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rattyarts · 3 years

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Huge-ask post (I am VERY funny)

Because I have so many questions that can be answered with just text, and I have mentioned my dislike of filling my art blog up with Words Words Words... let’s get them all done in one go!

(You guys can blacklist #rattytalks if you’re just here for the draws, btw)

A shit ton of asks under the cut!

Anonymous said: So for the center of the world, what with it being forcefully PG and all Bad Thoughts TM being prevented, how does having kids happen? Do parents just black out and wake up holding a child in their arms and vague memories of the last 9 months?

Ever seen a movie where they do that “and one day... a baby was born!” thing and a kid just appears offscreen with no explanation?

(This is how it works everywhere, Edgelands included; no one does the do or gets pregnant in this setting.)

Anonymous said: Hello! Quick question, and sorry if you’ve answered this before, but can other elves see the “intangible” bits of one another? Big fan of your work btw!

Nope! And thank you!

Anonymous said: Leopold was in my dream last night but I sadly cannot remember any of it.

I am SO sorry. I will try to keep my stinky murder men out of your head in the future.

Anonymous said: are the floaty bits stuck in one spot, or could the one they are attached to learn to move them around their body as long as its still within a certain distance? like, someone with the Floaty limbs, lets call him Ray, can move his limbs all over his body, allowing him to do all sorts of neat things that others with their attached limbs probably couldn't?

Whatever you want, honestly. As a general rule of thumb I don’t like putting down TOO many hard rules that prevent people from having fun with this setting. (Please ignore and scrap anything you think is stupid, I do this all the time and enjoy keeping this setting inconsistent and contradictory)

Anonymous said: Do elf names work off of Death Note rules, or is it like, if you know one elf’s name, all elves with that name are now unable to harm you? So if all the elf brothers are named Martin, for example, does it only work with blue?

I think it’s prolly just the one! Probably? Idk, might change if I think of something funnier.

Anonymous said: Can elves do magic on themselves or does thst go against the knowing name rule

Most people tend to know their own names, lol. So in my opinion, no, but don’t let me stop you if you got a fun idea.

Anonymous said: Could an Elf stitch on parts from another elf and have them work? i.e an Elf's finds the arm of another Elf. "Hey, free arm, might as well put it to good use", so they attach the arm and now they can give three high fives at once!

Same deal as previous questions, I personally would say no, but I also encourage people to do whatever the hell they want. It’s more fun that way!

Anonymous said: I bet elves are greasy to the touch.

They’re very powdery! Like if you rolled them in flour. And by flour I mean nasty glowing elf dandruff.

Anonymous said: Can elves fly or are their wings just for show?

No flying!!! (Unless you’re a mousefly)

Anonymous said: Something tells me that the elves would LOVE Obatzda.

Had to look that up, but definitely!

no1fan15: Not sure if someone asked already- Does Edgeworld have any equivalent to demons and angels? Like the old rubberhose cartoon kind?

Demons, yes! That’s what imps are: basically any demon, devil, or generic monster, but tiny! Even a couple of pop culture critters in there, there’s probably a very small gillman or robot monster running around there somewhere.

Angels, not so far.

Anonymous said: How come Margaret hasn't yeeted George's jar into the Edge yet

I’d say being locked in a closet is good enough! (and also I need him for plot reasons, don’t tell anyone)

Anonymous said: If elves have knees bulges in the front then do they have butt bulges in the back?

i do not want to think about elf bulges

Anonymous said: So if you find a baby Therewoof and you say "aw you're so cute", their true name is So Cute?

Yep!

Anonymous said: Since a Therewoof's true name can be something like "cutie pie" or "dingus", does their name have to be spoken with "intent" for it to doggo-fy them? Or do they just have to live with the reality that any casual conversation/flirting can make them lose up to a month to Doggy Mode? My mom has little terrier dog named "Sweetie" so that got me thinking 'bout Therewoof names. & Anonymous said: here's a good question: If someone says a therewoof's true name, but not reffering to them, does it still affect them?

Just saying it will do! It’s based on those old werewolf stories where calling out the person’s name will change them back into a human/cure them, and a lot of the time it was by accident.

(My favorite is the one where they slam the door on the wolf’s tail and then say his name, and the dude ends up with a wolf tail for the rest of his life.)

Anonymous said: Would Seeing eye Therewoofs be a thing?

I... guess? Probably? Since regular dogs can turn into woofs, yeah. You might have to start paying em once they turn into a person tho.

Anonymous said: Was ChalkZone ever an inspiration for you? Because I just love the silly world of ChalkZone and I noticed getting that same warm feeling when thinking about Edgeworld.

Maaaan, I wish. I’ve only seen about three episodes or so, but it seems really fun!

Anonymous said: So I saw your mimic post, and even though I don't think I've seen any other of your art before I was absolutely HAMMERED with an indescribable sense of slightly unsettling strangeness and comfortable familiarity. Your art feels like something from like, an old point and click computer game I would have had formative memories of before accidentally losing or scratching the disc therefore making me unsure if it ever REALLY existed. Sorry for being weird but I love the wacky nostalgia feel here

Aaaaaah, THANK YOU! That is SUCH a cool comparison and I appreciate!!!

Anonymous said: If the Edgeworld is based on cartoons then is there a Reverse Edge-world that’s based on anime?

Lol, I mean I DID have an anime phase for a while there, so...

caydebug: Man I’d love to see this as a cartoon some day

Honestly, same. Best you’re gonna get is the occasional animatic or gif, tho.

Anonymous said: Does anyone..."go" in Edgeworld? or is it like Pleasantville where bathrooms exist but there are no toilets in them because acknowledging it is yucky?

Oh god I keep getting asked this and have been avoiding it like the damn plague. But... Uh. No. No they do not. I am begging you all not to send any followup questions.

Anonymous said: Have you considered putting computer viruses or illnesses in with the buggymen? Since those are typically called ‘bugs’

Sure!

Anonymous said: are there any limits to what an Animimic could posess? i.e if they were in a costume of a Buggieman with multiple arms, could they control all of them? what about a small Mousefly costume? can multiple fit into one costume like a clown car? and what about in pitch black darkness, where you can only see the lights of their eyes and not their bodies? could one fit inside the pocket of a jacket you are wearing and help you steal things/wield a gun like a living turret?

Since clothing fills into the body type of the intended wearer, they would indeed be able to control all arms/legs in buggieman clothes.

Size restrictions is one of these things I wanna try to be vague about: I personally have been imagining them sticking to hiding in things no smaller than, um. Maybe imp sized, but really, whatever. It’s a cartoon eyeball critter!

You can put multiple animimics in one outfit!

They can move around just fine in darkness without being off screen, yeah!

And sure why not. lol

Anonymous said: I know you have been asked this once before, and you said nah you don't, but with a few more months of worldbuilding, do you have an idea for what could be down the edge now? 🤔

Not really! It’s not super important, honestly. I’d say any fan theory is about as valid as anything else I can come up with.

ps2polpo: I doubt you’ll ever elaborate on The Edge but I like to imagine there’s just one dude there like the Nowhere Man from the Yellow Submarine movie. Mostly cause the thought of someone accidentally winding up there being like “where am I?” And there’s just a guy casually waving at him like a friendly neighbor is funny to me & Anonymous said: The implication that the Edge is the physical manifestation of edginess so there’s probably like, Trevor Henderson monsters hanging out down there.

See above question! Valid! I also accept falling forever, getting erased from existence, ending up in another universe, getting stuck in limbo with thousands of other people, whatever you want, really!

Anonymous said: " he has very few bones and weighs basically nothing, " "Fastball special" trope, but with Leo?

YEET THE NASTY MAN

Anonymous said: did you ever watch dragon tales as a kid? because george and margaret make me think of murderous zak and wheezie from that show, and i love it to bits

I did not, but I would have loved it. Definitely up my alley!

(watched Quest for Camelot a loooot, though!)

Imma go ahead and stop here! There’s more but I’ve been writing for well over an hour and I have things to do. If your question is missing I’m either saving it for later, wasn’t entirely sure how to answer, or it’s spoilery.

Will probably do another one of these at some point!

#rattytalks #asks #edgeworld

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wackology · 4 years

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Dumb HBCU/WR movie ramblings

Ok so I've been thinking a bit about the HBCU and a potential Wacky Races movie in development a bit and I got a lot of shit to say about this so buckle your seatbelts and hold on to your hats as you witness my incoherent ramblings and fanon headcanons.

So it pretty much agreed upon that any next installment of the HBCU is gonna take a while to come out considering how WB has put the HBCU in standstill for their dr seuss cinematic universe and liveaction-animation hyprid movies. Hell even the director of Scoob said that. The possibility of us getting another cinematic HB film in the next 5 years are close to none but if we were to get a movie it would probably be wacky races themed. Why? Cuz the Scoob film left off with Dick escaping prison with the wacky races on his mind (or in this case, his prison cell) and it would make sense for WB to continue the HBCU (which they probs don't plan to) with a character we are pretty familiar with and the only likable character in Scoob. Which begs the question, where would the plot go narrative wise?

Dick probably won't be the main character of the story but I can practically guarantee it will be Penelope Pitstop. I mean they already got concept art and i think they have models too that were unused and the people on scoob said they didn't add her to the film because they planned for her to be part of something bigger. Basically, I bet my left arm that the protag will be penny because apart from dick and muttley, she was the most memorable character of the show. We must also consider how they would tie up other hanna barbera characters and properties into a WR film thats part of an HBCU installment.

So basically, with this in mind I have created a few theoretical plots/premises that might happen in a WR movie

1. A Hooded Claw driven girl power film

Claw is an og and classic antagonist for penny, and if they really wanted to make a film centered on her the hooded claw is the perfect character to play the bad guy. I feel like the plot would go a bit like this: In order to kill penny and get her inheritance, Claw sponsored/set up the wacky races to kill penelope under the guise that good ol uncle sylvester was supporting Penny's girl power dreams to be a racer. Basically, he acts all supportive and shit for her to chase her dreams and enter this new race but under the mask actually set the whole thing up as an elaborate plan to kill her.

He lets the most deranged, insane and wacky people enter the race, from a gangster mob, to literal monsters to a pilot racer and a military tank duo with guns and canons thinking that Penny's survival chances in this race will be close to none, especially with it being a sausage fest and him not believing in girl power. He even hires a professional mercenary with an evil dog to help kill penny in the WR (yes, dick, and yes he was sucessful at killing the pigeon in the scoobverse so he is actually considered quite the exceptional and competent villian in universe).

The rest of the film would be her racing and doing good despite all the odds and ends at her winning the grand finale, much to the frustration of Claw.Basically a film of empowerment for young girls to enjoy. This plot would probably be the most faithful to the original WR and most likely be a prequel to Scoob since the movie implies that Dick was doing all the skull shit after the wacky races sooo yeah.

There could also be a peter/penny subplot, perhaps not as romantic interests but as platonic friends or just some flirty exchanges between them, as well as a dick subplot with him not liking to race much at first and doing it for just the money but coming to love it as the film progresses. This plot would also probably be the least HBCU type film since it is mostly WR based and by nature would already have a ton of characters but they might try to replace some of the less memorable characters with other HB characters that are a bit more memorable than the boring racers but not as well known to have their own films (could see the country bears replace luke and blubber bear as well as any other character replace the lumberjack guy).

2. The Great Race inspired film

So we kinda get the idea in scoob that dick hasn't been in the Wacky races for a while after muttley disappeared and all the skull business happened but as we all know, dick was the character who made the races actually interesting. So the execs couldnt just have the wacky races without dick so what did they do ? They got a doppleganger of course, that being this boyyyy

Basically, the Wacky Races executives used Dick's way less famous twin brother the Dread Baron and his dog friend Mumbly to fill in for the two once they realized Dick wasn't going to come back after prison. They were wrong of course but dick doesnt know he's been replaced and escapes thinking he was going to join the races again but when he does find out it bruises his ego a lot.

This idea technically serves better as a subplot and could be woven into the hooded claw story above if we just changed a few elements( make it happen after scoob instead of before, perhaps DB and Mumbly were hired by claw to kill penny and dick has to begrudgingly help penny and peter to get his place back in wacky races). After plot stuff happens it ends with dick being in the WR again and DB finding employment elsewhere in the Laffalympics which can easily tie into the established HBCU since it has the yogi gang, mystery gang, captain caveman and the teen angels gang and blue falcon and dynomutt.

Does this theoretical plot draw a lot from my personal desire to see DB just once. Yes. But do i care. No

3. The super HBCU plot(probs the most likely)

So the end credits basically tell us that after the scoob movie that the mystery gang and other HB characters joined the falcon force and are fighting baddies and crap.

Dick has escaped so they will probably start looking for him and in order to do so they get tangled up in the wacky races. Dick isnt the main antagonist tho( he's either trying to sabotage the other wacky racers because he is salty af or begrudgingly has to help out the heros or main antagonist) but the falcon/scooby gang discover a huge conspiracy happening within the wacky races that goes something like this: this race was set up kind of like a scavenger hunt across the world or the US to find mcguffins that are actually really powerful and crap when assembled, which is what the villain was trying to do because evil reasons. Basically wacky raceland done funnier or just Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Steel Ball Run.

In this premise not only would the og wacky racers and scoob cast be in it but i bet there would also be a bunch of cameos and references to other HB characters and they might even join in on the action and be racers too. I have no real clue on who the main baddie would be but I think it would be a johnny quest bad guy or something:( in the end credits they are teaming up with Quest industries after all).

I feel like the entire vibe of a premise like this would be very mad max like but without all the apocalypse stuff and just pure unrefined insanity. I kinda based these ideas off some of the unused concept art in scoob and I'm pretty sure the gang and the falcon force would team up with penny cuz they were planning to do so in the og concept art.

I have a few other ideas in my head but those arent fully developed but I might post them one day lol. But yeah, thanks for listening to my dumb shit lol

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years

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Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 4: The EED: Emotional Exposition Dump. Or why THIS is not friendship

So here we are. The last part of this 45 page three parter, meant to be about what Sam really means to the crew. And what have we seen so far in the previous parts? That Sam is not just their underappreciated, but downright exploited slave (yeah, did you know that in ancient Greece slaves supposedly had more rights than Sam in this one? At least they could buy out their freedom one day), that Dobson has no idea how to genuinely pace a story, turning what could have been a decent 100 page story if planned out and presented with more care into a 45 page short snore fest and that Hat Andy’s idea for jokes are either based on abusing token buttmonkeys, turning annoying memes into even more unfunny jokes or making dark comedy with dead orphans.

At least when South Park makes jokes about children dying, they are appropriate in that dark setting and the death is still in some way handled or refered to as a horrific event. In Dobson’s case however, it just leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

Sorry, I just can’t get over the orphanage thing. If Dobson wanted the reason for Sam leaving be that he finds out someone he cared about from his old life is dead, that is one thing. But did this asshole have to destroy an entire building with countless victims to do it? Couldn’t he just have one person die and the rest be still at that place? Honestly, I think it would have been funnier and more meaningful emotionally, if Alex and Co actually interacted with people from Sam’s past and in doing so learn more about him as a person, by genuinely visiting a still standing orphanage. Give the comic some meat on the bones and in doing so actually create the impression this comic is truly about Sam and not just about characters doing random stuff in relation to finding him. Instead Dobson goes for a literal overkill, which he then does not even treat as a tragedy but as a joke.

Dobson, THIS is a better and more dignified joke about orphans than the shit you did.

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You got outclassed by Chuck Lorree of all people on this planet, you disgrace of a storyteller. A storyteller who can’t even keep his own barely existing continuity in the Alex-verse straight, now that I think of it. After all, according to Legends, the orphanage was closed and all the orphans were sold out to others, with Sam being the last of the litter

Which again is just unintentionally more horrific than Dobson likely intented. But you know, dumb people don’t know when they do dumb shit.

But I digress Let us just get into the last part. In which we finally see the “emotional” pay off of everything that happened so far.

Spoilers, this is my reaction to that pay off.

And here is what everything led up to now.

Sam ran away, because he wants to say his final farewell to his sister figure, we never knew about at all and about whom we do not learn one single thing really.

Where do I begin with how this revelation fails?

Let’s start with the fact that this in execution does not have the emotional impact that was intended. And why is that? Because Dobson doesn’t bother to actually introduce us to the sister as a character.

If I may digress a bit to talk about One Piece here: In the manga, oftentimes Oda will “interrupt” an ongoing story arc to feature flashback chapters, through which he tells about past events referenced in the “present” chapters prior. Through those flashbacks he further gives meaning to why in present time the characters facing certain foes or having to win in their current situation, is so important, even on an emotional level. In short, those flashbacks are no interruptions, they are integral in giving those story arcs emotional weight.

Because now we are not just “told” why we should care about things and people, we have been shown why we should care. The old rule of “show, don’t tell” being followed on.

A good example from a more “recent” storyline I can think of, is through the flashback chapters of the Dress Rosa story arc, where we are not only being shown how De Flamingo took over the kingdom of Dress Rosa and brought pain and misery over its people for years to come, but also the past of characters such as the gladiator Rebecca and Mr. Soldier, her father figure that raised her up from the time she was 10 and De Flamingo took over… only for the flashbacks to also reveal properly how Mr Soldier is not just a father figure for her that took her in, but her biological father Kyros, who had been turned into a toy by one of De Flamingo’s henchmen via a power, that also took Rebecca’s memories of her dad away so she never identified the toy as her dad.

This way Oda achieves multiple things at once; Among other things, he establishes how evil De Flamingo is, how tragic Mr Soldier and Rebecca’s lives really are, adding to us the readers wanting to see them and Luffy beat De Flamingo into a pulp and it makes the later “present day” moment when Mr. Soldier and many other victims turn back to normal and Rebecca regains her memories and is reunited with her dad so much more sweeter. Cause now we care.

Truth be told, I myself believe that Oda is one of few storytellers on this planet, who truly has “mastered” the technique of emotional flashback storytelling.

A technique Dobson could have used in this part of the story, but didn’t. Cause honestly, the way he tells how Sam’s sister was “important” to our poor cabin boy is not emotionally engaging from a storytelling perspective. We are told she is important, but we learn genuinely nothing about her, not even what her name was and what she looked like except from that one picture in the locket from over 15 pages ago. Nothing about how “close” she and Sam truly were is revealed through showing, only telling and as such we don’t even begin to care for her relationship with Sam and how her loss is genuinely important to him. So the main goal of this story, to make us the readers feel something for Sam aside of pity for how he is treated by his supposed friends, has not been achieved.

… Dobson, you are a hack. You can’t even use flashbacks, a basic technique in the realm of storytelling, to show us why we should “care” more, heck, even at all, about Sam and his loss.

If you just had adjusted a few things, you could have had something good here.

By adjustments I mean the following: Take the first page of this chapter as well as the first panel of the second page, and combine them into the final page of the previous chapter. In doing so creating a proper cliffhanger for part two. Then start chapter 3 of with a few pages (lets say 6 or so) showing young Sam and his sister interacting in the orphanage in doing so turning her from a nameless plotdevice into a genuine person to care about. And then use content of page 2 and 3 of this chapter, to elaborate on their relationship, potentially with small cuts always between present day Sam at the grave explaining himself and saying his farewells, with pictures of the past showing what they meant to each other.

But nope. This very basic idea a fanfic writer now has come up with, a fanfic writer who never studied literature or took writing classes by the way, something I doubt you did at college the more I read your work, has never crossed your “superior” mind.

Also, I find Sam’s text on page 3 really, really backwards in a way. Like, I get that we are meant to consider it a good thing Sam is this way. You know, being genuinely selfless and wanting to make others happy. And don’t get me wrong, generosity and selflessness are virtues I hold in high regard. But the way Sam talks about how he just wanted her to be happy while sacrificing any fulfillment of basic needs for himself feels more like a pathological disorder in that case than something to reach for. In fact, psychology speaks from different forms of generosity and the thing Sam describes here is likely “compulsive giving” or “unrelenting generosity”, a pathological variant that can be highly toxic for all people affected by it.

Funny how Dobson, a person who wants to claim he is all for mental healthcare, is essentially “promoting” the positivity of a psychological disorder via Sam.

Then again, this also feels more like Dobson putting words into Sam’s mouth (in a literal sense) to retroactively make Sam’s treatment look less horrid. Cause now Sam doesn’t just do all the work because he is ordered around, he deep down is “happy” doing all of the work and gain not even some basic respect in return, because he cares so deeply for his friends.

… I feel myself get livid again here.

And the next few pages don’t really help me “calm down”.

Cause now the “justifications” just go on. The thing that is meant to be a heartfelt farewell turning into Sam “justifying” that hey, it must be good that he ended up with Alex and her crew. Cause after all, by being abducted years ago and being treated as a slave who in the ginger’s eyes is worth less than lint, he likely avoided dying of shitting his pants and a crushing roof. Ignoring the fact that he was going to be sold out anyway back then and would have potentially ended up with a more generous master than the crew of non Captain Syrup.

Also, just all of the shit going on in page 6. Sam asking his “sister” to be at peace, when likely, if the girl could still talk, she may even just ask Sam the following: Who the heck are you. Cause really, if you think about it, if Sam did all the nice things for her in secret, did the girl even realize she had a “big brother” figure to watch over her? Also, him saying he is happy and he is doing quite alright for himself?

All the pictures of him sighing and looking in misery in this story alone, plus the cavalry of strips I posted about how Sam is abused in the first part of this post series tells me another story.

Finally, Sam’s message “At least now, we are both free”? Sam, she is dead, likely having died in pain when a house crushed on her, weakened by a deadly disease and traumatized by other children around her dying of said disease. And you are stuck with a bunch of people that haven’t shown to care for you up until this story and the only reason they may even care for you now is out of “sympathy” because you lost your sister figure, not because they genuinely love and care for you as a person. As far as I am concerned, you would be better off being the slaveboy of some nymphomanic pirate princess in the world of Berserk than you are on this plane of existence.

And now that the “emotional” farewell is out of the way, Dobson can go back to focus on the characters he really cares about in this shit anyway: Little Bitch Annie, lesbian chocolate rain Miroku and Deadpool’s pubes.

Oh Alex, you are such a rascal. You really make me want to shoot you with a crossbow, stab you in the eye, hurl you out a window and shove explosives where the sun won’t shine.

Yeah yeah, you are a pirate, but that doesn’t mean you need to be that awful as a person or even protagonist.

Christ. For someone who complains how toxic Walter White is to the point he believes “sympathizing” with the character turns you into a nazi, Dobson certainly is blind to how awful Alex really is, particularly as protagonist in a comic series intented for little kids. Compared to her, I can think of freaking slasher movie villains with more of a moral compass. Like say what you want about Jigsaw, at least he never victimized genuine children or teenagers.

And Talus, thanks for ruining the “emotional” moment Sam “earned” by pointing out how weird it is he kissed a gravestone. Also, I am glad I know what happens in the next pages or else I would assume Alex’s great idea includes to dig up his sister and turn her into a life sized doll for Sam to cuddle.

No, their ideas to assure he is emotionally save and to redeem themselves for years of taking him for granted/hurting him, is to throw him a surprise party.

… you know, I think you may be the only individuals in fiction, that Pinkie Pie would think do not deserve to throw a party or get one thrown for.

But I guess Sam is just so nice, he even throws you a party for no apparent reason.

Either that or now that his “sister” is dead he will overcompensate even more and this is the next destructive stage of his compulsive generosity.

… Sam, I am sorry for your loss. But you need to get help. Once by the authorities who will hopefully get rid of Alex and then by some psychologist who helps you redefine your own self worth.

By the way, I find it funny that the banner he made also actually only mentions Talus, Atea and Captain Daphne with a bad hair day. It just confirms that Peggy either never bothered to join the others or that Dobson developed an early onset of dementia and totally forgot about the fact that the midget is a genuine character in this trainwrack. And I am convinced the later is the case, which really just makes me wonder how someone is able to do that. To forget a major character of the thing they create and want to turn into a money making franchise. Imagine if Disney did e.g. a sequel to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, only to forget about the god damn dwarves themselves.

At least Talus finally realizes he is unworthy to get a party thrown or be Sam’s friends. Good. Now jump into a wood chipper and free ourselves from your existence you dog beaver thing.

Content of the next page in a just alternate universe… Alex: You are a better human being than I could ever be and this is all because my creator is a hack who does not know how to create genuinely likable personalities.

The reality:

FUCK YOU, ALEX! FUCK YOU AND THE BIKE PUMP YOU FLEW IN ON! Atea and Talus have learnt more than you about what it means to be a friend and they don’t even bother to punch you in the face for still being the biggest red haired raging cunt since Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

If this is how Dobson thinks “friends” should treat each other, it is no wonder he has a friendless background. Hey, Hat Andy, if you want to emulate manga, may I suggest you just become even more blatantly about it and simply copy paste One Piece? Cause Luffy at least knows how to be a friend. How much does he care for his friends, strangers and even at times former enemies of his?

He cares so much, that e.g. when a special military force that beat the crap out of him got hands on his crewmate Nico Robin, he did THIS:

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He declared war on the world government. Fuck, even Jack Sparrow, who is an opportunistic jackass, in a movie where everyone stabs the others at least three times in the back, was less selffish than Alex, when he gave up his chance on immortality as Captain of the Flying Dutchman, just so Will would live in some form.

Metalbeard from the Lego Movie cared more about doing the right thing than anyone in Alex the pirate did. You created the worst friends and “heroes” I have ever seen in a webcomic since the entirety of sinfest. Congratulations for that accomplishment, Dobson. It really takes a special kind of anti-talent to show such level of not understanding the power of friendship as one of the most basic tropes in storytelling, to the point a show about pastel colored equines managed to profit of it for nine years.

WOOOOO! We are the worst, we are the worst!

And look, Uncle Pennywise’s scrotum is back.

Anyway, here are the last two pages of this thing, to end on what is meant to be a whimsical note because Sam actually gets something from Alex that is not a beating or verbal abuse.

Too bad anything that would feel heartwarming about this is drowned by a) me actually remembering all the shit Alex, the crew and the writer pull to get to this point (from abusive neglect of the characters to pathetic emotional manipulation on a narrative level) and b) the weird rapey face Uncle Peggy makes in the picture. Like Jesus, did Dobson try to emulate the Burger King here?

But hey, this story is over. And who knows, perhaps from this moment on, Sam will actually be treated better overall in the comic and Dobson will spend time actually developing an overall plot and the world of this com-

Tom Kenny: ONE COMIC STRIP LATER

And it is back to business as usual.

... How much would I need to pay for someone on the internet to write an alternate ending to the story where it turns out Sam actually poisoned the food at the party and while Alex is slowly dying, a now evil Sam who has finally broke under years of abuse, is going to become a genuine threatening pirat? that is after he villain monologues to Alex how much she sucks before scalping her?

Wow, I am entering a dark place right now. I think I need to take a break.

So I am going to give my final verdict on this story with the next post around the weekend most likely. Cause that is how much time I will now spend rereading One Piece and watching the Pirates of the Carribean movies in addition to playing the Pirates level of Kingdom Hearts 3, in order to forget this shit and remind myself why I think pirates are cool.

#andrew dobson #alex ze pirate #fuck you #hat andy #tom preston #so you are a cartoonist #syac #comic #webcomic #pirates #sam the cabin boy #atea #talus #one piece #magic of friendship this is not

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 4 years

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macgyver strictly business liveblog

@sybilius @believerindaydreams my arm has been twisted

the first twenty seconds of the MacGyver theme is just what my actual real-life makerspace job looks like. cbs all access won’t let me take screenshots so this will be a text-based endeavor

youtube

the improbable pile of weapons trope...i scream

do you think the head chairwoman of H.I.T. effectively utilized girl power by being the head chairwoman of an international league of assassins?

“I owe macgyver a debt...of honor.” “there’s no room for honor in our business” (MURDOC MAKES CONSIDERING FACE)

!!!! the acrylic knife!!! i want one!!!

IM SORRY??? THE FUCKIN ELABORATE DINNER DRIPPING OFF THE TABLE???? THE CUPID?????? THE WINE?????? “DO YOU LIKE IT? TRY THE FOOD IT’S VEGETARIAN?” SORRY THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS YELLING I JUST????

so macgyver is a defense contractor? that’s what i’ve gathered Phoenix is?

murdoc sometimes u gotta. balance out how fun it is to kill someone with a certain method with how effective it actually is. maybe standing in the bed of a pickup with a grenade launcher, while very dramatic, really gives your target a fuck of a lot of time to roll out the other side of the car (also macgyver why did you feel the need to make a three point turn. just. reverse. very fast. go!!!)

ah the whump, with a side of amnesia

this camp looks a lot like where i worked last summer. i miss canoeing :( murdoc just helping himself to food and bouncing up and over the counter made me chortle. why can’t murdoc kill in a quick and easy and direct fashion (i know the answer is bc this was on cbs primetime and aired in 1991) but would it not be kinder to simply shoot macgyver instead of letting him languish with a concussion and amnesia while hoping he bleeds out from the one dramatic cut on his face? out in the middle of nowhere, where you have cut the phone lines?

“the guys my dad sends are flashy, not like you” im YELLING but this kid has a point the mullet is a lot to deal with

“definitely murdoc’s handiwork, i could fix it if i only had some duct tape” the RELISH that murdoc-pretending-to-be-macgyver delivers that line with. also the whole doctoring the ID card, this implies murdoc carries a wallet-sized photo of himself at all times, for emergencies? i can’t imagine H.I.T. issues ID cards. well no yes i can actually but the first option is so much funnier. murdoc’s lil tactical backpack is great. what the fuck is even in there???

i don’t. i don’t know that it was necessary to do a flying leap through the door and down a big hill when the door was open but then again i’m not calculating my every move for maximum dramatic effect to impress my crush

macgyver staring at the shotgun like “do i...know how gun work???” is very funny to me. also this whole hostage thing seems weird i know they have another twelve minutes of episode to fill but this doesn’t seem like murdoc’s style. what i want to know, i think, is if this was written on purpose or if they just happened to have abandoned mine access that week. also hey wait a second right before the kid bike rides off. that’s an entirely different shotgun. what are they pulling here

ohhh there’s quite a lot of explosives in the tactical backpack. leaving the pocketknife pointing the way u dramatic little shit. also murdoc going “u don’t remember me and now it’s not fun :( have this elaborate escape room i have prepared, SURELY that will make you remember me?” is also a lot. to deal with.

sorry. hold up. the melting the shot to glue the wire down to the shotgun as an improvised brace to keep tension on the wires is clever yes but murdoc apparently had the time to woodburn a sign that says R.I.P. MACGYVER?????

why’s he got a crossbow. why not just use the already established pistol, which he has fired once. what the fuck is happening in this weirdly staged fight holy SHIT murdoc doing a situp from under those fake rocks is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen what the FUCK is happening what a disney villain ending

syb u were right that’s the dumbest fuckin conclusion possible to the abusive-dad b-plot they are NOT safe not even a little bit

anyway jesus fucking christ what a ride. i’ve only got room in my life for one long-running richard dean anderson show at a time and right now it’s stargate, but i see the appeal of *waves hand* whatever the fuck that was

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vexedtonightmares · 4 years

Text

with great power (elu spiderman au)

eliott has been saved by spiderman quite a few times for absolutely no reason. hopeless romantic that he is, eliott accidentally starts falling for spiderman somewhere along the way and doesn’t know what to do about it. obviously, there’s only one solution. he and his good friend lucas should pretend to date to make spiderman jealous. there’s no ulterior motives here, of course, just lucas helping a bro out.

aka eliott’s falling in love with spiderman, lucas is in love with eliott, and lucas is spiderman.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

ao3

no. 8 “We should talk.”

They hadn’t talked about how their PDA around their friends would change now that they were officially dating for real, but considering the looks they were getting, they probably should have. Yann, of course, knew everything, so he accepted it with a conspiratorial wink, but Arthur and Basile kept pretending to vomit and looking at them like they’d each grown an extra head.

Maybe they could lay off the PDA a little, but truthfully Eliott didn’t care all that much. He wanted everyone to know how much he loved Lucas, and he hoped Lucas felt the same. Scratch that, he knew Lucas felt the same, and still couldn’t believe his luck.

He was currently sitting with Lucas and the girls in the foyer, Lucas’ head in his lap as they talked about whatever plans Daphné had concocted for some weekend coming up. Eliott didn’t know if he and Lucas would join, but he stayed somewhat engaged with the conversation, zoning out every once and a while to play with Lucas’ hair.

“Why don’t you do that with my hair?” Daphné pouted, turning to look at Manon and resting her head on Manon’s shoulder. As Manon laughed and dropped a kiss onto her forehead Lucas sat up so fast Eliott barely had time to register his absence.

“Why doesn’t who do what with what now?” Lucas asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. Eliott bit back a smirk, meeting Imane’s eyes across their group. A new development, apparently, was that Manon and Daphné were now dating. Eliott only knew about it because he’d been the first to show up at the foyer, well, not the first technically, because the two of them were already there making out. He would have told Lucas, but in the end the three of them agreed it would be funnier not to.

Manon sighed melodramatically, crossing her legs. “That’ll be the last time I show any sort of PDA with my girlfriend, then,” she said, and Eliott couldn’t help but laugh. He’d almost forgotten that’s how Lucas decided to tell their friends that they were (fake) dating.

Lucas opened his mouth in shock, then narrowed his eyes when he realized Eliott didn’t look shocked at all. “You knew?”

“Not mine to tell,” he said, miming zipping his lips.

Lucas scrunched his nose up and huffed. Eliott fell in love all over again. “Just for that no kisses until after school.”

“Nooo…” Eliott pleaded playfully, knowing Lucas’ resolve wouldn’t hold up under his best attempt at puppy dog eyes. Lucas looked away with another huff, crossing his arms. Eliott poked his head around and continued with the puppy dog eyes, because really he just had to be patient. Lucas was a stubborn little shit, but he always caved to Eliott, even when they were just friends. Eliott saw the corner of Lucas’ mouth start to lift and he knew he won.

“Fine,” Lucas said, “But only because you’re so cute.”

Eliott grinned cheesily, squinting his eyes and scrunching up his nose. “Oh, fuck you,” Lucas whispered as he leaned in for a kiss, continuing when they broke apart. “You can’t do shit like that and expect me to not want to rip your clothes off right here, right now.”

“Do shit like what? Smile?”

“Yes.”

Eliott smiled again, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Lucas rolled his eyes half heartedly, leaning back in for another kiss, clearly forgetting he claimed resistance not so long ago.

“Ugh, we get it, you guys are as annoyingly adorable as Manon and Daphné. Now can you please either get a room or wait until I rinse my eyes with bleach to continue?” Emma groaned, shoving her face into Alexia’s shoulder, who patted her head sympathetically.

Imane pointed between the two of them. “Don’t you two go hooking up now, I can’t deal with three sets of disaster gays.”

Emma laughed into Alexia’s shoulder while Alexia shrugged, pretending to consider. “No promises,” she said, “But only because you don’t swing my way Imane.”

“Hey, who said I do?” Emma asked, poking her head up.

“Literally all of us,” Manon answered, everyone in the group nodding in agreement. Emma seemed ok with this, simply shrugging and laying her head back down on Alexia’s shoulder.

Daphné cleared her throat then, clearly trying to bring their attention back to whatever they had actually met there for in the first place. Lucas settled his head back into Eliott’s lap and Eliott turned his attention to her, pretending it was possible for him to think about anything other than the beautiful boy looking up at him with such adoration.

“Next weekend,” Daphné continued, blushing lightly as Manon folded their hands together, “Party of the century!”

“Do explain,” Alexia prompted, bolstering Daphné’s confidence.

“I mean, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since we’ve had a good party?” When none of them answered Daphné sighed, pouting. “Yes, Daphné, it has been a while, please tell us your idea,” she said to herself, glaring at each of them in turn.

“Yes, Daphné, it has been a while, please tell us your idea,” Manon repeated, allowing Daphné to soften. Did Eliott look like that all the time around Lucas? He was almost certain he did, and probably had longer than he realized.

Daphné sat up a bit straighter, spreading her arms wide. “Secret. Foyer. Party.”

“Secret… foyer… party,” Imane clarified, with much less enthusiasm.

“Come on, guys! I thought you’d be more excited!” Daphné exclaimed a bit angrily.

“Whooo!” Lucas raised his fist and pumped it in the air. “Secret foyer party!”

“Thank you!”

Eliott dropped his eyes and caught the end of Lucas’ shit eating grin. He jostled Lucas’ head with his knees, nodding in Daphné’s direction. She was not someone to be messed with, even though she looked soft and sweet. Lucas just laughed and pulled Eliott’s face down for another kiss. Eliott wasn’t upset about it.

“I’m thinking the theme will be ‘infiltration’,” Daphné said, clearly proud of herself.

Manon narrowed her eyes. “You have an ulterior motive.”

Daphné scoffed, drawing her hand back and crossing her arms. “I do not.”

“Yes, you do,” Manon argued, still smiling serenely. “I know you Daph. Quite well, I might add.”

“Ewwww gross, Manon,” Lucas whined jokingly.

“You literally have your head in Eliott’s lap.”

“And what about it?”

“Guys!” Daphné clapped. “Infiltration!”

Emma humored her. “What exactly does infiltration entail, Daphné?”

“I thought you’d never ask!” Daphné paused dramatically, making sure everyone’s eyes were on her. “Since it will be a secret foyer party, we’ll all be dressed in masks and espionage themed outfits. Plus some neon, because I bought a blacklight, and I won’t let it go to waste.”

As far as themes went, it wasn’t the worst one Eliott had ever heard, even if it was a little out of nowhere.

Alexia leaned to the middle of their makeshift circle and stage whispered, “She chose this theme because she wants Spiderman to come.”

“Alexia!” Daphné gasped angrily, but Eliott’s attention wasn’t on her. It was on Lucas, who tensed, jaw clenching in a way that couldn’t have been comfortable. Eliott wondered if he harbored any ill will towards Spiderman, given that he’d been the object of Eliott’s desire in the first place.

“Spiderman is not going to come,” Imane said boredly, yet sternly.

“He might,” Lucas said with the same blasé tone.

“He won’t,” Imane said, even more adamantly, and Lucas rolled his eyes. Eliott felt like he was missing something, and he could tell the rest of the girls felt the same way.

“So, what do you need us for?” Manon cut in cheerfully, breaking up the tension that had somehow built up. Eliott really hoped it wasn’t there because Lucas hated Spiderman or something. Sure, Eliott didn’t like him like that anymore, but he was still a pretty cool dude.

Daphné bit her lip, shrugging. “I don’t know yet. I still haven’t figured out how we’ll be able to get in here over the weekend.”

“Ah, leave that to me,” Alexia said, not elaborating further. Daphné seemed to decide to take her word for it and she moved on turning to, of all people, Eliott.

“You’re an artist.” It was a statement, and Eliott didn’t know what response she desired.

“I am…?”

Her eyes brightened again. “Can you make a cool mural or something that will glow under blacklight? Something ‘infiltration’ themed, obviously. But like, discreet enough that the headmaster won’t realize it’s for a secret party?”

He considered this, though it wasn’t like he could really say no. Maybe he could rope Lucas into helping him. “Sure,” he decided.

Daphné clapped excitedly. “This is going to be the greatest party ever!”

Eliott sure hoped so, but if not at least he could escape somewhere with Lucas and have an even better time. He recalled the last party the two of them had gone to together and how even then he’d felt a bit overwhelmed with the urge to kiss Lucas, not understanding why. At least now he wouldn’t have to hold back, and he knew exactly why he wanted to do it.

🕷🕷🕷🕷

Eliott was trying really hard not to be worried about Lucas. This was the third time he’d flaked on their plans, which wasn’t a big deal because they had just seen each other all day at school, but Eliott was still uneasy. It was either this or he would randomly have to leave in the middle of hanging out, but Mika and Manon were none the wiser to his whereabouts either.

Eliott checked his phone again, wondering if he watched it long enough he would get an explanation. As if summoned by his thoughts, a text from Lucas came in and he read it right away.

Lucas: Sorry for being The Worst

Eliott: shut up dummy

Eliott: as if you could ever be the worst

Lucas: I’ve just been so flakey lately, and I’m sorry :(

Eliott: just give me extra kisses tomorrow and all will be forgiven ;)

Lucas: I’ll do you one better

Eliott: ???

Eliott only had a moment to wonder what Lucas meant before he heard a tap on his window. Lucas’ stupid beautiful face was sticking his tongue out at him from outside, and Eliott rushed over to open the window.

“What the hell?” he laughed as Lucas clambered through the window.

Lucas shrugged, grinning goofily. “I figured I’d spice things up.”

“Climbing four floors up the fire escape isn't my definition of ‘spicing things up’, but to each their own,” Eliott said, pressing a kiss to the top of Lucas’ head.

“Hey,” Lucas said, when Eliott walked back over to close the window. He turned around, question in his eyes. “I love you,” Lucas continued, and Eliott had no choice but to take long steps across the room and sweep Lucas up in his arms.

He pressed kisses to Lucas’ hairline, his temples, his forehead, his nose, and finally his lips. “You’re so beautiful,” he said between kisses, “And I love you too. More than you know.”

Lucas shook his head, wrinkling his nose up at Eliott as if he wasn’t enjoying every moment of affection, and it only made Eliott want to kiss him even more. Eliott knocked their foreheads together gently, arms resting on Lucas’ shoulders. “Want to make copious amounts of popcorn and watch the greatest movie of the decade?” he asked.

Lucas raised one eyebrow. “And which movie is that again?”

“La La Land,” Eliott answered, because the answer should have been obvious. Granted, this wasn’t the first time he and Lucas had watched ‘the greatest movie of the decade’, because Eliott’s favorites changed rather often.

“The musical?” Lucas clarified, distaste written on his face.

Eliott scoffed in offense, releasing his hold on Lucas and going over to grab his laptop. “Yes, the musical, but that’s not all it is. It’s a story about love and chasing your dreams!”

“But they don’t end up together,” Lucas complained, going into the kitchen and putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

Eliott whipped around to face him. “Who told you that?”

Lucas giggled, looking completely unfazed that he’d been spoiled for the ending of the movie. “You did?”

Oh, well, that was Eliott’s bad then. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he remembered coming home from the movie for the first time and calling Lucas immediately, dying to talk about it with someone. He’d seen a lot of himself in both Mia and Sebastian, but he’d seen a little bit of Lucas in them too. All the small— but at the same time glaringly obvious— signs he’d been in love with Lucas all this time kept showing up, didn’t they.

“I’m certain I didn’t tell you everything, though,” Eliott countered, even though he very well might have. He’d never really expected Lucas to listen when he talked about things like musicals and cinematography.

The timer went off on the microwave, and Lucas poked his head out of the kitchen to gaze at Eliott so softly Eliott’s heart contracted in on itself. “Even if you did, we both know I’m going to watch La La Land with you and I’m going to love it despite pretending I won’t.”

“Have I mentioned recently that I love you?” Eliott asked sincerely, despite Lucas’ answering snicker.

“Once or twice, maybe,” Lucas said, followed by a sharp curse as he likely burnt himself on the popcorn bag trying to pour it into a bowl. Eliott smiled to himself, because this happened every time Lucas made popcorn for the two of them, somehow never learning from the past. A second later Lucas appeared with a massive bowl of popcorn and a wild smile.

“Where to?”

Eliott nodded towards his bedroom, and Lucas blushed, despite the fact they’d been there together a million and a half times. It wasn’t like there was ever any pressure to do anything, but the opportunity was always there, hovering above both of their heads. It used to be unattainable, but now all they had to do was reach out and touch. So, Eliott did, brushing his fingers against the back of one of Lucas’ hands before making his way to his bedroom, looking over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised.

A few kisses later, the bowl of popcorn sat between the two of them on the bed, serving as a buffer of sorts. It wasn’t that Eliott didn’t want to forget about the movie and kiss Lucas senseless, but he had to practice some form of self control. Plus, he was going to get Lucas to like La La Land even if it was the death of him.

Still, the air was charged, and Eliott was pretty sure he spent more time watching Lucas than the movie. He couldn’t help himself, it was like he was discovering all these new things, loving each one more than the last.

The blue of Lucas’ eyes had always been his favorite color, little oceans determined to make Eliott lose his balance until he fell overboard. His hair was a little bit longer than it had been in a while, but Eliott loved it, fingers dancing as they remembered the way the silky strands felt in his hands while they kissed. Lucas was also way more muscular than Eliott ever remembered him being, which wasn’t a bad thing, just surprising. Though Lucas had said he’d been going to the gym more often, so he supposed his efforts were paying off. If Eliott was being honest, he found it kind of hot even if it did make him feel a little inadequate.

“For someone who wanted to watch this movie, you’re not doing much watching,” Lucas hummed, still looking at the screen, but he had a knowing smirk on his face.

Eliott was unperturbed by the fact Lucas had caught him staring. “I can’t help it when you look so beautiful.”

He saw Lucas’ breath catch, even though he knew Lucas would go on as if Eliott’s words hadn’t affected him in the slightest. As predicted, Lucas sighed, continuing, “I’m beautiful all the time.”

“Oh you think this is a one time thing?” Eliott asked with a small laugh. “Good luck ever getting me to stop staring at you and your beauty.”

Lucas groaned, but he didn’t seem too upset. “Romantic fuck,” was all he said before moving the (now empty) popcorn bowl out of the way and pulling Eliott to him.

Between kisses Lucas shook his head, sighing again but this time in a lovesick sort of way. Eliott thought it was so adorable he could hardly breathe. “I’m the one who’s been pining all this time, I should be the one with the grand romantic statements,” Lucas complained, and Eliott giggled.

“You remember who I am, right? No one can out romance me,” Eliott said, brushing strands of Lucas’ hair behind his ears as he held either side of his face.

“Is that a challenge?” Lucas asked, voice barely a whisper as he pressed his lips to Eliott’s once more. Eliott merely hummed in response, deepening their kiss and moving his hands from Lucas’ face to his chest. Lucas grinned into Eliott’s mouth, meeting Eliott’s hands with his own and using them to pull his shirt off. Eliott’s own shirt was quick to follow and suddenly Eliott was on top of Lucas, pushing him down onto the bed. Lucas’ hands trailed down the bare skin of Eliott’s back and Eliott nearly shivered as Lucas’ fingertips brushed his spine.

His hands fiddled with the button on Lucas’ jeans when Lucas opened his eyes abruptly, as if someone had shocked him. All the hairs on his arms looked like they were standing on end. Eliott sat back immediately, eyes searching Lucas’ face.

“Is everything ok?” he asked. They’d gone farther than that before… he hoped Lucas wasn’t uncomfortable.

The panicked expression on Lucas’ face softened a bit, and he brushed a hand down Eliott’s cheek. “Yeah, yeah, sorry, it’s not about you, or this, I just… I have to go.”

“But you just got here,” Eliott said, confused.

“I know.” Lucas twisted his lips, biting the inside of his cheek. “I don’t want to leave, but there’s something I have to do.”

The warmth in Eliott’s chest went away as quickly as it had come, and he rolled off the bed, finding Lucas’ discarded shirt on the floor and tossing it to him. “Ok. Um, see you tomorrow? Painting the mural?”

A million emotions flickered over Lucas’ features, too quick for Eliott to discern any of them. “Yeah, tomorrow,” he agreed, pausing with his shirt in his hands. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine, Lucas,” Eliott assured him, because it was fine, he was just confused. If it wasn’t anything he’d done, what was the problem? Lucas looked at him, love in his eyes, crossing the room to pull Eliott into a blinding kiss that, by the time Eliott recovered from it, Lucas was gone.

He was gone without a trace it seemed, and when Eliott left his bedroom to see if Lucas was at the door all he saw was an empty flat, draft coming from the open window. He must have forgotten to close it when Lucas came in. When he tried to close it, his hand brushed against something sticky and he retracted it as if he’d been burned, leaning down to inspect.

It looked like a spiderweb… Great, he definitely needed spiders roaming about in his apartment. It was ironic that he’d had a minor crush on Spiderman when he hated actual spiders more than anything, but Spiderman wasn’t an actual spider, so.

The night breeze felt kind of nice, actually, so Eliott stepped out onto his fire escape, admiring the city from this point of view. He wished Lucas was still there to admire it with him, but he’d settle for a joint at the present moment. Luckily, he had one handy, so he lit it with the lighter Lucas had gotten him on a whim one time because the one he’d had forever had stopped working and let his thoughts mull around in his mind.

They strayed to Lucas, because Lucas had been a permanent fixture in his mind for years, but their new relationship had expanded that tenfold. As long as Eliott had known him, Lucas had never been one to forget plans or bail early with little to no excuse, so his forgetfulness lately confused Eliott a little bit. Sure, everyone had things going on, but the secrecy and lack of explanation was a bit suspicious, if Eliott was being honest with himself. He didn’t know if Lucas didn’t trust him, or if he just left without explanations because Eliott never demanded one.

He blew smoke through his nose, stubbing out the joint after only a few hits, too in his head to enjoy it properly. It wasn’t like his plans for the night had been ruined, because he hadn’t had plans until Lucas showed up at his window with that goofy, intoxicating grin of his, but now he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed regardless, wishing Lucas was there so they could ‘accidentally’ fall asleep together and cuddle all night long.

He stumbled back into his flat through the window, wondering how Lucas had come in so gracefully and went straight to his fridge as if it may grant him the answers to the universe. It didn’t, but he did realize he was out of milk, eggs, and beer, so he decided there was no time like the present to run out to the store and stock up on those essentials.

On his way out he realized he was still missing his favorite brown jacket, the one he’d lent to Spiderman all that time ago. He wondered if he’d ever get it back, wondered if he’d ever even see Spiderman again. It wasn’t a problem if he didn’t, but it was a bit strange how after they’d kissed Spiderman had seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Or out of Eliott’s life, at the very least. He was all over the city from what Eliott had seen on social media and the news. Hell, he’d probably even show up to Daphné’s party.

The store was only about a block away from Eliott’s flat, so the lack of jacket wasn’t too noticeable, but there was still a chill in the air he hadn’t felt in its entirety out on his balcony. There were quite a few people hovering around the store, many more than Eliott saw on a regular daily basis, and Eliott wondered why.

People were whispering to one another, passing phones and trying to get a better view over one another and Eliott caught the barest hints of their conversations as he wove his way through the throng of people.

“Did you see—?”

“That was insane!”

“How did Spiderman get here so quickly?”

Eliott stopped where he stood, turning to the person that had just spoken. “Did you say Spiderman?”

The girl in question smirked, raising her eyebrows. “Where have you been? Spiderman just came out of nowhere and stopped a robbery in progress inside the store. I don’t know how he knew so quickly… he’s so fearless, too, the robber had a gun on him and he just dodged every bullet without breaking a sweat. Well, maybe he did break a sweat, but with the suit you can’t really tell…” she trailed off, and Eliott stopped paying attention, pushing back through the way he’d come. A sense of urgency had overtaken him, and he figured Spiderman might still be close by so they could at least have a conversation. Maybe it wasn’t the best time, but Eliott was tired of waiting.

He almost ran past his building when a blur of red and blue caught his eye from the fire escape. He skidded to a halt, blinking up at the figure looking through his window. “Spiderman?” he called out, then realized he should lower his voice a bit. “Spiderman?”

That unreadable gaze turned to face him, and Spiderman froze like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Eliott went to the base of the fire escape, but Spiderman jumped down with ease before Eliott could even begin to ascend the many stairs.

“What are you doing here?” Eliott asked.

“Stopping a robbery,” Spiderman said, completely casually, as if he hadn’t just been peering through Eliott’s window.

Eliott sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know that. I meant what are you doing at my flat?”

Spiderman shrugged, leaning against the building. “I was in the neighborhood?”

“Hilarious, L,” Eliott said, massaging his temples with one hand.

Spiderman stumbled, masked voice coming out a bit shaky. “What did you just call me?”

Eliott furrowed his brows, then blushed as he realized his slip of the tongue. “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from. Well, I do, it’s the nickname I have for my boyfriend, but I don’t know why I just called you that. Habit, maybe.” He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry.”

Spiderman didn’t say anything, and Eliott wondered if he was thinking about how Eliott had technically ‘cheated’ on said boyfriend when the two of them had kissed. He debated setting the record straight, but now that he wasn’t pining after Spiderman anymore, he didn’t really see the point, it would only confuse things more.

“So… long time no see,” Eliott tried, never knowing how to break the ice on an awkward conversation, especially when this one was so far out of anything he’d ever experienced before.

“Yeah,” Spiderman agreed, settling back against the wall again. “Sorry about that.”

Eliott shook his head. “Don’t be, I just wanted to see you one last time, to clarify things.”

Spiderman cocked his head to one side. “Oh?”

“When you kissed me, I was more shocked than anything,” Eliott admitted, “And sure, it was a good kiss, but I need you to know that I’m very, very, in love with my boyfriend.”

“I’m sure he’s fantastic,” Spiderman agreed, and Eliott didn’t quite know if he was being sarcastic or not.

Eliott coughed, offering, “We can still be, like, friends, though. If you want. You’re still a pretty great person. Or spider-person, or whatever.”

“What would your boyfriend say about that?” Spiderman asked.

Eliott laughed, thinking about Lucas’ reaction in his mind. He was pretty sure that they were confident enough in their feelings for one another that it wouldn’t matter. He was also pretty sure Spiderman wouldn’t hang around him as much now that there was nothing between them, so it wouldn’t really even be a problem. Something told him that Lucas would like Spiderman, though, if they ever met.

“I really don’t think he’d be too worried about it. We can all hang out together, if you want,” he suggested, knowing that was probably pushing it a bit far, but wanting to show Spiderman how serious he was about his relationship with Lucas. The look Spiderman gave him was somewhere between belief and disbelief, or maybe he was just reading too far into things given what he could discern from the mask.

“Eliott,” Spiderman said, taking a step towards him, “I’m sorry.”

That was not what he had been expecting. “Sorry? For what?”

“All the things I want to tell you,” Spiderman said. He looked down at his hands, at his suit. “Your boyfriend is one lucky guy.”

He started to walk away, but Eliott stopped him, placing a hand on his arm. He was too confused to just let him walk away again. “You can tell me anything, I swear I won’t tell a soul unless you want me to.”

But Spiderman just shook his head. “You’d never forgive me.”

“I bet I would.”

“Don’t say that, please.” Spiderman tore his arm from Eliott’s grip, pausing and looking up at him. “I’d say ‘see you around’, but I think it’d be best if we both forgot about each other.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Eliott asked genuinely. He knew where he stood with his feelings, and even if Spiderman maybe liked him, it was clear to both of them that was never going to happen, especially when Spiderman wouldn’t even remove his mask fully to kiss Eliott.

Spiderman laughed, like the question had been funny. “Oh, El. Everything,” he said, shooting a web to the top of the building next to Eliott’s apartment and swinging out of sight before Eliott even had a chance to respond. Instead, he stood in the alley alone, more confused than ever.

L🕷U🕷C🕷A🕷S

He’d been stupid, going back to Eliott’s place, but every decision he made was stupid when it came to Eliott, so he hadn’t thought it through at the time. Now he couldn’t stop overthinking every word he’d said. Eliott had looked so puzzled, so lost, and Lucas knew that his words were probably coming from a million different directions and causing more confusion than closure.

He’d called Eliott El, and Eliott had called him L, but he prayed the former had gone unnoticed. There was a part of him that worried Eliott still yearned for the hero that he thought Spiderman was, that he’d leave Lucas in a heartbeat if there was a chance of something more between them.

(He knew this was stupid, that he was Spiderman, and Eliott couldn’t very well leave him for him, but Lucas rationalized that Eliott could, in fact, leave him for the idea of him.)

As he’d sat with Eliott, watching a movie that pretty much encapsulated all the things Eliott loved about cinema, and realized that this was real, they were really together, he’d wanted to stay in that moment forever. But, of course, when his ‘spider senses’, as Yann called them, tingled and he knew that something wasn’t right, the moment was broken.

He wished he’d never been bitten by that stupid spider, and immediately felt guilty for wishing so. How selfish was he, that he’d sacrifice such an amazing thing that could help so many people just for the chance at being Eliott’s forever?

Eliott hadn’t texted him at all after he’d left, both as Lucas and as Spiderman. Lucas didn’t know how to feel about that, and he hoped he hadn’t messed with Eliott’s thoughts too much. The last thing he needed was for Eliott to tell him that he was in love with Spiderman again.

He still felt guilty for leaving, too, even though he’d known he had to. There had been a possibility that something really bad could have happened, and how could he claim the title of ‘superhero’ if he’d ignored it? Granted, he hated the title of superhero, but if he had to wear it he may as well live up to it.

Things had been a bit precarious as of late, since he’d found Eliott in that abandoned building. The building had disappeared overnight, which shouldn’t have been possible, and he couldn’t get the image of the faceless man out of his mind. It felt like something was brewing, something bigger than him, and he was about to get caught in the crossfire. He didn’t sign up for this shit, he didn’t sign up for any of it, really, but movie supervillains come to life were not what he’d been expecting when he’d first donned his mask and suit. Was the world really so bad that when it gave someone the power to make a positive change it also created someone hell bent on doing the opposite? Did the man he’d fought at the eiffel tower have something to do with all of this too?

Lucas pushed the thoughts from his mind, not willing to entertain them any longer, especially on his way to meet Eliott. He’d talk it all over with Imane and Yann later, they were much better at this whole thing than he was. If Imane was Spiderman (or woman, he supposed) Lucas was nearly certain that she’d never have made this many messes, and if she did, she’d know just how to clean them up.

The worst part was that he’d really been so good at keeping Spiderman and Lucas separate (at least for the most part, upside down kiss aside) but the more time went on the more lines blurred and he didn’t know how long he’d be able to keep this up, all the secrecy. It was one thing to lie to millions of people you didn’t know, it was quite another to lie to the one person you loved more than anything.

Yann kept telling him to tell Eliott the truth, and Imane kept threatening to tell Eliott the truth herself if he didn’t get his head out of his ass, but he knew she would never actually do something like that. He also knew that they were both right, but what constituted the correct circumstances to say such a thing?

Eliott was already in the foyer when Lucas opened the door, completely lost in his thoughts. Lucas hardly registered Eliott’s presence until he was greeted by a soft kiss on the forehead, something that was pretty unusual given his new abilities. It was hard to surprise him anymore, but he did have a lot on his mind, and his guard was always down around Eliott.

Eliott still didn’t seem like Eliott, though, and it worried Lucas. Normally, he would have rattled off a list of ideas for the mural right off the bat, but instead he went back to stand in front of the wall in silence, looking pensive. Lucas shrugged off his jacket and shoes and went to stand beside him.

Honestly, it was a wonder Eliott had never taken his height difference with both Spiderman and Lucas into account when he was searching for Spiderman’s identity. Then again, Lucas didn’t even know if Eliott had ever actively sought out Spiderman’s identity. He knew that he would have, but he knew that Eliott probably cared more about respecting Spiderman’s wishes than discovering who he was under the mask. Lucas wasn’t sure how that made him feel. On one hand, it was nice to know how caring and considerate Eliott was, how respectful he was of others even when it didn’t benefit him. On the other, would Eliott really have been satisfied with a love like that? Sure, love was blind, and Lucas would have had to tell him eventually, but did he really not care who was under the mask, did he really think it wouldn’t make a difference?

“We should talk,” Eliott said, and Lucas stiffened involuntarily. There it was, everything was about to come crashing down.

Lucas couldn’t bring his eyes to meet Eliott’s. “About what?”

“I, um, had a run in with Spiderman last night,” Eliott said, and Lucas did his best to look confused.

“Oh?” What else was there to say?

From the corner of his eye, Lucas saw Eliott lift his hand to his lips, running his fingers back and forth across his lips, a nervous habit he’d always had. “It was kind of confusing, if I’m being honest,” Eliott admitted, and Lucas squeezed his eyes shut.

“If you’re going to break up with me, Eliott, just do it,” he said defeatedly, not wanting to drag things out longer than necessary. He risked a glance at Eliott and saw that he looked completely taken aback.

“Wha— Why would I break up with you?” Eliott asked.

“Because you love him more than me.” Because you love the fearless, heroic version of me more than the one you’ve known for years. The one that’s shared every vulnerability, every flaw.

“Lucas—” Eliott reached out to him and Lucas took a step back. Eliott looked hurt, and Lucas didn’t know why. He was the one that should have been hurting. “Lucas, I’m not breaking up with you.”

Now it was Lucas’ turn to blink in surprise. “What?”

“I love you,” Eliott reminded him, but Lucas’ insecurities had taken the better of him, and he’d dug himself into an impossible hole.

“Yeah, for now. But a week ago you were in love with Spiderman. How do I know I’m not just the person right in front of you, the one you love because you think it’ll fulfill you until the superhero is yours for the taking?” Lucas asked.

Eliott rolled his eyes. “Are you serious? I don’t half ass love, I could never.”

“That’s what you think, but—”

“Well, what about you, huh?” Eliott demanded, going on the offensive. “When we’re together, it’s everything, and I feel every bit of love you have to share, but then you leave, you leave, and you leave. Or you don’t show up. Or you’re god knows where with god knows who at all hours of the day and night and I’m just expected to sit back and say nothing because it’s your life, but I’m a bigger part of that now, whether you like it or not, so when you leave and don’t show up and disappear I don’t know what to do.”

Well, fuck. “Well sorry for not telling you my location every second of the day, last I checked you were my boyfriend, not my father.” Well, double fuck. Why did he never know when to stop talking?

“You’re impossible,” Eliott said, shaking his head and looking away. He’d said it a million times before, usually accompanied with a laugh or a fond look. Never this cold, never this serious. Lucas didn’t like fighting, especially with Eliott, but he’d been holding back so many things recently, keeping so many secrets from so many people, that he got needlessly defensive to avoid spilling them all.

He was scared that he would say something he’d regret, or spill a secret he wasn’t ready to spill, so he clamped his mouth shut, dipped his brush in paint, and flung it at Eliott.

Eliott stumbled back in shock, and Lucas hoped his added strength hadn’t made it hurt at all. Eliott’s fingers traced the paint that now adorned the left side of his face and shoulder, and his expression turned from shocked to indignant.

Lucas saw it coming, not only because of his spider senses, but also because he knew that when he reacted, Eliott exhibited an equal or opposite reaction, just like Newton stated. This reaction was going to be equal.

Sure enough, he got a swipe of blue paint right across his forehead. This probably would have been sexy, under other circumstances, and Lucas hoped that a parallel version of himself got to have a sexy paint fight with Eliott rather than this petty one.

They both completely disregarded the task at hand, even dropping their brushes and grabbing as much paint as their hands could hold before throwing it at each other. In the back of his mind, Lucas knew that he could have just apologized, that he should have just apologized.

Though, he had to admit that a paint fight was an excellent way to release pent up tension. He thought he saw a little spark of light in Eliott’s eyes, like maybe he wasn’t actually mad, but it only made Lucas throw the paint a little harder. Fuck Eliott for being so perfect all the time.

Paint was flying from every angle in every color, and Lucas also knew that, frustrated as he may have been, Eliott’s brain was taking it’s time to appreciate the art in what they were doing too, the ways the colors mixed and how they landed and blended on skin, clothes, the floor beneath them. If he had been more artistically inclined, Lucas probably would have been appreciating it too.

“What the hell is going on here?” someone screeched and Lucas and Eliott both froze mid throw, turning to the door with wide eyes. Daphné was looking at the two of them in utter dismay, the rest of the girls behind her.

“Lucas started it,” Eliott said.

“Eliott’s being a dick,” Lucas said.

“Eliott was trying to have a conversation.”

“Lucas doesn’t give a shit.”

“Maybe Lucas should give a shit.”

Despite knowing that the girls were all standing there watching, Lucas lifted a paint can with ease, dumping its contents on Eliott. Eliott wiped his eyes, looking a little bit more angry now, but before he could retaliate, Imane ran in and stood between the two, holding her hands out and giving them each a disapproving glare, Lucas especially. She probably knew that this argument had stemmed from Lucas unwillingness to be truthful with Eliott.

“Don’t make me,” she hissed under her breath to Lucas, not having to say more than that for him to get the point. She said something to Eliott too, but Lucas couldn’t hear it. Whatever it was Eliott deflated, anger leaving his eyes. He dropped the paint can he’d been holding with a loud thud, shaking his hair slightly to get rid of excess paint before grabbing his shoes off the floor and storming out of the room.

Lucas was tempted to do the same, but Imane leveled him with another glare. “Not so fast. You’re not leaving until this mess is cleaned up.”

“Eliott got to leave,” he whined indignantly.

“Don’t test me, Lallemant.” She pointed a finger at him, shaking her head.

Lucas sighed, but obeyed her instructions. He owed her, Daphné, and Eliott that much. He and Eliott both probably needed a little bit of space, anyway, because apparently the two of them trying to talk ended in paint wars.

Maybe his life would be better if he just shut up for a change. A lot of people’s lives probably would be, Eliott’s included. Funny how he could be a hero and a disaster at the same time. Hopefully that disaster wouldn’t start trickling into his heroic façade, that really would just be the icing on top of the cake, wouldn’t it?

#skam france #elu fic #elu spiderman au #elu #we back !

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yoon-kooks · 6 years

Text

Witch Hazel- Pt.2

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.6k

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: yikes i haven’t updated this in super long aaaaaaaaa also happy birthday to the nuttiest kid in all the land, jeon jungkook :-)

“Hey have you read Witch Hazel yet?”

“Of course I have… Who hasn’t?”

“True, it really went viral after Snow made that tweet, huh.”

“I can’t believe how much power that bitch has…”

“Yeah but that jk.seagull boy is super talented regardless.”

“It’s just a shame he wastes his talent on Snow of all people.”

“Right? Like, can you imagine if he wrote something about Park Jimin?? It’d be even more popular than Witch Hazel will ever b-”

The gossip dissipates as you walk into the art room, as if your classmates know you’re the idol they’ve been shit talking. But of course, that isn’t the case. It’s simply your chilling aura that halts any conversation for a brief moment.

You set your guitar case down and take your usual seat at the same table as the only two people who don’t seem to mind your presence.

“Y/N, did you hear? Jungkook became an overnight sensation,” Taehyung whispers to you as he points at the black mass that’s slumped over the table.

“Are you trying to tell me he’s the one who wrote the infamous Witch Hazel?” you yawn, unamused. But out of curiosity you look over to the boy who’s all bundled up under his hood with his head resting against the table, trying to catch up on as much sleep as possible before class begins. There’s no way he could write a fanfic comic about you.

“What? No! No, no, no, no,” Taehyung laughs and pulls out his phone to show you the same tabloid you’d seen the other day—the one that claimed Snow and Jimin were secretly dating. He points to the ominous hooded figure in the background of the photos. “Someone pointed him out in the midst of the whole Snow-Jimin chaos and now he’s a Twitter meme.”

“What kind of meme…?” You only ask because Jungkook does give off major meme vibes. Maybe it’s the way he pairs his round Harry Potter glasses and baggy hoodie with the tiny silver gauges in his ear and the ripped jeans that hug his thighs. He’s like some weeby hipster fusion, and you aren’t quite sure how to feel about that.

You don’t know what you were actually expecting, but it does feel a little shitty when you find out the meme in question features Jungkook as a shocked grim reaper who accidentally kills Snow’s career. Suddenly, you remember why you had chosen to stay away from social media.

“Funny, right?” Taehyung pats his sleeping friend’s broad back to wake him up. “But what’s even funnier is the fact that the cold-hearted Y/N reads fanfic, too??” Jungkook’s head pops up and tilts when he spots you sitting at their table. Oh no. The weeb thinks you’re one of them.

“I don't really read fanfic, okay? It’s just that Witch Hazel happened to be all over the internet, so I was curious.” You wave your hands in defense, praying they don’t get the wrong idea.

“Did you like it?” It’s literally the first fucking time you recall Jungkook ever speaking to you. His voice is much softer towards you than when he chatters with Taehyung, and there’s a genuine curiosity and innocence in his eyes.

“It was fine.” It’s not like you can just say no to those big doe eyes. “I just can’t believe there are people out there who really see Snow as their muse…” And what a relief it is to know.

Jungkook nods, although it seems like he’d say more if he wasn’t so shy. You watch as he pulls out two pages from his sketchbook, one with a realistic sketch of Taehyung’s face, and the other a comic version of a nerdy Jungkook.

“Thanks, friend.” Taehyung slides the beautiful portrait of himself over to the desk space in front of him and angles it towards you. “Stunning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, too bad you didn't draw it yourself, you snake,” you shake your head. Despite all the hardwork Jungkook put into the portrait, you can’t help but feel bothered by the fact that his friend almost fucked him over with their little deal.

“Aww, don’t be so bitter, Y/N. I’m sure Jungkook would be willing to draw you too if you gave him something in return~” Taehyung winks at you, and as much as you’d love to tell him off, you can’t.

“Shut up, Tae-”

“I don't need his help,” you cut Jungkook off, pulling out your own self-portrait. Somehow it looks a lot uglier now than when you had first finished it. But whatever. At least it’s your own work, your own art. “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

Both Taehyung and Jungkook stare at your art, not really knowing what to say. The more you look at it yourself, the more you see that it doesn’t resemble you.

“Hey it kind of looks like Sn-”

“Alright everyone, it’s time for class to begin.” You’re thankful that your professor cut Taehyung off before his loud mouth said too much. You can’t believe your idiot self accidentally drew your portrait as a glammed-up Snow with her beautiful blue eyes rather than as a bland college kid Y/N with no shits to give. “Let’s start by taking a look at all of our self-portraits.”

You watch as your classmates take out their drawings, some better than others, but none quite as terrible as your own. You suppose you shouldn’t feel bad, considering you didn’t enter a school of the arts with the intentions of becoming an artist with paints and a sketchbook like most of your drawing class did. You entered school with the intentions of becoming an artist with your guitar and notebook. And the only reason why you made the decision to include this unrelated class on your schedule was to escape your failures as the musician you wished to be.

“Taehyung, since you love to talk, why don’t you start us off by introducing your piece? And then we’ll just go around the classroom one-by-one.” Your professor gestures to Jungkook’s drawing of Taehyung’s face. Great. The last thing you want to do is show off your ugly Snow portrait to an entire room of people you don’t really feel close to. If any of them find out you’re an idol, you’ll have to quit school. That was the agreement you made with Seokjin after he encouraged you to give school a chance.

“Well, I’d like to think my portrait is pretty straightforward. My approach was to be as realistic as possible while accentuating my most defining features such as my long eyelashes and beauty marks. And I did this by…” Taehyung goes on and on in such detail about the portrait that he didn’t even draw. It’s actually quite impressive. You envy his ability to speak with such confidence and charisma in a way that makes everyone believe his shitty art skills could produce something so beautiful. He knows how to make everyone his friend.

“Can you believe Taehyung’s that talented at drawing despite being a photography major?” You hear two girls whispering amongst themselves. “He’s incredible.”

Next is Jungkook. You snicker a bit at his drawing because it’s not exactly what you’d expect from the art genius of the class. While he had made Taehyung’s portrait super realistic, his own portrait looks like a bespectacled nerd that came straight out of a manga. Weeb. The thing that stands out most is his big nose. But you find it kind of cute.

“I just drew myself in comic form because that’s what I was most comfortable with,” he says, staring down at his sketch. You can tell he kind of trolled by overemphasizing with some dynamic lines for a more dramatic effect on his meme face.

“Amazing job as always, Jungkook,” your professor gives the boy a thumbs up in approval and elaborates further on the refined techniques he incorporated into the assignment. Jungkook only nods in response to the nice feedback. You appreciate how humble he is despite the professional level of his art. In the corner of your eye, however, you swear you see the same pair of Taehyung fangirls roll their eyes.

Finally it’s your turn. It’s unfortunate that you have to show your shitty artwork right after Jungkook’s two masterpieces, but it could be worse. After all, this wouldn’t be the first time your artistic ability has been criticized and compared with others. As an idol, you deal with that all the time.

“My self-portrait doesn’t look like me because it’s like a mask that superheroes wear to conceal their identities. So people don’t know what’s really hiding beneath the surface.” You don’t mean to darken the mood, but that’s the best way to put it without explicitly saying you have another identity as Snow. No one in your class makes a comment, but you suppose that’s expected. They wouldn't understand.

“And the blue eyes?” You wish your professor wouldn’t prompt you with more questions. Why couldn't she just say you did a good job and move on like she did with everyone else? You feel singled-out.

“I think they’re prettier than my real eyes.” You don’t want to tell everyone you’re a cold-hearted ice queen, but you aren’t completely lying either. Back when you first entered Polar Entertainment, you remember thinking it’d be cute to wear those icy blue contacts for your audition. And you suppose it paid off because you were told you were beautiful with a beautiful voice, perfectly suited to be an idol. But an idol was never what you wanted to be. Beauty wasn’t what you wanted to be remembered by, but that seems to be the only thing people ever praise Snow for.

“So your portrait is more of a reflection of who you’d like to be?” Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

“Yeah,” you say, in hopes that your professor will move on to pestering the next person. Thankfully, she does.

After wasting the majority of class on showcasing everyone’s artwork, your professor announces that there’s a “phase two” in the portrait unit. The new assignment is basically to draw yourself again, “but with the interpretation and direction from two of your classmates.” Your professor also notes that this group project requires a lot of work and interaction outside of class, and that you should get to know your groupmates really well in order to succeed in this assignment. Fantastic. You hate group projects.

You remember the horror stories from high school of being that one kid who couldn’t find a group, or having incompetent groupmates who let you down. You’d much prefer to do the work all on your own. Especially when you know your class has some pretty incompetent students of its own, namely Kim Taehyung. You’d hate to be stuck with that guy.

“Psst, Jungkook, Y/N. Wanna be in a group together?” No, you do not want to be in a group with Taehyung. However, you’re in no position to turn down his offer. Because you’re sure everyone else in your class wouldn’t appreciate having you on their team. That's just the way things are.

“Sure,” you say. Jungkook nods after you. Perhaps working with Jungkook will outweigh being dragged down by a slacker like Taehyung.

“Great, should we hangout after class today? Today’s like the one time I don’t have a date planned.” Taehyung flips through the filled calendar on his phone before handing his phone over for you to give him your number. After doing so, you check your own phone for a text from the boy with his number, but instead you find a message from your boss.

2:46PM monster lady👹 “Snow-- Seokjin informed me that you’ve requested to take time off from work. In light of this and the current situation regarding Park Jimin, please drop by my office today so we can have an open discussion about the best option for you moving forward.”

“I can’t, I have somewhere to go after class. Sorry guys.” You only feel bad because you’re the one holding them back.

“Where do you have to go? Is it a date?” Taehyung asks. Why does this guy only ever think about dates?

“No…” you answer, praying he’ll stop being so nosy.

“Then what-”

“Actually, I’m busy today too,” Jungkook adds before the other boy can say anything else. “I have to do a bunch of drawings for my animation class.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Taehyung shakes his head at you and Jungkook, as if he’s the responsible one in the group. “How did I get stuck with the two most antisocial people in the class?”

“You’re the one who asked us,” is what you want to say, but Jungkook says it for you.

“Fine, fine,” the other boy gives in because he knows he’ll fail the class without his buddy. “I’ll go get laid tonight, I guess.”

You nod, packing your things into bag and picking up your guitar. Before you leave, you realize you forgot something.

“Can I get your number too?” You point your guitar case in Jungkook’s direction. Flustered, he feels around his entire hoodie for his phone, only to remember it’s in the ass pocket of those tight jeans. He looks a bit hesitant about swapping phones with you, and you think it’s probably because he’s never gotten a girl’s number before.

But of course, it’s actually because he’s embarrassed by his lockscreen, a bright photo of Snow with a soft yellow sundress and her guitar. You remember you’d been excited for that photoshoot because you didn’t have to do any of the usual pin-up modeling that your company loves to milk out of you. But it’ll forever leave a bitter taste in your mouth because of the guitar. It was merely a prop, and nothing more.

You don’t say anything as you input your number into his phone, but you’ll never understand his infatuation with an idol as one-dimensional as Snow. Especially when he hasn’t even met her.

As you walk down the halls of your company’s building, you try not to get your hopes up. Sure, your boss might’ve sent you a friendly little text about having an “open discussion” with you, but you know she probably already has her mind made up on whatever’ll be best for herself and her company.

Knock. “Come in,” an authoritative voice calls out from the other side of the door. A middle-aged lady with round reading glasses and an edgy A-line bob sits at her desk, hands clasped together, when you step into her office. Yang Sooyoung, CEO of Polar Entertainment, the woman you’ve despised for the majority of your idol career, gestures for you to take the seat in front of her. “How are you today, Snow?”

“Good,” you lie. She doesn’t really give a shit about your well-being anyway, so why bother humoring her.

“That’s good,” she nods. “Were you busy earlier?” You know she’s only asking you this because she’s ticked off that you didn’t come sooner.

“I was just running some errands on my day off.” She isn’t aware that you attend school, and you’d like to keep it that way.

“Oh, I see. But please do try to make this your priority, just as we make you ours.”

“Of course.”

“That being said, we believe it’s best for you to apologize for the recent incident with Park Jimin. After we release a statement, you’ll be able to enjoy your time away from idol work, free of stress.”

“What exactly do you want me to apologize for?” You try your best not to come off sounding too annoyed, but you were never good at acting. Or being fake.

“For being too friendly with the boy, and as a result, causing a misunderstanding.” For being too friendly with a boy? All you recall doing was talking to Jimin for five minutes max.

“I need to apologize for that?”

“Yes,” she nods, completely serious. “I know you shouldn’t have to apologize, but it’s the most efficient way of handling the situation. I spoke to a representative from Bloom Entertainment, and they’ve already dealt with Jimin’s side.”

“I’ll clarify what happened in order to clear up any misunderstanding,” you say. “But I’m still not going to say sorry when I did nothing wrong.”

Your boss raises her pointy eyebrows and shakes her head. “Snow, for the sake of damage control, please just apologize. It doesn’t matter if it’s genuine or not. We just need to handle things professionally here.”

It doesn’t matter if you’re genuine. Just hearing those words infuriates you. “I can’t pretend like I’m obligated to apologize all the time just because I’m an idol with flaws. I don’t owe society anything.”

“But you do owe me and my company something, don’t you think? Who gave you the opportunity to become an idol in the first place? Me. So if you can’t suck it up and apologize to preserve my company’s reputation, then don’t call yourself an idol.”

What you want to do is quit and let your shitty boss rot with her company. The only reason her company has prospered is because of you—not the other way around. Ever since becoming an idol, you’ve felt more dead than alive. Snow, the fabricated idol, may be prospering. But Y/N, the actual girl behind Snow’s mask, is fading.

At the same time, you know you can’t quit. Not for the sake of the company, nor for the sake of money and fame, but for the sake of becoming someone’s hero, anyone’s hero. If you could achieve that goal through other means, you would. But at this rate, being the idol you hate is all you can do to make people happy. At least for now.

So you make your apology and let PR handle the rest. In exchange, you’re given a maximum of half a year to get your shit together before your contract expires.

That night, you lay sprawled out on your bed in your pink penguin pajamas. Rather than filling your mind with the toxicity you’ve been dealing with for the past few days, you try to let it go for now. Despite the frustrating talk you had with your boss, reality is sinking in that you have a nice long break ahead. You can’t remember the last time you’ve felt so relieved. Free.

You even made a promise to yourself that you’d steer far, far away from anything Snow or idol-related for the next few weeks. And there are only two exceptions you’ll make.

The first exception is your manager. As your one and only friend, you do rely on Seokjin more than you’d like to admit. Because not only does he keep you from doing irrational things as an idol, he also keeps you company on your days off from work and school. The two of you get along quite well, and he’s the only person you can be yourself around. He’s like your life boat—without him, you surely would’ve sunk long ago.

The second exception is Witch Hazel. And as soon as you curl up into your bed, you go to the jk.seagull blog, now bookmarked on your phone’s browser. He has several short posts added to his blog since the last time you checked.

“asdfghjkl;;;;”

“sHE!!!”

“i cant believe snow saw witch hazel?? and even tweeted about it??”

“guys this makes me so happy :((((”

“brb crying”

“ok im back but holy fuck wow”

“anyway thank you guys so much for showing this comic a lot of love and support :(((”

“ill try my best to make pt.2 even better! i might be a little busy with art school, but please anticipate another update soon!”

He’s an art student like you. He’s enthusiastic about sharing his art with others, like the way you feel when releasing a new album. He’s genuinely grateful for the support from his audience, like the way you feel at the end of every concert. But he does it all behind a mask, just like you.

Just as you’re about to close your browser and text Seokjin about spending the night, a new post pops up on jk.seagull’s blog.

“lmao heres a sneak peek of pt.2 that no one asked for~”

Beneath the caption is a sketch of little Snow trying to make friends with a bunny boy character, but she fails because she’s too much of a stubborn tsundere. You assume this new bunny character must be a fellow superhero of some sort, a possible ally or maybe even a romantic interest. Either way, you find it both cute and hilarious. Snow could never have a romantic interest in real life, but you suppose it’s nice to dream. At the same time, you laugh because it’s true that you struggle with being too stubborn and closed off to make friends. Somehow, this jk.seagull guy knows you too well.

With that, you close your browser and open the messaging app on your phone. But rather than texting Seokjin like you had originally planned, you start a new chat.

9:37PM Y/N “Taehyung, Jungkook, let’s meet up tomorrow morning if you guys are free to work on the project”

9:38PM Y/N “💃💃💃”

You aren’t sure why you felt the need to include a stream of dancing girl emojis, but maybe it’s the least you can do in an effort to be more friendly.

9:40PM Taehyung “Yeah I’m not free lol”

9:40PM Jungkook “im free💃💃💃”

You’re so distracted by the fact that Jungkook reciprocated the same dancing girl emojis that you skim right over Taehyung’s message.

9:41PM Y/N “Good. Let’s meet at the mall tomorrow at 10?”

A/N: next time on dragon ball z, y/n and jungkook will legit interact, i swear💋

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts angst #jungkook fanfic #bts fluff #jungkook x reader #bts college au #bts idol au #jungkook #bts #bangtan #witch hazel

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cosmicflowchart · 5 years

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do you have any Colin + kitty + pearl family headcanons? Your writing is lovely it'd be great to hear your thoughts :)

aww thank you, that’s so sweet!! and yeah i do :D these are sort of broad and disorganized, and there’s a lot of ‘em, but here’s what i think the ritmans get up to:

kitty and colin first met at a gay bar. colin had just started bleaching his hair and was actually kind of nervous that people were now, you know, seeing him with it

kitty slid in next to him and asked, “who does your hair?” and when colin said, “I do,” she fired back, “i could tell. still, not bad for a first attempt. keep at it, mate.”

colin might’ve been a bit intoxicated, so he laughed. even if it was a bit of an insult, she came back so quickly that it caught him off guard, in a good way.

(sidenote: kitty’s way funnier than colin is. colin knows computers and timelines and conspiracies and all that shit, but kitty can make anyone laugh, especially colin.)

later, as they started hanging out more, they discovered they were the only two bisexuals at that bar and (supposedly) in that part of town

they started dating like three weeks after they first met

kitty bleached her hair the day after they started going out together and colin was like :OO and she just went “i think it suits me, what do you think?” and he was just. jaw on the floor, man.

all of their gay friends assumed they were each other’s beards/that they were both just gay/homosexuals and were like “oh that’s so sweet of you, what good friends!” but nah. they were into each other and they were still very bisexual

they had to deal with so much biphobia and erasure it was ridiculous. at one point kitty considered dying her hair the color of the bi flag so people would get the hint, but colin talked her out of it (striped hair is the one style that kitty doesn’t look good in)

when they got married, they dyed their hair the same color–bright green. was it tacky? absolutely. did it match the outfits they had picked out? nope! did they care? fuck no.

they didn’t have an elaborate ceremony, they’re both really private, but they did invite friends

parenthood????? ?? not the plan at all!!! neither kitty nor colin wanted kids–they bonded over their mutual disinterest in (and disgust with) them

kitty and colin don’t get along with their parents so they were afraid they’d turn out like said parents, and that their potential children would grow up without grandparental guidance

but when they realized kitty was pregnant, it never crossed their minds to get rid of her; they just thought “oh okay, this is happening, let’s figure this out”

and it took them a few months of slaving over the well-being of this incompetent infant ((parenting is super fuckin hard alright)) before they realized that like, hey, they’re actually doing this! somehow!!

you remember that smile colin has when he looks down at baby!pearl in his arms in that one bandersnatch path? yeah, imagine that smile, but every time he so much as looks at or thinks about pearl. he’s just like wow okay i made a human holy shit

even when pearl’s done something dumb he’s just like that’s my girl

actually. when she does do something and fails, he does the whole “you failed! and it was wonderful!” thing from meet the robinsons

kitty makes fun of him for it, not because it’s not masculine (colin doesn’t give a shit honestly, gender’s as much of a prison as reality is), but because she knows exactly who he’s looking at when he makes that exact smile and she’s like okay what did our child do now

he didn’t take nearly as many hallucinogens the older he got, parenthood makes that way less responsible–and he definitely didn’t want kitty to be the One Parent in charge when he was home

kitty. is so soft. like not just personality wise but just in terms of touch. she’s also the best damn hugger in the world

colin and pearl are notably not huggers except when it comes to kitty for this exact reason

neither kitty nor colin are very good cooks. pearl can kind of cook, so when she hit about seventeen she started cooking for them

the takeout folks know who the ritmans are. they ended up being friends of the family once kitty was about three

despite the stress and time demands of his job, colin made every effort to go to every event pearl was in, even if A) she claimed she didn’t need him there or B) he had to stay up until 4 am that night finishing something.

he had no idea how much love he had for pearl until she appeared and he just. he kind of enjoys being a dad, even though he never expected to

pearl never achieved the same level of chill as her dad (and she tended to envy him for it)

so one day she just sat him down and said how are you so calm all the time?!?!?

his answer boiled down to A) he did a ton of drugs in the 80s and it probably fucked his brain chemistry permanently, and B) [more healthily] he’s just along for the ride, and you can only really control (if that) how you react and behave to what comes at you

pearl always found that really hard to do–like kitty, she found that things bothered her even when she knew instinctively they really didn’t matter–but she started going to therapy to sort through that

pearl started being interested in her dad’s career in her early teens; she wanted to rebel (as all middle schoolers do) but when she found out her dad–who she was pretty sure was just a giant Nerd–did all these edgy, critically acclaimed games, she just went hey dad whatcha doin and started learning from him

by 18 she was making her own games–this would’ve been 2000/2001-ish, so she’d still be making 2D games and shit, but she also started making 3D games after getting the right hardware

((the perks of having a massively successful game developer for a dad lmao))

when pearl showed colin her first completed game, which was (of course) a choose-your-own-adventure, he actually cried with joy. he didn’t burst into tears, but he welled up and had trouble talking for a moment. she was like “dad you okay” and he just kinda. he threw his arms around her. he’d gotten his hopes down for whatever the universe was in store for her but she got all the best parts of him and none of the bad stuff well okay she did but she was in therapy and that was helping A LOT

she was still convinced that she should’ve removed the government conspiracy track, it felt like too much for her first game. but colin loved it.

she was worried that her competition (which there wasn’t quite yet) would try and steal her work before she could publish it…..kitty reassured her that wouldn’t happen but like. what if

(she eventually grew out of her conspiracy-theory phase, but that didn’t happen until her mid-20s, before which she and colin grew way closer)

(oh yeah, pearl definitely grew up with a bit of paranoia. it had nothing to do with living with Mr. Conspiracy Theory himself, it was just a side effect of undiagnosed ADHD)

colin had always secretly hoped she’d get into programming, but he never forced the issue. if the universe wanted her to follow in his footsteps, it’d happen on its own. he didn’t want to influence her (and if she was anything like him, if he suggested she program something, she would have proceeded to very much NOT do that.

pearl has that same “don’t tell me what to do” streak that her dad (and kitty!) has, but faced worse judgment for it for being a girl, especially in school

…..prompting kitty to offer to come to school, and later pearl’s workplace, to kick their asses (usually joking???????? you can’t really tell with kitty)

when pearl was about six, and kitty offered to kick someone’s ass (well, when pearl was six kitty just offered to ‘talk them down’), pearl just said loudly, “eh it’s okay, if they make fun of me for throwing like a girl again, i’ll just beat them up myself”

kitty looked a little worried, but colin laughed from the other room so honestly, score one for pearl

pearl was like……..half joking

by the way, she has no memory of saying this at all

but it ends up being colin and kitty’s favorite story to tell and embarrass pearl with at parties

adult!pearl built her own computer, and when she showed it off to colin and kitty, kitty was just like, jaw on the floor, this is fuckin cool and pearl was just talking her through all of the parts she got and was real proud of herself :)))

colin had this big fuckin smile on his face before he just said, you showoff, and then praised her for real.

pearl tried pot during her first year of university. just a couple times, though. didn’t do much for her.

but colin knew when she came back from school. he could tell.

as soon as pearl realized he knew she tried to explain it, but he just went listen you have no idea how many drugs i did when i was your age, don’t sweat it love

bandersnatch (2018)……oof. that wasn’t fun. that was the one big argument they had.

pearl and colin, being almost similar personalities, did have their disagreements when she was growing up, but it was never as deep or prolonged as when colin found out pearl was remaking it, starring someone he kind of cared about.

it became an off-limits point of discussion when pearl called or visited, after an argument that was so bad that kitty left the room in tears.

both colin and pearl were like…….shit. so they agreed not to talk about it.

i’m stopping there because this got a little long-winded. but there you go~

#long post #kitty ritman #colin ritman #bandersnatch #black mirror #black mirror: bandersnatch #anon ask #ask #hc #headcanon #headcanons #pearl ritman #kitty #colin #pearl #KITTY SAID GAY RIGHTS

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readingwebcomics · 5 years

Text

Analyzing Questionable Content: Pages 51-100

No Faye, it only looks that way because he’s playing Final Fantasy X-2. Good God, I just realized that Final Fantasy X-2 is someone’s first experience with Final Fantasy. That’s a depressing thought. Although someone starting out the series with Final Fantasy XIII is probably way worse, now that I think about it. At least X-2 had fun.

…huh? Oh right, the comic. You sure you’d rather not listen to me write an essay on Final Fantasy, instead? I have this great point about how Final Fantasy IX has the most emotionally impactful narrative but as a game it only really clicks with long-time players of… no? Okay fine, let’s get back into QC.

The very next comic has Marten getting a tax return check for $1,100, and being the wise adult that he is, decides to spend that money on a new guitar. Tagging along, Faye brings up something that gives us new insight on her character:

And clearly didn’t bore her, considering how much of that information she retained. Here we have yet another example of a shared interest between these two, Marten clearly being into Guitars if he’s invested enough to blow a fat wad of money on it and Faye carrying around quite a bit of information on the instrument herself. I’ve made the point in the last post, but to reiterate – at this point in the comic, it’s clear these two are clicking as far as interests go. They can keep up with each other, can and have provided support for one another, and challenge one another… okay granted that last one isn’t entirely true, it’s clear Faye challenges Marten more than vice-versa, but still. There is a clear, acting relationship dynamic between these two, whether platonic or romantic. The reason why early QC works as well as it does is because these two have clear characters to them and their relationship FEELS real – they feel like people you’d know who’d really be friends – or maybe more than friends. This is Jeph’s character writing at… well I hesitate to call it at its best because to imply he peaked as early as the 53rd comic would be an insult to him as a writer, and I’m not looking to do that here.

I’m looking to do that a little bit later on in this part when we discuss Faye’s “character quirk.”

Before that however, we’re going to get a little bit on insight on Marten:

The story is elaborated on in a future comic, but here we get Marten’s backstory – traveling across the country for a girl, the relationship falling apart and leaving him stuck in this part of the country. This will go on to explain several of his character choices, including Pintsize (although that’s something we’re not going to approach until MUCH later on). It also further elaborates on Marten’s character as a whole: He doesn’t make many active actions as a whole, but when he does, it tends to shift the entire dynamic of how he lives. He decided he wanted to follow this woman across the country, and that action ended up completely upending his life. Could this be part of the reason why Marten is so passive? Does he skew towards this lifestyle because he’s been “trained” to take any kind of affirmative action as an intense, life-changing event?

While I’m not certain myself, and I have a damn good feeling Jeph wasn’t thinking that far ahead when writing Marten’s character, it’s an angle I’m willing to continue exploring as we further our journey down this comic’s history.

This comic was written in 2003. I’m half-tempted to believe Meme culture can be tracked by indie bands now. Wonder if there was any zeitgeist with neo-nazi indie bands ten or fifteen years ago then, if that theory holds true?

…I just made myself really, really sad.

Later on, Pintsize proceeds to eat a cake when he really shouldn’t – again – and we are gifted with… this lovely image.

Okay. I understand Pintsize is an AI, so it makes total sense for him to be able to be uploaded to a PC like this (ignoring for the moment modern commercial hardware can’t possibly support the resources necessary to maintain human-level sapience and ESPECIALLY not in 2003), but this is one of the freakiest fucking things I’ve seen from this comic. Mostly because at the time of writing we’re on comic 4000 and AI as a whole take an entirely different turn in the world of QC around that time, so… this is just kinda surreal to look at.

…We’ll get to AI in regards to QC’s universe later on when it becomes more relevant. Needless to say, it becomes one of the core “themes” of the comic as a whole.

The narrative reason for this turn of events is simple:

Pintsize is now in a new visually appealing model, capable of moving his joints around so he can do more than just stand around and talk!

…also one that has a horrifying government-level laser built into it! Believe it or not, this DOES become a relevant plot-point later and it’s not just for the sake of a gag. This is a great example of Jeph taking a tiny detail he may have originally written in as a joke and building off it to create conflict… although I’ll be getting more into that later on when it actually DOES become relevant.

Pintsize agrees to turn the laser off, and a few comics later Marten and Steve go to the bar to discuss their lives – specifically Marten’s love life.

Further showcasing of Marten’s passive nature and his straight-up lack of confidence.

Say goodbye to Sara everyone – for real this time, I’m fairly certain this is the very last time we ever see her. I could be mistaken, but I highly doubt it. Plus, while we don’t see it in detail we get enough information to gleam Steve as Marten’s exact opposite – charming without being overwhelming, confident without being cocky. Steve is just straight-up a cool dude, and it’s easy to see how he can easily get into relationships while Marten stays there floating along, too scared and/or passive to make the move that comes to Steve naturally.

Wait. Shit, I may have the hots for Steve. Abort, aboRT, ABOR-

I’m showing this in part to showcase the next point of conflict and also to draw attention to the new style Jeph is trying. He’ll do this throughout the run of QC, trying out brand-new styles to see what fits and what doesn’t. I’ll be including this in my comparison pictures at the very end of this post to give a clearer image of what changes and how he improves… although you can see even in this comic he’s struggling against old habits as Marten’s face in the final panel looks drastically different than in the rest, looking more akin to how he looked in older comics. That’s okay! Habits die hard, it’s worth applauding the fact that Jeph is trying. God knows I can’t draw to save my fucking life, so I’ll always support artists trying new things.

I’m mostly including this panel for two reasons: The fact that Faye’s stuck in the closet right now – if you don’t get why that’s funny, you will in about 3700 comics from now – and the way she’s talking. Do you notice something different about the “feel” of Faye’s dialogue? Keep an eye on it, I’ll try to include more panels of her talking from this point onward.

Anyway, Marten dismantles the previously established conflict by revealing he managed to get Faye’s prescription for her and got her a new pair of glasses.

Mark this as the second time Faye has actually displayed real physical aggression against Marten.

Again, depending on how much you know about AI in QC’s world from future comics this could either be a lot funnier or a hell of a lot less funny. Although… the subject of AI mortality would make for an EXTREMELY interesting plot point in more recent comics. Remind me to touch on that when we get further along.

Again: Pay attention to Faye’s dialogue in this comic, especially in that last panel. You’re noticing it, aren’t you? The fact that she sounds a little… different? Give me a little more time, I promise I’ll touch on it a little later.

Hey, guess what? It’s later!

Faye does not punch Marten whenever she says something nice about him. In fact, she has ever only assaulted Marten twice – both times for completely arbitrary reasons not related to her saying anything to or about Marten. Nor has Faye ever spoken completely without contractions, as you see she’s doing now. Later comics will go on to point out how odd it is that Faye only speaks with contractions when she’s drunk and dips into her southern accent… when we’ve seen in previous comics that she is capable of speaking with contractions and talking like a normal human being. This change has shifted the entire “feel” of every line of Faye’s dialogue, as she no longer “sounds” like the Faye we started the comic with.

These are both examples of a writing mistake that a lot of long-form regular updating writers make, be it fanfiction or daily comics – retcons. If you’re reading this, you most likely know what a retcon is. For the few of you that don’t, a retcon – short for retroactive continuity – is the practice of in later works of an ongoing series introducing a fact that changes what was previously established in previous works. This is most commonly seen in Superhero comics from Marvel and DC, but the kind of retcon I’m talking about is more common on smaller scale works, like fanfiction or unedited novels or ongoing RPs.

See, when the writer realizes they wanted to change up something, introduce a plot element that would require them to go back and change something previously to make it make sense and find that for whatever reason they can’t, they may go ahead and introduce the plot element anyway while assuring the reader that no, of course this element was always included. That’s what’s happening here – Jeph had an idea for a plot element he wants to include, realized he can’t exactly go back to older comics and change them considering it’s a regularly updated webcomic, and so decided to retcon these facts by introducing them like they’ve always been a part of things and assert their truth while continuing on.

Not that I can necessarily blame the man – in a situation like this, realizing there’s an important plot element that you want to work with but can’t due to you leaving it no room in what you’ve previously published, there’s not much else you can do besides either retconning things or accepting you can’t introduce that plot element and just move on. However, there are other ways you can work with this that abide by previously established continuity and lets you introduce a plot element you want to introduce. For example, Faye punching Marten: You could introduce it as something she feels more comfortable doing the longer she’s around him. Have more frequent comics of her following saying something nice up with a punch, let us see her actually assault him more, and draw a correlation between her getting more comfortable around him and her getting more physically aggressive – something Jeph does touch on later, so it is entirely possible to introduce this new dynamic without asserting things have happened that we clearly see haven’t happened.

…as for Faye not speaking in contractions however, that’s just stupid. It’s a gimmick for her character, plain and simple, without adding anything to her as a character. If you want something big to showcase she’s keeping herself restrained, just continue as you were, having her speak in a southern accent when she’s drunk. That works as a fun gag to attach to her character without seeming like a dumb gimmick. And I’m sorry to say… this whole “Faye doesn’t speak in contractions” thing? It’s a dumb gimmick.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that all off my chest, let’s introduce ourselves to the new main character of QC…

This is Dora, the owner of the Coffee Shop that Faye works at. She’s a cool cat and (seemingly) supremely chill. She’s introduced as another secondary character like Steve, but will swiftly become a mainstay character and join what will become a growing ensemble cast.

Also, potential conflict is seeded when it’s revealed she’s totally crushing on Marten.

And if you doubt Faye’s assessment, let’s hear it from the woman in question herself.

Also say hello to Dora’s cat. The cat has a name, I just can’t remember it for the life of me considering the little fella joins Sara on that island eventually. But yeah, Dora DEFINITELY has the hots for Marten, sewing another potential seed for conflict later on – Marten and Faye are certainly in the “will they or won’t they?” phase, and here sits Faye’s own boss with a clear, vested interest in Marten. Will she make a move and push Faye to take action? Time will tell.

Jeph enjoys trolling his audience, and Marten is suffering because of it.

Dora goes on to establish herself in the reader’s minds by having a clear, distinct personality that bounces off Faye’s beautifully. They banter so comfortably with one another it makes it so much fun to read, which goes on to make Dora a more appealing character to the reader. The more she talks, the more you want to see her because she’s such a genuinely charismatic individual… which can further serve to establish her as a very real conflict in the potential Marten and Faye relationship. After all, what’s a greater spanner in the works of this “will they or won’t they?” relationship than a character who will gladly say “Yeah, I will” that the audience likes enough that they are completely on-board with seeing go through?

The most dangerous thing to a romcom relationship is a third wheel that a good portion of the audience prefers over the teased relationship, and that creates good drama.

(Also Sara’s name is spelled wrong but eh it’s not like she’s around to complain anyway)

…that said, Dora goes on to assure Faye that she has no intention of swiping Marten off his feet away from her when it’s clear Faye’s interested in him. Then again… the more Faye insists she’s not interested in him, the more likely it may be that Dora believes her.

True story, I found this concept so funny that in a campaign I ran a few years ago, I actually had one of the players – who was supposed to be stuck as a worker in a dreary 9-to-5 job that he’d desperately want to escape to go onto adventure – be labeled as the Office Bitch. My only regret is that I didn’t print out a real business card for his player. That either would have gotten a laugh from the table or gotten me punched.

This here is Scott, Marten’s boss. He’s a cool dude, but for reasons that will become evident later on we don’t see very much of him. At first, I thought he was going to end up being the future husband of Marten’s father – and if you haven’t read through QC yourself that sentence will probably completely catch you flat-footed – but looking it up later I found that Marten marries a man named Maurice, not Scott. I only thought they were the same person because they’re both blonde and the art style changes so much later on anyone could look like anyone else.

Actually, fun fact: I started reading QC when 2512 was the most recent comic, so before she was introduced I thought Faye and Marigold were the same person because of how drastically the art style changed and I only recognized “curvy white girl with glasses and brown hair”.

Anyway, Scott’s pretty chill and… yeah. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. He’s a chill dude to work for, and that’s probably the only reason Marten hasn’t outright quit his job yet. The worst job in the world can be made tolerable with a good boss, and the best job in the world can be made unbearable with an awful boss.

Further evidence of the lack of contractions hurting the way Faye’s voice comes across than anything else. Seriously, is it just me or does this not sound like Faye? Like, at ALL? I’m open to being told I’m wrong, just… seriously.

Aaaand here we have Steve officially having broken up with Sara. Also, it’s a small thing but like I’ve said, I’ll give Jeph credit where it’s due – that visible wince on Marten’s face is the most expressive any of his characters have been thus far. Good work man, I’m happy to see you improving with your art!

After drinking together, Marten and Faye decide to go to an all-night diner for some drunken late-night pancakes when we get this bit of information from Faye:

That is Faye, if you can figure out which of the two Martens your fist will connect with. But yeah, the fact that Faye speaks in a southern drawl while intoxicated went from a joke to actual character – she’s legitimately from Georgia and that’s her natural way of speaking. Which may raise the question to the reader, why does she repress that voice so much? Don’t worry – they touch on it in later comics. For now though, another round of applause to Jeph for slowly and organically creating new information about his characters.

Faye is clearly not telling the whole story – the lack of eye contact being a key indicator of just that. Still, we’re getting a little bit more information on her, and the fact that she kept her wording vague leaves a lot to still explore in her future. Needless to say… it was a LOT more than just her mother being over-protective that led her to moving up north.

Marten’s just kind of accepted his lot in life by this point. Although when I was first reading through these I honestly thought this was going to be the headbutt-into-crotch moment.

Once again, if you haven’t read through QC yourself that sentence made zero sense to you. I’m kind of giggling at the thought of someone reading that and doing a double-take, actually.

Finally, we have the last comic of this batch, setting up a bit of conflict for our next batch…

Wuh-oh! Marten walked in on Faye changing! One really nice detail is that you can see the scar on Faye’s chest right there in the first panel, which means Jeph had a LOT of Faye’s backstory already planned out while he was drawing this stuff. Which just leaves me to wonder… how far back did he have this planned? When Faye first showed up in the third comic? When he had her start speaking in a southern accent while drunk? When he decided to have her stop speaking in contractions? I’d love to ask him, but I know for a fact he wouldn’t give me the time of day. Oh well, either way: He’s got shit planned out, shit that we won’t see until Comic 500 or so, and that’s always good for a long-form comic like this.

Like last time, let’s do some quick comparisons between the first comic of the batch, the comic where Jeph made a clear and active effort to change the art style, and the last comic of the batch:

It looks like Jeph found a happy medium between the style he was originally going for and the newer style he tried to incorporate, keeping the relative size and position of the characters’ facial features while rounding out everyone’s faces, making things much less angular than previously. The bodies are also beginning to get some real texture to them, looking closer to real human bodies than stick figures with a shirt.

Overall, what did I think about this batch of comics? Well aside from my complaints about Faye’s lack of using contractions and the sloppy way Jeph tried to incorporate that into the narrative, I thought it was better than the first batch! Marten and Faye are getting into a comfortable rhythm with each other, and we’re falling in-line with that rhythm ourselves. We just met a new character who’s going to be a mainstay of the series and in the few comics she’s shown up in, she’s made her presence stick with the reader. Even if I didn’t know how important Dora would become, I’d be saying I’m looking forward to seeing more of her.

You know what time it is now? That’s riiiiiight! Data compilation time!

Between comics 51-100, the following characters’ proportional “screen time” as it were are as follows:

Marten: 46/50 – 92%

Faye: 45/50 – 90%

Pintsize: 12/50 – 24%

Dora: 8/50 – 16%

Steve: 6/50 – 12%

Sara: 2/50 – 4%

Scott: 2/50 – 4%

Dora’s Cat: 1/50 – 2%

And the grand total of each character’s screentime, not including non-canon or guest comics, from most to least time shown:

Marten: 91/100 – 91%

Faye: 83/100 – 83%

Pintsize: 27/100 – 27%

Steve: 14/100 – 14%

Dora: 8/100 – 8%

Sara: 7/100 – 7%

Jim: 2/100 – 2%

Scott: 2/100 – 2%

Raven: 1/100 – 1%

Dora’s Cat: 1/100 – 1%

Yes, I’m counting Dora��s cat among the statistics. I’ll change the name when I learn what the critter’s name actually is. Also, I was reminded that when the Secret Bakery becomes a thing later on in the comic there will be another character named Jim, with this particular construction worker being called Jimbo instead. I’ll change the name properly when he’s called “Jimbo” proper in the comic, don’t worry. I’ll be doing my best to keep this list from getting confusing… it’s in as much my best interest as yours seeing as I want to keep track of everyone properly.

Tune in next week when we see the exciting conclusion of this spicy “Marten happening to walk in on Faye undressing” drama! And Dora flashing someone. See you then.

#Questionable Content #Analysis #Long-form analysis #Faye #Marten #Pintsize #Dora #Steve

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bastionkeeper · 6 years

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Plus One

A birthday gift for the wonderful @mykindofcontent who asked for a fake dating Taakitz fic, I had fun throwing some secret twin angst and future Taakitz fluff into here I hope it’s worthy of one of the most amazing people in the universe! Happy birthday!

Taako took a step back, admiring his handiwork. He dusted off his hands and grabbed the umbrastaff, lowering it to face the circle of raven's feathers.

The sun had set long ago, and there was a chill in the air but nothing the shawl draped across his shoulders couldn't handle. He was standing in the courtyard of a large party hall, just out of reach of the golden light pouring out of the windows.

A few slanted words from Taako's lips whispered into the night, stirring the wind, somehow leaving the feathers untouched.

A black and red energy surged within the circle, and a screaming form lurched out of another plane to fix Taako with furious red eyes.

“Who has dared summon me?” the reaper roared in a cockney accent.

“'Sup, love the enthusiasm, but shut up for a minute,” Taako said, grabbing Kravitz and pulling him out of the summoning circle.

“Wai- what?” Kravitz stumbled along behind the elf. “You again? From the crystal lab!”

“Nice to see you again,” Taako said with a wave. “Now be quiet.”

Taako looked Kravitz over with a critical eye and then pointed the umbrastaff at him. Kravitz summoned his scythe defensively, but it turned out to be unnecessary as the only thing Taako did was cast minor illusion on his clothes. Kravitz was now in a tuxedo, fit for a black tie event.

“What is this?” Kravitz asked.

“Okay so,” Taako began. “I need some help crashing this wedding.”

“Why are you...?” Kravitz trailed off with a sigh, rubbing his temples. “Why couldn't you just get one of those other death dodgers to help?”

“Because a job like this requires finesse, and those dingdongs couldn't finesse a jar of pickles.”

Kravitz took a moment to look at Taako, noticing that he too was well dressed. He was in a gold dress, his face was freckled with gold glitter, and he wore an impressive pair of heels.

“See, there's uh...there's a relic in this shindig, and I need some help getting in to grab it,” Taako said. He watched Kravitz's face, and his theory that the voidfish didn't affect the dead was proven right by the look of recognition on Kravitz's face.

“Something like that transformation magic the necromancer was using?” Kravitz asked.

“Precisely!” Taako clapped his hands together. “But just lil ol' Taako on his own is suspicious. Taako plus one though? No one wants to kick out the nice couple!”

“I'm your date?” Kravitz realized he was blushing. He'd be lying if he said he'd never noticed how attractive the elf was. Even for a bounty.

“My husband to be precise,” Taako said. “You in, bone daddy?”

Kravitz considered the possibilities. He could just refuse and go back to the astral plane to his room where a half-re-read book and a mug of tea were waiting, waste some time in between bounties...or he could accompany the gorgeous and volatile elf on a dangerous mission.

Kravitz sighed, wishing he had more sense than this.

As the double doors to the hall opened, Taako took Kravitz's arm, and the reaper tried hard to keep his composure. The pair entered, and Kravitz blinked in the sudden brightness.

It was hard to tell who was the bride and groom in this room, as everyone was dressed not just to the nines but maybe to the twelves. Some even went so far as to wear masquerade masks, or elaborate headdresses decked out in feathers. Suddenly Taako's dramatic makeup made sense.

“Hello! Welcome! Mother of the bride,” an aged half elf woman greeted them at the door with a smile. “Who might you be?”

“Magnus Highchurch, remember that name in case I do something to make you angry later,” Taako winked and kissed the woman's hand. Despite Taako's strange introduction the woman appeared quite charmed and tittered at the gestured. “This is my husband.”

“Lucas Highchurch, pleasure to be here, we go way back with the groom, and we think your daughter is going to make him very happy.” Kravitz shook the woman's hand, meanwhile Taako was gaping at Kravitz, shocked at how easily and willingly he was going along with the performance.

“Oh well, I do hope I see you fine gentleman around when I'm done greeting guests,” the woman said, her smile widening. “Please, enjoy yourselves! Tessa and Marc are sitting in the back with the rest of the family if you want to say hello!”

“Thank you, I hope we'll talk again later.” It was Kravitz who took Taako's arm this time, leading them away from the woman and striding with confidence into the party.

“Dude that was so dope.” Taako seemed to have pulled a fan out of nowhere, and was using it to cover his pleased giggling.

“I'm just trying to blend in,” Kravitz said.

“You won't do that easy looking like that,” Taako said, looking Kravitz up and down. The reaper stiffened.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“That you're a fine skeleton,” Taako winked. “Also you look super nervous.”

“I do not!” Kravitz huffed indignantly. “If anything my performance was more convincing than yours.”

“Wanna bet?” Taako pulled away from Kravitz and looked him in the eyes, smiling dangerously. “I remember your little gambling problem. What say we make this interesting?”

Kravitz felt that familiar itch he could never seem to scratch when it came to gambling, and tilted his head curiously. “What did you have in mind?”

“I say we lie outrageously, and the first one to get found out loses,” Taako suggested.

“Wouldn't that make it hard to find this magical item you're looking for?” Kravitz asked.

“I can just cast disguise self no worries, Taako's still got some spell slots left.” Taako closed his fan and used it to tap the umbrastaff that was hanging from his arm. “You in or not?”

“What does the winner get?” Kravitz asked, the red in his dark eyes surging. “Do I get to drag you back to the astral plane when I win?”

“I was thinking when I win, you give me your shoes.”

“What?” Kravitz laughed. “Why?”

“Nothing funnier than a sore loser with sore feet,” Taako said. “Now shake on it, bone-man.”

“Fine,” Kravitz sighed and shook Taako's hand. “Let's begin, Taako.”

They made the rounds, chatting with friends and family and gathering information about the party as they went. Kravitz told stories about how he was a conductor for the Goldcliff Symphony Orchestra, and how Taako was in the front row one night during their best performance and that was the night they fell in love.

Taako spun a tale about a paparazzi swarm that had been chasing him, until his bodyguard made them scram in a way so sexy he couldn't help but marry him.

The stories got more wild from there, but somehow no one doubted them. Everyone in the room wanted to talk to the most interesting couple of the night, and that certainly wasn't the newlyweds anymore.

Kravitz finished another story and excused himself to meet Taako by the bar. The elf offered him a paper plate with a couple finger foods on it.

“Try this one.”

Kravitz popped the food in his mouth and grimaced. “That's terrible.”

“I know right?” Taako shook his head, tutting. “What were they thinking. They got the texture all wrong, and the whole thing is basically salt.”

“I can still taste it,” Kravitz complained, sticking his tongue out.

“I have something that'll fix that.” Taako pulled a hand out from behind his back, revealing a rather expensive bottle of wine.

“Did you steal that?” Kravitz hissed, checking to see if the bartender was watching.

“He said we each get one free drink. I just like my drinks a bit bigger than others.” Taako winked. “Come on!”

Taako grabbed Kravitz's hand and pulled him away from the bar and towards a secluded table in the corner. He popped open the wine and took a swig straight from the bottle before handing it to Kravitz.

“Can't believe no one's called your bullshit yet.”

“Is it that hard to believe Mr. “The King of Neverwinter asked me to visit and I declined”?” Kravitz shot back.

“That part actually isn't a lie.” Taako winked.

“Come off it,” Kravitz snorted, taking a sip of wine. They sat in silence for a moment, watching the dancers sway drunkenly to upbeat music. Then Kravitz turned back to Taako.

“Why did you really bring me here?”

“I told you, needed backup.”

“Taako, there's no relic here.”

Taako's ears drooped slightly and he shrugged, not even ashamed to be caught in a lie. “I don't like crashing parties alone. It's more fun with another person.”

“You do this a lot then?” Kravitz asked.

“Only when I'm feeling lonely or want good booze or food,” Taako said. “Haven't done it much since....since...uh...I can't really remember, but not for a long time.”

Kravitz chuckled and Taako gave him a confused look.

“Your shoes, sir.” Kravitz held out a hand.

“What?”

“First one caught in a lie loses their shoes, remember?” Kravitz smirked. The realization dawned on Taako's face, and he smiled, then he started laughing. He clapped a hand to his forehead, and was laughing so hard he was crying a little.

“Oh shit!” he squealed. “You're fucking right, damn I really liked these ones.”

Taako put a leg up on Kravitz's lap and started the arduous process of removing the intricate heels. Kravitz tried very hard not to move.

“Here you go, asshole,” Taako snickered, handing over the shoes. “But you better give a homie a portal home so I don't have to walk with bare feet.”

“I wouldn't be that cruel,” Kravitz smirked, taking the heels.

When the portal opened up into Taako's room, Kravitz felt sad that the party was over. Some part of him had actually enjoyed being lied to and kidnapped for some strange wedding crashing. Some part of him had really enjoyed spending time with Taako.

“Well, this is me,” Taako said, stepping through the portal. “Thanks for the lift and...for...humoring me I guess.”

Kravitz was stunned to see that it was Taako blushing now, looking down at his feet sheepishly. The reaper smiled and gave Taako a deep bow.

“Well, anytime you want to win back your honor and your shoes...” Kravitz dangled the heels in front of Taako's face. “...give me a call.”

Then the portal was gone, and Taako and Kravitz were both left standing in their darkened rooms, hoping secretly that the reaper would get a chance to return the shoes.

#taakitz #taako #kravitz #taz #the adventure zone #blatantbalderdash #mykindofcontent

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

Text

so, lots to unpack here. first of all, to establish setting, I’m currently sitting in LAX (if that doesn’t mean anything to you, their airport in Los Angeles) waiting for my flight back to Chicago that is gonna take off at 1:10 am and arrive at 7:33 am (two hour time difference accounted for). So I figured now is probably the most logical time to make this post. Luckily I can control exactly when I’ll get tired enough to actually sleep because I’m dependent on xanax and melatonin now, isn’t that fun!! haha. so like, most of today was cool of course, and I’m gonna get there, but I feel like I should first establish that I feel profoundly sad right now, though I can’t tell if it’s from the big event and me seeing my friends being over and having going back to real life which now consists of FINALS, or from this nostalgia I keep having for a life I’ve never had, or if it’s because I was reading Captain Canary fan fiction on the flight here (from San Jose to LA) which now just makes me really fucking sad because all I can think is WE’LL NEVER HAVE THIS. and these posts are generally good at helping me unpack my feelings so I figured I’d write this while I have the time and internet connection (good for LAX for actually offering free internet, unlike the pretending heathens in Chicago). so. here we go. I had my alarm set for 9:15 but ended up waking up around 8:45 (because shared hotel room) and started getting ready. I was cosplaying today so I did my make up and then changed into my full white canary garb (which, omg, I forgot is SO uncomfortable), doing my best to make sure where Caity signed it back in March remained untouched. A little after ten we made our way to the convention center and pretty much immediately headed to Caity’s booth because where else are we gonna go? We continued to pretend to all be VIPs (victimless crime, really) and a guy who had rather elaborate Citizen Steel (or whatever the hell we decided was Nate’s superhero codename) cosplay on who was in Brandon’s line right next to us made eye contact with me and was like “hey captain!” which was amusing haha and we took a picture together when I finished with Caity. I don’t really remember exactly what was said at each conversation because we frequented her booth, but it was good, I was just sad when I saw the picture and I looked less than stellar. I had like, super been overheating trying to keep the big coat on (I like the cosplay a lot better with the coat) and trying to make sure my hair and make up don’t run from sweat because my head overheats really easily for some reason so I didn’t look totally awesome and you can actually see my stomach hanging out just a tiny bit between the top and pants in the picture and like, I wanted to vomit when I saw it and then had a bunch of super triggering and totally inappropriate thoughts about it for the rest of the day because my fucking mind can’t be like “hey maybe you should eat less junk food” it has to immediately be like “you should just stop eating again” because fuck being neurotypical am I rite? (I am fine, if you’re concerned right now, but thank you for your concern). We did something to take up some time (I don’t remember) then ended up going back to her because I was like okay I need better photos with my white canary stuff on so I did that and they came out much better. At some point after that I leached onto my friends VIP status and used it to cut the line at Justin Hartley’s table because fuck waiting in line, and I saw him and TOTALLY flipped out, I was like “I love Smallville so much but I started it late after the show ended and I liked it so much but I thought I was never going to get to meet you because it was over BUT NOW YOU’RE HERE AND I LOVE YOUR GREEN ARROW SO MUCH YOU’RE MY FAVORITE” that’s basically what I said lol, to his credit he took it well and was kind and gentlemanly, so that was nice. From there we got some food at some point (just the overpriced shit from the convention center, there was a really amusing exchange where my friend attempted to figure out if the hot dog on the menu came with a bun or not because apparently in the Philippines they come on a stick sometimes and the ladies serving were very taken aback) then I went to Italia Ricci’s booth, and if you don’t know who that is it’s because she’s not *really* an Arrowverse actor (she was silver banshee on a few episodes of Supergirl) but is actually Robbie Amell’s wife so they generally do a joint booth thing. I wanted to see her because she’s on Designated Survivor, which I really love haha and she was super sweet, I said I was a big 24 fan from back in the day (DS stars Kiefer Sutherland) and she was like “oh yeah I’ve never seen it, he’s always teasing me about it because he’s like you’re the only person who hasn’t seen it!!”) which was amusing haha and then I met Juliana Harkavy and got a selfie with her, and she was totally awesome as well and just a fantastic person. After that those of us who weren’t doing the photo ops got in line for the legends panel, which then happened at 2:45. I live tweeted pretty much the whole thing, so if you have specific questions feel free to check that out over on twitter @RachelEiley, but nothing terribly spoilerish was said, someone asked if they could have any person in the DC universe, either existing in the Arrowverse or not yet onto the waverider to fill Stein’s spot who would it be, and Caity was basically like “well I know who it is and I’m very happy about it so I’m not gonna say anything else” lol which has prompted a fair amount of speculation as to who that means. In the room it seemed like everyone was thinking she meant Nyssa, but it’s not very much info to speculate on so I guess we’ll have to see. the other amusing exchange was when someone asked if they weren’t an actor what job they’d have an Caity was like “astronaut” and Brandon was like “do you know math?” which is obviously funnier than one would normally observe it to be when you consider they were in 400 Days together, a movie where they both played astronauts (and were each other’s romantic interests). Caity responded that it was a “dream” question, so she could say whatever she wanted. When the panel was over around 3:30 we ran back to Caity’s table, but the queue was full and the staff guy was like “sorry we had to cut it off here” and wouldn’t let anyone else in but I was like haha no fuck that shit if we all stand here and be annoying we’ll get on the line which, unsurprisingly, worked very well and we actually got on the gold/platinum VIP line and were like one of the first people to actually see her lol so that was a good plan!! But we got a few group selfies in that look really awesome and got to say goodbye to her (which is when the exchange about me saying maybe I’ll do Clexacon if I don’t flunk all my finals and her responding with my law school class rank happened). Everyone else was pretty much shutting things down at that point, so we hung out for a little bit and regrouped before heading out. We went to In-N-Out because I had mentioned I’d never had it before, and the place was absurdly busy, so we ended up eating at the tables outside despite it being like 50 degrees out, but it was nice and fun, a good ending to being with my friends for a few days and just had a good time with them. We were basically across the street from the airport at that point so I was dropped off afterwards and we said our goodbyes. I ended up chilling out at the gate for a while doing quimbee videos, which I’ll probably go back to if I have any time between finishing writing this and boarding the plane, for a while and doing that, then got on the plane and finished the first sudoku puzzle really quickly, then fucking up the next one so badly I couldn’t even correct my way out of it (which like, never happens) that I just gave up and read Captain Canary fan fiction for the rest of the flight, which of course got me feeling very invested in the ship, and then I just felt sad and couldn’t quite figure out why. But the plane landed, got off on the gate and was directed to a little bus thing to get to another terminal, in which a cute pilot gave me his seat, and then I went to the other terminal, found the gate, found a airplane pillow that wasn’t entirely made out of polyester, and planted myself at the gate until the plan boards and resolved to write this in the mean time, and here we are. Now, further analysis on the sad thing- so, obviously, I’ve been looking forward to this weekend for a while now and it being over and me having to leave my friends and of course not seeing my favorite celebrity for at least a few months would reasonably make any person feeling sad, I feel like it’s not that simple. I mean, the fact that I’m going back to finals certainly doesn’t help, and I do have some anxiety about that despite doing this exact schtick every semester with my head going “but what if this time you actually suck at tests not like all the last times????” which of course is always fun. but there’s also that whole nostalgia thing that’s got me itching for something. It came out of course because of being around actors who are living cool lives and such, and links back to that thing I was talking about but not actually mentioning a little while back that had be thinking some of those things, and mostly just imagining that kind of life for myself and feeling wholly unfulfilled with the life I’ve chosen at being a lawyer and it wasn’t supposed to happen this way, dammit!!! I can’t exactly graduate law school and decide to go road trip out to Hollywood and become a waitress while auditioning, that would be a massive waste of time, effort, and money, and there is still of course stuff I want to do as a lawyer that has me not wanting to give up. I just want both, which I don’t think is possible, and that fucking sucks. The thing, anyway, was auditioning for a new show in development (that I’ll leave unnamed for now because despite not hearing anything they haven’t filled the part yet) that was taking casting videos and self-tapes through one of the casting sites I made a profile on at some point during college and was receiving emails from about it. And, this is subjective of course, but I felt like I really nailed the audition (and even if I did there’s no reason to think that would make it likely that I would get what is undoubtedly going to be a highly competed for part and one of which I do not fit the typical character description for), and I couldn’t help but imagine how much fun it would be, even if some of the stuff about the show that’s being said now (mainly how dark it is) makes me think it probably wouldn’t be the best idea anyway (my parents, for sure, would have a freaking fit over it). But that just leaves me here- going back to law school to finish my finals and leaving my friends and favorite actors behind and I just feel profoundly SAD over it all despite having a really fun and all around amazing weekend (it doesn’t help that my friends are going to continue hanging out, but this doesn’t really feel like FOMO). idk what else there is to write about that. it just...is. and I don’t think any amount of writing about that will change it. so I guess I’ll go back to reading my sad fan fiction? I don’t quite feel like going back to studying for bus orgs being that it’s 12:30 am (here, anyway, at home where I’ll be in 5 hours it’s 2:30 am) and now I just feel tired and sad after writing all of that. blah. this is a really shitty feeling and I don’t know what to do about it. there’s no quick fixes for this, obviously. maybe if I fall asleep on the plane (I probably will at some point) I’ll wake up in a better mood, and hopefully can get some more sleep during the day before I have to go to my review session and then make up class at 4 pm. So I guess this is me signing off, though feeling not very happy about all of it. Goodnight babes. Happy Monday.

#daily journal #December 2017

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hirstories · 6 years

Text

Abraca—switch! Or The Tale of Edward Elric vs. the Mischievous Body-Snatcher

Chapter 9

“Fuck!” Edward spat after Alphonse put him on the bed. “Why would—” he stopped, his feline eyes narrowed in utter contempt. “FUCK!” he spat again.

Paninya raised an eyebrow. “Wow...” she couldn’t help but comment. Shifting her attention from the cat to Alphonse, she added, “You need to slow down on the catnip, Al. The poor thing is going bonkers.”

Mei laughed nervously; Paninya raised her other eyebrow.

Alphonse stared at them for a brief moment then turned to engage in conversation with his older brother. “I don't get it neither, Ed,” he said, picking up where Edward left off. “He threw himself in harm’s way to save Winry.”

Edward looked at Paninya. “You really want to talk about this in front of her?” he said as he returned his attention back to his brother.

Alphonse shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I want to, but time’s ticking, Ed.”

Edward took a moment to consider his brother’s words; “Plan B” definitely needed to be reassessed. “I guess we only have this small window of time to alter our plan,” he conceded.

Alphonse shook his head. “Unfortunately.”

Edward’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I just don't get it,” he said, going back to the previous topic. “That bastard told us he was going to hurt Winry if we exposed his true identity to her or to others, but he literally jumped in to save her.”

“Sounds like something you would do,” Alphonse said with a knowing smile.

Edward chuckled, “That’s true.” His thoughts trailed off. He'd been experiencing this “cell memory” effect himself ever since he got stuck inside Domingo’s body, but something told him that Don Paco had acted on his own accord. “We have to move fast,” Edward said, returning to the moment. “I don't think Don Paco will be able to keep his act up for long. I’m worried about what he'll do to Winry the moment she starts asking him questions—because she will start asking him questions.”

“I know what you mean, Brother. It was hard enough to convince her it was my idea to keep his alchemy hidden from her.”

Edward grimaced. “Sorry about that.”

Alphonse smiled. “I'm just relieved that nothing bad happened to your body.”

“The leg got damaged, though,” Edward groused.

“True, but Winry said it wasn't anything major,” Alphonse mentioned. Almost immediately, his expression turned serious. “Don Paco will be back on his feet in no time—no pun intended,” he said, quoting Winry’s words after she examined the broken automail back at Atelier Garfiel.

“Excuse me Al, but are you actually having a conversation with the cat?” Paninya interrupted.

Alphonse turned to her. He glanced at Mei before saying, “What if I was?” He was quiet for a moment. Finally, he said, “How does that make you feel?”

Paninya blinked like an owl. She looked at everyone in the room before returning her attention to Alphonse. “To each their own?” she answered, laughing nervously. Her eyes slid to Edward. “But this cat does seem to understand everything you say.”

Mei held Paninya by the hand. “Why don't you sit down?” she said as she guided her to the nearest chair.

Paninya sat down, looking nonplussed.

Mei joined Alphonse’s side and waited for him to continue. Alphonse locked eyes with Mei for a brief second before returning his attention to the expectant girl.

“Paninya,” he began, pausing a moment to gather his thoughts. “You're correct. This cat understands me. He also understands you, Mei, and pretty much anyone else in Amestris. Not only can the cat understand people, he can talk too.” He glanced at Edward before continuing. “You see, this cat here is actually my brother Edward.”

Paninya sat on her chair with eyes unblinking, staring at the wall across from her in the small hotel room she got for the Elric’s a few hours before their arrival to Rush Valley.

An hour ago, this hadn’t been the case. She’d been holding her sides laughing—and who wouldn’t? Alphonse Elric dared to say, with a straight face, that the cat he brought with him from Resembool was in actuality his older brother Edward. The tale was comedy gold!

Things got even funnier when both Alphonse and Mei tried to explain how Edward got shoved into the body of a cat. Being playful by nature, she started asking them questions just to see what kind of fib they would come up next—because that’s what their story was: a fib. But her initial amusement quickly died down. What had been funny at first was starting to become worrisome. Alphonse and Mei said her best friend was in trouble. She got upset at them when they couldn’t fully explain what kind of trouble she was in. They tried talking about, they even tried explaining themselves through writing, but gibberish and silly doodles didn’t make for a convincing story. There was one thing she found intriguing, though, and it was Ed the Cat. The way his tail moved while she, Alphonse and Mei talked, told her he was consciously following the conversation. She also noticed that his tail had gone from wagging to stiff and puffed. Ed the Cat looked frustrated, and that didn’t make much sense.

Then things turned downright freaky when the cat took over for Alphonse and Mei. Paninya couldn’t help the scream that ripped out of her when Ed the Cat clapped his forefeet together and transmuted the mattress he was sitting on. And she couldn’t help but let out a string of expletives once Alphonse started admonishing the cat for what he’d done.

What the cat did make a believer out of her. “How?” Paninya had to ask the obvious question.

”Necessity is the mother of all invention.” Dominic used to say, and that’s exactly what happened when the Ed the Cat started meowing to Alphonse.

“You want me to write the alphabet on the floor?” Alphonse sputtered what Ed the Cat had meowed. He also offered the group his opinion on the matter. “I don't think pointing to letters will work either,” he said.

Paninya didn’t need a translator to understand Ed the Cat’s response, nor she had to wait to find out what the cat wanted to do with the alphabet. Ed the Cat jumped out of the bed and sauntered his way to the letters. He meowed something to his brother, which Alphonse repeated out loud.

“Tell Paninya to follow my lead and spell out the words I’m going to form by stepping on the letters,” Alphonse said.

Little-by-little, Ed the Cat told the story Alphonse and Mei couldn't thanks to the curse Don Paco placed them in.

Paninya’s thoughts returned to the present moment. She looked to her left, where Alphonse and Edward were located, and said, “Edward, man...” She shook her head, then, after snorting sarcastically, she added, ”You really are something else.”

Edward drew back his lips and hissed at her. If Winry wasn’t in such dire predicament, Paninya would've taken her sweet time ripping on the older Elric.

“Winry told me she wasn't going to take long helping—” Paninya stopped abruptly, she didn’t what how to call that man.

“Shit-head,” Edward contributed.

“Don Paco,” Alphonse translated.

Paninya grinned at the brothers. “I think I’m going to call him ‘Ed the Man’ since you’re ‘Ed the Cat’,” she said as she pointed at Edward.

Mei giggled; somehow Alphonse managed to hold back his chuckles; and, Edward hissed at all of them.

Paninya stood up. “Let’s go! There’s a damsel in distress waiting for us at Atelier Garfiel.” She started for the door but stopped. Turning around, she mentioned, “Let me do the talking.” Then, fixing her gaze on Edward, she added, “Kitties don’t use alchemy, capeesh?”

Her expression suddenly turned distant as if recalling something utterly frightening. “It’s never a good thing to scare Mr. Garfiel,” she warned as she returned to the present moment.

Paninya entered Atelier Garfiel first. Mei followed closely behind. Alphonse entered last, along with Edward, who was resting on his right arm.

The front of the store was unattended, making everyone in the group instantly worry. Had Don Paco made his move while they were conspiring back in the hotel room?

“Yo, Garfiel!” Paninya called, but no one answered. A second later, she hollered, “There’s handsome young man out here desperately seeking for a strong automail engineer to give him a good tune-up!”

Mr. Garfiel suddenly appeared from behind the beaded curtain separating the front of his store from the workshop in the back. While clasping a dirty rag in his hands, he looked about the room trying to find the young man Paninya mentioned. Besides Paninya, only Alphonse, his cat, and the Xinguese girl occupied the space in his store. “Not cool, Pan!” Mr. Garfiel snapped as he turned a glare on her. “And I heard you the first time,” he added while he finished wiping his hands with the rag. After letting out an annoyed huff, he turned his attention to everyone. “I hope you found the hotel cozy—not that you had a lot of places to choose from.”

“How’s my brother doing?” Alphonse asked.

Mr. Garfiel tucked the rag inside one of his pants back pockets. Then, after placing a strong paw on each hip, he said, “Ed’s leg wasn't as damaged as we originally thought.”

Alphonse squished Edward against his chest, preventing his movement.

“It was a quick fix, really. Winry finished working on him a while ago,” Mr. Garfiel elaborated.

Paninya stepped into his personal space. “Why didn't you call us?” she demanded, staring up at him.

Mr. Garfiel’s neatly-trimmed eyebrows dipped into a frown. “Because Dominic called. He wanted to see if Winry could stop by his place right away.”

“Did Dominic say what he needed Winry for?” Alphonse intruded.

Edward looked up. His brother had used a measured voice, which only happened when he was really nervous.

Mr. Garfiel shook his head. “No idea, hon.”

Mei pressed him, “Is Edward with her?”

Mr. Garfiel smiled. “He's resting in the backroom. The repair took a toll on him.” He paused to suppress a chuckle. “I've never seen anyone cry the way he did.”

They all looked at each other. This was the perfect opportunity to tell the master automail engineer what was happening.

Alphonse gave Paninya one nod, the signal they all agreed upon to put “Plan C” into action.

“Mr. Garfiel,” Paninya began, only stopping momentarily to clear her throat. “There’s something you need to know.”

Mr. Garfiel’s expression went from amused to neutral as he stared into the girl’s big round eyes. He lowered his buffed arms to each side and curled his hardened hands into tight fists. After a brief silence, he said, “Does this ‘something’ has to do with our dear Win?”

“I'm afraid it is,” Paninya replied.

“¡Ay, que muchachita más dramática!”

Everyone followed the voice to the backroom. The impostor just pushed through the bead curtain. His eyes roamed the front room, briefly resting on each and everyone presently occupying the small area. A malicious smile spread across his face. “You Amestrians are so melodramatic,” he joked.

“Says the man that wails like a baby,” Edward countered.

“I know!” Don Paco guffawed. “According to your girly, I sound like a real wuss.” He sauntered towards Mr. Garfiel. Placing a firm hand on the man’s shoulder, he added, “Isn’t that right?”

Mr. Garfiel shook his head. “I’m afraid is true. Winry is turning out to be such a naughty girl.”

“There-there,” Don Paco said while giving the hulking man soft pats. He peeled his eyes momentarily from Mr. Garfiel to offer everyone a condescending look. “Where does this Dominic fella lives?” He asked as he returned his attention back to the engineer.

“He lives on the outskirts of town. Head east from here, and use the bridge to cross the canyon.”

Don Paco gave Mr. Garfiel a gentle squeeze on his shoulder. “Thank you, my good man,” he said before starting for the door.

“I would take a horse if I were you, sir.” Mr. Garfiel added.

“What do you think you're doing! He’s not who you think he is!” Paninya shrieked.

Edward’s eyes flitted from Don Paco to Mr. Garfiel and back to Don Paco. The bastard was smirking. “He did something to him!” Edward warned.

Mr. Garfiel connected a solid hook to Paninya’s face before anyone had a chance to react. The girl fell to the floor with a loud thud.

“Paninya!” Alphonse cried out.

“Al, let me down!” Edward yelled. Alphonse let go of him; and he landed swiftly on the floor.

Mei tried to rush to Paninya’s side but Mr. Garfiel got in her way. He threw a left jab at her missing the right side of her face by a hair. Mei sidestepped the man then jump back, keeping herself out of reach.

“Mei are you okay?” Alphonse asked.

“I'm fine,” she answered. Mei returned her attention to her contender. Not a single hair was out of place in Mr. Garfiel’s perfectly-styled locks. “This guy knows how to fight,” she said as the man moved around the place like a boxer after the bell rings.

Alphonse turned to the impostor. “What did you do to him?” he roared.

“Did you think I didn't notice your scheming?” Don Paco was quick to reply. He looked at Mr. Garfiel. “I just got myself some insurance.”

“You cursed him?” Edward accused.

“Charmed him,” Don Paco answered with a sleazy grin. “One kiss on the lips was all I needed for that man to fall under my spell.”

“You what!” Edward shrieked. To his utter mortification, the impostor began laughing.

“Looks like Tough Guy here has hots for you, cano!” He hollered.

“Shut your trap already!” Alphonse cut him off.

Don Paco turned to him. Alphonse clapped his hands together, readying himself to transmute.

“By all means, baby brother, use your alchemy,” Don Paco goaded.

Alphonse simply grinned. He placed his hands on an automail hand that was mounted on the display wall. The metallic hand reshaped into two double-edged daggers held together by a strange-looking hilt. “Here!” Alphonse said as he slid the weapon across the floor to where Edward stood.

“Thanks, Al!” Edward replied before biting down on the hilt.

Don Paco blinked a few times before a loud cackle ripped through his mouth. “So the cute little kitty is the one who’s going to fight me.”

“Damn right!” Edward said while clenching down on the hilt. He lunged himself at the impostor without warning, only managing to slice through the fabric of his pants.

“Are you out of your fucking mind!” Don Paco screeched. “You're going to wound your own body, pendejo!”

“What's one more scar?” Edward answered. He abstained from saying anything else, his grip on the weapon was weakening faster than he’d expected.

“You're crazy!” Don Paco cried, his eyes darting in all directions, looking for a way to escape. He found an opening and made a mad dash to the front door. As he ran, he heard more clapping. Blue sparks rushed past him, heading straight for the door, then the wood under his feet began creaking.

Edward expected Don Paco to crash into the giant wooden hand he just transmuted to cover his only exit, but the bastard managed to stop in his tracks.

“What the hell is this?” Don Paco shrieked. He spun around in a flash. Tiny sparks, remnants of the alchemical transmutation, still danced around Edward’s forefeet. Don Paco’s breath hitched, and his eyes rounded in disbelief.

“You know, Brother has been waiting for this moment for quite some time now,” Alphonse said, then paused.

Edward understood why his brother stopped, Alphonse was savoring the small victory, with every bit of enthusiasm like he was.

Finally, Alphonse said, “I feel sorry for you, sorcerer, because, even if you had wanted to, there was no real way you could’ve known the kind of person you’ve decided to mess with.”

#fmabb17 #fma #fmab #story update #reblog please #fmachallenges #dzioo is an amazing artist #second illustration #dzioo

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