#hate depression and lack of self worth? try this!

[chloe-the-troublemaker]

“Keep your head up and move forward. Stop dwelling on your sh!t from the past and focus on the bigger sh!t that actually matters.”

-Zane Beil

[atlantahammy]

Yeeep.. that's an anxiety/panic attack... fuck, i see how my day is gonna go...

...I don't want to cry anymore.

[satans-knitwear]

What's causing the Big Sad for you? Talking about it could help.

Unfortunately its just shitty brain chemistry for me. I have no reason for sad to be so overwhelming.

[etherylelixyr]

Fucccckkkkk (the feels man)

[kquil]

POLY MARAUDERS | HEROES IN TATTOOS PRT.6

06 : SELFISH DESIRES

SUM : it's your chance to make amends and push aside your selfish desires - your heart will ache but they're worth it 

TAGS. : modern au ; muggle au ; tattoo artist james potter ; piercer remus lupin ; angst ; idiots in love ; unexpected turn of events ; sirius is the main character here ; jk jk ; it's you~ hehe~ ; you'll see what i mean ; wolfstar have a heated argument ; i almost cried writing it ; i hate seeing them like that ; poor james ; james needs a hug ; regulus makes an appearance! ; dramatic sirius black ; regulus is a good brother ; sirius being an instigator ; we love him for it though ; you can't just leave them again! ; no fluff here kiddos ; but kiddos stay away! ; just cover your innocent eyes! 

LENGTH : 3.7k

← PREV. : 05 | DRUNK AND CIGARETTE SMOKE

“You’re disgusting,” Sirius manages an indifferent glance over at his younger brother before resuming his miserable, unmoving position on the sofa — Regulus’ sofa. The obvious detachment Sirius has to the situation only stirs his younger brother’s bubbling anger, “It’s almost been a full month! And you’re letting yourself rot away on my sofa; get a hold of yourself!” No response. Regulus shakes his head with a drawn out sigh, “you usually don’t stay around this long whenever there’s an argument… I wonder what’s happened this time…”

Deeming his older brother completely hopeless, Regulus returns to his sparse but sleek kitchen just as the kettle whistles its readiness to be poured for tea.   

Sirius breaths an audible sigh and grimaces at the stench of his breath. The mix of excessive alcohol, countless cigarettes and mountains of junk food didn’t make for a good concoction on his tongue, definitely not for fresh breath. When was the last time he had brushed his teeth? He brings a hand up to push straggling strands of hair away from his view but grumbles when the curls had knotted up too much for him to comb his hair back uninterrupted. Stone grey eyes look down at his figure, stagnant and pale, weighed heavy from low spirits. 

What followed the night you left their flat was the worst fight they have ever had. It was mainly between him and Remus while James remained in the background, too downhearted to contribute anything to the verbal warfare happening before him. He was spoiled with love since birth. As an only child with loving parents, who never fought in front of him, whenever Sirius and Remus argued, James was left paralysed with despair. It was always shocking to him how nasty those fights became; his parents never fought like that. Sirius could see it in his sweet hazel eyes that James wanted desperately to have peace but didn’t know how to steer things in that direction. He had tried before, many times, to defuse the situation but both Sirius and Remus were too stubborn and hot-headed from the argument as well as their suddenly stark differences in opinion to back down. 

As unfortunate as it is to think about, these fights happened often, recurring in the same exact way – originating from opposing opinions, primarily between him and Remus. They would try to keep it together but it would just keep piling up until someone snaps and then there’s no dispelling their disputes. James either takes a side or none at all (usually the later) and Sirius storms out of the flat to stay with Regulus. 

He should feel guilty for being such a burden to his younger brother. He should have more pride in himself than to allow Regulus to ever see him in such a depressed and unpleasant state. Lack of hygiene, self care and self maintenance manifests into something so repulsive and unsightly, Sirius would usually be back and making amends within a week or two – encouraged by his own lack of cleanliness and his commitment to run from the disease of laziness. 

But it’s been more than that now. Nearly a month, Regulus says. Time just passes by, slow and tolerant, so unlike him, and yet, Sirius still managed to lose complete track of it. This is the longest they’ve ever had a dispute without reconciling.  

His own stubbornness is definitely a factor. He had been right all along. If only they, mostly Remus, had listened to him. James was fully on board but Remus was stubbornly defiant and managed to convince the former otherwise. 

“Do you think she’s the type of person who would embrace such an unconventional relationship with open arms?!”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Moony,” Sirius grits his teeth, his inner thoughts and reasoning ached to be heard and let out coherently. In his mind, it all made sense to do things the way he suggests, so why couldn’t his boyfriend understand him?! It doesn’t even seem like he’s trying to listen to him at this point! “She won’t understand if we don’t say anything to her! We have to be forward and bold! Do it now before something happens!”

“Nothing. Is. Going. To. Happen!”

“How can you be so sure? We need to be honest with her, it’s not fair to her and it’s, frankly, deceitful to keep her in the dark about all this!”

“We can’t be too sure that she’ll accept us. If that happens then we’ll never see her again– I don’t want that, do you?!” 

“We won’t know unless we say something, do something, anything!”

“Please just trust me, Siri,” Remus begs, his loud voice lowering to a soft plea, his beautiful brown eyes no longer fierce or piercing but kind and warm again, with a hint of fear. Sirius can sympathise with that creeping terror, an anxiety that wants to swallow you whole and keep you in a dark abyss for eternity, “I don’t want to frighten her…”

The first time, Sirius gave in, weak for his love and weak for the reasoning behind his proposal on the matter concerning you. The dark-haired tattooist couldn’t fault his lover for that but, in hindsight, he should have argued his side more, maybe then, you wouldn’t have disappeared like that…

“Hey, your phone won’t stop pinging,” Regulus alerts, appearing out of thin air and surprising Sirius enough to sit up and alert with wide eyes, “will you finally read their messages to you?” with some reluctance, Sirius reaches for his phone and proceeds to look through his messages while Regulus takes a seat opposite him, a steaming cup of tea in hand.

The younger Black brother was just about to begin reading another one of his classic novel favourites when a rush of air flew by him, ruffling the small strands of hair and whipping about the billowing steam from his mug of tea. Moments later, the sound of his shower turning on full blast echos through his flat and a smile graces his lips. 

“It’s about time…”

Lingering guilt had plagued you all night long and you barely managed to get a wink of sleep. It, however, meant that you were able to better prepare lunch for the boys the following day. While cooking, you abandon all negative feelings to focus on only the good, not wanting any harmful emotions to diffuse into the food and saturate it with bad tastes. Your eyebags weren’t a pretty sight but it was easily fixable with a touch of makeup. 

You tried to look your best for the day. Fortunately, the early summer sun inspired your motivations further. Yes, you’ve made the terrible mistake of selfishly pushing them away to nurse your own battered soul and unrequited feelings, but this was your time to make amends, to make things right… to see Sirius again. 

You never felt right after you accused him of cheating on Remus and James with each other, only to find out that he was far more loving and loyal than that. You were embarrassed and ashamed to have ever thought so negatively about him, jumping to conclusions like an immature, thoughtless child. It was wonderful seeing James and Remus again, your heart was practically soaring in your chest as it disregarded all lingering feelings of misery and dejection. But now, your chest felt incredibly tight as your heart ached to catch a simple glimpse of Sirius.  

You carefully pack away the lovingly prepared food and desserts into your largest, most durable shopping bag before getting dressed. It was only natural that you managed to make more than you usually made for the boys, seeing as you wanted to spoil them rotten after being so childish the last few weeks. Since the weather was pleasant, you opted for a cute mini dress with a light, flowy material that was comfortable and soft. Over top, you wore a cropped cardigan that had long sleeves, enough to reach past your fingertips. For jewellery, you wore a simple necklace and slipped into a strappy pair of mid-heeled platforms that weren’t too tall. Casual but cute. 

Approaching the studio doors, your grip on the strap of your bag tightens and your breath hitches. They hadn’t taken the notice down and the bold, red letters of their ‘CLOSED’ sign glared at you angrily. 

Were they inside? Should you knock? Neither Remus or James actually agreed to your sudden choice to meet for lunch the night before. Did this mean that they didn’t want you to be in their lives anymore?... But… but you wanted to make things right! You wanted to apologise! You want to be friends with them again! You’ll tell them right away – tell them how you would do anything just to remain by their side, even if it’s just as a friend, you’ll be happy for them! You won’t be selfish anymore, you won’t covet anything more than friendship with them, that’s all you want! Not that they’ve ever heard of your true desires—

“Well?” A familiar voice speaks up behind you, putting an abrupt end to your panicked inner monologue, “Aren’t you going to knock?” 

Swiftly spinning in place, you smile brightly at the biker and tattooist standing before you, dressed in all black, with heavy, lace-up boots and his signature leather jacket, “Sirius!” 

He doesn’t breathe a word to you, eyeing your hefty bag before briefly meeting your eyes and making his way over. His long strides made it so that he reached you in no time but he didn’t stop. With a light gasp, he had backed you up into the left of their studio’s double-door front entrance. You held your breath and kept your eyes shut tight, not knowing what to do as your heart pounded deafeningly against your eardrums. 

A moment passes and you feel his hand brush against yours before your portly bag of packed food is taken from you. A wave of relief washed over your aching shoulder as the weight disappeared but such a diminutive alleviation of discomfort couldn’t swamp the trepidation in your heart. Sirius was different. 

“Siri–”

“Let’s head inside,” he had opened the right hand door and easily slipped through with your bag. Alone and in the quiet, you felt like crying. You wanted to cry, desperately but you knew that it would offer little to no reassurance. So, with a heavy heart, you followed Sirius inside and closed the studio door behind you. 

The air was stale but, in it, lingered a familiar scent that you had come to love, it was a clean, almost clinical smell from the regular use of disinfectant and bleach. You love this parlour so much, it was filled with so many good memories, ones of soft affection through tender words and gentle caresses. Despite the earlier interaction, you couldn’t help but smile just from the wave of romantic sentiment washing over you. 

“You’re here,” Remus greets with a tired smile as James sits on the opposite end of the sofa with a shy grin directed towards you, his hazel eyes looking elsewhere.

“Sorry if I’m late,” you managed a weak smile, “I didn’t know if the door was open or not. Thankfully, Sirius was there to help me in,” Sirius didn’t sit down despite the many available seating spaces and chose to lean his back against a far wall, instead. James couldn’t meet your eyes and Remus was sneakily massaging his temple as he leaned his face against his large hand, “let’s eat, shall we? I hope you guys are hungry,”  

It was never this awkward. Or quiet. Especially when sharing your homemade lunch together. James would usually be giving you endless praise through large, mid-chewed mouthfuls while Sirius laughed at the ridiculous sounds and faces he’d pull trying to speak coherently through the mouthful of food, and Remus would shake his head, his amusement by the display evident in the warm glimmer of his eyes. However, James doesn’t have as big of an appetite today and Sirius stands alone with his tupperware, barely touching his food. Remus is the only one eating a substantial amount besides you. Although, you’ve gradually slowed your own chewing. 

What have you done?... 

What happened to all of you?

Your shame brought your gaze down, making your head weigh heavier than usual as you give up on communicating anything with the boys. This wasn’t how it was meant to go…what should you do now? The pain in your heart was unbearable. 

Shoulders slumped and confidence dried up, you struggled to think of what to do. You should have prepared a speech or something. It was naive of you to think that simply coming over with a homemade lunch would fix anything. Things are never going to be the same, no matter how much you hope and pray for them to be. 

You’re hopeless… completely and utterly hopeless…

This was your worst fear come to life. You had feared rejection but seeing them unloving towards each other, barely communicating and broken apart, your stomach collapsed in on itself as your heart fell to a million pieces. You didn’t utter a single word of loving them romantically aloud and yet, you still managed to get in between their relationship. This was a sentiment of how selfish of a person you are. 

How could you do this to them?! They were your friends, who saved you from the worst night of your life, and you repay them like this?! Shameful. Disgusting. You don’t think you could ever look at yourself in the mirror again.  

The skirt of your mini dress blurs on your lap and you have to bite your lip to keep from sobbing out loud. The tears, however, you couldn’t stop them. Hopefully, they’re all too distracted to see you silently weeping and you can gather yourself before turning tail and running out of there. 

Today is a complete disaster—

“Don’t cry, angel, please!” James jumps up and rushes to your side, kneeling down at your feet as he takes your hands in his and tries to meet your gaze through the puddle of tears in your eyes. His words immediately catch Remus and Sirius’ attention and they both begin to make their way over, evident worry swimming in their eyes but you refuse to acknowledge any of that as your mind drowns in all manner of negative thought.  

You shake your head, hearing the flurry of footfalls around you and wishing them away silently, “I shouldn’t have come here today…” you whisper. 

“What was that?” James patiently asks, voice soft and sweet and kind, it makes you want to fall into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” you speak clearer and stand abruptly, “enjoy the lunch,” the haste and sorrow in your shaking voice makes their heart drop and they’re brought back to that fateful night once more. You don’t meet their eyes as you turn and push past them to leave, almost running through the hallway of their studio just to reach the door and make a quick escape. 

“THIS!” Sirius’ roaring voice suddenly cuts through the studio like a knife, making you stop in your tracks and turn around slowly. The door to the lounge room was still open, before it Sirius and Remus stood in an aggressive confrontation, both taking on a defensive stance as they faced each other, all while James remained in the background, clutching at his head as he slumped forward on the sofa, “THIS IS WHAT I MEANT! IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED TO ME–” 

“I DIDN’T SAY WHAT I SAID WITHOUT REASON SIRIUS! YOU KNOW MY EXACT THOUGHTS ABOUT ALL THIS!” Remus shouts back, the veins in his neck bulging out from his fierce anger, the blood rushing in his cheeks making him look just about ready to violently explode. 

“BUT–”

“—YOU CAN’T FAULT ME FOR THAT!” Remus continues, not allowing Sirius to speak.   

“WELL YOU CAN’T FAULT ME FOR MY REASONING EITHER!”

You’re horrified at the scene. Sirius and Remus look ready to tear each other apart as James looks on hopelessly, not knowing what to do or how to diffuse the situation, completely torn between supporting one or the other. Without thinking, you rush back and skid to a stop between the two hot-blooded men. Their fuming rage was like a turbulent inferno whose flames licked viciously at your skin, ready to burn you and spread the hostility. 

“The both of you need to calm down!” you shout, pushing them away from each other and creating a safe distance between. Your tears had already run dry, replaced by the trembling terror shaking your limbs. 

“Don’t worry about us Dove,” Remus manages to voice through gritted teeth, his glowering eyes never leaving Sirius’, “you can leave and we’ll sort this out,”

“Sort this out like usual huh?—”

“—Don’t taunt me, Sirius,”

“That won’t solve anything, you idiot!” Sirius flings his arms up and James just barely manages to pull you away from being accidentally hit. Neither of the two seem to notice and James expresses his apology in lovingly nuzzling your temple, his lips puckering to kiss your skin but refraining and stepping away abruptly. You try not to feel the heartache his actions elicit in you.

“SHUT UP!” you’ve never heard Remus sound so angry and venomous before, it makes your heart stutter in fear and worry. You can’t leave now; this disagreement can’t end well without some form of intervention and James isn’t fairing too well with that – he needs someone there for him too, just to feel, somewhat, grounded through all of this, “She doesn’t have to hear all of this!”

“We wouldn’t have to be saying ‘all of this’ if you had. Just. LISTENED. TO. ME!”

“You’re being ridiculous!”

“Ridiculous?!” Sirius growls lowly, his countenance scrunching up into a foul expression —an antithesis to his elegant features, “I’ll show you!” it was then that Sirius turns to face you and approaches with purpose in his long strides, unstopping like he did earlier when outside the studio. 

“SIRIUS—!”

Sirius backs you up into the wall behind you, “—Everything Could Have Been As Easy As Doing This!” you didn’t know what to prepare yourself for but Sirius firmly gripping your chin and pulling you into a deep kiss was not one of them. In your shock, you let out a surprised but muffled moan, slowly falling into the blissful embrace and reciprocating eagerly. 

Did you faint earlier? Was this all a dream?... 

…Dream or not, you like this very much!  

James and Remus watch at the bold display, disbelief shining clear in their eyes as Sirius has his way with you. But you don’t see them, you don’t see anyone or anything, all you know is that Sirius kisses like an experienced lover from fantasy and he wasn’t shy about loving you up. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you let Sirius guide them over your head to cuff your wrists together with his large hand, his other snaking around your waist to pull you closer and deepen the kiss. 

He tastes like spearmint gum and smokey cigarette smoke, his lips tinted in cherry lip balm for sweetness. What an addictive taste. You can’t get enough. 

But air is a necessity and just as you were beginning to run out of breath, Sirius pulls away, panting heavily. He doesn’t wait for a single second to pass before diving his head into your neck, where he peppers feathery but fervid kisses along your sensitive skin and smiles to himself when you slip out a moan. You sound beautiful. He needs to hear more. Sirius doesn’t stop, he sucks and licks and kisses and nuzzles along your neck like the tease he is, drawing out every quivering whimper and pretty moan you were desperately trying to contain. 

You keep your eyes tightly shut, too embarrassed to meet the eyes of Remus or James. Their gaze on you left behind a searing, phantom mark that developed into a displeasing itch. An itch that could only be satisfied if they kissed you too.

…So selfish. God! When will you stop?!

Ashamed of your gradually increasing volume, you seal your mouth shut in a stubborn attempt to suppress your pleasure. How did his lips and tongue feel so good on your skin? His touch made your knees weak and your legs shake, without his support, you don’t think you would stay standing for long. 

Just as you were able to swallow every embarrassing sound that tried to escape, James was beside you, his warm breath on your cheek as he silently urged Sirius to give way, “you need help staying quiet, angel?” he whispers and doesn’t wait for an answer, briefly meeting your eyes before he’s closing them to kiss you sweetly. It started off sweet. Sweet and loving like James before suddenly becoming very dominating and overwhelming. You were being devoured and the thought was undeniably arousing. They were both on you, Sirius kissing away at your neck as James savoured the taste of your lips before bullying his way into your awaiting mouth. He swallowed your moans for you as Sirius defiantly persisted, urging you with seductive lips to make more.  

Overwhelmed but so content. 

You were drowning in bliss and you never wanted to break away from it. 

“DIDN’T I SAY!” Remus shouts, stopping all activity and leaving you strung up high as the boys slowly pull away, not too far but enough for all of you to meet Remus’ unreadable stare. The boys look over their shoulder to observe their commanding lover, their large frames tense before moving their eyes down and slowly smirking, the tension evaporating off their figures as you’re left to rebuild another tower of anxiety from your lower stomach, “Didn’t. I. Say. We. Were. Going. To. Savour. Her?”

What?

Your shocked, wide-eyed stare meets Remus’ cool and, almost, unfeeling gaze. Once again, your knees buckled under you and you were caught by Sirius and James. Held in place by their hot, firm hands and the press of their toned physiques. 

What did he just say?

Unable to keep his stare, your eyes slowly fall down the tall brunette’s figure. Capturing his beautiful, full lips; taking in the delicious column on his neck; observing the wide expanse of his shoulders and chest; drifting down to gulp at his veiny arms and hands before landing on... 

Oh~

A/N : no fluff, but something better right? a little sneak peak on how i write spicy things but it's readable hehe~  

NEXT. | 07 : APOLOGISE AND COMFORT →

NAVI. | HEROES IN TATTOOS MASTERLIST

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[insolentgod]

⚠️Attention:⚠️ very long post. It talks a little about: state of lack, take your desire off the pedestal, time it takes for a manifestation, get distracted about your manifestation , self-concept, and Cassies

one more night high and having crazy epiphanies about manifestations. and another day using a translator to translate my text to post here, because I haven't claimed to be fluent in English yet 😛 So, as I always warn, if there are possible grammatical errors, it's for this reason.

I'm here to bring you an analogy I created while discussing with a friend haha. (Yes, this time there's nothing about lana del rey!)

you know those people who humiliate themselves for others? Who do everything for someone specific to love them, try to talk to them even if it's unhealthy, or beg them to stay in their lives. (yes, it's quite depressing and sad)

i haven't been like that much in life, usually when someone didn't care about me, i cared even less about them. but I won't lie, there have been situations where I may have humiliated myself a little, but it's human.

anyway, going straight to my analogy, let's imagine that you struggling to manifest something is a friend "Cassie," and the manifestation will be her ex-boyfriend, okay? (i swear it will make sense in the end)

what I write outside the parentheses is Cassie's situation, and what's inside the parentheses is possibly the situation you're going through on your manifestation journey.

okay, you have this friend Cassie who keeps saying that her ex-boyfriend doesn't care about her, doesn't respond to messages, and shows no signs, and she's going crazy and desperate about it (just like you when you see no progress in your manifestation). so she does EVERYTHING to get him back (just like you when you try multiple methods non-stop and feel needy). and as Cassie's friend, you think, "poor cassie, she doesn't deserve to suffer like this" (and she really doesn't deserve it, just as you don't deserve to suffer for your manifestations). there are also moments when she sends a message for you saying, "I'll forget him this time, I promise." but after two days, she's there messaging him again (just like you affirm on the first day all motivated and trying to convince yourself that this time your manifestation will come true, but after a few days, you see no progress and start panicking), and then she gets very sad because she thinks they will never get back together and she will never be happy with him again (just like you think you can't manifest anything, that the universe hates you, that you will never get what you want, that the loa doesn't work). But meanwhile, there are other people out there getting back with their exes and you admire them, wondering what it would be like if it were you... (just like when you look at other people's success stories and think "why can't I do it?") spoiler: You can do it too, honey. If everyone else can do it, so can you. Wake up.

If I were Cassie's friend, I would tell her to STOP acting like that and start valuing herself and just distract herself. because let's be honest, men ALWAYS come back, right? 🤣 and many people may disagree with me on this and think that if she doesn't chase after the guy, he won't come either. but that's how it works for me, even before I started using the law. every time I started valuing myself and stopped begging for others' love, the person came to me. so let's agree with my thinking on this, okay?

and one more point that I think is worth mentioning is that if Cassie really doesn't want to do this alone, maybe a manifestation coach would be a good idea (if it were a real situation, I would suggest her to seek a therapist). There are nuances about "manifestation coaches," I honestly don't use them and I recommend working on your self-concept. but it's an option if you want, but please do thorough research and find a trustworthy one.

returning, what can you do to not be another Cassie? I'm telling you to stop doing whatever you're doing to try to achieve your desire? no. just get out of the state of neediness and desperation, like a Cassie. you don't need that, my love. you don't need to worry, "Is my manifestation coming?" You don't need to use a thousand methods because you don't think it's enough. whatever you believe will bring your desires, will indeed bring your desire. If you believe that jumping three times, building a castle, and kicking an elderly person will give you what you want, guess what? If you do all that, then you will get what you desire. and if you believe that affirming once in your life will get you a beachfront mansion, guess what? you will achieve that.

so, to not be a Cassie:

1 - trust what you're saying, please trust yourself. nnow that ONLY WHAT YOU THINK is the truth, and it will be. (my last long post talks about this exactly, I highly recommend it, okay).

2 - take your desire off the pedestal. your desire may be your biggest dream in life, I don't care. take it off the pedestal. the powerful person who can have anything they want is YOU, not your desire. tou are a thousand times greater than your desire. you don't chase after your desire, your desire chases after you. you know when manifestation coaches tell you to start manifesting just a blue butterfly or a candy? well, it's because for you, that's not difficult. It's something you find easy to manifest and know it's totally possible to have. but you can literally manifest a Porsche at the same speed as manifesting an ice cream, okay? take your desire off the pedestal; you are fully capable of having it.

3 - get out of the state of lack. In the law of assumption, some people talk a lot about states and some manifest just by being in the state of the wish fulfilled and ready, they succeed. but the state of lack is literally when you feel the lack, the absence of your desire. you don't feel like you have it or you don't feel worthy of it, so you probably fall into a spiral of despair with millions of thoughts like "what will I do if I don't achieve it?" "I don't see any progress" "time is passing and I don't have my results". Anyway,

- But what do I do to heal my state of lack?

just don't be in it 💐💐💐 yes, it's easy, okay. please believe that it's easy and it will be. I know it's very easy to affirm when you're motivated, especially after reading a success story. but motivation doesn't last forever and I don't think it's healthy for you to keep restoring your motivation by reading success stories all the time. there's nothing wrong with it, but you don't need success stories to heal. every time you feel like you're entering the state of lack, start trusting yourself. when it happens to me, I start affirming "none of this, I have my desires" "I don't care about what my 3D shows me" "I have what I want", I also imagine myself with my desire as if I really have it now. I'll admit, there are times when I start affirming this to avoid entering the state of lack and at first it feels like I'm feeling wrong, the feeling of hopelessness even. but regardless of how I feel, I keep visualizing and eventually start feeling strong and motivated again. in those moments, you have to be strong and disciplined with yourself, okay? you can do it.

4 - try not to care about time or the 3D reality. i know it's difficult, but please live in your imagination and believe that if you have it in your imagination, you have it now. about time, it depends, okay? Some people manifest in seconds because they believe they can, while others manifest in weeks because they think it takes weeks. if you're the second type of person, you can definitely manifest in seconds if you allow yourself to do so. self-concept affirmations help a lot in this aspect. Just don't worry about time in the 3D reality. If you know that in your mind you have your desire NOW, then you have it now. once you're fully living in your imagination, it will come in the 3D reality. I know it's difficult, but just trust yourself and your mind. I promise that if you live 100% in your mind, your desire can come very quickly.

5 - distract yourself! don't spend the whole day thinking about your desire. usually, the desire comes when you accept that you have it and continue living your life. I know it's complicated, especially when it's something you want, but distract yourself to avoid excessive and negative thoughts about your manifestations. and please get off tumblr for a while

6 - improve your self-concept, please. Just do that, and your manifestation journey will be much easier.

I think that's it for today. I talked a lot as always 😛😛

I usually don't respond to people asking for help here on my blog (mainly because I don't receive any requests) but if you're having problems, you can send me a message, and I'll respond ❤‍🩹 I just want to help someone like loa bloggers helped me when I needed it. good night everyone, and stay hydrated.

[theambitiouswoman]

How do I stop feeling so ugly? I feel like my looks hold me back so much and then I just get depressed, so I look worse … it’s a never ending cycle. My lack of self esteem is ruining my life but I just don’t know how to stop.

I'm sorry you're struggling with low self-esteem. Please remember that your worth isn’t tied to your physical appearance!

I want to completely start off by saying that you’re not ugly. None of you reading this are ugly. You may feel ugly, and that’s what shows in your appearance. The universe responds to how you treat yourself. How you treat yourself is how others will perceive and treat you.

You can work on yourself from the inside out or the outside in. Let’s discuss outside in, first.

Make a list and write down what you don’t like, and what you need to do to improve or how would your ideal self look. Don’t compare yourself to other girls. Focus on just YOU. Becoming your favorite version of you and not anyone else.

The first thing I recommend is for you to start working out and eating healthy foods. This is not me saying that your body needs to look a certain way. But feeling healthy contributes to a better self esteem. Working out releases endorphins, will help you feel better about yourself internally. And if body is a goal for you, then this is something you should focus on anyway.

Proper grooming and hygiene, changing your wardrobe and figuring out which compliments your body will quickly easily make you feel prettier and look more attractive. Yes, it’s true. Looking clean and polished shows people that you care about yourself and your appearance. It also makes you look more welcoming by just those little tweaks.

I strongly recommend you start by putting in the effort with that. People will notice, and you will notice people noticing- and it will help you feel better. Your confidence shouldn’t be based on external validation- but I do think it’s a great motivator.

Remember that hating yourself is not going to make you feel better or change the way you look for the better. You have to take the initiative. You have to be tired of feeling how you feel and start making changes for YOU. You are in control. And you deserve to feel good about yourself. Don’t throw yourself a pity party. You are a strong girl. You are a brave girl. You are a capable girl. You are a beautiful girl. And you are not going to get in the way of what feels good to you or your goals because you deserve those things too!

When it comes to doing the work from the inside out.. “if you feel pretty you look pretty” start by focusing on your positive qualities: Instead of fixating on your perceived flaws, try to focus on your positive qualities. Think about your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Treat yourself to things that make you feel good, like a bubble bath, a good book, or a movie night.

When negative thoughts about your appearance arise, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if they are based in reality or if they are just your own negative self-talk. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

I love you! I hope you realize how beautiful and deserving you are soon 🫶

[harrowharkwife]

camilla or pyrrha for the character ask meme!

THANK YOU EMMA FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT CAMMMM MY GIRL.... CAMILLA DARLING

favorite thing about them: where do i even fucking start. her skill, and strength. her wit, she's so goddamn funny. her resolve. her bravery. the quiet ferocious intensity with which she loves and cares about people. as tragic and troubling and fucked up as it is in canon, i find her perennial tendency towards pair-bonded dysfunctional codependency to be. ALARMINGLY relatable. i love her flat affect. i love her observational skills- she's clever, and perceptive. i may or may not have an enormous crush on her. i love her loyalty and devotion. i love (read: hate) her tendency to deflect any and all important personal questions. i love that she doesn't let go. i love her love for spreadsheets and sharp knives and sensible shoes and sketching. i love her impeccable bedside manner. i love her and her letters and her cassette tapes and her fuckass bob and her smile that makes the earth want to marry her and i love her slate-clay eyes and her laugh. i love that she fought like her heart had already exploded.

least favorite thing about them: i mean, with camilla this question is really more of a "most concerning things about them," isn't it? her codependency, her lack of individuation and independence, her refusal to develop her own identity and exist as her own person. which, like, from one autistic bitch to another, girl i Get It. if i could get away with making myself a satellite accessory to another person instead of having to figure out how to be a person myself, if my society had groomed me to do exactly that from birth, yeah, i would probably do the same thing. being a person is fucking exhausting. but it's also so, so worth it, and it breaks my fucking heart that cam never had the chance, and that the people in her life by and large never encouraged her to really try. we do see pal pushing her on it a little here and there from time to time, and i appreciate that, but it was clearly never enough to stick, y'know? i hate how self sacrificing and selfless she is, i wish fandom at large would talk more about her depression, i want to give her wellbutrin and a hug and therapy.

favorite line: too many to choose. life is too short and love is too long. i don't let go, it's my one thing. sure, it's a nice handkerchief. i think there's another teaspoon full of blood in here somewhere. camilla hect fought like a grease fire. the cohort has taken the rest of him away and i don't know where they've put him.

brOTP: gideon, though i am a lover of the cam/gideon agenda! also nona, and palamedes.

OTP: dulcie, but i also love campyrrha, in like a mutually sorrowful toxic cathartic cav4cav grief sex sorta way.

nOTP: idk that i have one? i'm not really into cam/corona the way some people are

random headcanon: autistic like i mentioned earlier. i think she'd love cats

unpopular opinion: personally speaking I'm not a shooter for the aro/ace cam agenda, though i don't have anything against it!!! I've definitely seen it done in fascinating and lovely and compelling ways before! it's just not how i personally interpret her, but i think that's literally just a personal grudge on account of being an autistic woman with somewhat flat affect, and having seen fandoms Immediately jump to hit every serious-mannered, autistic-coded woman character that has flat affect with the aroace headcanon stick Immediately and at first blush without interrogating the potential stereotypes and assumptions behind that choice. not saying that that's what people are doing with cam at all, just that it was a general pattern i was observing across fandoms- honestly i see the logic behind it with her, and i don't think it's a "wrong" way to interpret her at all, i think it's perfectly founded! but unfortunately i am just projecting on her and she got caught in the crosshairs of me deciding i had Had Enough and that it was time to draw the "let autistic women fuck" shaped line in the sand and take a political stance 😂 you understand. aroace cam truthers are some of my most beloved comrades in arms. peace and love on planet earth

song i associate with them: EXISTENTIAL CRISIS HOUR! BY KILO KISH. see also: butterfly net by caroline polachek, true blue by boygenius, my friend by hayley williams, ***look at me now by caroline polachek,*** francis forever by mitski, the body is a blade by japanese breakfast, crude drawing of an angel by caroline polachek.

favorite picture of them: im on mobile and also stoned outta my gourd so I'll rb this with some art tomorrow!

ty emma!!!!

[royalbilliards]

i would LOVE to hear your opinion on maruki's therapy bc i see a lot of ppl saying he sucked as a therapist and i've never seen one so i can't really say anything with certainty...... but idk, i want joker to have at least an okay therapist just because it's a nice touch. also i think it's more satisfying narratively when maruki is someone joker can lean on for support and get attached to, but then has to oppose because shitty actualization. idk. pathetic wet man makes me go brrrrrr

Welcome to the autism zone.

So a lot of my thoughts on maruki’s therapy comes from my own experiences with a therapist in the past (I’m trying to get a new one right now) but. A lot of what Maruki’s ‘confidant perks’ and what they’re called suggest he’s giving Joker treatment for anxiety and depression, which makes a lot of sense given the way he acts in public outside of the joker persona, and the situation he’s in at Shujin (being bullied, for lack of a better term because it’s 5 am and I just woke up, and ostracised due to Kamoshida spilling his criminal record).

Practices like mindfulness and wakefulness sound like bullshit when you first have to start them, mostly because of the names, but the practices themselves are grounding techniques, being able to be present in your body, aware of your surroundings, and not letting yourself spiral via panic or depression and stuff. Detox is a term for drug addiction and alcoholism rehab, they’re not exactly practices we know Joker needs help with, but they’re most likely preventative measures, so that he doesn’t go Down those paths BECAUSE of his situation, which honestly makes sense, depression, anxiety, bullying from peers and the rest of it, including his criminal record and the way Japan treats students with criminal records, it makes sense that Joker could have easily gone down those routes if he didn’t have his friends and the metaverse to blow off steam and have an outlet for his emotions that he isn’t allowed to have in his day to day life. Flow is also a form of therapy treatment for handling depression, and mostly focus’ on capturing moments of positive mental states and allowing yourself to be completely focused and involved in Enjoyable activities that make you happy.

Because all of these therapy treatments that we get named from his confidant perks are Real therapy treatments that both Work and are widely used to treat specific mental health problems (Depression, Anxiety and Self-worth) we get both an insight into how Joker is actually feeling about things outside of what he shows and how useful these techniques are in his actual day to day life, because he’s using them to handle stressful situations in the metaverse.

There’s also the fact that Before everything, and AFTER everything, Joker doesn’t seem to hold much animosity towards Maruki, yes Akechi does and he’s Totally allowed to hate him, but neither Yoshizawa or Joker do, when Yoshizawa is more than justified in being angry and frustrated with him. And it might just be due to the abysmal lack of characterisation Yoshizawa gets, but mostly she seems like she too, like Joker, WANTS to help him, because we know that Maruki himself struggles with Self-worth problems, delusions of grandeur, a messiah complex (in both definitions of the term) anxiety and depression (along with a few other spicier things I don’t feel like mentioning because I’d need to bring up the psa’s on how demonised disorders need to be treated with respect since no one can do that on the internet). But there doesn’t seem to Be animosity between the three of them. Mostly just worry about someone they both cared about, and trusted.

There’s also the fact that, Jokers interactions with Maruki do not End After you help him with his research, we’re just cut off from the interaction at that point, because Joker in canon is explaining to Sae other more important things, he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell her the confidential therapy treatment he’s receiving at school. Their interaction continues, we get a fade to black, so it’s obvious he is getting actual therapy treatment, but Maruki has probably picked up on Jokers earth shattering savior complex and is easing him into the idea of therapeutic treatment by having him assist in his research, so Joker is more inclined to accept the help, since it’s a Transaction to Joker. If Maruki had more time to be Jokers therapist, and I assume he would have at some point Offered to continue his work as Jokers therapist after his tenure at Shujin ending, he would have eventually been able to work on that with Joker, and weaned him off Needing to help people all the time, and viewing social interactions as a transactional thing.

Anyways, yeah, I don’t think Maruki is a bad therapist outside of the horrors, I think people just don’t think about it because it isn’t spoon fed to them in a social link interaction, which is where the assumption that he’s Only using Joker as a sounding board comes from. But what would I know I just did media studies and have a special interest in analysing media, SHRUG

[caramelshortcake]

Chiron In The First House

• Could’ve been born with a disability, especially neurodevelopmental that they can place their identity and self worth with exp: autism, ADHD, learning disability, facial disfigurements

• Are very prone from battling with mental health issues: depression, anxiety, ED

• Self consciousness and a lack of faith of oneself

• Could be always forgotten about, picked last or especially as a child, never getting a shot in games by everyone all because of their personality or appearance.

• Being heavily bullied at school all because of their personality or appearance which can lead to them as being socially isolated or very shy and insecure adults. Even at a risk of having PTSD or body dysmorphia

• Being hated by everyone just for their existence, which is why they are vulnerable for having fake friends, or even random people being mean to them

• Came into this world with very fragile souls

• Never feeling good enough, no matter how hard they try. They could’ve been constantly criticised or felt humiliated or ganged up upon by just making a simple mistake

• Are at risk of self harm, even suicide tendencies and substances

• Have very kind, gentle personalities because they don’t want anyone else to go through what they did

• Never feeling like they fit in or belong to the world

[suffersinfandom]

gifset by seraph-novak

So there’s a critique of this scene (and Ed in season two as a whole) that I haven’t been able to shake. The post went into how the whole mermaid sequence was ruined by the rest of the season -- about how this beautiful scene was, put in the context of Ed’s behavior in the rest of season two, an ominous rebirth of a villain. The writer couldn’t see Ed as a protagonist finding the will to live; they saw a monster getting another chance to terrorize his victims.

I really hate that. I’ve already typed way too much about how I don’t think that Ed is abusive or that the Kraken Era was all that bad, so of course I disagree with any take that characterizes Ed as a monster. But do you know why this post stuck with me?

It made me unreasonably sad.

There’s a danger in over-identifying with characters (and I do think that a lot of the tension in OFMD fandom comes from over-identification), but it’s so easy for me to understand what Ed’s going through in the first three episodes of season two. I’ve been there. Judging by this post, many of us have been where Ed is. 

We’ve struggled to live while we’re drowning. We’ve been trapped and hopeless and desperate for a reason to keep going -- for someone to give us hope that things can be better. 

And we’ve also hurt people in our despair. 

When I was in my Kraken Era, I was a sick college student who’d been fighting depression since middle school. I’d just escaped a “friendship” with someone who (I can admit in retrospect) abused me mentally and emotionally, and I had no other friends because that person had effectively isolated me. I was alone and I was convinced that I was a fundamentally unlovable person who had no right to exist. 

I pushed the few people I had around me away. I isolated myself from my mother as much as I could while living in her house. I cut off communication with my online acquaintances (who would later become good friends) and didn’t speak to anyone at school. For a while, I was so focused on my pain and self hatred that I barely thought about other people. It was an intensely selfish and self-centered existence, and I hurt my mom and everyone who could’ve been a friend. When you're in that desperately hopeless, depressed mindset, you don't care about hurting people because your own pain is so all-consuming. If anything, you want to hurt others so they'll give up on you in the same way you've given up on yourself.

It’s different from what Ed did, of course, because he’s not me and I wasn’t a pirate captain with the lives of a crew in my hands. The harm I could cause was severely limited by my lack of power, but I still caused it. I was still trying to isolate and cut ties and push away anyone who could’ve helped me even when I desperately wanted help. I wasn’t a good person.

Watching Ed go through a self-destructive arc that’s immediately identifiable, deeply personal, and so well done was incredible, and seeing the show support him instead of demonizing his behavior? I have no words for the way I felt during season two’s run. 

OFMD makes Ed a sympathetic character who’s worth loving even when he’s at his lowest. It gives us a lead who fucks up when he’s in the depths of his despair and it doesn’t pity him or wave away his problems or make a monster out of him. It doesn’t even have his romantic interest save him! Instead, it lets Ed save himself when he realizes that there’s still hope and love out there. 

This show reminded me that we’re not monsters even if we’ve hurt people. It told me that recovery is possible, and so is forgiveness. It asked me to keep loving Ed through his entire arc, and in doing that, it forced me to love the parts of me that I’m still working on as well.

So I know that I shouldn’t be bothered by people who see season two Ed as an irredeemable monster who gets an undeserved second shot at life, y’know? But even though I’m a decade and a half out of my own Kraken Era, I’m still in a perpetual state of recovery. There’s always a persistent doubt -- a suspicion that there’s a fundamental flaw in me that no amount of therapy will fix -- and that doubt latched onto some random person’s conviction that Ed is a monster. It says, If Ed will always be a monster, what about you?

And I know that voice is wrong because it’s always been a liar. I know that it doesn’t matter that some portion of the fanbase turned on Ed in season two because that man isn’t real and he’s not me. I know that, for people who haven’t experienced something that was reflected in Ed’s arc, it might be difficult to sympathize with him (and with real life people who blow their lives up in their despair). 

There will always be people who don’t understand or can’t empathize with that kind of desperate hopelessness, but there are also many, many people who get it… and some of those people were clearly in season two's writer’s room. Some of those people are in this fandom.

I guess what I’m getting at is this: I hope that, if you saw yourself in Ed’s early season two story, you know that you’re not a monster and you’re not a villain in someone else’s story, no matter what anyone else says. I hope you know that you’re worthy of love. 

I hope you know you’re not alone.

[aubyrei]

okay so. drdt ep 8 spoilers under the cut, also please check the tags for tws - a lot of the motives are quite sensitive so please beware!!

last night after the ep, my friend (hi @sentinel-kinjo) and i tried to see if we could connect the motives to the characters. ill explain the reasoning for down below. those that don't have a character next to them means i don't have enough info to be able to pinpoint on who that motive belongs to, even using process of elimination

ace - your body is falling apart but you still refuse to eat

there is a lot of evidence to support this. ace has a low bmi, didn't eat the cake in chapter 1 and has been said to like low-calorie foods in QnAs. ive seen some people throw around arturo due to his body image standards, but he doesn't seem to care much about himself specifically appealing to beauty standards, and was also one of the people who ate the cake in chapter 1.

??? - ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships

im not sure about this one at all- but using process of elimination, and the context, it is definitely one of the girls. the ones i didn't put anywhere are min, hu and eden, so it's probably one of them? i honestly don't really have any basis for pin pointing any of them as this one. maybe we should all collectively comb over ch1 to see who the biggest girl kisser is

j and arei's motives are canon, so i won't go over those

xander - you're constantly blaming yourself for the death of your parents and siblings, it doesn't matter that it's not your fault, just that you didn't go with them

pretty self explanatory, honestly.. we have many examples in the story of xander suffering from survivors guilt. his secret quote also speaks of survivors guilt. i feel like this is the only one that could fit him.

whit - your mother is dead, you always omit that truth

whit speaks highly of his mother, even having dyed his hair because of her. he does omit the truth also when trying to guess what his secret is during ch2, he doesn't speak about his mother being dead at all. his secret quote is also "we tend to idolize the dead" which goes hand in hand with both his motive and the very strong admiration he has for his mom.

charles' is canon, so skip

veronika - you only took on your talent to distract yourself for the incessant need to harm yourself for fun

i won't speak very much on this one, but she fits. the thing she dislikes the most is boredom. she seeks thrill in horror and dark media. it's possible that her talent has helped her heal from these tendencies.

david - you were quite the hopeless child. dying once wasn't enough, so you attempted suicide three times.

ive seen many different guesses on this one, but david is honestly the only one that i feel works completely. his secret is "i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i wish you'd just die." i hate you is notably repeated three times. this might seem like a reach but i think its also worth noting that when David mentioned that his secret was a family history about depression, nobody corrected him. i feel like if he had lied, or if his secret was something completely disconnected from said depression, the person who had his motive would've stood up and called out his bullshit. but three suicide attempts and depression are not unrelated. i think he was vague about the details of his depression due to his own discomfort talking about these subjects.

rose and nico are canon, so skip

teruko - how could i even select what secret to be your motive? just about everything you've done in your life is worth killing for. the killing game is your fault.

pretty self explanatory. teruko herself says she has too many secrets and doesn't know what they could possibly use against her. don't think anything but this fits

so the remaining ones are levi, arturo, hu, eden, and min. i can't seem to pinpoint these three anywhere due to lack of info... if you guys have any guesses pls let me know :> i love theorizing!!

[wormzandgutz]

hi hi I'm back again pl.ease t ell me more

hi sorry this took a bit, This post will include what I currently have figured out of the main group and ideas im considering. First introductions, this is the main group, from left to right we have..

Nico (in the process of being renamed), Atlas, Star and Clover

Ph is a collaborative story I made with a friend in 2018, since then I have made these characters completely my own and I’m currently doing some renovations with it, since it’s last canon was made in 2019.

Atlas, 19(may change), they/them, 5’11” Atlas lives with their older sister (pictured below)

I haven’t fully figured out the situation with their parents, the current idea is that they work overseas. Atlas loves friends more than anything, they would go to great lengths to help a friend in need and they are fiercely loyal. they are honest to a fault and hate beating around the bush. they’re stubborn and hold grudges, they trust their instincts when it comes to people more than anything. They don’t know what they want to do with their life. I cannot decide on their pronouns or gender for the life of me TToTT

Recently I’ve been taking inspiration from 80s anime boys when drawing them. This idea has a strong possibility of being cut but the idea is that animal hybrids that are born during the full moon become werewolves (in the way that they turn into more anthro animals of what they already are, and lose their human consciousness, aka going full animal) why does this happen?…..magic ✨✨ this means that during full moons they go through incredibly painful werewolf transformations, the transformation then lasts anywhere from half a day to a week. The condition is very misunderstood socially due to legends surrounding werewolves and also a lack of medical research (due to it being magic and all) Think people not understanding just how painful it is, thinking people can control it or thinking that they turn violent

Clover, 19, she/her, 5’7” Shes focusing on getting her life back together after her fall through with Valkyrie, with the help of the friend group, she’s slowly regaining her confidence and self worth. She distracts herself from depressive thoughts by throwing herself into her studies, her friend group is against this and is trying to find better alternatives for her. Clover isn’t actually very shy or awkward, once her walls start to crumble, her true personality begins to flourish. Shes actually quite snarky. Her antlers do shed once a year, yes it’s gnarly and yes I know that only male deer shed their antlers but I don’t careeeeeeee it’s fantasyyyy. maybe they shed due to the unstable and weird biology of the hybrids, I don’t careee she isn’t blind in her right eye, it’s just white, she has heterochromia (fantasy heterochromia oooo)

Star, 19, she/her, 5’4” Star is an absolute troublemaker, she has no qualms with confronting and insulting people 10x her size. She is fiercely protective of her friends. She is quick to assume if a person is good or bad, and she stubbornly won’t admit that she is wrong until given hard evidence. She loves her name and wears stars constantly because of it. Comfortable clothing for avian hybrids is hard to come across due to their wings. And even clothing made for Avians is difficult because wing sizes are different person to person, some have very large actually functional wings and others like Star have small wings that can only glide. She does not care about eating bird meat, in fact she really likes chicken. She is the kind of cute that’s creepy, Like her eyes are really big and she stares. She also has a kind of v shaped smile Nico (not final name), 19, she/her, 6’2” Shes been the star runner of every track team she’s been on since middle school. Prefers sportsy and easy to move in clothing, mostly just so that she can start working out at the most random times. she’ll be hanging out with friends in town and suddenly just starts jogging. But she also enjoys dolling herself up. Largest advocate for self love you’ve ever seen, she WOULD date a clone of herself. If you self deprecate in her presence she will aggressively compliment and hype you up like a fitness coach. and then she will somehow rope you into some sort of physical activity “it keeps your dopamine levels up!”, how she keeps doing this is a mystery. She eats like a horse (ha!) and hates wasting food. while she means no harm she has a hard time understanding how some people can struggle with light exercise (like some people have disabilities that make it exhausting to just walk for a few mins) She does eventually get around to understanding and immediately becomes a personal coach “YOU WALKED FOR A MINUTE TODAY, LETS FUCKING GOOOOO”

Now that I’m thinking about it, there’s some interesting world building questions that arise when thinking about hybrid differences. Like do horse hybrids have separate track teams? Do they have an actual genetic advantage? And then my mind immediately thinks of gender debates and allowing trans women in women’s sports and trans men in men’s sports. I don’t know if that’s a topic I want to address in this story? I could make it so that it depends of the person (like in real life, while men have an easier time building muscle and such, it isn’t 100% and it depends on them actually building it) But that also dampens the idea that the animal counterparts actually affect the biology??BUT ALSO MAYBE IM BEING DRAMATIC AND ITS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL???

it’s just that I don’t want this to be a cat girl type of thing, where the animal parts are just cosmetic?? I don’t know if I want to include such a thing in my story BUT THINKING ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS ARE IMPORTANT!!!

I don’t knowwwww ( T^T) ( T^T) for now I have a to do list with this story: - give Nico and Star more significance other than being Clover and Atlas’ friends - Figure out the power system - see if I can salvage the current version of the story or if I’ll need to do a total rehaul - give the characters some interests and hobbies - THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS

[gingerylangylang1979]

Why we care so much about Carmy’s sex/no sex life

The continual discourse about Carmy having sex or not is so funny and engaging. Why? I’ve watched shows that have sex symbol stars but I’ve never experienced this level of debate and intrigue about the ambiguous nature of a character since Daryl from the The Walking Dead. Personally, I was never that invested in that character’s carnal life but Carmy, whole other story. Disclaimer: Yes, I’m biased, aren’t we all. But I’m going to try to present a few takes as best as I can in hopes of starting an interesting civil conversation. 

Here’s what we know: Carmy says he never had any girlfriends. We don’t see any sex in the show. Carmy never references sex in the show. JAW says Carmy doesn’t fuck. Storer and Calo have said they didn’t write romance into the show. Recent articles say S2 will not feature romance. That’s it.

What does that mean?: Who knows? Carmy saying he never had any girlfriends doesn’t mean he has never had sex. It also doesn’t mean he has. All it means is he never had girlfriends. Speculations about sex from just those words is just speculation. He could have had a one night stand for all we know. That still means he didn’t have a girlfriend and that’s all. And if he is a virgin, being a virgin doesn’t mean someone won’t have sex. People lose their virginity everyday. Just because sex isn’t referenced doesn’t mean it never will be, or it could remain that way. JAW saying Carmy doesn’t fuck is based on the character as he is now. Will he always be a broken shell of a man who lacks intimacy or will that change over time? And I think we should separate sex and romance. Sex can be had without romance and romance can be had without sex. 

Now there seem to be two distinct camps regarding Carmy and sex. There is the let the man live camp and the absolutely not camp. 

I’m in the let the man live camp. While I won’t abandon the show if he never has sex, because no, it isn’t the most important thing, and yes, the show is great as is, I don’t see why it’s assumed that just because Carmy being sexual isn’t a current element that it is impossible that it could be in the future. Storer said this is a coming of age story. What’s more coming of age than a character having a sexual awakening? And no, I wouldn’t expect that to happen soon for Camry, not a season 2 thing, more of an after further healing and stability thing, whatever season that could be. 

As far as the absolutely not camp I’m struggling to fully understand but I think what I’ve observed is two factions that can overlap. One is that Carmy is asexual, two is that romance would ruin the show. 

Carmy could be asexual but we don’t know that. I’m not going to go into a long discussion on what his sexuality could or couldn’t be beyond asexual because honestly I think people project what they want or want to see (nothing wrong with that) and that could be a whole other post. I think asexuality is most relevant to this conversation considering it launched from a should he or should he not have sex article. He could be asexual or he could be in a phase where he isn’t sexual. Two different things. People go from being not sexual to sexual all the time. My point is he may not be sexual now, if he’s not asexual, but that could change. People are often in a not sexual phase if they are experiencing low self worth, trauma, depression, stress. All things Carmy has experienced for years, and add grief on top of that. Do we think he will remain in that place the whole show? I hope not, I want to see healing and character development. He talked about shutting people out. What better way to let someone in than opening up to intimacy? 

Then there is the thought that romance would ruin the show and turn it into a romance. Romance could ruin the show if it’s done badly but I guess I’m just not seeing the extreme hate for even thinking of Carmy having a love/sex life and thinking it would just ruin everything. I don’t get how it would make the show a romance just because someone has a partner or even sex. What elements make a show a romance? There are many shows that have a relationship or sex happen and the show doesn’t become a romance or a soap opera. I really wish someone who feels this way would go into a bit more detail because I never see much detail fleshing out this remarks specifically in regards to this show. What exactly do people think would happen? There could still be found family, food, grieving, regardless if Carmy gets laid or has feelings for someone or not. 

Edit: I’m adding a third cam to the absolutely not fans. I feel there is a contingent that for whatever reason just want to see Carmy sad and lonely forever, for whatever reason. Like, this boy winning would piss them off or something, I dunno. I need more explanation on that one. 

Why do we all, media and fans, care so much? The simple answer is Carmy/JAW is hot. We can’t help ourselves to wonder. Carmy didn’t have to be sexy, but he is. It’s human nature to think about him having a sex life. And the cast and crew is gaslighting if they are shocked and dismayed that Carmy has become a sex symbol worthy of intense speculation. They could have gotten an unattractive lead that doesn’t have inherent swag. I know some say Carmy is swagless but I  disagree. He may not have the bold confidence of Lip but he has a manner and energy about him that is attracting even if he is socially and emotionally repressed and a bit awkward at times. It’s easy to see that translate sexually even if he is inexperienced or presently uninterested. JAW is just sexy, I haven’t seen him in every role but every role I do see him in he is magnetic and you kind of want to kiss him. I dunno, but if they didn’t want Carmy to be sexy they could have cast differently or at least not put him in tight tees that show off his tattoos and muscular biceps. Just saying. Like, what was the point otherwise? Look at the marketing. They know what they are doing and they are doing it masterfully. They are teasing us. So, for those surprised at the constant focus on him and sex, how are you surprised? Maybe I’ll do a later post on why Carmy is so sexy. 

[shidiand]

2023 year review

2022 review

Another long year -- the second year of funemployment. There were good moments, I think. But most of them were overshadowed by the glum, endless fog of the job search. I will come back to those good moments in a bit. First, the job search.

The job search It was bad. I am certain you know well that the job search in current year is steeped in misery, but please -- permit me to expound upon the horrors it subjected me to. I beg of you.

(Feel free to skip the following passage when the bleak misery of Darkest Dungeon-style narration starts to overcome (bore, or otherwise fill with unfun vibes) you.)

Gathering the resolve to emerge from the cocoon of joblessness was its own ordeal, but the weight of growing shame gave me no choice but to push forward. This was resolve I had gathered by the end of 2022, the first year of funemployment, as was discussed in 2022's review.

Despite this resolve, my ever-present sense of dread kept me from attacking the job search in earnest until March. Those first two months were spent on the first and most hopeful of my self-improvement projects, which, like the others, petered out and died a death too ignominious for me to recount in detail. This act would turn out to be a symptom of a deeper insecurity and impostor syndrome that would immediately attack me during my next hurdle, which was confronting, once again, the emptiness of my resume. Even working up the courage to look at my old resume was its own ordeal, let alone facing the lacking accomplishments and projects from the job I had run away from at the beginning of 2022, dredging up memories of two pandemic years filled with holes of depression, and forcing myself to curdle them into recruiter-friendly bullet point sentences, promoting myself with the excruciating dishonesty that the process of discovery demands.

Further subjecting myself to terror and shame, I then had to reach out to my colleagues and manager on L*nked*n to request the favour of serving as my professional references. What a mercy it was that I had somehow managed to part on good terms with all of them, without my fraudulent self coming to light, that they all jovially agreed to provide this favour. However, this meager blessing would only hang heavy around my neck during the long coming months, when the search truly began.

Slowly I began to settle into a daily routine of browsing of the Job Posting Sites, wading through those hateful, cheery descriptions with a sullen tread. I soon developed the eye with which to discern by a glance offers bearing promise from those without, well before I should try to read them in full and despair at my lacking qualifications. I developed many such mechanisms of defense, to limit the decay of my flagging spirits; filtering strictly, limiting the scope of my search and my aspirations -- fewer positions crossed my path, and the daily pains of trawling through them became all the more bearable. I could not bear to fake my way through writing a false and cheery cover letter for each hopeful spot, only to inevitably be greeted by silence: I bluntly sent only my resume, but sent all the more resumes for it. Thusly, I would play the numbers game; I whispered this to myself.

As you well imagine, it was not long until the doubts assailed me. Was the time I was investing insufficient? Was my fragile heart dooming my own efforts, just to save itself from despair? Would a hardier, more industrious soul have pushed through and sought more offers of worth, written more attractive cover letters, and have found a job already? Certainly my family took no shortage of pains to inform me of the success of my various family's friends and their children in jobs of significantly superior recompense and status while I, hapless captive audience, drove them to the produce market each week to purchase several bags' worth of delicious vegetables at competitive prices.

Every day that turned up little to no suitable results in my searches, every day I woke up to an empty inbox only served to drive home the bleakness of my search, a year delayed after the date of my last employment. The mistake of my depression, that I hadn't strength to turn away, was coming back to haunt me. But my networkless existence had no recourse to seek but this. I repeated this process for months without the strength or courage to change it. I simply drifted on.

I was not without luck, for I did receive a scant few interviews for my efforts. I tormented myself with preparation for the most common questions and further introspection about the memories of work from my troubled last job, working myself up with anxiety, and did my best to rally my sallow self into a front of appealing normalcy. Some calls were ruined by my own hand, other seemed to go almost well. A few led to technical interviews or online assessments. All ended with eventual rejection, or, worse, radio silence.

All the while, I remained caught in the cycle of madness and anxiety, paralyzed between the need for immediate results and the desire to undertake new projects and make something else of myself, an accomplishment to line my resume that would surely provide the edge I was lacking. I was crushed by the need to move forward without being able to decide how. Forcing myself into solitude, I passed the time endlessly, unproductively.

I made a number of attempts at self improvement throughout this year. None bloomed into full reward. But, I tell myself this, attempting them was a fruit in itself. I tried many things, some for my potential career, others for some distant resume-lining project, and many just for my personal interests. Gamedev ideas, full-stack curriculums, UI design, blog writing, reverse engineering, romhacking, video essay scripting; none of them culminated into something greater, but I can claim some pride in the fact that I was, each time, able to cobble together my determination long enough to attempt them at all. I created little, I despaired, but I endured.

I do not know if it was my efforts that bore fruits, or just my dogged endurance, but I received a hopeful portent in August that slowly opened the door to further interviews throughout the remainder of the year, and eventually struck a positive enough impression with an interviewer to advance to pre-hiring checks. I have yet to receive my offer from this organization, but things are going well, and I may be able to start working in January. What a welcome blessing. What a wretched journey.

I cannot provide much advice for other seekers on the path. I can only offer you the cold solace that the despair you feel was mine too. I cannot promise anything. All I can ask is that you endure.

This concludes the job search portion of the year in review.

The rest of the review There were also other things I was doing when I wasn't beating my head against the wall, or rather, avoiding the duty of doing so, the millstone that I had tied around my neck.

I finally built a new PC to replace my shit ass laptop that couldn't run most games good and didn't even have a working screen so I had to constantly keep it plugged into an external monitor and the W key kept threatening to fall out so I had to press it awkwardly every time, piece of shit fuck I carried with me when I left home in 2020 and then back when I returned home in 2022 that couldn't run any modern fighting games that my friends wanted to play without dropping frames that had me running 0 texture quality mods that made Guilty Gear Strive look like a .bmp file in motion. It was a great relief of a longstanding pain.

I drew very little, and wrote little as well. However, by the end of the year, I got excited to write again. While I was still in despair about the fate of my employment, I started working on some ideas for an original novel. This has taken a step back in favour of another set of ideas that I'm going to put into a fanfic. I've hashed out a lot of the planning already, and even finished the introductory chapter. It remains to be seen whether I will be able to follow through on it, or if I will let it fall by the wayside like my every major project before, but… I really want to write it. It desperately needs to be written. So, I think it will.

Twitter continued to decline, yet I stayed on it anyway. The sobering depression it enclosed me in granted me many thoughts as I languished in unhappiness. Alas, I will continue to use that site in my small and closed-off manner until it finally manages to drive me away, or it falls apart.

I somehow got roped into translating a Bandori doujin from traditional Chinese into English. It was a productive week of terrific pains that served as a reminder that I cannot read traditional Chinese very well. https://mangadex.org/title/f4971f28-fc7e-48a9-b103-970c692e91dc/bang-dream-sono-kamen-wa-ta-ga-tame-no

Did you know that 讓 (23? strokes) is the traditional equivalent of 让 (5 strokes)? I didn't, until I started translating. It's not the best translation I could have done. But it could have been much worse.

Um. Let's do the media roundup here.

There were many okay anime shows and manga I saw this year. At first I felt like there wasn't anything that was both complete and a life-changer that I saw, but there were a lot of pretty alright works that I enjoyed.

Hello Girl. https://malaises.itch.io/hello-girl 4 hour yuri VN entry for the indie VN Cup about Ana, a telephone switchboard operator, and her lonely life in a small town. Delightfully crafted showing on all fronts; art, music, writing, RenPy presentation.

Koi Yori Aoku (ongoing). https://mangadex.org/title/4a89da3a-ebf9-467b-94a1-beeb7d1bd3e8/koi-yori-aoku Slowly developing relationship between two girls from different schools who catch the same train one day after school and hit it off well. I'm kind of surprised the more vocal himejoshis in my peripheral circle haven't talked about this one. Its premise and setting may be mundane, but the execution of its writing and art, combined with the depth of the author gives their characters, really stand out to me.

Yuri is Forbidden for Yuri Otaku (YuriOta). https://mangadex.org/title/6e4ad3f8-9304-49e1-9b45-821488e9bc60/yuriota-ni-yuri-wa-gohatto-desu Die-hard himejoshi Watanabe Fuyu has finally made it into her school of choice: catholic girls' school, the yuri heaven of all her favourite stories. She understands that she has no part in this world of yuri, and contents herself with watching from the sidelines. But when cheery, unladylike gyaru Yoshiokari Rika threatens to destabilize this delicate ecosystem with her extremely trendy demeanour, only Fuyu can preserve this school's yuri! But can she do so without falling into the trap of breaking her manga-titling credo? Laugh out loud gags, charming art style. Then it hits you with the good stuff. Wonderful execution.

Urasekai Picnic volume 8 (novel). This series has taken a couple of directions over the course of its run, but this one was a surprise to me. There are some unforgettable scenes in this one that really feel like the culmination of every volume prior. Very happy with this one; the series could end here and I would not be too unhappy with this as an ending point.

Hirogaru Sky Precure (ongoing but almost finished). Hero girl from the floating island country of Skyland falls through portal into Japan to save a mysterious baby, she becomes Precure and helps stop darkness guys in both Japan and Skyland. Some unusual Precure decisions like a boy Precure and a young adult Precure. It's my first full airing precure viewing experience, and I'm sharing it with a friend, which has been quite pleasant. I think it's pretty decent. Not highest peak, but it's been a pleasant weekly show to share with someone else.

Girls' Frontline story events up to Chapter 13.Z via cutscene viewer https://gfl.amaryllisworks.pw/ I ended up muscling through this from beginning to 13.Z (this is the first decimal scheme I've seen that's weirder than touhou) over like a month. GFL's story is messy, hard to keep track of, and the military squad stuff wears on you; in many ways I find it lacking compared to Arknights', although they're both guilty of making me sigh and steel myself for oncoming Chinese Novels. However, it has SOP and RO, and I love SOP and RO. I'm not sure I can recommend that other people put themselves through this. But I think I had a good time. So. Sure, on the list it goes.

Lobotomy Corporation LP, then the game itself https://lparchive.org/Lobotomy-Corporation/ This is a really fun and informative LP that's like 75% composed of dialogue acted out by the agents, who the author gave their own personalities and backstories. I think it builds on the narrative of the game in a wonderful way, and it's extremely informative and strategically helpful to boot. It is very long though. A great time all the same.

I also played through the game after reading it. It's a game full of personality, love, and emergent interactions. But I have certainty that it would be horribly stressful to play blind, so you really need to consult the LP or have some friends to guide you as you play. This game is actually pretty relaxing when you're informed and feeling in control. Pretty good time.

Siren: Blood Curse (LP) This game is weird. It's an alright Siren game, I guess. It has its great moments. There were things that put me off, like I thought the protagonist was voiced by Yuri Lowenthal for the whole game, only for the credits to say otherwise. Sorry Mr. Stephen Fisher.

Pudding (Pudding and Shield Lyre) https://store.steampowered.com/app/2424240/Pudding/ Shmup-like story game. Lyra, you have to save the kingdom from the demon king with your Shield Lyre! I can only read like 50% of this game, but that which I can read, combined with the Katatema pedigree, assures me that I will love it all the more when I can read the rest of it. A game that's not as long as it seems, tragically, but it still delivers a fascinating narrative in full. As always, watson's music is a delight.

World of Horror It's pretty neat, but there's no keyboard support, so I'm clicking tiny squares all the damn time and I don't like that. Got maybe 20 hours of play out of it before I felt like I had my fill of the runs and scenarios.

Tetris There was a few weeks' stint where I got pretty into stacking tetronimos on Tetrio and really put some effort into trying to improve. But then I stopped feeling the drive to practice and learn techniques, and I haven't touched it since.

vivid/stasis (free game) https://store.steampowered.com/app/2093940/vividstasis/ Some girls in Japan investigate a weird mystery. It's also a rhythm game.

Pretty nice showcase of songs on a four key rhythm game. I appreciate the passion project production, and I played it a lot during the summer. My scores have taken a backslide after a long break, which is a bit depressing. The initial Ch.1 story wasn't quite enough to hook me, but Ch.2 has shown some more cards, so I'm a little more invested in it now.

OBAMAQUEST: The Search for the Melon Slurpee (YT video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6_puHKl_UY Travelogue of MajinObama's bullheaded bike ride from Tokyo to Asahi. A culmination of Obama's many stories about his earlier years in Japan, fighting games, and the death of the arcade. I watched this live on stream and it was a spiritual experience. This cut is only a portion of that experience, but I think it's still quite good.

I also revisited some media from my past with my abundance of time, just to confirm whether they were as good as I remembered.

Starwish: RPG Shooter (rewatched all cutscenes on YT because i cba to play that shit) Flash side-scrolling shmup with a significant VN component. I remember being really impressed by the surprising scale of this Flash-era story, and to some extent I still am, but upon reviewing all the endings, almost all of them were not that good. Only Ginny's was alright. This soured my nostalgic impression of the game greatly.

Super Paper Mario I like the story and characters a lot. The game is kind of whatever. It looks like it has more depth than it does.

Yagakimi It was enriched by a reread. Still good.

DEADBOLT Very clean stealth game about a reaper doing hits in the underworld. I think it pulls off a 2D stealth game and a 2D shooter incredibly well, it's very satisfying to land headshots but just tricky enough to require good execution to perform consistently. Game has a good length on first playthrough, but streamlines to a nice short length when speedrunning. I spent a few weeks going for the deathless clear but never got there before I gave in. Stylish presentation and bumping Chris Christodoulou (Risk of Rain) OST.

Blood Bowl: Chaos Edition WH40k board dice strategy game about scifi fantasy bloodsport football. Features long-term team building and perilous RNG. Reasonably entertaining in single player for some time. Got my fill of it after achieving a reasonably developed Orc team and not feeling much resistance from the AI any longer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQB5aandpf4 An authority I follow has recommended not playing this game.

Fallout: New Vegas I mean, it's good, it's full of fun stuff, but the combat lost its luster for me after some point. I went through some pains to curate a big list of recommended mods and such but I still fell victim to loss of momentum eventually, didn't make it through the full DLC lineup. I like the character of the New Vegas wasteland and its quests a lot though. Not bad.

Helen's Mysterious Castle https://store.steampowered.com/app/418190/Helens_Mysterious_Castle/ Extremely cleanly put together RPGMaker game with a really nice take on turn-based combat. Worth just to see what it does. Simple but doesn't overstay its welcome. I'm glad I went back to finish it.

Bones of an Invisible Person (reread) https://mangadex.org/title/0717cb7b-b36f-49df-baa5-70a8006099b7/the-bones-of-an-invisible-person A girl who endured family abuse for too long discovers she has the ability to turn invisible. She kills her dad without being caught, and then must live on. It's still quite good. Some motivations I didn't understand on my first read made more sense to me this time. There's an omake chapter floating around on other sites, but I recommend that you don't read it and just let Chapter 22 stay your pleasant last memory of the story. It will only remind you that this author was the author who wrote Semelparous OMEGALUL

Healer Girl (mostly complete rewatch) Girls train to become medical healers who heal through song. This may sound corny, but the writing establishes vocal healing as a new emerging field that intertwines with modern medical practice, it's quite well done. It's still good. Delightful musical bits and very fun characters. And I still was moved by the episodes that moved me when I first saw them.

Titan Souls I tried it a while ago, and I tried it again. As echoed in other reviews, the runback time is unacceptably long for a game where you die in one hit. Reflushed.

End of Goldfish Kingdom https://mangadex.org/title/bf238392-168e-48b4-af02-2d78a413d568/end-of-goldfish-kingdom Story about a young girl who decides to give up eating meat, and the ordeal of stubbornly clinging to this pure ideal. As a manga, it's delightfully drawn and quite well-written. Well worth the read.

This concludes the media portion of this year in review.

Not much left to discuss. I think I've accepted that I'm in Touhou retirement. I got excited when I saw the 19 announcement, but by the time it released I no longer cared to play it or read about all the cross-dialogues within. I feel a bit estranged from the community these days. I've made my peace with that. I'll still read the works of authors I know, and reflect fondly on works I remember, but I'm hibernating once more as my focus shifts to some other fandom.

I'm cooling down on fighting games somewhat too. One of my potential resume projects was fighting game-related, but as it died I've lost a lot of my passion to write about them. I don't watch Will It Kill any more, nor Sajam livestreams (although I still enjoy watching his edited pieces on YT). And I don't think I really ever had the drive to grind and improve on any particular character for any particular game. I still enjoy doing cool combos in training mode, and they are still fascinating and meaningful to me, but I've accepted that I'll probably never become a cool expert at them. That's fine.

I made new friendships, rekindled old ones, deepened others, let a few drift away. By my own standards, I think I did alright socially. When I'm bored, I sometimes read back through my Discord DMs and smile.

Was I funny? Was I good to other people? Did I create things I liked? Did I grow as a person?

I think so. So, it was an alright year for me. Despite the agonies.

Horrors abound in the world around us. I feel quite powerless, all the time. So all I can do is focus on doing what I can for myself, for now. I will continue to move forward once more in 2024.

"There's no guarantee that I will reach the peak that is preserved for me. I may get cheated out of it; I might cheat myself out of it."

This quote comes from James Booker, and is used in the song "Peak" by Windmills from their album "Stay Golden". Windmills is a hip-hop group whose output ranges from pretty good to sort of whatever. Mostly whatever. But thanks for the quote.

As I write, I am currently doing idle game cocaine at the end of the year again, but this is kind of a recent thing so im going to leave it out of the formal count. I have chosen not to disclose the identity of the idle game in question for the safety of my followers. This shit is spreadsheet crack. I now choose to optimistically believe that my avid play of this game will not portend ill omens from myself in the coming year, as I magically develop the discipline and focus to set it aside when I need to.

We're all going to make it. That's what I choose to believe.

[thevirgodoll]

Hey Doll.

I really really need your help, please.

I keep falling to be the same person. Everything is bad.

I hate how I treat people, i tried changing several times but I keep falling.

I hate the constant need to feel validated. I started doing some hobbies to enhance my self esteem, but when performing these, I am like “are they looking? They are probably laughing at me” and I turn these thoughts away with “they are no one to me, I don’t need their opinion…” but I keep failing again. It’s so hard.

Excuse the following length of my reply, as I feel passionately about this because I understand exactly what this is like. Something in your life is causing you to ruminate more than usual.

Rumination, also called repetitive negative thinking, is a thought pattern that involves repeatedly and passively focusing on the causes, consequences, and meaning of negative feelings and circumstances.

Humans are natural problem solvers, but sometimes in that we look for solutions to confirm our biases. This is where ruminative thinking begins. This is where dissonance begins. I learned in therapy and my own studies in social cognition that repetitive negative patterns are often created in our childhood out of survival, not a lack of character.

This is why it's helpful to ask:

Why am I having these thoughts?

How do I avoid this, and what is going on currently to create this thought process?

What are my triggers?

You are correct in saying that hobbies will distract from ruminating and compulsively overthinking. However, your constant judgment regarding these positive coping mechanisms will do more harm than good.

You are also correct in identifying how you treat others. It's time to ask yourself why you are so critical of yourself and others. It is also time to accept that, yes, someone else's opinion is their own and you can't control that. It is also time to ask if you project onto others because of your own self criticism or fragile ego.

Remember: Multiple things can be true at once, it's not so black or white that you are automatically an irredeemable person who can't be better. Dust yourself off and try again lol.

Your candor to admit you are falling short and wish to do better is already a sign of improvement. If you're able to admit this to me, an objective stranger, then you are already starting the process.

Try focusing on what you can control. You can only control your self concept. Sometimes, people have to be in the background... (exception: close friends and family *who are healthy in themselves* holding you accountable!)

I highly recommend identifying your triggers, and if this type of introspection proves to be more challenging than you anticipated, therapy is a solution if you have the resources. I also highly recommend journaling, as studies have proved it reduces repetitive thinking because it helps you see your thought process.

Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope this helps, and I'm rooting for you! ❤️

References:

Berman MG, Peltier S, Nee DE, Kross E, Deldin PJ, Jonides J. Depression, rumination and the default network. Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2011;6(5):548–555. Harrington, J. A., & Blankenship, V. (2002). Ruminative thoughts and their relation to depression and anxiety 1. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 32(3), 465-485. LaClaire, A. (2008). The influence of journaling on the reduction of physical symptoms, health problems, and anxiety in women (Doctoral dissertation, Adler School of Professional Psychology).

Recommended:

8 Self Defeating Thoughts that Wreak Havoc

Two Things You Can Do To Stop Ruminating

My Posts:

Advice

People Pleasing

Coping Mechanisms

Journal Prompts

Answer on Rumors & Interpersonal Issues

Practices for Self Worth

Building Habits