#he’s going to think he’s hallucinating charlie

[chenouttachen]

starting to get concerned about the amount of blunt force trauma to the head babe is amassing

[deadghosy]

HEADCANNONS OF HAZBIN HOTEL CREW WITH CATNAP! READER

Prompt: you are a resident in the hotel who makes sure people sleep. No one gets out of your grasp of not sleeping.

Warning: you aren’t an experiment, you died to og catnap’s smoke as you coughed going to hell. Also this might be long based on how your reading speed is.

I headcannon you to always walk around at night around the hotel making sure the hotel cast sleeps as you don’t sleep much either.

“I ensure you my friend I don’t need-" immediately Alastor passes out on the ground as the red smoke exit your mouth as you soullessly stare at the powerful man’s body with your creepy smile.

You don’t give a fuck- you are quite ruthless when putting someone to sleep. You had a smug teeth smile as you dragged Alastor by his leg to his room.

Angel was hiding in the hallway scared as red smoke covers the halls. “Shit…” he says as he eyes your tall figure walkby around the other side of the hall as your red smoke exiting your mouth follows

He was absolutely fucked. Angel tried to turn to run only to bump into purple fur as he holds himself at your chest. He blushes seeing your smug smile down at him.

Before he could protest the red smoke hits his face as your wrap your tail around his waist. How did you get so damn quick beside him?! You put him on your shoulder as you walked to his room to lay him down.

No one knows…..

Now when it’s morning time, you aren’t out as usual. Only at night time as you are use to being up at night helping other sleep. It’s part of your purpose and role as you even have a moon 🌙 pendent on your collar.

Hell, Angel is the most closest to you because he has rough times sleeping after working. He wouldn’t tell you what he does but all you know. He is physically and mentally tired from his job as you hold him in your soft arm as you let out red smoke from your mouth.

Your fur smelling like vanilla and lavender helps him sleep as he cuddles into your soft purple fur as you watch tv with a bored expression. Your ear twitches as Angel snores loudly.

Your red smoke is the only smoke he likes that is red.

Charlie found you at her door of the hotel and questioned you to why you wanted to work here. And what did you say.

“I want to help people sleep…” you said with a raspy deep voice as you smirked at Charlie who seemed a little unsure at your smirk as it seemed full of confidence and sinster. But she liked your determination as she hired you.

Of course I headcannon catnap’s fur and so as yours to smell like lavender to match the soft smell of sleeping to help residents sleep better than they ever have.

I also headcannon you have claws that can be retract like a cat. You usually use your claws/nail to cut something for the crew, or to protect from demons or sinner trying to harm the hazbin hotel.

CREW HEADCANNONS!

I headcannon husk walking to you grumbling drunk as he drops on your body without you even needing to use your smoke on him. Honestly you patted him as you both were cats. You both purr in each other presences. Angel and Charlie recorded the moment to save for their whole life.

I headcannon after Lucifer moved in the hotel. He was definitely scared if you because of your endless wide ass gaping smile. But after you actually showed you can stop smiling like that. He stopped having nightmares of you🦆. Poor little duck man had to hold his covers hearing your big ass steps around the halls.

I headcannon Angel and you sometimes compete trying to see who’s chest fluff is most fluffy.

…and you won💀

Literally what did he think when a 8ft tall cat creature who can make you pass out and hallucinate things have much more softer fur than him.

I headcannon Nifty one time tried to make you take a bath, but dead ass you blow the smoke in her face as she face planted on your paw. You laid her on the couch as you walked upstairs to go to bed on your own.

I headcannon that Charlie sometimes tries to make you sleep with the other residents rather than you forcing others to sleep. It didn’t work out well as you stilled stayed up to knock people out.

Lucifer one time tried to talk to you…but he couldn’t get the hang of you being 8ft tall…it actually intimidated the king of hell himself as he gulps staring up at you. He forced you to get down low like a cat to face him as he pets you.

You purred of course with your usual grin making Lucifer blush as he rubs his face in your fur with a star gazed expression. Literally star in his eyes as he actually fells relaxed by the smell of lavender. 

Alastor hates you sometimes, but he loves how calm and quiet you are despite you knocking his ass flat like a bug getting hit with a fly swatter. But he appreciates how you care for people’s health and sleep schedule.

Pentious absolutely loves you as his egg boiz cuddle up to you if it’s winter. You smile your smug smile as you whistle at the eggs who seem happy to be by you as Pentious also snugs himself in your fur

I kinda imagine when most people see an 8ft tall ass purple cat with white pupils with full black eyes staring at them. They piss their pants running as the whole hazbin crew hugs you admiring how soft your fur is.

Vaggie once seen you use your red smoke on angel, and she was concerned as she literally whipped out her spear at you as you only stared confused with a raised brow. You pushed the spear out of your sight explaining that angel couldn’t sleep and asked you to help.

I can see that vaggie, Alastor, and Lucifer were the last ones to actually trust you before believing you have good intentions to helping people sleep.

The ones to immediately trust you was, Angel dust, a little bit of husk, Charlie immediately with nifty and Pentious behind her.

I headcannon you basically breathing out red smoke on accident once and knocking out the whole hotel cast as you sit there with your ears down ashamed

I image angel dust pulling out one of those cat lasers to tease you. But he didn’t know that husk and you would immediately meow and purr for the laser as both of your eyes dilated. Angel died laughing as he took a picture of you falling on your back trying to grab the laser.

I headcannon vaggie to train you to fight only for you to prove her wrong when she woke up gasping for air to find out you used your smoke on her. She woke 5 hours….yeah she never doubted you ever again

I image when watching a movie with the crew, some of them lean on you like pillow while some just use your tail like a blanket while you snore like an old grandpa.

I headcannon the overlords once had a meeting about you as one of them seen you and mistook you for a new scary overlord. But Lucifer being the silly man he is, showed them a photo of you cuddling up with him on the couch. “Nah, he’s just a big ol cuddly cat..” he says with a snake smile as the overlords look at him like “What..the fuck..”

[fraugwinska]

Hello, wait are your requests open? 😅

If yes - i have an idea? :)

Per Charlie's decision everyone goes out for a night out in the town. You stay at the hotel as you weren't feeling well. Thinking the hotel is empty you carelssly leave your room and head to the bar and lounge area. To your surprise it's already occupied - Alastor is drinking whisky and listening to jazz on his old radio. He is already tipsy as he starts slowly dancing with himself. You don't want to interrupt but before you can go back he calls to you and asks if you want to join him. I just really need some tipsy and more relaxed Alastor thay slowly openes up to the reader. Bonus scene: you two fall asleep on the couch and wake up to the whole group staring at you two with the wildests reactions lol

This was such a cute prompt - Thank you for suggesting this, dear Anon! It's a little shorter, but I really like it - hope you do too! :>

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

More than words

Thirsty. You are thirsty.

That's the first thought you had when you woke up from your nap. Hell really had eternal suffering, with migraines being just as annoying and painful in hell as they were on earth. You had woken up with pain behind your eyes, and you knew in that exact moment you had to tell Charlie you wouldn't be able to go out tonight, because knowing yourself it would last the whole day and leave you exhausted by the evening.

You peeled yourself out of bed, realizing with relief that the pain and the dull pressure were gone almost completely. One or two glasses of water and a strong espresso, and maybe you were even able to get a good night's sleep. So you threw a cozy, fuzzy cardigan over you and headed to the kitchen. You had expected creepy silence, since it didn't happen often that everyone went out all at once, so you were surprised to hear the faint sounds of pianos, trumpets and drums when you were halfway down the staircase. Maybe Charlie or Husk had left the radio on? Without real reason to you tiptoed the last steps down, peeking around the corner of the corridor leading to the bar. What you saw made you both speech- and breathless.

Alastor, with a glass of whiskey in hand, humming along to Boogie Man by Sid Phillips, eyes closed and dancing just for himself – tipsy, slightly uncoordinated swing steps that might've looked impressive if he wasn't... drunk? At least a bit buzzed, that was for sure.

You watched him in fascination, tapping and twirling, while you contemplated what to do. The only way to the kitchen was through the foyer, which meant you had to pass the bar, ergo Alastor. But you weren't sure how much he would appreciate you catching him in this... state. Yes, you were on good terms, you would even go as far to say you were friends, but that stage of relationship was far too fresh to risk changing it by angering him. You decided that your bathroom sink had to provide the much needed water and fuck the espresso, you turned around to sneak back to your room.

„Oh, I didn't know there was an audience for my show!“

Fuck.

You glanced over your shoulder – Alastor looked you straight in the eye, swaying a bit, grin loose and eyes a little clouded. He sounded more amused than angry, something you didn't expect, but were fucking grateful for.

„Sorry, Al... I didn't think you were home, I just wanted to get some water and head back to my room.“ „Ah,“ Alastor took a sip of his drink, golden brown liquid leaking from the corners of his mouth down to his chin. With careless fingers he wipes it away. „So eager to leave little ol' me hanging...“ He pouted. Alastor, the radio demon pouted. You asked yourself if you might have migraine-incited hallucinations.

„Alastor, are you... okay?“, you ask, carefully turning to him.

„Fantastic dear, just fantastic.“, he muttered, eyeing his now empty glass, „Although drinking in company would certainly be more pleasurable than drinking alone.“

He walked back behind the bar, steps still a little wobbly, and poured himself another, giving you an opportunity. It was the deers crude way of handing you the choice - You could leave now, if you wanted.

Instead, you wrapped the cardigan tighter around yourself, suddenly very aware of your lack of decorum, and with a few steps, you were in front of him, sliding onto one of the stools. Alastor tilted his head at you as you leaned on the counter, both elbows on the slightly sticky surface and face in your hands, sighing.

„Alright tapper, as long as you don't bring my headache back, pour it away.“

----------------------------***----------------------------

„... and wouldn't you believe it, the next time this idiot saw me he just ripped off his whole arm and threw it at me!“

Alastor laughed, loudly and boastfully, slapping his thighs. You joined in with your own laughter, more like a cackle, tongue and restraint loosened by his choice of drink for you – mint julep, apparently one of the only cocktails he knew how to mix, being a favourite from his time in the 1920's. The fresh and cooling drink went easily down your tongue, and both of you had been chatting away for the last hour, mostly Alastor telling you funny anecdotes and you laughing at his stories till your mouth went dry.

While you drank slowly, Alastor rushed every drink down his throat like a parched man. With wonder you watched him, amazed by how much he could take, word unslurred and speech still crisp and transatlantic. The only indicator of his drunkenness: his choice of words became more and more crass. It made you giggle uncontrollably whenever he used profanities that were so unlike him. 

“Can you blame him? That poor man probably didn’t want you to rip it off again - might just do it himself and save the trouble!” “I didn’t even get to the best part, darling - He owned a fucking second hand shop! Ha Ha HA!” He bellowed with laughter,looking more like a mischievous school-boy than a terrifying overlord and you slapped his arm. “Alastor, stop, you’re making this up!” “Absolutely not, it’s the irony that makes the story even more comical.”

You shook your head, stirring the mint leaves in your glass.He was much more easy-going than normal, his cheeks tinted in a pretty shade of red. The biggest difference was his everlasting smile. Tight and wide normally, it had become a loose, content one, playful without the malice it usually carried. He looked even more handsome that way.

“A penny for your thought, cherie.”, he chuckled, arms crossed on the countertop and leaning in closely. The proximity brought the smell of bourbon, warm wood and nutmeg with hints of vetiver. The stronger version of his natural scent. Tasty. The thought shuddered through your mind and you swallowed it quickly with the rest of your own drink. “I just thought about a Chaplin quote that came to mind.” He leaned on his hand, blinking in curiosity, half-lidded eyes telling you to continue - you and him had a thing for his movies, you've watched City Lights together multiple times. “A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.” You mirrored his gesture with a smile of your own, bringing your face even closer to his, which seemed to startle him. “And I gotta say it’s a shame you’re not drunk more often.”

Alastor pulled back, grasping for the whiskey bottle as he avoided your gaze. You were confused - had you offended him? You sat yourself upright, ready to apologize, when he cut you off.

“Better not to reveal this kind of secret to just everyone, my dear. It’s only the ghost of a man long gone, anyways.” He sighed at the bottle in his hands, realizing it was empty. You scoffed, rolling your eyes at him. “Please, you may tell that yourself but I’m not a medium. That man isn’t gone. He's only hiding, deep down in there.”

Foolishly your brain didn’t remind you that Alastor didn’t like to be touched. You reached out, putting your hand flat at his chest, right where his heart would be. As for Alastor, his alcohol-dazed mind couldn’t catch up with what you were doing fast enough. Your palm pressed down, receiving the soothing, soft warmth he always radiated through your sensitive skin, like an old radio that had been left on for too long. His eyes widened, you felt him inhale sharply, yet it took another few seconds for him to react, flinching back.

His barstool wobbled, swinging dangerously, and like in slow-motion he fell backwards, only letting out a small, ulfiltered “Shit!” before he disappeared behind the bar. You jumped up, stuttering “Sorry, sorry, oh fuck, I’m so sorry!” while you hurried behind the bar to help him up. He was sprawled out on the floor, almost like a starfish, his chest shaking and an arm thrown over his face. “Alastor, I’m so sorry, are you hurt? Did you hit your head? Fuck, I’m so….”, you stopped abruptly when he burst out laughing. He wheezed, shaking with laughter, and you fell to your knees beside him, relieved and at the same time unnerved. He sat up, still holding his chest with one hand and patting your head with the other.

“Moments like these remind me why I like you so much, darling. Such a blue-eyed, air-headed doe you are.” You met his gaze, ready to banter, but the sad tint in his expression made you decide against that. Instead you shuffled nearer to him, slowly sitting up on your knees, to give him the option to push you away. He didn’t, only watching you closely. You wrapped your arms around his head, pulling him close, his cheek resting on your chest, tight enough he had to hear your heartbeat.

You held him like this until you felt his hands on your back, returning the embrace. HIs breath was warm and heavy on your skin. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he was holding back tears. Maybe he was. You just stayed like this, holding him in your arms. Words were unnecessary, unwanted even. Him and you weren’t close enough yet to bring everything he should share into words. But you would be there, whenever that moment came, and for now, this was the right way to express what couldn’t be said. Much more even.

When he pulled away, he did it gently, a soft and thankful smile on his lips. “I think the bar has run dry, my dear.” He stood up, offering you his hand to help you up. You took it, and he left your hand in his as you stood face to face. “How about a warm nightcap to end our day?” ----------------------------***----------------------------

“... You are seeing this too, right? I’m not trippin’?!” “Shhhh! Don’t wake them up.” Charlie hissed at Angel, her eyes round like saucers, staring over the backrest, as did the others. “How can this creep still smile even when he’s sleeping?!”, Vaggie whispered loudly. Angel gave her a sly smile. “You’d smile too if a hot girl slept in your lap like that.” Husk groaned, pulling a paw over his face. “It’s too late and I’m too sober for this shit.” “SSSSSSSHHHHHH! Leave them alone, go! Go to bed, quietly, all of you!”, Charlie shushed them again, shooing them away from the sofa.

She quickly ran to the nearest cabinet, pulling out a thick blanket which she carefully draped over your and Alastors body. She took a few heartbeats to internalize what she everyone saw when they came home.

You looked like a couple. Of course Charlie knew you weren’t. Alastor - half-laying, half-sitting asleep on the sofa - had his arm around you, his head resting on the top of your head. You were serenely slumbering while nuzzled against his chest, legs pulled up and looking like you were mended to his side. You, too, were smiling. On the cofffee table in front of the sofa were two cups of what looked and smelled like hot milk with honey, the porcelain still faintly warm to the touch and the liquid barely touched. She suppressed the squeal she wanted to squeal.

After she was done, she quietly took a few steps back, scanning that you were both still fast asleep, then she took Vaggie’s hand and together they headed to their own room. Charlie knew you weren’t a couple. But she also knew that was only a matter of when you would become one, not if.

[iarrelm]

Hazbin Hotel Swap AU - Alastor. Husk. Nifty.

Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel

I saw a few different versions of this AU going around and thinking about it made me want to draw my own take on it.

I don't have this fully fleshed out yet but I've been thinking about it for the last few days so here's what I've got so far.

Alastor -> Charlie

He still started out in Hell as the Radio Demon

However, when he disappeared for 7 years, he came back as a seemingly changed man. The first broadcast on his radio show after 7 years of silence was an advertisement for the Radio Demon's new project: The Hazbin Hotel.

Not very many sinners actually managed to hear that advertisement but those that did thought they were hallucinating tbh

I wanna say the reason why he wants to try rehabilitating sinners is mostly because he spent his 7 year hiatus with Lilith, who asked him to do this for her so she could try to convince Charlie (and Lucifer) that they're wrong about sinners. And Alastor decides to do it because Lilith promises that she'll free him from his deal the moment he gets a soul into heaven.

For this AU, I'm gonna say the person who has Alastor on a leash is Eve, and his deal with her is completely unrelated to his 7 year absence.

Because of all that, despite founding the hotel, he doesn't fully believe it's possible to redeem a soul. And it shows sometimes no matter how much he tries to convince the guests otherwise.

Nifty -> Vaggie

When Alastor brought up the hotel and asked for her help, she jumped at the chance and agreed without hesitation.

Alastor is still an overlord and still owns some souls. He owns Nifty's but made it clear to her that he was asking, not ordering, her to help with the hotel.

Before Charlie brings in more staff, she was the one that handled cleaning and pest control and all that other stuff.

She helps him brainstorm ideas for activities. Unfortunately both of them are pretty unhinged so at least 80% of those ideas are unusable

Husk: What the fuck is "Knife Monopoly"?

Alastor and Nifty: :)

She's Alastor's biggest cheerleader and helps him out by enthusiastically participating in any and all hotel activities with a smile

Husk -> Angel Dust

Instead of Alastor, Husk sold his soul to Vox, who became interested in the Gambling Demon after Alastor was seen going in and out of his casino.

Vox ends up using Husk as something like a personal assistant. He runs around all over hell doing anything and everything Vox asks him to.

Immediately after losing his soul, he moves into the Vee's Tower. It's nice because the Vee's tower is one of the most protected places in the pride ring, which means none of the souls he used to own will be able to try to come after him. Unfortunately this also means that Vox has access to an employee that can work overtime whenever he needs him to.

Husk is... so tired.

So when Alastor offers him a room at the hotel, Husk agrees before he can finish his pitch.

Later, he hears the full thing - that Alastor is trying to redeem sinners and thinks he can get Husk into heaven. Husk isn't sure what exactly made Alastor believe that, but a free room is a free room

(He is grateful though. So even if he doesn't think there's a chance in hell that he's getting into heaven, he does put in some effort toward rehabilitation.)

[an-idyllic-novelist]

Husk with gender-neutral!reader relationship headcanons

Special thanks to @isuckatwritingsobenice, @nixie-writes, and a few other writers in the Hazbin Hotel community for helping me create a piece for one of my favorite characters from the 2019 pilot episode, Husk! :)

Warning: Husk's potty mouth and this is Hell, so indecent things are bound to happen but nothing to imply NSFW content.

Husk gave up on the idea of love years ago, preferring to drown himself in cheap booze and try his luck at the casino before Alastor pulls him away to do a job for him or some other shit because of his contract with the fucking asshole. Why else would he and Nifty be wastin’ time slaving away in a hotel that’s supposed to rehabilitate sinners? Least the pipsqueak gets to clean this place from top to bottom and away from the clients, and he’s stuck handling their drunk asses in the lobby bar.

Angel Dust has been the one who’s been trying to get into his pants since day one, but that’s a different story entirely. He’s persistent, Husk will give the prissy punk that much credit.

Though…he supposed it isn’t all too bad being here. Least since Vaggie hired you. Initially, the job offer she and Charlie had posted online was to manage the front desk, handle phone calls, and all of the other tasks required to be the hotel’s conceirge. However, since there still wasn’t enough staff to do everything, he would see flitting about carrying baskets of clean linens or giving tours around the hotel to potential clients, helping Vaggie with organizing meetings with the press, and so on.

He might be a drunk asshole, but if there’s one part in his body that’s still functioning besides his dick, it's his hearing.

He’s lost count of how many times he’s heard a snide remark from potential or current clients about your polite demeanor, if you’re actually a freak in bed, and a whole lotta other bullshit he did not want to hear when he’s still sober. He didn’t want to care but god fucking dammit it made his skin crawl at the idea of some asshole thinking they had a chance with you. You, who never seemed to lose your smile and would go out of your way to make Nifty’s day by belting out Broadway songs on top of the banister, completely lost in the character you were playing and not giving a shit about anything else.

Not gonna deny it, you had one hell of a voice. You could change the pitch of it so easily. From a high tone all the way down a low, smooth baritone that almost sounded like a siren’s song luring sailors to a watery grave.

When he actually musters the fucking courage (thanks to a lot of booze from earlier in the day) to ask if you’d like to go to a bar or even the casino, Husk thought you would reject him. After all, why would a someone like you would even want to hang around an old fucker like him?

But when he saw your face turn as red as a certain deer bastard’s suit and sputtered that you weren’t very good at the slots, though you were willingly to try your luck at the blackjack table as long it wasn’t a high stake one, Husk thought he had actually achieved the state of inebriation to where he was hallucinating.

However, he was proven wrong when you told him that you’ll be ready by seven to go to the casino. Since he’d been on good behavior and Charlie never had any issues with you as of late, the princess wouldn’t mind the two of you being out for a couple of hours as long as you kept your phones on you in case anything happened.

Alastor could care less since watching a tormented, loveless war veteran being bewitched by a beguiling songstress provided him with much needed entertainment~.

Upon arriving at the casino, Husk pulled you over to the slot machines. He showed you how they worked and how much money you should put in them, so you don’t lose all of it in under an hour. The old-fashioned ones with the levers weren’t so bad, though the rounds would go pretty quick if you weren’t paying attention to the denominations; same thing applied to the new tech ones, betting could go from 88 cents to up to two dollars.

In the end, you quit after trying three different machines and went to go find the restroom. Husk decided to go find a bar and order a couple of drinks. One for himself, and one for you. A couple of fellas, hellhounds by the look of ‘em, asked him if the ‘pretty little thing’ he was with earlier is with him or if you were single.

“They’re with me, so fuck off.” He grumbled.

“Ya sure about that, old man?”

Husker growled, feeling his hackles rise at the provocation, half of it he blamed on the booze. As much as he wanted to teach these punks a thing or two about showin’ respect….they weren’t worth ruinin’ his first date with you. First impressions made all the difference, least when he’d been alive. So he made a rude hand gesture and sat at the bar until he heard you call out to him.

“Everything all right, Husk? I hope I didn’t interrupt anything between you and your friends. The guys you were talkin’ to before they took off.”

He smirked. “Nah. If I knew them, they’d know how to play poker.” He stood up and grabbed his drink, handing over yours. “C’mon, let’s hit the blackjack tables and see how good you really are.” He said, leading you to your next stop for the night.

Turned out that you weren’t all talk. You were able to win five out of seven rounds, never showing any anxiety or indication that your hand was either good or bad. For kicks, Husk asked if you wanted to try the poker table. You agreed, but just to two rounds. If you weren’t comfortable continuing to play, please allow you to walk away. Husk agreed, opting to watch you from the sidelines as moral support instead of joining you at the table.

Three words could only describe what he saw next: holy fucking shit.

All you could do was smile sheepishly at him when he asked how the ever living fuck were you this good at gambling and didn’t say anything as the two of you left the casino with a hefty sum of cash.

“Would you believe me if I said I’d gotten banned from more than one casino when I was alive because I was just good at card counting?”

He stared at you for a long moment before he grinned widely, clapping you on the back. “I knew I had my eye on ya for a reason!”

‘Course, you’d never know that he wanted to show you that he’s one hell of a gambler at the casino instead of the other way ‘round. How he knew to play his cards right and treat you to something nice, show those little shitheads that a real gentleman knows how to win the game and a good-lookin’ partner all in the same night.

Still…gettin’ spoiled at a nice restaurant for a change wasn’t too bad…so long as no one from the hotel saw them. Especially Alastor.

And that was how your first date went. Nothing too crazy, least the two of you didn’t run into any trouble on the way back to the hotel. Husk walked you to your room, wished you good-night, and went to drink a little more before passing out in his own room.

Husk hasn’t been with anyone in an incredibly long time. There will be moments when he might seem harsher than usual towards you and tries to brush everything off, or chug it down with alcohol. He struggles to communicate with his feelings to someone else, so patience and respect for boundaries is key.

He does not tolerate any disrespect towards you, even if you try to tell him to ignore the sinner who is catcalling after you when the two of you are walking through the Pride Ring to pick up stuff for the hotel. If it happened at a bar while you’re on a date? Be prepared to have chairs go flying or Husk tearing a new hole in the poor bastard who pissed him off.

He is not a fan of PDA. He has a reputation to uphold in the hotel and on the streets. Behind closed doors, however, he will be more lenient. Cuddles and midday naps are exceptional, with him pressing against your body with his tail loosely coiled around your thigh and one of his wings acting as a shield or even a blanket.

Speaking of feathers and fur, he does need to groom himself periodically, especially when it's molting season. You need to be gentle if you want to help him since his skin can be especially sensitive around this time of the year.

Actions speak a lot louder to him than pretty words. If you show him that you do care for him and will never betray his trust or loyalty, he will return it tenfold. He will do everything in his power to make you as happy as you have made him in this shithole.

Taglist

@angelltheninth

@isuckatwritingsobenice

@selineram3421

@nixie-writes

@dragonempress18

@ceoofdabicorpsensfw

@lbcreations-blog

@chroniccorvus

@food-theorys-blog

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

the idea of a "not zombie plague" at the hotel.... what an effing comedy it could be...

thanks @sunsetcougar and @insert-funny-name-here69 for making me picture it XD

Vaggie comes back from Cannibal Town snuffling, no big deal, maybe it's all those feathered hats and fur stoles (sUSaN) or nice flowers or whatever. Vaggie goes to bed like normal, wakes up the next day GROANING, stiff and grumpy and shuffling around the hotel

Oh no!- Charlie the protective gf cries- what if there's some hellborn illness angels are weak towards??? It's time to physically carry Vaggie back to bed for rest (and keep doing that a few times until it sticks and she puts Razzle on guard at the door) (also print out and past their room's windows with pics of her own pleading pout so Vaggie won't try flying to freedom again) (and crashing again)

well this is kinda a weird and kinda funny for the rest of the hotel... until the Symptoms start to spread

sneezing is the first stage, the infection fun, a sign you've already got it, but everyone wants to blame Susan and Susan's specific perfectly matching (aka hostile harsh and annoying) choice of perfume lingering around the hotel, so they all (not vaggie) (vaggie thinks susan is The Coolest) just walk around sneezing and yelling "FUCK YOU SUSAN" afterwards instead of "bless you" or whatever

loss of appetite isn't that big a deal at first- between the guy with the drug addiction, his friend also with a drug addiction, an alcoholic, a tiny woman who can fill up on a single ritz cracker, a guy who eats rotting dear corpses, a pig who regularly gets his appetite spoiled with treats, an egg boi who doesn't know what he eats without his boss around to tell him, a goat demon stuffie hell bent on only consuming doughnuts, a demon princess too busy singing and scheming happiness plans to do things like SLEEp never mind EAT, her girlfriend who will care about stuff like hunger once everything else is taken care of and not a second before, an the KING of hell who hasn't even had an appetite for LIFE in ages.... no one notices the lack of eating going on at first, until it's Too Late

stiffness and aching of the joints has everyone complaining when it hits tho. Angel Dust is pissed it got in the way of his performance. Husk feels old again and gets grumpy when he gets called old man which makes him even MORE grumpy. Niffty enjoys it for 4 minutes until it throws off her rat kill rate. Alastor pretends to feel nothing but every time he moves there's a horrible CRACK from any and all bending joints and Cherri finds him stiffly stuck in a chair a least once. Cherri is the best off bc she mainly just feels like she got blown up and is used to it. Vaggie is having flash backs to the pain and weakness right after losing her first wings- Charlie wants to help but is hunched over so far she regularly rests her chin on Vaggie's head and doesn't have the energy to drag her back to bed. Lucifer is ACTUALLY hobbling around using his cane, snapping to false casualness whenever someone looks his way, secretly using a rubber duck as a stress ball. They grudgingly agree they can't blame this one on Susan (actually...) and migrate to the lobby as a group, trying to figure out what KIND of hell bug they've somehow caught.

Now is where the loss of appetite finally gets notices. Vaggie dragged out some food for the war council and NO ONE can stand even LOOKING at it. there are, however, at lot of OTHER looks going around....

Husk edges away from Angel, who's eying him even more hungrily than usual but without any of the sultriness. Niffty scuttling past gets his attention and makes his tail do the little pre-pound wiggle as he sinks his claws into the sofa to keep from FOR REAL pouncing. Cherri is staring at her bestie Angel Dust and gritting her many sharp teeth at the hallucination that he's limbs are actually full of drugs. Alastor's eye is twitching, the hotel gusts all having taken on the shape of deer carcasses from his point of view. Lucifer is fine until he looks over at Vaggie- he looks away instantly and shoves his ducky in his mouth to BITE, panics, yanks it free again, and when he looks down it's morphed into a stylized duck version of Vaggie with bite marks. Vaggie has gone dead quiet and is staring at her future father in law, clutching her spear, mentally roasting him over hellfire on a spit in her mind's eye.

Charlie sees all this happening like what is going ON guys, why are you all acting so... sooooo............Hm. Charlie wonders aloud if Razzle, Dazzle, and the Egg Boi have always had such a close resemblance to juicy little roast chickens?

Then Niffty bites Husk's tail and the hotel is overrun from the inside

it's not a ZOMBIE plague- it's CANNIBAL FLU- and now sinners are chasing sinners down the halls with knives and forks, Charlie is trying NOT to eat the little hellborn as they try and fail to nibble on her lanky limbs, and Vaggie and Lucifer-

there is a new hole in the hotel where Vaggie tackled her future dad in law through the roof and now anyone looking the hotel has great view of them both snarling, circling each other in the air, spitting out mouthfulls of feathers from successfully blocking each other's bites while failing to to grab any FLESH with their own

Thankfully Rosie had finally gotten wind of Vaggie leaving with a 'slight head cold' last time and waltzes over just in time to toss some of her best stock into the hotel, a fine selection of sinner, hellborn, and even some leftover angel steaks from the battle, smartly distracting the hotel crew from hunting and tearing into each other instead

One very upsetting but ENERGETIC meal later, the blankly traumatized (and blood spattered) hotel crew huddle in groups back in the over turned lobby, listening as Rosie assures them the worst is over and they should be good as gore by tomorrow morning!

Alastor politely informs Roise that the mention of gore at just that moment might not have been the BEST choice of words

right on cue, Husk starts making hairball noises, and everyone else looks suddenly sick

Vaggie sighs, patting her gf on the back as Charlie tearfully hugs Razzle after having had her jaw unhinged in preparation of swallowing him whole when Rosie made her timely arrival (Razzle forgives her, he was planning to try devouring her from the inside out or die trying) (meanwhile Charlie had put both Fatty Nuggets and the Egg Boi on a frying pan and was preparing to have a nice cozy ghibli-style family meal- of friendship. literally. of friends)

-alright, Vaggie gives in, fine. Just one time I'll say it too.... Who do we blame for all this?

SUSAN everyone growls

this reminds Rosie to pass out the "shove your groaning up your asses" cards Susan made for all of them, which are, of course, scented

Vaggie sneezes at the scent and there's a stampede as everyone not wildly in love with her tries to run and save themselves

cannibal flu. it puts the "i" in cannibal as in that's what it makes YOU

cannibals are immune to this party bc they would barely even notice if they had it, for them, it's just suddenly turning into picky eater for a few days until the craving is satisfied :3 sometimes with your next door neighbor but really, isn't that what neighbors are for~?

(charlie falls into bed that night, exhausted, only to look around at a strange chewing noise)

(it's vaggie. on the window seat, hunched over with wings huddled around herself, looking up frozen in the act of gnawing on lute's torn off and left behind arm)

Vaggie: ".... Susan sent it over for me, special."

Charlie: "Uh huh."

Vaggie: "I'm not sick anymore! I just, was kinda curious..."

Charlie: "Vaggie, I support you biting the arm of the woman who tore out your eye. And you look great smeared with angelic blood." (pouting) "....but can you be cannibal curious in the morning and snuggle with me now?"

Vaggie: (tossing lute's arm into the bathroom) "Always, sweetie."

Charlie: "Mmm gooood. Now kisses!"

Vaggie: "Shit wait, I should wash my mouth-"

Charlie: "Or not?"

Vaggie: "..not?"

Charlie: "I'm kinda curious too~"

and thus was Susan's cannibal propaganda successfully spread, by the power of gay love, and how hot the demon princess of hell thinks it is when her angel girlfriend is spattered with someone else's blood

[trashogram]

I have so much on my plate to finish, so the body horror fic doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen. But I was just thinking:

So imagine Queen!Reader going through the change from angel to demon and it’s so rough. It’s so, so hard on her that not only is she going through physical changes but she gets sick with fever and becomes delirious.

Lucifer is trying to stay strong while his Queen is abed in severe pain and their newborn needs to be cared for 24/7. But in her incoherent state, Reader hallucinates and forgets or confuses pivotal moments in their lives together.

One day she could wake up screaming, and is terrified for hours on end over her unrecognizable appearance. She doesn’t know where she is or why her teeth are falling out. She’s cut herself with her claws by accident. Lucifer tries to help but she’s frightened by how he looks and doesn’t know who he is.

The next day she’s calling out for him to help her. She’s so weak, asking him why everything hurts. Her vision is changing and she’s scared she might literally never see him again.

Another day she seems fine, but then Reader appears to believe she’s still pregnant with Charlie, or she was. She relays to Lucifer that she’s sorry because she’s certain the baby inside of her is dead.

Then the following day sees Lucifer holding her hand, tears streaming down his face as she says: “Please don’t hurt me. I love you. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I can’t handle it if this is all a joke to you.”

Reader is just saying all the things she kept inside prior to her death. And Lucifer is at a loss, agonizing over how frightened she was that he was going to betray her in the end or that he didn’t love her or that their baby wasn’t going to make it and it was somehow Reader’s fault.

[sycamorality]

a collection of all the weird things that have happened to me in my life, since one of my friends said i should make one

one of my ex-friends [they cut me off bc i rightfully called out how sus it was that they went from 0 rares to a blue headdress and multiple long collars in a day] just up and vanished one day. i knew them from animal jam. they had a youtube channel and were semi-popular. i was in one of their videos, one of those animal jam adventures we played together. there were rumours they died to some illness but nothing concrete ever came out of that, but two months after that everything of their online presence disappeared. one of my friends made a video on them and their passing out of respect, but that video is gone too despite them never deleting it. we both know they existed, but none of us can find anything on them. everyone else's videos are gone too. everything about them is just gone as if they never existed

this isn't the only friend this has happened to. i've had four other friends just suddenly disappear, every trace of them existing just completely gone. typically every trace of them just disappears after 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 weeks and 2 months. one friend was mid 2018, another friend in 2017, one in november 2019, another somewhere in early 2021, and another aj friend early 2017

this isnt as weird as everything else but we once took a picture and i saw a shiny object on it and reached down to pick it up just moments after the picture was taken but it was gone. there was only an imprint of it and it was nowhere. nobody had reached down to pick it up before me, and nobody else was around. this isnt the only object this has happened to either.

i found a human pelvis on a beach once. i am the only one that remembers this happened despite me showing both of my parents. they have no recollection of this

this didnt happen to me but it is regarding me. my mom once heard me calling for her in my room - she's in the living room sitting by the computer desk, my room is right behind the wall the computer desk is by. she answers and i don't answer back. one thing is for certain though - this was not an audiotory hallucination. she then realized that i was not home because i was in kindergarten. rightfully she was freaked the fuck out and didn't move for an hour or two

here's another story from my mom because i think its fun to include: she once heard the sounds of my dad coming home. opening the door, stepping inside, putting his shoes on the shoerrack, walking slightly into the hallway, and then all the sounds stopped. she's confused and checks the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom because those are the only three rooms he could've walked into. he's in neither of them. she's weirded out but brushes it off for a while until he comes home and makes the exact same sounds that she heard earlier that day. how interesting!

we used to have teaspoons that had two lines at the end of the spoon. one day it changed to the lines being by the front of the spoon. i asked my mom about this when i was 7 and she said "we've always had those spoons?" looking at me as if i was talking nonsense to her. we also used to have a bunch of colorful spoons! but they're also completely gone now despite us never throwing them away. i know we used to have them because i broke a blue one by biting down on it too hard once. oops.

artistic rendition of the spoons:

could also swear we used to have yellow plates matching our other colored plates [as well as cups and forks, because we bought them in a set. The Spoons Included] but we. do not have any yellow plates. my parents have said we have never had yellow plates

i could swear by my entire life that korea, thailand, china, australia and many other countries are not where they're supposed to be. this is not because of different projections. none of the projections match up to the map i know.

we used to have an orange cat named charlie, he was a stray we took in. he had no interest in going back outside and he was a cuddlebug, enjoying the safety of being inside with people that love and care for him. one day when we came home, he was completely gone as if we never had him. we asked everyone nearby if they'd seen him, but everyone said no. we only have two pictures of him [despite us taking many more of him]. here's one of them!

there were two twins that lived across our house. they were pale, had black long hair, and usually wore white - or matching dresses. sounds like a horror movie description, i know, but they actually looked like that. one day during winter after snow had fallen we found out that, when we werent home, they stood in front of our backdoor [which was honestly better described as a big window door] and windows and just stared, because their footprints were there. terrifying!

there was this one time where- apparently an alternate universe or something kinda. overlapped. or swapped? me with an alternate me. my friend rain witnessed this and apparently i called it rainai and wasn't much of an artist from what i can gather, and didn't have the same ocs as i do here. that me was also more shy and definently not the same as i was at the time. this happened in 2019

our cats teleport. i once saw one of our cats, who i will call little shit, inside, eating from the food bowls. sounds and everything from her crunching on it when i got home. i went upstairs to set up my pc and then back downstairs to say hi to her and she was nowhere to be seen. i looked around everywhere and couldn't find her, so i dmed my dad and asked if she was inside and he resopnded that she was outside. i open the door and call for her an lo and behold guess who comes running and meowing. it was not our other cat, mama cat. i can tell their shapes apart so easily

my mom and i saw a witch flying on a broom with their cat once! a shadow silhouette unmistakable for a broom, with a human on the front and cat on the end. we both looked at eachother like "you just saw that right" and just nodded

i saw a big black thing flying by my window twice the size of a raven last yeah. i'm pretty sure that was dragon shaped. four limbs and then wings. i mentioned this once in a friend group server but the chatlogs of that are just completely gone(???)

my mom once showed me an article on how they confirmed alternate universes exist. it was genuine. apparently this exact article does not exist and i am the only person i know [save for my mom] that knows alternate universes were confirmed to exist. nobody else has ever heard anything about this

there was a red pencil sharpener i checked the kitchen counter for 7 times. it was not there. it very much was not there. nobody put it there. when i asked my mom after she walked into the kitche and infront of the counter it was suddenly there after she pointed towards it for me

i will update this with a reblog if i ever remember more because my memory is very selective for some reason

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if after edward broke up with bella in the woods, she ended up hitting her head in there or something, had amnesia and forgot about everything that happened since the beginning of twilight?

Charlie still blames Edward and Bella can't quite reconcile herself with past Bella. Without pictures or any evidence of having a boyfriend, she goes "huh weird" and wonders why she got so boy crazy (since she doesn't know how stupid hot and amazing Edward was).

The story of her running away to Phoenix again is mortifying to her (since she doesn't have any of the background) and she has no idea why she would say the most hurtful thing she possibly could to Charlie when doing so.

She thinks Past!Bella went completely insane and wants to pretend the whole thing never happened.

However, because of this, no Hallucination!Edward and Bella's senior year is instead spent with her trying to get along with her human friends, pretend dating Edward never happened, and catching up on school work while being generally embarrassed over her head injury. She doesn't seek out Jacob, thinks he's way too young to hang out with as she did canonically in Twilight when he showed interest in her, and is mildly troubled about the news about man eating bears in the woods (as the Victoria subplot is happily continuing without Bella).

As Bella never endangers herself, she doesn't end up at the cliff plan, and thus never sets off Alice thinking she's died. Now, granted, it is Bella so she could trip and die, or get eaten by a vampire if the wolves are overrun by a newborn army without the Cullens intervening with the wolves, or so on.

However, if Bella does make it and Victoria is dealt with offscreen by the wolves, then probably eventually Edward comes back to lurk from the shadows and is deeply tormented but relieved that Bella actually doesn't remember him. It is in fact like he never existed.

Except he can't live with that and he discovered he's not strong enough to walk away.

I imagine in this scenario, Edward would enroll in whatever college she's going to in order to start over (and definitely keep her human).

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Hazbin Hotel cooking head canons

Alastor: I think we can all agree he's the best cook in the hotel. He would've learned from his mom and enjoys cooking for people because of it. The first few times he cooked for them everyone was a little weary because cannibalism but he made it "vegetarian" so don't worry. Also he hates cooking with other people that spot is reserved for his mother only and everyone learns really fast to not go into the kitchen while he's cooking.

Sir Pentious: An amazing baker but not a great cook, like he can cook and it comes out fine but he always feels like something isn't right. Loves baking with Angel and Nifty. He even tries to teach Charlie how to bake. She makes no progress but he continues to teach her until he ends up in heaven.

Charlie: An absolute disaster like holy shit. Not only will she set the kitchen on fire she will also create the most disgusting food combinations and act like they're completely normal. She's doing her best I swear. She would probably try to take cooking classes but that would just end horribly.

Vaggie: Cannot cook. Everything will come out burnt and underdone at the same time. She's convinced she's cursed.

Angel: Second best cook at the hotel. Learned from his Nona. He used to cook with Molly all the time but hasn't for a while. He just didn't have the energy to cook and it always made him miss his sister too much. Eventually he got more comfortable at the hotel and started cooking again. Now he tries to cook dinner for everyone at least once a week. Loves cooking with other people he just doesn't have the patience to teach them.

Nifty: Is actually a good cook is just terrible at plating. Her food won't look good but the taste would be worth it. There might be a crunch in something that probably shouldn't be crunchy but just try not to think about it too much.

Husk: Would live off microwavable dinners if they let him. He can't cook but he'll eat anything anyone makes him. He's even eaten Charlie's disgusting food combinations like it was nothing. Can probably figure out how to make anything in the microwave if you give him the time.

Cherri: Do NOT let this woman in the kitchen. She will blow the entire place up and then do it again the next day for fun. Has probably figured out how to make bombs out of food idk how but she would.

Lucifer: He's not a bad cook he just doesn't usually have the energy or patience to do it. He prefers to make sweet foods so he'd specialize in breakfast and dessert. He can make other food too he just doesn't as much. It's probably better for him to have supervision while he cooks though. He gets distracted or just bored really easily. He'll space out or leave the room entirely to do something else and completely forget he's cooking. Like he'd be boiling potatoes to make mashed potatoes and then leave the room to do something and get distracted until suddenly he smells burning and runs into the kitchen to find that all the waters evaporated and the potatoes are burning to the bottom of the pot and he has to start over (no this has never happened to me why would you say that). Because of this Lucifer and Angel tend to cook together because Angel prefers cooking with company and they both have a sweet tooth.

Vox: Mostly lives on cup ramen and take out. He cooked once but it was dry unseasoned chicken and was never allowed to cook again. I want to say he'd have expensive taste but he's a workaholic so leftover Chinese food for the third time this week it is. I'm serious though this man hasn't slept in four days, is on the brink of hallucinating, and is surviving off caffeine, three day old leftovers that should definitely not be eaten, and pure unfiltered spite.

Valentino: He's actually a really good cook. The thing is he can't decide if he wants people to be in the kitchen with him or not because he'll be standing at the stove and ask Vox to hand him something and then five minutes later he's yelling because Vox is in his way. It's a very stressful experience for everyone except Valentino who finds it calming.

Velvette: She's pretty average honestly. Like she can cook fine but it's nothing exciting. She loves trying new recipes she sees online but always gets pissed when it doesn't go as planned so then she orders takeout. She's really good at decorating though like she can't bake a cake but she'd decorate it beautifully so that actually works well with Valentino who can't use a piping bag for shit.

[athena-xiii]

Generation Loss brain dump

!! Spoilers for all 3 episodes bellow the cut !!

Okay so the first thing that my brain has latched onto is the slime, or more specifically, the reality filter.

The slime in generation loss is not actually slime. It’s blood. We see it during the glitch in episode 2:

and there’s also a bucket of blood, shown in the finale, labeled slime

The implications of this are fucking wild. Like the spirit of the cabin is genuinely a demon covered in blood, sticking to things- not because of slime, but because he’s covered in blood. It means that Charlie ate a bowl of blood and guts, it means that Sneeg was coated in blood, it means that there was a chest of blood in the bedroom. What about the slime dimension? And don’t even get me started on “I mean slime. I mean slime. I mean slime-” And that’s just episode one.

If you think about the fact that Charlie was likely pleading for his life after being torn open past just the surface, you realize that Sneeg probably saw Charlie bleeding out on a gurney. That means that the Puzzler was putting a bloody hat on people for fun. There also the fact that Frank is a real dead body, a genuine rotting corpse- but we’ll get back to him.

And then you can look even further and see what we would’ve seen as slime in episode three. If you put the reality filter back on, this sign is a whole lot more on brand.

Now, let’s look at the biggest piece of the puzzle: the bulletin board. Firstly, Frank is dead. He is a corpse and here’s our evidence. Secondly, there’s the image that discusses the reality filter. The text on it reads “Are you seeing what you should be seeing? Contact HR if you may need a quick rewiring.” Accompanied by green dots surrounding red and diagram of the brain. The dots are pretty self explanatory, using green to hide the red, but the diagram of the brain is more damning. The highlighted portion is called the occipital lobe. It is responsible for visual perception, including colour, form, and motion. Damage to your occipital lobe can cause difficulty locating objects in your environment, difficulty identifying colours, and hallucinations. That part of his skull is where the back of his mask presses.

The reality filter does so much more than just change blood to slime. It’s probably why Ranboo missed obvious parts of his environment occasionally. The part of their brain that controls visual perception has been under the control of Showfall, and only when it was shut off did we get to see how absolutely horrifying each episode has been.

Anyway, gotta go draw my goopy guy in a new colour pallet-

[libby-for-life]

Can you make a part Two of the Through Sickness and Health?! Please!

Alright, let's go! Part 1

Adam was sick for days. The fever that plagued him was horrible and Lucifer had volunteered to look after him while he recovered. The fever got so bad that Adam started hallucinating, mumbling incoherently about things only he can see.

Lucifer made sure he was there for it all, keeping him from getting worse. During this time, the Devil had been thinking about all the little jabs he had made at Adam. How he did not make his afterlife any easier and how he even made it worse.

Charlie would definitely be disappointed and upset if she knew the stuff he had done to Adam. Insulting him. Made chores harder. How Lucifer even sometimes hid his stuff if he was especially pissed off about something Adam "did". Those "minor infractions", Lucifer called them in his head, were all perceived as justifiable in the Devil's eyes.

It didn't matter if seeing Adam by himself, unable to socialize because no one gave him a chance to, hurt Lucifer a bit on the inside. He shoved it down and said he deserved it.

"Mmmm—"

Lucifer looked at Adam who was crying in his delirious sleep. Lucifer's eyes widened. It...he hadn't seen Adam cry in....forever.

"No...no...it hurts....make it stop." Adam whimpered out, thrashing a bit. "Hurts..." Lucifer bit his lip as he cooled Adam's forehead. "Sh...I'm here." Adam only whined in response.

"No....no....please." What was the First Man dreaming about? What nightmare was he experiencing? Lucifer had to physically hold him down when his movements, his thrashing becoming too harsh for his sick body to handle.

"Adam! Please! Calm down!" Adam only thrashed harder. At this point, he might buck them off the bed if Lucifer didn't push him down harder. But if he did do that, he would risk hurting Adam.

Lucifer sighed and whispered, "Sh...it's okay. You're safe. I promise." Adam still shook but he stopped whimpering. "There, see? You're being so good right now." Lucifer whispered as he slowly slid off Adam. He made sure that a glass of water was on the side table as he watched Adam shift in his sleep.

When he woke up, his eyes were still glassy and he looked at Lucifer like he was the light of his world. It made the Devil stare at him in surprise.

"Luci! My angel came to visit me! You've been gone a long time." Adam slurred as he reached out for him. Lucifer was too stunned to move as a large hand cupped his cheek. "Where have you been? I've waiting so long for you to come back. Did Heaven need you that long?" Adam pulled him close and that brought Lucifer out of his shock at being called an angel.

"Adam, wait—"

"Gone for so long....Lilith stopped being near me....and none of the other angels will stay either. But you're not like them. You're nice to me...I'm glad you came back like you promised..."

Like he promised. Shit. This stirred feelings and emotions in him like he hadn't felt in years. He slipped out of his grip once he realized that Adam was asleep again.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

The next day, Adam's fever broke.

[artdcnaldson]

omg i’m the anon who told you changeover is so tusk coded and i’m back with another song rec!! sex lessons dynamic is SOOO guess by charli xcx. art and patrick being little wh*res about their cute little bestie, perving about what she’s wearing under her new denim mini skirt. the lyrics also mention a lower back tattoo and im like 👀👀 what if she went out with her new group of college girl friends, drinking and wanting to do something impulsive and daring to throw pat and art off, and came back with a tramp stamp? they would FOAM AT THE MOUTH i fear, every time her shirt rides up, or if she’s in a bikini, they go fucking nuts over the little butterfly above her cute ass ❤️

Omg imagining something like this bc it’s soooo early Ought’s.

The first time Patrick sees it he chokes, thinks he’s hallucinating. Because you’d bent over to grab something off the floor and your tank top was hiked up for just a second before you tugged it back down. And there’s no way, like— that’s not you.

But then they’re by the pool and you ask Art to rub in your sunscreen and when you take off your coverup his mouth goes dry and you just get all sheepish and say you got drunk and went to a tattoo parlor with some of your school friends, that it looks so stupid, and you can’t believe you got that wasted.

Art and Patrick jump to defend it so quick, like — no, no, it’s not stupid! It looks good! Trust them 😁

[indelicateink]

the Interview with the Vampire kink meme continues to be everything

there's been a scorching HOT loustat fill today: The Interview

a bouquet of thanks to @vampire-dove for maintaining this anon kink meme for us.

i'm going to share some of the prompts going on over there. please go add more. please fill prompts. these vampires cry out to be put in Situations.

Prompts [5/?]:

Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac Seduction, Vampire Turning, Drunk Sex, Marriage Proposal

"Parallel universe.

"In 1905, Parisian brothel owner Lestat de Lioncourt keeps his ungrateful brothers and father, and his frail mother, in comfort despite hating his life. When his new acquaintance, wealthy American Louis de Pointe du Lac, comes on so strong, he starts to think life could be different. There is an air of the preternatural about him, but Americans are probably just like that?

"Vampire Louis de Pointe du Lac searches for a new life in the old world and finds a handsome man with a most agreeable disposition who he wants to convince to become his companion. Life certainly wouldn't be boring."

--

Armand/Daniel Molloy

"Minimal or no Devil’s Minion before 2022. Armand turns Daniel out of spite, but Daniel takes to vampirism immediately and revels in his newfound strength and immense power. And Daniel is so psyched about this new un-life that he kisses Armand, who kisses him back passionately. He then fucks Armand all around the penthouse and gives him the best dick he’s had in centuries. Armand is terribly confused by this intense, feverish passion between them, over thinks it, and flees out of self-preservation. and naturally Daniel gives chase!"

--

Claudia/Madeleine, Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac Alternate Universe - Royalty, Weddings, Competition

"Royal wedding au. Now that she's in her thirties, Claudia's parents are putting their foot down: as their only child, she will be inheriting the throne, and she's going to need a partner as strong as she is. They've lined up candidates. It's tradition.

"Claudia has never forgiven Lestat for not using his magic to bring back her first love, Charlie, years ago, but he hopes he can make amends by introducing her to a beloved fellow countrywoman from his homeland who was…exiled…for being…a traitor?? Louis wants to know what the fuck is wrong with Lestat's head."

--

Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac Extremely Dubious Consent, Hallucinations, Episode: s02e01 What Can The Damned Really Say To The Damned? (Interview with the Vampire TV 2022)

"While traveling Europe with Claudia, Louis hallucinates(/fantasizes about?) Lestat forcing himself on him.

"Can be violent or just disturbing, can be physical assault (I know the hallucinations don't work like that but we can suspend our disbelief) or not include touching at all. Up to you how aware Louis is that the hallucination is his own mind torturing him. The important part is that Louis is really messed up and can only get off while also punishing himself. Bonus points for Lestat being in his bloody post-Mardi Gras outfit, throat slit and bleeding and all."

--

Armand/Lestat de Lioncourt Accidental Marriage, Accidental Bonding, Dubious Consent

"1795 AU. The Great Laws this, The Great Laws that. Magnus never told Lestat that when another vampire overpowers you with a bite soon after your turning, your body imprints on them and you become vampire-married.

"After Armand attacks Lestat at the party, Lestat finds himself craving sex with Armand against his will. He is determined to be strong! Gabrielle rolls her eyes a lot."

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Louis de Pointe du Lac/ Oiginal Male Characters, Armand/Original Male Characters Serial Killers, Recreational Drug Use, Creampie, Felching, Rape/Non-con Elements, Service Submission, Under-negotiated Kink, Humiliation, Drugged Sex

"Louis gets lost in the high and never cleans up/finishes draining his hookups to kill them. Louis isn’t going to fuck him when he’s like this, but Armand dutifully cleans up Louis’s sloppy seconds to feel closer to his maitre.

"additional tags: unnegotiated bdsm, nonconsensual drugged sex (armand/louis’s half-dead hookups), nonconsensual blood drinking (armand/louis’s half-dead hookups)"

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Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac Pregnancy Kink, Crack Treated Seriously

"fantasy m/m non-omegaverse vampire au in which ppl of any sex can get pregnant if they're fertile and are someone who has a uterus because reasons!

"lestat can bear children. louis desperately wants kids. lestat and louis knew when they got married they were not on the same page: children were a hard no for lestat. not having them was a dealbreaker for louis. they really should've sorted that out before they eloped.

"years later louis has one foot out the door when lestat bitterly caves, to louis's single-minded delight. gabrielle and armand are quietly appalled.

"five times louis got his husband pregnant and one time lestat volunteered the idea.

"(i am begging you on my knees for this fic please and thank you)"

[dennisboobs]

i don't think i've discussed this on tumblr before outside of a few offhand mentions, but a while back i put together scraps pointing to the fact that all of dennis' erotic memoirs were written while he was in high school, primarily backed up by the fact that the two additional memoirs posted on the official paddy's pub blog as well as the other two that were adapted into a dvd extra, which either directly mention this

(which makes him 16-17) and explicitly ends with him allegedly having sex with multiple adult women and a tiger, or implies it – dennis saying he drank 12 mugs of "mead" then later saying it was "brandywine", which is very much not mead while also specifically mentioning a non-alcoholic beer sign. the NJ location of medieval times opened in '90; he mentions going with A Companion (which was probably a date he drove there, not mac or charlie,) so I'd place this around the same time (16-17), after he got his license, but before he was legal drinking age.

when he first reads from his memoirs in 4x09, he narrates one that states "she was much, much older than me", and in the dvd extras he also recounts sleeping with a "matronly" japanese woman who also ended up being a "good deal older" than he had thought she was, and notably says, "nestled in her ample womb, i became a man" which has. certain implications.* in the second dvd extra he also says "i'm pretty sure i was her first" re: the random woman who he's picked up, which i'd say was originally written and intended to have taken place when he was significantly younger. obviously the reenactment has them both as 30-something yr old adults, but smut film also has him reprising the role of his 14 year old self, so it's not without precedent. he also starts off saying this is from chapter two, and the prior story was from chapter one, implying both are extremely early on in the memoirs

there's also the fact that charlie had stolen the memoirs for an unspecified length of time, long enough for dennis to comment on how long it'd been since he'd seen them. we can assume he likely stopped writing the memoirs entirely once he got his recording setup, which would've been around the time he moved in with mac somewhere around '98 when they bought the bar, putting him around 21/22. but the earliest memoir we know of dates back to 1991, when he was 14, then another confirmed to be in 1993/1994. additionally we only see him adding to the book when he's institutionalized (which is implied to have been some sort of hallucination, so it's arguable that even happened) and in the dvd extras (with a quill but no ink, so i don't know how that would've worked).

tldr; dennis sleeping with older women while underage was a pattern, possibly before klinsky, definitely after, and all but one of his memoirs seem to explicitly detail this abuse.

*i'm fairly certain this was his account of losing his virginity, and i believe this predates klinsky. if this truly is "chapter one" of the book, then it's more or less confirmed, but this memoir is also an interesting outlier because dennis actually has an emotional reaction after sex and goes back on his ~pinkie promise~ about not falling in love with her. just like with klinsky, she's portrayed as alluring (something that makes up for her age in dennis' eyes, also similar to the memoir snippet we hear him read in 4x09) and there's a heavy focus on her being motherly, but she is very much depicted as predatory as well (particularly via editing choices – clearly depicting her as a cougar – but also dennis' narration), with her seducing him, then Separating Entirely.

[crazycoke-addict]

In Scream (2022), during the opening scene. While Tara talking to ghostface whom was definitely Richie. She mentions movies like Hereditary, The Babadook, It Follows and The Witch. Since she has more knowledge in elevated horror than slashers. However these movies have deeper meaning to Tara than we thought. The Witch, The Babadook, Hereditary is about family grief and loss. The Witch is about the family suffered a loss of newborn. The Babadook is about a mother and son grieving over a father/husband.Hereditary is about the family suffers the loss of two family members. In each movie, after the grief and loss, the family themselves start to become strained themselves although it appears it happened more earlier.

In Hereditary, Annie talks about how he suffered from sleepwalking and almost was going set her children on fire but her eldest son woke up which resulted her to wake up as well. Since than, their relationship has been strained since. In The Witch, the family was banished by the community due to religious dispute. I'm not too sure about The Babadook but there could be something there. In Scream, Tara's family started to strained the day when Sam found old diaries from their mother, Christina. The diaries reveals the truth about Sam's father being Billy Loomis. Sam confronts her mother not realising that Tara's father is standing behind hearing all of this.Tara's father leaves the family than later on when Sam turned 18, she ends up leaving too. I think while watching these movies, Tara felt like somebody understood how she felt without knowing her.

When Sam returned after hearing about Tara's attack. Her guilt and remorse on what happened since she believed she is responsible to her sister's attack has similar to the two older siblings, Thomasin from The Witch and Peter from Hereditary. Thomasin was supposed to looking out for the baby but during playing peek a Boo, the disappears or wandered into the forest. Thomasin felt responsible than later is accused of being a witch by her own family. Peter went to a party where he had to take his little sister Charlie. Not knowing the cake had nuts which Charlie I'd allergic to. Peter drives fast during it Charlie puts her head out. Peter is startled by a dead deer and swerves the car where Charlie hits her head on the pole. While Carpertner don't deal with the loss of a family member passing away. They are grieving over the relationship once had and how Tara had to grieve over the loss of her father and Sam who walked out on her all those years ago.

Hereditary, The Witch and The Babadook all feel like there's this curse upon the family like it's in the bloodline. Hereditary parallels more with Scream (2022), the bloodline in question is actually from the female itself. Annie's mother was the leader of cult that Annie wasn't aware of where the cult member targeted her family to caused distressed and vulnerable on the first born. In Scream (2022), Richie and Amber are doing something similar to Sam. Since their plan is to frame her for the murders by having her get a psychotic breakdown like what happened to her father and grandmother years later. Since, Thomasin was accused as a witch and Peter had to broken. Sam's identity and hereditary on if she might become like her father is similar to all of that. It's in a way of saying that Sam is cursed herself. Another movie I haven't mentioned is It Follows.

While I don't know the full detail of the movie, I know it is about a girl who hooks up with a guy where later on she is stalked by spirits that only she can see. This is message about sexual transmitted disease. The only parallel I could connect Scream (2022) to It Follows is the fact that Christina had Sam when she was teenager which is frowned upon since people see it as throwing your life away. Since we don't know when Sam saw the hallucination billy loomis. He represents the ghosts in It Follows where they don't leave the main protagonist alone. Sam can't use someone like how the main protagonist from It Follows could do to get rid of Billy Loomis. It is to say that Sam is the sexually transmitted disease to her mother.