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#honestly i'm probably just paranoid
nerdgirlriot · 1 year
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I think I made a comment on Mastodon that was too fucking weird bc the person i posted it to hasn't replied o well gonna keep calling Tumblr my home I guess
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archduke-enver-gortash · 10 months
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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piplupod · 3 months
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i think, despite the phobia, i much prefer catching spiders over catching centipedes. centipedes squeeze under things and spiders generally don't do that as much, and hoo boy. it is not fun having a centipede disappear into a crack between the toilet and the floor -_-
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makadragontamer · 4 months
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okay. okay okay okay flying off the cuff several hours past bedtime because I need to Purge The Thoughts so I can sleep before my job (ugh) BUT I'm halfway through ep 22 of the Wizard the Witch and the Wild One (Suvi (my beloved) JUST rolled the seven to lie to the public transit and I went OKAY THAT FALLOUT IS FOR POST-SLEEP so no one say SHIT about anything past that) and I'm kind of obsessed with that horribly flubbed conversation with Steel about Ame needing to leave Right Now Immediately
Because Steel (sword of the citadel) (very tired) (three hours of sleep) so CLEARLY heard "threat" and went "I must protect Ame" and totally fucking missed (because Ame (young) (stressed) (unfamiliar with wizard thought patterns) did not articulate it very well rip) that it's MOSTLY (mostly, these witches are still INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS) that the threat is a METAPHYSICAL threat.
Steel they don't need you to protect them from being physically killed, they need you to give Ame a ride home so she can grab some shit before she accidentally no call/no shows her quarterly meeting and gets fucking fired!
Steel she just needs her incredibly well connected friend to get her past the police barricade so she can get to her job!! Steel!!!
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bitegore · 1 year
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Possibly if i am this often "at my limit" it is not in fact a limit at all and i need to come up with a new word for it.
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All Dream Songs Ranking
Kind Of Love
Spotlight
Paranoid
Roadtrip
Slow Down
Change My Clothes
Invincible
Everest
Mask
Until I End Up Dead
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maraeffect · 1 year
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hmmmm now that you can turn off reblogs for ur posts. maybe i'll actually show my face lol
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n0n-sen-se · 1 year
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💌 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐊𝐍𝐘 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐫. . .
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includes ;; genya, muichiro content ;; pure fluff. a/n ;; stresstember eh? the perfect time to indulge in some adorable escapism! (´。• ◡ •。`) ♡
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☆☆☆ # genya shinazugawa !
genya regularly receives check-ups at the Butterfly Mansion, thus you tend to bump into him a ton!
this is where things start to take a turn. . . he stops getting so angry and quick to shut you down. . . and instead, he starts watching you train a little more, keeping idle tabs on your schedule, daydreaming of you when he should be focusing on training. . .
then it hits him:
he's got a crush ?!
to this boy love literally feels lethal.
he can't function. at all. he's unable to stand or talk to you for more than a few seconds without becoming flustered and wracked with nerves.
so loving you from afar is the simplest-easiest option.
he stares a ton, and tries hard not to get caught.
daydreams when he shouldn't- and at the worst times- you can only get punched in the face while training so many times before you start to wonder if having a crush is really worth it.
i'm pretty sure anyone could see the reason this quick-tempered boy suddenly turns shy when he's around you.
and he hates admitting it. (what is he supposed to do? he's never been in love before?)
there are times when he's 100% undoubtably sure that you're busy- or far, far away from the scene of the crime. . . he'll sneak into your room (after double checking that the coast is clear, again) he'll leave a few wildflowers next to your nightstand.
just the thought that he's showing romantic affection towards you has his heart palpitating. . . even if it is, technically indirect.
has him paranoid as hell, like somehow even after all his precautions, you'll just know it was him. if you suspect him, or bring it up, he'll vehemently deny everything.
(whenever he leaves flower btw, it'll be up to a week before he works up the courage to bring another bunch, and in between he tries to garner the courage to talk to you. . . without success)
he'd actually get pretty comfortable with this scenario, and eventually saves up enough to produce a small vase to hold all the flowers.
and it feels like the biggest step yet!
its a painfully simple pot, and he feels he could do better, but he's tied a woven red string around the neck to help. . . at least a little.
you know. . . in the future he could tie notes to it. the thought has his ears burning red hot, and he flees the scene just as quickly.
☆☆☆ # muichiro tokito !
honestly, it doesn't fully occur to him that he is a secret admirer at first.
he just one day happens to notice you because you caught his eye. nothing in particular, there was just something. . . bright about your presence.
your eyes? your smile? who could really say. all he knows is that your very interesting to look at when you're around.
even your voice catches his attention, like the sound of bells to his ears. its calming and also so alluring? how are you able to charm him like this?
the couple times you caught him staring he looked away quickly, then he starts wondering why he's afraid of being caught?
that's when the idea of an idea starts to form in his head.
a crush!
honestly, i think he'd smile to himself at the thought. its all very confusing and all very new and exciting!
he'd stare a ton and try to be subtle. . . but then fail at that too. (at this point he's just standing beside a tree rather than behind it?)
muichiro gifts you things that remind him of you: things that are eye-catching and interesting to him.
. . . something that holds his attention as much as you do. . .
mostly things he's found, like the shiniest shells or rocks, broken ornaments or porcelain he's found. the best would probably be a tiny pearl he. . . acquired.
instructs his crow to deliver them to you, which in turn means you get hit in the head with said object- you don't need a more obvious clue to know that his crow hates. your. guts. (don't worry she's just a little jealous)
at first, he completely forgets that he's sent anything to you at all.
until he see's you holding them and it all connects.
silently hopes you to make the connection too. and i don't think he'd mind being caught at all. (its kind of like a fun game he's playing, that subsequently causes the faintest blush to appear across the bridge of his nose)
thinks about you maybe a bit too much, and starts to get excited at the prospect of being in love or a relationship! what would it be like to hold your hand, or even have all of your attention for once? (now he's just smiling up at the clouds like an adorable idiot)
if he writes anything (a note?) its just doodles and drawings he's done that he then hands over to his crow to deliver.
actually very fond of leaving you snacks too. . . or straight up offering to share while (innocently) asking you what ❛all those things in your hands❜ are.
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All In 11
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)
based on the winning option for this poll
Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes
Note: it's a new week
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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Your phone buzzes against your leg, ripping you back to reality. Your eyes widen and drift away from the stream of font. You sit up and mark the page with your finger as you reach for the jittering cell. 
You scramble to grab onto it and hesitate to hit the big green button. The screen doesn't look like usual, not that you get many calls. You tap the button and the image changes at once, Bucky startling you as he appears. 
"Hey, doll," he grins and winks at you, moving the camera to lean against something. "How's it going?" 
"Uhhhh," you drone, surprised. He can see you too. You know by the little reflection of yourself in the corner. "Hi. Fine." You put the book down with no mind to losing the page, "um, you?" 
"You busy, doll?" 
"Reading but... no." 
"Mm," he hums, "glad to see you enjoying your treats but... no pajamas?" 
He steps back and you get a view of him from waist up, the edge of a counter in the lower edge. You pout then give a sheepish smile, "sorry, I haven't... had a chance." 
"That's okay, doll, I just wanted a peek before I went to work," he undoes his shirt button by button and pulls it off, revealing his muscular torso. You gulp at the lines of his muscle along his stomach, "why don't you put them on now and give me a look." 
"Oh, uh..." you glance at the wall. It's late. You're pretty sure Roxie already left for work and your mom will probably be settling down. "Right, uh..." 
"Just want something to think of when I walk the floor," he purrs. 
"Sure, er," you nearly choke, "I'll just-- one sec." 
"I can wait, doll. I've been waiting, haven't I?" He purrs. 
You feel a pang of guilt. You place the phone down so the lens faces the ceiling and climb off the bed. He's given you a lot, too much honestly, and now you feel like you owe him. It isn't fair to take his kindness without anything in return. And he isn't asking much, is he? 
You dig in the bag, the crinkle loud as the only other noise is the subtle movement from his end. You fish out the soft pajamas and peer over, making certain the phone is still flat. You change far away from it, paranoid. 
You look down at yourself in the tank and shorts. Oh gosh. It's a lot less than you usually wear. Your legs are showing, your shoulders, and a bit of your tummy. 
"Doll?" He says and you flinch. 
"I don't know... I don't think it fits." 
"I'm sure it fits just nice," he insists, "show me." 
"Oh, uh..." 
"I'm just looking, doll, I'll only think of what I really wanna do," he snickers. 
You cross back to the bed and pick up the phone, careful to stay out of view. You turn back and prop it up on the dresser, overly aware of the unflattering angle as you do. You give a wide-eyed look and back up so you're all in frame.  
You hug yourself shyly and sway. 
"Let me see ya," he orders. 
You put your arms straight and notice how he leans in to look at the screen, smoothing his hair back. He keeps his hands over his dark strands and growls. A flutter starts in your stomach. 
"What do you mean too small? That fits your perfect," he says. 
"I... really?" 
"Sure, doll," he turns and you realise he's getting ready.  
He combs his hair stands straight. He grabs a new shirt and buttons it as he peeks again. You near the camera and move it so he can only see your face.  
"Damn, doll, I'm gonna be all over the place," he says, "you're so sweet and sexy." 
"Bucky," you squeak.  
"I don't lie. That's the one thing you should know about me. I will always let you know exactly what I want." 
You blush hotly and a tap on the door nearly makes you drop the phone. You hide it behind you and shuffle closer. You clear your throat. 
"Uh, yeah?" You call through. 
"Hey, honey, everything okay in there?" She asks. Shoot, she must have heard you. 
"I'm watching something," your heart hammers, "sorry, I'll turn it down."
"It's alright, honey. Just thought I heard you..."
"No, just a show," you wisp out.
You quickly back away and go as far from the door as you can. You look down at the phone as Bucky tucks in his shirt. Ugh, that was embarrassing. He heard all that; surely he must realise how lame you are. 
"Mom sounds real sweet," he says, "must be where you get it." 
"She's working tomorrow. Don't wanna keep her up," you explain quietly. 
"That's too bad, doll. I'll just have to keep waiting... wanting," he shrugs and pulls on a dark jacket, "what do ya think? Look good?" 
He poses for the camera. He looks great, as always. You feel smaller than ever. 
"Yes," you answer softly. 
"Yes? That's it?" He sounds disappointed. 
"Very handsome," you eke out. 
"Handsome?" He squints as he picks up the phone. 
"Er," you search your repertoire and borrow from his, "sexy?" 
"Are you asking or telling me?" He chuckles. 
You giggle. You don't think you've ever told anyone they are sexy. You've never been that bold. 
"Yes." 
"Yes?" He laughs. 
"You're, er, oh, sexy," you touch your hot cheek and look away. 
"You are adorable, doll," he growls, "that's exactly what I need to hear." He grazes his fingertips over his beard, "unfortunately I gotta get on it so... tomorrow." 
"Tomorrow," you confirm. 
"Don't worry about a thing, doll, just bring your gorgeous self." 
🃏
The next day is restless. It's worse having hours to wait around for... what? You don't know. 
You spend your time reading, or trying to. Breakfast is small, what your roiling stomach can handle, and you put on an outfit that you think is acceptable, not that you have much to choose from. It might be strange if your mom or Roxie notice the lack of uniform. You could say you change at work? 
Ugh, lie after lie. It's all so much.  
You don't get very far in the book and your phone buzzes, a reminder from Bucky that your fate is coming. You grab your purse and sit out on the stoop, the sunlight beaming down. It would be a nice say if you were so damn uptight. 
Merv pulls up in the sleek luxury car and you get up, checking over your shoulder to see if there's any curious tug on the curtain. Your mom's already at work but Roxie is puttering around somewhere. She could be sleeping or not. 
Merv gets out to greet you. He opens the door and you thank him. He sits in the driver's seat and Springsteen drones from the radio. You smile as he shifts into gear. 
"I know this one," you say. 
"Of course, a classic," he praises. "And how are you today, miss?" 
"Good, you, sir?" 
He laughs as he steers, "very good, miss. And how could I not be." He peeks at you in the rear view, "with sunshine in my backseat." 
You smile bashfully and cross your legs. You can't help the shake in your foot. You're more and more nervous with each second and turn of the wheel. 
As if noticing your unease, he turns up the music, "I like this one too." 
You sigh and ease into the drumbeat. The tempo keeps your heartbeat in check. You're thankful for his subtle comfort. 
You turn to watch through the tinted windows. You never noticed how scenic this city is. You never went many places to have the chance. 
He keeps the volume up and you let it carry you through the long journey across the city. He pulls up to the casino and steers around to the hotel entrance. You peer through then back at him in confusion. He turns the knob down. 
"Mr. Barnes says to give your name at the desk," Merv instructs, "have a good day." 
"Thanks, you too," you unbuckle the seat belt and sidle across to the door. 
You get out with reticence. Staring up at the grand facade, you're more unsure than you've ever been. You've come this far, you have to keep going. You really have no choice as Merv slowly rolls away.  
You step forward. It doesn't get easier the further you get. Your pulse hammers behind your ear as you enter the lobby and a flash of deja vu overcomes you. That night with Roxie, the morning after, and everything since. How does it all feel as if it happened so fast and yet so long ago? 
You go to the desk, feeling entirely out of place. What if Merv is wrong and you shouldn't be there? What if they just look at you and laugh? No choice, keep going. 
You stop on the other side of the desk and give a stiff smile. 
"Hello, welcome, checking in?" The modelesque concierge asks. She's stunning and you're all the more self-aware. 
"Uh, I think? My name is..." 
She keeps her pristine smile in place and her eyes lights up. She doesn't even bother typing into her computer. She flits away and returns with one of little folders with the room keys inside. Oh, this is really happening. 
You thank her and slowly back away. You make a slow advance towards the elevator and wait beside a couple with their suitcases. You step on with them, avoiding a glimpse through the transparent walls.  
You unfold the folio and read the number, pushing the floor number, then stand back on your heels. You keep your eyes on the door, the motion alone making you dizzy. 
The couple gets off before you. When it's your floor, you thankfully scramble off and take a deep breath. You once more check the number and follow the hallways to your assigned suite. 
You swipe the card several times, you still don't have the hang of it. The door opens and you enter meekly. You focus on every move. Shut the door, slip the card back in the folder, put it down on the corner table. 
You look up at last and let yourself marvel at the suite as you delve further in. The smell of pollen greets you with a large bouquet of roses. The suite is huge, even bigger than last time. Two rooms just the same and a full kitchenette and spacious bathroom. You don't go onto the balcony, not wanting to test your stomach. 
You go back inside and glance over the table draped in a red tablecloth beneath the crystal vase of flowers. There's also a tray of chocolate-dipped strawberries and various colours of macarons. You've never had the delicate cookies before but you'd watch countless recipe videos, wishing on day to try them yourself. 
There's an envelope too. You take it and run your nail along the sealed flap. You open it carefully and slip out the card within. 
'Enjoy yourself, doll. I'll join you shortly. B.' 
As if on cue, there's a knock on the door. Oh gosh, you're not ready. What does he mean? Join you? You hoped for a little long before... before... 
You stand frozen but when the door doesn't open itself, you go to answer it. You slowly twist the long handle and open it just a crack. You peer around the edge and blink in confusion. 
"Hello, dahling," the woman's affectation drags out her syllables, "well look at you, how precious." 
She presses on the door and you let her force her way in. You're dumbfounded. Who the heck is she? Another long-legged beauty you can't compare too. 
"Lovely hair," she remarks as she closes the door without a care, "oh, and your skin, yes, perfect canvas..." 
"Sorry, er, I think you have the wrong room--" 
"Mr. Barnes sent me, dahling," she trills in her way, "and I see you are very much in need of my visit so let's begin. Mm, yes, I have a vision," she struts forward, a rose gold chest in her hand, "not very much, you have a natural lustre I adore." 
You retreat as she advances on you. She lifts her chest onto the chaise and flips back the lid, revealing an assortment of precisely organized palettes and tubes. You're horrified and humiliated as you realise why she's there. Maybe you aren't as pretty as Bucky keeps telling you. 
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AITA for poisoning a child over mountain dew?
For context, I (17) have a developed a slight addiction to mountain dew over quarantine. it's one of my favorite soft drinks. Every month I buy a case of it with my own money when my parents do their monthly grocery shopping and that is my allotted stashe for the month. However, I've noticed for about two years now that my stashe is running out sooner than I expected, the first few times I've simply thought I miss calculated but later I suspected it was being stolen after I kept rigorous track of how much I drank. I told my parents but they said I shouldn't get so worked up over it, and if I really wanted to keep it safe I should keep it locked up somewhere. So I did. Afterwards, almost weekly I've had our maid/housekeeper(a distant cousin of my mom's- we do pay her) ask me for my soda. I suspected that she might've been the soda stealer so out of spite I refused to give her from "my" stashe, instead offering to buy some/give her the money and she refused. Even after that, a couple months later I've noticed it running out sooner again. I pointed it out to my parents and they did nothing still. I hid my keys. It stopped the stealing for a few weeks but then it started again. I've confronted her about it but she denies it and blames me for for suspecting her when she does so much for us. And my mom refuses to discuss it with her either, saying I'm making such a big deal out of something like soda and that I probably miscalculated anyways. I've taken photographic evidence of my shit going missing (taking a photo before going to school and coming home with a bottle missing) and still she say to "let it go". At this point, it's not even about the soda for me. It's about the fact I brought this shit with my own money and it's being stolen EVEN AFTER I TRIED EVERYTHING TO PREVENT IT and its been going on for TWO YEARS. And I can't help but feel paranoid and suspect her whenever any of my other possessions start disappearing.
Here comes the poisoning part. I've recently developed some gastrointestinal issues, so I have to take prescribed laxatives. I've had enough of my shit being stolen and I've decided whoever steals it needs to shit themselves and maybe then they'll stop. I marked out a few bottles and carefully opened them and mixed in the laxative(About half dose per bottle) before resealing them thoroughly. I put them in front of all the other non-laced drinks so they're the easiest ones to grab. Sure enough, they've been stolen. And a few days later she comes to my mom complaining that her grandson keeps getting diarrhea and she has no idea why. I told her maybe she shouldn't feed a <10 yr old mountain dew and she was like, "How do you know it was the dew that caused it?" I just shrugged and told her I had a hunch, but with the way she stared at me I think she understood what I had did. Later on my mom yelled at me for pulling that stunt, and I was honestly sick of her shit and told her next time I'm mixing in rat poison and I wont even be labeling the laced ones. like. stop taking my shit without asking. especially shit i brought with my own money.
What are these acronyms?
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ivysangel · 4 months
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…vampire!jason thoughts… you must provide them im desperate…. -🐞
(ik you probably expected #real smut, honestly i did too but this ended up turning into a whole bunch of lore/headcanons/whatever tf. i'm so sorry bae cw: talks of consuming blood)
you ask, you shall receive. i've been thinking about jason and dick as vampires in relation to each other, so this'll be a post about both of them just for the sake of comparisons. also, in my mind, this au takes place during the 19th century because i've conflated vampirism with the victorian era, and it's also no capes in regards to vigilantism bc vampires do love a good cape.
in this victorian era, vampire au dick would be either a nobleman or straight up royalty. he's got status, money, and a pretty face, and he uses them all to his advantage when it comes to feeding. you know in the originals or itwtv when they host an event that's actually a cover for them finding their next meal? yeah, he does that. he flirts with all of the ladies, plays into his charms, and sweeps women off their feet. and at the end of the night (sometimes even mid-ball), he coaxes them upstairs and ravishes them, sometimes in more ways than one.
i think for dick feeding is something he can have fun with, knowing that he holds such a high ranking in society that when bodies of people he's been seen with show up around town, people turn a blind eye. and even when someone does try to investigate, the wayne family checking account talks enough to shut down anything beyond a questioning.
in many pieces of media surrounding vampires, there are people who know about vampires and choose to feed them their blood. there's a bunch of lore that explores the idea that a vampire bite is almost orgasmic and kind of addictive, which is why some people are more than willing to put themselves in harm's way by either being employed by vampires or by straight up just throwing themselves into a vampires line of sight with open wounds.
with that being said, i think dick grayson likes the chase. i think that even if his father (bruce, who is also a vampire in this au because vampire families are just superior) has people on his payroll to provide blood for them, he's going to go out on his own to flirt a bit, get laid, and then have his fill.
which brings me to my next point; while feeding, like sex, is an intimate act, it's far from necessary for dick to need an emotional connection with a person he feeds off of or even a physical one. sex and feeding are related but not totally synonymous, and if he needs to just feed or just get his rocks off, he can. is it preferred? maybe not. i believe he does like the mess that comes with doing both at the same time.
ok so for jason, ugh so obsessed with him as a vampire because i think it's so in line with his canon story. in a lot of vampire lore, to become a vampire, you have to consume the blood of a vampire and either die or be on the brink of death, which is just so. it's so jason dying and being revived by the lazarus pit coded. and even the way he inevitable that he will spill blood post-revival in both this vampire au and his canon storyline…it's almost prophetic.
anyway, jason's approach to vampirism is quite different. i think he struggles with it no matter how long he's been one. he can't fully grasp that he's immortal; he looks in the mirror and sees that he hasn't aged a day and he feels sick. being a vampire for him feels like a curse and he only continues living because he's scared to die (again).
he doesn't stay anywhere too long, typically hopping from town to town in the middle of the night when less people are around. he believes himself to be out of place amongst normal people and he's paranoid that people can smell the iron on his breath when he talks to them so he makes it a point to have minimal interaction with people.
it's crippling, he drives himself mad with the solitude, but i feel like another reason why he continues to stay alive is to spite his creator, whoever that may be. he's most definitely got an agenda, in true jason fashion. i just don't know what it is yet.
he feeds only when he needs to but tries not to let the hunger get too intense because i do feel like when he loses control, he's the stefan salvitore type. a ripper. but he's pretty good about it and is almost polite when he's feeding? like he finds a victim and says i'm sorry before just absolutely tearing into their jugular.
i just really think he grapples with his own mortality, or lack thereof, and how it exists at the expense of others. so he is genuinely ashamed of who he is and what he's become. so, while blood drinking is something he needs to survive, it holds a lot of weight for him, which is why i think drinking blood and sex are pretty equal for him when it comes to intimacy level.
that brings me to my MAIN point (which isn't really a main point because it's being reduced to a small paragraph at the end of this post), all of that was background for this, eek. the act of drinking blood during sex is so. big. for him, it's eye-opening, life-changing. the amount of trust required on both ends for this to happen…at that point, it's basically end game for you two. and it's so funny because that's just a normal tuesday for dick.
anyway, i do have more thoughts and more lore, but this got really long, so i'll cut it off here
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on-leatheredwings · 4 months
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What characters from DC canon do you think would make the most terrifying yanderes?
honestly theres so many ppl to choose from LOL
Scariest brute strength wise:
Superman, of course: You can kick and punch all you want - you won't get anywhere with that. Or imagine him flying miles into the air and threatening (softly) to drop you unless you calm down. He really will do it, even if he saves you five seconds later. What's scariest is knowing that even if you ask for help, no one can save you. He's fucking Superman.
Supergirl: same as Superman, but I think she has a petulant edge that's really awful. You can't reason with her if she's already made up her mind. Even if we're talking about Adult!SG, it's like you're talking to a child, holy fuck
Flash: .............something very terrifying of a man who can whisk you away before you can blink. If you ran away, he'd of course let you get a head start, just for kicks. Then he collects you, whether you're halfway across the world or just down the street. He'd run so fast the air leaves your lungs and by the time you've come to, you're back home... Yikes. I think he'd give you a lot of vertigo and disorientation to keep your mind addled.
Dr. Fate, Constantine, Zatanna: christ. Really, any magic user can go in this slot. I think the depths of their powers are just scary to even think about. Imagine arguing with them and getting kicked into another dimension, left to lose your sanity for what feels like years, but was perhaps just 10 minutes in regular time. Sure, they would bend reality for you, but they also would bend it just to keep you in line.
Scariest ruining-your-mental-health-wise:
Lex Luthor: oh god he's just the worst. He genuinely believes he owns you, unlike most of the other DC yans that at least try to pretend you have human rights. Him being a yandere probably consists of him offering you a place in his home. If refused, you won't be able to enjoy anything ever again. You'll be followed. You won't get new work anywhere. If you're famous, the tabloids are all against you and ruining your reputation because everyone is in Lex's pockets. He'd be a more spiteful Bruce Wayne, essentially.
Batman: I can't even elaborate like you already know. LMAO
The Question: i'm sorry the amount of paranoia this man would give me specifically. I grew up around paranoid people and they do irreversible psychic damage LOL. He'll be gaslighting you AND himself into believing into conspiracies at the same time.
Scarecrow: Fear gas. Just... fear gas. :)
if anyone wants to add in replies pls do kghdksk this is more like my nightmare yandere rotation
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yanfeiimain · 5 months
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"Sure, I'll play along" - Aventurine x Reader
c/w: not nsfw, suggestive at most! Aventurine saving you from your ex. strong language used.
words: 1.3k
a/n: I was literally playing, farming character exp and his voice line made my brain go boom. I'm still working on flip a coin tho so this isnt necesarily perfect >.< Possible part 2 with smut??
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You were sitting at the casino's bar, nervously playing around with your glass. you look around carefully, checking if he followed you. There were no faces you knew. You let out a shaky breath. The bartender shoots you a glance but you pay her no mind.
As someone sits down next to you, you jump and get ready to leave. "Just leave me alone asshole. I don't-" you say, wanting to escape as fast as possible.
"There's no need to be so mean." a young man says, giving a male bartender a note. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to! I thought you were someone else…" you excuse yourself. You look at the man next to you, admiring his features. He has pretty blonde hair and captivating eyes. Your gaze lingers. And he notices.
"It's okay, don't worry." He says, smirking. "You got problems?" 
You sit back down, sighing, "Well, kinda, but what's it to you?" You continue nipping on your drink, not too sure of what to think of him. 
"Oh, nothing really, you just piqued my interest, dear," he says, "I mean, you just tried to cuss me out..." He fakes a hurt expression, swiftly changing back to his charming grin. 
He makes you smile a little, and you finally give in. "You want me to tell you about it, huh..." You take the final sip of your drink and put the glass back down. 
"Mhh, I bet it's interesting," he smirks, something glinting in his eyes. "Oh no, it's rather sad, honestly. Would you tell me your name first, though?" you ask, tilting your head slightly. You notice his fancy outfit, taking note of his extraordinary taste.
"Aventurine, pleasure to meet you..." - "y/n." - "Dearest y/n." 
They way Aventurine said your name made it sound oddly special. He certainly had a silver tounge. You feel your cheeks heat up, smiling a little wider, "Likewise, Aventurine." 
"Alright, y/n, tell me your story," he says and orders two more drinks for you both. You breathe and start telling him about your ex-fiance and how he treated you at the end of your relationship. He manipulated you and made you feel horrible. He used you as his personal servant, and every time you both went out, he belittled you and made you feel small. After a lot of thinking and gathering courage, you finally called off the engagement and left him. 
"And that's why you're so paranoid, I understand." He says, looking into your eyes. It makes you blush and feel slightly exposed. "Yeah... He's been following me, well, stalking me. Trying to get me to go back to him." Aventurine gently puts his gloved hand onto yours, and you admire his rings.
After a moment, you decided to break the silence, "Ah, but enough about me. What brings you here?" 
Aventurine hums, smiling once again, "Interested are we? But there's no special reason. I'm just here to gamble and I bet I'll win something good tonight."  He says it so nonchalantly like it's his daily life. It made sense, this is a casino after all. And there is this glint in his eyes again as he looks at you, clearly interested.
You both continue talking and order a few more drinks. The bartender watches you and probably has been listening in on your conversations but you, as well as Aventurine, pay it no mind. As the night progresses, you relax. 
However, just as you got comfortable, the alcohol playing its part, a tall figure enters the casino. You only noticed as he joins you and Aventurine at the bar, ignoring the latter. "Shit, that's him" you whisper, slightly nervous.
"Aventurine, could you help me out if he tries anything?" you feel insecure, basically asking a stranger to help you with your creepy ex. "Sure, I'll play along." Aventurine smiles. It was softer this time.
"Hey there, sweetheart, enjoying your night?" The guy on your right, your ex, says playfully, yet his face tells a different tale. He is annoyed, no, absolutely pissed off. "Oh, for the love of god, leave." you scowl. 
"Why should I? C'mon, I'm giving you one last chance to go back home with me, no consequences." he offers, but you know his disingenuous tone too well. "No way. Forget it. We are over." you deny him.
Looking to Aventurine for help, you blurt out, "And I'm already with someone who doesn't treat me like shit!" Proving your statement, Aventurine wraps his arm around you, his fingers grab your waist possessively. "Yes, that's right." 
"And who are you, peacock?" Your ex asks, looking at Aventurine with disgust, yet amusement.  "Aventurine, her lover," the blonde lies with ease, his face adorned with the usual smirk he wore so often that night.
"You whore, already sleeping around again? Have you forgotten who owns you?" he spits, insulting you like usual. The bartender starts to giggle. "Relax dude, they only just met. There's no way he would ever be with a gal like her." Aventurine shoots her a deathly glare and your ex laughs. 
"Oh my god, you are an embarresment. Get your lying ass out of here and come with me. And you, Aventurine, you should leave your dirty claws off of someone else's property." your ex scoffs.
"Ahaha... lovely but we're not playing pretend, are we?" Aventurine laughs and promptly pulls you onto his lap. You feel your stomach twist and heat creeps onto your cheeks. You now sit on his lap, facing him. You feel his soft breath on your neck as he pulls you to his chest.
"Right, darling?" You could feel his heartbeat quicken and Aventurine felt yours. "Of course not," you manage to breathe out. He lifts your chin with his gloved hand, you can feel the cold rings on your skin. They send shivers down your spine. 
Aventurine pulls you into a heated kiss, his soft lips moving against yours and you gasp in surprise, not expecting him to go so far. You melt into the kiss, completely giving in to the blonde. 
Your ex simply stares at you, his mouth slightly agape.  "Tch, that doesn't prove anything." Pretending it doesn't faze him, he rolls his eyes, the bartender scoffs as well and leaves.
You break the kiss, gasping for air. Aventurine smirks complacently and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "Whatever you say, friend." 
"Fine, have her. Just know that she is a filthy and unfaithful brat." With that, he turns around. "And this isn't over yet."
You let out a sigh of relief. He is finally gone. "What an asshole..." Aventurine mutters, making you realize what just happened.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I asked for your help but you didn't have to go this far. I hope it didn't make you uncomfortable. I apologize! How could I ever thank you..." you ramble but Aventurine just cups your face and gives you a second, soft kiss. 
"No need to apologize, y/n. To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed this night. It was certainly a nice surprise." He gently rubbed your cheek with his thumb, reassuring you. "As for how to thank me... There's no need." 
Your eyes widened, "Ah well, I'm glad you felt that way. But... Are you sure? You want nothing in return?" He shook his head, resting his other hand back on your waist. "Although, there is something you could do for me. If you want, that is." 
He grins mischievously. To be honest, he finds you alluring and wants to know get to know you. 
"Sure, what is it?" you ask, genuinely interested. "Spend the night with me."
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yandere-sins · 28 days
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Ooh, here's a fun question for everyone,
What do you think your chances are to actually survive a yandere?
Personally my chances are slim af 💀I'm too socially awkward to manipulate my way out of anything, I suck at all physical activities, and I'd rather die than have to be trapped in one area with one person for the rest of my life 😭
Like if anyone tried to stab a syringe into me, I'd probably just faint at the sight of the needle-
Or if anyone got hurt, I'd puke at the sight of fucking blood
EVEN JUST TALKING TO THE YANDERE, I'd be so awkward and quiet I'm pretty sure they'd just fall right out of love with me. Either that or I'm just trying to bargain my freedom here, except the bargains gets progressively worse
And if we're being real here, I can't use the fucking bathroom if anyone's nearby. Legit, I'd die within 2 days top. Either the yandere gets sick of me or I just give up and jump off the nearest roof I find 🥲
I can barely survive as it is, with a yandere I'm pretty sure I would have been dead ten seconds ago ;^;
You are so valid anon! There are a lot of instances that would be super hard to stomach, although they are very up to the individual! Being in such a situation is always awful, so we all probably have some weak points that could be exploited... But, good news! I don't believe in yandere falling out of love with their darling, so you are at least safe in that aspect, haha...
As for me, I am actually going to say my chances are pretty good, I think. It won't be easy to kidnap me, I am paranoid, don't put myself in dangerous situations, and also have a ton of muscles after five years of training, so I can pack a punch! Could I still be manipulated? ʸᵉˢ. Would I be easily manipulated if someone showed me a bit of love? ᵃˡˢᵒ ʸᵉˢ. Could someone wave their red flags and I wouldn't see them because I want to believe in the good in people? ˢⁱᵍʰ… ʸᵉˢ.
I give myself a yandere survivability of 65% :')
(Reasoning and discussions welcome! ♥)
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midnightsunnyday · 2 months
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Whips, Cuffs, And Edible Thongs? (Part One) '*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'
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A/N: so does anyone (over the age of 21, obviously) browse adult toys with their friends? Is that just me? Well, yesterday my friends and I went to a toy shop for the hell of it and laughed at the improbably large and adorably small um, "items" they had on display, and in between our playful banter, for some reason I got the crazy thought to make a headcanon about it.
Warnings: obviously NSFW and MDNI. Mentions of various kinks, sex toys, and cursing. MC is in a polyamorous relationship with all the brothers btw. Definitely a crack headcanon.
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*MCs overly dramatic monologue begins*
It was a risk, coming here alone, yet the reward would be worth the treacherous journey. I left the House of Lamentation under the cover of dusk, dawned in my best disguise. I stayed low, keeping shadows close. I snuck through alleys, crept down streets, jumping, paranoid. I could trust no one. Rely on no one. For this was a mission I must tread alone.
Finally, my destination was in view. The shop was not unlike the others surrounding it, except for the black and pink sign offering something a bit more...stimulating. I grabbed the handle, pushing slowly, only to be washed in a flood of pink neon and the scent of roses.
"Welcome to Cleo's Circle, hun. Tell me, what's your pleasure?"
MC: um, well you see, it's kind of my first time here. Not my first time in this kind of store, but for demons. Not that there's anything wrong with being a demon but I um...I'm just a bit embarrassed.
"Oh sweetie, you just hush those silly fears. Now, I'm not too keen on human culture, but this is the Devildom. Things like shame and sin are like a tick on a six-horned goat's ballsack."
MC: so...worthless then?
"You got it, sugar."
MC: ok, well in that case *looks around* I think I'd like to look at--
Asmodeus: --everything you've got in stock!
MC: fucking...Asmo? What the hell are you doing here? 
Asmodeus: *gasps dramatically* honestly, it's like you don't even know me! Are you really asking why I, Asmodeus, Avatar of Lust, would patronage a sex shop?
MC: hmm. Fair point.
*clicks her tongue* "Asmo."
Asmodeus: oh, well if it isn't my favorite little kitty Mynxie.
Mynxie: you know, I didn't realize that "I'll call you later" meant six months from now.
Asmodeus: oh Mynxie, you just have to understand. When one is as renownedly known and loved as me you can't possibly recall every single, little lover you've had, right? 
Mynxie: that right, huh? Well in that case, I also might fail to account for that little 80% discount at checkout and charge your ass full price.
Asmodeus: *gasps* you wouldn't?
Mynxie: oh, I would.
MC: maybe I should come back some other time. 
Mynxie: oh no, don't go! See what you've made me go and do? You're making my customers uncomfortable *clears throat* Forgive me for mixing business with pleasure. All are welcome and made to feel comfortable here in Cleo's Circle. As a sexual education succubus and proud business owner, it is my sworn duty to ensure it.
MC: wow. Those are...some words you just said. Well, then I suppose I'll look around.
Mynxie: if you need anything just ask.
MC: ok. And actually, it's probably best that you're here too, Asmo. I actually wasn't sure what to do.
Asmodeus: oh sweetie, of course! Why didn't you tell me you wanted to explore your kinkier side sooner? I would've gladly shown you every single thing you needed to know. Oh, but um...just so you know, this isn't one of my usual outings.
MC: what does that mean?
Asmodeus: so...promise you won't get mad, ok?
MC: why would I get--
Mammon: --sup.
MC: FUCK.
Mammon: oh no. Ain't none of that happening while I'm here.
Beelzebub: hey, MC. Oh. Is that candy?
Belphegor: Beel, no.
Satan: so this is why you were ducking behind every dumpster in the Devildom. For a moment I thought you were mimicking a frightened raccoon.
Leviathan: *in a very convincing announcer voice* By day they're an average RAD student just trying to survive, but by night they're a crime-fighting, bondage-wearing vigilante saving the day with whips...and love.
Mammon: this ain't one of the plots to one of your low-budget hentai movies, Levi!
Leviathan: oh? And how do you know what hentai is, hmm?
Belphegor: looks like he got you there, Mammon.
Mammon: s-shut up!
MC: please don't have Lucifer. Please don't have Lucifer. Please don't have Lucifer.
Satan: be careful. I heard that if you chant his name five times he'll appear and lecture you to death.
Mammon: but nah, that buzz kill ain't here. Went to some fancy upper-echelon party with Lord Diavolo.
MC: thank Diavolo.
Satan: indeed.
MC: so then why are you all here?
Mammon: invite only. We may be avatars, but Lucifer is the avatar. Pff, whatever. I'm way cooler than him anyway.
Belphegor: plus, we saw you sneaking around and thought hey, that looks like a fun way to spend one's Saturday. Let's follow them.
Satan: but we didn't expect you to end up...here. Even so, why hide such a thing from us?
MC: because it's embarrassing! Why would I want you all with me buying sex toys?
Mammon: cause we're fun?
Belphegor: because it's hilarious?
Asmodeus: because we can help you find a good one?
Leviathan: that and it's not really that embarrassing.
MC: huh?
Asmodeus: we're demons sweetie, not prudes. We wouldn't judge you for this.
Beelzebub: what if we all brought something? That way, no one feels embarrassed.
Mammon: um, Beel. You realize what you're asking, right?
Mynxie: well, this is all good and heart-warmin' but are y'all gonna buy something? You're crowding up my store and frankly scaring the poor dear.
MC: thank you, um, Mynxie?
Mynx: it's just Mynx. Mynxie if you're naughty.
MC: ok, so then Mynx, I appreciate your consideration, but...I'm ok with them here. 
Mynx: are you sure, hun? Cause I can kick them out if you need your privacy. Avatars or not, I know my way around a metal pipe.
MC: I'm sure. They can stay.
Asmodeus: yay!
Mynx: ok then. Let me know if you need any help. As for you all *pulls out a pipe and slams it on the counter* no funny business.
Everyone: yes ma'am.
Mynx: that's madam. Now, y'all be good, ok?
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tossawary · 5 months
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Thinking about the actual living arrangements between Wu Yanzi and Shen Jiu is interesting, because I would think that Wu Yanzi should be more than a little concerned that his new apprentice might decide to turn that bloody sword on him sooner or later.
Putting this below a cut because I'm talking about child abuse here.
You can come up with all sorts of angsty, abusive behavior for Wu Yanzi on the premise that he's afraid of what Shen Jiu might do, simpler examples being things like "he might have made Shen Jiu sleep outside if he was ever taking a room at an inn" and "he might have regularly taken all of Shen Jiu's belongings away because he couldn't 'trust' his disciple with them". More extreme, antagonizing examples being things like "he might have tied Shen Jiu up at night like a dog" or "he might have planted some kind of talismans that prevented Shen Jiu from coming near him or from leaving a small space". He might have even been "matter of fact" about it. Not obviously taking pleasure in a "necessary measure".
I don't think Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu like complete shit all the time, I think it probably would have depended on his moods, as it does with many abusers. I just think it's interesting to think about why exactly young Shen Jiu was "terrified to death" of this person. There has to have been a line of "worth putting up with this to learn some cultivation techniques" keeping Shen Jiu from deciding to just risk it and try to kill Wu Yanzi (the line ends up being Yue Qi at the Conference).
It's possible that Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu kind of okay most of the time, actually, trusting in his young apprentice's fear without relying on any kind of physical abuse. At the beginning, Wu Yanzi is something of a cultivator and Shen Jiu is not. By forcing Shen Jiu to participate in his foul crimes, he makes it harder for Shen Jiu to leave him, because now Wu Yanzi can threaten to TELL PEOPLE what Shen Jiu has done. And seeing Wu Yanzi kill people in horrific ways such as the Cursed Black Light talismans functions as a very effective threat by itself. "Behave or I'll kill you," is probably all the rope that Wu Yanzi would need to tie Shen Jiu up at night, honestly, stopping his apprentice from killing him in his sleep. Verbal threats and abuse are more than enough, especially when said by an actual murderer.
I think it's interesting to think about the different ways that abuse manifests, and how the different styles of abuse from Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi might have affected Shen Jiu. We don't see a lot of Shen Jiu's life with Wu Yanzi, so we don't know whether or not his behavior was playfully cruel or tersely paranoid or coldly detached. It's easier to draw links between Shen Jiu's abusive treatment of Luo Binghe and Qiu Jianluo's abuse of Shen Jiu.
Anyway, I was thinking about this because I was thinking about more Canon Divergence AUs for Qijiu. Like, what if, after killing Qiu Jianluo, Shen Jiu gets a taste of what his life will be like under Wu Yanzi and throws caution to the wind to murder this guy? He desperately wants to learn cultivation, yes, but he doesn't want another master. Maybe there's some bounty on Wu Yanzi's head and Shen Jiu decides to take it, and hopefully leverage the kill as his legitimate entrance into the cultivation world?
I'm wondering how easy it would be to somehow get Shen Jiu to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect when Yue Qi has been trapped in the Ling Xi caves. I don't think that Shen Jiu would be happy about Yue Qi's imprisonment at all. That could end up being a very dramatic rescue.
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