Text
it’s so hot i can’t even think ugfhfhdhfhhdjfjdjf
#the humidity too im gonna die#no amount of sitting in an air conditioned room can fix it#it’s like el niño arrives and the heat seats itself into my bones brooooo i’m exhausted#and groggy and languid and yadda yadda ang inet gago 😭😭😭😭#wait no actually i don’t think it’s hot/dry enough to be el niño yet i’m just in dramatics#hate the heat hate this climate hate not being able to THINK !#moi
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yandere Nagas
Their gender(s) are up to you. Yandere nagas x gn reader
Idea I might think more on later
Several yandere nagas you take care of that are in a type of zoo. They’re abnormal in that they’re not the typical rumored antisocial kind. They have a more human-like nature added to their personalities, making them rather sociable. However, they’re such a rare and unique creature, that they’ve been put in the zoo for show. It’s actually for their safety. Many others that were found in the wild were either illegally hunted and killed or died by the harsh climates their body just couldn’t tolerate.
At the zoo upon their first meeting with each other, they had separate caves in the enclosure. There are no windows or cameras for them to have their privacy if they wanted, but it wasn’t needed. They all shared so the cave was remodeled to be one big cave.
They’re incredibly intelligent and picked up on human language very quickly. They were taught by the previous “caretaker” of them, but they sensed some malice within that person. They killed him when he brought in a gun one night and tried to shoot them. After that, the new “caretakers” were thoroughly run through to make sure there was no illegal hunting background. They found the old one was found of poaching a tiger and skinning it, then brung it back to his house in a different country.
After that, you started, and they were all drawn to you instantly. You hate to admit it, but you were fascinated by them. You always wanted a pet snake and love the feel of their scales. You just didn’t have the money at the moment to properly take care of one.
Their love for you grew all the more when you noticed one of them acting a little different and figured out fast they had some sort of illness that wasn’t contagious to humans. They were separated for a while for treatment, and you made sure to visit them frequently as to not let them get lonely.
The end of their tail started to latch onto your bare ankle whenever you were nearby cleaning their sterile enclosure. You didn’t mind it and accidentally let it slip you like their scale’s texture.
They took that as the go-ahead and latched on more. It got worse when the sick one went back to being with the others since they all wanted in on it. At least they’re careful and make sure you never fall and hit the ground.
One thing is they don’t know personal space so it becomes more and more common to be wrapped in one or more of their tails one way or another.
It gets worse when the days start getting colder. They have their heated cave, but it just isn’t enough in their opinions. They want you in the cuddle pile.
One day it’s a record-breaking cold that slips through the glass even with the zoo’s best efforts. It was late at night and you were finishing up searching for any holes to temporarily fill with foam to easily find and be fixed later.
One distracts you while another trips you. A third quickly coils around you and a fourth does the same, also covering your mouth as they drag you into the rather dark cave. Only a very dim light in the ceiling making you just barely able to see their traits. The temperature difference is rather great.
The other two quickly follow in and quickly find a place around your body to coil as well.
You’re piled and stuck in a knot with the nagas wrapping and coiling snugly around you. Their heads, torsos, and tails all going together to not leave any uncovered skin besides your face and hands.
The nagas all fully agree they do not want to let you go, and will find any way possible to make sure you can do this again. Maybe they can talk the zoo owners to allowing it and making you stay~
Struggling is absolutely fruitless with all the solid muscle around your body. Even if you managed to escape, there are four compared to just one of you.
… well, at least they’re smart enough to not coil tight enough to cut off your oxygen. Almost though.
#yandere x reader#x reader#yandere x you#yandere nagas#yandere naga x you#yandere naga x reader#yandere idea#naga x reader
908 notes
·
View notes
Text
District Girl (Part 2) || (Peacekeeper) Coriolanus Snow x Reader || Smut
Outline: Coriolanus doesn’t like how friendly you are to other men and how much you ignore him on his evening out at the Hob. So he decides to leave you with a lasting impression of him.
Word count: 4’189
Warnings: possessive and obsessive behavior, power imbalance, unprotected s*x and explicit smut.
Author’s note: I wasn’t planning on making this a series, District Girl was just an attempt to get me out of my writer’s block to finally finish my other Coriolanus Snow series but since a few people requested more, here’s a part 2. Thanks for being so supportive of my writing, it truly means a lot. 🖤
(( Part 1 )) - (( Part 3 ))
They had been running for half an hour in the heavy heat, circling the barracks as their commander yelled orders at them. Coriolanus knew the man was trying to motivate his troops by insulting them, barking at them that they were worthless and useless, that even his grandma would do better at running in such a humid climate but this kind of tactical psychology didn’t seem to work on the young man. The more he heard his superior taunting them, the less he wanted to comply to his orders. He simply hated authority.
When he still was a student at the academy, he only had to show the due respect to his professors and - although the dean was an idiot - none of them had power over his every action and thoughts. Now as a peacekeeper, he was supposed to mindlessly follow orders from people regarded as better than him, even though some of them came from districts that were almost as poor as district 12. It was an aberration. One that Coriolanus would immediately fix if he had his say on how Panem was ruled.
Sweat dripped from his forehead, his pale eyes were burning with such intense sunlight. He felt uneasy. He dropped to his knees, his shirt so wet it was glued to his frame.
“Get up or get out, Snow!” The commander yelled, bringing everyone else’s attention on him. He felt embarrassed. He didn’t want the others to think that he was weaker than them. Especially not when Smiley seemed close to fainting too and Junius was paler than he had ever seen him before.
Coriolanus stood back up, wiping his face with his humid hand. He needed water. He needed to be dry. He needed a lot of things but running wasn’t one of them. So he left, heading back to the barracks under his superior’s disappointed glare.
He immediately went under the shower, letting the cold water wash the sweat and filth from his body. He knew he’d be sweating again the moment he’d step out from under the water and his dry spare uniform wouldn’t stay in this state for more than an hour or two so he took his time, closing his eyes and leaning against the cold bathroom tiles.
His heart was hammering in his chest, from the effort most likely but maybe also because, for the past few days, he hadn’t been able to look at his cock without thinking about your lips closed around it. He didn’t even know your name, you were just a district girl, and yet, you had invaded his every thoughts. Day and night, he kept replaying the events in his head, remembering how good it felt to fuck your mouth and what a lovely sight you were, on your knees in front of him.
He had been taking care of the erection such images gave him as well as he could. Most times, he was able to see you again when he closed his eyes and focused hard enough on recalling your features. He clearly remembered the color of your eyes because he had been mesmerized by them and the way they watered when he was mercilessly thrusting his cock down your throat. But, to his utter despair, he couldn’t quite picture what your body looked like anymore. He knew it was perfect, tailored exactly to his taste, but the images were vanishing from his mind the more days went by.
He turned the shower off, his cock hard and begging for relief again. Fortunately, his bunkmates were still busy being tortured by the commander so his dorm was empty.
He sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning to retrieve a piece of colorful fabric from underneath his pillow. He kept it neatly folded, ready to be used if he needed it. That piece of your skirt proved to be pretty useful in times such as this, when his cock was begging to fill you up again.
He ran the fabric through his fingers, remembering how that skirt hugged your hips. By the time he removed the towel from his waist, his erection was rock hard, practically throbbing with desire.
He closed his hand over it, the soft fabric of your skirt enveloping his sensitive skin as he slowly started to pump. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.
A shudder shook his body, his need for relief becoming almost unbearable. The cool textile of your clothing felt nothing like the warmth and wetness he had found in your mouth. He was certain that your pussy wouldn’t be cold either, it probably would feel as unbearably hot and humid as the weather did. He tightened his fingers around his shaft, trying to mimic how tight he imagined you’d feel with his dick buried deep inside you. He increased the speed of his movements, imagining your perfect body bouncing in reaction, your eyes watering again from how brutally he was ramming inside of you and then, he’d spill his release in you. There would be so much that it would stain your panties afterwards. It would drip from your tight cunt. It would be a reminder that he had marked you as his.
Unfortunately, the image of you completely spent and dizzy with pleasure under him faded from his mind, replaced by the cruel reality. An important amount of cum was coating the piece of your skirt, wasted instead of filling you up.
He thought about trying to clean it up, wanting to make this keepsake of you last forever, and in pristine condition if possible. But the noise of the returning peacekeepers forced him to abandon the idea, at least for now. He quickly put his spare uniform on as footsteps were approaching and, just as the door of his dorm opened, he discreetly slipped the fabric stained by his seed inside his pocket.
“Man, training beat my ass today. I think it calls for a beer or two.” Junius told him, as he gathered his towel and soap for the shower. “Let’s go to the hob tonight.”
Music was playing, people were happily chatting and laughing, good spirits filling the old warehouse. Coriolanus only agreed to accompany his colleagues because he was in desperate need of a strong drink to numb his mind, but he didn’t like how the Hob still smelled like coal and sweat, even though it had been abandoned for a while.
The good mood of the residents of district 12, enjoying the music and a drink after a hard day at work, and the apparent excitement of his bunkmates did very little to help lift up his spirits. He had heard better music in the Capitol and clearly, alcohol was far more raffined and tasteful there than here. If anything, the drink he had been served tasted like fermented potatoes. But well, at least it did the job and helped him relax a bit.
But his calmness didn’t last long. His whole body shot up straight and alert when he saw your familiar face among the crowd, smiling at a peacekeeper that wasn’t him. It made sense that, sooner or later, he was going to see you again but he wasn’t expecting you to be the kind to hang out at the Hob late a night. But then, what did he know ? It wasn’t like he had any idea of what kind of person you were. All he really knew was that you were amazing at sucking his dick… It should have been enough. He should move on and stop thinking about it. About you. But he couldn’t.
“Hey boys, do you need a refill ?” You asked them, startling Coriolanus. He had been lost in his thoughts about you again, so deeply that he hadn’t noticed you approaching him and his cock slowly came alive at the sound of your voice.
Junius handed you his empty cup and you winked at him. Then, you turned around to take a look at Coriolanus’s glass, still fairly full.
“I’ll be right back with a cold beer.” You told Junius, smiling at him but barely acknowledging the other peacekeepers’ presence. Including his.
Coriolanus watched you make your way through the dancing crowd all the way to the bar set up in the corner of the warehouse. You slipped behind the counter, filling up Junius’ cup at the same time as you engaged in another conversation, with another peacekeeper.
“I think she was flirting with me.” Junius said, smugly. Smiley agreed, even clapping a hand on his back as a congratulating gesture but his enthusiasm died down once he noticed the way their friend was glaring at both of them.
He didn’t like you smiling so carelessly at everyone. Surely, many other men were as dumb as Junius and would believe that you were openly flirting with them. They’d probably attempt to flirt back. What if that bothered you ? Or worse, what if you liked it ?
And why were you ignoring him ? Out of everyone else here, he should have been the only one worthy of your smiles, and yet, you had barely even glanced at him. Could you have forgotten him ? Impossible. Not when you were obsessing him day and night, surely you must have felt the same. You probably touched yourself at night while thinking about him just like he did when he thought about you. Right ?
You walked back to their little group, handing a cup overflowing with foam to Junius. He paid for his drink, and you slipped the coin he gave you in the pocket of your apron with an enthusiastic thank you. That was when Coriolanus finally noticed what you were wearing today, the same kind of basic shirt you were wearing the other day and the same skirt, still torn and shorter than what he remembered, covered by a stained beige apron.
“Do you work here ?” Coriolanus asked you, finally managing to catch your attention.
“Yes, do you need anything?”
He stared at you for a moment, trying to figure out if you really didn’t remember him or if you were simply pretending, maybe out of politeness in front of his colleagues. But since he couldn’t interpret the fake smile plastered on your face, he shook his head to answer you and you nodded back at him, leaving his group without another glance at him.
He watched as you talked to other men, smiling and even laughing at one peacekeeper’s joke. His friends didn’t notice, thanks to the alcohol they kept gulping down, but he was growing incredibly irritated by your behavior. You didn’t pay him any attention, doing your job and, even when someone needed you to refill their glass nearby where he was standing, you still wouldn’t look at him.
Was he that forgettable ? Maybe. He could understand that you wouldn’t have cared about pleasuring him that much since you got nothing out of it after all, apart from getting out of trouble. He hadn’t exactly blown you away with his skills so how could you know what you missed ? Perhaps you needed him to show you what he was capable of too. Then you’d obsess over him just as much as he did over you.
Yeah, it was a good plan. He’d be a gentleman, approach you politely and sway you with his charm so that you’ll give him a chance to show you how lucky you were to be the center of his attention.
But there you were again, smiling at Junius as you brought him another cup of foaming beer and, judging by how Smiley clapped his bunkmate’s back again, he was about to make a move on you. How stupid could he be ? As if he could ever be your type.
“You know, I was wondering if you’d like to go somewhere more… Quiet ? With me ? You know why.” Junius told you, his wobbly voice betraying how many drinks he had had already. Coriolanus rolled his eyes at his friend’s pathetic attempt to flirt. It was even sadder that he knew Junius would have never dared to even look at you if he hadn’t drank four cups of liquid courage beforehand.
“Maybe later ?” You shrugged, with a smile that made Junius’s eyes go wide in shock. Smiley cheered for his friend because it wasn’t as bad as the refusal they were all expecting, which caused Coriolanus’ blood to boil. What the hell was wrong with you ? “I still have a few hours left in my shift.”
You walked away, leaving both peacekeepers staring in excitement and slight disbelief. Was it a yes ? A promise ? Even Coriolanus wasn’t sure what to make of it but he knew it definitely wasn’t the answer he had hope you’d give his friend.
He downed his cup in frustration - he too in need of a dose of liquid courage after all - and took off after you, following you all the way back to the counter. You didn’t notice him right away, busy filling up a glass for a patron but, when you walked away, he grabbed you by the arm, making you spill the beer over your shirt.
“I need to talk to you.” He said, very aware of a few pairs of eyes staring at him, an array of saviors ready to fly to your rescue if you showed any sign that he was bothering you.
“Crap.” You breathed, trying to clean up the drops that would surely be making your skin sticky later. Coriolanus took the glass out of your hand, placing it on the counter with a thud. You still were ignoring him and he was done being patient.
He dragged you to the door behind the makeshift bar, not knowing where it led but satisfied when he stepped into a supply room, filled with barrels of -most likely illegal - alcohol and a few crates of old bread. He closed the door, feeling instant relief as the music suddenly felt miles away instead of blasting in his ears. You stared at him, crossing your arms over your chest with an expression that made it clear that you weren’t happy with him.
Good, that made two of you.
“Did you suck off every peacekeeper in this District to not even remember me ?”
“I do remember you but I didn’t know we were supposed to be best friends now ?” You replied, your tone impatient. “And what if I did suck everyone off anyway ? Could you really blame me ? Sometimes you’ve got to do what you can to ensure your survival. I’m sure you know what it’s like if you ever knew poverty. Maybe someone in your family had to do the exact same thing. Maybe they’re still doing it, who knows ? That’s just how the world works.”
He had to repress a grimace. He didn’t like to think about what his cousin may have done for their survival… And he liked it even less thinking about you, giving yourself away to all these men for the same reason.
“What do you want ? Another round in exchange of your silence ?” You asked him. It was exactly what he wanted. But now that he knew he was just one out of many others, it didn’t seem that appealing anymore. Not if it meant you’d be able to go on with your life afterwards, without thinking about him while he would stay completely captive of the idea of meeting you again. You looked at him and your eyes suddenly softened, a blush creeping up to your cheeks. “Did you… Did you just want to bring this back to me ? I’m so sorry, I’m so used to other men wanting to take advantage, I assumed you would too.”
Coriolanus was a bit confused by such a change in your behavior, you went from upset with him to relaxed in a matter of seconds and he wasn’t even sure he understood why, until he followed your gaze to the pocket of his uniform, from which the torn piece of your skirt was peeking out. He couldn’t give it back to you. He needed it. And after what he had done to it, he couldn’t even let you touch it. If you did see the dry cum covering the fabric, you’d know how he had lost his mind thinking about you.
“I’m nothing like the others.” Coriolanus stated, a bit vexed that you thought he was.
“I see that now.” You assured him, approaching him with a smile. You were waiting for him to pull the piece of fabric out of his pocket and hand it back to you but he couldn’t. He stayed still, internally panicking and trying to find a way out of it. In front of his silence, your eyes grew weary. “Unless you wanted to ask me something in exchange of it ?”
Dammit. If he didn’t react quickly, you’ll think he’s like the others again. You’ll think he wanted to take advantage of you and now he knew you were far more compliant and friendly when you trusted him to not do that.
“No, of course not.” He said, managing to keep his voice calm and low enough to not betray his panic. “In fact, I came to make sure that we’d be even.”
You raised an eyebrow at his words, curious to hear what he had to say. He smiled, glad that he had managed to catch your attention. Adapting his behavior and words in order to seduce the person in front of him was something he usually was good at, even though he didn’t have that many opportunities to practice his talents anymore.
“What do you mean ?”
Instead of answering, he closed the gap between your bodies and pressed his lips on yours for a passionate kiss he had often dreamed about. He hoped it would be good enough to change your mind, make you forget about the piece of your skirt he had discreetly tugged back into his pocket. But, as much as he wanted to make you lose your mind, his own thoughts grew hazy at how badly he wanted you. That kiss, as hungry and wet as it was, got rid of the last of his restraints. His body surged with desire, drawn to yours like a magnet, hungry like you were the only thing that could save him from starvation.
He reached low and cupped your ass in his large hands, hoisting you up in his arms. A surprised sound escaped your lips but you didn’t protest, circling his waist with your legs to steady yourself in his arms. He took a few steps until you felt the wooden table on which a few crates were stacked and you jumped when you heard the noise of them tumbling to the floor, making room for you instead.
Coriolanus sat you on the now empty table, his gaze wandering to your thighs, your skirt pulled almost all the way up. Both of you watched his hand tentatively reach between your legs, bringing your skirt and apron out of the way and revealing your panties. He trailed a finger over the fabric, feeling the warmth and humidity collecting between your folds. It reminded him of how it felt when his cock slided in your mouth, and the thought of what it might feel like to bury himself in your pussy this time almost made him dizzy with desire.
Every time he had thought about you, he had imagined fucking you sensless. Taking your pussy, shooting his release deep inside you and eventually letting you suck his cock clean afterwards. But, after what you had told him and now that he knew that what you wanted was someone who wouldn’t be egoistic enough to take and never give back, he had no choice but to fight against the almost painful strain of his cock aching for you.
It took all of his willpower to not give in when he slowly brought your panties down your legs. You were so ripe and ready to be fucked already. Was it the effect he had on you ? If he could get you this wet with just a kiss on the lips, he had no doubt that you wouldn’t ignore him ever again. Not after what he was about to do to you. To show you just how different he was from the others. And how he should be the only one allowed to touch you from now on.
He fell to his knees in front of you and parted your wet folds with his tongue. You gasped and his cock painfully twitched at the sound. He held your thighs apart with a strong grip on them. His tongue taking a few licks before pausing to fully taste you.
Delicious.
He licked a few more times, without any pattern in mind, just for the pleasure of tasting you on his tongue over and over again but, from the ragged breaths coming out of your mouth, it seemed that you liked it anyway.
When he felt your bud, right there under the tip of his tongue, he brought himself closer so that he could suck on it, causing you to throw your head back with a moan.
Then, his tongue wandered to the hole he so desperately dreamed about filling with his cock. He brought it past your tight entrance, making his nose press against your sensitive clit which got another moan out of you. Your hand found his head, dragging him even closer to you, as if you wanted him to get even deeper. So he did his best, continuing to gently fuck you with his tongue while the friction of his nose between your folds made your body tremble.
He gasped for air, moving away and instantly regretted it. You were leaning back on the table, one hand squeezing your boob, teeth biting down on your lower lip to keep yourself from being too loud. Your thighs were wide open for him, your pussy glistening with his saliva and your own arousal. Your clit was red, almost swollen from his rough sucking and it took every damn inch of himself to not instantly get up and shove his dick inside you. Your body was practically begging for it, so perfect and ready for him, as if you existed solely to be fucked by him.
But no, he wouldn’t give in. As painful as the perspective of taking care of his erection on his own, under the covers of his bed while his friends would be sleeping was, he was determined to leave an everlasting impression on you this time.
He took a deep breath and shoved his face to your pussy once more, making you whine and beg for release. Once his jaw couldn’t quite follow the rythym you needed anymore, he decided to use his fingers instead, pinching your mistreated bud while his other finger passed the tight ring of your entrance, exploring you deeper than his tongue could. He pushed it as far inside you as he could before he started his back and forth motions, mimicking what he would do if it was his cock filling you up.
He went faster. Faster. Faster. Until you gasped in pleasure, your walls tightening and pulsating around his finger. Your whole body contracted, your thighs closing in around his neck. Your mouth opened to let out a cry and once again, Coriolanus had to fight against his very primitive instincts to keep himself from shoving his hard cock in your mouth to silence your cries.
Once finally your body relaxed, he stood back up, a smug grin on his face. Of course, he would have liked being the one to get a bit of relief - he was still so hard and ready for you - but he felt oddly proud at how strongly you had orgasmed because of him. Surely, if his fingers and mouth could do that, you’d be obsessing and fantasizing about his cock for the rest of the week.
You wiped the sweat from your forehead and adjusted your hair and skirt, a lovely crimson blush on your face. You noticed the impressive buldge in Coriolanus’s pants and pressed a hand against it, wanting to thank him properly for the intense pleasure he had given you but he moved your hand away, shaking his head and kissing you instead.
“You’ve got to work and I have some friends to walk back to the barracks before they do something stupid.” He explained, his body violently protesting and wanting to let you give him some relief too but he was determined to follow his plan. “But maybe we could meet again sometime ?”
You nodded, still seeming a bit struck by the intensity of your orgasm. With a grin, he planted one last kiss on your lips before leaving the supply room, the torn piece of your skirt still securely tugged in his pocket.
#smut#coriolanus smut#coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus snow x you#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus x you#coriolanus imagine#coriolanus x y/n#peacekeeper!coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow x female!reader#snow smut#tbosas smut#tbosas#smutty fanfiction#corionalus snow#coriolanus fanfiction
393 notes
·
View notes
Text
so why don't you think jazz feels the other cullen's thirst?? he's an empath right? can you make me anon?
With the usual caveat of everyone should read and write the fanfic they like and characters are up to personal interpretation. . . I don't buy the 'Jasper feels everyone's thirst' argument for the following reasons:
Jasper deals with emotions. Thirst is a biological drive, a physical sensation. I don't think there's anything about how Jasper's gift is described to work in canon that suggests he's feeling anyone else's physical pain, thirst or otherwise. Fear, happiness, self-doubt, anger, hate, love, yes yes yes. Emotional pain? Sure. Thirst, hunger, heat, cold? No.
In Midnight Sun, Edward experiences JASPER's thirst, not the other way around: "This was all quite normal, usually easy to ignore. It was harder just now, with the feelings stronger, doubled, as I monitored Jasper’s reaction. Twin thirsts, rather than just mine." And that makes sense to me? Because Edward's gift is literally getting into someone's head, experiencing the world as they are experiencing it in that moment. Jasper's not in your head. He feels what you feel but he doesn't know the why. He's not a mind reader. He knows you're feeling desperate and ashamed and maybe guesses, "someone smells good, huh?" but he doesn't know, IMO.
Here's my biggest hurdle, though: I can't understand how Jasper would have been an effective second in command to Maria if he were feeling all the newborns' thirsts all the time! I get that the Cullens have a self-denial thing going on and may be 'thirstier' than the average mature vampire, but surely being surrounded by dozens of ravenous newborns would be worse? How would he be able to concentrate, to train, to fight, to survive, during all that if he were experiencing newborn-levels of thirst times 10, 20, whatever all the time? Jasper says in Eclipse that HATE was his constant companion, not thirst. He also says in Eclipse that being with the Cullens is a climate he enjoys; if he were being tortured by six other thirsts, I tend to doubt he'd enjoy it.
I think it's just more INTERESTING if this isn't the problem! It's more interesting if he's just bad at it. Giving him the excuse of "well he can't help it he has to feel all the other thirsts" is boring to me. I LIKE him being bad at it! I like the idea that he's not totally sold on the whole Cullen thing, that he's doing this for Alice, that he has bad habits from Maria, that maybe he's intellectually fine with eating humans and but forced to grapple with it emotionally because he has to feel the emotions of those he's killing . . . THAT's more interesting to me than making excuses for him. Of course, your mileage may vary there! This one is totally subjective!
I will concede that he may feel emotions related to thirst. Shame, guilt, anger, desire, whatever, and that could be distracting and make self-control a bit more difficult. But I don't think it's literally the thirst (as in physical thirst/pain) and I don't think it's the root of the problem given that he was able to function as a leader during his time with Maria and wasn't driven to distraction by the ravenous thirsts of dozens of newborns.
You may now all return to proving me wrong on my own polls as I die fruitlessly upon my lonely hill. 🪦
115 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ohh, how about the Tieflings experiencing snow? And how do they make sure not to freeze off the tips of their ears and their tails? Also with how they are more fine with heat, I feel like Rolan is the type of bitch (affectionate) to already complain about it being freezing at 15°F
I have to admit Anon, I'm also the type of bitch that thinks 15°F is freezing. I'm used to a nice temperate climate (with awful weather) and the idea of being outside in almost -10°c horrifies me, I do hope you like the headcanons though :)
The bachelors experiencing the snow
Dammon
I feel like Dammon runs hotter than most tieflings, they all already run hot but Dammon even more so
It honestly probably helps in the forge
It also means that when he steps foot into the snow it tends to slowly melt under the thin soles of his boots
Dammon loves the snow and thinks it's beautiful, but it tends to leave him with wet socks if he doesn't wear the right footwear
You'll find it's still very easy to drag your lover out into the snow with you though for a bit of a winter romp
Just don't be surprised when this cheeky tiefling decides to try and ball up some snow as soon as your back is turned
As soon as the powdery snow breaks against your back you know all vets are off, the two of you desperately trying to one up the other
You'll need to find a space were you won't bother anyone because Dammon gets very into his snowball fights
He's a fierce opponent but eventually, when you're both feeling the chill, there will be a truce
Dammons also the type to always wear his scarf when it snows outside, but only so he can wrap it around you if yours is forgotten at home
Zevlor
This paladin loves the snow
He doesn't run particularly hot or cold so he's able to spend a fair amount of time out in the chill
He loves to bundle you both up in cold weather clothes and go for a stroll
Walking along the water, hand in hand, he likes to admire the way your breath freezes in the air as you speak to him
It's all very relaxed and domestic, perfect for a retired hellrider like Zevlor
When the two of you make it back inside he's quick to warm you both back up, wrapping you in a blanket and making hot chocolate on the stove
You spend the rest of the even cuddled up to his side on the couch, watching the snow fall as you drink steaming mugs of cocoa
Zevlor also strikes me as the type of guy to know about the pouring maple syrup into snow to make a maple lolliepop thing
He'd definitely do it to surprise you with a homemade sweet treat
Please give Zevlor a kiss, he spoils you so much
Rolan
Rolan hates the snow
He runs cold as far as tieflings are concerned and he strikes me as the type to have poor circulation that just mildly annoys him
If you want to get him out in the snow you'll have to recruit his siblings to come help
Don't worry though, Cal and Lia love to drag him out into the winter wonderland despite how much he tells them it's 'freezing'
Rolan is also very glad his ears are covered by his hair, or they might just get cold enough to fall off
It's not uncommon for you to be issued with a challenge to see who can make a better snowman, you and Rolan or Cal and Lia
And so the wizard reluctantly spends his afternoon playing in the snow with you and his siblings
As much as he loves his siblings, Rolan also wants to get his own back at them, so he uses his magic to beat them every single time
Just be glad they only dared to challenge him to a snowball fight once
#bri answers#baldurs gate 3#bg3#baldurs gate 3 x reader#bg3 x reader#baldurs gate 3 dammon#bg3 dammon#dammon x reader#baldurs gate 3 zevlor#bg3 zevlor#zevlor x reader#baldurs gate 3 rolan#bg3 rolan#rolan x reader
215 notes
·
View notes
Text
Under The Moonlight
Vladimir Makarov x Reader
Summary: You think the Commander hates your taste in music. Why is he so judgmental about what you listen to in your free time? Turns out... maybe you were caught up on the wrong thing.
Words: 2.3k
Warnings: (Vlad should probably be a warning in of itself), Passive-Aggressiveness? , Spying, Grabbing,
A/N: Ugh... I love (and hate) this song bc it gets stuck in my head so easily and it gives me such fantasy vibes. I can't help but imagine wedding vibes and him with this song every listen. btw put two diff versions in links bc those are 2/3 that I have and listen to.
"You know Arabic?" He'd asked. The first time he'd stumbled upon you listening to the song, more than curious when you'd also been singing along. With a shake of your head and a slight smile of embarrassment simultaneously dusting your cheeks with blush, this only makes his eyebrows furrow. "Then how do you know the words?"
The laugh that tumbles past your lips does nothing but further turn up the heat on the already boiling frustration and inconsequential meltdown that will no doubt later take place. "By listening to it," you answer, an inkling of a smile returning in spite of his fury, "over, and over... and over again."
With an annoyed puff of breath you know he's done with you, about to make his leave. "Why?" You ask. For once, you've swapped places as your curious eyes seek out his form.
"Because it would be useful information to know." Ever the cryptic, of course that's all he leaves you with before turning his back to you, arms crossed over his chest as he exits the room.
The second time he hears the song, he's in between meetings. It's one of those rare days where he has a little free time, not that he knows how to spend that sort of thing anymore. Having entered the library, he can hear the radio playing the Arabic song once more. Your voice joins it, again, and Vladimir finds himself subtly eyeing his surroundings as the corners of his lips twitch, tugging at a smile.
He schools himself, able to keep himself in line. While the bookshelves keep him out of view and no one's in the vicinity, he quietly strolls through the stacks, hand grazing the many novels. It seems that now you've been here longer, you're starting to get more comfortable. Even if your voice isn't the loudest, the quiet nature of a library certainly doesn't help as it carries your voice, he's sure, outdoors to the nearby stationed guards.
Once he's around the nearest bookshelf, he peeks far enough just to see your visage. From this, alone, can he paint a picture. Hand still on the page, he imagines you'd been reading, the radio on quietly as background noise, no doubt something you've continued to use since you've yet to get used to the quietness his climate provides. Thus, the radios around the Compound offer solace. He's noticed you around them often. In your focus amidst the book, you'd been distracted by the song, a familiar tune on the radio beckoning your attention. Of course, not being one to resist temptation, you couldn't resist turning it up and singing along.
He can't deny you're awful. Otherwise, he'd probably have to shoot you. It'd grow to be a nuisance, really... and dangerous, a warning signal no doubt. Yet, there's an innocence about you when you sing. Mocha-colored eyes roam your features as he watches, mesmerized, your eyes closed, as your upper body moves to the music from your chair. The smile that graces your lips is one to remember, and it's one that has him equally awed, and yet... in amusement.
"You really don't understand?" With a swift turn, Vladimir reveals himself from the bookshelves, his hands clasped behind his back casually. The gasp and jump that he'd elicited from you does nothing more than garner a chuckle from him.
"Why do you care?" You ask, hand still resting on your heart as you attempt to catch your breath. Staring at him with wild eyes, it boggles you, the way you feel like he's asked you this before. It takes a moment, as it's been at least a month or so, but you remember that he has. He's asking again. "It's not like you know," you tease, poking him back. If there's anything you'd learned early on, and he'd learned about you... it's that you love to play with Vladimir by matching fire with fire. And, equally, he too, loves to do so.
"Actually, I do, любимая," he quips. With slow and calculated steps he begins approaching the table, eyes raking over you once and then twice. "and I don't! I can assure you. I only find it amusing how you seem more than content to sing something which could mean anything... according to you."
While he stops to close the book atop your hand, inspecting the spine and choice of leisure, you suspect. You place your hand atop his, afraid he's going to take the book. It's only when he meets your gaze briefly, long enough to narrow eyes at you before immediately departing for the door a few feet behind you. "Wait!" You call after him. Turning in your seat, a hand comes up to rest against the bulbous ear of the chair; thudding boots abruptly come to a halt as the Commander stops, albeit he doesn't turn around. "What does it mean, then?" You ask, words getting quieter as you start to lose confidence the further the moment continues.
"I'm sure you'd love to know." That's all he leaves you with. Dissatisfied and annoyed with the pettiness and childlike behavior the Commander can sometimes exhibit, you ignore him whenever you can. After all, while he may have originally intrigued you, whatever curiosity you had is not worth whatever outcome you receive in the aftermath of one of his moods.
When you finally find out what the song means, it's at a moment you were completely unexpecting it. After a successful mission, you'd all celebrated by building a big bonfire at camp, sitting around after dinner, sharing stories, and drink. It's not every day you get to let loose, and while normally there's a fairly tight schedule to work around, you know better to take advantage of a free day when you can. With this in mind, you drink to your heart's content. After all, it's on the Commander, right? Listening to the stories, your head leans back against the wooden makeshift benches as your eyes find the bright stars above.
It may be an effortless attempt to map them out, or mentally draw out the constellations you know, but as you listen to the jokes, the stories, songs, and laugh along, it isn't until there's a momentary silence that you finally raise your head again. Scanning around the fire, you notice that everyone's gone to bed, it seems. And sure, while it's been a long day and it'd been getting late, you didn't think everyone would've left so soon. Yet, your eyes are drawn to the only other pair you see, staring at you from a few feet to your right. The last person left at the fire.
"You're not tired?" He asks, and it's weird. It's like there's no mask up this time. You're not sure if it's the alcohol playing tricks on you right now, or if you're really hearing him correctly, but he almost sounds... genuine.
Head leant back against the wood once again, you let it loll to the right, finally able to meet his gaze. The flames make his eyes shine brightly, his features illuminated in a fiery glow. His hair is slightly amess, some strands not falling in the same direction as the wind has blown them around. Nose and jaw sharply outlined by the shadows of the night, you can't help but feel warmth, and not because you're both sitting right in front of the fire. Eyes having roamed his features, they finally meet his again as he turns his gaze from the fire once more to you, clearly anticipating an answer.
With a shake of your head, you do nothing to stop the way your lashes slowly flutter, the mere thought and mention of sleep threatening. As you lift the bottle in your hands to your lips again, wanting to finish the last little fifth or sixth of drink left in it, you're met with a disgruntled hum. "I think you've had enough."
The words should be a warning to you. A loud and clear signal as to what was about to happen, and yet you hadn't put two and two together in your intoxicated state of mind. "Mm-mm. 'Slmost finished," you manage to slur out. Lifting the bottle again, Vladimir is quick to stand, closing the space between you as he snatches it out of your hand and tosses it into the fire. The glass breaks, flames fanning higher momentarily as he reaches under your armpits and lifts you up. There isn't much of a struggle considering you can't put up much of a fight in your state.
"It's time you get some sleep," he states, wrapping an arm around your back as he attempts to guide you to a tent. He guides you outside of the fire circle until you don't move. And while he's a strong man, perhaps it's the drink, or he doesn't know what, but you're being as stubborn as a rock.
"What's it mean?" You ask. This takes him aback; the Commander knows you're not ignorant, and while you may be drunk, there's certainly no way that vodka, or any sort of liquor no matter the quantity is capable of erasing such a simple fact as the meaning of sleep. While he takes a step back, eyes beginning to search for signs of injury, it isn't until he follows your gaze that he understands.
Albeit the distant snoring, the wind, the roaring fire, and crunching of both your boots, he hadn't realized. It was quiet, the radio on the other side of the firepit. The device had been left on, and while the two of you had stayed awake he hadn't paid too much mind to it, yet now he can't help but smile. Of course, of course of all moments this song would play. Right now.
"You really want to know?" Vladimir asks, not backing away as he towers over you, eyes meeting your face in the darkness as he waits for your attention to find him again. After all, perhaps with the way he's been the one to hear you all these little times, maybe... just maybe it could be a sign.
Ridiculous, of course. That's what he told himself for months now, too good to be true. He knows what he's done... what he's had to do. What he will do and must, not just for himself but for his people, for the planet, in order to not only survive, but bring the world to a state that will be beneficial for all. Nevertheless, they always say there's a price one must pay for such deeds. He knows this true... and while he might have dreamt at times of other lives and wanted for other things, those boy's dreams were crushed long ago.
That was... until the radio started playing that song only moments ago. As he scans your face, eager and almost impatient for you to turn your eyes on him, when you do, it's not what he expects. The scoff that meets him leaves him taken aback. Met with an eye roll, and an attempt to walk past him. He knows. He knows he can be rough, and while it might be harsh he grabs your arm and keeps you from walking any further away. Whatever prize he thinks he's found, whatever omen, sign, or soul tie... he's not letting this go. He's not letting you go.
"I know you're just gonna trick me again, okay?" While other times he might be delighted to hear that you think he'd play games with you, nothing but stoicism sits on his features.
Bringing you in close, he searches your eyes as he whispers. "The love words of his eyes are sweeter than songs." Vladimir cautiously places a hand on your waist, the one holding your arm releasing its grip as it slides up to rest on your shoulder. "From a couple of words, from a greeting, I become someone else. When he sways, my heart sways with him. I may sacrifice my eyes and whole life for him, and it's too little." He repeats the words, the two of you gently swaying in the moonlit camp as the music quietly accompanies him in the background through the aged radio.
"My night, oh, night, my night." It feels as if with each passing moment his voice somehow gets quieter and quieter if that was even possible, yet you're already so impossibly close. "Oh night, my night, his love makes the night longer. The love of years between him and I. Just one more step, my heart, it's not a fantasy." Your noses just barely brush against each other, breath mingling in the space between you.
"My soul just go with him and get lost in his beauty. His covets the magic of life, his charm extraordinary. The one whose eyes the moon envied. The smile is the shining sun." There's no denying the heat between you, the tension thick in the minimal space between you, both of your eyes closed as you revel in this moment. Yet, he knows he shouldn't. You wish he would. As the song comes to an end on the radio, he's the first to open his eyes, eager to watch your open yours. As you do, it's the same happiness and adoration that he's seen you with on your expression even when you had no idea what the song had meant.
You might not have known what it meant... but something about the vocals and the expression of the song had just given you the sense that it had been about exactly everything Vladimir had just described to you. "Thank you," you whisper, not quite ready to leave this moment. Not ready to leave his arms.
Zziiippp!!!
The sound of a tent opening nearby causes both of you to distance yourselves, something within each of you sobering up instantly. While, sure, he's the Commander and can have anything he wants... you both know things are better this way.
____________
translations:
любимая = loved one / darling / lovely
forever taglist: @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo ,@ohdamnadam
#cod mwiii x reader#cod mw3 x reader#vladimir makarov x reader#call of duty modern warfare 3 x reader#makarov x reader#cod mwiii makarov#cod mw3 makarov#my writing#my fics#cod fanfic#cod x reader#not proofread#not beta'd#song fics#song fic
108 notes
·
View notes
Text
wanna know about my general ghoul headcanons. we'll you are gonna know ANYWAY!!
overall ghoul headcanons;
all of the ghouls elements are [usually] easily able to tell apart because of their appearance. they don't all look the same but they all have one common theme to them
multi ghouls can only be able to have 3 elements. they can't have anymore than that
ghouls dont go through element changes, rather some ghouls were born with features similar to another ghouls element [ex: delta was born with water ghoul traits, therefore confused to be a water ghoul]
similarly to that, once a ghoul is figured out to be a different element, depending on if there's already a ghoul with that element they won't change the instrument or anything until the ghoul with the same element retires and the other can take its place as their correct element
fire ghouls;
all fire ghouls have a consistent theme with them which is that they all seem to be rock or mineral/metal based.
fire ghouls are able to produce flames from a part of their body. this can differ from every fire ghoul but almost all fire ghouls will be able to produce flames from their tail or horns
fire ghouls aren't aggressive by default, but they're prone to getting easily irritated and lashing out. how a fire ghoul acts when unprovoked is entirely based on who they are
they aren't immune to getting burnt but they have a higher tolerance for it since they can produce their own flames. the flames they produce from themselves aren't super powerful or big so they don't get burned by them. bigger and more power flames can and will burn them if they get too close
these ghouls are always pretty warm. doesn't matter the weather, they normally do not like wearing warmer clothing. Just causes a bunch of sweating and uncomfyness. there can obviously be exceptions
fire ghouls LOVE warm climates. They love summer and the heat it brings. this also means they are prone to get seasonal depression during cooler months of the year
water ghouls;
all water ghouls are based off sealife. sea animals or coral or anything like that. typically, it's sea animals
water ghouls can produce a variety of things from their body depending on what their appearance is based on. but normally they can all produce water from any part of them. they typically do this when they feel not clean but they don't feel dirty enough to need a shower.
most water ghouls are pretty chill as a default, but it can still depend. normally they rarely get too aggressive but they can still be prone to irritability
water ghouls enjoy swimming a lot and can do it longer than most ghouls or humans can. water ghouls can spend up to 48 hours just swimming before their body eventually gets tired. there are possible exceptions to this
water ghouls are pretty cold or lukewarm. they hate windy weather, as it's sensitive on their skin and gills. they love warm weather but hate hot weather. spring is the perfect time of year for them, especially with all the rain!
quintessence ghouls;
all the quints are based off of bugs!! usually insects but really any type of bug
quint powers really depend on the ghoul. they usually have 1 to 2 differents powers and stuff. some can heal, some can produce particles like stars
quint ghouls are also pretty chill like water ghouls. and they rarely ever do get irritated. it just isn't in their nature. if they do get irritated, however, they can be extremely angry and prone to violence
quint ghouls enjoy hanging out with other ghouls or being alone to think with their own thoughts, there is no in between. omega, phantom, delta, and aether love to get together to cuddle and nap for example. their favorite weather is fall typically. depending on what type of bug they are, they enjoy climbing the various tall tree outside the ministry
quint ghouls are cold as all hell and have to warm themselves up by wearing warmer clothing most of the time. if they are alone or with other quints, they don't bother with warm clothing since they're so used to their temperature
air ghouls;
all air ghouls are either based off of cloud, based off of animals like sheep or goats, or both!
air ghouls have no powers really. they produce small amounts of wind when they move but that is really about it
air ghouls are pretty energetic most of the time and always want to socialize. they are the first to wake everyone in the morning just for some company. they love to talk for hours and hours on end. they can be very easily irritated however, but they won't really yell at you or anything. they will just start isolating themselves
air ghouls don't mind any type of weather as long as it's cloudy. cloudy days are their happiest days and usually the days the spend the most outside. they'll spend the entire day outside, only going back in for bathroom breaks or food
air ghouls are cool. like a nice breezy early morning type cool. a lot of the ghouls want to snuggle up with them in the warmer seasons and since air ghouls are so social they don't mind at all
their hair can be easily formed into different shapes, especially those with cumulus cloud type hair!
earth ghouls;
earth ghouls are based on anything out on land in nature. many are based on deer
earth ghouls have the power to regrow plants, produce tiny things like ferns and dandelions, and if powerful enough are able to speed up the growth of bigger plants like trees
earth ghouls are pretty down to earth [pun was totally intended]. They do not like conflict, unless you try and mess with plants grown by them. they will just scold you at the most and they rarely hold grudges
earth ghouls love spring and summer. it's when they can grow their prettiest plants, and they love to plant small flowers around the ministry. Primo favors these ghouls
earth ghouls temperature is usually a comfortable warm, not too hot but not cool either. a nice balance in the middle
for those shaped like goats or deer, their legs are more digigrade. idk if there's a more scientific term for it just look up digigrade fursuit. you'll see what i mean
multi ghouls;
multi ghouls are based on reptiles!! most commonly lizards
multi ghouls have both the powers of their combined elements!! for example, a fire + water multi ghoul has both those powers
multi ghouls are very energetic and very competitive. they love to play fight, race other ghouls. they are usually referred to as more feral or wild but it's rarely in a bad way. they love to talk your ear off and listen to you and get so invested in whatever you're talking about as well
multi ghouls love the winter, no matter the elements they are combined with. they love how snow feels, how they can make snowmen and snowballs. they LOVE snowball fights and get very into it
their body temperature is pretty warm, sometimes cold. it really depends on the weather
yes they can shed their skin!! it looks and feels really gross and uncomfortable and they usually isolate during those times.
in rare cases, if a multi ghoul is combined with 3 elements, some of their scales can glow in the dark!!
hope at least one person reads this post
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
28/06/24 - Climate and therianthropy
Figured I'd make this my first real post on this blog since it's something I've been thinking about lately, and I want this blog to become a place where I can dump my thoughts around being therian/otherkin.
Lately I've been thinking about climates and biomes- more specifically, living in a place where the climate there doesn't match the climate of where your theriotypes are from, as well as how climate affects me in general.
(Full blog post under cut)
Without giving too much about my location away, I live in Southern Canada, where we're cursed with cold winters and humid summers. (At least, we used to have very cold winters, not sure how accurate that description is anymore with climate change.) Despite having lived with these harsh winters for all my life, I despise winter, and I've always wanted to live somewhere with winters that were mild and had no snow for me to deal with.
Usually I'd attribute this to just personal preference- there's plenty of people I've talked to from Canada who agree with me and also hate the winter. I'd also attribute part of this to my disabilities, namely my physical and psychiatric ones. Seasonal Affective Disorder is something I very much struggle with, and it's at it's worst over the winter when I'm forced to stay inside because nobody in their right mind is going to want to do anything in -30°C weather. I also have very severe chronic pain, and this is usually at it's worst during the winter, especially when it's snowing due to barometric pressure changes. For these reasons, the warmer seasons are much more bearable for me.
But it only just recently occurred to me that being therian could also be linked to my dislike for the winter season, considering the fact that I'm a vampire bat and zebra- both of which come from the warm places of South America and Africa. Although I've never been to either of these places while in my human body, I frequently visit the Southern United States where the weather is hot all year round (or, at least hot by my Canadian-borne standards,) and I never really understood why the weather there makes me feel more at-home than my real home, until I started seeing it through the perspective of being therian. Of course these places feel closer to home than where I currently live, because in a way, they are actually closer to my real home.
That being said, however, it's not like I particularly enjoy being caught in humid weather either. Unfortunately, I don't get to enjoy the bomby hot summers of southern Canada very much either, because they just so happen to be a massive trigger for my chronic fatigue, which ends up taking over my entire life during the time where the weather is warm. Plus, thanks to climate change (again,) our spring and autumn seasons are becoming shorter and shorter, leaving me with just 4 months out of the year where I feel somewhat okay physically.
If moving to the Southern United States was safe for me to do so as a disabled member of the LGBT community, I would just for the fact that I would feel so much closer to the homes of my theriotypes- at least for the climate down in the South. It's becomes so easy to feel out-of-place as a bat and zebra living in a place that snows and one who can't always enjoy the summer to it's fullest, that I wish I was able to be in the body of my theriotypes who may actually be able to better tolerate the heat than my human body can.
I hope that one day I can bask in the warmth again and have it not make me feel ill.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
relationship hcs ; crunchy chip cookie
requested by ; anonymous (05/08/23)
fandom(s) ; cookie run
fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | specific
character(s) ; crunchy chip cookie
outline ; “May I request some general relationship hcs for Crunchy Chip Cookie please.”
warning(s) ; none, just fluff!
he’s extremely dedicated to his watch which makes him incredibly protective over you and means that he rarely has any time to spend with you — most of your relationship is built on letters and occasional nights spent with him traversing into the kingdom or with you venturing out to stay with him outside of the walls (with the latter being much more common since he’s so loyal to his cause)
he has a considerable temper but he never lashes out at you — instead he’ll recognise when he’s getting too heated in an argument and he’ll walk away to relieve his stress so that you’re able to talk things over later in a much calmer, coherent, and rational way as a couple
he’s very physically affectionate in a rough way — but it’s not intentional so much as it’s just a consequence of his lifestyle (like he doesn’t intend to leave bruises on your waist when he picks you up so much as he just grabs you a bit too harshly when he does it, nor does he intend to make you wince when he pulls you into a side hug so much as he forgets how strong he actually is in comparison)
in a similar vein, if you’re physically affectionate with him then he’s going to love it — whether it’s traditional stuff like kissing and cuddling, or the opposite end of the spectrum with biting and play tackling then he’s going to smile and laugh and reciprocate
he’s very playful with you when he’s off duty and he’s not above fake chasing and play wrestling with you, but when he’s on shift he’s much quieter and more observant — he’s happy to have you around, of course, you just need to stay out of the way because his role is inherently dangerous
he doesn’t sleep often but he’s also an incredibly heavy sleeper — with the only thing able to wake him up being the howls of his cream wolves — so when you share a bed you’re able to cuddle into the side of your living-space-heater boyfriend for as long as you like (with a wolf or two by your side, of course)
crunchy chip cookie defaults to pet names like ‘babe’ but other than that he tends to just call you by name — he’s a simple man and if it’s effective and accurate then he’s going to use it
he’s pretty well adapted to the harsh climate of the outer boundaries of the kingdom, but the moment you complain about the cold or seem to be a bit chilly he’s going to throw his coat at you and insist on taking you back to camp and setting up a fire — he hates it when you’re sick and does everything he can to prevent it
whenever you’re apart (which is unfortunately quite often) he’ll talk to the wolves about you — your smile, your eyes, your laughter, your hobbies, and talents, and likes and dislikes, anything and everything he can think of — with this lovestruck smile on his face and if you ever catch him doing it then he’ll get all embarrassed and huffy and adamantly deny being so ‘disgustingly sappy’
also of note: the wolves adore you and pretty much turn into oversized puppies in an effort to gain your attention and affection (which earns plenty of jealous huffing and puffing from your boyfriend because you’re giving them too much attention)
he’s quick to jealousy and has been known to get into arguments and fights with people who get a bit too close for comfort — it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, just that he doesn’t trust other people to not have noticed how amazing you are and he’s terrified of losing you
#sleepingdeath#gender neutral reader#fluff#fluff hcs#crk fluff#cookie run fluff#crunchy chip cookie fluff#crunchy chip cookie x reader#cookie run x reader#crk x reader
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
First listen thoughts of Unreal Unearth!!
Disclaimer: when it comes to his music I am literally incapable of thinking it’s bad all of these reviews are good and I don’t take criticism ps sorry for the long post oml
De Selbys: part 1 STUNNING the fuckin gorgeous Gaeilge vocals at the end???? The tranSITION TO DE SELBY 2 COME ON !!!!!!
First time- SOME PART OF ME MUST HAVE DIED THE FIRST TIME YOU CALLED ME BABY??????????? FUCK!!!!!!! God the rhythm his fucking voice the instrumentals !!!!! So good
Francesca- phenomenal as we already know
I, Carrion- Girl I already knew I was gonna like I, Carrion cause like hello I am a whore for Greek mythology and especially Icarus like sunlight is one of my favorites BUT “if we fall I only pray you don’t fall away from me” I am weeping it is so so beautiful oh my god
Eat your young- as fucking amazing as always
Damage gets done- Brandi Carlile and Hozier’s voices blend beautifully and this song feels like something you’d hear in like a coming age movie when the main character is having her realization that her life is changing for the better like full on perks of being a wallflower car tunnel scene (and yes I fucking love it)
Who we are- are the fucking vocals in that middle part him??? How is he physically capable of doing that???? Holy! Shit!
Son of Nyx- I think the best way to describe this is that my sister sent me the gif of Pinocchio from shrek rising out of the bed cause. Yeah.
All things end- remaining probably my favorite from the eat your young ep
TSFAWC(U)- Y’all. I had to replay the intro of to someone from a warm climate about five times “a joy hard learned in winter was the warming of the bed you’d shake for minutes there and move your legs wrap the blanket over you and keep your head within let your breath heat the air until you’d feel it getting thin” FUCK I need help PLEASE Ohp ok and now I’m crying again wow I almost choked from crying I’m not doing well
Butchered Tongue- girl I’m just gonna not stop crying am I ? it’s still singing here above the ground ??? Screaming crying yelling throwing up
Anything but- ! So fun!! But still so like melancholy like I’d give anything to run away! Clapping reminiscent of almost (sweet music) and it just feels like they were having fun dining the background vocals just so good
Abstract (psychopomp) really be making me fell that post about not being able to understand him cause if he wanted me to know the words he would have enunciated but lord I still love it. upon hearing there’s a part of me I’m afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life and I wish I could go back to not understanding the lyrics that fully made me cry all over again
Unknown/Nth- so the album hasn’t been out long enough for me to decide what my favorite out of the whole thing is but this has been my fav if the early/single releases so this one is for sure up there
First light- wow just wow wow so like I don’t even know how to describe it like I hate the word epic cause it’s so 2000s but like it truly is so like epic and powerful the sheer strength of his voice is genuinely jaw dropping just wow wow wow wowowowoowowo
So it was just a first listen through I don’t know which my favorite is yet but wow they are all just stunning it’s just an incredible album so so so good
#I am so sorry for how long this is#yeah besties I’m gonna puke I am not well#it’s !!!! so good tho go listen#hozier#unreal unearth#andrew hozier byrne#hozier music#hozier songs#hozier lyrics#de selby part 1#de selby part 2#first time#francesca#I Carrion (Icarian)#eat your young#damage gets done#who we are#son of nyx#all things end#to someone from a warm climate#butchered tongue#anything but#abstract (psychopomp)#unknown / nth#first light#long post
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fluffbruary - 6th Day (Butterfly)
Sixth day of @fluffbruary, using the prompt "Butterfly" !
I wrote this really fast, I hate some parts, but I'm posting it anyway. Maybe I'll come back to this fic later.
Read on AO3
French version
-----
John heard about it by chance. He was at the clinic when one of his colleagues was talking about it with a patient.
"It was magical, they were all beautiful," she said. John asked her for the address and kept the piece of paper in his pocket. He thought it might make Rosie happy.
When he got home that evening, he was greeted by a happy Rosie explaining to her father what she had been doing all day with her godfather. She had not left Sherlock's legs, both of them sitting on the armchair. They were reading a book about bees, according to the cover. Since she was a little girl, Rosie seemed to develop a passion for bees, making her godfather proud.
He gave his daughter a kiss in her hair and absentmindedly put a hand on Sherlock's shoulder. Since returning to Baker Street, John has been able to smile again and see his daughter blossom within the old walls that welcomed him all those years ago. He and Sherlock have become best friends again, but something more is present between them. They are more tactile with each other, a hand on the shoulder, on the back, on the arm and hugs when one is not well.
John is in love with the detective, and he thinks it's mutual, but he would never threaten their special friendship for a single doubt. And he'll blame himself if he makes his Rosie unhappy if he has to go away from Baker Street and his beloved godfather. Talking about his feelings has never been his forte. So he admires Sherlock from afar, imagines and dreams, and says nothing, like the Englishman he is.
He listened to his daughter, Sherlock intervening a few times if necessary, while preparing tea. This has been their routine for months and for nothing in the world would he change this domestic bliss.
"Tomorrow is my day off, we could go out." Proposes John once he is settled in his chair, a hot cup in his hands.
"What do you suggest?" Asks Sherlock, staying focused on the little Watson who continues to ask him questions about the pictures in the book.
"The natural history museum has a greenhouse with lots of butterflies. Apparently it's very pretty to see."
Sherlock agreed, after asking his niece who had put on a big smile.
***
"Rosie, keep your hat on, it's cold."
The little girl grunted but finally decided to keep it on her head. John sees Sherlock smirking at his little Watson being so stubborn. John wonders who she got it from.
"Hello gentlemen." said the man at the entrance to the museum as they approached.
"Two adults and a child." Said Sherlock. "For Sensational Butterflies." John sees him scan the man with his eyes and he warns him with a glance not to say anything. He can see him almost sigh, invisible to anyone else but John who knows him well after so many years of working together.
They pay, and leave in the direction of the big greenhouse. There are few people, and the heat is quickly felt. Rosie was happy to take off her hat.
"Daddy, look!" The girl exclaimed when she saw a butterfly on a leaf. John knew she would love it.
The greenhouse is big, filled with tropical flowers and plants. It's warm and very humid, to match the butterflies' natural climate. Butterflies are everywhere, on the branches, the walls, under their heads, on the visitors. There are all colours, all sizes, and John can see his daughter's eyes sparkling.
Although he seemed indifferent, Sherlock looked around, detailing every butterfly and reading every text they passed.
Quickly, John took off his coat, glad he had put on a simple shirt, and stripped Rosie of her jacket and vest, leaving her with a long-sleeved T-shirt. Surprisingly, Sherlock took off his coat, as well as his jacket, leaving him with just his white shirt. John loved seeing him so casual next to him, seeing him without his armor that he formed with his coat and perfect suit.
As John imagined, Sherlock has done his homework before coming to answer every question Rosie may ask. He watches them do it, his heart filled with tenderness. Thirty minutes later, and a hundred questions later, Rosie is in Sherlock's arms, both talking about the blue butterfly in front of them resting on a leaf, when it flies away. To the surprise of both, it settled in Sherlock's hair, and Rosie laughed.
"He thinks it's a nest !" Laughed the little Watson.
Standing back, John smiled as he watched his daughter try to retrieve the fragile insect that seemed comfortable in Sherlock's curls, and managed to escape her little fingers. He was forced to come to the rescue when the two sent him a look of distress.
Sherlock slowly bent down to allow John to retrieve it, but when the butterfly realised they wouldn't leave it alone, it flew off to land somewhere else. That is, on John's face. Sherlock and Rosie laughed as John tried to coax it to fly away by moving his facial muscles. The detective took pity on him and decided to pick him up.
John stretched out his cheek as Sherlock's fingers tried to take the butterfly. He was reluctant, but allowed it to land on his finger. Rosie was even happier. John, still mesmerised by the feel of Sherlock's fingers against his face, smiled at Rosie's enthusiasm.
"On me ! On me !" Rosie asked.
"Be careful, they are very fragile insects." Said Sherlock seriously.
Rosie nodded and put on her most serious face. Sherlock judged that she would be careful and asked her to hold out her hand. She did so and Sherlock gently placed the butterfly down.
"That tickles." Rosie laughed.
John's heart raced as he saw his daughter so happy, Sherlock taking care of her like a...
A father.
John realised that now, but all along, Sherlock had been taking care of her like a parent would with a child. At the beginning of their return, John thought that Rosie would be a nuisance to the detective and his pace of life, but any suspicions were removed when he quickly noticed Sherlock was always with her if she needed something or just wanted to play.
Sherlock sees Rosie as his daughter.
John took a deep breath when he realised. He had always dreamed of this, of having Sherlock by his side to raise Rosie until she was old enough to go off and make a life for herself. To have Sherlock by his side when Rosie introduces her partner(s) (if she has any), her children (if she has any) or when she comes to visit them when they are old and wrinkled.
All his buried and hidden hopes come back.
"John?" Sherlock called softly to him. John snapped out of his thoughts as he heard that deep voice calling him. He fell into Sherlock's worried gaze. "Are you okay?"
He could never be better than this. "Perfectly." He said with a smile and did something he would never have dared before. He put his arm around Sherlock's back and moved closer to him, his hand resting on the thin shirt. Sherlock was surprised, but didn't move and even stuck closer to him.
Rosie is still captivated by the butterfly that has now advanced on her arm. John looked at her tenderly as he felt Sherlock slide his arm shyly across his shoulders. He immediately relaxed, resting lightly against Sherlock, and Sherlock grew more confident and tightened his grip around his shoulders. He attempted a glance at the detective and was gratified with a smile, the detective's attention already on him.
God, how John loves him. So he couldn't help but get on his tiptoes to land a light kiss on his lips. He felt Sherlock gasp in surprise before he responded to the kiss. John smiled against his lips, a warmth moved through his body.
Suddenly, Rosie burst out laughing, bringing John and Sherlock back to earth. They parted, red with pleasure. John couldn't help but admire him, his cheeks flushed, his lips curved into a slight smile. Sherlock is a beautiful man, John has known that for years, but knowing that he is in this state because of him makes him even more beautiful.
He turned his attention back to his daughter to see her squinting at the butterfly that landed on her nose.
"It seems he likes you, Watson." Said Sherlock with tenderness in his voice as he did every time he called her that.
"It's hard not to like her."
"She must get that from her father." Sherlock replied.
John blushed.
"Uncle 'lock, Dad, look, he's flapping his wings!" Rosie exclaimed. The butterfly built its blue wings faster and faster before finally flying away.
John watched it fly away as he rested his head on Sherlock's shoulder. He felt Sherlock place a kiss in his hair. This excursion was definitely a good idea.
(tell me if you want to be tagged) @topsyturvy-turtely
#johnlock fic#johnlock ficlet#parentlock#my fcs#fluffbruary 2023#fluffbruary#fluff#day six#Butterfly#bbc sherlock#johnlock
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
k time for our regularly scheduled sleepy oversharing time (answering all the questions from this ask game)
(1) Do you have freckles? nope ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(2) Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? sometimes i drink tea if im sick or chai socially but thats basically it. chocolate is the closest thing i have to a regular stimulant
(3) What was the last song you listened to? this lagtrain edit idk i really like just. semi-chaotic noise that sounds out of place and a bit incongruent. probably why i like pokeloid
(4) Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? diagonalish but mostly on my side. i alternate sides though in fact i used to sleep on my stomach until i read a newspaper article that said a plurality of ppl sleep on their side and then i got scared and completely changed the way i sleep in like 6th grade in case you somehow needed more evidence im autistic
(5) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? blåhaj!! !!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her need to clean her though also i stream with my hello kitty velvet and i think that's kinda relevant
(6) Do you prefer drawing or writing? i like both but i am so so so much less bad at writing so that's more fulfilling i need to do both a lot more though ive been procrastinating a lot of tales of luminaria writing and art that i feel a compulsive need to make since the game was shuttered
(7) What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? currently i sleep with blanket/comforter/blanket but i am still so so cold so i either need another blanket or one of them to be heated
(8) What’s your favorite band/artist? i mean there are a bunch that are all kinda at the same tier but i think inabakumori is at the top their vocaloids are just so. emotions
(9) When is your birthday? not gonna answer this but if you wanna check my bio every day for the next year until you see it flip to 23 i guess thats a thing you can do
(10) How tall are you? 178 cm (5'10") aka too tall please someone let me give you my height i dont fucking want it except in rock climbing it's useful for that but other than that the dysphoria is just not worth it hate hate hate
(11) What color are your eyes? brown, a bit darker than my skin but ive been complimented on my eyes by strangers more than like any part of my appearance combined so i am always confused like. theyre just my eyes! theyre pretty but only in the way that ppl eyes generally are idgi
(12) Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? i dont really want to hug anyone tbh like id be happy to hug a friend if they needed it but im just not feeling touch atm
(13) Fears? that samsara isnt real enough for me to defer all the experiences i dont want to miss out on to a different life also climate change also being at parties where im not super close with most of the people
(14) What’s your favorite color? the sky! i know everyone is probably tired of me saying it but i dont like the idea of picking one 'color' since that allows for so much variation, so i instead choose something that is constantly varying and always beautiful at every instant ive ever gazed upon it
(15) What’s your favorite season? summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer please it's so cold i want to be able to feel warm when i go outside and not feel like im killing the planet when i consider turning the thermostat up a degree
(16) Want any tattoos? What of? oh i absolutely want tattoos definitely one for outer wilds (the hourglass twins), and id be open to the berseria title card with velvet's hair flowing into the letters i just think that game is neat
(17) Want any piercings? Where? im happy with my recent earlobe piercings but it would be desi as fuck to get a nose ring so that also sounds pretty cool
(18) Who is the last person you texted? my parents telling them im coming home from work
(19) Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ closest thing is probably my college roommate for 3 years but he went to grad school in a different state so ive barely seen him since
(20) What/who do you miss? oh well that's a question and a half i miss my ability to just get a crush and imagine cute and unrealistic fantasy stories where i went out with them now a combination of adult™ realism and the couple years i spent beating myself up for ever feeling romantic attraction have made doing both of those things so much harder so i just stick to projecting myself in established plots i mean its better than it was near the end of high school but. not as good as middle school when i actively loved going to bed just so i could imagine whatever i wanted in the hourish before i fell asleep
(21) How was your day today? tired. slept too early last night and thus the day had no sense of urgency and my head felt very bleh the entire time
(22) How much sleep did you get last night? 8 hours which is kinda the problem i function best with having had 9-10 hours two nights ago and 4-6 hours the night of and whenever i try to get a regular person sleep schedule™ it just makes me feel bad
(23) Do you believe in aliens? not like conspiracy theories or anything like that but. the universe is so BIG and we're finding so many planets that it feels impossible for there to not be life elsewhere also $20 europa has whales in it
(24) When was the last time you cried? Why? idk crying is hard and has barely ever happened since i felt bad about crying at a book in 6th grade and hammered it out of my brain. clearly my masking behaviors have never once been self destructive and i am an extraordinarily well adjusted girlie more recently my parents probably said something that made me feel bad and i semi-succeeded at crying in the shower and forgot about it the day after
(25) What’s your favorite decade? is it really possible for me to answer anything but the present? theres only been one decade where ive been a girl for part of it theres only been one decade where i fell in love with the sound of my voice theres only been one decade where i lived for myself and not for who i expected myself to be
(26) What are some seemingly childish things you like? i mean. i watch cartoons and eat sweets and enjoy going outside and getting distracted by everything i see there not sure what it means for something to be 'childish' tbh
(27) What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? favorite book is the raven tower by ann leckie it's just. such a wonderful story in such a beautiful world that i feel like i was made for book ive read the most is probably son of neptune though, i know i spent a few months just kinda picking it up at a random page and rereading a few chapters every couple of days
(28) How are you, really? not answering this it's cliche and boring
(29) Does it take you a long time to make decisions? yes and no if a decision is right in front of me i'll make it fairly quickly if a decision is far away then i will procrastinate it to the point of absurdity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(30) What are you looking forward to in the near future? getting on injections! estrogen time :d
(31) What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 2024 eclipse!!!! !!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!! i know with how much im hyping it in my head it'll definitely be covered with clouds at the place i go to but i! do! not! care! the 2017 eclipse is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in the entire world and i need to see it again
(32) If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? i want to see the aurorae other than things like that im pretty comfortable sitting in my room, but the idea of viewing something so magical is just incredibly appealing
(33) Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed otherwise my parents would see how messy my room is and the airflow would be wrong and its brighter in the hallway and just. no
(34) What’s your favorite flower? is it too cliche to say cherry blossom? i grew up near washington dc like going to see the cherry blossom festival is a part of my core identity
(35) Do you currently have a squish? not really but also my brain has a taboo against verbalizing any kind of attractive feelings so it's difficult to overcome that enough to process my thoughts without hating myself so i dont try
(36) Do you like your middle name? no it's just my dad's name, which already feels old-fashioned in indian terms let alone the fact that it sounds vaguely like a mildly off-putting (to me) phrase in english
(37) Do you prefer dogs or cats? i love seeing them both outside or in friends' homes and i am unlikely to ever adopt one so that's the extent of it
(38) Do you have any phobias? i dont think so
(39) Do you stay up late? not late enough
(40) Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? a not-sunny beach is definitely cold so. yeah. the last beach ive been to was in gdynia though so i might be unfairly projecting how cold the baltic sea is onto other beaches that are reasonable temperatures
(41) What’s your favorite cartoon? if we're counting anime: bna if we're not: amphibia actually now that i think about it i need to rewatch kipo and the age of wonderbeasts that was good
(42) Tag 5 of your favorite blogs no
(43) Do you have siblings? How many? one older sister
(44) Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? probably my parents
(45) Is there anyone you would die for? oh absolutely. loads. the more interesting question would be 'is there anyone you would kill for' and that is far far more difficult to answer
(46) What do you need when you’re sad? patience
(47) Have you memorized your phone number? ofc i have it has interesting math properties associated with it that i sadly cant say here bc saying all the properties, even in a relatively cryptic form, would narrow it down to like 10 options if someone knew my area code
(48) Who’s someone you can trust with your life? this question is ridiculous when cars exist. i have to trust pretty much every driver near me with my life whether im in a car or walking near a road so i dont view it as a particularly meaningful level of trust nor do i view my life as something particularly worth guarding so like. whatever, yknow? (note: this isnt a mental health thing it's a samsara thing dw) if this body dies it dies and i wouldnt want anyone i care about to feel responsible no matter what
(49) What does your last text say? already said it
(50) Wild Card. Any question, ask away. my favorite font is alegreya sc
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fanfic: Collection of Frankenstein/Muzaka Snippets [Snow]
Fandom: Noblesse Summary: Frankenstein woke up cold one morning. Notes: Set earlier in the verse. Rating: G Genre: General Word count: 748 Total word count: 33,515 Status: Work in progress Start of the verse | Full collection Frankenstein woke up cold one morning. He curled up under the blanket, shivering. What...? He and Muzaka never had a fire going when they slept. There was no need. Not when Muzaka radiated heat like a fire himself.
Then... Where was Muzaka? Frankenstein had gone to sleep by himself and the temperature had been fine then. He cracked an eye open, seeing snow piled up against the window, more snow falling so hard it made it hard to see into the distance. The weather had changed so quickly? ...Muzaka had seemed more excited during the day - had he felt the signs? Muzaka couldn't have gotten lost, even in a snow storm. Had he been attacked? No, there wasn't anyone or anything that would be able to slow down or harm Muzaka for very long. So where was he? Frankenstein looked out the window again. The storm didn't look like it would abate any time soon, and it was impossible for Muzaka to be in any danger. He still wanted to make sure. Frankenstein swung himself out of bed, flinching when his feet touched the ground. It didn't take him long to bundle himself up and he braced himself before he threw the door open. Wind howled in his face and he pulled his hood closer to his face, squinting against the snow. All he could see was a haze of white. Well. The more he hesitated, the colder he became. Frankenstein took a few steps, the snow reaching his shins already. He stopped when his foot encountered something solid. Too soft to be a rock, and he was sure the area around the house was clear. Then... There was a lump in front of him that looked different from the snow surrounding it. Piled higher as if it was on top of something... He plunged his hand into the snow and came in contact with something instantly. Wet. He tightened his hold on it. It bunched under his fingers. Like cloth. He swept his other hand across the snow to where the object started. A dull red cloth. One he'd seen so many times before. "Muzaka!" How had-? What had-? He dug further but stopped when he saw a slight movement. Breathing? He pressed down, feeling the soft raise of an inhale. Strong. Not laboured or wheezing. Frankenstein rocked Muzaka, as if trying to wake him. Muzaka started, one end lifting up and revealing Muzaka's snow-covered head. "Huh, what's up?" "You!" Frankenstein said, wanting to lean back in relief. Instead, he reached forward, cupping Muzaka's face. He hissed. Muzaka's skin was hot against his palms. "Frankenstein, yer freezin'!" Muzaka said, wrapping a hand around Frankenstein's. They felt as if Muzaka wasn't affected by being encased in snow for who knows how long. Long enough for the snow to build up around him. "Why aren't you?" The words were almost hard to get out, his jaw not wanting to move. "Eh?" Muzaka blinked. "It's just snow." Muzaka wasn't affected by extreme cold. Of course he wasn't. Muzaka hated it when they travelled to warmer climates, and perked up when the weather cooled down again. "Anyway, let's get back inside, yeah?" Muzaka stood up with no stiffness, leading him back. Frankensein stumbled a couple of times, Muzaka catching him. They finally made it in and once Muzaka closed the door, said, "What were you doin' outside anyway?" "L-looking f-for you!" Frankenstein's fingers wouldn't obey him, wouldn't bend, and just how cold was it? "...Oh." Muzaka's hands drifted into view, undoing Frankenstein's clothes and helping him out of them. Frankenstein sucked in a breath when Muzaka stepped close, wrapping his arms around him and hooking his chin over Frankenstein's shoulder. He was almost scalding. "Didn't think you'd be this badly affected," Muzaka murmured. "Hah. I'd...gotten rather used to you keeping me warm." Muzaka's heat was seeping into him, and Frankenstein felt his muscles relaxing again. "I'll stay ins-" "Don't," Frankenstein said, wrapping his arms around Muzaka with a sigh. He knew how Muzaka was affected by the weather - it wouldn't be fair to make him stay inside when Muzaka wanted to enjoy it. "Tell me if you're staying outside, and light a fire for me instead." All Frankenstein needed was a way to stay warm for a while. It didn't have to be Muzaka, though that was his preferred way. "Heh, all right." Muzaka kissed his cheek and Frankenstein hummed as Muzaka continued to warm him up.
1 note
·
View note
Text
sh and s stuff
I am really struggling to keep going. I can't get out of this rut I've been stuck in. Ever since late '22 when that stuff happened at work and I broke my sh free for a year streak I haven't been able to stop. It's not consistent but I feel awful that I'm still doing the same things I did when I was 13 or 14 to deal with my emotions when I'm 26 going on 27. I can't stop it. I did it twice with in a few hours at work on Wednesday, in a new place on my body. I did it yesterday. I hate it but it's working again. I was able to smile and laugh and have a good time on Wednesday after.
I feel bad realizing that it's almost been 6 years since the sh accident where I almost died and this whole time my mom and the rest my family thought I stopped. I also realized a couple days ago that I hit a mile stone of 10 years since I tried to hang myself November of '13. I thought that would make me feel good that I forgot, but I've been thinking about my 27th birthday and how little I want to be around after it.
I'm tired of feeling alone. I hate my existence. All I've ever wanted was to feel normal. I despise my identity. It's fucking awful. I just want to be seen as a woman and nothing else, and I am but having to tell people ruins everything. J doesn't want anything to do with me. He made it seem like he was fine with it, but he says he can't get over the night I came out to him. He will still say he doesn't see me as any different, but he "knows what I used to be." It don't understand how he can see me like every other woman but not at the same time. It hurts. He is hurting because he wishes he could love me like he wanted to before I told him and doesn't want to see me. He says he still wants me in his life but doesn't want to be around me. I want to run away and drive my car off a bridge or cut my s scar on my arm open. Idk how people can be proud to be trans, especially in our current political climate in the US. I feel like a fucking freak.
I am sick of life at home. My mom told me my youngest brother wanted a shelf put up in his closet last month, so I took down all of the old stuff and started making the new stuff. Every time he's screaming at me how I spend all this time on my Camaro restoration like I haven't been caught up doing home projects all year too and he only just told my mom he wanted me to do his closet. He screamed at me because it's not getting done fast enough, but I basically only have two days a week to work on it. I got it to the point that all the mud work was done so he could paint it and he still isn't done 3 weeks later. It's also been below 0 all week, our attic isn't heated so I can't sand and stain the pieces up there. My other brother (the middle one) is being a petty to me because last week Saturday when we got 15 inches of snow I didn't clean off his car (that's been sitting with a blown engine since April) and the little pathway around it, so he took the snow from his car and threw it on my trailer with my parts car for the Camaro. When my mom yelled at him for it because she saw it the same time I did, he told her I was being petty by not cleaning that area. I just hadn't gotten that far yet, I moved the trailer to make it easier for him but I had to fill the tires. The garage door wouldn't close after doing that because of the cold. I was planning to do it, but he started on the car before I could. No matter how hard I try, everyone still hates me. I'm sick of life.
0 notes
Text
brine jean kirschtein/reader (AOT) word count: 1.5k tags: hurt/comfort, jean being the best most sweetest boy, just an extremely self indulgent piece if i'm being honest, tw: implied mental illness/distress
"Wanna go to the beach tomorrow?"
"What's the occasion?" It's the same thing he always asks, and has as long as you've known him, no matter what you're proposing. The same thing he'd respond to the proposition to go to the grocery store on a Wednesday afternoon.
You take comfort in that familiarity.
You clear your throat, voice a little thick as you reply: "I just don't really wanna be alone right now."
Jean doesn't need you to say anything else.
He doesn't need you to apologize for the fact it's been days since he's heard from you.
He doesn't need to ask if you're okay.
And so the next day, even though it's far from summer and way too cold to properly enjoy the sun and sand of a beach, the two of you load into his car and make the forty-five minute drive to the coast.
You listen to music along the way, playlists you took great pride in crafting when you'd felt a little less blue, and the familiar songs and sound of Jean humming along to his favourites from his place behind the wheel slowly helps you feel better, if only a little bit.
You stop at a gas station to buy some snacks and drinks which you pack away into your beat-up little backpack, keeping out only a package of salty pretzels and bottle of soda to share between the two of you while you finish the drive.
The beach is grey when you get there. Fog hovering over the water about a mile off shore; cold, briny mist hanging in the air and kissing your cheeks as the two of you settle down into the sand. You can taste the salt on your lips as your tongue peeks out to moisten them--though that could be leftover from the pretzels.
Jean brought blankets to sit on, grabbing them from the trunk before he locked his car, and even a few more to wrap around yourselves-- having anticipated the less than ideal climate.
You sit in silence for a long time, listening to the waves rush up the shore.
"You've been quiet."
He doesn't just mean today. You know that. You've been absent for the past week or so, emotionally distant even longer than that. It had been days since you'd responded to anyone's text or calls.
You were just in one of your moods.
It happened sometimes, as much as you loathed it. Like something in you just stopped working, failed to cooperate with you no matter how desperately you wanted it to. Synapses failing to fire.
"I know," you reply softly to his comment.
He doesn't tell you he's been worried. The way his eyes have been scanning your face when he thinks you don't notice from the very moment you slumped into his passenger's seat has already given that away.
Heat burns behind your eyes, a familiar tightness in your throat.
You draw your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them with your warm blanket draped around your shoulders.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, I know this happens sometimes," he tells you, gentle yet firm in his resolve.
"I hate it," your voice breaks halfway through the words. "I hate feeling like this-"
You watch a big wave swell a few metres out from the shore.
"-I hate not feeling like myself. I hate not being able to take care of my shit. I hate not knowing how to reply to text messages-"
The wind cools the hot tears as they track down your cheeks.
"-I hate feeling like people hate me."
Jean's arm winds itself around your shoulders, sidling up beside you on the blanket. Warm and solid and there at your side.
As ever.
"No one could ever hate you."
"Connie might," you snort, but the sound is wet with tears, "I have 432 missed texts from him."
You pull your phone from the pocket of your hoodie and pass it over to Jean. He unlocks it with your passcode that he's long memorized, wincing when he sees the number of red notifications dotted across your home screen. He taps his way across the device, handing it back to you after a moment.
When you look again all of the notifications have been cleared.
You feel a little better.
"They're just checking in. They all care about you, 's all," Jean uses the corner of his blanket to wipe at the tears clinging to your cheeks. You slump into his side.
"I miss them."
"I think they'd like to hear you say that."
"I just don't know how to reach out."
You never do, when you get like this. Scared to break the silence that you'd created between you and all of the people that you loved.
"It's fucking freezing!"
A familiar voice has your head snapping towards the stairs leading down to the beach from the parking lot.
A handful of faces you recognize are rapidly approaching, arms laden with blankets and cold winter beach day accessories.
Your breath hitches in your throat.
Connie flops down onto your blanket the minute he reaches you, kicking up sand along the way.
"God what a shit day to wanna come to the beach--lemme in there," he says, prying his way under your blanket, nestling himself into your warmth.
"Fuck Jean, that text couldn't have come at a better time, I've had to piss for like 25 minutes," Eren says, helping Mikasa spread another blanket out across from yours while Armin weighs the edges down with rocks he'd found laying about.
"Nasty," Jean replies with a curl of his lip.
"He kept saying he was gonna pee in a bottle if you didn't tell us we could come out soon," Connie chirps, head poking up from where it had been resting on your shoulder. "I bet him 15 bucks he wouldn't."
"Please tell me you didn't," you say warily, looking up at Eren with wide eyes.
He grins. "Nah, went in the bushes on the way down."
"Stay away from my food with your nasty piss hands, dumbass." Jean bats Eren's arm away as he reaches for a bag of chips that rests in front of you.
"Oh, I have sanitizer," Armin says helpfully, reaching for the bag he has strapped across his chest, producing a small bottle from its contents.
Sasha plops down on the other side of Connie, peeking over at you. She has orange dust crusted on the tips of her fingers and around her lips from the cheesy snack she's eating.
"Wan'some?" she asks, holding a (borderline industrial sized) plastic jar of cheese balls towards you, already half-eaten.
You nod, picking out a handful for yourself.
"We brought stuff for a bonfire, do you think it's too damp to get it going?" Mikasa asks, staring out at the fog rolling in as the ends of her short hair lift with the breeze.
"Oh, I can get it going," Eren says confidently, pulling a lighter from the pocket of his sweatpants and flicking it on.
"Eren," the dark haired girl sighs, "don't you remember what happened last time?"
Last time meaning the time he'd burned off half of his own eyebrow trying to light a fire to celebrate your high school graduation so many moons ago.
"Yeah, the spock brow was not your best look," Connie chimes in, waggling his finger at his brows demonstrably.
You choke on a laugh.
After numerous assurances that he would not lose any hair in the process, Eren, Connie and Armin set to work building a modest bonfire a few paces away.
You curl into Jean's side, one blanket now wrapped around you both, burying your face into the collar of his hoodie. He smells like clean laundry, the salt air, and the same cologne he's worn since you bought him a bottle of it for Christmas years prior.
"Thank you," you say quietly as you listen to the dulcet tones of Eren and Connie bickering about log placement while Armin tries his best to mediate between them.
Jean's arm tightens around your shoulders, drawing you even further into his warmth.
He doesn't need you to say it though.
He sees the gratefulness in the way your shoulders have eased.
The way your eyes shine when the boys finally get the fire to spark to life, cheering exuberantly at their own success.
He hears it in your quiet giggles as you watch Sasha and Mikasa squabble playfully over the last handful of cheeseballs.
Feels it as you go slack against his side, the sky long gone dark, your chest rising and falling with a sleep that comes easier to you than any had for weeks.
This is what the occasion is.
And it's a great one, at that.
#jean kirschtein x reader#jean kirstein x reader#jean x reader#jean kirschtein x you#jean kirstein fanfic#jean kirstein drabble#jean x you#jean drabble#jean kirschtein fanfiction#aot drabble#aot writing#writing
737 notes
·
View notes
Text
Letters in Transition, 4 September 2022
A collaborative correspondence between @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm and I, inspired by our encounters with fic as queer, trans boys. Letters, words and art exchanged at the start of an unrestrained life.
Previous entries can be found here. In this letter I reference this art by joy.
Dear joy,
Summer is over and autumn is here; we’ve made it through.
Summer is also very complicated for me. On one level, my autistic sensory stuff means I hate heat, hate sunshine, hate loose clothes, hate sweat, hate hair sticking to my neck - I moved to a cooler climate on purpose. I also hate how visible summer can make me as a trans person; there’s only one or two layers between the world and my binder, or the world and my wide, soft hips.
On another level, this summer has been a period of hibernation for me, a time of respite. I changed my life drastically in spring, and over this summer, I have gently, carefully settled into it. I looked after myself; I started medication for my migraines, I got a stable job, I nurtured friendships. I’ve visited the same places over and over until they’ve felt familiar. I’ve started to feel local in my new home, like I belong. I’ve bought books and plants and dug my roots beneath the dirt here.
And now the weather is changing, and my favourite season is here, and I feel ready to burst forward into the world; I want to plan adventures and try different things and write new stories. I love the rain, love the wind and the cold and the elements that seem hostile at first, but then again, I grew up during a drought in Australia, and so perhaps that’s why those elements have always felt like freshness to me, like the promise of growth, the sign that good things are to come.
It’s weird and wonderful, being in a new place after coming out and starting to transition; my housemates and friends and coworkers only know me with my binder and short hair and lower voice. I’ve shown a few people pictures of me from high school recently, and they’ve all said, without fail, I don’t even recognise you.
You recently made this for Harry’s birthday. I stared at it for a very long time. Big Harry looks like a superhero. Little Harry looks unbearably trusting, sweet, scared. The same way I was as a child.
If I could cup Little Rooney’s face and tell him anything, what would it be? Perhaps I’d say, you’re a boy, and let that stew, and then I’d be able to transition young and avoid the trauma I went through during puberty and university. Or maybe I’d say, you really don’t want to do law, and I would have been able to stay at home for longer and work less and do what I loved immediately. Or maybe I’d say, don’t stay with things just because they’re safe, and I wouldn’t have gotten married and instead would have spent more time with my family and friends.
But really, when I think about it, I don’t want to change any of that. I’m typing this while my boyfriend sleeps on the other end of the phone; I can hear him breathing. I’m typing this knowing I’m going to see the platonic love of my life to watch the third Lord of the Rings film next week. I’m typing this thinking about the big adventure I’m going on to see my best friends in less than six months.
So maybe I’d just tell Little Rooney, so many people will love you, and I’d leave it at that; let him hurt and make mistakes, just so he could get right here, right now.
I really like being right here. It’s grey outside. The streets are damp. There’s a touch of coolness back in the wind. And I get to decide how I want to grow.
All my love,
Rooney
30 notes
·
View notes