#go peep his album

[bobzora]

new pinocchiop the first new one to really vibe with me for a while. banger

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Hiiii, I loveeeee ur work ❤️

I was thinking about a head cannon of how some of the mw2 characters (ghost, soap, König, etc) would react to their partner sending them a nude photo?👀👀👀

Sorry if you did this already but I’m pretty sure you haven’t tho cuz I definitely would have read it already 😭

MW2 Reaction to Receiving a Special™ Photo from Their S/O

Warnings: 18+ (just to be safe), Non-Specific/Explicit Implications of Smut, No Pronouns used for Reader except 'You', Singular Mention of Graves Throwing Himself off a Cliff, Dominant! MW2, Submissive! MW2, Dominant! Reader, Submissive! Reader, Profanity, etc.

Ghost

He will literally stare bug-eyed at the picture you’ve sent him like 👁️O👁️

Since it’s a physical photograph, he keeps it on him like a chapstick, which is to say all the time.

He isn’t risking ANYONE besides himself seeing it.

And when he’s about to embark on a mission, he keeps it tucked into his vest right where his heart is so that it’s practically part of him.

He likes to think that, somehow, you can hear – feel – his heart beating, know that he’s still alive and fighting so that he can come home and see you.

And when he returns from a mission and goes to his quarters, he has some…alone time.

You know, to really study the picture.

Not that he doesn’t know every curve and edge of your body already.

But that doesn't stop him growling your name into the pillow as he rocks against it, a hole cut into the bottom of it – a poor imitation of you.

A makeshift lover.

If anyone ends up seeing that picture – if they stole it from him, if by some act of God (because that’s what it’ll take) it slipped out of his vest or pocket – they are in for a World of Pain™.

There won’t be a time they won’t flinch upon hearing Ghost’s name, or when they see his shadow like an omen on the wall as he commandeers the halls. Prowling.

He’d feel pretty guilty about someone else seeing you how he does, even if it was only for a fraction of a second.

So he’s definitely going to make it up to you when he gets back <3

König

His heart can’t take this kind of torment.

He’ll be looking down at his phone, the image of you burning into his skin like a holy artefact.

He definitely gets more jumpy around people when he has his phone on him.

Will literally clam up and shove it into the deepest recesses of his pocket if someone comes too close.

Even when your picture is safely stored behind a password-protected photo album.

He has to excuse himself from training or other commitments whenever his mind wanders back to you, and subsequently that image (which is basically all the time).

Sometimes he calls you while he’s sorting himself out.

He just needs to hear your voice – to feel closer to you.

It’s the only way he can finish.

“Engel,” he rasps, his breath stuttering, “I need you,”

And everyone just looks at him like he’s grown a third eye when he returns because, unbeknownst to him, König can’t keep quiet, and everyone who has never heard even a peep from him is suddenly aware of the carnality that lies beneath his skin, wired into his soul.

And at the centre is his love for you, boundless and overflowing so that the rest of his teammates know it, too.

Not that they mind all too much.

They all sit and think that you must be one beautiful person to evoke such a response from König.

Soap

Will tease you back.

Sends a mirror pic of him in a tight black shirt, saying something like ‘You’ll see the rest when I get home.’

Is absolutely ravenous when it comes to you.

No cap, goes absolutely ham in the shower when the image of you in nothing flashes in his mind.

His low moans are enough of a warning for the rest of the 141 to stay away for the next half an hour or so.

Aside from that, he’ll just look at the picture because he finds you beautiful.

Stares at it while he’s in bed. Laments on how much he misses you ☹️.

He’s counting down the days until he can see you again, and with each that passes, he can feel your silhouette becoming tangible in his hands, as if you were stepping out of the photo.

Sometimes, he dreams that you’re there with him, nestled between his arms.

Other times the dreams are a little more…graphic.

But Johnny can’t help it.

He just can’t contain himself when it comes to you.

Valeria

If you thought her violent tendencies could never extend to you, prepare to be amazed.

The second this woman sees what you’re trying to do – or, rather, what she thinks you’re trying to do – she is not happy.

You could have sent that image with the purest (within reason) of intentions; just letting Valeria know that you miss her, wishing her a good day – whatever.

What she sees is you trying to manipulate her by using your body as an instrument of destruction.

Dramatic, yes. But Valeria has never been one to take chances.

She’ll be deceptively calm over text: ‘Don’t tease me, Darling. You know what happens when you do.’

All day, all she can see is that image.

Whenever she turns a corner, you’re there; whenever she’s talking to someone, you’re peering at her over their shoulder; when she’s alone, you’re sat with her – on her – trying to take her attention away from her paperwork.

Redemption is a baseless concept when Valeria returns home that evening.

You will not know rest until she’s done with you.

Price

“Fuckin’ Hell, Love,” he’ll say, the darkness hanging on his voice tangible even through the voice note.

“What’ve you been up to while I’ve been away, hmm ?”

Will not rest until he knows he’s got you hot and bothered.

This entails him sending increasingly risqué images of himself; first, just one of him flexing, his arms thick and crawling with veins.

The next is of his shirt raised just below his chest, the dim light of the room keeping enough of him shrouded that his identity is unknown to all but you, his wide silhouette taking up most of the picture.

And, if you decide to be resilient against his attempts to make you feel as you have him, you’ll receive a series of menacing messages.

‘Don’t get too comfortable, Angel’, he’ll say.

‘You never know when I’ll come through that door–’

He grins as he sees you’ve read his message, hanging on his every word.

‘And ravage you.’

And you know he means it, too.

Meanwhile, he’s multitasking; keeping a clear, professional head and giving orders while resisting the primal urge to drop everything and find you.

And no amount of pleading or tears will spare you from his wrath when he returns.

Horangi

Regardless of how well the military life trained his self-discipline, nothing can dampen the sheer need Horangi feels whenever he receives a special picture from you.

I’m talking: he will literally sit in silence for ten minutes because he’s got a raging issue he needs to take care of but can’t risk anyone else seeing it.

Will thunder down the hall to the nearest bathroom when the meeting’s over and take out his frustrations there.

When he calls, you’d better pick up the first time.

If you don’t, you’ll have Hell to pay when gets home.

“Baby,” he breathes down the phone, the fog already making his mind frost over, his body burning up.

“What have you done to me–”

These brief encounters are the only thing keeping him sane while he’s away; they make him feel closer to you.

And, repaying you in kind, he returns one night, in the silence of the moon hours.

He finds you, pulls you to him, clutching on tight as you begin to wake.

And, between delirium and consciousness, his voice is all you can hear.

“Shouldn’t have tested me, Sweetheart,” he says, whispering as though partaking in a secret.

“Now I’m going to have to challenge you.” His arms are snakes as they constrict you.

“Fall asleep before I’m done with you, and I promise there will be no end to your suffering.”

Alejandro

Teasing a man as passionate as Alejandro is not going to end well for everyone involved.

Expect to receive a barrage of very choice texts back.

‘You have no idea what you’re doing to me’, he’ll say, followed by a photo of the tent in his trousers.

And a sinister: ‘But you will’.

If he’s away on business for even just a few days, he’ll go practically feral whenever he sees that picture of you.

To everyone else, he’ll be the leader Alejandro Vargas they all know him as – ruthless and righteous.

Yet, there’s something different in the way he walks as he excuses himself from the table, his destination unknown.

His gaze is narrowed and his teeth are grinding, rabid in disposition.

And when he gets home, no matter how long of a day it’s been, you’re in for a very long night.

He’ll appear behind you, a spectre, clamping a hand down on your shoulder.

“You shouldn’t test a soldier, Love,” he says, his grip tightening.

You don't turn around, an exhilarating fear keeping you frozen.

He leans down, his mouth just at your ear, his breath hot.

“Because you never know when he’ll snap.”

Rodolfo

This man is usually rather quiet and submissive when it comes to the more personal aspects of your life together.

But when you send him a picture that makes him question how long he can keep his composure for, you’re in trouble.

You’ll be receiving a phone call from a very exasperated Rodolfo, who, despite his best efforts, has succumbed to your charm.

Definitely a growler when he’s in a dominant mood.

More of a whimperer when he’s not.

At times like these, you get both.

“Darling,” he breathes, the back of his head pressed against the cold cubicle wall. “Look what you’ve done to me…”

His whining is more than enough to let you know the effect you’ve had on him.

And it’s what he says next that makes your blood run cold.

“I won’t let you get away with this.”

The husking baritone in his voice tells you he’s being truthful.

And if you try to clap back with something witty, or even an apology, Rodolfo just laughs.

“The time for mercy is long past, mi Amor,” he tells you.

“All you can do now is prepare for the Reckoning.”

Graves

This smug idiot.

Definitely smirks to himself when he gets that picture.

Has to resist the urge to show it off to everyone in the boardroom because he’s just that proud to have you as his partner.

Yes, he is hard. Yes, he’s still going to give this presentation in front of all the major shareholders.

Why ?

Because he’s Graves. Also, because he knows he has more money than everyone else in that room, and, consequently, more power.

Will shoot you back a text like: ‘Mighty fine work, Babydoll’, followed by, ‘You’re getting a promotion when I get home.’

Yes, he uses corporate jargon when discussing intimate matters.

He’s a businessman at heart, he can’t help it.

Definitely more playful than most of the others on this list.

The type to take his time with you and make you laugh while he does so.

But when he wants to be rough (and when you want him to be), he can be.

And he gets mean when he’s like that.

I’m talking hair-pulling, name-calling – basically just bullying you, but consensually.

Does his best to take care of you, though.

If he found out that he’d actually upset you, he’d literally jump off a cliff – he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

Expect many lavish gifts if this happens, though.

But don’t tell him that I told you that 👀.

Gaz

Will nearly drop his phone – it turns to butter in his hands.

He looks over his shoulder at least fifty times before he’ll allow himself to look at the photo again.

Poor boy’s face is turning red, his palms are sweating, he can’t think straight.

Paranoid 24/7 that everyone knows he has that picture of you.

But it doesn’t intimidate him enough for him to even try to keep quiet in the barracks when he has some alone time.

Similar situation to Soap; everyone knows to steer clear of whichever room Gaz was last spotted walking into for a while.

It would take him a few days for him to send a picture back.

More than likely, it’ll be of him in a scarcely lit bathroom in nothing but his boxers with a very prominent outline in them.

Followed by a text with something to the effect of: ‘Been thinking about you all night, Sweets’

And God forbid you send him another image of yourself. And definitely do not send a message saying ‘Aww, has my good boy been behaving himself ?’

Will literally send him over the edge.

The rest of the 141 can’t commandeer the bathroom for the rest of the day after that.

And when Gaz gets home, just know that your phone screen can’t protect you anymore.

Not when you have a man made of pure intellect and solid mass running full-force at you with all the pent-up energy seen only in a nuclear reactor.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

[selyeji]

nouvelle vague

joão felix x reader

summary : you were simply an intern and he was on loan, you’ll blame the full moon.

warnings : not proofread, angst, joao is toxic and stupid, m*gui…

you stood on the elevator, holding onto your bag with both your hands. legs crossing while you lean against the railing, your gaze lowered to the floor. it was your first day as an intern, helping in the clubs social media and journalism.

the chimes of the door open, from your gaze you saw white sneakers, black pants and a pair of football cleats. dangling from his index and middle finger to carry it around. assuming he was a player for the club, you raise your head looking at his face. the bright lights of the elevator made his brown hair glow, his eyes were hooded and dark, ears busy listening to music.

softly sending a smile and a nod towards him, to show proper respect. he smiles back as he places his focus on pressing the buttons for his floor. you started to scrape off a hangnail on a finger of yours, it was a bad habit if yours. you did it to distract yourself or whenever you felt nervous.

the football player arrived on his floor first, footsteps echoed through the empty hallways once he exited the elevator. as you went up, you fixed your posture, eating a mint and fixing your hair. nervous for the new work space.

the moment you entered the office, your boss guided you around to introduce you. arriving to your own table, you started to place your things down. arranging a few files, pens and your laptop.

deciding to check on the photographers kn the training ground, you walk outside to the field. immediately facing the blue sky and green grass. jogging over to the area where most staff sat, creating small talk. until you saw those familiar boots again, white with cuts of grass under its heel.

the brown haired man from earlier, his hair messed up and the sun creating light highlights on his curls. it wasn’t until now you had a good look at him. he was handsome, perfect smile. your pupils darting up and down to look at his muscular but slim form.

…

the day started to pass by, the sun rays peeping out the pink blue clouds. you started to gather the necessities back in your bag, greeting you co-workers on your way out. you waited for the elevator once again to reach your floor, the doors slide open.

the player from earlier, met again. you were surprised, majority already went home. he was still in the building while you were expecting to get back alone. you shrugged it off, it was your first day either way. you wouldn’t know their schedule, maybe you were the one getting into their usual routine. he softly greeted you, recognizing you from earlier that day.

…

in the next days of the week, getting into the same elevator and seeing the same face. this became a daily routine of seeing other. you two got closer and closer, introducing each other and usually creating small talk. it was nice to get closer to someone aside from the people in the shared office.

it was after a long day of work, sun already set as the purple sky blended. you decided to visit a nearby music shop, it was your go-to shop whenever searching for vinyls or cds. the cashier already recognizes your face from the amount of times you visited.

pushing the glass door, entering the warm room. you already had your earphones on walking over to the cd section. looking over the new albums released, the arrangement wasn’t really organized by genre.

your peace was disturbed with a male voice, removing one of your earbuds. you look up to see joão, he smiled at you, showing his straight white teeth.

“i love the smiths” he said, referring to the album you were holding. you were a bit taken back, of course they’re known worldwide but here? not as much. “The Queen Is Dead is my personal favorite album. what about you?” he continued and asked you.

“Louder Than Bombs.” you grin sweetly at him, a bit of pink tint on your cheeks. he still stood on the opposite side, you two separated by the racks of cds on your side while vinyls on his. joão starts to look through the vinyl albums.

“you prefer vinyls over cds?” you ask him. continue to looking for yours. “of course, the albums are big enough to flex your music taste to people.” he joked. you chuckle, “im more of a cd person, you could listen to it everywhere.”

you two continued to talk, wasting the time in the store. recommending albums to each other, you two shared a passion for music, whether it was rap, r&b, jazz, pop or whatever. the two of you said your goodbyes once he left the store. you stood on the counter, deciding to buy the albums he recommended.

you rushed back home, your smile did not leave your face at all even after he left. quickly taking a warm shower, feeding your cat before going over to your desk.

turning on your lamp and cd player, before taking out the cd from the case and putting it on the player. you look at track-list while listening. based from the titles, you were expecting more love songs. you listen through the entire album, it was more of soft songs but it was for sure a great album. turning off the light, deciding to go to sleep.

…

you woke up early as usual, doing your daily routine before going off to work. you usually brought your own burnt cd with your custom playlist, but deciding to bring the other album you bought. deciding to listen to it on the way with your portable cd player.

once you arrived, elevator with him again. you both smile at each other. joao notices the music you were listening to, grinning to himself. but decided not to disturb you as usual.

you arrive to your office, quietly working on your own until you realize you finish the entire tracklist already. deciding to check up on the photographers on the field once again.

joao kept looking at you more than usual, smiling more until you noticed. once it got repetitive you just gave a lazy confused face, making him laugh. you went back to the office continuing your work.

the day ended, stretching your back while walking to the elevator. joao was already there as usual, he raises your brow at you while smiling. giving him a confused look you asked “what?”

“how was the album i gave you? didn’t think you would actually listen to my recommendations.” you connected the dots realizing he heard it blasting too loud earlier.

“surprisingly good from you. both albums were pretty great. plus whats the point of recommending if you’re not gonna listen anyways?” you raise your chin, smiling.

“hey wait surprisingly? what does that mean?” he asks, acting offended.

“nothing, if you heard it earlier, why didn’t you ask beforehand?” you chuckle. “i don’t wanna disturb you while listening to ethereal music. especially coming from me.” he says in a sassy tone. you laugh it off with him.

ever since then the two of you got close, always striking a conversation whenever you saw each other. whether it was on the field or not. the two of you definitely shared a lot of interests. it made you way more comfortable in your work space.

…

the sky was pitch midnight, the glowing of night life clubs became a source or light. you walk around the neon lights finding a specific bar. a friend of yours was performing tonight. they weren’t a big hit band but they still performed gigs often.

you walked in with a large crowd already waiting, the band was already preparing their instruments onstage. deciding to go the bar next to it, ordering a juice. you definitely did not want to deal with a headache in the morning.

before you knew it, the drummer started counting and the performance started. you still sat on the stool, taking sips every so often.

you felt a tap behind your shoulder, you turned your head, checking behind you. joao looking down on you smiling, he wore a white hoodie and black pants.

“mind if i sit next to you?” he asked, his head nodding to the side to the empty seat next to you. you smiled softly and said sure.

“didn’t know you went to these kinds of places.” joao yelled through the loud music and guitar. “im only here to support my friend actually, she’s the bass player over there.” you yelled back, pointing to your friend on the stage.

looking back to joao, the blue and purple lights that spread throughout the room, hitting his face. his eyes were already staring into yours, reflecting the bright lights in the room but kept it on yours.

your faces got closer, elbow leaning on the counter. your eyes going back and forth from his eyes to his full lips. before your lips could even collide, you two were distracted by the sudden yell of the crowd. a impressive guitar solo started playing, the room filled with cheers and claps. you laughed at joaos face while clapping, your romantic session ended.

leaning near to his neck you whisper, “let’s continue this later…” saying in a playful tone. you maintain eye contact as you smile.

once the performance ended, you greeted your friend goodbye after creating small talk. you walk out, already seeing joao waiting for you. he looks up from his phone, smirking. “let’s go, i know a spot.” he said, his hand out inviting you to hold hands.

grabbing his palm, intertwining hands. he walks you to the beach, it had a way nicer view of the ocean, you haven’t discovered this place before. he sat on the sand, tapping the empty spot beside him insisting you sit down.

you sat on the grainy sand, looking up to the night sky. it was a full moon, stars behind it but still shining in their own way. bringing your legs to your chest, you look beside you to see joao. his hands behind to lean on the ground.

moonlight reflected to his defined cheekbones, he raised his hand up to your jaw. dark pupils staring into your eyes, tucking a hair strand behind your ear before kissing you. your body started leaning against his, pushing the kiss further and further.

once you two separated, catching your breath. your head rested on his shoulder, refusing to look him on the face. too embarrassed on what would happen now. joao broke the silence through his giggle, picking you up while your legs hugged around his waist and your arms snake around his neck.

he carried you over to his car, which was surprisingly parked just nearby the beach. putting you down on the passenger seat, kissing your forehead in the process. once he got to the drivers seat, immediately leaning to rest his back.

“open up the compartment.” joao said, smirking as his hands rise up to the back of his head. you raise a brow while pouting your lips, wondering what he was talking about, your muscles immediately soften. the compartment was filled with cd cases.

“woah… i thought you were a vinyl person…” you said, still amazed looking at the different music you still haven’t listened to.

“can’t play them in a car no?” he laughs it off. you look over to him, the muscles in his arm clearly defined and showing. his white teeth showing through his perfect smile. you blush, admiring his features.

…

since that night, you and joao have gotten way closer than before. more than friends, but you weren’t even sure what was going on between you two.

he’d often let you stay at his house, play video games, cook, eat, shower together, make love. you two were like a couple, not publicly.

you laid down on joaos couch, waiting for him to get back home. scrolling through the internet finding something to entertain yourself with, you come across an interview. it was pretty recent from twitter, you play it to see joao.

smiling to yourself until the interview asked, “are you currently in a relationship? seeing someone?”

“no, im not seeing anyone right now.”

“so you’re available?”

“yes.”

his answer echoed in your head, repeating and repeating. sure you were fine with being private, especially with pressure in social media, but this?

publicly saying you’re available, acting like a person wasn’t waiting for you back home. you were tipped off, pissed even. did he not consider you worthy? were you just a replacement until he found someone new?

you turned off your phone, hand hanging off the side of the couch as you grip onto your device. staring onto the blank ceiling, the white light bulb still lighting up the room. the door creaks open, you raise your head to see joao entering the house. removing his shoes before stepping in. he walked over to you as you stood up, embracing you into a hug.

“hey babyy…” he mumbled. he was soft with you, in the field he’s fiery and aggressive but now he’s just soft and sweet. you heart warmed up, forgetting about the interview, passing it off as wanting to keep things more private and secured.

“let’s just take a shower can we… scrub my back for me?” he asked, using his dark puppy eyes again to get what he wants, his cheeks pouting. “fine…” you smiled, before leading him into the bathroom.

…

you forgot about that day, what happened. well you tried, you kept getting reminded about it. you were paranoid if he was out with someone else. you never showed it to him or anyone else. you acted unbothered.

you were at your office, getting off your seat for lunch break. you decide to go out to eat, forgetting to pack your own lunch. you walked to a nearby cafe, it was a local shop, not much customers around this time. you ordered a coffee and pasta. you sat down waiting for your order, scrolling in tiktok until you come across and familiar face, with another one.

you look closer to find joao, sat with magui in a restaurant. he only got back from international break a few days ago. you were heartbroken, everything inside you shattered to pieces.

scrolling through the comments on how he doesn’t learn his lesson and never move on. they were always right, he never made an effort to move on. your name was called, you order was already ready. turning off your phone to clear your thoughts and to bring back your tray.

you began eating your food, staring out the cafes glass window. blankly staring as people walked pass, going on with their day. you were finished with him, he was an asshole from the start.

after you finished your food, you went back to work. letting the hours pass by. but your thoughts never left, your legs bounced the whole time, you couldn’t focus properly.

your shift ended, you quickly grabbed your bag and things. going onto the elevator, unfortunately he was already there. you kept the gaze of your eyes lowered, not getting even a view of his face. quickly just wanting to get out.

you had your earphones on, nothing played. you just wanted joao to get off your back for now, once the doors opened. you rushed out, quickly running out the building. unfortunately joao caught up, he knew something happened to you.

he grabbed your wrist, making you turn to him. you stopped on your tracks, facing him, your eyes filled with hatred. joao was taken back.

“what happened baby?” he asked, his tone filled with pure sweetness.

this time you didn’t soften, you were done with him.

“seriously you’re gonna act nothing happened? with magui?” you took your hand back.

he was shock, his eyes widened. he didn’t expect her to find out, nor anyone.

“please i can explain darling-“ his face turned into a worry look.

“oh so you can call me a pet name but can’t even place a label between us?” you cut him off. “us? you really think friends would do anything like we do? after everything? don’t try to establish a relationship you don’t want.” you continued. tears started to build up in your eyes.

you ran off, before anyone could see you. getting into your apartment before breaking down. everything felt heavy, like the world was against you. your bedsheets stained with tears that will last.

…

it’s been weeks since then, you decide to walk over to the shore. its late at night, you couldn’t sleep from all the energy drinks you consumed from wanting to study longer. the moon was bright as ever.

you saw that same spot again, where everything started. you internship has ended while joaos loan contract wasn’t extended. you were glad you didn’t get to see him anymore. he’s back at portugal, but you also knew he would get to see magui again.

there was nothing you could do now, joao was cruel and deep like the ocean. but it would make sense if magui was the moon, affecting him like the ocean depended on her. you were simply a star, something you look for when the moon is not at sight.

daily click to help palestine

a/n : w2e save me… please save me w2e if you can hear me please😭😭 sorry but every good romcom mentions the smiths therefore it needs a place here

[toomanythoughts2]

Theory on Why Murderface and Toki don't practice.

(Just a heads up, this is going to be a bit of a theory with a lot of analyzing but I'll put the gist above the cut away in case no one wants to read the long version. To keep things in order, I follow the Dethklok age range, oldest to youngest: Pickles, Skwisgaar, Nathan, Murderface, and Toki.)

GIST: Magnus' abrupt dismissal from the band and Dethklok being just signed on with Crystal Mountain Records put a lot of pressure on Nathan and Skwisgaar (both known perfectionists), thus resulting in Toki's (brand new member) and Murderface's (hard-headed bass player) parts being re-recorded by Skwisgaar in order to satisfy Nathan and Skwisgaar's perfectionism. This in the long run would further push Toki and Murderface being apathetic toward practicing.

Below is a more detailed description and timeline of this theory.

(I would like to point out that this theory is not to make Nathan and Skwisgaar the bad guy, but more to pinpoint how perfectionism can often times have negative effects on individuals who are just starting out, like Toki and Murderface.)

So this theory is based on a lot of information I can gather from the show about Nathan and Skwisgaar's perfectionism, Toki and Murderface's apathy and work ethic, and the theory timeline of how it started.

______________________________________________________________

Nathan's Perfectionism

As everyone knows, Nathan is a notorious perfectionist. Nathan is known to record, delete, re-record, delete, re-re-record, delete, over and over again until he is satisfied. It's a theme that is shown multiple times in the show. The very first album we see them make in "Dethwater" is because Nathan kept deleting the record.

Nathan's perfectionism (along side his connection to the Whale Prophet) is a whole arch in Season 4, resulting in him destroying their master record in "Prankklok".

In fact, it could be argued that Nathan's whole arch in Army of the Doomstar of trying to write the Song Of Salvation while still in a Death Metal Perfectionist Mindset was one the reasons why he wrote the wrong song in the first place. Nathan trying to figure out who he wants to talk to and what he would say to them that would also match his perfect Death Metal Image is why the lyrics came so hard to him, even before Murderface's possession interference.

The idea of being the hand or the fist in Army of the Doomstar can also play into his perfectionism. It could resemble the idea of forcing oneself to be a certain way rather then letting oneself just be who they should be. (Peep the painted nails, LOVE!)

Now, while we don't see Nathan "practice" like how Skwisgaar practices his guitar, it's safe to assume that he does have a lot of knowledge on how to sing. For his style, it would be important to know how to practice singing in order to maintain his signature growling voice, especially since that's not his normal voice. On top of practicing, we also know that Dethklok is Nathan's band. Not Skwisgaar's, not Pickles', not Murderface's, and not Magnus'. Nathan's band. That is a very proud fact of his that he has shown to not hesitate bringing up when other people try and mess with his band, including higher ups like Abigail. Dethklok is Nathan's baby, it's his first love, it's his literal everything. As the creator of Dethklok, the frontman, the "dad" of the band, Nathan has a LOT of pressure on his shoulders to make sure that the albums that come out are good albums.

This is why Pickles' character is so important to Nathan because he balances him out. Pickles cares about Dethklok just as much as Nathan but he's been down this road before, and he knows how Nathan is. "Prankklok" and "Writersklok" are so important to bring up when discussing their relationship because it shows just how much Pickles knows about Nathan's perfectionism, temperament, and what that obsession can do to him. THAT'S WHY PICKLES IS SO DETERMINED FOR THEM TO GO ON THEIR FRIENDER BENDER, TO KEEP NATHAN AWAY FROM THE ALBUM AND LET LOOSE! Their fight in "Writersklok" wasn't just a funny "Mom and Dad are Fighting" bit, it was real argument with anger and frustration. It was about the album and about Nathan's lack of an apology or recognition to what he's done. (Look at how scared everyone looks around them while they're fighting. They are scared.)

It's also important to note that Pickles and Nathan's problems revolving Abigail didn't really start until much later in the season, I wanna say "Going Downklok", AND Pickles was not aware of the Whale Prophet until the end of season 4, when even Nathan finally had to confront his own memory about that night and what the Whale Prophet told him. THAT IS WHY NATHAN'S APOLOGY IN CHURCH OF THE BLACKKLOK IS SO FUCKING MEANINGFUL AND GOOD! That despite the group now understanding that Nathan had to destroy the record, he still apologized to Pickles for doing it because he knows it harmed his relationship with him.

The destruction of the album is equivalent to Nathan saying that everything that was put on it was not good enough, meaning it looks like a big "Fuck You" to Pickles when he's laying on the floor watching Nathan destroy the Master Recording.

Now remember: Nathan's perfectionism and destruction of the album harmed his relationship with Pickles in an almost life altering way. Nathan's inability to apologize almost split up Dethklok permanently.

Skwisgaar's Perfectionism

One of Skwisgaar's most famous characteristics is that he is always playing the guitar. It's a running joke in the show that he is always fretting, always practicing, and playing guitar is all he knows and does. He plays in the hot tub, he plays at meetings, he plays at the dinner table, he plays outside, he plays when he's stressed, he plays when he's bored, he plays in his sleep, and he plays when he's hurt in Army of the Doomstar. Skwisgaar is known to play his guitar and play it very well. So well in fact, Skwisgaar regularly records the parts for both Toki and Murderface for the albums, even when Toki and Murderface already have a recording. It's another running joke in the show that Skwisgaar will just go back to the studio and re-record whatever they have already done. However Skwisgaar has also been shown to listen, critic, and make Toki re-record his parts numerous times as if to find a good take for the record.

He even offers to show Murderface how to play his bass parts in "Dethsiduals", despite prior viewer knowledge that Skwisgaar records his parts anyway.

For me, Skwisgaar's perfectionism is in between "No one will ever be as good as me" and "Why isn't anyone as good as me?" He obviously wants Toki (and Murderface but he has more interactions with Toki and his guitar playing) to play to their full potential but his expectations are either never met, or they are met too close to "Good as or better than me" that he lashed out. In "Dethlessons" Skwisgaar lashes out at Toki when he gets a new guitar teacher and the band are being dicks to him, making him think Toki is getting better.

(This could also be read as jealousy for Toki's guitar teacher because Skwisgaar has been shown to be attached to Toki in their strange rival/BFF relationship in a way he is not attached to anyone else. I.E. "The Duel" in Doomstar Requiem and Skwisgaar's Nightmare that happens in "Dethlessons".

[If you want a really good analysis on Skwisgaar's Nightmare, check out this post by @dichromaticdyke. It's honestly one of my favorites.]

OR jealousy in the sense that someone ELSE was able to get Toki to start practicing in a way that is actually beneficial. No, Skwisgaar, dropping a bucket of blood on Toki during a guitar lesson is not good teaching.)

Something else to remember about Skwisgaar is that he has been playing and practicing since he was a child. "Fatherklok" shows us a glimpse of how Skwisgaar got his first guitar, and how attached he had become to that guitar, showing that he has been practicing for years and years and years. He has also been in countless bands before Dethklok like said in "Snakes n' Barrels", when they're naming off bands they have been in. Skwisgaar has discipline to the craft and an ego to match. He is known as a glowing guitar god. That's why "Skwisklok" is so important for the viewers to understand the amount of stress that title brings him. He knows he's the best but he also knows that everyone eventually falls, including himself. That's why he is so stressed about the show, because not only does he have to be good at playing guitar, he has to be good at teaching the guitar (which is shown in "Dethlessons" that Skwisgaar may not be completely talented in teaching guitar than he is playing. Granted, in the special features video that actually shows an episode of Skwisgaar teaching the guitar part to the Duncan Hills Coffee jingle, he is capable of teaching. It may not be his strong suit, but he can do it when need be. This also goes back to the idea that Skwisgaar's strong suit is guitar playing due to years of practicing)

In both episodes, "Dethlessons" and "Bookklok", the viewers see how stressed out Skwisgaar becomes when his title is compromised (Specifically by Toki but again, that's their own specific relationship) It can be implied that, without his guitar, Skwisgaar believes that he doesn't have a place in music (obviously "Fatherklok" showed us Skwisgaar can be a regular jackoff, but this is about his thought process, not his actual capabilities.) If he didn't believe that, he wouldn't be so freaked out and catatonic when his title is compromised by Toki.

"Dethlessons" and "Bookklok" also show us a side of Skwisgaar where, despite his fears, he still cares deeply for Toki's abilities and wants him to play good, though this is usually shown when it's apparent that Toki isn't going to be able to top Skwisgaar's playing ability (which goes back to that ego of his of being the best.)

It's also important to note that Skwisgaar writes all of the guitar and bass rifts for the band, meaning that anything he could play, they should be able to play, despite knowing he was always going to re-record their parts while knowing his bandmates limitations. I see it as Skwisgaar presenting them a challenge they could barely win in and then deciding at the last second that it's too difficult for them and yanking it away, destroying any possible effort, progress, or self esteem. In "Bookklok", Skwisgaar and Toki's interaction before the solo really shows how much importance Skwisgaar puts on practicing. But this episode also brings their relationship to a head, where Skwisgaar's constant negativity toward Toki's playing destroys their relationship, but it is not invalid. Skwisgaar has absolutely valid reasons for not letting Toki play the solo, especially if he had not been practicing, however, constant denial and bullying by Skwisgaar to Toki over years makes Toki's feelings also valid about being constantly snubbed.

How many solos has Toki been snubbed out of or destroyed by Skwisgaar due to his jealousy?

It's also important to note that Army of the Doomstar does have Skwisgaar genuinely teaching and complimenting Toki's guitar abilities, specifically about during a time when Toki practiced. That is an important detail because Skwisgaar does not compliment Toki's guitar playing in the show nor does he show any genuine interest in actually teaching Toki either (that doesn't end with Skwisgaar or Toki being upset.) This tiny interaction shows the viewers that Once Upon a Time, Skwisgaar did not have to worry about getting Toki (or Murderface) to practice and even liked it when they practiced.

Now remember: Skwisgaar regularly writes and re-records Toki's and Murderface's parts for the albums, despite making them record over and over in the first place. At one point, Toki did practice and Skwisgaar was aware of it, even saying it was good. This was most likely not a problem for Skwisgaar so he did not freak out.

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Toki's Apathy and Work Ethic

Toki (my love) is what I would call, gifted. I truly believe that Toki's character is suppose to represent the musically gifted or naturally talented. He has the type of talent that people could only dream of possessing. I say this because Toki's ability to shred like he does during "The Duel" makes to no sense without being gifted. Toki's childhood is isolated, desolated, physically and mentally abusive, neglected, and frowned upon. Toki was the outcast, he was the forsaken, the forgotten. He should be dead, but he isn't. He shouldn't have known about the village closest to his home but he did. He shouldn't have known Runke but he did. Toki is a story of perseverance and looking for the light in the dark and not letting it consume him. (He is VERY Cinderella coded.) Toki represents the raw talent of guitar playing. We are never shown nor is it talked about where Toki's love for guitar came from or how he first came upon it or for how long he had been playing for before meeting Dethklok, but it couldn't have been a long time.

The only clue he do get is that he was once friends with Runke, the owner of Drep Du Selv, a black metal record shop. With no other information, it's safe to say that Toki probably got his love for music and metal from that store, and probably from Runke personally. It can be inferred that Toki was probably sent out for errands in the village, came across the store, and fell in love with music. The topic of Toki being professionally taught by Runke or if he learned on his own is anyone's guess, especially when the wiki describes Runke as being slightly rude to Toki when he comes in. Toki has a hard time understanding what a "good" friend is suppose to be (E.I. Dr. Rockso, Magnus.) so what Toki remembered as a friend, was maybe more a begrudged acquaintance.

So, with that being said, Toki is probably self taught with very minimal interactions with other guitarists or musicians to guide him in the right direction. Toki's home is very rustic. I can't recall if the house showed any signs of having electricity, but it wouldn't be out of the realm that they wouldn't. That means Toki probably couldn't actually hear his own electric guitar, since he has no amps, cords, or other electrical devices to help him. Toki either had to practice at Drep Du Selv or he practiced WITHOUT HEARING HIS GUITAR PROPERLY!

The guitar he is seen playing in "The Duel" is also banged up and held together with duct tape, and is seen as being that way from the beginning. This means Toki was practicing guitar with no electricity on a busted and possibly broken guitar.

Also remember, Toki can't read music, so it would be very hard for him to learn on his own without understanding sheet music while being at the level Toki was when he first met Skwisgaar.

Which takes us back to Toki's journey to meet Dethklok. We aren't shown how Toki is kicked out, but it's implied it's due to his passion for guitar. At this point. Toki is probably well within teaching himself cords and melodies. Granted, we do not know anybody's actual age, but I have always seen Toki in his teens when he is kicked out. Whatever time frame was between Toki being kicked out, his journey to America, and his life on the streets is up to interpretation, but a year doesn't sound too far off, in my opinion.

All of this in between time, all of this time when Toki is in the punishment hole before being kicked out, all of his precious free time, Toki was most likely filling it with practicing the guitar the best way he could. Toki has a wild imagination, as we see with the clown doll we see in the punishment hole or his spider-dad in "Dethzazz". What's to say he wasn't constantly imagining his life as a famous guitarist, playing on stage or people, where he is loved and adored and no one hurts him anymore.

With all that being said, TOKI PRACTICED! HE PRACTICED!

At "The Duel", Toki's raw talent mixed with his determination to play guitar despite his challenges, is the reason why Skwisgaar chose him above anyone else. He made Skwisgaar feel challenged, which is not something anyone has done before, because no one before him has ever been as dedicated to the craft as him.

Toki and Skwisgaar are both dedicated musicians in their own right, in their own obstacles, in their own influences.

And that's where the problem lies.

Where Skwisgaar could feel himself growing and changing and getting better, Toki couldn't because his mentor/friend/rival knew his potential and wanted Toki to reach him, but not so much Toki would surpass him due to his perfectionism, stress, and self esteem issues. Skwisgaar's instance for better guitar playing, Toki's back and forth relationship with Skwisgaar being friends and rivals, and Toki getting used to Nathan's methods of recording, caused a feeling of apathy to grow in Toki.

"Why does it matter if I practice or not when I'm constantly being scrutinized and then replaced?"

Over the years of being in the band, just like how Toki described his and Skwisgaar's relationship in "Bookklok", it was once very good then bit by bit, it began to crumble. No more compliments, no more comradery, no more genuine interest (at least to Toki's perspective). As time would go on, Toki's passion for practicing guitar would eventually die down until practicing just became a thing of the past, while his passion for other things, like videogames, went up.

It is also important to note that practicing for adult Toki is not completely gone. In "Tributeklok", Toki/Skwisgaar is fully capable of playing the lead guitarist in Thunderhorse with no hiccups or problems. "Dethlessons" where Toki seeks out guitar lessons from Skwisgaar and his guitar teacher, shows determination from Toki to get better at guitar. "Bookklok" also shows us that, with the right motivation (and a power trip), Toki is fully prepared and able to play a solo to a sold out crowd, completely confidant in his abilities, unlike in "Dethlessons" when he initially freaks out. "Bookklok" Toki shows us a Toki that has most definitely practiced for this show, with a costume and attitude to match.

In Army of the Doomstar, we finally get a chance to see Skwisgaar genuinely teach Toki something about his guitar, and tell him he needs to practice "like when he was good". No buckets of blood, no yelling, no insults, no fighting. Just a genuine tip and a stern notion to practice with a compliment. And what does he do? HE PRACTICES!

So apathy has not completely destroyed Toki's ability to practice, but extreme circumstances have to happen for him to even want to do it again, which isn't viable.

Now remember: Toki represents raw talent with serious determination and discipline for guitar playing in horrible conditions. He did practice and can practice. Constant belittlement of his talents, especially by Skwisgaar, has rendered him to be apathetic toward practicing. However, Toki seems more inclined to practice when he is given a reason, such as a power trip or by positive reinforcement and lessons.

Murderface's Apathy and Work Ethic

Murderface (my other love) is what I would call, spiteful. We get almost 0 information on his background other than: his parents murder-suicide, growing up with his grandparents, he threatened his principal so he could graduated while only drinking, smoking, and playing bass, and that he is most likely Southern American based on his confederate flag boxers and pension for Early American wars.

From what can be gathered, Murderface is an angry boy that turned into an angry man. Murderface's parent's deaths most likely uprooted Stella and Thunderbolt's entire retirement plan (along with Thunderbolt's stroke) Seeing from how Stella dresses and how we see Thunderbolt for the first time, Murderface's childhood was probably one in poverty. Mixed with medical debt, new child debt, the loss of a son and daughter-in-law, and with a seemingly already angry outlook on life (and possible Southern Baptist Christian religious values) Stella most likely raised Murderface in a very angry and unsafe home.

With how we see Stella talk and hit Murderface the few times she's on screen, their relationship as grandson and grandmother is probably very very strained, toxic, and hostile. I could imagine Stella being particularly cruel and hateful toward Murderface, crushing any kind of attempt to connect.

It is canon that all Murderface wants is to be loved and love back. But how is one suppose to do that when they grow up in a home that hates him, blames him, tells him that he's nothing, that he can't do a damn thing right, that he's stupid, and that he isn't going to be anything?

That's the difference between Toki and Murderface. Where Toki refused to be swallowed up by the hatred, Murderface embraced it, and it became his saving grace.

We see Murderface try to take credit for things he hasn't done or try to say he's an expert in something that he barely knows anything about. It's half assed attempts to get things for himself, but also, for people to admire him for something he is good at. Toki is known as a copy cat, but Murderface mimics a lot, especially intelligence for things that people often respect. I could imagine Murderface trying his best as child to make friends but his constant failure of "everything" ruining it for him. The things that made him him were not good enough. So he would start mimicking what got other people positive attention. Which would lead to him being caught and getting in trouble, but with his background of being an angry household, anger and violence was how he would react to being called out, making him more of an outcast.

This is also why we see Murderface wanting to constantly give his bandmates "advice", because it mimic's someone respected and someone that people want to listen to. It's not the best when he forces it, but at times, when he is being genuine, like when Murderface is consoling Nathan about his G.E.D. test, it does make him into someone that people want to listen to.

Now, while we have no timeline for Murderface at all, we can say that he was playing bass in high school, so a good 4 years of his teenage years were spent playing bass. So somewhere in his childhood, Murderface found the bass, he started drinking, and he starting smoking. He also completely gave up on his high school career to focus on the bass.

Why would he do that?

Because Murderface's passion for the bass didn't come naturally.

He found himself a niche he was good at and got him the tiniest bit of attention, and he ran with it. Why would he focus on something, like school, where he was probably bullied and teased by his peers, teachers, and family when he could focus all his time on something he was actually good at, like bass. Something important like bass got him attention and praise and the connection he longed for. So he practiced for years, day in and day out, in order to get a taste of admiration.

But not only did he practice with his hands, he practiced with his penis. Murderface has CALLUSUES on his DICK! You only get those when you practice over and over and over again! Murderface in Dethklok is known for his dick bass solos! It's what makes him very unique compared to any other bassists.

So, Murderface HAS A WORK ETHIC! HE HAS MOTIVATION! He wants to be admired and respected and he wants people to like him. So he practices. However, I don't think bass playing is his top passion, which makes him more suspectable to lazing about and not practicing.

During "Religionklok", Murderface keeps getting gifted basses from the band while in the hospital, even when he has a pile next to him just growing, and he doesn't look too excited to get them either.

Now, in "Birthdayface", the band gifts Murderface the Kennedy car with Abe's chair and a car destruction lot, and he sheds a single blood tear.

He shows more emotion toward the car than he does the bass, which makes me think that Murderface's passion for the bass is because it pulled him out of poverty and into the limelight and not because it's his greatest passion, where that would be history. (This is not to say that Murderface has no passion for bass, he obvious takes great pride in his dick playing and has never once decided to pick up another instrument.)

Murderface, for as lazy as he is, ABSOLUTLY HAS A WORK ETHIC AND CAN AND HAS PRACTICED HIS BASS BEFORE! He would not have been in Dethklok if he sucked. Nathan would not consider him the brutalist bass player if he sucked. Murderface sucks in a way where his playing can never really be beat by anyone else but he's not giving bass playing his full attention either. Murderface is the best bass player in the world, but the band is not acknowledging it, and is constantly the butt of jokes for his instrument.

He is responding to the bands bullying like how he responded with the kids at school. The one thing that made him liked in school, his bass playing, now made him a running joke in the band, so he's desperately trying to find something else to make them respect and admire him. That's why he is always trying to do something, like start his own band, "Planet Piss", be fire chief for the band, claim the title "band dad", claim writing credits but he knows he sucks at all of these things. Of course he does, he's self aware enough to know these things, but he still tries, because he's desperate for their attention and respect.

And when Murderface is looking to try something else, he isn't practicing, and when he's not practicing, he's not good at the one thing that got him in the band in the first place. This results in more bullying, more cutting of his takes, more desperate moves for attention, and more spitefulness.

Murderface only knows how to respond in spitefulness, so when faced with Skwisgaar and Nathan's perfectionism, he only grows more bitter and cold toward his playing and becomes completely apathetic to it, knowing that he could never truly please them anymore, and has to find something else.

Now remember: Murderface is an original member for Dethklok and has shown and talked about years of practicing. He craves loves and attention but is bullied by the band for the one thing he knows he is good at it. The bullying and perfectionism of those he desperately wants approval from makes Murderface branch out into other niches or ways to get that positive attention, which negatively effects his playing. Bass is most likely not his number one passion, and thus more likely to be pushed aside for other favored passions, like history.

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Magnus Hammersmith

Magnus is a very interesting character but I will keep this part short in reference to the theory.

Very limited knowledge is known about Magnus but just enough is known of his early involvement with Dethklok and why his removal brought the band so much stress.

Magnus most likely had industry experience but was never in a band, perse. From the clues in the show we get, Magnus is an OG member for Dethklok. He is so OG, that he is still known as an Ex-Member of Dethklok. You can see it on the flier for Rock-a-Roonie camp in Toki's room. This means that Magnus was a part of the band when they were actively giving out music. At least enough for people to see his name in the credits.

Now, Doomstar gives us a look at Dethklok's old band manager, an unnamed man, but someone before Charles. However, in "Renovationklok", we see Charles is Dethklok's band manager when signing on to Crystal Mountain Records and Magnus is in the back. So it's safe to assume that Magnus was there in the very very beginning of the band. It's also safe to assume that, when Roy is talking to the band in "Breakupklok" about receiving a CD with a sharpie written name on the front called "Dethklok", we can assume he is not referring to Toki on this CD, but Magnus.

We also get a glimpse of a Dethklok with Magnus in it where everyone looks happy, where they are all friends. I am assuming the picture was taken before being signed on, because Magnus leaving and Toki coming in, had to have happened AFTER they were signed onto the label, as Magnus was at the signing!

The reason Magnus probably snapped at the band is because he too is a perfectionist. This was his first band and he didn't know quite how to handle the pressure that came with it. Everyone else in the group had a good handle of keeping themselves in line, except Magnus. Magnus, who is known only for being an Ex-member of Dethklok and nothing else. Magnus, who once put under a lot of pressure, attacked Nathan by stabbing him in the back. Magnus, who was kicked out the band after being signed on, thus creating a 5th member slot open.

The conversation between the band, Charles, and Crystal Mountain Records was probably not good, not at all. In fact, it probably brought the pressure up tenfold, seeing how a member was missing, an instrument would have to either be filled or deleted from their already created songs, and this would be their first real record as a band, which could make or break them.

With Magnus' departure, the pressure was on.

Thus, welcoming Toki, into a steaming kettle pot of stress.

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Timeline

This timeline describes the theory as it begins. The analysis describes how the boys are all suspectable for perfectionism/apathy and how that carried over with them through the career.

It goes as followed:

Pickles leaves Snakes n' Barrels

Nathan graduates HS

Skwisgaar comes to the US in search of another band

Murderface is entering high school, practicing bass, drinking, and smoking.

Toki is learning how to play in secret in Norway

Pickles meets Magnus at an industry party and discuss a partnership of sorts but nothing concrete happens

Nathan puts out fliers for a band "Dethklok", looking for musicians

Skwisgaar finds a flyer, auditions, and joins

Murderface continues to practice and threatens the principal to leave him be

Nathan and Skwisgaar struggle to find other members for the band, so have to go in and out of jackoff jobs for a few years

Pickles joins a few bands to fill his pocket with Magnus by his side, producing or engineering for a few years

Nathan and Skwisgaar wind up at an industry party, where they meet Pickles and Magnus. From here, they audition as musicians and get in. They get their first manager.

Murderface graduates HS and runs away from home to Florida, where he stumbles upon the flier and auditions for Dethklok, getting in.

Toki is found out by his parents and kicks out of the home, resulting in Toki being homeless

Dethklok produces a few songs with their old manager but decide to kick him out once they learn he was embezzling money from them

Dethklok meets Charles through an employment office, using the last of their money to hire a new manager who knows his shit.

Toki works his way through Europe until he can find a way across the ocean to America.

Charles is able to get a Dethklok CD to Roy Cornickelson, CEO of Crystal Mountain Records and he likes them. The band is signed on shortly after. They are given a year to produce a full album with a sign on bonus. They use the money to buy equipment and roadies, also known as "Klokateers".

Toki is able to get a boat ticket that will take him to Florida

The pressure of making the record begins to get to the band, specifically Magnus, which results in him insulting the band.

Toki is in Florida, living on the streets, and playing and going to any audition that was open, only for none of them to want him since he was a gross looking homeless boy

While practicing, Pickles changed the drum pattern that Magnus created, causing a fight to break out between Nathan and Magnus.

Magnus is kicked out the band.

Magnus destroys the apartment and the equipment, along with threatening the band and insulting Murderface.

The sign on bonus is dwindling quicker once new instruments had to be bought

Dethklok tells Charles what happens and he schedules a meeting with Roy. Roy is not happy. They had a decision to make. Either redo the whole album without a rhythm guitarist or find another member, and fast, as the deadline is virtually around the corner.

Dethklok decides to hold auditions for a rhythm guitarist, Skwisgaar decided to dual them all and if one can beat him, then they can join

Toki find the flier for the audition, gets lost on the way, and arrives late. Skwisgaar decided to let him duel, they duel, and Toki is let in the band.

With the deadline approaching, Nathan and Skwisgaar are very concerned about the album, and plus the introduction of a new member.

While recording Toki and Murderface's parts, Nathan and Skwisgaar are pushed to their limits at being perfectionists, nitpicking everything about their playing. Pickles ends up having to reel them in when Toki looks close to crying and Murderface looks close to murder

Toki and Murderface both manage to get their parts recorded, but are then deleted and redone by Skwisgaar in fear that the band will suffer and fail due to an inexperienced teenage guitarist and a hot-headed bass player.

Pickles finds out, and while also sharing their same fears, tells them that what they did was not cool. Skwisgaar and Nathan end up keeping a few of their original recordings in the songs that they don't care for so much as the other, EP style singles, as a way to appease Pickles and to make their "not guilt guilt" feeling go away

Toki and Murderface do find out from a drunk Pickles that a majority of their stuff was erased from the album upon completion and they are equally hurt by the revelation

Their hurt gets pushed to the side once the money starts coming in and Toki is still revealing in the fact that he has a family now and is no longer on the streets

Toki and Murderface decide to let it go and focus on the positive the album has brought them

Nathan and Skwisgaar secretly credit their re-recordings for the reason that the album did so well, and continue to do it, becoming less and less secretive as time went on

Toki becomes more and more hurt and confused as to why his once amazing guitar playing skills were being deleted and scrutinized by the same guy who wanted him

Murderface is hurt that the one thing he believed he was good at was now not enough, thus loosening his hold on his passion and seeing out other things to get their attention

Toki and Murderface become apathetic to practicing as their parts are always re-recorded, deleted, or never mixed in

Skwisgaar and Nathan believe they are doing the right thing for the band and get upset when Toki and Murderface don't practice

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Conclusion

The cycle of being deleted and bullied and being upset that their bandmates aren't doing their best end up creating some animosity in the band. It isn't until Army of the Doomstar that the band will be able to fix their wrongs, work toward being better toward each other, embrace each others own unique abilities and styles with their instruments, and apologize to one another. Toki and Murderface feel re-energized to practice once more and Nathan and Skwisgaar are instead working with the material they have instead of trying to force something out of a hundred+ takes.

It is also important to note that Dethalbum IV is said to have more rhythmic guitar and bass sounds than previous albums, thus concluding to a musical standpoint that Skwisgaar is writing and letting Toki and Murderface shine on this album rather than mixed out to hidden behind the lead guitarist. This development is incredible and backs up what

And THAT is why I think Toki and Murderface don't practice!

[queenofallimagines]

Omg hello!! I just read your devotee headcanons(they were all amazing I loved them) for the brothers and I just wanted to ask if you could do one for guardian angel simeon???in my religion we believe that every person has a guardian angel so imagine how funny it would be when you come down to the devildom and simeon is like :o it's you!!

Certainly beloved!💕 I think this one might be the longest😭

Simeon:

- unlike the others, notices right off the bat

- He’s been assigned to you since before birth like come on he could recognize you by just an eyelash

- Will be slightly hurt if you don’t recognize him

- “You don’t remember me?🥺 but I sing you a lullaby when you were 2”

- Sir…. Please be serious, that’s like 3 seconds of memory

- Will passive aggressively push for you to move in with him in purgatory hall

- Lucifer is exhausted because he’s always there

- “You act like you LIVE here. Go back to YOUR dorms!”

- “Bold of you to think I would leave MY precious, amazing human here will all of you unsupervised”

- He’s not about to stop being clingy neither

- Sharing old stories at student coy meetings like you have got to stop him before he gets out a photo album 😭

- Scolds you like a parent

- “I know you’re now doing what you shouldn’t be”

- Luke is your honorary baby brother

- Will ask Luke to watch you like he’s tall enough to reach the microwave

- “Luke I’ll be back in a minute make sure they don’t have any more sweets”

- Like you’re literally grown💀please tell him to back off a little or this will get worse

- When he realizes he’s falling for you in a way Guardian Angels shouldn’t. He panics

- This the same shit Lilith did

- And he got demoted for just AGREEING with Lucifer about the war

- Hides it like he’s gonna take it to the grave, especially from Luke

- You notice he starts avoiding you a little and will lie through his teeth that he’s just feeling a little under the weather

- Lucifer peeped game though, and he’s like yeah absolutely NOT

- he’s not letting anything else happen to any more of his Family

- Will lock your ass up until he gets Simeon alone to have a talk with him

- Like you now have a curfew 😭

- Listen…. He would tear apart the entire exchange program over lesson 16,,,,

- Like y know how Diavolo said Simeon is the ONE person he doesn’t want to piss off?

- Yeah it’s like inconsolable now

- In any timeline any life any dimension he will feel you’re endanger

- In like Bible canon they really can’t help unless god gives them the okay so they’re often times forced to watch the one they were bound to protect suffer

- But this is the devildom and he don’t really got eyes down here. So who’s to stop him from coming to your aid??

- Even though you’re “technically” okay he’s still like not having it

- As soon as it happens he feels a sharp cold pain throughout his entire body and drops whatever he’s holding

- Struggling to remember how to breathe all he can think about is sprinting to the house of lamentation

- Busts open the doors to see you in mammon arms, and it’s like his whole world shatters

- He hears belphie laughing, and he’s never felt rage like this before

- Lucifer is fighting for his LIFE because he’s having to balance feeling grief, shock,rage, and also try to keep his brothers from going off the deep end so he’s like frozen

- Can’t think fast enough to stop Simeon from unleashing some divine punishment on this spoiled brat

- Lucifer does snatch him up because he will literally kill him in cold blood right there if he doesn’t reason with him

- Almost snaps back on Lucifer before you show up again for the intermission

- Shaking and crying with relief

- You’re gonna make him literally faint MC please😭

- Like don’t the angels use a LOT of magic to keep their emotions in check so they don’t go crazy like demons do?

- They’re having to suppress every emotion ever and dull those

- So he’s got like a couple of eons of just raw feelings pent-up beating his ass all at once

- When you explain the reveal he’s like REALLY about to throw up

- Lucifer and everyone are like feeling relief and are glad you’re okay

- Almost wants to break mammon arms for holding you and barely letting anyone else get near you

- But he’s frozen in shock too

- Lucifer side eying Simon like,,,,, me too bro, but he has NO idea how to talk to him about that?

- Settles for holding you as tight as possible and whispering a prayer into your hair for protection

- Teaches you to use your angel powers

- But doubles down on his over protectiveness

- Helicopter angel now

- Which doesn’t really mesh well with Lucifer’s attachment anxiety

- will come pick you up at random ass times and whisk you away for no reason

- Like the exam is in a month why are you studying devildom history now???

- Causing Lucifer to freak the fuck out when he does his randomly scheduled MC room check-ups

- Doesn’t even think to text you before hyperventilating

- Luckily enough, the first time you come back with Simeon attached at the hip

- Him and Lucifer have gotten into it a few times over this

- Dia is forced to call a student council meeting without you present

- You and Luke think the meeting is tomorrow and are making snacks

- he’s like okay Simeon you can’t keep doing this

- And he goes OFF

- Like this is HIS fault for not watching and protecting you

- Like if this is supposed to be for human angels and demons to coexist you’re doing a shit job

- Almost single-handedly shuts down the program by saying he will take you home and make sure they never get near you ever again

- Lucifer feeling so much guilt he can’t breathe is trying to be in his best behavior and be rational, but Simeon is relentless

- He’s talking out the side of his neck until he snaps back on some “you’re literally following in Lilith’s footsteps! Do you not think that the celestial real won’t also deal out a punishment for MC? You falling from grace isn’t the only thing on the line here.”

- OOP

- It’s suddenly crickets

- Even Barbados is like 😦🫢

- He can’t even deny those allegations so he’s just like glaring at him

- Solomon steps in bc WOW this is getting crazy

- Reasons with him that because you have a pact with all of them now they CANT hurt you and you’re training under him as a sorcerer so you’ll be fully equipped to defend yourself from anything

- Simeon relents at least sitting back down in his chair

- Explains there really nobody best as a candidate for representing the three realms than you being a part of all three of them

- (Lilith when she died wasn’t an angel or a demon but something in between so in my head MC has always been all three; human demon and angel and that’s why they’re extra immune to demon magic)

- Simeon agreeing to chill out a little bit swearing if anything else ever happens to you, he wouldn’t hesitate to target whoever’s directly responsible

- Imagine how awkward the actual meeting is tomorrow 😭

- You’re having a great morning and everyone holding they breath

- Barbados my beloved is the only one who’s got enough sense and acting skills to act like nothing happened

- When you stop lord Doavolo mid-sentence to ask what the FUCK is up with these rancid vibes

- Barbatos kindly informs you that it’s the stress from a new school event that diavolo has yet to announce

- “It happens annually (lie) and it’s usually very exhausting to put together. Perhaps you can alleviate some of that for us.”

- Everyone subtlety lets out the breath they were holding seeing you so excited to help out

- Barbatos stirring the pot a little more ALSO suggests you run the maid bunny café

- Suddenly everyone forgets what the elephant in the room was and is now talking over each other

- There was no school event btw LMAO so they just had to make one up and then take three weeks to prepare for it.

- Great way to lift the spirits though✨

[lowkeyrobin]

Hiiii! i love ur writing and was wondering if u could do Tommy, Quackity, Niki, Charlie, and Philza with an s/o (close friend for Phil) who is in a riot grrrl band???

stuff like this:

HAVE A NICE DAY/MORNING/NIGHT:]]]

oooo okay!! I can definitely try! I don't listen to many riot bands so excuse any weird stuff that doesn't totally make sense ; have a nice day/night to you too 🫶🫶🫶 ; made sure to make this as gn as possible for everyone so I apologize if it goes against the more feminine aspect of the genre/kinda ruins it 🙏

MCYT ; riot band

includes ; tommyinnit, quackity, nihachu, slimecicle, & philza

warnings ; language

y/b/n = your band name

y/f/n = your fandom name

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he loves your music

you're the heaviest band he listens to 🙏🙏 he does try and get into the genre more because he does actually enjoy your music

you're the lead singer for your band, so every time he hears your vocals, he gets all smiley, even in public, which he tries to hide

will make sure to attend every single one of your gigs and record the whole thing LMAO

if he's like the perfect distance away from the stage, you'll sneakily look at him to help your nerves and make it feel like he's the only one in the room

he helps you write lyrics as well/get inspo for new songs

"and it goes in a rythym like ba-dada-bum-ba-dada-bum, yknow?"

extra points if your band sounds a lot like Hole or Veruca Salt, bc he'd definitely have some of their songs on a playlist

casually your biggest fan, always reposting gig dates and playing your music on stream

leaving comments under picture posts on the band insta like "come back to brighton for my birthday please, I beg" and "its to early to be served perfection, wait a few hours :("

he doesn't always make sense but he's loving and absolutely loves your music dw

NIKI NIHACHU

she is the number one fan

she got your bands top listener and has over 15k minutes of listening time by the end of the year

you're lead guitar, so she's always interested in watching you play and how you move your hands and fingers to create such a cool sound

extra bonus points if your band uses that kind of echoey down to your soul feel, kinda like suicideboys or lil peep (best examples I got bc I'm not into this genre very much lmao)

always bringing you up in conversation as well

if anyone's looking for bands to listen to, you're a million percent the first she suggests

you show her new chords you wanna use or expand on and she just watches and listens so intently

always playing your music on chill streams and recommending her viewers to listen to your band, and always points out that its you playing lead guitar

"personally, I think you should be winning a Grammy this year"

"ehhh... MTV awards are better"

"I'm gonna go get you nominated for the MTV awards then, I'll be back"

"I don't think that's how it works!-"

ALEX QUACKITY

he mostly listens to stuff like victoria monet, the weeknd, childish gambino, sza, etc

but being dragged into the rabbit hole of riot bands expanded his music taste a lotttt

you're the lead singer of course (main character hours)

yk the clip of him on the qsmp and metro boomin randomly starts playing? that happens but with your band!

"whoops- I-I have no idea why the hell that started playing, sorry! the last thing I was listening to wasn't even y/b/n, the fuck?"

he gets all his close friends hooked on your music as well

bonus points if you get a more grunge kinda feel in there like foo fighters or nirvana

always posting pics of you from gigs or reposting pics of you/your band

and always leaving comments like "vocal lessons when?" and "gig near you ✅️ gig near me ❌️"

always roasting your music as a joke as well

"the blueprint 3, one album, solos y/b/n. sorry y/n"

"must I bring up-"

"nope!"

CHARLIE SLIMECICLE

he looks like the type of guy to secretly have a 200 song long playlist of punk music idk

you're the bassist, and he loves making you play shit on stream for him lmao

also loves reposting anything relating to you and your band, fanart, random rants about your music, gig dates, new music release dates, photos, etc

don't get him started on the edits

he'll randomly blurt out random noises and rythyms and boom, writers block gone, new song? made.

serious bonus points if you sound the slightest bit like joey valance & brae

you show him how to play bass a bit as well

always recording every gig, he's so proud of you, plus the lights make you look so good

always talking about you as well

"my partner is a bassist in a band, I think they solo all of you losers"

"Charlie what?? when were we talking about significant others?"

"since I said so, bitch!"

cue video game car crash

he has a little thing in the bottom of the stream screen with the album cover w a spinning record next to it, and on top is the song & band name. 80% of the time it's just your band

^he uses that during his stream starting soon segments, bathroom/snack breaks, or chill streams on the qsmp

PHILZA

he and kristen both love your music

he sees you like his kid so he's going the extra mile to support you all the time

from streaming your music in the car to reposting and posting about gig dates, new music and merch drops, etc etc

you even have your own little section in his Discord titled 'y/b/n chat' (and another for announcements about your band/notifs OK social media titled 'y/b/n announcements')

when spotify wrapped comes around, your his third most listened to artist, and kristen's second LMAO

"aweee thank you father, I appreciate your loyalty to y/f/n and the band 🫶"

always bringing up your music as well, especially when streaming with friends

"Tommy, did you listen to y/b/n's new song yet? I think you'd like it"

"wait wait hold on lemme pull it up"

he goes to a few of your gigs with kristen and he's just chilling in the back like a proud parent

you always find him and smile because he's there cheering you on

he's more of a dad than your actual dad bro

[yandere-writer-momo]

🌶️ Yandere Baki Short Stories: Longing (Final) 🌶️

Yandere Katsumi Orochi x Afab Reader

Minors DNI!!

Trigger Warnings: Yandere behavior, breeding kink, obsession, etc

Part 1

4.4k words

Katsumi glanced at the clock. It was a quarter past one in the morning… he was sure (your name) was fast asleep and yet he was still restless.

Katsumi quietly rose up from his bed to make his way to the kitchen for a glass of ice water. After his late night endeavor, he was parched.

Katsumi softly tiptoed through the house, careful not to make a peep. He’d hate to wake up (your name)…

Katsumi quietly opened the cupboard and picked up a glass cup. The young man gently shut the cupboard door shut and made his way over to the sink to fill up his glass.

Katsumi greedily gulped down the cold water and sighed. It seemed he was going to have yet another restless night.

As he made his way back to his room, he heard a soft groan. The young man paused and glanced at the door that was ajar to (your name)’s room. It wouldn’t hurt to peak would it?

Katsumi peaked his head into her room and saw her snuggled underneath a multitude of blankets. Her small body curled up into a plain white body pillow. She was so cute…

Katsumi found himself automatically move to her side when she mumbled incoherently in her sleep. Her brows furrowed a bit as she smushed herself further into the body pillow. Katsumi’s heart clenched at the sight.

He reached his left hand down to brush a few stray hairs from her face. (Your name) unconsciously leaned into the touch with a content sigh. Katsumi warmed at her reaction.

He sat himself on the corner of her bed, his hand contently stroked her soft hairs before he moved to stroke the soft skin of her face. And that’s when he caught himself run his thumb across her plump lips. He froze in horror.

Why was he being such a weirdo? Katsumi wanted to smash his head into a wall at first until her lips pressed tenderly against his thumb. He felt his breath hitch at the light touch.

Katsumi slowly lifted his hand up and pressed his lips to the spot she kissed. He shuddered in awe. This was an indirect kiss… how badly he wanted to press his lips against hers.

Katsumi cast one last look toward (your name) before he left the room. Katsumi put his palm over his face once the shame set in. He was sick. He was so sick…

But why had those simple touches felt so right?

.

.

.

As of late, he caught himself taking pictures of her doing her day to day activities. Whether she ate food, took a nap, watched a movie, etc, Katsumi had a picture of it.

To try to ease his longing for her, he had printed out each picture and put them into a photo album. He frequently had to refill the album, because he found himself kissing all the older photos until the faces disappeared off them. Oops.

Katsumi crawled in bed with her almost every night. He couldn’t sleep without her body by his side. (Your name) was his only solace… his light. His love.

Katsumi couldn’t bear to be a part from her. It drove him mad.

At this point, Katsumi had finally figured out that his feelings are not normal. That this was spiraling out of control and he might act upon his alien feelings towards the young woman.

He needed to let his feelings be known, or otherwise, he’d be be consumed in his obsession.

.

.

.

Lately (your name) would wake up in a pool of sweat, which was abnormal for her. She always kept her room at a sensible degree but as of late, she’d been so hot in her sleep. Maybe she needed to shed a few blankets?

The young woman sighed and shook her head. She had been so tired as of late… she felt drained…

(Your name) made her way towards the kitchen only to spot a shirtless Katsumi by the fridge. The carton of orange juice in his hand. He had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar…

“Hey! What did I tell you about drinking out of the carton?” (Your name) scolded him with a laugh, the young man bashfully hid his face.

(Your name)’s cheeks flushed a bit when she noticed his visible V line. Why did Katsumi have to be so attractive? He had the perfect build and his demeanor was so cute…

Wait. Did she have a crush on him?

Katsumi noticed the flushed look on her face and it made his heart race. What was on her mind? Hopefully it was him.

.

.

.

(Your name) noticed a change in Katsumi as the weeks went by. He was touchier and was always a bit too into her personal space. It bugged her but she wondered if he was just naturally a touchy guy.

Just like now, he sat beside her on the couch as she watched a movie. His arm on the back of the couch, just barely above her shoulders… she wondered if he needed anything? Maybe he was cold since she had the blanket?

“Katsumi?” Katsumi immediately turned his head to her, he reminded her of a puppy with his happy demeanor. “Are you cold?”

Katsumi’s cheeks flushed a bright red. Did she just offer to share the blanket with him? Was she making the first move?

“I am a little bit, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Katsumi replied softly, a tender look in his eye. “We could… share it.”

(Your name) thought for a moment but then she scooted towards Katsumi. She opened up her blanket and offered him some, only for Katsumi to scoop his arm around her and pull her towards him. A shocked gasp spilled from her lips.

“Katsumi!” (Your name) squeaked but Katsumi only chuckled.

“Sorry… but isn’t this more comfortable?” Katsumi gave her a cheesy smile, his arm wrapped firmly around her waist. Her back was pressed into his broad chest, which left no room for escape.

(Your name) sighed and accepted defeat. Katsumi was so warm… like a furnace. And she could smell the scent of oranges and clean linen on him. Something about him felt so oddly comforting.

Katsumi smiled when she curled into his embrace. Did he dare to be a bit bolder?

“(Your name)?” Katsumi smiled down at the young woman who innocently glanced up at him. Her head tilted off the the side a bit, a lump caught in his throat when their eyes met. He needed to make the first move.

“Yes?”

Katsumi gulped down the lump, and leaned down. His lips pressed softly against the top of her head. (Your name) merely froze in place like a deer caught in the head lights.

Katsumi swiftly pulled away, his eyes widen in shock. Did he make her uncomfortable?

“I’m sorry-“ (your name) tenderly pressed her lips to his chin, a shy smile on her face.

“It’s okay… I enjoyed it.” (Your name) awkwardly leaned a bit more into his chest, which left Katsumi stunned. The young man blankly stared off into the distance for a bit until he shook his head.

“Wait… do you like me too?” Katsumi whispered, both of their faces erupted into a bright shade of red.

“Well… I-I mean… um.” (Your name) was at a loss for words. She clutched her hands to her chest to try to calm her anxious heart. She didn’t know what to say… or what to do. She’s never dated before. She was so close to a full blown panic.

Katsumi placed his hand on her cheek to turn her head to face him. His eyes half lidded with desire and his slightly chapped lips parted. And that’s when he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. His movement a bit clumsy but still incredibly gentle.

(Your name) closed her eyes and shyly kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer while Katsumi wrapped his arm around her waist.

The two of them found themselves unable to pull away from one another. Their mouths entangled in a clumsy, sensual dance of lips, tongue, and teeth.

The two slowly pulled away, their lips swollen and their cheeks flushed. Katsumi leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Of course!” (Your name) giggled. The two sat in each other’s embrace.

The poor girl was unaware that she had just sealed her fate…

.

.

.

Days with Katsumi were exciting and new. He would wrap his left arm snug around her waist whenever she’d make meals so he could press kisses to her neck, shoulders, and cheeks. His face buried into the back of her neck so he could greedily inhale her scent. He was such a goofball.

Katsumi loved to play wrestle and start tickle fights. The man was nice enough to let her win most of the time and he’d eventually release her from tickles when both of their chests hurt from their fits of laughter.

Katsumi would also randomly buy ‘just because’ flowers for her, takeout from her favorite restaurants when she had a busy day, and he always snuggled beside her at night. His arm wrapped around her while he spooned her body in her bed. Occasionally she’d join him in his. Everything felt so natural with him.

Katsumi was amazing. He was everything she ever wanted in a man. And today… she was going to meet his parents.

Katsumi gave (your name)’s right hand a reassuring squeeze. His fingers interlaced with hers.

“You’re stressing too much about it. Don’t sweat it.” Katsumi laughed, his eyes filled with love. “They’re so excited to meet you. I’ll probably have to pry them off of you.”

(Your name) smiled at Katsumi, the man instantly cheered her up. “ I hope you don’t have to pry off your parents. I can barely pry off you.”

The couple shared a laugh. The two continued to walk hand in hand to his parents’ house. The two eventually coming to a stop in front of a large, traditional compound.

“Here, let me help you take off your shoes.” Katsumi helped (your name) sit down on the steps before he bent down to untie her shoes for her. The karateka snuck in a kiss on her ankle before he removed the other shoe.

“Katsumi, stop.” (Your name) giggled while Katsumi gave her a dopey grin.

“Am I not allowed to be obsessed with my girl?” Katsumi gave her a flirty wink which made her cheeks explode into crimson.

And that’s when an older woman and a bald man opened the door. The older couple’s eyes wide at the young woman who sat on their step with her feet in Katsumi’s hands.

Katsumi rose up to his feet in a snap, the young man blushed under his parents’ gaze. Katsumi grabbed (your name)’s hand and gave a slight bow to his parents. “Mom. Dad. This is my girlfriend, (your name)-“

Natsue rushed over to the couple and hugged them both. The older woman squealed in happiness, her chocolate eyes filled with warmth.

“It’s nice to finally meet you! Katsumi gushes about you all the time.” Natsue smiled brightly at the couple, Katsumi shyly looked away. “I almost thought you were a dream of his like the kind he used to have when he was little-“

Katsumi swatted Natsue away, the young man pulled (your name) toward him with his arm. “Mom, stop embarrassing me.”

“Is it wrong for a mother to love her son?” Natsue lead the couple into the compound, Katsumi placed his and (your name)’s shoes on the steps. “I can’t wait to show you all of his baby pictures-“

“Mom!” (Your name) put her hand over her lips so her laughs didn’t escape. Katsumi and his family were all so cute…

.

.

.

“And this is Katsumi during his first bath.” Natsue pointed at a picture of a chubby baby in a tub. His signature eyebrows gave away exactly who he was. “I bugged his birth mom for these… I just love babies.”

Katsumi buried his face in (your name)’s shoulder to try to hide his shame but (your name)’s eyes onto sparkled at how cute he was. He was so chubby…

“…little baby feet.” (Your name) muttered softly, her eyes looked at Katsumi’s baby feet in the picture.

“Babies smell so nice and they’re so cute.” Natsue babbled, her shined when she noticed (your name)’s awestruck expression. “I wish we could’ve adopted Katsumi when he was a baby-“

“Let’s put the baby books away.” Doppo laughed as he reached over to gently pull the photo album away from Natsue. “I doubt she wants to see him with his foot in his mouth-“

“You have a picture of his foot in his mouth?!” Natsue snatched the book back from Doppo and flipped through the pages. Hee manicured fingers pointed at one of the cutest baby pictures (your name) had ever seen.

(Your name) almost cried from how cute Katsumi was… He was such a precious, chunky babe.

Katsumi gaze softened at the sight. The young man placed his head on her shoulder, a thought ran through his mind. What if they weren’t his baby pictures, what if these pictures were of their own baby?

Would they have his hair and her eyes? Would they be chubby and happy too with his eyebrows? He wondered if they’d be a boy or a girl…

Katsumi watched (your name) playfully share banter with Doppo and Natsue. The young woman fit right in with little issue, he could tell his parents were fond of her… she was the perfect fit to join their family. Would she want to be his wife? Would she want to be a mother?

Katsumi could picture it. He could see (your name) with a big smile on her face while she proudly held her swollen stomach. She’d be so cute and round with a product of their love inside her. It would be such a perfect sight…

Katsumi pressed a kiss on her shoulder, which caused (your name) to rest her head on his cheek. She eventually pulled away and glanced at Katsumi.

“You were such a cutie when you were little…”

“Are you saying I’m not cute anymore?” Katsumi quirked a brow up at (your name) which made her cheeks warm.

“No… I’m just saying you don’t have cute little feet anymore. You have stinky man feet.” (Your name) squealed when Katsumi bumped her ankle with his bare foot. “Katsu!”

“Just rubbing my stinky man feet on you is all.” Katsumi and her shared a laugh while his parents admired the young couple. They were sure these two were going to be married soon… and grand babies would be soon to follow…

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree…

.

.

.

Katsumi nuzzled his face into (your name)‘s neck, the man deeply inhaled her sweet scent. He couldn’t get enough of her… it drove him insane… just like what’s been on his mind as of late.

They’ve been dating for three months now and they still haven’t been intimate… was she celibate? He didn’t know how to bring it up… maybe he should just ask?

“(Your name)?” (Your name) perked up from her position on the couch, the young woman gave Katsumi her undivided attention.

“Yes, Katsu?” (Your name) softly asked, her lashes fluttered over her (eye color) eyes. Why did she have to be so cute without even trying? “Is something on your mind?”

“I…” Katsumi but his lip, the male hesitated. Was it a strange thing to ask? Would she think he was a pervert?

“Katsumi.” (Your name) scooted away from him and sat up, she grabbed his hand in hers. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I… I just have been wondering when…” Katsumi then mumbled something she couldn’t quite understand under his breath, the young woman furrowed her brows.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“I want to have sex!” Katsumi blurted, the man immediately turned red in shame. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout… I just… I just wondered because we’ve been together for awhile and I’d like to be as close to you as possible-“

“N-no, it’s okay!” (Your name)’s face was just as red. The two sat awkwardly in front of each other. “I… I’ve never…”

“It’s o-okay. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But I’ve never…”

“I’ve never had sex!” The two shouted in unison, their eyes both wide when they looked at each other.

An awkward silence filled the room before the two began to blush even more.

“I didn’t think you’d still be pure…” Katsumi blushed softly. His heart raced at the thought. She was still pure… she would be all his then. His one and only.

“I didn’t think you’d still be a virgin too.” (Your name) shyly replied, she tried to hide her burning cheeks from him but Katsumi grabbed her face in his hand.

Katsumi took the lead and leaned in to press his lips against hers. The young man shuddered at the soft contact before he dived in. His tongue begged for entrance, the wet muscle danced across her bottom lip until she relented.

Katsumi shoved her back on the couch, the couple now a mess of limbs while Katsumi’s hand moved from her face to her stomach.

Katsumi pushed the fabric of her shirt up while his tongue dominated hers. The young man pulled away from the kiss, a wet string of saliva connected the two. His lust filled eyes twinkled at the sight of her in her bra before him.

“You’re all mine…” Katsumi whispered before he moved his lips down to kiss the top of each breast. “I’m going to be the only man to fill you…”

(Your name) gasped when he pulled apart her sports bra like wrapping paper. His mouth latched onto her left nipple to give it an eager suck. A strangled moan escaped her swollen lips while she tried to push him back a bit.

“Gentle, please.” (Your name) whined when Katsumi turned his head up to look up at her. The man pulled away with a wet pop before he dragged his tongue over the pebbled surface.

“I want to touch everything… let me see all of you.” Katsumi whispered into her soft skin, his fingers danced over the delicate skin on her stomach. “I love you so much…”

(Your name) blushed when he pressed a tender kiss to one of her stretch marks, his dark eyes glanced up at her. “Can we go to my bed?”

(Your name) nodded and she was scooped up in his arm in an instant. Katsumi grinned at her as he stole he away to his room. The young man fell on the bed with her in a fit of giggles. His lips entangled with hers once more.

“You’re so beautiful.” Katsumi mutters between desperate kisses, his hips grinded into hers. His thick bulge made her even more nervous on what was to come. “So perfect.”

“I’m scared, Katsumi-“ Katsumi pressed his lips from the top of her neck all the way down her stomach. He would not be stop now, not when he finally could have his fill.

“Allow me to indulge in everything that you have to offer.” Katsumi muttered, his hot breath fanned her hips. “Do I have permission to pull these down?”

(Your name) blushed but she helped Katsumi to pull them down. His onyx eyes took in her bare form before him in awe.

“So beautiful.” Katsumi placed a soft kiss to (your name)’s damp core, his fingers moved to gently stroke the wet slit. Katsumi gazed into her eyes as he inserted a finger, he memorized all of her expression with glee. She was so tight… “Relax a bit, baby. It’ll hurt if you don’t.”

(Your name) sucked in a breath, a few tears in her eyes. His finger was thick… much thicker than her own. And she knew this was only the tip of the iceberg. How on earth would she be able to handle more of this if she already felt so stretched?

Katsumi leaned forward and kissed her mouth. The young man gently curled his finger inside her wet heat until he felt her relax a bit under him. He kissed away her tears.

“I-I’m scared.” (Your name) whispered, only to be silenced by Katsumi’s kisses. The young man angled his thumb up until he felt the small ball of nerves above her slit. His thumb rubbed small circles on her clit, a smile on his lips when she whined a bit. There we go… Katsumi wanted her to feel good.

“We’re learning together.” Katsumi kissed her cheeks and pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you so much… does this feel good?”

“Feels good…” (Your name) wrapped her arms around Katsumi’s neck. She buried her nose into his muscular shoulder to try to ground herself. “M-more please…”

Katsumi smiled at her, the young man slowly eased in another finger to prep her for what was to come. (Your name)’s breath hitched and she moaned into his shoulder.

Katsumi pressed a kiss to the top of her head, a big smile on his face. “There we go… do you like this? Am I touching you right?”

(Your name) shyly nodded, her eyes glance at him. “Y-yes… I…”

Katsumi gave (your name) a soft kiss, his body trembled a bit. “Can I… can I give you more?”

“More?” (Your name)’s back arched when he curled his fingers inside of her in her most sensitive spot. A loud moan escaped her lips. “What do you mean-“

(Your name)’s words were stuck in her throat at the sight before her. Katsumi had a damp spot on his shorts from the end of his erection, his cheeks a bright cherry red under her intense gaze.

“I want… I want to become one.” Katsumi blushed, his head shyly tilt off to the side. “Please… I’ll be gentle.”

(Your name) curiously reached a hand forward to touch the strained bulge, Katsumi shuddered in response. He didn’t dare stop her curiosity. He was too over the moon that she just touched him to care if she wanted more.

“I trust you…” (Your name) lowered the waist band of his pants, his member sprang out and smacked right below his belly button. He was thick… could she fit her hands around it?

Katsumi whined when her hand gently wrapped around his shaft. Her eyes widen at his reaction.

“I’m sorry! Did I hurt you-“ Katsumi gentle thrust into her hand, his eyes half lidded with lust.

“No… feels good.” Katsumi replied while he continued to curl his fingers in her which elicited a moan from her lips. “You make me feel so good…”

Katsumi pulled his dripping fingers out of her with a squelch. The young man brought the wet digits up to his mouth and sucked the juices off of them, his eyes didn’t leave hers once.

Katsumi scooped her wrists up in his hand and pushed them above her head. The man gulped above her.

“I think you’re adjusted enough… it might hurt a bit.” Katsumi whispered. “You can hold onto my back, okay? Just tell me if it’s too much.”

Katsumi then pulled his hand back to line himself up at her entrance. The damp, bulbous tip began to slowly breach her walls, a shudder escaped Katsumi’s lips at the sensation.

“So tight!” He cried while (your name) held onto his back. Her body burned s little from the foreign intrusion. “I’m not hurting you am I?”

“No, Katsumi.” Katsumi shushed her, his thumb wiped away a few stray tears.

“You say that and then you cry. Liar.” Katsumi placed his lips on hers with the tenderness of a man in love. “I’m not even halfway in yet and you’re squeezing me so tight… just relax, baby.”

(Your name) felt more tears fall but Katsumi maneuvered his thumb back to her neglected clit. The young man began to softly circle the small bud again while he inched into her.

The young woman began to slowly adjust to him with a soft smile. Her hips slowly bucked into hers and without warning, he began to slam himself into her. His heavy balls slapped against the fat of her ass, words of incoherent praises and curses spilled from his lips that would bring any porn star to shame.

“I’m gonna get you pregnant.” Katsumi moaned. “Gonna fill up your womb with my cum!”

(Your name) could only gasp and moan under Katsumi, his thrusts slammed the whole bed into the wall. She held onto his back for dear life while his hand held the head board.

“I’m gonna to breed you!” Katsumi cried, tears fell from his eyes. “Gonna make you my wife!”

(Your name) felt a coil start to build up, her moans and gasps grew louder while Katsumi’s hips started to stutter. She knew he was close.

“Katsumi, I think I’m gonna-“

“M-me too. Let’s cum together.” Katsumi muttered before he slammed his lips down on hers in s hungry kiss. His hand tangled in her hair as his thrusts became sloppy.

(Your name)’s body wracked with an orgasm, her body shook and her toes curled from the force. And Katsumi was immediately after, his muscles went taut and his eyes rolled back. Hot, molten cum filled her as her muscles clamped around him.

“I love you.” Katsumi whispered over and over again. The man pressed his lips all over her face. “Love you so much.”

“I love you too.” (Your name) giggled at his touchiness. The dark haired man buried his face into the crook of her neck. “I love you a lot, Katsumi.”

Katsumi smiled up at her as he pulled out of her. He wrapped his arm around her in a tight hug. She’d never love him a fraction of what he felt for her, but that was okay…

Katsumi was never going to let her go. Now that they lost their virginities to each other, they were bound for life. Marriage and children were the next logical step.

“Let’s get married and start a family.” Katsumi whispered into her hair. “I’m all yours… just please don’t ever leave me.”

“I’d never leave you, Katsumi.” Katsumi and (your name) shared a smile.

Katsumi pulled the blanket over the two of them for warmth. Finally… finally this was a longing fulfilled at last…

[weeeeeekly]

quarter life crisis – ot5 tomorrow x together x afab!reader

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blurb !!! Reincarnation can bring soulmates together despite their time apart. Being a huge fan of TOMORROW X TOGETHER helped you get through the struggles of entering early adulthood. You would thank them personally if you ever could but when you possibly get the chance it’s more than what you could ever hope for.

info !!! txt are still idols, reincarnation au, soulmates au, polyamory, throuple²… they’ll all eventually date each other, mc has mental health struggles, universe assigned lactose intolerance, team no kids, glasses wearer, lives in the middle of fuck nowhere but still a city (just go with it), pet names used are “our love” and princess, & not edited.

wc: 1.7k

WARNINGS !!! NSFW, MDNI, 18+, extremely self-indulgent, soft yandere!txt, mentions of mental health & self-harm (nothing graphic) for entire series

author’s note !!! This is fiction!!! this is made up!!! I do not condone breaking in, stalking, and other ulterior motives to get close to someone you are romantically interested in.

why are there not more ot5!txt x fem/afab or gender-neutral reader… mandatory note that i do not think txt act like this in real life. I also cannot come up with a blurb for the life of me, so please peep the info tags.

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CHAPTER THREE

TXT could not just be friends with you – their soulmate – the one person left on this Earth to complete them. Someone made for them. Their last love from their previous life.

They could play the long game with you. They had all the time in the world now that you were back in their lives.

They watch from the peephole to figure out your schedule. After Taehyun’s first accidentally run in with you, he made sure to go to the gym early in the morning, but soon realized that you didn’t leave for work until 7 AM. He learned that when he was walking back to the apartment the next day when you greeted him while locking your door. Soobin learned that you got home around 4:30 PM when he went out to get snacks. Kai learned what car you drove and your designated parking spot when he was sitting on the balcony, strumming his guitar. Beomgyu learned that your room was on the other side of the thin wall of their kitchen when he heard you talking to a friend at 11 PM every night. Yeonjun learned that your roommate worked as an ER nurse and would be working all day Friday when he overheard them on the phone in the laundry room.

You were still shy and nervous around them, which they found absolutely adorable, but you would remember everything soon. Even if they had to help you.

When Friday rolled around, the guys made sure to be awake by 6:30 AM to watch you leave for work with your roommate. They wait until they see your car drive off before they go next door. They climb over the railing of their porch to yours and crack open the sliding door that you never locked. Once inside, they beeline to your room.

The door was closed but not locked. Soobin opens the door slowly to your safe space and the closest they’ll get to you for now. Once they get over the shock and excitement of the posters and merch you have of them, they get to business.

Beomgyu flops down on your bed to inhale the detergent you used, clutching one of the pillows. Yeonjun opens your closet to peruse and maybe take a clothing item or two – for safe keeping, of course. Taehyun takes pictures of your calendar for your schedule for the rest of the month and anything else he deems important to know. Kai goes to your vanity to smell, and steal, your perfumes as he gets the travel spray from his pocket. And Soobin has to keep calm as he looks at your TXT shelf. He can tell that you love and care about their group.

As the others finish their side quests, they all gather around Soobin. Your adorable self has collected all their Korean albums. By the window is a white shelf under a collage of ripped out photos from their albums, the top shelf sits a binder with keychain plushies of their representative emojis, the next shelf houses their albums in release order, and the bottom shelf is their light stick and other merch. The twin shelf has albums from other groups, but they can’t be bothered to care when you have a whole shelf dedicated to them.

Kai sighs in content, “She was perfect before, but now she’s the most perfect person in the universe.”

The rest agree as Taehyun takes a picture.

“We should leave soon. The protocol team keep spamming the group chat asking for a video call.”

Staying in their soulmate’s room was cut short as Beomgyu accepted a phone call from a staff member as the guys make sure everything in your room is in the exact same place as before.

“Thank god you finally picked up! Why are you not in LA?”

“Um, we had some issues with our connecting flight.” Beomgyu tells staff as he hears the protocol team talk over each other through the speaker while he climbs over the railing to the neighboring porch.

“It’s been week! We can’t keep pushing back the In the Soop filming at the retreat house. What hotel are you in? We’ll just book the next ticket to LA from NYC.”

“There’s no need. We had a change in plans lol sorry. Manager-nim is watching over us as we film content here. Talk to you soon, bye!” Beomgyu hangs up as shouting starts and turns his phone completely off. The other members look at him as he shrugs.

“Is Manager-nim enjoying their cruise?”

Soobin shows the spam of photos their manager sent them yesterday while they were docked in a city in Europe. They made sure the free cruise they offered their manager had no wifi on the boat and paid for VIP treatment so they would be off their phone for the rest of the month as they cruised across the world.

“We should be good for another 3 weeks of peace.”

Yeonjun goes back to his shared room with Beomgyu and Taehyun to study English pick up lines, Soobin and Kai decide to watch an English movie to study their English, and Beomgyu and Taehyun head to the gym.

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Honestly, things could be worse.

The universe is somehow on your side while simultaneously being against you. Your favorite musicians, that you have major crushes on, moved in next door to you for some reason that you’re still searching for. TXT are acting like this is normal for them while you’re constantly trying to stop yourself from screaming, crying, throwing up, and other emotes whenever you see them.

You try to close your eyes for a second to resituate yourself before working on another spreadsheet, but the current state of your desk makes you rethink. Random inclusions from albums decorate your workspace – postcards and mini posters stuck to the whiteboard with magnets, fan made freebies displayed, and a TXT calendar from their season’s greetings for the year. You decorated your space with your other interests, but all of your coworkers knew about your love for TXT.

Speaking of coworkers, every time you made eye contact with one, they would send you a sympathetic look after the hiatus news came out. You’re 1000% sure that everyone knows that you cried in the bathroom after their sympathy “party”, but you were going to ignore that thought.

The rest of your day went by smoothly – well, as smooth as a day can when all you think about is world famous international sensation boy group TXT are your neighbors when they’re allegedly on hiatus. You give up on trying to jump through hoops to make sense of your very niche predicament.

roomie working overtime again

roomie going to our dream vacay fund

Getting ready to show up to an empty apartment, you triple check to make sure you saved your work and clean your desk space for tomorrow. The drive home is mundane as always, but ever since TXT moved in next door, you can’t bring yourself to listen to their music. You never acted like this unless your post-concert depression was really bad.

You may not be able to bring yourself to play your favorite songs, but you can get answers from the sources themselves.

Before you’re able to knock on your neighbor’s door, the door opens to have you facing Kai.

“Hi Kai. Can I come over?”

He mumbles your name as he steps aside to the view of Soobin napping on the couch, Yeonjun reading a magazine, and Beomgyu and Taehyun playing some video game, bickering in Korean.

Apologetically, you announce yourself, “Hey guys, sorry to barge in last minute.”

Beomgyu and Taehyun whip their head in your direction and drop their controllers at the same time. Yeonjun lowers the magazine from his face to make eye contact with you only to then cartoonishly fumble it in his hands, then trying to play it cool to read the upside-down magazine. And Soobin is rudely awoken when Kai pinches his nose.

“I have many questions, some that I know you’ll probably never answer, but please,” You kneel down and clasp your hands together, “Please answer my questions.”

You didn’t realize that your plea would send the guys into shock as Kai and Beomgyu barely function to help you on the couch. You switch places with them as the calm down standing up.

“What questions do you have?” Taehyun asks.

“How did you and Yeonjun get so good at English?”

Yeonjun’s face turns cherry red and causes him to hide behind his hands as Taehyun stares at you, taken aback.

“W-well, we had English lessons. We just watched English movies to improve.”

“You two are basically fluent.”

“Thank you, really.”

You grin is reciprocated by the duo as you twiddle your fingers, dreading to ask the next question, but you selfishly needed to know.

“Is TXT really on hiatus?”

Yeonjun looks back to the rest of the members as Soobin nods, turning back to Taehyun, he nods as well.

Your heart plummets to your stomach as you continue, “It’s not forever, right?”

Soobin walks closer as he speaks up, “Just a break. We need a break.”

You refused to check social media after the announcement. Basically, a break from social media despite it being forced so you don’t spiral. Thankfully, the only people in your life that brought it up was your work but even then, that didn’t feel real. You silently thank your roommate for not saying anything to you.

“I have a question.”

“Go ahead, Kai.”

“Do you feel…” Kai leans over to whisper in Taehyun’s ear.

“Uncomfortable.”

Kai nods as he tries again, “Do you feel uncomfortable around us?”

“Am I uncomfortable around you? More like are you uncomfortable around me! I’m a fan.”

Beomgyu kneels in front of you as his hands gently hold your face, “Our beautiful MOA.”

If someone would feel your chest, they would feel your heart beating fast enough to power a car engine. Your eyes grow wide as you stare into Beomgyu’s. The rest of the guys’ heart swell as they watch the scene that reminds them of the past. You loved it when they caressed your face.

With shaky hands, you reach up to gently take his hands off you as you abruptly stand up.

“I need to go. Bye.” Running out, slamming their door and then your door as you lean against the wall.

You were certainly going to have trouble sleeping tonight.

masterlist | previous | next

[inkmonster21]

Sing for Me

13. You Know Me

Cooper Howard × Fem!Reader / The Ghoul × Fem!Reader

She's a singer the nation adores. He's the actor everyone respects. What happens when these two get entangled in a heated affair? Passion, regret, rage, and even murder will commence.

From before the bombs drop to the vast wasteland, these two souls live for one another.

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

Tagged: @fallout-girl219 @harmfulb1tch @themadhattersqueen @one-of-thewalkingdead

I was tracking that Doctor in the wasteland. He hasn’t left long ago, only a day ahead my me. The dog was now at my heels. He stops at the buried diner, where the bloody remains of Doctor Wilzig lay, now headless. Kneeling as a coughing fit captures me. I dig into my pocket retrieving the chem and my inhaler. The weakness being taken away, the hurt in my bones being lifted, and the sweet lull of her voice now present in my ears. I take another inhale, just for shits and giggles. Call me guilty, but I just want to see her again. The more I do the more I’m able to see sweet hallucinations of her. 

I look up seeing the ghostly figure of her waving through the sand. She stares at the body of the Doctor with wide eyes. "Well, he must've said something mean." I let the corner of my mouth tug in a grin. "Come on, let's go find the rest of him." I begin to walk again, watching the dream of her pacing around before my eyes. The dog in tow of my shadow.

The trail of footprints leads to a tiny pit stop. A small bar and a row of cabins across the way. In all my travels I hadn't seen this place before. Seems I missed some things when I was buried in a box for 30 years.

Fucking Dom Pedro, I'll be coming for that ass one day.

I walk into the bar, the crowd slim. The bartender wiping a glass looks at me with nervous eyes. The young kid couldn't have been but 17. I lean on the worn wooden top. "You see a girl come through here? Decapitated head with her?" He looks over his shoulder, gazing at a door before thinking twice. Bingo. He shakes his head, "No, no one passed through here. Just the regulars for Melody." "Well, can I speak to this, Melody?"

"She's not here." A ghoul spoke. "Yeah? She ain't back there hiding?" I point back towards the door. "Don't mind if I check do you?" I walk over to grasp the knob. As I do the fellow ghoul pulls his gun up, but I pull my trigger first blasting a hole into his abdomen. I turn around, addressing the whole establishment. "Now, if ya'll don't mind. I'll be taking a tour." Without any protest, I enter the room.

The small room is lit by several small lamps. A vanity mirror against the wall, and makeup littering the top. I walk along the empty room the space feeling relaxing. déjàvu at its finest. I could almost... smell her. I run a hand over a beaded outfit, a stage costume. I take the fabric off the floor and look at it at full length. I shutter an exhale dropping the dress to the floor.

I move to the wall across the way, my breath getting caught in my throat. Posters from the movies we had done. Her album covers line the walls. One individual catches my eye. The while smiles of two lovers on a Christmas evening. I run my finger over her face. Could it be? Could this Melody... be my (Y/n)? I take the photo tucking it into the inner rim of my hat.

I exit the building, more determined than ever to find the target. Where the head was, she was, and if it was really her... I don't know what I would do first. Question her of her every move, or instantly attack her with starving passion. A starving man who’s ached for her touch for over 200 years.

~

Lucy gasps as she stops. "Look!" She peeps in a hushed voice. A baby deer pokes its head from the grass near the water. I roll my eyes at her incompetence. Such a simple-minded motherfucker. I dig for a cracker in my bag and hand it to her. "Go and feed it if you want." Her eyes got even larger I was worried they'd pop from her head. She nears the animal with a smile, leaning down she feeds the baby the cracker. She smiles and looks back at me. I shake my head with my arms crossed. "She's like a toddler," Conor whispers from behind. "Yep."

Suddenly the deer was snatched into the water. A gulper lunges out of the water and snaps at Lucy. "Ah, shit!" I yell as I rush to her side, dragging her away. Conor shoots it in the side, but as we know these motherfuckers are tough. It snatches at her hands, getting hold of the head and retreating back underwater. Lucy stands as she chases the creature's current across the lake. "Wait, Lucy, wait!" I yell as I run after her.

Just as I come to see her, a figure looms over her hunched body, pointing his gun at Lucy. She exhales a small breath and smiles, "Hello again." I raise my gun in haste pointing it at the figure. He's yet to notice me behind him. I continue to creep silently behind his body.

"Where is it?" He kicks around her bag, "The head." He whips her across the face with the butt of his gun.

I press the barrel of my gun to his back. His entire body stills as I apply pressure."Is that how you treat a lady?" The Ghoul tips his head, his face hidden, "Well," I can hear the smirk in his voice, "You gonna pull that trigger darlin'?" I look him up and down, something strangely familiar about him. "I might. Haven't had had a thrill in a while." Conor comes out of the shrubs as well, weapon drawn. The Ghoul looks over the new arrival, his tongue darting out of his mouth. A dark fire in his expression as he glares at my backup. He draws faster than I had ever seen before shooting Conor dead on the spot. I scream in shock, no one in the 30 years had he ever been caught off guard.

I look up to see The Ghoul with his weapon now raised to me. "This ain't the greeting I'd had hoped, darlin'." I lunged at him, grabbing and clawing at his frame. "YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" He tosses me off and gets on top of me, straddling my body as I roll in the dirt. He grabs my hands forcefully and ties them tightly together. I glare at him as I smell the crimson blood flow from Conor's body. "Fuck you!" I scream at him. He glares at me, meeting my orbs. I suck in a breath, his glare making me cower, making me weak. "You upset I shot your little boyfriend, honey?" He laughs as he stands, dragging me beside Lucy. She cries for Conor, spewing apologies.

The Ghoul points his gun at Lucy questioning about the head once more. She shuddered, "I-I don't know where it is, okay? I lost it. I lost it." I watch him shake his head. He meets my eyes again. They soften slightly. I couldn't look away from him. I wanted to lean into the touch of his gloved hand. "Where'd it go, sweetheart? Huh?" The answer falls from my lips. "A Gulper got it." He smirks before tipping my chin, "Good girl."

I stare at Conor's body slowly coming to the realization. He was gone. My friend, my brother, now lay dead in the dirt. What the fuck was I going to do now? He was the one who knew all the code when an issue occurred, all the maintenance, all the parts, and the work it took to maintain my memory drive. If I didn’t have my drive reloaded onto the memory stick I would start shorting out.

I look at the blades of grass stained with my friend's blood. This Ghoul stings Lucy up to a pull system rig. "Stop, please! My dad, he's an Overseer. He-he got taken by raiders, and I need that head to get him back. If you help me find him, he'll do whatever you want." Lucy begs as she cries out. He drops her into the water, calmly turning to me watching as the worry grows. "You're going to kill her!" "Oh please," He brings Lucy back up, and she struggles to catch her breath. "Stop. Stop! Torture is wrong," Lucy coughs. The Ghoul leans on the post. "You know, they used to do these things called "studies." Why, you couldn't open a newspaper without reading about one study or another. Anyway, this one particular study came out, and it said that torturing a person doesn't do shit." He drops her back down into the water. I look at him curiously. Those were prewar references. Studies in the newspaper.

I remember Cooper making the same complaint. “Can’t turn a page without one popping out at you.” He’d roll his eyes as he turned the page. The memory pushed a ghostly smile on my lips.

He brings her up again. Lucy cries loudly, "Sir, please, I need the head. It's the only way I can get my father back." He ignores her, "My point is... if you ask me, them studies, they were right. Torturing a person don't do shit." Lucy shakes her head in confusion, "Then why... why are you doing this?" I huff, struggling against my binds. "He's using you as fucking bait, Lucy!" The Ghoul drops her down once more. I slip from the rope and go to tackle the Ghoul. I punch and roll him away, getting to my feet and raising Lucy just in time for the Gulper to jump from the water. It attaches to her feet as I pull her back. Lucy tosses anything she can at the Gulper, including the stranger's bag. I light a flare and throw it into the Gulper's mouth. It shrieks before releasing Lucy's leg and retreating into the water.

The Ghoul stands with fury in his eyes. He points the gun at us with a firm hand. He makes eye contact with me and huffs lowering the weapon. He reaches inside his bag, pulling out a small case, upon opening shards of glass fall out. His breath becomes even more rigid. The anger unleashed, “FUCK!” He screamed out.

I push a laugh and sneer at him, “serves you right.” He glares at me while pointing a gloved finger at my chest, “Shut your fuckin’ mouth.” He grabs hold of my throat, “or I’m gonna have to shut it for you.” He tosses me aside.

Lucy gathers herself on her knees, "You can't treat people like this!" The Ghoul looks over the water. "Yeah? Why's that?" "Because of the golden rule." I roll my eyes at her, "It's not the fucking time, Lucy." She shakes her head and continues, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." The Ghoul ignores her, muttering under his own breath. "Those Gulpers digest real slow. You got time." He turns on his heel. He kneels to Lucy on the ground binding her hands together. He turns to me, "You." He places the loop end of his lasso around my neck and tightens it. He glares into my eyes as he tugs it, "Come on."

He tugs me behind him, Lucy following as well. "Where are we going? What about the head? I need the head to get my dad back." The Ghoul continues walking, "Yeah, well, the Wasteland's got its own golden rule." "Oh? What's that?"

I say without thought, "Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time." The Ghoul looks back at me as we track through the greenery. He stares into my eyes, his lips drawing into a smirk.

We walk through the noon wasteland heat, the sun hitting high in the sky beating down. Lucy gasps in small breaths. Her steps closer together as she staffers, her exhaustion battling. "Do you plan on stopping for a break? Or are you going to drag my ass through this hellhole?" The Ghoul looks to his side catching my features. I was in perfect condition. I could travel for miles unfazed, but Lucy looked like she was about to fall over. If I was to get anywhere near Hank MacLean, I needed his daughter alive. "Ain't stopping for shit." I watch his features contort. He's in pain. I lean into his space, our arms brushing. "I have a vial in my bag." I offer him. "If you allow us to stop, even for just an hour, I'll give it to you." The Ghoul stares at me, the ache in his bones growing. He didn’t have much of an option. If he had any brains left at all he’d take the deal.

"Fine." He huffs as he spins me around and digs into my bag. "Side pocket." He dips his hand down, skimming my side through the thick fabric of the bag, still a shiver runs up my spine. A long-forgotten feeling I didn’t want resurfacing.

I grit my teeth, "Watch it, cowboy." He smirks, showing his teeth, and biting his lip slowly. I take in every movement, my body unable to stop this natural attraction. Such a familiar urge pulling in my core. The familiarity in his eyes fights the harsh demeanor confusing me even more.

He grabs the glass vile, applying pressure to my side as he pulls his hand out. "Sorry, darlin'." He steps closer, running his fingers on the skin of my neck, I close my eyes as I get drunk on his touch. He loosens the rope on my neck, taking it over my head. "Go on, then. Rest.”

I turn to tend to Lucy. Allowing her to sip the little water we had left. “Thank you.” She croaks. “Don’t thank me yet, Lucy.” I look behind me seeing the Ghoul watching with his hat tipped ever so slightly. He watches with a smirk, staring directly at my frame. I feel that same shiver in my spine and I take a breath. Beyond him was a large building, halfway buried in the sand. The land resembles the once-thriving town. The current building was the movie theater, next to that was the restaurant, and down the way was a candy shop.

I grab Lucy’s arm pulling her with me to the building to take advantage of the shade. “Stay here.” I pass her the canister of water and silently move my way toward the entrance of the abandoned building.

I wander deep into the halls, most of the rooms torn apart with little to salvage. I see a poster crumpled under my shoes. I move the rubble to get a better look. I laugh lightly, bending down to retrieve it. A movie poster. One of his favorites actually. The special movie he was able to make with Rosevelt. I pick it up with a small grin.

“Anything in here worth a shit?”

I turned to see the Ghoul as he silently leaned against the doorway. I folded the worn faded poster quickly, stuffing it into my bag before shaking my head. “Nope. Just some junk.” His eyes shifted to my bag quickly. I push past him in search of caps, food, anything to distract me from dipping into forbidden waters.

“Then what’s that?” He grabs my bag tugging it down my arm. “Hey!” I fight for it back but he pulls the crumpled post out. Barely recognizable, but I knew what it was, who it was. “Give that back, fucking asshole.”  

The Ghoul laughs as he holds the poster out for his viewing eyes. He reads off the words, his southern drawl thick in his words, “Cooper Howard staring in A Man and His Dog.” He looks down at me. He raises a hairless brow, “this your type of thing?” I snatch the poster from his gloved hand. “It’s a good movie.” “Cute dog.” I stuff the worn paper down into my bag. “Best fucking dog around.”

I venture to the next room. The projection booth remained pretty untouched. Being tucked away from most wanderers. I look over my shoulder seeing the Ghoul leaning against the door frame with a shameless smirk. “Why are you following me around? She'll make a break for it if you’re not around.”

“Nah, I doubt she’ll be able to run.” He lifts himself from the door, his boots scuffling the floor with each step. I look between each case, and box, only finding a handful of caps. “I’m more concerned bout you, darlin’.” I turn around, having to back up into the shelves. His face is at a perfect angle. I can truly see him.

He takes one step closer, pinning me to the bookcase. My breath shutters as I inhale, soaking him in. He bores into my eyes silently. Words are not spoken but a conversation is taking place. One I am unable to hear. A private conversation between souls. I crave him, this stranger with the familiar glow. He runs a finger over my bottom lip. I turn my head away, but he readjusts it to meet his gaze. He dips his head lower, our faces inches from each other. "What are you doing?" The Ghoul's smirk rises again. "Just takin a look." He pulls a case from the shelve. "Ain't this you?" The film being a musical I starred in. I look at him curiously. "You know me, cowboy?" He shrugs, his hat shielding his features once more, "Well, that depends." He raises his head, allowing his orbs to pop through. "You know me?"

I stare at him, the missing pieces of a puzzle I didn't know needed solving. He felt so familiar. He knew of a life before the bombs, maybe that's why the connection was there.

A loud scream breaks me from my trance. I push past him and race outside. Lucy tied to a wooden beam in the front kicks at a rad roach with a panicking whine. I shoot the bugs with an annoyed expression. "Calm down would you?" She shakes, her eyes wide, "Those things were about to eat my toes!" She panics as she pulls against her binds.

We continue on walking through the wasteland to some unknown destination. The Ghoul walks behind Lucy and me; making sure we advance on his path. He stares at me with each step. His eyes glassed over slightly. The one vial only would hold his pain over for so long.

Lucy pants in the sun her legs threatening to fail her. "Melody. Do... Do you have any more water?" I shaky my head at her with a sympathetic look. She turns to look at the Ghoul. "Sir. Sir, please. I need water. Please." He goes and pulls out his canteen, opens the lid, drinks the remaining water, and even dumps out the last drops onto the sand. I shake my head at him. Such a petty man. Lucy's pants of dehydration make him smirk. He looks me up and down. "How come you're all dandy? Hadn't seen you want for nothing." "I don't need water." "Everyone needs water." I shake my head, "Not me." The Ghoul challenges again, "Well why the fuck not?" I sneer at him with a smirk, "I guess you'll just have to wait and find out." He smirks, his teasing behavior continuing, building the tension between us. "Shit, darlin', I like surprises."

I could feel his wandering eyes rake over my body. The burning gaze made my hair stand and my stomach turn. Passing a building, a groan and a shout ring out. "Roger! My name is Roger!" The Ghoul makes Lucy enter first. He places a hand on my lower back, "Come on, darlin'." I fight the urge to lean into his touch, in hopes he would use both his hands.

Upon entering we see a man sitting and thrashing on the sand. "Roger. My name is Roger." He's going down and fast. I press my lips together watching the stranger twist in pain. "Roger. Roger. My name... is Roger!" He screams out again. The Ghoul leans down in front of the turning Ghoul.

"Hey, Rog." He focused his gaze, a small smile coming up at the sight. "Hey. Hey. Fancy seeing you out here. You out for that bounty, too, huh?" He nods, "Yep." Roger unwillingly snarls and wails. The Ghoul looks towards his acquaintance. "How you feeling?"

Roger chuckles after a harsh exhale. "Oh... You know... it's hard out here. Dang smoothies can be so unkind." Roger turns to look toward Lucy and I. He points at me with a chuckle. "Hey! I saw you not too long ago. Sang that one song, real pretty but real sad, about going to your grave." I push a smile, "Yeah, I wrote that a while back. Glad you enjoyed it." Roger huffs looking towards the Ghoul. "Got yourself a nice-looking smoothie. Sings like an angel." He snarls loudly making Lucy jump.

"You're turning." Roger grunts, "Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Hey, you-you don't happen to have any vials, do you? Just one little puff and I'll be back on my feet. You know I'm good for it." The Ghoul shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Roger. I'm all out." Roger holds his hands up, "That's okay. That's okay. Though, um, you and your smooth-faced friends, you, um... might want to clear out... before things get ugly." He snarls loudly. I kneel, smiling at Roger. I began to sing the lyrics he spoke of.

It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under

It's sooner than later that you'll be alone

So who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder?

For when the bombs drop, lover, you're on your own

Roger smiles at me as the words echo in the beaten-up building. His eyes glossing over, he's almost completely gone.

I am the one who you let see you weeping

I know the soul that you struggled to save

Too bad I'm the bet that you lost in the reaping

Now what will you do when I go to my grave?

His eyes close as he sways. As the last word leaves my mouth a shot rings out, splattering Roger's brain on the back wall. Lucy covers her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Wh... why?" I look back at her. "You're going to have to toughen up, kid. It was for the better." The Ghoul spends no time putting his gun back in his holster and flipping Roger over. I scoff as he cuts into his flesh, skinning him in strips.

The Ghoul brings a slice up to his lips taking a large bite. Lucy gags and protests, "Stop. Stop, stop. Please, I... No, I know it's hard up here, but you don't... you don't have... you don't have to resort to... to..." The Ghoul looks up from his work with a question. "What'd you say your name was?" "Lucy MacLean." The Ghoul stills, he turns to face us, an unreadable expression as he speaks, "MacLean? Huh." He begins his work again, "Well, Lucy MacLean, it ain't all canned peaches and marmalade left up here, sweetheart. Sometimes a fella's got to eat a fella." Lucy pushes her point even further. "You know, my vault has endured hardship, too. In the Great Plague of '77, everyone had to quarantine, they couldn't work the farms together. People starved. My mother included. My dad dropped to 128 pounds, and he still refused to do anything like this." I laugh at her words. She looks at me with wonder, "What? What's so funny?" I shake my head at her, distracting myself with the broken plates on the floor. "No, no, nothing. I feel for him. Must've been so hard." My sarcastic tone is thick in my words. The Ghoul chuckles, "There's what people say they did and what they really did. I'll bet your daddy was first in line at the cookout. I bet he had a bib with a drawing of his neighbor's ass on there." I laugh at his words. "That's funny."

Lucy looks at me in disbelief. "How do you live like this? Why keep going?" The Ghoul turns to her, a glare in his eyes. He stands and stalks towards her, a smirk playing on his lips. "Well, one good question deserves another." He turns the handle of the knife to Lucy, "Why the fսck am I doing all the work? Now come on, Vaultie. Ass jerky don't make itself."

[nightowl33art]

How To Make A Toxicsona- A Master Post!

!This page may update over time! So I was looking at my inbox and noticed I got sent an ask. Likely due to site bugs, I was not able to answer directly, but I'm sure the asker will be able to see this post.

Hello Anon! Firstly, thanks for the fun ask! Keep in mind this post will apply to most toxicsonas. I'll be using my own designs and process as examples. What I recommend does NOT have to be followed. In the end it's your design and it should be for fun most of all. I'm just presenting what the "ideal and average Phisnom toxicsona/toxic blob oc" should have.

For those tuning into this lengthy post with no idea what I'm on about, I'll be excerpting the toxicsona submission form Phisnom/Phil made for his toxicsona review streams. (Phil being the leader of the Toxic Cesspit community.)

(Despite "sona" being in the name, a toxicsona does NOT have to be representative of you! Toxicsonas can also be regular ocs!) Now to the advice!

1. READ UP!

Read the Toxicsonas For Dummies character guide! This image contains all the basic lore and traits for toxicsonas! What I say going forward may reference it. (Reading may also give you some fun ideas!)

You should also peep this from the toxicsona submission form:

In order to have a toxicsona you need* a:

Dark body for a base with accents (ie lines) that must be neon/brightly colored.

Mouth(s) with sharp teeth. Ideally will have at least one extra mouth somewhere on the form.

Unique pattern image for the body.

*You may not need it but it's more or less what makes a toxicsona a toxicsona. I'll be going over each point in detail later!

2. Purpose

What purpose will your blob fill? Are you creating an oc, a sona for yourself, or something else? This will affect what you create and how. If you have a preexisting design/sona you want to toss into the slime, reference off that design! Use what you know about that character/person to create this new form!

Starting from scratch? What I do is come up with a basic idea to concept off of! Think of something you want to design! If you need help, try using one of the countless idea generators out there or put your head together with others and see what you come up with! Moodboards, playlists, and Pinterest albums also serve well! Whatever type of brainstorming gets your inspiration bug flying, go for it!

Regardless, one thing to make note of is who was this design in life? Most blobs were once living beings. They all come from a liquid superorganism called The Substance. When a living being with a consciousness foreign to the slime (like a person) is absorbed into The Substance, it'll be spit out and reanimated anew if it has a strong will. Your blob must've been alive or had a connection to living things. Then it must have undergone some sort of transformation after making contact with The Substance. Asking who your blob was before the slime will be very helpful!

3. Body

You likely either have an idea of what your design will be, or you're jumping headfirst into the doing part. Either is okay! Everyone's process is different. If your design is based off a preexisting one, you're likely to make the new form into a similar shape. Some things to think about when coming up with a body:

A slime body is meant to reflect the ideal self. What are your toxicsona's ideal traits? If you're making a sona, what are YOUR ideal traits?

What were they when alive? Were they a feral stray cat? A human? You may want to stick to a shape that resembles their former appearance, especially if they are in denial of being a slime.

Who were they when alive? Did they like a certain animal a lot? Give them physical traits of said animal! Maybe your toxicsona wanted freedom, so they develop the wings they always envisioned. Maybe they believe they were a terrible person and so deserve the devil horns on their head. Were they two-faced? Give them two faces!

Is this the only form they have? Do I want to add a simplified blob form? Do I want to make a bigger/smaller form? If my character has an alter ego disguise, should I make a form for it?

(Most toxicsonas have a simplified little blob form, reflecting what they looked like at default after The Substance. They're super cute and puntable!)

How much mass do they have? The more mass a blob has, the more they have to work with physically, the more developed they are. What appendages have they formed with this mass? Many toxicsonas lack legs, including Phi himself, who is simply too lazy to use legs. Why your blob does/doesn't have legs can have a reason too!

What colors are they? Common dark colors for the majority of the body include black, gray, and dark shades of any given color (ex dark blue.) The neon can be just about any color! If the design is a sona, pick your favorite color(s)! Keep the color vibrant- it's supposed to stand out from the dark color! Your slime will always be surrounded by a dark/black outline around the very edge.

Where's the extra mouth(s)? The best designs have a mouth placed with thought, but not all are. Thoughtfully placed mouths have significance to the toxicsona. Scars/important wounds on their living body can become mouths. Perhaps if they were a gluttonous or starved person, you'll put a mouth on their belly to represent their hunger. If they're anxious about their mouth or general appearance, maybe it's hidden. (Ideally let the mouth be visible. It's visually appealing.)

(Dutch's extra mouth is on his back. Wings were always a big part of him, both appearance and story-wise, so the mouth emphasizes that. His wings come out of the mouth like tongues!)

Being a cartoonist, we're personally big on shape language and like to have designs with strong, recognizable silhouettes, but you do not have to do this.

Some advice on basics for drawing your slime!

Here's how I create the lineart, clothing coloring, and the outline that surrounds the blobs. (Some steps may be done at the same time or skipped entirely. This is the Nightowl 33 method so your mileage may vary.)

Draw lineart.

Alpha lock lineart layer. Recolor it to neon color.

Clip new layer on lineart. Color clothes black.

New layer for body color.

Move body color layer under lineart.

Color body colors. (I clip different clothing coloring layers on the main color layer. This main base color layer gets colored black when ready.)

Make a folder. Place all lineart, lineart coloring, and all body coloring layers in the folder.

Add a dark color outline in a layer beneath the folder. (I use the "stroke (outer)" tool in my art program, ibisPaint X.)

How I draw eyes!

Draw eye lineart.

New layer, clip on lineart layer, draw dark circle.

Layer sclera coloring under lineart layer.

Add pupil layer below lineart layer and above sclera layer.

(Coloration used to show different steps/parts of the eye!)

(Without the weird example coloring, your end result should look like this!)

4. Pattern

Much like how everyone has their own unique fingerprint, every toxicsona with a well defined identity develops their own unique pattern. Coming up with the right pattern is tricky! Patterns are made up of symbols, lines, or a combination of. They have a rhyme and reason to them. A pattern to the pattern, so to speak.

(Here's a bunch of example patterns, created by me (sometimes with the help of CrystalKleure), or Phil and StupidButterfly. Stare at them for a while and take some notes on what rhythms you recognize.)

For maximum appeal, your pattern cannot be too complex or simple! Try to select 2-4 symbols/lines to create your pattern. These symbols/lines should be thematically relevant to your blob. Ex: A spiderweb pattern for spider-themed toxicsonas, checker pattern for a blob that likes checkers/chess, a UFO for an alien slime, eyes for an angel slime or a slime that loves/fears being watched! (You may also want to reference off the emotion patterns if your blob is heavily associated with an emotion. Ex: sparkles for a very happy/excited slime!)

Feel free to pick basic shapes, like triangles and circles, for one or more symbols.

Create a few variants of your chosen symbols. Draw them big, medium, and small. Fill some of them, leave others empty/"hollow."

Patterns are seamless! This means when you apply a pattern to your toxicsona's clothing or body, it must be able to consistently loop! While you may wing it, below is a handy lifehack to easily make a seamless tiling pattern by @crystalkleure !

1. Draw a base design 2. Split that design in half, and arrange the two halves like this. [You might want to use guide lines/a guide grid to make sure the pixels line up in such a way that these two halves will stitch back together correctly, so they'd make clones of the base image again if you were to tile sets of these halves horizontally.] 3. Stitch the two halves together by adding more to the design 4. Split the image again like you did in step 2, except this time split the top and bottom apart instead of the sides. 5. Add more stuff to the design again, in any way that crosses the "seam" made by step 4 [where the top of the bottom half meets the bottom of the top half]. And if you lined up the pixels correctly while you were splitting and rearranging the chunks, you now have an image that tiles seamlessly both horizontally and vertically. The trick is just splitting an image into halves, swapping those halves' places, and then adding more to the image to hide the seam made by splitting and rearranging parts of it like that. Do it with the sides and you get a horizontally-tiling image, do it with the top and the bottom and you get a vertically-tiling image, do it with both the sides and the top + bottom and you get an image that tiles in all four directions.

Here's a speedpaint where I make a pattern using this method! While creating, double checking that your pattern looks good when looped is important! Don't forget to experiment with placements!

(Wow! What a cool pattern!)

Your pattern doesn't have to be insanely unique, hell you don't even HAVE to have one, but it's honestly better if you come up with one. There's no reason NOT to have a pattern unless it's for lore reasons, such as a confused identity or a mimic character. (Do NOT copy others' patterns and make them your own, especially without permission!)

(Phee, Pho, and Phum have the same default pattern as Phi because they're copycat scammers! They try to convince others they're related to Phi to get what they want.)

Gradient and pattern application!

Now you may want to give your slime a gradient! Gradients tend to appear on the lower halves of blobs but can be placed anywhere! Below is a guide to show how I apply the pattern and gradients to the body! While defaults apply to many toxicsonas, like Phi, they do not have to be followed.

Clip pattern layer over body color layer. (Pattern transparency default is 47%.)

New layer (add mode), place under pattern, clip over body color layer. Draw gradient. (Gradient transparency default is 40%.)

Alpha lock the pattern layer.

Airbrush the upper half pattern layer with the dark body color.

The pattern is often the same color as the neon lineart, while the gradient is often a darker version of the color.

(Weird bright green coloration used to emphasize the layers clipped onto it.)

(The finished gradient, sans weird example coloring, looks just like Phi's!)

Here's how to apply a pattern to clothing! Create a new layer with the pattern. Clip it to your base. (Pattern layers on clothes are usually somewhat transparent. The default is 65% but you can deviate.)

5. Outfit

Clothing is a HUGE self expression that extends to the world of toxicsonas! Blobs can harden mass they acquire, turning it into wearable cartilage clothing! Below are some tips but the bottom line is DESIGN WHAT YOU WANT.

Who they were before the slime often heavily influences their outfit(s). Ex, if your blob was a clown when alive, they may dress the same as a slime.

You'll often find the body pattern on the clothes, but you don't have to do this.

A popular addition to blob fashion is caution/hazard tape! While often black and yellow, feel free to deviate the colors.

(A bunch of fashionable slime outfits with caution tape themes that I made or had a hand in making!)

Phil does not like hoodies on toxicsonas but you can totally join the #hoodiesweep nation. (It would be super funny.) That aside, many do put their blobs in hoodies, so avoiding a standard hoodie is preferable if you want to make a super unique design.

You don't have to give your blob any clothes, especially if they're non-humanoid. Accessories are still recommended to personalize your design and make it stand out from an average ...whatever it is.

Unlike the rest of the slime body that has colored lineart, clothing almost ALWAYS has black/dark color lineart.

Any slime overlapping atop non-slime materials requires a black outline, including over clothing.

(While the consistency of this rule varies with established toxicsona art (ie Phi), I personally try to apply it as much as possible, even when slime overlaps slime. It makes things look nicer and allows the neon lines to stand out more. It's also easier to make out what's going on when looked at.)

Misc. tips!

Bananas are the main unit of measurement in the cesspit! Giving your blob a height can help people draw them to scale, especially when drawn next to other blobs! To get the accurate height: 1. Conjure a length of your choice. 2. Convert your length to inches (in). 3. Divide the inches by 7. (Because 7 inches is the average length of a grocery store banana.) 4. Congrats! You have banana height! Now you can also reverse the order and get standard heights!

Too gay or lazy to do math? Click here for faster conversion! http://bananaforscale.info/#!/ (Note the results will be slightly shorter than my method above but the measurements are about the same so who really cares about that.)

Come up with a backstory for your toxicsona! If you haven't already made one during the design process, you may want to now! -Consider what life was like before they came in contact with The Substance. How did they feel about their old life? -How did they come in contact with The Substance? (Preferably avoid the basic backstory of accidentally falling into a vat. It's overdone, mainly due to how vague lore was before the toxicsona review streams. I'd suggest letting Phi lure them into the slime or tossing them in, if you want something traditional. Phi's goal is to make a blob army, after all.) -What is their life like now, post-Substance? How do they feel about their new life?

(Canon backstory comic on how Phee, Pho, and Phum became blobs!)

Feeling social? Working with other cesspit members (or your own ocs), you can develop links between your toxicsonas! Make your friend's blob their friend! Or maybe enemy! Why not ship them? GO NUTS????

(Phee is a massive flirt in the cesspit. Mr. Sex/Noctus belongs to @corovusin !)

-Consider how your blob may feel about others. Are they a social butterfly or a shut in? Who do they like? Who would they rather avoid? -What are their thoughts on Phi, the leader? (Generally avoid giving them a super strong, personal bond with Phi, such as relatives, best friends, or close partners of any kind. Phi does not have a family and she's a total bitch to just about everyone!) -Phil says there's no love in the cesspit but he's literally just a hater. Make your ocs gay kiss!!

Feel like cooking a little more? Why not design a pre-slime form if it doesn't already exist?

(Phee and Phum before their fatal scam attempt on Phi.)

Many cesspit users also create a "living disguise" form for their toxicsonas, so the slimes can wander among others without rousing suspicion! Blobs have the ability to learn to shapeshift. It's a skill that must be mastered with experience and time, so disguise forms often have "flaws" that give away an inhuman quality, like extra mouths, eyes, patterns, or gradients on their skin.

(Dutch is very good at shapeshifting, so his disguise lacks most flaws. The flaws that are there are mostly intentional, since he's proud of his slime qualities. A blob who perfects the skill of shifting can look like an ordinary human, but where's the fun in that?)

Most toxicsonas can change color based on emotion. (They may also change based on other factors so feel free to get creative with it.) -As a slime has a base pattern and color of choice, these will change based on their mood and that mood's assigned color! Many toxicsonas share patterns and colors with Phi (like red and triangle pattern for mad, blue and flowered squiggles for sad, etc.) but this is not a rule. You can assign any color to any mood. You are not limited to Phi's emotion set either! You can even make your own patterns for your blob's moods if you feel like it! -Some color changes are very subtle in some slimes! Is this true for yours? -Modifying the design of your blob to match their mood is a fun way to create expressive and interesting variants!

(Dutch's hair, horn shape, halo, face, and hands can change with his mood! He has an array of emotional patterns, both preset and custom-made, to match the different colors/moods.)

(When Goober was alive, they had DID. Mimicking the behavior of their former life, the three alters, Ziggy, Skrunk, and Wumbus, became separate blobs. They still need to work together to function properly. They combine to bodily become "Goober." Goober's left eye functions as a collective eye, while their right eyes that can emote separately reflect their respective alter.)

(Goober's default color is green, indicating all alters are co-fronting. When there is a primary fronter or two, the upper body color changes to match!)

Design a shell for your toxicsona! Shells are foreign objects blobs use, often to live, sleep, or hide in. Shells are protective. ANYTHING can be a shell. Not all toxicsonas need one, but those that do often have a thematic shell that relates to who they are. (Ex: Phi-barrel, Bucket-bucket, Collette-chocolate box.)

(Thanks to his angelic theming, Dutch's shell is a reliquary- a display container for holy relics, often being remnants of holy figures. Goober's shell of choice is a mini UFO!)

Stuck? Want to grow your design with less work? Collaborate with others or take their advice if you like what they give you. Ask people what they'd change about your design!

You should NOT be designing just for the approval of Phisnom, You should design for YOURSELF (or whoever is paying you- I see you, adopt/custom ppl.) He's just another person out there. Yes, a creator of the species, but he does not have to dictate your choices or give your design an S tier ranking just to validate it. The satisfaction should come from inside, not outside.

Hope these tips help, best of luck creating your own toxicsona, and feel free to ask any additional questions regarding this! ✌️

[esoteriamaya]

12th house and the inner alchemist

I notice people with this placement become deeply aware of what frequencies they want to be around. Like if you want something that is more 'jolly, fun, and whimsical' you might search for it in your mind , and then you start to find it in your body. It starts with the spirit first, then you go into meditation to connect with this energy through the art of imagination. That 'jolly, fun, whimsical energy' could end up taking you to a cool coffee shop, end up taking you into a colorful shop with weird looking food , or hell may take you to the circus ! because what youre looking for is the feeling/energy not the 'thing' itself.

I love to say 12th housers are like the boy in this book called 'The Alchemist', where he wanted to look for a treasure to make all his dreams come true, ends up going on a long journey before he finally finds the treasure that was in his hometown all along. In the end he realized what he wanted wasnt about the treasure, the treasure was a symbol to what he wanted to do in his reality which he eventually did without the treasure itself. The treasure is the idea of the energy he wanted in his life, not the thing itself.

Because the imagination brings things to us, and all though we aren't able to explain exactly what it is we are looking for, we go into meditative states to jump into this reality (manifestation) and then follow it with our bodies. And one by one, piece by piece, we enter into the worlds of our psyche through the physical reality.

One thing I can say about 12th housers, you have to let go of the IDEA because it is just that, an IDEA. it is useful for when you are looking for the spirit/energy of the thing you are looking for.

Also since I brought up the alchemist. The story was about making a way for yourself no matter what obstacles you go through, no matter if you dont have that 'thing' you need to get there. You create your reality as you go.

the boy had a simple intention to go find this treasure because he believed it would allow him stop talk taking care of sheep (he was a sheep boy), he could travel all around the world, find a wife, and live the life of his dreams. He evidently did all of that without the treasure! He made a way without even thinking of it, because he knew since he had left his hometown and the sheep there was no other choice but to make something happen!

I believe 12th housers have that inner alchemist inside them, which is why they are so good at painting, drawing, and whatever other art you can name cause its a lot (lol).

12th housers are great at using these things to attract what they want in their life, they follow the frequency/energy knowingly and unknowingly. I call them he universes messengers because they rely messages to the collective without having to explain to us whats the message.

I notice 12th house individuals show this with their music. like I said with frequency a lot of them know the type of energy they wish to convey in their songs because thats the vibe they want to keep with them as they journey through life.

think of sza, a fellow 12th houser with 4 planets (venus,uranus, saturn, and neptune) and she is known to connect to a certain frequency that sounds like 'fairies, sirens, and anything magical' (im honestly referring to ctrl and her older works from 2013/14)

It can also be a 'curse' one type sza tweeted how singing 'supermodel' off her ctrl album 'summoned' the guy she was talking about in the song.

12th house rules over the subconscious, so sometimes your art can attract what you dont want to you. you have to move around it, learn how to use it as a repellant as it can attract fleas (I say this about pisces/neptune peeps a lot, y'all do tend to attract flies).

using your mind to control your reality can be mastered if you continue to heal the shadow. your shadow is just what you've been accustomed to believe that it is shameful, and cant be seen in the light.

the shadow is who you are, dont be ashamed and run from it.

blessings to all my 12th house individuals you guys have a wonderful gift inside that interesting brain of yours! keep it up.

[bargainoriley]

Here’s something I’ve been translating on and off for the past week or so! I was looking at old German youth magazines in order to find interesting articles about classic rock bands (specifically Pink Floyd) and came across this in the 01/1978 issue of BRAVO magazine (One of the most famous teen/young adult magazines in Germany that’s been there since 1958 and is still going strong today!) A lot of youth magazines back in the day had articles and posters about rock bands because, well, that’s the people who were celebrities at that time! This page includes both short descriptions of the band members and a short history of the band up until that point when the issue came out! Enjoy ;)

Here’s the original picture

And here is the translation! (Italized text are context comments added by me to add to the understanding of this text!)

Warning: Some of the information here is obviously incorrect!

Pink Floyd: Their profiles

Nick Mason:

Born on the 27th of January 1945 in London, plays drums, has black hair, brown eyes, is 1,72 m tall (for non metric peeps it’s approximately 5 foot 8), is married to Lindy, has two daughters, owns a vineyard and collects old cars (old timers in German means old/vintage cars)

Rick Wright:

Born on the 28th of July 1945 in London, plays the organ/keyboard, piano, cello, and Moog-synthesizer; has blonde hair, blue eyes, is 1, 74 m tall (approximately 5 foot 9), is married to Juliette, has a son named Jamie, and a daughter named Gaia, loves football (or soccer for American peeps)

Roger Waters:

Born on the 6th of September 1944 in Great Bookham near Cambridge, plays bass, Moog-synthesizer, and sings as well; has blonde hair, grey eyes, is 1,83 m tall (approximately 6 feet), is married to Caroline, and has a 15 month old son named Harry.

David Gilmour:

Born on the 6th of March 1946 in Cambridge, plays lead guitar and sings; has brown hair, blue eyes, is 1,78 m tall (approximately 5 foot 10), is married to Ginger, and has a 2 year old daughter named Alice.

The diary/summary of their career; All their albums

1965

The three architecture students Roger Waters, Rick Wright, and Nick Mason meet and get to know each other, establishing the band Sigma 6.

1966

February: Sigma 6 gets their first fee for a performance in the London Marquee Club and mostly cover popular rock and blues songs. During this time they meet art student Syd Barrett. He writes songs and joins the band as a guitarist and singer. Under his influence Sigma 6 evolve into their own music style: The group does electronic experiments and uses spotlights, reversal film, and recorded footage as part of their stage shows. Thus psychedelic music is born. Syd Barrett is as well (psychedelic), who now comes up with new names for the band almost every month — they call themselves “T-Set,“ “Abdabs” — and in this group a girl sings as well from time to time: Juliette Gale. She later marries keyboardist Rick Wright.

June: The group could pay for a band bus for approximately 200 Mark (the German currency at the time of this article), but decide to separate for the time instead. No one is interested in performing, since the boys want to enjoy the semester holidays as well as after them improve and work harder on their studies; music is fun but a real job is more important. Syd Barrett then has a new idea for a band name: The Pink Floyd Sound. He comes up with his idea through combining the names of two American blues singers: Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. The owner of an artist agency, Peter Jenner, sees a performance from The Pink Floyd Sound in the Marquee, and then from there on decides to manage the band, not knowing the band wanted to break up.

July: Peter Jenner gets the band gigs, and thus Pink Floyd stays together.

October: Pink Floyd are now the stars of the London Underground. They perform in the Roundhouse to 2000 fans, with even Paul McCartney being there to see them.

December: On the 23rd of December the UFO club opens, with Pink Floyd performing there daily henceforth.

1967

January: The English music magazine “Melody Maker” write an article about Pink Floyd, which makes record companies curious about the band. The band accepts the best offer, and as they sign the record label contract, they cash in an advance payment of 40 000 Mark.

February: The first single “Arnold Layne” gets recorded.

March: Arnold Layne goes to the English hit charts.

April: The single is on number 20 in the charts and then falls off. But this beginning success gives them the push they needed to record their first album “The Pipers at the Gates of Dawn.“ Norman “Hurricane” Smith serves as producer for this album, and began his career as a recording engineer for the Beatles. While Pink Floyd work on their album in studio 3 of Abbey Road studios, the Beatles work on their album “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” at the same time in studio 2; two decade defining groups working next door.

June: Pink Floyd join as a supporting act along with Jimi Hendrix and the Move (runner up band to Electric Light Orchestra) for an England tour, but only get to play 17 minutes.

July: The second single “See Emily Play,“ becomes part of the English hit charts, coming in at number 6, and the first album “The Pipers at the Gates of Dawn” releases.

September: See Emily Play also goes into the German hit charts and reaches number 28. Syd Barrett at this time also creates a speaker system which is still useful today, where the speaker boxes are placed all around the room.

1968

At this time, it is practically impossible for Pink Floyd to continue performing with Syd Barrett. He is more and more off in his own world and mind, often not knowing where he is. Out of necessity, the band thus searches for a second guitarist who could join the band.

February: David Gilmour joins Pink Floyd. Syd is still part of the band, but during concerts his amps are often not even turned on, so that the audience doesn’t know any better about his mistakes.

April: On the 6th of April Syd definitively leaves the band, with manager Peter Jenner going with him. Pink Floyd begin working on their second album “A Saucerful of Secrets.“

June: At a free open air concert on the 29th in the London Hyde Park the band officially announces and debuts David Gilmour as their new lead (and only) guitarist. On the same day the new album releases as well.

1969

July: The soundtrack album Pink Floyd worked on for the film “More,” releases.

October: Pink Floyd have their first concert in Germany on the 11th of October at the Pop and Blues Festival in the Essen Grugahalle venue. On this day, Deep Purple celebrate their first concert in Germany as well.

November: The double album “Ummagumma” releases and makes the group successful worldwide for the first time.

1970

March: The soundtrack album Pink Floyd worked on for the film “Zabriskie Point” releases.

June: Pink Floyd perform the title track of their upcoming new album “Atom Heart Mother” worldwide at open air festivals with recorded footage, dry ice fog, and light bombs as part of their special effects on stage.

October: The album “Atom Heart Mother” releases and leads the album charts in England and America.

1971

The album “Meddle” comes out. This year Pink Floyd is particularly busy; they go from one concert to the next and have multiple tours worldwide.

1972

The soundtrack album Pink Floyd worked on for the film “La Vallée” releases under the title “Obscured by Clouds” as their new album. The rest of the year the band spends inside the studio.

1973

March: The album “Dark Side of the Moon” releases and is on the English and American album charts for over two years, and also goes gold in Germany. It is to this day the band’s most sold album.

October: Pink Floyd perform their last German concert for a long time on the 12th of October at the Olympiahalle in Munich, and it becomes the sensation of the year. Pink Floyd also make their way into the English and German single charts again with the single “Money.”

1974

Pink Floyd are tired of success and go back to their private family lives, with rumors appearing that the group will break up. In autumn, the double album “A nice pair” comes out, which is a rerelease of their first two albums.

1975

September: The album “Wish You Were Here” releases.

1976

This year, Pink Floyd doesn’t appear publicly that much as well, except for some performances at festivals.

1977

January: In Dortmund Pink Floyd start their first German tour since 3 years ago on the 23rd. They have 2 concerts each for Dortmund, Frankfurt, and Berlin, with Munich having 3. All concerts were sold out 2 months before the tour started. Simultaneously the 11th album of the band, “Animals” releases. Even before the album released, “Animals” goes gold, with 250 000 records being preordered. This German tour is also the starting point of a months long worldwide tour — the most comprehensive one that Pink Floyd have undertaken yet.

Written originally by: K. E. Siegfried

Translated from German to English by: me! (Vik)

(Btw my source to where I found this is the Internet archive, love that place!)

also here are some pictures that were included in the magazine of the band!

[yandereunsolved]

Roses are Red; Violets are Blue - ,, yandere pre-death Tate

cw(s): yandere themes, suggestive themes, mention of cocaine, Tates actions (the lighting of a human on fire & a school shooting) a/n: Tate is aged up here and is in college instead of high school. He dies at age twenty-one instead of seventeen, because it feels weird to write an older teen as a romantic yandere. Mentions of Violet— she's eighteen and a senior in high school.

✧ You both grew up together, sort of. You were always someone Tate could never talk to. He was a bit too scared to speak with you. You just seemed so perfect, and he was not. You moved into his neighborhood when you both were much younger. His hellish 'mother' didn't like your family for a reason; he never quite paid attention. It was something about you all not being holy enough. About how you were going to corrupt her perfect golden son. There was nothing you taught Tate about himself that he wasn't bound to figure out. He learned about boners after peeping through your window one night while you were changing after a shower. He learned the true meaning of the words 'I love you' after he overheard you speaking of how excited you were for the new Nirvana album. You even taught him how to follow people and not get caught by that person or the authorities. All this, and he still hadn't had a proper conversation with you yet.

✧ You legally started your friendship relationship sometime early in your freshman year, on October 30th, 1991. It was just something else that made him fall head over heels once again for you. He was having an already shitty day when some athletic losers began bullying him. He was getting pushed around for the umpteenth time this week when he tried to fight back. He got knocked on his ass and a nose that was both broken and remarkably bloody. You rushed over and offered to help him. He brushed you off and was a bit snappy; he still regrets that to this day. He just didn't want you to see how desperate he was for your attention. He craved your touch. If it weren't for all the blood on his face, you would have easily noticed how flushed his face was from just being in your vicinity.

✧ You offered to take him to the nurses office, and he 'begrudgingly' agreed. He was bouncing on his heels in his mind, and he swears that his nose bleed got worse. You even offered to help him walk there if he was dizzy, and naturally, he leaned on you. He even took a whiff of your scent near your neck. He had to resist nuzzling into you because you just felt so warm, like home. Like a home he never had. He asked you to stay even after the nurse said you could go back to class. He'd made up some lame excuse about you being a witness and him having to report it. Such a fucking lie. None of the administrators would give a shit. Everyone in this godforsaken college is an adult. So 'bullying' doesn't exist, apparently. At least the college is near both of your houses.

✧ That's the best part. This is your first real interaction, and you are already inviting him over. You feel bad that his nose got sprained and that the nurse had to reset it. So you—

'Oh my god, you called me cute!? You said you saw me around the neighborhood all these years and were too shy to talk to me. You've always been so shy. You've always been someone who needed someone to take care of you. You'd take care of me so well. We could happily take care of each other. Wait, sorry. I'm rambling too much. Iris, get back with the headcanons before I go on about them for another three hours.'

Made sure that he didn't get left alone. You heard from around the neighborhood that his mother is kind of nuts. So you thought he would be the same, but he's actually kind of awkward and distant, and sweet. You two spent the entire night together and ended up having a sleepover. Tate likes it a lot more when the sleepovers are consensual and not him climbing through your window, crawling into your bed, cuddling into you, then leaving you right before you wake.

✧ Something you have to know about Tate is that he is undeniably a pervert. Constance ruined any chance he ever had to take a girl out on a date. Then, when his casual interest turned into an obsession, he was able to sneak out without alerting her. So just being around you makes his mind run wild and his hands perspire. He steals your undergarments the most—it doesn't matter what they are. It could be anything from a lacy bra to a pair of men's boxers. He always steals your oldest items because your scent is ingrained into their very fabrics. He hides the items he 'borrows' from you in a box behind a brick in the basement. He goes down there every night and inhales your heavenly scent. His eyes roll back in his head, and suddenly he has a problem that he has to take care of.

✧ That's not where his perverted nature ends, either. He suddenly became very interested in photography. He buys a secret camera to use whenever he 'sees' you. Whenever he watches you when you aren't aware. He takes photos of you doing the most mundane things: exercising, cooking, working on homework, walking, breathing, and blinking. He also takes photos of you while sleeping, getting out of the shower, stretching, and wearing those skimpy little clothes of yours. It makes his mouth water fervently. The photos quickly pile up. He keeps the physical photos in the same box behind the same removed brick.

✧ He buys you more pretty clothes. Most of them are revealing, but you seem to like that. At least that's what he's seen in you in your private life. Of course, you don't know they are from him. He's too insecure for that. So he wraps them up all nice and pretty and leaves them on your bed. He always writes down 'your secret admirer' on the packaging. He opens your window when you and your family are gone and leaves them then. If he is feeling more confident, then he'll open your window and put the package on the floor. You start locking your window after that. So he's constantly breaking the lock on your window. When the family gets the police involved, he gets extremely upset. He begins to ignore you, so you know exactly how he feels when you ignore his gifts and say it's from some 'creepy stalker'.

✧ You are understandably confused when one of your closest friends begins ignoring you. You think he might be scared of the fact that you have a stalker. It makes you desperate. You don't want to be left alone. You need your friend. That makes Tate all giddy inside. He gets to stay near you whenever he wants. As much as he pleases? You seem so scared of some hypothetical boogeyman. It's just sweet ole' him! Not that you know that. He understands, though. He'd be pretty upset if some random man started doing the things he's doing for you. No other man could be as devoted to you as he is.

✧ Slowly, the number of your friends and close family dwindles. Each of your friends either cuts contact with you or disappears altogether. Now, now, Tate has put so much effort into this for you. It wasn't easy. It wasn't something he could pull off on his own. He had to scrounge around for as much money as he could to hire a hitman on several occasions. He stole the money from his mother's various rich and fleeting boyfriends. She would use them up soon enough anyway. So there's no reason for him to care about their financial well-being. Besides, he is doing it for a noble cause—a war is yet to come.

✧ He takes a different approach when it comes to isolating you from your family members. He will get along well with your family. Insert himself as a shy, college kid that lives down the street and is best friends with their child—their only friend, really. His mother picks up on this and is immediately displeased. Of course she has only scratched the surface of the iceberg that is Tates twisted delight.

"As long as you don't fuck that godless slut, I suppose you can be around them."

He wanted to snap his mother's neck right then and there. Lucky for her, he had other plans. He inserts himself into every facet of your family's life. He slowly learns the skeletons in your family members closets. Did you know your cousin once had a lewd dream about your partner? Did you know your grandfather cheated on his spouse not once but twice? Did you know your Aunt once tried to poison you? Did you know? Did you know? Did you know?

Some of those may have been slightly exaggerated or entirely made up, but you completely trust him, so what is there to worry about? 

Soon enough the only one you trust is Tate.

✧ You connect the dots somewhat, but at this point, you don't quite care. You just want this stalker to stop. You just want Tate. When Tate learns his feelings are somewhat reciprocated, the stalkings become less frequent. After all, if he is always allowed to be around you, then he doesn't have to stalk you anymore. 

✧ He starts giving you love notes after the two of you begin dating. The stalker fades into the background, and suddenly only Tate is there. He is perfect for you. He is your dream boyfriend. He writes these cheesy and poetic letters about his adoration for you. Some of them are creepy—really creepy. You can look over that, though. It's just Tate being Tate. He was never confident enough to share them with you while he was just your 'creepy stalker'. Now he gives them to you freely. Sometimes they are just little doodles. Other times, they are cheesy words. Occasionally, they do have a tendency to get a bit violent. 

'Me & U 4ever.' '1+1=Let Me Fuck You Up' 'Love you more than Kurt Cobain' 'Let's go to a music festival and have fun~ ;)' 'Wanna sneak out later when your parents aren't home?' 'Is that bitch bothering you again?' 'Commit arson?' 'The thoughts are back.' 'Need you' 'I just want to keep you in my pocket and then lock you in a cage that only I have the key to for all eternity.'

✧ Everything was perfect until it wasn't. For some reason, you started distancing yourself from him. You had found a new friend group. You had found someone more healthy than Tate. Tate's hold on you was beginning to crumble. It was like he was trying to hold your disintegrating heart in his hands. You weren't spending every single moment with him. Whether this was actually happening or if this was just his paranoia is unknown. It got to him, though. It got to him worse than anything else could.

✧ He lost it one day. He snapped. It was a comment that his mother's new boyfriend made. Well, multiple comments. He found a secret collection of your things. He had done a bit of digging and began to learn just how unhinged his girlfriend's son was. Instead of immediately reporting him to the police, he confronted Tate instead. He threatened him with calling the police. He said that he was going to tell everyone about how much of a freak Tate was. He was going to tell Tates, dear mommy, that her golden child was actually a depraved, perverted loser who got off on stalking his partner.

✧ He needed to be gone. That was the one thing that ran through his mind. They had gotten into a screaming match that night. Luckily, no one was home except them and the ghosts. The energy was charged and electrified. The Murder House had set its sights on its next victim, and it was more than eager to swallow him whole. The devil in his mind didn't whisper any longer; he shouted. He spoke in a loud and commanding tone and told Tate exactly what to do and when to do it. How to win your affection back.

✧ He snorted a line of cocaine and grabbed his rifle and some gasoline. He lit that fucker up at his work. He was no longer his mother's boyfriend. He was just a charred corpse. He had one problem taken care of. Now, just one more stop—your college, our college. He needed to get rid of those little friends of yours. So, he did. Every single one of them he shot dead in front of you. He looked you straight in the eyes and pointed the barrel at your head. There was no restraint or morality in his hazel eyes. There was only darkness—a certain unhinged spark you had only seen in fleeting moments. Now it was a mighty flame, and it was coming to burn everything you knew to the ground.

✧ He made you beg for your life. He made you like it. He took you right there at that table and acted like it meant nothing. He kissed you deeply and dug his fingers into your living flesh. He knew it would be the last time he would have you in such a way—as long as he was living anyway. You were covered in bite marks and his residue by the time the cops came. 

You heard the next day that they shot him multiple times. You had mixed feelings. They had asked you if he had your consent. You said yes. They didn't believe you. You didn't like that. You didn't like that you liked it so much. You hated yourself for it. You couldn't help but admire the marks he left on you. They were like pieces of art. They'll fade, but the feeling of his fingertips ghosting your body in the most intimate manner won't.

✧ He gets extremely lonely; boredom overtakes him. He still has that box filled with your things, so he's always going through it. It's almost sadistically hilarious. He started with only his fantasies, and now they are the only thing he has again. At least he now knows what your skin feels like and how you taste. You have those things to keep him company. Not to mention, some of your clothes still smell like you. They're his comfort items. If any entity in the house tries to touch them, he will have an immediate meltdown. So, they've all learned to leave him alone when he's having his private time—his fantasies of you, him frenzily groping the cloth like it were your own soft, tender, plush flesh. 

✧ He was surprised when you came to visit the house once again. Tate revealed himself immediately and hung on to you needily. He peppered kisses all over your face and neck. He was so unbelievably relieved by the fact that you forgave him. You promised to visit again and again over the years. It made his soul soar; he almost feared that he had passed onto heaven and that you were only an illusion in his mind. You both did what you always did. You seemed cautious at first, but some part of you just stuck with Tate.

✧ Many seasons passed, and you visited him less and less. You moved on to better and greater things in your life than him. He isn't exactly sure what happened to you. You just stopped visiting him one day. The entire house became a lot more frigid and foreboding after that. There would be no heavy make-out sessions that left the both of you breathless. There would be no more late nights spent talking about everything and anything going on in the world. There would be no seeing your age, your beautiful face, and your figure known only to his mind. There would be none of that. Only him. All alone...

✧ Now, after all these years, he admires a girl who reminds him of his first love. Those tendrils of obsessive ectasy sneak into his heart once again as he hears her name, Violet. It was like the world had regained its color—well, a singular color. One fact about you rang in his mind over and over like a never-ending church bell as he watched the new family move in.

"Oh, my favorite color? It's Violet, silly."

.ೃ࿐ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- .ೃ࿐

⟿ taglist: @coentinim @bluerthanvelvet444 @cxndiedvi0lets @doll3tt33 @lacucarachapisser @t4telangd0ns1ut @etheral-moon @evanpetersmybf @evanpeters-posts @fear-is-truth

.ೃ࿐ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- .ೃ࿐

[kanmom51]

Jungkook W-live 28 March 2023

I knew it. 

I bloody well knew it.

I had this feeling in my gut that JK is going to show up for a live on that fateful eve of the 28th March.

You know, to announce the CK ambassadorship.

But then that could have waited a day, like after the actual company announces it.

Perhaps the CK thing was a good excuse. I mean, given the fact that he had a live for over an hour and a half and spoke about CK for about 5 minutes of it...

So yeah, JK came live and practically the full hour and a half was about JM, with a few minutes to whisper “Calvin Klein” and say he wouldn’t represent a brand he wouldn’t buy himself (do we hear a tiny little poke at a certain someone else here people?  You tell me).

I saw tons of posts about the live.  But I preferred to wait for the official translations, makes for a better viewing, not to mention better perspective – seeing the expressions when the words are being said is almost everything. 

Before I start talking about what was said and done in the live, let’s bring up once more the one thing that would have been a given to be talked about under the circumstances, but all we got about it was deafening silence.

Letter.

The song that JK was clearly oh so excited about that he had to give us a cute little spoiler to with his guitar all pre-prepared playing us the tune (which he had to learn especially as he did the backup voice not the guitar playing -  that was JM).

The one song that JK took part in on JM’s solo so exciting new album.

The  one song that was created ‘for army’, same army that JK has written several songs for in the past, same army JK loves oh so much, same army that thinking about them at times brings him to tears, same army that he was sitting with him right there doing his live for. 

The song that JM said in his Face live, one way or another (waiting to watch that one subbed and see the exact words he used) that was for Army (again, without playing it for army that are watching him do the live), and moving on, once again, without a single word about JK’s oh so loud involvement in this song.  On an album that is personal to him, in a song that is his supposed letter to army. 

Yeah.

That song and that JK and that army.

Not a single word about it from JK.

Not him bringing it up himself, nor him talking about it, mentioning anything about it, including when JM was speeding by the subject on Suchwita. 

You’d think he’d be piping up oh so proudly at that point saying “yeah, the song I helped JM hyung made for army” or something of that sort.  We’ve seen him do it many a times before. 

Nope. No piping up this time.

As a matter of fact, not a peep from him about that song nor it's meaning nor his involvement.

I wonder why?

NOT

I really don’t.

I know exactly why.

And you do too.

JK turns on the live 28.3.2023 at 2:53 am.

He asks what did he come to do today?  He came to watch JM on Suchwita with us. So, clear plan for the live this time.

He talks about starting to work again, working hard trying to find his own sound (me making happy sounds), using a straw because he’s been having trouble with his voice.  So, he’s doing exercises for his vocal cords with a straw, something he saw in videos, including seeing Sam Smith do the same.  He asks if it’s because of alcohol.  Ahm…JK… maybe it's that other thing you're suspected of doing that might be affecting your voice?

Please don't come at me, but maybe, just maybe, he has been doing that one thing that's not too good for his health, and maybe his voice either. And maybe, just maybe, the straws, in mouth constantly is for his vocal cords, but also a way to stop partaking in said habit...

He asks if it’s because of the alcohol, and then turns around to say he bought the straws because of his voice but it’s perfect for highball.  Lmao.

Ok, we are done with the straw explanations and we are all ready to start the actual live, lol.

He starts with a song he says he came across recently -  a cover Haize did of Still with you that came out a few days prior to the live. 

There is a reason behind everything JK does in these lives. The choice of song here, it has a meaning, it's not random.

So, we start a live that as we all know ends up to be all about JM with a song that we mostly believe to be related to their relationship. 

JK talks about Haize and hearing her in a radio interview saying she did the cover because this was the type of song she wanted to write for her fans.  Do I remind you that this is supposedly a fan song?  Do we all believe it’s just a fan song?

Interesting choice for JK to start the obviously JM heavy live with a song he wrote that we believe to be a Jikook song, a song about JK and JM but that army was given ownership over.

Do I have to remind that JK came straight out and said this song was written for army?

JK was way clearer than JM on this, no vagueness, no beating around the bush, writing this as a gift for Festa:

“I feel good because I was able to tell fans how much I loved them.”

And yet, Jikookers studying the song, the lyrics, in the context of Jikook and the rainy day fight, which JK himself brought up during that Festa, clearly felt this song was about those two. One of those songs, just like we feel Magic shop is, that army are told is for them, about them, but really has nothing to do with them. It might be a gift for army, a beautiful song as such, but it wasn't written about them, while coming from deeper, more private and personal feelings.

But did you see what JK did there?

He goes and writes a song about the rainy day fight, 'for army', 'about his love for army', a fight we would never have known about if not for him telling us about it during that very same Festa.

That shrewd little bugger (yes, I'm allowing myself to call him that), wanted those who know to know exactly what that song was about.

Kind of like Letter, don't you think?

We would never have known JM's initial lyrics and his use of dangshin if not for adding JM's journal to the album, for example.

I know I'm digressing here, but I just don't understand why it was so easy to take JK's story about Still with you with a grain of salt, side-eyeing it, attributing the song to Jikook with ease, all while with Letter it's all "if JM said it's for army then it must be..."

It just baffles me.

Moving on.

Before starting the main event JK gives us a couple of minutes talking about CK, that the video went up, smiling shyly, lol.  “if you look you can see that I only have CK underwear…you can see the sincerity”. – He talks about the difference between doing the advertising work with the group (company decision more or less) to doing it for himself, which is his decision, and he decided to do something he really likes, something he would really purchase with his own money.  He really loves CK.

“I can show you that my underwear is CK…but it’s kind of weird to show you.” 

Lmao.

A true ambassador he is.  Telling us he loves the clothes.  That he’s going to wear them often. 

He is really something else, lol.

Talking about how lately he threw out all his colourful clothes and wearing only black (well, we knew he was going through somewhat of an emo period), but he’s going to wear the CK denim now, lol.

That line of denim – I'm telling you, it's gonna be sold out in no time.  You just wait and see.

He laughs a bit about how embarrassed and shy he’ll be with the video, and he giggles saying “I think you’ll really like it.”

A-ha JK. You knew. Lol.

He goes on a little bit more about how he enjoyed shooting the clip, how he couldn’t eat during that period and how he really loves that brand, but then switches, says enough talk about that (not in those words) and gets back on track.  You know, for the actual reason he came live : “we need to watch Suchwita”.

14:08 more or less.  He’s looking to put on Suchwita.  Humming Jimin…,

then asking why doesn’t Jimin come up right away?

At first he can’t find it and he’s baffled by it, continues to look for it, actually kind of upset..

He finds it at last: “it did come out. Scared me.” Smile on face. 

Smiley happy.

The way his features soften when JM is talking.  Every single time JM is talking. 

JK said, I want to say promised lol, to tell us the truth about the dumpling fight, how serious it was, “scary” in his words.

JK stops Suchwita to tell us how much he likes Set me free pt. 2.  “it’s so my style.  He did such a good job.”  He also said how he likes the second part, we kind of see it later on as well.

So, we're back with Letter. Suga and JM are talking about the song.  Serendipity is playing in the background.  JK is smirking and humming/singing to Serendipity.  No stopping the clip like he did to tell us about SMF pt. 2.  No blink, no word, no humming or singing or bringing out the guitar to play Letter.  NOTHING.     

I can’t really tell if he’s upset, and maybe he isn’t.  It’s kind of a given that this would have to be passed off as a song for army.  An intimate love song they sing together, at the moment cannot be passed up as just that… A price to pay, I guess.  One they both understand ever so well.

I said this once and I’m going to say this again.  If Letter is indeed JM’s gift to army, a gift he is dedicating to army on his first solo album, didn’t he kind of move past it super quick?  All with Serendipity playing in the background (why not Letter, the actual song ‘for army’?).  And the body language.  Oh JM, how hard it is for you to lie you poor baby.  Well, you aren’t, not per say.  Because the whole thing was set up that way, wasn’t it?  The timing of the song on the album, the little references here and there, the PERFECT disguise.  So kind of what these two do all the time, what JK did with Still with you. Omitting and sharing half truths or little wittle tiny white lies once in a while (JK’s “I go to his room cause he’s the nearest to me”).  I was going to write “they kind of have to”, but there is no “kind of…” in this.  They have to.  Period. 

And yet they find their ways...

I mean, JM’s album, phew, the queer coding, the clear clues in the lyrics, in his Playlist video, WOW.  Just WOW.  And then he sits with Suga and is asked about the songs and he says outright that some of it is too much to share.  He’s sharing.  He’s giving us clues.  Those who are meant to understand do and will. Those that don’t understand probably weren’t meant to.

In any case, as per usual, the second you put me in front of a keyboard I start spewing shit.  This is not a post about a one Mr. Park Jimin. 

Or is it?

Because well, this is a post about JKs live.  The one he came to do after he told his boyfie that he missed him too (come on now, we all know it wasn’t us he is missing). 

But

Let’s do the math a minute. We do love our math, right?

If someone does a live but the whole live is centered around someone else, who is the post really about?

LMAO.

JK comments about JM’s hot food.  I guess that’s what happens when JK isn’t around to foo foo his food for him…

He listens attentively, he nods in agreement to what JM says. 

He giggles when JM’s giggling, with that look he gets, you know, that JM look.

He seems a little more serious, stoic, when it comes to Like crazy and the other songs on the album (other than Set me free pt. 2 that is).  I have a little theory about it. 

We are talking about the person closest to JM, his life partner, the person that spent the most time with JM during that 'darker' period the album is about. He knows what JM was going through.  He was there by his side when JM was struggling.  These songs, in a way, they might serve as a reminder of those difficult times.  As happy as he is for JM and as proud as he is of him, it might be hard for him to have this reminder.

Anyway, JM giggles, JK grins.

Our neuro divergent prince stimming  but focused on the show.

JK’s face when they show Black swan.

Proud bunny.

He finishes up with Suchwita and starts saying something about the way JM thinks but doesn't finish his trail of thought, noticing that he hasn’t really talked to the viewers during the whole episode – “I tend not to talk when I focus” (again, our neuro divergent prince). 

Yes, he was quite focused. 

As he continues to be throughout the live when JM’s on screen.

Next on the agenda, according to JK, was to play a song and “end now”.

Didn't really happen that way though.

The playlist during the live:

Love songs, eh?  Interesting…  Only thing missing was Letter.  But wait, he already played Letter on the guitar for us …

He comes back from the toilet (yes, he went for a wee, I assume), says he’ll end the live when he finishes his last shot.  Interacts a little with the comments, like reads maybe 3 and answers them, and back to sitting backwards on the couch and just listening to the song playing.  He’s not in the mindset of interacting with the comments.  That’s not what he’s there for.

6 songs  in (a couple not listened to till the end),  a couple of more comments read, intermission over and back to the JM show.

So, it seems, so he says, he’s curious about the lyrics of Set me free pt. 2.  And we’re off to watch the MV.  From his reaction at the end it’s pretty clear it’s not all the lyrics he doesn’t know, but more a specific word he wasn’t sure about – Maze.

He does know some of the lyrics already and part of the choreo too.

In that second part of the song he silences up.  Lyrics be damned.  I guess JM bare chest was something needed to be focused on. He’s literally mesmerized.  He did say he likes that part of the song…

Joke aside, I feel that the lyrics in the second half are more meaningful to him. We also notice that later on when he is watching the dance practice clip.

JK's scrolling and starts a video, JM centered video (members teasing JM), which he leaves on to watch.  Enthralled.  Enamored at parts. Giggly. Fully focused.  Again, barely talking to us.  And even when he talks it feels at times to be more to himself than to us.

Clip ends, he tells people to watch and stop sending comments, lol (I can’t help but wonder what comments were coming up at that point…and those that understand, well they will understand).

*Trigger disclaimer - this next paragraph can be a little triggering to some. If the subject of JK and alcohol is not something you want to talk about or here, move on to the next paragraph.

He brings up the question of alcohol again.  This is not the first time he talks about it.  Asking himself why he poured himself this last drink and is he addicted.  I don’t know JK. Well, not enough to say either way for sure.  But I do know that he’s an active functioning, now working again young man.  No, I don’t think he’s addicted.  I think he does use alcohol as a crutch of sorts, perhaps like JM told us he was a while back.  JM busy, while he wasn’t for quite a while.  I touched on it in length in previous posts.  I'm not sure he himself realises what addiction, actual addiction, means when he says those words. He seems to be getting back on track, but it takes time, and the drink it’s filling a hole that still needs tending to, but I really don’t think it’s an addiction, nor something to worry about, and him even asking that, in a way, also shows me that it isn’t.  His awareness is key here.

JK goes back to watch the TV looking for Jimin again.  He tells us he saw Pixid and it’s cool.

Guys, he’s clearly been watching JM content. 

When you can’t have the real thing, you go for second best, I guess.

He watched the dance challenge for Like crazy, commenting/ complimenting JM’s a good dancer.

Notice once again how he's not watching Like crazy.

Then he puts on the dance practice for SMF pt. 2 once again.  And super focused once again.

This is when we see him smirk when JM sings the line (in the second part of the song):

Look at me now, I won't stop, even if they mock me

And after this JK joins in to the choreo…

He clearly loved that song.  He did tell us there is something amazing coming when the teaser was coming out.

At this point he puts on upbeat music (Up all night by Kehlani and JB), runs to the closet to take out a lollipop to suck on, saying he’s bored.  You know what him playing with that lollipop reminded me off?

That Jinjikook live, you know, with the lollipops and the hickey selfie.

Let’s understand for a second what song he has on: 

Up all night by Kelani and Justin Bieber. Ahm…

He rewinds the song a little and he’s sucking hard on that lollipop with the song playing : “I think about all the ways you turn me on. And my bed gets lonely whenever you're gonе…”

And the man is sucking, real hard, all while these lyrics are playing:

But, baby, I'm a wreck without you (You)

All I do is fantasize about you (About you)

You're the light of my life, yeah, I mean it

Girl, you got what I want when I need it

And even when the sun don't shine

I'll be right by your side, holdin' you tight (Holdin' you tight)

And when you feel like nobody cares

I'll be right there to remind you that

You keep me up at night…

Then, a few more moments in, he’s done. 

He has to go work on his stuff (ahm… what stuff exactly I don’t know…perhaps the stuff the song was going on about), takes the last sip of his drink bids us goodbye, as he suddenly wants to go work, says he needs to do something and end of live.  There was real urgency there.

Hey, get out of that dirty mind of yours.

He could have just felt inspired by JB’s beautiful vocals singing about the ways she turns him on and how he fantasizes about her (whoever she was, that doesn’t really matter, cause we know exactly who Mr. Jeon there is turned on by and who he misses and fantasizes about)…

Yeah.

I’m going with that.

Inspiration. 

Good thing he was sitting down and the lights were dimmed.  We could have, well, seen said inspiration.  That would have been some spoiler.

Side note:

JM commented about JK’s live on Weverse and again later during his pre-recording on that day.

The man was watching JK. 

It’s clear from his comments.

And yet, he didn’t show on the live itself, comment during the live.  Not one word. 

Come to think of it, no one did (they could have been asleep, but they could have also just known when to keep away, lol).

So JM’s watching. 

You know, the live that JK was doing about JM.

JM is awake and watching. But he’s not commenting.

Only to leave a comment on Weverse that it was cute - letting both us and JK know he saw it.

Like he didn’t want to insert himself while it was happening

Not stop the flow.

Sitting and enjoying watching the love of his life, taking him in being so endearing.

Literally sitting front row view, seeing how much love the love of your life has for you.

He wouldn’t interrupt that.

And if I’m already talking about JM enjoying the view, well I guess I should also share my thoughts about JK’s live. 

You see, in my eyes Jungkook, he’s da man.

The man that told us he wrote us a song, all while making sure we know it's not actually for us.

He knows.  He knows us Jikookers have hundreds of clips with JK looking googly eyed at JM.

Do I talk about Karmy having a good laugh about JK’s YT algorithm?  How random it was for an unknown JM centered clip to just show up on his recommended?  Unknown channel.  How this clip showing up kind of means our man spends time watching clips with JM, probably Jikook too?

Anyways, man knows we see him.

Since 2020-21 he even tried to control himself more in professional surroundings, sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t.

So, he places the camera sits back and just lets us watch him react to seeing JM, JM interactions with the members, JM interactions with himself, JM talking, JM singing, JM dancing.

You think he didn’t know what we would see????

Man is far from dumb.

Man knows we see him, know his expressions.

Man knows he melts into mush when he’s looking at JM.

And yet, he decided to do exactly that – let us see THAT.

Man is precious.

[starsomens]

hii 🙋🏼 Can you, please, write about Noah taking care of the sick reader with flu, cold?.. He calls her (by regular call, by video call) during work and realizes she's not well, and although she insists that she is fine (because she doesn't want to disturb his schedule, his day), he comes home by surprise to take care of her 😣♥️ i cry just imagining him appearing at the door 😩😭

Note: I’ll use a Fem! Reader here

“Noah, Y/N is calling you back!” jolly said holding up his phone while they were sampling for their next up coming album. You were currently back home and he was over with the rest of the band. He felt bad about leaving this morning since he has a hunch that you were doing too well. He called you before but you didn't answer and he figured you were sleeping.

"Y/N, sunshine, how are you?" he asks straight away

"Hey, just calling to see how things are going so far *sniff* " he could hear the rasp of your voice and how stuffed your nose was "Sorry I missed your call, I fell asleep again after you left."

"Well, we're fine but Y/N are you sick? You really don't sound good." poor Noah was worried he left you alone while you weren't 100%

"Maybe I have a stuffed nose but it's really not that bad, really you're busy with work right now I'll be just fine!" you try and play it off while being followed by a cough.

"babes you're not fine, I'm coming home"

"Noah no! You guys are working right now! Just come once you guys are done okay? I can hold out until." you try and convince him. You knew working on music and making an album took a lot of work and focus and you didn't want to take away from that

Noah being the boyfriend that he is gave in "..Can you hold on until 6?" he asks knowing that'll be about the time they may finish

"You know I can, I promise moonlight" ugh and you used his nickname. You really knew the way to his heart

"Call me. For whatever okay? Please sunshine"

"I will, say hi to the boys for me. Love you"

"Love you too, I'll be home soon okay?" and with that he hung up

>>>>>>>>>>>

It was about 3 in the afternoon when you had finally gotten out of bed. You were pretty sure it was the flu. You head was pounding, you were exhausted, and your eye burned. Your cough and stuffy nose didn't make it any better either. You were wrapped up in a blanket with one of Noah's hoodies on with some random TV show on. It was more of background noise than anything, then there was a knock at the door. Getting up you go and look through the peep hole to see none other than your boyfriend.

You open the door in shock "Noah? You're supposed to be working on the album what are you doing home??"

"I wasn't gonna stay away from my girl when she's sick. What kind of boyfriend would I be?" he said coming in and kissing your head. He sets down a couple of bags on the kitchen counter. He brought some of your favorite cookies, soup from your favorite cafe, medicine and even some heat packs.

"Noah, you didn't have to..." you felt bad to have taken time from his work, but you also felt touched that he went out and got you all these things to feel better.

“Y/N.” Okay now he was serious “ you’re sick, I love you so I want and need to care for you. Now go get comfy on the couch while I get your soup ready” he pointed to your previous spot

“Okay okay, thank you baby” you pout. He leans down for a kiss but you stop him with your hand “okay that is where I draw the line mister. You are the lead vocalist in the band and I will not let you kiss me and catch my sick”

“Fine, Fine. But you’ll owe me kisses when your better”

He served your soup in your favorite bowl. Put some of your favorite cookies on a small plate and brought you two bottles of water. For one you had to stay hydrated, and to at least have a treat with your medicine. He found a movie he knew you loved and waited for you to finish your soup to cuddle you. Every now and then he would feel your forehead to see how your temperature was.

I have a few minutes to sell her check up on you. See if you need anything or if you were comfortable. Eventually you did fall asleep on him so he covered you in an extra blanket. No no it has a habit to take a picture of you whenever you fell sleep on him. And you being sick was not an excuse to miss out on this moment.

You just looked so peaceful he had to capture the moment. On top of that you were cuddling on top of him? Even better. And even if you were to get him sick he wouldn’t mind. Although he did start to feel that you were sweating a bit. You must’ve started to sweat the fever which means the medicine was working great. That also meant it was sent to wake you up get you in the shower and to change clothes and give you some more medicine if needed.

As for you, since no one has gotten there with all of these things to take care of you you didn’t even feel sick anymore. Just by him bringing these few things and taking care of you you already felt a million times better. And you will admit you did hear him while you were sleeping and how he had promised you to always take care of you when you got sick. And you will definitely tease him about it later on.

「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual



[watermelonsugacry]

i’m getting the feeling that matilda is about 1d!reader, and i already know that it’s gonna break me

Building Harry's House: Matilda

A/N: Sorry this took forever to post but uni work is choking me without a sea view rn so tysm for being patient lovies 💚

SUMMARY: With the world knowing of their once secret relationship, Harry and YN navigate life together as an official couple and everything that comes with it. (9.6k)

GENRE: 1dbandmember!reader, famous!yn

WARNING: mention of abuse (yn gets slapped), excessive drinking, mention of drugs

Previous Song Here!🍷// Building Harry's House masterlist // SINCE 2010 masterlist

SIDE-NOTE: italicized is voice over commentary (I wrote this kind of like the Behind the Album documentary) bold are things Harry actually said irl

Consistency is something that has always been a part of the spine in YN’s storybook. No matter how many years go by, Penny remains a burst of sunshine with a kaleidoscope of colors—Harry can see how YN came to have her own golden light.

Harry turns the wheel of the car with the palm of his hand and parks into the gravel driveway of Penny’s house. When YN finally saved up enough money to take her mum out of the rickety house she grew up in, she made sure to tell Penny that she could have any place she wanted—it didn’t even have to be in London anymore if that’s what she truly desired. Of course, her stepmum opted for a cottage in the countryside along with a forest for a backyard and greenery as far as the eyes can see. Colorful, homemade pottery, wind chimes, and furniture scatter the front porch, adding Penelope’s psychedelic touch to every little thing that YN’s seen since she was little. 

Harry’s been aware of how quiet his love’s been during their travels. After the unexpected phone call from her father in Italy, he didn’t hesitate to pack their things when she said she wanted to see her stepmum. He immediately called his private pilot and made plans to head to Doncaster as soon as possible. 

He watches as she exits the car without so much of a peep out of her mouth. He follows behind her as they make their way up the stone walkway that leads to the front of the house covered in greenery, much like YN’s home back in LA. He sees how YN pushes her fingers against the glass windchimes on the front porch before twisting the handle on the front door and walking in. 

He sees her stepmum round the hallway corner in a tank top that showcases the few tattoos she has scattered along her arms and tracksuit pants, her face bare and glowing. Her bare feet pad across the tiled floor as she readjusts her long black hair in a ponytail. When she kisses her stepdaughter’s cheek in greeting, Harry notices the yoga mat farther into the small living room. 

The place screams Penny: bohemian rugs, funky lamp shades and handmade paintings hung on every space the wall can fit.

After receiving the warmest welcome and being served tea out of her mismatched colorful mugs, the seal in YN’s silent mask finally cracks and it has her pacing across the kitchen floor. As he watches his love spill out everything on her mind that she’s kept in for the past two days and he can do nothing but lean against the doorframe of the kitchen and listen.

“Like, what could he possibly want from me? Money? Fame? A relationship with his daughter after eleven fookin’ years?” YN huffs out a laugh at the thought of her last suggestion with her hands on her hips. “Dunno how this bloke even got me personal number. That’s some hacker shite right there. And now I gotta change my number again and make sure that—”

“I gave him your number.” Penny blurts out from her seat at the table, making YN stop her pacing in the middle of the room. Her breathing stops altogether and the room goes silent with a faint sound of the glass windchimes from outside. Even Harry’s eyebrows furrow from his spot leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

“Whot? Wha—why the hell would you do that, Penny?” YN shakes her head as she tries to wrap her head around the fact that her step mum gave the one person she never wants to see again a leeway into her life.

“Look, I don’t support what he did or how he raised you—”

“He didn’t fookin’ raise me.”

“But he’s changed.”

“That’s like, the most bullshit reasoning anyone has ever given. And how would you even know that? Have you been talking to him?”

Penny fidgets with a strand of her long black hair and twists the ends as she mumbles out, “He’s reached out once or twice.”

“What the ‘ell? Whose side are you even on?”

With a hand on his hip, his other rubs against the stubble on his cheek as he watches the two women dispute back and forth. He doesn’t know if he should leave to give them some privacy or stay in case anything gets out of hand. 

He hates to see his love this way, pacing with frustrated fingers twisting the rings on her fingers so much that they’re sure to leave red marks on her skin. The crease between her eyebrows begging to be soothed out by his lips and the harsh nails raking through her hair demands to be switched with his gentle ones—the kind that has her falling asleep almost instantly.

“I was in the hippie scene, YN! I was young and naive and I fell in love with this bloke. I didn’t know what I wanted or what was right or what was wrong. But the one thing I knew for fooking sure was wanting you to be in me life.” Penny sighs out as she composes herself. “Look, you know I would never do anything to hurt yeh. He first reached out months ago; s’not like he called yesterday and I gave him yeh number willy nilly.”

“So what are yeh saying? That I actually go pay this man a little visit?” Before Penny could even begin her suggestion, YN scoffs and immediately shakes her head. “No.”

“YN—”

“No, not happening. No way.”

When Harry sees her stepmum let out a deep sigh and rubs a smoothing hand over her forehead, he thinks now might be a time for him to step in.

“YN, maybe you should listen to yeh mum—”

“Stay out of this, Harry!” YN snaps at him without so much as a second thought. “This is none of yeh damn business.”

“YN!” Penny scolds her stepdaughter but it’s no use as YN storms off to the backyard. It’s a rare thing for either one of them to snap at each other but when one does, it can be quite scary. Their last big argument was well over a year ago during the making of Harry’s last album and they’ve made it a habit not to revert back to their shitty way of communication. He almost lost her then and he’s sure as hell not going to let her go now. 

Penelope turns to Harry with a sorrowful expression, “Yeh did nothing wrong, Harry. She’s just stu—”

“Stubborn. Yeah, I know.” With a shrug of his shoulder and a sad smile, he says, “S’unfortunately, one of the things I love about her.” 

...

After walking off some of the steam around the massive yard, YN stumbles upon the garage she helped her stepmum convert into an art studio. Canvases the size of her line up against the wall (a painting in the works up on an easel), buckets of paints and brushes scattered every which way, and a pottery wheel in the center of the room. 

With her arms wrapped around herself, she walks along the shelving filled with miscellaneous items: Penny’s homemade ceramic creations, funky decor pieces, plants, books and the picture they used for the Story of My Life music video framed and displayed front and center.

She runs her finger across the array of books on the shelves, stopping and pulling out a particular book.

“Find anything yeh like?” YN looks up and gives her stepmum a small smile.

“Yeh still have this?” YN waves her old copy of Matilda. The pages were so well loved that one wrong blow of the wind could have the cover fall off of its spine.

“Of course, yeh wouldn’t let that thing go.” Penny takes a cautious step towards her stepdaughter and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder, “But there are some things that you just have let go, right?”

Penny’s ready for the young woman to blow up again, sigh out in frustration, and even walk out of the room. But it’s safe to say that she wasn’t expecting for her to look at her with glossy eyes and a trembling bottom lip.

“I'm scared, mum.” YN whispers out and Penny wastes no time pulling her into her arms.

“It’s okay to be scared, baby.” She reassures her stepdaughter. “But yeh don’t have to be. You have to choose whether or not you want him to have that power over yeh. You are so strong, so courageous. M’sorry that I didn’t warn you beforehand.”

“S’okay,” YN pulls back as she wipes at her cheeks. “If yeh would have warned me I would just keep avoiding him. I think it's a sign, right?"

“Follow yeh heart, baby. You know what to do." Penny brushes the strands of hair away from her daughter's face in a comforting way. "Have yeh told him about what happened?” She doesn't need to say his name for YN to know who she's referring to.

“Does he need to know?” Even YN cringes her face up at her words, already knowing the answer to her question. She blindly points to the general direction of the backyard. "M'gonna go talk to him."

Harry can’t help but think of how much Penny’s house reminds him of his mum’s place he bought for her all those years ago. Like YN’s stepmum, she didn’t want anything too grand in the busy life of London but a cozy cottage with a massive yard. He remembers hearing a lot about how the two mums bonded over gardening and wonders if the sunflowers growing off in the corner of the yard was his mum’s doing.

He gets pulled away from his thoughts on one of the patio couches when he hears the sliding back door open and he’s met with his love.

“Hi,” she breathes out.

“Hey.”

“M’sorry I snapped at you. Yeh did nothing wrong.” YN sighs as she keeps her gaze to her fidgety hands, her thumb twisting the ring on her index finger. “Yeh been nothing but supportive and you didn’t deserve that. M’sorry. Can you forgive me?”

He wordlessly pats the seat next to him and she’s quick to climb up close to him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and gently holds the side of her head and presses a kiss to her temple. He’d forgive her for anything in a heartbeat; that’s how deep his love is for her. 

“S’alright,” Harry mumbles against her skin and feels her shoulders relax against him. “I forgive you.”

“Good. That would have been awkward if yeh didn’t,” YN huffs out a laugh through her nose in an attempt to ease the mood and he can’t hold back the small smile of his face. 

They stay like this for a bit, wrapped up in one another as they look out into the giant, forest-like backyard before them. As much as he’d like to pretend that everything’s alright and move on, he knows that it’s not healthy to. That’s all they’ve ever done during these past couple of years since the band started: suppressing thoughts and feelings in hopes they would disappear and everything would resolve itself on its own. In a perfect world, maybe, but they’ve wasted so much time doing that that they both see what they’ve been missing out on.

As much as he doesn’t want to pop the bubble they’ve created, he knows this needs to be done—or at least try to.

“YN?” When she hums in response, he puts a reassuring hand over hers and is rewarded with the eyes that make him weak in the knees. “Do you feel comfortable telling me about your dad?”

“He’s not me dad,” YN shakes her head instantly. “He didn’t—doesn’t deserve that name. He isn’t me dad. He’s my father and the only reason he even gets that much is because we share the same DNA.” 

YN lets out a deep sigh and avoids her boyfriend’s gaze to look out to the trees scattered around the backyard. She’s never talked to Harry or any of the boys about her father, nor has she ever wanted to. When topics of her family came up during interviews, music video projects, or even group dinners, Penny was only mentioned and brought along. Out of respect, nobody tried to pry her open for any other information about if she had a dad, any other siblings or relatives she was close with. It was only Penny and the Tomlinsons—no one else.

“I don’t want to talk about my father,” As Harry’s head runs around with unfulfilled questions a thousand miles a minute, ready to close the conversation and reassure her that she can when she’s ready, she manages to mumble out, “But I do feel comfortable with you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes and I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’m never going to want to talk about me father but since I plan to spend the rest of me life with you, I need to tell you about this part of my life.”

When Harry turns his body towards her to give her his full attention, her nerves begin to spike up again. But with his hand in hers, it grounds her and makes her feel an overwhelming sense of safety. So with that, she takes in a deep breath before lowering down the wall of her past that she’s kept hidden from the world for years. 

YN, Louis, and some of her other friends ride their bikes down the streets of Doncaster after getting out of school. It was a particularly cold day this time of year and they were all wrapped up in thick coats and scarves. Now, YN isn’t big on birthdays. She never celebrated them in her own household but the Tomlinson’s never failed to give her a cake, collectively sing her the infamous song, and give her a present or two. But this year is different. This year, YN turns 16 and Penny nearly jumped up and down in excitement when her stepdaughter asked if she could bring some friends over for a little party. 

Nobody has ever really been to her house, even Louis—her best friend since she was five years old—doesn’t spend too much time over there either. He was already so used to her suggesting to go over to his house instead that he began to question if she was feeling alright when she told him her plans.

The only reason why she’s even inviting everyone over is because her father said he’d be out late at work and won’t be back until the late hours of the night. Not that she wasn’t used to him not being home, it’s just when he was, he was accompanied by a beer bottle and bitter comments.

The group drops their bikes on the small yard in front of her house before trekking up the short, creaky steps of the porch as they chat and laugh lively amongst themselves. There’s a sense of relief not seeing anyone in the small living room once she pushed and twisted her key in the lock. Her eyebrows furrow for a second when her step mum isn’t there. She did her car in the driveway but brushes it off before turning to the group.

“Alright lads, yeh guys can just leave yeh stuff in here and I can go get us something to eat from the kitchen.” YN smiles at her small group of friends as they all happily agree. Too embarrassed to admit it to herself but she’s actually excited about her little get-together. She’s never hosted a party before and Jay and Penelope pre-made some snacks for her to pass around.

“Let me help yeh with tha—” Louis says as he begins to shrug off his puffer coat when Penny hurriedly comes into the living room. 

“YN,” The young girl furrows her eyebrows for the millionth time at the way her stepmum’s voice shakes and at the fake smile plastered on her face. “‘ello everyone, welcome. Hun, um can I talk with yeh for a second? Ah—Lou, stay there babe. The kitchen is actually a mess from earlier.”  

Louis stops in his tracks as he feels the confusion continues to rise up. Instead of questioning it, he takes it upon himself to entertain the group for the time being as his best friend and her stepmum step off to the side.

“Penny, what’s wrong? Yeh scaring meh.”

“Baby, um,” Penny anxiously pushes her long black hair behind her ears before looking over to her small group of friends in the living room. “There was a little hiccup at your father’s work today...”

No. Please, no.

“Well, wha’s goin’ on in here?” A voice sounds from somewhere behind her and the inevitable chill runs down her spine. 

 When YN turns around, her father stands before her. She’s quick to assess the situation: dirty white shirt, beer bottle in hand, eyes pink and puffy, and the stench of his breath.

“Having a little party without meh or whot?” Samuel taunts with a sickening smile before taking a swing from the dark bottle. Her stomach drops at the sight of her friends’ eyes widening at the man before them.

“Sammy, baby.” YN sees her step mum quickly come to his side and place a hand on her husband’s chest with a gentle voice. “Come on, we were just heading out, right?” 

Please, this can’t be happening. Not now.

“Come on, let YN have her party and we can go out for dinner like we planned.”

“No,” He says sternly, shrugging his arm away from her gentle hand. “S’me house. I paid for it. Why do I ‘ave to leave?” He slurs.

“S’alright, we were just leaving.” YN tries her hardest to not make this a bigger scene than it’s already becoming. “I actually forgot I left the snacks over at yeh house, Lou. Why don’t yeh lads head over there and I’ll be over in a sec.” 

“I don’t think—”

“Louis, I’ll meet up with you guys over there.” YN smiles reassuringly but her eyes tell a different story. He can tell that she’s just begging him to take the group away next door and let her deal with her father in the privacy of the worn down walls of the house. 

She feels ashamed and embarrassed by the way her friends awkwardly gather their things and shuffle out of the house. 

“Hanging around with that Louis bloke again?” Samuel provokes as soon as she closes the door behind the group. YN wouldn’t usually give in to one of his verbal pokes and digs, but whenever he brings up her best friend, it makes the fire in her chest burn hotter. 

“Got fired again?” She retaliates in a bored tone.

“Yeh being smart with meh? Yeh just think you’re so smart, huh?”

“Well I did skip a grade so what do you think?” YN tries to brush past her tispy father over to the kitchen to grab the pre-made snacks but it’s easier said than done. He immediately blocks her from walking any further.

“Do you think you’re better than me?” Her father yells in her face and the smell of alcohol washes over her stronger than before. It makes her scrunch her up nose up at the scent and she keeps her gaze on his dirty shirt than his eyes. “Yeh think yeh can do whatever yeh want and invite people over? Just like that? Yeh can’t just do anythin’ yeh want, Marilyn!” 

This wasn’t the first time Samuel has called YN by her mother’s name, drunk or not. Marilyn left her father when YN was merely four years old, too fed up by her husband to deal with him for another day and too selfish to bring her daughter to her new life. YN remembers the yelling from downstairs and loud shut of the front door. 

She remembers the bright blue and red lights from the police car flashing from her backyard later on in the night, and the two officers saying something about a car accident. She also remembers how it was the first time she ever saw her father cry. 

She doesn’t remember a lot about her mother. When she was older, she found a few pictures of her that her father kept away and needless to say, she was shocked. She almost thought they were pictures of her until she saw a younger version of her father next to her.

“Yeah, and you know what? I wish I was her.” YN bites back through her clenched teeth, finally having the strength to look up and meet his eyes. “I wish I was her so that I can fookin’ leave you like she did!”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, she feels a hot sting on her cheek. The strong impact startles her, her body reacting on its own from the unexpected action that her hands have to catch herself before her face can hit the ground.

“Samuel!”

She hears her step-mum yell, but it sounds muffled. Everything around her fades into a high ringing noise. It wasn’t uncommon for YN and her father to have some heated, verbal arguments. The both of them get red in the face and nasty words are exchanged that should never be said between a daughter and a father. As much they both had the urge to do so, never, never has he ever laid a hand on her until now. 

YN puts a hand on her burning cheek and whips her head around to look up at her father. His chest is heaving in anger, eyebrows deeply furrowed and she can practically see the steam radiating off of him.

As she picks herself off the floor and Penny is quick to her side but YN pushes the woman away from her while keeping her stern gaze on her father. 

Without another word, she marches towards the door. She thinks she hears Penny calling out after her, maybe even her father, but she doesn’t care. She swings the door open and makes headway towards her discarded bike.

She pushes her feet quickly against the pedals, her legs burn at how fast she’s going but continues on. She doesn’t even spare a glance at Louis’ house when she rides past it—her surroundings just all become a big moving blur. The tears on her cheeks feel ice cold as the wind whips at her face, but it simultaneously soothes the fresh marks on her skin. 

“I used to think that if I pedaled hard enough, I would fly away. Like some blue bird in fookin’ Snow White or something.” YN wraps her arms around her legs as she brings them to her chest, resting her chin on her knees as she continues to keep her gaze on Harry’s hand in hers. She hasn’t been able to look him in the eyes since she started to share her truth.

“Where did you go?” Harry asks softly.

“Well I wanted to run away, but I literally had nothing on me. So after circling around Donny for a bit, I sneaked into Louis’s room that night. Penny found me easily,” YN lets out a watery chuckle and wipes under her nose with her sleeve. “Was the first place she looked but I um, I didn’t come back home for about a month. Pen brought me clothes from home and stuff; she knew I didn’t want to go back there.”

“And your father?”

YN looks out to the orange sun set that peaks through the trees of the spacious yard and shrugs. “That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. Pen still stayed with him, I stayed at Jay’s and when the summer came around I went back when he wasn’t there. Two months later I had me XFactor audition and I never came back home.”

“M’so sorry, YN.” Harry’s index finger nudges under his nose to help keep his tears at bay.

YN shakes her head and kisses her teeth. “Don’t be. Y’know I hate it when people give me pity and all that. Makes me feel like I can’t hold me own. If anything, I just felt bad for me mum. Like I just left her there to go on tour with the band for two years before I could come up with the money to buy her a decent place of her own.”

“Baby, you don’t have to feel guilty for any of that, you know that right? You should never apologize for simply growing up and trying to move on, YN. Hey, look at me,” Harry gently nudges his hand under her chin to turn her gaze to him. “There’s no doubt in my mind that you can handle yourself. I mean, look how much you had to deal with and are still here; your golden light shining through the darkest of times. But you don’t have to do this on your own anymore.”

When he pulls her further into his arms, he hears her sniffle back her tears and snuggles further into his chest. His heart breaks at the sound and he feels so helpless, like he could have done something to ease her pain. She was hurting right under his nose and he didn’t do anything. But he’s reminded that this isn’t about him, it’s about her. He can’t imagine going through what she did for so many years. He doesn’t even want to humor the idea of something like that happening to his own mum.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised by her response muffled into his chest.

“Can you um...do you mind coming with me to see him next week?”

...

The day to go meet up with her father for afternoon tea came around sooner than YN expected. She barely slept the night before, tossing and turning every which way to release the pain in her temples. If it bothered Harry so much, he did a good job at hiding it because with every wiggle and frustrated sigh, he adjusted their position along with her. He peppered loving kisses to anywhere her skin was near his mouth at the time and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, encouraging her to relax. 

It wasn’t until Harry tugged her on top of him, tucked her head into the crook of his neck and massaged his blunt fingers into her scalp and back that she was finally able to succumb to sleep when the sun began to peek through the sheer curtains. 

After a few phone calls from Jeff and work related matters, Harry walks back into the master bedroom of his home in London with his eyes on the phone in his hand. 

“Darling, wanna start heading o—?” He stops when he sees YN still in her pajamas and her hair messily clipped to the back of her head. She sits criss-cross on the floor with plastic packaging and cardboard all around her. “Baby? What are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“Look, I finally framed my ABBA poster. It’s been rolled up and stuck in that closet since forever and I found these fancy frames I ordered a while ago but never put them to use. I think I’m actually going to order more and just redo all my posters and stuff.” YN rambles on with her hands on her hips as she looks around at the items surrounding her.

“Baby—”

“Oh! And I have to show you this viral TikTok I saw earlier.” YN scrambles to her feet, moving around Harry and swipes her phone from the dresser behind him. “It’s a life hack on how we can maximize space under the bathroom cabinets because as much as I hate to admit it, we both have loads of skin care stuff and this way we can stay organized! And then—”

“YN,” Harry grabs a hold of her shoulders. When he sees her wide eyes look up at him, he gently takes her jaw in his hands. “S’okay to feel nervous. We don't have to go to your home if you don’t want to, lovie. You did nothing wrong and if you don’t want to go, there’s no harm in that.”

He sees the way her wide, tired eyes soften as he can practically see her working the gears in her head. 

“No. No, you’re right.” YN lets out a deep sigh before kissing her teeth. “I hate it when you’re right. Bruises me ego.” 

Harry huffs out a chuckle and presses a loving kiss to her forehead before heading towards the connected bathroom.

“Come on, I’ll even get the shower going for y—” Once Harry opens the glass door of the shower stall, he eyebrows knit together at the balled up pieces of clothing on the floor banded together by rubber bands. YN gives him a sheepish smile. 

“I learned how to tie-dye.”

...

It’s hard not to notice the way YN’s knee keeps bouncing and her hands fidget with the rings on her fingers. He doesn’t point out the way she keeps moving the dials for the AC or how she tweaks the volume of the music every other minute. 

He licks his lips before giving her thigh under his hand a loving squeeze and saying, “Baby, do you mind grabbing me that chapstick I put in yeh bag?”

YN rummages her purse in search of the tiny tube. Harry glances at his love and finds that while one hand is shoved sifting through her bag, the other one holds an abundance of items: her keys, her wallet, a snack-size bag of Haribos she bought at the airport and their two passports.

“I can’t bloody find this stupid, little—”

“Hey, hey. S’alright, forget about it yeah?” Harry takes the items in her hands and tosses them in the spacious footwell of the car. He intertwines his fingers with hers and brings their hands to his mouth. “Thought it would take your mind off of things but I guess it only made you more upset.” Harry chuckles, trying to lighten her anxiety by pressing kisses to each of her knuckles. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Fook.” YN brings the heel of her other hand to her forehead and closes her eyes. Harry can feel the frustration radiating off of her. It’s heavy and bleak, and not like his YN at all. He’s suddenly thinking of making a “wrong” turn to the airport to go back to Sunny California where her golden smile shined the most. Or even pulling over at the side of the road to say how there’s a suspicious noise coming from the engine and how they need to wait it out before they continue. “I know m’being a bother. I just can’t stay still. I feel so silly—”

“You are not silly for feeling the way you feel. This is a huge step for you and I just want to thank you for allowing me to be with you during this time. I never want yeh to go through this alone, I know you wouldn’t let me go through this thing alone if it was the other way around. And if this turns out bad, I got a few—” Harry pinches his index finger and thumb together and brings it to his lips. “—back home we can do after.” 

“Yeh could have told me that before we left?”

He laughs at her disappointed tone before making a turn onto the designated property. “I didn’t think we’d make a good impression on your father if we showed up stoned.”

“Holy shit,” YN ducks over to Harry’s driver’s side window at the mansion driveway they pull into. “Are you sure this is the right address?”

“You’re the one who put it into the GPS.”

Like second nature, Harry opens her car door and intertwines his hands with hers before making their way up the driveway.

“Now I feel fookin’ underdressed.” YN adjusts the cardigan that keeps falling off of her shoulder. 

“You look fucking gorgeous.” Harry leans down to plant a kiss to her cheek. 

“Oh, no.” YN cracks a smile and pinches at his lips with her knuckles. “I’ve been a bad influence on you, haven’t I?” 

“Wha’ do yeh fookin’ mean?” She giggles as Harry micks her Yorkshire accent. Him and the boys would like to make fun of her accent throughout the years but Harry’s always done it to defuse her anger, to bring a smile on her face and ease her bundle of nerves. “This is how I bloody talk and shit, innt?”

“Is it now?” 

“Aces, man.” Harry smiles brightly at the way she covers her laugh with the back of her hand as he reaches over to push the doorbell. “Just buzzin’ in excitement, aren’t yeh? Oh bloody ‘ell, bloody ‘ell.”

YN and Harry’s laughter gets cut off by the front door opening. There stands an older woman, probably in her late fifties. Her blonde hair looks like it was freshly done at the salon and looks like a fluffy yellow cloud on her head. The woman’s sparkly cocktail dress and matching red lip are way too fancy for an afternoon tea, and if it wasn’t already for the massive size of their house, YN might have been surprised at her attire. 

“Hello there. We were just expecting you both.” The woman’s American accent rings through YN’s ears. As the woman extends her manicured hand to greet the couple, YN’s eyes immediately go to the sparkly rock on her finger. “My name is Della and you beautiful young lady must be—”

“YN.” A voice continues from behind the pristine woman, the same voice that runs a chill down her spine as it did when she was a kid. 

A man appears at the doorway, his eyes widening like he almost expected her to not come at the last minute. 

She doesn’t know who this man in front of her is, but it certainly isn’t the man she remembers. There’s no beer bottle in his hand but a gold wedding band on his ring finger. Instead of his stained shirt, a freshly pressed white button-up and a sweater vest covers his chest. Her nose doesn’t burn from the stench of alcohol but of minty freshness. 

But even though his eyes aren’t surrounded by pinky, puffiness, she can tell that those are her father’s eyes.

“Hello, Samuel,” YN utters out the words with as much professionalism as she can, almost as if she were interviewing him for a prestigious job. 

“I’m—I’m so glad you were able to make it.” The older man huffs out a laugh of disbelief as he runs a nervous hand over his thinning hair; his clean, combed and styled hair. 

When Harry sees his love swallow thickly from uncomfortableness, he extends an outreached hand, “Hello, m’Harry. It’s nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Barlowe.”

YN just stands with her hand still clasped in his as the older couple shakes her boyfriend’s hand. 

“Please, please come inside.” Della steps aside and opens the door wider. 

YN can feel her skin tingle by the feel of her father’s eyes on her and she hates the way she’s having trouble meeting his eyes.

It’s an uncomfortable experience walking through the spacious house, everything clean and neat that it almost looks like no one has ever lived in it before. The couches and decorative carpets are white and aesthetically minimal, grand chandeliers hanging in every room they pass and a kitchen that looks like it’s never been used. She almost feels the need to take off her shoes in fear of leaving a mark on the perfectly clean titles. 

As YN looks around the museum-like house, she quickly looks down at the feeling of Harry giving their intertwined hands a reassuring squeeze. Even if he can’t do anything about her situation, she appreciates the fact that he’s letting her know that he’s here with her for any support she needs. 

Once the group sits down on the patio outside, YN almost jumps in her seat when two women with white aprons come out with trays ready for their tea. 

Della and Samuel move in sync with one another as they drink their tea. They might as well be robots, lifting their white tea cups with such delicateness and gently dabbing their cloth napkin around their lips precisely three times. It’s borderline scary, like a jumpscare out of a horror movie was bound to pop out any minute. 

But she has to admit, Della isn’t a stuck up monster as she initially thought upon meeting her at the front door. She’s actually a very sweet woman who smiles at her husband with so much love in her eyes.

YN’s learned that her father was working as a janitor at a law firm company shortly after she and Penny left his life. There, he was inspired to go to law school and with some help from some people in the company, he was able to attend. He soon worked his way up to become a partner at the firm and the small company became bigger than anyone ever expected. He met Della in 2015 when she was working as the firm’s secretary and married a couple months into dating. 

“He would always stop by my desk and take from the lollipop bowl I had there. He would always ask me to go out with him and I kept telling him no—I honestly think it was because he liked my accent and I was playing hard to get.” Della whispers not so quietly and it makes a chuckle bubble out from YN’s throat. It puts a smile on Harry’s face to see his love more relaxed, not totally letting her guard down but enough for her shoulders to come down from their pinched position. 

“What made you change your mind?” YN questions with a sincere smile and takes a sip of her honey-induced tea.

“This guy—” Della playfully slaps her husband's chest. “Got in front of the whole office, guitar in hand and sang to me. Oh the name of the song is slipping from my mind...how did it go again?” Della snaps her fingers as she racks her brain. “Um... don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control...”

“I want a perfect body,” Samuel says along.

“I want a perfect soul,” YN finishes and looks down at her lap. “That's um, that’s Creep by Radiohead.”

“If m’not mistaken, that was one of the first songs I taught you how to play on the guitar.” Her father smiles and sits up straighter in his seat. 

“Yeah, you let me use your old Lancaster.” Harry sees the way her smile falters at the mention of the memory. YN was in middle school when her father showed an uncommon amount of kindness one day. It was the day she rummaged through the garage and found the pictures of her mum along with his old eclectic guitar. Instead of scolding her to not look through his old things, he sat down with her and showed her the simple cords to the song (thanks to the years of practice from Penny, she was able to pick up the melody pretty quickly). They smiled, laughed, and bonded. But like many things in her life, consistency crept its way back in.

Samuel saw sight of a picture of his deceased wife peeking out from YN’s hoodie pocket and a switch flicked inside him. He suddenly snatched the beautiful guitar and smashed it against the ground. After three swings, the base completely disconnected from the neck. He walked out without so much as another word and left YN panting, frozen in a state of fear and shock.

“I loved that guitar,” YN says softly and she’s back at avoiding his gaze. 

“I did, too. S’a shame I don’t have it anymore. Sold it to an old buddy of mine back in the day.” Samuel sighs out in disappointment and YN’s eyebrows quickly knit together. When she looks up at him in confusion, he sees him shake his head in reminiscence.

“Hey, maybe you should treat yourself and buy a new one, huh?” Della puts a hand on her husband’s arm with an encouraging smile. “There’s got to be a store somewhere that sells some.”

“Reckon’ you’re right, D.” Samuel smiles. While he leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek, Harry too leans over to his love. “That’s a great idea.”

“Baby, y’alright? Wha’s wrong?” Harry whispers.

“S’just that—”

“Okay, so I would hate to have you both feel uncomfortable about this and Sam warned me not to bring it up,” Della chuckles. “But before you two leave, would you guys mind signing a CD for my kids? They just love both of your music and they would absolutely die if they knew you guys were here without a little something.”

“You have children?” YN raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Two girls,” Della smiles brightly. “Sydney just got back from college—oh sorry, uni—last month and our little Abigail just turned the big 16 last week. We had a little surprise party for her and we invited all of her friends over. Oh, it was so much fun. And the cake was just so delicious—”

“Della, honey.” Samuel puts a gentle hand on his wife’s. “I think we’ve heard enough about the party—”

“I would actually love to hear more about it.” YN speaks up, straightening up her back and turning her full attention towards the older woman. 

“YN,” Harry whispers gently into his girlfriend and puts a comforting hand on the back of her chair.

Della nervously chuckles. "Oh, I don't know-"

“Please. Please, go on." YN insists. "Did you bake the cake yourselves? Did you spend all night the day before preparing little snacks for all of her friends, too? Did you guys buy her a sentimental gift? Samuel?”

YN gives her father an expected look, patiently waiting for his answer as he squirms in his seat. He nervously coughs into his hands before saying, “Um, we uh...well she just got her license not too long ago so we um...we put some money together to buy her a car.”

Della shifts her gaze back and forth between her husband and his daughter as the tension begins to build up. She sees the way YN purses her lips together and nods. 

“She had been asking for one for so long and since it was a special occasion, Samuel wanted to do something nice.” Della reasons with a wavering smile. “I’m sure that Sam here did something just as special for you when you turned her age. What did he give you?”

Harry—all of them really—can see the way Della tries her best to lighten the mood but right now he knows that she should just stop talking altogether. 

“A slap across the face.” YN nods nonchalantly, not at all bothered by the horrific look on the older woman's face. “Yeh know, the kind where yeh least expect it and the force of it is just so strong that it actually knocks yeh off your feet. Makes you hear a little ringing sound, too. Isn't that right, Samuel?”

Della looks over to her husband as he furrows his eyebrows and as much as Harry hates to admit it, the resemblance she has with her father’s current expression is undeniable. 

“I’m sorry,” Samuel shakes his head as he clears his throat. “I actually have no idea what you are referring to.”

The wind immediately gets knocked out from YN’s chest and if it wasn’t for Harry’s hand on her back, she’d think she was dreaming.

“M’sorry whot?” She scoffs. “So you’re telling me that you don’t remember the reason I left home?”

“Yeh went on to become a world famous singer. I always knew you would someday.” 

Harry can feel the anger radiating off her body as her father lies right through his teeth. Till this day, she can still hear his drunken words slurred to her:

You’re a waste of space.

Yeh think you’re gonna make it as a singer? You’re pathetic. 

You’re not worth it.

Just as Harry mentally (and almost physically) prepares himself from standing in between his girlfriend and her father when she goes off on him, he’s taken back when she lets out a laugh. She’s laughing. Her eyes squeezed shut with one hand over her stomach and the other over her mouth.

“Why is that funny?” Della looks around at the people surrounding the table.

“Sorry, m’sorry,” YN says in between giggles. “But that’s the biggest load of shit v’ever heard. So you’re saying that yeh don’t remember all of those years of yelling at me? Yelling at Penny? Drinking excessively? Breaking things violently in front of me? Hitting me?”

“Enough!” The loud bang to the table and the movement of the fine china startles everyone as Samuel’s voice booms throughout the patio space. “I invite you into me house to try to rekindle our past, to heal wounds and move on yet you bring up with shite?”

“Rekindle our past? Dunno how you expected to do that when you can’t even be honest about what yeh did to me! And heal wounds? Hate to break it to yeh Samuel, but those wounds aren't wounds anymore. They’re scars now. Already patched up and healed with no help from you.” YN lets out a small chuckle to herself before shaking her head. “I don’t know why I even came here. Della, you seem like a smart woman so I would advise yeh to have a little chat with your husband because he clearly isn’t the man that you know. Thank you for the tea.” And with that, YN’s chair screeches against the pavement before standing up.

“So that’s it?” Samuel spits. “And you? Harry, you’ve barely spoken a word since yeh got here.”

“How believe me, I have plenty to say,” Harry bites back as he stands up and puts a protective hand on YN’s back. “But out of respect for the love of my life, all m’gonna say is that you’re a piece of shit, man.” 

“Get the hell out of me house!” Samuel yells as he abruptly stands from his seat, the metal chair falling loudly to the ground behind him and he points towards the door.

“Glady.” YN scoffs and once Harry intertwines his hand with hers, they make their way out of the house. 

It’s a known fact that throughout the years of the two being in the public eye, they’ve been media trained to be the sweetest people they can be towards anyone they meet. Harry has been portrayed for years as a ‘bad boy’ who's never done anything bad and YN the ‘good girl’ with permanent innocence. It’s been rumored around the fandom since the band started that as sweet and soft spoken as they come off for their jobs, when they get mad—they get furious. So while many fans think it’s one of the many delusion based fandom-facts, no one has truly seen how scary the two can become when they get angry. 

“Wait!” The couple turns around to find Della quickly making her way over to their car but the two ignore her calling as Harry proceeds to open her door. “YN, please!”

With an annoyed look to her love and a sigh, YN relecutaly turns around, “Whot?”

“I’m so, so sorry about what happened back there. I had no idea he had done those awful things to you. If-if I would have known...”

It doesn’t take long for it to all click in YN’s head. Her expression softens as she recognizes the look in the woman’s eyes from a mile away. 

“You don’t know about me past.” She tilts her head to find Della’s eyes. “But you have experienced it, haven’t you?”

Harry’s surprised by the bold assumption, but when he flicks his gaze over to the prestigious woman, his heart strings pull greater than they have ever before.

“I don’t know what happened.” The older woman brings a shaky hand to her mouth as her eyes begin to water. “It first started shortly after we got married all those years ago. He was nothing like that when we met.”

“What I said back there is true. You are a smart woman. You know what to do. Think about your girls. They deserve the world, not this. Don’t let them go through what we did.” She surprises herself by wrapping her arms around the older woman, Della is quick to reciprocate. The hug doesn’t last longer than a couple of seconds,

but it was somehow something they both needed. So as she watches the couple drive away, Della is left with a truth she pushed back facing years in the making.

...

No matter how many years they’ve been working together, writing songs together and making music side by side, Harry still manages to get nervous showing her his work. But this isn’t any kind of love song he’s written about her in the past. This was on a deeper level of intimacy between them. This isn’t just about himself or his feelings of longing and loving towards her, but of her past.

He taps his leather journal in his open palm, gathers his tin container and with a deep breath in, he makes his way over to her where she’s seated in his backyard. In the middle of his closed-off yard, she’s sitting on a blanket he put out earlier, a guitar in her hands as she mindlessly plucks pretty melodies from the wired strings.

He leans down to press a kiss on her exposed shoulder before lifting the spaghetti strap of her dress back up and plopping down next to her. She easily flicks open the lid from the container and she smiles at the sight of a lighter and the familiar rolled up substances. 

“Romantic dinner for two, Mr. Styles?” She pauses her movements when he puts a hand on top of hers and she looks up at him expectantly.

“I uh, before we get into it, I actually wanted to share something with you first.” YN notices the familiar journal in his lap and gives him a cheeky smile.

“Another love song about meh? M’starting to think you fancy me.” When she notices his knowing look, she gives him a closed lipped smile. “Sorry, go ahead.”

When she sets down her guitar, he reaches out and takes into his lap instead. She’s pleasantly surprised by his actions. He usually writes on piano as his choice of instrument and feels the butterflies start to flap their wings in anticipation of what’s to come.

He leans over himself to make sure his fingers are placed correctly over the strings and right as he’s about to begin, he stops, “Don’t make fun of me, alright? M’still practicing.”

She laughs and grabs a hold of his chin as she plants a sweet kiss to his lips, “Promise I’ll keep my opinions to myself.” Her giggle is muffled when he pulls her back in for another kiss but sits back and patiently waits until he’s ready. 

With a final deep breath in, his fingers begin to pluck beautifully. He still needs a little finer tuning on his part but he’s doing a wonderful job so far. 

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal"

And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels.

YN tilts her head at the lyrics but lets him continue on.

Nothing 'bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now.

So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal.

It’s been a few days after the visit to go see her father and after crying and venting to her mum about what happened, the couple hasn’t brought the topic up since. 

You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, mmhm

There’s still so much she’s holding onto, so much still sitting on her chest that she's still unable to let go of. But Harry knows her more than anyone and understands her love language right down to the T: music.

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright

YN lets out a watery chuckle at the book reference, the one she loved so dearly as a child.

But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе.

You showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days.

It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind.

“This song was inspired by an experience YN and I had with a mutual friend—a person who we disguised as Matilda by Roald Dahl.” Harry explains from his interview chair for the Harry’s House documentary. The couple agreed without a doubt that they wouldn’t fully explain that the song was about YN. They usually never do but the song speaks for itself. “I played it to a couple of friends and all of them cried. So I was like, ‘Okay, I think this is something to pay attention to.’”

You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own.

It shocks YN to realize that while she went through this part of her life by herself, she wasn’t alone. Ten years ago, YN gained brothers, a family consisting of the boys, her managers, tour and production crew, and the fans. She had a family by her side this entire time and she didn’t even register in her mind. 

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry, no

As soon as he plays the last note, YN quickly shuffles on her knees over to him and wraps him up in her arms. She digs her face into the crook of his neck as he grips onto her shoulder blades, pulling her incredibly closer to him as he can. 

“People have so much guilt with things that they don't necessarily need to have guilt with sometimes. I think it's your right to protect the space around you and be protective of yourself and look after yourself.” 

“I’m sorry you went home to that.”

YN shakes her head reassuringly and takes his face in her hands. She’s been crying so much lately that she’s surprised that she hasn’t run out by now. She has so much love for the man in front of her. She was serious about before: she’s never felt this way about anyone ever before. YN presses her lips lovingly to his. “You are my home, Harry.”

Her favorite dimpled smile appears on his face and she presses her forehead to his. 

“You are my home, YN.” He says before pulling her back into him for more kisses.

“I think this song is going to touch a lot of people. It speaks to so many who’ve gone through toxic family members in their lives, people who weren’t loved in the way that they should have been loved,” YN gives the interview camera a sad smile. “S’a powerful one, this one.”

Back in the studio, YN can be seen in the recording room sitting in front of a Casio piano. With her chunky studio headphones on she plays along to Harry’s voice singing in her ears. 

Oh, there's a long way to go,

I don't believe that time will change your mind.

She can’t help but tuck in her lips in an attempt to hold back the tears that threaten to escape. 

In other words

I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go.

YN takes in a shaky breath and closes her eyes as her fingers continues to press on the keys.

You can let it go.

In a cathartic way, she finally releases the bands that she kept from her past. She lets go of her abusive father and the power he held over her for all of those years. She lets go of her biological mother’s name and accepts that she was never her, she’s her own person. She lets go of the guilt of leaving home, of leaving Penny—of leaving her mum there with her father for two more years and lets gratefulness seep in for the fact that her mum isn’t in that position anymore. 

But most importantly, she lets go of the nasty feeling her father soaked her in. 

She’s not pathetic, she’s brave. She’s not worthless, but worthy. She’s not a waste of space, she lights up the room with her golden light.

Taglist:

“It’s a weird one, because with something like this, it’s like, ‘I want to give you something, I want to support you in some way, but it’s not necessarily my place to make it about me because it’s not my experience.’” Sometimes it’s just about listening.” Harry sneaks a discreet peek at his teary-eyed girlfriend from her seat somewhere behind the camera. “I hope that’s what I did here. If nothing else, it just says, ‘I was listening to you.’”

Next song here! 🇬🇧

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