#had to go through all that and nothing changed on the other side?

[seresinhangmanjake]

The One I Want: Part 16

Jake Seresin x plus size!reader

Summary: You're new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Warnings: a little smut

Words: 1500

The One I Want Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag List

“I can’t tell you much,” Jake had told you, but you knew that. “We’re not a hundred percent in the clear, but it’s looking like four weeks, maybe five.”

“Beats fifteen,” you’d said, hearing a rewarding chuckle in return. 

You were thankful no one could witness the mess you were at that moment, your face-splitting grin heavily contrasting the puffiness of your eyes from tears. But that was just the beginning of weeks of inner turmoil. 

For forty-eight days, your stomach has swirled a storm that’s consistently had you on the edge of nausea, whether from anxiety regarding his safety or butterflies at the thought of Jake returning. You miss him, more than you thought yourself willing to, and regardless of what he told you, nothing guarantees he will walk through the door of your apartment. And if he doesn’t, you know exactly what will happen to you. You’ll crumble into unsalvageable pieces, and no one—not Millie, not Rooster, not anyone who has been kind to you over the last months—will be able to put you back together. 

And then what? Your only choice will be to leave. Start anew. Twelfth new place. Except this time, you’ll be more numb, less human, less operable on a daily basis. It’ll be like waking from a dream to a gray environment. You fear nature will lose its color, and you will lose your light once again.

—

It’s another week before your phone rings with a name other than Millie’s plastered across the screen. Unknown Number, but the first three digits are recognizable, matching those of the number Jake has been using to call you with. What you hear on the other end of the line, however, is not Jake, but instead, a gruff voice asking you to confirm your identity. 

“Yes,” you answer. “That’s me.”

The man clears his throat. “You are the emergency contact for Lieutenant Jake Seresin. We’d like you to come down to our medical facility as soon as possible,” he says before providing you directions.

You drop your phone, and then you’re running. Running to his truck, running from his truck to base, running through halls until you find someone willing to lead you to him. You’re so terrified, your arms jittery, legs barely functioning from the panic of Jake’s pending fate, so overwhelmed by nerves that when you finally do see him, it pisses you off. 

That man with the voice that imbued you with dread is on your shit list for life. Maybe next time, he could lead an emergency contact call with He’s fine or Don’t worry, because his implication was severe enough that you feared lost limbs or damaged brain functioning. But there Jake is, not in a coma or with some life-threatening injury, but sitting on the edge of a bed in a room with his back to you as a nurse seals a strip of medical tape across a small patch of shaved hair on the side of his head.  

When she’s done with her work, she smiles at Jake and nods at something he says before walking out of the room. She jumps at the unexpected figure lingering just outside the door, and then realization dawns. 

“Oh, you must be the girlfriend,” she says. “You’re welcome to go on in.”

So you do, cautiously easing into the room, hoping that when he turns, his face won’t be covered in slashes and bruises—a sight you’re not sure you can handle with strength and maturity. You’d love him all the same, but to see him in such pain would take you to your knees. But again, he’s fine. Beautiful as ever. Not a mark on him that you can see save for the one on the mend. 

Jake’s face brightens at the sight of you; he practically glows, and you’re shocked to discover yourself not running into his arms. You’re frozen for a moment as you take him in. It’s a quick moment—a brief second to recover—but then you’re stepping to him, your eyes watering, your bottom lip quivering, your fingers reaching up to brush over the stark white tape. You’re careful with your feathery touch, relieved to see that his injury is not so sensitive as to make him wince.

Jake’s arms wrap around your waist. His eyes do not break from your face. He’s patient as you scan him once more for visible injuries, verifying for your own sake.

“It’s just the one,” he tells you, his voice soft and only a few notes above a whisper. Your eyes snap to his. He lifts his hand to cup your cheek, thumb stroking your cheekbone. “Come here, beautiful.”

You melt when his lips gently touch yours, but the kiss doesn’t last long as innocent. There’s bites and sucking and giving and taking, and it’s perfect in its semi-sloppy neediness. Voices passing by the door is what breaks the two of you apart. Jake lightly groans before he chuckles and rests his forehead against yours. 

“I missed you,” he says. He places another quick peck on your lips. “I want to take you home.”

“Then take me home.”

—

“J-Jake!”

You feel his mouth curve against your core before he licks another stripe right through you, tongue like a heated blade slicing you in two halves, spreading you open and baring you inside and out. You’re completely gone—lost in the sole way you’re willing to be lost—as Jake tethers you to this earth. He’s the only one you trust to ground you while simultaneously letting your head float amongst the clouds. 

His arms curl around the thickness of your thighs, locking onto you and keeping your hips steady atop the mattress as he devours and tastes and sucks and licks some more.  

“Come on, beautiful,” he mumbles into your folds, just loud enough for you to hear through the rush of blood in your ears. “Let me have it.”

As if you could hold it back. 

Your whole body jerks and writhes as you sink into pleasure, back arching, head digging into the pillow. Jake reaches a hand up to intertwine your fingers and you squeeze them tightly while he continues to kiss folds and brush his nose against the overstimulated bud.

“There we go,” he coos until your body calms.

Jake crawls onto the bed, lips and tongue traveling up the soft flesh of your stomach, between the valley of your breasts, into the dip in your throat before he kisses you, demanding you taste everything you just gave him. 

Jake introduced you to your taste during those weeks before his deployment. His head lived between your legs. He showed you how to perch perfectly on his face, encouraging you through your concerns of suffocating him. He begged you to relax when he backed you up against the wall, slipped your pants off, knelt, and tossed your leg over his shoulder as he dove in. And after each success of making you crumble to pieces, he sealed his lips to yours and pushed his tongue into your mouth. 

You know your taste as well as you know his, and on the occasions he spills down your throat before he returns the favor, you get the satisfaction of the combination on your tongue—a mixture more intoxicating than an alcoholic binge. 

“I’m never going to want anything like I want you,” he says after he slips inside of you, the intensity of the love in his eyes penetrating your soul.

“Then it's good that I’m yours,” you whisper back.

Thrusts that were paced and steady and gentle falter. With your words comes a sharp rut of his hips—unexpected to you both—that hits hard, deep. Jake chokes on the air in his lungs, his eyes snapping shut as you cry out. 

“Fuck” hisses through the grit of his teeth. Then he finds his pace again. 

His head falls to your neck. Nibbles make you gasp, and the image of examining claiming bruises in the mirror first thing come morning causes your walls to clench around the veiny column moving in and out of you. Your fingers fist into his hair. Nails dig into the toned muscle of his ass. 

“I do love you, Jake,” you say. 

He stops completely, but you don’t question it. The fingers in his hair loosen and you lightly scrape your nails along his scalp, down to the base of his neck, then back up into blond locks. Turning your head, you stamp a tender kiss onto his temple. 

Jake doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t look at you. His thick breaths burn the delicate skin just under your ear. When he begins to move, he’s slow, taking his time before he picks up, working to nudge that special spot inside of you that tightens a white-hot coil in your belly. 

“I love you so much, beautiful,” he whispers.

[ilovescarymen]

talk to me: Spencer Reid

You’d never been one for vulnerability. It probably had something to do with how you grew up, an emotionally unavailable mother and a mentally absent father- you were always berated when you cried or showed you were upset so as you got older , you stopped.

You had a boyfriend who made you think you could be soft and vulnerable infront of him but, he ended up using it against you in an argument, after that you swore to never be vulnerable again.

You became a blank canvas that was impossible to read, a smile always plastered on your face, a fake bubbly personality to cover the pain beneath the surface. You’d only cry in the comfort of a bathroom or your home and then smile around others. It always worked. No one ever questioned it, untill now.

Your boyfriend, Spencer Reid is a profiler for the fbi’s behavioral analysis unit. He study’s human behavior for a living, which means he sees right through your little facade.

He never addressed it because he thought that maybe vulnerability would come with time. Maybe you’d stop crying in the bathroom or the shower and instead cry in his arms.

But when he arrives home from a case and you’re not at the door , bouncing around and ecstatic to see him he knows something’s up, he peeks around the corner to your bedroom and sees his sweet girl, crying and hiccuping.

You notice him and quickly wipe your tears , perking up, your stand up off the bed and run to your boyfriend’s arms.

“Hi Spence! Sorry I’m running a bit late on dinner! I’ll go get it started!” You quickly spew out, as you make an attempt to walk away your pulled back by your boyfriend, he gently places his hands on the side of your face and scans your face, before making eye contact with you.

“Honey, slow down, what’s wrong?” He asks genuine concern in his voice

“Nothing! Why would something be wrong Spence?” You put a smile on your face and look up at your boyfriend, his eyebrows are furrowed together and a frown is all over his face.

“Sweetheart, you do know that I study human behavior every day right? I know you’re lying to me, please just talk to me baby. I love you and I care and I want you to feel better”

You shake your head “nothings wrong I’m okay” you release yourself from his grasp and slip past him to the kitchen, you open the fridge and scan it “I have pasta sauce! I can make you-“ you let out a squeak as Spencer picks you up and carries you over to the couch, he sits you in his lap facing him and holds you in place.

“I have let you do this long enough. I let you isolate yourself and pretend you’re okay when you’re not but no more. I want you to come to me, I want to cheer you up honey, I will never judge you, you know that right? I’ll never make you feel stupid for feeling your feelings. I love you I want you to talk to me”

Your lip starts to tremble and tears start falling down your face “she’s- she’s so mean Spence” you hiccup, he pulls you to his chest and hugs you, his arms wrapping around your waist

“Who is? Honey who’s mean?”

“My mother” you sob out, Spencer doesn’t know the horrors of your childhood. All he knows is you grew up in Texas and you left because you wanted a change in scenery, what he doesn’t know is that you actually left for your own safety. Your mother had lost it and you left to avoid another one of her beatings.

“Oh honey” he coos, he kisses the side of your head and rubs your back gently, whispering little “it’s okay”’s and “let it all out”’s in your ear. When your crying calmed down you sat up, looking Spencer in his eyes.

“M’ sorry, I know you got home from a case and this is probably the last thing you wanted to deal with” you breath out as you wipe your eyes

“Hey hey, Nuh uh. Don’t ever apologize for feeling your feelings, I’m more than happy to do this. To be here for you always. I love you, sweetheart “

“I love you too Spence “

“Now, tell me why we hate your mother”

And you did, you told him everything, and when tears fell Spence gently caressed your back and listened intently, showing you that it was okay.

This is what love is.

[starlightazriel]

bee 11

desc: modern bestfriends > lovers (femreader) (tattoo artist az)

warnings: 18+, drug/alcohol addiction/recovery, reader overthinking/insecure/depressed, jealousy, archeron sisters have entered the chat, angst, fluff, co-dependence(and all the trauma that comes with it),

wc: 4.2k

a/n: wow i'm so sorry this took so long as some of you know i been going through some things anyyyway we've come so far since the beginning myyy goodness, as much as I love sober az I already miss the az who was doing a line before a tattoo, but alas after all the drama last time I hope this makes up for it <3 kisses xoxox

other parts on my az masterlist

eleven

Sixty days.

Sixty days of loneliness.

Sixty days of an empty house.

Sixty days of overthinking.

Sixty days of gut wrenching anxiety.

Sixty days of no contact.

Sixty days of not hearing his voice.

It had been my idea, the whole no contact, and now, it felt like it had been the worst fucking idea in the world. Facing him now seemed impossible. Would he look different? Would he be different?

Fucking idiot. Do you know how much can change in sixty days? Sober Ariel won't even want you.

It had been maybe a week in when the seed of doubt had blossomed in my gut. The regret for the dumb idea that space was the best thing for our relationships, time to figure ourselves out so we could add to each others lives— instead of depending on each other. Him, needing me, me needing to be needed.

It was such a fine line between give and take and I had offered every last piece of myself to him without a hesitation. With him gone, with him healing, getting better... What would he need me for? What was I supposed to do with myself? School was hardly distracting, and finals coming up should have helped but only made it worse.

Rhys and Cass had visited him, a few times, they had also gone on another Vegas trip, without him obviously, apartment hunting. That did nothing to soothe my gut either, that was real. It was happening in mere months they were moving to Vegas. Neither did the way they all stopped talking about him when I was around, did he tell them something? Did he tell them he was going to break it off with me for good when he got home? Or did my friends really think I was that fragile? That I couldn't even handle hearing about him?

'I would let Rhys sue me for breaking contract before I would leave this city without you.' his previous words echoed in my mind, I had been so sure he meant it when he'd said that to me, so sure that I would never be alone again.

And of course I wanted him to get clean, but somehow, everything felt different now. I wasn't so sure of anything anymore. Would he still feel the same way?

I hadn't even looked into transferring schools. He had told me to, before he left... But doing that made everything more real, and what if he changed his mind when he saw me again?

He wouldn't be in a drug clouded haze anymore. He wouldn't need me anymore, not the way that I needed him.

And I wouldn't even get any alone time with him, not immediately. Rhys was throwing a little get together for him, he was so proud, they were all so proud of him.

I hated that I wasnt as proud as everyone else when I should be the most proud, I hated that I was afraid of the new Azriel. There would be nothing for me to fix anymore.

With every waking moment that passed my anxiety and insecurity grew. Getting ready for his 'sober party' seemed surreal to me, it only created more doubts in my mind. I mean, had Azriel, my Az, really agreed to that? Even as a sober version of himself— it seemed doubtful.

-

Sixty days.

Sixty days of detoxing his mind, body, and soul.

Sixty days of boring meals.

Sixty days of therapy multiple times a week.

Sixty days of sharing his darkest side with complete strangers.

Sixty days of uncomfortable beds and scratchy sheets.

Sixty days of living in sweat pants because it was all he had packed.

Sixty days of heart stopping guilt and revelations about himself and his behavior.

Sixty days of torturous inescapable demons that seemed to be at war in his mind.

Sixty days of not hearing her voice.

The moment she had told him she didn't want to talk to him while he was in rehab, he had wanted to stay. Give up the idea entirely and quit on his own accord. He didn't though, he went. And it wasn't only for her. No, it was for him too. And he thought maybe it was valid, maybe they did need space, time away to clear their minds and have a true fresh start. He could do things right this time.

And now, with his head clear, he was happy he had gone. He felt stronger, in his mind and body. It had been a lot, a lot of facing things that had happened in his childhood that he had never dared to face before. Things he didnt have to face when drugs and alcohol had been his safety net for so many years. He realized he didnt need substances to deal with those things, his traumas didnt make him weak or vulnerable, they made him stronger.

He did recognize his problem, and he couldn't say for sure that he would never touch the bottle or snort a line ever again because that was just unrealistic. He was only human and he would do his absolute best to be a good man, for himself.

For Bee too. If she still wanted anything to do with him, the silence between them was the loudest one he'd ever felt, even miles away.

Bee.

His lover. His everything.

There was nothing that could get in the way anymore, he hadn't realized until now how much his addictions had been separating him from her. And of course he had gotten off it before but never without alcohol to help him along. He had never been so fucking deep into his addictions, had never gone that crazy. What he had done was completely unacceptable and now he could only hope for the best when he saw her. A party thrown by Rhys and his girlfriend hadn't been his ideal meeting place... But it had been completely sprung on him. Him being in rehab wasnt a secret, but that didn't mean he wanted to advertise it. Rhys had promised it was a very small get together, just something to show their support. 'No pictures.' Azriel had been sure to clear that up with him. The party was supposed to be a surprise, luckily for Az, Rhys knew him better than that.

-

Rhys and his new girlfriend had out done themselves along with the help of Mor who had told me this morning when she arrived in town that she wouldn't have missed this for the world. 'I mean, Azriel sober? I have to see it for myself and support,' she had said over coffees earlier, I had gotten quiet, I knew I could have talked to her about how I was feeling. But it felt wrong, it was embarrassing to say the least. I didnt think she would understand, either.

Rhys' place was decked out, balloons everywhere, charcuterie and little desserts lined both of the large tables, there was a mocktail station and a coffee station where she had also decorated Rhys' coffee pot, another table had a 'fill your own cone' bud bar that included a big jar full of Azriels favorite cigarettes as well. Her theme was 'Sober & Slaying' and there were banners and balloons to match. My heart had swelled the moment I had entered the apartment and part of me felt a little guilty for not getting here earlier. I hadn't been doing much of anything though, I wasn't eating right, I wasn't sleeping right, my thoughts and fears and insecurities had been practically eating me alive. They hadn't even asked me to help with set up, simply to show up on time, I at least had arrived twenty minutes early.

"Oh good! You're here, will you help me with this last mocktail?" Feyre beams after she had pulled me into a quick hug. She was very sweet although a bit reserved at first she had warmed up to me quickly. She was setting up some last minute decorations, I was early, of course, my anxious gut hadn't allowed me to sit at home a moment longer.

Part of me was hoping this new relationship would entice Rhys to stay a little bit longer, but they were already talking about going long distance until Feyre was ready to take the leap and move to Vegas. Seemed awfully soon to even be talking about it to me, but I wasn't one to judge, they did seem madly in love nearly instantly, and Rhys was, different. Nicer even.

"Yeah of course," I flashed her a grin and tasted the mocktail she was working on before I added some more of the homemade blueberry simple syrup she had made. "So good," I hummed in approval once I had tasted it again.

"So like, will this be the first time you and Az speak?" Mor tries to make it sound as casual as possible, my eyes focus intently as I transferred the mocktail to the aesthetically pleasing drink dispensers Feyre had put out.

"Um yeah, I haven't seen him or spoke to him since the night before he left," I shrugged, my eyes not lifting once. It had been quite the emotional night, it felt like a lifetime ago.

"I visited him once, he looks really good," she responded and I couldn't stop the jealous pang that hit my gut. Space. We had decided space was the right thing for us, a reset to our relationship after everything we had been through. My dumb idea, but he had agreed. I only smiled in response, and was glad when Cassian arrived with a cake in hand, his loud greeting drew all the attention away from me. Bless him. I found a corner to sit in, a quiet corner with my phone and one of the mocktails Feyre had made. A few more arrived, Feyres sisters, which I had only met a handful of times. Why were they here? Az didn't know them, did he? The only way that was possible would be if Rhys had brought them for one of his visits— the mocktail felt sour in my stomach and I felt more than relieved when Kat finally arrived and joined me in my corner.

"Hi love, how you holding up?" Kat had been very supportive through this entire rehab thing, and was making my loneliness nearly bearable.

"I'm fine, really, just coping with all of— all of the emotions of all the sudden change I guess," I shrug easily, Kat was the only one I had really felt comfortable to tell my true feelings to. She was the only one I knew that wouldn't judge. She nodded in understanding, making herself comfortable in her seat.

"That's valid, it's a lot to take in girl," She begins and I'm relieved when she can't continue because Cassian is all but shouting a second later.

"He's coming up he texted me a few minutes ago," Cassians voice drowns out the chatter around the room and I feel my insides go to liquid, my throat feeling tight and constricted.

My heart stopped when I finally laid my eyes on him. Impossibly sexier. His face was more full, color in his cheeks, a sparkle in his eye I hadn't seen since we were kids, he stood straighter, making him look impossibly taller, shoulders spread, oozing with a confidence I hadn't seen in a long time. My gut twisted, my heart picking up, a steady hammer against my chest. I held my breath when our eyes met, his face fell as he scanned me from across the room and I wanted nothing more than to drop into the hole in the floor. It wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for. I knew I looked awful— but shit, we hadn't seen each other in two months.

"Azriel, it's nice to see you again," Elain is the first person in front of him she's loud enough to hear across the room, her sing song voice carrying, and I try to ignore it but my eyes are glued to his, and he has to tear his away from mine.

"So what, Rhys took Feyre and her random sisters to see Az in rehab?" I drop my voice, forcing myself to look away, to tune out their conversation to the best of my abilities. Kat bit her lip, a notable guilty blush creeping across her cheeks.

"I um.. I was there too," she admits, twirling her hair around her finger, I squint slightly. She could have at least told me that. "It was a last minute thing," she explained quickly, my expression probably throwing her off. I was jealous, I couldn't deny that— I had no one to blame but myself. If I'd never been so set on having space away from eachother... My blood heated, she was gorgeous, just the type that Azriel would go for to. "They just happened to be there and we made a group trip of it— and yeah, I didn't think you'd want to know, considering..." she trailed off and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, I don't mind at all," I would have rather jumped off of the balcony than have this conversation, I shouldn't have asked. The FOMO was certainly real and I wondered if that's why they were constantly all whispers when talking about Azriel, to spare me of that feeling.

"Youre not imagining her googly eyes though," she scoffs as she glances back over at them and then to me mocking a gag, I smirked a little bit glancing back at them once more and then to Kat again. She was for sure laying it on thick with the sweet tone and all of the unnecessary blinks. I didnt remember that about the first few times I met her.

"I mean I can't even blame her— he looks..." I trailed off searching for the right word, he looked amazing, delicious, sexier than he'd ever had before. He was practically glowing with whatever newfound confidence he'd gained from facing his many demons.

"I know that's your man but he looks hot," she finishes for me and we giggle together, I ignored the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe he wasnt my man anymore.

"That he does," I sigh, twirling my straw around in my cup, suddenly I regretted not sneaking a few nips into my purse. I wouldn't get drunk at a sober party, I wouldn't, but something to take the edge off would be nice, and a joint didn't seem like the right option.

I effectively avoided Azriel for at least an hour, I hadn't been keeping track of time but it felt like it had been at least that long. I wasnt ready for a conversation, not when one look at him made my heart stop.

My stomach was growling, and I needed a snack. I was carefully piling charcuterie onto my plate when I jumped and nearly dropped the whole thing.

"Youre avoiding me, and youre doing a good job for how small the space is," his voice is the same one I remember, low and gravelly and sexy.

"Im not," I insist, just hoping he hadn't noticed the way I visibly jumped at the sound of his voice.

"I think I know when my girlfriend is avoiding me," he left a heavy emphasis on the word, looking at me expectantly as if he was daring me to challenge his claim on our relationship status. Relief washed over me, a tension that I hadn't been able to ease since the last time I saw him.

"Its just— Its been a lot I don't know, and having this conversation here... Seems like a lot too," I took a step back from the table but turned around to face him, I could feel more than one pair of eyes watching us, it only made me more uncomfortable.

"Are you eating?" its a direct question, soft but firm, his eyes scanning over every inch of me. My stomach flips, my cheeks reddening.

"Yes," I lift the small plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit as if that proved anything.

"Hm," he doesn't seem satisfied with my answer, his eyes not leaving me for a second.

"You look good Az, you look different," I chewed the inside of my lip, hoping my anxiousness didnt bleed into my words.

"Im still me baby im just better," that same confident smirk spreads across his lips, I knew it well but somehow- there was a different spark behind it. Something all those drugs had dimmed. A light I hadn't seen in a while. "For example, Im not gonna nod off on the couch anymore because Ive had a handle to myself for two days straight and Im hours off a two week coke bender," he said it so casually and leave it to Azriel to make a joke out of it. "From now on," his voice drops as if he knew they were all listening, I felt Elain's curious eyes on us and I knew she was trying to catch every word. Sorry, hes mine. "I won't fall asleep without making sure you are fed, fucked, and tucked into bed."

I blush, looking away from his stare, something in my gut eases but the anxiety is still settled there.

"And Im sorry, for each and every time I failed you. Im clear headed now and—" he cuts himself off, and maybe it was the look on my face that stopped him. "Would you feel better if we went outside?" he nods to the balcony, I quickly nod, desperate to be alone with him and not on display like some soap that they were all watching.

"Please, its. little stuffy in here," my words are a little rushed, and they were true, I felt like I could barely breathe anymore. And I was making a complete idiot out of myself when Azriel hadn't seen me in two months. I feel his hand on my back and he guides me out onto Rhys balcony, I don't look back again, I lean up against the balcony, resting my elbow on the railing and sucking in a deep breath of fresh air before popping one of the pieces of cheese into my mouth.

Azriel joins me after he had shut the door behind us, leaning up against the balcony next to me and he lit up a joint he had gotten off of the bud bar.

"Did you tell your psychiatrist you were going to smoke?" I ask casually, trying to change the subject into something else. Anything else but our relationship, I shouldn't be worried, he had already said I was still his girlfriend.

"Yes," he shrugged, taking another drag from it, I could feel his eyes on me as I set my plate down on the nearby table. I had barely touched it.

"And what did they say?" I ask, quirking a brow as I take it from him, it was annoying that I was more at ease now, normal territory, I didnt like the way sober Az could see right through me, I had thought he was able to before, and now?

He shrugged again, watching me. "Why are you trying to avoid talking about us?" he reaches out, tucking my hair behind my ear so I can't hide from him, my breath catches. He took the joint back, taking one more long drag before putting it out. I shook my head, I couldn't find the right words. He grabs my wrist gently and turns me around so my back is against the railing, his body so close, the scent of his cologne slamming into my senses. "Why?" he repeats, his eyes meeting mine in the dim light, his voice is soft and careful.

"I— I don't know Az," I breathe out, my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest. "It's just I—" I look away, unable to meet his gaze when I feel the word vomit coming. "Im afraid, Azriel. I am. And I know it's fucked up because I shouldn't be. I feel sick, sick with myself that I have been more worried about whether or not you would still want me when you got back than I have about you and your actual recovery. Ive been worried about you being different and not needing me and I know Im so fucked up for that there's something wrong with me and Im sorry—"

"Hey, hey, stop, breathe for a second," he interrupts me, a small sigh leaving his lips as he places both of his hands on my cheeks, lifting my face to look at him and he gently wipes away my shameful tears with his rough thumbs, the feeling makes my spine tingle. "Don't feel bad for anything that you feel or have felt in these past weeks," he assures me, one of his thumbs still gently rubbing against my cheek, his eyes burning into mine. "I— I created that for you, that whole thinking you need to be needed by me. I created this... Trauma bond, I know that now, I know that I made our relationship toxic. It's not your fault, I hadn't dealt with any of my shit and I basically put it on to you. Im sorry, Im sorry you felt like that at all and I wish..." he sighed softly, one of his hands fell to my waist. "I wish I had the courage to call you, because I wanted to so many times, but I didnt think you'd want to talk to me. You needed space and I had to respect that but seeing you now, seeing you haven't been taking care of yourself like you should have. I should have been there for you," he sighed, clearly frustrated with himself. "I know where I fucked up, I know what kind of damage Ive done, this only proves it," he brushed his finger over the dark circle underneath my eye. "I love you, I love you so much, maybe too much sometimes," he sighs again, I fight the urge to close my eyes and lean into his touch.

"Az I love you too," I breathe out because Im stunned into silence. Everything hes said, his accountability, his words, they felt like they were crashing into me.

"Im not going to leave you like that ever again," he promised, and took a step closer, pressing his body into mine. He felt stronger, more solid. It was almost like he had left a boy and returned a man. "You are going to be my wife some day, you are the fucking definition of ride or die Bee, I swear, for the last two months the more clear my head got I just realized one thing over and fucking over," he wasnt afraid, he had absolutely no hesitations, every single word felt like a promise, and I felt like my heart was palpitating. "I hit the fucking jack pot with you, and I fear the smartest thing that Ive ever done in my life was share my favorite candy with the girl across the street."

My cheeks are burning, tears streaming, but they aren't sad, just emotional. I don't know what else to do, my words are caught in my throat so I kissed him. I pulled him down, my fingers tugging in the hairs at the nap of his neck, our tongues tangling perfectly like they always had. He was mine, still my Az, better, better like he had said. He was right. A soft groan escaped his lips, my stomach flipped at the sound, the thought of how he would have his way with me later after so many days apart. My body melted into his at the thought, our hungry kiss only escalating. Our desperate need for each other matching perfectly, our emotions pouring into the heated kiss. I tilted my head his lips traveling down my jaw and across my neck, settling behind my ear and gently sucking. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, I moaned his name softly, my body feeling like a hot puddle.

"Hmm?" he hummed against my skin, his hand had slipped under my dress where he was rubbing soft circles on the least sensitive part of my thigh, somehow it was still driving me mad.

"We, we should go in now... They are going to be wondering whats taking us so long," I breathed out, I couldn't even see past Azriel into the house, I was sure they could see us though, or at least see Azriel pinning me against the railing.

"They should have known better than to throw me a party when I haven't seen my baby in sixty whole days, and they definitely should have known better than to let you wear this dress," he tugs lightly at the fabric. "They should have known Id need alone time with you," his eyes glimmered with mischief. "I have a lot of making up to do," he added, tracing his scarred finger over my jawline.

"I hated this idea more than you Im sure," I admitted guiltily, biting down on my lip. "But they worked really hard Az," I tried to peek around him to see inside again, he only shifted to block my view.

"Fine, but five more minutes," he smirked, tilting my chin up again.

"Five more minutes," I whispered breathlessly before he crashed his lips onto mine again, and I felt all of my anxiety melt away, as if he was pulling it from me.

And I felt safe.

Home.

Safe.

-

taglist <3:

@smalljasper289 @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @scorpioriesling @userxs-blog @lilah-asteria @abadfantasybook @judeduartewannbe @lindsayscottagebythesea @velarisdusk @serxndipity-ipity-blog @julesvanslutta @honk4emoboyz @bookishbishhh @dakotali @blessthepizzaman @scooobies @durgenyx @lorosette @kayjaywrites

[a-d-nox]

nox tests hypotheses: "saturn tells you what annoys you"

this is one of shawtyherbs hypotheses. this is how i feel this manifests for me in my chart and why i believe this hypothesis works. my saturn is located in my 3h, in taurus at 29°... let's take deep dive!

taurus saturn

a lack of discipline: i feel like i have a strong work ethic - i value hard work. i despised when i did group work in school and i was paired up with procrastinators or people who were unwilling to put in the necessary effort to achieve a good grade. it felt like every time i had my part done i would start getting anxious that the other person/people didn't. it felt like a manipulation - like we were playing chicken. if they didn't do it, would i do it for them? how long did they have to wait until i stepped in?

instability and unpredictability: sudden changes, chaotic environments, and erratic behavior can make me uncomfortable, anxious, and annoyed. i guess it's sort of like a trauma response from childhood except now i get irritable... everyone know my dislike for surprises.

wastefulness: i get easily irritated by wastefulness, whether it's wasting time, money, or resources. again maybe its from my childhood and having those experiences. but i am the type of person who arrives on time. if i buy something and don't like it i use it until it's gone, i eat it til its gone (even if its stale), or i use it til its paid itself off (if i buy a shirt and can't return it and it was $30, i am wearing it 30 times). it sounds strange - i know - but it is how i am...

superficiality: i really value authenticity. i feel like i am easily annoyed by superficial behavior, materialism without substance, and people who put on mask to fit in... like so what if you don't laugh at someone's shit joke, so what if i am happy with my hydroflask and want nothing to do with a stanley (it's all the same to me), and who cares if your true self is not everyone's favorite (you'll find your people a whole lot faster if you're your self).

resisting practicality: you know how much advice i have given throughout the years THAT WAS ASKED FOR and people did what they wanted anyway??? why even waste my time if you don't want outside perspective. or something its just kind advice to help with ease like hi you are using a stain on the deck, i recommend you wipe as you go so it dries quicker and you don't accidentally smear/smudge later. but nooooo.....

saturn at 29°

arrogance: you know it's okay to be wrong... it's not okay to pontificate about how you were right in some alternate scenario. just admit you were wrong in this situation and move on or better yet say nothing...

irresponsibility: when you say you are going to do something do it. if you are a leader then lead and know that you are responsible for anything you designate to someone you view as your subordinate (especially when you don't train them on what you want them to do for you). if you can't commit to having a task or being in charge than don't do it. someone is relying on you - it's 10 times worse when its yourself and you push goals to the side.

unfounded claims/criticisms: perhaps i am overly sensitive to criticism because i tend to take my work and my self a bit too seriously. but if you can't take yourself and what you do seriously, then who will? i take everything personally too. so when i get criticism and its said in a nasty way (at least how i interpret it) or there is a lack of explanation or no backing i will get annoyed. you bet my humor will be ill-tempered... you can't expect me to react well to a comment like "you're wrong". like wow okay so detailed, i'm glad you decided to write one word and a contraction to dismiss my 2k essay. like if you are going to criticize me or disprove me make it detailed and make it sound. and if i do something wrong its probably because no one told me how to do it in the first place (cough cough work) so don't snap at me, walk me through it.

lack of respect: now listen - i'm no angel, i was a teenager once - eyerolls and all. but now that i am a bit older (she said at 23) i am getting to the point where respect isn't freely given (unless its to build a good first impression) but instead its earned in a pre-existing relationship. i don't tolerate disrespect, no one is going to snap at me and tell me what to do. you do that and you will get the opposite reaction that you expect from me (speaking from real life situations). asserting dominance doesn't make you worthy of respect, it makes you a bully.

3h

superficial conversations: i said it why back when in one of my get to know me posts. i prefer deep, meaningful conversations and i find small talk / superficial chatter frustrating or pointless. like skip to the meat bruv - we don't have all this time for "hi how are you?" "good how are you?"

disorganization: a lack of structure, whether in communication, in a learning environments, or my daily routines, irritates me. i feel like it effects me most in the routine bit. weekends are my prime culprit because my schedule falls apart. during the week my meals and tasks are standardized, but on the weekend, i somehow manage to always get annoyed because i eat lunch late or what i had in my mind to do gets tossed aside...

gossip/rumors: i feel uncomfortable with gossip, i prefer facts and reliable knowledge. which i know facts seems shaky when i am posting the content i do... but generally facts over fiction in conversations. gossip and the like almost always gets me in trouble - i struggle with holding my tongue especially when i see someone regularly who has been gossiped about frequently. withholding information is a form of lying in my opinion - and lying makes me extremely uncomfortable.

impulsive decisions: i am trying to get better about this because i tend to carefully deliberate everything. but i don't like when others around me make impulsive decisions that effect me because it ruins the plan i already had in my mind. for example, last weekend i wanted to go to an all day fall festival with my mother (and yes i told her tuesday my plan) but last minute my mother's boyfriend-not-boyfriend said he needed her help with a project and it was going to be an all weekend thing. so friday night my plan went out the window. so quickly had to make a new plan consisting of paid readings, trader joe's, and shampooing my couch (fun stuff i know...).

a lack of respect for rules/boundaries: a disregard for social norms, etiquette, and established rules of communication annoys me so badly. like it is common courtesy (at least for how i was raised) to call or write in advance of stopping over at someone's house. my mother's boyfriend-not-boyfriend is the biggest perpetrator of this behavior. they aren't technically dating anymore so hello hi in my opinion he should be giving us a heads up if he will be stopping over. also switching gears when i say "no" or "i don't want to" i feel like a lot of people around me push me and test me to see if i will change my tune. i don't appreciate that in the slightest. i make clear boundaries in all the relationships i have (even here i have guidelines) - so yes, you bet i get frustrated when i vocalized or wrote my boundaries and yet they get ignored.

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[evilminji]

You know my Crechelings Are Possessed post?

What if it was just the one? A SI-OC or OC?

Dying and going THROUGH the Force? I will attest, is GONNA have side effects. You're gonna end up... weird. Not Normal for a Force Sensitive. Kinda like Anikin tbh. A bit TOO in tune. A bit TOO aware. Connected.

As though your brain was cracked open 5+ dimensionally, to the Whole Of Creation that IS the Force and it kinda fucked you up a bit. Cause as A Luminous Force Being? You were fine! Energy and light! But as MATTER? Well...

Matter breaks.

Can withstand only so much.

We are LIMITED by our matter, crude and flawed as it is. Beloved as it may be.

Cause make no mistake! You aren't BROKEN. But you are CHANGED. There were a series of clear, monumentous, and "life" altering events back to back here! Death, a traumatizing thing no matter HOW peaceful it may have been. And in all likelihood? It was NOT a peaceful end. It probably? Hurt. Was frightening. Abrupt. There is grief and hurt there. Fear.

Then the trauma of being separated from everyone we have ever known. Without closure. For them OR us. Our empathy would remind us of their suffering. That they do NOT know we are okay. That we have no way to TELL them we are. This too, is trauma. But? Worse?

Is the Force.

We? Are no Jedi. Not yet. We are confused. Lost and do not understand. It is FOREIGN to us. An outside will that we cannot escape. Where are our gods? The death we expected? The afterlife we assumed we would meet? It's INSIDE US. It IS US. We are IT. We don't know where we are and everything feels?

E N D L E S S .

Can force ghosts even cry? Weep, terrified and overwhelmed? Afraid? Simply BRINGING us to them would not impart understanding. And imparting understanding? Well... we know it to be not OF us? To be inflicted. An invasion. The Force is not cruel. But! Importantly! It is not and has never BEEN? Mortal.

Blue and Orange morality is at play. How do you explain to a formless, infinite, all knowing, all powerful God Force? The concept of "boundaries"? Limits? There is GOOD to be done. It's helping you! Pushing love and comfort! Surely that should work? Why is that not working? It is... confused. Not MADE for such contemplations.

This too, is Trauma. Being held in the hands of a God. Benevolent does not mean SAFE. Does not mean you will not be unharmed. Just... that they do not MEAN to harm you.

Or have very Good Reasons for why they "Must".

The Force Ghosts help. They are patient in the way only old Master's could be. Kind. They understand. Have taught. And so? Though they are quite confused, they understand you struggle to release your fear. Explaining things helps. Talking helps. And you find peace.

Not the afterlife you EXPECTED, but not terrible.

Which... of course, is when once again things change.

Birth, Life, these TOO, are Trauma. You were FREE. No more pain. No aches. No hunger, no thirst, no exhaustion. Connection deeper then this broken and flawed matter could ever hope to achieve. The world has gone SILENT. Muffled. Like solitary confinement for the SOUL.

Only in meditation, are you FREE.

Your parents can't handle you. You grieve for them. For the child they should have had. Look around the nursery, so filled with excitement and love, and feel nothing but the urge to weep. You are a stillborn, brought to life. A child stolen. They deserved better then this. Even as you can not be anything but what you ARE? What of THEIR sorrow? Their confusion and futures now impossible?

You love them. They are not yours. Will never tryely be your parents, for all they brought you into this world. But oh, Oh, you love these poor grieving souls. Wish it had not been you. That they could have had the child they were so excited to love. You... you are sorry. So, so sorry.

They take you to the Temple. You guild them to a child in need, first. Hope they will be happy.

You do not look back.

They put you in a Creche with others just as "Unusually Strong" in the Force. Is that Grogu? Hi Grogu. Who are the rest of you? The room is quite. Everyone talking loudly in the Force, instead. It would be deafening for the more delicate younglings. They don't have the shields for it yet. The children here SHOUT without meaning too, like standing at a rock concert.

Visions are a constant thing. Unusual Force gifts and manifestations. Illirrrska can see auras. Doesn't know what they MEAN, mind you, and xe sees them on EVERYTHING that lives, but still! Xey are well on xeir way to figuring it out. (Xey have a holo document cataloging the colors, you see.)

You fit right in! With your Tiny Herald Of Death To Come nature. Your Creche mates believe you. The adults? Have grown numb. Used to filtering. Tiny younglings with Too Much Force flowing through them? Are horrors. Viscerally unsettling. Unnatural.

Even to the Jedi.

But! They REFUSE to treat children with such caution and distain. Hold them at an arms length out of FEAR. So they mentally filter. "That's nice dear, horrifying concepts and brain melting secrets, mmmhmmm. Eat your pudding. Who wants to play float ball~‽ Yaaaaaay!"

No one will listen. Future in motion. But really, of course it is. You are no fool.

However... tell me, Master Jedi. Does it matter? If we die one step to the right as apposed to the left? Because you would not LISTEN when the Force spoke? The future only changes when you ACT. Not when you REFUSE too. Out of FEAR. Out of IGNORANCE. Out of ATTACHMENT.

And make no mistake, you ARE attached. Clinging so hard to your beliefs that you could not POSSIBLY be wrong. Could not POSSIBLY be fallible, be fooled by the Dark Side and lead astray, that you have turned your back on the very Tennants of the Code itself.

What is more important? Tradition or the Force? The innocent or the way things were? Tell me, what is the will of the Force... and what is Fear? Convenience? The little moral compromises that damn? Who do you serve, Master Jedi? And ARE you serving them?

Perhaps you should meditate.

Just???

This Tiny Cryptid Crecheling? That speaks like a wizened old Master? Feels like a tiny star in the Force? Not a cute lil ball of light. A FUCKING STAR. Giant ball of gas in space, a burning ball of light, THAT kind of star! But... small? Person shaped. It's like meditating next to a Force Nexus.

They just? Hand you things. Or sabotage random ships. Literally just FUCKING SHOT a knight once, for no clear reason! All they would say is "it's not like you'll actually listen. This is the only way." What? Of COURSE WE'LL LISTEN! (No. They won't. Just ask Sifo. Ask Obi-Wan. The Sith, fear, and hubris have eroded the Jedi from within.)

The full blown confidence of an adult? Combined with the creepy "oh god. They're in THE VENTS!!!" Nature of highly force sensitive Crechelings?

Magnificent~☆

They can see into your SOUL. Are holding a toddler that squirms around, wiggles up to whisper in their ear, gets a nod, only for YOU to be somberly informed that your second in command (a life long friend) has betrayed you. Avoid wearing red. You will die on a Friday. By the way, they can't reach the counter... could you hand them those snacks?

One of the other one speaks to trees.

The trees SPEAK BACK.

Prophecy. Fuckin Terrifying Prophecy EVERYWHERE.

Did YOU want to know that your grandson will grow up to kill his brother? No? Too bad! Not even married yet? ALSO TOO BAD! Have FUN with that knowledge! How about learning that there is horrific suffering planets away? No. No there ISN'T anything you can do about it. Just... here! Have some Deeply Cursed Knowledge. From a toddler. Now! They're gonna go eat grass~☆

The appear and disappear at random. Climb the walls. Fuckin FLOAT. The Force itself is their imaginary friend! They literally consult it over PUDDING CHOICES. Sometimes? They talk in perfect synchronization, like a hive mind. Stare without blinking. One moment they are perfectly normal children... the next? Like PUPPETS.

Tiny avatars. Through which SOMETHING GREATER speaks. They KNOW, not think, KNOW what they need to do. You can not convince them. Trying just makes you an obstacle to be overcome.

They are four.

Toddlers and children. Younglings. Initiates!

I just? Want there to be? A portion of Deeply Cursed/Possessed Crechelings? That are just LIKE that. Loved regardless. Nothing wrong with them. They're just too strong for their lil bitty baby brains. Once they learn to shield better? It'll balance out. Anikin would have gone there, had he been found young.

It'd be hilarious? If what saves the galaxy? Is someone finally REMEMBERING that? And thinking to themselves?

"Hey, you know what might be good for that Skywalker kid? Being exposed to more Force Sensitives that GET him. We should put him on Cursed Crechelings duty for a bit." And??

Anikin? Is in LOVE? They are all so SMOL an NORMAL? Finally! Jedi who aren't EMOTIONALLY DISTANT! Shielded? What do mean "Shielded"? No I'm not shouting all the time! This is my normal speaking voice! *Skywalker confusion as he cuddles babies*

Cause like? He too? Spoke in horrifying prophecy? Was vaguely Anti-christ-y? Did the (o.o) see into your sooooooul stare? So WHAT? That's just how babies ARE!

.....what do you MEAN "no"?

Every day, throwing open Obi-Wan's poor, slowly being destroyed, front door like "Master! Did you know I am AN OUTLIER!? And REALLY LOUD!? Other people aren't emotionally crippled psychopaths, they're just really REALLY quite compared to me!!" "Ah. Yes, Anikin, please. Maybe say that LOUDER. I don't think the ENTIRE temple quite heard you... -_- "

Just?? Anikin Skywalker! And his Hoard of Creepy Possessed Crechelings that are TOTALLY NORMAL, Guys! All kids are like this! He's a GREAT role model and baby sitting! Yeah, it's the Clone wars, and no, he has NO idea how the entire Creche got onto the ship... but hey! Enrichment! That's good for them, right?

(^-^) (o.o) (|o.o|) (o,o) (o-o) (|o,o|)

*clones look from their general, to the tiny unblinking magic jedi babies, back to their general* s-sure?

@legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj @hypewinter @leftnotright @starwarsblr

[violent-viscera]

the way the ppl whom we love can cut us the most.

after all the love and protection vi sought to provide powder with, a colossal mistake borne of grief and shock and she says, “you’re a jinx, do you hear me?”

after all the former years of idolizing vi then thinking she was dead for so many years, powder’s mental illness running rampant and further fuelled by being in the company of silco and his own insecurities. she thinks being jinx and going by jinx is reclaiming a former insult and turning it into her strength. but to vi, it’s the biggest mistake of her life, calling her baby sister something so hurtful. so i wonder how it feels to hear powder/jinx say, “but he didn’t make jinx. you did.”

and with everything that has been done to one another from each other, the words said to one another, well:

“are we still sisters?”

and isn’t that the most tragic part because there was never a moment where they didn’t love each other. they both said that the thought of the other sister is what kept them alive, kept them going through their darkest days—it was that LOVE that had been there and always there.

but now, they find themselves at the mercy of the other in the new season and all i can hope is that they still feel and can unearth that love.

i just cannot fathom that it’s completely died. maybe they can’t recognize one another after years of estrangement and after finding themselves on opposing sides.

vi doesn’t recognize the manic and chaotic terrorist jinx has become and jinx cannot recognize the sister who is chummy with enforcers and has priorities outside of herself (i am not condoning her perspective or mindset but it was adopted through years of being w silco).

even then, it was vi who said it herself:

“nothing is ever going to change that.”

[caplanbuckybarnes]

Loved You Then, Love You Now (Jason Todd)

Summary: he's always loved you.

Warnings: fluff

WC: 660ish

Read on AO3!

--

The streets of Gotham were quieter than usual. You and Jason strolled side by side, hands stuffed into your jacket pockets to fend off the evening chill. It had been years since you two were kids, running around the old neighborhood, getting into trouble, and chasing after your dreams. But even now, nothing had really changed between you—well, almost nothing.

"You remember when we used to come here?" you asked, looking up at the park where you and Jason had spent countless afternoons, swinging from the rusted playground equipment and daring each other to climb trees.

Jason smirked, glancing over at the worn metal slide. "Yeah, I used to push you off that slide all the time."

You bumped your shoulder against his playfully. "You were such a brat."

Jason chuckled, the sound deep but soft. "Still am, depending on who you ask."

The two of you walked in silence for a bit, memories floating in the air between you. It was nice, just being with him like this. No Red Hood, no danger—just Jason, the boy you’d grown up with, your best friend.

But lately, things felt... different. You’d catch him looking at you longer than usual, and sometimes, his hand would brush yours like he was about to hold it but thought better of it. The tension between you both had grown unspoken, something unsaid lingering in the air.

Finally, you decided to break the quiet. "Jay," you began, your voice soft, "I've been thinking."

"Uh oh," Jason teased, but there was a seriousness in his eyes as he looked at you. "What's on your mind?"

You stopped walking and turned to face him fully, the weight of the words you were about to say pressing down on you. "Do you ever think about... what we could have been?"

Jason’s expression shifted, a mix of surprise and something unreadable flashing in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," you hesitated, biting your lip, "we’ve been through everything together—school, growing up, even losing you for a bit—" You swallowed the lump in your throat. "I’ve always felt like there’s something more between us, and maybe we’ve just been too scared to admit it."

Jason looked away for a moment, his jaw clenching like he was fighting something back. Then, he turned his piercing blue gaze back to you, his voice lower and gentler than you'd ever heard. "I’ve loved you since we were kids."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What?"

Jason took a step closer, his hand reaching up to gently cup your cheek. "I’ve loved you since we were kids," he repeated, his thumb brushing softly against your skin. "I just never thought I deserved you. Not with everything that’s happened. But I can’t hide it anymore."

Tears pricked at your eyes, but you blinked them back, too overwhelmed by the confession to speak. He loved you. He always had.

You let out a soft laugh, almost disbelieving. "Why didn’t you say anything sooner?"

Jason smiled, that crooked, charming grin that never failed to make your heart flutter. "I was waiting for the right moment. But I guess there's no ‘right moment’ in Gotham, huh?"

You shook your head, grinning through the tears threatening to spill. "No, there isn’t."

And then, before either of you could say anything else, Jason leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was sweet, soft, and so full of the love that had been building for years. It felt like coming home.

When you finally pulled away, Jason rested his forehead against yours, a rare, genuine smile on his face. "Always thought I’d have to fight some villain for you," he joked softly. "Turns out, the real battle was just telling you how I feel."

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close. "Well, I’m glad you finally won, Jay."

Jason held you tighter, whispering into your ear, "I’m never letting you go."

-

tags!

EVERYTHING PERM: @nekoannie-chan @kjs-s @notyourtypicalrose @mistressofallthingsgeeky

DCEU PERM TAGS: @other-fandom-reblogs

[theunsinkableship1]

LOVE SEASON IS "FINNALY" HERE!

DISCLAIMER: This is LUKOLALAND only. Do not read if you're not a shipper. This is PURELY FICTIONAL. No harm intended.

It was a quiet Friday evening, and Nicola was packing up her things in her trailer after another long day on set, lost in thoughts of how much things had changed. She missed the parties she used to host during their season, Fridays used to mean champagne and enjoyment with the cast and crew, but now, all she wanted was to get home, and above all she missed Luke, she missed sharing the make-up trailer with him, those were times filled with laughter and fun. Now, every moment around Luke felt heavy, tinged with a mix of nostalgia and heartbreak. The past weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, and she had managed to maintain her composure only by keeping her interactions with Luke mostly professional rekindling their friendship little by little. It had been incredibly difficult; they had just filmed their first intimate scenes as a couple for the new season, and although the professional side of their job was completed, the emotional undercurrent between them lingered like a charged atmosphere. Nicola had to keep her emotions in check every time their eyes met; the unspoken history between them was palpable. The way Luke’s touch felt against her skin, the warmth of his breath on her face, and the closeness that once felt so natural now sent her heart racing. Each kiss, though scripted, felt like a battle against her own desires; she had to catch herself from slipping into old feelings, holding back the urge to fully immerse herself in the familiar comfort of his embrace.Nicola often felt sad and uneasy in Luke's absence, like a piece of her life was missing. Without him, there was a constant sense of imbalance, as if something crucial was out of place. Luke had always made her feel secure, confident, and grounded. His presence boosted her energy, allowing her to live more fully and embrace happiness. With him, everything seemed lighter; he brought strength into her life that she couldn’t find on her own. His support made her feel unstoppable, and being with him just made everything better. She fought hard to maintain her composure, to remind herself that this was just a role, but every scene brought them closer, blurring the lines between performance and the raw emotions that still simmered beneath the surface. She had gathered all strength she had left to endure these first weeks. She had been friendly, and everything went well but that was it for today, she needed to recharge, she was exhausted

For Luke, watching Nicola from a distance had been a daily torment. He had seen her light up screens and stages, but now she was different with him, he could feel the space that was created between them, she was even more guarded than before. Even when she smiled or looked and him, he knew that she was reserved, it wasn’t the same He missed the carefree way they used to be around each other, the late-night laughs, and the unspoken bond they once shared. But his summer had been full of mistakes, missed opportunities, and an overwhelming realization that Nicola was the one person he couldn’t let go of. Luke also had remained professional, friendly but he was also acting as if nothing had changed, slowly approaching her more and more every day.

Before the filming days, Luke’s state of mind was a tangled mix of longing, regret, and jealousy, fueled by the glimpses he got of her summer through social media posts. Each update photos with friends and fans, scenic shots from events, and the occasional candid moment, although it filled him with joy was also like a punch to his gut, reminding him of what he had lost. Seeing her seemingly happy, surrounded by people, made his insecurities flare up. He couldn’t help but obsess over every detail: her smiles, the new faces beside her, the places she went. It all felt like a reminder that she was moving on, finding joy and connections without him. Luke’s imagination ran wild, envisioning her with someone else, and it drove him to the brink of desperation. His jealousy wasn’t just about who she was with but about the life she seemed to be building without him, a life that, not long ago, he had been a part of. He had called her in the summer, and though their conversations were warm, Nicola kept a noticeable distance. Luke had seen the songs she chose to share online, each lyric and melody feeling like they were meant for him. Her subtle support, the quiet ways she showed she still cared, made him fall for her even more deeply. But doubt gnawed at him; he couldn’t be sure if the messages were really about him or just wishful thinking. He clung to the hope that there was still a chance for them, but uncertainty loomed large, he didn’t know if he still had a place in her heart.

Seeing Nicola again during rehearsals and filming hit Luke harder than he expected. She tried to avoid him whenever possible, only spending the bare minimum amount of time required for their scenes or work-related tasks. It felt like a game of cat and mouse, Luke was constantly seeking opportunities to get closer, to reconnect, but Nicola kept slipping away, maintaining her distance and making herself elusive. Each time he thought he had a chance to bridge the gap, she would subtly evade him, retreating before he could truly reach her. He could feel her slipping through his fingers, running away just as he tried to draw near, leaving him frustrated yet more determined to break through her defenses. Her presence stirred a mix of longing and regret inside him; she looked so beautiful, radiant, focused, and guarded, maintaining a polite "pal" distance that reminded him just how far apart they’d drifted. Every stolen glance, every soft smile she gave to others, reminded him of how he loved to hear her speak, how much he had missed her scent, the closeness they once shared and now seemed lost. Without her, life was so draining, he felt at ease in her presence, it reminded him how little he had laughed without her.

During rehearsals and on set, Luke tried to bridge the emotional gap, using every moment of their scripted closeness as an opportunity to reconnect. He leaned into their scenes, savoring the way her laughter sounded, the familiar touch of her hand in his, and the subtle electric charge that still sparked between them. In unguarded moments, he would linger near her, trying to reignite the warmth and ease they once had, hoping she could feel the sincerity in every look and gesture. He missed her terribly, and being this close again, hearing her voice, feeling her body, only fueled his determination to find his way back into her heart, though he knew it would take time and patience to break through the walls she had put up.

Nicola and Luke were cautiously trying to rebuild their friendship, navigating the fragile ground between what they once had and what they now were. Nicola was always supportive of Luke, never letting past wounds interfere with her genuine concern for his well-being. Luke appreciated her maturity, recognizing how she never acted petty or held grudges, but instead, offered kindness that reassured him during his moments of self-doubt. He found solace in her presence, feeling a comfort that he had missed deeply, but he could also feel the lingering distance between them. While he cherished their time together, jealousy gnawed at him, especially when he thought about Nicola’s close friend, the one she often spent time with, the one he’d seen in social media posts. He wanted to be the one she turned to, her first call, her safe space. The thought of her sharing those moments with someone else stung. Luke realizing with each passing day that he wanted to be more than just a friend to her; he wanted to be her priority, just as he had discovered she was his. The ache in his chest reminded him that, despite all the progress they had made, his feelings for her were far from platonic.

Torn between the fear of rejection and the burning need to reconnect, Luke realized he couldn’t stand on the sidelines any longer. He had to take the risk, reach out, and try to reclaim what they once had, even if it meant facing the painful truth of her moving on.

A sudden knock interrupted Nicola’s thought, startling her. Without thinking, she opened the door, expecting a crew member. Instead, there he was, Luke dressed casually with a white t-shirt and black jeans, but the tension in his posture was evident, looking up to her with an expression that she couldn't quite place. His brows were knitted together, jaw tight, and his attempt at a smile seemed strained. She thought to herself what now? But she was an actress, and she had to be a great one now. Nicola, confident and in good spirits, tilted her head with curiosity.

"Luke, what’s up?" she asked with a light-hearted chuckle, trying to ease the tension she felt radiating from her insides.

"Can we talk?" he asked, his voice tinged with a frustration she hadn’t heard from him before.

Nicola hesitated but she said «Sure, come in,", stepping aside., gesturing for him to enter. Luke walked in, looking around her trailer as if searching for the right words. He finally turned to her, his eyes not quite meeting hers.

"How was the rest of your summer?" he asked abruptly. It was the first personal question he’d asked this week. Nicola raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by his sudden interest.

"It was… great," she said cautiously, trying to read his mood. "I worked, met some great people, and had a lot of fun. You?"

Luke shrugged, avoiding her gaze. "Alright. You’ve seen most of it… I’ve seen some of yours too," he added, his tone edged with something she couldn’t quite place.

Luke hesitated before blurting out, "I saw that you were in Malta… "

Nicola’s heart skipped a beat at his words, her defenses rising. "Yeah, well, I’ve been busy," she started to say, but Luke cut her off, his voice softer now.

"Nic…" he said gently, and the sound of her name from his lips made her heart lurch.

She looked up, meeting his eyes, feeling the familiar pull between them. But she held her ground, not willing to be swayed by his vulnerability.

"Are you happy?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Nicola blinked, taken aback by the question. "Seriously, did he really ask that? Knowing what he did? she was getting angry. Why was he bringing this up now? Luke had already apologized and that was it. She had thought they had moved past this.

Nicola’s patience was wearing thin. Anger simmered beneath her calm exterior. How could he ask that now, after everything? She straightened her posture, refusing to let him see how deeply his question rattled her.

"Luke, you don’t get to ask me that," she said firmly. "Not after everything."

Luke’s mind raced. He knew he had messed up, that he had let his fears and doubts drive a wedge between them. But seeing her with someone else, knowing that she could move on without him, was unbearable.

“Answer me please “He insisted.

"I am happy," she answered firmly. "And I’m also exhausted. So, if there’s nothing else …"

Luke moved closer; his expression pained. "I need to know... are you dating him?" He took a deep breath, his frustration spilling over. "Nic, I can’t keep pretending. I’ve made mistakes but seeing you with him… it’s driving me crazy. "I need to know... are you dating him?"

Nicola’s eyes widened in disbelief. She couldn’t believe her ears. He was mad surely. How did he found the courage to ask that? He may have lost his mind during his summertime; those Italians and Spanish sunrays are fierce.

She pulled back, shaking her head as if trying to wake up from a bad dream. "Luke, this is none of your business."

"Please, just answer me," he begged, his voice laced with worry.

“Do you love him? He dared to ask with jealousy in his voice.”

Nicola’s calm facade cracked. "Luke, we work together. I need you to respect my boundaries. You made your choices, and I’ve made mine. Let’s keep it professional".

“I can’t!” he almost screamed.

What? She replied dumbfounded.

“I must know if you’re with him. I can’t take this anymore.”

She was incredulous. She decided to go for the door.

He stopped her by kneeling in front of her.

His frustration bubbled over. "I can’t keep this professional anymore!" he almost shouted, his voice breaking.

Nicola was stunned. In all those years they’ve worked together, she had never seen him this troubled before. She stared at him, unable to process his words. "What do you mean?"

“"Nic, I'm really sorry. I should have been honest with her from the start, and I regret how things turned out after the premiere. That day was meant to be about us, and I ruined it. I was afraid to end things with her because everything was happening so fast, and I had already made a commitment, thinking we wouldn’t get there. I couldn’t handle the situation, and I’m truly sorry. I know it’s late, but I wanted to apologize again, deeply and sincerely."

Nicola was totally at a loss for words, moved by the sincerity in his voice.

“Thank you for saying that. It’s very nice of you... “

Are you dating him? He asked again cutting her speech.

“Why would you need that information?”

"I miss you," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "I messed up, Nic. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. I ended things because I realized you’re the one. I’ve missed you every single day, and I can’t stand the idea of you with someone else. Nic., I thought I could, but I can’t pretend anymore. I want you."

Nicola’s heart pounded in her chest. She’d dreamed of hearing those words, but now they felt like too little, too late. "Luke, you can’t just show up and…"

Luke stood up, towering her totally as she wasn’t wearing heels.

“I want to know if you’re single because… I want to date you. I ended things with her. I’m tired of this Ross and Rachel bullshit.” I was miserable, I missed you so much all summer, I thought that I was going crazy, my world was upside-down, it turned darker every day, everything seemed boring and irrelevant when I was not with you, everything was tasteless and useless, you make my life so much better.

Nicola was stunned. Speechless. She was staring at him disarmed by his words. Her eyes softened as she saw the genuine pain in his. But she couldn’t let go of her own hurt.

“No” she simply said.

“I was scared, and I pushed you away when I should have pulled you closer. But I’ve realized… you’re the one. You’ve always been the one” he said moving closer to her.

"Nicola, I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want to be better for you. I want to be the person who makes you happy, who supports your dreams and never holds you back. You deserve someone who lifts you up, and I’m ready to do that. I’m committed to growing, to being the kind of partner who enriches your life, not complicates it. Let me prove that I can be the person who stands by your side through everything, who helps you find peace and joy. I want us to be something real, something strong."

Nicola felt her defenses crumbling, but she held her ground. " "Luke, you can’t just show up and expect everything to go back to how it was. You broke my heart, and I’ve worked hard to put the pieces back together. I think it’s best if we just stay friends." "

"I know," Luke said, his eyes filled with regret. "But I want to fix it. I want to be more than a friend, I want us."

She turned away, trying to collect her thoughts. The weight of his words was heavy, pulling at her resolve. "You hurt me," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I don’t know if I can trust you with my heart again."

Luke’s heart sank. He wanted to take back every missed opportunity, but he couldn’t change the past. All he could do was prove himself now. "I’m willing to do whatever it takes," he said earnestly. "I want you, Nicola.”

“Only you” he said moving closer to her.

Nicola looked at him, her expression torn between hope and caution. Her eyes filled with tears, torn between her love for him and the pain he’d caused. She had missed him too, more than she cared to admit. But she wasn’t going to make it easy for him, she wasn't ready to give up on them either."We’ll see," she said finally, her voice a mix of guarded optimism and lingering doubt. "But you’ll have to prove it."

Luke nodded, knowing he had a long road ahead.

“Don’t date another man. I’m yours".

"The only one “. He added with conviction.

His expression changed, his eyes darkened, a mixture of determination and desperation. He stepped closer, his eyes locked on hers. She backed against the wall, expecting his advance. The air between them crackled with unresolved tension. He gently lifted her chin, forcing her to fixate on his gaze. She saw the depth of his feelings, the intensity that had been missing.

“Don’t speak,” he whispered, his voice low and commanding. “I’m done going back and forth. I’m done waiting for the right time. I need you now.” He pressed his body against hers, his hands pinning her wrists against the wall. She let out a small sound, a mix of surprise and longing. His touch was electrifying, sending shivers down her spine.

He leaned in and kissed her left cheek his hand caressing her other cheek. " I want to be yours, he said gruffly “and I want you to be mine “he murmured in her ear, he moved a little to see her face, his eyes searching hers for any sign of resistance.

She could feel her resolve melting, her body responding to his nearness. "Please," she whispered, her voice barely audible, filled with need.

He leaned even more wanting to capture her lips with his, she parted hers delicately "The kiss started soft and slow, but it quickly turned voracious." She responded eagerly, deepening the kiss, her hand roaming through his curly hair. His moan vibrated against her lips, and he pulled her closer, his hands wandering about freely on her body, his hand grabbing her breasts, his lips kissing her everywhere with voraciousness, he was hungry of her.

They moved to the sofa, still lost in each other, Nicola put her hands on his bum, he growled with pleasure, she straddled him, their connection electric, both smiling and chuckling despite the intensity. For a moment, everything else faded away, leaving only the two of them, rewriting the stars one kiss at a time.

[cvrnelians]

dead souls - chapter one

dark!Peter Parker x reader: You haven’t been the same since your boyfriend died—a shadow of your former self. Peter intends to change that.

warnings: minors DNI, 18+ non-con, stalking, obsessive behavior

“I didn’t see that”

The man stumbling by came to a halt, now standing directly in front of you. You couldn’t know for sure, but you surmised that whoever this man was, he had certainly seen better days. He looked around your age, twenty six or so. His face was littered with cuts and bruises, poorly concealed beneath a black baseball cap. His right hand was wrapped up in an ace bandage and he seemed to be walking with a limp, causing him to trip and fall onto the grass mere seconds earlier. To his credit, he recovered quickly. He dusted himself off and surveyed the area as inconspicuously as he could, checking to see if anyone spotted him.

Evidently, someone had.

“See what, exactly?”

You stopped reading your book and looked up at him.

“Some poor guy faceplanting out of nowhere. Didn’t see a thing.”

He chuckled to himself, crossing his arms. He lifted his chin a little and nodded at you, as if challenging you. “Some poor guy, huh?”

“It would seem so.”

“Yeah, well this poor guy doesn’t need your pity. And he has a name.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, excuse me. Some rude, unappreciative guy faceplanting out of nowhere. My mistake.”

“It’s Peter, actually. In case you were curious.”

“You wanna know something?”

“I think I’m probably gonna hear it either way.”

“I got a top tier view of you wiping out earlier. But fortunately for you, Peter, I’m an exceptionally nice person. So of course I’m going to pretend that I didn’t see a thing.”

“An exceptionally nice person,” he echoed. “You got proof of that?”

“I didn’t laugh at you.”

“So?”

“I could’ve.”

“Did you want to?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to admit to that one. You look pretty scrappy. Rough night?”

He chuckled again, shaking his head. “Oh, you have no idea.” And then, as if saving face, “You should see the other guy.”

You were both quiet for a few seconds as he studied you, a lopsided grin on his face. Beneath the injuries and the slouchy posture, you could tell he wasn’t bad looking. You would argue that he was pretty good looking, in fact. His eyes were dark. Warm.

“Have you got one?” he asked, tilting his head to one side.

“An embarrassing fall story?”

“A name.”

“Oh. One of those. You know, I might have one somewhere…”

“I’m sure you can tell my folks thought long and hard before deciding on mine.”

“Oh naturally, yeah. Peter. Very avant garde.”

“Conceptual.”

“Ahead of the times.”

“Peter. Peter Parker.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

“Nice alliteration.”

He came a little closer. “What are you reading?”

You felt a wave of dread come over you as he eyed the brown leatherbound photo album, a book you had come to know all too well this past year. You protectively shoved it back into your purse. “Oh, this? This is nothing.”

He squinted. “Is that a photo album?”

You smiled weakly at him, zipping your purse closed and setting it down next to you. “It’s nothing.”

A gift from your late boyfriend, chock-full of memories you two shared together. You had bought him a disposable camera one year for his birthday, and he certainly put it to good use. Since his passing, you had spent hours scouring the album, tearfully flicking through the pages over and over again.

“Hold on a sec,” Peter said, reaching into the bag he was carrying to retrieve an ancient looking camera. He motioned towards you. “I’m a photographer by trade. May I?”

It took you a minute to understand what he was asking. Before you could give him an answer, he crouched down and the flash went off. Once, twice. He pulled the first photo from the camera and grabbed a sharpie from his bag, removing the cap with his teeth. He quickly scribbled something down on the back and handed it to you.

He fumbled when removing the second photo, dropping it amongst the leaves. It got picked up by the wind, floating away just as quickly as it appeared. He whipped his head around, standing up as if he was about to run after it, but you stopped him.

“Don’t worry about it. Some poor soul will find it.”

He grinned at you. “Some lucky duck, I’d say.”

You stared at him for a second, a little stunned. Was he flirting with you?

He put the cap back on the sharpie and shoved it in his bag, beginning to limp away from you. He peeked over his shoulder, giving you a nod. “I’ll see you around, hopefully.”

You shifted your gaze to the photo in your hands as he walked off, surveying the messy array of letters and numbers scrawled across it.

He had given you his number.

🕸️

Peter took a big gulp of coffee as he studied the photo.

Your photo.

Sat comfortably beneath an oak tree, surrounded by leaves of red, orange and yellow. You looked a little surprised, caught off guard.

Cute.

Luckily, it hadn’t been difficult to find.

He chuckled to himself, setting it down on the table. Strewn across it was an array of photos, all of which you hadn’t known about—you would never know about, if he could help it. This was the first he had taken where you were looking directly at the camera, the first photo he had taken in fall.

Fall, as he’d read, held some interesting meanings—that of transition, a time of harvest. An accumulation of growth, a time where crops were ripe and ready for the taking. It had been a year; more than enough time for you to process what had happened to you. You had to have been ready by now.

Peter hadn’t meant for things to go this far.

In fact, he had fully intended on saving your boyfriend. He tried. He really did, but he couldn’t. And at first, it ate him up inside. That was how he found you in the first place, tracking down your boyfriend—or as he preferred to view him, your ex boyfriend—‘s loved ones, doing small, anonymous good deeds to help alleviate his guilt. Bringing your trash cans in from the road, locking your front door when you’d forgotten to, following you to make sure you got home from work safely.

But then things…got a little out of hand.

Peter knew what it was like to lose someone—to be rendered unable to pick up the phone and call them when you needed them most. The loss of Gwen had been beyond devastating, and he’d never really come to terms with it. He empathized with you on a core level, eavesdropping on your grief support groups, the podcasts you listened to, your sad phone calls.

Following you became a bit of a compulsion. He was able to justify it to himself just fine, at least for a while. He was only protecting you, making sure you didn’t get hurt like your boyfriend—er, ex boyfriend did.

Through watching you, he quickly discovered something he hadn’t expected: It was hard to know someone so deeply and not want to love them. And then he began to do what he did best—take photos. And oh, what a beautiful subject he had found.

Today hadn’t been the day he wanted you to finally see him. He had been in pretty rough shape, badly beaten from the previous night’s events. Just another day “at work.” He hadn’t meant to trip and fall in front of you, to make clumsiness the center of your first impression of him. At least you had a first impression of him now. At least you saw him. After all this time, after all this pining, you finally saw him.

And he saw you.

Now, all there was to do was wait.

[echantedtoon]

Obsession 憑 Ch39

(Warnings for Yn's wound being reopened, blood, some maids ganging up and attacking her, Yn gets bullied, Jade gets knocked out by a scrub brush, etc.)

Tagging: @lavenderdropp @supernovacoffeestop @gilded-sunrays

Remember if you want to be added to the taglist lemme know

                           Part 4 Day-Night 

The silence after that was astounding to you. 

And you felt empowered by the way you had singlehandedly undone everything that they had wished to accomplish. You couldn't help but smile at the hurt look Yoriichi gave you and the glowering scowl Michikatsu gave his plate. Meanwhile their father continued to ignore everyone of you. 

The only disturbance was the clinking of chopsticks against silverware. Blissfully it was silent just the way you wanted it. This wasn't where you wanted your life to go, but you weren't going to complain about it. Especially since in the end you did gain a big victory even if it was small in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't long until a loud knocking on the other side sounded out.

"Enter."

The door slid open again but this time there was two people kneeling before the royalty inside the room. The guard from before and the older woman who had come in with Shinobu to bathe you and forced you into this ridiculous get up. 

"The head maid like you asked, Your Highness," the guard spoke. 

"Oh right." Without even looking up he asked you. "Are you sure you wouldn't want to reconsider marrying Michikatsu? You'll be treated the same as every other lowly servant here and lose any luxury."

"I'd rather work for the rest of my life." You shot Michikatsu a harsh look at the hurt look he had the audacity of giving you. 

"Suit yourself." A hand pointed to you. "That woman is to be put to work immediately. No special treatment shall be allowed."

"Yes, Your Highness. Shall that be all?", the older woman asked.

"Yes. Have a maid ready her old room for visitors. I suspect that many will be coming once the matchmaker starts setting up marriage interviews for my son."

"It shall be done, Sir."

"Good. Now take the dog away from my sight and go train her. I'm much too busy preparing for a meeting to deal with her any longer."

"Thank you for letting me talk and giving me this job," you said bowing to him no matter how MUCH you loathed doing so.

"Make sure the first thing you train her to do is to not bark until commanded!" 

You frowned angry but said nothing as you got up and just walked towards the exit. Both sets of plum red eyes following you longingly out the door where the door closed behind you with a click sound. You stood there while the older woman slowly stood up next to you and looked at you calmly with a blank face.

"Well, this is a surprise. You actually chose a life of labor over luxury."

"That luxury would've came with a terrible price." Red eyes narrowed at her. "They caused me so much grief. I'd rather work the rest of my life in servitude than to ever allow giving them the satisfaction they want. You probably think of me as crazy."

"Actually I do not fault you. There's many a woman who'd rather not be married to high ranked men. But from on this kind of talk stops." She turned serious. "From this day forth, you're now a member of staff under the Tsugikuni household. You shall not ever utter a word of disagreement towards them again lest you be punished. Am I understood?"

"Yes."

"Yes, Ma'am," she corrected you. "I am now your superior. You may refer to me as Ma'am or Madam or even Head Mistress if you prefer but you will address all superiors with respect and the royalty as their Highness or their lordship."

"I see. So this is the way?"

"That is right. Now the first thing we'll do is change your attire to something more fitting of your position." She then turned and started walking off. "Follow me."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Very good. Keep that profession up on you."

"Yes, Ma'am."

You followed her back up the hall and through the palace gaining more odd looks from staff and those patrolling the castle. In one case as you turned the corner, you saw one of the other maids giving you a disgusted look before turning to another maid and whispering something to her but you only focused on where the woman took you. Which was a long hallway and a big room with a large room. She beckoned you inside and you followed her into a..giant empty room except for two large doors.

"This is the maids' courters," she explained walking up to one of the doors opening it to reveal a giant closet full of many bed sheets and nearly folded clothes. "You'll get one bed set, one uniform. It's your job to clean both. Laundry day is every Thursday. Over there is the bathroom." She pointed out the other large door in here. "Work starts at three o'clock sharp every morning. By then you're expected to be up, dressed presentably, with your bed away, and awaiting for your assignments for the day. ..This looks your size."

She pulled out a plain beige uniform that matched every other maid's outfit. Plain and simple. After a moment she nodded and held it out to you to which you slowly took it.

"You get one meal a day strictly at noon. If you don't get there in time you go hungry. Bedtime is always at eight unless you're on night duty. Do you understand everything I told you?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good. Laziness and improper behavior is not tolerated and punishments are usually bad. I don't like seeing anyone get them so you'll do best to keep your head down and follow the rules. But first thing's first. Change out of those clothes and remove the hairpin. Those are for noble ladies and you're not but a servant now. When you're finished come into the hall. I'll be assigning you a guide for the first month."

She then left you in the cold room with nothing but the empty room for company. After a moment you unfurled the drab dress and looked at it. How did your life come to this? Still you'd rather be a servant than give either of those brothers the satisfaction of having you. So you got changed leaving the fancy things behind before going back out to the hallway and finding the Madam talking to the maids you saw earlier. They seemed to be smiling and happy until you walked up to them to which they turned and narrowed their eyes.

"Ah. Good. You're here." She gestured to the two women in front of you both. "Y/n this is Sakura and Jade. They've been here far longer than you have and know the routine. For the next month you'll be working alongside them as they guide you around."

"Yes, Ma'am. It's nice to meet you both."

Through strained smiles they nodded. "Nice to meet you too. We've heard SO much about you."

"Enough talk. You three are meant to work. You're first assignment is to clean this hall and the maids' courters. Between the three of you it should be done before noon. Get started on it."

Footsteps echoed throughout the hall as she turned to leave, leaving you alone with the two women who stood there smiling at you. They looked similar. The one called Jade was slightly taller than the one called Sakura, and Sakura had a smaller nose, but otherwise they could've been the same woman. Sisters? Cousin's maybe? 

"So you're Y/n! We've heard so much about you!"

Your brow rose at the obvious fake tone she used. "Really?"

Jade nodded. "Yes! You've been all anyone can talk about....All the time. Pretty infamous." You thought that much but hearing set a feeling of annoyance in your guts. "A woman like you is pretty unheard of."

"I've been told."

"Well it's still morning. Let's get cleaning so we don't miss out on lunch." That sounded good to you. You didn't eat a thing at the breakfast and you would rather have a good lunch. "I'll get the hallway, Jade can get the room, and you'll get our bathroom! With the three of us each doing a room, we'll be a lot faster."

You were kinda annoyed that YOU were stuck cleaning up the bathroom but you just nodded. "Alright then. Sounds fine."

"Great! I'll go get everything we need."

Sakura left momentarily but came right back with a broom, giant bucket, and a scrub brush for you. Shooting you off towards the bathroom before she turned to go get the same things for herself and Jade. Fine by you. You wanted to get started and get it over with. At least with the bathroom you didn't have to go far for water. So leaving Jade alone in the hallway, you left and found yourself in a large bathroom. Big enough to probably count as a bathhouse on it's own but obviously way less fancy. You deflated slightly seeing how big it was...but sucked it up and just got to work.

Sweeping away the floors. Scrubbing the floors on hands and knees before scrubbing at the wide bathtub. You preferred not to remember the toilets. By the end of it you were tired but satisfied with everything that was done. You stepped out into the large empty counters expecting to see Jade done or at least still working but blinked when you saw no one. The dirty floor wasn't even swept. The hallway told you the same thing. It hit you instantly.

Those rats! They left you to do all the work!

Immediately a bubble of anger burnt in your guts and in frustration you three down the scrub brush you were carrying. The thud sound echoed down the long hallway as it connected with the ground attracting the attention of a guard walking by. He stopped and looked at you with a frown.

"What are you doing, Woman?!," he demanded.

You jumped at the voice but gestured. "T-Those girls..they left me to do all the work-"

"Is the work done?"

"N-No but-"

"Then shut your tongue and finish it before you're punished for insubordination!" Your jaw dropped as he turned and started patrolling again. 

Your jaw dropped at the now empty space around you before slowly picking the scrub brush back up and sighing to yourself. This would not be easy. And it was not. You spent the entire noon into the evening sweeping and getting on your hands and knees scrubbing the floors until the giant room was clean and the hallway was nearly done. You were scrubbing towards the very beginning of the hallway nearly done when you heard the sounds of two pairs of footsteps and a moment later two pairs of feet stopped in front of your eyes. You slowly looked up and found the two forms of the girls staring down at you smirking.

"Oh great! All our work is almost done."

"No thanks to you! Where did you go?!"

"To go eat. Too bad you missed out. Soup is delicious but then again you wouldn't know since you were busy."

"Why did you just leave me?"

"Because you need to know your place." Gone was the smiles and smirks. Now two scowls were given to you. "A little rat like you scuttling your way up here like you're actually something special. It makes me sick."

"Not to mention that you think you're actually good enough to be with the princes! Dressing yourself up like a man.... Like you're worth anything." Then she kicked. The bucket went tumbling over as soapy water sloshed all over the floor as you stared wide eyed. "So we're going to show you where you truly belong! You're not different than the rest of us here! So finish cleaning up you mess and don't forget to soak up your water."

Then they left. Leaving you sitting there on your knees and soaking your legs in the soapy water. You stared at the floor for a long time before gritting your teeth and willing tears not to cry.

You are nothing that day. Going hungry until it was night time and all of the maids began to come back to sleep again. Most gave you odd looks but you had no idea if it was because you looked frazzled or if they shared the same mindset as the two sisters. But everyone filed in. Everyone grabbed a blanket set from the closet. You were deliberately pushed into the back of the line and by the time you got to the closet...it was bare. You stared at the empty space as Snickers filled the large room.

"Ladies, bed! Everyone knows the rules. Y/n, you're no exception to the rules. Go to bed."

"There's no more beds." You gestured to the closet as you looked at the blank faces woman.

"Then you'll have to sleep on the floor until you get one. As I said, no exceptions. Now lights out."

You stood there as the door closed like an idiot in a sea of smirks and evil cackling.

"Guess the princess isn't use to anything else but silk sheets. Don't worry. I bet if you dream hard enough the floor will feel just like them."

You shot whoever it was a look, but didn't give them the satisfaction of a reaction. You ended up curling up on the cold hard floor in front of the door. That night you barely got any sleep at all. Too cold. Too hard. Nothing like when you were back home. Back in your own snug bed with Nezuko just a few feet away sleeping soundly and Tanjiro in the room next over. Warm under your covers safe and sound in your small home. You hoped they were alright. You just wanted to go home. To wake up and have all of this be nothing but a bad dream. 

The following next few weeks were the some of the worst days of your life. 

It was the same routine every day. The same cruelty every day.

You were continued to be stuck to the cruel sisters. They would only mock you and leave you to do either all or most of the work load whether it be scrubbing floors, delivering laundry, or washing windows. No one offered help. No one spoke to you unless it was to mock or they had to. Cold night's were spent sleeping curled up on the cold floors and days were spent in cruelty. The cruelty amped up quickly as well. If started with one made purposely knocking into you making you drop an entire basket of clean sheets into a muddy spot on the ground. Then it escalated.

More shoves. Someone purposely pushing you forward in the line for lunch causing you to spill half of the hot soup on you and giving you small burns. Throwing your only dress into the water while you were bathing. You tried telling the head maid but she was no help at all.

"Unless I see it happen there's nothing I can do. It's your word against there's. What did you expect when you were put to work here?"

You were trapped here. The only saving grace was that  you didn't see or hear anything from Yoriichi or Michikatsu for the duration of your maid-hood. You sometimes saw Lord Tsugikuni as he made morning expectations around the palace before heading off to breakfast and then business, but you never paid attention to him other than forcing yourself to now as he walked past and he never gave you a second glance. Seems he had forgotten about your existence. Hopefully with some luck, those brothers would do the same.

One day it went from zero to a hundred as you were scrubbing the balcony on the second floor with a few just above the hot springs...The same hot springs you ran from when the visiting noble lady saw you. You were nearly done standing up to wipe off the railing..When suddenly the back of your neck got goosebumps and you heard snickering from behind you. You turned sharply but it was too late-

"AH!"

A sharp pain shocked through your shoulder as a broom handle whacked across you leading you to clutch your shoulder with a hiss. Blinking open you saw at least four other girls in front of you including the sisters.

"Oops. Sorry. I was just trying to hand it to you. Guess it must've slipped out of my grip."

You stood there staring at the four for a moment before your red eyes burnt. Hands were raised and you CHUCKED the scrub brush as hard as you could at Jade's face. It made contact giving a loud THUNK sound as it collided with her face. She stumbled backwards dropping the broom and collapsed onto the ground with like a sack of potatoes. 

Then there was silence. 

The three women stared in shock as you stood there panting and fuming at them.

"JADE!!" 

Sakura dropped the broom to immediately tend to her sister. You slowly blinked standing there still before freezing upon realization of what you'd done. Jade laid there unconscious as her sister patted her face over and over only to get no reaction. The other two maids stood there as stunned as you were. Your body reacting before your mind could process what had happened. Perhaps that's why you didn't see it coming when Sakura snapped to you with a murderous glare.

AND LUNGED AT YOU.

You barely had any time to react before you felt yourself be shoved backwards by a Sakura, slipping on the just mopped balcony still wet, and your back painfully hitting the railing-Something torn making you scream as you tumbled over it backwards-

...

And then there was a splash.

[daydreamerwoah]

Love Through It All (Alternate Ending - Different Character Death)

tw: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce; hurt; angst; anger; sadness; arguing; crying; mentions of therapy/counseling; violence; guns; injury; main character death; a violent Ghost

Please read Part 1 for my author notes for the beginning of this story if this is your first time here.

Had someone ask for a different alternate ending where another character dies so here it is :)

*This picks up from part 13 in italics*

The moment the video stopped, you locked eyes with Simon. Your puffy eyes made him internally broken, but his facial expression hadn't changed, and you didn't know if he was upset that you had gotten revenge for cheating on you... or if it was something else. You wanted to say that it meant nothing. That you were drunk and fucking mad at him... but you couldn't say shit with the tape still over your mouth.

"I have to say, she sounds.. so damn good. Doesn't she?" Jax teased as he asked everyone in the room. Even with Andrei not responding, since he was the one who had his tongue on you, Jax smiled at Simon like he had won or something, "How does it feel?" He walked and stood behind Simon as he leaned down so his face was almost next to his, looking at you, "Tell her." He demanded.

Simon's eyes never strayed away from yours as you continued to cry. The look on his face hadn't really changed, but his eyes told you exactly how he felt. The regret that ran through his soul.... he wished he could been a better man; a better husband. You didn't deserve any of this.. yet you stayed. You had wanted to work on your marriage even after the ugly truth came out. It was his fault, and he would forever kill himself over it. He would be grateful if you ever forgave him, promising to give you the entire world and more after he so much tore yours apart by cheating.

"I love you," he lowly said, making you cry even more. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart... for everythin'."

"Satisfying, isn't it?.. Finally realizing your mistakes?"

Simon finally tore his eyes away from you and looked at Jax, "Let her go."

He paused, acting as if he was thinking about something, "I thought about it," he teased, "but see... I can't do that. She's knows far too much... much more than our girl Williams," he joked - a terrible one that made both you and Simon shoot him the deadliest glare.

Jax stood up straight and walked over to you, cutting the ropes that freed you from the chair and snatching off the duct tape on your mouth. For a slight second, you almost thought he was going to let you go before he yanked you up by your hair to stand. A whimper left your mouth as the pain ran through you.

"Let her go," Simon told him again.

He chuckled deeply, "We're just getting started."

Suddenly, loud popping noises sounded from the other side of the door, making you jump. Jax - in a panic - swiftly snaked his arm around your neck in a headlock position, pulling you close to him as Andrei and the other guards rushed out of the door to go see what had happened. More gunshots rang out, almost deafening your ears. Simon continued to look at you, the chaos not even phasing him. At least on the outside... on the inside, he was worried. Half secretly thanking whatever god there was that Johnny saw the damn text, but half nervous about whose shots were going off.

Then there was an eerie silence that loomed over the room before heavy footsteps walked closer to the open door. There was more than one set, and you almost began to panic at who was going to walk in there until you saw Simon's friends.

"Let her go," Price commanded, his weapon pointed to Jax.

A menacing chuckle left Jax's mouth, "I will shoot her," he said, pushing the barrel of the gun against your temple, making you whimper.

"Let my wife go Jax," Simon said, making the man narrow his eyes at him.

"No," he growled, "You're going to suffer just like we did! All of you! I will kill every single one of you!"

"Then let's talk 'bout it," Johnny chimed in.

Jax threw his head back a little as he laughed, "Talk about it?.. we're done talking. Your nation should have talked about it four years ago! But now..... now you will pay," he quickly glanced at you, holding that evil smirk as always. He then pointed the gun at his own temple, throwing off the team.

It was hard for any of them to take a shot at him as he swayed you and his body in sporadic moments. Now, 141 were excellent soldiers; the best of the best, but they weren't going to risk taking a shot only for it to hit you instead of the target.

"Don't have a shot Cap," Kyle whispered.

"If you shoot me, she will die," Jax said as he leaned his head to be side by side with yours, "Your choice.... Cap'n."

Another beat went by as he continued to sway you so a shot couldn't be made. Simon and you looked at each other the entire time as he tried to free himself over and over again. But it was no use. He wanted to hold you; to take you away from there. Instead he felt his eyes water slightly and nervousness.

They all continued to try and get the man to lower his weapon, but the more they talked, the more aggravated he got. And the more he spoke, the more they realized who was behind all of it.

Makarov.

That alone made them even more worried.

You even begged him to let you go, but he shouted for you to shut the fuck up, making the men tighten their grips on their guns. He was getting tired of talking.

"Say goodbye to your wife..... Lieutenant" he teased as his arm wrapped harder around your neck.

Time slowed down. It was like you could feel Jax’s energy as his finger started to pull the trigger, and you suddenly felt……… free.

"I love you," you said to your husband before closing your eyes.

"No no no-" Simon barked before a single shot rang out in the room.

It was the last thing you heard. The last thing Simon said before all you saw was darkness. Jax had pulled the trigger, making the gun go off, piercing his temple. Because his head was aligned beside yours, the bullet wasted no time going straight through your head as well, instantly killing you both.

"NO!" Simon shouted as Price and Johnny rushed over to the fallen bodies of you and Jax while Kyle cut away at the ropes that freed Simon from the restraints.

The second he was able to stand up, he leaped out of the chair and all but pushed the other two men out of the way to kneel on the ground, hovering over your limp body.

"Wake up, sweetheart. Wake up. Wake up," he said as he checked for a pulse. Even though Johnny had already done that, he did it again. When he didn't find one, he should have stopped there; should have let you go. But no, he began pressing on your chest with his hands in an attempt to do CPR as if it was going to revive you somehow.

"Ghost," Johnny tried stopping him, but he wouldn't listen.

John tried pulling him away, "Simon-"

"No! She's not dead," he continued to do CPR on you. The lone tears that began to fall as he looked down at your lifeless body caused the men to look at each other in true sadness. They wanted to stop him, but even they felt the pain flow through their hearts at seeing you lay there on the cold floor.

“Please, god no. No,” Simon whispered when he finally gave up, pulling your body into his chest as he hugged you tightly, “I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin sorry, love.” He continued to hug you, thinking for some reason that hugging you would keep your body warm and safe, even in death.

Eventually, when the medics and police came, it was a whirlwind of chaos that engulfed everything from the prostitution ring upstairs to the crime scene in the basement. As your body was placed in the black bag and wheeled outside, Simon followed the coroners all the way until they loaded it into the back of the van. It was then that Simon felt like he could take a long and painful deep breath that still struggled to come out. It was like he had been punched in the lung with an iron fist.

"L.T.," Johnny said as he walked up to him, making him finally tear his eyes away from the van, "M'sorry."

He didn't say anything back as he looked at his comrade. He didn't even know if he could talk at that point. The only thing he could do was stare at the sergeant for a moment before giving a quick nod and walking off, leaving his friend behind looking at him with sorrowful eyes.

******************************************************

"How's your week going, Lieutenant?" the chaplain asked Simon.

He softly nodded as he rubbed his hands on his jeans, "Fine."

Fine.

It was the same word he used in almost every session he attended since your death. He knew it was going to be a requirement that he had to attend before he could go on any mission... especially one that involved finding Andrei - who escaped during the incident -, Makarov, or whoever else was involved. But it still didn't make it any easier. He was nothing of fine.

The night after the incident, he went home... home to the apartment, and he drank half a bottle of bourbon before he couldn't take it anymore; he trashed the entire fucking place. He was lucky the neighbors hadn't called the police on him. He was so amped up yet so exhausted that he passed out on the couch, only to wake up and see the damn mess he had made the next morning.

When Kyle came over to check on him that evening, he was beyond embarrassed at the state the place was in, but Kyle - just like the rest of 141 - knew he needed time to heal. So he helped him clean up everything before deciding he'd stay the night just to keep his friend company. The same cycle continued as Price, Johnny, and even Ava and her husband checked on him during the next month or so.

But when he eventually got cleared to head back to work after a few more months, Simon was out for pure blood. Blood that was meant for Andrei.

"Ready?" Price yelled, asking the team as they geared up to land in the drop zone of their next mission.

While Kyle and Johnny responded, Simon only nodded, focused on everything around him. They had been tracking intel for a couple of weeks before Laswell informed them they had a location on Andrei. And it was finally time to capture him.

The skilled soldiers descended onto the ground, their guns drawn as they made their way carefully into the building. One by one, guards were taken down silently, a few getting stabbed in their throats as Simon used his knives for more intimate kills.

But when they busted through the door, finding Andrei shocked and off guard, Simon couldn't help but feel a rush flow through him. His fingers tingled slightly, his heartbeat somewhat calmed down but sped up at the same time, and his feet moved faster than his mind could comprehend before he yanked Andrei up to his feet.

An evil smirk settled on his lips behind his hard-shell skull mask as his eyes narrowed at the shaken man, "Remember me?"

The look on Andrei's face was the complete opposite of what he had just half a year prior. That nonchalant look, the confidence like he won a prize cause he had been with you sexually, was all replaced with fear. Simon couldn't help but remember the video - that was now destroyed because he didn't want anyone to see his wife that way - and he felt a deep chuckle escape his throat.

"Tell me again.. how good did my wife sound?" he said in the most menacing tone that even 141 had never heard him sound like.

Andrei gulped, his eyes widening before Simon sent a forceful punch to his face, instantly knocking him out. The loud crunch of his jaw snapping was heard in the quiet room as his body went limp and fell to the ground.

************************************************************************

"Where's Makarov?" Price asked Andrei for the second time.

141 had taken Andrei to an unknown location - a building that was used to keep prisoners before they were taken by the CIA or other agencies. Andrei had been tied up the same way Simon was the night you died, and fuck was he enjoying it more than he should. The amount of punches that landed on Andrei's face from his fists would have had anyone else squirming at the sight. But none of the guys flinched when another cracking sound echoed in the room.

Simon sometimes wished he didn't have to be this way; violent. No doubt he had killed many men in his career, but it was always work. A quick shot from his sniper, a knife to the chest of an enemy. But this?.... this was different. Every time he punched him, he would see your dead body, the night he asked you to marry him, the tearful eyes from when you told him you wanted a divorce, the moment you told him you loved him before Jax pulled the trigger... all of it.

"He asked you a question," his deep voice grumbled as he leaned over to be face-to-face with Andrei.

His face was bloodied and bruised to the point that his eyes barely could open, and his lips were beyond swollen. But even then, he tried to smirk up at the men, "You might as well kill me. Nothing I say will get you closer to Makarov," he coughed, a little blood spilling from his mouth. Simon growled before hitting him once again in the nose. It had broken after the first punch, but he didn't give a shit.

After they all knew Andrei probably wouldn't say anything else, Simon left out of the room, pulling his bloodied skeleton gloves off his hands as he walked outside. He pulled out a box of cigarettes, taking one of them out, along with the lighter. He swore he would stop smoking a long time ago, and for a while, he did. For five years of your marriage, he hadn't smoked once. But he couldn't help but pick the habit back up after your death.

As he smoked, he glanced at the wedding ring on his finger. He refused to ever take it off. It was one of the many things that he kept to remind himself of you; of your love. He knew he would never love anyone again the way he did with you, and in that moment the only thing he cared about was avenging your death.

I thought I teared up on Simon's death in that other alternate ending but I think this one hurt a little bit more. Let me know what you all think about this ending :)

Taglist: @kalypsoox @fruitymoonbeams-blogz @kylies-love-letter @xrosegoldwolfx @linaaaaa654 @jessicab1991 @darkravenqueen98 @yazyazali @thychuvaluswife @chloeforde @cownini @ssc7514

[romaevelizz]

Venus ˖ ࣪⊹

Severus Snape x Wife!Reader

sum: Over 15 years together. Their love was never second guessed or had changed, but was destroyed by something bigger than them.

warnings: Angst, cursing, mentions of children(their parents), character death. not proofread.

“I’m tired Severus..”

His eyes looking up at the women, his wife. He knew she was tired that she wanted this all to be over. She wanted to feel safe, she wanted for their children to be safe. He wanted nothing more than to make that possible for them, for his girls. But life’s not as simple as taking his family far away from the dangers of hogwarts and The Dark Lord.

The Darkness of their private chambers surrounded them, the only light coming from the fire, he hated seeing her cry. Her gentle hands whipping away the tears that ran down her face, the golden ring on her left hand that glistens. A symbol of their love, their trust, their devotion. As Severus made his way close to her he reached out his hands, them cupping her face carefully.

His eyes watched her carefully, part of him wanting to hear her thoughts, but they were still, just like he taught her. She was tierd her dark features showing the circles under her eyes the wrinkle in her brow become more profound, she was washed out her warm undertone now cool. His thumbs gently brushed her tears away, his hands pulling her close to him. Severus placed soft kisses on her temple, “I’m so sorry my dear..” he whispered into her hair placing another kiss.

He wanted to go Home, he wanted to take his girls home away from her but he couldn’t. She couldn’t ask him either because she knew, she knew that this was asked of him. That’s this was expected of him. He held her close as close as he could.

She couldn’t stand how the students were getting treated how her children’s lives were threatened if Severus didn’t follow through with the plans. Yet as plans proceed, things became more dangerous. Dangerous to the point of war, “They can’t stay here, if war were to break out who knows what would become of the castle.” Her hushed tone argued with her husband.

“If our girls leave from his line of sight god knows what he’d do, they’re safest here.”

“Zhuriya can stay, she’s the one he’s most fascinated with yes? She strong and able to protect herself, she had already planed on fighting alongside her classmates if things were to happen.” She hissed, “But Sa’diya and Elani can’t, for gods sake Elani is mearly months old and Diya is 5.”

He shook his head “They’re Safest her, please. Please don’t take them or leave them with someone else.” He spoke his tone begging for her to trust him and to not do anything rash that could put her in danger let alone their babies.

Moments of peace weren’t common by any means but even in the dark of times he could feel at ease. The dark of the night the cries of the newborn could be heard, yes at first it can cause worry. Hushing his wife back to sleep he spotted his 5 year old curled against her mother, kissing her head he slipped out of bed to retrieve the youngest. Her soft cries nothing out of the ordinary, just her vocally sharing her discomfort and hunger.

He hummed picking the baby out of her crib, the hushed tone of his voice immediately calming her down. By no means was another child apart of their plan of the dark lords take over nor a new born at that, a new born that was a bit more difficult than their other two. “hmm hello sweet girl… what causes you such distress..” He cooed craddeling Elani in his arms.

As he walked into the living room there sat his eldest candle lit by her side and book in her lap, her body curled up on the couch as she read. “I was going to get her.” Zhuriya spoke her gaze not leaving her book.

He hummed “There’s no need, hoping i don’t have to wake your mother to feed her,” he paused for a moment whispering a quick spell lighting the fire place. “reasoning to why your not in bed?” he asked standing next to the arm of the couch she rested on.

“no classes tommorow, and simply couldn’t sleep.” she spoke her tone flat, just as his always was.

his brows frowned, Severus knew his eldest and knew she could sleep in any situation. She was having nightmares again, at least that’s what he called them, to her they were types of visions in a way showing her things in the future. Sometimes, actually almost all the time they came true even if they were just close calls. “You want to talk about it?”

She looked up slightly “Their just nightmares right?” shifting in her seat she closed her book and sat up “They don’t mean anything.” she finished placing her book down walking past him into the kitchen.

“Zhuriya..” He called them nightmares to comfort her in a way or at least tried to comfort her, but in the end these dreams were always right. He watched as his eldes daughter grabbed a bottle that just needed heating up, quick wave of her wand it was perfect.

“You can go back to be dad i got her.”

Severus took the bottle form her, “I have her, now please. Tell me what you’re seeing, your mind is to still to invade it.” he spoke his tone a bit teasing at the end.

Ushering her back to the living space they both sat down, Zhuri next to her Father as he fed the baby. She played with her fingers as she built up the courage to say something, she looked just like her mother when she worried. Her dark curls covering her face as she looked down, “The Elder Wand.” she spoke softly.His attention was on her, what about it? what about the elder wand kept her from sleeping?

When her gaze met his he saw her waterlines building with tears, “When Draco, well when you disarmed Dumbledore, the elder wand no longer belongs to him. The master you could say is the person who disarms the last holder..” she spoke her voice shaky, “Now The Dark Lord has it. But It will never truly fully obey him unless.”

“Unless I’m killed.” he finished for her. He watched her lip quiver as she nodded.

Severus pulled her close to him, baby still in arms. There wasn’t anything he could say to comfort her because with that simple explanation it was inevitable. “Shh, My sweet girl..”

“I saw That snake sink it teeth into you. He didn’t even spare you the suffering, god.” her she spoke in a muffled cry. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head his arm still holding her close.

“Zhuriya, Baby what’s wrong?” the worried voice of her mother causing them to look up. ‘Don’t tell her what you told me, please my dear i need her to rest easy..’

He felt her nod against him “Baby what’s the matter?” she asked again now closer bending down infront of their daughter.

“Just stress of school, wondering if Draco is safe..” She muttered. Y/n held her daughters face kissing her daughters cheeks softly. The two exchanged some words he kinda shut down, He’d die? No, he couldn’t not while he’s still active he couldn’t leave them, He couldn’t leave Y/n.

“Severus.. Sev baby?” Y/ns voice broke him out of his trace.

He hummed “Let’s go to bed.. Elani is out and Zhuri is going to head back to bed. I put Diya back in her bed but don’t be surprised if she’s in yours Z..” she hummed.

Zhuri shook her head a small smile tugging at her lips “She struggling to stay in her own bed?”

His wife nodded “She’s just at the age and with everything going on…”. Zhuri nodded“right.. Goodnight mama, night Daddy. I love you guys.” Zhuriya said before heading towards her room.

As she left to room His wife looked at him, “what was that?” she asked. She knew that her daughter had lied to her.

Severus shook his head as he approached her, his hands falling to the side of her arms. With a kiss to her temple he whispered “Tis nothing my love, let’s return to bed..” his works comforting as he hugged her and the baby in her arms. The hug lingered Severus closing his eyes tightly as he embraced her.

He spend every day since that night taking in as much as he could with him girls but knowing when he’d be taken from them. Showing them his love for them in affection he never really displayed, kissed to the temple, constant I love yous, hugs. Everything he could.

Y/n knew something was wrong but nobody would tell her, she was left in the darkness of his affection. How cruel of him to keep this but, he couldn’t just tell her, his wife that he’d die in days time. That soon it would be the last time he’d kiss her and embrace her, after years of being by her side. She’d lose her mind knowing that he’d die as some point and end up trying to prevent it.

Severus felt his heart stop when that moment the dark lord started explaining to him the reason of his wand now fully working for him was because of him. He knew that this was that moment. He knew that morning was the last time he’d see his girls and by gods they weren’t even fully happy. He wouldn’t get to see them happy again and it’s his fault.

“Promise me, by killing me you won’t touch them. You wont hurt my family.”

Laying on the cold ground, the taste of his own blood sickening to him. Potter was the first to find him, “Just hold on professor, please just hold on.” He spoke. Harry’s trembling hands left his throat as he got up.

“Y/n… i’m so sorry..” his voice soft as he cried out for his wife.

He would die here alone, maybe it was better that way. He could feel his heart to slow down, the difficulty of breathing becoming harder. He begun to close his eyes, just as he did, just as he was about to let himself take his last breath.

Her voice. “Severus! no! No, no, no..”

The cry of his name leaving her mouth. opening his eyes he saw her rushing towards him.

No, don’t do this. His heart begun to break watching as she fell to her knees her hands immediately falling to his wound. He couldn’t hear was she was saying her voice muffled as she could only watch her, his weak hand finding her face as she sobbed.

Her beautiful features covered in tears, dirt and blood. Even as distraught as she was she was still so beautiful, His heart heavy as she trembled her touch becoming shaken. With the strength he had left he brought her close to him, her hands never leaving their spot.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered.

Her heavy cries begging him not to leave yet. That she needed him, that his girls needed him still. Her hushed tones say that this wasn’t fair, “You’ve only ever done what’s asked of you..” she said lifting her head looking him in the eyes.

“They’ve done nothing but set you up for your own death. It’s not fair….” she cried her fire heat touching his, he felt her tears on his own face.

“You didn’t ask for this life..” he rasped , “This wasn’t the life i promised you… I love you so much.” he cried softly.

“you’ve done more that enough for me, for us.”

with a heavy breath she begun again “I couldn’t ask for anything more from you..” she could feel his touch become softer his hand falling from her.

In this moment was their love was destroyed by The man everyone feared.

She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t bear losing another one of her boys, the lose of their first and only son, her father and now him. the most important men in her life always dying off like this with her begging from them not to leave her. Them always calling out her name before she could save them.

She couldn’t lose him too, but perfect could keep this love alive his death was inevitable. wasn’t it. this was always the way he’d be taken from her. She couldn’t tell him how he couldn’t have lister her vetted that he was always the man she asked for. But in the end they were always ment to say goodbye.

Severus became cold to her touch. “Thank you.. Thank you for loving me, loving me better than anyone ever has.” he spoke, his breath horsed.

“I love you so, i love you so much Y/n.” He said his finally breath in play.

He could bear it, But in this moment was the best way he could’ve died, in her arms, her weight on him. With her his death could be peaceful. He wasn’t alone, she wouldn’t ever let him be alone. Not in their years of hogwarts, Not when his parents died, not when he first got his mark, not when he begun to close him self off, not now. He promised her no matter how long he’d have to wait, in every universe in every timeline he’d wait for her. Even if he died alone. Cause how could such a women be left by her self, how could he love another women as he did her?

Even in death he still looked so gorgeous, but god did looking at him make this harder. But she had to accept it she couldn’t save him, Not with out her taking her own life and even then who knew if it be sucssesful, She couldn’t leave her children orphans.

He was still holding on, she couldn’t imagine the pain he was in the sharp sting of venom in his body. “Fuck..” she cursed shaking her head.

“I know… I know it’s time for you to go.. it’s- It’s okay.” she cried softly, her permission letting him close his eyes.

Letting go gently she fell into his chest, his heart no longer beating. He was really gone. Covered in his blood she held on to him for a bit longer.

All severus as done was do was was told on him, he never did anything not asked of him. Dumbledore and Voldemort i’d be planing his death for years. For years the only light and care he’d experience was with his girls. Now he’s never see them again.

Even though he was.. well dead his brain wasn’t he could still feel her presents, hear her voice. surrounded by Darkness the last thing he heard was his eldest. Her blood curtailing scream, That was was last thing he had to remember hearing. His first daughter and his wife screaming his name, their cries together unbearable to his heart.

Just one last chance, that all he wanted, he couldn’t leave them.. he could put them through that pain. His heart ached.

“Severus…” His name was called out, Y/ns voice ringing trough his headspace.

“Severus, my love..”

He felt his eyes open, his body sitting up quickly his hand falling on to his chest quickly his hands touching his throat.

“Shhh, Shh it’s okay…” she hushed her hand falling or his chest and back, her body sitting up already.

His Eyes fell on her, her brows frowned, quickly he brought her into any embrace.. “Sev it’s okay.. It’s been over.. Your okay. You’re safe now you’re here with us.” she whispered her arms hugging him back.

“how long..”

“5 months..” she said.

He nodded him still holding her. Opening his eyes he notices the were in their private chambers at hogwarts. This bc had gone back to normal, he was at work again, he knew his two youngest were in their rooms sleeping soundly. His eldest away Exploring and studying in Russia.

Pulling back he looked as he in the eyes “Were safe, our girls are safe.” she reassured again.

“I know i just.. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything.” he spoke simply kissing her lips.

[devieuls]

ˋ Haunted . ☉

Qimir x Ex Jedi Fem Reader < SERIES >

Warning of the Serie: MDNI. Sith Lord Qimir x Fem ex Jedi Reader.

(during the series)

SMUT: Dirty Talk; Bites; fingering; Blood; Spit; Jealousy and Possessiveness; Foreplay; violence; Swearing; Teasing; Unprotected Sex; betrayal; oral sex; dacryphilia; outdoor sex; jealousy BDSM. Dom Qimir ANGST: toxic relationship, self-harm, derealization, suffering, Requited / Unrequited love, prejudices, bullying and insults. There will be flashbacks in this series

Aged characters: Qimir 35 y.o / You 22 y.o.

Synopsis: In a twisted web of light and darkness, two opposites are facing each other, dancing on a thin thread called fate. What happens when light and darkness dance on a wire called destiny, two eternal opposites that inevitably attract each other and create something perfectly powerful and chaotic to unite the power of two in one? The answer emerges in a journey of tension and attraction, where yin and yang discover that their opposition is nothing but a reflection of a deep and unexpected connection. This is the story of how destruction is akin to peace, how the moon one day decided to save the sun, how darkness is not so dark and evil so bad. A journey towards change and desire, where opposing forces merge into a future that no one could have predicted.

(Following some events of the series)

Lenght: 5.8k

Recommended song: here

TW: THE SERIES WILL BE FULL OF DELICATE TOPICS!

⇠ Previous chapter ✵ Next Chapter ⇢

· · ─────── · 𖥸 · ─────── · ·

⠀⠀⠀Chapter IX: Seeing you

“Let’s go home.” you hissed coldly, pulling up your hood that had fallen during the battle. You didn't even turn to give a final glance at Sol's body. You reached out and retrieved Mae's lightsaber, placing it at your side before walking toward the exit of that place, letting the flames consume the green lung of the temple, burning the last roots that still tied you to it, abandoning the memory that had returned to you of your old master.

Qimir lowered his gaze in silence, wiping a lonely tear that wrinkled his face, feeling your pain for you, following you out of that memory with your ex master, sensing that faint flame extinguishing within you.

He nodded before following you outside, using the Force suppression once again to cover both your tracks, especially yours, which had become stronger. More chaotic.

Your footsteps echoed on the lacquered floor of the temple, light yet firm, as if each step was a declaration of war against the world around you. Qimir walked behind you, silent, his mood palpable like an oppressive shadow. There was something different about him, something you had never felt so intensely before: a profound melancholy, almost tangible, as if the weight of shared memories had settled on him as well. The silence between you was almost deafening, broken only by the dull sound of your steps bouncing off the stone walls.

You had noticed that tear streaking down his face earlier. He had shed it in your place, while inside you, there was only apathy. Nothing but a merciless void, an absolute coldness devouring you from within. Your gaze was cold as you advanced through the temple corridors like a ghost wandering through the ruins of the past.

"Why so emotional?" you asked with a cynical voice, sharp like the blade of a knife. The gray smoke, caused by the fires you had unleashed, began filtering through the corridors, carrying with it the acrid scent of destruction. You kept walking, changing direction to avoid the wave of Jedi knights heading toward the Hall of a Thousand Fountains. "After all, he was my master, not yours." Every word was laced with an almost unnatural coldness. You couldn’t understand why Qimir was so troubled, so emotionally involved. He hadn’t killed Sol. You had. It was your sentence. "I don't understand why you have such a dark aura" you concluded without turning around, ignoring the murmurs of the Jedi calling out to gather as many people as possible to help save the hall.

You turned the corner, the faint light of the torches reflecting off the polished surfaces of the walls and floor, the once-sacred temple now reduced to a scene of ruin and betrayal. The carved columns and lush plants that adorned the corridor seemed more dead than alive under the oppressive veil of smoke. You stopped for a moment, breathing in the thick air, as Qimir’s voice reached your ears like a deep, distant whisper.

"It's because… I saw your memory." Those words hit you like a punch to the gut, stopping you in your tracks. The cold that enveloped you cracked, if only for an instant.

That flashback, that memory so private, a fragment of the past you wished you could erase forever, had now been seen by him. Your blood boiled within you, but your gaze remained empty as you turned to face him. You clenched your jaw, your hands balled into fists, and you looked at him with a menacing glare, full of a disappointment that scratched at your soul.

"You went into my mind?" Your tone was venomous, almost suffocated by disgust. It wasn’t just an invasion of your privacy; it was a wound reopening, your pain exposed, bare, vulnerable. To him. And that enraged you. Your voice, which had been steady just moments before, now trembled ever so slightly.

Qimir sighed, running a hand through his hair, his gaze fixed on you. He approached slowly, his imposing figure towering over you, yet without any threat, only understanding and presence. Not that he could have intimidated you in the state of mind you were in.

"No." His reply was simple, but loaded with sincerity. "I think the Force connected us."

A hollow, icy, ironic laugh escaped your lips, almost hysterical. It was ridiculous, a clumsy attempt to justify an act that couldn’t be justified. The Force? That same Force that now seemed foreign, distant to you? Your laugh died on your lips as you looked at him with disdain.

"Of course. obviously. The Force." you replied sarcastically, the acidity in your words palpable. You turned to continue walking, your steps quick and determined toward the exit. "It was just a stupid memory" you muttered, trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care anymore. But inside, something stirred, a thin wave of pain you tried to suppress. It was all that remained of you, the memory of who you once were.

But Qimir didn’t relent. His voice reached you like a warm caress, and it was almost unbearable to endure. The fact that he understood you more than you understood yourself, as if he were part of you and your mind was his.

"Y/N… I feel it. That action stirred something within you." His voice was softer now, almost fatherly, as if he were trying to reach the last fragment of you that could still be saved. His words echoed in your head like an annoying refrain. He didn’t want to let you go, and that hurt. A dull pain, smothered beneath layers of hate and anger. The cold inside you seemed to melt only to make way for an even greater void.

"It’s not like that." you replied, sharp as a blade. The emptiness inside you deepened, devouring everything that had once been warm, human. You didn’t want to listen to him, didn’t want to feel understood. You didn’t want to be saved.

Qimir fell behind, following you as your steps led you toward the temple’s exit. The corridors grew darker and narrower, the smell of smoke more intense. The columns adorned with ancient symbols seemed to weep, covered by the soot from the fire and the chaos you were leaving behind. The walls, decorated with Jedi tapestries, once symbols of serenity, now stood as witnesses to an impending end, consumed by the fire slowly devouring them from within, like a cancer.

You reached the exit, the cold wind hitting your face, carrying with it the scent of ash and ruin. The temple behind you was dying, like everything else inside you. And without turning back, you felt that something fundamental had broken forever. You paused for a moment, letting the saturated air fill your lungs.

You felt Qimir’s intense gaze on your back, like a blade piercing you without restraint, digging into your thoughts and being, an invisible weight that made you clench your jaw, your blood boiling beneath your skin. Compassion. The way he looked at you, filled with a compassion you neither sought nor wanted, made you clench your fists until it hurt. You couldn’t bear that silence laden with pity any longer. You stopped, your breathing heavier than expected, while the sound of your boots echoed in the empty temple.

You turned abruptly, a surge of anger shaking the air around you, facing him with a gaze that could burn.

"Are you going to keep doing that for long?" Your voice was sharp, a breath of venom that caught him by surprise. Qimir looked at you, confused, with that slight tilt of the head that betrayed his attempt to understand what was going through your mind. You stared at him with a mix of rage and defiance, your arms crossing over your chest, creating a barrier between you and him.

"Looking at me like I’m some orphan mourning the only parent she has left?" The words came out like a whip, harsh, cruel, spoken with such intensity that they could have hurt anyone. Your voice vibrated with a fury you tried to mask behind a wall of acidic sarcasm. You felt exposed, naked before him, and that emotion made you seethe even more.

Qimir remained impassive, his face serious, almost stoic, as he watched you without moving a muscle, unfazed. His gaze stayed fixed on you, but there was no anger in his eyes, only deep regret. Then, with placid calm, he approached slowly, his eyes penetrating yet serene.

"You weren’t ready." His words, though spoken gently, hit you like a truth you didn’t want to accept. His voice was calm and serious, as if he were merely stating a fact. That disarming calm made you clench your fists, feeling your nails dig into your palms.

Qimir had just passed you, his figure moving ahead with composure, as if your outburst hadn’t affected him at all. He walked with the same steady pace, heading toward the ship without looking back. You stood still for a moment, your gaze fixed on his retreating form, your breath quickening, while a storm raged inside you. His words echoed in your mind. "You weren’t ready." A wave of frustration hit you like a flood. How dare he? How dare he reduce everything to that simple phrase? You were no longer a child, no longer that insecure and vulnerable Padawan. You had done it. You had killed Sol.

You turned sharply, now following his steps, your breath sharp and quick, fueled by your rage, and every step you took seemed to pull you deeper into the abyss.

"I did it. And I succeeded. Because I was ready." Your words were charged with a desperate anger, defending your choice, your decision. But there was an echo of vulnerability beneath that anger you couldn’t hide.

Qimir stopped for a moment, his back straight, his presence solid and unshakable. His gaze darkened as he responded, still not fully turning to face you. And when his words finally came, they hurt more than you wanted to admit.

"And now look at you." His voice was colder now, like a blade piercing straight into your chest. "You don’t even seem like yourself anymore." Each word was a heavy judgment, pushing you deeper into an abyss you refused to recognize. "You needed time to think. To reflect, grow, and learn. To gradually let go of your Jedi side. Instead, you destroyed your own balance."

You stopped in your tracks, your muscles tense like cords about to snap, feeling your heart pounding furiously in your chest as if it were about to burst. Inside you, something broke, and the silence that followed was deafening. An unrelenting fury erupted within you, a force you could no longer contain. You clenched your fists once more, your breathing irregular as his words continued to tear you apart from the inside.

"I’m not a child." Your voice came out cold, sharp, but with a slight tremor that betrayed the emotional storm overtaking you. Qimir paused, turning slowly toward you, and his gaze, almost fatherly, pierced you once again. But this time, there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes, a disappointment that made you feel even more vulnerable, as if the ground beneath you were giving way, making you want to scream at him until it hurt.

"But you’re acting like one." His words were a dagger straight to your heart. Your breath caught, and for a moment you couldn’t find the words, but the rage inside you exploded like a volcano. The air grew heavier, and every fiber of your being silently screamed your pain.

Without thinking, you stepped forward with determined anger, pointing your finger on his chest with fierce intensity, as if you wanted to pierce him with your own hand. Your voice cracked between a scream and a sob you didn’t want to let out.

"You know nothing about me!" Your breath was ragged, your voice trembling with rage and pain, but he remained unmoved, as if he already knew what you were about to say. You stared at him with fierce intensity, the trembling in your hands becoming more evident with each passing moment.

Qimir stood motionless, his gaze filled with an almost painful calm, a level of understanding you couldn’t bear. His tone was measured, almost serene, as he replied in that warm voice you despised at that moment.

"I know enough," he said, his voice deep and loaded with unyielding calm, "to see that killing Sol killed a part of you. And I understand. You weren’t ready. If you had been, you wouldn’t have kept that memory." His voice wrapped around you, suffocating, making you feel smaller and smaller under the weight of a truth you didn’t want to accept. "Or you wouldn’t have taken his lightsaber, keeping it with Mae’s." Those words hit you like a whip, and your heart clenched in a knot of pain you could no longer unravel. He had seen. He had understood.

"I’m not a damn child!" you screamed, your voice cracked by emotion, almost hysterical. Your body trembled as you backed away from him, your breath labored and disordered. "I don’t need you to understand me," you continued, your voice desperate, while inside you, something seemed to piece back together only to shatter even harder. Tears began to fall, silently, without you even realizing it. An invisible torrent streamed down your face as your body wavered under the weight of everything you had repressed. "I don’t need words of comfort while you think I’m grieving over someone who killed my only family! I don’t care about Sol, I don’t care about killing him, I don’t care about any of it! I don’t care." Your words erupted like a storm, a tornado of emotions that had finally found their way out.

The silence that followed your words was deafening. Qimir looked at you, unmoving, and you could feel the weight of his gaze on you, a mixture of pain and understanding that drove you even crazier.

"And stop looking at me like that," you whispered, almost pleading, your voice now broken, fragile. Your heart was crumbling, piece by piece, as you desperately tried to maintain the wall around you, now shattered. "I said stop looking at me like that…" Your voice was almost unrecognizable.

The air felt as heavy as a ton of bricks around you, each breath a boulder crushing your chest. Qimir approached, slowly, as if walking on tiptoes through the minefield surrounding you. Each step he took seemed to amplify the chaos within you, the tornado of emotions ravaging everything you once were.

"And don’t come any closer, damn it." Your voice exploded hysterically, a desperate scream you could no longer hold back. A roar of pain masked by anger, a desperate warning you knew wouldn’t stop Qimir. Your heart pounded frenetically, almost painfully, as every muscle in your body tensed to the extreme, as if simply standing were an impossible task. Every thought, every emotion clashed with the other, making you feel like you were about to explode.

Every step he took, drawing nearer with an almost unbearable slowness, squeezed your heart tighter. Why wouldn’t he stop? Why did he insist on trying to break down the wall you were desperately building around yourself?

"I don’t need you. Or him. Or anyone else." The words spilled out of you, a mix of hatred and desolation. You were lying, but that lie seemed like the only thing that could give you a semblance of control in that moment. Each word was like a heavy stone thrown into the void, and you hoped it would make you feel stronger, more detached. But it didn’t work. "I don’t care about the Jedi, the Sith, or that Force nonsense." The last word left your lips like a hiss, your tone almost empty, as if all those emotions were already draining what was left of you. The fire inside you was dying, and all that remained was ash, a hollow emptiness consuming you from within.

Qimir paused for a few seconds, listening, his gaze fixed on you—understanding, but not patronizing. He allowed you to be who you were in that moment: fragile, broken, in pieces. He said nothing. His silence was devastating, as though he understood everything, as if he could see through your lies, through the wall you had built. He didn’t need to speak, because he knew your words, your anger, were just armor to hide the pain.

"I don’t care about anything…" you repeated, but this time your voice cracked, the tone less certain, less fierce. Did you really not care?

Qimir began moving again, slowly, ignoring your initial warning. And when he got close enough to brush against your skin, you didn’t push him away. He gently took your wrist, his touch disarming. The contact made you tremble, and before you could react, you found yourself wrapped in his embrace, a warmth you hadn’t remembered feeling in so long. That warmth shattered you completely. You cried. You cried into his chest, your sobs muffled by his protective embrace, and with each sob, the last barrier you had built to protect yourself began to crumble.

"I don’t need you." you sobbed, your voice now a whisper devoid of conviction.

"I know" he replied softly, gently stroking your head with a tenderness you had never wanted, but now seemed to desperately need. He let you break down, knowing that in that moment, no words could ease the pain consuming you.

"I don’t care that I killed him. It doesn’t matter, really, I don't" you repeated, almost as if trying to convince yourself, but deep down, even you knew those words were hollow.

"It’s okay, I know" he responded, his voice a safe refuge, a place where you could let go, if only for a moment. His answer was a comfort, but not a true response, just an echo of everything you had lost.

You clung to the edges of Qimir’s black tunic with such force that your nails dug into the fabric, as if in that desperate grasp you could find the stability you so deeply lacked within yourself. His chest was solid, warm, a fleeting shelter from the storm still raging in your heart. You could no longer hold back the tears; they flowed like a silent but devastating waterfall, as your face sank into the dark fabric. You felt his breath, deep and calm, like a distant melody trying to soothe the turmoil devouring your soul. And strangely, it began to work.

“It’s okay to let it out. He was someone you cared about.” His voice, a whisper in your hair, had the softness of a blanket wrapping around you on a freezing winter night. Qimir didn’t push you, didn’t judge you, but each of his words sank into you with an inescapable truth. And that gentle tone… it stirred something even more painful within you. Perhaps it was a memory of who you used to be or who you had wanted to become.

“He was no one.” Your voice, fragile and trembling, fought against the reality you so desperately tried to deny. But that denial was crumbling with each word you spoke. Sol wasn’t “no one.” His ghost still clung to you, you could feel him in the chaos swirling within, in the cold air around you, in the light breeze that stung your face as you tried to regain control. He had been everything: mentor, confidant, guide, father. And now, he was gone. And your soul felt empty, like an abandoned shell.

Qimir took a step back, but his words remained, cold and sharp, like knives slowly carving into your heart.

“You need to accept the truth, or what you did will never bring you any peace. You killed him, y/n. Because he killed your sister, didn’t he? And he was important. You did it, and you’ve severed yourself from him.”

Those words hit you with a devastating force. Like lightning, they tore through the silence you had built around your pain. Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt every muscle tense in a suffocating grip. You couldn’t deny it.

“You said you were ready. If you were really, you’d-”

“He was like a father…” The whisper that escaped your lips surprised you, cutting off his words. You hadn’t even been aware of wanting to say it, but there it was, alive, full of truth. Qimir watched you with unrelenting calm, and for the first time, there was no judgment in his gaze. There was understanding, but also a push, a need for you to face what you had been running from.

Qimir smiled, but it was not a kind smile; it was bitter, cruel in its awareness. “He was.” he confirmed, and you felt his breath slow, almost measured. He lifted your chin with two fingers, the touch firm yet strangely gentle. His eyes locked with yours, a dark mirror in which your suffering reflected, distorted. “And you killed him.”

Those words echoed in the emptiness around you. There was no more room for lies. Your tears kept falling, silent rivers, and your sobs grew weaker, stifled by the crushing realization tearing you apart. You did it. Qimir didn’t let go. Every word he spoke was another stone, adding weight to your burden.

You swallowed, your throat tightening like a noose. A tingling sensation crept to the tip of your nose, a familiar sign that more tears were on the way. You didn’t want to cry anymore, but the tears came anyway, silent, unstoppable.

“And I killed him…” Your voice was a broken sound, cracked by pain and awareness. The words fell heavy, like boulders shattering the oppressive silence of the room.

“Even though he was important and the last thing tying you to the Jedi.” He was forcing you to feel the weight of the truth, to confront every facet of your pain. You hated him for it, hated his unshakable calm, as if none of this affected him. But a deeper part of you, the part that couldn’t lie, knew he was right. You gritted your teeth, your face twisting into an expression of pain and suppressed rage. You wanted to hate him, to scream at him, but you couldn’t summon the strength. His calm infuriated you, yet there was something hypnotic in the way his voice softly slid into your thoughts, like a whisper sinking deep, dismantling every defense you’d built.

“Say it, y/n. You killed him even though he was like a father.” Qimir’s tone grew heavier, his words falling like stones into the silence, weighty and unavoidable. Every statement was a knife, cutting deeper into your soul, stripping away each layer of falsehood you’d built around yourself.

“Not for Mae, not because he abandoned you in Khofar. You did it to detach yourself from something that was never truly yours.” Qimir continued, relentless, but now there was a tenderness in his tone, as if he were guiding you through the darkness. His words were sharp, but the harshness from before was gone; he seemed to be leading you toward some essential truth, toward a revelation. His eyes followed every shift in your expression, observing, measuring your reactions, while his hand remained steady, your wrist still trembling in his grasp.

Anger flared up again, like fire igniting beneath your skin. Your fists clenched, but you couldn’t find the words. Every time you wanted to shout, his voice would cut through, digging deeper, exposing everything you’d always tried to hide. Each of his words left you feeling naked before him, vulnerable.

“It’s not like that…” you whispered weakly, your voice tinged with anger, frustration, but mostly fear. Fear of admitting that perhaps Qimir was right. “I was a Jedi.” Your voice came out with force, as if speaking the words could make them true. But you knew it was just a defense, an illusion you were trying to build to shield yourself from the truths he was slowly unraveling.

“No. You never were.” Qimir’s voice was firm, without a hint of hesitation. “Kind. You said that to Sol, only to please him. You never truly wanted to be a Jedi. You never felt like one, and that’s why you gave it up. That’s why you left. You only found someone who, for the first time, seemed to see you, only you. Not Mae.”

His words pierced you like poisoned arrows, making you tremble with both rage and pain. You clenched your jaw, tears continuing to stream down your face, burning like acid. You desperately tried to pull away from him, to break the contact that made you feel so vulnerable. But he didn’t budge, his grip firm and secure like a vice.

“You never really cared for Mae. Sure, you mourned her death. But you’ve always envied her. Hated her… because your mothers always seemed to prefer her. She, who was always ahead of you, better, more attuned to the Force” he continued, his tone sweet like bitter honey. His words were a punch to the gut, an uncomfortable truth that had tormented you your whole life, a shadow you could never dispel.

“Enough…” you whispered, your voice broken, a stifled scream that you couldn’t release. You could no longer bear that pain, that cruelty masked as kindness.

“Did you really want to be ‘kind’?” he asked, his gaze piercing, cold yet sweet at the same time. He seemed almost curious, as if trying to gauge how far he could push you. “How could you truly believe you could become that, if deep down… you wanted Mae to die. To be truly dead. You knew she wasn’t when you were still a child, but you liked the idea.”

“It’s not like that…” you protested, your voice trembling, a thin thread of anger and despair fading with every word. You tried to deny it, to defend yourself, but his words seeped through your defenses like water dripping into a crack.

“But Sol saw you, didn’t he? He chose you over Mae; for the first time, you were the one. And you liked it. That’s why you left Brendok without looking for her corpse, that’s why you said you wanted to be ‘kind’; you knew the Jedi Masters would have rejected you if you had truly answered. Y/n, you could never have been a Jedi if you had responded honestly. You’ve always been consumed by jealousy, anger, fear… by the darkness.”

His voice was low and warm, almost a whisper, but each word was a blow that sank you deeper into the abyss. Every sentence he spoke opened a wound you thought was closed, and now it was bleeding, a sharp and dull pain that clouded your senses.

“Stop, please…” you moaned, your body trembling, your hands clutching him, searching for a foothold, an anchor in that ocean of confusion and despair, feeling vulnerable.

“Yes, it is. What would you have really answered Sol that day if his gaze hadn’t pleaded with you to respond as he wanted? Who did you want to become? Who did you really want to become, y/n?” His voice turned hard, imperative, and his gaze pierced you like a blade. It was as if he were forcing you to look within yourself alongside him, to dig deep to find the answer you had always feared.

“I… I don’t know” you whispered, panic engulfing your mind. You felt the world collapsing around you, everything you believed yourself to be disintegrating under the weight of his words. Your hands trembled, your body rigid like a taut string, and your eyes darted frantically around, searching for an escape, something to cling to.

“You know… say it, y/n. That day you cried, you lied to be accepted. To fit in. Say it, what did you really want?” he insisted, his tone softening yet becoming more dangerous. Your glassy eyes locked onto him, and you felt your mind emptying. A distant echo reverberated in your head, the truth surfacing from the darkness where you had imprisoned it.

“To be truly myself…be accepted.” you finally whispered, the words almost inaudible, devoid of life, as the weight of that revelation crushed your soul. The truth had emerged, bare and simple. Qimir nodded slowly, his expression cold yet understanding.

“Exactly. And who are you really?” Qimir continued, not loosening his grip, his voice growing warmer as if he wanted to guide you out of that darkness. Each of his words was a step toward liberation, a painful yet necessary path. You could no longer hide, not from him, not from yourself. You were collapsing, yet at the same time, you were reconstructing yourself, piece by piece.

“I am me…” you murmured, the words slowly unrolling with a newfound awareness as you lowered your gaze to your hands. You breathed more slowly now, your chest rising and falling in a more regular rhythm as a sense of peace began to break through within you, a strange and unexpected calm.

“You are darkness, y/n. You are anger, frustration, envy, disgust, desire. You are freedom, confusion, chaos, strength. You are yourself. You killed Sol to kill yourself. Not him, but the false, unhappy person you’ve always been. Living a life that never felt like your own.” His voice was warm and enveloping, and as he spoke, his fingers caressed your cheeks, wiping away the tears that continued to flow. Every gesture was delicate, almost loving, as if he were trying to soothe the pain he had just inflicted. You felt his strength, his presence, and that sensation of warmth filled you, sweeping away the coldness that had surrounded you.

“I wanted to be free.” you finally asserted, your tone stronger, more certain, as you looked into his eyes and saw your liberation reflected there. His smile softened, and his eyes sparkled with a new light as he pulled you closer, resting your head against his chest. “I am free…” you murmured, closing your eyes. The warmth of his embrace was a refuge, and for the first time in a long while, you felt a profound peace spreading within you, banishing the shadows that had accompanied you for so long. You could feel his hand moving through your hair, his breath gently rocking you, and in that moment, you allowed yourself to truly feel.

“My good girl…” he whispered, his voice vibrating with a tenderness that wrapped around you like a warm blanket. “How could you face a world that wouldn’t accept who you truly are, if not by pretending?” You closed your eyes, surrendering to that feeling of peace, of freedom, that you had never experienced before. Your mind emptied, your emotions settled, and for the first time in as long as you could remember, you truly felt… yourself.

“Now do you understand? You never belonged to that world, you never embraced your darkness, and you became weak” Qimir whispered, his voice like a gentle caress to your mind, penetrating your despair like a dense shadow spreading across a gloomy sky. You turned to look at him; he gazed at you with an unshakeable calm, his deep eyes full of a strength that seemed to pull you into an abyss from which there was no escape.

“I see you, y/n. I’ve always seen you. And I know this is the right path you should have walked all along. Mae… she didn’t have what you have” he continued, his warm hand resting on your face, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips, drawing a line of fire across your skin. You felt your heart race, a mix of anger and desire swirling within you.

Your gaze dropped, trying to escape the weight of his words, but Qimir’s hand gently moved under your chin, lifting it firmly, forcing you to look at him again.

“You’ve been… cruel” you whispered, your voice a thin thread, broken and fragile like shattered glass. He smiled softly, a smile that sent shivers down your spine, laden with a twisted sweetness that seemed to touch the deepest chords of your soul.

“You would have remained trapped in a loop of self-deception, never accepting your true self,” he murmured, his fingers softly caressing your cheeks now. “Now you’re like me. You’ve lost everything, you’ve hit You have touched the rock bottom, and you’re free to be. To exist as you truly are.” His voice was a hypnotic whisper, weaving into your mind, making you feel both vulnerable and powerful at the same time. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the turmoil inside you, then sighed deeply and nodded faintly.

Then, without warning, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you toward the still-burning temple, the dying flames illuminating the structure. “You died. There. Today. Alongside your master.” he said, leaning toward you, his warm breath brushing your ear, making you tremble. “And you have been reborn. Stronger. You could have everything, if only you would let yourself be guided.” His words were a dangerous mix that slipped inside you, sowing confusion and desire. You slowly turned your head, your gaze lost in his, and for a moment it seemed as if the world had stopped. His closeness was both suffocating and reassuring, his warmth enveloping you, and you felt yourself falling, falling for him, into that darkness that had always been there, waiting for you.

“You want me to become your apprentice,” you murmured in a thin voice, a bitter sarcasm masking your fear and hesitation.

“I want you to become my pupil. My acolyte” he replied, his voice dropping lower and deeper, almost a low growl that resonated in your chest. His eyes scrutinized you with an intensity that took your breath away, as if he wanted to see every thought, every hidden emotion inside you. “I still want to be completely yours, but let me help you blossom… We could have everything, y/n.”

His gaze was hypnotic, a living flame drawing you in closer. You looked down, your breath becoming heavy and irregular. You felt lost, trapped between the desire to escape again and the urge to surrender completely to him. Slowly, you turned, raising your eyes to meet his, your heart racing as you approached. And then, without thinking, your lips pressed against his.

The contact was like an electric shock coursing through your body, a fire igniting within you, burning away every uncertainty. His lips were warm and strong against yours, and for a moment, the world ceased to exist. Your hand moved instinctively, seeking the hilt of his lightsaber, the cold metal fitting perfectly in your palm. You gripped it firmly, feeling the power it contained, like a heartbeat resonating in sync with yours. Qimir didn’t pull away. Instead, his hands moved slowly, gently but decisively, settling over yours, enveloping it with a possessive grip. His thumb caressed your skin, while his tongue brushed against yours, inviting you to join him in a dance of desire and power. You felt his warm breath mixing with yours, his body pressing against yours, as the kiss deepened, became more intense. Each movement of his lips was a promise, a whispered secret that made you tremble with longing.

And in that moment, as the world seemed to burn around you, as the temple crumbled like the past you had left behind, you understood that this was how it was meant to be. That he would be your master, your guide, the one who would protect you. That you would follow that darkness, embrace the power flowing through your veins.

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TAGLIST: @neteyamtanhi @blossomedfloweroflove @muffledgorillaviolence @princessakirika

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Notes :

I missed a little bit of dark Qimir. this man is so bipolar fr fr.

Anyway, I’m still stuck at the front chapter, I read it in loop. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know

-Mel

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[wildfandom]

put me in a shitty blonde wig and call me jeanvic

[lesamis]

🐳

growing up is like. on a wednesday evening you suddenly understand that sometimes ppl who are bright and curious and full of love for the world go through sth so painful that they withdraw forever and they never get better and they may very possibly never be as well they wish they were again. and you have a cry about it alone at your desk. and then you literally just start cooking dinner

[fairy-angel222]

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐅 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

—in which toji is constantly fucking women and disturbing your peace. your complaints lead to you becoming one of them.

pairing: toji fushiguro x fem! college reader

cw: smut, breeding, daddy kink, size kink, age gap, toji being a cocky prick, unsafe sex, ass slapping, mentions of cervix touching

Ever since you heard about your next door neighbor Mr. Fushiguro going through a divorce, things have been hell. For you.

From the day he first moved into the apartment, constantly arguing on the phone with his ex wife about whose turn it was to watch his son, Megumi.

When Megumi is over, everything’s quiet, and you finally get a chance to rest your head and relax in peace. Doing some studying and cleaning in the quiet atmosphere.

You wished the black haired boy would stay for just a day longer, because Toji is back to his usual self hours later. Bringing in young college girls one after the other. Fucking them hard against his headboard as they let out loud cries of daddy. It was annoying. You could even stay inside anymore to get work done.

At every hour of the day he seemed to be active, fucking through all sorts of women, the shaking of your thin bedroom wall never coming to an end as high pitched moans echoed through.

It was getting to the point where you couldn’t take it. You were so fed up. Didn’t he ever get tired? Tired of promising these young desperate girls to call them back only to throw away their numbers and fuck their friends the next day.

Weeks go by and nothing changes, Megumi coming over for a silent three days then leaving again. Giving his father enough time to fuck any feelings for his ex wife out of his system.

You swore you couldn’t take it, you had barely been able to study, occasionally spending an hour or two in a nearby café between classes. When you noticed your grades slipping, your eyes having prominent bags at the lack of sleep, you groan loudly in frustration. Finding your legs moving before you could even process it.

Your fist raising to knock on the man’s door once, then twice, with no answer. You huffed, going in to knock a third time before the door swung open. A tall, muscular man towering over you with a scowl. “What?”

Your eyes widened as you scanned over his body, his perfectly sculpted face, broad shoulders, defined abs, and the very distinct outline in his sweats.

The man cleared his throat, a smirk gracing his face when he startled you out of your intense drooling. “Now, what do we have here?” he chuckled deeply, tilting his head to the side with crossed arms as he rested against the door’s frame. “Here to get your turn doll?”

You gulped, finding it harder to spit out your words as the Fushiguro man stared you down. “I.. I’m here to ask you to keep the noise down, some people have actual work to do.”

Toji whistled, “Oh? A bold one huh? I like it,” His hand reaching under your chin to make you look fully up at him. “you’re a pretty little thing you know,” he spoke, running his thumb along your bottom lip, “wonder what you’d look like ruined underneath me.”

You ignored the flutter that went off in your pussy, clenching your thighs discreetly as you glared. “Just keep the noise down okay old man? I'm trying to study.”

Toji could feel his cock grow harder, you were just what he needed. “So i’m an old man now? That’s a first, usually girls like you just call me daddy.” he shrugged, “but it’s okay, you’ll get there.”

You rolled your eyes as you walked away from him, annoyance written all over your face to mask the arousal swirling in your stomach. He’d probably fucked the entire neighborhood by now, including the campus, so you weren’t gonna fall for his sick charms. You just hoped he complied and kept the place quiet, you didn’t need that usual noise the day before your big test.

Toji had surprisingly did as you asked, and you sighed in content as you read through the pages of your notes. Your pen in your hand finding itself in between your teeth as you bit down softly. You got what you wanted, so why was your mind running wild with thoughts of the Fushiguro man’s hands on your body as he fucked you like all of those other girls.

You shifted in your seat, one leg over the other to bring stimulation to your needy clit making you whimper softly. You couldn’t let yourself give in.

Another week passed and you once again found yourself in the same noisy predicament. Your mind couldn’t help but wander to the man more than twice your age. Way too old for you yet just so.. hot. Toji Fushiguro had become your fantasy.

And it was unbearable.

Hearing all these moans day and night. Hearing Toji’s loud grunts and groans as he no doubt left them with the best fuck of their lives.

It was Thursday, and Megumi would be coming tomorrow per routine, so you’d finally get a break then. But, you couldn’t deny the fact that you wanted an excuse to go over there. Your face serious as you banged on his door.

You waited a minute, a shirtless Toji emerging into the door frame as it flew open. Toji smirked, “Ah, you again.” His sweatpants hung dangerously low beneath the start of his v line, black hair messy as his tongue darted out to swipe across his lips. “Finally came to your senses?”

His last fuck had left right before you came, coincidentally of course.

“N-no.” you objected sternly. “I’m here to ask you again to just be.. what are yo-“

You swallowed hard when he began stalking towards you, a sinister grin on his face as you were backed up against a wall. His breath fanned your head as he bent his neck. Hands on the walls near each side of your face. “Your face says otherwise, doll.”

“No it d-doesn’t.. you’re just a cocky old man preventing me from getting things done.”

Toji’s brow raised with a deep hearty chuckle, “Back to that nickname i see,” His hand grabbing hold of your cheeks and squeezing them together. “Gonna have to clean that mouth of yours, teach you how to be a good girl.”

You whimpered lowly, feeling wetness pool between your legs as you looked up through your lashes. Toji’s eyes trailing to your glossy lips as he inhaled sharply. “Don’t worry, this dirty old man’s lips are clean”

Pressing his lips roughly to yours, your eyes widening as you gripped the edge of your skirt with a moan. Toji smirked against your lips, his hands hooking beneath your legs as he lifted you up. Your frame so much smaller in comparison to his larger one.

Toji was quick to bring you inside. And you found yourself sitting on the man’s lap, your skirt bunched up at your hips as he hammered up into your wet cunt with brute force. His hands kneading into the flesh of your ass each time you ground your hips onto him.

You let out a loud mewl, his thick cock stretching you out and grazing against your gummy walls as he fucked you deep. Feeling him within your stomach when you cried out. “Fushiguro-san— ah, so- ngh g-ood.”

“That’s not my name doll, try again.” he growled deeply, landing his palm onto your ass in a hard slap. And you whimpered tearfully at the sting. “T-toji—” Another harsh smack burning through your flesh making you let out a cry. “Last chance.”

You moaned loudly, your back arching as Toji slammed into you. “D-daddy, ahh daddy, o-oh fuckk—,”

Toji hummed in satisfaction, “Look at you, thought i was a dirty old man hmm?” His teeth biting softly at the delicate skin of your neck, his pelvis hitting your red puffy folds relentlessly. “Moaning for me like a little slut, so fucking pretty.”

You let out a shaky cry, “Haah— F-fushiguro-san,” Your pussy clenched down on his girth, his rough hand making its way around your throat, squeezing the sides and forcing you to look at him. “Not gonna fucking tell you again.”

You mewled, “‘M sorry— nngh,” Your back arching when Toji bullied his cock deeper into you.

“Still waiting doll.” he grunted, eyes dark as his grip on your throat tightened, your moans and whimpers loud as his thighs noisily met your sticky cunt. “D-addy— ahh- so good,” you cried, feeling his angry tip forcing its way to your cervix, kissing the entrance with each harsh thrust.

“Good fucking girl, you’re getting there” he grinned with a groan. A creamy ring formed around the base of his cock, your pussy gushing messily onto him as loud squelching sounds filled the room. “Pussy’s so fucking tight— better be on the pill cause i’m botta cum in that pretty pussy, shit.”

“Ah— nngh daddy, ‘m close- gonna cum.” you whimpered, your eyes rolling back and your lips parting in a string of incoherent babbles, Toji’s thrusts sloppy as he groaned.

“Gonna cum on this old man’s dick yeah?” He teased cockily, “Had so much talk for someone who’s falling apart on my cock.” Toji grunted, “Bet ya sat there listening like a lil perv, your hand down your panties hmm?”

You shook your head no with a cry, “Uh uh- ahh— wasn’t.”

“Sure about that? Sure you didn’t sit there and fantasize about me fucking you like a little slut?” His hand reached down to rub at your clit, a loud moan escaping your mouth.

Your breathing sped up as you felt a coil buildup in your stomach. Your body shaking with pure ecstasy. You let out a high pitched scream, the stimulation to your g spot making your head go fuzzy. Vision turning white as you clenched down tightly on Toji’s cock.

“O-oh fuck— ‘m cumming— ah, cumming daddy.” Toji’s hand pressed down harder on your throat, the pressure restricting your air flow making you let out a choked mewl. Tears welling in your eyes as his heavy balls smacked against your ass.

“Nngh—” The ring of white thickened at his base as you let out whiny cries. Toji’s hand working small circles on the sensitive bud before he brought his lips to your ear. His voice deep and gruff as he groaned. “Fuck doll- squeezing me so tight, come on and scream for me.” He breathed, “make a mess on my cock.”

Toji’s mean pace became too much, a tight pull in your stomach as your mouth fell open, legs trembling with loud cries as an unfamiliar feeling washed over you.

It was heavenly, your brain going dumb and your pupils disappearing behind heavy lids as you screamed loudly, head falling back and nails digging into his shoulders as you fell off the edge.

Toji never slowing the movement of his hips, still hammering up into you despite the mess you were making on his thighs. Your pussy spraying streams after streams of clear liquid as you arched your hips, grinding back and forth to ride out your squirting orgasm.

“Even fucking louder than any of my previous fucks.” he laughed, “Wonder what the neighbors would say, went from being a whiny little bitch to being the same thing you complained about.”

You let out a whine, Toji flipping you abruptly onto your back, his hand still around your neck as the position allowing him to hit even deeper. “Fuck,” he grunted, his words in between each thrust. “gonna fucking breed that pussy so deep.” Letting out a low groan at the last thrust, his lips meeting yours in a sloppy kiss as he bottomed out.

A whimper fell past your lips into his when you felt him fill you up, his cum shooting in hot thick spurts along the walls of your cunt.

He smirked as he pulled away, watching you pant heavily. “Would make such a good breeding bunny.” Dipping his fingers past your lips and resting them on the back of your tongue. “Might have to keep you around, can’t be disturbed if you’re the one making the noise now can you?”

You shook your head tiredly, forcing your eyes to stay open as Toji pulled out of you. His sticky cum seeping out of your fluttering pussy slowly. Your brain was still so clouded, blinking in and out of blurry vision.

Toji hid the smile threatening to creep up onto his face, his face neutral as he plopped down onto the couch next to you. “Rest if you need to, then leave.” He said nonchalantly, trying to seem like his usual self despite the fact that he had not kicked you out yet. Which was something he never did, let a girl stay any longer than a second after sex.

The man would never admit it, but there was just something about you.

He wanted to make you his pretty little doll.