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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

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Hey darling ❤️ love your writing 3000 :) can u do one with Bucky x reader (they’re together) where he overhears the reader on the phone with her parents that are emotionally & verbally abusive towards her (they always have been) and the reader has to explain it all to him afterwards even tho she’s having a panic attack (bc she’s afraid bucky will leave her since she has no one else to go to ??) and bucky comforts her and reassures her that he’s gonna be there for her and like comfort fluff? I live in an emotionally abusive and manipulative household rn and I tell you your fics are like an escape for me. Even if u don’t do this thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Hey there, I love you 3000 ❤ I am so so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I'm glad to hear that my writing is an escape for you, I want you to know that I'm here for you. No one should have to go through what you described. I hope that this can bring you some comfort but please, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you. My DM's are open as well, you shouldn't face this alone. I'm here for you!!!

You owe them nothing

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3200 (ish)

Warnings: emotional abuse/gaslighting, manipulation, parent issues, tears, angst, breakdown, fluff.

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You really tried to keep it hidden. It wasn’t something that everyone needed to know about.

Your parents loved you, at least that’s what they had said. But it was one of those things where you felt like it was for show - the kindness that they showed when you were around others faded away once you were alone with them.

You remember once they had said “of course I love you, I’m your parent!”

But that made you wonder how they would treat you if you weren’t theirs.

They were horrible to you for as long as you could remember. Gaslighting you and making you feel like you owed them something even though they were the ones who should have taken care of you.

They were around but never…there. They would be there for family dinners but they were always riddled with criticisms of grades and who you were talking to and how you dressed. All of your hobbies were seen as a waste of time, something you should only do when you had nothing else to do. School came first, naturally, but there was always something they told you you had to do before you could do anything for yourself.

Yet when you would complain about being depressed, they told you to get a hobby because you never do anything.

Tired meant lazy, energetic and passionate meant loud and annoying. When you were quiet they thought you had nothing to say, yet when you expressed your opinions you were told to shut up.

You couldn’t win.

You could never make them happy, there was always something you were doing wrong.

They thought it was their right to monitor who you talked to and saw, what you did outside of school, what sports you could join. When you would say no to the school dances or parties you would make up an excuse about not wanting to go or having work to do. Your friends would call you a buzz kill. Little did they know you would give anything to go.

Whenever you would do something wrong (or anything, period,), your parents would yell at you. They would curse you out, make you cry, only to yell at you for crying like a little bitch.

The older you got, the worse it was.

You thought when you moved out it would be better. But you had all these years of being told you were worthless and having them be your providers. When you got your own place you didn’t really have any friends, nor did you really know how to make friends. You had a job to help you get by, you could support yourself. That wasn’t the issue. You could support yourself, you always had to.

It was that you were so lonely.

You wanted friends but you were so afraid of the criticism you would get. You were afraid to make yourself known, because you were always taught that being told what to do and taught what to think was much more appealing than having your opinion.

But this was an opinionated world.

You were good at what you did, so good that you had gotten a job at S.H.I.E.L.D. You thought that would make you happy, more importantly that it would make your parents happy, but no such luck.

“I got a really great job, guys.”

“Fantastic. I guess you’re just doing so great without us,” they had snapped.

“What? I mean… this is what you wanted right? For me to get a good job?” you had said, confused.

You heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Of course we do, what are you crazy about? Of course we wanted you to get a good job but you just deserted us like we were trash. Have we done nothing for you?”

You felt your heart sink in your stomach. ‘Of course you guys have, I love -”

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. If you really cared about us you’d be helping us out. You got a great job and probably have a huge paycheck that you hoard and you left us here to struggle to make ends meet.”

You took the phone away from your face temporarily to take a shaky breath. Of course they would go there with the salary, why wouldn’t they? All of your paychecks had gone to them, since it was their house and they were feeding you, leaving you with barely enough money for your car and gas and phone bills, only for them to suggest longer hours when you complained.

“I can help you guys out if you need,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

You heard an exasperated sigh on the other line again. “You really should be more grateful, you know? We raised you your entire life and then you leave us alone? You never even call us? You’re so fucking selfish.”

Then the line went dead.

You shook your head and felt tears in your eyes as you spoke to yourself. “Well maybe I would call you if it didn’t always yell at me.”

Of course, you would never say that.

See, it wasn’t so bad. You never said anything because they were only ever mean to you, which would make you uncomfortable. There were people out there that would get hit or who would have to raise themselves from a young age. Once you grew thick skin it wasn’t so bad, you were just being dramatic.

Right?

Your new job was fairly successful, you were fantastic at what you did. You did a lot of behind the scenes work, weapon repair and plans of action with missions. Not that they needed much help with that. Still, they took you in as their friends.

Well, as close as you would let them get to as friends.

It took a while before you warmed up to them. Everyone tended to keep to themselves, but not as much as you. You kept the parts of you hidden away - you were there for a job, you did it, and you did it well. You knew how to do your job but interacting with the team, making friends - you didn’t want to get emotionally attached.

Not like you knew how to make friends to begin with.

Naturally you were drawn to the quieter side of the team, once you were able to open up. They were all nice but sometimes the parties and the jokes were a bit much. You just didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing that would make you the punchline.

No one needed to know about you, or how you would spend your free time being yelled at through a phone with you trying to make it better. That wasn’t part of the job, so you shouldn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like anyone would want to help. You were just a nuisance to everyone around you.

Right?

No one talked about their life before the team much. Not many people on the team had a great life before the Avengers first came together. Natasha or Wanda had once spoken about how this team was a family. And as much as you wanted to believe it, you helped the team. You weren’t a part of the team. So even if that were true, it didn’t include you.

At least, that was your point of view.

The team viewed you as a part of the team as much as any of them. You didn’t fight with them but you made sure everything would go as smoothly. You were kind and great at what you did, but they wished you would open up more. Of course, being a team of people who had trouble opening up, they understood.

Bucky was one of the ones who took a liking to you, mostly because he saw a lot of himself in you. He could tell there was something that you were trying to get past but weren’t quite able to yet. That there was something bothering but you wouldn’t dare say it for fear of bothering someone. You threw yourself into projects and distractions and from the way you carried yourself, he guessed you were avoiding something that you weren’t ready to work through. At least, not yet.

He knew that feeling too well.

The ex-assassin was one of the easiest for you to open up to because he didn’t expect much from interactions. Both of you were quiet and kept to yourselves that there wasn’t much pressure to share anything or say anything. You knew his past but would never bring it up unless he wanted to. Which eventually, he did. You could tell he felt pressure to be who he was before HYDRA took him, and while Steve was surprised he opened up to you first, you weren’t. Steve knew Bucky before everything, and you didn’t have that bias. He was whoever he was today regardless of who he was yesterday.

And Bucky found comfort in that.

You think you would’ve too, if you thought you deserved it enough to do the same.

See, you were worried that you were making everything worse than it really was. You worried that maybe you were being too sensitive or that what you had grown up with was normal. With everything that everyone on the team went through, a few insults from your parents was hardly anything. You were being dramatic.

There was nothing to be sad or angry about. You just had to get over yourself.

Right?

You were getting by until one night when your parents called, as they did on occasion. You were in the middle of working, so you ignored it. The phone went to voicemail before it started ringing again, and you ignored it, again. The third time you sighed and picked up your phone, turning away from your work.

You took a deep breath before you answered. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You closed your eyes and brought a hand to rub your head. “Well I’m doing fine, thank you, how are you?”

“Don’t give me that attitude. What the fuck are you doing? You’ve been ignoring our calls.”

You stood up to pace the floor slightly, dreading the conversation that was coming. Is it the ‘family is most important’ or the ‘where’s my money?’ speech today? “I’ve been working.”

“What, so work is more important than family now? Is that what this is? You don’t care about us?”

Family speech it is.

“Dad -”

“What if one of us was dying? Huh? Would that be important?”

“Stop it. No one is dying, and I was working. And I have more work to do, so I really have to go.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, I’m your father.”

Gaining confidence you gritted your teeth and snapped, “You know what? I’m an adult now so you can’t tell me what to do.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and you could practically hear the steam coming out of your father’s ears.

At some point Bucky had come down to your working space to check on you, seeing as it was nearly morning. He stopped in the doorway, and seeing you were busy on the phone he thought he would stop by later to give you some privacy. But he stopped when he heard you snap.

You never snap.

“Who do you think you’re talking to you ungrateful little bitch?”

“I’m talking to the people who treated me like shit my entire life and ask me for money when you wouldn’t give me the time of day for 18 fucking years.”

Even you couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. But god did it feel good to say them.

“Are you fucking serious right now? We did nothing for you? What do you think we’ve been doing your whole life? We’ve done everything we did to help you be the best person you could be. You have that job now because of us and you have no right to speak to me that way.”

You chuckled darkly as you looked up at the ceiling, unaware of Bucky’s presence behind you. “My entire life all I’ve ever wanted to do was make you guys proud of me. But you know what? I’m fucking done. You hated me, gaslighted me, and made me hate myself almost as much if not more than you seemed to hate me.”

“I did no such thing you ungrateful -”

“You were supposed to love me and care for me, and all you did was take advantage of me. I’m not your child, I’m a paycheck. I don’t owe you anything because you gave me nothing. So you know what? FUCK. YOU.”

You hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, adrenaline taking over your body as you tried to stop shaking. Because a small part of you felt bad.

But fuck did that feel amazing.

You heard a throat clear behind you and you turned around to see Bucky, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

You nodded nervously, rubbing the sides of your arms. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, unconvincingly. “How much, uh...how much did you -

“Enough,” he said, pushing himself off of the door frame as he crossed over to you. “Who was that?”

“Bucky, don’t, it’s really fine. I just got a little worked up.”

“Y/n,” he started, looking at you with concern. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one.”

“You don’t get upset like that at no one,” he took your hands in his. “Y/n, you're shaking.”

It was then that you realized your hands were still shaking, trying to keep the anxiety of what happened at bay.

It’s going to be so much worse now.

I can never talk to them again.

Is that a good thing? Didn’t I want that?

Bucky could sense you getting lost in your head. “Sweetheart, tell me what happened, please. I want to help you.”

You pulled your hands away from his and crossed your arms. “You can’t help me because there’s nothing wrong, okay? I handled it, it’s over. Done. nothing to worry about.”

“Y/n -”

“No really, there’s nothing you can do, okay?”

“Will you at least let me try?”

You looked at him, adrenaline starting to drain from your system. This was Bucky, your Bucky, who had never done anything but love and support you. He had never done anything to hurt you.

But what if he left you too?

You took in a sharp breath and curled in on yourself, a scared look on your face. Bucky crossed back over to you, seeing a scared look on your face.

“Hey, hey, y/n? Can you look at me?”

You brought your eyes up to meet his, feeling your chest constricting as you tried to keep your breathing even. It wasn’t working.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t… I’m fine really I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for,” he pulled you in for a hug and kissed the top of your head. “Let’s go sit down, okay?’

He led you over to your bed and you leaned forward, hands on your knees and head in your hands. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening, this - I’m sorry, it’s so stupid, I’m so stupid.”

Bucky rubbed a hand up and down your back, hushing you. “It’s not stupid. If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Bucky took a small breath. “Do you remember all of those times after nightmares and all those panic attacks you would walk me through? How I thought I was being stupid?”

“You weren’t being stupid”

“And neither are you.”

You took some more shaky breaths as tears kept falling down your face. “You’re okay. It’s alright, I’m right here.”

Bucky let you calm down, knowing you would talk about it if you wanted to. He wanted you to talk about it so he could help you (and hurt whoever upset you) but he wouldn’t force you into telling him anything you didn’t want to.

The two of you sat in the silence, Bucky looking at you with soft eyes as you kept your face hidden.

“I haven’t told you a goddamn thing about me. You ever wonder why?”

You looked over at Bucky, eyebrows creased with slight confusion.

“They said blood was supposed to be thicker than water. That family comes first, right? I spent my whole life listening to them and following them and being the perfect kid. I made myself into everything they wanted me to be. And it still wasn’t enough for them.”

Bucky tilted his head slightly. He hadn’t known his parents much before they died but he had always wanted to have more time. But he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that not everyone had good parents.

“You know, I remember thinking that once I made it they would be happy. That if I worked hard enough or went onto do great things that they would be proud of me. That’s all I ever wanted, you know?” you said, voice wavering as you let out a bitter laugh. “But it’s not, you know? Never is, never was, never will be. All they do is take and take and no matter how good I am they’re always gonna hate me because I can’t be perfect.”

“No one’s perfect, y/n.”

“Well that’s what they want me to be. I know I can’t be perfect so I know they’ll never be happy. That they’ll call me ungrateful and selfish for succeeding and for leaving them when they never wanted me to be there to begin with.” You felt tears spill over as you wiped them away. “And I’m ust so fucking done with being a disappointment to them and to everyone else.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I don’t know,” you said softly, not really wanting to be more vulnerable.

Bucky, sensing this was a time he could push you, challenged you. “I think you do.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t want anyone to see me the way they did. I thought what they said wasn’t true but...I just thought that maybe I was overreacting. Other people have it worse you know - some people have no parents or some have it so much worse. Mine just yell at me you know? Tell me everything’s my fault and that they wish they’d never had me. That I’m ungrateful for not being with them and that I owe them. I just...I heard that for the first 18 years of my life. I didn’t need any more of it.”

“y/n, that’s…” he swallowed, trying to contain his anger. “That’s not normal. No one should have to go through that. You can’t possibly think you're a bad person.”

Your shrug was enough to tell him that you did.

“Y/n, I don’t know who your parents think they are but you don’t owe them a damn thing. You may be related to them but you have no obligation to love your parents if they treat you like that. You have every right to be angry or to hate them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be angry with someone who hurt you.”

“But they’re my family.”

“Well they didn’t treat you like it. You have us now, you don’t need them anymore. We’re your family. And we’re not gonna leave you.”

“They didn’t leave me Bucky, I left them.”

“You can’t leave someone who was never there for you.”

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hetacon · 3 years

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Prom Queen: Chapter 4

First || Previous || Next

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Word Count: 1,800

Pairings: Endgame Prinxiety, Platonic LAMP, more could be included at a later point

Warning: Swearing, small food mention, let me know if there’s anything I missed!

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Summary: “Hey Virgil, tell us about yourself, yeah?” one of the girls asked, the guy she was just talking with fixing his gaze on to Virgil too.

(Make sure to read all the way to the end if you want my thoughts so far! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for this story, my art, or writing! Enjoy the chapter!)

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Virgil started to spend more time with the popular kids after they got back to school, something he never thought would be happening. They were gossipy and didn’t really appeal to Virgil as overall people but Roman was their friend so he started to get to know them for the sake of his best friend. He didn’t even really know them honestly, they almost never talked about themselves or their interests or anything in terms of personal information, the conversations almost consistently focused on the drama going around the school that day. There was something new every time they went over. For a solid month, he and Roman would go chat for a minute or two before going off to find Patton and Logan.

That was actually what they were just doing that day when one of Roman’s friends got Virgil’s attention.

“Hey Virgil, tell us about yourself, yeah?” one of the girls asked, the guy she was just talking with fixing his gaze on to Virgil too.

Virgil looked over to Madison if he remembered correctly, trying to hide most of his shock at the fact that she even addressed him. Not many of Roman’s friends acknowledged him much when they would go over but Virgil guessed they’d taken some interest in him. He had been coming over with Roman for quite a good while now, it figures they’d notice his presence at some point. He had to respond quick though, this chance couldn’t go to waste. “Uh, ok, what do you want to know?”

“What kind of music do you listen to?” Well, an odd question to start off with.

Virgil shrugged a bit. “Eh, just what everyone else listens to, you know? Not really anything in particular. It’s not like I really look for songs to listen to by anyone specific.”

Roman nudged him with a snort. “Since when has this ever been the case? If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re emo through and through,” he said, a certain fondness to his look. Virgil bumped his shoulder with a laugh back, fixing him with a playful glare.

“And what if I can like things that you don’t expect of me, huh?” Virgil asked with a slight tease. Roman simply raised an eyebrow but shrugged, letting the argument go without much more of a struggle. Roman wasn’t wrong though, he still listened to everything that he had before, none of it had changed despite what he said. Definitely none of what people usually listened to. He was never one to follow trends with music or otherwise and Roman unfortunately knew that.

“Do you do anything interesting?” one of the people joining the conversation asked.

“Things here and there, not exactly much. School is a drag, takes up way too much of my time to actually let me focus on anything even remotely interesting,” Virgil said calmly, trying to look casual. He hoped it was working, he felt like a nervous wreck. With a few laughs and a “Fuck yeah it is!” he mustered up the courage to add in, “I draw if that counts for anything.”

“Oh yeah? Mind if we take a look?”

Virgil nodded and rummaged through his bag, finding a leather bound book. This one happened to be his more serious one, he had another that was far more personal stashed away. Only Roman, Patton, and Logan ever saw that one, and not even in its full entirety. The personal one had gotten a lot more use than the one currently in his hands. Virgil slid the book over the table and he watched as it was opened to a page of really messy scribbles in the shape of a distraught person’s face. He’d remembered drawing that one, he was in the middle of history sophomore year having a panic attack but was too nervous to ask to step outside.

“Woah, this is cool man,” Tyler said as he looked over it, others nodding in agreement. They proceeded to flip through the pages for a bit while they took turns asking him more questions.

With so much talk, Virgil noticed Roman jump up suddenly, tugging at Virgil’s sleeve frantically. “Pat and Specs!” he explained before packing up his things frantically. “So sorry guys, I need to talk to them before we have to go to class! I’ll catch up with you tomorrow!” he shouted out as he started speed walking, Virgil in tow. Virgil barely managed to collect up his stuff before he was at Roman’s side, seeing the slightest crease between Roman’s eyebrows. As relieved as Virgil was to be away from all of the questions and potential judgement, he noticed Roman was in a big rush. He couldn’t really place why.

“Hey, you uh.. You ok? What’s up?” Virgil asked, relieved as Roman slowed down a little as they turned a corner.

“I just want to get to Pat and Specs, they’re our friends you know?” Roman asked with a bit of an edge before sighing. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect you to uh.. Hit it off so much with them, I usually just say a quick hello really,” he explained.

“Really? You think so?” Virgil really hoped he was impressing the popular kids, they were Roman’s friends after all. If he was having luck with them, he wasn’t going to lose Roman that easily. He couldn’t possibly do that, not when he’d already put so much at risk.

“Yeah but anyone who doesn’t like you how you are is insane,” Roman said lowly. Virgil thought he saw Roman’s jaw clench for a second but he quickly looked ahead of them as Roman glanced over.

Virgil was tackled in a hug by Patton, causing him to smile as he hugged back. He didn’t smile for long though as the bell rang, causing Roman to sigh. He looked over, laughing a little awkwardly. “Ha, sorry Ro, didn’t mean to make us so late.”

Roman shrugged. “It’s ok, just means we’ll have to get here as soon as possible tomorrow!” With that, he and Logan started to talk as they headed to class together.

Virgil watched as Roman walked away from him and Patton and he frowned slightly before Patton was nudging his shoulder and nodding his head to the direction of their classes.

Virgil nodded back and started walking, burying his hands deep into his pockets. He really wished he had his usual hoodie to pull over his head and hide from the world. His bangs would have to do, giving him a good look at the sickeningly sweet pink he’d decided on a month prior. Who let him do that again?

“Hey, you ok?” Patton asked, silently offering Virgil a cookie. Snickerdoodle today, Virgil would’ve usually loved it.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Virgil told him. “I’m not hungry, thanks though.”

Patton looked at him with a worried look for a second before sighing, taking a bite of the cookie himself. “Alright Virge, if you say so. Who knows, maybe some rest is all you need, make sure you go easy on yourself!”

Virgil agreed, looking ahead of them.

He went home that day and went through the motions in a haze, glad when he finally got out of his disgustingly bright outfit. He stared blankly at the wall when he got a text from Roman.

“Hey, sorry I was so tense where we left things off.. I promise you didn’t do anything, that was all me.”

“What was up with that?” Virgil texted back.

Roman’s response took a minute before it popped up on Virgil’s screen. “I don’t know, I just didn’t expect them to really take such an interest in you. They can be a bit... Stuffy. Like, all the time, I much prefer hanging out with you, Pat, and Specs.”

“I mean, they’re your friends right? They asked me questions, I answered.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Some of your answers surprised me though lol, you are truly a dark and stormy knight after all!”

“Hey, I’m allowed to expand my tastes, aren’t I? You got me into some of your dumb musicals after all.”

“They are not dumb, take that back you jerk!”

Virgil snorted, hugging his pillow to his chest as he typed out another message. “Oh yeah? Make me, you pompous thespian drama queen.”

“I just might!”

Before Virgil could respond, Roman shot him a quick text reading “Shit, GTG, I need to run a few scenes before I sleep! Until tomorrow~!”

“Go chase your dreams of ‘professional make believe’ as Logan would say, night.”

As an afterthought, Virgil tacked on a red heart before blushing harshly, cursing into his hands. He really did that, no taking that one back now was there?

Either way, check in time. Roman was still his friend, they just had a normal conversation like two human beings ought to be able to have. While he seemed a little off-put by some of the changes Virgil was talking about, he didn’t seem to take it as a serious offense so a plus there. The clothes were horrible, Virgil still hated his hair, but he was doing this for Roman so he’d suck it up. Roman’s friends were starting to like him, they liked his art so that was good. Luckily they latched on to something he couldn’t lie about.

Just as Virgil was about to go to bed, another notification popped up on his phone, this time from an unknown number. Virgil stared at it for moment, his brow furrowed. He opened it though and read it.

“Hey Virgil, this is Madison! Got ur number from Roman’s phone lol, hope u don’t mind sweetie!”

Well, he kind of did mind but putting that aside-

“Hi, did you need anything?”

“Not rn but I might! Just wanted to have ur number just in case. Anyways, I’m going to bed, see u tomorrow!”

Virgil nodded to himself before he got one more text.

“BTW loveeeee ur artwork, keep up the good work bby!”

This was certainly... Bizarre. He didn’t expect to ever have the number of a popular girl in his phone but he never knew high school would be this insane. He’d survive this though, for Roman if nothing else. And if not, he just might lose Roman forever and never be able to forget about it for as long as he lives! Ok, breathe Virgil, breathe...

Things would work out, Virgil was going to make sure they did or die trying. Nobody, Roman included, could think to stop him now.

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More Prom Queen content huh? Anyways hey hey hey guys! How’d you like the newest chapter?

To be honest, I’m not sure how to feel about this one. I feel like all of my writings sound like they’re in an echo chamber. Like as if the events are completely isolated and don’t fit into an expansive narrative and existence. I have no idea if that makes a bit of sense, it might just be my depression tbh? It’s been kicking my butt more than usual.

But Virgil is finally getting noticed by the popular kids, woohoo! This obviously can’t go wrong! We shall see what Virgil will be getting up to with time!

As always, feel free to leave comments or send me asks and whatnot if you want to talk with me about the story! I’d love to hear from you guys!

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Taglist: @artissijules, @virgils-paranoia, @its-the-cat-queen, @myyoutubecorner, @marshmallow-the-panda, @anotheregofanficblog, @tssidesfamily, @shapa-likes-art, @isabelle-stars, @falsemood, @katlikethesword

#sanders sides #prinxiety #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #multichapter #prom queen #stan writing

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yikeswtfmate · 5 years

Text

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number: also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex:

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe:

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #social media au #bucky barnes social media au #bucky barnes au #social media #bucky barnes texts

618 notes · View notes

oftenderweapons · 3 years

Note

hi !! i’m supposed to be taking notes for my class rn but oop

i just finished reading illicit affairs (joon and vixen) and i wanted to say! that it was so ........ hot.... i’m still speechless....just gonna be sitting ..thinking abt it during class 😖😖 it was a lot more than what i thought it would be? i found their love talk one shot like maybe a month ago and it was interesting to hear them talk about their preferences but idk i’m still new to the world of role play and bdsm and exploration on the more extreme side and so i found that i personally felt lost in relating to it but i decided to read their illicit affairs once i had the time and like. here i was expecting joon to be the typical daddy dom that i see in a lot of fics (which there’s nothing wrong about) but he actually started out like soft dom, sweet and yearning. for me personally that’s exactly my cup of tea and especially with all the details u carefully crafted i really yearned to experience something like that too 🤓😋🥴. and then it actually wasn’t until the latter half of the fic that they started using the term daddy. like do i think that man is ‘daddy material’ ? 100%!!!!!! he is my daddy 😛 LMAO but in terms of my own preferences, while i do enjoy it and am attracted to it i usually keep that archetype/aesthetic/partner dynamic in my head and i’m not comfortable using it in my own sex life and when i read it in a fic it throws me off for some reason. it’s very weird. BUT when i was reading illicit affairs i welcomed it because their intimacy and the beginning of their relationship together was built up so well and u topped it off for me i think when u delved deeper into what the term meant for both of them because i don’t think i’ve ever thought of it like that but it still made 100% sense to me? anyway what i’m trying to say is that i feel like u just took my thoughts and desires and wrote it into a fic so well and i never knew it could be laid out so clearly like that. i feel seen LMAO. definitely one of my fav joon fics now and one to come back to :D anyway........i’m gonna get started on my notes now 😖 hopefully i’ll get to continue this saga soon and see more of them hehe thank u for writing and spending so much time on these !!!! 💖

THAT. IS. SO. ADORABLE.

I had a similar story with my DDLG kink. At the beginning, it always made me cringe because of its subtle implications, but as I wrote their story, I actually understood what it means to me too.

Namjoon gives her the kind of support, safety and understanding that she hasn't felt as she grew up, and of course it's a work in progress. One can't ask for full, blind trust right at the start. In one shots, it's very difficult to see how that trust builds, and the fat wordcount was exactly to show that.

I'm glad my fic reached its goal, at least with one person.

I see so many DDLG fics out there being very aggressive, which makes me feel unseen and sometimes even out of place or uncomfortable or maybe that I'm not into DDLG. I wanted a smooth, very "cerebral" daddy/brat tamer, who could be convincing without being aggressive or violent. I'm happy you can find yourself at ease within this fic, and I'm happy I gave a safe place where you can explore your own limits and understand your needs, at least on a theoretical basis.

I hope Namjoon and Vixen's story will keep you interested 🥰

Stay safe, sweet nonnie! I wish you all the best, darling ✨💜 [and good luck with those notes 😘]

#anna vents #about anna #ask:anon

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twilightofthe · 5 years

Note

tell us about your character's tragic backstory or i will reveal all the naughty secrets found in padmé's hair (such as the unfortunate knowledge of the distinct smell palpatine has when leaning close to her)

Oh ew yuck xD

(Also ty Liz u da best!)

SO EVERYONE GETS TO HEAR ME YELL ABOUT MY LORGE ANGERY GORL!!!!!

So her name is Valera and she’s a really tall, buff, pale blue Zabrak with long white hair and dark grey eyes. She’s the tank of the group and I love her very muchly. She’s very awkward and short tempered and more than a bit rude with almost no verbal filter or social skills, so she skulks in the shadows. She doesn’t like people unless they’re little kids or her family, and she doesn’t do friends.

Valera’s backstory isn’t so much tragic as it is kinda really unlucky. So her parents run a bar on the lower levels of Coruscant (they have their own dramatic love story that I won’t get into rn lol) and her mother Sif was super strong in the Force but where she was born, the Jedi never found her so she’s just grown up being more than a little odd.

Sif’s twins, Valen and Valera are also Force Sensitive, but I’m breaking the Star Wars Twin Rules right here and saying that Valen was way more powerful, Force-wise than Valera was. So, since they’re on freakin’ Coruscant and way more noticeable, the Jedi come a’calling around the time the twins are three and realize that really only Valen’s strong enough to be a Jedi, but if his parents don’t want to separate their twins that’s cool. The parents are kinda heartbroken, but Sif knows Valen is even stronger than her and always kind of wished the Jedi could have found her and helped her when she was a girl, so she agrees to give Valen to the Order so they can train him while she’ll keep Valera because she’ll be able to handle helping her control things at that level.

Valera always remembers she had a twin, and her parents never shy away from the fact that her brother had to go to the Jedi because he needed “help”, and no, they don’t think he’s coming home, but they still love her just as much, so she only feels the tiniest bit jealous. Valera gets another pair of twin siblings when she’s five, neither Force Sensitive, and then another little brother when she’s nine, but unfortunately right after her younger brother is born, her mother passes away from a sudden illness (no she doesn’t die in childbirth she just gets sick and pregnancy doesn’t help it), and now Valera has to step up to be a mother to her younger siblings and ends up as the support for her grieving father.

She’s helping run the bar and grill by the time she’s eleven, but their neighborhood is getting seedier and seedier, and Valera knows that she has some special abilities because her mother told her, but she refuses to believe that she has legit Force powers because she’s talked herself into thinking that only Jedi have real Force powers and if she did have them, the Jedi would have taken her with her mystery brother away from her family, and she can’t leave her family now, they need her, so she can’t be Force Sensitive or the Jedi might find out and come back for her and make her work for them. No, Valera’s just Very Lucky, and maybe her luck can do some good after the bar gets robbed one night. She finds the nearest gang leader and joins up, quickly being put to use for her “luckiness” and natural speediness and strength. She’s fully sucked into gang life and gang wars by the time she’s a teenager, and she doesn’t enjoy it, not at all, but it keeps people away from her father’s bar and away from her younger siblings, and she gets money she can give to her family. She does some pretty nasty stuff too, but again she doesn’t care because her family comes first and the world is a suckish place anyway, why should she be nice? (Again, she won’t hurt kids tho. Call it a weakness.)

Everything changes when Valera turns 21 and the Clone Wars break out. Now while Valera was growing up and getting into trouble, Valen grows up a very skilled Padawan and new knight. Since he was so skilled, when the Clone Wars start like a month or two after his knighthood, he’s also given a general’s rank and a clone division at a young age. He’s not as young as Anakin and by no means as famous, not by a long shot, but he’s still good at his job so the name and face of Jedi General Knight Valen Flynt makes its way into the holos enough times that he’s recognizeable.

Valera knows him as her twin brother the instant. Tho Valen mostly lost the memories of his family once he reached the Temple and chose not to go looking for them because he’s also awkward at heart and doesn’t know if he wants to create a relationship with by that point strangers, Valera remembers him well. They definitely are twins, with both having the same skin shading, same hair color and approximate length, the same height, same eyes, same facial structure, hells, their names even sound alike. The man on the holos is absolutely her twin, and even tho she hasn’t seen him since they were literally three, she can’t help but love him because she’s always felt a connection there, and hey, he’s still family, right?

Unfortunately, given that Valera looks almost exactly like a Jedi General and has a similar name, that starts to bring trouble down on her family. People keep getting suspicious, even though they all try to push it off as a common Zabrak name and nah, Val really doesn’t look that much like him (Val cuts her hair, gets intricate tattoos, wears heavy makeup and changes her clothing style completely. She also beats whoever makes insinuations to hell and back. She’ll hold some love for Mystery Brother, but he still ignored their family for 18 years, he doesn’t get to suddenly pop up all over the news and drag her and their family name onto the targetboard, even if he doesn’t know he’s causing them all this trouble) and so on, but after a few violent altercations and false recognitions, Valera decides the best thing to do is leave Coruscant for her family’s safety. She sends her youngest brother who also looks like her and Valen and their mother off to work on an uncle’s smuggling ship far away in the Outer Rim where he can’t be hurt, trusts her late teen middle sibs to look after the bar with their father, luckily they both look like him, and with her deciding to take crime jobs off planet, she can probs get the heat off of them until the war ends and Jedi Valen Flynt fades back into relative obscurity.

Valera is 25 and visiting home for the first time in over a year when Order 66 happens. If she climbs high enough she can see the Temple she would always stare at to imagine her brother burn, she feels Valen disappear in the Force, she knows something happened, and when the new “Emperor” gets on the holos talking about how the Jedi were apparently traitors, Valera and her fam flat-out refuse to believe it. They may not have known Valen for very long at all, but they’re still family, dammit, and no one from their family would be evil, they just know it. Sif trusted Valen to the Order because she thought it would be best for him and Sif, their beautiful tragic mother, would NOT have done that if the Jedi were the bad guys, she would have known something was up.

So the new Empire is lying, what a surprise, none of them trusted or liked the Republic that much anyway, you can put lipstick on a pufferpig but it’ll still be a lying, power-hungry pufferpig. That means there must have been another reason the Empire killed all the Jedi, and Valera is afraid to find out what once she sees how scared the public who believes the lies gets, and how fast it turns on Force sensitives. She’s angry, even if she never much liked the Republic, her brother put his life on the line for you, and then your government killed him and you say he deserved it, how dare you? Anyway, Valera figures that as horrible as it is, it might be safe to stick closer to her family now that her brother is dead and not plastering his and her face all over the galaxy.

She doesn’t last a year before her old contacts start whispering about “evil Jedi spirits”, dark figures with red lightsabers who hunt down anyone who acts like a Jedi as revenge. Valera has a very strong Bad Feeling about those rumors and gets the hell out of Dodge before the Inquisitors can find her, and goes back to her spacer routine for the next almost twenty years, getting odd jobs around the galaxy, sending money to her father (all her siblings are grown at this point, but at least two are on Coruscant, and one’s stayed to help with the bar).

That’s how Val’s life is and one of those odd jobs is what ended her up on the current campaign’s Bespin heist!!!!

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colonel-insomniac · 4 years

Text

I’ve Got a Crush on You

read on ao3

Bobby was at a family reunion and he was so bored. This time, the reunion was at his grandmother’s house, and it isn’t that Bobby was without WiFi, it was merely that he had no one to really talk to. He could talk to his relatives, but they all talk to him like he doesn’t even have a brain just because he decided he’d rather continue working as a fry cook in a “grease generator” as they like to call the Krustie Krabbe.

But he loved being there, at the Krustie Krabbe it was like he was finally who he was meant to be. Well, mostly. Maybe when Mr Krabbes sees him as the adult—albeit young adult—that he is, maybe he’ll finally get the recognition that he deserves. His friends were the only ones who talked to him like he was an equal, even Sandy, even though he couldn’t understand half of her science jargon.

And he craved one of those weird conversations with his best friend. But though his parents considered Patrick Starr family, Bobby’s family was insistent that only real Porous family members were allowed to join. So, he’d said his farewell to Patrick, who still wanted to get in the car with Bobby, and drove the hour and forty-five minute journey to his grandmother’s house.

He could faintly hear the soft jazz music drifting from the living room. He was alone at the moment, sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen, tapping his fingers on the kitchen as he laid on his other arm. Patrick said he had to go run some errands an hour ago, and Bobby’s been waiting for Pat to get back.

Bobby had already scrolled through his Instagram feed, his Snapchat, his Tumblr, heck, even his Twitter, which he barely ever uses. So now he's just kind of doing nothing, watching the black phone screen, willing Patrick to finally come back.

But Bobby's been thinking in the time that he's had to do nothing. He's liked Patrick for a while now, and since there's nothing to entertain himself, he'll have to get creative.

He's gonna song-lyric-prank Pat. Which is so 2018 in his opinion but maybe it'll be fun. He's gonna use something that Patrick should recognize, a Frank Sinatra song, specifically, I've Got A Crush on You.

Now sitting up, Bobby grabs his phone and taps on Pat's message thread.

Patrick takes a couple minutes to respond, and Bobby can almost see Pat try to understand what's going on, if the little "read" text underneath Bobby's message is anything to go on.

Then the three dots pop up—

<PraisePink: uh im confused, grls r going after u???>

Bobby smiles, tapping out the next chunk of lyrics.

Bobby knows he has Pat's attention now, if the immediate typing is proof. Bobby decides now he isn't so bored anymore.

<PraisePink: im still not gettin it bud>

He knows that that message makes it sound as though maybe Bobby's hit his head a little too hard. Bobby glances around the room, just to check that no one's watching as he smiles at his phone.

<PraisePink: r u ok>

<PraisePink: u rn't concussed?>

Bobby sends a quick 'nope' before moving along with the next lyric. This time, Bobby can't help blushing even though it isn't anything bad.

And yeah, so Bobby's adding a couple words into the lyrics, but it's only 'cause he wants it to last long enough for it to be fun.

As the three dots appear again, Bobby leans in unintentionally, waiting excitedly to see what Pat's response will be. When he's sure Pat's almost done typing, his phone is suddenly gone, snatched out of his hands.

Bobby looks up, bewildered. Then he spots his cousin Jack, or as they sometimes call him, Cousin BlackJack, an allusion to the numerous black eyes Jack has had through his adolescent years. Jack and Bobby are pretty similar in height, but whereas Jack is buff and muscular, Bobby isn't.

"Jack," Bobby pleads, "give me back my phone. That isn't funny." He reaches for the device but Jack pulls it behind his back.

"Uh-uh," Jack smirks, "let's see what you're up to that's keeping you from spending actual time with the family." Bobby blanches. "Jack, no. That's not fair. You know family is everything, I'm just talking to Patrick."

"Well, let's take a look, then." Bobby knows nothing he says will stop Jack, so he shuts his mouth and prays Jack won't tray and make an issue out of the situation.

The evil glint in his cousins eye grew as he scrolled through the messages. "Oh this is pure gold." Jack chuckles, glancing at Bobby. "I wonder what'll happen if the family finds out."

"No Jack, stop. I'm not messing around with you. Don't do this."

Jack shrugs. "Nothin' I can do, cuz'." Jack glances at the phone again. "Jeez, this guy must be smitten with you Bobby, he's blowin' up your phone now."

Bobby blushes and inwardly curses himself with words he'd never say out loud. This darned joke and his stupid boredom. He should've just waited until after the reunion to do this.

"Tell you what, Robert," Jack smirks at Bobby, "tell me the next line, I wanna see what happens."

Bobby sighs, tapping the counter. He knows he has to go along with this, maybe Jack will get bored and give up.

"It's 'it's not that you're attractive, but oh, my heart grew active, when you came into view." Jack laughs, a mean one note 'ha'. "This is absolutely priceless, Bobby." Bobby’s eyes stung with tears, and he slid off his chair, garnering the attention of his cousin, who sighed heavily.

“Bobby, you never let me have fun with these things. I’m not even being mean! Our relatives are all wondering where you are and why you’re all alone. This is just payback for me sticking my neck out for you.” Bobby thinks somehow this doesn’t make sense, Jack makes sure never to jeopardize himself, opting to throw others under the bus. Somehow, Bobby knows what he’s saying isn’t true.

But Bobby also knows himself, and he knows there’s a small chance that Jack isn’t lying, so he walks over to Jack’s side so he can at least see what’s going on.

<PraisePink: sponge, ur kinda small, not big ;p>

<PraisePink: ok that 1st part kinda hurt :,C >

<PraisePink: whats going on tho>

Bobby bit back a grin at his friends statements, trying to put on his best poker face. “Bobby this guy’s smitten with you.” Jack exclaims incredulously.

“No he isn’t, Jack, there isn’t even anything to suggest that. You’re just going crazy.” Bobby stammers his response, a little nervous that Jack could be right.

“Kid, are you insane? This Patrick guy is literally flirting with you, and come on he’s concerned about you falling and hitting your head??” Jack does the sticking-finger-in-mouth bit to suggest his disgust at the two, and Bobby smiles.

“Well, Jack, you could always give me back my phone.” Bobby suggest, and rolls his eyes when Jack shakes his head. “Nope, I’m gonna help you.”

“Jack,” Bobby begins, “your ‘helping’ isn’t always so helpful, you know?”

“I know.” In that instant, Bobby swears Jack looks like a villain, all dark shadows cast on his face from he doesn’t even know where, and an evil grin plastered on his face.

Bobby knows he isn’t a bad cousin to Jack, so he doesn’t understand why Jack always has to pick on him, and Bobby knows that one of these days, he’s going to finally snap and finally get everyone to stop walking all over him. “C’mon, give me the next line.”

Bobby cringes “I’ve got a crush on you, sweetie pie, all the day and night-time hear me sigh.” He looks away in embarrassment when Jack laughs, “You chose the best song for this Bobby. Genius.”

“Wow, he’s really waiting for you to respond, as soon as it sent it showed that he’d seen it. He’s already typing a response.” Bobby lifts up his head at that, intirgued as to what Patrick’ll say.

<PraisePink: w8, what?>

<PraisePink: srsly????? u’ve got a crush on me???>

Bobby never expected he’d let out a sound as strangled as the one currently exiting his mouth, a mix of a groan and a scream. Perhaps a little dramatic, Bobby would drape himself on a couch if he could do so, or if he were back home, he would pack his stuff and skip town for a couple days. But now he’s stuck with facing the consequences. “And now, Bobby,” Jack pulls Bobby’s phone behind his back, raising the pointer finger on his free hand, “I must bid you adieu.”

Caught off guard, Bobby puzzles over what jack might mean by that when Jack takes off running. Ever alert, Bobby chases after him a second after.

He’s too late. In the time it took for Bobby to chase after his cousin, Jack has managed to reach the bathroom and lock it behind him. Nevertheless, Bobby thrusts his shoulder against the door, hoping the old door will just give in. No luck. Of course, what else should Bobby expect?

It’s almost as though his world is shattering around him, because he knows whatever is happening between Jack and Patrick behind that door isn’t good at all. Right as he’s about to go run looking for a Bobby pin to pick the lock, the door swings open and Jack walks out. “Give it, Jack. Now I have to fix whatever mess you’ve stirred up. Again.”

“Sure thing,” Jack replies and places the phone in Bobby’s open palm, much to his surprise. Jack just keeps walking, covering his mouth as he yawns. ‘At least his parents taught him that.’ Bobby thinks, spiteful as he aims the coldest glare he can manage at the back of Jack’s head.

Now it’s time to lock himself in the bathroom and fix the damage. His message thread with Patrick has grown a lot despite Jack not being in the bathroom long.

<PraisePink: sponge?? U still there???? r u being srs rn???>

Then, a reply from “Bobby.”

Bobby face palms. That’s doesn’t even look like his text-speak.

<PraisePink: u don’t like me like that?>

Bobby can physically feel his stomach dropping. This is it, isn’t it? This is when his whole life simply ends.

<PraisePink: oh this is a joke? Cos ur at a reunion, right>

<PraisePink: and that’s what you really think, huh?>

<PraisePink: well I don’t need you>

Bobby falls to the ground, and surprisingly, with no loud thuds. <Sunshine ☀️: Pat?>

Two minutes pass. No response. Four. No response. Bobby waits ten minutes, hopelessly, as he waits for a response. Nothing.

The little ‘read’ text pops up, so Bobby waits for an answer. Nothing happens, so he continues, desperately trying to get Pat to understand what’s happening.

Still no response.

The three gray dots pop on his screen, and it doesn’t take Patrick long to type out his response, mostly because it’s short.

<PraisePink: idk if i believe that.>

Bobby’s heart cracks as his desperation grows.

<PraisePink: idk, can u maybe give me time>

<PraisePink: i know things usually dont affect me, but im actually rlly hurt rn>

Bobby lets go of his phone, and it clatters on the floor, as he draws his knees to his chest and full on cries. Sobs—maybe that’s a better word for it. “Alright, Bobby ol’ boy, you gotta pull yourself together.” He wipes his eyes as he stands back up, a plan already forming in his head.

“I gotta leave this place, I need to get to Pat.” He pushes the door open, hurrying down the hall. Bobby’s about to make it through the front door, too, the door opens, one foot on the porch, one step closer to Patrick.

“Robert Porous!” At the sound of his first and last name, Bobby turns, stopping abruptly enough that he almost falls forward. His mom is walking towards him, and lays a hand on her son’s arm.

“Just where on Earth are you going?” She asks, “And why were you crying?”

Bobby bites his lip as he looks at his mom, “I messed up, with Pat, and I need to go make things right. Please, let me go fix this.” His mom studies his briming eyes for a moment, the wind blowing wisps of hair across her face, and ruffling the sleeves of her baby blue dress. She glances inside the house quickly, as her hand slides down, setting Bobby free.

She nods once, quickly, and steps back. “Alright. Go, go to him, but I didn’t see you leave, alright? I’ll try and keep them from saying anything.” The pair hug and Bobby’s mom steps inside again, quietly closing the door, maintaining eye contact with her son.

He hops into his car, and drives off. He finally got his license, but because he’s failed it a couple of times, he isn’t technically supposed to drive without an experienced driver for another month. But that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that he gets to Pat.

He drives back to his beach town in silence. There’s no need for music when his brain provides enough chatter to drown out everything else. He keeps his eyes trained on the road in front of him, occasionally glancing at the speedometer and side mirrors, just like he should.

He makes a couple stops on the way home. The first is to the nearest Target. Bobby carefully parks, and pretty much literally runs into the store, propelling himself forward with a cart. He scans the flower display and contemplates which one Pat might like before the lightbulb in his mind goes off. He races towards the Valentines Day aisle. The event is still a week away, and hopefully they’ll have exactly what he needs.

Bobby nearly dances when he finds what he’d been looking for: chocolate roses. The delicate chocolate was wrapped daintily in red and green tinfoil. Bobby doesn’t even bother looking at the price tags, he grabs 20 chocolate flowers, and goes in hunt for his next item: ribbon. Once he gets to the crafts aisle, Bobby only knows he wants it to be something lacy. He’d thought maybe red, but now that he’d seen it up close, the red on red is too muted.

He needs something that isn’t simple, something that’ll stand out. Scanning the rolls of lace on the shelves, his eyes keep going back to a dainty white lace. He decides it’s probably his best option, and heads over to the checkout, anxious to get to Pat right as the sun’s sets. Bobby’s in such a hurry that he nearly forgets his bag, this time literally running back to his car, gently setting down the bag on the passenger seat, and pulling out of the parking spot.

<PraisePink: hey, can we talk?>

The message comes through while Bobby’s on the highway, his tongue poking out of his mouth only slightly as he pushes away his nerves. He’s never driven on the interstate highway before, so naturally he’s terrified. He doesn’t even glance at his phone, he’s on a mission, and it’s the most important thing to him right now.

When he pulls the car off the interstate, it’s too stop at a chinese restaurant. He knows Patrick Starr better than he knows himself, and he knows Pat probably is craving chinese right now. Bobby decides even though he isn’t hungry, and can’t even stomach the thought of eating, he’d probably be hungry later, and gets himself some too.

He’s now five minutes away, and each minute spent in the car feels like another hour passing by. The sky is bathed with those glorius golden rays of sun. Once he manages to safely park in front of the apartment complex, he takes a moment to wrap the roses together with the white ribbon. He carefully secures his own takeout box with some ribbon too, and slides it in his bag. Sometimes, you have to find solutions that aren’t necessarily optimal.

He quietly makes his way up the stairs, pausing to read and answer Patrick’s text:

He reaches Pat’s front door right as Patrick starts typing, and places down the bag of chinese takeout, laying the bouqet of chocolate roses on top of them. Bobby rings the doorbell and crouches behind a fake tree, right as the door swings open, heart hammering.

He can just barely make out Patrick’s features as his face contorts in confusion and he bends down to pick them up. “Shoot!” Bobby yelps, realizing he forgot to write a note. As soon as he realizes he said it out loud, he clamps his hands over his mouth, peeking around the plant to check whether Patrick heard it.

His phones buzzes in his pocket, but he ignores it. He knows it was Pat, he just barely managed to glimpse Patrick’s thumb hit the phone in his hand. “Bobby?” Pat calls out. “I know you’re there, you’re the only guy I know dorky enough to do something like this. Unless it was Edward. Hey Edward?!”

“Whatever it is, the answer is no.” The muffled response makes Pat laugh, and nearly makes Bobby giggle.

Pat picks up the bouqet and the takeout and walks inside, glancing around one last time. His eyes briefly stop where Bobby’s hiding, but he closes the door. Bobby knows he’s waiting. After a minute, Bobby quietly gets up and starts heading back down the stairs dejectedly. He can feel his bottom lip tremble, and he bites down on it. He may very well have lost his best friend. He lets the tears stream freely.

He makes it to the threshold outside the building, glancing back briefly before sitting inside his car and pulling out his phone.

<PraisePink: i know im not the brightest but i just cant tell if ur telling the truth, maybe we need to just take some space>

He places his phone on the console between the front seat and the passenger seat, and places his head on the steering wheel. Bobby’s so wrapped in his thoughts, and emotions he doesn’t hear the door open, or close for that matter. “Sponge.” comes the quiet whisper. Bobby still doesn’t hear it, so Pat places a hand on Bobby’s hunched shoulder.

Bobby jumps, and an ungodly nasally gasp emits itself from his throat. His face burns in embarrassment. “Bobby, listen to me.” Pat states. “I know you’re the one who left the food and the roses.” Bobby opens his mouth, about to tell Pat to just forget about it, when Patrick shakes his head. “Listen. I thought maybe you were being honest with me before, and maybe you were just trying to get me to believe you. But then you left those chocolate flowers and the takeout—which is scary, how’d you know I’d been wanting chinese?”

“Pat—”

“Anyways, my point is, in that moment, I realized you’d always been there for me, you do sweet things like this. It just wouldn’t make sense for you to be mean to me and then do something like that.” Pat grabs Bobby’s small hands in his, but Bobby doesn’t meet his eyes.

His curly burnt orange casts shade over his eyes as he keeps his head downcast. “Pat, I need you to know that I’ve got—”

“I know. I figured it out after that last lyric that was sent to me. I had to go search the song to make sure, but I know music, and I knew that it was Frank Sinatra. To be honest, it’s a clever way to confess.” Patrick lets go of one of Bobby’s hands, and tilts the shorter man’s head up to face him. He gently sweeps the hair off Bobby’s forehead before reconnecting their hands.

“And your cousin Jack was right. I am in love with you too. He’s also right in saying that you have my complete devotion, anything you ask, I’d do for you, because it’s you. Bobby, you’re my best friend, but you’re also the only person I’ve truly loved completely.” Bobby smiles, feeling like hell iced over, but Pat gets out of the car and Bobby willingly follows suit, locking the car behind him.

Pat tugs Bobby close to him and Bobby laughs against Pat’s chest as the taller of the two wraps his arms around the other. They stay like that, their bodies as physically close as they can be, for a minute and a half. They each regard the other for a moment, before Bobby stands on tiptoe, and kisses Patrick.

He whispers the words “I’ve got a crush on you.”

Pat snorts, “Dork.”

#spongebob #patrick #spongebob the musical #pearl #mr krabs #squidward #this took forever #and i didnt even go to school today

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solienna · 5 years

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romanticized asks!! 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 10 - 13 - 16 - 17 - 19 - 21 - 23 - 27 - 28 - 30 - 32 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 37 - 38 - 39 - 41

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etc.) unsure if this classifies as a trope but i’ve always had a fondness for “reluctant royal in line for the throne gets whisked away on an adventure in the nick of time” i’ve planned two stories (one original and one fanfic) with the main character as this trope and really i think it’s cuz i too wish i could be whisked away from all the responsibilities and expectations in my life that i never asked for and just go off on a magical adventure

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit. i’m not in much of a describing mood rn so instead i will show you a picture. also goes without saying in a fantasy setting i would definitely be a rogue. my heart says warrior but my stature says rogue. i want to wear something black and long and flowy and also the hood is necessary bc 1) my fondness for hoodies was born from the fact that i wore them 24/7 when i was younger and 2) the drama…. the intrigue of throwing back your hood to reveal your face, eyes blazing with emotion you dare not conceal…… yes please

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you? i would be the goddess of two things, of longing and of luck. but not the full spectrum of either. i would be the goddess of longing born of self-denial. longing for a life you could easily have, for things that are well within your grasp, but you will not allow yourself to have, either for your own sake or for the sake of others. longing only entertained in the dead of night. and as for luck i would be the goddess of the luck of thieves with a soft spot for orphaned or abandoned children forced into theft to survive. mostly bc i wrote a story when i was younger about the champion of the god of luck and all the things he did to eventually lose her favor, and he had been an orphaned child. i wouldn’t want anyone to sacrifice anything to me (and in fact those in the throes of painful longing would probably only curse my name) but thieves would leave some of their stolen treasures at my shrines before heists in the hope i will look upon them favorably

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things. “your handwriting. the way you walk. which china pattern you choose. it’s all giving you away. everything you do shows your hand. everything is a self portrait. everything is a diary.” - chuck palahniuk ||| “You are never so low that you deserve to be lower. (when you look down at people, don’t you want to help them up?)” - a softer world 792 ||| “Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don’t fool.” - Robert Brault ||| “Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone who can understand what we are saying in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved.” - Alain de Botton ||| “I have shed my skin so many times. The graveyards must be full of all the people I used to be.” - David Jones

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident? hmm…. broadsword

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume? the smell of rain in the desert, the smell of lavender, the smell of lemons

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm. if i were a storm i wouldn’t be one at all. i would just be a light drizzle of rain, one that comes and goes for the whole day and keeps the sky looking like smudged grey watercolor until night turns it black. sometimes it’s too hard to be an angry clap of thunder when you know others will hear it and worry

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs? CABIN IN THE WOODS BABY, i am never happier than when surrounded by trees on all sides

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit. in all honestly just refer to the picture above lmfao if i had that outfit i would never take it off i would just put the hood down. my 1 requirement for a fantasy outfit is that it has to have a cloak of some sort. cloaks are so cool

17. of all the fantasy races to ever exist, which one would you be? hm. if i am being honest i have never felt any real deep connection with any kind of fantasy race in a “i would be this fantasy race” kind of way. the only thing that comes close is orcs BUT ONLY IF they are written in a way that actually affords them some dimension instead of just using them as stock evil characters that only live to destroy or whatever. orcs deserve so much better i love them

19. show us a picture of your ideal crown.

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae? an evening in the forest with elves definitely, i don’t trust the fae and i had a traumatizing experience with vampires on legendary skyrim and i don’t trust them anymore. also caves are freaky

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs? hm…. singing with nymphs

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

nah jk i’m a healer main at heart i would much rather have healing ointment in my traveling pack, if it came down to it i’m not sure i’d have it in me to poison someone and i’d rather have more room in my traveling pack for first aid

28. tell us three sayings that you live by. fake it ‘til you make it. not everything has to be a competition. keep your cards close to your chest, let them look at you and wonder. honorable mention goes to “jealousy is a disease bitch, get well soon” i used to live by this one as well but then i got way better at culling my own jealousy and now it’s a problem i almost never have to deal with so //pats self on back

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included). I’D MASQUERADE AS AN ANGEL, WINGS AND ALL BITCH. i want feathers i want inconvenience i want intrigue. worth mentioning but it wouldn’t be a dress, i love men’s fashion from that era and i would DEFINITELY be wearing it. the mask would be silver. i have no more details than that idk how fashion works and i never will

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for? oh theft easily. if my moral compass was weaker i’d have stolen so many things by now. i always give my sims the klepto trait so i can live vicariously through them

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be? hm….. i would want some sort of item that would allow me to summon a ghost-like familiar. like bc in fantasy settings i never see myself as a magic user, always as a rogue or warrior. so i don’t naturally have the ability to conjure a familiar, but i would like an item that gives me that ability. it sounds sick as hell. fantasy pokeball essentially. either that or i want an item that lets me read other people’s minds. i’m a three do you know what i could do with that kind of power

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by? something like “sera was never” from the dragon age inquisition soundtrack

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen? MEANDER YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION i would SO be a pirate…… if anything i’d be the royal who gives up the throne in favor of becoming a pirate. nothing like the ocean and sea shanties with the crew

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace? hm… the docks, watching the ships pull in with their cargo and smelling the saltwater breeze. hearing the hustle and bustle of all the people with places to be and knowing i’m safe in the fact that they’re all too busy to question why i’m there

38. would you have a painting of yourself? LMFAO probably, if only to know how i am perceived by the artist. if u could not gather by now i am obsessed with how others perceive me

39. what skill are you famous for? hmmMMMMM it’s hard to pick just one. perhaps either singing or archery

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights? stained glass windows, i’m a dirty ex-catholic and i love the way they look

#meanderfall #ask #meander #THIS WAS A MONSTER OF AN ASK LMFAO

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thisismyghost-blog · 5 years

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1st time I told my fam/friends on fb about the sadistic monster who abused me and is facing agg kidnapping and 3agg rape charges

So idk how some of you will react to this but i have to risk people who will hate me or just turn away in order to gain reinforcements. I have been practically in hiding for almost a year after finally giving up on keeping a bold face at my job that I loved with a few people that I really loved due to the pain I didn’t know how to handle of being visibly and deeply scorned by a few people who I had done nothing to but be friendly and awkward to (just due to lack of social experience)I have been protected under the love of my amazing family, my best friend Sayruh, and the incredible loving man who I can’t describe rn who came into my life about five years ago and with who’s path, unfortunately, was diverged during what I’m about to tell you. This isn’t going to be college level essay ish, so bare with me. I’m bleeding and panting out of breathe in the battlefield of life at this moment but I haven’t dropped the sword and I never will. I don’t have to do this alone, as much as I’ve been alone and felt deeply affected by if people think I am worthless, stupid, ugly, a whore or make assumptions about me that hurt them or take me the wrong way.i have hidden myself to protect others and to protect myself but I see now that is utter BULLLSHHIIITTT y’all. I was in a “relationship”with what fits the pattern of a malignant narcissist, possible psychopath for 9 entire soul crushing, brain washing, body mutilating, being made to believe I was bad or crazy, turning against myself months. That’s the time it takes to grow a fully ripened human, and apparently it’s also the time to nearly break an intelligent, loving sister, mother, daughter, friend, woman almost entirely. This creature who masquerades as an attractive, eloquent, humble, caring, selfless individual has likely been slandering me since the moment he walked into my place of work as he, behind the scenes, carefully put up walls between me and anyone who might later have compassion for the things he had in store for me. That wasn’t terribly hard due to the fact that I was already a very shy person.This Lucifer gaslighted, undermined and abused me while successfully convincing me that he was helping me become a better person and applying his version of “therapy” based on his claimed experience in mental health in another country and coming out of terrible traumas all by himself. This person took the self doubt i already had, filled it with poison, and offered it through a needle promising the antidote. This person used my compassion and love for others to convince me to let him do horrible things to me as a stress relief or way of dealing with their past trauma in order to help them, to help them not do self destructive things and be able to go out and help others in Grand ways that he constantly spoke of.I have been hiding because I have seen that human nature tends to immediately start looking for ways to blame or dehumanize people that are in horrible situations like this. I have been hiding because I could feel the seering looks of disgust, feel the betrayel from those I had admired and even looked up to that had already taken place and wished not to extend an opportunity for others. I realize now that I have been ashamed of being vulnerable to someone else’s lack of humanity and feeling as though that truly debased me or may as well if it succeeded in debasing me from human status in the eyes of most people onlooking, so why give them a chance to onlook?I have no choice now because today I was shown my choice by the assistant district attorney. It was my hope to protect others from this monster. It was my hope because I have seen what these creatures who walk among us, looking like people, expressing emotion on their face like people, and I have seen this creature twist otherwise upstanding, moderately intelligent individuals into hating a person in order to discredit them and also back them further into a corner, convince them they are nothing, watch them suffer and feed on their tears like a twisted vampire. You think you can spot a monster? Maybe you would have better luck. I think we all think we do, how can you not believe what your mind is telling you when you look at what looks like a human being but is a monster no one warned you about, who literally takes pleasure in slowly driving you insane and takes bites out of your flesh like a wolf and yelling at you for bleeding. I am not perfect, no one is. I make mistakes, that’s human. I take the wrong path sometimes, also human. Do I need to say that in order for you not to start asking a million questions until you get to the part where your brain can let out a sigh of relief and go “ooohh I was worried this world was that horrific for a minute but clearly this bitch is an idiot or a sinner who deserved whatever she’s going on about.”?I want to stop and give credit where credit is due.I am tempted to name names but I haven’t. There are people who I worked next to everyday and only had affection for who completely turned their back on me when he was arrested. I didn’t call police, my doctor did. I hate attention, I have no vendettas. I have to get out of this corner letting him and his minions scare/shame me into silence and projecting their ill motives onto me. I know it makes no sense. I only know that I am sure I experienced what I imagine thousands of murdered women experienced in their final moments. I feel that he would enjoyed watching my final moments and holding them in his hands like a god. I only know that an amazing doctor who I trusted and went to for advice about how to not get murdered or even possibly salvage my life from without police help because I didn’t believe they would help me. I believed him when he told me his ex’s called police and he talked them away, I believed him when he told me that police came to my door at times when I was screaming and he talked to them while I was in the bathroom crying and convinced them everything was ok. I believed what he didn’t have to put into words but only insinuate, that everyone will call me a stupid lying whore for staying around and trying to get help would only result in being told so. I was wrong. My doctor called the police without my knowledge, everyone treated me with compassion and respect and told me I was safe now. I thought that meant other girls would be safe now. I was mistaken. I held onto the remaining shards of my life with all my strength, allowing people under his spell to treat me despicably as I fought the tears, told myself it’s my fault for not being a better person who speaks up and is more than just quiet and friendly but involved and let’s you know them and is there for you. I tried to hold my head high and ignore them or focus on the 3 friends I had left and remind myself that they could have no clue what the truth was and that they would never believe me over such a charming loveable individual. How do you tell someone that a person they admire is capable of worse things than they have ever imagined and expect them to believe you unless they are incredibly close and trusting of you?Trial is coming up. I thought I could seek back up through expert witnesses and professionals who could untangle the dark web of deadly lies, ignorance and misinformation. I thought maybe I could find others like the girl he claimed to have put in the hospital for three months.. I thought.. Maybe.. I could sleep at night one day without picturing dead girls all alone in a landfill disposed of by him and forgotten. That is only my imagination but your mind is your window to the world and it’s all you see. Instead I am told that due to the burden of proof, even after the stack of felony indictments an incredible female detective at Smyrna PD was able to procure on my behalf.. That he will most likely walk free or get less than a decade and be let loose upon the world again. If you ever get hurt, make sure it’s by a total stranger and that you see clearly what’s going on in order to be able to immediately, report it and get the hell away from them so the law can protect you.(sarcasm if u didn’t see it.)There has to be an alarm raised and debate changed. Not for me but for my niece, my cousins, our daughters and sons, every human being who is out there vulnerable to be spotted by a shark who probably dresses and speaks properly and seems like a “stand up citizen” maybe even have a position of authority, maybe even like he did, claim to be a representative of Jesus and some version of my personal Satan’s false story that he was a champion of all orphans and the disenfranchised. I have pictures of him surrounded by smiling children he claimed were in a orphanage he managed for a time in an impoverished part of the world and claimed to have been their main source of affection and mental health assistance in dealing with the loss of their parents.If you are totally mind f9(?#d after reading this, understand that I have been fighting epic battles through Hell daily via my mind and PTSD armed with love from my son, family, Antwane. An inkling that maybe I can build some sort of bridge to the nameless victims who will never have a charge formally filed much less prosecuted, the forgotten girls buried in shallow graves because a monster feasted on their human heart and knew no one would be in their corner to save them and that society at Large would walk on their unmarked grave with no tears shed for a “whore”. Armed with the small bit of reason and understanding I’ve gained through education and love not letting me die no matter how much agony and confusion and darkness swallowed me whole I walk out of that dark corner of shame today. I still need healing, I still am learning not to be hard on myself, I still have no idea what I’m doing but I’m fighting y’all and I have gained the type of clarity I’m not sure many people ever have after a lifetime. There is no magic day to come where after you try hard enough you never incur anymore criticism and you feel good enough, but in the meantime those who are so sure of themselves are devouring the innocent, virtually wholly unchecked and every bully, every shaming comment meant to put you down and shut you up is a type of weaponry used by those behaving inhumanely and projecting their diminished humanity onto you. Don’t let them do it. If you care how you affect other people you are top notch in my book and every shortcoming you have tell everyone to STFU about and keep going. Your inability to wow a crowd or rock a swimsuit for a magazine or even speak to a stranger or your emotional outburst and lack of attention to your house when you’re depressed.. any and everything that you feel ashamed about, you give it the middle finger for me. Your voice in your own head and how you see yourself is where it starts and YOU are who I need to join me in this fight with the odds insanely against me and the rest who fall into their snare. I need you to keep trying,I need you to fight to see for yourself what really matters and what is left because there are no superheroes or quick fixes and everytime you feel empathy for someone and want to take their pain or help, this is how. You become strong and you fight for reason, compassion, you fight the voices that degrade and throw away human beings but you start with your own.If you want to talk, text me. Might take some time but I’ll be there and I will not judge anything so if you just need to vent things you feel shame about I am a good sounding board I have discovered. I don’t have any answers for you but I am another human being who values you. Naj is doing great btw he’s facing his own bullies but he’s got an expert on his side and an amazing dad and uncle. I have an extremely bright gorgeous life ahead and I see it on the horizon. I almost said if I don’t reach it I will die trying but there are 3 amazing guys in the next room that love me, a gorgeous brilliant sister a few minutes away, my mom with her endless Love, compassion, years of memories and experience that I hope to be able to properly learn from and appreciate, this genius niece who is so much like me at her age but better and actually likes me. I could keep going. If you looked in the mirror today and thought anything besides “Damn fine bitch, world’s lucky to have me!” then go apologize please. Maybe you won’t mean it but you can get there. I may not be able to stop him. There may be Hell on Earth that I have yet to see, but the people who love us and are waiting for us to meet and love them, they are what matters now. You are what matters to me now. He used to tell me I would gain great wisdom from him and help him change the world. I did gain wisdom, I won’t give him credit for that, I dug it out of the ashes of what he left behind. If that’s possible then imagine what you can do

#recovery #recoveryafterabuse #recoveryafterrape #raperecovery #narcabuse #malignantnarcissit #sadisticpsychopath #covertmalignantnarcissist #psychopathabuse #datingpsychopath #datingcovertnarcissit #rapetrial #lowselfesteem #shame #ptsd #rapetraumarecovery #pnsd

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impivus · 6 years

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very rushed very shit intro comin @ you all but here goes nothing ! i’m felix from the gmt tmz, i use he / him pronouns, and im gonna power nap any minute now because one thing you should know about me is that i’m eternally on the verge of passing out from minimum exertions during the day. this is my pain in the ass eunsu: not even going to sugar coat it - he’s the human personification of a headache dumpster fire all in one beefy package and i really don’t even blame your character if they just . ignore his presence because, me too !

under the cut there’s some information about him if you want to get to know more about him regardless. smash that mf heart if you want to plot.. and i will get to you ? sometime ? its an ambiguous promise but i keep them, discord is also an option so just ask if you’d prefer to plot on there. eun’s about is here but no plots as of yet because life is hard and We Cant all Have Everything

aka im lazy

* ☾ ✧ * º ━━ is that KIM JONGIN walking about ? nope ! that’s just EUN SU CHO. & i’ve been told that they work as a INFORMATION BROKER ! apparently, they are TWENTY FIVE ( 204 ) years old . some people say they are a CISMALE, DEMON ! HE is very CULTIVATED & INTUATIVE but also DECIETFUL & MENACING. i wonder if they are just as odd as the rest of us . ⇢ SYNOPSIS. MBTI TYPE / entp, the debater ZODIAC SIGN / scorpio ENNEAGRAM TYPE / 7w8 KINSEY SCALE / 3 MORAL ALIGNMENT / chaotic evil / neutral HOGWARTS HOUSE / slytherin ⇢ AESTHETICS.

goosebumps raised and feelings of growing dread, the dark corner of a room where light doesn’t reach, silver pocket - watches with dead batteries, the scratch of a record player needle, flares in the sky, bad ideas coming to life, half-assed clapping when it’s required, figures dancing within the shadows & a smile you shouldn’t trust .

⇢ OVERVIEW

literally anybody: when are you free? eun su: im forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so i am never truly "free" but i don't really have plans all next week except for monday

this is eun su, and will y’all believe me if i say he used to be a good egg before he turned into the rotten egg i’m presentin y’all with today ?? i kid u not.. bs free zone. he did once .. have a hort he was born to a cult of witches, his twin brother absorbing all the magic that was meant to be equally distributed between them in his mother’s womb, which pretty much left eunsu as the black sheep of the family. said cult had been living on a small, near enough desolated island for literal decades, entertaining themselves with magic, seeking out knowledge, observing the unassuming populace, and toying with other supernatural creatures who dared cross their paths. unfortunately for eunsu’s family, tragedy struck when one of his aunt’s tried to over throw the high priestess ( his mother ) in their coven. unyielding in her position and untouchable to the magic she was exposed to, her sister went about other ways to break the woman’s spirits, dabbling in black magic predominantly to achieve her goals. eunsu’s brother was, thus, cursed before he was even born with an incurable heart defect that would see him dead before he reached double figures. eunsu’s mother was broken not mourned over how much he missed out as on a child: but she mourned for the fact that he was the only child that harboured any magic in their veins, the only child that could’ve carried on their lineage. queue entrance of eunsu and his Whats the Worst that Could Happen Attitude. being young and naive, thought he could’ve been able to solve it by himself, solve the issues and earn his mother’s lacking affections. eun had heard about dark vessels that could miraculously grant wishes through summonings. though he didn’t have magic in his veins he had a fire in his heart, and after all, demons cared not for who or what they fed from: so long as they appeased their hunger. all it wanted in return was a good, pure soul, and that’s what the demon stole from him before it mended his twin brother’s heart, giving the boy a new lease of life that wasn’t intended for him from the start. pity that eunsu died before he got to the age of twenty, following a quick and hungry fever that overtook his frail body and too soon turned deadly. there was no surprise that, come judgement day, he was turned away at the gates of heaven, in exchange for becoming one of lucifer’s own.

as a result of being eternally cursed with immorality and a tainted soul, he's lived some hundred-odd years and is coping by making the current populace in jeonseoul suffer along with finding purpose in digging out the secrets of his past life, mayhaps trying to find the demon who cursed him.... which could definitely be a wc.. and strengthening his abilities as a demon.

his personality is a bit insufferable; eunsu keeps himself distant and cryptic, because he likes it that way. he's a real weirdo ( if u have ever watched hxh he’s hisoka.. THAT weird ) that's hard to forget: completely mischievous, dramatic, and malicious to boot. some days he's waxing poetic about the futility of having a sense of justice and the next he's using his demonic powers to make some innocent tourist think they're hallucinating as they attempt to walk into a steady flow of traffic.

ultimately life's a game to him and bih.. he’s here to have fun ! he's outlived his actual family and friends ( well, aside from his brother who he barely remembers, prolly be a wc if anyone’s interested ) and he's not looking to get attached to anyone. it would be great to Die because it’s his forever Mood but he also gets furious if anyone tries to actually expel him for real - so he'll simply prod at the world and its people until he gets the reactions he wants.

fair warning: it is a pain to genuinely care about eunsu and not many people will wanna do it. he comes and goes into people's lives as he pleases, stops reaching out once he's bored and only ever grazes the surface of a relationship based on its worth or his curiosities, innocent ppl, cute ppl, etc are just gonna be eaten up by him then dropped.

the people who will be closest to him are doubtlessly other demons ig ? but he also hates y’all too so.. don’t get too friendly like he’s not here to make friends he’s here to be Jeonseoul’s next top Demon. also since he died sumn like 200 years ago it’s possible some wizards / familiars knew of him and his coven, it’d be super interesting for someone to have known cute human eunsu in exchange for chaotic bastard demon eunsu

⇢ MISCELLANEOUS

since he’s a young demon, his horns are small and his wings barely span about two inches above his shoulder bones, he got itty bitty bat wings lbr he’s kinda pissed abt it. there’s tattoos over his scars from clashing with other demons / hunters / angels, but his devil’s mark lining the back of his neck, performed by first demon who took his soul, has never faded away.

he also works as an info broker, which ties in with the fact that he’s a contractual demon ! it's more of a hobby than a job, something he does for kicks and to restock his gambling money and alcohol money, but he offers a helping hand to solo clientele for private cases if need be, just remember to bring your negotiation skills because his manipulation skills are a1.

he's well-versed in witchcraft even if he can’t actually possess the abilities that actual witches can. while hardly the mentoring type, he could be convinced to equip people with his knowledge of latin, spells or dark magic they want if he's interested enough. then again he might decide to screw them over for kicks so ask him for favours with caution.

for someone who carries a ton of spite and secrets, he passes as an easygoing, casual literature major on the daily to disguise his true intentions. find him at the university pretending to be a student and failing miserably at it like edward’s thousand year old ass in twilight

he cheats at the casino with his demonic powers but does it infrequently enough to pass it as luck. play games with him at your own risk. casinos are one of his favourite places but he can really be found anywhere with ease but some other places he frequents are: beaches, libraries, museums, bars, etc !

he'll get on people's nerves, but getting him to care to the degree of hate is another story. living this long has numbed him; people don't surprise him anymore and he doesn't care to spend time thinking about others. the secret to getting him to turn deathly serious is as simple as telling him you can tell that he was once a good person - because the cheesy truth is he was. he just convinces himself that he's given up trying to remember his human life and finds it easier to live like he’s dead.. yknow which he is.

romance makes him queasy, he's a spiteful old bastard and the concept of sweet love rubs him 100% fictional. there's someone he fancied before he was cursed but i'll save you the story: that's a distant dream now.

he might quote romantic works or put some pretty words together but he's fake as Fuck. if he notices someone innocent and unsuspecting crushing on him they are in so much trouble. he'll kiss their hand then twirl them right off a cliff. corruption kink central right here laid ease

as of rn he’s trying to master how to teleport and shadow control but he really is like on level one and he’s got to get up to level 50 to achieve even a fifth of what these other demons can do

edit: i totally forgot to include eunsu’s ‘demonic’ title after he was banished to the perils of hell. it’s ironically just saint, and he goes around using that bc it’s blasphemous and a big ole middle finger to god himself. nobody will know his real name, but if there’s an off chance that they do, that’s a massive threat to eunsu and he’ll get his Snipers on Scene

tl;dr:

#oddintro #. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE ── / OOC. ❞#so this is. a thing!

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neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing.

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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toukenra · 7 years

Text

@lithiel Oh my gosh thank you so much for sending this in I just got reminded of all the reasons why I love Tsurumaru he’s so precious I just want to suck up all the sadness he’s been hiding like a sponge and wrap my arms around him like he did for this Saniwa (yes I’m low-key jealous rn) thank you thank you thank you I really enjoyed worked on this one! (灬♥ω♥灬) (although this took me more than 6 hours of racking my brains but i’m very thankful for this request) And for the edgy dragon/wolf… Kuri-chan, just resign to your fate because as long as I live you will be loved by me there’s no running away from my love.

I’m just gonna assume there isn’t any established relationship between them YET (ehehe) so that’s why they weren’t allowed anywhere near her room although the swords more or less have a crush on their Saniwa and vice versa if that’s okay with you! And yessss~ gimme all the cheesy and cutesy fluff in the world~, I’m highly allergic against any kind of angst anyway so I hope you’re going to like this one!! (♡ >ω< ♡) sorry if Kuri-chans scenario turned out so much longer than the rest i wanted to write something longer for him and just ran out of ideas after writing this ._. *gets tomatoes thrown at me*

This could get quite lengthy so under the cut just to be safe

Ookurikara/ Kuri-chan

Why did he have to share a room with Mitsutada and Kuninaga who in the world could sleep besides these nosy swords? he openly grumbles as he walks to the bathroom to escape their loud snoring

suddenly his foot makes contact with something soft

an irritated look makes its way onto his face when he realizes it’s his current master sleeping right in his way

hasn’t she heard of a bedroom before??

woah slow down there Grinch

ponders whether he should just let her sleep over there or if he should call for Mitsutada to fetch her away when he hears stifled sobs coming from her

crouches down and is ready to wake her so he can go back to sleep

‘O-okurikara..please..’

shoots right up at hearing his name and bangs his head on the wooden beam with a loud thump startling the both of you

your face flushes a deep shade of red once she realizes that the man you’ve been longing for in your dream is standing right in front of you although he was angrily rubbing his temple by now

shoots you the death glare but upon seeing the fresh tears on your face his expression softens just the slightest

‘What? Don’t you even know what a bedroom is anymore or why were you sleeping out here in the cold? And what about crying like that you sure are bothersome.’

‘I-I’m sorry.. I guess I was sleepwalking and just landed out here. I-it’s fine you can leave me now.’

he really thinks about just going back to his room but in the end he just can’t find it in himself to leave you laying there like that

curses himself and the whole world and grabs you by your arms, basically dragging you back to you room

after laying you down you expect him to leave when he suddenly drapes himself right next to you, his arms pulling you flush against his hard chest so you couldn’t turn around and look at him

you were surely getting a heart attack by now

‘Ookurikara??!’

‘Tsk you sure are annoying, stop moving around so much.’

you knew all too well that he didn’t like physical contact at all so being held in his arms like this touched your soul deeply and you were about to start crying again

‘Y-you don’t have to stay here with me..’ you mumble apologetically but he only pulls you tighter against his chest

‘Tsk, just be quiet already. I’m only here because Kuninaga is snoring so loud’ he grumbles, making you smile a little at realizing how kind he really is

‘Thank you then, I will not forget your kindness’

‘I’m not doing this for you. Now just close your eyes’ he grumbles against your hair, making you giggle in delight

‘You know how people say that animals and children can sense the true nature of a person. I knew you were kind the moment Gokotai’s tiger cubs started climbing on you. Good night, Ookurikara.’

stay silent but is secretly blushing heavily into your hair

he hates it.

he hates it all: the warm feeling spreading inside his chest at listening to the soothing sound of your even breathing, the wavering scent of your shampoo that is tickling his nose and the sensation of holding a warm and lively woman like you ins arms, god he hates it why does the world have to punish him like that

(translation: he loves it so much and doesn’t want to let you go ever but Jesus he’d rather get skinned alive than admit to it)

both of you fall asleep just like that, legs tangled and intertwined both of you basically melt into one

would probably want you to sign a confidentality agreement next morning lol

if you ever tell anyone about this you’re dead

Tsurumaru

‘Oya oya what kind of surprise is this?’

his eyebrows start wiggling when he finds you sleeping in front of your room

ponders whether he should jump out on you or draw on your face but you were always so firm with keeping him and the others away from your room at night

which only made him more curious on what you were trying to hide from him

on a closer look he suddenly remarks that your body is shaking and tears are spilling from your closed eyes

that was definitely another surprise, but surely not the kind he wished for

he didn’t even know that humans could cry during sleep and it honestly breaks his heart a little at seeing you in this pitiful state

‘..rumaru..’

??? was that his name coming from your sleeping form ???

‘Tsurumaru.. please..don’t let me go’

yep, ok that was definitely his name spilling from your heavenly lips

and you’re wanting to be held by him? sure both of you had been playfully flirting for some time now but never would he have thought that there was any deeper meaning to it

at least not from your side

he tries to keep his cool, he really does, but his heart rate just skyrockets to unhealthy altitudes

carefully sweeps you up in his arms without waking you and carries you back to your room

lays down next to you and peppers your face with little butterfly kisses, even licking up the salty tears off your cheeks until you scrunch up and open your eyes, only to be greeted with the sight of Tsurumaru licking your nose

your first instinct is to yell bloody murder but a quick peck to your forehead silences you immediately

‘Geez, surprising me like that wasn’t funny, Master. If you wanted me to hold you that badly you could have told me from the start.’ he graces you with a kind smile before he presses a soft kiss against your nose

silly crane why u so cute ilysm :’))

not being able to form any coherent sentence you just bury your head in his neck and mumble a teary-eyed ‘thank you’ against his heated skin but he understands it anyway

holds you tightly and strokes your hair until you fall asleep

probably teases you next morning because you were drooling on him

makes it his life mission to never let you sleep alone again

good luck with trying to escape his nightly cuddles (not that you mind i know it)

great excuse to be close to you hehe

can you feel my love for him?? because my heart sure is overflowing with love for this precious crane

Ichigo

he loved his little brothers, he really did but sometimes at night he just wished to have some moments just for himself so he carefully removed Hirano’s arm from his chest and slipped out of the stuffy bedroom

admiring the full moon and fresh night air he just wanders around the Citadel until he suddenly finds himself in front of your door

somehow he always landed here, partly because of how connected he felt towards you whenever you flashed him that kind smile of yours and mostly because of his heartfelt desire to be closer to you

as if his prayers had been heard a soft whimper made its way to his ears

startled, his eyes darted to the origin of the sound only to be met by your sleeping frame draped on the porch

his heart breaks in two at seeing your closed eyes filled with tears and how vulnerable you looked in the dim moonlight

were your nightmares the reason you never let anyone near your room during nighttime?

heavily torn between wanting to kiss your tears away and being afraid of your reaction when he hears his name being whispered in between your little whimpers

404 ERROR ERROR Ichigo.exe has stopped working

after calming his racing heart it only took him 7 minutes he realizes that you were crying because you must have felt lonely and his heart just breaks again

musters all his courage and carefully nudges you until you sleepily open your eyes and pulls you into a tender embrace

‘I’m sorry for not realizing my desire to hold you like this any sooner but please allow me to embrace you like this for tonight.’

pure angel is bright red and dying inside but keeps his promise and doesn’t let you go for the rest of the night or ever again

he’s the epitome of cuteness 527457% would kiss him

Izuminokami

absolutely flabbergasted when he finds you sleeping in the cold

how did you even land there?

doesn’t give it a second thought and carries you back to your room bridal style because he’s sure he looks very cool doing so when he realizes there are tears streaming down your beautiful sleeping face

and you’re even mumbling his name with that cute angelic voice of yours?

oh lord please give him strength because he has to gather all his strength to not wake and devour you right on the spot

why does my sinful mind want to make this naughty bad girl Anni

decides its better to let you sleep and ask for an explanation next morning

gently wipes your tears away and presses feathery kisses against your temple

tries to be very cool and composed about holding you like this but when you sigh against his neck cool sword warrior just melts into a big puddle

let’s be honest: you’ve never slept any better than in his arms because damn that guy probably smells so good

probably teases you a little next morning for clinging to him during your sleep

shut up Kane-san, you were enjoying this as well

Kashuu

poor bab is lost when he finds you weeping in your sleep right in front of your room

he just wanted to use the rest room and now this

wonders if he should call for Yasusada because he has no idea what to do right now when he overhears you whispering his name

excuse me what?

you’re calling out for him right?

or were you crying because of him?

13637 questions and no one to answer them for him

it takes him about 20 attempts but in the end he wakes you and worriedly asks you why you were sleeping outside and dear god were you upset with him or why did you cry during sleep?

after you shyly admit that you just wanted to be hugged by him and ask him to stay the night with you poor angel just faints

reluctantly agrees to stay with you although he is screaming and dying inside

very stiff at first but eases into it fairly quickly and falls asleep with you since he realizes this is the ultimate proof of still being loved by you

- Mod Pancake 🥞

#ask #lithiel #my brain is mush right now #i need sleep my head is hurting so much from writing this i really hope you'll like this one #Ookurikara #tsurumaru kuninaga #Ichigo Hitofuri #Izuminokami Kanesada #Kashuu Kiyomitsu #Touken Ranbu #Mod Pancake

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thinkingaboutsanfrancisco · 5 years

Text

Sunday night, April 12th, 2015.

After the winter of running around with only ice in my veins, I'm glad I'm starting to thaw back to the peaceful default of time not being of the essence. It's hard to watch the clock like a hawk and let your existential worries take you hostage when you absolutely have no time for it to peculate. Either I'm in school or I'm trying to catch up on my assignments, I'm having lunch with Ray or I'm running into my dad as he's getting ready for one of his Chevron shifts, I'm helping customers or I'm stocking shelves, I'm picking up shit from S or I'm dealing it to Natalia... and I'm so consumed in all of it that it's only in these walks to the train station and on the ride back home itself where there's ever enough silence in my mind to allow the reality of to truly sink in. Honest to God, with the rate time passes through me nowadays, I'm stuck between thinking I still belong back in February, because that was the last month I can truly remember comprehending, or I've already expedited myself all the way forward to 2016. If it weren't for my dad's birthday last week and the fact that the A's are onto a rather impressive start, I wouldn't have noticed that we're already in the smack dab of April. I'm more than okay with it though. Breathing in this warm air is almost better than the Parliament soothing my lungs as I walk, but not quite. Nothing could ever top this reunion.

Okay, well maybe not nothing...

I wonder if Ray texted me back.

I haven't checked my phone since my last smoke break, which was about five hours ago, so maybe she has. Not like she has to or anything. Our conversation isn't the most vital, it's just the standard "Hey what are you up to?" sort of thing...except for with Ray, that conversation isn't completely boring because she's actually up to things. Last time I checked, she was at a late lunch with a friend of hers named Michelle at some place downtown that I'd never heard of. Apparently, they claim to have the World's Best BLT. She sent me a picture of her posing next to the sign proclaiming such, her silly grin as bright as ever, the sunglasses apt for the sunlight that's drenching her left shoulder...

"Looks like heaven."

It was my initial thought and I had to type it in a quick frenzy since my break was up. I didn't even get the chance to tell her goodbye...not like I need to or have to, she's not strict on formalities and probably just went back to her lunch, but something about it bothers me...

Especially since I've come back to nothing.

From her anyway. The only thing displayed on my phone screen is a series of play by plays from my dad about the A's, of which the only one I even bother to read is the second last one.

1-510-698-9209: "Damn you Nelson cruz!! 8-7 Mariners...we tried there at the end but sometimes things are just too far out of reach :("

You can say that again...

I swipe it out of my way and enter my password so I can text him back and call Nelson Cruz the biogenesis bastard that he is but, when I expand into my inbox, it's the conversation with Ray that I senselessly open. The corner of my mouth falters even further, setting into a frown as I just review what is lingering in the air. That impulsive sentence.

Why the hell did I say that?

If I had the chance to tap into any of my intelligence, I would've seen the plethora of way more interesting and thought-provoking responses to her picture. I could've asked what made them claim that because it is quite bold. I could've asked her if she'd ever had a BLT, because, now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever seen her order one. She's pretty consistent with her fish and chips. I don't blame her choice, I don't even like BLTs that much...if it weren't for my fucking dad pushing the limit of his arteries by clogging them with that potent grease, I wouldn't even eat them. There is nothing about it that would be heaven to me. So why the hell did I have it in me to make such a fucking insinuation? To lift something to a heavenly status? Sure, I just went with the first thing I thought of, but...when you don't have time to think, you're going off of pure instinct; a primitive response...

I don't know...

I don't, but there's this feeling, this ache in my gut that's stirring and... I can't. Not again. Letting my mind run wild the way it did this morning was bad enough, but I can at least blame that on S. I think some of the fumes of his lovesick haze may have gassed me like the exhaust of the Bravada and turned me delusional. When someone is beaming the way he was this morning, it's only natural to want some of the rays to bask on you and you just start conjuring up energy out of conjectural reveries.

But not again...

I can't have that light cracking onto her. I can't show her even the slightest inkling that there even could be something.

I can't have her knowing that what really looks heavenly is her in all of her radiance.

And she won't.

Not from that stupid message, that's for sure. She merely thinks I'm being overdramatically wistful about BLTs and that's perfectly fine. It's not out of left field in her eyes. She's seen me eat them, she thinks I like them more than I really do, otherwise, she wouldn't have enlightened me with that fact in the first place. She was practically expecting that sort of response.

Everything is normal.

It's all the same as it was five minutes ago. It's all the same as it was five hours ago when I was texting her and the words were tumbling out as casually as they always do. It's all the same as it always was.

And always will be.

With that, the screen dims to black because I haven't interacted with it, and I shove the phone in my pocket and pull out my burner.

Maybe I'll have better luck with this one.

I can't believe I'm eager to look at it since usually it's the other way around, but...fuck, I have been a little off my typical mark today. This weird twist of fate shouldn't surprise me at all. What I'm hoping to find is a response to my apology from last night's deserted customer. Customers can be a fickle bunch when it comes to forgiveness. Most of the time, I've found that a slight fuck up like this only pisses them off until the millisecond they get their hit from either you or someone else, then their gratification induces them into some sort of amnesia and everything is all in the clear. It's just another park, another Sunday. Of course, you never really know and it only takes one fucking lunatic to fly off the handle and make up for all of the decent, merciful, addled-amnesiacs, but I'm not going to throw myself into the furnace of paranoia over this guy. I don't think it's necessary...especially with the response I got.

1-415-224-4618 "nah u good, i gotta stay off the shit tn. gonna see my sis."

Oh shit. Okay...

While I type back and tell him to hit me up whenever, the comedown of both relief and guilt hitting me at once is a weird feeling. I've gotten rather used to not thinking too much into my customer's personal lives, because either they're way too chatty with it to where I tune out or their guilt suffocates them from saying anything about it at all...and I prefer to keep it that way. I have to. However, I'd be a liar if I didn't say that sometimes this economy of despair doesn't thud an uncomfortable chord in that dark chamber deep within my chest when I'm reminded of the ultimate detriment, the ultimate price of these transactions...

So much for trying to make myself feel better...

Thankfully, all I have to do is take a moment to breathe out my pent up smoke and I'm back into the state of false security and the temporary irrelevance of morality. But, it doesn't take more than a swift movement of my thumb to scroll onto another lowercase head trip.

1-415-214-4412 hey…how are u? i’m not doing so well. uh, idk what ur up to rn, or where u are, and i’m sorry in advance, but i REALLY wanna see u if ur around. it’s about lyd. let’s just say i shouldn’t have gotten so excited this morning. sorry again. i hate to be a burden. u don’t have to come, but if u feel like it i’m at that park on howard street. yerba something. i forgot.

"Shiiiiiiit," is what involuntarily spills from my mouth as I come to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at the words like, if I do it for long enough, they'll give me some sort of answer because...

What the hell am I supposed to do with t h i s?

I have to do something. I can't just stand in the middle of this street forever, but dread keeps a grip on my legs.

I don't want to get involved in this. I was perfectly fine being happy for S, because, believe it or not, I do enjoy seeing other people happy...even if they are my weirdo supplier. I wasn't totally comfortable with him or anything, but I think I came as close as I ever want to get during his story. I'm not aching to do it again, but it was a pleasant experience.

While it lasted.

Now, the sun has set and there's nothing but pitch black waters before me. They broke up. And...what the hell am I supposed to do about it? Why is he even asking me? According to him circa this morning, I don't know shit about relationships because I've never been in one---or, as he actually took the tactful way of translating it for once, "have yet to experience it". As much as I hate to admit it, he's right! I haven't! I know absolutely fuck all about the intricacies and feelings that go into them and I certainly know zero about the procedure of mending a broken heart. So what the fuck does he need me for?

Oh no...is it a trap?

Is he trying to lure me into a fucking park for some sort of vengean-- Stop. Knock it the fuck off. He isn't. He's not pushing that hard...he straight up said I didn't have to come for Christ sake, and I'm glad because I don't. The last thing I want to do is scour the uneven mountains that are the streets of San Francisco after already being on my feet forever and further scour some fucking park in the dark to get on a level I know shit about with the absolute last guy I'd ever want to be on that level with.

But I should.

My curiosity is a bitch. A real fucking bitch. The ball is so out of left field that it's plunked in the Bay and is being carried en route to the Pacific Ocean. Again, there are business reasons, but there's just something else there that's nagging within me.

Does he TRUST me?

Sure, this morning could've been a one-off. He might've figured that I was the only one awake enough early at that hour to even respond, but even then...there's got few other people who are in the know about his relationship with Lyd, some who would've been way more receptive to the call of duty, someone who would even be able to relate to any of this...or at least high enough to where they could improvise. And maybe there are. Maybe I'm just one of the hundred that he told and will tell. I don't know the answer to that, but, even so, it's still a good sign. He's lowered his inhibitions enough to let me into his personal circle, whatever the size of it is, and I don't know what I've done to be here outside of buying drugs from him to get in here, but we've come too far for me not to uphold it. Besides, I need to hear something besides for my own fucking shit for once. It'll be good for me.

1-415-208-0013: Okay. It might be a while since I have to catch the train, but I'm on my way.

Send.

Barely two seconds later...

1-415-214-4412: thank god sorry again. hope the train doesn't suck too bad lmao.

1-415-208-0013: It won't.

Send.

Close.

I slip the phone back in my pocket and ignore its subsequent buzz so I can cross the street over its intersecting tracks and not get caught in some freak MUNI accident, tossing my cigarette once I've made it over in one piece.

As I approach West Portal Station, I stop and pull out my MUNI pass so I won't have to be that guy who pulls out his wallet at the barrier and makes two measly seconds feel like ten fucking minutes. Not like that would be a crushing blow tonight. There are more people around than there was earlier this morning, but they don't rob the tranquility. The barrier's a breeze, there's not much traffic clogging up the way so the train isn't too late, the seats are spacious enough for me to comfortably pull out The Catcher In The Rye, and by the end of the ride, I have to remind myself that I'm not the one getting off at Penn Station. Rather I'm jarred into Powell instead of the typical Embarcadero. It's closer to the park, but that promise is nothing more than a sardonic joke to the unfamiliar. If it weren't for Google showing me where the fuck to go, I'd instantly give back up and go back down nderground concrete mazes are a lot easier to navigate than the above ground ones. Fortunately, it's only a five-minute bustle around the block. Unfortunately, the second the yellow brick road stops at its' open end, all dread begins to sink in.

I'll never find him.

This isn't your typical sliver of neighborhood grass, nor should I have expected it to be. It's quite an impressive sprawl of land for such a cramped city. In daylight, I'm sure it's a nice place to be, but, right now, these fucking weird solar streetlamps aren't doing too much. There's not a bench in immediate sight and not a shadow of anyone of his stature sitting in the grass...but I can see that this sidewalk loops around, so perhaps he's at the other side of the park.

If he isn't, he can get up and find me.

With a deep sigh, I trudge on through with my hand in my pocket tentatively wrapped around my phone for when I give up and call him. My fingers get a little tighter with each fucking lamp I pass...until I see something up ahead. Several benches in the widened path, of which the closest one to me has a lanky man slumped in it, whose only seeming sign of life is the cigarette he keeps puffing on, only further highlighting the grimly crestfallen look weighing on his face.

Holy shit.

"Hi..." I say when I come to a stop before him, my voice perking at least some registration of the present into him as he looks up at me. It relieves a little upward twitch at the corner of my mouth, but it falters about as soon as it came. He just...does not look good. At all. I don't know what the fuck I was expecting him to look like but it wasn't this bad. There aren't any tears down his face or welling in his eyes, but I don't think there's anything in there to fire it up right now. He looks colder and greyer than the sidewalk, and, despite how he keeps puffing on the cigarette, I can tell he knows the smoke ultimately isn't helping him.Not like I'm going to be any better. As I sit down beside him and stare forward, all I can see is the mounting brick wall of the inevitable: What the hell can I even say next?

#/anotherparkanothersunday #the bros #04122015

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writingismyhappytime · 7 years

Text

Kiss the Devil (Part 11)

Warnings: Language

A/N: I’m just going to leave this free content right here.

(Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 , Part 8, Part 9 Part 10)

Maybe this had been a mistake.

You'd given it a few days, but you'd grown restless just hanging on the bus, so you'd said you were totally fit to play again. You'd lied. Oh sweet god. Someone had been kind enough to supply you with a stool, so you're on stage sitting while everyone else moves around, and while your rib is basically screaming at you, you're doing quite well. You might miss a note here and there, but not enough to fuck up the song. You'd been keeping to the bus, so today is the first day you'd been out and about. You'd covered your bruises up with a thick layer of concealer, but you don't think it hid them very well. Plus the fact your wrists are bandaged and you're walking gingerly kind of gave away something had happened to you. But no one had the balls or care to ask. You're so ridiculously relieved when the set is over you almost fall off the stool, hastily making your way side stage before anyone else can move to help you. One of your techs quickly helps you the your guitar off, and you let your breath go in relief at the missing pressure. You lean up against one of the metal columns, grimacing. "You okay?" Becca asks, coming to your side, and you nod your head quickly. "Yep." "Do you need to sit down? Something to drink?" "No, I'm fine," You're a little annoyed at how attentive she's trying to be; you can't tell if it's genuine or not. Riley, your drummer, keeps his distance from you, averting his eyes and pretending you don't exist while Shannon blows a hug bubble of gum, already searching for her phone. At least those two aren't pretending they give a shit about you. "I'm gonna head back to the bus," you huff, straightening. "I'll see you guys later." "Okay." You can feel her eyes on you as you walk away, and you have to admit it's a little unnerving. You keep your sunglasses on as you walk, trying to just get through the crowd and back to the bus before anyone stops you. You're not very good at not being noticed, it must be the hair. You're a little irritated when someone stops you, some teeny bopper fans begging for a photo, too excited to meet you to ask why you're scowling at them. You force a quick smile at the camera one holds, getting a selfie with the two of them before saying you really gotta go, so wonderful to meet them, adios. No one had ever been so excited to meet you before; but that's probably because they didn't know what a dick you are. Still, you're a little flattered. Your boots crunch against the gravel as you reach the parking lot, huffing by the time you make it to your bus. You lean against it a moment, grimacing. Fuck your side hurts. ~~~~~ Ricky sits on his bunk, gazing down at his phone thoughtfully. He'd googled you, just to see what he could find; you don't have any social media accounts that he can find, and it's like you didn't exist before joining your current band. Well, other then your DJing. He frowns. Why did you come out of nowhere? Who are you? Is Kree even your real name!? His phone suddenly buzzes, and he glances down as he sees your name pop up on his screen, the generic background gray and dark. He needs a profile pic of you, he hates the default ones. He's starting to think that any mention of your named summoned you.

You: do you wanna come over to my bus? I'm all alone... Ricky: you're like half dead rn You: so what I'm not hot now that I'm mildly broken? Ricky: you're hot... but you're like a wild, injured beast and I'm not sure if you want me to come over to cuddle or because you're going to slit my throat and sacrifice me to heal yourself You: I hate it when you know my plans ahead of time.

Ricky reluctantly chuckles. You're sense of humor definitely hadn't gone anywhere.

Ricky: do u need anything? I'll b over in a few You: a steak would be great thanks Ricky: Doritos it is then ~~~~~ You and Ricky sit on the couch of the bus, your head against his shoulder as something plays on the TV across from you, neither of you watching it. Taking those pain pills really helps you, and Ricky isn't going to say no when you want to make out, either. He's just afraid to touch you, worried he'll hurt you, and you're irked you're in this kind of position. You know whatll heal you right up, but you're reluctant to do it. If you'd go out and get yourself a soul, the deal would fix your injuries. Just a perk of being a collector. But you don't want to do that. You're enjoying not hunting, instead just spending time with Ricky and almost pretending everything is normal. It's a nice change of pace for you. But your rib really fucking hurts too. You sigh as his lips leave yours, his fingers softly brushing your hair behind your ear. "I hate that that happened to you," he mutters, his fingers trailing down the dark splotches on your cheek with a frown. "I can't understand why someone would attack you." "Money, why else?" You grumble, flushing a little as you straighten. "Everything is always about money anymore." "I guess. But why kidnap you and physically hurt you?" "Because they're assholes, that's why. I escaped, so obviously they were trying to stop me." Talking about it makes you uncomfortable, you don't like the memory. "Can we not talk about this?" "Er, sorry." Ricky looks away, cheeks tinging. So much about you just doesn't make sense, he wants to figure you out. Didn't you say you were from New York? How did you join up with a band mostly out of Chicago? You're not close to your family, but you had a sister. You're in your early twenties, you're an amazing bassist.... He feels like everything he knows about you is generic, like he doesn't really know you. And he doesn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't be able to handle the truth about you. You'll never tell him, you see no reason too. You'll end up disappearing when the band stops touring, falling off the face of the planet, maybe go overseas for a bit again; perhaps hang with Yoltan for a few years. Anything to get away. "So what do you want to be when you grow up?" Ricky asks you, playing with your hair as you cuddle up to him, wrapping your arm around his slim waist. You smile slightly, your eyes closing. "I wanted to be a nurse." "Really? You're not much of a people person." "I used to like people," you yawn, burrowing closer. "But then I learned how much they suck." He can't argue that. "I thought I wanted to be a fire fighter until I was twelve. Then I learned how much I didn't like the heat." "Figures. I figured you'd want to be an underwear model." "Nah. I'm too badass for that; I get more girls this way." "So you think." His lips twitch. "So when did you have your first kiss?" "Why? Wish it was you?" "Yup. I wanna go back in time and kiss you before anyone else can." He kisses your hair, inhaling the scent of your blackberry shampoo; wow that smells great. "I was nineteen, actually." "Really?" Rickys actually startled; how ---? How did you wait so long? "The first boy I ever kissed was.... well, I guess it doesn't matter." "Why do you say that?" "I dunno. I used to be a really nice person," your eyes ghost open, a little glazed from your medication, but also a little sad. "I can't think of him without thinking how stupid I was, how naive back then." "How were you naive?" Ricky absently runs his fingers through your hair, bothered. "I thought nothing bad would ever happen to me, that I was going to have a fairy tale wedding and have lots of babies and a dog and be a happy housewife." Your voice is bitter. "It didn't turn out that way." Rickys quiet, not quite knowing what to say. He wants to ask what happened, what was so horrible that it skewed your view of the world so terribly, but he's hesitant; he doesn't want to being up bad memories. "Have you ever loved anyone, Ricky?" You suddenly ask, your head tilting back so you can meet his eyes. "I mean, really, really loved them?" "No." "I have, or at least I thought I did. It sucks. Don't do it, don't ever fall in love," you shake your head, his fingers stilling in your hair. "It's the worst thing you can do." "Why?" "Because nothing lasts forever, and the person you love is either going to leave you or die, and either way it makes your chest ache like there's a huge black hole in it, and nothing you do makes it better, time doesn't either. All you have left are memories, and eventually those go away too." Wow. Intense. Ricky stares down at you, chest tightening at your aggrieved tone, at what you went through. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "For whatever happened that --- well, that made you think that way." You just press your lips into a thin line, not going to elaborate, not wanting to think about it anymore. You don't need a trip down memory lane. ~~~~~~~ "So how's the girlfriend?" "She's not my girlfriend." "You're sure spending a lot of time with someone who isn't your girlfriend." "We're just friends." "Ahuh. Friends don't make out like you two do." "I, we ---," Ricky hesitates, and Chris snorts, shaking his head. "Dude, you know I don't care what you do, but.... be careful, alright? She seems nice enough, but there's something off about that chick." He doesn't have to remind Ricky of that. Ricky looks away, not responding, not knowing how too. He's worried about you, and he's not sure why. You've been through some shit, obviously, had some really bad luck in your seemingly few years. He kind of wants to do something nice for you, something to lift your spirits, but he's not sure what. Did you like cake? Flowers? All that girly stuff? Hmm. He needs to do something, anything, that'll make you feel better. And that didn't involve Ryan going all fangirl on you; you didn't seem to mind him chatting your ear off about music, but it also isn't the best time in your condition. No one had asked why you're bandaged up and walking strange, favoring your left side, but Ricky figures they will eventually and you didn't want anyone knowing what happened. Did you think it would make you look weak? You're one of the most badass people he knows. Just rather.... morbid. ~~~~~~~ "I don't know!" You hiss worriedly into your cellphone, casting a nervous glance around as you begin to pace the length of your tour bus. "I can't exactly sketch them!" "You're the only one of us who's seen their faces," Yoltan tells you. "We need some idea of what they look like so we can defend ourselves better." "What, you can't just stay away from all men in general? I know they're your favorite but ---." "(Y/N), enough with the attitude," Yoltan snaps, and you quiet immediately, even stopping where you are. "This is serious. Ysolde, the collector from France --- she's dead. Beheaded. Those men who came after you aren't the only ones in the world, I don't know how many they're are, but it's making the bosses uneasy." Eh.... No one likes uneasy demons. You sighed, chewing your lip a few moments in thought. "Ugh, fine, I'll see what I can do." "Thank you," Yoltan sounds relieved, and you wonder if the demon hadn't been putting pressure on him or something. "This will be a big help, (Y/N)." "Yeah yeah ---- shit, Ricky! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" You gasp, your entire body jerking as you just see him out of the corner of your eye. "I gotta go." You quickly hang up the phone, stowing it in your pocket and grimacing as your side reminds you that it's damaged. You turn to look at Ricky, seeing his quirked eyebrow. "Sounded like an interesting phone call." He comments, and you notice he's keeping one hand behind his back. You eye him warily. "My calls always are. What are you hiding?" It's making you nervous. Talking about those hunters set you on edge, and you know you need to be a little more wary then you are if they decide to come back after you. Ricky grins, and you tense as he shifts, bringing his arm from around his back and ---- flowers? You blink, a dumbfounded look on your face as you stare at the purple and yellow flowers in front of you. "Flowers?" You ask, reaching for them slowly, and Ricky nods, his cheeks reddening slightly. "Yeah, I... I didn't know which kind you liked, so I just got the purple ones. I hope you like them." You've had men and women give you flowers before, sometimes bouquets of Fifty or more to show their undying affection for you when you're after their soul, but none of them had ever been.... It hadn't been because they genuinely liked you, it had been because they liked the person you were pretending to be. It only occurs to you then that you're completely yourself around Ricky, you're not trying to play on his interests or likes, you've not actively tried to woo him. He just... likes you. For you. And for some reason that makes your eyes burn. You lift them to your nose, inhaling their sweet scent, touched at the gesture more then any other. You look at Ricky, seeing his eyes trained on you, uncertain. You don't say anything, you just impulsively throw your arms around his neck, kissing him deeply as the flowers hang over his shoulder. Ricky hesitates before his hands lightly close around your hips, a little thrown off by your reaction. He'd expected either a sarcastic answer or for you to just not like them or the gesture, not a kiss like this. Not that he's complaining. He's only had sex with you once, it's not like there's been time for more, but it's moments like these when he wishes more then anything you were healthy. "Aren't you two a lovely sight." Huh? You reluctantly pull your lips from Rickys, both of you looking over to see a man you don't recognize. Ricky merely groans. "Dude, come on; can you be an asshole somewhere else?" "Nope. The bus is leaving, Olson, time to go. Tell your girlfriend bye. We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago." Ricky sighs, a grimace on his face as he leans up from you. "It's my band manager," he explains, your eyes flicking over as the man crosses his arms impatiently. "I gotta go. I'll see you at the next venue." "Alright," you pout, slowly drawing yourself away from him. Ricky chuckles, and he gives your lips another swift kiss before he takes off, he and the manager disappearing. Huh. You look down at the flowers in your hand, putting them to your nose again, the plastic wrapped around them crinkling. That's so sweet. You find you're smiling as you step onto the bus, heading for the kitchenette and searching for a big cup to put them in. You know they won't last long on the bus, especially not with so many people in such a tiny space, so you're just going to treasure them while they last. Just like you're going to treasure him while you can. ~~~~~ "You realize this is probably your first smoke all day," Balz says, leaning on the bus as he stands outside with Ricky. They're at the venue, it's dark and the streetlights are on, and at the moment everyone is just relaxing. "I haven't had time," Ricky shrugs, cupping his hand around the flame, inhaling deeply before slowly letting it go. "Today's been really busy." "You spent three hours picking out flowers, that's why it's been busy." Ricky scowls at him. "I did not." "You did too. I'm glad you finally found some, it was beginning to be a bit annoying. You know I have allergies." "You didn't have to come with me." "I know, but I wanted too. You really like this chick don't you?" Balz asks, genuinely curious. He's seen you, but he's never talked to you, probably won't either. Ricky might not know it, but it's obvious how obsessed with you he is. Balz has never seen him buy flowers for anyone before. Except maybe his mom but that doesn't count. "I guess," Ricky flicks his ashes. "You 'guess?' Don't bullshit me, dude. I know you way too well. Do you even know what her name is?" "Seriously, Balz?" "You can sleep with someone and not know their name." Ricky flushes, shaking his head and looking down. How the fuck did Balz know the two of you had slept together already? Ricky hadn't told anyone, and he knows you didn't. Is he that obvious? "So where is she from?" Balz is half-grinning, a little amused by Rickys embarrassment; he'd figured Ricky had already slept with you, he wasn't going to say it but you had quite the reputation for getting around. He's just surprised you and Ricky are still even a thing. "New York." "She doesn't have an accent to be from there." Ricky shrugs, he has no idea, maybe you'd lost it. You seem to travel around a lot, and people tend to lose their accents after a while. "What's her favorite color?" "Purple." "Yeah, I guess that one's kind of obvious. Does she like horror movies?" "Dude, what's with the interrogation?" Ricky frowns at Balz. "Why do you care?" "I just wanna know a little more about her, why she's suddenly the center of your attention is all." Ricky snorts; he has no idea, so if Balz figures it out maybe he'll pass on the information. He doesn't know why he likes you, you're just..... there's.... Fuck, he doesn't know. He doubts you know either. "It's getting cold," he mutters after a moment, glancing at Balz. "Let's go in. And I swear to god if you spray me with febreeze ----." Balz laughs, climbing up the bus steps ahead of him, discreetly knocking the febreeze bottle off the table when he goes to sit down; that totally hadn't been his intention... Ricky casts a glance behind him with a frown. He actually isn't cold, he has a warm jacket on, it's just he's getting that eery feeling again, like someone's watching him. He can't place it, the parking lot is mostly empty, just a few other buses around, but his skin is crawling, just like it had before. Someone's out there, he just knows it. ~~~~~ The collector watches from the shadows as the men step back onto their bus, laughter spilling out into the night. Hmm He looks down at his list, at the names crossed off of it, finding yours is one of the few still remaining. You'd gotten away from his associates, you clever little girl, but they were never supposed to actually hurt you; he'd had them under orders to just kidnap you, put you somewhere safe until he could deal with you. And now there's a big stir, you'd seen his associates faces, reported them to the police. What a mess. He knows eventually he'll have to take you out, end your collecting days for good before more innocents are hurt, but you seem to be on hiatus at the moment. Because of that boy. So, he supposes, he can just keep working down his list, snatching collectors and offing them, causing the demons to be in a uproar. He doesn't mind, he's old, and hes been waiting for a long time. He's patient. His eyes barely flicker as a new man joins him in the dark. "So she is with him, then?" "I found them kissing after he gave her flowers, so she seems to genuinely like him." "Keep watching them, keep me updated. I want to know if she strays from him to find other souls. How are her injuries?" "Healing slowly, like a human. She's not collected a soul to heal herself." "Good. Interesting." Collectors don't stray too long from their job, the demons would intervene after a while, so you'll have to head back to work soon. Still, if you're preoccupied with the boy, the collector will let you have your fun, let you live a normal life. He wants you to have as much time as possible before it's too late for you, before your own soul becomes forfeit. "Sir?" "Yes." "How long do I have to remain their band manager? I only volunteered because you said it would be an easy job." "You'll remain their manager until their tour is over," the collector glances at the other man. "It's thanks to you we've found two collectors so far so close in the vicinity. Who knows how many others prowl the music industry?" "I don't even like this kind of music." "You don't have too. Now go back before they start wondering where you are." The band manager for Motionless in White scowls unhappily. "Why do you have us just watching that collector, anyway? Felix and Jack failed, but I know Mark and I could take her out easy, especially in her condition ---." "No one is to touch her," the Collectors hisses immediately, bristling, and the manager takes a step back in alarm. "Do you understand? She's mine." "Y-yes, sir." The collector takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm and not simply rip the man's jugular out like he wants; that's not his end goal and he needs the man. So. "Go back to your bus and play your part. I'll tell you when it's time to act and get her. Right now we have more pressing matters, more important soul stealers to deal with." "Of course, sir." Yes. The collector eyes the manager. He might be a problem. The collector doesn't want you hurt any more then you are, not yet. He has his own plans for you.

#kiss the devil #ricky horror #ricky horror imagine #ricky horror fan fiction #ricky horror smut #demons #soul stealers #soul reapers #horror fiction #murder #miw imagine #miw fan fiction #devil #devils #music #bands #motionless in white

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isempiterna · 7 years

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REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. Repost, don’t reblog! tag 10 ! good luck! TAGGED. @starryeyecl TAGGING. who of my followers haven’t been tagged yet, I tag u

GOTTA DO BOTH GIRLS CAUSE I LOVE OVERSHARING INFORMATION !!!!

the following information is for the verse YELLOW ROSE. information differs by a little or a lot depending on verse

FULL NAME: Lark Maureen Tempest ∬ Sparrow Grace Weave NICKNAME // ALIAS: HILARIOUS STORY TIME Lark used to introduce herself all the time as “Lark, but you can call me Temmy if you want” and nobody would call her Temmy sdhfdskfslhf ∬ one of her friends calls her Spar sometimes AGE: 26 ∬ 20 BIRTHDAY: November 26 (1991) ∬ February 20 (1997) ETHNIC GROUP: European mix (Irish-French, German-Polish-Danish) ∬ European mix ? (Irish-French, British-Indian) NATIONALITY: American LANGUAGE/S: English ∬ English, very limited Spanish SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual ∬ asexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic ∬ demiromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single CLASS: middle class / lower middle HOMETOWN/AREA: I just stick em places CURRENT HOME: ┐(ツ)┌ PROFESSION: café owner ∬ student

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: white-blonde, practically white ∬ black EYES: copper brown ∬ light blue FACE: heart ∬ peach LIPS: pouty, rather pink ∬ soft, dark cherries COMPLEXION: European, tans easily ∬ fair, smooth BLEMISHES: beauty marks! one at the inner corner of her eye (left), one at the bottom of her mouth (left), two on her cheek (right) ∬ none SCARS: a few here and there TATTOOS: none HEIGHT: 5′2″ ∬ 5′3″ WEIGHT: ~116 lbs ∬ ~106 lbs BUILD: hourglass, strong, compact ∬ pear, slender, toned FEATURES: major resting bitch face, can’t tell if eyes are bored or bedroom, STRONG ARMS ∬ delicate, almost a sense of ethereal beauty? bordering on creepy, hidden strength

ALLERGIES: none USUAL HAIR STYLE: casual ponytail, messy bun, whatever it’s called when you fold your hair up with a big hair clip?? ∬ down, easily hides her face when necessary, ponytail for running USUAL FACE LOOK: resting bitch, politely waiting for...something?, clear gaze ∬ thoughtful, mild to intense interest in whatever she’s looking at USUAL CLOTHING: comfy, loose ∬ simple, comfortable, subtly stylish

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S: losing Sparrow, losing her father ∬ losing her loved ones, what happened in elementary/middle/high school coming back to haunt her in college ASPIRATION/S: take care of her sister FOREVER ∬ get a degree that will help her help people (nursing? doctor? therapist? environmentalist? ??) POSITIVE TRAITS: honest, easy to talk to, very aware of her emotions, can let go of grudges ∬ good listener, friendly, supportive, forgiving, pacifist, Mom Friend NEGATIVE TRAITS: immediately dislikes you if you look at Sparrow funny, doesn’t always lose her temper but when she DOES, doesn’t know how to pull her punches, god her plastic smiles are the most annoying thing in the world, possibly too honest ∬ doesn’t think of her own well-being in the least, can’t stand up for herself, highly manipulable, apologizes for everything, gives way too many chances (as in she never stops giving u another chance) ZODIAC: Sagittarius ∬ Pisces (Aquarius-Pisces cusp) TEMPERAMENT: sanguine ∬ phlegmatic SOUL TYPE/S: warrior ∬ ghdvkhldlf couldn’t take the quiz again but I’d guess server (maybe she coulda been an artist if I hadn’t fucked w things ( ᐛ ) ) VICE HABIT/S: using force when frustrated, cheat day every day? ∬ apathy towards herself, unnecessary guilt, keeping secrets VIRTUES/VICES: kindness & wrath ∬ patience (and also liKE ALL OF THEM AAAA) & ........maybe like sloth...about herself.....emotionally....... FAITH: Lark has faith in herself hghdksvh ∬ Sparrow has faith in the good of others GHOSTS?: maybe a little but probably not ∬ who knows, why not? AFTERLIFE?: nope ∬ maybe, who knows REINCARNATION?: god she wants to be Sparrow’s sister foREVER ∬ maybe, who knows? ALIENS?: why not ∬ w h o kn o w s ? POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: democratic-leaning ∬ democratic-leaning or third party EDUCATION LEVEL: college graduate (4 years) ∬ currently in college

FAMILY.

FATHER: Lionel Tempest ∬ Chandler Weave MOTHER: Phoenix Burke SIBLINGS: Sparrow ∬ Lark EXTENDED FAMILY: uugh I don’t wanna write all this out but Phoenix has a p big family and Lionel has a huge family and Chandler also has a pretty extensive family that he’s largely estranged from NAME MEANING/S: Lark as in the bird ∬ Sparrow as in the bird HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: BIRDS

FAVORITES.

BOOK: the poetry book Sparrow got her ∬ just one favorite?? MOVIE: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (lotta fond nostalgia) ∬ prolly watches a lot of foreign films? not really a fan of violence 5 SONGS: JUST 5 ??? HOLIDAY: 4th of July bc FIREWORKS ∬ Christmas bc she can give gifts to ppl MONTH: July ∬ late September/early October SEASON: SUMMER ∬ fall and winter and actually spring and heck why not summer too PLACE: wherever her sister is ∬ home, her uncle’s library (visited once when she was very young, still dreams about it) WEATHER: SUMMER NIGHT ∬ mild autumn day, early winter morning SOUND: the crackle of fireworks and fizz of sparklers; ice cracking; distant traffic; Sparrow singing when no one can hear her; the thump of sand-filled canvas; bird wings ∬ snow falling; Lark idly playing the piano; footsteps on carpet; 3am thunder over the mountains; wind chimes and bells and glass tinkling and music boxes SCENT/S: summer air, heavy and humid; smoke (fireworks, campfire); hot spring waters; lilacs ∬ books and paper and binding glue; evergreen trees and juniper berries; the first breath of a cold day; healthy earth and roots and sun-warmed leaves; graphite and fresh ink TASTE/S: orange soda, carbonates; smooth coffee; light, crunchy snacks ∬ fresh fruits and vegetables; colloidal silver; water after a long run; raspberry chocolate FEEL/S: warmth, solid or soft or just the air pressing around; post-workout, heavy muscles but light on the inside, sweet oxygen and satisfaction; cool piano keys and worn foot pedals ∬ sunlight on window seats; scritta paper; winter’s chill; downy blankets and a warm mug; runner’s high ANIMAL/S: KOALAS ∬ so many?? NUMBER: uh ∬ prolly like 3 or smth COLORS: yellow ∬ soft blue and peach

EXTRA.

TALENTS: piano, kick boxing, Worst puns, keeping a straight face ∬ violin, bullet journaling, painting/ink drawing, cooking, running, creative and harmless pranks BAD AT: being patient, cooking, not starting fights with people who are mean to her sister ∬ speaking up for herself, cutting toxic people out of her life, arguing, jokes and sarcasm TURN-ONS: strong people, cute girls, people with secrets, soulful singers ∬ she’s so confused TURN OFFS: too many secrets, dismissive of Sparrow, BAD teeth, narcissism ∬ are u making her uncomfortable? HOBBIES: kick boxing, piano, talking about her sister ∬ reading, journaling, painting/drawing, running, violin TROPES: Action Girl, Plucky Girl, Beauty Mark(s), Cool Big Sis, Daddy’s Girl, DEADPAN SNARKER ∬ Sibling Yin-Yang ∬ Actual Pacifist, Shrinking Violet, The Heart, Friendless Background, Feminine Women Can Cook, Nature Lover AESTHETIC TAGS: coffee n shit, fireworks, summery things, bikes maybe?, that’s yellow, this looks like Sparrow ∬ books, journals, art stuff, blue, snow maybe, skies I guess, pretty things GPOY QUOTES: “When the guys call you bro” ∬ “When you think something’s nice but nobody else does”

FC INFO.

MAIN FC/S: ┐(ツ)┌ ALT FC/S: ┐(ツ)┌ ┐(ツ)┌ OLDER FC/S: ┐(ツ)┌ YOUNGER FC/S: ┐(ツ)┌ VOICE CLAIM/S: me, actually, when I channel Lark (?? it’s weird) ∬ Liv Tyler GENDERBENT FC/S: u think i got time for that

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?

A1: hfskdghsdf I’d prolly end up calling it smth rly edgy and dumb like “Forbidden” or “The Blue Rose Girl” which doesn’t even sound edgy it just sounds dumb. black and white might be cool, or sort of a faded color? maybe it would go from black and white to color. it would be about the blue rose verse and the consequences they face bc of Lark’s actions and maybe Sparrow was better off staying dead? the folly of the heart type thing I’m tired can u tell

Q2: what would their soundtrack/score sound like?

A2: pls don’t do this to me rn I’M WORKING ON IT

Q3: why did you start writing this character?

A3: it all started w Sparrow. actually it all started with BJDs. I did a faceup and was like “cool who’s this” and thought Sparrow Weave was a cool name and literally started rping her with just a name and a face long story between that n this, but I decided Sparrow needed a sister bc of long story, and a lark was a bird and tempest was sort of the opposite of weave? why did they have to be opposite? Lark totally changed as a character tho originally she was super happy-go-lucky and bouncy and cheerful all the time but then I started to rp her and she was like “MOVE bitch get out the way”

Q4: what first attracted you to this character?

A4: ?? her name was Sparrow and she looked nice with dead flowers and I threw her into the fray. she grew to be beautiful and extremely damaged. Lark tho, I really liked how she kicked my ass and did her own thing

Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5: just cause I know all their flaws doesn’t mean I dont love them for it

Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?

A6: Sparrow and I are super squishy and people-pleasers and like books and art, and Lark and I get waaaaay over protective of people and have similar taste in puns, although I’m never confident enough to say any of mine

Q7: how does your muse feel about you?

A7: Sparrow would like me, I’d remind Lark of Sparrow until she found out I’m the cause of her suffering?? then I would cease to exist down to the last atom

Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?

A8: this is going to sound horrible but I have this weird fascination with Sparrow in unhealthy relationships. she’s extremely manipulable but she’s also aware of that? so she might be onto you the whole time but why is she going along with it why does she have so much faith in you what are you going to do. LARK AND HER ENEMIES HALSKFHDKFSH

Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?

A9: Lark writes herself, Sparrow’s more shy but I know her. if I see or think of anything that reminds me of her I remember everything she’s ever done and I fall in love again. I never lose muse just the ability/focus to make the words go

Q10: how long did this take you to complete?

A10: fuck ass long I stayed up way too lat workin on it, went back and edited/added more information to parts so it made more sense today, STILL WORKING ON THEIR PLAYLISTS but yeah this was fun!

#𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚 ∬ memes #𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 ∬ 𝓢 & 𝓛 #𝟐𝟎 𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝟓 𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐠 ∬ 𝓛 (headcanons)#𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑐𝑘𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑜𝑟 ∬ 𝓢 (headcanons)#((GOD THIS TOOK ME FOREVER BUT I LOVE IT))

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custardtoast · 6 years

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hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”?

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.

#a #in case ya dont wanna read it all #im just basically lost at sea lol #feelin the same kinda loss for a long time now

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