#go live your life by all means!! pop off bro!! though if you ever return I will be eating your art once more

[brambletakato]

Saddest feeling on earth is missing the artists that used to draw that one blorbo in a way that struck a chord within you

[sukorakurai]

@snarkyship is a true genius. I commission this Stark Family Portrait and I couldn’t be happier. I wrote a little fic to accompany this fabulous Picture. hope you all enjoy.

Stark Family Picture Day

 By Sukora Kurai

  Tony sighed over the counter in the communal kitchen. He had been there since dawn when he asked Jarvis what day it was. Then his trusty AI informed him of an importance of this month. Now he was stuck with what to do now.

 “Hey Tony what’s got you down?”

 “Hey Capsicle, I’m doomed.”

 “Oh come on Tony, it can’t be that bad you are an Avenger.” Steve smiled as he got out food to make omelets for the Team, and greeted the in coming members. “Morning Nat, morning Bruce.”

 “Morning Steve, what’s wrong with Tony?” Bruce greeted heading to the stove to put the kettle on for his morning tea.

 “Not sure I found him like this.” Steve stated cracking some eggs into a bowl.

 “His and Loki’s anniversary is this month and he has no idea what to get him.” Nat answered pouring a large mug of coffee.

 Tony shot up in his seat and stared slack jawed. “How could you possibly know that?”

 “It’s my job as a shield Agent and Pepper’s PA to keep tabs on you. So it is well documented when you clumsily asked Loki to be your boyfriend during the Lord of the Rings Marathon where you bought out the AMC Theater for the day.” The Spy shrugged ignoring the fact that all her team mates stared at her in horror. All were now wondering what she had on them in those SHIELD files.

 “So Tony, you have and anniversary coming up? Have you though about what Loki might like?” Steve coughed drawing the conversation back to the main topic.

 “No, I don’t. What does one give a god especially one that has magic and can make anything appear out of thin air?” Tony waved his arms in frustration.

 “That is a tough one but I’m sure anything you get him will be fine. Loki loves you Tony.” Bruce tried to be supportive.

 “I hope you will be putting more thought into the gift you give me next month for our anniversary.” Nat gave the Gamma Doctor a pointed before wandering out of the room to start her routine before heading out to work.

 “Ha, I’m not the only one in hot water now!” Tony crowed at the look of devastation in his science-bro’s face.

 “Tony, knock it off. Now in my day it was the thought that counted most. You should find what Loki cherishes the most. You find that then you can present to him in a meaningful way. It’s true he’s a prince and probably has had his other lovers throw jewels and meaningless expensive trinkets at him to win his affections. You know Loki better because you love him and he loves you.” Steve pointed out.

 “Yeah, Lokes complains a lot about his life in Asgard and that there were many who wooed him just to get to Thor. At night when it’s just the two of us and RC snuggled between us he sighs soft and says what a perfect night it is. He never elaborates but I think it means that he likes just the quiet nights with us.” The genius eyes went glazed as he recalled the many nights he cuddled with his god. Then the idea hit him. “Hey Spangles, can you paint or do you just draw?”

 “Huh,” Steve was caught off guard and almost dropped the omelet he was flipping. “I paint from time to time.”

 “Don’t lie babe you are in your studio whenever can get the chance.” Bucky laughed entering the kitchen. “All the paintings in our apartment Stevie did.”

 “Great! Can you do a portrait if I get you a picture?” Tony asked digging in to the ham and cheese omelet.

 “Yeah, it might take two weeks maybe less depends on if we get called out or if SHIELD needs me.” The captain estimated placing another plate in front of his boyfriend.

 “As long as it’s done before the end of the month we’re good.  Jarvis start looking through my photos and pull out any possible portraits.”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “Delicious breakfast as usual Capsicle. I’ll get you the photo as soon as I find one.” Tony dumped his empty plate in sink and ran off to his lab.

 Two hours later…

 “None of these are good enough J.”

 “Sir, might I suggest you take a new photo of you and Prince Loki.”

 “Yeah and RC too, because she’s our baby. We can’t have a Family Portrait without all the family members. Where’s are RC now?”

 “She is currently with Alpine in his play room.”

 “Cool, I think I got the perfect outfit in mind.” Tony grinned as he ran to his emergency closet in the lab. Tony had put in the closet when he realized he destroyed a lot of his clothes during his inventing and building phases. Also there was a suit or two for the days he forgot he was supposed to be in a meeting and had to make a rush to the board room.

  In the penthouse…

  It had been a quiet morning with no call outs, no calls to Asgard and no need to go anywhere. Loki decided to enjoy the peace and quite lounging in his soft Asgardian casual clothes on the couch reading his mother’s spell journal.

 “Hey there, Bambi! It’s Picture Day!”

 “Anthony, what are you on about?” The prince looked up from his book to see his lover carrying their cat into the living room.

 “Well Picture Day refers to the day school kids take pictures for the yearbook and photos are bought for family distribution. Anyways I want to have a family picture that was honest. I never had that growing up because Howard was an asshole and Maria, my mother, was frail. She loved me but she couldn’t express it because she was always ill. Now we have our own little family and I want a picture to put in the lab.”

 “You want to take this picture now? Anthony, I look a mess and how did you get the bow on the cat?”

 “Aww, you look gorgeous, love, as always. Anyways, I put a bow on our baby because RC loves to look pretty for her daddies. Don’t you sweetie.” Tony scratched under the kitty’s chin as they sat on couch next to the god.

 “Mew,��� RC purred.

 “Fine, you win, where would you like to take the picture? Also what are you wearing? I don’t believe I’ve seen that outfit before, and what is on your feet?” Loki set his book aside and took in his lover’s appearance.

 “Oh you like? I dressed in red and gold to match my shoes. I had these shoes made based on my Iron Man suit. I thought maybe putting them on the market for kids but I liked them too much to share. So I have a life time supply in the lab. If you want I can have a pair made for you.”

 “No thank you. They clash with my outfit. Now let’s take your picture.” Loki said taking the cat in his arms.

 “Okay, okay. Let me get out my phone.” Tony fished his Stark Phone out of his back pocket and held it out to make them all fit in the frame. “Okay say cheese!”

 “Click”

 “Okay let’s see how that one turned out.” Tony looked at the photo to see him smiling a black blur and a bland look on Loki’s face. “Nope we got try again. This time smile Loki and RC you need to stay still so we can see you.”

 And it went picture by picture they have yet to take a family portrait.

 “Shit I only got half your face.”

 “Anthony your thumb is on the lens.”

 “RC Stay still!”

 “Achoo! Ow! I dropped on my foot!”

 “Do not eat my hair you Retched Creature!”

 “Okay I set it up on a tripod. Now say cheese.”

 “CHEESE BROTHER!” Thor popped up between the two men who stared at shock at the blond god.

 “Next!” Tony rolled his eyes as Loki vanished his brother to where ever. Tony didn’t ask where the Loki sent Thunder god. He rather liked staying in the tower and wanted to keep it that way.

 “Meow!”

 “No RC! Don’t chase the bunny!”

 Three Hours Later…

 “Okay, this is it I can feel it. Now Jarvis is going to take the picture the bunnies are secure in their room. The penthouse is locked down, so no unexpected guest and RC is filled of milk to keep her calm and relaxed. And I promise after we get this picture I will have Jarvis order you favorite meal from the Thai Palace down the street and I’ll rub your feet, while we watch you favorite Harry Potter movies.”

 “Oh Anthony you spoil me. I love you.” Loki sighed as a soft smile graced his face and he leaned into his lover as Tony joined their hands together. RC who was seated now on the god’s shoulder leaned in and purred soaking up the love of her people. The genius couldn’t be happier in that moment as he had his to precious family members with him and the grin on his face was wide and bright.

 “Click.”

 Two Weeks Later…

 “Sir Prince Loki and Mr. Odinson have returned from Asgard.”

 “Great, I got everything ready. Tell Loki that I have dinner ready and waiting.”

 “Yes, sir.” Tony had the table set with Loki’s Favorite food from the five star steak house, they go to. He paid extra to have the chef come over and cook for their anniversary.

 “Ding.”

 “Thank you, Jarvis. Evening Anthony, never in my life had been so glad to leave Asgard. He talked for hours at the council over stagnant topics. What’s all this?”

 “Well my hard working God of Mischief, today is our one year Anniversary and I have planned the perfect evening. Dinner, a bath and I installed a movie screen in our bathroom so we can enjoy the movie of your choice during the bath and then I plan on us making love until dawn.” Tony pulled Loki over to the dinner table, watching as the god’s magic removed the armor and replaced it with comfortable Asgardian wear.

 “You lovely little man, you spoil me so; I don’t deserve it or you.” The Raven pulled the billionaire into his arms and planting kisses all over the man’s face.

 “Yes you do, because I love you and I got you something, well I got Cap to make it, but it was my idea.”

 “You didn’t have to, dinner is more than enough.”

 “No, I wanted to. Now close your eyes and I’ll get your present.” As Loki closed his eyes Tony ran out of the room and grabbed the portrait from where he hid it. He placed it on the wall then Jarvis turned on the lights illuminating the painting. “Okay open them.”

 “Oh Anthony! It’s wonderful.” Loki’s eyes became all misty seeing their little family together and there was so much love radiating from painting. “It’s perfect.”

 “Happy Anniversary Reindeer Games.”

 “Happy Anniversary, my Man of Iron.” Loki whispered pulling Tony in to the sweetest kiss they ever shared. They didn’t hear the click sound of Jarvis capturing the moment with the sunset background. Another memory to save for another day.

 The End.

[all-my-love-for-harry]

And now we’re four.

summary: a family of three becomes a family of four.

word count: 2.9k

Based on these requests:

“i love my little shy boy, it's so cute!! what do you think about artemis getting a little sibling? like maybe one of his friends is getting one and he asks y/n and harry if he can have one too? or maybe y/n and harry are actually trying for a baby? the thought of artemis with a little baby sibling is killing me omg”

and

“I absolutely love your shy!boy series! Harry, Artemis, and Y/N are just so damn adorable together. I was wondering how all three would handle if (Y/N) was pregnant?”

and

“Hii ! I’m in love with your shy little boy series !!!! I was wondering if maybe you could write something about Y/N being pregnant, and Harry being over the top obsessed with her pregnancy/ the little bub and how Artemis would react?🥺👉🏼👈🏼”

and

“Hello! I’m absolutely obsessed with the My Shy Little Boy series! Can we get a blurb about Artemis calling Harry, on Y/N’s phone, in the middle of the night because he’s scared?”

and

“Can you do one where Artemis is curious as to why one of his classmate's mum has a bump on her tummy and when he finds out why he keeps asking for a little sis/bro🥺”

a/n: i’ve got many request to expand this little family so i thought i’d give it a go! Sorry for taking so long!

you can find more of my shy little boy here

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

February, 2020.

Ever since signing those papers, no one could wipe off the smile in Harry’s face. The endless amount of love he had for his family only seemed to multiply. Despite how sad he felt after he couldn’t give the concert the night before his birthday, he still spent the best day with the love of his life and his son.

Unfortunately, that was the calm before the storm. The following weeks Harry would be very busy doing promo for the album. He had some interviews and shows between Los Angeles, Washington and the last stop would be New York.

Y/N and Artemis had to go back to London when their long weekend was over, to return to their normal routines. Although at first the little boy tried to throw a fuss, Harry was quick to promise it would only be for a short time and he’d call every single night before he went to bed so Artemis could talk to him about his day.

It was always the same with them, Artemis had this strong attachment to Harry, one that he devolved as soon as he started trusting him more. Not that Harry would ever complain, the feeling was mutual honestly. The two of them were inseparable, Artemis wanted to do whatever Harry was doing all the time and the latest loved every single second of it.

One year into their relationship, Harry started buying matching outfits for him and Artemis, claiming he wanted them to match at all times. It was the cutest thing for those who get the chance to watch it.

“Promise you’ll call every night?” Artemis asked Harry, who was crunched down at his eye level. He had big, crocodile tears rolling down. Harry’s heart broke as he pulled his little boy for another hug, squeezing him tight to his chest.

“I promise, monkey” After one last squeeze, he let go of Artemis and went back on his feet. “Please call me as soon as you land” He now told Y/N before embracing her.

“I will. I love you so much” She said before closing the short distance between her lips and his. Harry hummed into the kiss, memorizing this exact moments so the following weeks won’t be so hard to live. “Have a safe flight”

“You too, baby” He pecked her lips one more time before looking down at his son. “You gonna take care of mummy for me, champ?”

Artemis nodded while whipping his tears and taking a deep breath. A voice called their flight and that was their call to leave. Harry would be flying to Los Angeles later that day so he needed to get going too.

He looked at his family one last time and sighed, already missing them. It will definitely be hard, but he was confident they’ll pull through.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

Harry woke up in the middle of the night because his phone wouldn’t stop ringing. He groaned before sticking one arm out of under his pillow and started to look for it. When he found it, he groaned even louder when he saw what time it was.

Without even looking at the ID, he answered the phone. His voice was deeper than usual and he was still half asleep but he managed to mumble ‘what’ to the other line.

“Daddy?” a shaky voice in the other end of the line answered him, making Harry jump out of the bed, immediately alarmed by the tone of his son’s voice.

“Hey, bud. What are you doing awake? Where’s mummy?”

“Daddy, I’m scared”

“Everything’s okay, baby. Tell me where you are”

“In yours and mummy’s bedroom” he mumbled.

“And where is mummy?”

“In the bathroom” he paused to take a deep breath. “I asked the voice in mummy’s phone to call you” Harry and Y/N had been teaching Artemis how to call them during an emergency using Siri.

“It’s okay, sweets. Can you tell me why are you afraid?” Harry was really hoping Artemis just had a nightmare or something, because he already felt powerless being miles away from them.

“I couldn’t sleep so I wanted to ask mum if I could sleep with her but when I entered the room she wasn’t there” He paused to breathe. “She’s throwing up in the bathroom, daddy. What do I do?”

In Artemis’ little six year old mind, he was responsible for his mum because Harry told him to take care of her. Before Harry could respond he heard how a door was opened and Y/N’s voice at the other end of the line.

Harry waited until Y/N had her phone back to talk again. “Hey, I’m sorry he woke you up” She said.

“He told me you were throwing up, are you okay?” Now he was worried for her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I caught a stomach bug” She sighed. Y/N was now laying on her side of the bed while Artemis was cuddled to her side. “But I’m okay now”

“You sure?” Harry passed a hand through his face, rubbing the sleep off.

“Positive” She hummed. “When are you back?”

“Just two more weeks, baby. Please tell me if you’re still feeling bad tomorrow”

“I will. I bet it’ll be gone by tomorrow” She covered a yawn with the back of her hand.

“Would you put me on speaker? Wanna say goodnight to the lad” She did what Harry said and moved the phone closer to Artemis so he could hear clearly.

“Daddy?”

“Hey, monkey. Will you get some rest now?” Artemis hummed a yes. “I’m counting down the days to see you, kiddo”

“Me too, daddy”

“Good night, baby. I love you”

“I love you more” He yawned, cuddling even closer to Y/N. He was much more relaxed now that his mummy was okay.

“And I love you, Y/N”

“I love you, H. Sorry for waking you up again”

“No, please. Wake me up anytime, lover”

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

March, 2020.

Y/N’s stomach bug hasn’t gotten any better. She kept throwing up every day, so Harry decided to change his flight and come home earlier than planned. He was supposed to go to Los Angeles for another week, but it was mostly to visit some people while he was still in the States so he figured he could do that other time.  

He was waiting for his flight to be called, bouncing his leg anxiously. He couldn’t wait to go back home and do absolutely nothing but spend time with his family until it was time to go on tour.

His phone started ringing so he grabbed it from the pocket of his jacked and smiled when he saw his mum was calling him.

“Hi, mum” He said cheerily.

“Hi, darling. How are you?”

“I’m good, waiting in the airport for my plane”

“I thought you would stay there until next week?”

“Y/N isn’t feeling great so I’m flying early” He shrugged. Taking the decision to change his flights wasn’t a hard one, his girlfriend was sick and it was his job to take care of both her and his son.

Anne smiled even though Harry wouldn’t be able to see her. “That’s nice. I’ll give her a call to see if she needs something”

“Thanks mum. I’m sure she’d appreciate that”

They kept talking for a little more, catching up. He was looking forward spending more time with his mum once he was back. “Harry” Anne called him.

“Yeah?”

“When are you gonna pop the question, son?”

“What question?” He asked, accent thicker.

“You know which one” He could feel his mum rolling her eyes. “When are you gonna ask Y/N to marry you?!”

“I won’t discuss this over the phone, mother” he chuckled. “Besides, I just made you a grandma recently, woman. Give me a break” Harry joked, making her laugh.

“I’m sorry! All I’m saying is you already have a son together, why not tight the knot?” she paused, dramatically sighing. “I’m getting old and I’d appreciate to watch my children get married”

He rolled his eyes. “One, you’re not old so stop that. And two, you have other child” A voice called Harry’s flight. “I gotta go, mum. I’ll call you when I land”

“Please do. I love you, honey”

“I love you more”

A long trip was waiting for him so he got comfortable on his seat after sending a quick text to Y/N. He’d be landing before lunch, meaning he would be able to pick Artemis up from school. He closed his eyes, hoping to take a quick nap during the flight.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

Harry landed one hour before Artemis was supposed to get out from school, so the car he called drove him directly home. He thanked the driver and got his stuff out of the car, when he crossed the gates of the house, he saw Y/N’s car parked.

Y/N had told him she called in sick again because the headache she had in the morning was too strong that one of her mothers had to take Artemis to school. He was starting to get worried, thinking it could be something else and not just a stomach bug.

Opening the door, he called for his girlfriend but got no answer so he walked right upstairs to the master bedroom where she found her curled up in the middle of the bed.

“Hi, baby” He cooed, soothing her out of her sleep by caressing her cheek. Her eyes flutter open and a smile appear on her face when she saw him knelt down beside her, inches away from her face. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better. Gemma was here earlier actually, she brought me soup”

“That’s nice” He smiled softly. “I’ll go pick Artemis up, okay? Then we’ll go to the doctor”

“The doctor? Why?” she said, supporting her weight on one of her elbows.

“To check up on you. Perhaps isn’t a stomach bug” he shrugged, sitting on the empty space of the bed.

She wanted to protest, but she knew Harry would insist until she said yes so she nodded, flashing a little smile at him. “Okay, we’ll go”

He leaned to kiss her forehead, pleased with her answer. He looked at the clock in the wall and sighed. He should leave now to make it on time to Artemis’ school. “I’ll go for the monkey, okay?”

Y/N cuddled back in bed, sighing happily because Harry was finally back home. Her boyfriend smiled at seeing her getting cozy as he stood up from the bed. Harry went back downstairs and out to his car to drive to Artemis’ school.

Walking inside of the building, Harry greeted a couple of parents he knew. When he reached Artemis’ classroom, his smile grew bigger at the sight of his boy chatting with a little girl who was sitting next to him.

Artemis looked up and his eyes lighted up when he saw Harry. “Daddy” He stood from the little chair and ran towards him. “Daddy, you’re here!”

“Hey, monkey” Harry caught him in his arms. “I missed you. Are you ready to go?” His son nodded excitedly. “Go pick your backpack up” When he went back on his feet he recognized someone entering the classroom. “Cece?”

“Harry? Hi?” The blonde, pregnant woman smiled at him. “How are you?”

“I’m great, how are you? When’s the baby arriving?”

“Two months or so, we’re very excited”

“Well, congratulations. Hope it goes well”

“Thank you. Worst has already happened anyway, morning sickness was a bitch” She laughed. Harry chuckled too, something clicked on his brain, a small possibility crossing through his mind.

Could Y/N be…?

“Daddy, let’s go!” Artemis came running back.

“I’ll expect you and Y/N for the baby shower” Cece said.

“Of course. Take care, okay?” Harry smiled one last time before taking his son’s hand to walk out of the classroom.

“Daddy, what happened to Ximena’s mum?”

“What do you mean, mate? She’s pregnant”

“Pregnant?”

“She’s gonna have a baby. Ximena will be a big sister”

“How does it work?” he asked confused. “She looks… different”

They reached Harry’s car and Artemis let his dad pick him up to put him in the car seat. “Well, is because there’s a baby growing inside of her tummy”

Artemis let out a little ‘ohh’, processing the information his daddy had just told him. “So Ximena will get a sister or a brother?”

“I didn’t ask Cece, baby” Harry went in the driver’s seat and started the car, driving away. “But either of them will be perfect”

“Can I get one?” He suddenly asked, kicking his legs back and forth.

“One what?” He already knew the answer but he wanted Artemis to say it anyway.

“A brother or a sister. I’d like one, please”

Harry breathed a laugh at his boy’s politeness. “Is not that easy mate. Takes a while”

Artemis didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride, singing along to the songs on the radio. Harry kept thinking about the possibility of Y/N being pregnant herself. It would make sense to him, all the mornings she’s been waking up to throw up, how she said to him over the phone that her nose was very sensitive lately, how her boobs kind of hurt all the time and lastly, one that Harry didn’t want to mention, how she’s been gaining a little weight.

They passed through a drugstore and Harry made an impulsive decision to stop there. “Are we home?”

“Not yet. I need to grab something real quick, let’s go”

They went inside and Harry grabbed a couple of pregnancy tests of one of the shelves. “What are those for?” Artemis asked.

“Nothing, baby. Let’s go” After he paid, they walked back to the car to continue their drive home.

The arrived and Harry sent him to clean up so he could go with Y/N. When he entered the room Y/N was exiting the bathroom. “You threw up again?” He asked, setting the plastic bag on the bed.

“No, I just wanted to pee” She smiled. “Where’s my baby?”

“Washing up” He smiled back. “So, I saw Cece today”

“Really? How is she?”

“She looks great. She also said she wants us on her baby shower, by the way” She hummed. “She mentioned how at the beginning of her pregnancy she had terrible morning sickness”

“Where is this going?” She asked confused. She sat on the bed and saw the bag. “Harry…”

“Look, it’s a possibility”

“I’m not pregnant” She assured him.

“Just take the tests, please. If it’s negative, then it’s negative”

“What if it’s positive?”

“Then we’ll figure it out” He took her hands. “Please”

She sighed. “I already know this will be negative” Y/N rolled her eyes but took the bag anyways. “And I just peed, fuck” Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “Go check on Artemis while I take these”

Harry nodded and walked out of the room and to his son’s bedroom. He found him sitting on the floor with a picture book in his hands. “Daddy, I’m hungry”

“Let’s get you some lunch then, kiddo”

They went down and Harry let Artemis help in the kitchen, he was fixing something quick for lunch while waiting anxiously for Y/N to finish taking the tests.

“Harry?!” He heard from the top of the stairs.

“In a minute!” He exclaimed back. “Wait in the living room for us, mate. Turn on the telly, we won’t take long” Artemis nodded, walking towards the bedroom and doing what his daddy told him.

Harry ran upstairs to where Y/N was. “Have you look at them?”

“No, not yet” she sighed. “You do it”

“One line means negative, two lines mean you’re pregnant” He repeated the sentence over and over again. He closed his eyes for a second before letting out the air he was retaining.

He gasped when he opened his eyes and saw it.

Two lines.

With tearful eyes he took another test and saw the same result so he took the third one and smiled when he saw every single one of them had the same result. He looked at Y/N, no words needed.

“We’re having a baby” He said as he let tears roll down his eyes.

Y/N smiled before tears formed in her eyes as well. They were having a baby. She was going to be a mother again. Unconsciously, her hands travelled to her stomach. “Well, it wasn’t a stomach bug, wasn’t it?”

They both laughed through the tears as Harry took her in her arms, careful to not squeeze her too tight.

Harry’s heart was about to explode for the amount of love he was feeling right now. There was an actual baby growing inside of Y/N. He bowed to himself he’d be at all times for her, he won’t leave her side for any reason. He wanted to live the whole process. He could already imagine himself with his future newborn in his arms, so delicate and pure.

His heart and soul belonged to his family. But it wasn’t divided in two anymore. Because they weren’t three anymore. And that couldn’t be more exciting.  

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

taglist!!

@myfavfanficsever @odetostep @la-cey @cock-a-doodely-doo @awkwardbullfrog @mellamolayla @moorgannn @bagtan-serendipity @awesomebooklover17 @finelineribs @sunnybusiness @beanholland @sweetenerstyle @cronias13 @vhsharry @maisley @seasidecrowbar @stylesfics-xx @autumnpauley20 @fineline-hs1

[hepaidattention]

denial

part 2

where Allison never died in s3 and Lydia and Stiles are still going strong in the flirting game but still stubborn, so Allison decides to set them up (with Scott’s help of course).

part 1 can be found here

Scott would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised to see Allison's name pop up on his phone screen as he played video games in his room. The names to pop up are usually Stiles and his mom. Seeing Lydia's name was a little more normal - he even got one from her earlier, telling him that Stiles was in the works of a terribly stupid plan and he needed to distract him from it. Hence the video games they were now playing together. Isaac was a little more regular, Isaac just wasn’t much of a texter. Point is, there were a lot of people in his life that he would expect to be texting him at 7 o’clock on a Tuesday night. However, Allison was not one he would expect. 

There was a time in his life where Allison was the most common name to pop up. But now, now she was with Isaac and things have been especially weird and tense since her almost dying thing. She said a few things, they both said a few things that might have made things even more awkward now than ever. It was by a miracle that Scott was able to even heal her enough to get her to a hospital in time. Even Scott thought they had lost her forever that night. 

Isaac was there in his room too, defeating Stiles in the game with a triumphant grin on his face. Stiles just looked like this gave him even more reason to hate him. Now that Isaac and Allison were officially dating, Stiles claims that Isaac broke some kind of bro code and he shouldn't be allowed over his threshold. Scott doesn't care though; Isaac's his friend. Besides the guy lived here most of the time, where else would he go?

Stiles, his attention now split, of course noticed Scott's uneasiness. Probably because he died a while ago and has shown zero interest in rejoining. Stiles was now frantically glancing from the game to zombie-like Scott, trying to catch his eye. It wasn't until his half baked attention span made him lose (Isaac cheering over his success) that Stiles turned to Scott and asked, "You okay there buddy?"

"Yeah, yeah," Scott locked his phone screen. He couldn't make himself open the text. He was sure it was probably something small, like 'hey do you have the history homework for tomorrow', but there was too much pressure for him to open it right now. He couldn't do it with two pairs of peering eyes now watching him. "Sorry, just started thinking. Got a little distracted. How about another round?"

"I'm down." Isaac tried to sound cool, but he sounded more enthusiastic about it then anything. With his permanently smug expression, he weaved his hands behind his head and leaned back, as if winning this game was a walk in the park.

"Of course you are Lahey," Stiles glared at him, his temper boiling when Isaac even breathed loudly. "Hey, why don't you do Scotty boy here a favor and go get him some water. He looks parched."

The weirdest thing about Isaac is now that he stole his alpha’s/friend’s ex-girlfriend, he did everything for Scott. Scott hated it. Stiles? Well he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Isaac shrugged. "Yeah, okay, I could use a drink." He got up and walked out, not even questioning it.

Scott waited until he left to say, "I'm not even-"

"Not all of us have a servant to wait at us hands and feet, okay now Scotty? Some of us, when thirsty, have to stretch a little truth to get even the simplest of things." He leaned back into the beanie bag and sighed. "Now what did Allison say?"

Scott's eyes widened and he looked behind them in case of Isaac before hissing, "How did you know she-?"

"You've been staring at her name on your screen for the past 10 minutes there, buddy. You're not exactly stealthy about it."

Scott smirked back at him and winced, it was this look that he gave Stiles a lot. Stiles knew it as ‘yeah okay well you don’t know everything thank you very much smartass’, but that was just general speculation. Nothing was set in stone. Scott looked back down at his phone fearfully as he said, "Like you can talk. You've spent all day staring at the clock, counting down the hours until you can go faun over Lydia Martin as she bosses you around again."

Stiles gave Scott that distinct look in return, this time it said 'you can't turn this around on me'. "Yeah, okay, whatever - I see what you’re doing. And I don't know what you’re talking about - I'm not seeing Lydia later."

Scott arched a brow, "That's not what Lydia said."

Stiles clearly wanted to ask what Lydia did say, but he was too smart for the bait. Scott knew it seemed to easy. Instead Stiles said, "So what you’re saying is you haven't even opened the text then?"

Scott puddled into the floor in shame, "Nope."

"C'mon man, she's probably just checking up, right? I mean, you've been really weird around her lately. Like borderline schizoid weird. Maybe she's just trying to clear some air so you'll stop dodging her every time you see her in the halls."

Scott frowned, "Have I really been that weird?"

"Scott," Stiles blinked, his face fallen, "yesterday she asked you for a pencil in class and you stared at her for five whole minutes before you gave her like ten. Then when she said she only needed one, you didn’t respond but instead you gave her like ten more."

"She loses her pencils a lot," Scott defended, "it was for later."

Before they could finish their conversation Isaac reappeared with the water. He handed it to Scott, which Stiles then took from his hands before he could even think about drinking it and took a long sip. Isaac flopped back into the beanie bag when Stiles said, "Hey, Scotty here's stomach is growling. You should go make your true alpha a sandwich, Lahey."

Isaac started to stand.

"Isaac, no stop -" Scott shot a glare at Stiles, clearly annoyed with his antics. "I don't need a sandwich, I'm fine."

"Okay," Isaac shrugged, "I'm gonna go make one for me then. I’ll make extra just in case." He walked out and Scott gave Stiles his 'I'm a disappointed mom' look.

"What? He’s hungry too, he said it himself.” Scott’s face didn’t change. Stiles sighed, “C’mon - Scott, he's like a puppy. He will willingly do anything the fuck I want for you and he doesn't even think twice. You could ask him to jump off a bridge for you and he'd probably do it."

"And that's definitely not something we're going to test." Scott gave him a warning glare before leaning back in his seat and looking back at his phone screen. "He just feels bad about Allison and he shouldn't, I don't have some kind of claim over her. We've been broken up for a while now."

"If it doesn't bother you so much, then why don't you just open the text from Allison?"

Stiles was attempting to make Scott admit something, but he actually had a really good point. Him and Allison were over, no matter what they might have said to each other that night. He needed to toughen up and read the text.

"You know what? You're right, Stiles." Scott unlocked his phone and clicked on the message in one swift motion. 

"That's not something I hear very often." Stiles watched, trying to read the text over Scott's shoulder. "What does it say? Was I right? Does she need to return to you all the unneeded pencils now?"

To Scott's surprise, it was about Stiles himself. Stiles and Lydia, to be more precise. Scott locked the screen again, just in time before Stiles got a glance at it. He just shrugged it off and said, "She just has question about history homework. I'll answer it later."

Stiles knew he was lying. Scott could tell by the look in his eyes, he didn't believe a word he just said. "Yeah alright, sound like believable bullshit at least." He deadpanned. "Not any chance you're going to actually tell me what she said, is there?"

"It's just about homework Stiles, that's it."

Stiles sighed and pulled out his phone now, his eyes on the time again. "I knew it. She wants to return the pencils. No normal human being needs that many pencils. Why do you even have that many pencils?"

"I always come to school prepared." Scott was reading the text again, now that Stiles was occupied with his own phone.

Stiles raised a brow, the corner of his lips sliding up to the side. "You know, just in case you break all twenty pencils with your werewolf super strength before lunch?"

“Ha ha,” Scott said with heavy sarcasm, probably something he learned from Stiles himself. 

The text said, "I need your help. Stiles and Lydia, as we both know, are in denial about being completely in love. We have to do something or I'm going to lose my shit. Meet me tomorrow morning at my locker. DON'T bring Stiles."

Scott was grinning to himself, something he wasn't aware of until Isaac with a mouthful of sandwich said, "What's got you so giddy?" He entered the room and dropped a plate of sandwiches at the floor in front of all of them. "You look like someone sent you that video of that dog who helps people cross the street again."

Stiles was now suspicious, looking away from his evident Lydia texting so he could check over Scott’s shoulder again to see the screen. Lucky for Scott his phone was back to being locked. Both boys were looking at him like he was up to something and he needed to change the subject. He decided on casually smiling as he picked up his remote control and said, "Who's ready to get their butts whooped?"

Stiles, taking a big bite out of his sandwich said, "Let's hope that answer is you."

As Scott royally got his butt handed to him in the video game, he looked down to see another text from Allison. When Stiles wasn’t looking he opened it, glancing down in between rounds to see it say: Take it back. Tonight. 9pm. Pick me up.

Scott had to keep his heart from racing the rest of the night. 

-

read part 3 here 

[etherealluminescence]

Could I request MC being distant with their demon bro S/O and hanging out with their brothers more. The bros don’t know why. Do they wanna break up? Do they need some space away? Do they like another one of the bros more? As they go to talk things out with MC they overhear them talking with the other bros about how they want to plan the perfect date for their 1 year anniversary and need their help in making sure everything goes well. How do the bros react??

Of course anon! Sorry for the late reply, here you go! I just got back from the hospital, aha guess who has sciatica, that might not go away for months? aha aha. 2021 sure is a bang!! (:

Side note I got a free pull on chapter and got a UR but literally nothing on my ten pull not even an SSR that I didn’t own. I only got one SSR. This is luck and so unlucky.

Brothers react to GN!Reader being distant..?

Lucifer

Lucifer was often busy, and he knew that. He stayed up late and had to attend many meetings, but you’d always be so understanding and he loved that about you.

But recently, you haven’t been waiting for him in his office or running to his office with a warm cup of tea, telling him not to overwork himself like normal.

At first he was not super concerned. You must be busy getting your midterms done, and studying! You want him to be proud of you and praise you.

However he happened to go for a break and see you leisurely chatting with his brothers? And not studying? After noticing him, you avoided eye contact and ran.

He was concerned and knew something was up. He would confront you, but it seems like you did not want to talk to him. Did he do something wrong?

He started taking a few breaks, and sort of stalked you. He was getting annoyed and was going to finally corner you, until he heard Mammon very loudly shout out this was going to be the best anniversary date.

Asmo was also clapping and cheering talking about how cute/cool you would look for your anniversary date for Lucifer. It finally clicked.

He chuckled to himself as he walked back into his office and quickly finished off his work, after being in a good mood. He’s been so busy recently he failed to realise your anniversary was so soon.

When your first anniversary date finally came, he was calm and collected. Before you could even tell him the plan, who pulled out some flowers and chocolate, giving you a chaste kiss on the forehead.

Mammon

He was having a really bad day, losing all of the money he just earned, and wanted to cuddle you.

You were nowhere to be seen, so he waited for you on the couch, seeking your warmth as soon as you returned.

However, you came back with Beel,, and Lucifer,, and Belphie... why??? Why would you hang out with those guys?? On a Saturday?!

He pounced and cuddle you, and chased off his brothers. He cuddled you in front of the door, and wouldn’t let you get up for twenty minutes and kept mumbling “you’re my human!”

After head patting and backrubbing, he sat up and got off of you. You gently got up and told him you’ve got things to do, but you’ll cuddle later.

Later never came, but you talking to his brothers did. Why weren’t you giving him attention? You were his! He was your first! And that includes first to talk to about your day!

It was completely accidental, but while he headed to your room to cuddle, he heard you pleading with Lucifer to not be mean to Mammon for awhile, and to help make your date smooth.

He thought you were asking Lucifer on a date, but then he heard his name, and one year anniversary.

Fuck. He forgot that existed. Wait wait wait. His human is setting up a date? He’s so proud.

You already know that he knows because he’s utterly confident approaching you and puffs out his chest and swings his arm around your shoulder,

He thinks he’s so sneaky, but you all knew that he knows. If that’s the case, he may as well get his snuggle time back now.

Leviathan

You would go to Levi’s room every evening after dinner just to hear him ramble on about his newest merch, or to cuddle him and give him an abundance of affection.

However, recently you’ve said that you needed to focus on your grades a bit, since you were failing, so you’ll make it up to him when it’s over.

Of course he didn’t question it. A normie like you still has to occasionally study. He was going to play some horror games he recently bought, so it was for the best.

He was so absorbed in his games he didn’t notice you haven’t stopped by for a week, or that your grades weren’t even bad. That was until..

“Shit.” He hissed as he reached into an empty drawer. All of his emergency rations were gone, so he’d have to leave his room to fetch somemore. He begrudgingly made his way to the kitchen, where he found you laughing and joking with his brothers.

He didn’t enter, only watch through a small creak in the door and let his mind go wild. Did you hate him? Why are you laughing? Is mammon actually funny? Why are you nodding? Why is there that excited look in your eyes?

He ran away back to his room seething with rage. He was jealous, yet afraid. A thousand thoughts went through his head, to the point he was ignoring you when you approached him.

You were concerned, but it made your job easier. Though, this made Levi angrier and caused him to doubt himself more. Why weren’t you chasing after him??! It’s obvious he wants you to ask him what’s wrong.

He finally marched to the living room, his jealousy outweighing his self-doubt, and was about to confront you. Until he heard Beel say he got the reservation at a cat-maid cafe downtown.

What? And then he heard Mammon say that he found the figurine of a limited edition Ruri chan you were trying to get for your anniversary.

Shit oh man. Levi forgot about your anniversary. He thought you said you didn’t want to do anything?? He’s keyboard smashing while his face goes red, running to his room.

Are you really doing this for him?? A yucky otaku?? Is it true you actually live him? His jealousy instantly cleared and he became giddy, and then worried about what to get you.

On the day of the date he fidgeted a whole lot waiting for you to ask him, and nearly shouted yes as you told him you wanted to go somewhere. He fell in love with you again.

Satan

Immediately suspicious when you refused to spend time with him. Thought you were mad at him or tired of him, due to his anger issues.

Gets angry when he sees you talking to his brothers, or walking with them in between classes. When did you get so close with them?

He’s not one to hide his feelings, so he was going to ask you what’s going on, he’s not playing a cat and mouse game with you. If you don’t love him anymore, just tell him. And at the very least don’t let it be Lucifer who you love now.

Your anniversary was coming up and he knew it. He didn’t want to waste his time planning something for you two if you were going to break up with him.

He was entering the living room to confirm your feelings with you when he hears Lucifer tell you where you could get one of Satan’s favourite spell books that he’s wanted a hard copy of since forever.

He hears Beel tell you of good restaurants, and understands. You were doing that cliche things that happens in books.

He chuckled to himself for not being a great detective on this case, and observed you from a distance. Happy looking at you, who thinks they’re so sneaky.

On the day of the date he completely one ups you, whatever gift you gave him was nothing compared to amount of love he showered you with, and he even played stupid.

“I’m so hurt, I thought you’d break up with me on our anniversary.” You panicked and tried to reassure him and watch him laugh.

Asmodeous

Honey, do you REALLY think he’d forget your anniversary, or think his brothers are a thing to worry about? He’s the prettiest out of all of them! What’s there to worry about?

He catches on very early that you were planning to make your anniversary special. He can just feel your love for him, even when you’re distant.

He knows the only reason you’d communicate with all those annoying brother’s of his for more than five minutes and ignore him is if you’re asking about him!

He overhears you talking to them about them when he comes back from shopping one day, which confirms his suspicions.

It’s a good thing, since he can freely go shop for you. He buys a ton of stuff because your cute face keeps popping up in his head, and how cute you are planning a secret date for him because you love him.

Your cuteness might even rival his. While you finish up setting the date, he’s preparing himself. The night before he goes all out with his beauty products, cucumbers, face mask.

He even anonymously leaves you a bunch of beauty products. Of course it had to be Asmo though, since there was glitter everywhere, and a bunch of hearts on a note that said “anonymous”.

The next day he wore his cutest outfit, an adorable crop top and sweater, with his designer bags and boots, he looked like the absolute queen he is.

From the gift you got, you assumed he knew. And from his look, he knew. It was just amazing how you seven really thought Asmo, the king of love, would not remember the anniversary of the one person he’s ever actually loved, not just for their body, but for their personality.

Would be insulted if you didn’t do this for him. You’re just so adorable!! He also forces you to change your outfit to match with him, and absolutely uploads a ton of selfies saying matching and couple goals!!

Beelzebub

You told him you were busy, and that you couldn’t spend as much time with him as usual. He was super supportive like you have a life too!! Go ahead!! I love you!! Don’t worry!!

But then he sees you hanging out with his brothers a lot and laughing and having fun and his aura just radiates the “):” face.

Did you not want to spend time with him? Is it because he ate part of your wall? Were you tired of him?? Did you not like big boys anymore??

He looked super sad and depressed and you wanted to cry and squish his cheeks, but didn’t want to ruin the surprise. You forced your heart to be closed so you could make him happy later.

He knew your anniversary was coming up and wanted to do something special!! But did you subtly hint you no longer loved him and not even attempt to do an anniversary food binge with you?

It clicked when he walked in on Asmo shoving clothes in your direction telling you to pick out your favourite one, so he could match you and Beel for the day of your date.

His entire entity went from “):” to “:)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He just mentally said I love you.

He just melted to your touch in the few moments you would stay together. He couldn’t hide how much he loved you and wanted to squish you afterwards, with his big soft hands. But he had to resist.

You thought he was touch deprived, but were so glad to see it wasn’t the case!! And that he actually had a surprise for you!!

On top of all his meal coupons he’s saved on the past decade, he covered you in kisses and snuggled with you!!

Your date was cancelled because he just ended up cuddling you for so long, it was afternoon by the time you made it to the door.

Belphiegor

He was asleep a lot, so he didn’t notice at first. But each time he fell asleep with you, he woke up with empty arms. Sometimes even in his bed and alone.

Made him kind of pissed, because he liked how squishy you were. Your stomach was a great pillow, and he could hear your heartbeat when he laid his head on your chest. Your thighs were also plush and smooth.

Then it finally made him pissed to the pissiest degree you when you said you couldn’t sleep with him.

He was throwing a tantrum later when he saw you talking to his brothers. He was going to murder all of them if they did not sleep with one eye open.

One of these days he knew he was going to stab Lucifer in his sleep for being a little bitch, having to exist and breathe oxygen, but now the others are up on that list. Maybe not Beel, but he was still angry at him.

It was an accident, but he heard them talk about your one year anniversary, and heard Beel ask if you were getting enough sleep from how often you’ve been going out to prepare.

He’s like,, what one year anniversary? Is it a human world celebration?

Oh. He just said your one year dating anniversary. He is dating you.

He forgot that existed, people celebrating relationship goals. He’s never dated anyone. He doesn’t like people in general.

He huffed due to how you refused him and always left, over a small deal. It’s just an anniversary. But since you’re so excited he could let it go.

He napped a whole lot, and it came to the date sooner than he expected. You were all dressed up and he combed his hair and took a refreshing shower.

This is true couple goals, he didn’t look like he just rolled out of bed for once, and it was just to make you happy. He even gave you a little pillow!!

[kaeyas-beloved]

Hi!

Could I please ask for IkeRev HCs for Ray, Fenrir and Luka. What are they like as Older brothers to a younger sister who’s still a teenager, 16/17 ish?

Thank you!

Ray Blackwell, Fenrir Godspeed, Luka Clemence || Ikemen Revolution

Warning(s): Slight spoilers for Fenrir's & Luka’s route (nothing major tho), maybe some OOCness since I haven't picked up IkeRev in some time - but other than that none (do tell me if I’m wrong though ^^)

Note: Hello! I’m really sorry for taking such a long time to write this (honestly I wrote and re-wrote this a handful of times and I still don't even know if they're that great...)

Still, I hope they’re good enough and that you enjoy them - thank you for requesting!

She/Her pronouns are used to address the reader/younger sister

---------------------------

Older Brother to Younger, Teen Sister HCs 

Ray Blackwell

Ray’s such a calm older brother in the sense that he’s both never intruding in on your personal space & gives you your freedom while still being able to know when he has to step up and protect you (even though he wants to protect you all the time)

Growing up the both of you were close (Fenrir was thrown in that mix too with how often the two boys hung out) But after Ray joined the army, steadily climbing the ranks and you stuck focusing on your studies you guys kind of drifted apart for sometime

You aren’t sure who started it but soon you found yourselves sending each other letters as a way to stay in touch (your letter more often than not having a picture of Belle tucked inside)

The little kitty loves you by the way - you’re his second favourite hooman (it’s cause you spoil him with cuddles), Ray’ll sometimes get jealous when the feline snuggles up to you because he thinks that his own cat loves you more than him

One day though you were walking home from school and passed an alleyway, faintly hearing someone baby talk to something. Curiosity got the better of you and that’s how you found your older brother, cross legged on the dirty street coddling one too many street cats

Though you do travel to that particular spot a lot now (usually as a way to procrastinate destress from school (or simply because you love cats like Ray does)) You’ll also keep them company when Ray can’t

Ray hates it when you go out late at night since anything could happen to you. It nags at the back of his mind a lot, that one day something might happen to his precious little sister and that he might not be there to save you. Old wounds and feelings resurface at the list of possibilities that come to mind.

He doesn’t want history to repeat itself, he doesn’t want to be unable to protect you from danger. So anytime that you visit headquarters and you stay late you either simply stay the night or have an escort take you home. You can choose which option you’d like but Ray’s not taking a ‘no’ as any form of an answer

Calls you dufus just because he can (but affectionately). Might also ruffle your hair and/or pat you on the shoulder

You call him an old man because he can’t stay up past 10PM (Ray’ll then make some kind of comment regarding Sirius and how he’s more of an old man, to which you both laugh until the man himself makes his presence behind you known)

Absolutely the kind of brother to move things you need off a shelf out of your reach before proceeding to walk away with a satisfied smile on his face

Also the kind of brother to tease you about any cute boys/girls/people that he catches you staring at or gushing about (but he’ll stop if you tell him seriously to stop)

Do you like books? Ray likes books. He has a lot of books. Take a book, please he has too many--

If you enjoy reading, Ray is constantly recommending you novels, letting you read them before casually asking you your opinion on certain characters or events when you’re returning it. But even if you're not an avid reader he may still hand you a book or two that he knows you'll enjoy

Like mentioned earlier, Ray is very busy with Army work and such but honestly, out of everyone in the Black Army, he’s the second best person to come to with homework (second only to Sirius). Especially with history. Like, you need the entire history of the Black Army or Cradle? He’s got you, he had to read up on it when he was on the road to becoming the King of Spades.

Really, you could just pop right into his office at anytime, ask your question and Ray will be able to answer without missing a beat before going back to whatever he was doing

You can always come to Ray for anything. Questions, complaints you name it he’ll listen to your woes/answer however he can.

You guys bond over your teacher(s) giving too much homework; Ray reminiscing when he was your age and in high school - he completely understands the struggle (it was excruciating. All the work prolonged the sweet embrace of a good night’s sleep T~T)

There’s someone who’s picking on you? Don’t worry he’ll deal with them >:)

He might not always know how he can help or comfort you since he’s not the best with words when it comes to certain things, but that won’t stop him from at least helping where he can

Will never let anything happen to you -- Ray protects you with his life and he'll use any power he has if it means that you can walk out unharmed, that’s how much he cares for you

Fenrir Godspeed

Fenrir doubles as both your older brother and your best friend

110% flaunts how you’re the coolest little sister a brother could have to anyone that will listen (most of the time it’s the Black Army tho)

Flips between calling you by name, ‘sis’ and any other ridiculous nickname he can come up with (but don’t worry - you have an equally stupid name for him)

Considers you his best buddy (aside from Ray that is)

Fenrir’s also the kind of brother to pat his sister’s head, ruffle her hair, give gentle noogies and shake her around by the shoulders/poke her playfully then go ‘wasn’t me’. Just like these wholesome little things that mean no harm or anything

I also like the idea of Fenrir giving his sister piggyback rides - it's just a nice thought, please don't take this away from me I beg of you T-T

Best bro Fenrir picks you up from school every day, no ifs, ands or buts! Usually, he’ll buy you your favourite sweet/snack and give it to you when he gets there.

Brings Shu Shu along as well and the three of you will talk about what happened at school or anything exciting that may have happened as he walks you either home or to the barracks

You’re both very chaotic + Ray joins in too most of the time. Quite a few pranks happen when you’re at Black HQ (RIP the Black Army when you come over and you three triple team them).

Harmless pranks I promise!

Fenrir may take one of your belongings (a brush, your favourite book or an accessory) and run around the place with the only way of you getting it back is to catch him

There was this one time you snuck tomatoes into his food to see if he’d notice.

Spoiler alert: he most certainly did

After that he kinda ignored you for the rest of the day as payback, pouting and pretending like you weren’t there, saying stuff like ‘huh? Did you hear that?” At the end of the day though he wasn't mad and was able to laugh it off (it doesn’t erase the betrayal he felt tho)

Once in a while you’ll also poke fun at his fear of ghosts, saying off hand that there’s one at the end of the hall, down in the cellar or behind him. You never go too far though - not after the time that a prank of yours left him really shaken. You’ve never seen him so scared in your life and don’t plan to again.

Oliver’s soul nearly left his body when he first met you and learned that you took after your troublesome brother

Fenrir loves helping you with any school work you have cause he likes being a dependable brother for you! …The only problem is that sometimes he doesn’t know how to. Like, he grasps the basic concepts of what you’re talking about, but if you ask him how to calculate acceleration or a parabola he draws a blank - you’ve lost him.

Pls cut him some slack tho he’s trying his best and just the thought alone is sweet 🥺

Compared to his best buddy Ray, the Ace of Spades has quite a bit of free time, which he spends by dropping by the family home where you still live for surprise visits.

Most greetings start with “There’s my favourite sister!” with you adding on “I’m your only sister Fenrir…”

You still welcome him with a smile, open arms and a hug :)

Swears up, down and on his life to keep you and army affairs separate, he’s NOT going to expose his little sister to the violence that comes with his occupation. He stands firm on this decision. This topic is one of the only times you’ll see him actually serious

You’re not stupid though, you know what goes on, and, because of this, every time you hear in passing that the gun crazed Ace of Spades was at it again - launching himself straight into battle - there’s this pang of anxiety that rattles you to your core. You’re sure that there always will be no matter how much times passes

As a sum up - very loving and goofy brother/best friend with the addition of lots of pranks and battle scares 😎✌️

Luka Clemence

You know how in game Luka starts off as kinda cold to MC/Alice? Yeah there's none of that with his little sister

Usually when hanging around her he's most of the time adorning a small smile cause he finds joy in being around her

The relationship you have is a VERY close one considering that, while growing up in the prestigious Clemence household, it was basically you and Luka against the world

Sometimes Luka fears that you’re really lonely back at home because he’s not around as much as he used to be ever since joining the Black Army. Therefore, every week he’s set aside at the bare minimum a whole day (or at least an afternoon/evening) to go visit you - or for you to visit him!

Y’all cooking buddies and I’ll die on this hill

Luka teaches you any and everything he knows about cooking all the way to baking. He’ll even write down recipes for your favourite dishes so you can make them when he’s not there.

Whenever you’re visiting the Black Army and it’s Luka’s turn to make dinner you pitch in and help. He’ll make some of the dishes while you make the others.

The Black Army adores your cooking since you have such a great teacher/brother

Luka lets you hold/pet/feed/take care of Stone. You’re the only exception he makes when it comes to his furry companion

Don’t swear around him he’ll die (that is, after getting told by the other Black Army officers why it's such a bad thing and a big deal)

Lets you hold his sword once but you ended up nearly toppling over because it was heavier than you first anticipated.

Would play the violin for you while you study if you asked him, especially if you bring up that it helps you concentrate better

Sibling fights are non-existent. The only time that there’s a chance of you butting heads is when Luka starts pushing himself too much with training or the conversion involves Jonah

Speaking of the Queen of Hearts--

It’s a constant tug of war between the two brothers on who gets to spend the day with you. Luka’s scowling, Jonah’s pouting and you’re wondering what you have to do to get your brothers to get along (or at least have it where you’re not in the middle of it all)

Very supportive of whatever you want to do with your life. Luka also tells you every once in a while that you can always come live in Black territory or even the barracks when you’re a little older if you want to

All the more should Jonah/your parents ever try to enforce something on you (like some kind of lesson/social norms for Red Territory that you don’t like etc.). Luka will 100% whisk you away into Black Territory to get away from it all, just say the word.

All in all each of the boys are wrapped around their little sister's finger and would do anything to keep her safe and happy :)

-------------------

Thank you again for requesting!

[Masterlist]

[imgoingtocrash]

my teen angst bullshit has a body count

by @imgoingtocrash for @hailxhydra

Rating: T

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, Jim Morita, Hydra Agents

Summary:

“Correcting people all the time, sucking up attention with the whole goody two-shoes act. I’m saying you’re a teacher’s pet, loser. And one day, everyone’s going to see it for the act that it is, and when they do—”

Peter’s hearing blanks out.

Pet.

It echoes.

Two years ago, Peter Parker escaped Hydra's control and was taken in by the Avengers. Traumatized from the experience but healing, Peter's starting to get a hang of this whole normal teenager thing. However, when Flash brings up a happily forgotten trigger from his past, Tony comes to give comfort and remind Peter that he's worth more to his loved ones than Hydra could have ever dreamed of.

Read on AO3

My fic for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange! Hopefully you enjoy it @hailxhydra!!!

Full fic under the cut as requested by the exchange:

“—But I’m asking if it’s a good movie.”

“I’m telling you, it was either picking Selena for the third time or Rio, which is a stupid animated movie about birds.” Ned shakes his head dramatically. “Everybody else will fall asleep, and if everybody falls asleep, then Misses Rodriguez will give us a pop quiz instead of letting us have a movie day.”

“But I like animated movies. We like them. We watched A Bug’s Life like last week!”

“Because you hadn’t seen it before! Your film under-education is criminal, and if I don’t help you fix it, who will?!”

Ned has a point. Being kidnapped and raised by Hydra after the age of six really limits a person’s entertainment consumption, as he’s learned more than ever now that he’s surrounded by other teenagers who grew up with movies and tv shows to watch at their fingertips.

“I mean, Steve does have a list…” Peter points out weakly.

Steve keeps it in his little notebook along with other things he doesn’t understand the references to yet. He tried to encourage Peter to start something like that in the beginning, but Peter’s never really considered himself a list person. He just sort of soaks up the world now, like a curious sponge. Sometimes it means he has to Google things he doesn’t really understand the meaning of, but it also means a lot of movie nights with both the other Avengers and Ned, which is actually sort of a bonus.

Ned stops them in the hall. “Yeah, but are they cool movies or are they movies for old people and war veterans who haven’t been alive for the last 100 years?”

“...You know that I don’t really know the difference.”

Ned gives a sad shake of his head. “You’re lucky you liked Star Wars, bro. Otherwise we’d be in a very different place right now, like, friendship-wise.”

“You still didn’t answer the question.”

Peter got to pick the movie for their classes’ Cinco de Mayo party. Peter’s not sure what either movie has to do with the Mexican Army’s historical defeat of the French, but he only picked Selena because Ned suggested it. Maybe he should be regretting that choice, if the other option was harmless little Spanish birds.

“You know, Parker, I have a question,” comes a very annoyingly musical voice from behind them.

Peter just barely resists to roll his eyes. Every time with this kid. Not that Peter is any less of a kid than Flash Thompson, technically, but he definitely feels more mature.

Ned, also more mature than some of their other classmates, completely ignores Flash.

“You’ll be humming the disco medleys for weeks, I promise.”

“Wait, wait, disco? I thought you said this was supposed to take place in the 80s and 90s?”

“Music endures, dude.”

“Hey, el idiots, I’m talking to you!” Flash interrupts again.

“That’s not even how you—” Peter starts to correct, only to realize he’s stepped directly in it when Ned groans.

Flash laughs obnoxiously to himself. “Just can’t help yourself, can you, Penis?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter grumbles. It doesn’t really matter what he says now. Flash has the attention that he wanted, which means he won’t bug off until the bell rings and until he has the last laugh. And that always happens, because he’s really the only one entertained by all of the poking and prodding at Peter.

Peter breathes in, steeling himself. He’s survived worse. So much worse. Bullies with electric prongs and steel cages and control over every other aspect of his life. This is just high school. Normal kids survive it all the time, even when there are bullies and bad test grades and cliquey subcultures. This is just one privileged asshole who thinks Peter’s an easy target.

In some way, Peter’s actually proud of that. No one has ever seen him as un-intimidating before. Even his Hydra captors knew that if they lost control of him as an asset, he could easily turn on them.

(Part of him always asks why he never did. If he wasn’t evil, if he wasn’t like them, then why didn’t he just fight back? But Sam says that’s just his mind trying to deal with trauma, and Peter is trying really, really hard to get better at ignoring those kinds of intrusive thoughts.)

Speaking of talking to himself, Flash snaps his fingers in Peter’s face to get his attention back.

“You’d think for such a genius, you’d be a lot quicker on the uptake.” Flash shakes his head like he’s disappointed.

“Please just get to the point already,” Ned begs, throwing his head back.

“Correcting people all the time, sucking up attention with the whole goody two-shoes act. I’m saying you’re a teacher’s pet, loser. And one day, everyone’s going to see it for the act that it is, and when they do—”

Peter’s hearing blanks out.

Pet.

It echoes.

C’mere, Pet.

Stay down, Pet!

He was property, he was an animal, he was a weapon, their weapon, he was a mutant and he deserved it, needed it, he was the Spider, a mongrel, nothing, he was nothing and no one and Hydra was the only home a no-good runt like the Spider would ever have and he should be grateful—Kneel, Pet, be a good boy and kneel for your masters—but he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t—

Foolish Pet, you wouldn’t survive out there.

You need us, Pet. You’ll always need us.

“Peter?”

He returns to the moment with one heaving breath, only to realize he can’t take in another.

His collar is too tight, they always put it on too tight and if he complains they hit him and if they hit him he bleeds and it gets on his clothes and he won’t get any more until his bath and he hates bath time because they water is cold and stings his skin and the soap is so harsh it burns his nostrils and they’re watching him he knows they’re watching because they never leave him alone because if they did he would try to escape, he would—

“Peter, what’s wrong, are you—?”

He did. He escaped and ran away but now they have him again and he can’t live like this, not when he knows about best friends and pizza and friendly ribbing and how warm he feels when Tony pulls Peter close on the couch and presses a kiss to his head and tells Peter that he’s proud. He can’t be here anymore, he has to go, he has to run.

“Peter, wait!”

Tony is, to say the least, nervous when he gets a call from Midtown Tech’s front office.

He trusts Peter by now. The kid has come a long, long way since he snuck onto the Avengers helicarrier during the chaos of a Hydra raid. Skinny as a rail, scared, brainwashed...abused.

The Spider.

Peter didn’t like being with Hydra since they were the ones that made him enhanced, but he sure as hell didn’t want to be locked in an enclosed space with a bunch of Avengers at the time either.

As was evident by the fight he put up until Steve knocked him out. Steve still feels bad about cold-clocking a kid when Peter jokingly brings it up now, but Tony’s never shamed Steve for the decision. It was that or some kind of drug injection with the way Peter fought back tooth and nail, confused and defensive. Practically feral, from the well-fitting clothing to his lack of speech.

It was all for the better, though, once they got him back to the compound.

Peter was a talkative kid once he let himself be. Funny, too. Almost normal, if you forgot the mutant spider genetics and years of torture from a bunch of descendant assholes that seemed to hate and resent the very thing they created.

That’s why Tony agreed to let Peter start school. Real, normal, human school just like every other teenager in America attended until they finished all twelve years of it.

Because he needed to be normal, sometimes. He needed movie nights, [other things], and most importantly, friends that were his own age rather than a bunch of adult superheroes that often acted like children.

But also because Peter wanted to go, and Tony had a really, really hard time denying anything that the kid wanted when he could so easily provide.

Peter had such a hard time wanting anything, in the beginning. What did Peter want to wear instead of the plain, grey, dirty sweatpants from Hydra? What did Peter want to eat now that he could have an adequate amount of calories for his enhanced, still growing body? What did he want to watch? Listen to?

All of these choices were suddenly available to Peter, but shaking years of being denied any kind of want, any kind of choice took a toll on him that took a lot of work to get through.

Peter had put in the work. Unsurprisingly well. He was smart—tactically from years of being trained for missions, academically from whatever education Hydra must have thrust upon him. Not so much socially, but they were doing better as Peter spent more time around people that actually cared about him and lobbed insults around to tease rather than to actually cause emotional harm.

But was that enough...training, of sorts, to be around a bunch of teenagers? Sure, Peter was technically also a teenager, but they’d found him at 14. Tony still looked at Peter and saw the wide-eyed little kid sitting in the corner of a containment cell, flinching every time Tony moved.

Two years later and a lot of growth physically and emotionally, but was it enough?

Tony was hesitant about it, wish-washing the entire summer with maybes and I’ll think about its until the deadline arrived and Tony had to actually make the call.

Peter had pleaded, citing an extensive, cheesy list of films that made him want the high school experience himself for some reason. He very genuinely enjoyed shopping for school supplies. He passed Midtown’s entrance exam with results that faked years progressing in homeschooling that Tony knew would have been true, if Peter had gotten the chance to grow up like he was supposed to.

So, Tony eventually said yes, knowing that one day this call might come and Tony would have to be prepared for whatever was on the other end of the line.

An “incident” of some kind. Whatever that meant. The secretary was entirely unclear, only insistent that Peter’s family should get down to the premises immediately to handle things.

That was Tony.

Part of Tony couldn’t fathom why Peter chose him out of everyone on the team to latch onto. Another part wasn’t exactly shocked. Trauma recognized trauma, after all, even if the context was entirely different.

Tony knew what it was like to be belittled. To be seen as something you weren’t. To be abused by someone you never really trusted in the first place.

He and Peter talked a lot in that little containment cell. Hours of Tony blabbering like he always did when he was uncomfortable and Peter just sitting and waiting, waiting, waiting for the strikes to start coming.

When he said his first words.

When he told Tony his name—not Spider, but Peter Parker, a little boy from Queens who lost his parents and his whole normal life in the same night, according to FRIDAY’s records.

When he touched Tony’s arm for the first time and got a smile instead of a reprimand.

He waited and Tony was patient and it was a rough road, but...Tony was kind of a parent, now. A parental figure, at least, among others of varying degrees of quality and influence on a scarred teenager.

He was Peter’s family, whether either of them was any good at it in a traditional way or not.

And also, you know. His money was paying Peter’s tuition. His time went into helping Peter study for the entrance exam. His name was technically on Peter’s manufactured birth certificate because he was the one forging it and it wasn’t like anyone else was offering when the subject came up.

And maybe, a little, because he cared about Peter. Loved him. Wanted to be what Peter needed, what he deserved, and what better way to do that than to write his name on a piece of paper that signified the job he sort of kind of wanted?

Tony slams the car door behind himself after pulling into Midtown’s parking lot, putting on his sunglasses for the brief trip into the early afternoon sun. He’s checking security cameras, exits, and also preparing a hefty sum of cash to go into Principal Jim Morita’s bank account as well as a handful of government officials, if that’s what it takes.

Again, not that Tony doesn’t trust Peter, it’s just...when you get this kind of call and your kid is a highly trained former assassin, you prepare exit strategies on multiple fronts.

It’s been two months and Peter has only made one friend at this place. The kids can’t all be angels like Peter proclaims Ned Leeds to be. If one of them touched Peter out of nowhere or said the wrong thing, maybe Peter lashed out. Maybe Peter forgot to hold his strength back like he’s been training to do. Maybe something was broken.

Maybe it’s something far worse.

Tony has to be ready for that. He has to be ready for whatever it takes to protect Peter.

At the very least, the police aren’t on site. That’s probably a good sign that they’re willing to leave this as an internal matter for now.

The unhelpful secretary of before leads Tony out of the office by the arm at a quick pace, not explaining the situation at all before they arrive at the scene. Whatever it is. Tony was definitely expecting more blood or yelling or...anything, really.

A small crowd stands outside of a door, marked by a golden plaque to be the janitor’s closet.

Leaning on the door itself with his arms resolutely crossed is a kid about Peter’s age. Short black hair, light brown skin, dressed so similarly to Peter that Tony’s starting to wonder if that’s where Peter’s new obsession with those geeky little t-shirts has come from.

“Mister Leeds—” An older Asian man pleads, dressed in a suit and standing up straight with all of the authority he can seem to muster against the stone wall that is the teen in front of him.

The kid shakes his head in response. So this is Ned, then.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not moving. If he wants to stay in there to calm down, he should be allowed to stay in there.”

“I’m sure his parents—”

“He doesn’t even have—you don’t even know what he’s gone through!”

“And you do?”

“Well...kinda? No. But—but he’s obviously freaking out and everyone crowding around him is only going to make it worse!”

The adult rubs a hand across his forehead, stressing at a fold of wrinkles that settles there from the stress.

“Ned, I recognize you’re just trying to be a good friend, but this is a problem for—”

Tony clears his throat, catching the attention of both parties.

The older man sighs. “Oh, good. Thank you, Theresa, you can go on back to the office. We’ll take it from here.”

The secretary nods, brusquely turning around and heading off, leaving Tony there to be examined by both Ned and what must be the principal.

“Mister Stark, I’m glad you could come down, though I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’m Principal Morita.”

“Obviously you know who I am,” Tony replies, shaking the man’s hand. “What did happen, exactly? Theresa was sparse on the details.”

“I told you, it’s Flash’s fault! He was being a dick and—” Ned shouts.

“Mister Leeds.” The principal interrupts, stern. “Another student apparently said something...unkind to Peter. He didn’t take it well and locked himself in the closet. I haven’t even been able to assess the situation properly yet. Normally I would start with asking Peter’s side of the story, but...”

He looks to the closet, where Ned still stands, defensive.

“The bouncer is a real stickler, got it,” Tony jokes, aiming a small smile at Ned. “Peter does seem to attract the protective type.”

“Oh,” Ned says, suddenly meeting Tony’s eyes and gaping like a fish. He seems to have finally realized exactly who he’s talking to. “Oh, wow. Mister Stark, it’s an honor. I’m a huge fan, like, so huge. Peter tells me to shut up about you at least three times a day. When he showed me a picture of you guys I was like, ‘Oh my god, your dad is Tony Stark!’ and he was like ‘Oh. Yeah, I guess you’d know who he is, huh?’ like he totally didn’t get how awesome it is that you’re Iron Man. And I know you’re only kind of his dad, but still—”

“It’s suddenly become very clear to me why you two are friends,” Tony responds, keeping his smile on.

It’s actually kind of sweet to see that Peter’s found someone to confide in, even if he’s seemingly left out the more traumatic elements. But he also knows that Peter can hear them through the door, and he wants to get to the kid as fast as possible instead of dawdling for time.

If Peter wants to see him, that is.

He does, doesn’t he? Tony has been there for everything, so far. Every breakdown when the choices became too much, when the world outside of Peter’s little cell and all of the things he did that he wishes he could forget attack him at night. He hasn’t gotten old enough to not want Tony around when he’s upset, right?

“Sorry, Mister Stark. Sorry,” Ned apologizes. “I’m just nervous and worried about Peter and—”

“I get it, kid. You’re good.” He gives a reassuring grasp to Ned’s shoulder. “But if you wouldn’t mind, I really need to see Peter now. You can ask him yourself, but I’m usually the exception to any rule about Peter wanting to be alone.”

“Right, yeah. I’ll just—”

Ned turns to open the door, but gives Morita a shifty look, like he doesn’t trust the man not to dive bomb in if given the chance.

“Peter—”

“Let him in,” replies Peter’s strained voice. He’s definitely been crying. Poor kid.

Ned pulls back and nods at Tony, stepping aside to let him through.

“You did a good job protecting him, Leeds. Thank you,” he says to the teen before stepping into the dimly lit closet and shutting the door behind him.

The room smells musty and over-powerful at the same time thanks to the potent combination of cleaners and the mop cart sitting so close together. Out of anywhere Peter could have picked, this probably isn’t the kindest to his sense of smell if it’s making Tony already scrunch his nose.

It’s lit by a single pull-chain light bulb, and in the shadows of it sits Peter, curled into himself and leaning against a rusty metal shelf filled with paper towels, cleaning equipment, and a few bottles of product that have to be expired.

“Hey, Pete.” Tony frowns at the cracked floor tile, but settles himself next to Peter anyway. His back catches some kind of spray bottle sitting on the shelf that digs uncomfortably into his back.

Peter sniffs, not looking up from the cradle of his arms. “Hey.”

Tony heaves a sigh, for the drama. “So, I hear you got your first bully.”

Peter shrugs. “Guess so.”

“That Ted kid is pretty nice. He’s a good friend.”

“Yeah. And his name is Ned.”

Tony stops beating around the bush. “What happened, Peter?”

“It was fine. It was good, you know? I got an A+ on my Spanish test, and Misses Rodriguez offered to let me choose the movie we were gonna watch for the Cinco de Mayo party as a reward. I didn’t even know any of the movies, but Ned said Selena was good because Jennifer Lopez is hot, so that’s what I picked. It was a good day, Tony!”

“...But?”

“But then Flash—”

“I meant to ask, is that his actual name? Like, legally?”

“No.”

“Oh thank god.”

“Flash said…he said I was a…” Peter’s hesitant to let it out.

“Pete, a lot of kids at this age are testing boundaries. They’re going to say a lot of stupid, insensitive, offensive—”

“He said I was a teacher’s pet.”

There’s a long minute of silence. Tony blinks curiously a few times. He doesn’t want to belittle what Peter’s feeling, but he also doesn’t understand why it’s caused him so much stress.

“I know, I know it’s—but they used to—” Peter swallows hard, probably only delaying another wave of tears. “Sometimes, before, they would call me…”

“Pet.”

Peter nods, starting to shake next to him on the floor, their arms lightly touching at just Tony saying the nickname.

“They liked it. I think it made them feel better about themselves if they acted like I wanted it. Like—like being locked in the cages or collared or—or being muzzled was good for me.”

“You need to learn a lesson, little pet. Be a good pet and eat your dinner. Stop your crying, pet. No more of your barking, pet.” Peter quotes with venom flinging from every syllable. “But I didn’t want that, Mister Stark! I promise! They gave me these powers and I didn’t want to be their pet and they made me—”

“Peter, I know. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault, I know.”

Tony curls Peter into his side, rubbing his back consolingly.

“When Flash called me that I just—I felt the collar around my neck again and I couldn’t breathe though the muzzle and they kept kicking the cage even though it hurt my ears and I could never sleep in there because it was so small and—”

“Peter—” Peter’s hyperventilating. He’s panicking, Tony realizes. Probably just like he did initially. A flashback that triggered him into having a panic attack.

“And I know that’s not what Flash meant but I was back there and I can’t—I can’t stop—”

Peter breaks into sobs, burying his face into Tony’s shirt and clutching on tight.

“Oh, Pete. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Tony soothes.

He presses a kiss to Peter’s hair, unsure when he became this tender. Probably the moment he realized this was the way he wanted someone to treat him in the midst of his worst, most vulnerable moments.

“Sometimes the bad memories come back unexpectedly, it’s alright.”

“But don’t wanna think about it anymore!” Peter cries childishly.

If it wouldn’t break Tony’s ribs, Peter would probably start banging at his chest in frustration.

“What if it gets bad and I don’t talk anymore and I can’t go to school like a normal kid and I lose everything and then you won’t want me anymore because I can’t get over this and stop being a stupid animal who needs its owners to—”

“Peter Parker, no. Absolutely not.”

Tony pushes Peter away so he can hold the boy’s face in his hands. So that he can fucking imbue into this kid how much he is loved and cherished and human.

“You’re not property, and you’re not an animal. What they did to you was wrong, and you know that now. I know that you do.”

Not just because Peter’s been to therapy since integrating with the Avengers, but also because he’s talked to all of him during his recovery from the horrors of his earlier childhood. About how his life felt before and how it feels better now. How he wouldn’t have left in the first place if he really wanted to be a part of Hydra like they raised him to want.

He’s not the child soldier they raised anymore. He’s so much more than they ever allowed him to be in that awful place.

He loosens his grip on Peter’s face only to bring him back again with an arm around his shoulder. Maybe if Peter feels him, touches him, the kid will remember all of the growth he’s made, the family he’s gained.

“Buddy, you are getting better. I know it. I’ve seen it. You know we’re all so proud of you and the progress you’ve made.”

Tony sighs. Part of him wants to sugarcoat it. That Peter has seen the worst of the world and now he’ll just be able to move on from it scott-free. It’s what he deserves, but Tony knows from experience that nothing in life is that sort of kind.

“That doesn’t mean you won’t have setbacks. I have had setbacks. Healing from the bad stuff is really, really hard, but it doesn’t make you anything that they said you were. You’re a wonderful, good kid who deserves everything he’s worked so hard for. And you’re going to get it because you have me and the team and your new best friend behind your back. You’re not alone, you’re not in a cage, you’re—you’re home, Pete. You understand?”

Peter sniffs, a sign that he’s worked himself up again, but his weak nod into Tony’s chest tells him that some of them at least might be happier tears.

“Listen to me, Pete. And I mean really, truly listen.” He looks down at the snot-covered, tear-stained teenager practically in his lap. He does love Peter. He wouldn’t have gone this far for any other kid in the world.

“It doesn’t matter what happens—hitches, mishaps, a dumb teenage mistake. You’re our kid now, Peter. You’re never going back to Hydra. Never. Not with me around.”

He knows it means something to say it out loud rather than leaving it to be assumed. He doesn’t have as much of a problem admitting it as he thought he might.

“I’m never giving you up, or letting you go, or treating you like anything other than a person. Do you understand me? That is something you never, ever have to worry about. Not from me.”

Peter sobs against him. This time it feels a lot more like relief. A release in the safety of Tony’s arms that Peter hasn’t really allowed himself, even after two years of being free of Hydra.

Peter didn’t tell the team everything. He may never even tell Tony everything. But this is one more thing Peter doesn’t have to carry alone, and Tony is happy to help their kid navigate the horrors it's brought back into his improving life.

They sit there for another minute, Peter’s whimpers muffled in Tony’s dress shirt. He’s sure the principal and Peter’s friend are getting antsy. But all the same it gives Peter another chance to calm down, and this time he seems a lot lighter when he picks his head up to look at Tony.

“Feel better?”

Peter gives a sniffle, but accompanies it with a nod and bright, attentive eyes.

“Look, I think school’s a bust for the day. Let’s go home. Whatever you wanna do, just you and me. Nobody else needs to hear about this unless you want to tell them, okay?”

“And if you wanted, I guess…”

Peter tilts his head, expectant.

“We could...nah, it’s probably offensive, right?”

“What?” Peter insists. Tony tried to warn him, but Tony also can’t resist an idea once it pops into his head.

“I just thought, you know, if you wanted—if you thought it would help, we could get you a—“ He almost ruins it, but catches himself.  “An animal. Like a dog or something.”

Peter is silent. He bites at his lip, contemplative. Looks in the direction of a mop bucket in the corner.

“Is that bad? You don’t have to, I just thought it might make you associate that word with good things, but if not—“

Peter finally meets his eyes with a tentative grin on his face.

“What kind of dog?”

[hollandbaby]

roommates - t.h smut

a/n: um so i haven’t written in a long time pls be kind. this is just a 4.9k one shot based on how i’m feeling, sexually frustrated, but unfortunately I’m not in lockdown with tom so cannot have sex with him. also I’m tipsy. AND feedback is much appreciated

warnings; smut, oral (f receiving), daddy kink, choking, biting, scratching, super long intro

You had lived with your lifetime best friend, Tom, for just over a year now, alongside his best friends Harrison and Tuwaine and his younger brother Harry. There was never a dull moment in the house, even when Tom’s away filming the other boys provide just as much entertainment. You’re used to spending lots of time with the boys, but when it’s announced lockdown was in place, it took a toll on everyone. Tom is unable to work which is a benefit considering he’s allowed to actually rest finally, plus he’s around a lot more which is nice. Harrison is always practicing his juggling which is entertaining until he breaks your favourite lamp. Tuwaine and Harry tends to keep to themselves, mostly playing video games or working from home. But boy was the house becoming messy. 

“Alright, who’s underwear are these and why are they on the living room floor!?” You shout to the house, picking up the pants by the broom you had in your hand.

“Whadda they look like?” Shouts Harry, most likely on his laptop editing something.

“Grey Calvin’s but I know all of you own at least one pair so it’s not very helpful!”

You move to put them in the laundry basket by the washing machine, carrying on with your cleaning by sweeping the kitchen floor. Tom emerges from the bathroom, in just a pair of grey sweats and a towel wrapped around his neck, you try not to let yourself get distracted but it’s hard when you can see a single drop of water make its way down his toned, bronzed torso.

“Sorry, love, I think they may be mine,” he chuckles as he goes to fill the kettle for a cup of tea. He leans against the kitchen island, drying off his hair with his towel.

“What the fuck are they doing in the communal living room?” You ask, laughing as well. Living with boys may be hard sometimes due to the mess and the fact they’re all super dumb, but it’s so endearing and you have good times.

“I dunno, I probably threw them at one of the boys as a joke.” Tom giggles to himself but you roll your eyes.

“Well next time you throw your dirty laundry at someone pick it up after, doofus.” You chuckle, walking past Tom to head to your room for your wash bag before going for a shower. You turn the shower on and start to undress. You found yourself thinking about Tom, and the way he looked after his shower earlier, his wet curly hair all floppy and cute, water droplets falling onto his broad chest and toned abs. You’d never really thought about him sexually before, obviously he’s an attractive man and you’ve been close friends with him since you were kids, he knows you better than anyone, but you’d never realised just how hot he is. Maybe it was because you hadn’t had sex in over a month due to lockdown or maybe it’s because you’ve been able to spend more time with Tom recently, but there’s a familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach that stretches all the way down to your core. You bite your lip, stepping under the hot water, steam filling the bathroom as you try to wash away your sins.

You’re cooking dinner for everyone, Harrison, Harry and Tuwaine playing some game in the living room and Tom is just watching, laughing along with them. Tom looks over the sofa to you, watching your movements for a second before getting up off the sofa and walking to the kitchen.

“Need any help, darlin’?” He asks, as you chop up some vegetables.

“You can chop up some onions with me?” You smile at him, and he gets a feeling in the pit of his stomach. You both continue chopping and cooking the meal, Tom drinking beer and you wine as you both dance around the kitchen and giggle and sing with each other. You call the boys into the dining area, serving up dinner and grabbing drinks for all the boys. As you turn from the fridge to place the beers on the counter, Tom is already stood behind you, making you jump. He grabs your waist to steady you, and you’re grateful you didn’t drop any of the bottles.

“Sorry, love,” he chuckles as your face heats up, a mixture of the fact Tom’s warm hands are still on your waist and you just had a close call to a very messy and classy clean up.

“S’okay, I’m just glad I didn’t drop any of these! The boys would kill me,” you pop open all the bottles, attempting to grab them along with your bottle of wine AND glass.

“Woah there, darling, I’ll grab those for you,” Tom takes three of the bottles from you, letting out a breathy laugh at your disgruntled facial expression, your bottom lip slightly jutted out and hair falling in your face.

“Thank you,” you smile and pick up your wine and glass, following Tom’s lead back to the table.

The boys are all chatting away, dishing up their dinners as you and Tom place their beers down in front of them.

“Thank you so much for cooking, Y/N, we’ll wash up.” Harrison says, smiling at you.

“Will we?” Tuwaine chimes in, looking confused.

“Bro shut up.” Harry says, you roll your eyes but you’re laughing alongside them.

“Well maybe after dinner, and after Haz, Harry and Tuwaine wash up, we can do something together?” You suggest, sipping your wine before munching some more.

“Sounds good. What did you have in mind?” Asks Tom, eager to spend some time with you.

“Well we could all play some card games or a board game?”

And that’s how you end up drunkenly giggling at 1AM over monopoly.

“How the fuck did I get go to jail again?!”

“Unlucky Baz man, looks like you’re in jail again,” you giggle, moving his figurine to the jail space.

“How are you doing so well at this game Y/N? It’s like you’re the monopoly mastermind,” Harrison asks, slurring the M’s slightly.

“I dunno man I used to play a lot with my family, plus it’s a game of chance.”

“Well it’s a fucking stupid game of chance,” Harry chimes in, pouting at the fact he has to miss a go.

“Shut up, dickhead, you love this game,” Tom grabs Harry by his shoulders and puts him in a headlock, ruffling his hair.

“Tom!” Harry exclaims, thrashing around. He kicks the board, knocking all the houses and hotels and cards everywhere.

“Harry!” shouts Harrison, clearly angry at the fact he’s lost his place and cannot for the life of him remember where it was.

“Oh my god you’re all idiots,” you laugh, Tuwaine exclaiming a “hey don’t put me in that category with them!”

You finish the last gulp of your wine before attempting to stand up to grab another bottle. You steady yourself on Tom’s shoulder before heading over to the fridge. You can feel his eyes on you as you pour yourself some more wine, but he quickly looks away when you turn back around. The lads are all laughing together on the floor, sipping beers and being stupid.

“What’re you all laughing at?” You ask, smiling, as you go to join them on the floor, Tom’s hand gently grabbing yours to help you sit.

“Harry’s suggesting we play never have I ever,” Tuwaine laughs.

“It wasn’t just me! Harrison suggested it I just said sure why not!”

“God you’re all a bunch of kids. Alright, are we playing or not?” You ask, getting confident from the booze.

“I know I suggested it but the room is spinning so much right now I think I’m gonna throw up,” Harrison states, hiccuping.

“Wow, good one genius. Alright, let’s get you to bed. Night all,” Tuwaine gets up, picking Haz up in the process and wrapping his arm around his waist, guiding Harrison to his room before making his way to his own.

“Aaaand I’d rather go to bed than stay up for whatever weird shit is gonna happen between you two,” Harry says standing up and chugging the rest of his beer, “peace out.”

“And then there were two,” Tom chuckles, starting to pack away the long forgotten monopoly board. You help him, placing pieces in their respective compartments and giggling with each other.

“So how about that game of never have I ever?” You ask biting your lip. You look at Tom to find he’s already looking at you, cheeks flushed and a curl falling into his face.

“Sure,” he chuckles breathily, “I’ll just grab another beer.” You smile to yourself as you watch Tom walk to the kitchen, biting your lower lip as you realise you shouldn’t be staring at his ass as he walks away. Tom returns to the living room, you’ve moved onto the sofa now, put some music on and your feet up on the coffee table in front of you. He plops down on the sofa next to you and smiles, taking a swig of his beer.

“Alright. Never have I ever pissed my pants from laughing,” Tom chuckles to himself as you slap his chest.

“That was ONE time and it was a TINY amount!” You huff, taking a swig of your drink. You smirk as you pull your legs up onto the sofa, turning to face Tom. “Never have I ever tried to impress a girl by doing a backflip but it ending up awfully badly and I broke my wrist.”

“For fucks sake,” Tom throws his head back and groans, taking a swig of his drink. “She still went on a date with me though, I assume out of pity. Okay, ummm, never have I ever had sex in a park.” He’s smirking this time, knowing full well you definitely had.

“I was 16 and fucking stupid. Guy was a douche anyway. Okay never have I ever, been walked in on.” You laugh at this one. Harrison loved telling the story of the time he walked in on Tom and some girl he’d brought home from a bar.

“For fucks sake, I wish everyone would stop bringing that one up.” He drinks, keeping eye contact with you. “Never have I ever had sex with a roommate,” he licks his lips, watching as you take another sip of your wine. “How’s that even happen?”

“You know the story, Tom, I had to move out because of how awkward it got.” You frown at him, these never have i evers we’re getting too real. “Okay, never have I ever had phone sex.” You watch Tom roll his eyes and take a swig of his beer.

“You mean to tell me you’ve never had phone sex?”

“No, what’s the point when I could just have sex with someone?”

“What if you’re far away from someone you’re dating and can’t go see them? I was working on set you know.”

“I know that! These are to try and get you drunk Mr Holland that’s the aim of the game,” you smile at him, “your turn.”

“Never have I ever,” he trails off, lips pursing as he thinks of one to say, “never have I ever had a threesome.”

You pause for a second, eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinting wondering if he knew you’d had a threesome before or if he was just curious. Either way, you take a sip of your drink.

“Now, this I’ve got to hear,” Tom’s smirking, an eyebrow raised as he waits for the story.

“I thought you knew! Oh, god. So it was my first year of uni, I was fresh out of a bad relationship, exploring my options etc you know. I start having sex with this guy regularly, just causal stuff no feelings involved. One day he comes round, then this girl calls him and he asks if she can come for drinks too. Obviously I say yes because I’m already tipsy and open to anything. She comes round, we end up drinking 3 bottles of wine each and it just, happened.” You look to Tom, after taking a sip of your wine, your cheeks flushed but it’s nothing compared to the look of shock on Tom’s face. He’s aroused at the idea but he won’t let you know that. His mouth is agape, then he licks his lips and smirks.

“Wow who knew you were crazy like that?”

You slap his chest, “shut up! I bet you’ve been up to some crazy stuff. I’m surprised you’ve not had a threesome yet.”

“I’m not the type of man to share, darling.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “Besides, it was a foursome.”

“Ahhh and there it is.” You roll your eyes and smile, finishing off your drink. “Be a darling and grab my bottle from the fridge please, Tommy?” He tuts at your demand, nevertheless standing and going to grab your bottle. He grabs himself another beer too. You smile and thank him as he fills your glass, putting the bottle on the floor in case you need a refill. “I miss sex. That’s the worst part about all this shit.”

“Oh, totally agree. Stupid lockdown.” Tom sighs, sitting back down on the sofa next to you. You place your glass on the coffee table, turning to face Tom fully, resting your arm on the back of the sofa.

“What if we had sex?”

Tom spits his drink out, coughing and spluttering, getting his spat beer all over his white t shirt. “Shit. Um, what?”

“C’mon, we’re both adults with needs, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just a one time thing, a favour, to release all the sexual frustrations we’re both clearly experiencing since we don’t have dick or pussy on tap at the moment.” You pick your wine back up, taking a long swig before continuing. “I could just give you a blowie and we can go our separate ways.”

“Y/N, we live together. You said last time you did something like this it didn’t end well.”

“That was only a bad idea with my past roommate because he became obsessed with me after. Tom, we don’t have to do it it was just a suggestion.” You don’t know if it’s because the alcohol has given you a load of confidence or if it’s because you’ve not had sex in a long time but what you do know is that Tom is very attractive, especially when he runs his hand through his floppy curls, his white shirt tightening around his bicep. You lick your lips as your eyes rake up and down his body. You meet his brown eyes, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

“Conditions?”

“We can do whatever you want. My only condition is, we need a safe word. Actually, that and we probably shouldn’t tell the others what happened.”

“Agreed. Safe word can be pineapple.”

“Pineapple?” You laugh, leaning closer to Tom. You can smell his cologne, and it’s absolutely divine.

“I dunno. It was the first thing that came to mind.” He leans closer into you as well. “What’re you into?” His eyes flick to your lips and back up to your eyes.

“Hair pulling, biting, scratching, choking, spanking, call me babygirl or a good girl and I’m a goner. You?”

“Same, but call me Tommy or baby. Maybe daddy as well, depends how rough we’re going I guess.”

You put your glass back on the coffee table after finishing your wine, moving to straddle Tom’s lap. “Okay, Tommy, looks like we’re doing this.” You move in, testing the waters, eyes flickering between Tom’s and his lips. You can already feel the heat in your core and the wetness in your panties, your thin shorts barely protecting you from the feeling of Tom’s arousal in his grey sweats. He caves first, crashing his lips against yours and moving them oh so deliciously against your own. Your eyes instantly shut, your hands combing through his hair before gripping onto his brunette curls. Tom lets his empty bottle drop onto the sofa, long forgotten as his own hands move to your hips. His tongue experiments by licking your top lip, asking for entrance which you more than gladly grant him. Your tongue dances against his, your hips subconsciously grinding against his already hard cock. You let out a rough, breathy moan into his mouth, Tom’s hands moving to your ass, feeling the skin that your shorts don’t cover. He pulls back, panting and lips glossy and red.

“Your room or mine?”

“Whichever’s closest.” You kiss him again, letting out a slightly startled noise as he stands, picking you up. You wrap your legs around his waist, hands gripping onto his shoulders whilst his are gripping your ass. You peck his lips, kissing down his neck as he walks you to his room. It’s closest to the living room and nearest to the bathroom so it’s a win win for you. You open Tom’s door for him, he almost drops you when you do but luckily you grip back onto him, accidentally scratching his back. Tom lets out a hiss, but it’s not with pain, more so pleasure at the feeling of your nails digging into him. It makes him wonder how amazing your nails will feel scratching down his back while he’s fucking into you. He throws you on his bed, and you briefly note how clean and tidy his room is considering he’s so chaotic. Tom removes his (slightly damp with beer) shirt and is on top of you in an instant, his lips meeting yours again in a messy kiss, teeth and tongue in the mix. You wrap your legs around his waist, his hips grinding down into your own as your hands rake through his hair, tugging on tufts as you sloppily kiss. He pulls away, his lips moving down to your neck and nipping and sucking there. You let out a moan, your eyes rolling back as Tom’s mouth works wonders on you. Your hips buck up into his and his hand moves from the bed to your body, trailing down your neck and chest to the hem of your vest top, tugging on it as a signal for you to take it off. You listen, moving your arms down to the hem to rip your top off, Tom instantly moving down your body, his lips kissing your chest before his hand moves round to your back and unclasps your bra. He pulls it off you, his mouth making its way to your nipple as his eyes look up into yours. You scrunch your eyebrows in pleasure, biting your bottom lip as you moan lowly. You don’t even notice Tom’s hand trailing down your body until it reaches your clothed pussy, your hips instantly jerking up to meet his hand. A mixture of Tom’s tongue on your nipple and his fingers rubbing your clit through your shorts is giving you a feeling you’ve not felt in a while. Yes you’ve been getting yourself off but there’s something so different about someone else’s touch that feels so fucking amazing.

“Do you know how fucking hot you look in these shorts, baby? I’ve wanted to rip them off you all evening.” Tom moans out, he can feel your wetness through the material.

“Do it, then.” You smirk, but your breath is hoarse and raspy. You let out a gasp as Tom practically rips your shorts from your body, along with your underwear. He wastes no time moving down your body, lips leaving a wet trail of kisses on your scorching skin. Hiking your legs up so your feet are flat on the bed, he kisses your hips, then down your left thigh, as your hands make their way to his hair. Tom looks up into your eyes as he licks closer and closer to your wet pussy, his mouth hovering over you, causing you to grind your hips up in an attempt to meet his tongue. He finally ends the torturous teasing, gently licking his tongue through your folds and to your clit, you throw your head back and let out a soft ‘oh, fuck’. Tom’s fingers make their way up your body, gently teasing your nipple as his tongue massages your clit, your hips meeting his movements as you let out small, breathy moans.

“Fuck, Tom, fingers please,” your voice is broken and still raspy, but Tom makes eye contact with you again and the moan you let out is much louder than before. You throw your head back again, writhing against him.

“What do want, baby girl? Hm? Want my fingers inside you?” His breath is cool against your warm skin, his eyes searching for yours.

“Yes!” You attempt to buck your hips up again but Tom’s hands hold them in place.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, please, daddy!” Your voice is broken and your attempt to keep quiet is ineffective. Tom moves his right hand from your hip, his tongue returning back to your clit as he slowly pumps a finger into you, curling it up to reach your g spot. He has you writhing beneath him, adding another fingers stretching you out as his tongue laps at your clit, your hands grip his hair as you grind against his mouth, breathy moans escaping your lips. You bite your lip as your eyes roll to the back of your head, you figured Tom would be good in bed but, god, he was so much better than you expected.

“I’m close, Tommy,” he all but growls into your pussy at the nickname, fingers picking up speed as he sucks on your clit gently. One of your hands flies up to your face, biting down on your arm to stop yourself from letting out an extremely loud moan as you cum. Tom slows his movements, helping you ride out your high. He removes his fingers from you, looking into your eyes as he licks them clean. You bite your lip and let out a soft groan at the sight of him, pulling him up to you so you can kiss his lips, allowing your tongue to massage his. You can taste yourself on him, only making you moan into his mouth as you kiss. You pull on his sweats, pushing them down his thighs along w his boxers. Tom pulls them the rest of the way off and you roll onto him, pinning him to the bed with your thighs. Your lips never leaving his in a sloppy, wet, tipsy kiss. You’re overwhelmed by his senses, his hot skin, his sexy scent, his soft curls and the way his teeth occasionally nibble on your bottom lip. You start grinding your hips against Tom’s hard cock, his hands flying to your hips as you do so.

“You’re so fucking wet for me aren’t you, baby girl?” Tom growls against your lips, feeling your wetness on his skin.

You moan against his lips, nodding your head, “do you have a condom?”

“Yeah, bedside table, 2nd drawer down.” You reach over him to the nightstand, retrieving a condom, opening it with your teeth before rolling it onto Tom’s cock. Tom lets out a hiss at the contact, throwing his head back and panting as your hand moves up and down him, before you lift up and slide down onto his cock. His hands instantly grab onto your ass, nails digging into the skin as you find a pace, adjusting to his size. He was bigger than you were expecting but, fuck, did it feel good. You pick up the pace, hips moving up and down as Tom’s hand moves from your ass cheek to your clit, using his middle finger to circle the bundle of nerves. He’s grunting with each move you make, and your head falls back as you continue riding him. He moves his other hand off your ass and brings it back down in a harsh slap, your skin jiggling and a sharp moan escaping your lips. He smirks up at you, your body dropping forward, hands moving to rest by his head as you keep the movements of your hips. He slaps your ass again, massaging the red skin there as you bite your lip, looking into his eyes. You reach your right hand to around his throat, gently squeezing. Something snaps in Tom at that, planting his feet on the bed to get leverage to thrust up into you, fucking you from underneath, he grabs a handful of your hair and fastens the pace of his fingers on your clit.

“Fuck, Tommy!” You moan, trying to keep quiet but it’s hard when he’s fucking you so good, the arch in your back allowing him to go deeper, creating a delicious feeling. “I want you to fuck me from behind.” You’re panting and your voice is quiet but Tom hears you loud and clear.

“Fuck, love, you’re so hot,” he pulls out, rolling you over onto your front, your arms reaching in front of you, chest on the bed as your knees widen and your ass is in the air, Tom slaps your ass as he moves behind you, sliding his hard cock between your fold and collecting your wetness before he thrusts back into you.

“Shit, you’re such a good girl for me, aren’t you?” Another slap on your ass as he fucks into you, hands grabbing your hips for leverage.

“Yes, baby, keep fucking me like that!” You moan into the sheets. Tom reaches forward and grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your back up against his torso, fucking up into you. His hand slides around to grip your throat as he continues fucking you, his lips leaving sloppy kisses on your neck and cheek. He nibbles on your ear lightly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure. Tom’s other hand snakes it’s way around your waist down your body, his middle fingers circling your clit. Your head is resting on his shoulder, your hand coming round to pull on his hair as he continues fucking you, Tom’s grunts and groans right in your ear as his lips caress the skin there.

“So fuckin tight, baby, jesus,” Tom’s breath is hot on your neck leaving goosebumps all over your body as you moan at his words. “I want you to cum for me baby, can you do that?”

“Yes, Tommy, I’m so close,” you groan, but Tom pulls away completely. You’re shocked and disgruntled before you realise he’s throwing you on your back, spreading your thighs and thrusting back into you. You grab his shoulders, nails digging in as Tom fucks you, harder than before. Your moans are muffled by the skin of his shoulder, you bite down on his skin, sucking, most likely leaving a mark but you don’t care, too consumed with the fire in your stomach as your orgasm approaches.

“Rub my clit, please,” you breathe out, one of Tom’s hands moving from your thigh to between your legs, resuming his movements on your clit from before. He fucks you in a rhythm, your nails scratching down his back as he does so, Tom’s hair is falling in his face and tickling yours but you don’t care, he looks so hot like this, sweaty and panting above you. Your toes curl and your pussy clenches around him, his cock pounding into you, and it’s like nothing you’ve felt before.

“I’m gonna cum, Tommy!” You throw your head back, letting out a moan as Tom’s fingers rub your clit faster and he fucks you harder, his lips crashing against yours as you reach your high. Tom follows shortly after, sloppily thrusting into you as he cums in the condom. Tom collapses on top of you, your breathing steadying as you play with his hair. After a minute, he pulls out and discards of the condom, flopping onto the bed beside you, opening his arm to you so you can roll into his side.

“Well, that was ... wow,” you sigh contentedly. Your breathing is starting to slow down and a wave of exhaustion hits you. You rest your head on Tom’s bare chest, one of his fingers curling a piece of your hair around it.

“Oh, god yeah it was, something else.” He chuckles, pressing a light peck to your forehead.

“I should probably go to the bathroom then back to my room.” You sigh, you don’t want to move though. You’re absorbing Tom’s warmth and it feels so good. You roll off of his chest, pulling his t shirt from off the floor and sliding it on. Tom sits up as you go to collect your things, “you could stay in here tonight? I mean, sex isn’t the only thing I miss.” His face is flush and he smiles sheepishly at you. You smile back and bite your lip, leaning back onto the bed to peck his nose before heading off to the bathroom. Tom thinks you’ve gone to bed, sighing in defeat and flopping back against his sheets. You go to clean up, making your way back to Tom’s room but not before grabbing another 2 bottles of beer first. You return to his room, smiling as you hand him a bottle. He laughs at you as he opens his beer, taking a sip before opening his arms to you, inviting you to sit with him on his bed. He’s got his boxers back on, duvet loosely wrapped around his hips, shifting while he moves. You sit back on the bed with him, taking a sip of your own beer. You both laugh and chat until you finish your drinks, lying down again and falling sleep curled up in Tom’s arms, his hand gently massaging your scalp as he places occasional pecks on your forehead. You realise that maybe this won’t be the last time as you drift off into a peaceful sleep.

[shelovescontrol91]

Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

[jjmaybanksbaby]

enamel pins, school dances and summer movie nights

or: alternatively, i hate everybody but you

pairing: kiara carrera x rafe cameron (platonic)

warning: cursing, underage drinking, some fighting, rafe cameron being sappy because that deserves a tw of its own

word count: 7.2k words

MASTERLIST

"I’m so glad that they’re still doing this. Keep calm. Carry on," Kiara said to the boys as she stuffed the change from their tickets back into her wallet.

It would have been an understatement to say that JJ and Pope hadn’t been eager to attend the outdoor movie night hosted by the Island Club. In fact, they'd spend thirty minutes listing all the things they would rather do when Kiara proposed the idea. She'd let them grumble about going for the better part of an hour since she knew there was no way the pogues would let her go to something on Figure Eight alone. Pogues always had each other's backs, always. Kiara figured the least she could do was pay their entry fee. Plus, she knew JJ and Pope didn't exactly have extra cash laying around for movie nights.

She would have dragged all three of the boys with her but John B hadn't been back to the chateau all day. Since the cell towers were still down thanks to the hurricane, she could only guess where he was.

"Welcome to the summer movie series. All proceeds go to...." The announcer's voice boomed over the loudspeakers as Kiara lead the boys to an empty space in the middle of the crowd.

"Back to OBX life. You know? Aren’t you guys glad that I made you come?" She really didn't have to ask, she was already sure of their answer.

"Ecstatic," Pope responded, his tone clearly lacking enthusiasm.

"My couch was pretty comfy, I’ll be honest," JJ echoed.

"We’re out of the green zone, man," Pope leaned over, commenting to JJ, out of earshot of Kiara. She didn't know about Topper's boat and Pope wasn't really interesting in bringing her in as another accessory to the crime.

"Dude, tranquilo, okay?" JJ whispered back.

"We're in the middle of Kooklandia. This is the last place I wanted to be."

"Shut up, Pope," JJ snapped, his wide eyes with warning. This was Kiara's thing, they weren't gonna let the Shakespearesque fued between Kooks and Pogues ruin her fun.

-

"Hey, uh…can I get two Pepsis, pleases?" Kiara asked the employee currently manning the snack bar.

"Sure," he replied.

Kiara slide the money for the sodas across the counter and took the cold drinks, watching Rafe slowly approaching from out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey, Kie," Rafe said. Kie felt her pulse spike at a nickname he'd originally given her. "Hey, what’s up? How are you?"

"I’m fine," she replied, intentionally angling her body away from him, her gaze resting anywhere but on him. For someone whose presence she uses to be able to relax in, now the sight of Rafe put her on edge.

"Good, good. Um...Tell your boy that we know what he did." Rafe held her stare and Kiara couldn't stop her lip from curling up in contempt.

"Sorry, what boy are you talking about?"

"Uh, he’ll know." Rafe smiled as if this conversation was bringing him some wicked sense of pleasure.

Rafe opened his mouth as to say something else but Kiara turned away from him. "Bye," he called to her as she walked away.

"Douche," Kiara said, loud enough that she was sure he would still hear her. She threw a glance over her shoulder, feeling Rafe's eyes still watching her.

-

Kiara handed Pope a Pepsi. "Just saw Rafe, and he said, and I quote, 'Tell your boy that we know what he did.' What is that?" She finished, handing JJ the second soda.

"Um...Where is he?" JJ asked back.

"Right there." Pope and JJ's heads turned around to look with her.

"Great the whole death squad," Pope said.

JJ grabbed the top of Pope's head, knocking his snapback off as he forced it forward. "Don’t stare, bro," JJ paused. "Just warning you, bro. If they corner me, I’m coming out swinging, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Pope agreed.

"Slice and dicin’. I’m on edge right now, okay? If that doesn’t work, I got this right here." JJ held up his worn backpack.

Fucking hell, Kiara thought. He brought the gun.

"Yeah, yeah. So, we just gotta stay in the group. They can’t come get us if we’re in the group," Pope remarked.

"Like a school of fish.”

"Stay in the school. Can’t leave the school. Stay in school," Pope repeated to himself.

"I’m sorry JJ…" Kiara interrupted. "Please tell me that you did not bring a gun here. JJ, there are kids."

"No Kie! I didn’t bring the gun. Everything’s fine, okay?" JJ assured, his frantic tone betraying him.

"Oh wow, thank you. That’s really convincing. I love that JJ." Kiara looked from JJ to Pope, trying to assess what kind of trouble they’d caused now. "Founding principle, you guys. No secrets amongst Pogues. What is Rafe talking about?"

Pope leaned it, bringing his face closer to Kiara's. "Kie, it might go down tonight."

"What does that mean?" Their vagueness was making Kiara extra suspicious. "'Might go down tonight.' What did y’all do?"

The boys look at each other, neither of supplying any answers to Kiara's questioning.

"Deny, deny, deny," JJ said quietly to Pope under his breath.

The opening score of The Addams Family cracked through the weathered speakers forcing an end to the conversation. A memory popped into Kiara’s head before she had time to stop it. This was Sarah Cameron’s favorite movie. Sarah used to mouth the lines along with the actors every time they watched it together.

There were a lot of glamorous parts of being best friends with the Kook-queen Sarah Cameron. When they walked down the shiny hallways of the Kook Academy literally arm-in-arm peoples' heads turned and watched them go by. All the mean girls with their once snarky remarks were suddenly complimenting Kiara's "unique style," begging her to tell them where she bought her clothes. (In truth, most of it was actaully thrifted since that was much more eco-friendly.) Plus there was the way Sarah swiped her Daddy's black card without a second thought. Kiara’s family lived on Figure Eight, they were a part of the Island Club but they would never have the kind of east coast old money the Cameron's had.

It wasn’t something Kiara usually minded. The whole money thing. Kiara never saw herself as less than because she didn’t wear a watch that cost as much as college tuition on her wrist. But it was more than that: Kiara never really saw herself as much of a Kook to begin. She didn’t want that lifestyle. She never had. It was her parents who pushed it on her. Her mom had grown up under the crystal chandeliers and ever-watchful eyes. She’d debuted into Outer Banks high society at the age of seventeen like every Kook at that age still did. An action which Kiara scoffed at. Her mom was fully prepared to be another success story of the ring-before-spring pipeline, returning to the Outer Banks after four years of college with an MRS degree and a husband who would be balding by his early forties.

But in a Hollywood-worthy meet-cute that involved one drunk sorority girl and her vodka-induced need for pancakes, Mike Carrera stumbled into Anna's life.

Mike Carrera was the opposite of Anna in every way that counted. His whole life had been hard work and grit, fighting for the things that were rightfully his and taking them when people still refused to hand them over. He had a pipe dream of owning his own restaurant, a borderline fantasy that he was dead-set on making sure came true. Anna loved him and he loved her right back. They eloped to Vegas the week after graduation even though own Anna’s mother was halfway through planning the wedding. They bought cheap rings and a second-hand dress since they were still living paycheck to paycheck. Though the bright lights of Vegas had made the impromptu wedding seem a bit more glamorous than it really was, they both knew deep down their love was the real thing. They promised each other till death do us part and meant it.

When Anna found out she was pregnant, she talked Mike into going back to the Outer Bank. Anna swore up and down the move was only so her parents could help with the baby. They'd live on the cut, work for what they deserved and be happy. Then Anna's parents bought them a house on Figure Eight as a wedding gift and Sunday dinners at the Island club became protocol. Anna slipped back into her life as a Kook and brought Mike with her. When the restaurant turned into the tourist hot spot, the zeros in their bank accounts started growing. The Carrera's got rich but their money could never compete with the trust-fond generational wealth of their fellow Kooks.

The Outer Banks only had one elementary school. All the kids on the island were thrown together at an age where no one yet realized the lines between the haves and have nots. Fifth grade was when it got messy. Every fall the class size heading to the Kildare County Middle School dropped by half when all the Kooks transferred to St. Andrews “Kook” Academy. A breeding ground for Ivy-league-bound eighteen-year-olds who lived with the cushions of their parents' bank accounts.

Kiara begged her parents not to make her go to the Kook Academy. She would have rather died than leave her best friends, Bea and Joey, who were both Pogues and staying at KDMS. She didn't realize that middle school would rip the three of them apart. By eighth grade, Kiara had her new friends. Pope Heyward, John B. and JJ Maybank, but he still went by Junior back then. Even if they were bothered by Kiara's status as half-Kook, in the same way Bea and Joey had been, they never showed it.

Mike and Anna didn't see the need to send Kiara to St. Andrews if she didn't want to go but as high school inched closed with every year, the whispers about the Kook in public school grew louder. The summer before freshman year, her parents offered her a deal - though it was hardly a fair one in Kiara's mind. She could either stay at Kildare County High School but she'd have to work in the restaurant in her free time or she could go to St. Andrews with complete freedom for a year. Kiara knew her parents wanted her to transfer so she caved and agreed to a year at St. Andrews to make them happy. Anna prayed her daughter would find her people at St. Andrews and that one year would turn into four but Kiara knew she had already found her people and was counting down the days till she could go back to them. It was only when Sarah Cameron decided the new girl might be cool that Kiara stopped marking each passing day with a big red x.

-

There was less than a week left in their Christmas break and Kiara was seated across from Sarah at the Cameron's dining room table bent over her practice problems for Mr. Harrings' freshman science. He infamously gave out the hardest pop quiz of the year the first day back after break and Kiara's grade couldn't take her failing it.

"What’s avocado’s number?” Sarah asked, looking up from her paper, her pen frozen in midair.

“What’s what?” said Kiara, thoroughly confused at Sarah’s question.

“You know,” Sarah paused, scanning Kiara’s face for any sign of understanding. “Avogadro’s number. Some kid in my class thought the dude’s name was avocado so we’ve been calling it avocado’s number since.”

“Ah, Avogadro’s number,” Kiara repeated, shifting her papers around until she found the one with all the formulas and constants written on it. “Six point zero two two one four zero seven six times ten to the twenty-second power.”

Sarah punched the numbers into her calculator. “Thanks, babes.”

“Of course.”

Rafe’s heavy footsteps carried through the Cameron’s massive house announcing his arrival home. He strolled into the room, a thick stack of papers in one hand and a garment bag draped over the opposite arm.

“Hey loser,” Sarah said, not inspired enough by her brother's presence to look up from her work.

“Hi Rafe,” Kiara echoed. "Where you been?"

"Being Ward's errand boy. I forgot the key to his office where I was supposed to drop off this contract so he's gonna kill me for that. But," Rafe paused digging into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet pouch. "Merry late Christmas," he finished, handing the bag to Kie. "I saw it and I thought you'd like it."

Kiara reached into the pouch pulling out a small enamel pin of the earth, shaped into a heart with the word "love" in silver written over it. Kie smoothed her thumb over the cold metal.

"You know since you're gonna save the planet and everything," Rafe added.

"Thank you. I love it!" Kiara jumped up from her chair, throwing her arms around his waist wrapping him a hug.

"No problem, Kie." Rafe said.

"Hey, I'm trying to save our planet too." Sarah pipped up.

"Shut up, Sarah," Rafe cracked. "I gave you your Christmas present last week."

Sarah stuck her tongue out at him, Rafe doing the same in return.

"What are you guys working on?" Rafe asked.

"Science," Kiara replied, reaching down to grab her backpack from underneath the table.

"Is that for Mr. Harrings' class?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Kie said, half distracting by trying to decide which spot to put her new pin in.

"I think I might still have my old test from that class if you want them.”

Sarah's head snapped up at the offer. "No way."

"Sound any more surprised, Sarah. I was offering them to Kiara anyway, snob," Rafe shot back.

"I'll share," Kie assured her best friend.

Kiara followed Rafe up the grand staircase, flopping on Rafe's bed while he searched for his old work.

"Henry Spiegel was talking about taking you to a he formal in the locker room before we left for break," Rade relied from inside his closet.

"Isn't he the freshman who made varsity lacrosse?" Kiara asked back. She contemplated the idea of going to St. Andrews' Winter Formal with him. Henry was nice enough, plus he was pretty good-looking. She could stand going with him.

"I told him if I found out he'd asked you, I'd make sure he missed the next three games because of a black eye."

"Rafe."

"What? Do you really think I'm gonna let some dweeb with half a brain who only wants to get in your pants take my little sisters to formal?"

"Who am I supposed to take?” She shot back.

“I don’t know. Not him,” Rafe said, emerging, a small stack of papers in hand.

“You know Denny asked Sarah last week.”

“I know.”

Kiara paused, “You will you take?”

Rafe shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Maybe Ashely M. Seniors don’t really go to the actual dance.”

Kie took the pages of old test for Rafe’s outstretched arm and riffled through them. His name was scribbled on the top of each one in his messy handwriting.

Her eyes drifted up to the Duke basketball poster in the corner of Rafe’s room.

“When do you hear from them?” Kie asked.

“March,” said Rafe, his voice void of emotion.

“I know you’ll get in.”

"My dad'll make sure of it.” Rafe sat down on the bed next to Kiara.

“You don’t know that.”

“I found a card addressed to Ward from the Dean of Student last week thanking him for 'the generous donation from such a valued alumni.'”

Kie's head dropped to rest on Rafe’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well he’s a dick.” Rafe’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, reading the text on the screen. “I gotta go. I told the boys we’d go hit at the Club tonight.”

“Thanks again for these.” Kie held up the papers. “And for the pin," she added.

“Mr. Harrings always includes the names of the scientists from the unit as bonus questions. Don’t forget to look those up,” Rafe said as he stood up from the bed. "See you around, Kie." He placed a small protective kiss on her forehead before he headed back downstairs.

-

"JJ?" Pope slapped JJ's shin to get his attention.

"What?" JJ whispered back over the sounds of the movie.

"I gotta take a piss.”

"Hold it."

"I can’t hold it. I drank too much soda."

"It’s too exposed. They’ll totally see us."

"I gotta go," Pope pleaded. He peered behind him to see Rafe, Topper, and Kelce still parked in the same spots at the back of the crowd. "They’re blocking the bathrooms," Pope added.

JJ looked around, thinking up a Plan B. "Alright. Come here. I know where.”

"Hey, where y’all going?" Kiara asked, turning her attention away from the movie.

"We gotta wring it out," JJ responded deadpan.

"What? You gonna hold it for each other," Kiara questioned, disgusted at the thought.

JJ shrugged off the comment and lead Pope through the crowd, the two of them ducking behind a large oak tree.

Kiara turned back to the movie playing on the giant screen, leaving the boys to their own devices. Besides, they wouldn't dare start something with all the people around. They were idiots but they knew better than that.

"Crap," Kiara cursed under her breath when Rafe trailed by Topper and Kelce brushed by her, heading in the same direction Pope and JJ had went. She watched their figures disappear behind the screen before she jumped up from her seat.

JJ's gun, the thought flew her mind.

She picked up his backpack with no intention to use it but better safe than sorry. Especially when it came to those Kooks in particular.

"Hey, kick his ass, Top!" Kiara heard Rafe yell as she rounded the corner.

Kiara felt a full-fledged panic run through her body as she took in the sight. Kelce had pinned JJ's arm behind his back and was Rafe pounded his fist into JJ’s face. A foot away, Pope was barely holding off Topper. Whatever Pope and JJ had done had obviously crossed a line.

Kiara ran in without another thought, swinging JJ's backpack in front of her. "Let go of him, Topper! Fascist asshole!" She screamed at him.

Topper grabbed the bag from her, ripping it out of Kiara's hand and throwing it aside. Kiara jumped on Topper's back, desperate to distract him.

"Hey listen, Pope," Topper yelled over the sounds of the movie. "All you gotta do is accept a little personal responsibility."

"Screw you, kook," Pope spit back.

Kiara felt arms wrap around her waist, yanking her off of Topper. The too-familiar scents of Rafe's cologne filled her nose and his breath was hot on her cheek.

She kicked her legs struggling against him, "Let go of me, Rafe."

"Stay out of this, Kiara," he warned, tossing her onto the ground. His gaze fixed on her for a second before turning away. Kiara swore she saw a look of guilt flash across Rafe's face, wordlessly apologizing for tossing her away so harshly but she didn’t have time to think about that while her boys were still in trouble.

"Kie! You okay?" Pope yelled, struggling against Topper who had wrapped his arm around Pope's neck.

"Come on, man. Just admit it," Topper shouted. "Admit you did it, bitch!"

JJ's backpack had conveniently landed close to where Kiara lay. She rolled over, pushing herself onto her knees and crawling over to the backpack. She riffled through it, her hand landing on the cold mental of the gun.

"You don't mess with me, Pogue! You hear me?" Topper continued. Kiara looked up at Topper's face which showed no signs of mercy. Meanwhile, Rafe's fist smashed into JJ's face again and again. The situation was getting worse by the second. “I'm gonna give you one chance. One chance, Pope. One chance. Come on! One!"

Kiara dropped the gun back into the backpack pulling out JJ's lighter instead, two Js craved onto the surface. She had to go big to stop Rafe, Topper and Kelce. Kiara crawled over to the edge of the sheet the movie was being projected off. Fuck, this has to work.

"Finish him off, Top!" Rafe directed.

Kie flicked on the lighter, the wind blowing out the flame the first few times. Her hands were shaking as she grabbed the edge of the sheet and held the blue flame up to it. The fire lit up her face as it took hold, spreading faster than she had expected. The crowd yelped, scrambling away as the orange flames climbed toward the sky.

"Guys! Fire!" Rafe yelled, taking in the sight.

"Get off of him!" Kie pushed Topper away from Pope who fell to the ground gasping for air. "Kelce, let go of JJ!"

"Let's get out of here," Rafe started, fleeing the scene. The other Kooks not far behind him.

"You good?" Kiara asked Pope helping him off the ground. "We're okay." She assured. Her heart was racing, her hands still shaking.

"You're a freakin' idiot," Pope responded.

"I saved your ass. Come on." Kiara threw her arm around Pope's shoulder, leading him away.

The sounds of the film continued to echo over the speakers as the sheet burned to ash behind them.

-

Kiara sat slumped against the wall of the St. Andrews hallway that lead into the cafeteria. The frill of her $200 dress fanned out around her. The dress, in her opinion, had been a colossal waste of money but had Sarah actually squealed when Kiara walked out of the fitting room in it. Kiara had tugged at the awkward way the skirt st on her hips but Sarah wouldn’t shut up about how perfectly the blue color fit the Winter Wonderland theme so Kiara bought it. Now, the sequins itching against her collarbone were just annoying her and Kiara couldn’t help scratching at them, making the already red marks on her skin even angrier. She was so fucked. Denny had pulled out a flash during pictures and somehow it kept ending up in Kiara's hands. The whole dance thing had Kiara incredibly anxious so she kept taking sips of the flash to keep her self busy. First during pictures, then during dinner, and in the limo on the way to the school. Now the flask was lying empty on the floor next to her and her nerves were no less settled.

She longed for her pogues so much the pain of missing them made her stomach hurt. Well, that or the alcohol. At that moment, she would have given anything to be back with them. Back with Pope and his overly nervous tendencies, back with John B. and his ideas that usually lead them into trouble, back with JJ and his flirtatious banter that left her blushing a lot more than she cared to admit. They were her family, where she belonged. Not in the gated communities of Figure Eight with mansions so big they had rooms no one entered for weeks. This whole year had been a mistake. She couldn't stand the fakeness of everybody and everything that came as a side effect to bank accounts with the kind of zeros that could seriously help if the 1% gave up being so selfish. Even Sarah's save-the-sea-turtles-with-men façade was fading away revealing another rich kid who didn’t give a shit about who she hurt. 

The doors of the cafeteria swung open, the bass of the DJ's music filling the previously silent hallway. Kiara looked up to find Rafe jogging down the hall to her.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, sliding down the way to sit next to her.

"The room kept spinning and...uh...I thought I might throw up so I went to find a bathroom," Kiara answered.

"You know the bathrooms are on the other side of the school?"

Kiara giggled which turned into a little burb which made her giggle even more.

"Jesus, Kiara. How drunk are you?" Rafe picked up the flask from the ground. He could smell the alcohol on her breath without even getting closer over. “Who's is this?"

Kiara paused for a moment, trying to remember. "Denny's."

"Sarah's date, Denny?"

Kiara nodded her head.

"Fuck," Rafe muttered. "Okay, let's get you out of here before any of the chaperons see and write you up." He stood up and held out both hands to held Kiara to her feet too.

Kiara pulled herself, leaning against Rafe for stability. The doors swung open again and Rafe's date marched into the hallway.

"Ugh, thank God. There you are. This dance is so lame. C'mon, we're all going to Joey's."

"I'm not coming. I have to take my sister home. She's totally trashed."

The girl's eyes moved over Rafe's face, landing on Kiara. "No," she corrected. "You're my date. You have to come with me."

"Did you not just hear me? I'm taking my sister home," Rafe replied.

"Are you kidding me? She's not even your real sister. She's hardly even a real Kook. I bet she's just using Sarah and you for your family's money. Just look at her dress. It's the same one every other wannabe trying-to-hard freshman has on. Pathetic."

Rafe pulled Kiara closer into him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder protectively. "You can fucking leave," Rafe spit back. "I don't wanna hear you ever talk about my family like that again."

The girl rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I was gonna hook up with Brandan tonight anyway. He's way hotter than you." She spun on her, stalking off in the same direction she had come.

Kiara looked up at Rafe, her bottom lip shaking as tears welled in her eyes. "Are you mad at me?" She asked.

Rafe laughed. "Of course not, Kie. Ashley can go fuck herself. Or she can go fuck Brandan. I don't really care." He wiped away the tear that had slide down Kiara's cheek. "Let's go find Sarah so I can take you both home."

-

Sarah was sitting on her date's lap back inside the cafeteria turned South Pole for the night, laughing loud enough at Denny’s shitty jokes that it was throughly annoying everyone around her.

"Get up Sarah," Rafe commanded.

Sarah surprised at Rafe's sudden presence scrambled off her date's lap. Rafe reached down and grabbed a fistful of Denny's shirt. He cocked his arm back and swung his fist straight into Denny's nose which gave a definitive crack on impact. Sarah let out a gasp and rushed forward.

"What the fuck?" She screamed at Rafe, shoving him off her date.

"You're date's an ass. Kie's completed wasted thanks to him" he said to Sarah. "Let's go. I'm taking you both home."

Sarah glanced at Kiara, who was standing slightly behind Rafe feeling both embarrassed at how much she had drank and grateful for Rafe's protectiveness.

"But I wanna go to the afterparty," Sarah protested. "She has you." Sarah's eyes locked with Kiara and Kiara's heart sank. She could tell her "best friend" wasn't about to give up the rest of her night just because she was nervous and had drunk too much.

Kiara shifted awkwardly on her feet. Sarah could have a least pretended to be conflicted, considered missing the party for a second. God, Kiara missed the unwavering faithfulness of her pogues.

Kiara tugged on Rafe's hand and he glanced over his shoulder at her. "It's fine," she slurred. She really needed out of this itchy disaster of dress as soon as possible.

"You're a really great friend," Rafe said to Sarah.

"Whatever," Sarah replied, her voice almost mimicking the way Rafe's date had said the same words. "Let's go find some ice for your nose, Denny."

-

They had found the gold. It was fifty feet down a well under an ax-murders house no less but they'd fucking found it. John B's crazy plan had worked and all they needed to do was get the gold out, a job which had effectively been delegated to Pope. Of course, first they had to wait for John B to get back from his fishing trip with Ward Cameron, some twisted form of pseudo father-son bonding. What was it with men and finishing? Couldn’t they pick a sport that didn’t actively destroy the environment?

Pope sat atop the kitchen counter, a pencil tucked behind his ear, his mouth moving as he made silent calculations. JJ stood in the doorway of the chateau, dripping water from the hot tub onto the floor. Kiara had thrown off the couch cushions and was rifling through the desk draws, slamming each one with frustration when they didn't hold what she was looking for. Kiara noticed this morning that a pin was missing from her backpack. It didn’t seem like a big deal but with every passing second her panic escalated.

“What are you looking for, bro? I swear this house is like one of those Where’s Waldo? books.” JJ asked Kiara.

“Did you just make a reference to a book, JJ?” Pope chimed in from across the room.

“Just because I chose not to read, doesn’t mean I can’t Pope,” JJ replied.

“Both of you are idiots. It’s a picture book anyway, you don't read it. Can you help me find my pin, please? It's the one I've always had on my backpack. The earth, shaped like a heart," Kie explained.

"Right," Pope replied, sliding off the counter where he was sitting. “Why do you care about it so much anyway?”

“It was a gift."

“From who?”

“From someone at the Kook Academy.”

“Sarah?”

“No.”

“You had other friends there?” JJ mocked.

Kie hesitated. “Fine, it was actually from Rafe as a Christmas present.”

JJ and Pope automatically stopped and looked up at each other.

“Bro, please tell me this isn’t the same Rafe who almost beat Pope’s face in last week."

“It’s not about Rafe. It’s about the pin,” Kie said.

“That’s from Rafe,” Pope finished.

“You guys weren’t there. You don’t get it. Whatever," she huffed. “Don’t help me find it then.”

“No, please Kie. Enlighten us," the sarcasm dripped off JJ's voice.

“I said you don’t have to help,” Kie repeated.

“Hey Kiara,” Pope said, grabbing her wrist. He was always the first to tell when something was off with her.

Kiara shrugged him off, wiping away her tears with her tshirt hem before the other pogues saw them.

“There was just this time,” she started, still overturning books like the pin might have been under there. “At a dance. This senior called me a fake Kook. She said my dress looked tacky like I was trying way too hard to fit but I would never fit in because I’d always be a fucking Pogue. Which of course I don’t wanna be a Kook, I was just playing dress-up for the year to please my parents and it’s like she saw straight through. Rafe was there. Like an older brother. Told her to go fuck herself. That if she ever talked about me like that again, he’d tell the whole she had an std.” Kie paused to wipe her runny nose. “He was basically my family so when Sarah dropped me like I was nothing I was sure that meant Rafe didn’t think I was worth his time anymore too. I never reached out to him again and now he just looks at me the same way he looks at every other Pogue.”

Pope cleared his throat, clearly mildly uncomfortable with Kiara’s sudden expression of emotion. It was an almost unspoken rule among the four of them that they didn’t talk about Kie’s kook year. It had sucked, bottom line. She’d shown back up the summer after ninth grade and it was the four of them again just like middle school. No one had the guts to ask about anything that had happened that year so it never got brought up.

JJ couldn't stop himself from remembering what Rafe had said at Midsummers. Tell Kiara she looks pretty hot for a Pogue. Fucking jackass. If he'd been like a brother to Kie, of course he'd know just how to hit her where it hurt.

JJ clinched his fist, wishing security hadn't pulled him away before he'd gotten a chance to swing at Rafe that night. “I still hate him,” JJ announced. “The entire Cameron family thinks they're the shit because they eat from golden spoons or something."

"The expression is born with a silver spoon in their mouth but JJ's right. All Kook’s suck," Pope added.

-

Rafe had wrestled off Kiara's heels after she almost face-planted in the school parking lot on the way to Rafe's truck thanks to them. He'd gotten up her all the back to the Cameron's house and in the front door successfully without her throwing up. Rafe tried to get Kiara to walk up the stairs but she'd sat down on the bottom declaring she would just sleep there so Rafe had delicately thrown her over his shoulder and didn't put her down until he dropped her on Sarah's bed.

Kiara closed her eye instantly and hummed softly, pleased with the comfortable spot she'd landed.

"No sleeping yet. You gotta drink some water first. Hold on."

Rafe dashed across the hall to his own room and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen from his bathroom for Kiara in the morning. He also snatched the half-drunk water off his nightstand. It wasn't the best option but it was something.

"Okay, okay. Sit up," he said to Kiara, setting the water and medicine down on the bedside table.

Kiara grumbled but pushed herself upright until her back was against the headboard.

"I'm so happy you're my big bro," she said, reaching out her hand to tousle Rafe's hair. "It's always just been my mom and dad and me. And my turtle, Leo, before I lost him." Kiara felt tears wetting her cheeks again at the thought of her lost pet. "I just thought he might wanna play in the yard but then he ran off." The crying made Kiara hiccup which made her cry even more. "He ran off, Rafe. Turles aren't supposed to be fast.”

Rafe couldn't stop himself from laughing. "I didn't peg you as a sad drunk," he said, putting a hand on Kiara's shoulder to calm her down. "It's okay, Kie. I'm sure Leo is just fine."

Her sniffles stopped momentarily and she looked up at Rafe through her tear-soaked eyelashes. “You know no one ever called me Kie before you did. Now everyone does."

Rafe chuckled. "Alright, drink some water and you can sleep."

Kiara accepted the water bottle and pressed it to her lips, taking a swig. "You promise you're not mad at me? About Ashely and the dance?"

"I promise, Kie. I'd much rather make you sure you're okay."

"You're getting soft, Rafe," Kiara teased as she snuggled herself under the sheets.

"Never," he replied, reaching over and clicking off the lamp on the bedside table before he stood up. "Hollar if you think you're gonna throw up."

"Never," Kie repeated, giggling to herself as Rafe left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

-

John B's face was plastered on wanted posters up and down the island. The entire county was looking for him, desperate to be the first to claim the twenty-five thousand dollar reward. The wholesome treasure hunt John B. has advertised to the Pogues at the beginning of the summer had gone way south, like equator-level south. None of them had eaten a decent meals in days, much less slept more than few hours. The whole thing was taking its toll but the stacks were too high for them to slip up now. They all knew the odds. John B's word would never stand against Ward's. They had to get him off the island.

JJ and Kiara pulled up the boatyard, the keys to the Phantom clutched so tightly in JJ's palm that they left little indentions. He'd emerged from his house, his jaw set and only held up the keys in response to Kiara asking how it went so she decided not to push him on it.

JJ shoved open the rusty metal door of the garage. "There she be. Hey, girl," he remarked. "1983 formula four-oh-two SR1." JJ pulled the sheet covering the boat off, the sunlight streaming in through the windows making the dust lingering in the air visible. "The Phantom," JJ announced proudly.

"Mmhm," Kie hummed.

"First boat to make the run to Bermuda in under sixteen hours, Kie," JJ paused. "Forty years old! Forty. And it's still the fastest thing that Kildare's ever seen."

"It's kind of a junker."

"Really?" JJ turned to her. "She's right there, Kie. She can hear you. Let's just put it this way. You would not be smokin' weed right now if she never existed, okay?"

"I just hope it runs," Kie replied.

"Oh, no, she'll run alright. She's faster than any of the cutters the boy in blue got."

The sounds of motorcycle engines roared from outside the garage.

"Pope. Finally," Kie exclaimed, jogging to meet him. Hopefully, the Outer Banks sun had burned off any weirdness still lingering from this morning, she prayed.

Rafe appeared from behind the boat and Kiara stopped suddenly, not expecting the sight of him.

"Hey, there. What's goin' on? JJ?" Rafe said and JJ also froze at the sound of the eldest Cameron's voice. "How you guys doin'?”

Barry whistled, announcing his own arrival. "Well, well...." The sounds of a gun cocking send the blood rushing to Kie's ears. JJ raised his hands in the air, backing up as Barry pushed the gun to his chest. "See, don't think I forgot about me and you on the side of the road. I'm here because I want my motheruckin' money."

Barry grabbed the side of JJ's face, shoving him to the ground. "JJ! JJ!" Kie screamed as Rafe pulled her back from the scene. "Rafe!" Kiara struggled against Rafe’s taller and stronger physique.

"That's what I'm here for, ain't it," Barry shouted lifting JJ's head up by his hair.

"It's not you we want, Kie. Alright, Where's John B?" Rafe asked.

"I don't know," she screamed back, her hand slapping Rafe's face on instinct.

"I really wish you didn't do that.”

"Look, I know what you did.” Kie’s voice wavered.

"What? What'd I do?" Rafe's face inched closer to hers.

"You murdered Peterkin."

Rafe's hand flew up to Kiara's throat, wrapping his fingers tight around it. Kiara's mouth fell open in a silent scream as she clawed at his hand. "Don't you ever say those fucking words again," Rafe warned.

"Rafe," Kiara pleaded. Eighteen months later and Kiara could tell Rafe didn’t have a single ounce of warmth left for her. The Rafe that had protected her from handsy freshman boys and made her drink water so her hangover wasn't as bad, the Rafe that had once held a deep sibling-like affection for her was gone, replaced by someone with pure blinding disdain for pogues of any kind.

"Understood? Do you understand? Where's John B? Where's John B?" Rafe asked again, his tone growing impatient

"I don't know," Kie yelled. Rafe’s hand was growing tighter around her throat with every word, forcing tears to her eyes. Fuck this. Rafe Cameron wasn’t about to be the thing that killed her. This rich, white asshole couldn’t get away with two murders.

"Where's John B? Huh?"

"I don't know! I don't know!"

Rafe's hand fell away from her throat suddenly. "Don't touch her," Kiara heard Pope screamed, his voice full of rage as he swung a metal pole into Rafe's back. The look on his face was something Kiara had never seen before from Pope. It sent a chill down her spine.

"Hey!" Barry yelled as he attempted to throw his gun to Rafe but it landed on the ground a few feet short.

"Kie! Kick it!" JJ hollered and the gun disappeared under the boat out of reach.

JJ picked up Barry slamming him into the boat. Pope's fist continued to connect with Rafe’s face. Again and again. Crap, he wasn’t stopping.

"Pope," Kie said. "Okay, Pope. Pope! Pope, that's good! Stop!"

JJ, having thrown Barry aside, moved to pull Pope off Rafe. "Hey, Pope! He's had enough, dude."

"He's good." Kie pleaded as Pope reached for a piece of plastic tubing, pulling it tight around Rafe's neck.

"Snap out of it, man. Snap out of it, dude!" JJ said.

"Pope!" Kie yelled again. "Pope, that's too much!"

"Stop, dude," JJ added. "Dude, cmon! Stop! Stop, dude!"

"Pope! Get off!" Kie desperately tried to make eye contact with him

"Let go! Come on!"

"Look at me!" Kie screamed in one final attempt to stop Pope from going to far. Rafe's face was already turning a concerning shade of red. If Pope crossed this line, Kiara feared there would be no coming back. She already had one fugitive to deal with, she didn’t want another.

Pope dropped the tubing, eyes wide with fear.

"Shit. Oh, shit." JJ said.

Rafe coughed from the floor, blood smeared down his chin.

"Okay, we gotta go. We gotta go." Kiara announced, hustling back the car. They had to get the boat ready for John B. They had to get him off the island. Her Pope-like organizational instincts kicked in protecting her from processing anything that had just happened. Letting her forget the look in Rafe’s eyes as his hand closed around her throat. Three o’clock at the dump. They had to stay on schedule. Three o’clock. Three o’clock. Three o’clock.

-

The single yellow heart Sarah had responded to Kiara's ‘Happy Birthday!’ text with stared back at her mockingly. She closed out of her messages, opening Instagram instead. Story after story showed the party she hadn't been invited to. A shaky video of everyone singing to Sarah, her face lit up by the glow of the candles. A bathroom selfie of all the girls who Kiara had through became her closest friends, their faces flushed red with joy. She clicked the side button of her iphone making the screen going black. Kiara couldn't stand to look at it all happening for another minute. She flopped backward on her bed opting to stare at the plain, white ceilings of her bedroom instead.

She should have been, standing by Sarah's side, smiling along with everyone in a tipsy haze of happiness, not watching it happen via Instagram. Kiara knew she wasn't doing anything productive by throwing herself a pity party but God, she was pissed. She wanted Sarah to know it too. She picked up her phone from where she'd dropped it next to her on the comforter.

The line rang twice before a voice answered the call.

“Kildare County Police, what’s the emergency?”

Kiara hesitated. Sarah was sure to figure out it was her who had ratted on the party and that would be social suicide enough. But Sarah really had brought this on herself. She should have invited to Kie to her fucking birthday.

“Hello? Anyone there?” The operator asked.

Kiara brought the phone back up to her ear. “Hi, I’d like to file a noise complaint, please. Two six six St. Margaret Street.”

“Yes, the Cameron’s house,” Kiara confirmed, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks and steading her voice as she relied the rest of the information to the operator.

Happy birthday to you, Sarah Cameron.

taglist! @surferkie

[schrijverr]

Constant

After all those years side by side, no matter how begrudgingly, Midoriya and Bakugo know each other. Something that they notice more and more during their time at UA. And maybe just the fact that they know each other can be enough to rebuilt what had been lost.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings none really, but tell me if I missed anything!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Midoriya and Bakugo grew up together. This was a fact most of the class was aware off with the rivalry and all around weird dynamic the two had, but most of them forgot what it entailed to grow up with someone.

You see, Midoriya and Bakugo didn’t just grow up together, they grew uptogether.

The ‘they knew each other from diapers, spend most of their time together, called each other’s mom auntie’- grew up together.

It had only been recently that the bullying had really picked up steam. Around the time when they got into a bigger Middle School where just having a flashy quirk wasn’t enough to be the best in the school and Bakugo started to feel threatened.

That didn’t excuse anything he’d done, but that wasn’t currently the point. The point was that they knew each other incredibly well, even if they would deny it.

And the denying it meant others forgot. Sometimes, however, a little comment or action would remind everyone just how long of a history they had together.

Today was such a day. The class was fighting in an open field to practice in different environments and stealth. It was hot and all were tired and ready for a break, groaning in relief when Aizawa finally announced it.

Bakugo was also about to plop down somewhere, when Midoriya said: “Kacchan, ant hill,” as he pointed to a spot near Bakugo.

“Hm,” Bakugo just hummed in acknowledgment, not thanking the other, before deciding to sit somewhere else.

“What just happened, bro?” Kirishima asked.

“Ant hill,” Bakugo replied as explanation.

Kirishima still looked confused, so Midoriya explained: “The nitroglycerin smells sweet and attracts insects like ants. If he isn’t careful, he’ll be crawling with them. That happe-”

“That’s enough, nerd. I think he gets it,” Bakugo interrupted, before going back to ignoring them when Midoriya shut his mouth and turned to his own friends.

Uraraka said: “I always forget you two know each other.”

“Wha?” Midoriya replied, “We don’t know each other that well. I mean, we barely interacted constructively in Middle School.”

“You have your moments,” Momo said, “Just here and there, but it’s hard to miss and you’re probably right that it petered out with time. I mean, it barely happens now.”

“Yeah, Bakugo could glare anything you know about him away,” Uraraka giggled and the conversation moved on.

It didn’t particularly stick with Midoriya, nor anyone else for that matter and life moved on. Of course, it popped back up a few weeks or so later, when it happened again.

Midoriya wasn’t usually late for class, or just the morning in general. He liked getting up early and was usually the first one outside.

Today, however, had not been his day. He had a nightmare during the night, barely fallen asleep only to sleep through his alarm and nearly missing his station by almost falling asleep on the train ride over. All of this was topped off by the fact that he had forgotten a goddamn pen.

“Uhm, does anyone have a pen?” he asked softly.

A few people nearby held out a pen to him and he sighed. There wasn’t anything wrong with the pens, of course not, and it was real nice of them to offer at all. It was just- It was just that Midoriya wrote a lot, so he had done research into what the best pens were.

He was a pen snob! There, he said it.

He was a pen snob and he really liked the one specific sort of pen and none of his classmates had it, so he would have to make due with another pen for one day. That wasn’t even that bad, he was just being dramatic.

But his night had already been so shit and all he wanted was his nice little pen, but apparently that was too much to ask.

“Midoriya?” Fumikage asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

He was one of the few holding out a pen and Midoriya sighed, before plastering on a smile to thank the other for the pen. However, his hand never reached the pen, because Bakugo sighed before turning around and shoving a pen in his hand while he grumbled: “I don’t even know why you think these write nice. They don’t.”

In his hand there was now a pen, his pen. Well, not his pen, but one like his and he nearly teared up over it.

“Thank you, Kacchan!” he bowed.

“Tsk, don’t mention it, it’s stupid,” Bakugo huffed, turning back to the front of the class.

Later, during lunch Iida and Uraraka asked what was up with that interaction and Midoriya shrugged as he explained: “I like the ways those pens write. It’s a bit embarrassing that I’d prefer to write with them, but I do. I guess, Kacchan must have remembered.”

It was at that point that Midoriya remembered the conversation from a few weeks ago and he hummed thoughtfully to himself. For as much as he knew of Kacchan, it seemed the other still remembered a lot of him as well.

He started to pay more attention to it afterwards. While he still walked on Bakugo’s right side since the hearing in his left ear was slightly damaged, Bakugo still took the same train as him even though there was a station closer to his house, just because Midoriya used to be scared of taking the train by himself.

When they walked, they unconsciously matched paces and even when they weren’t near each other, they were aware of the others position. Midoriya thought the latter one had only been him, but then Kirishima had said: “Oh, I still have Midoriya’s notebook.”

After which Bakugo had snatched it out of his hands and thrown it directly at Midoriya, even though he was on the other side of the room and Bakugo hadn’t paid him any attention. He’d caught it, only because Bakugo had thrown a lot of stuff at him during their childhood.

More small stuff like that stacked up.

Naturally there was also bigger stuff that others in the class caught onto, like with the muttering. He knew he muttered and no one could follow him, but he couldn’t help it. It always happened when they had to give each other feedback.

“Of course if he’s up against someone with a water quirk, they could render him practically useless by using the conductivity of the water against him, so he would have to invest in hand to hand combat, because there are probably more with conductivity quirks and he would have to be able to defend himself against them and know which materials are conduc-” Midoriya muttered.

“Oi, Deku, shut up, he gets it,” Bakugo interrupted him.

“Oh, sorry, Kaminari,” Midoriya apologized.

“It’s- It’s okay, don’t worry, Midoriya,” Kaminari quickly said, “I- uhm, I just didn’t quite catch that, sorry.”

“He says your useless against conductivity quirks and you need to work on your hand to hand combat, you idiot,” Bakugo said, before Midoriya could go on a tangent again.

“You can understand that?” Kaminari asked.

“What? Of course,” Bakugo frowned, “You should have heard him when he was little, I swear aun- his mom was going to pull her hair out for a while there.”

Midoriya blushed and said: “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You failed public speaking in 7thgrade, because the teacher thought you were swearing under your breath the entire time,” Bakugo raised a brow.

Some people in the class snorted as Midoriya got even redder, luckily Aizawa saved him by moving on to the next person giving feedback.

When they were walking between classes Kirishima bumped shoulders with Bakugo and said: “I always forget that you already knew Midoriya.”

“I don’t.”

“So, you understanding him and knowing in which grade he failed public speaking for mumbling, was just a freak accident?” Serogrinned.

Bakugo glared at him, but most of class 1-A had become immune to it, so hejust raised a brow in return. He looked away and grumbled: “Shut the fuck up.”

“Ahw, come on, don’t be like that, bro. I think it’s very manly of you to remember stuff about your friends,” Kirishima said, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

“I’m not Deku’s friend,” Bakugo replied, shrugging off the arm before storming off.

He wasn’t that goddamned nerds friend, alright. They just used to be and the dumbass was always following him, it was almost impossible not the know things about him. And his mom was friends with auntie and it was boring to be the only two kids at gatherings, so they spend time actually talking to one another even after they stopped being close friends.

Sue Bakugo for being observant, which was a useful skill as a hero, mind you. So no, he wasn’t the nerds friend, the other had just been a constant.

Nevertheless, he hated how he noticed the other still had the stupid granola bars Bakugo used to enjoy as a kid, because he shared with the nerd and then he liked them as well or how he found himself looking in Deku’s eyes after he had managed to get himself hurt, because he would always say he was fine while his eyes would betray him.

Neither said anything about it of course, they were content to live with the truth that their lives had been interlocked and they knew each other well, without ever speaking a word about it. Well, until they had to move into the dorms that was.

Apparently all the years of familiarity got more obvious when living together.

They didn’t even get time to ease into that realization. It didn’t creep up on them like it had done before, but just happened on the first morning when Midoriya was up first and put on the kettle to make tea.

When Bakugo got up, he saw the tea Midoriya was making and just put a cup next to it with a small grumble that could be considered questioning, before he ambled off to make breakfast.

Midoriya just hummed in acknowledgment and made two cups of tea exactly like his mom used to make, because he and Bakugo had stood next to her with wonder in their eyes as she showed them how and neither had ever taken their tea differently.

Bakugo was making pancakes for everyone, like his dad used to do, because he was on the roster to make breakfast. He plated it for everyone, leaving it blank so that their could figure out their own topics, except for two. One he drenched in syrup and the other he put butter on to melt.

A few other were just in time to see them exchange a cup of tea for a plate of pancakes, while Bakugo grumbled: “All that syrup is going to rot your teeth.”

“Butter is boring though,” Midoriya mumbled back, both were tired and the whole interaction hadn’t caught up to them yet.

It did when Mina slid onto the breakfast table next to them and yawned: “You could have put butter on my pancakes too, Bakugo. Now it didn’t melt as much.”

“How the fuck would I know how you eat your pancakes, raccoon,” Bakugo asked.

“You knew Midoriya’s pancake order,” Mina pouted.

At that both were quiet for a moment, then they quickly looked away, a faint blush coloring their cheeks as they desperately ignored the others eyes. More people came to the table and Tsu asked: “Why are they looking like that, kero?”

“They realized that Bakugo knew Midoriya’s pancake order and Midoriya made Bakugo tea like he always takes it,” Mina informed her gleefully, having realized why her words made the two boys react like that.

“Ahw, how cute,” Hagakure said.

“I’m not cute,” Bakugo growled, before stuffing the last of his pancakes in his mouth and stomping off.

“Someone’s touchy,” Kaminari said. He was just walking up and had missed the conversation, luckily both Mina and Hagakure were there to inform him and he laughed at what had made his friend so touchy.

Before anyone else could be told as well, a still blushing Midoriya squeaked: “Can we please not make a big deal out of this.”

“Why?” Mina pouted.

“Yeah, it’s sweet that you two still know things about each other,” Hagakure agreed.

“It’s a bit embarrassing after so long,” Midoriya confessed, “It’s better now, but we kind of didn’t talk for a long while and Bakugo was kind of mean back then. So, it’s still weird to know that sort of stuff when we feel like we’re just getting to know the other again. And having it pointed out is a bit embarrassing because of it.”

It was quiet for a moment and Midoriya said: “Ah, sorry, it’s too early for rants like that and it’s not a big deal really, sorry-”

“Stop it, Midoriya,” Mina cut him off, “We’ll stop, or at least try.”

“Really?”

“Of course, it’s still funny, but we’re not going to be rude about it,” Kaminari said, “Though no promises.”

“Thank you,” Midoriya bowed before finishing his breakfast too and going to get ready for the day as well.

The others did try to keep that promise and it seemed even people who hadn’t been there caught onto it pretty quickly, because no one commented when Bakugo unthinkingly wrote down a snack Midoriya liked on the shopping list because it had become commonplace in the Bakugo household after Midoriya became a regular guest, nor when Midoriya knew which piece Bakugo wanted to be in aboard game.

It was just something that happened and no one commented on.

Time went on and Midoriya and Bakugo leveled a big part of a fake city and solved a bit of their issues as they got on the road to friendship again.

They had mostly been just friendly with each other, but they hadn’t made an effort to spend time with each other one on one when circumstance made the time for them. It was late, probably already 3 AM and Midoriya was in the kitchen.

A nightmare had woken him and he felt too jittery to truly try and sleep again, so he went downstairs and made himself some tea. He was just about to pour it when a rough soft voice started him: “Can I have a cup too?”

He turned around and saw Bakugo, who was looking worse for wear. Midoriya smiled: “Of course, Kacchan,” and put down another cup to pour.

It was quiet in the kitchen after that. They stood near the counter and sipped their tea, not really making eye contact while still being comfortable.

When he was nearly halfway done with his tea, Midoriya asked: “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really much to talk about,” Bakugo shrugged.

“Happens often?”

“Enough.”

“Never seen you down here before.”

“I usually stay in my room, felt a bit trapped today,” Bakugo explained, “I take it you’re down here often.”

“The tea helps,” Midoriya nodded.

They fell silent again, sipping their tea and not feeling the need to talk. Maybe talking about what woke them up would be good, but neither felt the need to relive what had shaken them enough to keep them from sleeping.

Before they were done with their tea, Bakugo put on the kettle again and poured them a new cup when they were done. Instead of staying quiet and just drinking the tea, however, he said: “Wanna watch something? I think I still have the All Might cartoons in my room.”

Midoriya grinned as he remembered all the sleepovers where they tried to stay awake, but ultimately fell asleep watching those cartoons. He nodded: “Lead the way.”

And so they ended up on Bakugo’s bed, with Midoriya on his right side so that the earbuds they shared could be in Bakugo’s right ear. Midoriya leaned on his shoulder and neither said more as they watched the drawn All Might beat up fake villains.

They woke early from Midoriya’s alarm, who always got up way too early for Bakugo’s taste. He groaned: “Why do you always do that?”

“Carpe diem, Kacchan,” Midoriya grinned.

“Go carpe fucking diem somewhere else, Zuku,” Bakugo told him as he turned around in his bed.

Midoriya grinned with the return of the nickname that had been long before Deku. He slipped out of the bed and smiled: “I will, Kacchan. Oh, and Kacchan?”

“What.”

“The next time, feel free to come downstairs again. It was better with you there.”

Bakugo lifted his head to look at Midoriya. It was a vulnerable look that he still managed to make judgmental and surprised, before he burrowed his head into his pillow again and said: “Sure, whatever.”

“Bye, Kacchan,” Midoriya left the room sneakily, not minding that Bakugo hadn’t replied.

Neither spoke of the night with anyone, nor each other. At least, not during the day. At night they drank their tea and watched cartoons, usually ending in either one of their rooms, to fall asleep next to one another and to be woken by Midoriya’s alarm.

Sometimes they talked about what kept them awake, about the memories that haunted them. But mostly they were quiet, knowing the other understood and they didn’t have to talk about it, that they could be them for a moment and it would be fine.

They had seen the other at their lowest points, they didn’t have to pretend to be strong.

Their nightly tea sessions didn’t really bleed over into their day to day interaction, since it was kind of their secret. They hadn’t planned on it, but it wasn’t something you easily shared, so they kept it to themselves.

The only difference was that they got more familiar with each other again.

Respected rivalsmaking way for friends.

Some others in the class caught onto it. It was hard to miss how they weren’t at each others throats anymore and how they sat next to each other when making homework, or how they didn’t get embarrassed about the fact that they knew how the other ate certain foods.

None, however, had realized how much closer the two had gotten again until Bakugo was annoying Midoriya. He was bored and Midoriya was doing homework. He started just saying: “Are you done yet?”

“No, I just started, Kacchan. Maybe you should start to,” Midoriya told him.

“Don’t want to.”

“Not my problem.”

A few of their fellow classmates raised their brow at Bakugo’s behavior. He always tried to be stoic and uncaring, but that had never been truly him. He just wanted attention and would be annoying to get it, especially with Midoriya, who had always given him attention freely.

Midoriya wasn’t giving him attention now. He had lost the fear for Bakugo and the starry eyed admiration also wasn’t so strong anymore, so he was writing down answers and ignoring Bakugo.

So, he poked him.

Midoriya stopped writing for a second and looked at him with a raised brow, he just looked back with a look that screamed ‘what you gonna do about it?’ and poked again. This time he got a tried sigh and look, before Midoriya went back to writing.

Poking didn’t work, so he turned to the thing he knew would work, the thing he had always done that annoyed Midoriya to no end.

When Midoriya put his pen down to write again, Bakugo smacked the top of the pen, causing him to scribble down something illegible. Midoriya exhaled annoyed, but was determined to ignore Bakugo as he attempted to write again, only for the same to happen again.

“Will you stop that, Kacchan.”

“Stop what?”

“Are you serious? Really?”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re smacking my pen. It’s annoying, you know I find that annoying.”

“My hand must have slipped.”

“Just stop.”

“I won’t do it anymore, promise.”

“Hmm, okay,” Midoriya said, still suspicious, before turning back to his notebook, eyeing Bakugo as he put down his pen again.

True to his word, Bakugo didn’t hit the pen again. No, instead he pulled Midoriya’s notebook out from under his pen. A stripe crossed over the page and Midoriya whipped his head towards him, fuming.

“Are you a child? Give that back, you dick.”

“What? This?” Bakugo asked, holding the notebook above his head as he got out of his chair, “Why don’t you come get it.”

Midoriya was out of his chair, before Bakugo could even finish the sentence and running towards him with a battle cry. Bakugo, however, had seen it coming and was already running too.

“No fighting in the dorms,” Iida yelled after them, but was ignored by both.

Bakugo ran around the tables and couches with Midoriya on his heels. Bakugo was laughing, which was weird in itself, but Midoriya was cursing at him, which might be even weirder. Anyone who had been attempting to do their homework was now just watching intrigued as the two chased each other.

“Should we try to split them up?” Iidaasked Momo, “Or get a teacher?”

“They’re not using their quirks, so I don’t think any of the teacherswill have more success than us,” Momoresponded.

“So you want to break them up?” he asked.

Momolooked at the two again. Midoriya was attempting to grab the notebook, while Bakugo stopped him with a hand on his forehead. She sighed: “I don’t know if we can. Maybe wait until they’ve calmed down a bit?”

Right at point Midoriya screamed: “I will lick your hand, Kacchan, don’t test me.”

It was a weird threat to make, but it seemed effective, because Bakugo’s eyes got big and he snatched his hand back as he replied: “Don’t you fucking dare, Zuku.”

Midoriya quickly grabbed his notebook back, before he said: “Of course I’m not going to do that, I’m not stupid, Kacchan. That’s poisonous.”

There was a little pause and everyone thought it was over, but then Bakugo glared: “You little shit,” and the chase was on again.

Uraraka asked: “Was it just me or did Bakugo call Midoriya Zuku?”

“He probably said Deku,” Seroreplied.

“No, I heard Zuku too,” Hagakure said.

They discussed whether or not Bakugo had called Midoriya Zuku while the two ran around the room. Before anyone could ask, it was answered for them. Bakugo had managed to tackle Midoriya, but the other had twisted them around and had set in a tickle attack.

He knew all of Bakugo’s ticklish spots and he was showing no mercy. It had been sort of fun to roughhouse with Kacchan again, but he was also determined to win, so he didn’t yield when Bakugo pleaded: “Zuku, let me go. Zuku, please.”

“What? I don’t hear you, Kacchan,” Midoriya said the innocence in his voice not fitting the situation.

“Zuku, don’t- don’t do-hohoho this t- to me-he,” Bakugo managed through the giggles.

“I thought you wanted me to pay attention to you? This not attention?” Midoriya asked, pressing into Bakugo’s ribs, which he knew the other hated.

They were interrupted by Iida, who took pity on Bakugo. As a younger sibling he had been in that position many times before and he felt that as a responsible class president, he should step in. He said: “Okay, that’s enough, both of you.”

Midoriya blinked almost as if he’d forgotten other were there, before he smiled and let Bakugo go as he said: “Of course, sorry.”

Bakugo rubbed his sore ribs and groaned: “I forgot you were a little shit, Zuku.”

“According to auntie, you’re the little shit,” Midoriya countered.

“Mom didn’t know you were also responsible for the shit we did,” Bakugo huffed.

“Will you ever forgive me for the cake incident?” Midoriya asked.

“No.”

“But Kacchan,” he whined.

“No, I got grounded for that, you know how much it takes for the old hag to ground me,” Bakugo replied.

“To be fair, you didn’t disagree with it and I got a stern talking too as well,” Midoriya countered.

“Auntie couldn’t give a stern talking too if her life depended on it. It can’t have been that bad, Zuku.”

“You obviously have never had a talking to from her.”

“We both know I did, she just does the sad thing that makes you feel guilty, it’s not stern.”

“But you feel bad after!”

Bakugo thought for a second then gave in: “Yeah, okay, it does make you feel bad.”

“See, we both had consequences.”

“I’m still mad about it.”

“Okay, so I am not following any of this,” Mina interrupted, “But since when do you call Midoriya Zuku?”

“I don’t.”

“You literally just did. It’s not manly to lie, bro,” Kirishima backed Mina up.

Midoriya burst out laughing when Bakugo didn’t reply and just looked away as if not seeing them would make the question disappear. Midoriya was more than willing to throw his friend under the bus and answered for him: “Kacchan has always called my Zuku, I think he stopped in Middle School.”

“I started calling you Deku when we were eight, dumbass,” Bakugo corrected.

“Yeah, but you called me Zuku at gatherings with auntie and uncle until Middle School,” Midoriya said.

“Whatever,” Bakugo rolled his eyes, “The fact is that I stopped and don’t call him that.”

“You know that lying doesn’t work if everyone just saw you do something else, right?” Midoriya grinned.

“Shut the fuck up, they must have misheard,” Bakugo insisted.

“Why would you be embarrassed about this, kero?” Tsu asked.

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“Then why are you denying it?”

“Why are you all so interested?” Bakugo countered, not answering the question.

“Come on, Bakugo,” Mina whined, “You and Midoriya hardly talked up until recently and now you have a nickname for him and you bicker like you’ve always done it. Can’t we be curious what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Bakugo groused and everyone turned to Midoriya.

“Wha? Oh, uh, nothing happened,” he stumbled over his words to back Bakugo up, “We got over our differences. It would be weird for him to still call me Deku.”

No one reacted to that, though some shrugged in a ‘that’s fair’-manner.

When it seemed nobody was about to move, Iida clapped his hands: “That was enough excitement, we were making homework.”

People groaned, but everyone ambled back to the table, some stopping to get themselves a snack or tea or something. As everyone left, Midoriya hauled Bakugo onto his feet as he asked: “Going to annoy me again?”

“Nah, made enough of a spectacle out of myself today,” Bakugo grumbled.

“Ahw, areyou embarrassed?” Midoriya teased.

“Shut up, Zuku.”

“You are!”

“I said shut up.”

“Rude, Kacchan.”

“Leave me alone.”

“So you don’t want tea? I was going to make some for myself and ask if you wanted any, but since you want me to leave you alone...”

“… Make me tea.”

Midoriya giggled, but said nothing as he went to make them both tea. They studied silently afterwards, only breaking their silence to check something with the other.

They had come full circle from friends to strangers to friends once more. The fact that they had known the other so well - it couldn’t be erased even if they tried - had been the thing that rebuild their relationship.

Kacchan and Zuku grew up together, they knew each other and that was something constant.

[eastertag]

double date gone wrong

@gordonthegreatesttracy gift for @godsliltippy

—

“This is Jeff Tracy of International Rescue. How may I be of assistance?”

Scott lets out a sigh, his father has been back in their lives now for eighteen months and this never gets old. Hearing his voice every day, listening to his stories from his eight years in deep space and just being able to go to him with any problems. Scott is no longer carrying the weight of four younger brothers’ problems on his shoulders.

“Dad, it’s John”

Scott’s heart skips a beat. John is supposed to be on holiday, a relaxing two week break away from the stresses and strains of international rescue.

“Go ahead John” Jeff replies, concern deepening the wrinkles in his forehead, his eyes focusing on the screen and the boy who has just popped out of the hologram projector on his desk.

“There has been a cave in up on the north end of the beach. Gordon and Penelope are both trapped and it is all my fault. We need Scott and Virgil. Now” John insists.

Scott is confused. How did that happen?

*TB*

Twelve hours earlier

“I could get used to this life” Ridley says to John as the pair lie under a shady umbrella on the beach looking out at the waves.

John smiles happily “I know what you mean, as much as I love Thunderbird Five just lying here with you makes my whole world feel complete”

Ridley smiles back and snuggles in closer, her head resting on his chest allowing her dark brown hair to flow loosely around her shoulders.

Yeah this is definitely the best holiday she has ever had.

The pair have just drifted off to sleep when a sudden shadow falls across them. Opening one eye, John groans at the sight in front of him.

“Hey bro, miss me?” a voice calls.

“No” John replies. “Why are you here Gordon?”

“Well Lady Penelope, you know, my girlfriend and I are here for a conference with the new ocean preservation society and I have been chosen to give the keynote speech” Gordon informs him, sitting down on the sand next to him and making himself at home.

“That does not mean that you are allowed to interrupt my afternoon, I took this vacation to get away from international rescue!” John reminds him.

“I was going to offer to take you to dinner, sort of a double date. I even swiped Scott’s credit card for the occasion but if you are going to be rude…” Gordon tails off.

“Okay fine” John replies, unwilling to miss out on a free meal!

“Awesome, meet me at the Grand Hotel in an hour” Gordon replies before walking away.

John makes it over to the designated hotel and is shown to a table set for four where Lady Penelope is sat awaiting their arrival.

Getting up she greets both warmly, smiling as she gives John a welcome kiss.

“Where is Gordon?” John asks looking around.

“You expected him to be on time?” Lady Penelope says with a grin.

Ridley is watching the friendly exchange with a dark look crossing her eyes. The pair are a little too friendly for her tastes. She reaches out and puts her hand on his shoulder possessively feeling anger rising up in her chest when he shrugs it off.

Does Lady Penelope need all five Tracys for herself? Surely she should be happy with the one she did snare and leave John for her?

“How many minutes late do you think Gordon is going to be?” Lady Penelope asks.

“Ten, shall we put a bet on it?” John replies laughing.

“Okay. I will say fifteen” Lady Penelope replies, she too is laughing.

“How about you Ridley?” John asks, turning towards her.

“Finally noticed that I am still here have you?” she says snottily.

“Excuse me?” Lady Penelope replies indignantly.

“Stop flirting with my boyfriend” Ridley says, her voice is low and menacing.

“WHAT?!” Gordon calls from behind Ridley’s head.

“She was flirting with your brother” Ridley says, rudely pointing to Lady Penelope.

“She has a name” Gordon says, equally rudely as he takes his seat next to Penny. “And she can flirt with whoever she wants, one I trust her and two she always returns to eat at home!”

John chokes on the bread stick he has just bitten into. “Ugh too much information Squid”

“What do you think we do at bedtime? Play paint by numbers?” Penelope adds grinning and wrapping her arms around Gordon’s shoulders and kissing his forehead.

John turns to Ridley. “See you have nothing to worry about, Lady Penelope has been one of my best friends since I was nine years old and we spent our first summer on the Island but her heart belongs to Gordon”

Ridley isn’t happy and she isn’t convinced, but she knows better than to show her hatred and jealousy of anyone who has the ability to take John from her and knows that she has to change the subject before the afternoon is ruined.

“What is everyone having for lunch? I hear they do really good lobster here”

Gordon untangles himself from Lady Penelope’s embrace to glare at his brother. “No. John you know that I am going to leave right now if anyone even think about eating an innocent lobster. The way they drop them into boiling water, I can’t John”

John does know. Remembering the time Gordon convinced Alan to break into a restaurant in California with him and free the lobsters back into the ocean still makes him laugh. The anger of their father and the unrepentant attitudes of his two younger brothers who only declared that they would happily to it again if they got the chance. Gordon doesn’t believe in killing and eating sea food! “Lobster is off the menu” he confirms with a reassuring glance at Gordon.

“Okay fine, I will have the grilled chicken salad” Ridley says after briefly studying the menu.

“Same” Lady Penelope adds.

“I will have the steak, rare, with the beer battered onion rings and chips” Gordon orders, tapping the screen in front of him to add his order.

“John?”

John is still reading the menu, nothing appeals to him but he knows sitting and watching his brother eat steak will make him hungry!

“I will have the steak too. Well done though, I don’t want it to still be mooing!”

The atmosphere starts to thaw out once the food arrives. Ridley watches Lady Penelope closely and she finds herself relaxing as she watches her with Gordon. Gordon is the one she really wants, maybe she did get it wrong.

“Hey John, can we get another bottle of wine?” Gordon asks. They have already consumed two full bottles and all four a little tipsy.

“Scott is paying, go ahead!” John replies with a grin.

“How did you get Scott’s card?” Ridley asks.

“Simple bit of swiping and using Alan as a distraction. You know when he was first born I thought that I would hate having a younger brother, but he definitely has his uses!” Gordon replies smiling before ordering a third bottle on the ordering app.

“Tell her about the time you talked him into painting Scott’s room pink” John says laughing.

“Oh yeah that was a classic!” Gordon laughs. “He was on a mission with Virgil in the artic. Something about the northern lights, I forget exactly what happened on the mission, but while they were away I had Alan paint Scott’s room neon pink. The trick to framing someone is to make sure you have an alibi”

“How to break the law, with Gordon Cooper Tracy” Lady Penelope breaks in.

“Ooh, I can use that as the title for my autobiography!” Gordon says.

Even Ridley laughs this time.

*TB*

“Okay so you guys stole my credit card and spent over eight hundred dollars on food and wine and Ridley got jealous, I don’t understand how Gordon and Lady Penelope getting stuck in a cave is your fault.” Scott is flying thunderbird one as fast as he knows how to get to their location while John tells the story.

“I am getting to it” John says rolling his eyes.

“Then get to it faster, what happened after dinner?”

*TB*

“Where are you guys going now?” Gordon asks.

“Well seeing as you interrupted our sunbathing session we are going back to that” John replies.

“Can we come?” Lady Penelope asks. “Make our double date last all day. It would be good to get to know you better Ridley”

Ridley allows herself a smile, she is feeling silly about her jealousy of the closeness between John and Lady Penelope. “It’s okay with me” she says happily.

“Can we build a sandcastle?” Gordon asks, once they have found a spot in the sun and have spread out towels.

“A sand space station” John suggests with a grin. Ridley nods enthusiastically.

“Can we make it a competition?” Gordon asks. His naturally competitive nature which helped him win an Olympic gold medal bursting out, his amber eyes are lit up in delight.

“Okay, but what is the prize for the winner?” John asks, he too has always loved a contest and he is not about to turn down a chance to beat a brother.

“The winner gets to decide where we are going for dinner, and can have Scott’s card to pay for it” Gordon fires back.

“You’re on fish face” John replies.

While the boys negotiate the terms of the competition, Lady Penelope and Ridley lie back on the beach towels talking.

“How did you meet John?” Ridley asks.

“We spent the summer together on Tracy Island when we were kids. That was the summer Gordon tried to feed Kayo to a snake and all they all got lost in a tropical storm” Lady Penelope replies.

“He tried to feed Kayo to a snake?!” Ridley exclaims in shock.

It is Gordon who answers her. “Yeah, but she deserved it. She was being mean to Alan and no one gets away with picking on my little brother but me. Toes passed away last year, but I went to visit him as often as I could after he got injured and had to go and live in a sanctuary in Australia”

“Toes?” Ridley asks.

“Yeah, I named him toes because he doesn’t have any” Gordon replies smiling.

John stops any further reminiscing by interrupting with the contest rules. “Okay we are ready. Rules are as followed apart from construction supplies you are not allowed to purchase anything. Scott will pay for the supplies. That is the only rule!”

Gordon nods, his teeth gritted in anticipation of a battle. “Sure, lets go. Pen RUN!” he shouts pointing over to the stall selling buckets and spades, while he wrestles John to the ground. “Eat sand Johnny!”

“Get off me!” John splutters, swinging his legs round and causing Gordon to fall who laughs as he gets back up onto his feet and looks around.

“Hey, where did the girls go?” he asks John.

“No idea, if you have frightened off another one of my girlfriends Fish-Face then I swear I will feed you to a shark” John replies rolling his eyes.

Gordon grins happily. “You know that is how I want to die right?”

“Excuse me?”

Turning round Gordon and John come face to face with Ridley and Lady Penelope who are both carrying bags with buckets and spades and looking at the boys as if they have never met them before.

“You want to be eaten by a shark?” Lady Penelope asks, her bright blue eyes are twinkling with amusement and she has momentarily forgotten their contest.

“Yep. If my death has to happen, then of course I want to be shark food!” Gordon replies. “My other life ambition apart from International Rescue and the Olympics has always been to be eaten by a shark”

*TB*

Scott is laughing despite the seriousness of the situation. His brother has always been crazy, but being eaten by a shark? Really Gordo?

“John, I am only minutes away now, please skip to how they got into the cave” Scott says, as he crosses over the coastline and starts to scan the beach for his brother’s location.

*TB*

Gordon and Lady Penelope’s “Sand Mansion” is a work of art. Virgil has always been the family artist, but Gordon has his own style that is shining through as he uses seaweed and shells he has gathered to make cladding and windows for the building. He has even added a moat and filled it with water.

Sitting back to admire his handywork, Lady Penelope runs her fingers through her hair, getting her nails tangled in her wet salty locks, but she doesn’t care. Not here with the only man she has ever loved. Watching with interest as the scarred muscles on his back heave with the effort of lugging buckets of water over for his moat. She knows that he is lucky to be here with her and not buried in a watery grave. Lying back on her towel, relaxing as the sun starts to sink down below the horizon causing the sky to glow and cast the beach in a red haze.

“Are you nearly done?” she asks him, aware that he has gotten carried away and isn’t even aware that she is still here!

“Nearly. But there is something missing. We need a flag!” Gordon replies, not even looking up from his masterpiece but jumping up onto his feet.

Gordon finally turns to Lady Penelope “Come on let’s go exploring for a flag”

Hand in hand the two walk past John and Ridley’s effort: a replica of thunderbird five including a gravity ring held in place with stray sticks they have found littering the sand.

“Hey it’s pretty good” Gordon says “Not as good as ours but not a bad effort big bro!”

“Thanks for the compliment Fish, where are you going?” John asks.

“To get some more stuff for the mansion, I would invite you along but you’re the competition!” it is Lady Penelope who answers him.

Ridley giggles. Finally realising that John and Lady Penelope are just friends, she can relax. John is hers and he knows it. Reaching out across their shared towel she curls into his side her head resting on his chest, as if the last seven hours have never happened. John has never been happier than he is right now. he has the woman he loves, and his brother is finally leaving them alone!

“Hey Pen, how about in here? we might not find a flag for the mansion but it is private!” Gordon says pointing out a small cave mouth in the hill at the edge of the beach.

Penny knows Gordon well enough to know why he wants the privacy! Grabbing his hand she drags him into the cave before throwing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his forehead her hands already moving to the drawstring on his shorts as she pushes him down onto the floor of the cave, neither caring about the wet and slimy ground as they are the only two people in the world.

“We can add this to the list with Thunderbird One and the Fire Flash” Gordon says laughing. “I thought Scott was going to murder us both when Virgil spilled the beans on that one!”

“Mmm. Have I told you recently just how much I love you?” Penny replies.

“No, tell me again!” Gordon replies with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

She doesn’t get the opportunity to speak however as there is a loud bang near by which sounds like a small explosion. Rocks rain down on both their heads and Gordon lies across Penelope desperate to protect her from harm. The cave is plunged into darkness as the entrance collapses. They’re trapped.

Finally the earth stills and she feels able to get up, only Gordon doesn’t move. His dark blonde hair has been dyed with the sticky red blood seeping from a wound in the back of his head. There is a brief moment of relief when she realises that he is still breathing but it doesn’t last long.

There are only two words running through her mind. Over and over again. Get. Help. Not wanting to move in case she causes further damage she manages to get to her phone calling the number that has never failed.

*TB*

John is starting to drift into a comfortable and relaxed sleep when he is suddenly bought back to full consciousness by Ridley’s urgent prodding.

“Wha’?” he mumbles sleepily.

“Your phone” Ridley replies, handing it over to him.

Flipping open the receiver Lady Penelope’s face pops out of the hologram transmitter. She has a cut above her right eyebrow which causes John to gasp in shock. “What happened?” he asks now wide awake.

“C-c-cave in. Gordon hurt. Help!” is all she can say, unable to stop the flow of tears.

John doesn’t ask for further details he is already on his feet, running down the beach, his bare feet burning as they beat down on the still warm sand as he races towards his brother’s weak life sign, followed by Ridley.

Coming upon the cave John let’s out a swear word he would never be brave enough to say in front of Grandma! It is buried.

*TB*

Lady Penelope is sitting on the floor, a deep cold has penetrated her heart and soul and she can’t stop shivering. Blaming herself for being so stupid for getting them into this situation she strokes a stray hair from Gordon’s face. His skin feels cold and his eyes are still tightly closed. Using the hand that isn’t stroking his hair, she takes his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze so he knows that he is not alone. That she has him, and she always will.

Gordon starts to squeeze back, his fingers closing ever so slightly and if she hadn’t been concentrating so hard she would never have felt them. This is the only way that he can let her know that he too is still with her.

*TB*

Outside in the warm evening air Virgil and Scott have arrived. Landing their respective Thunderbirds on the beach further away than they would have liked on John’s orders, as the ground around the cave is unstable and any further movement could cause even more damage.

Virgil drives a mole pod across the sandy terrain with Scott in the back up to where John is standing with Ridley.

“I have worked out the weak spots, use the drill through here” John tells them not even stopping to greet his two elder brothers. “I have spoken to Lady Penelope and Gordon has a serious head injury. You have to be careful in there”

“How did this happen?” Virgil asks. Looking around at the devastation on the beach, which has quickly been evacuated, and has been left covered in litter and stranded towels and beach umbrellas.

“According to the chief of police, there was a car crash, and the fuel ignited and caused the vehicle to explode. Luckily everyone was out of the car when it happened, but the shaking of the ground caused a minor earth tremor, which caused the cave in” John replies he knows that it was more complex than that, but he doesn’t have the time to go into details.

Virgil nods his face focused and determined on the task ahead of him. slowly he starts to drill at the solid rock formation in front of him, nervously he jumps at every noise, concern about further rock fall. The drill with the path John mapped for him makes the progress through the rock smooth and steady and in less than two minutes he is through.

He finds Lady Penelope still cradling Gordon’s head and to his relief his brother is awake.

“V-V-Virdy” Gordon stutters his whole body is shaking with the cold.

“No don’t speak, I will have you out of here and nice and warm and toasty soon just don’t move okay fish”

“Okay I w-w-won’t. Want to be e-e-eaten by a s-s-shark” Gordon mumbles, his eyes are glassy and unfocused.

Scott climbs out of the mole and starts to pull out a foldable stretcher. “Okay Fish you need to keep as still as possible, but this is going to hurt a lot” Scott tells him, as he slides the two halves into position under his body and clips them into position, apologising when Gordon lets out low painful moans as his feels his big brother manoeuvre his arms and legs before strapping him into place, leaving him feeling like he is in a straight jacket “Ready?” he asks but doesn’t give him time to answer as he nods to Virgil and they both pick up either end of the stretcher and place it on the flatbed attachment to the mole and lower the cover to keep him safe before they turn around and leave the cave which so very nearly became their tomb.

*TB*

“Jeff, they’re all going to be fine. Gordon is made from steel and you know he has been through worse. Stop fretting, Scott, John and Virgil know what they are doing” Grandma tells him, having watched her son pace the living room in frustration at not being able to help for the last hour. She too is terrified that something awful has happened, the longer the communications remain stoically silent.

“Why did I let him go? I should have known agreeing to let him go on that double date would end in disaster, from now on no dating off the island” Jeff decrees.

“But dad, I don’t even have a girlfriend how can I meet someone if I am not allowed of the Island?” Alan asks.

Jeff pauses his pacing and turns to look at his youngest son. “You are far too young to worry about that, you’re only eight”

Alan splutters indignantly. “Dad I am nineteen!” he reminds him.

Jeff is stopped from any further “decrees” when Virgil calls in. “Virgil, finally.”

“We have them dad, we are heading back to the Island. Prepare the sick bay” is all Virgil says before ringing off.

“You heard your brother, go” Jeff demands on Alan who scarpers from the room followed by both his father and Grandmother.

*TB*

Twenty-four hours later Gordon is sitting up in his bed propped up on several large white fluffy pillows, but he is in no pain thanks to a steady drip of morphine trickling into his arm. All four of his brothers are sitting in armchairs around him. there is a thick white bandage wrapped around his head, and he has been expertly stitched by Virgil and Grandma.

“Is this the first time I have fractured my skull?” he asks Virgil.

“Yeah, but it is not your first concussion so you young man will be remaining in that bed until I am satisfied that you are okay” it is grandma who answers him.

Gordon pouts briefly before he brightens up again as his sunny personality never allows him to remain down for long. “Can Penny stay with me?” he asks hopefully.

“You did say no more off the island dating dad” Alan reminds him.

Jeff eyes up his two youngest who are both giggling. “Sure, but you aren’t staying in the same room!”

“That’s okay we will just sleep in the cave in the cliff edge!” Gordon replies grinning as all four of his brothers simultaneously give him a face palm.

“I think on that note, we will let you get some rest” Grandma says herding his brothers out and leaving him alone where he snuggles down under the blanket and lets out a large yawn, the deep fatigue he has felt for the last day is bone deep and he can’t keep his eyes open for long.

Out in the sun Lady Penelope is sitting by the pool with Ridley, the small cut above her eyebrow has been covered with a plaster with dinosaurs on, which were chosen by Alan. “No offense Ridley, but I am never double dating with you and John ever again!”

[lollercakesff]

It’s Sticky

A fic for @fulcrumstardust​ and her slime prompt.  Rated: Explicit Word Count: 5,200

“I just - I don’t understand the pleasure in it,” Cassian’s voice, distinctive but muffled by the thin dorm walls, makes Jyn look up from her coding homework and focus her attention on the conversation filtering through the vent overhead.

Kay, the student who lived next door to her dorm room, had introduced them passively after Cassian had tried to be the good friend and return the drunken man to her room after one too many drinks a few weeks ago. Apologetic, he’d dragged Kay down the hall one more door and cursed when he’d discovered the man had lost his keys.

“Let me,” Jyn states, watching the struggle and trying to disguise her laughter as Cassian swears a string of expletives in Spanish. She ducks back into her room for a moment before returning to the hallway with a sock in hand.

“I don’t think that’ll solve his lost keys problem,” Cassian grumbles, desperately trying to steady Kay against the wall.

“It’s what’s in the sock,” Jyn returns and stuffs her hand inside. When she pulls it back out, Cassian frowns at the bits of metal with confusion.

“Hair pins?" 

Jyn shakes her head. "Lock picks. Move over a bit,” she orders and then begins fiddling with the lock. Cassian’s just about to tell her not to bother when she hears the click of the lock and the door pops open an inch. “Got it.”

“Where’d you - pendejo, por favor,” he grunts and counters the tall man’s tipping weight with his own to keep him from crumbling to the floor.

“I’ll let you get him to bed,” Jyn whispers and Kay chooses that moment to swing his hand between them.

“Cassian Andor - Jyn Erso. She’s chaos. Don’t engage her,” Kay warns and Cassian snorts.

“Yeah well, she might be chaos but she just saved your ass so be less of a dick about it. Thanks - I gotta get him inside - ”

“Yeah. No problem. Night,” Jyn bids and disappears back into her room, ignoring the struggle happening through the wall with a half-smile on her face.

Since that night, she’d tried to keep her ears from popping up whenever she managed to discern his accent through the walls but she was losing the battle. Big time. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Cassian was attractive - even when flushed from the drink - and Jyn had kept an eye out for him as the pair moved through the halls and elevators of the dorm ever since. Even though he was good looking, and even though his voice made her insides tighten, she’d tried not to interject herself into their path because the banality of Kay’s conversation was not worth a passing acknowledgement from his friend, no matter how good his gaze felt grazing over her skin.

And she’d felt it, no lie about it. She’d felt it quite a bit.

Tonight though, her coding project just wasn’t working and she was desperate for a distraction. So eavesdropping it was.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Kay returns evenly and Cassian snorts.

“It doesn’t feel natural. It’s too… Moist, or something.”

“It’s the most natural thing in the world. I don’t understand why you don’t like it. Is it the texture?”

“No, I mean, it’s soft and weirdly warm - ” Jyn nearly chokes, trying to discern just what they were talking about. Pleasure, moist, warm… her cheeks heated. Surely that’s not - “ - but it’s also slippery. It’s weird - ”

“That’s how it’s supposed to be,” Kay scolds. “How do you not know how to describe it? You’ve touched enough by now - you’re no virgin!" 

Cassian laughs, a deep belly laugh, and Jyn widens her eyes in silent surprise. Were they really talking about this? What was it, a rating game for pussy? If it was, she was pretty sure she did not need to be listening to this. The last thing she needed was to picture Cassian - or worse, Kay - evaluating women’s vaginas.

"But the folds of it. It’s almost ridiculously designed. Like, why have it look like that and feel like that? What’s the point?”

“Because it’s fun. Have you ever watched it up close on camera? People love the way it shines when it’s wet. And if you stick your fingers in it then it starts to get more slick.”

“That’s fucking gross, Kay,” Cassian chuckles. “Look, I get it, but you know other people are wanting to shove other things in it?”

“Now who’s being gross?” Kay grumbles, disappointed.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the desire to touch it like everyone else. It’s messy and if you do it wrong it can get really sticky and that’s just not my thing.”

“Fine. I’ll have to find someone else to compare them with.”

Jyn couldn’t handle it anymore, her whole body flushing with the words. She couldn’t believe they were talking about this - about putting it on camera, no less. And things being sticky. Like, what? She hadn’t pictured Kay the type to disparage women’s bodies - hell, she had assumed he’d never even been with a woman - but here they were talking about how gross they were. And Cassian… though she barely knew him, the idea of it still stung. He’d seemed nice enough but now that she knew he was going to discuss her labia in detail with Kay, suddenly the idea of returning those subtle half-smiles and appraising glances was not as tempting.

Sighing, Jyn turns back to her project and leans her head in her hands, miserable and annoyed with how the evening had turned.

———-

A month passes and Jyn keeps her head down, awkwardly trying to avoid Kay and Cassian whenever she sees them in the building. It’s hard - they seem to be everywhere - but eventually she runs into him and can’t escape during a floor party right before the Reading Week break. 

“Mind if I sit here?” Cassian says, pointing to the vacant seat beside her. Jyn looks around at the others and finds no saviours, shrugging in acquiesce towards him. “Thanks. How’s it going?" 

"Peachy,” Jyn replies and takes a gulp of her drink, cringing as the vodka stings the back of her throat. 

“Same. I haven’t seen you around lately. Were your midterms killer? I near drowned under all of the papers I needed to write.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” He gives her a pointed look and raises his glass to his lips, letting the silence stretch between them. 

She debates getting up, abandoning her prime people-watching spot on the couch, before one of the bros from down the hall stumbles down onto the other side of her, his body knocking into her arm and spilling her drink all down her front.

“Mother fucker,” Jyn groans, pulling the wet fabric from her chest. Beside her, Cassian curses and it’s then she sees that the impact has cascaded to him as well, his blue drink soiling his shirt and pants.

“I concur,” he growls and reaches across her to push the kid away. When the bro looks back to challenge her, Cassian lifts up his finger and wags it sharply, puffing himself up and intimidating the kid with just one look. Within seconds they’re left sitting on the couch in a wet mess of vodka and Kool-aid mix.

“Sorry - I didn’t mean to knock your drink too,” she mumbles, getting to her feet. Cassian follows and tosses his cup towards the trash, sighing.

“Not your fault. Just means I gotta head home early.”

“Can’t Kay get you a new shirt?” She questions and the laughs.

“He’s filming something in his room. There’s no way I’m interrupting that,” he adds. 

“Alright well - I could give you one of my brother’s sweaters. He leaves them here all the time. It would at least get you home?” She offers with a tentative smile. Cassian brightens, his brow rising in surprise.

“That would be great. If you don’t mind,” he says with a grin. Jyn nods and tucks her chin, motioning out of the common area and towards her room.

Minutes later and they’re standing in her small space, Cassian’s eyes scanning the bedroom with a calm interest. She busies herself digging through her closet and pulling out some of Bodhi’s larger sweaters before handing them to Cassian. Next, she turns to her dresser and pulls out one of her old t-shirts, turning back to face him. The move catches him shirtless, her mouth going dry as she takes in his exposed skin, thin torso and lithe muscles. 

“Sorry!” She squeaks, twisting back to face the wall quickly.

“It’s no big deal,” he mumbles as he pulls the fabric over his head. She spares one last glance at his disappearing ‘V’ before she hurries and tears her shirt off to replace it with the new one. In another second she’s unclasping her stained bra and pulling it through the sleeves, tossing it into the laundry hamper near her bed. When she turns back around to face him, she finds Cassian staring at her, his cheeks flushed and his knuckles white as they grasp the fabric in his hands. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to - It’s just - ”

“Nothing I didn’t already see on you,” she manages softly. Their eyes lock and she swallows, the spark from their initial meetings rekindling into a bonfire.

No. Remember what he said! Her brain screams, recalling the overheard conversation and how disgusted he’d been by the women he’d been with.

“Did you maybe, um, want to go get something to eat?” He asks after a drawn out second, hands on his hips. Jyn swallows and clenches her hands together before wrapping her arms around herself.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” she answers. Cassian’s hopeful expression dims and he nods, stepping towards the door.

“Alright. No worries, I get it." 

"It’s just,” she pauses, turning around to look at him as he reaches for the door handle. “I heard you and Kay a few weeks ago and I’m not comfortable being one of the conquests you seem to find so disgusting. And I’m definitely not into the taping thing so…”

“Excuse me, but what?” He nearly chokes on the words, his face paling. “What conversation are you talking about?”

“The one where you were grossed out by women’s genitals. You said they were weird and you guys were having a pretty good laugh over it - ”

“Jyn - I don’t know what you think you heard, but that definitely wasn’t it. I’ve never - not once in my life - discussed sex with Kay. If you haven’t noticed already, he’s a bit tough to have those types of conversations with - ”

“But you said he was filming - ”

“He makes YouTube videos. Slime ones. He makes me test out all of the different types and they’re pretty disgusting - ”

“Slime?” Jyn breaks in, confusion filling her brow. Cassian laughs and pulls out his phone, toggling the screen through search and the apps before he pulls up a video.

The screen fills with Kay in a faux laboratory, the video walking through quick steps on how to make the newest batch before he runs the audience through a variety of displays. She remembers watching a video like this before, on another app, and being engrossed in the way the slime moved and shined like a liquid that somehow existed at the same time as a solid.

“So you guys were talking about slime, not WAP?” Jyn jokes, glancing up at Cassian who somehow manages to turn an even more vibrant shade of red. 

“Yes." 

"Which means you don’t find, er, sex with women gross after all?" 

"Do you think I’d be in here trying to ask you out if I did?” He counters to her nervous laugh. Cassian grins down at her, his eyes sparkling in the low light. 

“Right. That means you’re not weirded out if I do this?” She asks and reaches up on her toes to brush her lips against his. He freezes for a moment, unresponsive, before suddenly he’s reaching his hands out to grab her waist, one hand lifting up to cup her chin.

Jyn groans because she can’t handle his returning enthusiasm, his tongue grazing the seam of her lips and slipping inside. The whole kiss catches her off guard with how good it is, his chest pressing into hers and his teeth nipping gently when she has to break away to gasp for breath.

“And to think I almost kicked you out,” she says against his lips, her breath heaving as his body shakes with laughter in her arms. 

“I can’t believe you thought we were talking about that,” he replies. Jyn shrugs and meets his gaze with her own. 

“I only caught bits of it. The walls are pretty thin, you know. It’s easy to think you’re hearing one thing when you’re not.” 

“Really? So if we - and not saying we need to - but if we got up to anything, your neighbours would probably hear it?” He counters thoughtfully, his thumbs grazing the skin of her hip from where her shirt has ridden up. 

“There’s a pretty good chance Kay would definitely hear,” she states and lets her nails graze through the hair at the nape of his neck. His eyes alight and she thinks she’s definitely never felt a warmth like this spread through her, the burn of want flaring up in her belly. Stars, how was he this attractive? 

“Would you, perhaps one day, want to test that theory?” He whispers, his voice cracking almost like he wasn’t sure he could get away with asking it. Jyn grins like a cheshire cat back at him and raises a brow. 

“Could that one day be now? I’m still not 100% sure I believe that you weren’t talking about women’s bits,” she jokes. Her gaze catches the visible swallow, his adam’s apple bobbing and his fingers tensing against her skin before his thumbs slip into the band of her pants. 

“Well, I’ll just have to prove it to you,” he replies and ducks his head to kiss her once more. 

The kiss is intense, his mouth exploring hers as he guides them across the room until her back is pressed against the wood of the door. She drops a hand to the lock and flicks it closed as Cassian lets a small approving sound escape his throat. In another second he’s reaching for her knee, pulling her leg up to wrap around his hip so he can grind himself against her. The angle is awkward, just missing contact where she wants him most, and so she wraps her arms around his neck and drags him close enough to pin her so that she can lift her other leg and not fall to the floor. 

“Mierda,” he hisses, dropping his hands to her ass to more fully support her. She gasps into his mouth and tangles her fingers in his hair, nipping her way along his chin to his ear and neck. Cursing into her skin, Cassian squeezes her butt and backs away from the door, walking determinedly towards the bed and dropping her onto it. 

Together, they tear the clothes from their bodies in a rush, shirts and pants thrown to the floor until they’re clad only in their underwear. Jyn lay sprawled across her mattress as Cassian stands at the foot of her bed, his gaze appraising. 

“How could I find someone like you unappealing?” He murmurs thoughtfully, pausing as she sits up on her forearms to look at him, naked from the waist up. 

“A lot of guys do. They’re so focused on their own enjoyment that they won’t even bother to give any effort. You wouldn’t be the first - “ 

“Well, I’m not them. May I?” He asks softly, reaching his fingers into the elastic of her underwear. Brows furrowing, Jyn meets his gaze head on. 

“You don’t have to. I mean, I’m clean and everything so if you want, I’d be okay with just a good dicking down,” she counters on a false laugh, knowing perfectly well how college hook-ups were supposed to go. She wouldn’t hold it against him if he was only interested in getting his dick wet - he wouldn’t be the first and he wouldn’t be the last to disappoint her, she was used to it by now. 

“I’m clean too. I wouldn’t be okay with it though - I don’t want to just use you like that. But I won’t force you if you don’t want - “ 

“Oh,” she pauses, confused by his sincerity and the burning look in his eyes. He looked thirsty, like a man finding an oasis in the desert. “I mean, I won’t tell you not to, if you want to, that is. But you don’t have to is what I’m saying.” 

“I’ll be clear then - I want to go down on you. I want to taste you,” he adds and the rasp in his voice makes her believe it more than anything else in this world. She feels herself get even wetter, if that was even possible, as he watches her slow nod of disbelief. Dragging his knuckles along her legs, Jyn helps him discard the underwear before she moves to climb back further on the mattress. He shakes his head and tugs her knees, pulling her to the edge of the bed before settling down before her. “If you want me to stop at any point, just say the word. Don’t be afraid to show me what you like - I’m an honour student. I learn quickly,” he adds and Jyn can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes her at his words. 

“Of course you are,” she manages and she’s about to follow it up with another quip but is cut short by his mouth between her legs, his nose bumping against her clit and his tongue - gods, his tongue - dipping and licking at her folds. She nearly chokes as the feel of it burns through her, her brain shorting out as he moves and experiments with his strokes. 

She never - well, not never - but never this good - has had a man go down on her with such gusto. His attention to detail - the way he returns to the best spot after listening to her moans - and the way he holds her hips to keep her from rolling away from him when it becomes almost too much makes her see stars and she quickly finds herself racing towards the precipice. Her nails dig into his wrists, her knees tightening against his shoulders, as he runs her up one side of the mountain before guiding her slowly back down. When his fingers join his mouth she almost screams, the way he presses against a spot inside her making dots appear in her vision. It feels too good, so insanely good, that she can’t help tipping over the edge and curling into herself as he drags out her orgasm for another drawn minute.

“Fucking hell,” she growls, her throat raw and her body mush as his lips press kisses across her thighs, over her hip bone and across her stomach. 

“Do you still think I find women’s genitals gross?” He asks softly, glancing up towards her with a quirk in his brow. 

“Was all that just to prove me wrong?” She counters, challenging him lowly and keeping her eyes closed as the last jolts of her release roll through her. 

“I said I was going to, didn’t I?” He chuckles. 

Jyn shakes her head and reaches for him, hands grappling at his shoulders and tugging him upwards. He goes slowly, his mouth trailing across her skin and leaving gooseflesh in its wake. It’s almost too slow, she thinks, as he finally reaches her chest and mouths at her breast, the twinge of it flashing hot and sharp between her legs. He was going to kill her with his attention. She was going to die and he was going to ruin every man for her after this. 

Unless… She runs her fingers through his hair as he draws her nipple into his mouth, her fist clenching as he gently bites it then laves it with his tongue. The sensation makes her body hum and she turns the tables on him, pulling his hair and rolling her hips to force him onto his back. It seems to catch him off guard and he looks up at her with wide eyes, his lips turning up in the hint of a dangerous smile. Straddling his waist, Jyn runs her hands over his chest to push him flat onto his back, her head cocking to the side as she evaluates him. 

“Is it my turn now?” She murmurs, nails grazing the hair on his chest and following the trail down to the crux of his hips. 

“Be my guest,” he answers gruffly to her returning smirk. 

Not wanting to delay any further, she snakes her way down his torso, her mouth dragging across his skin until she’s kneeling at the edge of the bed. She makes quick work of releasing his length from his boxers, tossing the fabric to the side and palming him with her hand. His hips buck up into her grip and she gives him a slight squeeze, revelling in the way his breathing skips a beat. 

“This okay?” She asks, running her hand up and down his shaft. Her breath coasts over his skin and he groans, his fingers wrapping around her wrist. 

“I won’t last long if you’re not careful,” he breathes tightly. 

“S’okay. I like the challenge.” He hums his response and she dips her head to take him in her mouth, his frame practically vibrating below her. Small beads of pre-cum spill from his tip and she lets her tongue dart out to grab them, the taste of him causing a thrill to run through her. Was this what he felt only moments ago? No wonder he’d been so enthusiastic - the power and the desire of it was near throwing her brain into overdrive. 

Continuing on her efforts, Jyn moves her mouth and hand in tandem for another few moments, listening for his cues and reacting to the approving little groans and the tightening of his fingers in her hair. Just when she thinks she’s found the best pattern, his hand drops from her hair to his length and he squeezes his fingers around his base, his other hand guiding her face back away from him. 

“Did I - ?” She asks, looking up at him as he clenches his eyes shut. 

“No,” he grunts, breathing deep gulps of air into his lungs. “Too good. I almost came.” 

“Oh,” she whispers, trying to hide her satisfied smile. “I wouldn’t have minded if you - “ 

“Don’t say it. I’m trying not to cum and if you finish that sentence I’m not sure I can hold it together and fuck you like I want to,” he grumbles and Jyn nearly laughs, holding her breath and pulling back and away from him so she can lay beside him as he fights his way back from the edge. 

“Well, how do you usually calm yourself down? Should I talk about Kay? Or the slime? Would that help?” She asks, running her hand across his chest. He shakes his head and releases his cock from his grip, his eyes turning to look over at her. 

“I don’t want to back off that much,” he replies evenly, his breathing still heavy as his gaze flickers over her. She smiles softly then, appreciating the heat in his expression and the tenderness that seems to hide in the crinkles of his eyes. She could get lost in him, if she wasn’t smart about it. 

“Cassian,” she starts, measuring her words as his body slowly relaxes next to her. 

“Yeah?” His voice is gravelly and it sends small bursts of want to her core, her hand slowly drifting back down his belly. 

“Can I fuck you now, or do you want - “ 

“Jesus, Jyn,” he responds and reaches for her, hands desperate as he pulls her to his chest and his lips find hers. The kiss is bruising but she lives for it, giving as good as she gets as she throws a leg over his hips and straddles him once more. She pulls away to reach for her drawer, stretching and trying to focus on grabbing a condom as he sucks her nipple into his mouth. The pressure is thoroughly distracting and when she settles back on her knees she barely has time to reset herself and open the packet before his fingers are circling her clit. It feels too good and she crumples forward, her forehead resting against his chest as he dips a finger inside her. “You’re so wet for me already. I love feeling how turned on you are. It’s nothing like the slime that - “

“I swear to god, Cassian,” she grumbles, laughing and pulling back to catch the grin on his lips. She reclaims his mouth for a kiss and in her distraction he grabs the packet from her fist and tears it open, rolling the rubber down his length in one smooth motion. 

One second she’s sitting atop him, the next she’s swung onto her back, his body trapping her against the bed as he settles between her thighs. She can’t stop kissing him. Won’t. Not as he slides his length against her slit, not as his palm runs up beneath her knee, guiding her open for him. When he presses into her, bit-by-fatally-slow-bit, she finally breaks and cries out, clinging to his shoulders and gasping against his neck. 

“Fuck,” he hisses when he’s finally buried deep within her, his breath panting into her shoulder. “You feel so fucking good.” She nods because forming words is impossible. Instead, she rocks her hips up and feels him stutter and clench his hands, his forehead pressing against hers. “Give me a second, por favor.” She nods because she needs it to, her body slowly adjusting to the size of him within her walls. 

Eventually, he does start to move and Jyn feels herself tumbling, head over heels down into pure lust for him. Her mouth barely leaves his skin and her heart races, desperate to keep up as he begins to thrust earnestly into her. Each collision leaves her breathless, her body on fire as he rests her leg in the crux of his elbow. Sweat prickles at their brows and when he falters, his throat releasing a small sound, Jyn only holds onto him tighter as his pace picks up. She is right there on the edge of her orgasm when he cries out, a guttural sound that has him pushing himself in to his hilt, his arms desperately grasping at her and pulling her close. He cums with his mouth on her throat, one hand in her hair and the other wrapped around her shoulder, holding her to him. 

She’d been so close. 

So fucking close. 

The disappointment starts to flicker to life but is quickly stomped out when his hips jerk and his mouth moves up her neck to her lips, the deep kiss joined by a shift in his body. His hand drops from her shoulder to between their frames, easing its way down until his fingers are sliding against where they’re joined and then working back up to her clit. He circles her once and she keens, exploding back to life as her release comes back into reach. Rotating her hips up, Jyn writhes herself against him, riding what remains of his erection and his hand, desperately seeking the relief he is determined to give her. When she falls apart again it’s with a sharp yelp, the orgasm slamming into her and causing her to clench around his softening length. He slips out just as her body is relaxing back into the bed, boneless and spent, before he flops down next to her. 

Together they lay in exhausted silence, their breaths slowly easing and their flushed, sweaty skin drying in the cool air of the room as they both stare at the ceiling. 

“So,” Jyn says after her heart rate has once again returned to normal. “Was I better than slime? Or is that still your preferred method of getting off?” 

“I’m pretty sure we determined early on in this conversation that slime is not something I’m into,” he chides in return, glancing towards her. She’s just about to make a quip about it when his phone buzzes, his brow raising in challenge. “What do you want to bet that’s Kay right now?” 

“He wouldn’t - what did you tell him?” Jyn asks sharply, sitting up and looking at him with a terrified expression. 

“Nothing! I just asked him to keep an eye out if you were dating anyone. He’s probably texting me to complain about all the noise you just made - “ She slaps his chest and he laughs, grabbing her hand and holding it. “ - And how you ruined his video. I’ll have to get you a copy of the b-roll, just to see how thin these walls actually are.” 

“I don’t - if I was dating anyone? Why would you want him to spy on me?” 

“It wasn’t spying, per se. But if you were happily with some other guy, well, I wasn’t going to make it awkward for you where you live by asking you out. Figured if he did a bit of recon first we could all avoid the situation.” 

“Okay, fair. Get your phone - I want to see our review,” Jyn urges and Cassian laughs, rolling to the edge of the bed and grabbing for his pants. He pulls out his phone and plants his feet on the ground, opening the screen to the message which is indeed from Kay. 

She’s loud and inconsiderate of others. I stand by my earlier assertion that she’s chaos. You really shouldn’t have slept with her - Kay, 10:28pm 

Jyn snorts as she reads the message over his shoulder, resting her chin on his collar.  “Looks like he knew it was you in here, Hot Stuff. Do you have a secret tell that gives you away that maybe I missed?” 

I can hear you. Please try to be more considerate of your neighbours, Jyn Erso - Kay, 10:30pm

“I’m definitely going to get that b-roll footage,” Cassian whispers and turns to look at her, a wide smile on his face. Jyn can’t stop the thought that his smile was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, her heart hammering in her chest as he twists to capture her lips once more. When he draws back this time it’s almost reluctant, his fingers grazing her cheek slowly before dropping to his lap. “Can I interest you in some food now? My treat?” 

“Didn’t you already eat?” She counters with a raised brow. Cassian laughs and gets to his feet, pulling her up into his arms. 

“Yeah, but that was soul food. Now I need actual food,” he responds and Jyn nearly misses a step, the goofy smile on her face at his words spreading as she thinks about what he’s said. 

Good sex and a decent guy? She could get used to this. 

[harryhooksgazebos267]

Broken Trust~ Part Five

Paring: Bang Chan x reader; Mark Tuan x reader(arranged marriage)

Genre: Mafia au, angst, little bit of everything honestly

Warnings: Cursing, mafia life and shizzle

MASTERLIST

“Y/n.”

........

“Y/nnnnnnn”

.........

“Maybe she’s dead?”

“Jisung shut the fuck up, why are you even here?”

“Hey don’t talk to my Jisung like that!”

“You can shut the fuck up too hoe.”

“Changbin, Jisung, and Minho will the three of you stop acting like children? You guys shouldn’t even be here.”

“Ah Chan losen up a bit, we’re just messing around. Right guys,” Jisung said while pulling Changbin into a choke hold.

“What did I just say? Now leave!”

“But she could wake up any minute and we-“

“I said leave!”

With a sigh, all three boys left reluctantly. Muttering out smart remarks and little complaints. Chan sat down in a chair that was infront of yours. You currently were knocked out and tied to chair in Stray Kids basement.

“I swear, one of these days I’m gonna kill one of them,” he mumbled to himself while rubbing his head. He loved all of his main members but goddamn they got on his nerves sometimes. All of a sudden, you began to stir.

“Ah so the princess is finally waking up,” he thought to himself as he sat up straight in his chair, leaning forward a little.

Your head was beating heavily and your mind was foggy. You couldn’t quite remember what had happened before you woke up and your state of confusion was obvious. You see, Chan had set the chair up where he was in the dark so that you wouldn’t immediately see him. Was it extra? Yes but in his mind it was kind of badass.

“Where the fuck am I?” You whispered to yourself as you began to look around at the unfamiliar room.

“Isn’t it obvious where you’re at?” A voice suddenly boomed out which you recognized right away. Everything began to come back to you.

“Chan,” you hissed out as his figure stalked towards you.

“The one and only”, he mocked which caused you to roll your eyes.

“Why am I here?”

“Ah come on y/n, I know you’re a smart girl! You know why you’re here. Why don’t we talk about something else, something far more interesting.”

“Whatever, I don’t know why I’m here but pop off I guess.”

Chan’s jaw clenched at that.

“Moving on, I want to make a deal with you. I believe it’ll be beneficial to both parties.”

“I’m listening I guess.”

“You see, I have very good sources in JYP that have been extremely useful and helpful to my, no, Stray Kids plans. However, there are some missing pieces that I’m almost positive you have. If you were to cooperate 100% and the information you give us is accurate, I promise you I’ll-“

Chan’s speech was cut off by a hiccup.

“Yo that’s so damn embarrassing,” you laugh out as his cheeks turn a light shade of red.

“Hey it’s not *hiccup* funny.”

“Bro you cannot tell me that isn’t funny. “Oh I’m the king of serious and I’m getting down to business but oh no my long important speech that I’ve been planing for years gets cut off by a tiny little hiccup”. Seriously, you don’t find that a little funny?”

At this point you were in tears laughing so hard. Was it really that funny? No but in stressful, serious situations, everything is 100000% funnier.

“Stop laughing, it’s not even that funny,” he said while lowkey trying not to laugh at the situation. You were right, it was kind of funny. If he was in your shoes he would be laughing to.

“Okay, okay I’m done. Woo my stomach hurts. Anyway; carry on with your monologue.”

“As I was saying, if you can give me reliable information, I’ll let you go. No harm will come to you and everyone wins in the end.”

“You can’t be serious? Everyone wins in the end?”

“Yes, everyone does. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I’m not going to turn on my future father-in-laws mafia. That doesn’t even make sense Chan.”

He paused for a moment, deep in thought.

“When are you getting married?” He suddenly asked, catching you off guard.

“Well that was random.”

“Just answer the question, I don’t need your commentary.”

You let out a loud breath as you looked away from him.

“Does it even matter? I don’t get why you wanna know.”

Chan stayed silent at that.

“Well if really want to know, our fathers haven’t selected an exact date. They’re thinking sometime in early October.”

“Oh happy birthday to me,” he laughed out bitterly while shaking his head.

You didn’t really know what to say. If you had it your way, you wouldn’t even be marrying Mark.

“Do you love him?” Chan tried to ask nonchalantly but you could tell it bothered him to ask.

“I....I don’t know. I mean he’s not hard on the eyes and deep down I know he cares for me but sometimes he-“

“Cares for you? He doesn’t care for you! None of them do! They’re all selfish, greedy men who will do anything in their power to do what’s best for themselves. They would kill you in the blink of an eye if they thought it would get them further in life,” he yelled.

“Oh what and you’re any better? You’re just as bad as them!”

“I am nothing close to being like those assholes!”

“You’re apart of the mafia, what do you mean you’re not close to being like them? And are you just gonna ignore what you did to me? You left me. For two fucking years you left me. Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep, thinking the guy that I loved was dead? Then suddenly you just decide to come back like it’s no big fucking deal, kidnap me, then have the nerve to tell me that Mark doesn’t care for me when you haven’t been here. What would you even know? Just because he doesn’t always say it, doesn’t mean he’s a selfish prick who wouldn’t care if I lived or died. So don’t act like you know everything.”

“Why are you defending him when you don’t even love him?”

“I never said I don’t love him.”

“You just said you didn’t know!”

“But I never said I don’t!”

Chan and you were both breathing hard as your tempers began to rise.

“Did you ever even love me?” Chan asked with a look of disgust on his face.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I did! I was going to marry you, why the fuck would I agree to that if I didn’t love you?”

Chan began to pace back and forth while rubbing his face in his hands.

“I guess it was one sided though,” You muttered out causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

“What did you just say?” He questioned in a low voice.

“You heard me, why should I repeat myself?”

“You know what, maybe it was one sided but I sure as hell wasn’t the one who didn’t love the other one. I wasn’t the one who went and got engaged the second the other person was out of the picture.”

“What the hell are you talking about? First of all, you’re acting like it was my choice when it wasn’t. Second of all, we literally didn’t get engaged until this year. You couldn’t have expected me to stay single for the rest of my life Chan, I thought you were dead. And you know what, speaking of being dead, I wasn’t the one who faked their own damn death!”

“The only reason I faked my death was because of you!”

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. Why would he fake his death because of you?

“What?”

“Whatever, I don’t want to have this conversation anymore,” he huffed out while moving his chair from the dark into the dim lighting and sat right in front of you.

“You can’t just say that and not elaborate on what you mean!”

“Trust me, we’ll have plenty of time to talk about that but today isn’t that day.”

“But-“

“Enough y/n, I’m not going to say what you want to hear so just drop it.”

You both sat in silence for a bit, the weight of the argument taking a toll on the both of you.

“Now, back to what we were discussing before. What I had in mind is, you could call Mark and tell him that we asked you to join Stray Kids. Just make up some story that I still love you and want to be with you blah blah, you get the point. So then you tell him that you agreed but in reality it’s just an act and you’re trying to get information out of us and you’ll report back to them with made up shit. I was thinking you could also talk to Red Velvet, Twice, GOT7, NCT, whoever you want and try to get information out of them but casually, you know? Like hey ummmm Sana, how’s it going? Oh, you plan on doing this super secret mission to get some super secret information? Oh cool, I will do nothing with this news and I sure won’t tell Stray Kids any of this teehee.”

“Teehee? Really?”

“That’s not the point. The point is you give them fake information, they give you real stuff in return, I don’t kill you, and everyone wins. I think it’s a great plan,” he stated with a shrug.

“Right yeah no I still don’t get how I win in this situation.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me leaving.”

“Wait are you serious?” You asked as you tried to lean forward, forgetting your arms were tied behind your back.

“Yeah I guess but I won’t answer them all at once and I don’t plan on exposing anything juicy just yet. Patient is a virtue,” he joked with a wink.

“You’re so damn weird. You were just breathing heavy like a bull who saw red and now you’re cracking jokes?”

Chan just gave you a little shrug.

“So, do we have a deal or not?”

TAG LIST (feel free to send me an ask if you would like to be added to the tag list or if you would like me to send a private message everytime I update <3): @elenaramos1​

Part six

MASTERLIST

[zombiekillerky]

{TMNT 2003 Fanfic} - Rage Quit

( WARNING : This is not Turtle x Turtle related at all, this is purely just some family scenarios with no relationships at all what’s so ever. Just regular day in the life turtle stuff)

Mostly all of his brother's couldn't stand Mikey's attention span when it came to video games and training. He would always pass up on it to play a couple of rounds which turned in to hours if he didn't pay enough attention to the time. They wouldn't say they were jealous since they played every once in a while too with him. But they always wondered why he liked them so much over anything else sometimes. Leo liked training and meditating, Raph liked working out and working on his bike or vehicles and Donnie liked creating and fixing things in his lab. This was just Mikey's hobby compared to his brother's, something that made the time go by really quickly. It kept his imagination alive and well compared to his brother's from what he has noticed over the years.

Yet as they watched him play, fighting off the evil monsters inside of his game they became more interested and curious as time went on. After training they would always watch him continue to play. Even debating on getting him his own TV so they could have their's back for once during the afternoon. Raph stared as he sipped some of his pop from his can, Leo and Donnie were out in his lab discussing over what new things and upgrades they should add to the Turtle van. He stared at his brother on the floor. Moving his head and leaning his body from side to side like it would help him win they game for some reason. His brother moved closer and closer to the TV, leaning forward as he got more in to it. The hot head had finally had enough of watching, walking in to the living room and grabbed a controller from the box beside the TV. His younger brother paused the game and smiled wider then before as his brother took a spot beside him on the floor.

"You really wanna play Raphie?"

"Yeah I want to know why you are so obsessed over this damn shit" Raph replied, making it seem like he didn't want to play for just fun. But this made his brother happy anyway to have him play with him, Mikey smiled as he unpaused the game and went back to the main menu. Switching the game over to multiplayer as soon as he could. They watched the quick cut scene and were thrown in to the game immediately. Mikey was going on and on explaining on how the strategy is with the game they were playing. With the game mode they had to try and kill each other with other monsters attacking them. But Raph only tuned out some of his words as he continued to mash buttons with his attacks. Knocking at least half of MIkey's health off and continued to try and fight him even though his stamina was low that his character had. He heard Mikey's chuckle beside him, soon getting hit with the monsters he was supposed to keep away from him. Raph yelled in rage as His health was around the same as Mikey's. His younger brother had the most stupidest look on his face as he continued to kill the monsters on all sides. The look just made Raphael more and more furious with him. Getting a few hits on Raph as he continued to try and regain his stamina to hit Mikey in front of him.

"How the hell are you keeping up your health Mikey!"

"It's called playing smart bro, you should try it some time, it would make up for how ugly you are" Mikey replied with a laugh, not even realizing that his older brother was getting hits on him even though the monsters were coming around them both. Raph started to smirk slyly as he got more hits on his brother. But his face soon fell to the Player 1 wins on the screen, he neglected the fact that monsters were attacking him and taking his health away. You shook his head as he yelled with a frustrated expression on his face.

"You cheated Didn't you shell for brains!"

"Why would I cheat bro, I'm just a master at this game Raph. Maybe if you played more you would understand how to play" Raph stood up from his spot on the ground with anger and grabbed his can beside him. Seeing his brother's smiling behind him on the couch, they both didn't even know they were behind them watching them play the game. He shook his head as he pushed Leo over and sat down on the couch in his spot. Resisting the fact he wanted to break his younger brother's game system over that game from what he said. He didn't even show him how to play, that was already unfair on his part completely.

"Rage quit Raph?"

"Shut up fearless, you try playing against that little weasel over there that doesn't tell you how to play" Raph replied as he finished his drink and smashed the can against his head before throwing it in the trash can with ease. Leo let out a laugh as he officially stood up off the couch and took Raph's spot on the ground. Taking the challenge of defeating his brother in his game he loved. Mikey's eyes lit up as Leo sat down and took the controller that Raph threw.

"Challenge excepted baby bro" Leo said calmly as MIkey fixed his position on the ground and restarted the game. Leo had some insight on how the game was played from watching his brothers play just then. Keeping a plan inside of his head as to how to defeat his brother at his games. Raph nudged Donnie's shoulder slightly, getting his brother's attention just to roll his eyes and point at Leo. He made the purple masked wearing turtle smile slightly as he rolled his eyes as well. That's when they started to play and the two on the couch took some notes on the game too. Leo tried his best to keep his strategy up, taking a couple shots at Mikey before shooting the monsters behind him. It seemed to be working for a while at the rate he was going, taking some of his health off and depending on the monsters to take more off of him. But to his surprise Mikey was taking more and more of his health off at times. He was just going at it and trusting his gut with his moves. Leo stared wide eyed at the screen when it said Player 1 Wins across it. Leo clenched his fists as he heard his brother laughing beside him, doing a little victory dance. Leo let his breath go and calmed himself before standing up from he ground. Handing Donnie the controller with a smirk.

"Go beat him Donnie" Leo said as he took his intelligent brother's spot on the couch next to Raph. Watching as the purple masked turtle took the spot next to Mikey, his cocky grin never faded from the past two wins he has gotten. Donnie knew this was his chance when it came to winning, Mikey was sure to mess up more since he thinks he can wins with ease. But he really underestimated his older brother when it came to things like these. Mikey smirked as he started the game up for them to play. Already taking shots at Donnie which his brother returned in between timing his blocks which surprised Mikey completely.

"What Mikey, ya getting scared!" Raph trash talked his brother as he relaxed back on the couch with Leo. Only getting a small struggled sounding No as a reply. Donnie was smiling from ear to ear as he got more hits on Mikey as he did him. Taking the time to shoot the monsters and used his shield in order to block off MIkey's attacks behind him. Mikey was now glaring at the screen as they played, he was sure he was going to be able to beat all of his brothers like he did in the Battle Nexis champion ship. But now he wasn't sure if he was going to able to or not and that scared him. Out of all of his trash talking he was finally going to get beat at his game, he couldn't let that happen, he needed the win in order to rub it in all of their faces. Donnie turned his character back around and fired a few quick shots at Mikey before he could pull up his shield to block him.

"Cut it out with the shield Donnie come on!" Mikey said, meaning he was getting frustrated with his brother's strategy that he couldn't very well beat. His brothers started to laugh behind him as he pleaded.

"Sure Mikey" Donnie replied, taking it down only to unload all of his shots in to Mikey's character that he had been saving up in between shielding him. Mikey screeched as he tried to block off all of his brother's shots. Maneuvering through some of them but the screen paused and finally showed that Player 2 wins across the screen. Donnie stood up in triumph as his brothers surrounded him. Giving him high fives for his win as they watched their younger brother pout on the floor next to the three of them.  Crossing his arms as he was being a sore loser from  not winning. Raph only rolled his eyes as he picked his brother up off the ground and locked him in a head lock. Finally hearing his brother's laugh as he held him like that, giving him a noogie.

"Come on bro, quit being a baby about not winning against Don. I want a damn rematch after actually learning how to play" Raph replied as he dropped his brother back on to his spot and took the controller from Donnie to play once more. Leo and Donnie only smirked as they took their spots back on to the couch and watched as they played once more. Better then the last time they played since Raph actually learned how to play against he brother. It was nice to see them actually playing together like this for once. Nothing was on their plate and they could actually enjoy their time together like this. Leo even hoped they could spend more time like this with each other. But only time will tell with that, and if they can keep Raph from breaking the gaming machine.

[to-read-or-not-to-read3088]

70+ disabled, neurodiverse and chronically ill authors COLLAB

This post is in collaboration with several other bloggers whose links are included here:

Artie Carden

Anniek

Hi! It’s been a while since I posted anything, but this post has been a month in the making. I have twenty books by twenty authors for my part in this collaboration, and you can check out the other parts of the collab with the links at the top of the post.

I haven’t read some of these books but almost all of them are on my to be read pile, and I did extensive research to make sure I got this right, but please let me know if there are any mistakes or if anything needs to be corrected.

1. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee

📷

Meet Cute Diary follows Noah Ramirez who thinks he’s an expert on romance. He must be for his blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem. All the stories are fake. What started off as the fantasies of a trans boy who was afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe. Noah’s world unravels when a troll exposes the blog as fiction, and the only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. That’s when Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place. Drew is willing to fake date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realises that dating in real life isn’t the same as finding love on the page.

The author, Emery Lee, is a kid lit author, artist and YouTuber hailing from a mixed racial background. After graduating with a degree in creative writing, e’s gone on to author novels, short stories and webcomics. When away from reading and writing, you’ll likely find em engaged in art or snuggling with cute dogs.

Emery Lee is nonbinary, and uses e/em pronouns, and e’s debut book, Meet Cute Diary, features a side character who is also nonbinary (and asexual!). Emery is also neurodivergent, and frequently speaks about what its like being a writer with adhd on twitter.

Meet Cute Diary is a book I only discovered last month, when it was published, but I’m excited to read it. It has representation of all kinds, and I love any book that has even a little mention of an asexual character because its so rare to see.

2. Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

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At Niveus Private Academy money paves the hallways, and the students are never less than perfect. Until now. Because an anonymous texter calling themselves Aces, is bringing two students’ dark secrets to light. Devon, a talented musician, buries himself in rehearsals, but he can’t escape the spotlight when his private photos go public. Chiamaka, head girl, isn’t afraid to get what she wants, but soon everyone will know the price she has paid for power. Someone is out to get them both. Someone who holds all the aces. And they’re planning much more than a high school game.

Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé, is the author of the instant New York Times and IndieBound bestseller, Ace of Spades, billed as ‘Get out meets Gossip Girl’. Entertainment Weekly has called it “this summer’s hottest YA debut”. She was born and raised in Croydon, South London, and Faridah moved to the Scottish Highlands for her undergraduate degree where she completed a BA in English Literature. She has established and runs and mentorship scheme for unagented writers of colour, helping them on their journey to get published. Faridah has also written for NME, The Bookseller, Readers Digest and gal-dem.

Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé’s book is one that I pre-ordered months in advance, after discovering that I actually really liked this sub-genre of YA, and although I still haven’t read it yet (sorry!), I’m still super excited to dive into it. From what I hear, it has some gay rep, which we all know by now is something I seek out in my books.

3. Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O’Neal

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Priya has worked hard to pursue her pre med dreams at Stanford, but a diagnosis of chronic Lyme disease during her sophomore year sends her straight back to her loving but overbearing family in New Jersey and leaves her wondering if she’ll ever be able to return to the way things were. Thankfully she has her online pen pal, Brigid, and the rest of the members of “oof ouch my bones,” a virtual support group that meets on Discord to crack jokes and vent about their own chronic illnesses. When Brigid suddenly goes offline, Priya does something very out of character; she steals the family car and drives to Pennsylvania to check on Brigid. Priya isn’t sure what to expect, but it isn’t the creature that’s shut in the basement. With Brigid nowhere in sight, Priya begins to puzzle together an impossible but obvious truth: the creature might be werewolf – and the werewolf might be Brigid. As Brigid’s unique condition worsens, their friendship will be deepened and challenged in unexpected ways, forcing them to reckon with their own ideas of what it means to be normal.

Kristen O’Neal is a freelance writer who’s written for sites like Buzzfeed Reader, Christianity Today, Birth.Movies.Death, LitHub and Electric Literature. She writes about faith, culture, and unexplained phenomena. Her debut novel, Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses is based on her own experiences with being chronically ill. Kristen has two autoimmune disorders and “a number of other problems and issues” with her body. According to her website, she is doing much better than she used to, but still has flares somewhat regularly.

I cannot describe the feeling of seeing a published book with the best group chat name I have ever seen. Oof ouch my bones is absolutely something that I would be part of if it really existed, because its just such a mood, and funny at the same time. I pre ordered this book too, but like all the others, I still haven’t gotten around to reading it. I’m super excited about it though and cannot recommend it enough.

4. Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales

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Will Tavares is the dream summer fling – he’s fun, affectionate, kind – but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After, summer vacation ends, and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairy tale ending, and to complicate the fairy tale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realises it’s the same school Will goes to…except Ollie finds out that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted – and to be honest, a jerk. Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again. Right? Right.

Sophie Gonzales was born and raised in Whyalla, South Australia, where the Outback Meets the Sea. She now lives in Melbourne, where there’s no outback in sight. Sophie’s been writing since the age of five, when her mother decided to help her type out one of the stories she had come up with in the bathtub. They ran into artistic differences when five-year-old Sophie insisted that everybody die in the end, while her mother wanted the characters to simply go out for a milkshake. Since then, Sophie has been completing her novels without a transcript. Sophie Gonzales tweets about her experiences with ADHD on her twitter.

Only mostly devasted is one of the few books on this list that I’ve read. I read the whole thing in one sitting because I just couldn’t put it down, which is weird because I normally don’t read contemporary at all. I have recommended this book to literally everyone I know, and even bought my best friend a copy to convince her to read it.

5. The Bone Houses by Emily Lloyd Jones

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Seventeen-year-old Aderyn ("Ryn") only cares about two things: her family, and her family's graveyard. And right now, both are in dire straits. Since the death of their parents, Ryn and her siblings have been scraping together a meagre existence as gravediggers in the remote village of Colbren, which sits at the foot of a harsh and deadly mountain range that was once home to the fae. The problem with being a gravedigger in Colbren, though, is that the dead don't always stay dead. The risen corpses are known as "bone houses," and legend says that they're the result of a decades-old curse. When Ellis, an apprentice mapmaker with a mysterious past, arrives in town, the bone houses attack with new ferocity. What is it that draws them near? And more importantly, how can they be stopped for good? Together, Ellis and Ryn embark on a journey that will take them deep into the heart of the mountains, where they will have to face both the curse and the long-hidden truths about themselves.

Emily Lloyd-Jones grew up on a vineyard in rural Oregon, where she played in evergreen forests and learned to fear sheep. After graduating from Western Oregon University with an English degree, she enrolled in the publishing program at Rosemont College just outside of Philadelphia. She currently resides in Northern California.

Another book on my to be read pile that I’m super excited to read, but still haven’t gotten around to. This one features disability rep, but because I haven’t read it, I don’t know much more, sorry guys.

6. Mooncakes by Susanne Walker and Wendy Xu

📷Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers' bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any town home. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.

Suzanne Walker is a Chicago-based writer and editor. She is co-creator of the Hugo-nominated graphic novel Mooncakes (2019, Lion Forge/Oni Press). Her short fiction has been published in Clarkesworld and Uncanny Magazine, and she has published nonfiction articles with Uncanny Magazine, StarTrek.com, Women Write About Comics, and the anthology Barriers and Belonging: Personal Narratives of Disability. She has spoken at numerous conventions on a variety of topics ranging from disability representation in sci-fi/fantasy to comics collaboration.

Wendy Xu is a Brooklyn-based illustrator and comics artist. She is co-creator of and currently draws the webcomic Mooncakes. Her work has been featured on Tor.com, as part of the Chinese American: Exclusion/Inclusion exhibit permanently housed at the Chinese Historical Society of America, and in Shattered: The Asian American Comics Anthology. She occasionally teaches at the Asian American Writers Workshop and currently works as an assistant editor curating young adult and children’s books.

Suzanne Walker suffers from hearing loss, something that she wrote into her graphic novel, Mooncakes, making Nova hard of hearing. I read this in a few years ago as an advance reader copy for Netgalley and it was honestly one of the best graphic novels I have ever read. The main characters are Chinese American, queer AND magic, which is an amazing combination of representation.

7. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

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Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can’t pull it off alone… A convict with a thirst for revenge A sharpshooter who can’t walk away from a wager A runaway with a privileged past A spy known as the Wraith A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes Kaz’s crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don’t kill each other first.

Leigh Bardugo is a #1 New York Times bestselling author of fantasy novels and the creator of the Grishaverse (now a Netflix original series) which spans the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, the Six of Crows Duology, The Language of Thorns, and King of Scars—with more to come. Her short stories can be found in multiple anthologies, including the Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy. Her other works include Wonder Woman: Warbringer and Ninth House (Goodreads Choice Winner for Best Fantasy 2019) which is being developed for television by Amazon Studios.

Leigh grew up in Southern California and graduated from Yale University. These days she lives and writes in Los Angeles.

In the acknowledgements section of Six of Crows, Bardugo reveals she suffers from osteonecrosis and sometimes needs to use a cane; this was a source of inspiration for one of the story's six protagonists, master thief and gang boss Kaz Brekker, who uses a cane.

I read Six of Crows a few years ago and I really loved it. I’m not going to pretend I managed to finish the whole Grishaverse series, because I haven’t even gotten close yet, but it really showed Kaz’s struggles with his disability, and his mental health. This is part of a duology, and the duology is part of a large series of books with another duology and trilogy, but Six of Crows can be read without reading the others.

8. Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh

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This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative--like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it--but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So, I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!

Allie is an American blogger, writer and comic artist best known for her blog in the form of a webcomic Hyperbole and a Half. Brosh started Hyperbole in 2009 and told stories from her life in a mix of text and intentionally crude illustrations. She has published two books telling stories in the same style, both of which have been New York Times bestsellers. Brosh lives with severe depression and ADHD, and her comics on depression have won praise from fans and mental health professionals.

Another book on my tbr that I just haven’t gotten around to but really want to.

9. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

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What if you aren’t the Chosen One? The one who’s supposed to fight the zombies, or the soul-eating ghosts, or whatever the heck this new thing is, with the blue lights and the death? What if you’re like Mikey? Who just wants to graduate and go to prom and maybe finally work up the courage to ask Henna out before someone goes and blows up the high school. Again. Because sometimes there are problems bigger than this week’s end of the world, and sometimes you just must find the extraordinary in your ordinary life. Even if your best friend is worshipped by mountain lions...

Patrick Ness, an award-winning novelist, has written for England’s Radio 4 and Sunday Telegraph and is a literary critic for The Guardian. He has written many books, including the Chaos Walking Trilogy, The Crash of Hennington, Topics About Which I Know Nothing, and A Monster Calls. He has won numerous awards, including the Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize, the Booktrust Teenage Prize, and the Costa Children’s Book Award. Born in Virginia, he currently lives in London.

Patrick Ness has written about OCD and anxiety in at least two of his books, inspired by his own experiences with the two disorders and how it affects him (The Rest of Us Just Live Here & Release)

10. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire

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Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children No Solicitations No Visitors No Quests Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else. But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children. Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world. But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter. No matter the cost.

Seanan lives in an idiosyncratically designed labyrinth in the Pacific Northwest, which she shares with her cats, Alice and Thomas, a vast collection of creepy dolls and horror movies, and sufficient books to qualify her as a fire hazard. She has strongly held and oft-expressed beliefs about the origins of the Black Death, the X-Men, and the need for chainsaws in daily life.

Years of writing blurbs for convention program books have fixed Seanan in the habit of writing all her bios in the third person, to sound marginally less dorky. Stress is on the "marginally." It probably doesn't help that she has so many hobbies.

Seanan was the winner of the 2010 John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, and her novel Feed (as Mira Grant) was named as one of Publishers Weekly's Best Books of 2010. In 2013 she became the first person ever to appear five times on the same Hugo Ballot.

Seanan McGuire has an invisible disability due to herniated disks in her spine. She is slowly coming to terms with this, and talks about it occasionally on her twitter, and about the struggles she faces.

I loved this book, and so did my best friend. We both read it in one sitting and talked nonstop about it afterwards. Although short, its filled with amazing characters, plot, and representation (asexual character!!)

11. Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

Each year, eight beautiful girls are chosen as Paper Girls to serve the king. It's the highest honour they could hope for...and the most demeaning. This year, there's a ninth. And instead 📷of paper, she's made of fire. In this richly developed fantasy, Lei is a member of the Paper caste, the lowest and most persecuted class of people in Ikhara. She lives in a remote village with her father, where the decade-old trauma of watching her mother snatched by royal guards for an unknown fate still haunts her. Now, the guards are back and this time it's Lei they're after -- the girl with the golden eyes whose rumoured beauty has piqued the king's interest. Over weeks of training in the opulent but oppressive palace, Lei and eight other girls learns the skills and charm that befit a king's consort. There, she does the unthinkable -- she falls in love. Her forbidden romance becomes enmeshed with an explosive plot that threatens her world's entire way of life. Lei, still the wide-eyed country girl at heart, must decide how far she's willing to go for justice and revenge.

Natasha Ngan is a writer and yoga teacher. She grew up between Malaysia, where the Chinese side of her family is from, and the UK. This multicultural upbringing continues to influence her writing, and she is passionate about bringing diverse stories to teens. Ngan studied Geography at the University of Cambridge before working as a social media consultant and fashion blogger. She lives in France with her partner, where they recently moved from Paris to be closer to the sea. Her novel Girls of Paper and Fire was a New York Times bestseller. Natasha has a heart condition, and talks about her struggles with her health, and gives updates on her health and her books on twitter.

I’ve heard a lot about this book, but for trigger warning reasons it sadly isn’t on my to be read list. Everything I’ve heard about it says its an amazing book though, and the cover is beautiful.

12. Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

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Three friends, two love stories, one convention: this fun, feminist love letter to geek culture is all about fandom, friendship, and finding the courage to be yourself. Charlie likes to stand out. She’s a vlogger and actress promoting her first movie at SupaCon, and this is her chance to show fans she’s over her public breakup with co-star Reese Ryan. When internet-famous cool-girl actress Alyssa Huntington arrives as a surprise guest, it seems Charlie’s long-time crush on her isn’t as one-sided as she thought. Taylor likes to blend in. Her brain is wired differently, making her fear change. And there’s one thing in her life she knows will never change: her friendship with her best guy friend Jamie—no matter how much she may secretly want it to. But when she hears about a fan contest for her favourite fandom, she starts to rethink her rules on playing it safe.

Jen Wilde is the YA author of QUEENS OF GEEK, THE BRIGHTSIDERS and GOING OFF SCRIPT. She writes unapologetically queer stories about geeks, rockstars, and fangirls who smash the patriarchy in their own unique ways. Her books have been praised in Teen Vogue, Buzzfeed, Autostraddle, Vulture and Bustle. Originally from Australia, Jen now lives in NYC where she spends her time writing, drinking too much coffee and binging reality TV.

Researching for this collab was the first time this book popped up on my radar as something I might be interested in reading. Jen Wilde, the author, is herself autistic and suffers from anxiety, which gives the narrative “authenticity that is lacking in similar books” according to socialjusticebooks.org.

13. The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

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Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love—she’s lived through it twenty-six times. She crushes hard and crushes often, but always in secret. Because no matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can’t stomach the idea of rejection. So, she’s careful. Fat girls always have to be careful. Then a cute new girl enters Cassie’s orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly’s cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly’s totally not dying of loneliness—except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie’s new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. Will is funny and flirtatious and just might be perfect crush material. Maybe more than crush material. And if Molly can win him over, she’ll get her first kiss and she’ll get her twin back. There’s only one problem: Molly’s co-worker Reid. He’s an awkward Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there’s absolutely no way Molly could fall for him. Right?

Becky Albertalli is the author of the acclaimed novels Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (film: Love, Simon), The Upside of Unrequited, and Leah on the Offbeat. She is also the co-author of What If It's Us with Adam Silvera. A former clinical psychologist who specialized in working with children and teens, Becky lives with her family in Atlanta.

Becky Albertalli has generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), and has spoken about it in several interviews, which you can find online. She has also written several characters in her books who also suffer with anxiety. Her first book, Simon vs the Homosapien’s Agenda (or Love, Simon), is the only book of hers that I have read so far, and I loved it. It was the first contemporary book that I read and actually enjoyed.

14. Carve the Mark by Veronica Roth

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Cyra is the sister of the brutal tyrant who rules the Shotet people. Cyra’s current gift gives her pain and power—something her brother exploits, using her to torture his enemies. But Cyra is much more than just a blade in her brother’s hand: she is resilient, quick on her feet, and smarter than he knows. Akos is the son of a farmer and an oracle from the frozen nation-planet of Thuvhe. Protected by his unusual currentgift, Akos is generous in spirit, and his loyalty to his family is limitless. Once Akos and his brother are captured by enemy Shotet soldiers, Akos is desperate to get his brother out alive—no matter what the cost. Then Akos is thrust into Cyra's world, and the enmity between their countries and families seems insurmountable. Will they help each other to survive, or will they destroy one another?

Veronica Roth is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of the Divergent series (Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant, and Four: A Divergent Collection), the Carve the Mark duology (Carve the Mark, the Fates Divide), The End and Other Beginnings collection of short fiction, and many short stories and essays. Her first book for adult audiences, Chosen Ones, is out now. She lives in Chicago.

Veronica Roth suffers from anxiety, like a lot of the authors on this list, and talks about it in interviews. A quote from one: "I've had an anxiety disorder my whole life, so I've been to therapy on and off throughout, before books and after books. I went back and tried to talk through some of the things I was feeling and experiencing, and it was helpful."

I’ve never read any of her books, not even the hugely famous Divergent trilogy, though they’ve been on my radar for years. I’d love to get into her books at some point, but it might take me a few years.

15. How to be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe

📷An urgent, funny, shocking, and impassioned memoir by the winner of the Spectrum Art Prize 2018, How To Be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe presents the rarely shown point of view of someone living with autism. Poe’s voice is confident, moving and often funny, as they reveal to us a very personal account of autism, mental illness, gender and sexual identity. As we follow Charlotte’s journey through school and college, we become as awestruck by their extraordinary passion for life as by the enormous privations that they must undergo to live it. From food and fandom to body modification and comic conventions, Charlotte’s experiences through the torments of schooldays and young adulthood leave us with a riot of conflicting emotions: horror, empathy, despair, laugh-out-loud amusement and, most of all, respect. For Charlotte, autism is a fundamental aspect of their identity and art. They address the reader in a voice that is direct, sharply clever and ironic. They witness their own behaviour with a wry humour as they sympathise with those who care for them, yet all the while challenging the neurotypical narratives of autism as something to be ‘fixed’. This is an exuberant, inspiring, life-changing insight into autism from a viewpoint almost entirely missing from public discussion. ‘I wanted to show the side of autism that you don’t find in books and on Facebook. My story is about survival, fear and, finally, hope. There will be parts that make you want to cover your eyes, but I beg you to read on, because if I can change just one person’s perceptions, if I can help one person with autism feel like they’re less alone, then this will all be worth it.’ Charlotte Amelia Poe is a self-taught artist and writer living in Lowestoft, Suffolk. They also work with video and won the inaugural Spectrum Art Prize with the film they submitted, 'How to Be Autistic’. Myriad published Charlotte's memoir, How to Be Autistic, in September 2019.

Another book I didn’t know about until researching for this post, but I really want to read it because I haven’t read many books about autism, and practically none of them were actually written by someone who actually is autistic. Charlotte uses they/them pronouns.

16. Ask me about my Uterus by Abby Norman

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For any woman who has experienced illness, chronic pain, or endometriosis comes an inspiring memoir advocating for recognition of women's health issues In the fall of 2010, Abby Norman's strong dancer's body dropped forty pounds and grey hairs began to sprout from her temples. She was repeatedly hospitalized in excruciating pain, but the doctors insisted it was a urinary tract infection and sent her home with antibiotics. Unable to get out of bed, much less attend class, Norman dropped out of college and embarked on what would become a years-long journey to discover what was wrong with her. It wasn't until she took matters into her own hands--securing a job in a hospital and educating herself over lunchtime reading in the medical library--that she found an accurate diagnosis of endometriosis. In Ask Me About My Uterus, Norman describes what it was like to have her pain dismissed, to be told it was all in her head, only to be taken seriously when she was accompanied by a boyfriend who confirmed that her sexual performance was, indeed, compromised. Putting her own trials into a broader historical, sociocultural, and political context, Norman shows that women's bodies have long been the battleground of a never-ending war for power, control, medical knowledge, and truth. It's time to refute the belief that being a woman is a pre-existing condition.

Abby Norman’s debut book, ASK ME ABOUT MY UTERUS: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain, was published by Bold Type Books (Hachette Book Group) in 2018, with advance praise from Gillian Anderson, Lindsey Fitzharris, Jenny Lawson, and Padma Lakshmi.

The book was praised by The New York Times Book Review, The Wall Street Journal, New York Magazine, The Washington Post, The Sunday Times, The Irish Times, Literary Review, The Times Literary Supplement, The New Republic, Book Riot, Toronto Star, ELLE, Health Magazine, Undark Magazine, BUST Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Ms. Magazine, BBC Radio 5, and other international media outlets.

​In 2019, the paperback edition was published in the U.S. and the Korean translation in Seoul (Momento Publishing/Duran Kim Agency).

​Her work has been featured in Harper’s, Medium, The Independent, Literary Hub, The Rumpus, Mental Floss, Atlas Obscura, and elsewhere. Interviews and profiles have been seen and heard, including NPR/WNYC, BBC, Anchor.fm, The New York Times, Playboy, Forbes, Glamour, Women’s Health, and Bitch Magazine.

Abby Norman suffers from endometriosis, which was a large part of why she wrote her book, and why she advocates so hard for fellow patients at conferences such as Stanford University’s Stanford Medicine X and the Endometriosis Foundation of America’s medical conference and Patient Day. She is

Abby has served on technical expert panels including the National Partnership for Women and Families’ CORE Network (Yale University), the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the Centres for Medicare and Medicaid, The Society for Women’s Health Research (SWHR), and Health Affairs.

​In 2019, Abby contributed to a paper addressing research gaps and unmet needs in endometriosis published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

This book is definitely one I will be adding to my to be read list, as someone who (unfortunately) also has a uterus, it is important to be informed. And Abby sounds like such a badass who wrote a whole book about her chronic illness to help others with the same condition.

17. Stim: Autistic Anthology by Lizzie Huxley-Jones

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Around one in one hundred people in the UK are autistic, yet there remains a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism is. It is rare that autistic people get to share their own experiences, show how creative and talented and passionate they are, how different they are from media stereotypes. This insightful and eye-opening collection of essays, fiction and visual art showcases the immense talents of some of the UK's most exciting writers and artists - who just happen to be on the spectrum. Here they reclaim the power to speak for themselves and redefine what it means to be autistic. Stim invites the reader into the lives, experiences, minds of the eighteen contributors, and asks them to recognise the hurdles of being autistic in a non-autistic world and to uncover the empathy and understanding necessary to continue to champion brilliant yet unheard voices.

Lizzie (Hux) Huxley-Jones is an autistic author and editor based in London. They are the editor of Stim, an anthology of autistic authors and artists, which was published by Unbound in April 2020 to coincide with World Autism Awareness Week. They are also the author of the children’s biography Sir David Attenborough: A Life Story. They can be found editing at independent micropublisher 3 of Cups Press, and they also advise writers as a freelance sensitivity reader and consultant. In their past career lives, they have been a research diver, a children’s bookseller and digital communications specialist.

I wasn’t even aware that there was an anthology out there by an autistic author, about autism, but now that I do I need to read it.

18. Chimera by Jaecyn Bonê

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Creatures unlike you've imagined before! Welcome to a world where myths and legends collide to create a new breed of monster. Savage and soulful, these monstrosities combine to form the mighty Chimera. In this anthology, talented writers weave 10 tales of fantastical beasts. Featuring stories by: Matt Bliss Jaecyn Boné Alexis L. Carroll Chris Durston Dewi Hargreaves Stephen Howard Samuel Logan Vincent Metzo Braden Rohl Michelle Tang

Jaecyn is a queer, non-binary, disabled Asian-American writer and digital artist fascinated by faeries.

Most of their writing involves wlw romance and faery-inspired creatures. Their first novel, Farzana's Spite is a 10-year-old work in progress and the first novel in The Faerth series. Other works include The Killing Song (novel) and Colour Unknown (short), both of which are also part of the Faerth universe.

Jaecyn's art can be described as a neorealistic pop art style with cel shading. They began their digital art journey with a 5-year-old refurbished iPad using their finger as a stylus and immediately fell in love. They do digital download commissions as well as sell prints of their artwork.

Jaecyn is the Co-Editor in Chief of the Limeoncello Magazine, an online Own Voices literary magazine which debuted its first issue on March 21st, 2021.

When not writing, drawing, or chasing after their two children, they can be found either gardening or practicing their ukulele.

None of Jaecyn Boné’s books are published yet as they are still in the stage of querying, but they contributed to the above anthology, along with nine other authors. I had no idea that this anthology existed, and now I’ll be closely following this author to see when their books get published!

19. Forest of Souls by Lori M Lee

Sirscha Ashwyn comes from nothing, but she’s intent on becoming something. After years of training to become the queen’s next royal spy, her plans are derailed when shamans attack 📷and kill her best friend Saengo. And then Sirscha, somehow, restores Saengo to life. Unveiled as the first soul guide in living memory, Sirscha is summoned to the domain of the Spider King. For centuries, he has used his influence over the Dead Wood—an ancient forest possessed by souls—to enforce peace between the kingdoms. Now, with the trees growing wild and untamed, only a soul guide can restrain them. As war looms, Sirscha must master her newly awakened abilities before the trees shatter the brittle peace, or worse, claim Saengo, the friend she would die for.

Lori M. Lee is the author of speculative novels and short stories. Her books include PAHUA AND THE SOUL STEALER (Disney/Rick Riordan Presents), FOREST OF SOULS and the sequel BROKEN WEB (Page Street), and more. She’s also a contributor to the anthologies A THOUSAND BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS and COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES. She considers herself a unicorn fan, enjoys marathoning TV shows, and loves to write about magic, manipulation, and family.

Lori struggles with anxiety, and the common symptoms like fatigue but she doesn’t let this stop her writing amazing books. I read Forest of Souls earlier this year, and it was seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read. I loved the magic, the characters, the world building. Everything about it, including the plot twist ending that had me losing my mind at 2am, was just so unlike anything I had read in any other fantasy before.

20. A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A Brown

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For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts Malik’s younger sister, Nadia, as payment into the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal—kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom. But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic . . . requiring the beating heart of a king. And she knows just how to obtain one: by offering her hand in marriage to the victor of the Solstasia competition. When Malik rigs his way into the contest, they are set on a course to destroy each other. But as attraction flares between them and ancient evils stir, will they be able to see their tasks to the death?

Roseanne “Rosie” A. Brown was born in Kumasi, Ghana and immigrated to the wild jungles of central Maryland as a child. Writing was her first love, and she knew from a young age that she wanted to use the power of writing—creative and otherwise—to connect the different cultures she called home. She graduated from the University of Maryland with a Bachelor’s in Journalism and was also a teaching assistant for the school’s Jiménez-Porter Writers’ House program. Her journalistic work has been featured by Voice of America among other outlets.

On the publishing side of things, she has worked as an editorial intern at Entangled Publishing. Rosie was a 2017 Pitch Wars mentee and 2018 Pitch Wars mentor. Rosie currently lives outside Washington D.C., where in her free time she can usually be found wandering the woods, making memes, or thinking about Star Wars.

Roseanne is another author that struggles with anxiety and wrote one of her two main characters with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), despite it being a fantasy. I don’t even think I can name a fantasy that had a character with anxiety represented so well. This was a book I read around the same time as Forest of Souls, and I loved it. The cover was beautiful, the characters were brilliant, and I just loved the world building, the magic, and the plot. It was just different to the usual fantasy books I read, and I enjoyed the variation so much I’ve had the sequel pre ordered almost a year in advance.

So, this was my 20 books by 20 chronically ill, disabled or neurodiverse authors list. Blurbs and synopsis were compiled between Goodreads and author websites, and bios were found either on Goodreads, author websites or on amazon author pages. All the information about their chronic illnesses, disabilities or neurodivergence was found online, where they had either explicitly said it or written about it, but if I have something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it!

If you have any other suggestions or know any other books and authors that should be on this list, please let me know and I’ll do my best to add it to the list as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading 😊