#hard magic systems can stay!!! but their fans must be killed

[cpericardium]

The common complaint regarding "hard" magic systems is that they remove the ineffable element, that they turn magic into Just Advanced Technology. But I have zero issue with this.

What is a problem is that fans of "hard" magic systems are THEE most obnoxious human beings on the planet. There is no one more pedantic, more insistent on explaining minutiae, more intent on strangling any attempt at fun in the name of preserving the sanctity of a system someone else made up.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03, ep10 (part 1)

“ What to do? & how to do it? the answer & the method are so simple, so simple but difficult as hell. it was hard for me to get them, & that’s exactly why I treasure them/ makes them valuable”. kyo~ This is my favorite quote in all anime.

How many times a domestic abuse victim was told just leave this abusive partner? report them? easy. just make a call. Report your abusive parents? tell someone. easy. Just speak up. It is true. It is easy but difficult as hell. To believe it is your right to fight. No, to believe you deserve to fight. to Live. This abuse is not a punishment you must endure. Hope is not dead. How simple yet so difficult to do that. ugh! my heart!

- Seeing Death vs Facing Death: ( The abuser who was stopped):

Abuse is a form of slow death. An actual intentional murder of an innocent soul. Abusers suck the life out of their victims & kyo’s biological dad is the poster monster for that. His appearance:

thin deathly demeanor, lack of nourishment, excessive drinking, lack of desire get out of the abyss, wide eyes, tiny pupils, manic laughter. shaky body movement. pathetic outlook at things.

heavy breathing, lack of logic & distorted facts, blurry speech, bizarre mentality, toxic behavior, tendency to hurt, injure, both physically & verbally.

inability to grasp reality, desire for inflecting pain on others, finding joy in that as it justifies his entire toxic mentality.

Fear of being hurt like he hurt others & being paranoid since he KNOWS he should receive punishment.

Kyo stood watching this man spit, rage, shake, scream. The man from his past, the authoritative figure in his early tender years, the person who must always be right: a parent. Facing his dad, Kyo’s entire gradual change was fantastic:

Kyo went from feeling utter fear from this man, hatred towards him, grief at the loss of a father & a mother, to force himself to stand his ground & not leave” easy but difficult as hell“ , to talk ” easy but difficult as hell“ , to announce that isnt gonna die ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say I’m loved & I want to to be with someone ” easy but difficult as hell”

to then realize the source of his mom’s misery isnt him after all, but this jerk! & not crumble at this realization ” easy but difficult as hell“ to grief over his mom’s tragic life & still announce again that he’s anit throwing his life away ” easy but difficult as hell“ to still look at his dad with pity rather than immense hate & anger ” easy but difficult as hell“ to remove his hand & leave him behind in the past while he moves forward ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say “ i’ll come visit again, cuz I anit afraid of you anymore, I’m not running, but I’ll try to extend a hand if you wanna do the same one day. It is your choice to be the abuser who must be stopped or the one who is atoned! you can choose, dad! We heard his choice as kyo was leaving, didn’t we? locking himself in an eternal cage that he made for himself. After all, he is the monster in his own story by his own choice.

-Seeing death (1): Kyo watching his mom’s suicide is a traumatic experience especially considering she chose such a graphic way to exist this world. Kyo once said to tohru “ mom went flying”, he now said“ mom threw her life away” very graphic ways to explain her death both literally & figuratively. This alone coupled with his father accusing him, resulted in a 4 year old screaming” I’mma yuki & kill myself, this would make you happy, dad”. This explains kyo’s 2 meetings with yuki as kids“ I hate you” at the sohma estate, the 2nd meeting “ I hate you” at the street. Mimicking the toxic behavior of the dad. Why didn’t kyo mimic kazuma? cuz trauma doesn't work like that. Kids can live safely for time then one traumatic experience shatter their self-worth into an endless cycle of self-hurt, low self worth & anger issues or withdrawal. The writing that set kyo/yuki against each other is perfect.

-Seeing death (2): Kyo watching kyoko’s death hammers all the insecurities of child kyo deep down into teenage kyo. Kyoko too, went flying, blood everywhere. too much pain happening again, crashing hope & killing his fighting spirit over & over. Be with tohru? why? to kill her, too?

-Seeing death (3): Kyo watching tohru’s injured body. Yup. You caused this. not by pushing her or failing to catch her. No. but by hurting her with harsh words. by forcing her away from you.

-Facing death (1): Kyo facing his dad, the symbol of deadly-abuse. To stand & announce to live is huge. -Facing death (2): refuse death: being caged till death, -Facing death (3): To say, I wanna be loved & love someone, life is not just being outside, heck! kyo was outside for 17 years! life is abt being with those who give it meaning! -Facing death (4): To not demand others to die as a punishment. Walking away from his dad without igniting the cycle of revenge & hate. ahhhhhhhhhh~~~  Chef’s kiss!

-Seeing eye to eye: ( I don’t need to be you, but I appreciate you):

Kyo & yuki toxic relationship has been ongoing since their birth. The moment kyo’s dad was dismayed that he got the cat of all zodiac & the moment yuki’s mom was delighted she got the rat of all zodiacs. From that moment it became: look how lucky the rat parents? You shamed me? Look how pitiful that cat? eww! stay away from his filth. The explosive nature of kyo’s tragic fate tainted him with the blood of his mom & the daggers of his father’s hateful words, while the nature of yuki’s sheltered & locked fate tainted him with fear & isolation. They meet & both carry out the feelings of rejection & hate all while envying the other. The toxic nature of their relationship consist of fights & condensing words. Tohru connected both. Through her, they became civil. Even talking abt perverted shigure. Now that she is hurt, they are lost without her. Their lives are empty.

Yuki’s “ kyo has his own pain & reasons”  (to not see tohru) is my fave line! even better than all the epic lines after they confess their feelings. cuz this like happened before they connect. it shows that, I see his pain, I get he has his reasons. But whatever issues he have shouldn’t hurt tohru. this is when yuki interferes in kyo’s choices. For tohru. This is also when kyo really allows him to. For tohru. Had tohru nor be part of the fight, kyo wouldn’t even engage in it & yuki wouldn’t initiate it.

-“I wanted to be you!” : Kyo said it first. I loved this so much! Cuz kyo said I hate you first! it is so fulfilling that the truth is now out. From kyo first. Cuz really... that hate was all toxic inheritance from a toxic father & a toxic system.

- “Why do you have to say it firs!” Yuki was mad, cuz he was struggling with it for the longest time. to be kyo. He even mused on how kyo interacted with ppl in school, got himself his own mini kyo. lol. studied how kyo filled tohru’s world just by existing. yuki can't do that for tohru. he looked for someone whom he could do that for! yuki/machi scene at her house paralleled kyo/tohru scene at her room when she was sick (se01, e023) & when they eating the somen together (se02, e02), yuki/machi chalk scene paralleled kyo/tohru scene at the beach where he coaxed tohru to tell her mom’s story (se02, e07). Yuki really was having a hard time finding his true self & accepting it without needing to learn from kyo. It is hard to say “ i admired you” after being rejected by you! so kyo saying it first helped yuki say his after. Also, both boys were hella shocked they admire each other. Like both were deeply shocked! stupid boys! XD

Side Notes:

Kyo’s confrontation with his dad is furuba’s most powerful scene & most well-written one! From the fear of facing him, to talking to him with low voice, to physically stopping him, to the exposed last piece of locked memory abt the mother, to the freedom gained by walking forward! Heck, even how it was weaved psychologically to perfectly mimic children’s self-defense mechanisms & children copying their parents theme. The realistic depiction of abusers both in their most powerfully menacing moment & in their weakest cowardly moment. Top-tier writing! Hands down my fave furuba scene! Can’t ask for better! Can’t even imagine better! genius- writing Takaya-san!

The boys had a necessary fight & confrontation & the yuki’s entire speech was valid & perfect speech. However, as usual, I’m not a fan of how violence is depicted in furuba. I was actually “warned/ ordered” by an anon to not “ sh*t” on the boys fight scene. I don’t know why someone who’d read my reviews would think i’d have anything but love for both boys. I criticize the writing not the characters. Also, furuba fans have always been good to me, I state my opinion frankly & they talk to me! “ talk!”. You don’t have to throw virtual fists over different perspectives on fiction. Talking kindly does magic, also having different opinions is natural & normal for humans.

I love yuki so much, he’s one of my top faves in furuba & I get why the boys would quarrel & throw fists. I get the history between them, the current state of mind, their emotions & mentality & I get it’s fiction & drama that needs its “ OMG” moment. However, I cringe when I see violence used as a bonding moment in fiction in general. That’s just me. I wish the fight was done in a more artistic style without showing that scene where yuki corned kyo & punched him in full view of the screen. (again not hating on yuki nor the fact that they needed to fight). I’m jus saying I didn't need to see a one-sided beat up from a character I love to another one I love. That’s just me again~ feel free to enjoy this moment to its fullest. It’s fiction & I’m not judging anyone at all, nor hating anyone from real life or fiction <3<3<3.

Yuki’s last piece of character development is in my part 2 review! Along with machi. Also, yuki’s Japanese VA was awesome!!

Also, let yuki have deep various facial expressions!!!! ugh! In the fight scene they did yuki so dirty with his hair covering his eyes all the time! then followed by low quality shots of him breathing! Why?! The voice acting sold the entire excellent emotional rage more than the animation! Yuki can look pretty even when mad, heck! screw looking pretty! just give him deep facial expressions to mach his feelings! boy was hella mad like he never was his entire life! always forced to wear a mask or be diplomatic! now he’s screaming his lungs out, you hide his face??? really?? Sigh~ the anime always do this wit yuki, replace facial expressions with hair on eyes or having his eyes without light. I wanna see them expressive eyebrows so bad!!!

Another powerful VA performance was both kyo’s dad VAs! both the Japanese (with his excessive breathing) & the English VA (with his range). They sold the mad abusive character! they gave me chills!

Also, I sound like a broken record, but kyo’s both VAs did phenomenon in the dad’s scene & tohru’s scene. Honestly, I only watch the dub to hear Jerry! I learned his name & would watch the dub for him!

Akito, Arisa, Kureno in part 2 of my review as well.

Shigure/yuki returning home scene is call back to ep1. Ok, everybody loves a call back scene & the full circle thingy. but C’mon! you dont have to copy everything! the walk, the scenery, its purpose, dialogue & all! The anime really took advantage of kyo being missing. XD

Tohru’s dress/top color matches the color of kyo’s old hat (The hat). symbolic of him finding her? As if he did find her when they were children? cool. I love this detail. But i do NOT love this color on tohru at all !! lol. it is so dull on her. The dress style/ design mimics her same dress in se01, ep26 as she was talking to kazuma & kyo fought him. Their first intimate moment after nearly loosing the other. Heck! tohru was even hurt on her hand as well. but the color was a nice pastel yellow. It suited tohru. The hat’s bluish-greenish color matches tohru’s own pajama at home!!!! & kureno’s hospital pajama! T_T... why couldn't the hat be red!!!! a color that both represent kyo & yuki! both were compared to red before~ oh well~~ minor issue~

[anxiousdepressedintrovert]

Otome Thursday

IT’S BRAM!!!!

Y’all, you have no idea how excited I was for this route/series to start. I wasn’t a big fan of Ravi.

ANYWAY

Bram Route

Episode 1 (The free one 😉)

-I really dig the beginning of the route.

-Like a land hidden from even the Elves? Nice

-Also also, I like that this series, Love and Legends, AND Reigning Passions all take place in the same universe and it makes sense. Unlike the more modern series where the crew just sticks characters in the stories to say “Hey, look, notice these characters”

-Sorry. I’m ranting

-Focusing now

-I named my MC Mari Rya

-She’s beautiful

-She’s got a little, sprite/fairy/thing named Ness

-I love them

-I only know the name of the new land because I played the Ravi short but it’s called Tallav

-Mari’s got a reputation as a researcher.

-But this is also a lifelong dream of hers.

-Ness doesn’t speak (what I’m going to call) English, but Mari understands her anyway

-Ness uses They/Them pronouns. RESPECT IT

-Magic time!

-Ness magic time!

-Mari can feel all the living things. I feel like that’s not a human thing.

-But I will reserve judgement

-She’s had a rune stone since she was a baby. Yeah, she’s def not human.

-Holy shit a bear!

-…with a shield and a spear on it’s back.

-Subtle

-The way these sprites move are fucking hilarious

-Mari said “Nope not today”

-Can’t out run a bear. What does this bitch do?

-Drop down to play dead. Cause that’s totally gonna stop a bear from chewing on your spleen

-the “bear” is able to turn her over to her back (duh)

-it turns into a man and…oh what a man

-this CG is so fucking cute!

-he’s like “Is she alive?”

-She’s like “the fuck is he doing?”

-I’m like “Squeeeee they’re both so stupid rn”

-Oh those eyes…

-I haven’t been this in love since Razi. Or Renzei.

-Oh no! headbutt. Gives me a headache just reading it.

-Fuck look at those abs.

-LVS really knows what they’re doing with these character designs

-And Mari’s being thirsty too. It’s not just me

-Whew chile, the way she describes this man. Girl,

-Thank you, Ness, someone has their head on properly

-Never mind. They’re just as thirsty

-I still wanna know how Mari can talk to them

-He knows she’s a human cause she’s wearing clothes. Good lord this series is gonna be a riot in the first couple seasons

-Oh Mari…you’re sounding very Colonizerish

-I don’t like that

-Though it is kinda cute how she nerds out

-I can see her doing this with any thing she comes across.

-Thank you, Ness. Time and Place Mari!

-Invasive is one word for it

-Not much to write.

-She’s gushing. He’s listening. They’re both hot

-oh no, not an eyebrow lift!

-from both of them!

-I can’t do this.

-This bitch just walks away from a question ‘cause she got caught staring!

-I can’t! This is me. Running away from all my problems

-Bram follows cause, y’know, stranger in the woods

-Bram likes Ness. It’s adorable

-Anthropologist=Skald? Maybe.

-Apparently rune reading is impossible, so is befriending a Puck (Ness)

-Mari is def not a human. At least not fully

-See, I feel like if she showed Bram the rune stone she carried with her, that would help bridge this gap.

-But y’know. Whatever.

-Oh they are two bull-headed people

-He’s got (understandable) prejudices against humans/bipeds

-She’s like “MY RESEARCH”

-I’m like “Girl, they’re living people. Respect their boundaries. And Dude, Learn a little”

- She’s very forceful with the fact that she ‘needs to do her research’

-It’s very Colonizerish and I don’t approve.

-Mari, You can’t prove that the Duke who hired you only wanted you to do pure research.

-Ha, Bram called her pretty

-Ohhh Mahuwin Villiage

-Cue Victor from Underworld: “YOU MUST BE JUDGED!!”

-damn he called her insidious

-Mari…honey. Going to a village, you’ll get to see how they live and see how the justice system works. Calm down.

-Of course, no one’s ever been so unwelcoming. You’ve been dealing with other humans and elves.

-Girl!

-I’m judging you so hard rn

-Whew chile that took a lot outta me

Episode 2

-Awww I do feel bad for Ness tho

-They’re scared too

-Bruh, Bram JUST said he doesn’t know what an anthropologist is. You barely related it to a Skald. Showing him your notes means nothing.

-Bram, dude, I get you’re supposed to protect but you’re seeing enemies in the wrong people. Though I get why you’d suspect her.

-The Dinae have no secrets between their tribes (I’m assuming) so there’d be no need for an anthropologist to go looking for old history.

-Also he called her cute (again)

-Ohkay. I draw the line at you accusing Mari of torturing Ness.

-Only a heartless monster would lay hands on Ness.

-I need you to think baby: WHYY WOULD NESS STAY? If Pucks are magical creatures, surely you don’t think that Ness would be foolish enough to stay with a powerless human.

-Oh. Don’t make me insult your intelligence

-Oh don’t make me

-Mari. Don’t do anything stupid. Please. He’s actually being nice. In a weird way. Taking you to be judged. Someone else would’ve just killed you

-Mari…you can’t do your job in someone else’s country without permission. To get permission, you need to go to a village.

-I’m starting to question your intelligence

-Oh good. The bull-headedness is back

-No shit it’s more than just a job! I think you would have gathered that from the fact that to enter Tallav you had to pass a BEAR statue

-Oh no not the sad face

-I know LVS is gonna use that face to get money out of me in future scenes

-Mari, you’re both stubborn. And if I had it my way, you’d’ve gone with him already

-MARI! HE’S NOT A SOLDIER!

-ARUGH

- Not the type of roleplay I thought I’d be reading in this story but sure. Have some hearts

-I wanna smack her so bad and the first season’s not over yet.

-Usually the urge to smack doesn’t kick in until at least season 2.

-She’s a record setter

-Uh oh Bram, you called her an interrogator.

-And he STILL doesn’t fix it!

-They’re both so rude

-Ok, so he gets the why.

-We’re making progress

-This woman can’t let her thirst rest for five minutes.

-I mean same but come on

-Ah! Progress on both sides!

-Still don’t like how forceful Mari is about her job. How would she feel if her job put people in danger?

-You kinda did Mari. You kinda did say “I’m going to do what I want anyway”

-Not in those exact words but enough

-My point!

Bram: You ever think that if we wanted to be bothered by any kingdoms, we would have officially contacted them

That’s my point

At the same time, Bram and his fellow Dinae have their fellow prejudice against bipeds. As I said, mostly justified but they act that they can’t adapt or change

-Mari, interest isn’t always flattering…we aren’t in high school

-Now she’s running away. From a guy that can turn into a bear

-I’m very much questioning her intelligence now.

-Cause she dumb dumb.

-And thus begins an infuriating game of human and bear

-Oh yeah Mari, cause you can totally break the hold of a guy WHO CAN TURN INTO A BEAR

-As Mari is kicking and screaming, Bram: Am I hurting you?

-LMFAOOOO

-Awww Ness trying to help.

-Bitch. He puts you down and you climb a tree. Like bears don’t climb trees?

-Thank you Ness for talking some sense into this stupid girl

-Why is she so defensive?!

-Why can’t they just give me the option of “Fine.” FOR ONCE

-Seriously Mari? If you had stumbled upon a village during your wandering that really HATED humans, the chances of them killing you are SUPER fucking high. Doing it this way is arguably a lot safer

-YO  WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!

-That looked like a swamp deer  monster from It Lives Beneath

-FUCK THAT

-RUN BITCH…FUCKING RUUUNNNN

-Why is run never an option when we are clearly outmatched?

-Oh god why does it have to look at the screen!!!

-I don’t like that

-and ewwwww they did detail on the muscles

-Yeah no shit it’s targeting Mari, Bram!

-I think that’s pretty obvious!

-Thank again Ness for saving One Stupid Bitch

-We…we get to RIDE Bram?

-I can (and will) make so many jokes about that

-I’ve already restrained myself from making Bear jokes. So, you’ll deal with that

Episode 3

-Hehehehehehehhehe

-We rode him

-Hopefully this won’t be last time

-and the next time won’t be in bear form

-Ohkay. I’m back. The chapter’s loaded

-Wait one more

-And we can use that rope for something else too

-Idk how to do the lenny face so……just imagine it

-Ok. NOW I’m done.

-Finally, a decent option. THANK YOU, BRAM

-Yeah Mari get that through your thick fucking skull. He’s a defender. He defends.

-Awwww Bram isn’t comfortable with praise. I’m gonna take every opportunity to do it now

-Mari, this is why we don’t talk shit up.

-Hehe still riding him

-Ewww that thing is back.

-Plus side?

-FIGHT SCENE

-Oh nooooo Bram’s hurt

-MARI CONTROL YOUR THIRST THE MAN IS INJURED

-Thank you, Ness! I swear they’re the only character I haven’t been pissed at

-Mari begins to nerd out over plants. Honestly same

-OMG HIS BLUSH

-GUYS. HIS BLUSH

-The stuff of nightmares was an Abberation. I like my name better so it and all its freaky brethren will be called The Stuff of Nightmares

-And Bram’s back to being suspicious. Sigh. And we were having such a nice time

-The Dinae don’t have pets and that’s the saddest thing I’ve read all day.

-Mari just realized that Bram’s been naked this entire time.

-Lol

-Oh so, if Bram trusted Mari, he’d happily tell her everything she wanted to know.

-Hmmmmmm

-I certainly can’t say no to that face. So neither can you Mari. Here. Have some hearts

-See, they say fur covered thigh, all I hear is, cuddling for the winter.

-OMG SHE COULD SQUISH HIS PAW BEANS

-IF SHE DOESN’T SQUISH HIS PAW BEANS WE’RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM

-Mari stahp being so thirsty. There’s a stream next to you. Go dunk your head.

-Ness is adorable and I want a plushie of them

-Oh NOQOOOWW she has a problem with riding him

-…Ok, I mean…her explanation makes sense.

-See, every Dinae does it!

-Bram is so tired of her. It’s so funny

-WAIT. THERE’S WOLVERINES

-….is one’s name Logan?

-I’ll leave now

-I’m so glad they’re starting to understand each other more. Cause I was ready to jump through my phone screen.

-Things are still tense, of course.

-Wait a fucking minute. Going through a patch of brambles saved you a fucking DAY of travel? WTF

-I’m very interested in seeing how this plays out as opposed to Ravi’s route.

-Let’s meet Chieftain Mael!!

[dailytomlinson]

“I probably shouldn’t be talking about this but f*** it,” he tells me now. “My point is, I clearly wasn’t in the best frame of mind, you know? And the situation definitely got out of hand and people were goading me. It wasn’t my finest hour but it was a difficult time. I was already on edge and, in that headspace, it got the better of me.”

By “that headspace”, Tomlinson means that he was grieving. The airport incident took place a few months after his mother Johannah’s death from leukaemia at 43. (In March last year, his 18-year-old sister, Félicité, died from an accidental overdose. Quite reasonably, I’ve been asked not to bring this up.) Tomlinson, who is now 28, says his experiences of grief in the public eye have been “really tough. There have been mixed emotions. I’ve hated the fact that everyone’s talking about it, but that’s the way it is. I didn’t like the idea of people feeling sorry for me. But I’ve also felt the support from fans and people reaching out on social media or whatever… and I do feel I’ve got this ability to see the glass as half full. Because what else am I going to f***ing do?”

I meet Tomlinson in an upstairs room of a pub in a residential corner of London’s Notting Hill. He is dressed in jeans, a red tracksuit top and trainers. The only visible evidence of his previous life in One Direction, the biggest boyband in pop history, is his hair, which is artfully swept sideways as if he’s standing in a wind tunnel. An old hand at winning over interviewers, he greets me with a hug before sitting down, leaning back and putting his feet up.

Tomlinson is on the promotional trail for his debut album, Walls, which has been four years on the making. It includes “Two of Us”, a ballad which lays bare Tomlinson’s loss (“You’ll never know how much I miss you/ The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead”). In a change of mood, it also contains the Britpop-flavoured “Kill My Mind”, a throwback to his mid-teens and the indie night he’d go to with his friends in his native Doncaster.

Tomlinson grew up listening to Oasis and Arctic Monkeys, though right now he can’t get enough of Catfish and the Bottlemen: “I like anything with big guitars and a big chorus.” He reckons “Kill My Mind” will struggle to get on the radio but he doesn’t care since, musically, “I’ve often been swimming against the tide.”

He puts the album’s long gestation down to creative insecurity. “A good two years [was spent] treading water and trying to work out exactly what my sound was, and what I was capable of.” Clearly, One Direction, who sold 50 million albums, are a tough act to follow, though Tomlinson has also had to contend with his former colleagues putting out solo work before him (Harry Styles is already on his second LP, while Zayn Malik, Niall Horan and Liam Payne have all released debuts). But he rejects the suggestion that they are all in competition, remarking, “I don’t like to look at it that way.”

I ask if he and his ex-bandmates have a WhatsApp group. They don’t, he replies, “and we should, but we’ve never got around to it”. But he says they are frequently in touch, which must be something people ask a lot since, entirely unbidden, he gives me a breakdown of their recent activities. Let the record show that he spoke to Liam two days ago; he and Niall exchanged texts a fortnight ago; and Harry sent him a congratulatory message when he released his last single. There is no mention of Zayn.

Tomlinson says the face he presents to the public and journalists these days is fully unfiltered, a change from his One Direction days when he had to be careful not to cause inadvertent upset within the band or with fans. “No one was saying ‘Don’t do that’, but there was the [pressure] of being role models. So it took a second to understand that [as a solo artist] I could get away with completely being myself, even though I can sometimes be a bit of a dickhead.”

In fact, there are two Tomlinsons that emerge throughout our chat. There’s boyband Louis, full of sweet but bland blather about self-expression, his gratitude to fans, and the luck that he’s enjoyed as an artist. But another version of him frequently comes through who is funny, sweary and thoughtful about his decade in the limelight.

Tomlinson has had four years to digest his time in One Direction which I note, from the outside, looked a bit like being held hostage. But even with the fan fervour, the police escorts and the nonstop media glare, he says he wouldn’t change anything. “We were always in control of our destiny,” he explains. “We rose to fame pretty quick and, because of that, we had some power and some say within the record label and with management.” The sheer pace and drama of their day-to-day existence was, he says, “like a drug. It’s that feeling of heightened emotion and every day being manically busy, and the hysteria. Although you might complain about it, none of us said, ‘No we don’t wanna do that.’ We were just in it. We were f***ing loving it.”

Still, he says, the initial 18 months were hard as he struggled to see his value within the band. “I would wonder, ‘What difference would it make if I was there or if I wasn’t?’ Under the spotlight that was difficult, but that’s what gave me the fire in the belly to get right into it.” It was through songwriting that he found his place and his confidence – he has writing credits on 37 One Direction songs, more than anyone else in the band. “That’s something I’m really f***ing proud of,” he says. “Now I can say I made a difference.”

The end of One Direction was a shock to Tomlinson, even though he knew it was coming. “We’d done such a lot of work in a short space of time so a break was inevitable. But I don’t think I was necessarily ready for how long. We had a band meeting and everyone just said, ‘Maybe we’ll put it on the back burner for a bit,’ and I felt a bit petulant about that at the time. It actually hit me like a ton of bricks.” Now the band are officially on hiatus – “even though that’s a stupid f***ing word”, he says. “Truthfully, none of us truly know [if we’ll reform]. I just know what my gut says and my gut says we will get back together at some point. I think it was too magical for all of us to never do it again.”

The eldest of seven siblings, as a child Tomlinson says he was “well-mannered but a bit of a show-off. I was a lot cockier than I am now. Being in One Direction made me realise I’m not always the coolest kid in the room”.

He wasn’t good academically at school but enjoyed performing and, for a while, toyed with being an actor. Before auditioning on The X Factor, he did a string of jobs at weekends and in school holidays for some extra cash. One summer was spent as a waiter at his beloved football club, Doncaster Rovers. Another yielded a stint at a well-known cinema chain dispensing popcorn. There, he tells me unexpectedly, he was earning “an extra wage”. An extra wage? “As in taking a few quid from the till,” he says with a grin. “It all started because there was a McDonald’s over the road and I wanted money for my lunch.” His trick was to hand customers two boxes of popcorn but only put one through the system and put the money for the second in his pocket. “I didn’t want to short-change the customer,” he explains. “I’d take from the company. I’m a man of the people.”

It was his mum’s idea for him to try out for The X Factor, though it took three attempts to get through to the televised auditions. He says the experience of going on stage in front of the live audience, under the glare of the lights and with four famous judges looking back at him, remains the most terrifying of his life.

We talk for a bit about Tomlinson’s return to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge alongside Simon Cowell plus Robbie Williams and his wife Ayda Field. He asks what I made of the show so I decide to be honest and tell him that I thought the whole thing looked tired and Cowell appeared bored out of his mind. “Well I couldn’t possibly comment on [Cowell],” says Tomlinson, good-naturedly, “though I actually loved it. But yeah, I feel that, as a show, it needs a rest. There’s a place for a show like it and I’ve got my career to thank for it, but we’ve had a lot of it, so let’s just let it rest and make people want it again.”

Life has slowed down since the madness of One Direction but he still can’t find the time to read a book or watch a box set. Where, in his pre-fame days, he struggled to hold down a job, now he’s happiest when he’s busy. Should the singing career stall, he would like to run his own management company. Five years ago, he launched a record label, an imprint on Cowell’s Syco label, but life got in the way and his plans to create a girl band fell at the first hurdle. Originally he had gathered a list of 20 acts that he was keen to sign, and points out that “like, four or five of them are signed [elsewhere] now… I think I have an instinct for these things”.

I ask, rather unfairly, if the solo career of a former boyband member is ultimately a doomed endeavour – for every Robbie Williams, there’s a Howard, Jason and Mark whose careers sink without trace. For a moment Tomlinson looks stumped but then he prevaricates like a pro. “Of course, there are days where I might have unreal expectations and when I have to tell myself to stay grounded,” he says. “But I had a breakthrough moment last year about what success really means and I think I can look at it for what it is now. I have to look at how happy I am and remember that I’m lucky to be doing what I’m doing.”

[maple-writes]

Dissidia Week 3

Is it really the end of week three already? Time seems to be going so fast! @dissidia-writeblr Sitara was really fun!

###

The balcony door led to a short hallway, or maybe a lobby that ended in a long receptionist-looking desk. Few people milled about, but the space was far from empty. More of those little robots from outside whirred around the high ceilings with little messages and packages in their grasp. Volt’s footsteps echoed softly against the hard walls, Richard’s softer at her shoulder. He seemed to look everywhere but straight ahead, attention drawn by anything that moved. The sensitive antenna by his ears quivered and flexed as he probably picked up sounds she had no chance of hearing herself. Despite the ever present nerves bundled tight in her chest, Volt’s shoulders relaxed. If there were to be any surprises it was highly unlikely they would get past Richard undetected. Even if his infrared systems were broken and his zoom-lens eye had busted years ago, she could always count on him to pick up on hidden dangers.

She stopped in front of the desk, and matched the smile of the man behind it. “Hello, we’re looking for someone called Sitara? Will and Zero sent us.”

“Oh, she should be in the workshop right now.” The receptionist stood up from his chair and pointed down a smaller side hallway. “Just head down the hall there and it’ll be the door all the way at the other end.”

Volt thanked him and led the way down the smaller hallway. It was quieter than the main lobby and quickly the whirring and activity faded behind them. Doors marked with numbers and the occasional name card lined the hall but no one came in or out. From all she could tell it was just her and Richard.

She glanced up at him. “What do you think so far?”

Richard shrugged. “I don’t know. Everything seems normal.”

That sounded good. Volt took a deep breath and let more of the tension slip from her body. Everything was already going better than she’d worried it would. They’d got this far into the building without anyone trying to grab them at the very least.

They reached the end of the hall and paused in front of the workshop door. It looked just like every other door in the hall, plain with a simple handle. Volt took one last moment to calm her nerves, turned the handle and pulled the door open.

The space inside the workshop was cluttered, and filled with half finished machines and projects laid out across workbenches and between equipment racks. Volt couldn’t help but stare as she slipped into the room. Most of them were nothing like she’d ever seen before, but some of them she could kind of make out parts and guess at their functions. The familiar constant humming of ventilation fans buzzed through the air and straight into the back of her head. Towards the other end of the workshop metal clanged against metal and something shuffled against the industrial floor.

She rounded one of the workbenches piled high with parts and stopped when she found the source of the sound. A teenaged girl popped her head up from where she worked on one of the more unfamiliar machines. She grinned when she saw her and Richard, set her tools down on the bench beside her and jogged across the workshop.

“Hello! My name is Sitara! It’s so nice to meet you! You must be so confused. Come, sit down!”

Sitara gestured towards a cozy little corner of the workshop. Two couches piled with more tools and parts faced each other over a simple coffee table, and a counter with a sink, coffee maker, kettle and microwave lined the back wall with shelves built in underneath. Sitara hastily shoved the clutter to the ends of the couches before taking a seat down on one with a nod to the other. Volt and Richard settled in on the couch across from her, sinking into the worn fabric and almost overly plush cushioning. It was a nice set up, Volt had to admit, though Richard still seemed uncertain. He sat up straight on the edge of the couch, eye wandering over the tables of machines throughout the workshop.

Sitara sunk back, resting against the back of the couch. “This world has experienced calamity. A while ago, magic went out of control in this world and consumed some people. These beings prey on humans, and other people randomly get consumed by the magic too. Because of this, someone found an old spell that summons people from other worlds to stay for a few weeks before they are taken back.”

Magic? Volt frowned. If what she was saying was true, they were farther from home that she’d thought. Much farther. If it was only a few weeks though, and she was still being truthful, maybe it wasn’t so bad. Far from the disaster she was starting to think being here would entail.

“We have been trying to find ways to turn these beings back or kill them.” Sitara continued. “But now, a leader of Ritania, a big city on another continent, has declared that anyone who is being taken by the beings needs to be killed, which we think is too much. Torr is planning on starting a war with Ritania, which is also too much.” She paused with a exasperated sigh. “I don’t want anything to do with that, so I’ll make sure you are not used. I just would like to study your technology to see if I can make something to help fight against the beings, if that would be okay”

Richard stiffened as all eyes rested on him. He didn’t say anything right away, staring at Sitara alone as he nervously trailed the points of his claws against the seams of his pants, snagging threads and catching folds.

“You,” Richard kept his voice soft but a hint of the sharpness he usually tried so hard to hide lined the edge of his words. “You want to study me?”

Sitara nodded. “Yes if I can.”

Volt glanced at the girl, then rested her eyes back on Richard. So it seemed that someone recognized that Richard was something they could use, even if perhaps they didn’t know the extent of what he was capable of. She had no idea whether or not he’d be any help against beings controlled by magic though, and probably more concerning, she didn’t know exactly what the technology would be used for. Surely if they did find a way to apply the mechanics, genetics and biotechnology that went into creating Richard they wouldn’t just abandon it once whatever these beings were dealt with. If a war were to follow anyway it would be a disaster.

She made eye contact with Richard. His jaw set tight and back held stiff, he didn’t seem to know what to say. Chances were he was thinking the same thing. He knew better than anyone, better than Volt even, what kind of destruction he was capable of.

Still though, if they were going to appear back home whatever happened after they left was none of their business.

“If he agrees, and you are able to figure out how to replicate some of the technology for yourself, would you be able to provide us with the same kind of report or manual that you would compile from it?” Volt crossed one leg over the other and leaned back on the couch, draping one arm over the back. “I wasn’t the one who made him, he was never given any useful information about how his systems worked from those who did, and neither of us are really on any kind of terms to go and ask anyone who developed him.”

Talking about Richard like nothing but some kind of machine, a tool, it left a bitter taste in Volt’s mouth, but she couldn’t think of a better way to say it. She glanced at him as he watched without a word. Hidden behind his hair, mechanisms in his broken eye quietly ground against edges warped from almost a year of disrepair as they attempted to match the orientation of the other.

When Sitara nodded enthusiastically, Volt continued. “He’s been away form the team who created him for a long time now, and since neither of us know how he works we haven’t been able to keep up with some of the regular maintenance he would usually need.” She paused, turning to Richard again. “It’s up to you though.” As nice as it would be for Sitara to be the answer to at least some of their problems, it wasn’t just something she could choose for him.

He thought for a moment, staring up to where the corner wall met the ceiling. “Okay.” He nodded. “If you might be able to give us some insight, then go ahead.” He leaned forward. “But I don’t want you anywhere near the back of my head, okay?” He kept his posture comfortable but there was an uncharacteristic hint of a threat in his voice.

He had good reason to want her nowhere near what was left of the NT-Regulator.

But just as quick as he’d spoken, a familiar friendly smile returned to his face and Volt relaxed. Across the coffee table Sitara grinned from ear to ear, nodding quickly.

“It’s a deal then!” She hopped up from the couch with glee. “I can’t wait to get started.”

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ “Enigma” (Near/Nate River) [1 of ?]

Genre: Action, Supernatural, Angst, Crossover, Friendship ☁

Word Count: 3,319 ☁

Pairing: First Person x Near ☁

World: Death Note feat. Supernatural ☁

WARNING: Spoilers for episode season 1, episode 6 of Supernatural. If you want to want to skip the spoiler, skip the paragraph that starts with “To add to that”.

Author’s Note: This is written in the first person, featuring an OC named Rae Winchester, Dean and Sam’s cousin. You don’t have to be a fan of Supernatural to read this fic.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

Stifling a yawn, I slid the keycard into the lock, waiting for it to click before twisting the handle. A blast of cold air hit your face and you sighed in content. After being out in the hot Texas sun all day fighting off demons, it felt nice to find some cool air.

Sam shot up from the small round table near the door, his expression one of worry. “Where have you been?!”

I scowled, scratching my head. “I was working, what do you think.”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“Uhh,” My mind flashed back to that morning. I had been fighting a rather large and ugly demon. My phone had rung and I got distracted for a moment, giving him an opportunity. He attacked, slamming me up against a brick wall. My phone fell out of my hand and smashed against the cement. “We should really invest in sturdier phones, Sam.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “That’s not important right now. We’ve got a problem,”

“What is it?” I asked, leaning against the counter.

“Dean was arrested,”

“Again?”

“This time it was the FBI,”

I groaned, falling into the chair across from him. “Of all the organizations, it just had to be those bastards.”

“We have to get him back, Rae.”

“You got a plan?” I questioned, leaning back in my chair.

He frowned, looking thoughtfully at his laptop. “I’m… working on it,”

I stood up, leaving him to his thoughts as I stepped back outside into the heat. The door clicked behind me and I leaned against it, pulling my pack of cigarettes from my pocket. I lit it up before taking a long drag.

My name is Rae Winchester and I’m a hunter. That is, I make a living off of killing non-human creatures that plague our world. Dean and Sam are my cousins, but they practically raised me and I view them more like brothers. Both of them are older than me, Dean being the eldest brother. They’re also hunters, but they chose a different path than I did.

While I take jobs and get paid to kill things, they prefer to hunt in secret and without pay. In order to get by, they commit petty theft – money, identities, credit cards. They’ve stolen it all at one point or another.

To add to that, a long time ago Sam and Dean were investigating a case in Missouri which turned out to be a shapeshifter – a creature that could take on the form of anyone it wants. When it became aware that it was being hunted, it changed itself to look like Dean before attacking and murdering a couple people. Ever since then, he has been on and off the Most Wanted list.

I’ve done my best to use my connections to their fullest extent to protect him, but even if I get the record erased from the system, there are still those hard-pressed agents that are determined to ‘bring him to justice’.

Justice… what a joke.

I threw my cigarette down onto the ground, stomping it out with my boot.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

I tucked the white button-up shirt into my slacks before pulling my suit jacket on and buttoning it up. I glanced at Sam as he waited by the door, dressed in his own suit.

Before leaving the hotel room we were staying in, Sam grabbed my shoulder. “Please be careful. Don’t do anything reckless.”

“Hmph, careful is my middle name, Sammy,” I responded, straightening the tie. I grabbed the wallet with my fake badge inside and tucked into the back pocket of my slacks before leaving the room. I headed downstairs, keeping my head held high as we exited the hotel. One thing I had learned over the years is that if you act confident like you’re the most important person in the world, people will start to believe it, and I did just that. Anyone that dared look at us, I glared at them in turn and they quickly averted their gaze.

The FBI headquarters that Dean was being held at was in New York City.

We stepped into the building like we owned it, heading for the security gate. The guard eyed us suspiciously as I stepped up to the keypad, scanning my badge. It clicked and the gate unlocked, swinging open. The guard nodded his head and we stepped through the metal detector without a problem.

It’s times like these that I’m glad I don’t use guns. Not that I have to, all things considered.

The woman standing in the elevator saw us approaching and held the door. Sam and I stepped onto the elevator and he thanked her. The door slid closed and the elevator lurched as it started its ascent.

“What floor?” She asked, her hand hovering over the panel.

“Twenty-four, please,” I answered.

She pressed it before looking at Sam.

“I’m also going to the twenty-fourth floor,”

She nodded, lowering her hand.

The two of us made small talk until the woman got off on the tenth floor.

“What’s the plan?” Sam asked, adjusting his tie.

“Find Dean,”

He looked at me in disbelief, “Please tell me there’s more than that…”

“Nope,”

“Plan B?”

“I don’t think they sell that here, Sammy.”

He deadpanned. “Not funny,”

I shrugged. “Never said it was. Look, all you have to do is find Dean. Once you find him, let me know and I’ll create a distraction. During the chaos, you grab him and run. Simple, yeah?”

Sam frowned, shifting from one leg to the other. “You better not die,”

“I won’t,”

“I won’t forgive you if you do,”

“I’m not going to die, Sam.” I glanced at him. “At least not yet,” I glanced at the numbers surging past on the LED screen above the door. “Look alive, we’re almost there,”

He straightened up as the doors slid open, stepping out and heading to the left. I went right.

Although it was only one floor, there was a lot of ground to cover and while our badges could get us past any of the security clearance levels, the people couldn’t be bypassed so easily. I wasn’t too worried about myself, I know I can handle their attacks, but Sam is a different story.

My hands clenched at my sides. Rescuing Dean was not my top priority – keeping them alive was.

I followed the hallway, glancing into each room with a window. I felt someone pass by me, but I paid it no mind. I wasn’t interested in the agents here, but I suddenly felt a strange feeling overcome me. What was this raw emotion I was feeling? Was it… a challenge?

I turned around, surprised to find the aura radiating off of a young boy. He stood in the middle of the hall, watching me through blank, calculating eyes. He couldn’t have been older than thirteen. What was a kid so young doing at the FBI headquarters?

“Hey, kid. I’m looking for someone. His name is Dean Winchester, you seen him?” I questioned.

His expression did not change, he just tilted his head slightly and started to twirl a piece of his snow-white hair around a pale finger. “You don’t belong here,” he stated, monotonously.

My eyes narrowed. I just fucking got here, there’s no way in hell I’m letting him ruin it this early. “Listen, kid, I don’t have time for games. It’s important that I find this man. Do you know where he is or not?”

He nodded but said nothing.

My eye twitched. This kid unnerved me. Why was his expression so blank? Was he a fucking robot? Forget it, I’m wasting time. Without another word, I turned and continued down the hall.

He followed me. I could feel his presence behind me. Despite his age, it felt like a lion stalking its prey.

Seriously, what is with this kid? I can’t sense any demon blood in him. He smells completely human… so why is he giving off such a strong aura? It didn’t make any sense.

I stopped, turning around to scowl at me. “Stop following me,”

“You don’t belong here,” He repeated.

“Pretty sure a kid doesn’t belong here either,” I scoffed. Should I show him my badge? It’s the highest quality forgery available, I paid top dollar for it and it’s never failed me in the past, but something about this kid made me hesitate. I knew deep down that he would be able to see through it. Before I could speak again, a shrill voice interrupted me.

“What do we have here~? Is that a she-demon I see?”

My body tensed at the familiar voice and I turned around, hoping that I was wrong. Standing at the end of the hall was a woman named Marnie. As usual, she was dressed in a skimpy outfit, the color pink being the primary color from head to toe. A large feather boa was wrapped around her neck.

“You have got to be kidding me,”

She smirked, folding her arms under her breasts, pushing them up and making them appear larger. “Imagine meeting you here of all places. It must be fate~!”

A sick, twisted fate maybe. “How the hell did you even get in here?”

“I charmed them, of course. One look and all the boys do my bidding without question.” She giggled, wrapping her arms tighter around her.

“Isn’t there some magical law against that or something?” I asked, rubbing the back of my head. What was I going to do? It would be bad enough that I have to fight off these damned FBI agents until Sam and Dean can get away, but now I have to fight off a witch too? Anytime you’d like to give me a break, universe.

I suddenly remembered the kid behind me and cursed. If we start fighting, he’s going to get hurt. Damn it.

She giggled again. “Of course there is, silly~ But rules don’t apply to me. I can charm anything with my magic. The world is my playground~!”

“Sounds fascinating,” I said dryly. “Well it was great catching up with you, gotta go.” I turned on my heel, grabbing the boys arm and speed walking back the way I came. I could feel the magic barreling towards me and I dodged, pushing the kid against the wall. A ball of pink energy whizzed past at an alarming speed before exploding at the other end of the hall. Alarms started to go off.

“Fuck my life,” I groaned, glancing down at the kid. He was staring at Marnie with wide, emotionless eyes. I shook his body lightly to get his attention, keeping my eyes on the witch as she approached. “Listen, kid. I’m gonna distract her. When I rush her, I want you to run in the opposite direction. Don’t stop, don’t look back. Just go, understand?”

He didn’t answer, not that I expected him to. I pushed him behind me, unbuttoning the suit jacket and loosening the tie.

“Ya know, I was set to go on vacation tomorrow. Peace and quiet without work for a week,” I sighed. “No witches, no demons, no fucking idiots for a full week. Is that so much to ask?”

“Come now, She-Demon, you know you can’t get rid of us that easily,” Her eyes narrowed and they started to glow. Before she could fire off another blast of energy, I rushed her, pulling my fist back and connecting it with her jaw. She slid back, her heels digging into the carpet. When she lifted her head, her eyes were glowing stronger, anger clear on her face. She thrust her hand forward and another ball of energy shot towards me. I dodged right as it got close and it whizzed past, colliding with the group of FBI agents that had just turned the corner, weapons drawn. They cried as it hit them, sending them flying against the wall.

My eyes quickly scanned the are behind me. The kid was gone. I sighed in relief.

“How dare you take your attention off me,” Marnie hissed, now in front of me. I didn’t react in time and she flew around, her heeled foot slamming into my stomach. The wall behind me cracked on impact and I grunted, feeling the heel slice the skin through the white button-up.

I grabbed her ankle, pressing hard into the ground to keep myself steady. “God, you’re so annoying!” I cried, kicking her other leg from underneath her. I pulled a knife from my sock and rammed it into her skin. She cried out, sending an uncontrolled burst of energy at my hand. I released her ankle and scrambled out of the way. It hit the wall, increasing the dent from my body.

“Come on, Sam,” I growled into the earpiece.

More agents rounded the corner, their guns pointed at us. They were all shouting at us to get down, their voices overlapping one another and drowned out by the shrill sound of the alarm.

“I’ve got him!” Sam’s voice rang through the earpiece. “We’re clear!”

Perfect, now I just gotta get my ass out of here. I glanced behind me. It was a dead-end, but there was a large window off to the left. Well, I can’t exactly use the elevator now, can I.

I smirked at the agents that were slowly advancing. “I’d love to stay for tea, but I’m gonna miss my train. Later, boys!” I turned on my heel and darted for the end of the hall. They started to shoot, but their aim sucked.

Marnie cried out in anger and I looked behind me in time to see her slam her fist into the ground. It shattered in a flash of neon pink, the burst of light engulfing the hall. I knew this was gonna hurt…

The light exploded, thrusting me out the window. The glass scraped my skin, but none of the wounds felt too deep. The wind ripped around my body as gravity started to take over and I started to fall towards the Earth.

This is also gonna hurt…

My body slammed into the cement a couple blocks away from the building, in an alley behind a fish market. I landed a foot away from the dumpster, my body digging into the cement and pulling the dumpster over. It landed on top of me, spilling its contents.

I should have let the agents shoot me. It would have been less painful.

Sam came rushing over, his face a mixture of worry and disgust. “Are you… are you okay?”

I grunted, shoving the dumpster off of me. My clothes were wet with blood and rotten fish guts. “What the fuck do you think?”

He held his hand out and I took it, muttering about witches.

“I don’t get paid enough for this shit,” I scoffed, kicking the dumpster across the alley.

“You’re not getting paid at all,” Sam responded, his voice muffled by the shirt he was holding over his nose.

“That’s the point, Sam!”

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I sat down on the park bench, watching the sun set on the horizon. The park was located on the edge of the river, so the sun was reflecting on the water. If I didn’t hate the sun so damn much, I might even consider it to be beautiful.

A week had passed since we rescued Dean from the FBI headquarters. The boys had left New York immediately, heading over to Oregon to investigate a string of mysterious disappearances. I headed over to Maine to recover from the fish hell I had experienced.

Even now, news stations and papers were going nuts reporting on the incident, which they labeled as “an act of terrorism”. What little bit of camera footage that Marnie hadn’t destroyed with her blast of anger was tampered with by an accomplice that worked for me. He’s considered one of the best hackers in the world – there’s very little he can’t get his digital hands on. With this, the FBI had no faces, names or leads. The only thing they could clearly report was that their prisoner had escaped during the chaos.

“Ren,”

I snapped out of my thoughts, looking over at Detective Kim as he approached me. “Sup, detective? Must be important to ask me out like this.”

He nodded, holding out a manila folder. I took it from his hands, flipping it open. The report was about a string of serial murders in Salt Lake City. There was also a report on a missing girl named Sarah Adams.

Detective Kim pointed at her photograph. “She was kidnapped sometime between the first and fifth murder.”

“What makes you so sure they’re connected?”

“He left his calling card,”

I flipped the page, seeing a photograph of this calling card he mentioned. It was a pirate flag with a bloody dagger stuck in the center, right over the left eye of the skull pattern. What a weird calling card. “Pretty extra if you ask me. What’s so special about this girl, anyway?”

“She’s the niece of the senator,” He folded his arms, turning to look at the last of the sun as it sunk in the distance. “The higher-ups are breathing down my neck for results. I’m doing the best I can, but at the end of the day, I’m just a man.”

“Hmm,” I continued to flip through the pages, looking for any information that may be key items.

“You’ll be paid for your work, of course.” He commented, glancing at me from under the brim of his hat. “You’ll also have my eternal gratitude,”

“Eternal gratitude?” I echoed, slapping the folder closed. “Why didn’t you say so sooner? Count me in.”

I saw the corner of his lips tugging up, but he held back the smile. “I’m counting on you, Winchester.”

“Yes, yes. Have I ever let you down in the past?” I asked, meeting his gaze. “On second thought, don’t answer that.”

“Just don’t make a national headline out of it like you did in New York.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” I scowled, standing up off the bench. “How the fuck was I supposed to know that a witch would show up to ruin my life?”

“I thought that was a typical day for you?” He raised a brow, an amused glint in his eye.

I pointed my index finger at him, ready to argue, but then I paused. “Fair point,”

He chuckled, patting my shoulder before turning and walking away. “Don’t keep me waiting too long, Winchester! I might have to rethink my eternal gratitude.”

You grinned at his back before walking in the opposite direction, the file tucked under your arm.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

You stepped into the police department, approaching the front desk. “I need to speak to Detective Kim,”

“Detective Kim isn’t in right now,”

“When will he be back?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t disclose that information. Would you like to leave a message for him?”

“No,” I scowled, turning around and exiting the station. I stopped on the steps, lighting up a cigarette. Where the hell was he? I’ve been trying to get a hold of him for three days to no avail. It wasn’t like him to dodge my calls, especially when I’m working on a case. This wasn’t like him. Had something happened?

I walked down the steps, taking a drag of the cigarette.

“Winchester!”

“Heh?” I stopped at the bottom of the steps, turning to look at the man rushing down the steps. He was wearing a police uniform, but I didn’t recognize his face.

“You’re looking for Detective Kim, aren’t you?” He questioned, his brow furrowed.

“Depends who’s asking,”

“Oh, right. Sorry,” he took off his hat. “My name is Rodriquez. I know you’re close to the Detective, that’s why I came after you.”

“Has something happened?” I questioned, giving him my full attention.

“I think so,” He frowned. “He hasn’t come to work in a week! The higherups are keeping it pretty hush-hush, or at least trying to, but I overheard Detective Niel talking about it. No one knows where he is. I went to his apartment yesterday and talked to his neighbors. They haven’t seen him either,”

The hell? I turned and started to walk away.

“Hey, wait! Where are you going?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I scowled at him over my shoulder. “I’m going to find him,” I pulled my phone out as I walked away from the station, dialing his number for the umpteenth time. I didn’t expect him to answer, but I stopped when the line clicked.

A distorted voice came over the line. “Detective Kim is currently unavailable,”

Is this a fucking two-bit horror movie? What’s with the voice changer? I scowled, “Who is this?”

“You may call me N,”

Guess we’re passed using actual names. “And where is the Detective?”

“He is safe. For now,”

“What do you want with him?”

“That is of no concern to you,” The voice paused for a moment. “I wonder… can you find him?” The line went dead.

My hand clenched around the phone, cracking the screen. Son of a bitch doesn’t know who he’s messing with!

Okay, calm down and focus. Breathe – in and out. In and out.

I closed my eyes, picturing the apartment building that Seven lived in. I felt my body shifting like it had become a liquid swirling inside a tornado. The sound of wind whipped past my ears before suddenly stopping. It felt as if I was speeding fast and then suddenly came to a dead stop. When I opened my eyes, I was standing in front of the apartment building in Seoul, South Korea.

I tilted my neck right to left, cracking it. I’ve teleported so many times, but I don’t think I’d ever get used to the feeling.

I ran up the stairs to the third floor and banged on apartment number 412. It was late her in Seoul, around four in the morning. I banged louder, considering just picking the lock or kicking the door in.

The door opened, revealing a half-asleep Seven. He rubbed his eyes, squinting at me. “Boss?”

I pushed past him, stepping into the dark apartment. “I have a job for you,”

He stifled a yawn, shutting and locking the door. “Can I have a minute to wake up?”

“Make it a fast minute,” I ordered, watching him shuffle down the hall and into the bathroom. I opened his fridge, grabbing a can of soda and sitting down on the couch. He came back five minutes later, carrying his laptop, which he sat down on the table in front of the couch.

He entered the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of tea. “What is it you need, boss?”

I pulled out my phone, dropping it onto the table beside his laptop. “I need you to track a number. Something tells me it’s being blocked, but if anyone can find it, it’s you.”

He raised a brow as he sat down on the floor, his back resting against the couch. “That’s… Detective Kim’s number, right?”

“Yeah. He’s been missing for a week according to a co-worker. I’ve been calling him for three days to update him on a case,” I explained, sitting back on the couch as he booted up the laptop. “I tried calling him again a few minutes ago after I left the police station. Someone answered, using a voice changer.”

“A voice changer?” He glanced back at me. “People actually do that?”

“Apparently,” I scoffed. The phone started to vibrate right as he picked it up.

Seven lifted the phone over his head and behind him. “It’s Dean,”

I slipped it out of his hand and pressed it to my ear. “Hey, Dean. What’s up?”

“Hey, kiddo. What are you up to?”

“Nothing. What do you need?”

“Me and Sammy are in Missouri and we need your help,”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’ll be there soon,” I ended the call and handed the phone back to Seven. “Call Sam or Dean when you’ve traced the call.”

“Roger~”

I closed my eyes and concentrated again. The familiar feeling washed over me as I teleported.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[cover2covermom]

Today I’m going to be sharing my favorite books that I’ve read in 2020 thus far…

» The Ruins of Gorlan (Ranger’s Apprentice #1) by John Flanagan

Genre: YA fantasy

They have always scared him in the past — the Rangers, with their dark cloaks and shadowy ways. The villagers believe the Rangers practice magic that makes them invisible to ordinary people. And now 15-year-old Will, always small for his age, has been chosen as a Ranger’s apprentice. What he doesn’t yet realize is that the Rangers are the protectors of the kingdom. Highly trained in the skills of battle and surveillance, they fight the battles before the battles reach the people. And as Will is about to learn, there is a large battle brewing. The exiled Morgarath, Lord of the Mountains of Rain and Night, is gathering his forces for an attack on the kingdom. This time, he will not be denied….

My mother-in-law actually recommended this book for my son.  After reading it for myself, I agree that this book would definitely appeal to boys.  There are some wonderful themes like hard work, courage, friendship, etc.  I would also consider this a wonderful gateway book into fantasy.

» Black Enough: Stories of Being Young & Black in American by Ibi Zoboi

Genre: YA contemporary ((anthology))

Black Enough is a star-studded anthology edited by National Book Award finalist Ibi Zoboi that will delve into the closeted thoughts, hidden experiences, and daily struggles of black teens across the country. From a spectrum of backgrounds—urban and rural, wealthy and poor, mixed race, immigrants, and more—Black Enough showcases diversity within diversity.

Whether it’s New York Times bestselling author Jason Reynolds writing about #blackboyjoy or Newbery Honor-winning author Renee Watson talking about black girls at camp in Portland, or emerging author Jay Coles’s story about two cowboys kissing in the south—Black Enough is an essential collection full of captivating coming-of-age stories about what it’s like to be young and black in America.

Black Enough was a game changer for me.  I don’t tend to read anthologies because I find that I tend to struggle to connect to short stories, but I loved this collection!  What an excellent book to incorporate during #BlackHistoryMonth in February!

» Girls Like Us by Randi Pink

Genre: YA historical fiction

Set in the summer of 1972, this moving YA historical novel is narrated by teen girls from different backgrounds with one thing in common: Each girl is dealing with pregnancy. Four teenage girls. Four different stories. What they all have in common is that they’re dealing with unplanned pregnancies.

In rural Georgia, Izella is wise beyond her years, but burdened with the responsibility of her older sister, Ola, who has found out she’s pregnant. Their young neighbor, Missippi, is also pregnant, but doesn’t fully understand the extent of her predicament. When her father sends her to Chicago to give birth, she meets the final narrator, Susan, who is white and the daughter of an anti-choice senator.

Randi Pink masterfully weaves four lives into a larger story – as timely as ever – about a woman’s right to choose her future.

Wow!  A book about teen pregnancy set in the 70s?  Yes!  I flew through this book.  I was very invested in this story & the characters.

» Awkward (Berrybrook Middle School #1) & Crush (Berrybrook Middle School #3) by Svetlana Chmakova

Genre: MG contemporary ((graphic novels))

I’ve adored each graphic novel in this series.  Chmakova captures the essence of middle school perfectly.  She also does a wonderful job giving us a diverse cast of characters, and tackling relevant topics.

» On the Come Up by Angie Thomas

Genre: YA contemporary

Sixteen-year-old Bri wants to be one of the greatest rappers of all time. Or at least make it out of her neighborhood one day. As the daughter of an underground rap legend who died before he hit big, Bri’s got big shoes to fill. But now that her mom has unexpectedly lost her job, food banks and shutoff notices are as much a part of Bri’s life as beats and rhymes. With bills piling up and homelessness staring her family down, Bri no longer just wants to make it—she has to make it.

On the Come Up is Angie Thomas’s homage to hip-hop, the art that sparked her passion for storytelling and continues to inspire her to this day. It is the story of fighting for your dreams, even as the odds are stacked against you; of the struggle to become who you are and not who everyone expects you to be; and of the desperate realities of poor and working-class black families.

While this didn’t necessarily have as much as an impact on me as The Hate U Give, this book was amazing in its own right.  I think Angie Thomas has a brilliant way of writing YA contemporary that is not only relevant & important, but also entertaining at the same time.

» The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo

Genre: YA fantasy

Love speaks in flowers. Truth requires thorns.

Travel to a world of dark bargains struck by moonlight, of haunted towns and hungry woods, of talking beasts and gingerbread golems, where a young mermaid’s voice can summon deadly storms and where a river might do a lovestruck boy’s bidding but only for a terrible price.

Inspired by myth, fairy tale, and folklore, #1 New York Times–bestselling author Leigh Bardugo has crafted a deliciously atmospheric collection of short stories filled with betrayals, revenge, sacrifice, and love.

Perfect for new readers and dedicated fans, these tales will transport you to lands both familiar and strange—to a fully realized world of dangerous magic that millions have visited through the novels of the Grishaverse.

This collection of six stories includes three brand-new tales, all of them lavishly illustrated with art that changes with each turn of the page, culminating in six stunning full-spread illustrations as rich in detail as the stories themselves.

  A collection of deliciously dark short stories are inspired by classic fairytales & folklore.  I LOVED these stories!  They gave me Neil Gaiman vibes, so if you are a NG fan, I’d recommend these stories to you.  I also adored the illustrations throughout that really enhanced the story.

» Far From the Tree by Robin Benway

Genre: YA contemporary

Being the middle child has its ups and downs.

But for Grace, an only child who was adopted at birth, discovering that she is a middle child is a different ride altogether. After putting her own baby up for adoption, she goes looking for her biological family, including—

Maya, her loudmouthed younger bio sister, who has a lot to say about their newfound family ties. Having grown up the snarky brunette in a house full of chipper redheads, she’s quick to search for traces of herself among these not-quite-strangers. And when her adopted family’s long-buried problems begin to explode to the surface, Maya can’t help but wonder where exactly it is that she belongs.

And Joaquin, their stoic older bio brother, who has no interest in bonding over their shared biological mother. After seventeen years in the foster care system, he’s learned that there are no heroes, and secrets and fears are best kept close to the vest, where they can’t hurt anyone but him.

Far From the Tree is a beautiful YA contemporary about adoption, family, identity, and love.  Told in 3 different perspectives, I enjoyed the journey & development of each of these characters.

» Keeper of Lost Cities (Keeper of the Lost Cities #1), Exile (Keeper of the Lost Cities #2), & Everblaze (Keeper of the Lost Cities #3) by Shannon Messenger

Genre: MG fantasy

Twelve-year-old Sophie Foster has a secret. She’s a Telepath—someone who hears the thoughts of everyone around her. It’s a talent she’s never known how to explain.

Everything changes the day she meets Fitz, a mysterious boy who appears out of nowhere and also reads minds. She discovers there’s a place she does belong, and that staying with her family will place her in grave danger. In the blink of an eye, Sophie is forced to leave behind everything and start a new life in a place that is vastly different from anything she has ever known.

Sophie has new rules to learn and new skills to master, and not everyone is thrilled that she has come “home.” There are secrets buried deep in Sophie’s memory—secrets about who she really is and why she was hidden among humans—that other people desperately want. Would even kill for.

In this page-turning debut, Shannon Messenger creates a riveting story where one girl must figure out why she is the key to her brand-new world, before the wrong person finds the answer first.

I am LOVING this MG fantasy series.  While these books are a bit chunky, don’t let the page count deter you.  I fly through these books.   I’d recommend this series to fans of Harry Potter.

» SHOUT by Laurie Halse Anderson

Genre: YA memoir ((told in verse))

A searing poetic memoir and call to action from the bestselling and award-winning author of Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson!

Bestselling author Laurie Halse Anderson is known for the unflinching way she writes about, and advocates for, survivors of sexual assault. Now, inspired by her fans and enraged by how little in our culture has changed since her groundbreaking novel Speak was first published twenty years ago, she has written a poetry memoir that is as vulnerable as it is rallying, as timely as it is timeless. In free verse, Anderson shares reflections, rants, and calls to action woven between deeply personal stories from her life that she’s never written about before. Searing and soul-searching, this important memoir is a denouncement of our society’s failures and a love letter to all the people with the courage to say #metoo and #timesup, whether aloud, online, or only in their own hearts. Shout speaks truth to power in a loud, clear voice– and once you hear it, it is impossible to ignore.

This is a must read for fans of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak.  While you don’t HAVE to read Speak to read SHOUT, I feel like it makes a bigger impact if you read Speak prior to this.  If you didn’t know, SHOUT is Anderson’s memoir told in verse.

» Loveboat, Taipei (Loveboat, Taipei #1) by Abigail Hing Wen

Genre: YA contemporary

When eighteen-year-old Ever Wong’s parents send her from Ohio to Taiwan to study Mandarin for the summer, she finds herself thrust among the very over-achieving kids her parents have always wanted her to be, including Rick Woo, the Yale-bound prodigy profiled in the Chinese newspapers since they were nine—and her parents’ yardstick for her never-measuring-up life.

Unbeknownst to her parents, however, the program is actually an infamous teen meet-market nicknamed Loveboat, where the kids are more into clubbing than calligraphy and drinking snake-blood sake than touring sacred shrines.

Free for the first time, Ever sets out to break all her parents’ uber-strict rules—but how far can she go before she breaks her own heart?

  This is a guilty pleasure type of read.  Actually, it reminded me a bit of Crazy Rich Asians a bit.  It is a tad racy for a YA book… So I’d probably recommend for older YA readers that are 16+

» The Penderwicks (The Penderwicks #1) by Jeanne Birdsall

Genre: MG contemporary

The Penderwick sisters busily discover the summertime magic of Arundel estate’s sprawling gardens, treasure-filled attic, tame rabbits, and the cook who makes the best gingerbread in Massachusetts. Best of all is Jeffrey Tifton, son of Arundel’s owner, the perfect companion for their adventures. Icy-hearted Mrs. Tifton is less pleased with the Penderwicks than Jeffrey, and warns the new friends to stay out of trouble. Is that any fun? For sure the summer will be unforgettable.

This is the perfect book to pick up during the summer months.  It really gave me modern Little Women crossed with The Secret Garden vibes.  The ending was so heartwarming it almost brought me to tears.

» Becoming by Michelle Obama

Genre: Adult memoir

In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As First Lady of the United States of America—the first African American to serve in that role—she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history, while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the U.S. and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives, and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare.

In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites readers into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her—from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work, to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it—in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations—and whose story inspires us to do the same.

  Despite the fact that this memoir is LONG, I was interested from start to finish.  I adore Michelle Obama and find her so inspiring.

» The Stonekeeper’s Curse (Amulet #2) & The Cloud Searchers (Amulet #3) by Kazu Kibuishi

Genre: MG fantasy ((graphic novel))

I enjoyed these subsequent installments even more than the first!  The art style is absolutely stunning and I really enjoyed the story line.  I can really see this as a TV series or movie.

» Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo

Genre: YA contemporary

Camino Rios lives for the summers when her father visits her in the Dominican Republic. But this time, on the day when his plane is supposed to land, Camino arrives at the airport to see crowds of crying people…

In New York City, Yahaira Rios is called to the principal’s office, where her mother is waiting to tell her that her father, her hero, has died in a plane crash.

Separated by distance – and Papi’s secrets – the two girls are forced to face a new reality in which their father is dead and their lives are forever altered. And then, when it seems like they’ve lost everything of their father, they learn of each other.

Papi’s death uncovers all the painful truths he kept hidden, and the love he divided across an ocean. And now, Camino and Yahaira are both left to grapple with what this new sister means to them, and what it will now take to keep their dreams alive.

In a dual narrative novel in verse that brims with both grief and love, award-winning and bestselling author Elizabeth Acevedo writes about the devastation of loss, the difficulty of forgiveness, and the bittersweet bonds that shape our lives.

Another 5-star read from Elizabeth Acevedo! Clap When You Land is a heart-wrenching book in verse about loss, betrayal, and forgiveness.

» All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

Genre: YA memoir

In a series of personal essays, prominent journalist and LGBTQIA+ activist George M. Johnson explores his childhood, adolescence, and college years in New Jersey and Virginia. From the memories of getting his teeth kicked out by bullies at age five, to flea marketing with his loving grandmother, to his first sexual relationships, this young-adult memoir weaves together the trials and triumphs faced by Black queer boys.

Both a primer for teens eager to be allies as well as a reassuring testimony for young queer men of color, All Boys Aren’t Blue covers topics such as gender identity, toxic masculinity, brotherhood, family, structural marginalization, consent, and Black joy. Johnson’s emotionally frank style of writing will appeal directly to young adults.

Johnson shares his experiences growing up as a queer black boy in this powerful memoir.  I love that Johnson wrote his story for the teen audience.  This is a must read!

What are some of your favorite books of 2020 thus far?

Have you read any of my favorites?  If so, what did you think?

Comment below & let me know 🙂

Favorite Books of 2020 (January - June) #BookBlogger #Books #Reading #Bookworm #BookNerd #BookTalk Today I'm going to be sharing my favorite books that I've read in 2020 thus far...

[sugarandspace]

malec prompt: The hero shows up at the villain’s doorstep one night. They’re shivering, bleeding, scared. There’s also a slightly dazed look in their eyes– they were drugged. They look like they were assaulted. Looking up at the villain, swaying slightly as they’re close to passing out, they mumble “…didn’t know where else to go…” then collapse into the villain’s arms.

Thank you so much for the prompt! As you know, I didn’t go with the hero/villain thing and wrote a canon divergence AU instead! I hope you like this! :)

Behind Enemy Lines

AO3

Warnings: graphic descriptions of violence

It's a rare moment of peace and Alec has decided to take a walk. Well, ‘peace’ might be a wrong word to use since Valentine and Jonathan are still out there and the bridges built between the Downworld and the Shadowhunters are weak and frayed at best, but Alec needs this moment out of the Institute, out of the environment that screams war and helplessness. It’s been two weeks since the secret about the soul sword got out, two weeks since Magnus walked away.

Alec takes in a deep breath and tries not to think about it, which is useless because that seems to be the only thing he’s capable of thinking about lately. How his secrecy had destroyed the best thing he had going on for himself.

He can’t help but wonder how different things would be if they were fighting on the same side. If he’d been honest with Magnus, would they still have the Downworld on their side? Alec is pretty sure they would at least have Magnus.

Alec feels like his old self, a soldier who pushes his emotions out of the way to focus on duty. It’s not as easy as it used to be, now that he knows that there’s an alternative.

Lost in his thoughts, Alec doesn’t even realise that his feet have carried him to Brooklyn. It’s late and he’s on a more remote part of it and there’s no one in sight. He’s just about to turn around when he feels a hand on his shoulder and a sharp pain in his neck.

He pulls out his blade, ready to defend himself, but his fingers feel numb and the weapon clatters to the ground. He’s pushed to a wall of the nearby building, his cheek colliding with the rough brick. There’s a weight on his back, pinning him to a place.

“You want to see what happens to liars?” A male voice says and the person pulls Alec away from the wall only to slam him against it again. “You have a funny concept of transparency Lightwood.”

“I tried -” Alec starts but he’s cut off when the man pulls him away from the wall and throws him on the ground. Alec can’t see clearly, but there are three vaguely human-shaped blurs hovering above him. One of them kicks him on the side. Alec tries to curl into himself but the next kick is aimed at his back, the one following that hitting the back of his head.

Alec groans in pain, tasting blood in his mouth.

“Good luck trying to find your way back to your people,” one of the blurs says, a female voice this time. “It would truly be a shame if someone were to find you while you’re in such a vulnerable state.”

Alec tries to struggle as he feels hands on his body, patting down his clothes until they reach into his jacket pocket. He knows what’s in that pocket. His phone and his stele.

“You had no intention to help us, it’s your turn to feel helpless,” the male voice from earlier says. “I know your kind is a fan of taking trophies whenever they kill one of ours, I feel like this stele will look good on my shelf.”

The people leave, but not before kicking him on the side one more time. One of them steps over Alec’s forearm, stomping so hard the bone gives way underneath it.

Alec howls in pain. He struggles to catch his breath, to focus on the situation rather than the pain. He needs to get up, needs to get to safety. He can’t stay here. Who knows who will find him. Demons? Another group of angry Downworlders? A mundane?

Finding support from the wall next to him, Alec hauls himself into a sitting position. The world around him turns and twists and the pain is making it hard to concentrate. He wants to close his eyes and rest, but there is enough clarity in his mind that he knows that he shouldn’t. Knows that there’s a high chance he wouldn’t open them anymore.

Clenching his jaw tight, Alec stands up on his unsteady feet and starts his slow walk to safety.

-.-.-

Magnus sits down to his armchair with a drink in his hand. It’s been a long day, another one in a line of several long days. He’s grateful for the peace. Having all the warlocks of Brooklyn under his roof had been fun for a while, but as the situation lasted and lasted it was better to find an alternative hiding place for those who didn’t trust their own wards enough.

He’s able to enjoy the peace for roughly a minute before the big loft around him starts feeling lonely and quiet. It’s clearly empty, no sign of company anywhere to be seen.

No mission reports on the table, no bow next to the door. The only jacket draped over the couch is the one Magnus had been wearing earlier. Magnus curses himself for the feelings he still feels.

The distance hasn’t helped, he still finds himself wishing that Alec would walk in from the front door and make everything alright again. But then Magnus remembers the humiliation and betrayal he’d felt when they parted, and he gets angry. Angry at Alec and angry at himself, for not guarding his heart better.

He really should have learned by now.

There’s a knock on the door that brings Magnus out of his thoughts. It didn’t sound like a proper knock though, more like a thump, so he feels for his wards and finds out that the person behind the door is a friend and not a threat. But Magnus is not expecting anyone.

He welcomes the distraction though and gets up. He sets his glass on the table and walks towards the door. When he opens the door, he’s faced with a sight that makes him feel a myriad of emotions at once.

The person behind the door is Alexander. The sight of the man makes Magnus want to close the door to his face because he doesn’t have the mental capacity for this right now. But something’s wrong. Alec looks beaten, his breaths frantic and his clothes dirty. He’s leaning against the wall next to the door, cradling his left arm to his chest. He’s shaking, his clothes look damp, and there’s blood running down the side of his face as well as from the cut on his lip.

“Alexander?” Magnus asks, not an ounce of the anger he felt earlier in his voice. All of that is pushed aside by the wave of worry that’s threatening to drown Magnus.

“…didn’t know where else to go…” Alec says, his words slurring down a little. He’s looking at Magnus but his eyes can’t seem to be able to focus. He coughs, and there are splatters of blood on the wall next to his head.

Magnus is still frozen in shock, but as he sees Alec’s eyes slipping shut and his legs giving in, his arms are there to catch him. Alec goes completely limp in his arms and Magnus reacts immediately. He snaps his fingers to close the door behind Alec and creates a portal, bringing it towards them so it can suck them in. They appear in the bedroom, right next to the bed where Magnus lays Alec down.

He rolls his sleeves and gets to work, scanning Alec’s body with magic to get a clear idea of his injuries. He’s badly beaten, with broken ribs and internal bleeding. His left arm is bruised and broken, and there’s a tranquilizer strong enough to knock out a horse running in his system. It’s not working as strongly as it should now when it’s mixed with angelic blood, but it’s still a small miracle Alec made it this far before falling unconscious.

Magnus doesn’t waste any more time and gets to work, healing the most painful injuries first even though he’s not sure if Alexander can even feel the pain at the moment. There’s a question in his mind brought on by a familiar protectiveness he wishes he didn’t still feel so strongly.

“Who hurt you?”

-.-.-

When Alec wakes up, all he wants to do is go back to sleep. The bed underneath him is soft and the sheets silky against his sore body. He reaches his arm to the side and furrows his brow as he finds the bed next to him empty. That makes him wake up more and he remembers that he shouldn’t even be in this bed.

His heart starts to race and he slowly opens his eyes.

He’s in Magnus’ bedroom, and the room looks exactly the same as it did two weeks ago. Alec doesn’t know why he expected it to have changed. His eyes settle on Magnus who’s sitting on an armchair next to the bed. The first thing Alec realises is that he looks tired, and the second is that it doesn’t make him look any less beautiful.

A strong wave of regret fills his stomach and Alec has to swallow hard before he can speak.

“What happened?”

Because Alec has no idea how he got here. He tries to think hard and the last thing he remembers is that he was taking a walk. Everything after that is unclear.

“You showed up at my door a few hours ago bleeding and drugged,” Magnus says. His tone is impassive and Alec hates it. “I didn’t get much out of you before you passed out.”

Alec knows that there isn’t really anything he could have done differently, but he still feels guilty for showing up in here - for inconveniencing Magnus.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says quietly.

Magnus doesn’t respond. He stands up from the chair and turns his back to Alec. Alec realises that the reason for his fatigue and heavy movements is probably magic depletion and he must have exhausted himself while he was healing Alec.

“I know I have no right to be here,” Alec starts and stands up. He’s still feeling sore and he dreads to think about how bad he had been before Magnus healed him. He’s wearing different clothes than he was when he left the Institute earlier that evening - a soft t-shirt and faded sweatpants. It evokes a feeling he can’t explain - and that he has no room for in this moment - to see that Magnus hasn’t gotten rid of everything Alec left at the loft when they broke up. “I’ll go. Thank you for healing me, you can send the bill to the Institute.”

Alec hates how his own voice sounds, professional and distant. It isn't the voice he usually uses with Magnus, but he feels like he’s not allowed to use that tone anymore. He lost the right when he lied to Magnus.

“Money?” Magnus asks, turning around so fast Alec takes a step back. He looks angry, the glamour long gone from his eyes. “You think I care about money?!”

Alec doesn’t know what to say, stunned from the sudden outburst.

“You almost died, Alexander.” Magnus says and his tone is still harsh. “And you’re treating this like business.”

“How should I treat it then?” Alec asks, his own tone challenging. He doesn’t want to argue, not after Magnus had apparently saved his life, but he can’t just stand there and take everything Magnus is saying.

“Isn’t that what we are?” Alec continues when Magnus doesn’t say anything. “Isn’t that what you’d expect from anyone? Money for the services provided?”

“This is different,” Magnus says, his tone still angry.

“You are right,” Alec says. “We are on different sides, you probably wouldn’t offer your services to an enemy. I’m sorry you had to save me.”

Alec tries to walk past Magnus and leave the loft because this feels awful. It was torture when they weren’t talking, but arguing with Magnus feels a lot worse. He only manages a few steps before Magnus reaches out and takes a hold of his bicep.

“Don’t walk away from me,” Magnus says, his teeth clenched.

Alec laughs. The sound sounds hysterical to his own ears.

“You’re one to talk,” he says as he turns to look at him again. “You walked away from me first.”

The words sting and Alec can see that Magnus reacts to them as well. He just can’t make sense of what the reaction means. When did he stop being able to read Magnus?

“You lied to me,” Magnus says, his hand dropping down and his words no longer angry. The tone he’s using now is cold, laced with the pain of betrayal that still feels fresh.

“I made a mistake,” Alec says quietly, shame filling him. He feels tired, both physically and mentally. “Look, why are we arguing? What is this going to accomplish? Let me leave and I won’t bother you anymore.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me when you need help,” Magnus says, his voice now tired as well. “You could have died if you didn’t come here tonight, and if there is a next time, I don’t want you to try to find help somewhere else, when I’m close by.”

“You shouldn’t need to worry about me anymore,” Alec says quietly.

“I know,” Magnus says weakly. “And I’ve tried to stop. But not a day goes by when I don’t think about you. I can’t hate you. I hate what you did, I truly despise being lied to - but I can’t make my heart hate you.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you either,” Alec admits. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about the soul sword. If there were a way to go back in time and change it I would. I thought I was doing what was right, but nothing good has come out of it. I miss you and I can’t stand being on different sides.”

“You said it yourself once, after our differences almost drove us apart at the beginning,” Magnus says quietly. “Relationships take effort. I stand by what I said, I’m ready to put in that effort, if you are too.”

“Yes,” Alec says immediately. “I promise to learn from my mistakes, if you promise to stay when things get difficult.”

“I think I can promise that,” Magnus says, and his lips lift up in a small smile. Alec can’t help but smile back, the first real smile in two weeks. It’s a smile of relief and hope, and Alec can’t quite believe he gets to feel those emotions again.

“Stay for the rest of the night?” Magnus asks. “I couldn’t find your phone so I sent a fire message to Izzy explaining the situation. She knows you’re here.”

Alec nods, walking back to the familiar bed.

It will take a while before they sleep like they used to, limbs tangled together and breath warming skin, but this is a start. A new day will come and they will talk more, trust will be rebuilt and shame will fade. They will build their relationship back to what it was, and they will do it while fighting for the world that is theirs

Not the Downworld or the world of Nephilim, but the Shadow World, a world of individuals who are used to fighting each other when they would be stronger if they fought together. That is not a short distance goal though, and will only be reached with small steps in the right direction.

For now, sleeping in the same bed and being on the same page is enough.

[migleefulmoments]

"Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can't be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he's living?" Does Abby understand that Chris is gay? He was bullied all throughout his childhood for being gay and having a high pitched "girly" voice. He's always talked about feeling different and like he was an outsider in his hometown. I stg she's never listened to word Chris has ever said about himself and his life.

 OMG this submission and Abby’s comments.  Abby didn’t write the part you quoted- her friend did- but she did repost it and call it “brilliant”. She did add her comments to the end where she agreed with the general sentiment and some specific points .  

I didn’t enjoy ATOM. It’s a kids’ book so it doesn’t matter how I felt about it but I was flummoxed how Abby and co. can rave on and on about it. Chris isn’t subtle with his messages, he beats you on the head with it and I thought “how in the world can she not get the point of the story”. Then I read the submission and Abby’s point again while I responded and not only has she never listened to a world Chris has said, she didn’t read the same book that I read.  WTF? Her- and her friend’s- ideas are insane. Pure insane.  They are the vapid ideas of someone who used the book as confirmation bias rather than actually READ the book. The LGBTQ message of the story is blatant and not something you might not catch-it comes with spotlights flashing and blow horns blowing. The idea that it’s about Chris’s own personal adult love story is beyond asinine-what is beyond asinine? Is there even a word? I need a word beyond asinine.  

I added my comments in italics within parenthesis.     

*************************************************************************

Submission from a friend (I posted my brief thoughts at the end). Major spoilers below. Scroll past if you haven’t read and don’t want to know.

First off, just in the note to the readers, I knew this book was going to be full of some good stuff.

Obviously, all interpretations are my own, after my first read through.

“A tale of magic follows a group of young fairies as they fight for acceptance in an oppressive world where magic is outlawed and despised. This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”

Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can’t be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he’s living? (Ya think? Duh. OF COURSE IT IS ABOUT LGBTQ COMMUNITY. If you aren’t SURE that it is about LGBTQ kids then you have no business commenting further).

“If we want to change the world’s opinion it must be encouraged, not forced– and nothing encourages people like a good spectacle.”

Hmm… a spectacle? Sounds familiar. You can’t force anyone to believe anything, but it can be encouraged by opening your eyes to a good spectacle, like say a wedding, and realizing that it just doesn’t make sense if you open your eyes. Nuff said. (Hmmmm...a spectacle? It isn’t about the “spectacle” getting the character’s attention and then acting, it’s about encouraging the world to see “fairies” in a positive light by creating a spectacle.) 

One of the books that Brystal comes across is by Daisy Peppernickel. I think that speaks for itself. It’s clearly known that Daisy is a certain someone’s nickname, especially used by the part of his fans that believe in Daisy. (This is so offensive- Chris would NEVER call his boyfriend a “Daisy” when he was “acting gay” like said fans do. Chris is fighting to normalize differences in society- he isn’t going to immortolize a nickname used as a label for when someone is “acting gay”.)

“.. each author’s cause of death was EXECUTED FOR CONSPIRACY AGAINS THE KINGDOM. … It was a graveyard for truth and an archive of people the Justices had silenced.”

Deleted tweets, accounts vanishing into thin air. This sounds a lot like the conspiracies against (str8) fandom. It’s no secret that people have been silenced. (Right, this is about Chris’s adult pain- not his childhood pain. That is exactly how I read it too (eye roll font). He’s telling 12 yo kids “Don’t worry about high school bullies, families rejecting you and kicking you out of your home before you are 18 and no sweat about conversion theory but LOOK OUT for deleted Tweets and conspiraries from your fandom. That is the hard stuff!)  “All the books in the secret room were written by people who felt and thought exactly like she did, by people who questioned information, who criticized social restrictions, who challenged the systems set in place, and who weren’t afraid to make their ideas known.”

Questioning information? Challenging the system? Not afraid to make their ideas known? Can’t think of anybody that might do that. (Riiiigggghhhhttttt Chris didn’t write a book about accepting everyone regardless of sexual orientation or other differences. Nope, he wrote a book about not believing PR, not accepting the truth and always questioning what celebs say. That’s relatable to kids, right?) 

“Personally, I think life is way to complicated for anyone’s life to be set in stone.”

Even though D seems to be in a death sentence, there’s way more to life and his fate is not set in stone. C believes in his man, and knows he can overcome this. (So more proof Chris ISN’T telling a story to kids about accepting themselves and that it gets better. Instead he’s telling about how his adult life is hard and his lover will be worth the wait no matter how hard it is).  

“Sometimes as  a survival method, fairies suppress their magic so deep within themselves that it becomes extremely difficult to reach it.”

This reminds me of D’s dudebro persona that he brings out. He’s suppressing himself so far that at times he’ll turn himself into a different caricature of himself. We all know Daisy is in there somewhere under the layers of D-bag. (Honestly that quote from the book is so obvious it’s baffling that someone would try to make it anything but what it is. How she can turn that into something specific about an adult’s behavior when the book is written for children is absurd-also notice she is using “Daisy” as a nickname for when he is “acting gay”. When they call Darren “a D-bag” I have to cackle, Darren is who he is and they don’t like him. If you think he’s a D-bag then what are you doing in this fandom? How can anyone over the age of 12 believe that the behavior they don’t like is a charade and the real him is “somewhere under the layers of D-bag” (and therefore rarely seen). Real life isn’t a fiction story and real people don’t act like fictious charaters from TV).  

“It’s very hard watching someone you love in so much pain.”

C watching the person he loves get knocked down over and over, he’s speaking directly from his own experience here. (Again, yes, Chris wrote a Children’s book about accepting yourself and it’s ok to be different but the real message is about being in his 20′s and in love and how hard it is for him to kept apart while ccDarren hides for fame).   

“Horence had the misfortune of falling in love with a witch. … Naturally, such a relationship was forbidden, so for over a decade, Horence and the witch carried on a secret affair. When Horence’s soldiers discovered the relationship, the men betrayed their commander. They burned Horence at the stake and forced the witch to watch it happen.”

Using LGBT to equal ‘magical’ (As I’ve found countless references I haven’t even put in here) D fell in love with someone magical (gay), and their relationship was forbidden and secret. Once their secret was out, the team made D pay for it and C had to watch it all go down with nothing that he could do. (Except throw all his angst into his books ;) ) (Ugh! ORrrrrrrrrrr the book is about how people who are different are outcast and even killed for their differences and in this case, with the book so obvously about LGBTQ kids, it is about being outcast, shunned, or even killed for not being straight).  

“We must pity the people who close to hate, Brystal. Their lives will never be as meaningful as those of the people who choose to love.”

The pathetic souls that do nothing but hate on C C and spread hate will never have as meaningful of a life as those that chose to love and support our boys. (Yes, Chris looked deep into his soul and the one message he wanted to share with children is how hard it is to be a CCer. Chris said “This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”  He was so worried about all the straight, middle-age women in the cc fandom that he wrote an entire book about their pain. It isn’t at all a message to kids that says “You ARE special and people who refuse to see how special you are and love you for who you are will be the losers because they will live their life without loving you” nope, this is a story ccers persavering)   

“We all know how terrible keeping a secret can feel. Secrets are like parasites, the longer you keep them inside you, the more damage they cause.”

The longer D is force to stay closeted, the more damage it does to him (Nope, this isn’t about how hard it is for kids to pretend they are someone they aren’t. It’s about how hard it is for 32 yo, $3-millon house buyer Darren Criss to hide in the closet in exchange for fame and wealth. Fuck those kids in Russia).

“If we had had everything we wanted then, we might never have found what we needed now.”

This to me feels like C is actually a little bit thankful for the bumps in the road. He’s trying to look on the bright side. If things had always been easy for them, they might have taken it for granted. Everything they’ve been through has only made them stronger. If they can get through all of this shit alive, they can make it through absolutely anything. (I don’t have enough information to know what this is referring to, but I do know without a doubt that it isn’t about ccDarren and their ccbumpy road of cclove) 

“She dreamed the fairy was repeatedly knocked to the ground by a ferocious monster in a fur coat and snowflake crown.”

The ferocious monster in a fur coat? Makes me think of another monster that wears a fur coat. Shade.  (A monster in a fur coat with a snowflake crown? It’s a literal dream, not a symbolic one. OMG this entire post is so much more ridiculous than I rememered when I read it the first time. An evil villian in a big coat and crown is a common fairytale trope.  I also believe deep in my heart that Chris would never write “This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.” and then literally bully a real person -even if she was awful). 

“You can stop pretending, Brystal. I know you’re aware of much more than you’re letting on.”

C knows that we know. He’s not living under a rock. (Again, yes, Chris was so worried about the ccers he wrote an entire book to reassure you all.  He’s just pretending it’s about LGBTQ kids and acceptance). 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I refuse to sit back and let a frosty old witch take Madame Weatherberry away from us.”

Frosty old witch= Obviously M (obviously, blech) 

“Do you guys know what your love languages are? Mine is quality time. It used to be physical touch, but that wasn’t working very well, so I had to change it. People are so picky about personal space and–”

C cherishes any quality time that he gets to have with D, since it it’s not always available. (I can’t with this one...they are getting even more embarassing ) 

“Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.”

I have this bookmarked, along with some other passages about the Snow Queen / Mrs. Weatherberry. I know that there’s /some/ significance around this, but I haven’t fully figured out exactly what all it symbolizes. I have a few ideas, but nothing really seems to line up completely to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it at some point! (How about it means that “sometimes good people do bad things” or “the end justifies the means”. The story is about a war with a bad witch and as a 14-yo heroine, this is something she would wrestle with. Not every single word is about acceptance, LGBTQ or even cc love.  Some of it is literally the words used to spin the fairytale. I can’t remmber where this was used but I presume it was when Brystol went to fight the Snow Queen).  

I think those are the big things that I’ve bookmarked. There’s so much more I could talk about, but I’m afraid it would start to not make any sense if I just started rambling, so I decided to go off of passages from the book and my thoughts on why I think they’re significant or tie into C C.

You can feel free to just keep this for yourself, or post it at a later date, or take pieces parts to post. Whatever you want!

***********************************

I know I’ve been really bad about posting on the book. I saved this submission because I thought it was brilliant and a lot of great insights.

My opinion on the Madame W/Horence/Ice Queen? C is Madame W/Ice Queen and D is Horence. I too thought frosty old queen at first referred to m. But once the twist was revealed I’m convinced it’s c and his dual personality like the twins. He is a Gemini as he likes to remind us. It’s his struggle between being happy with the love he was blessed with and his desire to destroy for the people that have so gravely hurt them. (So this isn’t a book where Chris gives his readers inspiration and hope for the future? The stories he tells about kids in Russia sharing their stories and their fear of being put to death is all a ruse so he could tell his own ADULT story of hardship? Doesn't his cclove nightmare prove that it doesn’t get better?)

This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.” 

The quote above to think about most. (Dear @ajw720, yes, because he grew up a bullied kid in a world that didn’t understand him. He was teased for being gay before he knew what the word meant. His voice was too high. He grew up in a town full of people who hate gay people. It’s really sad that you can’t see that Chris wrote a children’s story that is so obviously meant to give acceptance and support to scared, lonely kids from across the globe, many who live in places where being LGBTQ is illegal and punishable by death; many who are at risk for becoming homeless and losing their families if they tell their truth. It is a story that has NOTHING to do with romantic love. It’s written for children who are worried about more basic things like safety, shelter, and family support.  They haven’t progressed to romantic love yet. You believe that Chris felt it was important and appropriate to write a children’s story about the difficulty in his adult cclove affair? You think that Chris read letters from LGBTQ children all over the world and the ONE message he felt he should share is his own adult love affair? That the pain of his starcrossed adult love affair is a more important message than addressing the issues of basic safety for kids at risk of being homeless, beat up, jailed or even killed for being LGBTQ? You think that the lessons he’s learned in the last 10 years as a wealthy, white man in America in a committed relationship are more inspiring to children the world over than his growth and acceptance of who he was in high school and general ideas about acceptance and love? You think all those letters from kids in Russia made him worry about the cc fandom and your struggle? Only a straight woman with no ties to the LGBTQ community could ever envision such a scenario).  

Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons

That’s him talking about their Pr life and I’d guess directly addressing the fraud in NOLA. He’s believed in d and he wants us to believe in him too. (Yep, ccChris wanted to inspire kids the world over by talking about PR-because all kids can related to PR- and a wedding that doesn’t seem to bother him or have anything to do with him. ccChris is as shallow as his creator) 

#chris speaks through atom

#atom spoilers

[astargatelover]

Watching The da Vinci Code for the first time - A documentation

-  About to watch The da Vinci Code for the first time. It’s about 3AM. Back of the DVD says the movie’s almost 2h30 long. Will approximately be going to bed at about 6AM. I gotta be crazy.

- Back of the DVD also says (translated from German): In the middle of the night the (…) is (…) Langdon (TOM HANKS) in the (…) director was murdered. His (?) (…) that of the Vitruvian Man (…) is the first horrible clue (…) and symbols. At the risk of his life (something something) Langdon – and from then on it’s a normal description, it’s just that that part is obscured by the library stamp. So I can confidently say I totally know what’s going on in this movie! *serious nod*

- Third highlight of the back of the DVD: Ian McKellen, grumpy-looking monk dude and a guy looking like Palpatine. And the Louvre.

- Also in the movie: Some German I don’t know (but yay!) and Paul Bettany. He’s cool; I really liked him in A Knight’s Tale.

- Let’s get this show on the road!

- …gotta update my media player. One sec!

- There we go. …where’s the always-on-top button? Ah, found it! Light’s off in my room; cinema time.

- Music’s already nice in the menu.

- Audio: English. (More nice music.) Subtitles: (Hey, they have Turkish on offer!) Off.

- (They even have subtitles for the trailers. But no extras. Am miffed. What kind of bare-bones DVD is this?!)

- 20 minutes after the first “about” up there: Play movie.

- Fancy title cards.

- Dude running. He’s gonna die; I know that much.

- Paul!

- *sigh*

- Oooooh, it’s Robert. That’s a lot of applause.

- (Btw, in case you didn’t know: I have watched Angels & Demons because I love Ernesto Olivetti a crazy amount.)

- I like Robert. Awesome presentation.

- Also like Tom Hanks. He’s great.

- Accents, y’all.

- Latin? Latin. Italian? No, definitely Latin.

- Ouch. Self-flagellation. Ooooooouch. Some religious people are crazy.

- Dude, you can barely stand. I’m a sadist and I don’t want you doing that to you.

- We’re only 10 minutes in, my goodness.

- Claustrophobia! I relate to that.

- Just let the dude take the stairs.

- Wow.

- Priests.

- Have I mentioned I’m not a big fan of catholics? Nothing personal.

- Also: Autistic Langdon, symbology special interest.

- French.

- Sophie! Heard of her.

- Strange happenings.

- Oooooooooh.

- French lady. I don’t speak French.

- *window jump scare*

- We don’t trust the police guy.

- Conspiracies!

- Fuck.

- “Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.” He’s like Javert.

- Climb out the window?

- More French.

- Oooooooh! They’re so tricking them, aren’t they? They’re not dumb.

- Bye bye!

- I’m sorry for Sophie.

- (I saw that part where her grandfather got shot years ago.)

- Here we go with the anagrams.

- Eidetic memory (pretty much) - firms up my autism headcanon.

- Can you even get that close to the Mona Lisa irl?

- Tom Hanks has a really nice nose. xD

- Langdon’s so good with anagrams.

- It’s like a scavenger hunt.

- Ooh, Musketeer symbol.

- Chase music!

- Flashback with crazy meetings.

- A smart! I get to bop someone now.

- Ooh, Les Mis.

- Backwards! That’s impressive.

- She’s so gonna make it.

- She made it!

- Bye bye, mirror.

- Paul’s looking angry.

- Someone got stabbed. I sense guilt.

- More dead people.

- Holy water.

- A nun.

- A rose line.

- Is he gonna kill her? She seems nervous.

- MORE FRENCH.

- Red light zone.

- (It’s raining outside. Kinda sets the mood.)

- You stay away from that dude, nun.

- Saving a junkie?

- (Sophie’s a really nice name, btw.)

- He rambles when he gets the chance so much. Really reminds me of special interests. (And in case anyone takes issue with that, I should know. I’m autistic. I have them.)

- My parents just watched Knightfall. Now I know some about the templars’ fall.

- Sophie didn’t know they were supposed to protect the Holy Grail? Really? Huh.

- Moooooore French.

- Please don’t die, nun.

- That’s some scar under his eye.

- Those look like some anger issues.

- It’s the grumpy-looking monk dude.

- Seriously, I understand more Latin than French.

-  “Blood is being spilled” as he’s spilling wine, that’s great.

- Freeeeeeeeeench.

- “I don’t think he liked me very much. He once made a joke at my expense.” I relate to this guy so hard on the autism level.

- It’s the German dude.

- That’s some system they’ve got at that bank.

- You call that a rose?

- I’m with Langdon here. Safe passage?

- Aww, poor guy. I’ve got claustrophobia, too, and I haven’t even got a traumatizing event behind me. (I read that somewhere.)

- I like the driver.

- A lot. Nice one with the watch.

- Langdon, you look sick. Please don’t die, y’all.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- Poor Sophie. </3 Woah.

- How tf did that truck get there?

- That bullet. Smaaart move. *thumbs up*

- Ouch.

- Bye bye again.

- Do I like the police captain? I don’t know.

- The tea convo. xD

- Is Langdon like this in the books? I hope he is.

- How old is Sophie? *googles Audrey Tatou* (Ooh, Amélie!) *checks when movie was made* ‘bout 30.

- Yaaaaaas, Ian.

- Also please don’t die.

- (Both my faves in Angels & Demons die. I’m vorbelastet and can’t find a good English word for that.)

- Jesus was cool.

- Those helmets. Feathers!

- “Not even his nephew twice removed.” xDDD

- Is that paisley? *googles* It is. Nice!

- Just in case you’re wondering, I am typing this as I watch the movie. I’m not saying I’m not missing anything, but I like multitasking.

- *googles The last Supper* Wow, no cup.

- Genital symbols.

- Wombs open towards the ground, though. People with them aren’t constantly doing handstands.

- Have I mentioned one of my favorite movies is Dogma, which postulates that Jesus had siblings? I’m liking this conversation.

- “Companion meant spouse.” My gay ass likes this.

- If that is Mary Magdalene, though, which apostle is missing? Been wondering this for years.

- Scions. I like this.

- I’m all for sex positivity.

- Your time’s kinda running out, guys.

- Almost halfway through, now.

- Do you seriously believe they’re murderers?

- Why do you wear your police thingies like a blind man’s band?

- Was overall expecting a bit more running in this movie, I guess.

- Poor Sophie. This is a lot to take in.

- Beating someone up with crutches! Yas!

- Like, ouch.

- Do you happen to have a secret passage under your house? Would come in real handy.

- Oh, Zürich! Man, accents. Barely understood that.

- Frehehench.

- In my personal experience claustrophobic people aren’t generally fans of planes. That might just be me, though.

- Still don’t know Paul’s character’s name.

- We are leaving the country.

- That haircut. On the dude with the grumpy-looking monk.

- Does Jesus having a family beside his parents somehow make him less holy? *shrug*

- FRENCH.

- Police brutality?

- “Please”? Seriously? I understood that much and you’re a dick.

- This is, like, some Order of the White Lotus stuff.

- You need a mirror? You can’t read it otherwise? Huh. Well, I guess it’s just easier.

- I really like Lee.

- How many more ways can I angrily write French? (I don’t have anything against the language per se. I just don’t understand what they’re saying and that irks me. There aren’t even subtitles for that. I feel like there are supposed to be subtitles.)

- (It is nice, however, that they’re sticking to the languages they’d actually be speaking. I wonder if it’s all German in German.)

- Yo, police. Be more subtle. You could have laid a trap.

- “You can start with him.” Hm! xD

- “I could run them over.” !! Man, this is great.

- This is like a fucking magic trick.

- You know what, I wanna watch that again.

- The DVD did not like that, so now I get to look at the “pick scene” menu. At least there’s more nice music.

- Just out of curiosity… *checks* There are 24 chapters and I’m at the 16th.

- I can understand more French when I concentrate on it, but I’ve been too annoyed about it so far.

- Never had French at school, btw. But have a bit of a talent for languages. When it comes to those I can sometimes cobble meaning together from context and existing knowledge.

- “The French cannot be trusted”, sounds so ominous.

- As a fan of Angels & Demons, I am very interested in what the Vatican has to say about all this.

- Told ya we don’t like planes.

- Naww, Sophie. Arm pat, yas.

- How do you accidentally fall into a well feet first? Hmm…

- Saved by pigeons, wow.

- Paul’s eyes are super blue.

- Is he gonna get killed?

- What an old-ass phone.

- I’m worried about that newspaper.

- How they’re keeping the identity of the teacher secret is A+, shooting-wise.

- “Your identity shall go with me to the grave.” Did he know he was gonna die?

- Nice one!

- Is the second movie this long? *checks* Not quite.

- Seriously. Unnaturally blue eyes.

- Shoot-out.

- I can kinda see where Lee’s coming from. Don’t agree with the method, but…

- Did a shoulder-shot really kill him?

- See? Nope.

- I think I do kinda like the police captain.

- Have I mentioned my attraction to side characters?

- Oh, that tiny wound on her neck. I like the attention to detail.

- And those stained glass windows! Pretty.

- His mind! Wow.

- I wanna see this scene without music and special effects, though, to see what Sophie and Lee see. Must be pretty weird. xD

- Dramatic musiiiiic.

- Police captain coming through! Yas.

- Robert’s like “What is happening?”

- Man, those poor policemen with the screaming dude in the back of the car.

- Can’t resist a challenge, can you?

- It’s hecking dark behind that doorway.

- Can they get away with getting rid of all the villains half an hour before the movie’s over?

- Now she’s all Ghost Whisperer-like.

- I like the way it sounds when she calls him Robert.

- (Doing some more googling. Ah, it’s Leigh. I see.)

- Who are these guys? Something bad’s happening.

- Flashbacks and MORE FRENCH.

- Wonder if Robert and Sophie use the formal you in German. It wouldn’t fit.

- Sophie’s world is kinda falling apart.

- (She’s like Bethany in Dogma. Don’t know if anyone here even knows Dogma, but I love it.)

- Family reunion! Who put those onions here?

- See? Robert and I agree. Why should a family make Jesus less holy?

- I really like this friendship. I hope they’ll meet again.

- Checking if she can walk on water. xD

- Hey, it’s the Eiffel tower! And it’s playing light house.

- Blood.

- What? What is it?

- Wow.

- This music is real nice.

- 7 minutes of credits.

- Again, though: The music is nice.

[slapmeagain-blog]

COVID-19 LIFE

18 May 2020

How can it be 12 days since I last posted?  It must be the distraction of improving weather, the amount of time I am spending on the garden, and getting ready to enjoy the outdoor season: bringing all the outdoor furniture up from the basement, cleaning the porch, patio and deck, putting covers back on all the cushions, moving all the plants that have been hibernating in the sun room out of doors; ferns for the urns on the front steps, and hanging from hooks above the balustrades on the porch, potted palms next to the wooden furniture facing Pearl street.  There are the big self-watering planters filled with semi-tropicals on the deck off the sun room and the giant urns on the blue-stone patio.  New plantings in the bare spots in the flowers beds, potting a new lime tree, an on-going losing battle with crabgrass and other unworthy competitors to my lawn.  I could have a booth selling dandelion leaves for salad at the Wall Street farmer’s market on Saturday morning if I had the time.  Re-seeding bare patches under the copper beech tree and the corner near the vegetable patch, seeding herbs and greens in tiny compostable pots that have to be misted twice a day.  Cutting away dead leaves and growth from everything and moving the potted plants from beneath the living room windows to their appointed positions out of doors.  Ahh....

The weather had been so cool, damp and dreary, that I had to take matters into my own hands and say enough is enough, that it was about time we moved from bare hints of spring to full on spring mode on May 14th, mainly to keep Marco from packing his bags and moving back to Tuscany, where temperatures are already well into the high seventies and eighties.  Temperatures here rose as ordered.  We hit 80 a couple of days ago which has delayed Marco’s imminent migration.  I even enjoyed a pitcher of iced tea!

Meanwhile, in the wider world, 90,000 Americans are dead, and there have been 1,400,000 confirmed cases of the virus. 36,000,000 Americans have filed unemployment claims (Marco and I are not eligible) and armed civilian militia have overrun the Michigan state  legislature and shut down Oregon’s demanding that the governments re-open the economies. Who are these people?  They are clearly a small but vocal minority of the disparate groups of supremacists, right wing Christians, and hard line second amendment defenders who are being encouraged by the man in the white house (note to my great-grandchildren: many people in these times refuse to even speak the name of the current resident of the White House.  Something we borrowed as a form of protest from the Harry Potter novel series where people were afraid to even mention the name of the antagonist -- Voldemort.)  We’re not ‘afraid’ to mention his name, we just feel that he shouldn’t be given any form of legitimacy, not as a man, and certainly not at as a president.

Closer to home, here in Kingston, NY, a barber in a hipster-retro shop on John Street, has been cutting hair on the sly, in defiance of the shutdown, and has been diagnosed with the virus.  Officials are searching for anyone who might have had their haircut by him (eye roll). On the brighter side, Liberato (Marco’s niece's fiance was finally able to legally open his brand spanking new barber shop in San Querico (Tuscany) this week and is booked solid for two weeks -- 97 appointments.  It’s curious that the Kingston barber made international headlines.  We heard about it from as far afield as Siena (IT) and Geneva (CH, not NY!)  Most people are taking the shutdown seriously, but many are not, and it’s a very divisive topic.  One security guard was shot, in Michigan, for telling a customer to put on a mask or leave the store.  Another liquor store owner in Flint (Michigan clearly has anger management issues) was shot in the ankle for the same reason.  Many people feel that the lock down is a useless exercise, that we should just open up and get it over with.  It’s not killing as many as we thought it might, and cases have started to fall off in the worst hit places.  But the whole point was to ‘flatten the curve’ to prevent the health care system from getting overwhelmed and to protect the vulnerable.  That part has worked.  So where do you begin, and how much is enough, to get the economy started again without creating new spikes and hot-spots of the disease and risk overwhelming the hospitals?  The scientists argue that it can’t be done safely until we have tested most of the population to get a handle on how many people have already had it.  Supposedly, 60% is a magic number for ‘herd immunity,’ above which the virus will slowly die out because it can’t sustain itself in a smaller pool, but that assumes that once you’ve had it, you are immune.  The jury is still out on that.  So much information, so little reliability.  Example: Marco read in the Italian press today that the US had come up with a vaccine and was testing it.  Here, however, the medical professionals are saying we are at least a year, maybe two, away from a vaccine.  It’s no wonder people are acting crazy.  Anyone can  pretty much find someone out there who is saying exactly the thing that appeals to their fears and some of us act on those fears, with the encouragement of the 12-year old in chief, who says he is now taking hydroychloroquine, the efficacy of which is questionable and is said to have potentially harmful side effects.  A couple of months ago, a couple in Arizona took it after he touted it.  The husband died and the wife was hospitalized in serious condition.  Well, let’s hope he manages to kill or incapacitate himself soon.

That’s plenty on that topic.  I don’t know if it is because we are safely ensconced in Kingston in a big house surrounded by lawns and stone walls and flowers that I don’t feel particularly under threat by the virus.  But at the same time, I don’t feel the loss of human contact (other than with Cole, Ashe and Carter and the hugs). My time is my own, and I’m enjoying finding ways to fill it -- cooking, reading, planning for reopening my hospitality locations, gardening, studying, watching movies....  My biggest fears, really, are economic.  When this is over, what will my investments be worth, what will the townhouse in Brooklyn be worth, how will I support myself, help Marco, and leave something to my son and grand kids when I go?  Up until now those were not serious issues for me. 

 I do miss eating out in places where I know people or places where the food is particularly transcendent, but cooking at home and really investing in keeping food interesting, has been a pleasant challenge.  And as I settle in to lock down -- it’s been two months now -- I find I am seeking less amusement in martinis, mushrooms, and space cookies, and more in reading, writing, studying and cooking and actually having a schedule for those activities.  I also love the efficiency of online visual visits, both personal and for study and business.  I’m staying in closer contact with so many of my friends than I did before lockdown.  We have a call tonight at 7 p.m. with Joe and Vicki in LA which I am looking forward to, and we are doing a weekly family call on Sundays with the kids, Roy and CT in Hawaii, Maud in Brooklyn, Hedy and Firth and M and me here in Kingston.  

Hawaii, by the way, is pretty safe.  And here, in Ulster County, we’ve had fewer than 40 deaths and 1500 cases.  And considering how many people like me have fled from the city to Kingston, I’m surprised it’s not higher.  East Hampton, for example, was a hot spot because of all the rich NYC types that have homes there and left the city.  Sorry, sorry.  I promised to stop.  Times article says that wealthier neighborhoods in NYC have lost 40% of their population!  I’m so glad the kids are at our place to keep an eye on things.  And Marco’s finding a rhythm, too.  Check it out.

I finally plodded though to the end of Thomas Campanella’s book, “Brooklyn: The Once and Future City”.  It was very, very informative, even if many parts of it would be far more interesting to civic planners and architects than to casual readers, but it really did put a lot in perspective on Brooklyn’s economic and social trajectory through nearly 300 years with some interesting segues into geological formations that impact the place still today.  Sadly, as interesting and appealing a place as Brooklyn is, very little scholarly work has been done on it’s history.  Until very recently, the focus has always been on Manhattan.  It did correct a number of my own misconceptions.  Importantly, despite the fact that Robert Moses was not thrilled at the design for the proposed Dodger Stadium at the intersection of Flatbush and Atlantic Avenues, it doesn’t appear that he, on his own, could have stopped it.  Research suggests that it was the disappearing fan base (fleeing the crime-ridden city in the 50s and 60s) that made the move to LA more an economic decision than has otherwise been speculated.  And I’m no fan of Robert Moses. The study group, in the end, actually wanted to put the stadium complex in Park Slope, bordered by Sterling, Bergen, Vanderbilt and Boerum Place.  What a disaster that would have been on so many levels!!  Not the least of which would have been the United Jet that crashed in that spot in 1960. And the Weisberg’s wouldn’t have been my neighbors for 34 years because their house would have been razed.

Other non-essential slightly amusing details. Deer ‘resistant’ plants are not deer ‘proof’.  And our herd doesn’t seem to be made up of fussy eaters. So, we are frustrated by the number of our plants that are being ravaged.  Apparently, based on an internet search, Marco has discovered that piss and cayenne pepper are good home garden deer deterrents!  Well...  I am putting it to the test with a mixture of BOTH.  I’ll keep you posted on results.  (I won’t go into detail on how the mixture is obtained/prepared, interesting as it may be.)  Hungry?  Peanut butter, honey and banana -- not since I was 10 years old.  Think I’ll write a kids’ Covid cookbook!

[yasuda-yoshiya]

Thoughts on Revolutionary Girl Utena

So, as a first step in my ongoing effort to detox from 800 episodes of card games and expand my anime horizons a little, I've spent the last month or so watching Utena. Wow, what a cool and fascinating series! It honestly felt to me like a really strikingly bold and subversive show even by today's standards, let alone for the time it was made. Having had some time to think on it, here are some tentative thoughts:

While I definitely enjoyed and felt engaged with this show the whole way through, I think the last few episodes were what really pulled it all together for me. Up to that point, I absolutely loved Utena and Anthy as characters and their relationship, and found the general surreal presentation and aesthetics of the show really consistently beautiful and intriguing in a way that made it always feel engaging to watch, but it also felt like a kind of episodic and disjointed show where the various characters' stories didn't really seem to connect with or impact each other in any meaningful way.

But the endgame of the series was where it really took me by surprise in how it went so far beyond what I would have expected! The way the show had been framed up until then, I was basically expecting the big finale to be about Utena definitively making the choice to be Anthy's "prince" and rejecting the role of the "princess" that Akio wanted to push on her - and I would still have really appreciated and admired the show even for that alone, for Utena's gender non-conforming presentation and relationship with Anthy being portrayed so positively in general and for the way her feeling pressured to be more like a "normal girl" was always so explicitly framed as the "wrong choice" by the narrative - but I felt like the show really took things a step further in not just upholding Utena's role as the prince but outright rejecting the prince/princess framework and the hierarchy of the dueling game system altogether. It felt like such a daring ending to me in the way it totally breaks down and reframes the whole premise of the series up to that point, and made me look at a lot of the characters and themes of the series in a whole new light! It honestly made me realise that I'd probably been projecting my expectations of this kind of story on Anthy in much the same way as Utena had, and it made the show end up feeling really intelligent and insightful to me in its willingness not just to overturn gender role expectations on traditional romantic narratives and flip the bird to heteronormativity (which it still absolutely does, and does very well), but also to really question and criticise the assumptions behind those narratives on a fundamental level.

And the more I think about the series since then, the more I feel like so much of the series' broader imagery and themes really clicks for me in that light? The whole system of dueling over the Rose Bride feels like a very apt metaphor for the way so much of mainstream society and media does present romantic love, as a struggle to "win" your ideal partner as proof of your self-worth and as a magic cure for all your personal unhappiness and insecurities, as a sort of contest where the “losers” who can’t “get” a partner look up at the “winners” with envy and resentment - and the way Akio ultimately pulls back the curtain on that system to reveal that the ideal castle that all those people were fighting to reach was just a false image he was projecting to them to serve his own ends, that their attempts to escape their insecurities and "revolutionise the world" through winning the duels were really just upholding and reinforcing the status quo, felt really powerful to me. While I was watching the show, a lot of the side characters and their subplots had sort of frustrated me at times with their frequent emphasis on unrequited love stories that felt really obviously shallow and unhealthy, but I felt like the last few episodes really successfully reframed a lot of that to me as a remarkably perceptive commentary on just how much those kinds of empty romantic ideals and societal conventions can constrain people and warp their individual potential on a systematic scale.

In that sense, I feel like I can really appreciate the show's portrayal of how even fundamentally decent people like Miki and Saionji can be warped by the system into people willing to objectify Anthy and fight to possess her as a way of alleviating their own insecurities, even when they wouldn't have been naturally inclined to be that kind of person, through the pressure of the people around them accepting it as the norm and the false promise of the ideal happiness waiting on the other side. How people like Wakaba and Keiko can be made to believe that happiness is impossible for them and to resent the people around them for "stealing their happiness away", because everything around them has led them to the subconscious belief that the only "happiness" out there is being noticed by a popular guy like Touga or Saionji. Even Utena, the one who most explicitly rejects the dueling system and specifically sets out to treat Anthy as a real person with her own autonomy, still ends up unconsciously projecting her own ideals on her and playing into the established system in the ways she goes about being her "prince", because the influence of those flawed ideals and norms is so deep and pervasive that it's almost impossible not to internalise some of it.

It feels like something I can definitely relate to as someone who absolutely did buy into a lot of that crap as a teenager and seriously hurt other people as a result - and while I did eventually manage to break out and see the toxicity of the system for what it was, it's also horribly easy for me to see how easy it must be for people to stay constrained by it and live out their whole lives without "breaking the world's shell", without even realising how the toxic assumptions they've inherited from "the world" are killing them and distorting the ways they interact with other people - how their attempts at escaping from their insecurities are hurting themselves and others, and ultimately just perpetuating the same system that's strangling them. Akio is a horrifying villain because the ways he insidiously manipulates and influences the people around him feel absolutely real - he's able to play to people's vulnerabilities and unexamined assumptions, to make them follow along with his script while keeping them always genuinely believing that they're making their own independent decisions and fighting for their own happiness and fulfilment. It's very hard to fight something that embeds itself on such a deep and unconscious level in people's basic assumptions and frameworks for viewing themselves and the world, where people don’t even see the ways it’s influencing them.

But I think Utena's ending feels very honest and hopeful in acknowledging that, while the system can't really be defeated or destroyed by individual people in any meaningful way, what people CAN do is make the decision to step outside it and not allow it to have power over them - and, hopefully, to inspire other people to be able to make that choice for themselves too. That part towards the end of the film where the other student council members came to the rescue and helped Utena and Anthy escape, wishing them well in the outside world - "We still haven't found our own way out yet, but we'll definitely get there some day" - honestly made me tear up a little! It really communicated a strong sense of hope to me in the idea that these kids might have made a lot of mistakes and still have a lot of growing up to do, but it's still possible for them to break free from Ohtori and everything it represents the same way Utena and Anthy did - that the present doesn't have to keep following the way of the past. It’s still possible for the next generation to escape it and leave it behind. The whole imagery around the film's ending - "it may be a world without roads, but we can build them" - felt really uplifting and beautiful to me as well; as ridiculously bizarre and surreal as the film was in a lot of ways, it felt like it capped off the series' themes really nicely.

All in all, I ended up feeling really fulfilled and satisfied with this show! It feels like a very deliberate series that's extremely conscious of everything it wants to do, and generally executes it well. I would say I probably didn’t really connect with a lot of the individual character arcs on a particularly deep level - Juri's resolution with that one guy who popped in completely out of nowhere felt particularly odd to me, and I wasn't a huge fan of Nanami or Touga either - but I think it really nailed the bigger picture in terms of its thematic project and the ideas it wanted to convey, and on the whole I feel like I just have a huge amount of respect for the things it had to say and the way it went about saying them. The whole imagery of the setting with the school as an isolated, self-contained world with its inhabitants unknowingly being overseen and controlled by Akio from his tower as "the highest place in this world" really feels like such a strong and vivid metaphor to me, and I honestly felt really impressed with just how perceptively and accurately the show manages to portray the subtleties of the various ways social and patriarchal pressures really do operate on people (and on young teenagers who are still figuring out how love and relationships work in particular). It's weird to say about such a surreal and often goofy series, but I honestly feel like I haven't seen a story that approaches those kinds of subjects with this kind of clarity, and I feel like this show's framework has honestly helped me to reexamine and better understand a lot of my own messy teenage experiences as well. Definitely a show whose whole feels like more than the sum of its parts for me, I think, and one that I expect is going to stick with me for quite some time!

[go-diane-winchester]

Why is Misha the measure of morality for SPN fans?

Doll face sent me this.  It seems infantile to disassociate yourself from people, just because they cant stand your favorite actor, even though, they might be nice people.  How is Misha the measure of morality for his fan base?  Why is it that even if you are an absolutely good human being, you must be shunned if you don't like Misha?  Not being a Misha fan, nullifies all the good traits that you may possess.  I have theorized that Misha's fanbase of hellerminions are actually like cult devotees.  I did a post of Misha's character.  The man exudes a type of charisma that attracts only certain weak personality types.  He doesn't attract the attention of most sensible fans.  Just the weak few.  And, by weak, I mean socially and intellectually weak.  I dealt with cultee characteristics in another post and how these characteristics correspond with hellerminions and their blind devotion.  He and his entire fan base, behave like a well-oiled machine whose soul purpose seems to be to boost his status. 

If the fan base is a cult, what type of cult is it?

It would be a cult of personality.  This type of cult is rooted in a belief that reflects the charismatic personality and interests and proclivities of the revered leader.  The whole point of Misha's cult is Misha himself.  He is the glue that adheres them to each other.  Cults of personality tend to revolve around a particular theme or interest.  For the hellerminion cult, Gishwhes, Random Acts and Destiel come to mind.  Gish is done, like a ritual every year, and destiel is used to fly the flag of the moral high ground.  Shipping it, makes you a good human being.  Have you noticed how non-shipper minions are still destiel positive.  They almost never fight each other over shipping or even tinhatting.  As long as something keeps Misha relevant, they are fine with it. 

How does the hellerminion cult work?

It works like any other cult.  It has a four tier power structure. 

Misha the leader:

Misha has, over the past ten years, established an emotional bond with his fan base, based on how sympathetic he can make them feel toward him and how much respect he can generate from them, for being an ''out-of-place weirdo'' who succeeded.  This puts him in a position of authority, where he is ''knowledgeable'' because he ''lived the hard life of a have-not loser'' and therefore knows ''how it feels''.  He can advise them on how to deal with the pain of ostracization.  He can also advice them on how to ''never give up'' and ''hang in there'', because you will succeed if you just ''be confident in your uniqueness''.   

Transcendent  belief system:

This is the overarching ideology that governs the thoughts and actions of the cult.  In the case of the hellerminion fan base, the ideology is ''Misha's success is our success, so we must always prioritize Misha''.  So they

will vote for him to win an award using various dummy accounts,

attack anyone online who dares to say anything remotely critical of Misha,

threaten to kill Jensen if Jensen refuses what Misha advocates sexually,

threaten to kill people who are not fans of Misha,

demand equal status for him from CW,

demand that he gets more episodes and screen time,

System of control:

This is a the code of conduct by which the cult operates.  They are rules and regulations that every one of the devotees follow and it has to do with how they are allowed to think.  Have you ever noticed how the hellerminions react in the same way to a scene?  They also tend to get offended for exactly the same reasons and lash out in exactly the same manner.  The online attacks are always synchronized.  They all misinterpret a scene in the same overreaching manner.  Amongst non-Misha SPN fans, there are disagreements regarding actors and scenes.  That is how a normal social group works.  People will disagree on certain issues and points from time to time.  But amongst the cultees there is no division in their thinking.  They are almost robotic is their homogeneous reactions to any external stimuli.  If the stimuli is Misha related, they all react.  If the stimuli is ship related, the hellers will react but the minions remain silent.  They don't fight the hellers for shipping. 

System of influence:

How come all of the hellerminions know how to react?  This is because there is a hierarchy in place that influences the thoughts, opinions and understandings of the cult members.  Misha, the apex of this pyramid, announces all the big rules and regulations by himself.  This may be with regards to shipping, Gish, YANA and Random Acts.  For smaller things there are journalists and influencers who disseminate information.  These are people like Emily Cleghorn [Twitter], Sarah Burnhope [UK], Natalie Fisher [Hypable] and Melanie Adeline [Instagram].    Misha's cult relies on these people.  These people have become very influential, so much so that the other cultees look up to them.  My jaw dropped when I read this:

Reading this, you would think she is one of the stars on the panel, but no.  She is a fan.  Because she knows Misha Collins personally, she is now of great importance.  Everyone Misha touches ''turns to gold''.  He has the Midas touch.  Look at the side panel of enthusiastic responses.  Her fans are ecstatic. 

From Bob Singer to the hellerminions, everyone behaves very oddly when it comes to Misha.  Things that could get Jensen and Jared in trouble, Misha is allowed to get away with.  Misha has no reason to be on the show, but despite being an unusable actor, he is given a chance to stay on board and collect a pay cheque.  This is because Castiel is the mechanism that powers Gish, Random Acts, YANA and any other endeavor Misha may have.  He irritates writers and NASA for his Gish stunts.  He makes claims about Jensen's character and speaks with regards to Jensen's wife is a sexually inappropriate manner and still manages to keep his fans.  The only thing that can explain this, is the cult hierarchy, with its influencers in place, working its magic to keep hellerminions on Misha's side. 

A summary [added at the request of a reader for long posts]:

Misha is a measure of a morality for hellerminions.

Misha is like a cult leader and his fan base are like devotees.

His cult could be categorized as a cult of personality.

The cult's purpose is to keep Misha relevant and important. 

Misha has a network of journalists and influencers who help him to keep the rest of the devotees in check. 

Citation:

http://cultresearch.org/cults-today-new-social-psychological-perspective/

Excuse any typos.  Thank you.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E15 (Apr 24, 2018)

Hello hello hello! As @eponymous-rose​ is away doing Important Science, I’m covering TM recap duty tonight! Tonight’s guests: Marisha & Liam. Tonight’s announcements: 

This Saturday is International Tabletop Day! G&S is running special programming all day to celebrate.

VM Origins #6 is out at all available online comic retailers. The final touches are being placed on the comic collected edition; details to be released soon!

Wednesday Club airs tomorrow at 7pm PST.

826LA hit the $35,000 reward tier this week! This means Matt will be hosting another Fireside Chat soon. (Liam reveals that the vintage robe & a tiger ring Matt wore in the last chat were gifts from him after a certain jazz-hands-related event in the last campaign.) As a reminder, all donations are doubled up to $40,000 thanks to a generous critter matching donations. 

Pillars of Eternity is out in two weeks! Reminder that the characters of VM will be playable as voice sets in this campaign; the new portrait art for Vax was released this week. Check it out at versusevil.com/criticalrole! Liam extols Travis’s voice acting and the “finesse” in his performance and hopes that fans will be very happy with it.

Reminder: Dani Carr hosts Critical Role Recaps every week. 

CR Stats for Episode 15

48 natural ones this campaign so far ($4800 from D&D Beyond to 826LA!)

67 natural 20s so far, even without a Lucky rogue!

Over both campaigns & 51 initiative rolls, Ashley averages only 9.5 on her initiative rolls. :( However, she’ll be on Talks next week! Yay!

Beau is super into working for the Gentleman right now. As long as she makes friends in high places, she’s happy (in part because she knows they won’t last long). 

Liam doesn’t miss trap duty at all. (He’s enjoying being a screw-up wizard.) That said, he still enjoys watching Sam bring his magic touch to his old class. 

Beau fundamentally trusts that people will always act in their own self-interest, which is why she told Jester to take care of herself first. To Beau, selfishness & survival are synonymous--most people want to make sure they aren’t going to get caught or killed. That’s how she can trust untrustworthy people to work for the good of the group, and why she thought Caleb & Nott needed to be part of a bigger conversation.

Sam, of course, very briefly FaceTimes into the show with the knowledge that Liam called him a comedic genius. He wishes everyone to know that this is accurate, does a remarkable Howdy Doody impression, and leaves.

Caleb didn’t have any experience with the Zone of Truth spell before and paid close attention while it was being cast, but “nobody asked him any questions, so I guess it’s fine.” 

Caleb’s one-on-one with the DM hasn’t changed his playstyle or character interpretation yet, since it didn’t reveal anything significant. He does think it might have given Caleb a mildly different outlook on certain things/his mood a little bit, but no fundamental shifts yet. Beau’s one-on-one shifted her perspective a lot--she doesn’t respect authority at all, so being put in her place was a good check on her personality & took the edge off her wrecking-ball habits. Both Marisha & Brian talk about respecting someone willing to call them out on their crap.

Gif of the Week: this glorious thing by @scottc_miller on twitter. Poor everyone. Poor drunk Nott.

Beau is officially warming up to Molly. Awwww, my heart. “I don’t know if Molly’s warming up to Beau, but...” Brian: “Self-preservation, guilty until proven innocent...an optimist!”

Molly’s amnesia reveal hasn’t really changed Caleb’s opinion of him. He does trust that Molly told the truth within the Zone’s context, but he knows that may not be the whole truth. The only person who’s changed in Caleb’s estimation is actually Beau; Liam talks about a low score he rolled on an arcana check on the magical symbols, which Beau surpassed, and in the moment Caleb realized that meant Beau must have had some formal schooling. “A little checkmark went ‘boop!’ in a box.”

Beau is aware of her own terrible flirting with women, & Marisha references Beau’s strong preference to be in charge in her interactions. Marisha also talks about some of her Meisner acting classes/acting methods in how scenes are structured and it’s actually really, really cool. Liam segues into his first week in NYU at his very first voice acting class where they laid on the floor and did “pelvic thrusts” to loosen the diaphragm. Marisha recalls her college voice acting teacher telling her she was terrible and shouldn’t pursue voice acting because she spoke from the back of her throat. 

All of Caleb’s spells have been selected for RP reasons over functionality/utility. Liam knows it’s not the most optimal build &, as might be expected, doesn’t care in the slightest. You go, boo.

Liam and Marisha giggle over fighting such a classic old-school monster as a gelatinous cube. Liam honestly wishes Frumpkin could have been dissolved; Caleb emphatically does not. Marisha remembers finding the old cube mini with Matt which could be opened up so other minis could fit inside, and they sat in their living room for some time putting minis inside it. The pair that slays together stays together. Liam also remembers a Comic Con that had light-up gelatinous cube minis which he attended riiiiight after meeting Marisha. 

Fanart of the Week: this by @sephiramy! Look at how good everyone looks, awwww. 

Liam jokes that he personally excluded Quebec from the giveaways and it’s inexplicably hilarious, especially given Matt’s apologies for it on the regular show.

Beau’s hand going numb on the cube attack didn’t phase her at all; she’s still in the “adolescent” phase where she isn’t afraid of any bad things that might happen to her.

In re: screwing the DM with in-universe D&D choices: “Path of the Duck for the fuck.” 

When it comes to HP management, the rest of the party is trying to make sure they can get people up when they’re down, especially since Jester canonically dislikes healing. Marisha reflects on the last campaign where she & Sam often filled the blanks around Ashley’s healing, and feels everyone’s trying to fill a similar role now. Liam and Marisha would ideally like another healer, but neither Beau nor Caleb are paying much attention to maintaining a balanced party comp. 

The cat’s paw version of Caleb’s spell was always planned given his attachment to Frumpkin.

Liam talks about pre-stream puzzles from campaign one, including a complicated hydraulic puzzle that Taliesin’s dragonborn paladin sidestepped with one brute force elbow. He also remembers a child’s square puzzle that took “a group of adults an embarrassing time to solve.” 

Cast- and staff-wide digression into puzzle-shaming Gandalf for flunking the Moria door riddle. Gandalf the Grey--more like Gandalf the Bad at Riddles, amirite

Beau’s ability to solve the magic puzzle feels to Marisha like the lessons your dad makes you learn as a kid, even though you never think you’ll use them--(such as being made to learn to change your own oil despite thinking you’ll always use AutoZone), but then you end up using the skill later on and resent it the whole time. 

Caleb’s increased participation in discussions lately is an intentional choice on Liam’s part. 

Beau’s improvement in dealing with the rest of the M9 is due to her becoming more comfortable with them.

Caleb recognizes Fjord’s arcane power, but doesn’t question it at all due to the magical nature of their world. (Neither Liam nor Caleb trusts Fjord to be neutral good: “He spat saltwater out!”)

Marisha makes a great point about how everyone in a D&D party is by definition magical and special, but everyone in the M9 right now feels like they’re still discovering what that means. Liam points out that VM very much felt like strong, special people with greatness thrust upon them; M9 feels like a troupe of random carnies. 

Marisha on why she’s playing a human in D&D when so many possibilities exist: “Some people like playing ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances.” She likes going from an all-powerful half-elven archdruid prodigy to a schmo who can just punch things really hard. 

While discussing impostor syndrome, Brian quotes David Milch: “So much of the accomplishment in art comes not from the discovery of one’s gift but from its acceptance.” He likes that the leveling system supports the slow growth of a character in an RP sense and allows the character to learn and accept his or her strengths. He likes that it’s not straight escapism, it’s the combination of one foot in reality and one foot in fantasy.

Liam points out that since their group is very theater- and story-driven, they often use the leveling process to support story choices and character growth over class optimization. Marisha relates it back to the choices in Disney movies, where sometimes the protagonist discovers their innate power & embraces it in order to succeed, vs. where sometimes a protagonist must overcome an innate feature and rise above it in order to succeed. She loves that dichotomy. (Brian feels Scanlan represented similar principles in the last campaign.)

Liam’s favorite moment of the last episode was Sam’s small drunk goblin irritation. 

In re: the rising from the floor at the end of the last episode, Liam hopes there’s a way to talk their way out of any upcoming fight, since Caleb’s pretty tapped. Beau: “This is fine.”

After Dark: I Know What You Did Last Summer Edition

On transferring from the relationship between Vax & Keyleth to Caleb & Beau--both Liam & Marisha have had some disputes about everything that went down in the High Richter’s house. Marisha: “I wouldn’t use the word ‘disputes.’” Liam: “What would you use?” Marisha: “...Clarifications?” They both are struggling with how much their in- and out-of-game relationships have changed over the course of the two campaigns. 

The crew photoshops Liam’s hairy V-necked chest onto Marisha live. What even. How.

Marisha does miss some things about spellcasting, but enjoys watching everyone else struggle with concentration checks and saving throws. 

Liam and Marisha both enjoy building characters and then assigning the classes that fit their story, instead of deciding what class to play first & building a character to that.

Brief aside where both Marisha (not Beau) & Caleb (not Liam) talk about how much they love Jester. 

Liam discusses in- and out-of-player knowledge when it comes to Fjord. Liam knows there’s an eldritch horror behind him, but Caleb has no clue. Marisha sees him as the altrustic half-leader who’s hiding a lot. Liam hypothesizes that someone was about to die, and Fjord saved whoever it was by offering himself to Cthulu. Liam doesn’t think Fjord is good-aligned. Marisha doesn’t trust his smarts. 

Marisha tells a story about Taliesin’s hair at C2E2. They were doing group photos when a family with a little girl came up who asked Taliesin his favorite hair color. He answered “I’m really into the peacock fade with the blue and the fade into green and the purple and the emerald,” and the poor girl was a little overwhelmed. (Marisha once answered her second-grade teacher’s question about her favorite color as “iridescent” and feels the teacher was more impressed with her vocabulary than her color choice.)

If they were pulled into Exandria today, Marisha would like to be a wild magic sorcerer or a paladin; Liam would be a wizard. 

If the M9 were stuck in a cavern with no food, Marisha would eat Fjord first since he’s probably already a little salted. 

Beau’s martial artistry is inspired by Ip Man. 

Liam steps out for a moment after a coughing fit, then returns in order to stand very, very close to Brian. Close enough that Brian’s ear rests on Liam’s stomach. Close enough that Marisha feels left out and both of them cuddle on Brian’s lap to end the show. I’m glad I’m not kidding. 

See you Thursday!

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup                      Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan     12:00pm            BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse     12:00pm        ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

  Tennessee Tech at Tennessee   12:00pm    ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt     12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia     12:00pm    FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple        12:00pm     ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky         12:00pm     ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana           12:00pm            ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo    12:00pm      ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL)     12:00pm    ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma         12:00pm         FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M     12:00pm       SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army                 12:00pm         CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri      12:00pm       ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado            1:00pm         P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State          2:05pm          ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame         2:30pm          NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa                 3:30pm         BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest     3:30pm         ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson        3:30pm          ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas                    3:30pm             ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida           3:30pm           CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State                3:30pm            FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech             3:30pm         CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio)                    3:30pm          ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State         3:30pm            FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State                3:30pm           P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron                           3:30pm           ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State          3:30pm           ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers                   3:30pm             BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass         3:30pm          FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo              4:00pm           ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California    4:00pm          P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke              4:00pm              ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis        4:00pm          ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas       4:00pm      SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming                  4:00pm             Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington       4:15pm            P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green       5:00pm           ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall                 6:00pm         Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic             6:00pm             ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty                    6:00pm           ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA                6:00pm          ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss                        7:00pm             ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston               7:00pm             ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State                      7:00pm            CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia               7:00pm             ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State                             7:00pm              ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State                 7:00pm              ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech                              7:00pm             ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF                           7:00pm             ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State                          7:30pm            RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force                     7:30pm             FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina             7:30pm             ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon                   7:30pm            P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas                          7:30pm           Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU                  7:30pm             SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State               7:30pm            ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama          8:00pm           ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas                                      8:00pm            LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt                        8:00pm           ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi                      8:00pm              ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM                         8:00pm              ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State            8:00pm           FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State              9:00pm          FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona                  10:00pm          P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU                     10:15pm          ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV                           10:30pm           CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA                       10:45pm            P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii                      12:30am            FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

[curious-minx]

Tiffany’s Wastrel

The following short story is based loosely on the above tweet. Enjoy.

Tiffany is acquiring a taste for wastrels.

Especially for the ones with trellises and coiffed, pressed curls.

She pushes past her usual coterie of bleach blonde maniacs and born again divas that once crowded up her equally spacious and collapsing studio upper crust loft. 

She envisions herself intentionally choking upon a rice cracker alone and saving herself at the last moment. Delicious!

Would you like a duel? Asks the phlegmy ancient frenchie that is poking through her front door. 

“Excuse me?” Tiffany makes sure she stares the fellow down and then quickly looks away depleted from having to sustain so much direct eye contact. 

Pip the ancient frenchie takes a swig out of a small ginger tonic he keeps strapped to his chest with a bandolier of tonics, “I repeat: would you like some gruel?! Tiffany you’ve got to catch up or else the entire team is going to march on off without you! How would you like to be cast out into a Tin Pan Alley without even a cockatoo to your name? Sure, you’re somewhat of a real classic Tenner, but  let’s not kid yourself your face has too many obvious  tells to be truly beautiful. Don’t fret though because everyone is really and truly ugly inside and out.” 

Another grotesque elderly lothario, Pip Levant, that frequently sloshes onto the elm shores of bookstore aisles on bad days waiting to go full blown Nabokov on anyone carrying the sweatiest perfumed glimpse of college. Pip had accrued a beggar’s banquet worth of bad habits when it came to Tisch students.  Tiffany has started recording these encounters and using the audio of these captured harassments  as a soundtrack to her fabulous revelry. Let Tiffany have her revelry you dirty old septic tank of a man. You look less like a man and more like a fox that Bryan Ferry has sought to personally catch and skin intoxicated by velvet clad hand. Tiffany has been preparing a launching off for a TV pilot point for her Elder Abuse-O-Rama daily streaming feed that has gotten over 150,000,000 views mostly by smoking children too tough for to be coaxed onto the factory scene. They have jail broken Fortnite and are capable of thrusting stock markets into disarray, but they are eyeballs and eyeballs click. 

Violence is not the answer, but it is the Design. How long has Tiffany started each day emerging from her clamshell bed muttering that stormy relegation? Stretch and and get a feel of today’s wastrel, they are a slender tomboy dressed in leisure wear the color of Haden mangoes and she is amusing herself with a possibly tasteless bit of Tulvan throat singing , worse of all possibly in an attempt to win over Tiffany by her biggest weakness: amusement. Sometimes all you can do with a wastrel like this is give a courtesy curtsey and bid the wastrel adieu. Locked out of her own apartment Tiffany begins to roam the streets of Roman Solitude Retreat Center which has become the size of its own municipality or at least triple the usual sitcom set. Tiffany remembers the last line she had on a Mainstream Cranial Transmission, “Molly Trapped in The Polygon Mall.” Paid in sleek blue cash and she kept it all inside of her fanatical sister’s private banking system where all  of her family funds are stashed away in inside the family compound’s  intricate false rec room. Tiffany can’t remember this wastrel’s name so she hopes if she ignores them for long enough that they’ll do her a solid and dematerialize. Sometimes she breaks out a full on stoic fetal position wrapped around her blanket sarcophagus that was going to buried underneath her family’s shopping mall, a real brick and cement complex which wasn’t at all like the false duplicate mall her family had on loan in Dubai. How much does a personality cost? 

Tiffany is a breath away from answering her own fecund rhetorical when she espies that nearly an entire day has been spent hibernating, oh what a satisfying state, and one that Tiffany prides herself on mastering by constantly tapping into her surrounding ether and stern mental gymnastics. She’s had her fair share of unbelievers. Her train of thought is waylaid by the wrapped in Satanic strawberry gift wrapping prominently displayed on her kitchen vanity. She tears into the gift with a Skipper butterfly knife. Wow, more soap Tiffany wants to say aloud but she is saving her voice for a jump scare, hoping that this will be the present that finally kills me. Tiffany unwraps and palms the cantaloupe-n-Licorice scented goat oat milk soap bar, and of course, there is also another bathing cap. When did all of Tiffany’s dates start insisting that she start wearing a bathing cap  for every tryst? Stretching out her hunched wallflower posture into a oblique fortune five hundred pantheress  with a vision, always ready to abort any given mission. Looks like all of the freelance work wriggled itself out of the hall of self congratulating mirrors and shriveled up into the sheen of dust it has always been. There’s a problem with having a surplus of disposable income and it’s one of the many in her personal Anti-pride parade stampeding issues that Tiffany is dealing with, better than most. Ho hum. 

Another day in the life. 

Wait a sec, Tiffany realizes that she fell for one of the many FALSE STARTS that have been rampaging her apartment building. FALSE STARTS  of days  spent as an ode to lovemaking; days dedicated to laundry folding; waking up pregnant with someone else’s paranoia; burning down your house and the rest of the complex being a rare but sought after FALSE START, but other FALSE STARTS are convinced that the other one is openly putting a Welsh mobster hit out on the other. Is it possible to take a hit out on a photo wonders Tiffany? Specifically, the one she keeps in her walk way inside an empty bombed out hospital in Malta. Other such snapshots of daily life were also tormenting the rest of Tiffany’s entire building, surely you can sage that sort of thing away? Tiffany’s FALSE START looks like a pinwheel sprouting out of the rusty smoldering eternally damp spot on her apartment’s bedroom ceiling. Tiffany braces herself, lunge stretches, swaddles a Ninja tailored hijab across her head that suctions itself to her skull. Air circulates into the lungs, but the exhalations are filtered out and even cleaner than before. She has gotten a job as a weather presenter for a fetish enthusiast video game streamer who always has extraneous content for the fans. The unironic straight faced weather reporter portrayed by a youthful female that looks slightly unreal. Tiffany massages her smile dimples and manages to tilt her eyes in every conceivable expression; the main pre-show exercise she has been doing for a good decade now. 

////

Back on the set of one of her first jobs as a substitute “Older Sister” or throwaway Kooky Aunt for FACSIMILE FAMILIES INC. Her fictional father, Kale a method actor Pacific Island Man with incredibly bright fiery orange hair and glow in the dark freckles that made him constantly functioning at low-grade irritability. Whenever the real families were asleep Kale would creep into Tiffany’s attic room wearing a flowing night gown and a cigarette stained fuzzy robe. He would mutter all sorts of things never actually going inside of her room but just suspended in air on the ladder leading into the attic. One such muttering exchange  sticks out in Tiffany’s imaginings: 

A decade spent in this town and even the most alpha Fool gets thrown out for a newer model. Thankfully that won’t happen to you. 

“Why not? “ Tiffany asks fully knowing the answer. 

Tiffany you’re too much risky business. Something is always fussing around you. You’re gonna be fine, especially when you’re not.

Back on set living the life of a fictional family member Tiffany cradled a special hated in her heart for whenever Kale was being cute, and she was readying to go and take notes of the other crew members smoking and getting union benefits. Then Kale made his average frame appear more layered and enlarged by holding his breath only in certain parts of his body. Complete control is but a mere fragment of the whole this Entertainment Business requires. Spanking the imaginary neighbor too hard on a playdate is the only scenario Kale ever really got to act in and Tiffany never bothered to stay in touch, but the Fake Dad was right, there is something fussing around me. Tiffany flashes a tight knit smile and she grabs a magic eight ball and swinging winged bat, a cold transfused powder steel baby blue and jostles open one of the house’s many front facing windows. Without even looking Tiffany reaches into the umbrella stand pale containing a rough and splintered baseball bat. With one crack of that bat she cleanly smashes a drone out of the sky, the machine putters and sputters lamely crashing down into a private nude beach. .Another one of her secret garden variety admirers keeping an ever watchful eye?  There are only so many drones you can cause crashing down out of the sky before you’ve got to pay back an obnoxious fees and fines. Community service is even enforced with classes to drone building classes sprouting up all over the country. The real family grew tired of Tiffany attracting so much attention of making their family feel too mythopoetic. Tiffany could handle getting fired from all sorts of jobs and she was maybe most thankful for being terminated for this one. She was starting to grow too fond of portraying Laurel Tallow daughter of Kale and Whisper Tallow. You have to always be able to find yourself. 

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A sickly fresh out of college bird man, a Gentleman Finch, is greasing up his feathers with Tokyo milk and sebum outside of Tiffany’s apartment building, checking his reflection in the empty koi pond. The Gentleman Finch Using the abandoned walker as a prop to imagine getting old with Tiffany, but then smashing it up and fluttering away with merciful glee. He must have been circling the block for at least half an hour but he hid his agitation well when he greets Tiffany. 

Oh, great, not another wastrel. Tiffany  lifts the bird boy up by his scruffy lapel and shoves him towards the community bathing center that has been closed since Tiffany moved in for constant reupholstering and fumigation. There is even an over eager exhibitionist elderly nudist. He is reciting the history of the Roman Empire by memory and coaxes the bird man child into the pool who falls in first flustered, and then he wheezes his bony little chest into a doggy paddle. He doesn’t even seem to care that his tweed suit is irreparably damaged. 

Tiffany is acquiring a taste for privacy. She no longer traps her thoughts and misabelq them in jars. She is taking this time for herself. She is going to finally learn how to play the saxophone and be her own musical support on her own talk show. Sure, there are too many talk shows right now and it is a dying form of disposable industry, but you have your dreams and leave Tiffany with hers. Tiffany draws up a frothy absurdist escapist bath that is overflowing the entire apartment building. All of the FALSE STARTS are splashing about and pretending to be water nymphs in a manner eerily similar to when Tiffany tripped on acid at the Washington Yearning Yeti festival. Tiffany calls out to one her many readjustable neighbors: Hazel the Terrible, Lorne and Sade the lovers that always setting off alarms of their own agony and ecstasy, Father Pennyweather the convicted child molesting Catholic Priest with an expansive TinTin collection and was weaving a TinTin a Day tapestry in the building’s lobby, and even entire dozen of rude Yuzu family children were nowhere to be seen and no one bothers answering any of her calling out. 

Pip is on an island of other people’s belongings and debris, stroking Hazel the Terrible’s dirty snow colored Pomeranian who is upsettingly sedate in Pip’s hairy arms. The Gentleman Finch offers a wing to Tiffany, he is out of breath despite flapping because his life depending on it. Tiffany shrugs him away and hops onto the back the Last Great American Whale, she is smoking a pipe, and she is exactly the kind of life model a woman could hope to find in these canceled times. The Last Great American Whale sings

I’ve watched my best brothers and sisters become bulimic because of arrogant Jonahs 

Festoon your sharpest harpoons with my blubber because I’m going splashing

There’s a washed up Actor finding her way in the world and I am not her taxi 

Nor am I her Mustang Sally, but nonetheless she shall Ride these waves with me

How about the Palisades?

Tiffany attempts to warble, “Suits me just fine,” but the Last American Whale sighs and gives Tiffany the silent treatment for the rest of the ride. Tiffany is deposited off on a cliff where she is free to dangle her feet over brackish crashing water. Down below idling in the Hudson is the same tomboy wastrel from earlier operating a steel sail boat. The ship’s sail  is designed with a print of Tiffany’s shadowed eyes and Tiffany has no choice but to be kind of impress. The tomboy aims a cannon and fires out a parachute at Tiffany with fairly clunky but legible instructions and descends onto her craft. 

I was hoping that you’d be wearing your new bathing cap.

“I bet you would. Listen, you’re perfectly cute in a droopy eyed Shelley Duvall kind of way but I’m not really that interested in having a relationship right now.”

Fine by me. Just so you know this ship is not meant to travel far and I can only get you back onto the New York side. Is that where you want to go?

“I do think of you as a mighty great acquaintance…” Tiffany holds waiting for the tomboy’s name to occur to her, but the tomboy simply stares at her, smiles and nods. “New York is the last place in the world I want to go, but it is where I must. The planet has been divided and conquered by the anointed media conglomerates and they want me back there….I want to say…Rikki.”

Glad you finally remembered.

“Whew so your name is Rikki? It’s certainly...spunky.”

No, but I’ll take it. I’ll wait and see how long it takes for you to guess my name right. The longer you take the bigger your prize. I’m going to port in Vermont, maybe Montreal if this old tin bitch can handle it. 

“Canada. You know, I’ve always loved Canada. Joni Mitchell, Destroyer, Mark McKinney, what a country.”

They’ll probably deport you, but you can stay with me as long as you like or I can at least help get you sit up with a new place. 

And with that the two women with no chemistry and a flaky friendship pointed and directed wind machines into the masts of Rikki(?)’s sail boat, which despite being weighed down by ostentatious steel was beginning a glide up the Hudson. Tiffany kicks herself when she realizes that she has agreed to this nautical voyage without having packed anything other than what she is wearing, but then The Gentleman Finch comes back up over the horizon lugging up one of Tiffany’s antiquate trunk suitcases big enough to fit at least one coastal traveling magician’s circuit worth of belongings, the trunk lands with a gentle thud onto the ship nearly causing the entire vessel to sink. Tiffany has to quickly go through her belongings and sacrifice a flank of wardrobe and two forty pound sacks of floral loose tea leaves that make one’s complexion clear and the glow of living in the present, she still had three more but it still did not diminish the weight of the sacrifice the Hudson is in a state of shock with the weight of so much style and sophistication. 

A sea mammal somewhere between a manatee and a bipedal seal with flippers with thumb like protrusions catches flipperfulls of garments, and on a slippery jutting rock begins trying on some of Tiffany’s more scandalous Hudson offerings and is stuffing the rest of the clothes inside of  a repurposed fisherman’s net. A gal can always afford to be thrifty. Rikki(?)’s sail boat regains momentum with the assistance of the loud and careening wind machines that Rikki silently with the same expression somewhere between a hesitant grimace and surgeon’s gleeful bad diagnosis. Tiffany reminds herself that this is all temporary. Even newer Jerseys and future minted Yorks will colonize and fetishize even taller metropolises, or better yet retrograde back into a state of complete wilderness. Suits Tiffany mighty fine because she’ll just be using the timber of said wilderness to fashion herself her own Desk. The tinier, aerodynamic and all-encompassing the better. The swaying undercarriage of the steely ship rocks Tiffany into a glimpse of a doze, trying to keep one eye open, trying to not get taken advantage, trying to not appear to be trying. 

The Canadian Border approaches. Nevermind, that’s just the Catskills.