#hopefully there will be a better opportunity for her and we will tackle it together

[autizta]

Man I fucked up real bad

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

Time for one of these, I think.

I'm now off work for a week, hooray. I have no concrete plans except some studying and hopefully some writing, and a bit of touristing around town, possibly combined with lunch or a coffee with one of my longest-standing colleagues from job number one who retired yesterday and wants to get out of the way of the builders who will be starting to redo her bathroom on Monday, rather than months ago, as planned, when she'd be out of the way at work all day XD

I went in to job number one yesterday to make some hours up and tackle a particularly complicated task that needed some sustained concentration to get it done; I'd been intending to do it over Christmas but then managed to get the plague and didn't feel up to it, then didn't manage to do it on any of the weekends since then, so when Kate announced she was having a retirement do in our function room at the end of her last day I thought it was a good opportunity to get it done since it was on a Friday which is my non-working day these days. I got done everything I needed to do and also had a good long chat with Pauline, one of my other longstanding colleagues who's been volunteering with us since she retired nearly 20 years ago; I never see her any more because she comes in on Fridays when I'm not there, so it was really lovely to see her. I'm really going to miss Kate, as she's the last member of the team I first worked in back in 1997 to retire - but she's going to be coming back in and volunteering so hopefully we won't lose touch. I've known her (and Pauline, and Julie, our erstwhile manager who retired five years ago) more than half my life and they've all been so incredibly supportive over my career, but none more so than Kate. She's incredibly perceptive and understanding, kind to a fault, and I think she knows me better than I know myself (I am not at all self-analytical or perceptive or any of that stuff). We've been meaning to go for lunch for at least six years, since we haven't worked so closely together after the last restructure eight years ago, and never getting round to it, so I rather hope we can sort something out soon.

The retirement do was lovely - Kate's family were there (including her Oscar-winning son, for those of you who remember that particular excitement this time last year) and colleagues past and present, everyone brought some food, Kate gave us a quiz about herself to see how much attention we'd all been paying over the 36 years we'd variously known her (she started working with us in the autumn of 1987 - so ten years before I did) which was huge fun - my table won, enormously satisfyingly XD although we did have a bit of an advantage with both me and my work wife Helen as we both know her pretty well :D - and it was enormous fun, although I'm in huge denial that she's actually left. I went on to the pub with three former colleagues who I don't see nearly enough of, and wended my way home at the end of the night feeling warm and happy and generally rather good. I'll be getting my long-service award next year (25 years!!!) and I do feel rather as though it's about time I stepped into Kate, Pauline and Julie's very supportive shoes for our younger members of staff.

On Thursday I had a very productive online meeting for job number two, for a project that my predecessor handed on to me without really any guidance as to what I was going to do with it or how (he was very much a project manager and I am very much not, and I think he just expected me to be able to take it and run with it) - I'd had it on the back burner for several years as I just did not know what to do with it, but this year I feel like everything's coming together a bit and I got in touch with the academic who'd thought of it in the first place to say I was almost in a position to facilitate something, and she nearly bit my hands off XD we finally managed to get our schedules aligned on Thursday and she and a colleague and I got a bit of a plan together which is likely to involve me facilitating but not doing much else, which suits me absolutely fine.

Also for job number two I had an enquirer at location number two who wanted to come and look at the house's Catholic chapel registers for a history of the neighbouring village where he lives in a monastery because he is a Benedictine monk. I had never met a monk before, so I was completely intrigued, and he was really lovely - quite young, and very nerdy about history, so we hit it off very well, he found what he wanted in the registers, and then we went for a wander in the Anglican churchyard next to the house looking for gravestones for the family he was looking for. Dealing with enquiries and enquirers isn't my favourite part of the job, but it's always rather rewarding when someone finds what they wants and goes away happy.

Since those five were all work-related...I've done a bit of writing this week on two Femslash February prompts and a birthday fic for @lemurious in her Astronomer!Arwen 'verse, and it's been so nice to be back at it. I haven't felt much inspiration just lately and I've really missed it.

We're plotting fun things for Barduil Month in April over at @bi-widower-dads :D

We have a new boiler! We have heating! And a much better thermostat and more economical boiler and better radiator controls and everything is so much more comfortable. :D

It's nearly spring! Our daffodils have been out for weeks, and one of my peach trees has been in full bloom for about two weeks at this point, although the other one is still only thinking about putting buds out, which is a bit weird because normally they flower together - but the later one is in a shadier position so maybe that's got something to do with it.

I had a couple of nice walks round the docks to and from the garage where the TT was having a couple of things fixed, one first thing in the morning when everything was misty and the water was still as a millpond, and one late in the afternoon when the sun was just beginning to head for the horizon, and it reminded me how beautiful our little city is. I don't usually see the pretty bits, but I feel like I should make more effort to go up to the docks more regularly than once a year around my birthday, when we don't usually enjoy it because all the pubs are showing the Six Nations and the horse racing and we have no interest in either of them. Thinking we might go up during the week this year, instead of the weekend, when the rugby at least isn't on, although it's Gold Cup week so there's no escaping the horses. Still, there are a couple of new places opened now so maybe one of those doesn't have a TV. XD

I have some lovely Lumene skincare stuff again, having discovered that John Lewis sells it over here. It's just the nicest stuff, from Finland, all full of Nordic botanicals and things, and after a while where they weren't shipping to the UK, they are again now, plus I can also get it from John Lewis (I have clearly arrived among the middle-aged middle classes, I have a John Lewis online account now XD ), hooray.

It's nearly bike weather again! I might see if I can get him started up this week, as long as it's not too cold and/or wet.

I've been having so much fun with @mihrsuri RPing in-universe fandom drama in her Tudors OT3-'verse :D :D :D <333333

good lord, thirteen things. Not bad :D

As always, if anyone wants to take this idea and run with it, do feel free. Five (or more!) good things, no matter how big or small. A little bit of positivity in the midst of everything else.

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

I’m staying awake by sheer force of irritability to give a ROUSING recap of the most boring game of soccer that we all decided was worth watching in the middle of the night.

US v. Australia

Alyssa - sweet Alyssa. Out there, saving the ball, watching her teammates play like strangers. I’m happy that she got a clean sheet at least.

Becky - had a good game. Like she said, it’s not her job to score goals. It’s her job to not let the other team and she DID THAT. Maybe she should have tried to score. Would have at least made things more interesting.

Tierna - she was absolutely the right choice to start and play a full 90 over Abby. She was her usual calm and collected self and even though Kerr didn’t seem fully in it, Baby T squandered any chances she thought she had. So proud.

Crystal - a good game. Not to her usual standards but that’s because she’s usually so insanely good. Few great defensive saves but wasn’t able to push into the attack. And we need her to do that.

Kelley - she did fine. Few iffy moments, but nothing dangerous. Was moving well and got good crosses off. That cross to Alex’s offsides goal was so PRETTY. I’m a little salty about that. Hopefully her fragile joints are okay from the few tackles she got tangled in.

Julie - Julie Ertz appreciation over here because she did save our butts a little bit. She was one of the few that looked like she was trying out there. Another full ninety for her, hopefully she can keep it up otherwise…. We a little (a lot) fucked

Rose - Rosemary. The only one with energy. The only one who looked aware she was playing an Olympic game. She looked fast. She looked strong. And she was creating chances. Her defensive slide tackles were sexy. I don’t know how she was not screaming at everyone to help her tf out.

Sam - Sammy is having a really tough tournament and I just want to sit her down on the sidelines with some orange slices and find out what the hell is going on with her. The turnovers, the positioning, the physicality, just all off.

Lindsey - she did better than Sam, I guess. I wanted and expected more from her. She definitely created more opportunities and helped us keep better possession. Would have loved her header off the Tierna set piece to at least have been on frame.

Kristie - wish she was in sooner for Sam Kerr chaos. Whatever. She was running around a little more than everyone else. She looked happy to be there.

Alex - had glimmers of brilliance. Her run through in the first half where she fell and didn’t get the shot off well. The GOAL. VAR is a fugly slut and I don’t trust her. Alex was definitely frustrated, v apparent by the few seconds of her on the sideline just shaking her head. SAME GIRL.

Pinoe - she always does better as a sub so idk why we’re so insistent at starting her. Her and Carpenter are always a fun match up to watch though. Even in this boring ass game. Pinoe didn’t do much, but to her credit, did track back on defense a good bit which, for her, is BIG

Christen - ugh. pressy. She got herself in position and got some beautiful opportunities. The finish just wasn’t there for her today. Like Alex, was frustrated. Hope she tells her legs ‘good job’ anyway.

Tobin - this may have been her best game thus far, but still v far from her best playing form. It looked like she started a small spark when she came in with Lindsey but it dimmed quickly as the mood of the game brought her down. Was that field an energy vacuum? Seriously. The fuck.

Carli - I thought we were gonna press when she came on but I GUESS NOT. She shoulda just gone rogue and tried anyways.

Lynn - OLYMPICS DEBUT. Happy for her for that. But like with Carli, why weren’t they just let loose? Lynn is so fast! We know this! Everyone knows this. Let her RUN!

I think we’re all out here, once again, asking the gals to GET IT TOGETHER. Selfishly, if we’re going to be staying up for these 3 am games, can they at least try and keep us awake?

I’m at a loss as to what kind of kick in the ass everyone needs.

But whatever. I’ll support them when they win. Support them when they lose. Support them when they play sleepy, boring games where the back lines just pass back and forth for 5 minute stretches while everyone watches.

LFG. (To bed.)

[singledarkshade]

All That Glitters

Summary: It's been several months since Rip's encounter with Sapphire And Steel. As he tries to put it behind him, Gideon and Miranda deal with the fallout in their relationship. But the past they think is dead and buried is about to come back to haunt them. Sequel to Sapphire And Steel. Author’s Note: For @riphuntertimemasterlegend and @incendiaglacies who have both been waiting for this sequel. Hope you enjoy.

The full thing has been written so will be up over the next few days.                                ********************************************* Part One

“Are you talking to me yet?” Miranda asked hopefully as Gideon sat curled up on the bed a pillow hugged to her chest. “I didn’t do it to hurt you,” Miranda continued when silence answered her, “You know that, don’t you?”

“Then why?” Gideon demanded, speaking for the first time in three days, “I know I was paying a lot of attention to him, but it was new. You know I love you as much as I always have.”

Sitting at her side Miranda stroked Gideon’s hair, “That’s not why. I know you’ve fallen in love with Rip, so have I and I’m sure his feelings for us were the same. But,” she continued before Gideon could say anything, “He deserves better than us.”

“What?”

Miranda sighed, “We pretend that we got away from Druce but we’re still doing what he taught us. We steal because that’s basically all we know, Gideon. Rip escaped from that world and found a better life. He became a cop despite being raised the same way we were. I won’t let him give it all up.”

Gideon sighed, “So you let him think we used him and everything that happened was a manipulation?”

“It’s for the best,” Miranda told her, “I wish it wasn’t. He’ll get over it and move on.”

Gideon rested her head against her girlfriend’s shoulder, “What now?”

“Now,” Miranda sighed, “We lay low for a while and decide what we want to do.”

“Together?” Gideon turned to look into Miranda’s eyes.

Miranda nodded and kissed her, “Always together.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Gideon asked, “We can’t go back to the house and we can’t stay in this hotel much longer. Where do you suggest we go?”

“Why don’t we visit some old friends?” Miranda suggested.

Gideon let out a long sigh.

“We need to lay low for a few months,” Miranda reminded her, “Considering Rip knows more about us than anyone, he can find us, and he likely will not be very happy about how things ended, so we shouldn’t give him the opportunity. We can look on it as an extended holiday?”

Smiling Gideon nodded, “That sounds nice.”

Miranda hugged her girlfriend tightly, hoping that Gideon had forgiven her.

                               *********************************************

 Rip ran, dodging people as he chased.

The man ran through the park, so Rip jumped onto the nearest bench, which let him get onto a wall above the thief. Rip leaped forward and tackled him to the ground. Pulling the man to his feet, Rip pushed him to the uniformed officers.

“Read him his rights,” Rip ordered.

Joe West chuckled as he leaned against the car watching, “That was a little vicious.”

“I wasn’t chasing him all day,” Rip replied sharply.

“Technically this is our day off,” Joe reminded him, “Remember that? You’re meant to be helping me pick stuff up to paint the nursery.”

“Well you shouldn’t have parked next to a shop being robbed,” Rip retorted.

Joe rolled his eyes, “Of course, what was I thinking?”

“If you still want help then we should get started,” Rip said walking towards the hardware store.

It was now three months since his encounter with Sapphire and Steel, since he’d been completely stupid falling under their spell and believing in the bond they talked about. He’d received a lot of praise for tracking them down, even if he hadn’t managed to arrest them, because a lot of the stolen items had been recovered. It was praise he knew he didn’t deserve but Rip remained silent and was relieved that the thieves had not decided to tell anyone what had happened. Now the case had been put on hold, since the thieves had disappeared, and Rip had been partnered with Joe West. It was the one of the two good things that came out of the past few months.

The other good thing was the fact Rip had returned from his time in Coast City to be told Zaman Druce had died of a heart attack the night before. Despite the fact he’d been safe from the man for decades, Rip felt relief knowing that he was gone for good and there was no way Rip would ever have to worry about him again.

 -

 Joe watched his partner as the younger man painted the wall of the nursery with the intense focus that he’d had the past months for pretty much everything. Singh had decided to partner them permanently considering Rip’s success on the Sapphire and Steel case, even if Rip insisted not managing to arrest them meant it wasn’t a success. He’d liked Rip from the moment they met. Rip was smart, he looked at things in an unconventional way which Joe appreciated, and they worked well together.

Joe did what he had with his previous partners by including Rip in his family, whether he wanted to be or not. He had basically guilt-tripped Rip on their day off into help him paint the nursery – which he never thought he’d need ever again.

“Don’t you have a son and son-in-law to do things like this for you?” Rip asked, standing back to admire his work.

Joe chuckled, “Both are busy.”

“I bet,” Rip replied rolling his eyes.

“Thanks for your help,” Joe told him, “I do appreciate it.”

Shrugging Rip said, “I had nothing else to do today.”

“Good to know,” Joe replied, “How are you at home repairs?”

“You couldn’t afford me,” Rip told him, an amused smile touching his lips.

Joe laughed.

“You promised me food for my help,” Rip reminded Joe, “Is that coming at any point?”

Nodding Joe pulled out his phone, “Pizza?”

                                 *********************************************

 “Hi,” Nora Dahrk cried happily, hugging Miranda then Gideon tightly when they were led into the lounge where she was waiting, “I’m so happy to see you both.”

Miranda beamed at their friend, “Thank you for giving us a place to stay.”

“Of course. You’re both welcome here whenever you want,” Nora reminded them, “Ray will be ecstatic to see you too.”

Gideon smiled tightly, “Where is he?”

“Playing in the garage with all his toys,” Nora laughed fondly, “I’m going to have to lock it to make sure he comes to his birthday party on Saturday. But he’ll be so happy that you’re both here to celebrate with us.” She pulled them over to the couch, “Now tell me everything that’s happened that means you need a place to stay.”

Gideon took a few steps back, “I think I’ll go see Ray.”

Confused Nora watched Gideon head to Ray’s workshop, turning to Miranda she demanded, “What’s wrong?”

Miranda sighed, “We did something…stupid.”

Nora stared at her for a few seconds before bouncing up and pouring them both a glass of red wine. Handing one to Miranda, she sat beside her again, “Tell me everything.”

Taking a long drink Miranda told her friend about their detective and the past few months.

“So, Gideon is upset by the fact you ended the relationship,” Nora sympathised.

Miranda sighed, “We both fell hard for Rip. But I made the decision alone. Gideon and I have always discussed everything, but I knew how deeply she’d fallen for him. I made the decision to remove him from our lives without her because I didn’t want her to make it.”

“I understand that,” Nora soothed, “And I’m sure she does too.”

Miranda shook her head, tears filling her eyes, “I’m scared she’ll leave. Nora,” she stopped her friend before she could say anything, “Gideon loves me, I know this but she hasn’t been the same the past few months and I’m afraid she’ll decide that what I did means she can’t stay with me.”

Nora wrapped her arm around Miranda’s shoulders, hugging her close. Nora’s father had been a business associate of Druce, whenever they had business together Druce would bring Miranda and Gideon along as companions for Nora. They had become good friends, so when Nora’s father died and Nora inherited everything, she made sure Miranda and Gideon knew they were always welcome.

Whenever they needed to go to ground it was a refuge for them with Nora and the adorable, brilliant Ray, Nora’s husband. Miranda just hoped Gideon would feel better spending some time here with their friends because Miranda couldn’t lose her.

 -

 Gideon slipped away from Nora and Miranda, heading up the stairs to the room Nora had given them when she’d first taken over the house. She had thought about going to say hello to Ray, but he was such an enthusiastic person and she did adore him, but right now Gideon didn’t want to deal with his cheerful disposition or his concern if she didn’t manage to be as upbeat as he would expect her to be.

She was sad.

Part of her understood why Miranda had ended their relationship with Rip but she was hurt that Miranda hadn’t trusted Gideon to be part of the decision. They had returned to England to let things die down for a while and, although Gideon tried to move past the hurt she felt, their relationship had become strained.

Opening her laptop Gideon began to scroll through some of the websites she liked, a mixture of jewellery and technology, her two favourite things. She flicked to the website that she had been looking at the night before and for the last few days. Finally making a decision that she’d been hesitating over.

With a deep breath, she found her bag and packed her laptop wondering if she would have the strength to say goodbye.

 -

 “Hey,” Miranda’s voice made her turn, “I thought you were going to see Ray.”

Gideon shrugged, “I changed my mind.”

“What are you doing?” Miranda asked confused to see the bags sitting there.

Shaking her head sadly Gideon sat, she had hoped to have a little more time to get herself together for this conversation.

Miranda took a seat on the bed beside her, “Can you talk to me? Please.”

Sighing Gideon stood and walked to the other side of the room trying not to see how hurt Miranda looked, “I know you were thinking of all of us when you ended our relationship with Rip, but you should have talked to me first.”

“Gideon…”

“You’ve always taken care of me,” Gideon cut her off, “And I love you for that.”

Confused Miranda said, “I love you too.”

“But,” Gideon sighed sadly, “I’ve never had to be responsible for myself and I think it’s time I am,”

Shock and fear covered Miranda’s face, “What do you mean?”

“When I first lost my parents,” Gideon breathed, “I was so afraid, and there you were. My angel. You looked after me and you’ve never stopped but I shouldn’t have let you.”

Tears filled Miranda’s eyes, “Please…”

“I just want to spend some time on my own,” Gideon continued.

Still confused Miranda asked, “Why now? Is this because of Rip.”

“Yes,” Gideon replied, “And no. It has nothing to do with him, it’s the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to make that decision with you.”

Miranda sighed, “I didn’t want you to have to make it. I know how much you adore him.”

“It wasn’t your choice, Miranda,” Gideon cried frustrated, “And I have tried to stop how I feel but I can’t,” she took Miranda’s hands, “I love you but I need to stand on my own just for a little while.”

“How long is a little while?”

Sadness filled Gideon’s eyes, but she didn’t answer the question. Instead she pulled her coat on and picked up her bag. Leaning over she kissed Miranda before pulling away and leaving without a word.

Trying not to cry, Gideon slipped out the house and climbed into the car. Driving away Gideon hoped she was doing the right thing.

[queen-scribbles]

Meet the Family

Mass Effect Relationships Week Day 3: Missed Opportunities

The second I saw this one, I knew I had to fill it with the what-if of Gabe not being KIA pre-trilogy so Lisa actually gets to a) keep her surrogate brother and b) introduce him to Kaidan. This is immediately post-ME1, and for people unfamiliar with Lisa, she didn’t sleep with Kaidan before Ilos, even though she really, really likes him, so they’re still figuring out Them as a Couple(?). Fun time to meet the family :D

------

Lisa paced back and forth along a small section of the cafe’s outdoor seating, never far from their table, and picked at the edge of the bandage around her left arm.

“Shepard, if you peel that off, it’s gonna scar,” Kaidan reminded her for the fifth time in two days, barely looking up from the menu.

“Scars are badass,” she countered with a smirk. “And I-”

But the rest of her comeback was aborted when she spotted an approaching figure and hopped the patio railing with a whoop to charge toward him.

Fortunately Gabe saw her coming, so her enthusiastic tackle-hug didn’t send them tumbling into Citadel foot traffic. He laughed as he hugged her back, hard enough some of her bruises complained(she ignored them). “Hey Lise! Long time no see.”

Lisa’s only reply was a happy grunt, muffled against the side of his neck as she held tight. It had been pure chance after the battle she’d noticed one of the Alliance ships that went against Sovereign was his, and she was still relieved she hadn’t lost him without even knowing he was there.

When they finally let go, Gabe caught her injured wrist in a loose grip and shot her a significant look. “What have you been doing with yourself, Lisa?”

Lisa snorted and gestured at the damaged Citadel around them. “Playing the hero, of course.”

He shook his head with a wry laugh. “Of course. You never could help yourself.”

She snorted and lightly poked the scars that cut through his eyebrow and across the bridge of his nose. “You’re one to fucking talk, Palléon.”

“Language, Lisa Anne,” Gabe chided with exaggerated affront. He slung an arm around her shoulders. “C’mon, didn’t you have crew you wanted me to meet...?”

“Oh, yeah. That,” Lisa drawled, shifting his arm so it wasn’t resting on the glass cuts peppering the back of her neck. “Turns out only Alenko could make it, so he’ll have to do for now.”

She left off he was the one she most wanted Gabe to meet, but from the look she got, he at least suspected. “Mm-hm.”

“Behave, Gabriel.” She wasn’t sure if it was a warning or a request, but it set mischief dancing in his dark grey eyes either way.

“Yes, ma’am, Commander Shepard, ma’am,” he teased.

Lisa rolled her eyes and tugged him toward the cafe entrance. “Y’know, for bein’ like my big brother, you sure can be a little shit sometimes.”

“That’s my job,” Gabe said cheerfully. 

She lightly bopped the back of his head. “Please, Gabe.” This is important to me.

Something in her tone made him sober and he nodded as they stepped on to the cafe patio, letting his arm drop from around her shoulders. “Sure, Lise.”

“Thanks.” She was grinning as they closed distance to the table she and Kaidan had staked out. Kaidan pushed to his feet just as they got there and Lisa took half a step back to  not be in the way as she made introductions. “Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Major Gabriel Palléon.” (Why were her palms sweaty?) “Gabe, this is Kaidan.”

Gabe held out a hand to shake. “Good to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, sir,” Kaidan said, smile warm but posture military-stiff as he shook Gabe’s hand and Lisa bit back a giggle. Bless him for wanting to make a good impression. (It was cute. When did she start thinking things were cute?!)  “L-Shepard’s talked about you quite a bit.”

“Likewise,” Gabe laughed. “But we can save the formality for on-duty, huh? Gabe’s fine.”

Kaidan chuckled as the three of them sat. “Fair enough. Though since Shepard and I serve together, I’ll probably stick to it with her.”

There was also the--probably vain--hope a semblance of formality would help mask whatever was between them until they sorted it out themselves. Which would hopefully be soon. She’d promised they could figure it out later, and she’d never made a promise she wanted to keep more. But for now, better to focus on the fact Kaidan was getting to meet the closest thing to family she had left in the galaxy. She wanted (needed) them to hit it off.

“So I hear you’ve been largely responsible for keeping Lisa alive the past several months,” Gabe said, taking the menu she nudged him with a nod of thanks. “She hasn’t been able to mention all the details, but that one’s come up a few times.”

“Oh, she’s plenty good at keeping herself alive,” Kaidan demurred with a small smile. “I just tag along to watch her back. In case she needs me.”

Lisa snorted and shook her head. “He’s bein’ modest,” she informed Gabe as she nudge Kaidan’s shoulder. “If it wasn’t all classified to hell and back, I could spend at least an hour filling you in on all the ways he’s saved my neck. And he brews the best damn pot of coffee--sorry, Gabe--I’ve ever had in my life, which has saved everyone from me on more than one occasion.”

“Better than mine?” Gabe asked in a faux-injured tone, but she could see the corners of his mouth twitching and almost kicked him under the table.

The only reason she didn’t was the server showing up to take their orders.

After they’d finished and the server headed off, Gabe sighed dramatically. “At least I know she’s in good hands.”

Kaidan chuckled, rubbed the back of his neck. “I do my best.”

“So, Gabe,” Lisa interjected, “one thing I’m dying to know; your unit’s always been out toward the edges of Council space, lots of groundside assignments. What the hell were you doing on a ship so close to the Citadel, anyway?”

Gabe shrugged apologetically and shook his head. “Sorry, Lise. Classified.”

She waved it off. It had only been 50-50 odds he could tell her anyway. “S’alright, I know the drill. What’ve you been up to that you can talk about?”

He pursed his lips in thought. “Supervised a couple clean up ops, but the last few months have been mostly ferreting out a pirate cabal that started getting a little bolder around some of our colonies and outposts than Command’s comfortable with. But I don’t want to waste time talkin’ about work.”

Lisa arched a brow. She had a sneaking suspicion she could guess the...  membership composition of this cabal if he was changing the subject so quickly. But she let him get away with it. “Okay, but work’s almost all we’ve been doing the past few months,” she pointed out, jerking her thumb at Kaidan. “So unless you got a new girlfriend an’ wanna enlighten me, there won’t be much else to talk about...”

“You didn’t have any downtime?” Gabe prodded, shaking his head in silent answer to her half-joking needling. “No time for fun shit on the Normandy?”

“Talking, card games, playin’ with my omnitool...” Lisa shrugged. “The usual in-between missions shit.”

“You and that omnitool,” Gabe teased.

This time she did kick him under the table. “Hey, you’re the one who gave it to me.” She smiled sweetly. “Thanks for picking a model that plays nice with upgrades and tweaks.”

“I created a monster,” he lamented theatrically, and moved his leg when she went to kick him again. “What about you, Kaidan, you do anything different than my favorite tech nerd, or do you have roughly the same idea of fun?”

Kaidan laughed. “Same, I’m afraid. Chatting, playing cards, tweaking omnitool functions.”

The server came back with their  drinks and assurance the food would only be a few more minutes.

“You have a favorite when it comes to cards?” Gabe asked as he took a drink.

Kaidan shrugged and shook his head. “Anything’s fun. I guess if you made me pick, probably poker.”

Gabe’s eyes lit up and he leaned forward, “Tell me you cleaned her out,” he said, leveling a finger at Lisa. “Please.”

Kaidan grinned and held up two fingers. “Twice.”

“Excellent.”

“Hey!” Lisa protested, fighting a grin.

“Your reign of terror needed to end, Lise,” Gabe returned. “You’re just lucky it wasn’t me.”

She snorted. “Like that would ever happen.”

“That’s hurtful,” he grinned.

“Gabe. I love you like a brother, and you’re very good at many things,” Lisa said with a matching grin, “but poker isn’t one of them.”

“I can help you work on that if you want,” Kaidan offered, ignoring the ‘Traitor!’ look Lisa sent him.

“And I might take you up on that,” Gabe said, smirking at her. Clearly he had caught the ‘Traitor!’ look.

“I’m feeling ganged-up on,” Lisa groused, still grinning.

Kaidan took pity on her and changed the subject as the server reappeared with their food. Gabe--still smirking--played along. It came out in the ensuing conversation they rooted for the same hockey team, though Kaidan was decidedly less... intense about it, and it was not Lisa’s team of choice.

There was no overlap in movie genre preference between the three of them, which turned into a spirited, good-natured debate that consumed almost a whole hour before Kaidan steered them to a different topic. Lisa gave his shoulder a grateful nudge for that; it was one thing to get stuck in sibling-loggerheads with Gabe when they were sprawled on the couch just shooting the shit. This was different.

All told, it took them almost four hours of friendly conversation--and frequent teasing--to start winding down. Lisa had a sneaking suspicion if she wasn’t the Savior of the Citadel they would have been asked to leave much earlier. The cafe was very busy, despite the damage surrounding it. She made sure to leave the server a large tip when she paid.

Kaidan and Gabe where shaking hands farewell when she rejoined them, Gabe just finishing a comment she didn’t catch that had Kaidan nodding with a small smile.

“Good to know,” he said, darting a glance at her. “And, again, good to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Gabe said, clapping him on the shoulder before he turned to hug Lisa. “Glad I got to see you, Lise.”

“You, too,” she replied, returning the hug with matching fervor. (He still gave the best hugs) “Hopefully we can get together again before going our separate ways, but for now, Alenko an’ I have a meeting to get to.”

“I’ll make sure to bug ya about that,” Gabe promised with a wink.

“I’m sure you will,” Lisa grinned. “See ya round.”

They headed off in their respective directions, and Lisa barely waited until they were safely out of earshot to ask, “What’s good to know?”

“Huh?” Kaidan shot her a bemused look.

“What Gabe said,” she clarified. “Or is that some guy thing I don’t actually wanna know?”

“Oh.” He smiled sheepishly. “Quoting him: Not to pry, but I think you’ll be good for her.”

Lisa huffed and twisted around as if she could glare at Gabe’s back, but he was already lost to view. “He- part of me wants to smack him for meddling in my love life.”

Kaidan hit the elevator call button, a curious smile just tugging at his lips. “And the rest of you?”

The laugh underlying his words nearly undid her. Lisa winked. “The rest of me agrees with him, so I’ll let it slide for now.” She arched a brow at him. “After all, we gotta figure out my love life b’fore I can get mad at him for meddlin’ in it, huh?”

Kaidan chuckled and let her step into the elevator first when it arrived. “Looking forward to it, Shepard. But lets focus on the meeting for now and us later.”

“Right. Later.” She bit her lip to hold back the flutter in her chest at his tone.

They rode in warm silence, hands so close their knuckles brushed, but neither said a word.

[june-louise]

A rarity of a moment

Fan fiction about Elizabeth and Philip from The Crown (set sometime after 1x06), just because I ship them and felt the urge to write a little something for the first time in years. 

....

Elizabeth gave a small sigh as she picked up the speech she was supposed to give in a few hours. She hoped the changes she instructed had been added to the notes and as she read through the appropriate and well induced sentences about the opening of the children’s centre in Nottingham, she smiled to herself as she discovered that this time the speech actually felt quite good. Perhaps it had something to do with the passionate and driven men and women who has initiated this important installation, she pondered as her eyes flickered through the speech. Her fingers played with the pearls around her neck as she memorised the words best she could even though her eyes were quite tired after hours of paperwork already. The last couple of months had been a whirlwind of work and there had been little time to reflect on the life-changing turn her whole life had taken when becoming the Queen of England. One day at a time, tackling one task at a time had been made her epigraph.

A knock on the wooden door disturbed her focus and Michael apologetically joined her temporary office. “Sorry to disturb, your Majesty.”

Elizabeth briefly looked up. “What is it, Michael?”

Her private secretary uncomfortably cleared his throat. “It’s the Duke, ma’am.” His words made Elizabeth abandon the speech and lift her gaze to the man approaching her desk.  “Apparently his Royal Highness and Mr Avison Parker has been in a small car accident. No major injuries reportedly, but-” he paused and nervously studied her reaction. Elizabeth lifted her eyebrow, her lips tight as she gave him her full concentration, the icy blue in her eyes giving way to no emotion. She had become some expert of concealing her true feelings. Michael continued, “caution has been made and they are both with the doctor. It seems as if Mr Avison Parker has injured his arm and ribcage, while His Royal Highness luckily escaped any injuries. Unfortunately, the press has taken notice, but we are working on it, ma’am, so it will hopefully not make it into tomorrow’s papers.”

Elizabeth tightened her jaw. “I see,” she began and stood from the chair by the desk, straightening her skirt before walking toward the window. Rain smattered against the glass, the wind strong outside.

“We have arranged for a phone call, ma’am.” Michael gestured to the phone placed next to the abandoned notes on the desk.

Elizabeth felt her arms tighten, taking a deep breath as she contained her emotions. “Yes, of course.” She walked up to the desk yet again and paused when reaching for the phone. “Thank you, Michael.” The man gave a nod before leaving the room, carefully closing the doors behind him, off to make sure the issue was being handled properly.

She took a deep breath before lifting the phone to her ear. “Yes,” she said with the voice of a true aristocrat.

“Elizabeth,” her husband carefully started on the other end of the phone, his voice sounding quite small. “I am sorry. I am fine.”

“So I hear.”

“We were just driving, and some idiot had placed a bicycle in the middle of the road. Mike made sure I was protected and pretty much took the whole hit himself, poor boy.”

She let him talk for a few more moments, his excuses not moving her in the slightest. “Elizabeth?” Philip tried after a while when noticing that she had yet to say another word. “You still there?”

“Had you been drinking,” she suddenly blurted out, voice annoyed and accusing. When there was no immediate respond, she continued. “Of course you had. What were you thinking? Have you any idea to what extent this could cause a scandal,” she spat, her voice harsh and menacing. “They already hate us and are just waiting for us to make a mistake. We cannot afford to make mistakes, Philip.”

“I know,” he got out before she continued, interrupting his apologies, once again letting him know that she was Queen and he was not.

“You really should know better. Do you even think about your children and what your reckless behaviour could lead to, them not growing up with a father.” She knew she was crossing a line and was acting quite mean, but she could not stop herself, the anger consuming her entire being. Did he not understand what pressure she already was under, what scrutiny their lives were doomed to hold? She refused to let him or anyone else, let alone Mike, jeopardize the monarchy or their family like this.  

Philip took his opportunity to interrupt when she paused to breathe, letting her know his hurt feelings. “I told you I was sorry. And quite frankly, I was hoping you at least be happy I was not hurt. But guess I was hoping for too much from my wife.”  He spoke the last word with an irritated and hurt spat and continued. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I shall speak to the doctor. See you when you get home.”

Before she could reply he had ended their call and Elizabeth was left standing with the silent phone held to her ear. She felt a sting of hurt but quickly brushed it off, composing herself and putting the phone down while returning to her seat by the desk and the speech. She was queen after all, and composure was her expertise.

 ….

 While the rain smattered onto the umbrella being held over her head, Elizabeth curled her lips into a content smile as she welcomed the applause from the crowd in front of her. As true Englishmen, no one seemed too bothered by the weather as they clapped while the rainfall caused their coats and hats to turn into a darker shade of grey and black. It was in these moments she felt proud of her country and seeing all these people gathered, not only to meet and listen to her, but to celebrate the hard work of this fine children’s centre the whole community had helped create in a common belief and hope of the future.

Making her way down the stage, ushered through the crowd stopping every once in a while to shake hands and be introduced to left and right, thanked and cheered she kept her head high and her smile as bright as she could. These people deserved it, they deserved to be seen by their sovereign.

“Thank you for coming, your Majesty,” they said with a bow or a curtsey.

As she made her way closer to the awaiting car, Elizabeth’s eyes caught onto a blonde woman who seemed to be her own age. She approached the woman who gave her a kind smile.

“Hello,” Elizabeth said in her most charming voice.

The blonde woman made curtsey respectfully before speaking, her voice revealing a gentleness which made the queen soften. “It’s an honour to meet you, your Majesty.”

“Likewise,” Elizabeth smiled, with a hint of uncomfortableness as she shook the woman’s dainty hand.

“If I may, ma’am,” the blonde carefully started with obvious shyness yet determination. “I would like to tell you that I have always admired you so. We are the same age, you see, and I married my husband the same year as your Royal wedding. I was so proud to be his wife.” The woman beamed, and Elizabeth could not help but reciprocate the gesture.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth replied, and not sure what to say but wanting to give the kind woman something, she continued. “Congratulations then on your 6th anniversary this year.”

The woman’s hazel eyes saddened for a moment but then lit up again while she spoke. “Sadly, I lost my husband a year ago. But I am always reminded of him, and all our happy times, whenever I see you, your Majesty, and your husband. Thank you for reminding me of him, and for giving us all such joy.”

For a quick moment Elizabeth let an insecure and vulnerable look escape her strong façade, and she gave a sad smile. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be, ma’am. We had good years, and we have a little boy who looks just like his father.” There was something angelic over the woman’s face and Elizabeth envied her joy, at the same time as she pitied her painful loss.

Taking her hand into her gloved one yet again, Elizabeth gave it a light press before letting go and being ushered into the car. As the car drove away, she made one last wave to the people, and watched the blonde woman through the back window. It was rare that she met with strangers like this anymore, she thought and pondered about the small conversation she had just had.  

….

An hour later Elizabeth was all dressed up in a sapphire dress, as she joined a dinner held at the city hall. She tried her best to keep her appearance, as she always must, but felt her thoughts more than once drift back to the woman she had met and the words she had spoken about her husband. Elizabeth felt a sting of guilt for having her husband safe and sound, while this obviously wonderful woman had lost hers. Yet the woman had had such a grateful and positive way of being, while Elizabeth acted cold and dismissive toward her husband.

She and Philip for sure had had their problems since her entering the throne, but lately it all seemed to have become worse. They barely saw each other, and when they did it was often during formalities or in argument over something. She could not remember the last time they had shared an evening together, or even yet shared bed. It was all so complicated, living a married life in Buckingham palace.

She made a deep sigh of relief as the dinner finally ended and localised Michael where he stood by the corner of the ballroom. “I want to go home, Michael. Please arrange for me to go home as soon as possible.” Her words came as a bit of a surprise to her, the spontaneity to have made such a drastic decision before she even had come to understand why she felt such an urge to return home at this late hour being somewhat unusual.

Michael, if feeling the same surprise, hid it well and simply nodded and made his way to make the arrangements while the queen paid the respects and thanked everyone for the warm welcome and the wonderful dinner, ever the daunting queen.

….

The familiar smell of portraits and perfectly polished carpets filled her nose as she climbed the stairs to her private quarters. She had dismissed her maid, making sure everyone leave her and Philip alone for the night.

Closing the dark wooden doors behind her, she let out a shaky breath and stepped out of her shoes as to not make any noise to wake Philip who was asleep since a few hours already. The clock on the wall let her know it was a good few hours past midnight. Philip’s door to their adjoining hall was open and she quietly stepped into his bedroom. It was embedded in darkness except from the moon sweeping a dim light through the window curtains.

Philip was sound asleep she heard, his soft breathing being the only noise filling the room. He had never been a snorer, even after nights out drinking, and she was reminded of how long it had been since she has listened to him sleep. She carefully stepped closer to his bed, cautious not to make the old wooden floor creak.

It was not like her to give into this urge to see him, lately she did not even know if she had felt this urge. Yet now it was there. Something about the woman losing her husband and speaking of their happy years, reminded her of her own affection to Philip. An affection which was always there, even though she had not let it bother her lately. Now though, it felt as if it consumed her.

Philip, her Philip, in his navy blue pyjamas never looked more sweet. The way he was so still and quiet reminded her of happier times. Of years lost to duty and sacrifice.  

She felt her throat thicken, swallowed and as not to wake him up she quietly made her way back to her own bedroom.

Undressing from the dress she had insisted to keep on in order to save time, she got rid of her stockings and undergarments. She lifted the white nightgown over her head and removed the jewellery, wanting to get rid of all the things Elizabeth the queen had to wear.

She made her way to her dressing table to remove her makeup. While moving her fingers over her face in the well-practiced routine, her eyes are caught on the one jewel that she had kept on, glimmering in the mirror. Her engagement ring. She never takes it off, even after all these years and even after all the fights. It is her most beloved possession. It represents who she was when she was someone to fall in love with, to choose this life with despite all of the sacrifices. She needs to remind herself of that girl, Lilibet, because sometimes she seems so far away these days.

As she sees a glimpse of that girl in the mirror, hot tears form in her eyes, and she closes them shut while gently tugging at the ring on her finger. A single tear find itself down the alabaster skin of her cheek. The words from before tug at her heart. “I married my husband the same year as your Royal wedding. I was so proud to be his wife.”

An urge to go to her husband fill her entire body and she rises, wiping her tear and dabbing at her eyes before abandoning her room to again open the adjoining doors. She pushes her pride aside and open the doors to Philip’s room for the second time that night.

Greeted by darkness, she must wait for a few moments before her eyes get used to the surroundings and she can see the form of her husband on the bed. She can hear his soft breathing and walks close, stepping out of her slippers and carefully sit on the bed, bringing her legs up under her. Philip does not move so she gently lift her hand to brush against his where is rests on top of the covers. She has always adored his strong body and been a victim under his touch. As her fingers dance over his hand, up over his arm and back again, Philip moves and rolls onto his side, burying his head deeper into the pillow. He looks so innocent when he sleeps, she thinks and tries to remember the last time she studied him like this. She cannot remember. She has missed it. To be near him like this. They seldom sleep in the same bed anymore. Most nights she does not think much about it, but every once in a while, when she goes to bed without him, when he is god knows where out with Mike, a sadness lingers over her. She does miss her husband, and the days where they would share bed every night.  

“I am always reminded of him, and all our happy times, whenever I see you, your Majesty, and your husband.”

The thought of losing the man sound asleep beside her, makes her heart ache. Not only the accident which could have been far worse, but the fact that her position as queen has sent Philip away from her to a place where he is happier without her causes the wetness to return to her eyes. Lifting the covers, Elizabeth carefully slips underneath, and curls close to the only person in the world her heart belongs to and has ever belonged to. Her forehead rest against his and she clings her hand to his, bringing it to her lips and pressing a tender kiss against the soft skin. The action causes Philip to stir and as he wakens, he opens his eyes, confused at first.

“Elizabeth,” he murmurs in question and blinks the sleep from his eyes. Blue eyes meet each other there in the bedroom, for the first time in very long. “Why aren’t you in Nottingham?”

She swallows and shifts on the bed, her gaze falling on his entangled hand in hers. She watches his fingers intertwine with hers and feel him shift slightly so that his other arm moves around her body, gently pulling her against him so that he lays on his back and she is rolled against him on her side. Feeling her throat thicken again and the hotness burn behind her eyes, Elizabeth cannot make a sound in fear of bursting into tears. “I’m sorry,” she finally mouths in a whisper and release a shaky breath while lifting her gaze to meet his.

She is met by a rare gentleness in his eyes and she feels more vulnerable than she has felt in a long time. She cannot make herself say the words but hope her eyes can signal her apology. Philip, too, is a proud man and their communication is seldom made with many words. Yet she feels as if she should say something, anything, to make him understand the way she feels. Her lip suddenly quivers, and she curses her inability to control her emotions. “I miss you,” she releases and gives into the sob that bangs at her chest for release. Her vision gets blurry and she finds herself embraced into the warmth and comfort of her Philip, strong arms wrapping around her and soft lips pressing a kiss to her head as she rests her face into the crook of his neck. She is filled with his scent and with every shaky inhale it fills her up with a calmness and comfort she has not given herself permission to need lately.

“I miss you, too, my Lilibet,” Philip whispers into her hair.

[scripttorture]

Any tips for handling a character who believes the stereotype that "no scars = no harm" when it comes to prison abuse, and is convinced b/c of this that they have no right to be upset about their own abuse cause their friends got physically smacked around, and they "only" got tazed/ humiliated by the guards? (They were in solitary too but they don't think that counts.) Any way to show that their treatment, while different, was just as harmful, when they themselves don't think that it could be?

Yes, I think I can help you out. :)

 I think the key to this one is giving all of these characters space in the story and signalling to readers that this particular character is an unreliable narrator.

 It’s easier to establish a narrator/character as unreliable if you’re writing using a third person perspective or switch perspectives throughout the story. However it is perfectly possible to do it from a first person perspective as well.

 I’ll come back to that in a moment but I’m going to start with things that I think will help no matter your writing style.

 The masterpost on common symptoms of torture is over here, and the post on memory problems specifically is over here.

 If you haven’t already take a look at both posts. There’s a lot of variation in survivors: we know the possible psychological symptoms but survivors don’t typically experience all possible symptoms. We don’t know why some individuals experience specific symptoms and others get different symptoms. Which means that as writers there’s a lot of scope to choose the symptoms your characters experience.

 You have multiple survivors here. The easy first step is to make sure they all have similar numbers of symptoms at similar levels of severity.

 I think it’s also worth having some overlap in what the characters experience.

 I don’t know how many character’s you’re planning to have but let’s say there are four, the one who survives clean torture and three others.

 Let’s say that the symptoms you pick out for the character who survived clean torture are: depression, panic attacks, learning difficulties and intrusive memories. (I picked these at random.)

 Showing variety in survivors is a good thing, so I wouldn’t suggest giving any of the friends exactly the same symptom pattern. But there’s no reason why one of them shouldn’t also have depression. The second could have panic attacks. The third might have learning difficulties and intrusive memories.

 This gives you a way to encourage the readers to question this character’s interpretation of events. They’re saying they didn’t suffer ‘enough’, however the reader should be able to see that each of their friends is going through something similar.

 If you’re writing from a third person perspective, or switching perspectives between the characters you can describe these symptoms in the same way for every character. Literally verbatim the same. Repeating it in this way should reinforce to the readers that this is the same thing and it’s just as serious for every character.

 No matter what the characters themselves think.

 Writing from first person perspective make things a little trickier but you still have a couple of options.

 The most straight forward is to have other characters call them out. It doesn’t have to be the other survivors doing this (though it can be). Doctors, friends, family, any character who has the opportunity to see all of these survivors afterwards and witness their symptoms can call bullshit on any one of them trying to downplay their own symptoms.

 Another option is having the friends talk, perhaps because the character who is downplaying their own symptoms is trying to be supportive. Having them sit there while their friend describes something that’s horribly familiar and letting them slowly come to that realisation on their own is a possibility. It would take a lot more time narratively.

 If these characters have access to medical treatment or mental health services afterwards that’s another good way to bring this up.

 People/characters can dismiss the opinions of experts. But this does very clearly tell the reader that clean torture is just as serious.

 You can also use these similar symptom patterns without any overt conversations on the subject. Describing characters with similar symptoms showing similar behaviours and coming up with similar coping strategies can help underline that they’re experiencing the same thing.

 For instance if you pick panic attacks as a symptom for the solitary survivor and one of the others, describing the way both of them flinch or freeze, the way they hyperventilate and shake. They could both (independently or together) discover that breathing exercises help.

 They could both go to the doctor (one saying they were tortured and the other complaining of vague chest pains and heart racing) and walk away with the same medication.

 Another possible approach is to pick out some symptoms during solitary and some long term symptoms afterwards that are… culturally regarded as more serious.

 Most cultures find it a lot harder to dismiss hallucinations (which solitary can cause) and self mutilation then things like depression and anxiety.

 I get the impression that in western cultures most people are primed to think of self harm as cutting. In reality there are a lot of behaviours people can engage in which leave them in pain and can cause serious injury. Repeatedly punching a wall for instance.

 Having this character walk into a clinic, hand bruised and swelling up, find they’ve broken several fingers- And then having the doctor, still looking at her clipboard casually say ‘How long have you been self harming?’ That can really drive home, for the reader and the character how serious this is.

 Self harm isn’t something that every writer is going to feel comfortable tackling. If you feel like it isn’t a good fit for your story and character then don’t use it.

 But the hallucinations that can occur during solitary confinement tend to stop once someone is out of solitary. Which let’s you put in a symptom that is usually taken seriously without it becoming long term.

 The hallucinations I’ve read about have been quite varied. The majority of them were unpleasant. A few were neutral. Many read a little like waking dreams. They varied in intensity from occasionally hearing voices in the pipes to fully blown immersive ‘worlds’.

 There are quite a few examples in Shalev’s Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement. It’s available free on line and there’s a link in my source’s page and in the masterpost on solitary.

 The final thing I have to suggest won’t necessarily be a fit for your story. I don’t suggest it very often. But there’s one kind of serious injury this sort of torture could cause that won’t necessarily be obvious straight away and would underline that these clean tortures were bloody serious.

 Brain damage.

 If someone is hit with a Taser or stun gun while standing then falling injuries can cause brain damage. Even mild brain damage can be incredibly debilitating.

 I’ve actually been working on a story with a character that has a mild brain injury and I’ve found this website incredibly helpful for describing the effects.

 Now the reasons this wouldn’t necessarily be a good fit is because brain damage can cause some pretty drastic behavioural and emotional changes. People with brain damage tend to be a lot more impulsive, have trouble identifying and controlling their emotions, difficulty communicating and planning. The list goes on. And it includes a lot of things that might make your character… Well something other then what you intended when you created them.

 If this kind of disability moves the character too far away from your conception of them you don’t have to use it.

 But they’re frightening words aren’t they? Brain damage. They underline the severity of the scenario in an undeniable way. Which makes it a possible answer to this writing problem.

 Wrapping up I think it’s important to consider the kind of plot, characters and character interactions you want when you choose your strategy.

 Some of these techniques work well together in a story. Some of them are probably better on their own.

 Hopefully there’s enough varied suggestions here that you can find a good fit for your story. :)

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[elentiyawhitethorn]

Sneaking Around | Chapter Fifteen

Lysandra’s caller ID showed up on Aelin’s phone, which she had in fact retrieved from Rowan’s earlier in the day. After a round of sex with Rowan, Aelin had eaten breakfast and walked over to pick up said phone (Rowan was too lazy to come with her), and driven back in her car.

Despite wanting to know what the hell was going on with Lysandra and Aedion, Aelin decided to wait until one of them said something to her. Which was happening now, at half past three.

“Hey Lys. Have a fun night?” Aelin couldn’t help but tease.

“Good gods yes. It was amazing.” Lysandra sounded out of breath.

Aelin answered with her usual snark, “Well good for you, darlin’, but seeing as you slept with my brother, I’d rather not hear the details.”

“Right. But holy fuck Aelin, guess what happened!”

“You two had sex. Woke up the next morning and confessed your undying love for each other. Raced into the bathroom to call me.”

Lysandra gasped. “What the hell, Aelin. Are you stalking me?”

Aelin giggled. “Oh, shit, I got it right, didn’t I? You are so predictable.”

Lys sighed. “I woke up next to him, and I laid there for a few seconds trying to figure out what the hell had happened, and then I remembered. And I looked over. And fuck, Lin, I didn’t know what to do. I debated running away, but I thought of what a coward I’d been for so long, so I poked him.” Aelin snorted here. “And he woke up and was all bleary and then he was like Oh! and then I just blurted, “I love you!” And he said it back! Fuck, who knew?”

“I know that’s supposed to be a rhetorical question, but everyone. Everyone knew.” Aelin was smirking.

“Whatever. And so I squealed and ran to the bathroom and called you. Like you said. Are you sure you don’t have cameras in here?” Lys asked.

“Yes, I do. To watch my best friend and my brother going at it,” Aelin responded dryly. “And seriously, you didn’t wake up until a few minutes ago? It’s after three.”

“Hush, I had a lot to drink. And now that I am aware of your relationship with Whitethorn, I need the details. Every freakin’ detail.”

“Maybe not on the phone when you’re camped out in my brother’s bathroom. Did you even put any clothes on?”

Lysandra snorted. “I’m too pretty for clothes.”

Aelin chuckled. “Go tell my brother he’s dumb for not making a move sooner. And shit, I owe him twenty bucks. Don’t mention that part, okay?”

A giggle escaped Lysandra. “I can’t believe you had to get him drunk and bribe him just to kiss me.”

“We Galathynius folk are always stubborn. I’m braver, though.”

Lys snorted. “You’re not wrong. Alright, thanks for the chat. Have a nice time with lover boy.”

“Oh trust me, honey, I will. Bye.”

The sound of the shower Rowan had been running stopped and a minute later he walked out in a towel. Aelin’s eyes drifted to his muscular chest. She’d had plenty of chances to look at it before, but there really was no limit to gazing at that chiseled glory.

“Like what you see?” Rowan asked teasingly.

She shamelessly replied without looking away, “Yep. And hate to break it to you, but I’m allowed to check you out; we’re dating.”

Rowan snorted and sauntered into Aelin’s bedroom. He came out a few seconds later in sweatpants and a t-shirt, basically the only thing in his wardrobe. He had brought a change of clothes with him a few days prior, and Aelin had done the same at his apartment.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“Whatever you make, dear,” Aelin replied sweetly. “And hurry, would you? I’m hungry.”

“You are wicked. But it’s Christmas Eve, so I’ll be nice.”

Aelin grinned. “For once.”

He just rolled his eyes at her and started looking through the cabinets, muttering about her abuse.

The “Christmas party” had taken place on the day before Christmas Eve, as most people didn’t want to spend Christmas Day with a bunch of drunken friends. Of the friends who didn’t travel for the holidays, Aelin and Aedion would be spending part of Christmas together as siblings. The rest Aelin would be with Rowan for. Hopefully Lys would see Aedion, but who could tell at this point? Manon liked to go out to bars on Christmas. “My favorite type of gay girl is the one who ditches everybody on the holiday to get a drink,” she always said. “The holidays are my favorite opportunities.” Everyone else always laughed at Manon’s antics.

Now, though, Aelin had a whole day to herself of Rowan.

-

After cereal for lunch (Rowan made a mean Cheerios bowl) and a Halloween movie (yes, on Christmas Eve - don’t judge), Aelin demanded Rowan take her on a walk.

“It’s snowing, Aelin.” Despite being late December, it hadn’t been very cold lately. Now, however, it was snowing in earnest. There was already an inch and a half on the ground and it was still going.

Aelin frowned. “That makes it even better. And remember, we need to work on your courage issues.”

Rowan scowled at her. “Enough of that.”

“It is enough when I say enough. Need I make a list of all your cowardly deeds? Let’s see; not wanting to go out in the snow now like a little baby, not telling Remelle to fuck off that one time, oh, and not asking me out for three fucking years? Also, jumping in the middle of Silence of the Lambs and-”

“Okay, that’s... we can go on a walk.”

“Yay!” Aelin brightened.

Rowan snorted. “You say that like you’re surprised. Did you ever have any doubt you’d get your way?”

“Of course not. It’s still exciting, though.”

Aelin dug through her closet, grabbing a coat, hat, scarf, and gloves. She got an extra of everything for Rowan except for the coat. Then Aelin pulled out one of her largest jackets, which happened to be neon pink, and held it beside Rowan’s towering figure. “Um, close enough?”

He sighed. “Better than freezing. I’ll take it.”

They walked down the stairs and outside. Aelin immediately started jumping around and squealing as she was pelted with snow.

“Who knew the fire-breathing bitch-queen turns into such a child in the snow?” Rowan was chuckling.

“Who doesn’t? Snow is fucking awesome.” Aelin grabbed Rowan’s arm and yanked him farther down the sidewalk and toward the park.

-

They spend the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening throwing snowballs and tackling each other into the snow. It was late when they entered Aelin’s apartment, took off their snow things, and ate a quick meal of pasta (neither could cook anything else). Finally, food was eaten.

“Rowan, darling,” Aelin purred.

“Yes?” he responded, a smirk on his face and an eyebrow quirked.

Aelin grinned. “It’s so cold. I was only wondering if you could be so kind as to warm me up?”

Rowan chuckled. “Anything for you, dear.” He hooked his arms under Aelin’s thighs and she instinctually wrapped her legs around his waist.

Aelin sucked on Rowan’s neck as he carried her to her bedroom. She felt satisfaction knowing it would definitely leave a mark.

Rowan placed her on the bed and climbed on top. Aelin smiled against his lips as he kissed her. “Not tonight,” she whispered, grabbing his hands before he could pull her pants off. Aelin then rolled over, pulling him with her. “I’m going to ride you tonight,” she breathed against Rowan’s neck. He let out a groan at the thought.

Rowan helped Aelin slide his sweatpants down, his underwear going with them, and he lifted his shirt off himself as Aelin stripped. Finally, they were both naked. Aelin leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom. She expertly rolled it onto Rowan. He gripped her thighs and she lowered herself onto him. They both let out a groan.

Aelin started rocking her hips, drawing more noises out of him. “Oh, Aelin,” Rowan moaned. “Aelin, I love you so much.”

“Everybody does, darlin’.” Rowan just growled and slammed his hips up to meet hers.

Aelin moaned loudly. “Oh, Ro.” She braced her hands on his shoulders and kept riding him.

She was soon climaxing. He flipped them over as she moaned his name. Rowan drove his hips into Aelin several times, hard. Before long, he also reached his peak, growling as he thrust into Aelin one last time.

They lay in a pile of tangled limbs, panting. “Fucking gods,” Aelin got out between breaths.

Rowan chuckled breathily. “Damn straight.”

-

Aelin woke up to darkness. She glanced over and checked her phone. 5:00 am.

“Rowan, wake up!” Aelin yelled.

He jolted. “What? Aelin, what’s wrong?”

She grinned at him. “It’s Christmas!”

Rowan frowned. “That’s all? No fire? No burglar?”

She frowned as well. “What’s wrong with you? It’s Christmas,” she repeated. Aelin climbed out of bed, wearing only a t-shirt she’d pulled on the night before. She dug through her drawers for a snowman shirt to change into, as well as pants and a pair of reindeer socks.

“What time is it?” Rowan grumbled.

“It’s five.” Aelin ignored his groan at this. “Which means it time to get up and celebrate.”

“I pity whoever raised you. You must have been even worse as a child. And it’s kind of hard to celebrate when it’s the early hours of the morning and I’m trying to sleep.”

Aelin scowled. “Whatever. I’m going to go make hot chocolate.”

-

She did indeed make hot chocolate. And sit by the window happily reading a book. By eight o’clock, Rowan shuffled into the kitchen.

Aelin grinned. “Merry Christmas.”

He snorted. “Merry Christmas, Aelin.” He came to where she sat and wrapped an arm around her. “I love you.”

Aelin hugged him back. “Me too, Ro.”

-

They had a few more hours to spend together before Aelin put on a pair of snow boots, grabbed her gift for Aedion, and tromped to his apartment.

“Why are you walking, Aelin?” he asked when she appeared on his doorstep. “Did you lose your car?”

“It’s Christmas, dear brother. It’s nice outside. And don’t even comment on my pajamas, they’re comfy.”

Aedion rolled his eyes at her and let her inside. Lysandra was sitting at the counter. She turned and grinned at Aelin. “Hey, Lin. Merry Christmas. I’ll leave you two to spend your sibling time together, but I have something for you first.”

Lys had gotten Aelin a box of chocolates, making her Aelin’s new favorite person. She in turn gave Lys an expensive lipstick Lysandra had been admiring a while ago, saying she had a feeling Lys might be here.

Hugs were exchanged, and then Lys went to a back room to give the siblings some space.

“Aed, you’re my favorite brother ever,” Aelin said, giving him a hug.

Aedion snorted. “Also your only brother, but I’ll take it.” He squeezed her back.

Aelin gifted him a pair of socks with little reindeers on them (to match her own socks), getting a new series of books in return. She was an avid reader, and loved adding to her collection. Aelin stayed for several hours, then said goodbye to him and Lysandra, who were shyly smiling at each other every time their eyes met. Good grief.

Finally, she made it back to her own apartment. Upon opening the door, Aelin was greeted with Christmas lights strung all along the walls and a minature plastic tree in the middle of the room. Aelin gasped. “Ohmigosh, Rowan, did you do this?”

He was leaning against the counter smirking. “No, it was the elves.”

Aelin walled over to him and punched him in the bicep. For once, he didn’t say ‘ow.’ They were making progress. He did complain, though. “Um, you’re welcome? Also, I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to do under mistletoe.”

Aelin looked up. Taped to the cabinet above him was indeed a strand of mistletoe. She rolled her eyes at his antics, then leaned forwards and placed a gentle kiss upon him lips. He tried to pull her in for more, but Aelin just backed away and said, “You’ll get the rest later. Now, I’m going to give you a present.”

She went to her room, put away her new books and candy, got a wrapped gift out from under her bed, and walked back into the living room. Rowan was waiting, a gift of his own on the counter next to him.

Grinning, Aelin handed him the present. He looked suspiciously at it, then unwrapped it.

And rolled his eyes at what was inside.

“I thought you needed to spice your wardrobe up a little,” Aelin said with a devious grin. He snorted, holding up the red sweater with a Christmas tree on the front. Actual minature lights were strung around the torso. They lit up when you pressed a button.

Rowan chuckled. “I love it.” He slung it on over his t-shirt and pressed the on switch. Suddenly, the light bulbs were glowing, making him look like he tripped and got tangled in a pile of Christmas lights.

He handed Aelin her present. She opened it to reveal a box of chocolates. Lys had given her the same thing, but there never was enough candy. She squealed.

Rowan smirked. “I take it you like it? Look inside.”

Curious, Aelin opened the lid to find... chocolates. And then seeing the custom order sticker on the lid she realized: “Rowan, you got me all my favorites! How did you even know which chocolates I like?”

He grinned. “Milk chocolate, pecan, almond, caramel. I’ve been paying attention. Also, the extra five dollars was worth not seeing you scowl at all of the assorted coconut.”

Aelin smiled. “They always put so many coconut candies in there and I hate them. They’re disgusting. Thank you so much, Ro. I’m warning you, though, they aren’t going to last very long.”

“I didn’t think they would,” Rowan said with a smirk. “I’ve seen you devour a large KitKat in seconds. I’ll admit, it was a little frightening.”

Aelin snorted. “I got you something else, too.” She pulled a smaller gift out of her pocket, wanting the extra one to be a surprise.

He opened it and pulled out an ornament with the inscription A + R. Aelin smiled nervously. “Perhaps a little presumptuous, but...”

Rowan looked up at Aelin and smiled widely. “Thank you, Aelin. It’s great.” He leaned down and kissed her softly. She tried to deepen the kiss, but Rowan pulled back and said, “You’ll get the rest later,” mocking her words from earlier.

Aelin tried to scowl, but it faded as Rowan walked over to the mini tree and carefully placed the ornament on a plastic branch. “Where exactly were you planning on putting this? You didn’t know I got you a tree.”

She grinned. “Planning that would have required forethought, which I do not have.”

Rowan snorted. “At least you admit it. I got you another present too.” He picked up a small box off the counter that Aelin hadn’t noticed before.

Aelin opened the box to find a necklace. She opened the locket on the end to see A + R. “We got the same inscription,” Aelin said, laughing. “It’s beautiful, Rowan.” She handed it to him and turned, pulling her hair over one shoulder.

She heard Rowan unclasp it and then he gently placed the necklace around her neck, clipping it in the back.

Aelin turned back around and lifted her hands to his face. “Merry Christmas, Rowan.”

He placed his hands on her waist and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “Merry Christmas.”

[reneesi]

i never would have thought // CH.09

WRITTEN PORTION

“Pic-nic! Pic-nic! Pic-nic YAY!” (Y/n) chanted out in glee, practically floating as she skipped atop the gravel path. Yachi giggled at the display, linking her free arm with (Y/n) and shooting her a toothy grin. 

The three Karasuno volleyball managers had been planning a girls day for a couple weeks, and this was the first free Saturday since (Y/n)’s photoshoot. They had set out on a quest to have a sunlit lunch beneath the trees. Yachi, carrying a blanket under her arm, had dressed up in a white sundress and left her hair down. In contrast Kiyoko was sporting a long brown patterned skirt and a black tank top, her slender fingers were wrapped around the handle of a round picnic basket. (Y/n) had been charged with bringing the drinks, hence the kitty cat backpack draped across her shoulders. She’d brought ramune and completed the trio’s aesthetic with a midi dress and white t-shirt underneath. 

When they’d found a quiet spot under a large tree that provided some semblance of shade, the three worked together to set up their picnic. Ten minutes later they sat on a soft pastel checkered blanket, drinking cold soda, and relaxing under the shreds of sunlight peeking through the leaves above. 

“I should have brought my camera.” (Y/n) sighed longingly, a content smile splayed across her features.

“We can always take pictures on our cell phone Hinata-chan!” Yachi piped up.

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just so beautiful here.” (Y/n) sung, leaning back into her arms which were placed out behind her, providing support. She let the lids of her eyes fall shut as her head tipped back lazily, enjoying the weather which felt absolutely divine. 

The heat was starting to become more bearable given that fall was right around the corner, but the sun still shone just as bright, leaving a warm residue in the afternoon air. Gentle breeze blew through the grass, running its slick fingers through the field and up to (Y/n)’s hair, cooling the sweat that threatened to build at the nape of her neck. As (Y/n) sat there, eyes closed and listening to the grass blades jostle against one another, Yachi and Kiyoko launched into a quiet conversation about club duties and then Sugawara and Daichi’s relationship. It was calm and easy, both speaking only words of kindness in low peaceful tones. 

“How long have they been dating?” (Y/n) asked, cutting in as her feet finally touched back down to earth.

“About three months I think, but they’ve both had feelings for a long time,” Kiyoko smiled.

“I'm so glad they finally did start dating, they make such a good couple!” Yachi gushed, clasping her hands together “But I can't imagine what the confession must have been like, confessions have always made me too nervous!” 

Yachi’s hands flew up to hold her cheeks as they flushed red at the mere thought of such confrontation, Kiyoko giggled along. 

“Yeah, confessing sounds stressful.” (Y/n) pondered aloud, tapping at her chin.

“Is there someone you have in mind?” Kiyoko inquired innocently, cocking her head slightly to the side. (Y/n) looked back in confusion.

“In mind..?” she repeated, still perplexed.

“Someone you ‘wouldn’t’ want to confess to!” Yachi giggled, scooting closer to (Y/n) and shooting her a suggestive smirk. (Y/n) felt her cheeks grow warm, sure that the pink on her features would only spread if the conversation continued.

“I-I.. well not, I mean-“ (Y/n) tried. She kept her gaze lowered towards her hands, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

“Aww it’s okay Hinata-chan! We were just teasing, sorry!” Yachi laughed, scratching the back of her head sheepishly.

“No, no! I mean, what I was trying to say before is that there isn’t anyone that I’m interested in right now! At all!” (Y/n) finally spluttered out, a little louder and a lot more aggressive than she’d intended.

“What about Tsukishima?” Kiyoko asked evenly, soft tones failing to cushion the bluntness of her sudden inquiry.

 (Y/n) paused for a moment, thinking back to the conversation of the previous night. Even if she had somehow started to develop any sort of feelings it didn’t really matter since she couldn’t tell if Tsukishima actually even wanted to be friends. He was always so confusing..

Finally, (Y/n) shook her head.

“We’re just friends.” She assured, face calming back to its gentle rosy cream. Kiyoko studied her for a moment before nodding.

“You guys seem to be getting along much better lately.” Kiyoko smiled lightly, easing herself down to lay on her side. 

“I hope so... the truth is I can’t blame you guys for thinking there might have been something there on my part.” (Y/n) laughed diffidently, “I was just always so nervous that he’d hate me so I ended up getting all tense and acting weird around him.... hopefully he didn’t notice.”

(Y/n) let out a long sigh.

“Why would you think he might hate you?” Yachi asked, confusion dotting her words.

“He’s just so far away from everyone. Back home things were so different, and I guess I got accustomed to reading people a certain way. So when he was all cold I thought I'd... I dunno, done something wrong..?” (Y/n) shrugged, Kiyoko nodded thoughtfully.

“That makes more sense, and you really don’t have to tell us but what exactly was back home... like?” Kiyoko questioned hesitantly. She’d taken her time to ask the question in a way that was sweetened and less direct, hoping to create the least amount of discomfort. Regardless, (Y/n)’s shoulders tended slightly.

“It was...” She trailed off, as Yachi reached over and placed a comforting hand on her thigh.

“It’s okay, you really don’t have to say,” Yachi said softly. (Y/n) shook her head and continued

“No it’s okay. It was just a completely different world. I’ve never really talked about it, and I’m not sure how much Shoyo has told you guys, but I grew up in a really... wealthy... family.” (Y/n) paused, averting her eyes. 

She always hated talking about that part of herself, the part that made people uncomfortable and the environment shift into a stiff stillness that never had the room for friendly connection. The same type of air that suffocated her to near death back home. The silence began to weigh down into her spine, so (Y/n) continued.

“The culture, it’s j-just really different.. and well my parents wanted me to be something.. someone that I wasn’t. They wanted me to dress a certain way, act like I was perfect, and just let people walk all over me. And I just didn’t want that, so I kinda took every opportunity to show them that.” (Y/n) laughed to herself reaching up to touch her long brown locks instinctively. 

“That’s actually why I dyed my hair brown,” she continued “in rebellion. And I did a bunch of other stupid things like rip up clothes and wear make up I knew they’d hate. Mostly though, I would argue with them... and one day they kind of realized I wasn’t gonna give up and I think my Mom.. she realized I was really unhappy..” 

“I-i’m really sorry (Y/n)..” Yachi said quietly. (Y/n) looked up and met her eyes, forcing a smile.

“It’s okay, don’t be. I’m here now and I’m really really happy! Happier than I’ve ever been!” (Y/n) smiled wide and held up a thumbs up 

“We’re glad you’re here too.” Kiyoko said softly as Yachi leaned to lay her head across (Y/n)’s lap. (Y/n) stroked through the stands of blonde lovingly.

“That’s why I wanted everyone to like me so much. I never really felt like I fit in back home.. everyone wanted that lifestyle of fake smiles and champagne.. I..” (Y/n) furrowed her brows, 

“I just wanted to be free.” She said definitively, looking up to find Kiyoko’s approving smile still beaming her way.

“How did you convince them to let you come?” Yachi asked suddenly, pulling (Y/n)’s eyes back down to her lap.

“We made a deal. They agreed to let me stay here through highschool as long as I go to the college they choose and marry the person they want me to.” (Y/n) explained, light disappointment visible through the cracks of her syllables.

“(Y/n)...” Yachi whispered, big teary eyes peering up at the brunette as Yachi reached up to touch (Y/n)’s face. (Y/n) smiled placing her own hand over Yachi’s which now rested against her cheek. 

“It’s okay,” (Y/n) said, glancing up at Kiyoko who was giving her a similar look of sympathy “Really!”

“I've never really believed in love much so it’s not like I was waiting around for my soul mate.” (Y/n) reassured.

“But what if you meet someone and-“ Yachi spoke up

“I just wanna have fun while I’m here and try to make the most of it.” (Y/n) cut her off, smiling softly in such a way that Yachi and Kiyoko quickly understood the topic wasn’t open for discussion. Kiyoko began talking about college applications and careers and the weight of vulnerability finally began to wear off of (Y/n)’s shoulders. As the trio fell back into their easy jokes and conversations they pulled out trays of sushi and dried seaweed, giggling in unison as they shared light hearted memories. 

Eventually, when the sky had turned into a sea of warm colors and fluffy watercolor clouds, (Y/n) felt a buzz in her pocket. She was forced to pull away from the conversation and check her text messages.

“Who’s it from?” Yachi asked, leaning over (Y/n)’s shoulders to peer at her screen.

“It’s Noya-senpai he said to look behind-“

“KIYOKO!!!!” A bellow erupted over the outstretched field behind (Y/n), as stampeding footsteps grew louder. The three managers snapped their heads towards the sudden noise, eyes wide, as three figures came into view. 

“HINATA-CHAN!!” Nishinoya screamed, a geeky smile splashed across his lips feeding up to the crinkles in his eyes. Faux tears were streaming from Tanka and Nishinoya as they ran towards the trio at full speed, arms outstretched before them. Behind them Yamaguchi was carrying a volleyball looking sheepish, a light blush tinting his cheeks as he waved a small hello. 

(Y/n) began to stand only to be tackled to the ground by both Nishinoya and Tanaka. She screamed as they trapped her in an overbearing hug.

“You idiots that hurt!” She laughed, pushing them off of her as she sat up and bonked both their heads simultaneously. They immediately wrapped their arms around her once more.

“We missed yOU SO MUCH!!” Nishinoya cried.

“We were just too jealous of your picnic, we couldn’t help but crash it!!” Tanaka wept, pulling away and leaning back to look at Kiyoko.

“Please don’t be mad~” He said to her, giving the upperclassmen puppy dog eyes. Kiyoko bit back a smile and maintained her aloofness, even if barely so.

“Don’t look at me, this picnic was Hinata-chan’s idea.” She said matter of factly, Tanaka turned back to (Y/n).

“C'mon please leT US STAY WE JUST WANNA BE WITH OUR PRECIOUS MANAGERS!” Tanaka bawled, throwing his arms around (Y/n) yet again. She sighed in feigned annoyance.

“Hi hi Hinata-chan, Kiyoko-senpai, Yachi-san.” Yamaguchi cut in, finally catching up to his friends under the tree. He placed the volleyball down gently before taking a seat next to Yachi, bumping her shoulder lightly with a smile. (Y/n)’s heart surged and she bit her lip to conceal the smile threatening to burst out.

“Fineee, you guys can stay.” She sighed, drawing it out a little too much. Tanaka and Nishinoya rejoiced, jumping to their feet as they chanted on about being accepted into the “managers only” hang out. The six team mates sat under golden sunlight, cracking jokes and chatting mindlessly until the sun set. 

That is until Nishinoya’s energy got the best of him and he and Tanaka insisted on showing (Y/n) how to receive and serve. Which might have been a great idea if Tanka and Nishinoya weren’t such terrible teachers. In the end Yamaguchi went home with a bruise on his head and (Y/n) vowed to never touch a volleyball again. She swore everyone to secrecy over Yamaguchi’s injury, praying that Tsukishima wouldn’t find out and kill her over it. Too bad Yamaguchi was a terrible liar.

CH.09 II pic-nic date!!

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MASTERLIST

Tagslist: @domtamaki​ @kodzu-ken​ @clowninfortodoroki​ @kageyamasbabygorl​ @miya-yume​ @chaelysian​ @kittyddandnyla​ @chaseyui​ @it-was-just-a-ship​ @melanie09astrid​ @naorii-chan​ @chaoticalybiased​ @saltyteefff​ @aristatrois​ @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire​ @raineedayze​

[lovelivingmydreams]

The blame game

@sanderssides-secretsanta for @averykedavra

Rating: PG

Pairings: whatever you want. Any actions can be read as platonic or romantic I’m not telling you how to enjoy this fic. Aka I couldn't pic.

Hurt comfort

Triggers: hospital, injury, pain, burns, coma, mention of abduction

Summary: A couple of years ago people disappeared. And then months later they started showing up again. Some escaping, some being freed. No one knew what exactly went on in those months. All evidence was destroyed before answers could be found and the victims were unwilling to testify. Until one group, the first to break free, showed up when a building collapsed and used incredible abilities to save the day. They spoke out about what had happened, and swore themselves to serve and protect the public interest.

Time went on and now the victims that all had gained some type of power are accepted into society. The team is still doing what they can to save others and protect each other. This story takes place during what should've been a routine mission.

“We have to finish up. Under current circumstances we have 3.4 minutes until the building collapses.”

“I did a sweep, I didn’t hear anyone calling out and no heartbeats. Pat can you feel anyone?”

“No kiddo, it seems all clear on my end too.”

“Marvelous. Jan how is our cover holding up?”

“I’m fine Roman. I can hold it for a few more minutes.”

“Remus do you have yourself together?”

“All bits and pieces accounted for Bro! Though Jan can always check later to make sure.”

“And that’s enough. I’m taking you first.”

“Virgin! So forward!”

“If you upset him Remus, I swear to god!”

“Relax RoRo…”

…

“I’m back. Come on popstar. They are getting closer, we have to hurry.”

“Maybe take Lo first… If I’m too far I can’t…”

“It’s just for a minute Padre.”

The connection fell away. Indicating Virgil had indeed brought Patton out of range.

“Two more minutes,” Logan stated as he joined Janus at the street side of the shop they were hiding in.

“I am sooo glad the looters came to cause extra chaos. I was just thinking that evacuating the citizens from earthquake shaken buildings wasn’t enough of a challenge,” Janus grumbled annoyed.

“We shall deal with them once we are all outside,” Roman assured him as he too joined them.

“Next passenger please,” Virgil announced as he came to a halt right behind Roman, making him jump.

“Stop doing that!” he demanded.

“Only if you stop being funny when I do,” he teased while picking up Logan.

“This never seizes to be mildly embarrassing,” Logan huffed displeased. Being carried out bridal style by their youngest member was a little awkward for everyone. Well except for Remus. But he wasn’t bothered by anything. “Do you prefer a piggy back ride?” Virgil teased.

The circumstances that led to the formation of their team had been far from pleasant. Virgil especially still had nightmares and flashbacks. But they all enjoyed the power sets they were given. Though if they could choose they’d do without the trauma. The only thing they wouldn’t give up for that was each other.

“And you all secretly like being held,” Virgil insisted before taking off. Roman and Janus exchanged a glance wondering if Virgil was just teasing or if he actually could tell that they appreciated the rare opportunity to have Virgil actually welcome physical closeness.

They all were pretty close after everything. And any awkwardness about being emotionally vulnerable around one another had gone out the window long ago. Still Virgil felt the need to act tough to make them not worry about him. It didn't work, but he still tried.

“I better get going. I’m not fond of Logan’s ticking clock,” Roman stated.

“Yeah, I’ll give us a little more cover. V only needs 10 seconds to get me out anyway.” Jan didn’t want to risk the rioters seeing them now. There was no telling what they’d do.

Roman nodded and started to sprint to the exit.

Janus turned away, but then his heart stopped when he heard a crashing sound and a pained outcry.

“Roman!” Virgil gasped behind him.

“I’m fine, get J. I’ll-” Roman cut himself off with a loud curse.

“You hurt your ankle,” Virgil concluded. Janus looked back and watched as the young hero gathered Roman in his arms. “J I’ll be back for you soon okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer.

Janus considered just dropping the illusion of an empty trashed store with faulty wiring and make his way to the back to meet Virgil halfway. But the rioters were hot on their heels now. He couldn’t risk anyone following them. Not that anyone would be able to once Virgil had him. But if anyone was inside when the building gave out…

Suddenly something flew through a window. A flaming bottle? Janus could see it heading to an isle with cleaning products. He realized what was about to happen at the same time that he saw Virgil return and hesitate upon detecting something moving in his peripheral.

Janus acted without thinking. He dropped the illusion and tackled Virgil to the ground.

Janus moved to cover Virgil’s body with his own. There was an infinite fraction of a second of blinding pain. He never even registered the sound of the explosion. Just pain and then darkness.

He heard the murmuring and the zooming and beeping of machines. He felt disoriented. What happened…?

“Come on J. Please wake up,” Patton? He sounded like he’d been crying.

“Patton I… I don’t think…” Logan’s voice. Not quite as steady and certain as he normally sounded.

“Don’t finish that sentence! He has to wake up! I don’t know what we’re supposed to do if he… If he…” Patton started sobbing, the sounds muffled by something. That wasn’t right. Janus tried to open his eyes but it was hard.

“I can’t… We are supposed to stick together… and he… And then Virgil…”

Virgil? Suddenly Janus remembered. No. Virgil had to be fine. He made sure of that right?

Janus forced his eyes open and found Patton clinging to Logan’s frame on his right. Remus sitting uncharacteristically quiet and still behind them.

He blinked a few times. Something was off. His sight… And why did his face feel weird… Everything felt weird.

“Hi,” was all he was able to force out of his throat.

Remus perked up, Patton and Logan nearly jumped at the unexpected sound. All of them had bloodshot eyes. He’d expected as much from Patton. He was in a hospital and something was going on with Virgil. But it took a lot for Logan and Remus to cry.

“Janus,” Logan breathed as they all gathered at his bedside. Logan grabbed his hand to squeeze it. Janus squeezed back and felt Logan relax instantly.

“Wha…” Janus tried, hoping he managed to bring across the pleading tone he intended despite the pain in his throat keeping him from saying much.

“You’ve been unconscious for the past month. There were several operations and you have only been breathing on your own for the past 21 hours and 28 minutes.” That explained the pain in his throat.

“Pat? Eyes…” he asked. He was burned. He was no idiot. He just wanted to know how bad and Patton could show him.

“I don’t know Jan…” Patton bit his lip looking at Logan for help. Their academic friend nodded in agreement.

“There is… Someone like us on staff. We were to alert her once you’d awoken so she could heal you up some more. It is probably best not to distress you until she has,” Logan urged.

So it was really bad. “Call…” he managed. Maybe then he would be able to talk better afterwards.

“Very well…” Logan pressed a button.

“Re… V…” Remus didn’t do sugarcoating. He would tell him no matter how bad…

“Roman is watching the Emo. We’ll all go to see them together soon,” Remus murmured. Now Janus was getting really worried. What was going on? Remus was never this… restrained.

“Remus. We have all repetitively told you, you did not delay Virgil in any way,” Logan insisted sternly.

“Yeah Rem. None of us think you did anything wrong that day. And I’m sure Jan and V would agree.”

Wait, why hadn't. Virgil told him to stop moping yet? Why wasn’t he here? Why did he need someone to watch over him?

“I should have sat still. I knew we had little time left. Instead I made Virgil slow his step to make sure he didn't drop me.”

“We all delayed him in our own way Remus. It was a collection of circumstances. If anything, I should have taken the violent nature of the rioters into account and adjusted my timeframe accordingly.

We all relied too much on my prediction and…”

“Don’t you start that again. I could have tried to get a feel of the crowd and told you. Then you might've known there was a risk too consider!” Patton protested.

“Patton you couldn’t have possibly…”

“It’s my job Lo! I should look after all of you guys. I’m the one who keeps us happy and together and now everyone is sad and… and…” Patton was shaking with sobs again. Only now did Janus remember that when Patton was tired (physically or emotionally) his empathic ability played up without him wanting to. His telepathic link on the other became much harder to establish under such circumstances. Which meant that while Patton couldn’t find comfort in linking with the others, his usual coping tool for anything bad going on, he felt his own feelings on top of everyone else’s unfiltered.

Logan seemed to realize this too. “Patton, I’m sorry. I should have realized. You need not burden yourself with our guilt as well as your own. Please, please forgive me this oversight?” he asked with a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder, the other still holding Janus’.

Patton gave a small tired smile. “It’s not your fault Lo… You guys don’t have to repress your own feelings just for me. We are all a bit stressed out and…”

“Pardon me?” Everyone immediately looked to the door. Well everyone except Janus who couldn’t turn his head very well. But he got there.

His left eye still was not right but he could discern a figure at the door. Hopefully this person was the one who could get him out of this bed so he could finally get answers.

“Ah. Doctor Laffeye. Thank you for coming. As you can see Janus has woken up. Could you…?”

The figure came closer and seemed to look down at Janus.

“Hello. Elena Lafeye, she/her… Your eye isn’t doing so well it seems.” She sounded kind and disappointed by her observation. That wasn't good.

“No See…” he croaked.

“And your troath probably feels pretty painful too. I’m going to do my best to help the healing process along. But I find that I get the best result in several sessions rather than one go. You just tell me when it starts to feel painful. That might indicate that I am rushing some stitches or something like that. Sometimes the body just protests being forced to heal. It is important that you are honest, or it’ll be worse in the end okay?”

Janus felt frustrated, what was the point of a healing ability if it couldn't get him back to normal right away? But, if he could get well enough to get out of the room to wherever Roman and Virgil were... Then that was enough right?

“Kay,” he promised.

“Good. I have told this to your friends, but I’ll repeat it to you. Thank you. For speaking out about it all. You guys make life much easier for the rest of us. Thank you.”

Janus thought she sounded sincere, but he could not see her face clearly enough to be sure.

“No prob…” No, that was as far as he got.

“Top to bottom then,” she said. It was not a question.

Janus expected Remus to laugh or make a joke, but he didn’t and that was terrifying. Did he really feel that responsible? Or did he look so terible that even Remus couldn't make light of the situation?

“Here we go.”

It started with a light tingling sensation in his left eye. It became warm and then it was kind of like a static… “Stop,” he croaked as he forcibly shut his eye when the first sting occurred.

When he opened his eye though he could see improvement. It wasn’t as sharp as he was used to. But he no longer felt like he was half blind.

“Wow, it looks a lot better!” Patton exclaimed, probably trying to assure Janus. Sadly Janus could only think about how Patton didn't say he was back to normal.

“I am going to focus on your face now,” the doctor warned and the tingling started again.

“Stop,” Janus rasped again when it started to feel like a web of glowing hot wires was put against his skin.

“Okay. I’ll move on to your throat. This shouldn’t hurt as much considering most of the trauma from the accident has healed on it’s own. Any damage left now is from the breathing and feeding tube. This is just to make you more comfortable with speaking.”

This time the doctor stopped before Janus got even a little uncomfortable.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“Well…” That didn’t hurt. “Better. Thank you.”

“Good. Now… Let’s see if we can get you well enough to leave the bed alright? I’m sure you’d like to check in on your other friends as well.”

Yes! Please, let me see them. “Okay.”

The doctor took in a deep breath and the warm sensation kept traveling up and down the left side of his body. From his fingertips to his shoulder, through his torso, down his leg to his toes and back.

Up and down, over and over again.

“S… Stop please,” he gasped when the warmth started to burn.

“Okay… how does that feel? Can you try and sit up?”

Janus blinked. Right, he’d stayed put so far. To be fair even moving his head had been exhausting a few minutes ago.

“Um… Yeah,” he murmured as he carefully moved his arms. His left stung a bit, but it was manageable. He’d deal with it if it meant they’d go to see Virgil.

“Carefull Jan!” Patton pleads as he frantically flayed his hands around wanting to push him down but scared to touch.

“It’s alright sir. I think he’s got it,” the doctor stated soothingly. Once Janus sat up the doctor nodded satisfied and left with the promise of checking on them again in an hour.

“Patton. Will you show me now?” Janus asked as soon as they were left alone.

“I…”

“Please. I need to know,” he pleaded. He could feel something wasn’t right with his body. He was too much of a coward to simply look down though. He told himself he wanted to see the full picture. That he wanted to see what the public would see when he inevitably would be swarmed by reporters. But honestly, he hoped that if he looked through Patton's eyes he wouldn't hate what he’d see as much.

Patton once again turned to the others. Remus squirmed, avoiding his eyes. Logan sighed and squeezed Patton’s shoulder, encouraging him to turn to him.

"He will only get more stressed by not knowing. We can hardly keep him away from reflective surfaces. Best he sees it when he has a chance to mentally prepare." With that Logan's steady gaze directed itself towards Janus.

"You were burned on the entire left side of your body. There were many skin transplants performed to help save your life. Are you really ready to see yourself?"

Janus wasn't sure if he was. But he knew he had to see.

He gave them a firm nod.

Patton sighed resigned to the decision "Ok... 3, 2... 1."

Janus struggled not to scream out in horror. The man he saw trough Patton's eyes wasn't him. The left side of his body was an awful patchwork. It couldn't be. And this was after accelerated healing?

"Is... is this why Roman and Virgil aren't here?" he asked with a shaking voice. He wasn't sure how he'd feel if the answer was yes.

"No! No of course not!" Paton exclaimed. It should have been a relief. But if they weren't avoiding him...

"Then... why? What happened?"

Silence filled the room.

"Patton was linked with the rest of us," Remus started, his voice unnervingly... normal.

"When the explosion went of... you know how we sometimes link up subconsciously. We all blanked for a second due to the pain." So he'd sent out an SOS...

And everyone had felt what did this to him...

“But Roman… He shot in action. By the time we realized you two were in danger he was already back at the building. He told us he found you two buried under some rubble. You were on top of Virgil who wasn’t burned at all, but he was unconscious. Roman managed to wake him up though and… Well we finally found out what happens when ‘survival’,” their nickname for Virgil’s power set, “Is pushed to the limit. Virgil told Roman to pick you up and next thing Roman knew you were all back with us and Virgil collapsed from overexertion.”

Patton and Logan nodded. “The doctors say he pushed his muscles so hard that they broke a few bones. There were hairline fractures all over. And… He still hasn’t woken up,” Patton explained sadly.

“Roman aggravated his injury going after you two, but he couldn't be made to care about his own recovery. He has refused to leave Virgil's side unless he knew one of us took his place. We’ve been taking turns to let him freshen up and visit you. Well Patton and Remus have. Apparently my care was unsatisfactory. Who knows what is going on in his head,” Logan added. Clearly still a little hurt by whatever had led to that decision, and frustrated by what must have been countless fruitless attempts to get Roman to listen to the doctors.

Janus could easily imagine why their theaterloving friend might be acting that way. Roman had declared himself to be their leader. Despite not being the oldest or most experienced in anything. It had been his idea to save people thought. And they all understood that he felt responsible for putting them on this path.

His guilt must run deep.

“I have to go see them,” Janus stated. This time everyone nodded without even a second’s hesitation.

“You won’t be able to walk on your own just yet. Even without your injuries, your muscles haven’t been used in a month. They will have to rebuild strength through physical therapy,” Logan informed him while Patton pulled up a wheelchair.

“I have used the past month to learn how to help you get settled without hurting you. I assumed you would prefer that over a nurse,” he added.

Janus smirked. “Oh no, I was totally hoping some random person would be yanking my body around.”

The other chuckled. “We missed you Jan,” Patton smiled warmly.

And Janus could feel how sincere he was. He could only really smile with his right side, so even when he tried to do it sincerely it probably looked like a smirk. So he gave his friends more of the humor they’d been missing. “I’d say I missed you to. But… I didn’t.”

He could feel the chuckle vibrate trough Logan’s chest as he carefully maneuvered him into the wheelchair.

Patton put himself in charge of steering him while Remus and Logan walked on either side of him, like they were escorting someone powerful or famous. And technically, Janus was both. They all were. They just tended to forget that around one another.

But it became rather apparent when they left the room and there were two armed police officers stationed in front of the door.

“We are going to see Instinct now. You may try to stop us, but it’ll only waste 13minutes and 29 seconds of all of our time before we convince you to let us trough. At the most.” Logan stated. He said it so firmly that anyone who didn’t know him would assume he knew this as a fact thanks to his predictive reasoning. But Janus, and the others surely too, could tell that he was lying. Meaning the guards might be able to stand their ground if they chose to do so.

But as no one bet against Logan’s predictions the guards stepped aside and let them trough.

There were guards in front of the room next to them too. These two however stepped aside right away.

Remus opened the door and they could hear Roman’s voice.

“I’ll let you pick the movies for a month. I won’t ever complain about your loud music again. I’ll admit I’m a big idiot! You can even have that in writing. Just please… Please V… I can’t… We can’t lose you.”

Janus’ heart ached. Their friends had gone through hell the past month.

Patton rolled Janus inside and he felt tears jump to his eyes. Well at least his tear ducts worked.

Roman was holding Virgil’s limp hand in his own. His head resting in the crook of his arm on the bed as he gazed up at their friend’s sleeping face. He was sitting in what looked like a very uncomfortable chair and had yet to realize he had company. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a mess.

Janus and Roman were easily the vainest in the group. They knew this and accepted this about themselves. They often bonded over fashion and the sorts.

Logan came closest, though he did not care for fashion or anything like that. He just carefully maintained a professional appearance at all times.

The others didn’t seem to live in the same world when it came to caring for ones appearance. Except for Remus he was from a different universe.

And yet here both theatric, normally impeccably groomed men were. Absolute messes.

“You look terrible,” Janus drawled casually. Because there is no right way to draw attention to your presence in these circumstances.

Roman looked up, his eyes wide, a small ghost of a smile, a tiny spark in his eyes as he took him in.

Well at least his new look didn’t gross him out. Then again, he had apparently seen him look worse.

“I mean, so do I. But I was in a coma for a month. What is your excuse?”

Now the smile did break free, though the spark turned into silent tears. Janus would take it.

He could see Roman was struggling with the desire to come over and check on him and the need to stay close to Virgil.

Luckily Patton rode Janus over to be right in front of Roman so he wouldn’t have to choose.

He turned in his seat, switching Virgil’s hand from his right to his left so he could place his now freed hand gently on the scarred side of Janus’ face. Janus gasped in awe. Leave it to Roman to know, to understand, that Janus needed someone to treat his ruined half as if nothing had changed.

Roman angled Janus’ head and his own so that their foreheads touched.

“Welcome back,” he whispered.

“Good to be back,” Janus responded, feeling an immense weight fall of his chest.

Roman sat back up again, now holding Janus’ hand instead of his face.

“I hope, though I do not deserve such a gift, that you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”

And there it was. “For forgetting how to use a brush?” Janus scoffed.

Roman’s eyes flashed in annoyance. “This is no laughing matter! If I hadn’t tripped you and Virgil would have both been out of the building when that bomb went off! If anyone had ended up in the hospital it would have been me and rightfully so! I have no right to be left with nothing but a fractured ankle! It even healed over by now. Virgil however won’t be fully better for months! Even if he wakes up! And you… You could have died! We were told to prepare for… And the doctors don’t know why Virgil hasn’t woken up yet… and… and… I should’ve protected you both I…” Roman was full on sobbing now.

“Kiddo, no…” Patton whispered weakly.

“Don’t be stupid Romano. Anyone else would’ve waited for the V train and ended up caught in the blast as well or something,” Remus argued.

“Indeed. And there is always a chance that Virgil would have stopped to pick you up anyway and took a moment to tease you before taking you away. You know he likes carrying ‘the prince’ like a princess. You are his favorite to ‘whisk away’. There are an infinite amount of things that still could have gone wrong,” Logan reasoned earnestly.

Roman looked around at them in surprise. “But… I…” Then he stopped himself and allowed himself a chuckle.

“I guess… You all have some good points,” he sighed before letting go of Janus’ hand and turning back towards the bed. Switching his hands once more before dragging his left trough his hair and rubbing his eyes. “Now if only…”

“Tell me someone took a picture of the prince as a pauper.”

When they heard that everyone shot up in attention, except for Janus who didn’t have the strength to do more much more than hold his position right now. But he too turned his head to the bed where Virgil was blinking his eyes as he tried to take everyone in.

“You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he chuckled. Then his eyes landed on Janus and widened.

Janus prepared himself. Last time Virgil saw him he didn’t even have so much as a freckle to tarnish his complexion. Now…

“J? Are you… Does it hurt?” he asked tentatively.

Well… No point in lying. “I’ve felt better,” but he didn’t have to be too honest either.

“Well… For what it’s worth, I think you look wicked. And anyone who has a problem is going to have to deal with me… umph!”

Roman had had enough of sitting around and was embracing Virgil.

“You are awake!” He exclaimed in relieve.

“Okay… Um… How long…?”

“A month,” Logan supplied as he came to stand at Virgil’s other side and ran his hand affectionately trough his hair. “You have a few broken bones that have yet to fully heal and a lot of physical therapy ahead, but now that you are awake, rest assured that you will make a full recovery.”

Virgil nodded in understanding.

“Princey? Can you let go of me now?” he asked.

“I don’t think any of us are ready for that kiddo,” Patton stated trough his happy tears as he sat down on Logan’s side of the bed and placed a hand on Virgil’s knee.

“Yeah! I finally have my creep and horror buddy back!” Remus exclaimed with glee, finally back to normal now that everyone was awake and together it seemed.

“Virgil, I… I thought….” Roman gasped as sobs threatened to overtake him yet again.

“Relax Princey. You don’t get rid of me that easily…” Virgil chuckled. Then he looked at Janus with some sadness in his eyes.

“Thanks. For saving me. I wish it hadn’t been needed though.”

Janus met Virgil’s eyes earnestly. “Of course Virgil. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“And you have nothing to be sorry over okay kiddo? You did nothing wrong!” Patton insisted.

“Indeed...” Logan started probably about to do the same rational breakdown of Virgil’s actions and possible consequences of other decisions on his part as he’d done for everyone else but himself.

“I know,” Virgil chuckled with a roll of his eyes. Surprising everyone. If there was one member of their group they could assume would find a way to blame himself for everything wrong with the world, it was Virgil.

“What? You all have been helping me with my negative thinking remember? Hindsight 20/20 in this case. There is no use in dwelling on what happened if in the moment you acted with the right intentions and to the best of your ability. No point in playing the blame game,” he droned off the last part with a fond smile to Logan, who stared at him for a moment and then let out a single laugh. Followed by another , and another.

Patton joined in with giggles. Remus started cackling and Roman finally had to let Virgil go in order to laugh fully with tears in his eyes.

Janus had to settle for a warm smile on half his face and a slight shaking of his shoulders.

“Um… What did I say?” Virgil frowned.

“Nothing. It’s just that we have all been playing the blame game ourselves without even realizing,” Janus informed Virgil. “And now you, out of everyone, have put things in perspective again.

We are all here. And everything else, we can deal with.”

Virgil smiled at that. “Yeah… Yeah we can.”

Many challenges were still ahead. But that didn’t matter. They were all together again and all was right in the world.

Virgil=Instinct

Survival: he can choose to heighten his senses and increase his physical strength and speed to super human levels. His tolerance for pain is also heightened. Usually needs a nap and food after missions. Occasionally he'll discover he has injuries once he deactivates his power.

Roman= Prince

Equip: Basically full metal alchemist. If he can imagine the object clearly he can make it using molecules in the world around him. But for, by example, a working radio he'd have to know how all the parts fit together and work. So he has only a few of these complex objects in his arsenal.

Remus=Ragdoll

Asemble: Mr potato head from toy story. He can disassemble himself like a doll and put himself together again. If he pulls of a hand he can still use said hand as if it were attached. He lost his right little toe once and since then they all make sure Remus is in one piece before leaving.

Patton=Father

Connect: Can establish a telepathic bond with others and feel their emotions. The better he knows you the stronger both powers work. The team often uses this for group discussions, Patton shares his empathic powers with the rest through telepathy and that usually calms everyone right down. Hard to be mad when you feel how loved you are by the one your fighting with. Everyone agrees that if Patton wasn’t the cinnamon bun he is he'd make for a master manipulator.

As mentioned in the fic, his empathic abilities flare up when he is tired while his telepathy becomes harder to handle. He can connect briefly to one person at a time under those conditions.

Logan=MasterMind

Predictive reasoning: he can basically tell the future. Short term predictions are more accurate than long term. You can ask him the most likely outcome if you do action a as opposed to action b by example. He is still learning to take emotions into account but Patton helps him with that.

Janus=Fantasm

Mirage: he can create illusions. They work better when sight is limited by darkness fog or limited thinking of the spectator due to high emotions or the like. It does require more focus the more complex the vision is. He also can't move if he wants to keep it up. He usually takes care of distractions or hiding them.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

From: Cace, Jae, and Calum

Cace and Calum meet at a Christmas and for being in their mid to late twenties that’s feels right. But things change when a baby gets involved and Calum just wants his best friend to enjoy her time, especially at the holidays. 

Female OC. Uncle Cal. Baby fluff. Enjoy! 

Enjoy the Christmas 2020 Blurb Masterlist

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Support me on Ko-fi.  (Trying to put money together for textbooks next semester!)

__________________

Calum giggles mostly to himself, his index finger wrapped up in the fist of his nephew laying on his lap. Well, he’s not technically his nephew by blood but the bond is still all the same. Calum never misses an opportunity to show off his picture to anyone that will give him the change too. Jae looks so much like Cace it’s insane but he gets it now, all the comments he and his sister used to get, and even now. Calum met Cace only two years ago while at a Christmas party thrown by someone that he can’t remember. They found each other by fate, as Cace liked to say. 

Calum had been nursing his one drink for only half an hour before flipping the switch, rather than sulking, he was going to enjoy himself. Nothing too far, or too crazy but Calum knew he was definitely going to need a ride back home and he was going to enjoy the night. And it was in that, going back for another drink that Calum tripped. Nearly face planted with someone caught him with a laugh. “Let me guess, you’re not normally this much of a klutz.”

 He laughed in return, still holding onto the girls forearms. “Give or take.” His balance returned soon, but his hold never fell away. He wasn’t sure if he had seen her around before, outside of the party. She looked so familiar. But in the drunken cloud taken over his brain he couldn’t answer his own curiosities. 

“Cace,” she states. 

“Calum.”

“And you might want a water at least one before going for whatever else tickles your fancy on this spread.” She guided him towards the drinks and snacks and quickly tossed him a bottle of water. “Drink up, buttercup.”

“Thanks,” Calum said, watching her turn to head back to the depths of the dance floor. “Hey, Cace,” he called out. When she turned, eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, Calum had a shot prepared, raising up into the air. “Oh, don’t make a man drink alone.”

 Cace walked back over with a grin on her face. “You know it’s bad luck to cheers with water right?”

Calum’s sly grin never wavered and he pulls up a second shot prepared. “Just give me two minutes to finish this water and no bad luck for us.”

And that brought them to grabbing lunch on Cace’s breaks--while she’s no singer, she does know her way around a contract--hanging in studios, the two of them taking day trips to get away from the noise of the city. Calum would ask for advice and Cace, being a year and a half older, happily gives it. But for all the advice she can give, Cace’s track record in the dating department wouldn’t ever show for it. 

Jae kicks a little but a grin lights up his face. Calum laughs, stroking a finger along his cheek. “Hey, hey, what’s got you all giggly?” Calum’s voice is soft. The couch dips just a little next to him and Calum looks over to Cace. 

Her smile is soft but still clearly holds the exhaustion that she hasn’t been able to shake yet. “How long have I been out?”

Calum keeps a hand on Jae’s tummy before sliding back into the cushions. “Not long enough. You’re off Mum duty. Remember. Uncle Cal and Nephew Jae taking the world by storm--no mum’s allowed.”

Cace scoffs, pushing up to to glance at the clock on the wall. “By the looks of it, it’s been an hour and a half and you haven’t left my house.”

Giving Jae’s tummy a rub, Calum tries to hide his smile. “Little booger here preoccupied me.”

“Oh just admit it, he’s too stinking cute.” Cace stares down at her son, watches the way he giggles and coos at the tickle of Calum’s fingers. “Like really stinkin’ cute,” she states in a whisper. For the moment she tried not to think too much about how she could kill the son of a bitch that got her pregnant only to bolt--though Cace wasn’t sure she’d call it bolting. He had a line of women and as Cace steadily refused to give up her baby, he went onto the next. 

“I know that murdery look in your eyes. You’re exhausted. That guy’s a dick. But you have a happy and extremely healthy baby boy. Take the day, Cace. You deserve it.”

Cace sits up, folding her feet under her. “I love my son. I just wish he wouldn’t have any pain.”

“Jae’s got Uncle Cal, and Uncle Ashton, and Uncle Michael, and Uncle Luke. We’re all he’s going to need--you’ll be there for his first crush and we’ll beat up bullies.”

Cace laughs, hand rubbing gently over Jae’s head as Calum rests Jaue against his chest. “I’ll be there to beat up bullies too.” 

“I did say we,” Calum grins, the twinkling lights of her decor. Her living room’s already been decorated. He helped last weekend with that and even helped her put a tree. “You know what you need?”

“You already told me it was sleep.”

“In addition to sleep,” Calum starts. The tree’s beautiful. Cace always makes sure of that for Christmas. “You need Christmas photos in cheesy matching outfits with your baby boy and we’ll send them out to your family and make really bad Christmas ornaments and we’ll stamp Jae’s little hand on one and you’re going to enjoy this holiday season with your son and your best friend.”

“Do you remember the Christmas party we met at?” 

Calum nods. “Of course I do. And this year will be the absolute opposite of that, but it’ll be good for you, Cace.”

There’s a moment silence. Cace studying the feature of Calum’s face and Calum studying the features of her. She notices the worry on his face, the way it pulls down his lips and makes his eyes dimmer. He notices the bags, but a certain bright spot in her eyes. “Alright, you’ve convinced me. Homemade Christmas ornaments and cheesy photos. I’ll go get dressed.”

“No, no, you stay home. Rest up. I’ll go out and get what we need. Jae can tag along. He gets a vote in the really cringe onesie I buy him.”

“Cal, c’mon. Jae gets fussy sometimes and in a mood. I don’t want you have to tackle that all on your own.”

“Cace, let me do that. For you. Just one day. I know Jae, when he gets fussy I check diaper first, try the bottle second, and if that doesn’t work. you taught me the swaddle. We’ll take five and I’ll make him a cozy bean wrapped in his mum’s smelling blanket,” Calum punctuates the part by tugging on the blanket Cace snuggled up with in her sleep, which admittedly she might be just a tad too big for, “and he’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

Pushing to her knees, Cace holds Calum’s cheek in one hand. Calum didn’t have to step in. Surely, there were better things to do than go with Cace to appointments and stay home on nights when she knew the guys were out. And he helped put together the nursery. He got the guys to help him too, but Calum would be on the receiving end of 7 am phone calls to fold baby clothes and lift packages into her house when she got too big to bend over or lift anything.

 “You’re more than a girl could ever ask for, you know?”

“Good thing you didn’t ask for me.” 

Cace rolls her eyes. “Yeah, no, I called it fate. But still, I appreciate you. For everything. It means a lot.”

Calum kisses her cheek. “You’re welcome. Now, text me what size you wear and then go back to sleep. Shower first. I can smell you.”

A chuckle escapes Cace’s throat. “That’s-that’s not me, Cal.”

“Oh, Jae, buddy.”

With Jae in a fresh diaper and the diaper backpack Cace keeps packed at all times on his shoulders, Calum straps Jae into the carseat he bought for his own car. Cace told him to just use the one she had, but Calum wanted one in his car, just in case he needed it for emergencies, for Uncle and Nephew days. His phone shakes in his pocket as he connects the last buckle into the middle. “All good? Snug in there?”

Jae’s on the verge of sleep, and Calum knows the ride will lull him right into the deep sleep. Calum responds to his own question. “Yeah, Uncle Cal, I’m snug as hell. Drunk of some milk. But, oh, boy, was it good.”

I wear a XL. Still have baby weight. Who knows if I’ll loose it all. 

A sigh escapes his lips. Cace hasn’t let the baby weight fixation go. She lost some of it, but the last little bit was still holding strong. You know XL just means extra love, right?

What happened to the e then?

Xtra Love. It’s cool guy spelling. You look great. You had a baby. Give yourself some kindness.

Cool guy spelling for Cool guy Cal.

Yeah, something like that. It doesn’t shock Calum that she doesn’t respond to the other parts of his text. 

Calum makes his first venture to the craft store. It’s the furtherest stop on the agenda today, so he heads there first. Jae sleeps the majority of that stop, even with all Calum’s wondering up and down aisle he doesn’t seem bothered. Calum gathers some popsicle sticks, glue, felt, glitter, various body safe paints, string, ribbon, and everything else he can think of. He knows it’s going to be a mess, but what’s Christmas without a little bit of a glitter bomb. 

Jae sings, or as close to singing, from the backseat as the radio plays. At a red light, Calum glances back. “Huh, that was a nice nap you got in. Let’s hope your mum got the same.” 

Calum knows by the parking lot this store is going to be a bit crowded and noisy. But it’s the first one he could think off that would family matching onesies. Calum figures instead of the stroller he’ll strap Jae to his chest. Hopefully that will keep him calmer seeing as the little guy’s still not totally a fan of a lot of noise. He does alright by prolonged exposure makes him just a tiny bit fussy. 

It’s a good sign when Jae looks around, eyes bright. “Oh yeah, lots of new sights around here,” Calum states softly. The store is not as bad as he originally thought. There’s still a lot of people out and about but somehow they don’t seem to be all swarming the shopping floor. He can only imagine what the checkout line looks like, but that’s more of a worry for later--if he even finds the matching onesies. 

The speakers overhead pump Christmas music through the store. Thought Calum wouldn’t call himself big on Christmas, he finds humming along, fingers brushing along the various fabrics as he weaves through the aisles and racks. Calum gets sidetrack on his way to the Christmas displays spying an intriguing button up--it’s black with a dotted pattern. Up close he can see there’s little snowflakes instead of actual circles. 

He shouldn’t get it, but he finds his size and figures he’ll hold onto it and debate whether or not he’s going to give into the impulse buy. Returning back to his assigned course, Calum debates if he’s going to go for the reindeer onesies or if he’s going to go for the ones decorated in various trees. “Your mum’s going to kill me if I show up with reindeer onesies, but you’d be cute. Maybe death ain’t so bad.” 

It takes a few minutes to consider all the options though, checking out what’s available in all the sizes they’d need. Calum catches the tiny whine Jae starts up with and soothing bounces him. “Okay, bud, I got it. I’ll be quick.”

Calum hopes death comes swift as grabs the reindeer onesies. Calum rushes over to the baby section. He knows without a doubt there are Christmas onesies hanging out. And sure enough, with only a two minutes search, Calum is able to grab Jae a matching outfit too and turns for the registers. On his trek, Calum does put back the button up--he doesn’t need it at the time being. 

The line is long. Jae’s settled for the time being, but Calum knows it might not take much to set him off. The cashier’s seem to be working fast so Calum risks it. He steps into line with a deep exhale. The first couple of minutes is goes by without a problem. And he manages to inch up just a little. However, by the time they get halfway through the life, Jae’s earlier whines start back up. 

Softy, Calum shushes him, running his free hand up and down Jae’s back. “It’s okay.” If this doesn’t work, Calum will just abandon the line and hope once Jae’s settle he can find the outfits again. 

 For a minute Jae seems to be settling and the line shuffles up again. However, they seemingly get stuck under/near a speaker hidden in a ceiling tile because the beef between Heat Miser and Snow Miser gets louder and that in turns sets off Jae. A cry spills from his throat. Not ideal, but Calum looks to see how many people are behind him--there’s only a few in front. But the sound of Jae’s cries tells Calum not to push it. 

“I gotcha, I gotcha,” Calum whispers to Jae, turning and shimmying past the people in line. He mutters a few apologies and though, he would normally find the rack to place the clothes back on, Calum doesn’t want to take too long in case this is a diaper change cry. 

“I know loud noises aren’t a favorite of yours, buddy. We’ll get somewhere quieter, promise.” 

Free from the line, Calum shuffles to the bathroom. “Alright, let’s see what’s causing these tears.” It’s partially a diaper change. Though in a clean diaper, Jae doesn’t settle completely. “Hungry?”

It doesn’t hold interest. Calum tries a few other things before just resigning to the fact that it might’ve been sensory overload on Jae’s part. Calum drags Jae’s blanket over his shoulder  and nestles him into it. Holding him close to his chest, Calum slips the backpack back onto his shoulder. “Okay, we can go chill out in the car. Try another store--hopefully less crowded.”

The cries haven’t completely stopped but they have faded. Calum doesn’t even glance over to where he stuck the onesies. They’re not important right now, an always be attained at some other point. Right on the mat that leads out of the store, Calum catches some voice shouting, “Sir!”

He doesn’t stop, assuming it’s someone trying to reach someone else. however, another, “Sir!” fills the air and Calum slows, turning his head. He doesn’t spot anyone at first, well not anyone that he recognizes are seems to be trying to get his attention but on a second pass over the faces, an older woman at the register holds up a bag. 

“Me?” Calum questions, readjusting Jae quickly and tucking him more into his chest and neck. 

The woman waves him over, before quickly turning back to the cashier. Calum steps a step forward, still unsure of what’s happening. He doesn’t know her. He thinks she might’ve been in the line either in front or behind him, but he doesn’t really know at all. 

“Is-is everything okay?” Calum tries to see what’s in the bag and then mentally runs through his mind of what he could’ve dropped in line. All the bags from the craft store are in the truck. His phone and wallet are in his pockets, along with his keys. 

“I should be asking the little one that,” she grins. Calum studies her face. He’d figure forties at the latest, two younger kids at her side. He wishes he did know her, then this would make this last strange. “Double check that these are all that you needed. Two adult onesies and then one for the baby, right?”

Calum’s heart nearly drops to his ass. “Wh-What?”

“Check that it’s all right,” she returns holding out one bag. The two kids hold bags of their own. “I don’t know if you were getting anything else, all I saw you put back were the onesies.”

“I-I can’t.” Jae wriggles in his arms and Calum sighs for a moment before bouncing him gently. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Well, now, I don’t have to do anything, you’re right. But I wanted too. I’ve been down this road. And the fact that you put your son above all, besides, it’s Christmas.”

Calum doesn’t even think to correct her thoughts on Jae instead he peeks inside the bag to see three outfits and a receipt. “Ma’am, really, I-I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I-I can pay you back.” Calum fumbles for a second to reach his wallet but she stills him with pat on his arm and a smile. 

“No need sweetheart. Take care of that handsome one and enjoy your holidays.” With that, she takes a hand of each of the kids with her and then continues on past. 

Calum watches her, unsure if it’s real or not. Unsure if he’s really living this. Someone, possibly a manager, comes down to the register he’s standing in front of. “Everything okay, sir?”

“I-yeah. Maybe a Christmas miracle?” he exhales facing them. 

It’s another woman with a smile. “She’s a regular here. Does stuff like this all the time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. The second you got out of line, she was on it trying to get the stuff you put down.” Lined on the front of the registers are a line of gift cards. No good deed should go without something good in return. 

He grabs one quickly. “Can I put 50 on this?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” The question clearly comes as a surprise. Calum knows by now in all his shock he’s not likely to find the woman in the parking lot. As the machine asks him to remove his card, Calum instructors them to use it for the next person in line. 

“You sure?”

He nods. “Yes, I’m very sure. Thank you, for taking me.” He grabs the bag and hurries back through the door. 

“You really bought reindeer onesies?” Cace sighs, peering into the bag. 

Jae sits in a rocker nearby. The moment Calum got him into the car his nerves completely settled and he went back his is normal bubbly self. Calum gulps down a third of the glass of water. “I didn’t buy it. But yes, reindeers.”

“What do you mean you didn’t buy them?”

“The line was long and I got stuck under the speaker in the store. Jae had been getting a tiny fussy beforehand but the music was the tipping point. So I stepped out of line. Just as I got Jae mostly settled, I figured I’d take him out to the car let him completely reset basically before trying again to snag the clothes. A woman in line saw me leave with him and she paid for it. One of the managers or something said she does stuff like that all the time.”

“She what?”

“Yeah, she paid for it while I in the bathroom. I guess the line was moving faster than I thought but I didn’t want to just ignore Jae, so I just made the call to leave line.”

“A Christmas miracle,” Cace returns. 

“Something like that. Did you rest well?”

“I didn’t wake up until you called and said you were on your way. So yes, much needed.” Leaning into the kitchen table, Cace uses her foot to add extra bounce for Jae. “I noticed there’s a second adult onesies in there.”

“Sue me. I wanted in on cheesy photos too.”

“Good thing phone cameras come with timers,” she grins. “Sticking around for arts and crafts too? I gotta feed Jae in another half an hour. Or am I still in Mum jail?”

“I’ll stick around. But you’re still in Mum jail, so that means I make Jae’s ornament--you sip on the non-alcoholic bubbly and gingerbread cookies you bought.”

“I do vote pictures first. Because there’s bound to be a mess.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine.” It can be that much of a mess, especially if Calum doesn’t bother with glitter. 

“You say that now,” she laughs. “But if you think there won’t be a mess, be my guest. I’m going to sip on non-alcoholic bubbly, eat gingerbread cookies, and enjoy this show.” 

Cace pops open the white grape sparkling juice and a fancy wine glass. Her second trip into the kitchen is for the tin of cookies--actually full of cookies--and settles at the kitchen table. She sits opposite of Calum’s ornament crafting setup. And it takes him until Cace has to feed and rather than fussing about with moving to another room, she drapes the privacy blanket over. The amusement is settled in deep on her face as she watches Calum try to sketch out his design. 

“I will say, I’m glad you’re a musician,” she teases. 

“Ya know what, not everyone can have a Dad who’s like a world renowned artist.”

“Tattoo artist, and trust me the drawing gene skipped me.”

Calum scoffs. “Then you’re talking a lot shit for a non-drawing-gene. But that does explain who you got into legal things.”

Her laughter is sharp. “Something like that. Though I think it might be more about me liking raining on some parades. Besides, who else can you call that will scare your team at just a name-drop?”

Calum points the pen cap in her direction with a nod. “I never suspected that you’d shake grown men to their core. But just the casual mention of you and you’d think they’d seen ghosts.”

Cace winks, readjusting the burping blanket. “I have that effect sometimes.”

“Can I burp him?”

“You’ve stolen my son!”

“Oh c’mon, I’m his Godfather.”

“You now Godfather Cal has a certain ring to it.” Cace turns down her mouth into a frown, dropping the octave in her voice, as she hoists Jae onto . “You come into my house on the day of my daughter’s wedding.”

Calum giggles at her impression but doesn’t push on the burping request. “I still prefer Uncle Cal. Easier to say.”

It’s as Calum can only watch the paint splatter onto the page does he immediately regret not taking Cace’s advice and taking photos first. Jae continues to hammer into the paint and thankfully, Cace doesn’t lose her head about messes. But Calum can only imagine what the green paint is going to look like against her yellow walls. 

“Jae, c’mon, work with me,” Calum sighs, lifting his tiny hand and then presses onto the felt. “Your Mum’s going to murder the both of us. But very slowly.”

Cace gasps from the end of the table. “I can hear you you know! I wouldn’t kill either one of you. Just tell you I told you so, repeatedly. Until you’d wish I have of killed you.”

“Just be glad I decided against opening the glitter.”

“Why would you buy glitter, Calum?” 

“I don’t know. I was in a craft store. I blacked out and when I came to, there was glitter in my basket.”Jae watches the exchange and slams a hand with paint onto the table. Calum’s sigh is audible and she watches him deflate in the chair. “It’ll come out I promise.”

“Or it doesn’t and I can forever mark that as the spot that Uncle Cal and Jae DIY’ed Christmas ornaments and when I’m old and nothing but skin and bones, I’ll pass the table onto him for his kids to make arts and crafts on and it becomes a legacy.”

Calum feels the wet hand on his chest through his t-shirt and cringes. Cace continues on. “Or what doesn’t come out is that stain on your shirt and you forever think twice about not listening to me. The pictures will be a story to remember. When my dad ask me why does Jae have a green nose and I tell him before pictures were taken he and Calum made ornaments and I advised ornaments second but Calum wanted to do that first and I scrubbed my son down as best as I could, but you know how green paint is.”

“You are not helping,” Calum whispers. 

“Oh, no, I’m not. But you’re right. I needed Mum jail.” Her raised eyebrow and pointed sip from her glass tells Calum he’s going to be the one cleaning up and only him. 

He doesn’t want her to be right. But even after ornaments are left to dry and he scrubs down Jae there is still a bit of residue, a hint of what color once took up residency on his skin that don’t completely fade reminds Calum to maybe listen to Cace since she’s the one dealing with a baby day in and day out. Though Calum would’ve liked to think he was a pretty good second. He’s there for a lot but there might be some things he hadn’t had to think through just yet on the whole baby front. 

His t-shirt is ruined and the battle of baby vomit vs t-shirts should’ve warned Calum to not wear anything he holds too precious. But clothes are just clothes in the grand scheme of things. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Jae.”

Calum gets him into the onesie and settles him into the rocking seat to see what he can do about the wall. The table made it with very minimal damage and Calum’s sure with another passover the little that does remain will come out. Cace kneels on the floor, a bucket beside her and the sounds of scrub hits his hears. “Hey, Mum jail, remember,” Calum returns. 

“Oh, I couldn’t let you suffer for that long without helping. I’ll probably have to repaint in some points, or I wait until he gets way older and just let whatever mess he creates exist and possibly turn it into some masterpiece.”

“You said the art gene skipped you.”

She laughs. “I did say possibly. As in an option.”

“I can help you repaint next week.”

“Wanna borrow one of my--what did you call it, an ultimate robe?”

“What are you on about?”

“Undershirt. I call them a white beater. You’ve got tons of them. You called it the ultimate robe in an interview once.”

“You said you didn’t watch those.”

“I don't normally. I saw a clip.”

“And you remembered from how long ago?”

Cace shrugs, dipping her rag into the water at her side. “Who knows at this point? You’re lucky I still remember my own name.” 

The thing Calum’s learned about Cace is that’s it’s true. She can hardly ever remember things about herself, but she’s always got it together for those around her. And that’s why he pushed for her to take today--because she needed the time for herself. And even if it’s hard because of a baby he still wants to be the one there for her. He would always have her back. He’d buy cheesy matching onesies and hold bells behind the camera to get Jae to look up and he’d fake pose decorating an already decorated Christmas tree and he’d hoist Jae into his arms and tickle the little boy’s side and he’d take the most unflattering pictures of Cace only to make it up with the most flattering ones right after if it meant that at the end of it all, she knew he had her back. 

Cace reclines into Calum’s side, Jae seated in her lap. The phone’s still counting down but she’s not worried about that. She looks up, watching Calum watching her. “I’m not the camera,” he teases. 

“Nah, but you’re a close second.” 

Calum kisses the top of her head, mostly aware of the shutter of the camera. “I’ll take that. Though I should be number one. Now actually face the camera once I set this up again.”

“No promises,” Cace laughs. Though she does look at the camera the second time. She can faintly see the slightly out of focus string lights on the trees. And inside the square it’s bound to be picturesque. There’s no walls with green paint or t-shirts ruined, or still open can of cookies that she absolutely thought she had covered and put back up. And maybe it’s okay if perfection only exist inside that square. And maybe it’s okay if her house is a mess and she’s a mess, and Calum’s a mess because at least she had the few people that cared around still.

********

Joy hadn’t anticipated seeing Calum’s handwriting on a letter just yet. His card usually came with him in person. But she doesn’t let the curiosity simmer too long and flips over the white envelope to pop the golden sticker holding it close.  A beautiful white, gold and green card greets her, with Merry Christmas on it. 

When she open the card, a couple photos slip down and she can see the black ink with Calum’s telling handwriting. She spies Cace and Jae standing in front of a tree, a decorating dangling in her hand. The second photo is Cace, Calum and Jae seated on the floor, smiling with the twinkling lights fading in the background. There’s a third of Calum and Jae too. All three of them matching with reminders antlers poking out from the hood of their pj’s. 

The typography of the inside of the card is the same as the outside, Season Greetings. But just above it is a note, from Cace, Jae, and Calum. And then just below the standard greeting of the card is more from Calum. 

Hi Mum, 

I know this card normally comes with me attached but I didn’t want to forget to send these pictures. 

I made Cace take a day and partially it was successful. Another part was disastrous. Disaster struck with paint and ornaments but I know you said you wanted more pictures of Jae too. These felt appropriate. He’s getting bigger, like everytime I blink he’s in a new size. I don’t know how Cace does it. How she just watches him everyday and doesn’t worry that time is moving too fast. Maybe she does worry and does her best just to focus on the day at hand. I don’t know how you did it with Mali and me. I’m sure it was the same thing--everyday just us shooting up with almost no end in sight. You’ll be happy to know Cace and Jae are doing well too. She started work again and takes him most days. Some days she drops him off at a daycare. He seems to handle it well for now. Soon, she says she’ll be dropping him off more than half the week at the daycare. So we’ll know for sure how Jae feels about that when that happens. 

Send me some Oz summer. I wasn’t sure I was ready to jump into onesies just yet and even after this pictures, I still don’t think I am. Love you and miss you. 

Calum. 

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

Okay my ass passed tf out post game. But I just woke up again and can’t NOT put my lukewarm takes on the Internet.

USWNT v SWEDEN

Alyssa - did what she could? I’m sure she expected plenty of shots on goal because Sweden has proven to always be a solid opponent but I don’t think she was ready to be called upon all game. But there wasn’t a time where I was like ‘dang, maybe if Alyssa was a better keeper, we wouldn’t be down’. She was fine.

Becky - I find her hard pressed to say anyone did well, but all things considered, Becky was okay. She was carrying the ball forward more than usual, seemingly holding onto it a bit too long sometimes. But no one was really open for her, so what tf was she supposed to do.

Crystal - thank sweet baby Jesus for her recovery runs and slide tackles. I would not like to know what a score line would be without them. She unfortunately was super overloaded which caused a lot of uncharacteristic giveaway passes in dangerous spots. To her credit, she showed a lot of creativity breaking out of the three players that seemed to close in on her. But our midfield and forwards really hung her out to dry not offering outlets for her to pass to.

Abby - this was a tough game for Abby. She was getting caught on the outside shoulder instead of covering inside and allowed the center backs to be split on numerous occasions. She did have a few of her typical nice diagonal long balls. But really seemed frantic and was beat to the ball in the box on the goals.

Kelley - in the same camp as Becky. Of nothing detrimental. But nothing incredible. She wasn’t given the same amount of pressure as Crystal which made things better. But her passes could have been cleaner, crosses could have been more direct.

Tierna - things were pretty dismal by the time she came in. She did decent for the time left though. Not sure it would have helped anything but her height definitely could have beneficial to us as a center back earlier in the game.

Lindsey - not her day as the 6. She managed it well through the summer series and send off games, but Sweden is so different than the teams they played. She got lost. She was so needed to be Crystals outlet and to be that person that helped move the ball from side to side to break Sweden down. She was almost timid, it was weird. She started doing a bit better when she was back in her normal position. But the team was already back on their heels at that point so it didn’t help.

Rose - well god dammit. Rose was out there trying! It wasn’t working, but you could tell that she was not having it and was trying to make something happen. She was key in the passing combos the US managed to string together. Most glimmers of good came with her involvement. She still fell victim to holding the ball too long and passing directly to Sweden but I did appreciate her effort!

Sam - oh goodness, poor Sammy Bananas. This was not her game. She seemed like she was hiding behind Swedish players. She wasn’t open for anyone to pass to. And when she had the ball, more often than not, she was passing it to Sweden. It was hard to watch after she’s been playing so well. I will give a small positive that on a couple plays, she found her stride and did what she does best, driving the ball up centrally, pulling defenders, and passing out wide for a cross in. She needed off at half though, glad Vlatko pulled her.

Julie - well shit balls I really wish she was 100%. Her being in wasn’t a game changer. I mean, duh they still scored twice in the second half. But there were moments I was like, oh yeah. That’s what it’s like to have Julie Ertz playing the 6. That’s nice. She is far from full game fit though, and you could tell she’s nervous going 150% into hard tackles. And with being out for all the buildup games, her chemistry with everyone is a little off.

Kristie - she wasn’t in long. But she’s was running her butt off. Like Tierna, it’s not like she could do much to help. She didn’t do anything to hurt though. Her energy was good to see, who knows if her coming in earlier could have sparked something. (Probably not but it’s fun to dream)

Alex - welp. She was in there. Few decent runs into the box. Was there for the header off Christen’s beautiful first half cross. But very lost, not connecting, I had no issue with. Vlatko pulling her at half for Carli.

Tobin - after the excitement of her return in the Mexico games, it sucked to see her like this. To her credit, she was all over the damn pitch trying to make things happen. But in doing so, was out of position which didn’t make switching the field easier. Sweden had to time for her foot skills and just bodied her off of things. She had some of our most promising offensive plays though. And history has proven that pissing Tobin off means she is going to pop off. Waiting for that!

Christen - the goal post is not her friend. So rude. She also gave us some of our closest goal opportunities. But dang. She needed to be helping Crystal on defense big time. And she needed to provide a better outlet pass and not just the option of a ball over the top. I honestly forgot she was out there sometimes which was uncharacteristic.

Carli - I was actually happy to see her come in. But she couldn’t break the funk the team was in. I’m sure a game like this will make her work harder, so maybe that’s good. I don’t know.

Pinoe - came in with a little spark. She was a positive sub. But we were such a mess at that point it didn’t do much. I wish she was full ninety fit, we needed her chaos.

All in all. We all watched the mess. We know. They were outplayed. Sweden is fucking GOOD. We just played them, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, it shouldn’t have been. Maybe it’s the Sweden Olympic curse. Maybe it’s because the USWNT has been go go go all year and has run themselves a little ragged with the camps and friendlies along with NWSL. Doesn’t matter. They knew the Olympics were coming. They weren’t good enough and I hope they turn it around.

Hopefully next game we can remember what jerseys we’re wearing so we can pass to the right team and everyone gets a good night sleep so we can LOOK ALIVE OUT THERE.

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter One

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,058

Warnings: Language, big anxiety

A/N: So here’s chapter one! This is the first My Hero fic I’ve ever written and published, so I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it! Now, there’s gonna be a lot of chapters. I’m not sure how many yet, but it will be updated every week, so every Saturday (where I live) is when I will upload! There will also be a tag list, so let me know if you would like to be on it. I have a lot of ideas for this, and I hope I’m able to translate them through writing. Anyways, please enjoy!

UA Idol Masterlist

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You anxiously picked at the number stickered onto your thigh. “Mina, I really don’t think I should be here, this is a lot,” you mumble, motioning your head to the camera crew in front of you setting up. “Oh shush, (Y/n/n). The only reason they’re interviewing us is because we’re cute and are friends and they’re hoping one of us will get through while the other doesn’t and there will be drama, and we both know that if that happens there will only be support. Although I think we’ll both get through. You especially.” You snort at her enthusiasm and shake your head. “Definitely not, but okay. Whatever you say.”

“Okay! Give us your name and where you two are from and if you have any specific reason you’re here.”

“Well, I’m Mina and I’m from Tokyo, and this is (Y/n) and she’s from (hometown). We’re actually roommates and best friends, not to brag, but I’m really here to support her! She’s amazing!”

“Literally shut up, Mina you’re better than me,” you mumble, rolling your eyes at your enthusiastic best friend. “I most definitely am not! Besides, this is a great fuck you to your ex. You know the one who told you that you would never be able to become a singer and shit on you every opportunity he got.”

“Yeah. Thank you for bringing him up.”

“Yes! Thank you for bringing him up! Could you talk about him a little more? If that’s okay?”

You stare at the producer and sigh. “Yeah. Sure, whatever. I had a boyfriend a while back who didn’t support me in my artsy ways. Since he was older, he would always make sure I knew that he thought it was a childish hobby, and that I should grow up and do something that I would actually be able to survive on. He kind of ruined my love for music, but after he broke up with me, I got it back since it was how I coped with it.”

“So, you’re here to get back at him? Show him what you’re made of?”

“Well, no... but that would be pretty dope, not gonna lie, he can go fuck himself,” you say, with a small smirk on your face. After a few more questions about your ex-boyfriend and yours and Mina’s crippling student debt, the producers wander off to someone else. “They are totally using your story for television,” Mina says, and you scoff. “They only use stories for people who they want the audience to vote for, I know how these shows work,” you say, glancing around and having your eyes land on the next poor soul the producers trapped. Looked like it was a very sleepy purple haired e-boy. Damn. He’d for sure make it through if this competition was based off of looks alone. How the hell were you supposed to compete with people who looked like that. “I don’t think I should be here, Mina,” you mumble, tearing your eyes away from him. Unbeknownst to you your gaze was replaced by his as his quick little interview ended. “What? (Y/n), stop with that! What were you just looking at that made you even think that?” Mina asks, frantically searching around. “Well the producers were-”

“Oh my god! Denki?! (Y/n), that’s one of the guys I was really good friends with when we were in high school, come on you have to meet him,” Mina cuts you off, literally dragging you over. “Mina?! Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna be here?! We have phones you know,” You watch the blonde with a black streak in his hair tackle your best friend in a hug with an unamused expression. You didn’t want to meet anyone. You were tired. The anxiety of this situation kept you up all night long. Then again, staying up all night was normal for you. At least you looked bomb though. You felt the burning sensation of someone staring at you, so naturally you turn your head in that direction. Your eyes were met with the back of the purple haired boys messy head, but no one was looking though, so you shrug it off. Probably someone just scoping out the competition or something. “Denki, this is-”

“Contestants number 14788 and 14789? Follow me please,” a producer cuts off Mina and you feel a wave of anxiety wash over you. You grip the neck of your guitar tighter than you had been gripping it before. It’s not performing that makes you nervous, it’s performing in front of the panel of world-renowned judges that makes you nervous. And try as you might you can’t hide it. “Oh, shit, sorry Denki, I’ll talk to you after, okay? See ya!”

“Break a leg, Mina,” Denki says as Mina links arms with you and pulls you along with her happy steps. “I’ll introduce him to you after we both make it, I wanna know more about his friend anyways, so he better not leave until I interrogate him,” she starts rambling and you laugh a bit. “Awww, does Mina have a crush on the purple haired boy? Pink and purple go well together, you know.”

“No, she doesn’t. She thinks that you would look great with him though.”

“No. Not happening.”

“Come on, (Y/n), you gotta put yourself out there! It’s been two whole years since he who shall not be named broke up with you, you can-”

“Mina. Drop it. Please.”

“…Okay. So, I’m going first. hopefully I come out with a golden ticket, but if I don’t don’t let that psych you out, okay? You got this you crazy talented bitch,” Mina says, trying to lighten the mood. She knows you don’t want to be in a relationship ever again after what happened with your ex, but she can’t help it. She loves playing matchmaker and she just wants you to be happy. Recently you’ve been a little sadder the usual, so she’s concerned. It was like she turned back time to when you two first moved into your apartment and you were dealing with school and your douche of an ex. She knows you find Denki’s friend attractive, he’s 100% your type and you two would look amazing as a couple. Not to mention that his friend just so happened to be staring at you at any moment you weren’t looking in his general direction. Not able to read her mind going 100 miles a minute, you just nod at her words as you come face to face with the most famous emcee there is. Hizashi Yamada. Better known as his stage name, Present Mic, PM for short. “HELLO!!! You two look amazing! You ready to become the next UA Idol or what?!” he says, way too enthusiastically. You always wondered just how loud he was in real life, and he rivals Mina. That’s saying something. “I’m totally ready!” she responds, and you laugh at PM’s face when he realizes she’s just as loud, if not louder, than him. “So, you’re both auditioning, right? Are you going together? Separate?”

“Separate, we’re just here to wait outside for moral support,” Mina responds, and he nods. “Awesome! Well, tell me your names! If you two get through to Hell Week there’s a good chance you’ll be televised, so I would like to just talk for a minute!” he says, and you both introduce yourselves again. “Amazing! I’m assuming you two are great friends, I mean you must be pretty important to each other to have it just be you two with no partners or family or anything coming. Reminds me of me and Aizawa!”

“Yeah, but we’re just best friends actually! And roommates, we moved here away from our families and we’re both single, so all we have is each other,” Mina says, pulling you into a quick little squeeze. Present Mic screams something about how adorable that was before wishing Mina luck and sending her in. Shockingly, you’re both quiet as you hear her audition begin, and unsurprisingly, she flawlessly hits all the notes in Lady Marmalade. Her voice isn’t only loud when she talks, after all. PM’s eyes go big as he points at the door, looking at you and mouthing “She’s really good!” You just grin and nod. This isn’t news to you. After hearing her blast Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey all the time and belting out their runs and matching their high notes for about three years, it’s not shocking to you how great she can sing this song. Eventually, her singing stops, and PM waits a minute or two before he begins talking again, not necessarily quiet, but quieter than before. “I did not expect that kind of soul to come out of that little body of hers!”

“Yeah, she can be unpredictable like that... now imagine living with her,” you mumble, half kidding and half serious, but he laughs at that. Loudly. Not even a moment later, Mina walks through the doors and violently shakes the ticket in her hand at you. “I DID IT! I DID IT, KICK ASS, TAKE NAMES, AND MAKE SURE YOU COME TO HELL WEEK WITH ME SO YOU’RE NOT ALONE AT THE APARTMENT FOR A WHOLE WEEK!”

“I won’t be alone; Nyx will be there she is great company.”

“(Y/n), she is a black cat.”

“She is our third roommate and you will treat her as such,” you point your finger at her before PM gives you the clear to go in the room. “Make sure to hit your mark! That’s the tape shaped like a T on the floor! Break a leg,” he says, giving you two thumbs up. You nervously make your way through the short hallway, eventually landing right smack in the middle of the room. You make sure to hit the mark, as PM instructed, and you need to tell yourself to calm down as you look at four of the most influential people in music. In front of you sat Shouta Aizawa, Keigo Takami, Nemuri Kayama, and Toshinori Yagi.

Better known as just Aizawa, a well-known singer-songwriter. He stays behind the scenes mostly, and the rumor is he’s written over 20,000 songs for himself as well as other artists. The majority of course go to other artists, as he isn’t a big fan of all the fame and things, but the few albums he’s put out have some of your favorite songs ever written. He’s genuinely someone you’ve been looking up to for years upon years.

Then there’s Keigo Takami, who is known as Hawks. He chose his stage name because he’s always admired the strength and freedom of hawks and he decided that he wanted to be the same way. And he is, he literally can do everything. Every song of his sounds different, varying from rock to country. A lot of people really support his country music considering he calls his fans his chickadees. People just think it fits. The genre he seems to gravitate toward the most is definitely more of a rock vibe, even having his own band. And yes, the band’s emblem is a pair of red wings.

Next to him is Nemuri Kayama, or Midnight. She’s a world-famous popstar, but she makes sure to include some soul sounding belts in every single one of her songs. She’s Mina’s literal idol, and the amount of times you’ve had to listen to Midnight’s songs? So many. So many times. Not that you were complaining, her voice is amazing. You just wished she didn’t sing about love and sex all the fucking time.

And finally, there’s Toshinori Yagi. People tend to shorten his name to Nori, but he’s the most famous judge here. Not only does he own the All Might Record Label, he has won 11 Grammys, his music is played everywhere all the time, and he manages some of the biggest stars today. Unlike his rival record company, Endeavor Records, it’s said that Toshinori is ridiculously nice as well as a little strange, but in comparison to Enji Todoroki? The nicest man to walk the planet. 100%. Not to mention he’s also a singer himself. His songs are instant smashes, and everyone loves his voice. Even if he isn’t mean, he’s so ridiculously powerful in the business.

To say you were intimidated was an understatement.

[awhiskeyriver]

Hi friend!! Hope you are safe, and hope you get some insp to write again❤️ Maybe the scene right after their first kiss? Love you❤️

An anon also requested the scene post-finding out about the bet and losing the football game and so these two sort of coincide together. Hopefully this fits your request friend! Love you too!<3

+++

The locker room lacked the natural cheer and comradery it usually held on game day. Win or lose, we were a pretty solid team and typically good sports, but it felt different this time.

   Our winning streak of the season was officially over. To make it worse, we’d lost on our own turf.

   “We’re still doing better than last season.” Finnick tried to keep spirits up, but among us there was the overall stench of defeat.

   I stripped off my jersey and threw it into the hamper, eager to shower and change so I could go back to the apartment. The weight of the loss was resting on my shoulders. I knew I was at the heart of the problem that translated onto the field today.

   All anyone could talk about this morning was the party last night. Specifically, the video that was being shared all over Instagram from it, starring Katniss Everdeen and I.

   After her friend walked in on Katniss and I...and everything happened...I left the party with the excuse to the guys that I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a lie, I felt like I was moments away from puking. They let me go without protest, not wanting to be responsible for me being sick at the game, and I’d driven home, turned my phone off and gone straight to bed.

   It wasn’t uncommon for me to leave my phone off on game days. It was easier to keep focused, tune out the needless distraction of text messages and social media, so I hadn’t found out about the video until some of my teammates showed me in the locker room.

   Thirty minutes before kick off.

   The horrible timing had a rippled effect, causing me to play my worst game of the season and give people even more reasons to talk.

   “Mellark.”

   Coach’s dominating voice vibrated off the walls, making his presence known before he was visible. I cringed inwardly, muscles tight. Hearing your name called fresh after a lose was never good.

   I ran a hand over my sweaty scalp as he came into view.

   “Yes, Coach?”

   “My office in ten.”

    My stomach knotted. Really not good. 

    If coach saw skepticism in my eyes, he ignored it. Everyone waited until he’d left the locker room to resume talking. I tossed my helmet into its shelf, right above the slot where my last name was scripted in gold-plated font.

    Finnick, who’s bench was beside mine wrapped a towel around his waist before turning towards me.

    “What’s that about?”

    “No idea.”

    “You don’t think it’s…” he trailed off, but the unspoken words clung to the air. I met his concerned frown with one of my own, hoping, praying Coach wasn’t calling me up to his office to discuss that.

    “It’s probably just about the sack I didn’t block,” I muttered, just in time for Cato to chime in.

    “Which one?”

    I ignored him, debating if it was worth it to just go up and talk to coach now and shower back at the apartment alone. Quickly, I ruled the idea out. Couldn’t go up to his office smelling.

    “Maybe he’s calling you up to discuss the fact that this is a men’s football team and you, apparently, have a pussy.”

     He went to smack my crotch but I grabbed his hand, shoving him away before he had the opportunity.

    “That would explain why you can’t seem to keep your hands off of him,” Finnick retorted cooly, earning a disgusted grunt from Cato.

    “Dude, not cool.”

    Finnick shrugged.

    “I’m just saying maybe if he had a set of balls, hot girls would actually want to fuck him instead of just pretending to for money.”

    I could feel Finnick gearing up for a retort, but held a hand out to stop him. Last thing I needed was someone else fighting my battles for me. What would that prove other than the fact that Cato was right? But, there was no point in getting into it with someone like him. He was trying to get a rise out of me so he could laugh and make more jokes when I reacted. Like, tell me to get my estrogen levels checked or ask if I was PMSing. Idiot.

    I showered quickly and changed into street clothes before heading up to coach’s office. Nerves twisted my stomach as I approached his ajar door and gave it a quick knock.

    “Come in.”

    His face was buried into his computer, typing furiously with half-squinted eyes that focused hard on his task. His desk was littered with football knick-knacks and sticky notes. Behind him were plaques in numerical order for awards the team had won over the years and he had a cabinet off to the side of the office that hosted an array of trophies.

    I pulled a chair out from the other side of his desk and sat down, waiting. After hours of being on the field, it felt nice to sit for a moment.

    He finished whatever he was typing and took a deep breath before pulling his glasses off his face.

    “You know why you’re here, kid?”

    I wracked my brain, mulling over all the possible reasons. I decided to test the waters by trying out the easiest.

    “Because I missed the tackle in the third quarter? I think I figured out my mistake. If I just--”

    “I didn’t call you up here to talk football, Mellark.”

     My frown deepened.

    “Oh?”

    Coach sighed, folding his hands together. “Were you at a party last night?”

    Shit. Shit. Immediately I knew where this was going and it was no place I wanted to be. Already, I could feel my skin flushing with embarrassment...made worse by the fact that the guys had basically guessed this conversation down in the locker room.

    If it were possible to dissolve into the floor, now would be a great time to do it.

    I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and ran my sweaty hands down the length of my pants.

    Coach seemed just as awkward as I felt. He scrubbed a hand over his bristled jaw line as we regarded each other silently.

    “The party,” he finally continued. “Anything happen? Any sort of...altercations?”

    I suppressed a groan, wishing he would just come out and say it so I didn’t have to.

    “Not really.”

    “Not really?” he parroted, looking skeptical. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. “You’re sticking with that answer? Because I’ve heard otherwise. In fact, lots of people around campus have.”

    I swallowed. There was no way to deny it.

     “You...wanna talk about it?”

    It being the video, undoubtedly.

    It was far from the first time I’d been made fun of. Middle school had basically been hell; I stood several inches above everyone else and was twice as wide, which made for a host of comments and jokes at my expense. High school had been a little better, by then I was playing football and was able to deflect most of the jokes being made at me to those being made with me. 

    But College had been the best change of pace. Away from all the people I’d grown up with and knew too well in Virginia. I supposed it had been too much to wish the fluidity of my past two years could last.

    “Not especially,” I sighed, in answer to Coach’s question.

    “Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Just so you know, that kind of behavior isn’t permitted on campus, and technically that party was on campus. If you were wanting to press charges--”

    Charges? This was getting out of control.

    “What? No,” I said quickly with a wave of my hand. “I don’t want to do anything. I just...want this to not be happening.”

    It was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

    Coach nodded in agreement.

    “Well...if you change your mind or need to talk about it all--”

     “I don’t.”

    “Right. But if you do...”

    I nodded, staring down at my lap, waiting with growing impatience for him to dismiss me.

    “That’s all, then.”

    I stood up in an instant and gathered my bag, heading for the door.

    “Mellark,” he called, bringing me up short. I paused, but didn’t turn to look. “Don’t get stupid and start eating salads and shit. Can’t have you dropping weight in the middle of the season.”

[natsubeatsrock]

The Rewrite of Fairy Tail: Bonus (What If? #15)

What if I made Bixanna canon?

This isn't the first ship I've tackled in a series like this. Heck, it's not the last ship I know I'll tackle in this series. Whenever I consider a ship (that isn't Nalu) in any post in this series, I usually assure readers that I'm not entirely decided about how to handle the relationship at all in canon. These types of posts are usually the result of that internal struggle.

This is not the case with Bixanna. It's very unlikely that anything remotely similar to what I'll be talking about will make it into my rewrite of the series.

Much of this series involves me going out of my comfort zone. I consider possible ways Fairy Tail can be redone. I make things considered unlikely or impossible as realistically as I can make canonically possible. Despite everything, I don't have a ton of bad feelings for this ship. To be honest, I don't really have feelings for this ship. I did make one post about it a while ago. But that wasn't as terribly antagonistic as some stuff fans of Bixanna may be used to seeing said against their ship. 

At the very least, I considered making Nalu a thing. I might as well try to do this.

I don't have as much canon basis for this as most of my other hypothetical scenarios. Originally, this was going to be posted on April 1st. The joke would be that it would be shocking for me to take this ship seriously. But I have quite the imagination. There can't be so little reasoning for this that I can't do anything for this hypothetical. 

Here's what I got.

As we all know, Elfman and Evergreen started to get closer to each other during the Tenrou arc. To be honest, I like the idea of this ship. I don't think this was a bad move to make after their brief fight during Fantasia. I have a soft spot for ships that start with characters that started their progression towards romance as enemies. (Another rant for another day)

The thing is, they don’t really go anywhere serious. I wouldn’t say that them becoming a thing later on in the series would be out there. I may make them actually get together by the end of the rewrite. However, I can’t say with any sense of certainty that they absolutely do end up together, even as they are hinted at multiple times throughout the series.

Hopefully, you can already tell where I’m going with this.

What if Lisanna and Bickslow decided to work together to get Elfman and Evergreen together? This sounds like a weird idea, but hear me out. There are a few times that they both tease the idea of Elfgreen as a couple. In the anime, Lisanna jokes to her brother that he was calling for her in his sleep on Tenrou Island. And during the Grand Magic Games, Bickslow jokes about Evergreen getting closer to Elfman a few times.

So, in our scenario, Bickslow and Lisanna decide to combine their forces and work together to get the two of them to date. Given that this would likely be right after the events of Tenrou Island, they would have plenty of time to work with. Obviously, they would grow closer together through their work and, regardless of their efforts, enter their own romantic relationship.

To be honest, this is a tempting idea to work with. I’ve already mentioned how this can advance a fairly popular ship. Of course, there’s also the obvious reason of making a ship ridiculed (not without reason) for being a spite ship actually work.

More than that though, this would give me some more opportunities to flesh out more characters. I’ve shared many times how I’d like to give more opportunities for Lisanna to do more in the series. However, this is also an easy way to give Bickslow more stuff to do in the series. If you ask me, I think he got the worst deal of the Thunder God Tribe after the Fantasia arc. Of course, he gets his times to shine on Tenrou Island, but that’s about it. And, compared to his teammates, he didn’t have much of an impact on the series past that point. This isn’t anything big, but it’s still something more than what he got.

As for how they play off each other, one way you could play this is by having them bond over potential similarities. Depending on how you spin it, you could make a connection between “devotion to Laxus” (who may or may not be a member of the guild during this time) and “family”. That way, they see they have more in common than they would have thought otherwise.

One issue I can imagine people have with this idea is that Mirajane would make a better fit for the role of matchmaker. Normally, I would agree with this sentiment.  I feel this element of her character is played out in fan interpretations. At the same time, I feel like Lisanna would have a better sense of what is and isn’t a helpful idea for getting them to be closer. Not to mention, Elfman and Evergreen don’t seem a couple Mirajane wants to happen. (Also, something, something, just ship her with Freed.)

However, there’s one thing I’ve completely ignored in all of this: an actual reason to work together. I mean, they might both decide that it’s weird that Elfman and Evergreen probably like each other. But there’s a big leap from “playful jabs at this idea” and “playing partners in cupid”. 

Partners being the operative word. These two have never really worked together, except for one time the Grand Magic Games, which only barely counts as cooperation. I don’t have any other reason to think that this would be a positive relationship. Let alone anything I could actually make into a believable romantic relationship. The one way I can think of is one heck of a stretch, especially considering I’m basing this on a scenario I already consider to be a stretch.

Based on Part 22

What If? #1 | What If? #2 | What If? #3 | What If? #4 | What If? #5  | What If? #6 | What If? #7  | What If? #8 | What If #9 | What If? #10 | What If? #11 | What If? #12 | What If? #13 | What If? #14

[rubberducky-jrr]

Heartbeat

Summary: Peter always tuned into your heartbeat to try and relax when he was stressed, however this time it wasn’t just yours he heard (dad au)

Pairings: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader (both 22 years old in their last year of uni)

Warnings: Too much fluff, a very brief mention of abortion, swearing. 

A/n: Sorry this took me a while to update, life has been busy. I saw a post about Peter congratulating Tony and Pepper on their baby when he picks up on the baby’s heartbeat in the elevator (I think) and well, this idea popped into my head. If anyone knows the post, please link it to me so i can give credit! 

Hope you enjoy, let me know what you all think of it. 

***

You had been dating Peter Parker for about four years now, and ever since the nervous boy stumbled into your life one day back when you were 18 you knew you were screwed. You remembered the shocked expression on his face as he walked into lab to come meet Tony, finding you there instead. He had been in his Spider-Man suit with his mask in his hands. He had stumbled around to try and hide his face, even though he realised, once you said who you were, you probably already knew his name and everything about him. 

He had given you one of his shy smiles, the smile that could melt your heart even four years on.

You had never thought you’d get thrown so easily around someone, you were a Stark after all, the confidence just shining through. However, when you were around him, everything he did had you blushing and giggling.

You looked at Peter across the table, watching him pay close attention to Steve’s briefing about the upcoming mission. He seemed stress, his leg bouncing as he tried to remember every detail of the mission, what the goal was, what everyone’s positions were and how they were going to tackle the situation if things went south. 

You felt sorry for him, wanting to reach out across the table to take his slightly shaking hand in yours and give it a gentle squeeze in reassurance. However, you knew that would probably distract him and cause him to miss what Steve was saying, so you stayed put, arms crossed and occasionally looking across at him to make sure he wasn't about to exploded from the stress. 

After the meeting you caught up with him, slipping your hand into his as you walked down the corridor together.

“Hey, are you alright?” You asked even though clearly he wasn't, you just asked to allow him the opportunity to vent. You watched him closely as he sighed and glanced down at the ground. He seemed to struggle slightly with his words, not exactly sure how to explain what was on in his mind.

“I just... " He managed to get out before pausing. You gave his hand a gently squeeze, causing him to look across at you with a sad but soft smile on his lips. “That was just a lot to take in, you know. I'm so busy lately with university work, figuring out what I want to do with my life while still trying to keep the city safe as Spider-Man,” he said, shaking his head as he let out a heavy sigh.

“Come on,” you said, tugging him towards the elevator to go up to the roof of the tower. It was your favourite spot to relax, looking out over the city, so far away from everything, from the responsibilities, from the stress. 

You sat down on the ledge next to Peter, legs dangling over as you glanced down at the city below you.

“It’s a good thing you’re not afraid of heights,” you teased and he let out a soft laugh before glancing at you. His eyes were sad but he smiled anyway. You lifted a hand to cup his cheek and stroke a thumb across his cheekbone, calming him slightly. “You know, I’m always here for you.”

“I know, darling, and I can’t imagine how I would be without you,” he said and you leaned forward, kissing him softly on the lips.

Peter pulled away first, catching your eyes for a minute before closing his own and pulling you into a hug.

"Everything is going to work out, I promise," you whispered to him softly. He tucked his head into your neck, breathing in the scent of your shampoo, a sense of familiarity and calmness washing over him. He let his senses focus solely on you and nothing else, slowly tuning into your heart beating strongly.

That’s when he frowned slightly, a second, softer heartbeat coming through. He pulled away slightly to look you in the eyes, a frown forming on your face when you saw his confused expression.

“What’s wrong?” You asked and he shook his head, closing his eyes to try and focus on your heartbeat. He thought for a second that his senses were off again, his ears lying to him on what he had just picked up on. However, his eyes shot open when he heard the second heartbeat once again, knowing this time for sure what was going on.

“Oh god,” he mumbled, not knowing how he should be reacting right now.

You were pregnant.

That little heartbeat beating away was his kid, slowly growing inside the love of his life. His chest tightened, he didn’t know if this was a good or bad thing. 

“Pete, you’re scaring me.”

Your voice dragged him away from staring at your stomach, his heart bursting with happiness and mind running wild with so many thoughts of being a parent, of what this meant for your future together. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’m... I’m just a little shocked,” he said, trying to focus. He took a calming breath, glancing down at your stomach before looking back up at you, deciding there and then that this was definitely a good thing. 

“What‘s going on?“ You asked as a large smile finally appeared on his face, his hand going to cup your cheek as tears filled his eyes.

“I hear two heartbeats,” he whispered softly and you just stared blankly at him, equally as confused as before.

“Yes, there are two of us here,” you stated and Peter chuckled, shaking his head slightly. 

“No... There are three of us actually,” he said before his hand that was cupping your cheek drifted down to your stomach, placing it gently over where he could hear the heartbeat, so strong yet so soft.

Your frown eased and was slowly replaced with shock as you glanced down at Peter’s hand on your stomach. 

What the... 

“B-But... But we use protection,” you simply stated, still in shock as you tried to comprehend what Peter had said. 

You were pregnant? 

“It doesn’t always work I guess,” he shrugged and you just blinked at him. “Are you alright?” He then asked  seeing how your eyes were still wide with shock. "I-I totally understand if you don't want to keep it, I know childbirth can be stressful and then you've actually got to look after a baby, a-a real baby, with no previous experience and we're just starting to live our lives so it would-" 

You just took a steadying breath in, causing Peter to be distracted from his nervous ramblings. You were definitely unsure of how you felt, knowing you needed time to think. 

"Are you alright? " Peter asked again, restraining himself from rambling on this time so he could listen to you. 

“I mean... It’s a baby,” you simply said and Peter chuckled lightly. “An actual baby, a... A mini you. " 

“Hopefully more of a mini you than me," he corrected and you smiled brightly at him.

“So I slightly self-obsessed, but beautiful and intelligent girl,” you teased.

“Better than a nervous wreck of a boy.” You laughed at his words, his arm wrapping around your waist as he smiled, his heart warming at the sound of your laugh.

"I think you mean a nervous yet amazingly kind, generous and smart boy," you corrected and his smile, if it was possible, grew wider. He pulled you closer to him, head ducking down to bury into your neck as he hugged you. 

“What if she has your super strength?” You suddenly asked, pulling away and staring at him with concern. Peter shook his head slightly, hand going to cup your cheek and stroke a thumb across your cheekbone, slowly calming you down. 

“Don’t worry about it honey, we’ll deal with that when it comes to it,” he told you and you just slowly nodded. “Besides, it’ll be fun so see a four-year old win Steve in an arm wrestle.”

You smiled brightly at him, letting out a soft chuckle before taking a deep breath in, allowing yourself to relax after the emotional roller coaster you had just been on. 

"Wait," Peter began, frowning at you slightly. "How do you know it's a girl?" He asked and you blushed slightly before shrugging. 

"I... I've always wanted a girl so I just assumed it would be," you said, glancing down at your hands in your lap. Peter leant over, placing a soft kiss on your cheek before scooping up your hands into his. 

"I've always wanted a girl too."

***

You sat down at the kitchen table quietly, a mug of coffee cupped in your hands and a soft smile on your lips. Peter stood at the floor to ceiling window, your one-year old daughter his arms. Mary-Anna giggled as her dad bounced her lightly, talking softly to her with a bright smile on his face.

She lifted a hand, fingers brushing against his cheek as she cooed in his arms. He laughed softly before continuing his talk on what building was what in the city, pointing out through the window even though Mary-Anna had no idea what he was talking about.

You let out a soft, happy sigh, taking a sip of your coffee. Peter heard you and turned his head to look back at you, his smile brightening further.

“It looks like mummy is awake. We’re happy to see you, aren’t we, Mary-Anna," he said, smiling down at his daughter in his arms resting on his hip. He walked over to you, Mary-Anna's arms going out when she recognised it was you sat at the kitchen table.

“Hello, my beautiful girl,” you said, taking her from Peter and holding her close.

“Hello, my beautiful girl,” Peter repeated to you, kissing you softly on the lips. He slipped in behind you, arms wrapping around you to bring you both into a warm hug.

“Hi, handsome," you replied and Peter smiled, kissing you on the cheek before smiling down at Mary-Anna who sat happily in your lap, playing with your top. 

“You know,” Peter began, dragging your attention away from your daughter and to him. “I’ve never been happier.”

Your heart swelled with love, a soft smile on your lips and tears forming in your eyes from his words.

“I feel the same way.”  

*** 

Taglist (Sorry if tumblr didn’t let me tag you, check your settings) 

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