#god help me i am only halfway through the month

[viiioca]

day 15 - change

From the journal of Estelle de Laussienne, 17th of the 4th Umbral Moon, 5 7A.E. I had prepared myself for tears and yelling, naturally – Alisaie's storm squalls are a very well-documented phenomenon – but perhaps underestimated the sheer endurance she was able to commit to the task. I've met drill instructors less thorough in the job. "Moons! Moons of this, lying to our bloody faces! You knew the entire time and you let us fumble about, oblivious, because you thought we'd ruin it?! The absolute gall of you! The selfishness! The arrogance!" and so on, and so forth (edited for some rather colorful language, as well). She's given me quite the laundry list of sins to present in the afterlife to make my judgment easier. It's a good thing, because I think if the corruption doesn't kill me, Alisaie is like to finish the job herself. She has good reason for her fury, of course. She's spent her year on the First studying the effects of Light corruption. In fact, she found the one place that a person wouldn't be able to escape its most brutal realities and threw herself headlong into it. There is no one in this group who knows the process so intimately – no one who better understands the physical toll, the presentation of its stages and, finally, its awful terminus. This is a cruelty. But there is the native understanding between us that I shall not go down so quietly as poisoned fruit.

[roevember 2023 prompt by wintertitania]

[fridayyy-13th]

i am the world's biggest gayest idiot having the biggest gayest crisis right now

[slugghee]

"Hello guys, I am Muhammad Abu Hamam from northern Gaza. I am writing to you to create a gofundme campaign to rebuild what is left of my life and start a better life, God willing... Next December, I will be 28 years old. Throughout these years, I have been working tirelessly and diligently to build a good life that suits me. I have established a store that sells cellular devices, communication services, and mobile accessories inside Al-Rantisi Hospital. I worked at it for more than 3 years. I saved a fair amount of money for marriage, and I was looking for my life partner before the war. However, with the beginning of this barbaric war, I lost all of my work, leveled it to the ground, and completely destroyed my dream. As this war continued for more than 10 months, what I had saved was not enough for me. From money to buy my basic life, I am now without money and without a source of income, which the occupation has completely destroyed..."

Hello everyone! Let's give our support to the Hamam family!

Mahmoud, Muhammad's brother, reached out to me to help boost their campaign. They have currently raised $10,649 of their very achievable $25,000 goal. They are almost halfway, but d0nations have slowed to a crawl— they have only gotten two in the past day. Mahmoud and Muhammad have no means to support themselves or their families, and these d0nations are their lifeline. With the money they received before, Mahmoud and Muhammad were able to buy a white tent to help shield themselves and their family from unbearably intense sun and heat. Every contribution goes to materially lessen their suffering in this genocide.

If you can afford it, please don@te whatever you can to the Hamam family! And as always, whether you can or can't, share this campaign with as many people you can! That can be through reblogs, or by sharing in groupchats or with friends and family. There are many ways anyone can help! Mahmoud's next goal is to gain access to electricity by buying solar panels, so their temporary goal is $12,800. Let's reach that number as soon as possible!

THIS IS A VETTED FUNDRA1SER! Their campaign is verified by @/el-shab-hussein here and on the Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser List, where they are listed on line 149.

You can follow Mahmoud here! (@ma7moudgaza2) (This is his second account, as Tumblr loves banning Palestinians..)

ALSO, THERE IS A TATREEZ RAFFLE GOING ON BY @gothhabiba TO HELP SUPPORT THIS CAMPAIGN! You can find it and enter here!!

[propertyofyoutube]

I want to tell the world - EXPLICIT

Summary: You and Colby had been in a relationship for almost 10 months but you kept it on the down low. Colby wasn't ready to share you the world, only, you, Colby, Sam and your families knew of it and a couple of very close friends. You were invited on the dropouts podcast and when Zach flirted with you, and you flirted back as part of your cover.... Colby was not happy about it.

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, choking, dom!colby, spanking, inappropriate language, "slut", flirting, lots of dirty talk, arguments, angry!colby, creampie, utter filth tbh, alcohol consumption.

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"Oh my god yay! You're here!" Tara said as she excited opened up Zach's front door.

"We're here!" You laughed as you spoke walking into Tara embrace. "I missed you!" You smiled into the hug.

"I missed you too bitch!" Tara said laughing as she squeezed you tighter.

Zach suddenly appeared as Sam and Colby walked directly behind you, "what's up guys!" Zach said as he approached.

"Yo man, thanks for having us." Colby said as he smiled, shaking Zach's hand.

Sam moved in quickly, taking Colby's place, "I am so ready to my podcast on!" Sam said with a chuckle.

"That's a the spirit!" Zach said excitedly. "And hello miss y/l/n... oh how my empty heart is happy to see you." He said to you with a smirk as you rolled your eyes with a giggle. You turned to look at Colby, who did not look impressed at all. You give him a wink before smile at him. And with that smile he can't help but give you one in return.

Everyone said hello to the rest of the gang as they gathered in the studio taking their seats. You sat comfortably between Sam and Colby on the long bench as Jared took Alyssa's original spot and Tara in Jared's.

"And we're off!" Jared said as he initiated the beginning of the podcast.

"Okay guys," Zach spoke instantly, "before we get into.. into the dirty stuff... are you not going to acknowledge our outfits?" He said with the straightest face, his internet persona fully in action.

You, Sam and Colby all laughed as you looked at everyone dressed as Scooby doo characters. "You know I was thinking that you had an interesting choice of outfit." Colby said as he pointed at Jared laughing, who was wearing an actual Scooby doo costume.

"Well... I mean this is not usually how I would dress." Jared said chuckling.

"Did we.. did we not give you a good reaction when we came in?" Sam said sarcastically knowing we had no reaction what so ever.

Zach spoke quickly, "well I know that y/n wanted to jump on me and rip this thing off because we all know she can't resist a man, well any man." He said jokingly, insinuating that she was a slut. Sam and colby laughed as you rolled your eyes.

"Zach, stop making my friend feel like a slut!" Tara said across the room into the microphone.

You felt Colby's knee brush against you subtly as you couldn't help but smile. You suddenly, had a thought, not only do you need to keep up the act of you and Colby not being together, because he wasn't ready to share you with the world, it might be fun to play with him a little bit.

"I'm not saying she's a slut, but I'm just saying... I would not say no." He smirked at you as you raised your eyebrows.

"If you keep talking like this Zach, you might have a busy schedule later on that you can't handle." You said with a smirk and a chuckle. Colbys smile quickly dropped, he wanted to say something, but knew that he couldn't.

"Oh ay!" Zach said excitedly, "don't threaten me with a good time." He smiled.

You could feel Colby's leg start to twitch as he sucked his teeth and you couldn't help but hold in a chuckle.

>>>>>>>>>>>

You were about halfway through the podcast as Sam spoke laughing, "well no, I mean I went into their room to wake them up, and I thought-"

"Wait, did you just say their room?" Zach asked his mouth open and eyebrows raised, "are you two a thing? Did you just out them?" Zach said with excitement in his voice that they were getting a juicy reveal.

"What? No!" You said quickly with a laugh as Colby shook his head looking down. After all the flirtatious comments Zach has given you all night, he wanted nothing more than to tell Zach that if he makes a move on his girl one more time, he's gonna beat his ass. He bit his lip harder as Sam spoke.

"No no, I meant like to their rooms 's'" he repeated the 's' with a laugh.

Zach dramatically sighed in relief, "oh good, because believe me, I would never climb another squirrels tree."

You tilted your head at Zach, "so I'm a tree now?"

He nodded, "well, you're mostly a tree you're just missing the one thing that I'm going to give to you..." he smirked as you looked at him confused, "some wood."

Your mouth fell open as you couldn't help but laugh. But you heard Colby whisper under his breath, "okay." He was losing his cool big time. You gave Colby a look before changing the subject quickly.

"So Tara, when are you going to come on a ghost hunt with us?" You said turning away from Zach. Colby smiled at him you. You could tell that he was still furious right now, but he was trying to relax slightly.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

At the end of the podcast and the filming of the after school special, you were sat talking with Tara as Zach headed into the kitchen to fetch you all a drink. You hadn't noticed as Colby headed in there with him.

"Dude, y/n man, wow." Zach said as he opened up the refrigerator.

Colby took a deep breath before responding, "yeah... she's beautiful." Colby was having an internal battle with himself, he wasn't ready for the fans to know.

"Beautiful? Dude, with that attitude, I wanna put her in her place, being on all fours of you know what I mean." Zach said as a joke but Colby couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut the fuck up man." Colby said sternly as Zach quickly looked at him startled.

"What?" Zach said.

"Uh... we gotta go." Colby said as he quickly walked out of the room, wanting nothing more than to beat Zach with the shit he was coming out with, flirting with you all night.

Zach looked at him shocked, "uh okay." He said as he watched him walk out the kitchen.

"Y/n, Sam, let's go." Colby said quickly.

You and Sam looked up at him noticing the look on his face. You both knew that look, that was his 'I'm gonna blow' look. "Yeah sure." Sam said quickly standing up from where he sat with Jared.

As you all said goodbye to everyone, Zach finally appeared just as you were about to leave. "Hey, y/n wait!" He shouted as you turned.

"Yeah, what's up?" You smiled.

"We're going to be going to a party tomorrow night, and I think you should come." He said with a smirk.

"Sounds fun, we'll let you know tomorrow." You suggested on behalf of you, Colby and Sam.

"Cool, you can leave your purse at home, I'll be buying you drinks." Zach said with a smirk.

"Well, I can't argue with that!" You smiled with a laugh as you hugged him to leave. "See you tomorrow." You smiled once more before turning to see Colby walking out the door, his steps almost furious.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The car ride home, Colby focused on driving, he hardly said a word. You sat in the passenger seat with Sam in the back, and as you and Sam chatted. You looked at Colby and could see how his teeth were grinding together and his jaw was flexed. "You okay baby?" You asked softly.

"Yep." Colby didn't even look at you. He just kept driving, his thumb tapping against the stirring wheel. You turned and looked at Sam confused as he shrugged his shoulders.

As soon as you reached home, Colby quickly got out of the car, the door slamming slightly louder than usual. He headed straight inside, grabbing a white claw out of the refrigerator before heading straight upstairs to your shared bedroom. You sighed looking at Sam as you both stood there, shocked and confused by his actions. He's never acted like this before.

As you reached the bedroom door you took a deep breath before stepping inside, "baby?"

Colby sat on his sofa flicking through his for you page on TikTok, sipping on his white claw. He didn't say anything.

"Colby." You said more firmly, "what's going on?"

Colby looked up almost like he couldn't believe what you were saying, "are you fucking kidding me, y/n?"

You froze as you looked at him, "I'm sorry, what?"

"You just had to flirt back with him didn't you." Colby said, annoyed.

You shook your head in disbelief, you couldn't believe what he was saying, "woah hang on, are you pissed at me right now?"

"Yes- I mean no... I just-" Colby said as he quickly stood up and began pacing around the room.

"You wanted this Colby!" You said loudly, starting to lose your patience.

"I didn't want you to make him think he had a chance with you!" Colby shouted.

"You told me, that I had to act the same way as I did before, us..." you said as you walked closer to him, "you know that I was known as an outgoing flirty person! I was just doing what you asked!" You shouted.

Colby stopped, his breathing heavy as he looked at you, "You know he told me he wanted to get you on all fours."

You swallowed hard, you didn't know that, and you didn't know what to respond.

"And I had to let him say it. All because-" Colby said as you interrupted him.

"Because you what? You're ashamed to tell everyone about me?" You said without thinking as your insecurities finally came out. You truly believed that all of this secrecy was because Colby was ashamed.

"No! Don't ever say that!" Colby shouted walking to you quickly, "it's because my fans will give you hate, and you'll leave me! And I can't have that!" Colby said as you could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. You looked at him as your expression softened. "I can't lose you, especially because of them. I love my fans but... you mean more to me than anything else in this world." Colby whole demeanour changed as he spoke, his head now looking at the floor.

"Colbs... I would never leave you." You said honestly as you reached to grab his hands. "You are everything to me, and do you think me getting death threats from some little keyboard warriors would tear me away from you? Because they wouldn't."

Colby slowly looked up to you, his eyes watering as he held in tears, "I wanted to tear Zach a new limb... I wanted to scream that you were mine on that podcast. But I was just so scared."

You reached your hand up to caress his cheek as you spoke, "Colby... i am yours. And I would love nothing more than for the world to know that."

"What if- what if you can't handle the hate?" He asked nervously.

You chuckled, "Colby. You are starting a whole other fight here if, after all this time, you think I couldn't handle it!"

Colby laughed as he hung his head, a tear falling down his cheek, "you're right. I just love you." He looked up, "more than you know."

"I know you do baby. I love you too." You said as you pulled his head so his forehead met yours.

"I'm so sorry, y/n." He said as he composed himself. Kissing your forehead gently.

"It's okay..." you said back with a smile, "to be honest. It was fun to see you get all worked up when Zach flirted with me."

Colby stepped away as he laughed, "yeah yeah, I just loved it too." He said sarcastically.

You couldn't help yourself, angry Colby definitely turned you on more than ever, "oh you loved it?" He sat down on the sofa as you spoke, picking up his white claw to have a drink. "You loved the idea of him touching me..."

Colby's attention snapped back to you as you continued, you walked over to him, as you suddenly sat down on him, straddling his lap, "his hands all over my body." You tilted your head with a smirk.

Colby threw his had back against the sofa, "y/n please. Stop." You could see him getting angry again, and you couldn't lie. You loved it. You loved how his muscles tensed and his jaw locked.

"What's wrong baby?" You leaned your body closer to his as his hands found their way to your thighs. You whispered right next to his ear, "did you love the idea of him having me on all fours..." Colby's grip on your thighs tightened as you felt his fingers dig into your skin.

"Baby... please." Colby rolled his eyes as he clenched his teeth tightly together as his breathing quickened. You suddenly took his hand and dragged it all up your body, his eyes locking on the journey you took it on as his mouth opened and his jaw fell slack.

Just as you reached up to your neck, you placed your hand over his, bending his grip to the familiar position, "his hands around my neck, choking me as he fucked-"

Suddenly Colby's grip tightened catching you off guard as he pulled your head closer to his, just inches away. "You're being very naughty y/n." There it was, that low and dark dominate voice.

You looked at him with a smirk, "and what are you going to do about it?" You teased.

Colby examined your facial features before suddenly pulling you in, closing the gap between you as your lips smashed together. The kiss instantly deep and passionate. You could feel his dick began to harden through your jeans as your body grinded against him. Suddenly Colby pulled away, gripping your throat once again, "first, I'm gonna fuck you senseless." Colby spoke his voice hoarse, "and then.. I'm going to take you to that party tomorrow and show everyone exactly who you belong to."

You smiled at him as you tucked your bottom lip between your teeth. Before you could respond, colby suddenly moved his hands to grab your ass tightly as he quickly stood up, lifting you with him. You let out an excited squeal and you seen the smirk toying with Colby's lips as he walked you over to the bed. He gave you no warning before throwing you down as your back his the sheets, your body filled with adrenaline and your panties growing wetter with each passing second. "Strip." Colby demanded as he began to remove his clothes.

You obeyed as you sat up, taking each of your items of clothing off, quickly and promptly as you watched him also undress. Once he was finished, you looked up at him, his body amazed you every single time. Your eyes examined from his face, down his torso, to his hard cock soaked with precum. "Fuck..." you breathed out as you bit your lip.

Colby suddenly grabbed your ankles, pulling you to lay flat in front of him. He slowly positioned himself above you, his body between your legs as your core ached. "You've been very bad today." Colby spoke deeply. "Are you going to be a good girl for me now?" You nodded eagerly. "Use your words, princess." Colby said as his hands ran all over your body.

"Yes baby." You whispered.

"That's more like it," Colby said as he suddenly reached his hand down your body as you squirmed beneath him. His fingers finding your clit and rubbing quickly.

"Oh fuck." You moaned as you threw your head back your body arching up against him.

Colby leaned down and began kissing along your neck, sucking and nibbling in all the right places. He suddenly slipped two fingers inside of your dripping heat as your body crumbled beneath him, "fuck yes baby, don't stop!" You felt that knot forming in your stomach.

Colby mumbled against your neck, "don't you dare cum until I say." His words intensified your pleasure as you desperately tried to hold it in, "I'm the only one who can make you feel like this... I'm the only one." You moaned louder as he spoke, Colby moved to look at you, "say it." He demanded.

You threw your head back as he curled his fingers, your orgasm just inches away, "you're- you're the only one."

"That's a good girl." Colby said as he thrusted his fingers quicker, "now cum." It was like his words were a magical spell as you instantly came all over his fingers with his command.

"Fuck Colby..." you groaned as your body became overrun with pleasure and passion. Colby gave you no time to recover.

"Roll over." He said instantly. You tried to catch your breath as your body, already feeling weak, flipped over onto your stomach.

You suddenly felt Colby's hands grip your hips as he pulled you up swiftly onto all fours, taking your breath away. You felt as his hands ran across your ass, squeezing tightly. Colby kneeled behind you getting into position. "I'm the only one who'll get to see you like this. On all fours. Wanting me."

You began to rock your body, back and forth pushing it into him, whimpering for more. "Please baby." You whined.

Colby chuckled as his hand gripped your ass even tighter, "please what baby?" Suddenly, Colby lifted his palm bringing it down hard on your ass cheek as you squealed from the sting.

"Ple- please fuck me." You begged as you wiggled your hips, desperate to feel his dick inside you.

Colby bit his lip hard, the was not other sight he loved more than you, on all fours, begging for his dick. He lined himself, "tell me who you belong to." He spoke deeply as he teased your entrance with his tip.

You gasped, "y- you baby. I belong to you." Your breath began to shake as your core burned, his teasing tip sending shocks throughout your entire body.

"Again!" Colby said more firmly as he suddenly pushed his cock into your heat, your walls stretching around him slowly. He groaned deeply.

You inhaled sharply, "argh... you, I'm- I'm yours Colby!" You cried out.

Suddenly he pulled back out quickly before pushing himself in even deeper. "Fuck. That's right baby." He moaned as he began to thrust in and out, "you're all mine."

"Fuck!" You cried out as he began to pound into you, "yes yes yes."

"Fuck you feel so good." Colby groaned as the feel of you surrounding him, made him weak at the knees. "Such a little slut, just for me." He groaned deeply as he brought up his hand smacking you hard against the ass once again.

"Fuckkk..." you groaned deeply as his hand slid up your back and into your hair, gripping it in a ponytail. He tugged pulling your head backwards and you could feel as your walls began to clench around him.

"Are you gonna cum again, baby?" Colby asked as he continued to thrust, his grip on your hair growing tighter and tighter.

"Yes- yes fuck..." you moaned loudly as the knot in your stomach formed and you felt your your legs being to shake.

Colby felt your walls clenching around him, "just a little longer baby, I'm almost there. You have to cum with me, okay?"

You tried to speak but words wouldn't come out. Suddenly Colby's hand slapped your ass once again as he pulled your head back further, "okay?!" He grunted.

"Yes baby yes." You cried out, desperate to feel that highball over again.

Colby pounded harder than ever as both moaned out, shouting a string of curse words, "fuck, I love you so fucking much."

"I- I love- y-you too." You could barely speak, "please let me cum!" You shouted as your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

"Fuck..." Colby's thrusts grew quicker and even more powerful, "now baby!" He groaned deeply as you released, your orgasm hitting you as Colby's dick twitched inside you, followed by his hot cum filling you up. "Fuck y/n..." he moaned out, his feel deep and low.

You both panted out of breath, as Colby slowly pulled out, his cum following along, spilling out of you. He bit his lip at the sight. "Are you okay?" Colby asked instantly. You nodded slowly before collapsing down onto the bed.

>>>>>>>>>>>

You and Colby had laid together, your head on his chest as he planted many kisses on your head, his fingers tickling up and down your arm as you rested it against his torso.

"I'm sorry, but if me flirting with other guys gets me a pounding like that..." you said with a chuckle.

"No baby." Colby laughed, "if you want fucking like that... just ask." He said looking at you with a smile. "No more flirting." He said as he booped your nose with his index finger.

You smirked as you looked back down listening to his heart beat. "Listen..." Colby said as you nodded, he took a deep breath before continuing, "I... I want to make a video on my personal channel..."

You looked up at him, "oh really? It's been so long, what about?"

Colby took a moment before speaking, just looking into your eyes as a smile began to appear on his face, "you." You were taken back by his comment as your eyes widened. "I want to tell the world, that I am in love with the most beautiful girl."

You felt an uncontrollable smile beginning to form on your face.

"After tomorrow night though... first, I need to rub in Zach's face, just how fucking stunning you are on all fours." He said with a smirk.

Your mouth fell wide as you playfully hit him on the chest. He laughed as you joined him as he pulled your body on top of his, "I'm ready, y/n. I'm ready for whatever they want to throw at us." He said as he moved the hair out of your face.

You bit your lip before speaking in a whisper, "bring it." You both smiled as you connected your lips once again in a deep and passionate kiss.

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Authors note: this one was a bit more intense, I hope you liked it! Requests are open! Xx

[sayruq]

My name is Bridget Kushner and I'm managing this fundraiser for Mohammed and his family. Mohammed and I met and for me to help manage this fundraiser, Mohammed's ID and family situation have been verified by a journalist on the ground. We talk daily and have developed a friendship. I strongly urge you to read through Mohammed's story and follow him on social media. At 22, after 6 months of this, Mohammed has decided he needs to take action so he's quite late to fundraising compared to many people. Thank you for taking the time to read about Mohammed!! My friends, brothers, and supporters of humanity in the world, I am Muhammad Al-Shaer from Gaza. I am approximately 23 years old, and like any young man in the world at this age, I am nearing the end of my university and the beginning of the formation of my professional life. At this age, I only had 18 hours left (less than a year), and I graduated from university with a very good grade, and I had my own house, and I was working in the field I was studying (software engineering.) As they say, at the age of 23, I have passed halfway or more until the time came that destroyed all these things, destroyed all of my dreams, and destroyed all of these plans. After October 7 (with the beginning of the war in Gaza,) our entire lifestyle changed. Unfortunately, I stopped studying and I did not finish my university (I did not obtain my degree.) With the power outage and the internet outage, I stopped working and completely forgot about my field. The biggest disaster that befell us was that my house, my brother’s house, and my family’s house were completely destroyed I became without a degree, job, or home (homeless in every sense of the word). Since that day when we lost our home, I have seen the amount of sadness and distress in the faces of my family, especially my mother. And every time our hearts bled, we felt sad for every part of this house. You can imagine this feeling as you see your family’s house and the house of your dreams being slowly destroyed before your eyes, and you can do nothing but pray to God only. The war has been going on for almost 6 months, and I did not think about taking refuge here on gofundme, but when my family and I lost the entire house, I had to create this donation, hoping for your generosity and understanding of the magnitude of the disaster that befell us here. From a young man who has less than a year left to obtain his university degree, a comfortable job, and my own house, I thought about every detail when building this. To a person without a degree, job, or home, and unfortunately without dreams as well now. After I lost everything I mentioned previously, which is almost everything I own, and logically all of this will be compensated with the passage of days, but I own something very beautiful that cannot be replaced at all, which is my family (my mother and my brothers ) And after I saw that this war was eating away everything green and dry, and burning everything in its path: people, dreams, and plans. So I thought about trying to get my family out of this war zone, in which not a single area is safe anymore, and every area is literally at risk of being killed at any time, unfortunately, and out of my fear for my family, here I created this link, and Bridget (the foreign Queen of Palestine) helped me a lot with it. Hoping in your humanity to help me get my family out so that I don’t lose them and lose the most beautiful thing I have in my life. Unfortunately, to leave Rafah to Egypt, each person’s coordination requires $5,000. We have a brother in Egypt who went out a month before the war to study, and he is the one who will make arrangements for us and receive us there, and our plans in Egypt are to sit there temporarily to protect our lives from the war.

This family has received less than $1000. Please boost. Donate if you can

[goth-mami-writer]

POV: You're the quiet intern just trying to make it down these steps⬇️

@short-honey-badger who helped me cough this up a few months ago, and we had a lotttt of fun.

⚠️(absolutely not my art. The artist is @yunonoai on TWT. Thx!)⚠️

《 Your director told you to use the back stairwell after the day was finished with final takes in filming. You were the new intern on set and still learning everyone's roles and names, but you knew the cast well. After grabbing your coffee and bag, then being told by the director to use the back stairwell due to some work being done on the front entrance, your stomach churned.

That's where the cast took their smoke breaks between sets and most of them....didn't know you. You were the newbie, and you saw how some of them looked at you in-between filming takes. All of them towered above even the director sometimes, and intimidating just wasn't the word. Some were very cordial. Or at least friendly. But for others... that just wasn't the case. They were almost entirely like their fictional character. Smug and coarse in interaction.

You took a deep breath and opened the door to the back stairwell. The first thing to hit you was the smell of deep, musky cigarette. It almost gagged you because half of them were avid smokers, often being late to set times from hurrying back from their smoke breaks. The heat from the outside lot met you then, and you squinted your eyes from the bright light that illuminated your descent. But you realized now that it wasn't just a few of them here.

It was all of them.

The villains, the noble protagonists. The anti heroes.

Oh, God. Everyone was here.

"Heyy.." The half of them called out in unison while the others only gave a you side glance from their unenthused expressions.

All of their legs were folded across the concrete steps, making it difficult for you to navigate your way down safely. You swallowed hard and decided to speak up for those who might have not realized you were needing through.

"Uhm, excuse me. Sorry." You said with your hands clutched on the strap of your bag.

Nanami, the upstanding gentleman of the group, was the first to stand. He was sitting right at the front, that being your only sigh of relief. He was one of the oldest, and his presence on set always made everyone feel safe. He was especially kind to women.

"Here, dear, I'll help you through." Nanami said with a charming smile as he dubbed out his cigarette into the concrete. He told everyone to mind their legs, and only half of them listened.

"Oh, come the fuck on, she'll be fine." Remarked Toji, the boisterous asshole who spoke his mind with a sneer no matter who was listening. He rolled his eyes and moved his knees from your path. Nanami held his hands on your shoulders as you began down and you tried not to look at each of them but it was so hard. All of them were so endearingly attractive in their own specific ways.

Sure Toji was snide and downright rude as hell but his cocky grin made all of the girls' knees shake. It leveled everything about his asshole personality.

To your immediate left, was Geto, the quiet protagonist in the show who nudged the man to his side Gojo, who moved his blindfold up, moving out of your way accordingly with a smile.

Gojo turned his head down the stairs and everyone seemed to pay attention when his very telling blue eyes came from beneath his dark blindfold,

"Guys, let the intern through."

"Eat a dick, Satoru." Toji remarked from across the steps.

Everything was going fine. You were about halfway down now with Nanami's hands holding your shoulders protectively until you finally passed Toji by who began to loudly exclaim from behind you once his eyes fell low as you passed him by,

"Goddamn! She can walk past me anyday!"

You felt a very intentional smack to the back of your ass only to be returned by Nanami who you could hear reprimanding the eager man with a vicious grip to his collar before apologizing to you in your ear,

"I am so sorry."

"It's okay." You said with your face painted a blinding shade of red, and you looked down, just hoping to make it down the rest of these steps without being humiliated further.

Gojo and Geto had a little more class, only sharing a menacing look to each other at the sight of your ass so close as you passed and now you were finally closer to the bottom flight of stairs, still being led by Nanami.

Here at the bottom held two of the more unsavory characters that included Sukuna and Choso, two villains, however powerful and / or likable they were. Choso, the quieter one of the pair, only moved his outstretched legs, not giving a word in your direction before looking back down to his phone. His eyes were so catching and dark that you wished he would've kept your gaze. But that stare was only broken as you passed by the last loiterer there on the stairs, Sukuna.

He grew a cunning, mischievous smile and asked you with his voice that purred so seductively like a flirt no matter what he was saying,

"Hm, I've never caught your name on set?"

You told him your name and he hummed with a sultry, entertained rumble in his throat as he reached out to touch your blouse in a clear pass until he was stopped by Nanami, who was determined to not let you get touched twice.

"Hands to yourself, old man." Nanami grumbled before rubbing your shoulder as you reached the lower flight now. He asked if you'd like to be walked to your car as well, but you assured him it was fine, thanking him for being so kind.

"We'll see ya tomorrow!" Toji called down with his eyes narrowed in a haughty expression from his seat above, and you shivered hearing that.

"I promise we'll be more behaved if you take this way tomorrow! Have a good night!" Nanami promised as he made his way back up to the very first step, and you hurried now to your car. Your face was red, your arms were trembling, and your blood raced.

You weren't embarrassed or humiliated at all. Instead, it was closer to exhilaration to be so close to them in a cramped space like that. And it certainly didn't help that no one minded their manners. It only made you want it more. You fanned yourself and hoped that the front entrance that you usually took to get to the parking lot never got fixed.

[teddy06writes]

Morning Routines

Darry Curtis x autistic!gn!reader

Warnings: None

Premise: Slice of life of Darry with an autistic s/o

(The brain rot is fucking real. Also Darry is also autistic. I have another Darry one shot that I'm like halfway through)

Knock knock knock

"It's open! How many times have we told you don't need to knock sweetheart?" Darry asked, pulling open the door with a soft smile.

You held up the box of doughnuts the gang would surely inhale in a matter of minutes, and the drink carrier holding your usual morning drinks, "Hands were full."

For months now, you'd followed the same morning routine, week in and week out, arriving at the Curtis house each morning, in time to join them for breakfast, and help Darry usher his brothers through getting ready for work and school respectively.

Saturdays brought Darry's day off, and like clock work you would arrive with breakfast for the gang, and spend the morning with them until it was time to head off for your evening shift at the diner.

"How was work last night?" Darry asks, as you head through to the kitchen, having immediately taken both items from your hands.

You sighed, fiddling with the hem of your shirt, "Not fantastic, but there's been worse. Decent tips though."

Darry hummed, going through the cabinet to pull out plates, "Well, maybe tonight will be better."

"Hopefully," You sat at your usual seat at the kitchen table, pulling the newspaper toward you, and beginning to finger through the sections, "Nobody up yet?"

"Nah. Soda and Steve took the girls out last night, and Dal took Pony and Johnny down to the races with Two-Bit," He sat down beside you, "They didn't get back till late. Pony'll be out cold for at least another hour."

You pushed half the newspaper toward him, the sports section sitting on top, as he plopped the usual doughnuts onto your plates. You and Darry sat in comfortable silence, reading through the newspaper and drinking coffee.

Eventually, Johnny slipped into the kitchen quietly, hair and clothes from the day before mussed from sleeping on the couch. He sheepishly took a doughnut, like always, as you and Darry swapped sections of the paper.

Down the hall you could hear Soda starting to stirr, mumbling to himself as he padded to the bathroom. Johnny disappeared back into the living room and you could hear the low hum of whatever channel with early enough programming to show the westerns he liked. Soda shuffled through the kitchen, looking half awake until he spotted the doughnuts on the table, "Oh my god, I forgot it's Saturday!"

Excitedly, he filled a plate with a jelly and a sprinkled doughnut, holding up his hand to theatrically whisper to you, "This is why you're my favorite."

Darry rolled his eyes, swatting at his brother with his half of the paper, "Watch it little buddy."

Soda only laughed, heading for the living room, "Whatcha watchin Johnnycakes?"

You chuckled, refolding the paper neatly and reaching for the pen that always sat on the counter, "If doughnuts are all it takes to bribe that boy, I should be getting a free pop every time I stop by the DX."

Half an hour later, you were nearly finished with the crossword, when the screen door banged open, and Two Bits loud laugh was filling the house, punctuated by a loud groan from down the hall in Ponyboys room.

When you flinched at the noise, Darry scolded, "Don't you go slamming my door Mathews."

"Don't you go telling me to quiet down, Curtis," Two Bit appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with a fake stern look on his face, Steve hovering over his shoulder, "How am I meant to be quiet on the beautiful morning like this?"

Steve shoved him aside to get to the box of doughnuts first, "How should we know, you never shut your trap?"

You chuckled, rolling your pen in your fingers, "You've got a point."

"Keith Matthews and Steven Randle, I might've known," Ponyboy stood in the kitchen door, half wrapped in his quilt, and looking murderous, "Didn't anyone ever teach you not to mess with a man's slumber?"

"Well yeah, but I ain't bothering no mans slumber, Ponykid."

Pony was jumping at Two Bit in an instant, and you and Darry watched them wrestle across the kitchen tile. Unbothered, he returned to the paper as you watched Steve take advantage of their distraction to steal the last jelly doughnut. With a chuckle you shifted in your seat, rocking slightly.

"Is that good coffee I smell?" Dallas appeared in the kitchen, expertly dodging the on going rough housing and reaching to take the last to go cup from the carrier you had left on the counter.

"I want you to consider that your payment for getting those two jerks out of the diner last week." You said, pointing at him with your pen.

Darry raised an eyebrow, looking up from his paper, "Dallas Winston, doing a good deed? I didn't think I'd live to see the day."

Dally tried to shrug it off, diverting, "Hey is that the last jelly doughnut?"

Steve's eyes widened, having finally been caught, "Uhh-"

Immediately, Two Bit was giving up on pinning Pony down, "You took the last jelly?"

"Relax, there's still plenty of chocolate glazed." Darry reported as Ponyboy scrambled up off the ground.

As the four dragged the argument about the last of the doughnuts back to the living room you rocked in your seat, shaking your head fondly.

Darry leaned over to your crossword, tapping at 7 down, "Six letter word for family: insane."

With another chuckle, you dutifully noted it down, "Undoubtedly."

Even with the argument lowered to a dull roar, Johnny had pumped up the tv volume to compete, much to your dismay. You shifted in your seat again, trying to focus back on the last few crossword clues.

"Let's go sit out on the back porch, get away from them for a while," Sensing your discomfort, Darry began to gather his coffee and the sports section to review one more time, standing up and offering you his hand, "I'll even let you talk my ear off about that show you've been watching."

You grinned, taking your crossword in one hand, and his own hand in the other, "Sounds like a dream."

[munsonfamilyband]

In Everything But Blood

Alright, I finished the giant paper I had to write (40 pages jesus christ) and then grad school kind of kicked my ass for a while BUT I AM HERE, back from a months long hiatus to finally write the claudia henderson thing I wrote weeks ago. Enjoy, there will be more but this was so long and I only got to like halfway through it but I wanted to post this.

TW!!!! Seriously TW, graphic descriptions of gore and injuries, medical talk, THIS IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE GRAPHIC ON PURPOSE

~~~~~~~~~~

Steve wasn't fully aware of how he was still moving but he wasn't going to question it as he sprints into the hospital behind Nancy and Robin, Eddie draped over his back and getting blood everywhere, Dustin limping as fast as he could behind them. He would probably be panicking more if he couldn't feel the little puffs of air Eddie was breathing out every few seconds against his neck.

The nurses all turn to the doors when Nancy slams them open and while there are already plenty of people who look worse for wear in the waiting room, no one looks quite like the group that just walked in. They're all covered in dirt and ash and sweat and lake water and blood blood bloodbloodblood-

Okay, maybe Steve is starting to panic a little.

Nancy yells for help when no one immediately moves and the gun she's holding definitely helps encourage any nurses and doctors to get over any issues they have treating Eddie.

Robin has to pry Steve's hands off of Eddie's pants. He didn't want to let him go, too scared that he would die and Steve wouldn't be there to help. She manages to gently guide him away from the doors they took Eddie through and she sits him down in a chair before sitting next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"He'll be okay, Stevie. We got him here, he's okay."

Steve knows that she's only saying it to help calm him down, and probably to calm herself down too, but he appreciates it all the same.

As they sit there Steve feels the adrenaline starting to fade and he gets a very stark reminder of how his sides are stinging and every breath makes his shirt rub against the scrapes on his back and arms. If he hadn't been in a state of panic already, worried about Eddie and Max and Lucas and Erica and-

He takes a deep breath and leans into Robin's weight at his side. He can't get help yet, not until he knows everyone else is okay.

(If he were feeling braver he might also admit that he's been a little scared of doctors since Scoops, but he's not feeling very brave at the moment.)

A little while later Steve sees Lucas and Erica and forces himself to stand, hurrying over to check on them, to find out where Max is. He instantly knows that something went wrong when Erica slams into him and holds on tight. He only gets more concerned when Lucas leans in to hold onto Erica and Steve at the same time. And then the pit gets bigger when he feels tears hit his shirt.

"Lucas, hey, you're alright. Hey, look at me- hey. What happened? Where's Max?" Steve stares at Lucas's face as he speaks, trying to get an idea of how he's feeling.

Lucas takes a shuddering breath in before he answers, "She-she-.. it was going fine and then... Jason-Jason fuckin'- he crushed her Walkman and I couldn't-she was floating and Jason had-had a gun and I-She was-was dead, for a minute, and then she-she just started breathing again and I dont-"

Steve pulls Lucas closer again, a hand on the back of his neck to give him support as he spoke quietly. "Okay, alright, you did good. She's here, right? She'll be okay. She's gonna be okay." Steve stayed there with them for who knows how long, only separating when he heard a familiar voice gasp from the door.

"Oh thank god, Erica, Lucas!"

Both of them turned to see their mom in the waiting room and ran at her, where she met them in a crushing hug. As Sue held her children close she looked up, tears falling and made eye contact with Steve. Steve saw her mouth 'Thank you' to him and it made his stomach fall to his feet. Sue had always adored Steve for protecting her kids, first from Billy and then in the "fire" at the mall. But this time, Steve was the reason they got hurt. He let them go off on their own and they got hurt.

He nods and walks back over to Robin and Dustin where they're sitting, suddenly remembering his injuries again as he moves away from the Sinclairs. He has to force himself to walk normally just to make it to the chair, only to nearly collapse back into it.

~~~~

"Alright, time to go, Dust. Now that your foot's been treated I really need to get you home. Claudia is going to start calling morgues if I don't," Steve grunts out as he helps heave Dustin out of his seat and get settled on his crutches. Robin stands once Dustin is steady and she follows them out of the hospital and climbs into the passenger of Steve's car. (Nancy had left once Eddie was taken to stash the RV somewhere and she came back with his beemer. Steve isn't going to ask.)

The ride to Dustin's house is quiet, Steve can tell each of them is silently asking anything out there that the Henderson house was spared. Thankfully when they pulled into the driveway the house was in one piece and only seconds after parking Claudia is yanking open the front door and running out to meet them at the car.

She runs up to Dustin who had managed to stand up using the car as support and they both cling to each other in tears. Steve watches them for a moment before he has to look away or he'll start crying. He spaces out for a bit, just holding Robin's hand when he get startled by the harsh knocks on his window. Looking up, he locks eyes with Claudia and he can't quite read her expression but he can hear her say, "Get your butt out of that car, Steve, I need to look at you. You too, Robbie."

He and Robin make eye contact for a split second before hurrying to comply. As soon as Steve is standing fully he finds himself being yanked down into a hug, Claudia's arms wrapped around his shoulders.

Steve has to take a deep, shaky breath and blink very quickly to stop any tears. He loves Claudia's hugs, they feel like birthdays and Christmas and being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket with hot chocolate all at once. When he hears her mumbling about how glad she is that he's okay, well, maybe he cries a little.

After he and Robin are both fully looked at by Claudia and then each given at least 3 hugs, they climb back into his car and pull away form the Hendersons.

"Am I taking you home or are you coming with me?" Steve glances over at Robin as he says it. He knows the answer without he responding, just because her face pinches in the way it does when she's afraid of making Steve sad.

"I know last time we went to yours but I just... I need to see my parents. I'm so sorry-"

"Robs, it's okay to want to check on your parents. I'm not upset. Can you just.. keep your walkie on our channel tonight?" Steve glances at her again, getting hit with another Robin look that says she can see right through him.

"Always, Stevie. I am sorry though, I hate the idea of you in that house alone."

"I'll be okay, Robbie. I'm just gonna sleep as soon as I get home anyways."

Robin stares at him for a moment longer and then nods, grabbing one of his hands to hold in hers for the last half of the drive. She only lets it go to give him a tight squeeze before hurrying out of the car to her front door.

Steve waits until she's safely inside before he pulls away and goes to his own house.

The moment he shuts the door behind himself it feels like all of the energy in his body has been drained away. He can barely keep himself standing, only the pain that shoots down his spin when he leans back onto the door keeps him upright.

He forces himself to trudge upstairs and goes right to the bathroom. He starts with getting the clothes off, deciding to just cut them off so he doesn't have to lift his arms.

Then comes the cleaning. He first tries to shower but he can only handle standing with pressured water pelting his back and soap stinging his feet for a minute at the most. When he gives up on the shower he figures he should at least try to clean the bites.

One second he's standing in front of the mirror and reaching to pull off the fabric, the next his whole body is covered in sweat and he's sitting on his ass on the tile floor. His hands are shaking at he wants to vomit from the pain.

No changing the bandage then.

Steve forces himself to at least wash his face and hands with a washcloth before he collapses directly into bed and falling asleep in seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claudia is worried. She had already been a little concerned when Steve showed up two days earlier for lunch with a flushed face and too pale skin. She watched him and he didn't act any different but she kept note of it so that she could watch him. But then, when they were supposed to have lunch at 12 and Steve still hadn't shown up or even called by 1, well, Claudia was concerned. Steve always insisted on being on time, claiming it came from all the sports he had done (but she had heard him mumble about his parents harassing him about being late before when he had a head injury, so she just nodded along to his excuses). Being an hour late was entirely out of character and something in her gut, the same feeling she had experienced multiple times over the past few years about her Dusty, told her that she needed to go see him, and soon.

Dustin was thankfully not at home, spending the afternoon with the Wheelers, so she didn't have to tell him what was happening before she got into her car and drove to Steve's house.

What greeted her when she parked only made her more nervous. Steve, she had noticed, had strange habits relating to many things. He had to sit close enough to touch the person next to him, he tried to hide it but he never kept alcohol in the house anymore, he kept the curtains closed facing the backyard, and he always, always leaves the porch light on.

But that afternoon in early April, the porch light was off.

Claudia parked quickly and hurried to the front door, not even bothering with knocking. Instead she pulled out the key Steve had made for her and Dusty after the previous summer and let herself in.

The dread that had been growing in her gut only intensified when she entered the house and a very familiar smell hit her nose.

Body odor, sweat and salt and morning breath.

Bodily fluids, urine and vomit. And blood.

Infection, sickly sweet rot mixing with something like ammonia.

Time seemed to freeze as Claudia ran up the stairs, calling Steve's name all the while. She knew those smells, she had dealt with them at work too many times to not know them, and to smell them in relation to Steve made her blood run cold. She needed to see him, this boy who cared for her Dusty so much, this boy who had wormed his way into her heart, this boy who was her son.

Rushing into Steve's room she was greeted by her worst fears. Steve was lying on his bed, the sheets clearly kicked off and tangled around his ankles. He was only wearing his boxers and they had clearly not been changed in a few days, stained with his sweat and urine. His skin was covered in sweat, his chest and cheeks were bright red and the rest of his skin was a waxy yellow. He was shirtless, vomit covering his chin and chest and staining the pillow and sheets below him. He had what looked like scraps of a sweater or shirt wrapped loosely around his stomach. It was filthy, saturated with sweat, blood, dirt and pus. The smell in the room was much stronger than by the front door, her eyes watering briefly before she forced herself to focus. She was a nurse, she could handle this.

Claudia moved to the bed and gently kneeled onto the mattress. As she moved closer she could hear Steve mumbling to himself but it was so quiet and so slurred that nothing was legible. Claudia placed a hand on his forehead and jerked back in shock at how hot his skin was. Glancing around frantically for anything to help she saw the phone at his bedside table and grabbed it, punching in 911 before cradling the receiver between her ear and shoulder as she continued to check over Steve.

The next moments all passed in a blur for Claudia as she explained who she was and where she was to the dispatcher before they hung up and she waited for the ambulance to arrive. The ride to the hospital passed in what seemed like a blink of an eye and suddenly Claudia found herself in the empty waiting room at Hawkins General and she became aware of two equally important facts.

Her sweater and hands were saturated with Steve's sweat and blood.

She needed to call Robin.

The blood would have to wait, because she knew that Robin would want to be there for Steve so she managed to wipe her hand with some tissues before dialing the Buckley's house.

"Buckley residence, this is Robin," Robin's voice came through the receiver and Claudia let out a loud sigh.

"Robbie, honey, thank goodness you're home. I have some bad news. I'm at the hospital right now sweetie, it's about Steve." Claudia paused after she finished speaking, waiting to see what Robin would say. Unfortunately for Claudia, rather than saying anything, she had to listen to a gut wrenching gasp and sob from Robin, so she chose to keep talking. "I went to his house and found him in his room. I think he had been hurt and it got infected. If your parents are home, I think you should come here, he would want you here."

Robin mumbled a few okays, clearly through tears before she hung up. In the silence after Claudia had no choice but to go clean herself up, allowing herself a minute to collapse onto a toilet seat and cry. Her boy was hurt and she couldn't help him, he was so hurt he didn't even know she was there and she didn't know what to do.

Robin arrived about 10 minutes after they ended their call with a surprise in tow.

Jim Hopper, thinner and without a mustache, but somehow alive and marching into the hospital like he was going into hell. Knowing about his daughter, he probably felt like he was in hell.

Robin spotted Claudia first and ran over to her, arms open and Claudia pulled her right into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth the way Steve always loves. Robin held back just as tight and cried into her shoulder while Claudia whispered to her, "He'll be okay, he's going to be okay."

Jim didn't say anything, just nodded - as if she hadn't thought he was dead until that moment - before he collapsed into a chair, head in his hands and knee bouncing with anxiety.

Hours passed, Robin had curled herself up in a chair next to Claudia and was leaning into her side. Jim had moved to sit on the other side of Robin and surprisingly she reached out and held his hand.

After ages of sitting there in silence a doctor walked through the doors. Claudia recognized her immediately and knew that she had been lucky to find Steve alive if she had been called in. Dr. Graham was one of the only wound specialists they had at the hospital and she focused on the worst cases.

Claudia straightened in her seat, her two companions also coming to attention as Dr. Graham came to sit with them.

"Hello, Claudia. I'm sorry you had to come in on your day off but you got very lucky. If you hadn't brought him in today he may have gone into sepsis. Thankfully he has you listed as his emergency contact so I can fill you in on everything. I want to start by saying that he is currently stable and on heavy medication. He had multiple heavily infected wounds, primarily on his abdomen but there was also apparent road rash across the back of his arms and upper back. We were able to debride the wounds from the rash relatively easily but his abdomen was more difficult. The bandage he had been using was extremely dirty and not made for wound coverage so many fibers had been imbedded into the open wounds. Luckily there had been little necrotizing fasciitis but there was enough that we had to remove the dead tissue. I do want to make sure you understand that he was very seriously injured and delayed treatment made it worse. We are going to test the pus we collected for different bacteria to narrow down the treatment for him but I'm thinking it may be leptospirosis, since he is visibly jaundiced and the injures are obviously animal bites. We have him sedated currently and on heavy antibiotics in the ICU. If you wear protective gear you can visit him for a little bit, but only people on his emergency contact list can come."

Claudia's head was spinning, she was hearing the words being said and she was following the doctor down the hall to the ICU. She was putting paper scrubs on over her clothes and donning a mask and gloves, but it was all in a daze. She needed to see Steve, she needed to see him breathing, then she would be okay.

She was not okay.

Seeing Steve only made her collapse into a chair in tears. He looked so small in the hospital bed, wrapped in wires and tubes. But he was breathing. Robin collapsed onto the foot of his bed and bent over his shins while she sobbed and Jim stumbled into the wall by the door with a hand over his eyes as his shoulders shook with silent anguish. They knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, but he was breathing and he had to be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright that was part one, I'm working on the next half but wow that ended up being really long

Taglist

@maya-custodios-dionach @ape31 @eldtritchlizardblast @y4r3luv @devondespresso @zerokrox-blog @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @estrellami-1 @jonesn4coffee @whatexactlyismyhoohah @lingeringmirth @my-hyperfixations-hell-blog @spectrum-spectre @steddieasitgoes @puppy-steve @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @nburkhardt @sllooney @princessstevemunson @yellowdevilkitten @emchant3d @steddie-island @afewproblems

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[pollymorgan]

Oh my God, how embarrassing... I did it and translated my German fanfiction into English... into bad English! Don't be too harsh on me, but rather make suggestions for improvement: So now a little phone sex with Coach Negan. 🙈😌

Warnings: arrogant Negan, frustrated woman, explicit phone sex

Today is one of those days again, where nothing seems to work as it should. Just like so often lately. Why couldn't I transfer those damn photos to the laptop? I've never been very tech-savvy, but the modern world practically forced me to. I'm actually a cookbook author and used to be quite successful with it. Some of my books were bestsellers and I even had my own cooking segment on a nationally broadcasted morning show. But then I was suddenly replaced by a younger, "cooler" colleague and ever since then, I've been struggling to keep afloat with social media, more or less. If only the technology would cooperate..

Even in my personal life, I have been replaced. Four months ago, my husband left us. By us, I mean my three children and me. After 19 years of marriage. But love goes where it goes, right? Nothing can be done against that. At least, those were his words when he got into his Porsche with a blonde woman who could be his daughter and disappeared.

Since then, he has managed to do something with his children exactly twice. But in exchange, he has already disappointed them seven times by canceling the meetings at short notice. Yes, I'm keeping count. At least for now.

My oldest daughter Penny is 15 years old and fully immersed in puberty, and it seems that this situation is hardest on her. She and her father were always a unit, his little princess. But there's no trace of that at the moment. Most of the time, he doesn't even bother to answer his damn phone when she tries to reach him.

I see her suffering. She's lost interest in school, and her circle of friends is dwindling visibly. I would love to help her, but how? At the moment, I just can't seem to reach her. Our communication mostly consists of doors slamming.

But back to my current problem. These damn pictures! The article is supposed to go online today. I cooked an Indian dish and had to drive halfway across town to get these damn spices. Thursdays always bring an international post, and now, of all times, nothing is working again. My laptop doesn't recognize the memory card, and the camera won't connect either. I keep plugging and unplugging the cable, hoping the error will magically resolve. Which of course it doesn't. Suddenly, I glance at the small display in the lower right-hand corner. Damn it! So late. I won't be picking up the kids on time again, the second time this cursed week. Annoyed, I close the screen. Grabbing my purse, I walk quickly to the garage. Where's the damn car key? Nervously, I rummage through my chaotic bag, spilling half of its contents on the floor. Finally finding it, I get into the car and speed out of the driveway.

The first stop is the kindergarten to pick up my youngest. She's a real bundle of nerves, but so sweet that you can forgive her anything. Of course, she throws a tantrum right at pickup. It's a real struggle to get her into the car. Like a madwoman, I drive on to the elementary school to pick up my 9-year-old son. He is the calm one in our family and thankfully waits with his best friend relaxed in front of the school. At least one who's not mad at me. Lucky me. And off we go, heading to my daughter's high school. From a distance, I can see her and immediately know that - once again - something is wrong. She stands all alone and pretty annoyed on the street, looking out for me. When I park the car right in front of her feet, she angrily drops onto the passenger seat.

"Penny, I can explain, you know what a loser I am when it comes to technology..." I try to justify myself.

My eldest rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Mum, this time, for once, it's not your fault..." I see tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and automatically, I feel a lump in my throat.

"Mister Smith... he..."

She doesn't need to continue speaking; just hearing that name fills me with such anger again. Right from the start, there have been issues with her physical education teacher, Negan Smith.

I've only seen him twice so far, at parent-teacher conferences, but Penny's stories are enough for me to know that he's an absolute failure as a teacher. He has his favorites whom he praises to the skies, while the less athletic students suffer under his authoritarian ways. My daughter already feels uncomfortable in her own skin, and that jerk doesn't even realize the impact his remarks have on the young girls.

A few years ago, his wife passed away from cancer. A terrible tragedy, but apparently that did not make him more empathetic; quite the opposite.

I'm currently looking in the rearview mirror to avoid hitting anyone in the chaos outside the school. That's all I need on this crappy day. Then I catch sight of none other than Penny's physical education teacher.

"Isn't that him?" I ask excitedly.

My daughter buries her face even further into the backpack in her lap. "Yes, Mom, it's okay, please just drive..."

The anger that had been building up recently had just found a good release.

With the words "Nothing is good...", I yank open my driver's door and head purposefully towards my daughter's physical education teacher, who is just stowing his bag in his car.

"Who do you think you are?" I stand behind him with arms crossed, eagerly awaiting his reaction.

Confused, he turns around to face me and suddenly a big grin spreads across his face. "Negan Smith, nice to meet you, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

What a cocky jerk!

"The mother of a rather offended young girl, because of you..."

Can't he just drop his arrogant smile for once? Quite unimpressed, he closes the door of his car.

"Penny has so much potential and she's wasting it on the damn bench..."

Such an idiot, he clearly knows who I am.

"Maybe you should listen to the young students as well, instead of just spouting off random remarks at them?"

Amused, he shakes his head. "I did... her excuse for skipping today's P.E. class was menstrual cramps..."

"And in your opinion that's not a valid reason or what? How dare you even pass judgment on that? Your students' bodies are going through changes and such discomforts should be taken seriously..." I respond a bit too loudly, causing some students to turn towards us.

Resigned, he raises his hands. "Of course, but not every damn other week. Maybe you should give your daughter some biology lessons again and explain to her that her P.E. teacher isn't completely from another planet."

Oh God, what does this man think he is..

"And you should work on your teaching skills... Otherwise, maybe I should consider contacting the school board!"

„Oh wow, you're actually a bigger drama queen than your dear daughter!".

Did he really just say that? Did he just seriously insult me? My daughter's teacher. I look at him in disbelief, but he just grins.

"And now she's quiet... I really have to go now, but I'm pretty sure we'll meet again soon." With these words, he jumps into his car and drives off.

Completely perplexed, I walk back to my car and am greeted by my daughter with the words "That was soooo embarrassing.."

7 hours later

Finally peace! Why does it always have to be such a struggle to get the kids to bed? Isn't it unfair that you are a thousand times more tired than the dear little ones? What a crappy day! I'm glad to be freshly showered in my bed and finally have some time off. Just me and my phone, no one else. No more whining, arguing, and crying. As much as I sometimes curse technology, I also love being able to connect with people over the internet. It's fun to respond to comments, the direct exchange with like-minded people is the only positive thing about social media. As I scroll through Instagram, I suddenly see comments coming in at a rapid pace. Confused, I open them. From "Do you always look so good when you cook?" to "Can you cook that for me sometime?" to heart emojis, and they all come from the same account. As I read the name, a shock runs through me. Can this be for real? "Coach Negan" is he not only a tactless asshole, but also a real psychopath? Excited, I click on his account, but apart from a profile picture where he is clearly recognizable, there is no further information.

I quickly open the messaging function and type "What is this???" into my phone. It only takes a few seconds and I receive a response.

"I am a fan 😉"

For a while, I stare at the screen, unable to believe what is happening here.

Suddenly, he sends me a picture. I open it and see a photo of me from my highlights, showing me from my post "Valentine's Day." I had cooked a three-course meal and written a pretty cheesy text back then. It's one of my most liked posts.

"Red lipstick suits you. Matches your fiery nature.." he writes.

What does he want to achieve? Did the confrontation before school hurt him so much that he is trying to provoke me? But to be honest, it seems like he's the one giving me a warning. Well, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the best defense is a good offense.

"Oh, do you think so? Most men say I look better without wearing anything...I mean, without lipstick, of course.. 😉".

"Are you already in bed?" he asks next. What a bizarre situation? Why does my daughter's teacher want to know where I am? The same teacher who called me a ‚drama queen‘ just a few hours ago.

I keep trying to type a suitable response on my phone and then delete it again. Finally, I write briefly, "Yes, and you?"

"Yes, and I'm studying your profile. Do you realize how crazy you can drive a man with these pictures? Why am I even asking, of course you do. 😉"

The feeling of small electric shocks runs through my body. The whole thing feels strangely forbidden. Maybe what I'm doing here is damn wrong, but right now, the consequences seem pretty irrelevant to me.

"How mean, you can look at my pictures, but you don't have any online yourself."

"That's true, but how about you hear my voice instead?" Attached to this message was his phone number. Okay, this is all moving pretty quickly, in a pretty strange direction. I'm so excited that I can feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest. But what do I have to lose? I haven't felt like this in the last 20 years. Okay, it's a damn bizarre situation, but I'm an adult and single. So I can finally talk to whoever I want. Even with the biggest jerk I've come across lately.

Feeling totally tense, I dial the number and as it rings, it gets even worse. I take a few deep breaths, and suddenly the deep voice on the other end answers with a "What took you so long to decide?" and I can practically feel his grin.

"Well, I had to think for a moment about what would be so sensible about calling my daughter's narcissistic gym teacher in the middle of the night," I say calmly.

"And what would be sensible about that?" he asks with interest.

"I haven't really found a solid reason yet, but maybe you can tell me?"

He thinks for a moment, and I imagine him lying in his bed. A slight tingling sensation spreads in my stomach, which is intensified by his response.

"Well, I can make sure you feel a little better... forget all the everyday crap that's weighing on your pretty shoulders right now."

I briefly close my eyes to focus more on his voice, which really manages to relax me a bit with just that simple sentence.

"And how do you plan to do that?" I ask softly.

"When was the last time you were really well fucked?" As soon as he says it, my lower abdomen tightens, and I automatically press my legs together.

After I take a moment to collect myself, I honestly respond, "That was much too long ago..."

"Oh, poor girl," Negan provocatively replies, but instead of getting upset about it, it triggers completely different feelings in me. "Tell me about what you imagine when you stroke your lonely pussy at night."

I have to swallow briefly to get rid of the extremely dry feeling in my throat.

"I can tell you what I think about when I do it in a moment..." I say softly but firmly.

And his tone changes too. His breathing becomes heavier. "Then tell me, come on," he commands.

"I imagine it's your fingers running over my body and finally sliding my panties to the side and penetrating deep into me..." My cheeks feel like they're glowing. I've never talked like this with anyone before, and now I just did it with a man who is actually a stranger to me.

"Come on, sweetheart... touch yourself for me and tell me if you're wet," he interrupts.

Without thinking, I click on the speaker icon on my display and place the phone next to me on the pillow, then I slide my right hand under my nightgown into my panties and I'm surprised at how aroused I already am, how swollen my clit is, and how sensitive my whole intimate area has become. I sigh softly.

"Fuck, the sweet little sounds you're making... they make my damn cock twitch in my hand with joy..."

Just the thought that he's so aroused by me on the other end sends waves of pleasure through my body.

"I'm already so wet because of you, Negan..." I admit breathlessly.

"You dirty, pretty lady, if I were with you right now, I would slowly penetrate deep into you... you need that now, don't you?"

"Yes!" I can only whisper.

"Okay, now do everything exactly as I tell you, understood?" he demands.

"Yes, please tell me what to do.." I focus solely on his voice, completely tuning out everything else.

"Take off your panties. Use your index and middle fingers to gently stroke over your mons pubis and then slowly over your outer labia, but not more, just right there.."

Immediately, I follow his instructions. The air feels cool on my bare lower abdomen. I feel strangely exposed, even though I am alone in my bedroom, but it's not uncomfortable, quite the opposite. I begin to caress myself gently.

"How does that feel?" his voice breaks the silence again.

"Good, but I want more.." I plead.

"I already knew that.. Bend your legs and spread them wide.. as far as you can.." He gives me a brief moment to comply with his instructions. "Now push your pelvis even further forward.. Imagine I'm between your legs and you want to present me with your beautiful pussy, you would like that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes.." I say and nod vigorously, even though no one can see me.

"Such a good girl.. and now run your index finger through your slit, spread your juices.."

I can't and don't want to hold back my moans now. There is silence for a while at the other end, then I speak heavily.

"Are you also pleasuring your cock for me?" I ask as I continue to touch myself.

"Oh, sweetheart, so your thoughts are currently only about that.." he says snappily. "Yes, I am, and if you keep moaning so sweetly into the phone, it won't be long, so it's time for you to start massaging your clit, but don't be too timid, circle it with two fingers and use some pressure, even if you're very sensitive now, you can take it.."

Oh God, that was exactly what I needed right now. My body felt like in ecstasy and I could feel the orgasm slowly building up.

"Don't come yet," he commanded, and on cue, I immediately removed my fingers from my most sensitive spot.

"Now, bring your knees close to your body!“

"Yes," I replied, completely exhausted. "You're doing it perfectly, how much I would love to see you in this position right now, just the damn thought!" I could clearly hear him softly moaning. This sound made my body twitch with excitement.

"Penetrate yourself with two fingers... nice and slow. Focus entirely on the feeling of stretching your pussy wide... Tell me when you're all the way in!"

"Now," I whispered, already quite spent.

"Then add your ring finger, once you've done that, you can come intensely as a reward, I promise."

Slowly, I press the third finger into me, which initially causes a bittersweet pull, but I'm so wet that it's not a problem.

Without me telling him, Negan knows that I fulfilled his request.

"So perfect, sweetheart! And now, pleasure your clit! Bring yourself to climax and don't hold back any sound, I want to hear every sweet noise from you."

With the first gentle touch, my body twitches like crazy.

"Negan, please come with me," I stammer into the phone.

"Yes, I promise, beautiful," he replies breathlessly.

And these words are enough for me to come as intensely as I haven't in the past years. My thighs tremble uncontrollably and my heart almost jumps out of my chest. My lower abdomen contracts in waves and I can barely breathe. It feels like I am weightless for a few seconds.

"Do you feel good?" he asks after a short pause.

"Perfect.." I reply and can't gather my thoughts yet.

"Okay, then I expect you tomorrow at 3:30 p.m. for a parent-teacher meeting at the school, and, by the way, without panties.. Good night!" After these words, I only hear a beep on the line.

[lemoncrushh]

Too Far From Texas | Chapter One

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 4600

“So, I have an idea,” said Lorelei, dropping a file on my desk and leaning against it.

“Chicken salad or tuna?” I raised a brow, not bothering to stop typing on my keyboard, my eyes still focused on the screen in front of me.

“No, not lunch,” she scoffed in her Australian accent. “I mean about the book. I was thinking…”

She shoved the manila folder as well as a stack of papers to the corner of the desk so she could sit down.

“Lor,” I shook my head, my red hair bouncing off my shoulders, “If I remember correctly, the last time you told me you were thinking, we ended up with a three hundred page manuscript.”

“A book tour!” she cheered with glee, oblivious to my last comment.

My fingers stopped mid-sentence over the keys as I glared up at her.

“Are you serious?”

“Serious as a heart attack!” she exclaimed.

I shook my head. “I don’t think we’re ready for a book tour.”

“Why not? The book’s doing fairly well. I talked to Kris about it and she thinks it’s a fabulous idea.”

“You’ve already spoken to our agent? You came in here like the idea came to you just now.”

“Okay, so I talked to a few people about it already, I-”

I sat back in my chair, crossing my arms. “What the hell, Lorelei? I thought we were partners.”

“We are!”

“Then why didn’t you come to me first?” I asked, perturbed to say the least.

Lorelei hung her head, playing with the pens that sat in the little box on my desk. “Because I was afraid you’d say no. I figured if I ran it by someone else first, you might get on board.”

“Gee, thanks,” I remarked sarcastically. “Am I that horrible to work with?”

“Oh, God, no! Stacey, it’s not that at all!”

I sighed, uncrossing my arms. “Kris thinks it’s a good idea, huh?”

“Yep!” she nodded, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “She says it could triple our sales. Just last week I went to a Nora Roberts book signing at the Galleria. The store was packed.”

I rolled my eyes. “We are not Nora Roberts.”

“Why not? We could be! You don’t have enough faith, Stace!”

I pursed my lips.

“C’mon, Stacey,” Lorelei begged. “Think outside the box. Expand your horizons. And for God’s sake believe in yourself!”

“You sound like a self-help seminar.”

“Good!” she widened her eyes, rising from the desk. “I’m going to be your cheerleader until you start to believe it too. The book is wonderful, Stacey. Give it a chance.”

I sighed again, turning my chair to gaze out the window. Our novel, The Loving Kind had been two years in the making. The story of a young woman from Louisiana who travels to New York to meet her estranged brother, only to fall in love with the stranger who was subletting his apartment, Lorelei and I had put our hearts, souls and guts into it, spending every free moment we had writing it. When we were proud of our final product, we submitted it to the publishing company we both worked for. Despite the nerves that enfolded us, our story was well received, and it was published within a few months.

Much to our surprise, the book took off and made an impression, hitting the Best Seller’s list. Neither of us had yet to quit our jobs, but we were doing well. Still, Lorelei’s words made me think. A book tour might do some good. As it was, we were close to halfway through our second book, and if the first one did well enough, we wouldn’t have any problem getting the new one to fly off the shelves. And maybe, I could finally quit my job and focus on writing full time.

“Okay,” I nodded, biting my lip. “Let’s do it.”

Lorelei giggled like a teenager the way she did when she was excited, one of the things that endeared her to me.

“You won’t regret it, Stacey. This is gonna be great.”

“Yeah,” I smirked, rising from my chair. “So, about that chicken salad…”

“Mommy?” asked Emery, my vivacious nine-year-old as she ran into the kitchen. “Can Reagan spend the night?”

“Not tonight, baby, I told you I have that book signing tomorrow. I’m taking you to your dad’s in the morning.”

“Why can’t we just take her home on the way to Daddy’s?” Emery whined.

“Because, I have to leave at 8am. I doubt Reagan is gonna want to get up that early after a sleepover. Especially with you.” I gave her a wink.

Emery pouted, dropping her arms before turning and heading back to her room. I shook my head, stirring the pasta on the stove.

After dinner I sat with Emery and her big sister Jasmine while we watched some goofy show on Cartoon Network, then I grabbed my phone to read a few texts and emails. Lorelei was meeting me at the Barnes & Noble in Northwest Houston at 9:30am so we could set up. Putting the kids to bed, I poured myself a glass of wine and relaxed on the sofa. Or at least tried to. My stomach was in knots. We’d had one book launch when the book was first released, but it was mostly just for the publishing company and a few friends and promoters. This would be the first time I would truly be dealing with the public - with my readers. And I was nervous as hell.

“Daddy!” Emery squealed, running to her father as soon as she got out of the car.

“Mornin’ pumpkin,” said Tod, my ex-husband as he embraced our little girl. Yes, Tod with one D. Because that’s the kind of mother he has. Someone so pretentious that she couldn’t bear to spell her precious boy’s name with two. We made eye contact, but he didn’t acknowledge me by name. “Hi, Jasmine, sweet girl, how are you?”

I looked at our older daughter, a smile on her face though she didn’t say anything. Jasmine was fourteen, but because she had Autism, she was still very much like a little girl. She had a pleasant, easy-going personality, but she was still fairly non-vocal.

“Want me to take that?” Tod asked, gesturing to the bag I had over my shoulder.

“Oh, sure, thanks,” I said handing it to him. “I have to get going.”

“Book signing, huh?” he nodded. “I’m proud of you, Stacey.”

I shrugged with a frown. “Thanks. No big deal. I’ll come pick them up tomorrow before dinner.”

“Okay.”

I gave the girls one last hug and kiss each before heading back to my car. As I backed out of the driveway, I waved at them, but secretly gave Tod the middle finger. In all the years we were together, not once had he told me he was proud of me. As far as I was concerned, he could take that remark and shove it.

The store was freezing. I folded my arms over my chest, trying to keep warm, even in a blazer. I watched as store employees scattered around, setting up signs and displays for Lorelei’s and my arrival. With the exception of a couple questions directed at me, they all seemed to know what they were doing, like this was old hat, so I stood back and observed.

“I think my eyelashes have frost on them,” I heard Lorelei whisper as she walked up behind me.

“Right?” I turned around. “I mean, I know this is Texas and it’s hot as blazes outside, but this is ridiculous.”

“That poor gal is sweating,” Lorelei pointed to a heavy-set woman in a v-neck. Sure enough, when she lifted a box of books and placed them behind the table, I noticed her armpits were wet.

“Ms. Barnett, Ms. Burns?” I suddenly heard to my left.

“Oh, yes?” I turned to see a tall, thin gentleman in a blue shirt and sweater vest. He seemed to have been aware of the temperature early.

“Store’s about to open,” he said. “We’ll have the customers come in and line up here. They’re allowed to get up to five books each to get signed.”

“Five?” I grimaced. “Eesh.”

“Don’t worry,” the young man, whose name tag I just noticed said Jeremy, smiled. “Most people just get one or two. But we have to set a limit, or you could be here all day.”

“Okay,” I blew out a breath. “Thanks.”

Jeremy guided us to the table, telling us where to sit. He placed a stack of books on the end of the table, and then roped off the area, indicating where the customers would walk through.

At 10AM on the dot, the doors opened, and a stream of people walked in. I saw Jeremy and the sweaty woman direct them where to go. Giving my best smile, I greeted the first person, a woman who looked to be around my mother’s age, maybe a little older.

“I just love your book!” she exclaimed, her Texas accent heavy.

“Thank you,” I grinned, opening the book she handed me to the first page. “Who should I make this out to?”

“Mary Jo,” she said. “It’s for my sister. I already read it on my Kindle, but I’ve told her all about it and she doesn’t have a Kindle, so I’m giving her a copy for her birthday.”

“Oh, well that’s wonderful!”

Passing the woman over to Lorelei, I greeted the next customer. We had all walks of life; I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it would be mostly older women, but I had quite a few young females tell me either the book meant a lot to them, or they hadn’t read it yet but were excited to because their friends had raved about it. That made me feel good, rewarded. Writing for yourself is one thing. Sometimes it’s just for you and you don’t have to share it with others. But when you do, and you get that positive feedback...it’s the best feeling in the world.

An hour or so later, Jeremy roped off the area again, informing Lorelei and me that we should take a break and come back in thirty minutes. I was grateful to give my hand a rest from the pen, and eager to grab a latte. Even with the people coming and going, I hadn’t felt much of a change in temperature, and I was still cold.

“Did you hear?” asked Lorelei as she stood up from her chair.

“Hear what?”

“There was a raucous earlier. Apparently some pop star is here.”

“What?” I quirked a brow. “Who?”

“I couldn’t figure it out,” she shrugged. “Some guy from One Direction or One Republic or...something, I don’t know.”

I narrowed my eyes at her.

“What? I didn’t hear it. All I know is some girls were freaking out over there.” Lorelei pointed toward the Starbucks, where I was headed.

“I’m going to the ladies' room, hon,” she said. “I’ll meet you.”

Paying for my coffee, I held it for a few minutes, allowing the steam from the paper cup to warm my cold hands. I wasn’t paying attention to anything else when I turned around swiftly, bumping into a tall frame that stood behind me.

“Oh, shit!” he exclaimed at the same moment I screamed. “Jesus, I’m so sorry!”

I stood in my spot, my hands up, unable to move. My thin silk top was wet with hot coffee, and it clung to my chest and stomach uncomfortably. Not to mention my off-white blazer was most likely ruined.

“Oh no,” I muttered.

“Are you alright?” the voice asked. I didn’t dare look at him. But one thing was certain. That was no Texas accent.

“Shit,” he cursed again. I stared down at my wet clothes, disbelief crippling me. I saw a pair of boots walk away and then return to my line of vision.

“Miss, I’m so sorry,” he said again, dabbing my wet clothes with napkins.

“It’s...it’s okay,” I managed to get out. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and I-”

“Did it burn you?”

“No, no I’m fine,” I shook my head. Finally, I lifted my gaze to look at his face. What I saw, or rather who I saw, made my jaw hit the floor. I was face to face with Harry Styles.

“Ho-holy shit!” I breathed incredulously.

“You sure?” he inquired as though he hadn’t heard my exclamation. But the corner of his mouth said he had.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” I heard a voice to my right. Blinking, I turned to see a Starbucks employee, the guy who had made my latte.

“Yes, yes I’m okay,” I nodded. “Just wet.”

“I can make you another latte,” he offered. “No charge.”

I was about to say something incredibly harsh and sarcastic to the guy when Harry beat me to it.

“Honestly, mate,” he chuckled, “another coffee is probably the least of her worries.”

The young man gave Harry a look before sheepishly returning to his post behind the counter. Until that moment, I hadn’t noticed anyone else in our vicinity, but now I felt like a million eyes were on us.

“Here,” Harry suddenly said, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. I watched as he removed several bills from it, handing them to me.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Please,” he shrugged. “It’s the least I can do. Let me pay for your cleaning. If that jacket isn’t ruined already.”

I stared at the money in his hand before shaking my head.

“No, thanks. I’ll just...go buy something else to wear.”

“If you wash that in cold with vinegar it should come out, sugar.” I turned my head to see a grey-haired woman smiling at me.

“Oh, thank you,” I returned her smile. “But I’m not going home just yet. I’m here for my book signing and I don’t live nearby.”

I saw the woman mouth an “oh” when Harry spoke again.

“Please, love,” he insisted. “I feel bad. It was my fault.”

I shook my head. “First of all, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine. It was my coffee for gosh sakes. Second, I don’t want to take your money. There’s a Gap next door, I’ll just go over there and get something.”

“Then let me pay for it. Please.”

The sincerity in his eyes was blinding. Shit, his whole face was blinding. I couldn’t believe I was even able to look at him, let alone talk to him while I wore a coffee-drenched top.

“Oh my God, what happened?” I suddenly heard from a familiar voice.

Harry turned to look at Lorelei who’d just stepped up to the scene.

“I bumped into her and made her spill her coffee,” he explained.

It was only then that Lorelei realized who he was, or at least that he was the pop star that she had referred to earlier. Her mouth opened into a perfect O as she looked at him, then back at me.

“Are you okay?” she asked me.

“I’m fine,” I nodded. “Just gotta find something to wear.”

“Yeah, of course!”

I began to follow Lorelei out of Starbucks when Harry stopped me.

“Miss-”

“You’re very kind,” I interrupted, placing my hand on his arm. “But really, it’s not necessary.”

With that, I turned on my heels and walked out with my stained clothes and red cheeks.

An hour later, I was back at the table with Lorelei, signing books for more customers. The line seemed to be never ending. For every ten books I signed, there were twenty more people waiting for me to greet them with a smile on my face. I was starting to get a headache, mostly because I still hadn’t gotten to have my coffee.

Once we’d returned from the Gap with my new blouse and cardigan, I hadn’t seen any sign of Harry Styles. And due to the fact that there weren’t any young girls squealing and the Starbucks looked to be running like normal, I figured he had left.

I was chatting with Lorelei and a pleasant woman whose book I’d just signed when a shadow cast over the table in front of me and a latte cup was placed on it. I looked up to see the same face I’d bumped into earlier, only this time he wore a dimpled smile, his green eyes dancing.

“Hi,” I said, just above a whisper.

“I see you found some clothes,” he gestured to my chest. The tiny movement made me flinch, and I blushed all over again.

“What are you doing?” I asked, instantly regretting it.

“I reckoned I should buy your book,” he replied. “It’s the least I can do.”

I realized then that he was gripping a copy of The Loving Kind under his arm, against his chest. I glared at him incredulously.

“Also,” he added, pointing to the latte, “I got you another coffee. Replacing the one I made you spill.”

“Oh, um, thanks I…” I started to reach for the cup.

“Grande white mocha with soy milk,” he said.

I blinked, looking up at him again. “Yes, that’s right.”

Harry nodded with a grin, waiting to hand me his copy of the book until I’d taken a sip of the latte and set it back down on the table. I didn’t bother to ask him how he knew my Starbucks order.

“Now, will you sign this for me, please, Miss…” Harry looked at the book cover, reading the names at the bottom, “which one are you?”

“Barnett,” I replied shyly. “Stacey Barnett.”

“Miss Barnett,” he echoed. “Please.”

I shook my head. “You seriously want me to sign a book for you?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because...you...you’re…” I realized I was looking like a fool, waving my wrist in circles.

“I’m what?” he furrowed his brow.

“Um…”

“I think what she means is that’s very kind of you to buy our book and ask us to sign it,” Lorelei piped up, apparently finished with the previous customer.

She took the book from my hands, opening it to the title page and laying it in front of me. I gave her a look which she returned with one of her own, poking me in the side before I grabbed my pen. Harry hovered over me, watching me sign my name.

“So, I guess that makes you Lorelei Burns,” he addressed Lorelei next to me.

“You are correct,” she beamed, flipping her blonde curls off her shoulder.

After signing my autograph, I passed the book to Lorelei and looked back up at Harry. Finally getting a good gander at him, I realized how obviously attractive he was. Not that it was any surprise. Both of my girls, particularly Emery, were One Direction fans. And Harry was Emery’s favorite. She had posters of him plastered on her walls, though most of them were from a few years back when they’d first started out. I’d thought he was cute then, but now? He had most certainly grown up.

I cleared my throat. “So what brings you to Houston, Harry?”

“I’m uh, doing promo,” he explained with a deep drawl, “for my solo album.”

“Oh, right,” I nodded, twirling a strand of hair around my finger like I tend to do when I’m anxious. “I heard about that.”

“I had a radio interview this morning at a station down the street,” he added.

“Oh, okay,” I replied. “I wonder if my daughter knew about it. She would have been ecstatic.”

“You have a daughter?” Harry asked as Lorelei handed him back the book.

I smiled, folding my arms on the table. “Two, actually. In fact…” I reached underneath the table to pull my cell phone from my bag. “If I don’t at least ask for a picture with you, my youngest will have a fit.”

Harry chuckled. “Alright then.”

I felt my face get hot when I realized I hadn’t actually asked for permission. “Um, do you mind?”

“Certainly not,” he replied softly, laying the book on the table next to my coffee. Man, I really liked his speaking voice. This guy should do audio books.

Without my having to tell him to, Harry walked around the side of the table and I met him halfway. He put his arm around me, as I did the same. Holding up the phone, I did my best to get us both in the frame before snapping a couple of quick selfies.

“Thank you so much, Emery will be thrilled.”

I started to sit back down until Harry’s next words stopped me.

“Did you want to make a video?”

“Excuse me?” I asked, my eyes wide with shock.

“For your daughters,” he explained.

I blinked. “You’d do that?”

“Of course.”

“Um, okay,” I muttered, holding the phone up once more.

“Emery, right?” asked Harry. “And what’s your other daughter’s name?”

“Jasmine,” I replied quickly.

With fumbling hands, I managed to switch the mode to video and nodded to Harry. As calmly and easily as anyone could, Harry waved at the screen.

“Hi Jasmine, hi Emery. I’m Harry. Just wanted to say hello. Hope you’re doing well. See you soon.”

He gave an adorable grin and a thumbs up before I pressed the button again to stop the recording. I swallowed hard, placing my phone on the table.

“That was very kind of you,” I said. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” he nodded, his eyes blinking slowly.

“I’d say I owe you one,” I chuckled shyly, “but maybe instead we can call it even.”

Harry’s mouth twitched before one side curled up into a slow sexy smirk, his dimple showing. I almost regretted my pitiful attempt at teasing seeing as that one gesture could make any woman weak in the knees.

“I guess that’s fair,” he said.

I sucked in my lips, grateful for the chair next to me as I sat down on it. Harry walked around the table, picking up his signed book. The line behind him had seemed to freeze except for one woman that was chatting with Lorelei. It was funny how I’d momentarily forgotten what I was there for.

“It was nice meeting you, Stacey,” Harry held out his hand. I took it with a smile.

“You too, Harry.”

“Lorelei,” he nodded towards her, shaking her hand.

“Bye, Harry,” she grinned.

“Take care,” he acknowledged me again with a short wave goodbye.

I quickly greeted the next woman in line who looked at me like a deer in headlights as she gripped her copy of my book in her hands.

“Wow!” she mouthed.

I stifled a giggle. Then I nodded. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“Emery,” I said as we sat at the table and dug into our pizza. “Guess who I met yesterday?”

“Who?” she asked, taking a sip of her soda.

“Somebody you like a lot. Who’s on your bedroom walls?”

I gave her a sly grin as her eyes got big as saucers. “Whaaaat?”

I laughed. “Guess!”

“Somebody from...One Direction?” her final words were barely a whisper as though she was embarrassed to say them.

“Yes. Your favorite.” I took another bite of pizza, chewing while my nine year old glared at me incredulously.

“You...met...Harry...Styles?”

“Yep,” I said nonchalantly.

“Mommy!!” Emery leaped from her chair, grabbing my arm. “Did you get a picture? Did you take a selfie with him?”

I chuckled harder. “I might have.”

Emery squealed as she jumped up and down, grabbing my phone. “I can’t believe it! Lemme see!”

I heard a sound to my left and saw Jasmine bouncing in her chair, her hands flapping in excitement.

“Calm down, Emery, you silly girl,” I said. “Let me find it.”

I wanted to show her the photo first, then the video so she would be doubly surprised.

“Oh my God, Mommy!!” she yelled as she looked at the photo of Harry and me. “It’s Harry!”

“I know! And check this out,” I said, taking the phone from her little hand and swiping to the video. “Come over on this side so Jasmine can see too.”

Emery walked around the table to stand between Jasmine and me and I pressed the screen for the video to start. As soon as it began to play and the girls heard Harry say their names, Emery lost it.

“Mommmmmyyyyyyyy!”

I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt. I let Emery have the phone then. She played the video ten times. And I didn’t mind in the least. Although Jasmine didn’t vocalize like Emery did, I enjoyed seeing the smile on her face that Harry Styles had said her name and waved hello. Finally, I had to take the phone from Emery and remind her that her pizza was getting cold. She gave me a huge hug and a thank you before she sat back down in her chair.

After dinner and making sure everything was set for school the next morning, I put the girls to bed. My mother had called earlier before I’d gone to pick the girls up from Tod’s, but I’d let it go to voicemail. I hadn’t been in the mood to talk to her. Usually when she called, she acted like she wanted to ask how I was doing, but somehow the conversation always ended up on her and her problems. I’d decided to wait til I knew she was probably getting ready for bed herself, because then the conversation might be short. I was a horrible daughter.

“Hey,” I said when she answered. “Sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

“It’s okay,” said my mother. “So how was it yesterday?”

“It was good,” I replied. “Sold a lot of books. Signed a lot of autographs. It’s like I’m famous or something.”

My mom laughed. “Did you see Kendra posted pictures of Ben on Facebook today?”

Wow. That didn’t take long for her to change the subject. Must’ve been a record. Kendra was my brother’s wife; Ben was their son. They lived in South Carolina, which was also where my mother was from. After her divorce from my dad, she’d spent a lot of time whining that if it wasn’t for my kids and me, she’d have moved back there. Part of me (actually most of me) wished she would.

“No, I didn’t get on Facebook,” I sighed. She knew that.

“He’s getting so big.”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t ask me how my doctor’s appointment went.”

Here we go again.

“Sorry, with this whole book tour on my mind, I forgot. How’d it go?”

My mother told me about how her doctor was now suggesting she see a chiropractor, then quickly delved into her guilt trip about how I don’t call her enough and how my brother doesn’t call her or invite her to come visit. I listened for about ten minutes until I finally told her I needed to get to bed.

Crawling under the covers and turning out the lamp, I stared at the ceiling. The same thing that had kept me awake late the night before returned to my mind.

I couldn’t get his face and his voice out of my head. What the heck was going on? I wasn’t some lovesick teenager. I was a grown woman; I was forty years old for crying out loud! Harry Styles was just some young heartthrob that didn’t know me from Adam. It’s not like I’d ever see him again. He’d probably already forgotten my name…

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[moongothic]

Do you ever start a project, thinking it'd be a fun thing to make, only to realize halfway through you hate and have literally no use for it and then get stuck unsure what the fuck you should do with it

Yeah

This is my Bag of Regrets

Okay so around March of 2023 I made my first-ever crochet bag out of the leftover yarn I had from my Blanket of Darkness. I loved how that bag turned out, but even then I realized I could've done a better job had I lined the bag, which I should've done really early into the project.

So.

I ended up with a bunch of this super thin cotton yarn, in a few colors. We're not gonna talk about how I got the yarn, I just ended up with it. And I did not know what to do with it, because the pink and the dark maroon-y color just are not my colors, at all. I do not like them what-so-ever. And so like, I had to figure out something to do with the yarn, didn't wanna waste it. And for some god damn reason I thought I could practise making more crochet bags using this yarn.

Like in theory, this was a fine idea.

But I don't even like pink, what the fuck am I going do with this god damn thing now.

But I was a fucking idiot and did not think about that fact until I was like 80% done with it

Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to try doing a checkerboard pattern on the tiny crochet bag. This was a huge mistake. I don't know what the fuck it was about it, but I had the worst time of my life trying to make sure the squares were even, with the same amount of rows and that the corners met at the right spots- like sometimes I made the right amount of rows but the corners didn't meet at all and sometimes I did the wrong amount of rows but the corners did meet. It was a fucking nightmare to crochet. I had a horrible time. Making the front and back panels took me months and I had to restart it so many times just to get it right. It was bad, I hated it man

Also, by the way. I don't mind working with thin yarn at all, but because this was a thin COTTON yarn, I just. The yarn has no stretch, it is hard. Working with it made me feel like I was going to cut off my left finger as the yarn was rubbing against it as I was crocheting.

The bottom piece of the bag was done in that dark purple-maroon-y color with... I can't even remember what stitch I did, it was something Alt Knots has a video tutorial for on their YouTube though

But, I made the three crochet panels

Then I cut out the piece of fabric I would hand-sew the crochet pieces onto. I have a ton of this red-brown fabric that I have no idea wha to do with, and I figured it would work fine for this (since you're not supposed to see this fabric anyways) so I cut the pieces from it

Pinned the pieces down and then I just sewed the pieces onto the fabric. I decided to use sewing thread so it'd blend into the crochet better (being a fine thread and all), using white for the checker board pieces and a dark red/maroon-y color for the bottom piece

Forgot to take a photo of the bottom piece but it's fine, you get the idea

Then I cut out the lining fabric. I didn't really have any fabric that would actually match the checker board crochet at all, and I didn't want to buy anything so I chose to use this black fabric (with itty bitty roses) for lining

Cut the pieces and pinned them down facing each other

I think I originally wanted to do the sewing by hand for a cleaner look but I wasn't happy with it, so after I did my innitial hand-stitching I went over it with a sewing machine, getting as close to the crochet but without sewing over it. And after checking it was okay, I cut the excess fabric and did some clean up to help keep the fabric from fraying.

Folded the pieces inside out and they were looking decent!

Now yes, I did still have to hand-sew one side shut for each piece, but it wasn't a big deal, though sadly because I had to make sure the handsewing wasn't visible on the outside of the bag, this was going to be a visible flaw on the lining anyways

You can see what I mean on the top edge of the bigger piece (with the white thread)

In hindsight I probably could've sewn the edge shut with a mattress stitch or something instead of going through all the fabric, but alas, I was stupid and didn't not realize this at the time

Sidenote I took like 5 month break from this project after finishing the front and back piece but before I did the bottom piece. Because yeah, this was around when I realized I hated what I was making and that I had no idea what the fuck I was gonna do with it once it was done. And I just could not get myself to even look at it, for months. And it HAUNTED me, made me feel bad about not having completed it every dang day. But yeah, finally in March I got back to it after finishing my last crochet blanket. Because I wanted to start another project but I did not want to start anything before finishing this fucking thing so yeah.

(Oh yeah I also I grabbed some metal accessories from my mom's stash that I attached to the bottom piece, so the bag can have a widdle handle)

With the pieces all done, it was finally time to sew them together. And this I was going to do by hand sewing them with a mattress stitch. I started by just attaching the smaller piece to the bottom, making sure it was centered right, and carefully sewed it together, starting from the middle and making my way up the sides, one at a time.

I did very specifically do sewing on the red-brown fabric

And it was looking good, according to plan!

Did the bigger piece the same way, and then all I had to do...

...Was clean up, by mattress stitching the crochet pieces together. Chose to use white because I figured I'd rather have small amounts of white peeking through on the bottom piece than have the dark red/purple on the front pieces. Though thankfully the white yarn isn't even that noticable, it sinked into the stitches quite nicely

With that done, I did this one final little touch-up. On checker crochet pieces you could kind of see my starting row, as the row had quite large holes in it. And I wasn't a huge fan of how it looked, so I just took some of the white yarn and wove it into the loops to fill it out

One final thing I did but didn't bother documenting was the strap. I did considder crocheting it, and even started it, but I did not like the stitch I was trying to use for it, and at this point I was so fucking done with the project I couldn't be bothered. I had some white cotton ribbon with nothing to do with it, so I decided to just grab some of that to make a lil strap. It's... not great, it's just that the ribbon is quite thin so it FEELS really flimsy. But I had reached the "I don't give a fuck anymore" stage and so. Yeah whatever

My shitty little bag of regrets is done. Yay.

I probably could've done something to clean the edges of the bag better because you can see the red-brown fabric peeking through, but... Like I can't think of what I could do to fix that, and again, I'm at the point where I don't have the energy to even try anymore

It's done, and that's what matters

Probably throwing it in the trash because what else am I gonna do with it

(Final note; I did have left-over yarn from this, but I used that yarn to make tiny mesh fruit/grocery bags. Ones I will actually use! Yay)

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The One I've Been Waiting For {Part 10 of 13}

Word count: 2.2 K

Summary: Billy Hargrove is just one of the many students you're supposed to help. The last thing you expect from your interaction is that he'll start flirtt with you... Much less that Billy would stir up feelings you'd rather keep hidden. Despite the mutual sentiments that soon enough start to grow, there are a lot of reasons for whatever it is to be left alone, and one of them is your age...

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

A/N: In this story, reader is 5 years older than Billy, who's 18.

•••

Love Confessions

 The sun makes you use your hand to protect your eyes as you step out of Liam's car. Tanya is especially happy today, excited to get a tan. She never thought Hawkins would have weather like this, and honestly, neither did you.

 “I hope this heat wave never leaves,” Liam says, smiling as the three of you enter the pool. “You know what? We should visit the lakes this weekend.”

 “Count me in.” You agree.

 “Double date. Me and Tany, you and Billy. What do you think?”

 Blushing, you roll your eyes. “Maybe. Guess you'll only know when we get there.”

 “Over there,” Tanya says and you follow her to an empty table.

 “We should've come sooner,” Liam complains and both you and Tanya roll your eyes. “What? Next time I'll come alone and you'll have to come by yourselves, ladies.”

 “Oh my God, Liam. What would we do without you to drive us around.” Her sarcastic tone makes you laugh.

 “You're so funny, Tany.” Liam snaps before looking around. “Is there someone famous visiting Hawkins? Because half the women here are looking over there.” He gestures at the other side of the pool.

 “Show time, ladies.” You hear a woman saying in a low voice somewhere to your right.

 Chuckling, you pinch your eyebrows together. But the confusion soon vanishes when you see exactly what they're talking about. Or better saying, who.

 Billy comes out of the locker looking like a movie star. All eyes are on him, and so are yours. It feels like he's walking in slow motion, or maybe it's just your brain that's halfway through a mental breakdown. You've seen him shirtless before, but this is different, you're not sure how.

 “(Y/N)? Are you in there?” Tanya snaps her fingers right on your face, and you look away from Billy, clearing your throat.

 “I'm here.” Taking a look around, at all the girls drooling over Billy, you feel your stomach burning with anger. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, do your best not to think about what they're thinking. “I'm not sure coming to this stupid pool was a good idea.” It comes out suddenly, in a bitter tone. “The lakes are way better.”

 “Uhh. Someone's jealous.” Liam chants and you turn at him, arms crossed. “If you're going to kill me, do it before next month's exam, please.”

 “Shut up, Liam.” You tell him, looking for anything in your bag that can distract you from the whole thing.

 “Hey, Princess.” Both the voice and the pet name make you raise your head, finding the center of all attention standing right before you. “You shouldn't have come,” Billy says as he walks around the table, coming closer to you. “How am I supposed to look over the pool with you here? You'll distract me.”

 “If it makes you feel better, you're distracting almost everyone here.” Tilting your head at the pool, you cross your arms. “Even the married women are thirsting over you.”

 “Jealous much?” He says, bending over to whisper in your ear.

 Biting your lip, you push him away, a hand on his chest. “Not in public.”

 “As you wish.” He smirks, nodding at your friends. “Need help applying sunscreen?”

 “I applied it at home.” With a smirk, you shrug your shoulders. “Now, go lifeguard. Go watch the pool.” You push him away, but Billy holds your arm, giggling.

 “Won't you let me go?”

 “Never.”

 You suddenly feel your friends' eyes on you, and when you give them a look, they're both staring. Clearing your throat, you turn to face Billy again. “Really, you should go. I don't want you to lose your job.”

 “Fine. But when the pool closes, don't go. Wait for me, alright?”

 “What for?”

 “Just don't go.” Pulling you closer, he places a kiss on your cheek.

 Blushing like a tomato, you bite your lip and nod, watching as he walks away to his post.

 “Look, I don't know about you ladies, but I'm going to swim a little.” Liam kisses Tanya and gives you a significant look before gesturing at Billy.

 Rolling your eyes, you sigh. “Let's join the girls playing volleyball, Tany.”

 “Let's go.”

 Before following her, you take the dress off, revealing the two-piece swimsuit, purple, pink, and black. As you walk along the pool, you shoot Billy a glance. He was already staring, so you give him a smirk and a wink.

 The rest of the day goes by slowly, with you and your friends enjoying an entire afternoon of not talking about college. But soon enough the sun is setting, and people start to leave. Tanya and Liam hang around until there's barely anyone here, and when they leave, you move your stuff to the table next to Billy's chair. Taking off his sunglasses, the man looks down at you.

 “You look absolutely beautiful, you know that right?” He says before jumping to the ground. “Been dying to tell you that.”

 “You're breathtaking yourself. When you came out of the locker all the women here were staring.”

 “You were jealous.” Billy pulls you closer, a hand around your waist.

 “Mind the public.” You tell him with a whisper.

 “The last person already left. And I told my fellow colleagues to leave earlier.”

 “Mmm.” Mumbling, you let him pull you to him until you're pressed against his chest. “So, will you tell me what this is about?”

 “We have the pool all to ourselves.” He starts walking, forcing you to move backward. “And no public to get in the way.”

 “Are you even allowed to do that?”

 “Who cares? I won't be here in Summer so they're welcome to fire me if they want.” That said, Billy moves suddenly, picking you up. “Better hold your breath, Princess.”

 And you only have time to do as he says before he jumps in the pool, pulling you down with him before you both move back to the surface. You're laughing when you're above the water, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You know what? I call this a special occasion.”

 Billy's lips break into a beautiful smile before he kisses you. It's wet at first, because of the water, but soon enough his taste overcomes everything. You want to kiss Billy all the damn time, and you have no idea why you don't.

 Oh, it's because you don't see the point of making out with someone you have nothing with.

 The thought makes you pull away, catching your breath.

 “Hey. What's wrong?” He caresses your cheek, making you look up at him again.

 “What are we?” You can't help but ask, wondering if this is a mistake. “You know what, never mind. I don't want to ruin the moment.”

 “What do you want us to be?” He says in a low voice, strong arms holding you close. “Because I made it clear what I want.”

 “I don't want to be just another fling.” Speaking low, you hope he can't see your blushing cheeks. “I want something real. Solid. Something that lasts.”

 “We have to talk then,” Billy states and you both start moving to the edge.

 Pinching your eyebrows together, you let Billy help you climb off. “If you look at my ass, Billy Hargrove, I swear to God-” And you push yourself up, looking down at him. “-I'll punch you in the face.”

 “Then you can't look either, baby.” He mutters as he comes out as well, a smirk on his face. “Come, let's sit.” Billy takes you to the table near his lifeguard chair, passing you a towel before taking one to himself.

 “What is it you want to talk about?”

 Billy sighs, and you sit side by side, bodies turned toward each other. “I'm going to California when school is over.”

 Nodding, you look down at your hands, keeping the towel from falling off your shoulders. “I know.” Your heart sinks, and you start mentally counting the days you'll still have him around. “Then what-”

 “I want you to come with me.”

 Raising your eyes at him, you freeze. “What?” You ask, but no sound comes out. “What do you mean by that, Billy?”

 “I mean I want you to come with me. Live with me.” He takes your hand, placing a kiss on your knuckles. “I can't picture myself going and leaving you behind but I can't picture myself staying...”

 “I don't want you to stay, not even because of me. This place isn't for you and you need to stay away from, well, your father. I just-”

 “You won't live with someone you're not in a relationship with, I know.” He smiles, bringing one hand to caress your chin. “Be my girlfriend, (Y/N).”

 Gasping, you bite your lip. This isn't about saying yes to being his girlfriend. It's about saying yes to moving to the other sound of the country. That's a lot. “We need a plan. And you need to be sure because if I move there with you and you dump me, I won't be mad, I'll be furious.”

 Billy laughs, shaking his head lightly. “I would never propose such a thing if I wasn't sure I wanted you with me.”

 “I'd have to transfer to a University there. And I'll have to start the process now so when I go it'll all be ready and we'll need a place to live and–”

 “Slow down, Princess.” He cuts you off with a smile, furrowing his eyebrows. “Actually, go on. Because all that means your answer is yes.”

 He got you there. You're making plans already, thinking about everything you'll need to do to go. Even before saying the word. “I guess...” You mutter, looking down at your hands again. “But there's a lot we have to go through before doing that.”

 “A friend of mine has a job for me. They pay enough to rent a small apartment. I have some savings as well and I plan on getting into college. But if you're coming I could wait until you graduate and-”

 “If we're doing this we have to plan it together.” You say, mind racing as you stand up, pacing around and leaving the towel behind. The sun is almost down, and the shadows are mixed with an orange, golden light. “California is a big city so that means a lot of job opportunities and I can pull up a part-time job. Actually, I can have some recommendation letters that would get me a nice job during college.”

 Billy comes after you, and you turn to look at him. “I don't wanna mess up your studying.”

 “I can do both. And we'd have a house to keep, we both will need jobs.”

 “God, it sounds like we're getting married,” Billy says, chuckling.

 “Oh, I...” Clearing your throat, you look away. That's not how you wanted to come out. “I'm just trying to think about how to make things work for both of us. You know overthinking is my thing and-”

 “We should just get married then.” He cuts in, and his words make you stop. Make your heart stop. And you think the entire planet stopped spinning as well.

 “Excuse me, what?” You nervously giggle, hands on your hips. “Are you serious? Because I don't like this kind of joke.”

 Billy smiles, taking your arms and pulling you close to him. “It's simple math.”

 “You suck at Math, Billy.”

 “First of all, ouch.” You giggle, surrendering to his embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Second, I want this. I wanna go to Cali with you, live with you, and that, Princess, it's a freaking marriage. So I don't see why we shouldn't just do it.”

 “You're not supposed to get married just because it makes sense. It's supposed to be a commitment between two people who are in love.”

 “Well, Princess. I fell for you some time ago... So now I just need to know if you feel the same way.”

 Biting your lip, you sigh. “I love you.” It comes out suddenly because you need him to know. Billy makes you feel safe and comfortable and loved. And God, you want to make him feel loved. Show him the amazing man he is, that he's nothing like his father. You want to stand by him, always. “I tried to fight it. Tried to give you all the reasons why this couldn't happen, but here we are.” Pecking his lips, you give a little jump, wrapping your legs around his waist. Billy is quick to hold you up, both hands grabbing your thighs. “And I was dying to kiss you again.”

 “Well, now you can kiss me all the time.”

 “Wait up, wait up.” You put a finger over his lips when he tries to kiss you. “If this whole thing happens, we'll need to tell my parents.”

 “And how do we do that?” He bounces you up to have a better grip.

 “They're coming next weekend.”

 “They're coming all the way here? Why?”

 “Mmm... Because it's my birthday next Saturday.”

 “Why didn't you tell me?!” He asks, making his way to the pool again. “I'll need time to get you the perfect gift.”

 “Billy, I'll be turning-” You're cut short when Billy jumps into the pool.

 You're both laughing when you go back up. “You're turning 24, I know, Princess.”

 “Mhmm.”

 “Now, we can either talk about this dammed age gap or I can kiss you...”

 “I rather you kiss me...” That makes him smile, and Billy bites your lower lip softly before capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.

•••

@aunicornmademedoit @alexa4040 @goth-cowgirl-03 @nyctophilic0vitnir @minispice-1

[banannabethchase]

Lost the Reflex to Resist - also on AO3

~

Matt and Adam have the rings, Mox has a question, Adam has a story, and they all have a whole lot of interest in each other still.

~

An epilogue and prologue in one. Thank you to all who have read along with me as I created this weird story. Current canon is HILARIOUSLY off base with this now, but this is set pre-Blood and Guts, so, perhaps, I can hold on to that. Title from I Could Get Used to This by The Veronicas.

~

Adam curses and pauses to unhook his hair from the ring. “Damn thing,” he mutters.

“Why do you keep complaining?” Matt asks. It’s infuriating how calm and collected he sounds, running near full speed on the treadmill. His cheeks are red and his skin has a sheen of sweat, but he looks thoroughly unbothered as he runs. “You’re the one who demanded we adjust the setting.”

“I didn’t demand it!” Adam says. “I – requested it.” He hadn’t realized that tightening some of the metal around one of the gems would cause the little prongs to poke up the tiniest bit. It’s happened weekly for the past few months. Now he’s training for Blood and Guts, and Matt has to be all mean to him on camera, and, to top it all off, his hair has been ripped out.

“You are being so embarrassing,” Matt says, grinning. “What, are you going to start pouting?”

Adam makes a mental note to ruin Matt to entirety once Dynamite is over.

~

There is something poetic about Adam not being the one actually pouting on a Dynamite day, but also having it not be Matt, either.

It takes a while before he recognizes the shadow, but after the third or fourth pass, it’s obvious. Mox looks uncharacteristically annoyed, almost Matt-like, once Adam gets a chance to see him after his brief vacation. He’s here on backstage work, helping to plan out future storylines and game plan Bryan’s retirement with him, but he keeps walking by the EVP locker room at least once an hour. He’ll glance in, turn away, and then look back before finally walking off. He then returns within the hour.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” Adam asks, halfway through a little braid behind Matt’s ear.

“Who?” Nick asks. He peers out, nearly throwing his notebook on the floor. Adam nudges it closer to the couch with his foot, careful not to dislodge the bookmark hastily shoved into place. “Who is it?”

“Oh my god, stop acting like Billy would do anything but walk up into the room and sweep you off your feet,” Matt says.

“There is no reason for you to be bitchy when you’re the one getting your hair braided.” Nick throws a middle finger up over his shoulder, and Matt huffs. “Seriously, who is being all weird about our – oh.”

Mox, midway through a pass, pauses in front of Nick, looking interesting. “Am I the weird whatever?”

“Yes,” Matt says, with surprising confidence. “Adam keeps seeing you walk by.”

“Maybe Adam’s watching me walk by,” Mox retorts.

Adam snickers. “Only possible if you were stalking us and too nervous to come say hi, but whatever.”

“I’ll see you at catering,” Mox says, almost too abruptly. He turns on his heel and leaves.

“Okay, now I’m even more confused,” Adam mutters. “Also, the braid is done.”

Matt looks up at him, beaming. “I’ll hide it during my promos and everything. But I want to keep it in.”

Adam manages to feel his heart backflip, even as Nick gags and pretends to throw up in the trash can.

~

They’re in the middle of a pre-Dynamite snack and a conversation when somebody drops down hard next to Matt and across from Adam at the table.

“Hey,” Mox says, taking an absurdly huge bite of an equally large apple. He crunches noisily, smiling around the mouthful. “What’s up?”

“Close your damn mouth,” Adam says, throwing a napkin at him. All he has left is his Diet Coke, and he takes a sip as he waits for Mox to explain himself. He’ll talk eventually.

“So,” Mox says. He lounges. It feels a little…much. Like an act. “I hear the two of you are engaged.”

“Yeah?” Adam asks. “Who told you?”

“Because we know it wasn’t social media,” Matt says. It’s impressive how he can even take a sip from his water with attitude.

Mox shrugs. “A little birdie let me know.”

Adam nods, swallowing his soda. “You here to say congratulations?”

“Sort of.” Mox adjusts in his seat. “Can I, um. Can I see the rings?”

Adam and Matt stick their hands out, and Mox seems to stare like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be looking for. Adam gets it. He wasn’t sure either until he checked in with Ruby and Willow. “Sparkly,” he says, nodding. He looks up. “Very cool.”

“You’re acting weird,” Matt says, popping a grape into his mouth. “I mean, you’re always weird, but this is different weird. Weird weird.”

Mox’s face turns into some bizarre facsimile of a smile. There’s a pause. More of a pause. “Does this mean we can’t fuck anymore?” Mox blurts out.

Adam pauses, focusing very hard on not choking on his soda. “Dude?!”

“Sorry,” Mox says, and he lowers his voice into a whisper, like that’s the only issue. “Do those two rings mean I can’t fuck you two anymore?”

Matt blushes furiously and covers his face with his hands, and Adam takes a few breaths to keep from exploding.

“The volume wasn’t the problem,” he hisses, with teeth gritted. “It was the content.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

Mox’s grin goes sharklike, and Adam immediately regrets calling Mox out.

“Don’t –”

“What, you don’t want people to know you share your – well, I guess he’s your fiancée now, isn’t he.” His grin grows wider as Adam feels at least a few eyes settling on their conversation.

“Mox,” Matt says quietly.

Mox shuts up immediately when he gets a look at Matt’s face. “Shit. Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to overstep.”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to,” Matt says. He nods at Adam.  “He’s the one who didn’t like that.”

Mox is almost sheepish as he smiles over at Adam. “Sorry, man,” he says, and it’s almost like he’s trying to whisper but isn’t sure how to.

“You’re good,” Adam says, and he takes a long sip of his soda. May as well make Mox sit in it. “Weird way to start a conversation though.”

Matt snorts.

“What are you laughing about?” Adam asks.

“Better than starting the first ever conversation with somebody by insisting they’re their brother.”

Adam groans. “I thought we were over that.”

“Oh, Nick is,” Matt says. “I think it’s funny. I’m going to make fun of you for it probably forever.” He studies Adam’s face, smiles, then looks down at his ring. “Definitely forever.”

“What?” Mox asks. He turns to Adam. “The fuck did you do?”

Adam drops his face in his hands, groaning. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t!” Mox says, and when Adam looks up, his hands are up in surrender. “Just. Sounds like a good story, is all.”

Matt snickers. “It’s a great story. Adam, if you won’t tell it, can I?”

“In private,” Adam insists. “I can tell from the Axe smell that one of the Gunns is lurking over my shoulder.”

“Goddamnit,” Austin grumbles.

“I told you to stop wearing that stupid body spray!” Colten punctuates it with something that sounds like a slap.

“I can do in private,” Mox says. “You two want to get breakfast tomorrow?” He pauses, eyes narrowing. “Though I’m getting the idea that this won’t be a breakfast appropriate conversation.”

“What in the eff is a breakfast appropriate conversation?”

Mox licks his lips as he looks at Matt. “Talking about what I’d like to do to you the next time the three of us are alone.”

Matt, surprisingly, sighs. “Keep it in your pants, Jonathan.” He stands. “I need to go check in on the sign in sheet, make sure nobody was held up by any weather at the airport.” He walks away with a confidence Adam is a little bit worried about.

“You asked him to marry you and now he’s got then nerve to talk back,” Mox says, leaning back in his seat.

“Technically, he asked me to marry him first.”

~

Adam’s yawning, half asleep from highly disrupted intended 8 hours of sleep because Matt saw a new position he liked mulling around online, when they sit down at the booth in the diner.

They’re midway through cups of coffee when Mox sits down, grinning. “Sorry about being weird yesterday,” and he doesn’t look sorry at all. “Got a tendency to look like a fuckin’ weirdo when I’m horny.”

“Please,” Matt says, rolling his eyes. “That was nothing.”

“I don’t know,” Adam muses. “That was pretty weird.”

Matt rolls his eyes. “Mox, I need you to know how much Adam effed up the first time we met.”

“Can’t have been that bad,” Mox says, nodding to the two of them. “Seems to have ended okay.”

“He mixed up me and Nick and insisted he hadn’t met me.”

Mox blinks. “Damn.”

“Shut up,” Adam grumbles. “I was, like, mid-twenties and confused and stressed. Leave me alone.” He’d hoped it would be at least a few minutes before he got called out. Half of him had hoped that Mox had forgotten.

“Don’t think I will.” Mox grins as he steals a home fry from Adam’s plate. “Talk.”

“No!” Adam says. He looks at Matt. “Matt, make him stop.”

“Ooh, I like this!” Matt says, and it’s really unfair how excited he seems. “Adam, tell Mox.”

“I don’t want to!”

Matt levels him with – they’re not boo boo eyes, exactly. There’s something a little more persuasive in them, something that actually half makes Adam want to do it. Just to see where those eyes go. “Please?” he asks. “I like hearing your version of how we met.” And there go the true boo boo eyes.

Adam sighs. “Goddamnit,” he grumbles. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll talk.”

~~~

He hangs up the phone, wondering if he just got himself fired. He’ll make up the NCI training another weekend. He has two weeks before his training expires. Principal Carver is probably just stressed out. It’ll be okay.

He walks up to the door, trying to look more confident and assured than he feels. “Hey, man,” he says, nodding.

The security guard, who can’t be much older than Adam himself but is about two times his size, looks him up and down. “Entrance is around front.”

“Yeah, I know,” Adam says, frowning. “But I just came out of this door.”

“Why?” the guy asks. He’s frowning harder than Adam is. “Kid, if you want to come to the show, buy a ticket.”

Adam tries to steady his breathing. De-escalation. He’s good at this. “I’m in the show,” he says, as calmly as he can get it. “I’m competing in the wrestling show. Like, I’m on the card.”

The guy frowns. “The wrestlers don’t come out this way. Am I gonna have to call the cops?”

Adam panics. There’s no de-escalation when the other person is getting in the way of your paycheck like this. “No, I swear,” he says. “I have – look, I’m, my name. My ring name is Adam Page. I work here.”

The body guard, examining him with disdain, shakes his head. “Nice try, dude,” he says. “I haven’t heard of anybody named Adam Page in this company.”

Adam is running out of time.

“Hey, man, what’s the issue?”

Adam turns around to see one of the Young Bucks – Matt, he thinks – walking up to him.

“Oh, thank god,” he says. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Matt stares at him, and Adam thinks this may be the worst first impression ever. It’s not cold, exactly, outside, but Adam feels the panicked sweat cool on his skin as he waits for him to be let in. “Alright, where are you on the card?”

“Oh, right. First names. I’m Adam Page.” He sticks out his hand, but Matt doesn’t respond the way he expects.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” Matt says, frowning. “You already introduced yourself.”

“I did?” Adam stares. “No, I didn’t. I met your brother, though, Nick.”

Matt’s frown deepens. “No, you met me,” he says.

Nick walks up from behind Matt, and it’s only then that Adam realizes their eyes are different colors. And that he definitely only met Matt. “Are you messing with us?” Nick asks. “We look nothing alike.”

“You do look alike!” Adam says. “I – are you twins or something?”

“Oh, my god, do you think making fun of us is going to get you pushed?” Nick’s eyes are angry, and Adam is…scared.

“That – that is not what I’m doing!” He tries to keep his voice under control. He immediately fails. “I swear, I got you two mixed up. I’m not great with faces.” He tries not to wince at just how pathetic he sounds. “Please. Don’t get me fired.”

Nick’s blue eyes – he’ll never forget it, Nick is blue and Matt is brown – burn with fury, but Matt seems to have a little sympathy behind his. “You didn’t mean it, did you.”

Adam shakes his head so hard he whips himself in the fact with is hair. “I didn’t. I promise.”

Matt looks at Nick and stares. With a sigh, Nick looks at him for an uncomfortably long beat before rolling his eyes toward Adam. “God, I know, but it’s annoying.”

Adam wonders, briefly, if he missed a whisper or something, but it doesn’t seem like it. Nick turns back to him before he can wonder more. “Fine. We’re good. But if you do something like this again, I’m kicking your ass.”

Adam nods. “Yeah, I get that. You’re Nick, he’s Matt, and you two aren’t twins.”

Nick rolls his eyes and walks away, but Matt has the barest hint of a smile.

“Let him in, Garth,” he says, stepping aside. “He may be a bit of an idiot, but he’s with us.”

Adam wants to get that hint of a smile to something full blown, and, even more so, he wants it aimed at him. He wants it more than he’s wanted anything other than being a world champion.

~

He’s jobbing, of course, but it goes well and there’s some people who really like him and start chanting. Adam, Adam, Adam. It still takes a few beats for him to remember that he’s the Adam they’re cheering for. But it’s nice. Even when it’s only one or two people, it’s nice.

He’s watching the main event from behind the curtain when he hears footsteps behind him. “Kid,” calls the booker. “Get in here.”

Adam knows he knows this guy’s name, but it’s been a crazy night and he’s tired. “Is everything okay, sir?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” the guy says, waving him off. “We got an idea for you. How’s Japan sound?”

“I – it sounds lovely?”

The guy looks at him with half a sympathetic smile, half something a little bit more condescending. “I’m tapping out of this conversation. Bucks?”

Adam freezes. “Bucks?”

Matt and Nick – brown and blue, he’ll never forget it – walk in. “Hey, man,” Matt says, looking far less icy than Nick does. “We got an idea.”

Twenty minutes later, with grunts of approval from the booker and careful explanation interjected with firm and mildly caustic clarifications from Nick, Adam is signing an agreement to try some dates over in Japan.

“We like you for Bullet Club,” Matt says. “You could be…” He trails off, and tilts his head to the side.

“Interesting,” Nick interjects. “And you could protect us.”

“From what?”

Matt’s lips quirk. “Well, in case we need somebody a little bit bigger to take on some of the people who are working against our interests.”

Adam thinks that, in any other situation, he’d mention it sounds like they’re hiring him to be a bit of a mercenary. But teaching doesn’t pay well, and Ring of Honor as it stands pays even worse.

“Yeah,” he says, signing with a flourish. “Yeah, I’m in.” The dates are mostly weekends, which will make it a lot harder to do that make up NCI training. He’ll be tired when he works.

It will be worth it.

When all the ink is dry, Adam stands and shoots his friendliest smiles at the others in the room. “Thank you. For this opportunity.” He clears his throat. “I, uh. I gotta shower. I’ll see y’all later?”

Matt’s eyes sparkle a little bit. “Yeah,” he says. “Okay.”

~

Adam’s in the locker room showers alone. He’s been killing time, meeting people, trying to wait for everyone to leave before he showers. He’s not nervous, exactly. But this many people gets him anxious, and he thinks he deserves a little more time before he has to be comfortable completely naked in front of strangers.

There’s another reason, though. He can’t fight the image of Matt’s face, smiling just a little bit at him, as he strokes his dick. He’s gotta make this quick. The venue’s probably closing soon. But this is his best way to keep his anxiety under control when he’s got to drive, and there’s a lot running through his veins right now that won’t let him relax.

He exhales, moving his hand more quickly, when the curtain rips open. His eyes fly open, and he moves his hand from his dick, but it’s too late. He’s pretty sure the writing’s on the wall.

But Matt, and it’s him, of course, is looking at him, eyes dragging up and down Adam’s body, lingering on his cock. And he licks his lips.

The adrenaline of the night must be really getting under his skin, because he grins at Matt until Matt looks at him. He’s still here. Neither of them have moved. Not really. “This why you asked me to join Bullet Club?” he asks. “You trying to get in on this, baby?”

Matt’s mouth drops into something akin to a pout and his cheeks flush. “I – that’s not why I asked,” he whispers.

“But you didn’t say you aren’t trying to get on this,” Adam says. “And you haven’t left.”

Matt exhales and it’s shaky. Adam wants to taste the hesitation and tension in the air. “I haven’t.” He swallows. “If I get in this shower, are you going to make fun of me?”

“Why would I make fun of you?” Adam asks. He hopes Matt can’t hear how hard his heart is hammering.

Matt shrugs. “Because maybe you think I’m Nick.”

Adam barks out a laugh before he can stop himself. “I definitely don’t think you’re Nick.” He pushes hair damp hair from his face so he can get a better look. “You have brown eyes. You make ‘em look all sad sometimes when you’re trying to look cute.”

“I do not!”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “You’re doing it right now. Like you think I don’t want you in the shower with me.”

Matt huffs, looks over his shoulder, peels off his shirt and sweatpants, and steps in. “Fine,” he says. “I’m here.”

Adam swallows. “You, um. You are.”

Matt’s expression shifts. “Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?”

Adam has plenty of ideas. But there’s one last question he has to ask. “Is this a regular initiation to Bullet Club or something?”

Matt tilts his head to the side. “Do I look like the kind of guy who propositions someone for a business deal?”

Adam considers it briefly. “You know what? No. Not for a business deal, at least.”

“I – fine, okay. That’s fair.” Matt stands on his toes and leans in until Adam’s back hits the wall. His hands go up automatically, flat and damp against Matt’s warm back. His skin is even softer than it looks. His eyes are softer, kinder, and more playful than he’s ever seen in the ring or on television.

He swallows. He won’t let himself get too invested in this man. He’s not that stupid.

“Are you gonna kiss me?” he whispers. He hopes the answer is yes.

Matt pushes up a little farther, and their lips touch. It’s not electric like a shock. It’s more like the warmth of a light on in the kitchen when you get home, and Adam thinks he’s already in trouble. He shouldn’t be thinking about home while his arms are around a guy he just met.

He forgets how to think about anything when Matt slips his tongue into Adam’s mouth. Their dicks bump against each other, fleetingly, and Adam hears the most interesting little whimper that he catches in his mouth from Matt.

He pulls back and Matt slides his lips down the side of Adam’s neck, nipping lightly. “Jesus,” Adam mumbles. “Okay, yeah.” He slides his hands down and grabs two solid handfuls of that ass, something he definitely has looked at when he thought he wasn’t allowed to, and moans. “God – it’s fucking unfair that you look like this.”

Matt pulls back and beams. “I knew it!” he says, almost too gleeful. “I knew you were looking at me.”

“Inviting you into my shower didn’t give you the first hint?!”

Matt shrugs. “Lots of people want to eff me when they first see me naked.”

Adam blinks at him.  “Sorry, did you just censor the word fuck?”

“We don’t swear,” Matt says. “Me or my brother, I mean.”

“It’s we’re that you’re bringing up your brother when we’re both naked.”

Matt shrugs. “If I give you a blow job, will you leave me alone about not cursing?”

Adam thinks that, if Matt gives him a blow job, he might straight up fall in love. But that is a terrible thing to say. “Probably not,” he says, but right now he’s grinning down at Matt who’s rolling his eyes and smiling up at him. So maybe that’s the right thing to say.

Matt’s mouth around him is beyond anything Adam could have imagined. There was definitely a part of him that assumed this was some sort of prank or way to get him in trouble. But Matt’s the one on his knees, making interested little sounds on the sides of the slurping noises. And Adam is willing to get embarrassed if it also gets him this.

“Jesus,” he murmurs. “I – can I?” He gingerly puts his hand on top of Matt’s head. He’s about to pull back when Matt’s hand whips up and grabs his, shoving his fingers into Matt’s hair.

Matt pulls back, grinning. “You can pull it, too, if you want,” Matt says. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that suggests that, maybe, he’s the one who wants it.

“Yeah, okay,” Adam breathes.

He doesn’t pull. Not very much. He doesn’t want to overstay his welcome or overstep. But he’s in his mid-twenties and he’s got a hair trigger on his best days, and this isn’t going to last.

“Matt,” he says. “Matt, okay, it’s been so long since – anything, and I –” He chokes out, moaning, as Matt literally swallows him down and Adam is gone. Absolutely gone.

He whimpers, half embarrassment and half overstimulation, and Matt pulls back. There’s a brief cough then a warm hand on Adam’s arm.

“I take it that was good?”

Adam opens his eyes to see Matt smiling at him, but there is the barest hint of hesitation in his eyes. “Baby,” Adam tests, and Matt straight up melts, “that was incredible. Can I – you?” He doesn’t think his brain is going to go back to normal for a while, but he reaches downward and Matt nods frantically.

“Oh, yes. Cool. So definitely yes.”

Adam grabs Matt by the hips and turns him, pressing him up against the wall. “Can I kiss you?”

Matt doesn’t answer, just throws his arms around Adam’s neck and pulls him in. Adam moans into Matt’s mouth and slides his hand down. The water makes it just slick enough to work as he strokes Matt’s dick. Matt pushes up against him and throws a leg around Adam’s waist. There’s no hesitation in the way he touches, the way he moves, the way he demands to have more of Adam.

Time washes away with the shower water and Adam can tell Matt is close by the way he turns his head and begins panting, his head thunking against the wall of the shower.

“Adam,” he whispers, coming all over Adam’s hand. and it’s the first time Adam Page has ever truly felt connected to this name.

~~~

“Wow,” Mox says, and it would sound impressed if he wasn’t in the middle of a yawn. “What a way to hit your first week of work, Cowboy.”

“Shut up,” Adam grumbles. It’s his fifth cup of coffee and his bones are starting to feel like they’re shattering from the insides. “I was nervous and young.”

“And embarrassed about everything,” Matt says. “Don’t forget that part.”

Adam rolls his eyes and leans in, kissing the side of Matt’s head. “Thanks, babe.”

“That’s cute,” Mox says, taking a sip of his sugar with a hint of coffee in it. “So, I forgot this all started from a question I had.”

Matt tilts his head and looks at Mox. “A question?”

Mox nods and takes a long draw from his coffee. “Yeah.” He glances at Adam like he’s checking for permission. Adam makes him wait a moment, just for his own fun, and then shrugs.

“Go for it, man.”

Mox’s smile is lazy, like he’s really relishing the opportunity to make Adam and Matt wait, which doesn’t work super well since Adam just pulled that move. Mox can do his best – making Matt wait is Adam’s second favorite past time. “You two are engaged now.”

Matt beams and glances at his hand. “Yeah.”

“Jesus, look more stupid about it. I dare you.”

Adam kicks Mox under the table. “Be nice.”

“No,” Mox says with a grin. “Anyway, you two are engaged. Getting married and probably doing the whole white wedding and shit.”

Matt and Adam nod. Matt grabs Adam’s hand and squeezes. “And?” he asks.

“Does this mean I can’t fuck you two anymore?” It’s said more casually this time than at Dynamite, like he’s had time to consider it. Adam’s not sure if he likes it; if it means he’s come to terms with the idea that he can’t, that’s a little disappointing.

“What would make you think that?” Adam looks over at Matt, who’s got the most innocent, blank look on his face, like he didn’t ask almost the exact same question the night they got engaged.

“Don’t give – okay, I’m just asking.”

Adam fights his own smile as Matt tilts his head to the side. “Why?” Matt asks. “Do you want to again?”

Mox’s eyes flicker to Adam’s, who has remained very carefully blank. “Yeah, Mox,” he asks. “Do you want to fuck us again?”

“Oh, no, I don’t know if I like this,” Mox mutters. “I’m not a big fan of the two of you ganging up on me.”

“You liked it last time,” Matt quips, and Adam breaks. He laughs and his coffee shakes on the table when he bangs his hand on it.

“Okay, Jesus,” Mox says. “We gonna do this?”

Adam shrugs. “I’m in. Up to you, Matty.”

“Of course I’m in,” he says, scoffing. “Well, I guess, technically, you two are in.”

Mox and Adam groan, and Matt giggles.

~

“Is he here yet?” Matt asks, peeking out the window. “I feel like he should be here by now.”

“I sure as hell hope not.” Adam is halfway through dusting the fan, a task that should be done monthly but is lucky to get done ever, and glances around. There’s still things he wishes he could get done.

Matt looks at him and sighs. “He’s Mox, Adam. He’s not going to care if our blankets aren’t folded perfectly or something.”

“I care,” Adam says, and he can hear that he sounds a bit whiny.

“You sound like me,” Matt scoffs. “And even I know that’s not a compliment.”

Adam channels the annoyance into productivity and manages to get the couch looking at least a little presentable and the laundry put away before he hears Matt say, “He’s here!”

Adam’s in a mild flurry for a moment, unsure of where to put himself, and settles for pouring a glass of water for himself and chugging it while Matt gets the door.

He can hear them chatting amicably as they walk in.

“Yeah, Adam built most of it,” Matt says. “Ranch style. Old man is always worried about his hips.”

“You are both turning forty in the next year,” Adam says. “Also, hi, Mox.”

Mox nods at him. “Hey.” There is an overnight bag on his shoulder, but he’s fidgeting.

“Do you want to get food?” Matt asks. “You must be hungry from the flight.”

“Nah,” Mox says. “Got something at the airport.” He looks around. “I like the place. You did good designing it.”

Adam can’t fight his smile. “Thanks, man. I always wanted a ranch, you know? And, with AEW, I was able to build my own.”

Their conversations are easy as they hang out around the kitchen island, but Adam watches Matt get antsy. He’d showered for a full hour in anticipation and Adam, honestly, is excited to see how the evening unfolds.

Mox is halfway through a story about Seth Rollins and a rest stop, when Matt holds up a hand.

“Wait,” he says. “I have a question.”

Mox glances at Adam, then back at Matt. “Um. Yes?”

“Is this because you have a plan, or are we just beating around the wrong bush?”

“Was that a sex joke?” Adam asks.

“Shush,” Matt says. “Because I’m, like, really happy you’re here and I don’t want you to think we’re using you, but I got real thorough in the shower and I’m sort of antsy.”

Mox’s eyebrows shoot up. “Antsy, huh?” He grins, something Adam absolutely recognizes. “Always so desperate for it, isn’t he.”

Minutes later, they’re all naked and on each other. Mox is on his knees behind Matt, mouth and tongue working at Matt’s body like a goddamned expert, and Adam is swallowing all the moans from Matt’s lips he can.

Matt turns away, panting. “He’s really – he’s good at this, Adam,” he says. “Fuck, Mox, oh my god.”

“You made him swear!” Adam says. “Oh, this is great. Keep going.”

There’s a slurping noise and then Mox says, “Can’t. Fuck, my jaw is killing me.”

“Bed,” Matt says. “Bed, I want – I want you both at once.”

Adam shrugs. “Sure, we can do that. Done it before.”

 Matt shakes his head as he crawls on the bed, hands and knees.

“Oh,” Mox says. “Oh, I get it.” He looks over at Adam. “You ever heard of spitroasting?”

Adam sighs. “Oh, of course. Fill all his holes or whatever.”

Matt squeaks.

“You like that idea?” Mox asks. He crooks a finger and beckons Matt toward him. “Want me to fuck your mouth while Adam fucks your pretty little ass?”

Matt nods, transfixed on Mox, as he crawls onto the bed and leans down to lick at Mox’s cock. “That’s exactly what I want,” he murmurs, and Adam wonders if that’s more to himself than to the other two in the room. “Please?”

Mox nods. “Course, baby. Anything you want.” He’s incredibly gentle, pushing only the very head of his cock into Matt’s mouth. It’s a beautiful sight.

“See?” Adam murmurs, pressing a kiss to Mox’s shoulder. “I told you you can still fuck us.”

“Shut up,” Mox says. But there’s no malice in his tone, no anger. He rolls his shoulders as Adam runs his fingertips down his back, with just a little hint of nail. “You keep that up, Cowboy, were gonna have an issue.”

Adam laughs. “Maybe I want to have that kind of issue.”

Matt pulls off, looking petulant as always. “Aren’t you supposed to be fucking my mouth or something? This feels like you’re distracted.”

Mox groans. “Fucking hell, Matt.”

“I’m just saying,” Matt says, and he turns the eyes on. “I wouldn’t be talking and annoying if you kept your dick in my mouth.”

Mox looks at Adam. “How the fuck do you put up with this?”

Adam sighs. “Love, I guess. I find it pretty cute.”

Mox shakes his head slowly. “And I thought Eddie was down bad for Yuta.” He strokes Matt’s hair a little bit. “Alright, open up, pretty thing.”

Adam watches Matt beam as he does as Mox says and it’s just as good a view the second time.

“Alright,” Adam says. He kisses Mox’s shoulder before he can think better of it, and walks around the bed to stand behind Matt. “Gonna finish getting you ready now, baby.”

There’s an excited little sound from Matt as Adam traces his finger along Matt’s skin. His fingertips play along the soft, round muscle. Adam will have fun with taking his time. Matt doesn’t seem too distressed by the wait, but maybe that’s because he’s kind of already getting what he wants. And he’s already so slick with spit. Adam’s finger slides into him easily, no lube needed, and grabs the bottle with his other hand.

“Good work, Mox,” he says. “He’s almost ready.”

“Yeah,” Mox says, smug. “I’ve been told I’m good with my tongue.” He winks.

Adam rolls his eyes. “No need to be a prick about it.”

When Matt’s ready, Adam smacks his ass gently to get him in place.

“Ready, baby?” Adam murmurs, teasing at Matt’s hole with his dick.

Matt nods around Mox’s cock, then pulls off. “Yes. Yes, I’m ready. Let’s go.” He wiggles his ass, and isn’t that the prettiest sight Adam’s ever seen.

Laughing, Adam slowly pushes into Matt, taking his time. Matt, on the other hand, has more immediate ideas. He shoves back against Adam, leading to a surprising little yelp from Adam himself.

“You good there, Cowboy?” Mox asks, and Adam absolutely hates that little smile on his face.

“I’m good,” Adam says, running his hands up and down Matt’s hips. “I – just surprised is all. Matt here is being annoying.”

Matt rocks back, taking all of Adam’s cock inside of him, and throws an incredibly glare over his shoulder. “Annoying?” he asks. “You’re the one who’s being all weird and slow and precious about it. You are supposed to be spitroasting me, not acting all cute about it.”

“Get my dick back in your mouth and shut up, you little brat,” Mox says, but even the most obtuse of people could see just how fondly he’s looking at Matt. “Christ. I can’t believe I wanted to fuck you again.”

“I can,” Matt says, and sinks his mouth around Mox again.

It’s not long before Adam and Mox figure out how to help Matt go completely boneless with a little bit of a constant rhythm. It’s not fast and it’s not aggressive, which is kind of unexpected for how Adam knows Mox behaves in general and how Matt likes, but Matt seems as happy as he’s ever been to be nothing more than used as he rocks back and forth between Mox’s dick and Adam’s.

Adam keeps looking at Mox, because he feels Mox looking at him, but then Mox will look away. It’s kind of weird but kind of funny, all in one, and he realizes a second too late he’s laughing.

There’s a weird little shift, Mox yells, “Hey!”, and Matt turns around to glare. “Sorry, is something funny?”

“Not – yes, but no. I was thinking about – Mox keeps looking at me.”

“He’s looking at you?” Matt asks, incredulous. “Sorry, we’re having sex. Is eye contact crossing too much of a boundary for you or something?”

Mox snickers. “You tell him, princess.”

“You’re just as bad, weirdo,” Matt says. It doesn’t sting, Adam thinks, because Matt leans back in and wraps his mouth around Mox again.

This time, when Mox looks at him, he holds eye contact. It does something weird to Adam’s whole body – electricity, desire, and still a hint of that hatred that got them all here in the first place.

His hips start moving faster and he realizes he’s not going to last long when he can hear the way Matt moans around Mox’s cock.

“This,” Adam pants, “is stupid and I fucking love it.”

“You’re stupid and I fucking –” Mox’s eyes widen. “Anyway.”

Adam’s so startled he comes. It’s a new thing for him. Rather unexpected. But it’s beyond good, startling even, and Adam grips Matt’s hips as hard as he can.

“Fucking Christ,” Mox groans. He pulls back and looks down at Matt. “Can I come on that pretty face, Matty?”

Matt whimpers and nods, and Adam gets just enough time to lick his hand and get a hand around Matt before Mox is cursing and painting Matt’s face.

“Oh, my god,” Matt whispers, and he pulses in Adam’s hand. Adam watches as Matt licks Mox off of his lips.

“Fucking – get up here.” Mox cups Matt’s face and pulls him to kneeling and kisses him, getting both of them messy. The movement pulls Matt away from Adam, which is a bit of a shame, but the sight may be worth it.

Mox pulls away with a grin, face a mess. “Couldn’t resist, man,” he says, his smile turning lazy. “Especially if this was gonna be the last time?”

“Who said that?” Adam asks. He stands, giving Matt room to flop on the bed. He’s beaming. “You’ll disappoint him if we don’t do this again.”

Mox’s expression goes softer than a man who brought a Death Jitsu hoodie to their hookup should be able to pull off. “So, you’re not gonna kick me out?”

“Did you think this wasn’t a sleepover?” Matt mumbles. His eyes are closed. “We have a king bed. If you get annoying I’ll kick you to the foot and I won’t feel bad about it.”

Mox glances at Adam.

“You think I’m gonna make you leave?” Adam asks. “We both invited you to hang out. It wasn’t like he had to argue to convince me.”

Mox smiles again. “Yeah, okay.” He opens his mouth to speak, but then his stomach growls so loudly even Matt perks up.

“Wanna get pizza?” Matt asks. He stretches his arms above his head, clearly making a show of it. “I’m feeling pizza tonight.”

“Pizza it is,” Adam says. “You better not get some sort of weird, gross order.”

“I don’t!” Mox says, rolling off the bed. “My order is perfectly normal.”

One bedsheet change, a pepperoni, mushroom olive, and anchovy pizza related argument, and three separate pizzas later, the three of them are dozing off, just chatting.

“I hope that answers your question,” Matt mumbles, snuggled up with his back against Adam’s front with his head on Mox’s chest.

“Question?” Mox grumbles. His eyes are closed in the low light from the window. He looks younger.

“If we could still sleep together,” Matt says. His voice is even less clear now, and Adam knows he’s seconds from falling asleep.

“Yeah,” Mox chuckles, smiling. Adam kisses Matt’s temple and reaches out to touch Mox’s hand. Mox doesn’t flinch. “Yeah, it does.”

~

Mini Playlist: Hey Cowboy - Devon Cole Faceplant - LOLO Feed the Beast - Arizona I Could Get Used to This - The Veronicas

As my actual real life has been chaotic, I've had to wait longer than planned to edit, revise, and post this. But I'm glad you have stuck with me with all the hooplah. I hope reading this fic brought you as much joy as writing it did for me. To conclude the final Matt Experiment, thank you <3

[yosajaeofficial]

JULY UPDATE

Hey hey hey! Welcome back to the show, “The Monthly Jayce Myles Comics Updates!” Where I give obvious monthly updates to my followers about the progress for the hit series that hasn’t debuted yet, “ROTTMNT: The Jayce Myles Comics”! Sorry I haven’t posted this month, I was hella busy with college applications and other projects, but I’m delighted to get back into these updates.

Without further ado, let’s get the show running! I have some fun things to show ya!!!

The Comic

(W.I.P OF THE OFFICIAL DEBUT COMIC)

The month was way too quick for my own good, the comic’s slow. Again, I was busy applying to college and doing other side projects I’m working on. I’m gonna be attending college next month so the comic will have its hardships but I really wanna pursue my education as well, but the updates shall continue like always with all of its fun content! Anyways, the comic: the debut has 20+ pages and my god it’s just insane on how many there are when I’m not even halfway there. I’m impressed with how many pages go by just to tell the story, older pages will be fixed up so it either might be reduced or even more but that’s for future Jae to decide; I’m learning as I go! It’s also better that I show instead of say that I’m just “working on it” since it’s easy to lie to be honest.

The turtles haven’t been seen since I haven’t got to drawing their introductions yet, I’m gonna shart in my pants because I’m scared but I’m literally an artist doing a comic so I gotta do them sooner than later. Maybe the next update you’ll see them? Don’t hold me too much onto that but it might be a cute goal to set, let me know what happened when the August update comes!

Jayce is so silly with her coat huh? She’s just a girl giving it her best, even if they thrift at the worst shop known to man (they’re gonna learn someday…) We also got Rogelio and Jayce being all cool together, I was proud of that page when first sketching it out. They both are so sweet to draw out, hope to see their finalized pages to see their true potential!

Bonus Content: Hidden City Mystical Crystals

Silly reader, you’re scratching your nose and thinking, “what am I looking at?” You’re in luck! Cuz these babies are actually additional parts about the Hidden City’s lore/magic system. Magic system? Yes, a magic system. The Jayce Myles Comics is going beyond the original canon of Rise and creating many more original concepts and combining it with what was given by the canon. I wanted to show off more of the mystics from yokai because their potential was so much cooler to finally explore when drafting the ideas.

The Hidden City’s magic system is based off of the elements, not too complicated, but has some different rules when compared to other executions of the elemental magic system. That’s for another day, I’m only gonna talk about the crystals and show what they can do. You can reference this update and look into the JMC with this cool bit of knowledge! Let’s get started >:3

Origins of the Mystical Crystals

These crystals were created based off of industrial flaws people have faced. Basically, I learned about the 1920s construction workers and their working conditions where it made me think “what would the have wished for when they worked?” I referenced from real people, history books, and my own personal experiences to create functions, and help base the crystals off of what I came up with.

The Netflix show, “Arcane” was a great inspiration to combine mystics with technology, the brand was called “Hextech” and it’s system was hella cool to me and it helped a lot when I was working on the crystal’s concepts. The mystical crystals are meant to be used as “tools to help the magic user”, where they can enhance their power, gain a temporary ability, create spells, or use in technology.

The names of them are based off of the Latin languages like, English, Italian, Spanish, and a hint of both Chinese and Korean if you squint really hard. I will go through each of the crystals in a vague manner for ya’ll to see what they can do!

Fire Magic

Fire magic is actually defined as: “The manipulation/manifestation of temperature” instead of just heat, it can be fire or ice.

LA HEILMAQ: The crystal is based off of quartz in visuals and has the glow like a moonstone! La Heilmaq is the crystal that’s used to help air conditioning in modern homes and create weapons. They’re the most natural crystal to use to create weapons since it’s form holds up so well, it’s as common as bronze in real life! They’re pretty cold to the touch, so be careful and don’t hold them for too long if you’re 1. not a fire magic user, or 2. not wearing gloves. These babies are used for more attacks than defense since they’re pretty deadly if you’ve been penetrated by the crystal itself.

EL HEILMAQ: This crystal is based off of colored glass from old alcohol bottles, tainted windows, and the power of friendship because this is the one that isn’t the most realistic looking since I made the shape up. It looks like the “BOOM!” shape for a reason~ El Heilmaq is the crystal which contains heat, it’s sealed by the actual gemstone itself so you’re able to touch with your bare hands without getting burned. The crystal can be used for restoring heat in homes, making artillery, and/or throwing them on the ground to create natural firecrackers. Most yokai use smaller bits of the crystal as distractions and the bigger pieces to help the industry by keeping their homes warm, they don’t need boiler rooms or to grab coal because El Heilmaq crystals can already do that for them without causing damage to nature.

The word Heilmaq was based off the English word “Hail” which is Ice, which is to hammer the idea that this isn’t just heat based. The word Maq is gibberish that's made to be another word for "kaboom", which brings more of the fire elements to the word itself.

Air Magic

Air magic is defined as, “The manipulation/manifestation of oxygen”!

LA SENYÁR: The crystal is based off of diamonds and emeralds! La Senyár is a crystal that helps give the air magic user more of a boost, they can crash the crystal and it gives them a boost of air so they can jump higher, dodge quicker, or just blow a gust of wind at the enemy. The crystal itself is used by technology to give it more flight, used in planes, cars, and even shoes! Yes, shoes can also have the crystal, it helps the bird yokai give them a boost to use their wings to fly. The word Senyár is a word based off of the Spanish word, “Soñar” that translates to “To Dream”; it was named this way because the way how the pressure of the air isn’t as powerful or dense, it’s like if you’re walking on clouds, it feels like a dream.

Water Magic

Water magic is defined as, “The manipulation/manifestation of water and health”

LA CANTÉM: The crystal is based off of pebbles found in rivers, ponds, and on rock beaches; there’s also influence by the topaz gemstone with it’s beautiful orange color. La Cantém is a healing crystal, where you’re able to use it on yourself to cool down injuries where it helps heal the wounds. It works both as a numbing solution and healing solution based on the water magic user. With these crystals, you always have to hydrate them in fresh water so the water can absorb into the crystal and used as energy; if it’s dehydrated, then the crystal’s will be weaker. The word Cantém is based off of the Spanish word, “Cantar” where it translates to, “To Sing”. It’s because singing can calm people down, and the crystal helps calm down the injured and lets the healing process go smoothly, it’s based off of my bestie where their singing really was like fresh water to my ears, a great inspiration for this crystal.

Earth Magic

Earth magic is defined as, “The manipulation/manifestation of nature”

EL TERÉM: The crystal is based off of an amethyst visually, and yes, inside there’s a different color! El Terém is the crystal that most fighters use in order to manipulate rocks/boulders, build stronger architecture, or create rock shields when you throw them on the floor. It’s mostly rock based but still hella good to use in battle as a defense mechanism, the rock that’s formed is sturdy too, not weak for it to break easily. Shredder would have no problems breaking it but that guy’s insane. The word Terém is inspired by the word "tear" or "contain", any interpretation rocks! (no pun intended)

Yin Magic

Yin magic is defined as, “The manipulation/manifestation of darkness”

MIE SIÑE: The crystal is based off of titanium black tourmaline and onyx. Mie Siñe is the crystal that contains shadows inside, depending on what the spell is, it either can produce shadows or fog. The usage for the crystal is much more unknown since Yin magic is banned from being used in Witchtown, but the crystal itself has been documented to be used to isolate the enemy when being used. It's also been used to cover the enemies eyes with darkness in order to distract them/become vulnerable sight wise. The word Siñe is a word based on the actual word "Sign" and "Sin", which holds a lot of significance into the story so I won't spoil.

Yang Magic

Yang magic is defined as, “The manipulation/manifestation of light”

MIE PIRE: This dear crystal is based off of the Italian onyx, magnesite, and calcite. Mie Pire is the crystal that contains light inside, any kind of light, it's not just sunlight. It's a bit more tricky and dangerous to use since you can blind yourself with it more easily, so it's also not as used. However, Yang magic is also banned like Yin, but there has still been technological uses for Mie Pire like using it as an alternative for electricity (which saves the bills!) and also used as lamps for more conservative places like Witchtown. The crystal has proved itself useful as a light source, but it can still be used as a defense mechanism by blinding the enemies eyes for a good second of even minute. The word Pire is based off of the word "Pure" which means that this crystal is very raw hence why it's dangerous. Another word it's inspired by is the Latin word "Pyra" which means "Bonfire". Both interpretations are used for this one!

The word Mie is based off of the actual Italian word "Mie" which means "My". It doesn't truly mean mine, because it's also inspired by the Spanish "Mira" that translates to "Look". It can be interpreted any way you want!

Thank you for coming to this lovely update! I've been working really hard to get the comic rolling and to also balance out my personal life with it, but I'm proud of how far I've come in the span of a year! Lots of progress has been made and it's getting much more exciting to create for the JMC. Have a wonderful day/night and see ya'll soon.

[paracosmic-murdock]

i kinda just noticed that I never say anything here but i've been super inspired lately with a benedict OS fic (longings locked) i just labeled as COMING SOON and it will come sooner than the anthony fic i put in my masterlist like...

last year 😭

i've actually written a few chapters of the anthony one and i might start posting them as soon as i'm sure my inspiration won't end halfway through it (been there, done that) (i will post it soon bc i couldn't have written all that IN VAIN)

this is me:

anyways, as a compensation, i'm gonna share a bit of it. it's titled "tarnished, but so grand", and this is the summary:

you, your mother, and younger sisters were left to your own devices after your father's death with no one to take care or provide for you. thankfully, high society's ties were always useful, and you got an interview with none other than viscount anthony bridgerton for the job of his sister's governess. and yes, he could have expected about anything except to fall for you in such invasive, magnificently cursed manner when he was supposed to be looking for his very own wife.

if this flops i'll delete in immediately🙄

anyways, here comes the sneak peek:

After two months of knowing you, Anthony could say he got used to you not giving yourself credit for anything. He believed it was something that had to do with the sense of responsibility of being the eldest child who was imposed the task of providing for your family in a world that deprived your gender of opportunities to do just that. He saw himself in you often enough, and that might be the reason why he was so driven to you.

You nodded. “I saw him struggling and reached out to help. Did I take a liberty beyond my place?”

“Not at all. I could never question your place in this household, Miss Luddington,” Anthony was quick to erase the idea from your mind. “What I mean to say is thank you. This goes beyond your job as Hyacinth's governess, and it is not that I have any issue whatsoever. I only wish to thank you for helping Gregory as I've also taken notice of how much you have done for Eloise. This is going to be quite a difficult season for all of us, so I am incredibly grateful to you for taking the burden of my sister's stubbornness off my shoulders.”

You looked at him surprised. “You are very welcome, My Lord, but you mustn't thank me for anything.” you waved off after a sigh. “It does not need to be so difficult for all of you. I am sure that Eloise is more relaxed and her aversion for the upcoming events has been fading. You should not worry too much about her.”

Anthony cleared his throat. “I didn't mean it because of Eloise only… I have decided to start looking for a wife this season.”

That was everything but expected.

“Oh…”

Your lips formed a fine line at the thought, and you wanted to scold yourself for that painful weight growing in your gut.

“Yes… I believe it is time for me to settle down and find a wife, a viscountess. My mother has been too stressed with her responsibilities as the lady of the house, the Dowager Viscountess, and our mother. Once I marry, she will be more tranquil, freer.”

“That is right, My Lord,” you granted him. “Your mother has been tired lately. I wish you the best of luck on your quest, though I am a hopeless romantic, and dare I hope for you to find love instead of just a suitable partner.”

Anthony chuckled. “While I appreciate the sentiment, I am afraid I cannot afford that luxury.”

“You are a man, My Lord. One with power, at that. With all due respect, there are certainly not many things a person like you could consider a mere luxury, and your choice of a wife should not be one of them,” you mentioned, perhaps the alcohol giving you the guts to speak so freely. “God knows I would give anything to attend a ball, wear my fancy dresses and my jewels again, be asked to dance by handsome gentlemen, and be seen with utter admiration.”

“I take it it is your wish to marry.” he guessed, feeling his heart ache in your name.

You laughed, refilling the glass of whiskey and pouring one for him as well. “Now it is further than a dream… Papa promised me when I was a little girl that I would marry the man I loved. He said I was his daughter and that no man would ever deserve me, but I deserved whichever man I laid my eyes upon. Now I fear I shall die an old maid.”

“You can never be so sure.”

“Unfortunately, no man I marry would allow me to work, much less will he be able to provide for my entire family. I would have to marry a rich man for that, and I am afraid my status as a high society lady has been revoked. I could never get that,” you countered. “I also would not dare to abandon my dearest Hyacinth, and once she is done with her education, I will be too old to be wanted.”

“I can assure you, Miss Luddington, that it would be the most enormous waste on Earth if a lady as phenomenal as you passes before knowing what it feels like to be truly admired like she deserves.”

if you want to be added to the taglist of tarnished, but so grand, you can comment this post or dm me btw <3

if you want to be added to the longings locked's taglist, you can also let me know with a comment or dm, i'd be honored to add you

ALSO i wanted to thank you all for the support! this blog started with my matt murdock obsession and i want to write something else for him soon, but my current hyperfixation is bridgerton.

that would be all, thanks for reading! 🫶🏼