#hmm I do wanna be able to find this later. kinda regretting not making a general naruto tag now.

[izumaki-naruto]

chapter 90

That's a pretty useful description of how chakra works, and not really one I see portrayed? Though tbf that could also just be the series retconning it.

But from Ebisu's explanation it looks like what Sakura's really outstanding at is building chakra (that is, mixing her spiritual and physical energies together in the right amount), since Sasuke and Naruto are inferior to her in that regard. Her chakra control (putting the correct amount of chakra into a jutsu) is perfect too, but so is Sasuke's, so that's not unique. Also, Naruto's issue is putting too little chakra into his jutsus, not too much, and what he has in abundance is stamina, not chakra, so he'd also be freakishly energetic at taijutsu.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Smile For Me, Sweetcheeks ~ Ghostface x Fem!Reader

I've thought of this for a while, and it's gonna be

F U N

---

Y/N opened her eyes groggily, finding herself on the grassy ground - As she lifted her head to scan her surroundings, she realised she was in some strange, dark place that resembled some weird park with tall trees, yet had random small buildings here and there...It almost seemed like a place to play hide and seek, was her first thought.

Next to her, 3 other people were getting up, looking extremely frightened, as they bolted the hell out of that spot, going in different directions.

But Y/N didn't, and instead, she walked around aimlessly, until she spotted someone dressed in all black, with a weird ghost-like mask, peeking from behind an old car, almost timidly, only to see him wave at her.

Grinning at him, thinking she finally met someone friendly around this place, she extended her arm up in the sky, waving excitedly, which made the man make his way to her.

"Hi! I'm Y/N! It's great finally seeing someone nice around here. The 3 other guys just yelled in my face and ran away. How rude, right?!" she sighed, crossing her arms with a pout, before going back to her friendly smile, extending her hand to shake his. "Woaw, those guys are jerks. Call me Ghostface, darling." he said in an amused, yet somehow hoarse voice. "Uhhh, Ghostface, how cool! You must be a horror movie fan, then? So am I! ...Hmm...Actually, do you have any idea how we got here? I think I need some lecithin, my memory is failing me." she scratched the back of her head sheepishly, only for him to chuckle. "Welp, there's 4 survivors and a killer. All you gotta do is either repair 5 generators and find the exit...Or find the hatch and escape. Basically, don't die, I guess. Fun, huh?" the guy explained, putting his arm around her shoulder, guiding her to who knows where. "...What the hell is this, the Hunger Games?" she looked up at him with a weird look on her face. "Haha, that would be fun! Alas, nothing like that. Ah, look at this, a gen! Here I'll show you how to repair it. You have to tinker with these parts, and then merge these together...You get the cables in the respective coloured sockets...Et voila! Haha, look at it! Fireworks! What a reward!" Ghostface clapped and cheered at the fireworks the generator made, laughing at the startled look on the girl's face, as she clearly didn't expect something like that to happen. "Uh...Honestly, this is insane. Can't we just, like...Go home? I don't think I'm up for dying, even if someone paid me to go through with this silly game." she sighed, crouching down to the next generator, awkwardly trying to repair it, but she was much slower and clumsier compared to him, and it even exploded in her face, making her yelp and fall down. "Dude! Not cool! This gen is working against me!" "Shoulda seen the face you made, toots! Haha, so funny! You're very entertaining, girl. Here, lemme help ya out." he said as he got on the other side of the of the gen and helped repaired it. "You're a real pro at this, man. Have you been playing this for long? Did they at least give you a worthy amount of money for the trouble you're going through? I mean, I'm sure you won very often...Or maybe you're like...The tutorial teacher or something? Is that why you look eccentric compared to those lame-os?" she was asking so many question, but boy, was she so off that it amused the killer so much! He now perfectly understood the wolf who dressed as a sheep, it was too much fun! She was so blindingly trusting, he could mess with her, and more, with the survivors at his heart's content! "Yeah, I win quite often, but they don't pay me! The guy is kinda blackmailing us to play his game, but it's fun when you get used to it." he explained, only to have two other survivors go past them - Her and Ghostface waved at them merrily, but they just shrieked and ran the hell away from there. "...Do I look that scary?" she muttered, looking at the man next to her with a confused expression. "Nahhh, you're a cutiepie. Those guys are just jerks." he petted her hair, beginning to walk again, only to find some really nasty, rusty hooks. "U-Uhm...Gh-Ghostface...? What are these for...?" she stuttered, frowning as she clinged on his arm instinctively. "I think you already know, toots. Careful with those, killers LOVE to impale their victims on these things. It's like a sacrifice for the big guy who's keeping us here." he chuckled as he watched the girl tremble like a little lamb seeing the knife approaching her neck. "...Can we go away from here, please? M-Maybe we can look for the...Uhm...Hatch, you called it?" she muttered, pulling him away from there. "Yeah. It's like a trap in the ground that leads to safety. It only appears when there's only 2 gens left. Felt that shockwave? It meant that the Hatch just appeared. Ah, sorry baby-cakes, I gotta run, but I'll see you around before the match ends, okay?" he was grinning under his mask, knowing that he has to kill the other 3 to make sure the Entity doesn't punish

either of them for some annoying reason...And oh, the shock and horror on her face will be fun~. "N-No...! Please don't go! This place is huge and scary, I'll get lost without you! And who knows what would happen if the Killer finds me? I don't wanna end up...Th-There...!" awww, that cute, little, frightened pout on her face, how lovely~! If only she knew... "Don't worry, cutie, is'yo' first game, the Killer ain't gonna mess with ya, I promise. And if he does, Imma make sure he regrets it. I'm sort of a boss here, you see." he put cupped both his gloved hands on her face, pinching them a bit too hard, just to hear her yelp one more time - And clearly, she didn't disappoint, as her eyes even watered a tiny bit. What a cute little lamb... "...If you're sure, then...Okay. I trust you." she muttered, turning away as she started walking away, only for her to look back at him and yell "Make sure you stay safe too, okay?! We have to escape this place together!" He raised his arm and waved dismissively, barely able to keep himself from laughing, as he started running and stalking the annoying survivors who actually thought they'd have such an easy game!

No, no, clearly not with him!

First, he slashed one of the survivors and put him on a hook, then mori'ed another and took a really cool selfie with their bloody face, and the last one he just messed around with, before repeatedly stabbing his back and throwing him in a corner, just where the Hatch was.

Those idiots thought they could escape him.

Think again.

He wasn't that idiot 'Legion', or that lame ass Amanda. Four lame thugs who can't do a simple job properly, or Jigsaw's useless lackey. Keh.

And at least he was fun, unlike Boring Michael! I mean, look at this masterpiece he made, it's a perfect piece of art! He even wrote Y/N's name on the wall in front of the hatch, so she could see and appreciate his work!

A loud noise that resounded through the place made him realise that, as he was having his fun playing with the obsolete Survivors, his cute little Y/N had her fun repairing generators, meaning that the exits could be activated, if he wasn't careful.

He had to find her quick.

Not that it was difficult for the Master of Stalking, especially since she was so clueless that she didn't even crouch to hide, or at least try to hide in lockers.

There she was...! Look at her, watching everything like a frightened meerkat! Aww, how he wanted to boop that cute nose of hers~! Maybe he could even let some blood paint her nose, and make fun of her, calling her Rudolph!

Ahh, Ghostface, you're so funny!

Yeah, Ghostface, I KNOW, right?!

"Yo, Y/N, over here! I found the hatch! Come on!" he waved his arms up in the air, yelling for her, and the look of sparkling glee on her face as soon as she saw him...Wasn't she such an adorable dummy~? "Ghostface, you're okay! I got so worried when I didn't see you in so long! I heard screams, and I thought something happened to you! I got so scared that I ran away and tried to do the last generators...And then a loud noise almost deafened me, and I had no idea what to do." she gesticulated rapidly, making him chuckle in amusement. Of course, he was worried for nothing. She wouldn't realise what she'd have to do, even if it bit her leg. Hmm, actually...~ "Nahhhh, I'm cool, haven't see the killer. Here, take the key, it will unlock the hatch. Less'goooo~!" he put his arm around her shoulder, guiding her casually where the hatch was, making sure she didn't see his work of art yet. "Oh, so this is the Hatch, huh? It looks scary. Are you sure this isn't some ladder that leads straight to hell or something? It looks...Shady." she muttered, looking at the dark abyss down below. "Don't worry, chickadee, ain't that long of a ride down. It's like a bunker filled with survivors, you'll be okay. They'll tell you what to do from then on. If you're scared, take this flashlight. See? You can see the bottom of the ladder. You'll be okay." he chuckled, weaving the flashlight around. "Wait...You're not coming down with me?" she gasped, her eyes carefully searching for the truth in his...Covered face. "I'd go down on you any day, sugar, but maybe next time we get to play around." he laughed crudely watching her frowning, flustering face. "H-Hey, don't be a jerk! I'm just worried about you!" she muttered, looking away, hoping her hair would cover her blushing face. "Hahaha, you're so fun to tease, Y/N. Only one person can go through the hatch. But s'all cool, I just gotta open up the door, since you did a great job with the gens. We'll see each other later, I can promise you that. Can't get rid of me that easily." he sniggered under his mask, waiting in anticipation until the girl realises his true nature. "Mhh...Alright...If you're so sure..." she muttered, shakily stepping down a few steps, only to be stopped by the man who took out a camera. "Wanna take a selfie before we finish this? Y'know, your first game, and a victory nonetheless...Come on, Smile for me, Sweetcheeks~!" he got on his knees, raising his mask a bit, before gluing himself to her body, one of his arms extending with the camera, while with the other he grabbed her face, kissing her cheek, making sure he guides her eyesight to his masterpiece, and as soon as he heard her gasp, he took the photo.

It was worth more than all the money in the world.

"Y-You...? You were the killer...?!" awww, look at her tremble! Her eyes were glistering with tears, and her plump, rosy bottom lip was quivering in betrayal. "You're too cute for this world, Y/N." he harshly put his mask down, before showing the girl the selfie he took as he mori'ed one of the survivors, and waved her goodbye with his knife, as she quickly descended down the ladder, soft whimpers echoing through the place.

"Till we see each other again, sweet cheeks~." the Killer rose to his feet, slamming down the hatch with his boot and wiping the blood from his knife with his latex glove, before laughing loudly at the endearing experience he just had.

If THAT was the reaction she had when seeing his little gift for her, imagine her cute faces when he'd actually go down on her, as he promised~.

[spencers-dria]

Hi could you do Spencer Reid x reader spencer accidentally says something mean about reader and they hear but later spencer shows reader how much he loves them. Or same thing but there in an argument and spencer yells something like “ can you once shut up for once. But at the end he shows reader he loves them. Please and thank you and sorry this is so long.

Ps love love your work. ❤️❤️

🎉150 follower celebration Day 1!

Okay so this is my first Request I received for my 150th follower celebration from...coincidentally, my 150th follower! Thanks so much for this request. I hope I did it justice. I liked writing a little sassy Spencer!

Particularly Loquacious

Spencer x Reader

Angst and Fluff

Spencer had a habit of talking, a lot. Not just like any chatty person, but like someone who really didn’t know when to stop talking. He had been called out on this so many times it sort of fell on deaf ears after a while. He learned to tune it out and go about his business as normal. What he wasn’t used to was someone rivaling his ability to take over the conversation. He didn’t even realize what it was like for everyone else, until they came along.

They loved to talk to everyone and anyone. The problem for him was, people seemed to enjoy their company, their chatting. It usually ended up on topics he had little to no input on, and he really wasn’t used to this. Intentionally or not, Spencer had a habit for being able to steer the conversation into familiar territory. He genuinely enjoyed sharing his facts and knowledge with his friends, his teammates. But not them.

They liked to talk about the latest pop music or new movies, what was going on with celebrities, and other things that Spencer knew absolutely nothing of. He was quite used to people speaking on issues of which he had no interest, but he also didn’t mind being left out in those instances. But not with them.

Spencer wanted so very badly to join in and talk with them, to get to know them better. They seemed so very different from him in every way. He grew increasingly frustrated with himself, with his lack of social skills and pop culture knowledge. He tried his best, he really did. Magazines, trash tv, he made it minutes before giving up on any of his quests to impress them. It was this very frustration that was growing in him as he listened in on a conversation about some reality TV show he had heard them mention many times before.

They were sitting in a breakroom at the police station near the latest case. He watched as they snacked on their lunch while continuing their conversation with Derek and Emily.

“Well who do you think should have gone home?” Emily asked.

“Not her. Literally anyone but her! I mean, I figured surely she’d make it to the top three! But this is what happens when you let people vote instead of trusting the judges like every other season.”

“Will you shut up already!?”

Spencer regretted it the moment it left his mouth, even before Derek and Emily turned to look at him with shock and a bit of anger. But not them.

They looked at him with hurt as tears filled their eyes to the brim.

A quick “I’m sorry” being whispered before they rushed out of the room, wiping their cheeks as they went. Spencer couldn’t remember the last time he felt like such a jerk. He doesn’t yell at people, hardly ever. With that said there’s a great many people he feels deserved it, though he’s held back. But not them.

They did nothing wrong. The dam holding back months of frustration just happened to break right in front of them. The only reason it ever existed was because of his desire to know them more. And now he had probably ruined any chance of that ever happening.

Spencer searched until he found them tucked away in a back hallway, sitting on the ground, crying silently into their knees. He wanted to hug them, tell them how much he cares, but he holds back. He’s probably the last person they want touching them. He slides down to sit next to them, staring ahead at the wall as he finds the courage to speak.

“I’m so sorry- that wasn’t- I shouldn’t have yelled. It wasn’t about you well- actually it was but it's not what you think. I actually really love how much you talk I- I know it doesn’t seem like it. You probably think that I am the world’s biggest jackass, which would be an astute and accurate assessment. And I completely understand if you don’t want to give me any of your time but I just-”

He’s cut short, just before spiraling into a storm of anxiety and self-deprecation, but the light touch of their hand over his. He looks up to see them looking at him not with hatred, annoyance, or even hurt, but with kindness and understanding. His heart swells at the feeling of their touch for the very first time.

“Slow down, Spence. It’s okay. Take a few deep breaths, then tell me what you’re thinking.”

Spencer closes his eyes, following their instructions as he feels his rapid heart rate slow to a steady beat. When he opens his eyes, they are waiting patiently.

“I just- I uh care about you- a lot. I never know how to talk to you or what to talk to you about. I don’t know about any of that stuff you talk about with the rest of the team. I’m not up to date on the latest trends and topics in popular culture. And I know you could give a rat’s ass that Koala’s have the same fingerprints as humans or how many constellations are in the night sky. But that’s all I have to offer so I got- I got frustrated. With myself, not with you, please understand that. You did nothing wrong. I love listening to you speak your voice it’s- well it’s kinda calming ironically, considering my outburst.”

Spencer lets out a small snicker at the irony as he catches his breath, looking over to gauge their reaction.

For a moment they look as though they are lost in thought before a smile spreads over their lips, just before a small giggle escapes.

“That’s what that was about. You just wanna talk to me? I was wondering why you never joined in! Spencer I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.” They squeezed his hand, rubbing soft circles on the back of it with their thumb. Spencer thought his heart might leap out of his chest.

“Really?”

“Yes really! I love listening to you talk as well. You’re smart, interesting, funny. I’ve wanted to get to know you since I started. So yes, you’re a bit of a jackass, but only for making assumptions and not just talking to me about this in the first place.”

Spencer can’t help but hold back his grin as butterflies erupt in his stomach.

“I promise it won’t happen anymore. I’ll talk to you as much as you’d like. But for the record, I’m known for not being able to shut up.”

“Well you’ve been too quiet around me for months. A Spencer Reid that keeps on talking, I don’t see me ever tiring of that. Oh and one last thing before we go back-” They stand, offering him a hand to pull him up.

“How many?”

“Hmm?” He looks over at them, puzzled, as they make their way back to the breakroom.

“How many constellations in the sky?”

“Eighty-eight officially.”

“Will you show me?”

[auro-ora]

Remember That Night

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: you had a one night stand with Bucky and now you’re pregnant. To make matters worse, you two haven’t spoken to each other since, until one night.

Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of sex, smut, unprotected sex, 18+ fluff :)

Word Count: 1,600 

Notes: @jobean12-blog​  here it iiiis <3 okay so the smut in this was totally unplanned (like her pregnancy tehehe see what I did there?) and this is my first time writing smut and I knoooow it sucks :c but anyway! I enjoyed writing this :) feedback is welcome! Thank you for reading and wish you a bootiful day. 

Since the morning you found out you were pregnant, you were happier and there was more bounce in your steps. Everyone in the compound noticed it and when they asked why, you just simply shrugged and carried on with your day. You also adopted a more healthier lifestyle; no caffeine products, more water, better foods. The cravings were driving you wild though, waking up at 3 a.m. for some pickles usually which you kept secretly stashed away in your own pantry in the kitchen. Tonight was one of those nights, it was currently 2:54 a.m. and you were craving for some of those pickles and some ice cream. “Anything for you, little baby.” you chuckled, caressing your barely-there bump. You were only a couple of weeks gone, around 12 weeks to be precise. 

The pregnancy was completely unplanned and an accident, it happened after a rather difficult mission, you and Bucky sought comfort in each other and ended up having sex the whole night. You used protection which was why this was a total surprise, but even you knew condoms weren’t entirely effective. Previously, you harbored a crush on Bucky for a long time. He was sweet, gentle, caring, handsome, his thick thighs were incredible and his bicep even better. He was everything you wanted in a man; beard, shaggy hair, tall, muscular. He doesn’t know about your pregnancy, but the mere fact that he is the father to your baby makes you really happy and really scared all at the same time because you didn’t know how Bucky would react, the girls knew of your crush and when they tried to find out if he was interested in you or anyone else, he came out and confessed he didn’t want a relationship with anyone.

But to make the situation much harder, the two of you haven’t spoken to each other since that night. The morning after you rolled over and patted his side of the bed to find it cold and empty, then when you met him in the kitchen an hour later and wished him a good morning, he ignored you but continued to talk to Wanda about his plans for the day. You would be lying if you said it didn’t hurt, because it still hurt now. The two of you were close friends up until that point you went to bed together and now it seemed like he was completely regretting it. Maybe the two of you were just lost in the moment. 

The air in the compound was chilly as you walked down the hall and into the kitchen, pulling the sleeves of your sweater over your hands to keep them warm. Your socks sliding against the marble floor with each stride over to your pantry. Bending slightly to look for the jar of pickles hidden behind some potato chips in the back. “Hmm would you rather some cookies?” you patted your belly and chuckled. “No? Okay, pickles it is you fussy little one.” grabbing the jar from the back, the cupboard door shuts with a bang. 

You spun on your heels and almost dropped the jar of pickles, your eyes wide as you stared into those all familiar eyes. “Bucky.” you whispered. Subconsciously pulling the sweater from your belly to make it more baggy. “Who are you talking to?” he asked looking around the kitchen. “Nobody! I was talking to myself.” you chuckled awkwardly, your eyes darting all over the place. Bucky’s senses tell him you’re lying but he decides not to press any further. “Do you want some tea?” he offers pointing his finger to the cupboard where the green tea lives. “Sure.” 

As Bucky made the tea, you made yourself comfortable on the stool putting the jar of pickles in front of you. The air is thick with tension, this being the first time you’re actually talking in months. “I haven’t talked to you in a while.” you said breaking the ice. Bucky exhaled as he put the two cups of green tea down on the counter. You quietly thanked him and sipped the hot beverage, the flavor dancing around on your taste buds. “Why are you eating pickles at this time of the morning?” Bucky wondered. “Uh, I kind of have an addiction to them.” you lied, well technically your baby had an addiction. You kinda smiled at the thought. Bucky watched you closely, you were more fidgety than usual, you’re not making eye contact with him, you’re hiding something and Bucky knows you’re lying. 

The two of you sat in awkward and uncomfortable silence, unable to pull a conversation out of the other. Bucky still thinks about that night he spent with you, it was the best night of his life. You were the first girl he slept with since the 1940s. He still remembers how tight you felt around him, how your walls clenched when he hit that deep spot, the way your breasts bounced with each thrust. The noises he pulled from you that night, he still remembers them like it was only last night. Your fingers interlaced as he brought pleasure to you both, the wetness on the condom, the way you tasted on his tongue still fresh on his mind. 

“Do you remember that night?” Bucky asked suddenly. You bit your lip and smiled. Of course you did, that night was also the best night for you. No man before Bucky has ever been able to make you cum so hard and so many times. You squeeze your thighs just thinking about the way he felt dragging his huge length through your walls and pushing back in. 

“Of course.” you answered, a slight blush sweeping across your cheeks. “I don’t regret it Y/N.” he offers a genuine smile, one you gladly return. “Me neither. I just wished we could have stayed friends after it.” you answered sadly looking down into your cup. “We are friends.” you shook your head and stood up, the overwhelming guilt suddenly washes over you. 

The sudden urge to tell him the truth because it’s his baby too and he deserves to know. “We won’t be after I tell you…” you blink back tears. You feel Bucky stand behind you just from the heat radiating from his body, his metal hand resting on your waist before he slides it further around on your belly and you hold your breath. “Tell me what?” his voice is husky in your ear, he pulls you back towards his body. His hardness digging into your butt. He’s been thinking about you too. 

Without warning, Bucky spins you around and your lips clash. A moan escapes and Bucky uses this opportunity to slip his tongue between your lips. His hands slip under your sweater and he groans when he feels you’re not wearing underwear. He picks you up and sets you down on the counter, nudging your legs open with his knee as he drops his sweatpants down to his ankles and lines himself up to your entrance. Simultaneously moaning when he enters, the familiar full feeling coming back to you just like that night. His thrusts are quick and needy. He’s raw and throbbing against your wet walls. 

You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer. His thrusts deeper and harder, your slick covering most of his length and onto the floor but neither of you care. He dips his head to nip and suck at your pulse point. His fingers slipping between your conjoined bodies as he flicks his thumb over your throbbing clit. “AH FUCK!” you bury your face in his face to muffle your moans and screams. His fingers are bruising against your waist. His thumb is working your clit over and you cum over him with a muffled cry. Your body shaking and your walls squeezing him tightly. His thrusts become languid and a few strokes, you feel him swell against your walls and then the feeling of his hot cum shooting inside you. “Fuck.” he moans breathlessly. Sheens of sweat glistens on your skin. He leans his forehead against yours, just staring into each other’s eyes. 

There’s no words spoken but in this moment, none are needed. “I’m sorry doll, I’ve just missed you so much and I had to make sure she was in there.” he smiled sheepishly, his eyes are dark and hooded. “She?” you questioned digging your heels into his butt. “Come on doll, I know I’m old but I know you’re pregnant.” he pulled out, leaving you empty and cold just like that morning in bed. “How did you…?” 

Bucky helped you down from the counter, your legs turned to jelly from your activity, he helped you to get dressed and made you both a fresh cup of green tea. “My new arm has this feature, it picks up my teammates heartbeats and it vibrates.” he wiggled his eyebrows at the last statement. “Your heart was beating strong, then I heard a fainter one in your stomach.” he smiled. 

A single tear dropped rolled down your cheek. “Are you- are you mad at me?” you asked in barely a whisper. “Of course I’m not. I’m just a little upset you didn’t tell me sooner. I want to be here for you and for the baby. I wanna be with you doll. Haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night.” you walked slowly over to him, your legs still felt numb and took his hand in yours, placing the palm of his over your belly. “We want you too.”

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine iv

Tuesday: ~ 7.9k I’M SO SORRY

previous chapters: i // ii // iii

an: I HAD WRITERS BLOCK BUT THEN IT ALL HIT ME AT ONCE. I thought it was gonna be a short filler chapter but.... 7.9k words later here we are... I realized that I probably should’ve given mc a real name and stuff because it’s so specific about certain details, but it’s too late to change that, so we’ll all have to deal with it unfortunately. Also, from here on out there is a warning for nsfw thoughts! Anyway, enjoy! @thirteenisles!!

summary: Much, much different from yesterday, today is the yearly fishing trip, so you and Mat are- unfortunately- apart for a good part of the day. Mat and your father come to a silent agreement and you look for a distraction in an old flame to keep you from falling more in love with your friend. Mat doesn’t like sharing this place in your mind with anyone else...

It’s the summer of ‘19, eleven years after you first met Mat, and things are bound to be a little different this time around. 

You woke up the next day with a smile on your face, giddy and excited before you even opened your eyes. You had fallen asleep happy and tired and full of warmth the night before, cuddled up against Mat’s side as he drove back to the beach house. He only woke you with soft whispers when it was time to undress for bed; you woke up in his arms realizing he had carried you all the way from the car to your room. So, your mind raced with images of Mat- his smile, his laughter, his eyes, his body- it was all overwhelming enough to stir up passionate dreams about him. Dreams about his skin against yours, weightless in the water, his big hands on you, his body hovering over top of yours, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he moved on top of you... 

Rolling over in bed and trying to control yourself, you opened your phone and went into your gallery, into the folder of all your pictures of Mat from yesterday that you would continue to fill throughout the week. 

And though you’d only been apart from him for the eight hours of sleep, you needed to see him in person.

Mat was in the room across the hall, drifting in and out of sleep with a smile on his face as he thought back to yesterday. He reached over to the bedside table so he could scroll through his own phone. You had asked him yesterday to take a picture of you for your Instagram, posing for him and smiling with the ocean in the background, and he couldn’t look away from them. You looked so good yesterday in that little bikini, all spread out on the paddleboard and soaking up the sunlight, and, as much as he wanted to keep his head out of the gutters around you, there was just something about you. If only you knew the effect you had on him.

“Kids, get up! We’ve got a lot planned for today!” 

He jumped, hearing your mother’s voice in the hall outside your rooms, and sat up a little bit more in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had to admit, this trip would be a little bit more fun if your family wasn’t here as well; if every day could be like yesterday. But hoping to be alone with you for every second of the day was a fantasy, and he knew it. He was still technically intruding on your family vacation.

There was a knock at his door, and for a horrible moment, he thought it was one of your parents before your voice sounded from the other side. “Mat? It’s me.” 

“Yeah, come in.” If only he was ready for what he was about to see. Yeah, he saw you in a bikini yesterday, but this was just as good… You walked into his room in a little tank top and booty shorts, what you had slept in, your messy hair thrown up in a bun. He didn’t want to stare too much, but were you braless? Yeah, you definitely were. He shuffled around under the sheets, making sure you wouldn’t be able to see what you were doing to him. He was lucky you knocked first, or who knows what he could’ve been doing?

Seeing Mat lying in bed was… a sight. His dark hair was haloing around his head on the pillow, he was tangled in the white sheets, and half of his upper chest and arms were exposed and already looking beautifully tanned. “You’ll never guess what today is.”

Mat ran a hand through his hair and let out a puff of air. “Your birthday’s tomorrow, so I have no idea.” 

“It’s the family fishing trip! Remember that?”

Oh, he remembers it. He remembers going out onto the water in a rented boat with his dad and yours, watching in amazement at the huge fish they caught in the ocean. He remembers playing with you on the little dock, daring you to jump from it and into the ocean. Of course, your parents always stopped you from doing that. “No way, you still do that?” 

“Yup, it’s tradition.”

“The same place every year?” 

“Same place.” 

“Maybe this year you won’t be too afraid to jump off the dock.” He smirked, and it was a sight that flooded heat all the way through your body.

“Shut up, Mat! I wasn’t afraid to, my parents just never let me!” He laughed at that, sitting up and letting the sheets fall off his bare chest. “And you know that, too! You just love to get on my nerves.” Oh, that was only one of many things he’d love to do to you.  

“Maybe. But you brought me on this trip anyway.”  

“Don’t make me regret that, Maty.” You swatted his bare leg away from you as he stretched out in bed, and he couldn’t help but smile at the touch. “Get up, we gotta get ready for today. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be pretty fun.” And when you turned and left, Mat had to bite his lip to hold back any reaction to the way your legs looked in those shorts. He tossed his head back to his pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

Yeah, today was gonna be fun.

Back when you and Mat first met, your parents and his immediately got along. He had begged and begged his parents to talk to yours and let him go along on the family fishing trip, mostly because you had cried to him and told him you didn’t want to be alone. Of course, they had to go meet your parents first and come along, but when they finally agreed that Mat could come along, you were over the moon. 

 Since you reconnected almost a year ago, Mat had told his parents about you. He called them the day after you approached him in the bar, when he went out to lunch with you to talk, the moment he knew he was going to try and befriend you again. He was excited when he called them, asking in a frenzy if they still remembered that girl he hung out with the summer of 2008. Of course, they remembered her, they had told him, she was the first crush he ever had. "Oh, your first girlfriend!" his mom had exclaimed. "Mom!" Flustered, Mat shook off those words. No, you were nothing more than friends. 

That’s what he had thought, anyway, up until a few months ago. 

Now, after being alone with you yesterday, he knew: this was much more than friendship.

The place your dad went to go fishing every year was a cute empty spot of beach, with deep water and a small dock where you and your siblings and friends always used to play. Where you used to play with Mat, that summer, when he dared you to jump in but you were too scared. Where you continued to come back to years after until Mat was just a fading memory and your parents urged you to meet new friends. And where, years later, you had your first kiss, with some random boy you met three days before and who you thought was cute.  

“This is where it all began.” You spread your arms wide in a flourish, presenting the dock to Mat when you arrived. He glanced around- yes, this was where it all began. 

“It definitely looks a lot smaller than when we were kids.” 

“Yeah, probably because we grew up.” 

“Aww, if we grew up does that mean I can’t push you in anymore?” 

“Don’t even think about it, Barzal.” Before Mat had the chance to even try to push you in, you were cut off by the sound of an approaching boat out on the water. “Bet, Mat. Wanna push me into the water in front of my dad? I dare you.” He smiled and held up his hands in surrender. Usually, your dad took your brother along with him, but this year it seemed he had other plans. 

“You like to fish, Mathew?”

“Uh,” he glanced at you for help, obviously not yet sure how to talk to your dad. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty good at fishing.”

“Great! Hop on. We’ll have some one-on-one time.”

“Okay, cool.” The moment he turned away, Mat whispered to you: “He’s going to throw me off the boat.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Mat. He doesn’t hate you. You’ll probably just talk about fish or sports.” 

“But don’t you want me here with you?”

“I’ll be fine alone for a bit.”

Mat couldn’t lie- he wasn’t the happiest at how this day was gonna pan out. He wanted one-on-one time with you, not your dad. They had already had that talk at the motel when he ever so kindly told him not to make a move on his daughter, so he wasn’t sure what else could happen. But if this is what he had to go through to get on your dad’s good side, he was gonna try his hardest. So here he sat, kinda awkwardly, next to him, a fishing rod in his hands. 

“So, Mathew, You were gone with (Y/N) yesterday...”

“Uhh, yeah.” 

“What’d the two of you do?” 

He was at a loss for words. What could he say?  “Oh, just uhh, took a drive down to another beach, had lunch.”

“Hmm. But you didn’t try anything?” 

“No, no nothing!”

“I hope not. Otherwise, we’d really have a problem.” Mat couldn’t find a way to respond to that. As much as he wanted to make a move, he knew here wasn’t the ideal place to do it. No, he’d wait until he wasn’t sharing a roof with your father. “Mathew, I still remember what you said at the motel.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Of course, he did. “But you understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?” 

“I- I‘m not sure.”

“You seem like an… okay, guy. A good friend to her. But I’ve seen plenty of guys who seemed okay and ended up breaking her heart. I won’t let that happen again.” Mat wanted to tell him that it wasn’t up to him to decide who his daughter could date, but he knew that that might be the dumbest possible thing to say, so he held his tongue. “I know what young, professional athletes are like. While I respect the sport, you’re not the type of guy I want my daughter with.” He didn’t like the idea that you’d had your heart broken before. He never wanted to do that to you, and your father just had a way of making him doubt himself. 

“I understand.” Mat’s eyes drifted to where you stood down on the sand, barely able to make out your form from this distance, as he wondered what you were doing. 

You were collecting shells, walking side by side with your sister, and catching up with a little bit of girl talk. 

“Sooo, this Mat guy?” 

“Yeah?” You couldn’t help the smile that was pulling onto your face at just the sound of his name. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s an NHL player, first of all.” 

“He’s a lot more than that.” And he was. It may sound strange to others, but he meant everything to you. Ever since that summer where he had been your refuge, he’d been the one you thought about to calm down. He’d been your happy memory. He’d been the dream you could only hope you never forgot. And he became so much more in the past few months. It was a little weird at first when your roommate teased you about your “summer romance” with this boy you didn’t even know, but suddenly you didn’t want to deny it. Maybe this time around, you would come back with an even better story than before. 

“Yeah. He’s also pretty hot.”

“Trust me, I know.” You weren’t shallow, but yeah, the cherry on top was how attractive he just happened to be.

“What are you two? Friends? Maybe moooore?”

“No, no, no, just friends.” Your answer was quick- almost too quick- as if you were trying to cover something up. A silence fell between you and you realized just how in denial you sounded. “But he just means a lot to me, ya know? You heard the story about how we met, right? Mom’s obsessed with telling it.”

“Yeah, of course. If you ask me, kinda sounds like looooove.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Seriously, if this were a movie, I’d watch the shit out of it. Imagine the ratings a plot like that would get! It’s like a teen summer romance but... wholesome and cute! I’m sure everyone has a childhood friend they became separated from. Imagine reading this summary: A boy and girl meet and become best friends only to be separated after one summer of romance-” 

“Ew, don’t say romance! We were like, ten.”

“-After a summer of almost-romance where they were obviously in love even if their little brains couldn’t comprehend it. They reconnect years later, only to realize what they felt all those years ago was much more than friendship.” 

You laughed, but couldn’t help imagining how that story would end. What was your sister, a psychic? “Okay, that’s not quite how it goes, but can we just… stop talking about him? It’s weird.” For the last few months, there had been a weird feeling in your chest whenever you discussed your relationship with Mat. Okay, maybe- just maybe- you had a little crush. A tiny crush. Nothing that meant anything, nothing that wouldn’t be easy to get over. It sucked to have a crush on one of your best friends, to have a crush on the boy you brought along on this trip to use as a distraction from everything else. 

You glanced out to where you could barely see Mat’s figure on the boat with your father. His features were indistinguishable, but you could see the outline of his body and the dark swoop of hair on his head standing out against the blue sky. It wasn’t like Mat was interested in you at all, he was an NHL player, a star at that. He probably had countless girl’s numbers lined up in his contacts that he could date at any given moment, there’s no way he’d settle for a childhood friend he’d only known for a year. Just because he came on this trip with you and promised to be your distraction, didn’t mean he liked you like that. No, if anything, he was here for nostalgia- for looking back on that summer when you were carefree children- not because he had any type of romantic feelings for you. Not because he loved you. Yet, despite this, you couldn’t seem to control yourself around him.

You desperately needed a distraction from Mat, or else you’d end up doing something you couldn’t come back from. 

You dropped your gaze to the sand to look for any pretty, unbroken shells hiding among the piles beneath your feet. The tide had come in high earlier this morning, leaving behind a mess of little shards of broken shells and rocks. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d find one that was whole. 

“Ooh, look at this one!” Your sister held up a pretty shell, still in one piece, colored all the shades of a sunset. 

“Oh, man that’s pretty! I wish I could’ve found one that nice.”

“Don’t look too hard. It was right in front of you the whole time.”

You walked silently, pondering over her words, and searching for something better when a third voice spoke up from a little distance in front of you.  

“No way, (Y/N)?”

It was a voice you’d never thought you’d hear again, but when you looked up towards it, you realized this trip might just get a lot more interesting. Your sister nudged you and made her exit, knowing exactly who this was and wanting to give you alone time with him. 

Maybe this was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of Mat.

Back in 2008, when you were only ten years old, you thought the world of Mat. You thought he was the coolest person you knew, at the beach or at home. He was your closest friend, but for some reason, neither of your young brains realized that you should get each other’s parent’s phone numbers or addresses so you could keep in touch. You left the beach that year with nothing on your mind but Mat, and your parent’s loved to tease you to this day that he was the only person you talked about for months. When next summer rolled around, you were pouty and angry that he was nowhere to be found. And that continued for years to come. 

Slowly, over the years you went on family vacations in that same house, you began, with your parent’s urging, to try and push your memories of Mat to the back of your mind and make new friends with the local kids your age. And slowly, you began to forget about Mat. Or, that’s how you thought it would happen. Sure, there were times you went without thinking of him for a while, but something would always end up reminding you of him. But you pushed it aside. He’s long gone, you’d told yourself, no point in dwelling on the past. None of your new friends could compare to the fun Mat had been, but they were great friends, and now you were young teenagers having fun, getting into trouble together, and experiencing all your firsts together.

This guy- Kyle- was one of those firsts. 

The summer you turned seventeen, there was a new guy among your beachy friend-group. He was your age, and he could already drive, and that made his curly, blonde, surfer boy look even more attractive to all the girls who knew him. As much as you hated to admit today, you weren’t an exception. Yeah, you thought he was cute. No, there wasn’t much about him beyond that, as shallow as it was, but at least he had seemed to care about you that night when he walked you away from the other teens, partying and drinking and walked you out to the dock and kissed you under the stars. He had said all the right things that night, and a few nights later, and later, and later.

You went that whole summer thinking that the two of you were together, but apparently, you’d missed the memo that he was seeing other girls, too. He’d promised he didn’t mean to hurt you but learning that it wasn’t the two of you, learning that he was with other girls too and the whole summer had been a lie made your self-esteem plummet. It hurt like hell, being your first heartbreak, and it was the worst possible way to end a beach trip tradition. 

But he wasn’t a bad guy, not really. He was a young, stupid, teenage boy, right? And he said he didn’t mean to hurt you. No reason to hate him. 

Now, almost exactly four years since you met him, he walked next to you down the beach as you combed for shells, a quietness settling over you. It wasn't a comfortable silence like with Mat, but something uneasy, something tense and awkward. Why was he here? Was it appropriate to just… walk up to your ex and start chatting like old friends? Maybe he was just trying to be civil, courteous- if that’s what this was, you… hesitantly respected that. It probably took as much courage as when you approached Mat for the first time- both times. But, if he was looking for something more…

“So, you been dating at all?”

“Sure I have. I mean, it’s been...almost four years?” Truthfully, you’ve barely been dating. Nothing serious, at least. But you knew it would sound so sad if he was the last “serious” relationship you had. 

“You disappeared after what happened between us. For four years. I thought maybe you couldn’t face me afterward or something.”

“No.” You bit your tongue, not really wanting to bring up old bad blood or reopen old scars. “Life just got in the way. After that year I had a job, then I was moving out, going to college. Just didn’t have time to come down anymore.”

“That sucks. We’ve all really missed you down here.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He smiled, dropping an arm around your shoulder. You knew he didn’t mean it in a romantic way, it was such a thing he would do, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. “We’re actually having a party on Friday. Think you can make it?” Could you make it? It was going to be the night before you had to leave, your last night on the beach, and as much as you wanted to do something alone with Mat, you knew it was inappropriate to cling on him as if he was something more than a friend. As if he was yours. But you needed to take a step back before you did something you couldn’t take back. 

Maybe this was the perfect distraction from Mat.

“I’ll be there.”

After their first discussion, Mat had fallen in and out of uncomfortable small talk with your father for what felt like hours. And now, as they got ready to head back to shore for a quick lunch, he could confirm that he was one hundred percent still not on his good side.  It seemed like no matter what he tried, your father didn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe it was best this way, indifference is better than hate, isn’t it?

“Shit...” 

“Huh?” Mat looked up when your father swore next to him. He was glaring up the shoreline as they approached the dock, out to where you were. And then he noticed, with a jolt to his heart, that you weren’t alone out there. Standing next to you in the sand was a generic-looking douchebag surfer dude. He was standing way, way too close to you for his comfort, with an arm thrown over your shoulders like you were old buddies. “Who’s that?” 

“It’s not really any of your business, is it?” He glanced over and, for a moment, Mat regretted asking anything, not wanting to stir up any drama. “But... seeing as you’re here as her friend, maybe you can talk some sense into her.” 

“About what?”

“It’s not my place to tell you about her private stuff but… that boy. Trouble.” He shook his head, preparing to dock the boat. “Mathew, I don’t dislike you. You mean a lot to (Y/N) as a friend, and I don’t want you to ruin that. If things didn’t work out between you two, she would be devastated. I’ve seen her heartbroken, but if it was because of you, it’d be so much worse. She could barely function without you after that summer, so if things ended completely between you two...”

Mat couldn’t help but smile when your father said he didn’t dislike him. That was a start, at least. But the thought of you having your heart broken was something he didn’t want to think about. The thought you being heartbroken because of him was something he didn’t want to think about. “I know.” And he did. He understood because he would feel the same way. If things went awkward and sour between the two of you, he would hate himself. He would be lost. Reconnecting after ten years and then losing you all together would hurt even more than if he’d never found you- if you were still only a fond memory he thought back to. If he lost you, he wouldn’t even know what to do. He needed you.

“But, that being said, you’re better than any other guy she’s cared about. Especially that boy. I respect that.” He stepped onto the dock and cast one look back at him. “Look out for her this week. As a friend.” 

“I will.” 

“Starting now.” He motioned down the beach where you stood with the boy, his arm around you, pulling you much too close to his body. 

It felt good to know that at least your father didn’t hate him. He respected him, even. It felt good to know that both men had the same ideas when it came to your safety and were able to come to a silent agreement. And if all they could bond over was their need to protect you, he could take that. Because you were all that mattered to him. 

He all but jogged down the beach to you, his heart throbbing at the sight of you smiling and laughing with someone other than him. His blood boiled. He hated that you were so familiar and comfortable with this guy, but he took comfort in the fact that your dad felt the same way, that at least they were on the same page about that. What could he be saying that was making you this happy? Who could he be who was stealing your attention away from him? That should be him, with his arm around you, making your eyes sparkle in laughter. What was this tightening feeling in his chest? 

Why was Mat so jealous of him?

“Who’s this?”

You looked up from where you were practically hanging on the blonde boy’s arm and met eyes with Mat. Your Mat, your best friend. The man you were trying to forget about. And you had forgotten about him for a few minutes, falling back into the memory of your summer romance at seventeen instead of thinking of Mat, with his pretty dark swoops of hair and high cheekbones, those shimmering hazel eyes and that dazzling smile… and the fact that he was shirtless and shining all pretty and golden in the sunlight. The way he made you laugh until there were tears in your eyes and your sides ached, the way he made your heart pound erratically when he hugged you and when he threw his arm over your shoulders.

And suddenly you realized your ex couldn’t compare to Mat at all, no matter how much you needed a distraction. 

“Mat, this is Kyle. Kyle, this is my friend, Mat.”

“Hey.” The other guy spoke up, and somehow, he sounded exactly like Mat expected him to sound. Like a fucking douchebag.

“Hey.” Mat couldn’t hide how unenthusiastic he was when he greeted the man, and you noticed. It was awkward, you were sandwiched between two shirtless men, one your ex- who you were trying to use as a distraction- and one your best friend- who you were hopelessly crushing on and needed a distraction from- and all three of you waited and waited until Mat finally spoke up. “So, how do you know each other?”

“We, uhh, we dated when we were younger.” 

“Oh?” Mat wasn’t a fan of the way his heart ached when those words left your lips. Of course, you had other boyfriends, you were stunning, borderline perfect. Everyone must want you. You’re not mine, you’re not mine, I know. “You did?”

“Yeah, actually…” Kyle tossed his curly hair out of his face and had Mat rolling his eyes. “We met down here a few years ago. And that dock over there?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the dock, pulling you against him. “First kiss.” Mat’s muscles tensed, his jaw went tight and his fists closed- he hated the idea that this dock was anyone else’s special place with you. Okay, maybe it was a bit selfish, but he thought this was just a little secret between the two of you, and then this guy had to show up and ruin it? “Best first kiss a girl could get, huh?” He looked at you with a cheeky, smirk...

...But it wasn’t as cute as Mat’s.

“Yeah, it was good.” 

Mat knew it was stupid and unrealistic of him to think he’d always had you all to himself. You’d only known each other for that one summer, and had been separated for ten years, so of course, you eventually found someone other than him. But he couldn’t deny how much it pained his heart to know that somebody else had been closer to you than he had. To know that someone else had taken his place. To know that you weren’t even his to begin with. This guy had held you, kissed you, taken Mat off of your mind, and Mat hated how it felt to know that. “Cool, cool. Well, I think it’s time to head back for lunch, (y/n).”

“Ah, shit, really?” he pulled you tight against him in a quick side hug and kissed the top of your head. Part of you wished, for a moment, that he was Mat instead. “See ya. Remember, Friday!”

“Yep, Friday!” 

Mat couldn’t help but roll his eyes again, watching him leave. He came on this trip with you and you were ditching him for your ex? Shit, it was so tough being just your friend. “What’s Friday?” His voice came out more strained and forced than he wanted it to.

“A party with my old friends.”

“You’re going?”

“Yeah, they’re my friends, so why not?” Mat couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed, but he knew this was your vacation, and you were kind enough to invite him along, so he couldn’t tell you what you could and couldn’t do. Just friends, just friends, just friends, he told himself. 

“Well, I still get you to myself tomorrow, right? For your birthday?” 

“Of course you do. Why, are you planning something?”

“Duh, what else is a best friend for?” He pulled you against him to walk down the beach and you smiled at the familiar scent of him, the familiar warmth of his body. Being in his arms was so much better than being in Kyle’s arms. He shrugged, sucking up his pride to tease you about your ex-boyfriend. “Sooo... you and surfer dude, huh? Didn’t know you were into that type.” He laughed again, nudging you with his elbow and smirking. 

His smirk was a lot cuter than your ex’s. 

“Shut up!” You laughed at the teasing lilt in his voice. There was your Mat, happy and smiling. His heart lit up again. Yeah, he could make you laugh so much better than anyone else could. He would always take pride in that. “I know, I know, it’s embarrassing, but listen! We were only seventeen, he could drive already…”

“Ooh, sexy.”

“Mat!” 

“I’m serious, the ability to drive is pretty hot, right?”

You laughed, “Mat! I get it, I get it, it was a dumb summer fling, okay? There actually isn’t much more to him personality-wise. He’s not better than you.” 

“Of course he’s not.” As cocky as Mat played it off, he was really thankful. Thankful you still preferred him over your ex-boyfriend. Thankful he still held a special place in your head, in your heart, even, that no one else ever would. “I mean, have you seen me?”

“I have.” Your eyes skimmed the length of his body. You’d seen him, alright. “You wanna hit the waves before lunch?” You traced your fingers down his arm and grabbed his big hand in yours.

“How could I say no?”

So, with his hand in yours, you ran to the water, shedding the sheer cover-up you’d been wearing over your swimsuit and shrieking when the waves splashed up against you. As usual, Mat dared you to follow him out further than you would’ve like to have gone. The gleam in his eyes was something you weren’t unfamiliar with, the same gleam he got when he was beating you at a game or when you dared him to do something. He wasn’t one to back down until he won, and that was rubbing off on you. His confidence was rubbing off on you. Something about him made you feel so brave. 

“I’m guessing you’re not gonna tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?

“Of course not. It’s a surprise. What type of friend would I be if I gave away the surprise?” He dodged the water you splashed towards him and half hopped, half swam backward in the water. You had wadded out to an area that was deep enough for neither of you to be able to stand very well, and as much as you hated being out here, you felt safe as long as Mat was next to you. He splashed you back in retaliation only to be immediately hit from behind by a wave, laughing the whole time he went down at the shriek you let out when he got your hair wet. 

You laughed as he went under. “That’s what you get, Barzal!” After a few seconds without seeing him resurface, you started to worry, your breath caught in your throat. Should he have been up by now? Did he get the breath knocked out of him and couldn’t come up? Did he get pulled out further? “Mat? Mat, hey, where’d you go, buddy?” Your breath was shallow, your mind fuzzy, and your heartbeat quickened as you took a few strides forward, turning and glancing over the rippling surface of the water, trying to find any sign of him, any movement, any trace of his dark hair, but there was nothing. 

Not until a pair of arms underwater grabbed your waist from behind and lifted you. 

“Gotcha.”

He was still laughing, still teasing you, thinking he had just played a funny trick on you and you hadn’t been in the middle of freaking out and panicking that your best friend had probably drowned. 

“Shit, Mat. Oh my god.” You turned in his arms and pulled yourself against him, cheeks warming up at the feeling of his wet, bare skin against yours, his muscles taut, and his skin slick beneath your fingertips. He’s okay, he’s safe, he’s alive. You brought your hands up around his shoulders, pushing black strands of wet hair out of his eyes as he continued to laugh. You smacked his shoulder, suddenly angry that he would even joke about drowning. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. “You’re a dick! That wasn’t funny!”

Mat must have noticed the way your nails were digging into the flesh of his biceps, holding him for dear life with an urgent look in your eyes because he stopped laughing almost immediately when he noticed your concern. “Hey, hey.” His voice dropped to the gentle, reassuring tone that always made you emotional. The voice he broke out when you got hurt and he was there as a friend to pick up the pieces. The same voice he’d used all those years ago when you started crying over a crab he had thrown at you. “Look, I’m fine.”

“But I didn’t know that two seconds ago!”

“I’m sorry. I was just messing around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. I’m just glad you’re alive.” You took deep breaths, your head dropping to rest on his wet shoulder, your face pressed against the crook of his neck. It took you a few moments to understand how intimate this was: you were wrapped up together under the water, still in his arms with your feet listed off the sandy floor, pressed chest to chest with your arms wrapped over his shoulders. What you had intended to be a friendly hug became so much more when you were wet and weightless and almost bare, pressed against each other. You sighed and pulled back from him, dropping down to your feet but keeping your hands on his shoulders so stay still. He was your anchor out here. “You know, you don’t have to go pretending to drown just because you’re jealous of my ex and want my attention back.”

“What?” he scoffed, trying to play it off cool. Okay, maybe it was true that he was looking for a little bit of your attention, but he’d never admit that. Friends don’t get jealous of their friend’s ex-boyfriends. “I’m not jealous.” 

“Really? You didn’t seem like your friendly self when you were talking to him. And your eyes look pretty green right now, so I’d say that’s probably because of the green monster.” You teased, poking at his face.

“He’s your ex, do you want me to treat him like a friend?”

“Well, he was also my friend, so you don’t need to be so hostile towards him. But I get it. It’s okay to be jealous. I get jealous of your friends, sometimes.”

“You do? Why?”

“They’ve gotten to spend more time with you than I did. They probably mean a lot more. You have friends you’ve known for years, and I’m not one of them. We only knew each other that summer and then this past year. I wish we would’ve been friends longer.” 

“You don’t have to be jealous of them, though. I actually feel like we’ve known each other since then. I thought back to you a lot, wondering what you were up to...”

“Probably thinking of you.” You smiled, your heart swelling at the thought that between growing up and getting into the NHL, Mat still thought of you every now and then. “I feel so lucky to have found you” You closed your mouth, letting your words settle in the air between the two of you. “You don’t have to be jealous either. Kyle wasn’t that great. Not cooler than our time together.”

“No?” He added a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. “I thought he was the cool kid who could drive?”

“No.” You dropped your gaze to the ocean, turning away from Mat. “We may have had a little… romance thing, but he cheated on me.” Mat’s eyes went soft, his eyebrows furrowing up at the idea of you having your heart broken like that. He knew much too well what it felt like to be lied to and cheated on, so to imagine you suffering through that without him there to help pick up the pieces for you was too much. “Well, no,” You shook your head. “I guess he didn’t really cheat. Only kinda. It was just a summer fling to him, but I thought it was something more. I was just dumb and naive I guess.”

“Hey,” His hands lifted to your shoulders momentarily, turning you to look up at him. “That’s really shitty anyway. He hurt you.” 

“Yeah. He did. And you'd never hurt me.” Your fingers, much without your permission, glided down the lengths of his wet arms to cover his hands with yours. “See? You don’t need to be jealous. You’re so much cooler. You mean more to me than he ever did. Nothing- no one- can ever top that summer. No one can ever top how much you mean to me. You're my friend.” 

You both sat in uncomfortable silence, mutually hating that sentence. There was no way you were just friends. This wasn’t platonic at all.  Friends didn’t cuddle each other in motel rooms; friends didn’t hold each other underwater; friends didn’t daydream about making out with each other; friends didn’t get jealous of their friend’s exes; friends didn’t have hot, wet dreams about each other almost every night; friends didn’t nearly kiss every single day. So were you really just friends?

"Yeah." As much as Mat hated being "the friend", he was going to try his hardest to live up to that if that's what you wanted from him. And even if that’s all he’d ever be, he would learn to accept it. It was better than not having you at all. "I might even be your best friend ever, right?" 

"We'll see about that. You've got a lot of competition." He laughed with you. Oh, if only you know how much he didn't want to be your friend. If only he knew how much you wanted him to kiss you. 

 “Well, was that enough serious talk for today?”

“Yeah,” You huffed a sigh, brushing off the thoughts in your head. “I think it was.”

Your gaze dropped from those pretty hazel eyes, shimmering golden and green in the sunlight, across the immaculate structure of his cheekbones and jaw, right to his pretty pink lips. If only you could know what it felt like to have them against yours- would they be soft or rough?- to have his hot tongue in your mouth, his hands grabbing your waist, touching you all over, pulling you onto his lap. What you wouldn’t give to feel his mouth making it’s way down your body, leaving wet kisses and sucking on tender skin, leaving marks on your throat, your hips, the insides of your thighs. To feel his nose rub against you as his tongue dipped, lapped, caressed…

Mat watched you, the look in your eyes, all the walls about your past broken down, and at that very moment, he knew something. He would be your friend as long as you needed, he would be there for you to pick up the pieces and listen to your problems, he’d keep you safe, he’d do what a best friend should do. But, fuck. Fuck, he loved you. He loved you, he loved you, he loved you, and he wasn’t sure how long he could keep it to himself.  This was so bad. 

He broke apart from you, removing his hands from where they’d been resting on your shoulders under your own soft hands, taking a few strides back in the water, and trying to regain some platonic boundaries between the two of you. That was all you were, right? Friends.

“Woah, where are you running off too, Mat?” Your laugh rang in his ear, pretty and perfect, and you.

“I-” He gestured back to the shore. “I think lunch is ready onshore. I’m kinda hungry.”

“Alright.” You pressed your hand into his and his heart leaped at the simple affection. It’s not like you hadn’t held hands before, but this time it felt… different. “Let’s head back then, Maty.”

Damn it, you have me wrapped around your finger, babe.

The day passed much too quickly for either of your taste and before you knew it the sun was dipping low in the sky, signaling the end of your long day. You wanted to spend the rest of time here in the sun, your feet digging into the sandy bottom of the ocean with the waves splashing around you; you wanted to spend the rest of time wrapped up in each other’s arms, caught up in each other’s eyes, frozen in time as you held on for dear life in your own little bubble separate from the rest of the world; daydreaming about kissing and fingers running through each other’s hair. You wanted to spend the rest of time dreaming of holding each other without worrying that the other didn’t feel the same. 

But it wasn’t quite over yet.

You were sitting alone on the dock, working away at braiding the bracelet you were finishing up for Mat when you heard footsteps behind you and looked up to find him, his hair sun-dried and fluffy in the breeze and a fresh drink in his hand. “Wow, that’s really coming along, huh?” His voice was a blanket of familiarity washing over you. You would never get tired of hearing it.

“Yeah, it is.” You smiled up at him. “When you want something hard enough, you really gotta work for it.” You reached up to grab his empty hand, wrapping the bracelet around his wrist to see how much more you had to get done. Your fingers lingered on his skin for a few moments longer than they should have, and you both noticed the delicate change in atmosphere before you pulled away completely.

“You mind if I join you here?”

“Anytime, Mat.”

So he sat down next to you, watching the colors fade from the sky and dipping his toes in the water with you and closing his eyes in pure bliss. You were both warm and smelled of saltwater and sunscreen, your breath tasting of the lemonade you had had after dinner, and whatever alcoholic drink Mat was currently sipping on; your cheeks and nose were still slightly rosy from the sun, faces hurting from smiling and laughing too much with him. If this wasn’t the perfect recreation of your first family trip with him all those years ago, you weren’t sure what was. 

Everything was soft and quiet until Mat spoke up from next to you. “You know, sunsets on the east coast aren’t that cool.”

“Ouch!” You mocked offense, bringing a hand to your heart. ”Wow, I invite you on this vacation with me and all you can do is insult it? I’ll rethink ever bringing you back.” He threw his head back in a cackle- the one you loved so much.

“No, I just mean… it’s cooler seeing the sunset over the ocean, don’t you think?” 

You shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t really wanna inflate your ego any more.”

He chuckled a bit more, always a welcomed sound in your ears. “Guess I gotta take you out west then, try to convince you.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’ll take you to Vancouver with me when I go home. We can head to the beach from there. My mom would love to meet you.” 

“You told your parents about me?”

“Of course. I told them all about you after we caught up. They remember you, they even still have pictures of us somewhere. They’d love you.” 

There was something about that moment... He was shirtless, the sun was going down behind him and casting a pretty halo around his head, his eyes held yours intensely, with unanswered questions. You tried to ignore the way his skin glistened in the light, the way his thick thighs were spreading out deliciously as he sat, the way you were sitting so close to him that the outside of your bare thigh was touching his, the way you were leaning back on your hands with your pinky loosely tangled with his. There was something about that moment, talking about his family and how much they’d love to meet you, how there are still pictures floating around of you and Mat as children, of the one summer that changed everything for you. There was something about that moment that almost had you leaning in.  

“Kids, we’re heading home!”

You turned away from him quickly, scooting your leg away and pulling your hand from his. Maybe hearing your mother’s voice was what pulled you back into reality. You couldn’t kiss him. Not now.

“Yeah, yeah!!” You pulled yourself up off the dock, extending a hand to help Mat up, and smiling when his big palm touched yours, warm and soft. “We’re coming!” 

This wasn’t how you wanted the day to end, but maybe it was for the best.

You could break the boundaries of friendship, push the limits to your relationship with Mat, stick your toe in and test the waters, but was it worth it? Maybe you should just try to avoid your feelings for him. Maybe it would be best to suffer in silence for the rest of your life. Shove those feelings down inside of you and swallow your words only to spend your nights dreaming of how it would feel to sleep next to him, to roll over into his arms. Maybe it was best to love him from afar. Rather that than ruin what was an amazing friendship. 

Right?

[parkjess]

hello! can i request an astro individual scenario where they try confessing to the reader?

Thank you for requesting! 🥰

Myungjun:

After finishing with his musical schedule, Myungjun, your friend you were there to support every day of his rehearsals, took you to a relaxing day. Sunday morning, sun’s up, he made some sandwiches and drinks for the whole day, taking you around the beautiful places in town, where there is a view almost as pretty as him.

You catch up with one another’s schedule and hard times you had through the past few weeks. “You know, I thought about you a lot during practice.” He says, swinging the basket he was holding and then taking a look at you. You do the same, yet surprised. -“You did?” Asking and taking a seat on a bench, full of spring flowers that fell off the tree behind.

“Yeah. You helped me a lot in my mind, so thank you.” He chuckles, taking the seat near you, “I have been thinking about it a lot now,” he’s slightly getting nervous. You look up at him, locking eyes. -“What is it? You can tell me anything.” “I like you y/n. You are always there for me when I need you, and even when I don’t ask for it, you always know when to find me. I like you a lot.” Your heart added extra beat when he said that sentence you needed to hear so badly, since you are going through hard time now, and didn’t even tell him about it.

-“I like you too Myungjun.”

Jinwoo:

Sanha called you last night to invite you to jinwoo’s birthday party that will take place next week in the dorms, and ofcourse you agreed and even helped making the decorations, the cake and little gift bags for everyone.

The whole week you were walking around the mall and town with the boys, every day with someone else. You decided to buy Jinwoo several birthday gifts since you’re never sure if he’s gonna like the last one you bought, and every each of them helped with their own style.

Finally March 14 arrived, you have planned to spend the whole day with Jinwoo and come back to the dorms exactly at midnight, when it’s the 15 already. At first he didn’t want to finish the bowling game you were playing around 11pm so you faked a stomachache, and as you thought, he rushed to take you back to the dorm as soon as possible. It’s 12:02am, you missed the exact midnight because he was stubborn to take you to your place. “Jinwoo...” you whisper when you arrive at the dorms’ entrance, -“Y/n are you okay?” He asks when he notices you are completely fine suddenly, so you place your hand quickly on the door handle as a sign for the boys, and open it. “Happy birthday!” Jinwoo’s five best friends and you, his secret crush that only sanha knows about, shout, scaring the birthday kid. -“oh my god you tricked me!” Jinwoo shout at you with a smile, pointing at your stomach, you can see how he cared about you being in pain. “She planned this all, hyung!” Sanha says happily as you hit his arm playfully, turning red from the credit he gave you. “NO, SANHA, we planned this all, happy birthday Park Jinwoo.” You say and stretch your arm to get your gifts for him, handing 5 different full bags to him.

-“I... I have nothing to say... y/n, you’re amazing, you all are, guys.” Jinwoo stutters, “Just say you love her already hyung.” All of the sudden Sanha says, making all of you turn to him as he realized what he just said, Jinwoo slaps his own forehead with his palm. -“OH MY GOD.” Minhyuk interrupts quietly. “Yes, oh my god, SANHA WHAT THE HELL!” You yell at the younger boy, realizing he was speaking the truth since Jinwoo didn’t deny anything.

“What? You’ll thank me later hyung.” Sanha says nonchalantly and shoves a spoon full of cake into his mouth.

After you all ate cake and Jinwoo called you to his room, you didn’t feel uncomfortable talking to him, not even now, but you felt like your heart is going to leave your rib cage soon. “First of all, I’m so thankful for you making all of... this. You made me the happiest man on earth, you always do. Second, I love you.” He takes your hand once he says he confesses. “Third, Sanha is a dumbass I’m grateful for, because he made me finally say this. I’m sick of hiding my feelings for you, I want you to know it finally. I love you y/n.” Your heart race could be heard from miles away, -“I love you too Jinwoo.” You say back and kiss him on the lips, it tastes like sweet vanilla frosting. -“He was right, you are going to thank him later.” You finally say and kiss him once again, missing the taste of cake on your own lips.

Dongmin:

“Y/n! Finally, I’ve been calling you the whole morning, anyways, we are going to the beach today, wanna join us?” Moonbin, one of your friends calls you when you wake up, peeking at your phone while he’s talking, 12 missed calls from him and Minhyuk. -“uhm, yeah sure? I just woke up so I’ll be there in like two hours.” You reply with still sleepy, crispy voice. “Alright! See you then.” He says and hangs up.

Arriving at the beach, it’s a sunny day in the middle of February, the cold breeze helps your hair tangle itself, and the lip gloss you applied doesn’t make the situation better.

“Hey! Lee dongmin!” You shout when you see the handsome guy sits on a beach towel, covered with his big coat. the others are missing in your eye sight. -“Y/n hii,” Dongmin looks up at you, offering you a seat near him.

“Thanks, are you cold?” You ask him while he’s deep in your eyes, smiling his charming smile that makes your heart flutter. -“Ah no it’s okay.” You say nothing but hand him a hot pack, he thanks you and brings it closer to his neck. “So... where is everyone?” Feeling kinda awkward, you decide to ask something to break the silence. Dongmin was your crush for 3 years, yet not long ago you decided to control these feelings since you don’t want to ruin your friendship, and still, your stomach fills with butterflies every time you hear his voice or look at him.

-“There they are.” He points behind you with his head since his hands are busy holding the hot packs. “You’re here!” Sanha shouts and quickly bends over to hug you. The others just greet you with excitement.

“Guys, why don’t you go buy something to eat?” Dongmin suddenly asks, you look at him surprised since they just came from somewhere. Jinwoo was the only one who got the sign and pulled the boys out of there.

“Y/n, I have something to tell you.” Dongmin softly says, stretching his arms to hold your hand. “I have tried to deny it, but I’m afraid I can’t. You already know where this is going, right?” Dongmin likes your clever brain, in fact, that’s what made him fall for you in the first place.

But you tried to convince yourself that’s not what you’re thinking, only because you’re scared to be denied.

-“I’m not sure...”

“I like you y/n, a lot, and you probably don’t want to ruin this friendship but I don’t mind ruining it with something bigger than that.”

Wow, your whole body twitched at those words of his. -“I’m pretty much shocked now, because I’ve been feeling the same. I like you too Dongmin.”

Moonbin:

Your graduation party wasn’t like you expected it to be. The theme everyone chose was 80’ style, which was different from other proms you have seen.

“Moonbin, hi.” You say shyly when you get close to your friend, still refusing to believe these are the last days you see each other, and then every one goes on his own way.

He turns to you, wearing those shades that make you laugh at him. “Woah, dude chill with the coolness.” You giggle, sticking your thumbnail between your teeth. -“Well, you look wonderful too.” He laughs, grabbing the drink his friend just handed to him. “So... last day huh?” You sigh. -“Yeah,” he follows, taking a sip from what looks like non-alcoholic blue drink. -“Remember when we wished to finish school? Never knew it will be somehow sad like this...” “Yeah well, let’s not spend our last hours together like this upset.” You said, grabbing his hand to the “dance floor”.

All you have done is having fun with your classmates and friends, no getting drunk, no expensive suits and dresses, but good music and atmosphere. Moonbin was one of the last students who stayed there with you until after midnight, dancing till you can’t breathe no more from laughing so much. “Wow, that was a very happy ending, don’t you think so?” He turns his head to you as you pull skewers with marshmallows on it, hand one to him and hold it above the fire. -“I do, I still can’t believe we’re together for years, we went through everything, since 1st grade till now.”

“Y/n...” he whispers, realizing all of these things you just said. -“hmm?” You look at him, feeling too close. “I’m gonna regret it if I won’t say it right now,” he smiles a bit. “I love you.” Your eyes widen from his words, almost burning the marshmallows because you forgot them. -“I... Bin, I don’t know what to say.” You felt the same, but just couldn’t say those 3 words so easily. “Don’t say anything.” He shoves a marshmallow into his mouth and stands up, offering you his hand to do so too. -“Wait.” You stop him when he’s about to go. -“I love you too.” You immediately say and pull him closer for a kiss.

Minhyuk:

“Minhyuk, where are we going?”

Your friend grabbed your hand the moment he heard from Myungjun that you are feeling a bit down these days, not able to accomplish anything you want. -“It’ll be fun, I promise,” he stops near his new car, and says with a smile, -“Now get in the car.” He opens the car door for you and you enter, noticing the comfort pillows he has in the two front seats. “Are you kidnapping me?” You say sarcastically, pulling the seat belt while he get in the car from the other side. -“If I would, you wouldn’t know.” Minhyuk smirks his usual charming smirk and drives off the parking lot.

The ride wasn’t too long, it was full with both of your laughter, loud music and screaming because he almost bumped into a cat. -“Were here.” He takes off his seatbelt and says, walks out first to open your door again, like a real banal gentleman. “Starbucks? Oh come on, do you wanna tell me what’s going on? You never take me here, or anywhere alone.” You weren’t lying, he never hangs out with you alone but only with another mutual friend of yours, today he felt like he doesn’t want you to feel unwell so he decided to take you on a ‘friendly date’.

-“So you’re actually saying you want me to take you alone more often?” Here’s that smirk again, and he laughs it off. The place was very beautiful, spring atmosphere it is. He told you to sit near one of the tables with a pretty view while he’s ordering the drinks.

You sat there watching the view, glancing at you handsome friend from time to time, wondering why he buy you drinks all of the sudden, he’s the type to ask you to buy him a drink usually.

-“There you go, and... this.” He places your favorite pastry near the beverage, which makes him more suspicious. “Minhyuk, stop wasting your money on me. What is it with you today?” -“Just shut up and drink.” He laughs, gosh his smile made you forget everything you are going through. You take a bite from the sweet muffin (or whatever you like to eat) and thank him about it. “Okay but seriously now, why are you so good to me toda- I mean, you’re always good but today there’s something different.” Your friend rolls eyes at your stubbornness and sighs. -“Myungjun hyung told me you are having hard time.”

Not enough for you, still, he’s hiding something. He could tell you’re having a hard time several times this year, and yet, this has never happened before. When you both finished drinking and chitchatting about life, the usual conversations with Minhyuk, you went out to breathe some fresh air. There was a beautiful park (minhyuk hehehuhu) nearby so he walked you there without you to notice. -“Actually, I do have something to tell you, but this day was supposed to cheer you up, I don’t know what you are going through, but you know you can always talk to me, right?” He suddenly starts to walk slower, puts his hands into his denim jacket, he looks down on the leaves and then up at you. “Yes, ofcourse, but don’t worry about it. Ah, what was the thing you wanted to tell me?” You ask, locking eyes with him from time to time, it feels great to look him in the eyes like that, he’s shining. -“I’ll just say it like that, right away.” He lets you know first, -“I care about you, I like you, actually.” The way he said those words was like he planned this for a while now, but it came fluently from the bottom of his heart.

“I knew it!” You fist your hand, -“You did?” He asks in confusion. “Yeah, I mean no I didn’t but I hoped so.” His smile appears again, -“hoped... Does that mean you like me too?” His heart beats can be heard from where you were standing. “Well, you know me best, so I guess you know the answer.” You reply and take his hand in yours, intertwining fingers.

Sanha:

“Yoon sanha! Give me back my camera!” You shout while running after the 10 feet tall guy that every step he makes equals to 3 steps of you.

He runs so fast until he can’t no more and gives up, breathing heavily while holding onto his knees. -“Take your camera, it doesn’t worth your embarrassing pictures.” You grab it right after he says, searching for the pics he was taking of you while eating and talking with the others. “Oh my god Sanha you’re gonna pay for that.” You tell him while panting and looking at your own awkward moments. You didn’t like to see yourself while talking, kinda insecure about it, but he didn’t know it.

“Both of you stop and let’s go eat.” Dongmin appears behind the two of you, scaring you both since you didn’t expect him to be there.

-“Ah! Hyung!” Sanha screams as soon as he hears Dongmin’s slightly deep voice, following him to where you were sitting all together in the first place. “Open your mouth.” You held a fork with lightly burnt, hot, potato stuck on it, making its way to Sanha’s mouth. The others just looked at you shocked, and you didn’t get why. “What?” You ask, sticking the fork in another piece of potato, that’s his favorite thing to eat, especially on camping trips. -“You would make a great couple someday.” Jinwoo says and the rest of them agree. “What? Ew, no he’s my best friend.” You know Sanha is close to you so wouldn’t be offended by your words, even though he wanted you to be more than his bestie.

Time passed and all of them went to sleep, except for you and Sanha who stayed up late singing songs while he plays the guitar. “Did you really mean what you said earlier?” He suddenly asks, looks like he does care about that. -“Which part?”

“The one with the ‘Ew’, do you really mean it?” His voice lowers. -“What? No Sanha, ofcourse not. It’s just, you know what they are going to say if I’d said otherwise. Why does that bother you?” He grabs the Polaroid camera from earlier, handing it over to you. “What-“ he cuts you off. -“look at the third picture.” You take it and roll the gallery to the picture he meant, it was you; but a finger heart at the bottom of the picture. “Sanha, I don’t get-“. -“I like you y/n, more than a best friend. And I wish Jinwoo’s words could make a reality.” Wait... what? “Yoon sanha, are you kid- you’re speaking the truth.” You realize since you recognize his serious face. “I, actually, said what I said earlier... because I was starting to feel the same feelings for you, and I guess I was too scared...”

-“So, you like me back?”

“I guess- I do.”

[contextualizd]

So it's my first time ever to try writing a short story/fan fiction. I'm a huge fan of B99 and I've read so many amazing fics here and on AO3, so I tried writing one. I love the jealous/pining Amy plot cause I feel like we don't see that a lot on TV, so that's what I went for. This is a little sad but hopeful. I've read some fics of the same plot so I may have gotten some inspiration from them. I also used Of Monsters and Men's version of the song ”Circles” as inspiration: Run away, but we're running in circles.

And again, it's my first time EVER to write a fictional short story so please bear with me. I mostly just write poems and essays so this is all very new to me. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts though. But please be gentle. Haha. Anyway, here it goes...

NOTE: Also posted here and on AO3.

"Run away, but we're running in circles"

Plot:

Set after Det. Majors, where Amy told Jake about her rule of not dating cops, and before Johnny and Dora.

Caroline, another detective friend of Jake's from his old precinct comes to the 99 to work on a research.

They reconnect and Amy learns from Caroline herself that she really liked Jake and now that he's single, she's hoping that something could finally happen between them. And Amy starts regretting her decision of telling Jake about her stupid rule.

Amy looked up from her computer for the nth time. The desk opposite her is still empty. It's almost lunchtime and Jake hasn't come in yet. She's wondering if he's called in sick or something. She can just text him to ask of course, but since that day she told him about her rule of not dating cops, things have been kinda awkward between them.

She doesn't want to ask Charles cause he'll just tease her. He hasn't stopped teasing her since he found out she had feelings for Jake. It's not really helping with the way things are right now.

Rosa probably won't mind but she's certain that she doesn't care so much about Jake's whereabouts either.

Terry is out on a workplace seminar.

And she's too intimidated to talk to Gina.

Her only other option is to ask Captain Holt, but he's not in his office as well. Something about a meeting in One Police Plaza.

Why does she care so much anyway? Oh yeah, it's because she still likes Jake. But she can't tell him because of her stupid rule. She keeps telling herself that it's for the best. She doesn't want to risk whatever friendship they have just because of a stupid crush.

After about an hour, the elevator dings, and out came Captain Holt with Jake and a very pretty blonde girl.

She's so pretty and her face is so charming. Her hair is so straight and swishy. Her eyes crinkle when she smiles and she has a tiny dimple on her left cheek. She seems to be leaning closely to Jake while talking and laughing animatedly. Amy was so focused on her and how she seems to know Jake so well that she didn't even notice that Captain Holt was talking to the squad.

"..and so we agreed that they can research the system in a number of preselected precincts via observation. Which is why Ms. Caroline Gomez here from the Information Technology Bureau will be joining us for a few days to observe and study our day-to-day processes. Do make her feel at home."

"Thank you, Captain." Caroline smiles sweetly at him.

"I hope you'll find the squad to be helpful for your research. You could maybe start by taking a tour around the precinct. Detective Peralta can help you with that."

"You got it, Captain." Says Jake.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything. Good luck."

After Captain Holt retreated to his office Jake started to introduce Caroline to the squad. It turns out that Caroline was an old friend of Jake's from his old precinct. She's been transferred to the Strategic Technology Division and is researching a project that her team is working on. She reached out to Jake when she found out that he's working at the 99 to see if they can arrange a meeting with Captain Holt. The project is confidential but it was discussed with Captain Holt during the meeting. Jake came with him to One Police Plaza out of curiosity but he was "excluded" because according to him, "They probably thought they won't be able to handle my inputs."

"You remember Gina?" Jake asks Caroline.

"How could anyone ever forget Gina?"

"I know right? What's up girl?" Gina winks at her.

"I'm great. This is great. I'm so lucky that I at least knew some people here. I was so worried about doing this research cause I don't know how the precincts would feel about an 'outsider' snooping around."

"Nonsense! You're not an outsider. Plus Captain totally approves of that project. Whatever the hell that is. Anyway, come on, I'll show you around. First up, the best part of the precinct: the breakroom." Jake says, pulling Caroline to the direction of the breakroom.

"She hasn't changed one bit. She still runs after Jake like a little puppy." Says Gina while shaking her head slowly.

"What do you mean?" asks Amy.

"I remember when they were still working together, I'd be hanging out with Jake at Nana's apartment, the one where I live now, and she would just show up out of nowhere talking about work or something. Then she'd just stay there and hang out with us completely forgetting about the work thing. Jake kept saying they're just friends but I know there's something between them. Sometimes she would stay behind even after I left. I bet they hooked up a lot." With that, Gina left.

Charles turns to Amy with a worried look. "Are you okay?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Amy tells him, though she's not entirely sure if she is.

First on Caroline's To-Do list that day was to study about the 99's process when it comes to reports and paperwork, so Captain Holt assigned Amy to help her.

Amy loves talking about paperwork but for some reason, she feels uncomfortable about this task. But Caroline was actually really sweet and funny, so she started to slowly feel at ease.

"I'm so sorry. This is probably too tedious for you," Caroline tells Amy.

"No, not at all. I love paperwork. Like you have no idea."

"Really? That's so cool. Although Captain Holt did say that you're the best person for this task."

"Really? Captain Holt said that?"

But Caroline wasn't able to answer her cause she was too busy looking at Jake who just passed by engrossed in a case file.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?"

"You and Jake are pretty close huh?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Though, we weren't able to keep in touch after he was transferred. That's why I was so excited when I found out that he's here at the 99. I missed him a lot."

"Do you... like him?" Amy blurted out, immediately regretting her question.

"What? Oh god. Am I that obvious? Haha."

Well... Amy just shrugged.

"I.... do. Yeah. I've always liked him. Even before, when we're still working together. I just never thought I was his type. Do you think he'll like me back?"

Oh. "Um...." She didn't have any problem admitting it huh. If it's so easy for her why am I finding it so hard? Amy thought to herself.

"I'm sorry that's a stupid question. But.. do you know if he's single? Is he dating anybody? I mean, I was kinda hoping that maybe something could happen between us this time."

"Uh.. yeah... I think so. None.. that I know of."

"I'm so sorry about my silly questions. I should be focusing on my research. It's just that I think you guys are so close. And I felt super hopeful especially now that we're hanging out again. It's amazing. We're actually heading out for lunch. You wanna join us?"

"Oh. No... no... I'm fine. Thanks."

"You sure? Well, it's almost lunchtime, I'd better go check if he's ready to go. Thank you so much for your help."

"Sure thing. No problem at all."

"Okay, see you later."

Amy watched as she goes to Jake who immediately put down his case file and got ready to go. They left the precinct laughing at something, probably a clever joke that Caroline told him, while she just stared at them till the elevator doors closed.

-----------------------

The next day, Jake.. and Caroline are nowhere to be found. Amy hasn't seen them since she came to work this morning.

"They went on a date."

"What?! What are you talking about Boyle? Also, why are you sitting so close to me??" Amy tells Charles who's suddenly by her side.

"You're looking for Jake and Caroline, right? I'm pretty sure they went on a date last night. That's probably why they're coming in late today. I'm telling you, Amy, you should do something. I mean, I like Caroline but I like you better for Jake." Charles said with a wink.

"Okay, first of all... I'm not looking for them. Second, never ever wink at me again. And third, I'm not gonna do anything because I made up my mind and I would never date a cop again. Let him date Caroline if he wants to."

"Fine. If you're gonna choose to break your own heart, then fine." Charles tells her leaving her thinking once again. Is that what she's doing? Is she really breaking her own heart?

At around 10:30, they finally arrived together and Jake is carrying Caroline's bag.

Such a boyfriend move. Are they together now? This girl works fast. Amy thought to herself.

Gina who seems to be thinking the same thing as Amy is, went to Jake's desk while Caroline went straight to Captain Holt's office.

"So I guess, chivalry really is not dead huh?"

"Hmm? What's that now?" Jake asks her.

"You carrying her bag when you came to work together. I didn't know you were such a gentleman. Are you like this with all your girlfriends or just her?"

"What? No-no-no. I mean, of course, I'm a gentleman with my girlfriends, but Caroline is not my girlfriend. I'm just carrying her bag because it has the files about this 'confidential' project that we picked up from One Police Plaza this morning. I was hoping I could get a peek but I never got a chance. I am dying to know what this project is about!"

"You picked up the files for her?" Amy couldn't help but butt in.

"Well, I volunteered, but she wouldn't let me pick them up myself. So I just accompanied her this morning to get them. And when I saw that they look heavy, I saw an opportunity. So I offered to carry the bag but I never had the chance to take a look. She's watching it like a frigging hawk!"

Still a boyfriend move. I wonder if he’d carry my bag for me if it looks heavy. He probably would if I was his girlfriend. Which I’m not. Amy thought, once again imagining what might have been.

"Well, this has become a work story, I'm no longer interested. Buh-bye!" Gina says as she returns to her desk leaving the two of them staring at each other. And for some reason, things have suddenly become awkward again.

"Classic Gina," Jake tells her with a shrug and a shy smile.

"Yeah. So.... are you guys dating?" Amy asks him, unable to help herself. She just really wanted to know.

"Me and Caroline? No." Jake answered almost too quickly.

"Why not? I think she likes you."

"What? I mean, I dunno. I think she's great but I never really thought of her that way before."

"Maybe you should ask her out."

"Oh... You think so?" Jake looks genuinely surprised by what she said. And to be honest she's surprised by her own question as well. Maybe she really is breaking her own heart.

"Ooh! You think she'd tell me about the project if we end up being together?" Jake asks her.

"Jake!" Amy scolded him shaking her head at him. Though that actually made her smile a little bit. He's such an idiot sometimes.

"No. Yeah I know. That's such a dick move. But seriously... do you really think I should ask her out?" Jake asks her again but this time there's something in his eyes as he stares at her. Like he's looking for something. Confirmation maybe? Like he's asking her if that's what she really wants him to do.

"Mhmm. Yeah." Was all she could manage.

"Okay. Yeah.. maybe." Jake answered, much to Amy's dismay.

And they both fell silent after that. Focusing on their computer screens, trying to avoid the longing gaze from each other's eyes.

---------------

That night, Amy went out for drinks at Shaw's with the squad. Except for Jake and Caroline. Jake had to work on a case and Caroline kept him company. She cares for him a lot. She's really perfect for him.

But I can do that too. I also care for him a lot. I wanna be the one waiting for him while he works on a case. Maybe even help him cause we work so well together. I wanna be the one he comes to work with and the one he goes home with.

She's always wanted to be that person for him. When he broke up with Sophia, she saw that glimmer of hope once again. The feeling that something might happen between them. If she's being honest that feeling never really went away. She's just too scared to face it. Plus she's certain that his feelings for her were all gone now, after she turned him down twice because of Teddy. Though every once in a while they share a moment that makes her think maybe there's still something between them. But anytime that happens, one of them seems to pull back, too scared to jump in.

Amy tries to shake those thoughts away. Rosa finds her with her bottle of beer that's no longer cold.

"Hey. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Is it Jake? What's the matter with you two? Why are you not dating still? You both like each other. Just go out already."

"It's too complicated Rosa. Dating a cop is too messy. It could ruin everything like how it ruined everything with Teddy. I don't want that to happen between me and Jake. Plus there’s Caroline now. I’m sure he’s better off with her.”

"You're the only one that's making it complicated with your stupid rules. You keep pushing him away. Then you'll realize that you really like him. But then he's already with someone else. You guys are running around in circles. Now you're sitting here looking so lonely. You look pathetic."

"Gee. Thanks a lot."

"Look if you don't want to date Jake because it's 'too messy', maybe you should go out with someone else. That guy looks cute."

Rosa points to a guy sitting alone at the other side of the bar who does look kinda cute.

"Yeah. Maybe I should."

-----------------

It was Caroline's 3rd day at the 99 and Amy had to help her with some case files that she needed to study. There's only the two of them inside the evidence lock up and it was getting kinda awkward, for Amy that is, so she tried to start a conversation.

"So how's it going with you and Jake?" She couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Unfortunately, Jake was the only thing she can think of that they have in common.

"Oh... it's great. He finally asked me out. We're going on an actual date tonight." Caroline tells her.

She's so happy and giddy, Amy couldn't help but feel happy for her as well. Though she knows that a part of her wants to be in her place.

"I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, I really can't wait for tonight. I'm so excited."

Amy tried to give her the best smile she could muster.

When Amy went to the break room to get some coffee, she found Jake eating his breakfast.

"Hey" Jake greeted him awkwardly.

"Hey. Um.. so I heard you finally asked Caroline out."

"I did. Yeah."

"Great. Good for you." She can tell that Jake isn't comfortable talking about this either.

"Thanks."

"I'm also going out on a date tonight."

"Really?" Jake was genuinely surprised. And for a moment Amy thought that she saw a hint of something in his eyes. Is it sadness? Pain?

"Who's the unlucky guy?"

"Someone I met from the bar last night. He's actually really nice. We talked a lot. So he asked me out on a proper date."

"Well, good for you as well then. Did you check if he's a cop? You know, because of the rule."

"No. Yeah, I probably should do that. Better be safe, right? Haha."

"Well. Um.. have fun."

"Yeah, you too."

Truth is, she doesn't really have a date. She didn't even know the name of that guy from the bar. He was cute and he seemed great but she just couldn't find her interest in dating anyone else right now. She just said that to make Jake think that she's totally fine with him going out with Caroline. And that she's not regretting her stupid rule about not dating cops for even a second.

-------------------------

"So how's the date?" Amy asks Caroline the next morning.

"It was great. But..."

"But what?"

"Well.. he doesn't like me back."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"It was really great. We talked a lot the whole night. We laughed so much. It was fun really. But when the night was over and I tried to kiss him.. he didn't kiss me back."

"Oh god. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. He was actually really sweet about it. He apologized to me, and he said he was genuinely sorry. Said he thinks I'm amazing, but that he just couldn't find his interest in dating right now."

"He said that?"

"Yeah. But to be honest, I think he likes someone else."

"Really? Why would you think that?"

"I dunno. I just kinda felt it. Like he's longing for someone but he can't be with her and he just doesn't want to date anyone if it's not her."

"He told you this?"

"No. I don't think he'd ever tell me anything about it. But I can feel it. I can see it in his eyes."

They were both quiet for a while.

"Um... I don't know what to say. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." Caroline smiled at her.

Amy feels bad for her. She really does. But in a way, her heart feels light with relief to know that Jake doesn't want to date anyone else either.

When she went back to her desk, Jake was burrowed deep in paperwork. But he looked up when she sat down and smiled at her.

"Hey, so I heard the news from Caroline. What happened?" Amy asks Jake trying to find out what he's gonna say about it.

"I dunno. I guess I just realized that maybe you're right. Dating cops can be messy. I didn't want to ruin what we have." Jake shrugged.

"Right. Of course. No dating cops. The best rule, right?"

Jake stares at her for a while before answering. "Sure...Yeah."

Amy wanted to say something. She wants to take it back so badly. She wants to tell him that it's all bullshit and she doesn't care how messy it could get just as long as she's with him. But she didn't.

She doesn't know what's holding her back. Maybe she's too scared. She's never felt like this before. She's always been sure about her decisions. Always calculated every step. But with Jake, her entire system just seems to fall apart. It's so bizarre and it feels good but it's also so scary. Because for the first time in her life she's not sure what to do next.

They didn't say a word after that and just went back to focusing on the work in front of them. Trying not to think of what could have been if they were not cops working together and falling for each other. Or if they would just stop running around in circles.

[petertingle-yipyip]

This Feeling - Thomas

//Requested by rycbar-221b: heyyy! can i request a thomas (tmr) x reader fluff, where tommy and r were in love before the maze, and they meet again in the scorch and reader has a bunch of scars? so tommy asks what they were for and r reveals that jensen (aka ratface) tortured her after tommy’s betrayal bc they were in love, and lots of fluff anf angst and kisses plz thankyou//

//Tags: @rycbar-221b @writingsbychlo​ (bc i’ve decided to tag you in anything tommy that i post) // Warnings: Angst, brief language, alludes to violence, mentions and slight description of scars. Also, I did not edit this so please be nice//

Pairing: Thomas x Reader

Word Count: 2,800

Summary: She remembers, he doesn’t. When her story is too familiar to ignore, it’s hard for Thomas to place “This Feeling”. But something is different now. She’s different now.

He slammed his fist against the table, causing you to flinch. You clenched your fists, leaning your head against them for a moment before sitting tall and stretching your fingers. You stared down Janson, refusing to break first. You folded your hands neatly on the table, tilting your head slightly with a sly smirk climbing to your face.

“Did you really think I’d tell you anything?” You laughed. “What makes you think I knew anything about this?”

“You and Thomas were extremely close…” Janson said tensely. He quickly rubbed his mouth in frustration, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. “If you have nothing to say, maybe we need to jog your memory.”

“Do what you want.” You shrugged defiantly. “I don’t know anything.”

“We’ll see about that.” He said with finality.

As he stood, two guards came in and hauled you from your seat. They led you down hallway after hallway, down three sets of stairs to a level of the Compound you didn’t know existed. You were pushed into a dark room, pushed so suddenly you fell to your knees. A clattering came from beside you, and looking over you saw a long spear had been thrown at you.

The ground was slick with a thick substance, too thick to be water. Your feet slid as you stood. There was a faint blinking red light coming from the other side, the creek of a door opening. Suddenly, the room was full of a squelching sound mixed with the scrape of metal against concrete. There were screams, hollow monstrous noises that echoed. Quickly, you grabbed the spear and gripped it tightly. You weren’t prepared for what happened next.

“Y/N?” Harriet asked, shaking you gently. You jumped slightly, your head snapping up to see your friend. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” You nodded carefully, running your hand through your hair. “All good.”

“Found something you might wanna see.” She smiled mischievously as she led you out the building you and the rest of your friends had been camped out in. Most of your group stayed behind, feeling safe at WICKED’s compound. You saw through WICKED the moment you saw Janson.

You managed to break yourself out along with Harriet, Sonya, Aris, and a few others. Your group was small, which made it easier to hide. You found a building that was seemingly halted mid-construction, the tarps providing easy cover for you.

You came face to face with a group of about ten boys. Some were familiar, you had seen them at the Compound before you escaped with your friends. You scanned their faces, trying to remember names.

“WICKED?” You questioned simply.

“Group A.” Harriet replied with lifted brows.

“Ah.” You nodded, stepping closer to examine the boys. “Group A, huh? You don’t seem like a first group.”

“First the worst, second the best, maybe?” Harriet offered from behind you.

You laughed slightly before getting their attention.

“So which one of you are in charge?” You asked, nodding towards them. They looked between each other, seemingly having no chain of command. You stared with raised brows, waiting for an answer. “Do you speak English or…”

“Yeah, yeah sorry.” The brunette in front laughed nervously. You felt your heart slamming in your chest when he spoke. “I guess I’m in charge.”

“Alright.” You swallowed hard. “You got a name?”

“Thomas.”

“Thomas?” You questioned. “Do you, by any chance, remember anything before the Maze?”

You knew it wasn’t the question to ask right off the bat. Once it left your mouth, you instantly regretted it. But you had to know if there was a chance that he knew, a chance that your connection was strong enough.

“Things are coming back slowly but no, not really.” He studied your face as you stared at him. He watched your eyes shift from curiosity to disappointment. He could tell you were hoping to hear something else but he didn’t know what you were looking for. “Do you?”

“We’ll get to that later.” You waved a hand dismissively. “You boys can head inside. There’s not many of us but you’re more than welcome to stay.”

“Thanks.” Thomas offered a small but honest smile. 

As the boys filed in, Harriet pulled you to the side.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” She asked anxiously. “The one that you told us about?”

“Yeah, that’s him.” You shrugged. “Once he looked at me, I- I felt something, something I haven’t felt since I lost him… But it’s pointless if he doesn’t remember.”

“He will.” She comforted you. “Just give him a little time.”

“You’ve looked better, Y/N.” Janson said smugly from the other side of the table.

You glared at him, not offering any words. You felt your blood boiling in your veins, your muscles itching to act. Your jaw was tightly clenched, enough to give you a small headache. Your breathing was heavy, your anger hard to contain. But you bit back your cruel words.

“I have to say I am a bit surprised you made it.” Janson continued when you refused to speak. “Any recollection of why Thomas released classified files?”

“We all got expectations…” You said carefully. “Sometimes they go wrong. I have no information for you, Rat Man. Same as two days ago.”

“Hmm.” He sucked his teeth obnoxiously. “Fine. Let’s see how well you do in a second round.”

You stood suddenly, leaning onto the table. Your palms were flat against the cool metal, arms locked as you faced Janson. “If you really think whatever monster you have cooking down there will kill me, you’re gonna have to do better than that slime ball with the metal legs.”

“We can do much better, Y/N.” He threatened.

“You think that a scar on my face is going to break me?” You laughed slightly. A result from your fight was a long gash from your hairline to your chin, cutting through your left eyebrow and skipping over your eye. It picked up on your cheekbone and was a straight shot down. Every word from your mouth felt like it was reopening the fresh would, but you had a point to make. “In the end, it’s my decision. So it’s my fault when it ends.”

You woke that night in a cold sweat. Your hands were shaking, old scars pulsing. You let out a sigh, throwing your arm over your eyes. Sleep was harder to find, especially in the Scorch. It never felt safe, but you knew your friends were doing better than you. You were more concerned about them than yourself, so you kept your struggles to yourself.

You headed for the open space at the other side of the room. You didn’t know if it was supposed to be a window, or if it was just broken down when the world collapsed. You didn’t necessarily care either.

When you got there, one of the boys was already sitting near it. You sat opposite of him, offering a small smile in greeting.

“Need some company?” You said, leaning on the wall beside the opening.

He chuckled slightly. “Couldn’t sleep either?”

“I don’t know the last time I slept through the night, honestly.” You shrugged. “Different nightmare every night, always comes back to the same thing.”

“Need to talk about it?” He offered gently.

“You actually wanna listen?”

“I’d like to know your name first but yeah, I’ll listen.”

“Before the Mazes, there was this boy…” You started carefully. You decided to leave out the part about the boy being Thomas simply for the fact that he didn’t seem to recognize you. “He did something crazy that WICKED didn’t like, so they sent him off. They took their anger out on me and it kinda haunts me. I guess...”

“How bad was it?”

Thomas realized then who you were. He didn’t know if it was your story or your voice that triggered it for him, but something about you felt right. You were Y/N, the motivation for him to leave the Maze. The appeal of running into the Scorch. The deep, empty feeling in his chest when he was in the Maze. You were the name on the tip of his tongue, begging to be said out loud. You were the memory that danced on the edge of his mind, waiting for him to reach out and reclaim. And now you were sitting in front of him, admitting all your pain. Pain he put you through.

“Pretty bad.” You nodded slowly. “It was enough for WICKED to keep me in the Compound instead of sending me in.”

“You never went into a Maze?”

“Nah.” You shook your head. “Never had my memory wiped either. I remember everything about life before this.”

“That’s heavy.” He said sadly. “Is that how you got-” He gestured to his own face, mimicking the deep scar on your own. “That was probably not the right thing to say, sorry.”

“All your boys are curious, aren’t they?” You chuckled.

“Some more than others.”

“I’ll tell you a story before it tells itself.” You scooted closer to him, letting the moonlight illuminate your features. Thomas had forgotten how beautiful you were, and the hazy figure in his dreams didn’t do you justice. “WICKED needed someone to test their monsters. What did you guys call the creatures in the Maze?”

“Grievers.” Thomas said quietly. He was still trying to process the scars on your body, the permanent reminder of what WICKED did to you.

“I called them Skitters.” You continued. “Anyways, WICKED wanted them to be potentially deadly without being murderous, I guess. I never really understood why they needed them. But I guess they needed them to be able to fight and not just attack. Especially when you started to figure out the Maze.”

“You fought Grievers?” He asked in awe. “And you survived?”

“WICKED couldn’t let their favorite test dummy die so easily.” You laughed bleakly. When you saw the concerned expression Thomas wore, you had to quickly redirect the conversation. “So, Thomas. What was it like in your Maze?”

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry.” He said honestly, his eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head.

“Thomas?” You said to get his attention. He looked up quickly, apologetic eyes finding yours. “I never told you my name.”

“Yeah, you did.” He countered. “You said it…” He tried to remember, but he then realized you never did tell him. “Huh, guess not.” He smiled nervously.

“You know me, don’t you?” You pressed, inching forward.

“If I had known they were going to do that to you, I-”

“You couldn’t have.” You shook your head, planting yourself by his feet. “I didn’t even know they were going to do that. Once they shipped you off, they sent me into that fight within an hour. They told me think with my head, not that thing in my chest. They just wanted me to sell you out, to tell them the extent of what you did.”

“I don’t know what I did.”

“Nothing WICKED didn’t deserve.” You shrugged. “T, listen.”

“T?”

“Thomas.” You corrected yourself. “Everything that happened after you left- this -” You gestured to your face. “-had nothing to do with you. This was WICKED getting back at me because I cared about you. And if they couldn’t punish you, they’d punish me.”

“My point, Y/N, is that they never should’ve put hands on you.”

“Technically, they didn’t.” You said with a devilish smirk as an idea came to you. “But you can.”

Thomas chuckled, placing hands on your hips so he could pull you closer. You swung your leg over his lap, moving to straddle him. Your hands slid up his chest slowly before finding their way into his hair. Thomas closed his eyes and hummed in delight at your gentle, purposeful touch.

He didn’t even realize what he was missing without you. He didn’t realize how relaxing your touch was, how sweet your voice was. He had forgotten how truly beautiful you were, from every angle. Thomas was quick to decide his favorite angle was when you were on top of him.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours gently. You smiled against his lips, loving the contact you missed from him. His grip on your hips tightened slightly as he pulled you against him. Your fingers tugged gently on his hair, drawing a small groan from him. You chuckled slightly as his hands found their way up your shirt.

Thomas quickly jumped away, pulling his hands back after his fingers ghosted the deep circular scar on the center of your stomach. You stared in confusion, your feelings slightly hurt that he would pull away so suddenly. When you saw where his eyes were focused, you understood why he pulled away the way he did.

“You feel bad for me, don’t you?” You realized, your voice flattening. “Hold on to your opinions and stand by what you said.”

You knew what they had done to you was terrible and you hated WICKED for it. But the one thing you hated more than WICKED was pity. When Group B arrived at the Compound, a couple weeks after Thomas entered his Maze, you were littered with cuts and bruises you couldn’t hide. You didn’t want to hide your injuries, because  you weren’t ashamed of them. You always understood that they were purposeful, that you had fought and survived.

“I feel guilty, Y/N/N.” He sighed, casually using the nickname he had always used with you.

“Get up.” You said plainly, standing and heading outside. You heard the scuffling of Thomas following. You turned to face him once you were outside, pausing to admire him in the moonlight. “Why do you think I brought you out here?”

He shrugged slightly, his mouth open but failing to produce any sound.

“I brought you out here so you could actually see what happened to me.” You said simply. You pulled your shirt over your head, holding the fabric between tightly balled fists.

“Holy shit.” He sighed.

“Look at me, Thomas.” You said firmly when he tilted his eyes to the nightsky. “Look at me.”

“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He snapped, throwing his hands forward dramatically. “You don’t want me to apologize. You don’t want me to feel bad for you. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to look.” You stood firm until his eyes finally met yours. “I am covered in scars and bruises. You felt this one-” You pointed to your stomach. “-and you bailed. Why?”

“I wasn’t expecting it.” He tried to explain.

“I was stung.” You began explaining. “WICKED knew they had to up the ante with the serum, but they needed to see the effects before they could send it in. Once they cut my face and I didn’t give them any info, they wanted to break my mind.”

“Y/N, I-”

“No, this is the part where you listen.” You said firmly. “Alright? You don’t need to explain anything or try to come to terms with what happened to me. This is my story.”

“Then what is it about?” He cut in. “You just said that they did this to you because of what I did. But I don’t even know what I did! I don’t know how hurting you was supposed to be some sort of punishment for me!”

“This was a punishment for you, you moron.” You rolled your eyes.

“How does hurting you-”

“Because obviously seeing me like this hurts you!” You interjected. “God, Thomas, how are you so oblivious? WICKED didn’t do this because they wanted to leave me scarred and fucked up. I mean, they probably did, but the main point was that you’d eventually have to see me like this. You’d see it and blame yourself.”

Thomas stopped, pausing to digest your words. He realized that you were right. WICKED knew him better than he knew himself. WICKED knew Thomas would see your scars, feel your scars, and blame himself. WICKED wanted to hurt Thomas by guilt, by forcing him to look at the pain they caused you. He could tell that the scars didn’t bother you, not anymore at least. Maybe they did at some point, but that was long gone. Now, Thomas could tell that you saw your scars as a personal victory. WICKED wanted to break you, but they didn’t.

“Guess you won after all, huh?” Thomas offered a lopsided smirk, closing the distance between you. His hand landed on your hip and pulled you against him.

“You’re the one that I want.” You said calmly, any anger or annoyance you felt had melted when he flashed that smirk. “And if that’s really so wrong…”

“Then they don’t know what this feeling is like.”

[moistmailman]

Babysitter AU

Pyrrha, holding a 7 year old Weiss and Ruby in her arms: Look guys, can you at least try and get along today? For me?

Weiss, whining: But she's eating too many cookies!

Ruby, mouth full of cookies: No I'm not!

Weiss: Yes you are! You're getting crumbs everywhere!

Ruby, in fact, spitting out crumbs: Am not!

Weiss: Are too!

Ruby: Am not!

Weiss: Are too!

Ruby: IM NOT!

Weiss: ARE TOO!

Pyrrha, sighing: Look, why do you even care if Ruby eats too many cookies in the first place?

Weiss: Because the dunce might get a stomach ache if she eats too many!

Pyrrha:....so? Why do you care?

Weiss, awkwardly: Well because.....her tummy will hurt.

Pyrrha, smiling:.......

Weiss: W-what?

Pyrrha, cooing: Awww, are you worried about your friend Ruby?

Weiss, blushing: W-what?!

Pyrrha: You actually care about her, don't you?

Weiss, blushing more: N-no! I-its just that she is going to cry loudly of her tummy hur— H-HEY!

Ruby, hugging Weiss: AWWW! I CARE ABOUT YOU TOO, WEISSY!

Weiss, blushing: G-get off my, you dunce! Who d-do you think you are hugging me! Unhand me now!

Ruby, hugging tighter: But I wanna hug you!!!!!

Weiss: Ew! Gross. You're getting cookie crumbs everywhere! L-let go! P-pyrrha, help me!

Pyrrha: *giggles loudly*

Weiss, whining: PYRRRRRHA!

*a knock is heard at the door*

Pyrrha: Ope, I think that might be one of your sisters to pick you up. Be right back. *Stands up and leaves the room*

Weiss, trying to break free: Pyrrha! Come back here and help me! Pyrrha! PYRRHA!

Ruby, still hugging: Theres nothing wrong with hugging, Weissy!

Weiss: D-dont call me that!

Pyrrha, opening her door: Hello?

*Pyrrha opens the door to find a tall and older woman with white hair and piercing blue eyes, standing in an authority like stance*

Pyrrha, smiling: Oh, hello Winter.

Winter, bowing respectfully: Hello, Pyrrha. I hope your evening has been well.

Pyrrha, nodding: Oh it's been great. Thanks for asking.

Winter: Well that's fantastic. I assume my sister hasn't been giving you a hard time?

Pyrrha, chuckling: Oh heavens no. She's been an angel; maybe a little crabby though. But other than that, she's been fine.

Winter: Thats great to hear. Thanks for watching her by. You know, I really appreciate you being such a kind and sweet babysitter to my sister.

Pyrrha, modestly: Oh it's nothing to thank me for. I'm just doing what any other baby sitter would do.

Winter, chuckling: Thats honestly hard to believe. Weiss talks about you all the time. Talking about how sweet and amazing you are. She tells me how you are teaching her about spelling and other subjects. You are going beyond what a regular baby sitter would. And I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Pyrrha, smiling: No seriously, you don't need to thank me. Having Weiss around is always a pleasure. She's a bright and very sweet girl, even if her previous babysitter called her a brat all the time.

Winter: Well I'm still gonna. In fact, I think you deserve a little something too.

Pyrrha: What do you mean?

Winter, smiling: I have these reservations to this this beautiful restaurant, and I want to take you with me. It's for the golden clam.

Pyrrha, eyes widening: The Golden Clam? W-what? B-but that place is so expensive, Winter. I can't accept that.

Winter, smiling: But I want you too. You deserve it.

Pyrrha, slightly blushing: I-I don't k-know. T-this seems too much.

Winter: I promise that it's nothing, okay? I'm not even spending that much money. Now come on and let me award you for being such a great babysitter.

Pyrrha, hesitatingly:.....are you sure?

Winter: Yes, positive.

Pyrrha:......o-okay. I'll go.

Winter, smiling: Great. You won't regret it. I promise. The reservation is for this Friday night.

Pyrrha, nodding: Great. I can't wai— wait, this Friday night?

Winter: Yes, this Friday. Is there a problem?

Pyrrha, guiltily: Oh Winter, Im so sorry but I can't make it this Friday. I'm going to a concert with Yang.

Winter, gritting her teeth from the mentioned of the blond:......Yang you say? You're going to a concert with Yang?

Pyrrha: Yeah. She asked me this morning when she dropped Ruby off, apparently she had an extra ticket and gave it to me to not waste it.

Winter: Oh really? Well, isn’t that.....nice.....hmm.....so is it just going to be you two, or....

Pyrrha: Just us.

Winter: Wow, just you two? Man, that's....so she just so happened to had another ticket, huh? Isn’t that.....convenient.

Pyrrha: Yeah, I guess it is.

Winter, still gritting her teeth: Well that's just......wonderful.

Pyrrha:......Winter, are you alright?

Winter: Hmm? Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm all dandy. Don't worry.

Pyrrha: Oh okay. I really am sorry about this by the way. I feel really bad.

Winter: No no no, don't feel bad. I'm okay. I promise.

Pyrrha: If you say so. Anyway, allow me go get your sister for you. Be right back. *Enters her apartment*

Winter, growling under her breath: God damn it Xiao-Long! You little piece of—

???: Is that Winty I see?

Winter, under her breath: God damn it.

*Winter turns to see a tall buxom blonde swaying her way towards her with a smirk on*

Winter, annoyed: Hello Yang.

Yang, pouting: Awww, what's wrong, Winty? *Gasp* oh wait. I know that look anywhere. You just got rejected, didn't ya?

Winter, gritting her teeth: Shut up.

Yang: Man, that gotta suck now, doesn't it? So, what did you ask her out to?

Winter, sighing: If you just know....I had two reservations to....the Golden Clam.

Yang, laughing: Oh you gotta be shitting me! You must’ve wasted so much money!

Winter, gritting her teeth while trying to calm down:.......

Yang: You gotta be so pissed right now! So how does it feel, knowing that I have a date with Pyrrha? It's an awesome concert too. Does that bother you? Huh? Does it piss you off? Huh?

Winter, internally: Just ignore her. She's nothing to you. Don't let her get under your skin.

Yang: Hey, are you listening? Are you pissed? You look pissed? You look really pissed? Hey? Hey? Hey—

Winter, stomping: Okay, listen here you little harlot!

Yang: Oh ho ho ho~ I think you're mad.

Winter: I swear to God, Yang!

Yang: Why are you even after Pyrrha anyway? You're much older than her.

Winter: Im only 4 years older!

Yang, looking Winter up and down:......really?

Winter: Oh you lit—

Pyrrha, starting to walk out with Weiss: And here she is!

Winter, feigning excitement: —tle one right here. There you are, Weiss! *Ruffles Weiss's hair*

Pyrrha: Oh, hey Yang.

Yang, smiling: Heya, P money. Excited for the concert?

Pyrrha: I sure am. I'm sure it will be grand.

Yang: Me too. I was just telling Winter about it actually.

Pyrrha: Really?

Winter, smiling: Yep, she sure was. Hey, if you don't mind me asking, what concert are you going to?

Pyrrha: Oh it's uhm....*starts snapping fingers* Shoot, what was they called again?

Yang: The Achieve-Men. They're great, and sold out as well. So no one will be able to get in now. Nobody. *smirks*

Winter: *Growls under her breath*

Yang: Oh, and got front rows seat as well.

Pyrrha, nodding: Thas right. Seat 6 and 7 I believe?

Yang, nodding: Corecto, p money. So these seats are totally AMAZING! It's a shame you can't show up, Winter. Since you know....it's sold out.

Winter, clenching her fist: Yeah... It's a real....shame.....anyway, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: O-oh. You're leaving? O-okay. Bye.

Winter, picking up Weiss: Goodbye. *Starts to leave*

Yang, smiling: Well anyway, I'm here for the Rubster.

Pyrrha: Hmm? Oh, right. I'll be right back.

Winter, walking away: Hmm.... Seats six and seven huh?

Weiss, being carried: What?

Winter, smiling: Nothing, snowflake. *Pulls out scroll and dials a number in it before calling someone*.......hey Klein? I need a favor? Can you do some....research about a certain sold out concerts? I need to know who bought a certain ticket to it......great, thanks.

*days later, Friday night at the concert*

Yang, smiling: So, are you excited?

Pyrrha, smiling: Yeah, I kinda am. I've never been to a concert before.

Yang: Well I hope your first time will be unforgetta— wait, what the hell?!

Pyrrha, turning: Wha— Winter?

Winter, walking over to them: Hello you two. What are you doi— wait, are these your seats?

Yang, annoyed: Yeah! Remember, Pyrrha told you?

Winter: She did? Hmm, I must've forgetten.

Pyrrha: How did you get in here? I thought it was sold out.

Winter: Oh I pulled a few strings. Nothing too special. But hey, isn't this cool? I'm going to hang out with you two.

Pyrrha, smiling: Well that’s nice. Isn’t it, Yang?

Yang, gritting her teeth: Yeah, it's so....amazing!

*meanwhile*

Coco, on the phone: No Velvs, you don't understand! This rich chick walked up to me and paid me 20 grand for my concert ticket! Isn't that amazing?!.....I don't know how she I had a concert ticket. Who cares! I got 20 grand!

[goldenavenger02]

Peter Parker's Day Off

This story is for the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange and my giftee is @avengersincamphalfbloodstardis so I hope you like it!

Before anyone draws comparisons between this and the fic @marvelous-writer posted a few weeks ago, we've already gotten it worked out, so go read her fic after mine!

Editing and cover credits go to @clover-roseee!

And now, on with the story!

Peter groaned as he woke up, and tried to force himself awake as Morgan jumped the end of his bed again. "I'm up, Morg, I'm up," he replied as rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to sit up. His body and head felt heavy, and he had that general sick feeling, so despite how much Morgan's excitement tended to rub off on him, it didn't this time. In fact, Peter wasn't even sure how he could be excited when his chest was tight and his nose was so stuffed up.

Morgan didn't seem to pick up on how he was feeling, though. "Come on, Petey!" she instead insisted, before hopping off his bed and running out of his room. "Daddy's making blueberry pancakes before we go to the zoo!"

The trip to the zoo had been planned for weeks, and Pepper had even taken a day off to come with (which was a rarity in itself). May had gotten held up at the hospital, too, so it was perfect timing that he stayed with the Starks for the first week of spring break; but while he really wanted to see Morgan lose her mind over lions, tigers, and birds, he still couldn't shake the sick feeling from his body.

"Come on, Petey! Daddy's making blueberry pancakes before we go to the zoo!" She insisted before running out of his room, singing about the trip.

Grabbing his bathrobe off of his closet door, Peter wrapped it around his shoulders and tried to regain some body heat before shuffling down the stairs. The smell of pancakes hit him as he went into the hall, and he knew immediately that his senses were in overdrive.

When he finally made it to the dining room, Morgan was going over some facts she had learned about lions for a school project and Pepper was looking at the news on her phone, but looked up when she saw Peter sit at the table. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" she asked, upon seeing his pale face, and the thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

Peter started to respond, but instead let out a harsh cough into his elbow. That was enough of a reason for Pepper to get up from the table in search of the thermometer. Meanwhile, Morgan got up from her chair and ran into the kitchen area. "Daddy!" she exclaimed, "Petey's sick!"

Flipping the last few pancakes on to the large serving plate, Tony cleaned his hands with a dry washcloth and turned the stove off. Then, once that was done, he turned his attention to Peter and, with Morgan tagging along behind him, made his way over. "See!" Morgan repeated. "He's sick!"

"Yeah, I definitely see what you're talking about." Tony ruffled Morgan's hair before placing a hand against Peter's forehead. "And that's definitely a fever." He sighed before looking down at his daughter. "Sorry, Morguna. Looks like the zoo is gonna have to wait for a few days."

"But we have to go, Daddy!" Morgan fought back. "Mommy took the day off and everything!" Just as it looked like that Tony would have to deal with a tantrum at eight thirty in the morning, Pepper came back in the room with the ear thermometer and gently inserted it into Peter's ear. "Mommy, we have to go to the zoo!"

"Morgan's right," Peter agreed, receiving an enthusiastic grin from her. "I mean, you did take the day off to go with her to the zoo…"

Pepper looked skeptical. "I don't know. I don't feel comfortable leaving you here by yourself."

"Then how about Mr. Stark stays with me?" Peter proposed, taking a moment to cough into his elbow. Pepper, in return, placed a hand on his back. "You guys can send us pictures, and it'll feel like we're right there with you."

Pepper looked to her husband. "Tony? Are you okay with this?" she asked, as the thermometer beeped. She took it out and sighed when the reading revealed Peter had a temperature of 101.8. "Staying here with Peter?"

"'Course. I've got the spider kid, you two go have fun," Tony insisted, before leaning forward and kissing his wife's cheek. "Like he said, just send us lots of photos. Maybe let Morgan feed a giraffe while you're there, too."

Pepper broke apart from the kiss, and went over to grab her tote bag with her sunglasses, camera and Morgan's change purse full of nickels and pennies. "Alright, try and have a good day," she said, after slipping her shoes on. "Feel better, Peter."

Morgan ran up and hugged Tony tightly, and did the same to Peter before heading outside to the car, with Pepper following closely behind. When the car pulled out of the driveway, Tony turned to the resident sick kid. "So, how does crashing on the couch and watching some Star Wars sound?"

"Can we watch something else? I'm regretting getting Morgan obsessed with it," Peter spoke as he stood up from the table, trying to force the sudden headache that was building behind his eyes.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want," Tony insisted as Peter shuffled over to the couch and grabbed the remote. "We should probably get you some Tylenol, though."

Peter nodded, starting to scroll through Netflix. Since Morgan preferred Disney+, he knew he would probably find something he wasn't sick of on there. But his vision was going in in and out, and starting to get spotty, and he was fighting every bone in his body in order to stay awake.

Suddenly Tony appeared beside him, and Peter distantly wondered how he did it. "Here," he said, pouring three white tablets into Peter's right hand, and swapping the remote for a bottle of blue Gatorade with the other. "Take that, and go to bed, kid. I'll find something to watch, you look exhausted."

Dropping the pills into his mouth and washing it down with a swig of Gatorade, Peter wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his bathrobe before doing what he was told. Tony's taste in movies was often better than Morgan's or Pepper's anyway, so he let himself relax and, feeling a blanket being draped over him, allowed the music of whatever Tony had picked lull him to sleep.

•••

"So, what do you wanna see first?" Pepper asked her daughter, as the two climbed out of the car doors. They had spent a little over half an hour driving, and Pepper already had the online map on her phone all ready and set-up. Knowing her daughter, though, she'd probably want to see more of the cuddly animals first, before going to see the creepier ones.

"Hmm…" Morgan hummed and tilted her head as she thought. She definitely wanted to go see the lions, but she was also wondering if they had a penguin exhibit, and maybe a snake one, too. "I dont know! Can we go see the dolphins? Please?"

"Sure." Pepper smiled and gently grasped her daughter's hand in hers, before they made their way inside. "And then we'll go feed the giraffe, like your dad wanted to. Sound good?" She verbalized the plan, trying to make it stick in Morgan's head, but, in reality, she was just wanting to spend some much needed time with her daughter. It was always a rarity when she was able to take time off, and she wanted to make the most of it.

Morgan nodded, but the period of silence was broken by her stopping in front of the snake exhibit. "Mommy, look!" she shouted, bouncing on her heels giddily. "Can we look at these first? Please?"

"Of course." Pepper nodded, took her camera out of her bag, and watched as one of the exhibit employees, per Morgan's request, placed a boa constrictor around her shoulders. "Say cheese on three, sweetie!"

•••

When Peter woke up on the couch, he felt like he could barely breathe through his nose, and could feel the intensity of the pressure in his head. Then, sitting up, he glanced around the room, before trying to peer into the kitchen. "Mr. Stark?" he asked, the stuffiness having apparently spread to his voice with how nasally he sounded. "Are you here?"

"In the kitchen!" the stay at home dad called back. Sighing and flopping back on to the couch, Peter re-covered himself with the blanket Tony draped over him, before he heard a "Shit, that's hot!" and the man himself appeared in the doorway. "Okay," he announced, as he walked over to his sick kid, "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

Peter smirked. "What's the bad news?"

"Bad news," Tony explained, as he set a plate of soggy charcoal-coloured toast on the table, "is that I burnt your toast, and put too much butter on; so, it's kinda ruined now, kid."

Peter chuckled, as he sat up and, despite how terrible the toast looked, took a bite from it. 'At least Tony tried,' he thought. "And the good news?" he asked.

"The good news is that I ordered soup for later—don't look at me like that!—and that I did manage to make sure your Gatorade stayed cold," Tony said, as he set the half-full Gatorade on the coffee table, right beside where the plate previously was. Then, he had taken a seat near the sick teen's feet and patted his knee. "But, it doesn't matter now. How're you feeling, Pete?"

Peter sat up a bit to place the soggy toast beside the Gatorade, and laid back down against his pillows. "My head still hurts," he muttered, trying to warm himself up as he buried himself beneath the blanket, "'nd I've been kinda feeling sick. There's no other medicine I can take, right?"

Tony shook his head. "'Fraid not, kiddo. And, even if there was, I don't wanna give you mixed medications and have to take you to a hospital, so it's not gonna happen."

Peter groaned.

"But, what I can do is let you see all the pictures Pepper sent me of Morgan." Tony smiled as he pulled out his phone, and swiped on over to his 'Messages' section. "There's even one of her holding a boa constrictor, if you wanna see it."

Peter shook his head, remembering his very bad experience with a snake from years ago. "I think I'll pass on that," he said, before sitting up and glancing over Tony's shoulder. "But is there one of her with a penguin? Or a giraffe?"

Tony nodded, as he passed the phone over, and adjusted the two of them, so Peter was leaning against his side, with his head on his chest. "Oh, yeah," he replied. "Third and fifth one in. My personal favourites, though, are the ones with the sloths and otters."

In response, Peter yawned, and, after scrolling through all the photos, gave the phone back to Tony. He was getting exhausted again, and assumed, as he buried his head into his mentor's chest, that Tony had moved on to watching the videos Pepper had sent him, so he shut his eyes and allowed Morgan's excited squeals to lull him back into a peaceful sleep.

•••

"Alright, honey," Pepper said, smiling, as she fished Morgan's change purse out of her tote bag, "you can pick one thing out from the gift shop, and then we're going to head home." She held her daughter's hand as they approached the small gift shop, located back at the entrance. She was thankful she hadn't lost her daughter when they were visiting the exhibits, but if there was one place where she would lose her, then it was definitely the gift shop.

Morgan took her change purse from her mother's hand, and looked up at her, pleadingly. "Can I get something for Petey, too?" she asked with her adorable, wide eyes. "He's sick and we can get something to make him feel better!"

"Nothing fragile," Pepper negotiated, "and nothing made of glass. Otherwise, you can go nuts and get whatever you want. Deal?" She held her hand up for a high five.

"Deal!" Morgan exclaimed excitedly, as she returned the high-five. Unfortunately, Morgan was five, and that meant she was still rather small, so the high-five ended up being one of those off-beat ones, where they missed each other and ended up mostly slapping the air instead. Pepper still smiled, though, and watched as Morgan made a B-line for the stuffed animals.

'That's a good idea,' she thought to herself. 'Peter would probably prefer cuddling one of those instead of a rubber snake, anyway.'

•••

"Daddy, Daddy, we're home!" Morgan announced, a little over forty-five minutes later, before she slipped off her shoes and bright yellow leather rainjacket at the door. Then, she had resumed running into the kitchen, where she wrapped her arms around her dad's legs. "Mommy and I saw penguins, and sloths, I got to hold a snake!"

Setting down the knife he was using to chop up the peppers and celery, Tony had then dried his hands with a washcloth, before turning and giving his full attention to his daughter. "That's great, Morguna," he replied, as he kneeled down to her level and planted a small kiss atop her head. "But you'll have to tell me everything when Peter wakes up, okay? He still doesn't feel so good, and he needs a lot of rest to get better."

"Okay!" Morgan agreed, happily, before she pulled a grey and white ovaloid object out of her little purse. "We got him a penguin!" She exclaimed, enthusiastically bouncing on her heels once more. "Do you think he'll like it? I hope he likes it!"

Tony nodded, as he ran his hand through his daughter's messy brown hair. "I'm sure he'll love it, Morguna."

"Now, go wash your hands, okay?" Pepper said, as she came up behind her daughter and gently nudged her towards the bathroom. In response, Morgan did as she was told, and Pepper took that chance to heave the groceries up on to the counter, and started putting them away. "Morgan insisted we get juice pops for Peter," she explained, as she opened the freezer and stuffed the box of popsicles inside. "How did things go at home today?"

"Pretty good. He's gotten a bit better since you guys left, but he told me he was feeling sick, so we'll have to keep an eye on him tonight."

"Alright." Pepper smiled and put up the last of the groceries before turning to her husband. "I'm gonna sit in there till dinner is ready." She planted a quick kiss against Tony's cheek before sitting in the armchair that was beside the couch Peter was asleep on, and started to go through some files on her laptop. Days off were always a rarity for her, so she wanted to transfer the photos to her phone, so she could look at them while she was at work.

She looked up when she heard a rustling noise, only to see Morgan come in with the stuffed penguin and put it under Peter's right arm before climbing on the couch and curling up next to him. Watching as Peter unconsciously wrapped his left arm around Morgan, Pepper smiled and waited until her daughter's eyes closed to take a picture.

She'd be thanked, later.

[crowdedimagines]

Vegas - David Dobrik

word count: 1773 an// some of this is told back in footage so just pay attention to context clues.

I can no longer say that I’ve been to Vegas with the vlog squad on one hand. David flipped a coin to see if we would all go to Las Vegas. It landed heads and that’s how I ended up sitting on a plane.

“You’re crazy sometimes, you know that right.” I turn my head slightly to David’s direction.

“What? Who doesn’t love a spontaneous trip to Vegas?” He puts on his smug smile that I’ve grown used to seeing.

I roll my eyes. I did not know when I started dating David that my life would be like this. I won’t admit it to him, but I love how crazy it is.

“I love spontaneity, I didn’t even get to pack a bag though!” I laugh.  

“We’ll just buy clothes there.”

Shortly after that we land and make it to our hotel at the Palms. We got the huge suite that practically takes up an entire floor. We always get this place and trash it.

David films a montage of the room and we head down to the casino. Health loses money quickly. We all decide to go to a club instead. As soon as we get there they give us bottle service for being influencers.

“This place is crazy.” I shout, leaning over to David so he can hear me.

“I know!”

“I’m gonna head out to the dancefloor. Wanna join?” I smirk, knowing that he’s not going to go out and dance. At least without some liquid fuel.

“Maybe later.”

I press a kiss to his cheek and go out and find the part of our group that’s already out here. We dance for a while, until I can’t keep myself up anymore.

“Hey, baby.” David greets.

I set myself down on his lap, taking the drink out of his hand.

“Thirsty?” He asks with a laugh after I finished it for him.

“Very. It’s hot out there.” I nod back to the dancefloor behind me.

I order another drink once a waitress walks by and David does the same. The one drink turns into a second, and then a third, and then David and I stop counting. It’s enough though that I can drag David out to dance with me.

Everything starts to get hazy and I can’t remember much of what’s going on. I remember David. Drinks? Dancing? What else happened?

“Fuck.” I hear a voice groan, successfully waking me up.

I peek my eyes open and regret it immediately. The sun is blinding, the pounding headache is increasing in pain. Fuck. I hate hangovers.

“David?” I groan, looking over to see him blocking the light too. At least he seems to be in just as much pain as I am.

“What happened last night?” My voice is a whisper, talking normally would be too loud.

“I have no fucking clue. We both blacked out?” He asks, turning to look at me.

“Apparently.”

I press my hands against my face to try and relieve any pain from my head. I’m unsuccessful when something foreign and hard presses against my face.

“What the fuck?” I mumble, pull my hand away to look at it. A ring. A sparkly ring that sits on my left hand.

“David.” I say, grabbing his attention.

“Hmm?” He picks his head up slightly from his pillow.

“What the hell is this?” I hold up my hand in his direction.

“Is that-Is that a wedding ring?” He sits up know, both of our hangovers are forgotten now.

He reaches out to inspect my ring closer. In the process I scan his hand only to find a band on his finger as well.

“David.” I point to the ring that’s on his finger.

We both sit in silence for several moments.

“This has to be a joke right?” I ask, laughing without humor.

“I have no clue.”

“Let’s go ask someone. There’s no way that everyone blacked out.”

I flip off the sheet and discover that both of us are completely naked. Lovely, drunk sex. I’m sure that that was a trainwreck.

We step out into the rest of the room. It’s trashed. Clothes, glasses, and food are sprawled all over the place. A surprising addition is the wedding decorations.

“Oh my god.” I point to the signs and paper wedding bells all over the place.

“What the fuck did we do?” David whispers.

Wordlessly, we pull each other in for a long hug. We don’t say anything, we’re just both so confused. How could something like this happen?

“I had my camera last night! I must’ve filmed something.” David and I rush back to our room and find his camera laying haphazardly on the dresser. Right away he plugs it into his laptop and pulls up the footage from last night. It starts with us at the club, progressively us getting more and more hammered.

“I don’t remember anything past this.” I say, “After us dancing, it’s all a blank.”

“Me too.”

We keep watching and it’s mostly the group doing dumb shenanigans. We roam the streets, stumbling over our own feet. The footage cuts again and starts up with David and I talking to the camera.

“Guess what brilliant idea we had?” I ask talking to the camera, it’s evident how drunk I am with how much my words slur.

“We’re getting married!” David yells loudly.

“They didn’t have time to guess.” I lightly slap him on the chest.

“We’re getting married!” David repeats, too excited to care that I wanted it to be a surprise.

“We are.” I agree, I lean in for a sloppy kiss.

The next bit of footage someone else must be filming. The whole group who came to Vegas is standing in a small chapel. David is standing at the end of the aisle, barely able to stand straight.

I can hear Heath muttering so he must be the one filming.

“They are going to be so pissed tomorrow morning.”  Heath says with a loud laugh.

I start walking down the aisle, still wearing my club dress but with the addition of a white vail. Classy. The ceremony is hardy ten words each, but I have a feeling it’s enough to be legally binding.

“We’re married, we’re married!” I cheer skipping back with David, arm in arm.

David dips me again and our group screams with cheers.

After that the screen just goes black.

I turn and look to David so I can see his reaction. Most surprisingly, he has a small smile on his face.

“Are you smiling?” I ask, a small smile growing on my face too.

“Yeah, kinda.” He laughs.

“You think that it’s funny that we blacked out in Vegas and got married?” I ask, laughing lightly as I explain it.

“Yeah, I do actually.” He shuts his laptop and pulls me onto his lap. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always.” I run a hand through his hair as he starts his story.

“The ring on your finger-” He takes me hand in his to look at it, “I bought it months ago. I’ve been waiting for the right time to ask you to be my wife. I didn’t not think this would be how, but lets give this a go.”

“Y/n, I have loved you as long as I have known you. You have so easily become the most important thing in my life. I always want you to be mine. I want to marry you, in front of our families and all of our friends. I want to marry you, completely sober and give you my vows to love you forever. Will you marry me, Y/n? Again?”

I let out a small laugh before nodding.

“Of course, I’ll marry you.” I pull him in for a kiss, “Again.”

We spend the rest of the morning together in each others embrace. Neither of us want to go out and face them, leave our little bubble. David and I are married. I can’t get over it, he’s mine. We may have had a Vegas marriage, but I don’t care.

Finally though, we do leave our room and face the crowd.

“It’s the newlyweds!” Zane yells loudly.

“If it isn’t Mr. and Mrs. Dobrik.”

We both blush at all of the attention.

“Yeah yeah, we got married last night.” I shrug and sit down at the table with everyone. I grab a bagel and everyone just stares at me, shocked I’m so calm.

“Are you okay?” Erin asks with concern.

“Yeah, David and I love each other. We’re going to get married. Eventually.” David steps forward and wraps his arms around my neck.

“And we’re going to do it right.” David agrees.

David and I discover there’s no point in trying to hide it from the fans. Everyone was posting in on their stories last night. We all decide to head home and leave for the airport. It was a short time spent in Vegas, but it was a good time.

David and I settle into our seats on the plane.

“Well, at least you got your best vlog out of it.” I laugh, twisting my ring around my finger.

“Yeah.” David laughs to agree.

“I can’t believe we’re married.” I grin before pulling David’s hand into mine.

“I’m really glad it happened now actually.”

“Why?”

“Because it takes off all of the pressure for our ceremony with family later. We’ll already be married.” He presses a kiss to my temple.

“Oh my god, you know what this means?” I ask, getting excited.

“What?”

“We can leave the country! You’re my husband! Fuck Trump, he can’t keep you out now.”

David lets out a loud laugh, drawing the attention of several other passengers.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Where do you want to go first now that you have your freedom back?” I ask, running a hand through his hair while he thinks. “Mexico? Costa Rica? Bora Bora?

“Can I bring you home? Like my first home?” He asks, a nervous yet excited smile on his face.

“Slovakia?” I ask, grinning ear to ear while he nods.

“Only if you start speaking Slovak to me.” I tease.

“Oh, god. My wife is so annoying.” David fakes a complaint.

“Something she must have in common with my husband.”

“Oh I’m sure.” He rolls his eyes.

“This whole marriage thing is going to be fun.” I rest my head against David’s shoulder.

“Well that’s good, we’re going to be doing it for the rest of our lives.”

[kinkymagnus]

hmm let's talk more about twi Malec, like there's just so many endless possibilities

any specifics? no? just kidding, you can’t respond, this is an ask! okay, i’m just gonna throw some random twi malec shit out here then

twi magnus…..hes soft. but also. i feel like since he’s got more Repression™ than canon magnus he’s like WAY WILDER. 

canon magnus a few months into them boning: hey alexander wanna tie me up? ;) 

twi magnus a few months into them boning: hey so i have potion that will give you magical tentacles to tie me up and fuck me with?

(obviously this isn’t just out of nowhere or anything but im saying while they’re both kinky twi magnus is surprisingly a little more shameless when it comes to sex things.) 

twi alec. is HORNY. so horny. canon alec? pretty horny. twi alec? MAXIMUM HORNY. good thing, too, because twi magnus hasn’t been fucked in a few centuries and that has BUILT UP. 

they bone a LOT 

also imagine: twi alec and shitty one-liners/pick-up lines and bad jokes

twi alec says, completely deadpan, “want me to take you to the Bone Zone?” and twi magnus first is like “i am, frankly, horrified and disgusted” but can’t stop himself from laughing (especially once alec is laughing at the cute little face he makes with the scrunchy nose, and it’s so contagious magnus can’t help but laugh too) 

i have a line in one of my twi fics where magnus basically says something like (jokingly/playfully!) “you’re pretty full of yourself, huh?” and alec responds “how you’d like to be full of me, too?” and magnus giggles and it’s ADORABLE AND THAT LINE IS JUST SO FUCKING TWI MALEC TO ME OKAY?

also twi magnus is not innocent of pun crimes. no magnus is innocent of pun crimes. 

twi magnus: [makes a cute bad pun] [wiggles eyebrow a bit] 

twi alec: that was terrible. that was a real stinker. what the fuck.

twi magnus, every goddamn time: gonna PUNish me? ;D

twi alec can and will cook breakfast in bed for his boyfriend

magnus, sleepily blinking: hng? 

alec, with pancakes and eggs and bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice: hey babe :) decided to surprise you :) it’s “i love my boyfriend” day

magnus, still half asleep: ufck did iforget something i dont have anytihnf oryoutgfckkk

alec: oh no babe “i love my boyfriend” day is every day because i always lvoe you and i just decided to do something nice for you :)

magnus: did the dream about wearing acid washed jeans keep you up again?

alec, shuddering: they’re so ugly

okay but seriously he’d totally just be sappy and make magnus breakfast and stuff

and magnus is like “i can make u a sweet dreams potion?”

MAGIC REVEAL does not get TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH. STILL. 

possibility one: alec walks in on magnus making a bunch of chores do themselves fantasia style and is like. uh. what the FUCK. and all the dishes drop to the floor and magnus honestly looks so SCARED that alec’s heart breaks a little even tho he’s also trying to process how confused he is and magnus stutters out something about not being a monster and may or not may not be descending into a panic attack because he’d been so careful for so long not to reveal the truth to ANYONE, only like three people know who and what he is that he actually talks to in the world and a mundane finding out is not good much less his wonderful boyfriend who’ll LEAVE HIM and HATE HIM and he’s–he’s–and alec’s like. oh fuck that. and hugs him like hey it’s okay i’m really confused and i hope you explain later but you could literally never be a monster, especially not for floating some dishes,

possibility two: magnus, scared shitless, tells him, but alec always knew. i love this shit. alec’s just like “babe. babe you weren’t subtle.” because magnus has got a lot of really powerful magic and he’s only jst learning to control it again and it’s waking up, like having a foot that’s been asleep for a long time waking up except if the foot changed the color of the wallpaper when it sneezed and glowed when it was happy. this metaphor broke down. you get the idea. 

there are more possibilities but im tired

ok but when magnus’s magic is revealed. magnus is like. 1. ecstatic to give alec lots of little magical gifts like a little enchanted pendant with protective charms and a magic candy (like a chocolate frog, just a fun little thing that would make him laugh) and the sweet dreams potion and so on. 2. kind of expecting like. he’s more than willing to give, but he kind of lowkey expects alec to like. expect it. to expect magical solutions to his problems. magnus can do the dishes with a wave of his hand, he kind of expects to do the dishes every time now that alec knows he can do that. but alec’s like “what are you doing” “…magic? we’ve gone over this” “yeah but it’s my turn” and magnus is like “i can just do it with a wave of my hand” and alec’s like “you think i dont notice how you collapse in my arms for cuddling and end up dozing off every time? it takes energy. and even if it didn’t we still share the workload even if you can do something easier you don’t have to do everything for me” and magnus is lik,,e,,e,,e,e??? oh. 

like alec appreciates him and is so loving and wonderful and thankful for things magnus does give him but he doesn’t let magnus indulge in the tendency to put everyone else first and take on all the work? he doesn’t take magnus’s magic for granted? 

it’s great

nsfw detour!!! 

twi magnus gets RAWED

u kno how i said that twi magnus is horny and wild? and also lonely and has not had a good hard fuck in possibly over a century? 

magnus has an extensive toy collection.

many, many dildos and vibrators. nipple clamps, magic toys that can fuck him or tie him up… and it’s like all different sizes, types, materials, uses… some costumes and stuff that he bought for himself because they make him feel good/pretty but he doesn’t wear that often because it feels shameful or weird to do by himself.

alec definitely teases him senseless. ties him up and presses the vibrator to his clit until he’s crying, rolling it around and applying pressure and then taking it away again, stimulating his whole clit without mercy

or those. i dont know what they’re called, they suck (literally, not as in “this is bad/this sucks”) and make ur clit/nipples get swollen and sensitive? yes.

fuck his pussy AND ass with various dildos and toys of different sizes and shapes :)) 

sometimes at the same time :))))) 

y’all alec recording him or taking pictures. making him feel so deliciously exposed and watched. amazing and iconic 

also: public sex. twi malec can have fun too

it’s not right away, i feel like twi magnus would be more into things like overstimulation and getting recorded than being fucked in front of people. he still loves the latter, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more canon magnus’s thing? he’s more used to like… showing off ;)

but when magnus does feel confident enough to try that (baby steps–alec groping/teasing him in public, maybe fooling around in a vip booth at pandemonium or its equivalent, until he’s ready to be fucked properly and god once he is, once he lets go, it’s so amazing

he’s used to hiding, hiding under layers both literal and metaphorical, and here he is totally exposed and vulnerable but 1. he’s being taken care of and he’s safe and alec is just making him feel so good, kind of like, forcing himself to express how good he feels and not hide it, making him scream and cry and beg and love it, 2. he’s just? being admired? worshiped? there is nothing demeaning about this, it couldn’t be further from it, he’s exposed and people are fucking basking in it. he looks beautiful, he looks goddamn stunning, he looks fucking amazing and everyone wants to watch and touch and alec’s there holding him and loving him,,, aAAHHh

twi alec becomes immortal, no one can change my mind.

twi magnus: i love you but……i’m…i’m immortal

twi alec: oh. that…. ok.twi magnus, sad: it’s okay… i understand if you want to l–twi alec: become immortal to be with you? oh good i know it’s kind of a dedication considering i haven’t even proposed to you yet–twi magnus: yet? wait-

obviously twi alec doesn’t just completely jump into this with no consideration but look. look. he loves magnus so much, and anyway, it’s not like immortality doesn’t hold any appeal for him anyway. yeah, he knows it’s harder than it sounds, but like, there’s so much potential in things he could learn and do and see, and he could do it all WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. he could NOT leave him behind when he’s been left so many times before. he has hesitations, but like, in the end he chooses immortality and he doesn’t ever regret it

it’s like that stardust quote. “ I imagine [immortality] would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.” LDKJFLKGJHG YEAH BITCH THAT’S MALEC

also angst: magnus is like. at first. actually against the idea. and alec’s kinda like. hurt/confused/upset. and then magnus explains that if alec’s mortal, magnus will lose him to death–maybe sooner if alec leaves him, but it’s like a letting go thing, it’s inevitable. but if he’s immortal? all of magnus’s immortal lovers… they get tired of him. they get bored. they get annoyed. they stay with him, maybe they’re even in love, for a few years, or if he’s lucky, decades. but eventually they always leave. they drift apart first, they might suggest seeing other people. but they always leave. if alec’s mortal, his leaving is inevitable even tho it will break magnus’s heart. if he’s immortal, then it will inevitably be a choice, and it will shatter him all the more.

of course, magnus wouldn’t stop him even if he was very staunchly against it, it’s alec’s life, but like. he’s worried.

and worse, it’s not just that, but like. once alec grows tired of him, because he will, everyone does, once alec decides he made the wrong choice… he can’t take it back. if it’s soon enough, all his friends and family will be old, and he’ll be forever young, even if he is able to become mortal again it won’t be the same. and if it’s later, they’ll all be dead. magnus doesn’t doubt his ability to make new friends, of course, but the idea of alec regretting his choice, leaving him and being alone or feeling alone, of alec being out in the world lasting forever because of him, cursed with that same lonely immortality magnus has? that thought hurts more than anything, causing alec his type of pain.

so alec is like. no. NO. what the fuck i’m not. i’m not going to grow SICK of you, i’d never be tired of you, or–bored? REALLY? of you? what the fuck. your past lovers suck.

to be clear not every single one of magnus’s exes suck, but they all did leave him in some shape way or form, or else they wouldn’t be exes. you feel. i mean, he’s still friends with dot but it’s been centuries and we dont know what happened between then and now? idk man let me have that angst ok

eventually alec can convince magnus that he’s not leaving and he loves magnus and it’s okay but that little doubt niggles at the back of his head you know? 

on their hundred year anniversary alec kisses him senseless and says “still not bored of you”

same with every other anniversary, but especially the big century ones

they don’t ever break up. they have fights, some worse than others, it’s not perfect, but they always find their way back to each other and communicate and mend their wounds

twi malec cuddling during thunderstorms, thank you.

magnus curled in alec’s arms, face buried in his shoulder

alec’s arms around him

yes

ok but look. twi alec being social media savvy. 

(note: i have never used instagram and i am MAKING SHIT UP.)

alec with an instagram. he’s out here taking pictures of his sweet adorable boyfriend. he’s got a decent number of followers but it goes up a LOT when he starts dating magnus because holy shit who’s this cutie? and then someone finds those god-awful cringey commercials that i still insist magnus made on a dare he lost PLEASE he’s a dork but REALLY?, and they’re like WAIT THIS IS THAT PSYCHIC GUY FROM THE MEME COMMERCIAL WOW HE’S DORKY CUTE AND HOT? and magnus is like (hides face) oh my god

why does this make me think of a twi malec youtuber au–no no no NOT RIGHT NOW

[thesoundofnat]

Intertwined

Tony/Steve/Bucky

Summary: “Steve, I don’t mean to alarm you, but I think Bucky is trying to seduce me.”

(Or, Steve and Tony are a thing and then Bucky comes back and ruins it and settles down with Steve and starts... flirting with Tony too?)

A/N: I literally wrote this whole thing for the last scene. A bit of Civil War discourse and how I hope things go down after Endgame (aka everyone lives). Nothing super graphic, but the sexual tension is, well, rather high. I’m truly hitting every trope here. Quite a bit of angst in the first half.

Thank you to @pattrochillles for reading through the unfinished thing and coming up with ways to make it better!

Words: 4k

It was funny. One moment you were getting so close to a guy that you almost considered this a pre-dating, pre-fucking sort of skirting around the subject kind of flirting. The next his old boyfriend or whatever came back from the past and ripped the two of you apart.

Tony didn’t find it funny, though. Not even close.

“He’s my friend.”

“So was I.”

Steve had known Tony was so much more than a friend, once, but it hadn’t been that simple. And apparently reminding him of their bond hadn’t been enough anyway, so Tony was definitely relieved no proper feelings had been brought into the mix.

Truly, no feelings at all, if Steve’s behavior was any indication.

The thing was, no one talked about the time after something big had gone down, whether it had been good or bad. No one talked about how you walked around, weary, restless, unsure of how to act. Of what to do. How all those emotions that had surged through you had left you exhausted. Drained.

Tony fled. He had no other word for it. Went into hiding on an island no one else had access to and licked his not so hypothetical wounds for a while. Only contacting Rhodey and Pepper to tell them he was alive, still.

And then they needed him back. Quite literally gave him no choice but to return since the world was about to go to shit. Again.

Tony didn’t get a chance to talk to Steve before ending up in space - stranded, having watched almost everyone turn to dust - and as he lay there slowly dying his mind kept telling him that maybe things would’ve been different if he’d only been on Steve’s side.

Which was illogical. Neither of them could have calculated this.

But still.

After they’d defeated Thanos and put everything back in its place and Tony was back on Earth, avoiding anyone became so much trickier, since no one was allowing him to escape this time.

Literally no one was letting anyone out of their sight.

When you were faced with whatever the hell Tony was faced with, you became an expert on never being alone with the person you’d rather run away from. It was quite useful and so fucking obvious.

“Wouldn’t it be easier if the two of you kissed and made up?” Natasha asked him one day, her words having come with no prelude and probably no interlude.

Tony shifted his weight. “What difference would it make? What’s done is done.”

“So stop avoiding him. Both of them. Shake hands and move on, if you don’t think it matters.”

She knew it mattered to him. She knew how much it had hurt him. But she wouldn’t let him act as if everything was all peachy without a challenge. Tony both love and hated her for it.

Tony wasn’t the one who approached them first, though. Apparently Natasha was less patient when it came to the team and had talked to Steve too, or so he assumed.

“Do you think we’re too stubborn for our own good?” was his opening line. Tony hadn’t expected him to beg on his knees for forgiveness, but he really hadn’t expected him to be so blunt about it all either.

Tony crossed his arms, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter. “Depends on the situation.”

“You know what situation I mean.”

“Maybe you should specify.”

Steve winced. Not visibly, but Tony knew his signs. Knew he wished Tony would just accept his words and move on by the way he slumped his shoulders.

Well, too bad, Rogers.

They stared at each other in silence, Steve not having entered the room fully, as if afraid. Tony terrified to move. Still not sure how to act around the man that had once meant so much to him.

Still did, really.

“I realize I might not have acted in the most rational way,” Steve finally said. Not an apology, but a start.

“You don’t regret it,” Tony added, saying what he wasn’t.

“I regret hurting you.”

“But? It was worth it, right? You’d do it again?”

Steve was biting his lower lip, a nervous tic. Looking seconds away from running away. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well, I didn’t want to get stranded in space, but you know what? I couldn’t control it.”

“Tony.”

“Don’t. I don’t want to hear what you have to say.” He pushed himself away from the counter, wishing he was taller. “Nat said we should shake hands and move on.” Kiss and make up. “Can we just do that?”

“You won’t let me explain?”

“No need. I get why you did what you did.”

“You do?”

“Sure. I just wish you hadn’t.” He held out his hand. “Truce?”

Steve regarded him. “Only if it’s for good.”

“That’s up to you, dollface.” He had no fucking idea why he’d just called him that, but sure. Subtle. Fantastic.

Steve took his hands. They didn’t shake. “I really am sorry, you know.”

“Oh, was that an apology?” Tony felt himself soften. “So am I. Whatever. Let’s never talk about this again.”

He let go, shouldered his way past Steve out of the room, and suddenly things felt a little lighter. Not better. Not easier. Just lighter.

The rest needed time.

*

“I’m assuming the two of you are on good terms again,” Rhodey mumbled, eyebrows raised as Tony downed the glass of water Steve had randomly brought him.

Tony twirled the glass in his hands. “He can hear you, you know. Super hearing.”

“I don’t really care.”

“Yes. We are. It’s- well, slow. But we’re working on it.”

“Good.”

“Is it?”

“Like you said. Super hearing.”

Tony snorted. “It’s all right. We’re all right.”

“So have you talked to him?”

It took Tony a moment to realize he didn’t mean Steve. “No.”

“Are you going to?”

“Not if I can help it.”

“Tones. You know none of this was his fault.”

“Still not too keen on looking my parents’ killer in the eyes, however little control he might’ve had.”

“I get that, but-”

“Look, I- I know he didn’t- it wasn’t-”

“Breathe, Tony.”

“I just can’t look at the person he chose over me right now.”

Rhodey was nodding. “Okay.”

Steve had heard him. Of course he had. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe it would keep him from making the stupid decision to properly introduce them.

Only Barnes apparently had a mind of his own this time around. Funny how that worked.

*

They held their first proper conversation in Tony’s lab, Bucky having wandered down there without letting him know first, metal arm malfunctioning.

“They say you’re the man to go to for this,” he said, his voice so fucking uncertain Tony felt himself unable to react at first.

“Sure am,” he finally said. “Have a seat. What’s the problem?”

Bucky moved quickly, seating himself within seconds before him. “It’s just… well, not obeying me like it should be.”

Tony hummed, reaching for a screwdriver. “Elaborate.”

“If I go to grab something it might take me a few tries before I’m able to.”

“Got it.”

“You can fix it?”

“Of course. Won’t take too long either.”

“Will it hurt?”

A question so simple and juvenile that Tony had to look at him again. A man that had been through hell and back was worried about this hurting. It… well, Tony wasn’t sure what he was to label his emotions as, but he felt close to tears.

“No,” he said, voice lower than before. “You won’t feel a thing.”

Bucky was chewing on his cheek as Tony set to work. Tony only knew because he had to stop and look at him every other minute or so to make sure it was still okay. To make sure he wasn’t adding to what had already been more than the guy had probably bargained for.

“You’re good at this,” Bucky said after a while. “I mean, I assume. I wouldn’t know.”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “No, you’re right. A whole life of practicing does that to you.”

“Humble.”

“A realist.”

“I’m not sure why they’ve all painted you in such a deceiving light,” Bucky said, moving his fingers when Tony indicated it.

“What do they say?” he asked, even though he knew.

“That you’re conceited.”

“I can be.”

“I think it’s a persona.”

“You do, huh.”

“I know enough about you to know it’s not always easy being Tony Stark.”

“I don’t think it’s so easy being Bucky Barnes either.” He put the screwdriver down. “I guess they got us both wrong.”

Tony really hadn’t expected a strange friendship to form after that night, but he had a quite big record of getting close to the entirely wrong people.

This time it was mostly because he really couldn’t avoid either of them and instead had to watch them fall deeper and deeper in love. A love they probably had never fallen out of. Cool. Not heartbreaking at all.

“You wanna watch a movie with us?”

Tony looked up from his pad, half-empty plate sitting forgotten beside him. “Hmm?”

“Movie. With us. Me and Buck, that is. You in?”

“It depends on the movie, dollface.”

Tony had kept the nickname. Mostly as a joke, but he liked the way Steve’s lips twitched whenever he used it. Maybe he’d use it in front of Bucky one day purely to see his reaction. Maybe he needed a nickname of his own.

Steve grabbed his wrist. “Don’t make me force you.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Will you drag me to the living room?”

“I might carry you.”

“Prove it.”

Tony hadn’t expected him to actually do it, but seconds later he was hanging over the giant’s shoulder, laughing despite himself. Not even able to fake indignation as they journeyed through the rooms.

“He challenged me,” Steve said, and Tony could hear Bucky laugh. “I had to.”

“Maybe you should put him down.”

Tony poked Steve’s shoulder blade. “Yeah, dollface. Put me down.”

“Make me.”

“The blood is going to my head and to be frank I kinda need my brain to be functioning.”

“Not for the movie Steve picked out.”

“Wow. Ganging up on me? Really?”

“Oh no. What movie did you pick?”

“It seems good!”

“It seems horrible.”

Steve dumped Tony on the couch, finally, but mostly to go bicker about the movie with Bucky like an old married couple. Tony wondered if they’d miss him if he left.

“Tony, tell him it’s good.”

Tony glanced at the screen. “I couldn’t say. I haven’t seen it.”

“As good a time to watch it now as ever.”

Tony could picture it. Steve and Bucky sitting side by side, Tony discarded somewhere all on his own. The two of them talking throughout the entire movie and not letting Tony join. Him suffering for two hours purely to appease Steve’s sudden need to hang out.

But they put him in the middle and talked to him too. It was kind of sad how surprised he was by the whole thing.

“I might not know much about acting,” Bucky said, arm and hip and thigh touching Tony’s. “But I would say the acting is awful. Well done, Steve.”

Steve reached over him to give Bucky’s abdomen a slap. “Don’t be a movie snob.”

“Don’t need to be to recognize a lack of talent.”

“Have you guys seen The Room?” Tony asked, not look at either of them. “It’s fucking awful. The script. The acting. All of it. And yet it’s a cult film and loved by many.” He slid down the couch a bit. “Things don’t need to be good to be considered classics.”

Bucky bumped his shoulder into him. “Can we watch it next?”

“Don’t get mad if you don’t like it. I think it’s a movie you appreciate after the experience is over.”

He was so utterly aware of how close they were. Of how good Steve smelled and how badly he wanted to pull him closer. It was strange, though. In his current fantasy they weren’t alone.

They watched the next half hour in silence.

“Is this a common thing?” Bucky asked when, seemingly out of nowhere, the main couple slept with their mutual friend, the three of them doing such a poor job of moaning and grinding and distracting Tony so much he almost didn’t realize Bucky was speaking to him.

“It’s not uncommon,” Tony said. “But I don’t think it happens super often. Usually the protocol is to not sleep with someone either of you know unless you want jealousy to get involved.”

Bucky hummed. “So they’re being stupid.”

“Statistically? Yep.”

“Emotionally?” That was Steve.

Tony shrugged. “Depends.”

“On?”

“If they can work it out afterward.”

*

It was subtle, but Tony was about 99% certain Steve and Bucky were flirting with him. Sometimes separately, which was a whole thing in itself, but mostly together, and he fucking hated them for messing with his head.

He hated himself more for liking it so much.

A comment from Steve sent him back to the era before Bucky was in their lives, and it took Tony a moment to process the fact that these comments shouldn’t be happening anymore.

“What did you say?” he asked, confused. Sure he’d misheard.

Repeating the flirty comment was awkward for both of them, though Tony didn’t mind the timid look that crossed Steve’s face, and at least he knew he hadn’t made it all up.

But.

What the fuck.

They weren’t supposed to be doing that anymore.

He watched them make breakfast together, moving around each other and handing cups and grabbing bowls and being so disgustingly domestic that Tony wanted to strangle them both. It could partly be because he’d only taken one sip of his coffee so far and they both looked too happy for the hour.

It could very well be for entirely different reasons too.

“You want breakfast, Tony?”

He twirled the cup in his hand. “No thanks.”

“Come on, you have to eat.”

Bucky was more of a mother bear than Steve. It was astounding. “I’ll live.”

He tilted his head at him, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “All right, grump.”

Tony snorted. “Now you need your own nickname. Is Bucky Bear all right? Or do you want something pretty like Steve’s dollface?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Honestly, in this uncaffeinated state? Neither do I.”

“Breakfast it is then,” Bucky decided, setting a bowl of cereal down before him a moment later. “Can’t have you talking nonsense, sugar.”

Sugar. Jesus.

Steve had been silent throughout their entire interaction. Tony refused to look at him.

Bucky grabbed his shoulder, kneading it once. “Eat. You’ll feel more human.”

Tony hummed. “If you say so.”

Bucky pressed his thumb into his skin again. “You’re tense.”

“Life of a mechanic.”

“Someone should take care of that for you.”

Tony gave himself three seconds to change his mind before saying, “Is that an offer?”

“Maybe. Steve’s much better at it than me though.”

Somehow it didn’t feel like a reminder that Bucky was taken. Somehow, it felt like an arrangement.

Tony looked at Steve, finally. “Is that so?”

The emergency alarm started blaring before Steve got to reply. Because of course.

*

“You know it’s extremely obvious that you’re observing them, right?”

Tony glanced up at Nat. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You seemed busy.”

“Are you a spy or something.”

She sat next to him on the couch. “Something like that.”

They both watched Steve and Bucky for a moment; the late evening sun giving them a golden tint where they were sitting by the window. Tony wished he could hear what they were talking about, but this was the closest he could get without being overly apparent about it. Not that it mattered. Natasha had him all figured out.

“It’s complicated,” she said, voice so low Tony wasn’t sure she was talking to him.

“Complicated.”

“Everything is.”

“It wasn’t before.”

Nat tilted her head at him, a silent urge to elaborate.

“It used to be as easy as breathing.”

“You’ve done a whole lot to ensure you can breathe easily again, Stark.”

He turned back to them. “My point exactly.”

“What’s your deal, then?” she asked, hand on his arm out of nowhere. “With them, I mean.”

“Them?”

“I can tell it’s not just about Steve anymore.”

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in that, did I?”

“You have a choice in how to proceed.”

“Not with them.”

“They’ve practically wrapped the choice in a bow and handed it to you.”

Tony pointed at her. “This weird metaphorical talk doesn’t work, Romanoff.”

“With you? Yes, it does.”

“Why with me?”

“Because it’s the only way to get you to actually talk about it.”

That woman. Making him both love and hate her with a passion after every interaction.

*

Bucky was handsome. Tony couldn’t pretend he’d just noticed, but it was the first time it made him ache for something more from those lips. A smile just for him, and then some. It was confusing to say the least.

“They look good together,” he told Rhodey one day. “They’d have pretty babies.”

“Am I supposed to acknowledge what you just said?”

“Nah.”

“Okay.”

Tony finished his coffee. “Just putting it out there.”

“Pretty babies, huh?”

It had been hours since he’d said that, but Tony knew exactly what Bucky was talking about. “Am I wrong?”

“Scientifically speaking?”

“Don’t science a scientist, Barnes.”

Bucky laughed. A lovely sound. “Just wanted to make sure I heard correctly,” he said, hand very deliberately brushing against Tony’s knuckles.

“Fuck your stupid superhearing.”

“Hey now. I can think of much better ways to utilize that term.”

Tony honest to god stumbled over his words after that. Bucky’s smirk was ingrained in his brain. His words affecting entirely different parts.

*

“Steve, I don’t mean to alarm you, but I think Bucky is trying to seduce me.”

Tony was three days into his sleepless isolation disguised as being productive in the lab when those words left his mouth without his permission.

Steve, looking fully awake despite the fact that Tony had run into him in the early hours of the morning when everyone else was still asleep, raised an eyebrow at him. He didn’t even seem surprised. “In what way?”

Tony shook his head. “He’s just being so- touchy feely, I guess. And saying things I cannot interpret in any other way, but maybe I’m just horny and self centered.”

Steve snorted, his face coloring in a way Tony adored. “Jesus, Tony. Blunt much.”

“Sorry, I forgot I’m speaking to a purist.”

“I’m far from a purist.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You could.”

Tony blinked. “I need you to not speak in riddles, Rogers. Especially now. My mind’s not at its strongest.”

Steve grabbed his wrist and Tony almost had a heart attack until he said, “Time for bed. You might look good in many things, but delirious exhaustion isn’t one of them.”

Tony put his free hand on Steve’s chest. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you’re flirting with me.”

“Go to bed, Tony.”

“Will you join?”

“Not right now.”

“Shame. You look good after your morning run. All sweaty and almost flushed.”

“Bed. Now.”

Maybe that was for the best, because Tony regretted the whole interaction the moment he woke up that afternoon.

Those two would be the death of him.

“Feeling better?” Steve asked when he walked into the kitchen to find him and Bucky cooking dinner.

“Did everyone else move out of the tower without telling me?” was Tony’s reply. “Because wherever I turn I only see you two. In a literal sense.”

“As opposed to what?” Bucky asked, something dancing in his eyes that made Tony more flustered than he was prepared for.

“Nothing. Shut up.”

“You nervous, Stark?”

“Leave him alone, Buck. He told me he thinks you’re trying to seduce him.”

“So what if I am?”

“I wouldn’t be able to allow you to do that without me.”

“No one’s stopping you from joining, dollface.”

Steve grinned at Tony. “He stole your nickname for me.”

“What are you gonna do about it, sugar?”

Tony was absolutely certain he was still dreaming. “Excuse me,” he said, turned his back to them and left.

*

They found him in the absolute worst situation he’d ever been in. After rushing down to his lab again, Tony had decided to jump into the task he’d been putting off for days now purely to distract himself, and thus he’d ended up entirely intertwined with the cables he’d been trying to untangle. He honestly didn’t even know how.

Of all the days he’d decided to not use his suit to do something.

They entered after he’d been hanging there for about ten minutes, making the situation worse and worse the more he tried to get loose. They crouched down to get to his level, neither of them speaking for a moment.

Tony finally said, “This doesn’t leave this room.”

Bucky grabbed one of the cords. “How the hell did you end up like this, sugar?”

“Don’t ask. A little help would be nice, though, as much as it hurts my pride to ask.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged glances. “Actually,” Steve started. “I think this is the best time for us to talk about a few things without you running off.”

“You have a tendency to avoid topics that make you uncomfortable,” Bucky added. “Though I reckon we haven’t been entirely outspoken about this either until recently.”

Tony pulled at his trapped arms. “I really wanna get down from here now please and thank you.”

“Give us a moment.”

“Steve, I swear to god.”

Steve cupped his face. “Please listen. Please.”

Tony swallowed his reply. Hated himself for leaning into the touch.

“Steve,” Bucky said. “You wanna start?”

“What I had with both of you was unfinished,” Steve said, as if this was the easiest thing for him to discuss. “I would like to not go my entire life wondering what would happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like you, Tony. I like Bucky too.”

Bucky placed his hand behind Tony’s neck. Partly for support. Partly for things Tony couldn’t properly think about. “I like you. And I like Steve. I want you both.”

Tony couldn’t breathe.

“I guess what we want to know is how you feel about this all,” Bucky continued. “I know it’s not been an easy ride, but- well, we would like to try. If you’d let us.”

“No pressure, of course,” Steve said, running his thumb over Tony’s cheek. “I guess we can’t really know, but we get the impression you’re into us both too.”

Tony turned his face away. “Get me out of here.”

“Tony-”

“Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.”

It took them five painfully silent minutes, but Tony was finally able to stand up, kicking the cords away from him with too much force than was necessary.

Steve said, “Tony,” but Tony silenced him with his lips, their teeth clashing hard enough that it hurt, but Tony found he didn’t care. Didn’t have the time to care right now. This kiss was months overdue and Tony was a starving man.

Steve kissed him back hungrily, arms wrapped around him and nails almost digging into his back. As if he’d been just as desperate this entire time. As if there was no one but Tony.

Bucky touched Tony’s lower back from behind and Tony broke the kiss to come face to face with him. “Jealous?”

“More like feeling very left out,” Bucky said, his voice low.

“Come here, then.”

Bucky kissed him slowly, but there was something wild beneath it. Tony was certain he would pick him up and pin him against a wall if Tony asked him to.

Kinda hot. Maybe later. He had a feeling they would do a lot of things later, the three of them.

[gayasianminimalist]

Dear Future Deanna,

You are about to go off to college, and afterwards starting your great big life. Therefore you may never see this message future Deanna. But I won’t lose hope because maybe you’ll have this with you without knowing it. Anyways, good luck in college, hope you make the most of it because you only get once chance in college. Make good choices, but at the same time take some risks or else you will forever regret not being bold. It’s okay if you make any mistakes because I’m sure you’ll learn from them and become better. And another thing future Deanna, live in the moment and don’t think too far ahead.

-Deanna Wong   June 1, 2015

Dear past Deanna,

Well 2 years later I managed to find this mini notebook and see what I wrote to myself awhile back. Past Deanna, I have certainly made some mistakes and done things I couldn’t imagine myself doing 2 years ago! I have met some of the most important people in my life these past couple years, especially this past school year. I hit the gym pretty often which is a very necessary thing in my life but I don’t exactly have access to a gym at the moment. I’ll make do this summer with @ home exercises and probably running in the mornings hopefully starting tomorrow. I  kind of hit a big wall at the end of my 1st year at UCSD, I failed 2 classes and passed with a B and I’m waiting to take the other class still. My gpa definitely tanked but now I have above a 3.0 again which is my goal gpa to maintain for the rest of my years here. I see my handwriting hasn’t changed too much so I’ve reached my max as far as writing legibility. I’m cleaning out my desk right now and there are definitely a lot of old Deanna history hidden in these drawings. Hmm so I’ve left my college journal at school, but I only wrote in it probably twice this whole school year. Way to keep record of what’s happening. So something that has definitely changed my life was starting my rave life. EDM really has had an impact on me and I decided to give ecstasy a go. It is quite the euphoria, but in great moderation. Gave me the happiest feeling in the world. I’m so glad my friends have been gracious enough to let me have this experience. So I’m not saying drugs are good, but they’re sure really fun. This past spring quarter I tried shrooms and that trip definitely gave me one of the weirdest days of my life. Everything just felt sort of off, but I saw everything a bit differently visually. And then more often than not I had those nights of being drunk, stoned, or crossed af. Like I knocked out pretty hard on some nights. Next year I definitely need some self control over these type of nights. IDK if my body can handle such tough treatment anymore. Anyways I joined a frat, and now I have 2 littles in my frat. They’re super cool but I need to find a way to connect all of us next year because they’re kinda polar opposites. I don’t wanna think about this too hard though so I’ll just continue on this much needed spheal. Also an update on my love life: non-existent. I’ve been single for a solid 20 years since I’ve been alive. Also I’m 20 what... how dis happen. Going off on a tangent, I think I have found that photos are very important to me. All the memories I have captured, I can’t even begin with how blessed I feel forever with such great memories. I would say my second year of college was definitely better than my first year. I wanna stop here past Deanna since I’ve given you the gist of my college thus far. Now to write to future Deanna again.

-Deanna Wong    July 12, 2017

Dear Future Deanna, 

So what past Deanna said, keep living in the moment, take lots of pictures, and make more new friends, but remember to keep your old ones. Maybe try dating someone before the end of college, or not but you need a person in your life I think, or maybe I’m wrong and it’s better that you’re independent all through college. Whatever happens, happens. Also keep living your healthy life, go gym, hike, eat right, and so on. And don’t feel so bad on not so good days, stress eating gets to everyone. Try to say no to people, you can’t be influenced all the time. Otherwise you’ll never learn to have things your way. You can be helpful to people too, but sometimes you should make sure you get your own shit together first. I think you have all the tools needed to succeed in the rest of college and life, so make your choices wisely.

-Deanna Wong   July 13, 2017

Dear past Deanna, 

I think I’ve gotten college life down, better than my first 2 years for sure. I still am making mistakes though, kind of had some bad incidents as far as my behavior record with UCSD, but on my way to fixing that. Nothing that’ll put me on hold for graduating, I just have to deal with business and this should all be over next quarter. Long story short I passed out at an on campus event and I have some consequences to deal with but it’s all on me, I have to fix things. On the bright side, everything in my academics are right again. Above a 3.0 and I am on track to graduate by next spring. It’s really hard to write into this tiny notebook. I’m writing very intensely I’m sweating a little. It’s also not the coolest temperature. Sacramento brings the heat. In terms of my social/party life, this past year of college, and within the last quarter, has exceeded my first 2 years. Well part of the reason has been because I turned 21 this year. Legal drinking is a whole new game. You would think I can control myself at this point, but I still can’t some nights. I’ve definitely opted out of drinking a lot more this year. Self-control is getting better. A lot of seniors I grew close to this year are graduated now. It makes me really sad but I need to learn to get through this year without them. They are all going on their own paths for the future, and I wish them all the best and to visit me next year! My love life got a little bit spicier this year, but nothing drastic happened where I need to announce it. Still no girlfriend and I really want to have one more and more. Still actively using dating apps. Well just more recently since its summer now and I don’t have much else to do. Just trying to recharge myself mentally. I think a lot of things that happened this year has given me a bit of a mental drain. I think i actually like attention but I may have gotten more than I need for a year. My 21st birthday is the most extra day I’ve had in my life. Everything was funny, everyone was dressed up, and there were a lot of gifts. The best thing was all my friends being there just to celebrate my friend Nat and I turning on year older. Like it shouldn’t be that huge of a deal, but it became a big deal just because we wanted it to be. This really should be more of advice for future me like the 2 past me’s, so I’m gonna do that instead of blabbing about my life. i’m supposed to do that somewhere else. Alright it’s there, peace past me.

-Deanna Wong   July 5, 2018

Dear Future Deanna,

Not sure what to say. Well if past Deanna has been able to accomplish all she has up to now, future Deanna can keep up this level of excelling life plus more. You’re literally about to enter the actual adult world after this year. You need to figure out your plan even if you don’t want to. You gotta make moves to get where you want. Such as staying home or moving out as soon as possible. Get a woman, it’s time to be more proactive about your love life because if you don’t make moves, no one’s gonna do it for you. Maybe tell people how you actually feel if you feel for them. Still have to take risks. I don’t think past Deanna has taken any REAL risks. Like a risk that makes you sweat and super anxious beforehand but could be very worth it. But you’ve always had a logical side, so maybe listen to it if it’ll make your life better in the long run. I’ll continue later but I have to eat first. You are your own grown ass adult now, speak up for what you want. You can’t let other people dictate your outcome of situations. Take control of you situation. Take control of your situation. Be a good friend. You’ve gotten better at it by leaps and bounds, but there’s always room for self-improvement. Be appreciative of how far you’ve come. Don’t beat yourself too much, you still tend to do this from time to time. Take your own advices? I don’t think you’ve had to apply this yet, but you could try giving yourself a few pointers. Keep yourself tidy. Clean your room more often when you’re at school. Things pile up, and a cleaner space tends to give you a clearer mind. Keep in touch with those you don’t see as often. You tend to spend all your time with one group of people instead of reaching out more. This is why you don’t see some people enough. Develop this skill now and it’ll translate in the future. I think I’ll keep it to this for now, you’ll gain more wisdom as you endeavor into your final months at UCSD. Stay lit, stay safe, and be you. :)

-Deanna Wong   7/30/18

This is just some back and forth between myself that I had for the first 3 years of my college life. I’ll save my last year for another post. I feel like between each year I had some improvements, but a lot of the stupid stuff I did more or less are from all my non-sober nights in college. It’s kind of the same thing over and over but just with different people and different circumstances. Looking back at everything now, I’ve really become a lot more of a stable person. I don’t regret a single moment of undergrad. Although I find it really strange I felt like I needed to have a girlfriend at some point. I honestly with so occupied with my own life that I really did not need to add someone else to the equation. And even now I’m still kind of ok with my independence, maybe a bit too ok with my independence. I think honestly the right person will just come at the right time. I really think I need to give the meeting someone in the real world a shot. Well not now since California is in a lockdown but after this pans over I’ll try to go out there and find the love of my life. 

Stay safe out there y’all and don’t go spreading too many germs. I’m out gonna be raving in my house haha.

[jessica-amber-lynne-fraser]

Sam heughan(Jamie) x reader

Chapter 3

“Well then I hope you don’t mind sharing a bed with me because it seems that neither one of us will be forfeiting this room...” Sam said with an all too smug little smirk on his face.

Hmm so he wants to play it that way huh? Well then GAME ON!

“Ok but let me warn you, you won’t last a night.” I smirked. “Oh and one more thing I don’t always clean up what I mess up...”

So I walked out of the room and went down the hallway to get my luggage and headed back in. I unpacked everything while Sam was exploring the manor some more.

I had one drawer full of my bra’s and panties. And I found a huge walk-in closet! I placed my hot mess sexy dress into a secret compartment. I then began to hang up the rest of my clothes. It was almost 9 o’clock so I took my shower and put on my lace bra and underwear. Then I proceeded to put on my silken robe.

And pretended to be asleep. That’s when I heard the door open and close softly. I heard him shifting around and felt him lay down on the bed with me. I could somehow sense him relax. So I rolled over on my right side so I faced him. I began murmuring in my “sleep”.

I laid my hand across his chest and softly murmured his name. I could feel his heart rate pick up the pace. I pressed my body closer to his. I heard him mutter quite a few strings of curse words.

***I pretended to moan his name and I swear I felt him squirm.

“Christ.” He whispered

Suddenly he got up and went in the bathroom and I heard the shower running.

I got up right behind him, and stopped, leaning against the bathroom door.

“This must be the wildest dream yet.” I said ‘sleepily’

He was in the middle of taking his boxers off.

“Uh Jessica this isn’t a dream..” he backed up nervously.

“Oh all my crushes say that in my dreams so that’s another sign that it is a dream, oh Sam I have to tell you and I’m being honest wether this is real or not... I REALLY like you not as a friend but romantically and I swear if this is real I’m so never going to even talk about this because it’s kinda embarrassing for me to say this aloud...” I said smiling sauntering over to him putting my hand on his chest.

“Umm Jess what are you doing?!” He said shakily.

“What does it look like, Sam?” I laughed. “This IS a dream after all. One in which I hope never to wake up from. Because I know the real you would never be able to see me as anything but a friend and housemate. The real you has a bunch of women at your beck and call. While I’m sitting over here waiting for my Prince Charming to appear.., and I know that it sounds stupid but I believe that he’s out there. And I’ll wait as long as I have to...... well good night Sam I suppose I’ll go to sleep and when I wake up I’ll know it was a dream...” I sighed and walked back to the bed.

Sam proceeded in taking a shower and I imagine it was a cold one. That night he never came back to bed. But when I woke up he was on the bed looking at me.

“Good morning, how did you sleep?” I yawned.

“I slept well what about you?”

“Yeah me too just had a CRAZY dream is all. I hope that dream never comes true...” I sigh and get up.

“What was it about?!”

I stopped in my tracks. And turned around slowly.

“Why do you wanna know?!” I asked my voice quivering. I sighed then sat down on the bed. “It.. it was about me and... y-you. Umm... I uh told you how I felt about a certain topic.” I said standing back up.

“What topic?”

“Nothing it... it’s not your business to worry about anyway...” I said grabbing a pair of clothes and heading to the bathroom.

***I changed into my outfit and ran to the dining hall for some breakfast to my surprise everything was new (food-wise). So I began making breakfast for the both of us.

I thought ‘ why not make a good homemade American style breakfast for the both of us and maybe we could do a Scottish breakfast tomorrow! ‘

So I began making scrambled eggs, bacon, French toast, biscuits, pancakes and some sweet tea and my special Nutrition Blend.

I also began slicing a few apples and put them n the side of our plates. An hour later the dishes were done. I had everything set on the table. One might think this was a breakfast for a family. But I just made a bit of everything because I didn’t know what he would prefer. Just as I was setting out the condiments Sam came into the dining hall. And stood there in shock for what seemed to be at least 5 minutes (actually 15 seconds) before he spoke.

“Wow how did you do all this by yourself in lessons than a hour?!” He said still standing.

“Please sit. Just think of this as an apology for yesterday afternoon. I was being very inconsiderate... and my guard was up, so I was being defensive. But that’s no excuse for my actions.” I said wholeheartedly.

“How do I know this isn’t a trick?! How about this, you taste test a bite of everything and then I will believe you.” He said suspiciously.

“Fine that is a reasonable negotiation.” I taste rested everything like he asked. “See everything is fine.”

“Hmm.. alright I believe you, don’t make me regret this...” Sam said taking a bite then filling his plate. I poured some of my Nutrition Blend in my cup. Then he asked me what it was.

“This is my favorite Nutrition Blend. Homemade recipe. One banana, two tablespoons of peanut butter, 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, 2 cups of milk, and some ice. Then blend! It’s that easy and no added sugars or flavors!” I said excitedly about my recipe.

“May I have some?” He asked.

“Of course help yourself to anything on the table!” I exclaimed happily.

After the meal I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Whilst doing so, Sam asked me how I knew he liked ketchup with his Scrambled eggs.

I just shrugged it off.

-later around lunchtime-

*Sam’s p.o.v*

I looked around the manor for Jessica but to no avail I couldn’t find her. So I decided she could be in town. I did my morning run and decided to run to town. After all I have to keep in good shape for my profession.

I soon arrived and I immediately began looking for her. I hope she didn’t get lost. I’d get reprimanded by my superiors in the agency.

Suddenly I see her at the stables. It’s looks like she has some special bond with the horses...

[kateis-cakeis]

Finding Help

You know, sometimes it really hits me how in the beginning of catws, Steve was looking for help and perhaps seeing if he could get out.

And because of the events of catws, he can’t escape fighting. He has to search for Bucky, he has to fight Ultron, he has to protect Bucky and fight against the UN and against a friend, he’s on the run and still helping the world, he fights in the battle for the universe.

So! I’m gonna go into analysis mode and dissect Steve at the beginning of catws!

First off, we all know how this movies starts. With Mr Steve ‘I can run 13 miles in 30 minutes’ Rogers meeting Sam Wilson. Which… I firmly believe is absolutely not an accident. And, of course, Sam clocks on that Steve might not be managing. He goes straight into therapist mode, asking about ‘the defrosting thing’ and his bed.

I feel like Sam mentions the bed because Steve came straight out of the ice, having just been in the middle of the war. Not to mention, it’s been two years. We don’t know if his conditions are similar in SHIELD, when on missions, but it seems Steve still hasn’t adjusted, giving his opinion on his bed being like a marshmallow.

When Steve talks about the present he doesn’t sound, sincere. He’s still trying to find his place (and Sam totally notices that). The one thing that he does seem glad about is the food situation. And talking about there being no polio is obvious, but it’s just been told to him. He doesn’t know. It’s history. The internet too, he uses the kind of language I’d expect from an older person. “I've been reading that a lot trying to catch up” means, ‘I’ve been reading the internet’. Like, not info on the internet. Like, not going on websites to read. No, he’s been reading the actual internet. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I talk.

He clearly has not adjusted, at all.

Then he goes on the mission. Says he’s sick of being Fury’s janitor. He feels used. He proceeds to jump out of the plane without a parachute at such a speed and height that hitting the water would break every bone in his body as he hit the stuff like it was concrete. But, no, he’s fineee, he’s a super soldier. That’s totally not suicidal behaviour, Steve.

AND THE STRIKE TEAM ARE USED TO IT!! Like this is what they expect. Steve is not okay. (Plus, there’s the dark joke he makes about his barbershop quartet being dead. That’s not a Steve joke, that’s a depression joke).

And when he fights Batroc, he puts his SHIELD away because the guy called him out over the shield? Oh yeah, Steve, that seems safe and totally not dodgy. It’s like he still has something to prove, probably part of the fact he hasn’t adjusted, (and that he might wanna die).

When it turns out Natasha had a different mission, he naturally goes off it. He’s losing faith in SHIELD, if he hasn’t already lost it. Half the reason he stays is because Peggy founded it. That’s a big portion, and hardly a valid reason for staying.

When he sees Project Insight, he’s angry. He disagrees immediately. Steve has strong opinions on this stuff, he fought in WWII. He knows that Project Insight was for control, and only that, never for protection. It’s fear mongering to keep people in line. (And that was before he knew it was HYDRA).

As soon as he leaves the Triskelion, he goes to his own museum exhibit. Which all seems a bit much for it being two years after he returned. But whatever. It’s clear in that scene that Captain America is seen more than Steve Rogers. It was never about Steve, nothing was about him. It was his image as CA. Only one person recognises him, and that person was a kid wearing a Captain America t-shirt.

He looks around, hands in his pockets, making himself small and invisible. He stares longingly at the uniforms, of the pictures of him and his friends. Then turns, to see Bucky’s section. A tiny part, even though his influence in Steve’s life was much greater. His and Steve’s history is erased on the plaque. It clearly isn’t public knowledge that Steve only recused the soldiers because there was hope Bucky was alive, it was changed to a ‘twist of fate’. Even Bucky’s basic info is wrong, it says born in 1916, then at the bottom says 1917-1944. The museum didn’t care to research.

That’s gotta sting Steve. He’s clearly still grieving, still upset, still sad. He’s suffering in silence. And so little time in the movie is given to how much Steve is still affected. I mean… had he even accepted it? Had he muddled through his grief?

From there, he goes to Peggy. When she says her only regret is that Steve didn’t get to live his life, he replies with the fact that he’s always just wanted to do what was right. That he isn’t sure what’s right anymore. That’s not good for him, that’s alarming. Remember, this is the man that didn’t want to kill, who lost his best friend, and then said he wouldn’t stop until all of HYDRA was dead or captured.

The ‘dead’ came first, not the ‘captured’. And now, he doesn’t know what’s right? He’s got issues, a lot of them. And he says serving isn’t the same anymore, he thought he could ‘throw himself back in’. Evidently showing he has never given himself time to get used to the future.

We know from ‘The Avengers’ that he has intrusive memories, when he was at the boxing ring, punching bags into oblivion. And he just threw himself into SHIELD after New York? SHIELD was a different beast to the army. He probably wasn’t fit to work, and what we see at the start of catws only backs that up.

So, anyhow, Peggy tells Steve the world has changed. (Hmm, how has it changed exactly, Agent Carter???). She effectively tells him to start over, which goes in line with him maybe getting out of SHIELD. (But he never gets that choice).

He then goes to Sam’s VA session and listens in. You can see Steve isn’t happy when he begins to talk to Sam. His hands are in his pockets again, his expression has this sad tint to it. When Sam talks about them all having the same problems, namely guilt and regret, Steve clocks on instantly because he knows that feeling. He knows what Sam is referring to.

Sam had much the same experience as Steve, unable to do anything as his friend dies, only being able to watch.

Sam is trying to relate to Steve, to gain an idea of what he’s thinking. Of what he’s feeling.

When he asks if Steve was thinking of getting out, Steve instantly says no, looking away. He’s lying there, avoiding eye contact. Then, he makes eye contact and says ‘I don’t know’. It’s such a small thing, but that’s the truth. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what he’d do either, so Sam makes a joke of it, but tells him he could ‘do whatever he wants to do’. Which matches starting over, as per Peggy’s advice.

Then Sam just has to ask what makes Steve happy. Steve shakes his head and looks to Sam, saying, ‘I don’t know’ again. And that’s…………………………. heart-breaking. It’s not healthy. Like, he doesn’t even give an answer, just says idk likes it’s no big deal.

All he’s got is the fighting. Because….

His home isn’t his own.

His shield isn’t even his, it’s the government’s.

He doesn’t own Captain America, that’s for the public. (His persona isn’t his, hasn’t been since 1945).

The only friend of his that isn’t SHIELD is Peggy, and kinda Sam but he just met him. Natasha isn’t truly his friend till later on.

Steve has nothing, he has no one, all he has is the will to keep fighting.

Getting out was a choice, starting over, possibly getting help, getting past his grief and adjusting, that was all a choice for him.

Until Bucky, until HYDRA. Then he was dragged back in, given no choice but to keep fighting. While maybe letting Captain America go along the way.

@avengersbarnes