#happy pre-patch day folks!

[writing-a-to-b]

Wildflowers

Title: Wildflowers Word Count: 4,771 Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader A/N: This work is written in collaboration between @specialagentmonkey & @bangaveragewhitewine. 

We’re back! Welcome to the first of our ~interludes~ which take place in between the main Seasons fics. This side-quest / mini-series is called Between the Seasons and we have a few planned / in the pipeline, along with something pre-TLOU storyline that we are working on!

This fic takes place between Spring & Summer

Thanks for reading folks, any comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! Follow and turn on notifications if you would like to hear when we post!

We do not give permission for our work to be posted on other sites. 

Seasons Of Us & Between the Seasons masterlist

Contains: fluffy goodness, some angst & anxiety towards the end, mention of panic attacks.

-

Spring was beautiful and definitely in full bloom in Jackson. Wildflowers grew around the town, bright and vibrant and colourful, replacing the snow that had blanketed the town in the winter months. Your backyard was a particular hotspot of growth; wild lilies, dog daisies, larkspur. You noticed patches of wild lavender, which would be plentiful in the summer. It was a sight to behold. Someone used to love this garden before the world went to shit, nature had taken over, and now you had the chance to bring it back to life and make it your own. 

The flowers didn’t just stay in your back garden. After they had first grown you plucked several of them from the grass and brought them inside to make a nice arrangement for the middle of the dining table, brightening up the room and a chipped old vase that had come with the house. 

It didn’t stop there; once you had one in the kitchen, another appeared in the living room a few days later, then two or three larger arrangements appeared on the porch, there was even a small arrangement in the family bathroom. A box of old vases from the attic and a few glass bottles you had found around the house had certainly come in handy.

As the days got warmer and brighter, it was nice to bring some of the joy that came with late Spring into your house. You had hoped that neither Joel or Ellie would be allergic, or sensitive to the pollen. Your prayers were answered so the flowers stayed. And multiplied.

“Darlin’ this is getting a little out of hand.” Joel murmured as he turned in a circle in the kitchen, his eyes counting the amount of flower bouquets that were on the windowsill, the small dining table and on the counter, “You left some flowers for the rest of the town, right?”

“Ha-ha.” You fixed him with a look before narrowing your eyes, “I happen to think they’re pretty. I might have found my true calling.”

“That so?” He asked while raising a single eyebrow, coming to stand behind where you were sitting at the dining table, wrapping the stems of another bouquet.

“Flower arranging. The buckets out on the porch have attracted quite an audience, I’ve been asked to make some others for our neighbours and even Maria has asked for me to create a couple for her.” You tilted your head back to look up at Joel when you felt his hands on your shoulders, “So you’ll be pleased to know that all of these aren't staying here.”

“Good to know we’ll be able to see the kitchen again.” He teased, smirking when you scowled at him again. Joel moved away to put some water onto boil in a pan on the stove top, getting two mugs out for some peppermint tea. “While I’m happy that you’ve found another hobby, are you getting anythin’ for your time?” 

“Well, Mrs Kelly about four houses down found a stack of those Savage Starlight comics in her basement so I’m getting them for Ellie.” You explained as you snipped a piece of tied string with your scissors.

“That’s kind of you, sweetheart.” 

You nodded your head, “And Janet, you know the red-head at the Tipsy Bison, she’s usually behind the bar,” at Joel’s blank expression you wave him off, the scissors still between your fingers. “Anyway she asked for some to dot around the bar while the flowers are in bloom, so I happily obliged. There’s a free meal and a couple of drinks for us when we next go down, I’ll keep ‘em fresh over the next few weeks for her.”

“Now that’s what I call a trade.”

“Mmm, thought you might like that one.” 

Joel placed down both of the cups onto the table before taking the chair next to you, “I was thinkin’...”

“Steady, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“Ha-ha.” It was Joel’s turn to dead pan. He didn’t hold it for long, his face and voice softening fondly, as it often did when he spoke to you. “I was thinkin’ that we could maybe go for a picnic.”

You turned your head quickly towards Joel, “Really?!”

“Really. There’s a nice spot just outside of the wall, a little creek upstream. Thinkin’ maybe we get a basket together, there’s that blanket we can throw in there.” 

“I like the sound of that. When d’you want to go, handsome?” You placed the scissors down on the table before picking up the cup of tea.

“Are you on the schedule for tomorrow?”

Taking a sip of your tea you shook your head, “No, I’m not back in rotation until next week.”

“Then after I finish the mornin’ patrol tomorrow we’ll pack up and go for a picnic. Just you and me.” He nodded decisively, and you smiled fondly at the thought of Joel Miller asking you on a date; it made the butterflies in your stomach flutter wildly.

“Okay, it’s a date.” You tilted your head to the side before speaking again, “What about Ellie, I don’t want her feeling left out..”

“She’s got an afternoon of classes. Then she’s helping to muck out the stables. She’s really dedicated to those animals, I’m glad she’s found something for her, y’know?”

“Something other than seeing how many times she can squeeze ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ into a sentence?” You smirked, remembering how the girl had made herself laugh hysterically with her creative swearing, and Joel’s reaction to it. 

“She’s dedicated to that too. Gettin’ real good at it..” There was that proud smile tugging on his lips, the same one he had whenever Ellie would come into the living room or kitchen after another guitar lesson and show you what she had learned. “She knows anyway, about the picnic. Gave me some stick for it - said that I should take you on cute dates more often.”

...

“Next time you come out on patrol with me and Tommy, I’ll show you.” Joel started, hanging his rifle up in his locker that stood in the small  outbuilding that had become the towns’ armoury. “It’s right by that creek, on the south side, there’s a big tree. It’s perfect for a picnic.”

Ellie looked up at Joel from her spot where she sat on the counter beside the lockers. She watched him with a little bemused smile; she’d never seen this side of him. “Yeah? It sounds nice.”

“Oh, she’ll love it. I gotta take her there.” He nodded to himself at the idea, he did a double take at the look Ellie was giving him, “What?”

“You’re an old romantic, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean- and hey, less of the old.”

“You’re taking her on a date!” She exclaimed through a breathy laugh, she was seeing a totally different side to Joel and she found it fascinating. “Like you’re both practically married and have been together for like a million years but-“

“Ellie, what’re you gettin’ at?”

“It’s cute is what I’m getting at,” she pointed out with a teasing smirk, then hopped down from her perch. 

“Oh shut up.” Joel grumbled, dismissing the notion completely trying to ignore the heat that was creeping up his neck and cheeks. 

“It is! I never pegged you for a hopeless romantic, Joel.”

“Get outta here, weird kid,” he tutted but his face held a smirk as he shoved her towards the door, “Ain’t you got classes to go to?” Her cackling laughter had him shaking his head as he locked up the armoury, but he couldn’t keep the excited little smile off his face. 

...

“I always knew she was a smart kid.” You teased him, leaning across the small distance to peck his lips, your hand on his cheek, “You don’t need to wine and dine me to keep me, Joel. You’re stuck with me.”

-

The next morning your picnic was all packed up. You had made some ham and salad sandwiches and picked a small range of fruits from the fruit and vegetable patch at the bottom of the back garden. A cold canteen of water and a flask of whiskey was next to be thrown in, topped with a blanket covering the basket. 

You waited for Joel to return home from morning patrol. It wasn’t a long patrol, but he was on with Tommy and those two could talk for days. You had worked on the garden a little, cutting some flowers for drying and harvesting the seeds to sow later in the year, keeping your hands busy while you looked forward to your date.

He arrived home only a few minutes after you had agreed to meet, looking almost boyish as he slipped through the door, his skin glowing after a few hours in the morning sun. When he spotted you standing in the kitchen, fussing over the picnic basket for what he knew was the tenth time, his smile only widened further. 

“Don’t try sneakin’ up on me,” you called, looking over your shoulder as he stepped into the kitchen with his mind set on wrapping his arms around you to hear your squeal and laughter. 

He rolled his eyes and did it anyway, pressing kisses from your shoulder to your jaw before you dropped your head back to seal your lips together. “Missed you. Ready to go?” he asked against your cheek. 

“Ready.” You turned in his arms and stroked his cheek with your thumb before pecking him again. “Let’s get out in that sunshine before I drag you upstairs and we waste the day.” 

Joel opened his mouth to argue that spending the day in bed with you certainly wouldn’t be a waste, but you had already ducked out of his arms to add the last few pieces of your picnic to your backpacks before getting on the way. 

Joel had arranged permission to leave town for the day with one of the horses for the short journey; it wasn’t too far but the young mare was well trained and could carry your backpacks and Joel’s rifle as you rode to the spot he had picked out. There hadn’t been any infected spotted in a few weeks, and the morning patrol had come back without any sightings of raiders or travellers. 

You almost felt giddy as you looked out at the landscape beyond Jackson, the lush green hills and mountains, the blue sky. Your cheek rested against Joel’s back with your arms around his middle, he could feel your smile as he steered the horse toward the river after a short ride away from town..

With the horse secured to the tree, between you both you managed to get the blanket laid out, a backpack on opposite corners to secure it in the breeze. Taking off your sneakers you settled yourself down on the blanket and began unpacking all the food and goodies. 

“What’cha got in there then?” Joel asked, sitting down with a grunt, mumbling a complaint about his knees.

You took out the wrapped sandwiches, handing him one of them and setting the other down on the blanket next to your leg, “Ham salad sandwiches, there’s some strawberries in here, blackberries and some blueberries,” you showed him the contents in the basket, “Water, and of course a little whiskey.”

Joel flashed you a grin while unwrapping the food before taking a bite. It was an easy afternoon, sitting in the sun, eating nice food and sipping on the whiskey straight from the flask. 

You laid on the blanket, your legs crossed at the ankle and your head resting on Joel’s thigh. He was currently feeding you the last of the strawberries, sometimes taking a bite for himself first then giving you the rest. Once the bowl was empty he leaned back on his hands, enjoying the sun and the sounds of the different birds in the tree and in the air.

“What would a date with Joel Miller be like, back in the day?” You asked as you closed your eyes. You had been together a long time - ‘like a million years’ if you asked Ellie - but starting a relationship in the QZ had been less dates and more a companionship that grew between you and Joel.

Joel hummed and lifted a hand to scratch his beard, “Well, I never really had many dates, not after Sarah was born and before that I was with her mother a while after graduation.”

“So you never dated?”

“Not really, no. A little in high school - drive in movies and goin’ for burgers. Kid stuff. I tried goin’ out with one or two of the other single moms but it never worked out.” 

“You really hit the jackpot when you met me then, huh?”

Joel let out a laugh, letting his head fall back, “Y’could say, that sweetheart.” He moved his hand, stroking across your cheek before his fingers started gently combing through your hair.

“Alright what about this,” you started and opened your eyes, lifting a hand to shield your eyes from the sun so you could look at him properly, “If the world didn’t go to shit and you were taking me on a date, what would you have planned?” You ignore the fact that had the world not gone to shit, you most likely wouldn’t have met - you in Michigan, Joel in Texas…

“Well, that depends,”

“On…?”

Joel slipped his fingers between yours, resting on your stomach  as you shielded your eyes with the other hand , “Where we met ‘cause if we just bumped into each other at the grocery store I don’t know if I would have the balls to talk to someone as beautiful as you.” He admitted with a small huff. “And if we met in a bar I’m pretty sure Tommy would’ve swooped in first. The ladies always loved Tommy.”

You scoffed, “Oh I don’t know about that. I didn’t go for Tommy when we met on the way to Boston.” You’d heard the stories of younger Tommy Miller, he was a little wild back in the day, and while he had simmered down before you had met, he hadn’t been the Miller for you. “While you’ve both got that Southern charm, those  big brown eyes of yours really drew me in. Would have been the same regardless of when or where we met, baby.” 

“Alright, well if we met at a bar - didn’t really go out much either… Anyway, I’d have bought you a drink, asked how your day had been. We’d talk until I had to pull Tommy out of some fight, ask for your number first though.” Joel slid his arm under your head and laid himself down beside you. “I’d probably text you when I got home, or the next morning. Make sure you got home safe.” 

“And this is before you even ask me out?” you teased. 

“Shh, I’m paintin’ a picture, baby.” He linked your hands and pressed his lips to your forehead. “So I’d ask you out to dinner - not some burger joint either. Somewhere nice, with a wine list and I’d wear one of my good shirts just for you. We’d skip dessert and take a little walk as the sun set.” Joel’s voice was deep and soothing. Your eyes were closed as you imagined it, cuddling his hand to your chest. “There was a little ice cream shop down by the river, I’d take you there. We’d talk until you were bored of me.”

“Never bored of you,” you said, nuzzling his hand.

“Then I’d drive you home, like a gentleman. If I was feelin’ brave, lean in and kiss you goodnight.”

You smiled lazily when you felt his lips and nose press into your cheek, “You sure are full of yourself there Miller, a kiss on the first date? Oof.”

Joel broke out into a grin and smooched your cheek, causing you both to laugh, “Shut up. You wouldn’t be able to resist my Southern charm.”

You turned your head and looked into his eyes again. “I think that’s really romantic. I’d have loved that.” You found his lips and kissed him again. “I know that’s not how we met, and it’s not the kind of date we can go on now, but laying on a blanket with you in the sun might just be the best date I’ve ever been on, Joel.”

-

Decades after the outbreak, before which Joel never really did have much luck with relationships, he was still a romantic at heart. Loss after loss had made him feel hollow, uncaring, that was until he met you and then Ellie. He didn’t think he had the capacity to love anyone after his heart shattered all of those years ago; he certainly didn’t think he would have a partner or a family, a semblance of a normal life where he could whisk you away for dates in the sunshine, or pass on his love of music to Ellie. You had been a lift-raft for him in the QZ; he couldn’t help but fall for you, even though he fought it to protect his own heart. If he thought about it too much, his chest ached and eyes stung. He felt like he didn’t deserve any of it, any of the happiness or the affection you brought him.

A stronger gust of spring breeze brought Joel out of his thoughts, stopping them from getting too dangerous. He stood from where he was crouched and eyed the small bunch of wildflowers in his hand. He didn’t claim to know a thing about what flowers they were or what time of year they bloomed the best but he knew that you’ve come to love this new greenfinger hobby. These were some flowers that didn’t grow behind the walls of Jackson; you had pointed out prairie clover earlier while you ate, and there were more wild daisies in soft colours that he knew you would love.

Joel headed back to where you were still dozing, spread out on the blanket. He settled down beside you again, only wincing slightly when his knees cracked. Joel watched your chest rise and fall with even breaths, he could see the dusting of freckles on your nose and cheeks darken in the sun. 

“You’re staring again.” You mumbled, your voice quiet as your eyes fluttered open, squinting in the afternoon sun. They slowly connected with Joel’s dreamy whiskey stare.

He stayed quiet, propping himself up on his elbow he gave you a one-shoulder shrug and moved his hand to stroke his thumb over your cheek, moving some hair from your eyes, “I can’t help it, I like watchin’ you sleep..” 

Scrunching up your nose you let out a noise from the back of your throat as you began to stretch, “That’s just creepy, Joel,” you said, as if you didn’t do the same to him - seeing him asleep, fully relaxed was a sight to behold. You yawned before your eyes found him again.

“You look peaceful when you sleep. Like nothin’s wrong with the world.” Joel gazed over your features, a small smile on his lips.

“That’s because there is nothing wrong in my world. I’ve got you, and Miss Trouble at home. I’m a lucky woman.”

Joel blushed and turned his face up to the sky; he still couldn’t believe how lucky he had gotten with you. “Plus, you’re too beautiful to look away from.”

You brought your hand up to lightly take hold of the collar of his tshirt, tugging him over you, “I could say the same about you, looking all sunkissed and irresistible.” 

Joel hummed against your lips, kissing you slowly as his hand, now on your hip gave a gentle squeeze. He would spend hours kissing you if he could; your lips were always soft and sweet. He reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, placing a few quick pecks to the edge of your mouth and your cheek, “I got you somethin’ while you were nappin’.”

“You ran to the store while I was snoozing?” You joked and sat up along with Joel.

Joel reached behind him and brought the small bunch of flowers into view, “These are for you.”

“Oh Joel,” you sighed and held them in your hands, bringing them to your nose, “they’re beautiful. Definitely not your standard gas station bouquet.”

Joel smirked and watched you examine the flowers, “You were pointin’ ‘em out and- well I thought you could tie them up all nice and put them in our bedroom?” 

Your eyes met those gorgeous brown ones of Joel’s, “That’s really sweet, Joel, thank you.” You murmured and leaned over, kissing his lips gently. You smiled into the kiss before pulling back, examining the bouquet for a few seconds. You plucked one out, a long stemmed alpine daisy, and carefully twisted the stem, using the long end to tie the bunch carefully before tucking the lilac flower into the button-hole of Joel’s shirt pocket. “Perfect,” you whispered, eyes bright as you looked back at him.

Once the flowers were placed down on the edge of the blanket you laid back down with Joel, your head resting on his chest now with one of your legs over both of his.

“I want to press these ones, make somethin’ pretty that I can look at all year ‘round. Remember our first real date.” Your mind was brought back to some framed pressings in Bill and Frank’s that you had admired years ago.

Joel pressed a kiss to your head. “You’re makin’ me mighty soft, baby. I never gave a shit about flowers before this spring.” 

You looked up at him, smiling. “Don’t be silly, you’ve always had a soft centre. You might look all tough but in here,” you tapped the centre of his chest, “In here, you’re a real romantic.”

Joel scoffed, pretending to protest as his fingers slipped against your ribs, drawing out your happy laughter.

–

As the sun peaked in the sky, you took shelter in the shade under some trees by the creek. After relocating your blanket base-camp, you unlaced your shoes and rolled up the ends of your jeans as Joel watched on. You grinned over your shoulder before going to sit by the edge and slowly dipping your feet into the water. 

“Fuck, that’s cold,” you laughed, seeing Joel shake his head fondly. “Feels good though. Come sit with me.” 

Joel skipped dipping his feet in, but sat with you as you rested your head on his shoulder while you traded stories from your old lives and reminisced on your time together.

“When it gets hot in the summer, I want to come back here to swim. Look how fresh and clear it is.” You smiled as you dragged your feet through the cool water. “Could teach Ellie to swim, if she wanted to… Either way, this is our spot now. Thank you for finding it, and for taking me out.” 

Joel smiled and accepted the sweet kiss you pressed to his cheek. “M’already plannin’ our next one. If you’ll go on a second date with me, that is.” His eyes twinkled with signature Miller Mischief; it gave you butterflies, almost like this was a first date and you weren’t practically married, raising a teenager at home. 

“Play your cards right and I might just take you home with me and have my wicked way with you.” You smiled up at him with your own cheeky look.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, darlin’.”

Breaking out into a giggle you leaned further into him, pressing your blushing face into Joel’s neck. His arm wrapped around your shoulders. “Might be time to head back soon,” he said against your hair,

“I don’t want to.”

“I know, but we kinda have to.”

“No I mean…I know we do but I just want to press pause,” you said softly, leaning back to look up into his eyes, “Today has been so special Joel.. Sorry, it’s silly.”

“Nothin’ you say is ever silly. Go on.”

“I don’t want it to end. It feels like a real first date, one of those ones you read about in books or see in the movies y’know? The type where you spend all night talking, getting to know the other person…that’s how this felt to me.” You paused, looking down at your hands in your lap, “It’s stupid but I felt normal, like the world is okay and I’m just on a date with you, and tomorrow I’ll tell all my girlfriends how dreamy you are, and...” Your voice choked up, thick with emotion. It had crept up on you, missing your old life and wishing you could have had Joel slot right into it. “Sorry, I’m ruining it.” 

Joel’s heart ached for you and he took your face in his hands as you pulled your damp feet out of the water, curling up against him. “Hush. You’re gettin’ in your head. Breathe, baby.”

You smiled, laughing wetly as he grounded you - just like you had done for him so many times. Eyes closed, you breathe deeply for a few moments and covered Joel’s hands with yours. You were the first to break the silence, the sound of the birds and the creek bringing you back to the moment. 

“I’m just glad I’m with you, Joel. You have no idea how much I love you.” 

“Course I do, sweetheart. I love you too.” 

Those four little words made your heart soar. Joel was the one who demonstrated his love, rather than saying it out loud. You both knew you loved each other - hell, you had both killed for each other, done unspeakable things for one another, and you would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping each other safe  - but exchanging ‘i love you’s’ was always a special little moment. 

You smiled, giggling to yourself after a few moments. “Never said ‘I love you’ on a first date before, but it feels right.” 

Joel grinned, reaching back to grab the edge of the blanket to dry off your cold feet. “Me neither. Definitely feels right, baby.” 

You shared a few kisses before he helped you back into your shoes and you both packed up for the journey home, making sure the flowers he had picked for you were wrapped with a damp napkin around the stems, and stored carefully in your picnic basket.

-

The ride home went much too quickly for your liking, even though Joel took a slightly longer route so that you could see the sun begin to set, dragging dusk over the mountains and the town. It had been the best day, and you and Joel both looked sun-kissed and happy as you made your way back through town. 

The stables were your first stop after getting back, making sure your horse was untacked and well fed after her own adventure. You brushed her down and gave her some love before gathering her reins and bridle, ready to bring back to the tack room. 

“Hey, listen,” Joel murmured, his fingers catching around your wrist, causing you to turn back around, both of you still standing beside the horse, “What you said earlier, about feelin’ normal for a moment and forgetting the crap that’s happened…I felt it too.”

All day his chest had felt full, fit to burst, and he had kept himself measured in the hopes that it wouldn’t turn to panic.

You reached up your hand to cup Joel’s cheek, stroking under his eye, “Thank you,” you whispered and went up onto your tiptoes to lay a slow kiss to his lips.

The moment was broken when you heard a loud sigh from the stable door, “Finally. There you guys are, Maria was about to send out a search party.”

“No she wasn’t.” Joel grumbled and rolled his eyes, pecking your lips quickly once more. “She was on the wall when we came back through.”

“Whatever.” Ellie came over and took the reins from your hand to bring them over to the right peg. She had her own system in the stables. “Did you guys bring back anything good?”

A grin developed on your face, your own brand of mischief. You bent down and fished out the bunch of flowers that Joel had picked for you. You held them out to Ellie, shaking with silent laughter when she let out a loud groan.

“More flowers?! Jesus Joel.”

He shrugged, smiling as he caught you fixing the petals carefully, almost lovingly. “The lady likes flowers. What’s a guy to do.” Ellie spotted the forgotten little flower tucked in his shirt, muttering about how he had it bad for you. 

She rolled her eyes before turning to hang up the bridle and the reins, “What did you guys have in mind for dinner because I am starving.” And just like that, you were back to normality. You wouldn’t change it for anything. 

You shared a knowing smile with Joel, hooking your arm through his as you tugged him towards the door, “Well how about we stop at the Bison for dinner?" You suggested, looking between Joel and Ellie who were both happy to agree, "Only a quick visit mind you," you look at Ellie with a teasing smirk, "I need to get my new flowers into some fresh water soon."

[heerthat]

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[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Epilogue

I step out of my house and breath in the fresh and cold morning air.

I’m still not Elsa, but maybe I can live with this cold.

We will see.

“Morning N.K.!”, greets me Tammy happy.

I hug my best friend tight and arm in arm we walk to school.

“So ready for your first school day?”, she asks me.

“After the craziness of last week I’m going to so enjoy normal stinky school.”, I admit.

Tammy nods.

“Not that I blame yeah…so our Stick of Truth RPG is really stopped for now?”

“Well, without Stick and me being the Empress of both fractions it doesn’t make sense to still have war and play this RPG.”, I explain. “Besides it totally got out of control. Till we get a new idea, it’s the best it’s on ice.”

“If you say so. Also back to normal life. I hope I can join the next RPG earlier, even if it was crazy and fucked up, I had a lot of fun with you.”, confesses Tammy to me.

Smiling I give her a cheek kiss, which makes her giggle.

“As long as the boys make me play with them, I will always find a way to have you with me.”

We pass the bus stop where Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny are waiting for the bus. Waving at them in greetings and all besides Cartman, who rolls his eyes, wave back.

But me and Tammy continue going on foot.

“So…something new on the Kyle/Kenny front?”, wants Tammy to know.

I’m saved from answering since Leo joins us.

“Big sis, Tammy, good morning! Can I walk with you?”

“Of course Leo!”

I take his hand and he smiles like sunshine at me.

“We will talk about this later, you can’t keep me hanging!”, whispered Tammy in my ear, before she turns to Leo asking him about his weekend.

The truth is I don’t know how it will go with my two crushes in the future. Till I don’t know who I like more, I will do nothing.

Once again I ask you to consider polyamory.

Brain, go fuck yourself!

I’m part of you, also I don’t have hands, how should I do this?

You know what, I will just ignore this before I turn crazy. It’s surely not healthy to talk with yourself that way and concreted on Tammy and Leo.

Smiling I listen to their talking.

I could get used to this.

After I used my Magical Girl Wand Attack Eye-Patch-Grandpa and his minions didn’t appear again.

Maybe…just maybe I can finally live like a normal pre-teen life.

No more moving around.

Having a social life.

Living my teenage years with people I know and like.

Maybe South Park will be my home for a long time.

That would be amazing.

We have reached the school and I dare Leo and Tammy to a race at the front door.

Let’s start this new chapter in my life!

I'm going down to South Park

Gonna have myself a time

Friendly faces everywhere

Humble folks without temptation

I'm going down to South Park

Gonna leave my woes behind

Ample parking day or night

People spouting "Howdy neighbor!"

Heading on up to South Park

Gonna see if I can't unwind

I love girls with big fat titties

I love girls with deep vaginas

So come on down to South Park

And meet some friends of mine

We have reached the end.

Book Two will be called Friendly Faces Everywhere and will be about all South Park episodes till Franchise Prequel.

Then we will have the third book about The Fractured But-Whole!

Thanks for all your comments and support and I hope you read the other books too!

Till next time, my loves.

Support me on Ko-Fi!

Join my Tumblr for updates and news!

[nothorses]

Top Surgery Journal

I figured it was time to share my top surgery experiences, so folks can potentially learn from them! I'll be updating this as I have more to add.

For context, I am in the U.S. (specifically Washington state), and a legal adult. A lot of my process may not apply to everyone.

Getting Coverage

The first step to scheduling top surgery is getting insurance coverage for it. Talk to your insurance first to figure out if they do cover top surgery, and what you need to do in order to obtain coverage. Oftentimes it won't be listed officially on your plan, but you can get coverage as long as you can prove you need it.

I was lucky enough to have good insurance with trans healthcare included, so all I needed was a letter from my PCP, and a letter from a behavioral health counselor specializing in gender dysphoria. I didn't need any diagnoses, any specific length of time on HRT, any particular presentation, etc.

(If you live in Washington, state law requires that top surgery be fully covered under Medicare. It might be worth it to check your state's laws as well!)

Referrals

I tried to schedule with a surgeon myself, thinking it was my responsibility to get the documents sent over and everything, but my PCP actually referred me when I first told her I had gotten coverage from my insurance.

I ended up going with that referral because the other surgeon was so hard to get ahold of, but my PCP did also send a referral to the surgeon I'd chosen before. I recommend going through your PCP for referrals first, as it takes a lot of the workload off of you- and they'll likely write a referral anyway when sending the documents needed for coverage over.

You may also find that the surgeon you talk to has different requirements than your insurance before performing top surgery. A referral from your PCP might bypass these requirements, but be sure to call them yourself and double-check. Your surgeon's office is supposed to call you to schedule a consultation, and they may not call you at all if you don't have all of those documents in- which means you can be left in limbo indefinitely, not knowing you need to send them more than you already did.

The Consultation

I was able to get a consultation about 5 weeks after calling, which was great! The consultation is your opportunity to ask the surgeon any questions you have, for them to evaluate your chest and what methods might work for you, and for you to see their results (most surgeons do not post result photos online for privacy reasons).

Come into the consultation with all the questions you have written down somewhere, so you don't forget. I asked:

If I could see photographs of his top surgery results

Which incisions he thought would work for me, stressing the things that were important to me: minimal recovery time, no free nipple grafts (I wanted to keep mine, but without risking a failed graft), and minimal chance of needing revisions

What my recovery would look like for the recommended incisions

Whether I will be getting drains (ideally, yes: drains reduce recovery time and the risk of needing revisions)

If he's had patients who have had complications (failed grafts, infections, need for revisions, etc.) and what he's done to reduce the chances of that happening again

My surgeon's results looked good (scars were even and symmetrical, healed nicely, etc.) and he answered my questions really well, so I was happy to go with him!

He recommended the fishmouth method for me, because recovery time would be minimal, there would be no need for nipple grafts, and my chest was small enough for it to work really well.

Scheduling the Surgery

My surgeon didn't have a very long waitlist, but it still took about 3 weeks for the clinic to process my request with my insurance (yes, even though I already had coverage). Once they'd processed that, they called me with a window of time I could schedule within; after a few months, insurance would no longer cover the surgery.

I got an extension, as I was working an intense summer job that I couldn't really take a few weeks off of to recover, then scheduled my surgery over the phone. They asked if I wanted a pre-op appointment, and I declined, as it'd mostly be information covered in the consultation or that could be given to me over the phone.

Preparing for Surgery

I wasn't given a check-in time for the hospital until about 2pm the day before, but they finally did call me and give me some instructions, including:

My check-in time and place

The hospital's phone number, to give to my ride/caretaker in case they had questions

That I was not to bring visitors (cause covid)

To bring my ID, insurance card, and credit card

That I was not to eat or drink anything after 12am that night (I did drink a bit of water with my meds, which they seemed fine with)

To shower with antibacterial soap the night before, and the morning of the surgery

Not to wear hair or skin products like deoderant or gel

Not to wear any jewelry, or anything else removable that wasn't just a clothing item.

When I checked into the hospital, they had my fill out some paperwork including the name and number of my ride and caretaker (which could be the same or separate people; they called the ride number when it was time to pick me up, and the caretaker number with detailed updates on my progress). Then they had me change into the hospital gown and answer some medical history questions, prepped me with an IV, and had a nurse, both anesthesiologists involved in my surgery, and my surgeon check in with me for more information and to answer any last questions I had.

I was told to use the bathroom about 20 minutes before I would be going under for my surgery (to avoid needing a catheter), and once I did, they injected some anesthetic into my IV and I passed the fuck out.

After Surgery

I showed up to the hospital at about 9am, and the prepping ended around 11am. The surgery was scheduled to end at 2pm; I wasn't conscious until about 3pm.

They had me use the restroom again (I passed out on the floor of the bathroom because it was way too soon, lmao), and I was in and out of sleep until I finally used the bathroom on my own at about 5pm. At that point I was a lot more lucid; I had some toast and pudding, and the nurse called my caretaker to go over post-op instructions with us both.

After that I dressed myself, was wheeled out to pick up my pain meds at the in-hospital pharmacy, then hopped in the car with my ride (the wonderful @lillia-pad) at about 5:30pm.

Recovery

I have a pretty high tolerance for anesthetic, so I was mostly just tired during the 36-ish hours the anesthetic continued to wear off. I didn't experience any nausea or lightheadedness either, but I was given an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear, plus some anti-nausea meds, just in case.

My post-op regimen sort of looks like this:

Take 1-2 tablets of oxycodone every 4 hours (for pain)

Take 2 tablets of laxative meds twice a day (cause pain meds cause constipation)

Empty drains twice per day, and record how much was in them

Get up and walk around every couple of hours to reduce the risk of blood clots

Ease into eating again: start with clear fluids, and work up to crackers/bread/etc., to avoid nausea and vomiting.

Lay down propped up on plenty of pillows, and only on your back (no side-sleeping!)

Keep the compression binder/gauze on for the first 48 hours, then remove them to shower as needed (but put them back on after!)

I was pretty lucid by the third day post-surgery, and was able to scale my pain meds down pretty quickly from 2 tabs on the first day, to 1 tab for the next two days, to 1/2 tab. Meds are much more important at night, when there's nothing to distract you from the pain- don't be afraid to ration them for nighttime.

Oxycodone also definitely causes drowsiness, so I took a lot of "oxy naps" about 45-60 minutes after I took my meds, which last between 20 minutes and 2 hours depending on how tired I am.

I have my post-op this week, so I will update this post with more details on my scars and healing then!

[shandian-go]

Shandian GO - 2021 Charity Auction

I'm happy to announce that the charity auction first launched last November is back! For those of you who weren’t around for the last auction, I started this little project as a way to give back to my community by auctioning some of the special merch I got while managing the group order. The format for this year will be a bit different as it’ll be a blind auction, so the process should be a lot simpler!

See below the cut for details~

How it works

You will be able to place a maximum of one (1) bid for each of the auction items listed. Since it’s a blind auction, you won’t know how much other participants have bid, but the amount you bid should be an amount you yourself are comfortable paying! You can bid on multiple items if you’d like, but please make sure you have the funds to pay for all the items you bid, in the event that you’re the highest bidder for every item you bid on.

Each item will have a minimum bid amount, which is to cover the cost of the item. Anything the highest bidder pays that is above this amount will be donated to a Toronto-based charity (see end of the post for the charities list!). For example, if an item’s minimum bid is $10 CAD and the highest bid is $100 CAD, $90 CAD will be donated.

The bidding period will last one week and once bidding closes and I’ve compiled all the data, I’ll post the results the next day. The results spreadsheet will have everyone’s bid amounts and usernames (partly blurred out for privacy reasons so that you’ll be able to identify your own bid but no personal details will be publicized).

All highest bidders will have 24 hours after the announcement to contact me and transfer the funds. In the spirit of giving, I’ll personally be covering the domestic shipping cost for any highest bidder with a Canadian or USA mailing address, so all you have to worry about is transferring the bid amount :D

Once the winners’ packages are packed and sent, I’ll post a final announcement with the total amount donated plus the donation receipts!

Charities list

Being involved in fandom over the past decade has taught me a lot about the needs and injustices faced by LGBTQ2S+ folks. My recent involvement in danmei fandom has also made me more aware of my Chinese roots as well as the anti-Asian sentiments that have become more prominent since the spread of COVID-19. As such, I’ve narrowed down the list of Toronto-based charities to those that are mindful of the needs of the LGBTQ2S+ and Asian communities and their initiatives range from basic living needs to youth support to advocacy.

Asian Community AIDS Services

Chinese Canadian Council for Social Justice

Covenant House Toronto

Friends of Ruby

Glad Day Lit

Rainbow Railroad

Second Harvest

The 519

Even if you don't plan on participating in the auction, I'd encourage you to check them out and read more about their initiatives!

Available auction items

MDZS Manhua Vol 1 autographed by the lead artist 狂风吹裤裆 - This autographed copy is from the initial pre-order in summer 2020 and I do still have the receipts to support authenticity if needed. Please note that it's unsealed and the corner of the book was dented during transit, so it’s not in perfect condition, but would make a nice keepsake!

MDZS x Maoer FM - Audio Drama Enamel Pin & Bunny Patch set - I’ve been holding onto a set of these for sentimental reasons as it was my very first unofficial group order (before I even started the Tumblr site). But I think it’s finally time to let them go and find them a new home :)

MDZS x KAZE - Original Solid Perfume Set - This was an extra from the initial pre-order and I only recently unearthed it while sorting through my mess of boxes. KAZE no longer carries it in their store so it’s a bit hard to find now, and I’ve had lots of great feedback from past joiners about the scents!

MDZS x Montage Set - This set includes a pink fan and a large standee (with artwork from Chang Yang). While it wasn’t limited edition at the time of purchase, Montage’s collaboration with MDZS has since ended so I don’t think these are available through official channels anymore. As I mentioned on the livestream, Montage has some of the loveliest MDZS artwork on their merch and both are great collector pieces :)

CQL Moon Festival Folding Fan - This was one of the prizes the CQL store had given out for customers who had placed a high volume of orders. I think there’s probably some knock-offs floating around but this one is 100% authentic and I have the receipts for this as well if needed.

CQL New Year’s Bunny Plush - This plushie was limited edition and pretty hard to get ahold of at the time. It’s the predecessor to the Gaokao bunny plushie but comes with a lion dance hat instead. Super soft, super squishy, and super adorbs!

CQL Bonus Set - The CQL store sometimes gives out bonus cards and postcards with orders and after many (many) orders, I’ve saved up one of each of the cards. While the items themselves were free, it did take a long time to collect everything and some of you might enjoy the satisfaction of having a completed set!

TGCF Miniso Set - This set comes with 2 mugs (pink and white) and 2 night light standees (Hua Cheng and Xie Lian). While these weren’t super limited edition, they were pretty popular and are difficult for me to get now. Since it’s produced by Miniso, you’re probably not looking at super high quality, but hopefully they’ll give your home a nice Hualian touch~

TGCF Manhua 1st Anniversary Set - This set was one of the first manhua merch available and comes with a large red cardboard box with the iconic art of Hua Cheng’s hand! There are some small tears in the corners of the box so it’s not in pristine condition, but overall they survived the arduous journey from China in better condition than I expected. The set comes with 2 limited edition wall scrolls and 1 (extremely large) desk pad.

TGCF x Minidoll - Standing Doll Set - This set includes 1 Xie Lian doll and 1 San Lang doll from the original pre-order. I’m not too sure if Minidoll is still including bonuses with these dolls but this set does include all pre-order bonuses (straw hat and bag for Xie Lian, pajamas for both, background cloths, various accessories etc.)

Can Can Wenzhou Charm Set - This isn’t official SHL merch but was extremely popular due to the super cute chibi artwork drawn by Chinese artist Can Can. The set comes with all 14 designs and matching transparent cards.

Wenzhou 'Gu Zhuang' Plush Doll Set - These cuties are fanmade and were part of a limited run. The designs are beyond adorable and the set will come with all the doll clothes, as well as a fuzzy badge and transparent card. I have a set myself and every time I see them I can’t help but smile :D

SHL x Yu Ying - Baiyi Sword Ring - It’s still pretty amazing to me that A-Xu’s bendy sword was transformed into wearable jewelry and since the store didn’t have many of these left after the crowdfunding, this one is pretty special! The ring comes with a pouch, a crowdfunding mini button and the Yu Ying holographic case.

SHL x Rua Wa - Family Doll Set - This was from a limited group order I hosted and includes 5 dolls - two 20 cm dolls (Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing), two 15 cm dolls (Gu Xiang and Cao Weining) and one 10 cm plush (Zhang Chengling). Everything comes into a glad box and the pre-order bonus standee and posters will be included as well!

Info

Charity Auction Form: https://forms.gle/pN14fXbn7DZsfNZw8

Bidding period: Dec 24, 2021 (9 PM EST) to Dec 30, 2021 (9 PM EST)

Results: Dec 31, 2021

[lemony-snickers]

I don’t know if I’m doing this right but I love your writing so

Hatake Kakashi (duh XD)

nostalgic

Coffee shop au?

G/n reader?

hello hello hello, my friend! thank you for being my first event request! i don't know when your birthday actually is, but i hope you'll accept this as my little gift to you for all the excellent work and content you provide for us all the time. :)

Title: Small Drip with Skim

Summary: Every morning, you open early for a special customer. (Nostalgic: a sentimental or wistful yearning for the happiness felt in a former place, time, or situation.)

Word Count: 1,915

Warnings: depression and ptsd implied, gn!reader

You yawned as you unlocked the door, pushing the heavy thing open with your shoulder as you did every morning.

The 5 AM start to your shift was certainly one of your least favorite parts of your job, though the early morning quiet and solitude was definitely a perk, even if you were only half-awake to enjoy it.

You set about your morning routine, taking chairs down from tables and brewing coffee in the dark. The lack of lighting was a necessity you had discovered in only your second week of work. Your shift started at 5, but the café didn’t open until 6. The moment you turned the lights on, however, inevitably, someone would start banging on the glass door asking to be let in.

So you’d adjusted, learning to maneuver in the pre-dawn dim with only a few stubbed toes and bruised shins to show for it.

You checked the clock—5:28—and smiled.

You poured a cup of coffee, adding just a small splash of skim milk before putting the lid on. And right on cue, you heard the gentle tap tap tap you’d come to expect every morning at 5:30.

The silver-haired man had appeared in that first week, eagerly knocking at exactly 5:30 every morning you worked. You’d ignored him for a few days, pointedly turning your chin away from the door as you did for everyone who attempted to gain entry before the café officially opened.

But then Kakashi had come in during the mid-morning lull to introduce himself, and asked if it would be okay for him to pick up his coffee at 5:30.

You’d initially said no, until the owner of the café—your new boss—said it was something he’d been doing for years.

Every morning, Kakashi bought a small coffee with skim milk and tipped 100% on the cost of his beverage for the inconvenience.

“Good morning!” you said as you unlocked the door and held it open with your foot to hand the man his drink.

“Good morning,” he said, smiling so widely his right eye closed into the shape of a crescent moon, his other eye hidden carefully behind a dark patch, silver hair brushed over his forehead to help conceal it.

He handed you his payment and you passed him the little paper cup as gracefully as if the swap were choreographed.

Of course, the familiar bark of the pup at his heels quickly dragged your attention downward and you squatted to give his pug Pakkun a few generous scratches behind his velvety ears.

“Good morning to you, too,” you said brightly, reaching one hand into your apron pocket to pull out a dog treat.

“You spoil him,” Kakashi said as Pakkun snatched the biscuit from your palm.

You shrugged. “I don’t have to deal with the consequences, so why not?”

Kakashi chuckled, sipping his coffee as he gave you a short wave.

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

You waved as Kakashi retreated across the empty parking lot, Pakkun trotting happily beside him.

You locked the door, but stayed rooted to your spot, watching the strange man until he disappeared around a far corner.

You always wondered where he was going so early in the morning, but had never had courage to ask.

You shook your head. None of your business, you reminded yourself for what felt like the thousandth time, and you returned to your work.

Most days at the café were exactly the same. The morning rush of folks picking up to-go orders on their way to work, followed by the stay-at-home parents who sat down for breakfast after school drop off. There was a smaller lunch rush, and then a yoga class let out right across the street and you’d serve a dozen cups of chai tea before removing your apron, putting in your employee meal order to go, and clocking out.

And then you did it all again the next morning. And the next. And then every workday the week after.

And every morning like clockwork, Kakashi tapped on the class at 5:30. You wondered if maybe you should tell him he didn’t have to knock, but you imagined perhaps the ritual of it was part of the appeal.

One morning, you found yourself rushing to the café in a nasty storm. Lightning cracked across the sky at nearly the same moment thunder loud enough to shake the windows or your car rumbled.

You’d worn a raincoat and brought an umbrella, but still somehow managed to end up soaked through your clothes.

A downed tree had slowed your commute, meaning you had rush once you arrived in order to complete all your opening duties on time.

When Kakashi tapped on the glass, you were hardly ready to serve him and burned your hand as you poured his coffee, swearing as the throbbing pain made its presence known.

You didn’t even look at him as you opened the door, handing over the coffee as quickly as possible before going to pull the door closed again.

“On the house today, Kakashi, see you tomorrow,” you said, hoping to send him off quickly so you could get back to work.

Pakkun’s front paws on your legs prevented you from doing so, however. You fumbled for a treat, looking down at the dog in annoyance as you did so.

He really was spoiled, you thought, but then the pug barked and he pawed at you again. You frowned, confused by his strange behavior.

It was then you realized Kakashi hadn’t said a word.

When you looked up at the man, his visible eye was downcast and unfocused. He was standing in the rain without an umbrella or even a coat, his silver hair plastered flat against his forehead as water ran in rivulets down his face and arms. Thunder pealed through the pattering of the rain, and he flinched at the sound.

Pakkun whined, rubbing his face against Kakashi’s shins to not effect. He gave a single sharp bark, but Kakashi did not react.

You hesitated before saying his name again, being sure to keep your voice level and firm, loud enough for him to hear you over the storm.

When his dark eye found you, you could see something was wrong. The usual smile was absent, and so was the bemused sparkle you’d come to expect.

“Kakashi, are you okay?” He flinched again and you pulled the door farther open. “Come inside,” you said, leaving no room for him to think it was a question instead of a command.

He didn’t move at first, but Pakkun trotted confidently into the café, and Kakashi followed when the pug’s leash pulled taut against his arm.

“Sit,” you said, pointing to a chair as you made your way behind the counter to grab a roll of paper towels. You knew they wouldn’t be much help, but it was the best you could offer.

Kakashi was perfectly still in the chair, hands clasped around his untouched coffee as Pakkun balanced his front paws against his owner’s knees, curled tail wagging frantically as he whined and rubbed his nose against Kakashi’s thigh.

You set the paper towels on the ground, pressing a hand to Kakashi’s shoulder only to jerk it away when he flinched at the contact.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, but Kakashi’s voice was tight and strained.

“Are you okay?” you asked, though you already knew the answer. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Kakashi shook his head, finally taking one hand off his coffee cup to pat Pakkun on the head.

“I have my car,” you offered, “I could give you a ride somewhere if you’d like. It’s too nasty out to walk anywhere.”

“I’m not going far,” he said, still focused on the little dog who hopped up into his lap eagerly and licked at his face.

You chewed your lip, wrestling with whether you should interfere any further. You looked at the wall clock, realizing you only had fifteen minutes before you were supposed to open the doors and knowing you would never finish all of your duties in time.

You just had to hope the weather would keep most of your regulars away for a little while longer, you decided.

Quickly, you traded your apron for your raincoat, grabbing your umbrella before standing in front of Kakashi and Pakkun with a bright smile plastered on your face.

“Come on! Let’s go!”

“Don’t you have to—”

You opened the door, stepping out into the rain and unfurling the umbrella without letting him finish his sentence.

Pakkun jumped off his lap and ran over to you, pulling on his leash insistently until Kakashi finally followed.

The two of you walked in silence as you held the umbrella over both your heads. Kakashi seemed contemplative as he walked, one hand in his pocket while the other clutched his coffee, Pakkun’s leash looped loosely over his wrist.

You followed as he turned out of the parking lot, marching up a short hill.

When you reached the top, your heart clenched and you hoped you were wrong about your destination.

But then Kakashi pushed open the dark iron gate and you followed him in.

A cemetery. Every morning, Kakashi bought a coffee from you, tipped handsomely, and walked to a graveyard.

“I lost my two closest friends and my commander,” he said simply as he maneuvered easily between the stones. You followed in silence, watching your feet carefully to make sure you didn’t trespass on anyone’s plot.

He stopped so abruptly you bumped into his back, stuttering through an apology as you face turned beet red at how intrusive you felt.

You weren’t supposed to be here. What had you been thinking?

But even over the sound of the rain, you could hear Kakashi’s chuckle and you felt like a weight had lifted off your chest. His pulled his hand from his pocket as he turned to face you, his palm clasping your shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s fine,” he said, before turning back around.

You stepped next to him, facing a monument of some kind, you realized. Your eyes travelled over the words for a moment before you understood it was a memorial for soldiers Killed in Action.

“I come here every morning before work,” he explained, “it’s why I have to come before the café opens. Otherwise, I’m always late to my classes.”

You swallowed thickly, nodding even though you weren’t sure he could see you.

“Sometimes when I’m here I can almost trick myself into thinking they’re still alive. Like maybe if I stay long enough, they’ll appear beside me like you are now.”

“I’m so sorry, Kakashi,” you said, feeling your throat grow tight at the obvious longing and sadness in his voice.

You stood in silence for a few long moments, knowing you would have to explain to your boss why the café opened so late this morning, and you hoping you wouldn’t face too much flak for it.

Though it was still raining hard, the thunder and lightning had all but subsided, fading away in the distance as the clouds moved on to new places.

Kakashi’s voice startled you worse than any thunder when he said, “Minato, Obito, Rin, I’d like you to meet my friend.” He turned to smile at you again, and you realized you would take whatever punishment that came your way, if meant helping Kakashi smile like that.

[daddy-deathslinger]

If you still need something to write how about pre entity caleb getting to know his s/o and him getting jealous somehow? Sfw or NSFW is your choice Also I hope I did this right I'm new here (:

Hi there! Firstly, I want to apologize for this taking so long to write, I’ve had kind of a creative block lately. Secondly, thank you so much for the suggestion and I hope you will be pleased with the outcome! <3

“Call the Doctor!” - Caleb Quinn/The Deathslinger x Genderneutral Reader

Warnings: Fluff, slight gore

The first time you'd come face to face with the infamous leader of the Hellshire gang had not been what one might have expected. Rumors and gossip of the gang and its cruel members had reached your ears as well as the next persons, but you'd never really been one to fear gangs. You had treated many men and women during your time as a field doctor, some outlaws even. And even though alot of people could be very on edge while undergoing operation, you'd never feared for your safety. You had your pistol in your belt, but you've rarely had to use it. So, when you were called to the camp of the Hellshire gang, you weren't too nervous. Infamous or not, you were sure you could handle them. Your patient had turned out to be none other than the leader of the gang, Caleb Quinn. He'd gotten his leg mauled in a fight, and it had been looking pretty darn bad. But with the help of Quinn himself, who turned out to be quite the engineer and inventor, you had put together a leg piece of iron that you'd fastened to his hurt leg. The procedure had been long and painful, and Quinn had sworn he'd tear your arms of plenty of times but you hadn't let it get to you or keep you from performing your best work. You weren't one to be easily scared by outlaws, not even when his friends were watching you dig in his leg and cause him immense pain. You had stayed with the men for a few days, making sure everything worked properly with Quinn's new leg cast, and during that time you could almost have sworn Quinn had gotten easier on you. At first you had thought it had been all the whiskey he'd been drinking to null his pain, but just before you were about to leave them, he'd asked where you lived. You'd responded that you traveled around, but after a bit persuasion and a quite darling looking smile from Quinn, you'd revealed where you were heading next to rest and re stock your supply of medicine.

That led to now. The early morning sun was shining through the curtains, blinding you where you lay in the comfortable bed of the hotel. Next to you, still asleep and snoring, lay none other than Caleb Quinn. You looked over at the man, smiling at his long hair being all in his face and still a bit rough looking after last night's endeavor. The two of you had met up for a drink at the saloon. One drink had turned into ten and next thing you knew you'd found yourself in this bed, straddling Caleb's lap while undressing between greedy kisses. His leg had still hurt a bit, so you'd had to take the lead once things had gotten really hot. You had not minded this one bit, but you'd sensed Caleb not being too happy over being the more submissive part during your love making. You giggled at the memory, planting a small kiss on the sleeping man's nose before getting out from bed. As you got dressed, you heard the bed sheets rustle and turned around to see Caleb wide awake and smiling.

"Mornin' there, sunshine", you chuckled, and Caleb gave you a teasing grin before sitting up in bed.

"Such an early bird, gotta get used to that", he said, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed and starting to get up.

You buttoned up your shirt and started gathering your things, and then you finally processed what he had just said.

"Wait..." you turned around again, looking at him getting dressed. "What you mean by that?"

He looked up at you, giving you a small chuckle.

"Don't mind me, still drunk from last night it seems..."

But you wouldn't have any of that.

"No, no, I definitely heard you say something quite interesting", you grinned, moving closer to him with playfully crossed arms. "Mind tellin' me again?"

Caleb chuckled again, shaking his head.

"I was just thinkin'..."

"What?" you urged on, poking him in his stomach so that he let out a yelp and grabbed your hands tightly.

"No need to get rough!" he chuckled, then he pulled you in for a tight hug, meeting your curious eyes. "I was just thinkin', since we're both headin' up North and all... Might need a doctor close by, the boys do tend to get themselves into all kinds of hurts lately."

You met the dark eyes of the leader of the infamous bounty hunter gang, and had to blink a couple of times before being able to speak.

"You... want me to join you?"

You gave him a confused, yet very amused look, and he teasingly squeezed your ass in response.

"I haven't forgotten your excellent work with my poor leg, and how calm you remained during the procedure despite my death treats", he said, his gaze suddenly turning a bit serious. "You're the first person ever not to look at me like I'm a beast, and as strange as it feels to admit it I kind of want someone like that on my team."

"'On your team'", you mimicked, swatting him playfully on the chest.

Before you got to respond to his not so small request, a loud scream was heard from downstairs. You froze, as you recognized the scream as belonging to John, the keeper of the saloon you currently stayed in. In one swift motion you'd released yourself from Caleb's embrace, grabbed your medicine bag and hurried downstairs. As you got down, you were met by John laying on his back behind the bar, grasping for something to help him pull himself up. His right arm was a bloody mess, and you saw a shattered bottle of liquor on the floor next to him.

"Christ, John!" you exclaimed, quickly making your way up to him and kneeling beside him.

"How'd you get into this mess?"

"Fuckin' hell if I know!" John spat, swearing as you got out a pair of pliers and started removing the pieces of glass stuck in his arm. "Must've slipped on somethin', darn bottle fell out from my hand!"

"I got you, just lay still, will ya!" you said while reaching for a bottle of whiskey you kept in your bag for disinfection purposes. "This might sting."

The next second John let out a grunt of pain as you washed his wounds with the alcohol, but he kept still as you worked. You heard footsteps coming downstairs, and figured Caleb had joined you.

"I'll go ahead and put some bandages on the wounds, John, but ya gotta keep that arm steady, alright?" you instructed, and John let out a muttering swear but nodded.

As you started bandaging the arm, John grabbed your knee with his free arm to keep steady. You didn't mind, John and you knew each other well and you had gotten him patched up before. As you finished tying up the bandage around his arm, he let out a stuttering sigh and sat up straight.

"God bless ya, Y/N", he sighed, putting his healthy arm around you and giving you a tight hug. "I'd be a dead man by now if ya wouldn't be here for me!"

You laughed and hugged him back, then helping him get back up on his feet. As you turned around, you saw Caleb studying you with a peculiar look on his face.

"Too much blood for you?" you teased, wiping your bloody hands on your pants and putting back your tools in your bag.

Caleb didn't answer, raising his eyebrows and then turning away. You sensed something was wrong, and as he walked out from the saloon you decided to follow him.

"What's the matter with you all of a sudden?" you asked, walking behind him as he got up to his horse who he had tied outside of the saloon.

You grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and face you.

"Well? Cat got your tongue?"

Caleb let out a scoff and avoided your gaze.

"Gotta get going, I'm sure you've got your hands full over there", he said and nodded towards the saloon.

You burrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Well I'll be go-to-hell, what's that supposed to mean?" you exclaimed, only receiving a scoff from Caleb.

He still avoided your gaze stubbornly, and the reality of his mood suddenly dawned on you in a wave of relief and pure amusement.

"Hold on a second here", you said, trying to hide the smile wanting to creep up on your lips. "Caleb Quinn, are you jealous about me treating a patient?"

Caleb tried to look unbothered, but you saw you had hit the right spot. The small, embarrassed smile he tried to hide all the while still avoiding your gaze was a dead giveaway. You started laughing, embracing him in a hug and kissing his lips. You felt him laugh back into the kiss, and when you pulled back from the kiss you saw him smiling that oh so handsome, crooked smile of his.

"You've gotta get used to me treating folks that are hurtin' if I'm to come with you on the road, you know that, right?" you giggled, receiving a quiet smirk and another kiss from Caleb.

"Still drunk", he chuckled, receiving a scoff from you this turn.

"And you gotta work on your lying", you said, squeezing him tightly in a warm hug that he happily mirrored. 

[historicalfightingguide]

“ Hi there guys, gals, and non-binary pals! HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY

6 years ago today, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life by sharing my authentic self with the world and came out as gay. In what has now been a full circle moment, I am proud to announce a special pre-order dropping today of the new Bigotry Free Jiu Jitsu rashguards

There have been far too many intolerant martial artists doubling down on expressing sentiments that are against human rights, and we simply we not stand by and allow those within the martial arts community to exclude, diminish, or disrespect the validity of anyone’s right to be treated equally

This collaborative effort could not have been possible without the support, allyship & love of my friends at @suckerfreejiujitsu , the original artwork render of the logo done by @roobeeo , artistic talents of my boyfriend @n.p.art.gallery in reworking this design to incorporate the new, all inclusive Pride flag, and our manufacturer Usman, who was able to quickly put together this beautiful rashguard which features the colors of the Trans flag

All profits from this project will be donated 50/50 to The Black Trans Advocacy Coalition & to The Center for Black Equity. “

You can find them here via suckerfreejiujitsu with other great designs as well.

Found here via  QT HEMA 

From there description:

“Welcome to QTH, the first and only group for queer and trans people in HEMA! This is a safe space for discussion, support, advice, etc. We are currently a closed group for privacy reasons only, membership is open to everyone.There are no formal rules at this time, but if you are an asshole I will ban you. Sometime soon (a week or so) formal rules will be established. For now, just be nice.

---------------------------------------------------------------

If you are not queer OR trans: Welcome! Because this is a space for a marginalized group, here are some guidelines for participating in our space.This space is open to everyone, but please understand that it is primarily a space for queer and trans people. This means that no one here is obligated to educate you, or explain things to you. It also means that if you say something hurtful or talk over queer and trans voices, you will be asked to rephrase your comments or take a step back. At some point, someone will say something along the lines of "straight people do this and it's bad" or "cis people do this and it's bad". Resist the urge to defend yourself personally! If you are here, it is very likely that they don't mean you. “

While there’s other queer-friendly HEMA groups this is the only one meant primarily for LGBTQ folks.

Do not forget to check out the QT HEMA fb page or their great patches.

Jiu-jitsu as such isn’t really HEMA but is a related grappling art to those found in HEMA, HAMA, HCMA, HPMA etc.

So folks wanted to study historical grappling arts may still find it useful and it’s always cool to help stand against bigotry.

Ringen discussiongroup! is a good place to check out if you’re interested in historical wrestling variants, as are  HEMA Grapplers  and Scholars of Fiore dei Liberi.

The first group focuses on ringen, the second is about more general historical wrestling types,the third on armizare, the wrestling portion of which is called abrazare.

If you’re interested in learning about historical forms of boxing or as it was often called pugilism check out  HEMA pugilists

If you are interested in more modern forms of unarmed combat do check out  Southpaw's Mixed Mutual Arts Club

Remember to check out  A Guide to Starting a Liberation Martial Arts Gym

Consider getting some patches of this sort to show support for good causes.

And stay safe

[rheaitis]

growing up gay on the internet

(apologies if you’ve seen this on twitter)

The first time I told a girl I loved her, she'd been telling me stories from fanfic she'd been reading. Not right then, a few hours before. When I told her, she stared at me, horrified, and said, "You're trying to make everything like that fanfic." [friends to lovers, slow-burn] Harry Potter, of course. I think Ron/Harry? Of course because everyone I knew in school read Harry Potter, often in great heaving knots gathered around OotP till teachers intervened. Many of us then read fanfic because we just wanted more stories in that place. 

I read in other fandoms, at the time X-Men. I am still angry about X3, not just because X3 was bad, but because it wasn't Minisinoo's Grail in re Warren Worthington III.  Not that I expected it have a queer Warren. I didn't know at the time that Warren is canonically queer in at least one timeline, and I never expected satisfying queerness from media in any case. This was 2004, early 2005, and wee teenaged Rhea knew better. I was wrong, but not about the movieverse unqueering X-Men. (Incidentally, if you haven't, please watch @eruthrosish's amazing Straightening Up the House, which talks about just this)

But anyway, back to 2004-05, a very little and increasingly angry Rhea trying to explain that it was love! Uninfluenced by fanfic! All me, baby! I mean, it wasn't true, a lot of that was very definitely the fanfic. Where else was I gonna find models of happy queers? Not in Indian media, for sure. In American... Tara Maclay died, Will Truman never got any dates, Lex Luthor was only coded queer. I was years away from reading queer lit, and even there fandom was my guide. 

I was lucky, insofar as I went to a single-sex school where a lot of people were gay-for-the-stay, including the girl I was confessing to. But for-the-stay, mostly, leading to my current consternation about the batch group chat I've just joined. The girls I kissed, tho, the girl I was in love with, they weren't thinking of queer futures, and all my dreaming happened with my nose pushed up to the screen of boxy desktops with limited or paid-by-the-hour internet. The last three years of school, I skulked around fandom. I read everything. First as much queer Harry Potter stuff as I could find, then whatever my favourite authors had written in other fandoms, then whatever their friends had written in those. The Magneto in my heart is penknife's wry, wounded one written in the wake of the 1st film. I read *so much* in so many fandoms, wandering around forums and livejournal blogs and the personal & communal websites where people like @astolat and @rageprufrock and @seperis hosted their fanfic. Smallville and pre-Cas SPN and SG1/SGA. 

And of course, Harry Potter. We rp'ed Harry Potter en masse, in 04-05: my batch the Marauder generation, our juniors the protagonist's. Rampages and letter-writing and patched-together friendships across school, and in the middle of it, I with my trove of queer fic in a dis/similar school.

This is not, btw, to commend fandom, then or now, but especially then, 5-2 years before RaceFail. (i-was-there-gandalf.gif) Even in my limited (by pocket-money) and very single-minded experience, it was misogynistic & racist, but I could see a brown girl on TV any time. Probably as a joke if she was dark and fat like me [by the standards of my community at the time] but there, anyway. There and straight. Fire had come out when I was learning I liked girls, but it wasn't exactly accessible. Girlfriend had just been released & I hated it.

All I wanted from fandom was to be flooded with stories of queerness, the possibility that I could become an adult without suddenly wanting to kiss (or marry!) men, that it didn't have to be a phase I would grow out of, or an entanglement, like Ma said, from which I could escape. A paucity of imagination, perhaps. I didn't know to demand canonical queers till I was in college. I still barely know how to demand canonical Indian queers. All I wanted was girls kissing girls, not as a game or dare or all the excuses the girls kissing me used. Queer love, queer domesticity, queer pining that ended in mutual confessions, fandom's favourite games. I'd have done so much better in my board exams if I hadn't been spending every free minute reading about Remus/Sirius or Lex/Clark or Jack/Daniel. (Notice the lack of f/f)

A note also in memory of all the we're-not-gay-we-just-love-each-other fic that I very possibly read against the grain as people escaping the shackles of comphet because of the strength of their love. (I didn't know the word comphet. What I was thinking was very awkward.)

Fandom found me friends. Fandom found me community. Fandom raised me in the bits of my life I couldn't admit to any of the adults around me. But honestly, fandom's job was done the moment it gave me access to queer texts, queer narratives I never expected from canonised media. I could go home from school, ferret my pendrive from its hiding place, and just spend a couple hours every day reading about Sirius & Remus raising Harry, Clark & Lex driving to the ocean, Jack & Daniel wandering alien sands. Queer people! Not defined/restricted by queerness! okay fine, cis white dudes, primarily. but that's a fandom problem, and I was used, anyway, to all my English-language media being about white folk. Queer POC still blew my mind in 2015, desi queers still do. Queer people! Who can pronounce my name maybe?! 

If you'd told me at 15 that I could read published books that had queer people in them... Well. And again, fandom did that work for me as well. That's how I discovered queer lit beyond, like, Oscar Wilde. Fandom recc'd me Maurice & Mary Renault & Sarah Waters.

I usually conclude this kinda spiel by saying fandom helped me find love, and that's true, but only in a roundabout way each time. The first girlfriend I had was the girl at the beginning of this story; three years after we broke up, I met @filianoctis and immediately told her Renault stories: the novel, first, and then fic. Yes and no, basically. But fandom let me imagine it, in all the stories of queer adults buying groceries and making beds, drinking beer and raising kids. Desire I knew I had the first time I wanted to kiss a girl but a future was harder to imagine. The first time I told a girl I loved her, the 2009 decriminalisation was four+ years away. I had no queer adults to turn to; I wasn't entirely sure adults could be queer. Nothing in my experience suggested it.

Except fanfic.

[qvill-s]

can i request a relationship headcanons with dorothea or bernadetta? i hope you’re doing well! drink plenty of water :)

NOTES: guess who got her new laptop :D !!! i can finally edit and post some requests bc ,,, tumblr mobile just ain’t it folks. but anyway, here’s your request ! i didn't really know if you wanted it pre or post timeskip, so i tried to keep that as ambiguous as i could.

WARNINGS: brush your teeth if you don't want cavities folks, because it's all sweet below the cut (for once sksksk)

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

bernadetta &&. dorothea + relationship headcanons under the cut !!!

BERNADETTA

A relationship with Bernie is definitely slow-starting. The relationship starts with a friendship — and maybe even a mutual "I don't know you, but you seem nice" kind of vibe going on beforehand — as you catch her between classes and in the handful of times she leaves the comfort of her room.

It will take some time, so please be patient! Opening up and trusting other people doesn't come quite as easily to her, but once she realizes that you mean her no harm or ill-will, she'll be able to settle into your presence and get used to having you around. The important thing here is to give her time, be patient, and keep at it.

Once that happens, though, the two of you become fast friends. Most of your time together is spent in the dorms, more in her room than yours. She just feels much safer inside the four walls she's used to seeing, and plus, all the things you guys needed for your activities were in her room anyway, so it made little sense to relocate.

You guys definitely have painting nights! She sets up a stuffed animal or a venus flytrap on a table and the two of you try to paint it to the best of your abilities. When the weather is particularly nice, the two of you go out into some quiet corner of the monastery and paint the scenery there. Hers always come out better than yours, no matter what she says to try and brush you off.

She's always offering to patch up your clothes. After one ripped hem too many, you insist that she teaches you how to sew, saying that it's a good life skill to have. Even after she teaches you, she still says that she's happy to fix up the rip in your sleeve herself.

Falling for each other came easy. Neither of you can pinpoint when exactly the two of you saw each other as more than friends, when a casual touch to the shoulder became more than that, when stolen glances began to linger, and shared smiles became much more common.

You were both in denial, however, refusing to believe that the other could ever like you back, even when it was plain to see that the two of you were already head over heels for each other. In fact, when the two of you confess, no one is surprised more than yourselves. Bernadetta most of all, because never in her wildest dreams did she even hope that you shared her feelings.

After the initial excitement, little changes between the two of you as you enter a romantic relationship. You still have painting nights, take tea in her room, and spend most of your time indoors — but this time, the experience is peppered with red cheeks and clasped hands and the little physical expressions of intimacy.

That being said, the first time you two kiss is an endearing mess, with faces so red you could rival a pair of tomatoes. There's a lot of awkward fumbling and one (1) incident of teeth clashing at first, but once the two of you find your rhythm — well, they could very well be the fairytale kisses she writes about in her stories.

DOROTHEA

Dorothea, though she may seem more approachable than Bernadetta, owns a heart that is not so easily won. Her life on the streets and at the Opera taught her all about pretty words, their value, their weight. Pretty words, yes, but they are only that.

That being said, she isn’t particularly inclined to let anyone whose words can only be taken at face value to get too close to her. She’ll only open up to you if you show her that there’s more to you than just your words, that you can back them up with actions, that you understand the weight of words and use them wisely. A romantic relationship, however, doesn’t start until you show her that you don’t think any less of her just because she’s a commoner.

It’s something she’s heard  — usually along the lines of, “Oh, you’re beautiful for a commoner” — and reminded of a lot in her life. Not to mention, at the Officer’s Academy, she’s a part of the Black Eagles class, where commoners are few and far between. She’s tired of hearing about class, about commoners and nobility, about how the latter are supposedly better than everyone else, especially when her experiences tell her otherwise, so it’ll come as a pleasant surprise when you tell her that you aren't concerned with such things, and mean it.

It’ll take some time, as with most things, but once she sees that you genuinely care for her, there’s very little about you that she isn’t enamored with. She loves your smile, the sound of your laugh, the gleam in your eyes when you’re happy. She thinks the flush in your cheeks when you’re embarrassed or angry (or both) is endearing. She adores that you care for her as much as she cares for you, checking in on her after particularly brutal battles, or even when she’s simply having an off day.

When you remember the little things she’s told you, like giving her a crown of the wildflowers you saw on your walk that she said she liked, or a recipe of a cake from the café you ate at that she enjoyed, she’s flattered. Your gifts, though usually inexpensive, are priceless in what they mean to her.

Your dates together exist outside of the monastery, outside of lectures, outside of battles. They are the moments of peace in your lives, where you don’t have to think of much beyond each other — the way her hair falls on her face when she tips her head forward to read the menu, the way she covers her dazzling smile with a hand when she’s embarrassed — and beyond whether or not you should try the new tea blend the café is offering.

If you’re interested in black magic, she’s more than happy to teach you, which comes as a relief for you because, uh, the other Black Eagles don’t seem too eager to do so. (Read: Hubert leered, and Linhardt declined in favor of a nap.) She’s a decent teacher who tries to make the difficult concepts easier to understand, but she won’t give you a free pass for slacking just because she’s your girlfriend. She does, of course, reward you with a kiss if you manage to expel a bolt of thoron successfully.

Kisses with Dorothea are usually a gentle — if not a little teasing — affair. She’ll cup your face in her hands, sweep a dainty thumb across a cheek, curve her lips into a smile before she presses them against your own. If she’s feeling a little mean that day, she’ll bite your bottom lip and leave you with a promise that goes unfulfilled (for the moment) and an almost cherubic smile as she goes off to do her errands.

[fickle-fixations]

Keep Me Safe

Diaval's bird body has become weak and he finds himself in need of a new one. What he wasn’t expecting was being restored by means both physical and of the heart.

Or, two goths falling for each other.

This takes place in the middle of the first Maleficent movie and can be considered a precursor to my Old War Bird series, which I am still working on, slowly but surely.

Word count: 2393 // Warnings: bones, body transfer/rebirth thing, mentions of memories of pain // Genre: pre-romance, hurt/comfort, a bit of angst, a bit of fluff, a bit of adventure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mistress,” Diaval began cautiously as he and Maleficent neared her home deep in the Moors. 

He held his breath for a moment, waiting to see if she would snap or turn him back into his original form.

She was silent, concentrating  on each step. It still hurt her to walk. Ever since her wings were ripped from her and her back was damaged, it hurt to do almost everything.

“I was wondering if you were aware,” Diaval fumbled, “Well of course you are, but, I thought I’d take it upon myself to remind you,”

“Out with it,” she demanded.

“You see, ravens usually only live about fifteen years. The longest I ever saw was an old bird who lived to twenty, but Aroura is nearly eleven years old now and that would make me quite old for a raven. I can feel myself getting weaker every time I fly and-”

“I’ll get you a new body tomorrow.” 

Diaval halted abruptly. He blinked a few times, his gaze trained on her curiously.

He had expected her to say that he should just deal with it or that she would find a new creature to be her wings. But this? He had known Maleficent for most of the years of his life and, from what he could tell, this was a grand gesture.

Still a selfish one, in a sense, but still, she could have very easily replaced him. 

He kept walking and tried to hide his smile. He wondered if she could see very well in the dark.

The next morning, Diaval rose to keep watch with the sun, as he always did, though the night before he had hardly slept. He stayed up most of the night with questions swimming in his mind.

He wondered where this new body would come from. He wondered if he would be able to remember everything after he somehow inhabited this new body. He wondered if this really was a sliver of compassion in his cold mistress. He wondered why the thought of Maleficent doing something for him made him quiver and feel lightheaded and nearly weightless. 

He watched as the morning sun cast its warm light on his sleeping mistress.

The Moors began to come to life with sound and movement. Birds chirped and creatures flitted and scurried. Nyads sang from far upstream and the tree folk stirred but continued to slumber. 

And after a while, as she always did, his mistress awoke with a start, her eyes wild with fear. But, as always, it was only for a moment. 

She always looked peaceful when she slept and strong while she was awake.

Diaval was the only one who saw this part of her. The part of her underneath all the strength. The part of her that was plagued with fear and pain from her past. 

A moment later, her face was set in her usual cold expression again. Only then did he alight from his perch in the tree above her.

She turned him into his human form at just the right moment so his feet would touch the ground almost gracefully. He realized he couldn’t remember the last time he stumbled after being transformed. They had gotten quite used to little things like this. He quivered and felt light again.

“Good morning, Mistress.”

He always said that, though she hardly ever acknowledged it. When she did, it was usually with some harsh remark. 

“Diaval.” she replied simply as he handed her her staff.

Fluttering. Diaval realized that’s what his heart was doing. His heart was fluttering like a fledgeling leaving the nest for the first time. Excited and fearful and free.

Later that day, when the sun had just started to dim, Maleficent informed him it was time for them to get his new body.

As they began walking, Diaval was struck with a sudden, terrible realization. 

“Mistress,” he piped up, “I’m just now thinking that it really isn’t so bad after all. I’m sure if you turned me back to a raven right now I would feel as strong as ever! And, well if my wings ever do give out I could always walk.”

“What are you fussing about now?” Maleficent snapped, “Just yesterday you were whining and complaining about how weak you are and now you say you’re as strong as a young bird. Now which one is it? I won’t have you wasting my time, Diaval.”

The raven man ran his hands through his dirty, black hair, trying to figure out how to answer her without further inciting her anger. He looked down at the ground as he spoke.

“Well,” he began, rocking back and forth on his heels, “You see, mistress, while my body is becoming a bit weaker, I could never ask you to take the life of another raven simply for my gain. I don’t know how I would live with myself if-”

Diaval was cut off by the sound of Maleficent… laughing. He could hardly believe his ears. He looked back up at her and sure enough, she was laughing.

He had never heard her laugh before, besides a couple times when she was laughing at someone. But this was different. She sounded actually amused. Her laugh made him think he could imagine her actually being happy, once upon a time.

He saw her smile for a moment. Despite her fangs, her smile didn’t look menacing. He noticed how her eyes squinted just a little bit when she laughed. Her eyes or maybe her whole face just seemed a little brighter than they usually did.

In that moment, she looked to Diaval like a perfect mix between dark strength and the ghost of the bright, young, joyful faerie she once was, long before he met her. He couldn’t put words to how incredible she was to him. To him, she was beautiful.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, laughter still lingering in her voice, “You didn’t honestly think I would kill another raven to give you new wings?”

“I was worried for a moment.” Diaval tried to laugh it off as well, but he found it hard to rid himself of the fear he felt just minutes before. 

It was almost baffling to him that one person could fill him with so much fear and awe at the same time. But he never feared for his own life around Maleficent. No, he hadn’t felt that particular fear since the moment he met her.

“And here I thought you knew me,” she said, smirking.

They continued walking. She was leading him deep into the Moors. Deeper than he had ever gone. Even though the sun wasn’t getting any higher in the sky, the world around them seemed to grow brighter as time passed. The deeper into the Moors they went and the more dense the trees grew, the lighter the air became. Magic seemed to be stronger there. The depths of the Moors were full of life.

“We’re here.” Maleficent finally said.

To Diaval, they didn’t look to be anywhere in particular. She had stopped at a very ordinary looking patch of dirt at the base of a rather ordinary looking tree surrounded by very ordinary looking grass and foliage.

“Really?” he said sceptically.

“Really.” she said, flicking her hand and turning him into his raven form before he could ask anything else.

He instantly felt weak and tired again. He felt his bones creak with age and a heaviness in his head.

“Now,” she said, kneeling on the ground beside him, “This won’t take too long and this won’t hurt you as long as you work with me, and as long as you aren’t afraid. You have no reason to be afraid.”

Diaval shook out his wings and ruffled his feathers a bit. He turned his head to look up at her, first with one eye, then the other. In her eyes were nothing but calm and strength. How could he ever be afraid when he was looking into those eyes?

He nodded his head.

‘I trust you.’

She nodded in return, then reached back and plucked out one of his feathers. But her eyes never left his. 

He didn’t feel the need to caw in protest. It was hardly even painful. He just watched, transfixed as she worked.

She buried the feather in the dirt. She lay her hands on the patch of earth and it grew dark and moist. Something started to form beneath the dirt. As he watched whatever it was take shape, he felt her hand on the back of his head.

The body of a raven began to rise from the ground, but as it did so, he found it hard to concentrate on anything. His vision was getting blurry. He looked once more into Maleficent’s reassuring eyes before the world went black.

He awoke a few moments later. His vision and mind was still hazy but he felt a new life and strength in him. He saw that the other raven body was lying on the ground beside Maleficent, now. 

He watched as the feathers started to crumble. Then, all the feathers and flesh fell away to dust, leaving nothing but bones behind.

His mind was becoming clearer now and he stood, shakily to his feet. He realized the body beside Maleficent was in fact his old body. He was nothing but bones, but he was more alive than he had felt in a long time. He felt strong and he felt safe.

He looked up at her. He had always known she was powerful but he had never imagined she could do anything quite like this. He was grateful to her and he was in awe of her.

As much as she tried to present herself to the humans as a terrifying creature of death, he knew the truth. He saw it in how she protected and watched over Aurora. He saw it in how she paid attention to everything that went on in the Moors and how, deep down, all she wanted was for the other creatures to be safe from humans. He saw it now in how she had done this unbelievable act of giving him new life.

He saw her as a creature of life. One that he loved with his entire being.

That was the first time he had ever admitted it to himself. He loved Maleficent. The words felt as new to him as his new body did, but they felt just as fitting, too.

He hopped over to her, a bit wobbly on his new, youthful legs.

“Are you alright, Diaval?” she asked cautiously.

He cawwed and nodded. He looked down at the bones of his old body. He didn’t miss it as much as he thought he would, though he hated the thought of them just wasting away here in the middle of nowhere. 

He carefully separated his skull from the rest of the bones and laid it in Maleficent’s lap. Even though she didn’t know it, she held his heart, so it was only fitting that she be the keeper of his old body as well. He offered it to her as a symbol of his love and gratitude. His love that he thought he would never have the courage to admit in words.

She looked surprised, maybe even touched. She picked the skull up and held it gently in her hands.

“I shall keep it safe.” she said in a soft but resolute voice.

She wasn’t one for thanking people or saying ‘you’re welcome’ or anything of that nature, but he knew that her words meant so much more than that. Her words were an acknowledgment of his trust. He knew that, in a way, she cared for him too.

As she rose to her feet he decided to try flying with his new wings. He flew in tight circles not too far above her head. It felt so good to be able to fly without feeling tired as soon as he left the ground. He felt like he could fly faster than a hummingbird and higher than a dragon. Maybe he felt this way because of his new body, but maybe, this was just what it felt like to be in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a week later, when he awoke in the nest he had built right beside where Maleficent slept, Diaval noticed a new ring on her outstretched right hand. He hopped nearer to his still-sleeping mistress’ hand. Upon further inspection he realized that the ring was made of the skull he had given her.

Pride swelled up in his chest.

She soon awoke, and this time, there was no blazing fear in her eyes.

He cawwed ‘good morning’ to her.

She didn’t respond but she sat up slowly, clutching at her back with her left hand. After over a decade, the place where her wings used to be still caused her pain nearly every day. Some days the pain was worse than others. Diaval knew that this physical pain always brought back terrible memories of however it was that she had lost her wings. Being in pain always made her angry and sad. Daival hated seeing her like that.

She squinted her eyes shut as she clutched at her back even tighter.

He cawwed at her, hoping to distract her from the pain.

“What,” she half-demanded, half-groaned as she opened her eyes again.

Diaval nodded at the ring on her right hand and puffed out his chest a little.

‘You liked it! You liked my gift!’

“Oh, stop being sentimental,” she said, rolling her eyes, “I’m simply keeping it safe, as I promised I would.”

Diaval flitted around a bit - if he were human at that moment he would have smiled.

“Now stop acting like a foolish little fledgling and help me stand up,” she sighed.

She flicked her right hand and he scrambled to his feet even while he was still transforming.

He held both her hands, steadying her as she stood. He absentmindedly brushed his thumb back and forth over the skull on her finger. He handed her her staff which she held in her left hand, while he still held her right. 

She looked down at their hands then back up at him, raising her eyebrow.

He couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

“It suits you.”

“I suppose it does.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

| I hope you enjoyed it! Would you consider buying me a ko-fi? |

@darkphoenixfae @dimensionbitch @hawkeyesgrl @reapeared @borrafey

@violetwolfraven

I hope you guys don’t mind that I tagged you in this one! I am working on the Old War Bird stuff but I thought I’d put this out there in the mean time :)

[sole-survivor-sent-me]

As It Was

It was all ripped away. In a flash of light and a cascade of fire, her world was ripped away. 

“And on that cheek, and o’er that brow - So soft, so calm, yet eloquent - the smiles that win, the tints that glow - but tells of days in goodness spent - a mind at peace with all below - a heart whose love is innocent!”

Poem by Lord Byron (George Gordon)

_______________________________________________________________

Hunger, pain, the fear of not surviving the day. Things Nellie never had to encounter in her past life. She had endured an occasional fight as a young woman, usually ones she fought for others, but it was nothing compared to being whacked with a spike board by a seven foot tall Super Mutant... yes. Those exist now. Everything she used to know was nothing, it was all gone - changed by radiation or turned into dust by time. There was always a constant ache that would never let her rest. The constant reminder that there was a gaping hole where her family used to be… where she used to be. The person she once was just as dead as the rest of the world.

The fire in front of her popped, knocking her away from her thoughts. She was sitting on hard, rocky ground and that would soon become her bed, in a clearing in no place in particular. The sun had set an hour or so ago, but she had kept her fire going - despite the fact it would only draw threats to her. She held a 10mm Pistol in her right hand, ready to face anything that wandered too close. But deep in the back of her mind, she wanted to use it for something else. Something that would end the nightmare, withdraw her from the scorched, irritated landscape that surrounded her. What she really wanted was to ease the ache and finally rest.

The clothes she wore smelled like dried sweat and blood that had been fermenting on her for weeks. The old, blue vault suit had stitched-up patches that covered old bullet holes, and the armor she had on her limbs had deep dents on them. It was as if she had been on a battlefield, and perhaps she still was. Her life now was filthy and blood soaked. Death was an unwelcome companion, everyday she saw it… and saw it caused by her own hands. She suffers everyday. And today, she goes hungry. 

There was no food in her small duffle bag. Nellie had run out the day before and had eaten a wild irradiated plant in the early morning. All that was in there was some ammunition, stimpacks, and some personal forget-me-nots. She took out some old photos that were protected by a plastic bag in a tin box and held them to the light. The top one was of her and her husband with their baby, it was the first day out of the hospital. They were so happy. Love used to surround them, they were soul mates. And it was all taken away by a bullet to the chest. 

Revenge was not enough to right the wrong that had been done. She could kill the man who shot her husband a thousand times but nothing would change, Amber would still be dead and his ghost would still haunt her. She needed to find their son. He was still out here, she knew it. She could not die yet, no matter how much she longed for the release. She was the only survivor of a deadly vault malfunction, she alone survived. 

“Now, there’s a reason for that.” An unexpected familiar voice toar her from the depth of her mind.

“Pops?” She stood. Looking for the face of her father. 

“Maybe Shaun isn’t the only reason you are outch-here.” The familiar southern twang and joyful tone - there was no mistaking it. 

“Pops, come out of the shadows.” She twirled around, trying to find him. “Sit by the fire with me.”

“I’m already sittin’.” There he was. Sitting on a metal stool by the fire. He wore his usual loose collared shirt and trousers. One of his boots untucked and that big smile of his. “Now, you sit with me?”

She did so, her gaze glued to him. “How are you here?”

“Nevermind that. But I will tell ya why.” He leaned towards her, closer to the light of the fire. “I want you to promise me something, Chickpea.” 

“You came all the way out here for a promise?”

“No, I came because you needed me to.” He paused, observing his daughter's condition. “You look like you been dragging yourself through the muck, Nell. And I don’t just mean physically. I know you ain’t had much choice, and if I could I would take you back home to Summersville. I’d throw you over my shoulder and off we’d go! But the truth is… I ain’t here anymore.”

She huffed, “I know that! … But you are HERE.”

“Because you need help! And because you need to help others too.” He pointed at her, “Chickpea, you are a smart woman. You been taught how to make use of the land - though I know it ain’t the same land it used to be - but nonetheless you been taught how to build, tinker, modify, hell you went to college and learned how to code computers!”

“It was one class, I can’t -” 

“Now just listen. I have a lot I wanna say.” He signed, and leaned back on his stool. “What happened to this world was awful. It destroyed so much, and took so much away. But it did not take everythin’. You are still here. I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself! There is so much more to do. What about these folks who are still out here survivin’? How bout you share that knowledge! You know how to read and write, hell, teach them and pass on your knowledge that way!” He smiled, “And your baby... He needs you, Chickpea. The only way you’re going to get to him is if others help you do so.”

She put her head in her free hand, her other hand gripping the pistol tight. “What if I can’t find him? What if I fail?”

“There is nothing wrong with being afraid, but you can’t let it paralyze ya. These last few weeks, what have you been doing? Wandering around, fighting, killing, and all for what? Why don’t you stop for a moment and use the skills of a Fraser and build a healthy place to settle for the folks you help in passing. And maybe, they will help you too.”

“Pops…”

“You are an educated, pre-war woman. You have suffered loss, but that won’t keep you down.” George stood up and held out his hand. “Pick yer-self up, Nell.” 

She looked at his hand, and grabbed it tight with both of hers and pulled herself to her feet. “Now promise me somethin’.”

“Anything, Pops.” The fire was getting low, it’s light did not illuminate his face any more. It was only a shadow that she could only see the shape of.

“Promise you won’t end your own life. Not tonight, or any other night.” 

Nellie held her breath. Her rational mind told her this was all in her head, and this whole conversation was fabricated by her own mind. But her heart only heard her father speaking. Like he really did come from the grave to build her up again. “I promise.”

“Don’t you go forgetting what I said. I meant e’ery word.” He wrapped her in a quick embrace, one that was not warm like they used to be. “Stay strong, Chickpea.” 

She felt his arms fall away but did not hear any steps. The fire was just red embers now and the half moon only revealed stillness around her. He was never really there. 

Fatigue creeped up on her, and she sunk to the hard, rocky earth. She loosely grabbed her 10mm Pistol in her hands and cradled it in her lap. That feeling deep in her still remained, but her and Pops never broke their promises to each other.

She stared at the stars. Knowing that she had to go back to her hired gun, MacCready. She had left him alone when they both needed each other, and if she were to need anyone in this Hellish place. It was him.

[seaquestions]

daisy bell

wip of a very fluffy megatron/soundwave fic, in a pre-war au. i want to finish it but idk if i will (cause its shaping up to be Much longer than i thought it’d be), so i’ll post the first part of it that reads as finished! heads up though, it’s unedited, in lowercase, and soundwave’s not even in it (yet!)

"what'cha got there, chief?"

frenzy's curious voice jolted megatron out of his thoughts. though he was used to the minibot's tendency to barge into their quarters without even knocking, he had been deeply concentrating on his work.

"ooh, shiny!" frenzy said, scampering into the room.

megatron fumbled with the object, optics checking to make sure the door was closed. it was, thankfully. "please lower your voice," he said.

"oh!" the light in frenzy's optical band also flickered towards the door. "sorry, chief," he whispered, apologetically.

the minibot sat down on the hard metal berth he shared with his twin on the left side of the cramped, underground room, across from megatron. his legs swung back and forth from the edge, and he asked, "so what is it? somethin' important? somethin'... illegal?"

megatron fixed his charge with an unimpressed stare. "frenzy."

"what? you were lookin' all secretive 'n slag, i'm bound ta get curious!"

megatron sighed. "yes, it \is/ important, and no, i \don't/ want people to know about it. \and/ it's fragile."

frenzy leaned in. "yeesh, talk about a triple threat. but hey, you can trust me, can't ya? i only wanna look! and i won't even tell rumble!"

megatron found that extremely doubtful. even though he knew rumble was currently on shift with impactor (and primus, he really should try to get that changed at some point. the mech was a \terrible/ influence on the little ones. not that he ever could. impactor would never admit it, but megatron knew that he was quite fond of the two.), he also knew that the twins were \always/ gossiping over their link no matter how far apart they might be.

"i will show you. but!" he exclaimed, before frenzy got too excited, "when rumble finds out," when and not if, "he has to promise not to talk about it either."

frenzy's visor flared, and he nodded firmly. "we promise!"

internally, megatron smiled. he never really wanted to keep things from the twins, especially not something like this. he was far too fond of them both, ever since they were placed under his care all those stellar cycles ago. not only that, but the item was something for their \other/ caretaker.

"it's a gift," he said, holding his hand out, "for soundwave."

in his hand was a tiny blue metal box, painstakingly polished by hand. the cover had faded silver detailing, too delicate and ornate for megatron to even attempt to patch up. on the front was a latch, also in silver.

megatron smiled at frenzy. "go on then. you can open it. gently."

the minibot looked up at him, as if asking if he was \really/ allowed, then carefully pulled the latch open.

as the cover flipped up and revealed the interior, frenzy gasped. inside the box were two minuscule figurines entwined in a dance. their delicate armour must have been made by hand, from this close, he could see all the tiny imperfections, not that they made the sculptures any less beautiful. the inside of the cover itself was lined with a light blue crystal material, giving it a sort of glow. in the corner of the surface that the two figurines were placed, there was a button. frenzy hovered a servo over it, looking up at megatron, who nodded at him.

when he pressed it, the dancing figurines started to spin. then, music started to play, soft and twinkling. it was faint, but frenzy eventually recognised it as some sort of... lullaby? Some old song that he remembers soundwave singing when he and rumble first arrived at the mine under Nova Point, tiny and scared. it comforted them enough to lull them to recharge, something that they both had trouble with. in fact, wasn't that how soundwave unofficially became their second caretaker?

when the twins were sent to the mine shortly after their creation, they met with d-16, later nicknamed megatron, to learn the ropes. megatron himself was still young, and grieving from the loss of his own mentor, terminus. the old mech had fallen victim to a cave-in not too long ago. but it was because of that loss that megatron decided that he would be a mentor to the two minibots. the other miners were too brash, too uncaring. megatron was lucky to have met terminus, and so he was determined to be just as good to the twins. one aspect that he could never succeed at was getting them to recharge soundly. even when he managed to get the two to shut off their optics and go to recharge, he could tell that they were having nightmares. he didn't know what to do.

it continued that way until he met soundwave.

the mech was transferred to Nova Point Mine to work in one of the administrative roles. judging by his frame, it was most likely not his original function, but truly, so long as it was all classed under "servitude", the functionist council wasn't all \that/ fussed about where low-caste mecha were employed. soundwave was just happy that he no longer had to interact with as many mecha as he did in his old job. he was content to file paperwork in his dingy little office, with only the company of his three beastformer cassettes.

as a cassette player, however, it was only natural that he still preferred to have some noise in the background. and so soundwave brought something to the mines that he probably wasn't allowed to have: music.

frenzy remembered the day he heard music, \pre-recorded/ music, for the first time in his life. so far, all he'd ever had were Tarnish mining songs and other north-hemisphere folk songs that the miners whistled from time to time. he and rumble were walking towards the dining area when they heard it, and when the two of them paused to listen to it better, a bunch of other mecha walking behind the two nearly tripped on them! but the miners didn't get mad, they noticed the music too, and then they all followed it. it came from soundwave's office.

the following day, there was music playing on the intercom system. it was risky, because they weren't technically allowed to get any entertainment, but soundwave made sure to cut it whenever any of the higher-ups dropped in. frenzy and rumble lived in silent admiration of the mysterious, reclusive mech for cycles. well. as silent as the two could be. which wasn't a lot. ravage noticed them following him pretty quickly.

through those series of events, megatron met soundwave, and began enlisting his help to sing the twins to sleep. and it worked! though soundwave was somewhat embarrassed at first, he had a really beautiful voice, even with the synthesizer. soundwave then started spending more time outside his office, making friends with some of the other miners, but more than that, he became closer and closer to megatron. the two established a sort of rapport, a comfortable intimacy. soundwave's quarters were a ways away from theirs. there had been a couple of times where frenzy would wake up and see megatron sprawled on the floor while soundwave was sleeping stiffly on the mech's berth. and there had been a couple of times after that where he woke up and saw them tangled up together. it made him wish that they had one really big berth, where he and rumble could squish themselves in the middle and they would be one big cuddly... family? was that the word? yeah... family.

blinking the fluid coming from under his optical band away, frenzy looked at the music box in megatron's hand and said, "thas' a really nice gift to give to the boss, chief. where'd ya find it?"

"actually, \impactor/ found it. you remember when they tried to transfer him to another mine a few cycles back?" megatron paused at frenzy's nod. "when he came back, he gave this to me. well, threw it at me is more accurate, i suppose. he told me that he spotted it in a pile of junk, and that it seemed like something my, and i quote, nerdy aft would enjoy working on."

frenzy tilted his head. "that was a while ago... how long did it take ya to fix it?"

"hmm.." megatron thought for a klik. "it took a long time. i can't say for sure. i had to fix the internal mechanisms too, you see. if you think the sound is faint now, well, it was a lot worse when i got it. and the only mech i could think of who'd most likely have the knowledge to help was the mech i was planning on giving it to!" megatron chuckled. "it took a lot of doing."

frenzy hummed. "so what's the occasion? is it..." he gasped. "is it the boss' creation day or something?! 'Cause if it is, me & rumble need to get somethin' too!"

megatron's engine rumbled in a laugh. "no, it isn't that. actually, i don't think even soundwave knows when his creation day is. this gift is... well..." He bit his lip.

"frenzy, what do you know of the conjunx ritus?"

the minibot's optical band flashed the brightest it has ever been. "you're gonna get hitched?!"

"i-well--" megatron fumbled over his words. "hopefully? if all goes well, that is--"

but there was no stopping frenzy from letting out a high-pitched squeal and running around the room, his plating rattling in excitement.

"Oh-my-primus-it's-happening-i'm-so-excited-i-can't-believe-this!"

Laughing, megatron reached out and grabbed frenzy by the scruff bar and set the bot down back on the berth. "Sweet Solus, child. I did not expect you to be as enthusiastic about this as you are."

"why wouldn't i be?" frenzy asked.

megatron hesitated. "it wouldn't be... weird?"

"well, the two a' you have been preeetty much conjunxed for a long time anyway."

"i--have we?" megatron seemed genuinely caught off guard.

frenzy looked at him as if he was an idiot. "yeah, duh. everyone can see it. pit, thas' probably why impactor gave you the box in the first place."

"...ah."

"anyway, i can't wait for the ceremony! oh, it's gonna be so good, there's gonna be so much oil cake--"

megatron squinted his optics and huffed a laugh. "did someone sneak in romantic comedies from Iacon or something?"

frenzy's faceplates flushed. "ehh, maybe? who's to say?"

"anyway," megatron said, shaking his head, "i doubt that we'll have as grand a reception as you're imagining. i mean..."

he looked back down at the music box. "my Act of Profference is just a piece of junk that i cleaned up somewhat. and i don't think either of us can afford more than one oil cake."

"ah. yes. things cost money." frenzy said, flopping down on the berth in defeat. "well, that doesn't mean that you can't do something! maybe if everyone pitches in--"

"perhaps. but frenzy, remember, soundwave is a very private mech. while it might be nice to celebrate and have a big party, we should consider how he feels about it first."

frenzy blinked. "oh. right, he's not good with crowds, is he? well..." the minibot trailed off, drawing patterns on the berth with a finger.

"maybe it can just be the seven of us, then. you, the boss, me n' rumble, rav and the condors. i think that'd be nice."

megatron smiled, and pulled frenzy up and onto his lap. "i think that would be nice too."

[batbetbitbotbut]

I was tagged by @akhuna!

1. Are you staying home from work/school? Yes - my university has shut down all in-person teaching. This came hot on the heels of a set of strikes by lecturers, so our contact hours were already reduced.  Disruption has been our  only norm since, like, November.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? One of my housemates remains, the other two have gone back to live with their families.  I made a careful choice to stay here, independent, and honestly I was looking forward to an empty house but I know there are reasons to be grateful for a housemate too.

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Alas no T_T

4. Who do you miss the most? Three dear friends of mine who live together just across town -- now I can’t see them, can’t visit, can’t hug.  I need to organise a voice call with them if they’re up for that.  Messages aren’t cutting it.

5. When was the last time you left your home?  I left last night to attempt some stargazing because the Lyrid meteor shower is on.  I sat at the edge of a field for about 30 minutes, staring at a patch of sky no different to any other.

6. What was the last thing you bought? I did a big grocery shop last week sometime. Most recent frivolous thing, I pre-ordered a folk dance tunes album from an amazing violinist I know; he was going to record this album slightly later in the year, but now that can’t happen and the money that would have gone to recording has to go to rent instead, so he’ll record it next year with the money from these very early preorders.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? I feel happy and relaxed, I wake up every morning feeling great... and throughout the day I fail to cope, over and over again, and anxiety builds. Then in the evening I can mostly let go of it and accept that today was a wash and I will try again tomorrow.  It’s not working.

8. Are you a homebody? I... don’t know? I have lots of home-based hobbies and I would gladly make a beautiful home and stay there (but it’s hard when just a student boucning around rental houses), but pre-pandemic I often went out dancing 4, 5, 6 nights a week!  It gave me tremendous energy.  I’m not going crazy because of being at home now but I am feeling understimulated.

9. What movies have you watched recently? The Descendants 2&3. @trueishcolours is to blame and it’s awesome.  Also, Kiki’s Delivery Service.

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? I was going to spend nearly a week in early April travelling and dancing, seeing friends and making connections and learning new things, in a different city every night.  For me, realising the virus was serious was the painful process of realising this trip shouldn’t happen (even before it couldn’t happen).

11. What’s the worst thing that you’ve had to cancel? I was supposed to get surgery this summer. I don’t think that’s going to happen.

12. What’s the best thing that you’ve had to cancel? I’m lucky in that generally I don’t have things on my schedule that I don’t want to be on my schedule (except for how my schedule is way too full!).  I’m unlucky in that this means none of the cancellations in my life were happy.

13. Do you have any new hobbies? No, I was already hobby-saturated!  I’m spending less time knitting because I don’t have the motivation or the timeslots like “sitting on a bus” or “listening to a lecture”.  I am playing much more folk music than I used to, partly thanks to a quarantine-motivated tune-of-the-week Facebook group, so that’s taking an existing hobby in a new direction.

14. What are you out of? Fresh fruit and veg.  The greengrocer’s is still open, I just don’t go there often and it’s hard to know my fruit and veg consumption in advance.

15. What music are you listening to? Most of the music I listen to right now is my own flute-playing at questionable levels of skill and other people’s Facebook folkie shenanigans.

16. What shows are you watching? None.

17. What are you reading? I have a stack of “quarantine reading” that I really want to read but I haven’t made much progress.  Nonfiction in progress: Quakers and Nazis because I felt curious about what a famously antifascist yet pacifist group actually did in Nazi Germany. Fiction in progress: Cart and Cwidder by Diana Wynne Jones.

18. What are you doing for self-care? Working hard to eat three meals a day. A friend messages me every morning to make sure I get up.

19. Are you exercising? I go for a walk every day or two, mostly to see flowers and animals (recent wins: chequered lillies, a mink, and two corncrakes!!!!!!). Today I’m going to try yoga, too.  Yoga and my brain have never gotten on well in the past but it’s worth a shot.

20. How’s your toilet paper supply? Going strong. One of my housemates stocked us up right before he went home permanently.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? It growwwwws.

I tag @trueishcolours, @scribefindegil, @stoneserafina, @adventures-in-asexuality. Let me know if you’d like to not be tagged in things in the future! I do these very very rarely.

[bluelovesstufff]

Favorite Bagginshield Fics I’ve Read/Currently Reading (in no particular order) Part 2/?:

It’s been a little over 6 months since I gushed Bagginshield fic rec and I decided a few weeks ago while reading my pile of bookmarks on AO3 that I need to post a new one. I have 33 fics below out of the 9,085 fics on Bagginshield’s AO3, so I’d recommend taking a look there as well for those I’ve missed. As always, buckle in boys. 

Part 1 Ask

^^ rating descends from G to E this time for organizational purposes! also, a lot of these are all complete because I have no patience and have to read an entire 100k fic in one sitting like a maniac.

** (to reiterate) are extra, extra favorites, but these are all absolutely incredible fics worth every second of your time.

Call You Home by northerntrash - 12k, rating: not rated, complete, hobbit culture, everyone lives nobody dies au, it’s all fluff folks, Thorin’s making puppy-eyes at the Burglar again, hobbits have a secret language (sign me up!)

Summary: In which the Company are entirely too nosy about matters that are supposed to be a secret, and Bilbo learns that being concerned about propriety is overrated when you could be making friends instead.

** Wasteful by northerntrash - 6k, rating: not rated, modern au, coffee shop au (squeeee), in which awkwardly staring does not make for good flirting, and you should probably just tell people when you are interested in them, fluff, author writes modern Thorin so goddamn well!

Summary: Bilbo just didn't understand; why would anyone come in every day, order cake, and then not eat it?

** Customary by an_odd_ducky - 3k, rating: G, fluff, hobbits rub noses as a greeting!, thorin is jealous!, Fili and Kili insist on learning!

Summary: Hobbits rub noses to greet each other - a fact the dwarves don't know until they arrive in Rivendell and Elrond greets a surprised Bilbo by rubbing their noses together. Some of the company find it quite amusing, but Thorin is less than pleased. Fluff! Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme.

** Para Bellum by RyuzzaKochou - 4k, rating: G, complete, basically hobbits are secret kung fu masters, company bonding, humor.

Summary: Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't. Has no one ever wondered about this? Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world. OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.

Silly Trinkets by The Feels Whale (miscellea) - 16k, rating: G, complete, fem!Bilbo, Thorin has no game, lies of omission, part of a two part series.

Summary: There are no words adequate to describe the Last Homely House or the wonders of Lord Elrond’s hospitality, which seems impossible to strain even under the burden of thirteen empty dwarfish stomachs and their even more trying attitudes.

Having played hostess to those same stomachs in her time, Briar is duly impressed and endeavors to add to the burden as little as possible. This is made somewhat more difficult by the fact that elves, apparently, are better able to differentiate between hobbit gentlemen and hobbit ladies that dwarves seem to be. A fact Briar learned when Lord Elrond pulled her to one side after their meal and put her into the hands of his daughter and her women with a gentle smile.

Briar feels that she probably owes him a swift kick in the shins for that.

You Got Me by drunkonwriting - 19k, rating: G, complete, dwarf culture & customs, everyone loves Bilbo and gives him shit, fluff, everybody lives nobody dies au.

Summary: The Company shows their affection for Bilbo in accordance with dwarvish tradition. Bilbo... has no idea why everyone keeps giving him gifts.

Comes Around Again by scarletjedi - 205k, rating: T, complete, a fandom favorite obviously, Gimli and Legolas are the main pairing, lovely art!, time travel fix-it, established relationship.

Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again a impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it.

** A Dragon’s Tale by vtforpedro - 132k, rating: T, complete, canon divergence au, dragon Bilbo, timeline? what timeline?, Bilbo is so Done (same), Thorin is an Idiot, emotionally constipated Thorin (my favorite, jk), everyone is dramatic, lore? what lore?, minor character death, minor war violence, minor ring influence.

Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one.

An Eye For Quality by Linelen (Linelenagain) - 85k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, au canon divergence, wonky timeline, family by choice, crazy courtship rituals (we love a good courtship).

Summary: Fíli lived his life by an old dwarven proverb: when a fool drops a treasure, a wise man picks it up (it sounded better in the original khuzdul).Bella Baggins never quite fit in the Shire. Perhaps she was made for the mountains, instead.

** A Shot in the Dark by Silver_pup - 213k, rating: T: complete, I read anything this author writes basically, time travel (I love this trope), fix-it fic, au, bamf!Bilbo, bamf!Dwarves, Bilbo is determined to save everyone, friends to lovers, eventual happy ending.

Summary:  When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in his old bed in his old home in his old body. Is this death? Or a trick of magic? Either way, Bilbo recognizes a second chance when he sees one, and this time his adventure with Thorin is going to go a bit differently.

** Flowers and Ice by BlackSmile - 54k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, frozen au (she has gloves, I repeat, Bella has to conceal don’t feel), some angst, author blames tumblr, no ring au.

Summary: Thorin wasn't really impressed with the idea to hire a burglar for their quest. He was even less impressed when he found out this burglar was a Hobbit. And all his hopes were lost when he found out their burglar was a woman. But still he can't help himself but to feel a bit attracted to this damned sweet Hobbit. Just why does she have to be so stubborn? And why does she wear gloves all the time anyway?

** Flowers of Yavanna by SOABA - 22k, rating: T, complete, overprotective dwarves, dwobbits!, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, magic, families of choice, assassination attempts, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, cabbage patch hobbits (yesss)

Summary: Because the belief that Hobbits grew their babies in a cabbage patch had to come from somewhere.“What’s on your wrist, Bella?” Tauriel asked from her place at the dining table when Bél walked past her, nodding toward Bella’s right side.

Bella frowned and looked down at her right hand and then her mouth fell open in shock. Printed on the inside of her wrist, directly underneath her palm, plain as daylight, was a circlet of lily-shaped blossoms connected by an emerald green vine.

lay down your sweet and weary head by Elenothar - 125k, rating: T, complete, very slow burn, more pining pre-slash actually, time travel (again, a gift to this fandom because BotFA broke all of us), fix it yet not really fix-it it’s complicated, durin family, thorin-centric.

Summary: Thorin dies. Thorin wakes up. He is understandably confused by this, especially since he appears to be in the Erebor he knew as a young dwarf, about to be attacked by a dragon.A time-travel fic with Thorin as the one living his life twice.

The Nine Lives of Bilbo Baggins by captain (theoddoodisnude) - 15k, rating: T, complete, community: hobbit_kink, AU (sort of), multiple temporary character deaths, slightly gory, descriptions of death and dying, THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING FOLKS.

Summary: He's not scared, but rather resigned. He doesn't want to die, not when he knows that it will be permanent, but he doesn't regret his actions. He's died many times on this journey; first for his Company, and then for people he could proudly call friends, who then turned into family.

And now Bilbo will die for them again.

For the first time in his life, he will also die for love.

Nugel (Flower of all Flowers) by aquileaofthelonelymountain - 2k, rating: T, complete, post BotFA, everybody lives nobody dies au, fluff, flower language.

Summary: Recently, Bilbo seems distracted, even unhappy. But what Thorin interprets as homesickness is something different. And although Bilbo knows very well why he feels so strangely out of place, he lacks the courage to tell Thorin. It's only good that even dwarves know a thing or two about flowers...

** A Passion for Mushrooms by Chrononautical - 90k, rating: T, complete, all the dwarves, dwarf culture and customs, cultural differences, gift giving, language of flowers, flower crowns, everyone lives nobody dies au, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, slow burn, need I say more folks?

Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject.

"Hobbits have a passion for mushrooms, surpassing even the greediest likings of Big People." - The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

** Plaits and Weaves by ArgentAconit - 53k, rating: T, complete, braids, hobbit culture, dwarf culture, fluff, listen Bilbo goes through most of the company and gives them each Hobbit worthy braids (??? that’s fucking adorable bro), grooming, cultural differences, Thorin is jealous (big surprise), sort of a fix it.

Summary: Bilbo misses home, he misses his armchair and his books, but right now he misses his kitchen the most. If only he had something to keep his hands busy, he wouldn't so dearly wish he could turn back and delay their quest even more.

Fili is the first to take notice how restless he is, and quickly comes up with a solution. Bilbo, of course, doesn't seem to understand what he is being asked and how it would affect the company over the course of their journey. Or how it would affect one Thorin Oakenshield.

Raven: An Unexpected Adventure by Aerlinniel722 - 165k, rating: T, 32/? chapters completed, fem!Bilbo, everyone lives nobody dies au, post BotFA, overprotective dwarves, family feels, there’s a MINI, female dwobbit Thorin and you expect me not to read it, as if, Bilba really struggles in this one folks.

Summary: After the Battle of Five Armies, Bilba Baggins fled Erebor and her new King in disgrace with a secret. Fifteen years later, when Dís swears she sees a hobbit who looked like her brother… well, perhaps a certain burglar isn't as dead as it was initially assumed.

** Recovery, Redemption, and Romance by Moonbeam - 118k, rating: T, complete, Bilbo is a surprise healer, injured Thorin, rebuilding Erebor, Bilbo is awesome, Thorin is smitten, Dwarves are amused and sneaky, gifts and courting, slow build. everyone lives nobody dies au, developing relationship.

Summary: When Thorin is injured in the Battle of the Five Armies, Bilbo surprises everyone with his healing abilities.

Then as Erebor starts to rebuild he continues to surprise people with his knowledge and skills. On top of everything else that is occurring there is a dwarf king and a hobbit who might be trying to court one another without the other knowing - while their companions are either helpful or confusingly gleeful.

An Unexpected Proposal by Earenial - 100k, rating: T, complete, romance, character study, oblivious!Bilbo, frustrated!Thorin, Kili is a flirt, Bilbo-centric, fic follows (most of) the canon events of the book ( = no hug on Carrock), slow Austen-type romance, slow burn.

Summary: As Bilbo sat smoking in his empty hobbit hole, he couldn’t help but wonder – when did his life become so boring? Or better yet – when did his old life stop being enough?

He suspected the answer to that question lay somewhere around the time when he had refused Thorin Oakenshield’s offer of marriage.

** Feathers that Flutter and Fly by orphan_account :( - 14k, rating: M, complete, wing!verse, Bilbo’s wings are beautiful and I’m in love with wing fics sue me.

Summary: The Shire is taken by Orcs, ravaged and destroyed but Bilbo, who is still very young, managed to escape. He runs, travelling through Middle Earth until he reaches Erebor, where Thorin finds him, cold and starving.

Good Morning by Luckyhai5 - 57k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, major character death warning, imprisonment, PTSD, it’s really a nice story I swear, it has a happy ending.

Summary: There was a strange, tall man walking up the path. Bilbo recognised him, of course; how could one forget that tall, grey silhouette now making its way up towards her? Gandalf.

AU. What if Bilbo had already left the Shire once before? What if she had seen things she could never forget, and lived through things she couldn't speak of? In this world, Bilbo has a secret, a secret waiting for her in Rivendell, a secret that has changed, and will change, everything...

A Home for my Heart by Moonrose91 - 54k, rating: M, complete, social isolation, character death, miscarriages, infant death, barrenness, body shaming, bullying, mention of mpreg, Erebor Never Fell au, smashing of timelines, canon what canon?, slow build.

Summary: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.

** Hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire by 61Below - 126k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, pregnancy!, language barriers!, cultural misunderstandings!, durin family feels, tbh if Dís is in it I’m in love, ALSO author pictured Bilbo as Margret Hale from North and South??? that’s beautiful.

Summary: Bilbo was banished. That's it, the end. She wants nothing more to do with dwarves. Now all she needs to do is get back home, but there may be some complications along the way.

** The Oak and The Ash by sunryder - 67k, rating: M, complete, timeline? what timeline?, au sentinels and guides, sentinel/guide bonding (I love this idea of sentinels and guides, it’s like soulmates but more intricate?? and better almost?? read it, it’s fantastic).

Summary: Bilbo Baggins was not a particularly talented Guide. He knew that. His family knew that. Every last Hobbit in the four Farthings and Bree knew that.

But that meant nothing when one morning an agony that wasn’t Bilbo’s ripped right through him, dropping him to his knees with a scream. Wrapped up in the pain there was a presence. Someone fierce and determined, nestling himself in the blank space in Bilbo’s mind for the barest of moments before he slipped away. It was like fingertips brushing across the outside fringe of his soul, and Bilbo wanted it back. Wanted him back.

And so help him, Bilbo was going to find him. His Sentinel.

Something Blue by Lapin - 34k, rating: M, complete, fake relationship (ayyyyyy) au canon divergence, politics, gardens & gardening.

Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.

** An Expected Journey by MarieJacquelyn - 295k, rating: E, complete, time travel, sex and violence, fix it, eventual happy ending, temporary character death, BotFA fix it, everybody lives nobody dies.

Summary: “I just wish…”

“What do you wish?”

“I wish I could have changed it all.”

For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right?

Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

** Durin’s League by hobbitgrl - 73k, rating: E, complete, superheroes/superpowers au, fem!Bilbo, angst, romance, all the dwarves all the things all the feelings.

Summary: When the mysterious Durin's League takes the national spotlight in the battle against the super-powered villains of the Smaug Corporation Bilbo Baggins doesn't think much of it. At least not until Thorin Oakenshield crashes through her living room wall and Gandalf tells her she's their only hope.

No Matter What We Breed by fideliant - 37k, rating: E, complete, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omegaverse, alpha Thorin, omega Bilbo, courtship, cultural differences, love at first sight, implied mpreg, a lot of sex folks, angst, attempted rape/non-con, Gandalf is a mega troll.

Summary: In a world where omega males are slightly less rare than Arkenstones, Thorin doesn't do himself much of a favour by falling in love with the first gentlehobbit he lays eyes on. Much more is expected of virile alpha male dwarves, after all, even more so for kings, but when Bilbo is revealed to be the first omega male in centuries, Erebor is suddenly not the only prize that Thorin has set his sights on winning.

** Office Hours by lilithiumwords - 9k, rating: E, complete, takes place after What Happens in Gondor, modern au, college/university au, Kili is a literature student and Bilbo is his professor and Thorin is a jerk (not really), smut, Thorin might be deranged, (I love the ending to this, read it).

Summary: When Professor Bilbo Baggins sent Kíli Vinson's paper home with a bad grade, he never imagined that his relaxing office hours would be interrupted by Kíli's terribly rude uncle.Whom, incidentally, Bilbo had met before and knew rather, er, intimately.

** The Riven Crown by The_Kingmaker - 254k, rating: E, complete, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, mutual pining, middle earth politics,  everyone lives nobody dies au, hurt/comfort, nightmare, alternating POV, slow burn.

Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’

The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.

Then there is the matter of the gold...

Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

Safe and Distant by Lindzzz - 45k, rating: E, complete, slow burn, everyone lives nobody dies au (everyone knows but bilbo), thorn is an idiot, post BotFA, cultural miscommunication, 50k sequel!

Summary: "Bilbo never bothers denying that he is a slight, little bit, probably infatuated with Thorin. It’s not something that bothers him. Really. He’s pretty sure that everyone very likely has a little flutter in their chest for the dwarf. He’s something grand and unattainable.And it’s really much safer if it stays that way."

** What Happens in Gondor by lilithiumwords - 15k, rating: E, complete, modern au, smut, one night stand, REINCARNATION, anyone?, Gandalf is a troll, Thorin and Bilbo are beans, so much sex, prequel to a 3 part series.

Summary: The one night stand that Bilbo will always regret leaving behind.

[syngigeim]

A Brief Pause

Today was a special day and a special day called for a special wine. Syngigeim reached for a fine vintage wine recommended by Shamani Lohmani. A deep red Limsan vintage, dated the year 1572 of the Sixth Astral Era. With a smile, Syngigeim uncorked the bottle, and filled her wine glass. Twas a rare day off for her and she was going to savor it with wine and a sappy romance novel. And thankfully, the skies were a bright blue, so she could enjoy herself out in the yard. Or maybe the beach. Syngigeim smiled and took a small sip from her wine. She smiled as she let the taste of the wine settle within her mouth.

Now to read this ridiculous novel. It was a tale of prince who fell in love with a roguish woman.  During a secret escape from his palace lifestyle, the two met. The innocent and kind-hearted Prince was about to accidentally anger the wrong person and thus did she save him and sweep him off his feet. Together, they saw the sights of the kingdom, saving each other and growing closer and closer until finally…

“I think I might love you Rina,” Alrick spat out. He was suddenly desperately hoping that the fire light would mask how red his face was becoming. But instead she seemed to be staring intently at him. Her face was a stone mask again, expressing nothing. Oh gods strike him for a fool!

But to fair Rina, her heart was in a storm of emotions. She wanted to sing that she loved him too with her heart and soul, but everything crashed on her at once. She was a mere thief. A bodyguard who could kill for him at best. How dare he, with all of his charms and goodness fall for her? He, who deserved a lady who would dance and glimmer, when she was just a grubby, no good, rotten rouge.

“You dare to love me?” She asked. Her hand flew at her mouth. She didn’t mean to say that!

Alrick was startled by this statement. “Of course I do! I- I love you!” He got up from his side of the fire and ran on over to her, deciding to hug her shoulders. “I love you. I love you.”

The mask cracked and Rina started crying in his arms. “But I- I’m just a rouge. A thief. I- I’ve killed to keep you safe. How dare you deem to love me?”

“I dare because I have seen you. Underneath all of your bluster, your snark, your stone exterior, lies a beautiful heart. It shines like the brightest gem in all of the kingdom. And besides, you know I have had to fend off those bandits alongside you. My hands are not clean either.”

She was crumbling. He was so warm and kind and she turned into his chest and was about to cry before he pulled her back, lifted her chin up with his fingers and kissed her.

He kissed her. He was kissing her. Rina wrapped her arms around Alrick’s neck and kissed him in turn. It was powerful, magical, their hearts were soaring into the night sky and they wanted this moment to never end.

Syngigeim smiled and wiped back the tears that were beginning to form. Oh it was so beautiful and so wonderful. And just on cue, the sound of fireworks reached her ears. Wait, it was evening already? She’d have to go inside if she wanted to read more soon. She couldn’t leave Rina and Alrick waiting! But maybe they’d wait a bit more, if that kiss could linger on. Syngigeim smiled at that thought.

So instead, she decided to watch the fireworks for a bit. The show was very much the same as with the Moonfire Faire but there was something about seeing the same show during the Rising that gave her a bit more of a pause. But of course, that was how she found Mariko again, admiring these same fireworks. Amazing how so many things have changed between those years. What would she be if she had not decided to search for him? Or...no there was never a choice to have had been made. She could not see how she would not have searched for him, they were friends for so long, and that was why she decided to become an adventurer.

But you could have just remained that. As soon as you found him, you could have settled back into your old life, she thought to herself. A simple quest to find someone, as realm spanning as it was, does not a Warrior of Light make. It doesn’t make you the woman who ended a Thousand-Year War, who liberated two nations, who is the lodestone for both the Scions of the Seventh Dawn and the Free Company, Wanderer’s League.

Was it simply how her adventuring ways took her? That she helped the helpless? Defended and gave her heart to protect those who needed her? Even when it was hard and dangerous and just kept hurting some days. You could have easily given up. You did nearly do so. Twice over. The first being after the Waking Sands massacre and the second, after those riots in Ul’dah after the refugee situation and how she was so powerless to even help and could only even hurt those she wanted so much to help.

Both times, he was there. Smug and self-assured but he was there. Alphinaud. And he had grown and changed into someone more caring. Someone who wasn’t going to let his friends stand alone. Someone who changed, because of her selflessness.

Now, he was not here. And on an impulsive decision. Oh why didn’t she go with him? Because they weren’t totally aware of why and how Zenos was somehow still alive? As if she didn’t ponder that as soon as she heard that something was going on with his grave?

A noise rang out from her linkpearl. “Hmm? Hello?” Nothing but a strange static greeted her. Syngigeim sighed and muttered “I believe in you Alphinaud.” Her last words to him. Knowing him, he was probably making friends and allies at this moment. The future was uncertain, and this worry would not be easily abated but she needed to believe in him. As he always did with her.

She suddenly thought of the book in her hands. Oh, Rina and Alrick have probably had a wonderful time waiting but it was time for them to see how their future would unfold.