#he needs therapy lmaooo

[ghouljams]

Cowboy!Ghost gets so much shit from Soap and Gaz because every time he hears you singing murder ballads it makes him hard. He snaps and growls at them to shut the fuck up, but it doesn't help that whenever you walk by singing about killing your husband or a friend's boyfriend he goes a little dumb. It's just- Y'know he doesn't have a death wish, but maybe...

It's the way you could absolutely kill him, and you're telling him how you'd do it with the sweetest smile in your song. He's not proud that it turns him on, but those are the days that he tugs you into the hayloft, behind trees, into the cab of the farm truck, for a quickie. Not that he could ever tell you that's why he's doing it, you might take it the wrong way. He doesn't want you to hurt him, it's not a masochism thing, no it's the guarantee that if he ever hurt you, you wouldn't hesitate to defend yourself.

And maybe a little bit it is the way you hold a gun while singing "Ouachita river." Lord he'd thank you if you shot him.

[nothingbizzare]

Little baby boy needs therapy

[yvningshowers]

There is something so special about Bakugou being this... like the epitome of aggression, of violence and raw power and rage on the battlefield, and then- and then he takes the costume off and he's... just Katsuki. Just a man trying to be a good person. And they're the same person but Dynamight is more a persona, more a healthy outlet for all of that rage he has built up, so when he takes the mask off it's just him. The way he is on the battlefield he knows- even though he would like to- that he can't be that way in his day to day. And he strives not to. He'll clench a fist and grit his teeth and take a deep breath and make the effort to not hurt anyone anymore. Idk it's just so special to me like I hate to Kirishima it LMAO but it's masculinity done right in my opinion

[lowkeyrobin]

Trevor Spengler x reader where reader has a job being a singer in an oldies style restaurant? Where they sing and play guitar on the stage while the customers eat?

And they make mashups of more modern songs (mainly rock and pop) in their spare time? Like a music prodigy of sorts

Or Generally cover-artist reader x Trevor Spengler?

this is me in every desired reality/self insert fixation I have LMAOOO I got you ; thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy !! ; post writing robin here, sorry this is so short I had no idea what I was doing

TREVOR SPENGLER ; cover artist

summary ; Trevor develops a crush on the kid who covers songs in the local diner

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; gotta admit I was listening to bailey zimmerman so I apologize if this is has a very country-angst vibe. I see the color orange and go back to Leave The Light On idfk I apologize. i had to restrict myself. I'm not too caught up in popular modern music so bare with me 🙏 ; okay post me here, only the first part is but this whole thing kinda sucks so I'm sorry

word count ; 808

masterlist

You sit at your wooden barstool, strumming the strings of your guitar as you try and retune it.

Working in an oldies style restaurant wasn't the most fun nor best paying job, but you needed the money, and you needed something to do with your talent and time. You had enough hardships to overcome in life and enough passion to sing up on a stage how you did, even for patrons at a cheap restaurant. You found fun and therapy in your music, so it didn't make it that bad to sit on that barstool all evening after school.

You strum the strings again, finding the right sound for your instrument as you clear your throat. You typically ignore when people watch or look at you, imagining you were the only one in the room. This time though, as you begin plucking at the strings, you can feel someone looking at you.

You could always feel that feeling, but this time around, it was different.

You ignore it, continuing on with your six hour long show, trying to please the audience that wasn't even paying attention to you. The place was shaped like a bar, with you stuck in the corner on a little stage, just doing your thing. Tonight was more of a calm, well-deserved night for something relaxing. There were only a few booths taken up. There was no need to put up a big show for the two dozen people in the building.

Across the room, a curly haired boy was staring you down, receiving a glare from his little sister. She was no good at social cues or social interaction, but she knew damn well that her brother was being weird. He snaps out of it, shyly looking away from you.

"...bittersweet October, and I'm headed for the Northern pines. Well, this autumn fall feels empty, black and white leaves touch the ground. You're the only color I've got left, and it's slowly fading out"

The boy looks back up at you again, his fingers tapping off the wooden table to the rythym. He can't help but watch your every move, every strum beneath your fingers, every movement your lips and the front of your throat made to create the beautiful sound of the lyrics with your voice. He was encapsulated.

He rests his chin on his hand, perched on the table at an angle. A soft smile rests on his face, eyes heavy like he was ready to fall asleep.

"Trevor, stop staring at them!"

A few weeks later, the same boy sat down at the same booth as before, this time not occumpanied by his family. He ordered some food so as not to look like a creep, but he was more focused on listening to you than enjoying said food.

He'd been here since to see you, always sitting in the same booth. Maybe he saw it as a free concert.

You didn't mind. Maybe he was trying to recognize your face from somewhere, or was developing a hallway, or diner, crush on you, who knew.

As you pause to catch your breath after playing Back To December by Taylor Swift, you see the boy stand up. He's making his way toward you.

At least you had time to chat, as it wasn't rush hour, merely 2pm on a random Saturday.

He awkwardly stands in front of you as you gulp down the liquid in your water bottle and set it back down on the floor. You turn to him with a welcoming smile, assuming he was here to ask a question or give a compliment.

"Uh, hi." He begins, a nervous smile painting his face. "I just, I've been seeing you play here for a while, and like, I think you're super cool"

You smile, resting your arms over your guitar. "Thank you, I appreciate that"

"Uhm," He runs a hand through his curls, clearly nervous yet trying to hide it somehow. "Could I maybe give you my number? If you wanted to hang out sometime? I can play guitar as well"

You lightly chuckle, "Yeah, sure. You got something to write on?" You ask him, seeing him looking around for a pen and paper.

He quickly scrambles towards one of the waitresses, kindly asking if he can use one of the bill papers and pen really quickly. He returns to you, handing you the folded up paper.

"Thank you." You both speak in unison. Both of your faces flush in embarrassment and the flustering of the situation.

"Uhm, I'll see you around?" You speak, strumming the strings of your guitar to make sure it was still tuned out of habit.

He nods, "Yeah, I'll see you around. Oh, my name's Trevor, by the way"

"Y/n" You reply, waving as he walks away, silently cheering himself on.

"Bye, Y/n!"

[pink-valkyrie-writes]

Could you do reinhardt x fem reader relationship head cannons please

omg I love grandpa Reinhardt. He's a gilf fr and I want him LMAOOO.

Reinhardt x fem!reader

-warnings: sfw then nsfw, older man x younger woman, fluff and smut :)

SFW:

-Since Rein is an older guy, he would def have an old school take on getting into a relationship

-Leaving flowers left in at your door, eating together during lunch, writing you little notes to get you through your day, kisses on your knuckles, and dancing in the moonlight/rain (whichever comes first)

-Since my man is 7'4, he's definitely going to be taller and bigger than you. He will always be gentle with you, treating you like a porcelain doll. Hell, even if you were somehow stronger than him, he will still act like you're made of glass.

-Though he is a sweetheart, due to his past I feel he can have moments of grieving. As much as you want to help and try to feel better, sometimes the burden is too much to bear and can push you away.

-Give him time, assuming you're younger than him (gilf is 61), there some things that take longer to heal/ deal with. He doesn't expect you to fully understand, but listening helps so much. Tell him he can rest his lap in your lap and talk it out! He will try his best to explain his crusader past to you.

-More on him being a sweetheart, it's almost sickening how much he cares about you. Opens the doors for you, gets upset if you open them yourself. He will push you back out the door to open them for you himself.

-Even though his shoulder kills him, he will still pick you up and carry you around. On the battlefield, if you happen to be hurt, he will carry you to the nearest medic...but he will still refuse to let you go. Even his has to hold you while swinging his hammer, he will do it.

-He loves to sleep with you on top of him. It's just relaxing for him, like sleeping with a weighted blanket. He'll hold you close to his chest and sleep like a baby.

-He does fear he'll roll over and crush you...but that hasn't happened yet.

-You will have to show him how to work a cell phone. It's an excuse to have you close. But he genuinely needs your help

-If you're a healer, he'll only go to you. For literally anything. Any physical therapy? He'll only ask for you. Sick? he'll visit you every day to get a checkup.

-adding onto that, he knows that being a medic can be stressful. He'll do anything and try to make you relax. Massages, movie nights, and even try and cook for you. He'll place you in his lap and try to relieve you of stress from work.

-If you two ever have to go on separate missions, Rein will be contacting you every day. He'll send emails and call you whenever you're both free to talk. Rein will and can talk for hours so you may not get sleep that night.

-Once you two meet up again from your mission, he'll give you the biggest bone crushing bear hug. He gets so excited to see you that he can't contain himself.

-he hasn't felt this kind of love in years, so he may be clingy in the beginning. At times it can be suffocating. But You two can talk it out and create boundaries,

-The two of you sit together outside of the Watchpoint: Gibraltar, gazing up at the stars. He wanted to have a moment of peace for you two. It was fresh into your relationship with Rein and it was the honeymoon phase. He held your hand as you two talked about anything and everything.

-"Mein engel...I'm happy we were able to find time for ourselves..." Rein said, leaning down to place a kiss on your head. You smiled, feeling a sense of joy, "Me too... I know this is not the most romantic place but...anywhere with you in amazing.." You told him, smiling up at him

-He laughed, "You know such a way with words.." Rein said, his hand now caressing your face. He then pulled you into his lap, holding you close. The two of you sat with each other in a comfortable silence.

NSFW:

-It's pretty obvious. Size difference.

-He loves holding onto your small body as he thrusts into you. It's a huge turn on to watch you underneath him.

-Because my man is huge...There is going to be a small belly bulge. He's a sucker for it. He knows he's huge (not just height) and he's so proud you can take him

-He loves to top, a soft dom. he never gets too rough from the fear of hurting you, but a couple ass smacks never hurt anybody

-Rein doesn't know how he feels about toys. He's old fashioned and thinks he should give you pleasure. I think one you show him a vibrator and it can help during sex, he'll come around

-Sometimes he'll use a vibrator on you. He'll sit you in his lap and press it against your sensitive. And my man is strong, so you won't be getting out of his grip any time soon. Also use one on him, he'll go crazy

-FULL NELSON! FULL NELSON! IDC IDC IDC.

-he'll show his strength by folding your legs back behind your head, his hands holding the backs of your knees and thrust into you.

-Since he is older, sometimes he can get achy bones. Just ride him and make him feel better <3 He also loves seeing you ride him. He'll run his hands up your chest and hold your breast as you bounce on him <3

-Loves getting blowjobs from you. He loves standing up and looking down at you. He'll rest a hand on your head and praise you.

-He is big down there so taking his dick will take some practice. Just take your time, Rein is a very patient man with you...and he knows his size is big so he'll help you practice deepthroating <3

-He can get insecure about his age. You're so much younger and he feels you deserve better. Worship his body, praise him, and tell him how much you love him

-Standing sex <3 that's all I have to say

-He loves to eat pussy. Idc he loves to give you pleasure. He will feel bad about his beard rubbing against your thighs and giving you a brush burn :(

-He loves when you show him new things and learning with you is a huge turn on. He always tells you that you can teach an old dog new tricks <3

[angelsberrymilk]

Alpha!Dean who's sooooo convinced he's going to fuck a pretty Omega when she tells him to stay the night at her place to thank him for getting rid of a vengeful spirit.

like obvs he follows her and gets surprised, like shocked that he only gets a kiss and she tells him that she wants to try something with him.

and he's like "uhhhh, okay." raised brow and all and a little bit suspicious.

and she proceeds to tell him abt how she read in a book that Omegas hundred of years back used to let Alphas sleep in their nest when they were back from war, quest or trip to provide comfort, it could be like platonic or romantic. it was like a way to tell the Alphas that they were home and safe. like some sort of Aroma Therapy.

and Dean doesn't know whether she's joking or not and gives her a look close to puppy eyes like "wait, so no pussy? 🥺" lmaooo

and she doesn't say anything and promises him that he smells like he needs it. he reeks of discomfort, of the leather from his car seat, sweat, dirt, blood you name it. and she's convinced that it's the best way to thank him cuz he needs it. like bad.

she makes him shower before he even thinks of sitting on her bed with his outside/demon hunting clothes. and then omd, he gets in her bed and she like tucks him in and he's so weirded out but he kinda likes it, and the Omega's pretty so he's not gonna complain like a fucking moron.

And she stays next to him, tells him a little about herself and their town, abt the different posters hung in her room and some bands she listens to, and when she notices he's getting more and more comfortable in her soft fluffy blankets, she gives him a forehead kiss and turns off the lights and leaves to sleep over at her friends house.

and Oh. My. God.

when I tell you Dean slept like a fucking baby, he passed the fuck out when he realised she was being serious abt him sleeping in her bed for the night. he slept so good he didn't even dream, he slept so good he didn't wake up at night, not even once, he passed right the fuck out in her bed, high off Omega scent. and she smelled good. like really good.

when he finally came to in the morning, it took him a while to fully wake up, and he noticed that he drooled a bit in his sleep and wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. he was warm, comfortable, in a heaven of fluffy blankets, sweet Omega scent, and plushies apparently. His hair was actually sticking out even tho it was short and spiky and he had marks on one side of his face from the pillow.

and most importantly he felt really good. like really really good. it was probably the best night of sleep he's ever had these past few years.

when he finally makes his way downstairs, he finds Sam and the Omega at the table, clearly waiting for him to wake up to have breakfast together. and Sam's brow just raises a little bit and notices his brother's slow movements, slow steps, like he's been floating away in clouds make out of cotton candy. or like he's being fucked so good he's still woozy from it. who knows.

[astroninaaa]

Can I just.... cellbit suing these people on Twitter feels weird to me. Like they were just believing a potential victim and cellbit didn't exactly refute anything she said previously.

Like I fully believe cellbit and feel bad for him, but suing Twitter users that didn't know that sasa was lying is just odd to me. He should just sue sasa no?

okay yes yes yes yes this is a veeeery good point!!!! thats what i was saying in one of my previous posts - imo the BEST defense these people have is they were just trying to believe a victim, he never denied the claims, in some ways he even agreed with them! he admitted to making mistakes, said he got therapy and changed for the better! and he said all that regarding the accusations, so, like. it was easy to draw the implication that he was owning up to it.

the thing is that there was never any proof, never any investigation, never any judicial action taken against him, never even an official accusation, nothing. it was all sasa's words against his silence. and while yes people were just believing a potential victim, there are limits to things. i believed her for years. i didn't, however, harrass him online because of it. i think the only good way of understanding WHY he's suing specific people is to actually see the tweets, so i'll put some under the cut and talk about them:

[TWs: mentions of pedophilia, abuse, racism, sexual assault, domestic violence, suicide]

this says "here cellbit, a fan for you to abuse just like you did with sasa."

erm. erm. erm. i don't think i even NEED to say anything like what the FUCK is this about.

"Cellbit morally harrassed his ex, made nazi and pedo jokes in old minecraft videos and on twitter, now he changed and everyone likes him because he measures his words, why doesn't Forever get the same treatment? It's selective, admit it"

now, analogies to nazism and pedophilia are both crimes in brazil. this person is accusing him of both without even indicating any proof whatsoever? those are both very serious crimes with very serious punishments.

(i don't speak spanish bear with me. pls feel free to correct me if i translate it wrong)

"the hispanic QSMP community should ask itself if it's right to follow and support someone like cellbit, someone who abused his ex girlfriend, who is a racist and a pedophile, never apologized, and his fans say that his ex girlfriend doesnt want to keep talking about the topic but the truth is that she doesn't for people to keep associating her with something like cellbit, not that she wants people to forget what he did or to act like it never happened. being friends with roier doesn't mean he's a good person."

all the racism and pedophilia claims come mainly from a joke made over 10 years ago. again, he never got convicted of or investigated for anything. this is both difamação AND calúnia tbh

"people are calling him [forever] a pedo because he made a nasty joke lmaooo cellbit would beat the fucking shit out of his girlfriend and it doesnt matter, everything's okay lmaoooo i cant believe this"

there are actually quite a few tweets about cellbit supposedly beating his girlfriend up but sasa never claimed that he did that. she accused him of psychological abuse, not physical. so saying they were just "believing the victim" doesn't work with this accusation specifically, because they literally made it up and it doesn't match with any of her claims, specially back at the time when she hadn't accused him of sexual assault yet.

so interesting to see people literally admitting theyre accusing him of abuse without knowing the details

"people juggle like crazy to ignore the fact cellbit hit sasa, now understanding what Authentic said is impossible"

again, she never claimed he hit her. authentic is another minecraft youtuber who got canceled for saying homophobic stuff.

"is cellbit the one who abused sasa? i'm hoping he kills himself"

yeahhhhhhh there's over 200 of these.

the reason he's suing all these people isn't simply because they believed sasa - it's because they harrassed him. harrassed him, actively tried to harm his image, brought him up when he wasn't even a topic (like to defend forever or authentic) just to say he commited crimes without any proof that he actually committed. so while i think people will be able to say they were just believing the victim, the truth is that he has a lot of support to his claims of being accused of shit without proof. he even added documents to his action that prove he's never been investigated or sued for ANYTHING.

finally, regarding him suing sasa: i bet he will. i'm like, 100% he's already suing her. it's probably under judicial secrecy for now, and we might never get access to it, but,,,,, yeah. he's definitely suing her as well, i think he's just also taking action against people who harrass him online after seven years of taking it silently.

that's the overall i hope it made sense and wasn't too long asjkdbkajsbd still open to answer any other questions :)

[seoafin]

do you think you might add something to the exposure therapy collection? It’s always been my favorite and I re-read it a lot 😭😭😭 I think it’s just so cool how toji could be a potential father figure or cool uncle to reader LMAOO. I also think it’s hilarious that gojo and geto still think reader has a boyfriend LOLOL.

If reader needs to fake that she had a boyfriend because she can’t admit that she was lying I think Marie could hook her up with a fake-boyfriend from the host club next door or her son or smth like that 💀 any crumbs I can get of exposure therapy I EAT UP. I really would like to know anything and everything you have to say abt papaguro bc he has so much potential to just… be a dad to read ykwim. Genuinely I just need funny ass scenarios where Toji entrusts reader to go to parent teacher conferences with megumi or tsumiki bc idk

ANYWAYS keep it up morgan!!!! I love ur writing !!!

i do!!!!! i have a special place in my heart for the exposure therapy series and i would love to add to it. maybe i'll take a small breather from ddao to write a little something...

LMAOOO instead of a family figure i would say toji is more of a raccoon you see scrounging for food in a trash can that you immediately feel bad for because it falls into said trash can and becomes stuck (you save it and it bites you and then you have to go to the hospital to get checked for rabies) anyway. don't mind if i steal your idea because why didn't i think about that first!!!!! toji is like yeah there's a curse at megumi and tsumiki's elementary school that you need to exorcise and you go and the curse is megumi's homeroom teacher who has trying to get toji to come to the school to talk about megumi beating up all the other kids 💀

[bi-bats]

timkon exes to lovers? 👀👀

(also, hi!!! how’s it going?)

Hello!!!!! Yes I am SO stoked about that one honestly because I have literally like. 17k words of it or something cause it's one of my older fics! Here's a snippet:

“Hey,” Kon said, and the room was too heavy, too thick for him to be sarcastic the way Tim knew he wanted to be.  “Hey.” It was barely a whisper out of Tim’s throat, and for a moment he wanted to lean forward and wrap his arms around Kon.  Then he remembered to be angry. It had been so long since he’d been in his room that he barely remembered how he’d left it, but he knew somewhere in his head that it shouldn’t have been so clean. Everything was tidy except for his bed, which wasn’t made, and that wasn’t quite right. He knew he’d made it before leaving, the last time. He wanted to smell his sheets to be certain, but he was pretty sure Kon had slept in his bed.  No, Tim. Bad Tim. Creepy Tim.  There was an easier way to find out, anyways.  “Did you sleep in my bed?” he asked, and he hadn’t quite remembered to leak the anger into his voice. It came out soft, too soft, the way being around Kon always made him.  Kon’s face flushed, but he didn’t drop his gaze. “Didn’t seem like you were going to be using it,” he mumbled, shrugging, and that was the spark Tim needed to remember he was mad.  “Well, I wasn’t, to be honest.” His voice finally found that icy tone he knew Kon would recognize, saw the moment his posture stiffened as he recognized exactly which Tim he was talking to.  “I was just planning on stopping in here to breathe for a moment, because that party is starting to get a little too drunk for my liking, so imagine my surprise when-” “Why didn’t you leave?” Kon interrupted him, his gaze burning into him.

jadkjfak I LOVE that fic so much 💚 would love to finish it one day lmaooo

send me an ask about one of my WIPs!

I'm going to answer how I am under a read more because that is sort of a complicated answer, and I'll be talking about health stuff so consider that my health CW/TW for it

Hi!!! Thanks for asking!! I have been wanting to give a little update on how I'm doing because the answer is... not great, honestly.

I got put on medical leave for two months and got diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in my spine (which is something that doctors keep telling me I'm very young to have), and I'm doing 6 weeks of physical therapy for that. Honestly, I've had chronic back pain for 8 years, and I really haven't had time to process that information with all the rest of the stuff I have going on. I'm waiting for an MRI to see what's causing the degeneration.

I've also been having heart palpitations and lightheadedness and chest pain that were mostly addressed when we figured out that I have anemia (not the traditional kind, though, and it seems to be being caused by something else). That said, I wore a heart monitor for a week before addressing the anemia, and the results on that were very reassuring, so my heart looks okay. I've still been having some symptoms, but much less.

However, I've also been having really horrible GI issues that I'm waiting for a bunch of tests to see if I need any procedures or surgeries done to fix, or if it's a problem that can be solved more easily. I have severe nausea, acid reflux, problems actually digesting food, and I've lost like... 12-13 pounds in the last month I think? I get hungry and then I eat and then food makes me feel awful, but if I don't eat, I also feel awful. My body is flat out refusing to digest certain foods and I do not know why. There are other symptoms that I just don't want to share. It's been really frustrating. I feel horrible all the time. I wasn't staying at home for almost a month because I just didn't feel safe staying by myself. I actually answered some of these asks tonight while sitting on the bathroom floor because I wasn't sure that I wasn't going to throw up (I didn't though! yay!).

But basically, just about all of my energy is going into figuring out what's wrong with me right now. And when it isn't going into that, it's going into spending time with my friends and loved ones in an attempt to get through some of the pain/stress.

So yeah, things are rough. It's why I haven't been super active on here or ao3 this year. I am having a really difficult time focusing on writing, and that sucks, because I love writing. It's my #1 outlet and like. I fully can't focus on it.

Anyways. I don't really know where to end this, but that's what's going on with me. I might post a little update later on next week if I get any answers. I have a CT scan and an upper gi scan next week to see if they can see anything wrong just from that, and then more tests after that too.

Thanks for asking, though! I appreciate everyone's asks, this was a fun little distraction from all the stuff I just talked about💖

Also want to add for anyone reading this: I have many doctors trying to figure this out right now and they are running every test we can all think of. Please, please do not tell me what thing you think may be causing this in a reply or a tag, because it'll send me down a medical anxiety rabbit hole and then all I'll be doing for the rest of the night is panicking. I know the goal of any kind of comment like that would not be to make me panic, but that is what it would result in. So please, anyone can feel free to reply, but please don't reply with any sort of diagnosis or suggestion of what you think the problem might be. Thank you for understanding 💚

[sourslices]

hc that the titans know/knew dick better than the batfam — and it makes sense, but i dont feel like elaborating on this part. anyway...

it'd be nice to see too, yk... considering dick is the eldest in the batfam and (in at least fan content) he's known to be very caring about family and yadda yadda.

dick was the first. the first child hero/sidekick, the first robin... the leader of the titans. a charismatic leader, a faithful friend. most people idolise him, and even if you get disillusioned after getting to know him personally, there's still a certain amount of admiration and respect that will never go away when it comes to nightwing.

this also works with the yj universe — esp yj because dick's the youngest out of all of them (not too sure abt the titans, but ik he isnt the youngest)

damian's perhaps the closest to dick out of the batfam. most people are aware of the distance between them and him but jason and tim don't realise that they don't know a lot about his brother...

it starts with cass calling him out for pretending to be okay and even trying to adjust his body language to hide his fatigue and his wounds. it goes on with jason commenting about a movie night that dick had wrestled everyone into (the movie had been steph's choice btw) and then either roy or kori respond like this.

jason: *off-handedly commenting abt the movie night and dick*

roy/kori: ???

roy/kori: we saw that movie when it came out. dick hated it and swore not to watch it ever again lmaooo

or maybe it was food. jason talks abt alfred's meals and then kori chuckles and recalls how dick had told her that he wasn't too fond of alfred's cooking. jason had been like "???" because dick always acted like he loved it and then roy goes like no lmaooo dick finds most of alfred's food kinda tasteless. something about british men and not knowing how to put seasoning

when jason confronts dick, dick admits to it

dick: okay yeah true

dick: i didnt rlly like alfie's cooking when i first came here but he got better... gradually. it's better than before but

dick: ...if you ask me, i prefer his baking.

jason: roy said smth about him trying to make one of your ma's recipes

dick: i never asked him again.

dick: (starts thinking about how he had nobody to teach him how to cook like his parents did and becomes SadTM)

and then cass damian and duke all go like "??? im not alone ??" because in reality they all find alfred's cooking a little... subpar. its not bad per say but u have to rmbr alfred is old white british man and there are battles you lose. anyway, cass damian duke and dick all bond over this because they thought it was only them who found the meals prepared a little... yk. alfred still works on getting better but there is nothing that will beat food made by hands who know how it shld taste yk...

(sorry about the alfred slander)

anyway, tim starts to realise despite being dick's little brother, and the only little brother dickie had for a while, there's a lot he still doesnt know abt the guy. which is funny because tim used to essentially stalk him

kori and dick make up after a long discussion about assault and victim blaming and there are a lot of apologies and they resolve their remaining issues (that doesn't mean what happened was okay, or it was forgotten or whatever)

dick actually asks for some space and tells her their friendship will probably never be what it was and kori is sad but is like. okay. they're still friends after a few months of distance and a lot of therapy on dick's side. he didn't blame her for any of it but he still needed... time

roy and dick also sort their shit out. im unclear as to what that shit actually is because roy used to adore dick when they were speedy and robin but whatever they sort it out and there's some homoerotic tension between them im telling u... dick still asks for space el oh el it takes a while to recover from years of distance and they're not the same

but just because they aren't the same doesn't mean everything's different.

the titans are subjected to the changes in dick and they watch him interact with the batfam, meanwhile batfam realises they don't know a lot abt dickie while watching the titans take care of him in several different ways while they, despite being a family of investigators, didnt know smth was up. it's mostly donna who does the "taking care of"

ik i actually didn't mention many of the titans but... yeah

[wikiangela]

"you spent all last year trying to drag me down with you"

"you want to make a mess out of your own life? fine, you're doing a pretty good job of it"

truer words haven't been spoken on this show lmaooo

why is everyone looking at Ryan like he's wrong 😂

I am LIVING for Ryan who's not in love with Marissa omg

don't tell me he's gonna apologize to her now jfc nothing he said wasn't true - maybe she didn't force Lindsay to drink but everything else was spot on (and she is an alcoholic who provided the alcohol and encouraged it anyway sooo)

Marissa and everyone around her always making a victim out of her jfc 😂 I'm getting so sick of it 😂

like I know she has her issues but come on, at this point seeing it over and over again is just annoying - she should really go back to therapy jfc - also, someone pls do something about her drinking - Summer sees it all the time and mentions it but like, tell her mom???? she's gonna hate Summer and Julie will probably get her checked into rehab or smth but at least they'll try to help her??? that girl has problems and needs help and everyone around is just watching her spiral deeper and deeper

don't get me wrong, I like her character, but I'm getting annoyed and also it's mind blowing to me that even her best friend, who knows so well what's happening, isn't concerned

[sierice]

3, 11, 12, 13, 19, 23, 27, 37, 44 for the ask game? SORRY SIERICE I KNOW THIS IS A LOT IM JUST REALLY CURIOUS 😭YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER ALL OF THEM LOL

the longer i sit here the longer this list grows.. ill just have to come back next time (threat)

HI HELLO HIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope this is for that pjoverse ask game thingy bc if not this is gonna be uh. a little bit awkward but whatever here we GO

3. Favorite character

meg..........lester.......... explodes and dies (they are a package deal do not SEPERATE !!)

11. Favorite scene

oughhhh uhhhhhhh there is a lot tbh. im a very impressionable person you make a scene even slightly cool and i'll be like WOAHHHH WOOOOAHHH WOW. anyways i hope top three is fine instead

the scene from tdp where apollo shields meg from chaos and then they both come back out alive bc they both remembered that they need each other. this was only in the second book rick was insane for this

sorry 2 be cringe on main but. the bit in tlt where percy gets claimed. idk that changed my brain forever i loved it. the way it was shown how much of a serious and insane and never seen b4 event so ppl were both in awe and in fear and percy could tell that his life was never going to be the same. chills literal chills

TTT COMMODUS DEATH SCENE !!!!!!!!!!!! HE DIED THE SAME WAY BOTH TIMES BY THE SAME PERSON IM JUST GRAAAAAAHHHHH

LIKE DO YOU SEE THIS. DO YOU SEE THIS. THE FIRST IS FROM TDP THE SECOND IS FROM TTT GOD. F*CK

12. First pjo book you've read?

THO !!!!!!!!! i saw one of my classmates reading it and i was curious so i borrowed it for a bit and i was HOOKED. i WAS super confused who this 'percy' and 'leo' he was talking about so i decided to start from the beginning XD im pretty sure i was caught for reading in the middle of class that day lmao

13. Favorite minor character?

SO SO SO MANY. i collect minor characters like pokemons i adore them with all my heart. favorite is probably felix philip from tkc though. i love him and his penguins and his tendency to demolish bad guys with basketballs and also shoes

19. Favorite Olympian

APOLLO. claps and nobody joins in

23. Opinion on TSATS?

i couldn't even FINISH it i just couldnt. it was that bad like im sorry but i simply could not bring myself to like any bit of it 1/10

27. Scene that makes you cringe the most

oh the TTT reyna rejection scene for sure. and then the bit where he pees himself in TDP and TBM like girlie what 😭😭😭srsly why do subject me to this lester why do pee yourself in every single book without fail

37. 3 hcs about you favorite character

OOOOOOOOH DIFFICULT QUESTION. this one is a definite one though:

2. meg teleportation powers !!!!!!!!! (yes i know its basically canon BUT. it was used like one (1) time and then never again i need to see MORE OF IT NOW)

3. lester meg empathy link is REAL. to me. and also kind of to canon but whatever

4. basically everything in the headcannons channel in the toa discord LMAOOO i read it and then i forever incorporate it into my psyche its like my daily ritual at this point

44. Favorite rareship

apollo x happiness. apollo x therapy. apollo x revolutionizing against zeus. lester x some f*cking good things happening to him for once in his life. why are you dragging me out of the building

[vole-mon-amour]

3x11, part 8. A mix.

Ted is so stressed bc of his mom being there. :')

Beard smiling, and beard being best friends with Ted, and yeah. I love him.

All I can see is a man that is hopelessly in love but is doing his best at hiding it bc he's been through enough in his live, and has a lot of experience, and not a teenager anymore and can't act out on his feelings. He realizes that both of them have their own lives and responsibilities, but god, how much I want them to end up together. Ted is so oblivious.

TRENT <3

TAK. Why this again?

My boys men <3

This REALLY bothers me. I don't understand why they're doing this. In earlier seasons you could see that it's toxic and that Beard was unhappy. In s3 it's kind of "she's toxic & mean to me, but we make it work." Like... that's not okay. Somebody help him to get out of this abusive relationship and start trying to portray it as funny.

Parents. Most of them say that when you bring up therapy. "Let me guess, it's all my fault," they joke but they actually mean it. And if you say that yeah, some of it is your fault, they get very offended and defensive.

Is it though? Is it? Tbh, I think I dislike both, but my memories are more fond of You've got mail.

??????????? say WHAT again????????

Lmaooo. I've been there, mate. Not with football, with my fav musical band, but I absolutely know the feeling. The real stars of the show.

Jade watching Nate watching the match and then punching her boss in the jaw so he fires Nate and Nate goes back to coaching the team? Queen.

They fucking SHOULD. It would feel sooo gratifying.

Give me all the backstage shooting. Give it to me. We deserve.

The way they affected Roy, Roy affected them in return. :D What a show!

Please don't end, my fav show. I'm not ready.

LET'S GOOOOOO.

"And you may win the battle, but you will never win the war." This show is so wholesome. I totally cried. The music choice in every episode... My god. I need season 4.

The way they ended the episode? I don't think it's TedBecca. I think that, unfortunately, Ted wants to leave for Kansas bc of Henry. I don't want that very much, but I'll have to have what they give us.

[gay-dorito-dust]

But that's why it's so fun though. There's definitely the surface level canon story.

It's fun to think, what if? Especially with easter eggs or vague elements showing the tiniest connection to another. Someone had to create that, so maybe they had an idea the viewer would too. If so, then what would the story look like if this connection is canon. Bonus points if it is canon and theres tiny nuggets all over the place. Im looking at you, eldren ring 😘👅. Overall, it expands the story and adds depth, and who doesn't like that. (Trick question: NO ONE)

Lmao YOU KNOW he was waiting!! The pan away shot was so the audience couldn't see the filthy smirk on his face after saying that. Leon is totally a "fun guy" at heart *snaps finger guns*. Definitely loves to crack jokes. It's just given his surroundings and the situation he usually in, it's totally not called for. Especially his type of...humor, which already isn't that funny in a normal environment. Then when he says it, it's a double "Oh hell no." for me, dawg.

AHHHHH lmaooo you like his jokes! You're more whipped me than! 🤣 I'm shriveling up. A chocolate eclair 💀 we gotta build that up! (I can't talk mine is as tough as extra firm tofu)

Fr I totally understand. I'd feel bad especially since he's trying to lighten the environment, plus I know he hates this more than I do. Replace me with Ashley and all I hear are gunshots, goreish noises, and foreign yelling 24/7...👁👄👁 I'm listening to "Leon's jokes on a 10 hour loop" (some of them). I'd have to scrape up the courage to think of jokes and not hyper fixating on my environment and future death or Leon's back 😉.

I'd either beg Leon for a mercy kill or do it myself. I'm not built for that world. Also if Leon actually said that, he'd get 1 good noodle star, cuz that actually made me laugh.🤡

I'm hollering!! I was thinking the same thing but couldn't find the meme!!! Thank you!!🥹

Leon is a frat party and a Bang energy drink (the only option) with a plate of hooters wings away from being the "you're not that guy pal". Maybe the trauma was worth it.

(Again sorry for any grammar mistake. I can't read or write)

I love a game with little nuggets that subtly connect to one another to weave an story beneath the common storyline. It just gives you more insight to…well everything! It’s one of my favourites that the game developers are like ‘we’re gonna give long time players a treat and new time players a fun thing to unravel.’

Ngl, Leon would single-handedly give me brain rot so bad that I start doing crappy, half asses one liners.

It’s a disease and he’s the cause.

It ain’t my fault that Leon is so unbelievably pretty! My kryptonite is pretty boys and unfortunately Leon is on-top of the list for prettiest boys!

All he’d have to do if flash me a smile and I’d be like; 😩 😳😖🥵🤤🫠

The trauma Leon has been through had altered him so much so that his coping mechanisms are to make shitty one liners to EVERYTHING.

He thinks he’s a cool kid at heart, we know that ain’t true. He’s a dorky dork that thinks his humour is the shit.

Me: Leon go to therapy, you’re obviously not okay.

Leon: Therapy is for losers and I am no loser😎

Me: you’ve missed 6 appointments, the jokes got to stop-

In all fairness he probs doesn’t think therapy would work out for him at all and also over works himself to the bone. I remember someone saying that the reasons for Leon being jacked as all hell in re4 is so he doesn’t get taken by surprise anymore.

My baby needs a hug but he’d probably be so on edge and alert that I wouldn’t be able to without triggering his fight or flight responses.

I’d get too distracted by Leon’s ass and have a deep debate within myself whether or not it’s be inappropriate to slap it. Also Leon doesn’t skip leg day. He’s got nice thighs, and arms…and back…nice tits…

Leon probably would drink bang energy in means of staying up at night. How he finds out about bang is anyones guess.

[panelshowsource]

i will work on that and post a set this week :) kiell was very fun!

hmm i can't say i'm sure about sandi — though i'm loving her hair this series and she's beautiful as ever!

i would also love to know anything about miles' new show, if anyone has details about it to share 🥺 it's gotten lots of positive reviews, pretty solidly 4/5 stars everywhere i've seen. but even without a personal panelshowsource follower review i recommend getting a ticket!! and then coming back and telling us about it!!

hello and thank you :) sure, i put that on my drive for you here. enjoy!

he actually is 100% that bitch

i don't have this on drive atm only because it's really so easy to source. both were just posted in tv_bunny a couple of weeks ago, for example 🥲 i recommend heading over there and making a request, and someone will have links for you right away! lmk if you have any issues

does watching it on dailymotion work for you?

hello! yes, you can find ladsladslads over in the standup folder :)

their breakup was certainly intense for them both... i think i recall sara saying around the time-ish that she had expected they would really be together for the long haul, so as things began to disintegrate she was very disoriented. i also recall there being a bit of an ugly period between them — like, publicly — which was unfortunate, but they both seemed to be carrying their own bitternesses and that was surely hard

it's funny — i talked a bit about this a couple months ago, but thinking about them both reminds me so much of the rhlstp with john kearns: he talked about how, in this day of social media, audiences expect comedians to show themselves on stage, to give you that peek behind the curtain and personal anecdotes/opinions/details, and really share who they are with you — and he doesn't like that expectation. he's doing surreal and often absurd comedy, playing a character who's almost nothing like him at all, so the real john doesn't need to bleed through for the show to work. but people like sara and john...they use the stage as a form of therapy; sara uses it as a form of workshopping, communicating, connecting, sharing; i often think john is grasping, sometimes desperately, at the opportunity to be seen and heard. (his new show howl, which has gotten quite good reviews, is about his sobriety, for example!) so even though there were aspects of their breakup experience that were intense and very personal, i really hope that sharing them helped them both :)

hope we'll get to see his new show howl sometime soon, which is about his sobriety!

i have my theories about how john will be on taskmaster... let's just say, i think he'll be quite earnest and try very hard, and i think what alex has said about it being very difficult to do a character on taskmaster/the show showing people's true colours will be very relevant LMAO i can def see john coming on and trying to be cool and collected and just breaking down LMAOOO but agree it will be interesting! and personally i do always love the dynamic between greg or alex and one of their good friends heh

—————

PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[the-cult-of-russo]

Sorry (part 2)

Pairing: Reader/Billy Russo

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness. 

A/N: Wasn’t really planning on doing a part two, yet here we are lmaooo Best part is, this isn’t even the last one lololol

—--------------------

Your head was leaning on the cool glass of the window, the cab rocking a little and lulling you in and out of sleep. You barely got a wink of sleep the night before and you were exhausted. It had been a little over a year since the incident with Billy and a lot had changed. You’d changed. You’d been really messed up after what happened and you hadn't been able to shake it. So you’d decided to pack your shit and move just outside of the city. The idea of possibly running into Billy or someone he knew really didn't sound fun and you really hoped a fresh start would stop you feeling so shitty. But it hadn't really helped at all. So a friend suggested therapy. You'd been reluctant at first but decided to try it. You really couldn't shake the miserable feelings surrounding you and you knew it wouldn't hurt to at least try. And you were glad you had. You'd learnt a lot about yourself. 

Something you and Billy had bonded over at the start of the fling you’d had was to do with the fact you’d both been unwanted by your parents. You’d ended up adopted though by the time you were two, so you didn't have any memories of it really. You were raised by a couple and not in a group home. You knew you were lucky compared to those like Billy who hadn't been wanted by anyone and were raised by the state, which is why it hurt so much when he made the comment about why anyone would love him if his own mother couldn't. But while you were lucky compared to some kids, your home life had been far from perfect. Your adopted parents had hated each other, deciding to adopt to fix their broken marriage. Needless to say, it hadn't worked. You grew up seeing a marriage that was toxic, thinking love was hurt and pain. You remembered hiding in your room as they screamed at each other, hearing things break. They were both as bad as each other and as soon as you turned 16, you’d moved out and barely spoke to them. They’d taken you in but didn't really care. You hadn’t fixed their marriage like they had hoped, so you were useless to them. You were left to fend for yourself for the most part and they’d always tried to rope you into their fights and chose a side. You knew it wasn't great but you thought you’d moved on from it. But your therapist had told you that subconsciously you hadn't. Through seeing this from a young age, you associated love and relationships with pain and anger. It hadn't been a conscious effort on your behalf to avoid relationships because of this. You really didn't think it bothered you anymore, yet a part of your brain somewhere hadn't let go and felt like it was protecting you. You remembered as a teen, seeing your peers having their first relationships. You’d not been interested, not seeing what the fuss was about. Seeing your friends crying over boys who had broken their hearts. And it had only reaffirmed the subconscious thoughts you’d had. And that's how you ended up the way you were. You didn't see the point in relationships because you didn't want pain. It all felt so clear now you knew the truth but before therapy, you really had no idea why you were the way you were. Things made more sense to you now. And while it didn't excuse what you did to Billy, you were glad to have answers that made you see that it happened for a reason and not just because you were a selfish bitch. 

You sighed, seeing the familiar sights of NYC. You hadn't been back here since and it made you feel uneasy. You’d hidden yourself away at your new home, working there as a transcriber and living a wildly different life than what you were used to. You didn't feel the need to see casual sex partners anymore now you knew yourself better, but you hadn’t been bothered to try and find someone to have a potential relationship with either. You didn't have any new friends where you were, and since you worked from home, it wasn't like you had colleagues to talk to. The one person you did speak to however was Karen. Surprisingly, she’d stayed in touch with you after you left. She first reached out a month after you’d left. She was checking how you were. You’d been shocked she bothered at all but you had gotten on really well with her back when you were there. It turned into a routine then. Once a week she would call and check in and sometimes text you randomly. You thought she’d be upset after what happened with Billy, she was friends with him first after all. But she’d told you she knew there were two sides to every story. She’d been the one to suggest therapy to you. And you told her everything. Every detail you uncovered about yourself in those sessions, you ended up telling Karen as you made sense of it and she’d been so supportive of you, you felt like you hadn't deserved it. But you were grateful to her. Because without her, you’d be truly alone and she was a good friend. She’d been so happy that therapy was going well for you, that you were learning about yourself. And she never once made you feel bad about what happened with you and Billy. She’d called you the night before, hence the cab ride here, and you felt dread curl low in your stomach as you remembered the call.

~~~~

“I really don’t think it's a good idea, Karen,” you sighed down the phone. You were curled up on the sofa, the TV muted as you spoke to her. The very idea made you feel panicked.

“Please? I haven't seen you in so long and it's gonna be my birthday. I’d really love for you to be there,” she pleaded down the phone.

“But Billy-” you started protesting, only to be cut off by her.

“I already spoke to Billy, Y/N. He’s fine with it. You're my friend too and I’d really like you to be there,” she said softly. You chewed your lower lip for a moment as you tried to think about it. She’d invited you to her birthday party the next day and it made you nervous. You’d purposely avoided NYC and Billy because you knew how awkward it would be, knew it would hurt you and maybe him. But you also missed Karen and you felt bad you’d missed her last birthday because of this. When you didn't speak, she continued.

“Look… I know a lot happened with you two, but so much time has passed. Really, he doesn't mind. He’s moved on, Y/N. You don't need to worry,” she soothed. It didn't soothe you though. Knowing he’d moved on sent a bitter jolt right through you that you knew you had no right in feeling. He deserved to move on. But now you knew yourself better, you felt the sting hit you hard. Because you’d realized in your therapy sessions that while you had been scared of Billy's feelings and pushed him away, deep down you’d welcomed it, wanted it. Your brain was trying to protect you from the harm it thought a relationship would bring, but your heart yearned for the connection with Billy. He’d made you feel things you’d never felt before. And you’d ruined it all. 

“You’re really sure?” you asked hesitantly. You really didn't like the idea of facing him, no matter how much you'd changed. But you were trying to be a less selfish person. And if Billy had no issue with it since he’d gotten over you, then you didn't really have a reason not to go that wasn't selfish. 

“Positive,” Karen said firmly. You heaved a large sigh, your stomach churning.

“Okay, I’ll be there,” you relented. Karen squealed down the phone and you smiled despite yourself at how happy she seemed. You could do this. You could swallow your pride for your friend who had helped you learn more about yourself than you’d ever done before. 

~~~

The cab pulled to a stop and you tried to push your nerves down as you paid the driver and grabbed your large duffel before getting out of the cab. You stared at the large hotel in front of you with contempt. Karen had rented a space here for her party and you’d booked a room here too at her insistence. She’d asked you to book a week since she rarely saw you and you’d agreed. You wouldn't even know many people at the party. You knew she had her friends, people she knew from the Bulletin and some people from Anvil going. The only people you would know were Frank and Curtis, both of which you didn't know well enough to have a decent conversation with. Frank you knew more than Curtis but since you slighted his best friend, you figured it would be uncomfortable. Karen would be there obviously, and then there was Billy. You felt like a fish out of water as you wondered why you’d agreed to this. You walked into the hotel, body feeling heavy with dread. Once you’d checked in, you’d neatly put your clothes away in the wardrobe before flopping onto the bed. The party was only in a few hours and you really wished you’d stayed home. But you were doing this for Karen. So you decided to lay there and mope on the bed until it was time to get ready. To try and psyche yourself up for attending this thing. When 6pm rolled around, you knew you needed to get ready. Before long, you were showered and ready to go. Hair and make-up done and wearing a black body con dress with matching heels. Karen had told you to dress up so you knew it was going to be a slightly fancy thing. You threw your phone into your purse before you set off downstairs. 

You were riddled with nerves as you walked into the event room. It was decorated with balloons, flowers and fairy lights and packed full of more people than you had expected. It didn't help your nerves any. Your eyes darted around frantically but Karen was nowhere to be found and it made you anxious. Frank wasn't either. You spied Curtis across the room talking to some guys but you didn't dare go over and speak to him. You didn't know him well enough and you doubted he'd wanted to speak to you given the fact he was Billy's friend. You made a beeline for the bar, wanting something strong to quell your nerves. The bartender was busy with a sea of people looking to have a good time and you stood there impatiently as you waited to be served. It felt like every second that ticked by had you more on edge. You wanted to crawl out of your own skin. You'd been hiding away for so long and it had been a while since you had to be around this many people. Strangers. And this wasn't the worst of it. No, that would be when Billy arrived. After what felt like waiting for ten whole minutes, you grabbed your phone from your purse and shot Karen a text to ask when she'd be coming. She sent one back saying sorry for being late, that she and Frank 'lost track of time'. You snorted softly to yourself, too preoccupied to notice the bartender had finally come your way.

"Whisky, same for her," a voice next to you spoke. One that made you tense as it was all too familiar. You glanced to your right to see Billy standing there looking even more handsome than the last time you'd seen him. He was wearing a suit just like all the other guys here but it looked better on him. It always did. 

"Hey," he said smoothly, shooting you a smirk. You swallowed thickly and gave him a sheepish smile.

"Hey," you replied, looking back to the bar as the drinks were placed in front of you and Billy.

"Uh… thanks," you murmured, feeling far too shaken up to offer up something better. You grabbed your drink and downed it in one, causing Billy to chuckle beside you.

"It that bad already? You only just got here," he commented wryly. 

"Something like that," you said softly with a shrug.

"I know you never liked these kinda things. I'm sure Karen will be down real soon," he gave you an easy smile and you envied him. He'd gotten over you and you’d realized you had feelings for him all along. A more selfish part of you, the one you were working on, wished he'd at least have acted as awkward as you were. This ease he had about him made it seem like he'd forgotten about everything between you. But you told yourself it was for the best. Told yourself it's what you wanted.

"How've you been?" He asked amicably. Awful, your mind supplied, not that you'd tell him that. But as you opened your mouth to fumble out an answer, the room erupted in cheers as Karen and Frank walked in. You smiled to yourself as you watched Karen getting hugs and talking to people. She deserved to be happy. She'd helped you so much, she was a good friend. When you glanced back next to you, Billy was gone as if he was never there. You tried to ignore the annoying tug in your stomach. You weren't here for Billy after all. You were here for Karen. Far too overwhelmed in a room full of strangers, you stayed put near the bar and waited for Karen to be done. Once she was, she looked around before her eyes landed on you and she grinned, making a beeline to you. 

"I've missed you!" She beamed, grabbing you into a bone-crushing hug. You smiled as you hugged her back. It was the most physical contact you'd had in a long while and the thought was a little depressing. When she moved away, you grabbed a little box out of your purse and handed it to her.

Her eyes widened as she took the box, turning soft eyes to you.

"You didn't need to get me anything, Y/N," she chided weakly.

"You're kidding, right? After everything you've done for me, I don't feel like this is enough," you smirked wryly. She carefully opened the box, revealing a dainty silver bracelet with a dove charm on it. She covered her mouth with her hand, sniffling a little before she grabbed you in another hug.

"I love you," she murmured. You felt your throat tighten.

"I love you too," you smiled before moving away.

"Help me put it on?" She asked, giving you a hopeful look. You nodded, taking the bracelet and fastening it around her slender wrist.

"I love this. Thank you, Y/N," she grinned. You were glad she liked it so much. 

"Come on," she took your hand, tugging you along behind her as she weaved through people. You felt a stab of panic as you realized she was taking you towards Frank and Curtis. You weren't looking forward to it.

"Look who I found!" Karen sang with a grin. Both men turned to you and you were surprised when Frank smiled, stepping up to give you a quick hug.

"It's been a while," he murmured, moving away and giving you another smile. You really hadn't expected such a warm reception so you were lost for words, nodding and giving him a smile. 

"It's great to see you," Curtis smiled, giving you a hug too.

"Where's Billy?" Karen asked, glancing around with a frown.

"Guess," Frank huffed. He didn't look happy and it piqued your curiosity.

"Please tell me that's a joke?" Karen asked. Her face was thunderous as she stared down her boyfriend. Frank sighed and wiped a hand over his face.

"Nope," he shook his head. 

"I didn't even-" Karen's mouth snapped shut audibly as Billy came over with a big smile. He wasn't alone though. There was a pretty brunette hanging off him and it felt like someone seized your heart in a death grip. He'd moved on. Of course he did. You thought Karen had meant just in general but you should have known someone like Billy wouldn't have a hard time finding someone else. Billy moved to give Karen a hug, murmuring a happy birthday to her. But once he moved away, the girl wrapped her arm around him again.

A quick glance at Karen and you gathered she wasn't very happy. 

"Happy birthday, Karen," the girl smiled, leaning into Billy more. 

"Thanks," Karen bit out with a smile. It was very forced though and you were wondering what was going on.

"And who’s this?" She asked, giving you a once-over that made you feel small.

"This is Y/N," Billy supplied, shooting you a fleeting glance. 

"It's nice to meet you, Y/N. I'm Louisa, Billy's girlfriend," she gave you a polite smile and you nodded, trying your best to give her one in return. You felt a little lightheaded at being blindsided like this and you really didn't want to be there. 

"Y/N…. Come with me to the bar? I need birthday drinks," Karen asked, shooting you a look.

"Yeah, okay," you murmured, not even getting your sentence finished before she was dragging you away to the bar.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. She wasn't supposed to be here. I didn't even invite her. In fact, I explicitly told Billy not to bring her," Karen rambled with a frown.

"Why? You didn't have to do that if it was for me," you shook your head. Karen didn't have to edit her guest list just because she invited you no matter how upset you were.

"It wasn't. I mean, not all of it. Obviously, I didn't want her here with you. You know I'd never do that to you. But I just… I can't stand her," she growled before flagging down the bartender. He came right over since she was the birthday girl and she ordered you both a drink. You glanced back behind you where you'd left the group. Billy was grinning and talking, the girl hanging off him. Curtis and Frank looked slightly tense and out of place. When you brought your eyes back to Karen, you saw her finish her drink in one.

"Why don't you like her?" You asked curiously. Karen snorted a mirthless laugh, slamming her glass back down. 

"She's a stuck-up bitch. She's only after Billy for his money. Frank tried to talk to him but… well you know how stubborn Billy is. It just made him dig his heels in more," she sighed. You didn't want to comment on the situation. You didn't know the girl. But you knew Karen wasn't the type to just dislike someone for no reason. She was a nice person. And she was also really good at sussing people out. Karen stayed with you at the bar for a little bit but then she'd gotten whisked off by someone. You had a few drinks and before long, Frank had dragged Karen back to the rest of the group. You wondered if it was so he wasn't suffering alone since Karen had made it seem like he also didn't approve of Billy's new relationship. But you didn't want to go over. Didn't want to see Billy looking so happy with someone else. Especially if that person was going to hurt him. You knew it was rich coming from you and you ordered another drink. 

You moved to sit at an empty table out of the way. You really felt awkward here now. The only people you knew, you couldn't go to. You were scrolling through your emails on your phone and considering ducking out early when someone plonked into the seat next to you. You looked up to come face to face with Billy. 

"Hey, couldn't get away for a while. Didn't get to finish our conversation," he smiled, drink in his hand. He looked good. He looked happy. It hurt and you hated yourself. 

"It's fine, don't worry about it," you smiled, leaning back in your chair a little. 

"So… how have things been?" He asked curiously and you chuckled joylessly. You weren't drunk but you were tipsy and you knew you were a little loose-lipped when you'd had a few drinks. You were trying your hardest to keep your mouth shut. 

"They've just… been, I guess," you shrugged vaguely, finishing the last little bit of your drink. You were itching for another already. 

"What about you?" You asked quickly, hoping to turn the focus off of you. 

"Things are pretty good. Anvil just got a big government contract," he beamed. You smiled despite it all. 

"That's awesome. I'm so happy for you," you said sincerely. You knew how long he'd wanted this. He bit his lower lip with a bright smile.

"Bout time, right?" He smirked wryly and you nodded.

"It's really good. I'm glad things are going good," you said softly. He shot you a smile and then a weird silence settled over you both as you toyed with your glass. 

"So… you gonna tell how you've really been?" He asked pointedly. When you looked at him again, he raised a brow at you. You nibbled your lower lip, shifting in your chair. You weren't going to be staying in the city long and you'd probably never see him again now he was happy and he'd moved on. Maybe being honest with him for once wouldn't hurt. 

"After I left… I started seeing a therapist," you admitted. His brows rose a little and he moved his body to face you better.

"A shrink?" He asked slowly. You looked down, feeling your cheeks heat up a little.

"If that's what you wanna call it. It's helped me though. I've been working on myself. I had a lot of issues… obviously. But she's really helped me. I've learned a lot about myself," you explained with a shrug.

"What did you learn?" He asked. You looked at him and he looked curious, not judgmental at all. It made you feel a little more comfortable.

"You remember what I told you about my parents, right? Well… apparently that's why I had commitment issues. I grew up seeing relationships as something that just hurts you and those around you. So my brain was trying to protect me or some shit. But even though my mind was trying to keep me safe by keeping everyone at arm's length, I did want to be cared about. I craved real love, I just didn't realize it. It all made sense to me, anyway," you said sheepishly. He watched you for a moment before nodding slowly.

"It does make sense. Our minds do weird shit to try and keep us safe. Trust me, I get it," he smirked, taking a large swig of his drink. Of course, he got it. He hadn't had an easy life and he'd once been just like you.

"I guess it was just nice to find out why I was so broken," you snorted self-deprecatingly. 

"You were never broken, Y/N," he frowned.

"I think you of all people know that's not true," you quipped, shaking your head. He opened his mouth but you never got to know his reply as Curtis was suddenly setting a hand on his shoulder. He shot you a sheepish smile before looking at Billy.

"Louisa's looking for you, man," he muttered. Billy nodded and Curtis walked away and then Billy turned to you.

"Sorry, I'm bein' summoned," he grinned, raising his brows. 

"It's okay," you murmured, trying to quell the ugly feelings swirling around inside of you. Billy stood, giving you a soft smile.

"It was nice to see you, Y/N," he said before he walked away and got swallowed by the crowd. 

You exhaled a shaky breath and sagged in your chair. You knew you were such an idiot for letting him go the first time around and you felt like karma was beating you with a stick for it. You ended up sitting at the table drinking for another hour. Not enough to get smashed but enough to keep the buzz going. Karen had stopped by periodically, apologizing profusely every time. She kept getting tugged away by others though so you were mostly on your own. After getting bored and even more miserable, you slipped out of a side door to get some air. It led to an alleyway at the side of the hotel. It was dark now and the cold air hit you hard but you welcomed it. You leaned against the cool brick as you wondered if you'd ever be happy. You wiped your eyes furiously, annoyed at yourself for crying when you'd done this to yourself. But then you heard the door open and you sniffled quickly, trying to compose yourself. You half expected Karen but instead, you were once again met by Billy.

"You okay?" He asked concerned as he saw your damp cheeks.

"Fine," you bit out, trying to hold yourself together. The last drink might have been a mistake.

"Why don't I believe you?" He asked with a raised brow as he stepped closer to you.

"What does it even matter?" You huffed, finding that horribly enough, you were still crying. You pushed off the wall, ready to leave but Billy frowned as he grabbed your wrist.

"Talk to me," he murmured softly, dark eyes imploring. You sniffled once more and shook your head 

"What's the point?" You asked helplessly.

"Don't do that. You already shut me out once, don't do it again," his eyes were intense as he glared at you and you felt like someone hit you in the chest. If you were sober, you would have kept your mouth shut. But you weren't sober and you were already emotional.

"I'm unhappy. And I know I deserve to be unhappy because of how I hurt you. And the worst part is that now after therapy, I know that I have feelings for you too. And all I can think about is how I fucked up so badly that I lost the only person who ever really cared about me," you lamented tearfully. He was still holding your wrist as he stared at you. 

"I know I'm selfish, I know I am and I'm trying to work on it. But I shouldn’t have come here. I came here 'cause Karen asked me to and she'd told me you'd moved on. But I didn't expect to see you here with someone and it hurts. And I’m just-" your heartfelt ramblings were cut off when he tugged you to him and then his lips were on yours. Your heart sped up as you kissed him back, but despite the alcohol, you knew this wasn't a good idea and you put your hands on his chest and moved him away. He blinked down at you confused, dark intense eyes scanning your face like he was searching for something. 

"We… we shouldn't," you shook your head, the pain in your chest getting worse. He looked down quickly, blinking rapidly.

"I-I just thought… What you said, I…" he looked so lost and you wanted to hit yourself for hurting him again. It was like you couldn't help yourself.

"It's not that I don't want… It's just a bad idea. There's a… bad history there. I don't wanna…" I don't want to hurt you, rung out in your head but you couldn't get the words out.

"Besides, you have a girlfriend," you added. It was wrong on so many levels. Your brain couldn't even comprehend that he'd kissed you. What it meant about his feelings for you. 

Billy looked off to the end of the alley, seemingly deep in thought as he rolled his shoulder. When he turned back to you, there was a strange look in his eye.

"I'm gonna tell you somethin' but you can't tell Karen," he muttered as he gazed at you.

"Okay…?" You were confused. He cleared his throat, raking his teeth over his lower lip.

"Louisa… I don't… I don't love her. This relationship… it ain't real," he explained simply. You just blinked dumbly at him for a moment, trying to understand what he was telling you so he continued.

"Her dad's into some shady business and I needed information. Easiest way was to get her into bed, but I couldn't get shit outta her. So I kept goin' with it. I'm not stupid, I know she only wants me for my money. But I'm usin' it to my advantage and I've started to get what I need from her," he looked somewhat sheepish at admitting this to you. Part of you was pleased to find out he didn't actually care about her. 

"I didn't tell the others 'cause I needed it to appear as real as possible. But I figured I could at least tell you since you're leavin' again soon," his voice took on a bitter edge when he mentioned you leaving and you tried to not let it sting you. This was a lot of information for you to take in and you weren't exactly in the best mental state. But what you gathered was that he still cared about you somewhat and that he wasn't in love with someone else. 

"I… uh…" your brain was having a hard time stringing a sentence together and you jumped when the door next to you both opened. Louisa came out, glancing between you and Billy before settling her eyes on him. 

"Hey, I've been looking for you," she smiled. 

"Sorry, was just helpin' Y/N out. She's not used to bein' around so many people she doesn't know," he grinned easily. Louisa smiled at you with a nod.

"Oh, trust me. I get it. Lucky for me though I have this guy," she grinned, looping her arm around Billy's. Even knowing the truth, it left a bitter taste in your mouth. Billy smiled down at her before giving you a long look.

"Ready to go in?" He asked you. His deep brown eyes were soft and you looked away from him, feeling overwhelmed.

"I'm gonna stay out here a little longer, but you guys go ahead," you murmured, forcing a smile. Billy looked like he wanted to protest but Louisa tugged him to the door. With that, you were alone in the alley with conflicting feelings. 

You were happy he hadn't moved on but you knew that made you a terrible person. You'd hurt him. You didn't deserve a relationship with him after what you did. You felt torn in two knowing he still cared because he kissed you yet not feeling worthy of anything with him. You really didn't feel like going back to the party so you got your phone out of your purse and shot Karen a text to tell her you were heading to bed. Instead of walking back the way you came and risking bumping into Billy, you walked to the end of the alley and decided you'd go into the main entrance instead.  You had too much on your mind and none of it made sense. You really shouldn't have come back.