#have never come out to a single person in my life i cant imagine sitting anyone down and saying words like that

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today, on 8th February, 1976 - Queen Story!

New York, NY, USA, Beacon Theater

'A Night At The Opera Tour'

🔸Freddie Mercury was taking tea on the 47th floor of his New York hotel. In his suite. The Royal suite, of course. It was the morning after yet another triumph for Queen - that brilliant and highly original British rock band built around the outrageous ideas and stage presence of the exotic Mr.

Mercury. They had played their fourth concert in as many nights at the battered but fashionable Beacon Theatre, and wvith an album and a single in the American charts, they were riding high.

Warm tea was permitted to slide down Mr. Mercury's regal throat as he prodded gingerly at some nasty looking bruises on the side of his neck.

He explained, My very promising pop career nearly came to an untimely end last night. Two young girls outside the theatre decided to claim my scarf as a souvenir. They quite forgot that it was wrapped around my neck at the time, and they very nearly strangled me. I'm sure Her Majesty doesn't have to put up with this sort of thing. But then, she doesn't have anything in the charts at the moment does she?"

He is a wicked man, Mr. Mercury.

He is also everything that a rock idol is supposed to be, and New York has been quick to recognise this. Like Mick Jagger, Freddie has off-beat good looks. Jagger has those pneumatic lips, and Freddie has the most out- spoken set of teeth ever to have found their way on to a pop fan's wall. He also enjoys the lifestyle of a true superstar - he lives out our fantasies for us far more effectively than we could ever manage to do for our- selves. Even if we had his kind of money.

His dress sense is sensational. He seldom looks less than spectacular, and he is not the sort of chap who believes in going unnoticed. Satin is his favourite fabric, with silk coming a close second. And he loves those loose, floppy, Japanese-style jackets.

But as he is quick to point out, There is a quiet side to me too, you know.

My home life is very civilised, and I hardly ever dress up to watch the tele- vision. Unless I am watching a Royal occasion of course. Then, my dear, it's on with the tiara and the emine ..

the LOT!

But Freddie felt there were better things to do in the city of New York than sit around sipping tea and discussing sartorial matters. He in- vited photographer Terry 0ʻNeill and me to join him on a shopping expedition, and it seemed a reason- able idea. Freddie was his casual self in short fur coat, white satin slacks, white clogs and silver snake bracelet.

The problems we encountered were little ones. Like young girls sobbing softly outside the door of a shoe shop while Freddie sought some- thing for the regal feet inside. And then there was the confusion of the young lady in Bloomingdale's depart- ment store who began to give Freddie a free manicure, only to discover that the nails on his left hand were already painted with black lacquer.

Freddie said, I love America. But l cant imagine ever coming here to live.

Our music is successful over here because it is so distinctively English.

We must keep it that way. I have just bought a new house in London, and an enormous car that looks like a boat on wheels. I could never leave all that.

And I have far too much fun ever to worry about a silly little thing like tax.

I know l'm terribly extravagant.

I always have been. My life these days is one perpetual spending spree. So I suppose l am the sort of person who needs to find ways of reducing tax.

But it's all such a bore. Why don't you buy a pair of these beautiful glitter shoes? They 're outrageous. And they 're cheap. And they re much more interesting than tax, don't you think?

I did think so. But I decided against buying the lurid footwear. You have to be a star to wear shoes like that.

Somebody rather like Freddie Mercury, in fact.

[mommycain]

Ethel Cain

ive been a big fan of Ethel Cain for a while now and it all started in 2020. shortly after discovering her, I began listening to all of the music that she made and it was weird because i've loved rock, metal, electronic, shoe-gaze and indie music and the artists that produce music of those genres, but i've never been so obsessed with someones music, the only ones that came close were deftones, nirvana, linkin park, breaking benjamin, in this moment, Chelsea grin, white chapel, son lux, and lorn. These bands / musicians meant a lot to me and still do, but i was never as in love with them like i am with Ethel Cain.

Growing up poor, gay, and autistic in southern Ohio (Wilmington OH) i was very isolated and ostracized by many. By the time i was a senior in highschool i had enough trauma to make a psychologists head spin, i was personally attacked by children and adults ever since i came out as gay at a very young age, sexually assaulted, abused in every way imaginable by multiple people, recovering from addiction, had multiple suicide attempts, multiple loved ones die, and helped raise my brother all before i was 18, so I really connected with many of the themes and lyrics in her music. I dont mean to come on here and dump all of my trauma on unsuspecting people, i just still cant believe there is someone out there that makes music that i can relate to on such a massive scale. I just want to give her a hug and thank her for existing in the same world as i do. The cliche of people saying "their music literally saved my life" always kind of bugged me, sure, some artists got me out of some dark moments in my life, but Hayden's music really did pull me away from self harm and suicide many times in my adult life. i want to sit down and just talk with her for hours and listen to her life story and thoughts. i know ... trust me i know, i sound kinda crazy, but i,ve just never felt this way about anyone's music except for her's.

Ive annoyed all of my friends relentlessly with how obsessed i am with her music and her as a person, and ive been spreading the gospel of Mother Cain as much as i can, but here are some deep dives into my thoughts about my favorite songs by Ethel Cain.

Earnhardt- 2020 / 2021.

This is the first Ethel Cain song i ever listened to. When i listened to Earnhardt for the first time, I felt seen, understood, and i was so confused as to why she wasnt more popular. This song had me in a chokehold and i still listen to it religiously, but anyways, Earnhardt really spoke to me when i first heard it and i fell in love with her voice and her mind while listening to this song. The betrayal and hopelessness in the lyrics and the theme of wanting things to get better but everything seems out of your control and only finding peace when thinking about your own death, it all spoke to me in ways i never imagined a single song could.

Michelle Pfeiffer- 2021

While i was scrolling on tiktok, i came across a video of Hayden sitting in a diner with her friend and i thought the whole vid seemed like a found footage film and i loved it, i started reading the comments and there were people saying that she was "running from the law" and "she killed someone i think and now shes fleeing her state", while i was confused, i went ahead and looked at her profile and saw that IT WAS HER, the one who made Earnhardt!!! my favorite song!!! so i went ahead and looked at other videos then stumbled upon a promotion for her new song: Michelle Pfeiffer and immediately listened to it. I was hooked ever since.

Ptolemaea- 2022

Yes, the song that puts the fear of god and or satan into the hearts of the mentally sane and cid-het men, as well as being an anthem to those that have been wronged by those same men. The feeling i got from hearing this song for the first time was extremely cathartic. the demonic and haunting voice of hayden at the end of the song is unnerving and devastating, when you hear it, it feels like a looming figure standing over your paralyzed / near lifeless body, and it wants you to let go and submit to it. The symbolism and poetry in Ptolemaea is something i admire to no end.

Hard Times- 2022

This song quickly became one of my best friends favorite songs, and i dont blame her, Hard Times is another devastating song that paints a picture of sorrow, trauma, insecurity, doubt, shame, and longing for stability and peace.

Dog Days- 2019

An almost lullaby about toxic relationships, full of pain and confliction. wanting to keep someone close to you no matter how much they hurt you, allowing them to hurt you because you can still see a glimpse of who they used to be, the person you fell in love with, excusing the abuse because they still show you affection from time to time, even when you know that loving them is only hurting you and you know it would be best to leave, you stay because no matter how hard you try, you cant help but fear the possibility that nobody will love you as much as they do. you know its poison, but youve been drinking it for so long you worry that life wont ever be the same without it. This is another song i relate to immensely.

Alright, ive been awake for over 37 hours now, so im gonna get some shuteye. i hope you found my crazed obsession amusing and or insightful, and i hope i dont look like a total psycho lmao, i just wanted to geek out and fangirl a bit because again ... i dont really feel this strongly about other musicians.

ps: Hayden ... Queen Ethel ... Mommy Cain ... if by some chance you see this, let me know! so i can die out of embarrassment in peace. thanks, love ya!

[obscenity]

⛧ ; hiihi

thank you for your response, again! do you have any favorite things about being schizoid or ones that you consider positive?

also, do have any views on szpd in the sense of it being a disorder and all that? i find it interesting because it's technically considered among the Serious Mental IllnessesTM and personality disorders (the latter of which makes sense but i wouldn't be surprised if people with other pds find it much harder to deal with theirs) but i don't really perceive my experiences as.... suffering? ill? or the like? perhaps it's because some other pds tend to come with intense emotions and i'm just. dissociated all the time pfff. the way i am feels normal to me, even if neurotypicals would consider schizoids very confusing or hard to understand or abnormal in general. though then again i have this sorta mindset that suffering and pain = negative emotions that are felt, like sadness or anger. not Nothing. emptiness isn't negative if you compare it to feeling upset. sure, there's supposed to be fullness, perhaps, but i don't view it that way aha. but regardless it's funny when you're neurodivergent with little awareness about others no matter what your neurodivergence is, because i can't comprehend neurotypicals are unlike me and that i'm supposed to be the weird one. i've always called them aliens instead aha. i'm perfectly normal To Me, so what're the weirdo neurotypicals on about? (/joke but also i do think that way.) i figure it's just interesting to think about.

hiiiiii again sorry it took me so long to answer this time ive been busy being insane (playing tower of fantasy)

anyways . for me it really depends on the day. sometimes i have a lot of fun just reveling in my space and existing with entirely 0 responsibilities and obligations from other people. its very nice. i like to imagine a future in which i continue to exist as i am now (doing absolutely nothing. at least for another 2 weeks before i have 2 start college) and i dont find myself upset by it. i dont find myself being sad or feeling lonely if i continue living in my own little world where no one is ever allowed in. im not overly upset at the possibility i might just be single for the rest of my life. im content to coast through life feeling very little. though like i said, it depends on the day. sometimes i get really mad at myself (im angry more often than sad) and wonder why i cant just be "normal". and why its so hard for me to just talk to people. its an uphill battle just to remain in peoples lives. its very difficult for me because i rarely, if ever, am the one to reach out first or message people first. i just dont, im often not thinking about other people for long enough to want to text first. which obviously means most other people take this as a sign of me not being interested. which isnt always the case with me. i just dont like being the person to do it. im terrible at putting effort into relationships because it just feels so ... hard. and not worth the fight to keep someone in my life. i often think things like "if they really wanted to stay, they would have" when i drift apart from people. of course i know relationships have to go both ways, realistically i know one person cant just always put in the effort. but the little schizoid devil that sits on my shoulder tells me otherwise. (if you were wondering the angel would also be the schizoid. ie the euphoria of cancelling plans and avoiding social situations)

i do consider it a disorder (because my nothing is in equal parts enjoyable as it is suffering) but youre right in that it just does feel very normal to me. ill probably never go to therapy for it, as its not something thats so debilitating to me that i need "fixed". theres nothing to really fix, i think this is just how i am. im not really interested in putting allthe effort in to make myself "normal" when i have no problem with myself in the first place. and i dont really consider myself abnormal, i dont really care honestly. i dont care if people think im a creep... or that im a weirdo.... or a freakazoid or whatever. im too busy having a superiority complex anyways

[moveslikejaggeria]

im very tired, tumblr dot com. im just very much exhausted. i think about how much i wanted to die just a few weeks ago and how happy i am now. but also,,, how i was right. happiness always comes in such fleeting moments. it sucks. the river is smaller, my dear friends, much easier to cross these days. but it doesnt mean its not still there.

i stopped seeing my therapist. and dietician. neither of them really reached out. fair enough. i think we were just dancing around the inevitable. i am therapist-proof: i repel them. its something about me that just pushes them away. its the me-ness.

i want a family so badly. all my friends are dating!! this sucks!! im so happy for them but wheres MY lover dearest. i hate dating apps though, im done with them. i gotta Know someone to date them and thats so hard over dating apps. alas

im so tired. not so much that its reached my bones, but its definitely deep in my muscles. i went and got a massage. it sucked and was expensive. now im sitting in the shower avoiding going to sleep bc as soon as i do tomorrow has to start. bleh

keep this to yourself porn bots but there was this person i really liked last year and god i was pretty infatuated but theyre not single so i had to get over it but sometimes i still have dreams with them in it and its kinda weird. like ik i cant control my dreams but it Feels manipulative to be in a situation where they are at my brains will. even i wont conform to that. plus then i wake up and the bed’s a little colder. alas

the loneliness is so deep in my bones i dont think itll ever leave, like a tumor they cant remove and you just kinda have to live with it and accept your fate. like a constant reminder that youre not normal or healthy and you never will or can be.

UGH i have TWO (2) meetings tomorrow. one of which is gonna SUCK bc i just have to sit there and be silent. i used to be really good at being silent. im twinning with mae from avatar lol.

i wish i lived in fiction. i wish i lived in a story that the author had all planned out and they had this nice little ending planned where everything was gonna finally be okay and id be happy. i think im trapped in a not-happy ending story. where the author tortures their characters relentlessly

how far away is labor day? i think labor day i’ll clean my apartment and finish moving in. maybe i’ll invite some friends over to keep me company, maybe not. maybe they will be busy or not want to. idk

not even a full week of school and im done. BLEH. i wish my therapist had put up more of a fight. or i had a better therapist. but then i wouldnt be talking to you, tumblr dot com! or maybe i still would. thats the question

there are two kind of depressed people: the ones who write happy endings for characters and imagine themselves AS the character to feel whole and those who torture their characters out of catharsis or to not feel so alone. so i suppose this is all karma for my fictional characters. do you think if i become the former life would be better?

OH tumblr dot com, i know you hate the tiky toky app, but they told me i was gonna find a partner this year! oh can you believe it! and if i listened to this one sound and manifested, i would be rich. oh tumblr dot com, can you imagine? someone to just hold and be held by? someone who you can lay your head against and listen to their heartbeat? someone you can trust with your whole you? oh tumblr dot com, how i do love to go on…

one last thing before i let you continue scrolling, mr porn bot. the happiest day of my life that i can remember is that one saturday last semester. i went to the arcade/golf course/gokart place place with my friends and we spent the day there and then we came home and i got to meet lewberger and see them perform and oh! the day before when i got my picture taken with stinger and got ice cream and knew random facts about greys anatomy and oh,,, to be young again. to live in those moments and just be happy. for that fleeting moment

[sikesk]

this is completely random, but i just need some kind of advice or just any at all for my situation if i’m right now because i’m to a point where i’m completely stuck and don’t know what to do.

i’m so lost and confused and have no idea what to do about this but i’m so tired of being alone. like i miss cuddles and slipping onto someone’s lap/vice versa and i miss the gentle and passionate kisses. i miss coming home exhausted and just being able to fall asleep with a partner. i miss being in love. i miss talking to someone every day MORE than just friends. i just want love dude. but at the exact same fucking time i’m so scared and if someone made a move with me i would be absolutely terrified and scared to open up to loving again yet i would be craving it so badly. it’s like i wanna throw myself into love so bad because of how much i just want it to happen for me again but my brain keeps yanking at me and forcing me to keep my walls up instead of lowering them and telling me to never open up again because it’ll just end in pain and i don’t know how to break it. my trust issues are so fucked up that it’s seriously starting to affect my daily life. and then every night i imagine having a lover and i just sit here and cry over it because i’m always only welcomed by cold bed sheets and with the haunting and heartbreaking thought in my mind that love simply isn’t for me and that i’m just meant to be alone and i’m just desperate/the feelings aren’t real. but i know they are.

i don’t know how to fix this and i’m way too scared to seek professional help for it but i have no idea to handle this on my own. looking back on it, i’ve never truly had someone (more than friends) that’s cared about me. why? because they always left me or got bored or something. my ex treated me good for a little while and then that slowly disappeared and turned into something absolutely unimaginable that truly wrecked my life and my entire outlook on my future. and yes i know it’s bad to be hung up on this and yes i know it’s probably me feeding on these bad thoughts because i don’t know what else to believe. i really don’t think there’s that someone out there for me. my teen romance phase already feels completely over.

i’m not even going to be a teenager for long and it makes me so fucking sick that the only ‘teen romance’ story i have is my abominable ex who ruined absolutely everything including me. i don’t have a bubbly fun teenage story to share. i don’t have friends to hang out with. i don’t have a partner that loves me and appreciates me and is there for me. i don’t have parents that give a single fuck about me. the only stories i have from being a teenager are me being extremely depressed, alone, unhappy, and insecure. heartbroken on top of it all. i just hate it.

i know that my life is mine and i can change it how i want but i feel like whatever happens is whatever happens. i cant really change it. and i definitely cant just go back in time and fix myself and make my parents good and take away my anxiety and crippling depression and fear of being alone for the rest of my life. i would take it all away and i find myself constantly wondering what kind of person i would be today if i didn’t go through everything i have. if my parents actually cared about me and loved me right. if my ex didn’t abuse me. if ‘friends’ i had didnt turn into assholes because of one sided stories. if i didnt have anxiety that made it scary and insanely difficult to do ANYTHING.

…anyone got any advice?? i’m seriously between a rock and hard place

[highpriestess-stuff]

omg i am just so close to losing it like first of all i so badly wanna just vent to ricky but like just something about burdening or l=unloading on someone doesnt sit right with me like last night i spent literally all night fuckin crying and crying because of what? because of fuckin life people wlak around just unleashing taking their anger out on others and im pver it like bitch i could do the fuckin same can i not give me a fucking chance piss me off and watch me go the fuck off on oyu like people i work with literally disgust they think their the only ones that have shit going on in their lives like god dammit just cause i can contain and control my self? bettter then u i dont walk around making other people feel like shit but fuckin come at me and i will swear to god i will show you wtf is up with me every single day its like endless its so fucking hard to just do this fuckin shit on ur own like these have no idea wtf i go through and they they can just treat me however they want? imagine if i did the fuckin same like i dont get any fuckin days off like do u even get how hard that is for me i havent worked this fuckin hard in my life im literally about to fuckin cry again and for what just to fuckin survive just because im an expensive person just because i wanna buy some nice this i wanna use money to fuckin elevate but i dont know it keeps fuckin disappearing i cant even eat the shit i want like i cant even fuck afford to go out ive never been so fuckin broke in my entire life who know i loved money this much who knew it was so fuckin important or my well being to be financially free and i dont wanna be that fuckin bitch to depend on others like how many times am i going to go crying to my family oh i dont have money i cant do this this is so fuckin hard like why start now? i dont want I WANNA BE AN INDEPENDANT WOMAN im fuckin crying again like that so i stive to be those are the bitches i look up to HOW THE FUCK DOES KIM K DO IT how do this single moms do it holy shit i have sooooooooooooooooo much fuckin respect for them if i didnt before well damn i do now yall are super heroes and to think to imagine that i couldve done the same i was fuckin insane bro this shit is so hard i thought i was so stong and tough fuck no these women are stong they are definition of stength because this is not fun anymore doing shit on ur own is not fun its fuckin overwhelming is fucking tiring its fucking foggy ur just living everyday like on repeat just fucking struggling to make ends meet and i swear it was not this hard before i even stopped my dogs dog walking cause i was running out of money and now im like pretty there and thats the biggest issue in my life like when i stress i fuckin streessssss and i hate it so much who knew money was so fuckin important to me like being abundant is literally the true source to my happiness & think theres people out there that have money and arent even happy ? is fuckin crazy to me because i got it all and no money and i am not fuckin happy and ive been in place where ive had nothing but got money in the bank for anything & i was still fuckin happy bro like each to their own but for me personally i need the money bro straight up thats something new i just learned about myself so freeing to learn who i am i need money!!!!! i want money!!!! i must have money I FUCKING LOVEEEE MONEY PERIOD

[mycanyon]

I havent posted in a while

Its because of a binge, stress at school and just general depression. Life is hell and everytime I think "Hey I havent had the urge to kill myself for a while now." it immedietly turns to "Maybe I should do it now."

I have a cat and I love him with all my heart but I just think its not enough to keep me alive if the time comes. I guess I would just bring him to the next shelter and then die. Idk.

But the reason I came back online is this:

I have this thing I do. I imagine myself being in a coma after I tried to off myself. And I imagine waking up and then I check who I would want to be there. Maybe holding my hand or just sitting on a chair reading a book or whatever. Maybe even just checking in for a second.

And I cant think of a single person I would be generally happy to see there.

My best friends... idk it just feels like this would be an awful thing to have between us for the rest of our lifes.

My mom was never really there for me. We never really got along and I couldnt stand it seeing her.

My brother is one of the few people that kind of get me but since he has 'awoken' (as I call it) we are so close that it kind of scares me sometimes what he knows about me. I would rather have him not knowing what I did.

Other friends are just... so... idk. Useless? I feel like thats just out of line you know?

Teachers (yes I am including them)? There are two I actually like and feel like I want them caring about me. Its because I never really had the parents to be there for me (dad died) and they seem like they actually care. But it feels so wrong. Being close to them just feels like I am hoping they would adopt me, a 22 year old, and take care of me as if I was their daughter. As much as I sometimes wished this would happen I know its to going too and also I dont want to. Lets be honest that just would be too weird.

Do I want strangers to be there? I would probably be okay with that. Not thrilled but nurses and doctors are fine people! And they are obligated to help you so... yeah probably. But I would probably rather have them forget me.

In the end what I really want is to come back as a ghost and finally see the people cry about me. And I want them to talk about me so that I can just for a few days be everything thats on their mind. That would be nice.

Dad if you are a ghost and read this by any chance: Hi! I wish you didnt die. I dont want to say it but I am fed up by mom. She doesnt even care about the fact that I dont care about her anymore. She never fought for me. I want you back! There is this possibility I am not graduating (again). I just feel like a year longer is too much if I even get to pass this one. And I dont know if I would do it by offing myself or just dropping out and letting my life get more miserable. I hate it.

I want to be loved.

[scp-69]

quote unquote "coming out" is so awkward and formal and weird. i will simply saunter through life as my authentic self and if people dont pick up on it thats their fault

[rcksmith]

Mine — Kaz Brekker

(photo not mine)

Requests: “9 from the fluff prompts with Kaz brekker please? It could be where they're keeping it a secret and it slips out? Thanks”

“Could you possibly do a kaz brekker and reader imagine where they are both like in their mid twenties. Number 9 from the fluff prompts “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?" "No, that girl is my wife”, I could just imagine him with the smuggest grin saying it. Your a very good writer and thank you if you decide to write this.”

“Could I get a kaz brekker x reader secret relationship with fluff prompts 5, 7, 12, and 14 please?”

Fluff prompts:

5. ”Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”

7. “I feel like i cant breathe when i’m around you.”

9. “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?!" "No, that girl is my wife!”

12. “I’m not jealous! Its just...you’re mine!”

14. “I don’t like to pretend we’re not together.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of fights, mention of post-traumatic stress, fluff too.

Word count: 2k.

A/N: Thank you💖 I hope you guys like. I changed some details a little, hope you don't mind

Normal Rules. Smut Rules.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you❤️

— — — —

Fissure. That's what mercenaries, thieves, assassins and his enemies were looking for. A fissure to drive Kaz Brekker to ruin. Burn his empire, wood for wood, until there is nothing left but funeral ashes swept away by the winter wind. Even the most infinitesimal fissure would ensure that his enemies infiltrate, like hungry parasites, into the heart of the dungeon of his deepest secrets. Swallowing, absorbing, any hint of what could do the infamous the Bastard of the Barrel down to his own knees.

And Kaz Brekker feared that if they looked into the most secluded corner of his dungeons, where it was reserved to hide the greatest truths of his soul, they would find the one only thing to beg on his knees for would be something he would do without hesitation.

You.

You were like the last summer solstice in a world ruled by darkness, cold and empty. Which he kept in a chest locked with seven chains.

If he had to describe you with the five senses, Brekker would remind that, when he was in the bitter cold of the ocean, clutching the stiffness of dead and putrefying flesh like a lifeboat, a ray of sunshine, warm as the summer, it opened up through the thunderclouds and came down to his face, warming that spot of skin like a kiss from the sun.

And it would be with that memory that he would describe you.

Kaz Brekker shouldn't have fallen in love with you. He was the person who most understood the disastrous consequences if he let himself get carried away by the way his heart sped up whenever he saw you. If he allowed herself to taste the way all of your heat radiated into his body and made him feel alive. But he fell in love.

Everything was all too much. The feeling of life every time you said his name, like a devotion, something religious, lyrical. The sweetness in your eyes, the warm voice. Everything had been too much.

And what should he do? Tell you he missed you every time you went on a mission? Saying that he were jealous and envy of Jesper because the man managed to make you laugh with a silly joke and hug you tight, something Kaz still hadn't been able to do? Tell you it was almost religious the way he venerated your smile? Of course not. Because all these things would have been sensible, and Kaz couldn't do anything sensible around you.

Because when he saw life offering him, with such joy, the one thing that had been denied him all his life, and that he swore never to crave, his first impulse was anger. Stupid, irrational anger.

So, for the first few moments, his entire reaction to you had been cold, distant, almost avoidant. Because the way his whole body shook in hot spasms when, in that summery tone, you called his name, it was too much for Kaz to handle.

“Kaz!” You call, one night.

He heard your voice from across the crow club, and had to close his eyes tightly at the way his heart leapt in his chest.

"Hey, hey." You appeared beside him, your cheeks chased away by coral red, the happy smile and the sparkle in your eyes as someone who have the path to true happiness. "Jessy said you were wanting to find a new way to invade that bank."

Oh perfect. In the same way his body exalted when he heard the sound of your name and your lips, hearing you call Jesper by that infernal nickname had a much more destabilizing effect. And fierce.

Kaz raised an eyebrow at you, in a nonchalant gesture but inviting you to keep talking.

“I happen to know of an underground path.” For an instant, the pride in your smile made Kaz want to smile too. “You and I can put together a map today and we'll be right tomorrow to go.”

That was one of the times Kaz should have made some dry, disinterested, trivial comment, something that made you not want to spend time with him, something that made you turn around and walk away. He should have turned around and left. He had done this over a thousand times with other people and knew it to be one of the best outings.

Still, the acid comment didn't come and he couldn't turn his back on you.

So, like the idiot he became whenever it came to you, Kaz couldn't help but spend an hour in your company. Even if it resulted in him lying in bed at the end of the day, alone and feeling the guilt gnawing at him more and more.

So, before he even knew it, Kaz was already in his office with you, listening to you chatter about things he knew he should have been paying attention to. But the way the crackling of the fire flames in the fireplace flashed across your face was a distraction of unimaginable proportions.

“Jessy and I…”

“You want to stop.” He found himself saying before he even realized it. “That nickname is already exasperating me.”

“Why? Jealousy?” You joked, oblivious to the truth.

Kaz looked at you like your comment was the most pathetic thing he'd ever heard. He wanted to screaming: ‘I’m not jealous! Its just...you’re mine!.’ But he didn't. Instead, the words that came out were:

“No. It's childish and immature, and it doesn't fit with...”

"What if I call you ‘Darling’?” You rested your chin on both palms of your hand, your elbows resting on his desk in his office.

Kaz's heart skipped a beat.

“That way you won't be jealous of Jessy's nickname and…”

“It's not jealousy!” He countered, and too late realized that he didn't disagree in the first instance about the nickname, but about the green color that emanated from his body.

And you didn't let that go either.

Your eyes took on a caustic gleam that you quickly hid, turning to the map on the table and going back to drawing the paths. “Okay, Darling.”

After that night, Kaz's self-control began to crumble.

He gave you death glares whenever you called him that nickname, but he never dared contradict or scold you. Much less deny it. The truth was, the core of his soul wanted this. He wanted every part of your caress warm as summer. He wanted to appreciate how perfect you looked when you called him that way. As if that nickname was born just to be used between you.

Something unique.

Over time, his body's physical reactions began to be stronger, coercive and overwhelming. Kaz felt dry, burning, and you soothed and inflamed him at the same time. You were the breath of peace, and also a glass of hot brandy.

And everything that he once felt dead, frozen or putrefying, slowly began to blossom, reborn and shine.

"Darling." You said, going behind the chair Kaz was sitting in, submerged in the Krisha security system sheets in front of he. “You've been there for hours.”

He ignored you, though his body was all too aware of yours behind him, the way your breath hit the top of his ear, how your heat hit his back like a high summer breeze. Kaz swallowed hard, ordering his eyes to stay on the pages.

“What are you reading?”

Your voice rang out from the top of his head, and Kaz felt his heart race into a cardiac arrhythmia the second your hands went to the back of the chair and your face tilted, chin hovering millimeters from his shoulder, your nose almost brushing his cheek.

Fucking Saints! You were hot! It was as if you had sun bathed, swam in the flames of fire, and been born into the summer.

Kaz lost his breath. His sanity. His soul.

“Do not do this.” His voice was no more than a whisper.

You looked at him, the furs not touching but breath hitting each other's cheeks. Kaz followed your gaze, and suddenly the world subtly turned hot. Pulsing and muffled.

“What?” You whispered, your heart so fast.

This was the time for Kaz to use the touche in a very valid argument. To make you move away as fast as you approached. To nip in the bud any path this interaction between you could take. He should have said about the touch. But he didn't remember. Kaz didn't remember his limitation, his traumas, his demons.

In that second, of insanity and magic, you couldn't do that just because…

"I feel like I cant breathe when I'm around you." He said.

After that day, Kaz realized that life no longer made sense without having you by his side to share it. Money didn't have the same value anymore if you weren't there, the robberies didn't make sense anymore if he couldn't tell you how it was at the end of the day, or have you by his side to fight.

Very quickly, Kaz Brekker realized that he had lost the battle against his own feelings. Loving you was inevitable. And having you close to him was made as essential as breathing. That's when things between the two of you developed faster, more solid, more right. The weeks turned to months, the months to years, and your relationship fortified as gloriously as the hilt of a sword.

Kaz still had very difficult moments with touching, days when a single brush of fur was unbearable and the mention of a kiss was impossible. But you stayed there. Firm and unshakable. Giving your summer smiles,your warm winks, and his nickname that had the power to soothe every nerve in Kaz's body.

However, the more Kaz understand that he was need you to he still live, the deeper he hid any trace of public affection for you. Any clue that could sparked the theory in someone that you were the reason, for Brekker, for the sun rose every morning. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Never.

Kaz Brekker became very aware that his soul was harnessed to yours. And there was nothing in the world that would take you away from he. Not while he lived, and even seven feet from land, Kaz would still find a way to fight for you.

It was a logical decision when he said you two should get married. Kaz was still trying to maintain his serene posture as his soul burned in a fire too eager and excited to make official anything that said you were his. That he had finally managed to have that ray of sunshine in the midst of the atrocious ocean. You, unlike him, exhaled your happiness in excited squeals, little jumps of joy and a passionate, quick kiss on the man in front of you.

And Kaz understood, as perfectly as the sky are blue, that he would do anything, for the rest of his life, to be worthy of that overwhelming happiness that sparkled in yours smiles.

“Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.” He said, feeling himself smile because your happiness for the wedding was exorbitant.

And you, like the little tease you were who loved to make him piss off, smiled even more and hugged him. He love you. Unconditionally.

But, just like the ocean waves, Kaz and you have had your ups and downs. He wasn't a man who had a lot of patience, and you weren't the most obedient, calm woman in the world. You found him exasperating and he found you as stubborn as a door.

"I already said you can't do that!" And there he was, once again, lecturing you because you showed too much affection, in his mind, for him in a public situation.

And, as Kaz fucking Brekker liked to point out, ‘all walls have eyes and ears’.

"We've been together for six years, Kaz!" You tried to keep your blood calm, but you weren't a person to put up with sermons. “Is this going to be our life? Living as if we have the same connection as a boss and an employee?!”

“And what do you want, Y/n?!” He placed both hands on his office desk, looking at you from the other side “Want us to have a party and tell everyone?! Or do you prefer to hang a red target on your chest?!”

"I did not say that!" You were starting to get really angry. “I'm not asking for a billboard saying we're married and you know it! The only thing I'm saying is that you let me choose to sit next to you, take your hand, or tell you I love you when any of us go off on a dangerous mission!"

Kaz shook his head, impassable, his gaze flashing with anger. How did you not realize he was trying to save you?! Save everything you two built, your lives! And all this for what? Walking hand in hand on the street? It was ridiculous!

“This is indisputable!”

“Kaz…”

“I said no!” He slapped his hands on the table.

A less brave woman would have cringed. But not you.

“I don’t like to pretend we’re not together!”

“And I don't like a fucking girl who complains all the fucking time about something I do to save her! But it feels like I've been put up with it for six years, doesn't it?!”

The words hit you like a slap. Crackling, burning and electrifying. You felt yourself holding your breath and your shoulders instinctively tightening back. The room was silent. Loaded with tension, as if lightning had just hit the ground.

You looked at Kaz in amazement. And he pursed his lips when he realized what he'd said.

“Put up with? And you call me ‘fucking girl’ ?” You repeated, your voice low, serious and in a mixture of hurt and outrage. “Good to know.”

You turned your back, walking out of the office and slamming the door behind you hard, making the thud reverberate through the corridors of Kaz's soul.

"Y/n!" He called you, striding to the door "Y/n!"

But when Kaz pulled the doorknob and took a few steps down the hall, it wasn't you he bumped into. It was Nina, trying to hide, in a very terrible way, her curious and shocked expression. In female hands she carried a small stack of documents, probably something important that Kaz needed to check.

He had to check that out. But his eyes, restless and quick, wandered the great hall of the crow club below, watching your figure pass between the bodies, advancing towards the exit.

"Sooo…" Nina started, even though the attention wasn't on her. "Couple fights, right?"

But Kaz didn't think before nodding, trying to get past Nina to catch up with you. But of course the girl wasn't going to let Brekker get away with it that quickly. She was betting with Inej how long you two would pretend to have nothing. And now she was going to get the truth!

"So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?" The smile of shock and excitement was wide open on her face.

Kaz muttered a curse, gently pushing the girl aside and moving towards the stairs, aiming to catch up with you. But not before answering:

"No, that girl is my wife!"

[violettelueur]

— GOJO SATORU || JEALOUS TYPE

↳ featuring : gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of sleeping pills and grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 05 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in imagine

↳ word count : 1.3k

↳ synopsis : waking up without your husband in bed with you, you decided to go search for him only to find him filling out paperwork that was long overdue.

↳ request : Hi!! Can i request a gojo x reader where gojo is doing some paperwork and the reader cant fell asleep without him so gojo made her sit on his lap while doing some paperwork and the reader falls asleep? When gojo is finished in his paperwork he went to sleep with the reader in their bedroom. Can you please make it fluffy? Thank you! I also love all of your works!

↳ barista’s notes : so...awkward times when some of your coffee orders (requests) disappear from your inbox hahahaha.....ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ but after i have written some of my ideas, i will update the ‘coffees in progress page’ (wip) for you guys to see if your requested got/didn’t get deleted! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please don’t be shy to order again soon ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

“When are you going to finish?”

Turning around from his seat, Gojo’s bright crystal eyes instantly caught the adorable sight of you standing by the doorway, wearing one of his large black jumpers paired with the classic black three-stripe Adidas shorts, as you covered your eyes trying to adjusting to the new lighting of the single lamp that was on.

“I’m doing some paperwork honey~” Gojo cheekily commented while twirling the pencil he was holding in his hand causing you to look at your husband in complete annoyance since you were the one that kept constantly reminding him that he needed to get his work done or he was going to sleep really late with the chances of him being at a slight disadvantage when coming into contact with curses - but, of course, he didn’t listen and using the excuse of ‘don’t worry, I’m the strongest’.

“I told you to do it earlier, why didn’t you listen to me?” you asked in an irritated tone, as you then processed to walk up to the ‘hard-working’ man causing Gojo to smile as he managed to get a closer look at you without him asking.

From closer inspection, Gojo could tell you were still extremely tired due to how heavy your eyes looked since it seemed like you were struggling to keep them open, your hair was tangled and messy but that was one of Gojo’s favourite things to see but he would rather see it in the morning rather than sleep-deprived as you were at this moment in time. 

Ever since you and Gojo established your romantic relationship during the second-year, he slowly began to realise that you would sleep as early as possible even when the shorthand of the clock just hit the number 7 in the evening. At first, he didn’t really care too much about it at first, he just thought you weren’t a night owl at all. However, he remembered one day you came into class with such dark circles, he couldn’t help but worry.

“Ahhh~ I have trouble sleeping in general, sleeping pills don’t work at all as well, so that’s why I sleep early.”

After that little discussion, Gojo made it his role to make sure you got enough sleep for the next day even if he had to stay in your room all night to make sure and it was still that same ever since you both got married. However, there were times when he had to overwork due to the number of missions that higher-ups passed on to him causing him to worry from time to time, but it seemed like you were slowly improving to which he was so proud of you for.

“Can’t sleep without me?” Gojo teased, leading to a frown to grow on your face which caused you to turn around as you weren’t in the mood to deal with his nuisance at 2 am in the morning. However, before you could even take a single step back to your shared bedroom, you suddenly felt a large hand wrap its fingers around your wrist leading to a halt in your moment. Gently, you were pulled back leading to you to lose your footing due to your drowsiness before an arm wrapped itself on your back preventing you from falling onto the wooden floor.

Blinking in surprise, you steadily came to the realisation that you now were on your husband’s lap as his other arm had dropped the pen he was holding to reach over to the couch where a spare blanket was placed, which was suddenly covering you from the cool air that was surrounding the room. “Go to sleep, I’ll take you back to bed when I’m done,” the white-haired sorcerer commented with a soft tone, causing you to look up at him before giving into the chance as your slyly wrapped your arms around his neck before pressing your face into his shoulder to get away from the bright light that your eyes weren’t still adjusted to.

Tenderly, one of Gojo’s hands began to run up and down your back trying to soothe you to sleep while his other hand went back to the pen that was abandoned to continue filling out the forms he was meant to do a week ago. Smiling, he leaned his head lightly against yours trying to relish the feeling of you needing him since he knew that the moment you both leave the four walls that were surrounding you, you wouldn’t show this vulnerable side to him. You refused to.

Comparing you to your personal life to your professional life, you clearly had two different personalities. When you were at school, you were cool, calm and collective, sometimes a little too blunt but there was a perfect mix of teasing that came along with it - clearly influenced by the one and only, himself. He vividly remembered the time when you joked about Fushiguro being the type to kick a stray cat after saying ‘such a nuisance’ or the time you joked that Itadori was the type to push a door that says ‘pull’ leading Kugisaki to laugh hysterically while both of the mentioned boys began to argue, yet the second you pat their hands and say ‘I’m only joking’, they both would suddenly calm down.

On the other hand, when you were at home with him or alone, you were more relaxed from your professional behaviour and sweet, leading him to wonder what switch did you flicker to change your brain. But he never questioned it. To be honest, he rather not since he knew the moment he would mention it, you would revert back to your work personality and not the kind and sweet one that was reserved for him.

“I would tell you to be more like that at work, but I’m too much of the jealous type,” Gojo whispered even though he knew that you were already asleep due to your light breathing pattern and how the tight hold you had around his neck slightly loosened. 

Signing off the last sheet that was on the towering pile, Gojo let out a sigh of relief before turning his head to get a quick sight of you, only to find that you were still in an unconscious state leading to the special grade sorcerer to look at the time on his phone to find that an hour had passed. 3:05 am.

Carefully reaching over to the lamp, Gojo flicked the switch causing the lighting to gradually disappear before slowly pushing out his chair as he looped an arm under your knees as he picked you up bridal style. Quickly making his way to your shared bedroom, Gojo began to gently place you down onto your side of the bed before slowly beginning to unhook the arms that were still around his neck. However, before he could even move to his side, he felt your hand instinctively grab his hand causing the playful man to look at you with a smile on his face as he looked down at your sleeping figure.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” Gojo whispered as he lightly stroked your cheek resulting in the grip of your hand to loosen as if you were awake to understand him. Climbing into his side of the bed, Gojo carefully pulled you into his arms causing you to snuggle further into the warmth that he was generously providing you before subconsciously wrapping an arm around his body wanting to keep him as close to you as possible.

“Yeah, I’m too much of the jealous type to let you show this side of you” Gojo mumbled as he slowly closed his eyes, following your route to a slumber that he had been desperate for since the moment he had you in his arms.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[mxaizupublishionhouse]

Do you do Yandere x Reader? If so, can you do Tartaglia? I look forward to it! —TotallyNotZhongli

Note : Of course! I hope you like my first Yandere!Childe and enjoy it! Also,thanks for the request! I really appreciate it! Warning : Yandere,mention of blood

My Sweet Love [Yandere!Childe x gn!reader]

Knock Knock

You turned to look over your shoulder to see familiar ginger man leaning against the wall,facing you with his arms folded on his chest. Your eyes scanning his leaning figure with a tilted head, wondering what he's doing here. You just enjoying the view of the night Liyue after a tiring day alone with the wind washing away any worry thoughts. "Enjoying the view, are we?" his voice calmly asking as he now standing next to you, watching the beautiful view in front of him. But,in his eyes, there's only one person that able to take his breath away easily. "Liyue's pretty in nights," you stated softly, tucking you hair behind your ear to keep it out of your face while Childe noticed a beautiful earring on your ear. He never gave you any earring.Who dare to touch his lov-

"Childe? Something's wrong?" you asked looking at his unreadable expression. He quickly flashes his usual playful smile and leaning on the wooden railing carefully. "Nothing,I just noticed that beautiful earring you got there," he stated while a little smile. You touched the accessory and smiled. "Mr.Zhongli got it for me.I insisted for him to keep but he looked sincere.."you answered,remembered the heartwarming scene that made a smile also crept into your lips.

Childe's fist tighten on his side when heard another man's name coming out from your lips. Thoughts of the Consultant making your heart beats faster than him making sick thoughts creeping into his head. He met you a while back but with his heart, he knew you are the one for him.The one that he will live together with,the one that will be the mother on his children and the one that will be wrapped around his arms when sleeping in the nights. No one else. Only him. He don't care if you like it or not- "Goodnight,Childe.I will see you tomorrow," you smiled at him and left a soft peck on his lips shyly before walking back into the building. He watched your figure in silence before wandering his gaze around before spotted Mr.Zhongli himself,walking home alone.

"Does anyone ever tell you not to touch other people's property"

"Childe acting out of place lately.." you muttered under your breath while sitting behind the counter of your family shop. There wasn't any customers right now and you checked the clock. You planned to meet with Zhongli for lunch so you prepared to visit him. You told your other worker to take care of the shop before walking out to breath fresh air of Liyue. You fixed your qipao before walking towards Zhongli's house since he told you that he taking a day off. You still wondering what's happened to Childe. Since the night at the balcony, he rarely showing up to see you at your shop at usual anymore. You did miss his charming smile on his handsome face everytime he walked in your shop. 'Probably he just busy with his works' you muttered to yourself,convincing yourself. You still remember the spontaneous kiss few nights and your cheeks flushed in warmth.

"Maybe I should tell him about it.."

After walking for a while, you arrived at the front door and knocked but realized the door was left unlocked. You excused yourself and step in the typical Chinese house that decorated with beautiful decorations. Weirdly, no one was in the house and there's no sign of Zhongli. "[y/n]?" called a familiar voice that stopped you in your tracks before turning around. Childe came out from Zhongli's bedroom made you gasped. "Childe? What are you doing in here?" you asked him before facing him with nervous gaze. What did he do to Zhongli? hurt him? Is this why he never visit you at shop again? A gloved hand caressing your cheek gently while his other hand closing the locking the front door. You looked up to look at him,hoping that all these just little fun pranks since Childe and Zhongli are good friends.

But all you saw was.. dull and possessiveness in his ocean blue eyes that sent cold shivers down your spine.

"You look as beautiful as always.." he praised your his voice now next to your ear and he suddenly forcefully pulled down to take off the single earring made you almost scream in pain but his other free hand covering your mouth quickly. "Shh~ Don't make too much noise~" he purred softly as you sobbing quietly when felt the blood trails down from your injured ear onto your shoulder.

"W-why.."

"Because I love you so much..You are made to be loved by me and no one else.. No one can touch and look at you the same as I do,dear.."

Your knees weakening under his drunk in love gaze on you that putting you trembling. Before you could react, you fist landed straight to his nose that made him stumbled few steps back with a groan. You ran into the front door but he caught your wrist and pinned you against the wall with him hovering behind you. Your heart pounding loudly in your ears in fear of the worst outcomes.

"Let me go,Childe..."

"Nope.You already in my arms, I'm not gonna let you go easily.. I couldn't bring myself to see you talking to others when I'm the one who deserve to be next to you!"

You flinched when his fist collided with the wall next to your head. You kept the tears inside,fear he might hurt you.

"Say,[y/n]..I will give you anything you desire;money,power,..happiness.." he whispered into your ear with heavy breaths. "We will live together in loving life..No disturbance..No other people..No Zhongli.." he continued before you heard he threw the earring onto the floor loudly. You just gulped down in fear when he asked "So,what do you say?"

"N-No..Let me go.."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Listen.." his hand landed onto your hips gently. "I will give you everything. Everything you ever desire..Anything for my sweet [y/n]..And all you have to do is stay by my side,that's all.You don't have to work hard, you just need to be home when I'm home..Not much..And your love must be full,only for me"

You love Childe but not this Childe. You want to live with him but not in a forced way. You closed your eyes and shaking your head,rejecting his offer. The pain from your bleeding ear now throbbing,making you dizzy.

"Such a stubborn one."

He turned you around to face him before his hand brought your chin to look at him.

"i love you.I love you so much. So much that I will defeat the Gods just for you to look at me with those pretty eyes of yours. You love me,right? You always waiting for me,right? You will always look at me in loving gaze,right?"

"I love you but..."

"But?"

"I love you but not this kind of love,Tartaglia.."

He closed his mouth while staring at you,speechless. Do you fear of him now? Do you not want to have a family with him after this? Or.. your heart already belong to that damn Zhongli..

"I love you,[y/n].."

That was his last words before his lips crashing onto yours,forcing you to kiss him like your life depend on it. Tears dripping down from your eyes but you nervously kisses him back just to satisfied him. After a while of his rough yet lovable make out, he broke the kiss and whispered.

"Good,good~"

You fell into unconscious after a hit landed onto your neck. You felt a pair of arms catching you from hitting the floor and you cant imagine what will happen next..

[k3lynn]

mine — katsuki bakugou

yandere! katsuki bakugou x reader

cw: yandere au, 3rd year bakugou, violence, reader got female genitalia, anger, off-“screen” murder, mention of (minor) character death, blood, lucidness, possessiveness, degradation, manipulation, stalking, threats, masturbation, implication of sex, swearing, assault, narcissism, horror, slightly delusional katsuki, panic attack, non con, mention of suicide

- I do not condone any of the behavior here, nor do I try to romanticize it. (definition: make it seem like a good thing) any future/current dark fics are purely for entertainment purposes. Also, I don’t think bakugou would EVER do this- I’m just using some dark traits he used to have and twisting them to fit this situation. Not completely proof read and edited, I am exhausted right now I’m sorry. I say some mean things about some characters but I don’t mean it 💗

words: 1.8k

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙽𝙷𝙰 𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃 // 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙴 𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME.

Poor little Y/N. You’ve caught the Big Bad Wolf’s attention. Ready to snatch you up and drag you into the deepest parts of the forest where no one will ever find you.

You’ll be all mine, and I’ll be the only thing you’ll ever have to see again.

You’ve been in the same class for 3 years now- and all he had to show for it is an occasional wave, and a shy little “Hi Bakugou” every morning that made his heart leap out of his chest.

Enough for most, but not for him.

In turn, he would tsk. Facing away and setting his head down on the desk- attempting to hide the roaring blush adorning his cheeks and the subtle shuffling in his pants- the way your voice alone could make his balls tighten in need.

Still- you give him merely a glance. He is always around you, but your attention is given to someone else.

Any extra would overlook his grumbling for typical-Katsuki doing his own thing. In reality, he’s holding himself back from snapping and taking you by force.

He wants you to come to him.

You have no reason not to. He’s perfect. Probably the best student to ever enter U.A. High, and on path to become the best pro hero to ever graduate from it.

Coming first in both the Entrance Exams AND the sports festival- a victory he still denies, holding some of the highest grades in class- 3rd only to some geek girl he could easily out-rank in combat and that shitty half n’ half. Even perceptiveness, intellect, and determination that can rival dumb Deku.

He even possesses great skills in cooking and music- Katsuki is a natural-born genius. Anybody who isn’t conscious towards his incredible talents might as well be living under a rock-

Unbeknownst to you, he’s giving you the generous chance to decide when you’ll be his. But his patience wears thinner every day.

It would have only taken a second to turn around in your seat and notice his piercing red eyes glaring at the back of your head.

So why don’t you notice me.

-

He doesn’t understand why it’s you he obsesses about. He can’t even remember when this whole mess started.

He tried denying his feelings. But quickly- they built up and festered inside him, begging to come out. Love, possessiveness, same thing.

Whether it be watching your twist and turn in the obstacle course- then running to the nearest bathroom to furiously grip his cock.

Snatching your chapstick when you’re not looking and rubbing it all around his own lips- imagining that’s what your lips would taste like if you just kissed him-

Restraining you during combat training by wrapping his arms around you- squeezing your breast a little more than necessary. Pinning you to the floor until you admit defeat.

Or even sneaking into your dorm while you’re in the shower to grab a new pair of panties from your dirty laundry, adding it to the stash he keeps hidden under his bed.

Stalking you. Keeping you close at all times without you even knowing it.

Indeed, he knows he’s a sick and twisted human being.

But by now he hardly cares- he’s worked too hard to ever even imagine of changing his perfect target. Nobody is more deserving of you than him.

So if he has to confront, threaten, and beat every single person in this stupid school to monopolize you for himself- he gladly will. Anyone who goes againts that is challenging him.

He scoffs anytime a boy approaches you- it’s well known around school that anyone who attempts to buddy up with you mysteriously ends up in a hospital room with no recollection of what happened. People even started seeing you as a sign of bad luck.

He’s nice enough to allow you some friends though. But only ones who will guarantee you’ll be around him as much as possible.

So you sit with him, Kirishima, racoon eyes, dunce face, and tape boy in lunch. No one else. Right in front of him.

You’re chatting away with Mina, but unusually, something special came up in conversation.

He always stays focused on his lunch- switching between listening in and day dreaming about bending you over the lunch table and grinding on your ass-

Katsuki’s stomach dropped. His eyes widened- what did Mina just say?

There’s a boy in the management department, a quirkless 2nd year nobody smart enough to somehow get into U.A.

And he asked you out on a date after school.

Shit.

No.

No no no no-

No- this isn’t how it’s supposed to-

My throat burns.

When did he- when did you-

You’re going to say no, right?

I cant breathe.

You don’t like anyone- I know this

I know everything about you- I-

My chest hurts-

You’re mine.

And if he thinks I’ll share then I’ll-

“Mina stop being so loud please...” your delicate little voice whispered.

The rest of the table already took notice of what was going on- bombarding you with questions that made you flustered.

“Woah woah- Y/n, what’s your answer?” dunce face peeps out, Bakugou swore he could smack that grin off his face right then and there.

Katsuki turns to look at you again- a chill traveling down his spine once he made eye contact, but your stare quickly fell to the floor.

“I’m not sure yet- probably not.. ha.” You shrugged- a light pink dusting over your cheeks. The others, satisfied, dismiss the topic.

Had it have been anybody else observing, they wouldn’t have thought much of it. But Katsuki knows you like the back of his hand. Successfully deceiving him would be harder than taking down All For One.

You’re lying... aren’t you? In front of him too- All because of this quirkless fucking loser-

Katsuki hates lies.

.

.

.

I’m going to kill him.

-

The walk back to your dorm was disappointing to say the least. But you can’t expect someone to be in the best of moods when they’ve been stood up.

You almost couldn’t believe it either- he had seemed so kind and genuine that you stood there for an extra 2 hours. But that’s your luck with boys-

‘I hope you got a good laugh out of it, jerk.’ You huffed before inserting the key into your rooms lock.

Turning on the lights, you allow your eyes to adjust for a moment before stepping inside and walking to your desk.

“You were waiting for that jackass for so long I almost started thinking you would never come back...”

You let out a startled cry before dropping your keys and whirling around in a flash- recognizing Katsuki’s back as he slowly closes the door.

“Bakugou? Why are you-“

“was he really that special.”

“What do you mean was....“ It’s then you noticed the blood dripping down his arms and hands- your door decorated with the same shade of crimson.

“oh my god.. Bakugou,”

That’s why the poor boy never showed up.

You knew about Katsuki’s “little” crush on you for a while now. His stares weren’t exactly the most subtle after all-

You found his uncertainty adorable, heck, a part of you was waiting for him to confess. But you would have never imagined his infatuation went this far.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. He’ll never love you as much as I do.”

He lifts his head, and your eyes meet his. Bloodshot- as if he’d been crying, but the evident smirk on his face showed nothing but pure malice.

“Not that he’ll ever get the chance to anyways”

He’s too fast, too close to the door, he has all the advantage in this situation. But you have to try. You have to leave this room at this very moment or you may never make it out alive. There’s no reasoning with him.

You clutch your heart. He steps forward, and you instinctively bolt to the door.

A few easy moves and he has you pinned by the neck on the ground, legs bent and used to hold your arms from jerking too much. His free hand is outstretched, creating small explosions that made you automatically stiffen your movement.

“Bakugou please- I won’t ever tell anyone, we can forget about this and I’ll pretend it neve-“

“I don’t need you to be quiet. I’m the boy who rejected a direct offer from the League of Villains, one of the best students in U.A. high- even if you do rat me out, they’ll never believe you...”

His grip on your neck tightened- nails cutting through skin and little droplets of blood start showing up. His hand starts heating up and a panic courses through your veins.

“I’ll kill you before they even begin to suspect me.”

Choked sobs escape your lips from the pain and fear surging through your body- “I- I thought you said you lo-loved me.”

“I do... that’s why you’ll be mine forever.”

He leaned down, low enough for you to feel his warm breath- then used his tongue to sadistically lick off the tears running down your cheek, a salty but satisfying flavor entering his mouth.

“In this life, and the next. It’s up to you when we see the later.”

You nod, hoping he relaxes the pressure on your neck. His face softens, something you swore you would never see in Bakugou. He releases his hold.

“You made me mess up your neck, next time don’t be so mean.”

He tilted your chin up, observing the scratches and bruises littered all around it. As soon as he determines there’s no serious injury, he picks you up to lay you on your bed. Climbing in next to you and wrapping an arm around your hips.

“Couples cuddle like this all the time don’t they.”

You gave him silence, although he didn’t mind. With one glare he had you shuffling to move closer to his chest.

“they also kiss.”

You know that right now, there’s no point in fighting. So you give in to what he wants in hopes that one day, you’ll break free from the hold he secretly had on you for so long. You’ll play along. You’ll survive.

You shudder as his hands reach to cradle your cheek, wiping the blood of the boy all over it. He loved it. It proved he won. He gave a light kiss to your lips before attacking your neck, set on putting a new type of bruise on you.

“You should start calling me Katsuki.”

“Ka- Katsuki.” You barely managed to whimper out.

He caresses your hair, cooing soft whispers into your ear in an attempt to calm your sniffling. An action you would have seen as sweet if it weren’t for the constant threat of death over your shoulder.

Your breath hitches in horror as you feel his warm hands trail down your body, gripping your smooth inner thigh before delicately starting to drag his fingers up.

“You know...

You silently beg for him to stop.

“There’s one more thing couples do.”

-if anyone is interested- should I make a part 2? (Future edit, I’m not satisfied with this, I might end up rewriting in the future)

© 2021 k3lynn, do not modify or repost without permission

[stopeatingwhales]

pregnant x damon albarn

MORE DILF DAMON. this made me want to slowly die I cant it was so cute to write

Pairing: 2014 damon albarn x reader

Warnings: none :D

Word count: 1.341

Requested by anon <3

༉‧₊˚✧

The world around me seemed as if it was spinning at a pace more sporadic than lightwaves as I attempted to focus my gaze on the two faint red lines, which had begun to illustrate themselves on the plastic stick, increasing it’s coloured prominence after each second had passed. Those same two lines, coincidentally, provided me the answer to all the dilemmas that had been enthralled and cultivated over the past week: the consistent queasy feeling that encompassed my limbs every moment I tried to fix my body in a standing position, my guts instantly being triggered by the sudden movement that I would go and throw up - said to be morning sickness, the irritable craving for any little thing that cropped up into my brain for less than the sum of a minute, resulting in me forcing my boyfriend to journey to the corner store, purchasing the specific one that I had wanted, otherwise I would’ve gotten all fussy and made him return back to get it; as well as the horrible mood swings that would occur, provoked by the sudden increase in hormone levels displacing my demeanour constantly, remaining me a mopey mess… It was simply a fever, a cold, a horrible catch of influenza, though as soon as the realisation washed over me that I had skipped the supposed due date for my period, the ideation dawned on me, which was answered in the only way possible - a pregnancy test. Managing to get my friend to purchase one for me as I was bedridden for days on end, proving my physical inability to do simple household tasks myself due to the morning sickness that I had developed, I avoided telling Damon about my speculations, merely because I didn’t want to get his hopes up. The talk of bearing another child had been levitating in the empyrean of our conversations for a short while, mainly beginning as simple jokes, which would then mature into the statement ‘Imagine raising a child…’, though no conversations had ever progressed into concluding such dreams of doing so.

“Hiya love,” Damon said, instantly turning his head to the door as he set his eyes upon the sight of me strutting into the living room, managing to walk around without the nauseating feeling erupting in my throat for the first time in hours. He thought that I was asleep, the only times the sounds of my shuffling around audible was when I had headed to the bathroom - the place in which I had found out the newfound news that had been growing inside my lower stomach. He stood up slowly, reaching my side as he provided assistance to make my way over to sit on the sofa, beside where he was sitting, engulfed in whatever was shown on the television. Once we sat down, and he was fully sure that I was comfortable, he sat down beside me, where he had previously sat before I entered the living space. Admiring his features, I noticed that he looked tired, exhausted even; he was working extremely long, tiring hours at the studio as the release date for his upcoming solo album - tonight being his only free evening. My heart panged in my chest for the short period that my eyes laid on him, exhaling slightly as I realised that returning home to his partner being in such a temperamental state perpetually, would affect him more than he would care to admit, at all; he would be adamant that I hadn’t been making him feel worse, though by the look of his drained features, I might just have. “You alright?”

Nodding my head, I directed my vision to stare at the random episode of some antique show that had been displayed on the television. “Why on earth are you watching this?” I laughed, grabbing the remote to switch channels to something more interesting.

“There’s nothing to watch!” he groaned, though it sounded more like a chuckle laced with slight annoyance towards how bland the channels had been today. Deciding upon leaving the television on the news, not caring excessively over what was playing, I turned my head to fixate my stare on Damon, our gazes meeting. His piercing blue eyes burned straight through mine as if to telepathically question upon why I hadn’t simply called him over to our bedroom, the fatigue embraced on my features almost foreshadowing the thought that from my projected abnormalities, another thing had been plaguing my mind; something else was going on.

Stretching my arms out in the air, I filled the silence that had collapsed between the pair of us, the only sounds audible echoing out from the television speakers. “I think I know why I’ve been feeling so sickly.” I mumbled, my body relishing in the sensation of my limbs, once aching in outright pain from being stuck in one position under my duvet for many hours on end, finally fulfilling its use in movement.

“Because of your fever?” he replied, a small laugh escaping his throat at what had seemed to be such an obvious answer to the question that had been floating in the atmosphere of our minds. For all Damon knew right now, was that I was poorly with what could only be concluded as a monstrosity of a fever, and was being far too dramatic at the thought that I was going to die constantly from the overwhelming waves of heat that had kept flushing over my skin.

As I shook my head slightly, a miniscule grin casted on my lips as I set my mind on speculating his reaction to me mentioning the ultimating news that I had come across simply a couple of minutes ago. “It’s not that…” I trailed off, my voice shrinking in volume as I allowed my right hand to rest on my lower stomach, patting it lightly, giving the notion that it had something to do with my stomach. My eyes stayed focused on Damon’s expression as I watched his eyes squint together for a short while, confusion outcased across his features, my smile widening at how oblivious he was being.

The beam that perched on my lips simply grew Damon’s puzzled state even more, until realisation washed over him, to which his eyes widened, his head merely cocking to the side as he wondered whether it was appropriate to ask or not. “You’re not…”

Water began to softly brim my eyelids as my smile enlarged, exposing my teeth as I managed to lift my body and straddle Damon’s lap, taking ahold of one of his hands, so soft to the touch, lifting my shirt up slightly as I placed his hand on my lower stomach - the place in which our future child was inhabited. Disbelief poured over his expression; he was left speechless as he awaited such confirmation toward his suspicions. Placing my lips gently onto his, I held our bodies in a warm, slow, passionate kiss, goosebumps coming alive on my forearms as I allowed the salty liquid to escape from my eyes as they were closed shut. “I’m pregnant.” I said, detaching my lips away from his as I marvelled at his face lighting up with joy, his arms embracing me in another hug. Upon finding out that the option was attained, I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. There was a life growing inside my belly, a life that had been formed from such passion and affection shared between the person that I had loved most, somebody that had provided me the knowledge that you can never stop loving somebody, and the love that you have for them, grows every single day.

Both his hands began tucking fallen strands of my hair behind both my ears, eventually holding my face in his hands as I melted into his touch, his thumbs softly swiping against my now tear-stained cheeks as he brought my forehead forward to brush against his. “You are going to be the best mother in the world.” he stated, his lips connecting with mine once again.

[aboardthehavocmarauder]

Beautiful Mischief [Pt. 3]

Bad Batch x Reader • Angst/Fluff/NSFW (yknow the whole deal) • Mechanic [hidden Jedi] ! Reader • Female reader

Fall on your knees, sweet girl

Sweet girl...

——

“SHES A FUCKING JEDI”

“And how the fuck would you know that?”

“HER PETITE FUCKING ASS CANT TAKE DOWN A TREE IN A SINGLE PUNCH”

“You think she used the force?”

“She did! Don’t believe me?! Wait till the next incident”

Y/N frowns outside the cockpit hearing Cross talk about what he saw with Hunter and Tech. She straightens up when Echo came into the common area seeing the angered look on her face. He didn’t say a word. They stood in the silence and Y/N felt overwhelmed all of a sudden causing her to leave the room, before he could reach—-

“Don’t touch her Echo. We don’t know what she’s capable of” Tech states witnessing what just happened as Echo gave him a worried look.

——

“You’re taking on a Padawan? You know what Anakin turned out to be. You think you’ll produce a normal one?”

“They are Anakin’s age now. Not a child. I believe I can train them to be the best”

“A little late to find a force sensitive being”

“I didn’t find her, she found me”

“I trust you Obi Wan. But—“

Don’t be surprised by the hardships

——

Wrecker finds himself in the storage compartment looking for extra ration bars in their food supply when he saw Y/N sitting on the ground propped up against her crate staring at the ceiling.

“Hey?” He tilts his head confused seeing the redness in her eyes and swollen cheeks. “Hey Y/N...what’s wrong?” He decided to sit with her waiting for her to respond and if she didn’t, he would’ve stayed as a comfort.

“I’m a monster Wrecker”

“What? I don’t think so”

“Crosshair does, he’s telling everybody what he saw in the forest. Just another monster in this galaxy full of darkness”

“Okay now that’s a lot of talk. I’m going to need context”

“He didn’t tell you? None of your brothers did?”

“Honestly I ignore what most of them say” Wrecker laughs as he handed her a ration bar seeing her take the offer.

“I worked on your ship for a year before you decided to add me on this journey with you all. Then it’s been six months and as much as you’re all close with one another...I don’t think I’ll ever been looked at normally ever again”

“Y/N...from the time with the scar thing. Scars are scars. It was stupid of us to push you to tell us what happened. As for this recent thing. Speaking for myself, I don’t care what you are. You’re Y/N. A badass mechanic that knows a lot more than we expected. And if shit changes. Who gives a fuck? Imma still like you for you. Besides. Half of my face is a scar and I don’t give a fuck” Wrecker smiles hearing her laugh a little, feeling better.

——

“Two lightsabers? Ha! This will work nicely for you young apprentice”

Y/N stares with grey covered eyes standing still like a solider as the dathomirian receives the kyber crystals for the hilts before handing the new and improved sabers to his mindless slave.

“You’ll receive a new look. Keep you hidden away from the so called Jedi you used to call your family. Little do they know your parents died and adoptive sister left. Or you left her. I’ve always wondered why you did so”

“I wanted to become a Jedi, Odious...” Y/N says groggily before freeing when he started to force choke her. “I’m sorry sir...”

“Mmm. Are you truly, sweet girl?” He smirks pushing her against the wall and keeping her there like a wall ornament. “We don’t want you to remember to good old days...we need information and you will kill for it if it deems necessary” Odious laughs squeezing his hold hearing her choke. “You will kill if they won’t expose their secrets. We will take down the Jedi council”

Soon Y/N dropped on her side feeling the cold ground turn into a cold surrounding. Feeling like death was crawling in but she quickly stood to their feet seeing Odious’s accomplices approach her to start the appearance change.

No one said it was pain-free

——

Returning to Coruscant, Y/N thought she was being dropped off but Hunter assured her it was for Echo to receive some simplicity with his brothers in blue.

Even the clones need to go back to their home.

“You coming?”

“No”

“But come on. The mess hall will have more of those ration bars you like” Wrecker adds as Y/N stayed glued to her seat feeling a weight grow in her chest when she sensed him. “Y/N?”

“I can’t Wrecker...I know we’ll be here for three days but I’m safe here”

“Well you know where we’ll be” He smiles being the last stepping off the ramp as it closed behind him.

But it didn’t take until nightfall for Y/N to step out and take a look at something that over came their thoughts.

——

“You’ll be staying”

“No Obi-Wan”

“Y/N you’ve come so far. Why give up training now?”

“Your master was a grey-Jedi because he didn’t believe in the rules the council had held accountable on us all. I can’t live in a cult that doesn’t want me to seek out for more in my life”

“But you can—“

“I’m not becoming a whore of the Jedi council all because I can fuck every man that steps into the facility. I want to fall in love. I want to be free. Free from my personal burdens. Reunite with my sister. Go home. I won’t be corrupted Obi Wan. You can keep your tabs on me if you like. But I cannot be here”

“Y/N. Please”

“Take a look behind you Obi Wan, and what do you see?”

Obi Wan turns around to look at the city of Coruscant erupt in colors and volumes of plenty. He was about to say something but when he turned around.

She was gone

——

And now she’s returned

Y/N stepped into the quarters she stayed in during her time there. The nostalgia started to hit when the familiar feeling returned.

“Leave”

“Y/N—“

“Leave me alone” She frowns clenching her fists. “You shouldn’t have come out of whatever corner you were in”

“Y/N it took courage for you to come back inside this place. Please just let me spe—“

Obi Wan suddenly hit the wall outside of her room as she stepped out quickly leaving.

“General I heard—“ Cody stopped talking seeing Y/N and his General on the floor, triggering him to take out his weapon. “You stay right there”

“Don’t hurt him Y/N”

“I’m not a monster like you Kenobi” Y/N frowns lifting her hands and before Cody could even do anything, she booked it in the other direction.

“What the—“ Cody started chasing after her as Obi Wan quickly gets on his feet following in suit after the two.

Having no obstacle in the way made it easy, until Cody called in reinforcements from Rex and a few more from the 501st.

“This—“

“It’s Y/N. Why would Cody—“

“Cody explain?!”

“Cody stand down for maker’s sake” Obi Wan states. “You can’t just—“

“They—“

“NO” He snaps as the distress in his voice made Cody finally stop thinks but the actions still confused his brothers. “Now leave. All of you. Except Y/N”

As the sun sets on today

We’ll never know about tomorrow

——

“General Kenobi. New information has come up”

“What about this time Cody?”

“About fugitive x. You said to dig up anything on them and we got something”

Obi Wan turns to Cody seeing the information on the datapad and taking it, leaving to process this all.

Fugitive X

Name: Y/F/N Y/L/N

Found in the streets of the black market wielding duel lightsabers. Nothing life threatening. But they were found with a kyber crystal that was floating around in the market.

“This...isn’t giving me anything...” Cody frowns flipping through the pictures and finding the video from one of the street cameras of them taking out a knife and suddenly—-

Fuck

——

“Why didn’t you come back once you escaped?”

“Why would I?”

“What do you mean...”

“Just because you had spies in my life to keep tabs on me. Doesn’t mean they saw everything. You......” Y/N stops talking as she brings her knees to her chest staring out in the scenery as Obi Wan sheds his robe to be comfortable around her just enough. “You...you lost your master. Imagine that pain, but with your humanity, sanity...”

“Y/N, what happened?”

“A lot...”

A lot that nobody knows

Until now

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[bored-mumma]

Sebastian Stan - Fluff Alphabet

MASTERLIST

Bucky Barnes version

A = Attractive. What do they find attractive about the other?

He loves your passion. How even little things in life can get you excited and happy. He also loves your strong will. You two being in the lime light takes a strong personality and you match that perfectly.

B = Baby. Do they want a family? Why/Why not?

He really wants kids. He likes to imagine Sunday mornings, your children waking you up and you all making breakfast before spending the day playing games and just being a close family. Nothing makes him happier than thinking of his future family.

C = Cuddle. How do they cuddle?

No matter how warm the nights get, Sebastian likes to be snuggled entirely under the blankets. Usually one of you will be spooning the other but if its too hot then just either your legs or arms are slightly tangled.

D = Dates. What are dates with them like?

Sebastian doesn’t do ‘little’ dates. He sweeps you off your feet every single time. You’ll come home from work expecting a normal evening at home to find some new fancy clothes and jewellery lying down on your bed, along with a note telling you what time to be ready by. Bang on time, Sebastian knocks on the door (you live together but why not be romantic and come pick you up like he used too) with a bouquet of your favourite flowers. Before driving to a beautiful restaurant, champagne sitting there waiting. All evening he would throw compliments at you, repeating his love. If you felt like it, you two would go for a walk along the sea front or just drive randomly and talk away.

E = Everything. You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)

You are my light.

F = Feelings. When did they know they were falling in love?

He couldn’t really give a proper time when he knew he was falling for you. It just kind of happened! He knew he missed you when you were gone, even if you spent all day together. He knew he dreamt of waking up to your face everyday and he knew his heart skipped a beat every time you kissed him. One day he just realised ‘holy shit, i love you’.

H = Holding Hands. How do they like to hold hands?

I = Impression. First impression/s?

You two got along very well. Your personalities just clicked and the two of you became friends fast. It took a few months, but that friendship soon turned into love.

J- Joker. Are they into pulling pranks?

He loves them, a lot more than you did. Barely a day went by that Sebastian didn’t play some sort of joke on you. Usually you find it funny and playful but other days you want to slap his pretty face.

K = Kiss. How do they kiss?

Most of the time Sebastian will hold your chin with his finger and thumb, tilt your head up and kiss you deeply. Although sometimes he’ll be a little more rough and grab your waist, pulling you towards him.

L = Love. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

You do. After a particularly breath taking date and nearly six months together, you finally felt as though you were ready to say those words. When you uttered those words, Sebastian grinned at you before saying it back.

M = Memory. What’s their favourite memory together?

You two were walking home from a lovely date night a restaurant. You both had a few drinks so couldn’t drive and you were struggling to catch a taxi so decided to take a longer walk across the parks. It was a stunning night and half way home, he placed his jacket on the ground and the two of you lied down, watching the stars and resting your feet. Feeling merry anyway from the drinks flowing through you, you lied there for nearly an hour, just joking together and sharing kisses.  Going from the last letter, this was the moment you looked up at each other and said I love you for the first time. 

N = Nickel. Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?

You are so, so spoilt. Literally anything your eyes land on, Sebastian will buy it for you. Even stuff you had never seen or even heard of, if he thinks you’ll like it, he’ll buy it, Date night? He’s got you some new clothes and jewellery for it. Anniversary? You cant see the floor in your home from all the gifts. And birthdays are just insane with the amount of stuff he gets you.

O = Orange. What colour reminds them of their other half?

Sky Blue. A lovely calm, stunning colour that reminds him of summer days. Days he loved to spend with you. He would often buy you some sky blue jewellery, making a matching dress too. 

P = Petnames. What petnames do they use?

You two are cringe as hell and like to think of the most sickening names for each other as possible. Bunny, sugar-plum, precious. Just as cringy as possible to make each other laugh.

Q = Quaint. What is their favourite non-modern thing?

Sebastian's a simple man and loves the simple things. One of those things is a gentle bike ride. On a hot day with the cold breeze cooling him, he loved to just bike through the country and forget about life's trouble for a while.

R = Rainy Day

A busy man leads a busy life. Rain or shine, his days barely change. Although on the rare days you both have a day together with nothing to do and its pouring it down outside, he was known to drag you out in it. Whether to just dance in the back garden or to go for a quick run, Sebastian loved to just be out in the rain for a while with you. It felt like a reset for you both and it was those moments you treasured the most.

S = Sad. How do they cheer themselves/others up?

As most people know, Sebastian talks to his therapist often. You try not to pry too much, knowing if he wants to share his feelings with you, he will. But you can always tell when he’s feeling a bit down. It’s usually cured with a cup of tea, cuddles and you dragging your nails gently across his skin to make him feel relaxed. Sometimes he’ll talk to you about what’s bothering him, other times he just wants to feel your touch.

T = Talking. What do they like to talk about?

You two are low key conspiracy theorists. You will often find you both having deep conversations about a theory you saw online or about a new documentary. Whether it was something like aliens exist all the way to the queen is a lizard, you two would have debated on it. 

U = Unencumbered. What helps them relax?

As said above, he loves to feel your nails dragging across his skin. He felt most relaxed when lying in bed on his stomach, you lying beside him and dragging your nails along his spine. He would get Goosebumps from it and always felt like he could fall asleep right there and then.

V = Vaunt. What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?

You and your career! Sebastian was your number one fan and would brag about your acting success every chance he could. Even if he’s doing an interview about his own movie, he’ll still slip in there how proud he is of your new project. He couldn’t help it.

W = Wedding. When, how, where do they propose?

It was your two year anniversary and you two decided to take a week off of work. Nothing special planned, just a week to relax and actually get to enjoy one another's company. Sebastian watched you with admiration as you cooked dinner, watching the way you sung along to the radio and how you refused to let him help, insisting on spoiling him. As you stood at the stove, Sebastian walked to the bedroom and grabbed a little box from his bedside drawers. Going back to the kitchen, he stood behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, head resting on your shoulder.

“This wasn’t how i planned it,” He said, letting go of your slightly to open the box and show a beautiful ring. “But i couldn't wait any longer. Will you marry me?”

X = Xylophone. What’s their song?

wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton

Y = You. You are the ___ to my ___ (e.g. the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

You are the honey to my bee.

Z = Zebra. If they wanted a pet, what would they get?

Sebastian has always wanted a dog! You two ended up adopting a puppy together.