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#got her done in about an hour and a half!
magniloquent-raven · 3 days
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Day 4: Supportive Boyfriends
and for my next (LATE, SO LATE) @bucktommypositivityweek contribution. KITTEN FIC.
(read on ao3)
**
The 118 doesn't have a baby box.
In fact there aren't any in the state of California at all. Buck looked it up, after Maddie's postpartum episode. When half his family was missing and there wasn't much he could do besides wait and... think about things.
So he thought about safe haven laws. Read up on the training seminars for first responders who want to be better equipped to deal with hand-offs. Read a bunch of other stuff he sort of wishes he hadn't. Spent the next week haunted by articles about abandoned children.
He considered talking to Bobby about it. Only partly to ask him if they should get a box for the firehouse. Partly because Buck wasn't sure how he felt about the whole thing, and Bobby always seemed to have answers. But he never worked up the nerve to broach the subject.
And now. Bobby's not captain anymore, and Buck really can't imagine Gerrard giving a shit about any of this.
So, they don't have a box. But.
Well, this isn't a human baby. It's not like the same rules apply.
Buck has to wonder if wires got crossed somewhere, because. Someone left a kitten. Outside the firehouse.
Buck was just going to grab something—he can't remember what—from his Jeep, when he spotted an unlabelled cardboard box on the pavement, up against the side of the building. His first thought was bomb.
Until it meowed at him. A tiny, high-pitched peep of a meow.
Kind of scared the shit out of him, if he's being honest.
There's only one. All alone in the box. A poofy grey thing wriggling around half buried in an off-white towel. Like a very ambitious dust bunny with big round blue eyes and skinny legs. It wobbles slowly over a fold in the towel with all the effort of someone scaling a mountain.
Buck crouches next to the box, and pokes a finger inside.
"Hey, buddy," he murmurs, holding very still while the kitten inches towards his hand and squeaks. It's unclear whether there are teeth in that little maw. That means it's really young, right? Too young to be left alone for very long.
Shit, how is he going to explain this to Gerrard? He's still got, like, 12 hours left on his shift, but someone has to feed this thing. How long can kittens go without food?
Oh, it does have teeth. Really teeny ones. They're ineffectively poking his knuckle.
Buck fishes his phone out of his jacket—with the hand that isn't currently being drooled on—intending to go to Google for answers. How to figure out how old a kitten is. How often do kittens need to be fed. Do cats get separation anxiety. He has a million questions.
Only he doesn't pull up his browser. He calls Tommy.
It's a whim. Barely a seed of an idea. But when he unlocked his phone the first thing he saw was their text history (he'd been complaining about Gerrard off-and-on all morning, and Tommy had been sending random updates about all the chores he'd been getting done—his last message was a picture of a mop with no context) and he just thought... Tommy will know what to do. Not in so many words, more a feeling. Comfort and certainty, just from seeing Tommy's picture in a little bubble at the top of his screen.
"Evan?" Tommy answers almost immediately, and there's a subtle undercurrent of worry in his tone. Buck winces. Right, calling out of the blue while he's at work would look. Bad.
"I'm okay!" He says quickly, all in one breath. Then pauses. The kitten squints up at him, meowing again, long and loud. Its whole fluffy face scrunches with the effort.
"...What was that?"
"Uh. That would be why I called, actually."
Gerrard is less of an obstacle than Buck feared he'd be. Because he's holed up in his office doing paperwork when Buck sneaks in with the kitten, and Buck's decided he has no intention of letting him know the cat was ever here.
Tommy promised he'd come get her.
Buck didn't even really ask, and wasn't planning on asking. Didn't have any plan whatsoever, in fact. He just wanted to know if Tommy knew anything about taking care of kittens, and suddenly Tommy's voluntarily sacrificing the rest of his day off to scope out vets and pet supply stores and whatever else Buck's helpless little friend might need.
He hung up hours ago and his insides still feel warm and goopy about it. He can't stop thinking about the gentle fondness that softened Tommy's voice after Buck explained the situation. Buck would wrap himself up in it like a blanket if he could.
Tommy's getting so kissed when he shows up.
In the meantime, Buck's sitting upstairs, working his way through the dozen or so tabs he opened up after googling kitten care.
He thinks the one he found might be around three weeks old (ears not quite unfurled, can't sheathe claws yet, legs unsteady but mobile). And possibly a girl. She did not care for being picked up and turned over, and the indignant squirming made it difficult to tell what's going on down there. But he's almost certain he's right.
She was shrieking up a storm about it, and he was worried if he took any longer she'd alert Gerrard. (She didn't. She did, however, draw the attention of about half the firehouse.)
"You are disgustingly cute," Chimney coos, scratching under her chin with the tip of one finger. She's lifted her head as high as she can and her eyes are squinted happily. Buck can hear her purring from across the room. "Yes you are. Hen, can you get a picture of this?"
Hen pulls out her phone. "Sure... why?" She asks, leaning over his shoulder to snap a picture and eye him with mild suspicion.
"Jee. She'll wanna see when I tell her about my day."
Her expression softens to a smile. "I'll text it to you." She taps her screen a couple times. "Just had to make sure you weren't planning on calendar campaigning again."
Chimney grins. "Nah, my calendar days are behind me. The only person who gets shirtless pictures of me now is my wife."
"Gross," Buck says without conviction. He narrows his eyes at the site he's scrolling through, swiping away a Join Our Mailing List! popup. "You guys don't think she's cold do you? Are her ears warm? It's only, like, 70 today and we don't know how long she was out there."
Hen and Chim exchange glances, and then, disturbingly in sync, look from the cat to Buck. Chim gives her ear a perfunctory poke, which she does not appreciate as much as chin scritches, "She's fine, man."
Hen waves a hand at Buck when he opens his mouth again, "We're medical professionals. And in my medically professional opinion. She's fine."
"Okay, but—"
"Hey guys, look who stopped b—uhhh. Is that a cat?" Eddie slows to a stop at the top of the stairs, blinking at the kitten on the couch. "When did we get a cat?"
"Couple hours ago," Buck says, still frowning at Hen and Chimney. "Where have you been?"
"I found him polishing the engine."
Buck shoots out of his seat. "Tommy!"
He only half-hears Eddie muttering, "Favouritism," as he scuttles around the chair to meet Tommy halfway between the stairs and the sitting area. Tommy has just enough time to smile—and it warms Buck, like it always does, with a spark caught in his chest for safekeeping—and say hi before Buck's on him, palms clapped on either side of his face, smushing their lips together.
He makes a bit of a show of it, dramatically swooping in, because he knows the big smacking MWAH will make Tommy laugh, and he likes the way that feels rumbling against his chest.
Buck taps their noses together. "Hey," he says, savouring the mirth sparkling in Tommy's eyes for a second before kissing him again, properly this time.
His brain goes sort of fuzzy when Tommy's palm cups the back of his neck.
Someone in the distance wolf-whistles.
When they finally come up for air Tommy asks, "What was that for?" a little breathlessly, which is doing things to Buck.
"Mmn...y'know. For being you."
Tommy raises his eyebrows, kiss-reddened lips curling fondly. "Okay."
"Hey, Tommy. Good to see you," Chim calls in a very pointed way.
Right, public setting. Workplace. Friends watching. Buck exhales slowly, and tries to think about anything other than how much he wants to bite that bit of clavicle peeking out of the collar of Tommy's shirt. Like the fact that Tommy's hands are warm, and he's sort of rubbing his fingertips over the short stubbly bits of hair on the back of Buck's head, and Buck's lips are still tingling a little, and—no wait, not that either.
Tommy pulls away first, which is probably for the best, but also very sad. The corner of his mouth twitches like he can see Buck thinking it. He curls his index finger and gently taps Buck's chin with the knuckle before he turns to the group.
"Howie," he says, not even pretending to be contrite in the face of Chim's mock-judgement. "Hen."
"Tommy." Hen fails to contain her smirk.
Some time during all the kissing, Eddie moved over to the couch. He's sat next to the kitten, watching her attempt to groom her paw with all the grace of a toddler who's only a little bit sure they know how to hold a brush. She keeps starting and stopping at random intervals, sometimes licking the cushion beside her, sometimes sticking her tongue out at thin air.
She's so cute it makes Buck's chest hurt. It's a little much while he's still loopy from making out with his boyfriend.
Then Tommy goes and crouches next to the couch so he can get eye-level with the kitten while she sniffs his hand, talking to her all calm and soft with smile-lines crinkling his cheeks, and. Buck might need to lie down for a bit. Like, on top of Tommy, preferably.
The kitten seems to like him too, and he really can't blame her when she crawls up Tommy's sleeve to perch on his shoulder.
She looks so much smaller cuddled up on Tommy. He reaches up to steady her, and she's almost entirely obscured by his hand.
God, is it wrong that he's getting a little hot under the collar about that? He just looks so strong and competent and at the same time, like, gentle. Buck knows how it feels to be touched tenderly by those hands, and apparently just seeing it happen does not affect him any less. In fact it's only added dimensions to his desires.
"I should probably get going," Tommy says, bringing Buck back down to Earth with a resounding splat.
He opens his mouth to protest, then closes it. He's right. The last thing Buck wants is for Tommy to have another run-in with Gerrard, and they don't know how long the old bastard's gonna be occupied.
"Mhm, run while you still can," Chimney pipes up. "Before our dear old captain smells an opportunity to ruin someone's day."
"He does seem to have a sixth sense for that," Eddie adds sullenly. Buck makes a note to ask him what that was about. Later.
"I'll walk you out," Buck says, trying not to sound like a pouting child. He's fairly certain he fails, because Tommy laces their fingers together and gives his hand a comforting squeeze.
He says his goodbyes, the whole time being careful not to dislodge the kitten while she crawls across his shoulders.
Buck goes through the list of kitten care basics he memorized as they make their way to the parking lot. It's...more than he thought it was, honestly. It starts to feel overwhelming as he goes on, and on, and on. He's running out of time to get it all out, and he feels like it's just now sinking in his huge this responsibility that he's dumping in Tommy's lap is.
"You're sure you don't mind taking her?" The question bursts out of Buck before they make it to Tommy's car. "W-we didn't really, I mean. We talked about it over the phone, but..."
"Yeah, now that I've seen her she does seem like a real handful."
The kitten yawns, and curls up into a tiny grey ball in the crook of Tommy's neck.
Well. Alright.
"It's just, t-they need a lot of attention when they're that young, and I kinda just, just dropped this on you."
"Evan." Tommy gives him a look. "Are you worried that you baby-trapped me?"
Okay, when he puts it like that. Maybe a little bit. But also now he's having complicated yearning feelings that he really should not be having this early in the relationship.
Buck's pretty sure he looks like a deer in the headlights right now, because Tommy's doing his damnedest to pretend he isn't laughing at him.
He tugs Buck's hand, leading him the rest of the way to his car.
The backseat is full of cat stuff. Containers of milk-replacement powders, and a shiny plastic litter box, and toys, so many toys, baggies of fake mice and feathery things, just. So much stuff. Piles of it.
"I called up a friend who used to foster kittens. She had a lot of advice. And then I got a little carried away."
"I, uh. See that," Buck laughs breathlessly.
"Over the phone, you sounded like this meant a lot to you? And I think I got really attached to the idea of...this. Taking care of her for you. With you." He sounds hesitant, like he's trying not to say too much, and Buck can't stand it—
"I love you so much," he says in a rush.
"Well, good," Tommy purses his lips around a smile, eyes bright and crinkled at the corners. He reaches up to his shoulder, like he's absent-mindedly checking to see if the kitten's still there. "Wouldn't want her to grow up in a broken home."
Buck huffs a laugh.
"And I love you too."
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itneverendshere · 3 days
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reader maybe having a dad, like jj’s? very manipulative and controlling, sometimes it’s physical. and he comes out unexpected while rafes there
okay so i was planning to write off her parents as dead but this made me change my mind a little, hope you enjoy <3
wash the sins out of that house - r.c
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader (bartender!reader universe)
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The sound of cartoons played low in the background, mixing with the faint clink of a fork against a plate. 
Rafe leaned back against the worn-out couch in your sister’s living room, watching as you flipped pancakes at the kitchen counter. Your sister’s kid, Milo, was glued to your leg, like always, babbling about some superhero show. The smell of breakfast filled the house, making it feel more like home than his own ever did.
Every little thing you did just made him fall more, if that was possible. He was always looking at you like that, like you were some kind of miracle.
It wasn’t just how good you were with Milo or how much you cared about everything and everyone. It was how much weight you carried without ever complaining, how you made everything seem easy even when he knew it wasn’t. You’d been staying here ever since the storm ripped through your house a few months back. 
Your sister was cool. Single mom, strong like you, but in a quieter way. She worked double shifts, and left you to help with Milo most of the time. Not that you ever complained, even after the long shifts, you loved to babysit. You were used to this shit—being the rock. Probably why you hadn’t freaked out when your house got leveled. You just rolled with it, found a place with your sister, and moved on like it was no big deal.
He’d been staying over more and more, crashing on the couch when he was too tired to drive back to Tannyhill. At first, it was just because he wanted to be near you when you couldn’t sleep over at his. But now… it felt like more. Like he could see himself living with you right away.
You glanced over your shoulder, catching him staring like an idiot. “You good?”
“Yeah,” He cleared his throat, leaning forward. “You need help or something?”
You laughed, shaking your head as you flipped another pancake. “You? In the kitchen? That’s rich, baby.”
“Hey, you never complain about my pancakes.” He shot you a grin, but it faded when Milo tugged at your shirt, asking something in that tiny voice of his. 
You crouched down, your voice soft as you reassured him, “Mommy will be back soon, okay? Just a couple more hours.”
You looked so at ease like you’d been raising kids your whole life. It did something to him—watching you like that. This tough, independent woman who wouldn’t take anyone’s shit, just… melting when you talked to Milo.
Rafe swallowed hard, not really knowing what to say. Every time he tried to picture your future together, it got fuzzy. Not because he didn’t want one. He already told you he did. But because he wasn’t sure if he deserved one with you. His life had been a mess half the time.
He’d hurt people. Done things.
But when he was around you, he didn’t feel like that entitled spoiled guy anymore. He felt like someone who could be better. For you.
The front door slammed open, and immediately, something was off. Rafe’s eyes shot from Milo’s cartoons to the guy who’d just staggered in. He could smell the booze before he even saw his face.
Who the hell?
You froze. The spatula in your hand hung mid-air as you stared at this man like you’d seen a ghost. But this wasn’t a ghost. This guy was real, and from the way he was swaying on his feet, he was about to make himself a problem.
“Some fucking daughters y’all are,” the guy slurred, his voice rough and soaked in alcohol. “Not inviting your old man over while he’s in town.”
Your dad? That was your dad?
Rafe’s mind spun. You never talked about your parents and he’d never asked because he wasn’t stupid. He could tell it was a touchy subject, just like his own dad was sometimes, so he never brought it up. He assumed they were gone and you only had your sister. He never imagined this. 
Not once had you mentioned your dad. And now here he was, stumbling through the door like he owned the place.
Rafe shot up from the couch, every muscle in his body tightening. Who the hell did he think he was, barging in here like that? You didn’t say anything right away, but your whole posture changed—your back straight, your pretty face like stone. You looked like you were bracing for something, and he didn’t like that one bit.
“Dad,” you said, flat and cold. “What are you doing here?”
He gave this ugly laugh, a mix of drunk and mean. “What, can’t a father check in on his daughters? Or are you too good for your family now?”
You didn’t even flinch. Didn’t say a word. Just stood there, still as a statue, while Milo clung to your leg, eyes wide, just as confused as Rafe felt.
Rafe stepped forward, putting himself between him and you. He didn’t care if this guy was your dad. He was drunk, stumbling, and saying things no father should be saying to his kid.
“Who the hell are you?” Her dad’s eyes flicked to him, narrowing, like he was sizing me up. “Rich boy? Boyfriend?”
He squared his shoulders, staring him down. “Rafe.”
“Rafe,” he repeated, laughing like it was some kind of joke. “Of course. She’d find herself a rich boyfriend. Always looking for the easy way out, huh?”
He had some fucking nerve walking in here, talking to you like that. Like Rafe was ever going to let someone run you down. He didn’t know anything about your relationship with your parents, but from the look in your eyes and the way you were gripping the edge of the counter, he was starting to get the picture. This wasn’t the first time your dad pulled something like this, clearly.
You grabbed his arm before he could take another step. “Rafe, don’t.”
Your voice was low, almost pleading. Not because you were scared, but because this was deeper than just a drunk guy running his mouth. This was something you’d been dealing with for years, and your boyfriend was just now getting a front-row seat.
Your dad sneered at you. “That’s right. Tell your little boyfriend to back off. You’re not so tough now, are ya? Always thinking you’re better than me. Always looking after your sister’s kid like you’re some kind of hero. But you’re not. You’re just like your mother. Weak.”
That’s when Rafe felt it. That surge of anger, that need to hit something.
No one talked to you ike that. No one.
He could feel his fists clench, chest tightening. He was ready to throw your dad out himself. But your hand tightened on his arm, and he looked at you. Really looked at you. You seemed tired, like you’d been through this a thousand times before, and you didn’t need him to step in. Not right now.
“Let him go,” you said quietly. “He’ll leave when he’s done.”
Rafe didn’t want to back off. Every instinct in him was screaming to throw this piece of shit out on his ass. But something in your voice, something in the way you were looking at him, made him stop. You weren’t asking for help. You were asking him to let it go. For now.
He swallowed the anger and stepped back, though he kept myself between you and your dad. He wasn’t leaving you alone with this guy, no way in hell.
Your dad’s sneer didn’t falter. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He swayed a bit before heading for the door, muttering under his breath. “Ungrateful little—"
The door slammed behind him, leaving the room dead quiet. The kind of quiet that made you realize just how loud things were a minute ago.
You exhaled slowly, like you’d been holding your breath the whole time. You turned back to the counter, flipping the pancake like nothing happened. But Rafe could see the way your hands shook just a little.
He stood there for a second, still running through everything that just went down. He’d never seen you like that before. And he didn’t like what he saw.
“Baby,” he said quietly, stepping closer.
You didn’t look at him. “He does that sometimes. Shows up, drunk, says whatever he feels like saying. Then he leaves. Same thing for as long as I can remember.”
Rafe didn’t know what to say. His mind was racing, trying to wrap around the fact that this was your life. You’d been dealing with that guy for who knows how long, and you never said a word about it.
“That’s not okay,” he said finally, his voice rough. “That’s not normal.”
You sighed, finally turning to face him. “Yeah, well. Now you met the whole family.”
You didn’t know what else to say.
There wasn’t much to say. This was just how things were for you. Your dad was a mess, and you’d learned to deal with it, ignore it even. There was no fixing this. Not really. At this point, it didn't affect you or your daily life that much.
“I should’ve asked,” he said, his voice thick with guilt. “About your family, I mean.”
I shook my head, feeling the weight of it all. “I wouldn’t have told you,” I admitted. “Probably would’ve said he’s dead.”
You didn’t want to be that girl—the one with family baggage so heavy it crushed everything good in your life. You didn’t want Rafe looking at you like I were fragile or damaged. It was bad enough that you were as broke as it got. You’d just gotten used to him wanting to help, to be a little less independent, to let him take care of you and spoil you every once in a while.
This though? You never wanted him to find out. 
But now… he knew. He knew what you came from. And you couldn’t hide it anymore.
“I don’t care,” Rafe said suddenly, breaking the silence. Like he was trying to convince you and himself at the same time. “I don’t care about your dad. I care about you.”
You could feel his eyes burning into you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Instead, you kept your focus on the pancakes, the routine keeping you distracted. But your hands wouldn’t stop shaking, no matter how hard you tried to stop it.
“I just… I didn’t want you to see that,” You finally admitted, your voice small and raw in a way you hated. “I didn’t want you to know how messed up everything is.”
Rafe moved closer, his body warmth seeping into your side as he leaned against the counter next to you. He didn’t try to touch you, though, and you were grateful for that. You weren’t ready for that.
Not yet.
“Messed up? Baby, have you met me?” He let out this soft, disbelieving laugh, but there wasn’t any humor in it. 
You glanced up at him, finally meeting his eyes. And there it was—that soft, almost sad look he got sometimes when he thought about his family. About how his mom left and how his dad never really let him in. Ward Cameron was friendly enough with you, and he wasn’t a complete asshole to his son, but he was absent, not really caring about keeping a constant connection with his kids. It hit you then that maybe you two weren’t so different after all.
Maybe that’s why you worked.
But still, the shame stayed. The feeling that now that he really knew you, the ugly parts you kept hidden, he might not stick around. Guys like him didn’t stick with girls like you, right? Despite him doing the exact opposite until know.
“This changes nothing, okay?” he said, his voice softer now, almost like he was trying not to spook me. “Not with me.”
He wasn’t looking at you like he was about to leave. His eyes were steady, clear. He didn’t look freaked out or like he regretted being here. He just looked… real. Like he meant every word.
 “This is a mess, Rafe. You saw it.”
“I don’t care,” he said, like he needed you to hear him. “I don’t care about any of that. None of it changes how I feel about you. I love you.”
You bit your lip, turning your attention back to the pancakes because if you didn’t, you were afraid you might cry. You weren’t the crying type, but after everything, your dad showing up like that, and Rafe not running for the door—it was a lot. Too much, maybe.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to fix anything,” you said softly, flipping the last pancake and turning off the stove. “You can’t fix my dad or the way things are. I don’t want you to try.”
“I’m not trying to fix anything,” Rafe said, stepping closer to you now. “I’m just… I’m here. With you. That’s all I want.”
You felt his hand brush against yours, hesitant at first, like he wasn’t sure if you were ready to be touched. But when you didn’t pull away, his fingers laced through yours, and the warmth of it broke through the dread thad settled over you since your dad walked in.
Finally, you turned to face him, and there it was—that look in his eyes again. The one that said you were more than enough, that he saw you, really saw you, and wasn’t running for the hills. You knew him like the plam of your hand now, and he wasn’t bluffing. He never lied to you.
Your heart did this weird thing, like it flipped and dropped all at once. It was still a little scary to hear him say that. Scary because it meant he was sticking around, and as much as you it scared that was exactly what you wanted. For him to stay.
Because you loved him just as much, and you didn’t mind reminding him every day.
Milo broke the silence, tugging at your shirt again. “Is time f’pancakes now?”
You couldn’t help but smile at the innocence in his voice, the way he had no idea what had just gone down. You bent down to scoop him up, holding him close, the warmth of his growing body keeping you sane in the moment.
“Yeah, buddy,” you said softly. “It’s time for pancakes.”
Rafe watched you, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. This is why he knew you’d be a good mom one day. He kept that thought in the back of his mind every day since you gave him the bracelet on his wrist.
The way you picked up Milo and smiled—it calmed him down. The whole scene was so you—taking care of things, keeping it together even when everything around you was a mess.
“Eat up, kiddo,” you said, ruffling his hair as he dug in with way too much syrup. 
Then you glanced at Rafe again, your smile still lingering but more reserved, like you were still processing everything.
Milo was halfway through his second pancake, syrup smeared all over his little face, when he looked up at Rafe with those wide, innocent eyes.
“Hey, Rafey, we go park after?”
You were clearing the plates from the counter, and Rafe caught the quick glance you shot his way. You had a shift starting in an hour, and Milo probably knew it too, even if he wasn’t saying it.
He leaned back in his chair, wiping a bit of syrup off Milo’s cheek with the corner of a napkin. “The park, huh? What’re you thinking, swings? Slide?”
Milo grinned, syrup dripping down his chin. “Both! And the big jungle gym! You said I was big enough for it now, 'member?”
He laughed, remembering the time a couple weeks back when Milo had looked at that massive jungle gym like it was Mount Everest, and Rafe told him he was totally ready to conquer it. “I did say that, didn’t I?”
You shot him a look as you grabbed your bag, ready to head out for your shift. “You sure about this?” you asked.
Rafe waved it off. “Yeah, no problem. Milo and I got this.” He grinned at the kid. “We’re gonna hit the park and maybe even stop for some ice cream after if your mom’s cool with it.”
Milo’s face lit up like Christmas morning, and you laughed softly, shaking your head. “You’re spoiling him, baby.”
He shrugged, trying to play it cool, but deep down he liked how easy it felt, like this was where he was supposed to be. “Eh, he deserves it.”
You walked over to where Rafe was still leaning against the counter, and without overthinking it, you leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Ewwww!” Milo groaned dramatically, scrunching up his face like he just witnessed the grossest thing ever. “Why do you always gotta kiss him like that?”
You and Rafe both burst out laughing, and Rafe shook his head, ruffling Milo’s hair. “Get used to it, bud,” he said, still smirking. “She’s gonna keep doing that.”
“Not in front of me,” Milo said, still looking completely disgusted but clearly loving the attention. “It’s so gross!”
You grinned and gave Rafe a playful tap on the chest. “Guess we’ll have to start sneaking around now.”
Rafe chuckled, pulling you in for another quick peck. “I can live with that.”
Milo let out an exaggerated groan, dramatically slapping his hands over his eyes. “Ugh! I’m never getting a girlfriend if that’s what you have to do.”
“Good,” you said, shooting him a wink. “No girlfriends until you’re thirty.”
Rafe laughed again, and Milo just sighed, completely over it. “Can we just go to the park now? Please?”
You shook your head, smiling at how easily the moment turned light again. “You two have fun. I’ll see you later.”
You headed out the door, the sound of your nephew still groaning in the background making you smile as you went, promising yourself you’d answer whatever questions Rafe had about your parents, the second you two snuggled up in his bed at night.
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chaos-in-deepspace · 6 hours
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LADS Xavier: Galaxy Hands | SFW
Look at me. LOOK AT ME. I dun wanna hear nufin about bad typos in this one. I just got my nails done yesterday and they're so long in comparison to how they normally are. I am learning how to type all over again and ya...this was written in fifteen minutes.
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Pairings Xavier x Reader Warnings None Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+.
Blog Information | Masterlist
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Xavier
```You had decided, for once, to treat yourself. To paint your nails despite knowing that while working tomorrow they would probably get ruined in some way. You knew your job wasn't exactly one where you could have fancy nails, so you felt it simple. Instead of going somewhere, you opted to just do it yourself.
Xavier hadn't questioned it when you showed up to his home with a small box in hand, nor did he ask why you were setting things up in his living room. Instead he just sat and watched as you got out the polishes and began working on your hands.
He was snacking, enjoying some pocky while watching you from the couch. The way you were sat on the floor, relaxed, and just focused on the task. It was relaxing for you, the small motions, waiting for it to dry between coats, and then finishing it. It had taken a good half hour, and the entire time the apartment was basked in silence.
When you finally looked at them, you smiled. It was simple, a black undercoat with a holographic purple and blue on top of it. The way the top coat made it shine had you staring at them for a little longer than you normally would.
Then you felt a hand taking your own and you looked to see Xavier. He was staring at the design on your hand with a gentle look in those beautiful blue eyes of his, "It looks like a starry sky." he finally said, breaking the silence that had been there since you had first come over.
"I know, I wasn't expecting it. This is the first time I tried this polish." You admitted. You had expected it to look nice, but you hadn't expected to have a literal galaxy on your nails when you had finished them.
You blushed when Xavier brought your hand up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss onto the knuckles of your hand. Your nails were, at this point, mainly dry, but he was still being so delicate with them that it surprised you.
"I like them." He finally said, "Why don't you paint your nails for often? You're pretty good at it." he noted as he looked them over. It was like he was transfixed on your hands at the moment and you let out a nervous chuckle.
"I mean, they'll just be ruined tomorrow while I'm at work. Doesn't make sense to do them every day." you pointed out and he nodded.
"Aren't there ways to make them last longer?" his finger were gently playing with your hand as he looked at you. "I know I've seen Tara with her nails done a few times." what he really meant was how he had seen Tara shoving her hands in your face before to gush about her nails, but that was neither here nor there.
"I mean I guess if I got them done professionally with a gel or something they'd last longer." You murmured.
"Then how about on your next day off you do that?" Xavier suggested, "It's clear you like your nails like this."
"I feel like you're enjoying them more." you pointed out, taking your hand away from his to gently bop his nose with one finger. He gave you an amused smile as he took your hand back and placed it on his cheek.
"I do. We can go together if you'd like." he said and you gave him a questioning glance.
"Oh, and are you going to get your nails done as well?" You pinched his cheek and he gave you a soft smile.
"Perhaps. Would it make you happy if I did?"
You took a moment to think about it. Xavier did have pretty hands, and his nail bed was long. Even if he kept his nails short, there was a lot you could do with them. "Ya, I think it would. I'll ask Tara where she goes tomorrow and make an appointment for us." you said as you leaned down. You pressede a quick kiss to his nose and he looked at you with a pout.
"You missed…" he muttered, and before you could ask what he meant, his lips were pressing against your own. You hummed into it, savoring the feeling of his mouth on yours as he pulled away, "There, that's better." he said, then quickly kissed your cheek. He went to grab your hand again, staring at the color for a moment more, "Now…how about we get some dinner."```
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regicide1997 · 1 day
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Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10:
An ode to Unpunctuality
Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual.
Five weeks ago today, unpunctuality saved my girlfriend's life, and by extension, my own.
"Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10"
Five weeks and five days ago, I stayed up all night comforting my girlfriend.
Five weeks and four days ago, I slept through all my alarms. I woke up half an hour after the mandatory department meeting had started, and I immediately ordered an Uber to get to work. By the time I got there, it was lunchtime, which was good, because I needed food to take my meds. And I had forgotten my keys at home.
"Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10"
I generally try to show up at least a little early to most things.
Five weeks and three days ago, I went to a house show with my girlfriend and my now-ex-gf. I don't want to go into the details. We all had fun, as well as traumatic flashbacks that we comforted each other for.
Showing up early to shows gives me time to prepare myself, mentally and physically, and it gives me a chance to socialize with the rest of the early crowd—to chat with friends, to meet the people in the touring bands, to be part of the reason these shows never start on time.
"Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10"
Five weeks ago today, at 8:04pm, I got a text from my girlfriend.
Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual. I'd explained that I'd followed the instructions I was given to the best of my ability at the time, and I have done my best to make up for every way I've fallen short. Still, "sleeping in is not acceptable".
The World In Broken Glass, Whirly Birds, Macizo, Razorway. Healer DIY, Indianapolis. Tuesday, August 20, 2024. Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10. A night of screamo, death metal, "shoegaze if it was good", and pure, unabashed transgender rage.
I definitely need this show after the shit I had to put up with at work yesterday. I need some way of releasing this anger. I need some fucking catharsis.
Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm. Bring $10.
Enjoying the pre-show conversation. Talking about various levels of band equipment Tetris involved in going on tour with tiny vehicles. Talking about our past lives in high school marching band. "Wait, so, the band is called Math, but this person unrelatedly also happened to be in your geometry class?"
Doors at 7pm, noise at 8.
Five weeks ago today. Tuesday, August 20, 2024. 8:04pm. A text message from my girlfriend.
Twenty-one thousand milligrams of acetaminophen.
Doors at 7, noise at 8.
One hour, thirteen minutes, and thirty seconds of phone call—getting the cops to fuck off so she'll be safe enough to get in the ambulance on her own accord, riding in the passenger seat of the person I had just paid $10 in exchange for a paper bracelet, ambulance sirens blaring through the phone speaker, correcting the EMTs every time they misgendered her—protecting her, because she's already had so much trauma in hospitals; protecting her, because she needs to be safe in order to heal; protecting her, because she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I cannot live in a world in which she is not; protecting her, because I love her, so fucking much.
Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10.
A text from my girlfriend at 8:04pm.
Had the noise actually started at 8pm, I wouldn't have heard the notification sound from my phone. I wouldn't have seen the text message. I wouldn't have been able to call her. To tell her I love her. That I can't live without her.
Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual.
Five weeks ago today, unpunctuality saved my girlfriend's life, and by extension, my own.
Doors at 7.
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littledragondork · 1 year
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Cat Au Request: Muiri
@da3drat​ requested his wife Muiri for my TES NPC Cat drawings so I thought why not start with her :3c
I’ll definitely take more suggestions, it was fun drawing her and learning more about an NPC I’d otherwise overlook!
(I have a batch of 3 more designs being posted sometime tomorrow)
Art and some design notes under the cut
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She was very fun to draw despite me not knowing much about her character besides the fact she is a Dark Brotherhood contract and you kill her sister and ex-partner so I consulted the UESP wik and skimmed some lines to get more.
Cool to see she’s an alchemist assistant and I didn’t even know she was a marriage candidate at all which is cool as heck! you kill her ex and take his girl, what a win! Sucks for her friend though I guess.
I decided to make her a chocolate spotted tabby because I like the colors and the spots are fun to draw! And I made her a long/medium fur cat because I feel somewhere around the Reach would get pretty cold, not ocean or winter cold but a lack of direct sunlight and mountain breeze cold so it would be practical for her to have a fluffier coat. I added a few little doodles on the sides as well just for fun and to practice drawing quickly :3c
her legs are a little short for my liking but I feel it adds to the charm so they can stay
Designs are free to use w/ credit :3
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floral-hex · 7 months
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you
#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that#will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT.#anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure.#and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo#$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive#and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started#anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean#and i am just so sad right now#and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun#not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course#i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as#breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage#i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard#i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade#and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone.#i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that#:((#honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug.#im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything
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girlscience · 6 months
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good GOD this trip. I have loved the scenery and the hikes we have been on, but my family is about to drive me bonkers.
#literally none of them are capable of making a single fucking decision without debating it for hours#and none of them communicate clearly so there is an insane amount of confusion#and we have done next to nothing because they cannot do anything in a reasonable time frame#like we were supposed to leave at 8:30 this morning and we didn't leave until 9:15#and then we got to the hike spot and my mom lost her glasses and instead of checking under her fucking seat#we had to spend a good half hour looking for them... guess where they were#and then we spent 10 minutes debating if we were going to do the hike we had already Fucking PICKED#and then my mom passed out halfway through the hike which is not her fault and I'm not upset about at all#but we decided to not do the rest of the hike and instead go to the town and look at the artist shops#which was totally good with me except we got there and they all decided they didn't want to look at the shops!!!!!!!!!#yes they were mostly galleries of art we can't afford but they were cool to look at#but nope. spent idk an hour wandering around OUTSIDE THE STORES#we did get the best chai I've ever had tho at a little shop there DELICIOUS#and then they were like beginning the dinner debate and I decided I was fucking done#so I just picked a place and said we are eating here and called and made a reservation and told them to get in the fucking car#like I Get It. it can be hard to pick things but at some point SOMEONE has to make a choice#we can't stand around going 'idk whatever you want' 'i'm okay with anything' 'what did you say?' 'did we decide?' ALL THE TIME#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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the-sunshine-dragon · 16 days
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rasairui · 2 months
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"Uhhh violence never the answer it's childish to start fights" it's also childish to refuse any and all criticism and expect everyone around you to bend over backwards to accommodate your every fucking whim and never do the same in return. If YOU make YOURSELF impossible to have a mature conversation with, people are going to stop trying.
#also again her and grandma's negligence resulted in my dad getting mauled by HER dog but we don’t get to be mad about that? fuck off#your dog is going to be euthanized. this will happen again with the wrong fucking person and they will press charges and your dog will die.#and I know for a FACT if either of our dogs had done anything even close to what hers did she would have flipped her shit#and now because she can't handle the bare minimum responsibilities of a dog owner our dogs are traumatized.#dad got hurt trying to separate her dog from Ghost(our aussie) bc he has no socialization skills and wouldn't leave Ghost tf alone#and then a day after THAT Ghost attacked Elphie (our corgi) bit her head and flipped her on her back. drew blood.#so because my aunt refuses to train her fucking dog now Ghost is triggered by the dog he has lived with his entire life#and has never EVER had issues with her! he has some excitability issues but he has NEVER been aggressive and has always deffered to Elphie#she's always been the one in charge. he's playful and friendly and has never instigated anything all 3 years of his life prior to this.#I am so fucking mad dog training is not just for the owner's convenience it's so your animal and other animals/people can be SAFE#they have a 2 year old and an 8 year old in that house a dog like this is a hazard. And to be clear I am not blaming the animal.#he is being neglected. they refuse to train him so they obviously can't manage his behavior so he just gets locked in his crate#which sucks for any animal but especially a year and a half old puppy who wants to play so he just sits in there and barks for fucking HOURS#it just sucks! I'm mad! He's a sweet dog but he has no self regulation skills so he's way too reactive! hes gonna bite one of the kids or a#stranger or another dog and then he won't have any chance to improve because he will be euthanized.
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imagine-nerd · 4 months
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
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#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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serkonans · 4 months
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can't stop thinking about this woman who I'm supposed to cover for saying the rudest shit to me earlier
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neverendingford · 7 months
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Therapists have two genders:
Professional Asshole and
Well-meaning Incompetent
#color says shit#text post#replying to my therapist is the most frustrating thing in the world. ma'am you think you're building rapport with me?#I hate to tell you but you've been wildly unsuccessful if that's what you think you've been doing here.#stop trying to educate me about my bullshit diagnoses that I already know about from my years on the internet.#like. babygirl I'm over here trying to build up to feeling comfortable enough to talk about the six-layer trauma cake I've got going on#and you're over here showing me a diagram consisting of two concentric circles meant to convey the idea of self versus other#you're very nice and trying to be helpful but I don't want to fucking talk about the girlfriend I want to talk about the issues that matter#girlfriend is an experiment. the other shit is stuff that lives in our fucking soul. shit that made me into the weird person fragment I am#and I had to fight for an hour. therapist kept on scheduling us for half an hour. HALF A FUCKING HOUR HALF AN HOUR ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO TALK#I had to fight for it and even when she finally scheduled us for an hour she still tried to cut it short#I had to pull up the appointment confirmation to prove I had an hour allotted. like seriously what the fuck.#one of those people who had their own mental struggles and then is like “I want to become a therapist and help other people uwu”#and then is fucking useless and projects their own issues onto someone else and shoves their personal solutions onto you#like someone in r/aita projecting their own shitty relationship onto someone else. some of us are different Daryl#ugh I'm so fucking pissed and I'm not giving up the controller until I get this shit sorted out for now.#r wanted to hop back on this morning in the shower and we had a shouting match but our deal was she takes a week break so I'm keeping it#because too much shit has built up and she's been not doing so hot so I'm gonna get this mess cleaned up before I let her back on.#I bought groceries. I did laundry. I got the car repairs done. I got our bike fixed up. I showered. I did dishes. I'm going to#and I'm going to get even more done tomorrow. maybe then I'll go back to watching over her shoulder and backseat gaming but not for a while.#it feels nice though. like I get to finally stretch my arms and yawn real good.#and btw to answer the question she's always fucking asking. she's not ace in the slightest lmao. I am and the bleed over confuses her.#there. question answered so maybe she can stop asking about it.#I feel like in her push to find herself she kinda pushed me back into the corner. which... ngl that hurts a little.#oh well. you don't need to hear about our lovers' quarrel. I'm going to bed in these cozy fresh bed sheets I just put on the bed.
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kurthorton-moving · 8 months
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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supercantaloupe · 1 year
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i wish i had a good excuse to just like go and spend 2-3 days in another city across the country
#sasha speaks#the most i've done on my own is a day trip into nyc#which is fun but you can only do so much in one day esp when your train is close to 3 hours one way#i want just like. two days in atlanta. three days in chicago. three in sanfran. yknow.#hell i'd take two days in nyc or boston that would be fun#i've spent one full day in boston before with my mom and that was great but it was sort of an appendix to a trip with a different primary#purpose (bringing my sister back to her college). i've spent two days in pittsburgh with my mom once too but that was when i was doing#college search myself so like more than half the time was dedicated to touring campuses#i've been to nyc twice Totally on my own once to go to a museum with my beloved mutual and once to take my sister to an embassy#to get a visa for her study abroad trip. my parents were like 'escort her to and from the embassy and then back on the train#and then you can stay the afternoon and do whatever you want. just get a train home in the evening'#which was fun i went to a museum and then did some market and bookstore shopping#but one afternoon does not a Proper trip make yknow#also goes w/o saying i would love to do the same thing for cities in other countries but. y'know. that's More Difficult#and i've seen very little of my own country in the grand scheme of things...i've only been out west twice and i didn't see very much either#time :( san diego when i was like 9 and then crested butte co last summer. which was beautiful and so much fun but also i got covid there s#anyway. shutting up now#i wanna talk about me
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fridayyy-13th · 7 months
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^ live footage of me rn
#friday chats#tw vent#not like a super terrible vent or anything i'm just. tired. and mad at myself.#so like a couple weeks ago i was given an assignment for my british lit class right?#to write a research essay based on one of the texts we've studied this unit. two weeks to do it. easy peasy. sure.#i figure that's plenty of time and leave it to work on my other homework (bc there's always other homework i'm an honors student)#oh wow lookie there it's due this weekend! great! so i start work on it#and then i can't find any research to bolster the question i'd formulated. it would have just been my own analysis#and we're required to have four sources. so that's that out the window.#the weekend passes and i'm officially in ''late assignment'' territory#and it's the last week before spring break so i'm swamped w/other work and midterm tests and everything#so yesterday my friend and i call to work on ours together (we always proofread each other's stuff/give each other pointers and whatnot)#and i'm just lost on what my essay should be about. any sort of question i could explore.#she has something of an idea for hers but not much. so neither of us get ours done#the assignment fully closes tonight#so we try again. i manage a half-hearted intro paragraph with zero direction and one source#and then i just hit a wall. the sources i'm looking at don't give me any new insights or ideas and i've got nothing#with two hours to the deadline. so i'm thoroughly fucked#i keep trying and just. yeah no not a thing. and if you notice the timestamp on this post it's past 12am#guess who didn't finish his essay 🙃#this is the fucking SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. what the FUCK#fanTASTIC start to my spring break y'all. and the only way i can communicate the specific feeling i'm feeling is through a homestuck gif.#can i just sink into the earth. that'd be great#at least now that it's over i don't have to worry about it anymore. i mean there's the guilt obviously but i don't have to *worry*#God. my mom's gonna be pissed#if i follow this train of thought any further it's gonna fall down a spiral of responsibility and college and career stuff#and i don't want to deal with that right now#so i'm just gonna stop talking. and either go read an angsty fic and cry for catharsis or just go to sleep. we'll see#i hate getting all personal on the internet but i'd rather yell to the void than bottle it up so. here we are
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