#hiiiii i’m very proud of these please enjoy them

[vldlance]

achilles binding patroclus’ wounds

500 BCE

thought i would jump on @klance-daydreams’s bandwagon and try some classical art inspired klance! something about this ancient greek vase really struck me. it was so fun to try to mimic the art!

original art under the cut!

[headkiss]

steady hand

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau!reader

summary: hotch catches you at the worst times, but you’re not mad about it. or: 4 times you need hotch’s help +1 time he needs yours.

word count: 6.1k

warnings: probably very inaccurate descriptions of r’s job (it’s for the plot, okay??), shy!reader, a very small injury description, yearning (?), first kiss, fluff !!!

a/n: hiiiii this is my very first hotch fic (gasp) so i hope i did okay!!! i’m excited to be writing for him and i have enjoyed it so far and i hope you will too!!! please please let me know what you think and if you’d want to see more of him from me <33

༄

People are usually impressed when you tell them you work at the BAU.

Which, you won’t lie, is something to be proud of, but their first thought is always that you’re doing something big and solving cases. They ask you if you were there when this case was solved or when that killer was caught.

Then there’s the nodding and dissipation of their excitement when you explain that you work a desk job there. Organize files, write reports, that sort of thing. That is a lot less impressive to most.

You’re no Agent Morgan, or Dr. Reid. Certainly no Agent Hotchner or Prentiss. Instead of being on the field, you spend your time fighting with a printer.

Getting the papers you needed should have been simple, a quick in and out that would have you back hiding behind your desk in minutes. Of course, the universe or something must be against you, because instead, you’ve spent at least twenty minutes trying to figure out what’s wrong.

It isn’t jammed (you’ve checked about five times to be sure) and you’re not educated in printers enough to know how to fix whatever’s going on. You’re just lucky nobody else has needed it yet.

“Come on,” you mutter, trying to pull it away from the wall to get a better look.

You’re sure there’s stress sweat building on your forehead. The last thing you want to do is ask someone for help, to make yourself too visible in this place full of important, intimidating people. You’d rather struggle on your own for now.

You make sure that the thing is plugged in (it is) and then check if it’s jammed. Again.

“Piece of shit,” you’re mumbling at the thing, leaning over it looking for anything out of place.

That’s when you hear someone clear their throat behind you. The sound has you jumping, your knuckles smacking against the wall where your hand had been wedged between it and the printer. You turn around to find Agent Hotchner.

He’d been walking by the printer room when he heard the grumbled curse words. Peeking inside, he’d been pleasantly surprised to find you fussing over the printer. He bit back a chuckle before making his presence known.

You tug your skirt down where it’d ridden up, fiddling with the hem as you try to push down your embarrassment. Of course he’d be the one to see you, in his crisp suit and all. He’s leaning a shoulder against the doorframe, his arms crossed loosely. You swallow and try not to look at his biceps.

“Sorry, sir. The printer doesn’t seem to be, um, printing.”

“I’m assuming that’s why you were fighting with it.”

You fight a wince, “you heard that?”

“Heard what?” He asks, though by the twitch of his lips, you know that he’s well aware of what you’re talking about. He then gestures at the cause of your issues behind you, “it’s not jammed, is it?”

“I don’t think so. It wasn’t when I checked, at least.”

You’re trying not to act as nervous as you are. You don’t think you’ve ever really spoken to Agent Hotchner, save for small ‘hello’s and that one time you apologized for bumping into him. He’s handsome—you’ve always thought so—and, more importantly, he’s basically your boss.

“Let me take a look,” he says, walking over. You step aside, staying out of the way.

“It’s alright,” you start as he looks over it, “I’m sure you have much more important things to do than fix a printer, sir.”

Hotch’s eyes flick over to where you stand, a hand still fiddling with the hem of your skirt, your hair a little messy, your eyes a little wide and worried. You look pretty, he thinks. And sure, he does have things he should be doing instead of trying to fix this printer, but he doesn’t really care.

“Don’t worry about that,” he tells you.

He looks back to the printer, and he seems pretty convinced about trying to help, so you drop it.

While he’s distracted, you take the opportunity to look at his profile. The slope of his nose, the cut of his jaw, the way his brows are pinched a little in focus. It’s unfair, you think, for him to be smart and brave, and be so good-looking on top of it all.

Like he’d heard your thoughts, felt your gaze, he looks over at you again. You turn your eyes toward the floor quickly.

It’s a couple of minutes before anyone speaks. You, staring at the carpet until your vision goes a little fuzzy. Hotch, pushing buttons and flicking switches trying to figure out whatever was going on with the damn printer.

Then, the sound of the ink swiping over the pages, the papers spitting from the printer. You look over at it, mouth slightly parted. What can’t he do?

The sound of your name has your eyes snapping up to his. It’s yet another surprise, him knowing your name. You’re not that important, in the grand scheme of things at the BAU, in the world, really. Someone meant to stay hidden in the background. And still, he knows your name.

“It should be fine now,” he says, grabbing your papers from the cartridge and handing them to you as he stands up straight. “Let me know if it gives you trouble again.”

You grab the pages from him slowly, still shocked at the whole exchange. Your fingers brush against his as you do. “I- Thank you, sir.”

He nods, moving towards the hall. He pauses in the doorway, turning back towards you. “Hotch is fine.”

“Sorry?”

“You keep calling me ‘sir.’ You don’t have to. Just Hotch is fine.”

“Right. Sorry, sir- I mean, Hotch,” you test it out. “Thank you again.”

Yes, Hotch thinks, he likes you saying his name a whole lot more. He sends you a kind smile, “no problem.”

Hotch walks away, probably towards his office where he has very important things to do. Stuff that was surely delayed because he paused to help you. You stare at the doorway for a minute, until you give yourself a papercut and look down at it.

Aaron Hotchner knows who you are.

-

You’re two shitty coffees deep so far, your report open on your desk, the typing bar blinking on the screen of your computer.

There’s pages to go, though you’re not sure how many. You’ve been doing the sort of mindless, robot typing you do when you’re tired. When you’re preoccupied with trying not to glance in the direction of Hotch’s office.

The team got back sometime last night, long after you’d already gone home. From somewhere in Indiana, you think. You’re not sure how they do it, flying about and still coming into the office. You’re tired and you can’t even remember the last time you’ve been on a plane. Add the crime fighting and you’d be a goner.

Blinking yourself from your thoughts, you look back at the blank pages spread out in front of you. It’s not unusual for you to be missing pieces that you need to complete things, it’s just inconvenient. You always end up having to ask someone for the files you need, and then you feel like a burden.

It’s stupid, but in a place full of important people, it’s easy to feel like you’re just in the way.

Anyway, it’s your job, so you push away from your desk and stand, tugging the sleeves of your sweater over your hands.

Your first thought is to go to Reid. As far as friendship goes, you’d consider yourself closest to that definition with him. He’s also the least intimidating of the bunch, probably because you see the most of yourself in him.

You find him in the kitchen with Agent Jareau, both holding their own mugs, probably filled with the same coffee as the one that sits on your desk. You knock gently on the door even though it’s open.

“Hi, sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if either of you have the files from that case you worked a couple weeks back. The one in Ohio,” you shuffle on your feet under their gaze. “I need them for this report.”

“Hey,” Reid speaks first, smiling kindly, “I don’t remember keeping them, but I can double check in my desk if you would like.”

“Oh, that’s okay. You don’t have to do that, I’m sure I’ll find them somewhere.”

You’re about to head out the door when Agent Jareau stops you, “wait, I’m pretty sure Hotch has them. I can go ask him for you.”

It’s silly to feel nervous talking to them, especially when nobody’s ever been anything but nice to you. A little bit of the twist in your gut comes undone.

“No, no. I’ll go ask him if he isn’t busy, thank you though.”

“You should be fine, the door’s open,” she tells you.

You nod, sending the both of them a smile you hope doesn’t look awkward. “Thanks again.”

Their voices picking up their conversation follow you out the door. You cross the space, saying small ‘hello’s to Agent Morgan and Agent Prentiss when they greet you. You try to ignore the prickle of eyes on you as you climb the steps and head to Hotch’s office.

His jacket is draped across the back of his chair, his sleeves rolled up on his forearms. It’s probably the most disheveled you’ve ever seen him, and he’s only missing a single layer. You look away from his arms when he says your name.

Hotch had his head bent, looking over a case when he’d heard footsteps, and he’d been glad to find you standing in his doorway. You work in the same place, yet he barely sees you. That’s probably why something lightens in his chest every time he does. The rarity, that’s all.

“Is this a bad time?” You ask.

“Not at all,” he leans back in his chair, “what can I do for you?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you, sir-”

“Hotch,” he reminds gently. His voice is easy, a hum that you think would sound good no matter what he was saying.

“Right, sorry. Hotch. I was just looking for some files that I need from a case you guys had for this report.”

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that.”

Then, he smiles in that way that Aaron Hotchner so often does. A small twitch of his lips, a lift in the corners. One that you probably wouldn’t have caught if you weren’t paying so much attention. One that feels sort of like a gift.

You shake your head at yourself and elaborate, “the Ohio case. Three weeks ago, I think. I asked Agent Jareau, but she said you had them, so…”

Hotch wants to reassure you, but he’s not sure how to do it without standing up and letting himself grab your hand and squeeze it the way he’d like. And he can’t do that, not when you’re already nervous. Not when he’s not sure he could hold back after one touch.

“It’s no problem,” he opens one of his drawers, flips through folders until he finds what you’re looking for.

He stands up and walks around his desk until he’s in front of you, and he lets his gaze flick over your face while he has the chance. Your eyes find his easily, and you hope he can’t hear the catch in your breath.

Aaron isn’t usually so quiet with his affections, but that’s because he’s never found himself feeling this way at work. He wishes your desk was on his way to his office, just so he’d have an excuse to stop and talk to you. He makes sure never to use your favorite mug from the cupboard, just so you’ll be more likely to have it.

Hotch clears his throat, “here they are.”

He holds up the folder between you, his hand holding it loosely, the other hanging by his side. His fingers twitch.

You’re embarrassingly distracted by his exposed forearms, eyes trailing from his hand to the skin of his arm, to the way his shirt is tight where the sleeves are rolled. Then, it’s the color of his tie today, the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallows.

His hand reaching for yours is enough to erase everything else. He lifts it and places the folder in your hold for you. Your skin burns even when he pulls away.

“You alright?” He asks. Probably because you’d been staring at him like a weirdo.

Get it together.

“Yeah. Yes, sorry. Just sort of spacey today, I guess.”

When you look back to his face, there’s nothing but a sort of softness in his eyes you can’t identify. He smiles at you, and for the second time, you feel like you’ve won something.

“Is that what you needed?” He asks.

You open the folder and peek inside. You find exactly what you’d been looking for, not that you’re surprised. Hotch knew what you’d meant and you didn���t doubt that.

“It is. Thank you, Hotch,” you grin lightly when you get that part right. “I’ll get out of your way.”

“You’re not in my way.”

Hotch says the words like he’d known you needed to hear them, like he’d known what runs through your mind so often, like he can read you. He probably can, you think. He is a profiler after all.

Still, the words make your heart do a stupid little jump.

“I’ll bring them back when I’m done,” you say.

“No rush. They’ll just be going back in the drawer anyway.”

“Well, thank you again.”

“It’s no problem, really.”

Hotch watches you walk back to your desk with your head down. Looking at the folder in your hand, he thinks, at least it’s an excuse for you to come see him again.

-

Hotch isn’t in his office when you return the files.

Since you can’t thank him in person—assuming he’s off with the team somewhere saving lives—you leave a sticky note on top of the folder. You drop it on his desk and leave before you second-guess yourself and rip the note off.

You can’t help but think that the office feels sort of empty without the team there. Without Hotch there. It’s how it is most days, so you’re not sure why the absence feels so present now. You shake it off.

The day passes by, then your drive home, and the rest of your night, too. Through it all, you can’t stop wondering what Hotch is doing, wherever he is. Hoping he’s safe.

You’re certainly not expecting to see him the next day, back so soon, but you can’t say you’re upset about it. It’s a brief glance, him walking into his office, the rest of the team and their chatter following, but it’s enough to make your work seem less tiring for some reason.

It was a quick case, and Aaron was glad to at least get a couple of hours of sleep in before coming into the office. When he sits at his desk, the first thing he notices is the folder you’ve left there. The small note in your handwriting.

‘Thank you :)’

He peels the note away and folds it up. Without thinking, it ends up tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. It’s a simple piece of paper, but it’s heavy where it sits. He rubs a hand over the pocket where the note is and gets to work.

It’s not until a couple of hours later that Hotch ends up leaving his office. Conveniently, in the direction of your desk.

You’ve been burying yourself in your work, your leg bouncing nonstop, your nose inches away from the pages on your desk, your chair pushed in as close as it’ll go. You have to, because if you take a break, if you look away, your eyes will search for Hotch, and you don’t really want to think about what that means right now.

About the ache in your chest when he’s gone, the urge to go ask him a stupid question just to talk to him. It’s awful.

The pen you’re using suddenly runs out of ink, and it makes you pause long enough to feel a cramp in your hand. You sit up and huff, pulling your drawer open and digging around for another pen. Your name in Hotch’s voice has you shutting the drawer and spinning quickly.

It’s just your luck that your shirt gets caught, that the sound of the rip is too loud to play off or ignore.

“Oh gosh,” you whisper, looking down at the damage.

It’s a cheap shirt, you shouldn’t be surprised, but it’s worse than you’d expected. This is what you get for sitting so damn close. The side seam is split, and if you move too much, your bra would probably be visible.

“This is so embarrassing,” you say, holding the rip shut with one hand and holding the other on your forehead. Of course this would happen to you in front of him.

Aaron’s eyes hover where your skin had been exposed, even now that you hold your shirt shut, wondering if it’d feel as soft as it looks. He can’t even remember what he came over to do or say.

He swallows and looks at your face, “do you have another?”

You shake your head, still hiding behind your hand, “no. I really, really wish I did, though.”

“I have an extra one in my go bag. If you’d like?” He hears himself say the words, and he doesn’t regret them, necessarily, but it’s clear to him that you mess with his brain. He doesn’t think straight where you’re involved.

You peek up at him, dropping your hand to your side. “Are you sure? I could probably just use some paper clips, or something.”

“Nonsense. I’ll go get it, okay? I’ll bring it to the bathroom so you can change.”

“You don’t have to-”

Your name leaves his mouth again, gentle but firm. “I’ll grab it.”

“Okay.”

You speed-walk over to the washroom and walk in, closing the door only to block out the rest of the office, who surely noticed what just happened. You’re probably never gonna live this down.

Your overthinking doesn’t get very far, because after only a minute, Hotch is knocking on the door.

“It’s just me,” he says. ‘Just,’ like that word could ever be used to describe him. “You can just open the door a crack and I’ll pass the shirt through.”

You do as he says, tugging the door open until you can see a white dress shirt (of course) in his hand. You reach out and he hands it to you easily.

“Thank you, Hotch. I’ll wash it and give it back, I promise. Sorry for this.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You can’t see his face, but you can hear the sincerity in his voice. “I mean it.”

“Thanks,” you say quietly, closing the door.

His shirt is wrinkled from being packed in his bag, and the sleeves are long when you put it on, but it smells like him and isn’t ripped so you really can’t complain. You roll the sleeves and tuck the bottom into your pants, looking in the mirror to make sure you look at least a little bit put together.

Holy shit, you think. I’m wearing Aaron Hotchner’s shirt. What world have you been living in recently? To be interacting with him more often, to be feeling this sick skip in your heartbeat whenever you do.

You toss your ripped shirt in the garbage, look up, and huff out a breath before leaving the bathroom. You’re surprised to see Hotch still standing there.

“Oh,” you nearly bump into his chest when you walk out the door, but the warmth of his hand on your shoulder steadies you. “I didn’t know you were still there, sorry.”

“You don’t need to say sorry so much, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. You’re dreaming, surely. You pinch yourself on the inside of your arm, just in case. You don’t wake up.

“I- um,” you’re fumbling for words because he’s standing there, looking at you softly, calling you ‘sweetheart’ in that voice of his.

Aaron doesn’t know where that came from, but he’s said it and it’s happened. With the way he thinks about you, how often he does, he can’t really be surprised. Besides, seeing you get flustered because of him is absolutely worth it.

“I wanted to thank you for getting those files back to me so quickly.”

Your eyes flick over to his arm, and it’s then he realizes that his hand is still on your shoulder. He pulls it away and stuffs it in his pocket. He’s probably imagining it, but he swears his palm is tingling.

You wipe your hands over your thighs, “right. It was no problem, really. I was mostly done with my report, so… Thanks for giving them to me.”

“I’m glad to be able to help,” he says. Then he walks back to his office.

You’re standing in front of the bathroom for what’s surely an odd amount of time. Even back at your desk, you can’t shake the haze you feel, a pink tint to your vision, a flutter in your gut.

You spend the rest of your day with your nose buried in the collar of Hotch’s shirt, avoiding the gazes of your coworkers around you.

Aaron spends the rest of the day thinking about how you looked in his shirt. About how you’d look in it and nothing else. He drags a hand over his face when that pops into his head.

“You good, boss?” Morgan asks from the doorway.

“I’m fine.” He doesn’t miss the knowing smirk on Morgan’s face.

-

It’s very rare that Aaron leaves work at a reasonable time. So rare that he can’t remember the last time he wasn’t the last person there.

He’s used to the late nights, the empty spaces, deserted desks. Even so, it’s nice to finish up earlier than he’d expected. He looks forward to the extra sleep he’ll get, the longer time frame to decompress.

Leaving work early already felt like a small victory for the day, and he feels like he’s won something bigger when he sees you in your car, still in the parking lot.

You’d left maybe twenty minutes before Hotch, though you’d assumed he’d be leaving hours after you like he usually does. Everything was fine, normal as you bid your goodbyes to your desk neighbors, as you rode the elevator down.

The sun has started setting, and the air gets cooler as it sinks. You fish your car keys from your bag and unlock it, getting in quickly and tossing your bag onto the passenger seat.

You like your job, sometimes you love it, even, but you look forward to going home either way. You think about the warm shower you’ll take, the shitty dinner you’ll end up eating. Your lonely plans are ruined as you twist your car key in the ignition, it sputters and doesn’t start.

“No, no. Come on,” your head falls back, you huff and take the key out.

You try again, and still, no luck. And again, and once more until you’re fed up with it and drop the keys in your lap. Your head is dropped against the steering wheel, allowing yourself a moment of dramatics from your defeat.

A knock on your window startles you upright. Your heart races for reasons other than fear when you look at who it is.

Hotch stands outside, leaning towards your window with a scrunch in his brows. When he catches your eye, he steps back from your door and gives you room to open it and step out.

You shut your car door behind you and lean your back against it, “hi.”

“Hi. Sorry to scare you, but I wanted to check that you were alright?”

“It’s okay,” your arms are folded behind your back, your hands twisting. “Um, it’s nothing, just some car troubles.”

“That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“I guess not. It won’t start for some reason. I don’t know.” If he wasn’t standing right there, you’d probably smack yourself for how unsure you sound. “You keep catching me at the worst times, Hotch.”

He disagrees. Aaron can’t think of a time where seeing you could ever be a bad thing.

“You’re fine,” he says, his voice suddenly softer, “trust me.”

Despite the bite of the wind outside, the way he speaks warms you. He’s so honest in the way he speaks, in the sense that he sounds sure, even if it isn’t necessarily vulnerable. You don’t know how he does it.

A small smile spreads on your face before you can stop it, “okay, good. And thank you for checking on me. I’ll just call a cab and figure this out tomorrow.”

There’s no way he can let you take a cab. It’s obvious that with what he does, the things he sees, he’d rather know for sure you’d be safe getting home. But then, there’s the sort of floating feeling he has when he’s around you, one he’d like to feel for a little longer if he could.

“Let me drive you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, really. I’ll be fine.”

He ducks his head a little, catches your eye and holds you with that soft gaze of his. “Please, it’s not a problem. For my peace of mind.”

It doesn’t take much convincing, really. You’d much rather sit in a car that probably smells like him than in the back of a cab that smells like sweat.

“For your peace of mind, then. That’d be great.”

You grab your bag from your car before following Aaron to his, where he opens the passenger door for you and makes sure your legs are tucked inside before shutting it. He jogs around the front of his car and gets in.

“Where am I taking you?” He asks, starting his car. The radio hums softly through the speakers, and Hotch reaches over to turn on the heating when he catches you shivering a little.

You tell him your address, “you don’t have to drive me if it’s out of your way, Hotch. I mean it.”

“It isn’t out of my way,” he assures you, and he could easily be lying, but you accept it anyway.

It’s quiet for a little bit, besides the odd question from Aaron for which way to turn. You take the chance to look at him as he drives, his hands on the wheel, the street lights hitting his face. Your head lulls against the seat.

“You’re finished earlier than usual today,” you say. “Not that I know your schedule, or anything, I just-”

“Sweetheart,” he stops you, a smile spreading. It’s wider than what you’ve seen at work, unguarded enough to show his teeth. It’s really pretty. “It’s alright. It’s work I can be doing at home.”

“That’s good. A change of scenery, at least.”

“Exactly.”

You’re not sure what it is that feels different now, in the car. Maybe it’s because it’s only you and him, no prying eyes in the office, no concerns about what this is, what’s allowed. It might only be you, that feels this sort of spark with him, fizzing i’m the air between you. Either way, you’ll soak it up for the duration of the ride to yours.

Maybe that’s why you’re saying, “you know, I always thought you didn’t even know who I was. Until the printer thing.”

Aaron peeks over at you, leaned in his passenger seat. You look like you belong there, like there’s always been a spot for you in his life. Even when you’d started at the BAU, when he first saw you, he felt like it was right that you were there.

Hell, he’d asked Garcia who you were and has had your name in the back of his head since.

“I’ve always liked you,” he admits. He doesn’t say he’s always known you. Liked.

“Really?” You can’t help but ask. Someone like him even noticing you seemed unfathomable. But liking you? He’s gotta be lying.

“Really. Even when you were bumping into me.”

“You remember that?”

“Yeah, I do. You were looking down at the ground, walking like you were being timed. And you had on this light pink sweater.”

Your eyes go wide, focused on his face. You had been wearing a light pink sweater that day. And he remembers all of that? You think, if you looked at yourself in the mirror right now, your eyes would be in the shape of hearts, pulsing in your pupils.

“I can’t believe you noticed all of that.”

“I notice a lot of things,” he says.

Aaron has always had his guard up around new people, has always made himself more serious at work than anywhere else. Then you came along and he had to fight to keep things that way. It makes sense that the minute he sees you outside of work his walls would crumble to dust.

It was inevitable, really.

“I’ve always liked you, too.” Then, before he can say anything, you point at your building, “it’s this one here.”

The car rolls to a stop slowly, his turn signal flashing as he pulls over by the entrance of your apartment building. He puts the car in park and turns to you fully.

“Thank you for driving me.”

“No problem, sweetheart.”

His hand reaches out before he can really think about it, fingertips featherlight over your cheekbone, sliding over to tuck your hair behind your ear. Then, like it was never there, he pulls back. There’s a glow in his fingers where they’d brushed your skin, golden.

It matches the one you feel on your cheek, sparkling.

“Get in safe, okay?”

“It’s a few feet from here to the front door, Hotch. I’ll be alright.”

He huffs softly, twin smiles on your faces. Lovesick and shy, nervous and pink-hazed all at once.

“For my peace of mind,” he says.

“Fine, then. Your peace of mind,” you reach for the door handle, tugging it and pushing the door open. You look at Hotch again, like you can’t get yourself to stop. “Thanks again.”

“See you, sweetheart.”

“Bye.”

You step out and head to your door, turning around before walking inside to give him a wave. Aaron grins and waves back, watching you walk inside.

He stays parked by the curb until he sees a light flick on a couple of floors up.

-

+1

There’s a reason that Hotch is Unit Chief. He thinks quickly, keeps his head straight even with what he deals with every day. There’s also a reason his leadership has been questioned before, but never revoked.

He can be reckless, throwing himself into situations when he knows he probably should’ve waited for backup. This time, it only got him a split eyebrow and a few stitches. It’s been worse; this is nothing.

It is, however, proving to be an inconvenience. He’d gotten stitched up in the ER of whatever hospital was closest to where the team had caught their unsub. It had to be quick, from the hospital straight to the jet.

They’d told him to clean it up again and put a new bandage on it when he got back, which is what he’s trying to do now, in his office, with his laptop’s grainy camera as a mirror. He has the supplies the hospital gave him on his desk, but he can’t really see what he’s doing, and the task is taking much longer than he’d like.

His hands are a little shaky from the adrenaline of his day, and every time his arm comes up to reach his stitches, it blocks his view.

Then, he sees you walking up to his office.

Usually, you’d already be home by now, but you’d been yourself and messed up some of your paperwork, so you had to stay late to re-do it. When you catch sight of Hotch in his office, you’re not so annoyed with yourself.

You notice the things on his desk, the blood on the front of his shirt. Your feet carry you to his doorway easily. Last time you’d really spoken to him was that night in his car, and ever since, there’s been something boiling, a noticeable shift.

You tap your knuckles on his open door twice, “you okay?”

He gives up on dealing with his cut and looks at you instead, the slightly rumpled state of your clothes from a long day, the smile you wear that doesn’t exactly hide the concern in your eyes, the light from the hallway a halo around you. You’re the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

“I’m alright. Just can't seem to do this right,” he says, gesturing to his eyebrow.

“Do you need help?”

Aaron has never been one to accept help easily, always one to do things on his own. But, when you’re offering so sweetly, when your help means your hands on his skin, how could he ever say no?

“That would be great.”

He pushes his chair back to give you room to stand in front of him. Your legs between his, leaning against the edge of his desk. His knees bump into the sides of your legs, little bursts of the kind of warmth sunlight emits on skin.

You reach for the wipes first, holding them in one hand and reaching up to his eyebrow, the other grasping his chin gently to keep his head steady.

His hand reaches up to hold your elbow. It could so easily be innocent, be almost nothing, but it feels like more. His thumb running back and forth, your face close enough to his to have your breaths mingling. It really feels like more.

“You’re here late,” he says, low and quiet.

“Spilled coffee all over my work. Had to start over. Can you believe it?” You speak just as quietly, eyes flicking from his cut down to his, just for a second.

“I can, actually. You’re sort of clumsy.”

“Hey!” He’s right, of course, but the warm chuckle he lets out is worth your dramatic gasp.

“It’s not a bad thing,” he assures you, squeezing your elbow. “I think it’s cute.”

“Well, thank you, then.”

You set the wipe aside and reach for the bandage next, placing it over his eyebrow and smoothing down the edges with a light touch. When you’re done, you pull back but don’t go far. Your hands fall from his face to grasp the edge of his desk instead.

“All done,” you say.

Aaron’s hands have shifted to your waist. His touch is so delicate, but you’d never ignore it. It might as well be bruising, the way his hands affect you.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Hotch.”

Now would be the time to walk out the door, to say ‘goodnight’ and head home, but you’re in no hurry. Not when his eyes are shining in the dimmed light of his office, soft and practically melting.

They seem to beckon you closer, and though you don’t have a reason this time, your face ends up near his, noses almost touching. It’s as far as you go, afraid you’re misreading things, afraid you’ll be wrong about this.

Hotch closes the space for you.

His chin tilts up, his mouth catching yours softly at first. His hands tighten on your waist, his lips slightly chapped and completely perfect against yours.

You think your knees might buckle, so you put your hands on his shoulders, thumbs digging into his skin, like you’re trying to make sure he’s real. You’re not sure how you manage to kiss him back but you do, and you hear the sharp intake of breath he takes when you push back.

The kiss doesn’t deepen, but it doesn’t have to. You can feel plenty in it already.

It’s not long before Hotch pulls away, leaning back in his chair and tilting his head to look up at you. He removes one of your hands from his shoulder and holds it in his.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” he says, his thumb running over your knuckles.

You look down at your feet, at his legs next to yours. The hand still on his shoulder falls to your side, suddenly feeling nervous.

“You’re right, I’m so-”

“But,” he stops your apology before you can say it. As if you’d ever need to apologize for kissing him. “I’d like to take you to dinner sometime. If you’d want that.”

You look back at his face, eyes searching. He smiles so softly at you, it’s the kind of smile you could only ever give someone you like in this way. Someone you like enough to kiss.

“I’d really like that, Hotch.”

“Good,” he stands, but his hands don’t leave you. “And sweetheart?”

“Hm?”

“Call me Aaron.”

When you test it out, he’s sure of it; his name on your lips is his absolute favorite sound.

༄

thank you so much for reading!!! please please consider reblogging if you enjoyed, it helps a whole bunch more than you’d think and would mean a lot!! <3

[septemberrie]

Hiiii, first of all THANK YOU (yes in capital letters) for writing Battle Lines. I've been reading Silrah fics since last year (many wonderful) but BL has become my favorite. While I wait for a new chapter I like to reread those already published and I am surprised because I find different nuances and details each time. Wow, you really are an admirable writer and have me completely obsessed with your writing!!

On the other hand, it makes me sad to think that this is 9/11 bc I really want more of this story 🥺

PD. Please tell me you'll update soon, I can't stop reloading the page waiting for a new chapter. 🙏

Hiiiii, first of all, thank YOU for this lovely message!! (Lol see what I did there) 🥰🥰 It means so much that you not only gave it a shot but are rereading it, too! I confess I did enjoy planting a couple details and easter eggs and I’m so glad you picked up on them, maybe when the fic is over I’ll make a post calling them out bc I’m quite proud of them 😅

Yes I can’t believe I’m getting to the end!! But don’t worry, the last two chapters are going to be very drama-packed and action-packed so rest assured there is a lot more to come for these two and I can’t wait for you to read. My writing has slowed down a bit because I have some personal busyness going on and I’m also trying to write some S2 missing scenes/fix its, but you did inspire me to write a bit more of the next chapter of this last night! 

Since I can’t give a good timeline of when it’s coming here’s a spoiler-ish snippet of the next chapter if you want to read (fair warning, it’s a draft and may change!):

“Right. You can feel, you’re just not allowed to discuss, address, or otherwise engage with it.”

She wasn’t going to let it go. Their argument from the morning was still unfinished, much as Saul wanted to move on because he knew she’d never step down from what she thought was expected of her as queen. Even in a time of war, even when she risked her life. He was a fool for thinking he had any sway to convince her. He was a fool for thinking that his recent confession meant he had any sway over her at all.

He tore his gaze away from her to examine the hotel room’s door lock again, finding it easier to speak the truth to the vacant wood than to the queen. “I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself.”

But when he turned back around it wasn’t to a softened queen but to one whose eyes flashed in not just irritation, but hurt.

“You do understand why that’s insulting to me, right? That falling in love with me is so repellent that you quit your job to escape me?”

She always knew just what to say to rip aside his carefully constructed posture and flay into the man underneath. “That’s not fair and you know it. I was hired for a job, to make you safe, and I cannot do that if I’m…” He stuttered “I’m—”

“Compromised,” she filled in, her lips a thin line. “You already said that.”

He swallowed. “It doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Do you always flee when it gets complicated? You left Sky, too.”

[freeuselandonorris]

3, 19, 20, 28 for the ao3 asks 🙂

hiiiii thank you!!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

ooourgh. this is actually really difficult, which is a nice problem to have! i’ve published 17 fics this year (18 if you could the inflation ficlet i haven’t got round to posting yet) so i have quite a lot to choose from!

i thinkkk it’s that one from work can come over on monday night, simply because it’s by far the longest thing i’ve ever written fic-wise, and i usually struggle so much to maintain momentum with multichapter fics (admittedly i haven’t finished it yet, so hopefully i don’t jinx it now 🫠). i’m also really proud of the world-building, if you can call it that — i’ve enjoyed putting in the tiny details to try to make it feel grounded in a version of reality adjacent to our own, and i’m also pleased with the way i’ve handled the emotions in it. i’ve been really focusing on striking a balance between the poor communication inherent in two guys who’ve been trained from a very young age not to show weakness, and the genuine desire for connection that impels them to actually fucking talk about stuff already jfc.

honorary mention to tasty. it’s only short, but i feel like i packed a lot in and i think there are some elegant turns of phrase in there. plus it made me broaden my horizons and try something new, having traditionally largely stayed away from fantasy-based kinks, so that was cool!

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

already answered here!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

i tend not to re-read my own fics THAT much because i find it hard to get past the fact that it was me wot did it, and so i just end up getting annoyed at myself for using the same word twice in the space of a paragraph or whatever, instead of just enjoying the scene.

having said that, i did re-read born and raised for the job, my horrible mick schumacher/toto wolff omorashi desperation/daddy kink/general unhealthy power dynamics opus quite a lot. this is mainly because i wrote that fic for an audience of two (me and you) and filled it with 90% of my cast-iron kinks (couldn’t fit CNC in but it’s got everything else).

i did also re-read a siren on the rocks calling you into the deep a few times because i quite like some of the subtle character work i did in it and also, it’s horny as fuck and so am i.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

tied between monday, born and raised for the job (for all the reasons outlined above) and playboy in the grotto, because it just felt very natural and vivid to me, and i feel like i caught something natural and quite sweet/filthy with them which i’m proud of, especially as it was my first fic for landoscar and i didn’t have a brilliant handle on their personalities at that point.

AO3 wrapped: writer’s edition

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

Hiiiii! Victoria, peony, homophobia please!

Two prompts to go my friends! (Sorry they've been so off schedule lol, I'm hoping to have the last one up tonight as well). Since my brain needed an even number and I've now posted 7 Julie POV fics, 7 Rose POV fics, 7 Flynn POV fics, and 7 Carrie POV fics, I decided to round off the last two with some special guests. Thanks to @a-tomb-with-a-view and @joyandthephantoms for rigging my inbox <3

This prompt takes place in a new au @joyandthephantoms and I have affectionately dubbed "homophobia." WARNING: HOMOPHOBIA. The gist is-- Ray Molina deserves to be an imperfect parent Sometimes and that means he needs to make mistakes and unlearn some things after he's hurt his children with them. Don't worry, he'll get there. Enjoy!

When Victoria gets home from a long day at the office, her niece is crying on the front porch.

“Ay, querida!” Victoria cries, getting out of the car immediately to rush over to her. “Julie, what’s wrong? What are you doing here?”

A quick once-over does nothing to clear up the situation. Julie doesn’t appear to be hurt— she’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt with a butterfly on it, and there’s no sign of blood on any of her exposed skin, no scraped knees or obviously broken bones. Just tears streaming down her face as she sits between the two patches of Victoria’s peony garden and a slight tremor to her hands as she tries to swipe them away.

“Julie, nena,” Victoria pleads, sitting down on the porch next to her so she can pull her niece into a hug. “Dime qué te pasa. Should I call your papi?”

“No,” Julie hiccups, shaking her head. “No, please, don’t— I told him I was going to the library to study, I— I don’t want him to know I’m here.”

Something sour burns in Victoria’s chest. She holds Julie tighter, even as her tone turns serious. “Julie, if you expect me to lie to your father, you better have a good reason.”

Julie sobs, clutching tightly to Victoria’s blouse, and then she says, “I told him I’m gay, Tía.”

Victoria goes very still. Her mind races with things to say— trying desperately to think of the right thing to say— because clearly however Ray reacted wasn’t what Julie needed to hear. “Okay,” she says finally. “That’s news, ¿sí?”

Julie sniffles, tense in Victoria’s embrace. “There’s this girl in my class… Dad kept asking me if there was a boy I wanted to take to the Freshman Social, but there isn’t a boy, and I— I know that’s not really something we’d ever talked about as an option for me, but I didn’t think he’d—”

She cuts herself off with a fresh round of tears, and Victoria doesn’t know what to do, so she just keeps holding her, shushing her gently, praying to God and Rose for patience and strength.

She tries not to hold any anger for Ray in her heart, not until she knows the whole story, anyway. He’s a good man and a good father. He’s also Catholic, from a smaller town and with older parents than Victoria and Rose’s. He’s not perfect. She can’t expect him to be.

“What did he say, mija?” she whispers, pressing her lips into Julie’s curls.

Julie takes a shaky breath. “He said what I was feeling was unnatural. Th-That I needed to stop thinking that way, that I shouldn’t tell anybody, that as soon as a nice boy came into my life, I’d change my mind. He said… He said Mami always wanted me to be safe and happy and I couldn’t be either if I chose that lifestyle.”

“Ay, Dios mío,” Victoria breathes, and gives up on patience. She and Ray Molina are going to have words.

“Tía,” Julie says, sniffling. “Would Mom be upset if she were still alive?”

“No,” Victoria promises. “No, nena, she’d be so proud of you. I’m certain of that. I’m so proud of you. You didn’t do anything wrong. And your papi will come around, too, okay? I’ll make sure of it.”

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @teenagedirtbag-dot-jpeg @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard @jatpfs 

[simplysimpingsimp]

Lmao here I am again requesting something. I love your writing and I was wondering if I could request (another) Inosuke x Male Reader scenario where someone is hitting on the reader? Perhaps the reader doesn’t even notice the flirting? You can decide! Thank you for your writing! Continue to be awesome!

Hiiiii !! Omg thank you so much for requesting again <3 I really appreciate and love that you’ve sent in another request :D this is such a funny and yet cute scenario especially because of how Inosuke is probably a jealous type but in a wholesome way ! Please enjoy and I’m sorry if I didn’t meet your expectations T^T!!

🌲—————————————————————🌲

🌲Strike 1,2,3

Inosuke x Male!Reader

Pronouns: he/him

TW: none !

🌲—————————————————————🌲

Inosuke had been following his beloved around a local village with a grimace on his face hidden by his boar mask. While it’s not that he didn’t want to be there, he simply did NOT want to be there.

Though it made his heart flutter to see the happy expression on his face, it made him feel a certain rage when women and even men would approach Y/n with what Inosuke interpreted as wanting to steal him away.

Inosuke would huff at the sight of Y/n simply talking it off like they weren’t trying anything. From the view of his innocent smile, it was more than clear that it was going over his head.

“Thank you so much for the welcoming,” the e/c eyed young man spoke sweetly to the young woman who had approached him, “It was nice to meet you.”

The young woman practically skipped away with a glittery aura and a bright blush on her cheeks.

“Wasn’t she sweet,” he mused sweetly as he held onto Inosuke’s arm, holding him close.

Inosuke scoffed as his face warmed at the feeling of his beloved holding onto him. The giddy feeling building up in his chest at the very notion of being touched by the one he revered as some sort of love angel.

“Is something wrong?” He questioned with curious eyes as he looked at the deep blue of the boar mask’s eyes.

“N-No!” Inosuke practically yelled, earning the attention of others on the street.

He hummed, ignoring the eyesight of onlookers, “There there,” he gently patted the smooth pelt of his boar mask earning a soft satisfied sound from Inosuke.

A young woman approached the pair with a certain sway in her walk. She was dressed in a gentle blue floral kimono with her dark hair down and flowing. Her eyes held a sultry look in the direction of Y/n that Inosuke couldn’t explain effectively but it made him angry. Her lips were curved in a smirk and painted a soft pink.

She practically pushed past Inosuke, and wrapped her arm around his beloved.

That was strike 1 for Inosuke. He clenched his fists, holding in the urge to pig assault and head butt her into space.

How dare she try to touch the God of Love and have the audacity to not acknowledge the great presence of the Lord of the Mountain?!

“No one ever told me that we would be having a handsome demon slayer stopping by,” her voice was elegant and smooth like a dark wine, her fingers elegantly caressing his face.

The obliviousness that was Y/n could only smile as he took a step away, gently prying off the woman, “We’re just dropping by to make sure everything is all clear here! And to get something to eat.”

She let out a soft giggle, her eyes half lidded as she maintained a smokey stare on Y/n.

Strike 2. Inosuke’s blood was beginning to truly boil at the sight of the woman caressing his beloved. He was comparing the scene internally to the memory of how wolves would approach adorable rabbits and devour them before they even had a chance to escape.

He watched the way the woman would cling onto Y/n, her temptress ways were completely flying over his head as the young man had an innocent smile on his face.

“It must be so difficult to be on the road,” she spoke softly, “Especially with that,” her sight traveled to Inosuke.

Strike 3. That was it for the feral boar young man.

“Get off him you hag or I swear I’ll rip your breasts off!!” He yelled as he practically shoved her off of him.

Before Y/n could speak, Inosuke had thrown him over his shoulder and ran off as if Muzan was chasing behind him.

“I-I-Inosuke pu-put me do-o-own,” Y/n yelled with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks. He spoke as best he could as Inosuke’s running and grip on his body was making it difficult for him to express himself.

Inosuke ran into the nearest forest, his panting sounding feral and wild. He set him down. With full sight of him, y/n witnessed steam being ejected from the nostrils of the snout of his mask.

Inosuke removed his mask, setting his mask down on the ground. A face of anger shown by the way his eyebrows were furrowed and his beautiful large eyes narrowed. His lips in the form of a scowl as he looked at Y/n’s confused expression.

“What is the matter wi-“ before he could finish his sentence Inosuke grabbed him by his shoulders, pulled him in and smashed his lips onto his. Their teeth clanked together but Inosuke could care less. He was still learning what different modes of affection were and all he could think to do was plant his lips on his just as Y/n had explained to him that it was an action of romantic love and affection.

It caught Y/n by surprise, but he gave in anyway. His arms wrapped around his neck, as he melted into the kiss. Inosuke’s body tensed beneath his touch, a clear sign that he didn’t know what to do next.

He pulled away, a scowl-like smirk on his face, “There now that hag won’t ever put her filthy hands onto you again,” his voice was proud and mighty as his arms wrapped around his beloved’s form tightly, “No one will ever flurth with you again or I’ll fight them, I swear!”

“There there Inosu- wait did you say flurth? Do you mean flirt?”

“Yeah! Monjiro and Monitsu explained to me what flurthing was and what’s called!” He yelled as his body became warm.

Y/n stifled a laugh, “It’s flirt, my love,” he laughed, “Fl-ir-t,” he sounded out.

“It’s flurthing now! I, the great lord Inosuke, am never wrong!” He huffed.

He laughed softly, gently kissing his cheek, “I thought she was just being really weird and touchy because I thought maybe the village was the comfortable with each other. Completely went over my head,” he smiled lightly at Inosuke.

E/c pools meeting the beautiful lime like color that was his irises.

Y/n’s hand gently found its way to Inosuke’s cheek, fingers gently caressing the soft skin of his delicate features.

Inosuke placed his hand over his, “I don’t want anyone ever taking you away! You’re mine and mine alone,” he had a shy smile on his face as his fingers caressed the soft skin of Y/n’s hands.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he smiled at the feral boar man.

His e/c eyes were glimmering with happiness and love. The very sight of his gaze made Inosuke’s heart flutter and the giddy feeling he adored and wanted more of build in his chest. His own green irises were shining beautifully with love.

Y/n lightly pecked his lips, before Inosuke pulled him back into a gentler kiss. His kiss felt deep and unsure in the sense that he was still learning and continuously improving. A warm blush dominated their cheeks as they pulled away, Inosuke pulling him into a tight hug again.

His embrace was sweet and adorable as he had finally gotten the hang of how to hug better. His hands gently petting Y/n’s h/c colored hair the way he would do to him, earning a soft laugh from him.

“I love you and only you, Inosuke.”

“I love you and only you too.”

ᴇɴᴅ

🌲—————————————————————🌲

ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ғᴏʀ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛɪɴɢ <3 ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ

ғᴇᴇʟ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴅᴇᴀs/ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛs/ᴀsᴋ/ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ!

sᴇᴇ ʏᴀʟʟ sᴏᴏɴ <3

[faithinlouisfuture]

Hello!

Let's have some fun!

Choose wisely!

Best EU/UK Show?

Best EU/UK Outfit?

Best EU/UK Tour Moment?

Best EU/UK Concert Moment?

Best EU/UK IGTV?

Best EU/UK Group Photo?

Best EU/UK Concert Photo?

Best EU/UK (Michael) TikTok?

Song that Stole the Show in EU/UK?

Best Team and Band Members from EU/UK?

Best Only The Poets Song?

Best UK Opening Act?

The Ultimate Questions:

NA or EU/UK?

Sun Room or Only The Poets?

Best Tour Setlist?

Photos, gifs, videos, links, and edits are very much welcome and appreciated.

Hiiiii I know I’m suuuuppeerrrr late on this but I wanted to answer properly!

Best EU/UK show

Bestie I will not be made to choose between Amsterdam, Milan and Donny so have all three please 🤍

Best EU/UK outfit

Obviously I have my top 10 all sorted & ready but since you insist on just best then nothing beats mustard mesh 🧡 (have these gifs cuz I couldn’t resist)

Best EU/UK tour moment

When he walked out on stage in mesh! Sorry I’ll stop. Hmm there’s way too many to just choose one. I enjoyed all the bigger moments of course but also the smaller ones like louies showering Louis with so many jerseys and hoodies he never has to shop again. All of the super super cute fan interactions! My favorite by far being the one where he pointed at the solo louie at barricade during Defenceless “I just wanna be loved by you” while they literally had their ‘your solo louies love you’ sign up! 🥲 And so much more really, I could probably write essays but I’ll spare everyone.

Best EU/UK concert moment

Ooohhh that’s really hard, there were so many amazing moments but I feel like my heart grew 369 sizes when he talked about being more proud of being in front of his home Donny crowd even though he’d just been in front of a sold out Wembley crowd the night before ��

But also can’t let this question go without mentioning the utter soul altering moment that was; Change at Łódź for the first time. Yeah I’m still not over it.

Best EU/UK IGTV

Tie between the one that was last shared and the Berlin/Prague one! x Some things I refuse to choose, have more than one!

Best EU/UK group photo

Tie again, are you even surprised at this point? Antwerp thanks to his entire band bullying him and Donny cuz of the entire crew being on stage with him, what a moment!

Best EU/UK concert photo

Once again there’s way too many, but this one’s pretty spectacular! Captures the essence of a Louis concert; beautiful lights and him being our because. (Sorry I don’t know who to credit for this though).

Best EU/UK tiktok (Michael)

The service station one. Matt was so done and such a mood!

Song that stole the show in EU/UK

By virtue of being the only one ‘not played at ltwt22’ before, it has to be Change/s

Best team and band member from EU/UK

The entire team is abso-fucking-lutely amazing! So that’s a hard one to choose. And same for the band, I couldn’t be happier with Louis’ band! (This would have been easier to answer if you’d asked worst instead of best; Whoever is managing LTHQ & Isaac)

Best OtP song

My personal favorite of theirs is Ceasefire, and Tommy’s reaction to the first time the fans held up lights for them for that is absolutely adorable.

Best EU/UK opening act

Only the Poets - to be fair though they’re the only ones who’s set I’ve watched, also they were insanely grateful and professional and very cute with the rest of the band and team so I have a soft spot for them

NA/Can leg OR EU/UK leg

Sun Room OR Only the Poets

Best Tour Set List - Version 5.0 LTWT22 Wembley, London because I’d rather have JHO on there, wish he’d take one of the 1D covers out. Fingers crossed for the LATAM leg🤞🏽

[nepenthendline]

hiiiii, your blog really feels like a safe space for me and I’m pretty sure other people because of how represented you make the readers feel, so thank you so much for your writing!! I was thinking if you’re comfortable could you please write some headcannons of tendou, suga, and kuroo w/ a s/o with selective mutism? thank you so much!!!!

Firstly I’m so glad you feel safe in this space!! And secondly I relate to this so much, I was selectively mute as a child and was offered a lot of speech therapy and even now I still struggle with it so I totally understand. I hope you like this and I did it well for you! I’m also going with a generalisation that you feel comfortable speaking in front of these boys when the two of you are in a safe space so I hope thats ok! 🥰🥰🥰 Also tendou’s is the longest bc its just so easy to write for him lol

S/O with selective mutism - Tendou, Sugawara and Kuroo

Tendou:

Tendou is your guy when it comes to dealing with selective mutism

he’s already so used to building a strong relationship with Ushijima, someone who doesn’t speak that often, that it doesn’t feel much different with you

he’s bold, he’s loud, he’s distracting - it’s the perfect combination to take the pressure of you

when he first met you at school and noticed that he had never once heard you speak, he thought you were just a shy, quiet one so he never really considered selective mutism

but as you two started getting closer and creating your relationship, he saw a whole new side of you that loved to chat, joke and sing with him

when you told him about your mutism, his reply was simply, “Ok cool!” and went on with his day - it doesn’t matter to him in the slightest

he does though, of course, ask you a lot of questions when the two of you are alone, cuddled up in his bed where you felt the safest to speak, about how it affects you, what situations/people/places trigger it and what he can do to help you

he WILL learn sign language with/for you if you want to or do use it, you never have to feel like you are burdening him with learning this - “it’s just like volleyball signals, right baby?” he says with the biggest grin on his face

if not full sign language, the two of you do develop non-verbal signs or cues so that, in times where you cannot speak, you can still communicate with him

uses a lot of stimulus fading - he knows it can be so hard for you to meet people and make friends, so slowly one-by-one, he introduces his teammates to you, first taking control of the conversation, then slowly pulling back as you get better and more comfortable at joining in

he starts of with Ushijima, as he feels he’s the least overwhelming, and makes sure the two of you meet in one of your safe spaces (probably his bedroom)

he does his best to distract the teacher from you whenever they want someone to answer a question in class or read out a passage

struggle with eye contact? no problem for him! he knows you’re listening and taking note of what he’s saying

if you’re someone who gets clingier in situations where you cannot speak then he relishes in the feeling of having you clutching onto his arm or hand - he knows you do it because you’re anxious but he just loves feeling your touch

if people make fun of you about it, or ask him about you, he makes a joke as though he has no idea what they’re talking about, “huh? my Y/N? too quiet? maybe you’re just hard of hearing?”

he will happily take over in social situations if you cannot do it yourself, whether that’s ordering for the two of you, or answering questions for you

he never wants you to feel like he’s just taking over though, he will always ask if you are up to speaking in different places or situations - he wants to hear you voice and give you situations where you can use it

he’s so so proud of you if you, eventually, speak in a situation you might not have done so before, he doesn’t expect sentences from you, but even if its just a quiet ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if he asks you a question

he can manage mood swings and any temper very well - he learns quickly what he needs to do and say in these moments and brings you to a safe space to let you relax for a while, he’s absolutely fine with having you stay quiet for a while after being in an anxious state

he’s amazing at reading you, so even if you cannot use non-verbal communication well during periods of mutism, he still learns how to tell what you are feeling or thinking

Sugawara:

as soon as you tell Sugawara about your selective mutism, he is instantly looking it up and finding out all about it

while Tendou takes a more lax approach to helping you, Sugawara is a lot more serious and structured

he will sit down with you in a safe space and ask you to let him know what he can do to help you, when the mutism is present and why, and of anything he should know

he has lists of your safe spaces and people so that he can refer to them if needed

he works on making a particular date-spot a safe space for you, maybe a certain cafe you two enjoy where he will slowly break down your fear in the place and encourage small bits of communication with you

he does his best to slowly integrate verbal communication into your relationship, such as sending you voice memos rather than texts or videos of him talking so you can get used to his communication style

he’ll keep an eye on you often in public places, especially in class, to know if you need anything, need to go to the bathroom, how you are feeling, in case you cannot bring it up yourself - the last thing he wants is for you to get ill because you were not able to express an issue

Sugawara is able to come up with a few signals with you for basic communication in case you need to ask or say something when you cannot speak - he wants to make sure that, even if it’s not verbal, that you have a voice somehow

he does his best to learn how different places or people affect you and always keeps in mind each different situation’s severity for you - he will make sure the two of you avoid areas where you cannot cope well at all to the point of struggling to move or use non-verbal communication

it takes him a little while to learn your ways of non-verbal communication - at first it’s a lot of guessing until he gets it right, but he gets there eventually with you help

he never gets frustrated with you, he is there to help and guide you and has no problem taking the lead

he’s the most likely to ask if you’ve considered therapy to help with your mutism

it’s not that it bothers him in the slightest, but he knows it is usually caused or brought on by extreme anxiety or other disorders, and he wants to make sure you are happy over anything else

he praises you when you communicate, but he never treats you any differently or acts surprised - he tells you that you’ve done well and that he’s proud but he does his best not to make a big deal out of it

Kuroo:

Like Tendou, he’s quite familiar with people who don’t talk much

while Kenma does speak more freely than you, Kuroo is aware and deals well with his anxieties, and can use this knowledge with you too

he knows well that you don’t talk sometimes because you can’t, or because you are too afraid, rather than because you just don’t want to, so he will never pressure you into talking

Kuroo is the best at stimulus fading - he will slowly acclimatise you to different people or situations by taking full control, then giving you little prompts to join in until he can step back and let you communicate without the need for them

he’s quite good at reading your non-verbal communication, even if its quite different from others and learns quickly what certain movements or signals mean

he likes to get you more prepared for talking by using familiarity techniques, such as reading a book aloud to you and, every now and then, asking you to read a line or a couple words back to him, or asking you to tell him about your interests since he knows they’re safer topics for you

quiet time between the two of you is no problem for him - he enjoys being in silence with you so, even if you are fully comfortable talking with him when its just the two of you, he knows you might need some time where you don’t talk if you’ve had a particularly anxious day

he likes to play games with you to try and strengthen your non-verbal communication without the need for you to talk - things like charrades or guessing games where you can act things out if you feel comfortable enough to do so

he’s a smart guy, so if you’re struggling with your school work but cannot ask the teacher for help, he is prepped with notes and study sessions together

also, if you have a school project that requires you to present in some way, he is very good at coming up with alternative ways of you being about to show your work with limited talking

he thinks therapy would be a good idea for you to look into, but he won’t bring it up often - it’s your choice how you want to battle this and he will be with you every step of the way no matter what

he understands it can be very frustrating for you so he takes a lot of time out with you to help you destress and manage your emotions, this includes writing out how you are feeling to try and make sense of them and making sure you are taking care of yourself

he tries his best to make light of the situation as he doesn’t want you to feel weird or out of place

this includes a lot of teasing Kenma about how he’s ‘even quieter than you’ when you’re doing particularly well at your communication

facing fears is a really big thing for him to do with you - he understands that you often may think ‘if I don’t do this thing/go to this place, I won’t have to speak’, so he always reminds you he will be by your side in case you need to rely on him

[ajokeformur-ray]

I was thinking maybe if (J x Pat x Reader) made/had dinner together?

Katieeee ~ 🥰💛🥰 hiiiii, darling!!!!😊 I had so much fun writing this! I hope that you enjoy it. It’s been a while since I wrote for the Ledger!OT3 so you’ll have to forgive anything rusty.

Please send @loveletterstoledger some love, she was so kind to read this over for me while it was being written and to tell me if these men were in character. I love you so much, angel!💙

Word count: 1, 714.

When you had somewhat jokingly said to J several days ago that you liked to live dangerously and that you wished you could do it more often...

... This hadn’t been what you had had in mind.

In fact, if you had known that this was what J had been planning, you would have backpedalled so fast out of that conversation that you would have slipped off the proverbial cliff.

You had been exhausted lately; everything was just too much and so overwrought were you that you barely had the energy to even think about making dinner for the three of you, let alone to actually do it.

You opened the freezer, sifted the contents around, and tried to concentrate on making a list of what you needed more of. 

You liked to do multiple things at once to at least give yourself the feeling of being put together,

But control is an illusion, this you knew, as did J.

So when you dropped the bag of frozen peas because the grip in your fingers suddenly went slack and you didn’t respond to Pat’s gentle calling of your name, J knew that you needed to give up the illusion for one night.

Enough was enough and if there was one thing J didn’t tolerate, it was you suffering in any kind of way.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Pat tried to get your attention once more and you seemed to finally register him as you nodded.

“What? Yeah, just - tired, is all. M’fine.”

You relinquished your grip on the bag of peas and Pat scoffed, his dark brows furrowed.

He, too, couldn’t abide even the idea of you suffering. Keeping you safe and healthy and happy was the one thing which held he and J together, most especially because you knew how to break through Pat’s tendency to jump to the defense quickly, and you could see through J’s attempts to put those very walls up in the younger man.

And love... Oh, there was so much of it between the three of you that sometimes did it feel like a fourth presence in the room, watching over the three human inhabitants and giving them a safe and homely feel when they three were all together at the end of a long day.

Pat shook his head in disbelief. He shot J a look over your shoulder and the elder man shrugged. 

Despite his casual attitude, however, J’s chocolate gaze was pinned on you. He didn’t like this. not one bit.

“You’re not fine. Come here, love.” With one hand on your elbow, Pat reached across the room and somehow grabbed a chair. He pulled it towards you and looked at you expectantly.

When you didn’t immediately react, Pat huffed again and pointedly - but with care - pushed down on your shoulder with the hand that had been wrapped around your elbow. “Sit down before you fall down, Y/N. You’re exhausted. When was the last time you went to sleep?”

“Last night. Haven’t been sleeping well, but I have been sleeping. I’m fine, Pat.”

J had been watching this exchange quietly. He said nothing, but he took in Pat’s tender frustration, your exhaustion and your obvious want for a night for your two loves by your side, where they belonged.

“You, ah - ya’ still want a taste of danger, doll?” 

You eyed J warily but he remained undeterred.

“Why don’t, ah - why don’t the kid and I make dinner, hm? Ya’ can sit and - “ J waved a hand around like he was trying to conjure the words up out of nowhere, “look pretty.” You sat there staring at J in disbelief and he nodded in approval. “Ya’ a natural!” 

You felt your face heat up in a blush at the easy compliment and J’s eyes seemed to deepen as he stood there looking at you, exhausted but still trying to function at your usual level.

You were a strong one; he had taught you that, and he was proud of you.

If J got his way, then dinner would be some paper takeaway menus and a phone call.

But Pat was a natural caregiver and you were worried enough as it was.

The last thing the younger of the two men wanted you to worry about was where the money for the takeaway was going to come from, and so he resolved to make you something.

It had been J’s idea and so the clown was going to help, whether he wanted to or not. 

There was nothing Pat wouldn’t do for you and in truth was J much the same. 

Though the two men were quite different, you were their common interest and the glue which held them together. 

This night was your comfort paramount, so exhausted were you and so desperately did you not even want to have to worry about even the small things.

With the decision made, J began to open cupboards, his eyes scanning the contents before he moved onto the next cupboard, not shutting anything, and Pat swore under his breath and began to move up behind J.

Pat pulled bits and pieces from the cupboards as he went, “J, will you stop? We’re meant to be helping, not create more mess!”

J grunted in acknowledgement that Pat had spoken and the younger man correctly translated the noise to be one of agreement, though J went no further.

He did, however, pointedly slam a cupboard door shut, making Pat clench his jaw against saying something as he began to put a meal together for the three of you. 

The peas you had grabbed earlier, some pasta (catered to any dietary restrictions or choices you had), some spices... a few more things from the freezer...

It had meant to be a group effort to make dinner but what ended up happening was that J leaned against the counter beside the oven top and made sassy comments with his arms folded over his eccentrically covered chest, and you approached Pat once steam began to curl up from the various saucepans and frying pans to wrap your arms around his waist.

You curled into Pat and he hummed, tipping his head back distractedly to awkwardly press a kiss to the nearest parts of you he could reach. 

Pat was fully focused on making dinner and his dark brows were furrowed as he taste tested and then chucked the used teaspoons into the sink. A double dipper he was not.

“Dinner’s ready. J, can you - “

Before Pat had finished speaking, you pulled away from him and J had, already in his hands, three plates. 

And so it continued that at the point where Pat would ask for something, J had already done it, and you realised that J hadn’t just been tormenting Pat.

He had been keeping the younger man company, observing how he cooked and how he preferred his food, and making sure that Pat didn’t hurt himself as he prepared dinner.

J cared and it made your heart swell in your chest at how subtle J’s affections were unless one knew how to look for them.  

Pat noticed, too, and as he grabbed two plates to take them over to the table, he casually kissed J’s cheek. “Getting soft in your old age, J?”

“Care-ful, kid-do,” J’s words were soaked in amusement - he enjoyed the banter as much as Pat did. “This old man’s not slow.”

You three sat at the table and Pat kept an eye on you as you both ate; J, for his part, was more preoccupied with keeping an eye on his younger partners. 

He wasn’t all that hungry, anyway, and he had seen some poptarts in the cupboard... 

To J’s relief, his younger partners had eaten, and he felt a part of himself, a part he liked to hide and otherwise deny even to his own self, become relieved to know that the people he chose to spend his precious time with were taking care of themselves - even if your own hand had been forced.

“Thank you for dinner, Pat,” Instead of simply getting up and starting with the dishes, you sat further forward and wrapped your arms around Pat’s neck. 

“You’re welcome, Y/N.” Pat kissed the side of your head and then you turned to the side, slowly unfurling your arms from around Pat and throwing yourself at J, who let you clamber onto his lap before his arms slinked around your waist like a sleepy boa constrictor; ensnared were you by all that the clown was, all that he had ever been and all that he would ever be.

“Someone’s sleepy, hm?”

You nodded, wanting to just... sink into royal purple and charcoal grey and to never again resurface. 

The heartbeat which pounded strongly in your ear was the lullaby which was sending you closer to a threshold consciousness, and you jolted upwards.

You had gotten so good at catching your own fall over the years.

J’s large, hot hand smoothed over the expanse of your back. He didn’t want to let you go, but he knew that you were close to giving in to your exhaustion and the dinner table was not the place for it.

“Here, Pat - let me do the dishes because you cooked.”

You made your way over to the sink with the dishes in your hands and once again did it seem as though Pat and J had a conversation over your shoulder, for the decision was not yours to make.

“A-ta-ta, no.” J seized the plates from you and dumped them in the sink. “Leave ‘em.”

You knew what J was trying to say: the dishes could wait. You, J’s greatest priority alongside Pat, couldn’t.

“Don’t be shocked, but - “ Pat wrapped an arm around you and tugged you into his side, “I’m with J on this one. Dishes can wait.”

Your eyes turned from one chocolate gaze to the other as exhaustion truly swept you up into its current.

Only Pat’s hold on you prevented you from being carried away by it and all you could say was, “cuddle pile?”

Pat’s grin made your heart drop to your stomach and J’s smirk made it melt.

HL OT3: @tsukiakarinobara    @1-800-dead-inside  @antonija89  @hotpacino @call-me-harley-quinn @devilshyenaaa

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Amadeus Cho x Cage!Reader

Anon Asked:  Hiiiii can you please do a “Amadeus x Luke Cage sister” pleaseee

You met Amadeus at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy

You didn’t want to be there but Luke insisted it would be a good place as any to learn how to use your powers responsibly

Since he never let you do the hero business before

You were genetically enhanced, like your brother, by your parents when Zodiac attacked your plane

You have the ability to mimic the skills of any animal that you touch

For example, if you touch a bunny, you have enhanced hearing and you can jump really high

If a snake, you can poison someone and have the speed and agility of a snake

So, on and so forth

You can also speak to animals

Amadeus thinks it’s an incredibly stupid power to have because you don’t have a guarantee that you’ll find an animal in the middle of a fight

“Oh really? Well, I guess the word of Tony Stark’s and Spiderman’s love child is law around here!”

“Love child?!”

Your parents have no idea where you get your sass from

They blame Luke and he’s secretly very proud

Danny is like your honorary big brother so you end up spending a lot of time with him

So, does Amadeus

And he hears about how annoying each of you are from the other

But he never says anything because he likes to hear it

Then one day you get paired to go together on a mission on a remote island

It was to find a server that had gone offline and reboot it on the island

Since they had no idea where it would be on the island, they needed someone who could work well in nature and then they needed someone who was smart enough to reboot it remotely

The two of you were the perfect fit for the mission

Neither of you is pleased 

“Why her?”

“Because we needed someone who would work suitably in natural conditions.”

“Then send me with squirrel girl, Spiderman! Anybody but her!”

“You’re no picnic either, Cho! I swear once we get on that island, I’m going to ask a crocodile to eat you!”

That’s how you get sent off, while arguing

And you arrive while arguing too

So much so that you asked a seagull to poop on his head

Amadeus was not pleased

“Just be glad I didn’t ask the crocodiles.”

He tries to undermine you in the beginning, telling you that he’ll find it himself but then realizes he’s in over his head

“Back so soon?” You asked leisurely while sunbathing in the sand

“I can’t find it.”

“Surprising.”

“You know this is your mission too!”

“And you said I was just in your way so I stepped aside to let you do your job.”

“Alright! I’m sorry! Will you help me now?!”

You ended up asking a very polite snake and she led you right to it

Since then, Amadeus looks at you in a new light

As in he actually pays attention to you

And he realizes that you’re pretty cute

Thus, the pining begins

Luke hates it when you date anybody and hates it even more when guys have a crush on you

“Iron Spider, are you staring at my sister?”

Cue everybody staring at him and his face turns red

“Sir, your heart rate has sped up significantly, would you like me to alert the med bay?”

He’s so embarrassed that he can’t even look at you and instead just speeds out of the room

So quickly that he almost missed you saying

“Pick me up at 8!”

You two become the cutest couple

And also, the only couple

Everyone begins feeling old and alone because they’re all older than you

Now Amadeus as a boyfriend means having the personification of awkward as your boyfriend

Boy has no experience whatsoever

And that might be the same case for you

But you’re so tired of his blushing every time you even grab his hand that you’ve become bolder

So, you hold his hand first

Hug him first

Take the lead in practically everything in your relationship

And it made him feel a little insecure about it

So, he was the one who kissed you first

It wasn’t a huge romantic gesture or anything

More like a peck goodbye

But it was right in front of everybody

And even though you were already flustered enough, Amadeus has the audacity to wink before taking off because your brother is chasing him

Don’t let him fool you though

He was having a heart attack in his suit

One thing that surprised you about him was that he loves to cuddle

Loves

Loves

LOVES it

But you don’t have much opportunity for it since you have shared dorms and you would rather not be romantic with an audience

So once the two of you snuck away early and skipped dinner

People were betting that you were making out in a broom closet

But everyone came back to the dorms to find you tucked underneath his chin, in his bed

 Luke almost has an aneurysm

The rest of them are so amused that Luke is losing his mind over his little sister dating somebody

Another thing that Amadeus surprised you with was that he enjoyed stargazing

And while you liked that he was excited about something that wasn’t science

Sneaking you off in the middle of the night to look at the sky was not exactly what you liked

So, you ended up cuddling on a blanket on the roof of the academy, listening to him blabber about constellations while you fell asleep

And then he wakes you up so you can watch the sunrise together

One thing leads to another and you guys spend the rest of the day together, away from the academy

And then come back to look at the stars and fall asleep on the roof

Everyone except Luke knows where the two of you have been 

But no one tells him because it’s fun to watch him panic

You return after sunrise and Luke is a step away from breaking Amadeus like a twig

“You are grounded young lady!”

“Wha—? You can’t ground me?! You’re not my dad!”

“Then—Then!”

“Then what?!”

“I’m telling mom!”

And that’s why your parents end up flying to the academy to meet your boyfriend

Mom is practically overjoyed that you have a boyfriend and that she can finally have those days where you talk about him and Dad thinks he’s a fine young genius

Luke to this day says that they betrayed him

In the end, Luke only loosens up after he realizes that this was serious

“Okay, you have my blessing.”

“We’ve been dating for two years, Luke.”

“Okay fine then! Don’t have my blessing!”

Amadeus loves you like crazy and would die before he let anything happen to you

And everyone knows he’s whipped for you

Even though he likes to pretend he isn’t

[maraudersftw]

hellooooo! 8 and 31 from the writer asks please, should you feel like doing them! (also hiiiii :) )

Oh look, it’s the light of my life! Hello, you <3

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I could never pick something like this lmao. I’m sure no matter what I mention here, I’m still gonna think I’ve passed up on something better. But here you go, one angsty serving from Watch Me Unwind:

James breathed deeply, his eyes hardening. “Well that’s—okay, then.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“Why should I?” He said, voice soft but laced with a definite undercurrent of anger. “It’s all fine and great when you hide things from me, but I have to lay out everything in plain sight for you, Evans?”

Lily scowled, indignation sparking in her chest. “I’ve never hidden anything from you. I’ve been very clear since the beginning and—and I wish I could say the same for you.”

His loud, bitter scoff shocked her. “Clear? Are you kidding me, Lily? You’ve always had me dancing around you because I’m never sure about what you’re thinking.”

“At least I wasn’t the one who sauntered in draped across another man’s arms, was I?” She fumed, suddenly uncaring about how pathetic and obvious she was being. “If there’s someone here who’s been unclear, James, it’s not me.”

“She wasn’t draped—”

“Well, it was certainly not platonic! You made sure I knew that.”

“I thought you didn’t have a problem with Alice.”

“Is that what this is then?” There was that tell-tale pricking behind her eyes again, “Some sort of ridiculous test to make me look pathetic? Do you want me to admit that I feel jealous and unwanted? Is that it?”

James’s fist clenched against his steering wheel as he stared at her. “Stop it. You know that’s not true.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” She said, stepping out of the car and walking away.

“Lily!”  

I think I’ll always have a soft spot for those angsty fights Jily get into right before the crashing down happens, because that just makes the resolution that much sweeter, doesn’t it? The dialogue and the anger here is very back-and-forth and quick, and I like how rapidly it spiralled into something neither of them wanted. Lily storming away at the end was very easily transitioned into, so I love it. 

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

Ha! Canon can kiss my ass because it was needlessly cruel to basically all my favourite characters. That being said, I do enjoy a good canon fic (such as Bond and Free ;)) as long as Jily doesn’t die in the end because yes, I am but a weak heart. I’m not daring enough to write a canon-compliant multichapter myself because I’ve read so many of them that I’m sure nothing will be original. So I save that universe for drabbles and one-shots. AUs are generally my jam. 

Ask me from this list

[bethd0456]

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

[fanficshiddles]

His ray of sunshine, Chapter 3

Keira’s first full day in her new pack was a quiet one. She spent a lot of the time outside, sketching in her sketch book some of the beautiful scenery.

Jessica spent the day with her, they ate lunch outside too. Keira couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have such freedom in the outdoors. She only hoped that she would stay… that Tom would pick her.

Tilda managed to keep Lucy away from Keira for most of the day. Though it wasn’t a pleasant task being with the omega, she knew it was for the best with how she was acting towards Keira.

-

Tom, Michael and Jeremy had gone out to get some supplies in.

‘You imprinted on Keira, didn’t you?’ Jeremy asked Tom on the car journey back. Michael was driving, Tom was in the passenger’s side and Jeremy in the back.

Tom glanced over his shoulder at him and nodded.

‘That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’ Jeremy said happily.

‘Yes and no.’ Tom sighed.

‘What do you mean?’ Jeremy frowned.

‘I still have to wait a week before I can claim her. Imprinting doesn’t change that. And in that time, it means that Ben has more time to get to know Keira too.’ Tom growled.

‘Ah… Well, we just need to keep Ben and Lucy away from Keira until you can finally claim her and we can send Lucy on her way. Can smell her a mile away.’ Jeremy scrunched his nose up.

‘Where did Idris find her, anyway?’ Michael asked.

‘She’s the daughter of one of his old school friends pack member. Apparently, his friend begged for her to join ours.’ Tom explained.

‘We will need to contact them and ask for her to return.’ Michael said.

‘I’d be surprised if she’s allowed back. They were so quick and happy to get rid of her when I went to collect her.’ Jeremy said.

‘Shit.’ Michael and Tom both said at the same time.

When the three Alphas returned home, they saw Keira, Jessica and Luke by the lake. Luke was fishing and showing Keira how to do it.

While they were unloading the car, Tom noticed Ben sitting outside of his cabin, watching Keira down by the lake. Tom glared at him, knowing he was no doubt going to have competition for the young omega. He wasn’t looking forward to that.

‘Don’t worry. We will try and keep Ben away from her.’ Michael said to Tom, patting his back.

‘Even once I claim her, he will still want her. That never goes away. Not with Alphas like him.’ Tom grumbled.

‘Think you’re going to have to fight him?’ Jeremy asked.

‘It’s very likely.’ Tom nodded.

Keira had heard the car return and she sensed Tom’s presence in the area. She looked over her shoulder and saw him carrying boxes into the storage shed. He glanced in her direction and gave her a wave, making her blush as she waved back.

‘HIIIII!’ Lucy suddenly jumped on front of Tom, startling him slightly as he had been so focused on looking at Keira.

‘Hi, Lucy. How are you today?’ He asked kindly.

‘Really good. I’ve missed you.’ She moved in closer to him, into his space.

Tom internally rolled his eyes, she had only been here one night. He held himself together as he went back to the car to grab another box. Making sure to use it to his advantage by putting some distance between himself and Lucy.

He then decided it would be best to just rip the bandage off, so to speak. ‘Look, Lucy. You should know, Keira and I have imprinted.’

Lucy’s eyes widened and she looked up at the Alpha, saying nothing at first. Then the scent of anger and jealously filled the air.

Michael and Jeremy shared an oh shit look together.

‘But it’s not confirmed until the week is over… You might not get along well. She might be horrible, you don’t know her yet.’ Lucy said quickly, then stormed away to the cabin she was staying in.

‘Well... that could’ve gone better.’ Jeremy uttered to Tom as he walked past him with another box.

Tom’s jaw clenched while he glared after Lucy storming away. It was going to be a long week, that was for sure.

Once he was finished with unloading the boxes, he asked Michael and Jeremy to slip into conversation with Ben that he and Keira had imprinted. Hoping that might help to stop Ben from pursuing Keira.

At dinner time, they were having another barbecue, it was a regular occurrence there. 

Keira hadn’t seen Tom since afternoon when he was unloading the boxes. But she was sitting on the decking again with some of the others when she felt a weird tingling sensation run down her spine. Then she felt a presence behind her, and Tom sat down next to her.

‘Hello, little one.’ He purred, smiling at her.

‘Hi!’ She squeaked, blushing furiously. She never realised her senses could be that strong to sense him there.

‘Have you had a good day? Has Jessica and Luke been looking after you?’ He asked, glancing at Luke when he handed him a beer.

‘Yes, thank you. Luke taught me how to fish earlier. And we had a lovely picnic in the sun. It’s so nice being outside here.’ She smiled brightly.

She reminded Tom of the shining sun. Her smile was so bright and seemed to make everyone around her smile too. Well, aside from Lucy who obviously disliked her… a lot.

‘I’m glad you’re enjoying it. You mentioned last night that you used to enjoy running. Would you like to join me tomorrow morning for a run?’ He offered.

Keira’s eyes lit up. ‘Yes, please. I would love to.’ She smiled.

‘Great. If you’re up for six am, I’ll come get you.’

‘Sounds good.’ Keira nodded eagerly.

-

The following morning, Keira was up and ready by six. Jessica was still sound asleep, so Keira made sure she was quiet while she got ready so as not to disturb her.

Before Tom even knocked gently on the door, she could sense that he was there. When she opened it, she felt her stomach twirl. He was wearing a black t-shirt and black shorts too. Showing off all his muscles and making her mouth water slightly.

Tom felt the same gazing upon Keira. She was wearing shorts too and a vest top. Showing off more skin than he had seen so far.

‘Good morning, little one.’ He smiled. ‘Ready to go?’

‘Morning. Yep, I’m ready.’ She nodded.

Tom reached out for her hand and she took it without hesitation. Her hand felt tingly when she held his. His hold was strong and comforting.

They walked away from the cabins and to the side of the lake. Tom then turned to Keira and smiled. He reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

‘At least we can get some alone time too, now. I’m sorry for the way Lucy is being around you. If it wasn’t the law, she would’ve been out of here by now.’

‘Really?’ Keira’s eyes widened. It was one thing other people telling her that Tom liked her, but hearing this kind of talk from him himself was something else entirely.

‘Of course. Do you not feel our connection?’ He asked.

‘I… I do. But I wasn’t sure if it was just attraction from my side towards you.’ She said shyly and looked down to where their hands were still linked.

Tom rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

‘You are incredibly sweet, Keira. Now, let’s warm up.’ He reluctantly let go of her hand so they could stretch to get started.

Then they started running. Keira was fast, but with Tom’s long legs he had to slow down for her. They took it easy down the length of the lake, and they carried on down the track. Keira wouldn’t have been able to go further if she hadn’t been with Tom.

When they were further down the track, through the trees, they slowed to a gentle jog.

‘Doing alright?’ Tom asked her as they jogged by a field full of horses, that distracted Keira for a moment.

‘Yep, thanks!’ She said breathlessly. ‘Just… been a while since I’ve ran properly.’

Tom slowed right down to a walk and so did Keira.

‘We can just walk for a while, if you wish.’

‘Thank you. I hope I’m not holding your daily run up.’ She said sheepishly.

‘Not at all. It’s nice to have company.’

The two talked about their various interests, and Tom told Keira a bit about how the pack ended up living where they do. It was obvious to Keira that Tom was proud of his achievements as leader, and that he had worked hard too.

Eventually the two jogged back to the lake. Everyone seemed to be up and on the go by the time they returned, it was just after eight.

Lucy was outside eating breakfast with Tilda and Idris when Tom and Keira came back. She glared at them, but they ignored her and Tom walked Keira back to her cabin.

‘I’ll see you later, little one.’ He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaving to go back to his own cabin.

Jessica was making breakfast inside when Keira entered. ‘Morning! Did you enjoy your run with Tom?’

‘I did. It was nice to get to know him more. Can I help with anything?’ Keira looked around to see if there was anything she could do.

‘Nope, you go and relax. I’ve got this.’ Jessica assured her.

Later that day, Keira was sitting outside on the grass on front of the cabin, reading a book. Ben saw this as the perfect opportunity to try and get her on side.

Keira had been so engrossed in the story, that she never heard or saw Ben approach until the light from the sun was blocked by him standing on front of her. She looked up, slightly startled when she saw who it was.

He grinned. ‘Hello there, Keira. May I join you?’ He motioned next to her.

She didn’t want to be rude, so she nodded and put her book down on her lap.

Ben sat down on the grass next to her, a bit too close for her liking. She’d overheard Jessica speaking earlier to Tilda about how they were going to try and keep Ben away from her, until Tom had claimed her at least.

And there was just something niggling at her about Ben that made her on edge.

‘What are you reading?’ He asked, looking to the book in her lap.

‘Coriolanus. Tom lent it to me to read. It’s really good, I don’t know why I haven’t read it before.’

Ben raised an eyebrow. ‘Shakespeare?’

‘Yes.’ Keira nodded.

‘Pff. You shouldn’t be wasting your time reading that. In-fact, you shouldn’t be wasting your time reading at all... Would you join me for a walk?’ He offered.

‘Uhm, no thank you. I went for a run this morning, my legs are kind of regretting it. As it’s been a while.’ She said quietly, looking down and hoping he would leave her alone.

‘You know, Tom may be the leader. But he is not as rich as I am.’ Ben boasted. ‘I can offer my omega whatever she wishes, nothing is too expensive.’

Keira frowned. From what she had seen, she knew that Tom didn’t have any issue at all in regards to money. It wasn’t a secret that all the leaders received a hefty sum of money from the government. The stronger the leader, the more money they got. Especially when they aided other packs and helped to keep the peace.

She didn’t really know what to say or how to respond to his comment. Was she supposed to be impressed? Money didn’t do that for her anyway.

Ben could tell she was uneasy around him, but it didn’t stop his want of her.

He reached out and put his hand on her forearm, making her extremely uncomfortable.

‘BEN!’ Luke roared from near the lake, having spotted Ben getting touchy with Keira.

Ben’s jaw clenched in anger as he looked down towards him.

‘Get your hands off her. You know the rules!’ Luke growled as he stormed over towards them. ‘And you can clearly smell you’re making her uncomfortable, you idiot!’

He grabbed Ben’s upper arm and hauled him up to his feet. Ben stood up and moved right into Luke’s space, squaring up to him threateningly. But Luke just squared up right back at him, glaring at him down his nose.

‘Then why is Tom’s smell on her?’ Ben hissed.

‘Because he’s the leader and gets first pick. You know the rules.’ Luke snarled.

‘Enough, guys!’ Michael said, rushing over, having smelt the threatening pheromones between Ben and Luke in the air.

He forced himself between the two Alphas and glared at Ben until he walked away, sulking.

‘He touched her.’ Luke said angrily.

‘Are you alright?’ Michael turned to Keira, and she nodded. ‘Why don’t you go back inside to Jessica?’

Keira nodded and went inside, feeling sick and worried that she was causing all of the tension between the Alphas. She had never meant to.

Michael sighed and ran a hand down his face once he saw his niece was safely inside.

He turned back to Luke. ‘Stopping him was the right thing to do, but we don’t want a fight on our hands. I fear there is already going to be one anyway.’

[glenncoco4]

Zing

A/N: So it’s been awhile. This is a part of my Our Younger Selves story and I’m considering making it it’s own story. Tell me what you think!

XXXX

She watches as the little brunette beauty runs down the aisle towards her with a shaggy haired might she say quite handsome man in tow. “Mommy! Mommy! Did you see me?!”

Pride shines in her eyes as she bends down wrapping up the tiny brunette that is her whole world in her arms. “Yeah, I saw you, baby. You did an awesome job! I’m so proud of you.” She places a kiss to her daughter’s cheek and turns her attention towards the blonde man. “Hi, I’m Kensi Blye.”

He takes her offered hand. “Hi, it’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Blye. I’m Marty Deeks.”

She sends him a smile. “It’s so nice to meet you, too. Chloe can’t stop talking about you and how fun Mr. Marty’s class is. And it’s Kensi.”

Returning her smile with one of his own, he nods. “Well, she’s a pretty special girl. But you already know that.”

They both look over at the sound of giggling erupting from the little girl being chased by a brown haired boy. Smiles lighting up both their faces at the scene before them then turning back to continue their conversation, something unexpected happens. 

As mismatched chocolate orbs meet those of cerulean blues the term Zing is the only word that makes sense. 

Shaking her herself out of her daze, she tries to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Chlo, time to go.”

The little girl pouts as she walks over to her mother. “Mommy, I don’t want to go.”

“Okay, I guess that ice cream will have to eat itself then.”

At those words the mini version of herself runs over, taking her hand. “You’re welcome to join us Mr. Deeks.”

“Yeah, Mr. Marty, come with us!”

He shares a look with Chloe and then looks back towards her mother. “Yeah, okay. Just let me lock up and I’ll meet you guys in the parking lot.”

The brunette and blonde laugh as the exuberant six year old jumps for joy. “Yay!”

XXXX

As the three walk out to their cars, Kensi feels a tug on her arm. Looking down she sees the pleading look in her daughter’s deep brown eyes. “Okay. Okay.”

“Marty.” She hopes he can’t hear the hesitancy in her voice.

Stopping in his tracks, he turns towards the duo, giving them his full attention. “Yeah?” 

“Chloe was wondering…..” She feels the tug on her arm once again. “We were wondering if you’d like to come to our house for lunch tomorrow.”

The smile that lights up his face is all she needs to know. “Can I bring anything?”

“Just yourself. We got the rest covered, right, Chlo?” Kensi looks down at her beaming daughter.

“Right!”

He tries to stay calm, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach is making it very hard to do. “Alright. Great! I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

XXXX

He takes a deep breath, smoothing out his clothes to make sure he’s as presentable as necessary. Bringing his fist up, he knocks on the door twice before he hears what he can only assume is Chloe’s bare feet hitting the floor as she runs to the door. 

“Hi, Mr. Marty!”

“Hey there, Chloe.” He gives her a smile. 

“Puppy!” His attention turns away from the little girl towards his trusty sidekick. 

He smiles as she runs forward, running her hands through his hair. Looking back up at the sound of another pair of foot steps his brain turns to jelly when he sees the tall vision dressed in red walk towards him. “This is Mon….Monty.”

“Hi, Marty.”

Words. What are words? “Hhh…hiiiii. Hi, Kens.” He gathers himself, hoping he’s not making a complete fool of himself. “You look beautiful.” 

Shocked at his words and the butterflies that erupt within her stomach, she gives him a shy smile. “Thank you.”

They make no move to break their locked gaze. Eyes dancing with something neither of them have felt before. They’re finally broken out of their trance when a barking Monty drags an exuberant little girl through the front door. 

“Come in.”

As they walk through the door he becomes a little more nervous than before. “I hope it’s okay that I brought him. I thought Chloe would enjoy it and Monty needs to get rid of some of the what little energy he has.”

She walks into the open kitchen towards the stove, stirring something. “Of course it okay. She’s been begging me to get her a dog for months so maybe this will help stop the nagging.” 

“Well, I’m happy to help.” He sits on the bar stool at the island and watches her as she moves around the kitchen like it’s nothing. “So what is it that you do?”

Stoping what she’s doing, she looks out the window, taking a peak at her girl and the dog she’s seemingly fallen in love with playing in the backyard. Once she’s satisfied that they’re okay, she turns her attention back to the man whose effecting her like she doesn’t even know what. “I’m a personal trainer. I have my own studio on Pico.”

“Wow, that’s really great.”

She gives him a questioning look. 

“No, I really mean that. To be able to take care of your daughter, be there for her all the time, working full time and doing it alone no less. You’re like a real life Wonder Woman.”

The faint smile that spreads to her face tells him that she doesn’t think so. “Thanks, I do my best. My parents try to help out as much as they can. Sometimes it feels like I’m not doing enough. But I’d do anything for her.”

“I-“

“Mommy, me and Monty are hungry.”

They both shake their heads, trying to rid the buzzing feeling from their heads.

“Okay, sweetie. Go wash your hands and then we’ll eat.”

XXXX

He brings his napkin to his lips to wipe away the last remnants of his dinner. “Well, that has got to be the best meal I have ever had. Thank you, Kensi.”

“Thank you, mommy.”

She sends him a grateful smile. “I’m glad you both liked it.”

He shakes his head. She’s a super mom, this he knows. She probably doesn’t get the praise she deserves most days but he can change that. “Love.”

“What?”

Marty sends her a smile and then turns to her mini version. “We both loved it. Right, squirt?”

Chloe nods in agreement. “Right!”

Nothing else can be said before the seven year old’s attention span shoots to another subject. “Mr. Marty, do you wanna watch Moana?”

“Sure, I’d love too.”

XXXX

A few hours later the credits begin to roll and Kensi looks over to find her daughter beginning to nod off. “Alright, kiddo, say goodnight to Mr. Marty and go get into your jammies.”

The little girl slowly begins to get up and gives a half wave to her teacher as she makes her way out of the living room. “Goodnight, Mr. Marty.” 

“Goodnight, Chloe.”

The adults share yet another smile as they see her get a sudden burst of energy and runs down the hall towards her bedroom singing.

He doesn’t want the night to end, but seeing as though they’ve all had a long day he knows he’d better before he does something stupid. Like spill his feelings for this beautiful woman that he just met standing before him. “Well, I’d better get going.”

“Let me walk you out.”

They stop at the door, neither wanting to say goodbye. “I had a really great time today, Kensi. Thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re welcome. We loved having you. Maybe we could-“ She’s interrupted when he blurts out the words.

“Would you wanna go out with me some time?”

A blush rises to her cheeks. “Yeah. Yeah, I would like that very much.” 

Their eyes lock not for the first time today. He takes a slight step forward closing the distance between them. 90/10. He repeats to himself. After a few seconds he’s scared he went too far but then her lips are on his and WOW. 

The kiss doesn’t last as long as either would like but it’s a start. A start to the beginning. “How about tomorrow night?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Would you go out with me tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, tomorrow is great.”

“Great.” He leans forward, placing another brief kiss to her lips. “See you tomorrow, Kens.”

“Bye.”

She smiles as she shuts the door and slides down to the floor her legs now in a gelatin like state. That kiss. Wow. The sound of her daughter calling for her pulls her out of her trance. And what a trance it was. 

XXXX

One year later……

They’re at their usual spot. Enjoying the waves and the sun, but more importantly, they’re enjoying each other. 

He’s sitting in the sand with his girl cocooned inside his legs and his other girl nearby building a sandcastle. Life can’t get much better than this. 

“Hey, baby, could you stand up for a second? I think you may be sitting on my phone.”

Leaning back against his chest, she turns her head a smirk playing at her features. “What like that’s ever stopped you before?”

He places a kiss to her shoulder, because they’re in a public place and can’t do anything more without being arrested and because the little girl that’s five feet away from them. “Baby, please?”

Sighing, she gets up, but startles when she realizes his phone is next to her bag. “Babe, your phone’s right-“ Her mouth drops open at the sight before her. 

He’s down on one knee, holding the most beautiful ring in between his fingers and reaches for her hand. “Kens, from the moment you walked into that auditorium with this little spit fire over here I was enamored. So much so that you knocked me flat on my ass-“ He stops when the other piece of his whole world gasps.

“Bad word!” A shocked Chloe covers her mouth.

“Sorry, Chlo.” He leans forward placing a kiss on his hopefully soon to be daughter’s head.

Kensi look on as the man she loves cares for her little girl. Like a father would his daughter.

“As I was saying, I can’t promise I won’t let a few bad words slip every once and awhile.” He sends a wink to the little girl making her giggle. “But I can promise that I will love you,” He looks at Kensi and then at Chloe, sending her a smile. Turning his attention back to his hopefully soon to be wife. “That I’ll love both of you with everything I am for the rest of my life. Baby, you make me want to be a better man. The best man. Because that’s what you deserve. You’re the most amazing woman and mother to ever be and I hope that I can grow with you. I hope that maybe I can make things easier for you. Your smile, your laugh….everything. You’re everything to me. I never knew love could feel this way. That I could love someone so deeply that it hurt when I’m not with them. That’s you. You’re my solstice. You’re the one I want by my side. Whenever I have a bad day all I have to do is look at you and know that as long as I have you and your love nothing else matters. One of my favorite things to do is run my finger through your hair. So……will you let me run my fingers through your hair until it’s gray or you’re bald even. Either way…..will you make me the happiest man in existence and be my wife? Will you marry me?”

The tears that are streaming down her face are nothing compared to the summersaults going on inside her. She’s found a man. An amazing man that treats her the way she deserves to be treated. A man that respects her, that encourages her, pushes her to be better and loves her with all he is. Most of all he’s become the father she’s always dreamed for her little girl. “Yes!” She bends down, bringing her lips to his. “Yes. I love you so much. Yes!” 

He stands up wrapping his arms around her waist and twirling her around, bringing their lips together once again. Once they pull back, she places her forehead to his. Their eyes locked onto one another’s, no words need be said. A few minutes pass before he sits his future wife back on solid ground and another nervous look crosses his face. 

The mother daughter duo watch as he reaches for something in his pocket. He pulls out the silver chain with a pendant and both of their eyes light up when they see the sea turtle. Calling Chloe over he returns to his earlier position and gets down on one knee. 

“Chloe, squirt, besides your mom you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Watching you grow and discover new things over the past year has been one the highlights of my life. I promise to love you for the rest of my days. To kiss your booboos. To beat up anyone that hurts you and to protect you from all the scary things in life. I promise to make you laugh when mommy’s trying to be serious. To play dress up with you everyday for as long as you want me to. I love teaching you how to surf and how to play soccer. Chloe, just like your mom, you deserve to be loved and taken care of so if you let me I’d love to teach you all the things a daddy is suppose to teach his little girl. Chloe, will you let me be your daddy?”

The excited grin that spreads to her face tells him his answer but what he wasn’t expecting were the tears. As he clips the clasp around her neck, she falls into his embrace. Her tears soaking his shirt. “I love you, daddy.”

“I love you, too.” 

If Kensi wasn’t a mess before, she most definitely is now. This man…..god this man of hers. He’s everything. More than everything. 

The shaggy blonde stands up, holding Chloe in his arms as he wraps his free arm around his other girl. The tall brunette wraps her arms around both of them, he places a kiss to her head. “I love you, Marty.”

“I most definitely love you, too, Kens.” 

They watch on as the sun begins to set over the Pacific. A sunset built for a family. 

[atinytokki]

Here’s my first impressions.

Warning! a loooong post, squealing, incoherent thoughts smashed together, and crying ahead. A lot of crying.

OH NO. They really started it like this. I’m shivering in bed rn. It’s haunting and beautiful and too short. Is that marching?? That’s marching, are they going to war now omg hold on—

[I didn’t include the audio for Wonderland because I hit the limit and ALSO you should go stream it on the KQ channel instead ;) hehe]

The transition into this was spectacular. The marching just became the beat wooooah! HONGJOONG AHJFKSL YES that’s how you start a song. Seonghwa and Yunho, beautiful. Wooyoung!! sounds amazing!! Seonghwa’s low voice o I was not prepared. San helloooo I love the instrumentation at this part. Jongho, as expected with the high note. Oh OH KAJA!! oooooohhhhh man the chorus goes hard I can’t wait to see the choreo. The production on this is spectacular. FiX oN MiNgiiiiii go off oml 🔥 YEOSANG 👏🏻 GET 👏🏻 THOSE 👏🏻 LINES 👏🏻 this is a head banging song I’m head banging rn. The way they bring it back right before the chorus *chef’s kiss* This is overwhelming man. Jongho with the bridge yussss he and San sound amazing. Wait they were right it is like Hala Hala they added both parts of the chorus together!! It’s almost over isn’t it. Yeah it’s over. Ok I need to breathe,,,

It’s starting kinda like a sad song this isn’t a sad song is it?? SANIIIIEEE! Aw this is cute I like it. Hongjoooooooong! I love this rap it reminds me of something. Ooh prechorus?? It’s so pretty oh No here’s the chorus— oh EDM?!!? OKAY!! Wait do I bop or cry 🙊omg Yeosang!!!! oh my baby you sound amazing. Harmonies 😭 harmonies omg there are harmonies... Mingi! He didn’t say fix on :(( short but slick rap as always. I’m still trying to figure out what they’re saying in this chorus I don’t wanna blast it too loud everyone else is asleep I think... hhhhhh!! Mingi and Hongjoong SINGING IN THE BRIDGE holy cow im gonna lose it they sound beautiful YES THANK U THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Wowwwww high note 🙌There’s something really really nostalgic about this song,, I am undone. The harmonies omg I can’t take this it’s like they know how much I love harmonies, unfair.

OMG— throwback???????? This sounds so 80s YEEEESSSS ! San!! New beginning fairy?? He sounds heavenly I can’t. Mingi, he’s singing again I can’t stop smiling this is my new fave thing. This prechorus, idk what to say it’s amazing. WOOYOUNG JUNG WOOYOUNG NO NO NO NO HES SINGING THE CHORUS AFHSJLSLE Jongho ur vocals are sweet honey please have mercy it’s only like the 4th song and I’m crying already. Hongjoong my boy, this style of rap holy cow. Did someone tell him this is my fave style of rap, because— oh, he’s still going?? Ah this is going on repeat the rest of today 🥰 Yeosang I couldn’t be happier you sound gorgeous and Yunho woah their voices match well. WOOYOUNG AGAIN!! This part was made for him it has to be. JONGHO! SO PLEASE!! This bridge I’m just a mess of tears now they are really singing their hearts out. Is it too early to have a favourite?

Ugh all these songs are ending so abruptly I’m never ready for the next one. Oh I’ve heard his.. aHA AHAAAAA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT this is from the teasers. I had the teasers on repeat this bgm alone is. so. cool. Yes the Mingi rap aaaaaaaaahdhsjkdflsl but we can hear it this time lol. woah it’s not over yet. The beginning of Treasure! Hongjoong singing the beginning of Treasure again but different lyrics?? I need to look them up later oh what if it’s like they found their treasure,, no I can’t take it where are the tissues the ending is so sad whyyyyuyyy

Yay there is already a fun flavour in this song! Hongjoong your voice is so rich in the low register daaaaang I need more of this. Seonghwa is that you? I feel like I haven’t heard his voice since Wonderland I’m sorry seonghwa my bff I’m getting whiplash trying to hear everyone’s parts but you killed it. These lyrics!! This is a hype song fs. THE BEAT DROP AAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAH!! “Ayyy we are gonna win” YES YOU ARE BOYS! Oh shoot I said that out loud I hope no one heard. Okay yes this is my new hype song no one is allowed to be discouraged listening to this. Oop “aha” Hongjoong hakdlaplajql I squealed again. Aw the rap verses were short but still slayed. This song is so fast I can’t keep up but I love it I am feeling this. The low voices and then the beat drop I can’t FUNCTION THIS IS SPECTACULAR !!!!! You are gonna wiiiiiin. This reminds me of Pirate King the altered voice and then adding a harmony the second time, anyone feel me? Mingi singing in the bridge again yes I love this. Ooo EDM break aaaahhah go crazy go stupidddd! I want a choreo for this, I need a choreo for this. Woah the instrumental is very unusual here. And it ended like that with the piano, deconstructing the elements of the song. Oh I need a second listen for musical reasons but we gotta move on.

This album is moving way too quickly we’re halfway done ripppp. I love the instrumental here it’s super slick. I’m already enjoying this very much. Oh high notes San!! Vocal line has popped off, exceeds expectations 100% Aww hi Mingi. Ah thank God the chorus is sweet and full of riffs wowowow this is a sharp contrast from last song. YEOSANG!!! My heart jumps every time I hear him, you don’t know how hard I prayed for him to have more lines. Hongjoong! What are these voices in the background?. Adorable, this is adorable aaaaahaha!! Oh it’s “we are one, we stay one” that they spoiled in ANEWZ I seeeee. This chorus ugh this whole song I love I just have the biggest smile on my face while also sobbing yall don’t understand. The bridge ahh idek what to say I’m so happy with this. You boys make me so proud I hope you know that 😭 !! The voices are back! This is literally so cute hELP

Here comes THANK U I’m not ready ok deep breaths. Whaaaa? I’ve never been more caught off guard in my life that guitar... Yeehaw? Is this a yeehaw song what-? Hongjoong’s singing wait I have to go back I missed it. His voice I— digging my grave. Wait why does this sound lowkey country ohhh dear say sike ah no alright the CHORUS mmm I knew it would be a feel good song. That echoing thing after the chorus is cool. Mingiiii! Did he not say fix on again?? This rap is too cute noooooo oml why Mingi why my jaw is on the floor I can’t believe he’s capable of this.. Ok I like it I’ve decided I like this. I was surprised at first bc I’m not a country fan and it sounded like it was about to be a country song 😂 but this is a bop!! “Gomawo” 😭 no gomawo yourself. Thank you for being on my side 🥺 It’s a hands clapping song. Yes Jongho go off!!! Oh I just gasped the biggest gasp the ending riff was beautiful

Sunrise. Okay deep breaths. I’m gonna just listen and try to not think about the fact Hongjoong cried writing this song. Let’s go. .... oh. OH. Oh it’s soft. I’m soft 🥺 ahhh man they sound so good. This— the background music... it’s doing me in. Aww Mingi. Ahh no this sounds sad whyyy I’m afraid to see the lyrics dangit. (0:41) I just dropped my phone. K that scared me but the lyrics just shot me in the heart. !!!!! I gasped again and now I’m coughing hang on I gotta pause. Just keep it up... boys you outdid yourselves. This GUITAR HOLY CHEESE AND CRACKERS ITS AMAZING. *stomp stomp clap* Hongjoong hiiiii wow this rap right here, I only caught half the lyrics but I know exactly what he is saying ah man. We’ve added instruments in the back. Oh Jongho that was such a clear note the vowel was perfect there. This chorus I can’t. Yeah ok I’m crying again something about the guitar I . Cant type. Oh man. Oh OH OH the bridge the BRIDGE THE BRIDGE everything the vocals the background music. Okay here’s our real stomp stomp clap moment. Ah ok wiping the tears now. They sound great. Hongjoong aaaahh what a way to end the song.

That was an experience I hope I get to breathe during this but I already know I won’t. Um.. it’s piano... for like a solid 20 seconds and it’s slightly jazzy are we getting a ballad?? Our first real ballad!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Seonghwa yessss 🥰 Oh you guys I’ve wanted to hear a ballad from him for so long you don’t even know. Wait everyone sounds so perfect I can’t even describe this. Yunho baby yesss your voice. Wooyoung oml SAN ahhh San your transitions are stunning. Jongho our ballad king it’s like he’s barely even trying and it sounds amazing. Lovely lovely lovely. Mingiiiii he’s singing yet again. Hongjoong too!! Yes oh yes this is it. Their voices all being showcased so perfectly. I’m amazed how well they can all fit this style just as well as they can fit a song like Win. I have one criticism only so far and yall already know what it is. Yeosang still could’ve gotten more lines in this one :_( This is the last song before Beginning of the End oh no. Nooooo I don’t want it to be over. Oh? OH? Yeosang! Yeosangggggg!! Omg I have goosebumps he said NO IM TAKING OVER it’s MY SONG NOW! Wow amazing. The structure of this has been so so interesting I’m definitely going back to analyse. No it’s over...

I’m scared. I’m crying again noo it hasn’t even started jeez pull yourself together. Ok but before I start I really don’t want it to be over and not in a way that implies I want more songs just thinking about how... this is Ep Fin right? The end. Obviously not of ATEEZ (God forbid) it’s only been a year and they’re slaying it I mean absolutely knocking it out of the park each Ep bigger and bolder than the last, they aren’t afraid to try things and when they do they hit the nail on the head. But still this is the end of an era, a storyline too if I’m correct. And it��s just a surreal experience to see it come to a close. ATEEZ, I don’t know where you’re taking us next but I trust you guys and I know it’s going to be amazing.

Ok anyway let’s start the song 🤣 crackling noise? Fire? Ok it’s orchestral. VERY orchestral. “Open your eyes” I felt that San. They were open but I just opened them again. This orchestra is really really moving and cinematic I love it. I see what this is, we’re going Intro: Long Journey except Outro version which is fuller, richer, even more epic and emotional. Oh boy I’m really crying now. Idek what to say again I’m speechless. Oh it swells just like Intro!! Is it the end? Woah???????? What is this? .....SAN?? Wait wait wait it’s over? Like that? No hang on. Waaaait what was that? Seriously that was very strange. I’m not imagining things am I? No does this have something to do with upcoming albums? I’m so confused 😭 it sounded rly cool and spooky whatever it was. Well. Okay! Yeah I guess that’s it. That was the last straw. I should really try to go back to sleep I only have a few hours till I have to get up. But now I’m probably going to go write something, that music was really inspiring. Yeah I think I said what I wanted to honestly! Again I just want to reiterate how proud I am, and remind you to go stream!!!!

KAJAAAAA!

[writcraft]

2018 Fandom Reflections

I’m going to do a year in review list of fics and answer tags on some of the memes floating around, but I’m waiting until January when a few anon fics in fests are revealed as I’d really like to include those in my ramblings. This is more a personal take on some reflections I’ve had on fandom - and my place and activity within it - over the course of this year.

On a personal level, real life work and fandom as a hobby have intersected this year for me like never before, and the combination of taking on multiple commitments to academic publishing, grappling with the demands of my thesis and moderating and participating in multiple fests has been a lot. I’ve had something of a rollercoaster year, but I’m ending 2018 feeling creatively inspired, happy, and energised for another active fandom year. Thank you to everyone who has been part of it and those friends new and old that have been instrumental to shaping my year and pulling me out of the funk I was in at the beginning of the year.

Some key lessons I’ve personally learned in 2018 below the cut to save your dash from my GIANT WALL OF TEXT.

All At Sea: I think of my relationship to fan spaces sometimes as a bit like being out at sea. It’s easy to get caught up in the current and drift along, but the tide is always turning and there are unexpected storms which make staying afloat more challenging at times. Sometimes it can be exhausting when you feel as though you’re swimming against a strong current and making no progress, but on other occasions you find a spot where you can swim, choose your own direction, do handstands in the water and it’s exhilarating. This year I learned it’s okay to get out of the sea sometimes, to push your toes in the sand, feel the sun on your face, and just enjoy watching the waves. Have a cocktail with friends at the beach bar, chill the fuck out, basically. From starting the year feeling in something of a fandom funk, I’ve got to a place at the end of this year where I feel very positive about fandom and grateful to share a space with so many brilliant, talented, supportive people. 

Burnout and Information Overwhelm: This year, the burnout has been real and I’ve worked out that the platforms I’m operating on contribute a lot to that feeling of mental exhaustion. Using my mobile for fandom activity, having more time than ever at my personal laptop instead of an office computer which restricted me from accessing fan platforms and ramping up my use of Tumblr, Twitter, WhatsApp and Discord for fandom activity created a kind of information overwhelm that comes with high speed interactions and heightened the sense of needing to be present, or to offer opinions as part of fast-paced interactions requiring quick thinking, and sometimes knee-jerk responses. With this came the suspicion and bitter taste caused by anonymous messages cropping up in the inboxes of me and my friends, and it felt at times as though I was constantly logged on and in a state of hypersensitivity. I’ve learned that stepping back from things and learning to balance time spent online with time spent offline is an important part of self-care and it’s okay to be absent for a while. If conversations are draining, leave them. If you see opinions you don’t like, ignore them or try to understand them. They are just opinions - and I mean opinions on characters, canon, fandom and so on as opposed to political opinions that actively seek to harm people. Everyone has different perspectives on things. There really is room for everyone. Regarding anonymous messages, if the only way someone wants to interact with you is via crappy anonymous messages, I’ve learned they are not worth your time, effort or mental energy. Interacting only brings more attention to them. Delete, block, move on. Fuck ‘em. If you want to talk to me, do it off anon. If I’ve upset you with my actions, tell me. Let’s have a proper, adult conversation. 

Look for the Rainbow: Fandom spaces are communities which form around peoples passions. They are places of brilliant creativity but the things we love have a tendency to give rise to extreme emotional responses. I’ve veered from extreme highs to extreme lows and this year I have learned the importance of finding a balance that works. I think a relentlessly positive, non-critical approach can be just as stifling as a culture of intense negativity and constant division, but having said that when I’m having my storm cloudy moments I’m trying to focus on the rainbow. Wallowing in bad feeling tends to nurture and cultivate that sense of dissatisfaction until it becomes suffocating. There’s a tremendous amount of good in fandom space. Good people, good ideas, tireless effort, incredible organisation, passion, creativity and vibrancy. There’s a huge amount to feel positively about and whilst I would never advocate for a laissez faire, entirely non-critical approach, I also think everyone has their own capacity for critical thinking and the way those thoughts can permeate and shape our whole experience of fandom and - by extension - influence our creative abilities. I’ve learned to focus more on the things I get out of fandom that make me happy, to retain a critical eye on things as I always will given the nature of my research, but not to allow the critical to obscure the many positive things about fandom. 

Evaluating Self-Worth: I’ve really tried in the latter part of this year not to measure myself or my worth by external metrics of success. The kudos, the hits, the number of followers, the amount of positive interaction over anonymous messages, the posts I’m tagged in, the hype, the rec lists I’m on or not on, and so on. Comparing yourself to other people can lead to resentment and frustration or to an inflated sense of self-importance. It says a little something about how I started the year that I thought I want to grow my tumblr and write a really successful fic, and thought I would know if I had accomplished that by feedback and response. I’m actually quite embarrassed to admit that because I think it makes me look like a dick, and I’m super pleased with the support my fics get in any event, but I wanted to share it because I think it’s important in terms of this lesson I’ve learned this year. I went from a place of being very focused on external measures of success to ending this year realising that my most successful stories have been the ones I’m proudest of and they are not the ones with the most hits or kudos. Those are the stories that I enjoyed creating the most, and the ones that left me feeling incredibly positive and proud at the end of this year, looking forward to the next year in fandom and planning projects that I already know won’t be the most popular, but they are the ones I’m creatively excited about and inspired by, so those are the ones I should be focusing on. Despite its resistance to corporate structures, there’s something very capitalist about the way we can sometimes be lured into evaluating self-worth in fandom, and those structures are embedded within fandom itself. They won’t go away, but focusing on them doesn’t half make me unhappy. 

Support Other Creators: It’s easy to let negative feelings overwhelm the way we interact with one another in fandom. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is that you get back what you put in. Through supporting other creators you build friendships formed around shared creative passions and interests. You feel pride in your friends accomplishments. You improve your own work by reading widely, cheerleading, editing, beta reading, alpha reading, brit picking. Writing can be a lonely endeavour but it doesn’t have to be that way when you’re part of a community that uplifts others. 

Treat People With Kindness: Not everybody has the same levels of confidence or the same energy for rigorous debate. We all have days where we feel like we could crack into pieces, where we feel lonely, invisible, anxious, excluded, unhappy or fragile. It’s easy to be brave behind a computer screen, but ultimately people on the other end are going through stuff in the same way we all are. I’m making a concerted effort in 2019 to engage patiently and respectfully with opinions I disagree with and to be open to anyone who wants to chat or talk through things. I want to work on building new friendships (yeah, I’m going to slide into your DMs, like hiiiii :D) and maintaining old ones, ensuring I give back the same energy and support I get from friends so they know how appreciated they are. I started this year thinking Tumblr required a level of saltiness and a dgaf attitude that’s never been me, honestly. The lesson I’ve learned this year is to resist going along with the pile and to stop and think before engaging. For some people that might seem like an annoying attempt to sit on the fence and please everyone which is never going to happen, but to be honest I think it’s all about finding what works for you in that regard. I’m here for the hot takes and the salt at times, but tbh it’s pretty much just not me. Even when I’ve responded heatedly to an anonymous message that thoroughly deserved it, it’s felt performative and weird and I’m just not going to do that anymore. 

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you ever want to chat fandom thoughts then I’m always open to that and hope everyone has a very happy 2019!