#he’s winning the baby boy war without even picking up a weapon

[subskz]

that video of channie getting shy oh my GOD!!!! ☹️🥺 it rly blows my fucking mind that people don’t notice how shy and cute he is. he’s literally the epitome of babyboy i’m sick

right it’s pure insanity ㅠㅠ i can kinda understand if someone’s first impression of him comes from when he’s performing since he’s got such a strong presence, but literally just 5 minutes of seeing how he behaves is all it takes to realize what a baby he is 😭

[fireemblems24]

Silver Snow - Final

Alright, so last time last chapter, for Silver Snow. It's been very, very long lol. But I'm sad to see it end.

Alright, so I'm guessing this gravestone thing is picking who I marry?

Annnnd I pick Rhea!

I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous that I forgot which route I needed to rush to her A-Support for, so I'm relieved I got to pick her.

I'll be honest. I have NO idea who we're going to fight on the last map. Before I go to the mission, here's a few guessed: Evil!Edelgard from FEH (though that seems more likely for AM), TWSITD leader, that one dude from the opening cutscene (Nemesis, I believe).

Let's see if I guessed right.

PRE-BATTLE

Rhea without a crown on her head looks weird.

I really wish she got more of a role in this route, not gonna lie.

Is Rhea gonna die? But I picked to marry her. She better not die.

Byleth ruling Fodlan in this route makes sense at least. Especially if Rhea's all sick and stuff now.

Great, Rhea's just a plot-dump instead.

So Rhea this whole time just wanted to see her Mom, poor woman.

So she fused Sothis and Byleth together? Why? Is that what Jeralt was freaked out about in the diary?

Ah, so Rhea created human-like bodies, and upgraded to real babies then? That's kinda shady, kinda illegal sounding.

OH, ok. Thank God. I thought Rhea ran around experimenting on babies. But if it wasn't going to survive anyways, than she actually gave it its only change. So Sothis stone is something like a pace maker for Byleth?

And Byleth's mother actually asked Rhea to do it. This gets less and less sus the more it goes on lol.

Ok, so that explains why Byleth was all weird before Sothis woke up too, because it was only magic keeping Byleth alive.

But . . . if Sothis is inside Byleth, and Sothis is Rhea's mom, and I'm marrying Rhea - does that mean incest? Leave it to Fire Emblem to create the most pesudo-incest-but-not-really-kinda? ever invented. I guess we know what else Holy Wars inspired in this game.

Man Rhea just ran around being like Fodlan's Oprah - you get a crest stone, and you get some blood, and you get some blood! Everyone wins!

OMG Rhea, stop making this incest thing more apparent! Now she's like your mom was my mom, you're my mom, and your dad is also me. Let's fuck. Only Fire Emblem.

So let me get this straight. In part 1, Rhea was nice to Byleth because she saw Byleth as a vessel for Sothis. Claude was nice to Byleth because Byleth could wield a powerful weapon and had a mystery crest. This also seems to be the reason Edelgard was nice to Byleth based on support timing. So only Dimitri really saw Byleth, hunh?

They really went and made the self-insert an actual god lamo.

WTF is going on with Rhea? It's that heartbeat noise again.

Is Rhea going super saiyan?

The power of her crest is taking over her body. OMG is Rhea the final boss? What a random as hell ending.

Does that mean I don't get to marry anyone??

I seriously can't believe Berserk Rhea is the final part of this story. Crazy dragon isn't anything new to Fire Emblem, but how lame. There was 0 build up to this.

I'm not killing Rhea, Seteth.

If Rhea lives though, imagine all the embarrassing stories she's going to have to deal with and endless PMS jokes.

BATTLE

I'm really glad I'm not all split up. It looked that way on the map at first.

Ick, imagine having to drink blood and have some crest stone in you just to get a promotion at your job.

Gotta give Seteth credit for not hesitating to take down berserk Rhea no matter how much it must hurt him.

LAMO Linhardt doesn't want to kill Rhea because of the research potential. Boy didn't change AT ALL since chapter 1. And we love him for it.

This level was super easy - and then you fight Rhea.

If I didn't have Ferdinand Untouchable von Aegir, this would be a whole lot hell harder. I don't even remember the last time he took damage. This and pot shots with archer horses that hit-and-run took her down.

Still MVP is Ferdinand. Full stop.

He was always one of the best I had in SS, but he started falling behind especially Sylvain, but Petra and Lysithea were also beastly.

But Lysithea and Sylvain got gimped this chapter. Nothing physical can touch Sylvain, but all the magic damage meant his tanking was useless and he can't dodge Rhea either. Everything having high res or being immune to magic at first has made Lysithea severely less useful than usual. Petra is still pulling her weight, but it's all about the fact no one and nothing can touch Ferdinand.

38 turns OMG. Ferdie MVP though. As he should. That boy did a beat down on poor Rhea.

OMG. I think - I just beat my first final battle. 😭

3 more to go 😭

Lord give me the strength (especially Crimson Flower - I don't want to kill Dimitri OR Dedue 😭😭)

POST BATTLE

Seteth sounds so worried.

Holy shit, M!Byleth is pretty in this cut scene. He better be in Three Hopes or I riot.

Castle in the Sky vibes there

Oh, God, so awkward, she just called me mom, and I'm about to marry her, oh God they're going to have some weird sex aren't they?

Rhea's wild rampage - poor Rhea. After getting put on a bus the whole time, she comes back to rampage.

Noooo, why is Kingdom and the Alliance gone? The Empire can suck it, little Imperialists.

Where's Rhea in all this though?

So Byleth becomes an eternal pope king?? OMG, that's hilarious.

The art for those cut scenes though is so good. I really liked this last one of pope king Byleth.

S-SUPPORT

RHEA!!!! There she is. Finally. And she's got her crown again.

Why is Rhea asking if it's okay if she's happy??? 😭😭 Dragon lady deserves all the happiness.

I love how Rhea thinks her other form makes her deserve unhappiness. Like, I cannot tell you how long I've wanted to ride a dragon. Like Eragon was straight-up wish fulfillment. Only my desire for a unicorn was - is - stronger.

Pretty sure not "everyone" wants Byleth to lead. I don't remember voting for him.

Rhea, baby, stop putting yourself down :(

She is owning up to her shit though. Just like Dimitri did.

Now it's Edelgard's turn (I already know that's not happening)

HOW is Byleth's fate Rhea's fault? The alternative is dying stillborn. Like, come on, Rhea, you have a lot to own up too, but this ain't it.

Rhea's design is sooooo pretty though. If I was a cosplayer - that one. (but I don't have thighs like that)

RHEA 😭😭😭😭😭

"Now, I wish only for you to be yourself . . . and to have you by my side."

OMG it's the classic FE "stay by my side" which was tantamount to marriage in the old games, because that's ALL YOU GOT.

RHEA GAVE ME A RING OMG 😭😭😭

They're both being so sweet, I can't.

And here's my ring 😭😭😭

This is so damn cute. Do they all exchange rings like this?

Rhea sparkled. I made her sparkle.

Ok, that picture is kinda cringe, but Rhea's pretty, so I'll take it. Now I need to see Seteth's because . . . reasons.

OMG Rhea's such a SAP "I believe that our love can overcome all."

POST-GAME

Sylvain and Ferdinand got MVP the most. Especially Sylvain. Lysithea and Byleth got it a lot too with the occasional Petra and Bernie.

Is it time for paired endings- yes!!

Cyril went o school. Good for him.

And Shamir became Robin Hood lol.

Catherine left, she's salty Rhea married me instead.

Alois became the captain, good for him!

Manuela helped orphans and never married 😭😭😭

People forgot Flayn existed, but eventually called Seteth father 😭😭😭

Seteth helping the people as expected.

Hanneman kept doing his thing and undid Crest supremacy. What a champ.

Leonie took over Jeralst's mercenaries 😭😭 and became an alcoholic, whyyyyy

Oh, wow, Felix paired up with no one. So he just became a mercenary. I forgot, he's my VW dancer. I didn't use him much here.

Anna made money. This is shocking.

LINHARDT and CASPAR - yesssss, I wanted these two. Lamo they traveled the world and nothing changed. With Caspar the himbo and Linhardt their shared braincell.

PETRA and DOROTHEA!!!!! Another one I wanted paired up!!!! So Petra made Brigid equal like the queen she is.

Wait . . . "Dorothea became the one Petra loved the most." There is no way to heterosexual that sentence. OMG 😭😭😭😭😭 They deserve it.

Lorenz and Lysithea - alright I guess. I wanted Lorenz and Leonie, and don't really ship Lysithea with anyone (maybe Cyril?)

WTF ending is that. Lysithea comes up with some queen boss shit and Lorenz gets all the credit? I guess that's what likely happened all the time, but a shit ending for Lysithea. She's sick and her husband gets all the credit. Damn, she deserved better. Way better.

Sylvain and Ingrid - awww, they seemed pushed together, so I'm happy with this. And Sylvain also ended Crest supremacy and went down and an amazing lord.

That's great for him, but I wish we got a bit more of Ingrid in that ending. Marrying Sylvain doesn't sound so bad though.

OMG Ferdinand married Bernie - lolol. Honestly, not so bad. I think it's cute they were engaged. And I think they'll be cute together.

So Bernie ruled Ferdie's territory while Ferdie ran around helping out all of Fodlan. Eh, it's an alright ending.

Now it's me and Rhea, yea

So Rhea's the pope still, and I'm king. That works. And Rhea helped all those who suffered in war and we were boss leaders. Generic, but I'll take it.

I think that's it, guys.

I'm officially done with Silver Snow.

One down. Three to go.

Oh, music time. Now I'm getting emotional. Lord help me when it's AM and it's my last one.

I'll be writing up a review on SS later.

[witchy-jadda]

rott spoilers ahead

so i’ve given myself some time to think about everything and try to process it all and here are some of my thoughts on trollhunters: rise of the titans...

- straight off the bat, i loved the intro. opening with blinky telling the story of what happened up until this point was incredible. i would have loved if they had circled back to this though (i saw someone else say it should have been him telling the story to jim and claire’s kids and i loved that idea!)

- i also liked that they didn’t waste time at the start, instead they just jumped right into the action which was fun.

- honestly, i thought jim’s plotline throughout the movie where he basically thought he was useless without the amulet was just really not fun to watch. i understand why it was there and it played into the climax but i really did not find it one bit necessary seeing as i felt that we have grown beyond that. i felt it was overused. we’ve been there before and jim is aware that he’s the trollhunter, amulet or not.

- douxie being so soft with nari was genuinely one of the most heartwarming parts of the movie. i feel that we were really robbed of so much potential with douxie in this movie though. we didn’t see nearly enough of him. it seemed that the writers were picking and choosing when to remember how powerful he is. switching with nari and connecting to her are two examples of when they actually used his power, but aside from that they just disregarded it a lot.

- and speaking of forgetting how powerful people are... i’m genuinely so hurt and let down over what they did to claire. do they not realise how powerful she is? did they just forget about her character arc? it sure felt like it. she got to use her powers a few times (connecting to nari, portalling the titan, etc) but mostly it felt like she was saying she was spent and therefore unable to do anything. she is so strong and so powerful, and that’s just so empowering - especially for young girls. and then it kinda felt to me that rott was reducing her to basically nothing more than jim’s love interest.

- okay another quick note, it kinda felt to me that krel’s potential was also pretty wasted? he barely did anything and i just think he deserved more too.

- ew okay i don’t even want to think about it but i know i can’t discuss rott without talking about the mpreg thing. seriously, what the fuck was that? at first, i thought it was going to be a joke. i thought aja and krel were gonna wind steve up and see how far they could go with making him think he was pregnant just for a little bit of comic relief. but then he was actually pregnant. and so i laughed, because even though it was dumb it was kind of funny. weird and unexpected, but kind of funny. but by the time the movie was over it just didn’t sit right with me. looking past the fact that it was just more of them making steve’s character into a joke, i couldn’t see the logic in giving so much time to that subplot when other characters (claire, douxie) and other relationships (claire and douxie’s friendship) were sidelined. maybe if he had gotten a whole season the mpreg thing could have been included as comic relief or whatever, but with such limited time i really don’t see the point of wasting so much time on something so pointless. 

- speaking of steve, i need to talk about creepslayerz... they really deserved more :( like i get that eli literally helped steve through child birth and then named one after him which was lowkey adorable but i loved their friendship so much and i was really hoping to see more of them. i was kind of hoping they’d get to do more as well. look i gave up on hopes of a romance long ago (even though i still really wished it would happen) but i hoped that at least we’d see some more of their friendship.

* by this point my brain has decided to forget absolutely every point i wanted to make... cue the brain fog (we don’t like her) and allow me to take a moment to read back and try to find my point again *

- i don’t think i can stress enough how much i loved the visuals in this movie. holy fucking shit it was just phenomenal. like wow. the art was absolutely fantastic and i’m really hoping for another the art of... book because i love the art of trollhunters and i feel that they could do with updating it to include the newer stuff. but yep, the animation quality was incredible and i don’t have a bad thing to say about it because just wow.

- speaking of art... a moment of appreciation for character designs. just wow wow wow. we love to see such intricately designed villains. we love to see growth in our other much loved characters. and the locations too? fantastic. beautiful. amazing. loved it.

- another moment of appreciation for jim. the hair. the scars. the injuries. the winter jacket. the fact that he looked a little older.... loved it. loved it, loved it, loved it. i cannot wait to spend hours pouring over reference pictures to draw them all.

- and claire... her armor being weathered and worn. her eyes!! her hair looked great as always. i just love her...

- nari nari nari... my goodness, her magic is so beautiful. i wish we got to see more.

- also, the jlaire moments were very cute. their kisses? so soft. they literally love each other so much. i adore them.

- what happened to the babies from the darklands btw? is not enrique just chilling in the lake’s house with a ton of babies? 

- barbara deserved better. i would have liked to see her and strickler happy.

- on that note, why the actual fuck did they think a few explosives would win against magic?? literal ancient magic and these dumbasses were like huh i guess we should blow it up. i’m sorry, what?? y’all are stupid.

* currently trying to think of every possible point that isn’t to do with the ending because i really don’t want to think about that yet *

- the whole thing with archie and charlemagne felt super unnecessary. like usually characters sacrifice themselves and it’s like sad and you can see the reasoning and stuff. but they literally could have gotten out. i really did not vibe with that. it felt like they just did that to leave douxie with no one.

- that trollmarket was beautiful though.

- speaking of trollmarket... they really restored the heartstone just like that? are you joking? i was not impressed at all. the heartstone was dead and gone, could not be destroyed. did they just forget that? half the shit in wizards wouldn’t have happened if the heartstone could have been restored. very pissed off by that. it was dead, that was it.

- okay back to jim... love that he pulled the sword from the stone. it was cute that it was a group effort, kinda would have preferred if it was just him but that’s just a me thing. and maybe me and my daylight tattoo are biased here, but excalibur is not half as pretty as daylight.

- not gonna lie, jim yelling come on trollhunters! kinda got me. i was very emotional watching this.

- i think the most in character jim moment of the whole movie was when he dropped excalibur, he didn’t have his armor, he was all alone and he decided to make a fist and fight the wizard/god with literally no weapon or means of defence. i don’t think y’all understand how much i love this dumb self sacrificing selfless boy. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is literally one of my most favourite characters of all time. i love him with all my heart.

- the armor!! wow wow wow. that was a fucking cool scene. beautiful.

- jim getting stabbed or whatever with that fucking spear thing nearly killed me.

- okay here goes... toby. my sweet toby. jim and toby’s friendship is one of my absolute favourites ever. my goodness. and toby getting in the van and going to save jim was incredible and such a toby thing to do. of course he would think of doing that.

- but like seriously... claire and douxie are so fucking powerful and they were both just like lol i guess we can’t do anything to help jim? i’m sorry what?? don’t tell me that claire wouldn’t go full on black and purple eyes and get herself up their to him. i just... i’m so bothered by the fact that they were sidelined y’all :|

- also, do not seriously try to tell me that aaarrrgghh!!! would let toby go on his own. he would have went with him. he would have followed him.

- literally as jim was falling the first thing that went through my mind was oh aaarrrgghh!!! is gonna run up and catch him.

- and while we’re on the topic of aaarrrgghh!!! why tf did they have such a build up that something was going to happen to either him or blinky for literally no reason? wtf

- aaarrrgghh!!! would not have let toby go alone!!! if he had been there, he would have protected toby, he would have saved him and none of that mess of an ending would have happened.

* ugh here’s the bit i was dreading... the ending *

- first off, i am choosing to ignore it.

- time stone? really? we’re... we’re gonna do this? literally one of the most original things i have ever watched is now - at the literal last possible minute - rip off another movie?? really?? whyyyy???

- i literally cannot express how much i hated it. it was so fucking unnecessary.

- he didn’t need to go back that far!!!

- i’m actually trying to block this out but i suppose i have to at least touch on it. jim would never ever put that burden on to toby. he just wouldn’t. before even looking at all of the other issues with toby getting the amulet, i need to say that. it just wouldn’t happen. he struggled so much with being the trollhunter, he wouldn’t put that on toby. 

- also toby literally never wanted to be the trollhunter?? he never wanted the amulet? he wanted to be a duke and have his war hammer and go on adventures with his best friend and his wingman and eat mexican food.

- okay so um i guess they all just forgot about unbecoming? cool cool cool.

- seriously though, was it not established many times that jim literally had to be trollhunter? and if he wasn’t it would be draal and everything would go to shit? did they just forget about that??

- having jim just decide to give toby the amulet literally takes away from the entire meaning behind jim getting the amulet and becoming the trollhunter. the amulet chose jim. merlin chose him. out of all of the creatures in the world, it had to be jim. he can’t just give that to toby!!

- and as much as i love toby, he would not last a day as trollhunter.

- and that’s not even beginning to mention all that jim erased by not becoming trollhunter. no father son relationship between him and blinky. they didn’t stop steve from picking on eli so no steve redemption and no creepslayerz. is he just going to allow enrique to be taken? toby will not have the same incentive to go into the darklands to save him if that’s the case. strickler will not show any sort of sentiment towards toby either. and then the big one...

- IS THAT FUCKER REALLY GOING TO ALLOW CLAIRE TO NOT GET HER POWERS??? WHAT???

- if jim isn’t trollhunter and the whole thing with enrique doesn’t happen then claire will never get her shadowstaff. let’s be real, strickler probably wouldn’t even need angor rot with toby as trollhunter. somehow i can’t see him making it that far...

- if claire doesn’t have her shadow staff then the whole thing with morgana won’t happen. she won’t destroy the shadow staff and then she will never develop her powers. would jim really rob her of that?

- okay i can’t do anymore, it’s too much for me now...

- i touched on this already in a separate post but i gotta say it again... i did not enjoy the destiny is a gift bit at the end. first of all, jim having toby find the amulet literally takes the meaning of that speech and his destiny away instanty. and second, i just could not stand hearing emile hirsch say the words that belonged to anton yelchin. it was just uncomfortable.

aaand i think i’m done. maybe i’ll have more later but i have a headache now from all of this.

[astraltrain]

hey so

we all know tommy doesn't accept pity gifts. that's why he was so willing to simply steal from techno; because he's gathering this stuff for himself, even if he's not doing it honestly. they're his items now. he doesn't owe anyone anything for them, doesn't have to thank anyone, doesn't have to endure being mocked. tommy hates pity gifts. we all know this.

techno knows this too. and tommy's not subtle with what he's doing. techno knows he's been robbed from the second he sees his broken sign, his missing stacks of food and weapons, the gaps where his potions should be. he can hear, can see traces of tommy within the house. tommy isn't subtle. never has been, with anything. techno knows this. they're brothers, after all.

but techno... techno's gave up on violence and betrayal. he's no one's weapon anymore - he's not a tool use to win wars, he's not an in between man, he's not a pawn for people to get what they want. so when dream asks him if he knows where tommy is, he lies without hesitation. and dream believes him, because techno is a monster, isn't he? wouldn't he find it amusing to see tommy broken and alone again? "fine," he says, turning to leave. "let me know if you see him, technoblade. he has to learn his lesson. learn his place. learn who he needs to obey."

and techno quietly simmers at hearing his little brother being spoken about in such a way.

tommy goes upstairs the next day to find a loaf of bread and a diamond pickaxe casually left on the table, along with a pair of netherite boots that he, in his excitement, doesn't realize would have been too small for techno. he takes the items. of course, techno doesn't comment on it. he simply sighs and turns on the ovens downstairs to generate enough heat to keep tommy warm while he smelts some iron.

he stays out longer during the day and walks loudly when he returns, banging doors and whistling so that tommy will hear him and hide again. he leaves out small items day after day for tommy to take. he watches dream furiously hunt for the child, and stays silent and out of the way, like he's supposed to.

he leaves a music disc in the jukebox. he's not surprised to hear it playing very faintly when he returns home that night, although it stops immediately, and resumes early in the morning when he supposes tommy thinks he's asleep.

it's later that techno realizes he maybe should have alerted phil to the situation, on the day where the older man walks into techno's house and finds a terrified tommy sitting at the table with a piece of bread in hand. and while techno has continuously heard tommy through the walls for weeks, while he's heard him talking to himself and ringing his bell and playing his disc when he thinks techno can't hear, he hasn't yet seen him. and fuck, if his littlest brother isn't a mess. his eyes are a dull grey, nearly the same colour as the bags under his eyes. he's bruised and pale, hastily sewn tears in clothes that have permanent stains from soot and mud in them. his hair, previously so golden and fluffy, has lost its colour, and is long and wild, hanging in front of his eyes. and he's terrified. the kid is fucking terrified. techno has never seen tommy shake so hard, has never seen his eyes so wide, has never seen him curl into himself and shrink back to make himself smaller. it's like all his fight and spark has gone out immediately at the sight of his father and his older brother standing before him. like something about them drained all the life out of the kid as soon as they saw him.

when tommy speaks, his voice is so small and broken in a way that techno's never heard from him, not even when he was younger and kids tried to push him off the slide at the playground. "please," he says, too quietly, without any of his usual fire. "don't kill me."

and suddenly he's begging, and he's thrown himself out the chair and flattened his back against the wall, grey eyes darting back and forth frantically, desperately searching for an exit even as he empties his pockets to the floor and holds up both his bandaged, burned hands in front of him. "please, please, fuck, i am so, so sorry, i'll leave you alone, i'll never come back, you can take my armour and blow it up but i don't want to die anymore, i don't want to die please just let me go don't kill me i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry -"

and phil's speechless, one hand hanging half in the air helplessly, though what he was planning to do, no one knew. his gaze lands on techno, and his eyes immediately widen when he sees the look on his son's face. techno isn't surprised. isn't upset. in fact, he simply looks exhausted, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing as he looks upon his cowering baby brother, still babbling with his arms raised as though to protect himself. and it seems both their hearts have shattered a little, seeing the fiery, loud, tommy innit so broken in front of them.

"i'm not mad," techno says, and the words ring throughout the entire house. his tone is flat, and he closes his eyes for just a moment, trying unsuccessfully to calm the yelling voices in his head. he's getting a migraine. "i'm not mad, tommy. i'm also not an idiot. you're not subtle at all, kid, and you're very lucky that i actually don't hate you, and never have."

at this, tommy dares to peek through his fingers, though immediately flinches back when phil takes a step forward to look at the various items tommy's thrown on the ground in front of him. he picks up two things; a photo, and a compass. the photo is of tommy and tubbo, from when they were a little younger, before any of the wars, before everything had gone so wrong. the compass has the words "your tubbo" engraved on it, and shines with a soft purple glow. and phil says "tommy, my boy. what happened to you?"

and this is what makes tommy lower his arms and stand fierce, though his mouth trembles, and he doesn't look either of them directly in the eye. "what would you care?" he spits shakily. "what would you care? you didn't visit me in bloody exile. you didn't give a fuck then. and he -" the boy nods viciously in techno's direction. "he only came to see me so he could mock me. bastard. what the fuck do you care what happened to me?"

techno speaks before phil can, because he knows how angry tommy is, how confused phil is, and how tired he himself is, and he wants to end this before it begins. "you can yell at us later all you want. for now, we all need to sleep. i take it you took the apples i left for you, tommy, but if you need more, i assume you know which chest to find them in. and you can play your music to help you sleep, i don't mind. the sound is kind of nice." a small smile plays on his lips, despite the serious situation. "reminds me of when we all shared a room and you had to play your discs to get to sleep every night. i take it you still do, even now."

the room is silent, briefly. "you knew i was here the whole time," tommy murmurs, stunned, and his eyes finally meet techno's. they're not blue at all. they look more like storm clouds than their old summer days. "and you didn't kill me or kick me out."

phil makes a noise. techno places a hand on his shoulder, gentle, steering him towards the door. "get some rest, tommy," he sighs, and he wishes his head could be clear and silent for once. his temples throb with pain. "we'll talk tomorrow. just get some rest."

"you're not going to sell me out to - to d-dream, are you?"

and it's the way tommy's voice falters on dream's name, the way his sudden brief confidence immediately slips, the way his gaze falls to the floor and he looks like he might be sick that completely solidifies the decision techno had made weeks ago in his head.

"no," he says softly. "i'm not."

[absolutebl]

Linguistic Fun In Thai BL - Pronouns & Honorifics

Pronouns & Honorifics between Thai BL Couples 

Couples that use polite pronouns with each other... 

For example:

I = Pom (the younger male) or own name, Phi or P (the older person)  

You = name (older to younger), P+name (younger to older) or just P (younger to older less formal) 

P’ is technically an honorific but it can also function as a pronoun. 

Note that all the above pictured couples have an age difference? That encourages a certain amount of politeness. You can see our two baby brats (Team & Duen) for exceptions to this. I’ll talk about them at the end.

Dean drops his honorifics a lot, but with everyone not just Pharm. His character is linguistically quite curt. 

Also there is a slight variant in Solo & Gui. Solo adopts the pet name “Guitar” instead of using P’Gui or just P (for you). But he does this only after obtaining permission. So I’m still listing them under the polite-couple heading. 

(Incidentally, Tan & Bunn in Manner of Death use the grown-up polite pronoun khun - you - with each other. Yet another way MoD is not BL.) 

Couples that use rude informal pronouns with each other... 

I = guu

You = mueng

Note that these couples are all the same age as each other? (Just FYI if you travel to Thailand as a tourist, please don’t use these pronouns.) 

Couples that use mixed pronouns with each other... 

Ae uses rude pronouns (guu/mueng), Pete uses VERY polite pronouns (he’s the only character I know who uses rao - old fashioned, cute, formal - for I/me as well as pom). They are the same age so honorifics don’t really come into play. Pete never defaults to rude pronouns even as a form of affection. 

This linguistic difference is used by the narrative to stress the class and income gap between Pete and Ae. Also, Pete’s way of speaking showcases his shyness, stiffness, childishness, and loneliness. Finally, you can also see Pete use formality of address to extract himself from sticky social situations - he is very good with his wai.

Rome uses polite pronouns and honorifics. Pick uses rude pronouns. Which is somewhat okay given Pick is older than Rome, but still amusing as it emphasizes their personality differences. Also it’s one way in which we can see Rome given confidence in Pick’s affection since Pick doesn’t bother to maintain formality but drops to guu relatively quickly. 

Tutor uses polite pronouns and honorifics with Fighter. Sometimes he uses them as if they were weapons to maintain distance. Fighter uses impolite pronouns with Tutor. Again this is a bit more okay because he is older, but also it shows a level of flirtatious interest and allowance. 

Sib uses polite formal adult pronouns with Gene in Lovely Writer (kind of like how you might talk to you parent’s friend, or in an office workplace). You can spot this specifically with his use of khun for you. Gene uses polite-pronouns at first, but they have discussions several times about what is going on, because Gene is confused as to why Sib doesn’t just use P’Gene with him. Gene eventually gets annoyed enough to drop to rude pronouns. Sib states that he intends to eventually call Gene something else and continues to use khun. The extreme variant in their resulting registers is kinda hilarious. 

Sky & Sun in Golden Blood I think are meant to be the same age (or Sun maybe older?) but Sky uses informal pronouns (as if he were older) while Sun uses formal pom etc... This is because of the class difference and the fact that Sun is  household employee. Interestingly, when Sky is imagining talking to Sun in a romantic way he uses P’Sun, but not in person. 

The Linguistic Brats of Thai BL... 

Linguistically Team and Win are adorably aberrant. 

Team drops the honorific P’ with Win almost immediately. While he maintains the use of polite pronouns, he usually calls Win hia. That’s brother as used by some Thai speakers who have Chinese heritage and is less formal than P’Win. It carries with it a certain quality of household intimacy. It is... erm... somewhat cheeky.  

Win, on the other hand, uses rude pronouns, but then he does that with lots of people. 

Win also applies emphasis to polite pronouns to make them seem sarcastic, e.g. nooong Pharm. 

Bohn and Duen are a fascinating pair because they actually discuss honorifics and pronouns as a plot device in their story arc. 

Duen drops the honorific and uses rude pronouns instantly with Bohn, even after realizing Bohn is older than him. This is SO RUDE. It’s difficult to articulate how extremely impolite this is. I think it’s one of the reasons Bohn likes Duen (obviously boy is attracted to brats). 

Duen is the only younger character I have ever seen do this in a Thai drama. (I gasped more at Duen’s pronoun use than the punch that preceded it.) 

This is why Thara is so confused when he encounters them in the clinic. Duen is throwing mueng and guu at Bohn like there is no tomorrow, but Thara knows Bohn is older. 

When Thara asks if they are friends he means intimate close friends of long acquaintance, since it is so unusual to use rude pronouns across an age gap. 

New Section MORE on... 

Thai Pronouns & Honorifics when Seme/Uke is Age Flipped

So this concerns personal pronouns in Thai when the uke/seme dynamic is age flipped. So the older boy (who normally carries the linguistic power/dominance) is the uke (or romantic submissive character). In other words, we are talking about a conflict between linguistic D/s and relationship D/s.

KongpobArthit - SOTUS

MarkKit - Gen Y

MingKit - 2 Moons franchise

SoloGui - Oxygen

SibGene - Lovely Writer

This involves delving into the fact that when Kong and Arthit speak to each other, despite the fact that he is older, Arthit uses pom for I when we expect him to use phi.

On the other hand, Gui usually use phi with his seme under similar age dynamics and relationship circumstances. So Gui is linguistically acting like a polite seme (Dean in UWMA, for example). Kit uses rude pronouns, so he is linguistically acting like a rude seme (Pick in Puppy Honey, for example).

I could only check SOTUS S as SOTUS is off Netflix in my territory and hasn't been uploaded back to GMMTV's YouTube. So I'm not sure if this holds during KongArthit's initial meeting and warring romance.

In the opening sequence of SOTUS S (them waking up together and getting ready for work) Arthit used:

pom and (of all things) káo.

I want to say I'm wrong on the káo because that is very odd for Arthit's character (lovey-dovey and mostly quite girly/cutsie). He also used khun for you at Kong which is super formal, although he mostly just calls Kong by name, and in an annoyed tone. So he's kinda all over the place.

Kong stuck with phi & P'Arthit for you, and pom for I. Which is normal for a younger polite uke character (like Pharm). So Kong is sticking to polite age language rules (and not letting seme influence him).

I think the fact that they both use pom is more an aspect that despite their flipped power dynamic across the age barrier, Arthit is way more agro and tsundere than Gui. (But why not just drop to rude pronouns then, like tsundere Kit?) One would be tempted to say Arthit should push the phi under those circumstances but I think Arthit's attitude is more: I don't even need the phi. It is odd though, you're right. Maybe there's a bit of Arthit still holding Kong at arms length by not using guu/mung with him (which he does use with his friends)? Guu/mung carries with it a certain amount of invited informality that might be seen as encouragement by a younger seme. It's interesting.

I've described Kong and Arthit as coming off as somewhat ace and I think maybe their linguistics are a bit that way too?

Solo/Gui are also skewed tho. Gui refers to himself as phi but pretty much everyone knows that the power dynamic is actually the opposite. Solo makes that clear regularly because he uses the pet name Guitar without honorifics (once he attains permission) constantly, which a younger boy would normally get swatted for as disrespectful. And the way Solo says that pet name is like it's this gift he's been given by Gui. It's clear Solo knows to value the fact that he has been handed the romantic power, and the ability to drop honorifics. But he sticks to pom for I and never crosses that line.

These two are just way more comfortable and settled into their roles and dynamics from the get go. Also Gui is a VERY caring and polite but also occasionally parental and strict for a uke, for all he's a total softie he does act older with Solo regularly. So for all that this is a pretty firm seme/uke dynamic there's flexibility to it around acts of service. Stil Gui’s use of phi for I with Solo probably ties to the fact that he may be uke but he still feels older and wiser than Solo.

Kit uses rude informal with Ming in 2 Moons 2. Ming uses pom for I and phi for you, as if he were younger uke, during his attempts at courting. When they are cuddling or confessing later on in the series (Ep 9 for example), Ming drops the P' and just calls him Kit, no honorific, while still using pom for himself. So that's mixed informality and more what I would expect from a younger seme.

I guess there is at lot of linguistic meat to be had around younger seme's coupled to older ukes in Thai BL, because there is a clear honorific struggle resulting.

I mean Lovely Writer has a whole series of scripted chats about this. Since Sib is clearly an extremely dominant seme what he calls Gene is of deep concern to him. He refuses to use P'Gene (when they meet as adults) mostly because it's too submissive for what Sib wants from Gene. So he defaults to adult very formal Khun in order to cover his ultimate desire (and linguistic conundrum). This also makes Gene seem a whole generation older than Sib, though. And people around them find it weird, especially as Sib doesn’t do this with an other older boys - only gene.

They jump through a ton of pronoun hoops and honorifics during the course of their relationship as a result. They settle into the same pattern as MingKit in the end, with Gene using rude informal guu/mueng and Sib using Gene's name with no honorific and pom for I.

Real world note

Fluke (Pharm) calls Ohm (Dean) P'Ohm even though Fluke is a year older. The actors decided to do this between themselves, presumably partly based on personality and partly placed on the roles they played in Until We Meet Again. They found it easier to keep that dynamic on the promo circuit and have continued since.

Thus strict adherence to phi/nong based exclusively on age is not mandated IRL. Friends/lovers/coworkers/etc.. can alter language for social/cultural or interpersonal reasons. You can hear Santa & Earth on the Studio Wabi Sabi YouTube channel monkey around with this a lot. Earth is much older than Santa, but they very rarely use phi/nong.

That said, both Earth (LBC) and Fluke (UWMA) are out, so that could also come into play linguistically. Argh, so complicated.

Further Reading 

More about the “I” first person pronoun in Thai.

More about the “you” second person pronoun in Thai.

More about the 3rd person in Thai, and the propensity to omit pronouns altogether. 

More about honorifics. 

One last note: 

Third Person Singular = Gender Neutral

Something Thai BL fans don’t often understand early on is that third person singular pronouns are often genderless (it’s rarely she/he her/him, it’s more like singular they/them). 

In other words, Thai speakers self gender and direct gender others in conversation. (”I” and “you” carry gender, politeness, and other cultural connotations.) But Thai speakers do not usually gender others when talking about them in third person (see káo). Despite what you’re taught in remedial Thai. 

Also, many nouns that would carry gender in English don’t in Thai. For example, the word faen is usually translated as boyfriend/girlfriend, but it’s actually genderless and more weighted, like lover+special someone. 

This is why, for example, Dean has to explain to his grandmother that he is dating a man in Until We Meet Again. This is also why translators find it difficult to do justice to the scene at the end of Love Sick 2 when Phun comes out to his dad (or does he?). 

Maybe: “And your lover is serious about this relationship?” 

Final note, I have made an extremely complicated subject as simple as I can for the purposes of greater BL understanding. And my own amusement. Read the articles linked above if you want something more nuanced and professional. 

~ Armchair amateur dilettante signing off. 

Updated to say the the TharnType Wedding Special finally hired a subber who used the Singular They! 

(Incidentally all of this relates to the fact that Thai has registers which are based on many social factors, it’s really fun stuff. BL plays around with them too.)

Others in this series: Explaining Thai to the Bl Watcher, what you might want to know to understand the story and culture.  

Also because the flipped power dynamic of a younger seme with an older uke complicates Thai pronouns and honorifics, I go deep into that because of a question about Kong & Arthit. Also talks about MingKit, MarkKit, SoloGui, and SibGene.

Explaining Thai to the Casual BL Watcher - It Has Registers

Linguistic Fun In Thai BL - Pronouns & Honorifics

BL Actors & Age Dynamics

Thai Pronouns & Honorifics when Seme/Uke is Age Flipped

Thai Honorifics Between Ages in BL and real life

(Original post is kept updated here.)

[ahkaahshi]

how they handle the wedding planning process [scenarios]

pairings: hirugami sachirou; oikawa tooru; miya osamu x fem reader

genre: fluff, humor

warning(s): two swear words. that’s it, surprisingly enough.

Hirugami is well known for being cool as a cucumber under the most intense of conditions. It’s a skill he's refined over the years, and, boy, does it come in handy during the wedding planning process. If you’re stressed, he’s there to calm you down. If you’re doubting decisions you’ve made about your dress, venue, food, or literally anything else, he’s there to reassure you that right or wrong doesn’t matter, as long as the two of you are happy together and in agreement.

Not only is he a seasoned professional in the arts of remaining calm, but he’s also a skilled crafter. Yes, that’s right. This man will go HAM in the arts and crafts department. Think you need to hire someone to make cute invitations and a table decorations? Think again. Hirugami’s on it, and at only the cost of a few kisses an hour. If he’s workin’ overtime, he might request a lil shoulder rub every now and then, but talk about a good rate! Plus, he does a great job and you know what he makes is special because he put his heart into it.

“How’s it going, Sachirou?” you ask with a gentle sigh as you walk into the living room from the kitchen with a bag of chips in hand.

From where he’s sitting on the floor, focused on his work, he lifts his head and directs a gentle smile your way. “Good. I’m almost done with the invitations now,” he responds and returns to his duties once more.

With half a chip in your mouth, you pause for a moment to marvel at the sight before you. At the center of a sea of craft supplies sits your tall fiancé, looking calm and controlled as ever while his nimble fingers place appliqué decorations onto one of the many strips of paper in front of him. He’s wearing golden glitter on his cheeks like war paint and has his crafting weapons--paint, brushes, markers, and ribbon--neatly arranged within arm’s reach. The way he grabs what he needs without glancing away from his work for a second reveals just how much time he’s spent on this project.

Feeling your heart warm at his efforts, you continue walking through the room so you can carefully sit down beside him and spend some time with him. You don’t even have to utter a word for him to know you’re stressed.

“Just get off the phone with your mom?” he wonders. Your arrival warrants a break, so he backs away from his project for a moment and sticks his hand in the bag of chips you’re cradling.

You nod in response to his inquiry and mention, “She’s been driving me up the wall about all the little details. I know she means well, and all, but she’s just stressing me out.”

A hum echoes from behind his lips as his eyes move to yours. You think he’s going to say something reassuring or inspirational once he's finished munching, but, instead, he dips his fingertips into a container of glitter and spreads it across your cheeks in two, long swipes.

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, you murmur, “What the heck are you doing, Sachirou? I need you to stay sane.”

“(L/n), (f/n)--soon to be Hirugami (f/n)--you are now a wedding warrior,” he announces, an amused grin forming across his lips. A moment of silence passes as you mentally question his state of mind. Maybe he hadn’t been the same since he’d left for the craft store earlier. “Which means,” he continues, pausing to press a kiss against your lips, “you’re strong and you can do this, okay? We’re in this together, so I’m right here with you, baby.”

His words and actions bring that reassurance that you’d been seeking in a goofier way than you’d anticipated, but one that you appreciated nonetheless. You utter a gentle promise of love to him that he returns and seals with another kiss placed on your forehead.

“Should I let you get back to work, then, wedding warrior?” you ask.

He nods and replies, “I’ll collect all my hourly kisses when I’m done.”

Oikawa is a methodical guy who always wants to be in control. Because of this, he’ll be just as hands-on in the wedding planning process as you are. In fact, there will be multiple times when you’ll have to tell him to step down, or you’ll argue because of your competing visions. However, his love for you will trump any desire of his to “win”--in terms of disagreements over certain aspects of your wedding--and he’ll always want to pick the option that will make you happy. Though, keep in mind, it may take him a bit of time to understand your point of view and come to terms with it.

While having a helicopter mom of a wedding planner for a fiancé might not be every woman’s dream, he is very helpful and you can always be assured that you’ll never have to shoulder the entire burden of the process yourself. It’s tiring! You don’t want to do it all by yourself, and that’s why you can be thankful that you have someone to share the workload with. If he’s busy at practice/training over the weekend, he knows that you’re working hard at home. Likewise, while you’re at work, you know you can trust him to get things done in your absence. He won’t let anything slip through the cracks, so you’ll never have to worry about the job getting done or any details being forgotten. You’ll just have to make sure you’re planning a wedding for the both of you, not for just one of you.

“No, I don’t like those floral arrangements for the tables.”

Oikawa’s lips settle into a frown upon hearing you express your discontentment with his idea. “Well, I don’t like the arrangement you like, either, (f/n)-chan, so what do you wanna do, then?” he grumbles.

As your gaze wanders around the shop filled to the brim with different varieties of flora and fauna, you take a deep breath of the air tinged with the potent scent of roses. You don’t like the way your fiancé’s looking at you right now or how he has his arms crossed in front of his toned chest as his foot taps against the floor with impatience.

“Tooru,” you groan quietly and shoot a withering glance towards his shoe, “Come on. These aren’t the only options we have.”

He retorts, “But we really don’t have the time to spend looking for another florist. And I think these arrangements are perfect. They match our color scheme and they look classy.”

You shake your head and take your bottom lip between your teeth. “I’m sorry; they’re just not what I envisioned. Besides, we don’t have to find another florist. Why don’t we just go around the shop with him and pick out some flowers we both like?”

There’s a long silence as he wrestles with the idea of compromise and his pride. Getting him to sacrifice the latter is harder than pulling a chew toy out of a pit bull’s mouth. But, for you, he’s willing to entertain the idea that he doesn’t always have to be right, since what he always wants is for you to be happy.

After a few moments pass, the expression on his face softens and his hand finds yours. He takes a long look at the engagement ring glittering on your finger before he presses a gentle kiss against the back of your hand and gives it a squeeze. “Okay,” he concedes, “let’s do that.”

A small smile graces your lips as you peck his cheek and give him a soft pat on the shoulder. “I know you just want everything to be perfect, baby, but let’s work together, okay?”

He murmurs in agreement and plants another kiss on your lips. “As long as I can have my milk bread on the menu, there’s no need to worry.”

“I’m glad your milk bread is worth the cost of including those embarrassing baby photos of you in the slideshow.”

“Don’t remind me, princess. Now, let’s go look at flowers.”

Osamu is more laid back by nature, and, while he’s willing to help, he probably won’t sweat the fact that you two have a huge event coming up. He won’t be getting into a tizzy about the ins and outs of wedding planning, so he often comes off as being apathetic about the whole thing. This can be extremely frustrating for someone who loves to plan and fusses over every, grueling detail of the event. However, it’s important to understand that his hands-off approach comes from his trust in you rather than from laziness.

Because he knows you have everything under control, he’ll be a part of the process by taking on a supportive role. Truth be told, he really does care about the fact that you’re getting married. He wants nothing more than to be with you for the rest of his life. So, if you want an opinion, you can go to him and he’ll help you. If you want him to make a decision, ask him and he will. If you need him to do anything, let him know and it’s done. Otherwise, he’ll just make sure you’re well taken-care of while you handle things.

Oh, and don’t even bother looking into catering options. That’s strictly his department and he’s an expert. Let him work his magic.

Your (e/c) eyes burn with strain as they flicker between the bright screen of your laptop and the notebook resting on your leg. For the umpteenth time that evening, you try turning down the brightness only to find that it was already at the lowest possible setting. This causes a small groan to echo in your throat as you scan the webpage tirelessly for any information you can find about each potential wedding venue you’d been considering.

The only thing that gives you pause is the sound of footsteps padding across the wooden floor behind you. Looking over your shoulder brings your attention to your fiancé, who’s dressed in his sweater and boxers, sporting a disheveled head of dark hair.

“(F/n)?” he utters, steel-colored eyes shifting over to your form, “What’re ya doin’ up? It’s fuckin’ two in the mornin’.”

Shaking your head and brushing strands of your own, messy hair away from your face, you explain, “I was too stressed to sleep. I can’t sleep until I find a good set of venues to look into tomorrow.”

Though he wears a clear look of disbelief on his features, he doesn’t try to stop you, since he knows that won’t get him anywhere. “Fine. But don’t be complainin’ when you’ve got a headache tomorrow, love.”

His words are dry and sharp, but you know the intentions behind them are warm and soft, so you don’t argue or huff in response. Instead, you turn back to your laptop and continue your research.

When you tear your gaze away from your work once more, it’s because Osamu’s at your side, offering you a mug filled with warm tea. “Come back to bed once you’ve finished this, alright?” he bargains as you hook your fingers around the handle and bring the drink to your mouth. You nod wordlessly, and he glances over at the notebook perched on your thigh. “Need any help?”

“I’ll need some tomorrow, but I'm okay for now. Thanks, ‘Samu.”

He places his hand on your shoulder and swoops down to press a kiss against the crown of your head. “I wantcha back in bed by three. If ya stay up later than that, ya start gettin’ all grumpy, ‘nd you know it.”

You chuckle and reassure him, “I know, baby. I promise I’ll be in bed before then.”

“Hey,” he speaks in a tone that’s more tender than that he’s been using, making you look up at him expectantly. “Whatever place ya pick, it’s gonna be great, alright?” You try not to giggle at the way his words are ever so slightly slurred by his fatigue as he continues, “As long as yer happy ‘nd the bank ain’t broken, we’re good.”

“I love you,” you coo against his lips in the moments before they meet with yours.

“I love ya too, babe,” he responds when the two of you pull away, “I’ll be awake, waitin’ for ya ta come back, so don’t be late.”

You scoff, “Oh, c’mon, ‘Samu, you were never awake to begin with.”

He clicks his tongue and places his finger on his chin in an act of contemplation before waving you off and trudging back to your bedroom. “Shit, ya got that right. But if yer up past three, I’ll know it. Trust me.”

[darkfromday]

Back at it again with Kingdom Hearts 3 anniversary fanfic!

Happy 2021, everyone! For anyone who loves Kairi, here—a Kairi-centric fanfic. Sorry she cries so much. But it’s post Melody of Memory sad hours, you know?

The sun is setting, slowly but surely, over the training garden and the majestic golden castle in the distance. It is the end of a very long day, full of sweating and small accomplishments. In a matter of minutes the sun will sink below the horizon and darkness will overtake light.

That means Kairi has only a few minutes left to defeat Aqua in combat.

She's been losing so far, as anyone might expect—Aqua's ice and thunder magic especially have knocked her mercilessly around the field, until Kairi came to resemble a half-drowned kitten with frizzy blood-red fur more than a plucky princess of heart. It makes perfect sense, even if it's frustrating. Though she made great strides under Merlin's tutelage, there is still so much she doesn't know about wielding a Keyblade. Pitting her up against Xehanort and Organization XIII on short notice was bad enough; against a far friendlier opponent with decades of physical and magical training under her belt, Kairi doesn't stand a chance.

Unless—unless she takes Aqua by surprise. Unless she thinks a little deviously, and exploits a weakness.

I know just which one.

Aqua's cartwheel dodge is flawless in battle, highly effective for evading hordes of Heartless, Nobodies, or Unversed. But it has the downside of leaving her upright, flushed and vulnerable for just a fraction of a second. It's not something most people notice in the middle of a fight—not her friends, not her opponents—but Kairi, for whom dodging while attacking is also an essential aspect of battle, took note of it immediately the first time she noticed it.

Her own evasion method condenses her into pure darting light for about the same fraction of time as Aqua's cartwheel, but with the added benefit of making her completely untouchable to an enemy once she's disappeared. So if she wants, she can aim her Keyblade at Aqua now, send an Aerora blast at her teacher, and wait just long enough for Aqua to smirk and dodge out of the way...

...and take her eyes off of Kairi for a second.

Yes!

Kairi taps into the inner warmth she has carried since childhood, and becomes that bouncing ball of pure light again, darting forward to exactly the spot where she knows Aqua will come to rest. When she reforms into herself again, the first thing she sees is the utter shock on Aqua's face as she bounces into place, then rears back at being so close to her opponent.

Kairi doesn't hesitate—she immediately throws Destiny's Embrace forward, watching it spin gracefully, relishing—at last—the sound of the metal hitting skin and not other metal. By the time she has warped forward to catch her blade and continue the attack, Aqua has recovered enough from her new bruise to conjure a giant tsunami of water over their heads, facing Kairi.

Oh no!

The water shivers threateningly, dangerously—then crashes down.

A blazing, brilliant sphere surrounded by pink stars materializes just in time to part the waves—Kairi's own Barrier magic, adopted and adapted from the perfect sphere Aqua manifests when she wants to cancel an attack by standing still. She holds her free hand out, maintaining the shield as long as possible, and gathers all her might to push the light outward and overwhelm her foe with a counterattack—

—and unexpectedly, the top of her Barrier takes a slap from a stronger new wave, and cracks.

Water rushes into the shield faster than Kairi can dispel it; she yelps as she's submerged and dragged to the other end of the garden in a giant spinning bubble.

It takes time, far too much time, to aim her Keyblade down, set off a blast of air to escape her bubble, and then turn the sloshing mess of water into steam so her footing is steady again when she lands back on the grass. By the time she's twirling her weapon and getting ready to warp back across the garden to re-engage, a huge bell begins tolling from far away.

"Enough," Aqua says, setting off brief sparks in the air with her Keyblade, Stormfall. She points to the moon rising slowly but steadily in the distance. "You fought well, Kairi. But the sun has set, and I'm still standing."

Kairi droops as sadly as her damp hair. Which means she's won... again.

"That's all for today."

                                                             ✯

The next day will be better, Kairi tells herself in the shower. Every fight is a lesson. Every lesson gives me experience. Tomorrow I'll improve. Tomorrow I'll win.

Except she's told herself this many, many times before. And thus tomorrow, when it becomes today, dawns bright and clear and damp from the evening rain, and Kairi spars with Aqua all day long only to lose to her at moonrise (again) after a whirlwind of angry fire flowers.

When they go back to the castle again to rest and recover, Terra is nice enough to lend Kairi his worn old punching bag to swing and swear at for the rest of that long, sleepless night.

...Another tomorrow, then.

                                                              ✯

But she loses horribly the next day, too.

And the next.

And the next.

                                                              ✯

Loss number six.

Kairi grinds her teeth until they ache, so that she won't scream out all her fury and frustration instead. Nearly a week of losses, in a larger month of the same. And any experience gained isn't enough. Day after day after day passes, with no change.

Well.

Actually, the only change that occurs is exactly how she gets whipped in battle. Sometimes it's with magic, on their spell-only spars. Sometimes it's with physical attacks only, when they play a Struggle-similar game where the person with the least bruises and orbs lost wins. And one time they even forego their Keyblades entirely, opting to wrestle each other instead—and Kairi still fails because Aqua is older and smarter and stronger, and she has this little trip kick that's impossible to avoid.

She doesn't hop up immediately from the ground this evening, like she'd done in the past. No. Kairi just sits, and bows her head, and bites her lip hard enough to bruise.

Aqua trots over, flushed but otherwise mostly unscathed. "Kairi?" she ventures carefully, trying to bend to see her pupil's face. "Let's go inside. It'll be full-dark soon."

"...What's the point?" Kairi whispers. "When I'll just be back on my butt in a few hours anyway? No thanks. I'll just stay out here."

"What? Where's this coming from?"

"Oh, I don't know!" Her voice gets higher, and wobbles, not used to remaining in that register for long. "Maybe from losing for the sixth time in a row after barely marking you at all? Maybe from making absolutely zero progress as a Keyblade wielder after everything that's happened?"

"Kairi..."

But she can't stop; her cheeks are hot and her vision starts to blur. It's too much. It's all too much. "Maybe it's from being unable to hold my own in a simple sparring lesson while my friends, my best friends, are out alone in another whole new world I'll never ever ever be able to reach at this rate, fighting who knows what?! Please tell me, Master Aqua, because I'm not having much luck figuring it out myself!"

Kairi raises her arm and hurls Destiny's Embrace away. It disappears in a flash of tiny flower-shaped lights, and doesn't come back to her hand.

Aqua's speechless, apparently, because she doesn't say anything else for a while after saying Kairi's name. Just steps closer and closer, until Kairi's bowed head comes up to her thigh-high stockings, and waits for a while. Kairi doesn't speak or move—until she feels a gentle pressure moving over her hair, picking out the day's mud and twigs, and smoothing the rest down. Like an older sister, or the mother she doesn't remember, or the grandmother she scarcely sees these days.

The dam breaks open (just a little) and she feels more scalding tears race down her cheeks. Kairi hasn't cried, really cried, since the night she found Riku again after so long apart. And before that, not since she'd let go of Sora's hand in a world of darkness, forced back to the islands while he went on to worlds mysterious. But both those times there was at least one precious person with her to dry her tears, or at least encourage her not to let her sadness bring her down for long. At least back then there was a shining certainty that the three of them would be together again.

Now, she has no one. Sora is still gone without a trace, and Riku's trail of clues manifested a path for him to take to find Sora—without her.

No... that isn't fair.

He'd wanted her to go with him. She'd seen it in his eyes. After so long fighting by himself, Riku seems ready and willing to accept any companionship he can find in the long war against darkness, or disorder, or separation. And despite everything, Kairi is still one of his best friends—one of the precious people he wants to protect. But that's also the problem.

She hadn't been ready to join him yet. To become a fellow fighter instead of a powerful-but-tiny burden. After a year asleep in her memories, after nearly being defeated by a phantom from her own mind in that same year, Kairi could not yet be called strong enough to venture out to her own worlds mysterious to find the boy who helped her fight that phantom. It made sense that Riku wished her luck with her studies and left her behind. Barring a few brushes with Xehanort's lackeys, Riku has always been the sensible one.

But sensible makes my heart ache.

So Kairi sniffles out her fear and frustration, wiping angrily, fruitlessly at her face as the tears outstrip her attempts to control them. And Aqua keeps stroking her hair, stopping only once to offer her a folded baby-blue handkerchief. It's well past sundown by the time Kairi feels calm enough to look up from her knees and meet her Master's kind, patient eyes.

"I'm—I'm—sorry," she hiccoughs.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Aqua says. Calm. Reassuring.

"I do. I'm weak. Too weak for—for what I want."

"I don't think so. I think you're exhausted, and upset, and you have every right to be. A lot's happened to you in such a short time, hasn't it, Kairi?"

Kairi hiccoughs again, but shrugs.

Aqua's blue eyes are very, very soft. "You won't benefit from a night of shivering out here. Will you come and have a sleepover with me? I think... we have a lot to talk about tonight."

Kairi is tired, and upset, and curious, and is not a princess used to "roughing it" in the wilderness yet—so, after a long pause, she agrees.

                                                              ✯

Ventus, always shy around Kairi, is kind enough to have a slice of ice cream cake waiting for her when they pass through the kitchen on their way to Aqua's room. She suspects that Aqua (who typically stays outside all day with her) must have some way of communicating with her best friends across long distances to make this possible, and feels a twinge of jealousy that she has to squash to give Ven the grateful smile he deserves.

Ever since stating her intent to study with Aqua in this world, Kairi has more or less lived here—a dusty tower room with soft earthy palettes is her second home since 'leaving' Radiant Garden as a child. It was difficult to say goodbye to her island friends, most of whom have spent more time missing her the past few years than seeing her—but it was what was necessary to become stronger. To get to a level where she couldn't—wouldn't—be left behind anymore.

The tower room remains empty tonight. Instead, Kairi follows Aqua down the key-patterned hallways of another tower entirely, until they reach the Master's room.

"My old room," Aqua always clarifies, whenever anyone refers to it that way. Probably because the Master's room, Master Eraqus' room, is a shut-up old thing that none of his three disciples go near, ever.

Kairi knows it is out of respect, but wonders if it isn't out of fear too. She has it hard enough trying to walk the path of self-improvement that Sora and Riku walked before her; she can't imagine what it would be like to try and inhabit a dead man's space along with his title. Or what it's actually like for Aqua to try and emulate a man whose training with the Keyblade will always be better and deeper than anything his students, and their students, might accomplish on their own.

"It gets really cold up here this time of year, so I've got plenty of blankets!" Aqua chirps. "We can set up wherever you'd like. Even in my bed if you're comfortable with that."

Kairi is, but she doesn't feel brave enough to say so, so she works some tiny magic instead. With a crook of her finger, a tiny tug of Gravity magic, all the colorful blankets she could ever ask for leap off Aqua's bed and make a nice comfy pile on the plush carpet.

"Are you sure this is okay?" she asks afterward. Because, well, she's late asking, but best to be sure.

"Looks perfect."

Aqua is a very graceful young woman; every move she makes appears deeply thought out even when it's casual. She looks like a gymnast finishing a routine as she lowers herself to the floor and pulls a threadbare pink blanket especially close.

"Come on," she encourages. Kairi sits down right next to her, close enough that their shoulders rub together and produce a tiny spark of static electricity. They both jerk away from each other a second, then laugh softly. Any awkwardness that followed them into the room is dispelled. It means Kairi can finish her Double Crunch ice cream cake without feeling out of place.

"Okay," Aqua says. "Just you and me now. No spectators. No wizards. No expectations. Will you tell me what's wrong?"

Kairi almost doesn't.

But... there's really no one else she feels comfortable confiding in about this. No one else that will understand. And though she doesn't remember it well now, Aqua is one of the first friends she ever made.

She stretches the words out on her tongue. "I'm... falling behind again. No matter how hard I try to catch up."

The older girl is silent.

"The first time I went on an adventure, I was locked securely away in Sora's heart," Kairi recalls, slowly. "Riku left first—like always—and Sora followed him looking for both of us. And he grew up on that journey in a good way—a strong way. But even though I was with him all along, I didn't gain the same experience that Sora did. I don't have... his skill at using the Keyblade, or connecting so easily and wonderfully with strangers."

Aqua's lips quirk upward. "I think that's a skill unique to Sora alone." She's probably remembering the way Sora rescued her from the deepest depths of the Realm of Darkness.

"And Riku... Riku worked so hard to overcome the darkness in his heart, to try and remain the boy we love so much. He struggled to atone for things we didn't even blame him for. He learned how to harness both sides of an incredible power. I was... am... so proud of him. Of both of them. But I..."

"Yes?"

"I... don't have a story like that."

"You don't need to," Aqua says encouragingly. "No two Keyblade wielders have the exact same journey, no matter how similarly they may start out. You've just proved that with Sora and Riku. They're best friends and they went on completely different paths. The same will be true for you, when it's your time to have a proper journey."

Okay. But... still...

"Even if that's true... it doesn't change how I feel. I'm always the one left behind." Kairi feels her eyes well up against her will.

Aqua opens her mouth to say something—and nothing comes out. Instead her mouth forms a silent Oh. It seems she finally has an idea of just what Kairi is driving at.

"It doesn't matter if I'm a princess or a Guardian of Light. At the end of the day, Sora, Riku and I always get separated! And usually that means Sora and Riku are fighting whatever threat is trying to tear apart the worlds, while I wait behind a door and rub my good luck charm raw and hope they come home. That little bit of peace we had after Sora and Riku defeated Xemnas and made it back to the islands was a dream... and like every dream it ended way too soon. Different paths... seldom let their travelers meet up again."

She sniffles again, and Aqua immediately pulls her into a tight hug under all their blankets.

"That's why I asked Master Yen Sid to send me to you instead of Merlin. Not just because you're wonderful, and strong, and the best choice to teach the rest of us how to be Keyblade Masters. Because you were like me. You, Terra and Ven were kept apart by one man and the most complex plan in all the worlds. You understand what it's like to be separated from your friends for a long time—left behind—unable to reach them no matter how hard you try. And... you're the only person I know who didn't stop fighting until you got them back anyway."

"Oh, Kairi." Aqua's own eyes look a little watery now. "Getting them back was the hardest thing I've ever done... it was us against the world for so long. And then Master Xehanort enacted his plans, and Master Eraqus was dead, and it was me against the world... and I nearly gave up. There was just so much darkness. I came through, but it wasn't easy."

"But you did get through it."

"Yes. But not just by being strong or magically talented. Or good with my Keyblade."

"But—but Aqua—"

"Kairi," Aqua says. "I'm... I'm flattered that you think so well of me, really I am... but I don't know how I can help you. I don't know what you want me to do."

"I want you to teach me how to get stronger like you did!" Kairi blurts. "How to beat you when we train. How to be someone who can fight with my friends, instead of staying behind waiting for them to fight for me."

Her words echo in the still air.

Please, Aqua. Help me.

It's very quiet.

Say something.

Aqua keeps hugging her. She rubs Kairi's hands and rests her chin on Kairi's head. Kairi doesn't realize how much nervous energy she's still carrying from the fight until it starts draining away under the older girl's patient ministrations.

"Kairi... you're right. Just like you, I know what it's like to lose your friends—and to feel like you'll never catch up to them or be with them again. But there's something else you have to understand too, okay? Something very important."

Kairi strains her ears...

"I can't turn you into me. I can teach you all my magic, show you all the attacks I ever learned, but that's not a guarantee of anything. You could beat me, Terra, Ven, Lea, Roxas, and Xion in a hundred matches starting tomorrow and it still wouldn't mean you had what you needed to stand side by side with Riku and Sora."

What...?

Aqua exhales slowly. "This is just a reminder. You know this already. The most important thing to have as a Keyblade wielder isn't physical strength, or magic, or intellect, or charisma... it's heart. Strength of the heart."

Kairi shivers. A burst of familiar warmth, of light, has just flickered in her chest, as if reminding her it is still there.

The older girl lifts one hand up to brush a long lock of blue hair away from her forehead before she goes on. The uncharacteristic fidgeting tells Kairi what she's thinking about before she puts it into words. "Me, Ven and Terra... Master Xehanort was able to split the three of us up because we forgot to trust each other's hearts. We forgot to use our love for each other to cut through the darkness. By the time we came back together, it was too late... Xehanort had basically won. And we were destined to be apart for over a decade."

Earlier in the day, the evening even, Kairi might have cut in here, to say something about how Aqua's power and prowess still came through when she needed them most—but just like Aqua understands Kairi's anguish about being cast aside while her boys fought great battles, Kairi thinks she is beginning to understand that to Aqua, during all those dark lonely years, her training really hadn't been enough.

Being able to fight isn't the same as having the will.

"Fighting the Shadows was muscle memory, after all that time fighting the Unversed," Aqua recalls. "The only thing difficult about it was how never-ending it was. That's how the darkness gets to you, really; it tires you out, makes you think that giving in might be easier than resisting. And for me, the temptation to give in was strong. I thought my friends were already lost to the darkness anyway. Why not join them?"

Kairi squeezes Aqua's other hand. Aqua squeezes back.

"Terra and Ven were the ones who saved me then. And I remembered... why I was fighting in the first place. Why it was all so important. So that the people I held closest in my heart could be safe and happy. So that one day we might achieve our dream and be Keyblade Masters together. ...That's what you really want, isn't it Kairi? Not the power to stand with them, but the heart to do it."

Kairi's lips tremble as she nods.

"Yes."

Aqua turns Kairi around to face her, placing a finger on her heart. Her whisper is reverent. "You already have that."

"No—I don't, Aqua. I can't."

"You do. You're the strongest person I've ever met, Kairi. There are others who don't have the strength to follow their dreams, you know. Typically they give up and accept whatever limitations they think they have... they never find out if they could be something more after all. But not you. No matter what happens to you—if you're hurt, kidnapped, challenged, if your very heart is stolen away—you keep fighting! You keep finding your way back to your friends. You've even saved Sora and Riku when they were on the brink of dying or giving up themselves!

"That's why you have to stop thinking of getting stronger in terms of just training and learning spells, or defeating other wielders. You may not have always been able to summon a Keyblade and stand beside your friends, but you've always—always—made the best of what you had. And sometimes, just being the one to light the way home is the strongest thing a person can be."

The warmth in her chest spreads, and she feels teary for maybe the hundredth time today. Kairi has never ever considered herself strong before; not in the way Sora or Riku is strong, anyway. No, she's always felt like a little kid holding them back from their true potential—yet desperate to catch up and preserve their childhood bond. No one has ever told her she is already strong enough to stand with them.

It's the nicest thing Aqua has ever said to her.

"We should get some sleep," Aqua says, after looking at a clock in the corner of her room and sighing. "It's really late. But I want you to really think about what I've said, Kairi, about strength of the heart. I can teach you everything I know, but the power that will reunite you with your friends isn't something I can give you. It's something you have to find inside yourself. And in the meantime, I'm sure Sora and Riku will carry you in their hearts until you're all together again."

Kairi's smile is more radiant than the moonlight. They cuddle close, even though she's so warm inside she really could go without the extra heat. "Aqua... thank you."

"You're welcome. Now—bed!"

"Okay, okay!"

                                                               ✯

The next day is cold and cloudy, and Kairi loses mid-afternoon when Aqua conjures a tornado twenty feet high and uses it to blow her off the mountain.

But instead of brooding or crying, she smiles.

I'm strong enough to win, she thinks. This battle and any other. Whatever it takes to find Sora and Riku, and fight alongside them. I just have to find that strength.

Kairi's muscles are sore, her hair is a mess, and her Keyblade is freezing to the touch; but her heart is bolstered. She's worked this long already. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

She will try again tomorrow.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Field of Poppies Part 7

Summary: After being apart for six years, childhood friends Tommy and Amelia reunite under odd circumstances. Tommy is an outspoken young man and Amelia is pregnant and out on the streets. The bond of family can be unbreakable but it is tested often. Especially when Europe descends into war.

Part 7: Amelia decides on a name for her baby, Tommy decides on a name for his gang. 

             “Look at that.” Amelia folded the knitted blanket over the railing of the cot. It had been a present from her employers at the grocery store. They had given her a couple of months off of work so she could deliver the baby and get settled. “All ready.”

            Tommy was sitting on the chest at the end of her bed. “Just need the baby now.”

            She smiled and rested a hand on her swollen abdomen. “Couple more weeks.”

            “Are you nervous?” He asked.

            “I don’t know.” She admitted and adjusted the sheets on the cot. It was perfect, just waiting to cradle the little boy that was due. “I suppose I am but it feels okay, lie everything will be taken care of.”

            “It will be,” Tommy promised. “You don’t need to worry about a thing.”

            Amelia went to sit on the bed, leaning back on her hands to try and ease the ache in her lower back. “I can’t imagine how things would end up without you, Tom.” She murmured softly.

            “You’d be alright.” He stood up and stepped in front of her. Cautiously, he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Although they had confessed their love to one another the month prior, neither of them took a step to show that affection. Either because they were always surrounded by family or they weren’t sure what to do. How to allow things to begin.

            Tommy and Amelia were very familiar with one another, being friends for so long. But being in love was so different that they almost had no clue how to handle it. It was new territory. Tommy had flings before, girls flocked to him. A combination of blue eyes and a reputation for trouble was alluring. But with Amelia, it was different. Tommy saw a future, which was very unlike him. Most of his plans were related to lifting his family out of the slums of Birmingham. He wanted to make others understand the hardships of the working man. But with Amelia, he saw a personal future.

            She took his hands in hers. “I was thinking about what we could name him.” The change of subject brought Tommy out of his thoughts.

            “Yeah?”

            “Remember I told you about the woman at the fair who I talked to for a bit?”

            “With the baby?”

            “Right, Maxine. I was thinking we could name him after her. I mean if Polly’s right about the gender.”

            Tommy chuckled and gently grazed his thumb over her knuckles. “She’s never been wrong yet. Me mum said she knew what gender each of us would be months before we were born.”

            Amelia smiled. “Well, then we’ll have to name him Maxwell. Max for short?”

            “That sounds like a fine name.” He agreed. Tommy didn’t want to suggest naming the boy after his father and he had a feeling she wouldn’t want to name him after her father either. Neither of them was a role model.

            “Maxwell Thomas Shelby.”

            Tommy looked surprised, wondering if he’d heard her right.

            Amelia looked a little sheepish. “I mean if you don’t mind if he takes your last name. I didn’t really want to give him mine.”

            “I wouldn’t mind at all but…you want to give him my name too?”

            “Why not?” It was a no-brainer to Amelia.

            “I just-” He shrugged and realized he was at a loss for words. The simple act of giving the boy his name was just solidifying the future he would have with Amelia. It was exciting but also petrifying. For the first time in his life, he was thinking about ‘forever’ and not just the brief moment. Everything suddenly had long term consequences. Things he couldn’t walk away from. But he didn’t want to walk away. He wanted to be by Amelia’s side forever. “I’m never gonna leave you, Mel.”

            “I know you wouldn’t.” She looked up at him, trust in her brown eyes.

            Tommy, overcome by the moment, threw caution to the wind. He helped her stand up from the bed so he could kiss her.

            Amelia let go of his hands and for a moment, he was afraid she was going to push him away. But instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck so she could bring him as close as she could.

            It was a thrilling moment but Amelia also felt exceptionally safe. As if Tommy could keep her completely out of harm’s way as long as he was near.

            And back then, Amelia thought he could.

 ~~~~~~~~~

            The betting shop was gaining attention fast. But Amelia was purposefully kept in the dark. The less she knew, the better. And Tommy knew it wasn’t to mislead her or be deceptive. He just didn’t want her to worry about any of the business side. He wanted her to live a comfortable life removed from any of the danger the betting shop might garner.

            Tommy and Arthur had spent a lifetime learning to defend themselves. But they needed to become better. More ready. That’s when the idea of concealing razor blades came up.

            “Coppers can take guns ‘n shit, but what if they can’t find any weapons on us even when we’re still armed?” Arthur mused in the empty betting shop with Tommy one night after closing.

            Tommy posed this to Great Jurossi who worked at her family’s tailor shop. After becoming a loyal member to the union cause and the communist party, the young woman trusted Tommy. So, she didn’t question his reasons for wanting a concealed weapon. The streets of Birmingham were rough, a lot of people had weapons.

            She came back with a prototype of sorts. One of Tommy’s flat caps with two razor blades sewn into the brim. A suitable weapon and a clever one as well.

            And it worked a dream when one of the Birmingham Boys came around talking shit.

            Two weeks after the Appleby Fair, Tommy was accosted by a man who told him Billy Kimber didn’t appreciate his territory being threatened.

            It wasn’t a fair fight, especially since the man hadn’t even reached for his gun before Tommy slipped his cap off. Adrenaline pumping, Tommy gouged the man’s eye out.

            The man screamed as he clutched his face, blood pouring down his hands and arms. He fell to his knees in agony.

            Tommy, his heart pounding like nothing he’d felt before, stood over the man. He clutched his flat cap close, the man’s blood dripping from the blades. “You go back and tell your boss, to never fuck with the Peaky Blinders.” He said in a ragged voice before taking his leave.

           ~~~~~~~~~~~

            The name was pieced together by Tommy. Although he took two separate comments from Greta and Arthur and pieced them together.

            “It’s got a blade peeking out the top,” Greta said as she showed him what she’d put together. “So you need to be careful with it now, if you grab it the wrong way, you’ll cut your hand.”

            Peek.

            “Fucking hell,” Arthur said when he examined the cap. He held it firm in his grip. “You could blind a hundred men without skipping a beat with this thing.”

            Blind.

~~~~~~~~~ 

            “That’s a fucking stupid name,” Freddie remarked from his spot on the front stoop.

            “I weren’t asking your opinion. That’s what we’ll be known as.” Tommy insisted. “People will remember it.”

            “Yeah,” Arthur agreed. “From Brighton to Blackpool, everyone will know the Peaky Fucking Blinders!” He crowed proudly.

            Danny laughed. “So, we’ll have a uniform then, like those cavalry dicks?”

            Tommy shook his head. “The hat isn’t a uniform, it’s a weapon. And a damn good one.”

            “Yeah, he cut a Birmingham Boy so badly, he won’t ever fucking see again.” Arthur grabbed his younger brother by the shoulder and shook him playfully.

            “You did what?” Freddie’s eyes widened. “Tom, Billy Kimber owns the racetracks, what are you bloody thinking by cutting one of his men?”

            “He was on our territory,” Tommy answered simply with a shrug as he lit his cigarette with a match and shook Arthur off.

            “Territory-you don’t have any fucking territory.” Freddie protested. “You’re biting off more than you can chew.”

            “I know what I’m doing.”

            “You could do more with Greta. You’ll have people who will be backing you up, Tom. It’ll help Small Heath more.” Freddie argued.

            “That’s the end goal, mate,” Arthur said. “We’re helping more than those bastards in the Commons ever will.”

            “Greta knows the extent of the law,” Tommy spoke after a long drag from the cigarette. “As do we, but we choose to not follow the law because the law’s never helped us. If we play by their rules, they win. If we play by our rules, we win. Then they’ll have to pay us some attention instead of kicking us to the dirt like they have for generations. But you can’t build Rome overnight, aye?”

            Freddie looked displeased but just shrugged.

            “Who’s building Rome?” Amelia came down the sidewalk, only catching the tail end of what Tommy was saying.

            “Geez Louise, Mel, you’re ‘bouta pop!” Danny remarked.

            Amelia rolled her eyes. “I’m well aware, Danny.” She giggled. Indeed, it was so close to her due date. In fact, it was a miracle Polly and Tommy had let her go for a little walk up and down the block. Tommy was afraid she might go right into labor down the street.

            Tommy ditched his cigarette so he could help Amelia up the front stairs. “Yeah, should be any day now.” He was hoping she would forget anything she heard if he didn’t mention it.

            “Oh, Tom, you’ve got a stain on your hat.” She noticed. “Want me to clean it?”

            “No, no, I can do it.” He waved her off. He wondered if she’d noticed his wariness around his hat. Ever since Greta had sewn in the razorblades, he’d made extra sure to know where it was, never just tossing it to the side. The last thing he wanted was for anyone else to pick it up and see what had been added, worse even, they might accidentally cut themselves.

            “I don’t mind.”

            “You need to be resting.” He said and walked into the flat behind her. “How are your feet?”

            “They ache, I guess.” She was a bit suspicious of how quickly he was to change the subject. “Is something the matter?”

            “I’m just…” Tommy had a hard time meeting her eyes. But that was a mistake because it made Amelia zero in on the brim of his hat.

            “Tommy?” She reached up to slip his hat off his head.

            “Mel, stop.” He tried to stop her but she was too quick.

            “What is this?” She inspected the brim with confusion. “Are these-Tommy!” When she pushed back the fabric of the cap, she could see the distinct lines of a razor blade. “Tommy, what the fuck are you doing with bloody razor blades in your hat?” She exclaimed.

            “Sh, sh, c’mon.” Tommy tried to quiet her so Polly wouldn’t hear the conversation. His aunt didn’t know anything about the Birmingham Boys or the Peaky Blinders.

            “No don’t shush me! I deserve an explanation for this!” She shook the hat in his face.

            “It’s just a precaution.” He said calmly.

            Amelia made a noise of displeasure and she pushed his cap back toward him. “I told you this betting shop was a bad idea, Tommy, it’s only going to get you into trouble. What happens when you’re arrested? You said you were going to be there for me and the baby!”

            “I’m not-Mel, I’m keeping my promise. But this money is going to be good for the family. I’m not going to be my father. I won’t let the baby go hungry every night like we did.” He asserted.

            “We can make do without getting into trouble,” Amelia argued. “This isn’t the only route.”

            “You’re right, but I’m not going to waste me life working for no compensation. If we rely on jobs in Birmingham we’ll never get anywhere. We need to rise above this, Mel, and this is how we’re going to do it.”

            Amelia looked uneasy. “It doesn’t feel right that you need to carry weapons with you.”

            “I’m sorry, but it’ll be alright. You won’t have to worry about me.” He touched her cheek gently and kissed her forehead. “Just trust me.”

            “I trust you.” She said quietly. Though her world had been shaken, Amelia had no clue what was to come.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997

Tag list: @shelbyblinded

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[demigodsanswer]

Out of curiosity, any headcanons on Clarisse's backstory?

I do! I’ve written about some of these before, so some might be repeats. 

Her mom (Madeline) was a dancer with the Paris Opera ballet when she met Ares. She was 29. They only spent the night together. He had told her that he was a god, but she thought it was some bad pick up line. 

When they were done, he made some comment about her having his baby, and she realized that he had lied about using protection. She was so angry (she’s a very angry person) that she stabbed him with one of her kitchen knives, which, of course, did nothing. 

Ares just smiled and took the knife from her, before handing her a celestial bronze knife. He said “This is the only thing that will protect your son. Hold onto it,” 

So she stabbed him with that knife. This time, it did something. Still, he just smiled and handed the knife back to her, and said “This bodes well for me. Your son’ll be fierce,” 

“How do you even know I’ll get pregnant? How do you even know it’ll be a boy?” 

“Just do,” 

Five months later, she smiled when she found out it was a girl. 

Madeline wasn’t from France. Her family was distantly French, but they had lived in America for 400 years. Her parents were from Phoenix. She moved to Paris for dance training when she was 15. 

Madeline never wanted to be a mother. She wasn’t a bad mother, but she wasn’t a great mother either. She spent a lot of Clarisse’s childhood focusing on her career instead of Clarisse. 

She also made Clarisse take dance as early as three. Which wasn’t really surprising to anyone, considering Clarisse was basically raised in ballet studios. 

When Clarisse was six month old, Madeline started dating another man in the company (Jean). They were together for seven years, and Clarisse grew up believing he was her real father. He treated her like she was his daughter and loved her fiercely. He was planning on adopting her when he and Madeline got married. 

Madeline swears she didn’t know that Clarisse thought Jean was her birth father, but Clarisse think’s that’s just impossible. 

But when Clarisse was seven, Madeline got a call that her mother had stage-four lung cancer. Her father asked her to come home (”You’re 37. Your dance career is almost over anyway,”) to help take care of her. 

Madeline agreed to go home until her mother passed. No one expected her to live for more than a year. So she and Jean put their engagement on pause and she moved back to Arizona with Clarisse. 

Her mother lived for another two and a half years. 

After the first year, Madeline decided to call off the engagement when Jean offered to move to Arizona to be with them. He was only 32 and still had years of dancing left and he was from France. Madeline didn’t want him leaving France to be with her when she didn’t know how long they would be there or if she would ever come back. 

When she told Clarisse, Clarisse got angry and yelled and asked to move back to France to live with her dad. Madeline ended up shouting back at Clarisse until ran off to her room. Madeline went to her room and cried too, and wished her mom would just die so that her life could get back to normal. She knew it wasn’t the right thing to think, but she couldn’t help it. Everything had been going so well, and now she was stuck back in a city she hated, taking care of her aging parents, and a child she never wanted and didn’t understand. 

Her relationship with Clarisse was never very good after that. 

When her mother lived another year, Clarisse finally called Jean and said that she didn’t expect to ever move back to Paris - Clarisse had settled into Arizona life, and she couldn’t uproot her daughter’s life again, even if her mother passed away soon. 

Her mom passed away six months later, and at the funeral, Clarisse asked if they would move back to Paris. 

“Do you want to?” 

“Yes, I hate it here,” 

“What about your soccer team?” 

“They play soccer in France,” 

“What about poppop?” 

“He can come,” 

Madeline smiled, thinking that maybe they could move back to France. 

Before any serious moves could be made in that direction, though, they discovered that her father had dementia. He’d had symptoms for the last two years, but they went unnoticed because of his wife’s cancer. Madeline couldn’t leave him alone or uproot him to move to Paris. 

This sparked another fight between her and Clarisse. 

“You said we were moving back to Paris!” 

“That was before we knew that poppop was sick! We can’t just leave him!” 

“But you promised!” 

“You think I don’t hate it here too? You think I don’t miss Paris every day? But your grandfather needs our help right now! And we can’t just abandon our family!” 

“What about papa? We abandoned him! We haven’t seen him in three years!” 

“Jean isn’t family!” Madeline yelled. 

Clarisse looked so angry, like if she were any taller or stronger she would start hitting her mom. “How can you say that! He’s my father!” 

Madeline realized then that Clarisse thought Jean was her birth father. She sat Clarisse down and explained that she had already been six months old when they’d started dating. Madeline expected Clarisse to ask questions about her birth father, but she didn’t. When Madeline finally looked at her daughter, she expected her to be angry, to start yelling, but she was just staring at the floor and crying. 

Madeline tried to reach over to comfort her, but Clarisse just looked at her and said, “I hate you. I wish papa had adopted me so that I didn’t have to live with you anymore,” and then she took herself to her room. 

After an hour, Madeline went to check on her and found her sitting in her bed looking at old photos from Paris. 

“Can I come in?” she asked. Clarisse nodded without looking at her. She made her way into the room and sat next to her on the bed, pulling her daughter in for a hug, who accepted it without resistance. “Are you okay?” 

Clarisse shook her head no. “I just still feel like he’s my dad,” she started crying again, and Madeline held her tighter, “and now I won’t ever get to see him again,” 

“I miss him too,” she said. “And I’m sorry. I would have told you sooner if I had realized,” 

They spend a decent amount of time talking, and Madeline orders them a pizza. She decided that she and Clarisse would play hookie the next day and get ice cream and hang out around town. 

The next morning, they’re enjoying a late breakfast, when someone knocked on the door. Madeline recognizes the man immediately. He had introduced himself to her a few weeks ago as Coach Hedge, when he’d explained who he was and why he was there, and that he was watching Clarisse. “She’ll have to leave soon,” he’d told her. 

“You want my ten-year-old to leave with a goat-man to go across the country to be trained by a magic horse?”

“It sounds insane when you put it that way, but yes. She needs to be trained,” 

“She is a child!” She yelled at him. “She needs her mom,” 

“If she stays here she could be killed. Now, I don’t know how long it’ll be before they start coming for her, but I can tell that she’s strong. If I know she’s here, it won’t be long before they know it too,” 

And now he was there, in her doorway with a backpack and a baseball bat. 

“Please, no, not today,” she said before saying anything else. 

“We need to leave today. They aren’t far. We need as much of a head start as we can get,” 

(Cut to the story I wrote yesterday for how the rest of that went) 

When she got to camp, Luke showed her around. She got a spot on the Hermes cabin floor next to Chris, who was excited to have another kid at camp around his age. 

“Do you like Star Wars?” 

“No,”

“Do you like soccer?”

“Yeah!” 

They become very fast friends, but Luke does have to move them to different parts of the floor because they kept staying up late talking. 

It takes about a month for her to be claimed, but no one is surprised when it happens. She was claimed after a spar with Annabeth. She was using a sword, and Annabeth was using her knife, but Clarisse had her dad’s knife hidden in her pocket. When Annabeth thought she had won, Clarisse pulled out her own knife and ended up winning. 

This starts their constant rivalry at camp. 

She doesn’t meet her dad until the Winter Solstice when Luke steals the lighting bolt. 

She introduces herself to her father, and he claimed he didn’t remember her mother, so she reminded him. “She stabbed you,” she said, “and that didn’t work, so you gave her this knife,” she pulled out the knife, “and then she stabbed you again,” 

She didn’t mean to be insolent or insubordinate, but that’s how her father took it. He slapped her across the face. Hard. 

She looked at him, shocked at what had happened. He looked back like he was waiting for her to say or do something. 

She looked him in the eye and said, “My mother hits harder.” That time, she had meant to be insubordinate and insolent. She was also a liar. Her mother had never hit her. 

Ares just smirked. “You need a better weapon that some stupid knife. They’re good when you need them, but you can’t do much damage with just that,” 

“I use a sword too,” she said. 

“You should use a spear, like your older brothers. I’ll send one to camp for you,”

She smiled, “Thank you, sir,” 

“One last thing, kid,” he towered over her. He seemed like he was seven feet tall. He might be, Clarisse realized, he’s a god. “I don’t have many daughters. I prefer it that way. They tend to be disappointing. I hope you don’t disappoint me,” 

Clarisse nodded. “I won’t, sir,” she promised.

[yamithediaperdork]

It’s a living (Ben 10 omiverse)

it was a nice and peaceful day in Bellwood for a change, though considering it wasn't the main stream universe's Bellwood that made a degree of sense. In fact even as the main verse Ben sat across from his counterpart, enjoying the Mr.smoothies of universe 23 they could both relax as Seven-seven and Tetrax had decided to stay on earth and work as a team with 23, so were out patrolling. "So, not that it's not awesome to see you from time to time..but usually you showing up means something about to go all fucky fucky...Sooo what brings you here?" 23 asked. "things don't ALWAYS go bad when i show up!" Ben protested, huffing a little. "Mmmhmmm..So you showed up and I get attacked by my future team mates..you show up and the Ben war..you show up and Mad Ben.." 23 said, counting off on his fingers. "..Damn uh.. well I promise, no world ending stuff this time." Ben said, sweat dropping. "I uh.. ok so i told you I recently moved out and got my own place right?" "And yet you haven't invited me back once." 23 said and blew a raspberry to show he wasn't really offended. "eheheh well fact of the matter is I mightttta gone a little beyond my means and kinda sorta..I'm like a week from getting kicked out." Ben said, poking his fingers together sheepishly. "Heh, and what, you want a place to crash?" "welll more thinking maybe since I've been helping you and all that jazz, you could spot me a couple of grand to get me in the clear and stuff?" Ben asked hopefully. "eh..I learned the hard way not to loan friends money Ben. it's why me and my Gwen aren't on speaking terms." 23 said, then took a big drink of his smoothie. "however, I AM willing to help you MAKE the money you need, and more." "...Doing what?" Ben asked, confused. "Cuz gotta say, I've tried the retail thing back home and when you have to stop doing stock to fight alien invaders, you don't keep your job for long." "Pffft as if I'd let you work retail! Nah man! You know I've leveraged my frame and endorsed a TON of things right? Part of how I'm rolling in dough? Well I got this one wanna be sponsor who I'm not big on the product, but they are offering a crazy amount of cash. I figure they'll settle for the Ben of anther universe, you do the gig, we split the money 50/50, and everybody wins." 23 said, taking out a note pad and a pen. "Look uh, not to sound ungrateful, but if I'm the one doing the modeling or whatever, shouldn't I get more then half? and what are you writing down?" Ben asked. "That's how much your half of the deal will be, and I think you'll find it more then fair." 23 said and smirked. Ben frowned and picked up the piece of paper, looking down, then did a double take as his eyes went wide. "Holy crap! what am i modeling off? Missiles?!" he asked, his voice going higher then normal. "nah, no weapons of mass destruction in that sense.. though bet you'll still clear rooms." 23 said and gave a impish grin. "You'll be working for huggies." "..Say what?"

After half a hour of back and forth, and Ben admitting he really didn't have a better option, the two took off, transforming into XCLER8 and Speedyquick instead of hailing a cab and made their way to the huggies headquarters. since 23 was used to this sort of thing Ben mostly let him talk over the contract and tried not to get boarded out of his mind as they talked returns and profit margins, only tuning in when the executive they were talking to (who if Ben didn't know better, he'd swear was this universes version of Charmcaster) brought up diaper usage. "Of course seeing your other self in our new line of Lil' stinkers would do wonders for our promotion of them, but if we could show them being used it would really help sell other points. we're taking photo shoots for magazine spreads and of course some tv and internet ad's. the more you and your client can promise us in terms of selling these diapers are for big babies who need to be put in their place, the more zero's we can add to your check." She said, smiling. "Wait..as in..you know.." Ben interrupted before 23 could talk, and unable to say what he was thinking, and blushing badly, he make fart noises with his mouth. "Heh, yes, we want you to go dooty in your diaper." Hope said, smirking and watching the two boys reactions. "N-No way! I mean I'll wear them and crawl around and stuff, but I'm NOT taking a dump in diapers!" Ben huffed and crossed his arms, shaking his head and well, looking just perfect for the target audience. "Maybe I should give you and your client a moment to talk this over. we can make a deal without the diaper usage but it's going to cut into the bottom line." Hope said and got up and left the room. "Can you BE anymore of a brat?" 23 hissed at Ben. "But..but..she wants me to-" "Yes, I know. I was there. Look Ben, I'm putting my neck on the line for you here, if my other sponsors hear about what a crabby brat your being here, it could affect me. Also your the one who came to me for help, so wouldn't like crapping yourself in huggies and making a boat load of cash once be better then doing a bunch more commercials to make the same amount? And who the hell from your universe is gonna see you doing this anyways?" 23 asked. "But I don't wanna poop in a diaper!" Ben whined and shook his head. "and you can't make me! so th-" he started to add, then suddenly he was yanked out of his chair and over 23's laps. "W-what are you doing?! and when the hell did you get so strong!?" "I've been working out since the mad Ben thing. and I'm gonna do what anyone does with a whinny brat.." 23 said and smirked, tugging down the back of Ben's pants. "I'm gonna spank you." Yanking Ben's skid marked stained briefs up and giving the bigger boy a wedgie and exposing those cheeks, 23 paused. "Last chance to be a good boy and let me handle this." he said. "Y-You don't have the balls!" Ben cried out, his voice carrying. "I gave you a chance." 23 said and shrugged, then brought down his hand on Ben's bubble butt over and over, turning the cheeks nice and red as Ben bawled like a baby.

Since the office wasn't sound proofed, and many people knew that both of the Ben's were in the office, it attracted A LOT of attention as the bigger Ben's voice filled the floor with the sounds of wails and there was the unmistakable sound of buns being tanned. Hope smirked as she listened, feeling she had pegged the relationship between the two boys right, and waited till there was just the sound of the bigger Ben sobbing before going back into her office, and fighting back a chuckle as she saw the bigger boy in the corner, his pants in his chair and his undies still hiked up. the boy had his nose to the corner and his hands on his head, and was whimpering and sobbing gently. "I'm sorry for that, somebody needed a attuide adjustment." 23 said. "oh don't be! I just wish we had recorded that! would of been perfect for the set up of a commercial!" Hope said and chuckled. "well I can always spank him again." 23 offered, chuckling to as Ben whined loudly from the corner. "So, may I assume that your both on board with widdle Benny making uh-ohs and tinkles in his diapers?" Hope asked. "I dunno, Ben, are you ok with messing your diapers?" 23 asked. "Y-Yes! No more spankies!" Ben cried out, his hands going from his head to covering his poor buns. "i think that answers your question." "excellent, then I'll draw up the contract, and if we hurry we can have Ben in the studio in about 2 hours. Make sure he gets LOTS to eat, we wanna show off how the Lil' stinkers hold up to even the biggest messes." Hope said. as 23 and Hope chuckled, Ben whimpered and found himself sucking on his thumb having ALL the regrets.

a hour and half later and a semi pot belly Ben was leaning back in his folding chair, in front of the set and belching off and on. He still hadn't been able to reclaim his pants though he'd been allowed to tug the wedgie out at least, though this just got loads of comments about how diapers might be a good full time choice for him. Ben had swallowed back any come backs or threats he had in mind as every time 23 was quick to pat his still sore booty. going on Hope's advice 23 had forced Ben to chow down, though while the catering table was set up with all sorts of awesome snack foods, including Ben's favorite, chilli fries, it was the large pyramid of at least 23 jar's of prune baby food that 23 had directed Ben to, helping the bigger boy and spoon feeding him as the crew setting up the large nursery chuckled. "Come on ben, one jar to go. you can do it." 23 was saying, grabbing the last jar and smirking at Ben's baby food covered face. "D-Dude..I'm not joking..if I eat one more bite I'ma hurl." Ben whined. "that's what you said two jars ago." "by all means, call my bluff, just when your wearing baby food on your shoes, remember i warned you." Ben said with a weak smile then a LOUD and nasty belch. 23 made a face and waved the air in front of him. "Man, if it smells that bad now.. Maybe i should excuse myself to the other room when you crap yourself." he teased. "N-no way..if I'm doing this..you're watching AND smelling!" Ben whined and Belched again. "Can i get something to drink?" he asked. instantly he realized he should of worded his request better as 23 got a large baby bottle filled with what was hopefully milk, and popped it in Ben's mouth. it only took a few sucks on the nipple to realize that of course, it was formula, and Ben scuched up his face. "Hehehe I have to say Ben, you are JUST too cute like this. I might have to try and lock you into a long term agreement here." 23 teased then winced at the glare Ben gave him. "Kidding! Kidding!" pushing the bottle out of his mouth, Ben went to say something but was cut off as Hope strolled onto the set. "Ok people, time to make some magic. baby Ben, we need you in wardore." she said then pasued. "Oh, Do you know how to put a diaper on?" she asked, suddenly looking sheepish. "N-No." ben whined and a loud toot came out his bottom. "Oh er..I don't think we have time to teach you before you unload." Hope said, holding her nose. "it's ok, I'll diaper the big baby." 23 said happily. "of course you will." Ben muttered, but let himself be lead off to a side room where there was star on the door, with his name on it. "great...I'm about to become famous as a diaper boy.." Ben whined. lead inside 23 just chuckled. "Mr.Devil, he's ready for his close up."

The diaper was MASSIVE, and for a second both boys just stared at it, wondering if Ben was gonna be able to even walk in the thing. it was easily the equal to 10 normal diapers layered together and was a soft baby blue (whether that was a marketing choice or just when they had been making these things expect 23 to model them, neither boy was sure) anther loud toot from Ben's back door which sadly filled the small dressing room had both boys holding their noses, and broke them out of their trance. "I..I don't wanna do this. I'm scared." Ben whined, looking at 23 with pleading eyes and starting to squirm in a way that told him their deadline was coming up fast. "Sorry buddy, we signed the contract. but I'll make sure this goes as fast as possible. all you have to do with whimper and cry, and act like you've been acting, and I'll be doing the voice over." 23 said and reached up, patting Ben's head. Ben whined but let himself be laid down on the teddy bear print changing mat on the floor and just lifted his arms to let 23 tug his shirt off. "we're gonna have to enroll you in a exercise program if we need to keep feeding you like this." 23 teased, noting that while Ben wasn't chubby, he had enough pudge on him to look a bit like baby fat, and the baby food in his tummy wasn't helping. Sliding Ben's undies off 23 tossed them in a trash can behind him, then unfolded the massive diaper as Ben whined. "W-why'd you toss out my undies? A-and were are my pants? F-For after?" he asked, feeling so small and helpless as 23 lifted Ben up but his legs to get the diaper under him. "hush, you let me worry about that..though..heh.." 23 paused the look down at Ben's exposed crotch. "Didn't know you shave." "I uh..haven't gotten my pubes yet.." the bigger in so many ways, but not where it counted boy said. "well that explains your cute widdl-" "Watch it!" Ben huffed and for the first time moved to use his Omimatrix. "Ok ok..Sorry." 23 said sweat dropping. "I've had THREE girls interested in me by the way, so it can't be THAT small!" Ben added and 23 smirked and powdered him lots. "And how many of them saw you down there?" 23 asked, as he tugged the diaper up. "and of those that saw, how many stayed interested?" with the diaper tapped up Ben sat up with a bit of effort, but was blushing and wouldn't look 23 in the eyes. "L-Let's just get this over with." Ben huffed and tried to get up on his own, only to keep falling back on his puffy butt. "That's what I thought." 23 chuckled and then held out his hands, Helping Ben get to his feet. the bigger boys BIG diaper had his legs spread and Ben was barley able to waddle, several times needing to stop and take 23's hands as they made their way out onto the set. 'If i make it though this I'm moving to a smaller apartment so i never have to ask this son of a bitch for a favor again.' Ben thought.

Hope grinned ear to ear and had some of the photographers snap shots of Ben needing help with walking, before coming over with a baby blue bonnet and bib that had white text in comic sans, that read BRAT. Ben would of argued about the add ons, since he was pretty sure that hadn't been in the original deal, if it wasn't for the fact he was using every ounce of control NOT to mess himself too soon and have to start all over. "There we go, don't you just look adorable~" Hope teased and tickled Ben's chin. "A-Ah.S-Stop that..w-we hafa hurry up..I..I can't.." Ben whined and rubbed his tummy, a muffled fart coming out and making hope take a step back. As they started to film, Ben for the most part blissfully blacked out, but of course got to watch the commercial after, with everyone praising him on what a good boy he had been.

"Hey everyone, Ben 23 here, and bringing you yet anther great product. So, brats, we all know one and we've all thought about putting them in their place, but where do you even start to get what you need for it?" Came 23's voice, on a screen of black. "Well the answer for that, Is huggies. That's right, the same company you've been trusting to look after your little bundles of joy is here to help you put those same bundles of joy turned into over sized brats back into little baby's." the screen came into focus and there was Ben, a glazed look in his eyes and holding his tummy, in all his big baby glory. "Most of you know about my other universe counterpart, but what you don't know is that he's a grade A BRAT. as a favor to his friends back in his verse, we're giving Baby Ben the punishment he deserves. isn't that right baby ben?" 23's voice asked as Ben whined and pouted. "Pwease, no wanna go poopies! I'm sowwy!" Ben cried out. "now now Ben, you don't want anther spanking do you?" 23's voice asked, and it was the yelp of fear that sold it as Ben totally lost control. the camera zoomed in as the back of Ben's diaper rapidly started to expand, and loud gross farts were heard. Ben for his part was face down ass up, and pounding a fist on the floor as he filled his diapers, crying and howling but really, it only made the shot better. "Lil stinkers is made with a new material that allows for up to 40 times the normal amounts of waste, which means even with 22 jars of baby food in baby Ben's tummy these diapers won't leak, or your money back." 23 said. the diaper only started to take on a dirty stain of brown in the back as the material reached down to Ben's knees. "with our new smell block guards in the diaper, you'll only get the faintest whiff of the the mess the big babies made. Sure it spares the brat but if your brat is anything widdle Benny here, you're gonna be punished enough changing him." with a few last sputtering farts Ben was apparently finished and sucking on his thumb as he got up on his knees, looking to the cameras. "C-Change pwease?" Ben whined. "Oh silly Ben, if we just changed you right away, where would the fun be in that? with added rash protection built into the diaper, along with bratty baby brand powder, Our little Benny can go 12 hours without a change!" hearing that Ben bawled again, both hands coming up to his eyes and there was just no two ways about it, he looked like a giant baby. "See you in 12 hours little guy! enjoy your poopie diaper." 23 said cheerfully. Ben's cries were muted as they went to the last of it. "Lil stinkers by huggies. put your brat back in diapers, and in their place. Available at a super market near you in two weeks."

Ben naturally wasn't actually kept in the poopie diaper for 12 hours, though they did take the chance to get all the pictures they needed for him in his poopie diapers, with 23 posing in some of them with him. Such as having Ben in his arms, Ben over his lap and pretending to give him a messy spanking, and of course 23 pulling the back of the diaper open as Ben sat on his ass, hugging a teddy bear and sucking on a pacifier and 23 holding his nose. If 23 was being truthfully though he was glad he was wearing his baggy pants as the site of Ben like this almost had little hearts in his eyes and he was tempted to try and keep Ben like this. Still a contract was a contract, and once they had enough footage they got Ben changed into a clean diaper but out of the bib and bonnet, and with his t-shirt back on. Ben was actually in the crib that was part of the set up when he came out of it, the staff and Hope and 23 where having a few drinks. "C-Can somebody come let me out? And.. get me big boy undies and pants?" Ben called, using the crib railing to haul himself to his feet but swaying dangerously if he let go, so knowing he couldn't get out. if the crew heard him, they ignored him and kept talking among themselves and laughing, annoying Ben. "I SAID, SOMEBODY LET ME OUT!" Ben yelled and stomped a foot, slipping and falling on his padded rear. "oh great, the baby is awake." 23 said, smirking and winking to the crew who all laughed. "Your not freaking funny! Let me outta here NOW or I'm going way big!" Ben growled and started to fiddle with his watch. "Way big?" a crew member asked. "as in he's gonna be a big boy?" "No! as in the alien who's 100 feet tall!" Ben huffed and got the watch ready to go. "-sigh- I'll handle this." 23 said and walked over, holding his hands up. "heyy heyy..it's OK Benny. we don't need to bring aliens into this. you're all done here and we'll cash your check at the first bank of Ben then you can go home. OK?" "i want outta this diaper, I want outta this crib! and i want big boy undies and pants!" Ben huffed, keeping his hand over his watch. "heh, your terms are agreeable. we only re-diapered you because you were out of it, and I don't really wanna change anther poopie diaper." 23 lied. He would of totally loved to keep changing Ben's diapers but clearly the little guy had been pushed to his limit.

As it turned out they couldn't find pants in the studio for Ben, or a pair of undies so the poor hero ended up standing in line with 23 at the bank in his t-shirt and diapers, which normally would of caused problems but with 23's technically owning the bank, it was brushed over. The first thing they did after getting the check cashed was go shopping and get Ben a pair of sumo slammer boxers, then off to the food court for him to get the taste of the baby food and formula out of his system, though he wasn't able to eat his full order. 23 joked about how they should of gotten him a happy meal as he wiped up the chilli stains off of Ben's face. after that it was time to go home and Ben gave 23's hand a shake. "..ok, you saved my ass from having to move back home..buttt don't expect me to come back here till this ad campaign is over and done." Ben said. "heh, come on, didn't a SMALL part of you have fun?" 23 asked. "hahahaha NO. Today was the most horrible day of my life, and with the shit I've been though, thats saying something. Maybe you can come over to MY universe sometime and be a diaper boy for me though." "heh. or just show up with a diaper bag." "..Shutting up." with that Ben went back to his home universe, very much richer. Or so he thought.

as it turned out their money while looking the same on the outside, was made differently and raised all sorts of flags when Ben went to go and deposit it in his universe. there was a public cry of outrage that a hero like Ben would try and destabilize a local economy like that, and there was talks of official charges of counterfeiting and maybe even jail time. Not even able to get his cash back, and the Plumbers having to give him the cold shoulder publicly to save face, Ben decided to take a little bit of a vacation (2-7 months while the plumbers legal team got him out of the mess) back in universe 23, figuring that 23 owned him, AND wanting to give him a piece of his mind.

"baby Ben! back so soon?" 23 asked, delighted as a red faced Ben made it to his pent house. on the way over Ben had been recognized, teased and scolded for not being in his diapers and had seen billboard with him in all his blacked out diaper baby glory. "ha.Ha. we have a problem." Ben said, and then nodded to 23's couch. "mind if I take a seat?" "Only if you promise not to make a puddle." 23 joked, but moved aside as Ben came in and flopped down. Ben spent the next 10 minutes explaining out what had happened, as 23 looked upset and shook his head. "Man, that sucks. I'm sorry, i didn't know!" 23 said. "well, I need a place to stay for a little while till i get the OK to go back..so I was wondering if y-" "would put you up here for a few months, heh,. that can be arranged. don't think you'll be able to get a place on your own here unless you just did more commercials though, rent in the city has gone up since i live here." "Not like i have a penny to my name anyways, and was gonna ask if you'd rent me a place..Buttt staying here I guess won't be so bad." Ben said with a little smile. "there is a small price I'd like you to pay..But in return for humoring me on this onnnne tiny little thing, I swear you'll want for nothing while staying with me. all the junk food you could want and any video games, the whole nine yards." 23 said, blushing a little now. "..why am i getting a bad feeling about this?" Ben asked. "well see.. they didn't need the stuff they used in your commercial after you left..so they gave it to me for free..and you were just SO god damn cute.." 23 said, getting up and leading Ben to yup, a recreation of the nursery from the set. "FUCK NO!" "oh come on Ben! i promise! no baby food this time and pop in your baby bottles! Pleasssse?" 23 asked, bringing his hands together. "why in the world would i agree to do that for a few months? I could just go do anther commercial, then get my own place here!?" Ben pointed out. "one, because as your agent I control whether you do anther shoot, it's actually part of the contract, two, if I tell my bank not to cash your check who else do you think will cover that much. three, and this is the kicker. where else can you go to with ease to hide out? you really think mad Ben is gonna welcome you with open arms?" "..Fuck my life!"

And so one week after promising himself he'd never be a big baby again, Ben found himself in two of the thick blue diaper's  and in a t-shirt top, crawling behind behind 23 and pouting like crazy. "Don't you think top is over kill?" Ben whined. "I'm the one paying for them. so just shush and look adorable." "Not funny." Ben pouted and then realized it would be harder then hell to get off and on the couch's and just sat on his diaper butt in the living room. "So what d-" "I want chilli cheese fires, I want a two liter of coke, and I want the latest sumo slammer game five minutes ago!" Ben huffed then grinned. "..Demanding aren't we?" "and i quote: I swear you'll want for nothing. I want all of that." Ben said smugly. "you know, i could of just spanked you." 23 teased, going to grab the phone and make the food order. instead of Ben telling him off however, the threat had a amusing and smelly effect instead. Ben froze at the memory of that and then well, with him being double diapered it was a little hard to tell since there was no smell, but 23 could of sworn Ben just got a little taller. "heh, Did somebody just make me a present?" "NO!...yes." "Good boy. I'll change you after you eat, if your a good boy." 23 said and winked. "...this is gonna be a long 2 months."

the end?

[seekingseven]

The Most Sincere Kind of Lie (Ch1)

Chapter 1 of my Linked Universe fanfic, let’s see how this baby goes down! Also available to read here on AO3

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Hyrule's Hyrule did not feel like a Hyrule.

A calm, somber, empty wind threaded its way through the sky and forest and swamps, stirring up the stagnant dust lying on abandoned pathways and tugging curiously at the Links' clothing. The road they walked along was hard and flat, unfamiliar with the shifting anxiousness of wandering travelers and unwilling to leave any memory of their footprints behind. Streams mumbled and grumbled to the south, and the dark, seductive lullaby of the forest wafted in from the north. Hauntingly beautiful and terribly desolate was the only way to describe this place. Not even three hours of walking had yielded sight of a single other traveler aside from themselves.

Hyrule wasn't bothered by this, however. In fact, the traveler had an extra skip in his step and sparkle in his smile, excitedly weaving through the crowd of his incarnations and pointing out distant shadows of distant places with infectious enthusiasm. Infectious enthusiasm was the only proper term for it; Hyrule's amicable and eager attitude had contaminated everyone in the group. Sky hummed a lullaby as they walked along, bopping his head slowly as Wind thumped out the time signature on his chest. Four, Wild and Wars were all huddled around the traveler, trying to guess the names and places of things ahead of them while Hyrule laughed and occasionally applauded their efforts. Even Time and Twilight stared at the darkening sky and pointed out the timid pinpricks of light above, grinning like love-struck fools when Hyrule named each constellation and detailed the lore behind them.

On the other hand, Legend was very much bothered by their current situation. Even after hours of walking, he had no idea where Hyrule was taking them. He had no idea where, or even if, they were going to sleep tonight. Were they going to have dinner? Discuss a battle strategy or cover story for their ragtag group before they eventually ended up in some Nayru-forsaken town? Legend glared at the armor on Time's back. Of all people, Old Man should have had the presence of mind to lay out some semblance of a plan. But instead, he had an arm draped around Hyrule's shoulder and another on Twilight's, looking up at the stars as if they were the answer to all his most profound questions and desires. A smart bunch his incarnations were, Legend thought. They might as well run off the path at full speed and wait for wild monsters to tear them apart if everyone was going to be this idyllic and dopey. Yeah. Idiots. That's all they were. Legend brooded and nurtured his dissatisfaction with paternal meticulousness, almost enjoying the feeling of disgust blooming between his ribs. He thought of how much his feet hurt and how heavy his eyelids felt. What he would give for a good meal and a warm blanket and twenty seconds of reprieve from the noise and racket around him. His eyebrows slipped low over his face, his mouth twisted into its typical grimace, his movements slowed as he began to lag behind the rest of the group.

Goddesses above, he was so, so, so tired.

The silvery, boisterous sound of Sky's laughter shattered the silence Legend had grown extremely fond of over the last few minutes. The disgruntled hero stared up from his feet and stifled a groan as he processed the chaos in front of him. Wind was carrying Sky on his shoulders, swaying back and forth as the former's power bracelet twinkled crazily under the moonlight, and a piggyback race had been declared. Four had hoisted himself on Warriors' back without a second thought, and the two were off, sprinting down a path they weren't familiar with, and towards a horizon they'd never met. A brilliant thing to do in a foreign Hyrule, Legend thought bitterly. At least Time, Twilight, Wild, and Hyrule had some semblance of dignity about them. Oh, scratch that, the insane cook had stripped down to what he called his Sheikah Speedos (whatever on Farore's good green earth that meant) and was now sitting atop Twilight's shoulders. Legend hoped for a split second that Twilight would be level-minded enough to dissuade his protégé from such a reckless pastime. The aforementioned hope melted in the air when the pair shrieked a stream of sacrilegious boasts and sprinted after Wind and Warriors' retreating forms. Hyrule, who was still leading the whole group -- even though they were in his Hyrule, Legend had a sneaking feeling that this was a bad idea -- tossed his shield underneath his feet and quite literally sledded down the path. Legend sighed dramatically. Apparently, Wild's wasteful hobby had tainted even him.

Idiots, the lot of them.

Humid fog skittered over from a nearby river and settled onto Legend's lashes and cheeks. He blinked slowly and yawned again. The arsenal on his back pulled him downwards, and Legend made no motion to resist, relishing the feeling of slack muscles and half-closed eyes and hair flopping in front of his face. He didn't notice how far forward he was slumped until his hands dragged across the floor and scratched the rough skin of his knuckles. Legend glared furiously at the dust beneath him, as if to reprimand its audacity. The half-asleep hero proceeded to slog forward with even less intention than before.

Maybe if he fell asleep in the middle of the path, they would all stop their shenanigans and put their heads back on their shoulders.

"Hey, Legend! Pick it up, yeah? You're moving about as fast as Wind's gramma on a summer afternoon!"

That stupid cook couldn't even let him sleep, huh?

Legend didn't have a comeback, so he just sneered at Wild's silhouette as Wind did the job for him. Sailor boy had quite the vocabulary -- not exactly vulgar but certainly brazen enough to make the aforementioned 'Gramma' blush had she been here. The lazy smile was still plastered over Legend's face when Time broke away from the group and sidled up next to him.

"What do you make of all this?" Time questioned.

"Nothing much. It's all pretty stupid, to be honest." The veteran hero didn't look up from the floor, addressing his sleepy words to the dust underneath him.

Time gave Legend a sidelong look. The sound of laughter and smell of sea salt carried on the wind and grazed the tips of Legend's ears. The Old Man's gaze didn't falter, somehow becoming more childish and bright as he tilted his head genially to the side and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Legend took one look at the dopey look on Time's face and rolled his eyes.

"Not a chance, Old Man. I might hurt your back."  

"My back? Oh no, you misunderstand. I'm more interested in receiving a piggyback ride than giving one."

Legend took an involuntary step back and stared up at Time with incredulity splashed all over his face.

"...?!"

"Ah. You're a poor sport, I see."

"... you're not going to manipulate me into something as humiliating as that."

"Oh well. Worth a shot. But what about Hyrule?"

"??"

"Everyone is getting rides except him. I have a feeling he would appreciate it very much if you would swallow your pride for his sake. Why not help him win that race?"

"Yeah," Legend grunted, "and I would appreciate it if you got off my case and let me be."

They walked on in silence. The Old Man's armor chinked in time with the sea shanty Wind was belting out at the top of his lungs. A few of the other Links joined in, even though they didn't know the words, their voices exploding into an ungodly crescendo as Wind tossed his hands up into the sky. Legend remained silent. He kicked the small pebbles in front of his feet and glowered at the shifting shadows lurking around the path's corners. There was no need to worry -- Hyrule had made it clear that as long as one stuck on the road, there was no chance of being attacked by any monsters -- but Legend's sleep-deprived brain sparkled with anxiety regardless. Snorts and giggles and quips and retorts echoed in the cold air; Time smiled at them, Legend glared. He just wanted to get to a town, eat something, nap, and wake up when Hylia's little shtick was all over.  

"Time!" Wild shouted, snapping Legend out of his reverie, "can you hold these for us? Twi and I have a race to win, and alla these thingamajiggers aren't doing much to help us out." Twilight stumbled over to them, trying to balance the hyperactive wild child spazzing out on his shoulders, and started to say something before Wild promptly dumped an assortment of swords, shields, and shirts into the Old Man's outstretched arms. Twilight stared apologetically up at Time, opening his mouth to speak before Wild tugged his hair demanded they rejoin the fray. Legend had to hold a hand in front of his face to avoid breathing in the dust Twilight kicked up. Time stared on fondly, slinging the swords over his shoulders and scrutinizing the abandoned things around him as the two crazies scampered off. He sat on his knees with a grunt and started sifting through his bag, apparently looking for a sliver of space to put the random shields and clothes he'd been handed. A few random weapons and supplies had to come out before anything else could go in, and Legend scrutinized them with the jaded eye of a seasoned mage. Time pulled out a hookshot (typical), bow (even more so), three separate quivers of ice, fire, and light arrows (untouched for years, if the fine coating of dust around them meant anything), and a strange magnifying glass with a magenta frame and indigo lens. Well, well, well. What could that be? A familiar cold fire tickled the back of his throat -- the same one that prompted him to begin his first journey and propelled him through the rest. It only grew stronger when Legend noticed how the lens bent and scattered the moonbeams falling around it; it was almost as if the artifact was trying to avoid the light. His eyebrows flickered up, and a smirk pinched the corners of his lips. Legend tossed a quick glance first at Time, who was still slowly shuffling around the materials in his bag, and another one at the rest of the Links, who were still racing and tripping and shouting like a gang of toddlers. In one fluid movement, Legend swiped the lens and held it up in front of his grinning face.  

The lens was heavy, not just because of the metal handle, but because of the ocean of magic seething and roiling within. Dark magic, without a doubt; the thick, somber, molasses-like heartbeat of the enchantment couldn't be chalked up to anything else. But said dark magic had obviously been tampered with in some way; there was none of the electric, fiery malevolence ingrained in most cursed artifacts. Perhaps it had been enchanted by a mage with a pure heart and proficiency in the dark arts? Legend's eyebrows pressed together. His fingertips itched to pull out his Magic Mirror and compare the two.

It took Legend a few seconds to register that Time's singular eye was boring into him. Legend startled and took a few preemptive steps back, just in case the Old Man got it in his head to make a lunge for the strange lens. The veteran hero smiled at his companion, balancing the artifact on the fat part of his palm.

"Fascinating. Where'd you get this, Old Man? Never thought you were a connoisseur of corrupted magical artifacts."

Time shrugged his shoulders and stood up, slinging his bag and assortment of swords around his neck. Legend tried very hard not to become uncomfortable under his unflinching, unreadable stare.  

"I don't suggest you play with it," Time finally said.

Legend grinned even wider and pressed the strange artifact to his chest. "You don't say?" He flicked the crimson barbs adorning the top of the lens and tapped the handle with a fingernail. "I can feel the Dark Magic pouring through this lens -- if it even is a lens and not a portal of sorts." Holding it up to the moon, Legend's face contorted in curiosity as the lens snuffed out the light around it. "The weird thing is that there's no malevolence behind the magic. Must have been cast by a powerful mage with no intent to harm."

"Perhaps it was." Despite his words, Time's deadpan words hung thickly in the air and betrayed his complete disinterest in pursuing the conversation further. He held out his hand in front of him, an invitation for Legend to return the lens so the both could continue on their way.

Legend slapped the hand away.

"I don't think so," the veteran teased. "Wanna tell me why you don't want me holding onto this thing? Hiding something, Gramps?"  

"Aren't we all?"  

"Oh please, spare me your existential-crisis inducing lectures. What do these engravings on the side mean?" Legend squinted at the fine letters etched into the rim. "Hmm...Lens of Truth. Is that what it's called? How odd. Hey, what do you say will happen if I look through it?"

"The same thing that happened to my eye."  

Legend's fiery curiosity dimmed and his sense of self-preservation flared. The veteran cradled the lens in his palm and widened his eyes, searching Time's face for any hint of duplicity.

"Really?" Legend whispered.

"Nope." Time replied. The skin around his eyes crinkled. Legend groaned loudly. He should have seen this one coming.

"Ugh. You really had me going for a second there."

"Hmm. Now give it back."

"C'mon," Legend urged, "don't be such a grump. Can't I just hold onto it for a little bit? You know how careful I am with artifacts of all kids, magical or not. Now that I think about it, I'm probably the best person to keep it with. Not like it's doing anything in that bag of yours."

The silence was heavy and disappointing. Legend was about to appeal to his character and reliability once more before noticing the childish glint in Time's eyes.

Oh no.

"Well, maybe if…" Time began.

"I'm not giving you a piggyback ride."

Time's baritone chuckles muffled the sounds of dust crunching beneath their feet. "I was only going to ask you if you would be able to carry all these things for me."

Legend blinked quickly, then sheepishly nodded his head. This was a pretty good deal, actually. He slung Time's bag and the array of swords Wild had dumped off around his shoulders, wincing as they dug into his skin. A sharp prick of jealousy pierced his heart as he watched Time sprint ahead and swing Hyrule onto his shoulders. He shook his head, trying to ignore the sound of Hyrule's soft, shy laughter, and busied himself with the lens in his hands.

What a fascinating thing it was. "The Lens of Truth," huh? Much more enigmatic of a name than "Magic Mirror." He idly bounced the lens in his hand as he thought. Why was it filled with dark magic but free of actual darkness? What kind of truth did it claim to reveal? Why did Time have such a strange artifact sitting at the bottom of his inventory?

His curiosity burned even brighter, and Legend found himself almost skipping down the path.

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Saria Town smelled like salt, dirt, and the sweat of a community living on the fringes of the world. At Hyrule's insistence, the Links slid off each other's shoulders and sauntered over to Legend to grab their swords, shields, and -- in Wild's case -- clothes. The veteran smiled half-heartedly as the weight on his back was lifted in bits and pieces, eyes and mind still trained on the Lens of Truth. It had been half an hour since the strange artifact had first been handed to him, and he was still no closer to finding any explanation for its weird magical aura.

"Okay, everyone, just some things before we head in." Hyrule's faint voice carried clearly through the crisp nighttime air. "The only building in this town big enough for all of us to stay at belongs to Saria Town's Wise Man. You guys need to be really nice and polite to him, or we won't have any place to sleep tonight."

"Are you saying we aren't always nice and polite?" Sky questioned. Laughter rippled through the assemblage of heroes as Hyrule awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, I'm just saying that some of us struggle, maybe just a little, with that last one?"

Everybody's eyes fell on Legend.

"What?" The veteran said.

Hyrule turned bright red and sputtered out an apology, trying to explain that he hadn't meant to single out anybody with that last statement and he was just trying to make sure everybody knew what the townspeople would expect and that he was so sorry gosh just so--

Legend held out a hand in front of him and bounced the Lens of Truth between the fingers of the other. "I'm not mad," he finally said, walking past Hyrule towards the rickety wooden bridge that led to the small town. "I'll be going now. If anyone feels like joining me, be my guest."  

Saria Town was somehow even quieter up close. A smattering of squat, grey buildings pressed their stomachs to the floor, tender blades of grass carpeting the ground beneath them. Soft light poured out of open windows and spilled on the ground. The sleepy villagers perked up at the sight of Hyrule and widened their eyes at the sight of his entourage, waving shyly and grinning when the whole group waved back.

Hyrule stopped in front of the biggest building in the town, hesitating for a split second before knocking. The Links clustered behind him. A woman dressed in purple answered the door, light spilling out from the crack in the door and glinting off the polished wooden porch. Her eyes widened when she recognized the figure at her doorstep.

"Hello, Link! Oh, you look so tired! Do you need a place to stay, darling?"  

"Yes, ma'am," Hyrule said, "and so does my family."  

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[holylulusworld]

Sometimes wrong is better than right...

Summary: It’s just wrong…but at the same time so good. But all the wrong things have their consequences.

Paring: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, a stray cat (named kick-ass)

Warnings: angst, pregnant reader, language, calling names, arguments, a hint of fun, grabby Steve (little pervert), cravings

Wrong-Right Masterlist

Around four months later… France, Provence

Walking along the field you pick one last flower, a poppy. The red flower is the perfect contrast to your purple lavender. The scent of lavender is floral and sweet, the other flowers smell wonderful too, but you prefer the scent of the pretty purple flower since you live here.

Natasha gave you enough money so you could easily buy a little house in the middle of nowhere. No technique, no stress, no super soldiers only silence, and peace.

The only roommate you have is an old stray cat who came around a few days after your moved in and the little fucker decided to stay with you. She’s the only living being you let get close to you. Most of the time you stay to yourself except you need to buy some food.

The little garden behind your house provides fruits and some vegetables but you need more to feed your hunger, so you are forced to walk into town from time to time.

Luckily you found an old bicycle in your house to ride as sometimes your feet won’t carry you that far anymore.

A smile crosses your face when you see the old cat meowing in front of your open door. Wait you never leave your door open, but you don’t lock it either.

You’ve got nothing precious someone could be interested in to steal. Your weapon and passport are always in your purse which you have with you any time so anyone trying to break into your house will be disappointed.

Shrugging you believe the door didn’t shut right, as it happens a lot. Especially during a thunderstorm, it tends to burst open and let the rain in.

Greeting your only friend, you pat the head of the cat and she follows you into the house. You want to put the picked flowers into a vase but then you see the tea kettle on your stove and a cup on your table and you know you didn’t leave the house like this.

You want to get the weapon out of your bag, but Steve is much faster. Pressing you with his full strength into the wall he makes you wince in pain.

“Took us a while to find you as Nat refused to tell us anything. Buck and I against the rest of the Avengers it was, but here we are.” Steve mutters placing one fist against the wall right next to your head and his hand around your arm.

“Please don’t hurt me,” you whisper and Steve cocks a brow.

“I didn’t intend on hurting you, Y/N. We just want to bring you home.”

“You are hurting me…you’re stronger than me…please don’t hurt my babies.” You sniffle and Steve let go of you. Looking down at you in awe his breath hitches in his throat.

“You kept our babies?” Bucky asks before Steve can find his voice.

“I kept my babies, now leave me alone. I’m no harm to you or your life’s. Just leave me be. I was happy. For four months I was finally happy, and you come around to destroy everything again.”

“Happy with a stray cat as your only friend? Hell, you were talking to this bastard.” Bucky chuckles. “He’s not even cute, just a rotten little stinker.”

“Not your problem and it’s a girl, punk.” You grunt. “She’s a good listener in lonely nights.”

“You will pack your things and come back with us,” Steve mutters.

“No way! I’ll stay here. You can’t force me to come back. I don’t want to come back. It’s quite and peaceful here. No wars, fights or men hurting me. Just the cat and me.”

“Y/N you can’t stay here all alone in the middle of nowhere. What will happen during giving birth? Do you want to handle this alone too?” Steve asks staring at your stomach.

“I got a telephone. Believe it or not, there’s an ambulance available any time.”

“I don’t care, doll. You will not give birth to my child in a shitty hospital in Provenceistan.”

“Who asked you for your opinion, Barnes? Answer: No one. Only as you filled me with your cum you got no rights, period.” You grunt stomping your foot onto the ground.

“Can I touch the bump?” Steve asks and you shake your head.

“I don’t want you to touch me. Go away. I don’t want one of you to touch me ever again.” You sniffle.

“Baby, please. I only want to feel my child.”

“I don’t care what you want, Rogers. You didn’t care about my feelings either. You two are as cold as ice. You take what you want without thinking about  consequences. I won’t play your sick games any longer. If you want me to come home you have to kill me as I only leave this house over my dead body.” You state glaring up at the tall Avenger.

“Damn she is one hell of a woman, Stevie. Did she make you hard with her speech too? Look at the boobs, they are bigger too. She looks so beautiful right now…so carefree.”

“Bucky, can you shut your dirty mouth for a second. This is not the way to win her over. Yes, she makes me hard, but I want her back as I love her, not as my sexy kitten.” Steve warns.

“Perverts! Both of you are rotten, dirty perverts. Now get out of my house.” You warn pushing against Steve’s chest.

“You know Nat can’t help you right now. We could just throw you over our shoulder and carry you out of this shithole you call a house.” Bucky chuckles.

“Try me, asshole! I will scream and yell. How does that sound? You’re not that popular in Europe, not after Germany.” You spat and Bucky flinches at your words.

“You promised to never mention Germany.” He mumbles.

“And you promised to love me, to be there for me, just like Captain Asshole over here. Lies, lies and empty promises on your side. Why should I keep mine?”

“You’re better than me.”

“Damn right. I’m a fucking princess, now out of my castle.” You warn and this time Steve starts chuckling.

“She’s damn cute believing she can get rid of us. You see Baby if you refuse to come with us we will stay here. Your decision.”

“You will not stay in my house!”

“We can and we will, doll. Our bags are already in your bedroom.”

“You two are completely insane! You didn’t want me at all and now you want me back. The hell!”

“We always wanted you, doll. Now let me make you my famous buckytastic pancakes and Steve can feed the cat.” Bucky says and you want to strangle him as he walks toward your fridge to poke his head in. “Oh, she’s got no beer, Steve. You need to drive into town. Damn, we need bacon and meat…shit…all green rubbish in here. Nothing to feed a real man.”

“I didn’t invite you to eat my food, asshole.”

“Damn she is stubborn, Cap. I want to bend her over my lap and spank her ass bright red.”

“You can’t hurt me, I’m pregnant.”

“Hmm…then I’ll wait for five months and do it then.”

“Five months?” You gasp staring at the super soldier. The tall man simply shrugs and starts preparing the dough for pancakes.

“We told you we will stay here. Hmm…I better drive into town to get all the stuff we need. How about some ropes to restrain our stubborn lady?” Steve jokes and you gulp hard.

“You can’t do that…this will hurt.” You sniffle.

“Baby, that was a joke. Damn your hormones get you good, huh…Are you horny too?” Bucky asks licking his lips.

“Not for you, pervert.”

“I bet she needs us really bad, Stevie. Could check her out right now.”

“Buck, don’t try anything stupid while I’m on my shopping tour,” Steve warns.

“I need cat food too.” You mutter grabbing your purse. “I’ll come with you…Cap.” You say glancing at a grinning Bucky.

“Uh, she wants the golden boy to go first.”

“Asshole!” You retort.

“We better get going before it gets too late,” Steve says trying to touch your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Sorry.”

“I’m only coming with you as I do not trust this pervert and I need food for my cat.”

----

“You know Natasha is a really good friend. Tony, Fury, everyone tried to get information about your position. About how you made it out of the tower.” Steve tries but you just look out of the window.

“She had nothing to do with my escape. I stole your ID card and grabbed a hidden bag. I spared some money and took the next flight to France.”

“We both know she helped you escaping but I know you would do anything to protect your friend. She did the same.”

“Is she alright or did you hurt her too?” You ask rubbing the bruises at your upper arm Steve caused.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Sometimes I forget about my own strength. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You wanted to hurt me as you thought I aborted the babies, Steve. I saw the hatred in your eyes. Don’t think I’m stupid, Rogers. I know you are a bad liar.”

“I was devasted after you left, just like Bucky.”

“Sure. Why didn’t you knock someone else up? There are plenty of chicks waiting for the golden boy to impregnate them.” You mutter.

“As I only imagine you as the mother of my children. Don’t be this stubborn. You are the most complicated woman in the world.”

“Are you kidding me? As if you know every single woman in the world, Captain Stupid.”

“Bucky is right. I should slap your ass…”

“What a pity I kept your baby.” You spat and Steve glares at you. Opening his mouth and closing it his features darken and he stops the car. “I can still make you obeyed.”

“Dream on, Cap. You will not break me…never again.” You mutter poking your finger into his shoulder.

“Hmm…you know you will not make us leave.”

“Pfff…don’t care. You can sleep outside.”

“With the cat?”

“No, the cat is allowed to sleep in my bedroom…in my bed.” You state grinning and a smirk appears on Steve’s face.

“Meow…” He tries and you giggle. “Won’t work Rogers… ’Kick-ass’ is much cuter than you.”

“Kick ass?”

“Yeah, I named her like that. She attacked a goddamn bulldog as he came too close to me.”

“She’s a fighter then…like you.”

“Hmm…he hurt her pretty badly and I had to bring her to a veterinary. She barely survived but she’s still kicking…ya know.” You whisper and Steve gives you a side-glance. Your sad face makes his stomach drop.

“We should probably head into town or Bucky burns your house down meanwhile.”

“I will kill him if does…it’s not much or pretty but it’s mine. The house is like me, nothing special but someone loves it. I love it.”

----

“We should buy this too.”

“Why should you need pickles?” You ask.

“No, those are for you. Pregnant women eat pickles.” Steve insists.

“Not every woman, Captain know it all.” You retort and an elderly woman starts smiling at you and Steve.

“Ah, Y/N is this your boyfriend? The man who is in oversea?”

“Yes, ma’am, that’s me. I’m Steve Rogers. Nice to meet you.” Steve says smiling like a good boy.

“Such a charming man. He’s a catch, ma chere.”

‘If she only knew’. You think to yourself, but you smile politely and nod while Steve takes the opportunity to sling his arm around your waist and squeeze your butt.

Angrily clenching your fists, you want to kick his ass, but the elder lady won’t stop babbling so Captain Pervert presses his body closer to yours and starts sniffing at your hair.

“Au revoir, ma chere.” She finally says.

“I swear as soon as we are out of here I will kick your ass.” You warn but Steve ignores your words. Simply pecking your cheek, he chuckles squeezing your butt once again.

“You loved it, kitten. I know you did.”

----

“What took you two so long? Did you make a stop to screw each other?” Bucky mutters.

“Captain Pervert grabbed my ass in the grocery store. That’s what happened.” You mutter glaring at a grinning Steve.

“I just played along. So, your loving boyfriend is in oversea? Did you tell the friendly lady you are pregnant of two men my dirty little kitten?”

“No! I didn’t tell her anything!”

“Did you bring beer and meat? Tell me you brought all the stuff I wrote on the list.” Bucky asks.

“I bought everything and pickles.”

“Pickles? For the pregnant lady.” Bucky says while his blue eyes are glued to your hidden bump.

“I don’t need that rubbish.” You mutter glancing at the pickles in Steve’s hands.

“Let’s eat the pancakes before my food gets cold.”

“By the way she wants us to sleep outside,” Steve says and Bucky looks at your grinning face.

“With the cat?” Bucky asks.

“No, the cat is allowed to sleep in her bed.”

“Meow?” Bucky tries and Steve starts cackling. “I tried the same, Buck.”

----

“Come on, Y/N. You can’t let us sleep outside.” Bucky pleas while you toss his bag out of the window.

“This is my house and I won’t let you sleep in my bedroom. I do not trust you two a bit. You will try to touch me or worse, you perv!”

“Fine. We sleep outside, heartless woman.” Bucky mutters walking out of your bedroom with Steve hot on his heels.

----

The house is silent so you tiptoe downstairs to reach your kitchen. Almost at your goal, you stretch your arm to grab the… “Are you looking for these?” Steve asks flicking the light on to show you the pickles in his hands.

“Why are you in my kitchen?”

“We are camping here. Did she come for the pickles?” Bucky asks looking up from the floor.

“She did, Buck. Such a greedy little girl.” Steve chuckles with a dark grin but then his eyes land on your exposed swollen belly and his eyes soften.

“Give these to me…I want them.” You mutter trying to get hold of the pickles in his hands.

“Only if I can touch the bump.”

“That’s blackmailing…you’re a bad father. I’m craving this shit only as you told me pregnant women eat pickles. Give them to me…” You sniffle holding out your hands.

“Damn give her the pickles she’s close to tears, Stevie,” Bucky says unusual softly.

“Here…” Greedily grabbing the pickles you try to open the glass and fail. Cursing you try to get access to the sour little bitches, but the lid won’t move.

“It won’t open.” You whine and Steve takes the glass out of your hands to open it for you. Squealing you take the glass to sit onto a chair to stuff the sour cucumbers into your mouth.

“Damn she really is craving odd stuff.” Bucky chuckles sitting next to you. Wearing nothing but his boxers he places his metal hand onto the table to tap his fingers onto the wood.

“Not bad…” You mutter grabbing another pickle until an odd noise disturbs your cravings festival.

As soon as kick-ass starts hissing you know something’s off. “That’s kick-ass…something must be wrong.” You say and both men jump up.

“Stay here with her. I’ll go outside and check the surroundings. Maybe the cat only saw a mouse.” Steve says but then the door to your house bursts open…

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore, @notyourtypicalrose, @voltage-my2dlove

Wrong-Right Tags

@allonszassbutt, @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad

[dw-thehiraethkids]

Bedtime

I'm going to start off by saying uh the very base of this character came from here so please read it it's a really good story and I uhh aged 13 accidentally stole this boy so 

But he's very different than the other version in this au so hopefully you can forgive me

Also there’s a part (you’ll know it) thats based on that audio with the baby McElroy (i dont know things about them sorry)

And the song referenced is a real song: Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos

It was quiet at night. Not that night was a solid force in the time vortex. But it was quiet nonetheless. The Doctor sat in the console room with his leg in an unexplainable position up on his chair, reading a book. Only at this time could he get any good reading in without any of his human friends going out on adventures, or more pressingly, making sure that Alexander was safe and well taken care of. It was exhausting taking care of a child, even with the amount of help he had between Donna and even Alex’s father. 

He was distracted from his book though, by the sound of pitter pattering feet down the hall, past the console room. He didn’t stop reading though or even look up. If anyone needed anything they were more than welcome to come see him. 

The footsteps came closer and closer. They were definitely Alex’s footsteps: too small and light footed to be anyone else’s. He still didn’t look up. Not for any reason, mostly because Alex had any choice in the situation and he didn’t have to interact with the Doctor if he didn’t want to. Sometimes they’d just sit together in silence enjoying each other’s company. 

But instead tonight Alex pulled on his pant leg, on the leg that was oddly still perched on top of the arm of the chair. He shut the book, with a bit of a dramatic flair. He moved his leg back down to a more realistic position and perched his head in his hands, “What’s up Alexander?”

Alex’s face scrunched up in thought, clearly he’d come into the console room only to forget what his objective was somewhere between his room and there. Something must have clicked though because his face relaxed and he made his way over to the console. He was a bit too short to reach a majority of the controls and clearly didn’t know how to pilot the ship, “I wanna go.”

The Doctor laughed, “Go? Absolutely not; it’s past your bedtime.”

Alex scowled, a look he had most definitely picked up from his father. It was a bit too cute on him though with his little fists balled up and his arms over his chest. Maybe in 30 years it would look intimidating, maybe. He stopped his foot, “No. I wanna go.” 

The Doctor sighed, he wasn’t getting out of a fight that easily. There was no part of him that wanted to just pick him up and drag him back to his room, honestly because he was getting bigger and he didn’t want to haul an uncooperative dead weight across the TARDIS. “Okay, let’s say I was taking you somewhere, which I’m not, where would we go?”

Alex looked up at him, still unimpressed, kids were in the business of getting what they wanted as soon as they wanted. “Home.”

Oh. Well that was an easy one, maybe he was missing his mother. The Doctor could spare a trip to Earth, maybe he’d settle back down to sleep there. “Okay. You want to see your mum?”

That, was evidently the wrong thing to say. Alex’s face went back to a scowl, and his arms back over his chest. “No. Home.”

The Doctor stared down at him confused. The TARDIS and Earth were the only two homes he had ever known. He knew for certain that his father hadn’t been taking him on any secret adventures, the TARDIS didn’t allow him to operate her except in dire circumstances. (This had nothing to do with anything the Doctor had asked for, she was just one to hold a grudge.) “What do you mean? Where do you want to go?”

He rolled his eyes and the Doctor felt himself flash forward to his teenage years and how little he was looking forward to that; he was already too much like his father in some ways. “Not my home. Your home. Yours and daddy’s.”

Oh. He wanted to go to Gallifrey. 

The problem there was that there was no Gallifrey to go to. At least as far as he was aware. Ali hadn’t mentioned her or any of the others at the Collection finding any trace remnants of their planet. As far as any of them it was gone. Dead. He moved to the floor and crouched down to be eye level with Alex, “We can’t go there. It’s gone.” He definitely wasn’t one to shy away from talking about the horrors he’d seen, but he was one to shy away from traumatizing children he helped take care of, so he’d keep it vague. 

But of course that wasn’t a good enough answer for the little one. “How come? Why’d they get rid of it?”

Kids' minds were unique compared to any others. To think that they simply removed a planet with billions of inhabitants for a singular reason made sense to Alex. The Doctor took a deep breath, “Well there were other aliens that didn’t like them very much and they had a war. A very big war and the only way for them to keep other people safe was to lose.”

Alex made his thinking face again, “Why didn't they like Gallifrey?”

It was honestly hard to make a convincing argument as to why anyone would actually like Gallifrey and therefore would be easier to list its benefits rather than its pitfalls, but Alex wouldn’t take that as an answer. “Well, a lot of people didn’t like the Time Lords. But these aliens in particular didn’t like it that the Time Lords kept trying to stop them from taking over everywhere in the universe.”

He really was only alternating between being a very childish version of angry and deep thought in his facial expressions that night. They were all a bit over dramatic and comical. There was a lot of emotion stored in such a little body. “I’m gonna punched it.”

“What?” He was confused, deeply confused. He hadn’t even said who the other combatants were. Or perhaps he intended on punching the Time Lords which the Doctor could only see as fair, they were kind of bastards. But assuming he was talking about the ones who fought the Time Lords, there was no way in hell he was letting this child punch a Dalek. “You want-- you want to punch them?”

“Yeah.”

“How ‘bout instead I take you to your room and I tell you about Gallifrey instead?” There was only one way to win an argument with a child, especially a nonsensical one: distraction. 

He nodded and threw his arms up ready to be carried. The Doctor didn’t love this outcome but it was better than explaining to a little kid the intricacies of the Time War. 

Alex’s room was never too far from the console room. Just in case. Just in case he needed something quickly, as the Doctor spent most of his time there. But just far enough away that if something managed to get into the TARDIS (which really was impossible) that he wouldn’t immediately be in harm’s way. He was also only ever a few doors away from his father, but again far enough away. Just in case. 

Honestly the Doctor was happy, excited even with how much Alex’s father was improving himself after spawning a child. He definitely wasn’t winning any humanitarian awards for his behavior but it was a lot harder to enact evil plots and schemes with a little kid at your side telling you to be sure to mind your manners so you can have a cookie after dinner. 

It was still a surprise that he was sitting on Alex’s bed when they returned. “Oh, he’s not dead.”

He was joking. Sort of. The Doctor rolled his eyes, “Of course--”

“Daddy!” Alex’s face lit up and he ran into his father’s arms. 

The Master looked the Doctor in the eyes, a different look than he’d seen in centuries. It was nice to see it again after so long. “I was going to tell Alex bedtime stories. Have any fond memories about Gallifrey.”

The Master scoffed. The Doctor expected it, the planet had screwed them both over but specifically him in the brutality of the Time Lords. In their ever present belief they were the highest powers in the universe. “You’re really gonna ask me that?”

The Doctor was preparing whatever story came first into his mind. Something kind, Alex was still at the very black and white thinking stage.  Zagreus is strictly off limits as it was disturbingly dark. Plus he was still a bit traumatized from the time he’d manifested into his head just a few regenerations ago. 

“There will come a soldier who carries a mighty sword,” the Master has taken matters into his own hands. 

It was an old folk song. Probably a prophecy he noted. Possibly about him, that was nothing new, clearly he had a large effect on Gallifreyan past, present, and future. Which as one of the only positive renegades in the universe that made sense. 

Alex nuzzled in closer to his father’s hand as he stroked his hair to put him to sleep. “There will come a poet whose weapon is his word.” 

That did sound like him didn’t it. The powerful Time Lord Victorious who could turn armies away with a single word. Not that he hadn’t been powerful in the War but honestly those myths were nothing more than that, just myths. “Night night Doctor ‘n daddy.” 

Then he passed out. 

The Doctor continued humming the old song. They sang it at the festival of Fate. A year end celebration honoring the old gods. He trailed off as the song ended, no need to keep it in his head for the next decade. He’d been there and it was not enjoyable. 

They sat together in a comfortable silence for a while just watching Alex sleep. Eventually though, the Doctor’s curiosity got the better of him, “Why’d you come in here in the first place?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, just staring at his son. “Somethings coming Thete. Something bad and I can feel it. I just—want to get in any of the time that I can.”

The Doctor put his hand over his, “I’m here to help. No matter what it is, Koschei. I’m here for both of you, no matter what. And don’t you dare try and push me out of whatever this is. Got it?”

“Okay whatever loser.”

[bijoulilou]

If Jude's parents still lived pt 3

Days had passed since that night. When I awoke, I was in my own bed, Taryn sprawled on the floor. I had deduced that we had come through my bedroom window on the second floor. Vivi answered my question by throwing it open herself and crawling through gracefully. She had given me a triumphant expression that I couldn't help but complement with a tired but relieved smile.

I didn't bother running that morning or any other after that. Dad noticed right away and asked if something was wrong. I merely replied that I was exhausted. But it wasn't true. None of it was. As I sat at my desk taking notes for history, my mind starts to wonder if I should join a gym or run around the track something falls out of my book. My eyes widen and I slowly reach to pick it up off the floor.

A black feather, the plumage so dark its iridescence shines between a purple and blue twirls between my fingers. I look up to see if anyone notices but they don't. I quickly place it beneath my notebook and turn the page to continue with lecture. There are scribbles there, too elegant to be my own, written anecdotes that don't make any sense. At least not to others like me. At end of the page there's a familiar one, Tayrn and I used to wonder aloud what it meant growing up and Vivi would tease us with a possible answer.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

I remember Cardan tangling his arms through my own as we danced. The honeyed wine I was warned against drinking, the hungry eyes that gathered around and reveled in my humaness. How tired I became and the way we sat and talked for what seemed forever.

I glance at the page until class is over, I try to push the thought of it out of my head for the rest of day. After school, practice is a welcome distraction from the constant buzz of senior nonsense. During this time I don't have to worry about college admission, scholarships or be invested in Taryn's clique drama. She eats up the attention and admiration from everyone, particularly when she gets casted for a lead in a play. When we went back to public school, there was this expectation that it was going to be weird. After watching hours of television, with plotlines revolving around outsiders being rebuked by the general pop--it was natural to be wary. But no, not many people cared if we were homeschooled for a bit. They found us interesting and entertaining. I remember Taryn glowing with pride when our classmates would invite us over to their table for lunch or to hang out after pickup. I was bored and preferred Dad showing me his creations or mom her medicines. It amazes me how right the weapons always felt in my hand, especially the weight of the sword. Dad beamed and said I looked like a knight, I think that's why I took to sports so easily, I played other sports in the off season to stay in shape and ready. Mom would lecture us when we'd play with wooden swords about strategy and cunning. Vivi would leave the room, she didn't want to hear stories of battles that didn't happen or the undercut ways to win wars. But the way mom would describe would sound so real, she'd stop talking about when dad came in the room. Mom would wipe us with poultice and make us strands of hawthorn and rowan berries when we'd play in the woods. After we started hanging out with other children she'd stop doing it as much.

A teammate of mine had tackled the lights out of me, I felt the wind get wicked out of my lungs. This wasn't like me, to be here but not totally here. To be absentminded.

In the locker room, after a very long cold shower and scaring some of my teammates with my scowl, I slowly get dressed.

"Pick your poison." Katie, dark haired with deep bronze skin holds up a kinesthetic tape and baby aspirin. I pick the aspirin, taking two with a swig from my water bottle. Katie hands me the tape anyway and I reluctantly start to wrap up my ribs, hissing during the process. The phrase sticks in my head, like a rhyme.

Pick your poison.Pick your Poison.Pick your--

"Do you want to go to Laken's party tonight?" Mara asks us. She's the one that tackled me out on the field, she gives me an apologetic expression. I throw a pair of dirty socks at her and call it even. Mara accepts this with a wrinkled nose and sits next to me, waiting for our answer. Katie nods, we were going to go hang out at a coffee shop and do homework. But after today, I can blow some steam.

"Let me just drop off my bag at home at first." They both give me an unimpressed eye roll. They suspect that I'll bail, I'm not a huge fan of Laken's parties. They tend to get out of hand, not in a fun way either. "I gotta run it by parents first, you guys know how my mom hates texts."

They nod. It's only half true that , mom hates when we text her, she'd prefer seeing our faces with face time or in person. She's been wary about us being on our own as we get older. Dad usually covers for us, like he did for that night in woods. He thinks mom worries too much.

"Hey Jude, there's someone here for you." One of the junior girls notifies me. My brow furrows in frustration. Taryn can be a real priss sometimes, she detests coming into the locker room. Taryn complains of the smell, but I swear the boys locker room's stench wafts all the way to the tennis courts.

Katie gives annoyed snort, " That sister of yours is a piece of work."

Before I can defend Taryn, Mara interrupts and says she'll walk me out and makes us confirm that we'll meet up later. Katie and I give a half hearted okay. When I try to hand Katie back her wrap she tells me to keep it. I give her a thanks, which is rare. We call it a truce.

As we're walking out Mara starts to ask me what's the deal between Katie and Taryn. I explain that those two have always been at odds since middle school. Taryn accuses her of being a nag and a bore, Katie says that she's pushy and manipulative. Mara sighs, but before she can say anything, a slight girl with thick cloud of white hair greets me. Except she's not a girl.

Mara waves goodbye, telling me she'll hopefully see me later at Laken's party. My visitor greets me but I can see through disguise. A boy in passing gives her a hooded look, she responds by winking. As she retrieves a beanie from her back pocket, he looks back repeatedly hoping to catch her eye. She's oblivious, or probably doesn't care, as she asks me to follow her. Without hesitation, she grabs my hand to lead me anyway.

Not sure why, but I follow her. I could easily take her, magical being or not. We walk the past tennis courts cutting through the now empty fields to some abandoned benches. There's a slumped figure sipping what seems like a slurpee, the closer I get i can see that he isn't human either. His crooked nose hangs at a strange angle while his skin has unhealthy green gleam beneath it. I ask if he's alright and she grins like it's a joke. She whistles and he looks up but I see another figure shoots up like a bullet.

I stop, unable to help my jaw from dropping. Its Cardan dressed in casual clothes like his companions.

"Are you all actually dressed in regular clothes or is that glamour?" The three of them stiffen. "Is everyone really that surprised that I figured that out? I mean my sister is one of you. Half of you?" I wave off that math problem and face the one at hand.

"Ah. Yes and no." Cardan admits, the other two don't know how to process his open honesty. He makes introductions, "These are my acquaintances, I trust them with most things and I hope you do the same. This is the Bomb and the Roach." The male does a little curtsey while the female does a flourish with her hat as she bows.

"Fancy," I admonish," I am Jude as you all know." I bend my knees a little and awkwardly wave. Cardan beams and I start to notice all the little details. He's wearing an outfit that seems oddly familiar with a few tags sticking out. The Bomb and the Roach's attire look worn and inconspicuous.

"Funny, I would have thought you referred to as the Queen." The Roach points one of my many embellished sweaters I have on. An oversized maroon pullover with my nickname scrawled in gold on the sleeves and crown on my chest. Dad gave it to me for Christmas. There's a knitted cal that's meant to look like a crown at the back of my closet. I wear that after a game to show good sportsmanship.

"Yeah. Hey, I've seen that before. Did you get that off a mannequin at Target?" I squint and start to pull off the tags. Yep, definitely from Target. I notice the venti spiked black matte Starbucks cup in Cardan's hand. "DUDE! I've been saving up to get that. Where did you get this?"

"I just happened to come upon this today." Cardan casually shrugs but the way he phrases it sounds strange.

" You took this from someone didn't you." I can imagine him on his way out of the store with bags in hand, spotting this cup and taking someone's order.

"It was there in the open, nobody had claimed it. I assure you." Cardan rises and beckons me forward. "Did you get any of my messages?"

Before I could answer, the Bomb steps in. "Your highness, perhaps it be a better idea to have this conversation in closed quarters."

Cardan assess her but agrees with a tilt of his chin. "Jude, would you join me?" He extends his hand towards me as the other two turn to leave into the woods.

"Where? Wait where are they going?"

Cardan sighs and extends his hand again, "Do you trust me?"

Without hesitation I hand him my bag and say, "No. But I've got questions. Perhaps you can fill me in." I take his hand instead and start leading him away from the forest and start dialing my mom's number. I press a finger to my lips, gesturing for him to stay quiet. Mom picks up on the third ring, opting for face time.

"Hey mom. My friends and I are going out to eat and I might spend the night at Katie's. Laken's having a party." I roll my eyes at the last bit.

Mom tucks her hair behind her ears, revealing the seashell drop earrings Taryn gave her for mother's day. With a grimace, she calls Laken an awful child which prompts her to ask questions. Where's Taryn? Have I heard from Vivi? Why am I going to said awful child's thing if I detest it so much? What's the point of having so many children if they dont keep an eye for each other?

While I answer her questions with mostly shrugs and half hatched answers, Cardan observes the contents of my backpack. I throw my shoe at him, quickly hanging up before my mom can hear his disapproval.

"You should be so lucky." Cardan sighs and pulls on a beanie with my name emblazoned on it. Taryn made that so people don't confuse us, I'm not that narcissistic. "Ah, there it is. So you did get my messages." He flips through my notebooks and pulls out what looks like the feather I found in class today.

Cardan zips up my backpack while I decide what's the best course of action.

"Is it safer if we go to a human place to eat or your potential hide hole?" He cocks an eyebrow in my direction. "I only assume it's not where you actually live. I doubt I'm welcomed there."

Cardan fixes upon me, measuring my pause and I'm afraid he can hear how fast my heart is beating. I put my hand on my hips, relieved that I left my sports bag in my locker. All that weight might slow us down again.

"Let's go somewhere safe for the both of us." Cardan gestures and I take his hand to lead us to the diner.

We walk at a leisurely pace as Cardan takes in the sights and observing my kind in their natural habitats. We make it to the Moonlight diner to find it mostly empty. I lead Cardan to a booth and wait for the waitress to greet us.

Watching Cardan bounce on the seats and dump the sugar out of the canister prompts me to apologize and order water and napkins. The waitress is not amused by my companion's peculiar behavior. I mouth that he's an exchange student before she walks away. Cardan flips through the menu, catching the reflection off the laminated surface, he starts to flip it back and forth.

Repeatedly.

When the waitress returns I ask for more time. With an annoyed look she leaves us and I slam my hand to stop Cardan from playing with the menu.

"What do you recommend?" Cardan sits forward with his hands under his chin, upset that I ruined his fun.

"The cat tendencies with you." I point out and then quickly add,"If you have a sweet tooth then I suggest the pie a la mode or a milkshake." He holds a hand up and asks for both.

When she comes back I ask for two order of the pie, a vanilla milkshake, and coffee. I'm going to need the caffeine.

"So...where to begin?" I muse bringing the cup of black coffee to lips. My eyes flicker to his as he's sipping his water. Cardan makes a face but keeps sipping it anyway.

"Let's start with my unanswered messages." Right then the waitress, Cindee, as it says on her name tag brings Cardan his milkshake. An expression flies across her face as she catches the last bit of our conversation. She walks away thinned lipped, intrigued by our table.

With a clearing of my throat I explain that I haven't a clue about what he's referring to. I raise my legs to put my feet on his seat. Cardan's eyes fall on them and he asks about my knee. I tell him that it's better, I hardly notice it at all. What I don't tell him is that I saved the scrap of cloak that he wrapped it in. It's locked away in my jewelry box.

"Those riddles and rambling in my notebook...the feather, were those what you're referring to?"

Once again, Cindee chimes in with our food. When I thank her, she slowly retreats away to tend to somebody else.

"That and other things. What about the others? I had them delivered on your walk home and at your window." When he sees my confusion he reaches for my backpack and retrieves an acorn. Before I can ask how that got in there, he pops the top off and reveals a thin scroll of parchment with familiar scrawling.

"Is that why I keep finding acorns everywhere?!" I take it and hold it up to the light. Sure enough it's a message from Cardan about how he missed me for my morning run. Asking if he could join me. I try to imagine Cardan running and instantly laugh. He does not find this amusing.

"I sent them in pinecones and on ribbons. Imagine my surprise when I heard you finally came upon the ones I wrote upon your notebook. That's why I sent the Bomb to meet you. The Roach helped me blend in, you pointed out that my usual attire can be distracting."

"Sorry, I still can't wrap my head around the pinecone thing." There's a few that I found on the other side of my windowsill, one just this morning. Cardan makes crude noise. He tells me not to apologize ever to a faerie, especially himself. I reach for the extra milkshake cylinder and take a spoonful. Make sure to keep that in mind.

"What did you want to tell me that you couldn't tell me in person?"

One of Cardan's ears peek out of the beanie as he sips on his milkshake. I glance at it quickly before looking out the window. When we were little, Vivi let us touch her ears. The childish urge to trace them surfaces and I silently repress it. Sitting on my hands, I wait for his answer.

"I wanted to make sure that I was keeping up with my promise. You asked me to refrain from stalking you and I didn't want to offend you."

I turn to face him with a softened gaze, "Me too. I mean, I was half expecting you to show up at my window. I'm pretty sure Locke has been visiting my sister. Taryn doesn't want to admit that he can't tell us apart. " I recall how he called taped on my window one night and I threaten to push him off the roof.

Cardan bursts out laughing, the beanie falling off his head. Without missing a beat, he reaches to put it back on. His cheeks are rosy and I can't help the corners of my mouth from tilting up.

"I must admit, I was...wary of Locke being around. He tends to fancy himself a charmer."

I think back to the party, as Cardan and I conversed in the dark, from the corner of my eye I saw Locke talking with the blue haired girl.

"He doesn't sound like a good friend to me. I couldn't help but noticing the way the blue haired girl glared at us. They seemed to be talking half the night." I take a spoon and being to dig into my melting pie a la mode. "Was she an ex of yours?" I ask point blank.

Cardan frowns, "An ex?"

Taking a bite of the pie and melted cream, I supply the phrases 'ex-lover' and ''ex-girlfriend'. He nods and I can deduce that Locke had everything to do with it.

"Makes sense. I thought only girls on the field wanted to melt me with their eyes. Now I got a mermaid out to murder me."

Another chuckle leaves his lips, "It truly surprises me how quick you are." He uses his spoon to taste from my plate and I slap it away with my own. The metal clanging hirts my teeth but this is my life's honor I'm defending. He reaches for it anyway and I smack that back of his hand with my spoon this time. "Young lady, may I remind you that this is a prince you are dealing with. Most would find you bold--"

"Most do find me bold, dear prince." And I rapidly take a spoonful of his cherry pie and smile triumphantly at slight of hand.

Cardan does not find that amusing, "I've punished others for less you know." His voice is laden thick with warning and I serve him an equally cool tone.

"As have I. Though you are a prince, as funny as you may find, many consider me queen. This is my domain sort to speak and you are my guest. I expect you abide by our customs as most would yours."

His eyes darken at my words and he rapts his long fingers on the table. "If our roles were reversed and you were amongst my people instead of yours, would you pay me the expected respect of my title?"

"If you behaved as a faerie of your title should, with just and fairness?" I ask and he gives a little nod," If you didn't provoke or threaten my livelihood I might abide by those natural laws of your world. But that is neither here nor there. Besides, I can't imagine a situation were I would even get that close to you, much less be accepted under your court."

" Jude, even you with your lightly heeded title are respected amongst your peers. Though my kind are by your definition unpredictable but we still abide by rules and Mark's of respect. There are exceptions at my court, under my father's rule nothing quite surprises me. A human to be accepted as part of the gentry, it's not unheard of."

I'm not convinced, "Okay. Give me an example. A real example not something that you heard some inkling of from centuries before." I play with the last bits of my food the conversation turning my stomach as our light attitudes are dampened by what goes unsaid.

What a ridiculous notion, to fall in love with a person from a different world.

Cardan chooses his words carefully and he begins to trace the lines of my open palm. I've realized that he does this as a distraction and come to find all these excuses he makes to touch me. As if I might disappear like a whiff if smoke. He observes a garnet ring that I have on my ring finger. It belongs to my mom, theres an insignia on it. Honestly it could be anything for that matter.

"Actually, there was a general. A Red Cap that married a mortal." Cardan picks apart my fingers, memorizing their shape and intricate grooves. "I've been told that my mother was great friends with this woman, which is rare for such a mortal to not only be accepted but recognized as his legitimate wife. Those two would be at the center of it all causing mirth and chaos. One day the general comes back from battle to find his residence burned to the ground. His wife and child burned to ash."

I pull my hand away from the story. Something about it sounding so familiar. My voice is quiet and I manage to keep the quake out of it when I ask him to continue.

"Nobody knows. There are rumors that his enemies took advantage of his absence to take their revenge. Others say perhaps she had a spurned lover who committed a crime of passion." Cardan's eyes become engrossed with the outside world for a moment," But I believe otherwise. I'm convinced that our world, like for most humans, threatened to consume her and she ran away to start anew. Our ways are not for everyone you see. We fae are naturally violent and bloodthirsty. Our hedonistic lifestyles have lead many of then to abandoned their offspring to other faeries or creatures a like to look after them. Even at times switching us with human babies so that their parents can supply us with love and affection."

We stay silent, even as Cindee brings us our check and I hand her the money to pay. She returns with my change and I leave her a tip beneath the now empty sugar canister.

Cardan doesn't turn away instead he waits patiently for me to react or say anything. I don't do either but just sit there. My phone rings and Cardan's face finally breaks to retrieve my buzzing device. Its Taryn.

I quickly text back a response. Mom had told her that I left with some friends to go eat out before a party. She's making sure I meet up with her and that I wear something appropriate. I send her a snarky response and an illusive idk. Taryn quickly texts me back to no be lame and the time she expects me to be there. She's at a friend house getting ready it seems.

"I gotta go. Everyone's expecting me attend a kickback or whatever." I reach for my stuff and get up to leave. It takes a minute for me to go outside and process what he said. I'm not sure if the story sounds familiar or if it's a warning of what's to come if I choose to continue down this path.

Path? What am I going on a soul quest? No! I'm 17 and a senior in high school, waiting to go to college and figure out my life here. Nothing's changed. Except I met this weird boy whose definitely been stalking me for several months now. Sending me messages via pinecones and holding mybhand carrying my bag. The first part is off but the rest of it isn't anything new. I mean I've had boyfriends before that would do that stuff. Like Collin, he did that all the time before we broke up over the summer before college. Why I am worried about boy or whatever he is? This is dumb, my feminist foremothers did not--

"Jude are you okay?" Mara asks and I practically jump out of my skin.

While I was silently tail spinning, Mara and Katie happen to be going by. I'm not sure what I looked like, standing outside the Moonlight diner, staring at the void as all this new stuff came crashing down on me. But nonetheless, I'm glad they showed up when they did.

Katie and Mara share a moment before asking me where I'm headed. Katie's eyes narrow down at my backpack and she questions me about it. Just then, the last person that I wanted to be there decided to catch up with me. My friends do not hide their ogling as he butts in.

"Whose this?" Mara asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh this? This is Car-rigan. He's my new next door neighbor." Katie's sniper eyes move from my backpack back to me and then Cardan. Mara repeats the name that she was just given and Cardan promptly nods.

"That's what I'm called. It's a family name." Katie doesn't seem to buy it and asks where does he live because its obvious my family lives in every secluded area. "Its a hard to find but I can assure you it's back there."

They offer to give us a lift, that way we can all wait and leave for the party at the same time. I'm about to refuse until Cardan accepts their offer. As we get into the car, I worry if the amount of iron will kill him. But he seems unbothered by it for the most part. He reaches for my hand. I reflexively pull it way, still shaken by our conversation.

When we get to my door, they're surprised to see him follow me out. They offer to take him home but I decline. I'm surprised when they pull away, they text me that they were heading to moonlight diner for some grub anyway and just to text them when we were ready. Mara sent me a wink in our group chat and I had a hard time understanding what she meant.

Surprise surprise, my dad was out back. It was already dark but there was an half empty pizza box on the table. Typical. Cardan looked around, mystified by it all. There were drawings and portraits scattered throughout the house with pictures of all of us even Vivi. Recently there was a one of her and her girlfriend Heather on the fridge. Dad had wondered aloud if she should be included in our family Christmas card. Mom pointed out that we never had a family Christmas card.

"Yeah, it's an eclectic mix of bohemian meets OCD. It's like mom likes the idea of chaos but lives for rigid order. Don't get mud on the carpet, she'll skin you alive and show all her friends her rare pearl prince throw rug in the spring. "

I tell Cardan to wait there as I go upstairs. But I hear my dad call my name from the back porch and I grab Cardan's hand and race with him up the stairs. I shove him in my room and lean over the banister with a 'yeah dad?'. Dad pokes his head through the door way but doesn't move to join me. He thought it was me when he saw me through the window and he offers me pizza. From here I can just make out the graying temples of his hair, most men in his family gray early. He pushes his glasses that he seems to use more of now in older age, his olive skin with a smattering of freckles that make him seem younger than he is. Dad smiles and asks about my day. I give him mostly sincere answers and he tell me a bit about his. I'm trying not dance in panic because theres a boy/magical prince in my room. Dad doesn't catch on and waves me off to get ready. He informs me that mom is out with her friends so she's more than likely to come home buzzed and forgetful about curfew. Dad shrugs playfully and I giggle at his cleverness. The old man has it figured out.

When I hear the door close, watching dad's retreating figure return to his converted barn through the back porch window, I race back to my room. Cardan is casually sifting through my things, bauble earrings are threaded in his lobes and my knitted crown sits right above his head.

"You know it's really unfair how attractive you still manage to be when quite clearly look silly." I finally drop my bag and jump to lay on the bed. Cardan removes the earrings but not the crown before sitting beside me. In a flash I rip it off and replace it the hat from before. This time without tucking his ears. I nod at my handy work and lay down. Cardan doesn't move. At first. Eventually he moves to lay beside me, put feet dangling off the side of the bed.

"Now what?" Cardan asks but stay fixated on the ceiling. If I were to turn, there's no question what i would do. I would behave illogical as most girls would have done. But I Jude Duarte have no time to act illogical.

"This whole afternoon just came out of left field. It was unexpected. A pleasant un-expectation. Though I can't let it happen again." My voice sounds different but it's the tone I need to convey right now.

"Jude, look at me." Cardan's voice is soft but there's an edge to it like my own.

"If I do," I keep myself focused on this one spot above me, " will you kiss me?"

"If you allow me to do so, yes."

For a moment we don't move, my chest barely rising up and down nor do I hear the breathing of his. It almost startles me when Cardan begins to talk again. He's waving a thin piece of black almost gossamer fabric above me and I recognize what it is.

"Why did you keep this? I had earnestly believed this meant nothing to you. Just a simple bandage." He is about to toss it when I take it from him, his fingers quick to tangle with mine. "Jude?" Cardan asks softly.

I close my eyes as I admit "After the night, when I woke up in my room. I kept it as a reminder that that night was real. In case I ever forgot to keep my word."

"A reminder of my favor." There's a dulcet tone to his voice as he says my name again but I stay fixed upon the ceiling. It isn't until he start to kiss my fingers, palms then wrists. The controlled yet hungry manner he rolls up till we see chest to chest and he buries his hands in my hair.

For a moment, I allow myself to be young foolish and illogical. But even I have a hard time swallowing that lie.

[dinomight]

all the stars in all the skies: a playlist for Home and a Half by @echodrops

the chain - fleetwood mac // sorrow - the national // nothing’s gonna hurt you baby - cigarettes after sex // child i will hurt you - crystal castles // constant craving - the cat and owl // run boy run - woodkid // female robbery - the neighbourhood // sleepsong - bastille // small things - ben howard // iron - woodkid // greens of june - neko case // mars - sleeping at last // iscariot - walk the moon // human - daughter // body - mother mother // i come with knives - iamx // all these things that i’ve done - the killers // an angry blade - iron & wine // all the stars - the wailin’ jennys // i’ll be good - jaymes young // slow wake up sunday morning - mountain man // someone to stay - vancouver sleep clinic // it’s alright - mother mother // this is home - cavetown

Song explanations under the cut!

First I’d like to clarify: I’m not insane. I’m just a huge ass dork for this fic. (For a lot of things, really, but irrelevant.) HaaH is one of my favorite written works ever, fanfiction or not, so I really, truly should not have been surprised that this playlist ended up being so much longer than I meant for it to be, and it probably could’ve been even longer if I’d let myself keep going. In my defense, I can’t art, so this is one of my only ways to show my appreciation.

Anyways, I’m not gonna wax poetics about how much I love this story because we would be here all day and this post is too long as it is, so down to business: this playlist is very loosely structured. It’s hard to give the songs a significant order when only a few correspond to specific moments or lines; most of them I chose to focus more on bigger picture themes and concepts from the story. So the order isn’t that important, I just organized them so they’d transition relatively smoothly sound-wise and tried to keep similar concepts together. Additionally, I did use both quotes from the fic and the songs in some of my explanations, so fic quotes are bolded and song lyrics are in italics. Some of these are short, some are a bit longer, some are just the quotes because I didn’t feel the need to explain further, but hopefully all of them give a good idea of why I chose the song. I thought about just posting the playlist by itself, but I felt weird not explaining the thinking behind it, so uh, here it is I guess? 

1) The Chain - Fleetwood Mac: The best song in existence. Objectively speaking, of course. The first time I heard this while thinking of HaaH though, it just fit so well, and I haven’t really been able to un-associate the two since. (Not that I want to lol) It just has such a desert vibe to it that matches with the story, and I think it represents Keith’s desperation to avoid rejection from the team so well. It’s like...if I were to picture a trailer for HaaH, this is the song I would hear in the background, y’know? 

2) Sorrow - The National: This one’s a bit of a weird one because I can’t quite put into words why this is on here. Like, I added it back when I was just throwing some songs together for background atmosphere while reading HaaH, but when I was working to make this into something more thought out, I couldn’t bring myself to take this song off. So here it is, I guess. 

3) Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex: This one is here more for its sound and atmosphere, not really the lyrics. It just sounds like...nostalgia, I guess. Like it’s supposed to be reminiscing about something comforting, but it’s not quite there because the pain of the present is keeping you rooted. The way I hear it, it’s like Keith is thinking about his mom and her love and comfort, but it’s tainted by the loss of all of that. (I might be slightly insane. I’ve come to terms with that.) 

4) Child I Will Hurt You - Crystal Castles: I don’t know how else to phrase this so I’m just gonna say it: this song gives me the heebie jeebies, just like Keith’s flashbacks to his earlier times with the Garrison. I swear, every time he says replacement mother or father it gives me chills. Or makes me want to cry a bit. It just feels so wrong, and that’s why I picked this song, ‘cause it gives me the same feeling. The music is so soft, like it was supposed to be a lullaby, but the lyrics and the feeling underneath is...disturbing. Plus, “Hide all that you could / Done for the greater good / It’s later understood” reminds me all too well of the Garrison scientists and what they did to Keith. 

5) Constant Craving - The Cat and Owl: So while I was searching for songs to add, it suddenly occurred to me that despite the fact that one of Keith’s major problems is that he can’t put his thoughts and feelings into words properly, every single song I’d added did exactly that. And so began my search for some instrumental songs that unfortunately only turned up this one, mostly because I realized this playlist was getting far too long lol. Though now that I’ve thought about it, an all instrumental HaaH playlist would be an interesting challenge. Hm. I already knew I wanted to add Constant Craving as a sort of representation for Keith’s own craving for love, acceptance, and family, but when I heard this version I knew it was right. Keith knows he desperately needs all these things, but he can’t put it into words, can’t communicate it right. It’s made even better by how well known the original song is, because you can feel the familiarity in it, feel what’s missing and what should be there, but it’s different at the same time, like that absence has created something strange, something off-kilter from what it should have been. Plus it’s sorta a lullaby version, which I like since Keith’s childhood is an often reoccurring topic. 

6) Run Boy Run - Woodkid: Seems to me like there’s a lot of shit Keith’s been running from. (also...running makes me think of “escaped from the Garrison”. Escaped. Escaped. ESCAPED.)

7) Female Robbery - The Neighbourhood: There’s some really fucked up stuff in Keith’s past in addition to the whole Galra thing, and he really does not want the team to find out any of it. This song makes me think a lot about that. 

8) Sleepsong - Bastille: “You go to sleep on your own / And you wake each day with your thoughts / And it scares you being alone, it's a last resort” & “All you want is someone onto whom you can cling / Your mother warned of strangers and the dangers they may bring / Your dreams and memories are blurring into one / The scenes which hold the waking world slowly come undone.” ...yeah.

9) Small Things - Ben Howard: Another song that’s on here more for the sound than the lyrics, though the lyrics could possibly fit. I just love the dreamy, suspended feeling that this song exudes and how well it fits with the feeling that Keith’s flashbacks and memories give me. 

10) Iron - Woodkid: “But Keith was gone—every reflex retuned for battle, every nerve sparking under his skin, and all there was fight, win, refuse to be killed.“ - “I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest / I'm ready for the fight, and fate” So the lyrics don’t *exactly* match up, but the underlying themes are there, I think, and the atmosphere of this one was more important to me anyways. The intensity of it just screams fighting and death and red to me. 

11) Greens of June - Neko Case, k.d. lang, Laura Veirs: “Just in the moment / Everything's changed / My dark disposition / Has been rearranged” The arrival of the kids is certainly not a very happy time considering the circumstances, but it brought a change that Keith desperately needed, one that will hopefully help him actually be happy. (My other reason for choosing this song is, for whatever reason, it also gives me desert vibes.) 

12) Mars - Sleeping at Last: “We let the end goal blind us to the means. We’ll have to re-evaluate before we take on any more missions. If violence is our go-to method of beating the enemy, we’re no better than the empire ourselves.” -  "Lay your weapons down! / They're calling off the war / On account of losing track / Of what we're fighting for." The team has taken up an immense and necessary duty to protect the universe, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get caught up in the grey areas of war, and it doesn’t mean they get to come home without scars. 

13) Iscariot - WALK THE MOON: Broganes, anyone? For real though, this song is about betrayal between two people who are essentially brothers (specifically Jesus and Judas but I didn’t pick it for the religious references). While I don’t think Shiro is gonna see Keith being Galra and hiding it as a personal betrayal, Keith clearly does. “How long did he have left before…Before Lance said he’d known all along there was something wrong with Keith, before Pidge threw his hypocrisy back in his face: no secrets between paladins, huh? Before Allura turned her back on him. Before Shiro couldn’t, and Keith had to meet his eyes, watch betrayal dawn white-star bright and burning.” Ah. That sweet, terrible angst.

14) Human - Daughter: “Underneath the skin there's a human / Buried deep within there's a human / And despite everything I'm still human / But I think I'm dying here.” I think this song works on two levels. One, you can take “human” to be quite literal and interpret it as Keith’s desperation to hide his Galra heritage and keep pretending that he’s entirely human, even though it clearly has awful emotional repercussions for him. Two, you can look at “human” with a metaphorical lens to talk about how even though Keith seems like a cold tough guy on the surface, underneath that is a complicated mess of emotions and trauma, and not being able to properly deal with all of that is killing him. 

15) Body - Mother Mother: One of the things about HaaH that I find most interesting is Keith’s relationship with his body. Between the whole Galra form vs human form, the fact that his human form is not how he was born, and everything that the Garrison did to him...it’s a goddamn mess. Hence, this song. can I please give this boy a hug 

16) I Come With Knives - IAMX: First and foremost, I had to include this song for the irony, because Keith did, in fact, come with a knife. However, I also included it because I really like how on the surface, it can be written off as just another angsty emo song, but if you take the time to really listen to it, it’s filled with genuine emotion and hurt. (Almost like a certain knife-wielding alien boy I know...)

17) All These Things That I’ve Done - The Killers: I have a few different reasons for why this song is here, but the main one is pretty much “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier”. I mean...yeah. That screams Keith to me. He’s driven and angry and passionate and willing to fight so hard to protect the people he loves, but...that doesn’t mean he’s emotionally okay with being a soldier, even if the rest of the team seems to think otherwise.

18) An Angry Blade - Iron & Wine: Another one that immediately earned points for Keith irony in the title. Seriously though, I love the tone of this song for Keith. It’s got desert vibes to it, and maybe it’s just because my hearing isn’t fantastic, but I like that the lyrics are a bit hard to make out. You really have to listen. (Again, almost like...hmm...) Plus: “You’re an angry blade and you’re brave / But you’re all alone”

19) All the Stars - The Wailin’ Jennys: I swear I didn’t just pick this for the title. It was a little bit for the title though, sue me. Nope, it was more for “So open wide your wounded heart / Feel yourself be blown apart” because for the love of god, Keith, please open up a bit more to the people around you. On a more serious note, I was also struck by “You don’t know me / You know one side of a story” because it’s true for both Keith and his mother. The Keith part is obvious--the team, with the exception of Shiro, only really sees the Keith that’s on the surface. But it’s kinda true for Keith and his mom too, right? He’s missing so much information because of his spotty memories. Up until the kids arrived, it seems like he didn’t even consider the idea that she might be, y’know, not evil. So...yeah. Also “All the stars in the sky / Say goodbye say goodbye” because I didn’t need my heart, it’s fine, it’s okay, I’m not crying over a fictional character and the death of his alien mother, there’s just dirt in my eyes--

20) I’ll Be Good - Jaymes Young: “But if there was a way to stop the blood flowing down his glove, the sound a sword made when it struck bone, the way her breath came in pieces between the shocks her sobs, then he definitely would have... “ - “I've been cold, I've been merciless / But the blood on my hands scares me to death / Maybe I'm waking up today”

21) Slow Wake Up Sunday Morning - Mountain Man: “It's lucid dreaming; he knew it wasn't real, not anymore, but still he couldn't focus his eyes, couldn't see past the fall of her hair in the pale morning light...” - “The light / It moves / Across this room / Like it could reach us, honey” & “We are already there, it seems / (I know I can't stay in this place)” I don’t quite know how to explain why I connected this song with this moment beyond the whole early morning thing but...this moment was an especially emotional one for me. It felt like something Keith wanted to hold on to, wanted to go back to, but just like the sun continues rising, the world keeps moving, regardless of whether we want it to or not. 

22) Someone to Stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic: “You were alone left out in the cold / Clinging to the ruin of your broken home / Too lost and hurting to carry your load / We all need someone to hold” I just...yeah. There’s not much I need to say about this one. Just Keith and the kids, man. 

23) It’s Alright - Mother Mother: Whenever I listen to this song, I feel like I’m getting a hug. Since I cannot project myself into fictional stories and hug the characters myself, I instead gift this song to Keith. Please, someone give this boy more hugs. Please.

24) This is Home - Cavetown: “Get a load of this monster / He doesn't know how to communicate / His mind is in a different place / Will everybody please give him a little bit of space / Get a load of this trainwreck / His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet / But little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms / Oh / Time is / Slowly / Tracing his face / But strangely he feels at home in this place.” <3

This got way too long, so to anyone who actually made it through all of that, I sincerely apologize. >.<

[hyunlixsung]

MIROH // Hyunjin 1

Here it is part one of Miroh. This will be a chapter story changing point of view ever chapter so look out for who’s next!

Mindset. It’s all about mindset. From the moment you wake up, to the moment you rest your head in dreams. Everything your emotions, thoughts, perceptions, reactions, and actions are up to you. Every moment is yours to destroy or thrive. You cannot go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. We will fight this war and win. We shall become the storm.

Aera’s log

When the corruption began I don’t even know. I just remember the day so vividly. Like a switch was flipped. Every citizen was to get an embedded name ID in their skin. The rules came after. No soliciting. Curfew at 11 pm. No removal of the ID. Follow orders. Do as your told. Stay out of the way. Most importantly do not cross the government leaders. As corrupt as they were it was better to shut your mouth than to undergo whatever sick punishment they could conjure up.

We went on about our lives with the changes in place, but sooner or later the system was becoming injust. It is the people’s right to crumble the injust system of government. A rebellion first began by a group that called themselves BlackPink. Four girls had tried to overthrow the government, but they were unsuccessful. Forced to surrender on their knees and they became pawns of the government. A reminder of what happens when you mess with them. Limbs replaced by metal like a robot. They broke them down to pieces until there was only a shell left of them. Rumor has it some of them escaped, but the government didn’t even bother to look for them. That’s how bad they were beat down. My guess is that they died and didn’t get very far.

That was four years ago and today everyone is more careful and you never know who is on your side. I’m not technically an actual member of the rebellion, but my boyfriend is. Hwang Hyunjin was meticulous, precise, intelligent, and devilishly handsome. We had been together for two years now. It started when I had been out past curfew. My sister was terribly ill and mama couldn’t run the risk of trying to get herbs let alone medicine so I volunteered to go out. It was risky and punishment could range from a warning to whips to being roboticized depending on the guard. I knew the risks and I still went out for those herbs.

I had carefully memorized the schedule, but I made a mistake. A guard had been on duty and I don’t know what he would’ve done if it weren’t for Hyunjin. He saved me and even helped me gather herbs for my sister. After he had helped me he proposed I give him something in return and that was a date. The rest is history and here we are two years later. Now remember when I said I wasn’t technically a member of the rebellion? It’s cause I wasn’t at the time. Hyunjin is protective of me. I know what he’s doing is dangerous. He and eight other boys call themselves skz and they are the head of the rebellion. They use the shut off underground subway to scheme up their plans. Something big must’ve been coming as Hyunjin insisted I leave the city. Well that and the disappearance of skz leader’s fiance Cheyanne and two other members, Jeongin and Seungmin’s girlfriends Kira and Araya. She disappeared around two weeks ago without a trace. The idea came up fairly recently, but he insisted further.

Not going to lie. We argued, a lot. My safety was his number one priority and I reluctantly left the city to finally reunite with my mom and sister without his knowledge. It was now or never and I chose now and I wasn’t alone. Siyeon, Minho’s girlfriend, had joined me as he kept introducing the idea and the opportunity was too perfect to pass up as the guards excessively questioned people leaving the city and we had to be secretive about it. Not to mention we had gotten rid of our ID’s on our arms and there was sure to be punishment for that. So we left without telling anyone and we headed south. We had been city hopping further and further from the capital and we hadn’t been as aware as we probably should have been. We ended up in the wrong part of the city and apparently someone’s territory. It didn’t take them long to find us and realize we weren’t from around here. We were approached by a girl with long brown hair and literal puppy eyes. She introduced herself as Sana and thought we would do well in their crew. We accepted and she introduced us to the crew. Well one half of the crew.

They called themselves Twice. There was two leaders both in separate sectors of the city. My crew consisted of Siyeon, Sana, Momo, Jeongyeon, and Nayeon. We took orders from Nayeon and Nayeon only. The other leader Jihyo was in the other sector and I wasn’t to worry what would happen with her. Nayeon trained us hard. We became stronger mentally and physically. Eventually we were to pass a test. It had everything. Obstacle course, ploy guards, weapons, all of the above. Our mission was to take down the guard without being caught by the other guards and we had managed to pass the test successfully. Nayeon rewarded us and officially welcomed us to the Twice crew. We were to get code names as we ran the risk of being known by name. From then on I was to be called Xany and Siyeon was to be known as Silo. The six of us made a great team and we worked well together. Too bad communication didn’t reach to the other half of Twice very well.

---

Jihyo had been checking the guards schedule and making sure the leaders were still in the capital when she got the call. She stared at the cell phone seeing a familiar number flash across the screen, but you could never be too careful. Her voice was hard as she picked up the call.

“Who is this?” Sternness oozed from her tone.

“Jihyo come on you know me.”

The girl scoffed. “State your name.”

She didn’t have to see her old friend to know he had rolled his eyes in annoyance. “CB97.”

“Well, well. What do I owe the pleasure to for the Bang Chan to be calling me of all people?”

“Very funny Jihyo. Look we got a problem on our hands.”

Jihyo sat up ready to hear it. “Lay it on me.”

“You know how two weeks ago my fiance disappeared?” You could hear the anger in his voice as he said that. There would definitely be hell to pay.

“Yeah we’ve been looking and so far nothing.” Jihyo typed on her computer and found nothing relating to Cheyanne.

“Well it isn’t about her this time.”

“What do you mean?” Jihyo questioned skeptical.

“Hyunjin and Minho’s girlfriends are missing.”

Jihyo felt her blood run cold. “How long ago and their names.” She was ready to type.

“It’s been three days since they’ve been M.I.A. Aera and Siyeon.” Chan sounded frustrated.

“I don’t have anything on them Chan. They’ve been off the government’s radar for more than a few days. You’re sure they haven’t been missing longer?”

“No. Hyunjin talked to her four days ago. He went to see her and she was gone. Without a trace.”

“Interesting. I’ll keep a lookout for you.”

“Thanks Jihyo. Were still a go in a month right?”

“Correct. Nine am sharp we will be there. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long.”

“It’s long overdue, but planning the destruction of a corrupt government takes time. You got Nayeon in the loop?”

“Sure do.” Jihyo sent a confirmation text to Nayeon just to make sure. “We’re a go. Cheers to overthrowing a government Chan. See you soon.”

“See you soon Jihyo.”

Jihyo sighed staring at the pictures of the two newly missing skz girlfriends to add to the list. She would be sure to keep a lookout for them.

---

Aera’s log

It was go time. Nayeon had been preparing us for this for about a month and I’ve never trained harder for anything in my life. I was ready to destroy a corrupt government once and for all. We had taken the train to the capital successfully. It was nine am exactly when we began our attack. The rebellion swarmed the leaders capturing them one at a time. I shot forward tackling one of the leaders and pinning him to the ground. I grinned fueled by adrenaline as I tackled the nearest guard to my left. I threw punches left and right until I was sure he wasn’t gonna wake up any time soon. I wasn’t about to murder somebody. Leave that to someone else to deal with. As I continued to take down guards I failed to realize the familiar faces in the crowd watching with disbelief.

---

Jihyo smirked in satisfaction as she watched the rebels take down guards. She saw her team as well as Nayeon’s detain guards and then she saw someone she’s never seen before. She elbowed Jeongyeon and pointed at the new girl.

“Who’s that?” Jihyo whispered.

“Oh meet our newest recruits. Xany and Silo.” Jeongyeon grinned like a proud mom.

“Wait recruits? As in PLURAL?!”

“Uh huh. They are awesome you’ll love them.” Jeongyeon ran off narrowly dodging Seungmin.

Seungmin turned in the direction Jihyo was staring in and his eyes widened. “Aera?!”

---

I sprinted at another guard and letting all my anger out on him. Once I was sure he wasn’t getting back up I spun around and shot a paralyzing dart into another one’s thigh smirking. I ran across the now battlefield rushing to Siyeon’s aid. As I sprinted I narrowly missed a familiar boy, but no time to waste on trying to recognize him let alone have a second look. Once Sana wasn’t in immediate danger, I met up with Siyeon.

“Are you ready to infiltrate that building and save our babies?” Siyeon panted as we ran to the building.

“They are gonna pay. Kira and Araya better not have one single scratch on them or I swear to god somebody isn’t leaving this place alive.” I hissed.

We never made it to the building though. Momo had intercepted us telling us they weren’t there.

“What do you MEAN nobody is there?!” Siyoen screeched in disbelief.

“I mean what I said. Nobody is there I checked!”

That couldn’t be. They were supposed to be there and yet they weren’t. It didn’t make sense. I felt dizzy with confusion, but my train of thought was interrupted by a very familiar voice full of disbelief.

“Aera?!”