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emkay512 · 3 years

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Once Upon A Time

Chapter 1

Summary: This starts at the beginning of TRR book 2 with the Fydelia ball but with a different series of events. This AU is based off the show Once Upon a Time with Riley and Liam mirroring Snow and Charming. Characters belong to Pixelberry.

A/N: This is my FIRST EVER post and it’s literal trash 😅 I’ve never written before I found you all, and I’ve never had so much fun reading all the stories I found. If you read this please know I’m a complete rookie and I have no idea what I’m doing haha. I welcome and encourage any thoughts and feedback!

A/N 2: my biggest thank you’s to @queenrileyrose and @bbrandy2002 for pre-reading and giving me endless boosts of confidence!!! This first ever, cherry popping post, is in honor of you ❤️

Warnings: This will contain NSFW adult language and content. By reading, you acknowledge you are 18 and over.

I’m tagging those I’ve connected with and thought would be interested. Please let me know if you do or don’t want to be tagged!

@burnsoslow @ao719 @kat-tia801 @callmeellabella @charlotteg234 @neotericthemis

The welcome ball had been exhausting. Riley finally saw them, all of them, the good and the bad. Mostly bad with Liam being the exception.. except the fact that with him came his stupid fiancée. She was forced to deal with the Penelope’s and Kiara’s of the court, and got none of the Olivia’s and Drake’s of the world, with Olivia blackmailed and Drake most likely avoiding the court. Majority of the conversations she had to deal with throughout the night consisted of her rebutting all the allegations against her, most people believing that she had jilted their king. At least she had Maxwell and Bertrand, her home away from home. With the maybe two seconds she had Liam to herself and the amount of work and effort she had to put into her first public appearance, she was completely drained and changed from a gown and into more comfortable leggings and tank after she got back to her room of the Fydelia estate. Just as she was decompressing from the stress of her night, there was a knock on the door. She opened the door to see a particular grin on the face of one Maxwell Beaumont carrying a vase of two dozen roses.

“Greetings, little blossom! One of the staff members stopped me on the way of delivering these, asking what room you were in and I insisted on catching you myself.” Maxwell invited himself into her room after handing her the arrangement. Riley pressed the roses to her nose, inhaling the beautiful scent, and she noticed a note wrapped around one of the stems. She unwrapped the note and turned to Maxwell, who had already cozied himself up on her bed, clearly excited to hear what was on the note. “I noticed the paper in the arrangement too, it’s clearly from Liam isn’t it? You did so great tonight and he had the biggest puppy dog eyes on you, I knew his Prince Charming ass would pull off something like this.. well, go on! Read it!”

Riley quickly unwrapped and read Liam’s note, she had no idea the girlish grin she had plastered on and Maxwell was beaming. He had hated these past few weeks so much, he had been watching one of his closest friends, his makeshift sister, live in desperate torment, questioning her worth after hearing nothing from those she cared most about. She put the roses down and placed the note down next to them and looked up at Maxwell, “He wants me to meet him on his balcony in 20 minutes..”

“That is charmingly romantic, but did he slip in his royal socks and tumble down Madeleine’s overly buffed stairs?? He’s clear across the estate, it’s way too dangerous for you to get out of here alone.”

Riley sighed and collapsed onto the bed with Maxwell, “I don’t know Max, his note is sweet and remorseful, but.. maybe this isn’t about getting back together.. maybe I should just focus on helping house Beaumont and getting home..”

Maxwell stretched across to Riley and smacked her across her head, “Come on, Riles! You have been unable to go a single day without asking about him.. at least twice a day! You NEED to go meet him, otherwise I think both of your little fairy tale hearts will die.”

Riley smirked and rolled her eyes, “You’re so dramatic! And please tell me what fairy tale involved a half nude photo scandal and public humiliation leading to a bullshit engagement between a king and the only ice queen that would rival both Olivia and Elsa while singing let it go? Plus, didn’t you just mention that it’d be too dangerous for me to get to him?”

“Hellooooooo?? Ok first of all, literally all fairy tales are structured that way, couple meets and falls in love, and a public enemy curses them with a dramatic, heartbreaking lie, and then they defile all enemies and live happily ever after.. you’re just living the 21st century version of that! Nudes are basically the most vanilla scandal these days anyway. And secondly, have you JUST met mr covert ops extraordinaire, Maxwell Beaumont!? I said it’d be too dangerous for you to go out alone. Let’s just simply walk out together, and if we get any questions, we can just say we’re meeting my brother for.. you know.. this and that diplomacy reason.. whatever, I’ll wing it. Plus, look at you, you’re already dressed for stealth. I just need to get you outside, and then you can scamper over to Liam’s side of the building. Whaddya say, blossom?”

Riley was exhilarated. Maxwell always knew how to say the right things. She locked eyes with him, pointed straight to his chest and said, “You son of a bitch, I’m in.” They shared a mischievous smile and giggled their way out of her room, totally giddy without even shutting the door all the way. They were completely unaware of the royal guard that had been manning her room and slipped inside.

Thanks to Maxwell, Riley had successfully snuck out of the estate and crept to below the balcony of Liam’s room. She had to think fast as to how the hell she’d get up there, and then she spotted the flower vine growing on a trellis against the building, and she let out a small victorious, “Yes!”

But as soon as she took a step in that direction, a hand grabbed her shoulder and jerked her around so she was facing one of the royal guards. “I don’t think so, lady Riley,” he put a heavy sarcastic emphasis on the term lady, as he was clearly disgusted by her newfound tarnished reputation. “You’re coming with us.”

“Us?” And then from behind her, another guard bagged her head and she felt the grip of two men on each of her arms as they forced her to their destination, practically dragging her as they went. Riley’s heart was thundering in her chest. Where were they taking her? Back to the airport? A jail cell? A dungeon? A firing squad? She wasn’t at all expecting what she got. She was sat on a decently comfortable chair. The guards removed the bag and revealed to see she was in a study. A large one. And there before her on the opposite end of a mighty desk, was the king father, Constantine.

Constantine nodded a dismal to both the guards, and they took their leave. “Well, well. If it isn’t the disgraced American.” Riley was utterly confused and could feel the former kings command in the mood of the room. He did not like her, and she could feel his dislike radiating off of him. “You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you, you foolish girl?”

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“You had your exit, your out. You were scandled. Ostracized! I even had you as far as at the airport gates. But no, you came back. You came back and left me back at square one on how to get rid of you!”

Realization dawned to her, “It was YOU!” Riley leapt to her feet. She felt no fear, only anger coursing through her. “YOU staged those photos, YOU unleashed Tariq on me.. and you timed the release of those photos, at the most prime time allowing maximum humiliation and zero time in between Liam’s announcement. You’re despicable, I bet you’re even disappointed that Tariq’s attack on me didn’t end.. didn’t end up the way he planned.” She had deliberately slowed her speech as each new revelation came to play in her head, she had lowered her voice with disdain and disgust.

Constantine let out a scoff-laugh at what he considered to be a poor attempt of exerting dominance. “You’re right, and quite honestly I don’t care what that pompous buffoon would have done to you, but I must say, those pictures certainly did deliver.” Constantine was teasing and patronizing her, “And now you’re here, still trying to get to my son.”

Riley crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at him, “I don’t know what you’re tal-“

“Enough. I know everything.” He waved in front of her the very note that Liam had written inviting her to his balcony that he got from one of the guards. “You poisoned his heart, and now his marriage. And with that, the entire kingdom is poisoned, all because your feelings.” He spit the last word out as if he found it vile.

“I wish feelings could be helped, but they can’t.”

“Of course they can. Love is a disease, and like all diseases, it can be vanquished in one of two ways. A cure, or death.” Constantine stood and leaned both of his palms flat on the surface of the desk. “Do you know where your beloved is right now? He’s right down that hallway, he should be packing for his new life, prepared to take on his engagement tour to unify two Cordonian houses and assume the responsibilities and sacrifices it takes to be king. But no.. He’s pining for you. Awaiting your arrival.”

“And I suppose you intend to keep him that way? Waiting for me, only to be rejected, never knowing I came for him?” Riley’s voice was desperate, but still cunning in reality. She needed him to know her questionnaire was not doubtful, but challenging. That she hated his deliberate intentions.

“No. In fact, you’re gonna walk down that hallway. You’re gonna sneak in and tell him you got his note,” Constantine slid the note across the table, no longer wanting it in his possession, and Riley picked it up. “You’re gonna tell him why you answered his call.. Because you don’t love him. It’ll break his heart.. And that will cure him.”

Wide eyed, Riley could only assume the consequence if she didn’t do as he said, “Or you’ll kill me.” She stated with no question in her mind.

“Oh no. I’ll kill him. Killing you would only make him love you more. And the marriage and kingdom would ultimately crumble.”

“And what about your precious Madeleine? I know how this works this is all about mergers and business transactions. How else would you get Godfrey and his house to join with yours?”

“Please, if Liam were to die at an assassin’s hand, he would die a martyr. Godfrey would forgive, even laud, the death. And the merger would be complete.”

“You would do that to your own son?”

“I’m doing it FOR my son.” Love was once Constantine's weakness and it led to Eleanor’s death. It scarred him and he became brainwashed. Convinced love was the enemy. And now, the product of his foolish love, was Liam, who he groomed to be the perfect king. Constantine applauded himself all these years. It was clear as day that even Leo knew the job belonged to Liam, so Constantine did everything to assuage any of Liam’s hesitation into taking on his duty. He always planned on Liam being the logical one, ready to take on the duty and a loveless union. Then that damn New York trip happened. And that damn Riley came in the picture. Immediately Constantine couldn’t tell if he actually hated Riley, or if he hated the idea that Riley was basically the new version of Eleanor that he’d never have.

#the royal romance #TRR #choices #liam x riley #choices trr #liam x mc #king liam

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starvels · 3 years

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Headcanon questionnaire time!

1. Tony is really good with kids, Steve is ok y/n?

Like, invite either to a classroom to make a presentation and they both do equally well. Have them take care of a class for a whole day? Tony will have the kids having fun but also learning and engaging like the whole time. Steve will be kind and polite and follow the lesson plan and he slowly loses the kids by the end, they don’t misbehave but they check out lol. One on one Steve has a bit more success, depends on the kid, he’s always patient and kind, but yeah.

2. The reverse is true with animals, Tony is distant but kind and Steve is BFFs with them like immediately. Y/n?

Steve is like an animal whisperer and they seem to follow him like a Disney Protagonist (hah). Steve can ride any horse, pet any dog, lure any cat to his side, birds will come land on his hand to eat. Tony has never had a pet, does not think he can handle the responsibility, and is a bit nervous with the bigger ones and they sense that. It sucks he keeps getting thrown into medieval times to be a knight because he doesn’t love horses and they don’t love him lol. But sometimes a very special animal just glues itself to him and he gets very attached. Usually it’s cats. Tony would rather have a robot pet, but also Steve can lure him into a romantic horse back ride once a year.

this is very cute op haha

1. i agree, mostly! tony is exemplar with them. i think steve projects too much of his own opinions or feelings/doesn't seek to adopt the kid's frame of things - which is what makes tony so successful, the ability to slide himself into the kid's worldview so completely and kindly.

i do think though, twofold re steve. 1: with the amount of years that all the avengers have been public figures that to think they don't have a ton of experience dealing with kids in some form isn't probably how it is. they have to get better because that's part of their job and they take it seriously. and 2: steve likes to be good at something! i think part of his growing wrt teens/children has been acknowledging that he doesn't know everything and that some other people are more experienced with them. that's been a learning for him, and at least in 616, we can see that textually occurring over time.

2. i don't know about this! tony literally REVEALED his identity to the world to save a puppy of a child so this is like both of these answers in one. ksjfnkbjn. i think he loves animals a great deal and understands the emotional weight they hold - in fact so much that he would never considerate possible to have one in his line of work because there would be no way for tony to guarantee its safety. a responsible (not) pet owner!

i think steve wears a lot of his emotions on his sleeve and animals do recognize that, lol. they probably just think he's one of them, also i would be so so compelled by more explorations of the serum changing how steve interacts with animals of all kinds - what he can hear and smell and sense and how that makes him able to insinuate himself into other groups easily.

but yeah, just my two cents! i think all articulations of these headcanons are pretty fun, as long as no one tries to argue 616 tony doesn't like/isn't good with kids fkjdnkbjndfkb

#character talk #tony stark #steve rogers #stevetony asks #our talk

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ichayalovesyou · 3 years

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Ok but do you have fanfiction/writing advice? Like for people who have only written lifeless stuff for school?

(also love interacting with you thanks)

No problem OP! I don’t write much fanfiction because I had stigmatized weirdness about it growing up. I am learning though! I’ve started writing a mostly canon-compliant Mc(Spirk) fanfic that’s basically gonna be an epistolary (like The Color Purple) of personal logs, messages to home, and erased logs. I’ve learned that when it comes to fanfic writing (for me) gratuitous notes on who/what aspect of the show or characters you’re writing about is gonna be your best friend. At least if you hate characters acting OOC or stories that don’t clarify their lack of canon-complicance befire you start reading like I do (but that’s all personal preference).

As far as writing original stuff? There’s a lot to cover. Buckle up this is gonna be a long post (and I’ll prob RB on my actual writing blog lol)

For me, the most (and I mean The Most) important part is characters and character chemistry.

One of the prevailing things that keeps me coming back to Star Trek is that, even if it’s not perfectly executed character arc by the end, it has EXCELLENT neigh indestructible character concepts, that lend themselves to fantastic character development, and fascinating relationships with other, equally interesting characters.

I strive to capture that in my own work, and one of the best ways to do that is to have a setting that allows for it. Star Trek is, by design, a sandbox, it’s built to introduce abstract concepts and social issues into a presentable, digestible format for TV audiences.

You don’t have to have a world as sandbox’s and existential as Star Trek to create amazing characters though. Your best bet is to have a setting with a BROAD theme that multiple characters can embody in distinct ways. For example, I’m working on a sci-fi fantasy story that has multiple clashing aesthetics (solarpunk, biopunk, steampunk, post-apocalyptic, cyberpunk AND dieselpunk, just all the punks) but what unites them is the theme: Environmentalism.

Each of my 10 central characters are affected by and/or embody this theme in different ways, all of them are teenagers, and disabled in some way (several amputees, multiple autistic characters, the main character is deaf, lots of overlap). All of them are affected by the war between machine and nature in different ways, and those ways clash and compliment each other to create the greater narrative. The characters relationships with each other drive the story forward, not their actions as individuals, or the plot driving them.

Star Trek does this as well! The Original Series would not have triggered the chain of events that is modern Star Trek if it weren’t for the absolutely mind-numbing brilliance of the Triumvirate character dynamic. Bones, Spock, and Captain Kirk are what drives the story forward (serialized or not!) and none of them are compelling alone, and while each duo has its charms, it is not as electric as the 3 together and whole. Kirk is a bland conventional protagonist without Bones and Spock to shake things up by giving him people to care about, and electrify their conversations with rivalry. Spock is brooding and cold to the level of unlikability without Kirk & Bones there to prove he has a softer side. Bones would just be a grumpy xenophobic country doctor without Kirk to care too much about and Spock to challenge him and have a beautifully done enemies to friends arc. Kirk and Spock are romantic but not stable, Kirk and Bones are still too vanilla, Bones and Spock would hate each other without Jim’s mutual friendship. They complete each other!

I actually wrote a blog post for college on my exact process (complete with copy-able PDFs of questionnaires for the more thorough stuff) called 5 Ways to Write Great Characters that might help! 💚

#star trek #star trek tos #the triumvirate #Star Trek voyager #Star Trek tng #Star Trek ds9 #spock #Kirk #bones #writing #writing advice #fanfiction #character writing advice #Star Trek meta #meta #character dynamics #god i hope this makes sense #I hope it helps!

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wellesleyunderground · 3 years

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Pandemic Pregnancy by Jess Sirizzotti ‘10 (@JezRebelle)

Having your first kid during a global pandemic makes for a very weird experience. Though the much anticipated “quarantine baby boom” turned out not to be the reality, there were still many pregnancies that started, continued, or wrapped up in 2020-2021.

Being pregnant during a pandemic is about as isolating as you’d expect. Reduced immunity plus *gestures vaguely* everything meant that a lot of people grew a person in unprecedented ways. What I struggled with the most (beyond the overarching panic and dread of a world on fire) was that there was no benchmarking. I could have made it nine months at work before telling anyone, because they only saw me on video conference from the clavicle up. There were no hospital tours, no childbirth classes, no expectant parenting groups.

Whenever you’re going through it, there seems to be no middle ground between dry, evidence-based medicine and projecting yourself entirely into the astral plane for communing with the ancestors. Here are a few things that helped me through my pregnancy, and some things I wish I’d known earlier.

Illustration Credit: Mercedes deBellard

Prep work

There are plenty of guides about how much you should have saved or what kind of physical shape you should be in. Some of that is helpful.

Oddly missing from those guides is “get a handle on your traumas.” Talk to a therapist. Talk to a partner. Talk to yourself in a diary where you ask yourself questions about what you want to carry with you and what terrifies you about having a kid. There are questionnaires for people donating living organs, and it does not hurt to say, “Hey, if there is a problem with ANY OF THE MYRIAD OF THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG, how would I work through those feelings? What are the boundaries I want for this process that will make me feel safer or in control?””

If you’re getting pregnant with someone who will raise this kid with you, get into it with them. Have very specific conversations about what you will do about parental leave, diapers, daycare, requests for tattoos from a twelve-year-old. My husband and I would read the Care & Feeding parenting column from Slate, debating how we would handle the conundrums of different letters before getting the “answer” from the columnist.

Also, get as full a picture of family pregnancy as you can. You might know your own birth story, but what about the other half of the genetics you’ll be juggling? I, personally, managed to mash up my MIL’s hyperemesis gravidarum and my mom’s gestational diabetes which has been...not a great time.

And ask *lots* of questions. I had pretty low-stakes issues making it into the world, but it turns out all my dad’s generation of siblings all needed to stay in the NICU. My dad had multiple full-body blood transfusions in his first days. That would have been helpful to know!

That said, what I was most shocked to learn is that there is no way to know what kind of pregnancy you’re going to have until you’re in it. Even if you’ve had a kid before—you can have wildly different experiences! There’s literally no way to know in advance!

Pro tip: you can’t know for certain what pregnancy will be like for you, but getting a broad picture can help it seem less like a cliff jump into the unknown.

Getting pregnant will take longer than you think

Once again, for those in the back, GETTING PREGNANT WILL TAKE LONGER THAN YOU THINK.

For starters, you will need to stop not getting pregnant, which has been the focus of most young adult lives since your fertility started. I had to get my IUD removed and also get revaccinated for a bunch of things (rubella, flu, tetanus). If you were on the pill, it may take a few months to get everything out of your system. Then, you will do something to try to get pregnant and wait for two weeks. Whether it takes two weeks, two months, or ten years—it will feel like a very long time.

Especially because by this point, I felt ready to have a child. I looked at the calendar and thought, “Oh good, the kid will be X horoscope sign. They’ll have their birthday during the school year. Their birthday will be X year, and that will be easy to remember.” I made plans.

And then I just...didn’t get pregnant. And kept not getting pregnant. Every month of getting my period was so frustrating. I had charted my cycle! I had taken my temperature to figure out if I was ovulating! I swallowed these giant prenatal vitamins that are the size of a human toe!

Some people do get pregnant instantly, and many blessings on their ultra-efficient plumbing. Some people get pregnant when they don’t want to, and they should be able to have a choice about whether to have those kids.

For most people, there will be a while between deciding to have a child through pregnancy and getting one started. It is happening everywhere, to countless people, and is one of the hardest, loneliest, most unintelligible experiences—made worse by the fact that people are shoving their feet into their own faces around you for the entire experience. You’re surrounded by people getting pregnant (magically! easily! with barely a whisper of effort!), people asking you when you will become pregnant, people congratulating you on not being pregnant because you can go out, drink, get really into aerial silks, etc. And you will have to not punch them in the face.

If you are under 35, most doctors will not even talk to you about fertility issues until you have tried for a year. That’s a minimum of twelve cycles of trying, twelve “I feel really good about this month” conversations, twelve pregnancy tests that say you’re not pregnant, twelve months at a job you may not like but stay at because they have good parental leave benefits or insurance coverage.

After a year (and after you get on their schedule) a fertility specialist can offer you fun adventures like getting dye injected into your fallopian tubes to see if they’re blocked, approval to shoot yourself up with expensive hormones (at home! with a real needle!), and any of the other amazing methods technology and medicine have discovered that tweak any of the multitude of handoffs that need to happen for a pregnancy to “take.”

If I can ask one thing, assume at least one person in earshot of your public conversation is trying to get pregnant and can’t—and be a little kinder.

Pro tip: get the cheaper pregnancy tests with lines rather than the electronic ones with words, because there are few bigger downers than seeing “NOT PREGNANT” month after month.

Find a practitioner you like

Because eventually, you will want to strangle them. It’s important to start with someone you like, so that the strangling phase will be late in the pregnancy and not a sustained hatred for nine full months.

Whether you’re pregnant or working with a reproductive specialist, having someone who listens to you will help. Some people cannot deal with hippie woo woo, some cannot imagine a pregnancy that’s all medical jargon. If you’re a person of color or want to have certain cultural traditions respected from the get-go, vetting at the beginning can avoid being at loggerheads later. Take some time to reflect on good and bad medical experiences you’ve had, and if you have options, choose someone who will not make you hyperventilate every time you have an appointment.

For me, I knew I needed a doctor who would not give me a hard time about weight gain. I have a history of disordered eating and (pre-pregnancy) was competing as a super heavyweight lifter, so am used to plenty of unsolicited opinions about my weight and what I should be doing with it. Pregnancy is fraught enough to take a single off-hand comment to an extreme, and I was deeply uninterested in negotiating an anorexia relapse while battling all the pregnancy changes.

If you have some time, shuffle up your pre-pregnancy appointments to get a feel for different doctors. I pulled up ZocDoc for my insurance network and came up with some finalists: had my annual exam by one, my IUD taken out by another, and my MMR re-vaccine done by a third. I knew my practice was right for me when the doctor offered to take all weight measurements patient-blind for the entire pregnancy.

Pro tip: think about what style of doctoring would make you feel better during this time, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to stress about.

Taking information in

Like the best of us, I enjoy a Wikipedia rabbit hole. I’m an especially good finder and am frequently tagged in as the friend who can unearth the secret Tumblr or yearbook photo of an elusive crush. I can find anything, and have a Jeopardy-level mental trapper keeper for bizarre edge-cases.

This is...not great for pregnancy, especially when unleashed on the “seems legit” constellation of mommy blogs. There are a million things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, and past a certain point, knowing more does not make you more likely to avoid or survive them.

Think of it like a fractal. Having the general shape of the tree: useful. Hyperfocusing so hard on one of the branches that you lose days in front of the computer screen, diving deeper into medical texts and unconfirmed narratives until you completely glaze over: less so.

Knowing this about myself helped me manage the unceasing amount of feedback offered by everyone from doctors to bystanders. I limited myself to one book (Emily Oster’s Expecting Better, which is wonderful), a doctor I trusted, and small doses of the Wellesley pregnancy group. I still couldn’t stop myself from reading every op-ed about miscarriage and stillbirth, but I was able to process them as things I was choosing to read instead of a compulsion I could not turn off.

Pro tip: really think about how much information serves you. It can feel like knowing every little thing will make you an expert who is ironclad against any malady. That’s, unfortunately, not how it works.

Sending information out

Like information gathering, you’ll want to decide how, when, and who to share information with. Having a pandemic pregnancy gave me a lot more power over when I disclosed than I would have had normally—I was sick as hell and it would have been a first-month discussion at work rather than a third-month one. It has allowed others to have entire pregnancies in private, only announcing when the baby has been delivered.

I found it helpful to think of pregnancy updates in concentric rings: my husband and I in the innermost circle, immediate family and some friends next, wider friend group and extended family, and then everyone else. I didn’t have to give minute-by-minute updates to everyone in the world if I didn’t want to, and a quick “Oh actually that’s private” was usually enough to keep any especially nosy questions to a minimum.

There were people who surprised me with wanting to know much more, and some who heard “baby” and unsubscribed. Both are fine!

Pro tip: if at all possible, curate a group of friends who are far from having first kids so that you can be assured of a rapt audience of “WHAT can happen??” Plus, at least one friend with a recent kid who’s very organized who can tell you what’s helpful to buy and what is BS.

Particular pandemic weirdness (good and bad)

While it has been lonely, it has also been wonderfully private. Some particular strange markers:

It is very odd to go from several months of zero physical contact with anyone outside my apartment directly into an intravaginal ultrasound.

My husband is going to meet our doctor at the delivery, because no one except patients is allowed past the lobby at our practice.

I will likely not need to buy any maternity clothes, because my pandemic outfits of blousy shirts and stretchy pants to work from home will suit perfectly.

No one touches my stomach unless I want them to.

Remote birthing classes allow you to snicker as much as you’d like from the comfort of your couch.

Things I did not know and wish I had

The way they count how far along you are starts from the first day of your last period. That is not when you got pregnant, but is the easiest way to have a consistent range for all patients (who may or may not be tracking ovulation spikes).

It is normal to have spotting-level breakthrough bleeding at some point during your pregnancy. The books will tell you this. Your doctor will tell you this. I am telling you this now. It will not make a damn bit of difference, because the moment you see blood, you will panic and be certain you are having a miscarriage. No one will be able to convince you otherwise until you get checked out.

Your entire digestive system slows waaaay down to accommodate a pregnancy, and is part of the reason for nausea. I had heard that you will need to pee all the time, but hadn’t heard that you will almost entirely stop pooping. And then once a week, you will crap yourself inside out.

The placenta can grow wherever it wants, including smack-dab over your cervix. This offends me more than I can say. That’s where the baby needs to go out! (C-section is required in these cases)

A cesarean birth is a horizontal cut, like an envelope opening and then they squeeze the baby through it. I always pictured it vertical, like opening a book.

Acronyms are a minefield on pregnancy forums. For months, I read posts thinking “FTM” meant “female-to-male trans person” instead of “first-time mom.” Don’t be afraid to Google to keep your bearings, but also feel free to create your own—DH can be “Dear” or “Damn” Husband depending on context.

“Morning sickness” is a misnomer. It can happen all day. It can happen for your whole pregnancy, though most women see a gradual decrease after the first trimester. I’m mid-way through my third trimester, and still throwing up six times a day. If I had known that earlier, I would not have tried to “stick it out” for as long as I did: cooking meals from scratch, insisting that pre-packaged snacks were for wimps. If you are sick, get comfortable EARLY. You don’t get extra points or a better baby for staying miserable, so you might as well lean in to Couch and Cheese Central. If it clears up, great. If not, at least you’re not already tired from trying too hard.

Around 4% of babies are born on their due dates. Do not assume your third trimester will be the length you would like it to be. My doctor has proposed a 37 week induction (because of all the sickness and gestational diabetes). While that is technically full-term, that news was given to me in such a way that low-balled the panic of being A FULL MONTH EARLY. As in, LOSING A THIRD OF THE TRIMESTER.

The baby is lower than you may expect—actual location is generally half-way between navel and nethers. If you’re patting the top of a pregnant person’s stomach (with their permission), you are far away from where the kid is.

There is no good news during a pregnancy. The best you can hope for is continuing to meet the baseline. I am so much more understanding of gender reveal parties, because it is literally the only test result that you can have an opinion about. No ultrasound or blood test will come back with, “Congratulations, your child is gifted!” or “They’re going to be so good at tennis!” It is nine straight months of finding out you’re high risk or not for sickle-cell anemia or tuberculosis. I stopped writing them down after awhile because it felt like every one was, “Oh damn, I didn’t even know we were still concerned about that.”

“Round ligament pain” is the technical term for sharp, stabbing pain in your groin caused by all the ligaments in your hips and crotch helpfully loosening to allow for gestation and birth. This can start as early as 14 weeks, which one would think is way too fricking early for it, but nope. You’d be wrong. The general recommendation for this is to keep your knees together, to which I say, “That particular ship has left the harbor.”

#wellesley underground #pregnancy #pandemic pregnancy

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mahou-queen · 4 years

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♡52 Weeks of Lolita Questionnaire♡

In a recent Lovely Lor video, Lor answered questions from Loliprompts’ questionnaire “52 weeks of lolita”. It seems like a fun list of questions and I thought I would answer them too~ ♡

1. What is your favorite brand, and why? What’s its history? ♡ I guess my favorite brand would have to be Angelic Pretty. I love a lot of other brands, but the majority of dresses in my wish list right now are Angelic Pretty. As for their history? I don’t really know haha, I guess I should research that a bit.

2. How would you describe lolita fashion to a curious person you met in passing? ♡ I always just say I am apart of a fashion club? People don’t generally require more than that but if they did I would probably tell them that it’s an alternative fashion based on Victorian fashion and we have a fashion club and we get dressed up and meet for tea and stuff.

3. What style do you think is the most underrated, and why? ♡ qi and wa lolita. I almost never see them, or see interest in them which is a shame because there are some really beautiful dresses out there that are suited for these styles.

4. What does the phrase “lolita lifestyle” mean to you, and do you, or would you like to, adhere to it? ♡ lolita lifestyle is when you try to bring lolita or lolita-esque aesthetics into every aspect of your life. Maybe wearing lolita every or most days, and having a very “loliable” home/room. I could never be a lifestyler because I have other fashion interests. Also lolita is not appropriate at my workplace.

5. What do you think constitutes lolita etiquette or good manners? ♡ I don’t believe there is any “lolita etiquette” I think you should just be yourself. Good manner are good manners, don’t be rude to your comm members, don’t dance on the tables at a tea party. But that’s just commonsense I don’t think there is a way to behave that is lolita.

6. Does your style change with the seasons, or do you dress the same and try to bear the cold/heat? ♡ I try, but admittedly I am awful at it. I try to keep berets in the cooler months, as well as long sleeves. BUT I’m a sucker for ankle socks and I wear them all year despite the cold and I do freeze my legs off at winter meets.

7. Do you have a fashion role-model? What do you admire most about them? ♡ I actually have several! I will list them and their instagrams here: sleepyriri - Her coords are so dreamy looking, very light floaty aesthetic which I love. She also has her own lolita brand! Le_verger_sucre - Her coords are so pink and princess-y. I find myself sharing her photos a lot. Fannyrosie - the classic lolita queen. Need I say more? Tokimeki.bunny - I love the cuteness of her coords. They always have a lot of extra elements and are so well balanced. She’s also really good at coordinating printed tights which I am awful at. Tsumikko - Lavender QUEEN! I love her use of aprons, layering, and color balancing. Very light, floaty vibes. Milkcircus - Print QUEEN. Her use of prints and patterns absolutely inspires me. Coords are always very multi-dimensional Cursed.Kaiser - They’re coords are honestly so cool, there’s a kind of drama in them that I really like. Darkxdelirium - She almost made me want honey cake with her impeccable coording skills.

8. What are the top 10 things you love most about lolita? Can you also compile a list of things you hate? ♡ I don’t think I can come up with 10 but I’ll do my best. ♡ Loves: The community aspect, the ability to reclaim my femininity through lolita, the creativity that goes into building coords, crafting to make one of a kind pieces, being able to feel beautiful without being “sexy”, having a hobby to focus on when I need something to escape to.

♡ Hates: Second-hand market price fluctuation, brands still releasing dresses with a max 96cm bust, buying petticoats, storing my stuff (especially purses), brands who charge astronomical prices for low quality materials (AP purses, Q-pot jewelry, etc).

9. How strict are you in applying the rules to yourself? To others? ♡ I am pretty strict on myself. For a long time I was terrified to be seen as ita. I was even afraid to wear bodyline for fear of being ”ita” even though my coord was good. These days I am less strict on myself and worry much less about these things, but I still struggle to get out of the strict mindset from time to time. others? I love experimentation even if I am afraid to do so so I am really not too strict on others, if it works, it works, and I am not going to criticize anyone.

10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever incorporated into a coord, or the weirdest material you’ve ever worn? ♡ The weirdest thing I think I have ever worn in a coord were a pair of korilakkuma bell earrings. As you can imagine, bells on your ears? not great.

11. What’s the story behind your discovery of lolita fashion? ♡ When I was a senior in high school, a new girl started attending my school. She wore fairy kei and sweet lolita to school. We became friends through art class and eventually she ended up teaching me about the fashion. She sold me my first dress, and later my first brand piece. I am really glad to have met her and to have been exposed to lolita. You can follow her on instagram here

12. What is the one item that you’ve owned the longest? ♡ I still own my very first dress I got in 2012. Bodyline Squirrel Party. However, I am planning to sell it since I’ve worn it in everyway I can think of.

13. Do you think lolita is only about clothes, or does it also encompass a certain attitude or mindset? ♡ Lolita is about the fashion. All kinds of people are lolitas and they like it or wear it for different reasons.

14. Have you ever decorated a room or other space (car?) with lolita aesthetics in mind? ♡ My old bedroom used to be very “kawaii”. I love pink so my car stuff, my desk, as much as I can get away with, is pink.

15. Is it possible to be too obsessed with lolita? ♡ If lolita is interfering with your ability to pay your bills, or to be happy, or to focus on school or work or family then you should probably pull back. Some people do get very absorbed by things and in those cases it can become too much.

16. What are you favorite and least favorite trends? Do you think it’s important to follow them, or to do as you like regardless of them? ♡ My favorite trend ever is the chiffon half blouse. So comfortable, affordable, light, cute, and much more size inclusive. Least favorite trend? mis-matched shoes from the 2010 era. I like my shoes to get equal wear. I think these days more than ever, you can really just do whatever you want. Wear the fashion is right now is like anything goes which I think is great,

17. How do you define “lolita cosplay” and how do you feel about it? ♡ Lolita cosplay is stupid. sorry

18. Are there other fashions that you wear regularly, or are you an everyday lolita? ♡ I don't wear other street fashions anymore. I used to wear fairy kei and himekaji but these days I just dress regular outside of lolita.

19. Do you look for bargains to save as much money as possible, or are you willing to make sacrifices for high-quality products? ♡ I try to find the best prices when applicable but if I am in love with something I’ll do what I have to do.

20. When was the last time you wore lolita, and what did you do that day? If you wear it daily, when was the last time you went OTT or extra-fancy? ♡ The last time I wore lolita was in April lmao. For a virtual meet-up with my comm.

21. If you were to combine lolita fashion with an unrelated style or theme, what would your new creation be? ♡uhhhh I honestly have no idea at all.

22. What is your favorite accessory, and why is it your favorite? ♡ I have 2, 2-way bow clips from back when bodyline had a massive “sundries” section. They're no longer available and haven't been for a long time. I am really glad I got them, I wish I had bought more sundries when that section was still there.

23. What’s your favorite online lolita community or forum? Are there any that you avoid? ♡ I don’t have a favorite tbh. I have never been on 4chan and I never will be.

24. What is your favorite theme (e.g. school loli, pirate loli, nurse loli) or motif (e.g. deer, music notes, stars/constellations)? ♡ black and gold stars! Valentines day! fruits! gingham!

25. Is there any music that you associate with lolita? ♡ orange caramel lol

26. Will you ever be too old for lolita? ♡ never

27. Do you enjoy sewing? Why or why not? ♡ I don’t know how to sew :(

28. How does your location affect your involvement in the local lolita community? Would you like to move elsewhere to be closer, or perhaps farther away? ♡ I drive about 1.5 hours for meetups because that’s the closest active comm. I do not mind so much. I’d like to maybe be closer.

29. Does your sleepwear resemble lolita at all? ♡ not at all. I sleep in oversized t-shirts

30. Can you admit to any unpopular opinions regarding lolita? ♡ I hate peeking bloomers. I’m sorry :(

31. How do you feel about Visual kei or Jrock, and do you feel it’s related to lolita, or not? ♡ Love it, and absolutely. Visual Kei is like lolitas relative.

32. Whether or not you wear them (looking at you, Ouji), do you prefer the look of skirts, JSKs, and OPs with or without prints? ♡ I like both, but these days I am appreciating non-printed items more.

33. How has your style evolved over time? ♡ It hasn't really, just gotten more refined.

34. If applicable, what other communities do you belong to? What other identities do you adopt? ♡ I’m queer, so the LGBTQ community is important to me.

35. What are your favorite shoes to wear with your style, or what’s your dream pair? ♡ I love heels. I do not like flat shoes because I like to elongate my legs. I don’t have a dream pair.

36. Would you, or have you ever, dressed your pets in lolita? ♡ lol I’d try but I don't think it would work.

37. How do you feel about people who wear lolita for Halloween? Does it depend on whether that person is already a lolita? ♡ Wearing lolita for Halloween as a lolita is fine, but wearing it as a costume is kind of meh.

38. Excluding fashion shows, what’s the most amount of outfits you’ve ever worn in a day? ♡ just 1 haha

39. What’s your worst lolita horror story? ♡ I don’t really have any. I one time went with some of my college friends to a con and I left my dorm building in full sweet early in the morning. I was afraid my dormmates would see me cause I did not want to explain but luckily no one was awake and I made it to the van unscathed.

40. Do you like sweets? If so, what’s your favorite dessert? ♡ I love angel food cake

41. Do you have any beauty products, health routines, or special diet to keep you at your best? ♡ I take co-q-10 for my eczema, I like laneige lip sleeping mask, especially in the winter.

42. What were the best and worst meetups you’ve hosted? If you haven’t hosted, would you like to someday? ♡ I wanted to host a garden meet this summer but covid ruined that. Maybe next year.

43. Who is your favorite artist? If not famous for lolita art, do you think they have lolita appeal? ♡ I love a lot of artists, some of them I think are lolita-adjacent because their style is kawaii. I’ll list some here: jisaaaa! ubokhee MISOART_ meowwniz gojio_ hanavbara Fancy Surprise Arcade Healer Yurie Sekiya and many many more. Go stalk my following on instagram for lots of kawaii artists.

44. How do you feel about wigs? Do you wear any, or style your natural hair? ♡ I used to wear wigs, but my hair is too long now so I use my natural hair with fake bangs.

45. What’s your favorite animal motif? ♡ bears?

46. Have you ever visited a brand’s shop/boutique? If so, what was your reaction? If not, what shop would you most like to visit? ♡ I want to visit AP San Francisco

47. Do you think posting photos of your coord online is a crucial part of belonging to the community? ♡ YES, it’s how we all stay connected and inspired

48. How has the lolita community changed since you became a part of it? Where do you see lolita heading in the future in terms of community and networking? ♡ I think it’s become way more accepting and accessible. When I got into lolita there were virtually no legit resellers, the community was entirely on livejournal, buying second hand was a nightmare. Buying anything! was a nightmare. There was so much stress around looking “ita”, and the superiority of brand. These days its just not like that. So much amazing taobao brands have really helped even the field for lolita. We have so much more access to the clothes, the community, everything. It’s great. I only see it getting better as years go on.

49. What advice would you give someone who is nervous about starting lolita? Or do you think they should learn their own lessons? ♡ I think too many lolitas today rely on seasoned lolitas to tell them everything. I would say, go watch lovely lor, read @lolita-tips and look at other peoples coordinates. Lolita Tips tumblr taught me basically everything I know back in the day and it a wealth of info and concrit. Part of what makes the lolita journey so great is the research, the learning, the mistakes. You don’t wanna be like someone else, you wanna be you. So you really need to do the work yourself so you can put your personal flair into the fashion. That’s when it’s at its best.

50. What’s your dream dress/garment? Is it a faraway goal or have you obtained it? ♡ My dream dress was AP sweetie violet jsk in lavender. Which I got in 2019. My new dream dress is AP rose tea garden jsk in navy. It’ll probably be a while before I can afford to buy one.

51. How do you feel about the stereotype that lolitas are full of drama? What’s the worst drama you’ve ever witnessed or been involved in? ♡ I think any and all groups of people are bound to have drama. I don’t believe that’s specific to lolita at all. I personally have not been involved in any lolita drama.

52. Are you loyal to any particular makeup brands? ♡ I am very particular about my makeup because I do not like to use certain ingredients. I really like Pacifica. But I also like some Korean brands like The Saem, MISSHA, and TonyMoly.

This was super long but I had fun answering all the questions. Have you done this questionnaire? I’d love to see your answers~

#about me #lolita asks #loliprompts #52 weeks of lolita #lolita fashion #egl community #j fashion

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murfeelee · 4 years

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Video Games Pt3: Video Game Challenge

I saw this list on Pinterest out of nowhere, and what better way to ring in the new year than with another questionnaire, about my favorite pastime! This is the spiritual successor to Part 1 and Part 2.

Day 1 - Very first video game: Pacman and/or Mortal Kombat and/or Samurai Shodown on arcade machines (way back in the day when laundromats had arcade machines and gumball machines and such in them--good times, good times U_U); Tetris on computers; and a buttload of PS1 titles (again: back in the good ole days when consoles came with promo demo discs--I had Frogger, Need for Speed, Medieval, and a bunch of others).

Day 2 - Your favorite character: Here’s my Top 10 Males post and Top 10 Females post.

Day 3 - A game that is underrated: I will preach the greatness of PS1′s Legend of Dragoon till my dying day. It was doomed to dwell in Final Fantasy 7′s shadow, which came out earlier that same year, and it’s a real shame, cuz LoD was E V E R Y T H I N G.

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My favorite aspects of the game are:

Its lore and worldbuilding. On top of the fact that the premise of the game is could be an anime series in its own right, you just get SO EXCITED to visit each new location, and uncover more about the world’s history, and see the different architecture, technologies, cultures and different races (I LOVE the Winglies, of course). It’s actually a gorgeous game for its time.

The combat -- I STILL have some of the Addition patterns memorized to this very day! They get progressively harder as you level up, but once you get used to the timing you feel so dang good. Die, More and More!

The soundtrack and cutscenes. The NOSTALGIA? O_O Bruh. The story is just really good, and was the very first video game to make me cry when certain...events...happened. Play the game and find out for yourself!

Day 4 - Your guilty pleasure game: The Sims, Dragon Age...any and all EA games. Effing ashamed of myself every time I give that nest of corporate demons at Electronic Farts money. “Surprise mechanics” my arse.

Day 5 - Game character you feel you are most like (or wish you were): Has Jar Jar Binks been in a video game yet? Then that’s me. XD But I wish I was most like Lara Croft, as explained in my Top 10 Females post.

Day 6 - Most annoying character: For females it’s Lightning from Final Fantasy 13, and for males it’s Vaan, from Final Fantasy 12. I don’t mind as much when supporting characters are effing annoying (Vanille, Hope, etc), but when it’s the MAIN protagonist?! WHY, Square Enix? WHY.

Lightning was just a negative nancy debbie downer. I wish they had swapped Serah and Lightning, I seriously do. I just couldn’t stand her dry and soulless personality. She wasn’t being edgy or bada** or cool or sexy or FANG or anything; she was just a bitter jaded unhappy wench.

And with Vaan I just effing hate that dude. Why was he even there? They tried so hard to make this pushy entitled kid relevant, but I was like no, the story could’ve easily been told without him, and I wish it had been; he’s a effing idiot.

Day 7 - Favorite game couple: Yuna and Tidus from FFX (hardest I ever cried playing a video game -- THE FEELS I TELL YOU).

Day 8 - Best soundtrack: I used to think it was Skyrim, but nope, it’s Witcher 1, 2 and 3. Just listen to ALL of the songs CDPR ever produced for the entire franchise, including all the unreleased tracks, and enjoy the eargasm.

Day 9 - Saddest game scene: Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice had me legit depressed for a good week. Get your tissues and holy water ready; it’s seriously effed up. The entire game is the saddest I ever played, jfc.

Day 10 - Best gameplay: Witcher 3, duh. Main quests, side quests, combat, dialogue, plot, graphics, worldbuilding, creatures, bosses, soundtrack, characters, Gwent, NEED I GO ON.

Day 11 - Gaming system of choice: Playstation for life. But the Nintendo Switch is effing brilliant, ngl; once they put Skyrim & The Witcher on it I was like SOLD.

Day 12 - A game everyone should play: At least ONE Final Fantasy game. There’s 15+, and Dissidia and Kingdom Hearts. It’s not just a game, it’s an experience.

As much as I rag on FF13 and FF15, they’re still admittedly LEAGUES better than a lot of other crap out there. I just happen to feel that Square Enix is out of its frikkin mind lately, and tbh I’ve been rapidly losing my hype for the FF7 Remake. I was never much of a FF7 fan to begin with, aside from being a rabid Sephiroth fangirl and watching Advent Children a billion times. But Square’s gotta be drunk as a skunk if they think I’m paying all that money for god knows how many of these effing “episodes” they’re gonna piecemeal us to dangit death with. HAYUL no. I’d rather not get too attached.

Day 13 - A game you’ve played more than five times:

Day 14 - Current (or most recent) gaming wallpaper: Huh?

Day 15 - What game are you playing right now: Speak of the devil, I’m replaying God of War for the zillionth time already.

Day 16 - Game with the best cut scenes: In terms of graphics and story impact IMO might be Red Dead Redemption 2. That game was frikkin gorgeous, and the story was SO DANG GOOD. Braithwaite Manor!? O_O

Day 17 - Favorite antagonist: For females it’s either Edea from FF8, or Yunalesca from FFX. For dudes it’s Sephiroth, from FF7. That man needs some serious counseling.

Day 18 - Favorite protagonist: Yuna from FFX for the ladies, and TW3′s Geralt of Rivia for the dudes.

Day 19 - A game world you would like to live in: The more Middle Eastern-inspired scifi/steampunki-medievalesque world of Ivalice from FF12, or the medieval French/Swiss Toussaint from The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine.

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Day 20 - Favorite genre: RPGs and JRPGs, and pretty much action-adventure games with swords and sorcery.

Day 21 - Game with the best story: Red Dead Redemption, which is a good thing and a bad thing. A lot of the time I felt I was watching a movie, rather than playing a game. But it was still an Oscar worthy movie. XD

Day 22 - A game sequel which disappointed you: Technically it hasn’t come out yet, but from what we’ve seen of the Nioh 2 beta release, omfg what’s going on? U_U Now, don’t get me wrong! Nioh 2 looks AMAZING. But....that’s cuz it looks exactly like Nioh 1, just with new yokai gameplay thrown in. o_O Uh...is this a DLC expansion pack or what? Cuz it sure ain't lookin like a full-fledged sequel! :P Dare I call it an asset flip. Come on, don’t do this; do MORE. Unless this is actually an expansion you’ll sell for half the price. ;)

Day 23 - Game you think had the best graphics or art style: For graphics it’s RDR2, but for most unique art style it’s always been Okami for me. <3

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Day 24 - Favorite classic game: Spyro the Dragon. Their reboot for PS4 was AMAZING.

Day 25 - A game you plan on playing: Cyberpunk 2077. I’m so bummed, knowing the game’s been delayed to September 2020 instead of April, but oh well. As long as CDPR gives us that master-class level of Polish we all know and love from The Witcher 3, then take as much time as you need, I guess. At least they’re not like effing EA or Bethesda. XD

Day 26 - Best voice acting: BOY. Freaking iconic, Kratos. :P

Day 27 - Most epic scene ever: Ciri beating the absolute tastebuds outta Caranthir in TW3, not once but twice. Most OP Witcher EVER, girl; WERK.

Day 28 - Favorite game developer: Though I effing hate them, I’m still a Square Enix fangirl at heart. It’s just saddening to see this weird turn they’ve been making recently, with garbage like the Quiet Man, and especially with Final Fantasy, my favorite game series of all time. U_U I’m not looking forward to the FF7 Remake anymore, tbh. I just hope FF16 is more of a return to form.

Day 29 - A game you thought you wouldn't like, but ended up loving: Skyrim. I was never a big fan of Elder Scrolls games, and when Skyrim came out I was very meh at first. But then the mods started coming out for it and I was like wow. O_O

Day 30 - Your Favorite game of all time: Legend of Dragoon on PS1, Final Fantasy X on PS2, Skyrim on PS3/PC, The Witcher 3 on PS4, and The Sims on PC.

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Thanks for reading!

#video games #questionnaire #EA you suck #Electronic Arts #more like electronic farts

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awkwardbsd · 5 years

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dazai pls? :)

No problem! I am always happy to receive asks. This one was a little delayed because I napped during the middle of asking it. This is gonna get a little bit long (the other ones were long, but I never put a line whoops). This one gets into both anime (Dead Apple and otherwise) and manga spoiler territory. You have been warned!

First impression

I’ll be honest, I almost dropped this series a few times because of Dazai. I found the way that they introduced him was very… nonsensical and almost insensitive. It was definitely not what we would qualify as “politically correct” by today’s standards, and his appearance certainly was off-putting as well with the bandages flapping in the wind. He came off as a good-for-nothing scoundrel who was a little distasteful.

Current Impression

Well, he’s certainly changed! He went from being an irresponsible reckless fool to an irresponsible reckless fool with impeccable (and overpowered) intelligence and a purpose!

Favourite moment

Odasaku’s death scene and really any moments with Odasaku (pre and post-death). I know that those scenes were much more of a highlight for Odasaku, but it was also a pivotal moment for Dazai’s character.

Idea for a story

I was just talking about this idea today! It was in response to my BSD Questionnaire (which I’m having a lot of fun reading the answers for)

@dreaming-of-butterflies actually brought it up again (hehe)

I’m about to go on a bit of a tangent. Forgive my awful writing. The last fanfiction I wrote was for Peppa Pig meeting Dazai. I wish I was kidding, but yeah, my last fanfic was Peppa Pig facing off against Dazai.

It was early on a Saturday afternoon with the exhausted sun shining over Yokohama just before the curtain call which would call it a day. The Detective Agency was slow but still running when a man knocked on the door. He opened it apprehensively.

“Is there anything we can help you with, sir?” Atsushi asked.

The man stumbled back slightly. His voice croaked and trembled, “My name is Eliot… Thomas Stearns Eliot.” He glanced over at Atsushi as if there was something right next to him.

“Is something wrong?” Atsushi asked. He looked over to his side. There was no one there.

“It’s just that…” he slowly pointed, “there is a man there.”

“Pardon–”

“He is there. He is a tall stern man in a white coat. He keeps mouthing over and over again, ‘You cannot forgive me.’”

Atsushi staggered and lost his balance. His hands were trembling. Why? What was this man saying? The man from the orphanage, the headmaster, was there? He was dead! He was ecstatic about it. Words couldn’t form from his mouth.

“Atsushi? What’s wrong?” Tanizaki asked.

“I knew he was dead. He’s dead.” Atsushi mumbled under his breath.

The man was frazzled, “My ability… it’s called Until Human Voices Wake Us. It requires me to pass on messages from people who are dead. I must say these things or else something within me will vanish. If I ignore a spirit’s request to make contact, I lose a memory from my past. I want to know how to remove it! That’s why I came here! I want this ability gone! It has ruined too many people. I can’t take it anymore.”

“You!” he pointed to Kyouka who was on the opposite side of the room. “You have two people standing by your side. They look just like you.” He paused, “Your parents… they truly loved you. They are so happy for you. They say they are sorry for not being able to stay by your side. They wanted to protect you… they really wanted to protect you.” The man was now crying a little. “They said that they love you more than anything in the world and that they wish that they could’ve done something different than to spare you the pain of witnessing their deaths. ‘Please forgive us Kyouka. We promise to never leave your side. We will always love you.’”

Dazai walked into the room. The man flinched. The man opened his mouth, “There is a man with reddish brown hair next to you.” Dazai’s eyes opened wide. He had eavesdropped on the conversation, but he didn’t know that Odasaku would be at his side, not at a time like this.

“The man standing next to you… he has five kids, four boys and a girl. He’s smiling. He’s saying, ‘I’m proud of you.’” He was about to say more when Dazai placed his hand on the man’s shoulder nullifying his ability. Dazai looked like he had tears in his eye but not a single one was shed.

Unpopular opinion

I wish Ranpo got more of a spotlight than Dazai for his intelligence and capabilities. Ranpo is the smartest, but they always rely on Dazai to compete and solve all these problems. He’s always the one facing off with Fyodor and giving the exposition on “how we solved this”. I want to see Ranpo doing it because we don’t always get enough of it, and Ranpo is more than an ongoing side plot that plays into the main story. We need our crime-solving sleuth back! Dazai can be smart and he can solve things, but let’s not lose focus on the true #1 detective!

Favourite relationship

I can go on about Dazai and Atsushi, but I think that ones really clear on why their dynamic is so great. This time, I’m going to focus on the Dark Era Trio and Odazai!

I’m going to be copying and pasting a lot of my previous post’s points. [Source] (also, sorry for OP because looking back on it, I completely hijacked their post and I’m really sorry for that)

Dazai still lives in the same body and soul that he did when he was in the Mafia. Despite moving from the Port Mafia to the ADA, he couldn’t pull the complete 180 on himself. He still lives in a shadow of his previous actions, and that’s why he truly doesn’t believe he’s a good person.

Odasaku saw that good in Dazai even during his darkest moments. If he didn’t believe in Dazai, he wouldn’t have told him to be on the side that saves people. Odasaku saw Dazai beyond his depression, suicidal urges, and the suffering he’s been through. He trusted him to carry on the legacy he left behind.

Dazai still can’t completely get over the death of his best friend. Look at the first set of screenshots.

Dazai: “Does it look like I’m visiting a grave to you?”Atsushi: “It does. [Why?]”

That look on his face is shock. He is still shaken. He still hangs and loiters by Odasaku’s grave as if he’s still alive. It’s not like he’s expecting him to get up, but he acts like he’s still existing.

Dazai, to me, is one of those people that would buy a crab and a plate of curry. He would place the curry on the gravestone of Odasaku. He eats some of the crab he brought for himself. He brings some alcohol. He talks to him all night and says all that has happened. He talks about the agency, Atsushi, Kunikida, and he talks about how he misses the trio. He admits he didn’t know what Ango has been up to.

Just look at this Wan! cover

Ango himself isn’t over the death either. Ango is the one who covered for the both of them so that Dazai would be able to leave the Mafia.

“I made use of it only once. Four years ago… so that Dazai-kun could live outside the Mafia. I erased his past sins.”“Why did you get your hands dirty only once?”“For a friend who is no longer here. To repent, at least minimally, for my sins to him.”

[Quote Source]

That’s why they’re my favourites!

Favourite headcanon

As previously mentioned, Dazai sits by Oda’s grave and has a meal.

Another mini-excursion because I feel like it. Again, forgive my awful writing because I really can’t write (probably because I don’t read).

“Yo Odasaku!” Dazai leaned against the grave of Sakunosuke Oda. He placed a plate of curry on the opposite side of the grave. Dazai tore open the shell of a crab and began eating it. Two glasses of alcohol were placed.

“Be on the side that saves people,” Dazai mumbled. “You know, the Detective Agency is a lot better than the Mafia! There are all kinds of fun people, and best of all, I don’t have to deal with that asshat Chuuya! You know, I got to blow up his car before I left. Thank goodness for Ango.” He paused and took a bite and a swig. “Speaking of Ango, I still really miss us. Lupin just isn’t the same without you. I haven’t talked to Ango in ages either… the guy works for the government now too.” He sighed then smiled, “But yeah, the Detective Agency is great! Chuuya isn’t there, Ranpo is the world’s greatest detective, I get to mess with Kunikida, Shachou is so cool, Yosano used to be in the Mafia but managed to escape, and Atsushi… you would love Atsushi! He’s so naive and difficult, he cries so often, but his heart… it reminds me of yours.”

#Dazai Osamu #ask #bsd #ask game #bungou stray dogs #not awkward #odasaku #Oda Sakunosuke #odazai

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passionthatmoves · 4 years

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Quarantine: Return of the Tags?

I’ve been tagged by @kxowledge fill this quarantine questionnaire.

Firstly, I must say I very much share her thoughts in relation to feeling a great sense of warmth and companionship with mutuals. Whether I’ve met you or not, I wish you all the very best at this time, and always.

~Where are you isolated? (Country or city too if you like)

At home base in London

~What are you currently reading or watching?

Well at the moment, reading Churchill’s early autobiography My Early Life. It’s an...interesting...perspective on the young man who would become pater familias of the nation. Of course some of the political views are quite dated and problematic - some of which are recognised as such by Churchill himself upon reflection. It nonetheless functions as a interesting perspective.

I’ve rediscoverd some old favourites as far as music goes. Dvorak’s Cello Concerto in B minor, Op. 104, and R.V. Williams’ The Lark Ascending.

I’m in between series at the moment. Although The English Game was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

~If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?I

I can do, to exercise. Although I do not like exercising outside, so I usually just talk around my flat building’s garden/yard to get some fresh air, etc.

.~Any fascinating concept you’re studying

At the moment, not really. Intellectual pursuits are lacking at the moment. I did come across some feminist film critique discussing the male gaze in film, which was intriguing. I’m not sure it was fascinating though.

~What kinds of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing

I have a little keyboard on which I play a little music. That is it for the moment.

~A song/s that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

Gosh, not really.

~Favourite impulsive/’bad’ coping techniques?

Hmm, probably staying in bed too long in the mornings?

I’m never sure whom to tag. Anyone who wants to is very welcome indeed. Although I’ve always happy to hear from @lauralizabeth @londonbibliophile and @fhawne

#mine #upload #me

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vaingloriosa · 5 years

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the ultimate tagged masterpost

so, i have been slacking in returning y’all’s tagged games and i felt really bad because some of them were writing tag games...and i had nothing to show for. HOWEVER! i have made a sort of bounce back with a lot of friends supporting me :)

let’s kick things off, huh?

1) “ six sentence snippet tag” tagged by @thedragonkween (im love u!) and @the-darklings (love u as well!)

here’s y’all’s king quentin beck!! also, i think this is...six sentences...

Quentin isn’t sure why he continues to twiddle with the gold band around his ring finger while he’s not performing in front of an audience.

After every debriefing, he takes a bow as the curtain draws before him, the spotlight diminishing from his view, he can’t help but reach for it. The ring acts like some sort of tether, bound somewhere between the role Quentin plays and something far fetched...a yearning feeling that breaks his own heart at times. He can’t quite find the words to express how he feels but he knows to ignore such foolish longing.

Focus, Beck.

Focus.

2) “author questionnaire tag” tagged by @veanery (gracias, mi amiga!!) and @deviantramblings (MISS. LAUREN!! MWAH!!)

fandoms you write for: bruh moment, it changes almost every single day or sumn. i predominately write for marvel and star wars however i have written for john wick, devil may cry 5, stranger things, and d*troit: b*come h*man in the past. i thought about writing for rdr2 hehe

where you post: if you don’t find my work here, you can find me at ao3 under the pseudo “zebracakes”. fair warning, i do not upload all my stories there unless it’s a personal story that i think my readers over there will appreciate as well. so, if u think u see my work on wattpad or whatever y’all mfs use, that ain’t me!

most popular one-shot: Under the Twinkling Stars is a fake wedding date!john wick x reader story that honestly never thought would take off the way that it did. nearly 2k notes! it was originally a request...like wow kudos to op

most popular multi-chapter story: haha....ahh, i accidentally deleted my multi-series story but it was my one and only so there ain’t no answer here

favorite story you’ve wrote: hands down it’s νοσταλγία. this loki x reader story is something that was written in the spur of the moment and it’s about my favorite trope of all time (soulmate au). i tried a new approaching to writing and i am really happy with the outcome!! sometimes i forget that i actually wrote it sjdsajlda

a story you were nervous to post: like hannah said, all of them. authors always tend to be their own worst critics and i am no different. funny enough, i’ve actually taken down some stories i felt were just...not my strongest because they were a little embarrassing to have them up on display.

how do you choose your titles: hmm, great question! i know a lot of authors use lyrics as their titles nd like...i wish i had that kinda brand. most of the times, the title ties into the story and though it’s never stated in the story, it relates to what the story is about. some of my more “adventurous” titles revolve around foreign languages and sometimes inspired by song titles.

do you outline: HELL NAH! i have a vague concept, open up an empty text post, and ROLL WITH IT. however, with some stories, i do take a little bit of time to pinpoint crucial moments of the story but other than that...i just wing it, bro.

complete: what the fuck does this mean?? how many stories i’ve completed?? umm on this blog it’s 53? i think? i was counting fast. i did have more pero i deleted a lot of them during a spiral lmaoo

in-progress: according to my drafts, it’s 15 and they are all OVER the place. however, i do not plan on writing all of them. big sad let’s pour one out

coming soon: i know i piqued some of y’all’s interests when i said i’m stepping into the mysterio x reader fic world so i got sumn in the kitchen for y’all. surprisingly...if anyone is up to it....there’s some dbh leftovers in the fridge...

do you accept prompts: of course i always do! though motivation has been a fickle thing so...bear with me and understand if i don’t take your request.

upcoming story you are most excited to write: quentin x reader angst that has me waking up sometimes to write sumn down for it. without giving too much away, it deals with grief, heartache, longing, and...time travel? brooOo i’m the only one excited like it’s just me, omi, nur, and dori shrieking in the woodlands

3) “10 things tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (thank u, madame!)

list 10 things that make me happy :)

good music to dance to

air conditioning

cats

kind words

cold water

ibuprofen

soft blankets

pdf files

keanu reeves

finding money that you forgot u had

4) “last line tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (thank u again, ma’am), @the-darklings (*tips fedora*), and @veanery (u tagged me so LONG ago EYE)

this is for that one quentin beck x reader story i was talking about.

“Is he currently sleep walking?“

this is the last thing i typed on my draft. however, on my notes app....she is just all over the place...idk where she begins and ends. it’s utter chaos

5) “21 questions” tagged by @thefvlcon (thnak u, kayla!!)

Name / Nickname: it’s anjelica but i go by my nickname “angel”

Sign: scorpio sun, aquarius moon, scorpio rising (?) aka i’m all sorts of dumbass

Height: 5 ft 4

Hogwarts House: i’m only interested in y’all’s hufflepuff bc the mascot is cute and apparently they live near the kitchen??

Last thing I Googled: .....electric shaver....don’t @ me bro only omi knows

Favourite musician/s: bro :// umm, mitski, kshmr, lil nas x, bastille, megan thee stallion, foxes, the killers

Last song I listened to: 10,000 nights by alphabeat! such an old school bop y’all BEST listen to it

Song stuck in my head: it ranges from strawberry blond by mitski or barbed wire by rogue

Following: 78

Followers: on this writing blog, 1,861. my main blog has 1,464

Do you get asks: once in awhile hehe

Amount of Sleep: fluctuates from nine hours to straight up four hours asjkdsalk WHEW

Lucky Number: 7? it’s always been 7

What I’m Wearing: my pajamas aka a ratty light blue avengers shirt from walmart with holes and weird stains and pajama shorts with lil stars and moons from walmart as well lmaooo

Dream Trip: PUMPKIN SOUP WORLD TOUR

Instruments: flute and piano...i am a Lady

Languages: english and spanish because i’m basic and unoriginal

Favourite Song/s: of all time?? BABA YETU!!!!!!!!!!

Random Fact: wild how some of y’all don’t know that i have a twin sister. we ain’t look alike pero u came out from the same mom so

Aesthetic: exposed brick, warm tones, neon lighting, pink sunsets, matte, possums

6) “find the word tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (gosh it’s just u nd me and these tag games huh!!)

rules are you are given a set of words to search them in your wips. my set of challenge words are: tear(s), snow, sun, laugh

omg...i couldn’t....find any of those words in any of my wips asjkdsajkldsa WHEW this was quite....uneventful lmao sorry to disappoint :(( however, i did find some with the word “laughter”...does that count?

start from the beginning (connor x reader)

Hank can’t contain his laughter as he wraps his arms across his chest and shakes his graying hair. He knows that when Connor whips out his formal title out, it’s all in a joking, familial matter. “Oh, and you’re gonna use me as well? Shit, kid, might as well take my house while you’re at it.”

untitled bucky x reader

Your laughter sounds like a sweet melody, one he’s heard over and over again yet he never gets tired of hearing it. Bucky watches as you stand up and walk towards him to take the mason jars out of his hands. His eyes look down to observe a golden wedding band around your finger which prompts him to look at his own left hand. Lo and behold, gold.

oh hold up i found “laugh” lmaooo

untitled connor x reader

“Hello? Is anyone home?” He waves his hand over your face to snap you out of your daze. Your reaction makes Connor’s whole body shake as he laughs with his entire being. A shy smile grows as you lick the seam of your lips and giggle softly to yourself. The candles on the cake flicker, the flames creating a hypnotic trance as they dance to and fro.

(if it sounds ooc, there’s a reason for that that you’ll find out IF I EVER PUBLISH IT LMAOO)

WAIT! I FOUND “TEAR(S)”!!

untitled bucky x reader

Tears prickle at the edge of your eyes but you must not show the fear, the exact physiological response they’re anticipating. You slow down your erratic breathing, trying your best to calm your racing heart. Your eyes shift from your boots to the containment they are keeping your Bucky in. He is sound asleep, a false sense of peace and equilibrium. You want to caress his face and to press your body against him once again to remember the feeling you’ve lost years ago.

7) “ writing style alignment tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (u a real one)

most definitely a chaotic planster! defined by:

has an idea for a plot when they start

who writes things down??

has to assemble scenes into a frankendraft

my method is incredibly messy when it comes to writing. usually there is an idea (thanks, nick fury), which is usually triggered by a scene i want to develop. sometimes all i have is a scene but no plot. sometimes i have a concept of a plot with no real direction. AM I VALID??

8) “ playlist shuffling tag” tagged by @the-darklings (*jenna marbles voice* oh hell yeah) and @veanery (oh my gosh this tag is from many MOONS ago)

since my main playlist only has like five songs, i will go into my general playlist where it’s a literal...what even is it...

oriana by roger zarzour

focus by blackcode

superhuman by crystal knives

adios by ricky martin

take me (not your dope remix) by jikay

all you need to know by gryffin

this is love by hardwell

can’t hear a word you’re saying by x-change

kay gayi chull by the kapoor & sons cast

music del corazon by josh groban

9) “about me tag” tagged by @veanery (brooo thank u), @pointedly-foolish (ayy lmaoo suh dude), @deviantramblings (this was a popular game huh), and @wrinkledparchment (miss. lexi said rights!)

name: angel

gender: female

birthday: november 10th

relationship status: single

favorite color: sunflower yellow

top 3 ships: besides my usual self-ships, let’s do some...actual ships. finnrey, thorkyrie, finnpoe

last song: 学園天国 by clc

last movie: *checks letterboxd* spider-man: far from home lmaooo asjkdsjakl

10) “OTP challenge “ tagged by @reyskywclker (thank u for my rights, miss. parker)

besides the ones that i said in the previous tag, here’s ten more

john/abigail

han/leia

rey/jessika

sam/bucky

thor/bruce

carol/maria

t’challa/nakia

connor/north

peter/mj (mcu)

fuck i literally don’t ship a lot omg i am running on FUMES uhhhh....tiana/prince naveen

11) “about me” tagged by @reyskywclker (this is literally from earlier this year eye...)

Q1. Relationship status?

single and printing out boyfriend applications as we speak

Q2. Favourite colour?

right now it’s yellow :) it definitely fluctuates with what’s going tf on with my life. real life mood ring

Q3. Top 3 ships?

i’m going self-ships because it’s MY sleepover!! loki/me but two more times

Q4. Lipstick or chapstick?

MATTE LIQUID LIPSTICK IS THE ONLY WAY TO GOOOO

Q5. Last song I listened to?

came here for love by sigala

Q6. Last movie I watched?

spidey far from homie

12) “aesthetics tag” tagged by @deviantramblings (mwah!)

honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea //strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés //unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour // sweet or sour // rome or amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen // sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macaroon or croissants // glitter or matte //degas or seurat // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip //colouring books or water colour // fairy lights or candles

13) “about tag” tagged by @obsiidio (o hy mgosdhashdja HELLLLOOO!!)

name: angel, formally known as anjelica age: 24 lmaooo favourite colour: yellow!! when you made this account: may 26, 2010 at 8:40:44 PM follower count: 1,861?? i think? superpower: night owl favourite drink: ICE COLD WATER, BABEYY! a song(s) you love right now: devil inside me by kshmr dream career: for now....doing something fun while getting paid dream vacation: tokyo and seoul aka just the pumpkin soup world tour hogwarts house: hufflemfpuff fuck jk rowlings for sorting me into gryffindor favourite character this week: DR. JOHNNY WILCOX!!!! HELL YEAH!! christmas or halloween: halloweem

and THAT’S THAT ON THAT! whew, that was...a lot of energy. this took me two days to finish. for those who have not been tagged in these challenges, feel free to tag me in any of these :) you do NOT have to do each and everyone of them ajskdjsal

#about me

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hwaetever · 5 years

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D, G, and O for that book ask?

D: unfortunately I don’t like The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which I know the OP of that questionnaire really loves. I feel like I must be missing some vital subtleties of local/historical/political context that might make it great, and without that there’s just not enough compensation for the awful depictions of women. (Like, I can handle the inept and reductive writing of women in something like Der Steppenwolf, because we can tell there’s something other than realism going on; we’re getting inside the psyche of a person who is so isolated that other people don’t have much realism to him–but I’m pretty sure Kundera isn’t doing that. He just writes women so badly it feels hostile to me, and that’s that.)

G: I love reading in the Rare Books room of Firestone Library so much that I sometimes order in books of which I could technically use electronic copies, just to work there.

O: either Austerlitz by W.G. Sebald or Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I also like On Beauty by Zadie Smith but I can’t call anything of hers a “favorite” because actually reading her books always involves quite a lot of suffering for me, and then afterward they mellow in my memory and the parts I get attached to float to the surface.

#fearhyren

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jordan202 · 6 years

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My Boys: Beyond the Horizon - Chapter 9

Thanks @jia911 for taking her time off her busy schedule to help me out!

Previous chapters are HERE.

My Boys: Beyond the Horizon – Chapter Nine

“Did Mom really cook those?”

Owen laughed when he heard the incredulity on Danny’s voice through the phone on the kitchen table. They were having the planned family dinner on that stormy Monday night and since the twins were away at school, Thomas had had the excellent idea to call them just as the family sat down to eat.

“I did and I can prove it,” Amelia flashed her son a smile, proudly showing off a perfectly grilled portion of salmon on her plate. “Dad just made it home so you guys can’t say I am lying. I did it.”

“I bet it was Meg who did it,” Robbie playfully nudged Danny’s shoulder with his own so he could fit in the tiny screen too. Everyone knew that aside from their father, the youngest child of the house was the only one who could successfully scrape together a recipe.

“How dare you,” Amelia replied with mock outrage, but she had to hide her smile behind the fork not to be caught so easily.

The way Megan and Owen chuckled in unison pretty much confirmed Robbie’s suspicions.

“I did everything, mom only set on the stove,” Megan confessed with a wide smile.

“Which is, of course, the most important part,” Amelia defended herself with an aura of dignity.

“No, the most important part is the part when we eat,” Lucas corrected her, reaching out for his portion. “Hey, you two dorks, are you guys making it this weekend?”

“Yeah, we are looking forward to it,” Danny answered while Robbie agreed with excitement. “We have to stay until Friday night but we’ll try to be free as soon as possible.”

Since Lucas had his first official game with the Seattle Sounders in the upcoming weekend, he had been adamant about having the whole family there. Robbie and Danny were currently living at a five hour flight distance and aware of their brothers’ difficulty to make it to the city and back in a single weekend, Lucas had decided to charter a private aircraft to pick up and later take his brothers so they could make it in time without it being too exhausting on them.

“I can’t wait to see you two,” Amelia added with a smile.

“Hey, is it okay if we bring a friend?” Danny tried to sound casual but the reddish look on his face didn’t go unnoticed.

“It depends,” Lucas asked after swallowing his food. Once he noticed the look on his brother’s face, he teased, “is she single?”

“He is kind of hoping she won’t be single anymore by then,” Robbie answered playfully.

As he heard Megan stealing the phone from Lucas’ hand to immediately start a lighthearted questionnaire on Danny’s possible date, Owen looked around and saw that while Amelia and Robbie laughed at Lucas and Megan’s quarrel and Danny’s predicament, Thomas remained in silence, observing the situation with a distant smile on his lips.

He waited until everyone was pretty much done with their meal and the twins said their goodbye following the strict hours at Westpoint to finally take action on what he’d been planning to do since the week before.

“Hey buddy, can you help me with the dishes?” he looked into his son’s eyes. “Mom and Meg already cooked,” he said in a convincing manner and then looked at his eldest son. “Can you take Peanut for a walk tonight? We’ll wait for you to have dessert.”

Lucas didn’t know how, but he understood the message that he wasn’t supposed to rush Thomas to go home or even offer to help wash the plates. With a head nod, he went outside followed by his mother and sister, eager to see the family’s loyal Golden Retriever.

“Kepner said you handled a hypertensive pneumothorax on your own today,” Owen started the conversation as soon as he and his son started arranging the dishes on the washer. “That’s pretty impressive,” he added, hoping for a positive start.

“Thanks,” Thomas shyly smiled. He’d been so used to not getting any positive feedback for the past weeks that the comment cheered him up a little.

“She said that if you had waited thirty seconds longer the guy would have most likely not made it,” Owen went on. Kepner had told him that the ER had been hit with a large number of casualties following a bus crash and by the time a supposedly low risk patient had started showing signs of instability, Thomas was the one in the room with him suturing the guy’s forehead. On the seconds it’d taken her to leave one critical case to answer the code call, the trauma surgeon had found the intern already decompressing the chest. “Not everyone would have the guts to make the call,” the chief of surgery admitted. “Especially after the rough few weeks you’ve been having. So… it was a great thing what you did.”

Thomas stopped stacking the plates and looked up to meet his fathers’ eyes.

“It’s fine, dad,” he shrugged. “It felt amazing to do it and I’m glad I had the opportunity to. I am just glad the guy made it through. He works delivering pizzas at night so he can go to school during the day. It wasn’t his time to go yet.” Thomas affirmed with conviction.

“Tom,” Owen stopped him from going back to the task his son had set to perform. Seeing he had the young guy’s attention, the surgeon proceeded, “how have you been?”

The intern seemed to think about his answer for a moment before he finally started to talk.

“Okay, I guess.”

Owen wasn’t convinced.

“I know the hours are long and…”

“They are long for everyone,” Thomas said, hoping to sound positive. “It’s a part of the job, right?”

“Why didn’t you update your charts?” Owen completely gave up on doing the dishes and looked his son into his eyes while serenely asking the question. He hoped not to sound judgmental.

Thomas hesitated, visibly uncomfortable.

“Dad, should we really be talking about this?”

“I am not asking you as your boss,” Owen assured him with security. “I am asking as your father. Nothing we discuss here will ever make it to the hospital. I promise.”

Owen had a pretty good feeling about what was happening, but he wanted to hear it from Thomas. The intern struggled a little while longer before finally admitting.

“Brown told us we weren’t supposed to do it,” Thomas admitted after long seconds. His resident wasn’t exactly the most inspiring teacher for them but they were still her subordinates and hoping to stay out of trouble with his immediate boss, Thomas had done what he’d been instructed. “She said that if we took care of pre and post ops, she would take care of the charts,” he shared, visibly embarrassed. “A few times I tried to argue that it was better that we wrote our own because we were the ones actually doing things, but she had us pick up her coffee and run labs saying she would do it and we should just focus on the tasks she gave us. I figured she just preferred to sit down and do the easy work,” he confessed. “I had no idea she was just using us to do her obligations and spending all those hours in the OR the entire time.”

Owen took a deep breath, believing every word his son had shared. Just like he suspected, Brown had failed her interns but it still didn’t mean they weren’t responsible for breaking a rule.

“Don’t beat yourself up about this,” Owen held his shoulder with his hand and looked deeply into his son’s eyes. “It was a naïve move and you fell for it, but the time to fall for it is now,” he wisely pointed out. “This is a job where most of the time we can’t afford to make mistakes, but we are not machines and we will make mistakes,” his role as father spoke louder than his role as chief when Owen added the words, “what you did wasn’t right, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. You learn from it and that’s it. Next time, you won’t swap your obligations just because it’s more convenient for someone else. I know it sounds scary, but sometimes it’s important to stand up to your resident and challenge them too, okay? They are not the infinite source of knowledge they think they are and remember that just a year ago, they were standing exactly where you are. You didn’t know better. They should.”

Thomas took in his father’s words and nodded positively, accepting them.

“I just thought…” he struggled. “I thought that this was one of those things we learn in med school but do differently in real life, you know?” Thomas confessed. “She spoke so comfortably about it that I figured it was probably one of those things they tell you that you absolutely can’t do but just as standard protocol… Kind of like having a cell phone inside the OR. Everyone does it, even though it’s not right.”

Owen chuckled, fully understanding what he meant.

“I know you’re at some awful crossroads, Tom,” he sighed heavily, feeling sorry that his son was paying the price for it. “I know you’re hesitating to come to me or Mom when you have questions or doubts because you think this will make up for special treatment or put you in a different position than your peers but just keep in mind that before being your boss, I am your father, okay?” Owen held the back of his son’s head, making sure he was listening. “I am your dad and I am always here for you if you have something on your mind.”

Thomas seemed touched by the words because his eyes sparkled with what his father considered to be unshed tears. The boy just looked exhausted and it broke Owen’s heart.

“I know it’s overwhelming sometimes,” the surgeon added. “But it helps to talk,” he shared the truth he’d learned by experience. “Mom and I are here for you,” the chief of surgery gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before crouching down to the dishwasher again. “Always.”

Thomas heard the words of support and nodded his head with a shy smile, unable to find the right words to express his gratitude.

Owen kept silence for the following minutes, waiting for his son to process everything he was saying. He knew just how much pressure Thomas put on himself. It had always been like that, ever since he was a young boy. Even though he was particularly brilliant, Tom had always set high goals and didn’t stop until he got what he wanted. Owen admired his resilience, but just like his wife had wisely pointed out, Thomas wasn’t used to failing. And right now, looking at the way things were going in his life, it seemed like his son wasn’t in control of a lot of things. Owen could only imagine how much that was setting him off.

“I know you’ll think I’m on your back today,” Owen started out, knowing the following subject would most likely make his son even more uncomfortable, “but I think it’s past time we talk about what happened between you and Kate.”

Owen paused his speech, expectantly. This was a side of Thomas he could relate to, because to him, talking about his feelings and opening up had always been a challenge. He really admired people like his wife who, even though sometimes couldn’t quite understand what they were feeling, did a much better job at expressing their emotions than he did. And much to his own dismay, unlike his oldest brother, Thomas hadn’t taken after his mother in that regard.

“I wish I had a concrete story to tell you,” Thomas admitted after long seconds. Owen noticed that despite his son’s will to hold it together, the subject messed with him. The trauma surgeon wasn’t surprised. “But I try to look back and even I can’t make sense of it.”

Since at that point the dishes were already properly washed, Owen pulled another dishcloth from one of the drawers and handed it to Thomas, knowing by his own experience it would probably help him talk if he had his hands busy with something.

“Well, you know… Just like learning how to perform an appendectomy, talking about these things require practice…” Owen smiled, hoping to sound convincing. “So, how about we take it from the start?”

Megan said goodbye to Claire and Marianne in the cafeteria, hurrying to her afternoon class. Her music course was about to begin and despite engaged in a conversation with her friends, Megan didn’t want to be late. Even though Marianne was still pretty upset over the heartbreak she had experienced, she had been doing better for the past week. Megan was particularly determined to cheer her up. Even though they shared most of their classes, twice a week the teenage girl enjoyed her alone time in music class, something her two friends weren’t very fond of.

Ever since she was little, Megan had always been enthusiastic about music. She supposed it was something her father had passed onto her and her twin brothers. While they were still in school, Robbie and Danny had also been a part of the arts program and just like their sister, they’d done it mostly for their own entertainment. Megan knew she didn’t want to pursue a career in arts, but those two afternoons a week were like an outlet, a place where she could be away from the academics obligations and simply have fun enjoying one of her favorites hobbies in school.

Megan particularly liked to sing and while she knew she was no Celine Dion, the girl had also been given some pretty amusing compliments on her voice over the years. Looking forward to making the most of one her favorite classes in her senior year, the girl walked into the well-known room, spotting many familiar faces that greeted her with warm smiles.

And much to Megan’s dismay, a not so friendly companion stared right back at her as she entered the room.

Almost instantly, her smile vanished and she lost most of her previous excitement.

“What’s he doing here?” the girl grumpily asked a classmate, who shrugged her shoulders in response.

Before Megan could say anything else, their teacher walked in with her usual punctuality. Megan tried not to pay any more attention to JD Callaghan and focus instead on the warm welcomes by Mrs. Julian but for some reason, anger was already building up inside her at the mere sight of that annoying guy and just how bored he seemed.

As the teacher kindly welcomed everyone back and asked if they’d practiced over the summer, Megan couldn’t help but wonder what in the world JD was doing there. She would never think of him as someone who enjoyed music. In fact, it was hard to associate him with enjoying anything at all, mostly because he usually looked absolutely annoyed in most situations she’d seen him in.

Belatedly realizing she’d failed on her resolution not to divert his attention to the most obnoxious human being she’d ever met, Megan looked back at Mrs. Julian, being greeted by the smile of the short teacher with a powerful voice and large glasses that made her eyesight as sharp as her hearing.

“It’s good to see you have all returned for what I hope is a year of growth,” Mrs Julian warmly saluted her students. Most of them she was already familiar with, with the exception of a couple of freshmen and the boy with dark hair sitting alone in the back. “You must be JD Callaghan,” she supposed, after a quick look on her sheet. “Why don’t you come a little closer? I promise you we won’t bite,” the cheerful old lady proposed with a kind tone.

JD looked around and noticed all pairs of eyes were on him. There were about fifteen others students and everyone was engaged in conversation, except for him. He had no desire to be there, but after being forced by his coach with the risk of losing his position in the football team, the teenage boy had invariably wound up in that classroom.

Without any other choice but to approach the group, JD sunk in a chair beside the excited duo of freshmen who seemed to only giggle about anything that was said.

“Today’s class will be all about introductions, so I want you all to say your name out loud and then I am going to hand out these sheets with questions… You can think of them as a music survey that will help me guide you through the course,” Mrs. Julian informed them, already giving each student a sheet of paper.

As introductions were over, JD furrowed his brown heavily as he read the first line on the questionnaire.

Do you play any musical instruments or sing? If yes, which ones and for how long?

No.

Have you ever taken any music classes?

No.

Would you rather perform on an instrument or sing for the class, (solo or with a classmate)?

Neither.

What is your favorite musical genre?

I don’t have a favorite.

After ten minutes, the teacher collected the papers and suspiciously looked over at her students as she read some of the answers.

“JD,” she started, studying him meticulously. “Your answers were not very informative,” she opted for a lighter approach, thinking about the best way to engage the new student. “Judging by what you wrote here, I wouldn’t have a reason to think you’re interested in music,” Mrs. Julian added, hoping for some kind of response but the teenage boy simply sustained eye contact with her, without saying a word. “Did you discuss this decision with your football coach or…?”

JD picked up on the clue that she was offering him the opportunity to explain himself and purposefully replied as evasive as possible.

“He found a guitar in my car and assumed I was interested in music,” the boy shared, not really impressed by the deduction. “He told me I either enrolled in this class or was out of the team, so here I am.”

JD failed to add that the decision to bribe him into joining an arts program had come after the coach had decided he had anger issues and therefore needed something to channel his energy with. Football clearly wasn’t enough, because according to the man himself, JD was resorting to excessive force and therefore needed some other way to clear out that energy.

“Well, if you are interested in learning how to play the guitar, we can help you with that,” Mrs. Julian tried to sound encouraging, well aware that she wasn’t going to win the boy over in one day. Knowing that patience was the best approach, the teacher went on to once again engage the students in a group game, watching as most of them seemed to have fun with the activity.

After noticing they only had ten minutes before the bell rang, the teacher quickly scribbled some notes in her pad. To the students, the activities they’d performed that afternoon might have felt like a game, but to her it was rich material of observation. With many years of experience, it wasn’t hard for Mrs. Julian to figure out how to proceed.

“Okay, so I saw your answers and I think I have figured out what most of your interests are,” she cheerfully gave the class feedback. “I think for starters we would highly benefit if we could split the class in small groups and the most experienced students can help the new ones. Soon enough, everyone would be on a more leveled position and we can move forward as a group,” Mrs. Julian proposed wisely, looking at each student in the face. “Jack, you’re with Sean and Andrew,” she once again took note on her pad. “Sam and Barbara can train those high pitch notes together,” she winked at them, knowing the suggestion would please both girls. “JD, I think you’d benefit from getting some tips from Megan,” the teacher quickly turned around. “Brian, what do you think about having Tess and…?”

“Excuse, Mrs. Julian?”

Megan was shocked to hear that the same words she was about to say had already been spoken. Her surprise – and outrage – to be chosen as JD’s partner had promptly invoked her to raise her hand and protest it, but he had been quicker on the initiative to ask for the teacher’s attention.

“Yes, JD?” Mrs. Julian didn’t seem bothered with the interruption.

“Can I please switch partners?”

Megan later figured she shouldn’t be that much surprised, but at the moment, she was shocked. The girl had several reasons not to want JD as her partner, but he really couldn’t be serious.

Everyone else around them seemed to feel the same, unable to figure out why the guy would want to ditch Megan Hunt as his partner. Not only was she the best student in class, she was also friendly, kind and very generous. Many of the students there had benefited from Megan’s aid once or twice during the previous year. One would have to be a fool to…

“May I ask just why you feel like you need a new partner?” Mrs. Julian asked, finding the situation just as surprising. Megan Hunt was one of the best students and everyone in school seemed to like her. It was clear that JD Callaghan was having a hard time adjusting to the new school and judging by everything she knew about Megan, it was obvious there was no better person to help him fit in. Mrs. Julian had seen her do it to quite a few students before and it hadn’t been a coincidence that she’d paired them together.

“Sure,” JD replied unaffectedly, looking into the teacher’s eyes. “For starters, I really think I wouldn’t appreciate the company of someone who is rude, arrogant and absolutely disagreeable.”

“What?!”

Only when she heard the words Megan realized she had been the one to say them.

But despite her tone of outrage and obvious fury, JD simply glanced over his shoulder, looked at her and without a word looked back at the teacher.

“So, can I please be on someone else’s team?”

“Hmm…” Mrs. Julian had been caught off guard but following her peaceful nature, she tried to resolve the situation in the best way she could think of. “It really surprises me that you have that opinion of Megan, JD,” the teacher said, being supported by the other students in class. “I really think you are not being very fair to her.”

“Well, I am not interested in being his partner either,” Megan interfered. The flushed look on her face showed how enraged she was, contrasting with the easy, calm manners JD was showing. That infuriated Megan even more. “Why would I want to be near someone who has his head too high up his ass to actually be a decent human being?”

Mrs. Julian was left in shock. Never before had she seen one of her favorite students acting so emotional. But to her surprise, the nasty comment was enough to make the problematic student on her left actually laugh.

“See, she is a bully,” JD added, as if proving a point, even though a smile still lingered on his lips. “I don’t want her near me.”

“You are the worst kind of human being!” Megan abruptly stood up. How could he call her a bully? She was absolutely against any kind of discrimination and did her very best to make sure everyone could fit in, no matter how different they seemed at first glance! She was even…

“Enough!” Mrs. Julian cut the discussion off, using a harsher tone than she was used to.

Megan figured things had gotten a little out of control when she realized she was the only one in the classroom standing up. More than a dozen students had their eyes fixated on her, most of them holding her breath. Hoping she would just be left alone, the girl slowly took her seat back, taking deep breaths to regain control, absolutely embarrassed by her impolite display of wrath.

Much to her dismay, Mrs. Julian spent the last five minutes of class finishing dividing the class and handing out assignments. When inquired about it once again if Megan and JD could change their partners, the teacher simply said that the assignment was given and if they didn’t work together, it would reflect on their grades.

Megan felt personally offended and unjustly attacked, considering how much she looked up to the teacher and imagined that somehow, Mrs. Julian would have her back. Even though it’d become clear the teacher didn’t agree with JD’s nasty accusation, she hadn’t given Megan the way out she wanted, but rather insisted that she stayed partners with a person who obviously didn’t like her.

As she walked out of class, Megan thought about it and wondered if the anger and sadness she felt was really only about her teacher or the injustice of the situation. Today, she had been accused of things she knew in her heart she wasn’t, and yet she’d felt powerless in face of the situation. Megan knew she was well liked in school but it didn’t mean she was always right about everything. Sure, she had her own opinions and lived up to her ideals, but she respected what others think and felt too. It wasn’t often that she was antagonized but in the few times it had happened, Megan had dealt relatively well with it, because she genuinely respected that people could think and feel differently.

Yet now… it just had felt too personal. As if she had been rejected. The girl had never been so straightforwardly accused of anything like that and she had to admit, it bothered her.

She was just being silly, Megan told herself. Who cared what JD Callaghan thought of her? Even if he’d accused her of a bunch of lies, she shouldn’t mind it one bit. He was a jerk and he’d proven it many times over.

And yet, when Megan saw him walking down the empty school hallway alone, her feet acted faster than her mind could control.

“I really cannot believe you,” she stood up to him, wondering why lately that seemed to have become a habit. “What is wrong with you?”

JD stopped walking, quickly noticing how worked up the girl still seemed to be. For the first time since he could remember, she wasn’t surrounded by a large group of friends.

“You are very annoying,” he declared with a sigh of impatience. “I have football practice, can you please let me pass?”

“No!” Megan irrationally stood in the way, failing to realize he was at least ten inches taller and much wider and therefore could easily force his way through should he wish it. “You are staying right here and telling me what that little scene of yours was all about.”

“Oh, wow,” JD faked surprised. “Not only are you annoying, you’re also bossy as hell,” he added, discreetly leaning over her. “You are way too small to be this nasty. Move, you’re standing in the way.”

“Will you stop accusing me of things?” she chided, determined not to move an inch backwards even though he had approached her.

For the first time, Megan was looking straight into his eyes without any distractions and she couldn’t help noticing how strangely green they were. Not the kind of green that sometimes looked like blue, or the hazel kind with some brownish strands. But rather, a shade of green so bright and vibrant that made his eyes look like emeralds.

“You mean stop saying things about you without even knowing you like you did to me when you called me out in front of everyone last week?”

Megan opened her mouth to reply but the way he’d put the situation left her without arguments to defend herself. JD seemed to have sensed he somehow got through to her, because the guy smiled with the corner of his lips before adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder.

“Can you get out of the way now?” he asked, still noticing how pensive she looked. Had any of the guys done a third of what that bratty girl was doing, JD would have long before shoved them out of the way. He wondered why that hothead was able to amuse him at the same time she annoyed him. And he didn’t even like her.

“I am not a bully,” Megan childishly pointed out.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she furrowed her brows, thinking she was being set up.

“If you say so, I believe you,” he pulled the strap of his bag, shifting it to his other shoulder.

“Really?” Megan frowned heavily.

“No,” JD smiled widely and for the first time, Megan thought he was actually being friendly. He looked straight into her eyes and added, looking more amused than she’d ever seen him be. “But I am kind of hoping you prove me wrong.”

Megan’s initial reaction was to feel flattered but she quickly regained her senses.

“Well, I don’t have to prove anything to you,” the girl folded her arms in front of her body, regaining control of the situation.

“No, you don’t,” JD agreed with a head nod, and once again Megan noticed he meant it. “Still, it would be nice if you did.”

Megan didn’t know exactly what to answer to that, so she settled for finally stepping out of the way.

JD looked at her one last time before stepping ahead but Megan’s question made him turn on his heel again.

“Were you really forced to join music class?” the girl didn’t notice her face looked more intrigued and confused than she would like to let it show.

“Yes,” JD affirmed with conviction, making eye contact with her.

“Why?” she unceremoniously asked, unaware of the confusion on her face.

“According to the coach, I have been using excessive force,” JD shrugged, uninterested. “But it was for a good cause.”

“How can any kind of excessive force be for a good cause?” she widened her eyes, still unable to believe him.

“Because that boyfriend of yours is a softie and he is going to cost us the season if he doesn’t lose his fear to be tackled,” JD calmly explained, unaffected by Megan’s horrified expression. “Yeah, the coach doesn’t want to admit that your precious Aaron despite having a good arm, isn’t exactly reliable when it comes to facing a tough opponent. The coach is failing to see that. But our opponents aren’t. They are going for him and when they do, it’s going to hurt way more than when I tackled him in practice yesterday.”

“So, is that how you justify your horrible manners?” Megan ironically asked, making sure to show her disapproval. “You hurt him, but it was for a greater cause?”

“Exactly.”

She still couldn’t believe how absolutely obnoxious he was when JD resumed his way, apparently not bothered by the situation he’d just exposed.

Megan was then suddenly reminded of a comment her twin brothers had made on the day they’d joined her to watch the school’s football practice. At the time, she had been reluctant to believe it, but maybe it was true that Aaron didn’t like taking hits.

Well, who did, she asked herself. Football was a very physical game and players were constantly being tackled. As long as Aaron did his job well – and he did – there was no reason for anyone to be on his back like that. JD was probably just being the jerk he always was, because it felt like whatever he set out to do, he eventually ended up hurting someone.

The realization scared Megan more than she would care to admit and the girl strode the hallways, ready to go home. If there was one thing she knew she wasn’t at risk for, it was being hurt by JD Callaghan. That whole music partners scenario was too cliché to be true and it annoyed her too much. She simply had no patience for it and it was better for everyone if they simply found a way to go make Mrs. Julian change her mind. JD’s rough manners and uncaring personality didn’t bother her so much at the moment though, because her biggest concern was exactly what it would take to make sure they never had to speak to each other, ever again.

–

thank you guys!

#omelia #owen hunt #amelia shepherd #myboys #myboysfanfiction #greysanatomy #omeliafics #omeliafanfics #omeliafic #omelia fanfic #amenff

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mychildfreejourney · 4 years

Text

09/25/20

This morning I was scheduled for my bilateral salpingectomy at 10AM at a local day-surgery center.

My morning started out decently, I followed the last of my pre-surgery instructions and went to the bathroom one last time before heading out. It’s weird how last night I was *starving* but this morning as we drove to the center I was fine.

Upon arriving they gave me a mask, checked my temperature, and asked me the COVID-19 questionnaire. Satisfied with my answers I moved inside the waiting area and sat until they called me to get my wristband. I waited there for a few more minutes while they prepared my bed.

When they finally took me back they weighed me (fun fact, I lost 3 pounds from doing the day-before surgery bowel prep-- GROSS!) and then I got to put on my fancy hospital gown, mask, and socks (I’m sad I didn’t get to take home my socks).

The nurse that first came to talk to me was great-- she was a little blunt at first but then we started talking about stuff and she turned out to be really sweet. I told her I’m a bad stick because my veins collapse and she said she’d be able to get me first try (I was VERY skeptical). One thing that was cool was they have this hose that runs to a heater so you can be warm while you’re sitting in the bed. Before she gave me my IV stick she put my arm under the blanket with the heater. FIRST TRY! She got me on the first try and I can honestly say it was the best and easiest stick I’ve ever had in my life! She’s a pro for sure!

She then prepped my surgery area, gave me some oxygen, hooked me up to the blood pressure cuff, heart monitor, and pulse oximeter.

We talked about tattoos and what I did for a living then she asked me how many kids I have. I don’t really consider this a “bingo” since most people who have this procedure already have children. When I said I didn’t have any she just went “Oh ok cool! I have two daughters. One has three kids and the other doesn’t want any. I get it! She’s planet conscious, vegetarian, fosters dogs, and volunteers.” It was such a relief to talk to her.

The second nurse, however, asked me the same question and when I answered her with “none” she made a sad sound but refrained from asking why.

I met with the anesthesiologist and his nurse next, wonderful guy who also complimented my tattoos and asked me the same set of questions: *any allergies? any dental partials? any cuts, scrapes, bruises, or sores?* (I got asked this set of questions probably like--- 10 times). He walked me through the process, asked if I had any questions and me (being the mega fan of Forensic Files that I am asked if they were going to use Succinylcholine (they laughed). She said no, but was impressed I knew what that was and I had to explain how many forensic shows I’ve watched and they thought that was cool.

Once they talked to me I ended up waiting about 2 hours in my little room. This process was not fast-- but since I had my little heater and my socks I was comfortable for about the first hour. The second hour, however, I noticed I was starting to get really antsy. The nurse came and sat me up a bit higher and helped me get comfortable.

When the nurse finally came to administer my pre-op drugs she asked me the same set of questions, checked on my oxygen then left me for another thirty minutes.

FINALLY at that point my doctor/surgeon walked by and said “Alright, you’re next!” with a wink. That’s when the nurse came to get me and I got wheeled off into the surgery room.

Now, this part was interesting. As someone who has never had anesthesia before I wasn’t sure what to expect. I remember one of the nurses removing my oxygen tube and placing a mask over my face. He asked me to breathe deep and at that point the nurse put the anesthesia in my IV. I was out pretty quick after that because the next thing I remembered was waking up in the recovery room to one of the nurses asking me how I was feeling.

I think I did pretty good to be honest because it took me probably 20-30 minutes to come all the way to. They wanted me to pee before I left, which I found a little odd, but once I had they put me in the wheelchair and I was with my partner driving home.

The first thing I can say about the surgery is the pain afterward is like a bad period. It feels like bad period cramps. I’ve taken my smaller prescription for now (which is just 600 mg of ibuprofen) and am saving my oxycodone for bedtime since I don’t know what that will be like.

I’ve included a photo below the cut if you want to see.

This is post-op, day of, 09/25/20

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antoine-roquentin · 7 years

Link

This was Senior House, the oldest dormitory on campus, built in 1916 by the architect William Welles Bosworth. For 101 years it welcomed freshman and returning students. Since the ’60s it was a proudly anarchic community of creative misfits and self-described outcasts—the special kind of brilliant oddballs who couldn’t or didn’t want to fit in with the mainstream eggheads at MIT. Some did drugs and dropped out. Some did drugs and graduated. Others were proudly “straight edge,” eschewing drugs and regarding their bodies and minds as pristine temples. Many went on to create startups, join huge tech firms, and change the technological world as we know it.

Senior House was the gravitational center of alternative culture at MIT, characterized by extremes. For example, since 1963 its courtyard was the site for an annual Dionysian festival that began with a whole steer being hauled atop a pit and roasted on an open flame. The bacchanal ended three days later when there was no more mud left to wrestle in or drinks to gulp. By the time the third dawn came, friendships had been forged, tire swings had been swung, meat had been devoured, some drugs had probably been snorted or smoked, jobs had been offered, and lives had been changed.

On campus, the reputation of Senior House preceded it. “When I became housemaster, the dormitory was functioning as a storm drain for the other MIT living groups,” wrote professor Jay Keyser of his time living in the house in the 1980s. “All the difficult students were funneled there.”...

No one feels Senior House’s closure more acutely than Skirmante Survilaite, an MIT senior majoring in biotechnology. She came to Cambridge not for the famous professors but to live in Senior House. After a lifetime of not fitting in, of paying the bills and cooking the family meals because her single mother worked three jobs, of missing out on the normal parts of adolescence because she had to be responsible for her younger sister and “be the spouse of the family,” as she says, the people at Senior House made her feel like she was home.

A superb student who emigrated from Lithuania with her family when she was 5, Survilaite was offered full rides to Harvard, MIT, Case Western Reserve University, and the University of Chicago. With a special traveling scholarship, she visited Cambridge to check out MIT and Harvard. Unlike most universities, MIT asks incoming freshman to pick a dormitory in which they will live for all four years of study.

No wonder visiting dorms on campus is the single most important thing prospective students do. And the dorms lay it on thick, with parties and fliers and videos. Though Survilaite says she was a “goodie-two-shoes” in high school, she found herself drawn to the free-thinking dorms on MIT’s east side: East Campus and Senior House. At both dorms, murals adorned the walls. Students working on difficult theoretical math problems sat beside students strumming banjos. She loved the mix of people, the way they seemed driven by passion rather than pressure. At first the two dorms appeared to be pretty much indistinguishable to Survilaite, but East Campus had one problem: cockroaches.

She’s thankful for those bugs now. They helped her find a family on campus—family like her friend and classmate Cory Johnson, who found in the dorm a refuge he’d never known he needed. But after leaving his strict religious home in Texas and living in a different MIT dorm his freshman year where he was nervous to come out as gay, he transferred to Senior House and found a community that celebrated him for who he was. Unlike the fancier dorms on campus, at Senior House students said it was OK to be smart and driven and also unsure about exactly what you wanted out of life. More than OK; it was great. It was great to come from a working-class family. It was great to be gay or trans or a race other than white or to be into art and theater. It was great to be anything and everything you wanted to be.

In that first visit to Senior House, students told Survilaite how the privacy browser Tor had been invented by an undergrad named Roger Dingledine right here. Nirvana had played in this room on their first US tour in 1990. They showed her where Corbett had lived and where a student had once dumped hundreds of bags of sand in her room and made a beach for people to relax on when they were stressed. Survilaite could soon meet all of them, and more, when house alumni returned for Steer Roast to offer advice about life and career. In this way, the residents explained to her, Senior House was more than just a place she could live for four years; it would be a permanent home she could return to forever, a network of people who would always be connected by their shared values and love of this place.She wanted in.It wasn’t an upsell. When Steer Roast rolled around that spring, Survilaite found herself chatting with Dingledine, the creator of Tor. “Steer Roast is the way I stay connected to the MIT community,” he says. He goes to meet people like Survilaite. “I hang out at the fire pit at 6 am and tell them stories,” he says. He tells them how all good ideas start in a counterculture. He tells them how he and his Senior House friends stayed up night after night in the late ’90s trying to make a way for people to communicate anonymously to protect dissent.Survilaite was a convert. “It was the first time in my life that I felt like I could actually belong anywhere,” she says....

MIT’s dismantling of Senior House is part of a nationwide trend on college campuses, a shift that places a premium on safety, orderliness, and minimal bad publicity above all. Experts trace the roots of this shift to the 1980s. Since then, college tuition has skyrocketed and with it the competition for students who can afford it. Parents footing the bill are paying a lot more attention. The world has become more litigious and more corporate. All of this has led to an atmosphere in which university administrations have little margin for error when it comes to student safety or even bad publicity. And in this risk-averse atmosphere, places like Senior House, Eclectic, and Ricketts are increasingly viewed as unacceptable liabilities. “I first noticed this paternalistic ethos when I was doing some lectures at Vanderbilt University,” says sociologist Frank Furedi of the University of Kent and author of the book What’s Happened to the University? “There were all these campaigns being organized across America against drinking beer,” he says. “And I remembered that when I was in college the whole point was to get drunk.” The shift on campus parallels larger cultural changes. “The horizon of adulthood is getting extended,” says Princeton sociologist Dalton Conley, who contends that the knowledge economy means people need more and more schooling, which in turn extends the length of adolescence. This has led to a trend of administrations attempting to control every aspect of students’ lives. They employ risk officers to assess liability; they increasingly punish students for things that happen off campus or even over the summer. Take Harvard, for instance, which this year rescinded offers of admission to students based on comments they made on Facebook. At MIT, since students live on campus all four years, this overreach is especially robust. “Your social life, your meals, almost every aspect of your life operates within that campus,” Conley says. “It becomes more and more of a total institution. Like a prison.” This sets up a naturally combative relationship, especially in an environment as academically difficult as MIT. “It’s you, the student, against the institute,” Dingledine says. “It’s, How do we all get through this?”... These nerds did not go quietly. Beyond the letter-writing campaigns, the calls, and the sit-ins, students and alumni held out hope throughout the summer that the administration would reverse its decision. One reason they thought they had a chance was that some of the data purportedly showing that drugs were a problem in the house had been obtained by ethically questionable means—even according to Barnhart. ... What they didn’t know—and what they couldn’t have known from reading the consent form that accompanied it—was that MIT had embedded metadata that allowed the administration to pinpoint the location of those filling out the questionnaire, enabling them to segment the results by dorm. The only question about dorm type in the survey was vague—“What kind of dorm do you live in? Small, large, off campus?”—but by tracking the metadata, Barnhart and the administration were able to see exactly where respondents lived. It was this data that enabled Barnhart to see what she called a troubling hot spot of drug use. “If it wasn’t a direct violation, it was at least a violation of the spirit of informed consent,” Johnson says. Senior House defenders tried to use this issue to attack the administration’s closure of the dorm. “I am extremely angry that MIT used data obtained in a questionable manner to inform their policies with regards to any of their students, regardless of their residence,” wrote MIT parent Elizabeth Glaser in an op-ed in The Tech. Though her son was not part of Senior House, he took the survey and was upset about how it had been used. Glaser, herself an expert in research ethics, took it upon herself to contact the creators of the survey and review its methodology. It was she who discovered the metadata.... More troubling to critics is that, based on the way the data was presented to the student body, it doesn’t appear to take into account that the students in Senior House tended to be marginalized in one way or another—and that those students tend to have a lower graduation rate.

read the whole thing. disgusting.

#although fuck frank furedi

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