#gods the weird mix of obligation

[viviantimmet]

Dream Journal 6/15/2023:

there is an orange and white ball python behind the bookshelf. I feed it, and take a photo, where you can see the two geckos it has swallowed beneath its skin. Wait What? But I had to give Koy away! On a second glance, it is just a giant lizard, which is fine, sometimes there are giant lizards. PSYCHE there's both, the snake has just left. It is perhaps some offspring of Koy (that is never something I question too deeply in my snake dreams). It is crawling about, leaving bloody streaks on the floor(??!!). Its movement is weaving and wobbly, its head at an odd angle, sort of collapsed. The blood is from its heatpits, smeared down its chin and belly. Dad appears in the hallway. We converse. The snake looks more and more broken. I assent to putting it out of its misery. Dad holds it down by the neck and crushes its misshapen skull beneath his heel.

[alittlebitofsainz]

a place in this world (carlos’ version)

Chapter 2: Enchanted

an invite to dinner with team 55, a weekend where your driver doesn’t even start the race, a late night hotel room visit to lift both your spirits. life is a rollercoaster, as they say.

pairing: carlos sainz x f!reader, slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers, angst/comfort if you squint

warnings: the usual swearing

a/n: yes I know the sainz family would probably never rent a holiday villa on villaplus dot com, I just needed a quick link to fit the texts in the story

masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

13th August, 2020

three days to the Spanish GP

two weeks. that’s how long it had been since carlos sainz had last texted your number. well, one week and six days. not that you were counting, or anything.

you’d seen him in between, of course, for the 70th anniversary grand prix at silverstone, and this weekend for the spanish gp, which had gone markedly better than the two in the uk. he’d scoffed when he’d seen his name in your phone: cs55? is that all I am to you, a pair of initials and a number? it had been playful, of course, but you wondered whether there was a part of him that had been genuinely hurt - you could swear you’d heard it in his voice. but then it was your turn: y/n engineer? what, in case you mix me up with other other y/ns you know? and that was how you’d ended up changing each others contact names (and, of course, carlos had insisted on taking a photo of you to add to your contact details, and you felt obliged to reciprocate, so now you were greeted with his goofy, lop sided smile every time you opened your messages app. a fact you weren’t exactly mad about).

you weren’t exactly mad about the message which confronted you right now, either - surprised, confused and once again intrigued were more appropriate words that sprung to mind. your mind was going into overdrive. dinner? with carlos? like, out in public? surely the rumour mill would go absolutely mental: carlos sainz spotted with mysterious brunette at restaurant in barcelona. but if he seemed to think it was a good idea…

one week and six days, that’s how long it had been since carlos sainz had felt that feeling of relief, of letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, when she texted him back.

as he’d reread his text over and over after sending it, he realised that it very much sounded like he was asking her on a date, god forbid. In reality, he was going out with a group of mates from his team at mclaren, and seeing as she’d mentioned that she’d never been to barcelona before, he’d only wondered if she’d wanted to join them so she could see some of the city. he was starting to wonder whether perhaps he should’ve lead with that fact.

but it hadn’t seemed to have phased her, thank god, although carlos would’ve given a pretty penny to know what was going through her head right now. in fact, he seemed to wish to know what was going on inside her head most days recently, her paradox being that she seemed so straightforward yet complex at the same time. how could a girl who was such an open book still be such a mystery to him?

a group meal. of course. of course! that made so much more sense, a thousand times more sense in fact. why had your mind immediately leapt to some weird, intimate, romantic dinner date with carlos when the obvious explanation was staring you right in the face? do you want to come for dinner with me and the team, seeing as you are in fact part of the team was so much more normal than hey, I’ve known you for five months and I’m a world famous, very wealthy formula one driver, would you, a regular degular race engineer from the south east of england, like to go on a date with me? yeah, no, you’d been a grade a idiot for that one. was there a small part of you that was disappointed? you decided that now was not the time to overanalyse your own feelings; now was the time to find an outfit.

carlos couldn’t hide the grin on his face, all the way to the restaurant. it only started to falter when they arrived bang on 8 o’clock, and then waited, 8:04, and waited, 8:07 and waited, 8:11. it reappeared again when she rounded the corner, slightly flustered and breathless.

“god, I’m so sorry, I got lost.” she apologised with a deep inhale, trying to get her breath back. carlos shook his head and chuckled, the sound low in his throat.

“don’t worry about it. we haven’t been waiting long.” he reassured her. it almost surprised him; usually he would take any opportunity to tease her, especially for being late like she so always was. But there was something about the way her cheeks were flushed that shade of red that gave away that she’d been rushing, and the way her eyes flicked nervously, apologetically, from person to person, that made him feel almost guilty. and when she offered him the warmest, sweetest, most grateful smile he thought he’d ever seen, carlos’ face lit up like a christmas tree.

he pulled her seat out for her when they reached their table, making sure to choose one next to him. an expression crossed her face as she whispered a ‘thank you’ that carlos had never seen before from her - was she nervous? shy? he couldnt put a finger on it. perhaps it was the fact that she didn’t know the rest of the people at the table that well - yes, that must be it. so why, when he knew everyone at this table, and very well he might add, was he feeling the exact same way?

“woah, this place is gorgeous.” 

a marbled kitchen adorned your phone screen, and you swiped to the next photo to see a similarly tiled, much smaller room. wow, even the bathroom was fancy.

“and you go here every year?” you continued, swiping again and again to reveal several photos of the master bedroom, all from different angles. you and carlos had been discussing family holidays whilst you all waited for your plates to be cleared, and he’d decided to show you, rather than tell you, about the holiday villa that he and his family often frequented on the costa blanca.

“not every year. as often as we can get out there, though.”

his breath tickled your neck as he leaned over your shoulder to watch as you continued to flick through the photos, the glistening aquamarine pool so large it took up the whole screen, the pale blue glow reflecting on your face. you both leaned back for a moment to allow the waitress to clear the empty dinner plates, before returning your attention to your phone. there was a loud laugh from down the other end of the table, clearly a hilarious conversation was happening between the rest of the group - you both seemed oblivious to it.

“well, it’s no costa blanca, but we love it there.”

carlos’ eyes crinkled at the edges as he grinned, now swiping through pictures on his phone. he let out a chuckle at her comment, as he swiped to reveal the kitchen, a tiny little alcove with slightly dated wooden cupboards and curtains on the windows that were covered in pictures of farm animals.

“where did you say it was again?” carlos asked, fingers swiping again, this time showing a picture of the dining area. his eyes were focused on the french doors at the back of the room, leading out to a patio and a small garden, but beyond that was absolute nothingness - just trees and open sky as far as the eye could see.

“north yorkshire. it’s like, five hours north of london.” she explained, knowing that london was really the only point of reference carlos had when it came to england. she reached out a finger, swiping on his phone to reveal the next picture.

“and that-“ she pointed to a railway line, a large, old fashioned steam train in the process of chugging up the hill, frozen in time by the image. “- is why we go there.”

“and that’s right outside the cottage?”

“and that’s right outside the cottage.” she repeated back to him, an almost proud smile on her face. it was the little things that made her smile. 

“that’s really cool.” carlos replied, almost surprising himself by how genuinely he meant that. since when had he been impressed by a tiny two bed cottage in the countryside, with nothing around but trees, hills and a steam train? but when her eyes lit up, her face cracking into a grin, he understood what had changed.

“really?” she asked, the same hint of surprise lacing her voice.

“really.” he replied, glancing up to meet her eyes. “I never got to explore much of the english countryside, and now I’m moving to italy I guess I probably won’t be able to.”

“I always saw you as more of a city guy.” she picked up her wine glass by the stem as she spoke, giving it a small swirl before tipping the wine glass back and taking a final sip, finishing the drink. carlos mirrored her, considering his reply.

“I don’t think I could live in the country.” he explained, “but it’s a nice escape from everything.”

“yeah,” she set her wine glass back down, a small, imperceptible sigh escaping her lips, “I know exactly what you mean.”

30th August 2020, Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps

Belgian Grand Prix, DNS

you stared into the mirror on the wall of the bathroom you were getting changed in, and found your scowling face staring back at you. in the past four races, your driver had had rotten luck in three of them, and you could tell how frustrating it was getting for him, and you.

which was why you were surprised when you took out your phone from your pocket and read his message. you were sure he’d leave as soon as he could, which was half the reason you’d disappeared off to the bathrooms to get changed out of your overalls and into a pair of jeans, grand ideas of heading back to the hotel and catching the latest episode of love island going round in your head.

but carlos was staying? you loathed him for it - you now felt you ought to stay too, pulling your top on over your head and combing through your hair in the mirror before grabbing your things and heading out into the corridor. but as you stalked back towards the garage, a thundercloud still hanging fairly low over your head, you realised that you also admired him for it. not everyone would stick around after failing to even start the race. heck, the majority of drivers probably couldn’t be out the door fast enough. but there was something about carlos sainz. 

she was there before he’d even had time to pull out his phone, all fake smiles and an ingenuine spring in her step. faint, fading creases around her eyebrows were the only indicators that she’d ever been frowning, ever let herself be unhappy about the situation, now being replaced with new lines from forcing her lips to curve upwards just like that. how come carlos had only known her, what, five months now, and yet he felt like he knew her so well?

“hey.” he greeted simply as she made her way over to the monitors where carlos was stood, a pair of orange headphones around her neck, the same as he had round his. as she came to stand next to him, he threw an arm round her shoulders, squeezing her into a side hug. was he imagining things, or did she lean oh-so-delicately into his touch? the next moment she was pulling away, looking him square in the eye.

“you okay?” she asked softly.

“not really, you?”

“no, not at all.”

and then they were both smiling, almost laughing, all curved lips and sparkling eyes, nothing fake or ingenuine about their expressions. how did she always manage to do that? turn such a shitty situation on its head, leave carlos smiling when all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole and avoid everyone for a very long time? as he looked at her, really looked at her, he was beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, he had the same effect on her.

you’d used that phrase a few weeks ago, after the second race at silverstone, the second thirteenth place in a row, and now carlos couldn’t stop using it. you’d noticed him picking up a lot of your phrases and mannerisms recently, his friends teasing him whenever he pulled out a ‘swings and roundabouts’, or god forbid a slap on the thigh and a call of ‘right!’ to announce that it was time to leave. they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

it was several hours after the race had concluded; you were now bundled up in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, splayed out on your bed mindlessly scrolling through instagram when his message came through. you were becoming increasingly less surprised every time carlos texted you, a level of understanding developing between you that you enjoyed each other’s company, and you wagered that you could both do with some cheering up round about now. 

it had been a bit of a long shot, carlos realised. the two of them had never hung out one on one outside of the events of the race weekend, but right now there was no one else he’d rather speak to, rather while away the hours of the evening watching all the trash tv they’d spoken about over dinner a few weeks ago. no matter how frequently he messaged her nowadays, he still always got butterflies when she texted back.

it wasn’t even five minutes before she was knocking at his door, the orange of her mclaren sweatshirt picking up the flecks of amber in her eyes, still somehow shining through even in the low light. since when had he started to take notice of things like that?

her presence lit up the room immediately, both metaphorically and physically.

“anyone would think you’re a vampire, considering how many times I’ve found you sitting alone in the dark.” she chastised as she flicked on the lamp in the corner, adding a soft warm glow to carlos’ hotel room. he chuckled.

“can you blame me?”

his tone was light, a soft smile across his lips, but there was a hint of sadness to his voice which gave him away. her own smile faltered, as she went over to join him sitting on the bed. she sat shoulder to shoulder with him, as she had done on the pitwall earlier, watching the remainder of the race in companiable silence; the warmth seemed to radiate through carlos’ body from the spot where her upper arm met his, as it had done then as well.

“no, I suppose not.”

she sighed, brushing a stray strand of hair off of her forehead. carlos turned to look at her; she appeared to be thinking before she finally spoke.

“you know, I admire what you did today.”

“what, not start the race?”

that earned him a playful bump to the shoulder and a small, musical laugh.

“no! no, I mean staying around to watch the race. not many drivers would do that in your position.” the corners of her mouth still twitched with the remnants of the way he’d made her laugh, but he could sense some sort of sincerity behind her words. he shrugged his shoulders, as if trying to shrug off the swelling sense of pride he was feeling as it sunk in: she admired him.

“I’m sure many drivers would have done the same thing. I’m not special.” he replied, feeling suddenly very humble under her gaze. she shook her head, the movement almost immediate.

“you are special.” her voice caught in her throat slightly at the first word, causing the other two to come out quietly, her voice almost a whisper. if the room hadn’t been completely silent, carlos might have been able to convince himself that he hadn’t heard them, that he’d imagined it. 

they spent the rest of the evening as he’d imagined it - talking about anything and everything whilst netflix took them through episode after episode of selling sunset in the background. it was nearly midnight by the time she returned to her own room, latching her arms round his neck as she said goodnight to him with an embrace. her hair tickled his nose; he swore he could still feel it now, even when he was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, several hotel rooms separating them. her words were still going round in his head. he reckoned they probably would stay there for quite some time.

you are special. you are special. you are special.

taglist: @itsjustkhaos

message/comment if you want to be added!

[icallhimjoey]

what about aftercare with joe after you've asked him to be a little rougher than usual?

okay it took me like 3 hours of talking to SEVERAL PEOPLE to think of a way to make this work for my lil soft baby joey and... i think i got it. So, i gotchu babe (also, tw: choking, blacking out) Wordcount: 1.8K

---

Promise Me Both Ways

"What the fuck, what the fuck, hey, wake up, wake up,"

You heard Joe's voice far away, barely even there. Everything was sort of... fuzzy. It felt like you were under water and you couldn't really feel your own weight. T'was nice. Blissful. A peaceful place void of issues, no negativity but just... warmth. And tingles.

You were completely unaware to Joe's panicked frantic hands that softly tapped against your cheeks before they curled around the back of your skull to tip it up a little, making sure you were breathing properly.

"Shit, shit, shit," Joe mumbled, his voice going up in pitch with every word and his limbs fumbling, slinging blankets back because they were all in the way, and nothing was really helping.

Joe knew this was a bad idea.

He should've never let you talk him into it. You'd been agitating him all night, really doing your best to piss him off properly and you hoped he wouldn't catch on. Would just get angry, all mad and frustrated. You knew a beautiful place for all that pent up energy to go.

But then he had caught on, and you'd been forced to talk about things. Like boring adults.

"What's gotten into you?" Joe couldn't help but chuckle slightly, and his face held a weird mix of confusion and annoyance as he smiled. It made you decide to just go ahead and tell him.

"Kind of like it when you're upset a little,"

"When I'm upset?"

"Mmhmm, makes you... I don't know, grab at me harder,"

Joe just looked at you, but you saw that curtain of lust slowly come down.

"Throw me around with a little less care," you continued, voice soft like velvet. "You know, when you bite at me? Yea, I like it when you do that,"

It took literal seconds for Joe to push you down into the mattress. And sure, Joe had heard you, and he tried to be rougher than he usually was. Smacked your ass a bit harder, squeezed at your flesh a bit more. But when you reached for his hand and placed it around your throat, he halted.

"Come on," you coaxed, all breathy with want. "Squeeze,"

Joe pushed his hand down, instantly closing off your windpipe and making you cough. He immediately pulled his hand away, afraid he'd done something wrong and had hurt you.

"No, baby, the sides. Here, look," you placed a hand over his and placed it back, feeding pressure over his finger tips on the sides of your neck. "Yea, yea, keep– keep pressing there,"

And Joe had done.

Joe had pressed his fingers there and had started moving again, and had pulled unearthly noises from you until you started feeling deliciously lightheaded. A little disorientated. It was a bit of a trip, but the power imbalance was weirdly hot. With your wits miles away, clear thinking left far behind, you egged it on. Unsafely so. But you wanted more of it. Needed more.

Joe noticed, was entirely unsure about it, but Jesus... look at you. He just needed to look to know he was doing something good. Joe had held you by the throat before, but had never been quite so deliberate about it. About blocking off the blood flow to your brain. He'd never dare to even think to do such a thing – not without your consent anyway.

But holy hell, you were into this, overtaken with thick and foggy desire. You growled at Joe to squeeze tighter. To speed up. To give you more. And Joe obliged, because oh my God, he could feel that you were about to come.

You demanded Joe to give you more, and more, and Joe gave you more, and more.

Until your eyes rolled back, and you blacked out.

Gone.

Joe had immediately stopped. And then, immediately panicked.

You were only out for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime.

Joe's heart was racing, his thoughts going at a million miles an hour. It was quite literally the exact opposite of what you had going. Staring at the ceiling, you widened your eyes a few times. The room was swaying softy from side to side and you couldn't really focus. You felt dizzy, but divine, and then blinked your eyes until everything shot back into focus and the ringing in your ears was replaced by the sound of Joe freaking out.

Fuck. That was amazing.

Rocked to his core, Joe didn't know how to read your face. Were you okay? Did he take it too far? Was that even safe? Did either of you really know what you were doing? What you'd just done?

You were covered in a sort of cold layer of sweat, and you trembled a little, and fuck. Shit. This was Joe's doing and all he could feel inside was guilt and regret and worry.

"Are you all right? Tell me you're okay, I– water, you need some wate– sugar!" Joe scrambled out of the bed and ran to the kitchen.

"Baby, I'm fine," you tried, voice soft, but loud enough for Joe to hear. It wasn't enough to convince Joe.

He'd just choked his girlfriend until she passed out.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He returned with a glass of water and a banana.

"I'm okay, I'm– that was– Joe, stop,"

Joe was quite literally about to force a chunk of banana into your mouth. You took hold of Joe's wrists with weak hands, and it just convinced Joe more that you very much weren't okay, despite what you were telling him.

"Please, have a bite. It'll make me feel better,"

With Joe hovering over you, you hesitated for a moment before you let him feed you. Joe carefully placed a small bit of broken off banana into your mouth with his index finger and his thumb, and you noticed he was trying his best to keep his hands steady. After, you let Joe assist you in sipping on some water. You saw how his eyes were trained on your throat as you swallowed.

"Joe, that was–"

"I'm so sorry,"

Oh my God, Joe was the fucking cutest person alive ever. You were about to say that you fucking loved every single second of what had just transpired.

"I'm fine. Really, I'm okay,"

Joe absolutely didn't buy it. He looked like a lost child, a little. Or one who just got caught doing something he didn't know was going to upset his parents. It was painfully endearing.

"Come here," you reached for Joe who instantly embraced you. "I'm all right, I promise I'm all right,"

You shifted and scooted until you were both comfortably lying down, arms around each other, Joe's face pressed into your neck where he nosed along your jaw and placed soft kisses onto soft skin.

For a short moment, it was silent.

Then suddenly, Joe released a pained breath he'd been holding in.

"Fuck, that really scared me,"

You hugged tighter.

"Are you sure you’re all right? Jesus Christ," Joe lined up his thumb over a particular spot to check. "That's, I'm so sorry, that's my literal thumb print,"

"Does it look bruised?"

"I don't know, it's definitely red, though,"

Joe trailed his finger over it lovingly, then, horrified, found more red marks on the other side of your neck and groaned. You couldn't help but giggle a little.

"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. Next time, we'll make sure to stop before–"

"Never make me do that again,"

Your face dropped and you moved slightly to be able to look Joe in the eye. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and it felt a little absurd to you.

"Baby," you chuckled nervously, little to no humour behind it, but hoping Joe would break and would laugh with you. "Are you all right?"

He didn't. Instead scrunched his brows up, and said, "This isn't funny," all cold and flat. "This is how people get brain damage, don't they?" He looked away for a moment, and when he made eye-contact again, his eyes were all glassy and it broke your heart a little.

All over a little choking, you thought.

"Joe, you're not going to cry over doing something I asked you to do,"

Your words didn't help at all, so you reached and caressed Joe's cheek with a hand which Joe immediately moved to press kisses into your palm. Upon the closing of his eyes, water escaped down his face and you laughed softly as you winced at the sight. "No, please, don't cry, I really loved it, I was– I was only out for a second, it's okay,"

You used a thumb to catch a tear.

"Please, don't cry,"

Joe sniffed before rubbing his reddened face, and you leant in to kiss him which Joe immediately accepted as a way of making up.

"I promise I'll never make you do that again," you whispered into his lips.

Delicate kisses quickly became concerningly not delicate until you pulled back and Joe mumbled some stupid things about needing to keep you safe.

You kind of wanted to tell him to shut up. You really were honestly fine. But it was clear Joe wasn't, so you let him ramble for a moment. Mumble words into your neck as he grasped to hug you tighter than he normally would.

"Turn around," you suddenly spoke up, and for a moment, Joe froze entirely.

"Come on, roll over,"

Your hands guided Joe to lay on his side where you turned him into the little spoon to your big spoon. Joe held onto the arms that you curled around his side and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry," Joe then said again, but it was different that time.

"Me too," you replied, and felt Joe relax more into your embrace.

You pressed your cheek into Joe's shoulder and tensed your leg around his thigh and hoped Joe would feel encased with your loving care. Hoped he'd fall asleep feeling warm and reassured, all protected, without any regrets.

It worked.

"Joey," you said after a little while, voice more serious than before because you had something important to say. "Promise me something?"

"Mmhmm," Joe was close to sleep, seconds removed from drifting off.

"Don't just... don't just do things you don't feel comfortable with, just because you think I would like them, all right?"

Consent went both ways.

Joe moved a little and brought one of your hands up to his mouth to press a kiss to it. Then two hands worked to open your palm that he then placed onto his cheek to nuzzle into.

This man was adorable.

"Promise me," you said after you felt Joe smile.

"Okay, I promise." Joe croaked, voice heavy, but content.

You couldn't help but smile into his shoulder in response before you let sleep overtake you fully.

----

The Taglisted: 

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(taglist currently full, sorry)

[mahi-wayy]

𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐘𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐀 | 𝑩𝑨𝑯𝑼𝑩𝑨𝑳𝑰

Royalties are nothing but larger than life families with larger than life cracks in them.

___________________

When a series of weird events that end in a murder and attempt to murder on the royal family, shakes the very core of one of the strongest kingdom there is no choice but look for what's going wrong.

The question is when the external threats mix with internal damages can there even be a solution out of his mess?

| C H A R A C T E R S |

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐑 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍

"Love is the remedy that works on the deadliest of diseases."

"When you love, you have every right and obligation to stand by that love."

"Every second chance given is a prove of the heart that beats for her."

"Not every love is for the golden things, sometimes you adore a simple stone like a God."

| W A R N I N G S |

Dysfunctional family

Violence and blood.

Character deaths.

Childhood trauma.

Depression and anxiety attack.

Gaslighting.

Smut.

Harsh Language.

I'm gonna make up some history about Mahishmati.

| D I S C L A I M E R |

This book is a spin off to the Bahubaali movie series, I don't own the movie or the actors or the characters except for OCs. The following work is fiction and does not relate to any place or person in real life.

The rights to "Priyatama" belongs to @/mahi-wayy (on tumblr).

🚫DO NOT COPY IT🚫

Constructive criticism is welcomed but no unnecessary hate will be tolerated. The playlist for the book is available on my spotify, link in the bio. Hope you enjoy the book.

- Mahi✨️

-----------------

taglist : @vijayasena @voidsteffy @jkdaddy01 @mayakimayahai @mellaga-karagani @warnermeadowsgirl @allari-ammayi @rambheem-is-real [let me know if you wanna be added or removed!!]

[ganondoodle]

so its part of a way longer post i made some days ago but i want to highlight this part of it:

"i cant stop thinking about the devs saying sth like "after botw zelda wondered if the kingdom of hyrule needed to keep existing the way it had been before the calamity, but then totk happens" bc it just feels like they realized too late that botw naturally led into questioning the status quo and they scrambled to fit it back into a flat and boring road we have seen so many times before (or even worse really) with totk zeldas character naturally leads into her questioning and reexamine their history and set of rules? we gotta teach her a lesson of why she is importante god given monarchy girl that has to keep it bc what if evil brown man shows up again for no reason maybe im grasping at straws here but looking at it this way the sonau .. make more "sense"; the shiekah were a group that was under the rule of the royal family, and misstreated before (oh no look soemthing interesting) so they dont lend themselves well to be used for teaching zelda that lesson- the sonau however are tailored really to be just that; they are a supposedly godly race from the literal sky that founded this version of hyrule, that had tech even more advanced and better than the shiekah, she gets put in the past to meet the perfect god king of goodness personally, also his very fridgy wifey that zelda later replaces in a way, shes put there and treated like family and then gets to see just how evil that evil big man from the desert is, sonia is falcon-punched to death solely so zelda can feel obligated to take over her role, have her new, better 'family' hurt by gan; similarly so raurus sacrifice, look what a noble and good king he is, he payed the ultimate price to lock that evil man away, now zelda you cannot let their sacrifice go to waste, rebuild that divinely good kingdom like it was!!"

bc it feels like i finally "cracked the code" of why the sonau feel both like a reskinned version of the shikeah .. while also not at all to me, so shoved into every single corner of the game and its history (not even the forgotten temple being safe from them sure is .... also something, like them being spread all over hyrule, not just the undergound, but the surface AND sky as well isnt weird enough, the shiekah at least were integrated into the world and by far not as idolized as the sonau)

seeing the sonau like this ""better"" and more """perfect"" version of the shiekah bc they are untainted by any possible complicated relationships with especially the royal family (the sonau ARE the prefect, idyllic royal family of the past after all) makes them make so much more "sense" to me, they are a bad mix of OOTs and botws structure, sure, but the way they were done in the game i cannot for the life of me see it as that being their sole problem

(also looking at how shiekah tech was downgraded to some side gimick of purah ... idk if they ever even call it shiekah at all anymore, and if "all sheikah tech just vanished" like the devs said then ... how does any of that still exist huh? it doesnt add up at all except if you see it as the sonau being the ""better"" version of the shiekah with none of the "problematic" parts or history or conenctions (which would be .. interesting) bc they are supposed to represent that idyllic past zelda should feel obligated to recreate now, to uphold that sweet status quo ..

sidenote: someone on the post i talked about his before said its also dumbo that there is supposedly no connection at all between the shiekah and sonau, and yes! that was something i ranted about while i was still playing the game back in may even (most of my later gameplay at some point devolves into a rant about how stupid it is that there is no connection and instead its all just ... gone) bc its just ... so dumb

its also how i chose to integrate the sonau better into the world in my totk rewrite stuff, that they were once there aand had high tech but its by now only crumbs left with nothing funtcioning anymore but you discover that at the time of the ancient shiekah finding it it was still researchable and they build their tech based on the sonau ruins even if the sonau stuff is nothing but dust anymore- which i find a super ... obvious way to give the sonau a better connection to the existing world, keep the shiekah, expand upon their mystery while also still keepign them as such-

.... anyway, there beign no connection at all somehow also fits even more into my theory of the sonau, again, being there solely to represent the idyllic, perfect past zelda needs to feel obligated to rebuild while the shiekah are nothign but a funney gimick of purah now while everything else "just vanished" somehow bc we dont wanna deal with the shiekahs imperfect past so they really should be just a a helpful helper of the rocals (and the yiga a side note as a little threat to be different from the usual monsters but thats all that there is :)))) -

this is getting too long again .. feel free to add your two cents on it and if seeign the sonau like this makes them make more 'sense' to you too

[evermourning]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 - seo changbin

pairing: seo changbin x reader, lovertober entry iv

genre: fluff, comfort, slice of life, established relationship

wc: 4.7k

warnings: TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF., gender neutral pronouns used, hubby binnie, pet names (binnie, baby, honey, love), some sweet crack moments, dirty jokes (1), lots of kisses, language, non-sexual nudity, domestic binnie <3

a/n: this is my formal apology for second best. also, please don't diss my songwriting skills...i'm a writer, not a songwriter 😭😭 ^^

for many years, you had loved seo changbin.

it felt like from the moment you met him, he was destined to be the man slipping a beautiful ring onto your finger. he was so perfect to you, and you were excited to spend the rest of your life with him.

you had been married four seasons, and each one was better than the last. god, you loved him. you loved him because with his arrival in your once dreary and bleak life, he brought a gust of fresh air, filled to the brim with complete adoration for you.

in the winter, snowflakes danced in their descent towards the earth, painting your windowpane with a layer of frost. however, inside was quite the opposite. changbin had made the fire, crackling and bright as it emanated warmth and adding a cozy ambience to the living room.

just nearby, a grandiose evergreen tree adorned with glittering ornaments stood alone, early christmas presents littering its skirt. you sat on the couch alongside your husband (god, it felt like the butterflies in your stomach were taking flight just thinking that he was yours now), the two of you wrapped in a blanket, boasting warm, steaming mugs of hot chocolate. changbin had just taken a large sip of it, resulting in a sweet mustache above his lip.

"baby, i didn't know you've been growing a mustache." you giggled. when he heard you, he gingerly placed a finger to his lip.

"oh." he wiped it off, his cheeks pink. you frowned at his flustered reaction.

"don't be embarrassed, binnie. you looked so cute, i was melting."

"so is your whipped cream. if you keep yapping, it'll sink into the chocolate and then it won't be worth it. at least let me have some." when you obliged, handing him your mug, he took the spoon from his, scooping up a big, kinda soggy marshmallow. "say ahh!"

you laughed, opening your mouth so he could slip the spoon in between your lips. you licked them afterwards, and changbin leaned more into you.

"this sucks. i'm so hungry, still." he whined, and you laughed, snuggling into him more.

"we should make christmas cookies, then." you suggested, and his beautiful brown eyes lit up. but then they dimmed as he thought for a second.

"but it's 8pm."

"and?" you asked, trying to get up so you could make your way to the kitchen but he pulled you back down, an arm wrapped around your waist. "c'mon, let's have a little fun. get in the christmas spirit!

changbin had so many excuses piled up. he was tired, he had practice the next day, it was getting late and the sugar would keep him up. but the moment he saw the excitement on your beautiful face all of his worries melted away. he stood up with you, the blanket still hanging on his shoulders.

"let's go. we have cookies to bake, don't we?"

you sat on the kitchen counter, swinging your legs as changbin was grabbing all the ingredients.

"get down from there, please. we can't cook this if your butt is all over the counter." like a gentleman, he extended a hand to help you down, and you jokingly swatted it away.

"you love my butt."

"i do."

"this got kinda weird." you got down, opening various cupboards to grab bowls and utensils. you then turned on some christmas music, adding to the atmosphere. "you ready?"

the next thirty minutes or so, you spent carefully mixing ingredients together to create you and changbin's masterpiece. as you mixed the wet and dry mixtures together with your spoon, changbin's steady hands kept the bowl in place.

"easy now. you want it to be put-together, but not clumpy. you can't under-mix it or over-mix it, because both of those won't end well, okay?" his tone was gentle, and he didn't seem like he was chiding you or being bossy, he was explaining it to you and letting you take the lead, knowing if you felt lost he was right there beside you. you watched him expertly roll out the dough as you piled up the holiday cookie cutters. after that, they were slipped into the oven, ready to cook to warm, golden-brown perfection so that you could ice them.

a few minutes after changbin set the timer, your shuffled christmas playlist reached the long-awaited moment. the sound of melodious bell chimes signaled the fated song, and changbin gave you a devious smile.

"i hope you're ready, because i'm so ready." you laughed out loud at his words as he flipped his wooden spoon around to use as a makeshift microphone. as mariah carey began to sing, he did too.

"i don't want a lot for christmas, there is just one thing i need...." he spun around, reaching out the "microphone" to you so you could continue.

"i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree..." you sang, matching his enthusiasm. changbin gave you a wide grin before grabbing your hand and twirling around a few times.

after your karaoke session came to an end, you were panting, your throat nearly hurt from the loud singing. you leaned against the doorframe as changbin ran a hand through his curly black hair.

"guess what?" he said, smiling as he pointed up. hung from the top of the doorframe was a few leaves of mistletoe, placed not-so-discreetly. the timing was impeccable, as nat king cole's beautiful rendition of "the christmas song" began to play. one hand went to your soft cheek and the other went to your hip.

the way your lips met his in a soft and sweet kiss felt almost natural. as if they were always destined to connect to yours, again and again. you wished to have this feeling, of the emotions pulsing through both of you creating something magical, seared into your temporal lobe. this was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with! you felt giddy at the very idea of it. all your wishes had come true. you were with the love of your life, in this hub of joy and warmth, protected from the cold. safe and sound.

two months passed and it was valentine's day. love was in the air, and it was no different between you and your husband. every single part of the week leading up to it involved little gifts and sweet acts of service from your lover.

february 13th was not a good day for you. it had been relatively unlucky, and nothing seemed to go your way. you trudged home, shutting the door and flopping onto your shared bed. changbin was still at practice, so you had time to let out all your emotions.

after twenty minutes or so, you heard the front door open, a soft and loving voice carrying throughout the house.

"honey, are you home?" changbin asked, and you heard the soft thump of him setting his things down. you didn't want to worry him, so you responded.

"yeah, i'm in here." you replied rather weakly, and changbin noticed the discomfort in your voice almost immediately. he opened the door gently, not wanting to startle you. when he saw you laying down, misery tainting your features, he sat down beside you, pulling you into a soft hug.

the feeling of his arms around you was your breaking point. your walls collapsed just as easy as they had been built. you sobbed into changbin's shoulder the words just tumbling out of your mouth. you told him everything that went wrong and everything you felt - from the irritation and disappointment to the shame and fear, and he listened, a soft look of concern on his face.

"shh, don't cry." he murmured, wiping your tears away. "i'm sorry that you had a bad day. we all have them, there's nothing to be ashamed of. but don't worry, because you have me! your very own binnie who will fight off all the shitty days for you." you laughed softly at his words, and he gave you a dazzling smile when he heard your melodious laugh. "thank you, for telling me. we're married now, and your business is mine. if you're happy, i'm happy. if you're sad, i'm sad. if you're in the mood to kill someone, i'll probably try in convince you not to do it. but long story short, you deserve the world. the earth is blessed that you walk upon it. the waters are blessed to have touched your lips. the sky brags whenever you gaze up at it. you deserve the word, love, and i will gladly gift it to you."

when you leaned into his touch, whispering soft murmurs of "i love you" again and again, he chuckled softly, pressing an affectionate kiss to your forehead.

"you had such a rough day, baby. let's go take a bath, shall we? i'll go get it set up." he pulled away gently, waiting a second or two to make sure you didn't want him to stay. he went to the bathroom and got to work.

when he finished, he took your hand and led you in. the lights had been dimmed, most of the light emanating from red scented candles. an array of products were lined up neatly, and the water obviously had a bath bomb in it.

"here, allow me." changbin said, helping you undress. he neatly folded up your clothes and placed them on the kitchen counter. then, he gingerly unbuttoned his clothes and put them aside, too.

you sat with him in the warmth of the bath, his skin flush against yours. he rubbed your back, peppering your shoulder with soft and sweet kisses. nothing about this was sensual of any means. after the day you had endured, you were honestly relieved that energy had not been brought to this situation. this was simply your husband showing his overflowing devotion to you.

your eyelids fluttered shut as he washed your hair for you, carefully and expertly. he knew exactly what to do to give you the best results, as you'd taught him well. soft, soothing music drowned out the thoughts in your head, as did the comfortable silence with changbin.

after you had both dried off and gotten into your nightclothes, you climbed into bed, finding yourself immediately in changbin's warm arms, the place in this world where you felt truly at ease. he kissed you before dozing off. his final words, whispered softly into your waiting ear, were "tomorrow is another day."

and it was.

the next day, you found your home adorned with rose petals and your favorite foods and treats. seo changbin really was the match that kept your eternal flame going.

in the spring, the weather was lovely. flowers shot from the once frozen grown, basking in the sun's glory. cherry blossom petals floated down in a graceful dance from the trees. however, you were inside, curled up on a black leather couch, zoned out. from where you could see, changbin and the other members of 3racha were hard at work writing and composing a new song. eventually, you couldn't keep your eyelids from drooping shut, and you slumped over on the couch, sound asleep.

meanwhile, changbin was having a not-so-successful brainstorming session.

"i want to surprise yn, you know...they've been nothing short of lovely to me. and we can release it on the new album if it matches the concept, but if it doesn't, it'll be our song. private and for their ears only." he rambled. "but there's so much i want to express, and i can't pack it all in, or it'll end up being longer than twenty-four hours. ugh!"

jisung gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

"well...what are the things you want to tell them the most? there's got to be some division." changbin thought long and hard at jisung's words. he had such lovely memories with you, which were making it so fucking hard to choose just one.

"well...i love the idea of them growing old with me. it's something i've been dreaming about since we started dating." he finally said, a tad sheepish. "is that too cheesy?"

"not at all!" chan responded quickly. "that is one of the most beautiful things about love, i think. the daydreaming, the wishes...you're truly a romantic, changbin. and i love that being married has brought out this side of you."

"i think the poets might disagree. i can't even begin to elaborate on the vast complexity of my emotions, and they can do it in a flash." changbin mumbled. "i have all these feelings, and i hope i'm doing my best to make every day for them perfect. marriage is a commitment, and god, i'm fucking committed. i want to feel their hands in mine as we sit together under the sun in matching rocking chairs, our fingers wrinkled and knobby. because to me, they will be just as beautiful as they were when we were young."

chan and jisung stared at changbin, turned their heads to stare at each other, and burst out laughing.

"dude, do you hear yourself?" jisung asked in between giggles. "you're literally contradicting yourself as we speak. you just professed your love in the most beautiful way. i wish i could even begin to express that much powerful emotion, god."

"jisung, didn't you write volcano...and miserable...and alien?" chan implored, raising an eyebrow. jisung's cheeks turned an embarrassed rosy red, and he turned away, flustered.

"i guess...but that's not the point! what's really the point is that changbin needs to get his act together and write this song! no matter what you do, they're going to love it."

changbin let his emotions overtake him, and he wrote. he wrote so quickly and beautifully, every lyric laced with devotion and care. jisung and chan added their two cents now and then, but they let him take the lead. you were his muse, an alluring, angelic voice whispering sweet nothings in his ears, gifting him the motivation and inspiration he needed. when he finished his masterpiece, he stared at the lyrics. what if you didn't like them?

a voice sounded from behind him, drowsy and soft.

"honey, are you almost done?" you asked, and jisung and chan gave changbin a teasing smile before leaving the room, making some excuse that they were taking a conjoined bathroom break. changbin smiled at your ethereal face, still sleepy.

"i finished, yeah. want to hear the song?" he asked, as you got up from your resting place, sitting down beside him in jisung's now-empty chair. you nodded excitedly, and he took a deep breath, pressing play on the instrumental.

an upbeat melody sporting electric piano and drums began to play, working perfectly together. it sounded so sweet and so fun, like the inner melody that changbin kept hidden behind this rough exterior as a performer. and then he began to sing.

you'd heard him sing time and time again. but nothing compared to this moment. the raw emotion in his voice was singlehandedly the most beautiful thing you'd heard in a while. you felt tears prick your widened eyes when you realized the lyrics were about you.

"you've made this house a home."

"i was never a dreamer, until i met you."

the final lyric, "let's not make this too complicated, love me right now." signaled the end of the song. you stared at him, and abruptly burst into tears.

"please never stop writing songs about love, baby. your view of it is so refreshing and beautiful."

changbin's song, titled hands in mine, topped the charts.

this did not last. because now, changbin was sick. he'd been traveling and caught something he didn't even realize he had. this hit him hard, and he was now moping in bed, sniffles escaping his runny nose.

you were now determined to nurse him back to help, to the best of your abilities. you took a few days off of work so you could be by his side. carefully balancing a bowl of soup, you knocked on the door.

"can i come in?" he was silent, and you took that as a yes. you slid th door open, weaving through the room to sit beside him. he was sound asleep, the soft rise and fall of his chest imminent. you laughed quietly. the sound woke him up, as he blinked, eyes bleary with sleep, looking at you with a small pout.

"you...woke me up." he whined, and you pushed a few locks of curly black hair away from his forehead, placing the back of your hand there instead. he still had a pretty bad fever.

"you poor thing." you cooed, combing his hair with your hands. "you're burning up." when you gently pressed a damp towel to his forehead, he sighed at the contact.

"i can help myself, you know. you don't need to miss work for me." he said quietly, cheeks a deep red. when he attempted to grab the towel from your hands, you quickly moved it out of reach, resulting in changbin letting out a pitiful sound. "please. i can take care of myself and i'll be back in shape in no time. i've missed too many workouts!"

you shook your head.

"seo changbin, look at me. you have broken your back time and time again caring for me when nobody else had the energy to. i am not going to let you sit here and waste away in your sickness just because you have much too big of an ego to let me show you love you deserve. okay?" he was silent for a while, which implied his white flag of surrender. as he lifted the spoon to his mouth to consume your soup, you noticed his hand was shaking. you gave him a hug after he set it down, pressing your lips to his burning cheek.

"hey! i'm gonna get you sick." he tried to pull you off him, but you held on, until he relaxed, slumping back onto the bed. his head rested on your chest, and he sighed. "you're too good to me. i love you to the moon and back. as long as i am breathing and my heart is pumping blood, you will be the only person in my eyes. i intend you to be my last." and then he promptly fell asleep. leaving you dumbfounded.

so you held him tighter, until you drifted off into a dream-filled sleep. dreams of the eternity you were ready to spend with changbin.

summer arrived with a splash, literally. the sun was high, its rays beating down on you as you sat in a lounge chair in your swimsuit, tanning and reading a book your friend recommended to you. in the pool nearby, changbin rested his forearms against the tile, treading water as he looked up at you with a grin.

vacationing with him was always so fun.

"you look so good right now. the sun is kissing your skin when i wish i could." he giggled softly, and you smiled at his words. you were content sipping a cold drink as he swam, the blue water complimenting his tanned skin. and god, his arms looked really nice.

you had been with him for so long that busy schedules felt natural. you were used to long distance, long late night calls where you were practically begging him to get sleep, but he refused and regretted it horribly in the morning, airport arrivals and departures, all of that. it was nearly surreal that your husband was here and tangible.

"baby, come here real quick. i have to tell you something." changbin said suddenly, his mood changing. worry clouded your brain as you rushed over, crouching down beside him.

"is everything okay?" you asked him softly, and he flashed you that sneaky smile you knew all too well.

"better than okay."

and then he grabbed your hand, pulling you into the pool. you were met with the cool water soaking you from head to toe, before strong hands grabbed your waist, allowing you to pull your head up. changbin was laughing his ass off, and you splashed him rather harshly as a response.

"oh, i got you there! you looked so worried, babe, you were all like - 'oh no i hope my hubby is okay!' not even suspecting i'd toss you in. this is the fifth time you've fallen for this in all our time together, i'm disappointed." you sighed, theatrically massaging your temples to seem annoyed.

"y'know, this is why you're so short, binnie. if i can't trust you to not betray me like that, then how can the height gods?"

"hey!" he pouted, picking you up like you were light as a feather. the water probably helped. "you love me and all my inches."

you raised an eyebrow at his comment.

"and which inches are we implying here?" changbin's cheeks turned beet red as he doused you in a downpour of water.

"i didn't mean it like that, you perv!" he whined. you giggled, swimming over to him to rest a hand on his muscular forearm.

"i know, i know. want to dry off and walk along the beach?" you asked invitingly. he acted as if he even had to think about it, before clasping your hand in his and leading you out of the water. he grabbed two fluffy towels, handing one to you so you could dry off. after the sun aided you in this endeavor, you made your way to the beach.

the sun was beginning to set, painting the sky the colors of a beautiful fire as you walked, one foot after the other, hand-in-hand with changbin. the grains of sand felt soft against your bare feet, and the wind was blowing perfectly. pairing this with a cooler temperature now that nightfall was nearly upon you resulted in a perfect day.

you swung your entangled hands as you walked, pointing out various seashells and marine life. you just felt so overpowered with joy.

"can you believe it? we've been married for over half a year." you commented, eliciting a gasp from changbin. instead of responding with some loving comment that would make you all flustered and even more in love with him, he burst into song.

specifically, omg by newjeans. never a second of rest with this man.

on the eleventh day of august, changbin was awoken with a bone-crushing hug from you. you were excited and smiling, gushing until he groaned, sitting up to face you. your hands went to his cheeks, and you smiled wider than ever.

"happy birthday!" his face lit up at your words. he hugged you laughing, wrapping his arms around you. every birthday was another year lost to time, but he was happy that these years would now be spent time and time again by your side.

he watched you carefully make him a delicious breakfast with his favorite food. there were all different ingredients cooking and being mixed at once, and changbin basked in the sweetness that was your determination to make the perfect day for him. when you finished, you sat down with him, and he began eating, exclaiming in delight at the taste and complimenting you non-stop.

"what do you want to do today? it is your special day, after all. we can do whatever you want. this needs to be a day you'll love." you said, smiling as you took a bite of breakfast. changbin was silent for a bit, probably planning out a sudden itinerary for the day. you knew he was up to something the minute he gave you that damn look.

you were wearing gym clothes. this was his master plan, wasn't it? he was going to make you work out with him. you knew about your husband's love for exercise, but if you weren't feeling up to it, he wouldn't try and force it onto you. but today, on his special day, you essentially had no choice. however, it was lucky for you - you had a trained professional as your workout partner as opposed to someone who knew absolutely nothing.

it wasn't easy, but changbin was by your side every moment of the intense workout. some machines were easier for you to comprehend and then use than others, but at the end of the day, you much preferred watching changbin work out over anything.

the sheer focus when he exercised was something you'd really only seen when he was performing. you wished you had something even close to the level of perseverance that he boasted. finally, your sweaty husband completed his workout. in the car ride home, his hand never left yours, rubbing circles into your soft palm.

the rest of the day was simply lovely. you just spent it with changbin, not doing anything in particular but enjoying each other's presence. whenever he was around you, he seemed to have this radiance that came and went. it was a ray of calming sunshine that made you feel immensely better. whatever came at you, you'd face it together.

that night, when you sang happy birthday to changbin, as he was surrounded by his closest family and friends, he gave you a beautiful smile before blowing out his candles. he felt like was on top of the world, seeing your beauty as you held a cake you baked personally for him. he prayed this would be how all his birthdays were.

when the vibrant green hues of the trees faded to warm reds and oranges, mixed in with the occasional yellows and browns, you knew almost instantly that fall had arrived in all its glory. with fall came the autumn holidays, times of joy as the weather progressively became colder and colder, until the cycle of the seasons would repeat again.

the first of these important holidays was halloween. the weather was chilly in the mornings and night, something you honestly couldn't stand. you were curled up on the couch with changbin, a bowl of candy between you two as you watched some new horror movie. if you were being completely honest, it was scaring you, but you didn't want to admit that to changbin, who was frankly quite invested in the movie's plot.

"look at this dumbass, babe. he had two choices on places to hide. he could've hidden anywhere where the killer wasn't...the guy is literally taking out students at the university, if he just, i don't know, ran away, he'd be safe? but no...he had to hide in his girlfriend's dorm room. so stupid." changbin huffed, and you facepalmed. "mark my words, he's going to die before the end."

his incessant rambling was helping take your mind off the jumpscares, but you'd still visibly flinch if you weren't expecting one. you'd react by hiding your face in the crook of his neck. this was something that made changbin laugh loudly. however, he wasn't condescending about it or anything, which made you very comfortable. one of the many, many, many things about changbin that you loved was the harmony and tranquility he brought to your life.

you had loved seo changbin through the freezing cold and the burning heat, through the wilting and blooming of the flowers, through days and nights alike. and you had absolutely no intention to ever stop.

taglist: @darkypooo , @hyunbae-35 , @backintomykpopphaseagain , @stateofdelicategrace , @elizaschuyler18 , @lillithathecat , @imastraykidsfan , @nightimescapes , @mal-lunar-28

@evermourning, ©2023, all rights reserved.

[dingochef]

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Dirty Talk, Mutual Masturbation, Comeplay

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: A rainy day and a random board game lets you and Jake to get to know each other better and more intimately.

Masterlist

Truth

"El, I'm bored," Jake whines from the couch where he is stretched out. You're assuming he's still there because the back of the sofa blocks your view from the kitchen. All you can see of your very tall muscular aviator boyfriend is his bare feet kicking, only slightly like a petulant toddler, in the air as he restates his current state of boredom.

"It's one day of rain, Jake. Even in San Diego it happens," you say, advancing out of the kitchen with a beer and a gin and tonic. He rolls over as you approach and perks up when you hand him the beer, an aggressive IPA he's currently obsessed with. He sits up taking the drink from you. You plunk yourself down on the couch and his arm automatically goes around you.

"Enjoy the down time, we're caught up on laundry, worked out this morning, have dinner ready to go in the oven. It's 2 pm on a rainy Sunday and we have no obligations. Let's just chill and enjoy doing nothing," you say.

"Fine, I'll take your offer of cuddling with my smoking hot girlfriend and day drinking," he sighs. You sit contentedly for a few minutes listening to the rain before Jake gets antsy again.

"Let's do something," he pleads.

"How about a board game?" you ask, not entirely sure where that idea came from.

"We have board games?" Jake asks.

You nod and pop off the couch striding towards the guest room.

"In here," you say and point to a cardboard box in the bottom of the closet. Jake pulls it out and opens it up. He pulls out a few classic games and holds them up for you to consider, including Monopoly.

"Nope, last time I played that two people got into a fist fight and we had to find an emergency dentist" you reply and Jake puts it down on the growing pile.

The usual classics like Risk, Life, and few others join the stack.

A devilish and wide smile blooms on his face,

"Oh I think we're going to play this one, El," he says, grinning as he holds up a hot pink box the size of a deck of cards that says,

"Only the Truth, X Rated Edition."

"Oh my god," you groan, "I thought I got rid of that."

You reach for the box but Jake stands up and holds the box up high above your head. He uses every one of the eleven inches he is taller than you to evade your grasp.

Crossing your arms, you give up. The urge to climb him like a tree fading as you try not to pout,

"Lydia got it for me as a gag gift. I can't believe I still have it."

Jake reads the back of the box, in a low sultry voice,

"Get to know everything spicy about your lover or someone you hope will be with this fun and exciting game. Easy setup and clothing optional."

He wags his eyebrows at the last sentence.

Rolling your eyes, you agree,

"Fine, we can play it but you have to make the next round of drinks."

Jake snickers,

"Because making a G&T is sooo hard," he grabs your hand and pulls you to the couch. He rips the box open and peels off the plastic wrap. You pick up the folded paper directions and read them.

"Umm, we can either go through the deck in order increasing 'spiciness' or," the sound of shuffling cards distracts you, "Mix them up."

You look up and Jake is sheepishly neatening up the cards on the table. "Well that decision has been made," you sigh,

"Says everyone has to answer the question, truthfully."

Jake nods and draws a card. He snickers,

"Well that's a doozy to start with. Worst sex partner.”

You take a swig of your drink,

“Second serious boyfriend in college. He was just lazy, only liked missionary and would do this weird horizontal thing every other thrust. It did nothing for me. Once he’d come he was out andI had to take care of myself. We didn’t last long after we started sleeping together. Not the greatest kisser and never gave me oral. My rule is that I have to get oral before I give. So you were a wise man to go down on me right away.”

A smile blooms across Jake's face as he relives the exact moment you're referring to.

"Your turn," you tease in a sing-song voice.

He takes a breath and groans,

“My first one night stand, while I was at Academy. Went home with a local girl and she just kind of laid there despite anything I tried to do, not that I was the most experienced at that point in my life, but I was enthusiastic. When we went doggy style, she moaned so loudly kind of like a donkey every time I pushed into her. It was distracting and weird. When she finally came, she didn’t make a sound and then just got out of bed and left me to my own devices. Yeah, that was definitely the worst.”

You snicker at the thought of a young Jake trying his hand at sleeping around. It's your turn to draw a card and you pull one of the garish pink cards off the deck and read aloud the question,

"Who was your first kiss? Huh, that must have been one of the starter questions."

“Sandra Leonard, 6th grade at a dance. You?” Jake responds.

“Mark Simmons, Homecoming dance, sophomore year of high school," you answer.

“A bit of a late bloomer?” Jake asks.

“Yeah, I didn’t really have time for much social stuff when I was training for the Olympics. Your turn.”

Jake pulls another card,

“What is your favorite genre of porn?"

“Ooh, good one. I’d probably say Gay," you answer, enjoying how Jake’s eyebrows raise.

“One, the guys are always hot and hung,” that earns a hearty laugh from him, “The guys are genuinely aroused and actually get off. There’s no exploiting a woman just for a man’s pleasure. Everyone enjoys themselves.”

He considers your words and nods in agreement. There is a brief gleam of mischief in his eye as takes a swig of beer before answering the question,

"Granny."

You're not smooth enough to school your facial features into a neutral look, whatever thought you're having is on your face making Jake laugh.

“Just kidding, I’m a pretty straight laced guy, usual man/woman couples, lesbian, and solo women.”

“Those are pretty mainstream, although that would have been the time to slip in any weird fetish you’ve been holding back. Not to kink shame you or anything."

Jake laughs,

“I promise you don’t have anything too crazy in the spank bank, just being around you is enough to get me going at an instant.”

He leans over to kiss you, the taste of the IPA heavy on his lips.

"Mmm, you taste like a pine tree. My turn!"

You read the next card aloud,

“Who was your first steady boyfriend/girlfriend?”

“Tiffany Meadows, she was my girlfriend through high school. We broke up when we went away to college. Thanks or no thanks to Facebook, I know she is happily living as a suburban stay at home Mom in Dallas with three kids.”

“Melvin Markham, freshman year of college. He was a fellow gymnast at Notre Dame. He was two years older than me.”

Jake draws the next card,

“Who'd you lose your virginity to and where?”

“Melvin, freshman year, he lived off campus. Couldn't get away with a lot of the dorms at Notre Dame, nuns and other minders everywhere.”

“I’m just laughing at the idea of you sneaking around nuns to get sexed up.”

“The joys of going to a Catholic university.”

“Sounds more strict than the academy. Which is saying something.”

“Your turn.”

“Tiffany, my senior year of high school, in her bedroom when her parents were out of town for the weekend.”

Jake picks up the next card,

"Have you ever slept with someone of the same gender?"

"First of all, what a heteronormative question, but yes I have slept with a woman, once."

Jake perks up,

"Details, please."

You pause, and then tell him,

“You have to swear never to let anyone know, especially the person I’m going to mention and their significant other. Swear you won’t.”

You hold out your pinky for the most solemn of all oaths, Jake laughs at your seriousness and agrees,

“Pinky promise.”

“Lydia and I had sex one time in college," you blurt out, enjoying how Jake's eyes bug out a little as he tries not to spit his poorly timed sip of beer out. After a few coughs his look shifts as he is probably imagining you and Lydia having sex. You give him a mock slap to stop his imagination running away on him.

“I don’t think you know, but Lydia is bisexual. She’s had a few girlfriends here and there but has tended towards men in the past couple years. Well, we were a little tipsy one night in my dorm room and Lydia confided in me she was attracted to girls, but was scared to do anything about it. She was afraid of getting involved with a girl and getting to that stage and realizing that it wasn’t for her. My tipsy brain, plus it almost feels like a rite of cliche passage for college girls now, thought the perfect solution was for Lydia and me to mess around for her to see if she liked it and I was curious too. It was good, a lot different than being with a guy, all soft and smooth versus hard muscles and stubble. I like being penetrated too much to be exclusively a lesbian, good for you.”

“What happened the next morning? Did things get weird?” he asks, his curiosity getting to him.

“It was surprisingly okay the next day. Lydia said thanks for helping her figure out some stuff. I let her know it wasn't my cup of tea, but that I was glad she got to explore that with someone she trusted. I think our friendship is so strong that that bond prevailed rather than a romantic or sexual one.”

You can tell Jake’s mind is blown.

“That’s incredibly…sweet in a way. And yes I’m glad you enjoy dick, specifically my dick.”

"You're welcome, now it's your turn.”

“Nothing quite as poetic as yours, but a few things have happened at sea. It’s really hard to say no to anyone who wants to suck your dick, female or male, when you’ve not had sex for months. You say yes and it feels polite to at least reciprocate a hand job.”

“Makes sense, and seems like a nice thing to do.”

You pull the next card,

"What sex act do you want to try?"

"I really want to watch you get yourself off, the whole thing without any help from me. I know you have some toys, but never seem to bring them out during sex."

"I didn't know you'd be okay with that."

"Want to see how you use them, give me some ideas for later. Plus it'd be like my own personal porn."

"Okay, I think I can do that."

Jake looks at me,

"What do you want to try?"

"I like the idea of some roleplay." He raises an eyebrow,

"What specifically?"

"Like the idea of us meeting up somewhere at a bar as strangers and you picking me up for a one night stand. Maybe fucking in the parking lot."

"I like that idea, we can definitely work that one out,"

The rain starts to come down harder, a dull roar on the roof.

You put your drink down on the table and take Jake's beer to join your glass. Your hands free you move to straddle Jake's strong thighs,

"All this talk of sex stuff has got me going, you want to check?"

Jake's hand slides down under your dress, up your thigh, and to your warm core. His jaw flexes the moment he realizes you forwent underwear. A strong finger ghosts over your clit causing you to gasp and slides into your wet opening.

"Fuck, El, you're soaked."

"Want to try out your idea?"

Jake nods enthusiastically,

"Yes, El, whatever you're comfortable with."

Slowly you stand up and pull Jake up with you. He follows you as you lead him by the hand to the bedroom. You pull the armchair that usually sits in the corner of the room to the foot of the bed and motion for him to sit. He complies and adjusts himself when he sits down, just the initial idea getting him excited and starting to tent his pants.

After arranging the pillows on the bed to your liking you pull out your trusty vibrator. The ridiculous pink and sparkly coloring a bit much in the muted daylight of the bedroom. The lube is fished out of the top drawer of your nightstand and placed on the bed next to the toy. Jake is watching you intently as you go through your preparations; finally you strip the dress you have on, letting it fall to the floor as you slide onto the bed naked.

"You okay, El?" Jake asks, soft concern on his face.

"I'm good, Jake. Enjoy the show," you respond. Leaning back into the pillows, you have your legs modestly together still, knees touching. You know that you wouldn't go through all these motions if it was just you, but that's the fun of the fantasy, everything is just a bit heightened, a bit more production value.

Making sure your supplies are within arms reach you start to caress yourself, long sweeps of your body and curves. Your hands glide over your breasts, down the slope of your stomach, to the outer and inner reaches of your thighs, but you don't touch your pussy yet.

The soothing touch entices you to close your eyes and just enjoy the sensations of skin on skin. On your next round your hands stop on your breasts, cupping them and rolling your nipples between your fingers gently. The action pulls a light moan out of you and for the first time since you started Jake speaks,

"El," he rasps, his voice thick, "Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking about, what you're imagining."

A slight flush creeps on your cheeks, somehow this feels so much more intimate than some of the things you done with Jake and you realize because he's really the first person you've ever let this far into your life, your mind, and your heart. You trust him with all of you, so you take a little settling breath and start to talk, with your hands squeezing your tits and nipples.

"I love how big your hands are, how they feel on me. How you can just cover big parts of my body with one hand, makes me feel protected."

You let one hand slide down to your apex and gently part your folds and your legs finally open to Jake's gaze. A deep groan resonates from the end of the bed when your legs fully part exposing your glistening cunt.

You tease around your pussy, letting your fingers dance on your lips as you hold them open with your other hand.

"The way you eat my pussy like it's your last meal drives me crazy. If it were up to me I'd keep you between my legs all the time. Under my desk at work, here in our bed, anywhere I could get you, because no one, no one, has ever eaten my pussy as good as you do Jake."

You finally give in and let your fingers slide over your clit and down into your wet slit. Gathering some of your slick on your fingers you rub small circles around your clit. A soft sigh of relief escapes from your lips as some of the ache eases with your motions. You take the opportunity to look at Jake and he has slipped his sweats and boxer briefs down releasing his dick. His hard cock is in his hand, precum leaking out the tip. His green eyes look dark and intense as they watch your every move.

Your mouth waters at the thought taking him in your mouth, you begin to speak again, your sex stream of consciousness if you will,

"Love your cock, Jake. The taste. I want it in me all the time, my mouth, my pussy. We should try cockwarming. Think about having me wrapped all around you while we do something, like watch a movie and see how long we can hold out being that close and connected to each other without fucking our brains out." The image of you just being with Jake, perched on his dick gets you going even more and your fingers begin to speed up on your clit. You decide it's time to get the vibrator involved. When you pull your hands away to get the toy and lube, Jake lets out a little whine of disappointment.

You apply some lube to the vibrator and click the cap shut before tossing it to the foot of the bed for Jake. Laying back you hear the click of the lube cap and know Jake has slicked himself up. You click the toy on, and tease it down your body to your pussy. Even then you don't go straight in, enjoying the pleasant vibrations on your clit and swirling it around your hole to heighten the anticipation some more.

"I need to get a bigger vibrator, this one feels small compared to you," you pant out as you tease yourself with the aforementioned toy. Jake huffs out a small laugh at your statement.

"I like how you stretch me when you first slide in," you try to say in a sultry voice as you slide the vibe in, slowly pumping it in and out. The sounds of Jake's breaths speed up.

The satisfaction of knowing how turned on he is spurs you to keep talking,

"I like to think of all the ways you've taken me, how we've fucked, Jake. I always love it when you push me up against a wall and just rail me," you can't help but let out a loud moan at the thought and memory,

"Going as deep as you can, can practically feel your dick in my throat and almost taste it."

A small "fuck me" rumbles from Jake's mouth and you continue to let the dirty talk spill out of your mouth.

"Or when you take me from behind, it lets you slap my ass how I like it. I love seeing your big hand prints on my ass."

With that last verbal volley, everything speeds up. You click the next level on the vibrator, pump it faster, and rub your clit harder on your quest to come undone.

The sounds of slicked up movement mixed with Jake's heavy breathing and muted grunts at the foot of the bed tell you he's getting closer to his own release. You hold your head up long enough to take in the sight of Jake, shirt discarded somewhere along the way, muscles tensed, eyes transfixed on your movements as he slides his hand up and down his cock.

Your own climax is building rapidly and you start to shout as you peak,

"So close, Jake,I'm coming, fuck yes, oh my god."

You finally break into that plane of bliss and the pleasure washes over you as you thrash about on the bed.

Chest heaving, you pull the vibrator out and turn it off. You collapse, boneless, into the softness of the bed.

The bed dips and Jake crawls up to kiss you. It is hard and messy, saliva and tongues as he keeps up his rhythm on his dick, slowly jerking it as he hovers above you.

"El, how you keep getting sexier and sexier I don't know, watching you get yourself off and knowing how much you think about me got me so fucking hard. Can't wait to fuck you after this," he pants against your lips.

You grasp his cock, displacing his hand, as you moan,

"I want you to come," you pause, "Come on me."

"Fuck, El."

You speed up your strokes on his dick, his eyes starting to screw shut as he focuses on you.

Jake lets out a deep moan as his

hands grasp and bunch the comforter on either side of your head.

"El, I'm going to come," he pants, his hips bucking into your hand.

"Want you to feel good. Come for me."

That is the magic set of words that pulls Jake's release from him, warm spurts of come land on your chest as a loud strangled grunt emits from Jake his head pulled back, veins bulging on his neck, chest heaving.

"Holy fuck, El," he groans out as he flops on his back next to you on the bed. He looks your way just in time to watch you drag a finger through the mess on your chest and bring it to your lips to clean.

He groans, almost painfully,

"You're going to kill me, El. Jacob Thomas Seresin dead by sex at age 33."

You laugh and stretch your neck over to him to catch his lips in a sweet kiss. "That was the one of the sexiest things I've ever seen," he says against your lips. You pull back enough to look Jake in the eyes.

"I'm glad you liked it."

He laughs,

"I loved it."

You find Jake's hand with your own and interweave your fingers together.

"I've never done that with anyone," you say into the space between you,

"I didn't really trust any guy enough to give them an all access pass to my brain and body.

Jake raises your intertwined hands and kisses your knuckles softly,

"I'm honored I'm the first and last man who gets this privilege."

You raise an eyebrow,

"The last?"

"Darling, I'm never letting you go."

"Ditto."

"I'm thinking we need to explore that porn shower of yours some more and clean you up," Jake says pulling you up.

"Sounds lovely, lead the way, Jake."

@mygyn

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[random0815fangirl]

Maybe a tough question, but ... If you had to put the EC guys in a tier list, from one to six ... who do you like the most and who the least?

Woooaaah 🤯🤯 That's really a tough one! And I'll think about it, but just to make sure from the very beginning: even my tier-6-blorbo I love very dearly! So no hard feelings and no judgement please 🙈

1. Kevin

First up is Kevin. He is so fucking stupid and I love him for it. He's pure sunshine. He always seems to keep his surroundings in a good mood and he gives off such an incredible positive vibe. And while being goofy he's also so fucking educated on music 😱 e.g. all those shows where contestants have to guess the song and he simply DESTROYS his opponents! And how he plays and improvises the piano! It's so impressive. And last but not least: Last time I got the chance to talk to him - he's such a ridiculously humble and down-to-earth guy. Nice, kind, positive... How can you not love this manchild?? ❤️❤️

1. Danskimo

My other first tier blorbo is Dan. Yes, nobody on this planet can force me to decide between Dan and Kevin. Not even you, anon. Deal with it. I love Danskimo just as much, he seems like such a nice guy but also mischievous and I love how on one hand he seems so quiet and serious and in the next moment he's absolute mayhem. Also he's an amazing musician and HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM?? God, he has the face of an angel and his tats are so fucking hot 🥵🥵 Dan is definitely the most attractive one in the band, no discussion. And we even share a birthday! Need I say more? ❤️❤️

3. David

As a fellow polak I can confirm that David is our national treasure. His radiating kurwa energy is sooooo contagious 😂 So it's my obligation to put him that high up on my list ^^

4. Nico

I guess I don't need to explain why I love Nico. The perfect mix between a cute, poor meow-meow and a rabid chihuahua that will rip your still beating heart right out of your fucking chest. There's such a fine line between cuddles and anger issues... And it makes him even more lovable 🥰 And then there's his voice ✨ He sings like a fucking angel 😍

5. Daniel

I really love Daniels nerdiness but I guess the only reason why he's so low in my list is because he's so quiet? 🤔 I mean nothing wrong with being quiet (quite the contrary!) but I guess I just don't pay as much attention to him... But still he seems like such a fun and nice guy, I would love to tuck him to bed with a hot chocolate and cuddle him to sleep 🥰 (sry if this is weird...)

6. Pascal

I know many fangirls will curse me for it because I know the majority of you out there love this ginger pumpkin pie to death, but I don't feel the vibes as much... Please don't get me wrong! I love Pasl and his creativity and especially the insane amount of tongue! I just don't feel the chemistry like many of you do 🙈

Edit: Afterwards I realized others replied way shorter to this question. So I want to say I'm very, very sorry for my wall of text 😅🙈

[littledollll]

Little angel

Lucifer Morningstar x little!angel!reader

Request by @shesgaysandtheys: Can you write a Lucifer × little space reader where the reader is an angel and a gift from god as a lover for Lucifer because Lucifer helped god with something? Lucifer is happy to oblige as their caretaker once they learn about their little space?

Warnings: none I can think of, pls mention if u think I should add any

I’d like to mention this is 100% sfw, even though I write nsfw I will never mix agere and nsfw together, do not sexualize age regression it’s a coping mechanism. If you don’t like it, if you think it’s weird scroll.

A/n: this was an absolute joy to write, it was honestly a breeze once I got the start down, I love doing agere stuff it’s so cute and there’s not enough of it out here.

Read part two

Lucifer usually didn’t accept requests from God. Why would they? But when the requests is help with a common enemy they decided to take Him up on the offer, after all, a little extra help would never hurt, and having God himself owe them a favor? That was sure an offer nobody would dare ignore. As payment for their cooperation and help, God sent them an angel. “The purest, truly, beautiful and with a heart that loves all.” He described, Lucifer wouldn’t pass this up.

____

“Are you here willingly, angel?” Was the first thing they asked you, tone oddly soothing, caring, which confused you at first considering all you’ve heard about them. “Truly, I didn’t have much of an option.” Even though your words were bitter they sounded soft, Lucifer smiled at that, seems like God didn’t know you all that well, ironic.

“Do you not wish to be here?” They asked, and you smiled at their concern, you already like them more than you anticipated. “I never said that, Lucifer.” You were playful, unafraid to speak, carefully thought out words but not filtered or sugarcoated. Your first meeting, and they already liked you.

The following weeks had been full of conversations, dinners, othertimes just keeping eachother company, sometimes Lucifer would even admit to missing your presence whenever you didn’t come around, though they respected your space and privacy, they understood wanting to be alone sometimes, they just didn’t know the reasoning, and you never gave one, which they again respected.

By contract you were meant to be lovers, but thankfully Lucifer actually had an interest in you, to know you and spend time with you, not just lay with you and show you off as a gift from God, maybe to them you were just something to keep them busy or from being lonely but you somehow knew that wasn’t the case. You felt comfortable with them, so much so that it became a problem with hiding your regression, you felt safe, taken care of, and would sometimes slip unintentionally into that younger headspace, making up a random excuse to get scurry away and hide.

Though you grew to trust them you never really knew how to bring up the topic of your regression, if it was rare in humans it was even more rare in angels, you were afraid of being rejected, judged, so it was a secret. It didn’t help that Lucifer’s caring nature (at least towards you) made you want to slip, they treated you gently at all times, not because they thought you were weak but just because they thought you deserved it, some sense of comfort in hell itself.

The relationship grew and you found yourself actually fitting into the label of “lovers”. And while you loved every second of that, soon after the questions started coming, of course they had a right to know, as your partner where you ran off to at random times during the day and why. You put it off, always with the same answer. “Maybe one day, I’ll tell you” you appreciated they wouldn’t push any further after that.

And one day, the secret was out. They always sought you out for comfort, not really asking anything of you but your presence. With a stressful day came the end of your year-long secret. Your old quarters from when you first came to hell had become your hideaway to regress now that you shared a room. They were speaking when they came in, which got cut off when they took in the sight of you.

Sat crisscross on the floor in front of a coloring book, a blanket safely wrapped around and on you, different supplies and toys scattered around you, bottles, pacifiers, stuffed animals, a lot of those, they took a mental note of that. An open case in the corner, they guessed that’s where you keep everything. You’d never been caught before, you honestly didn’t know what to do and you were currently far too small to think of an excuse and play pretend. Your eyes just welled up in tears threatening to spill and they immediately ran over, sat on the floor, pulling you into their arms when they took notice of that. You clung to them.

“Oh don’t cry little angel, please don’t cry. You have nothing to be scared or embarrassed of. You could have told me love, is this where you run off to? Every time you hide, because of this?” You sniffled and nodded into their chest. “Little one, you’re alone when you’re small? My precious little angel all alone, you could’ve told me darling, it’s okay” you slightly parted to look at them, Lucifer wiped your tears away and kisses your head waiting for you to speak. “dont think its weird?”

They practically beamed at you, Lucifer, smiling, openly, joyfully. Think about that for a second. “Weird? Little one you are absolutely adorable, you’ve immediately made my day.” Now it’s your turn to beam at them. You giggled hiding your face again this time out of shyness. “I am upset about one thing though” you looked at them wide eyed despite their playful tone. “You’re telling me you’re running off and replacing my company with all of them?”

They glared at your stuffed animals, you giggled again. “Nu-uh, cant replace luci” Lucifer feared their heart would burst right then. “Luci?” They questioned. “mhm mhm, u wanna meet them!?” Your attention span was certainly shorter since you completely ignored their questioning after simply stating that yes, this was your name for them. You ran jumped off their arms and went on to point and name all of your plushies, introducing them all to “luci! u know bout them!”

They chuckled. “Did you tell them all about me?” “mhm mhm they know all da secrets! Shhh.” They exaggerated a gasp. “All of them!? Are they good at keeping secrets? Because those are very important little one” You looked offended. “‘course they are, u didn find out bout me till now!” They nodded in understanding, truly you made a good point. “Very true I guess I can trust them too, then.”

You nodded excitedly. “Can you promise me something, little angel?” Lucifer asked and you muttered a small “depends” with a mischievous look on your face. “I’m definitely questioning you on that answer later, but for now. Can you promise to tell me when you slip? Don’t hide away from me little one, allow me to take care of you, not just this once, I’d like to be your caregiver.” You tilted your head at them. They found it adorable. “u wana?” And once they nodded you ran up and hugged them again.

You held up your pinky and they gave you a confused look. “pinki promis.” You stated as a fact. “Oh of course!” They laced their pinky with yours. “cant never ever break that” “I wouldn’t dream of it, My little angel.” Lucifer briefly looked around the room before they spoke again. “Now why don’t we go through all your stuff so I know all about what you have and need. We can also get you some new things, how about that, tiny?”

You pouted. “Tiny?” “Are you trying to tell me you aren’t?” You crossed your arms. “Meanie, m telling all my plushies bout this. u in big trouble.” They kissed your forehead and nodded. “I’ll deal with the consequences of my oh so terrible words gracefully, little angel.”

Read part two

[yumimak]

Anomaly- Chapter 5

Hi friends! I don't want to keep you from reading this chapter any longer than I already have by typing a big message up here, but please make sure you read the author's note at the end.

I hope the chapter is the worth the wait!! Enjoy :)

- - -

Y/n

I’m fucked.

Everything was going so fucking well and some how, some way, I ended up just as fucked as I was when I was back with the RDA.

“Fuck,” I grunt as I rest my back against the door of my room, the satisfying click it makes signifying that I was finally alone. I bury my face into my hands. Being alone finally lets all my emotions from the past few hours resurface. Like a surging rush of emotions that come all too fast, consuming every part of me until all I can do is cry.

It’s not a small cry like the one back in the clearing, no. It's a deep sob that escapes the back of my throat eliciting a painful sound I’d never imagine myself producing. I muffle the sound with my hand despite the way that my sobbing makes me shake and heave for a breath I couldn’t quite catch.

My crying releases me of the last bit of energy I had stored in my body. My back slides against the smooth metal door until my butt hits the ground. I pull my knees to my chest, holding myself until I’m so drained of tears that all I can do is heave shortened breaths.

It’s only then that I will myself off of the ground and to my bathroom. My actions all feel foreign as I take off my hair pieces and jewelry, as I shower and carefully wash my hair, as I dry off and pull on a baggy t-shirt and sweats. 

It’s like my expression of sadness has left me truly numb and empty. Well, until I turn off the main light of my room and I finally get to lay on my bed, encapsulating myself in my blanket. It’s then that the dark warmth of my sad blanket cocoon brings on another wave of sadness.

As my warm tears glide down my cheeks and unto my mattress I realize that this would be one of those nights of crying alone in my bed until the pain of exhaustion overrides the pain of sadness and I finally fall asleep. I’d experienced many nights like this back at the RDA, this past week led me to believe I’d left them back there.

I guess I was too quick to assume.

I continue to shed my seemingly endless amount of tears as I continuously think about everything that's happened today. The attack, the accusations, Jake’s words, and the painful trip to Mo’at simply topping it off.

Suddenly my cry sesh is interrupted when someone barrels through my door, “Bitch, you won’t believe what Lo’ak told me-” It’s Noah. “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I mumble in my best attempt to sound normal.

“Yeah and I’m going to be the next Olo’eyktan,” he jokes, his voice approaching after he closes the door. “I know you better than you know yourself so don’t bother lying. I know a ‘sad blanket cocoon’ when I see one.”

I groan in annoyance as I pull the blanket down, the lamp beside my bed provides just enough light for Noah to see my battered face and teary eyes. His face portrays a weird mix of anger and sadness, “Oh, God. Who the hell- who did this to you?” he asks, his voice rough.

I shake my head, “It doesn’t matter.” I didn’t need for him to go out causing trouble for himself on behalf of the trouble I had just been put into. 

His anger forcibly leaves his face. He is left with that sad sympathetic look alone, his ears low and his lips turned into a frown. “Well, what happened?”

I somehow can’t figure out how to tell him. Too many thoughts mixing making me unable to find a starting point. In my inability to speak I feel my bottom lip poke out, more tears following it. Noah lets out a sigh, “Scoot over, crybaby.”

I oblige, scooting over in bed to allow room for my brother who took up way too much space in these human beds. Norm and Max hand put two of the mattresses against each other making it long enough for us to fit our legs but they still weren't that wide.

When he’s comfortably fit under the covers he pulls me into an embrace that I had not realized I needed. It’s strong and loving and makes me feel as though despite all odds, things might somehow end up okay. It isn’t until my tears have slowed once more and my breath is almost normal that Noah speaks again. “Try to start from the beginning. I know it had to have started with getting that sample from Norm so start there. What exactly started all of this?”

The attack.

My brain instantly clears recognizing the catalyst to the shitstorm I’d just experienced. That’s where I start in my long explanation of everything. Speaking about it clarifies the situation in my head enough for me to truly process it and all that it could mean. It leaves a pit in my lower stomach that I decide to ignore for the time being.

Like the amazing brother he is, Noah doesn’t interject. He doesn’t give an opinion or his advice because he understands that right now I just need to get it all out of my system, put it in the air and recognize the weight it puts in the atmosphere and allow it to linger until I eventually adapt.

There’s a moment of silence when I’m done speaking. A moment where we both rest in the weight of our surroundings. “Is- is there anything I could do?” Noah asks. “To help?”

I shake my head, almost breaking a smile at the kind gesture, “No, no, it’s okay. I will figure it out but until then I want you to keep going to training and giving your all. I don’t want whatever decision Jake makes to affect you too.”

He rolls his eyes at me, “If anything changes for you, it’s changing for me too. I wouldn’t abandon you like that.”

“I don’t think it’s considered ‘abandoning’ if I am the one telling you to do what’s safer for you.”

He scoffs out a laugh, “We really don’t have to get into the technicalities of this. If you go, or are not allowed in the clan, then so will I. There’s no talking me out of it.

“You are so aggravating,” I say finally letting out a small laugh.

He smiles at the gesture. “Says the one who thinks I am going to abandon her for a clan of people who don’t even like me. You will always be my priority, Y/n.”

His words burn as they enter my system. So genuine and meaningful, reminding me that through every bad thing I’d been through in my life, he was there. And as long as he had something to say it seemed it would always be this way. “I love you,” I mumble.

“I love you too. Now that’s enough of being sad. You will get better, I will keep going to training and everything will work itself out, okay?”

I nod, “Okay, except, please don’t talk to anyone about anything. Neteyam already knows but I’d rather not keep bringing it up. If anyone asks-”

“You are here healing and that’s all that matters,” he finishes for me, knowing I had not wanted any aspect of today venturing into a far bigger deal than it already was.

If that was even possible.

“Now enough of this conversation. I’m staying in here tonight and I think we should watch Gumball.”

I can’t fight the smile that freely smudges itself across my face, “I think we should too.” Noah reaches for my laptop on my nightstand. Opening it and pulling up the last file of the show I had watched last night.

Tv shows.

One of the very few miraculous things that humans had created. Growing up in the RDA, Noah and I had been very aware of videos. They were a way to capture a moment that you could replay but essentially, when you broke it down, it was just a bunch of pictures called ‘frames.’

I thought ‘videos’ were boring and I dreaded them. I had always associated them with a new training or a new order. But when I was fourteen and began getting closer to Norm, almost always looking forward to when I could sneak and speak with him, he somehow changed my feelings on videos.

Not only did he share the endless and breath-taking data he had on Pandora, which I found myself looking at almost every spare moment he could, but he also shared these different types of videos called ‘shows and movies.’

He told me they were videos that told stories. A lot of the scientists brought or got these video stories, or films as Max would say, to keep them entertained. Norm thought it was unfair for us to not have entertainment as well.  

He sent the films over one night, loads and loads of files that I stored onto a flash drive and uploaded to the laptop the RDA entrusted me with for research. Noah and I spent every night together watching as many of the films as we could until exhaustion got a hold of us.

Some of them were funny, some of them were sad. But our absolute favorite was actually a show Norm had downloaded for himself. It was a ‘cartoon’ called ‘The Amazing World of Gumball.’ Each of the videos tell a story of Gumball, a blue cat, and his life with his brother Darwin, who is a talking fish.

The storylines were so unbelievable and so impossible yet Noah and I became obsessed with them and since then continue to watch the show. When we were planning to escape we were scared that we would not be able to bring my laptop with all our favorite videos shared.

Since the RDA gave me the device I feared they would be able to track me with it. In the end though I realized how easy it was to deep dive into the internetworkings of a computer and simply disconnect any trace of the RDA. We knew Norm would have the recordings but something about this laptop, our Gumball laptop, made it too important to simply leave behind.

Said laptop is placed between Noah and I as the episode starts, the nostalgic opening sound heightening my mood as I drop my head to lean on Noah’s shoulder. “Wait,” I say, remembering something. “What did Lo’ak tell you?”

“Huh?” he mumbles, looking from the screen to me.

“When you came in here you said that Lo’ said something to you..”

“Oh yeah,” he says, letting out a laugh. “Apparently Spider is into you.” “What?”

“Mhmm,” he hums yet continues to laugh. “Lo’ak thinks it’s because you are the first girl who somewhat resembles his race.”

“Gross, Spider?” I groan.

“Hey, he’s not that bad. You know you love that blue paint and white boy dreads.”

I slap Noah’s arm for saying such mean words about our friend but it doesn’t keep me from belting out a laugh of my own, “You are unbearably stupid, Noah.”

- - -

Neteyam

Practice with Noah was great today, but I am confused.

Just yesterday his twin went through so many things but he seemed so unconcerned. At first I assumed she had not told him in embarrassment or shame, but when I asked how she was doing he seemed to know that she was injured.

Did she lie about what happened to make her injured? 

Or is she actually okay now and they aren’t concerned? 

Or, worse, what is she is distraught about it and doesn’t want anyone to know?

Oh Eywa, what if she was so distraught but didn’t even tell her brother and now she’s just sulking all alone in her room?!

“What’s on your mind, son?” 

“Hm?” I hum, looking over to my father. We were walking back from a late night hunt, the rest of the group split into the directions of their homes.

“You've been distracted today, in your own little world.”

“Yeah,” I agree, stopping.

He does the same, facing me, “What is it?” “Nothing, it's just- What you said yesterday.. Are you really rethinking your decisions about Y/n?”

“I- I don’t know. I have to protect the people, son. You know that.”

“Yes but I also know that Y/n would never do anything like that.”

“You may believe that but there was proof of her hurting them and none of them cutting her. The odds are not in her favor and if it comes down to new people versus old, I am obligated to believe Kumo.”

“What if I could prove that it wasn’t her fault? That she belongs here and Kumo is just a skxawng trying to keep her from our clan?”

There is a beat of pause, “Why do you care so much?” 

He’s assuming things, I can tell by the narrow of his eyes.

“Because,” I sigh. “I know them and I know that this is not something either of them would do, especially Y/n. I care so much because I am sick of Kumo getting away with getting people in trouble. He used to do it with Lo’ak and now he’s trying it with Y/n and I refuse to let it happen if there is anything I can do to stop it.”

My dad almost smiles at my words, not a humorous one but one of pride, “Fine. You have until she is better to bring me some type of proof that justifies her innocence. I trust your word I just- I can’t pick them over our people.” I have to physically keep myself from grinning, nodding instead, “Yes, yes I understand. Thank you, dad.”

He smiles, roughly patting my shoulder as a ‘you’re welcome’ before we move again heading back home. For the rest of the night though my brain churns, through dinner and keeping me up through the night.

Millions of thoughts all pertaining to one subject… proving Y/n’s innocence.

- - -

Y/n

One week.

Seven days.

168 hours.

10,080 minutes.

604,800 seconds.

More specifically; six days, 13 hours, 24 minutes, and about 35 seconds.

That’s how long I've been in my room.

My only visitor has been my brother, checking in on me or, on one occasion, bringing me ointment from Mo’at. A couple times he’d watch Gumball with me after his training but never for long because he’d be very tired from training.

I told him he didn’t have to worry about staying with me because I understand him being tired so, aside from his little check in’s, it’s just been me. In all honesty the free time was nice, I’d watch Gumball, play with my hair, or read. But as the week has progressed this anxious pit has permanently seemed to find its place in my stomach.

It’s fueled by all my subconscious thoughts and worries about whether or not Jake would change his mind about me. Or whether or not I'd get to finish my training, and if I did get to would I even be capable of catching up in time?

It took away my motivation to truly do anything. When I watched Gumball it felt like a chore, my attention focused on my worries and not the cartoon. Even doing my hair was a hassle, the only thing I could get myself to do was pull it in a low bun. 

Reading wasn’t that bad though. I’d have to focus on each word and letter leaving no space for my worries in those moments. In the past three days I've read seven books. Whether it was a science book or old novels the humans had brought, I’d engorge myself with the words all the same.

I was half finished with the book I had started last night when I decided to shower. I’d gotten dressed, back in bed, and back to my book by the time Noah got back. He dropped in to say a quick ‘hello’ before going to take a shower himself.

I go back to my book when there is a knock at my door. My ears peak at the sound. Noah never knocks, and Max and Norm gave up talking to me a while ago.

I sigh as I turn my book upside down on my night stand before stalking over to the door. I opened it just enough to see who was there. To my surprise I am met with a broad, blue chest. My eyes trail up to the face of the person, “Neteyam?”

“Hi,” he smiles.

“Hi?” I say, confused as to why he was here even as I open the door wider for him to enter. “What’re you doing here?” I ask, as I close the door.

“Well, Mo’at wanted me to check on your wound and I wanted to see how you were doing," he explains as I make my way around him, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Oh? Well, I’m fine,” I tell him, not really wanting anyone to try to delve into the details of how I felt right now. I know the second someone tries I will break into a million pieces, each crying out to be picked up, cared for, and put back together again because Eywa knows I couldn’t do it myself.

“Oh okay,” he says, taking only a few steps closer before awkwardly asking, “Can I see your wound, please?”

“Yeah, of course,” I mumbled, realizing I was wearing a bigger t-shirt than normal which made it harder to see my side. I pull it up enough to expose the healing scar.

Neteyam moves much closer, kneeling before me. He inspects it, “It looks much better.” “Thank you.”

“Mhmm,” he hums before reaching into the small bag that was attached to his side. He pulls out a small container, “This is a new ointment that will help it heal all the way.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Mo’at made it so.. probably. But it absorbs so it's only a temporary burn.”

“Okay,” I huff, mentally preparing myself. The cream burns as he applies it over the partially healed skin that lined my stitches. When I wince he moves his hand to rest on my knee. His touch is gentle and comforting as his thumb mindlessly grazes the soft fabric of my pants.

It’s a specific touch that I remember from last week. One that constantly brought me peace even in one of the most horrible events of my life. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought back to his touches over the past week. The way that he held and caressed me with such care when I was hurt.

I’d been held before when I was hurt, only by my brother though. But something about Neteyams touch was different in a way that I couldn’t quite decipher.

All I knew was that for some reason I crave to have that touch more and more.

When he’s done applying the ointment on my side he rises. His hand moves from my knee to my chin, holding my face up so that he could apply more ointment to the gash on my temple. 

I watch him as he works. The way he focuses so hard on the task at hand; his eyes trained on the gash, his brows furrowed, his lips tilted into a small frown, and his ears pulled back.

This very moment brings me back to last week. His gentle touch, his little jokes to lighten the mood, the way he simply cared for me.

Just as it’s been for the last two weeks, the memory is comforting before more memories eat away at that comfort. Memories of those boys' actions, Jake’s words. The way that I truly don’t know what’s going to happen to me after my accusation. The way that my last time in the forest I’ve come to love could have been one that involved me being attacked.

Just like that, this comforting moment is ruined. That pit in my stomach returns, making the back of my eyes and throat burn. I direct my attention from Neteyam’s face to the ceiling, finding the bright glow of the light to be a better focal point.

I can’t break down in front of him, that’s the last thing I need.

Just a couple more minutes and he’ll be gone.

I repeat those words in my head as he finishes applying for the ointment. “All done,” he says.

“Thank you,” I reply, finally looking away from the light, blinking in an effort to get the afterimage of its glow to fade faster.

“You are welcome,” he mumbles, as he returns the ointment to his pouch. “How are you aside from your wounds?” he asked. The pit in my stomach burns, I feel tears prickle at my eyes at the one question I had hoped he wouldn’t ask floods the room. I blink away the tears but he had unfortunately noticed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

If this idiot doesn’t stop questioning me I swear he will be the next person I punch.

“Nothing,” I answer quickly, as I stand and walk aimlessly towards my dresser. I busied myself with moving stuff around to distract myself from the overwhelming urge to cry. “I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m okay..” he responds uneasily. “But how I am does not matter right now. I asked about you.”

“And I said I am fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! What makes you think I’m not?” I grunt.

“You’ve been locked in this lab for days, I could have sworn you were about to cry, and when I ask if you are okay you pretend to be reorganizing your belongings.”

I roll my eyes, “I am not pretending,” I say, moving a picture of Noah and I from the left side of my dresser to the right before moving it back to the left. He lets out an annoyed hiss from behind me, obviously noticing my actions and hating the way I lied. “Why do you even care?” I ask lowly, blinking away the few tears that threatened to fall again.

“Because I care about you, Y/n. And I saw what happened to you, and I heard what my father said and I refuse to believe you are just ‘fine.’ And I know you and Noah have hardly been talking about it and I’m worried about you. So are Tuk and Kiri, and Spider and Lo’ak. We all care so much and I personally refuse to let you be here alone and sad. So please, talk to me.”

His words poke and prod at my resolve, slowly breaking it and allowing tears to fall from my eyes. I bite at my bottom lip, holding back a sob I refused to release. My hands have given up on pretending to be busy, now finding them covering my face. “I don’t want to,” I say, the words muffling into my palms.

I’m so busy trying not to cry that I don't notice he’s approached me until I feel his hands land on the sides of my arms. He does that stupid thing with his thumb where he gently rubs it against my skin, a simple touch that somehow calms me while further destroying my efforts of staying strong. “Why not?” he asks, and I am certain he knows what he’s doing to me.

“Because I’m scared,” I sniffled, dropping my hands to pull at my fingers.

He sighs again before using my arms to turn me to face him. I kept fidgeting with my hands, the last thing I wanted to do was look him in the face. That doesn’t matter though because he does that other stupid thing where he holds my face and forces me to crane my head up and look at him. 

I blink through my tears in an attempt to actually see him. I pick up on the way his eyes soften before following my running tears. His mouth falls into another one of his little frowns, “What are you scared of, sevin?”

I don’t bother myself with asking for the meaning of the unknown na’vi word. “I don’t know,” I mumble, eyes falling to look at the way his braids laid over his shoulders, preferring the sight of that over seeing the way he looked down at me. “I- I just  don’t really understand what went wrong. I don’t understand why those boys hurt me, or why your dad doesn’t believe I wouldn’t do anything like that. And i’m- I'm scared that he will decide I’m better off at the lab or back with the RDA then here. And I worry that Jake’s impression of me will reflect onto my brother and then he will punish him too. And as much as I hate the RDA I would be okay going back. I just couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason Noah had to go back too because he doesn’t deserve that at all. And I'm really scared that even if nothing happens with Jake, I won’t be able to catch up with my training and none of this will even matter.”

I took a deep inhale realizing that in my word vomit I'd began sobbing exactly how I had not wanted to. I let my hands cover my face again, a strained sob escaping my lips before I hold my breath in a poor attempt to stop crying before I continue, “And I am embarrassed that I am crying right now, especially in front of you, because I am also scared that maybe I am not even strong enough to be one of the people, emotionally or physically. I’m scared I’m just not fit for the clan.”

My final confession makes me cry harder into my hands. So hard that I feel nauseous and my body feels the urge to ball up like the little baby I was acting like. “Shhh,” Neteyam says, his voice ever so gentle. “C’mere,” he mumbles, one hand pulling my head to his chest and the other wrapping around my body in a strong embrace.

I don’t hesitate to embrace him back, my arms wrapping tightly around his waist as if he was the only thing keeping me from getting lost in my own anxious thoughts. I genuinely believe he was as I practically tremble in his arms, struggling to simply catch my breath. His muscular form almost consumes my entire figure surrounding me with his warmth and comforting scent. One of his hands ran along the side of my hair as his deep accented voice assured me that everything was okay.

My ear against his chest picks up on the steady sound of his heartbeat. I close my eyes and focus on that steady sound and the way I could feel its rhythm against the side of my head. He continues to hold me even as my sobs turn into smaller cries until I’m sniffling in his arms, taking deep breaths in an attempt to regulate my breathing and slow my heart.

In the wake of my anxiety attack my brain is foggy and I am exhausted. I dread the idea of pulling away from his comforting hold, a big part of me wishing I could stay here forever. Luckily he doesn’t pull away from me, not until I do although he still holds me close. 

He doesn’t force a conversation, but his hand comes to wipe away the remnants of tears on my face. “I’m sorry,” I mumble, my energy to speak any louder being completely drained.

“You need to stop apologizing for being upset. Everyone gets upset, Y/n.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

A deep chuckle comes from his lips, “What are you apologizing for now?”

“I don’t even know,” I answer truthfully, letting my body weight fall forward as I hug him again. His arms instantly wrap back around me. “Thank you, Nete,” I mumbled against him, not even wanting to imagine how bad my breakdown would have been if it had happened while I was alone.

He responds with a deep hum as his hand gently rubs my back, “Feel any better?”

I shrug, “Not really.. Maybe a little. I think I needed to cry. Thanks for being here.” “You don’t have to keep thanking me, either,” he laughs again as I pull away from the hug just enough to look up at him.

“I know, but I feel like I should. You’ve helped me so much.. I don’t even think I have a big enough vocabulary in either English or Na’vi to express how grateful I am.”

“Well I’ll always be here,” he tells me. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about your emotions or what you say to me because at the end of the day I am here to help you. You just have to speak to me.”

I nod, “Okay.. Okay I will try. Just.. maybe not anymore tonight. I’m sorry I just-”

Another one of his laughs cut me off. The sound was so perfect I didn't even mind that he interrupted my sentence, “Stop apologizing. You are under no obligation to tell me anything, ever.. at any point. Eywa, you are stressing so much. You need to get out of this room.”

I roll my eyes, “You’re telling me. It’s so bad even my recent dreams are centered around being in the lab.”

His face shifts into an expression that tells me he’s considering something, “Would you like to get out?”

I nod, “Would love to.”

“Well why don’t we go for a walk?”

“Now?!” I question, my brows furrowing at his question. “But it’s like.. past eclipse by now.”

He shrugs, “It will be safe, you will be with me. Plus we won’t even go that far. It will be fun.”

I take a moment to think through his offer although, deep down, I knew I would say yes. “Okay then. I guess we can go,” I answer sarcastically. “Just let me change.”

“Okay,” he says, detaching himself from me. “I will wait outside.”

I nod in agreement, watching him exit my room before I am practically rushing to change. 

I pull on black cargoes as usual but instead of my tank top I pull on a long sleeved top. It was on the tighter side to keep my arms from getting caught on the flora but it kept my healing scars covered. I fix my low but to look a little less messy and then I am pulling on my boots before I am rushing out the door to meet Neteyam.

I must admit there is a pep in my step I haven’t had in days. I can’t quite decipher if it was because I was getting to leave the lab for a while.. or if it was because of the boy I was getting to leave with.

- - -

Neteyam

Tonight is calm.

The wind is subtle, the sounds of nature are soothing, and the glow of the forest is bright as always.

I’d been worried about Y/n for a while. I spent the last view days trying to convince myself that I was overthinking, that she was fine. That I needed to just worry about figuring out how to prove to my father that she was innocent and belonged. That I didn't need to check on her myself, that if anything was too bad Noah would have told me.

I reached my breaking point today when I cut to the chase and asked Noah about his sister. He shrugged off my response, telling me she was fine. But with the way his ears twitched lower I couldn’t believe him, I had to come see myself. And after what I’d just witness, I’m glad I came.

The poor girl was on the brink of a breakdown even before I began questioning her. Being in this lab was no good for her so, despite it being past the eclipse, I was going to take her on a much needed walk.

The door to the lab screeches as it opens drawing my attention to the Y/n as she emerges. She’d changed into different clothes that matched the Y/n I was used to seeing, not the sad girl I had previously held in my arms. “I’m ready,” she says, walking towards me.

I can’t help but smile when I notice her more relieved expression. “C’mon,” I tell her, nodding towards the forest behind me.

She shuffles to my side as we walk. The walk is quiet, too quiet. So quiet that I am concerned that she’d been sad about something again. But when I look over to her, her attention is on everything around us; the glowing trees, the hyperactive plants. 

Her jaw hangs slightly and her eyes are wide as if she had never seen the forest before. I missed that expression she’d wear whenever she walked around the forest. The way she was so infatuated with the world I grew up around. 

The sound of running water tells me we’re close to our final destination. “This way,” I tell her, guiding her in that direction.

She follows until we reach the thick section of leaves that hang before us. My arm moves them out of the way for the two of us to walk through. “Wow,” she gasps, stopping in her tracks.

I stopped as well watching as she took in the spot I’d brought her to. A small section of the forest that was cut out by surrounding trees and other plants with a small section of a river that ran through. From what I know, nobody knew about it but me. It was my only place of peace. “Za’u,” I say, holding my hand out. (Come.)

She grabs my hand, following me as I guide her towards the river side only speaking when I stop to sit beside the river between two large rocks. She mimics my actions, sitting beside me and crossing her legs, “What is this place?”

I am too focused on watching the way my thumb ran over the smooth knuckles of her tiny hand to even realize she had said something.

Were her hands always this soft?

“Neteyam?” she says, her hand twitching in mine to get my attention.

“Hm?” I hum, finally looking up to her.

There is a small smile on her face when she questions me again, “Where are we?”

“Oh, I’m not really sure,” I mumble, looking around before my eyes land back on her. “I found it a couple years ago. Nobody really knows about it so it’s where I come when I need to be alone.” Her mouth turns into a frown, “What’s wrong?”

“I feel bad, like I'm invading your peaceful spot.”

A small laugh escapes my lips, “I purposefully brought you here, sevin. Don’t worry, you probably need the peace more than I do. And if anyone had to know about my spot I’d want it to be you.”

“Why’s that?”

“I love my family but they have a lot of expectations, I can never fully relax around them. But I don’t ever feel like that around you though.”

Y/n’s face warms to a shade of red I haven't seen in a while. “You’re comfy around me?”

“Comfortable?” I question, seeing if the foreign word she used was associated with another similar word I knew.

She smiles, “Yeah, comfortable.”

I nod, “Yeah, I am comfy around you.”

The word falls oddly from my mouth in a way that makes Y/n giggle, “I’m comfy around you too, Nete.”

I can’t describe it but her words make my chest and face burn. They make a feeling I can’t quite describe surge through my body. It makes me want to hear her tell me more about how I make her feel, makes me want to hold more than just her hand at this moment.

I don’t quite understand why I felt like this, but I had to distract myself from it before I did or say something that I shouldn’t. “Um- plus, I wanted to show you this,” I say, letting go of her hand and dipping mine into the river. The second my hand makes contact with the water the parts that rush against it glow a bright blue. Y/n gasps, amazed just as I assumed she’d be.

She sticks both her hands in the water, watching as the rushing water turns blue at her contact. I decide to talk to her about it, maybe I’d appeal to her interest in Pandora, maybe I’d impress her, “The scientists told me that it’s called-”

“Bioluminescent algae?”

“Yeah,” I smile. ���It’s really rare to see in the forest so I thought you would find it interesting.”

“This is so cool,” she mumbles, her focus more on the algae than my words. I didn’t mind much though, I honestly found it almost adorable how she ran her hands through the water, how a smile strained at her face, and her eyes stayed trained on the water.

“You can swim in it if you want to,” I tell her, drawing her attention back to me. “It makes your skin look like it's glowing, it’s cool.”

An expression mixed with excitement and defeat crosses he features, “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Her ears lower as she looks back down at the water, “It’s embarrassing. You will make fun of me.”

I roll my eyes, “You know I would never do that. C’mon tell me.”

She rolls her eyes herself before mumbling, “I can’t swim.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t swim!”

A small laugh slips my lips, “Seriously?”

Her bottom lip pokes out in a pout, “Hey, you said you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

I bit my bottom lip keeping myself from smiling, “I’m not making fun of you I just.. am surprised. How old are you again?”

She rolls her eyes at me before speaking in a mocking tone, “Ha ha.”

I laugh at her childish behavior, “I mean like why not?”

“Well I grew up in a lab, swimming lessons weren’t on the list of important topics.”

“Ohhh that makes sense.. if thats why then you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Well I am,” she huffs.

Another small laugh escapes my lips, “Don’t worry I will teach you.” She smiles for a moment before it slightly falters and her attention is back on the water. “What is it?” I ask, noticing her change in emotion.

“Do you actually think I will get to stay here for you to be able to teach me?”

“Y/n,” I sigh, reaching to hold her hand again. My hold brings her attention back to me, her eyes glassy again. “You need to stop worrying about this.”

Her bottom lip pokes out again, “But if your dad says I can’t stay then you won’t be able to teach me how to swim. And- and you won’t be my friend anymore and I-”

“Shhh,” I stop her before she can get too carried away with her overthinking. “You aren’t going anywhere, Y/n.”

“How do you know that?” she asks, bringing her other hand out of the water to wipe away her single tear that had fallen despite smudging more water across her cheek.

“Remember when you first visited the village? When you had to go speak with my grandmother?”

“Mhmm,” she hums, nodding her head.

“Well, as Tsahik, my grandmother speaks the will of Eywa herself. She would not have said yes to your request had Eywa been against it.”

“But it’s not Mo’at or Eywa that I am worried about.. it’s your dad.”

I squeeze her hand and sigh, not exactly knowing how to comfort her. “My dad can’t reject the will of Eywa, whatever she has planned will happen. So don’t worry about what my father says, okay?”

“But what if it’s in Eywa’s will for me to not stay here longer than I have. What if this is only temporary and she wants me to go back to the RDA?”

“Then we will deal with that then, okay? As of now my father is giving me the chance to prove you are innocent in this entire situation.”

Her ears peak, “He is? How come?”

“Because I know you didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m not letting anything happen to you or your brother, not as long as I’m around and have a say. I promise you that.”

Her reaction is unexpected. After seeing her pretty warm smile I had expected a simple ‘thank you.’ Half of any of my thoughts cut off when the girl throws herself against me in a hug. I am quick to catch her, my arms wrapping around her waist as hers wrap around my neck. 

She holds me tightly, her head buried so far against my neck that I can feel the smile her lips form against my skin. She moves her face back just enough to mumble out a ‘thank you’ before it rests against me again.

“You’re welcome,” I told her, my head leaning on her shoulder. This hug was different than the last, she wasn't clinging to me in sadness, no this was joy. Joy that’s so grand that I feel it seep from her skin, penetrating my emotions until I can’t help but feel joyful as well.

I squeeze her in my arms, my head mindlessly moving closer to her neck similarly to how she had. The action consumes my senses with an intoxicating smell that I connected to her. A sweet smell I had not encountered since that day I carried her back to the village, one that I crave to smell more.

Luckily for me the girl didn’t seem to have any intention of moving soon, so I pulled her the smallest bit closer, basking in her touch, the way she rested against me, and her smell. I close my eyes in content, this moment is perfect, one I never wanted to leave and would certainly think about later.

What is it about this girl that makes me want to stay in her presence forever?

Our hug lasted longer than the last, so long that I began to think that exhaustion from her breakdown had lulled her to sleep in my arms. Much to my momentary disappointment, the hug does eventually end when a glow of light from behind my closed eyes annoys me until I am forced to open my eyes. The sight is enough to make a slight gasp escape my lips.

One atokirina. It floats before my eyes, close to Y/n’s shoulder. I move my face back from off her shoulder despite the way that Y/n’s head still leans against me. In the absence of my head the atokirina lands on her shoulder.

I gently shake her arm, “Y/n.. Y/n look.”

“Hm?” she hums, finally pulling her head away from my shoulder to look up at me. A hand comes up to rub her eye, maybe she really had fallen asleep.

“Your shoulder,” I whisper. “Look.”

She does what I say, looking at her shoulder before her jaw instantly drops, “Woah.”

“It’s an atokirina.”

She looks up at me and I think she is going to ask me something but a rustling in the trees distract us. We both turn towards the sound, anticipating an animal or maybe even a person, but instead we are met with a bunch of atokirina gently falling from trees.

Totally amazed by the sight before her, Y/n pulls away from me. I can’t help but watch as she makes her way to the center of the clearing, her head tilted up as she watches the atokirina fall towards her.

The moment they begin to land on her a soft giggle escapes her mouth as she turns to me. I can’t help but smile back as I stand and make my way over to her.

Though I stand before her only a few atokirina land on me unlike Y/n whose body is almost completely covered in the glowing forms. I reach up and let one of the woodsprites land on my hand before bringing it to Y/n’s face. 

I watch carefully as the atokirina hops from my hand onto her face. It makes her giggle again. “That tickles,” she whispers as the woodsprite moves softly against her cheek. My mind bursts with understanding as more atokirina land on her face. At this very moment Eywa was confirming the fact that Y/n did in fact belong here whether she believed it or not.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when one more atokirina lands on the last open space on her, her nose. She sneezes and they all float off of her at once. She gasps, hand covering her mouth as they begin floating away, “Oh no, I didn’t mean to scare them.”

“It’s okay,” I laugh, unable to keep myself from smiling as she watches the woodsprites float away. “Do you know what that means?”

She looks back to me, shaking her head, “No.”

“Sit with me,” I say, dropping to sit in the middle of the clearing. She sits in front of me, so close that our knees press up against each other. “You know how  Eywa is connected to every living thing right?”

She nods, “And the energy keeping everything is only borrowed from her until death.”

“Right, well the atokirina are a bit different. They are like little pieces of Eywa herself moving as Eywa would.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion, “I don’t understand what this has to do with anything, Nete.”

I sigh thinking of a more specific way to phrase my words, “They reflect Eywa’s will. The atokirina landed on you. You belong, Y/n. Eywa just showed you that you have nothing to fear.”

A warm smile covers her face, “Really?”

I nod, “Yes, really. When I was young my mother told me of the time where the atokirina stopped her from killing my father back when she saw him as nothing more than a dream walker. They even covered him like they just did you!”

She lets out a small laugh, “You’re very excited about this.”

“I am! I’ve seen the atokirina move before but never in a way like this. The last time Eywa moved like that on behalf of someone who was not Na’vi the person became Toruk Makto and Olo’eyktan!”

“Alright now,” she says, a hand landing on my knee. “I am not going to be anything as grand as either of those names. But if what you are saying is true then I believe you.”

“So you will stop worrying so much?”

“I will try.. but I make no promises.”

“Good,” I smile before looking up. The sight of the sky brings something to mind. “I almost forgot,” I say looking back at her.

“What?”

“This clearing gives the perfect view of the stars at night,” I say pointing up.

She looks up, eyes shining from the light of the trees. “Woah,” she mumbles. I move to lay down on the ground, looking up at the sky. Y/n looks back down at me, “What are you doing?”

“Looking at the stars. It’s nice, lay with me.”

“Okay,” she says, moving to lay just a foot away from me. We both look upwards at the sky. It’s another quiet moment but it isn’t awkward, it’s comfy.

For a second there I began to believe it was so quiet because she had fallen asleep again. I turn my head against the grass to see but I don’t find her eyes closed from sleep, no. They are wide open, eyes seemingly darting from star to star as if she was trying to remember where each of them were placed.

My eyes trail to study her side profile; her long lashes, the perfect slope of her nose, the way her lips had a slight pout to them. The freckled designs on her skin take my attention next. I admire her unique designs, the way that she was the only person to have those specific marks although Noahs were very similar.

I found it interesting how they were brown and never glowed, but now that I see her in the dark of night I know that is not fully true. There’s a few of them that glow like mine, so little that if I took the time I could count them.

Part of me wanted to, wanted to count all the glowing marks on her face, and when I had that number memorized I’d count the ones on the rest of her body. I wanted to know the exact number, to kiss and trace her soft skin as I counted each spot so that I could remember it forever. 

She’d become so smitten with me recently, maybe she’d let me. Let me see her complete beauty, undiminished by her human clothes or any coverings at all. 

But that’d be too much to ask. Because even if she said yes, and I could have her, she’d be the only one I’d ever want. I’ve no clue where my infatuation with her began. Maybe it was her smell that’d got me hitched, it called me to her like an insect to pollen. Or maybe it started that first day I met her, when I saw that perfect smile.

I assume I will never truly know where or when it started, but I do know that as future Olo’eyktan I could not have her. At the end of the day, feelings set aside, I would have to be a leader someday. I’d need a Tsahik by my side. Y/n was learning how to climb through trees just two weeks ago and she isn’t even a part of the clan yet. To even dream of her possibly filling that spot would be wrong.

So as much as it made me want to gag and puke, I swallowed that truth. I would not have her because I know that’d I’d want to be the only one that ever could. I wouldn't want anyone else to know that special number of spots, or all the little things she loved. Whether anyone would realize it or not she’d be mine.

I couldn’t have that but I wouldn’t totally separate myself from her though, Eywa knows I couldn’t. Not now.

The past week she’s all I’ve thought about; memories of our momentary touches, her laugh, and her smell clouding my head until I broke and went to the lab, something I rarely do voluntarily. The only thing that stopped the thoughts was being in her room which smelt intoxicatingly like her, holding her in my arms over and over, and this moment right here, her laying on the grass in the dead of night beside me in the one place I vowed to never bring anyone.

I always thought that nothing could make this place more soothing, but having Y/n here has proved me wrong in so many ways. Being around her felt like an escape from all my worries, even when I was helping her with hers. Because although she thinks I am helping her, which I am, what she doesn’t realize is she’s simultaneously helping me too. 

That’s the reason why I will keep running back to her until the day that I am officially promised to another. I’ll keep holding her, and laughing with her. I’d share every part of me that I could because even though I know she can’t be mine, I fear I may already be hers

I turn my head back up to the night sky, pointing up to one of the brighter stars, “You see that star right there?”

“Mhmm,” she hums.

“That is where my dad came from.”

“Really?” she asks, her voice like a gentle song.

“Yeah, Norm told me it'd take 4.37 light years to get here from there. I don’t really understand how they travel with light, especially with all the machines they bring.” Y/n lets out a giggle, a sound that is so small but makes me turn my head to her again, “What?”

“They aren’t traveling with light,” she says, glimpsing at me before looking back up at the sky. “It’s just a measure of time since light moves so fast.”

“How fast?”

“About 186,000 miles per second. A light year is just a measure of how long it would take light to get somewhere when compared to the length of an Earth year.”

“365 days?” I recall, remembering some of the very few things I’d learned about Earth.

“Yeah, that’s right,” she smiles. “In the span of that many days light is able to travel almost 6 trillion miles. So they use that number to simplify how long it actually takes to get somewhere so far away. From Earth to here is like 26,000,000,000,000 miles away which means it would take thousands of years but with light years you can just say about four years even though it's much more.”

“You know a lot about this stuff.”

She nods, turning to face me, resting her head on her arm, “Learning was one of my hobbies for a while. I hyper focused on learning as much as I could because I had a feeling it’d be important someday even though I thought I’d never leave that lab. Now it kinda feels like useless information.”

“It’s not useless, there will be a use for it some day I’m sure. Was learning and jewelry-making your only hobby?”

“No, I had other sporadic hobbies that I would get over. A consistent one was watching this show that Norm sent Noah and I a file of, we still watch it together.”

“What is a show?”

“Um, do you know what just a plain video is?”

“Yeah?”

“Well a show is basically just a video but with plot.. like a story being told with a video. It’s pretty cool you should watch it with me someday.. if you want to of course.”

I smile at her uncertainty, “I would love to. Sounds interesting.”

She smiles back before turning to look up at the stars again, “Is star-gazing your hobby?”

“Yeah,” I say, turning to look at the stars as well. “I have a couple others but this is probably the most relaxing one.”

“I agree,” she yawns.

We fall into another long moment of silence. After a while though, it’s too silent. I look over and this time, instead of finding her gazing up at the stars, her eyes are closed and her face is tilted to the side as she sleeps.

She looks so peaceful, so unbothered by all the things going wrong in her life. It seems to be such a rare state for her to be in. I almost don’t have the heart to wake her up, but I’d prefer she sleep under her fluffy cloths I saw in her room than on the floor of the forest tonight.

“Y/n?” I say.

“Hmm?” she hums, turning her head fully against the grass and curling herself up towards me.

“I think we should walk back to the lab, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbles, but she doesn’t move. She stays there, sleeping on the grass.

I laugh at her refusal to get up, gently shaking her with a hand on her waist. “Y/n.”

“Whaaat?” she grumbles, eyes flickering up to me.

“I’m gonna walk you back to the lab, c’mon.”

“Okay,” she mumbles again, but this time she stands with me.

The walk to the lab is just as nice as the walk to the spot, although a part of me feels bittersweet from the thought of having to be without her again. I walk her up the stairs of the lab, standing at the bottom as I watch her climb them. 

She turns back to me from the top platform. “Did you have fun?” I ask.

“Yes,” she smiles. “I really needed to get out and I almost forgot how fun you were to be around, so thank you.”

“Of course, anytime. You’re fun to be around too.” She smiles, before turning to open the door, but she freezes. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” she answers, turning back to me. “Did you maybe want to watch that show thing I told you about with me?”

“Right now?”

Her face turns red as her eyes wander to the trees, “I mean yea, if you want to.. if not then-”

“Sure.”

Her eyes snap back to me, “Wait really?”

“Yeah,” I laugh.

“Oh okay,” she says, turning back to open the door. “C’mon.” I follow her through the lab all the way to her room. She closes the door behind her before moving to one of the pieces of furniture that holds clothes, “I’m going to change, you can lay on my bed if you want.”

“Okay,” I say as she walks over to another door in her room, entering the smaller room and closing the door behind her.

My gaze moves to her bed. The long surface is covered in cloths and fluffy things at the top. Spider had spoken to me about beds before, telling us that they were comfortable but of course making sure to emphasize the point that he loved the surfaces the na’vi slept on.

I question the unknown surface that I was expected to lay on. I start with pressing a knee onto the surface, surprised by how it sinks into the material. I move my hands to push against it watching how they sink into the seemingly solid material.

I crawl the rest of my way onto the bed, plopping myself down. I am amazed with the way it seems to support me, with the way the cloths are so soft, and of course how all of it smelled of Y/n. 

I moved to lay myself at the top of the bed, surprised that this thing could fit my entire height. I lay my head on one of the fluffy things at the top of the bed amazed by how it supports my head like the bed but was so soft. I grab the other fluffy thing beside me and hold it over my face, burying myself in the soft warmth of it.

A gentle laugh fills the air, “What the hell are you doing?”

I pull the thing away from my face and turn to look at Y/n who is laughing to herself, “What is this thing?”

She walks over to the bed, grabbing a rectangular device from the table beside it before crawling onto the bed herself, “My pillow?”

“I love your pillow,” I tell her, burying my face into it again.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s so soft and it smells like you,” I tell her, somehow she understands me despite the pillow

“What do I smell like?”

“Good.”

“Thanks,” she laughs. “Now can I get my pillow back?”

“Mhmm,” I hum into the pillow, before passing it over to her. She maneuvers it behind her, leaning her back against it.  I follow her action, sitting up to lean against the pillow behind me. She places the rectangle she had grabbed on her lap, “What’s that?” I ask.

“My laptop,” she tells me.

“What does it do?”

“It’s like one of those big computers Norm and Max have but,” she places it on my lap, “it goes on your lap. It’s what Noah and I watch our show on.”

“Ohhhh,” I say, tapping the top of it. “How does it work?”

She leans over and opens the top of it, “Like this.” The screen glows and a circle swirls in the center of the screen until Y/n moves the laptop in view of her face. Only then does it seem to give her access. She taps around before turning the laptop more to face me again, “We’re going to start on the first episode.”

“Okay?” I say, not even understanding what an episode was.

Y/n rolls over and pulls a string on the light beside her bed, leaving us in the dark except for the light of the screen. She taps a button and leans on my shoulder as the screen begins playing a tune and showing bright colored  beings that look so unrealistic. 

When the song ends the first thing that pops up is a blue being with ears like mine, it’s talking to orange fish with legs. “What the hell is this?” I ask her. “Is that blue thing mocking me?”

“What?” she says, tapping something on the device to make the show stop before looking up at me. I look down at her, folding my ears against my head, that seems to make her realize. “Oh god,” she says before busting out in laughter.

“Are you mocking me now too? This isn’t funny, Y/n.”

“No, no I’m not,” she says, although she keeps laughing. “He’s supposed to be a cat!!”

“A what?”

Y/n deeply inhales, composing herself before speaking again, “A cat is an animal from Earth, and this show was made long before humans learned about Pandora.”

“So this is not a mockery?”

“No,” she giggles. “Just a coincidence. Now, can we watch the show?”

“I guess,” I huff sarcastically. She smiles before playing the show again and dropping her head back to rest perfectly on my shoulder.

The show is pretty entertaining even though I struggle to understand half of what the odd looking characters are speaking about. I watched about five parts of the show before I realized that the girl resting on my shoulder had dozed off again.

I try to gently move her from off me with the full intention of leaving without disturbing her rest. My attempts fail though when the second I try to move her she stirs just enough to mumble out a ‘no.’

“What was that?” I ask, hands hovering over where they had just touched her.

“Please stay,” she practically whines in her sleepy state. Her words are enough to make my heart melt, but when her arms maneuver their way around my torso I feel all my insides melt.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” she hums, head pushing against my arm. I take the gesture as a silent request for me to move my arm. I lift it, placing it behind her as her head finds a new resting place against my chest. “Please? ‘m comfy,” she mumbles again, barely fighting sleep just to hear my response.

“Okay,” I answer, bringing a hand up to push a few of her stray hairs away from her pretty face. “I will stay.”

I am able to spot the smallest sleepy grin that appears on her face before her soft voice elicits a small, “Yay.”

She’s quick to fall back asleep but I find it hard to feel the tiniest bit tired. Not because I had not wanted to sleep, but because of how hyperaware I am of the situation I've found myself in. 

I try to focus on the show that is still playing, seeing as I didn’t fully understand how to turn it off, but I am too distracted by the way that Y/n’s arms rest around me, or the way that her head would occasionally nuzzle further against my chest. I could feel and even hear the gentle rise and fall of her breathing against me.

I am surrounded by her; her touch, her smell, and her soft sounds. I disregard watching the show, opting to add the sight of her to my list. She looked so perfectly peaceful in this moment, thick lashes resting against her uniquely colored cheeks, her plump lips just barely parted.

I can’t stop the feeling of desire that rushes through me, I want to stay in this moment, or any of the other amazing moments I heard with her today, forever.

Realization is the next feeling that runs through me. The realization that maybe I was getting too attached to these moments, to this girl. The thought that should scare me, that I should avoid,  warms my body and quickens my heart rhythm to the point that I am surprised the loud thumping had not awoken her.

I am distracted from my realization as a soft hand trails up my torso, landing to press on my chest. “Y’okay, Nete? Heart’s fast..” she slurs and I feel bad for keeping her from resting for the third time today.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I reassure her, moving her hand to wrap around me instead of pressing against me in a way that felt almost too intimate. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Mmmk,” she hums, arm tightening back around me on their own as she falls back asleep.

As Y/n rests in my arms I can’t help but wonder how she would react if she knew that the very heart that had just woken her up was beating at the simple thought of her. Would she pursue that desire? Or would it scare her away from me?

It of course wouldn’t matter, I could never have her because I had a duty to fill. I was going to be Olo’eyktan and I would need to find a Tsahik so I could not pursue Y/n no matter how much I wanted to.

I constantly remind myself of this fact but for some reason I just can’t seem to care that much. For the first time in my life I have something to be selfish about and I can’t seem to make myself feel bad about it.

I’ve spent my entire life giving up what I wanted but in this moment, as I finally come to terms with the growing feelings I have for the girl in my arms, I decide that if I would ever ensure I got what I wanted.. I would get Y/n.

- - -

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I am sorry it took so long for me to update. A mix of school and personal life just got really stressful and I didn't have much time to write anything worth posting. I appreciate everyone who is intrested in my story but I don't think I will be able to post as frequently as I tried to in the begining. I started trying to post weekly but it began to feel like a chore and took the fun out of it and the product of that was really shitty writing. So, even though I will definetly try to avoid not posing for an entire month, my posting won't be scheduled. BUT I DEFINETLY WILL AVOID NOT POSTING FOR A WHOLE MONTH BECAUSE WHAT?! Anyway I hope you enjoyed the story and I promise I will try to post soon! - Mak <3

Taglist:

(A special thanks to you guys for your support <3)

@cleverzonkwombatsludge @peachycrime @jackiehollanderr @fanboyluvr @killua2dot0 @neteyamsbabymomma @lovedbychoi @aihimitsu @ken-zah @ghostmadeofglass @alfie2401 @awow-2

[bonefall]

Hey Bonefall! Got a wide and weird variety of Clanmew things to share/ask about! Spent some time translating a mix of straight OCs and also clangen cats, and thus I’ve got some names to show off and also a varied list of words I ran into a lack of.

Cherryclaw - Obeorussyskat

Cherry leaves who will unsheathe claws

Also known as Sookie, this is the warrior name I’ve given to my cat. Name is coming from cherry, making it specifically the leaves of the cherry tree since she’s a beautiful tortie, and then yskat from the term for unsheathing claws, as I wanted a more active term than just referring to the body part. If I’m getting how nicknames work right, I think a suitable nickname would be Obekat, but you might notice a better one.

This also turned up a word I think would be helpful - what would be the term for specifically leaves which have fallen to the ground in leaffall? Like, piles of rustling leaves on the ground. I think that’d fall a lot closer to what I was getting at.

Cranestar - Bwabwashai

Egret star / Cranelight / Egret who shines

Previously known as Bwabwashemi, this one is using the egret as a reasonably similar bird which had a word in the lexicon.

Oakbranch - Byochchobyrr

Oak tree branch

This one was a big chunk of time and turned up a decent chunk of words desired, as Oakbranch is a cleric and fathers a litter of kittens with Cranestar and thus I decided to dabble in dishonour names with him, though it would be given by a different leader likely.

I ended up wanting the general meaning of “tree branch dead from breaking a vow”, so using Babechok in place of the prefix and using a term for a broken vow as the suffix - ideally a term for specifically the cleric vow, but a general promise would work too. Thus, under this I was wondering what the words for promise/vow, honourable, broken vow, forbidden, and dishonourable would be. (Don’t worry I’m gonna add a bullet list at the end)

Nightfall - Mebwynfe

Vesper fall

Nickname attempt Mebfe? This is one of my oldest cats created, along with her sister following.

Moonamber - Shomaogi

Moon resin

Nickname attempt Shogi? She’s a cleric and sisters with Nightfall.

Batwing - Shi’poafafa

Noctule (biggest bat named) who fluttered

Nickname attempt Shifa? This one also turned up a word request- the Lexicon has a word for specifically a feathered wing, but not the skin wings of bats - what would that be? I’m actually really happy with what I ended up with, but it feels like a gap which should be considered.

Following are more rapid-fire clangen names, and then a list of words from above and this list which I couldn’t find.

Blizzardhare - Os’hauooyywaya - blizzard hare

Cressmark - Shushchafakonpen - stream plant patch fur patch

Fawnstripe - Myaaseek - baby deer long thick stripe

Ghostdazzle - Kooskepshayu - ghost lights source

Riversong - Ssbassoowamew - River lullaby

Spruceneedle - Fiffnyyp - Douglass fir pine needle

Streakstar - Seekshai - long thick stripe star

Swampdusk - Kolpfawmun - swamp dusk

Talonrump - Kachswash - claw tail

Beavertuft - Morfafaofa - general mustelids (otter) tuft of hair

Missing words which I think are plausible for the base region from this set - Watercress, Mark, Rump, Talon

Final List of Words I was Missing

A bat’s wing

Leaflitter / fallen leaves on the ground in fall

Honourable

Dishonourable

Vow / promise

Broken vow / promise

Watercress

Mark

Rump

Talon

Thanks for making up such an interesting conlang, I had a great time poking through the lexicon and naming cats.

Oh my god you even made a list organizing all your requests I love you so much you have no idea

I need to update Yet Another masterpost (And we just got the Lexicon up to date!) so let me hook you up to all the terms you need;

Types of Wings

There are a LOT of words for specific types of wing in Clanmew, related to the fact Clanmew is a language of obligate carnivores and active hunters. There isn't just "Flying," there are a LOT of types of "flight" and each wing produces a very different kind of rapid movement.

Someday I will also expand on the types of Beof, feathered wings.

Bat wing, has a bit of a "tragic" connotation if not used in the context of a living bat, as dead "songbirds" are a very sad thing to Clan cats = Pafr

Hard, outside wing of some insects, such as beetles, "Shield" = Bakbur

Clear, iridescent flight wing of insects, "Elytra" = Kaskr

Beautiful, patterned wing of a butterfly or moth, "painted" by StarClan. Has a holy connotation = Wesk

Pectoral fin of a fish, NOT the tail-fin, the "arm" wing = Sseo

Values

Here's honor-related terms, in order of least insulting to most insulting.

Honor = Kurruar To say something is honorable (good thing), the suffix -wang is appended. Kurruarwang. Honorness. To negate, the prefix Nyar is applied. Nyarkurruarwang, Not-Honor-Ness. You can come back from dishonor, it's the politest way to phrase that someone has not been acting in line with the value of Honor.

Beastliness, gauchness, lacking in good taste = Ragywar This is usually applied to taste, meaning a cat who will eat raw meat or bite through their tunnelbuns, but it could also be used in a context meaning that the cat acts like an "animal." Driven by lesser instincts.

Cannibalism/Eats its own young/Acting in extreme self-interest = Mwyrgna This is the lowest kind of NATURAL evil... but still natural. It's the evil of cuckoo birds, frightened animals that eat their own young, killing out of self-interest. VERY serious insult.

Unnatural Evil/Cruelty/Sadism = Yaonyyw This is not something that cuckoo birds are even capable of. It's unnatural evil. It's pleasure at seeing another thing suffer, for no other reason than to see it in pain. It's what Clan cats think humans do when they cut the claws off their kittypets. It's unspeakable, but rare.

And on vows,

Promise = Minki NOT a holy vow. Just one you make between people. Also can be used to mean "reliable," "Capable of keeping promises."

Vow/Oath = Shemiyyo A sacred promise, one you make on authority of your holy name. VERY few things are vows of this level-- the most common vow to make is the one you do during your Warrior Name Ceremony, making an oath to uphold the code.

ONES I HAVE ON-HAND

I answered this ask a while back which includes the word for "talon," Chuag, the unretractable claw of a non-feline animal.

I also answered this one for beavers after you'd already sent this, beavers are actually England-compliant, surprisingly

Fallenleaf's name is over here, step-by-step walking through its etymology even! Her name in Clanmew, Wowaruss is basically "Leaf Litter," but literally "Beneathleaf," the fallen layer of leaves in a forest.

CRESS

THREE types of Cress. As a treat. Any of these can translate to cress if you'd like, or the alternate translations I'm including.

Watercress (Nasturtium officinale) = Qwerru From Duck + Leaf, because this is a favorite fodder of ducks and geese. VERY unhealthy for cats, doesn't cause instant poisoning but WILL lead to kidney stones if eaten a lot. Thankfully, it also tastes Bad.

Stune (Cardamine hirsuta) = Berrsha Also called "Hairy Bittercress" in English, used as a medicinal herb. Widespread, very common, and seen in early Spring which can make it very useful for Clerics running low on other medicines. "Stune" comes from Old English btw. it's an archaic name for this plant but I do what i want. Language is an illusion and so are pants.

Rocket (Barbarea vulgaris) = Eberr Called "Bitter Wintercress" or "Yellow Rocket" in English, a much better version of stune. Pops up in abundant, cheerful flowers, hence the English name. NOT EATEN; used as a poultice for treating wounds.

Everything Else

Just a couple more things of assorted flavors;

Mark = Neb A scent marker, DOESN'T JUST APPLY TO SPRAYING but, yes, that is also a neb. A kitty "kiss" is also a mark being applied.

Anointed/Anointing/Will Anoint = Kembaneb/Kembane/Kemban To intentionally leave a mark, usually of a substance that smells nice, on a living thing. Has a spiritual connotation, used in some rituals. Can be used for a metaphorical kitty kiss, if your feelings are being returned, you're being brought into a family, etc. When Frostfur taught Cloudtail how to apply makeup to his dull, white pelt, teaching him how to look 'beautiful' as if she was officially accepting him as her son-in-law, THAT can also be considered an Anointing.

Border-Marked/Border-Marking/Will Border Mark = Ssognassa/Ssognass/Ssogna There's no way to get around this. This is spraying. It is urine. They are Cats. This is specifically when you are setting a scent mark, such as that for a border.

Glyph/Written Word/Character = Karm Like a letter! It's something written down. See the Glyphs.

And... rump. Honestly I'm always super confused by this one when I see it in Clangen? Like... My brain's always trying to place what that means.

Is it like, a tuft on the lower spine? Is it the "butt button" that makes a kitty stretch their booty up when you scratch it? Is it the flank of the upper leg? Does it just mean butt cheek?? Who wants to be named BUTTCHEEK?

SO HERE. HERE'S EVERY ONE OF THOSE THINGS, YOU PICK

Spine (the entire back) = Chabak

Rump-tuft, could also apply to "pantaloon" tufts as seen on some longhaired breeds = Chaofa

Rump/Butt Zone/sensitive spot on the lower back of a cat = Chawka (Also used to describe something they have a "soft spot" or passion for)

Belly Zone/Spot that cats don't like having touched on their belly = Bowka (Also used to describe "weak point")

Upper leg/Haunch = Pwaio Sometimes translated as the "foot" suffix. When used in a name, means quick to spring or a good runner, usually outside of WindClan.

Buttcheek = Soopen Also the present-tense of "Sitting." The butt, the thing you use to sit down with.

[tulipe-rose]

Weird theory came to mind, weird theory is written and posted. Author somewhat regrets it.

So... What if Katai gets put into the Port Mafia exchange? Hear me out on this--

The agreement never explicitly stated that it had to be a current member. Rampo being Rampo, would be easily capable of exploiting this loophole to have Katai recruited into the Mafia for some genius reason I probably may never have the brain power to conjure up. (Maybe it has to do with the fact that Dazai is still out of commission going after Fyodor. Idk man /⁠ᐠ｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\)

This exchange could be the start to a character arc for Katai, focusing on the moral turmoil he'll be facing there, given he despises the Port Mafia, and their methods with a burning passion. He's so resentful towards them, and I can only guess that Kunikida's ideals rubbed off on him in this aspect. Working amongst them must be his worst nightmare.

The sheer guilt of aiding such an organization would probably weigh heavily on Katai's conscience, feeling as though he betrayed everything he believed in the moment he, albeit reluctantly, agreed to take up the exchange. He knew the risks, but he knew why he was chosen, and why his participation was crucial. The Agency needed him now more than ever, and this is the safest course of action they could take, so he'll go in with a heavy heart. I can see his persona at work to be portrayed as "That one ghostly presence in the office no one wants to interact with outside of necessity."

I'm not sure whether or not he'd continue on his habit of being a shut in at his work place, solely for the fact that he'd probably feel uncomfortable staying there, but I can only guess. This exchange would be an excellent opportunity to finally give us more information on Kunikida's past, and his. What turned him into such a pessimist towards life? How did Kunikida find him? Was Kunikida always an idealist? What opened his eyes to it? I saw a couple of people saying that Kunikida was probably a delinquent, and honestly, I'm loving that.

Katai would eventually have to interact with his love at first sight, Gin; it might not be that big of an 'opportunity', and more of an 'obligation' in his eyes now that he knows the truth behind her identity. They'd start off with barely any words exchanged, the atmosphere a mix of awkward tension, and wish to get things done as quickly as possible. They'd be strictly professional, mostly due to the unsocial tendencies they harbour, and their interactions getting more, and more limited due to the fact that Katai's expertise, and rank, were more specialized due to his ability, and situation with the Mafia.

Gin might be a little too curt, but to her credit, his first impression on her was by far one of the most confusing moments of her life. They do somehow end up in a situation where they stay in close enough vicinity long enough to converse; this allowing them to share their perspectives (Gin wouldn't really say much, probably nothing beyond the fact that she joined to be with her brother.) Katai's views of the Mafia continue to stay dark, and he still believes that their actions are inexcusable, and his cooperation is solely for the benefit of the ADA, but his feelings towards Gin aren't conventionally that begrudged; she's now his coworker, and isn't necessarily doing him any harm.

Having the arc occur at the Mafia could be a very nice break from the heavy arc that preceded, but that opinion might be exclusive to me. (I'm also dying to know what happened to Tachihara and Jōnō; the lack of follow up is killing me.)

Now, let's switch over to the Agency's opinion on this.

Kunikida. God--

This entire exchange situation was a mess, and Kunikida was probably the most affected by it; if not more than Katai himself. He'd need to take a day off, absolute confusion clouding his senses, keeping him in the confines of his room to process the information he had to handle. The internal struggle, and sorrow of losing his closest friend, and comrade, to the Mafia of all people. His break wouldn't last long, but upon his return, everyone could tell that by the looks of it; this man did not have a moment of rest. The president gives Kunikida his time, but once he notices that this might end up in him spiraling into a loop; he decides to approach him. He'll give him a motivational speech, letting him in on the details, and the reason why it had to be Katai. (Katai could maybe send him a small secret message only they understand (secret childhood friend code), assuring him they'll get through it.)

If you're wondering why Mōri didn't object is, because Katai's ability is extremely useful, and works well in their line of work.

I'll just have you know that the only back up I have for this what if is that I thought it would be so hilarious, and unexpected.

[lordamaranthus]

I’m trying to reign in my excitement for the Pokemon legends Z-A game since it’s coming out next year

So INSTEAD

I made a bingo prediction sheet. A large chunk of these are just things people have been speculating/hoping for, some are things I want, a few are things I do not want, and a few of them purposefully contradict each other

With some long winded, too detailed explanations for most of them under the read more :]

[These are just for fun, and purely speculation/hopes]

Mega Charizard Z: [/hj] For the love of fucking god GF I do not want to see this lizard anymore. I know you’re obsessed with him. I wish to be free.

Kalos Starters/Random Mix of Starters: I feel like even though we had a random mix in the first Legends game, it’s not a guarantee that they’ll be doing the same for this one; I think it’d be cooler to finally give the main three Megas instead, but I wouldn’t complain if it did end up being a random selection

Tera Raids of the box legendaries in SV: They were skipped over when they brought the older legendaries in the dlc; please, I would like to see my children again

[Fade to Black, SFX, Fade back in]: Since you’re giving the game an extra year and not forcing the Devs to spew out the game as fast as possible, that means we’re getting a little bit better animations, right?

…Right?

Set in the Future/Past: I’ve seen a lot of people go back and forth over this because of the crumbs we were given, so I figured I’d put both on here so I could win either way 💅💅

Megas are the next Nobles: I’m just going on a whim since this is only our second Legends game, so who actually knows what the plot points are going to be

Slightly Cleaner Art Style/Exact Same Art Style: This is another one I’m personally hoping for, I did really like the way the last one looked, but some things were a bit weird to me, like the light purple shadows on everything. When the trailer comes out I’ll be changing this card once I have my answer

AZ. In general.: I just wanna know more about him. Crumbs, even. Gimme info on that weird ass tall fucker.

New Megas: This is gonna be a free space, and immmm really hoping it is a guaranteed free space

Ultimate Weapon Plot Point: The emotions I felt coursing through my pre-teen body when the weapon fucking rose from the ground and knocked over several houses? Gimme that but multiply it.

More Lore of the War: Kind of a filler space, but also I thought it sounded funny when I typed it out

Emmet in Paris/Ingo: A lot of people immediately jumped to the conclusion that it would be Emmet becoming French for this game, but I’ve seen a few arguments[jokingly] for Ingo, so I’m covering my bases and putting both on here. I’m not getting my own hopes up, I’m going to assume neither are in the game juuust in case

New forms for the legendaries: I am a Gen 6-er who’s starving for crumbs. I never see my legendaries anywhere. I think Megas would be fuckin badass but honestly I’ll take a singular grain of anything

Xerneas and Yveltal fighting: God of Peace vs God of Destruction, fighting? Unheard of. Revolutionary story idea. I’d eat it up.

Diantha’s Ancestor: We got to see one champions ancestor, let’s see another’s :D However. They must be fashionable. This is non-negotiable.

Mega Mewtwo Z: Exact same as Charizard, I feel like if you give one a mega you’re obligated to give the other one as well, or else people will complain or question it too much. I put them in the same column because I feel confident that you can’t have one without the other

Volo: A lot of people are speculating this because he says some stuff after you fight him, and while I would definitely prefer to have a different antagonist for this game I wouldn’t really complain about it either

New Legendary/Returning Mythicals: Maybe a new one kinda like how we got Enamorous, but im mostly hoping that the mythicals come back for this game because I’m trying to have a living Dex in Pokemon Home and I have NONE of the mythicals. Like at all. I am not selling my soul to get them

[penroseparticle]

Penrose Song of the Day, Day 39: London Calling by The Clash

So I used to scorekeep hockey games a lot. Like a lot a lot. There was a period of time where I could make about 400 bucks a week scorekeeping games on the weekends. I ran the scoreboard, the reporting to Gamesheet (A scorekeeping app), kept a paper scoresheet, and did the music. It was a lot of work to run all 4 of those things at once! Especially if a game got busy.

I've done house level, Travel level, AA and AAA, Really everything. At a certain point you learn the scoreboard machine. You learn when to click what buttons when which whistles blow and you start to get almost mechanical. Like an automaton that reacts to specific noises. And the thing is that no matter how great or badly I did at scorekeeping, no one ever mentioned it after. I could royally fuck up putting the score on the board and I would still get called back the next week to do the clock. Parents notoriously hate working the scoreboard- they just want to watch their kid and get in fights with the refs. Easy money. I charged 60 bucks a game and they forked it over gladly (Hockey parents don't care man. They're paying 8k for the season anyways sometimes. House is like 2k, travel can be way more with hotels, airfare, etc. It's an expensive sport. What's an extra 60 bucks a season to not have to sit in the box and freeze while missing Timmy score a goal.)

What I CONSISTENTLY got praise for was the music I played.

Now I think I have good taste, but I'm not like. Special. Most people have similar tastes, everyone's on the bell curve of "can tell a song is good" vs. "Carrying tunes in tin buckets". It's helped by the fact that some things are kind of obliged- certain songs are, for lack of a better word, required (For instance, Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis is a Chicago Goal song. So if you are doing hockey music in Chicago, you ARE including that song no matter what. Period). So building a good playlist isn't that hard. A little The Alan Parson's Project to kick the games off. Some Chumbawumba for after a tough hit. The Hockey Song because this is Youth Hockey.

The mainstay of the list, for better or worse, is a classic rock/arena rock/current pop mix. It's what people expect, it's what I mostly have to deliver. Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band, Huey Lewis and the News, Duran Duran, One Republic, that kind of thing. It's consistently a crowd pleasing list, and it's gotta have energy, be recognizable, and be something that people will want to hear possibly twice over a hockey game. The original playlist was something like 50-60 songs. I thought that would be enough, because I am stupid. Turns out hockey games have 30-50% of their game time with the clock stopped- as in, the times when someone would typically play music to fill dead air. So I added more songs. Put on some Rush because I'm catering to the Dad demo. Putting Imagine Dragons and Boss Beat music in its natural habitat (Don't look at me like that, I've been to sporting events, these songs are made for this). Some pop girlies because I like sports, but I'm still gay. Kesha. Lady Gaga's Bad Romance (permissible due to it surviving in the zeitgeist, etc.).

And then I got... weird with it. One of the first goal songs I ever used was Otherworld. As in, the boss music for when you fight Jecht in Final Fantasy X. VGR's Electronic Amp-Up of Mii Channel features prominently and is a huge crowdpleaser with the 25-45 crowd. Baby Shark exists for when I want to annoy people. Megolovania is on it for god's sake. If it sounds good and is a little Easter egg for someone listening, trust and believe that I put that song on the list.

People loved it. Every game, without fail, between 1 and 3 people would find me after to compliment the music. The playlist was good! I named it "18U no vursing" and have used it for about 6-7 years now.

The problem with making a good playlist is that you have to constantly top yourself. I wanted to make the list better. Have more fun with it, include more jokes, more clever remixes and mashes. Things that people would like.

What made that easy was something so simple I almost overlooked it. People already told me what they would like. There's a reason arena rock, classic rock, and pop music are the bog standard. It's what works for the medium and what people like to listen to.

There's such a thing as getting too in the weeds, too obscure. You gotta remember your audience, your goals, and your scope. I wasn't debuting hot new artists (ok I was sometimes). I was playing music for people during their kid's sport. And so I readjusted my scope. The playlist grew. A few indie picks, the gags that worked (Mii Channel, Baby Shark, Electronic music with a hidden secret, etc.), but mostly pop and rock and that's all.

I'll let you in on the secret for why my hockey playlist got so good and why people started to love it so much. I'll tell you the secret to making any list popular. I started getting suggestions.

And I listened to them.

The first song I added to the playlist due to a suggestion was London Calling. I like The Clash, but there's billions of songs out there, I hadn't thought to put them on yet. But a ref skated up to me during stoppage of play and said "Hey do you have The Clash on there?" and I realized I didn't. I added it mid-game and played it between the 2nd and 3rd periods.

He thanked me after the game.

A couple weeks later I was asked if I had the soundtrack for Slap Shot on there. I started playing Maxine Nightingale, Leo Sayer, the works. The guys had a hoot and were laughing and smiling between periods.

I noticed that refs were a little nicer when I flubbed the scoreboard if I was playing songs they requested.

I asked one of my teams if they had a specific warmup song they wanted me to play. They were delighted to tell me it was Levels by Avicii. I played it every game to kick things off. Another team told me it was Welcome to DC by Mambo Sauce. A third said Welcome to the Jungle.

The playlist grew. It's 400 songs long now. Like a full 24 hours straight.

I don't scorekeep as much now. But I think I'll keep building the playlist, thanks.

~~~~~~~~

Scorekeeping was nice, but playing the music was the part that made it fun. It's made me realize one thing about myself- If Radio DJ was still a job in a way that was meaningful or mattered, I would want that job. I would probably kill for that job, actually. Listening to callers tell me they missed Chappell Roan could I please play Good Luck Babe. Or telling me that their dad's favorite song was Mr. Blue Sky so thank you so much for playing it. Girls having me play Before He Cheats for their dick ex-boyfriend. Wishing people Happy Pride with an hour mix of queer artitst. Having call in time so people could just chat.

I kind of am doing that here, and now, but in slow, painstakingly written, long-form music recommendations. I like making playlists. I love getting music dialogue going with my followers. I like discovering new music, and talking about it with people here. I am slowly, surely, working the same muscles I would need to do exactly that job, just quietly and in my own personal little corner of the world.

You know I have a discord server I made? I haven't added anyone to it, and I probably won't do anything with it. Yet. It's called Radio Waystation. Let me just link the only post I've made in there so far:

"This is for playing your music and sharing it- I might set up a radio rotation but. Essentially I want to use voicechat to let us showcase our music to each other when we want to. Dynamically- You can run a prepared playlist for your radio time, you can do a Q&A or ~Call In~ time. You can actively Disc Jockey. You just have to share your sounds to other people. Your radio time, your rules- you can acquiesce to people's tastes, you can troll people, you can play the sound of silence. You can play the same song over and over. You can express yourself. And sometimes people will say THAT SUCKS and not enjoy your presentation, but ultimately your time is yours alone. (no tolerance of intolerance loophole bullshit- you know what kind of shit will get you pulled off the air, don't be a dirtbag). Workshop a song, get help putting ikea together. But I hope you play some music."

Hey I'm nothing if not consistent.

I now know that's a lot more complicated due to how Spotify and Discord interact, and whether it's strictly speaking legal (I am intimately familiar with music licensing requirements due to my past job, thanks). But I think it's something worth figuring out someday. Someday soon, I think. I want to make my radio station.

Not a lot of today's writeup was about the song, unfortunately. And that's a bit of a shame, because again- I like The Clash. 1970's English Punk Rock had some bangers, babes, and London Calling is like. one of the greats. A recognizeable guitar part, a truly bangin bassline leading in, and just the most moshable, jumpable lyric delivery. You need to be standing pressed against the stage screaming this stuff out with Joe Strummer.

Listen I don't need to defend The Clash bigger nerds than I have done so for far longer than I've been alive. But hey. It's music I love. And as always- You could be dead right now. Go listen to something that you love.

[engelfeather]

This is chapter 9!! I couldn't add a title here (sos)

"You're hungry?" Angel tilted his head, confused. How could he already be hungry so soon. Sure, he was small, but he had eaten a day or two ago. He didn't need to eat so soon, that would be bad. But the growling noises coming from Xavier's stomach didn't just concern him, but also creeped him out. Seeing Xaviers cheeks go red and him covering his stomach with his arms, indicated to him that he didn't seem to enjoy this noise either.

After another deep breath, Xavier nodded, his stomach was causing him serious discomfort now. "Yes, I'm hungry. Starving even! Can't you.. I don't know.. give me a breadcrumb or something?? Ehh..heh- if you want of course" He gave an awkward smile, hoping he didn't anger the giant, seeing how deeply he seemed to be staring into his soul.

"But you just ate.." Xavier flinched at Angels sudden words, but, mostly irritated, answered "No.. I am seriously hungr-" he got cut off."

You just ate."

Angel repeated, furrowing his brows.

"I ate like two days ago!"

Xavier responded annoyed now, with a hint of fear in his voice. He didn't want Angel to break more of his bones or.. do something worse- "So? You still have like.. a week until you're allowed to eat." Allowed!? A week! He couldn't wait a week for a bit of food! So in the most polite way he could muster up, even adding a friendly smile into the mix, he asked "Are.. you not allowing me to eat for a week..to uhm... Torture me or something?" This seemed to surprise Angel "Huh? Did I say that? No. Your body wouldn't allow that! I'm helping you out here with your.. strong urges to eat I guess- I think you should get that checked out by a doctor" he whispered the last part, leaning in close doing so.

Xavier tries to push Angels face away, his hands merely sinking into his soft fur. God damn it. Why does his body also have to be squishier than a damn sponge

"What-.. what the hell is that even supposed to mean! I.. I'm literally trapped here-! Why would my body even need a week to be able to eat again? ....how many times do you think we have to eat in a week-" Angel was slightly surprised at Xavier's more loud exclamation, considering recent events, yet he rolled his eyes and responded in a sarcastic tone "Well surely it's every day almost every hour, with the way you're acting. Oh please.. you'll be fine for another week or so." Xavier looked at him dumbfounded.

Was this guy serious?

"sigh, yes. Yes I do. Normally three meals a day with some snacks on the side.. if I can afford that." He mumbled, he would just be honest, hoping he wouldn't use this info for some personal twisted use. He shivered at the thought of him capturing humans, just to let them starve. As much as he wanted to believe that no one would do that, he trusted this giant to perform such a cruel act. Looking back up, he expected a sadistic smirk, but was instead met with curious eyes, like some child that just found a shiny rock. Great. Now he was downgraded down to a shiny rock.

Angel gently wrapped his hand around Xavier, who was still floating mid air and placed him on his pillow. Patting the humans head, definitely not to play with his hair, he laid down on his stomach. With his hands on his cheeks and his legs propped up, kicking them in the air, he asked "You actually have to eat that much? That sounds.. overwhelming. Sad.. oh you sad, sad creature with your weird anatomy." Xavier shot him an annoyed glare, which he found quite amusing.

A small growl from Xavier made him hug himself again. He whined to himself, quietly, he just wanted a piece of food. Could this giant not ask questions later? With gritted teeth, he spoke "Yeah yeah, I'm pathetic, I think I got that so far. Can you please just get me something to eat." Angel, noticing the impatient tone in Xavier's voice, sighed deeply. If this meant the little dude wouldn't die, then he'd oblige. "Very well, it shouldn't be too hard to get you something to eat. I'll be right back!" With that, Angel quickly got up and ran out of the room, as if to quickly get away from a bomb that was about to explode. A few, agonizing, minutes later, Angel returned to Xavier, who was now curled into a Ball, clutching his stomach tightly. In a soft tone, he said "Dont worry, I got you something to eat.."

Opening his hand, he dropped a pile of large leaves in front of Xavier. At first he thought, maybe these were leaves used for a salad, though upon further inspection, Xavier realised that this was grass. Plain, simple grass. Was this some stupid joke?

Looking up at Angel however, only revealed that not only was he serious, he seemed to desperately want to watch Xavier eat this grass. As if he was some hamster trying to eat, with their owner watching over them, constantly awing at how adorable it was. At least now he wasn't a shiny rock anymore..

"...A- Angel, uhm.. what the hell is this? Do you think we eat grass or something?" With big, awaiting eyes, Angel nodded, pushing the grass blades closer to Xavier. "I tried plucking the best ones for you.. they all look the same to me though, so I'm sorry if this isn't up to your standards." Xavier tried to find a mocking tone in Angels voice, yet only seemed to find genuine care, which he found somewhat unnerving. "Err..it's nice that you're trying to feed me the good type of grass, I guess, but.." he gently pushed the grass away from him, "We humans don't eat.. grass." Angels mouth widened, a small gasp escaping his lips, surprised by this. "You.. don't eat grass? But I thought.. you did. I mean.. some of you had small patches of grass outside of your house... I thought you ate the grass from there."

Xavier shook his head in disbelief, did this guy know nothing about humans? Considering he seemed to only visit his world to torment the people there, that seemed to be true. "Those are gardens.. yes, some plant vegetables or fruits in their gardens, but they don't have them to eat the grass from there." Angel seemed to be genuinely upset by this and took away the grass. He let out a small snarl "I only wanted to help. What do you eat then, human." Xavier responded in a more friendly way, lest he anger the giant.. again. "Well, all sorts of things.. fruits, vegetables, meat and, yes, even things that are cooked, fried or what not." Angel stared at him, as if he had just revealed some dark secret humans had, before bursting out laughing, causing Xavier to flinch and stiffen up.

"You- hah.. you eat meat!? Hahaha! Look at your scrawny form! As if you could hunt animals! That's something I'd love to watch, watching you run around and fail to hunt even the simplest animals! You can barely even catch up to animals like rabbits and you're telling me you eat meat!" Xavier frowned at the mocking comments being made about him, not that they were necessarily wrong, but at least he didn't chase after helpless people that were barely a dusk speck compared to him.

His stomach grumbled again, seemed like he wasn't the only one who was annoyed by Angel. "Can you not give me some of the left over curry? Unless you already ate everything..-" Angel stopped laughing and went back to staring Xavier down. "No, I threw it away after you landed in my food. No offence, but I don't want your dirty germs all over my food."

As if you care about cleanliness.

Xavier thought, side eying Angels dirty room. With a heavy sigh, he looked back up to Angel "Could you.. perhaps cook me something?" Angel looked away, finally averting his gaze "I don't have any food right now.. I mean.. I only buy food when I want to cook something, so currently I have no food available.. ehe-" In a dramatic fashion, Xavier let himself fall on his back. "But.." Angel said slowly, "I could go out and get some food.." Xaviers mood lifted slightly, he could wait a little longer if that meant he would get some dinner soon. "However, you're coming with me. I am not getting food you can't eat in the end. That would just be a waste of product." Well there went his good mood. "Come.. with you? Outside where other giants like you are? ....no thanks. I'd much rather stay here." the giant placed a finger against his chin "You're not wrong.. I don't need them to know you exist, not that they run away screaming or something.." Angel mumbled.

Xavier thought Angel misspoke "Wait what? 'Run away screaming' why? Why would they do that" Angel nervously chuckled and looked away. Tripping over his words, he answered "Ehh.. Ehe, let's just say, they ...well uhm.. f.. fear you guys. Your whole world to be precise. Honestly anything that isn't from their world. We.. err aren't allowed to exit our world either. So it's best if no one finds out about your existence here." Xavier just looked at Angel as if he just told the most obscure and bizarre story ever. "Are you fucking with me right now?" Angel raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down. "No, I think both of our clothes are still on, unless..~ nevermind.." "What..?" Xavier, uncomfortable, scooted away slightly "No, that's not what I meant, weirdo- I meant.. how on earth are your people afraid of us!" Scratching the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, Angel answered in a whispering tone "Well.. lets just say.. they have a different image when thinking of a human" Xavier's curiousity was peaked. "Different you say? Why, what do they think when thinking of us?"

"Let's not waste any time now! We...heh We don't want ya starving any further haha! Here let me hide your scent for you" He quickly grabbed Xavier and rapidly began licking him from the bottom to the top. Xavier thrashed around, trying to push away the fleshy muscle to no avail. Seemed like the giant was done with the conversation.

With a hefty sigh, Xavier let Angel lick him. If it was to taste him or to actually hide his scent, somehow, he couldn't tell, maybe it was both. After Angel was done, he tried to rub off some of the saliva with his sleeve, whilst kneading his chest fluff, with his other hand, to loosen it slightly. "There.. now you're all ready!" He lowered Xavier into his fur, squishing his fur together to prevent his new passenger from slipping down. Walking towards the door, he opened a small closet, where he grabbed his keys and a jacket he put on. Pushing away some of his stuff that laid around in there, revealed a small hidden drawer in the closet. Quickly he unlocked the drawer with a key and pulled it open. The object inside caused Xavier to flinch.

There, laid a gun with swirled rose-golden and white engravings on it. Whilst Xavier was clutching Angels fur in nervousness, Angel, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind, happily taking it out and viewing it. With a shaky voice, Xavier asked "Why- why are you taking that out. We.. we are just going to run some errands, right??" Angel gave a small nod "Yes, of course. But ya never know what could happen. I'm just making sure we'll stay safe, why, do you not own a gun?" Xavier wondered in what kind of neighborhood Angel lived in, where it was that dangerous, that he had to take a gun with him. Shaking his head, he answered "No. Why would I? I'm not American." Angel looked at him irritated, but didn't answer. He just shrugged and hid the gun in his chest fur, causing shivers to run down Xavier's spine.

Angel hummed as he walked down the streets with his company safely secured In his fur. Even if the human was tiny, the warmth radiating from his body made him shiver ever so slightly. He enjoyed it, he enjoyed every moment being near the human, feeding off of his energy and short temper. It amused him, in a way even made his day. In fact, a part of him enjoyed teasing the tiny more than torturing him physically. Screams were fun, but the ability to control every part of someone, to stop them from speaking further or choosing what they had to eat, simple things like that, made him feel even better. He was in control of Xavier's every action and he knew it. It's not like the human could put up a fight against him. The psychological torment gave him such a thrill. He grinned, his tail swishing around behind him. Looking down, he saw how Xavier looked around frantically, flinching every time a person walked by. How adorable.

Xavier looked around, his heart was in his throat. These creatures seemed to come in all sizes and forms. Some even towered over Angel, whilst in the corners of the streets he could see people his own size, if not slightly taller. They seemed to be waiting for.. something. Squinting his eyes, he tried to see what they could potentially be waiting for. There, a small platform lowered to the ground, with the tiny folks stepping on them, getting lifted into the air. Following their ascent upwards, he noticed long tubes spanning across the houses, with these smaller people running through them. That was definitely one way to get around, whilst also not risking getting stepped on. It didn't seem that any of the giants seemed to mind them though, which surprised him slightly. Though perhaps, if Angel had some kind of powers, so did they. Meaning they weren't as defenceless as he was. Just his luck..

Swallowing hard, he tried to somehow back away from a giant that passed them. Luckily they were too busy talking to someone on the phone, however their loud laughter rumbled through his ears, hurting his sensitive ear drums Glancing up, he saw how Angel seemed to be amused by his suffering. He frowned, averting his gaze quickly. He wouldn't cater to his amusement. With another giant passing them, he groaned, displeased with his current situation. Trying to lower himself into the fur, Angel chuckled slightly, using a finger to press him down. He glared at him, trying to whisper a curse up to him, though was met with a mouthful of fur, which strangely tasted like marshmallows.

Gross.

With a sigh, he spat out the fur and gave the biggest pout he could muster up, making sure Angel knew that this wasn't funny to him. So what if that only made it funnier, the giant already knew he hated this, why hide his emotion.He continued his pout until his mouth ached, making him stop. Though it seemed that not only he stopped, but so did Angel. With a shiver running down his spine, he heard the dreadful words.

"We're here."

Previous chapter:

[marbleboa]

I'd like to write a little something something sakuyama but I cannot for the life of me decide which relationship scenario is best for them. Keeping relationship secret from claw? Koyama not caring to talk abt it but Sakurai HATES him to bc he doesn't mix personal with professional life? Actually hooking up after Claw disbanded? Been an item for several years and nobody knew?? I think every idea got its potential but I can't decide. What's your personal hc for em?

Right? There's so many possibilities--but that's the fun part about hc stuff like this, you don't necessarily have to stick to one idea for everything you make! We don't get much about the Scars' histories with the organization and each other prior to Season 1, plus the unknown happenings between seasons. It's always very fun to see the different interpretations people have and how they compare/contrast.

In regards to my own thoughts, I actually had been typing up a draft on ideas for the way their relationship develops over the course of the series so. Perfect timing. Hope you find these helpful!

Claw Era: Rivalry+mutual attraction turns into what's meant to be a solely physical relationship to let off steam. Despite their best efforts, something akin to affection starts to develop deep down--expressed subtly, of course(like this). Koyama doesn't give a damn about secrecy but Sakurai makes him keep quiet, more so out of his own pride than any fear of repercussions. For Claw, the vibe I got is that HQ doesn't care about the Scars as long as they do their jobs(getting each other injured would affect) so even if the matter somehow reached them they don't really care. Some of the other Scars know something's up but, well, those two are a dangerous pair--as long as they aren't killing each other, best not get involved.

Post-Fall of 7th Division: Sakurai still insists on getting involved in Koyama’s business even though he really has no obligation to with the organization gone. To his own denial and both of their irritation, Sakurai's grown to care about what happens to him. It’s because of his influence that Koyama joins the other former Scars despite 1. not being there for Reigen’s speech and 2. Being a stubborn asshole. On Koyama's end, Sakurai’s become a pretty big weakness of his. He still doesn't trust the others, doesn't trust this weird Reigen guy they've called in who's apparently a big deal, but he trusts Sakurai. Also if he behaves he gets to make out with a hot guy, so. Win.

Post-WD Arc: Sakurai lets Koyama live with him under the convenient excuse of sharing rent and giving a fellow ex-Scar some help while he finds work--but he needs Koyama just as much as Koyama needs him. With Claw gone there's no way back, and having someone at his side while he faces rejoining society is a mortifying yet undeniable comfort. For Koyama, he has a lot of doubt about the whole 'becoming a commoner' thing and starts off feeling aimless, but Sakurai ends up give him direction. Granted, that often comes in the form of his own concerns about Koyama's capacity for change inciting this weird kind of...positive spite. He wants to prove Sakurai wrong, prove himself to him, it's like their former rivalry but more constructive. This leads into them working with each other again, and they learn to settle into a more domestic life.

As a sort-of aside, I really like the idea of their relationship being built upon things unsaid—it’s not a conventional romance by any means. They bicker like an old married couple, are attached at the hip, clearly are the most important thing in the world to each other, but then look at you like you’ve got two heads if you ask if they’re dating.

God I don’t even know when they’d get around to bringing out the L word. Sakurai has so many hangups about his capacity to love/be loved from his upbringing—hearing something so overt might make him panic and try to withdraw if it isn’t done carefully. And Koyama, for all his growth at this point, still isn’t really in touch with his emotions enough that he’d be able to have those sort of deeper conversations easily. But it doesn’t mean the emotions aren’t there, you know? And in the end they’re happy with how they are, with taking anything the other is willing to give.