#headspace is fairly reconnected.

[euclydya]

everything gucci now 👍

[yuki-kazami]

For asking about your Doc OCs!

Which operators are they closest to? Are there any they'd like to befriend? And are there any operators they stay away from?

Mia is a pretty friendly face! She is poly, currently together with Blaze as well as Nearl and the Followers. Her and Nearl were already an item before her memory loss, but Nearl held back from closing the distance after things settled out of concern for her making choices for a potentially new Mia, so Mia and Blaze ended up getting close romantically first after the amnesia. Blaze could tell that there was some existing tension, though, and eventually (through some failgirl means that will be eventually extolled in a fanfic) helped bridge the gap so that Nearl could reconnect with her. In terms of friends she'd like to make, she wants to help bridge the social gap with Gladiia and Skadi to the rest of the Rhodes operators, but she doesn't always have the most success. Skadi seems to appreciate the attempts, but Gladiia and her just see the world very differently, and it's hard for them to see eye to eye.

Mia is bad about getting in her own head about the people that are killed by her command, so even though she has a bit less of a personally fraught relationship with people like W, due to differences in how things were handled in the Babel era, she has a hard time dealing with operators who get really into that sort of headspace.

As for Medusa, she tends to get along with the more long-sighted. So people like Misery, Kal'tsit, Gladiia. She has her own long history on Terra that I'm sure I'll get into as I explain her lore more! She also has a surprisingly strong camaraderie with people like Hoshi and Blaze who train a lot, because when she's on the landship, she gets a lot of her enrichment through weapons training with other Operators. She herself is no slouch in combat, though freshly out of the Sarcophagus, she was in no shape to fight, so she wasn't immediately just a combatant.

Due to her situation and the amount of people she's seen come and go in her life, she doesn't really tend to actively seek out friendships, so there isn't anyone she's out to befriend, but she's generally fairly open.

[sollucets]

Could you maybe imagine writing something little about an insecure/jealous aye. Not in this possessive kinda way but just scared to lose akk, feeling not good enough, not worthy. Maybe akk reconnected with mes? And aye is already in a bad headspace and gets anxious, afraid of being too much or something? If that prompt sucks I totally understand! It's also not from the touch prompt list. But I really love your writing and how you handle the characters, our babies

hi nonnies; i have grouped you all together because there is something of a common theme going on here and to Explain Myself lmao

first off, i'd like to rec a fic that i'm fairly certain is a prompt fill to a prompt just like these, don't wanna get burned by dekkaisdefyinggravity | @/paalove on here because i think it answers these more accurately than i'm about to

second, aye dealing with jealousy issues about mes specifically is, notably, a plot point in on our way up (it's mostly just been foreshadowed so far, but exists a lot in as-of-yet upcoming chapter 9 to be specific. i do have an outline i swear)

so when i was getting these i was trying to think of what thing aye would be insecure about the most, and also how i think he’d respond to that. basically, i’m of the opinion that aye would respond to suspecting that akk isn’t telling him about something by doing it More, actually, until akk has to admit it. he loves making akk admit things its like his #1 pastime. and as for what he’d worry about, i know that nonny #3 wanted specifically about physical touch, but i'd already started at that point (sorry!) and os2 provides bounty on this front with him going 'don't you miss me at all' in that deleted text scene, so that's where i went with 'aye insecurity' as a prompt and then it got. Soooooo out of hand lmao. so i hope you'll forgive me for not answering these individually because it's. so long

in any case, here you are :')

[bamboo72498]

For the Ship Ask Game

3, 9, 14, 19, 22, 27, 32, 38, 43, 47, 50!

Take your pick of pairings - wherever your muse is or needs to be :)

Thanks, buddy! So, I've been in an Austin &Christine headspace lately, so that's who you're getting. Some of these have been asked in a previous q&a about them, so that is linked here. With that out of the way, let's go!

3. what was their first impression of each other?

Their first meeting will be shown in an upcoming chapter, so get excite! But for now, let's just say he was enamored by both her beauty and her mind; her sense of humor and sarcasm. And she loved his kindness and also his humor; how easily they bantered and talked.

9. What do they dislike most about each other? Why?

Austin hates her timidness in new or stressful situations; how she tends to back down or let others talk for her in times of stress. He also hates her constant need to maintain the appearance of being perfect in front of her mother. Christine trying to impress her mother is the start of many arguments between them. Christine hates his need to always fix her problems or make her feel better. How he always has to find solutions and he can't just let her vent or sit in her feelings for a bit. She hates the way he thinks he knows how she thinks or what she wants and doesn't even talk to her or ask her.

14. Do they Enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

This one was already answered! See the linked post. =)

19. Do they wear each other's clothes or jewelry?

Actually, that's how they first met! No spoilers, but it's because of a jacket Austin thinks he loses. Oh, I'm so excited for you to read it! But, other than that: yes. She steals his clothes all the time. And he commandeers a ring of hers that he either wears on a chain or on his finger. He keeps it even after they break up and starts wearing it again after they reconnect.

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other or being silly?

This one was already answered! But, yes: they are very playful and silly. It's the whole crux of their relationship.

27. How do they say 'I love you' nonverbally?

This one was already answered too!

32. Do either of them drink? If so, who is the lightweight and how does their partner care for them?

So, they do both drink and can both handle their liquor fairly well, but Austin tends to get migraines if he drinks too much, so he tries to be careful because he doesn't want to be miserable for them next two days.

38. Who's got a quicker temper? Christine Emily. She's can get angered quite quickly, especially if she's being missheard or not listened too. It probably stems from her childhood being controlled by her mother and she should talk to someone about it.

43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

Christine would pick for Austin a dark, fitted suit, a fun patterned dress shirt, and nice dress shoes. She loves when he dresses up before games and thinks he looks absolutely stunning (and sexy) in dress clothes. Austin would pick for Chris a cute sundress or a tank top and shorts. and some strappy sandals. He loves her soft, casual style and effortlessly beautiful she looks in simple clothes, and how she thrives in the summer.

47. Do they sleep beside each other? Why or why not?

For the most part, yes they do. It's hard when Christine goes to away games, but they make it work. And then, of course, when they start having kids there is almost always one in bed with them. But, yes they do.

50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better?

So, funny story (spoilers if you haven't read it yet), they do break up. Their sophomore year of college, after trying to do long-distance, they break up when Christine gets scared and balks and breaks it off. She gets so in her head about them and how they were going to keep making it work. It's all rooted in her fear, and she thinks ending it will make her feel better, but it doesn't and she still thinks about him years later. He handles it a bit better. Obviously, he's crushed, but he understands and lets her go (reluctantly). And when they reconnect, he does his best to help her see he's always been her person and that they are going to be okay.

[manycoloureddays]

🥺🛒🎶🧐🎃👀 for the fic ask game!!

emily!!! hi!!! thank you 🥰

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

hugs!! there's so much you can convey about character dynamics, relationships, and emotions through a hug, and i love watching them just as much as i love writing them! i love using them platonically, i love using them romantically, two of my favourite fics to write have featured many, many, hugs. it's a way to slow down movement and plot too, spend a little time reconnecting to the pov character's train of thought.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

i love to read and write romance, but the core of most of my fics (and my work in general) is finding love in community. i love found family, i love friendship, love as a choice and an action and a force for healing is so important to me narratively. hugs are one way of showing that, but i'll also usually incorporate a cooking/eating scene because cooking as a love language and family coming together to eat and talk and connect are big parts of my life that i like to sprinkle into my stories. hand holding, finding love in even the darkest times, finding solace and help and strength in your community, all of them show up regularly too.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i can't listen to music while i write because i get too distracted, i work much better with ambient noise. but i do have lots of writing playlists that i'll listen to when i'm walking my dogs, cleaning up, and generally getting ready to write, so that i'm in the right headspace once i get there. at the moment i've been listening to my nancy & robin playlists quite a bit, partly because they're two of my favourites and partly because i'm gearing up for some ronance scenes!

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

it depends on the story! sometimes i get sucked down a rabbit hole researching weaponry for a fantasy au or the layout of a city i've never been to for a fic that needs to feel particularly grounded, other time i only google things like "when did [movie/song/book] come out?" or "what time does the sun set in july in [insert place here]?" to make sure i'm not totally off base!

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

i'm such a slow writer that if i try to write a spooky fic for halloween, i'd end up posting it in january!! i'm trying to think if i've ever actually finished one for the holiday itself and...... i don't think i have. but i do love to read them! i return to these two fics every christmas: pining for you - the librarina and as long as we have we - lady_ragnell

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

you've heard bits and pieces about a lot of my wips, so i'll try and give you something you haven't heard yet! in the next chapter of my fix it fic, we're finally at the end of spring break and the kids, nancy, robin and eddie all have to go back to school (which will be interesting for certain individuals who have become incredibly codependent in recent chapters. anyway, it's nancy pov and it's a sinclair wheeler carpool situation, with nancy dropping erica off at the middle school when she sees some of the basketball team hanging around attempting something like menacing. erica puts on a brave face, but nancy can tell something is up and even though the sinclair's haven't given a full rundown of the events at the creel house, nancy isn't stupid, she can take a fairly educated guess. needless to say, the basketball team learns just how scary nancy wheeler can be. and once the fix it fic is finally finished, i'll be able to dedicate more time to finishing the fic where steve dies (temporarily) which will be fun and devastating!!

[cantuscorvi]

♻️♦️☂️⚓☀️

Sweet munday meme ( mfw it's wednesday now but shhh )

♻ Any advice on improving Tumblr RP experience?

Engage with your mutuals as often as you can IC or OOC and you will unlock lots of fun dynamics and have a good time.

Don't be afraid to curate your engagement circle as you see fit.

Try not to stress or feel guilty. This is supposed to be fun!

Take your time. Do things whatever way you like, and try not to worry how other people think of you. It's your blog, your life, etc.

♦ How has roleplaying on Tumblr improved since you started out?

Oh boy. Has it really improved? Idk. I started out here in like 2011 maybe, and I bounced around a bunch of different communities. I feel like it's not that different, but maybe the tumblr demographic has aged up a little since then, so people are a bit more mature. I think people tend more towards para than they did in the past, which is good for me bc I never know when to stop writing lmao. Acessibility is a bit better now, pinned post feature is awesome. IMs are bad but at least they are better than the fanmail feature. Almost everyone has a rules/about and fairly clear theme. Back in the day it was wild west of pages and themes and autoplay and all sorts of garbage to try and figure out what people's blogs were about lmao

☂ What’s your best RP experience?

This is such a tough question to answer, especially since I've had this blog for so long, and previous muses before that. I don't think there is one best experience, but really... I took a long break from this for a few years, and I only came back a few months ago. I was so afraid that I wouldn't fit in anymore. But the feeling of returning has been so good, like much better than I felt even back in the day. Being able to reconnect with you, and other previous partners, as well as make new ones has been awesome, and just being able to write this heathen again is far too much fun.

⚓ Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

Isn't it so good when we get to incorporate each other's headcanons in the thread? Even if it's just random details of stuff the muse likes, hobbies they do, turns of phrase they use, etc. Like this is especially fun in asks responses/drabbles where sometimes we control each other's character a little, maybe for a few lines of dialogue, or thinking how they would react to a situation. I get such a kick out of it when I see other people write Raum in different ways, and getting into the headspace of my partner's character is really interesting.

☀ What’s the best thing about roleplaying?

The best part for me is when I can feel that our muses are clicking, when they start to affect each other and cause change. It's one of the coolest things about rp imo. Also when you've made a really juicy plot with your partner and you're both hanging on the edge of the seat, starving for the replies. It's so good.

[babysizedfics]

Things have changed a lot since I was last here. Vee is going by new pronouns? Nana Janus is here? I've missed a lot -

oh yeah if u werent around for nana janus then you definitey have missed a lot sorry !!

uh lemme think of a recap

vee presents as much more feminine, she doesn't identify with any gender identity at the moment and i dont plan on it, shes just vee. but yeah, mostly she/her pronouns and now the neopronouns which are brand new as of last night. she also goes to therapy with dr picani, is aroace, and has a future gueerplatonic partner called michael ! he comes up fairly often in concepts as both vees best friend and qpp and theyre pretty fluffy so if u want the michael concepts are linked in the most recent concept mastwrpost - plus maybe the fourth one too

roman has a longterm boyfriend called jamal, he has reconnected eith his best friend seraphina, and remy helped him realise that he neglected his adult life and he is trying to balance out his adult and little headspaces more. he also now has a middlespace where he acts like a moody teenager. he and patton have reconnected as adult friends outside of his littlespace too which has been really good for their relationship, roman doesnt feel as babied by his dad anymore

patton attends therapy with vee - at first to help her bc she was initially mute around dr picani - but now he sits in the waiting room. and soon he will be offered his own therapy sessions once a week - one week with bith him and vee as a form of family therapy, and one week with just him on his own. dr picani is going to help him get through his own separation anxiety from vee and also help him to live for himself

not much has happened with logan actually. hes just vibing.

nana janus is very present (mostly on the ic blog and in concepts but he isnt there in the canon timeine yet, not until i write the nana janus multip chap) and he goes to a local knitting group and has elderly friends, he visits the familys house about once or twice a week at this point in the timeline and has been around the littles when theyre little

remus is present now (again not in the canon timeline or the ic blog yet but in concepts that i write) and hes not the kindest person to roman, but hes mostly not trying to be cruel hes just teasing roman as a form of affection but roman doesnt vibe with that

the best place to see all these changes is in the concept masterposts !

[writingwithadinosaur]

“90″ - Oneshot

“90” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

My Tag List - Here

Plantonic!Gil Arroyo x Reader

(Mentioned) Sibling!Malcolm Bright x Sibling!Reader

Word Count: 2,145

Key: Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color Chunks or lines of text that are in italics means that it's (Y/N)’s thoughts.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of murder, mentions of trauma (Whitly)

Summary: While out on a lunch break with your boss, you find out that your brother is back in town. Unsure of what to do, Gil tries to give some advice. 

Author’s Note: So I had an idea while at work because I find myself thinking a lot about crime shows at work. The line that Gil says “Should have said 90. 100 I know you’re lying” really stuck with me for some reason. So I thought, what if he was told that by Malcolm’s sister, only to use it on him later? And boom, here we are.

It’s not my best, but I thought it was a cute oneshot ramble thing. 

This takes place right before season 1 episode 1. 

This was not beta-read, so please let me know if there are any errors! 

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to your father messing your family up from a young age, abnormal and criminal psychology seemed to be a “natural” path for you and your brother to end up going down. Words cannot describe the negative effect that Dr. Martin Whitly had and continues to have on your life. Growing up and really realizing the awful things he did to those women, your brother, and you made you see the world for what it truly is: Chaotic, painful, and full of surprises (both good and bad.) You saw that there were more monsters like him out there and you wanted to figure out who and where they were. 

While Malcolm went on to change his last name and run off to Quantico to try to help catch more of these deranged killers, you changed your last name and stayed closer to home. If there was one monster living in your own home, they really could be anywhere. 

Gil Arroyo was the officer that caught your father and helped make sure that your family was alright after The Surgeon was put away in Claremont Psychiatric. He helped you and Malcolm bond and grow as much as you could. While you did drift away from the rest of your family, you kept in contact with Malcolm and Gil.

As soon as you graduated college and walked into his office asking to be on his team, Gil knew he had to say yes. Not only to make sure you were safe, but also because he knew you had the ability to help get into a mindset that could help the team solve some of these trickier cases. 

Which leads to today, a normal lunch break. 

You and Gil went to a sub shop not too far from the station and got your usuals from Mr.Santos. While waiting, Gil was slightly shifting his feet, slightly visibly unsettled by something on his mind. You made your way to a table off to the side of the room and motioned for him to sit across from you.

“Go on and tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Whatever's got your headspace all worked up.” Gil looked down and sighed out a slight laugh.

“What gave it away this time?”

“Do you really want to know?” Gil shrugged his shoulders and leaned back, trying to feign being comfortable even though he knew he was going to have to speak his mind sooner or later. You leaned forward, elbows on the table, slightly squinting your eyes, preparing for the rare chance to put the Gil Arroyo in his place.

“Well, for one, you haven’t been able to make eye contact or even look at me since we left the station. You’ve also had your arms crossed more than usual, which could be an attempt to make a physical barrier to whatever is creeping its way out of your mental barriers. Your jaw has been clenched for at least the last fifteen minutes, which means you’re at least slightly stressed about something. Do you want me to keep ripping you a new one, or do you want to just tell me what’s going on?”

Gil looked down to see that his arms were indeed crossed over his chest, he let out another sighed laugh, shook his head slightly, and dropped his arms. He took a deep breath.

“Malcolm is coming home.” Gill didn’t look up until after he spoke, trying to gauge your reaction. 

When Malcolm applied for Quantico, you were happy for him. That same day, you found out that he had been meeting with Dr.Whitly. You had made a choice to try to stay as distant from his as possible, and yet, Malcolm was visiting as if he wasn’t locked in there for murder. You didn’t even hear him out, you couldn’t fathom the idea of anyone wanting to visit that creature.

 It drove a spike between your relationship with your brother. You knew that you two would mend it and make up eventually. But you didn’t expect to have to talk to him so soon. 

One of the downsides to growing up like how you did and knowing so much about psychology now, you knew how to hide your emotions fairly well. Some would call it a blessing, especially working with the NYPD as a psychological analyst assistant. But right now, Gil hated it. 

“(Y/N)? You still with me?” Gil tapped your hand to try to get you to focus on the real conversation as opposed to your inner monologue. You shook your head and tried to put on a small smile.

“Yeah. I’m here. I’m fine.”

“Now I know that’s a lie.” 

“Oh really? And how do you know that?”

“Your real smile reaches your eyes. This one,” Gil pointed to your face, “is as fake as Pamela Anderson’s boobs.” A small chuckle left you at his choice of comparison. Gil now matched you and leaned on his elbows on the table. “Talk to me, kiddo. What’s going on in that big ole brain of yours?”

Leaning back, you started to play with your fingers as you tried to settle on a single question out of the handful that were swimming around your mind to ask right now.

“Do you know why he’s coming back?”

“From what I know, he got fired. Assaulted an officer.” 

“Must have deserved it.”

“Which one? Him or the officer”

“Honestly, either one.” Gil slightly chuckled, knowing your brother as long as he has, he could definitely see the punch landing either way.

“Well, I don’t know. But... you can ask him that yourself.” You raised a questioning brow at Gil as he paused, trying to choose his phrasing. “I think it would be good for you two to talk. Go get coffee, take a walk, something.”

“Really? You think it would be a good idea to reopen that broken door labeled ‘Warning! Malcolm Bright! Do not open?’”

“100%” Gil tried to smile, but similar to how he pointed out on you moments ago, his smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

Mr.Santos came to your table with your sandwiches wrapped up and some chips. The two of you thanked him before getting ready to head back to the station to eat. As you got back out to the sidewalk and fell in step with him, you spoke about the case that you were both working now. It wasn’t until you got back to the station that you spoke on what was bothering you.

“You should know better than to lie to me, Gil.”

“And what am I being accused of lying about now?” He couldn’t help but sound a bit annoyed as he opened the door to the conference room where you had all of your notes and evidence board set up. The two of you setting up lunch as you continue.

“When you were saying that it would be good for me to try to meet up with Malcolm, I asked if you were sure, and you said ‘100%.’” 

“And?” Gil asked, mouth half full of chips. 

“You should have said 90.” Gil looked at you, waiting to hear your reasoning. “100 I know you’re lying.” 

“You know I’m lying by me saying 100%?”

“There are very few things that we can say we know with 100% certainty. You of all people question the certainty of things. And with the subject being Malcolm, then there is no knowing how us trying to reconnect could go. And you know that. So--” 

“I just think that you could help him out.” Gil interrupted, not wanting to hear your whole dissertation on probability and chance. 

“So could you. You’re basically a father figure to us, albeit thanks to unfortunate circumstances.” 

“Yeah, but he knows that I usually bring cases, not social visits.” A slight sigh exhaled through your nose, knowing that he was at least partially right. “And I know damn well that he would like to see his sister.” Gil pointed his sandwich at you before taking a bite.

“That's the great thing about him having two sisters though. He can go talk to Ainsley. Although, I know she is like mother in the way that they are dreadfully draining to talk to.” Gil put his sandwich down, looking down at the table and taking another deep breath. “There’s more you’re not telling me.”

The only response you got from him was a hand pointing towards the evidence board. You looked at the board, trying to see if he was pointing to something specific. When you couldn’t make anything out, you looked back to meet Gil with a questioning look.

“I think having two profiler brains on this killer could be helpful.” You took a deep breath in through your nose as you leaned back in your chair, looking up at the ceiling slightly, everything clicking into place. 

“I see. You want us to make up so we’ll play nice when you eventually wave a case file in his face and drag him to the next crime scene.” You looked at Gil and saw him holding his hands out getting slightly defensive. 

“That’s not the only reason. I know you two are some of the best profilers in New York. You are also the only ones that can truly understand and help each other thanks to your... life experiences. So in order to try to help catch bad guys like how we want to, and help you two finally get the relationship back to where you want to, yes, I want you to make up and play nice.” 

You knew he was right and that this would be a smart move. You reach for your drink and take a sip. Your lack of response let Gil know that he had “won.”

“Plus, he feels bad for how things left off before he moved.”

The next few minutes were silent as the two of you finished your lunches. Gil got up to throw away your wrappers and such. As you thanked him, you turned to the evidence board and sipped on the last of your drink.

You tried to find more correlations or similarities between these victims, but you kept thinking of the same ones you already had written down. As much as you loved your team, they weren’t trained much when it comes to the thoughts and motives of a killer. 

You haven’t been able to have a psychologically focused and interesting conversation with anyone since Malcolm left for Quantico. He was always one of a select few that didn’t completely drain your social battery and understood how far to push you to challenge you without causing any damage. Malcolm understood your humor, your ups and downs, and how to really help you. And you understood the same thing for him.

You missed that. 

Maybe a mind like his would be refreshing and helpful nowadays.  

JT knocked on the door’s threshold before poking his head in, phone in hand. You swiveled your chair around, knowing what he was going to say.

“Uni’s called in from east side of 42nd. Something weird. All I could make out was ‘blood paint’ and ‘skin mural’ before they begged for backup.”

“Sounds like something right up your alley, (Y/N).” Gil turned to you. You nodded and started to stand up, gathering the last of your trash and tossing it in the can. 

You stopped before leaving the room. Looking down at the piles of case notes along the table, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty about not finding this guy yet. All of these victims with no answers yet. Gil noticed and put a hand on your shoulder. Before he could say anything, you spoke.

“I’ll try and reach out to him. I can’t let this guy walk around doing this shit again and again. I need a brain like Malcolm’s to jump off of.” Gil just squeezed your shoulder before moving his hand gently to the scruff of your neck, ushering you towards the door so you could get to the crime scene. “I’ll see if he wants to go to that nice place off 16th. But I can’t promise anything.”

You stopped again before getting into the front seat of Gil’s car. Looking at him over the roof, you were a bit nervous now about meeting up with your brother. 

“Are you sure he actually wants to try to make up?”

Gil nodded his head side to side with a slight frown, as if he was weighing options in his head. 

“I would say 85, maybe 90%.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Hey! I’m learning this all from you! I’ll have to use that line next time someone says 100.” 

Gil smiled as he leaned down into the driver's seat, you followed and soon you were on your way to catch another monster. 

~~~~~~

Tag List - @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @sj-thefan @malindacath @shadowfoxey

[theaetherwitch]

Centering, Grounding, and Shielding

- From my Grimoire

A Preface

Something that I don’t think enough people cover when it comes to The Craft, is how to keep yourself protected when doing spells and rituals, or communicating with spirits. This is a very basic aspect of witchcraft, so I’d like to take a moment to go in depth on the topic to make sure that as many people as possible, can find something that will work for them! Of course though, there will be some methods that I either don’t have experience with or may have simply forgot to mention. Find what works best for you and your practice, and look at some other articles or books as well!

Centering

First off, what is centering? This is basically you preparing yourself and getting in the mindset of doing a spell/ritual. This is taking a moment to yourself to make sure you’re intentions are in the right place, and everything is set up and ready to go. Centering isn’t too difficult to do, so there’s honestly not too much to say on the topic.

Method I like to begin centering with meditation. Relax yourself and get into the “witch headspace”, if you will. Cleanse yourself, and maybe even take a shower or a bath. Next thing is to gather your thoughts, write some questions down on a piece of paper or on your computer and answer them. Things like “What is my motivation?” “What outcome do I want” “How do I want to do this?” If you really take a moment to understand what you’re doing and where your heart lies, your spell will be at it’s most effective.

Grounding

Grounding is an important thing to do after any spell you perform. While it doesn’t necessarily hurt to do before a spell, it can limit your meta-physical performance. Grounding is connecting you back to the earth and bringing you back to your physical body, getting your head out of the clouds if you will, and sometimes when performing a spell that’s where you want your head to be. If you’re working with any earth based magick though, this can greatly help, so just figure out what works best for the kind of spell you’re doing.

Methods

Roots - This is my covens favorite method to ground. This is basically where you have a meditative moment, plant your feet on the ground, and “sink your roots in”. First thing you wanna do is get in some kind of contact with the ground or floor, just anything that is a solid foundation. Plant your hands or feet flat and start by breathing deeply. You wanna really take in the energy from the earth, pay attention to all of your surroundings and take in the moment. Next close your eyes and start focusing your energy at your hands or feet. (You may feel your hands start to tingle or even go mildly numb) Lastly, release that energy and push it into the earth. Let it soak in deep, and if visualization helps, imagine your roots growing down.

Going outside is another very good method to reconnect with the Earth. If at all possible, I like to go outside barefoot and feel the grass on my feet. Really connect to the earth, take in your surroundings and walk around as much as you feel comfortable.

A Dump Stone - Just about any stone will work, but generally stone that come from bodies of water, have holes, or are green or black tend to work the best. Basically just hold the stone in your hand and let any and all negative energy flow out from you into the stone. Stones can handle quite a bit of negative energy so don’t be afraid to let it all come out. After you’re done though, you’re immediately going to want to cleanse your crystal with whichever method works best for you. I prefer to let mine sit in salt overnight, or until the feel done.

Drinking a cold glass of water, splashing cold water on your face, or even taking a really quick cold shower is also a really good way to ground yourself. It’s all about being present in your body, and nothing can bring you back into the now like some cold water can.

Shielding and Wards

Shielding yourself is important when it comes to any kind of magick, because there truly are negative entities and energies out there that like to take advantage of people. It’s a sad truth, but this is why we learn to protect ourselves spiritually. Putting up a shield or ward isn’t difficult, and sometimes you do it without even realizing!

Shielding Methods

Visualization - This is my favorite method to teach beginners because it doesn’t require any tools just you, and yourself. The begin, start by getting into a calm relaxed state, maybe even meditate before hand. Next, imagine a ring of light around yourself starting at your feet. This light can look like anything, be any color, and be any shape so the only limit is your imagination. Once you have the ring of light, imagine it slowly coming up around your body, let it fill your heart with warmth and let it remind you that you are safe spiritually and no negative entity can harm you. Once it has made a complete bubble around yourself, say some affirmations and remind yourself that you’re strong and can handle anything. The more you believe in yourself, then the stronger this shield will become. 

Smoky Quartz or any other black stone, when kept on the person or placed at the feet can create a ward as well. For those less imaginative, this is a very good alternative because you have the crystal to support you as well. 

Magick Circle - There are many ways to open a magick circle, but heres a really simple method. Hold one of your hands out, palm up and focus your energy in your hand. (You may get that warm, tingly, or numb feeling, if not though thats okay!) Really let it bubble up into your fingertips, and once there, point a finger out and draw a circle around yourself and say some simple affirmations of safety and peace. Just like the visualization method, this works best the more you have faith and believe in yourself. 

Simply stating that you are, or feel safe is another way to shield yourself spiritually. You remember how when you were little and alone in your room at night and you thought you heard something scary? You covered your head up with a blanket right? Do you remember how safe you felt after doing that, like how nothing could get you? That was quite literally you putting up a shield. Remember your intentions and feelings are the most important thing in magick, always keep that in mind!

Warding Methods Wards are another variation of shields, but these are things you put on the physical plane rather than a spiritual one. 

Runes/Sigils - A really good way to set up a ward is to carve or draw some runes either into the side of a doorframe, a candle, or even on a piece of paper to burn later! If you’re going to carve them into wood or draw them, charge the tool you’re going to be doing it with. If your going to use a candle, burn the candle whenever you feel like you need it most! And as for burning paper, keep the ashed around and maybe even sprinkle them into every corner of the room.

Salt - Put lines of salt on the top of your door and window frames, and sprinkle some in every corner of the room.

Stones - Certain stones are said to be warning stones and will break if danger is near by. Malachite is one of these stones, and is fairly easy to get your hands on. Place this stone above door and window frames as well. 

Holy/Blessed Water - A drop placed in every corner of the room creates a barrier around the room.

Brooms/Staffs - Place in the corners of rooms, and said to fall over if danger is near by.

Black Candles - Burning a black candle is said to bring protection and keep a room hidden from spirits. 

[spunky-89]

Love is All We Have

A/N: Here is the next part of the Domestic(ish) Life series. I’ll be honest, this one is really just self-fulfillment. I am so sorry. I’ve been really fed up with my family lately so it kind of came out in my writing. This is a biggen though, to make up for my lack of updates. 

Word Count: 4122

Series Masterlist

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“Sweetheart, you know you gotta tell ‘em,” Steve said gently, trying desperately to placate the woman who was currently switching from mass hysteria to anger then back again. 

“Steve you don’t understand! My family is so fucked up and judgmental and I know what’s gonna happen and I’ve been dreading it since we first put a label on this and I- oh god I think I’m gonna be sick.” (Y/N) said as she went from pacing to squatting on the floor breathing heavily. 

Steve jumped up from the couch and over to her immediately. There were tears streaming down her face, which was ghostly white. He quickly helped her up and got her to the bathroom just as she started to vomit. He held her hair back as he rubbed her back. He tried his best to murmur soothing words as she emptied the contents of her stomach. He was able to grab a washcloth and wet it with one hand as he did his best to support (Y/N). Once she was done, she pulled back from the toilet a bit. Steve took care of flushing the toilet and wiping her face. 

“I can’t Steve, I can’t lose anyone.” (Y/N) mumbled.

“Okay, it’s okay. Shhhh, we’ll talk about it later okay. Just calm down, let your body rest.” He said soothingly. She nodded and let Steve pick her up and take her to bed. 

--------------

When Bucky returned from some avengers stuff about half an hour later, he was faced with a sticky note on the door that said to be quiet. He cautiously and silently opened the door, wondering what was happening. He came into the apartment where he could see Steve with his head in his hands, sitting on the couch. The door to your bedroom was closed, which made him curious.

“Steve…?” Bucky quietly called out as he dropped his stuff on the entryway table.

Steve startled and looked over at Bucky. 

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Steve spoke softly and serenely, his eyes portraying a different set of emotions, however. 

Bucky scoffed and said, “Obviously, if you say be quiet when coming in, I’m gonna be quiet.”

“No that’s not- right. Thanks.” Steve said, his words as jumbled as his headspace seemed to be. 

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong, and why I had to be quiet coming in?” Bucky asked taking a seat next to Steve, grabbing his hand.

“Oh uh, (Y/N) finally fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake her. She’s been… in a bit of a bad state.” Steve said vaguely.

“What do you mean by ‘a bad state’?” Bucky asked, his mind spinning a hundred and one theories on what could be wrong with you and who he would kill if someone had hurt you.

“Well uh, her grandmother called. Her whole family is coming up to New York for a vacation.” Steve said.

“Oookay,”

“She still hasn’t told her family about our relationship,” Steve stated.

“Oh,” Bucky knew this. You’d been so worried about telling the Avengers about your relationship, he couldn’t imagine what you were doing to yourself when you were contemplating telling your family.

“Yeah. She worked herself up so much she threw up twice before she finally fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. How do we help her?” Steve asked, his eyes glistening with helplessness.

“We be there for her,” Bucky said firmly.

“Yeah, but if we can’t?” Steve asked. When Bucky shot him a questioning glance he elaborated. “She doesn’t want to tell them, Buck, so that means we can’t be there for her if her family has no clue we exist.” 

“Her family knows we exist. We’ve both met her mother on skype, for granted as friends and not lovers, but that’s beside the point. We met for dinner with her sister and brother-in-law. They know we exist. And if we go with her to see them as just friends then so be it. Even if she only wants one of us there. We will support her. No matter what.” 

Steve nodded and they sat in silence for a while longer. Eventually, the bedroom door cracked open and you wandered out looking worse for wear.

------------

Your head was pounding, your throat hurt, and your stomach was cramping from too much throwing up. All in all, you felt like shit. You looked at the time and saw that Bucky should have been home so you slowly got up and headed towards the door, opening it just a crack. The brightness of the living area was a stark contrast to the darkness of the bedroom you were exiting. The boys both looked up from where they were cuddled together on the couch.

Bucky extends an arm toward you and you amble your way over and plop on their laps. 

“How’re ya feelin’ doll?” Bucky asked as he wrapped you in his arms.

“A bit better, still off though.”

“That’s to be expected after everything,” Steve said with a gentle smile. 

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you.” You spoke quietly.

“Don’t worry about it.” He dismissed, the smile still on his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bucky asked.

“Buck!” Steve exclaimed.

“What?” 

“She just woke up after having a breakdown over this and you chose to ask her now.” Steve lectured.

“It’s okay Stevie, he’s just worried. And I get that.” You said, placing a hand on his arm.

“I just don’t want to push you.” 

“I know you don’t. But you also have a right to know why I’m freaking out.” You say avoiding looking them in the eye.

“I think we already put that together doll,” Bucky spoke softly.

“Wha-wha’d’ya mean?” 

“From what you’ve told us about your family, they seem like anything outside the so-called norm is not approved. And with as anxious you were about telling the Avengers, who are all pretty open-minded people, it was fairly easy to put two and two together.” Bucky explained.

“Oh,”

“Don’t worry sweetheart. We aren’t mad or anything. Whatever you choose to tell or not to tell your family is 100% your call. We will love and support you regardless. If you need more time, we understand completely.” Steve promised. Tears gathered and poured from your eyes. Their kindness and love for you amazed you. Your sniffle quickly gathered their attention and caused both of them to curl tighter around you.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. You’re alright. We got you.” 

“I’m okay, I just, I love you guys so much and I just-” You sniffle, not able to fully formulate a sentence that could get your feelings across effectively. 

“Shhh, we love you too sweetheart.”

“More than you know,” Bucky added.

----------------------------------

You took a deep breath as you walked into the airport. You were so excited to be seeing your family again. It had been almost 6 months since you’d seen your family in person. However, you knew the boys were waiting in the parking lot for you all. And you knew what was coming soon after that. Luckily your family had rented a spacious Airbnb for the week, so you weren’t going to be as cramped back at the townhouse just outside the city. But you were still terrified. After almost a week of fretting and turning your thoughts over, you decided you wanted to tell your family. Your boys meant too much to you to be kept a secret. You didn’t care if your family shunned you, hell, you were expecting it. But you knew your mom would still love you, as would your sister. And most importantly, you’d have the loves of your life to back you up.

As you saw people start to filter out of the terminal, you stood and looked for your large family. They weren’t hard to pick out. Between the tallness of some of your family members and how loud they were, it was an easy spot. The hard part was getting them to see you. Luckily you were smart enough to bring a tall and bright sign to draw their attention. You noticed your family heading in your direction so you sent a quick message to the boys to let them know your family was off the plane. There were some tears as your family reconnected. It was so wonderful to see them, you almost forgot the pit of anxiety in your stomach. 

After you helped them gather their luggage, you headed off toward the entrance. You sent a to the boys to have them come pick you up as you didn’t want your grandparents to have to walk all the way to the garage. You briefly explained that your friends had offered to drive you guys so you didn’t have to uber. They were more than happy to not have to pay for a ride, so there were no questions asked. The boys quickly hopped out to help load up. They had hats, glasses, and jackets on to try and keep from being spotted. Luckily, no one in the busy loading area was paying much attention to anyone but themselves. Your family, on the other hand, seemed very shocked at these two buff men helping out. Your mom gave you a knowing smile when she realized just who they were. The only people who knew of your friendship with the two super-soldiers were your mom, sister, and brother-in-law. When it came time to load into the cars you had a momentary panic at which boy you didn’t want to leave alone with your family. The boys came up to you, seeing your momentary panic as the rest of the family loaded in. 

“Don’t worry about us doll, we can handle ourselves,” Bucky promised.

“Yeah, but whoever I’m not with is going to be subjected to relentless questioning.” You whined.

Steve let out a laugh and Bucky chuckled with him.

“You go with Buck, I can handle your family. I promise.” Steve ushered. 

“You say that now,” You mumbled as you headed towards the car Bucky was driving.

-----------------

You hated driving in the City. You got car sick very easily, so the quick jolting of traffic was never any fun for you. Luckily, your grandma let you sit in the front so it would be a bit easier on you. Bucky apologized every time he had to hit the breaks and your family thought it was hilarious. He also kept sending you concerned looks. And this was just the first five minutes.

“So, you gonna introduce us? We kinda skipped that part in the rush.” Your cousin asked.

“Oh, yeah, right. So, everyone, this is my best friend Bucky, Buck, the fam.” You said, a false smile on your face. 

“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard lots about you.” Bucky said. His eyes flitted to the rearview to look at the occupants of the car. 

“Oh have you now?” Your grandma asked.

“Nanna, please don’t. Bucky was nice enough to lend a hand. Please don’t scare him off.” You begged turning to look at her. At the same moment, someone cut Bucky off causing him to slam on the breaks and mumble some curses in Russian. 

“Sorry doll.” He said.

You laughed as you turned back around. “Bucky stop apologizing. You sound like Steve.” You teased.

“Listen here-” 

“Ooooh, lovers quarrel.” Your cousin teased.

Both you and Bucky froze mid-sentence. You turned to glare at your cousin, icey fire in your eyes.

“Ooh shit, was I right?” He asked when he saw the glare leveled at him.

You took a deep breath and turned back to face the front of the car.

“You can drop him off on the next street corner and he can walk.” You said to Bucky, your voice sickly sweet, the venom dripping from every word.

Bucky laughed outright at that, which made you smile, he usually only laughed like that when it was just you, him, and Steve.

“Com’on Doll, if you kicked Steve or I out every time we pissed you off, we’d never be in your presence.”

“That’s not the point.” You pouted.

You could hear your family snickering in the back. You glanced over to Bucky to see him trying to contain a smile.

“Just drive asshole.”

------------------------------------

When you got to the house you felt sick to your stomach and totally done with Bucky. You got out of the car and went over to Steve. You hugged him and said, “You’re now my favorite.” You made sure it was loud enough for Bucky to hear.

You felt Steve’s chest rumble as he laughed.

“What’d you do?” Steve asked.

“Just stated the obvious. She hasn’t talked to any of us pretty much the whole ride.”

“How was the drive part though?” Steve asked you, pushing you away enough to look you in the eye.

“Not great, I currently feel like vomiting but hey, what else is new.” You shrugged.

“Well you head inside, we’ll help them unload,” Steve said.

“No no, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Bucky said.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m helping.” You said as you moved to grab a bag.

“(Y/F/N) do not make me make Steve use the voice.” Bucky threatened.

Your family stopped to watch the altercation.

“Steve would never.” You argued.

“What would I never?” Steve asked as he came out of the house.

“Make her go rest,” Bucky said.

“Ooooh, I see.” Steve then proceeded to give you ‘the eyebrows of disappointment’ as he said “(Y/N),”

“Steve, I’m fine. The faster we unpack, the faster I’ll sit down.” You countered. It must have been a sight for your family to see. Your comparatively tiny frame staring down these two brick houses. But you didn’t back down. Years of friendship prevented this. You’d had your fair share of disagreements with them, they didn’t scare you. And Steve’s ‘captain voice’ only worked occasionally. 

You didn’t break eye contact as you walked backwards towards one of the SUVs and grabbed a bag. Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as Bucky just glared. You smiled widely as you walked towards the house, an extra sway in your hips. You could hear your family cackle as you walked into the house. You saw your mom starting the process of cleaning the kitchen and she looked up at you when you entered.

“What is going on out there?” She asked.

“My friends are ganging up on me and the fam thinks it's hilarious.” You said. “Oh well you kno- are you okay, you’re awfully pale.” Your mom asked coming over to you. 

“Oh yeah, just car sick momma.” You said, waving it off.

“Why don’t you sit down then?” She asked trying to lead you over to a seat.

You sighed and complied, only cause you really felt like passing out. When the boys came in with two large cases each and saw you sitting at the kitchen bar top they just stared.

“Stop staring and go put that luggage down.” You grumbled.

Steve just smiled and kissed the top of your head as he passed.

Once everything had been unpacked and take-out had been ordered, you all gathered in the large living room to talk and catch up. At this point, your family had figured out you were friends with two Avengers.

“Why the hell would you not tell us you knew Captain America! I mean that’s pretty important!” Your cousin said.

“I don’t know. I guess cause to me they’re not Captain America and the Winter Soldier, they’re just Steve and Bucky.” You explained with a shrug.

Her family just stared at the three of them sitting on the floor by the coffee table. 

“Well, I guess you taking self-defense classes makes sense. I assume one of them is your teacher?” Your younger cousin asked.

“Yeah, they’re both always worried about me. At first, it was Steve, but he was too afraid of hurting me so he asked a friend who doesn’t have super strength to train me a bit.” You said, leaving out that it was actually Natasha who trains you once a week. You didn’t really want to go through the fact that you know and are fairly friendly with the rest of the Avengers. 

“Damn, okay then.” your cousin said, an impressed look on her face. You laughed at that. You were practically sandwiched between the boys. You were used to this though, and you came to enjoy it more and more. As the night wore on, you got less nervous and let yourself go a little bit. You were much less rigid and enjoyed being with your whole family again. It had been so long since you all just laughed and chatted like this. The boys were enjoying it as well. They got to hear some stories about you that you would have never told. As the hours got later, the cozier the three of you became. It got to the point where you were practically in both of their laps. You could see your family starting to give the three of you looks, but you tried to avoid it. You could feel Bucky nudging you every time you dodged a look from your grandma or cousin. Eventually, you heard Bucky let out a deep sigh. You knew what was coming.

“Alright, I’m done with this.” He said quietly to you as he adjusted you in his lap. You went stiff as you looked at him with fear painted across your face. 

“You good (Y/N/N)?” Your cousin asked as he saw your change in demeanor. 

“Uh, yeah, kinda.” You stuttered out, still staring at Bucky. He gave you a sympathetic look. You could see in his eyes he was giving you an out, but you didn’t want one. You didn’t want your boys to think you were ashamed of them, especially Bucky. You’d spent so long reassuring him he was deserving of happiness and love, you knew chickening out would hurt him more than any of you.

You took a deep breath and turned to face your family, who had all gone unusually quiet while watching you have your silent conversation with Bucky.

“Okay, so,” You took another breath, “wow, this is harder than I thought.” You felt your hands start to shake, but each of the boys took a hand to lend you their support.

“Bucky and Steve aren’t just my best friends… They’re my boyfriends.” You squeezed your eyes shut as you waited for the expected explosion. But it was silent. You peaked your eyes open to see the shocked faces of your family. Well, everyone except your mom, who was smiling at you. Figures she knew, she always knew everything. After some slow blinking and looks to other members of the family, your family started to try and wrap their heads around the bomb you just dropped. 

“I’m sorry what?” Your grandfather questioned.

“I’m dating both Steve and Bucky, the three of us are in a relationship.” You explained, squeezing the boys' hands in an iron grip. 

“That’s ridiculous. You can’t date more than one person.” Your cousin said, his eyebrows furrowed in shock and disbelief.

“You actually kinda can. And we have, for a while now.” You said, your voice shaky and meek. 

“Wow, greedy much? Can’t have just one, you need two?” Your little cousin said, her lips forming a scoff.

“Please, don’t be like this.” You begged, your eyes filling with tears.

“Like what? Honey, you can’t date two men. That’s just not how it works.” Your grandmother said, her voice not hostile, but like she was explaining something to a two-year-old. 

“How what works? Your idea of a relationship. Newsflash, it’s not the 50s anymore nan.” You snapped, getting defensive now.

“Alright, let’s all calm down.” Your mother said, trying to keep anyone from saying more hurtful things.

“No, it’s fine. I knew this would happen. Hell, I almost wasn’t even gonna say anything because I knew you guys would act like assholes about it. But I did because my boys deserve better than to feel like my dirty secret. I love them with all I have and I know they love me as well. So if you can’t comprehend that with your tiny little brains, then that’s your problem.” You ranted, getting up and gathering your things as you said your piece. “We are leaving, and if any of you want to get your heads out of your asses, I would love to have another meal with you and spend more time together, but if you can’t well… screw you.” You said as you walked out the door.

You knew the boys would follow, they always would. You made it out the door and to the car before you broke down. Your sobs nearly brought you to your knees. They would have if Bucky wouldn’t have been as fast as he was at catching you.

“Sh, sh, sh. I know. You were so brave. I love you so much. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.” Bucky murmured into your hair. You felt Steve also wrap himself around you from behind as you sobbed in the driveway. 

You heard the front door to the house open and Steve briefly pull away to see who had followed you. You could also feel Bucky stiffen, ready for a fight.

“Oh my baby,” You heard your mom mutter.

You pulled away from Bucky to look at her as her eyes filled with tears. You rushed in to give her a big hug, letting her hold you while you both cried.

“You get my baby home and take care of her.” Your mom ordered the boys.

“We will ma’am,” Steve promised.

“It was great to finally meet you both in person. I’m glad she found you.” She said as she passed you off to Bucky, kissing your forehead.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” She promised. You nodded and let Bucky pick you up and bring you to the car. 

The drive home was a blur. You knew this was gonna happen. You’d prepared yourself the best you could for the inevitable, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. You bearly registered the boys bringing you upstairs and helping you to get ready for bed, washing your face, and taking your hair out. You only came back to the present when you felt them curl into you, surrounding you with them. The tears came back again as you thought about how you pretty much just lost your whole family. The people who had always promised to be there for you, no matter what. 

The boys tried so hard to console you. The guilt was killing them. They knew you’d be mad if you knew they felt guilty, but they couldn’t help it. They knew what your family meant to you, and they’d effectively just ripped it apart. 

“Always got your back my ass,” you mumbled.

“What’s that sweetheart?” Steve asked, nuzzling into your hair. You giggled through the tears as his nose tickled your neck. 

“They just, it was always the family thing to promise we’d always have each other’s back. It’s just kind of ironic that they all seemed to forget that.”

“I am so sorry doll, I wish we’d never pushed you to tell them.” Bucky apologized, the tears gathering behind his icy blue eyes.

“Oh no no no, don’t be sorry.” You said, your tears coming back when you realized how hurt he was. “I knew what they’d think. But you know what?” You rolled over to hold his face in your hands. “Fuck them, they don’t realize how lucky and how happy I am. If their small-mindedness is more important than me, I don’t really want them in my life anyway.” You said.

“But I know how much your family means to you,” Bucky said lowly.

“Family to me is the people that love and support you unconditionally. So if they can’t do that, they’re not my family. But you know who is. You.” You said, the smile coming back to your face as you saw Bucky let out a little laugh, his eyes brightening.

“You boys are my home and family now. If some of them get over the shock and want to be part of my family great, but if not, I’ll be okay. Cause I got my boys.” You said, reaching behind you to pull Steve closer to you.

The three of you fell asleep that night, tears dried and smile on your face. It hurt to lose your family, but you knew that you’d always have your boys, and that was enough to lessen the pain in your heart.

[hostiias]

MENTAL HEALTH WITH NIM: DID

           Hey sweet peas! Nimbus here and I have what’s known as DID!! What is DID you ask? It’s short for Dissociative Identity Disorder !! It was known as multiple personality disorder until the 90′s--when they gained a better understanding and changed the name. You don’t have to read this, but it would mean a whole awful lot to me if you did!

       First a disclaimer! DID is unique to everyone like many disorders and while some core facts are the same, please not I only have one experience and one side of this multi-faceted disorder!

         DID is formed in ages 7-9 and only in this stage of childhood. It is caused by repeated and/or extreme trauma. The person who has developed DID (aka me!!) will have no memory of their childhood. That’s right! I don’t remember anything--and any memories I have are vague and fuzzy, like they happened to someone else. I only have one very clear memory--but I only recovered it fairly recently via therapy.

           That brings us to our next issue--DID causes severe memory loss. I’m not talking a few hours--Im talking losing days, weeks, months, and even years. I’ve had to work very hard with my disorder and therapy to get a better handle on this loss of time--but that’s still fairly recent and I do still lose time. The reason I bring this up is because I might not remember a conversation we had--or something I was supposed to do for you.

            I forget birthdays, anniversaries, important dates, etc so much--like i don’t even remember my mums. Bits and pieces of my life are like shadows in my mind and I have to do some digging and info-seeking to find it out. It’s very difficult and I feel very guilty about it...so please never take it personally if I don’t remember something. It’s not because I don’t care , but because my mind is literally fragmented.

           Expanding on that--DID is a defensive disorder created by your mind to try and protect you from your trauma. So you know how in 7-9 your ‘parts’ of personality are slowly integrating to create you? The trauma disrupts this and your parts stay separate, creating alters. These alters often create their own personas; become their own people. The bugger thing is, once you’ve split--you can do it later again when you’re older. That’s right! If I’m traumatized enough, it could cause me to split again--because now my brain has recognized this ‘split’ as a defensive tactic.

             I’m pretty lucky that because I’ve been getting therapy (and FINALLY got a diagnosis; like I’m medically diagnosed with this disorder) I’ve been able to avoid further splits. At this time I have eight alters I am aware of whom I communicate with almost like a family; this is how I’ve been able to cut down on my memory loss. It’s still a bit like watching myself through tv, but at least I’m more aware of what happened.

              Some quick terminology!!

Protector: an alter who keeps the system safe

Alter: The ‘part’ that split.

System: The name for the collective unit of alters and host/original.

Host: the alter who is living the individuals life most of the time, might not be the original.

Original: the individual who was originally traumatized and ended up with DID. (I am both the host and the original).

Gatekeeper: Someone who monitors what alters are allowed to interact with the rest of the system and what memories are allowed to be accessed. If there are Persecutors in the system, they keep them at bay.

Persecutor: An alter who often exhibits the behavior of the person who was abusive/caused the trauma. Usually only harmful to the system itself. It is rare for persecutors to cause harm to outside individuals, but they may say cruel things.

Internal self-helper: An alter who is mostly on in the system that makes sure everyone is where they need to be; aka sort of like the maintenance guy.

Trauma holder: An alter who holds the memories of the trauma that cause their split.

Little: An alter who maintains the appearance and mindset of a child; usually the result of the initial trauma from ages 7-9.

Non-human: An alter who is not human. Can be a mythical being but is typically an animal presenting alter.

Fictive: An alter who has the ‘memories’ and personality of a fictional person as well as their appearance and name.

Headspace: This is an internal world sort of like Sherlocks ‘mind palace’ from the BBC show where all the alters can interact with each other and ‘live’. How it appears is different for everyone–my headspace is a cabin in the woods.

Age: Alters can be the same age as the orginal or older/younger. They are, essentially, their own people in many ways.

Co-existence: A therapy method in which you learn to live and function with your alters (this is the therapy I use)

Integration: A form of therapy where the original and/or host begins to integrate the alter into their singular personality (aka going through the process that was disrupted in childhood). This can also occur between alters.

      I have a very good relationship with my alters but it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past with varying personality traits, time loss, etc. I’ve even had a few toxic relationships in which I was the toxic party--partly due to not having a good handle on what was going on. Now no one should use this as an excuse! I am as at fault for my alters actions as I would be if they were my own so don’t let anyone excuse bad behavior with ‘my alter did it, not me!’ because they can absolutely work on getting a better handle of them.

        I will say that people with DID who have not gotten a better handle on their alters deserve your grace and patience where you feel you can give it; it’s frightening to know that sometimes there’s basically a whole other person driving your body. You don’t need to, nor are expected to excuse harm--but hopefully you can at least offer some understanding--because that’s all any person suffering from this disorder can ask for. It’s especially hard when you’re undiagnosed and have no idea what’s going on--only that something is wrong (I speak from experience here hhh--)

        You ready for another term? Ok so alters often will ‘front’, this is like to say if you were driving a car--whoever is fronting is driving the car. The car is your body (obviously). So if you’re in the passenger seat, you probably still are aware of what’s going on, even if you’re no longer in control--if you’re in the backseat you have a vague idea of what’s happening, but it’s not really clear to you--you’re there but removed. If you are in the trunk you have no idea what’s going on--you’re completely blind to anything being said or happening. Even when I (Nimbus) am not fronting, I’m typically in the passenger seat anymore--but I used to only be in the back seat or the trunk...so it’s taken a year or so of work to get here.

           This is a disorder that is very important to me to talk about because I don’t wanna feel ashamed or crazy of something my brain did to protect me so I’m gonna be more vocal about it here! You are welcome to ask myself or my alters questions in IM’s or in my ask box! You may not however ask about my trauma, that’s just rude and unkind. I can also send you resources for people who talk about DID that I feel are trustworthy in their info. My disorder is nothing to be ashamed of and I’m happy to share it with you!

          Below is a list of seven of my alters whom you may ask questions as well!

Roxas: Main protector. 26. He/him. True neutral. aro/ace. coffee addict. Teasingly known as ‘sk8r boy’. Not related to the kh roxas. Like sunsets, coffee, snap backs, and hiking. Pitches my voice down a bit.

Dimitri: Physical protector/gatekeepr. He/him. blunt/asshole. some sort of chaotic alignment. 25. Means well but could stand to be a little gentler about things. Likes leather, alcohol, dancing, and fighty-aesthetics. Pitches my voice down a lot.  

Sage: Caretaker. he/him. 31. the mom friend. Will make you tea and listen to all your problems. Will suggest good books. Lawful good. Likes soothing aesthetics, once upon a time, tea, sweaters, leggings, and classical music. Talks in full and VERY formal sentences. Has a softer tone than me.

Salem: Internal self-helper. 21. he/him. really sunny personality. lawful good. genuinely a good person. minor anxiety. likes exercise, healthy foods, and bubbly music. Has a country bumpkin british accent (kind of?). Will call you ‘love’ or ‘lovey’

Koumei: Caretaker. he/him/they/them. 23. genderqueer. “lets talk about how that feels”. Makes sure i’m honest during counseling sessions. Likes crop tops, those cloth elephant pants you see in hipster stores, yoga, tea, east asia aesthetics, and meditative music. Whisper-talks. SHY.

Carter: Gatekeepr. he/him. 18. ace. grumpy/moody teenager. awkward phase. ‘lol bold of you to assume I process anything’. Stays in room almost 24/7. blunt. likes video games, beanies, hoodies, jeans, sneakers, and sleeping during the day. Doesn’t change my voice really.

Bubble: non-human. Some sort of fairy? Genderless but uses he/him. Likes to look like a meow wow cause they make me happy. Age is a mystery. Can appear human and typically chooses a little boy. Lets have a good time everyone!! Like to color, play games, do child-like things/watch child-like shows. ‘reconnect with your inner child nim!’. LOUD and BUBBLY.

Thank you for reading and again if you have any questions for us let me know !! I love you all <3333

[siljepn-blog]

&&. announcing her majesty, ( cecilie laila dagmar “silje” petrović-njegoš ), the ( 35 ) year old ( queen ) of ( montenegro ). she is often confused with ( lily aldridge ). some say that she is ( unforthcoming & willful ), but she is actually ( open-minded & loyal ). 

trigger warning for miscarriage, pregnancy.

So this is Cecilie Petrović-Njegoš, née Glücksburg (Silje if you know her), Queen of Montenegro and former Princess of Denmark.

Silje has always been a fairly popular royal. While she isn’t the most approachable seeming person in the world, she’s fairly down-to-earth and takes her duties very seriously.

However, she’s never liked the scrutiny and invasions of her privacy that come with being who she is. It’s made it more difficult to cope with painful events.

Case in point: eight years ago, she was engaged to Sérgio d’Aragó and expecting a child with him. After she miscarried, however, she began to push him away and eventually broke things off. Dealing with the ensuing publicity made the situation even more devastating than it already was.

Some time later, she reconnected with an old friend, King Danilo of Montenegro. Neither of them wanted a romantic relationship at the time, but they began one anyway, and eventually got married.

Silje miscarried for the second time not too long after the wedding. After getting pregnant again fairly quickly, she gave birth to their daughter. It was the happiest moment of her life, although the road leading up to it (a very difficult pregnancy and premature birth) was difficult.

Both she and her husband want a second child, but have begun to wonder if it’s worth it, as she recently had yet another miscarriage — this time in her second trimester.

She’s not in the greatest headspace at the moment, even if she insists on acting like it’s business as usual.

Silje is nothing if not stubborn. It’s basically impossible to get her to budge once she’s made up her mind, and she likes to get her way. She’s loath to forgive or forget.

Her family means the world to her. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do to ensure their happiness or well being.

She has a pretty dry, sarcastic sense of humor and can come off as cynical (she kind of is, but tends to be more pragmatic than anything).

Silje’s also very curious, and open-minded. She loves to try new things and meet interesting people.

That’s it for now (I might add more later since it was pretty short), like this if you want to plot!

[whatthefoucault]

opposablethumbs-on-ao3 replied to your chat “Reblog if you are a fanfiction author and would like your readers to...”

@whatthefoucault 13 - Dirty Attic

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

@opposablethumbs-on-ao3 So, Notes From A Dirty Attic was written I tend to map out a soundtrack to most stories fairly early in the writing process; sometimes a story will come out of a scene that shows itself to me really vividly when I hear a piece of music, sometimes I’ll start writing and I’ll find songs along the way that help put me into the right headspace for the story.  There’s the playlist I listened to on repeat while writing this one here, but I’ll go through a couple of significant tracks here for fun:

Wouldn’t It Be Nice by The Beach Boys

I’m not a huge Beach Boys fan by any stretch - like, I like this song and I like Good Vibrations because of how weird it is and how much you can see its influence on other stuff I listen to a lot.  But specifically, I think I heard this song on the radio around that time, and it hit me like HOLY SHIT, how the narrative of it applies itself really perfectly to prewar pining Bucky, but there’s also a certain sense of hindsight to it, and there’s an unsettling edge to the otherwise cheerful orchestration of it, and I think it speaks really well to Bucky’s experience of trying to piece together his life before the war, remembering that time when a happily ever after was always just out of arm’s reach but therefore also always possible, before everything fell apart.

Falling In Love With The Old World Again by John Southworth and the South Seas

Fun fact: I was at the show where this was filmed!  This is a song that’s just always really stuck with me since that show, just as a beautifully atmospheric piece of music, quietly melancholy.  There’s a real sense of loneliness, of trying to reconnect with places and things and maybe even people who aren’t quite what they were before, and feeling like you don’t quite fit the same way you did anymore, but navigating your way through this new old world anyway.  And that’s really a lot of how Bucky feels here, finding things that are familiar, but changed, not quite ready to reunite with Steve, not sure what will happen if he tries.

Qachina by Damien Jurado

It’s a beautiful piece of music, but it’s coincidentally a sort of condensed summary of the story:

I lost my mind

so I stepped out for a time

went for a walk

on a long road, to unwind

I met myself there

saying, “go home”

Ask me more questions about stories?