This has been a really hard one to talk about. I'm always very ambivalent about mourning celebrities. I try to remember that I don't know these people, that what is really mourned by most of us is the person's ongoing work, which in the best cases has helped us understand ourselves and the world in which we live. Unavoidably, though, you can start to develop the sense that you know these people personally, which isn't true or even appropriate necessarily, I mean you have no idea whether you would even like someone you've only seen on a screen or received an autograph from; but at the same time, I don't know if you can really force yourself not to feel like the deceased celebrity is a dear friend you will never get to talk to again (the last time I tried and failed was the passing of Lux Interior). Maybe this is more forgivable, and also more inevitable, if you feel like you grew up with the person.
Of course this is all about ME now, but my mother (who also died from cancer) was an extremely hip, brilliant, funny individual who for whatever reason refused to form a relationship with me. This was pretty strange, because we liked a lot of the same things--B movies, old comics, all types of camp and kitsch--but when I liked those things, it was in poor taste and punishable by exile, whereas when she liked those things, it was evidence of her cultural genius. Before I make anybody too mad I should say that I'm being a little bit unfairly reductive just so I can get to the point, which is that one of the few things we could share was Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I didn't know anything about the show's more adult origins or the fact that Paul Reubens was sort of a performance artist, but I didn't have to. Pee-Wee's Playhouse was a feast for any child's senses: stylish, hilarious, and on some subliminal level, really sophisticated. I was clued into some of what was going on just because I watched it with my mom, who always laughed at Pee-Wee's winks and nudges to the hep parents in the audience. The show might have been my first encounter with the kind of anthropological humor favored by people like David Byrne and Laurie Anderson, artists who engage subversively with cliches, stereotypes, and other memetic parts of popular culture. In Pee-Wee's Playhouse, with its sharp, edgy cast and crew, kids like me were getting into fine art without even knowing it--which is possibly the best way to learn about art anyway.
In fact, on the other side of our house, I became obsessed with Gary Panter's incredible punk opus Jimbo In Paradise, a Dantesque comic book about an innocent young guy living in a dystopian future, where he is occasionally joined by guest stars such as Nancy and Hedorah. I was about 7 when I started reading Jimbo over and over again even though I could barely understand it, and I had no idea that Gary had pretty much designed Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I'm speaking about him so familiarly because I got to know him a little bit as a grownup. I remember Gary talking about how private Paul Reubens could be. He used to do this thing where he would accept a dinner invitation from anybody who asked, as sort of a stunt, but he had to stop doing it because people became so intrusive and entitled with him. Gary said that they'd be walking around in New York and when they saw an obvious Pee-Wee fan gearing up for an offensive, Paul Reubens would sort of transform into this totally different person, putting out an aura that let you know not to fuck with him. It's crazy-making to think that someone who was so protective of the boundary between his private and public selves had to suffer that ridiculous arrest, but it's heartening that most of society eventually grew the fuck up and forgot about it. It's also helpful to remember when he turned up later on the MTV Music Video Awards and started off by asking the audience, "HEARD ANY GOOD JOKES LATELY??"
I'm glad we got one more Pee-Wee special in the past several years, but I always wished that we would see Paul Reubens in more movies. He was such a cool actor, funny, convincing, and naturally charismatic. While people are cycling through their favorite roles of his, I want to point out that he had a great role on a recent HBO miniseries called Mosaic, an intense, engrossing crime drama that I definitely recommend if you have access. Maybe I'll rewatch it, too. In closing, here's a great story that I grabbed from Facebook that should warm everybody's heart, along with the heartbreaking statement (inappropriately cropped by Instagram of course) released upon the death of the very private Pee-Wee Herman. It makes you wish you could thank him in person, for everything. The best we can do is just remember him.
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Another TVD ask if you don't mind?! 1. Three less popular TVD ships that you love (one of mine is Jenna/Alaric---don't mock me :)) 2. Your three favorite seasons in order 3. What do you see as a couple of the greatest strengths AND clearest flaws of each of these characters: Elena, Bonnie, Caroline, Damon and Stefan? 4. Name three unpopular opinions you have about the show! Enjoy, and happy holidays!
I would never mock you. I think that all relationships serve as learning vehicles and stepping stones, and they should change and grow as we do. Alaric and Jenna helped each other heal, which is a good thing. I feel this way about most of the relationships in TVD. They all serve a purpose. This is an extra long post so I am attempting to put a "keep reading." I hope it works, but if it doesn't, I apologize. :)
Happy holidays!!
Three less popular TVD ships that I love (FYI: I'm not sure which couples are popular or unpopular, but these are my faves after Delena.): Bonnie and Enzo, Alaric and Jo (I love Jodi Lyn O'Keefe!), and Klaus and Caroline. What I love and prefer are honesty and trust, which is why Delena is my favorite. These couples all know the worst truths about each other and still build something. Yes. I know Klaroline didn't happen, but they had a spark. I maintain that it would have been epic.
My three favorite seasons in order: 1.) Season 3...I love Delena falling in love, and I love the originals, especially Klaus and Elijah. I was sad when they left Mystic Falls. 2.) Season 6...Delena are in peak love, and it's gorgeous. Damon is so soft and pure that I can barely handle it. I think Alaric and Jo are adorable. I love the development of Damon and Bonnie's friendship. 3.) Season 5...Delena is obviously fabulous, but I also like that we get backstory for Damon, who is my absolute favorite character. I love Damon and Jeremy and Damon and Enzo. I liked Paul Wesley as Silas. He's just hilarious.
Greatest strengths and flaws:
Elena - Strengths: 1. Elena is strong, and I mean emotionally. She experiences horrific loss time after time and dies twice, and this girl gets up every morning and goes to school, takes care of her brother (and Jenna and Alaric), and continues to make it through. 2. She is also compassionate, as everyone knows. This is the reason she can care about Anna and Rebekah losing their mother even when they are doing bad things to her or her friends. It's also the reason that she can fall in love with the love of her life. She doesn't even have the capacity to hate Katherine as she is dying. For the record, I do. 3. I'm going to add a third because I want to. Elena supports her friends and family always. She encourages Jenna with Alaric. She tries to ease Jenna's fear and guilt at the ritual. She basically takes care of Alaric after Jenna dies under the pretense that he is looking after her and Jeremy. She encourages Caroline with Matt and then Stefan and doesn't judge the Klaroline hookup. She tries to stop Caroline from turning off her humanity and then works to help her turn it back on. She supports Bonnie with Jeremy and is mad on Bonnie's behalf when he screws up the first time around. She consistently tries to be present for Bonnie when tragedy strikes and respectfully stays distant when Bonnie needs it even though it breaks her heart. She's there for Stefan more than I agree with, so I'm not listing things here other than her always supporting the brothers being brothers. She knows that Damon cares about people long before anyone else figures it out. She supports him through losing Katherine, Rose dying, losing Stefan to Klaus, etc. That's barely touching how she is with Damon, but this is long already. Flaws: 1. I've said this before. Elena can be selfish. She willingly would sacrifice herself and demand that her choice be respected, but she doesn't respect the choices of those who love her. She is basically saying that her choice is the only valid one. 2. Elena's denial of the truth is the flaw that I hate the most. She gets solid proof that Stefan is a liar when she finds that picture of Katherine. Then, somehow she continues to believe that he is a pillar of morals. She sees his serial killer wall and still doesn't see the truth of Stefan. It literally takes him attacking her for her to get it. I won't even start on how hard she fought being in love with Damon. That girl lives in denial.
Bonnie - Strengths: 1. Bonnie is also strong. She grieves hard and takes her needed healing time, but she keeps going just like Elena. 2. Bonnie is an amazing friend. I want her to be my friend. She sees the truth and accepts that some things have nothing to do with her. For instance, when Damon tells her that Delena kissed and sends Bonnie and Elena off on a road trip, she puts any misgivings she has about Damon aside and asks Elena how she feels. Flaws: 1. Bonnie is initially super judgmental without having pertinent details. 2. Also, her refusal to accept the supernatural pouring into their lives rivals Elena's denial, especially given that she herself is supernatural.
Caroline - Strengths: 1. Caroline is a bright and happy person. She maintains this almost always. I think it takes a certain strength to see the world that way all the time. 2. She is also fiercely loyal, at least to some of her friends. She takes it upon herself to help Tyler when he enacts his curse, and she is always there for Stefan. Flaws: 1. Caroline is super judgmental to a fault, and it only applies when she sees fit. Nothing makes me angrier than Stefan and Caroline feeling bad about the hybrids killing Klaus because somehow he's worth compassion but not feeling like Damon deserves the same compassion. I can't even wrap my head around that. 2. While Caroline is loyal to Tyler and Stefan, she is not the greatest friend to Elena. Yes. They have their moments, and I love them. But if my friend told my ex that I slept with his brother after I said I wanted to tell him myself, I wouldn't be friends with her anymore. She literally put Stefan over one of her oldest friendships.
Stefan - Strengths: This one is difficult for me because I dislike Stefan for the majority of the series except in isolated moments. 1. I like that when it comes down to life or death, he chooses Damon. 2. When his humanity is off, he makes an excellent villain. I like him like that until he makes things personal, i.e. almost driving Elena off Wickery Bridge or going to kill her in season eight to get at Damon. Flaws: 1. Stefan is a liar. This is the reason I can't stand him. He lies and lies throughout the whole series. He lies until he gets caught every time. Period. I do not consider him to be moral or pure of heart or any of that bullsh*t that the characters call him. 2. Secondly, he considers himself to be better. How he manages this knowing that he went on ripper binges and killed whole villages is beyond me. I'm going to stop here because I could rant for days about Stefan.
Damon - Strengths: I saved my Damon for last, and it's going to be long. I'm not sorry. 1. Regardless of how many times he and everyone else call him selfish, he is anything but selfish. He is only selfish with Elena's life, and thank goodness someone is. He's a hero. In season one, he is trying to rescue Katherine and ends up trying to save the town from the tomb vampires. He also, while hating his brother, saves him from the tomb vampires. In season two, he saves numerous people (Caroline a few times, Matt, Tyler, etc.), takes care of a dying Rose (gives her a beautiful dream), puts his own life in danger to save others (and gets wolf-bitten in the process), especially Elena (fighting the originals is futile and deadly), and only wants to ensure that Elena lives. In season three, he literally takes care of Elena. He is just there for her every single day while also still taking care of everyone else (because they all go to him with problems that arise). In season four, he is still there for Elena even after she chose Stefan. He won't really be with Elena because of the sire bond. He wants her to take the cure. I'm going to stop here because he just keeps getting more heroic after this, i.e. blows himself up to save Mystic Falls and all their dead friends on the other side. 2. Damon is honest. From the beginning, we and the characters know his worst. He says he only wants to save Katherine. He says he's a vampire that kills. He tries to get Elena and Stefan to see the truth of Stefan. He's honest when he doesn't want Elena to be cured for those moments that it's true, and then he's honest about wanting it for her. I just know someone will point out that he lied about knowing Jeremy was wearing the ring, and I will point out that by the end of the episode, he was honest about it because he prefers to be real always. I could wax poetic for hours about Damon, so I am forcing myself to quit. Flaws: Damon has little control over his heightened emotions. When his emotions build to a breaking point, he lashes out without thought. This results in Jeremy's broken neck, feeding Elena his blood before Klaus' ritual, breaking Kol's neck at the Mikaelson's party, etc. 2. Damon doesn't believe in his own worth. He is quick to accept that he is the worse brother, that he doesn't deserve love, that he isn't worth saving, that everything that goes wrong is his fault, etc. I won't get into the reason for this, but it makes me sad.
Three unpopular opinions I have about the show, (Again, I'm not sure what is popular or not.) so really these are just opinions.
TVD is well-written. I absolutely love the stellar soundtrack throughout and how it ties into the story, and the humor is excellent. As someone who has seen many things Kevin Williamson has had a hand in, I love when they pay homage, and they do often in TVD. Delena is quite possibly one of the best ships I have ever witnessed develop.
Bonnie deserved better the whole time. They did her and Kat Graham a disservice.
The show was severely lacking in diversity.
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John interviewed in Melody Maker, 6 December 1969
Last week I spent some time with John, during which he told me the truth about the early days, the current relationships within The Beatles, and his consequent need for independence, and a host of other subjects. We begin with the group’s rise to fame, and John’s feelings about the way it was achieved.
“In the beginning it was a constant fight between Brian [Epstein] and Paul on one side and me and George on the other,” he told me. “Brian put us in neat suits and shirts, and Paul was right behind him. I didn’t dig that, and I used to try and get George to rebel with me. I’d say to him, ‘Look, we don’t need these suits. Let’s chuck them out of the window.’ My rebellion was to have my tie loose, with the top button of my shirt undone, but Paul’d always come up to me and put it straight.
“I saw a film the other night, the first television film we ever did. The Granada people came down to film us, and there we were in suits and everything - it just wasn’t us, and watching that film I knew that that was where we started to sell out. We had to do a lot of selling out then. Taking the MBE was a sell-out for me. You know, before you get an MBE the Palace writes to you to ask if you’re going to accept it, because you’re not supposed to reject it publicly and they sound you out first.
“I chucked the letter in with all the fanmail, until Brian asked me if I had it. He and a few other people persuaded me that it was in our interests to take it, and it was hypocritical of me to accept it. But l’m glad, really, that I did accept it- because it meant that four years later I could use it to make a gesture.
“We did manage to refuse all sorts of things that people don’t know about. For instance, we did the Royal Variety Show once, and we were asked discreetly to do it every year after that- but we always said, ‘Stuff it.’ So every year there was always a story in the newspapers saying ‘Why No Beatles For The Queen?’, which was pretty funny, because they didn’t know we’d refused it.
“That show was a bad gig anyway. Everybody’s very nervous and uptight, and nobody performs well. The time we did do it, I cracked a joke onstage. I was fantastically nervous but I wanted to say something, just to rebel a bit, and that was the best I could do.”
Was there, in fact, anything at all that he enjoyed about the years of Beatlemania?
“Oh sure. I dug the fame, the power, the money, and playing to big crowds. Conquering America was the best thing. You see, we wanted to be bigger than Elvis - that was the main thing. At first we wanted to be Goffin & King, then we wanted to be Eddie Cochran, then we wanted to be Buddy Holly, and finally we arrived at wanting to be bigger than the biggest - and that was Elvis.
“We reckoned we could make it because there were four of us. None of us would’ve made it alone, because Paul wasn’t quite strong enough, I didn’t have enough girl appeal, George was too quiet, and Ringo was the drummer. But we thought that everyone would be able to dig at least one of us, and that’s how it turned out.”
When John returned his MBE in protest against Britain’s involvement in the Vietnam and Biafra conflicts, he added, “And against ‘Cold Turkey’ slipping down the charts.”
Does that mean that “Cold Turkey” is a specially important record for you?
“Yes, because it’s MY record. When I wrote it I went to the other three Beatles and said, ‘Hey lads, I think I’ve written a new single.’ But they all said, ‘Ummm... arrrrrr. . . welll. . .’ because it was going to be my project, and so I thought, ‘Bugger you! I’ll put it out myself.’
That had happened once before, when I wanted to put ‘Revolution’ out as a single, but ‘Hey Jude’ went out instead.”
Does that mean that Plastic Ono Band is, for John, a kind of alternative Beatles, particularly in view of Ringo’s refusal to go on tour again?
“Yes, I suppose so. It’s a way of getting my music out to the public. I don’t bother so much about the others’ songs. For instance, I don’t give a damn about how ‘Something’ is doing in the charts - I watch ‘Come Together’, because that’s my song.”
Can he ever conceive of a time when he wouldn’t want his songs to be on the same album as Paul’s or George’s?
“I can see it happening. The Beatles can go on appealing to a wide audience as long as they make albums like Abbey Road, which have nice little folk songs like ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ for the grannies to dig.
“About ‘Maxwell’s Hammer’ - well, all I can say is that I dig Engelbert Humperdinck as much as I dig John Cage, and I don’t listen to either of them,” he said with a marvellously relevant irrelevance. “I always wanted to have other people on our records, like the Stones and our other friends. But some of the others wanted to keep it tight- just like The Beatles, you know? But you wait - it’s starting to get looser, and there should be some fantastic sessions in the next few years. That’s what I wanted all along.”
Going back to the past, did he enjoy doing The Beatles’ two films, Help! and A Hard Day's Night ?
“I dug Hard Day's Night, although Alun Owen only came with us for two days before he wrote the script. He invented that word ‘grotty’ - did you know that? We thought the word was really weird, and George curled up with embarrassment every time he had to say it. But it’s part of the language now-you hear society people using it. Amazing.
“Help! was a drag, because we didn’t know what was happening. In fact [Richard] Lester was a bit ahead of his time with the Batman thing, but we were on pot by then and all the best stuff is on the cutting-room floor, with us breaking up and falling about all over the place.”
The present: has Allen Klein made an agreeable difference to Apple, which was bothering John the last time I spoke to him?
“Oh, it’s really marvellous. People were very scared of him to start with - and some still are - but that’s probably good. He’s swept out all the rubbish and the deadwood, and stopped it being a resthouse for all the world’s hippies. He won’t let people order antique furniture for their offices and so forth; he’s really tightened it up and it’s starting to work a lot better.
“He’s noticed that The Beatles had stopped selling records as they were doing around the world, and he found out that it was because the record company simply wasn’t bothering to push them. They thought that our records would sell themselves, and they were wrong. They don’t. If you can get to No 1 in Turkey, Greece, Switzerland and a couple of other countries then that’s as good financially as getting a No 1 in Britain - they don’t realise that.
“Klein’s very good - he’s going to make sure they stop sitting on the records and actually release them. He’s even keeping tabs on me - I usually make mistakes about who to get in to survey my house, and I can spend a fortune without getting anything done. He’s making sure that I do it the right way.”
Richard Williams
Melody Maker, 6 December 1969.
Source: https://archive.org/stream/TheHistoryOfRock1969/TheHistoryOfRock1969_djvu.txt
Quoted in Rolling Stone in December 1969: https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/beatles-splitting-maybe-says-john-182489/
Lots of this is quoted on the John Lennon website here: http://www.johnlennon.com/news/cold-turkey-plastic-ono-band/
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I'd like to request prompt 35 (shielding each other w/ their own body) from your Pride drabble prompts?! *blows a kiss*
Catttttt ✨ ✨ ✨ Thank you so so much for the prompt! I have such a fun idea for this, I hope you enjoy the drabble! 🥰
Prompt 11: Shielding Each Other with Their Own Body
| 10 | Prompts | 12 |
"Nooooooo - !" Bucky screamed dramatically as his body moved in slow motion toward Sam.
The man could run faster than a car, but here he was, moving as if he was making the special effects in real-time.
" - ooooooooo - !"
Sam was already completely drenched by the super soakers AJ and Cass somehow acquired during the water balloon fight before Bucky's body jumped in front of Sam's like this was the climax of an action film.
" - ooooooooo - !"
He barely even got soaked.
" - ooooooooo - ."
Bucky's heroic glide from his slow-motion jaunt landed him half a second of air at most in front of Sam, Cass and AJ giggling up a storm as they watched Bucky fall into the mud under Sam.
" - ooooooooo - pafawww pshhhhhh bwaaaaaaaah..."
Sam was still being completely drenched by Cass and AJ, and now Sarah too as she made her way away from some of the other people in the neighborhood and began tossing water balloons at Sam.
Sam should be doing something.
But he could barely breathe. He was bent over, wheezing between laughs, his legs buckling as he fell to the ground next to Bucky in a fit of giggles.
"Everything's going dark, Sam," said Bucky weakly from the ground, "I don't think I'm going to make it."
"You're barely wet," said Sam between laughs into Bucky's pretty dry shirt that was only getting wet now due to Sam's family deciding it was hilarious to still attack him while he's in a state of uncontrollable laughter, "You have more mud on you than water."
"Tell yourself I love you," Bucky said, holding Sam's face tenderly at first before squishing it with his muddy hands, "Tell yourself I'll always love... blegh."
Bucky let his head drop to the ground, let his tongue lull outside of his mouth.
His hands were still squishing Sam's face.
He still coughed when AJ or Cass accidentally got water in his open mouth. He choked when a fly accidentally wandered into his open cave of a mouth.
Sam couldn't stop laughing. There was no way he could ever. He was going to spend the rest of his life in the mud of the vacant lot three doors down, half-draped over this ridiculous man, laughing until he was crying and his family wouldn't even care.
No, they would just throw water balloons and soak him with super soakers and laugh at how insanely smitten he was with a man who didn't even save Sam when he shielded Sam with his body.
Sam couldn't find it in himself to be mad about it. He could live forever in this laugh, as Bucky made noises Sam assumed were what people in the forties thought dead people made.
"As much fun as it is to have an easy target to hit, I did come over to tell you all that the crawfish are almost ready," said Sarah, definitely amused by Sam and his weird cyborg roommate.
"We'll be over soon," said Bucky, and Sam could hear Sarah quietly ushering Cass and AJ away from the two of them.
Sam was still having a problem coming down from his fit of giggles, though, and lay on Bucky for what could have been seconds, what could have been years, just laughing into Bucky's chest.
"If we don't go soon, there's going to be no crayfish left," said Bucky, and Sam could feel Bucky's muddy hand rubbing his back, "For me, at least. They're always going to save some for 'Paul's youngest son'."
Sam felt himself settling down enough to talk.
"Crawfish, Bucky. Crawfish. Play your cards right and I'll share," said Sam as he gazed up at Bucky.
At his warm smile and how his hair was growing out again and the stubble he seemed to always have. There was something about it. The way he was now that harkened back to those crappy safehouses in Europe, that cabin Bucky had in Wakanda.
Like Bucky was the guy Sam had thought of as a friend. That Sam thought of as more.
"You have a beautiful laugh," said Bucky, because that was a totally normal thing to say to your roommate.
"You're a terrible actor," Sam countered, not quite ready to see what "more" meant, happy to live in whatever this middle ground was for a bit longer.
Bucky rolled his eyes.
"Last time I'm ever fake saving you," said Bucky as he helped Sam up to his feet.
Sam cackled.
"You took half a second of water for me," said Sam, not letting go of Bucky's hand as they walked towards the food line, "I wouldn't call that saving anyone."
Holding hands was a... normal roommate thing to do. Bucky didn't seem to mind.
"I was a hero, Sam," said Bucky, offended, "I died for you."
"You're such a drama queen," said Sam with less fire and banter than he meant to, and it came out soft and endearing.
It didn't help that Sam couldn't stop smiling at Bucky. That Bucky couldn't stop smiling at him.
"For you, Sam Wilson, I will be the most obnoxious drama queen," said Bucky, and Sam could see it in Bucky's eyes, he knew Sam would spiral into fits of laughter from that.
It wasn't even that funny. Sam couldn't stop laughing, though. He leaned on Bucky's side, still holding Bucky's hand, laughing as they waited for their turn in line. Because Sam was gone for the most absurd guy he had ever met. And he was pretty sure Bucky liked him too.
*****
This series is to celebrate Pride Month with some fun prompts. If you’d like me to write a drabble based on a prompt of you’re choosing, look at the prompts and send me one via ask! 🥰
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Paul Lahote Part 2
Don’t really know what to call this, but thanks for all the love on the last part. I’m gonna try and post weekly but I work a lot so no promises.
Warnings: Angst, lots of it. cussing, hints towards abuse.
After a few weeks went by things seemed to work themselves out between Jacob and Bella. I would drive out to Emily’s about once a week, Paul conveniently never being there. Which I was actually kinda glad about, although I felt eager to be around him, Jared told me about his anger issues so I think it’s better for me to steer clear of him until this eagerness goes away. Anger issues scare me.
Jared and I have gotten close through these visits, always laughing at each other's sarcastic jokes and ending the night with an episode of New Girl. That was usually the time when everyone else bailed but I didn’t care, it gave Jared and I some hilarious inside jokes. No matter how close we got, our feelings for each other never grew past platonic, though I would rarely catch Sam giving Jared a look. It was never all knowing “when are you going to ask her out?” look, more of a “back off” look. But that could just be me reading into it too much, there is nothing. I am thinking too much. I’m just happy I finally made a friend of my own.
One day when I arrived at Emily’s for dinner, there was a new face in the crowd. “Y/N! You’re here!” said Emily as I walked in. “Hey! This is for you. It’s a cake for later” I said, handing her the grocery bag in my hands. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. This is Seth, Harry’s son.” Emily pointed to the unfamiliar face. “Hi, I’m Y/N, Charlie Swan’s niece.” I introduced myself, but Seth just kind of stared at me, never saying a word. Jared’s laughing was what broke the silence. “What are you laughing at dick nose?” I asked, hoping not to embarrass Seth. “Nothing, just your ability to woo people”
“Very funny, I don’t woo anyone, you’re imagining things. How Emily puts up with you is beyond me.”
“IT’S NOT WITHOUT GREAT DIFFICULTY” Emily yelled from the kitchen before walking towards us. “Paul isn’t going to show up again?” she added.
“Nope” Embry said “ Too stubborn for his own good, the dumbass”
“Hey, if he doesn’t want to meet me that’s fine. It’s none of my business.” I say, hoping to ease Emily’s thoughts, seeming it always bothers her when he doesn’t show up.
We all seemed to move past it and dinner was great, as usual. “Hey, instead of New Girl do you want to take a walk? I’ll show you the hiking trails around here.” Jared asked me.
“Sounds great” I said with a smile.
“Can I join you guys?” Seth asks like a small child which made me have to suppress a giggle. Poor boy had been staring at me all night like a lost puppy, he was cute no doubt, but being 5 years younger than me was a deal breaker.
“No, Jared has something important to explain to her. Remember?” Sam said like he was Seth’s father. He seemed to always be incharge of everything around these guys so that didn’t surprise me. I definitely wouldn’t call them a cult, but club would be a better term, seeming as a hierarchy was apparent.
“Seth likes you” Jared said as soon as we walked out of the house. “Wow! Way to out your friend there! Remind me to never trust you with a secret. Plus you don’t know that for certain, he just met me.” I said and Jared laughed, but didn’t say anything back. No until we were pretty deep into the woods did I ask “So what is this thing Sam said you needed to show me?”
“Well I wanted to try and explain it to you but I have a feeling you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Your sarcasm levels are like no other to be fair, so show me.”
“Ok” he said and stopped walking. “Just brace yourself and try not to panic. I promise I won’t hurt you ok?”
“Ok” I say, trying to do what he said.
I watched. Watched him take off his shoes. Watched him back up a few feet. Watched him start to shake. Just like Paul did that day Bella slapped him. Then I watched him turn into a wolf. I was stuck. Didn’t say or do anything. I couldn’t. Just continued to watch as this wolf trotted back into the woods. My brain was blank. No thoughts, words or actions came to mind. Everyone knows the fight or flight trauma responses, but not a lot of people talk about the third: freeze.
Jared came back, this time a human. “You okay?”. I took a deep breath and said “I’m in need of explanation please” I remembered that he wasn’t going to hurt me.
He explained the histories, Vampires, and why he spends most of his time with the “pack”. I listened, tried to take it all in and process the copious amounts of new information, but apparently I was too quiet for Jared. “Please say something”
“I’m alright, surprised to say the least and will need some time to process everything. But I’m not mad I promise. Thank you for telling me everything.”
“Well, that actually is not all. We just figured it would be best to wait until you’re ok with this first.”
“There is more? Please just tell me the rest, trust me, I process better with all the information.”
“Okay, well. We can hear each other's thoughts, we are 108 degrees, and we can imprint.”
“That’s why you never wear shirts… What’s imprinting?”
“The best way I can describe it is soulmates. When we make eye contact with them, our whole world becomes this person and we will be and do anything for them. When we are apart it’s hell, getting rejected by an imprint can really fuck you up. Make you sick. No one has ever died from being seperated from an imprint but you might as well be.”
“That sounds intense. What does that have to do with me?”
“Paul imprinted on you. And it scared him. Still does scare him because love was never something that he wanted. That’s why he won’t see you, he isn’t mad at you. He’s in love with you and his stubbornness is eating him alive. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to listen to his obsessive thoughts all the time.”
“Hold on. Paul is my soulmate but he doesn't want me?”
“No, he wants you. He needs you, but he’s scared. We thought if we told you, you could convince-”
“You want me to try and convince my soulmate that he should be with me?... Fuck that. You dump all this crap on me and then tell me my own fucking soulmate doesn’t want me?!”
As if on cue, Paul came out of the woods “What did you do to her Jared? You hurt her?!”
“How do you know I’m in pain?”
“We feel our imprints' pain too” Jared added.
“Oh! Perfect! So you can feel what you are doing to me asshole!” I couldn’t help but yell at Paul, I was overwhelmed to say the least. I’d never been so angry in my whole life.
“What?”
“Jared didn’t hurt me, You did! What? You thought that I would be all sweet and understanding?! Awe my own fucking soulmate doesn’t want me-”
“No it’s no like that-”
“What is it? Am I not as pretty as you thought I would be? Well I can guarantee that you were not what I had in mind either you prick! In fact you are the last person I ever wanted. Oh great! Another egotistical asshole with anger issues to make me feel like shit all the time! Let me just take off my shoes so you can sweep me off my feet properly! I’m happy you got some practice keeping your distance from me. Now keep doing it! And don’t you dare think, even for a second, that you have any sort of claim over me. I’m out of here!”
Frustrated tears flowed down my face like a waterfall while my heart felt like it had died in my stomach and air was coming into my lungs but not my head.
“Please don’t go. I had no idea you would feel this way. I can’t be separated from you anymore, I’ll go insane-”
“GOOD! Now fuck off!” I got into my car and slammed my door before Paul ran up to me window “Ok ok you can leave, just please let me drive you home. You shouldn’t be driving like this, and it’s dark. I promise I won’t say a word. Let Jared drive you! Anything.”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” My own stubbornness got the best of me and I drove away. Only this time I was dumb enough to look in the mirror to see Paul sobbing.
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Why Stackie is the greatest bromance of all time
Well for starters, they’re hilarious, so there’s that!
What I also like is their ability to make any interviewer go “???”, wonder what they’re doing there and reconsider all the life choices they made that led them to that very moment in front of the Stackie Duo, including their decision to study journalism.
But one of the things I really like about Sebastian and Anthony's relationship is that you can really see the evolution of their friendship throughout the years, and how they adapted to each other's personalities.
Everyone has their own way of expressing their love, including these actors: like Paul Bettany is a kisser, Chris Evans is a toucher I guess ( I don't watch enough of non-Stackie interviews to draw conclusions), and Anthony is a joker/comedian, if he likes you, he will tease you, make fun of you and make it his personal mission to make you smile/laugh. He doesn't seem to like being affectionate type etc, he looked like the kind who would accept affection but doesn't really initiate it. He would rather make jokes, hit your arm playfully or do a fist bump with you.
Sebastian is a little bit more "Extra" when expressing his love: we all remember the Instagram birthday post, his unprompted "I love you" in the middle of an interview, "Why aren't you looking at me as much in these interviews?" "I want to spend all my time with Anthony" and he also seems to be a little bit more affectionate, and also like to touch his friends (at least the way I see it).
At least that was the situation in the beginning: Anthony, the hilarious guy who had all the jokes and all the punchlines, and Seb the shy guy who liked affection, and adored Anthony for making him come out of his shell.
And as the years passed, we saw a shift in their relationship, where both of them made efforts to go in the other's direction and accommodate to the other's personalities.
During the first years, Seb wasn't even that funny. A lot of Sebastian Stan stans get mad when I say this but Seb was only funny when Anthony was around to make the jokes. I'm sorry and I love Sebastian but that's the truth.
Now, he's much more comfortable, and is so open when joking with Anthony and has a few punchlines on his own:
First we had successful attempts: "which way is the beach Seabass, which way is the beach" "Down there" "PapiChulo".
And now, he's much more confident in his jokes and always manages to make everyone laugh, even Anthony, "You ready for the Falcon?", "I'm sorry but Chris Evans he ain't got nothing down there".
Sebastian is almost a comedian now!
One thing I've also noticed and I love is that whenever Sebastian starts making a joke now, Anthony will start laughing even BEFORE Seb starts talking, as if he already knows what Sebastian is going to say or as if he knows that whatever Sebastian, it’s just great to see how they’re used to each other now.
And from Anthony's side, he also seems more in touch with what Seb likes and doesn't like:
One example that comes in mind is that I've noticed that fist bumps aren't really Seb's thing 😂, so'll he'll fist bump Anthony if Anthony initiates it, but other than that, he'll prefer hugs or literally anything else, and I've noticed that Anthony doesn't really do the fist bumps with Seb anymore and will adapt to Seb's needs, praising him or touching him.
Also Anthony seems to be more affectionate with Seb: Seb recently complained that Anthony doesn't show his soft side with him, but Anthony disagreed. And I kind of agree with Anthony because it looks like he shares his soft side with Seb all the time.
Side note for Seb: For you to know that Anthony has a soft side, he would have had to share it with you in the first place!
Why I think that Anthony is super affectionate with Seb:
Exhibit A: He'll put his hand around Seb because I quote " [Sebastian] likes to be close"
Exhibit B. Anthony will put his arm around Seb so they can walk together for literally 10 meters. (The gif quality is bad but after a panel, Seb really waited for Anthony, even though they were probably headed in the same way just so that they could walk away together, top right of the gif). Why do they have to be this dramatic all the time??
Exhibit C: Anthony putting his arm around Seb to share a mic (I don't know Sebastian personally but I know that that man pretented his mic was broken so he could share it with Anthony. I just know it)
He's also more expressive in his love for Seb: “I love you man” "I want to keep Sebastian all to myself" in the Kelly Clarkson interview.
I don't really know if Seb is Anthony's best friend because Anthony looks like the kind of guy who can get along with anybody, and has a lot of friends but it sure looks like Anthony IS Seb's best friend.
They really brought out the best out of each other, and maybe Sebastian wouldn't even be where he is today without Anthony. Who knows if he would have had a leading role in a Marvel show with Anthony if it weren’t for their dynamic.
But also maybe Anthony wouldn't be here today without a friend who hypes him up and makes him laugh so much that their friendship became iconic and inspired a multi-billion company to make a show about them.
I think one other reason I like that duo is that in friendship, I'm both of them at the same time! I will tease my friends whenever I can but I also need to be hugged at all times.
I won't pretend I know them or their personalities, I'm just sharing what I think based on the interviews I've watched, so, of course I could be wrong. This is just an observation.
I love to tease Sebastian on his "extraness" with Anthtony (and i’ll never stop), but the truth is the two of them adore each other and it's very heartwarming to see a friendship like theirs!!!
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you can totally make hc if you want!!!! i'd eat that shit up like breakfast ngl. in my opinion david is joe (kind of obvious) dwayne would be sal, marko would be murr and that makes paul q <3333
omfg yes! i had way too much fun doing these. i know they're a little shitty, but i tried istg! - mae
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
The Lost Boys Pranking Each Other Like Impractical Jokers Hc's:
° I JUST KEEP IMAGINING DWAYNE AS SAL RUMMAGING THROUGH TRASH FOR HIS BIKE KEYS AND THEM LEAVING HIM DHDHDHR OR THAT TIME SAL HAD TO DIG THROUGH ELEPHANT CRAP TO GET HIS PHONE, ONLY ITS DWAYNE'S KEYS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MARKO GOES "EH BUDDY LOOKIE ERE!" AND HE'S DANGLING HIS KEYS IN THE AIR "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU GUYS!" SHDHFJFJF
° Paul is deadass one of the most ruthless out of all of them when it comes to prank wars. He's targeting everyone with ridiculous pranks, but they always bite him in the ass later on when he wakes up the following night with his hair dyed a luminous green. He rocks it but he totally had a nervous breakdown over it bc "THAT'S MY FUCKING HAIR MAN!"
° "Maybe you shouldn't have thrown my keys into that gross guys hotdog stand-" David drawls nonchalantly, flicking cigarette ashes at Paul's green goblin looking head.
° There was this one time that Marko attempted to prank David, and I say attempt bc it went absolutely atrociously... Maybe it was because Paul was trying to get him back and gave his buddy too much of that good green stuff. Marko's plan to train his pigeons to crap all over David had ended up with him waking up the next morning covered in pigeon shit. "Serves you right, you yutz-"
° "Man, we need to drown you in the tub." Dwayne snorts.
° "DON'T BRING THAT SHIT UP-" Paul screams from the other end of the Cave.
° "Right... But it's not like we're adding a dog into the mix..." Marko muttered under his breath, using a crumpled old napkin to clean the literal crap off of his face.
° "I SAID SHUT UP!"
° Paul thought it'd be a good idea to drop rice to bug David, but it ended up with all of them counting the fallen grains of rice lmaoo. He kept losing count and everyone got different numbers.
° Honestly, the best one's at pranking people are Dwayne and David as they're very patient and thoughtful.
° David schemes like an asshole cat, striking when you least expect it. It leaves Paul and Marko on edge for months, just waiting for David to pull a prank on them.
° "C'mon man! Just prank us already!" Paul pleads, paranoia finally driving him up the walls.
° "Yeah, we're livin' in fear here!" Marko agreed suddenly.
° "You know, you just reminded me about that..." David's just kidding, though the other two don't know that. David forget something? Not a chance. This guy is on that Petty Train™ and it's going straight to Saltyville!
° Dwayne can take years to strike with his pay back. He's got patience that even David doesn't have, and honestly, Dwayne's pranks are really intense. He'll scare the shit out of the others so much so that they don't prank him for good long while. Paul's the one who never seems to learn lmaoo.
° Well, unless he's in the mood for being playful that is...
° Like I'm talking about the fact that after digging through elephant crap in the local zoo after hours for his bike keys, he not only chased down all of them, but he kinda tied Paul and Marko up and may've just let the sun rise a little... he's waiting for an apology- he's salty now and won't care if they burn... but once he get's that apology he's been wanting to here, he's pulled them into the shadows.
° "Ahhhhh! Dwayne, man, c'mon! The suns rising!" Paul screams, thrashing around in the sturdy chains he's been bound by the wrists at.
° Dwayne responds with an expression of total anger, but it's cool and collected. He's patient. He can wait a little longer. He's in no hurry.
° Whereas David's lounging on one of the dusty old couches in the shadows. He had given Dwayne what he wanted, whether his apology was half assed or not. He still said it with some meaning, right?
° "David didn't even mean that piece of garbage he called an apology!" Marko spat out, eye cracking a vivid yellow whilst he stared directly into David's blue amused eyes.
° "Well at least I had the courage to swallow my idiotic pride~" David sing-songed joyously, folding his nimble gloved hands behind his spikes of bleach blond hair. "And it worked wonders, didn't it? I'm not the one about to be fried into ashes..."
° "Man, we're sorry alright?! We won't fuck with your bike or your keys again!" They both screamed in unison, shutting their eyes tightly as the sun began to rapidly crawl into the open space of the Cave. It's golden rays beginning to spark the ends of their blond locks alight! That was precisely what Dwayne wanted to hear, and without little thought, yanks them down and watches them scurry into a deep crack in the wall. That'd teach them from fucking with his shit ever again.
° "Fuck, my hair! It's all burnt on the ends!" Paul wails, swatting the frizzy ends rapidly to put out the sparks.
° "That's literally the least of your worries, Paul." David retorted into the air, gathering himself up from the couch and towards his own nest.
° "Yeah, we almost got fucking fried you sack of shit! This is the last time I listen to your ideas-" Marko rambles on angrily.
° Yes, they did sleep curled up together in the crack in the wall. They genuinely held each other tightly, Paul waking up from nightmares! Poor baby :'(
° Marko definitely does listen to his ideas after that lmaoo.
° Also it's very true, these guys compete to embarrass each other out in public, so much so that they've pretty much become a star attraction.
° That is until that one time Marko drop kicked Paul off the Pier and cracked his skull open... Yeah, they got into a lot of trouble for that one...
° These guys are chaotic dumbasses and their prank wars a cynical as hell. Like it get's so intense, but it's hilarious! Star and Laddie are kept entertained for ages!
° They be pranking Laddie too, but it's all in good fun. He's a kid after all! They're not gonna be excessively mean to him. That is until he fucks with their shit...
° Then you've got Paul and Marko holding him up by the scruff of his jacket, demanding where their Playboy mags, bike keys, their specific wrench is, that Deff Leppard Tape... boy you name it! They'll interrogate him good cop bad cop style lmaoo.
° Dwayne's heart kinda warms up whenever Laddie pranks him. He ruffles his hair, even if it makes him mad as hell. Laddie is his weak spot tbh.
° David just gives Laddie a pointed look and goes, "This better not become a common occurrence, otherwise I'll have to shave your head."
° Lmaoo the absolute sass that he receives from Laddie after that djkgdsghjsd-
° Sometimes David allows Paul and Marko to get away with their stupid pranks on him. Although it's incredibly annoying, he also finds it endearing how happy getting away with some of the simpler ones makes them. Paul thinks he's literally gotten away with it, but Marko knows.
° Paul deems himself to be the Prank King™ and honestly he is, but you know what? He's usually quite good natured and even though he does overstep boundaries, he'll always make things up to everyone if it really bugs them. He's out to have fun, not get murdered or cause tears. Most of the time...
° He ropes Laddie in on the pranks and loves it! Paul is a great big brother! He also enjoys pranking Star quite a bit, and she can be quite mean when returning the favor.
° Marko however, plays the dirtiest! He's pretty cynical himself, so his sadistic nature comes out full throttle. The lines within him are blurred. He's genuinely good natured usually, but once someone does something that pisses him the hell off... They best be prepared for hell to arrive at their feet.
° Like this one time, Marko cock blocked Paul for several weeks lmaoo then he ate the person Paul had the hots for. He dropped them at his feet in the Cave like, "Whoopsie!" He got into so much shit from Max bc that person was like hella important, I'm talking celebrity status sfjdshfhjsdfnbds
° David's just cynical as hell and he's always got something witty to say during or after it. Definitely mocks them dsjgdsjfds David's just an asshole cat istg! I mean, not even Star is safe from his pranks, but he kinda has a sisterly soft spot for her. He likes to dig deep under her skin and bug her. She's quite fiery honestly.
° Pranks with the Lost Boys is incredibly chaotic to round it off.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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parts of pattie boyd’s book wonderful tonight that involved george that stuck out to me:
pattie didn't have any of the beatles records at first and only bought please please me since she was going to be in their film
“on first impressions, john seemed more cynical and brash than the others, ringo the most endearing, paul was cute, and george, with velvet brown eyes and dark chestnut hair, was the best looking man i’d ever seen.”
during a lunch break pattie and george sat next to each other and were both very shy
george asked pattie “will you marry me?” and after she laughed he said, “well, if you won't marry me, will you have dinner with me tonight?” and she turned him down.
she deadass invited george to hang out with her and her boyfriend at the time.
pattie and george are both pisces.
once reshoots for the film were happening george asked pattie about her boyfriend, she said she had dumped him, and george once again asked her for dinner. she accepted this time.
brian epstein joined them for their first date.
they sat side by side and were too scared to even hold the others hand.
george got along great with pattie’s family.
pattie liked cynthia lennon but found her difficult to make friends with.
“she wasn't like my friends, who enjoyed a giggle and some fun: she was rather serious, and often, i thought, behaved more like john’s mother than wife.”
there was a rumor that john and pattie were having an affair and pattie worried cynthia believed it. it wasn't true.
maureen cox (ringo’s girlfriend) was another beatles girl that pattie had a hard time being friends with. but said that she was “jolly and friendly, more relaxed than cynthia.”
pattie got along best with jane asher but saw her the least.
“i felt there was definitely a north-south divide among the wives and girlfriends. and i had the definite impressions that the girls from the north (maureen and cynthia) felt they has a prior clam to the boys.” okay shade, we see you.
(talking about going on holiday with john, cynthia, and george) “it was a good way to split the group. john and paul were the closest in some ways and immensely creative together, but they clashed if they were in each other’s pockets for too long.”
george asked pattie to cut his hair while on holiday and one of the cleaners found his hair and kept it.
(talking about george) “he was so beautiful and so funny.”
once a “weird looking man” tried to force his way into pattie and george’s house. pattie thought he was either a salesman or a jehovahs witness. it turns out it was paul in disguise.
george said the only place he got peace was in the bathroom of his hotel suite.
pattie got a lot of letters saying that if she didn't leave george there would be a curse put on her.
pattie’s cleaner was a male ballet dancer and “a terrific duster.”
pattie would count the days till george came back. once he jumped into the bed early in the morning to wake her up.
those two would deadass not lock their doors and were surprised that clothes were going missing...what is with older generations and not locking their doors i -
george would be in the studio from 11 am - 11 pm. sometimes midnight.
george’s mom loved when john would visit and would always ask him for an “upper.”
when john lennon is your drug dealer.
pattie wasn't a good cook but was optimistic.
“i loved listening to him (play guitar), loved the sound of the guitar in the house. sometimes i would start to talk and he'd be so deep in thought about the lyrics or the melody he was writing that he wouldn't answer. we’d be the same room but he wasn't really with me: he was in his head.”
pattie developed a kidney disorder.
(talking about the beatles dynamic) “in many aspects they were still children. they had few real friends apart from each other, and when they were asked questions they could answer as one - they were so much on each other’s wavelength. if one went to a gallery opening, they all went; if one bought a new car or new house, they all did. if one seemed in danger of taking himself too seriously, the others knocked it out of him.”
one evening george stopped the car and said, “let’s get married. i'll speak to brian.” they went to brian’s house, george went inside, and when he came back in the car he said, “brian says it’s okay. will you marry me? we can get married in january.”
briannnnnnn, is it my turn to get married yet pleaseeeee
pattie invited her absent father to their wedding but he did not come.
at the train station everyone left cynthia behind as she was carrying the suitcases and john was carrying nothing. peter brown had to go back and get her.
pattie’s quote from the lsd in the coffee moment is hilarious to me. “you've just had lsd. it was in the coffee.” john lennon: “how dare you fucking do this to us?”
pattie and george didn't go to brian’s funeral in liverpool but george sent one single sunflower.
pattie stopped modeling because george didnt like it. and she felt like she lost a part of herself.
maureen was afraid of flies.
during the India trip, mia farrow told john that maharishi was inappropriate with her and john wanted everyone leave after that.
after India george and pattie’s relationship changed.
(talking about george) “some days he would be all right, but on others he seemed withdrawn and depressed. this was new: he had never been depressed before, but there was nothing i could do. it wasn't about me, but i found that my moods started to mirror his...so bad indeed, that at times i felt almost suicidal. i don't think i was ever in any real danger of killing myself, but i got as far as working out how i would do it: i would put on a diaphanous ossie clark dress and jump off beachy head.”
george became more obvious about his cheating. it hurt pattie.
george was gaslighting her.
cilla black was staying at george and pattie’s house and was uncomfortably close to george so pattie left. six days latter george called to tell her the girl was gone and she could come home.
“..but my ego was too fragile and i couldn't see it as anything other than betrayal. i felt unloved and miserable.”
“jane asher came home unexpectedly from new york and found another woman in the house, an american girl - and did what i should probably have done with george...”
george would start to talk about his feelings about paul or john but would stop bc he never wanted to admit that he felt left out.
“we had once been so close, so honest and open with each other. now a distance had developed between us..”
(about yoko contributing to the beatles break up) “the four had never allowed anyone into the recording studios with them, but yoko not only sat by john throughout every session, he consulted her about the music they were making, which upset paul.”
during the let it be sessions there was a time with george and paul got in a fist fight and george left.
the same day john told George he was leaving the beatles, george’s mom told him she was ill and in critical condition.
i love that she vibe checked george. “he was bringing home bad vibes.”
george continued cheating and they continued arguing.
“my diary is full of entries about my unhappiness and the disintegration of our relationship.”
john came to visit george and pattie’s new mansion and said that it was so dark he didn't know how they could live in it, and george recommended that he took of his sunglasses.
eric clapton being a piece of shit and saying “if you won't be with me pattie i will become addicted to heroin.”
pattie said the only thing she had left was cooking and george took that away.
the couple was suppose to go on holiday together but george cancelled last minute bc he didn't want to go with her. he ended up going to spain.
“when i challenged him, he denied it and tried once again to make me feel as though i was paranoid.”
i'm not even...the whole fucking story of the george and maureen affair PISSES ME OFF more than i can describe. maybe i’ll make a whole other post but omfg i'm fuming. fuck them bothhhh. they deserve no rights.
george harrison, mere days before their wedding anniversary: “let’s get a divorce this year.” what an amazing new years resolution jerk.
ringo offered pattie a job.
when george told ringo about the affair pattie was so mad she dyed her hair red.
george loved pattie’s little brother and was his role model but he wouldn't come to the man’s wedding even though he was invited.
the night pattie told george she was leaving him george came to bed in sadness and said, “don't go.”
“i'm going.”
george invited pattie to dhani’s eighteenth birthday party bc she “had to be there. she was family.”
george had become more of an older brother to her now.
pattie had learned about john’s death from eric clapton and immediately went to the beatles office in london to hang out with everyone there.
(after finding out about george’s death) “i couldn't bare the thought of a world without george. when i left him for eric, he had said that if things didn't work out, ever, i could always come to him and he would look after me. it was such a selfless, loving, generous thing to say and it had always been tucked away at the back of my mind. now that sense of security had gone.”
the last time they saw each other was when george called saying he wanted to visit her new cottage and see her.
pattie didn't go to his funeral nor did she go to the memorial concert that took place a year later. but she spent that day high on the mountains thinking of george. “i was happy to mourn him alone and in my own way.”
she would have dreams of george after his death. “oh george, it’s so wonderful that you are alive after all, this is so fabulous; i knew they had all made a mistake.”
and then she’d wake up.
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The Writers are out to play today
-the fact Veronica lives in the same apartment building as Buck
-Buck to Albert "We have to move"
-That whole Turkey scene with Buck and Eddie (I'm still laughing about it)
-That look Hen and Buck gave each other as the Turkey call ended
-The fact that there was a Turkey call in the first place
-That one woman that was listing off all the people she gave synthesized weed to
-Albert giving TV relationship advice
-Buck's whole date, I felt so bad for him
-"But I was there first"
-"I think he's onto us" - May Grant
-Bobby running with Michael's idea
-The trash run (omg, so fucking hilarious)
-"Michael did help me break into a bank vault once"
-(Though this story line of the off the books surgery stuff is not funny, but I love the fact that it's Michael, David, and Bobby all together figuring this shit out...but they needed to loop in Athena)
-(I support the amatuer detectives)
-(I don't like Hen's mom rn)
-(Loving the Hen and Karen moments)
-Athena's look when Michael congratulates his Detective skills
-(Now I feel a little bad about my previous judgement of Hen's mom, but I stand by it because it wasn't right for her to treat Hen that way when she was younger. Like, because she was proud, she shouldn't have made those demeaning comments towards her "isn't she too old for Med School")
-"Sometimes tomorrow shows up and bites you in the ass" -story of my life
-(I do want Hen and her mom to have a relationship though...it seems like it could be good for both of them)
-(I love the compilation at the end)
-OMG ALBERT AND VERONICA
-Buck: "Now I NEED TO MOVE" is the sentiment of that look Buck gave Albert
___
LS
-the saturation drop is the funniest
-"Have I hit the arc of the covenent? Have I gone too far?"
- Lmao owen and gwyn's conversations always get me - it moves so fast and it always has a joke or two during it
-"did you just call me fat?" (call back to Buck's disaster date earlier)
- "there's gonna be swapping?"
-Owen is a little bit of a control freak
-(LOVE PARAMEDIC TK)
-"I don't need to check the other one, right?"
-(Detective Paul at your service, love it)
-The blenders? Owen, seriously? XD
-"This is a hostile takeover"
-(I have a cat slow tea steeper, so I support that addition)
-"You shoot one holiday play vertically..."
-TK antagonizing the team, lol
-(Nancy is trying...and I think she likes having TK on board, but she has some grief to also work through...and I think TK needs to read the room a little to see that)
-but the "Live in it a minute" line sent me
-"no offense, but is this your first day?"
-"TK, any metal in your body I need to know about?"
-lol, underdressed firemen and paramedics
-(Nancy is jealous, which she doesn't need to be...they're a team)
-lol, the cups are at the station
-"the hillbilly grin"
-"New little Texan" - I love you Judd
-"tiny coffee cups"
-TK is being a rule pusher
-Omg, TK, that's not what the siren is for
-(oof, I feel equally bad for Tommy and her kid)
-But the "are you going to ask," Nancy throws TK...I did let out a small laugh
-(TARLOS!!!!!!!!!)
-"Nancy hates my guts" (TK, she doesn't hate you...she's still grieving.) (it's like you're now her younger sibling, she's going through the mini crisis you had when you found out about your brother)
-(love Carlos trying to being the sensible one) (Beautiful Tarlos scene)
-(Good Grace and Tommy)
-(Enzo? Seriously? Same, Owen, agreed. He gets to be a little pissed.)
-The bowl "it's too beautiful"
-"I need you to spit in this cup" and Owen's face (though I hate that they're having this drama. Like, please *eye roll*)
- (Charles, I support him supporting Tommy...don't be mad at him, he was trying to help)
-lmao, food fight (love that) (the family feels!!!!!)
-(TK bringing everyone together!!!! I freaking support it!!!! This is part of the reason why I love the idea of Paramedic!TK)
-Sloth Tea steeper! Love it!
-"the otter...""It's a sloth"
-"It's sloth urine"
-(one thing, the baby isn't an it. We found out it's a boy.)
-(I don't like this pregnancy storyline, but seriously?)
-(Owen, no but I feel)
-(I don't feel safe after the promo)
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How about that WandaVision finale?
I have been MCU trash pretty much since 2008's "Iron Man," and it's currently a great time to be MCU trash. "WandaVision" is one of the few series that not only kept me coming back week after week, but actually amounted to much more than just a gimmicky twist (I'm looking at you, "Behind Her Eyes." Seriously, that show is soap opera drivel with a shocking double twist as its only captivating trait...and the double twist wasn't handled very well anyway)
In the end "WandaVision" was about overcoming grief and accepting reality.
Spoilers ahead!
The "WandaVision" finale was quite good overall, but there were a few disappointments. I'll address the latter first:
We never found out who was in witness protection. At the beginning of the series, Jimmy Woo stated there was someone trapped in West View who was in the witness protection program, and it seemed like it would be a key subplot but ultimately, it didn't lead anywhere. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be seen as anything more than some...random bit of information, but it is odd that they put such a specific detail into the story in the first place if it wasn't going to lead anywhere. Then again, supposedly we may get more questions answered in "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness," so this subplot may not have been wasted after all.
There were so many theories floating around hinting at who the true villain was behind the scenes, including Mephisto, Nightmare, Grim Reaper, and Chthon. All seemed like valid enemy choices, especially Mephisto as many clues appeared to lead to him, and Grim Reaper due to his helmet making an appearance in the opening credits of episode two. However, there wasn't a big baddie hiding in the shadows, and Agatha Harkness and Tyler Hayward were the only villains. Then again, that doesn't mean there isn't an ultimate villain lurking out there who could appear in "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness," but it kind of sucks we have to wait until 2022 to find out.
I wanted White Vision to go to Wanda and get together with her since Hex Vision restored his memories. But White Vision just flew off and wasn't seen again for the rest of the episode. I guess he needed time to process all the memories that had just flooded his high advanced robot mind, which is understandable because it was a lot to take in. I would have liked to see him make another appearance in the episode, though, even if it was at the very end with Wanda in her secluded cabin. I just want them to be happy together, ok?
Evan Peters wasn't actually Quicksilver/Peter Maximoff from the "X-Men" movies but someone named Ralph Bohner. This must be the Ralph Agatha referred to numerous times throughout the series but was never shown (not until the later episodes, that is). It does seem a bit weird -- off-putting, really -- that Evan wasn't Quicksilver from an alternate timeline. It would have made sense, and would have been a nice sampling of the "Multiverse of Madness," but in the end, he was just...Ralph. I honestly, don't get it, though: Why choose Evan Peters for such a random role when he was Quicksilver in the "X-Men" movies, and we are getting into the Multiverse part of the MCU storyline? Also, what happened to him in the end? After Monica freed him from Agatha's magic, we never saw him again. So....? What gives?
Although this is more of a personal gripe than anything, I was seriously hoping Doctor Strange would appear in the finale, even if it was in a post-credits scene. It would have been an excellent lead in for "Multiverse of Madness," and I just really love Benedict Cumberbatch's portrayal of the character. But again, this isn't really a flaw with the "WandaVision" series and is more of a pet peeve.
Also another peeve: What happened to Señor Scratchy?
I can't even say that there was a lot to be disappointed in with the finale, though. The lack of an "ultimate big bad meanie" isn't so bad. The series was more focused on Wanda running from her grief, having it smother her, and then earning her acceptance. Agatha and Hayward were sufficient as "true villains" of the series.
The only big issues are Evan Peters being a random dude named Ralph, and the weird subplot of a missing witness that ended up leading nowhere (for now?)
There was plenty of good in the "WandaVision" finale!
Wanda finally donning a scarlet outfit and crow reminiscent of what she wears in the comics was totally bad ass. It looked fantastic, and it shows she's now understanding herself and her powers much more. She isn't naïve about any of it, and is ready to learn how to control and enhance her abilities. Initially, she didn't want to be seen as a witch but ultimately, it is her destiny, and she chose to accept it without fear.
The second and final post-credits scene with Wanda making tea in her secret cabin in the mountains was interesting to say the least. Physical(?) Wanda was doing daily task while her astral projection -- which featured her in her costume -- was studying the book of dark spells (or "Book of the Damned," as Agatha called it). This is a funny nod to 2016's "Doctor Strange" considering Doctor Strange's physical form would sleep while his astral form would study magic. The difference, though, is Wanda is reading from the Book of the Damned, which can't be a good thing. Also, it almost indicates she has two personalities: Wanda Maximoff and Scarlet Witch, and I like that idea. She may have to wrestle with herself internally in the near future.
I was so glad that White Vision was able to regain his memories of his past -- and true? -- self thanks to Hex Vision. I hope White Vision will go to Wanda and reunite with her, but I'm not sure when that will happen. Paul Bettany isn't listed in the cast for "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness" so...I'm really confused. White Vision still exists and is somewhere but...where? When? How? The cast list for "Multiverse of Madness" is very short, though, and Paul's upcoming films and series list ends in 2020 so...maybe it's meant to be a secret? The movie isn't due out until next year so it COULD be the case. Otherwise, it seems like a huge oversight on the MCU's part to just forget about White Vision. It would be a pleasant surprise if he shows up in "Multiverse of Madness" to help Wanda from doing bad things, losing control, or whatever?
Scarlet Witch is supposedly stronger than the Sorcerer Supreme, which is kind of awesome but kind of troubling because Doctor Strange may not have the best time in "Multiverse of Madness" is he is to confront her. This is why I hold on to the theory that White Vision may appear in the movie to aid Doctor Strange by calming Wanda down. Either way, knowing she is so powerful and at the same time, a very emotional person, hints at an epic fight in the near future.
I really liked how Wanda tricked Agatha into stealing her chaos magic. I was wondering why Wanda was missing with some of her chaos magic spheres, but assumed she was just growing tired and weak and was losing focus. Then it's revealed that she wasn't missing her shots -- she was placing large runes on the Hex's walls to prevent Agatha from using her magic. Then this allowed Wanda to take back her powers and steal some of Agatha's, which, in turn, made her accept her role as the Scarlet Witch. Agatha is punished by being trapped as nosy neighbor Agnes in West View, but I don't think it's the last we'll see of her.
I'm glad Wanda was able to finally accept Vision's death as that was what had caused all this mess in the first place. Despite what she did, she was a sympathetic "villain," if you can even consider her one. She was overwhelmed by grief and found a way to cope...she just happened to drag a small town into her world. Oops.
Monica's powers continuing to evolve was amazing, like how she managed to stop the bullets Hayward attempted to fire at Billy and Tommy. I really like Monica's character and the actress, Teyonah Parris, is very talented, so I'm excited to see more of her in Phase Four.
While it was expected, it was ultimately the right decision to let the people of West View go free. Even if they still resent Wanda for trapping them previously, they are given the chance to return to their normal lives without any harm done to them (well, maybe some mental and emotional trauma but, hey, who doesn't deal with these things in life, right?)
Some things I want to make note of:
Paul Bettany is a fucking troll and I love it! He had hinted at a surprise cameo later in the "WandaVision" series, which would involve working with an actor he's always wanted to work with. This caused a lot of speculation as to who it would be, although, Benedict Cumberbatch was the top choice since Doctor Strange and Vision never had screen time together, and Benedict is a great actor (then again, so is Paul, although, he's underrated, I think). Then there were rumors of Al Pacino being the surprise cameo since he was a major influence on Paul, and there were theories Al would show up as a secret villain like Nightmare. Turns out the secret surprise cameo was Paul Bettany himself since he played both Hex Vision and White Vision, and the two did fight for a bit before having a philosophical chat which led to White Vision regaining his memories. So, yeah, Paul Bettany is Troll of the Year. I guess I was initially disappointed that the big reveal wasn't really a big reveal, but I quickly realized how hilarious it was that Paul played us all so well. He's probably laughing his ass off right now at everyone's "WTFFF?" reactions.
I know Elizabeth Olsen was criticized for her poor Russian accent, but I think she's a very good actress and love her portrayal of Wanda. I mean, accents can be a bitch to master, I get it, and sometimes, I think if the performance is still impressive, we can learn to be unbothered if the accent is off.
I noticed that Chiwetel Ejiofor is returning as Karl Mordo in "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness," so perhaps he will be the main villain or a secondary villain? He has to be a villain since he is hunting down sorcerers to take their powers. Maybe he wants to take Wanda's powers, too? I mean, she's a sorcerer of sorts, so...maybe that is going to be a plot point? Although, Mordo is probably way out of his depth against her but we shall see.
I kind of still want Mephisto or Nightmare to appear in Phase Four since they have been hyped so much due to clues in "WandaVision." I don't think Wanda will be the big baddie for Phase Four, I just don't see it. Also, I don't see Mordo as being the big baddie, either. Both are very single-minded in their goals, and yeah, Thanos was, too, but he dragged the entire universe into his insane and devastating goal. I don't think Wanda or Mordo have such grand and deadly intentions. Wanda just wants her kids back and Mordo wants to get rid of sorcerers as...revenge against the Ancient One's "betrayal?" I don't know...but I don't think he wants to take over the universe. I never read the comics, though, so I could be wrong.
In the second post-credits scene of the "WandaVision" finale," we see Wanda's astral self studying dark magic from the Book of the Damned, and Billy and Tommy suddenly call out to her. I am guessing she could have been studying spells to see if there was anything that could bring them back since, unlike Vision, they were a creation unique to her from the start. Vision was initially a new, more powerful, more durable body for Ultron, then he was given Jarvis' AI and became, uh, the Vision, so, he never "belonged" to her. Getting her kids back, however, may prove to be a problem for the universe because it could lead to multiverse madness. I'm so funny, I know.
As disappointing as it was for Evan Peters to presumably be some dude named Ralph Bohner and not the "X-Men" movieverse Quicksilver/Peter Maximoff, maybe it makes sense when you really think about it. Marvel owns the rights to the X-Men now because Disney owns Marvel and Disney purchased the rights through their merger with 21st Century Fox. Marvel plans to reboot the X-Men with "The Mutants" movie sometime soon, and that means characters will be recast. They kind of have to because the current cast's movie series has hit a dead end with "Apocalypse" and "Dark Phoenix" proving to be underwhelming. I do wonder how Marvel will breathe fresh life into the X-Men in the movieverse because I feel like there is X-Men fatigue right now? Or maybe it's just me. I've grown disappointed with the franchise and am sort of annoyed at a reboot because it may be too soon. But, hey, hopefully I'm proven wrong!
Marvel also has rights to the Fantastic Four, which means we may actually finally get a good Fantastic Four movie! Three attempts have been made so far (yes, three), and they all failed to impress with the last attempt being an embarrassment. I mean, it was a disaster as nearly everyone hated how boring and bland and choppy it was, and that is reflected in its pitiful earnings. On a budge of $120-155 million, the 2015 "Fantastic Four" movie only grossed $167.9 million globally. OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF.
Phew, that was a huge post, but got all my thoughts out. Considering how shitty things have been since the abomination of 2020 was born, and with little hope for things to improve anytime soon (I have my own problems as well, which aren't going away anytime soon, either, hahaha T__T), it's refreshing to have some stuff to be happy about. Some people hate the MCU, some people have lost interest, and some people may just be indifferent, but I'm definitely and MCU fan and it makes me feel excited and giddy, two things I don't experience often anymore :\
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or in a reblog, but no hate and no "cancel culture" talk. I want to keep this post positive.
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“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 1
Here are my extremely unfashionably late takes! They’re long, so strap in if you want.
okay, I genuinely thought the scenes in Gumb’s basement were ripped from the film for a second. extremely well done.
I both appreciate that they’re acknowledging the Bureau-mandated psych eval Clarice would have to go through (not sure she’d have to have another one a year later?)...
...but I sure wish they hadn’t chosen to open this show in a therapy-like session. it’s going to be subject to enough NBC comparisons as it is.
gosh, Rebecca Breeds is so pretty, and in the same almost, idk, elfin kind of way Jodie Foster is.
“Bride of Frankenstein”! a novel reference! and a Hannibal Lecter reference even though they can’t use his name! I’m excited
I was afraid of this part, though--everyone’s going to call her “Clarice” aren’t they?
it’s very significant that in the books, Hannibal is virtually alone in using her first name to address her; even Ardelia calls her “Starling.” but of course this series chose “Clarice” as its title, so...
“the checkout lady at the Safeway asked me to autograph a melon” omg
so Clarice has supposedly been “mandated” to see an FBI therapist for an entire year? hmm.
tbh, this feels kind of like a proxy for Hannibal’s scenes in the movie, especially with the therapist calling her “Clarice.” not sure if I dig it.
“...given that your last therapist was an inmate” Hannibal reference #2!
they’re explicitly talking about Hannibal without being able to name him and it’s hilarious, frustrating, and immensely satisfying all at once.
there’s no way to avoid talking about him altogether without being disingenuous to Clarice’s eventual character arc, so I’m glad they’re ripping off the band-aid early
“you let that relationship be intimate” Yeah, Clarice and Hannibal’s relationship IS intimate and YOU! SHOULD! SAY IT!!!
it’s kind of ridiculous for this guy/the show not to acknowledge that little trainee Clarice was sent to see Hannibal by someone who should’ve known better. That Crawford was doing it with the intention to save lives doesn’t mean he didn’t use the shit out of Clarice.
that’s not to take away her agency or minimize the choices she made after she met Hannibal. She wouldn’t have been in a position to make those choices if Crawford hadn’t arranged it, though.
even if they don’t have the rights to Crawford’s name, either (I have to assume that’s the case) couldn’t they at least mention this??
“hasn’t seen her own family in years” Are they actually going to address Clarice’s maybe-dead-maybe-not mother (depending on the canon they adopt, book or film) and possible siblings??? Please tell me they are!
Clarice’s “egregious” PTSD doesn’t have much to do with Buffalo Bill ofc, and this therapist seems to be making excuses to be the first in a long line of men getting in the way of Clarice’s career goals...
...which she recognizes and confronts him about. Call him out!!!
*Anthony Hopkins voice* That’s my girl.
the way she’s been written in this scene gives me a lot of hope going forward! she’s funny, she doesn’t take any sexist bullshit, she’s calm and polite but you get a glimpse of the rage underneath.
wow, they promoted Senator Martin to Attorney General!
the opening credits (if you can even call them that) are a let-down, though
she has her beads!
can anyone who’s not Hannibal please stop calling her Clarice
wonder if they’re going to touch on any of the extreme tension that existed between Senator Martin and Clarice in the novel? they didn’t interact in the movie, but in the book, Martin is under intense stress, and it doesn’t go smoothly.
of course in “Hannibal,” Martin invites her to “ride horses,” so they obviously reconciled after Catherine’s rescue and kept in some kind of touch.
and speak of the devil: horses! (and Catherine)
“I can’t have a reputation, I’ve only done it once” Thank you for being the voice of reason, Clarice.
“Paul Krendler” *ugly screaming commences*
“you don’t have any people, Clarice” Aaand that’s the plot of the Hannibal novel!
looks like they even gave her the ring Jodie’s Clarice wears!
oh yeah, this Krendler looks like a sumbitch if I ever saw one. No one will ever be as perfectly cast as the dude in Silence imo, but a much better fit than Ray Liotta.
“small carat, but it’s a sweet ring” A very in-character observation probably directly informed by her comments about nail polish in Silence.
she mentions this victim’s nail polish (!) being “tasteful,” and I shrieked a little again.
I understand it’s necessary for Krendler to be a douche, but there’s not even going to be any payoff for the audience (or Clarice) when Hannibal eats him, so boo.
wait...wait, why aren’t Clarice and Ardelia in their Alexandria duplex? They’re not just best friends, they’re roommates! For the entire seven-year story! GIVE ME THE DUPLEX!!!
BUT points for Ardelia bringing Clarice a treat, since she was always leaving her candy bars in the Silence book!
Clarice interacting with the washer/dryer is a nice nod to the books, too.
speaking of... “What did we learn in the laundry room back at Quantico?” For some reason this line made me actually cry, I guess because this whole episode has been such a love letter to something I love so dearly, and it’s making me emotional.
FIRST PRINCIPLES!
DESPERATELY RANDOM!!!
wow, the men in Clarice’s new office giving her lotion as a hazing “welcome” gift is awful, and now I’m just mad (which is the point of the scene ofc).
so this ex-military OC is the John Brigham stand-in, I take it?
if that means John Brigham won’t be here, No Thanks.
Clarice telling him she’ll drive...a tribute to Dana “Why Do You Always Have to Drive?” Scully, perhaps (who was herself inspired by Clarice) as well as a nod to Clarice’s love of cars?
“Why do they call you the bride of Frankenstein?” Sorry, I don’t have the legal rights to tell you about my last intimate relationship.
“Already on my way to West Virginia Granny Witch” Look, this show could crash and burn from this scene on, and it would still have been worth it just for these first 25 minutes.
I like that Clarice is shown wanting to help people, and the scene of her with the baby is a nice call-back to the eventual shoot-out at the beginning of “Hannibal”...but I hope they don’t try to domesticate her too much. Clarice needs her hard edges. To be tough (reasonably so)--a cub growing into its big cat’s claws.
also, somehow I doubt that Miss Valedictorian spent her six years in the Lutheran home “changing a lot of diapers,” but sure, okay. If her siblings are alive in this, she might have changed their diapers!
even though Krendler’s a real dickwad so far, he’s not slimy enough for me. Needs more grease.
“I got a call from your therapist who’s concerned that you might genuinely flip out” I really do not like this subplot Sam-I-Am. Aren’t the huge glass ceiling/Boys’ Club obstacles enough?
seriously, though, I know Hannibal tells her that the metaphorical lambs will come back--at the end of Silence, though, she’s at some kind of temporary peace, not in danger of “flipping out” any time soon.
if Esquivel really is our Brigham stand-in, I’ve got...problems with that. He was Clarice’s teacher and became her friend, not some Krendler double-agent. (Also worried they’re setting him up as a love interest for her which...eesh, no thanks.)
and sorry, I actually hate that Catherine kept Precious the dog in this.
I have no problem with Catherine being a character, or with her interacting with Clarice...that said, I don’t know if her being shown as severely traumatized and reaching out to Clarice as a form of emotional lifeline is...a good idea?
I understand the symbolism of Catherine’s smashed mirror, but...smashed mirrors are already a Thing in this series (albeit not Clarice’s chapter in it), and that’s all I can think of here.
Catherine’s a victim of unthinkable trauma. Nevertheless...she’s talking to the woman who saved her life. Who risked death to do it. I just don’t like the way this scene is written. Apparently, in this show’s canon, Catherine hasn’t gotten the help she needs. But Clarice isn’t her therapist, and it’s upsetting to have Catherine being all “I’ll never be safe and neither will you.”
how does Catherine remember “the mannequins, the autopsy table”?? And why is she throwing them in Clarice’s face?
I’m going to stop talking about this scene now because it’s making me angry and a little upset, which is maybe the point? I just don’t think it’s written well. If Catherine’s going to be a recurring character, I hope she’s shown getting professional, medical help.
Clarice finding the victim’s papers in the box of pads is a direct callback to her finding the photos in the jewelry box in Silence. Nice.
let’s agree that Hannibal and Crawford are both in Ardelia’s (too-cutesy-for-me) book
another nice little X-Files homage?
I have some qualms about that big climax, but...meh. It was capital-F Fine.
Yikes, this is a full week late. Thanks for reading this entirely-too-long post through to the end, if you’re still here!
To sum up my thoughts...
The Good:
the visual connections to the Silence film (that green coat/blue knit scarf combo in particular)
Rebecca Breeds’ performance overall so far
Clarice’s strong writing/characterization
her sense of humor and her inclination to call out bullshit
maybe it was just me, but I also got a sense of Hannibal’s influence on her in some of her dialogue--her blunt observations--and I love it
Ardelia Mapp
the repeated in-your-face references to Hannibal Lecter
the respectful, non-exploitative way the victims were treated by the narrative.
let’s just say, not all Harris-inspired shows managed to do this. :)
the many, many allusions to the novel
“you let that relationship be INTIMATE” !!!
The Bad:
the near-constant implication that all Clarice’s trauma stems from her experiences in Gumb’s basement
I just don’t understand this one...it’s not supported by the text imo
the “Clarice-is-a-psychological-loose-canon” subplot
almost everyone calling her “Clarice”
NO DUPLEX IN ALEXANDRIA! Boo!
Esquivel maybe replacing Brigham
the narrative choices they’ve made surrounding Catherine so far.
Seriously: please let Catherine seek/get help instead of screaming “HELP ME” at Clarice, who after all risked her own life to save Catherine’s, over the phone.
The Ugly: Paul Krendler, lol. Confession time: I also don’t care for the way they’ve styled her hair. Not sure why it bugs me, it just...does.
Overall, I’m thrilled to death with this. I was so afraid it would be disappointing, so even if it’s not a five-star episode (and pilots rarely are), it’s a great beginning! It’s beyond amazing to see our girl on the screen again. Just this hour-long episode did her character way more justice than the entire Hannibal film. Despite its shortcomings, it’s such a loving homage to characters and a story that mean a lot to me, and I love it just for that.
Going forward, I’d like to see more of Clarice as a person. Her hobbies and interests--cars, sharpshooting, running, fashion magazines stuffed under her bed, horseback riding, her total inability to cook...anything would do. I of course want to see more of her with Ardelia. I want to hear more about her backstory and find out which version of it (truly orphaned when her father dies or sent away by her mother) they’ll choose to explore. And while we all agree that this show is about Clarice and she don’t need no man, I won’t lie: I’d gobble up more sly references to Hannibal. He’s her endgame, after all.
I’d also like to really see the warrior underneath. There are flashes of her in the last twenty minutes of this episode. But Clarice Starling is a big cat, she’s a warrior, she’s between iron and silver. I’d hate for her to spend most of this show doe-eyed and traumatized. I want her to be ferocious, to see the woman who’s a match for the monster.
Krendler needs to get nastier. He should make us feel like we need to shower. In the novels, he wants to use Clarice--only for her body. And when she won’t allow him to, he takes his revenge. That’s what makes him so particularly awful. Let’s amp him up here.
And finally...maybe I’ll appreciate Catherine’s scene more on a second watch. Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough to her trauma, her struggles. But I didn’t like the way that scene was staged or scripted, and I didn’t like the suggestion that she just hasn’t gotten help after a year and is subsequently taking her pain out on Clarice on some level. I hope future episodes handle this subplot, and her character, a bit better.
Please let me know if you guys would like me to do another of these monstrosities for the next episode. (I promise it won’t take me an entire week this time!) And thank you again for reading!!!
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UK Episode Five
UK Hun?
I know I haven't at all talked about Drag Race UK this season, but I have ~opinions~ and my flatmate is getting bored of me so here we are.
First episode back after lockdown! I feel so bad for these queens, started filming, get sent home for seven months, have no idea if/when they're going to start filming again, lose income for 7 months, it must have been so awful. But I'm glad they're all back! Except poor Veronica who got covid - I hope they do a Eureka and invite her back for season 3, I feel like she had so much more to show!
Of course they brought someone back to replace her, typical drag race gag, but nice that someone else got another chance! Having said that, it should have been Astina. She didn't deserve to go home in the first place, imo. I do think it was kind of harsh to throw that at everyone first thing though! Like the eliminated three didn't get to do anything to even fight for it, and for all the remaining queens, like its been seven months! Who remembers things that long?? Not me, that's for damn sure. I think that was kind of harsh, and I think a lot of people did go for Joe maybe as a safe choice, like there's always an argument for the queen who went home first, they didn't really get to show much. You know what I wish, I wish those three had been a group for the Eurovision (I refuse to say Rurovision) challenge, and then everyone got a chance to vote someone back. That would have felt fairer somehow.
Anyway. I was initially really glad we got Joe back, because I really felt like she did have more to show. I was soon to be disappointed, however 😂
I do love the music challenges, and I adore MNEK, I hope he is like the permanent music judge. One of my favourite moments was him, I think it was after Bimini's first take, going "well...its good that we have that..." very like Chrissy Teigen 😬 that was so funny to me, I loved it.
1. A'Whora
Before the covid break I really didn't like A'Whora, but I feel like she's come back a bit more relaxed, a bit more open, and I liked her so much more this episode. I feel like maybe when she came back she was a bit more relaxed because she knew (kind of) what she was walking into, so she felt a but more at home, maybe. Anyway, I think she did really well this week! She's not a singer, but she leaned into this moany sexy thing that some people do do at Eurovision, and hey, sex sells! I think it was a smart choice for her.
Her look as well... amazing. You guys it was a bag of chips! She had wooden forks as her earrings! The font of the newspaper was to scale! She was carrying a salt shaker! It was so sick, I loved it. I loved seeing her be fashion and polished and beautiful, but also whimsy and funny at the same time! Great week for A'Whora.
2. Bimini Bon Boulash
We LOOOOOOOVE Bimini Bon Boulash! For me, she was the absolute stand out this week, I just adored her! Her verse was amazing, her lyrics were great, her very East London attitude was everything, I just loved it. And her outfit! That mad pink cowboy barbie? Incredible! Also, so Eurovision. And the jump off the stool! That lives in my head rent free. "Somebody do a death drop or summing!" Perfect. The whole performance was amazing.
Also her runway looooooook! It was so beautiful, so fashion, I was getting Gautier from that lace and the umbrella... everything about it to me was so perfect. I know it was a team win, but to me Bimini absolutely killed it, and she was my winner 🥰🥰
3. Ellie Diamond
I love Ellie, but honestly I think she's too young for this competition. She's so great, but if you give her just a couple more years, she's going to be absolutely unstoppable. I think she did pretty well this week, her lyrics were fun, she is a dancer, she performed great! I do agree with Michelle, she did look a little bit like she was in her head for a lot of the performance, but that just comes with confidence, and when you've not performed for 7 months and then suddenly you're on the main stage, that's got to be super nerve wracking!
I also think Ellie was a victim of a bad group this week. I think the group as a whole didn't have a lot of direction or focus, the choreography wasn't that great, they didn't really feel like a group. It was unfortunate. I feel like she did the best she could.
I kind of loved her runway, I think the seagull thing was hilarious! She was a human size seagull! That's hysterical. The only thing I kind of wish is that she'd had ridiculous padding on. Like, what's funnier than a giant seagull with huge tits in a bikini. I think that's so funny.
4. Joe Black
Oh Joe. I was excited for Joe to come back, but as soon as she walked out to the Eurovision challenge in that dress with that wig and a belt, I knew it was over.
I'll get into the dress H&M/Primark drama in a second, but first let's talk about the actual challenge. Joe's lyrics were pretty good, but the way she performed them was just so at odds with the track. It's cheesy Euro pop, you know? I just feel like she could have done things differently. And then with the choreo...look I don't expect anyone to walk in being a great dancer and doing flips and splits and all that, but I just felt like she didn't even really try with the moves Ellie and Tia wanted to do. Maybe that was the edit, I don't know. I also feel like, as team leader, she could have found some solutions, like they could've had Tia & Ellie doing these amazing moves, and Sister & Joe could have done something more simple, or they could have found some comedy Joe could lean into while the others were dancing, but it just seemed like they didn't even try and find a way around it? It was just a bit weird to me.
And then she came out for the runway, and it was like chalk and cheese. Joe Black had by far and away the best runway look of the night. That's one of my favourite things that's ever been worn on UK Drag Race, it was amazing. But it was also like girl if you can do that, why were you wearing H&M during the main challenge? And like, I'd get it, if that dress was beautiful, or bold, or she'd used it as a base and done something to it, but it wasn't. It was so basic, and she even said she knew it was basic, and it didn't even fit her right. It was just so disappointing.
Honestly, I understand what Ru was saying about not wanting to see off the rack. I can't believe I'm about to be defending Transphobia Paul, but I actually kind of agree. And it's not about money, I don't think anyone has to spend loads of money to be a good drag queen, I think its just about it being a Look. A Moment. Like this is internationally available TV. And you're going to come out to perform in a dress off the sale rack that you just threw on and belted? I just find that disappointing. And I get what people are saying about Astina in week 1 winning with an off the rack outfit, but at least she did something with it. I mean, first of all it at least was a cool jacket. But then she built this outfit, and sold a character, she gave us an East London Moment, and it didn't matter that the jacket was from ASOS.
Joe didn't give us anything with that dress. She did nothing with it, and she didn't give us a character or a presentation, it was just an ugly dress. But then she came out in that incredible runway look, why such a disconnect? And I know that it was covid, and everyone had a loss of income, but girl the filming started before that. Like Joe should have already had the wardrobe for the season all ready before the lockdown. And if she didn't, she had 7 months to do literally anything with that dress. Stone it, glitter it, paint it, dye it, wreck it with bleach, make it a top, make it a jacket, do SOMETHING! You know? Also, that runway look? Idk if she made it or commissioned it, but baby that was not cheap. That took time, and energy, and effort, and money, so I'm calling bullshit on "maybe she could only afford a sale rack H&M dress 😔". Bullshit, Vivienne.
I was just so disappointed in Joe. I'm glad she went home.
5. Lawrence Chaney
I was worried for Lawrence this week! She's not known for being a singer or a dancer, and she was the only plus size girl in her group. As a big bitch myself I know it can be intimidating to be surrounded by thin people, especially when you're doing things you're not confident in.
But bitch she fucking turned it out this week! She wrote good lyrics, she kept up with the choreography, but most importantly, she performed the song. Like she leaned into not being a good dancer, she didn't look unsure or awkward, she just did it. I love that about Lawrence, she always just gives it her best, and I respect the hell out of it.
Her day at the seaside look was cute. It was a little bit obvious, a little bit literal, but it was well made, it fit her beautifully, and she looked fantastic. She did the assignment, and tbh I'm happy with that. She did a good job, and I'm proud of her!
6. Sister Sister
Honesly, the fact that Tia Kofi was in the bottom two when Sister Sister was right there is a fucking hate crime.
I genuinely forgot Sister Sister even existed. Like the only memorable thing she has done all season is her Morning Talk Show goth, and that was painful to watch. And she spends all her confessionals just bitching and moaning about other people! She spent the whole Talk Show episode complaining about Veronica and saying she didn't wanna work with her, but bitch what did you do?? If you think someone else is boring, you should have no trouble out shining them! And then she didn't!
I'm over it with her. Her performance wasn't that good, her lyrics weren't that good, and then her runway look was like the Wish version of A'Whora's.
I'm not totally certain that I buy that Sister stole it as a concept from A'Whora, but... maybe? Like, if Sister had really seen A'Whora's when they were filming the first time, and Sister had something totally different back then... I can see that maybe she thought "oh, thats a way better idea". All I know is, if you're gonna do the same look as someone else, you better leave them in the dust; and she didn't. She should have been lipsyncing this week.
7. Tayce
Tayce really pulled it out this week! Her rap was one of the best performances in the whole show, she killed it! Her lyrics were great, she really delivered them like a rapper, and them she performed the hell out of the song! Loved it. The only things I had to say about Tayce was that she seemed like the odd one out in the group in terms of outfits? Like everyone else went very Eurovision, cheesy pop pink, and she went with a very cool, edgy, darker look. Like, she looked stunning, and I looooved her hair, but it just didn't quite fit with the rest of the group. But that's a real nitpick, in terms of the actual performance, she was amazing!
Tayce's runway look. It was okay. It was a little bit literal for me, she went for shells and netting. It was cool, she looked beautiful, but it wasn't like a knockout for me.
8. Tia Kofi
Tia got a raw fucking deal this week. She was the best performer in her group by a country fucking mile, she had the best lyrics, she was the best rapper, and I think she looked the best out of the four in that group (during during challenge). I could not believe they put her in the bottom two.
Okay, her runway look was not great. It was a long way from great. But at least she had a unique concept (*cough* Sister), and she gave us some form of presentation. It could have been a lot better, but there was potential! I really wish that she'd had a much more defined look, I wish the skirt had been a high waisted pencil skirt, with some kind of cone-like texture somehow, really fitted and beautiful. And then I wish the top had been really big and over the top ruffles, maybe tulle, just something BIG. And that wouldn't have had to be expensive, you can buy cheap pencil skirts, she could have dyed one brown herself, and then she could have bought that cheap mesh that looks like tulle and made a really big rounded ice cream top out of it - I'm just proving my point about Joe Black and the off the rack thing now btw. But I wish it had just been a bit more considered than it was. And I also wish she'd had a flake head piece instead of a cherry, because when you buy those ice creams at the beach it's always a 99.
One thing I will give Tia's runway this week is that her face was stunning. I think that's the best her face has looked all season, the makeup was beautiful.
There was kind of a lot of drama this week with the whole off the rack thing, and then the A'Whora vs Sister Sister conspiracy, and I kind of loved it! I also really enjoyed this challenge, I feel like they've had much better and more interesting challenges on the UK series than the American one. Also UK Hun is going to be in my head for weeks.
I'm picking my top 2 of the season as Lawrence Chaney and Bimini Bon Boulash. Veronica Green would have been up there for me as well, it's a real shame that she got sick and couldn't finish this season! I really really hope they bring her back for season 3!
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I love your idea of scout bein born early. Would it be too much trouble for you to write abt him bein in the hospital? And maybe possibly spy findin out?
this feels like a slightly different angle than the prompt, anon, but in my defense that’s what always happens
(warnings for alcohol mention, non-graphic injury and briefly being in a hospital)
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The phone rang three times before it was picked up, and Scout used all three of those rings to try and get his story straight in his head. Then it was picked up and a familiar and very pleasant voice said “Hey, this is Pauling,” and he wasted exactly zero seconds to start talking.
“Alright so I kinda need some help, Miss P,” he opened with, because frankly those were some cards he knew were gonna end up on the table no matter how he played this.
“What did you do?” she asked immediately, and fuck, she was on to him.
“I—listen, I didn’t even do anything.”
“What did you do?” she asked again.
“...So, okay, promise you won’t be mad.”
“I’m already mad, Scout. What did you do?”
Scout worked hard for about three seconds to figure out a good way to phrase the next few sentences. “...So I was just at this bar, right, and I was minding my own goddamn business—“
“Scout.”
“I was!” he said, a little defensive. “Seriously! And this guy sees me across the bar, and, y’know, figures out I’m one of those guys from the newspaper who keeps causing trouble—“
“Were you in uniform?” she asked dryly.
“Nah, but, uh, Soldier and Cyclops were there, and some of the other guys were there earlier, and Soldier had his stupid helmet on, so, y’know. Bunch of foreigners and some G.I. Joe lookin’ guy, wouldn’t be hard to piece it together. And most of the guys left, and Soldier and Demo walk off, and I’m left alone just finishing my drink before I head out, like ya do.”
“Like you do,” Miss Pauling hesitantly agreed.
“And this guy goes, hey, three dudes is a lot, but I could take this one guy. And he comes up to me, right, all like ‘Hey what’s up I’m a drunk dude who wants to get in a fight like an asshole’ and I’m like ‘Hey nah I’m good actually’ because like, I’m busy and that’s stupid, right?”
“Right,” Miss Pauling agreed. “Really stupid.”
“Right! So I’m like, ‘Hey, fuck off pal’ and he just takes a fuckin’ swing at me, and I’m like ‘Hey actually fuck this I already paid I’m just gonna get outta here’ and I try to leave, but the dude just like—just grabs me by the arm and breaks my fuckin’ wrist, and I knock my whole glass over because holy shit, and a whole fuckin’ brawl kicks off, right—?”
“So long story short you need me to pick you up from jail again,” Miss Pauling cut in, voice laced with heavy exasperation.
“Nah, bartender saw everything and I didn’t get in any trouble. I, uh. I need you to pick me up from the hospital, actually,” he said, glancing over his shoulder as a nurse wheeled a cart by.
“Scout.”
“Look, I would’a just headed back to base, but it was like two in the morning and Medic was probably asleep and the bartender guy was bein’ all nice about it and how am I supposed to tell him I’ve got this crazy German guy who fixes all my bones and shit and don’t gotta go to a real hospital?” he asked, a little defensive. “Then they wouldn’t let me leave unless someone drove me because I’ve got a cast on and can’t drive, and I figured I shouldn’t wake you up or whatever at like four in the morning, so, I ended up taking a nap on a bench, and now it’s like ten so I figured you wouldn’t be mad.”
“Well, I can’t drive you back to base—“
“Aww, what?” he whined.
“—because I’m currently in Japan on business.”
“Oh. Okay, that’s fair,” he admitted.
“But I’ll send someone to pick you up,” she said. “Be ready to go in two hours.”
“Sure thing. Who are you sending?” Scout asked.
“I’ll send Spy,” she replied, and kept talking before Scout could start to complain. “Look, maybe now you’ll learn not to get in bar fights.”
“Miss P, c’mon!” he whined.
“I’m sending him. Two hours,” Miss Pauling said, and hung up on him, at which point he sighed so hard he got looks from two nurses down the hall.
Spy pulled up in his nice shiny car an hour and forty-five minutes later, and gave him a look that immediately made him feel guilty even though it totally wasn’t his fault that he was in this situation. He shifted on his feet for a second before heading over to the car. Silence.
“Wanna sign my cast?” Scout joked.
“Just get in the car.”
He did, deciding that maybe further hilarious commentary wasn’t going to help him out this time. Silence for a second.
He reached for the radio. Spy smacked his hand away. “Put on your seatbelt,” Spy said flatly, and Scout did, although it was a bit of a struggle one-handed, and they pulled out of the hospital parking lot.
About thirty seconds of quiet again before Spy broke it. “So you’re a hired mercenary, but one drunk man in a bar can break your arm?” Spy asked.
“Go to hell, Spy,” Scout mumbled.
“I just find it interesting is all,” Spy said, tone light. “That we apparently need to babysit you or else you’ll end up in the morning paper.”
“What?”
Spy reached down between his door and the seat and pulled forth a newspaper, which he promptly tossed into Scout’s lap. “Third page.”
Scout flipped the newspaper open and found that there was indeed an article there. A brawl at the bar, minor property damage, five people arrested and several more fined, two sent to the hospital. He wasn’t mentioned by name, but he did see himself in the background of the picture beside the title.
“You’d think you would have the awareness not to get caught in a... brawl, I believe they called it?” Spy asked.
“Hey, I keep my head on a swivel,” Scout defended, closing the newspaper and tossing it into the backseat. “Everything was fine until Cyclops and Helmet-Head ditched me.”
“Oh, I’m sure it was,” Spy hummed.
Scout frowned. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“No, I’m just certain that you’re giving the full unbiased truth, even though I theoretically have no way of verifying anything you say to me about what happened,” Spy shrugged, eyes on the road.
Scout frowned further. “You callin’ me a liar?”
“No, I’m calling you a bad liar,” Spy said dryly.
“Well it’s true, that’s really what happened,” Scout said, a little offended.
“It doesn’t matter to me either way, I just wanted you to know that you need better cover stories if you want to continue getting away with your usual shenanigans.”
“Whatever, Spy,” Scout scoffed, glaring out the window.
About a minute and a half of complete silence. Scout got bored glancing around his side of the car and spent a good minute just picking at his cast before he realized he probably shouldn’t do that. He ended up reaching for the radio.
“No,” Spy droned.
“Aw, c’mon! Can’t we listen to something?” Scout complained. “It’s like forty minutes until we get back to base.”
“If you didn’t get in a bar fight and break your arm, it would be zero minutes. But you did, and I’m not listening to your terrible taste in music for forty minutes just because you can’t keep yourself out of trouble.”
Scout pouted over that for a minute or two before he thought of a good retort. “...Y’know, technically the guy probably only even jumped me because I was alone,” he said.
“Correct.”
“And I was only alone because you and all the other guys ditched me.”
“Succinct.”
“So this is kinda sorta basically your fault.”
Spy’s expression didn’t change. “...My fault?” he repeated.
“Yeah. If you didn’t ditch me, I wouldn’t have gotten jumped.”
Spy’s expression didn’t change.
“So you should let me turn on the radio.”
“Mon dieu, perhaps you should have been a lawyer,” he deadpanned.
Silence. “...So can I turn on the radio?”
“Don’t make me regret it,” Spy said, and Scout leaned over to fiddle with the dial, grinning.
He really didn’t think Spy would put up with the sort of stuff he usually listened to in the car, so he ended up putting on a station with something old enough that Spy probably didn’t hate it. And Spy didn’t turn it off or pull over to dump him on the side of the road, so apparently he picked something alright.
Ten minutes without talking. Scout looked out his window and tried to remember not to pick at his cast. Because he was looking out the window, he pretty easily caught sight of a sign advertising a diner.
He looked over at a Spy. Spy didn’t look back.
“Can we get diner food?” Scout asked.
“No,” Spy said.
“Please?” Scout asked.
“No,” Spy said.
“Please?” Scout asked.
“Tell me you aren’t seriously going to try this game,” Spy said, already looking annoyed. “You’re a grown man.”
“I’m hungry!”
“Then get something to eat at the base,” Spy said.
“I’m hungry and I have a broken arm and I’m gonna have to deal with Medic fixing my broken arm and also all the guys making fun of me. Can we please get diner food?” Scout asked,
Spy paused for a long moment. Scout’s eyes kept flicking between Spy and the upcoming exit. Spy sighed heavily and moved to take the exit. Scout cheered. “I can still change my mind,” Spy threatened. Scout shut up.
Scout double-checked his pockets for his wallet twice before they even pulled into the parking lot. It didn’t look particularly busy, but Spy didn’t pull up near the door anyways. He put the car into park and gave Scout the single most unimpressed look of his life.
“I’m giving you five minutes to order and get back in this car or I’m leaving without you,” he declared.
“Did you want anything?” Scout asked, fumbling with his seatbelt.
“Do I want terrible greasy American diner food?” Spy scoffed.
“Look, just thought I’d fuckin’ ask, alright? Jesus,” Scout mumbled, managing to get his seatbelt off. “And that doesn’t answer my question. Do you want anything?”
“Four minutes and fifty seconds,” Spy drawled, and Scout quickly got out of the car.
There wasn’t anyone in line, and luckily the diner was staffed by the kind of people who didn’t ask questions beyond giving a pointed glance towards his cast. He kept his order simple and kept an eye on the clock on the wall, and bolted back into the parking lot with the paper bag of food in hand wondering if Spy would seriously actually ditch him.
Surprisingly, Spy had left on the radio, and raised an eyebrow at him as he tried his best to bundle himself into the car one-handed. He managed to get his seatbelt on with only a minor scare about almost spilling the food, and promptly started digging through it as Spy pulled them back out of the parking lot.
“Here,” Scout chirped, holding something out to him. Spy frowned, glancing at his mirrors and taking what was being handed to him distractedly. They were out of the parking lot and back on the road by the time Spy actually looked at it.
“What is this?” he asked dryly, looking at the paper-wrapped something.
“Chicken sandwich,” Scout replied, pulling his own food out. “I uh, I think I got ketchup in here too—“
“Why did you get me a sandwich?”
“Why not?” Scout shrugged, unwrapping his burger and glancing it over before taking a bite and frowning. “Aw, man, I wanted cheese on this. Damn.”
“I didn’t ask for anything.”
“I mean, if you don’t want it, I’ll probably eat it.”
“No,” Spy said, and hesitated. He waited until they were at a stoplight before moving to unwrap the sandwich, glancing it over with a critical eye. Scout noticed that he didn’t take it completely out of the paper even when he did move to start eating it, instead using the paper to hold it. Probably worried about grease or something on his dumb gloves. Usually Scout would make fun of him about it, but he was pretty sure he was very close to getting kicked out of the car.
He wolfed down his hamburger (even without cheese) and started getting to work on his french fries, being extra careful due to the fact that he was pretty sure Spy would kill him if he dropped a fry in his nice, fancy, very very clean car.
He could only play it cool for so long once a joke occurred to him, though. He grinned, taking a fry and holding it between two fingers up near his face. “Hey, look, I’m you,” Scout joked, pretending to take a drag.
Spy spared him a glance and promptly rolled his eyes, returning to glaring at the road. “Not even close.”
“Aww, what?” Scout complained.
“First of all, I’m better dressed,” Spy quipped. “Second of all, I’m taller, and third of all, I didn’t get my arm put in a case because of a bar fight. Shall I continue? The list goes on.”
“Well why are you gettin’ personal about it?” Scout asked, bristling. “I was just makin’ a joke, sheesh.”
“How was I meant to know? Usually jokes are funny,” Spy said, raising an eyebrow at him.
Scout didn’t have a good comeback for that, just sinking in his seat and moving to look back out the window.
A good ten minutes of silence again, broken only by the radio and the hum of the car. Scout finished his fries and put his trash back in the bag the way that Spy seemed to be doing, then crossed his arms over himself and just looked out the window at all the nothing. Silence. Road.
Surprisingly, Spy spoke first. “You’ve missed two Volkswagen Beetles,” he noted.
Scout didn’t say anything.
“Usually when we pass one of those you punch me very hard on the arm and I almost crash the car because you’re an idiot.”
Scout sunk further in his seat, but didn’t say anything.
“Am I meant to gather from this that the way to get you to stop doing that is by making you angry with me? Because if so, clearly I’ll need to be much worse to you from now on if I want to keep this vehicle in one piece.”
“Like that’s even possible for you,” Scout said under his breath.
“I didn’t need to come pick you up from the hospital, nor did I need to let you turn on the radio, nor did I need to pull over to allow you to get food from the diner,” Spy pointed out. “All things considered, I’ve been very nice to you so far.”
“What a saint,” Scout mumbled sarcastically.
Silence. “Do you have something to say?”
“I don’t wanna fuckin’ talk about this, alright Spy?” Scout finally huffed.
“And why not?”
“Look, I’ve had a shitty night, okay?” Scout snapped, glaring hard at the desert outside the window. “I got my arm broken in a stupid bar because the guys got annoyed and ditched me and I was up until like four in the morning getting my arm set and put in a cast and then I had to sleep on a shitty bench in a hospital waiting room and then Miss P sent the one person on the planet who hates me more than anyone else to pick me up. I’m not fuckin’ doin’ this right now, okay? Just lay off.”
Silence. Thank god for the radio, or he would’ve suffocated in it.
“Surely I’m not the person who hates you the most in the world,” Spy said after a few moments. “There are nine men being paid to kill you on a daily basis. I’m sure they hate you much more than I do.”
Scout didn’t reply to that.
“And I’m sure none of them would have pulled over to let you get something to eat,” he added.
“Yeah, holy shit, your Peace Prize is in the mail,” Scout huffed.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” Scout snapped, finally looking over at him. Spy couldn’t hold eye contact for long, needing to watch the road. “What was that supposed to mean?”
Spy sighed hard, looking extremely irritated. “It means that have you ever considered that perhaps the team worries when someone goes missing? And that occasionally your teammates might worry about you?”
“How was I supposed to know? Usually teammates are supposed to be nice,” Scout sassed, echoing Spy’s earlier joke.
He watched Spy take a measured inhale, a controlled exhale. When he spoke a long few seconds later, his voice was level. “Fine,” he said. “Alright. You’ve made your point.”
Scout just turned to look back out the window.
“...And I’m sorry we left you alone at the bar.”
His head whipped back around, eyebrows furrowed. Spy wasn’t looking at him.
“And I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier, and thank you for also getting me a sandwich when you didn’t need to,” Spy continued.
Scout waited a good few seconds for the catch, for the ‘gotcha’, for the punchline. For the part where Spy would twist the words around and hit him with something really biting once his guard was down. But nothing came. Just silence.
He needed a long moment to figure out how to reply. “...Thanks,” was all he could manage, and he knew it was lame, but Spy just shrugged and made no further comment.
Minutes of silence. Scout looked out the windshield, picked at his cast. “Punch buggy,” he quipped a few minutes later, slugging Spy on the shoulder with his good hand, and Spy made an appropriate sound of disgust and annoyance and offhandedly threatened to make him walk the rest of the way, but Scout just laughed.
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Psycho Analysis: Spider-Man Movie Villains
(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)
Spider-Man, Spider-Man, he does whatever a spider can. And what do spiders seem really good at? Amassing huge quantities of hatred and animosity! True to the wily arachnids that inspired him, Spider-Man has quite the impressive gallery of foes, one that I might say rivals Batman as the greatest in comic book history with how colorful, crazy, and creative they are. Even villains derivative of one another, like Hobgoblin and Green Goblin or Carnage and Venom, manage to carve out unique niches that help make them fun and memorable.
And thankfully, these qualities usually translated pretty well to film! I’ve talked about how good Mysterio, Vulture, Kingpin, and Prowler are before, so now it’s time to cover the others all in one fell swoop! From the Raimi trilogy, we have Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Harry Osborn, Sandman, and Eddie Brock/Venom; from the Andrew Garfield duology, we have Lizard, Electro, Rhino, and Harry Osborn again; and leftover from Into the Spider-Verse we have Olivia Octavius, Tombstone, Scorpion, and that film’s brief take on Green Goblin! Oh, and why not throw in Riot from Venom while we’re at it, because he sucks way too much to get his own Psycho Analysis.
Motivation/Goals: A lot of villains are motivated by the classic motivation: revenge. All of the Green Goblins manage to have this as a main part of their actions, making them remarkably consistent and very easy to discuss. The Norman of the Raimi films wants to take out his anger at being frozen out of his own company, and his son wants revenge for his death, while the Harry of the Garfield films wants his vengeance because Spider-Man wouldn’t help cure him of his otherwise incurable disaease that would kill him (a fact made worse because Spider-Man is his actual best friend, Peter Parker, who is coldly condemning his pal to death). The only one who doesn’t really fit is the Spider-Verse take on Green Goblin, and that’s more because he has extremely limited screentime and spends all of it fighting Peter and being scary as hell.
Eddie Brock/Venom is a very interesting case as both halves of the character are motivated by different reasons. The symbiote half is, of course, motivated by the fact that Peter has tried to rid himself of it via using a church bell to kill it. Eddie, on the other hand, has the most absolutely hilarious motivation ever: He wants Peter Parker to die because Peter exposed him for submitting fraudulent pictures to J. Jonah Jameson. Eddie literally breached journalistic ethics but apparently Peter’s to blame for exposing his literal, actual crime! And he prays to God for Peter to die! This version of Eddie is cartoonishly hilarious.Finally, we have Max Dillon, AKA Electro, who is lashing out at a world that did nothing but belittle and demean him, giving him a far more sympathetic motive for revenge.
Kurt Connors is an interesting halfway point between the Doc Ocks and the villains above, because he is not really evil and his whole transformation came about for altruistic scientific reasons, as he tested his serum on himself because they were going to test it out on the public without consent. While the serum drives him mad, he initially only goes after those who were going to use his formula with people as guinea pigs.
Interestingly, the two Doc Ocks contrast each other. While both of them are doing evil deeds for scientific reasons, Otto Octavius is being forced by his tentacles and genuinely wishes to make the world a better place otherwise. Olivia, on the other hand, is a gleeful sadist who doesn’t care who she hurts as long as she can get some sort of scientific knowledge from it.
Sandman is interesting case because his motivations are entirely sympathetic and despite being the man who killed Uncle Ben, it was entirely accidental and he always regretted it. He only ever wanted to get money to save his daughter. It’s really hard not to sympathize with a guy who turned to desperate measures because the American health care system sucks even in a universe where a dude dressed in a bright red suit swings around New York.
Then there are all the rest. Aleksei Systevich, AKA Rhino, is just a criminal, and has barely any screentime to establish a motivation beyond that. This is especially hilarious because the ads really hyped this guy up, only for him to get maybe five minutes of screentime, with most of it at the very end of the movie before the credits (we don’t even get to see his final battle). Tombstone and Scorpion are basically just lackeys for Kingpin, with little established beyond that. Scorpion almost shows up entirely out of nowhere, just popping in for the fight at Aunt May’s house and then the final battle. And then there’s Riot, who just wants to start a symbiote apocalypse on Earth.
Performance: Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina, and Thomas Haden Church as Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, and Sandman in the Raimi trilogy are, in a word, iconic. Dafoe brings a gleeful, cackling hamminess to the Goblin that perfectly suits him and manages to steal every single with how delightfully, cartoonishly evil he is combined with some hilariously chummy moments with Spider-Man. Molina as Ock goes in the opposite direction of hamminess, where instead of making Octavius cartoonishly evil, he gives him this air of gravitas to the point where he somehow manages to make this villain with giant metal tentacles that are controlling his mind come off as sophisticated and serious as Hannibal Lecter. Church meanwhile just looks eerily perfect as Sandman, as if he were ripped straight from the comics and put onscreen, and then of course there’s how well he manages to sell the emotional moments of the character.
The Harrys are a rather mixed bag, sad to say. James Franco and Dennis DeHaan aren’t really bad actors, but they unfortunately have the problem of living in the shadow of the actor who played their dad (Franco) or being in a really awful movie with a terrible script (DeHaan). Franco at least makes up for this by being hilariously, cartoonishly evil to the extent of his dad in the third Raimi film, but DeHaan unfortunately falls rather flat. Topher Grace as Venom is a choice that seems baffling until you realize Raimi cast an actor like this on purpose because he hates Venom so much he didn’t want to give him any dignity.
Jamie Foxx as Electro seems odd at first, but I feel it’s actually a great casting choice, and despite how unbelievably stupid the script is, he’s actually able to do a fairly good job. If his character was in a better movie, he’d probably get a lot less flak (and he’ll be getting his chance soon enough, apparently). Overall, he’s the best part of the Garfield films. Rhys Ifans and Paul Giamatti as Lizard and Rhino are serviceable, but neither film they’re in really gives them much to work with. Giamatti at least gets to steal the show with his brief scenes by being an absolute ham, but Ifans is sadly a bit forgettable in his role (though not for lack of trying on his part).
Now onto the Spider-Verse ensemble! Considering how I gushed over her delightful performance as the Wicked Witch of Westview in WandaVision as well as the fact she is solely responsible for me resurrecting this series from its long hiatus, it should come as no shock at all that Kathryn Hahn as Olivia Octavius is just perfect. Controversial opinion, I know, might get some flak for this hot take. Jorma Taccone as Green Goblin, Joaquin Cosio as Scorpion, and Marvin Jones III as Tombstone all do well for what they’re given, but it’s clear most of the love among Kingpin’s henchmen was given to her (and Prowler, but he got his own review where I talked about how great he is).
Oh, right, Riot. I forgot about him. Riz Ahmed, who plays the human villain Carlton Drake I forgot to mention because he’s incredibly boring, is a really good (and sexy) actor. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to be quite as good and sexy as an actor like him should be in his dual role. In an interesting subversion of how things usually go, he ends up being rather bland compared to the hammy, bonkers hero. This was Tom Hardy’s show, and no one was stealing it from him.
Final Fate: The Raimi films were all made during a time when, if your name wasn’t Magneto and you were a superhero movie villain, you were dying, a trend I’m certainly glad is finally starting to die off. Thankfully, Green Goblin manages to stick around and posthumously influence Harry, so in his case it’s not so bad. Harry and Doc Ock both manage to overcome the darkness in their hearts at the end and sacrifice their lives to help save the day, while Eddie dies after becoming such a simp for the symbiote he leaps into it while Peter is blowing it up. With Sandman, Peter actually has a touching reconciliation with Sandman at the end, forgiving him for the death of Uncle Ben before Sandman dissolves into dust and floats away on the breeze. And no, this is his power, not Thanos’ snap reaching across time, space, and dimensions; Sandman actually gets out of these films alive.
The other villains actually get off easier, as most of them go to jail. From the Amazing Spider-Man films, DeHaan’s Goblin and Rhys Ifan’s Lizard both end up in prison, and it’s safe to assume that the villains of Spider-Verse are going to jail alongside Kingpin. Octavius was hit by a bus, sure, but considering how popular she ended up being it would be really dumb to have that actually kill her. With Electro and Rhino though, it’s really ambiguous, the former because he’s made of electricity and the way he was defeated means it is possible he survived, and the latter because we never actually see the outcome of his battle with Spider-Man. If the film they were in was actually good and warranted sequels, we may have found out what their true fates were, but at the very least Electro is moving over to the MCU alongside Molina’s Doc Ock.
Oh, right, forgot Riot again. He dies.
Best Scene/Best Quote: I’m combining these this time just to make it easier on me, because in at least in a couple cases the two are the same.
Green Goblin has a lot to choose from, to the point where it’s easy to cop out and just say every scene he’s in is amazing. I’ve always been fond of his chummy chat with Spider-Man on the rooftop, or the scene where he terrifies Aunt May, or the scene where he attacks the parade and vaporizes the board of directors with pumpkin bombs.
Dock Ock is easy: the train battle. This might be one of the best action scenes in any superhero movie ever, and since he’s the villain in it, it almost goes without saying..There’s a reason this scene is singled out so often.
Eddie Brock and DeHaan Goblin actually have their best scenes also be their best lines. Eddie praying for God to kill Peter Parker and DeHaan!Harry screaming “YOU’RE A FRAUD, SPIDER-MAN!” after Spidey refuses to give him a life-saving blood transfusion are just so absolutely hilarious and memorable that you can’t hate them.
Aside from the powerful forgiveness moment at the film’s end, I think it’s really indisputable that the best scene from Sandman, and perhaps the Raimi trilogy as a whole, is the scene of Sandman’s creation. Words really can’t do it justice, so just watch:
Electro’s best moment isn’t even actually part of the movie, unless you want to count his rendition of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” No, his is from a Tumblr post, proving definitively that Electro’s power can not be contained.
For Olivia, I’d say either of the reveals for her are great. You can go with the twist that she’s the Doc Ock of Miles’ universe, or the twist that she might have fucked Aunt May. Either way, you can’t really go wrong.
The rest of the villains… yeah, I’ve got nothing. At least with Rhino you can say his entire time on screen was fun, but the rest? Nope. They’re kind of just there.
Final Thoughts & Score:
Green Goblin
Where to begin with this guy? He is everything I look for in a great villain: he’s hammy and cartoonish, he can be terrifying and threatening when he wants to be, he has a ridiculous yet memorable costume, every word out of his mouth is hilarious and memorable, and he’s played by an amazing actor. It’s hard to dispute that Doc Ock is the best villain in Raimi’s trilogy, but Goblin is definitely the most fun. If you thought he’d get less than a 10/10, you thought wrong.
Doctor Octopus
Aside from Green Goblin, Doc Ock is Spidey’s most iconic and memorable foe, nd this adaptation of him does not disappoint. By making him a more tragic and somewhat anti-villainous figure and putting him in the hands of someone as awesome and talented as Alfred Molina, they managed to make such a cartoonish villain retain that comic book silliness while still being a legitimately imposing antagonist. I suppose it helps that a director who knows how to balance silly and serous like Raimi helps. It’s absolutely not a shock that the MCU wants to bring Molina back, because really, I can’t see anyone making the dubious doctor nearly as cool as the 10/10 performance Molina gave.
Harry Osborn
Franco’s Harry has an interesting arc, but one that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense under scrutiny. Frankly, his descent into villain is handled well but when he actually gets to be a villain in the third film, things fall apart.. But at any rate, he gets to be cartoonishly hilarious while he pettily ruins Peter’s life, so I think a 3/10 is warranted just for how goofy he is.
Eddie Brock/Venom
For the longest time, I hated Eddie Brock, but loved the Venom symbiote for its fantastic design… A design hampered by the fact Topher Grace keeps sticking his face through the symbiote and talking in his normal voice. But then one day I remembered Eddie literally prays to God for Peter Parker to die, and I realize that as crappy as this version of Venom is, he’s undoubtedly hilarious. A 3/10 mainly because of how hilariously bad he is, though the design of the symbiote is unironically great. Shame Grace kept sticking his face through and that Raimi hates the character.
Sandman
Sandman is a villain who deserved a better movie. Sure, Spider-Man 3 is fun and funny, but a character with this much depth and emotional weight deserved a film of the caliber of Spider-Man 2. At any rate, he adds a bit of class and dignity to the proceedings, and Thomas Haden Church really nails it. He’s a 9/10 for sure.
Lizard
Lizard is just a very boring villain, which is a shame because Lizard is not a boring villain in the comics and other media like the cartoons. I don’t really know if he was the best choice for Spider-Man’s first outing; I’ll at least give him that he’s a more inspired choice than doing the Green Goblin again, but that doesn’t score him higher than a 4/10. As boring as he ends up being, that library fight was pretty cool and had a great Stan Lee cameo, so I can’t say he’s the bottom of the barrel.
Electro
Electro is a villain who desperately deserved a better movie. While his backstory as a nerdy fanboy who got kicked around by the world is nothing new, or fresh, or original, Jamie Foxx manages to make the character work fairly well even though almost everything around him is unbelievably stupid. The fact he managed to make “Don’t you know? I’m Electro” sound cool and badass is a testament to his skill, and thankfully he’s coming back in the MCU in some way, so I guess Electro’s power can not be contained to a single movie. Still, this iteration only manages to get to a 6/10, because while all the elements of greatness are there, he’s hampered by the abysmal writing.
Rhino
Paul Giamatti certainly looks like he’s having a blast here. His attitude is almost infectious, but alas, his time is too brief to bring any great joy, and his jarring appearance out of nowhere at the end of the film certainly do him no favors. Still, Giamatti keeps Rhino from sinking any lower than a 5/10.
Harry Osborn
This Harry is just a joke. His arc makes no sense, his actions are unbelievable, and he ends up looking like a really poor Warwick Davis Leprechaun cosplayer. The only thing of note about him is that he’s a Harry who becomes the Green Goblin before his father, something that doesn’t happen very often, and that’s not enough to score this loser higher than a 2/10. Not even killing Gwen Stacy makes him any more impressive, and that’s a real shame.
Olivia Octavius
Olivia Octavius is widely beloved by just about everyone who sees the film.. myself included. This is just a really fun, clever twist on Doctor Octopus, and it’s the sort of character you really hope gets a Harley Quinn-level break into becoming an iconic character across multiple forms of media. Kathryn Hahn’s fun performance and the wonderful design and fight sequences really make Olivia a 9/10.
Tombstone
Tombstone is a villain you might actually forget is in the movie, which is a damn shame. He’s an albino black man, a badass bodyguard, and has a striking design, but he gets a single line of dialogue and is tasked with bodyguarding a man who not only has cyborgs under his employ, but who murdered Spider-Man with his bare hands. Tombstone ultimately feels really superfluous, which is a shame because around the same time Into the Spider-Verse came out he had a very memorable and well-liked appearance in the Spider-Man video game. It’s a real shame but I gotta give this version of Tombstone a 2/10.
Scorpion
Scorpion has a lot of problems of Tombstone above, but he makes up for a lot of his flaws by having a really cool and striking design. Does it really make him a great villain? No. He’s not particularly well-characterized and he’s really just there to look cool and give Olivia backup. He’s a 4/10 at best, saved from being lower only by his awesome look. Looking cool really can get you far in some cases.
Green Goblin
Out of all the really minor villains in Spider-Verse, this version of Norman might be the best. His role is tiny, only appearing during the scene where the Peter Parker of Miles’ universe gets killed, but his battle with Spider-Man is what sets the entire plot in motion. His cool and terrifying design definitely help make him stand out enough to earn at least a 6/10.
Riot & Carlton Drake
Look, there’s a reason I kept forgetting these guys. They’re not memorable in the slightest. Venom may be a fantastic work of art, but that’s because Tom Hardy kills it in his dual role as Eddie Brock and the Venom symbiote. Drake is just a boring corporate villain, the kind I hate talking about and the kind I’d only ever even bother mentioning in a review like this. And Riot is just a generic Big Gray CGI Monster for the hero to have a final battle with. Neither of these two are particularly interesting, and neither deserves more than a 2/10.
That’s it, right? There can’t be any more villains, I must have covered them all. Well, not quite. There’s one more character who is most certainly an antagonist and who I really, really want to talk about. And you’re absolutely not going to believe who it is.
You ready?
Psycho Analysis: Emo Peter
“Now wait,” you may be asking, “Emo Peter? Really? How does he count as a villain?” Well, as Schafrillas pointed out in his video on Spider-Man 3, Emo Peter is actually the antagonist for much of the second act. Peter, influenced by the symbiote, becomes a raging jackass and hurts and alienates everyone around him by being a colossal douchebag, not to mention how violent he gets as Spider-Man. This is very much an extreme case of the hero’s greatest enemy being themselves, because literally, Peter’s enemy in the chunk of the movie with Emo Peter is his own overinflated ego
Motivation/Goals: I mean, at the end of the day, it’s still Peter. He still wants to do the typical Peter Parker stuff, he’s just a jackass while he does it.
Performance: It’s Tobey Maguire busting loose and getting to act like an absolute doofus. There is literally nothing about this that isn’t amazing and I’m sorry if you can’t see it.
Final Fate: Peter eventually comes to realize that maybe the symbiote making him act like an egomaniacal tool is not a good thing, and so rebels against it, ultimately leading him to the roof of a church where Eddie Brock is praying for him to die and, well, the rest is history.
Best Scene:
Best Dance Move:
Final Thoughts & Score: Emo Peter has gotten a bad reputation over the years, but Schafrillas’ video really made me rethink why. As he puts it, Emo Peter comes off not as someone cool, but as what a loser thinks a cool person would be (which makes him still a loser). It seems fairly likely that the audience isn’t supposed to be rooting for Emo Peter or finding him cool, but instead finding him insufferable, ridiculous, and funny. We’re supposed to be laughing at Peter’s egomania, at his absurd and hammy showboating, not cheering him on and desiring to emulate him.
And that ultimately makes it more satisfying when Peter overcomes his ego and decides to rid himself of the symbiote. It might seem like I’m giving Spider-Man 3 a lot of credit here, but even Sam Raimi half-assing a movie wouldn’t leave things completely devoid of underlying brilliance. Emo Peter isn’t a villain in the sense that he’s some superpowered antagonist, he’s a physical representation of the negative impacts of fame and ego on Peter. This is Peter letting go of what makes him a hero and just reveling in being an absolute jerkwad to everyone around him.
I love the memes as much as everyone else of course, but Emo Peter is also a pretty clever symbolic foe. But even though I’m giving him an 8/10, we all know the real reason why he’s scoring so high:
Ok, but that’s it now, right? No more Spider-Man villains? Well, maybe for now. But don’t forget:
There’s gonna be Carnage.
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More headcanons to help me work through the dreaded writer's block! Hope you guys don't mind it's a bit slow right now, I plan on posting another tonight and hopefully I'll be able to get to some asks once my brain is no longer fried
Dwayne Headcanons
When he was responsible for Laddie, Dwayne would often take him out to the boardwalk whenever Star was busy. Sometimes he’d even choose to take him along even if they were with Star just to hang with the munchkin
If anyone told him he was too short Dwayne would hypnotize them into letting him one. He wasn't exactly worried about the kid being flung from the roller coaster, he could easily catch him if it happened. It felt awesome impressing him at the strength test, just watching him jump up and down as the attendant handed him a giant blue monkey which of course he'd give to Laddie. The boy was such a hyper, sunny child it was hard not to laugh when this spritely eight year old would play a water gun game and yell “this is a load of bullshit” when he lost. Well, he did grow up around four teenage guys, two having the worst language you could imagine. David used the word "fuck" like it was going out of style. At one point some lady in her thirties tried to lecture Laddie about watching his language, to which Dwayne had immediately stepped in after he said “piss off lady”. Again he had to choke back a laugh, pushing the kid behind him before this lady throttled him. To save face Dwayne feigned some half assed “shame on you” to Laddie just so she would piss off, and then ushered him away- for an ice cream sundae. Granted while he couldn’t condone a kid cussing up a storm, he did find it utterly hilarious watching this uppity chick squawk like a hen in outrage.
“Seriously though I don’t know where the hell you learned all that from-”
“Paul taught me.”
“Yeah, well, Paul probably isn’t the best guy to copy, kiddo. "
Chinese food isn’t his favorite, but he knows it’s Markos so he doesn’t complain when they have it at least once a week. Actually, his favorite is probably Hispanic. Many forget much of California was once Mexico, and as such the culture still thrived even into the early 1900s. Santa Carla flourished, and between pick pocketing gigs and heavy labor on the docks, Dwayne could always count on there being fresh tortillas for a few dollars after a long day. Elotes with extra chili powder, huarache, freshly brewed horchata on ice? Utterly delicious! Nothing can compare to freshly made tamales by a sweet abuela in a tiny food truck cooing to you in Spanish. Even he can blush when they pinch his cheeks gushing about what a skinny man he is. Paul and Marko love it as well and will often tag along when Dwayne goes to Mama Rosa’s, although he often has to elbow Paul in the gut because he’ll flirt with the cooks in the back into getting a free taco.
“Ay, Paul, mi angelito querido cielito, you’re skin and bones!”
“Well, I always skip a meal before coming here, abuela. Your cooking is too epic to have anything else in my stomach!”
“Dude, will you stop flirting with that poor woman before you give her a heart attack, you ass?”
Dwayne had a brother many years ago who was lost after being caught in direct sunlight during the great San Francisco earthquake of 1906. Since then on April 18th he holds a small memorial for his brother Jasper, who died pulling the curtains shut to shield them from the sun. Some years David, Paul and Marko will join him, silently drinking to their fallen friend. It's a rare moment of seriousness for these wild boys, sitting beside an altar crudely constructed atop a wooden crate, draped over with the jacket once worn by Jasper that survived the flames. Decorated in worn candles melted by decades of use, a bottle of rum from over eighty years ago still untouched with an empty shot glass beside it caked in dust and cobwebs, worn flowers shriveled into darkened husks, a glass of blood they keep freshly filled with each visit, feathers of birds to help carry him to the sky. Every time he adds something new, a gift from every era. Recently he brought Jasper a Def Leppard vinyl record, propped against a sketch of his brother drawn before his passing by an admirer who had died long ago. Paul left a little toy motorcycle for him, Marko brought an old pocket watch he found at an antique store that bore a striking resemblance to one he had admired long ago, and David brought him a hunting knife
“You would’ve loved hair bands, Jas. Everything’s changed now, its crazy. It sucks you never got a bike of your own,” Dwayne would say, sitting in the dark with only the tender flicker of candles brushing away the dark. Never again would he let the sun take him. It was the darkest, deepest cave in the hotel. And there, Dwayne spoke more than he ever does outside “Horses were cool, but it’s better to have something that doesn’t stop every time it takes a shit, you know?”
Unfortunately Dwayne sucks at video games. It’s not that he doesn’t get it, but he has the worst gamer rage. Now, Dwayne doesn’t often get legitimately mad, but when he’s been playing the same god damn stupid water level for the past hour and a half just to be killed by a squid-! Well, lets just say Paul practically dove to catch the controller before it was chucked at the tv, and cue a dirty look towards Dwayne for nearly smashing his “baby”. He wasn’t about to have him break ANOTHER controller. Yeah that wasn’t the first. At this point he’s content just watching from afar and sometimes back seat gaming when Marko is going the wrong way. He’s not nearly as bad as David who will openly call someone stupid after dying.
Dwayne is definitely the type to nap after a long night. Truthfully he misses when he could just lay out in the sun like a lizard on a hot rock after a long day, it’d feel incredible. Instead he’s resorted to a hot water bottle or a heating pad. Yeah, he loves hot weather. Summertime is his favorite time, just savoring the toasted air blowing in his face on rides over the beaches. Sometimes he’ll try to wake up early to watch the sunset from within the cave, although it’s burnt him on more than one occasion he will still try to get a glimpse. Winter is the worst for him, he hates, absolutely despises the cold. Even though he doesn't technically get cold anymore, everything seems to die away in the winter leaving only twisted branches and grey skies. David may enjoy all that gloomy melancholy but not him.
One wouldn’t assume Dwayne to have much of a sweet tooth. That’s because they’re wrong. While he isn’t into the marshmallow caramel double candy bars deep fried and dipped in chocolate like Marko or Laddie, he has a serious weakness for chocolate. Like, a major weakness. Paul is still searching for his stash, tucked away somewhere secret in the hotel. Any time he thinks he’s close to finding it, Dwayne moves it again.
“Dude, sharing is fucking caring you greedy bastard”
“Get your own candy asshole, why do you think I keep my stash hidden from you guys?”
Now the whole hoity toity fancy chocolate isn’t what appeals to him. He can certainly appreciate a well made chunk of dark chocolate sprinkled with chili powder, but he’ll settle for a cheap bar snatched from a gas station. Most sweets weigh heavy on him, but chocolate is such a unique medium that can be changed into almost anything, appealing to every taste imaginable. Sweet, savory, spicy, bitter, semi-sweet, rich, dense, light. Chocolate cake, chocolate doughnut, hot chocolate, fudge, and of course the traditional candy bar. You make him a mug of Mexican hot chocolate and he is putty in your hands. You couldn’t necessarily bribe him with food. But you could certainly butter him up to suggestions when he’s crunching down on a candy bar. Paul knows this, and at this point Dwayne knows this guy has royally fucked up if he comes up to him with a stack of chocolate bars.
“Heeeeey, Dwayne, buddy, old pal, chum, lookie what I found, all for you man how cool is that?”
“....,” Dwayne glances up from his book at the handful of chocolate and slowly lowers it with a firm sigh. “What the hell did you do now?”
“Wha-Whaaa-? Oh! Okay, wow. Woooow. Offend much? I go out of my way- I mean, can’t a guy just, you know, do something nice for his best friend-?”
“Paul. What. did. you. do?”
“Okay okay, well you see David made me go fill up his stupid bike, and there was this hot chick at the gas station, I mean perfect fuckin ten man, she had the biggest frickin tits- okay anyway! Well, next thing I know the keys are gone, the chick's gone, the fuckin bike- You gotta help me man he’s gonna fucking kill me and dance on my grave!”
Of course Dwayne will help… in exchange for twice the chocolate. Like I said, it won’t always work as a bribe, but it’ll certainly help your cause if you go in with some incentive.
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Rating all the songs from “Across The Universe” (2007)
Girl (7/10) – A fun intro! Nothing too special, but it’s a bit mysterious and Jim Sturgess is looking directly into my soul, so it definitely draws you into the story. The mashup with Helter Skelter plus the whole protests/wave thing is veeeery dramatic, I dig that.
Hold Me Tight (7.5/10) – A cute lil’ dance scene, some sweet character introduction that immediately highlights Jude’s and Lucy’s different lifestyles… We love to see it! Also: The casting directors really found the most American looking guy ever to play Lucy’s boyfriend (I just assume he doesn’t have a name), huh? That’s talent.
All My Loving (8/10) – It’s one of my favorite Beatles songs, so I am biased, BUT Jim Sturgess really sells it and I love the scene that goes along with it. Him singing it to her in the alleyway feels very genuine and organic. (Side note: Jude you are a fookin’ bastard for cheating on Molly, gee.)
I Want To Hold Your Hand (9.5/10) – Incredible. Showstopping. Revolutionary. Ten times better than the Beatles’ version. Seeing this song from a gay perspective makes it so much deeper… She’s just asking to hold her hand… Wanting the simple things because maybe they can get away with doing that…. Maybe people won’t talk because girls holding hands could just be good friends…. The yearning of it all!!!!! The tenderness!!!! When I first saw that scene and the camera stayed on the girl as the guy was walking away and Prudence kept singing… Cultural reset. Only reason this isn’t a 10 is because this movie has even better scenes!
(On a side note: It is hilarious that the school’s team is called Wildcats.)
With A Little Help From My Friends (8/10) – Boys being boys! Dudes bein’ guys, guys bein’ dudes. It’s a fun scene and a fun version of the song. All that’s left to ask is: DO YOU NEEEEEED ANYBOOODAAHHHYYYY? (Side note: Max Carrigan… Sir…. Spare hand in marriage?)
It Won’t Be Long (6.5/10) – Not gonna lie… I have no idea what purpose this scene serves. We never see Lucy’s boyfriend actually meeting her. However, I am not mad to hear Evan Rachel Wood perform this absolute banger, so I’ll take it. The school scenes are fun, I guess. It’s also one of the few times we see the other Carrigan sisters, who disappear for the rest of the movie. Maybe they also got drafted. Or they died. Who knows. They aren’t even there for Thanksgiving. Where did they go.
I’ve Just Seen A Face (9/10) – I don’t care if it is basic or simple… This song is instant serotonin and the bowling scene is so! Much! FUN!!! The chemistry between Max, Lucy and Jude is amazing… I love my dumb children.
Let It Be (12/10) – The full score doesn’t even cut it for this masterpiece. You thought the Beatles’ version was moving? Watch this damn scene. I can’t even think about it without getting emotional. If you don’t believe in a higher power, you will after hearing this song. The acting of both of the mothers is also spot on; when the mother of Lucy’s boyfriend clutches the flag and just breaks down? That kills me. Julie Taymor saying that she wanted the scene to make us empathetic for what’s going on in the world instead of apathic after becoming desensitized from all the violence we see on the news every day makes it much more impactful. I’ll stop talking now. I can’t handle it. EGOT!
Come Together (9.5/10) – It’s fucking Joe Cocker singing Come Together. The musical arrangement is LIT as fuck and the choreography is *chef’s kiss*. Shout out to the hooker girls! You are Queens! Only reason this isn’t a 10/10 is that pimp!Joe Cocker creeps me out. What’s up with that beard?
Why Don’t We Do It In The Road (7./10) – We don’t hear much of the song since Jude and Lucy are talking so much, but Sadie is amazing. Her voice is great. She’s gorgeous. Sadie sexy. I’m gay for Sadie. That’s it that’s the review.
If I Fell (8.5/10) – Evan Rachel Wood I have feelings for you.
I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (11/10) – This is THE scene, okay??? You may argue that the symbolism is a bit too on the nose, but it fits this very imagery-heavy movie perfectly. *Childish Gambino voice* This is America.
You can tell that the writers of the movie thought long and hard about what to do with each and every song and it truly pays off in this scene. It is scary, it is weird, it is stunning. It is… Dare I say… Perfect.
Dear Prudence (9/10) – Prudence literally being in the closet… Iconic. This song makes me feel like I am floating. It’s so soft yet euphoric. Love the protest scene, too. Really captures the spirit of the time. (I say as if I was already born.)
I Am The Walrus (8/10) – I want to rate this lower because the whole LSD ordeal serves no purpose whatsoever and doesn’t drive the story further, but… Bono kills it :/ It’s a banger. Sorry Beatles, but Bono is the REAL walrus. There’s no competition.
For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite (3/10) – What’s the point??? Why is this scene in the movie? I guess they all had fun making it, but sorry Miss Taymor, cool set design doesn’t make a good scene. The blue guys are cool though. And Prudence got herself a gf!!! Good for her.
Because (8/10) – Deep sigh… It’s just a very good song. And the transition that shows Max has been shipped away is amazing.
Something (8.5/10) – Greatest love song ever written, blah blah. What can I say. Again: Mr. Sturgess kills this performance. He has the perfect voice for the song.
Oh! Darling (8.5/10) – My parents Sadie and Jojo are going though a tough spot, but they are kind enough to turn their anger and sexual frustration into a show that we can enjoy. And oh boy, we DO enjoy it. Their voices work together so well and the eMoTiOnS!!! Splendid. Good job, guys. Now please make up :( You love each other, after all.
Strawberry Fields Forever (10/10) – I’m spiraling. This song and this scene is god tier. It is beautiful and heartbreaking and simply gorgeous. Just… Wow.
Revolution (8/10) – Jude you are a little bitch but this song slaps. Next!
While My Guitar Gently Weeps (9/10) – Jojo’s voice… Heavenly. Just a damn good version of this song. Bonus points for the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan vibes near the end of the scene when Jojo and Jude are walking down the streets.
Across The Universe (10/10) – This movie is cranking it up near the end, damn. This is just beautiful. Plain as that. The scene of Jude seeing Lucy and himself from the past in the subway driving past evokes feelings in me that I can’t explain.
Helter Skelter (9/10) – BANGER! Better than the original; Paul McCartney wishes he had what Dana Fuchs has. Works incredibly well with the riot scene.
Happiness Is A Warm Gun (10/10) – INCREDIBLE! Julie Taymor managed to make this song makes sense, wow. Joe Anderson’s delivery is incredible, and the hospital scene is really creepy but in a very very good way. Bonus points for Salma Hayek.
Black Bird (7/10) – I’m always too focused being sad about Max to pay attention, sorry. But it’s Evan Rachel Wood softly singing a ballad. What more do you want?
Hey Jude (9.5/10) – THIS SONG! MAX AND JUDE! T H E Y! All friendship is romantic, bitch!!! I can’t properly express my emotions but let it be known that I cry at the first note of this song. Hey Jude……
Don’t Let Me Down (7.5/10) – My parents are back together :) And they sound great!
All You Need Is Love (10/10) – Get your tissues ready. We’ve reached the end and it is flawless (just like the rest of this movie – except the LSD scenes). You probably will cry of happiness. Love truly is all you need.
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (7/10) – A solid banger to finish it all off. Gives you time to wipe your tears away and get carried away on the waves of funky Beatles songs.
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