#he really went through the FULL SPECTRUM OF EMOTIONS here

[rosanna-writer]

a simple name and everything has changed (3/?)

Summary: we said hello and your eyes look like coming home, Rhys POV chapters Or: Rhys's slow realization that he's mated to Prythian's most chaotic human (and how much he loves her for it) Warnings: implied/referenced sexual assault, discussion of food insecurity and disordered eating Word Count: ~3.5k

This is Rhys's POV of ch. 19 - your mom's ring in your pocket, which is the initial discussion of the ring and the Weaver's cottage.

You can find it Here on AO3 or below the readmore.

It was a small miracle that I managed to read Azriel's entire report with Feyre standing so close to my wings. More than anything, I wanted her hands on them again. But for now, I was content with just the easy, comfortable way she rested her free hand on my shoulder. A small thing, perhaps, but Under the Mountain, it had been beyond my wildest dreams.

She was also peppering me with questions, and after she'd been deceived by Tamlin, it was clearly important to her that I answered all of them completely. So I did. The lack of information Azriel had been able to dig up worried me, and I didn't hide that from her, either.

Amren arrived shortly after that, and the size of her stack of books seemed…promising. Azriel might have run into dead ends, but I hoped he was only one at least.

"Research. As requested before you leave for Illyria, Rhysand," she said, dropping everything on the table.

Unsurprisingly, Feyre responded quicker than I did. "Research on what?"

"On you, girl. And whatever power has been thrumming in your veins since you were Made."

Feyre knocked back the last of her tea as if it were a shot of alcohol. If she were wishing she'd had something stronger before dealing with Amren first thing in the morning, I didn't blame her in the slightest.

"And I assume you found something, or we wouldn't be having this conversation," I said.

"I have theories, but books aren't enough to prove anything—we'll have to run tests."

I let my hand drift to Feyre's lower back. The thought of running tests on my mate rankled me, and I forced myself not to snarl, lest my Second bit my head off in retaliation.

"We don't have time for dramatics today. Please explain."

"Feyre has been claimed by the Night Court, and she's mated to its High Lord. It stands to reason that she's a creature of Night. But at the same time, her Making was a boon from Spring Court magic after taking Tamlin's place in the Great Rite. She may be…something else entirely."

The same thing had crossed my mind before, on nights I tried to focus on the sound of Feyre's slow, steady breathing across the hall instead of my own spiraling thoughts. I'd found my mate in the very court that had taken my family from me, and that didn't feel like a coincidence.

The violence should have ended the moment Tamlin and I became High Lords. But now, my newest recurring nightmare was of a third head in a box, sent down river by the Spring Court just like my mother's and sister's.

"If Tamlin thinks I stole power from him and swore fealty to Rhys on Calanmai…" Feyre said, and at the sound of her voicing my fears aloud, I couldn't hold back a growl.

Amren nodded, a quiet signal that she understood that the growl wasn't aimed at her. "Agreed, and because treasure troves with objects from both Spring and Night are few and far between, it's time to stop stalling. You have a promise to keep."

Perhaps I should have growled at her anyway—I needed at least another century before I could look Feyre in the eye and tell her about the ring waiting for her in the Weaver's cottage. She'd risked her life to free me, and I was certain that if I came anywhere close to insinuating she still had something to prove, she'd have my balls. And rightfully so.

Just the thought of telling her was enough to loosen my grip on my power, and pathetically, the darkness drifted towards Feyre, clinging to her arm as if it were afraid she'd leave.

"Find another method," I ground out from between clenched teeth.

"Feyre has to go claim it anyway."

"She's already proven more than enough."

"Spare me, Rhysand. We all know what you were thinking when you put that bargain tattoo on her finger."

Amren was right, though. The look she was giving me was familiar—I'd gotten used to it when I was a boy still mastering my powers and she was tired of me giving anything less than my best during a lesson.

"Tell me what you're talking about this before this comes to blows." Feyre shrugged my hand off her back, and I slid it into my pocket before I made a bigger fool of myself and reached for her again.

It truly wasn't fair that Feyre looked that beautiful when she was angry.

Amren, of course, wasn't going to deign to provide an explanation. It wasn't her business anyway. I took a breath and steeled myself, fully expecting the full truth would fan the flames of Feyre's temper.

"There's a ring," I said. "An heirloom of my family, passed down from female to female. My sister wasn't born yet, so my mother gave it to me when I was a boy. A reminder that she was always with me, even during the worst of my training, and I safeguarded it with preserving spells, the way our kind do for anything valuable. When I reached my majority, she took the ring away and gave it to an ancient, wicked creature called the Weaver, who added it to the collection of treasures she amassed over millennia."

It wasn't everything, and Feyre was smart enough to figure that out on her own. "Why would your mother give it away?"

Gods, I could kill Amren for this. She pretended to be above it all, but I knew during her next meeting with Mor, she'd be sharing every last detail of me squirming.

"Another test. If I were to marry or mate, then the female would either have to be smart or strong enough to get the ring back. And if she wasn’t either of those things, then she wouldn’t survive the marriage. I promised my mother that any potential bride or mate would have to pass, but I think if she were still here…she'd agree that you've already done more than enough."

I waited for more of Feyre's anger, but she just blinked, clearly bewildered. "A wedding ring?" she said, as if it weren't patently obvious.

"Yes, but you're under no obligation to—"

When she spoke again, the uncertainty making her voice waver damn near broke my heart. "You— You haven't…sent someone after it before me, have you?"

As if anyone would have been stupid enough to want to marry me. I couldn't imagine what could have put the idea in her head.

But then again, I'd been the one who'd made her feel unwanted enough to run off to the House of Wind as soon as we'd returned to the Night Court.

"Cauldron, no," I said, scrambling for a way to remind her—in front of Amren, of all people—that there had never been anyone else for me and never would be.

"And this isn't— You're not…proposing?"

Cauldron boil and fucking fry me. Now was hardly the time to be having this discussion—I had no idea what Feyre's views on marriage were or if the mating bond changed them. She'd always be my mate first and foremost, but…I couldn't deny the appeal of calling her my wife too, and she might be more comfortable with a more human way to refer to me.

But it was just as likely she was feeling rushed and didn't want any of that at all.

A pounding at the door heralded the arrival of the rest of my Inner Circle, and I made a silent prayer of thanks to the Mother as we filed into the sitting room. I hadn't been able to think of anything to say, and they'd saved me from continuing to gape at Feyre like a fish.

Feyre went quiet as the conversation turned to dealing with the Illyrians who'd supported Amarantha. From Cassian's report, it seemed that there were more than I'd expected, but news of my return had sent them scurrying into the forest to hide. We'd have to flush them out.

I didn't relish the thought of several days in the Steppes, away from Feyre. But I knew the Illyrians, and I'd lose more respect by staying in Velaris and sending someone else to do my dirty work. Then again, it might be for the best—I wasn't sure I wanted Feyre to witness me kill again, no matter how much they deserved it.

Eventually, there was a lull in the conversation, and Feyre filled it. "If we need to make a statement to keep control of Illyria, then we could give them to the Weaver and kill two birds with stone."

If Feyre wasn't exactly the sort of person who might have once felled two birds with a single stone, I would have thought she was joking. But I knew better. Feyre didn't like waste, whether that was food scraps or ammunition or a taking a life; she was merely efficient and the farthest thing from squeamish.

Strong enough to survive the marriage indeed.

"Are you suggesting that we allow a death-god to eat a few rogue Illyrians in exchange for the return of your wedding ring?" I said, smiling.

Feyre didn't smile back—her face was set in that characteristic determined grimace of hers. "Amarantha refused to free her human slaves. I'm the Night Court's resident human. What better way to punish them for supporting her than turning them over to me?"

She had a point, and the rest of the Inner Circle seemed to think so, which was a relief. If Feyre were to accompany us to Illyria, I wanted to avoid objections from Cassian and Azriel.

"If we're cracking a few wing bones, Feyre might as well get a turn," Cassian said.

"It's Illyria, not Velaris, so word will get out, which we can spin in our favor. Distaste for slavery instead of petty revenge against those who supported the bitch who made Rhys her—" Mor said, then stopped.

Whore. That had been what she'd about to say. I should have been used to it after fifty years, and it wasn't as if Mor was flinging it at me as an insult. My cheeks burned with shame anyway.

"The bitch who hurt him," Mor amended, and somehow, it made me feel worse. I hated the thought of any member of my family feeling the need to tiptoe around me.

"I'll never be offended by you telling the truth. Even about that," I said. Mor took my hand and squeezed it.

"No one reasonable would fault you for slaughtering your rapist's supporters. But for the unreasonable ones…it's also true that involving Feyre could help dispel the rumors that Prythian's savior is a pawn you intend to discard."

I understood—for the most part, the other courts were more concerned with rebuilding the damage that Amarantha had caused, and they likely would be for decades. But as Mor had worked to put treaties and agreements back in place, there had been more than a few polite—if very pointed—inquiries regarding the wellbeing of Feyre Cursebreaker. For now, Mor's letters back had contained equally pointed reminders that the Cursebreaker had been through an ordeal and didn't deserve to be bothered. We couldn't keep that up forever, though.

"Assuming the Weaver is willing to bargain, it's not a bad plan," Azriel said. From him, that was a ringing endorsement.

"Hell of an assumption, though," Cassian added.

Feyre was looking at me expectantly, clearly waiting for me to weigh in. I was suddenly uncomfortably aware that I had the authority to order her to either come to Illyria or stay back in Velaris, regardless of what her wishes were. I considered Feyre my equal in everything, but there were ancient laws and magic at play. Emissary or Lady of the Night Court…either way, her power was limited.

If nothing else, I wanted her to know that I wouldn't command her to face any danger. I had the bravest mate in Prythian, but Feyre deserved a chance to rest instead of shouldering the weight of the world. "All of it is your choice, Feyre. If you don't want to risk leaving Velaris, no one will force you," I said.

"I'm not shying away from any of it. I'll go," she said without hesitation.

Nothing stopped Feyre. I dropped my shields just enough to let her feel my swell of pride at her willingness to face this head on, even after everything she'd been through.

Cassian mussed her hair, and a memory came to me, unbidden—he used to do the same thing to Azriel, back before the War, when Az was still sporting those hideous bangs that swooped low across his forehead. And they way Feyre was trying and failing to scowl at Cassian…my heart squeezed. My own sister had always given me that look when I'd gotten on her nerves to break up the monotony of formal court events.

"Send your mate and your dogs out to the yard if they insist on playing, Rhysand. The adults still have matters to discuss," Amren said.

"Amren, if you wanted to play—" Cassian said, taunting her the way he always did when she called him my dog.

And as if on cue, Mor groaned. "Can we not? We're supposed to be working."

Under the Mountain, I'd resigned myself to never hearing them bicker like this again. After a decade, I'd forgotten their voices, their faces. That's when I'd stopped hoping.

Hearing it again while I shared the sofa with Feyre…it felt like a gift. She caught my eye as Cassian smoothed her hair back into place, and I smiled, just grateful for all of them.

But I could hardly afford to get maudlin with a court to run and Prythian in disarray, so I forced myself to focus on the task at hand.

The meeting was a long one; I trusted Mor and Amren to keep everything running smoothly in my absence, but there was so much more up in the air than usual. Unfortunately, they'd likely be at it for a while—according to Cassian's reporting, the rogue war-bands had scattered, and it would take time to track down each group that had splintered.

There was work to be done, so none of us lingered longer than necessary. We were up before the sun the next morning.

As I was washing my face, I felt a pang of anxiety from Feyre's side of the bond. A few disjointed images and feelings crossed the bond—a tree covered in snow, the twang of a bowstring, hunger pangs. It vanished as quickly as it came.

Something had stirred an old memory for her, I supposed. But it seemed she'd mastered it, so I refrained from giving her a fright by winnowing into her room while she was still dressing.

Instead, I met her downstairs and immediately lifted her into my arms to fly. Feyre felt like she'd gained a bit of weight, which was good. The tangible evidence she'd been eating right and gaining muscle from training soothed some of my worries.

I started to ask if she was alright, but the second her feet were off the floor, she relaxed and buried her face in my shoulder. I couldn't help but smile. Since returning home, I'd quickly learned that she wasn't a morning person, and there was something adorably Feyre about the way she'd clearly decided it was too early to talk—but not too early to cling to me.

"Good morning to you, too," I said.

"We have somewhere to be," she said, somehow managing to sound both half-asleep and accusatory.

I kissed her temple, then winnowed us into the sky above Windhaven. The immediate cold rush of air against my face felt like freedom. Feyre—now fully awake—cried out and held on tight as I spread my wings.

My shoulders immediately barked in protest, even though all I'd done was slow the descent. Feyre wasn't particularly heavy, but I still wasn't strong enough to fly upward while carrying her—the latest goal the healer had set for me was getting above the wards around the House of Wind to winnow down to the street with Feyre in my arms.

But now we were gliding to the ground smoothly, and that was progress. Incremental, but still progress, even if my back strained with each occasional flap of my wings.

Fearless as ever, Feyre lifted her head from my shoulder to look straight down at the camp below us, despite the altitude still being enough to turn the stomach of anyone wingless. I expected more questions, but she was silent as she took in the view.

From the air at least, it didn't appear that Windhaven had changed much. Amarantha had mostly considered Illyria beneath her notice, and while her beasts had been free to roam into Steppes, they'd avoided it. Too few resources, too many warriors with killing magic.

Thanks to Cassian's reports, I knew Illyria was more or less intact, but it was still a relief to see it for myself. In those last seconds before Amarantha had taken my power, I'd chosen to protect Velaris, throwing the rest of my court to the wolves in the process. It was sound strategy—if anyone could defend themselves, it was the Illyrians, and there wasn't much worth saving in the Hewn City—but not being able to protect everything had left me with a heavy sense of guilt that had weighed on me for fifty years.

During the war, my father had treated my mother's people as cannon fodder. Perhaps I wasn't any better, despite striving to be.

It took all of my concentration to keep from stumbling as we landed. Centuries of muscle memory were the only reason I didn't break an ankle and drop Feyre in the process. But it looked effortless, and that was most important.

I set Feyre down, and—as usual—she slipped into a role naturally, standing up straight and maintaining eye contact, a clear signal she wasn't afraid. That she wasn't lesser.

Devlon approached, flanked by the same warriors as always, and for a moment, I could almost believe no time had passed since I'd last been here. "Your dog," he barked with a nod at Cassian, "already completed camp inspections yesterday. Don't tell me you've brought a human to check for dust in the barracks, too."

I bit back a growl at the way he'd spoken about Feyre. Starting a fight within seconds of my return hardly sent a message that everything was under control. If it weren't for centuries of practice holding my temper back around Devlon, his brain would have been leaking out of his nose.

"After fifty years away, it's good to see your sparkle hasn't dimmed, Devlon. Feyre Cursebreaker is a member of my Inner Circle, and she wouldn't be here to clean up a mess if you'd kept a tighter leash on your men," I said.

And perhaps crushing minds would be unnecessary—Feyre was already reaching for an ash arrow. I'd never seen her shoot, but it didn't surprise me that she pulled it out of the quiver with expert, lethal grace. She knew exactly what she was doing as she smiled and tapped it against her thigh.

Devlon scowled. "These last fifty years have been difficult for us all."

It was all I needed to hear to be sure that he'd keep Windhaven in check while we were in the forest. Devlon might have hated me, but he was reliable and followed orders despite looking for loopholes and grumbling about it. If he wasn't insulting me to my face, the situation was still salvagable.

"I'm not interested in hearing your excuses. The current state of your camp is pathetic, and if I see one more misstep, you can consider yourself court-martialed," I said, then started off for the trees.

I was desperately curious to know what Feyre thought of Illyria. Growing up in this place had shaped me—in many ways, even more than Velaris had—and the part of me that craved my mate's approval needed to hear that she didn't hate it here.

I reached down the bond, intending to ask her, but as I opened my shields slightly, a silver of a thought slipped through from her end. …Rhys's stupidly long legs…

It was a miracle I didn't laugh aloud, just kept my face blank as I reached through the opening she'd left for me. Stupidly long legs? But you look so delicious framed between them.

"Save it for when we're back home, Rhys," Feyre muttered.

Behind me, Azriel snickered, but I didn't have it in me to care, not when Feyre had just called Velaris home.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her nock the arrow in her hand. Even to acute faerie hearing, her footsteps were silent. Her eyes were wary as she scanned the trees ahead of us, and her nostrils flared as she took in the pine-scented air.

A couple weeks of comfortable domesticity with her in the townhouse had nearly made me forget that Feyre was, at her core, a predator. Not quite a warrior, but someone shaped by years of stalking, trapping, skinning, and gutting, all to keep her family fed. Someone who slipped through the forest with all the lethality befitting the Queen of Nightmares.

I'd watched Feyre trap the Middengard Wyrm like a rabbit, but perhaps that had barely scratched the surface.

[vinelark]

in honor of his birthday i would like to ask if you, as a master of a pangy fic writing, have any pangy jason fics to recommend

❗️ you’ve given me a quest! i do indeed have pangy jason fic recs, and here are some of them:

pre-death:

Not All Kidnappings are Bad by @cdelphiki

a “bruce finds jason early” au, featuring 9 y/o jason’s understandable trust issues, bruce’s terminal awkwardness, and slow-burn family. the identity reveal here is also one of my favorite moments.

we’re released pushing daisies by shoutowo

jason starts acting strange out of the blue, and bruce is fraying at the seams trying to figure out why. i love how the pov is so deftly navigated here; the reader knows almost exactly what’s going on, even if bruce never does, and we still get a little catharsis.

these words you can’t say by glaciya

a short, excellent, gut-punch of a fic in which jason is figuring out his place in the family, and dick takes out some of his bruce issues on jason (but does his best to fix it later).

A MOMENT THAT'S HELD IN YOUR ARMS. by orpheusaki

possibly my fav early days jason pang fic of all time; jason and bruce are stumbling toward learning to communicate, and bruce runs headfirst into one of jason’s (understandable) misconceptions.

Safe Space by Cerusee

the summary puts it perfectly: “Turns out, Bruce and Jason aren’t quite on the same page about who’s parenting whom.” feat. some exploration of jason’s past + trauma around being a caretaker to a parent figure.

post-resurrection:

the only way out (is as a carcass) by @silk-scarlet-ribbons

red hood gets mentally rewound to his robin days, and has A Time. this fic also delves a bit into jason grappling with the major changes his body went through since he was robin, which is a particularly compelling pang to me.

all my love and terror balanced there by @burins

in which jason and bruce have a conversation, and i cry. (this line has lived in my head since i read it: "I lost you too," Jason says. "You always forget that. And I never got you back.")

Tap Out by @coyote-nebula

jason gets poisoned as a civilian, which kicks off a character study of jason & bruce + trying not to hurt each other. one of my favorite jason povs!

The Cold Like Coming Home by cabezas_de_vaca

jason rescues bruce wayne from a kidnapping across the globe from gotham. this one made me experience the full spectrum of jason & bruce emotions, pangs and all.

butcherbird, fly away home by e_va

unrelated to the previous fic, but: jason rescues bruce wayne from a kidnapping across the globe from gotham. here, bruce doesn’t know jason’s alive yet, jason doesn’t tell bruce the truth about what happened to him (at first), and they both Go Through It before eventually going home.

It Doesn’t Look Bitter on You by ManURonaldo

a story about jason’s food insecurity, with some really excellent pangs in both the past & present timelines. (also comes with a side of tim pangs, as a treat.)

[silverview]

alright i’m shifting back into tlw mode. i'm finally writing a fic from chas's POV and it's sticking a little bit. i know i can never actually do justice to him but the attempt is being made and i have a lot of thoughts, i'm just going to throw them all down in one place

chas might be my all-time favourite in9 character. reece has described the performance as being basically the same as he gives in sardines, which is a fair comparison honestly – the difference isn’t really in the performance or the character as much as in the circumstances. as in, stuart doesn’t do much relatively speaking and he never really has to shift gears onscreen. whereas chas is what you’d get if that character went through literally the full spectrum of human emotion onscreen in the space of half an hour, including an extended closeup on him experiencing the most extreme betrayal and mortal terror it’s possible to imagine, while covered in gunk and immobilised from the neck down. it's an extreme exercise in humanising/complicating a stock character, and it's an extraordinary performance. chas’s vulnerability and humour and courage carry the entire episode. and his little dancey dance. i love him for his defence mechanisms and the pain and heart that's underneath when he lets them drop. i love him for losing his dream, and coping with it terribly, and being forced to rebuild his life and his sense of self. i love him for being a bad person and a good person

and YES i love him for being camp!!!! i watched the original boys in the band recently and recognised so much of chas in some of those characters, especially emory, both as written + performed. crucially the humanising/complicating of a comedy stock character for pathos. tlw is only two seasons out from how do you plead and i think that contributed to some negative reactions about reece's camp performances being too exaggerated and/or too frequent. i don't think many people really noticed that urban explicitly, intentionally speaks & acts that way as part of his job. he is a man who is explicitly playing a character for most of his screentime. why exactly he does it in that particular way is not clear to me. i am desperate to understand that episode & character better, partly because i feel like unlocking it would also provide a key to better understanding their overall handling of gay characters & themes

i've talked before about chas and simon being linked by the experience of death by parasocial rejection. lately i've been thinking about how this strand of rejection (in a less fatal but still tragic form) also runs through reece's characters in merrily merrily and plodding on. "i never responded in kind" = *suffocates you with a pillow* = "move on" = "i don't even know if we are friends anymore." why is he always the one who loves too much, discovering that his feelings are not reciprocated? and why is this tendency punished so much more violently in episodes where it's figured as explicitly gay, hmm? if you read the end of plodding on as resolving the rift in that episode, then it's also resolving this long-running meta arc; if you read it as unresolved then it is also leaving the meta arc unresolved

anyway here's my tlw timeline. i have joe & chas being born in 1965 + 1975 respectively. that puts chas in his early 20s in the late 90s when atlantic 5 was active, 30 when olivia attempted suicide, 39 when he met joe, and 48 when he died. if you listen to the audio described version it literally does differentiate them as being "the younger one" / "the older one," even though that's not explicit in the episode. they do need a bit of an age gap to make the backstory work. idk, i know they have a small age gap irl – it's just funny to me that they managed to turn that into a more noticeable/significant age gap through sheer looks and vibes

and here is my tlw playlist and here is my dedicated chas playlist, which has some overlap and is still evolving and is a mix of songs about him + pure vibes. i get really emo thinking about him listening to eternal flame as a sad teenager and dreaming of finding love someday :/

[luckykittysshowerthoughts]

Raphael as an Autistic Character

I recently went over this in an ask I received, but I thought this deserved its own standalone post. As an autistic person myself, I wholeheartedly believe that Raphael is the most heavily, yet most realistically, autism-coded character I've seen in media.

I've seen it the "Raphael is autistic" headcanon floating around a couple times, but I think he deserves a full breakdown not only on why he's autistic, but how it impacts and explains his character. Because just like with real people, it's one thing to just toss a label onto him, and it's another to understand how this impacts him as a person. I think a lot of the stranger or more unlikeable parts of his character are much more appreciable when recontextualized through an autistic lens.

So, here I go. Down the list of symptoms Raphael displays, starting with sensory processing symptoms and moving into social-emotional symptoms.

Sensory Issues: Hyposensitivity

When it comes to sensory issues, the elephant in the room is his sense of taste. Raphael has a hyposensitivity to taste- meaning he perceives taste to a significantly lesser degree to most people. This is clear when he consumes Solomon's food without being disgusted at the taste- as well as several other occurrences of weird taste, like absolutely dousing his sandwich in Hell's hottest hot sauce.

But it isn't just that he doesn't perceive the taste- he actively enjoys it, moreso than other foods. I think this is because, with his dulled sense of taste, "normal" foods taste bland to him. Something to the degree of Solomon's cooking is the only thing powerful enough to give him the kind of sensory feedback most of us get from "normal" food. Which is why he enjoys it.

I don't think it's just taste that he's hyposensitive to, either. He also seems to have a very limited sense of pain. In Season 4, Raphael is seen accidentally catching his hand on fire- and not even noticing until somebody else pointed it out to him, at which point he simply described it as "hot". I'm sorry, having your hand on fire isn't just "hot" like a summer day, it's searing agonizing pain. The fact that he was this nonchalant about it, when we've seen other nonhumans like Mammon respond to pain (and even being on fire) perfectly normally, says something. I think Raphael's lack of pain perception could also contribute to how violent he is- if he doesn't feel pain the same way most people do, he might not fully understand the weight of his harsh punishments. What he'd consider the equivalent of slapping someone's wrist with a ruler could be literally stabbing someone, we don't know.

Sensory Issues: Visual Processing

Raphael, like many autistic people, seems to be a very visually-oriented person. This was highlighted multiple times in the Devilgram "Raphael's Welcome". The first time it was shown was when Raphael refused to eat food Lucifer recommended due to how it looked. This is the same angel that eats Solomon's cooking with absolutely no issue, and yet gave a hard no to anything Lucifer offered him because it looked a little funny. His priorities are way out of wack. Visuals seem to be a very powerful influence over how Raphael thinks and feels, and this is very in-line with the autism spectrum.

The next time Raphael's visual fixation was brought up in the Devilgram was when he entered Majolish. The first thing he did was start looking at all the clothing up close and pointing out details about how they were stitched, the quality of the clothing, etc- to which Lucifer remarked that Raphael has always had an eye for detail. While Raphael is oblivious to or actively avoids other types of sensory input, visuals seem to be very important to him and how he understands the world.

Sensory Issues: Hypersensitivity

This one is going to be shorter than the others, because I really don't have as much evidence for it nor as much to say about it. But I do suspect Raphael to be hypersensitive to sound. Again in Season 4, when MC was looking for Raphael, the first thing Lucifer told them was to look for the quietest place around. While a lot of people prefer quiet, how on-the-nose Lucifer was with this combined with Raphael's more obvious autistic traits makes me suspect he might be hypersensitive to sound.

Communication Deficit: Social Cues

You know it's bad when Mammon tells you to read the room.

Honestly, I feel like that should be all I have to say. But you know what, I'll go on.

Raphael has repeatedly shown that he has very little understanding of social cues. He's somehow made it this far without catching onto the fact that everyone is terrified of Solomon's cooking, for example. He also once compared Satan to Lucifer after literally everyone in the room tried to warn him not to.

Raphael doesn't even seem to be aware of his own social cues and the impressions he gives off. When Diavolo announced that he'd be working with Thirteen, Raphael scowled and shook his head- only to seem genuinely surprised when Thirteen noticed this and took offense to his reaction, telling her that he "didn't say anything".

His understanding of social cues is... not very good. To say the least.

Communication Deficit: Emotional Expression

One of the first things we learn about Raphael is that he's incredibly difficult to read. It's not hard to see why other characters feel this way- the majority of the time, he has a completely blank expression. Hell, one time he flat-out said he was having fun and didn't even smile about it.

Smiles in general seem to be excessively rare with him, and it's often made a big deal of when he does.

Despite his lack of expression, he doesn't seem as emotionless as people portray him as. According to Simeon, he's actually "pretty intense". Even in the screenshot above, he's clearly feeling something, he just isn't showing it in the way a typical person would expect. He gives all the hallmarks of someone with very strong emotions but an inability to translate them to others- something very strongly associated with autism.

Communication Deficit: Speech

One of the other things we were told about Raphael before we met him is that he's incredibly quiet- to the point where others, including Luke, have difficulty understanding him as a person. Reading through the lessons, he has "..." dialogue significantly more than any other character. It's rare the game goes out of its way to include silent dialogue, and usually when it does it's in a very serious situation where it's meant to be emotionally impactful. This isn't the case with Raphael. He does this regularly, in casual personal interactions, and even to the point where it causes miscommunications with others.

An example I can think of off the top of my head is when he went to clean up a mess Thirteen created with her spiderweb bazooka. He left in the middle of a conversation to go do so, without giving any verbal acknowledgement of what it was he was doing, leading to Lucifer assuming he was goofing off and scolding him. Normally someone would say something along the lines of "we should clean that up", or "let me go clean that up real quick", or "I'm going to go clean that up", etc. Most people would say something like that without even thinking. But Raphael just gave his usual "...", and that socially inappropriate silence lead to a clear misunderstanding with Lucifer.

"Quiet" to the point of impeding on one's ability to connect with and communicate intent to others isn't normal, and it makes me wonder if he may be partially nonverbal.

Communication Deficit: Tact

Raphael is... not tactful. At all. He's incredibly blunt, even harsh, with pretty much everyone. It's so constant and grating that angel Lucifer stated that he actively avoids Raphael.

Given his other very clear social difficulties, I have to wonder just how much of Raphael's rude language is actual harmful intent and how much of it is just that he's awful with tact. I wonder how much he really meant all the dickish things he's said to the brothers.

It certainly puts his character in a different perspective. As does a lot of this. Which is why I wanted to elaborate this far on all of it instead of just throwing out autism symptoms and giving him an "I'm autistic and I think he is too" seal of approval. His character starts making a lot more sense when you look at it through this lens.

And now, of course, the obligatory Michael comment of the day.

(I'm sorry, you know me by now, I couldn't not.)

I think Michael is autistic too, and I'm mentioning it here because this ties directly into Raphael and his autism. It's said in Raphael's introductory video that he's "the only one who truly understands Michael". If Raphael is autistic, and he and Michael are on the same wavelength so to speak, it would make sense that Michael is too.

I think they're on opposite sides of the spectrum- Raphael is the cold/distant/withdrawn, deadpan, hyposensitive, partially-nonverbal autistic while Michael will turn out to be the hyperactive, overexpressive, talks-your-ears-off-about-special-interests, way too in-your-face due to lack of social cues, sensory-seeking autistic. Two sides of the same coin.

They'd both play into the double-empathy theory, that autism miscommunications are due to a mismatch in autistic-neurotypical communication methods and that two autistic individuals can generally communicate just fine.

[anxious-witch]

we still can't send asks from sideblogs? okay then

I just came here to say yes hello hi, I used to not care for soulmate fics and only got into them a year or two ago through a soulmate fic in another band fandom that also ripped my heart right out for many tens of thousands of words, and now here I am, feeling like a crushed bug in a useless class, ready to take a nap on the table or floor at 9:30 because I'd had the Inertia tab open for weeks now but always put it off because it was so long already and I didn't have time for it, and said yesterday night when I already should have gone to sleep "I'll just read the first chapter to get into it and then go to sleep" and idk how much later I have suddenly finished the whole fic and went through the full spectrum of human emotions while Jan slowly learns that maybe maybe he can let Nace in and he can talk to his friends about his soulmate troubles and they'll listen and be there for him even if they might metaphorically whack him over the head and tell him he's being a dick, and he's also going to therapy to work towards a better happier life with his friends and Nace as his friend and his soulmate and his boyfriend 🥰🥰🥰🥰

anyway I love so many things in each chapter, I hope I'll have time during the christmas break to go scream in the comments about each chapter and have my heart crushed and rebuilt in each chapter again ❤✨💖🥰🥺🌈

Apparently so, but dw, I also saw your reblog so I do know who you are 🤗

Funnily enough, I used to have a very similar view on soulmate au few years back, until a really good friend of mine didn't write the most heartbreaking soulmate au ever, and it was the best fanfic I read. After that I became kinda obsessed too, so it's nice to know I am participating in the cycle now 😂

Felt you sm about putting off a fic and then once you pick it up just reading it in one breath. I am honored my fic was one of those for you, that's a huge compliment.

I love writing through characters who go through the transformation, even if they only needed to realize they just need to let people care about them instead of pushing them away. For Jan, in this fic that isn't easy, so I'm really glad that roller-coaster of emotions is something that one can feel while reading.

I appreciate every comment so if you do decide to make them about parts you liked the best, that will definitely make me happy but this comment already means so much. Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know you liked my fic ❤️

[sansxfuckyou]

be right by your side (no matter what)

Summary: if there's one thing Dee knew from the second her little brother was born, it's that she'd be by his side until one of them died no matter what that meant

Warnings: minor gore, wounds, general anguish and tragedy, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I binged Scoob and Shag in one sitting and went through the five stages of grief and the entire spectrum of human emotion, please go read it or read this fic without reading it, your choice. @sobredunia I can tag you in this nonsense now that you've read majority of Scoob and Shag. there are no spoilers past page 116, hope ya'll enjoy and consider checkin the Ao3 port if you do to leave a comment or kudos

"Don't touch my sister," He snarls the words with this specific resonance that Dee knows all too well considering how very long she's lived with him. The gentle hand on her shoulder raises, the blood of her wound rests on Pop's hand.

"He's just trying to help us out, Dex," Dee said quietly, her little brother was still defiant on the matter. She gave this gentle smile, one she hoped would ease his tension like it usually does.

He's still seething, his sister got hurt, his beloved sister. The person he turned into the angriest kid alive for, the sister he took all of his parents expectations for, the sister he tried to protect and failed to do so. He was sure he could keep her safe, sure he could keep her just fine on the supply raid because she was so desperate to join him.

To prove she wasn't just the nuisance he always said she was.

"I'm aware of that," He spat back, "How do we know we can trust them? Trust they don't have a Ballyhoo that'll hide Antihoo monsters? They could hurt us, Dee."

"We won't hurt you," Pop said, "We're in Med Bay 03, Mick and his cohorts are out there and can't hurt us-"

"I remember, Mick, Bugs, Ger, and Scoob," Dex spat bitterly, "I'm curious as to what makes you so sure me and my sister aren't a part of Mick's team?"

"A hunch," was Pop's answer to the question, "We saw you and your sister about to be torn to shreds by an Antihoo monster and saved you, of course, we couldn't patch all of your wounds while you two were passed out.

Dee's fingers raise to the small wound on her brothers arm, partially dried blood spilling down his lab coat. He hissed and pulled away from her, "Bring me to your lab and I'll start devising better and more efficient healing methods than bandaids and polysporin."

-/-/-/-

"You need to stay where it's safe, Dee," Dex would consistently chide despite his sister's insistence on joining them on the battlefield. Her Ballyhoo was never combative, it was an assist at best. Closed Caption, it let her read the thoughts of everyone around if she needed.

Dee clenched her fists a bit tighter, pigtails comically drooping, "But, Dexter, I could help-"

"Don't be an idiot, Dee Dee!" The aggressiveness to his tone is unintentional, but it makes Dee back down unlike when they were kids. Before they were part of the forces on planet Toone, before things got really bad, "Your Ballyhoo can give us nothing on the battlefield, it can barely give us anything off the battlefield either. You need to stay here to stay safe, monitor the injured, watch the doors, make sure that no is trying to double cross us."

And Dee wants so fucking badly to defy him, to push back, but ever since day one her brother has been the intellectual of the two. She nods, submitting to what she knows to be the truth, proven time and time again by the insanity upon the crashed spaceship. She takes a seat on a spinning chair, "Alright, Dex, please be careful out there. You're our best medic in spite of your Ballyhoo, did you ever realize how destructive it is?"

"My Ballyhoo? Pah! It's naught but my machines, my gadgets, little bombs I place my power in, ticking time bombs to save us all or kill us all," Dex answered without putting any thought behind it, "Mick used his Ballyhoo for evil, he still is, and I'll use mine to fight the good fight." His hand come to rest upon a set of wrenches, flat head and perfectly fitting within his hand. He grabs a set of his small bombs, his little trinkets used to properly and safely activate his Ballyhoo, he'll need them if they come across A Commander.

Dee just nods solemnly, highly aware of the fact that her brother isn't a fan of his Ballyhoo being a weaker version of Mick's. It's detrimental to his sense of being, his sense of identity, that he can be on the good guys team despite the fact his Ballyhoo is just a terrible reminder of what they're facing. That's why he throws himself into medical fields and machinery for defenses, the only way to detach himself from using his power to be a help, "I'll go patch up Felix and Yogi," She snags some of his special edition gauze tape, medication infused within it for good measure.

"Thank you for understanding, Dee," Dex said quietly, raising a gloved hand to readjust his goggles, the other hand stuffing weaponry into his lab coat pockets, "I'll be back, and better yet with some of those chips you keep nagging me about recreating."

"Thanks bro," There's this hoping sweetness on her voice, an innocence despite the fact that everything is falling apart around them.

-/-/-/-

Eyes sting with tears as she watches her brother be wheeled off on life support after the bout with Foghorn Leghorn, the bout that put one of them permanently out of business and the other near fatally wounded. She managed to deface the asshole that hurt her little brother, that nearly killed her little brother, but there was still the problem of the fact she didn't move fast enough. This could be it.

"Like, he'll be fine," Shag tried to console, good hand resting on Dee's shoulder. He sat beside her on the floor of their getaway, their emergency escape whether they failed or succeeded. And they succeeded but at a cost that Dee absolutely hated, an expense that made her feel ill.

She takes staggering breaths, gloved hand raising to run through blonde hair matting with blood. It hurts. Every little thing hurts, talking, breathing, touching her hair, her face hurts so much with how badly Foghorn messed it up. She slumps a little bit further down, "It should've been me."

Shag doesn't answer to fill the radio silence.

"I'm the big sister, and yeah I saved him, but," She stares at the body of her little brother. He's barely breathing. His heart rate is weak. Her breath hitches as she draws a hand to her now bright pink eyes to stifle the tears, "I didn't really save him."

"We'll fix him up, Dee," It's a promise that Shag can't keep, but he makes it anyways.

Dee nods and leans against Shag, "Okay."

[secretswiththezee]

A Lot Has Happened

Dear You,

It's been a while since I last wrote something here. It is now September of 2024. During the last few years I have felt like I lived through a whole different timeline. 

Last we spoke, your nephew was annoying AF. Guess what? he isn't anymore. He is an absolute sweetheart. He is empathetic, he is kind, he has emotions, he loves to draw and tell stories. He is in grade 1! almost grade 2!!

So much has happened since then. Let's see, when we last met, dad had a stroke and I was still working in migration. That was back in early 2020, we're towards the end of 2024 now nearly five years later. 

2020: I uprooted the whole family (mom, dad, Akik, Ovi and Eli) to a beautiful little regional town called Benalla. It's a 2.5 hour drive from the city, we moved due to the requirements of my visa and because Covid hit and both Akik and Ovi lost their jobs. I had to support everyone on my paycheck, I was not about to allow mom and dad to return to Bangladesh after dad's stroke without post-hospital care. They were with us for two years and left towards the end of 2021 (mind you they came in November of 2019). It was nice having them around.

I was able to work full time as mom looked after Eli, Ovi and Akik looked for work, we didn't force Akik to find work as we wanted him to finish his professional year smoothly. Eli had a horrible time in that house. He was almost what we call feral. He was biting, hitting, aggressive and non-verbal. The GP and specialists all said he was on the spectrum, in the middle of the pandemic, we had a wonderful speech pathologist come over and help Eli communicate. 

During this time 2020- December of 2022, I worked full time as a secondary maths and science teacher. Can you believe it? a MATH's teacher AND I taught Chemistry!! You would have been proud. I am good at maths now, it even surprises me. In 2021, you would be surprised to know that after ALL that hard work, we got our Permanent Residency.

In 2022 December, we moved back to Melbourne. By we I mean, Ovi, Eli and I. You would glad to know that our little brother got work and lived on his own for the first time from December 2022 until now. He has been getting a taste of independence and he is doing a terrific job. 

After moving to Melbourne, Eli's demeanor completely changed. He went from being a semi-verbal almost feral child to a beautifully speaking, pleasant child. He even goes to mainstream school now. His speech is a bit delayed, but he is getting there. He likes to draw, read, and do speed math. He hates writing though. 

In September of 2022, Akik got his invitation for applying for the skilled regional visa which leads to the PR. He worked his butt off to get that. After applying he finally got it in October of 2023. 

October of 2023 was a bag full of surprises. Let me tell you brother. So firstly, mom and dad were travelling to Dhaka from Cumilla when they were in a freak car accident. The car flipped three times, miraculously mom and dad weren't seriously injured. Mom did have an injury close to her spine. I was so stressed. Akik planned to go to Bangladesh, and we also decided to tag along because I couldn't stop stressing and crying. 

Upon reaching BD, we were able to introduce Eli to almost everyone. Eli really enjoyed the airplane and was overjoyed to see mom. He loves mom more than he loves me. Well so let me tell you what our sneaky parents were up to....

So for about a year or so, mom and dad have been talking to another family about Akik's marriage, not only that, Akik had also been talking to the girl. She's really nice and matches with Akik's Akikness well. Trust me, Akik is in love with her and it is soo cute. 

Anywho, our genius parents thought, this is the best time to get Akik's marriage done because we will not get Mikha, Ovi and Eli with Akik together again like this. Thus, in what was to be a 4 week trip to help those two recover, turned out to be a wedding fest. 

So our little brother, the last of the Khan's was married in November! we have a new addition to our family! and she's great.

Upon our return, I jumped back into work, Ovi and Akik did the same. We brought along with us Ovi's mom. She's been with us for a year. She's been helping with Eli.

This year 2024, something amazing happened within a few short few weeks. We (Ovi and I) passed our citizenship tests. We also purchased our very first home. There's another surprise, but I am not going to write about that here just now. 

Overall, since the last time we communicated, a LOT has happened. I cried thinking about you during each and every one of our milestones. Mom, dad and Akik also cried thinking about you, what you would do, how you would react, what you would say. We miss you big brother. We move on with life, but we will never forget you and what you meant to us. Love you to the moon and back. I hope we can see each other again one day. 

Ciao,

Zee

[chorusfm]

SOLAK – “Untitled Cowboy” (Video Premiere)

Today I’m so excited to introduce everyone to a new Indie Lo-Fi artist, SOLAK, who will be releasing his debut single called “Untitled Cowboy” to all streaming services tomorrow. On this heartfelt song and video that showcases the depth of SOLAK’s sound, that fits somewhere in the realm of artists like Elliott Smith and Jack Johnson, SOLAK quickly cements himself as a key artist to watch. When speaking on his ability to write everything himself, this artist shared, “I still write on my own, and I obviously set some boundaries. But within that framework, the musicians are given the freedom to add their own personality. I enjoy that myself when I’m playing for someone else.” If you’re enjoying the new track, please consider pre-ordering his debut LP, Atlas, here. I was also able to catch up with this new artist for a brief interview below. Can you talk more about the locations you chose to showcase in the music video for “Untitled Cowboy”? Where did you actually shoot and what’s the significance of the house and museum we see featured? Great question! Actually the music video is “a day in the life” with a weird twist of story. The storyline has been written by my cousin, Victor Maillard. And my double is played by other cousin Simon Houthuys. So it became a family collaboration. On top of that we decided to shoot in the house of our grandmother. She moved out recently, and for us this house a place full of memories. We could finally be in every room (something we couldn’t do when we were kids!). I lied in her bed, and took a bath in her bathroom, a special experience for me. Knowing that it’s probably the last time we were about to be in the house. The videoclip became sort of a timestamp for our shared history. It adds an extra layer of emotion to the song for me. The percussion in “Untitled Cowboy” has the same sort of distinct/homemade sound that the percussion on a Fiona Apple track might have. How did you go about writing and producing the percussion for this track? Through the whole album actually we tried to look for the contrast between “bright” & “darkers” sounds. For me that’s often translated on a spectrum of saturation in sound. Steven (Van Gelder, the mixer) and me are a huge fan of the Latin playboys, Tchad Blake and Mitchell Froom, so I guess we went looking for that aesthetic.  In the song I needed some sort of “drive”, like a small train, but it had to be light and easygoing for a longtime. When a heavy bassdrum finally arrives you are happy to hear it :) All the parts are played by Olivier Penu. We recorded everything pretty high-end, in an amazing studio in Norway. That gave us a lot of headroom to move wherever we wanted sonically. Would you explain some of the symbolism in the video for “Untitled Cowboy”? The video has an almost “Being John Malkovich” feel – both comedic and chilling. What did you want viewers to feel after watching it? The storyline was written by my cousin Victor Maillard, and he went for an extra layer of a story. It’s dreamy, and not really clear and also eternal. The video is an eternal loop of me looking for me time after time. It might not be too obvious, but we wanted that vagueness. We tried to capture the fragility of the words, and the fact that the song is based on a dream. But as you said, we wanted it to be light and funny as well, bit of a Wes Anderson world. Thanks to the beautiful colors, created by Robbe Maes. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/solak-untitled-cowboy-video-premiere/

[gamerfreddie]

So I was originally going to rant in this video's comment section but YouTube isn't letting me and I didn't spend over an hour writing a whole essay on my comfort show for nothing so here it is: -----

Okay, no hate, but I feel like you ENTIRELY missed the point of SUF.

Little Homeschool - Set up for the season. Establishes things that will be needed for later (Jasper being on Earth, Little Homeschool's existence, etc.). Like you said, it's mostly exposition.

Guidance - Steven still feels the need to help, so he ends up thinking there are issues he needs to solve (forcing his solutions onto people,) and then creating actual problems that he ends up solving, feeling guilty for creating a problem, and those guilty feelings perpetuate the cycle.

Rose Buds - Steven still doesn't know how to feel about his mom. This is the first hint that Pink/Rose is still very much an open emotional wound for Steven, far more than it is for Garnet and Pearl. Also gave us needed closure as viewers as to whether the Rose Quartz gems that appeared during "What's the Use of Feeling (Blue)" were real or fake and what happened to them in Era 3.

Bluebird - This episode is showing us that there are still Gems out there who resent or outright opose Steven and Era 3. Bluebird probably never makes an appearance again because SUF's focus was on Steven's mental health and setting up his road to recovery from all that trauma.

A Very Special Episode - It's just filler. That's it. I watched it and felt like I had wasted my time. Literally almost turned Sunstone and Rainbow Quartz 2.0 into annoying and disliked characters for me. I do know that this was the Crewniverse trying to let us experience these fusions one more time, but I feel like it could've been better executed and actually mattered to the plot.

Snow Day - The way that the Crystal Gems treat Steven like he was still a child, despite everything he went through, makes him feel invalidated, belittled and undermined. Allows for the Crystal Gems to start getting a glimpse of how Not Okay Steven really is. However we won't see a full realization from them until later, because the Crystal Gems are too caught up in their own happy lives to notice that the kid they RAISED isn't okay.

Why So Blue - Establishing that not all Gems have a moral compass at all, and are guided by what they like doing or what they're used to doing. Basically shows us that things are binary (either fully accepting and flourishing in Era 3 or completely against it) but is instead a spectrum, and that some Gems will try to be better when shows the way and others won't see the point. This one is like Bluebird, it's for us rather than the plot itself. Also, personal opinion here: This episode in combination with Bluebird probably hurt Steven because he was forced to face the reality that not all Gems can be talked into redemption.

Little Graduation - Again, the plot doesn't come out of nowhere, but moving on. Steven's whole life was based on helping others and when he wasn't helping others, he had his friends to hangout with. Steven is VERY emotionally attached to Sadie and Lars, and the fact that both of them are leaving as a result of his actions (Sadie became a popular musician and found her partner because Steven helped her become successful and Lars is only with the Off Colors because of Steven and is only as powerful as he is because Steven revived him) must have hurt Steven really bad. So he is without a way to distract or cope with the pain and starts feeling helpless, which feeds into the desperation to help others more and more. This episode also was very obvioulsy showing that Steven has abandonment issues and that he's becoming severely depressed and that no one bothered to check up on him because everyone is so used to Steven being the therapist friend.

Prickly Pair - I honestly don't understand how your takeaway was "Nothing happens". Steven tries to find something to busy himself with, it goes horribly wrong because of his powers and his trauma and everything he's been bottling up is being exposed, so he tries to quiet down the cactus monster and repress it, but it keeps growing and growing. The cactus monster is clearly a metaphor for his trauma, and when the Crystal Gems see it, Steven is distressed, which leads to him feeling the need to close himself off even more AKA he denies everything to the Crystal Gems.

In Dreams - Mostly filler, yeah. Though you can tell in the very clips you show in the video, that Steven is VERY uncomfortable with his nightmares AKA symptoms of his PTSD are freely available to anyone AGAIN, because at this point he's dedicated to bottling things up and keeping up the facade that everything is okay.

Bismuth Casual - For plot reasons, it sets up that the only support system that Steven has left is Connie. As you said, it is VERY clear that sh*t is about to hit the fan. Everything else is just closure for fans, especially with the Bismuth/Pearl romantic implications.

Together Forever - Steven feels incomplete without Connie because being with her is the only way to deal with his trauma. Thanks to Garnet's wedding, Steven probably made the association that the way he feels about Connie is how Ruby and Sapphire feel about each other, and so his perspective on marriage is incredibly distorted and different to Connies, who did the best she could to reassure Steven. Needless to say, Steven's feelings have been trampled so much just in SUF that this soft rejection still hurt a lot.

Growing Pains - I disagree with you on SO many levels about how Steven's Gem powers acting up looks stupid and can't be takes seriously. Some of Steven's first traumatic experiences was exactly this, loosing control over his body because he couldn't control his powers (aging uncontrollably and nearly becoming a cat monster). Also, as I will explain later and have already explained, not only is Steven's PTSD evident from pretty much the start of SUF, but it's also brought up multiple times later, it's just not outright stated like "Oh no, Steven's PTSD is acting up", you're just meant to know that and piece things together on your own.

Mr. Universe - Yeah. Greg didn't know how to act and thought positive affirmations would help. Other than that, I agree, he failed miserably at comforting Steven, though he can't be ACTUALLY blamed for it because he never had the chance to REALLY mature as an adult (he dropped out of school early) and Steven's issues require actual professional help.

Fragments - I figured on my own that it wasn't actually that long of a time skip, since Steven's been known to shapeshift into different aged versions of himself. Other than that, Steven went to a last resort, someone who he knew to be stoic and strong, after feeling weak. Jasper is the prime example of a bad influence, indulging Steven's anger and influencing him to become violent. Steven then looses control and shatters Jasper. Can you guess what this means? That's right! Your favorite pacifist has just gone against one of his core moral codes. I'm sure that won't worsen his mental state nor add to his rapidly growing list of traumatic experiences :D. ALSO, your whole talk about how "There's no going back" when a Gem is shattered makes me think that you haven't been paying attention to SU at all. The Cluster is a bunch of Gem fragments, and each still hold a piece of the gem they once were. And if it's possible to revive living beings like Lion and Lars, it's not exactly unexpected that Jasper would get the revival treatment as well. And by the way "Why did he shave?" he literally didn't. In S1 Steven aged into an old man with a giant beard and once he regressed back to his normal age the beard disappeared.

Homeworld Bound - Yeah... I agree with you on everything you said.

Everything's Fine - So... The beggining is Steven spiralling down and everyone FINALLY starts to notice that something is off. This then culminates on Steven going into a vent where he keeps putting himself down, making himself responsible for everything that happened to him. This is an actual thing with PTSD, speaking from experience, both mine and from others, "How could I be so stupid? I should've known. I'm a fraud." etc etc.

I Am My Monster - Literally everyone who could feel responsible for Steven's pain starts to feel guilty because Connie's right, it IS their fault. They're faced with the, from their POV, unbelievable reality that Steven was hurting (excluding Greg and the Crystal Gems, who caught on earlier but couldn't do shit about it because Steven shut them out). Everyone is so used to Steven helping them with their feelings that they don't know how to help him. Also, about White, feeling sorry about what you've done wrong is the first step towards bettering yourself. I don't understand people's obsession with critiquing that. For White, Gems were inconsequential and emotionless robots who were to be thrown out and repurposed when faulty. Biological life was a fuel for their evolution. As soon as she realized that her worldview was wrong, she tried to change. An admission of guilt and a continous attempt and helping others and bettering herself is better redemption and growth than what I've seen from real world people. Lastly, the "group hug" isn't JUST a group hug. It's a sign of affection. It tells Steven "We all love you. We all care about you. We are here for you. You are NOT a monster.". Steven was surrounded with so much care and affection that it helped him come down from that mental state.

The Future - It is EXPLICITLY said in the episode that Steven has been seeing a therapist. I don't know what else you need as to "how he got better". It wasn't all magically resolved, he actually went and got the proper professional medical help he needed. And Steven feeling a bit upset that the Crystal Gems didn't act even a bit sad is obvioulsy because he feels like he won't be missed. Also Greg saying he's "allowed to have feelings, even petty ones" is correct and healthy. You're allowed to feel your feelings, your actions based on those feelings are what may or may now be valid. Also, the whole thing with Steven doing things to get a reaction out of the Crystal Gems and them staying strong isn't "wasting time", none of this episode was wasting time. It was about emotional closure. The Crystal Gems and Steven burting into tears at the end was a very emotional scene and very much needed and well placed and written.

In conclusion, while I mean no hate to you, I think all this hate comes down to a few possible factors, maybe one of them, all of them, or a combination of them:

- You're not very knowledgeable with mental health

- You're really not the type of person who likes emotional story telling and thinks a plot has to be driven by an antagonist or villain and anything that doesn't flow like that is wrong, boring and/or makes no sense

- You didn't really care nor pay attention to the series as a whole

- You lack a capacity to interpret media beyond was is directly upfront and in your face

These are just a few assumptions and how it looks and feels from this video. Ultimately, I'm not trying to start a debate nor offend you, but this show is my comfort show and my favorite part in all of SU, so I felt the need to spend over an hour writing this essay that you proabably won't even read but oh well, it's the thought that counts.

-----

Anyways sorry everyone for the super long post buuuuuut I worked too hard on this and it's 4:30 am so fuck it

[pumpkinpuffgirls]

So here we finally have my interpretation of Bliss! Including a bonus artwork redone from that Bliss Promotional poster way back when.

All Ideas and notes about the character below

New Backstory Concept

Right now my idea for Bliss is that she wasn't made ith some other silly chemical. Like Bunny originally, it took a very careful (accidental) amount of each ingredient to get the girls. Bliss was the first attempt. But her powers were way too out of control and she was unstable.But the Professor wouldn't give up on one of his children. So he put Bliss is stasis and kept her secret after the main girls were created due to the kind of emotional and superpowered complications that would bring. Though Bliss is very aware of her sisters, and understands why she can't see them, not until she's better. All this time the Professor has been trying new things to help keep Bliss stable which he's learned from raising Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. When he feels he has a breakthrough, he let's Bliss out to test the progress. Though so far it's all ended with failure, with the biggest incidents being able to be blamed on other factors (Monster attack, the other villains, etc). With the Comic I'm gonna write, leading into a Bunny Revival event. Professor finally reveals Bliss still in Stasis to the girls, feeling he will finally has what he needs so Bliss can finally live her life in safety in comfort and meet her sisters. All seems well at first. However any kind of sign of things going wrong makes Bliss anxious, and the moment her powers go a little wacky she panics. Terrified that she'll have to go into stasis again after so long, and flies off. Stuff happens, and the Professor apologizes profusely for how much Bliss has gone through, saying that he failed her as a father for not being able to let her grow up with the others. Letting things get this bad. Sapna (A PPG 2016 character whom a friend is gonna be re-designing) reassures the professor that he only did what he thought was best. Bliss' own powers were a danger to even herself, and that they'll be able to find the final piece to helping Bliss Stabilize. There's probably some villain interference. Most likely Him. Trying to sway Bliss to the dark side. But she's saved with the help of her sisters, allowing Bliss to realize the full potential of her powers. As feeling joy allows her to be at her most powerful and there's no greater joy than a loving, supportive family.

Ability and Character Notes

Powers are heavily connected to her emotions, and are at their strongest when she feels immense joy. But unstable when she feel stressed or anxious. So she tends to feel things in extremes, making her moody. 

Going to Therapy to help work through her emotional instability. At her best she is a bright beam of sunshine. At her worst she’s reclusive.

(Probably on the Spectrum) 

Beautiful Singing Voice, loves to sing when she's happy. 

Socially Awkward due to years of isolation, tries very hard to fit in. Intelligent but Naive, has a lot of catching up to do.

Additional Thoughts

So when redesigning Bliss I went with her name first. Bliss means “great joy” and you don’t really get a feel for that with her old design. Each girl has a meaning to her name when you think about it. Even Bunny. So Bliss’ name should reflect her personality and design. So this is why her color was changed to Yellow and her hair Purple to reflect the concept of joy.

Instead of a heart clip on her headband, I made that odd Cowlick she has heart-shaped instead! A way to add something to the space above her head without conflicting with the rest of the design. 

Her powers being connected to her emotions continues on the “Bliss” theming. Since Bliss is an extreme emotion, I decided that aside from the other standard PPG powers that her emotions are a large part in her stability. Giving her something to overcome with time, but something that can be related to. After all, a lot of people go through times in their life, especially as an adolescent or a teen, where they feel out of control with their emotions, deal with mental illness, or are discovering themselves. It feels like a way to wrap all those ideas together in a nice little bow with how Bliss is supposed to a long lost, troubled older sister who still means well.

[changeling-rin]

Gerudo here. (I guess that's kinda my intro thing.) I have an AU that puts Lux, Rune, Lyric, Emerald, Ruby, and Sapphire all on Codex's team and also makes Ocarina awesome because that boy does not get enough love. (People, he's nine. Nine! Why does this boy get overlooked just because he's only older than Speck in appearance physically and a few months mentally?!) Then again, I kinda put him Through Some Stuff in this AU. So I'm not innocent, but still! I call for an Ocarina Protection Squad! Who's interested?!

Right, the AU. So this came from "how would everyone else be added in". Then I decided that after Demise had nearly destroyed the entire timeline, a new timeline was very, very slowly peeling off, starting at the moment Demise first appears in Gen's era and finally separating completely in RGBV's, the latest point at which Demise's influence was present. This timeline is the origin of Lyric, Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire, Lux, and Rune, in that order, while the original eventually became Codex's era. But part of reality was missing from this world, so in response the universe did the equivalent of sighing, and the 'air' it 'blew' out was an influx of magic to replace the reality lost to Demise.

But this doesn't take full effect until the first Calamity, 10k years before Breath of the Wild. Also as a side effect, Everyone Gets Superpowers. Like Seriously.

The Important List of Superpowers goes thusly:

Lyric: Music magic. When he dances, the music he dances to will begin affecting the surrounding area, and people. The exact effect varies based on the type of music, instruments, tempo, how the instruments interact with each other, and all of that is before the actual song and notes. Lyric has no control over this. He's just dancing and making stuff happen. This is why this specifically was his curse.

Emerald: Paint. He can do the paint on the wall, but Emerald's version of the curse is turning things into paint and back. He has a jar that's bigger on the inside and really hard to break, and that's where he stores all of the important items because only he can reform them.

Ruby: Ironically? Ice powers. The full ice power spectrum; form it, move it, use it, break it. He doesn't use his magic as much as other people though, because Ruby feels that the ice is just plain wrong (which happens sometimes). The ice came from when his entire life went up in fire around the time his magic settled in, so against the fire, ice.

Sapphire: Empathy. Like, can-see-your-emotions kind of empathy. Sapphire can sense other people's emotions with his normal senses. This can be extremely overwhelming for him, especially at a festival or other emotional gathering with a large number of people. It can be any of the five senses, which is really weird because Ruby's emotions are tasted and it's kinda awkward when they're eating and a stray thought makes Ruby mad and then Sapphire tastes it.

Lux: Light. Basically Lux can summon and disperse/absorb light. Not light magic, just light. He can make illusions, and decide who can see in a dark cave, but he can also weaponize the light. He can make flashbombs, but they won't bang because he can't make the sound. He once blinded a guy using this ability.

Rune: An entire story all on its own. It used to be his Quicktime, but then he fell in the Calamity, and the Shrine of Resurrection just sort of plugged him into the magic floating around the world, so now Rune is an entire node of power all on his own. This is what happened with his amnesia; his memories dispersed in the magic field, so he has to find the magic nodes to get his memories back. He never finds it all, but decides that that's okay.

By the way, the Champions are still special. Their magic comes from them; everyone else interacts with the magic around them. This is an important distinction in the story and why they specifically were chosen.

Now about Ocarina. The barrier between the magic world and the world DL takes place in is a kind of empty space where two worlds are trying to tear apart. There are string-like constructs of pure reality still connecting the two. It's called The Fray. Someone had to go investigate, so after a bit of an argument Ocarina ended up going. A lot happens.

He meets Lux and Rune, directly causes them to meet each other, ends up dancing with Lyric, finds Sapphire when he was kidnapped so Emerald and Ruby would give Ocarina his stuff back, has a Discussion with Octavo about proper use of magic and music, meets a version of Mask where DL never happened (slight panic for Ocarina), meets a future Wind who already knows everything that's about to go down, is made to help Botw!Zelda make sure history texts are not wrong, is made to be Ruby's dress up doll (concensus: Ocarina is cute if you dress him right), gets tired of Cia, stabs Cia, makes a note not to tell Shadow about Cia copying him, and becomes the Hero who sealed the Calamity the first time around. Not necessarily in that order. In the process of that last one, the Ocarina of Time breaks and the magic ends up on Ocarina-the-Link's hands because magic and stuff happening with magic. So yeah.

Then the mess with Codex happens. That is a whole other thing. I'll wait until you get to this, do you want to hear about Codex? Also this is now the Fray of Time AU. I might write it. One day. I got two other huge projects on my plate, plus a Reverse AU. Oh, and Ocarina Protection Squad! We must! Yes I get the irony.

So, what I was wondering. One, do you actually like hearing about my AUs because I send a lot and they're weird and random and I want to know if they're appreciated. Two, when Ocarina shows back up with the other Links he knows after going through All That and he tells them about it, what are their reactions? Specifically Mask, Wind and Sketch (bit the others too)? Three, what do you think? Four, can we have an Ocarina protection squad role on Discord?

Yes I'm done now (passes the mic).

One: I do like hearing about people's AU's, though I don't believe I'm necessarily qualified to comment on them!

Two: Mask is now extremely concerned about the timeline, because he remembers none of this and now suspects that Ocarina might have just landed himself in a branching reality? Which is... problematic, at best. Wind apparently needs to remember all of this? To complete the loop? Yeah okay just uh... let him grab a notebook. Sketch does not understand any of what this is, but he's a good sibling and also apparently a participant three times over? Maybe? So he'll listen as much as he can! Everyone else is equal parts baffled, concerned, and fascinated, because it sounds like an adventure. But also. Is Ocarina okay???

Three: I like the idea of taste empathy, it's rather unique. The AU in general seems thoroughly thought-out; I'm amused that you beelined straight for the sequel and OC Links (and also Ocarina). I'm wondering where Codex comes in though? You mentioned his 'team' in the first paragraph and then I don't think he ever shows up again

Four: you're welcome to petition for it, see how many people are interested

[the-ghost-king]

Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

[unpredictably-ghostly]

hello and welcome to: not-technically-but-sort-of-liveblogging CHRYSALIS! made by @agentredfort link to game here

warning: definitely a long post

-  cool music! i like how this is set up

- FROGHORN?? SIR???????

-  my heart stopped reading “one casualty unavoidable”. oh no.

- froghorn wtf?? i don’t want to kill you???

- the fucking SIRENS HELP OH GOD

- i chose froghorn. the way the sirens just cut off- leaving you with a black screen and silence for a second. that’s such good design but also!! agony!!

- FUCK ANOTHER CASUALTY NO

- OH NOT A FAN OF THIS CHRIST

- HHHHHHHHH I TRSUT LB SORRY BUZZ

- ANOTHER ONE  (another one bites the dust and another one gone and another one gone)

- the way hitch and lb were talking, fighting to save each other and then trying to end on a good note no matter what 

(i picked to kill froghorn, buzz, hitch this round i will be playing again with other choices if i have to emotional stability to replay)

- oh shit. oh my god. lb. you set the fire? you killed these people? did- did not see that coming.

- IM SO INTRIGUED but god DAMN what a painful story

- playing through again bc got to solve the mystery! but holy shit these are still such emotionally taxing choices

Round Two: (froghorn, hitch)

- i killed hitch even though lb directly told me not to this is the WORST FEELING, i really really don’t want to see what she’ll say

- hh guess im doing a buzz route! i know she’s the mole but then she’s got to know something??

- can’t believe i’ll have to leave everyone the last one standing to get to the true end my heart can’t take it

- WAIT TWO CASUALTIES WHAT THAT’S NEW

- has lb done something?? to ensure buzz can’t survive??

- they just both died. fuck.

Round Three: (froghorn, buzz, lb)

- just hitch and lb again, will save hitch this time. 

- TURNS OUT KILLING LB ALSO FEELS TERRIBLE

- “your full name in art hitchen zachary? that’s a stupid name.” even in such horrible horrible circumstances i love their dynamic

Round ??: (hitch, froghorn, buzz)

- i know what i have to do but i dont know if i have the strength to do it (i’ve reached the point where in order to get new routes i have to kill hitch first and i really really really do NOT want to do that)

- i procrastinated. like i just left the room for a moment. still don’t want to do it

- tried to click it but went back to this tab to procrastinate more AUGH

- i killed him (i am suffering) why is froghorn still covering for lb though??

- how did he KNOW HER NAME

- lb saying “why should we live when hitch and miles had to die?”  has broken me. she knew she and buzz were both guilty- her setting the fire/murdering spectrum 4 agents, buzz being the mole, but in the end the two innocent people died first.

Round ??? (hitch, lb, froghorn)

- HOW DOES FROGHORN KNOW LB’S AND BUZZ’S NAMES??

- oh god get froghorn some immediate help? stop demanding ruby kill you,  please you do deserve to live!

- the TIMING OF THE CHAT LOCK DOWN AHHHH

- god im so sorry froghorn

- THERE’S A FUCKING TIME MACHINE IN THE BASEMENT

Final Round:

- last one left. froghorn’s turn. what a ride, holy shit.

- “i’ve been here before. five times i think.” oh god. 

- “i just wanted to die.” FROGHORN 

- “nothing ever works. i’m so tired.” im so close to genuinely crying this is awful 

Actually The Final Round: TRUTH

- people remember?? 

- NO CASUALTIES EXPECTED YES

- “SAVE THEM” YES IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- ok i know plot stuff is going down but im so ridiculously happy about getting to choose “SAVE THEM” multiple times

- lb WHY ARE YOU AT THE CHRYSALIS ENTRANCE

- another timeline where everyone survived??

- bradley baker?

- oh lb

- true end has been reached. 

[softluci]

trendy [hcs]

someone (@yourlocalsinnamonroll​ hi again!) sent me a request a Long time ago asking me to do more gen z headcanons, and i have been working on this on and off for Months. this is something that i’ve had on my mind for a long time, and it most definitely can be associated with/attributed to gen z. 

this isn’t sfw so Minors DNI, but for a fleeting, wonderful period of time, there was a trend on tiktok that went, “buss it, buss it…” are you familiar? that should be enough of a summary, right?

anyway, once again, for my peace of mind, minors dni, and reader is g/n as usual, enjoy!

[a/n: so because this is so long, this part is going to be, like, the actual headcanons, and then the backstory i have for this will be right here]

lucifer

“intrigued,” would be the best word to describe how he was feeling. it didn’t cover the full spectrum of emotions that washed over him, but it was definitely a start. he started forming coherent thoughts after the fifth loop, but that's his business🤨

for one, he was upset. you mean to tell him that you could dance like this the entire time, and you—first of all, you never offered to do it for him, or on him, and you know his obsession for you would increase tenfold he has an appreciation for dancing of any and all kinds. you were depriving him, and for what reason, exactly? have you never been acquainted with shame before? 

second of all, not only were you keeping this crucial information from him, but you told everyone, at the same time. why can't he ever have anything for himself? he should relax— it's not too big of a deal, he's not too hurt because he'd have you to himself soon enough.

well, really, right now. he is suddenly in dire need of entertainment, you understand. he just called you to tell you to come to his room, and he would be a liar if he said he didn’t like how nervous you sounded. 

mammon

can everyone, like, get out of hell for a few minutes? he needs to be alone. the video is on its nth loop. he's laying face down on his bed, trying to recover from the siege you just put him under—how dare you?

you're supposed to be his—his cinnamon apple, his human, his everything—and you sent this to the group chat? is nothing sacred? is nothing in this world for him alone? what is wrong with you, genuinely? most importantly, why haven’t you ever even offered to dance with him? 

really, he's hurt. betrayal of this magnitude is bound to sting, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. 

now, the pain of your treason aside, that was very easily the best thing he’s seen in a decade. before he collapsed face-first onto his bed, he was watching very intently, for at least two full minutes. he was actually so invested that questions didn’t form in his mind until, like, the tenth loop—but that was neither here nor there. now that he was recovering from the bomb you dropped, he had half a mind to go to your room and interrogate you among other things. 

unfortunately for you, he really only operates with half of his mind anyway, so he was already out the door. however, you have nothing to be afraid of. as we know, mammon is a man easily crumbled. all you have to do to disarm him is ask him if he liked it.

levi 

he knew. 

he didn’t know, like, exactly what was going to happen after he helped you trick out your d.d.d, but he knew it was gonna be fucking Something. 

he didn't even get through the video, actually—the beat dropped, so did you, and, suddenly,  his phone was across the room. his face was a deep crimson, and his thoughts were barely coherent, but he was already out of his bedroom.

simply put, he knew his brothers. he knew at least two of them would be on their way to you soon enough, but they wouldn't get there before him. he knew what he was going to do before his thoughts were fully formed. he'd get there, he'd bring you back to his room, he'd hide out with you in one of his cursed games—he would help you. if the two of you went slow enough playing it, everyone would have calmed down by the time you got back, right? right. 

was he being a bit dramatic? of course not! you would be safest with him, tucked away from his brothers until he was certain they wouldn't try anything. you know them, you know how they get, right? he'd never do anything like that unless you wanted him to. you are his best friend, and, really, he owes you this safety. this is at least twelve percent his fault. 

satan 

oh. oh, wow.

now, how many times did he watch that video? he doesn't know, he wasn't counting. he wouldn't tell you even if he was. he needs to maintain some kind of dignity here—not that there was anything undignified about being attracted to you, of course. it was just, well, you know—he was better than his brothers. 

in general, not when it came to you, but, even still. he's at a level of self control that they can't even conceive. now, have you been slowly, but surely, ebbing away at his centuries of hard work? yes. did this video put something of a dent in his poise? yes. 

but, in all honesty, it was fine. satan was smarter than all of his brothers, more patient—you know, better. he knew exactly how he would go about this. 

he wouldn't talk to you about this tonight, tomorrow, or the next day. he would play a waiting game, lure you into a false sense of security—and then, when you think you can trust him, when you think he's forgotten or just wants to show you mercy—then. he would come for you then. just wait for him.

asmo

miffed. he was miffed. like, arms crossed, tapping his foot on the floor, shaking his head—miffed.  once he was done staring at his screen for five minutes, he had about seven bones to pick with you. 

first of all, why didn't you come to him if you wanted to do your makeup and pick an outfit to film in? he's not saying you looked bad—believe him, he was staring for a reason—but you would've looked so much better if you let him style you. second of all, you had the absolute gall to make something like this and not invite him to join you? you're a villain. no, really—

but what really got him—what really drove him up a wall—was the fact that you never even hinted at the fact that you could dance like that. why did you keep such crucial information from him? he wasn’t even gonna think about the fact that you had yet to do it on him, it would be too much for him to process at once—your audacity would become palpable. he should really calm down, getting this upset is bad for his skin. 

now that he’s thinking about it, you were wearing a full face of makeup. it hasn’t been that long since you sent the video, you’re probably still wearing it, right? well, he wouldn’t be a good friend if he didn’t help you take it off! he knows he was a bit peeved a few minutes ago, but, well, that was a few minutes ago! now, as he reflected on his initial reaction to your video, he was in a forgiving mood. he was already on his way to your room to help you with undressing unwinding, and, admittedly, to tease you a little a lot—he thinks you’re cute when you’re flustered. 

beel 

he was more confused than anything, honestly. he wasn’t feeling jealous or betrayed like his brothers, nor was he feeling possessive at all. he was just confused, for a few reasons. 

first was the fact that everyone in the group chat was yelling at him. all he did was send an emoji of a fork and a knife, and everyone was on his ass all of a sudden, like he was the one who sent the video. he was the only person with their priorities straight, and there was lucifer, trying to scold him via text message, which only furthered his confusion. he was an adult, and he was fully allowed to have an appreciation for the finer things in life, up to and including your dancing skills. 

he was careful to relay his message in a private chat, not thinking too much of it. he would’ve given anything to see your reaction, but he wasn’t cruel enough to go to your room minutes after you sent it. he could easily do it tomorrow. 

this, of course, brings him to his second point of confusion. he really doesn’t get why you decided to do this on camera instead of on his face on top of him, but, like, to each their own. he’s content with the fact that he even got to see it, but he feels like he should still let you know the offer is there. 

belphie

first of all, you're already here, but for the sake of malice—go to hell. he was about to go to sleep, you absolute heathen. second of all, because he lost time he could've spent sleeping, you're going to have to take some responsibility and atone—immediately. he had a (correct) feeling that you wouldn’t be willing to come up to the attic, and he wasn’t willing to compensate for that by going to your room. 

this was, while a bit annoying, perfectly fine. it was late, it was a school night, you were undoubtedly going to sleep within the next hour or two. he would know once you did, such is the nature of the avatar of sloth, and then, he would pay you a visit while you were dreaming. nothing to be nervous about, don’t worry, he just had a few questions. 

the first question being, why, exactly, didn’t you just unsend the video when it was so clearly sent on accident? that’s not to say he didn’t enjoy watching it repeatedly, but he was quite curious. whatever—it’s not like everyone is going to know it was an accident, anyway, and he’s glad no one told you about that messaging feature. he uses it on lucifer all the time, but that is neither here nor there. 

the second question being, now, given that it is so clear that he is a bottom, why did you never—

[secret-rendezvous1d]

first of all i miss you second of all IMAGINE SPENCER GIVING HINTS THAT HE LIKES HER and she doesn’t get it so he gets irritated and just spills it out to her one day

I’ve missed being here and writing for Spence! Being ill sucks-

It starts with coffee.

A medium black coffee from the coffee house that she took him to one morning on their way to work, with the tiniest dash of milk and one and a half spoonfuls of sugar, making it milky enough for her and sweet enough to suffice that sweet tooth. Just the way she liked it. Left steaming on her desk, beside the mesh pot full of her coloured pens and highlighters, on a resin coaster that Garcia brought her from London when she went to visit Emily overseas. 

It then became gentleman behaviour.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t already treat her with a whole load of respect. It just became a lot more amplified. He allowed her to leave the office first so he could follow in suit, he allowed her to enter the elevator first and held the door open so it didn’t close on her, he let her step foot on the jet before him and he offered to get her a cup of coffee or a bowl of nuts when he got up to roam the cabin during the flight. He opened the car door for her, he made sure she was happy and comfortable in her hotel room before he left her alone, he made sure that she was okay with him hugging her goodbye or kissing her cheek or squeezing her hand reassuringly. 

Sweet gestures came next.

He gave her his blanket when he saw the occasional shiver run up and down her spine and jerk her body, he gave her the pillow he was leaning upon when he saw how she struggled to keep her eyes open on a flight back home, he gave her his jacket when they were working in the field and the wind bit at her skin, her gave her the comfiest chair in the roundtable room and made sure to pack her favourite snacks for a flight that was long and lengthy.

And as much as he loved to show his adoration and affection towards her, there was a sense of frustration because he thought she was blindsided to what he was trying to tell her... why wasn’t she taking the hints? 

However, all he could think about was that she knew about his feelings and she knew how strong they were towards her yet she had no reason to take them on board because she assumed he was just being his usual friendly self. Because she had no feelings, herself, to go off of.

“Am I not doing enough?”

He startles her. She was stood by herself in the roundtable room, staring at the whiteboard full of suspects they assumed were the master planner and victims that were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, with her mind racing and digging for anything they could have missed. Jumping in her spot at the rather sudden presence of someone she wasn’t expecting.

“We’re all doing as best as we can, Spence.”

“No,” he scoffs out a laugh and shakes his head from side to side, starting at the ground, his fringe brushing over his forehead with each swooshing move of his head, “am I not doing enough to prove to you how much you mean to me?”

“I-”

She swallows thickly and looks at the papers in her hands; anywhere was better than looking him dead in the eye and crime scene photos were a pass for that. His gaze burned into her, his breathing so deep and she had to second guess herself to make sure she was still breathing, her cheeks flushing the brightest and the warmest pink.

“Spence, I-”

“Have I made myself out to be an idiot or something? I know relationships really aren’t my strongest aspect but cut me some slack here,” his voice sounds stern and serious and she’d expecting a fact or a statistic to come out of his mouth to loosen the tension that suddenly swallowed the entire room... if he threw out a stat, she knew he wasn’t as mad as his face lead her to believe, “I’m trying my best to prove to you that I like you. I brought you coffee, I let you have my jacket and the jet’s blanket and I brought you your favourite snacks and-”

“I didn’t know what to do,” she interrupts, gulping heavily as she felt a lump in her throat. It wasn’t that she wanted to cry... oh, no. It was the other end of the spectrum. She felt nervous because Spencer Reid, the resident genius of the team of liked things a specific way and never let his feelings nor his emotions get the better of him, liked her and wanted her when he could have someone so much smarter and better and cleverer than her. “Spence, I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Why? Because liking me was too embarrassing?”

“No,” she blurts out, her head snapping up to look at her, “absolutely not.”

“Then why?”

He walks towards her and his shoulders are less tense, his face was loose and it didn’t hold pinched features that showed her his frustration, his breathing was much shallower and softer and, as he sat on the table’s edge and reached out his hands to hold hers, she felt a wash of relief run through her.

“Spencer,” she takes a shaky breath and his fingers are tight when he squeezes her own, “Spencer, I didn’t want to believe it. I just didn’t. I’m not really someone special. I’m just a colleague who works on the same team as you. Who feels inspired by you. Maybe a little intimidated.”

“Intimidated?”

She shrugs, “you’re the smartest person I know, Spence. You could have a girl on that level, the same level as you, and I didn’t want to think that you liked me because I’m not smart or clever. I’m not someone who can hold a conversation for long, let alone a smart conversation, and-”

“You’re joking me?”

She hesitantly shakes her head and he laughs softly. Peeling her hands from hers, he cups her cheeks in his palms and forces her eyes to look at him, his own eyes holding an intimate stare with her.

“I don’t care about any of that. You’re the first person who made me feel normal and that the way I was never seemed to bother you or scared you off or made you feel inadequate to the job,” she smiles softly at him as he grins at her, “you make me feel really happy, I love coming into work and seeing you, I love being on a case with you and working alongside you. We work well as a team. We work well as friends. Why wouldn’t we work well when dating?”

She’s speechless; there were reasons but they were minor worries that weren’t even necessary to worry over.

“Let me take you out. Properly. There’s a tandoori down the road, it’s open all night, has the best chicken dishes you can get your mouth around,” she blushes pink again and his heart swells and warms in his chest, “what do you say? Forget my outburst. Forget me trying to woo you. Let me do it the proper way.” xx

[millers-planet]

The Vice and the Virtue - Part Two

Pairing: Helmut Zemo x GN!Reader (later established as F following more parts)

A/N: this isn’t my best work. i don’t entirely know where to take this series, ngl.

POV: Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Use of “Y/N”. Angst. Brief desc of gore.

Words: 2.1k

Description: How does one live a life of virtue when past vices begin arising after a successful jailbreak with untied ends?

part one

“Are you serious?” I can’t believe he’s doing this. The second he gets back, too. It makes me question the real value of me to him, if my presence is of any substantial worth. I know that he thinks higher of me, but right now I’m having a hard time believing that.

He sighed and looks back to me, away from him new buddies, “you know why I have to go. I already explained this.” By this point, he’s talking to me as if I am a child, and I am having none of it. 

“I know why you’re going and I get that, it’s not what I have a problem with. You aren’t letting me come with you.” I tried to take a step to him, but he backed away, really emphasizing my doubt. “Fine. You left once and didn’t come back for 5 plus years, I’m sorry I don’t want to sit here and wonder when you’re gonna be back again or wonder if I’m going to have to finally move on.” I really didn’t want to have to pull this card, especially in front of his friends, but I will be damned before he walks out that door without me. 

Zemo dropped his bags and closed the gap between us, putting his hands on cheeks, knowing it comforts me. “You’re right,” his voice got softer and more warm, “I didn’t think of it that way when I probably should of. I was only wrapped up in the possibility of you getting hurt.” He placed a small kiss on my forehead and nodded towards out bedroom, “you should go pack, and quickly.”

With a furrow of my eyebrows and pushing my lips into a frown, I snarkily replied, “you do realize I was listening to your conversations last night? I already have a bag packed.” With a quick rush, I grabbed my bag that was resting on the edge of the bed. 

As everyone was checking their rooms to make sure they grabbed everything, or clarifying one thing or another, Bucky walked up to me. “If you want, I can carry your bag for you, you keep adjusting your shoulder strap.” 

With a small smile, I handed him my bag. “Thank you, I really appreciate that.” For some reason, I was thinking previously that Bucky was a middle ground of Zemo and Sam, sarcastic and a little cold, but he seems really sweet. It makes me think that chivalry isn’t completely dead.

Taking a seat next to Zemo on the plane, with Bucky and Sam sitting across from us, the deafening engines began, only muffled as the door sealed itself shut. I don’t remember the last time I was on a plane, let alone on one with him. We used to go quite often on little vacations, dates, or getaways, but stopped once he got busy with ‘work’. Either way, it was nice to be back on one with him, despite the circumstances.

Sam and Bucky looked very uncomfortable, taken aback when people came and served us nearly whatever we wanted. Bucky gave me worried glances when people came up to him and asked him strange questions, to which I helped him out. Zemo and I, on the complete opposite spectrum, got right at home. 

A watched him pull out a small book inside another, one that I didn’t recognize. “I’m fascinated by this, I don’t know what to call it but this part seems to be important. Who is... Nakajima?” Before I could question anything, everything switched around. Sam was reaching out, Bucky was lashing forward, and Zemo had a hand around his throat. 

With a small mumble, Bucky spoke, “if you touch that again I’ll kill you,” and returned swiftly to his seat. Everything fell quiet and tense, with Zemo glaring at Bucky and him staring at the window, plus Sam just eyeing the two of them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to ignore the rest of the conversation.

All I heard were conversations about Steve, ice, and writing stuff down in the notebook. 

“I like 40′s music.” Bucky’s voice was irritated and drained of emotion.

That was, until, I chimed in with “what do you think about Sinatra?”

Bucky shrugged, “A little past my time. I was too busy being brainwashed to really get into him. Have you listened to anything by Nat King Cole?”

I instantly lit up, it was so nice being able to talk to someone about something light-hearted. “Only a few songs, but they were really good.”

“So, you didn’t like Marvin Gaye?”

“I liked it, Sam.” Bucky just responded emptily back to him

“It’s a masterpiece, James-” Zemo began shortly, until I interrupted

“-It’s complete, comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience.”

Same looked a the two of us. “He’s out of line, and she’s just smart, but they’re both right. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

Bucky kept the dead tone, “I already said I liked Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

From there, the three of them went on about Steve. I knew brief things about him but I was never caught up in the superhero world. All I understood was that his name was Steve Rogers and that he is Captain America, a super soldier, who was besties with Sam and Bucky.  Other than that, I didn’t really care about this Steve guy or the Avengers in general, it doesn’t sit right with me knowing the conflicts Zemo has had with them.

It was slightly cool out with the rain just about to pass through, along with the open bridge and river allowing for more cool air to travel. Changing out of a t-shirt and jeans into a thin-ass top with matching black thin-ass leggings made the air seem ten times as cold. 

I walked in between Sam and Zemo, wrapped up in his heavy coat and arm loosely wrapped around my waist. “Only an American would think a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp, you’re fitting in nicely with your alias,” Zemo’s hand dropped from me and handed his phone to Sam. “A sophisticated man nicknamed the Smiling Tiger.”

Sam just sighed. “He even has a bad nickname. But,” he looked closer at the phone, “he sure does look like me.” Zemo took the phone back and returned his arm around me. “Is that acid?”

“Madripoor.” His voice became clearer and dropped. “Whatever you do, we must stay in character, there is no margin for error, our lives depend on it. Over there is High Town, not a bad place if you want to visit. Low Town is the other way.”

“Let me guess, we don’t have any friends in High Town?” 

I stopped dead in my track as the car came forward. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Everyone turned to stare at me. “Look at that car, who the hell is sitting in the middle of the backseat, I know for damn sure it isn’t me.” I walked forward and sat in one of the window seats in the back as Zemo chuckled and got in the front.

Sam and Bucky exchanged nervous glances, until they began shoving each other like from the other day. As the back door opened, I raised my voice to them, “HEY! If you guys want to fight over middle seat, play rock, paper, scissors. I’m not gonna deal with the two of you bickering the whole time. Best out of three, on ‘shoot’.”

They mumbled the saying each time. First, Sam won. Second, Bucky. Third, Bucky again.

Sam groaned like a child, “Man! I hate this.”

I was hyper-aware of everything going on. Specifically, how many people were staring at me. It was just me with three other men going into a bar full of other men and few women. It’s suffice to say I was uncomfortable, especially since Zemo took his jacket back, so I couldn’t hide away into it. But the quiet mumbles of “is that the Winter Soldier?” put my mind slightly at ease.

The bartender looked taken aback by Sam’s approach. “I wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

Zemo entered quickly, “his plans changed. We have business to do... with Selby.”

“The usual?” Sam replied with a small nod, only to regret it--in his eyes--once everyone saw the eel come out. I had to cover my hands with my mouth to not gag as he took the shot, only for a disapproving look to follow from the bartender.

A hand was place on my shoulder and I instinctively turned around, Zemo following quickly. It was some strange man, “got word from on high, you ain’t welcome here.

“I have no business with the Power Broker. But, if he insists, he can come talk to me or...” he motion to Bucky, “bring Selby for a chat.” The man then took that as his cue to leave.

I turned around, back to the bar, and pushed myself closer to Zemo. “When can we get out of here? When can we meet Selby?”

“Soon,” he muttered, until a hand was placed on his shoulder this time, leading to a glance back to Bucky and a command in Russian.

Buckys metal hand met the stranger, throwing him into the ground. Other followed to him quickly, but the ‘Winter Soldier’ took them out without drop of sweat. Following a broken table and someone being kicked into it, another guy walked up next to us, which seemed like a problem until Zemo pushed him to Bucky, who took care of him. His metal arm wrapped around the throat of another, pushing him into the bar, the sound of guns cocking filling the silence.

“Selby will see you now.”

“You’re taller than I heard, Smiling Tiger,” Selby  slowly raised her eyes up to Sam, who kept his face stiff and only spared her a look for a second. She rolled her tongue and focused herself onto me, as I stood behind Zemo’s chair. “You, I don’t think I’ve seen or heard of you. Come here! Take a seat,” she patted the oddly patterned couch as smiled crookedly up at me. As soon as I sat down she pulled me close and let my hair fall into her hand, “I don’t know how he got you to on his hip, what does he pay you?” Her voice was just a loud enough whisper to let everyone interpret, intentionally.

Zemo cleared his throat and stood up, “perhaps we should get back to the deal. I will give you the Winter Soldier,” he motioned to Bucky who kept his face straight, “along with the words to operate him, of course. Only, if you give me information I desire.”

She laughed and let me go, “that’s the Zemo I remember, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right.” Selby shifted more to him and let her head fall into her hand. “The serum is in Madripoor, with Doctor Nagel you can thank or condemn. He was making it for the Power Broker until things didn’t go as planned.”

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” 

“Aww,” she stood up and slowly inched her way toward Zemo. “The bread crumbs you can have for free but the bakery is going to cost you, Baron. And don’t think you can find Nagel without me, either.” Selby opened her mouth to speak, until a phone buzzing interrupted her.

Everyone’s face dropped, except for Selby, who’s lit up with excitement. “Go on, answer it... on speaker.” Zemo’s eyes met mine, when he carefully mouthed, “it’ll be fine.”

“Hello?” Sam forced himself cool, maintaining a flat voice.

“Hey so this situation has got me thinking, about the boat and the bank.” It was a feminine voice on the other end of the phone.

“Ah, the bank.. we laundered so much money.” He glanced around and was clearly anxious by this point. “Yeah, they’ll come around.”

“If that was the case, then why’d they dog you out Big Time?” Sam’s face dropped to the cool look again, realizing the other person caught onto the gig, until the phone erupted with, “hey! What did I say about those Cheerios? Sam, I’ll call you back.”

Selby furrowed her eyebrows together and glanced around the room. “Who is Sam? Kill them-” her sentence ended as a bullet puncture through her and body collapsed on the floor. The two standing men were taken out by Bucky and Sam, as Zemo ran to me. 

My hand flew over my mouth as I stared at the body. “Is she? She was just-” I quickly started hyperventilating, it was so sudden and I’ve never watched someone die before. “Zemo, she’s dead, oh my god.”

He pulled me into his chest and stood me up, hold me tightly and leading us toward the door. “It will be alright, just focus on me.” He stopped and looked around the room, trying to figure out the plan. “Leave your weapons and follow my lead, we have a real problem now.”

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