#god im so normal abt them

[star-flcwers]

using this acc to make content of my two only ocs bc i need to let this out like actually i am so Normal abt them yk

btw i am a minor and some of my oc posts might (will) be nsfw so ! (also nsfw posts will mostly be abt their actor au bc)

time to introduce my sillies ^_^

cw : angst, major character death

aristonike zephyrus :

aristonike (aristo , ari , nike) is a star child (technically god) - star children are born from supernovas/when a star dies bc stars are like more god than god himself here and ya!!! so like anyway star children are just stars but smaller and not that powerful, and they’re assigned to protect a certain planet and in this case w ari she’s like protecting the earth right (dude this is sounding more cringe to me the more i type it here LMFOAOAO) so anyway yea ever since like, the start of civilization she’s been protecting this planet !!! (crazy things)

she’s been in disguise, pretending to be a normal human and living normally (she is not normal) and stuff right ! so anyway she’s also living w her other immortal-ish friends (family (hi kilogang)) and stuff !!! she is now disguised as a college student in art history, suffering even though she literally witnessed the famous historical painters do their thing

(gonna stop here bc i’ll end up explaining the entire lore that's complete unrelated)

robin autumn :

robin (lonnie , raw (hi li) , bird) is a barista who works in a café called “starry nights” and he’s like, popular. like really popular — everyone goes to the café just to see him since he works at the counter

he’s also an art history college student and coincidentally is in the same class as aristonike, the girl who he has a crush on visits the cafe frequently. so now they’re awkward classmates !

but what robin doesn’t know is that he’s actually the reincarnation of aristonike’s first love (like first first love. ever since she descended to earth bro).

their story :

as the earth’s protector, aristonike couldn’t help but get curious about the humans living there. were they like her, perhaps? or were they completely different?

she decides to descend down to earth and observes the planet quietly, walking around and befriending some of the animals in the forest she was in. then she finds a civilization — then after observing what the humans looked like, she changes her appearance to appear more like then than her actual form. she approaches the humans hesitantly, greeting them shyly — and surprisingly, they welcome her with open arms.

after staying in the village for a while, right as she was deciding to leave and go back home, she meets a young man that introduced himself to her. then she decides to stay for a bit longer, either because she was curious about this young man or because he managed to charm her, a star child.

the more she hung out with him, the more she started to get attached . she wanted to be with him more, she wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to love him. she knew what love was — did eros discover her little friend and decided to shoot her with the golden arrow ? she’d have to ask the god soon.

aristonike knew that humans were similar to gods and stars — they had the same emotions, same features, same heart. if stars fought, then she expected it when she witnessed humans fighting each other, too.

but she definitely didn’t expect them to wage war.

what was even worse was that her first love, her partner had to go to the war. she tried to stop him, she really did, but she knew that he couldn’t. so she let him go to war, but there was absolutely no way he was going without her.

fighting side by side together, aristonike was sure that they would win this war. she was sure that after this, they could go back home to their little corner in the woods and rest. they could continue to live, to love each other.

then the dagger was thrown directly into his back.

aristonike didn’t even have the time to process it until she found herself rushing towards his bleeding body on the ground, blood soaking the grass beneath them in red.

she couldn’t save him, not when he already lost so much blood and he was already close to passing out. she whispered sweet nothings into his ear, as if praying for him to hold on for just a bit more time, as if begging him to stay alive.

she thought humans and gods were alike — they had the same emotions, same features, same hearts. the only difference was that humans were not immortal like them.

aristonike sobbed and cried and mourned, and then she yelled and shouted in anger — pouring out all her emotions until they all burst into a large explosion that almost destroyed the one thing she swore to protect. her siblings had to stop her, to hold her back before she ended up destroying herself, too.

she was scolded by the stars, of course. that was no surprise. she accepted her punishment — forced to stay away from the earth for a century. and she did, using up the time to mourn over the death of her beloved. and a century passed, and she visited the earth once more.

she did the same as before, disguising herself and shyly introducing herself, and they eagerly accept her. a few years pass, perhaps a decade, and then she sees him again — her first love, her beloved, her other half.

he looked exactly the same, the only difference was the faint different colored marks on his skin. she knew that this wasn’t the same robin as her past one, but she had to give it a shot. she introduced herself again, got him to love her again, and then he died.

another century passes, and she finds him, then the process repeats. over and over and over again. yet she never gets tired of it, she never gets tired of falling in love again and again and again. she’ll love him over and over again, until she couldn’t anymore.

[hinamie]

i'm on an itafushi kick and i am making it everyone else's problem

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"

[jellyaibo]

i think pizzahead and pizzano would be "really good friends"

bonus (warning. implied funny sex penis joke but its nothing explicit dw)

*for clarification peppino and pizzano arent related (obviously), pizzahead just thinks they are bc they look the fucking same (which i mean. yeah they are alternate universe vers of each other AHAH)

[fuckinfreddie]

im back with another willry scribble dump except this time w/ better paper and 70% more meme

[thefloatingwriter]

sunrise on the reaping is where headcanons go to die.

[ariinurl]

Happy birthday to em ‼️‼️‼️

[goldiipond]

sweet dreams

[dukeofthomas]

I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.

Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.

[osteochondraldefect]

comfort doodles of these two that i drew before my surgery :']

[eeper-jeeper]

Ok so I finally got the chance to listen through Our Martyred Lady with a friend and I just want to talk about a few things especially regarding Celefax because I heard of a few things before going into it like the focus scene and the robes but there is some more to chew on that I want to discuss so bad

So MAJOR spoilers below!! (Also heads up I am still very new to Warhammer in general and have forgotten some terms)

Ok so for starters I want to just talk about the fact Greyfax knows what bees are enough to question why someone else doesn't know what they are. I just think this is just a fun bit and something about it is just very humorous to me. Like how much random knowledge does she know about old life forms? Either way I love the fact the knowledge of bees has persisted this far.

Next, characters constantly bring up that Greyfax spending time with Celestine is changing her. It happens like twice and it is so funny especially given she says something like "What do you know of me?" In reply like everyone sees that crush a mile away girl !!

The fact Greyfax got angry that she wasn't informed that Celestine was on Terra for two whole days before she knew!! In tandem with this Celestine personally requesting Greyfax to see her like !!! Hello?? These facts are so everything to me like they wanted to see each other??

The ecclesiarchy guy describes how pretty Celestine is in detail and this distracts Greyfax enough for her to snap at him to be quiet. (To be fair they were up high so she could get away from all the mind clutter of the crowd) BUT I think it's fun that this is the note this conversation ends on.

When shit hits the fan and the assassination attempt starts and Greyfax reaches out to Celestines mind to reassure her that it's her doing the shooting currently because of said attempt. Then Celestine says Katarinya… and automatically trusts that it's her and goes along with said plan. THEN !!! WHEN Celestine mentions there's an Inquisitor here she knows and trusts the music starts sparkling?? IT'S WRITING ITSELF I CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP !!!

Greyfaxs assistant was sososo funny so he gets a mention here.

When Greyfax points out that it's odd that the Emperor would bring Celestine to protect just one guy and Celestine laughs in response. I really enjoyed their banter in this audio drama as it didn't feel like it was with malice. It was very much reasonable for Greyfax to point out but also I do enjoy the fact that Celestine comes back with equal energy. It's a fun dynamic and it feels like they both keep each other on their toes. 

Celestine correctly calls out Greyfax about leaving her assistant with the guy they were protecting but in the most endearing tone of voice possible. 

This part, oh my goodness, THIS PART. When Greyfax and Celestine get into another one of their spats. Celestine tells Greyfax to have faith which she responds with to who? The emperor or humanity? WHICH CELESTINE GOES IN ME for starters. Like my jaw was on the floor, what in the yuri?? Faith in her?? She wants Greyfax to find faith. in. HER. Like I need a minute holy moly that's yea… yea… AND I WILL GET BACK TO THIS LATER.

Celestine basically becoming an Astronomicon for the most sopping wet cat Navigator I must add. Greyfax was against it but when she sees her shining brightly outside the ship she goes “Just as I saw her on Cadia…” it's really a shame I didn't write down the whole line because it was a lot gayer than that. In my notes I just have “A SHINING VEIL” written in all caps and I know Greyfax described Celestine as that but much more elegantly. I cannot make this shit up. I cannot.

This next bit had me cackling and I would love to explore their dynamic more in scenes like this but when Celestine is rushing into battle and Greyfax comes on the vox and says “One or two alive would be nice.” and Celestine laughs and says she'll try. This is followed up by Celestine basically scruffing the two enemies who gave her sass while saying “I know an Inquisitor who would like to talk to you!” Like she's… such a dork… I love her so much the image has not left my head. “You will suffer the wrath of Inquisitor Greyfax!” LIKE I LOVE HER DHDKSNKSND 

ALSO here feels like a good place to mention Celestine only calls Greyfax by Katarinya to her face and I think that's sweet personally. 

The robes scene we all know about and it's absolutely insane that it happened. I cannot believe its canon. What were those doing there Greyfax??? CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP 

THE INTERROGATION SCENE !! Can we just talk about what a power duo Celefax is because wow they worked so well together here!! Personally I'm still laughing about the prisoner shouting to get that witch away from her and Greyfax basically going Oh Celestine? She stays ^_^ and Celestine immediately bouncing off her to go: It must be the emperor's holy light piercing your soul >:) Like they are the power couple ever fr

Greyfax yelling at the Black Templars then doing a complete 180 with her tone to be like Celestine can you help us perhaps? 

Greyfax basically breaking into Celestine's room after she doesn't answer her vox. Immediately Greyfax can tell something is wrong too by the look on Celestine's face and I just.. I cannot make this shit u

I will be real, I might have misinterpreted this scene as I don't really remember the details but Celestine becomes a beacon again and Greyfax while not having any personal faith to give still does everything in her power to protect Celestine. Like Greyfax personally beefs with a daemon so Celestine can focus I'm pretty sure at this bit. That's how it came off to me at least and at the end of it Greyfax admits that perhaps Celestine is really blessed. 

Greyfax arguing with the Black Templar Marshall and Celestine goes “Katarinya, is now really the time for this?” Ever so calmly that Greyfax IMMEDIATELY is like no and backs off. I don't even know what to say at this point like she got her to calm down THAT QUICKLY.

One bit of the focus scene I feel like we haven't focused on enough (pun intended). Is the fact before the device breaks when Greyfax goes into it she specifically thinks of Celestine to stay calm. I HAVE NEVER MET A GAYER WOMAN (and I am one!!) 

This being followed up by Celestine literally breaking into Greyfaxs room to make sure she's ok. “Wake up Katarinya it's me!” I adore busting each other's doors down is a recurring thing between them. However for the doors sake I might have a suggestion for both of them that'll get me shot on sight! 

The focus scene could literally have its own post genuinely because WOW. Celestine going “Trust me, Katarinya.” “Show a little faith.” Like Greyfax is putty in her hands practically and you can't tell me otherwise. THE KNEELING TOGETHER?? GREYFAX APOLOGIZING IN THE MOST VULNERABLE TONE WE'VE HEARD FROM HER?? Can't make it up just losing my freaking mind!!! It being said specifically we are the gauntlet and the fist. Ya know, we… like both of them… I'm so normal. There is no heterosexual explanation for anything that goes on in this scene. “I believe you, I believe in you Katarinya!”

Next time they rush into battle Celestine jokes “No prisoners this time, Katarinya?” I love her, your honor.

So for the climax now when Celestine gets taken prisoner and her wings start turning black has about equally as much to discuss. So first Greyfax immediately calls out to Celestine and encourages her to fight through it. “By Throne I won't let this happen!” She says literally!! They took her gf dammit!! Celestine asks Greyfax to keep her safe. Greyfax literally saying “I won't let you take her!” Like without just quoting a bunch of stuff from this part I like how this was like a culmination of their progress together. Genuinely this scene was awesome and to see Greyfax fight so hard out of genuine care for Celestine was EVERYTHING !! As well as we see how much trust Celestine puts into Greyfax at this moment. And the kicker of it all is when they inevitably have to kill Celestine, its Greyfax who yells at Longinus to have faith. LIKE she did it, she said it, she has faith in Celestine. I love this moment so much it's crazy. 

Longinus not knowing that Celestine revives is genuinely one of the funniest bits in the drama because Greyfax is so incredibly smug about it. “I'm surprised by this gap in your knowledge.” Like the way she says it??? Yea she knows all things Celestine and she's gonna rub it in your face apparently !! I need more of this desperately PLEASE.

Greyfax asking Celestine what she's going to do to the heretic for Celestine to basically be like you know exactly what I'm going to do. (And that she does! The ending genuinely could have not been any funnier)

So in conclusion to my ramble:

[nyxi-pixie]

me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again

let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)

'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).

and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.

i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.

so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.

and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.

i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.

dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.

its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.

even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.

now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.

then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).

i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.

so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).

i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.

(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).

anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)

so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.

but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)

dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)

they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!

in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.

anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.

i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.

anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.

mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.

but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).

so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (sskk. atsushi&lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).

im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.

yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.

[the-darrel-egglectic]

KRISP‼️

I've been enjoying this much messier artstyle of mine :D

Also wanted to draw them with a skirt but it blended to much with the cape :( this world is cruel

God I could rant for hours this person, they are just so cool I love them sm uffucucjvjvjcjsus

[good-vs-evo]

not to expose myself as a cavetown fan (HDJFJS) but i was listening to alone from his new album (i added it to xie lian’s playlist a while ago) and it hit like so much harder now that i finished the books

⚠️ spoilers for book 6!! (i think) (white calamity arc) (anyways) ⚠️

"I feel like I bought all my friends Am I your bud or your boss?"

this one reminds me of when mq left and xl started kind of panicking. he thought mq left because he didn't care enough to stay now that he wasn't getting paid, and gave his last valuable possession in an attempt to ensure that he would stay. he doesn't have a great sense of whether or not what he had with mq and fx was friendship (IT WAS BECAUSE I SAID SO AND BECAUSE THEY SHOW EACH OTHER SO MANY TIMES THAT THEY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER) and he thought he had to keep paying fx off.

but fx was genuinely sticking around because he was loyal and because he cared about what happened to xl :(

"I'm wanting to beg 'em to stay I'm wanting to be who they choose But still I keep pushing away From people I don't wanna lose"

xl truly did not want to lose fx after everything that happened. he lived in that constant state of fear that fx would disappear and he'd be alone, and did so much to try to make sure it wouldn't happen.

in the end, the anxiety and fear was too much for him and he pushed fx away for good. he described the feeling of freedom of that fall. he was the one to cut fx off and make him leave, and it gave him the power. he made the decision and he made the final move, and when fx left he didn't ever have to think about how he might've felt if fx was the one who left him of his own will.

"Isn't it fun to be alone? Isn't it what you want? Isn't it something you've been looking for? Isn't it fun?"

after slowly pushing everyone away and ending up entirely alone, and after everything that happened with wu ming, xl would've never admitted that it wasn't really what he wanted. not after wu ming. so he kept acting like that was what he wanted, like he wasn't feeling lonely, like it didn't hurt, because he wanted to feel pain and suffer for everything that he took as his own blame. he saw it as his fault, all a product of his own foolishness and selfishness and naivety, so the loneliness he chased was his curse to bear.

SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE OR. IS INACCURATE. I'M JUST YK GOING INSANE W MY THOUGHTS JAHSDGFASD

[spaciebabie]

does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.

[skitskatdacat63]

And here is the bull himself >:)

+ lore notes

I was like, ah I should make the shadow something interesting, and then I'm like GIVE HIM BULL HORNS???? OKAY SURE !!!!! I'm glad such thoughts can strike at 7 in the morning....thanks brain. But hehehe I'm glad bcs now this matches up super well with the Nando one!

New ship dynamic: who's the bull and who's the matador :)

I think, in this AU, Fernando is generally pretty fond of Seb when he first meets him. Like "ah yes my very own protégé, very nice, I shall mold him in my image." But then Seb starts veering off that course. Bullfighting is all about being dramatic, but Seb maybe has a bit too much(🤏) flair for the dramatic. This escalation starts while he's still Fernando's assistant but he keeps it generally at bay. But god when he becomes a matador himself, he's just off the rails insane.

Bullfighting, to me, is a sport about reckless endangerment of one's self in the pursuit of drama and performance(its literally described as a tragedy in three acts.) But Fernando thinks Seb endangers himself *too* much, not because he cares or anything, but he's making a mockery of the sport!! Especially when Seb starts doing that bull hand symbol(seen above), Fernando just keeps become more enraged with him, not anything to do with the fact that Seb is threatening his records and threatening his own wellbeing, nah of course not.

Seb's gesture is making a mockery of the sport, he's disrespecting the culture, the very nature of it, blah blah blah. Jenson once asks Fernando, after noticing him seething while watching Seb do his gesture, "Which bull are you really trying to defeat?" One could also describe Fernando and Seb's relationship as a "tragedy with three acts."

Anyways Fernando gets very tied up with this rivalry. Even after suffering a severe injury(I have yet to decide, but y'know mchonda electrocution core), he quickly returns to the sport, loath to let Seb get any more headway. And then Seb gets injured, poor little sweet Seb, and neither of them can handle it. Though I already covered this in my prev lore post 🤭 and I think I put it pretty viscerally there so!! I digress.

They're both matadors, but the bull itself is not the only bull Fernando wants to conquer. Conquer as in death? Hm.