#honestly left it fully open to interpretation what relationships you end up with in the end

[auspicioustidings]

Firewatch Part 14

Summary: You visit a grave as our story comes to an end.

Words: 1.9k

You wondered if Johnny had snuck into bed with you. He had done it the last time Simon was on watch and it had been admittedly sort of nice waking up bundled in him. He was pretty cute when he was sleepy. 

He hadn't, the warmth was from Dosia which was strange because these days she usually was either outside or cuddled up with Price if Simon wasn't around like the little traitor she was.

This was not Simon's bed.

–

“You've been through quite the ordeal! Can't believe you were in the forest all this time. Surprised you never came across our Firewatch, they live out there. Or they did I suppose.”

“I- sorry, what do you mean?”

“Didn't you ever notice that tower from your old place? It was a watchtower for wildfires, the men who ran it had a cabin out there as well. Shame about what happened.”

“The fire…”

“Ah last I heard between air support and the trucks coming in to help from all over it's looking like they have it contained, but these things tend to burn for days or weeks before we can really relax.”

“What about the men in the forest? What happened to them?”

The sheriff blinked at you.

“How exactly did you survive out there all this time?”

–

It wasn't as bad as it could have been was what people kept saying. The tower was gone, but the fire had never ripped through the town thanks to quick detection and action to contain it. 

In the span of six months you had lost your home to fire twice over. You were living out of the little bed and breakfast while paperwork was sorted. There was a lot of red tape involved in bringing someone back from the dead, although it was curious how much easier it was made by the sheriff having not properly filed the death certificate in the first place. You weren't as officially dead as you should have been. 

Everything would be wrapped up soon and then you didn't really know what you would do. You had money from the Insurance claim on your cottage (that had been a wild series of phone calls to increasingly senior people as you tried to explain that you were the owner who had perished in the fire), but you had no clue what to do with it. 

You knew you had been putting it off, but it was time to go visit the grave. Maybe then you'd figure it out.

–

It wasn't anything fancy, just a rustic headstone set in the ashes. Dosia wasn't super interested, instead going to rub up against your visitor. Wonders never ceased.

“Knew she'd come around eventually.”

“They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Does it?”

You glanced over at Kyle and your heart thumped. The last time you had seen him had been weeks ago when he was disappearing into smoke and embers.

“Yeah, yeah I think it does.”

You both stood and stared at the gravestone, Dosia's ears pricking before she took off towards the treeline. You weren't worried, you were pretty sure you knew who she was in a rush to see. She completely ignored the man walking towards you and Kyle on her way. 

“Ouch.”

“She still hasn't forgiven you for saying I should've got a dog you know.”

“Still think ye should swap her for one.”

“He cried when we thought she didn't make it out.”

“Away and biel yer heid Gaz.”

You had missed them. You had really, truly missed them. It was overwhelming being on your own after always having them around. You were angry a lot at little things like how difficult you found a busy shop now. They had done that to you. It didn't make your stupid feelings any less complicated. It didn't make you feel any less like kissing the new scar on Johnny's arm or the bruises healing on Gaz.

“So you buried your girl in the end huh?”

“A few weeks before the fire. We were planning on bringing you to see it.”

“This close to town? Bit risky no?”

“Aye, reckoned ye were worth the risk.”

You took a deep breath to calm yourself. It was a strange thing looking at your own grave. Why put it here to bring you to see it? To prove that they weren't holding you to some impossible dream girl standard anymore?

“Was supposed to be a birthday present, but we're a bit late now aren't we little bird?”

Price looked tired as he emerged from the treeline. It must have been an awful few weeks for him. There was still the remnants of the fire to be looked after incase it blazed up again. It had taken out the cabin and the tower, nothing left but smouldering wrecks and a nasty looking burn creeping up his neck. All of those drawings in Simon's room gone. You don't know why that was one of the things that made you the saddest.

“Didn't feel much like celebrating anyway” you answered truthfully. 

Your birthday had been 5 days after the fire and you had spent it for the most part staring into the void and napping. You hadn't felt like celebrating your new found freedom at all. 

“We did actually get you something. Still have it, if you'd like.”

You wondered what it was. As far as you knew nothing survived the fire. But they were just things and things didn't seem all that important anymore. Not when Simon finally joined you, a purring Dosia in his arms. He was slow due to a bad left leg it seemed like. 

“OK.”

Simon let Dosia down even though she was very reluctant to go so he could take something from around his neck. He handed you the corded necklace. It had a key on the end.

“Happy birthday sweetheart.”

“What's it for?”

“Havnae given it a name yet, thought we'd leave that for you tae do.”

“It's a 20 minute drive out the other side of town, just on the treeline.”

You stared at them. You knew what they were talking about. There was a crumbling cottage out there, you knew because you had considered buying it when you had first moved here but it was more expensive than the one you had went with and you couldn't afford it. You had completely forgotten it was there.

“Hope you don't mind sweetheart, but we took the liberty of getting the electrical work done.”

“And the roof, sorry luv I know you're a good roofer but my heart cannot take watching you do that again.”

“Tae be fully honest the whole thing is already done. Got a wee bit carried away.”

All those trips into town. The way they'd come back looking tired. They had been building you a home. 

“But… no wait, that's not… you were going to let me go?”

“Couldn't keep you in a cage forever little bird.”

“You'd have gotten arrested!”

“Would we aye? For what?”

“For kidnapping me!”

“Funny thing sweetheart, nobody in town is talking about the fire because they're too busy talking about the miracle girl. Apparently survived months in the forest on her own, told the sheriff she was quite the survivalist.”

“Yeah well! You! I!” you huffed, trying to come up with any reason that you had lied that didn't sound like “I love you”. “It was a cooler story.”

They laughed and it made you smile. You couldn't do it in the end. They were not bad men, you couldn't tell the truth knowing it would see them punished and put away. When you didn't know if they were dead or alive it had brought your feelings a stunning clarity. You had fallen stupidly in love with them. 

“So what's next?”

“Don't know honestly. We're camping out and keeping an eye on things. Once the danger has passed we rebuild” Price said, hand massaging at his shoulder.

“I'm pretty handy with a hammer.”

“Yeah?”

“Suppose I could help out” you offered, fighting to keep the stupid grin off of your face as you held up the key  “after all my cottage is pretty nearby right? And this guy is going to be useless with that leg.”

“Watch it sweetheart, my teeth are still intact.”

–

John liked to joke that you would combust if you didn't have a project. Once the cabin was rebuilt (5 bedrooms, incase they had visitors obviously) you helped where you could with the tower, once that was done you wanted to redo the kitchen in the cottage, after that you talked him into taking in an abandoned dog (honestly very easy what with you and Kyle both giving your best puppy dog eyes). Dosia surprisingly seemed to enjoy the new addition, bullying the german shepherd into doing whatever she wanted. The pair of them mostly came and went as they wanted between the cottage and the cabin, thriving running wild in the forest in between. 

Simon tried to get you into football which you sort of did. You had no interest in the big games, but you'd both go and cheer on the local team when they had home games. Inevitably you both looked a mess having gotten into a bit of a paint fight when you had insisted Simon have a little flag on his cheek. You threatened to de-fang him at least once a week. Both Dosia and Riley were absolutely in love with him which both you and Johnny sulked about. You thought maybe, for Riley at least, that Simon felt safe. His leg never quite healed right so he was more cautious and slow moving now, something you thought she might find comforting. 

When Johnny wasn’t grumbling about the animals wanting nothing to do with him, he was whining at you to not get out of bed. You had never met a lazier creature than John MacTavish on a duvet day, he just wanted to cuddle and watch movies. When he was on a hyper day he wanted to redecorate which almost always ended in a fight because you disagreed on what would look good. Everytime a big video game release rolled around the two of you (and sometimes Gaz depending on the game) would just hole up for a weekend and do nothing but play. Luckily Price indulged you and usually kept you fed and watered. 

Kyle had only been half kidding about making a fire fighter out of you. It started as therapy really, a way to try and control the nightmares. He took the lead in teaching you about all the equipment, letting you observe drills and even buying you custom fitted kit. While you never did want to be near a fire again, you learned to be less scared of the idea, you learned to believe that you would know what to do if anything happened. When you hadn't panicked at a little bin fire in your cottage and instead had just dealt with it, you had showed up at the cabin bursting with excitement to tell them. 

The Firewatch went from 4 to 5. You enjoyed it, the peace and quiet and the stars as you sipped hot chocolate and looked out onto the forest. You didn’t really know what the future held for you, but against all odds you had found a family and you were well and truly happy. And if sometimes you found yourself looking through the binoculars just to check on said family, you figured that was just karma.

[subterra-rose]

omg i never thought about how haruhi ending the series single would've worked better for what ouran was trying to do until i saw your post about it?? and now i 100% agree even as someone who ships hikaharu askjfdgfdg. i also agree with what you said about tamaharu, i remember during my last reread + rewatch of the series i ended up feeling like they just worked better as friends than as a couple, honestly. i remember getting really frustrated with the development of their romance and with the comedic stuff the same way you did, even though there are things i like about their dynamic.

Yeah! Like I feel like it just would’ve made the series feel more like it was trying to subvert expectations bc like. Idk about you, but 10 volumes of characters denying their feelings gets. Really Bland to me lmao?

That isn’t to say Haruhi shouldn’t have had a romance at all, but I think having her get together with Tamaki might have just? Been better if done that way, plus a lot of the love triangle stuff would actually feel like it had weight instead of knowing basically the minute that Hikaru realizes his feelings that it was never going to happen? I do really enjoy seeing Tamaki and Haruhi interact and their relationship is built on mutual respect and admiration for each other but yeah I agree, they work better as friends in a lot of aspects than partners. I’m personally biased bc I love Hikaharu but also their dynamic felt more natural to me as they were established as better friends in some ways? But I also don’t think that them dating in high school would’ve super great either because Hikaru’s character had a lot of growing to do independently. I probably would’ve ended the series with her going off to Boston for university as normal and then go into a relationship or even had left it open ended?

A lot of my gripes with the ending have to do with the way I interpreted her character as someone who was very driven in her accomplishments and probably wouldn’t have wanted something super serious before she at least established where she was going to go because she had a very clear plan of what she wanted. The host club is pretty close knit but also I feel like they’re all very…. Co-dependent on each other sometimes? The writing near the end sometimes gets kind of messy and I’m not sure if Bisco Hatori intended for that or if the series was just getting to a point where all the story lines couldn’t be fully explored, I could never find anything if the series was cut short. Idk I have a lot of thoughts I could go off all day though LOL

[kai-keda]

how do you feel about s4 of lmk having a different showrunner and headwriter? it makes me concerned 😬😬

I’m not surprised because the Embrace Your Destiny specials had such a book-ending to them. Everything from the first season onward was tied up nicely at the end. To be perfectly honest, and friends from Discord can confirm this, I was Lowkey upset that the show was even CONTINUING after I saw that ending.

The series started with Tang having a narration about how “the story is never truly over” and it ends with Tang having a narration about how “the story is never truly over”. It’s beautiful. So it makes sense that the head writer and show runner have stepped down from the project. It’s a perfect point for it to either end or transition to something new.

Honestly, even if it was the same exact crew, my brain would be separating the first three seasons from whatever comes next because no matter what they do, it’s gonna feel disconnected from the previous stories due to that solid opening and ending.

Because that disconnect is already there for me, I’m not too worried about how future content will make me feel. That being said, there are some concerns I have based on previous experiences with fandoms and based on how I’ve seen this fandom act about “being right”.

Worst case scenario is we get another Dragon Ball Super situation. I don’t mean this in regards to the actual quality dropping, but more in how the atmosphere of the greater fandom will shift MASSIVELY.

Example Hypothetical:

DBK and PIF are shown in Season 4 to having not gotten their act together and continue treating Red Son like garbage which leads to a character arc of Red Son disconnecting himself from them entirely and fully joining the Monkie Kid Team.

Remember, whether this scenario sounds appealing or is well executed or not isn’t the point of this example.

Imagine this happens and you are left with half the fandom being excited because this is exactly what they wanted and have had all of their feelings on the subject validated by this. Meanwhile, the other half feels betrayed. There’s evidence of DBK and PIF doing better so why would they suddenly be so awful, right?

Now the part I’m concerned about is how these two halves would interact going forward.

The Dragon Ball fandom is a god dang WAR ZONE between people who don’t want to acknowledge DBS as a part of their personal canon of the series (cough cough - me) and the people who argue you HAVE to accept it (elitist dumbass assholes).

Now, don’t get me wrong, the Dragon Ball fandom is worse than the Monkie Kid fandom when it comes to forcing personal interpretations, analysis, headcanons and beliefs on other fans. But that doesn’t mean the LMK fandom doesn’t have those problems at all.

The LMK fandom ABSOLUTELY struggles with this.

See also “Wukong is canonically a father figure to MK” and “Red Son is canonically genderfluid” as only two examples. Both statements being objectively false because neither thing has EVER been stated in the canon of the show.

With the understanding that there’s a new show runner and head writer, there are - without a doubt - going to be fans who choose to say “I only go by the first part of the show”. Whether it has to do with relationship dynamics or characterization, there are going to be fans who have their current interpretations challenged by the new material and they’re going to blame the show runner/head writer rather than it just being something that filled in gaps they originally filled on their own.

Here’s my concern of how this is gonna turn out:

Rather than everyone coexisting, there’s going to be a shit show of a war between fans who don’t acknowledge anything post new crew and fans who think everyone HAS to accept everything from the show.

There’s going to be an overwhelming sense of who is “right” and “wrong” and the great LMK Civil Fandom Wank of 2023 - [whatever-year] is gonna pit brother against brother.

With the hypothetical I gave, we would see fans of the newer seasons putting the people who WANTED the Demon Bull Family to heal on blast with a sense of moral superiority via calls out stating “This user thinks you should never run away from abusive households!” (Which would not ACTUALLY be true of said user)

NOW

This isn’t GUARANTEED to happen, but I think it’s worth pointing out the possibility ahead of time. After all, being aware going in that there IS MOST DEFINITELY going to be people who don’t like what the new show runner and head writer have planned will be able to prevent us from going down a nasty path of proving why one side is “morally disgusting.”

If you or someone you know has been a victim of a Civil Fandom Wank of this type, you may be entitled to financial compensation

If you know the term “Fandom Wank” without having to look it up, you may be entitled to financial compensation

[amerrierworld]

You’ve Caught Me

for the request: Can you do an Au where Debbie flirts and seduces reader with witty and bratty banter, but then becomes a softy and takes care of the reader?

Summary: Everything is going perfectly until Debbie encounters you on a bad day.

Characters: Debbie x gn!reader, mentions of other friends and the crew

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: moping/uncertainty in the second half~

A drink appeared in front of you from the bartender. It was brightly coloured with a slice of fruit on top. Ice clinked as it was set down on the bar. You frowned in confusion.

“I’m sorry, but I didn't order this.”

“It’s from the lady by the window seat.”

You looked over and saw a brunette making eye contact with you. She sent you a bright smile, and toasted you with her glass. There was a small party of women sitting by the window with her, a few of them eyeing your interaction with the brunette. A blonde next to her nudged her with her elbow.

Then your own friends that you were with whistled and nudged you as well once you had all seen what the lady looks like. You took a sip of the freshly delivered drink, feeling the burn of alcohol and a sweet aftertaste. It was quite delicious, honestly.

You turned back to the brunette who looked at you expectantly, and you smiled and nodded, with a toast of the drink. She winked back, and then the both of you focused back on your respective friend groups, feeling giddiness crowd your emotions from the fleeting glance you had just shared.

-

“Hey, doll. You nearly forgot your purse.”

You looked to see the smokey-eyed brunette standing behind you, with your purse in her hand. You must have left it at your bar seat when you got up to leave to meet your friends at the door.

“Oh,” you frowned, the alcohol you already had making you a bit drowsy. “Thanks.”

You checked everything in your purse, confident that nothing was missing, and all your change was still there. The brunette hadn’t moved from her spot.

“What, do you want a reward or something?” you asked. She smirked a little.

“No, I’ve already got one.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that then?”

“An excuse to talk to you.”

Well alright, you weren’t expecting that. You allowed yourself to look the woman up and down as you thought about your reply. She was dressed very stylishly, with long brown hair that curled and fell in all the right places. Her nails were short, which was a very welcomed discovery. 

“Okay then, now you have the chance to talk to me,” you said, alcohol making you bolder than usual. “What do you have to say?”

She fully grinned this time and looked back around the bar as she spoke, “I would ask you to join me for a drink but I think you’ve already had your fill. How about some late take-out instead? On me.”

You contemplated, before saying, “I’d take the chance to go out with a hot stranger any day if I wasn’t a bit too drunk right now. Sorry.”

“Fair enough,” she replied. Then, “You think I’m hot?”

Oh, crap. Did you say that?

“Hmm.. I suppose I get very honest when I’m tipsy,” you answered. She chuckled this time, and you felt warm, and not because of the alcohol in your blood. 

“Yes, quite. Should I call you a cab?”

“No, thanks. I’ve got my friends here, and one of them is the DD. We’re headed to a small party, if you’d like to come?”

She quirked an eyebrow, not expecting another offer from your end. She looked at the front doors, where your gaggle of friends were eyeing you and whispering with gleeful smirks on their faces.

The stranger leaned forward, so much so that her perfume filled your senses and wisps of brown hair brushed your face,

“A bit early to go introducing me to your friends, don’t you think?”

You barked out a laugh as she pulled back again. “Oh, you wish. None of them would probably remember you by the time the hangover hits.”

She looked down at her phone for a moment and then back at you, as if she was waiting to put in her own passcode.

“What’s your code, honey?”

You frowned. Your code? But... wait. 

She was holding your phone, having nicked it from your pocket when she was so close.

“Hey!”

“Just wanna make sure you have my number. Don’t worry, I don’t steal from people I like.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Well, I said I liked you, didn’t I?”

You wordlessly put in your code for her, and she added herself to your contacts list as Hot Stranger. She smiled successfully as she handed you your phone, but a slight blush had creeped up on her cheeks.

“Careful with that. You never know who might steal it.”

You grinned and had a fleeting thought if she meant your phone or your heart. You pushed the sickeningly romantic thought away and quickly waved goodbye before hurrying back to your entourage.

-

Turns out Debbie was an unwavering flirt, in the beginning. She always managed to catch you off guard, and didn’t hesitate to compliment you when she felt like it. 

“You know other people would think you’re being way too forward, you know?”

“Does it bother you, doll?”

You sheepishly shook your head. You liked the devotion and attention, honestly. Who wouldn't? Debbie was incredible to you. On dates, through text and, yes, in bed as well. 

It all seemed like paradise. 

And then there was a shift. The expected but dreaded shift in any relationship.

One night, the both of you were put to the test. There was a knock on your door, and you grumbled under your breath, preparing to yell at whoever was stupid enough to show up at your place. It was super late, you had been busy, and if anything else came up now you’d blow your top off.

“Hey?” Debbie said, her chipper expression fading away at your stormy gaze when you opened the door. 

“Oh, it’s you,” you said, turning around and leaving the door open without another word. Startled, Debbie carefully stepped inside, watching you disappear into the kitchen.

“Why are you here?”

Debbie scoffed a little, “do you not want me here all of a sudden? How flattering.”

“No, of course not,” you grumbled as you grabbed a bottle of wine. Debbie came to stand just outside the kitchen, watching you as she took off her coat. 

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey, now. Don’t lie to me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you snapped. “Have some alcohol and just leave it, okay?”

You lifted one of the wine glasses to your mouth and were prepared to drink a mouthful. Then a firm hand gripped the base of it and pulled it down, spilling a bit of wine down your hand and on the kitchen floor.

Debbie’s eyes were glittering dangerously at you, and you relented in letting here take the glass away. She set it down on the counter.

“Don’t I even get a hello?”

Your eyes cast down to the floor and you muttered an apology. Debbie grasped your hand and squeezed your fingers reassuringly. 

“What’s the matter?” she asked again. Your shoulders slumped this time, and you glanced at your intertwined hands.

“I’ve had a shit day,” you grumbled. You hadn’t encountered a bad mood like this with your girlfriend yet, and in the back of your mind you worried about her reaction. “I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep properly. There’s so much crap to do. It’s been so busy and I hate it.”

Debbie nodded slowly as you talked on for a bit about the things that were irritating you and how annoyed you were by everything. She noticed the bags under your eyes and the firmness of your upper lip.

“Have you eaten?” she asked after you had finished. You half-shrugged. You had some take-out, that counts right? The last full meal you had was when she took you to that restaurant last weekend. 

She tutted at your non verbal response. The next few moments she rummaged through your fridge and whatever food you had lying around. 

Almost immediately after there was a plate of food under your nose.

“I didn’t know you knew how to cook,” you commented.

“You learn to fend for yourself,” she replied, grabbing your wine glass from earlier and taking a swig.

“Hey, that was mine.” She blew you a kiss. It calmed you somewhat.

“Want me to stay the night?” she asked as she cleaned up your kitchen and washed the dishes. This was the first time that she asked, because usually she would stay the night regardless of anything else.

“Do you not want to?” you asked, interpreting her question as uncertainty on her end.

“What? No, of course not, baby. I’m asking because I want to make sure you want me around.”

“Of course I want you around. I always want you around,” you confessed. 

Debbie helped in tidying up your place, which mostly just consisted of her doing the work and you sitting at the table, still numb. She eventually pulled you up to your feet to get you in pj’s and then to crash immediately on the couch, curled around you. 

“You can turn on the tv if you need some white noise,” she suggested. It was a good idea, but the bright lights were distracting you from sleeping. So instead you turned over and burrowed into Debbie’s hold, her skin warm and soft. Now it really was paradise.

A/N: finally getting through super ancient requests yes i am here and yes i am slow :)

[helena-thessaloniki]

Hi Helena! Big fan of your writing here🥺♥️ Your rivamika fics are my safe space 😭 (if you have time to answer) i’d love to know when you first started shipping them, why, and what made you continue to love this ship (or anything else to do with your journey as an RM shipper)? i love your characterisation of both levi and mikasa individually, but even more so, your portrayal of their dynamic as a couple, which is why i wanted to ask so badly ☺️ x

Hey anon! Oh woah, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, oh god, you probably shouldn't have handed me the mic. heh 😅

I’m afraid to look at the word count of this response, I’m sure it’s much more than you bargained for, but I appreciate the question and enjoyed thinking through my response (: Most importantly, I’m so glad you find my stories as a safe space. It’s really an honor. Thank you for sharing with me 🖤🖤

TL; DR As a longtime reader, writer and lover of stories and story-telling, by being someone who pays attention to how stories are crafted and deliberately developed from beginning to end, I sincerely thought Isayama was setting up rivamika as an endgame relationship. So, I read into and interpreted meaning out of ALL their interactions and became deeply invested.

I don’t necessarily ship them cause of the parallels, age gap, enemies to lover trope, height difference, or some of those common reasons and/or kinks. I’m more basic and boring than that. I love the concept of them coming together as though it’s inevitable.

They both are unbelievably strong, selfless, and have suffered so much loss— so, no one else could truly understand them as well as they can understand each other. They both probably would have always settled for a stable, simple life, and been alone and lonely even without realizing it— instead, they find each other, and realize what it means to actually no longer be alone, to do more than just survive. It’s this understated bond, as opposed to a dramatic and passionate romance, that I envision in them and that I love so much.

Then, the passion, heat, the romantic "spark"— I think that’s an added bonus, the cherry on top, the perfect final puzzle piece. They’re both so physically capable, can speak through their actions, and don’t show much need or capacity for emotional/ verbal communication, so the ability to connect with each other through physical intimacy and mind-blowing sex seems like another given.

Still, at the end of the day, for me it comes back to their ability to fully depend on each other, to the inevitability. Not like some soulmate trope where they 'have no choice' in it, but like the stars aligned to prove it's right. How each of them have only one other person on the whole planet who could see and understand them, to be on par with them, to make them realize there’s more to life than settling and surviving, and they happen to find it in each other.

You asked, I rambled 😅 Here’s a breakdown of my thought process in my rivamika journey. For those who make it to the end or want to skip to the end, I'll finish with the excerpt of the very first rivamika scene I felt compelled to to write.

I've tried before to re-watch and remember the exact scenes, exact moments, that initially captured my full attention, but I guess it was all of them, the gradual and cumulative compilation of their earliest interactions.

Mikasa always appearing cool and indifferent, and paying no attention whatsoever to others fawning over, like Jean initially falling for her, but then her strongly reacting over Levi in the courtroom showed how uniquely capable he was at getting under her skin.

Of course, the scene in the forest chasing the Female Titan was a critical one. I think of that as the first time both Levi and Mikasa were truly able to see the other's strength, mental and physical. And for them, orphans and trauma survivors who have suffered extensive loss, I think that seeing strength in another person made them feel less alone. Less alone in a deep, quiet but cataclysm, life-altering sort of way, even if not a romantic one. Like they didn't know it was something they didn't have, something they didn't expect to get from life, but then found it with each other.

(Even when we found out Levi was an Ackerman, I was disappointed if it meant they were immediate relatives, but willing to accept it wouldn't be a romantic end to loneliness, it would be a familial end to loneliness. But... the author never explored that. Not once.)

In that forest scene, manga and anime, the way that Levi pauses to really look and see Mikasa and think about who she is, what she’s gone through, and how strong and dedicated she is now— that was a defining moment. It was also a visual demonstration of Levi breaking character, from aloof and ruthless, to considering and curious. I thought Yams was showing both of them do that on purpose.

Then, Levi getting hurt because of Mikasa in that scene felt like another clue. Sure, it was while saving Eren, and sure, it could have been meant to humanize super-soldier Levi, or sure, it could have been another aspect of how Mikasa rushing into things over Eren ends up hurting other people that later changes in her character development, but it felt like a very pointed statement about Mikasa being a vulnerability for Levi. And that's swoon-worthy, right? Most of us have been exposed to and conditioned by stories about how special and romantic it is to be the one and only girl who can make an otherwise disinterested or unattainable guy actually pay attention to her, and so admittedly I fall right for it.

I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty, but the opening of season 3 felt like confirmation. When Levi figures out Kenny's behind things and entrusts Mikasa with instructions to share with the others, instructions about fighting people instead of titans that ultimately everyone else besides her struggles with, and when Mikasa lets Levi hold her back from chasing after Eren, her most important way of trusting and having faith in Levi, I honestly took that as cues from the author that rivamika was endgame. I let myself get truly invested from then on. That’s that understated bond I was referring to. To me, that unspoken but undeniable trust is the most important dynamic.

Seeing them fight together or fight similarly has always been fun and powerful and fulfilling.

I'm newer to the snk club. I was originally an anime-only fan and started watching in fall 2019, I think. I wasn't on tumblr, twitter, or anything else to see fandom discourse. So, I didn't know that the rooftop scene of Mikasa fighting Levi over the serum was such a staple for our ship until much later. I love the scene just like many do for all the reasons we do, but I don't think the actual scene was pivotal for me, so much as it's aftermath. I thought it represented two things.

One, it was an important marker in Levi's characterization. Hands-down one of the most striking scenes to me is the one where Levi is in the alley, somber and alone, listening in on Eren, Armin, and Mikasa talking together. It artfully shows his longing for hope and connection. So, when Levi chose Armin for the serum, that represented Levi choosing hope. And when Mikasa ultimately gave up fighting Levi and didn't choose Armin, which Armin finds out about later on, I see that as an important marker in Mikasa's development. It puts a wedge between her and Armin/Eren [Armin, because he knows she would have let him die, and Eren, because Armin is too special to him and he couldn't look at her the same way after realizing she would have let him die]. That distance between her and her childhood friends is one I don't think could ever be healed completely, one of those painful lessons in growing up. By doing that, it then also puts a distance in Mikasa's own childhood self to her current self. I thought that matured her and separated her out in a way that was another clue toward eventual rivamika developments.

That's a whole other conversation on Mikasa, but I’ll stay on track. Her love for Armin was absolutely authentic and fierce, but at the end of the day, at the core of her being, she chose survival over hope. Meanwhile, Levi chose hope over survival. To me, that was soft, fertile ground for the reasons why eventually, if/when Mikasa found hope and chose hope, that could directly tie together with her inevitably in coming together with Levi. Again, less butterflies and fireworks, but more natural and in a way that was just a given.

I wrote Beyond the Walls before reading the manga from the Marley Arc and on, so that's why most of that story is her journey into embracing that hope. *manga spoilers* There's a lot of meta, criticism and talk about Mikasa's silent, off-screen and subtle style of character development in the Marley Arc and afterward. I won't go down that road, I'm still processing the end of the manga to be honest, but I think it's fair to say she does eventually end up choosing hope over survival when she lets go of Eren and saves humanity instead. I love the “Stay with Me” line and think it’s perfect; a simple but profound display of trust and their deep-rooted bond in a really understated way. *end manga spoilers*

Here's something I always wanted to talk about in full but haven't. It honestly reads to me like Yams was building toward rivamika, and didn’t do anything to stop that until too late. There are tools authors can use to ensure we stop shipping a pair or start shipping a new one; love triangles are commonly used in every artistic medium and we’ve all been persuaded by these tools. But Yams didn’t use these tools to make sure readers didn’t feel convinced by rivamika. For all the reasons I listed above, more I'm forgetting, and for the following:

If he wanted us to think they were family and it would be incest, he should have added in a conversation between them realizing they were (close) family and that they weren't the only ones left in their biological family like they thought. But he didn't.

If he wanted us to think it was completely inappropriate between a child-and-adult and student-and-teacher, then he could have done something to ensure Mikasa looked childish or Levi looked older, but no. They barely look ten years apart. I do think it's unacceptable and that there's a power imbalance between a child-and-adult relationship regardless of that, and that there can't be true consent when one is a superior and another a subordinate, so I personally age-up Mikasa in my head and try to handle his position of power responsibly in my writings... but the point being, by the end of canon, there's no inappropriate or non-consensual romance between them, yet there's a lot of history and chemistry that could naturally lead to an age-appropriate and consensual relationship. If Yams didn't want us to think so, he could have made it more clear that there were reasons it wouldn't happen.

The only thing that makes sense to me is the author planned on rivamika endgame but was shamed/pressured out of it (either internally or due to others) OR that the author somehow accidentally created such vibrant chemistry and an incredible dynamic between them. Like, he didn't put enough convincing substance of eremika in, didn't make Levi look old enough, didn’t have one of them do something unforgivable in the other’s eyes, etc. Those are some of those tools he could have used. Romance was never a key component in snk. And since we now know Yams planned or needed eremika endgame for sake of plot and the conclusion of the manga, I personally think he didn't know what to do with the riveting rivamika substance and chemistry being much more convincing to readers. Once he had them so well built-up, maybe the only option he felt he had was to just stop putting the characters together. We get little-to-no rivamika interaction, platonic or practical, after season 3 all the way up until the very end. But there was so much of it beforehand ?? So, it simply doesn't make sense. I think the author just straight-up cut any and all interactions out between them because it was too convincing and moving, more convincing and substantial than eremika. But, as the end of canon shows, we needed to have some eremika buy-in. It's messy writing and unskilled in the romance department, but considering for how long and how complicated snk has been in a creative process and how lackluster the eremika romance (the main and apparently pivotal romance) is developed, I think it’s plausible to say the author effed up.

As far as writing fanfiction goes, there's just so much room to explore them. In canon, we aren't given enough insight into their individual perspectives, let alone their dynamic together, so it feels like a blank canvas to work from. I think that's part of why I love to write them, and also why I don't necessarily read much of them. When I first started shipping them while watching the anime, I read a few of the classics that were canon-verse, but I haven’t really read much since. For me, exploring and discovering them as a writer is the most fun. (It's one of the reasons Naruto and Harry Potter have such large fanfiction collections. There's so much world-building and so many characters, but there's also so much left to the imagination.)

In general, I'm drawn to strong characters, especially women, who are multidimensional enough to be real, vulnerable and soft. Mikasa is the pinnacle of that. I don’t necessarily like to write about her love or infatuation with Eren, but I do respect and admire and consider it integral to her character and her amazing capacity to love. We can have strong, kickass women who falter when it comes to love but are still considered strong for it. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive and Mikasa is a beautiful example of that.

And Levi is strong, but real and vulnerable too; he’s honestly a fantastically developed character, from Petra explaining to Eren in the beginning how he’s not the amazing hero he’s painted to be to the public, to how Levi genuinely cares for Erwin and others and chooses hope despite all he’s suffered.

The end of the manga wrecked me a bit. Kind of like Games of Thrones. You have something that was so epic and well-done for so long, a rushed ending that isn't immediately sensical and isn't fulfilling is hard to stomach. Eventually, I'll move on from the denial of that and process what I think and feel about it. The whole reason we have fanfiction is to expand on canon, but it's made me put rivamika on the back burner until I figure it out. So I'm a little less hyper-fixated on the pairing right now even though interacting with you all and asks like this remind me what brought me here in the first place. 😊

To conclude, I’ll share that the very first rivamika content I wrote was a compilation of moments I thought could be inserted into season 3. These are still moments I plan to edit and publish one day. For anyone that actually read this far, I’ll put a rough and unedited excerpt of the first scene I ever wrote about them.

Thank you again anon 🖤😊

BEGIN EXCERPT [after the rooftop fight for the serum, immediately following the ceremony where Eren touched Historia by kissing her hand]:

Part of her was embarrassed at such a flagrant act of disobedience to a superior, especially to one who saved her and countless others' lives in the past. But mostly, she was anguished by the situation Captain Levi put her in once he revoked the serum meant to save Armin and planned to use it on Commander Erwin instead. Her current ostracization and self-loathing was not entirely her own fault. Anger she felt toward herself was just as easy to wield against him.

It must have shown in the grit of her teeth or defiant tone, because he turned to look at her, more aloof than curious.

Like a flint struck to steel, it ignited the fury she felt toward him.

“I shouldn’t have hesitated. I should have just killed you,” she answered him at last, piercing him with eyes darker than the night.

He wasn’t concerned. “You’re good, but not that good.”

Her hands fell to her side, fists clenched as she stood with a single, fluid movement. Before she could let loose a threat, he sighed.

“What’s the problem, Ackerman?” He was dismissive, his shoulders relaxed and posture loose.

The fire too furious to contain, she went sailing for him with the same speed from the battlefield. Her fingers already curled, she tightened her grasp as she swung her fist into his gods-damned apathetic face.

Levi wasn’t unprepared. He easily side-stepped her, then snatched her wrist to steal her momentum. Though he tried to toss her aside, she was no less fast; Mikasa dug her heel in and spun, her other arm shoving hard into his chest.

Too graceful to stumble, Levi used the chance to hook her second arm too. He caged both her wrists in a grip so strong, she was sure it bruised her bones. Still, he only looked at her warily, almost bored.

“Shouldn’t you be grateful? I chose Armin.” If his reminder was meant to ease her anger, it had the opposite effect.

Fury and desperation gifted her additional strength. She shoved into his chest hard. Levi shifted backward, nearly forced into loosening his grip; within that split second of an opening, Mikasa slammed her elbow into his chin, rocking his head backward.

“You did,” she seethed, but as fast as the fire inside her exploded, it was doused. Her next words came out broken and damp. “But I didn’t.”

Levi remained stern and otherwise unmoving as he attempted to flex his jaw through the spasm of pain. As the momentum of the fight died down, he loosened his hold on her wrists and evaluated her distraught frame.

Mikasa immediately released her own hands and turned away from him, eyes stinging from tears she refused to shed as she focused on the stars ahead. Admitting the harsh words aloud hurt her far more than any injury she could inflict onto him.

Not only was Armin one of the only friends she had, but he’d been a steadfast one throughout almost all she could remember of her life. After the trauma of her childhood, it was Eren and Armin who embraced her, whom she learned to love. Now, though, there was a wedge between her and Armin she was not sure could ever be removed. What was worse, as deplorable and selfish as she knew it proved her to be, was the painful wedge it now put between her and Eren too.

Once again, she found Levi standing at the peripheral of her sight, close enough to see but far enough to be a blur at the edge of her watery vision.

“You almost killed me.” Levi repeated his earlier words, but he said them with an odd bite, torn between frustration and patience. “You would have killed me to save him.”

Too late, Mikasa realized he hadn’t meant these words as an accusation, but an odd form of validation. She bit her bottom lip, teeth puncturing too hard; the tang of metal was sharp on her tongue when she swallowed blood.

“You thought about letting your closest friend die,” Levi said quietly, tiredly. “But I did let mine die. I left him for dead, when I could have saved him.”

Mikasa was startled from her selfish reverie, for the first time acknowledging the sacrifice he made on that fateful afternoon. She’d been too absorbed in her own relief, and then, her own regrets to consider what the decision had done to him.

For a brief moment, she considered turning to face him, but the stark reality of the matter made her refrain. How could she feel pity for his loss, when his loss enabled her gain? An uncomfortable knot tightened in her stomach.

“Tch,” Levi sighed. He was only one notch less taciturn, but for him, that was soft. “You’ll live with your guilt, and I’ll live with mine.”

His words granted Mikasa’s tears the permission to spill. She buried her face further into her scarf, both hands trembling at the worn threads. As quietly as he arrived onto the roof, Levi disappeared from it.

.

.

It was rare for him to indulge in alcohol or celebrations, but Erwin’s absence felt more tangible than his presence ever did. Levi distracted himself with the chaos of the few remaining Scouts that Erwin had died entrusting his legacy to, and attempted to drown the pain with whatever drink Connie Springer shoved into his hands.

He found Hanji with their ale long-forgotten about on the table as they half-stood from their seat, frantic while explaining some morbid experiment in great, vivid detail to an unsuspecting and slightly horrified MP officer.

Though Levi wordlessly took the seat beside them, Hanji paused their rant to slap him hard on the back, an enthusiastic greeting flying from their drunken lips. The MP took this chance to excuse himself, a pathetic attempt at politeness, but Hanji either didn’t care or didn’t notice.

“Ah, Levi,” they smiled at his drink, though it didn’t entirely reach their one eye. “Where you been?”

Levi didn’t answer. “You know, shitty-glasses, you’re even more unbearable about your experiments when you’re drunk.”

Hanji waved dismissively and reached for their ale. Years spent in battle and command together had gifted both of them with an eased familiarity, and sometimes, genuine friendship. In the same manner he ignored their question, Hanji ignored his lack of response and went on with their original inquiry.

“Careful, Captain,” Hanji warned lightly. “Now that there’s far fewer Scouts, you having a favorite might cause some division.”

Even though Hanji meant the words, there was a glint of mischief that twinkled in their remaining eye.

“It’s not favoritism,” Levi countered bluntly, turning his vision toward the young man on the far side of the room. “Eren is simply the best chance that we have in this war.”

Hanji laughed as if he’d made a joke and Levi looked back to stare at them, unable to be surprised at their quirks or oddities any longer, but still a touch curious about what spurned this current demonstration.

“I wasn’t talking about Eren,” Hanji said at last, a pointed nod toward his injured chin.

Levi blinked. He didn’t realize he was nursing his injury with the hand not on his drink. As though it were too hot to touch, Levi dropped his hand.

Hanji was not judgmental, nor inquisitive. In a war-torn life of losing too many cadets entrusted to him, the fact that Levi found a soldier with the strength and skill to remain safe was not only rare, but worth special attention. Still, it made him too lenient.

“Sometimes I think you’d let her get away with murder,” Hanji chided halfheartedly.

When he thought of Erwin dead in his grasp, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he already had.

[ratinthedeadhouse]

Forbidden Love

My heart is devoted to the one I shouldn’t love...

Fyodor x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Trying to keep it fluff.

"... A demon you say?" You question with hesitation, pale face bearing a frown as you try to put all the puzzles together. "That man is the super ability user and a terrorist that Yokohama is so desperate to catch? The very man, I spent countless evenings going to museums and libraries with? The very man with his astonishing diamond brain had helped me solve several murder cases?"

Silence settled between you and other Special Division Forces agents who glared at you with fear or utter confusion.

Nobody knew of your accidental connection with Fyodor Dostoevsky, or simply known as Demon Fyodor, and it sure was a surprise to you when your (e/c) eyes noticed a familiar face on all the screens and papers in the office with a screaming title: 'Wanted Criminal. Terrorist. Fyodor Dostoevsky. Highest rank ability user. Ability unknown.'

You honestly had no idea who the mysterious slender man was when you first met him at the museum. He looked charmingly tired, sharp purple eyes looked deeply into your soul while you both stood, rather awkwardly, near a woodblock painting that depicted the suffering of young children and women. Their weak bodies engulfed by flames, others were drowning in the peaceful veil of water. Despite the horrible scenario the colours united in harmony making you both stare at it for longer than you should have.

"The choice of the colour pallet... It mocks their suffering" you stated after a while, rather talking to yourself but hoping, subconsciously, that a curious stranger with a funny white hat would respond to your comment. To your amusement he did.

"Mhm," he nodded at first, pinching his chin like philosophers do while thinking and then slowly added: "Maybe the painter wanted to tell us that not all sufferings are recognizable at first glance. I noticed when walking up to the painting, the bright colours made me think of happiness and kindness, however, now that we stand closer to it we see that their very souls are in terrible agony" Fyodor's voice was soft like moonlight rays with a gentle touch of a foreign accent.

"I suppose... It depicts life itself. We never know how much one suffers due to the façade they’re putting" you said with a sad smile. At this very moment you looked delightful, Fyodor found a strange pleasure in watching your serious face merging into a saddened frown. And oh, he did it on purpose. He could've chosen a less explicit interpretation of the absurd painting but in his calculated mind he knew that this version would strike you the most... And he was right.

You still didn't move from the tiny painting, twirling a strand of your silky, (h/c) hair around your finger, beautiful eyes glued to the painting but your thoughts wandered far away. 

It took one glance from Fyodor to understand your entire being, no matter how complicated you think of yourself - to him you are an open book, and he could not resist the urge to live the faint mark on one of those innocent, white pages. 

“I apologize if my interpretations upset you, miss...” started Fyodor with a polite smile curving upon his frail face, but was interrupted by your sudden enthusiastic reply:

“Oh, please don’t apologize. One is a fool if they are not moved or hurt by art” your voice was gentle and soft and Fyodor couldn’t help but love your words. 

Perhaps you two were more similar than he thought at first. In any case, enchanted by your watchful careful eyes, your smile and graceful movements of your hands, your speech and voice - he couldn’t just let you go like that, out of his sight. 

A man tilted his head sideways a little, looking pleasantly amused, letting his dark locks fall upon his cheek, gently. “It seems that I found a charming lady who shares a similar view on things with me” something bittersweet hid in his words but it didn’t matter to you. 

With a small, delightful laugh you move your right hand forward: “My name is, (y/n). A pleasure to meet you” 

Expecting a handshake you watched as the man in a long dark cape came closer, gently grabbed your pale small hand and softly kissed the back of your hand;

“A beautiful name for a beautiful lady” he murmured watching how your pupils dilate. “My name is Fyodor. Would you agree to spend the rest of the evening in my company?”

Walking around with a stranger whom you’ve just met seemed like a ridiculous idea... But you felt safe around him, although his eyes were dark as a bottomless well, you agreed but made a promise to yourself to stay on guard. However, he cast away all your suspicions in just a few hours. 

You became good friends, discussing ancient Myths and modern poetry embarked on philosophical journeys sitting in the dim corner of the library simply enjoying the presence of each other. He even played his cello for you under the mocking bright moon. His words and the depths of thought sometimes caught you off guard however, you were able to track his line of thoughts and in return challenged him with your endless and charming affection. 

Fyodor never learnt what the word love truly meant. He could explain its psychological and physiological effect but never experienced it himself. He was in absolute control over his feelings and that is why he felt confused when you would meet him with a bright, loving smile that changed into a slightly concerned frown when you noticed dark eye-bags on his face. Why did you notice it? Why did you care? Who gave you the power to capture his heart so suddenly and so... wrongly? 

For the first time in a long while, Dostoevsky felt as if he made a dreadful mistake. At first, he thought of you as a pawn. Easy to move and easy to get rid of. But you reminded him of himself... yet you were so much better! Despite your intellect and wittiness, you had a warm, loving heart, that even accepted a demon like him. It all changed when you finally opened up to him about your placement of work. That’s when he realised how forbidden your relationship would be. Soon you would find out anyway about his identity, his goals and... it would wound you. Deeply. 

Soon he stopped coming to the museum where you two would usually meet. You remember that day. You took his favourite tea from the shop and held it in your cold hands while the hot drink burnt your fingers. 

‘He will never come again’

You felt as if you lost a piece of your heart. But you never cried about it and kept all the memories of the mysterious man named Fyodor close to your heart, or rather what was left of your heart. 

But now it all makes sense. The puzzle is complete. You stand in the room full of your colleagues who proceed to glare at you in silent amusement and your heart leapt in ecstasy. The adrenaline rushed through your blood as your cheeks turned red - you felt like the main character of your own story, engaged in a forbidden relationship with the demon himself. 

You didn’t care about the consequences but on entering the Special Prison for the restrained Ability Users, shadows of doubt crept within your heart. 

“Please wait here, ma’am. You sure you want to interrogate him?”

“Yes” 

“In terms of emergency, we won’t be able to assist you immediately... ” 

“I understand”

The heavy door was shut behind you, a metal desk was drilled into the floor and so were the chairs. No windows - just solid rock walls that reminded you of a medieval dungeon, except there were no cracks at all. Finally, you heard footsteps and another door before you was opened. 

“Good afternoon, Fyodor,” you said in a strict tone trying to hide your excitement as much as you could. 

His lilac eyes widened in surprise, thin lips parted as he watched you right there before him. In his head, he tried to process why you came out of your way to see him? Did he not abandon you back then? Did you not realise what a hateful creature he was? 

“(Y/n)... Why are you here?” he questioned curiously. 

You were now completely alone in the interrogation - underground cell. He watched you come closer to him with a soft smile looking with kindness into his soulless eyes... 

“Why, you ask? Because I love you. That is the only concept you failed to fully understand. Monsters have hearts as well, they just need to learn how to love” words fell softly from your rosy lips while Fyodor closed his eyes and chuckled to himself. 

“Talking to you is pure joy (y/n)! Love is the ultimate atonement of all human sins. Even a Devil needs someone to love him at the end of his immortal life...“

“... Angels did fight for Faust’s soul at the end, despite all his reckless deeds” you added referencing the work of a German poet, Goethe. 

Fyodor sighed. He reached his slender cold hand towards you and you grabbed it without hesitation. 

“Will you be... my angel, (y/n)?”

You nodded raising your bright eyes at him. A soft kiss was placed upon your forehead before he hugged you letting you bury your face in his shoulder. You were like a blooming flower in his deadly grip... but he would never hurt you. Ever. 

People say the forbidden fruit is sweet... But is it so for the forbidden love that burns like fire?

 lmao part 2 is gonna be saddddd (if I get the motivation to even write it) 

[sprawa-przybyszewskiej]

I would like to present (extremely briefly; it's more of an invitation to their thoughts rather than anything else) two approaches that touch on a creative technique used by Przybyszewska, which has been spotted by some of her scholars, albeit each in its own way. Ewa Graczyk maintains that Przybyszewska did not write a historical drama in any way, but rather described a completely different reality, an universum in which the same events happen, but which doesn't take place on Earth, with us in it. She describes, then, something which I call The French Revolution', taking after mathematics' nomenclature. Kazimiera Ingdahl, on the other hand, spots traces of gnostic and manichean ideologies in Przybyszewska's writing, which, as we all know, are based solidly on the contrast between Heaven and Hell, knowledge and numbness, soul and mind. I mention them here solely to point out there is a dualism in her works, it is important and easily recognizable.

I have nowhere near the amount of erudition these scholars do, so I will constrict myself to some more visible matters. In my previous post about Antoine, I've made a remark that stuck with me for far longer than I had expected, and so I decided to elaborate on it.

The passage I'm talking about is this: because it could potentially reveal Saint-Just as another Danton-like minded individual, looking for power for himself through sacrifices of others. I want to explore whether Przybyszewska really did construct both of them alike?

To me it appears very probable, as crazy as it sounds. First of all, ALL of the personages are created in some reference to Robespierre. He is the only singular, original mind amongst them all, not to mentoin an axis around which other revolve, and so all of them, whether we like it or not, are somewhat similar to each other. Second of all, she clearly went in the direction of mirroring certain scenes, ideas, expressions (which I personally love to track down and compare them later), and it's exactly the same when talking about certain individuals. The two pairs (Robespierre – Saint-Just and Danton – Desmoulins) come to mind right away. They are constructed as parallels at least in some aspects and at least to some extent.

Wouldn't that, however, put Saint-Just and Desmoulins on the same/similar level, aren't they the ones who creat a parallel pair? Well, yes and no. I think they are a unit when it comes to personal matters, for rather obvious reasons. But I also think they are both put in similar situations, and yet their thinking is polar opposite of each other. They are both allowed to Robespierre's most personal sphere, and yet their reactions are completely different, which is one among the reasons as to why one of them meets a sad end by all accounts, and the other can die somewhat happy (as I will always mantain: if Przybyszewska managed to finish Thermidor, I am one hundred percent sure she would depict Antoine as one dying boldly and proudly, if only beause he died for a great cause and alongside Robespierre). On the other hand, spiritually and mentally, Camille resembles Maxime way, way more than Danton. They are both... maybe not exactly soft, but emotional. The main difference between them is Maxime is able to rein his feelings in when necessary (again, not always, not completely; vide his late night visit at Desmoulins', vide his attempt and saving him from the Luxembourg Palace), but as far as differences go, this one is actually minor. They are put in different positions, but their reactions are similar.

I would also wager to say Saint-Just and Robespierre don't have that much in common with each other in the plays, leaving out their political stances and their relationship. They are very different in terms of character traits: Maxime is more forgiving, calmer, quieter in all aspects. Antoine is more of a quicksilver, and also is regarded more as a tool in Maxime's hands, which I mean in the best way possible. While he has his own opinions, sometimes quite different to that of Robespierre's, he only entertains them in Maxime's presence, so that no one can put a splinter between them and turn them against each other. When they are turned against each other (during their quarrels, yes, but also during Thermidor, which is a beautiful study of such a case), he defers to Maximilien humbly and holds no grudges against him. This is pretty much the only soft side he ever presents to the audience, for when facing any other characters, he is sarcastic  if not downright hostile, the only exception I can think of being Eleonore. He's not gentle, not even with Robespierre whom he respects so much.  (I cannot get over how badly Wajda interpreted this in his movie, where in his very first scene Antoine brings Maxime an apple-tree branch in full blossom; while a sweet gesture, it made little sense, for the director not only didn't establish their special bond in any way, cutting their very important scene in Act II and a lot of their exchange of words in Act V out, but completely ignored the fact that in the play they did talk about trees blossming, but it was Maxime who pointed this out to Antoine. Honestly, it would make much more sense if in the movie he was the one giving Antoine flowers; altough I don't trust it would be executed well, so perhaps the best scenario would be to drop it altogether.)

This leaves Antoine and Danton as the unlikely pair. Here I wouldn't necessarily say they are put in different positions (following my train of comparison), because – depending on if you believe the confrontation between Danton and Robespierre to be honest or not – there is enough evidence in the play to mantain both of them want to  establish power over nation through Robespierre. Danton is the villain of the play, but he isn't blind, he too wants to use Maximilien as a face of the dictature, as a tool to obtain more "normal" power for himself (normal power here would equal to money, respect, high office; the "abnormal" power is what Robespierre sort-of-dreams-of, an influence over people to direct them into doing what is necessary for the good of the whole of the nation, or better yet, the world). And Antoine wants more or less the same thing, the exception being he doesn't care at all for personal gains. He doesn't necessarily believe in Robespierre's visions of the future, one could even argue he doesn't understand them (this is clearly shown in Thermidor, where he reacts with a headache once Robespierre unfolds his plan in front of him: Stop it, Maxime. I can't keep up with you anymore.); he does, however, see the neccesity of establishing the dictature or some other extraordinary mean to obtain the total power over the state. Both he and Danton are blessed with a far-fetching political vision, the only thing differentiating them from Robespierre is that he's a much more brilliant chess player than any of them, when they can see few moves forward, he's already seen all the possible outcomes of the match. And all of these outcomes are bad, for Maxime is characterised as a pessimist, while Antoine and Danton are, generally speaking, optimistically inclined. Youthful foolishness indeed, except Antoine is not foolish! He's just optimistic. In Danton, the optimism takes a form of boldness and bravado, in Saint-Just it manifests as an unwavering faith in the one he considers to be so much more superior to himself, and also a certain amount of contempt for the ones he considers to be inferior. This is another trait he shares with Danton, and we have to admit, Przybyszewska did a really good job at presenting the same trait in them both in such different ways, that we like one, hate the other.

There is also the matter of how they treat Camille and what they think of him. Here, both are jealous, I think. Jealous of the special place Camille has in Robespierre's heart, scornful of his abilities as a politician and a journalist, disinclined to him as a person. Danton cares for him as far as his utility in being a leverage on Robespierre goes, but I don't think he hoards any warm feelings for him personally, and I don't say it only because he was willing to sacrifice Camille purely out of spite. A much better example to show what I mean is that Danton seems to have a much better functioning, more honest and professional relationship with Delacroix than with Camille, whom he keeps in the dark about absolutely everything from start to finish. I don't know if it was meant to be a symbol or not, but in their very last scene in the jail cell, Camille has to beg Danton not to snuff out the candle, which Danton does, albeit very reluctantly. In turn, Saint-Just talks about Camille in language dripping with contempt and jealousy of purely personal kind, offending him left and right, right to Robespierre's face – not to hurt Maxime, but to "open his eyes", so to speak. In one particularly harsh sentence he compares Camille to a dog, a child and a prostitue all in one breath. He not only doesn't regard him as an opponent, but barely recognizes him as a human being worth respect, in which he is sadly very similar to Danton.

Weirdly enough, they both regard Maximilien as human, which I think is interesting to notice. It would be really easy to write them in such a style that leaves way for them to see Robespierre as something more, something almost extraterrestrial, somebody who posseses abilites greater than normal humans do. And yet:

The first image is from The Last Nights of Ventose, my own translation, and it's directly from Antoine's compassionate speech. I didn't include Robespierre's response, because he just deflected, but deflection does mean he doesn't fully agree, so it's yet another similarity.

One more thing that comes to mind in a comparison like this is that Danton threatens Robespierre with the ultimate power. He doesn't think that Maxime will be able to live with it, with himself, if he ever decides to go this one step futher and become a dictator. Is this is because he wouldn't be able to live with himself, or does he truly underestimate Maxime, or he simply wants to make sure Maxime would not go in this direction precisley because he knows he would then be ustoppable? How very telling then, that in Antoine's mouth the very same thing is not a threat, but a promise! This ultimate power is born out of necessity, and it's a grace for the whole nation, because no other person could bear the weight of this "crown", but Maxime.

The main difference between Saint-Just and Danton, I think, is something which we have to believe, it's not written clearly anywhere, and this is also the thing I briefly touched uppon in the aforementioned post: we have to believe that Antoine has pure intentions, because we sure know Danton does not. These were the embers fueling the suspiscion in Maxime when he couldn't understand why Antoine would possibly push for the dictature so much – is his heart pure? This sounds overly dramatic, perhaps, but I think this dramaticism aligns perfectly with Maxime's overall characterisation. I think all readers believe in his good intentions, and the parallels constructing the characters help immensely in this judgement, for if Danton is rotten to the core, Antoine is as steady and pure as a marble column. Robespierre even calls one a pig, while the other deserves to be named an Apostle of liberty.

There is, however, another similarity between them, too. Both Antoine and Danton are willing to be dishonest in order to achieve their goals. This is this one thing that's hard for Robespierre to swallow, for he – like Camille – values honesty really highly and if he could, he'd always act honestly. Saint-Just, not to mention Danton, has no such scrupules. He sees the greater necessity as something erasing all other circumstances, and for this greater picture he is willing to sacrifice some of his integrity as a human being. With Danton, the situation is even less complex, for I don't believe he would be sacrificing his integrity in any way – this dishonesty lays at his very core and comes natural to him.

The arguments Saint-Just presents, and which differs from Robespierre's point of view, are also different from that of Danton's. Danton's vision of the present is filled with contempt for the people, for the masses who are less brilliant than him and few others are. It is worth noting that Przybyszewska really did think like this, this is something she believed in and while reading Danton's speeches in Act II Scene 3, what we actually hear is her own train of thoughts. The only difference is that she didn't disdain the people they way he did. She thought that being a mass, an unnamed pulp of flesh is not a bad thing (it was perhaps unfortunate, and I am sure thinking she was a genius like Robespierre helped her in maintainign this view). Base material is a nourishment for those who will lead these masses. We – the lesser people – are absolutely necessary for them – the greater ones – so that they can lead us out of the night and into the new epoch of enlightement, and there is nothing humiliating in being this nourishment/tool/base. Danton understood it only partially, for he wasn't ready for the greatest sacrifice of all: to be a genius, one has to get rid of everything personal, all needs and desires must be kept aside, and never again spoken of. Robespierre understood it, and I think Antoine did too. I think the best evidence for it is that he said, that he doesn't consider himself to be Robespierre's equal. Recently I hoped to prove it was a silent declaration of love; now I want to point out it is one because it showed Robespierre that Antoine understood this great sacrifice one has to make in order to be a leader, and in his own way, he has already done this. He has brushed aside personal vain and glory, his amour-propre, he degraded himself in order to magnify Maxime's importance. Danton may say: It's you whom I adore, but it is Antoine who shows it through his actions as well as his words.  

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[apparently-artless]

Call Me Eijun-Senpai! [A DnA Fanfic]

Summary: Sawamura couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Okumura hates his very existence but he’s just being considerate enough not to say it straight to his face. Seto, Okumura’s best friend, thinks otherwise.

Relationships: Okumura Koushuu & Sawamura Eijun || Okumura Koushuu & Seto Takuma || Sawamura Eijun & First Year Seidou Members

Additional Tags: Slice of Life || Kuramochi is a Doting Brother || Okumura is Emotionally Constipated || Sawamura Eijun Learned a Thing or Two from Miyuki || Fluff & Humor || Attempt at Humor || Sawamura Eijun is the Ace || This is not Romance BTW

It was the day their last practice game had ended. As usual, Sawamura was off to the cafeteria to watch the recorded video so he can check his form again. With the summer tournament coming up, he needed to make the Numbers near to perfection.

Upon arriving at the cafeteria, Okumura was already sitting in front of the television, a scorebook on his left hand and the remote control on his right. Also, there was a vacant chair right next to him.

“Geh! You bit me to it again, Okumura-shounen!” Sawamura bellowed upon seeing the 1st-year catcher.

Okumura did not respond but just glanced at the southpaw pitcher.

“Well, why don’t we watch it together, then? I have a lot of things to say regarding your play in that last game,” the catcher stated with his typical vacant expression.

“We-Well, I don’t really mind watching it with you.”

“Please take a seat. I’ll be playing the video now.” Okumura motioned Sawamura to sit right next to him.

The whole game was one-and-a-half-hour long which means it took Okumura to make some comments about the southpaw pitcher’s performance for 1.5 hours. As usual, Okumura was very willing to give the pitcher compliments when needed and scold him unreluctantly on pitches he thought might not be good. Also, let’s not forget the part where the younger would seamlessly remind the older to be calm and quiet on the mound.

It was almost dinner time when they finished reviewing the game. Halfway while watching the video, Watanabe had already joined them and would add some comments as well to Sawamura’s performance. When they noticed a lot more of the members were now entering the cafeteria, they decided to call it for now as they turned off the television and fixed the chairs.

Okumura gently placed the scorebook that he borrowed from Umemoto on one of the tables to help his senpais from arranging the chair. As they were still conversing while dragging the chairs, one of the members placed an open bottle near the scorebook. Sawamura, who’s busy scratching his head while having an idiotic smile upon hearing praises from Watanabe, accidentally pushed the chair too hard right next to the table, making the opened water bottle tumble and spill right on the scorebook.

Upon seeing the mess he had made, Sawamura hurried to the kitchen to ask some of the staff some clean rags. Only when he returned did he notice that the scorebook was already drenched with the water that spilled from the bottle.

“Wah! I’m so sorry Okumura-shounen! I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Sawamura was obviously panicking while gently cleaning the table together with the scorebook.

“It’s okay, Sawamura-senpai. Thankfully, it’s just water so I can just rewrite the scorebook again,” the catcher responded as he tried to retrieve the scorebook from Sawamura’s hands.

“No! It’s my fault that this happened to begin with. I should be the one to do it!” Sawamura retorted as his nostrils flared.

“Reading a scorebook and writing one are two different things, Sawamura-senpai,” Okumura said inattentively. “Have you ever tried writing on a scorebook before?”

“Well, I…” Sawamura hesitated in responding. “No, not really.”

Okumura just sighed. Honestly, he wasn’t really angry. It was an accident and he can’t seem to find the right words to make the southpaw pitcher understand that he was not the least bit bothered about rewriting one scorebook. Aside from that, he only felt that it was right to take responsibility as he’s the one who borrowed the scorebook.

Watanabe, who noticed the awkward silence between the two, decided to intervene so as not to make matters worse.

“Don’t worry, Sawamura-kun. Okumura’s pretty much used to writing in a scorebook. It will be done in no time if it’s just rewriting the pages,” he said as he tapped Sawamura’s shoulder. “Okumura, we still have an hour before dinner, I’ll go and get a new scorebook so you can rewrite it before we eat. In that way, you can still read the scorebook properly before the ink fades.”

Okumura just nodded.

“Then, I’ll be accompanying you so I can go straight to my room afterward,” Okumura responded.

The two walked out of the room while Sawamura was left in the cafeteria, still bothered about the incident. To clear his head, he decided to do some batting practice first before eating dinner.

Sawamura gloomily walked his way to Field A with his bat in his left hand. His thoughts were put to a halt when he heard Asada’s voice calling out to him. Rather than joining Kominato and Kuramochi with their batting practice, he decided to join the first years instead.

“You did so well on the last practice game, Sawamura-senpai!” Asada initiated the talk as soon as Sawamura reached them, Kuki and Seto were with him.

“Oh, thank you, Asada!” he beamed at his kouhai.

“Where’s Koushuu? I thought you were watching the video together?” Seto asked while swinging his bat in the air.

Sawamura went stiff upon hearing the catcher’s name.

Did they fight again? Seriously, these two.

It was all Seto, Asada, and Kuki could think upon seeing the pitcher’s reaction.

“Did something happen with Koushuu?” Seto decided to ask. If they did actually fight, the sooner he can help in fixing it, the better.

Sawamura flinched even more as he heard Seto’s question. His hands fidgeted visibly as he averted his gaze on the 1st-years while he pouted his lips.

“I think he’s angry at me right now,” Sawamura whispered and the three freshmen couldn’t help but huddle towards him.

Unsure of what they heard, Seto couldn’t help but ask again.

“Sawamura-senpai, can you please say that again?” he asked, silently praying that what he heard was wrong.

“Wah! I bet he’s really angry at me! It’s my fault, to begin with! What should I do, Seto? Okumura-shounen is angry at me again! What do I have to do now??” Sawamura was clearly agitated, he kept on pulling on his hair with both his hands as he dropped the bat that he was initially holding.

“Calm down, Sawamura-senpai!” Asada exclaimed.

“First, please tell us what happened,” Seto added awkwardly.

Sawamura stopped for a while as he tried to remember what happened a while ago, sweat dropping.

“I accidentally spilled some water on the scorebook that Okumura borrowed. I volunteered to rewrite it but he declined. He said it’s fine and silently left the cafeteria with Nabe-senpai and the scorebook.”

“Well, he did say it was fine so I don’t think he’s angry. As you said, it was an accident, so it can be helped, really,” Seto replied to which Asada and Kuki nodded vigorously to convince their worried senpai.

“No! No! No! No! No! We’re talking about that wolf-boy, you know?? Uwah! Just remembering that time when he told me to disappear still sends shivers down my spine.”

The 1st-years were at a loss for words. It seemed like no matter what they say, the pitcher was convinced that Okumura was indeed angry at him for what just happened. And then, it occurred to Seto — that maybe, just maybe, he can still help in fixing the relationship of his best friend with his pitcher. After all, he wouldn’t want to have a repeat of that last time while he was not around.

Seto cleared his throat before speaking. He wouldn’t want to mess this up.

“Sawamura-senpai, I think you just misunderstood Koushuu. He didn’t say anything because he wasn’t bothered by it. If it had indeed bothered him, he would have scolded you just like how he’s reprimanding you whenever you’re being noisy on the mound.”

Sawamura did not respond, however, it could be seen that the boy was trying to ponder what he just said.

Yosh. He seems to be listening and considering things for now.

A few seconds later, Sawamura seemed to have calmed down. He was no longer fidgeting his fingers nor pulling his hair as if telling Seto to continue with his sentiments regarding his best friend.

“He already reflected fully on what he said to you the other day. He just kinda misunderstood your personality, that’s all. Koushuu can be scary sometimes, but really, that’s just part of who he is. No need to beat yourself up over what happened last time and even for today, Sawamura-senpai.”

“D-Do you really think so?”

“Of course I do! I’ve been his best friend since we were kids so you can say I’m an expert in interpreting Koushuu’s seemingly unreadable moods!”

Kuki and Asada just smiled. They’ve just known Okumura for a few months. They already know how scary his aura can be especially when he’s not talking. But they also know that he’s making an effort to make people understand that he’s not such a bad wolf that bites people.

“With the way I see it, I think he already admired you quite well, Sawamura-senpai. And I think his admiration for you is not so light that spilling water on a scorebook would make him hate you.”

“Well, if you say so,” Sawamura commented, looking more convinced as he listened attentively to Seto.

“If I’d be honest, I was kinda surprised when he made a promise that he’ll only catch for you once he made it to the first string. That’s the first time he made such a promise to someone, you know?”

Seto continued with his rambling. This time, it wasn’t only Sawamura, but also the two freshmen who got more interested in listening. As pitchers, they also wanted to understand Okumura a little bit more.

“He even went so far as to refuse to catch for you even if the order came from the coach. That just showed how much he wanted to follow through on that promise. Because at that time, he’s still not part of the first string. And being not part of the first string meant that his skills were not recognized yet. He believed that he’s not qualified to catch for you because he felt like he still lacked the skills. That only shows how much he looked up to you as a pitcher.”

Sawamura couldn’t help but agree with Seto’s statements. Upon hearing what he just said, he suddenly remembered Okumura saying something like that.

“And now, to the most exciting part, what I’m gonna tell you should only be kept between us,” Seto winked as he placed his index finger near his mouth.

Kuki and Asada slightly nodded, but with mixed anticipation. Sawamura, on the other hand, nodded violently as if to swear that he will not be blabbering anything that Seto will be telling them at this point forward.

“Ever since he volunteered to catch your pitches during the Spring Tournament, he kept on borrowing almost all of the scorebooks of the games that you played at, Sawamura-senpai.”

“Ohhh.” The three responded in unison.

“I think he was so delighted to learn about your Numbers. As a catcher, he wanted to study how effectively he can use your arsenal. So when the time comes that he’ll be given the chance to be your catcher in an official match, he’ll be ready.”

“I see. So he’s been studying my pitches, huh? I guess that explained the aggressive calls he made during our game with Seiho,” Sawamura interjected to which Seto simply nodded.

“Aside from that, he also watches the videos of your matches,” Seto continued. “Do you still remember that time when you were about to watch the Hakuryu video but Okumura was already there at the cafeteria and about to watch it?”

“Oh! You’re right!” Sawamura responded as he put his fist on his palm. “Now that I think about it, he was already at the cafeteria ready to watch the recent game by the time I arrived.”

Oh boy, I’m actually enjoying this, aren’t I? Sorry, Koushuu, but think of this as me helping you.

Before going on with the conversation, Seto snickered upon seeing the reactions of the group, especially Sawamura.

“Lastly, he decided to join Seidou after watching your play against Teitou,” Seto added with finality and pride. “He thought that you are an interesting pitcher so his interest as a catcher was piqued. We even watched your game during Finals. You did great there, by the way. Too bad, you’re not the one who closed it.”

Well, he’s also interested in Furuya-senpai’s pitching, but he doesn’t need that information, for now, right?

“Heh,” Kuki responded. “I wanted to watch that game too but I wasn’t able to go.”

“Was it interesting?” Asada asked.

“It was! I watched the recorded video that one of my teammates took. It was a bit blurry though due to the heavy rain. At some point, they even stopped the game,” Kuki replied with enthusiasm.

They were about to talk more about the game when they noticed that Sawamura turned quiet.

“Sawamura-senpai?” Asada called as he swayed his hands in front of him.

“He’s frozen.”

“Yep, he really is.”

Sawamura was indeed frozen on the spot. His cheeks blushing just like the way he did back when his teammates told him that he’s become more reliable as a pitcher.

“I see! I see! He could have just told me that! Geez, that wolf boy, really!” Sawamura beamed in response after being stiff for about half a minute as he gently scratched his head.

The freshmen were happy to see the idiotic smile of their senpai once again. At least for now, this resolved things between the pitcher and the catcher. They noticed how they got along well together right after Okumura became a first-string member. They wouldn’t want an incident like this to disrupt the relationship that the two of them are trying to build.

“Yosh! Time for batting practice! Let’s not waste a second and practice some more, first-year boys!” Sawamura bellowed as he swung his bat with all his might.

The four of them continued talking about Okumura during their batting session. Sawamura also asked personal questions about them as well and he would answer some questions from his underclassmen.

“Hmm… Since I’m trying to build rapport with wolf boy, shouldn’t I do something that might help improve our battery?” Sawamura blurted out after what felt like an hour of batting.

“For starters, why don’t you try addressing each other on a first-name basis?” Kuki suggested.

“Yes, I think that would be a good idea too, Sawamura-senpai,” Asada agreed while Seto only nodded.

Oh man, this is getting more interesting. I wonder how Koushuu will react once he hears the senpai that he admired address him by his first name.

Seto was lost in his thoughts. He remembered the first time he called Okumura using his first name and the boy turned silent for a moment. And then, while emitting an ominous aura, he had called Seto as Taku as if to inform the other that if it comes to being on a first-name basis, he surely won’t lose.

Giving me a nickname right off the bat! Just how much does that guy hate losing?

Seto’s reminiscing was cut short when he noticed Okumura walking towards them, a bat in his left hand.

“Okumura-shounen! Have you finished rewriting the scorebook?? That sure was fast! As expected of wolf boy!” Sawamura greeted the boy as soon as he reached them.

“Yes, the game was still fresh in my memory so it wasn’t so hard,” Okumura responded.

“I’m sorry for what happened.” Sawamura apologized awkwardly, his voice smaller compared to his typical one.

“I told you already, it’s not your fault. No need to feel so bothered about it, Sawamura-senpai.”

“Then, just accept my apology! Was it so hard??”

“Fine. Apology accepted, then.”

“Hahahaha! See, it wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Please be quiet when practicing on the field, Sawamura-senpai.”

The three were smiling as they observed the battery with their bantering.

Yep, it’s the usual conversation. I’m glad they’re back to normal.

“Oh, by the way, Okumura-shounen, before I forgot. I was soliciting some advice from them as to how to improve our battery. And as a first step, I decided that I’ll be calling you by your first name!”

“Relationship? First name? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t mind the small details!” Sawamura responded as he patted the boy’s shoulder while laughing.

Okumura had to guess what happened within the time that he was busy writing the scorebook. And of course, it all boiled down to his best friend, Taku.

“Taku, you said something to Sawamura-senpai, didn’t you?”

“Of course not! I just told him that you’re not angry and that he should not think too much about it,” Seto replied as he tried his best to hide his guilt.

“Let’s both do our best, Koushuu!” Sawamura shouted with glee as he chuckled once more.

Okumura was so shocked it took all he’s got to respond to the southpaw pitcher.

“Don’t hold back and call me ‘Eijun-senpai’ !”

Seto, Asada, and Kuki were trying so hard not to laugh upon seeing Okumura’s reaction. The younger might not admit it but no matter how hard he resists, he can’t help but get caught up on the older’s pace.

And then, after a few seconds, Okumura spoke.

“I’m sorry, but I’ll have to decline.”

“Ehh??” Sawamura and the other freshmen shouted in unison.

“I’ll take you up on your offer once I am already the main catcher. So for the meantime, please allow me to call you as it is,” Okumura responded as he bowed slightly towards his senpai.

Sawamura was smug upon hearing what Okumura had said.

This brat. As expected, he really is a passionate guy after all.

“Then, I’ll also stop for now.”

“Ehh? Sawamura-senpai as well?” Asada exclaimed.

“I’ll call you by your first name once I become the ace of this team!” Sawamura declared with confidence as he laughed some more, with both hands on his hips.

“Another promise then, huh?” Seto commented as Kuki and Asada looked at the pair with admiration.

The corners of Okumura’s lips went slightly upward for less than a second. Or Seto might have just been imagining it. Sawamura and the rest decided to call it quits for now as they will be eating dinner anytime soon. They walked back towards their dorm as they continued their conversation.

For starters, if you want to be the ace, how about you try to lessen your voice? You’re too noisy, Sawamura-senpai. Especially when you’re on the mound. I’ve been telling you multiple times, a good ace pitcher shouldn’t be recklessly letting his emotions show while on the mound.

Geh! Here we go again with your harsh criticisms! You are too wild, Okami-kozo!

And while the two were busy bickering, Seto, Asada, and Kuki were observing them happily thinking about how the two actually get along so well.

OMAKE:

The day after Sawamura became the Ace of Seidou

Sawamura was already seated between Kominato and Furuya, busy eating his breakfast when Seto and Okumura arrived in the cafeteria to join Asada, Kuki, and Kagami.

Before Okumura could take one bite off his meal, the obnoxious loud southpaw pitcher walked towards them as he waved his left hand.

“Good morning, Seto, Asada, Kuki, Kagami!”

“Good morning!” the freshmen responded.

“Good morning, Koushuu!”

The whole cafeteria went silent. Okumura went stiff upon hearing his name came out of Sawamura — their current southpaw ace pitcher.

“Koushuu??” Kuramochi and Zono bellowed in unison upon hearing Sawamura addressed the catcher by his first name.

Curiosity filled the air as the rest of the Seidou members eavesdropped between Sawamura and some of the first years’ conversation.

“I’ve kept my end of the promise. So I’ll be waiting for you to keep yours. Na? Koushuu!”

Seto, Asada, and Kuki were snickering on their seats as they watched Okumura feeling awkward towards their new ace’s advances.

“Please be quiet, Sawamura-senpai. Also, please finish your breakfast first before starting a conversation out of nowhere,” Okumura responded ineptly as he noticed how almost all of the eyes inside the cafeteria were directed towards him. He couldn’t help but wish that a hole would open right on his spot and swallow him up.

“No worries, even if you start ahead, I’ll still finish my breakfast faster than you, Koushuu!”

As much as he liked to stop the pitcher from calling his first name, a promise is a promise. And now that Sawamura is now the ace of Seidou, he is now allowed to address Okumura on a first-name basis. He’ll have no choice but to get used to it.

“This is so fun to watch! To think the day will arrive that Sawamura will learn how to harass his kouhai,” Miyuki commented as he giggled upon hearing Sawamura and Okumura’s conversation.

“Oi! It’s not even funny!” Kuramochi snapped as he kicked Miyuki’s legs under the table.

“It’s fine, isn’t it? Let him enjoy the privilege of being the ace for once!”

“That’s not the point! The point being is that one of your worst traits is rubbing off on the kid!” Kuramochi pointed his chopsticks towards Miyuki, proper manners be damned.

“Eh? But it should be fine if it’s just from time to time, right, Kuramochi-kun? Also, your big bro complex is coming out. Did Ryou-san rub off on you as well?”

“Don’t you ‘from-time-to-time’ me! Act like a real captain, for once! Don’t go around influencing your teammates negatively!!”

“Are you sure you don’t have anything to worry about though, Miyuki?” Watanabe interjected while secretly having some fun listening to both conversations.

“Huh? What’s there to worry about, Nabe?” Miyuki asked with curiosity.

“You’ve been a battery with Sawamura for almost two years now. Now that he’s the ace, you two will be the main battery for this summer tournament. Sawamura and Okumura formed a battery just recently and he’s already calling the first year by his first name. I guess that says something,” Nabe commented objectively as he continued eating his meal.

“But Sawamura is calling Miyuki by his full name. He hasn’t called anyone by full name except Miyuki. That’s saying something as well, no?” Zono interrupted.

Some of the first-string 3rd-years who were eating on the table together with Miyuki couldn’t help but laugh at Zono’s statement.

“Hyahaha! Zono! You’re so mean!” Kuramochi guffawed as he harshly tapped the table with his left hand.

“Zono, I’ll have you know that that’s not a good follow at all,” Shirasu added as he patted Zono’s shoulder while Kawakami nodded silently as he wiped the tears on the side of his eyes because he was laughing so hard a while ago.

“Eh?? Is that so??” Zono asked, totally unaware of the blow he'd dealt Miyuki.

“Oi. Why do I feel like I’m being a laughing stock right now? Learn to respect your captain, for once!” Miyuki exclaimed upon noticing that almost all of the people at their table were laughing at Zono’s comment.

“D-Don’t mind, Miyuki! If you want, I’ll convince Sawamura to call you by your first name too!” Zono added as if that’s the right thing to say.

Kuramochi and the rest of the gang laughed some more.

“Zono, don’t you think it’s time for you to shut up now?” Miyuki said annoyingly.

“But why?? I’m just trying to help!!”

“I don’t need your help! And keep your comments to yourself!” the captain replied coldly.

“Don’t be like that, Captain! As your vice-captain, it is my responsibility to help you on things that you’re not good at.”

“Hyahaha! Zono - 3, Miyuki - 0!” Kuramochi was laughing furiously again as he continued listening in on Miyuki and Zono’s exchange.

Miyuki only sighed and stayed quiet until he finished his breakfast, putting some of his leftovers on Zono’s plate when he’s not looking. Sawamura, on the other hand, went back to his seat. He asked what they were talking about but they were kind enough not to embarrass their socially awkward captain any further.

But really, it’s good to know that Sawamura and Okumura are getting along just fine. Once I graduate, and if ever Okumura will be chosen as the main catcher, then I guess there’s nothing for me to worry about.

Miyuki smiled secretly as he drowned himself in his thoughts.

[waywardfangirl]

Both @captain-aralias and @palimpsessed ​did really nice posts to share their fics from this year as well as their thoughts on what they wrote, and I enjoyed reading their posts (and their fics!) so much that I thought I would take them up on their open invitation to do one too! I’m a big believer in keeping lists of your accomplishments to look at on days when self-doubt creeps in, so I encourage anyone else who might be interested to do this too! (All the questions are copied from @captain-aralias)

List of Completed Fics this year:

I wrote ten fics this year, as well as starting a ton of WIPs, which is amazing to me, considering I have only written fic once before in my life!

Slow - General, 3k

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore - Teen, 28k

Promises - General, 3k

A Privilege to Love You - Teen, 7k

Early Riser - General, >1k

Write This Down - General, 3k

As You Wish - Teen, 13k

The View from the Veranda - General, 4k

Down By The Sea - General, 2k

Just Want You to Know Who I Am - General, 1k (written in 2020, posted in 2021)

Total: 10 fics, 67k words, 100% Snowbaz

Pretty good for what is truly the first year that I have been an active participant in fandom!

Questions answered below the cut.

Best/worst title?

A Privilege to Love You is my favorite title, because I think the line is just so sweet, and it makes my heart melt.

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is definitely my worst title, because that was just the placeholder name I gave the WIP, but then I got so used to it I forgot to change it to something better before posting. I still cringe a bit at that one.

Best/worst summary?

l am horrifically indecisive, so I have a few summaries that I like. Just Want You To Know Who I Am is short and sweet, and I think it conveys exactly what I want it to:

Baz is fine. He's fine. Everything is fine. (It just isn't.)

~A fic about being loved in all the little ways~

But I also really liked the quotes I pulled for The View from the Veranda, As You Wish, and A Privilege to Love You.

Early Riser also has a summary that I let break my heart:

Baz wakes up early now, even though Simon doesn’t.

I does very little to convey what the fic is about, but after reading the fic it hurts like I wanted it to, sooo.....

I think that Promises has the worst summary though:

Inspired by the song "Promises" from the musical Hadestown.

Simon and Baz have spent the last three years working on themselves and on their relationship. Now it's time for their next step together.

Best/worst first line?

Baz says it best to open The View from the Veranda:

I am not a man accustomed to enduring want.

However, Simon deserves an honorable mention for starting us off right in As You Wish:

Baz is such a prick.

As for worst opening lines, I don’t really think I have any. I have some that stand better as an opening paragraph than an opening line, but I place a lot of importance on the first line of a story, so I like to make sure all mine are strong.

Best/worst last line?

I am not going to spoil any last lines for anyone (I cover up the last page of books when I read to reveal it slowly, word by word, so I take last lines seriously!), but I will say that As You Wish has an adorably predictable last line that I love.

For worst last line, I have to say Slow. I liked the line itself when I wrote it, but then I learned later that people were interpreting it in a more steamy way than what I had intended, and because I feel like Slow is such an innocent fic and really highlights how important it is for Simon to not be rushed into every decision he makes, I don’t like that it sounds like he and Baz rushed into something else. (I just meant that they talked and maybe kissed a bit! That’s it!)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

On December 31st, 2019, I was pet sitting when I came across a prompt for a Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement Snowbaz AU. I impulsively started to write, even though I had only written one other fic in my life (Check, Please!), and I had never written Snowbaz before. I kind of thought that maybe I would write one fic and that would be all, and that maybe one fic is all I would ever write, but I am so happy to have been wrong about that! I wrote way more than I could have predicted, and I even did NaNoWriMo! (I failed NaNoWriMo too, and I’m okay with that, because I want writing to be something I do for fun, not something that stresses me out.)

As a fun side note, Carry On is a fandom that I have returned to many times in my life, and it seems to have a special place on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day for me. I was given Fangirl as a Christmas present, and started reading it on New Year’s Eve, only to finish it and realize that the new year had arrived while I was engrossed in the book. I have spent multiple New Year’s Eves since engrossed in a reread of the book, or reading fic, and so it feels really fitting that I got into properly writing fic for Carry On as the year turned over.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Literally all of this was unexpected, as I never planned on writing any more fic, but I think I am most surprised to have written multiple songfics. I never read many songfics, and didn’t often care for them, but I wrote Promises off of the song from Hadestown, Write This Down off of George Strait’s song, and then Just Want You to Know Who I Am because Caity got the Goo Goo Dolls stuck in my head.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

My favorite might actually be my most popular, so I’ll go with my close second favorites (it’s a tie)

A Privilege to Love You is a soulmate au, and those are my favorite things ever. I also received some of the best feedback on this one, and I feel like I did a lot of things that worked really well in this fic.

The View from the Veranda is just so wonderful for me though, it combines my love of history with absolute silliness for a friend (I love you Liz!!!), @krisrix did some INCREDIBLE art for it, and I just had so much fun writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

As You Wish was the most popular, hands down, with more hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks than any other fic I wrote. It’s also the fic of mine that I reread the most, because it makes me so happy and I love all the silly moments.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is probably the answer here. This isn’t entirely backed up by metrics, since it does have more hits and kudos than some of my other fics, but for how long it is and the work that went into it, I think it only got a portion of the attention I was hoping it would. That’s mostly my fault though! It was the first fic I wrote for this fandom, and so I have definitely grown as a write since! Additionally, while I feel like it has a lot of great moments and fantastic lines, I have some lackluster bits too, and it really suffered from not having a beta (I was too shy to ask anyone back then). It’s also an AU of a movie that isn’t as widely viewed as I previously thought, so that didn’t help either, and as I already said, this fic could have a much better title.

All that aside though, the people who have read and talked to me about this fic have really seemed to like it, so I’m glad that I did right by my fellow Princess Diaries 2 fans! (and all of the wonderful people who read it and commented nice things having never seen the movie, y’all rock!)

Story that could have been better?

Everything I wrote before asking someone to beta. I just talked about what I would improve in We’re Not In Genovia Anymore, but Promises could use some work too. Having a few wonderful friends help me edit my fics has really improved what I post!

Sexiest story?

Oh gosh, I am not someone who writes sexy things.

Having said that, The View from the Veranda was written in the style of a bodice ripper, so I think that makes it the sexiest story by default. Kris’s art also enhances its sex appeal by at least 200% (I laughed out loud when I was making the list at the start of this post, because I had entirely forgotten that fic is rated G - honestly, that tells you everything you need to know about me, my romance novel fic can be read by children haha) (I might give it a T rating at some point, just because I feel like it should have that)

**I just remembered the bonus chapter for As You Wish.... that might be the sexiest thing I’ve written haha 🤣

Saddest story?

Early Riser - I am a big believer in giving everyone who deserves it a happy ending, but this one is just an interlude of sadness and depression without any resolution in sight.

(If you read it though, please know that in my head they do get therapy and things do get better! Snowbaz always has a happy ending in my fics, even if I don’t write it out fully)

Most fun?

As You Wish - this one to me feels like the happy chaos of running and sliding around a big house in stocking feet, and I don’t have a better way to describe it than that. There’s a tiny bit of angst from Baz, and a little bit of panic from Simon, but I was smiling and having so much fun while writing this fic, and I really think it comes across.

Story with single sweetest moment?

A Privilege to Love You - I’ll let you decide which of the many sweet moments is actually the sweetest ❤

Hardest story to write?

Promises, no question about it. I had written two fics by that point, and people had been so nice, and some of you lovely folks had even started tagging me in WIP Wednesday posts and in Six Sentence Sunday posts, but I felt like I had no inspiration left and I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to write again. So, I forced myself to write something, and it felt like pulling teeth (and it honestly wasn’t very good), but I gifted it to the person who had been my biggest cheerleader and who had tagged me a million times, and that’s how @foolofabookwyrm and I became friends. Writing the fic sucked, but her friendship is worth it, a million times over 💜💜💜

Easiest/most fun story to write?

The View from the Veranda. I’m a historian, and I work a lot with primary sources and spend time speaking with others in 18th century language, so once I got into my “work mindset” the words just flowed. This was also a silly, happy story for me, because I included a lot of jokes for Liz, and there are a ton of details that are just hilarious if you work at the same place I do (sorry that none of you do, but let me just tell you, the descriptions of Simon are all based off of my most attractive colleague, and at least 15% of this fic is silly quotes from work). I think this was only supposed to be about a thousand words long, and I messaged Kris multiple times while writing just to tell him that it was getting out of control and I couldn’t stop writing 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Writing for Agatha in We’re Not in Genovia Anymore really made realize how much some of her (canon) story resounded with me, and I liked the deeper character study I ended up doing for her. I’m still always going to be the most in love with Baz, but I have a deeper connection to Agatha now too.

Most overdue story?

It’s still overdue. I have so many WIPs, at least seven of which are soulmate AUs, and I just keep starting more. In terms of actual planned release date though? I started writing a The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue AU for NaNoWriMo, with the intention of publishing it in January. It’s already the longest fic I’ve ever written, and I don’t think I’m even a quarter of the way done with it. I wasn’t happy writing for NaNo, because I don’t do well with creativity on a deadline, and I chose to pause work on that fic so I can actually enjoy writing it and end up with something I like once I finally return to it. Apologies to those who are anxiously awaiting the fic, I do hope to finish it this year, and I won’t post until it’s all done, so you’ll get a very rapid update schedule when it does come out!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I signed up for my first fandom event! I participated in the Secret Snowflake event, and wrote Down By The Sea for the wonderful @fight-surrender (and ended up with ideas for some other new fics too)! Even though I was actively failing NaNoWriMo when I signed up, I did manage to complete my fic on time, and I learned that it wasn’t quite as daunting as I was expecting it to be. (My biggest problem was my laptop breaking and having to do almost everything on my phone - I also learned once again just how amazing Liz is, as she helped me format and post to ao3, since I couldn’t do that properly without a computer)

I struggle with being creative on a deadline, but wanting to write a little over 1k in a month was much more achievable than feeling stressed about writing 50k in a month!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

I like the idea of the inevitability of love. I adore soulmate AUs, because I love the idea of a universe where not only does someone have a perfectly matched other person, but that there is a surefire way to find them. Even though I only published one soulmate AU this year, I feel like every time I write Snowbaz I am writing about a couple where love will, inevitably, win. In my mind they are always going to have a happy ending somewhere down the line where they are just purely in love. Even though love doesn’t magically fix everything, it’s still incredibly powerful, and I only want to create stories where Simon and Baz truly love each other.

Of course, with that as the theme, A Privilege to Love You has to be the fic that best demonstrates the idea of inevitable love - it’s a soulmate AU and a universe where Simon exercises his free will.

What are your fic writing goals for next year this year?

Finish and publish my Gentleman’s Guide AU

Finish and publish more soulmate AUs (I have so many WIPs you guys)

Plan more before writing

Work on improving dynamic scenes and the overall flow of my fics - I sometimes feel like I have too many lulls, and I want to write in a more engaging way

Promote my own work more! I am partially doing this post because there are multiple fics that I never shared on here! I plan to make banners for all of the fics I write this year, and to post them on tumblr at the same time I upload them to ao3.

The last few years have been a time of tremendous personal growth for me, and I really feel like I’m starting to understand who I am as a person, settle into myself, and like who I am. I’m thrilled to discover that fandom is still part of who I am and what I enjoy, and that I have more creative outlets in my life now than I ever expected to. My biggest goal is just to keep building on all of that, to use fic to explore who I am, to reflect what I like, make myself happy with my writing, and to hopefully make at least a few of you happy with my stories too!

[snoopysfriendwoodstock]

i would like 2 read ur interpretation of the rep tour if u feel like it. i think ur analysis of it is cool and i want 2 know how u got there

THANK you for letting me do this i love to talk. this is probably way too long and incoherent and not as smart as i’d like to sound but i just love rep tour SO intensely. basically, i think that rep tour does a better job encapsulating the story of reputation than the album does through choreography, staging, and song order/selection. also, i’m going to treat both Rep Taylor and Real Taylor as characters, since i think we can all agree that none of us know the real taylor swift, and even taylor’s portrayal of “the old taylor” is, in part, a character. 

...ready for it? as an opener is just such a bombastic way to open the album that it truly only works well as a live performance. rfi and i did something bad work as sort of twin narratives in the beginning of the tour. ...ready for it? is a pure depiction of Reputation Taylor. she is a master manipulator, manipulating both the dancers into moving the way she wants as well as manipulating set pieces and props on the stage. 

however, in i did something bad we see this same character but BEFORE she became rfi taylor. she attempts to keep up this facade that she is the evil, vindictive, manipulative character she portrays in rfi. however, we see the truth during the bridge as she runs around the stage, trying to reach out to her dancers who turn her down and ostracize her. not only does she try to reach out from them, but it is impossible for her to escape as they circle around her, forcing her to allow them to burn her at the stake. it is not entirely taylor’s choice to be treated as a witch, but after being backed into a corner she allows this to become her narrative. it is through others treatment of her that she turns into Rep Taylor. 

gorgeous starts the love story subplot, but still through the lens of rfi and idsb. idsb turned her into rfi/Rep Taylor, but through gorgeous we watch the armor crack. not only this, but after gorgeous is the first time that taylor addresses the audience. it is this love that causes her to begin to not only see the people who love her, but reach back out to them again. this is further solidified by the style/love story/ybwm mashup that follows. these songs all have to do with fate or soulmates, far more permanent than Rep Taylor’s fleeting idea of love. again, she interacts with the audience, inviting the world back into her life as she experiences what she believes to be true love. 

 however, with the video that plays between this mashup and lwymmd, we watch Rep Taylor attempt to sabotage this moment of vulnerability. love story plays, you belong with me plays, sparks fly plays, all old songs with a focus on true love. in between and during these songs, the video continues to cut out and rapidly attempt to change to something less earnest, as Rep Taylor gets onto her thrown, attempting to secure her place against the more emotionally earnest Real Taylor. in rep tour, lwymmd and the “old taylor” lyric is in direct response to taylor attempting to become vulnerable again, and fearing for her own heart. the old taylor who can’t come to the phone right now is the taylor who wore her heart on her sleeve and wrote earnest love songs, displaying her affection for the world to see. as gorgeous --> style/love story/ybwm demonstrates Real Taylor’s desire to seek out that version of herself again as she falls in love, Rep Taylor sabotages herself and doubles down on becoming this more hardened version of herself. 

 as the love story begins to creep back in with end game, taylor finally admitting that she does want this person forever, and is willing to make herself vulnerable while also trying to warn the person of how the media will attempt to twist her persona not only against her but against the other person. with king of my heart she allows herself to wonder if this is the end of all the endings, but the most important part of this song is the choreography. we watched the choreography being used against her in previous songs; in idsb she is neglected and purposefully ostracized by the dancers, and in lwymmd she then uses this against them and strikes all of the dancers down as she becomes a snake. however, in king of my heart as she attempts to convince herself she does not need to be in a relationship, the dancer meant to represent her movements does not attempt to harm her with his movements. rather, he anticipates her movements, and is the only dancer who can move in harmony with her, and shows her that he does not anticipate her to act negatively, rather he wishes to dance with her. even as she goes to touch him at the end, he knows this movement will happen already, grabbing her hand and pulling it to him before she can. 

while in komh, taylor cannot admit or even consider her feelings until she has been shown they can be reciprocated, as she finally allows her guard to be lowered, she is left alone on the stage. she walks out by herself, swallowed by the large stage as she finally allows herself to speak freely. she speaks alone to the audience, seemingly fully freed until she walks willingly into the gold cage. she is not only allowing herself to be ‘trapped’ in a relationship, trusting that this one has worked out when none of the rest of them have, but she is also willingly walking into a trap. with her lover being a woman, as she is in my interpretation, taylor knows that entering this tumultuous relationship means that there is the risk of being outed, and as she walks directly into the cage, she knows there are few ways out. 

 it is then through her performance of dancing with our hands tied that she shows exactly what happens as you walk into this situation without being willing to fight your way out. she is now sharing what she wished she had done, while before she had been wondering what the other person would do for her. now that it is too late, and that they are attempting to play out the end of their relationship, taylor wildly switches between Rep Taylor and Real Taylor. 

blank space is taylor playing up exactly who the media wants her to be, while dress exists as a confession. bad blood/should’ve said no offers up an entirely new meaning to bad blood as a song about being cheated on, and allows her to let both Real Taylor (old taylor from debut) as well as Rep Taylor try and decide who will win out at the end of this. while the honesty of nyd/getaway car/ciwyw makes it seem as though Old Taylor will make her reemergence and taylor will finally choose to be honestly and earnestly herself, it is through tiwwchnt/wanegbt that we see taylor has chosen Rep Taylor to be the taylor that plays to the public, though the Real Taylor (wanegbt/red era) lives somewhere inside of this. she has not chosen some sort of happy medium or harmony, she has allowed herself to be trapped on both ends. the cage is no longer the gilded cage that she has built for herself, it’s a skeleton of all that could have been, and all that she wanted to be before she was the one who burned them down.

[seijorhi]

asks :)

once again, i’m terrible at answering things :)

First off, your newest Kuroo story WRECKED ME. OMMMMMG LIKE IT'S SOOO FUCKING GOOD. You are one of the most incredible writers ever, like professional style writing. These should be books and you should get paid for it, honestly. Your skill is totally unmatched, my friend. I just adore everything you write. I had two questions thou about the story, just because I am totally obsessed by it- so has Kuroo been obsessed with her since he saw her, I'm like curious how his obsession started 

like is it because she's young and he's interested? Cuz I totally got the vibes at the party that he was showing her off like she was his girlfriend and he seems like he has been wanting her for awhile. I was just curious about how it started cuz god I'm a simp for yandere kuroo- boss man Kuroo would make me weakkkkk. My second question is so is he like obsessively in love with her or is it like just a this hot piece of ass is mine to fuck kinda thing? Like does he want a relationship?

anyways, I love you and I love your writing. Everything you write is legit perfection! Thank you for all your beautiful stories you share with us! - Kai

first of all, whomst gave you the right to be so damn sweet???!?! dsgsjkl thank you, bby!

so, like with all my fics i kind of have a ‘read into it how you want’ thing going for it. whether or not kuroo actually has ‘romantic’ (i use that word loosely) feelings for the reader or whether he just enjoys fucking her because he’s in a position of power and she’s easily manipulated is left a little up to your interpretation and how you’d prefer to imagine it. however, having said that there are little hints throughout the fic that imply that there’s a little more depth to kuroo’s feelings. you’re not wrong with the whole ‘showing her off’ vibe at the party, and there’s mentions of confessions that kuroo gives while he’s fucking the reader - also the title of the fic, invidia, means envy in latin. so take that how you will 🤷‍♀️

and as far as how it all began, i like to think that it was kind of a slow build. again it’s implied that kuroo has met the reader (however briefly) a few times before - at games as nekoma’s manager, when she initially was introduced as his girlfriend and she has stayed over at their place in the past. it wasn’t so much a singular moment, but kuroo’s definitely been paying more attention to her than she realises. 

WHAT WHAT WHAT???? RHI UHMMM WAS KUROO IN LOVE WITH THE READER???? 👀👀👀👀 HOLY SHIT. I'm honestly mind blown rn like I have a lot of questions like did Shin know? Was he also into it? Omg the idea of Father and Son sharing reader...

(also I def did not hope that Bokuto was also there cuz that would have be fun....oppsss)🙊

hehehe

no, shin didn’t know but oh can you imagine the betrayal if he did? if he willingly set up the reader to be fucked by his dad 👀god damn

adsfgdhjfkfl there was a moment i genuinely considered having something more happen at the christmas party where bo would stumble across and one thing would lead to another.... but i decided not to go that route. this one needed to be solo kuroo haha

Rhi, what can I say, amazing as always!

ahhh thank you sm, bby!

Hi i absolutely love the kuroo fic at first no one would actually notice he was into and then story actually rises nicely however i would like to ask like what happens later im sorry im a little burnt out from my mountains of assignments that i cant think of a possible aftermath since the story had an open ending but yeah what happens later after the whole scene does y/n stay there for the 7 days and get r*ped again or she goes home early and like what happens to kuroo and shinsuke im sorry for annoying you with questions its fully up to you whether u would like to answer or not :-)

aw, thank you! I hope your assignments and stuff are all done? And pls bby, you’re not annoying me at all 💕💕💕

Honestly again, it’s kind of left up to what you like to think would happen, but personally I think that the reader stays, because there’s no easy way to get out of that situation without raising suspicion - which means that she then has to spend the next week trying unwittingly playing cat and mouse with Kuroo who’s gonna use every damn opportunity he has to push your boundaries 👀

Duuuuude invidia fucked me up! Like fuck, lol! The build up was so spectacular! It makes me wonder two things: how did kuroo’s obsession start, and what would shin have done if he caught them (and why do I feel like he’d join in... I guess it runs in the family lol).

I loved it sooooo much and im also so creeped out lol. Can’t trust other people’s dads. Everything about it was perfect!

glad you liked it, bby!!

shin’s a good boy and he genuinely loves the reader, but i think if he did stumble across the two of them he’d just shut down and walk away. it’d be the biggest betrayal in his eyes - it wouldn’t matter if you were drunk or he was, who came onto who - the two most important people in his life going behind his back would just break him :( and i think he probably wouldn’t give either of them a chance to explain

but if we’re talking degenerate shin... 👀👉👈

imagine if invidia! reader gets pregnant and Shin thinks it’s his, but its actually his dad’s 🤭

oooh kuroo would be such a smug little shit - he’d get extra touchy feely with the reader, drop ‘casual’ hints, basically doing everything outside of straight up admitting it to him, just to see how far he can push until shin starts to doubt whether he’s actually the father - when it’s just the two of you though... i think he’d be a little softer - but equally as possessive - you’re his, and so’s the kid growing inside of you

Kuroo: son do you know what a cuck is? Shinnosuke: no? Kuroo: wOULD YOU LIKE TO FIND OUT - @south-korea-cakes

dagshjskl i snorted when i read this but you’re not wrong lmao

hi rhi! i have a question about Lion’s Den! did oikawa purposely set the reader up to witness his true nature? or was it chance that she saw him kill?

no - i think he’d rather have kept you in the dark a little longer and tried to let things develop ‘organically’ but he’s not upset that you did find out the truth - gives him an excuse to move things along and take what he wants 👀

hey rhi:) soo my boyfriend of two years just broke up with me and so far a major comfort has just been rereading your stories. something about feeling desired, ya know? anyway, thanks for making me feel a little better <3 - @theofficialhufflepuff

aw i’m sorry to hear that :( i’m glad my fics can help make you feel a lil better - sending love bby! 💕

omg i adore everything in the soulmate series hello !! would any of the soulmate pairings ever end up feeling lowkey competitive w/ the other?? like all of them seem to mutually respect the other but would there ever come a point where smth pushes them into trying to outdo ur other soulmate when it comes to ur affection?

also have i mentioned how much i love ur writing bc i love ur writing

hmmm, not so much with oikawa & iwa or ushijima and tendou because i think they have pretty rock solid relationships with each other prior to the reader coming along - if they did it would only be minor stuff

the twins on the other hand - good fucking luck with them because they’ll turn everything into a competition. the moment one twin thinks you’re favouring the other too much expect to get dragged across the room and forced to spend ‘quality time’ with the other. it’s all very petty and exhausting and there is no possible chance for you to win. but thank you sweetheart!!

tonight im thinking about The Final Girl! boys forcing you to share a bed with them for the first time. With Kuroo’s face buried in the crook of your neck, one big hand palming your breast for good measure, Bo holding onto your waist, and Kaashi’s legs tangled with yours. its suffocating, really😪😓

asdgdhjdkdl suffocating? yes. now where do i sign up?? 🥺

you are so talented in writing it's crazy!! just the way you articulate things is ugh *chef's kiss*. i hope you are doing well and not receiving hate 🥺 ily pls

ahhh thank you so much, messages like these always make me so happy! ily bby! 💕

more karasuno first years soon? 👀

who’s to say?? i don’t have any full fics planned but maybe some concepts and thirsts??

if you make a yandere msby fic i’ll literally lose it i love your writing

👀i am considering it

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

I know you don't like BC anymore because of S7 But I like the way you answer the questions That's why I decided to ask I rewatched the first four seasons and realized something strange My question is long so I took it apart CL was never conceived as a big love At least JR didn't do that Maybe KS worked for it, and when he came back 130years later, still CL S6 continued but I thought it wasn't the original plan for JR.

People call it big CL, but I don't really understand what CL is being mentioned At least romantically The same is true for BC Before Finn's reaction 108 there was only friendship development jealousy confirmed this For CL,this only started at 214 But even then,C said she was not ready to have a relationship with anyone "in general" So he was saying this to himself.Well a few episodes ago, because love was a weakness, kept B away from herself B didn't send anyone to look for her s1e11

I'm not sure if these asks are in the right order or if there were suppose to be more asks, but these are the ones I got.

I very rarely talk about show Bellarke anymore because as you said, I don't ship them anymore. I'll try my best to answer this but honestly, I just couldn't care less about show Bellarke and I would never want Clarke anywhere near Bellamy (so I'm not sure I can be empathetic towards her)

Basically this is my interpretation. Lxa wasn't supposed to be Lxa at first. They wanted a child actor to play Heda but for different reasons that didn't happen. They cast ADC. Everyone knows Lxa was there to be an antagonist to Clarke but also a mirror to who Clarke could be.

Then they saw chemistry between Clarke and Lxa and it was Kim who suggested they kiss (if I remember it correctly). There were no plans to write CL the way it ended up being written. Jason only had the Lxa story for season 2. They didn't plan on having Lxa in season 3.

Then came the fan reaction to Lxa and CL. Jason was clearly surprised but also happy with the reaction and it fed him. He used that popularity and reaction to push for more Lxa/CL. Yet he still had no long term plans for them. But he wanted to buy more time, more screentime/scenes for them.

Since ADC had already signed with AMC, they had to fight to get ADC back in order to "finish the story". A story that Jason hadn't even planned on by the end of season 2. He even said the plan was for the story to go on and for everyone to know Lxa was out there with other grounders doing her job but not part of the story on the show. But he wanted to use her popularity to sell the show and elevate it into the sort of show he wanted or believed he was making. From the moment Jason started writing season 3, Lxa was always going do die, it was even hinted at in season 2!

So he developed a romantic relationship within 7 episodes. What was shown on screen was not what he was saying online. He used fans and their love for the character, to sell season 3. I do believe Clarke and Lxa had a connection and understood each other. I think they were attracted to each other. I think Lxa was into Clarke more than Clarke was into Lxa. Not because Clarke couldn't but because they didn't give Clarke the time to fully develop those feelings. Lxa already had them. Right when Clarke allowed herself to acknowledge those feelings, they killed Lxa.

I think Lxa was supposed to be an important character for Clarke for many different reasons and I would never claim that they weren't romantic/had feelings because they clearly did but the notion that a two week romance was THE relationship for Clarke, as an 18 year old girl, is ridiculous.

I think the disconnect here is that CL shippers and Jason (when he tried to do damage control after) sold CL as big, important and everlasting relationship on a 7 episodes built up. The vision of what fans wanted for CL, what they saw for CL, what they wished for CL was sold as canon after 7 episodes. I would argue, fans elevated CL to that status from sheer WISHFUL thinking of what wanted CL to BE but that they in canon weren't, at least, they never got the built up or time to BECOME what fans saw in their vision. But they made it "the truth" on social media and made it canon in their minds and sold CL as such after only 7 episodes. Regardless of the fact that it was Clarke's show, Clarke's journey or the fact that Clarke was only an 18 year old who had her entire life in front of her.

The way in which Jason killed Lxa also goes to show how little he understood fans and how little he cared about any emotional connection to Lxa. He cared as long as the story gave him want he wanted for the show; recognition, an audience, money, more seasons etc.

The backlash against Jason is a huge part of how the story was told after season 3. Suddenly even on the show, they started writing Lxa and her memory differently and they gave more meaning to the relationship that had ever gotten in the scripts. The I love you in 3x16 was ADR. It was added only AFTER the backlash. It wasn't even in the script. The Lxa mentions in 4x01 (Clarke and Abby's talk wasn't even scripted at first. The actor playing Abby made them write it and keep it in the episode). All these extra Lxa mentions, rewriting the relationship or the build up of the relationship was damage control. It was an answer to all the criticism. To give CL more depth and meaning after death. As if it was good enough for fans. It wasn't.

The thing is, people say "oh you only call it damage control and not canon because you don't ship CL". The thing is, it's such an insult to themselves and their ship when they say stuff like that. CL fans should acknowledge that they were used and that most of the things after season 3 was damage control. That should be the real problem here, that they were used like that. They should want and expect better than a pitty damage control tour. CL could have been great and exactly what they envisioned CL to be or become. But they never got the screentime to become that. They killed Lxa off right before their potential could be reached. So now all that lost potential has somehow been made into being canon because CL fans think "this is what CL was even though they never got the time to achieve it). That's the thing. They COULD have sure but they never did. They ended with the potential but the potential in your vision is not canon. Yet they made it so.

So we have fan backlash against Jason and the show and it changed a lot for the story due to damage control. And through Lxa's popularity, she became some sort of martyr in their eyes and so much interest and equally pressure would put on the show, Clarke and Jason, that they keep Lxa as a ghost in the story. Clarke was never allowed to grow up and have a life outside of Lxa, the show started to revolve around the AI and even though there were several other commanders, it somehow always came down to Lxa. And then Jason got a chance to right his mistake when he got ADC to come back. To win some points with fans. Look how great he is, right? But yet again, he showed his true colors. He didn't make CL endgame, he didn't even bring Lxa back. He literally had ADC on set again and he made her an alien in Lxa's clothes. If we are gonna talk about ship, you had the actor right there and could have made it become real since you CLAIM you did it for fans. Yet. He. Did. Not. Do. That. He made Lxa an alien. And then what did he do? He did an interview where he claimed it was a "greatest love" yet he never once told that story in the finale. He didn't even let Lxa be Lxa. But he could do an interview playing with people's emotions again because it would give him support and extra points from CLs. But in canon? He never had to follow through for a single second. It was all left in the open.

So no, not much of anything was his original plan and it shows. Personally, I think he thinks losing Lxa was his biggest mistake (only after he saw the fan reaction to her) and if he could, there is no doubt in my mind he would have kicked Clarke out as the main for Lxa.

[raz-b-rose]

Donsy Week 2020:  Day 5: Free

This one is just a cheesy fun way to end the week. Thank you everyone who has read my contributions this week! It was so much fun to do this and complete my first ever ship week. Can’t wait for the next one!

Words: 1355

@donsyweek​

“Minnie!” Daisy shouts, barging into the art club room. The door hit the wall hard, shutting again with just as much force. Minnie’s shoulders rise and slowly fall, before she slowly turns around to face her. She quirked a brow at her, before turning back to her project. 

“Daisy, can this wait till later, I have a painting to finish.”

“No it can not! You will not believe what happened!”

She places herself within Minnie’s eyesight, hands on her hips while she waits. 

Minnie sighed again, glancing at her before picking her paintbrush back up. “What happened Daisy?” 

She ignores her tone, in finally having her attention. “He didn’t notice my haircut!” 

“What?” Minnie looks at her, paintbrush falling limp in her grip as she looks at her fully this time. 

“Donald.” She states, “He didn’t say anything all day about my new haircut”

“Daisy you should know by now guys don’t notice stuff like that,” Daisy feels her temper growing again at Minnie's amused dismissive tone. 

“He’s the one who said I would look good with short hair!”

“Wait, really? Wow that is pretty bad.” 

“Right!”

Daisy marches to the other side of the room, pacing angrily in front of the display wall, inspecting each piece with a glare. She was in here often enough that she has seen all these pieces before, but they took a new light in her annoyed state. 

They grew quiet for a moment, the only sound was Minnie's brush on the canvas, the click of the handle against the water cup and the air conditioning humming above them. 

“What else do I have to do short of punching him!” She screamed out, slamming her fist on the table. 

“You could just tell him.” Minnie replies calmly, but Daisy can hear the slight inflection in her tone. She was laughing at her. 

“I can’t just tell him I like him!” She spun around face flushed a red as Minnie’s dress. Minnie laughed softly, finally putting her things down. 

“Daisy,” She said softly, “What are you going to do if you guys are in a relationship-”

“When,” She interprets

“When you guys are dating, are you just never going to say you love him.” 

Daisy didn’t think she could get anymore embarrassed, but she swore she was on fire by this point, Minnie only laughed again. 

Daisy did not like to back down from a challenge, but a challenge of vulnerability and a risk of basically placing her heart in his hands..that was one challenge she was not ready to take on.  

“There is an element of risk in saying I lo-” She stutters, “love..him to early” 

“Oh Daisy,” She turns back to the art, crossing her arms. 

“I mean, it's so frustrating.” Minnie hums in response, the sound of art being created resuming. 

“I like him so much, and the thought of never being around him again is not worth that risk.” 

The sound stops. Daisy is surprised when Minnie places a hand on her shoulder. She waits for her to say something, but she only gets silence. 

“But he just won't get a clue!” She yelled out. She digs her fingers into her now very short hair, the reminder pissing her off more. 

“I ask for his opinions, I try again and again to hang out just the two of us but he always invites other people!” It’s so embarrassing for them to get a clue and not him!” 

“I baked him cookies and he shared them! Which is really sweet but common!” 

“Huh, Daisy-”

She ignored Minnie and continued her rant, “I could have a huge flashing sign that declares ‘I love Donald Duck’ and he still wouldn't get a clue! It's adorably frustrating!” 

She hears Minnie groan behind her, she glances at her. She has her face buried in her hands while she shakes her head. Mouth open, ready to ask that age old question to her clearly distressed friend, however she is stopped short by a different question sounding behind her. 

“You love me?” 

She froze at the familiar scratchy voice, slowly returning herself to fully facing the wall once more. Her stomach had tightened, heart pulsing in her throat, limbs shaking with a chill that only she knew. She sounded off a flurry of curses through her brain, mostly aimed at herself. This is not how this was ever supposed to go. 

He wasn’t supposed to find out while she was complaining about his airheaded nature in not understanding her passive attempts at making her intentions known, because she was too much of a coward to say anything to his face. 

Even now she couldn’t face him, tears of shame already falling down her face. She placed one hand over her mouth, and the other around herself for a false sense of comfort and defense against this situation she put herself in. 

“I’m going to go” Minnie squeaked out, all but running physically from the room. The silence this time, was only filled by the air conditioner and honestly Daisy swore the air itself had a sound right now. Taunting her, deepening her embarrassment and she wished to disappear. 

“Daisy-”

“What? You want me to say how I’ve liked you since freshman year and have tried again and again to tell you but something or someone always got in the way” 

“Well-”

“Or how-”

“Daisy!” 

She stops talking, waiting for him to speak. They only continued to stare there however. Daisy looked through blurred vision at the wall in front of her. 

There was a piece that resembled space. She really wished she could be sucked into that void right now and never return. 

"Are you going to look at me?" Daisy can't help but snort at the way his voice trembled while trying to sound authoritative. 

She truly and fully was whipped.

She turned to face him, hiding another puffed laugh at his face. It was red and his eyes were far too wide. He stood stiffly, flexing his hands to a rhythm only he understood. 

His hair fell flat against his forehead, sweat from soccer practice. His uniform was dirty like normal, but she was never one to mind a little dirty and sweat. 

"Will you say it again?" Donald croaks out, clearly forcing himself to meet her eyes, if the increasing of his flexing was anything to go by. This boy's courage far outweighed her own. 

"I love you" 

She always thought she would whisper those words to his face over a romantic dinner and they had been dating for a little while at least. Not proclaim them in a dingy old club room of the high school with both of them still in their respected uniforms and far from a rose scented picture. 

She wouldn't have it any other way. 

"I love you, too" 

Daisy could die and go to heaven. She could listen to that very special voice, say those very special words to herself for the rest of time. 

She knew she must be smiling like an idiot, but this terrible situation just became a terrific situation. They stared at each other for a little while longer, before Donald made his way towards her. He took her hand, insides fluttered at the touch and how his hand trembled in hers. Yes, she loved this very nervous, dorky, daydreaming, airhead. She loved him and wouldn’t want him any other way. 

“What are you doing here anyway?” She tried to bring back a sense of normalcy despite both of them having just declared their love for the other. They left the art room, walking hand in hand down the halls.

“I was looking for you, and I figured the best place to start was Minnie” 

“Good point, next time I need to rant, I’ll lock the door.”

“Oh no I heard you out in the hall.” He gave her a look, bringing back a semblance of her embarrassment. 

“Oh phooey”

He finally let out a laugh, punching her softly in the shoulder. “Stupid. I like your hair by the way”

She laughed as well, returning the punch, “shut up”

[not-majestic-bluenicorn]

Crescent || Chapter 5

Fandom(s): ATEEZ

AU: Treasure Hunters

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Relationship: Everyone x Everyone, Established Hongjoong x Yunho

Language: English

Status: Ongoing

Chapter WC: 5,789 words

Warnings: Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work, Explosions, Murder Attempt, Robbery, Homeless/Runaway Character, more will be added.

Chapter Warnings: Robbery, Homeless/Runaway Character

Summary:

"My name is Jung Wooyoung..." He looked at the sword and then back up, locking eyes with the man. It was overwhelming to know this was one of the people he was destined to be with, now pointing a sword at him. "What is your name?"

"Kang Yeosang."

AO3

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Tagged: @angel0taiyo​

Wooyoung had arrived at Sonne U-28 about a week ago. He had managed to locate the port Captain Hongjoong's ship had sailed from, but nothing more. No one knew where it was headed, and he hadn't had any more prophetic dreams since then; he had also been too afraid to use the necklace the Interpreter had given him. Since he didn't know where to leave, he spent the week trying to figure out more about Hongjoong and his crew from the people that had built the boat.

He didn't get much out of them though, both because of confidentiality and because they didn't truly know who Hongjoong was, just that he was well off. Wooyoung already knew Hongjoong was wealthy from what he had gathered in his dreams, after all, Hongjoong was a prince. But he needed to know where they were headed to.

The options had long run out and he was left with only one choice, to try using the necklace or  to give up on his mission, and that wasn't an option to him. Wooyoung spent the whole day preparing himself mentally to use the necklace. It was fairly simple, he just had to sleep with it on. His body would be able to draw on the power of the necklace by itself and his soul would take him where he needed to go in order to progress.

When the night came, Wooyoung sat down on his bed with the collar in his hands and observed it, making one last attempt at calming himself down before attempting to use the necklace for the first time. It was nerve wracking. Still, he knew he didn't have much of an option, so he put it on and laid down. It took him longer than usual to fall asleep, even with the smell of syndesia working to calm him down.

As soon as he entered the dream world, however, he could tell he was no longer in his own mind. The place felt foreigner to him. It was wild and full of raw, uncontrolled energy, and Wooyoung had no idea who it could belong to. He only figured it out once he stumbled upon another man, roughly his same height, but lean and with a certain roughness around the edges.

There was no doubt in Wooyoung's mind that this man was the owner of the dream. Even though he looked calm and composed, there was a certain fierceness in his eyes that left him no doubt about it. As Wooyoung approached him, the space transformed around him into an enormous ship, and once Wooyoung was standing close enough, he noticed this was one of the men that had appeared in his vision next to Captain Hongjoong and Yunho.

"Who are you?" The man asked once he noticed Wooyoung, immediately pointing at him with a sword. Wooyoung knew it couldn't hurt him, but he still put his hands up.

"My name is Jung Wooyoung..." He looked at the sword and then back up, locking eyes with the man. It was overwhelming to know this was one of the people he was destined to be with, now pointing a sword at him. "What is your name?"

"Kang Yeosang," The man replied as he put the sword down, looking at Wooyoung with a certain confusion.  "Is this a dream?" He asked, and Wooyoung nodded, a little bit too enthusiastically. "Are you part of my dream?" Now this question was a little bit more complicated.

"You could say so,yes." Wooyoung nodded, apologetically. Yeosang didn't seem to know what he was, and it felt like telling him would only make things more complicated. "Consider me an omen."

Yeosang smiled, chuckling softly. He had a pretty smile, Wooyoung noticed, immediately slapping himself mentally for it. Sure, he was supposed to eventually end up together with him, but this still felt a little too early. Yeosang didn't even know yet he was a real person! Still, his smile was pretty.

"Sure, if you say so." Yeosang put the sword away. "Why would an omen appear in my dreams?

"Well, naturally, because there is something you should look forward to in your future, don't you think?" Wooyoung tilted his head. He liked that Yeosang was playing along with him, because truth be told, he had no idea about what he could or couldn't do while in someone else's dream.

"Then you're not an omen." Yeosang smiled suddenly, approaching him. "Omen sounds creepy and scary, you're more like a..." Yeosang's hand reached forward to touch Wooyoung's hair. His eyes were so focused, wondering how any of this could be real. "Like a very cute sign or prediction." He finished, looking Wooyoung in the eye.

Wooyoung coughed softly and pushed Yeosang's hand away, embarrassed. It was ridiculous how much his face could blush even in a dream. The fact that Yeosang was laughing again didn't help much either, but made him feel even worse. Was this how it was supposed to go? Was he supposed to be flirting with Yeosang like this? He had no idea.

"Omens can be good too!" He retaliated, for a lack of a better comeback.

"Okay, okay, you're an omen." Yeosang raised his hands in defeat, placating him. "Now, why is Mr. Omen visiting my dream? What are you here to warn me about?"

"There's a ship and some people you should find." Wooyoung explained. "The ship is not very big, made of very dark wood and white sails, it has a crescent moon on its sides, it's called Crescent." As Wooyoung described it, the image of the ship he had seen in his own vision and in the pictures he had been able to get in Sonne U-28 materialized in front of them. Yeosang gasped.

"How are you controlling my dream?" He asked, eyes wide open as he admired the beautiful vessel.

"Omen things." Said Wooyoung, which was code for 'I have no idea either'.

"And why do I have to find them?" Yeosang asked, still not entirely convinced.

"That... I cannot tell you." Wooyoung shook his head. "I have to go now though."

It was clear that Yeosang didn't know what he was yet, and Wooyoung didn't want to scare him away by telling him he was destined to meet seven men and recover a legendary treasure  most people didn't even believe to be real. Honestly, Wooyoung was only doing this because he fully believed in the mission and abilities of his people. If he were in Yeosang's position he would have probably refused outright and called the Interpreter crazy.

"Alright, I guess that's part of your 'omen things'." Yeosang chuckled. "Will you come again if I need more guidance?"

"Probably." Wooyoung nodded. At least he hoped so, since he still had no idea of how to fully control his abilities and the necklace. "Sweet dreams Yeosang." He smiled at Yeosang, and when he opened his eyes again, he was awake.

--

Yeosang regretted it immediately when his eyes fluttered open, as the dream he had just had was reduced to only a few figments. Two things remained in his mind though, Jung Wooyoung and The Crescent. He had never before had such a vivid dream in his life, and he regretted not being able to remember it more clearly, especially because Wooyoung had felt so real he wanted to believe it hadn't been entirely a dream.

He let out a deep sigh and looked around. The bridge he had been living under ever since running away from his house was usually void of other 'residents'. It was easier if you didn't have to fight for space with other homeless people, but when there wasn't a community with a sense of loyalty to watch out for your back, it put you in pretty dangerous situations. 

The good thing was that Yeosang wasn't stupid. He lived day by day, watchful eyes paying attention to the movements in the street so he could choose a new target to steal from that day. He was good at this, and the fact that soldiers assigned to his planet barely cared about it was a huge benefit. He spent part of his fortune on food and water for the day and hid the rest to save until he was able to buy himself a passage off that damned planet and go find his father.

He remembered the last fight with his mother clear as day. She had never been quite the same after discovering his father was an asshole cheater and had turned to vices to try and heal her broken heart. Yeosang loved her dearly, and had tried his best to remain by her side and help her get through it, but she was so angry at him everyday. The abuse had become too much and when she yelled at Yeosang to disappear, he left.

There was nothing in his possession worth taking with him, so he pushed a couple of clothes into his backpack and left after a particularly nasty fight that had ended with a cut on his cheek. Yeosang did regret leaving her a little, so he passed by his own house everyday, trying to see how she was doing. Her anger had seemed to dissipate now that there was no one to be angry at, but she cried almost every day and it shattered his heart to pieces.

Yeosang wanted to find his father and bring him back so maybe his mother could get some sort of closure and go on with her life. The planet they lived in, Tebos, didn't help much either. The resources in Tebos were scarce, and since it wasn't a main producer of the Kim Empire, it had been left almost forgotten. Yeosang had wanted to get out of there for the longest time, but now he wanted to even more.

Thanks to the poor support of the empire, the guards were underpaid and it was easier for him to steal his way out of the city. Of course, even though he was good at it, he wasn't the best. Some people in his town already had his eyes set on him, but Yeosang slipped out of their grasp every time. He just needed to hold on as long as he could until he was able to leave that place.

--

San looked at Hongjoong as he mumbled Thisa's poem to himself for the nth time. The two of them were alone in Hongjoong's quarters while Yunho took care of things outside, every once in a while someone would come in to check if they needed anything but would leave after only a couple of minutes after noticing Hongjoong hadn't even touched his food. San wondered if he should kill him now.

It would be so simple. Hongjoong wasn't paying attention to him and he knew no one would come check on them in a while. The question was, was it worth it? San wasn't particularly appreciative of his life, but he also didn't want to die for a cause he didn't believe in or care for. Still, if he didn't kill Hongjoong, he'd be killed by his own boss. This was a loss-loss situation. 

Just as he was trying to make up his mind, the door opened with a quick motion and Jongho stepped inside, slightly panicked. Hongjoong raised his head, and as soon as he took in the other's expression, he stood up and left everything he was doing behind. San followed behind them, a little confused.

"What happened?" Hongjoong was quick to ask.

"The fuel tank is damaged and we're losing fuel very quickly." Jongho explained.

"San, check the coordinates to the nearest planet and send them to quarterdeck." Hongjoong was quick to order, his thoughts racing.

"Yes, sir." San went back to the table and got to work.

"Jongho, go back to the fuel tank and figure out if there's a way you can patch it up temporarily, you can take someone with you if you need assistance." Hongjoong instructed.

"Yessir!" Jongho exclaimed and left quickly, taking a couple other crew members he found on his way to the maintenance room.

Hongjoong rushed out of his quarters and to the deck, where Yunho was directing some other crew members on what to do. He didn't even stop to ask him about it and just made his way to the wheel, the coordinates for a planet named Tebos were already there, waiting for him. With quick precision, Hongjoong stirred the wheel and changed the direction of the ship. Tebos was almost in the complete opposite direction they were going in originally, but it was the closest planet to where they were, so a little sacrifice would have to be made. 

"Someone contact Tebos and inform them we will be doing an emergency landing!" He yelled. 

The crew mobilized immediately and Hongjoong centered himself on directing the ship. He needed to make sure that they made it to Tebos so they could get more fuel and continue with their journey. If they ran through the fuel, they could be rescued, but the ship would need to be towed and they would just lose too much time.

"Captain! We're approaching Tebos!" Siyeon informed him.

With the velocity they were going at, it wasn't long before they were right outside Tebos' atmosphere. The fuel levels were dangerously low, but Hongjoong didn't have much of an option as he had to slow down before they came in. He pressed a couple of buttons and activated the protection field which would keep the ship safe from the effects of breaking through the ozone layer of a planet. 

A patrol ship that had received their emergency call was already waiting for them, and helped guide them to the nearest port. As soon as they had landed, Hongjoong told Yunho to check with the patrol guards and he ran to the maintenance room to look for Jongho and the crew members that had helped him deal with the leak temporarily. He found them easily, all of them sitting on the floor covered in oil and whatnot and looking completely defeated. 

"Are you alright?" Hongjoong asked, paying no mind to the mess as he approached to check on them.

"Don't come close Captain, you'll get dirty." Jongho warned him, holding his hands up in an attempt to stop him.

"As if that matters," Hongjoong scoffed, taking Jongho's hand instead and helping him stand. "You all did an amazing job here, go get clean and changed, we're having a meeting on the main deck shortly." He ordered, yet his voice was gentle.

The crew members obeyed without making any comments and Hongjoong stayed back to inspect the mess for a moment. He wasn't an expert in ship mechanisms, but even he could tell it looked bad. As he walked back to the deck, he thought that maybe he should ask Jongho to teach him a little bit about it. He should, at the very least, know how to take care of his ship properly.

"What did the officers say?" Hongjoong asked Yunho once he was outside, standing next to him.

"Well, we explained the situation to them, and since our documentation is in order, they said it was fine." Yunho explained, pointing towards the patrol ship that was just leaving.

"That's good," Hongjoong nodded. "Do me a favor and get everyone here, I'll go change my clothes." 

Yunho agreed and Hongjoong went back to his quarters. San was still there, looking at the poem that Hongjoong had left behind to deal with the emergency. He only looked up when Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"Oh, is everything alright Captain?" San asked, a little bit startled.

"You know, it's fine if you call me Hongjoong when there's no one else around, I feel like through all this map deciphering we've gotten close enough." Hongjoong shrugged. 

"Ah..." San stared at him wide-eyed, at a loss of words. Great, this was exactly what he needed: to get all friendly with his target. "Okay..." Hongjoong looked at him expectantly and San cursed himself inside. "Hongjoong."

Hongjoong hummed happily and proceeded to walk towards the part of the quarters that was his room. It was separated by the rest by a wall, giving him some sense of privacy. Yunho and him slept together there, even though theoretically Yunho wasn't supposed to be there, but that was no one's business.

"I'm gonna get changed, you should go meet the others at the deck." Hongjoong hair popped out from behind the wall. "Unless you want to wait for me?" Hongjoong asked playfully, his hands already unbuttoning his shirt.

"I'm going!" San turned around without wasting a second and left the quarters.

San left the room and joined the others on deck. He threw his 'cool' image outside the window and messed up his hair until it was standing in all sorts of directions, muttering to himself at the same time. The other crew members who were already on deck looked at him strangely, but didn't ask. Everyone found San slightly intimidating, and while they didn't see him much because he was always helping the captain, the fact that they didn't know him did the opposite of helping.

"Is everything alright?" Yunho asked him, eyebrows raised as he observed San try to fix his hair again.

"Yes, everything is fine." San regretted only slightly the way his voice sounded a little too sharp.

"Did something happen with Hongjoong?" Yunho insisted, and he knew he was right when San's voice rose one octave and he tried to deny everything.

"No!" San almost yelled, but he quickly composed himself and cleared his throat. "No, nothing happened with Captain Hongjoong." Unconsciously, he accentuated the word captain, feeling better after putting some imaginary distance between him and Hongjoong. "He'll be here shortly."

Said and done, Hongjoong joined them after a couple of minutes, changed into a clean set of clothes. He greeted everyone with a smile and began explaining the situation to those who hadn't heard during the ruckus and had simply followed orders. He then let Jongho detail the status of the ship.

"It's not too bad that I can't fix it, we won't need to buy a new fuel tank." Jongho concluded.

"That does take some weight off of out shoulders." Hongjoong smiled. "The next pressing issue is that we need to get more fuel..."

"That might be a problem." Siyeon spoke, gathering everyone's attention. "Tebos is a very poor planet, it might be expensive to find fuel. We could potentially refill the tank enough to get us to another planet and buy from there." She suggested. Hongjoong hummed and considered it for a few seconds.

"This sure looks like home, then." San muttered to himself, but Hongjoong heard him and looked at him for a moment before continuing with the discussion.

"Let's try to find us a good deal in fuel, if we can't do that then I'll ask San to find us the closest planet so we can calculate how much fuel we need to get there." Hongjoong concluded, and everyone else nodded. "I'll take Yunho and Siyeon with me to barter for the price, Second Mate?" 

"Yes sir?" Hwanwoong asked, although it was more of a formal exchange, since he already knew what Hongjoong was going to say.

"You're in charge for the time being, make sure Jongho has everything he needs to fix the ship." Hongjoong ordered, briefly smiling at Jongho. "If something is missing, let us know and we'll buy it."

"Alright, sir." Hwanwoong nodded.

"Let's get to work then!" Hongjoong clapped his hands twice and the ship went back to life as everyone mobilized.

Yunho and Siyeon followed him off the ship and into the port, where they would try gathering information on where to get fuel first. Yunho immediately approached Hongjoong as they descended, grabbing his arm to pull him close and whisper to him. Siyeon, way too used to these displays of affection, just ignored them and walked a little bit ahead of them.

"What did you do to San?" Yunho asked. His face looked serious but his voice was playful, so Hongjoong knew there was nothing to worry about.

"I did nothing!" Hongjoong exclaimed, looking offended.

"He looked really...flustered, when he came out to deck." Yunho explained.

"Oh really?" Hongjoong smiled. "I told him to call me only by name when there's just the two of us, since we spend so much time together and sometimes I need a break from hearing the word Captain, you know?" Yunho hummed in understanding.

"Was that all you did to him or...?" Yunho pressed, still not satisfied with the answer.

"Okay, maybe I did offer him to wait for me while I changed clothes..." Hongjoong continued. Yunho opened his mouth in a fake gasp and Hongjoong punched him on the arm for it. "I was behind the wall! He couldn't even see anything." Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

"He's gonna report you for unwanted sexual advances." Yunho joked.

"Oh shut up! Don't even joke about that." Hongjoong groaned, shoving Yunho away.

"I'm sorry, it was in bad taste." He smiled sheepishly and put his arm around Hongjoong's shoulders. "Won't do it again." He kissed Hongjoong's temple and Hongjoong pushed him away softly.

"Alright, alright, but we're in public Mr. First Mate, let's keep things professional." Hongjoong warned him. Yunho let go of him but not without scoffing.

"Professional, sure."

--

Yeosang had been wandering around town for the day, stealing petty things to trade with other homeless people or sell them for a few coins and get himself some breakfast or lunch. He was just biding his time. He had overheard some guards talking about the cargo ships that were coming in that day and he had already planned out what he would do to ensure he could get a good bounty.

If he did well enough, he might be able to buy the cheapest ticket out of this planet and make his way elsewhere, look for better opportunities. If he did complete his goal, he would need to go back home to get all his documentation. He didn't really want to see his mother again, afraid that even glancing at her would make him want to not leave Tebos, but he knew it was a trial he would need to overcome by himself.

As he went around the main plaza, he glanced at the clock and noticed it was time for him to start moving towards the port. He was a little bit nervous, as this was the biggest robbery he had attempted so far, but he had studied the place carefully to ensure there would be no mistakes. Plus, he had invited some others to his little heist. At best, they would all get a good bounty and go on with their lives; at worst, Yeosang could use the distraction and escape to safety.

He knew it was cruel to think of the others as a distraction, but it was something they all knew would happen if it came down to it. It was, as some would say, survival of the fittest, and they would all willingly drop each other if it meant getting out unscathed. Yeosang tried not to think too much about how that mentality was wrong, because if he did, he would be easily left behind by the others. 

The path he followed towards the port was dark and small. His town was full of tall, crooked buildings that extended towards the sky and were too close together, making perfect alleyways to escape from the soldiers or to lure inexperienced people.  He had spent his childhood memorizing them, and now they had become his temporary home.

As he walked, others joined him on his way to the port, taking slightly different routes to make it less suspicious. When they finally arrived, there were several cargo ships lined across the port. The guards supposed to be taking care of the security were scattered around, lingering with no real intention of doing much. One or two ships had their own security, but they seemed from one of those cheap private agencies.

While they scanned the ships and planned how to divide them and what they would do, Yeosang's eyes fell upon a different, smaller ship that seemed out of place among the cargo ships. Something about it felt familiar to him, but he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. The ship was gorgeous, and it also looked quite expensive, so he felt the need to check it out.

"I'll take that small ship over there," he informed the others, who looked at him like he was crazy.

"That's not a cargo ship." One commented, feeling the need to state the obvious.

"I know, I still want to check it out." Yeosang insisted.

"That is not what we agreed on, you're alone on this one." Another person commented, and Yeosang shrugged.

"I don't mind that." For some reason, he didn't want to bring them with him. It felt like that ship was only meant for him, and he felt okay not getting their help. "Let's go."

--

"You look upset." Yunho told Hongjoong as they waited for Siyeon to come back. She was the best at bartering from the three of them, and she insisted on doing it alone or they would slow her down.

"Yeah..." Hongjoong nodded, but was too lost in thought to reply.

"What is it? Maybe I can help." Yunho insisted softly.

"I'm just thinking about what San said, that this place was much like home." Hongjoon  explained, letting out a long sigh.

"And it bothers you to think that he lived on a planet like this one." Yunho complemented.

"Just look at this place! This planet is part of the Kim Empire..." Hongjoong huffed. "I wasn't sure at first but I recognized the uniforms of the patrol soldiers, what is my father doing?" His voice was low but Yunho could tell he was in a bad mood.

“And what do you want to do?” Yunho asked.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure there is something I can actually do right now, since I am undercover.” Hongjoong sighed, ruffling his hair in frustration. Yunho grabbed his hands tightly and pushed them down. “We don’t have money to help a whole planet, which shouldn’t even need help.”

“Alright, we can’t help them now, but as the Prince, what can you do to help them in the future?” Yunho continued, helping Hongjoong think things through.

“Remember them,” Hongjoong said with certainty. “I can remember them and take note of the things that need to be changed, and then present it to my father.” Yunho smiled and nodded.

“What a smart Prince.” Yunho squeezed his hands softly. Hongjoong smiled and took a deep breath.

“Thank you for helping ground me.” Hongjoong said.

“Anytime,” Yunho pressed a kiss to his forehead and let go of his hands.

Hongjoong took a few deep breaths and made a mental note of everything he had observed about Tebos so far. At that moment, Siyeon returned to them. Her face indicated that she didn’t bring the best of news, but they kept their hopes up. 

“The least expensive place so far, but still pretty expensive.” She sighed. “Plus, I heard some bad news.” Hongjoong groaned.

“What is it now?” He asked.

“Now? Did something else happen?” Siyeon raised an eyebrow, but Yunho shook his head.

“I’ll fill you in later, what happened?” Yunho insisted, not wanting to stress Hongjoong out again.

“Apparently the amount of robberies has gone up recently, and some people heard rumors of a group stealing from cargo ships.” Siyeon explained. “And we’re surrounded by cargo ships today.” Hongjoong sighed.

“Let’s head back,” the Captain said. “Let’s make sure everything is in order and then we’ll deal with the fuel.”

—

Yeosang approached the beautiful dark vessel with white sails carefully. He was mesmerized by it. Something about it called to him, and it felt almost familiar, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was. He paced around the ship for a moment, admiring it, before he focused on finding an entrance. 

He recognized the ship model from a ship his father had worked in previously. Everything he knew about ships was thanks to his father, even if he somewhat hated to admit it. Still, he had to admit that his father had given him the dream of becoming the captain of a ship. This particular model was refined and less common, since it possessed very high specs and it wasn’t particularly cheap to produce.

Whoever owned this ship was a person of fortune and power, exactly what Yeosang was looking for. If he remembered correctly, there was a little entrance close to the propellers, made for ease of access when they needed maintenance in space. It wasn't a strong point of the vessel, since it was necessary to ensure that a person doing maintenance wouldn't be locked out, but it was also well hidden due to this. Yeosang passed his hands around the ship over and over until eventually he found the little latch and pulled on it.

"Got it," he grinned when he noticed it hadn't been locked from the inside and the door opened to the maintenance area of the ship.

Someone had probably left it open from a previous maintenance check and had forgotten to lock it. That was a beginners move. If things went well, maybe they could learn a lesson from their stuff being stolen by Yeosang; if not, well, Yeosang would have more important things to worry about than teach them a lesson.

He pressed his arms against the floor of the ship and pulled himself up, trying to keep his voice quiet as he struggled to lift his own weight. He hadn't been eating properly for days so it was difficult to make use of all his strength, but eventually he made it in. After some careful consideration, he decided to close the hatch and just hope it would be unlocked when he came back, since living it open could attract other burglars.

Slowly, he made his way around the maintenance area of the ship, paying special attention to any noises that could indicate someone else was there with him. It was a risky move, truly, since when else would be a better time to perform maintenance on a ship than when at port, but it was also his best shot. The ship was dead silent however, and as he gained confidence, he started moving quicker with his goal set on the captain's quarters.

"Stop right there." A cool voice said.

Yeosang turned around as his hand went towards his belt, where he kept a dagger he had been using during his life in the streets. His hand didn't make it that far, however, as he stopped as soon as he felt the tip of a sword pressing against his neck. In front of him stood a man, eyes dead cold and expression serious. His stance was flawless as he held the sword perfectly still against Yeosang, and he knew that this could only come from years of training. Whoever was on board this ship wasn't just any rich merchant if they could hire people with these skills.

His expression went blank, giving away nothing as he stared the man down with a similar glare, almost daring him to go further. Yeosang's hand inched little by little towards his knife. He knew he couldn't win against an electric chimera with a common dagger he had found among his dad's left behind belongings, but he wasn't going down without a fight either. Just as his fingers grazed the handle of his dagger, another voice spoke from behind him.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you." Said the voice, as the mouth of a gun pressed against his back. Yeosang sighed.

"Don't bring a knife to a gun fight, or so they say." Yeosang moved his hand away from the dagger and raised both of his arms, admitting defeat.

"Wise choice." The man in front of him said, but his sword pressed more against Yeosang's neck, prickling him sightly. Yeosang hissed.

"Don't do that San!" The man behind him sounded scandalized as he moved the gun away and forced Yeosang's arms behind his back, easily holding both wrists with one hand.

"Sorry, I am not kin to people stealing on my ship." The man named San said as he sheathed his sword.

Yeosang noticed they were putting nothing on his wrists, so he made an attempt to pull them away and run, but the grip only grew tighter, making him yelp. How could someone be so strong? He turned his head around as much as he could, trying to take a glance at the person holding him down, but all he got was an uncomfortably kind smile and a shrug. That made no sense.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you, I don't want to accidentally break your wrists." The man warned, looking only slightly apologetic.

"We should tie him up and take him to the main deck," San suggested, turning around. "I'll go look for something to tie him up with, keep an eye on him."

San left and the two of them stood in the middle of the little hallway in uncomfortable silence. This was, by far, the most humiliating thing Yeosang had gone through since he had started living on the streets, stealing to make his days. How could someone hold him down so easily with one hand? He knew he wasn't the strongest, and he certainly wasn't in the best shape due to his situation, but it still felt like a little too much.

"Who are you?" The man asked him. Yeosang could tell there was curiosity in his voice, but he remained silent. "I guess not telling me anything about you might be better for you..."

"How are you so strong?" Yeosang asked instead, exasperated because he couldn't move.

"I've been doing heavy work since I was young?" The man replied, but he didn't sound very certain.

They stayed in silence after that until San came back and changed places with the other man, who held him down while San tied up a complicated knot around Yeosang's wrists. He tugged at the knot but it didn't shift even slightly, which raised his suspicions that San had definitely been trained as something. Just who was the owner of this ship?

"Let's go Jongho, the Captain will want to see him once he gets back." San ordered, and the other man, Jongho, nodded and pushed Yeosang towards the main deck.

[arthurtristankingsmen]

*pokes head out of bushes* Hello I just found your blog and I already love you, so let me sing you the song of my people and throw a far reaching theory at you because I have so many thoughts right now. So, I watched The Future and I noticed the colors leaking out of Mystery's heart seem to correspond to people Mystery cares about (ex: blue for Vivi, and white for Shiro). ((1/???))

And whenever someone he cares about gets hurt, his heart becomes a little bit more damaged (and their corresponding color start's leaking out). Mystery also gains a tail. The tail gaining can be seen when Vivi gets hurt and when Shiro dies. Our fox dogo goes from 7 to 9 tails. Now going back to the heart- notice how there are 8 colors popping out it. If blue and white are Vivi and Shiro, then its safe to say that yellow and pink represent Arthur and Lewis. 

The reason why I say this is that- not only do the colors correspond- but in, Ghost, (when Mystery bites off Author's possessed arm) he is seen having six tails, and by Freaking Out and Hellbent 7. This gives me the notion that in the beginning, before the group entered the cave, Mystery had 5 tails. Then when he had to bite off Author's arm, he gained a 6th tail; and when he discovered Lewis's death a 7th sprouted. 

 Now going back to his heart. If 4 of the colors represent Vivi, Author, Lewis, and Shiro; then, what about the other 4? Well, if Mystery had 5 tails before entering the cave, it's safe to say that he had 4 painful experiences prior.

In Hellbent, there's a flashback where we see mystery sitting in (I'm assuming) one of Shiro's trees. In that flash back he has all nine tails. Also in Hellbent Viv's bat has a few talismans on it's handle, according to the wiki their Shinto omamori talismans. And considering that her grandmother is dressed like a shinto priestess- Vivi might be descended from a long line of priest and priestess. 

You maybe asking why I've mention this, well back in The Future, there appear to be 2 talisman like patches on Mystery's heart. It's possible that when Mystery joined up with Mushi, Mushi had to nerf his powers bringing his tails from 9 to 1. The reason for this? No clue but it would explain why he had 5 tails instead of 9. ((I'm sorry if this stuff seemed repetitive, I know other's have already said this but I felt like I had to build up for the crazy stuff. 6))

Now, to the far reaching part of this theory. So, after looking over Ghost again I noticed two things. 1, the shot where ??? possess half of Arthur- ??? seems to glare at Lewis before pushing him off. Afterwords raising his possessed hand bearing the ticked off symbol you see in anime. 2, the hand that ??? is possessing is the exact same color of green that's leaking out of mystery's heart. Coincidence? I think not! 

I am of firm belief that ??? has had it out for the mystery crew from the very beginning, or at least towards Lewis. Why else would ??? go out of it's way to wait in the cave (yes I believe it was in the bat) for the gang to show up when it could of posses anyone else, after all, I'm sure Arthur isn't the only person in the world that feels envy. Also who go out if it way to kill Lewis? If it just wanted a body, it could of waited and completely taken over Arthur. 

This brings us back to the heart. On Mushi’s character sheet it stats: ‘Her fate seems intertwined with the modern-day Vivi, but in what way currently remains a mystery’. I remember someone on here mentioning or interpreting it as Vivi having a parallel journey to Mushi’s. If that is the case, then what if Mushi went through the same thing Vivi when through. As in, Mushi’s lover was killed by a mutual friend. But, instead of being possessed, the friend really did mean to kill. 

Like back when Mystery had one tail, ??? was part of Mushi’s group. And like Arthur, they were jealous of whoever Mushi was with and killed them (or hurt them) causing Mushi and Mystery to retaliate resulting in ???’s death or banishment (causing Mystery to sprout a few tails). Hundreds of years later ??? stumbles across the Mystery Skulls and decides to take revenge. Idk, this was longer than expected. I will now return to the bushes. Sorry for spamming your inbox and thank you listening!

Hi wow!! first of all, thank you for the kind words! 

I was actually thinking similarly for most of this-- i noticed the colors and it relating to injuries too, but i wasn’t sure if it was related to bad enough injuries, or if it was ‘failure to protect’. I actually discussed the potential that Mystery grew two tails in the cave-- one being when Lewis died, which put him at six, and then the next when he removed Arthur’s arm, so the portrait is a moment before the next tail grew. I think the one tail is Mystery’s first he was born with, and that would probably be the one that’s inverse colors compared to the rest- it’s kinda close to his pallet color wise and looks different, and each of the others corresponds to a color.

I could certainly see given the ancestor felt like they were hunting Shiromori and Mystery, the family having some connection to dealing with spirits! The grandma apparently wouldn’t have let Vivi keep Mystery herself where her dad did, because apparently the dad isn’t ‘superstitious’ and white dogs are a bad sign iirc? So maybe it was a familial thing but Vivi’s dad stepped away from that kind of tradition instead, but most of vivi’s ancestor’s have been affiliated with spirit things, be it stabbing them with a sword or something more shinto related haha.

I still have my thoughts on if that kitsune is truly mystery due to some details, but honestly, I could see if that is Mystery, Mushi having to do something like that. I don’t know for sure, but it’s an interesting thought and would at least be a reason Mystery has the tags there.

The idea that they did have some kind of connection beforehand is really interesting though! They did say that there would be some kind of parallel to mushi’s story, but they definitely don’t elaborate. It’s possible it’s just associating/needing to fight a nine-tailed Mystery, and even fighting shiromori, or even just meaning they have a connection to one another kinda similar to reincarnation of sort....but it’s also possible it’s related to another aspect of Vivi that has happened, being the cave in a way.

Personally, I don’t think Arthur was jealous. I headcanon that Lewis and Vivi’s relationship was new, and Arthur felt left behind by how wrapped up in each other they became-- in the cave he was anxious and if he was already feeling insecure, those emotional vulnerabilities made him a target. But that opening might have even been a chance for ??? to enact it’s own jealousy in a way arthur would never even be tempted in.

The only struggle I find is how ??? ended up in middle of nowhere cave in tempo texas from probably japan, if that’s the case. But it’s entirely possible within the theory that ??? didn’t stumble on them by happenstance, and actually tracked them down, much like how shiromori was doing. 

It’s also possible in a different vein, that rather than it being something he failed to protect, that it is about damage and Mystery grew three tails in the cave-- if you subscribe to the thought arthur still is a bit possessed, and Mystery isn’t fully because of it (mainly because of the color scheme and the fact he has his red floof on the left side still) then maybe the green light is because of the damage he did to ??? as well, by rending it into pieces (one on in arthur, one in the arm)

It’s all really interesting theories and conjecture!