#hopefully it has some re-read value as well

[ambiguouspuzuma]

Justice

"How can I be of assistance?" Schaefer asked. Given his line of work, he could probably take a guess. Private detection was largely what it said on the tin, and there was a limit to the services he offered: detecting things, where a client couldn't go to the real cops, where the sin fell short of illegality, or where they wanted to keep it confidential. He detected things privately, and that's what people came to him for. It wasn't exactly a stab in the dark.

The woman sitting across from him had the appearance of his usual clientele: scruffy, anxious, weary from a challenging life. The kind who could afford to hire him, but not one of his better-heeled competitors. The kind of problem a guy like him was good for; probably a husband playing away from home, or at least the suspicion that he was. In Schaefer's experience, such suspicions tended to be easily proven true.

This would be a tailing gig, most likely, he figured: following someone, making a note of their movements, taking some incriminating snaps on his long-lens camera, and billing this poor sap for the overtime. He'd used to add a surcharge for the extra film - and more, if they wanted to keep the negatives - but it was all done digitally nowadays. Perhaps he could start charging for packs of tissues instead. His clients tended to be weepers, and the boxes in his office didn't grow on trees.

"I've come about a murder," the woman said - her voice as firm and matter-of-fact as it had been when he'd asked about her journey in, and she'd complained about the number of cyclists on the street at this time of day. "I'd like you to find a killer."

"Right," Schaefer said. That wasn't matter-of-fact at all. He tried to feign a similar sort of calm, as if this was all in a usual day's work, like he'd caught three murderers before lunchtime, but in truth this was a huge deal - and not to mention completely new to him. Homicide cases were for actual detectives. The sort that he'd once dreamt of being, before he'd been canned from the force for planting evidence. If he solved this one, fair and square, that meant that they would have to start respecting him again. "Who's the victim?"

"My brother."

She provided the needful background, her details painting a picture of a man that seemed more like a caricature - Schaefer asked the kind of questions he'd heard on TV, late-night re-runs of detective shows he'd idolised as a kid, and was surprised by how many of the answers were yes. Sure, her brother had enemies. Sure, she could think of people who might wish him harm. How long did they have for their appointment?

From what his sister knew, this victim sounded like an interesting sort of character, and certainly one who moved in dangerous circles. There seemed to be plenty of suspects: whole subsets of people who'd wanted him dead, whether from his street-level rezophlam dealing, his collision with a school bus last year, or even his loud, controversial views on what could just about be termed politics, though he seemed well outside of any Overton window.

Schaefer worked the job as best he could, investigating each of those colourful avenues. Addicts and suppliers. Grieving parents. Grassroots campaign groups. They took him to some unexpectedly dark places: it turned out that the rezophlam game was in the middle of a turf war, and his client-in-law wouldn't have been the first forgotten casualty. His political allies seemed to be unhinged conspiracists, too paranoid to believe a word that Schaefer said, identify themselves, or even acknowledge they were known to the deceased.

Oddly, the families seemed unaware of his involvement in the crash, and the bus driver had drawn all the blame: Schaefer picked up the rest of the story in the local news, and saw the poor guy was receiving some particularly twisted death threats in anonymous print. The paper was appealing for some healing and togetherness, but even they didn't mention another party to the crash, perhaps afraid of further focusing that hunger for revenge.

Eventually, those roads led to the hospital.

Somebody came for him, at night, as he walked home from the office. Schaefer didn't see who, but he felt the knife as it passed between his ribs, twisted before it was drawn away, and assumed that it was linked to this case. Caught cheaters could be angry, but they usually knew they only had themselves to blame. Nobody had ever come to kill the messenger before.

"I'm sorry," he rasped, the stitches straining with every breath. It had been good of the woman to visit, but she shouldn't be feeling guilty about this. The danger was part of the job. If anything, he had been the one to let her down. "The police are on it now. They'll find the one who did this, and maybe learn that they're the one who killed your brother too."

"They won't," she told him, inspecting the chart the doctor had left beside his bed. "My brother wasn't killed. You won't remember him, but you actually put him away, back when you were still a cop. He was innocent, of course - but this was before they learnt that you were guilty. He's still serving life in prison."

"What?" Schaefer tried to sit up, but his body wouldn't let him. The doctors had told him to rest, and the wounds and bandages had given him no other choice. "But if your brother's alive... why did you set me searching for his killer?"

"His killer? I don't believe that I was ever so specific." The woman smiled as she observed the depth of his wounds, the way the blood had seeped into his shirt, and still drained through into his bandages. "Any killer would have done. I'm glad to see that you found one."

[fozmeadows]

tools not rules: the importance of critical thinking

More than once, I’ve talked about the negative implications of Evangelical/purity culture logic being uncritically replicated in fandom spaces and left-wing discourse, and have also referenced specific examples of logical overlap this produces re, in particular, the policing of sexuality. What I don’t think I’ve done before is explain how this happens: how even a well-intentioned person who’s trying to unlearn the toxic systems they grew up with can end up replicating those systems. Even if you didn’t grow up specifically in an Evangelical/purity context, if your home, school, work and/or other social environments have never encouraged or taught you to think critically, then it’s easy to fall into similar traps - so here, hopefully, is a quick explainer on how that works, and (hopefully) how to avoid it in the future.

Put simply: within Evangelism, purity culture and other strict, hierarchical social contexts, an enormous value is placed on rules, and specifically hard rules. There might be a little wiggle-room in some instances, but overwhelmingly, the rules are fixed: once you get taught that something is bad, you’re expected never to question it. Understanding the rules is secondary to obeying them, and oftentimes, asking for a more thorough explanation - no matter how innocently, even if all you’re trying to do is learn - is framed as challenging those rules, and therefore cast as disobedience. And where obedience is a virtue, disobedience is a sin. If someone breaks the rules, it doesn’t matter why they did it, only that they did. Their explanations or justifications don’t matter, and nor does the context: a rule is a rule, and rulebreakers are Bad.

In this kind of environment, therefore, you absorb three main lessons: one, to obey a rule from the moment you learn it; two, that it’s more important to follow the rules than to understand them; and three, that enforcing the rules means castigating anyone who breaks them. And these lessons go deep: they’re hard to unlearn, especially when you grow up with them through your formative years, because the consequences of breaking them - or even being seen to break them - can be socially catastrophic.

But outside these sorts of strict environments - and, honestly, even within them - that much rigidity isn’t healthy. Life is frequently far more complex and nuanced than hard rules really allow for, particularly when it comes to human psychology and behaviour - and this is where critical thinking comes in. Critical thinking allows us to evaluate the world around us on an ongoing basis: to weigh the merits of different positions; to challenge established rules if we feel they no longer serve us; to decide which new ones to institute in their place; to acknowledge that sometimes, there are no easy answers; to show the working behind our positions, and to assess the logic with which other arguments are presented to us. Critical thinking is how we graduate from a simplistic, black-and-white view of morality to a more nuanced perception of the world - but this is a very hard lesson to learn if, instead of critical thinking, we’re taught instead to put our faith in rules alone.

So: what does it actually look like, when rule-based logic is applied in left-wing spaces? I’ll give you an example: 

Sally is new to both social justice and fandom. She grew up in a household that punished her for asking questions, and where she was expected to unquestioningly follow specific hard rules. Now, though, Sally has started to learn a bit more about the world outside her immediate bubble, and is realising not only that the rules she grew up with were toxic, but that she’s absorbed a lot of biases she doesn’t want to have. Sally is keen to improve herself. She wants to be a good person! So Sally joins some internet communities and starts to read up on things. Sally is well-intentioned, but she’s also never learned how to evaluate information before, and she’s certainly never had to consider that two contrasting opinions could be equally valid - how could she have, when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and when she was always told there was a singular Right Answer to everything? Her whole framework for learning is to Look For The Rules And Follow Them, and now that she’s learned the old rules were Bad, that means she has to figure out what the Good Rules are. 

Sally isn’t aware she’s thinking of it in these terms, but subconsciously, this is how she’s learned to think. So when Sally reads a post explaining how sex work and pornography are inherently misogynistic and demeaning to women, Sally doesn’t consider this as one side of an ongoing argument, but uncritically absorbs this information as a new Rule. She reads about how it’s always bad and appropriative for someone from one culture to wear clothes from another culture, and even though she’s not quite sure of all the ways in which it applies, this becomes a Rule, too. Whatever argument she encounters first that seems reasonable becomes a Rule, and once she has the Rules, there’s no need to challenge them or research them or flesh out her understanding, because that’s never been how Rules work - and because she’s grown up in a context where the foremost way to show that you’re aware of and obeying the Rules is to shame people for breaking them, even though she’s not well-versed in these subjects, Sally begins to weigh in on debates by harshly disagreeing with anyone who offers up counter-opinions. Sometimes her disagreements are couched in borrowed terms, parroting back the logic of the Rules she’s learned, but other times, they’re simply ad hominem attacks, because at home, breaking a Rule makes you a bad person, and as such, Sally has never learned to differentiate between attacking the idea and attacking the person. 

And of course, because Sally doesn’t understand the Rules in-depth, it’s harder to explain them to or debate with rulebreakers who’ve come armed with arguments she hasn’t heard before, which makes it easier and less frustrating to just insult them and point out that they ARE rulebreakers - especially if she doesn’t want to admit her confusion or the limitations of her knowledge. Most crucially of all, Sally doesn’t have a viable framework for admitting to fault or ignorance beyond a total groveling apology that doubles as a concession to having been Morally Bad, because that’s what it’s always meant to her to admit you broke a Rule. She has no template for saying, “huh, I hadn’t considered that,” or “I don’t know enough to contribute here,” or even “I was wrong; thanks for explaining!” 

So instead, when challenged, Sally remains defensive: she feels guilty about the prospect of being Bad, because she absolutely doesn’t want to be a Bad Person, but she also doesn’t know how to conceptualise goodness outside of obedience. It makes her nervous and unsettled to think that strangers could think of her as a Bad Person when she’s following the Rules, and so she becomes even more aggressive when challenged to compensate, clinging all the more tightly to anyone who agrees with her, yet inevitably ending up hurt when it turns out this person or that who she thought agreed on What The Rules Were suddenly develops a different opinion, or asks a question, or does something else unsettling. 

Pushed to this sort of breaking point, some people in Sally’s position go back to the fundamentalism they were raised with, not because they still agree with it, but because the lack of uniform agreement about What The Rules Are makes them feel constantly anxious and attacked, and at least before, they knew how to behave to ensure that everyone around them knew they were Good. Others turn to increasingly niche communities and social groups, constantly on paranoid alert for Deviance From The Rules. But other people eventually have the freeing realisation that the fixation on Rules and Goodness is what’s hurting them, not strangers with different opinions, and they steadily start to do what they wanted to do all along: become happier, kinder and better-informed people who can admit to human failings - including their own - without melting down about it.   

THIS is what we mean when we talk about puritan logic being present in fandom and left-wing spaces: the refusal to engage with critical thinking while sticking doggedly to a single, fixed interpretation of How To Be Good. It’s not always about sexuality; it’s just that sexuality, and especially queerness, are topics we’re used to seeing conservatives talk about a certain way, and when those same rhetorical tricks show up in our fandom spaces, we know why they look familiar. 

So: how do you break out of rule-based thinking? By being aware of it as a behavioural pattern. By making a conscious effort to accept that differing perspectives can sometimes have equal value, or that, even if a given argument isn’t completely sound, it might still contain a nugget of truth. By trying to be less reactive and more reflective when encountering positions different to your own. By accepting that not every argument is automatically tied to or indicative of a higher moral position: sometimes, we’re just talking about stuff! By remembering that you’re allowed to change your position, or challenge someone else’s, or ask for clarification. By understanding that having a moral code and personal principles isn’t at odds with asking questions, and that it’s possible - even desirable - to update your beliefs when you come to learn more than you did before. 

This can be a scary and disquieting process to engage in, and it’s important to be aware of that, because one of the main appeals of rule-based thinking - if not the key appeal - is the comfort of moral certainty it engenders. If the rules are simple and clear, and following them is what makes you a good person, then it’s easy to know if you’re doing the right thing according to that system. It’s much, much harder and frequently more uncomfortable to be uncertain about things: to doubt, not only yourself, but the way you’ve been taught to think. And especially online, where we encounter so many more opinions and people than we might elsewhere, and where we can get dogpiled on by strangers or go viral without meaning to despite our best intentions? The prospect of being deemed Bad is genuinely terrifying. Of course we want to follow the Rules. But that’s the point of critical thinking: to try and understand that rules exist in the first place, not to be immutable and unchanging, but as tools to help us be better - and if a tool becomes defunct or broken, it only makes sense to repair it. 

Rigid thinking teaches us to view the world through the lens of rules: to obey first and understand later. Critical thinking teaches us to use ideas, questions, contexts and other bits of information as analytic tools: to put understanding ahead of obedience. So if you want to break out of puritan thinking, whenever you encounter a new piece of information, ask yourself: are you absorbing it as a rule, or as a tool? 

[night-raven-tattler]

A second opinion - Resorting the Night Raven College students into different dorms

Summary: Based on their personal headcanons and this post made by @thoselethalarts, Mx Tattly took it upon themselves to sort the NRC students into dorms different than their own - just for fun! She'd appreciate your feedback and opinions, as he is no Magic Mirror, so feel free to add your imput!

Characters: First year notable students (Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel, Ortho and Sebek)

Other parts of the series: Second year notable students, Third year notable students

Warnings: none

By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of source confidentiality.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

A good fit for Heartslabyul's strict environment would be Sebek!

He is a boy with a very strong code of conduct that he follows religiously. Sebek is very strict with himself and follows his personal rules and daily routine with no exception. He puts a lot of value in the importance of rules and authority figures to maintain peace and order, since it's the only thing he knows: as a hopefully royal guard to be, Sebek believes in his liege first and in himself second. And, as a guard, he is very protective.

Sebek believes his way of thinking is the correct one and has no shame in trying to instill his views on others. He considers that he is doing what's right for his liege and the world, and no one can convince him otherwise. He'd make a good card soldier, maybe a spade suit or a heart suit.

『••✎••』

Deuce would make a good candidate for Savanaclaw.

He has an ironclad willpower and determination in spades (pun intended), which are his main driving forces in life. He is determined to become a honor student and to right all the wrongs he's ever done, a resolution he clings to harder and harder with every day.

Deuce is gutsy, and when push comes to shoves he is ready to fight back. He has a strong sense of loyalty, and he is willing to do anything for the ones he considers part of his "gang". He is a dedicated friend and family member and believes in payback, especially when he has been wronged in some way.

『••✎••』

Another good candidate for the Savanaclaw student spot is Epel!

His initial wish to be sorted in Savanaclaw was not random. Epel has the (in)famous Savanaclaw willpower and determination. Epel knows what he wants -he wants to be a strong mage who can help Harveston thrive- and his pride for his community is unwavering. He knows how hard he needs to fight and he is willing to work himself to the bone when needed.

Epel also is somewhat of an idealist, and he has big dreams for himself. From being a great mage to someone his whole hometown will be proud of, Epel strives to be this amazing, reliable figure worth of respect and who doesn't deserve belittling. He won't back down from any fight, even if he has to throw the first punch, and he gets back up even after losing.

『••✎••』

Ace would fit well in Scarabia.

He is a clever and cunning boy, who knows when to be straightfoward and when to be sneaky. From facing his own housewarden to pretending to ask Leona a smart question in order to not be used a bait, Ace is intelligent and can read situations very well, skills he uses to his advantage. He is also not above playing roles and feigning innocence if the end goal appeals to him.

Ace is resourceful, playful and knows what to say in a moment of need, making him very adaptable to any situation. Despite still getting into trouble, he insists it is part of his calculated risk. He is good at math, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices (re: get put on cleaning duty) for a good outcome (re: a nap at the back of the class).

『••✎••』

Pomefiore is a dorm whose values Jack would resonate with.

Jack is a boy who strives to improve himself in every area he can. Academics, sports, even with his hobbies, he always strives to become smarter, faster, wiser, better. Self improvement is his main driving force, and he loves knowing that he is improving, since he knows very well just how hard he is working to achieve his best self.

Generally speaking, Jack is very self aware and knows what his skills and strong points are. He is self assured, meticulous and last but not least, aware of his potential, which he cultivates every day without fail.

『••✎••』

Another good pick for Pomefiore would be Ortho!

Ortho is, above all else, very proud of his own skills and achievements. He is the only humanoid with the ability to learn and feel, that's quite an achievement! Yet he is not satisfied, as he knows technology (him included) will always have space for improvement. From making and maintaining his gears to joining clubs to extend his knowledge on human reactions, Ortho wants to become even better, and he is an unstoppable force.

Being a Shroud, Ortho comes with his own eccenticities, like calling everyone by their full names and considering using powerful lasers as a solution for most of his problems. Maybe it's because he's an android, but Ortho can get quite reckless and engage in risky behavior.

『••✎••』

[snailsnaps]

Part 2 of a Computer Science student's analysis of the FNAF: SB intro

Full with tech lingo, abundant personal interpretations, and translations so that my tech illiterate fellas may undertand whatever the fuck im yapping about!

This post is written under the context that you've read my last analysis. I highly recommend you first check out these two posts before continuing with this one if you haven't already: > First post + Continuation ( IMPORTANT!! ) > An addition to the first post

Once you've read through those two (three?) posts, come back here! You're back? You've read them? Awesome! Let's begin then. =)

Reminder! This analysis has been done based off of my own understanding of the subject of both computing and programming - which I am currently studying. I would also like to yet again shout out this reddit post, that also gives a great perspective. Definitely check it out if you're interested later!

Also I have not re-read this, you may find typos - don't hold it against me, they will be fixed, someday =(

Now then, fellas, this is where shit gets wild.

Last post, I talked about the command box we can see at the top right corner of the intro - what each command did and how it basically corresponded to what happens to freddy in the events of the intro.

However, you might recall I mentioned a second command box, the one found at the left side of the screen. This command box is by far the most important piece of information we have throughout the entire duration of the intro. Mostly, because it changes 3 times.

It changes a total of 3 times in the time it takes for the right command box to finish.

Each time it changes, it displays new lines of code. And every single line of code it displays, tells us a lot about what is happening to Freddy.

This is the first block of code that we get:

system32> Get-568_win heat_869%yTnu_bl8 lvl_b> 228.wst serial.dot_btb rec.556> dtd /

You might inmediately realize that the first line of code from this command box matches exactly the one from the first analysis. Here are both of them as comparison.

Hopefully, you've already made the connection. This command box is the one possibly being run by the Glitchtrap/Vanny Virus. Whatever lines of code appear on the command box to the left, are the ones being executed by the Virus - and they affect Freddy in real time. However, the command box on the right ir Freddy's, so to speak.

Both CLI (command line interfaces) are being run at the same time - yet independently of one another. Keep this in mind.

I don't want to go too in depth with this first block of code. All you need to know is that it moves around some directories and runs something called 'dtd', wich could be a command or a program.

The next two blocks of code, however? Ohhh damn... This is it, fellas. This is what I've been waiting for.

Now, I want you to know that this doesn't quite resemble any 'real' code, at least not at first glance. I do believe that it is a very 'condensed' form of the Python programming language, since the syntaxing of the commands shown here somewhat resemble how a string written in Python would look like.

So, I have taken the time to try to decipher what each line means, and what they do. And well, let's just say it explains why Freddy wasn't affected by the Virus in the first place.

def rule(x) return warning78 init; self_overdrive abort(3)RTLKt abort(5)XGE END

This is the second block of code that we're shown, so lets break it down.

def rule(x) return warning78 init;

This string would define "rule" as a function, specifying "x" as the parameter. Basically, this line specifies that if the command rule is inputted, it should return whatever value (or argument) x has taken.

Normally, define is followed by a return function, which is why I've shown them together, as well as the init; command.

The command return followed by "warning78", makes it so whenever we call upon the function rule, it shows us whatever warning78 may be - and judging as to what happens in the intro, it could be any of the multiple warnings that appear in Freddy's GUI. Or it could also easily be the big "WARNING!" message that can be seen the entire time near the top of the screen.

Lastly, the init; command isn't exactly a standardized python command - but it is a common abreviation of the initialization command, where in the field of programming, it means "the assignment of an initial value for a data object or variable". Basically, it's when you assign the initial values and variables to a program so it can start.

All in all, these three lines create a command that, when called upon, gives out the warning78.

self_overdrive

Again, not really a python function, but important nontheless. This command doesn't have a specific meaning, but we can try to understand what it does.

The term overdrive doesn't really exist in the field of computing/programming. However, it is asociated with overclocking - "the practice of increasing the clock rate of a computer to exceed that certified by the manufacturer" - Overdrive is also a term in the field of music, also known as distorsion, which is when you force an amplifier to output past its limits.

Both of these definitions go around the same concept, pushing a computer to its limits so that it works better, or faster - even while it possibly damages the computer.

We can then assume that the function self_overdrive is making Freddy's system run pasts its usual limits. Which is why I believe Freddy's integrity level plumits during the intro.

abort(3)RTLKt abort(5)XGE END

Lastly, we have these three lines.

The abort function isn't a real python function - but I believe you can asume what it does. Both lines are attempting to kill something - a program, a process, another function... However, I am not sure wether these two are really functions, since they could very easily be error handling messages. Essencially, warning messages that the system returns when something crashes, for example.

The last line, END, specifies the end of this string of code.

Which leads us to the third and last block of code. The one which in my professional opinion, is the one that reveals to us why Freddy's cool with us during Security Breach! =]

report.NULL gridlock [ax674] init_task>void alloc [overload] SW.failure return /

THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, FRIENDS. THIS IS IT. This is the part where I had the most fun with this analysis...

report.NULL

Now, usually report, in the field of programming and software, it means to record or log something. For example an error log, or crash log. However, it being followed by NULL could also mean that this is an error handling message of sorts.

In computing, Null is, well, zero. It's nothing. It's the absence of value, when something that should be there, isn't.

From this, we could gather that this is a warning message that attempted to report something, yet failed to find anything to report back. No value at all.

...or, we could take this line literally. Taking into consideration that this code is being executed by the virus - this line of code could be taken as an attempt by the virus to stop Freddy's system from freaking out.

Remember that this entire code is being executed as Freddy's actively getting a big flashing WARNING! message. So, this line of code could be an effort to silence it, returning a null value to a warning message.

Both scenarios are plausible, so stick with the one you think fits best!

gridlock [ax674]

This one... man... this line was wild. It's where everything clicked for me. You will want to ignore the characters [ax674], what we truly care about is the first word: gridlock.

You see, a gridlock isn't really a term used in computing at all. It is a term refering to a "severe congestion of traffic, where continuous queues of vehicles block an entire intersection". HOWEVER, gridlock is also known as another term for deadlock.

A deadlock is what's known as a stalemate. A situation where two opposing parties come to a point where no progress can be made. In programming, it means basically the same thing.

A situation where two processes can't proceed, since both of them are waiting for the other to release a resource. Now, imagine this scenario. We have two processes, A and B, and two resources, R1 and R2.

Process A is currently using resource R1.

Process B is currently using resource R2.

Process A requests resource R2, but is blocked because it's held by Process B.

Process B requests resource R1, but is blocked because it's held by Process A.

Now... imagine this situation, but with Freddy, and the virus.

What we most likely have here, the line gridlock [ax674], is an error handling message, warning that a deadlock is ocurring. The string of characters beside it has no meaning, and could easily be but an error handling code of sorts.

init_task>void

I've explained before that init is the abreviation of initialization. So, we can gather that this is a command that is attempting to initialize a task. Now then, in the context of the previous line, this one could mean one of two things:

The virus is attempting to initialize a task (a set of instructions) called void.

The virus is attempting to initialize a task, however, due to the deadlock, it returns this line as an error message, indicating a void return. In programming, when a function returns the word void, it usually means that the function was not able to return a value. It is similar to Null, yet not the same.

Either of these could be a posibility, so I will leave it to your personal interpretation.

And here it when it all goes to hell...

alloc [overload] SW.failure return

Alloc is not a real function, but it can be considered an abreviation of the word allocation. In computing, the allocation is the assignment of memory and resources to the various processes the system may have.

Proper memory and resource allocation is very important in a computer. As you may know, a computer as a limited amount of RAM it can work with, and the same goes for it's processing power. But, for example, what happens when you try to allocate resources that aren't available?

Well, a lot of things may happen. Mainly, the program could hang, the process could freeze - or the entire system could crash!

Remember earlier, we saw that it was likely that Freddy and the virus were in a deadlock. Yet, the Virus tried to allocate more resources to itself... Which overloaded the system, and likely resulted in the next line.

SW.failure has no real meaning - but I've interpreted the first two characters [SW] as software. This would make this line an error message warning about a software failure.

So... What does this all mean? How does it all tie together? Why didn't Freddy get infected by the Virus? Because it got too greedy. It tried to allocate too many resources/memory, overloaded the system and crashed both itself and Freddy.

Why only Freddy, though? Why didn't this happen to the other animatronics? That... I'm not sure. I believe this is more of a lore question rather than computer question.

In my opinion, I don't think this was a case of 'Freddy knew that he was getting infected by a virus, and fought back'. I'm leaning more to the posibility of it being a 'wrong place wrong time' type of situation... or maybe 'right place right time'? In general, a lot of factors and a lot of different things happened that lead to this specific scenario happening.

Anyways, this is it! This has been my analysis - or nerdy infodumping, if you please.

I do hope that I was able to teach you something today, and that this whole analysis helps you understand the animatronics a bit better - and helps you with future fanfics, comics, AUs, artworks... whatever!

One last reminder - if you have any more questions about this stuff, my ask box is open! I love talking about this stuff!!

Oh, and, coming soon...

DJMM's Bouncer Mode ! A theory by a computer science student as to why it's still present, and why it makes him so aggressive.

[king-paimon]

Houseki no Kuni Chapter 104 Thoughts: "My Way" By Frank Sinatra

Hello everyone! I hope your month had gone by well. Mine had been...eventful, to say the least, though I suppose things could have turned out much worse.

Anyways, that's not what this is about. I just finished going through the latest chapter and... wow. That last image. Many fans have pointed out the signs, and I think it's safe to say that those last few pages confirm how this long saga is finally going to end...

BUT before I get into that, as always, I'll share some of my thoughts in this post. This will be long and ramble-y as usual (I truly meant to keep it short this time, I swear! It just kept getting longer and longer...) and I may come back to update some things. And as always, please feel free to share your own thoughts!

BTW: After reading this chapter a few more times and struggling with a title for the post, "My Way" by Frank Sinatra kept popping up in my head. It's honestly pretty fitting. That's why it's my title now. Please look up the song and lyrics when you get the chance and you'll hopefully see what I mean.

View of Humanity Through Untainted Eyes (Or lack thereof...)

Like the last couple of chapters, this chapter was dialogue heavy and it was admittedly hard to pick which parts I liked the most. Eyeball's (Or should I address him as "Brother"?... I'm sticking with "Eyeball") dramatic performance at the beginning was very funny and informative. It really showed how much he not only hated humanity and yet valued the professor during her final moments. And his talk with Phos at the end of the chapter was engrossing. But for this section, I'll mostly focus on Phos's interactions with the pebbles; I'll focus more on the first pebble in the following section.

Phos has truly become a teacher/mentor-like figure ( and dare I say even parental figure) for these pebbles, especially because of how they spoke to them. Phos literally reminded me of a thoughtful pre-school teacher with how patient they are with each of the pebbles and giving them the chance to express their differing opinions and giving what I think were appropriate responses. In some ways, Phos's mannerisms in this chapter reminded me of Adamant, though Phos's approach with these pebbles seems more gently, at least to me.

Hmm...You know what's funny? As I was writing this portion, a little thought popped into my head claiming that Phos may have inadvertently adopted more of Adamant's habits than I first realized. I'll try to explain more on this in the next portion.

But let me first go back to another thing that I liked about Phos's interaction with the pebbles: their individual responses. It could have been so easy to have the pebbles all be likeminded after hearing the history of humans, but that's not what we got. Each pebble had their own opinion; some were curious, some were scared, some were right in the middle, and a few seemingly blasé. I don't know why but I like how these varying responses further emphasize that the pebbles individuality goes deeper than their varying appearances and mannerisms. And I'm also thankful that Phos and Eyeball weren't seemingly perturbed by their responses... at least Eyeball wasn't.

"I want everyone to be happy": Naivety or Profound Point of View?

Now let's focus on the main pebble, because of course, out of all the responses, their response to Phos and Eyeball had the most weight despite how simple it sounds on the surface.

You can argue that the pebble's response was due to their naiveté, but I think this pebble has repeatedly shown that their nuanced view of the world around them is sophisticated and mindful. After being told by Phos and Eyeball about how fascinating and yet awful humans were and even acknowledging humanities good and bad qualities, the pebble still believed that everyone deserves happiness, even those considered "bad".

I couldn't agree more with Eyeball and Phos on this page:

At first, I thought that these innocent and yet wise responses reminded me of old Phos, but the more I thought about it, this couldn't be further from the truth. While Phos was also very naïve at the beginning of the story, I think they were to lost in their own heads to truly think outside of their own unrealized desires, even when they claim their actions were to help everyone. So if you were to tell old Phos the stories of humanity and ask them the same questions, I don't think we would have gotten the same answers the pebble gave. And the more I think about, I doubt Phos would have ever made the same conclusion at any point in their story. There's nothing wrong with that, but that just has me thinking... It's interesting how this small pebbles seem more empathy for others than the previous human descendants, from the Lunarians, Admirabilis, and the even the Lustrous, even though they looked more human.

Tell me what you think! This was weird character analysis tangent and I'm curious to know if anyone has feels similarly or differently. But speaking of Phos's character... Onto the next section!

Friend to Closed Off Guardian: The barrier between Phos and the pebbles

While I was typing the paragraph that focused on Phos's mentor-like persona, I made a small realization. Is it just me or doesn't Phos's interactions with the pebbles feel different now? Yes, I pointed out that Phos is acting like a kind teacher in this chapter and I could be overanalyzing this, but while this interaction is cute on the surface, I can't help but feel there is more to this interaction. This is why I brought up Adamant, for Phos's interactions with the pebbles in this chapter reminded me of a certain aspect of Adamant's old relationship with the Lustrous.

As you may recall, Adamant assumed a leader/guardian role with the Lustrous over time. He had many reasons of doing so, including for their protection, but assuming this role came at a price; Adamant ended up keeping the Lustrous at an emotion distance. With the exception of Antarctictite and eventually Phos and Euclase, Adamant closed himself off from forming true close relationships to the gems, for their sake and his, effectively creating a barrier between them. This barrier only became obsolete after Adamant finally relented and opened up to the Earth gems after Phos's first attack on them, and even if it were just for a short time, Adamant and the Lustrous interacted on a somewhat equal footing.

Now lets go back to how Phos initially interacted with the pebbles. Not long after Phos found the first pebble, they didn't interact like how Adamant used to with the Lustrous. The two talked freely and sang together without a care in the world. Though Phos and this pebble are vastly different in many ways, it was clear that Phos saw them as a friend. An equal. And Phos was happy.

But now look at how Phos interacts with the pebbles now. I don't see Phos's interaction with the first pebble or any of the pebbles the same way anymore. Yes, Phos encourages the pebbles to speak freely, but to me, it feels like the same can't be said about Phos now. Phos isn't speaking as freely as they did before. They are selective in how they address the pebbles, kind of like Adamant. Phos is acting more like their guardian rather than their friend... like Adamant used to. Phos is fully embodying Adamants old role now and it's a little sad the more I think about.

After being alone for so long in more ways than one, Phos had finally found beings who treated them like a real friend. But because something in them changed, Phos is now slowly but surely assuming their role as the pebbles guardian and in doing so, that friendship connection is being replaced by a similar barrier that Adamant once donned.

Like I said, I'm probably overthinking this and giving Haruko Ichikawa more credit than what's due, but I just can't help but think about the parallels here. What do you think?

Acceptance: The End is Near

The last thing I'll touch on are the last few pages because...wow.

If I remember correctly from posts made by some keen eyed fans, the story had been hinting that the main sun is about to die. And one of the final stages of a star's death is that it would expand into either a red giant or a red super-giant, which was being depicted in that last image.

And if I'm interpreting those last few pages correctly, it seems that both Phos and Eyeball are aware that the sun will eventually consume the Earth. It will take a couple more thousand of years, but as we've seen here and in the previous chapters, time doesn't matter. The real end of everything is coming and those two are accepting it.

Yup. It looks like we have true confirmation for how this saga is going to finally end. And just like those two, I'm ready for it. Not out hatred or anything truly negative towards this series... I just feel like I'm ready for that final curtain call for this unique, thought provoking, and strenuous story.

I just hope the end will be a worthy end.

WHEW. This post ended up being even longer than I originally intended! Sorry about that. Regardless, I hope you liked it. Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts, even if you don't agree with me!

Until next time!

[thatgirl4815]

I guess I am the only one who does not find Sand pathetic at all lol I find Nick pathetic, to me Sand is just too forgiving and empathetic, not pathetic. He clearly sees that Ray is struggling and wants to help him because he likes him and because he knows he has no right to be mad at him because they both said they were just friends.

Like please can you tell me what has Sand done that is considered pathetic? Going after Ray when he called him a whore? Ray was drunk driving and could have killed himself and others, I just find that to be the act of a compassionate person that put his hurt feelings aside to prevent something much more severe.

Accept him back after he left him for Mew in ep3? They had a convo about it in ep4 and Ray seemed (lol) to understand, so they went back to being ‘friends’.

The only thing I can see is him not mentioning the whore comment and caring for Ray either way in ep7, but even then, I just can’t find it in me to think of that as pathetic, some people are just kind.

Tbh I think people get too into the meta reading of it all and get an idea of how a character is from it and then just look at everything that character does in the actual show thru that lens, thru that idea they read in the meta. And don’t get me wrong! Meta reading is fun but it’s not necessarily canon.

Anyway I hope this doesn’t come across as rude but I am a little confused haha.

Hi! So I think a lot of this has to do with the use of the word ‘pathetic’ as a descriptor, which I agree has very negative, almost helpless connotations. And I agree that Nick is very helpless in his feelings for Boston, but I don’t think Sand is in the same way. When Nick has his little meltdown to Sand about how he can’t handle Boston hating him, Sand admits to understanding him all too well, but Sand has this very level-headed awareness (he has this whole time) about his feelings for Ray, whereas Nick is just a puddle of emotions.

You make a good point. Sand is very empathetic and is genuinely a nice person for putting up with Ray’s insults. I think a lot of this discussion ultimately comes down to how Sand acts next episode, because at this point it doesn’t seem to be about helping Ray out of a potentially life-threatening situation. Now it’s much more about if Sand values himself enough to walk away from someone who obviously isn’t committed to him the way he deserves. I think that’s where the ‘pathetic’ thing comes in: Sand being there for someone who would discard him the moment the one he truly wants reciprocates his feelings. Not to say that Sand isn’t merely being a good person for getting Ray out of dangerous situations, but Sand shouldn’t feel obligated to save Ray on a regular basis when Ray is messing with his heart. It’s the regularity of it.

I mentioned in this reblog that I think Sand is only pathetic insofar as giving Ray 100% of his affection even when he knows that Ray would give all of his to Mew in a heartbeat if given the chance. Regardless of if he is helping him out if the kindness of his heart, there’s still the fact that Sand is someone who will make time in his day for someone who isn’t committed to him (which I suppose we could get into the ‘well, they aren’t technically in a relationship’ argument, but I think it was implicitly understood that Sand wanted it to be exclusive given how he reacts to the news that Ray likes Mew—still, this fact makes the whole situation even dicier as far as morals go).

Hopefully I didn’t just talk myself in circles there. Going back to the post I mentioned for the reblog—I think Sand did the compassionate thing by chasing after Ray in Ep6, but I think the fallout warranted a deeper discussion of “what are we?” that neither Sand or Ray have addressed. That’s partly on Sand, but it’s also on Ray. Ray at least has some idea of how deeply Sand cares for him, especially after Ep6, yet he doesn’t re-clarify boundaries.

[kradogsrats]

okay who’s ready for some real crazy-eyes red-string-and-pins-web shit about Soren and Viren’s upcoming arc

So when Aaravos taunts the gang via possessed Callum, he’s digging in on insecurities about roles that they have, for good or ill, made central to their identities. Ezran wishes to be the king his father wanted him to be, Rayla craves the assurance of a stable and valued place among her family and people that she thinks being a successful assassin would bring, Soren has chased his father’s love for his entire life, and of course Callum has based his identity on being a mage that is not a dark mage since season one, and already had a season-long journey about it.

Now, having set this up, and because they were pretty well-established character arc conflicts already, we are presumably going to get some payoff as each character wrestles with the questions it raises. You could phrase those a bunch of different ways depending on the individual character, but they all boil down to either being able to conquer the insecurity and make the role their own, or being able to let go of the role entirely and embark on a new path. So for example:

Ezran might conquer his insecurity in being king by facing challenges related to that and overcoming them, or he might release/redefine his idea of what kind of king he should be.

Rayla will probably have to work to release the expectations she holds for herself to conform perfectly to her society’s standards, but will hopefully also overcome her core insecurity with validation from her parents/Runaan.

Callum will have to deal with the vulnerability of being an avenue for Aaravos due to his single use of dark magic, and either find a way to nullify that or at least forgive himself for his perceived failure of unknowingly putting his loved ones in danger. Or he could go all-in on the dark magic, I’m not gonna judge.

BUT SOREN. Soren, Soren, Soren.

On the face of it, Soren’s path forward is obvious: accept that he will never have his father’s love or validation, and instead learn to love and validate himself. He was actually pretty much there when he thought Viren was dead, since that would mean changing their relationship is impossible. He’s gone, it’s over--focus on the living, i.e. Claudia. Now that Viren is alive again, Soren will have to re-confront a lot of stuff that he thought was settled, which is tough in its own right. It’s a straightforward (which is definitely not to say easy) journey of emotional growth that we have been rooting for Soren to have since the first season.

But look at Aaravos’s exact words regarding Soren. Aaravos ostensibly never lies, but that pronoun is doing some... presumptive lifting for the listeners. The interpretation we expect is “The failed son (Soren), whose father (Viren) wishes he (Soren) had never been born.” But there’s enough grammatical ambiguity there that you could also read it as “The failed son (Soren), whose father (Viren) wishes he (Viren) had never been born.”

Now, do I think Viren is self-loathing enough to wish he had never existed? Not really. Even in s4, he doesn’t really seem to regret anything in the sense of feeling it was wrong of him to do it. But a more nuanced question is whether he could perhaps wish that he had not been re-born. Does s4 Viren maybe wish Claudia had left well enough alone?

Honestly, I would probably say YEAH. At least a little bit. He’s traumatized, directionless, his daughter is on the way to destroying herself... things would be a lot less shitty if he simply hadn’t been born (again).

Notable also is that this scene is intercut with the emergence of Sir Sparklepuff, which is a scene where Viren is pretty dang low. It’s the scene where he’s most reluctant to accept the staff, refusing it several times until Claudia takes over in frustration... and then handily demonstrates that she definitely doesn’t need him anymore, and there’s objectively no reason for him to be there. He’s not hopeful about their chances of success in their mission, he’s more than a little reluctant about freeing the chrysalis being, and he essentially doesn’t have anything going for him re: “why bother” besides the fact that if he gives up, Claudia will have suffered for nothing. If there was a time to really wish none of this shit was happening... that would be it.

So basically, Aaravos’s taunt to Soren could actually not describe Viren’s feelings about Soren at all.

I don’t think that changes the anticipated emotional arc for Soren--he absolutely should grow and accept that how Viren treated him was shitty, and it’s okay to feel some kind or kinds of ways about it, and his value as a person isn’t determined by that. Maybe he’ll be able to save Claudia, maybe he’ll have to come to terms with being unable to. He has a found family that loves him. But it does change is leaving open the possibility that Soren could have that growth and ultimately receive the closure of, y’know... hearing his dad say that he’s proud of him once.

[malvenor]

alright, i'll give you benefit of the doubt. i'd like to hear exactly what's wrong with my breakdown if you dont mind! i say this with genuine interest in what you have to say, and curiosity, no malice at all. but i do think that if you're gonna say "everything in this is wrong," you'd do well to explain just what is so wrong, or at least just one example. just saying something is wrong without providing explanation also serves to make one look silly! ...hopefully i dont sound pretentious saying that.

i knooooooow i said i didnt wanna argue. i still don't, honestly. but well, debate is ok.

i do also want to give myself just a little defense and say that my post is a casual person's criticisms, rather than a huge big one meant to be taken seriously. emotions are in there, dyeing my commentary unsightly colors at times. not the biggest defense, but hey, its there.

so yeah, all that wordy preamble to say: yes, i'm probably wrong. in the interest of self-improvement, i'd like to know why!

I expected no response and got a genuinely respectful one! Sorry if I sounded snippy - plenty of things I like get a lot of odd and unfounded criticism, and it's very easy for little things to get under my skin. I can give a bit-by-bit breakdown, for sure! And I get that it's from a casual perspective, but such a lengthy review even from a casual perspective should have a tad more than the first third of the release version of a game completed, y'know?

Ahem, anyways! Preamble out of the way, and with all due respect (which is a fair amount thanks to your stellar attitude!), here are my nits and my picks:

Less a correction and more a tip for anyone who read that post: You can re-access the tutorial at any time by going back to Selva Oscura, the game's prologue chapter, under the same menu where you access the Cantos. I recommend everyone do this anyways because you can collect some Lunacy just for visiting the map.

Next bit, I actually half-agree with. Yes, Limbus Company has a stubborn and poorly-explained learning curve, and it is less immediately intuitive than Library of Ruina. It is, however, also an intrinsically less complicated game than Library of Ruina. Having a base understanding of "when my side's numbers are higher, I win more often" will be learned quickly, and the fight against Ebony Queen's Apple will tell you the rest you need to know (since I believe this to be the game's only halfway decent tutorial). However, I will also point out that the intuitiveness is the only part of the previous two game's learning experiences that were actually good: LC and LoR also had pretty fuckin' bad tutorials.

From a casual perspective, the ins and outs of exactly how clash values are calculated are wholly unnecessary, but the basics are pretty plainly laid out, I find. It gives you a big number that will always be the starting number, a smaller number with a plus sign, and 1~5 little symbols that the game calls coins next to those. I feel like most people pretty easily grasp that when the coins flip heads, signified by the glow, they add their value to the big number. Even if this isn't understood by the player immediately as that, it becomes more obvious once you get to, again, Ebony Queen. I'll admit, this is more subjective, but it still stuck out as something people tend to grasp pretty quickly, especially former Ruina players.

aha okay yeah that's fair. the game does not, in fact, inform you how to upgrade your units.

However! It does not take two cantos to unlock Luxcavations. Now I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you dropped the game before that update, but a few weeks after launch they removed thread and exp from the Mirror Dungeons and added grindable micro-stages for them instead. EXP Lux is unlocked I believe around stage 1-10, an upgraded version around 2-18 (?), and Thread Lux after clearing Canto 2, where you also unlock Mirror Dungeons, which is where you get Lunacy and BP Exp. So, while that may have very briefly been true, this has been cleared up and fixed!

Defense skills are probably the only truly well-explained thing in the Prologue tutorial, so I'm sorry to say that this one was purely a personal issue on your part. While the circumstances of their use are not made immediately clear, that's less an issue of the explanation and more an issue of the game's balance, a discussion to be had that is far outside the scope of this post.

Nitpick among nitpicks, dungeons do not have a different combat system! Normal battles still occur within them, and starting in Canto 4 the Focus Battle system (reminiscent of Ruina's battle system) will also occur on overworld stages on occasion! Just a matter of "not quite as cut and dry as immediately laid out"

Ah, the classic victim of the tutorial and it's vague misrepresentation of the purpose of Resonance. This will have multiple parts, so starting off with the most understandable misunderstanding: Resonance does not, in fact, increase the damage you deal. Weird, right? It increases the Offense Level of skills in the chain, which is a small but extremely important distinction, since Offense Level can also affect Clash Power. Is this ever explained? Fuck no. Not your fault, just a bad tutorialization moment again.

While this is not made immediately obvious to the player, Sin does carry more weight to the battle system than you may think! First and foremost, adding a second layer of resistance really highlights how powerful the game's multiplicative damage scaling can really be, and allows some units to still be useful even if their primary damage type is resisted by the enemies.

It's not just that, though! Even on release, the sins did sort of have their own little niches like you described in your post, but you didn't quite make it far enough or get a large enough roster to really notice the patterns. The most obvious example of this is the difference between Envy (purple) and Gluttony (green). Envy is basically the plain and simple damage color, associated with multiple "nuke" skills, as well as being the primary color for Charge, which is Damage: The Archetype. Gluttony, on the other hand, lacks "nukes" altogether and is often used as a technical, status and self-healing type Sin, and also has a fair bit of Paralyze for some reason? Regardless, there's identity with each Sin, which I think is cool!

There is, because Limbus sort of fails at gacha-ing, still an odd sense of progression in Limbus! Not only are the LCB Sinners automatically upgraded as you finish the initial batch of Cantos, but the feeling of getting bigger, better, stronger options comes from not only expanding your roster, but the feeling of more complex teambuilding and additional gameplay mechanics through gameplay-story integration. Eventually we even get new story-locked toys to play with! There's also the micro-progression in Dungeons (including Mirror Dungeons, arguably especially so) but even on a grander scale, there is a nice sense of it. Less so than Ruina, of course, no denying that, but they go out of their way to make it still feel good to play through.

I will not be touching upon the story comment because you already included that edit. Yes, anon is right, it does give you the tools you need to understand what is present.

Some more subjective things, but I tried to tackle them in as objective a manner as possible. But as we are all experiencing art here, there will inevitably be these subjective matters to discuss! Many of these things weren't your fault either as they were added later in updates to the game, but such things are to be expected in live service titles.

To circle back to the original point, sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder if what you're saying will hold water, and if you happen to know enough to speak at length. I'm sorry you had a negative experience with the game to start, and I am morally obligated to not recommend gachas to people in general if they don't wish to play them, so I'll not be asking for your return. I just like clearing things up!

I hope this was informative, and I thank you for reading!

[msfbgraves]

Anon just discovered your blog, and I completely agree with you that Cobra Kai tears down everything the 1984 Karate Kid stood for.

But the problem is, to some extent, this is what fandom culture has always done. Fandom was created, in the first place, to tear down the values of older generations in hopes that newer and hopefully kinder values would replace them. Star Trek, the first fandom, was a potshot at older generations' values, promoting its own vision of a utopian society.

Even the original Karate Kid tore down the values of mainstream American society so that an "underdog" like Daniel LaRusso could win.

The problem is, now fandom is tearing down OUR values as we once tore down the values of older generations. Cobra Kai is doing the same thing to us that Karate Kid did to previous generations: it's tearing down everything we stand for, in hopes that their own values will replace us.

I love the original Karate Kid movie trilogy as much as you do, and I share your frustration with the Cobra Kai series. But unfortunately, while the "opinions" of fandom have changed, its basic nature has not.

That's why protesting against fandom never changes anything: because to some degree, fandom is acting the same as it always has. It's just that now we're on the other end of this behavior, when it used to be done in our favor.

Would that this were fandom, Nonnie. It would be easy to ignore, agree to disagree, move on. If I got myself in a twist over every fandom take I disagree with, I would welcome your cautioning me, really. But I feel that this situation is different for several reasons:

Trek, as far as I'm aware (not very), was an original work. To which I say, have at it. Whatever your beliefs, go write them down, I'm very free not to engage with it. And I don't mind if an original work is a very thinly veiled spinoff. If they'd have written The Kung Fu Kid with evil Miyagi and a character named Johnny Lawless who defeats insufferable Daniel Nero with the power of Real Manhood, good luck to them. This happens all the time. Doesn't stop my enjoyment in any way. Rick &Morty is Back to the Future fic, and indeed its point is that Back to the Future needs revision perhaps? Or not. Wasn't really for me. But it's not officially a continuation, so no harm done. I don't have to re-evaluate those films because Rick&Morty exists, it doesn't affect the franchise, not officially.

Cobra Kai on the other hand very strongly suggests that it's canon. And if you want to piggyback on a built-in audience, the message of the original, the events shown in the original, you're not free to ignore. Again, it's not even a remake! And then to presume you can retroactively change the message of a classic because you don't agree with it is audience betrayal. What inbuilt audience would agree to sit down to a series that said: you know that piece of media you love? Well you're wrong. It is SHIT. And I am going to show you why, if I have to change the original story to make that point. No, they've actively misled the audience. And that hurts people. Mark Hamill was pissed at how they've ruined Luke Skywalker in Star Wars VIII. Because that's not fandom, that's forcing your own reading on something that isn't yours. I agree that fandom does this, too, but that is by consent of those engaging with it. This series may be born of fandom, but it's a hijacking, a sactioning of a viewpoint that undermines a bond between film and audience. And now the viewpoint: you're all suckers and your comfort character is a criminal is officially part of the story. It's simply not right.

Thirdly, these values aren't new. They're conservative for the 1970's. This is backlash. True, history isn't linear, and backlash is part of life. But I disagree with the notion that there is anything innovative in the viewpoint that violence is a good idea, adult women only exist to support men,there has to be a strict gender binary in sports, only conventionally attractive women should be on the show and full body shots of young women lounging in the sun, with no narrative context, is somehow not exploitative. And before anyone asks, I don't mind watching Jacob Betrand and Tanner Buchanan with their shirts off, but that is as objectifying and cheap. "Look! We're exploiting boys, too", doesn't feel like progress.

And I know I'm simply yelling at clouds here, with no use other than that it makes me feel better. That's why I'm tagging most of this only with ck negativity, so that anyone who doesn't want to look at it can block the tag and continue life unbothered by my ranting. I don't want to spoil people's fandom fun in the cobra kai tag.

[burnwater13]

Hello? 

Hello!

Grogu here. I know I don’t usually do this. I don’t usually talk to you directly. I mostly tell you stories about how I think things went, how I wish things went, and how I think some things may go, some day in the nebulous future. 

I pretend that I can’t speak Gal Basic, although my reading level is pretty darn high and my vocabulary is pretty vast. I’m not sure how many of you have noticed that, but I thought I should confess to it, just in case you thought my scribe added all those embellishments. She doesn’t. I do. 

I also pretend that I’m in a galaxy far, far way. With my dad. The Mandalorian. You know the one. Din Djarin. The ‘The’ himself. But if I’m here with you, in your Milky Way galaxy, how could he be with me? I famously come from a species of critter that lives a very long time, so maybe, just maybe, it makes a tiny bit of sense that I’m here… but Din Djarin? He’s a human. How could he make the trip? In a word, he couldn’t. That’s a couple of words I know, but bear with me. 

One word. Wormhole. I know I’ve mentioned this before and I’m not an astrophysicist. I just read what they write. Ponder it for a while and then say, ‘Wow, those folks are pretty smart and good at maths’. I take them at face value and if they say the solution to inter-galactic travel is wormholes, then that’s how I did it and brought my dad with me. Easy peasy. 

Any way, why I’m here, talking directly to you today, is I’m a little tired of telling you the same story over and over and over again. Why, just this month alone, I’ve told you eight different stories that mention Ahsoka Tano. That’s a lot of stories about a person I knew for not that long a period of time. For example, I spent a lot more time with Peli Motto, IG-11, Kuiil, and Ian, but Ahsoka is the one who shows up in the photos, time after time. 

Now, Ian famously doesn’t like to have his photo taken. I’m never surprised that he’s managed to avoid being in the stack I use to tell these stories. He’s crafty that way. And he manages to find his way into a lot of stories even if I don’t have a photo to remind me because he just meant that much to me. I hope telling you about him has made him special to you as well. 

A few people have mentioned to me that all these great photos of Ahsoka may have been timed to support the release of her show. I hadn’t thought of that. I just thought that since the Empire had fallen and Vader was gone (actually, really gone, unlike that other guy), she had become a little more carefree and happy. While that may be true, it doesn’t really come across in today’s photo. Nope. Not at all. She’s being all fierce and kind of angry or resolute or annoyed. I’m not really all that good at reading Togruta facial expressions. Maybe she’d just stepped on a rock?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t really set up this stack of photos that I use as prompts to tell the stories. That was done by someone else and all I can say is I hope they get better at it. I mean, you don’t just watch the same episode of my show everyday, do you? Of course not. You watched it once, or twice and then went on to watching something else. Hopefully Ahsoka’s show. Or the one about my old master, Obi-Wan. Or even that one that Diego stars in. Now that’s a great show. I’ve actually re-watched that one a couple of times. 

Which ever way it goes, I just wanted to take this moment to let you know that for the rest of the year there’s unlikely to be eight or nine stories about Ahsoka. Or Morgan Elsbeth for that matter. Wow, I think I only spent about ten minutes in her dark presence and it really left a mark. Ouch. 

Um, ahh… so just bear with me. I’ll do my best to make the rest of the stories, stories, for one thing, and funny, or thought provoking, or just pleasant… you know, like your first cup of caf in the morning. I’m joking about that. Din Djarin doesn’t let me drink caf. I just managed to finish a little bit of his this morning when he got distracted because R5 dropped a dish he was washing and it broke and got everywhere. Don’t worry. I didn’t get hurt. The Mandalorian didn’t get hurt. And R5 is just fine. He’s gluing that plate back together as I speak. 

Oops! Gotta go. Dad just noticed that his cup is empty. Dank Farrik! May the Force be with you. This is the Way. And have a nice day. I have spoken. 

[rollercoasterwords]

ok look i have a lot of thoughts abt the way i see lesbians discussed in the marauders fandom BUT for tonight the thoughts that have been toppling like dominoes in my head are mostly centered around this idea of "representation" bc like. ok. scrolling back up here and putting a cut halfway through writing this bc it got long (of course. once again. i need to just accept that i am incapable of being concise at this point).

so i talked abt this a while back somewhere on my silly little tumblr blog and i'm gonna refrain from getting too deep into it rn but just generally just like overall i've noticed this like...specific tone in which people discuss wlw marauders fanfic as though writing about lesbian couples (as opposed to writing about gay couples) holds some sort of like...inherent moral worth? like people will say "ugh we need more lesbian fanfic!!" and like shout about how there is so little wlw fic because of sexism as though tweeting repeatedly about how you just wish there were more good lesbian fics but the only good fics out there are about men because of sexism is like...activism. which. ok. already talked about it NOT getting into it tonight just. the point i'm trying to make here is that i see this general attitude in the marauders fandom where people act like writing lesbian fanfiction is Inherently Morally Superior.

and like. usually when i see those takes i just kinda roll my eyes and move on, because like...i know the people spreading that rhetoric are well-intentioned, and at the end of the day it's fanfiction, it's not that serious, etc. etc. BUT i have sort of...started to notice that attitude bleeding over into some of the responses i've gotten to my writing, mainly from people who say stuff along the lines of, "thank you so much for providing lesbian/sapphic/wlw representation". and those responses have always sort of made me pause and scrunch my nose and go huh. like...you're....welcome? i guess?

and i wanna clarify here--i'm not, like, upset about people saying that to me, and in fact i'm grateful for the kind words, because i understand that the intention behind them is to say "your writing connected with me; i saw pieces of my own experience in your writing; thank you for sharing something that resonated with me in that way." y'know?

but representation. i'm stuck on the word "representation." and it always makes me pause because it's just like. i'm not netflix? y'know? like i didn't write my stories to...represent anyone? i'm just. a lesbian. writing about lesbians. and sometimes not writing about lesbians. y'know?

and the thing that clicked for me tonight about why i think this kind of response throws me off a little is that it's centering an audience. like...i kind of think that conversations about representation are inherently tied to a consumer economy, because they operate on the assumption that the art you're engaging with has been created for an audience--an audience that wants to see themselves in it, meaning there are standards for representation that you should expect and critique. and i think any time the purpose of art starts to orbit around an audience, it starts to sort of...become a product.

and that throws me off! because i'm not writing fanfiction for an audience. i'm not writing it for anyone, really, except myself. in fact, if i find myself thinking too much about my ~readers~, i purposely take a step back and force myself to re-evaluate what i'm writing and why i'm writing it. because for me, the value in writing fanfiction comes from just the simple joy of creating a story that i want to create, and then being able to read that story back to myself. and i only ever started posting on ao3 because i figured "might as well, maybe someone else'll get a kick out of this." and while i value the community that i've found through sharing my writing, that doesn't mean that i want an audience. i've talked about the difference between those two things a lot on this blog, so hopefully u guys get what i mean by that if you've been hanging around my blog for a minute.

anyway, i honestly think this is just like...a perfect example of the insidious ways in which fanfiction getting sucked further and further into a consumer economy alters the ways we engage with it, without even realizing. because like i said, i understand the intention behind the words "thank you for providing representation"--the intention is to say "i connected with this; thank you for sharing something where i could see myself." but if we're growing more and more used to only engaging with media and art through the framework of creator/audience, then we miss out on emphasizing that connection, and instead we end up thanking each other in a way that feels almost transactional, as though we've been provided a service. like...yeah. i've connected the dots. i think that's it.

anyway at the end of the day it's just like...it doesn't really make sense to me to act as though there is some moral obligation or necessity to call for specific types of representations in fanfiction. if there's a story you want to write, you can write it. that's what fanfiction is. but i think a lot of this rhetoric that sort of moralizes the act of Writing About Lesbians runs the risk of insidiously tying fanfiction into a consumer economy, simply because it's engaging with fanfiction as though it's like...content or a product, y'know? and that makes me wary. so. yeah. that's one of the things i've been Pondering tonight i suppose!

[bluedalahorse]

This post by @oneofthosebells about Wilmon with kids has me thinking about kidfic in fandom, and really just the way fiction writes about parent-child relationships in general. I’m going to write about my thoughts here instead of in a reblog so I don’t derail. On one end of the spectrum you can write about your OTP having kids in a cute fluffy domestic way. And on the other end of the spectrum, well, the act of parenting, or even being an adult in a kid’s life, isn’t always easy. It tends to make you confront aspects of yourself and your values and your childhood, and seems to bring up the opportunity for a lot of interesting introspection and drama.

As someone who works with kids (mostly young teenagers) daily, I don’t tend to seek out the cute, fluffy domestic kidfic as much. (If people do want to read that, I’m 100% in favor of them doing that! Read what brings you joy!) On the other hand, I’m personally more interested in the second variety I described with opportunities for introspection and drama and personal revelations. (But, you know, hopefully some humor mixed in as well, because kids can be hilarious?) It’s interesting to me how when we as fans say “kidfic” it’s mostly the fluffy domestic variety that comes to mind. Fandom shorthand exists for a reason, but it often obscures the fun little twists and nuances we work into our writing.

In Heart and Homeland, @heliza24 and I have introduced child characters who are just starting to play a role in our story now. When we were dreaming the story up, we got very interested in the way each of the main five character’s arcs had them thinking about the kind of world they would create for the next generation, and what they would need to do to break away from cycles of generational trauma. For the chapters that are coming up on the horizon we’re going to be leaning on these themes even more—but the choice to not have children is part of that too, for certain characters like Felice. And of course we’ll be poking holes in the ideal of the cishet nuclear family (is it even a good day if you haven’t done that?) and doing our best to re-envision what family and community mean.

I don’t know quite where I’m going with this except that I think like. Idk you can probably sell me on any story (whether the characters are childfree or happy parents) if the author is gleefully willing to dig into the psychology of it all.

[jcmarchi]

Update: Sony Pulls Down Heavily Misquoted Neil Druckmann Interview And Apologizes For 'Significant Errors And Inaccuracies'

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/update-sony-pulls-down-heavily-misquoted-neil-druckmann-interview-and-apologizes-for-significant-errors-and-inaccuracies/

Update: Sony Pulls Down Heavily Misquoted Neil Druckmann Interview And Apologizes For 'Significant Errors And Inaccuracies'

Earlier this month, Sony shared an interview it performed with Last of Us co-creator and Naughty Dog studio head Neil Druckmann. In it, Druckmann was quoted as saying Naughty Dog’s next game “could redefine mainstream perceptions of gaming.” After the interview, Druckmann took to social media to clarify what he said and pointed out that he was misquoted.

In editing my rambling answers in my recent interview with SONY, some of my words, context, and intent were unfortunately lost. Well, here’s the full long rambling answer for the final question about our future game… pic.twitter.com/tVuxX3LYJF

— Neil Druckmann (@Neil_Druckmann) May 25, 2024

In his actual response, Druckmann said little about Naughty Dog’s next game beyond, “It’s maybe the most excited I’ve been for a project yet.” He never made the statement that it could redefine the mainsteam perceptions of gaming. Instead, he spoke about the broad perception of gaming and how it seems to be changing thanks in part to the success of TV and movie adaptions like Fallout on Amazon, which he complimented. He also wrote that one of the reasons he worked hard on HBO’s The Last of Us adaptation was he hoped non-gamers would find the show and lead them to hopefully explore the medium of video games if they hadn’t before.

In response to Druckmann’s post sharing his original statement, the page hosting the interview has been changed. The interview is no longer online and now features a statement reading, “In re-reviewing our recent interview with Naughty Dog’s Neil Druckmann, we have found several significant errors and inaccuracies that don’t represent his perspective and values (including topics such as animation, writing, technology, AI, and future projects). We apologize to Neil for misrepresenting his words and for any negative impact this interview might have caused him and his team. In coordination with Naughty Dog and SIE, we have removed the interview.”

Original story published May 23, 2024:

In an interview with his parent company on Sony.com, Last of Us co-creator Neil Druckmann talks about AI and briefly teases Naughty Dog’s next game. Druckmann is expectedly vague about Naughty Dog’s next big project but offers an enticing tease, saying, “I’m eager to see how this new game resonates, especially following the success of The Last of Us, as it could redefine mainstream perceptions of gaming.”

The interview, however, primarily focuses on technology and how it improves and makes it easier for creators to tell unique stories. Regarding AI, Druckmann says, “AI is really going to revolutionize how content is being created, although it does bring up some ethical issues we need to address. With technologies like AI and the ability to do motion capture right from home, we’re reducing both costs and technical hurdles, opening the door for us to take on more adventurous projects and push the boundaries of storytelling in games.”

He also briefly touches on the future of The Last of Us TV show, citing that modern technology has allowed him to oversee the TV show’s second season remotely from Los Angeles while it shoots in Canada.

You can read the full interview here. You can also read more about what is happening with the TV show’s second season, including casting details, here.

[marin3llyells]

Unto the first days of a new year; 2024.

Spent a whole day with the family at Indang, Cavite wherein the place was not crowded as if we got it for ourselves. I honestly loved the idea that we only planned to go out but without specific plans on what activities to do or even having a specific place to go to. I even got to realized that I was no good at navigating google maps as we have missed turns since I was not able to direct which turns to take, during that time I was always late to say it out loud and the google map needs to re-route multiple times.

Still we ended up to a place wherein it actually fits our preference of being able to avoid heavy traffic and crowded place. It was so peaceful.

Peaceful— I meant, good food, time well spent away from all our usual routine and errands such as school works for my siblings and work for my parents and I. We were also able to enjoy our own "thing" such as painting and journaling for myself. Took lovely photos as well! And best part was, got to play monoply as initiated by our bunso, Bing. 🤍 (she won btw!)

Our January first was really a good recharge as I was also able to return to work with a fresh start. I was able to perform sessions with my students as if di ko ramdam yung pagod. My heart was definitely happy. This continued for few more days after.

One thing I also appreciate was receiving a gift from my brother. We've been talking about dressing up, improving outfit styles lately, and yep, I was taught to going back to basics. I've been receiving jeans from him which definitely was a step forward for me in embracing other styles than my usual fitted jeans and a shirt.

Sagot niya one basic top from a brand I would've never buy from as a kuripot sa sarili, or probably it was still something I'm working on for myself. This time tho, I bought 2 more shirts that time alone. Thanks to my brother for encouraging. I love being reminded unconsiously to do better on treating myself other than buying myself coffee most of the time. It actually motivated me in gaining more self confidence, lalo nung nakikita ko sarili ko sa isang malaking mirror during fitting. Sakto pang may new body mirror ako since mama and dad tried to save a mirror from a vintage cabinet na inaanay, sakin na lang raw. Siempre yes na yes agad! Placed it in my room and took photos as I pair the shirts I bought with another short I got on a thrift shop with my brother few months back. Reading a message (as feedback lol) "bagay nga" was a big yey moment for me, lalo di ako usually nagsusuot ng ganung klaseng outfit dati.

Anyways...

I'm really looking forward that this year will motivate me to do more, be encouraged to better on both small and big things. Lalo na hearing mama saying, "24 ka na". It was definitely a reminder that I have to face adult life. (Scary, tbh!!!)

By the next few days; even months, I know I'm still preparing for more attempts on improvements and embracing challenges. Yes, I'm still scared, but as one of my aunties say, "It has to be done".

Good thing I found new bunch of people that could potentially be part of venturing a new journey. Sana nga nakaka-motivate rin ako para sa ibang taong nakakasalamuha ko.

For now, I'll yell for motivating myself and shoo away my negative thoughts.

Ewan ko, siguro tama rin namang mapagod sa pagiging takot na mag-stay sa comfort zone at failures na nangyari. Surely, it's happening to simply see how far we'll get.

I'm happy to share that fear is what could remind as that there are some things we still value, which potentially will help us to do better. Kaya takot, kasi may halaga at gusto kasi talaga natin mga bagay na yun.

I'll definitely get back to this, hopefully, in a way that I'm already done with just dwelling with the past and already celebrating what "attempts" of doing better has good results already. Yung masasabing may bunga na lahat, klaro na kung bakit nangyayari mga di inaasahan.

Cheers to our attempts for the past year of surviving. Let's kickstart with a fresh one—mindset ba!

[cricketrocker]

Tales of a 44th Grade Nothing from Utopia

Presuming that a 12th grader is 18, and also factoring that I’ve never spent a year of my life outside of some sort of education industry, institution, or school, and finally considering that I’m still—due to madness alone—still *IN* school—yes, here ends 2023 with some tales of a 44th-grade nothing.  Or not nothing, SOMETHING, surely, but you probably get the point, Shirley.  I don’t think anyone is named Shirley anymore, though.  If you catch my drift.

Let’s begin this drift with a description of UTOPIA.  This is not related to the “email signature�� I have set on my iPhone.  Whenever I send an email on my iPhone, the automatic signature says, “Sent from Utopia.”  I have used this signature since 2008, when I first thought it would be cute, or funny, or ironic, or SOMETHING, surely, Shirley.  Since then, and after probably hundreds or thousands of iPhone emails, not one person has ever mentioned that it was clever, funny, or ironic.  Likely eyerolls, perhaps.  Silent judgement is probably the best kind of judgement.  But leave me to my wry self-perception of cleverness—it’s HILARIOUS to think that I’d send you or anyone an email message from UTOPIA, right?  As if.

If from anywhere, I’m probably sending emails out from either SMU’s Perkins Administration Building 320C, or I’m sending them from my recliner close to J.J. Pearce High School.  Emails from those two places (because they are written from my laptop) typically feature the full professional email signature, the one which will soon, hopefully depict my predilection for being called “Dr.” for at least a few weeks.  What’s left to achieve at that point?  After writing the longest freaking paper of my life?  Probably getting back into shape, or scheduling a colonoscopy, I guess.  Yep.  Since I’ve already joined AARP.  Just whiling away the days sending messages from UTOPIA.  Me and my ideal planet—where there is a perfect socio-politico-legal system—and where everything works harmoniously and all the inhabitants are warmly sarcastic, well-meaning, and respect introverts and individualized learning over group projects.  Sure.  Everyone loves their utopian self.  For the sake of this tirade, we’ll refer to this as the Babe: The Movie self, okay? 

Hopefully you’ll remember what UTOPIA looks like:

This movie was minted in 1995, the same year I was minted into the world after 4 undergraduate years at Baylor University.  That video takes you through an idyllic morning at the farm.  I may or may night have shed a tear or two as Babe rose to power as the Hogget farm’s lead sheepdog, but remember the lesson that vicious stereotypes such as the belief that pigs and sheep are stupid, are not true.  What a great film for all ages, what important lessons about friendship, perseverance, agrarian self-sufficiency, and the benefits of being a nice person!  Hope for the future!  That’ll do pig!  A postcard from the edge of UTOPIA!

By 1998, however, I’d spent a couple of years trying to find a high-paying job with my double-major BA in English and history and while I was then still committed to the world-changing value of re-reading and re-analyzing The Wasteland every year, I found myself in year two of my three-year high school teacher career.  In year two I taught 6 classes of English I to 9th graders.  My classes were maxed out at 30 students each, so there I was teaching 180 13 and 14 year olds about how life was an epic journey, thanks Homer & Odyssey.  Then teaching them that even if you’re blind and deaf you can still learn and grow up to be a great socialist leader—thanks Helen & Miracle Worker.  And then, by the time of the year that I’d lost all hope, teaching them Romeo & Juliet despite Shakespeare’s words, through Shakespeare’s words and incredible iambic—and holy moly—THEY reminded me that the themes of love and loss and tragedy and destiny totally transcend—well, everything.  I guess there was always, at least in my three years there, that moment where the teacher becomes the student and the students become the teachers, thus closing the electric loop.  That’ll do, piglets, says the farmer.  Or that’ll do farmer, says the piglets.  I hope they all turned out okay and didn’t get eaten for breakfast.  Who can say?  Because I was good at helping people—especially teachers—with technology, I was hired up to do that instead by the local university and 24 years later, I’m sending messages from UTOPIA.  Get it? 

Yesterday I asked my 18-year-old boy, son, young-man, good-guy, superhero, what books he remembers reading throughout high school.  I remember seeing no books—ever—throughout his high school journey so far.  Did he read The Odyssey?  Never heard of it.  Miracle Worker?  What did Helen Keller’s parents do to punish her?  Nope.  Romeo & Juliet? But here a flicker!  What light through teenage memory breaks?  It is the East, and I guess they somehow read it on their Chromebook.  Did they watch the Zeffirelli version in class?  (yeah—including the moment)  Did they then watch the Claire /Leonardo version and determine collectively that it—despite being all modern wonky—was not that great?  Nope.  He remembered that they died.  But only because I asked, “Do you remember that they died?”  He nodded.  I blame the system.  Or Chromebooks.  Or the Internet.

One of those 1998 single-guy apartment nights, however, I saw a movie preview for the SEQUEL to Babe: The Movie.  Behold, coming soon: Babe: Pig in the City:

Naturally I went to see it on opening night.  I’m not sure if you’ve seen it.  If you’ve seen it, you can forego the clips below.  If you haven’t seen it, I do not recommend it unless you’re really into the opposite of UTOPIA which is the slap in the face of DYSTOPIA.  Here are some samples:

The “IF ONLY…” sequence:

The “POOR MRS. HOGGETT” compilation:

Babe Saves a Mean Dog but for what:

Finally, the “Are you lonesome tonight?” blurb:

You can go ahead and watch the movie if you’re into that kind of thing, but chances are you haven’t watched even those YouTube links above.  Suffice to say, as the credits rolled in 1998, I’m pretty sure there was a tear or two, but whereas the first tears in 1995 had been spawned by an innate internalization of UTOPIA—the joke was on me, a movie-goer, that some film studio had produced not the UTOPIAN SEQUAL I’d expected—but rather the entire cancelation whatever I’d remembered and I’d hoped for—with the blunt force trauma of DYSTOPIA for the pig.  The same whimsy that spawned Babe’s utopia simply gave birth to dystopia, the other side of the same coin.  Stop rolling your eyes.

What I’m saying is that there’s a danger to whimsy.  While I’m drawn to that which is quaint, playful, and unexpected—to that which provides delight and stirs creativity; I’ve been blind to whimsy’s dangers and downsides, particularly when not balanced or grounded in responsibility or reality.  Some things make sense on the farm.  Some things fall apart in the city.  Loss of seriousness is all well and good except when it is not.  Impracticality is wonderful but is also costly.  Escapism—good lord—is my favorite, in practice or imagined—though again, at what cost or consequence?  Isolation—perhaps introversion and whimsy go hand in hand—if a whimsical nature is not shared or understood by others—how isolated do we become even amid others?  Unpredictability and spontaneity—wonderful!  But unreliable, inconsistent, good lord.  I did not begin here to reflect upon the danger of whimsy—and while I critique the dangers of that drug—it’s not like I’m going to give it up; I am who I am.  A 44th grader.

Spoiler alert here—Babe saves the farm in Pig in the City.  The farmer, though probably due to brain damage, declares “That’ll Do, Pig” all over again, and UTOPIA is restored, sadder and wiser, or maybe that’s the point, UTOPIA is restored for everyone except Babe—who’s had to function in the City—and somehow try to come home again.  Maybe it’s more about wondering if anyone reads Thomas Wolfe anymore.  “You Can’t Go Home Again”?  Probably not.  I guess we’re changed by our experiences and gain new perspectives.  We can’t go back to the farm, it’s impossible to return to the simplicity or the innocence of the past before we read Miracle Worker or Romeo & Juliet.  Or Babe: Utopia or the sequel Babe: Dystopia.  Thomas Wolfe reminded us that we cannot go home again, that the feeling of displacement and nostalgia we feel when we try is normal, but that we’re just continuing our educations one grade at a time, grappling with the farm, the city, the idea of home, and the relentless progression of time.  WTF.  Rearrange the furniture.

[ajwinter-is-a-nerd]

Le Chat et Le Serpent - Chapter 9

Please note that the entirety of this story is a ****TRIGGER WARNING***** - mentions of child abuse, graphic violence, alcohol use, mental health, suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm - basically a constant blow of pain towards the characters - as well as some "steamier" moments.

Chapter Summary:

Everyone starts to come together for Adrien's birthday, Felix's present is an Akuma attack.***CHANGE TO ORIGINAL PLOT*** I changed the Adrien's first birthday after his mothers death to be 15. Why? Because it seems like they're all in high school and it makes more sense to me that way.

Chapter 9: Let the Celebrations Begin!

Transformation

“That is amazing Nathalie!” Gabriel gushed over the superhero theme her and Emelie had chosen for Adrien’s sixth birthday. 

Bashfully smiling, Nathalie pulled out the list of proposed gifts. Gabriel ran his finger down the sheet, stopping at a pair of rollerblades. He uncontrollably shuttered at the reminder of Adrien’s bicycle accident. “Maybe not these.” 

“We’ll make sure he has a helmet too, Gabriel. He has been really excited about picking up another sport!” Nathalie had not intended to defy him, but rage spiked through Gabriel. 

“Owning a helmet didn’t help him last time. He will find a different sport.” The joy had dissipated from his voice. 

“I know you want to keep him safe Gabriel, but remember, he’s still a child. Getting hurt is part of growing up.” She tried to reason with him. 

“It is out of the question, Nathalie.” He spit as he accentuated her name. “Everything else is fine. Just drop the rollerblades.” 

Gabriel spun his ring as he returned to his designs. For a sweet moment, the memory of Adrien’s concaved head evaporated from his mind.

-

“Gabriel, can you please confirm the reservation for Adrien’s birthday at Le Grand Paris ?” Nathalie stood in the doorway of Gabriel’s office, waiting for him to beckon her in from behind his electronic easel.  

“Was this Emelie’s idea?” Gabriel’s eyebrows raised, but his gaze did not. 

“We worked on it together, all of the catering and decorations have already been planned.” Nathalie responded with a nod. 

“He’s turning 14, he should be focusing on career advancement over silly parties.” 

“I understand sir, but with Emelie’s health, we don’t know if she’ll be able to have another birthday with him.” Nathalie barely whispered. 

“Then the three of you do something in the house. There’s no reason he needs an extravagant party.” 

“Yes, sir. Would you like to review the gifts?” She held up the printed list hopefully. 

“Don’t spoil the boy.” He gruffly responded. 

“We will be mindful of that. Would you like a gift labelled from yourself?” 

“The same as the last two years. We just received a new order of pens. They're high-caliber quality, valued at 100 euros. It’s a respectable gift for a young man.” 

Sighing in defeat, Nathalie nodded as she exited his office. 

Shifting Tides

Adrien appreciated the effort that Nathalie had put into his birthday, but it seemed odd considering it had happened three months ago. Plus, he cherished the birthday his friends threw for him in the hospital; it was more than he ever needed, loving friends and chocolate cheesecake. 

Scanning the room, Adrien could see that Chloe's fingerprints were all over the meticulous arrangement. Anything this perfect, and this yellow, had to be Chloe. 

It wasn’t long until, seemingly, every citizen of Paris began to flow in. The overall excitement regarding his return inundated him. Everyone wanted to know every detail of his life. 

Are you going back to modelling? What’s happening with the company? How did your dad kill himself? Was it in this house? He was drowning in a whirlpool of his father’s suicide and his own daunting uncertainty for the future. 

Seeing Nino, Alya, and Marinette helped Adrien pull his head above water. Finally, friends who actually recognized that he was not just a photo on a billboard, but an actual human being.

Marinette smoothed out the wrapping paper along her gift for Adrien as she entered the door. The room was already teeming with people. Adrien was in the midst of a conversation with a guest. Even the crinkling of his brows was angelic. 

Within a second, the guilt she held as Ladybug dissipated. From Akuma to butterfly, she began to fret about the quality of her gift. 

Alya, noting Marinette’s panic, squeezed her shoulder. “You already gave him an awesome present, this is just a bonus!” 

“You’re right, of course you're right! I’m just going to put it with the others!” She fled towards the gift table; running to escape Alya’s lingering leer.

The tower of gifts was all but reassuring. Panicking, she threw her meticulously wrapped present to the pile. Her nervous glitch held more power than she anticipated, setting off a mini avalanche. As she stretched out her limbs to catch the gifts, a hand of perfection caught one that missed her wrist. 

“Hey, Marinette.” Adrien warmly held out one hand to Marinette as he returned the gift he had caught onto the table with his other. 

“Oh, hi! Uh- thank-me. No! I mean you thank! Ugh!” She stomped her feet at her inability to speak. 

“I’m glad you're here.” He generously saved her stumbling words. 

“How are you doing?” She let out a relieved sigh. 

“This party is great!” He deflected. 

“I’m sorry about your Dad.” Adrien tried not to roll his eyes, she was the 70th person to say this line to her tonight. But he reminded himself that she was saying it out of care, not of requirement. 

Mustering the most polite response he could, he curtly responded, “Yeah. Not the greatest news.” Though short, it was still a far nicer response than the last five had received. 

“What happened?” Marinette blurted out, immediately regretting her words. 

“He shot himself in the head, thanks for asking,” Adrien said dryly. His indignation was broken as he spotted blue hair amongst the crowd. “Excuse me.”

Marinette shamefully paced to Alya. 

“Hey handsome,” Luka grinned at Adrien as he squeezed through the flock. Adrien instinctively put his hand toward his temple, feeling an uncomfortable pull. 

“Hey,” he muttered as he rubbed his head. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.” The burnout that plagued Adrien saturated through his face and choice of words. 

Adrien missed Luka’s blush. He was too distracted by the trio behind Luka. 

Marinette huffed and grumbled about her word vomit all the way to Alya. “I’m so stupid.” Her head fell on Alya’s shoulder. 

“No girl! What happened?” Alya put an arm around Marinette. 

Breaking a distance, Marinette concentrated on her feet. “I, uh, I asked him how his dad died.” 

Nino choked on a shrimp. As Alya began slapping his back, her fox tail necklace struck her chest. After the piece of shrimp flew towards the floor, Alya reverted her attention to Marinette. 

“See,” Marinette motioned to Nino, “he knows I’m an idiot.” She buried her face into her hands. 

“Well… maybe just a little.” Alya chuckled as she pulled Marinette back in for a hug. 

Luka stood in silence once he realised that his words were being lost in the crowd; Adrien was too occupied staring beyond him. 

“Hello?” Luka tilted his head. Adrien’s melancholy piano had a violent violin playing over it. It wasn’t the same as the erratic violin from the hospital, but a slicing, precise, impassioned melody. 

Adrien grit his teeth as he watched Alya’s fox Miraculous swaying. “They’re back? And no one fucking told me?” 

Luka turned to Alya, seeing the necklace that was causing Adrien’s fists to clench. “Have you spoken to Ladybug since you got back?” 

“Not since I’ve been out.” Adrien’s rage began to be replaced with panic.“And now everyone is moving forward without me. She can’t trust me.” His chest started to indicate preliminary hyperventilation. 

“Hey,” Luka tried to put his arm out to Adrien to help  him calm down. Adrien flinched him away, his head viciously beating as he did. Luka could see Adrien rapidly spiralling. “Hey, I haven’t seen your new car yet.” He desperately wanted to get Adrien out of this crowd of people. 

Breaking from his descent, Adrien lifted a brow to Luka. “Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” 

Marinette watched as Luka and Adrien swam towards the door. How could Luka be getting closer to Adrien than she was? He was stepping in on her relationship with Chat and with Adrien… all while seemingly pulling further away from her. She desperately reached to spin the ring on her finger, only to remember Tikki had forced her to leave it at home. The last time she used it, Marinette stayed bitter for hours.  

Adrien proudly showed Luka all of the gadgets his car had, but Luka had a hard time hearing the details. He was too entranced by the Prettyboy spouting them. 

“Are you going to keep talking about it, or are you going to give me a ride?” Luka smirked.

“Well I would, if someone would buckle up!” Adrien motioned to Luka’s seatbelt. 

Laughing, Luka clicked himself in. The latch had barely resonated as Adrien threw the car into first gear. The tires skidded as they ripped out the front gates. Adrien's face turned from joy to frustration as he shifted to second, and by third Luka was concerned about what to say. 

Adrien darted through traffic, desperately trying to get them out of the city. He was tired of there always being people around him. Luka shut his eyes to avoid the thoughts of an imminent crash; but it was hard to clear his head since Adrien’s song was deafening. His melody had been replaced by screaming instruments, a cymbal smashing relentlessly at the front. 

Adrien had been able to practise driving several times over the years, but he wasn’t prepared for how the wheels slid over the loose gravel. At nearly 100 kilometres per hour, the back tires lost traction and began to spin the car. Releasing the petals, a pale-faced Adrien was once again able to point the car straight. 

“ENOUGH!” Luka yelled. His fist gripped the ‘oh shit’ handle so aggressively, the plastic nearly cracked.  

Adrien, still shaking from his loss of control, obediently pulled the car to the side. 

“What the hell was that, Adrien?” Luka’s low tone rumbled as he glared through the windshield. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I just, I needed to get out of there.” 

“I get that, but I would also like to be alive!” Luka rarely lost his calm front, but Adrien had a way of finding how to smash through it. 

“It was reckless, I should have been more careful.” Adrien resembled a lost puppy as he pouted towards Luka, whose eyes burned forward, his grip still stiff on the handle. 

“Yes, you need to find other ways to deal with your panic attacks.” Luka’s calm demeanour was beginning to return. 

“Panic attacks?” Adrien’s forehead scrunched as he looked to Luka for an answer. 

“What do you think just happened?” Luka asked exasperated. 

“I uh… I don't know… the room just starts falling in on me. I used to just transform, but I thought driving away would also work.” Humiliation trickled through Adrien. 

“That feeling,” Luka leaned in, concerned that Adrien seemingly had no idea what was afflicting him, “is a panic attack.” 

“They’ve been getting worse,” Adrien's forehead leaned against the steering wheel. “If I couldn’t transform, I could usually just breathe through it. Things were just sensitive, and I felt like my whole body was being touched, but I could make it through. After the hospital they started getting more powerful. I thought it would be fine since they only got out of control at night. But over the past few days…” Adrien pushed his head harder against the wheel. 

“Have you ever talked to someone about them?” He began to run his thumb along Adrien’s jawbone.

“I did. I told Nathalie, and my… father.” The edges of his vision immediately darkened. “They said chest pain was normal, I was just overthinking it, that I must not be eating well enough.” 

Luka scoffed. “So you kept believing that you were just not eating right? That the inability to breathe was just a dramatic reaction?” 

Still pushing his head into the wheel, Adrien nodded. 

“Oh Adrien, you are one fucked up Kitty.” 

Adrien chuckled and playfully pushed Luka, effectively altering the mood. The day had been so far from his control that his emotional spectrum had transformed to a high speed roller coaster. 

“Oh?” Luka unbuckled his seatbelt. “This is how we’re going to do it, hey?” Luka began playfully jabbing Adrien, tickling spots he hadn’t known were ticklish. 

“There’s no way you can win! I fence!” Adrien cackled as he pushed Luka further into the passenger seat. Eagerness took over Adrien as he pulled himself onto Luka’s lap, arching his back and tilting his head to avoid the roof. 

“I’ll let you win this one,” Luka’s voice returned to its serene state as he twirled Adrien’s golden hair around his fingers. 

“Maybe I’ll let you win the next one,” Adrien smirked as he leaned in closer. 

“Has anyone told you that you’re a sore winner?” 

“Has anyone told you that your eyes look like the sea after a storm?” Adrien flipped the script. 

Undoubtedly, no one had ever told Luka anything like that. His cheeks rosened at both the statement and the realisation that no one besides Adrien had ever truly looked that deeply into his eyes. Even when Marinette gazed upon them, it never felt like she was there. But Adrien was grabbing a kayak and getting happily lost within Luka’s ‘seas’.  

A familiar, but at this time rare, tone surprised Adrien, causing him to bash his head on the roof. 

“Oh fuck - well, if I didn’t have a headache before.” Adrien scurried over to the driver's seat and opened up his phone. 

“What? What’s going on?” Luka’s body chilled, suddenly devoid of Adrien’s warmth. 

A fire lit in Adrien as he turned over the ignition. “Hold on tight, we don’t want to miss the fight.” 

Luka fumbled to push his seatbelt in as the crazed driver spun the car around. Gripping on to the handle once again, he checked the news - a new Akumatized villain was stomping through the streets of Paris. 

As Adrien’s driving took, what felt like, years off of Lukas life, the Kwamis casually spoke in the back seat. 

“I thought your holder was in love with Ladybug?” Sass stated in a confused tone. 

“Eh, infatuation is pretty common with mine and Tikki’s holders.”

“I hope this does not complicate things too much.” 

“Just do your breathing thing - you’ll be fine stress case.”

“Plagg, are you not concerned for your holder's well-being?” 

“Shh, it will go right to that pretty boy's head! I just don’t care who he decides to sleep with. The romance between him and Pigtails was getting boring anyway.”

Adrien skidded into an alleyway so that he and Luka could transform. 

It was the first time Adrien had been able to transform since his hospital escape. Immediately upon his release, he was overwhelmed with contracts and retroactively completing his diploma. Even with his nightly panic attacks, he was usually hanging over the toilet before he could spout the words. Beyond a lack of time, he saw no imminent reason to meander meaninglessly with Ladybug; a decision which he now regretted. 

He forgot how free his suit felt. 

“Glad to see you got the gang back together M’Lady!” Both Ladybug and Viperion’s ears shot at the familiar tone and nickname as Chat pounced over rooftops. 

“Surprised you decided to grace us with your presence, Chat.” Ladybug Yo-Yoed around, trying to pinpoint the Akuma. 

“Have I ever missed a fight?” Chat asked with a matter of fact tone. 

“No, but that’s not the point.” Ladybug decided that the rare battles he missed prior to Papillion’s dissapearance were not ammo worth using. 

“Can you guys talk about this after? I would like to get back to the party!” Rena Rouge asked over the ear piece. 

“You guys had a whole party? And no one invited this cool cat?” Chat Noir knew they were talking about his party, but he was surprised that Rena was so bold in stating where she had been. 

“Shut-up Chat! Look, I think the Akuma is in her bracelet.” 

“On it!” Chat began flailing to grab the Akumatized citizen’s attention, but the villain took no interest in him. In fact, it didn’t seem like the villain was interested in anything besides checking out the view of Paris. 

“This is feline weird M’Lady - it just looks like it’s… walking around.”

“I agree, Kitty. Just try to cataclysm that wrist and we will see what happens. Viperion, enable your second chance just in case.” 

“Cataclysm!” Chat was shocked to see a change in his weapon. “Me-ow! Is anybody else seeing this?” 

Viperion raised his eyes to see Chat’s cataclysm floating above his hand like an orb. “That’s new.” 

“Whoa Kitty! Your powers are starting to evolve! Try to throw it at the Akumatized object!” Ladybug stated, clearly impressed. Within thirty seconds the spell had worn from the disgruntled woman, who was frustrated that her boyfriend had to work late. It was too easy. 

The superhero group assembled on a nearby roof. Chat was surprised that his ring wasn’t blinking along with Ladybug’s. She looked down at his ring confused. 

“Oh, is this because I’m eighteen now? How young are you Ladybug?” Chat raised his ears at Ladybug, who’s birthday had passed. 

“No,” Ladybug’s eyes furrowed as she pulled Chat’s hand close. “My birthday was a while ago, and mine still blinks.” 

“Maybe my ninth life is starting to kick in?” He suggested. 

“Hmm… I don’t know Kitty. But, my time is running out. Everyone go back to your thing, I need to talk with Chat. As a reminder, if you would like, you are allowed to share your identity with the other holders. But only if you’re comfortable with it! Mine and Chat’s identity, however, will still remain a secret.” 

Chat narrowed his expression towards Ladybug. That was an extremely risky move. He was irritated that, not only was he left out of the decision but, his hands were still tied in regards to his own identity. 

Once Ladybug was out of sight, Viperion whispered at Chat from behind a chimney. “Hey, do you want to meet at the car?” 

“No, Ladybug and I are gonna catch up a bit. Just go enjoy yourself, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Chat turned his back to where Viperion was standing. 

Frustrated at Chat’s detached tone, Viperion headed back towards the manor.  A cloud hung around him as he allowed his expectations for abandonment to hijack his thoughts.

I knew things would change once he started talking to Ladybug again. I knew he would never want to be with me. 

Evolution

Everyone was still hidden in their houses, leaving the roads barren. Pigeons soared through the desolate streets at Felix’s bellows of rage. He finally Akumatized someone, and he never gained adequate control; he merely watched in horror as she strode around Paris. 

Attempting to hide in a corner, Barkk trembled. Nooroo stayed stoically by Felix’s side as he continued to scream and writhe in pain. 

As the streets returned to normal, littered with murmurs about the inadequate villain, Felix’s pain eased to a bearable state. Standing, he watched Chat loitering on a roof. 

His powers changed. Is he the only one that is an adult? No… Carapace and Rena are nearly 19…  

Felix looked towards his board of images of possible Miraculous holders. He tapped his picture of Adrien. He carried an inclination that Adrien knew more than he let on; Felix even considered the possibility of Adrien being Chat Noir. 

Was Chat Noir’s leave of absence to strengthen his powers? That would mean Adrien wouldn’t be Chat… but the return time is too close to write off. 

Who else’s powers have changed? 

He began reorganising the board, moving Ladybug’s, Rena’s, and Chat’s pictures to their own side. Pushing on Chat’s picture he thought how odd it was that only Chat had extended time. 

Pulling out news clippings from Papillion and Mayura, he reread their involvement in battles. They didn’t seem to have a time limit either…

“Nooroo,” Felix seethed, anger becoming his primary tone. “How could my uncle use his power for longer than the other holders?” 

“He had years of practice.” Nooroo whispered. 

“I thought the holder's powers were supposed to strengthen in adulthood,” Felix pressed his palm against his never ending dull headache. 

“Not exactly, age is less of a determinate than personal evolution and practice,” Barkk tried to help, receiving a sharp glance from Nooroo. 

That makes sense…. It has only been the regular holders that have notebly evolved. He pulled Viperion off the board. 

But you’ve been out a lot more regularly… I bet you’re next. 

“If it gets stronger with practice… how am I going to beat them?” 

“You’ll never beat them! Our guardian is fantastic!” Barkk shouted in a sudden fit of courage. Felix backhanded Barkk across the room. 

“Nooroo, how?” He snapped his attention to the unmoved Kwami. 

“Even with years of practice and the Grimoire, Papillion still struggled.” Nooroo had made a fatal slip. 

“The Grimoire?” Felix's voice carried a tune of intrigue. 

Knowing they couldn’t pedal back, Nooroo proceeded, “a book about the Miraculous’, but it is in possession of the Guardian.” 

“Hmm… the Guardian who is in love with Adrien…” Felix thought out loud. 

Becoming concerned for Ladybug, Nooroo spoke out of fear. “But- Gabriel had a copy too!” They thought that going after old documents would be a safer option than Felix working to uncover Ladybug’s identity. In reality, Ladybug likely could have protected herself against an attack. It was nearly an impossible task to defend something she knew nothing of.

Felix’s face lit up. “Well, isn’t that perfect?” He chuckled as he lifted the newspaper promoting Adrien’s party. 

****

Disclaimer * The characters and original plot were written and created by Thomas Astruc. This writing is merely an interpretation in a sad gay type of way.