#help with Shyness

[chemblrish]

Hey Lena, any tips for how to make friends in uni as a nerdy but introverted/socially anxious girlie? 🥺 thank youu

Hi!

I need you to know I saw this ask and immediately thought, "Did I just get a message from my past self?" 😅 Nerdy and introverted? Check. Used to have very bad social anxiety? Check. I was in therapy though and it was immensely helpful! I'm still a little shy but doing incomparably better, so I can tell you what I've learnt and hopefully some of it can help you too :)

Excuse the language, but first of all, you need to give yourself a fucking break. Shy people, we tend to fixate on ourselves: our looks, our posture, on whether what we just said was weird, and so, all our flaws (both real and imaginary) appear magnified tenfold - but only to us. Because truth is, nobody else is judging you half as harshly as you're judging yourself. Nobody is analyzing all your jokes or the way you walk. If you trip or say something awkward, it genuinely doesn't matter. It happens to everybody sometimes, it's okay. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're shy, maybe you're easily overwhelmed, maybe you have very little experience making friends - but none of these make you inherently weird. So give yourself a break. You're sincerely doing a lot better than you think, I promise.

Small talk is actually not a bad thing, no matter what some edgelords may try to tell you. I used to spark up a lot of conversations early on in uni by bringing up things like the last test (because most of the time I'd get a mildly pained sigh in response and then we'd bond over how hard it was and how the professor was crazy lol) or the upcoming lab class ("Any interesting exercises in your schedule?") or how my commute to uni that day wrecked me and hey are you a commuter? Oh, you live in a dorm, how do you like it? And many other things of this sort, because if you think about it, uni is a neverending source of conversation topics when you're a student talking to another student.

You know how shy people are advised to just ask questions because everybody loves talking about themselves? That's not a bad advice. The trick is to be genuinely curious about other people. Don't ask just to say something, ask to hear what that other person has to say. This is helpful for two reasons: it takes the focus away from you (which is exactly where shy people shouldn't keep it) by directing it at the other person, and it actually helps to keep the conversation going, because it allows you to find either another thing that might interest you about that person or something to share about yourself.

Maybe it's obvious, but don't hide yourself. I know it's a lot easier to just curl up in a corner with your phone, but you gotta put yourself out there. Hang out with the rest of your course mates outside the lecture hall as you're all waiting for the professor. Take your time packing up afterwards instead of dashing straight for the exit. Don't look for that secluded spot where you can hide safely with a book (even though your introvert instinct tells you to do just that), be where the other students hang out.

Sometimes you have to keep choosing someone. Storytime with a moral: I took a liking to one of my current friends very early in the first semester. She seemed like exactly the kind of person I wanted to stick with in uni. I'd always come up to her and talk to her first but she hardly ever did the same. For some time I'd think, "Welp, clearly she doesn't dislike me, but she doesn't seem to like me much either." Now I can't even remember when that changed, but in an honest conversation we had maybe last month (so after almost two years of knowing each other!!), she told me she often struggles with figuring out whether someone likes her and wants her around or not, so she usually just stays away. You aren't the only introvert out there. Maybe the person you're trying to befriend is also a little anxious and needs a bit more time and effort from you. Don't give up too easily!

Not all people are your people and that's okay. You'll find that trying to talk to someone continuously feels like a chore no matter your good intentions. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or with them. Everybody can't click with everybody and that's fine!

And lastly: "different friends for different things" is a liberating philosophy. Maybe there's this one person in this one class that you always sit with and get along with well, but it doesn't seem like either of you wants to take it any further than that. Cool! That's your buddy X from Y class. Not everyone has to be your bestie who knows all your secrets and shares all your interests. Be open to the concept of casual friends, so that you don't miss out on the more meaningful relationships by chasing someone who's just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.

Good luck my fellow introvert. Remember getting better at making friends is a process but also a skill that can be practiced and polished. You got this, I'm rooting for you!

[uhlillie]

i'm just a little sentimental guy

[meifunk]

˗ˏˋ 🌙 ★ ˎˊ˗ When the moon met its star ˗ˏˋ 🌙 ★ ˎˊ˗

[okayto]

I need a sanity check because I'm overthinking this.

I've gotta do a virtual (chat) library reference interaction as the user for class. Using an actual library chat service. I need a question that is "substantive" and meaningful so the chat doesn't end immediately, but needs to be asked somewhere that isn't my own school/institution.

I am, unfortunately, blanking on ideas because I'm one of those people who IRL refuses to ask for help until I've exhausted everything I can think of, so I've got no sense of "this is good enough to fit" here. Plus, I'm afraid of asking a question that would have the librarian directing me into their own institutional databases, which I wouldn't be able to access.

The only thing I can think of is asking for help finding open-access stuff on a topic. (Topic I've thought of is anime, open to suggestions that are less potentially restrictive.)

Does this sound reasonable? Or

Does anyone have a better idea of something I could fire off at a random reference librarian in another state without embarrassing myself?

[peaches2217]

I use we/us/ours so often that I’m sincerely considering adding them to my pronouns list. It’s a consequence of working in customer service since I was a teenager I guess; I’m not part of a system or anything, I’m bigender but one single person, yet still I gravitate heavily towards them.

But then I wonder what the point would be, because the only way those could be interpreted for others to use is for people to call me they/them, and I’m certainly not they/them. I’m just us, and we’re me.

Hrmgh…

[rennybu]

LEGEND TUMBLR USER RENNYBU ❗❗ PLEASSEDEDEEEEE are yew possibly doing artfight this year ..... i crave to draw loam like i would desperately crave a gallon of ice cold water, Awakening in the dead of night as a shriveled husk of a being (ilove him)

I PLAN TO!!! i'll b very busy in july but i always have a lot of fun drawing for art fight i dont wanna miss it this year :'~) I WOULD BE HONOURED IF U DREW A LOAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! behold my page...

https://artfight.net/~rennybu

[wanderingmind867]

I'm not very social on here, and I'm worse in real life. At least on here I engage with people sometimes. Not often, though. I barely ever use the ask feature, I get really nervous using the messaging feature (made partially because I never told my dad I post on here?) and I even struggle to work up the nerve to tag people sometimes. But at least I tag people and talk occasionally.

In real life, I actively avoid talking about my interests in public. I stay quiet at school or in public. I don't like to discuss my interests at all, for reasons even I can only guess at. But i don't really open up to anybody in real life. The only one who sees my every mood (nitj good and bad) is my dad. I don't open up to anyone besides him. So compared to my behavior in real life, i'm practically super outgoing on here. I mean, not really. But by comparison.

[dragonjesterwrites]

Things I have learned from HW2:

I need to make Moon +110% more giggly, and Sun +110% more sassy

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

I have so many conflicting feelings about Dangerous Romance.

On the one hand, I do ultimately enjoy watching the episodes, and I especially enjoy all the positive posts on my dash about it. And I do find myself agreeing with some of the meta. And I also understand why so many people on my dash are enjoying this.

On the other hand, it's hard not to agree with the people that are not enjoying this, and with the very understandable criticism they are making on how the show is handling the poor vs rich themes.

The conflicting emotions are not helped by the fact that that while I can see that both Perth and Chimon are doing great job, especially individually. They do not have the right chemestry to be in a romance togher. It's giving 2gether the series vibes (not the sequel, which was better, the first season).

I don't know where this is going. Just like I don't know in which camp I fall more into regarding this show. Just wanted to put my thoughts out there.

[billtergiest]

Its gonna take literal years to get to a point like this in the plot because I'm writing a slowburn webcomic but I still want to draw my dumb lesbians god dammit

[wlw-cryptid]

Fuck, that's so sexy. Just thinking about your eyes looking up at me with your lips wrapped around my fingers - i think i could cum from just that alone.

But that whole slutty performance is so fucking sexy – where's that shyness from before? You're admitting your place, what you need, now. It's cute, watching you admit that all you need is to submit to butches.

- guilty pleasure anon

🫣 well . I day dream about getting to submit to a butch and then suddenly I've got butch fingers in my mouth? I have to worship them. I want them being thrust past my lips slow and steady too. all I want is be put in my place n it's only fair that I show how eager and happy it makes me to be treated like that

[the-acid-pear]

Need to finish my Dave design so I can draw him with Mori

[lavenoon]

In AU, how does y/n try to help Sun get over being self-conscious about the purring? And why is he self-conscious at all if Moon does it too and he isn't?

Well, Sun and Moon are still individuals, and have a couple differing opinions on their features! (After all, Sun also isn't a big fan of the night and thermal vision color scheme, and only uses them when absolutely necessary and ideally when no one can see). Moon just doesn't care that much, his reputation (as far as Y/N is concerned) is "menace (affectionate)" and he can purr all he likes. Meanwhile Sun... just doesn't think it matches him anymore.

He used to do it more, when they were younger and still working off their creation cost in the daycare. Calm down children and entertain them as they giggle and ask him to do it again - so there's also the association that it's something childish, something he left behind, and no longer applicable to his current lifestyle!

He's really embracing the suave agent (or trying to), or at the very least the mature if friendly civilian, and doesn't feel like purring really matches that persona. Add to that that he's only engaging in very limited civilian contact, much less friendly civilian contact, and doesn't really engage in intimacy with anyone who isn't already part of his family.

And that's what it is! The purring is meant to soothe, and works best with close physical contact. That's just nothing for the broad public! That's something the boys reserve for anyone they want to protect and care for, and before Y/N, those were very very limited.

So once Y/N does learn about that handy little feature from Moon, they of course get curious about hearing it from Sun, too!

It takes a bit, and they have to be a tad careful - Sun is proud, and very concerned about leaving the right impression, so telling him it's "cute" can be a hit or miss depending on the context. "I like it, makes me feel safe" is a lot better, and tricks him by using his "I need to be helpful" instinct. Main AU Y/N also is nocturnal, and thus sleeps during the day when Sun is out. When they manage to finagle their way into a cuddle session before they conk out, perhaps on those rare days off when Sun has nowhere to be either, that's when even a cute will be forgiven - sleepy Y/N with no filter, snuggling close and closer to that soothing sensation, mumbling a quiet little "'s cute, don't stop" - and really, how could he deny them then?

Having his partner be vulnerable in front of him, trusting him enough to sleep right next to him while he stays awake, in their profession? That's a major show of trust, and love, and he simply has to believe them when they compliment the feature he's feeling self-conscious about.

As their relationship grows and they start growing comfortable with the domesticity of it all, Sun loosens up more and more and purrs more freely - but only in private, and he insists on getting his cuddles every time <3

[nikawiy]

i've had words i was told on repeat on my mind abt how someone likes i write side characters just giving me giddy feelings. i've been seriously struggling mentally bc my health has been getting worse as well as i mask that it's not that bad and just . . . happy

[ringchollyandfriends]

Bubblebean health update:

Vet Appointment

- she's getting blood tests to make sure she can remain on her arthritis pain meds + apoquel

- i'm still uncertain if apoquel helps her, but it doesn't hurt and i have no idea where to go from there

- on the bright side, carprofen does help her move with less stiffness. It's not a miracle worker, but i'm glad it helps!

- she yelled 2-3 times when pooping, which is odd since she got her anal glands expressed recently, but luckily, they had enough time to do that, so hopefully they can help her!

[wanderingmind867]

I have to make a social skills phone call later night. I know it'll probably be fine, but it's super stressful. The anticipation and waiting is the hardest part. Even though I've done this class nearly 6-7 times now, but there's always that bit of anticipation and anxiety that creeps in as I approach the call. The call always goes fine. But it's still awful to sit and wait, because that allows my brain to panic and overthink. I hate the feeling of anticipation, but I still know I'll almost definitely be fine.