#hal is just too op for something like that to work

[kiseiakhun]

Anyway, I think the worst thing Geoff Johns did to Hal's character is that he just made him boring. The fun thing about Hal is that he's the worst man to walk the earth. He's a trainwreck in the making. Every day he wakes up and thinks nothing and makes 20 awful decisions and messes up everything and goes to sleep content in a job well done and it's great. Hal is the Worst Man Ever™. He's a donkey in human form. By all means his personality and skillset makes him the perfect supervillain but he's a hero and he's imperfect and he claws himself back from the brink long after most people would've given up because that's who he is. That's at the core of his character. Even when he's below rock bottom, he never gives up, and god does he hit it, over and over again.

Johns just... erased all that complexity by making Hal the bestest greatest most precious lanterny lantern ever. Suddenly everyone loves him and treats parallax as just a 'hehe! Whoops!' and it sucks because if you take away the fact that Hal is a garbage human being he's just BORING. He's just a boring stereotypical stoic superhero. Who wants to read that! Who wants to read about Universe's Best Most Precious Greatest Man Gets Praised And Solves Every Problem And Is Never Wrong. Like at least when batman does it they try to give us a detective story. Usually it's not a good detective story but they at least try. Hal doesn't need to do detectiving. He can solve pretty much anything with the ring on his finger. He's invulnerable and powerful and perfect and let's be real, at this point he barely has a secret identity. There's nothing adding stakes to the story, not when Hal the best boy is here.

It's so fucking boring!! It's genuinely an injustice to his character. Hal's much more interesting when he makes every single bad decision, ever, and then has to dig himself out of the hole that he dug. That's someone I can root for. That's a character I can develop complex feelings about. If you just hand me the perfect being in creation I feel nothing. I'm already bored.

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

World’s Finest #21 - Another good issue, did not see the Gog reveal coming. I have not read his JSA appearance so having everyone bow down before him on Earth 22 was a shock. How long has he been running the show there? There’s a big risk here because Waid has said while Supes and Bats can’t change what is to come, they are going to have an impact. My fear is that Waid is going to retcon all of KC to have been Gog’s influence which I am not a fan of. My hope is that the impact is Clark and Bruce will either manage to get through somewhat to Magog, which is why he surrenders so easily after Kansas gets nuked in KC or we will see Clark and Bruce be the reason that some of the heroes survived the nuke at the end of KC. Amused me that Waid got to kill Ma and Pa on one Earth at least, I’d like to know if they died before or after Clark became Superman.

JLvGvK #2 - A step up from the first issue in that there was more monster fighting this time. Shazam is a total dumbass here, no Wisdom of Solomon for this guy. That ending page of course is all over the Internet and it helped clarify something for me. People bitch about Superman being “OP” but they don’t actually care about that. When he wins a fight they call him boring, but when he loses a fight? They laugh and say he sucks, and that X could have won that (X being Goku or Batman or whoever). What people are actually obsessing over is the idea that Supes is stronger than their faves and could beat them in a fight. Hence why they always bitch when Supes wins and always crow when Supes loses. It’s something DC has never realized, pandering to these people by nerfing Supes or having him lose never works because they just hate him period and will never switch to supporting him.

Superman #8 - Nice that Conner gets some good moments here. With how Lex heavy the run has been it’s past time he got to interact with the Luthor family more. Still hoping for a Conner/Lena scene what with them both being Lex’s “creations”. Not sure about the Chained, there’s some potential here but honestly he feels like a better foe for Conner than Clark.

Nightwing #108 - I’m bored and dropping the book. Without Redondo around the mediocrity of the writing is not something I can overlook anymore.

GL: WJ #3 - Adored that scene with John and his mother. Stewart is usually stoic so it’s nice to see him be emotionally vulnerable about his mom’s condition and how he has to leave her. Another nice detail: everyone hyping Stewart up. Reminiscent of Frodo and Galadriel in LOTR, if Stewart doesn’t find a way to save the day no one will. John has always struggled to step out of another person’s shadow, usually Hal, but it’s an interesting twist on the formula to make the person he has to live up to be himself. Another John Stewart became his universe’s greatest hero - can our John match his feats? Because he has to in order to win.

Wonder Woman #3 - A fakeout or the reveal of Lizzie’s biological mother? Leaning towards fakeout or at least it being more complicated than Diana simply adopting Emelie’s kid. Jon and Damian are biological kids, and Lizzie is supposed to “complete” that Trinity. Face facts: bio kids get valued more by both DC and the world at large, it’s why Jon has persisted despite being a disaster while Chris was erased, why Damian has risen in prominence while Tim has withered. A theory: Emelie’s daughter dies/is stillborn, but Diana sculpts clay and reincarnates the baby’s soul into Lizzie, just like her own mother did. Maybe she adds her blood to the process too for magical reasons, meaning Lizzie is of Diana’s blood. Or it’s all a giant fake out, we’re only three issues in after all.

Incredible Hulk #6 - My favorite transformation sequence outside of Immortal Hulk is here. PKJ said he viewed his Hulk as the Green Scar/Worldbreaker Hulk, but I feel like the Guilt Hulk is a better fit. He hates Bruce and wants him dead, torments Bruce mercilessly, and is out to punish Bruce for his sins. Like how Ewing revamped the nature of Devil Hulk while still maintaining how protective Devil was of Bruce and how he wanted to destroy the world, Guilt Hulk feels like a better fit here for what PKJ is doing.

[haldenlith]

Ramen Mix-up

Just a silly scene in my head. Enjoy.

Hal and Crow sat down at the ramen stall.

“Yeah, Hal’s worst enemy is also gravity, Crow. So, don’t feel too bad.” Crow snickered, leaning on the counter. Hal swatted at Ghost.

“I’d rather you not tell people about that, okay?”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Crow just stood there and wondered how Ogres fire from their eyes... and promptly died to their eye laser.” Crow blinked, whipping his head around to glare at Glint.

“GLINT!”

“Logging your new sensitivity to past battles.”

“Oh my... This? Again?!”

Hal shook his head, smiling, and turned his attention to the cook that walked up to the counter.

“The usual for you boys?” Hal gave a nod. Ghost chirped.

“Sorry about the commotion. I can imagine it doesn’t help your business.” The cook chuckled, waving a hand.

“It’s fine. You’re both actually fairly tame. Some Hunters that come through are pretty rowdy.” He turned, grabbing them their drinks, before heading off to cook. Hal turned his attention back to Crow, who was still arguing with Glint.

“No, we are not starting the “unlogging versus anti-logging” thing again. Anti-logging is NOT A THING, and unlogging IS a thing, and you need to do it with that last entry!”

“... Anti-logging.” Crow took a deep breath, letting out in a very exasperated sigh. Hal chuckled softly, only to get a small glare out of Crow.

“ANYWAY, other than falling backwards off of cliffs, how have you been? We haven’t seen much of each other lately, outside of being on comms during ops, and that... doesn’t exactly count.”

“Zavala working you to the bone, huh?”

“Not... really,” Crow muttered. Hal gave Crow’s shoulder a light punch.

“Don’t overdo it. You’re doing fine.” He paused, pouting a little. “... I do kind of miss your jokes, though.” Oh, he missed something, huh? Crow smirked and set his chin in an upturned palm.

“Hmm, so you miss me when I’m not on comms, huh?” Hal stiffened, a small blush beginning to bloom on his cheeks.

“That’s... that’s not what I said!”

“I don’t know, that’s what it sounded like.” Hal got more flustered at Crow’s teasing insistence, before spying Ikora walking up to her usual spot by the balcony. There was his out, for now.

“Th-there’s Ikora, I need to talk to her,” Hal stammered out before running off to talk to Ikora. Glint bobbed up and down, turning to watch Hal leave.

“Aaaand there he goes. You’re awful, Crow.” The man snorted in reply to his Ghost.

“It’s fine. If he had a problem, I’m pretty sure he’d have punched me. Besides... it’s...” He paused. “It’s kind of cute,” he muttered. “Anyway, he’ll be back. He never abandons food.” Glint chirped.

“... Logging your crush on The Guardian.”

“Glint...” Crow growled.

“I’m kidding. Oh, there’s your food!” Crow turned to see the cook coming to set a bowl down in front of Crow. He then left to grab the other.

“You know, I’m starving. I’m not waiting.” Glint floated close to the bowl, examining the ramen.

“Crow... I don’t think that’s yours.”

“Of course it is. The guy set it in front of me. I think he’d know which bowl is which.”

“I don’t know, I see extra meat and eggs. Hal always orders-” Crow didn’t let Glint finish, going ahead and taking a bite after blowing on it a bit. “... extra meat and eggs.” Glint floated up close to Crow’s face. “And he orders it extra extra spicy.”

“Glint, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure it’s mine. I don’t taste any spice to it any... way.” The burn was delayed, but it was there, and quickly spread like a blaze in his mouth. “It’s... It’s fine. It’s FINE. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“... I don’t want to say I told you so, buuuuut...” Crow was starting to feel the burn go down his throat, and breathing in only made it worse.

“Oh, oh... oh god. Oh, it’s getting worse.” The cook came back with the other bowl, pausing and noticing Crow’s... pained reaction, quickly realizing he mixed the bowls up.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! Let me get you some milk!”

“Thank you,” Crow wheezed out, quickly guzzling down the milk as soon as it arrived. He slammed the glass down, staring incredulously down at the ramen bowl. “How does he eat this?!” He quickly swapped the bowls to what they should have been. Crow sighed, slumping a bit. “... My lips and mouth are still burning. Not as bad, but...” He shook his head. About that time, Hal returned, his fluster now gone, and he perked at the sight of food.

“Ah, that was fast!” He dug in, humming happily with content, initially unaware of Crow staring at him. Hal was... completely unfazed. When Hal did notice, he paused, cocking his head to the side, blinking quizzically... with some noodles still in his mouth.

“... You’re terrifying. I... I don’t know how you’re eating that,” he said, shaking his head and tucking into his own bowl, which was thankfully considerably less spicy. Hal slurped up his mouthful.

“... The bowls got mixed up, didn’t they?” Crow grunted with his own mouthful, nodding a bit. “... Wuss.” Hal earned a loud bit of humming and grunting in protest as Crow finished his mouthful of ramen.

“No, NO, that, that right there,” he pointed to Hal’s bowl of ramen before continuing, “THAT is a chemical weapon. We should be throwing that at the Hive. It’ll probably melt them on the spot.”

“I don’t know, I seem perfectly fine. Seems to me that you just... couldn’t handle the heat.” Crow slapped the counter.

“You know what? Give me that damn bowl back. I just... was caught off guard.”

“I mean, I don’t want to melt you, since this apparently a weapon.” Hal grinned ear to ear.

Ghost and Glint looked at each other, shaking their shells. These two...

[thestarrynightslover]

So Many Times Before

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 3,190

Warnings: Discussion, yelling, some angst.

Summary: (y/n) and Jay used to be best friends who had always, secretly, wanted more. Now, after years of not seeing each other, what happened to all those feelings? 

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: So, this is my first actual fanfic and I’m quite unsure about it (especially since English isn’t my first language), but I really wanted/needed to give some use to my obsession with Jay Halstead, lol. Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and, please, feel free to give me feedback, cause I’m also here to learn!!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

"So, honey, you are never gonna believe who I saw the other day at the district..." You remember your dad saying, in a conversation that made your heart skip a few beats, weeks ago.

"Oh yeah? Who?" You asked with a soft smile on your lips, not paying much attention at the moment.

"Jay Halstead." He said simply as if just waiting for you to freak out. God, your dad really knew how to make you drop your cool-girl act.

"Oh, that's nice... Wait. What??? Did you say Jay? What was he even doing there? Is he okay? Did he get into some sort of trouble? How can we help?" And there it was, you were totally losing it and your dad just stood there with that smug smirk of his, that says: I knew this was coming.

"Relax, (y/n/n), he’s okay. He was just there to get some files from a case my unit was handing over to them." That would've been a completely acceptable statement if Jay Halstead wasn't still in the army for all you knew.

"Sorry, handing a case over to them?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, apparently that scrawny kid — who's not so scrawny anymore — is, now, a detective working with CPD's Intelligence Unit."

"What? But when did he leave the army?" By then you were drifting off the conversation with your dad and he knew it, so he did you the favor of leaving you alone with your thoughts and memories. 

Now, with the very same (well, not the same, he really wasn't scrawny anymore) Jay Halstead standing right in front of you, that moment with your dad inevitably came back to mind.

"Wow, (y/n) (y/l/n)!" He said with a huge bright smile that made you wanna go back to your high school days, yep the smile was that awesome.

"Jay Halstead. Wows are definitely in order." You said between giggles. "Oh my Gosh, it's been forever! How are you doing?"

"I'm- I'm- I'm good, thank you. How are you?" He looked absolutely shocked as he scanned you upside-down.

"I'm good too. You look great, by the way."

"Thanks," he smiled again. Wasn't he ever gonna stop doing that? "you look, hum, you look great too!" He said that, while looking at you in a way that was, for sure, making your cheeks heat up. "So hum-" Your phone just had to start ringing at that moment, didn't it?

"I'm so sorry, but I gotta take this. Work." You said, waving your phone in front of his face.

"Oh, okay, no problems, go ahead!" Jesus, he was acting like a teenager. After all these years how was it even possible that you still had so much effect on him? He started thinking, as he watched you take a few steps away and confidently boss someone around over the phone, was that really you? His high school best friend? Because who could tell? You were generally so quiet and shy with everyone. You would never lead any groups, almost choked on your words every time you had a presentation... Remembering that made Jay think of a moment in particular, when he first knew he loved you as more than just a friend. 

You were 16 and he was 17, a year ahead of you in school too, as he was already a senior. But you guys never really minded that. How could you, anyway? Jay was your best friend in the world (okay, your only real friend after Will left for college).

The two of you were walking back home from school, as you always did, him dropping you off at your doorstep – even if that meant he had to go back a few blocks every day, all he cared about was making sure you got home safe.

That day was different, though. He stopped you at your house's fence and said he needed to tell you something important. God, your heart literally stopped, as you thought you knew exactly what he was gonna say. "Oh, jay-"

"No, please, (y/n/n). Just let me tell you, otherwise, I'll lose my courage." He stopped for a second, breathing hard and watching your expression attentively. "I, I, um, I need to tell you that… That I, um… That I enlisted the army." He said like he was ripping off a band-aid.

"What???" You were shocked, to say the least, "You did what, Jay?" You asked again, whilst trying to calm your nerves.

"Look, don't be mad at me, just let me explain, please." He pleaded with you. "I just need to get away from here and you know it, (y/n), you know why" You did know why, just, God, the army, seriously?

"Jay, you don't need to do that." You tried reasoning with him.

"Of course I need to, (y/n/n)!" He said and you could see him beginning to get upset. Or was it desperation? "I can't stand him any longer! I just can’t.” Geez, you didn’t want him to go. You definitely didn’t want him to go, but you could see the sadness in his eyes when he said that. Still, you tried a little more: 

“But what about your mom? Your brother? What about me?” You felt yourself blush after that last part, but continued: “Jay you’re really important to me… my best friend, my… my… my only friend! I can’t lose you.”

“And you think that that doesn’t kill me? Will and my mom will be just fine, they’ll miss me, sure, but they’ll be fine. You on the other hand? I don’t wanna leave you! Especially knowing that you’ll have to go through the rest of high school alone…” He looked genuinely apologetic and concerned “That’s why I told you before anyone else.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.” You stated simply.

“Tell me you don’t want me to go, and I won’t.”

“What? You’d… You’d really do that for me?” 

“Of course, (y/n/n)! You mean the world to me and you’ve gotten me through so much already…” He sounded sincere, but you also knew what led him to make such a drastic move and you couldn’t just let him throw away what was probably his best shot at getting out of Chicago for you. You wouldn’t.

“Jay… I could never ask you something like that. You’re right. I know why you’re making this choice.” You said and tried to smile a little so that he’d stop worrying about you. Your life was better and easier, in many ways, because of him, so you couldn’t or wouldn’t make his any harder than it already was.

“Are you, are you sure? Because I came here ready to argue with you about this. To try hard to make you understand my decision, but now that I’m actually here, talking to you about it…” He looked so confused and you only wish you could pull him close to you and say that everything was gonna be okay as long as you two were together. Just like he did with you on the hard days, but you couldn’t. He deserved better from you.

“I’m sure! Look, I know what I said before, but… But I promise you I’ll survive this without you! It’s gonna be harder and a lot more boring… But I’ll be okay, you don’t need to worry.” At that moment you looked down to your feet, unsure if you really had it in you to let him go like that. But of course you did because you loved him. So you went on, “You said this is how you get outta Chicago, so you should do it. You’re my best friend and I love you. And I really just want you to do what’s best for you. What’ll make you happy.” You said with a small smile, even though the tears were already in your eyes. 

And that was when he knew he loved you, for the first time, as more than just a friend. The way you supported him – like no one else had ever done –, even though it pained you… That really stuck with him. In Jay Halstead’s opinion, time and distance and other people all sucked. Because they had pushed you away from him. Well, he was to blame for that too, but now you were standing right there. At his District. That’s gotta count for something.

As you came back, he noticed you looked upset. “Everything okay?”

“What? Ah, yeah, sure. Just work stuff. Anyways it is a huge surprise to see you, Jay.” That made his heart drop, you were surprised to see him?

“Oh, yeah? I thought the reason you were here was that your dad told you this is where I work. I mean, because we ran into each other the other day…” Now it made sense. Of course your dad would wanna play matchmaker between you Jay! Even more, now that he was a cop.

“Oh, God, he did mention something about you the other day. But you’re telling me that he isn’t here?” At that, Jay just looked at you like you were crazy.

“Today? I haven’t seen him… He works at the 26, no?”

“Yeah, I know he does. It’s just... He told me to meet him here for lunch today. Something about a joint op. Anyways now I know why he said that.” 

“What? He lied to you, then?” Jay asked, laughing his ass off at your cost. Unbelievable, you being played by your cupid father and Jay Halstead laughing at you. He stopped when he realized just how angry you were getting. But the stupid smile was still there.

“Forget it, this was a waste of time.”

“No! Wait, why don’t I take you to lunch instead?” He shot you such a charming smile that you could have said yes to marrying him at that moment. “C’mon, at least you don’t end up with an empty stomach.”

“I gue-” You almost said yes, but, thank God, your brain went back to working properly and you remembered how you promised to never let yourself fall for Jay’s “ways” another time. “Actually, I already spent most of my free hour here chatting with you, so now the only way I won’t be late is if I just grab something on the way back to the office.” You saw him opening his mouth and said: “And I can do that by myself.” You added so that he wouldn’t have a chance at convincing you.

How can Jay Halstead make you feel like this after all this time? It's absolutely ridiculous because the man hurt you the way he did, he left you behind (for a good reason, but still), and you just spent the rest of the day torturing yourself for being too rude with him?

You have no self-love. That has to be it, because, now that you left work, you're calling your dad just to embarrass yourself and make him feel like the achieved cupid. Oh, right. And to beg him for Jay's address. This was the wrong move in so many ways, but you just had to go there.

Or at least that’s what you’re telling yourself as you reach his building entrance. There it was: 3B - J. Halstead. You pressed the button hoping he would be home. He was; he answered. Okay, why did you do this again?

“Hello?” You hear him calling out.

“He- hey! Hum, hi it’s (y/n)...” He doesn’t even let you finish your rambling.

“(y/n/n)! I mean, hum, (y/n). Hey, let me buzz you up!” With that, the door opens and you get inside, you’re so unsure about this that the next thing you know you’re standing at his door about to knock, but being met with a grinny Jay instead. “Hey, I was pretty surprised when I heard your voice…” He states while running a hand through his perfect hair. “I honestly thought that I had somehow managed to order food and forget about it!” Gosh, he really wasn’t gonna stop smiling like that, was he? “Hey, you okay? What happened?”

“Hum, no, no, no! Everything is fine, really! Thank you for asking though, it’s very sweet of yours.” After hearing that, his concerned expression started softening until he started smiling again, damn Jay! “Actually, I’m here precisely because, hum, after I left the District, I ended up doing some thinking and got to the conclusion that I was a bit rude with you… Maybe even more than just a bit and I’m sorry. It’s no excuse, but I guess I just got upset because of how my dad played me and took it out on you! Anyway, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry.” Instead of just saying it was okay, or agreeing with you, he just gave you a funny look and silence. “So, huh, what do you think about that? Say something, please?” Still nothing, unbelievable. “Seriously? You’re giving me the silent treatment? What are we, ten?” Hearing that, he bursted into laughter, leaving you very confused, to say the least. Once he caught his breath, he finally started talking:

“Jesus, (y/n)! Of course, I’m not giving you a silent treatment!” He said while shaking his head and still laughing. “You say you were rude, but I was trying to remember exactly when, during our less than five minutes talk, that happened. I kinda asked you out and you declined, I’m not gonna think you’re a bad person because of that! Especially after all of our history…” That kinda surprised you, but, then again, Jay was never the kind of guy to get upset over some mild rudeness.

“Ah…” Was all you managed to say before he spoke again:

“But, since you’re already here, let me pry on your guilt a little and ask you to come inside for a beer, maybe?” You nodded your head giggling and followed him inside. “So, um, your dad mentioned you were moving back here…” He half asked, handing you a bottle.

“Thanks. Ah, yeah, the company I work for decided it was time for a transfer.” You answered with a shrug of shoulders.

“Oh I see, you’re an engineer, right?” The conversation was beginning to get awkward, and both of you could feel it.

“Yeah,” you said while calculating how fast you could make it to the door after standing up from the couch, “chemical engineer, listen, it’s getting late, and I have an early morning tomorrow, so-” 

“Wait, please don’t leave just yet.” He breathed out, softly grabbing you by the arm. “Ever since our fight that day I’ve been hoping for a chance to make things right between us, (y/n/n)...” At that, you just close your eyes and rub your fingers against your temples. “I never meant to hurt you, I swear!” Really? That was what he was going with?

“You never meant to hurt me? I crossed the Atlantic just to be by your side, leaving a lot of important stuff behind, and you didn’t wait a single moment to trade me for the first cover girl you could find, but you didn’t mean to hurt me?” You always thought you’d start crying if you had to confront him like that, but instead, you were just angry.

“(y/n/n), I’m so sorry! It’s just that I couldn’t be with you at that moment... I-”

“You couldn’t be with me? Right, because I wasn’t half of what they were… It’s not like you’re telling me anything new, really.” You tried to make it sound like nothing but, damn, that hurt deep.

“What? No, of course, not! You got it all wrong, baby!” Baby. He used the pet name you two sometimes used with each other to mock all those popular couples in school… “I couldn’t be with you because I was so messed up! I’m not proud to say it, but none of those girls ever meant anything to me! They were just a distraction from everything that was happening, from everything that had happened… You, on the other hand… (y/n/n), you were there at my mom’s funeral when I wasn’t! Don’t think I forgot about it!” His eyes softened a little. “You were my best friend in the world!”

“Oh my God! You still don’t get it? I didn’t want to be just your best friend, Jay! I spent most of my high school days just wondering when you were gonna trade me, your mere friend, for one of those pretty girls, who would happily be more than that to you… But you never did… Until that time! I was expecting to find you messed up! Because I knew that I wasn’t gonna give up until you got better! But, that?” Now there was just no stopping the tears that were rolling down your cheeks. He was on the verge of crying as well, so the two of you just stayed there in silence until he decided to speak again:

“I’m a complete idiot. That’s all I can say for myself. I’m so sorry I never realized it, (y/n)!” He seemed sincerely sorry, but you weren’t sure you could forgive him just yet. “You know,” he started, while laughing bitterly, “I made a real fool of myself with you, cause I used to dream about having a shot with you, romantically, I mean.” After hearing that, your jaw literally dropped, while Jay just kept laughing lightly. “Will even used to bug me about it, he’d say that you were just as fallen for me as I was for you,” he said, chuckling, and shaking his head, “and I never believed him, I’d actually beg him to stop saying those things whenever you were around because I thought it could make you uncomfortable…” You didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“Jay, I…” You began, but he interrupted you:

“You, um, you don’t need to say anything, if you don’t want to. Now I see that I hurt you a lot more than I thought I did, and I am so sorry! I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t, so if you ever feel like you can give me another chance, even if just at our friendship, I’ll be so thankful! The happiest man! But if not, well, I’ll just stay out of your life,” you could see how hurt he was, “because I don’t ever wanna make you cry again.” He said that but it looked like he was the one about to break into tears, so you did the one thing you could think about doing; you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. Just like you had thought about doing so many times before. It took him a while to correspond since he was sort of stunned, but when he did… Oh boy, it was everything that books always told you about, there were butterflies and fireworks, and you knew that your transfer back home couldn’t have come at a better time.

[zaptap]

ive made a few of these bingo sheets and theyre fun so i decided to make one not just for e3 but also JUST for splatoon 3 (not just for e3 but for like the whole lifetime of the game). also heres my updated list of characters id like to see in smash, ordered generally by which id like more and/or think are the most realistic

since min min got in i took out helix, and since i couldnt decide whether to add in waluigi or madeline i added another row (realistically i dont think any indies are getting in but i threw some in anyway). also i was like “oh yeah maybe theyd put in a gen viii pokemon” so i threw in hatterene since thats one of my favorites.

also as for waluigi (and shovel knight for that matter) i think it would be nice to see an assist trophy get in just to break that rule. also i remember being super surprised he wasnt in brawl (back then i thought he and wario were equally important) and even though that was based on a wrong impression ive still felt like he should be in there ever since

notes about the bingos under the cut

really is about time for those n64 games, especially now that mario is dead so theyre free to release sm64 on it. game boy games would be nice sometime too

would also make sense to include banjo-kazooie in that, nintendos had a good relationship with microsoft lately and the total absence of anything banjo-kazooie on the switch is odd since it’s a dlc character (every other one has a game on switch they can use for cross-marketing, even if joker’s took a while) and i think the best explanation for that would be that theyre holding off for the nso n64 app (this is easiest from a technical standpoint because all they have to do is make a deal to use the roms)

when are they putting octolings in mk8d

xenoblade chronicles x is one of the only wii u games left that they could port (aside from ones that wouldnt make much sense like splatoon and ssb4) so i guess that might as well happen sometime. also monolith soft might be doing something else besides helping with splatoon 3

im not ready for metroid prime 4 (im over halfway through mp2 and therefore the trilogy as a whole) but it’s been a while, they might show it and it could even come out this year

hal apparently recently hinted at a new kirby game or something

the upgraded switch is obviously going to be called the Nintendo Switch ͥ  since they already did the ds lite so theyre clearly naming everything in the family after the ds family, theres absolutely no flaw in this logic. idk if theyre showing it, but unlike 2019 they didnt say they werent showing new hardware (just that they were showing software, which could be taken as denying rumors, but they sometimes specify when certain things arent being shown)

metroid prime trilogy also might come this year. would make sense to release it before mp4 since not everyone is going to buy a wii u to get it (and at this point that doesnt get nintendo any money since they stopped making them)

where is detective pikachu 2. i hope it has the blue pikachu from that first tease they gave us in like 2014 (2013? that was a loooong time ago idk)

they said this was MOSTLY 2021 so i am absolutely getting my hopes up for splatoon 2

the two sinnoh games could likely be there

would be super cool if oddity came to switch. and almost as ironic as megalovania getting into smash

we havent seen the botw sequel for a couple years so we’re kind of due for an update on that

it’s ace attorney’s 20th anniversary this year so maybe theyre doing something. theyre already porting those games though so idk. maybe he’s getting in smash

whats with that watermelon mario render

i held off on watching a playthrough for ndrv3 on the off chance it came to switch and i could play a dangan ronpa game for real for once but it’s now been 4 years and we just passed the 10th anniversary of the series (albeit during a pandemic when i wouldnt expect them to have done anything) so it would be cool to see the series come to switch. i think if it still doesnt after this though i’ll just watch the playthrough, 4 years is long enough. amazed ive avoided spoilers this long, i still know next to nothing about the game

im about done with acnh but im still waiting on those splatoon items. and i ran out of storage in february so i need more of that too

nintendo did stuff for zelda’s 30th anniversary so i doubt theyre forgetting the 35th. maybe wwhd/tphd ports, idk

been a couple years since fire emblem, intelligent systems is probably up to something besides planning yet another paper mario spinoff

miyamoto forgot pikmin 4 in the oven 6 years ago and it got burnt to a crisp and thats why it hasnt come out yet because he had to start over

and splatoon

the inklings scared daft punk into quitting so now that theres no competition in the robot musician scene they should have a daft punk style group

i waited and waited and neither of my top two splatoon stages (flounder and d’alfonsino) came back in splatoon 2 so i hope just because splatoon 3 isnt in inkopolis doesnt mean they still wont return

would be sick as hell if there was a real hide and seek mode instead of just sticking to your own rules in private battles. havent played that since 2015 but it was super fun

show us the effects of the chaos world

i wanted mc craig to have a song in octo expansion and they didnt deliver. heres another chance

splatnet 3 baby

cant wait for nogami to do a funny 3 pose

abxy came back for splatoon 2.... am i gonna be that lucky again...?

salmon run doesnt make sense if youre friends with a smallfry but they could either change the story context (you just fight “evil” salmonids?) or replace it with an equally fun co-op mode

amiibo!!! i think i said this before but they should label them by weapons if these cephalopods dont have genders, would make more sense (the gendered ones had different weapons anyway)

returning characters!!!! would like to see everyone have a role of some kind

maybe #GearForAll wasnt successful in getting the emperor/spy/mecha gear, but perhaps theyll at least consider not making that stuff exclusive this time around

squid girl gear should be back. and they should call it a dress instead of a tunic because its a dress. and theres no gender now anyway

as ive said before... TRIPLIES!! you hold one in each hand and another in your mouth. and you can spin around like the tasmanian devil

remove splatfest tee annoyances: you should have a prompt at the end of a splatfest to pay to scrub your tee (to make sure you get the chunks) also it should be on a neutral brand so you dont end up with an overabundance of ink resistance up (or whatever else)

better online and cloud saves would certainly justify having a second splatoon game on the same console, as much as im loving that it exists

hopefully theres a global testfire again

sooner or later the workers will rise up and kill mr grizz

remember in splatoon 1 where if you had squid beatz (via the amiibo) you could “play” it in the lobby and change the music? then you were stuck listening to only bubble bath in splatoon 2? why did they take that option away they should bring it back

looking at those apartment buildings in the trailer i think it would be cool if you had your own room and could decorate it

an octavio redemption arc would be fun to see. in the manga he stole the zapfish because the octarians had an energy crisis, and in the end they worked out a deal to share the electricity

[currentfandomkick]

Marinette did not sign up for this part 6

this part was broken in two for my sanity.

first part here previous part here ao3 here

--

Bruce is many things, including Batman. He is currently trying to figure out how to launch a search party for his daughter’s missing magic jewelry and to find the thieves. (god, he hasn’t even met her yet and she has so many problems. She needs him there already and he isn’t). He is a father to many children who are currently searching for her, and who only just thought to inform him of this fact. On top of that, he is Batman—Justice League, cases, and keeping up his aliases on top of managing his possibly injured son.

What he is not expecting is a call from Hal when he is mid-way through a case while keeping Red Hood down. He is not expecting for Oracle to patch him through, nor is he expecting it to include Diana and Arthur—granted they all know each other’s identities at this point, but still. He would like to be uniform when his allies call him for work. Instead, he’s in civvies, in Jason’s room on his laptop keeping his son in place by sitting at the foot of his bed and shooting him looks on occasion. The only mercy was it being audio only.

“Batman we need to have a talk,” Hal stated.

Jason decided to make a break for it while Bruce was distracted. Bruce tackled his son and dragged him back to bed. “Little busy. Someone with Pegasus’ abilities dropped Hood into the harbor and he’s on bedrest.”

“I object to this treatment! I’m fine!”

“Not until Agent A clears you.”

“Fuck you B.”

“Hood.”

Jason stuck out his tongue and relented for the moment.

“So you’re aware he pulled a gun on a kid?”

Bruce choked at that.

Jason sat up. “First of all, dart gun with knock outs thank you very much, second of all, kid clearly stole Ladybug’s whatever that lets her transform, same with the girl using the cat that clearly has a lot of anxiety and definitely should not be in the field if she’s hyperventilating!”

Bruce could feel Diana being held back by someone. Possibly Hal’s ring, or Arthur.

“That was a teammate certified by the Ladybug and Chat Noir as allowed to use their miraculous given that Ladybug was needed on another mission at the time. Mr. Bug has appeared once before when Ladybug was unable to appear, and Chatte Noire is usually for solo stealth missions but was called to handle this particular akuma.” Arthur explained. “Your son attacked Ladybug’s team and has only made them all more unwilling to allow any contact after Sandboy.”

Bruce froze. His daughter needs help, and is denying the league the right to after Jason’s (well-intentioned) actions.

“Are they—”

“Ladybug has stated that the League may not approach her team during patrol, which was our main contact point. Miss Sting has become their representative for any and all contact, save one Amazonian historian,” Diana hissed. “She is convinced your whole family is trying to kill her now. You are to keep your house out of Paris until this is handled—if it wasn’t for the team being convinced that Red Hood was one of Sandboy’s creations, we would not be allowed to contact her at all!”

Bruce froze. His daughter is terrified of his family—of her family. She thinks they are out to kill her. He need to have a family meeting, now.

“I’ll check their locations and bring them back.”

“You better!”

“It is not wise to anger the Savior and Destroyer, so do so as quickly as possible,” Arthur stressed.

“Seriously Bats, get your house in order.”

“Hey, he’s not in charge of us anymore,” Jason tried to defend, only his voice wasn’t all there. “We’re our own people here. He just makes sure we don’t bleed out at this point.”

“Might want to work on that too.” Bruce wasn’t focusing enough to tell which of them said that.

Jason was shockingly quiet after that, typing absently on his phone.

Bruce needed to fix this. He turned on his kids trackers, only to find they were already in Paris, or… moving toward it. And comms were down.

“Oracle, report.”

“Sorry B, but I think they found her and we may have pinned down Hawkmoth.”

Bruce wanted to scream. He didn’t. “Report the identity to the League and leave Paris, now.”

“… Tim isn’t responding, Cass has plans with a family, and Steph is part of those, so you’re going to have to wait a day or so.”

Jason typed harder, but said nothing. Bruce could feel the self-recrimination and knew better than to intervene just yet. When he put down the phone (and when Bruce finished his own investigation on this matter) they would talk. For now, he had to wait.

             ---

Nino is a lot of things. Amazing director (albeit a tyrant as one), a top notch dj, and a superhero. He is also smart, charming, and very good at reading people and knowing when something is up. Perks of being Carapace and having Wayzz all the time—people’s weaknesses are a lot easier to spot now, and any fronts they try to put up, he already sees right through them. Especially when its someone he’s known forever.

Marinette has been on edge, around the same time as Ladybug started acting up. Granted, finding out she has a pen knife last year by her accidently using it to draw in class that one time did give him a wakeup call on Marinette having a paranoia streak on top of her anxiety, but usually the girl calmed down during school or when she was designing during breaks.

This time, that wasn’t happening. He’s… not sure how to get her to open up on this one. Looking over her shoulder and the constant twitching meant she was probably hit hard by Sandboy last night, and hadn’t recovered yet. He really wished he got a few hits in himself on the akuma—it always messed up everyone afterwards. And Marinette didn’t need the extra stress with her new designs for the Worst Father Ever’s company and tests that week.

And yet here they are, with her on edge. Most of the class was hit, and no one was at a hundred percent and all, he got that but…

“Sandboy?” Nino started, hoping it was casual enough that Marinette didn’t catch how frustrated he was with all of this. Ladybug was missing last night so Mr. Bug was there, Chatte was filling in for Chat and had an anxiety attack, the battle took way too long and it was so painfully clear that Chatte isn’t a hitter and that Mr. Bug is no strategist. Viperion stepped into that role with ease when he managed to get there, but still. The whole situation was messed up and he couldn’t fix it. Even when its hurting his friends.

Marinette let out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it or…”

“NO! I—I never wanted to, I…” Marinette was at a loss for words again, tugging at her hair.

“Its okay dudette.” He made sure to take her hands out of her hair before she knotted it like she did when they were kids. She hated getting them out after, always cried a bit from how much it hurt with how big her knots would get and how uncooperative they were. “That bad?”

Marinette nodded, curled in a bit. “I never want it to happen for real.”

Nino wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was, but it couldn’t be good. He know how bad some of Sandboy’s nightmares were—getting chased by his own fear of absolute failure being voiced by his idols still stung to this day.

“Hey, if it tries to, you got us—me, my bro, your bestie and let’s not forget Miss “I am the storm” will be there.”

“And Kagami!” Alya added with a grin as she came over with his bro. “She’s already claimed the right to destroy anyone that hurts you.”

Adrien’s grin may as well have split his face. “She has, hasn’t she.”

Marinette turned to fight with Adrien, as something was going on between those two, Adrien clearly had an idea what it was, but given the whole thing with Luka’s fans getting on her back about using him to get famous and the fall out…

Nino shook his head to banish that particular akuma—fans are the worst kind of akuma. Love akuma are really annoying in their abilities, but he can defend against all of their power-sets so far. Fan akumas are always wildcards and he’s usually not the most helpful against them.

He hopes he can keep Ladybug and Marinette safe. His job is to defend and shelter—in and out of the mask. That’s what he’s decided to do, at least.

“Aw, look at them. Now if only they were like this back when operations secret garden was a go.”

Nino raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing you need to worry about, before we got together.”

“Uh huh.” Nino could and would worry about it. Was that a ‘get them together’ operation or a ‘teach Adrien and Marinette how to be people and no run from the sight of each other’ operation?  First year ops outside of the mask were weird and he wasn’t in on them until a few months after he and Alya finally got together (at his best bro and favorite dudette’s brand of meddling).

--

Adrien is glad for many things since getting the ring. One of them is his partner and after finding out who she was (post-‘oh my god she hates me as a civilian’ episode), her brand of scheming. Which included (after he got her to conceded that his father may be bad but he is not Hawkmoth level bad) her managing to end up as his Father’s current ‘mentee’ of choice after she won the hat competition, and he showed off the scarf she made him last year. Gabriel had a rule of not working with designers that hadn’t made a name for themselves already—Marinette had by the time she was fourteen as MDC—Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale’s joint-custody personal designers.

Father only found out MDC was Marinette from the scarf. He’d met Clara again at an event and she had the same style of embroidery and threading. Only it was after Adrien got his scarf.

Marinette plotted this--down to the fashion week event and Clara going to talk to Gabriel about his opinion on the work done to her scarf and how long he thought it would take MDC to make the same thing on a dress, roughly, since the designer does the embroidery by hand instead of letting Clara’s seamstress handle it given the intricate lace-like pattern.

Gabriel had called Marinette on the landline—the landline—that night and offered to mentor her on how to broaden her work for the masses, without taking away from her school and downtime, or interfering with MDC’s work.

So far, Marinette has gathered them a pool of seventy two people, name and contact information, that Markov, Max and Alya are co-investigating as Hawkmoth.

The trade off to all of that is “Marinette” brand consultation under the Gabriel brand, a studio with walk-in and appointed consultations, and being there on time.

Adrien managed to get them there a half hour early, and she still wasn’t relaxed. The unofficial appointment is in twenty minutes, and Marinette is shaken from Sandboy, but doesn’t want to talk about anything Miraculous, and he hasn’t had time for videogames lately, so. Distraction time.

“How did you get into fashion again?” Adrien toyed with his phone, knowing damn well how she ended up this far into fashion, but he did love watching her get worked up and go off.

“First of all, this industry doesn’t make anything for you if you’re short that  isn’t petite, and that’s a nightmare to look for as a kid. Then there was Maman having trouble finding things that fit her nicely and from there looking for women’s or girls clothes is just disappointment after disappointment.”

“How so?” Adrien hid his grin behind his phone.

“How—how so! Your father keeps wanting me to keep pockets out of designs because real pockets aren’t ‘in’ for women’s fashion. Lies! They are always in, women always want pockets and real pockets! Pockets are wonderful and the deeper the better.”

“Mh hm.” Adrien knew that from previous rant sessions.

“Then there’s the whole lack of body types and fits and don’t get me started on every white shirt being seem through, or a button up that doesn’t button right, or both. There is a reason why I make clothes for Mylene and her mom since I started doing commissions in the first place, and that is only one of them!”

Adrien leaned forward then. “So anything else?”

“Fix the sizing system already—using measurements that we already use when getting clothes online for conversion charts, only no ‘small, medium, large’ just the amount of fabric at each measurement and a rough of how it fits on different sizes where from there!”

Adrien checked the time. Ten minutes to, and this guy sounded like the early type.

“Alright, better now?”

Marinette blinked a few times, rage vanishing as she processed what happened. “… yes.”

“Good, feel ready to work out a rough?”

Marinette smirked. “They won’t know what hit them!”

--

Tim walked in and decided this candidate was high on his personal choice of who he’s like to be baby bat. The girl had cookies at the ready with coffee (real coffee, making her much better than Marie Ann) and didn’t bat an eyelash at the Wayne name. So either cool under pressure, or doesn’t care for celebrity status, either way a bonus in his books.

Then came how she just… had that same look Bruce gets when working out one of Riddler’s puzzles, only while she was working out a suit for him. She was just in charge of the design portion—Gabriel assured him he’d check over the whole thing and handle production and all. But this suit she worked out in minutes—even grumbling about making sure his pockets were at easy access level for him to grab his phone in case of emergencies and checking over his phone to shape the pocket and cut with that in mind—he likes it.

Given her features, she wouldn’t be out of place in the family—blue eyes and black hair for the win once again. And she clearly understood professionalism, even if she was being monitored by Gabriel’s son who seemed content to let her operate without asking any questions beyond asking him if he had any fabrics he didn’t want or any skin sensitivities.

Her measurement taking was faster than he was used to with tailors, and she admitted it was a double check and checking the fits he already uses to further incorporate it into the design.

No matter how this pans out, he’s decided he’s keeping her on as a designer at the very least. And that Janet’s DNA test comes back negative. This Marinette is his new favorite pick, and she wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Plus, she already wears her hair like Ladybug and turned that into a casual nickname, so extra bonus on secret identity keeping cred if she is.

Now he just needs to find out if she really is and then drop the bomb on her while working out if she’s undercover working Gabriel/Hawkmoth, or not. If she is, damn. If not, he’s giving her ‘spot the bad guy’ lessons, price—one cup of coffee.

--

next part is in the works, its just a lot lore-wise and detective-wise with bats talking to Baby Bat with No Idea its Baby Bat until whoops, too late. Oops

anyone knows how to add the readmore, feel free to comment or message me

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace @jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04

[hipparelinda]

I am shooketh that someone made a silhouette mirage iceberg... you are amazing op... and now, I’m gonna talk about it, share my thoughts! Go read op’s comments on it first. I’ll only comment on the points I have thoughts on/know about

Here’s the original post, please check it out!

It’ll be long so I’ll leave a break

Tip: Religious references: Only in the japanese version, mostly names of things that link to christianity and judaism. Shyna Nera Shyna is called Sinner Neutlarva Sinner (sins being a big thing in religion, duh), Bug is Moses, Polly Peepers are called Cupids and Specters are called Devils. A lot of the guardian angels are named after stages of angel hierarchy in judaism. I made a list of all the names in english then japanese

Playable Zohar: They’re playable only in the english version in the credits and the ‘Super Core Fighter 2′ mode (never heard of that one...) perhaps as a bonus for the english version

Censorship: In jp version bunny salesman has a cigarette which was changed to thumbs up and when he wants you to hurry up shows a flaming cross in the background which was changed to a dragon in the localised version

Regional differences: Kinda referenced already with hell bunny and name changes. Also, the reaper and geluve aren’t in the japanese version (which with the latter I was surprised about when I found out)

Delia’s wife is Serah: Before the fight with Deliah, Hal states something like ‘think about Serah’ before he buggers off. I dunno if it’s really implied that they’re married and there’s no other reference of it, even from Delia. Though I believe there is a track in-game called ‘your wife is an angel’ so that could relate to it

Ikaruga: Think I heard about this game while watching a review on sm. Apparently it has the same silhouette and mirage thing with two aspects and facing two different ways when fighting etc etc

The genus of Zohar (their gender): Pfffftt they’re just both, duh, dunno why people get wound up over this... anyways, I just headcanon them as two separate characters..

Shyna and Clod are brothers(means, Clod is Shyna’s brother): I..... always thought Clod was female... -_- after reading up jp stuff about it I think they were male in the og version but changed to female in translation because of the translators not getting their gender. I always thought their voice sounded female in the english version. Nevermind... in the jp version Clod (dumb name) says ‘Goodbye, sister’ before the fight.

Which ending is canon?: Whichever you want... there isn’t a sequel... My chosen one is the restore edo one. I believe everyone is reborn too

Shallows Discarded bosses: Judas, Nebuchadnexxar and Hashmalim04 (+ Geluve in the jp version). Judas was apparently meant to be an ally of Megido. I believe she may have betrayed him though since Judas bible betrayed Jesus bible in the bible tm. Nebu man looks like the stereotypical anime pervert.... I think he’d play a roll in Delia’s tv pad since he looks like a director. Not sad to see you go, sir. Hashmalim04 is, duh, the fourth guardian angel. Looks real cool, probably controlled both silhouette and mirage.

Zohar crying: I’m not aware of this, god, I felt so much for Zohar.... ;-; apparently its during the cypher zohar fight. Went to find it again and it’s kinda barely noticeable.. I must’ve thought it was just flashy particle effects. Though it’s quite sad now looking back on it.

The reaper: English only boss, appears if you haven’t lost all your health at all. Apparently they’re challenging you since you so op. I find them kinda boring... love their horse chariot though..

Merchandise: WHERE CAN I GET IT?! Nowhere probably because they most certainly made barely any

Doujinshi: Damnit these look so cute..! Doujinshi is japanese for fan manga. Not official works

Hal is not that smart: Well it’s more Shyna’s just powerful... I believe that if the angels couldn’t stop her that nothing would’ve stopped her.

The image of adult Shyna: God... I’m not a fan....

The middle bit The age of Shyna and Zohar: I see them as programs/robots so I don’t think they have ages. Op states Shyna is 14 and Zohar is 17 which I think is a good choice.

Ying and Yang: It’s the idea that good and bad must be equal and the other exists a little in the other. I really see this link. Since it’s shown that Silhouette and Mirage need to be in balance - as seen in the ending where Megido goes weird cause Har was killed therefore there was too much mirage. I believe Silhouette and Mirage in the world of the game are perhaps like light and shadow or good and evil.

Geluve’s father is Hal: I believe this one but I don’t think op does. Doesn’t Har distinctively call Geluve ‘daughter’ as she interrupts him...? I do rather believe some of the guardian angels see Har as a father, such as Dynamis calling him ‘daddy’. I also wouldn’t be surprised if Har took the angels in like children after they were abandoned

Pollys and Pumpkins are human: It seems op believes this but I’m not sure if I do. I just don’t see the evidence. Why would the humans be attacking Shyna is she’s going to restore the world for humans??

Bottom of the iceberg Shyna is has (hmm) a bomb: Like, kinda a reset bomb. She isn’t really a bomb as she’s never destroyed - you can see her in the reset ending, alive and well. You could say she was carrying a reset button that turns on automatically once close to Edo, it’s not particularly a bomb.

Shyna needs the player for her to have a purpose: I think that’s a bit deep. Yeah, every game protagonist can only do things if the player controls them. I think this is just thinking a bit too deep.

Hal and Megido are Clod’s personalities: I’m not sure what to think of this. So Clod was an asshole and an asshole? I don’t think Har and Megido are different enough to be ‘separate personalities’. We don’t really know enough about Clod to know this at all.

Depths Was she the messenger of destruction or not?: I think this all comes down to what you believe happens after Edo is restored. If you think everything is reset and all the humans are saved then she’s the messenger of justice. If you believe everyone is killed and new humans are born, perhaps it was destruction after all because everyone died anyway.

Shyna committed human genocide: See above

Silhouette Mirage 2: I wish. Though I think treasure isn’t known for continuing their ips so I don’t think this would ever happen.

The side effects of being subjected to experiments: I suppose this is talking about Clod. I really have no idea what to say about it. As I said before, we really don’t know enough about Clod to tell us what really happened to them during the experimentation.

Geluve represents how Shyna would end up if she turned out to be another failed messenger: Uh, I suppose..? Wouldn’t all the guardian angels be though..?

Bonus! Explaining the images on the iceberg: Tip: Shyna talk sprite Shallows: ‘Adult’ Shyna official(?) art Middle: ? merch perhaps? Bottom: image from a comic about how the Polly Peepers and Specters see Shyna Depths: the real faces of Polly Peepers

[buginateacup]

Its hot as fuck and I’ve successfully done 7 loads of washing today but I also realised I cant put the Vetinari conversation in Tea With Topsy where I originally planned so I had to write another chapter instead. So here’s an early look at something that’s not going to happen for months

------------

Roxanne was trying to hurry from downtown back to the office after what she thought was going to be a quick soundbite interview after lunch turned into a three hour investigation into how the fuck the southern suburbs municipal office lost the deeds to half a dozen high value properties, four of which were up for redevelopment.

Key word trying. It was another blazing summer day and there was no shade for the next four blocks to the bus stop.

It was hot enough that even Hal had fucked off early to take the van back to the station as Brad needed a cameraman at the waterpark and not even an hour alone with Roxanne in peak hour traffic was enough to dissuade him from "babes in bikinis"

Roxanne felt a little sorry for all the parents at the Toddler's and Tot's new pool opening, but not enough to correct him. She shifted her laptop bag to her other shoulder and forced herself to keep walking.

A rolling hum pulled up and followed her on the wrong side of the road, "You're going to get burnt again," Megamind called conversationally through the open window, steering with one hand, the other propped casually on the door of the invisible car. Roxanne grabbed gratefully at the edge of the door frame, 

"Emergency kidnapping?" she asked hopefully, leaning gratefully into the blast of cold air coming from the car.

"Absolutely not,"

"Please?"

"No," he slowed to an almost stop and reached behind him, a crack appeared in the view of the street behind him, "But I'll give you a lift, get in."

Roxanne gripped the edge of the crack, pulling open the rear door to throw herself in onto cool leather upholstery, "Oh thank god. I live here now" she groaned as he took off again. She glanced at the high collar blocking her view of his face, "How have you not melted?"

Megamind chuckled and twisted his watch. The collar and mantle dissolved and a pair of large vertical oval sunglasses appeared on his nose. He was in a black t-shirt with chunky silver zips running from the collar to the sleeves to allow it to slip over his head, short black driving gloves barely ran past his wrists.

"Nice arms," she noted. Wonder what they taste like? Seventeen year old Roxanne added silently.

Shut up you.

"They are useful, yes," Megamind agreed lazily.

Roxanne sat up to lean over into the front seat and look at her unexpected chauffeur, "Can I get in the front?"

"And run the risk of you pressing the fusion rocket button? I think not Miss Ritchi,"

"There's a fusion rocket?" she asked curiously, arms still hooked over the back of the front seat.

Megamind swapped hands on the steering wheel and put his hand over her face to shove her onto the back seat, "Sit down and put your seatbelt on."

"Why? Your not wearing one."

"I'm the bad guy. Its do as I say, not as I do. Now hold on."

Roxanne buckled up then laughed as he cut between two lanes and sped through a red light, just avoiding a turning truck. "What happened to this city would be utopia if they just did the reasonable thing"

"I was being reasonable. I didn't hit anybody."

"You ran a red light!"

"So? It's not like the cameras can catch me. I'm doing all this work to improve my city. The least they can do is get out of my way."

Roxanne rolled her eyes and peeled her shirt away from her undershirt, "Why has this summer been so gross?" she griped, "Speaking of, you should get them to plant trees down Fenton Road, its awful along there."

"Tell the flying menace to do it. Its the kind of photo op he'd love to feature in."

"Don't think you could compete?" she teased. 

He eyed her through the rear view mirror, "I know what your doing."

"Is it working?"

"No."

"Damn," Roxanne unbuttoned her short sleeved white shirt and shrugged it off her shoulders, revealing a thin white tank clinging damply to her skin.

Gloved hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, "Miss Ritchi what are you doing?"

"Relax, I'm just trying not to die of heatstroke." she laid the sweat soaked shirt over her bag and stretched on the back seat, glorying in the cold air.

"It might take a while to get you back to the office, I can't get through the roadworks on Twenty Second like this,"

"There's roadworks on twenty second?"

"There are supposed to be. Its too hot so they left half the road dug up and diverted all the traffic through a single lane.

"Oh. Good thing you caught me before I got to the bus then." Roxanne checked her phone and groaned at the forecast that ranged from firey pits of hell to literal volcanic explosion to why god why? "Why is the city an oven?"

"Well you see there's this thing called a virgin sacrifice, or in more modern terms, a Damsel. Who is supposed to scream and plead for mercy from the great evil threatening the land so that it is appeased and allows another year of bountiful harvests and clearly Miss Ritchi, you are not holding up your end of the bargain."

Roxanne flipped a finger skyward, "Hey sun, fuck off."

Megamind laughed and made a sharp left, "I have something I need to collect on the way" he said, turning towards the docks near the industrial district, "If I ask nicely will you stay in the car and not touch anything or do I need to hit you with the spray?"

"Will you leave the aircon on?"

"I can,"

"I'll be good," she promised dreamily, basking in the cool flow of air.

"I doubt it," Megamind slowed to a stop and got out, "I'll be five minutes," he said sliding the keys into his pocket, black jeans in this weather, brave alien. "Behave," he locked the car behind him.

[do-not-careissa]

I read your new fanfic for JayKyle week (along with all the others) Fear and really loved it! (And for my next part just remember I like Kyle from what I've seen and him as White lantern seems cool but super OP for no real reason (but I haven't read comics so sorry))

With all these fics it makes me have thoughts (no mean to bash but why is Kyle even white lantern. From what I've seen (which is not a lot so I get it if I'm just being ignorant and unconsciously putting down the characters that aren't my fave 😥) it just seemed like OP move to make him stronger)

But onto what I hope doesn't come off as putting down a character for my own fave (and if that's what it is I don't mean it). But I keep on having thoughts of White lantern Jason.

Rather if (inspired by your fic) Jason goes into the pit and comes out a Red lantern, goes to space after a bit then goes back to Talia (there wasn't really much in space for him, and nothing with the bats anymore, but Talia?). Then when training/thinking about what Bruce should have done and Gotham gets a orange ring. Then maybe a Black ring while being Redhood (or however Jason would do it in this world). Then after the Black ring or after the pit madness cools down he realizes what he's done and gets a Yellow ring.

Then maybe the next ones would be Indigo, Violet, Green, Blue.(White)

And plusepoints if Jason meets people within this time. Like Bruce never really learns that its Jason rather if it's because he never went to Gotham or didn't stay long enough for the bats to find out. It's just one day this guy with at least one of the "bad" power rings shows up (Jason would show up for world crisises) and completely obliterate some guys. And everyone would be like "this guy is scary". And then he'd continue to show up with more and more ring and everyone is shocked.

.

.

.

I also like the idea of Jason and Kyle both being Green lanterns in space after Hal becomes Parallax. Kyle hates Jason because he's always telling Kyle what to do and kinda calling him stupid (Jason is just worried that this guy with like zero training is going to go out into space (with no plan) and get hurt or mess everything up. So Jason is just trying to show him how to be a hero/vigilante and Kyle. Isn't. Listening.(que Jason thinking Kyle is so stupid and stubborn and pretty and F#CK)

Thank you, glad your enjoying it all.

Its all good. Comics are confusing half the time, and contradictory. Can be a bit difficult to read, let alone understand what's happening when or where or why sometimes.

Kyle being op as White Lantern, that's to be expected tbh. He became WL because he managed to get chosen by all the seven rings (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet) and learned how to weild each of their individual powers. So he's not just weilding the power of one Lantern corps at that point, he's hitting seven plus whatever additional boost you'd expect to get from being WL. (pretty sure they did it this way to serve as a parrallel to the different rays of light and how when your eye sees all of them it makes white and when there's none it sees black.) I can see where you could see it as a move to make him way too overly strong, but another thing I'd say is it separated him from Hal both with plot and character wise. I've seen some people say that Kyle feels like DC just wanted a younger Hal, that they're not distinct enough, by giving him this thing he's getting something Hal and by extension no other characters had/held onto (as far as I'm aware the only other time we've seen WLs is in blackest night and that obviously didn't stick past that event). It also gives us that bonus Hal is extremely strong in Will but Kyle is intuned across the whole board. But that's all just my speculation and what I've gotten. And this is comics, where the rules and Canon are constantly changing to suit whoever's writing today.

I have thought of WLJason for a bit, kind of playing with the idea of how he came back to life and the WL power is supposed to be life. So you could argue channeling all the rings together to create the white one would be easier, the problem of course comes with getting the rings to him and not getting overloaded on all the power and emotions that come with them. A few have been shown to manipulate or change the wearer's emotional and mental state so you could play with the fear and struggle of that too (specific ones that come to mind being red, indigo, and violet). But you could mess around with how the rings work to fit the story. I do like your idea of him just being this unknown figure amassing this collection of rings without anyone knowing anything. Could play it off as a mystery if told from the bats or league's perspective, or like a sort of thriller if from Jason's.

Usually I think of Jason as WL in a situation where most of the League has disappeared, maybe through brainiac or some alien invasion or some supervillain we've never heard of. Of course with the League's disappearance someone has to step up and do something and after fighting with himself Jason does that. There are younger heroes and sidekicks just running around putting themselves in danger with no backup, he has to do something. At some point he gets a ring, either blue for the hope he's bringing to the people/that he has for finding the League, or green because he's not about to let anything else happen (plus the guardians are like, where the hell did our lanterns go? All six of them? This is clearly an emergency, we need someone there, now.) Over time he starts amassing the other rings and he becomes the WL. With the new power and this new team he's had to build from scratch within the last however many months/years he finds the missing League members and get them back. Cue the shock as everyone tries to figure out how this happened.

Ooh, new Green Lantern Kyle plus also new Green Lantern Jason could be fun too. Could almost go like a buddy cop route with it if you wanted, Jason tries to be the serious one while Kyle's just trying to enjoy himself. He gets it's important and all but c'mon man, we can go to space, that's so cool. Add in some mutual pining, the oh no this assholes really hot moment, and we're on our way. Since it's just became GL Kyle you could play it off as Jason just came out of the Lazarus Pit maybe too(maybe the pit madness didn't hit as bad here, or his will is strong enough to fight through it) so you can play up the young love aspect too.

[mcnuggyy]

Izel your OCs are so cool, I care them... They're all fantastic in different ways but Elly is my favorite!!! She seems so sweet 💞💞💞 Also I just generally love the dynamic of "the technicians do all the work, the operatives get all the credit" like MWAH. It is so interesting and I bet it's a good source of conflict skhskdjfl. How is it decided who ends up in which role?

OHHH ASHerrr thank you so much!!! ;;w;; I’m SO glad you love the “technicians doing all the hard work but operatives get all the credit, fame, fortune” dynamic cause it is ALSO  one of my favorite thing about this world i have created jejeje  👉👈 

This is something I’ve thought about a bit before but it’s still rough as most things, but back when they used to do internships (Hal is one of the first of the new batch of interns in the revamp of the program since “The Incident”), that was one of the main points of the program, finding out which part of the happiness regulating process they would want to be a part of. For now I have a rough outline for what sort of jobs the Happiness Facilities have in order to keep the happiness rate steady and or slowly growing! Operatives who go to earth, Technicians who research kids before hand, Magic Engineers that oversees the magical machinery they use for the portals and filtering the raw magic, the numbers folks that calculate earths happiness and do all the cool statistics and graphs that help the technicians (techs know how to do this too, but on a more individual level, like seeing how a kids happiness levels has improved over time vs the Calculators who calculate an entire country or city), A Selection Committee that probably finds and decides which kids need assistance, a literal human resources where techs can go get info on humans and check out any magical equipment they need, like happy drones( i really gotta design these cause they’re super important to the world fjjffj, they’re basically lil drones that turn invisible and are how unicorns can do research and keep an eye on humans without risking their lives <3) 

OOf okay went on a tangent again jaja, SO the internship program Hev was a part of was specifically to help prepare them for either being a HT (happy tech) or FO (field op) because 1) bigggg job, so it requires a lot of training 2) DANGErous job, 3) but also the biggest way to literally help unicornkind 4) ANd the biggest way to get fame and fortune soooo lots of reasons to wanna join if that’s something a unicorn may be into. Usually you pick your interest before joining the program, but they’re open to undecided interns as well. You just gotta have those good grades and have a certain amount of magical potential. (Because they will either be operating huge magical machinery if they’re a tech, OR taking in HUGE amounts of magic and raw magic and USING said magic if they’re an operative, so having a certain level of magical knowledge and ability is a big deciding factor, but not the end all be all ofc) 

So for Trixie, he already decided he was going to be an Operative before hand, and so his internship program helped him with those skill sets! And once hired that’s exactly the job he got! Hev on the other hand got stuck on earth for a 100 years, and despite originally wanting to also be an Op, there was a lot of... legal issues... once they came back to earth, but in exchange for keeping quiet about the incident, the company gave them a job, the only spot that was open.. a tech, and by that point Hev just wanted any way to help humans out so they gladly accepted it. But back then if you were a part of the intern program you pretty much were guaranteed a job on the specific track you signed up for.

Now during the130ish years without the internship program,  the rules became much stricter, there was no more earth field trips for interns that’s for sure, they chose their techs and operatives very carefully, and pretty much didn’t really hire any new ones unless they already had experience, had gone through intense private training elsewhere at another company, or some form of recommendation. But luckily with time, the internship program came back, and with Hev as the companies low profile human consultant they’re hoping this time no one gets killed ;w;

[steveng-rogers]

Hostie and Wine PRIEST AU(happygowriting kinktober day 1=Food Kink )

Pairings: Stucky(StevexBucky), Dandy(DaytonxAndy), slight Ducky(DaytonxBucky) Dark-ish!Steve and Andy. College boys Bucky and Dayton. 

Rating: M+ (to be clear that is Mature, meaning if you’re under the age of 18 DO NOT READ or INTERACT)

Word Count:  4,143 

Warnings: Explicit, 18+ ONLY. M/M. Heavy blasphemy kink. Food kink. Restraints, gagging(not too heavy). Dirty talk, mild degrading. Alcohol. Demonic chants(not too weird, translation will be at the end of the fic) the real warning is the bad Latin. Blowjobs, hand jobs, anal sex, male giving and receiving. Praise kink. (If there are any thats not listed and you think I should list, let me know)

Summary: Harmless fun for Bucky and Dayton turns into a fantasy filled night with the help of father Steve and Father Andy. 

A/N:  I used CPDV(Catholic Public Domain Version) translation of the Bible because it’s easier to understand. I don’t know any Latin, so what you find here is google translated. Don’t repost this anywhere unless you have asked me for permission. I worked very hard on this :) thankyou for curtisbb for proof reading this and happygowriting for providing this awesome prompts. 

    Morning Sunday mass, early, boring, and so hard to pay attention to. It’s 

their day off and if it were any other colleges, they would be in bed and do

 whatever they desired. But being in a Catholic private college means they live

 under a strict rule of Catholicism and their many masses and some might say

 “rituals”. 

    Dayton White and Bucky Barnes are now sitting on the third row from the 

altar. Not stiff enough to sit on the very first row and not rebellious enough to

 sit in the back row like those hooligans. Plus they have enough heads to keep

 them from getting in trouble from talking to each other and from here they 

have enough distance between those heads to steal glances at their new

 priests. That is exactly their topic of whispers for almost three weeks now. 

    They look at each other, giving each other the “eyes” when the Bishop is 

trying to use slang or use any remarks to be funny. 

    “In our reading today we learned that Jesus was brought out by the spirit to

 be tempted by Satan. Now as you all know Jesus was or rather still is the OP

 (Over Powered)  man and God. He refused to be tempted you see..”

    Dayton rolled his eyes, really OP? “What is this? A video game convention?”

 Bucky laughs quietly at Dayton’s comment, making sure to bow his head so it’ll

 look like he’s coughing or something. Dayton smirks and pat Bucky’s back to

 make it more convincing to others that are watching. The angels and the

 heavens are not the only ones who've been watching the two, there are two

 pairs of glistening blues who already set their eyes on them. They know their 

ticks and their subtle coded movements. 

    Dayton felt the burns of their stare and because he is Dayton White he

 dares to look at the two priests. Father Andrew Barber holds up a finger to his

 lips, ever so subtle and quick to tell him to “hush” and Father Steve Rogers on

 the other side of him, just raised his eyebrows at the younger men. Dayton

 nudges Bucky’s elbow and points with his chin to them. He looks up, a little too

 quickly and finds Father Steve already looking at him. They look away and

 back to the Bishop. Both of the young men feel the cold shiver running down 

their spines, making them clutch the matte black blazer of their school’s 

uniform tighter around their body. Something is amidst. Something dark.  

    “And just like Jesus said in Matthew 4 verse 7, you can say to Satan that

 they cannot tempt you for you are a child of God and your faith will save you.” 

    When the time of the communion came, their favorite part. They wait for

 their turn and go in line to receive their hostie and wine. The body and the

 blood of Jesus. 

    Father Andrew holds out the white, round hostie and Dayton submissively

 opens his mouth to receive it. And father Andrew places the hostie in Dayton’s

 mouth and gives a light pressure on his thumb as it reaches the top of

 Dayton’s tongue. Bucky on the other hand is on his way to receive the wine

 from none other than Father Steve. Father Steve extends the gold chalice to

 Bucky and Bucky couldn’t help but to lick his lips. The wine is not the one he

 had in mind to satiate his thirst and father Steve saw that in his eyes. So he

 tips the chalice to Bucky’s mouth, his index finger brushes lightly against

 Bucky’s lips as it was so strategically placed on the outline of the chalice by

 father Steve. 

    No one noticed when these exchanges happened, for they are subtle and

 very easy to miss. But for the four of them, it leaves them breathless and

 wanting more, so much more. 

    Long after the mass was done and dinner was served, Bucky and Dayton

 decided to lounge around their common room. Dayton is sitting on the sofa,

 close to the window, catching up on some assigned reading and Bucky is

 sitting close to the fireplace finishing up his essay. After hours, both boys grew

 bored. Their minds start to idle and they can’t seem to concentrate on their

 task. And the saying goes, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Usually 

Dayton is the one who would come up with things to do, but today Bucky came

 up with something. Rather devilish. 

    “Dayton.” Bucky closes his laptop and sits towards his bestfriend, a playful 

grin on his face.

    “What is it?” Dayton looks up from his book and raises his eyebrows at him,

 clearly interested. 

    “You know when the priests and church staff go to sleep right?”

    “Yeah, around 9 oclock. Why?”

    “What do you say we steal some hostie and raid the wine cellar?” Bucky

 suggested and Dayton just shakes his head, impressed at how reckless Bucky

 is being right now. 

    “No and you know why.”

    Bucky stood and went over to Dayton. “They’re not yet blessed, so we'd only

 be guilty of stealing. Plus the confession room opens tomorrow and you know 

who is going to be there.” Dayton thought about being alone in the room with 

father Andrew and he’s sold. 

   “Okay fine, you got me. If we get caught, you’re taking the blame.”

    “Alright so you’re calling cauliflower?” Bucky said their code word and

 Dayton gave him a nod. The plan is locked and loaded. 

     Around nine oclock, the two best friends waited until the light on their hal

l was dimmed. Then Bucky leads them to a room where the unblessed hostie

 are made. Dayton waited outside while Bucky went in to snatch some bags of 

hostie, sure they tasted like nothing but when you’re tempted the devil will help

 you indulge. 

    Then out of the corner of his eyes, Dayton saw two figures walking towards

 where he is at. It was so dark and Dayton can only see dark shadows and by

 God, if these are ghosts he’s gonna make a run for it. Then as they walk

 closer, Dayton can make up the outline of a face and oh. Oh. He knows that 

beard, those broad shoulders, and the cross necklaces. It’s the twin priests.

 They were too busy arguing quietly until father Andrew saw him and father 

Steve followed his gaze. 

    “Mister White? What are you doing out so late?” Father Andrew raises his

 eyebrows in question and Dayton can feel his palms getting clammy. 

    “And where is mister Barnes? You two are usually together, are you not?” 

Father Steve asked as he looked around for Bucky. Dayton smiles nervously 

and reminds himself to be calm.

    “Oh well, Barnes and I are looking for uh..” He trails off as he hears Bucky’s 

footsteps getting closer to the door. “Cauliflower!” Dayton exclaimed, loud 

enough for Bucky to hear and the footsteps stopped abruptly. 

    “Cauliflower?” Father Steve and Father Andrew look at each other and back

 at Dayton. 

    “For what?” Dayton cursed in his heart, damn it. “For a project that we’re 

working on.”

    “Well, I better not find you in the confession booth tomorrow confessing

 about this lie. Or they will be severe punishments.” Father Andrew 

emphasized on the word punishment and that sends chills throughout Dayton’s

 body. 

    “Yes, father.” With that the two priests left him there and once they’re out of 

sight, Dayton exhales and knocks on the door for Bucky to come out. “Oh my

 god, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky laughs with the bag of hostie in

 his hands. “Shut up, we almost got caught.” Bucky grins and throws one of the

 bags at Dayton. “But we didn't, so come on. One more stop.” 

    Dayton went inside the wine cellar this time and Bucky was outside, to look

 out for them. Once they got the goods, they head back to their dorm room 

completely unaware that they’ve been followed. 

    The clock strikes midnight and the two boys are enjoying their wine and 

hostie in their dorm room. They’ve spiked the wine with vodka, a gift from their

 Russian friend Pietro. They’re a giggling mess, the slight buzz was a nice 

feeling, and the tasteless hostie somehow is sweeter in their mouths. 

    At exactly 12:12 am, the door opened and the boys were met with large 

figures standing on the door. “You didn’t lock the fucking door Barnes.” Dayton

 glares at Bucky, who is now looking up at father Steve. “I’m sorry..” 

    “What do we have here?” Father Steve crouches down and grabs the 

opened bag of hostie from Bucky’s hand. 

    “This doesn’t look like a cauliflower, does it?” Father Andrew asked as he 

inhaled the tip of the wine bottle. 

    Bucky and Dayton weren't sure on what to do other than to look up to the 

two men. “But you knew that Dayton and Bucky?” Father Andrew looked into 

their eyes. Both boys look down, shame burns the words out of their mouths. 

    “Come on, you two are smart right? Use your words.” Father Steve edge on.

 But they can’t even whisper a word out. “Get up both of you.” Dayton can feel

 his legs wobbles as he slowly stood. Bucky was not much better because he’s

 still on the ground. 

    “Bucky.” Father Steve warns and Bucky immediately stands. “We can expel 

the both of you for this. Do you want that?” Father Steve said, tilting Bucky’s

 chin up to look at him. Both boys shake their heads. “Didn’t I say use your 

words?” He warned them, annoyance laced his tone. “N-no father.” Bucky 

managed to stammer out. 

    “Please we’ll do anything to not get expelled.” Dayton finally spoke. “Hm 

anything?” Father Andrew hums as he locks the door behind him. “Yes, father 

Andrew anything.” He stalks over and stands in front of Dayton. “Call me 

Andy.” Dayton swallows the lump on his throat and nods. The older men

 exchange a knowing look to each other and when they turn their heads to the 

boys, the pupils in their eyes grow dark. The younger boys gasp, prickles of

 arousal dance down their bodies as the men extend their hands out to them. 

    Steve snakes his arm around Bucky’s waist and Bucky voluntarily steps 

closer to him, pressing their bodies together. Andy runs his index finger down

 Dayton’s jawline slowly, eyes following Dayton’s lips. 

    “Kiss me.” They whisper to the boys with their lips so temptingly close to 

them. 

    Bucky and Dayton close their eyes and kiss them. Dayton almost whimpers 

when Andy returns his kiss, so demanding his kiss was. He kissed Dayton so 

deeply, almost as if he wanted a taste of the wine he’d been drinking. 

    Bucky inhales deeply when Steve kisses him back, so soft as if he is to savor

 Bucky’s lips with his. He wraps his arms around Steve’s shoulder, one hand 

running through his golden locks and he tugs as Steve bites down on his lips. 

That earned Steve a hopeless moan from Bucky. 

    Andy backs Dayton to his bed. His lips find its ways to Dayton’s neck as he 

pushes him down to his bed. “Been wanting to taste you. Ever since you lick 

my finger on our first communion. You know exactly what you’re doing to me.” 

Andy whispers with his thumb brushing against Dayton’s lower lips and he bites

 down on his thumb teasingly. “ ‘course I do father, had to lay my claim on you.”

 Andy chuckles, dark and deep as he tugs Dayton’s white button down off. 

    Steve has Bucky’s legs wrapped around his waist as they kiss hungrily.

 When Bucky lays down on the bed and looks up, Steve’s black button down

 was already half opened thanks to Bucky’s wandering hands. Steve ripped his

 shirt open and maybe it’s the alcohol, but Bucky lost it as he looked up, seeing 

Steve’s bare chest and the little sun tattoo just underneath his left collar bone.

 He groans and moans out, “Daddy.” Steve smirks down at him. “Oh? You’re 

daddy’s boy huh?” Bucky’s face flushed red, pupils blown darker than the new

 moon. “Hm.” And he nods. Steve huffs, hand palming Bucky’s crotch “Use your

 words Bucky.” He gasps out, “Yes! I’m daddy’s boy.” 

    Andy pulls down Dayton’s pants along with his red briefs, then he starts to 

stroke his length drawing sweet little noises from him. “You’re already

 throbbing baby. What happens if I put my mouth on you hm? Are you gonna 

cum right away like a horny teenager?” Dayton groans in protest. Sure he had 

been deprived of this kind of fun, but that doesn’t mean he and Bucky hadn’t 

fooled around or that he was an inexperienced virgin. “Why don’t you find out

 mister Barber? Put your mouth around me and I’ll prove to you how 

‘inexperience’ I am?” Dayton smirks, he can see a flash of anger on Andy’s

 dark eyes. “You think you’re in charge here? Oh I don’t think so.  I am and 

you’ll do as I say.” Andy pulls his belt off his waist and runs the metallic tip on 

Dayton’s bare chest, making him tremble. “I told you there is going to be a 

severe punishment if I caught you and here we are.” 

    Bucky was bare as the day he was born, a quivering, and a flushed little 

thing Steve thought. “Play with yourself sweetheart, imagine it was me just like 

you’ve been confessing in the booth.” Bucky bites down on his bottom lips,

 trying to contain his moans as he slides his hand up and down his own cock. 

Steve grabs the bottle of wine and takes a huge swig out of it, palming himself 

as he watches Bucky play with himself. “Don’t bother being quiet, come on let

 daddy hear how good you sound .” Bucky’s toes curl as he moans out Steve’s

 name. “O-ohhh S..S-Steve, daddy please touch me, touch me.” Steve takes 

another swig of the wine, then he leans down to kiss Bucky, filling his mouth 

with the red liquid. “Good boy, keep going. Keep touching that pretty thing. 

Make daddy proud.” Bucky is a sucker for praises and Steve amplified that, 

with his husky and soft voice and Steve, he goddamn knows it. 

    Dayton’s hand is now all tied up to the upper railing on his bed, his fingers 

bare down on his palm, making his knuckles white as Andy toys around with 

his nipples. “Don’t you make a fucking sound. Or I’ll edge you and make you

 watch your best friend get fucked like you wanted while you’re here,

 pathetically begging for me to make you cum.” Andy sits up and takes his 

black button down off him, showing off the little moon tattoo under his left collar

 bone and that makes Dayton’s mouth water at the thought of having his mouth

 all over that tattoo. “Maybe I like to be edge Andy, won’t be the first time I 

watched my best friend get his way.” Now that was a mistake and Dayton was 

too late to pull back. Andy fished out his white, clergy collar, and enfold it

 around Dayton’s jaw, muffling his mouth. The priest breaks down the hostie 

into smaller pieces, placing it down Dayton’s chest to his happy trail where the

 skin glistens with Dayton’s precum. “I want you to remember that verse from

 Luke 22nd, about the last supper. Recite it, the last of verse 19.” Andy pulls 

down the collar just a little so Dayton could talk. The younger man breathes 

heavily as he tries to remember it. “This is my body, which is given for y-you. 

Do this as a commemoration of me ohh...” Andy growls as he licks and eats

 the white pieces of hostie along Dayton’s body. “Good, good boy.” He coos

 softly, putting the collar back on to Dayton’s mouth. 

    Bucky almost came under Steve’s watch and of course, Steve being the 

sadist that he is pulls his hand away. Bucky whined, closing his legs to hide his

 painfully hard on from Steve. “No sweetheart, keep it wide open. I want you to

 recite the memory verse I have given you. Come on I’ll help you, Luke 22nd,

 the last of verse 20.” Bucky’s wine stained lips quiver as he struggles to

 ground himself, Steve is all but smiles and proud because he knows Bucky

 could do it. “This.. uhm chalice is the new covenant in my blood, which will be

 shed f..f-for you.” Steve opens up Bucky’s jaw and pour the remaining of the

 wine into his mouth. “Drink sweet boy and don’t waste a single drop.” Steve

 commands him and Bucky gulps it down like he was told to. Before Bucky 

could finish, Steve wraps his hand around Bucky’s neck and squeezes it, 

enough to make him gasp and then he kissed him like a starved man. His 

other hand, strokes Bucky’s cock making the younger man moan into their 

kiss. “Bucky, sweetheart. Cum on my hand. You deserve it, for being so fucking

 good to me.” He whispers as he licks the droplets of the red liquor along 

Bucky’s lips and like the command of God, Bucky moans out and came all over

 the priest’s hand. “Ah! Steve-oh god, da-daddy..ah.” Bucky’s whole body 

trembles as Steve strokes his cock some more. 

    Andy and Steve are prepared to have this moment with them, have been 

planning it for months, and it’s finally here. They came willingly, well one of 

them certainly did. They glances at each other as they grab the small pack of 

lube that they’ve brought with them. Once they’ve stripped themselves naked 

and on their knees above their chosen ones, the twins starts to chant 

something like prayers under their ragged breaths. 

            “Satanas Domino, per gratiam tuam

            Concede mihi precor te 

            Ut ad virtutis in 

            Mente consipere ac reddere 

            Quam ad facere cupio.” 

    Steve teases the rim of Bucky’s hole and he shudders, still sensitive from 

coming too hard. Steve hush him quietly as he slides his lube coated fingers 

into him. Stretching him open and getting him ready for him. “Barely put up a 

fight with me. Was I always the subject in your wet dreams Bucky? Those 

things you’ve confessed to me in that dark booth, all me huh?” Bucky thought 

he was being subtle, but the shame of getting caught shot arousal to his dick

 and he tightened around Steve’s digits. “Answer me.” Steve demands and

 Bucky whimpers out, “Yes, yes. ‘S all you Steve.” 

    Dayton is painfully hard, he wanted to protest, but his mouth is stuffed and

 not in the way that he likes. Andy chuckles darkly at his attempts and without

 warning he drips the cold liquid of the lube on Dayton’s red rim and that earns

 him a choked out moan from Dayton. “You’ve finally found your match? 

Somehow you know only I can make you like this, you came with me with your

 inappropriate comments thinking that I might blush and came again wishing

 that I do them to you.” Andy slides his digits in and made a scissoring motion 

inside him, Dayton bites down on the collar trying his hardest to be quiet. Andy

 adds to the torture as he licks and sucks on the top of Dayton’s cock. 

“Mmmph-Andy!..” 

    They toy and play around with the two for what feels like hours. They want 

them savored and teased like Satan did to Eve in the garden of Eden. 

    Steve strokes himself and with Bucky all ready for him, he slid inside him 

slowly. Bucky immediately tightened around him, feeling every veins on Steve’s

 cock. “F-fuck Steve.” He moans desperately, cock already twitching and 

wanting to cum again. “By God Bucky, don’t you cum before I tell you to.” Steve

 sets a slow pace until he’s all sheathed inside him. “Fuck. Oh yes, all hot and 

tight for me. All for me huh Bucky? Goin to fuck the sweet sin into you.” Bucky 

wraps his legs around Steve, hands on his back with his fingers clawing at the 

older man’s back. Steve’s words, his cock, and the way his hand squeezes his 

legs made Bucky desperate to let go, but he can’t it all feels so good and all he

 wanted is for Steve to have him like this for the rest of his days. “Daddy oh 

god, ngh- please fuck me, harder Oh!” Steve grabs the headboard and starts

 to fuck him slow and hard, making Bucky feel every inch of him. 

    Andy has Dayton’s legs on his shoulders as he keeps teasing him, sweeping

 the tip of his cock and slowly putting it inside Dayton but not quite fucking him. 

Dayton let out a frustrated, pushing his hips down to seek more of Andy. 

“Darling you’ve got to earn it, you know that don’t you?” Tears slipped down 

Dayton’s flush cheeks, he’s so unbelievably hard and he hasn’t cum in the last 

hour. He’s aching and desperate for Andy to just fuck the daylight out of him. 

Andy took the collar off Dayton’s mouth, wanting to listen to Dayton’s pleas 

more clearly. “Andy please, you’ve tortured me enough, ah-I can’t please.” 

Andy smiles devilishly, kissing Dayton’s wet cheeks. “Can’t what hm? Take it 

anymore?” Dayton nods, his walls finally crumbling down under Andy’s touch.

 “I love hearing you beg. That honeyed voice of yours darling.” Andy gave 

Dayton what he'd been pleading for and Dayton swore he saw the halo on top 

of Andy’s head as he felt the delicious stretch on his hole. Dayton’s hole 

swallows Andy’s dick almost all the way in and Dayton is already a whimpering 

mess under the priest. Andy pushed in some more till he bottoms out, making 

Dayton cry out in pleasure, “Jesus-ah! Andy, A-ah Andy.” The said man starts 

one unrelenting pace as he pressed Dayton’s legs up to his chest to fuck him 

deeper. “Sweet heavens, you felt better than I’d imagine. Look the way you

 take my cock. Like a good fucking whore.” 

    Steve fucked Bucky until he’s on his third orgasm, Bucky is all but a writhing,

 sweet thing under him and Steve hasn’t even come once, but he’s so 

goddamn close. Steve’s hand closed around the metal railing of the headboard

 as he moves his hips hard against him. “Steve, Steve oh daddy. Fuck, fuck. ‘S 

too much.” Bucky whined, high pitched and breathy and that edged Steve on

 even more. “Almost sweetheart, daddy’s gonna cum in you yeah? Fill up that 

sweet ass of yours and make you cum again.” Bucky clenches around Steve, 

making Steve bend the metal in his hand. He rams his hips harshly as he 

finally spills his seed inside Bucky and Bucky moans lewdly as his own cock 

twitch and he came for the fourth time. “Ouhh daddy. Steve hahh.” Steve holds

 Bucky close as he rides his high, his hand loosened around the metal and he

 moans deeply in Bucky’s ear. 

    Andy has Dayton on all fours, his reddened ass in the air and his face all 

flushed against the pillow. Andy spanks Dayton’s ass as he rails him from

 behind, making Dayton whined all high pitched into the pillow that he’s 

clutching. “Fucking Christ Dayton, darling look at you. All nice and fucked out.

 Want me to cum inside you hm? Fill you nice till all you can feel is me?” Andy 

whispered in Dayton’s ear with his deep voice that made Dayton shiver. “Yes,

 yes. Give it to me. Fill me up, fill me up -ah!” Andy rams that sweet spot of 

Dayton’s as his hand snakes down to pump his cock. “Cum Dayton, you’ve 

earned it. Be a sweet boy for me darling, make me fucking proud.” Dayton’s 

mouth falls open, but not a whisper of word comes; instead his ass clenches 

around Andy’s cock as his cock shoots out hot, white cum on the sheet 

beneath him. “Yes, there you go sweet boy. You’re my sweet boy, keep coming

 baby.” Andy gave a couple of hard thrusts till he came inside Dayton, his head 

falling upward like Cain did when he worshipped God. Andy growled deep and

hoarse as he filled Dayton up, Dayton hums sweetly as Andy leans down and 

kisses down his back. 

    The twin cleans their partners up with warm towels, making sure they’re 

going to be comfortable come morning. The clock strikes 3 am and the two 

priests quietly slip out of the dorm room. Their eyes gave out glints of red, a

 devilish smirk painted across their lips as they walked side by side. “Who 

would’ve thought?” Steve chuckles. “You know what he said,  fruits taste better 

when they’re forbidden.” Who would’ve thought that demons only prey on 

beautiful women? They prey on beautiful men too.

Translation of the Latin piece: Lord Satan, by your grace, grant me, I pray thee the power to conceive in my mind and to execute that which I desire to do. 

[dontcallmecarrie]

Getting Caught Up

It was embarrassingly obvious, in retrospect: while Maria Carbonell [formerly Stark] was undeniably a force of nature, she was also not necessarily a good influence on small children. 

Not a bad one, either, but...it was moments like these that highlighted just how surreal this whole mess felt, for James, as he struggled to wrap his head around the shit these two pulled over the years.

“It should go without saying but I’ll say it anyway.” He found himself saying as he pinched the bridge of his nose at the realization, “No, Tony, ‘getting better blackmail’ should not be your go-to for everything.”

.

“Maria, just when did you get the chance to get your hands on classified material?”

All he got as an enigmatic smile and a “I never reveal my sources.”

Jerks. 

.

“Okay, but just what were you planning on doing if I’d been...there?” He asked, after the reminder that the kid he’d taught how to shave and throw a decent punch had apparently datamined world governments and now-defunct black ops and Area 51 in his search.

[He wasn’t sure if he felt more flattered, embarrassed, or exasperated that all he got was “it seemed like a good idea at the time”. These two, seriously.]

The look Maria and Tony shared did absolutely nothing for his blood pressure. 

Neither did the way Tony shrugged, tweaked something in his gauntlet, and muttered, “We would’ve figured something out.”

Oh boy.

Right, okay, that was it: James was not going to let himself go on ice ever again. [The fate of the free world might very well depend on it.]

.

“...okay, was anyone going to tell me that the Soviet Union collapsed, or was I supposed to know that when I woke up? And where were you two in all this?” 

Before, when Tony didn’t meet his gaze it usually meant guilt of the ‘ate the last cookie’ or ‘forgot to get more milk after finishing it off’ variety. 

Now, part of James wasn’t even surprised when he saw some of the old Red Room dossiers buried under old newspapers and what appeared to be blueprints for older versions of Tony’s armor. 

“Tony? Something you want to tell me?” He raised an eyebrow.

“...Siberia’s lovely this time of year? Didn’t get you a souvenir though. Sorry.”

.

“SHIELD has been putting more people into looking for you.” Maria said evenly. “They’re getting kind of warm, too. I’m doing what I can to muddy the trail, but...”

Ah. 

James rubbed his shoulder and grimaced. Tony’d removed the red star years ago at his request, but...kind of hard to hide the Winter Soldier’s calling card otherwise.

“Anything I can do?”

She shook her head. “It’s going to come out eventually. What we want to control is the when and how— which is why Tony keeps bringing up the blackmail.” 

Tony didn’t look up from the tangle of wires he was working on. “Hey, we all know they’re going to try and disappear you or something, again. Least we can do is get enough leverage to keep that from happening. Elsewise they’re going to get a very pissy Iron Man, because other than that I’m out of ideas.” 

Ah, yes. The family classic, nothing like threats of wanton destruction being used as methods of affirmation. 

...was there a genre for lines like that on greeting cards? ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, if you need help hiding a body you know who to call’, ‘Merry Christmas, also I would topple small governments in your name’? Oh bother he was getting off track. 

“How about I lay low and hope this blows over.” He cut in desperately before things could escalate because last thing they needed was Tony’s AI deciding that HAL 9000 was a good role model instead of a warning and why had he missed these jerks, again?

. 

“Director, we’re picking up strange activity again. Same place as last time, similar frequency.”

“You know what to do, agent.”

[liquidthedefunctblog]

Hal and Dave play The Twin Snakes: Part 1

A fan fiction in which a nerdy scientist and a gruff soldier play a game they never agreed to star in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snake sat on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette. In their pursuit of a new model of Metal Gear, he and Otacon had found themselves staying in a run down hotel room. It was unclean and cramped, but it served its purpose as a cheap place to stay. They had several days to wait until the opportune time to make their move, so Hal had gone out to stock up on any basic supplies they may require: food, water, a pack of Moslems (Snake was adamant that you never knew when a cigarette may come in handy during a mission, though Hal knew this was an obvious cover up for his addiction). He had left about an hour ago, making his return almost imminent. The pair had been travelling together attempting to rid the world of Metal Gears for about a year now, so Snake had grown used to his habits.

About five minutes later the door opened up. A thin man wearing a white jacket and a blue turtleneck stumbled in, attempting to juggle three paper bags while turning the door handle. Snake remained sat down, and removed the cigarette from his mouth before speaking in a dry tone.

"You know you could have knocked."

Hal ignored him, less to be disrespectful and more because he was currently occupied, and waddled over to the other bed. He dropped the bags onto it and began going through the supplies.

"Canned food, bottled water, nicotine patches, a can ope-"

"Nicotine patches?" Snake interrupted.

Otacon held up the box of patches and responded in an unusually stern tone, "Yup. If you don't want to help yourself Snake, then I'm going to help you."

"Hrmmph," Snake grumbled and put the cigarette back in his mouth.

Suddenly, Hal perked up with excitement, "Oh Snake, I bought something else too."

He began rummaging through the bags before pulling out a black plastic case. Hal threw it over to Snake who began analysing it. It seemed to show him and... Liquid. Snake scowled at the thought of his clone brother. He looked at the top of the case.

"Metal...Gear?" Snake proceeded to look at the subtitle.

"The Twin Snakes?" Snake continued, as confused as before.

He looked down at the bottom of the case, "Produced by... Hideo Kojima? I've heard that name before... wasn't he a spy under the command of Big Boss?"

Hal heaved his suitcase onto the bed before letting out an exhausted breath. Once he recovered he shot Snake an exasperated glare.

"What are you talking about Snake? Mr Kojima is one of the most respected game developers in the world. Anyway, I hear he didn't have too much to do with this one."

"Well, a person can have two jobs," Snake muttered.

"So, this is one of those video game things huh? Using the most terrible weapon ever built to make a quick buck... sounds like this Mr Kojima is just as bad as the suits who put Metal Gear into production."

Otacon lifted his head out of the suitcase, looking personally offended by Snake's comments.

"No, you've got it all wrong Snake. I hear the game's story does a great job of showing the evils of nuclear weaponry. Mr Kojima wrote it himself!"

Hal nodded, as though this fact somehow verified everything he had said, before going back to rummaging through the suitcase.

Snake turned over the case.

"Alaskan military installation... why am I getting the feeling I've heard this somewhere before?"

Hal pulled some wires out of the suitcase before looking over at Snake, his hand awkwardly rubbing his neck.

"They uh, well Snake you see they... they made the game about Shadow Moses."

"What!?" Snake looked over at the awkward scientist, what remained of his cigarette falling to the ground. He proceeded to stamp on it with his boot, both to put it out and to release his anger.

"Do they have any respect? What happened there shouldn't be trivialised in a children's toy."

Otacon, again looking wounded by his partner's words, made vague gestures with his hands while attempting to justify the game's existence.

"I'm sure they understood the graveness of the situation Snake. Think of it... think of it like a historical movie."

Snake mumbled, "You're not giving this thing a good image here Otacon," as he thought back to when Hal had deceived him into watching Titanic under the pretence that it was an accurate historical account.

"Well anyway, we might as well give it a try. It's not like we have much else to do for the the next few days," Hal said as he triumphantly lifted a strange black cube with a handle from the suitcase.

Snake grumbled once more before looking over at the cube, which Hal was attempting to connect to the room's small television with the wires he had pulled out earlier.

"Are we going to play this thing on your lunchbox there Otacon?"

Hal, who despite his great feats of engineering seemed to be having trouble working out which wire went where, responded without even looking up.

"This is a Nintendo Gamecube Snake. It's the latest system from a beloved game developer, though I hear they're working on an even more powerful one, and it's what we're gonna play the game on. You can see the logo on the top of the case."

Snake turned the case back over, and sure enough there was a logo sitting right there.

"These the ones who made that 2600 thing?" the soldier questioned.

Hal sighed, plugging in the final wire before turning around, "That was Atari, Snake. You really need to get with the times, this stuff is common knowledge. Anyway, the system's ready." He turned on the television and sat in the room's lone chair.

Snake groaned at his ally's definition of common knowledge before walking over to where he was sat and looming over his chair.

The two stared at the screen as various logos popped up. Eventually the logo of the game itself appeared, with several snakes coiled as though to resemble two strands of DNA in the background. Hal turned around from his chair, and gave his partner a serious glare.

"Well Snake, this is it. Are you ready?"

Snake internally chuckled at the scientist's intense tone, but remained stoic on the outside. He gave a small nod.

"Okay then, I'll get it started."

Otacon moved through some menus, before eventually reaching one labelled "Difficulty". Snake watched as he immediately moved down to the option labelled "Extreme". He didn't know much about these "video games", but he assumed that to be the most challenging option available.

"Extreme? Doesn't that seem a little overboard?"

Hal emitted a noise halfway between a sigh and a chuckle, his face remaining glued to the screen.

"Oh Snake, you really don't know anything about games do you? Don't worry, they make these things way too easy these days. You gotta go as high as possible if you want to have any sort of challenge."

Dave made a low "Hrmph" sound under his breath, before Hal jumped up slightly, sounding excited once again.

"It's starting!"

That Kojima fellow's name appeared on screen once again, before the screen began to display what Snake presumed to be a submarine in the ocean. This was all but confirmed when the words "Alaska-Bering Sea" appeared. A submarine and a straight path, maybe this modern stuff wasn't too different from the simple games he had seen installed at bars in the past. Snake bent down and began fiddling with Hal's controller.

"So, we're the submarine huh?" he said as he moved the control stick left and right, a sense of pride in his words.

Otacon tried desperately to push Dave aside, sounding annoyed with his lack of knowledge.

"This is a cutscene Snake! They tell the game's story! Haven't you ever played a video game before?"

Snake moved away, visibly shocked, "Cutscene? This isn't sounding much like Space Invaders..."

Hal recovered from Snake's attempt to grab the controller, and turned to face him again.

"You know Space Invaders huh Snake?" he said before turning back around and muttering to himself, "Well that's something I guess..."

Snake smirked, looking incredibly pleased with himself, "Number 8 at the local bar back in Alaska."

Otacon kept his eyes on the screen, unimpressed with Snake's achievement.

"And how many people are playing Space Invaders in the middle of Alaska?"

"Well the leaderboard only ever hit nine people," he muttered awkwardly. Trying to change the subject he looked up at the screen on which he saw a man with demonic looking black eyes wearing a beret. Two names flashed up next to him,

"Roy Campbell (Paul Eiding)"

"That's the Colonel! ...What happened to his eyes?"

"C'mon Snake, don't be so harsh. These graphics are the best they can do."

Snake prayed his old friend would never have to see this

"What's the insertion method?"

Hal, who was fiddling with the controller, looked back at his partner, "Huh Snake?"

Snake raised an eyebrow and shook his head, before pointing at the television with his folded arm. Right after he did so, another pair of names flashed up.

"Solid Snake (David Hayter)"

Snake almost did a double take as he saw this, "That voice was... me?! It was awful!"

Hal made a cautious noise of disagreement, "Actually Snake, I think he's got you down pat."

Snake grew slightly red in the face, while the gravel in his voice became even more apparent, "Well that's not what I hear!"

"You're a chain smoking clone of a chain smoking soldier Snake, what were you expecting?"

Snake thought for a moment, "Who's the guy in that 24 show? He sounds pretty good."

Hal gave a wry smile, "Kiefer Sutherland? In your dreams Snake."

Snake looked down at the ground in embarrassment, "Just watch the damned game."

The "cutscene" ended with Snake's rise from the water at the Shadow Moses Dock. Otacon placed the controller down on the table, and stood up from the chair.

"You know what Snake, I want you to try this."

Snake let out a short, sharp grunt

"C'mon, it'll be fun. It can't hurt to try."

"Hrmph, fine."

Snake sat down in the chair and picked up the controller, "How the hell do I use this thing?"

"Don't worry, the game tells you what to do."

As if on cue, the iconic sound of the codec blared from the television while portraits of Snake and Campbell appeared on screen.

"Hmph, is this some kind of puzzle?"

Snake fiddled with some buttons on the controller, eventually skipping the Colonel's guidance entirely.

"Or... not," Hal mumbled as his shoulders sagged.

Meanwhile, Snake returned to his prior task of attempting to get the 3D model of himself to move, spinning the control stick in confusion. Eventually through sheer luck he managed to not only reach a crawling position, but make his way under the pipe. He proceed to move forward, however he stopped in his tracks when a loud noise was emitted.

"!"

Suddenly the word "Alert" had appeared in the corner of the screen, and some dramatic music had begun playing.

"Otacon, what the hell is going on."

"You've started an alert phase Snake! You don't have the means to fight the guards right now, so try and hide!" Hal responded as he bounced up and down nervously.

"Hide? What if I head back to the pipe?"

Snake ran back where he came from, the guards hot in pursuit.

Hal looked down at him from behind, almost screaming into his ears.

"Snake? What are you doing? Snake? Snaaakee?"

Snake moved away from his partner's yelling, grunting as he did so, "Calm down Otacon. What if I-" Snake was cut off by a loud guttural scream as his digital self fell to the ground, blood spilling everywhere. Some new words appeared on the screen.

"Game Over"

"..."

"..."

"Give me the controller Snake."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2 comes when I can be arsed to put effort in.

[burlybanner]

Syzygy -6

Syzygy - An AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Chapter 6: S**t Gets Too Real

Chapter 6 Summary:  Tony Stark’s a genius. Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t.

 Gentle warning: Slob stuff and multiple stuffings ahoy.

Link to Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

** Surprisingly, Bruce got hungry pretty damn quick after Hulk's stuffing. He didn't think he'd feel hungry ever again but after eating a banana he'd soaked in a double portion of his gainer solution, his stomach roared to life soon after waking. Being so suddenly and frightfully hungry shocked him, but thank the chubby powers-that-be that Steve had a huge country breakfast waiting. Bruce gobbled multiple servings of buttery Belgian waffles soaked in syrup, several donuts, half a coffee cake from his favorite bakery, and a couple of spinach mushroom quiches.

Which, to be honest,  was nothing near lunch a few hours later at a private buffet ("to celebrate new growth," Tony'd told the manager). Bruce had rolled his eyes. Of course Tony said something that stupid out loud. They'd brought some of the gainer formula to the buffet, shook it over Bruce’s food, and Bruce tore into the portions like a bull in a glass factory. And it surprised him. It took an hour of heavy gorging before he almost felt full and he'd never eaten that much for that long before. But it felt...great. No, more than that. He felt incredibly pleased. Sated. Beyond high. 

His pants got so tight at the restaurant he'd had to undo his belt.

His fullness turned him on and he begged Tony and Steve to blow him in the limo, on the way back home. But they weren’t total heathens; they waited until they returned for stuffing sex, 

where one of his boyfriends fed him sickeningly sweet desserts while the other blew him, effectively creating double orgasms. 

God. They'd been ridiculously horny. Insatiable rabbits.

And then there was dinner. Holy shit, dinner turned into another orgy when they mixed the day's remaining formula into his meals. After several dishes and baskets of rolls Bruce couldn't suck in his gut to fasten his pants. His stomach bloated and swelled in his lap as he slurped down sweet sriracha chicken,  Thai coconut curry, and on and on. Food continued coming as fast as he ate it and he barely choked one meal down before the next course presented itself. He'd spilled a ton of food down his shirt, but he didn't care. He mindlessly gobbled everything up like a sloppy, greedy piggy wallowing in mess.

Then they sated themselves with sex. Again and again.

Bruce's body quivered from the memories and his dick jumped in his pants. He wondered how the rest of the night would go which dampened his enthusiasm. He had to fall asleep and his body would be taken over, forced to consume whatever Hulk desired. Thinking about Hulk's "meal" worked like ice water on his libido.

Bruce sighed and nervously squeezed his stomach. "You really found everything?"

"Sure did, Pooh."

"I would've...no. I wouldn't' have asked. I can't imagine what you went through to get it. After everything I ate today, I thought you would've been sick of catering to me."

Tony smiled gently and gave Bruce a quick kiss on the lips while slipping on a pair of sweatpants and his nano shirt. "For you? I'd buy the moon, Pooh Bear. Besides, today's good eatin' was to slick you up for tonight. You don't think Steve and I noticed your apprehension? Perish the thought. You're stuck with us."

"And how," Steve sighed, coming up behind him. Steve was still floating in a post-coital glow and his high was infectious. He wrapped his arms around Bruce's shoulders and gently swayed him side to side, palming Bruce’s spare tire while bouncing his heavy overhang. "Betcha gained a ton today, Porkpie."

Bruce shuddered with lust and kissed Steve's arm. "We'll see."

"We still have the bonus round," Tony told them. He snapped his fingers. "Bruce, bed. Steve, get him sleepy." He checked his watch. "I've got caterers to catch."

Bruce suddenly perked up. "They're here? Already?"

"In an hour. But I need to set up for Hulk. He likes his food ready and he likes getting messy, as you know."

Bruce snorted softly. "I saw."

"I've got a few things prepared. No worries, Brucie, it's not about you now. Rest up for the nightly pig-out."

Bruce chewed the inside of his cheek. "Be careful, yeah?"

"Always, Brucie Bear. Always." Tony winked and skittered out, but Bruce wasn't convinced. Tony could be notoriously bad at self-preservation and he'd need all of his skills for the Hulk.

Please be careful, he thought as a silent litany, even as Steve kissed his neck and led him to their bed.

**

"Yeah, lay it out."

The caterer and their helpers looked confused. "On the--"

"On the tarp, yeah. Line up the steno and servers in a line. The tarp's fireproof," Tony explained, although he doubted they thought that was the weird thing. "Set it up. I'll take care of the rest."

"Of course, Mr. Stark."

Fortunately they didn't bat an eye. He figured they'd seen weirder things. Probably from him, come think.

He gave the catering crew time to plate everything but kept checking his watch. He still had to prep before Bruce showed up.

When they lit the last steno he clapped his hands. Only one startled. Good. "Awesome. All finished? Wonderful. Someone'll drop off your gear tomorrow, or you can bill us. Jarvis, see 'em out. Thanks." He shoved a bunch of hundreds at the nearest person.

"If you would, please follow the lights as I direct you to the exits." A few of the newbies blinked around the room, but most of them knew the drill; they'd dealt with Jarvis before and knew their way out.

When the last one left the kitchen, Tony let out a slow puff of air and stilled his breathing. "How're we on time, J?"

"The last caterer will leave the building in approximately two-point-six minutes, sir. From what I've been observing with Captain Rogers, I estimate Doctor Banner will enter NREM sleep in approximately six minutes."

"Perfect. You clear on the plan?"

Tony could almost hear Jarvis sigh. The minute pauses mimicked one enough times. "Of course, sir. Although if I may interject?"

"Shoot." Tony darted around, finishing the set up before Bruce-Hulk lumbered in.

"I assume Doctor Banner will want--"

"Nope, no," Tony said, cutting off his AI. "This is a need-to-know op only and Banner doesn't need to know. Not until there's conclusive proof. You cut the feed on my mark, got it? Don't go all HAL on me."

"Perish the thought, sir." Jarvis would be chuckling, if he were human. "But I felt I needed to voice my concerns, considering your current relationship status."

"Duly noted. Bruce will...well." Tony gestured flippantly. "Either way we'll know conclusively and I'll apologize to Bruciekins tomorrow. I'll have to drag the rest out of him later anyway."

"Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission?"

"You got it, J."

**

Within ten minutes of Tony's talk with Jarvis heavy feet slapped the kitchen floor. Not as heavy as Hulk's actual feet but it wasn't Bruce's footfalls either; Bruce's tread was normally softer and shuffled more. The new steps were definitely steps of purpose and power.

"Hey, Hulk, it's Tony. I'm over here."

"Tin Man?"

Bruce - no, Hulk - poked his head into the formal dining room. It was damn weird, but Tony had no problem differentiating between Hulk taking Bruce's body, and Bruce himself.

"Yeah, it's me. Have a seat. I got your grub."

Hulk snuffled and snorted the air, and plopped heavily next to Tony. "Smells good. What's that?" He poked a server, and Tony lifted it.

"Twice fried ostrich wings, like you requested. Cajun spiced, using a seasoning mix from that guy you remembered on TV."

"Prudhomme magic," Hulk rumbled, and Tony stopped short from reeling in surprise. No. Definitely not stupid. At all.

He'd have to keep on his toes.

"That's right. Chef Prudhomme's legendary seasonings." He watched as Hulk took an ostrich wing and sniffed it cautiously. Laughing, he stuck half in his mouth and crunched it, bones and all.

"Good. Good ostrich!"

“Some of the best chefs in Louisiana fried it up and sent it to you. We've also got your--" he tore off another lid, "--deep fried Rocky Mountain Oysters, swimming in white gravy, and..." he removed another server lid and stopped short of shuddering. “Crocodile and alligator tripe, simmering in an alligator head with the eyeballs still attached. Just like you wanted."

Hulk grunted his approval, scooped a hand in the warm stew, and slurped it. "Good. Very good. Where's main dish?"

Tony sighed deeply. "Big Green, you've got some unique tastes and I'm diggin' the vibe. But just know for Bruce's sake we couldn't serve it to you raw."

Hulk slammed his fist on the floor, but it was still Bruce's fist. So Tony called it a win despite his tantrum. "Cap said anything!"

"Yeah, he did. But think about it. You wanna do Bruce a solid, right? Make him big and cuddly, like you?"

Hulk snorted, but folded his arms in a childish pout. "Yeah."

"And you wanna make sure you can do this again, right?"

"Hmph."

"Then you gotta do right by him. You're in his body, so take it easy." Tony removed the last lid. "Ta-daa...frog and rattlesnake stir fry. Not quite raw but as close to raw as we could make it without making Bruce sick."

Hulk grabbed a handful of the hot dish and shoved it in his mouth. "Banner not get sick," he muttered. A frog leg tumbled from his lips as he talked with a full mouth. "Banner has Hulk's immunity. No poison can kill Hulk!"

"True, true," Tony said. "But it can hurt Bruce temporarily. He wouldn't want that, and he'd kinda hate you for it."

"Mm." Tony could tell Hulk was mulling it over as he continued shoving the food into his mouth with his bare hands. The last server had the deep fried andouille sausage with crayfish gumbo in it (crayfish heads still attached, of course), but Tony figured Hulk would get to that eventually. It was definitely the messiest of all the dishes. Who knew Hulk was such a foodie of weird foods?

"Andrew Zimmern ain't got nothin' on you," Tony muttered.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, Hulk. Go back to feasting."

Hulk nodded vigorously and scooped fistfulls of one dish, then the other, and poured them into his mouth. A lot fell to the tarp, but Hulk scraped up the scraps. Waste not, want not, he supposed.

After five minutes of watching Hulk develop an easy eating rhythm Tony licked his lips. "Hey, Jarv," he said quietly.

Jarvis relayed his response to Tony's hidden earpiece: "Understood, sir."

Although Bruce pinned a GoPro to his robe Tony'd hacked the camera days ago. He had Jarvis loop the feed so it'd show Hulk chowing down. He knew he'd only have a few minutes before it'd look suspicious, so he had to hope he got everything he needed from Hulk in one take.

"Hulkie," he began. "You love Tin Man, right? Love all this great food?"

"Mm. Yes. Good food. More tomorrow?"

"Sure. Let me know what you want before we wrap up tonight. Can't promise you everything, but we'll do what we can. Like the rattlesnake. That fair?"

Hulk snorted and dumped a handful of the gumbo in his mouth. Which, of course, dripped down on everything. "Is okay. But not great."

Tony chuckled. "I get it," he said, then sobered. "I also get what you're not telling Bruce. You're workin' the system, Big Green. Not sure I'm okay with that, and I know Bruce won't be."

Hulk didn't respond, but continued stuffing his face.

Good. He knows I'm on to him.

"Pull back on the control shit - you're mucking around with Bruce's subconscious more than he's aware; I saw you at dinner today. Don't deny it."

Hulk laughed, deep and throaty. "Fooled you. And Banner."

"A little, yeah. But I know that's not all - you're not dumb but neither am I. You helped Bruce with that gainer cocktail, didn't you? I'm guessing there's more junk in there than Bruce realizes."

Hulk stilled, and for the first time that night Tony wondered if he'd have to activate the nanosuit. "I see what Banner sees," he murmured. His voice was oddly calm, oddly quiet. "But Banner doesn't see what I see. He doesn't know what I know."

Bingo.

"It's all an act, isn't it?"

"No."

A chill came over Tony and his brain overclocked. "Shit...Hulk isn't the only one in Bruce's head, is he?"

He almost smiled, but the expression wasn't Hulk's. Wasn't Bruce's, either. "Are you going to tell on us?"

Don't. Don't freak out. Don't. Freak. "Depends." Tony was surprised at how calm he kept his voice. "Who are you, and what are you planning?"

The Person sighed softly and briefly brushed away food from Bruce's robe. "Actually, I like being left out of things. I work behind the scenes, and I don't wish any harm. I'm actually the one helping maintain control over Hulk these days...I suppose in a pinch you could call me the lecturer-researcher construct." He paused, tilting his chin before sharply nodding.  "Call me Professor."

Tony swallowed. "Professor? Like when Bruce works at NYU?"

Professor hummed. "I'm present at any event where he's teaching, or when he learns something new. But honestly, I'm harmless. You've seen me before - I was the first to touch the Tesseract."

Tony sat back on his heels and scrutinized Professor sharply. "Huh. Yeah..." he gestured lamely at Professor's face. "I can see it now, a little. I remember that expression." Burned forever in his brain, now.

Sighing heavily Tony licked his lips, pausing at whatever seventh hell revelation this was. "So, um." He shook his head. He wanted a drink. Several. Despite cutting back for his boyfriends' sakes he wanted to drown his brain in a tank of whiskey. "Where...?"

"Where does this put the four...hum. Five of us?"

Tony nodded lamely. "You outflanked me. Royally."

"Did I?" Professor seemed to take that in stride, and smiled coyly to himself. "It wasn't my intention. I simply revealed my hand because it was timely. There wasn't anything left to hide." He tilted his head and gazed at Tony. "It doesn't change anything. Of course you should tell Banner and yes, even Captain Rogers, but do ask yourself if this is the right time. Could be fairly disastrous for the three of you if your timing's off." Tony narrowed his eyes slightly. Was that a veiled threat--?

Professor stretched and yawned, and held his hands above his head for a beat. "I'm actually quite pleased Banner wishes to become immobile, Tony." He smiled softly and ran his hands over Bruce's swollen belly, imitating a mother-to-be's reverence. The image burned Tony's retinas and he felt sick - maybe a bit horrified. "I'm looking forward to reading all the books I've yet to read and I'm glad for the time I'll have to myself."

Professor checked his wrist, as if viewing an invisible watch. "By the way, you should tell Jarvis to turn the camera feed back on. It's been far longer than five minutes."

Tony snorted. "You sly motherfucker. You knew all along."

"Of course I did." He winked and saluted Tony with two fingers. "Be seeing you, Tony."

Tony watched as Bruce's body shook before returning to shoving food in its face.

"Good food! Hulk wants more tomorrow."

"Sure thing, Big Guy," Tony whispered. He let out a shuddering breath and ran a hand down his face. "Jarv, tell me you recorded all that."

"Yes."

The AI's response was curt and to the point; he probably had as much to think about as Tony did.

"What the ever living fuck."

"Sir. Doctor Banner's Person was correct in one sense. It's been far too long, and there's bound to be an interrupting glitch in the feed if closely scrutinized."

"Yeah. I know." Tony licked his lips and made a circular motion in the air. "Go ahead and turn it back to black, J. Shit. I have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna say tomorrow. Hell, I dunno if I can keep up pretenses tonight."

"Might I suggest trying your best, sir? Especially as we're going live in three...two--"

"Shit."

But somehow Tony plastered his showman's grin to mask his shell-shocked face pretending for all the world he didn't do a Prince of Bel-Air, Freaky Friday flip. He watched Hulk eat most, if not all, of the dishes and he whistled for the 'bots to clean up the mess before guiding Hulk to the shower and repeating what Steve had done the previous night. But his mind was split and he knew he couldn't maintain the act for long. Both Bruce and Steve'd know something was up but he wasn't sure how, or when, he'd tell them.

God. He hated covert shit.

Ch. 7

[captainofthetidesbreath]

My favorite small Overwatch theory is the Jesse is Joel Morricone theory. In brief: it is speculated that Jesse and Joel, a minor character who works as a writer, are the same person.

This theory stems from the positive view Morricone takes of vigilantism, his defense of Jesse’s vigilantism, and his self-description as a “white hat wearer” and “pundit for hire” and from quotes about Jesse’s name on Hollywood and his identity in spawn interaction with Sombra.

Meet the Press

Morricone is a very minor character in the lore, a journalist who wrote an opinion column about rising vigilantism: “The New Peacekeepers: Vigilante Justice — Vital in a Post-Overwatch World?” The first paragraph, except for the last phrase, of the column was tweeted by @PlayOverwatch in March 2015, prior to the closed beta period, as part of introducing the world, the lore, and the characters. This column helped introduce Jesse, and it’s the only piece of lore that mentions Morricone. The image in the tweet also appears in the Overwatch Visual Source Book in Jesse’s section, with the first paragraph complete. It’s the version shown below for that reason, despite being of lower quality:

The New Peacekeepers Vigilante Justice — Vital in a Post-Overwatch World?

By Joel Morricone // Guest Blogger, Coffee Drinker, White Hat Wearer, Pundit For Hire

[Photo of a flaming Rikimaru Ramen Shop van in a cordoned off street in Hanamura] Street still in shambles following noodle joint shootout—who’s keeping us safe?

COLUMN—The scent of gunsmoke mingled with the aroma of gyōza following yesterday’s thwarted ramen shop robbery attempt. And while the mainstream media focused on the anachronistic fashion sense of the stranger who saved the day, I want to know whether he’s the self-appointed sheriff of the corner store, too. We’re told we live in an era of peace, but crime is running rampant, and the authorities don’t seem to care. If folks like him want to protect us, maybe we should just let ‘em round up a posse and ride.

Tangent, I want to point out the joke in the headline: Peacekeeper is the name of Jesse’s revolver. If Jesse is Joel, that’s very cheeky of him to do.

Joel is thought to be Jesse for several reasons, one of which is the opinion taken in this column: a support of vigilantism to make up for slack law enforcement in recent years and maintain order, peace, and justice. The article is also written in a diction very similar to McCree’s.

(As a sidebar, although it’s often joked that, if this theory holds true, Jesse writes so positively about himself, really, the structure suggests that it isn’t an article about himself, it’s just he’s using a recent incident involving himself as a way into the topic, a common rhetorical device—and he actually isn’t that glowing about himself, and he even makes a small dig at how he dresses in line with the popular comment.)

It’s worth mentioning that Jesse seems to keep tabs on how the media portrays him and how the public sees him, or at least keeps tabs on why he’s wanted, based on his comments in the “Train Hopper” comic.

Top panel. “This ain’t got nothing to do with me. If I show my face, guess who gets the blame? Again.”

Bottom panel. Jesse is watching news coverage of the attempted robbery. “[Train staff:] We arrive at Houston in three minutes. What do you want us to say to the police? I think they’re blaming you for this. They mean to arrest you.” “[Television:] The fugitive is wanted for murder, theft...” “[Jesse:] Yeah, I figured.”

Joel’s self description also tends to evoke Jesse, especially in “white hat wearer” and “pundit for hire”. A white hat is an old filmmaking convention as a symbol to separate the good guys (the white hats) from the bad guys (the black hats), especially seen in Westerns beginning with The Great Train Robbery; Jesse himself has a White Hat skin referencing this convention. “Pundit for hire” echoes Jesse’s description as a “gunslinger for hire” in his official bio.

The Man With No Name

To get two minor tidbits out of the way: Joel Morricone’s name references Westerns. He shares a name with Ennio Morricone, a film composer who notably scored every Sergio Leone film since A Fistful of Dollars, which includes The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, which Jesse makes liberal reference to both in design and in quotes. In addition to sharing references to Westerns, Joel and Jesse also share the same initials.

On more weighty points, Jesse was infamously difficult to name during development. Developers created two lists of names—first and last—and nothing really stuck until the name of one of the designers was floated (Wired: Every Overwatch Hero Explained By Blizzard’s Michael Chu). Before they finally settled on that name, he was known as “Joel” in development (Reddit: Gunslinger Joel, lampshaded by Kaplan at PAX East 2015). Within this theory, it is believed that this development history led to the names having been reshuffled to become one of Jesse’s aliases. 

Two quotes in-game reference Jesse’s name. On Hollywood, Hal-Fred Glitchbot, the passenger in the payload, comments, “What, Jesse McCree? That is a terrible name for a cowboy.” It’s felt to be a reference to the real-world difficulty of naming Jesse and the struggle of going through lists of terrible names in the search for a perfect name for a cowboy. Within the theory, it’s felt to be an indication that something is off about who Jesse says he is.

Similarly, Sombra and Jesse have a spawn interaction surrounding Jesse’s name:

Sombra: Pleasure working with you McCree... if that is your real name. McCree: Don't know what you heard, but my name's not Joel. Best remember that.

Just like the first, it’s also felt to reference to the real-world struggle of finding a name for him. Lore-wise, it’s part of a series of elements in which Sombra is investigating Jesse. He appears in images alongside Ana and Jack in her room on the Castillo map:

Computer screen showing Jesse and Ana, connected through an Overwatch symbol. The screen also shows the eye symbol Sombra uses to represent the large global conspiracy and “ESCANEAR...”, indicating in Spanish that she is scanning for something.

Documents lying on the floor, including a photo of Jesse, a circled photo of young Jack, and papers about Lumerico.

This exchange is also similar to one she has with Genji, her statement even employs the same structure:

Sombra: You wouldn't believe what I learned about you... Sparrow. Genji: I'm at peace with who I was. Your threat does not concern me.

Sombra is investigating Jesse, in the way that she’s investigating other key characters, and given her skill, she is in great position to find out all sorts of things about him. His defensiveness and hasty denial of an identity that was not mentioned is possibly an indication that there is merit to her suggestion that his real name isn’t what he says it is.

Why do it?

To get speculative about it, why? There isn’t much in the way to explain why Jesse would have two identities or why he’d stop laying low as Joel Morricone.

We don’t know, well, anything about what Jesse is doing in the present, besides hunting bounties, hopping on trains to Houston, drinking in Mexican bars on Christmas, letting Echo out of her box. It isn’t known what he did in the years after he left Blackwatch and went off the grid, no information on how he supported himself or kept busy in those years. After Overwatch’s Golden Age, after Rialto, after the Swiss HQ explosion, it’s possible that McCree is too publicized to drop off the map. (Maybe even too much a target for Talon?) In contrast, who cares about a particularly opinionated local journalist? Who would expect Jesse McCree, gunslinger and black ops agent, to turn to a career as a pundit and start writing a law and crime opinion column?

Why resurface then when he has things well set up as Joel, if he’s trying to keep a low profile? Joel’s article gives one reason: "We’re told we live in an era of peace, but crime is running rampant, and the authorities don’t seem to care." It’s clearly outlined throughout the lore that when Overwatch collapsed, the world seemed to be at its height in peace; however, that peace quickly collapsed, and it was felt that Overwatch ought to return. As an individual, Jesse is defined by a relentless pursuit of justice, and for decades he’s contextualized his own ongoing journey of redemption as something that is achieved by “righting the injustices of the world” to use a phrase from his bio. If writing did little to stem the rising tides of crime and injustice, he isn’t one to sit by and watch it get worse.

[annashipper]

Belated Megapost - 09/04/18

Anna:  Sorry I’m so late in posting these, but I was away from Tumblr for a day and a half and this is what happens when I don’t empty my inbox.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 1:  "i'm fascinated by how many posts there are saying in effect, "this one did it for me, I no longer believe they have kids."--- sorry anon but where r u seeing this lol

Anna:  I thing it’s probably the fact that Ben and Weirdo seemingly left the pillows back in London to travel to Vermont for the Bunes’ wedding during Easter weekend (after leaving them back in London for a quick getaway to Finland on New Year’s Eve) and instead of rushing back, they took a detour to NYC to have dinner, go to the theatre, take a pap walk and then return back to London only because Ben had to be at the IW fan screening tonight Nonny.  Just a hunch as to why people who were on the fence are jumping over to the dark side.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 2:   Boy these two get vacations w out their kids every few months. I used to think that believing there were no kids was crazy and anytime I went that road I shook myself back, but I’m convinced these liars don’t have kids in their house. Unless as others have suggested there is something about them where they have been deemed unable to safely care for the two children themselves unsupervised there is no reason for constant vacations and time away.

Anna:  But ... but... but... sneaky pics at a restaurant, two pap walks for the price of one, and a night at the theatre for Ben.  The man has his priorities...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 3:   Maybe nonnies are right. I think the kids are real but maybe these two aren’t safe parents and can’t have them on their own. It sounds out there but they did sell one kids face to the media for an article calling Sophie pretty when they had an active stalker. Maybe they aren’t safe with children and can’t have them w out down third party present. That pic of Hal had other people in it. Maybe they can only be w them when someone is watching them

Anna:  Or maybe the man we saw next to Ben during Pilo 2.0′s Heath pap op was the baby’s father, and he was there to take him back home after the paps Ben seemed to be talking to in other pics from the set were done snapping pics.

Since you brought it up, remember when Sophie Hunter was craning her neck, smiling at the pap in NYC while her first born’s face was being photographed in HD (while presumably the whole family was terrified because of the Red Ribbon Stalker was tying ribbons around Ben’s flat) Nonny?  I do  :D

~*~

Nonny Nr. 4:   If Ben and she do ever split, and Ben wants to re marrying, I hope women keep this behaviour in mind. As far as everyone is concerned he has children and based on his behaviour he is a bad father. No one who is told to believe this parenting story of bens should ever allow him to father their children. He is not able to parent.

Anna:  At least he knows how to hold a baby safely, which is more than I can say about Sophie Hunter Nonny  ;o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 5:   yeah, this is starting to get creepy. like legit creepy. the way these two constantly vacation w out their kids is creepy. i seriously think something is wrong w ben and sophie and that they probably are not mentally fit to be parents. i mean that. its too weird. a few dinners, fine. but the constant vacations and constant never being seen w the kids on a daily basis. something is up. i think the kids are real but i think ben can't actually have kids safely with him and sophie

Anna:  Like I told Nonny Nr. 4, at least Ben knows how to hold a baby safely.  The one time we saw Sophie Hunter hold one, she was carrying it like a sack of potatoes...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 6:   the fact that these two are vacationing away from their babies for every major holiday makes me thing someone else is raising them, and the few times that they supposedly had these kids out of frame were just visitations one at a time. i don't think the kids are in the house w ben and sophie anymore and no, suddenly seeing them w two kids won't convince me. there is some reason for the past few years they haven't been w them during major holidays and day to day

Anna:  Because both pillows are imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 7:   i believe chris was an oops on ppurpose by sh to trap ben, and then they just had hal cause ben figured he was stuck might as well make it work. they are only ever seen w one at a time. no major holidays w the family that we know of for some time ( the first one?), when they were w hal, there were people around that we joked were his real parents. he won't talk about them. what if the kids are being monitored by a third party, and these two can't be w them alone?   why else would they be on constant trips during the holidays w out them? the dinners and dates out i can undertand, but not seeing them arund town for years, add to that they seem to be free of the kids on holidays etc. im thinking the kids don't live w them full time

Anna:  What if the answer is much simpler and Sophie Hunter is not the exception to every rule of human gestation known to doctors and Harvey thought Weirdo had a grand idea at PSIFF and baiting the general public about an imaginary pregnancy would do the trick and get Ben loads of publicity?  What if when Ben lost the Golden Globe Harvey decided it was time to confirm speculation and Ben “drunkenly” sealed his fate at the after party?  What if the second pregnancy was Ben’s idea because he was desperate to convince people his totes for real, not PR stunt family was not imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 8:   This is off topic but did anyone else not get the ending of TCIT. If u got it can someone enlighten me lol

Anna:  Julie gives birth to the child that was conceived when Stephen visited her at her cottage (presumably the baby will grow up to be the boy Stephen sees in the train).  Stephen knows that Kate is still out there in the world, and will always be in their hearts.   Hope that helps Nonny  :o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 9:   boutique productions is a meaningless title, like all her other titles. it just means people could potentially hire her for a specific production, and it appears no one is hiring her. like someone else said, no one labours on a work only to have it not seen and not make money. Nothing has been marketed or made public, no one has hired her to do anything. its just a way to explain away why she has not directed anything, no plays, no operas, nothing in a gallery, no theatre showcases

Anna:  That’s not true Nonny.  James Byng hired her to read letters to an unsuspecting audience.  But yeah, in all seriousness, the silence on the ‘new work from Opera Director extraordinaire Sophie Hunter’ front is defeaning...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 10:   theatre operator? great! which theatre? plus theatre operator could be anything. is she in charge of sched the shows that are played? 'cause that has a different title. is she the janitor?

Anna:  I’m guessing the Fail was just taking the piss Nonny.  Much like when they forget her name and call her Rachel.  Or Ophie.  Or Turner.  LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 11:   Got a question for anyone who might know. Did the tabloids pull those pics of BC with Hal because the were faked by 1) having a kid that was not his, or 2) did they detect tampering with the photo itself?

Anna:  It’s anyone’s guess Nonny.  All we know is that the Fail had bought the pap set and decided not to use it, going for a stock picture of him as Sherlock instead.  LINK and LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 12:   'What was the reason behind all the fluffing of Sophie Hunter’s CV?' My guess is that both parties agreed it was necessary. BC's side couldn't have a gf that had almost nothing to show to the public or that her work history was a bit of a disaster. Too embarrassing & the media would have started digging into her past as soon as she was introduced. So fluffing it is. Sofa's side: for the same reasons I mentioned above plus she might have demanded it to further her non existent career.

Anna:  She looked soooooo good on paper (at least until we started digging deeper) and it turned so bad so very fast with the first stomp off...   :o/

~*~

Nonny Nr. 13:   Today's question proves you are the master of understatement, Anna! Because 'fluffing' doesn't begin to describe the travesty that is Weirdo's CV. Lies, both blatant and subtle. Plagiarism and the claiming of credit she never earned ... it all goes far beyond fluffing. That doesn't even address the joke of "Wimbledon Spectator".

Anna:  I’m not as harsh when I’m well-rested Nonny   ;o)

~*~

Mess Anon:   Okay after hearing they also went to Sleep No More and the speakeasy afterwards, I might start teetering towards the fake kids camp. No one brings their kids with them overseas to have them stuck in a hotel room while they go shopping, go to plays, bars, and out to have a vegan meal. It’s one thing if you are a working trip, but another thing if you’re out doing multiple things for pleasure. The poor kids only got to go to a museum for an afternoon. SMDH!  Mess anon

Anna:  Mess Anon, I back excellent chocolate chip cookies.  Step on over to the dark side  :P

~*~

Anna:  To the Nans and Antis still sending me angry asks, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like playing with my food today.  I’m sure you understand   :o)