#hoping to still have enough energy when i get back from class bc there are chores/ stuff to do around the house

[bunnihearted]

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[1roentgen]

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[cameronspecial]

One for the Angel series

Maybe she has an eating disorder or don't like eating because she doesn't want to gain weight. Rafe finds out and low key gets mad at her for not eating for like hours and he's like "What's wrong with you, you need to eat something......" then becomes soft when she explains to him

Thanks love 🦋🤍

Let Me Feed You, Angel

Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Not eating for a whole day (not bc of an eating disorder but because she was busy)

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.7K

A/N: I altered it a little bit because Angel doesn’t have an ED. I feel she is much more likely not to eat because of school. I hope that is okay!

Masterlist

Ever since they started dating, it has been rare for Rafe to not see Y/N all day. He normally meets up with her at lunch so they can eat together; however, her group meeting during her lunch period impedes their routine. His plans to see her after his afternoon class are foiled by Wheezie calling in a panic because she had gotten into a fight with their dad. It took a good hour to talk to calm her down and then he texted Y/N about going over to her dorm. She finally responds to his text around nine o’clock and Rafe can’t contain his excitement, even if it is pretty late. He had dinner earlier in the evening because Kelce ordered something for the whole house and Rafe assumes Y/N has too, so the only thing on his agenda is cuddling her. He knocks on the door, fidgeting with his fingers while he waits for someone to answer the door. A short brunette with light brown highlights, which doesn’t match his girlfriend, stands behind the door. “Hey, she’s at her desk. I’m going out with some friends. See ya later,” Daisy announces, leaving the doorway so he can enter. He steps inside the dorm and locks the door behind him. Like Daisy said, he finds Y/N hunched over textbooks at her desk. It isn’t an unusual setting, but the dark circles under her eyes and her fluttering eyelids are new for Rafe.

Her nap typically helps her hold off her tiredness until eleven. A grumble coming from her stomach causes his eyebrows to form a caterpillar. He has been here for about a minute and she still hasn’t acknowledged her. This worries him. “Have you eaten anything for dinner yet? Why are you so tired?” he stresses, placing a hand on her shoulder for comfort. She jerks awake with her hand on her forehead, “Umm…. what time is it? I still need to get a late lunch?” His brain processes the information. If she hasn’t had lunch, then that means she hasn’t eaten all day. She doesn’t eat breakfast daily and snacks are not in her vocabulary because she prefers to just eat at meals. “Angel, it’s nine-thirty at night. Does this mean you haven’t had anything to eat all day?” he verifies. Her eyes widen as her head turns toward the clock on the wall, “I guess not. You can wait on my bed. I just need to study for another half an hour and then we can cuddle.” 

He shakes his head away and begins closing her books for her. “What’s wrong with you, you need to eat something. You are running on fumes. You can’t keep studying,” he argues, turning her chair toward him. “Rafe, I have a test on Friday and I can’t study that much tomorrow, so I have to finish this up,” she complains. Her attempt to reach for the books is halted. He holds her back, “Nope, we need to get some food in you.” “I already told you, I can’t. Please,” she begs. “I’ll be fine. I promise. I do this all the time.” This causes Rafe to loosen his grip on the hardcover book and his gaze to soften. He immediately takes his phone out to order food for her. She tilts her head at his actions. “What are you doing?” She stands to try to see what he is doing. He looks at her over his shoulder, “Ordering you food.” “I told you don’t worry about it. I’ll finish studying, then we can cuddle and I’ll go to sleep once you leave. It’s fine, I have enough energy to make it until then,” she informs him, sitting back on his chair. Not taking no for an answer, he wraps his arms around her waist and picks her up. She struggles against him and is thrown onto her bed. He lets out a sour chuckle, “It’s funny that you think I would let you not eat. It’s not healthy for you. So let me feed you, Angel.” He flops onto the bed beside her, burying his head into her neck. Knowing she can’t get out of this, she relents to his insistence. “Okay, I’ll eat, but I don’t like eating alone,” she whispers, lying her head on his. He looks up at her with relief, “Of course, whatever it takes to make you feel better.” 

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[hypnoneghoul]

I just got diagnosed with eds and ill have to pick up some knee braces tmr and im getting sm anxiety bcs I hate the hospital :/

Can I get a rain(and dew maybe?) fic w that exact scenario? I need my brain to chill 😭

i just scribbled something small very quickly in class, didn't want to make you wait, i know the feeling and it sucks. hope you like it and feel better about the whole thing soon. have some silly fluffy raindrop in the meantime

“Droplet?” Rain asked—mumbled—from where he was resting his cheek against Dewdrop’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” They have been stuck in a hospital waiting room for half an hour now. Rain had just gotten an official diagnosis and now the doctor told him to wait to get measured and fitted for knee braces right away. The diagnosis itself, even though a sentence of a kind, was a relief to the water ghoul. To the entire pack. It’s easier to fight back when you know your enemy and the peace of mind once the illness becomes a fact is unmatchable. The diagnosis was good.

But for some reason it was the braces that freaked Rain out.

“This is… weird,” he said, scooting closer to Dewdrop, chasing his warmth. It wasn’t exactly cold in the corridor, it was the hospital’s energy. Rain hated it, it all felt wrong and uneasy and filled him with additional anxiety about the whole ordeal. “The braces– it’s a whole… I dunno, ‘nother level.”

“Yeah, it is,” the fire ghoul agreed as he wiggled his arm from between him and Rain to wrap it around him and hold him close and warm, “but it’s not weird weird. Doesn’t make you weird.”

“I’m not so sure ‘bout that…”

“Would you say that to Zephyr?” Dewdrop asked and Rain bit his lip, his fake accusatory tone causing the water ghoul to smile a little.

“No,” Rain admitted. He brought his hand to play with a loose thread on the fire ghoul’s jeans. The jeans that had seen everything and somehow still were in one piece.

“People are gonna stare. I don’t like that off stage.”

“Exactly! Nothing wrong or weird in all that.” The fire ghoul shrugged, booping Rain’s nose with a finger. It was so cold that a second of contact was enough for Dewdrop to feel it and so he leaned down to kiss the tip of his mate’s nose with his warm lips. “We’re getting you something that’ll help. I am happy about that, even if you have doubts.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Dewdrop confirmed, but there wasn't any worry in his voice. He was confident in all he was saying and he couldn’t have known how much it helped Rain to feel better. “Humans do that, you know, but thankfully I can breathe some fire to take the attention away from you any time.”

Rain snorted at that. “You can’t breathe fire, droplet.”

“Sure I can,” he said matter-of-factly, squeezing the water ghoul against his side. “Besides, with your luck I bet your braces are gonna be the most badass things ever. And with your styling skill you’ll come up with the best outfits for them.”

“I’ll definitely try,” Rain chuckled, not caring about the people walking past them all the time. He leaned his body against Dewdrop’s even more, fully cuddling on the stiff plastic hospital seats.

“What’s that stupid slang thing that Phantom and Aurora use all the time? Oh, I know–” the fire ghoul giggled to himself. “You’ll slay, fish boy.”

“Serve cunt, even,” Rain added as he looked up at his mate and grinned.

“Lucifer, I’m too old for this.” Dewdrop shook his head. They both laughed for a few more moments before Rain’s doctor interrupted them, walking out of his office.

“Ready for the fitting?” he asked.

The water ghoul looked at Dewdrop, received an encouraging nod, and got back to the human. “Ready.”

[juyomiao]

Only ONE - sung hanbin x gn!reader

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14 ☆ extramarital relationship

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chapter warnings: hanbin is a bit of a shit bf ngl but its okay bc everything gets resolved 🥰 ; written part was proofread but i have the brain capacity of a peanut so ; 1 psych ward joke

written part under the cut (499 words)

you push the classroom door open. as if your mood being shit wasn't enough, the whole situation has given you a headache that's killing you, leaving you with little to no energy to go on with your day.

your eyes scan the nearly empty room, any hope of seeing hanbin quickly dying down. only woobin and yeji are here, you have no idea where beomgyu is and, honestly, you couldn't care less. the least you spend time in the same room as him, the least likely you are to commit a heinous crime that could get you a life sentence.

"where's hanbin?" you ask, turning to yeji. she hesitates for a second, handing you a paper with a sigh "this was already here when we arrived." you blink, confused, not even bothering to read the content of the letter. "he's officially resigning," woobin adds, as if it wasn't clear enough.

you shake your head, surely you heard that wrong, right? "come again?"

the door is pushed open, and then slammed closed again. "you heard them, hanbin resigned," beomgyu joins in the conversation, an insufferable smile plastered on his face.

"here we go," woobin sighs, expecting you to fight back. for some reason, that's enough to deter you from doing it, you already have a shit ton of issues - some bigger than you, than this student council and this school - adding to them won't do any good.

you finally lower your eyes to the paper, reading in disbelief its content. it is indeed a resignation letter, and it is indeed hanbin's resignation letter. you feel your hands starting to shake, "this is pretty much a confession, no?" beomgyu says, snatching the letter from you "should keep this safe, after all it's one of the few credible proofs we have," he gave you a fake pityful look "as if a picture and several texts where he admits to doing it were not enough."

you still can't process this. you are ninety- no, a hundred percent sure hanbin is innocent and is covering for someone else, but how could you prove it when his confession is right there, written on paper, ready to be used to expose hanbin's wrongdoings? you don't even know who he could be covering for

"y/n," yeji places a hand on your arm "i get this is a lot for you to take in, but we can't deny the obvious."

"yes we can," you say, ripping the letter from beomgyu's hands and folding it to put it in your backpack, earning several complaints by both him - loudly, because he can't shut up to save his life - and a few quiet ones from woobin, who is clearly fed up with the countless arguments the both of you have been causing.

"i refuse to let whoever framed hanbin get away with it, and i refuse to let him be a passive little bitch who accepts whatever the universe throws at him and just… lets it happen!"

☆ note: IGNORE THE TIMESTAMPS they r all over the place bc i wrote this through the span of like 3 days ,, written part is absolute asscheeks bc i had to rewrite it all in lowercase n present tense (i wrote it before chapter 9's written part even existed) n somehow add woobin bc he wasn't supposed to be there at first (n then i became a luvity with a need to make everything abt cravity)

☆ SYNOPSIS: sung hanbin is everyone's dream guy: perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect personality, he has it all. he's even class AND student council president! everyone loves him, and you, as his vice-president, are no exception to that. having been in love with him since you were 12, you try to tone down your feelings "for the sake of professionalism" and claim it's simple admiration for someone who objectively has no flaws. but there is one small detail you missed, in all these years admiring him: he has an even bigger crush on you.

☆ TAGLIST: (italics = couldn't tag) @hananovi @soobeaniee @idkwatodoanymore @huipinkhair @homohoons @sunnyglower @lethalvenus @sunoksunny @tocupid @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @winteringdream @ikeryn @ilovechanhee @thesiriusmap @hee-lanat @baekstans @blaycke @vernonfernandez @8turning @yeolsbestie @asteroidchenle @hvnyujiq @hikyeom @r4innoms @enhypen-scholarship @sulkygyu @meowrinz @rikimylove @ridinhyuck @lumixen @neohyxn @ceanairy @beomibeom @cherriegyu @sunwcloud @k4hzuhas @annoyingbitch83 @stickersim @dreamyyn @anawesomeaquatic @softforjungwoo @utopiakys @247hrs @sunswoonie @minhui896 @chanhee-hee @nxurxn @peachysohn @kpoprhia @haesunflower

[noah-liketheboat]

I’ve recently begun using a wheelchair. Here’s the scoop.

I also started using forearm crutches even more recently but we’ll get to that in a second post bc this one got too long

I got my chair for $325 on OfferUp. It’s a motion composites Helio A6, and it has some fancy cushions on it. All in all I got it like 88% off of original price and it’s in pristine condition. Well, it was, until I brought it home and within 24 hours my cat scratched the (pink!!) paint job and put holes in the cushions. Thanks Misty. It now lives in the back of the car for its protection.

I put a clip-on cup holder on it and purple/white spoke covers. It’s pretty sick.

I use my wheelchair instead of walking/standing probably 30-40% of the time.

Personally

Oh my god it’s helped so much. I have so much more energy. I don’t flinch when I stand or walk. I can wait in line for food. I’m not dizzy, embarrassingly sweaty, and spacey just from standing in line anymore.

Because the previous owner spent literally $1,000 on special cushions (seat and back), I have the comfiest seat in any room 96% of the time. 10/10 would recommend. It helps with the back pain too obvi but first and foremost it’s so comfy.

I can go to the zoo. I get into the zoo for free because college but I can’t ever go because I can’t tolerate walking and standing for so long. But now I can go to the zoo!

I have more energy at the end of the day to participate in household chores and life. Before this, all my time was spent either in school or trying to recover enough to go to school again. Even doing my homework was difficult because of the fatigue, let alone date nights, hobbies, cooking dinner, sweeping the floors… it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner as well as my general being miserable.

Very steep learning curve. Very steep strength curve.

The ramp to my math class isn’t a steep grade but it’s long. When I started using it, I had to wheel up backwards. I got out of breath very easily and my shoulders were always aching something awful after going between classes. Now that hill is quite manageable and I only have sore shoulders if I’m going really fast or really far.

Wheelies. An unexpected but important skill. One that I am not good at. It took me weeks to get my wheels off the ground at all, but once I did I had a huge improvement and quickly was able to get my wheels ~6 or 8 inches off the ground. I still can’t sustain it though. I use them to go over bumps and get started up awkward ramps sometimes.

It’s been an amazing improvement to my life. I’m more independent, in less pain, happier, and more energetic. I should’ve done it earlier.

Observations:

People are weird. They talk to me more. Like, strangers ask me how my day is going in the elevator, people make small talk when they hold the door. This isn’t necessarily negative, but it is weird.

Kids stare. Adults also stare but they try to hide it. I don’t mind when kids stare though. They’re just curious and unaware.

I’m always a little nervous to ever stand up or walk out in public in case someone either thinks it’s a miracle and starts praising the lord or like hate-crimes me for “faking.”

When I wheeled in to all my classes after spring break, my teachers and seat mates were all instantly “oh my god what happened are you ok???” It’s a little awkward to explain that it’s just nerve damage that’s been getting worse.

People usually say “I’m so sorry” or “I hope you get/feel better soon!” And it’s like. I know their intentions are good, of course, but I don’t want people to be sorry! This has been an amazing life change for me! Also I’m not getting better, certainly not any time soon, and conversation gets awkward after that.

I think when I tell people it’s not really a “get better” thing, I think they at least subconsciously think it’s terminal or something?? Like. I’m not dying of nerve damage. I had nerve damage before spring break too. It’s just I finally decided to do something besides suck it up and hope I can make it through the day.

My campus is not as accessible as I once thought. The main culprit? UNLEVEL SIDEWALKS. They are the bane of my existence. My right arm will be pumping like my life depends on it and my left will be almost doing nothing. And then later when I’m doing the other way it’ll be the opposite.

There’s no ramp on the other side of one of the buildings I walk through to get to class. That was awkward.

There’s also a lot of cobblestone-type walking areas. Not only are they hella bumpy to wheel on, but they’re old and not well maintained. The cracks between slabs and the potholes can and will eject me from my chair if I’m not careful.

Funny story #1:

I rolled into the disability center on campus to take a test, as per usual (extended time and testing environment accommodations) and they had me wait while they got everyone else seated, which was weird, and then the testing coordinator came over to me and sat down next to me and was like “heyy how are you?” And I was like “I’m good, I’m good! Ah, well—*gestures to chair* yknow.” And she goes “Yeahh of course… so is this… new?”

Is it new??? Ma’am you see me every three weeks on the dot for tests, and every time for the past two years I’ve walked in on my own two feet, and today I come rolling in as I’ve transgendered into a vehicle. Yeah it’s new!!

Don’t worry I didn’t say that. I said “yeah, well, kind of. The chair is new, but the reasons aren’t. It’s just helping me a lot and my life is easier with it.” or smthn like that and she was like “oh ok good cool great”

Anyways, she just needed to tell me essentially that she would have me take my test at a height-adjustable table. Same room, same everything. Just instead of sitting in a test cubby I’d be at what’s essentially one of those standing desks. I was all nervous just for her to sit me at a table I can crank up and down like an old car window.

Funny Story #2

I’m rolling across the courtyard(??) in front of the library where they were having one of those random college of business things with tents everywhere. You’re aware. Just trying to get to class.

I hear “Hey! Excuse me, hey!” from behind me and I turn my head to see a girl frantically waving me down running across the grass. Naturally I’m intrigued.

She gets to me, a little out of breath, and then goes “Would you be interested in playing tennis?”

I look down at my chair. I look back up at her. “Ah… no…”

She was talking about adaptive tennis. Which I could’ve guessed probably but I was caught so off-guard and I was real confused.

She invited me to join the adaptive sports program/club thing, which is headed by a disabled professor but run entirely by able-bodied students (who get a class credit for volunteering with the organization, essentially). I told her I was really new so probably not, but I was willing to look into it. She gave me the professor’s email and I sent him an email like “hey one of your students flagged me down to talk abt adaptive sports but I’m shit at wheelchairing so probably not but I’d love to meet up and chat and get to know more about the program and stuff.”

It’s been a month. I haven’t gotten a reply or acknowledgement or anything.

All the stuff I can find about the program is obviously directed towards able-bodied students wanting them to volunteer or take the class. The Instagram has a post with each student in the class getting a slide with their lil intro and stuff. The professor only appears in group shots. At any rate I’m not that invested.

Personal Relations

Abled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: oh no!! I’m so sorry!! What’s wrong!! That’s awful!! :((((

Disabled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: omg that’s amazing I’m so happy for u :)

One exception to the able bodied trope: my youth group Bible study, surprisingly. I was sharing that I was really feeling a lot of turmoil about my decision and all that jazz and they were like “just do it. you already know it’s the right choice, and ur strong enough to do it” and they all “oohed” and “ahhed” when I rolled up with it next week. 10/10 queens.

My wheelchair has caused so many personal relationship issues in my life. So many.

Suddenly everyone’s a medical expert in me specifically. Everyone besides me knows what’s best, and what’s best is not a wheelchair. People who used to ask me what was wrong with them when they had a tickle in their throat or fell on their foot funny have apparently become scholars on complex hashimotos, nerve damage, neuropathy, and any and all suspected other conditions I may have. I wonder when they had time to do that, since they still don’t know how to care for a simple kitchen injury.

When I point out that the alternative to the wheelchair is constant+worsening pain and ask them if that’s what they think is best, these overnight medical experts get all huffy and don’t have an answer.

I have done extensive research about all my diagnosed conditions and possible ones over the course of many years. I’ve been in and out (mostly out) of at least a dozen doctor’s offices and done several rounds of different types of PT. I also live in my body 24/7. One of my earliest memories is of waking up my aunt at night during a sleepover because my nerve pain wouldn’t let me sleep. I wasn’t any older than 4. Back then the only words I had were leg cramps and growing pains.

I didn’t know my pain was abnormal for a long time. I’m good at hiding it. I’m good at “pushing through.” I experienced severe medical neglect, to the point of it being life-threatening, for nearly 2 years in the TTI and I was punished any time I tried to advocate for myself and my needs or really even talked about how I wasn’t physically well.

Basically I gave up trying to truly tell people how bad my quality of life was when I was about 16 because I wasn’t believed and I was often punished and/or had it used against me.

Nevertheless, everyone (read: my partner, my parents, and my partner’s parents) in my life thinks that I’m terrible awful wrong bad lying etc. for using the chair.

I’ve been using it for ~2 months and this is the first week my partner hasn’t argued with me about it or made an unnecessary comment. #1 worst thing they’ve said is that I’m “neglecting half of my body” by not walking 24/7. Oooh that made me mad. I do my PT almost every day, I stretch every day, I know exactly what almost every ache and pain originates from, I check in with my body constantly throughout the day. But I’m “neglecting it.” Not to mention that after my second appointment my Doctor specifically said he wants me using the chair until at least June.

My partner was originally very supportive, but then they talked to their mom and suddenly everything changed and they are borderline vindictive about my chair. Their mother is a Doctor, true, but most of her career she was a PICU nurse and also knows exactly nothing about my medical history except that I’m allergic to pecans and walnuts. Oh, and their dad has a friend who cured hashimotos by going gluten free, so obviously I’m just not trying hard enough or smthn. ((I’ve been almost gluten free before. No change.))

I cried every week about their attitude towards/comments about my chair except for this one. Every time I felt confident about it I would remember everything they said and my shoulders would physically slump. But no matter how many times I brought up how hurt and uncared for I was feeling, it ended up with me crying and them being either the same or more solid in their beliefs.

My therapist is a saint.

On the brightish side, my family and partner have finally begun taking my health and chronic issues seriously. I went to the Doctor two weeks after I got the chair and got started on a new medicine (a loop diuretic if anyone’s curious).

My mom keeps asking if I’m “better yet” and it’s really hurtful for some reason? She wants to know all my improvements, but when I start to say how my chair has helped so much, she cuts me off and says “no I mean the medicine.”

I am on the lowest dose they make, and I only take it every other day. I haven’t lost any weight since starting it (loop diuretics work by flushing excess water out of your body via peeing every twelve seconds, and this leads to weight loss. It’s estimated I’m carrying ~30lbs in water weight). Again, it’s been nearly two months. I’m the pissmaster 9000 every other day.

My mom at some point said she just “can’t accept that I’m in a wheelchair at 20.” My brother in Christ, what does that even mean? I’m not even using it full-time, or even the majority of the time.

I’ve had a follow up with my Doctor since I started but he kept me on the same dose even though I told him I haven’t lost any weight. Cest la vie.

He did tell me he wants me using the chair until at least June, and if all goes well he’ll start me in (another round of) PT, and it sounded like he wanted me doing decently intensive PT because he asked if I was in school in June and said it was good I wasn’t. If I go to PT, the chair usage advice will be passed on to them.

This post got far too long. I’ll split my crutches experience into a separate post and link it here once it’s up.

The chair herself. Yeah it’s in a bathroom don’t worry about it.

[sillycicle]

mha oc!!!1!!11!!

hes so silly I love him so much and he doesn't even have an actual name yet 😭 I've had this guy rotting my mind since December when I last hyperfixated on mha and decided to finally give him an overhaul (hehe) and actually design him

Im about to start blabbering about his quirk and story so if you want to hear more just go ahead and read but be warned!1!1!!

His hero name is the Energy Hero: Starboy and his quirk is Light Energy Manipulation. He's able to manipulate light energy from the sun & other light sources, all having different effects when in use. As he uses his quirk more and more, his hair slowly starts turning more white. When he uses his ability his white hair also shines iridescent, like a rainbow.

His horns and tail come from his father, who had a quirk that simply gave him horns, a tail, and manipulation of his own energy. His mother had a quirk that would make her hair light up and glow like the sun - but thats all he was told by his adoptive parents, as he was abandoned alone on the street with no memory when he was five years old. He was told that his father was murdered, and his mother was missing, so he devotes himself to heroism in order to make sure nobody else leaves children and family alone of the street to defend for themselves.

Energy from the sun & stars: gives him his basic fighting style, which is creating waves, shields, weapons, transportation, and all around general use. Its similar to Denki's, but only a bit. If denki was able to refine and control his quirk w/out the use of support items, he'd be exactly like my oc lol.

He later figures out that energy from the sun & stars gives him a new ability as part of his Quirk Awakening: Lightspeed - this ability gives him the ability to move his position in time. There's two versions of this ability, Red Shift and Blue Shift - they rewind him and fast forward him respective to the color shift they match. Also it isn't time travel, its more just like??? If he fell off a building facing one way, when he uses lightspeed to rewind himself, he can move freely during his way back up, but he's still moving upwards??? Like he can turn around and face the way he wasn't before??? Hope that explains it. He can also use this ability on objects and people that he touches, but only for the duration of this ability in use.

This ability also has heavy drawbacks on him, and he regularly suffers from nosebleeds, head aches, and tremors after he uses it (he almost died from a nosebleed in class once bc Aizawa was tired of him leaving to go to the nurses. He never made him stay in class again lol). Similarly, is he uses this ability on other people more that regularly, they suffer the same conditions, just lessened. The first time he uses this power, his body is rewound an entire day as part of his drawbacks, but his body being rewound rarely happens after her begins to train with this power.

Energy from UV: He can turn invisible and things he touches invisible, kind of like Violet from the Incredibles. This ability is primarily used as an ultimate move.

Energy from Incandescent Light: sort of electric-like, similar to denki's, but he uses it less because its for difficult to harness and get enough incandescent energy for use. Also, incandescent energy is regularly mixed with his sun energy, so its kind of useless to try and seperate it.

He is involved with any arc involving the whole/most of the class like the USJ and Sports Fesival arcs. He is also involved with the Stain and Shie Hassaikai arcs, and maybe more as I continue to rewatch the show. He also plays a supporting role in the Two Heroes movie, and his own arc that happens because why wouldn't i give my main mha oc his own arc??? What???

During said Starboy arc, he has some shenanigans with a villain who basically has a quirk similar to (what i know of with my limited jjk knowledge) domain expansions. Also iida is a big part of this arc too bc he's my fav character why wouldn't i involve him in my main oc's arc??? What??? Anyways, Starboy and Iida literally dance to beat this villain lol. Also Starboy almost levels a 10th of a city ❤ After that, his right (your left) eye is permanently in a sunburst shape and he is semi-partially blind. He also has sunburst-like scars on his hands and forearms after this battle. His original character design had ties to AFO and stuff, but he was WAYYY to plot relevant and could've lowkey replaced Deku with his backstory alone lmao.

He's closest with Iida, Kirishima, Kamanari, and Sero. He's also pretty close with Shoji, Tokoyami, Ojiro, Hakegure, and Mina, but not as close as the aforementioned four.

Also the last photo is his winter costume =p

[imalwaysinconfusion]

this is gonna be about Nebuya’s parents and how he came to be born, and is my first time doing HCs so please bear with me :)

His dads name is Andwele/Andi and he is from Tanzania 🇹🇿 and his moms name is Alisha (idk, it’s giving that forme) and she is a black american and they met in middle school (american school system)

Alisha would bully tf out of Andi bc he was the new and he was not having so he kept the same energy but cussed her out in Swahili that shut her up

she liked that and tried to be friends with him afterwards AND IT WORKED by the time they hit 7th grade they became friends and he also taught her a bit of Swahili actually

When they got high-school they gained feelings for each other freshman year and they both knew this, Alisha was waiting on Andi to make the first move but she got impatient and just straight up asked him to be her boyfriend

he said yes while standing in shock like this: “😮”

they got together and became INSEPARABLE, you couldn’t see one w/o the other <3

After graduation and being awarded valedictorian and salutatorian (i’ll let you decide which one got what) Alisha, being the baddie she is, joined the Army and Andi went to college for Software Engineering

When Alisha when to basic training it was hard on them bc it was the first time they have been separated like this without any contact but being the strong willed people they are they got through it

After she got back from basic Andi surprised her with a trip to California Disney for completing the grueling training she went through (she cried up a storm) and he just needed a break from classes

On the last day of the trip they went to see the fireworks show at the castle and he proposed to her and she said yes 🥹

Right after the proposal Alisha got right to work on planning the wedding, Andi had no say in the wedding because he said he didn’t want to “ruin her special day”

BUT she made him pick the color scheme which was blue and white (WHICH ATE BTW)

After a 1 year and 6 months of planning, preparing, and being perplexed about the wedding and about being engaged they said “i do” and went straight into the honeymoon phase

BUTTT that didn’t last long because she got orders to be stationed in Tokyo, Japan which they were both very excited about.

They had 3 months to learn as much Japanese as they could and they learned enough to hold a small conversation

When they arrived to Japan, Alisha found out she was pregnant!!! (they wanted to keep the gender a secret) so she had to go on leave and stayed home which she could handle by herself

Andi at the time started a engineering job for one the top 7 software companies in japan, but don’t worry he still made time for Alisha and took care of her any way she needed

but he still felt bad about not being home enough so he bought a dog to keep Alisha company ( she was an Akita named Star)

By the time her 3rd trimester came they were very nervous about the birth

when i mean “they” i just mean Andi, Alisha had to smack him a couple times to get him to calm down and act straight

then one faithful morning Alisha’s water broke but she was didn’t notice so she was just peeing thinking she just drank too much fluids

Then Andi was like “girl your water broke” and she said “oh that makes sense🧍🏾‍♀️” and they went to hospital

When they got to the hospital (they are both fluent atp) and told the staff what they needed to get for Alisha

and alas OUR BIG BABY NEBUYA EIKICHI WAS BORN

And mean like 9 pounds 9 ounces big, he was a chunky baby (the BEST babies btw)

After the birth one of Alisha’s commanders said that they could move back to the states since Big E (yes that is his nebuya’s nickname)

But Alisha said “i am not about to leave a country when i spent months cramming the language in my head… we staying”

The end :)

a/n this was just random and this is cannon ( i was Alisha’s left big toe) hope y’all enjoyed it!!

[autisticgaledekarios]

Stick with me- lyney & lynette

TWS: Heavily implied Child Abuse & PTSD ,also slight implied transphobia if you look .

Extra’s: all of the siblings are autistic.Lyney is also ADHD, transmasc lyney , Also [——] isnt any other character its just a replacement for Lyney’s deadname bc i dont wanna give him one

WC: 1034

Rule one.Dont cry.

The unspoken rules had left the siblings scarred for years, it had been a while since they had last spoken with their ‘father’.

Each of the three had different ways to avoid the treatment if they were caught, it varied usually from a comforting hug when they were younger. Or sometimes at the beginning of their distraught. But quickly switched into words harsh enough to give you whiplash.

Lyney could still hear the words ringing through whenever he felt himself get upset. “Its just a dress, get over it.” or even worse. He could still feel his younger self crying and begging his caretaker to spare him the slightest glance, apologising over and over again in a futile attempt to please her.

It never worked, he would be ignored until the verge of a mental breakdown, sometimes well after it. When Arrlechino would finally give a sharp “youre forgiven” before continuing her current task.

Lynette suspected it was why he liked the attention so much, why he needed to be in the spotlight. Being ignored reminded him of the times he would be neglected in his harshest times. Lynette hasnt seen him upset since a few years back.

It was a nice evening, she was walking home with her brother. Not that she knew it at the time. He hadn’t had come out by that point in time. Freminet hadn’t joined their little trio then. They were only about six.

Lyney was rambling about his day, they had been put into separate classes unluckily, and lynette was more than happy to listen. By the time they got to the house. Father had already been standing at the door. A sweet smile on her face. Something felt off about it. “Lynette , would you mind coming upstairs with me? [——] you stay there”

She walked up with her Father, her cat ears twitched as she heard Lyney’s feet following them. If Father found out he would be in big trouble. So she hoped that he would turn around. Her Father led her into a side room, it was her office. Although, Father stopped, suddenly letting go of Lynette’s hand. And slowly turned to look at the door. Lynette’s breath hitched, she didnt want her brother to be hurt. “Lynette, stay.”

She sat down on her Fathers’s desk. Unfocusing her eyes to the best of her abilities. She didn’t want to listen.


Soon enough there were kicking sounds, shouts and screaming ringing through her ears. She felt bad, Lyney had only went to make sure she was ok. But now he was getting hurt instead. The screaming held up, eventually everything went pitch silent. And the noise of footsteps up the stairs, they were lighter now. She wasnt angry.

“Lynette!” She opened her eyes, seeing her twin staring at her. “Yes?” she replied, standing up. They had a show soon, but she wasn’t sure how long she had been zoned out for. “have you seen the concealer anywhere?” He said, making a show of glancing about. “i cant find it at all! Everywhere i look its not there!” he rambled, digging through some boxes. “Oh, i used the last of it” she admitted, her breath pausing for a second. Trying to gauge his reaction before continuing.

“oh.” he paused, suddenly his energy drained, and his hand went up to cover his eye for a second, his finger ghosting over the area under his eyebrow. She immediately knew why. So she spoke up.

“I can do some eyeliner to cover it up?” Lyney contemplated it, before nodding hesitantly. He didn’t like anyone going near his face, let alone touch anywhere near his eyes. Not even Lynette. But he was rather desperate now. He silently walked away, grabbing some eyeliner and eyeshadow.

“Be careful—“ he said, as they both sat down on the couch. She nodded, adding in a little hum when she realised he had closed his eyes. Up close you could see it,a small sunken in scar there. She knew when he had gotten it. But she never asked what had happened. And he had never told her either. People assume they tell each other everything, but somethings they preferred to keep quite, but they usually had some idea what had happened.

That night, about four AM. Lyney was lead back into their shared room by their Father.She closed the door without saying anything. Lyney walked over, shaking. Half of his face was covered in bandages , and he had a few bruises here and there. He crawled into her bed. And stayed there every night for the next few months.

She doesn’t think he sleeps properly anymore, neither does Freminet. They bond over it sometimes. She doesn’t mind missing out on their midnight snack adventures. She prefers her catnaps.

She finished the lines, making sure to cover up the scar. “you know nobody can see it while youre on stage?” she added, putting away the kit. And she’ll act tomorrow like nothing was said. And so will he.

[envieluvvicixe]

energy leeching(probably not in the way you think), social anhedonia with lack of interest, neurodivergent way of living with social people who are also neurodivergent and your friends. it's a long post btw.

i'm possibly being seen as a bad friend, but i know most of my friends that i've known and have put in the effort of being my friend know i ultimately care about them but they also know i lack certain things and i'm still very much learning. most if not all my friends are also neurodivergent and we share some experiences, however social anhedonia sometimes feels like an experience i've been going through completely alone and how it affects me and possibly the people around me. it affects me most of the time during free time and sometimes in school, of course in school in the way of working in pairs or group projects and i often opt out on doing things by myself if there is not someone i have already clicked and tolerate enough to ask to work in pair with me and after the first time i kind of assume that hey they're alright with working in a pair so i don't have to ask again and to this time it's been so.

mm.. messages are a struggle but that's a shared experience with lots of neurodivergent people, even with some neurotypicals. but to me it's a struggle with continuing after mustering it up to message the person bc i know they're waiting for an answer but some times ive done it on purpose so i can just hear the validation of "yeah it's alright i undertsand", "dw about it" and more to that kind. although this feels like i'm using the person to feel validated on a struggle sometimes, but it feels justified because most of the time i do literally forget i've messaged someone and already gotten an anser back or i've fallen asleep and woken up never remembing to check my phone again before it's been well over eight hours. it just sometimes starts to feel like a chore or something alike, especially when i'm doing it during my free time like it's not mandatory and i would so much just rather keep away. i'm not personally interested in hanging out with my friends out of school, it's just not something i properly enjoy.

not to talk about it feeling like it doens't matter at all, they know i'm their friend still, they know i care. at least i hope they do, because i truly do, i just find it meaningless to say so because my way of caring is not in the words. i do things to show i care instead. sometimes it strikes me so odd when i'm forced into a discussion or just plain old convo when my friend spots me on a hallway or the road when both of us are going home bc school ended or going to school bc it's about to start. my friend, the social introvert that i've been talking about who basically adopted me and taught me about boundaries has a way of showing her care by words.

Especially on words of affermition. and it sometimes strikes me a bit odd, because i've never really enjoyed getting praised on something that i see as meaningless everyday thing. Exception is, when it's from the people that i actually search that praise from exclusively giving me praise on something i'm actually very passionate about such as drawing, but turn an event negative and any praise that comes afterwards will feel disgusting and pointless to give(happened during ninth grade class when i had a hard time sewing something and started crying because i failed so many times that i literally felt worthless in a deep level of failing on it and my teacher tried to praise me on little things afterwards during that class and i literally felt like asking her to stop because now it made me so deeply uncomfortable.).

on another experience of mine with this social butterfly friend is that she tends to yank me into convos weither i want to be in them or not. and the thing is i often think i show emotions on my face, when in truth i just stare at people in complete deadpan or with very very little almost unnoticable amount of emotion that they don't register to be there. so most of the time whether i am with her or someone else i will stand there with a deadpan expression and merely nod or hum bc i most of the time don't actually feel like speaking is important as long as my opinion isn't asked or there is no question in the sentence. Although being honest with you i do sometimes (feel like i) miss the question que and i have to ask them straight up if there is a question somewhere or if it was a legit question they were asking me and not a story they were reciting that had a rhetorical question.

i tend to avoid some of friends sometimes, and even the social butterfly that is my friend. since the social butterfly will literally pull me out to talk to me during end or start even just during school because she feels like it i kind of have no choice but to engage with them(although this person is very literal with boundaries and so, often asking if it's alright to come with you or if you want to be alone if you say you want to or will go out to get some air, she literally wouldn't even get mad at you for saying that you weren't currently interested in a convo bc of being tired lol). but i benefit of convo personally alot bc of her being very high energy so i don't mind because i often tend to leech off of that interaction because it makes a positive mark on my own energy. (as in i leech from her energy so ill be more energetic without making it a problem, it's subtle i don't think she realize it since they never avoid me lmao)

but this is not the whole case with my other friend that i see around school, he's i'd say more of a medium energy and i don't benefit much from speaking with him energy vice so i don't feel like speaking or interacting with him other than just either nodding a hi to him and walking past him after that because i'm not interested in talking to him. an exception is made if he starts the convo himself or the social butterfly is there with us, that's one of the only times i see mysef speaking with him in a full convo. (i speak more with him when it comes to words because we share some interests in marvel, spiderverse and ninjago to mention few that get us going in full on theorize this, headcanon that etc. unlike with the social butterfly if we aren't gushing about one of my classmate that ive got a possiböe aesthetic crush on, or gossiping about few of them bc some of them are old classmates of her and she wants to know if we're getting along etc or some shared interests in rpg and such.) i also tend to avoid people in school just because i'm never interested in talking to them at all, and even if i am i struggle to keep up with it before it goes away completely. i will literally just sit on my seat and stare at the wall ahead of me with the same never changing deadpan that warrants some glances from my teacher. apparently to my art teacher i seems solemn in expression while i have a resting bitch face when i'm completely neutral/deadpan looking lol.

is this shitty thing to do? yeah. do i care? no, not really.

oh also if you got to the end, i- congrats. literally this is a long ass post lol, you must have been bored af to read this.

[skybrightpixie]

Do you have any advice for someone who would want to make themes for their ocs? I think it would be fun but I was curious if you had any like. Pointers or something :V

this literally JUST showed up in my inbox and it was apparently sent 4 days ago hello

anyways yes (and im assuming you already have the means to make musical themes. if not, i personally use bandlab and then download it so i dont have to upload anything publicly)! BUT, im not gonna give technical advice bc that's not how i think of music anyways, so sorry if that's what you're looking for asjkdkjsa. i would find a way to message @sounddesignerjeans if that's the kind of advice you're looking for. take a lil class, if you need it!

i always think about the character's personality, their motivations, or what you're imagining the character doing and what those things make you feel. and when you get that feeling, how does that translate to how the sounds you're going to produce will be like. basically, tell a short story with your character using music!

i'm gonna expand more on that with examples under the cut if you're curious about that. maybe it'll help!

i'm going to use snippets from INVASION (Tóm's main theme) as my example for this.

i naturally drift towards the minor key in some way when i write music, which works really well for Tóm. he's a morally grey (or maybe specifically dark grey depending how you view his actions) character, so a minor key will. he's also an alien, thus the spacey synths.

i gave this main part a lot of energy because while Tóm himself is not a particularly ~energetic~ person, the joy he finds in killing his victims matches that of the loud crashing cymbals and reverberating synths.

in the first half of this snippet, most of the instruments/synths are at rest to let this one synth bass drone through. Tóm needs control, and he hangs onto it as best he can through a lot of different means. i like to use a droning bass to signify that because it's a long and steady sound.

in the second half, though, a main synths return to "fall down." dont ask me about the actual musical theory term for this, i dont remember it anymore dskjfdskj. anyways, i used this falling synth to show him unraveling over the course of the day. i use music very literally to show what i want people to understand. it works better for me personally than to use a lot of different complex chords and cadences.

as i've mentioned recently, this part is Tóm's leitmotif! ...or at least, this is one of em. the "scary" one.

i used in the "break" part of the song so that it would be the main focus. it's mostly used here to make it very obvious that this is his song. very in your face, also not unlike the featured character. if your have a more shy or mysterious character and you create a leitmotif for them, it might be fun to hide it behind other melodies but still be juuust noticeable enough.

AND THEN... i like this part, my personal fav:

the first 15 seconds is the character having a conflict. i wanted it to sounds like he was arguing with himself back and forth about whether what he's doing is really justified, and losing on all fronts. the next part up to the 28 seconds mark is derivative of his leimotif, but constantly "falling." and then the rest with the piano is meant to sound like him hesitating and taking a moment to think about it before... well! he's already come this far and he can't take back what he's already done! and then the main chorus comes back 👍

and another quick note, this might just be something interesting for those who like to use visuals to "feel" music: find a way to watch the waveforms in your music. if your character is high-energy, you might want your waveforms to jump a lot, and lower-energy or sinister characters might want a smoother waveform.

that's all k thanks bye. i hope it was interesting to read and listen to, if nothing else!

[superfluouskeys]

I wanted to ask you, how do you deal when you're feeling rough mentally? You seem like someone who knows what a rough time is but you strike me as very self-sufficient and like you know how to handle your shit. Maybe that's a completely wrong impression, but that is how you strike me based on your blog lol. Since you have been on this Earth a bit longer than I have I wanted to ask if you had any advice haha!

Thank you so much for reaching out, friend! Through many years of trial and error, I think I can give you some pretty good advice, HOWEVER, disclaimer, while I tried to make this as general as possible, this is just what works/doesn't work for me! Wishing you better times ahead, friend, and I hope some of this is helpful for you!

Practical advice first:

When you are going through a rough time mentally, it's good to take stock of your commitments, and any other things or people in your life that take up a lot of your time and energy. A lot of the time, not everything on your plate is something you have to do at all, and many things do not have to be done right now. Think about how you can put some distance between yourself and stressful people/tasks, put off stressful people/tasks while you are dealing with things that require immediate attention, or whether you can completely remove some negative influences from your life. Even if you find you really do absolutely have to or want to do everything on your plate, it’s worth taking stock of that. NOTE: do NOT fall into the trap of removing joyful activities from your life because you feel you do not have time for them, this is a SCAM. You can set aside a tiny amount of time for something small that makes you happy, and indeed, you MUST.

Now, onto the remaining tasks. For me, it's very helpful to approach these with a "just show up" mindset. Figure out what the minimum-effort version of the things you absolutely have to do is, and do that. Focus your limited energy on things that canNOT be half-assed, and allow yourself as much slack as possible in areas where it doesn’t matter as much, while still participating. On a similar note, it helps to schedule yourself for some kind of activity where you have to go to a place for an amount of time. In-person is ideal, but Zoom classes or online meeting type things can help too, or even just going for a walk and sitting in a park or whatever is available to you. In my experience it sometimes helps to just pick up your crazy self and move it to a different location where you have to act semi-normal and focus on something else for a little while.

Example: I’ve had issues in the past with being too depressed to get out of bed, so I promised myself going into law school that no matter WHAT i would not skip class. I have come to class on no sleep, did not do the required reading, and actively cried through classes, but I was there, and it often helped to even me out a little bit, even if I ultimately had to go back and review the actual material. It’s best to set goals like this for yourself when you’re feeling kind of medium, i.e. not particularly good or bad, bc you don’t want to overestimate your fortitude or punish yourself for feeling bad; we’re just looking for results here.

If you are actively having an emotional episode of some kind, what has been tremendously helpful for me is to focus on my basic physical needs. Have I eaten, have I slept enough, have I had some water, would a shower calm me down? Sometimes this is for real like managing a toddler having a tantrum, but I cannot stress how much this can help. Even if you CAN’T currently eat or sleep for example, it sometimes just helps to know that maybe you’re not in the best mental state to be making judgments about the situation, and you should wait until you feel a little better.

To that point, some people find it helpful to put themselves on a fairly strict schedule to take care of their physical health in order to manage their mental health (eating/sleeping at specific times type thing). I personally find this disastrous, but I don’t know exactly why it doesn’t work for me; I think it’s probably just a personality thing. It can be worth a try, just don’t worry about it if you hate it and it doesn’t help. What’s important I think is just learning to listen to your body and respond to its needs without too much judgment.

Counterpoint, your brain will most likely absolutely RAIL against the concept of exercising. This is, however, a scam. Exercise will absolutely make you feel better, you just have to find something you like. Personally I only feel like I’ve gotten the good chemicals if I’ve at least broken a little bit of a sweat, but this will be very person-specific.

To the above point, and to doing things in general, remove as many barriers to doing things as possible. Lay out your clothes and anything else you need, have something simple like crackers available to you at all times, anything you can think of that’s gonna make you go “ohhhhh nooooooo oh god i can’t do this” when the time comes to do a thing, mitigate it to the best of your ability beforehand. I encourage you to think outside the box on this also—if there’s something you can think of that’s kind of silly or weird, but it wouldn’t be bothering anyone, and it would make your life happier or easier? DO IT!

I have an example but it’s about third-hand: a woman told her therapist she was constantly worried that she hadn’t unplugged her hair dryer; the therapist said, well, why don’t you just bring the hair dryer with you? then you’ll know you unplugged it. you get the idea.

Talking to someone else, a therapist or a close friend, about your problems CAN help, but I think the importance is overblown to be perfectly honest, and I know so many people, myself included, who have had really difficult experiences with trying to find someone who is safe or helpful to talk to. While it’s good to vent and to have people who will support you during rough times, I can tell you from personal experience that you don’t need to have a close circle of supportive friends in order to feel better and to start leading a more fulfilling life. I’m not saying you don’t need friends LOL, and I’m not saying DON’T talk to ppl if you do have people you can talk to! Just that if you don’t have that right now you’re not doomed! You can learn and grow a lot from other people, but ultimately the real growth has to come from you. Strengthening/growing your social circle is a whole separate thing.

Counterpoint, helping other people or otherwise offering kindness to others can be helpful IN MODERATION when you’re having a rough time. Don’t overextend yourself or give more than you have, but putting some good out into the world can make you feel a little better generally. Volunteer for something, help someone with a task, send someone a nice note, leave an artist a nice comment, it can be very simple! Connection to the larger world and all that.

More meta advice:

Get to know yourself. Specifically, learn what is normal and not normal for you. This can help you to predict when you are about to be having a bad time, and it’s always easier to pre-empt than to recover. If you notice something that feels off for you, you might be able to start taking extra care of yourself in less disruptive ways, and you might not even get to the bad stage where you really have to spend a lot of time and effort to feel better.

Ultimately you are probably not feeling bad for absolutely no reason. You might not know the reason, and there probably isn’t any way to really know every possible reason you’re feeling this way, because you can’t freely access absolutely every memory and brief experience that your body has committed to memory and is now choosing to react off of. Give your body some credit—it might know something that you don’t, so to speak. If you are feeling off, start thinking about how you can trust that feeling and work with it, not against it.

We can’t always change our circumstances, but we often have more control than we think. You can choose to focus your time and energy on the things and people that bring you joy and/or improve your life, and likewise to remove or de-emphasize the things and people that make your life worse. This is easier said than done, of course, but it’s worth thinking about.

Finally, remember that nothing lasts forever, and better things may be just around the corner. When I was at my lowest I chose THE DUMBEST reasons to hold on another day—if it works, it works. Literally just think of like, a song you love that you didn’t know about a few months ago. What if the next song you love will come into existence tomorrow? It's a silly example, but there are more beautiful things in this world than we can possibly imagine, and you could stumble across the next beautiful thing that will remind you why life is worth living as soon as tomorrow. Always worth sticking around to find out.

Again, wishing you all the best! Hopefully some of this was at least mildly helpful, and of course please feel free to reach out again!

[rainbowglitterandpixiedust]

I posted 303 times in 2022

19 posts created (6%)

284 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@reputayswift

@the-sun-the-green

@venus-academia

@mauve-h

@oh-we-are-the-infinity

I tagged 178 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#spotify - 10 posts

#green - 6 posts

#🍓 - 6 posts

#🧚🏼‍♀️ - 5 posts

#audio - 5 posts

#cottagecore - 4 posts

#🌼 - 4 posts

#lilac - 4 posts

#☁️ - 4 posts

#academia - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 74 characters

#i feel like i shouldn't reblog this bc it seems too personal but here i am

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

embrace your genuine wonderment for all the mundane things in life ☁️🍵📖

3 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

#4

I worked my whole life just to get right, just to realize everything I need is on the ground

3 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

#3

but i'm a peach...

In Love class one night when a girl said, “I know why I’m so despairing all the time. It’s because I want to be loved by everybody, and that’s a human impossibility. I could be the most delectable, the most delicious, the most wondrous peach in the world, and I could offer it to everybody. But there are people who are allergic to peaches. Then they may want me to be a banana.” And so often we become a banana for other people who want peaches. What a messy fruit salad. Isn’t it all right to say to them, “I am so sorry I cannot be a banana. I would love to be a banana if I could for you, but I’m a peach.” And you know what? If you wait long enough, you’ll find a peach lover. And then you can live your life as a peach, and you don’t have to live your life as a banana. All the lost energy it takes to be a banana, when you’re a peach!

“To love is to risk not being loved in return.” And that’s all right too. You love to love, not to get something back, or it isn’t love.”

“To hope is to risk pain.” And, “To try is to risk failure.” But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, and is nothing. That person may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he or she simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live, or love. Chained by certitudes or addictions, that person is a slave. He or she has forfeited our greatest trait, and that is our individual freedom. Only the person who risks is free.

To keep you hidden, to lose you because of self-defeating ideas is to die. Don’t let that happen. Your greatest responsibility is to become everything that you are, not only for your benefit, but for mine.

Living, Loving, and Learning Leo F. Buscaglia

4 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#2

I hope you know you're not alone Being confused ain't right or wrong You'll find that you're your own best friend And no, that ain't a fuckin' metaphor

I been putting work in healing myself Still got room to grow 🌱☀️🎇

4 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how i grew in 2020 & 2021

✨ taking the time to do what i love and to recharge

🌱 doing things that benefit me but are uncomfortable

❄️ learning to let go of things i have no control over

🧚🏼‍♀️ taking time to meet the real me - not the expectations of who others want me to be

🌈 growing in solitude and independence from people

⭐ overcoming the fomo

⛲ realizing that quality over quantity also applies to relationships and learning to invest in the right friendships around me

🌷 resetting my standards and building healthier relationships

🍁 setting boundaries

☂️ letting people in without only presenting the good parts

🐢 learning to be more patient with myself and not expecting too much of me - or others

🎐 expressing and recognizing my emotions

🌻 acknowledging the amount of energy i actually put into my efforts

🍄 learning to hold space for my feelings

⛅ learning to balance feeling things and not wallowing

🌸 learning how to validate my feelings without staying stuck in them

5 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[xmalereader]

Bruce Wayne X Male Reader

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|| Masterlist ||

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Authors note: The request was really long so I had to cut it in half! But don’t worry I tried my best to adding everything in! Hope you enjoy it! （＾ν＾）

Requested: Hey hey hey, is it possible to write one where Bruce (Pattinson) meets his old best friend from kindergarden after years? Reader is now taller than Bruce, WAY taller, muscular, handsome, etc, he used to be really small compare to Bruce but tried to act tough even though he looked like little angry kitten (and it worked bc others were afraid of him) but now he's just giant mother hen? Like yeah he's even more scary now, but he's chill?

Warnings: Fluff, Bruce is a shy man, donations, reader is a teacher, children, children being wing man’s, just really fluffy and adorable, Bruce is a rich bitch.

Tags: @zoethestarofthesky

Word count: 2k

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He thought he’d never see him again, but yet, here he is. The Bruce Wayne, standing in the middle of a field that was filled with families and children. The school of Gotham was hosting a small charity event where the small children would make things of their own and sell them to the rich who took interest in the children.

The event is to help them raise enough money in buying additional supplies and books for the children who were wanting to learn. He just didn’t expect himself to see Bruce, standing awkwardly as he watched the event.

It’s been years since they’ve last spoken. The two were teenagers when their friendship became a thing. Bruce was still young and closed off to the world after his parents death while Y/n was full of energy and found ways to enjoy Bruce’s company whenever they were together. As the school years went by, the two graduated and went their own ways.

He expected himself to keep communication with the Wayne but never had the chance too. He was far to busy with his future and never did he think he’d become a kindergarten teacher. Bruce always thought he’d be a business man or maybe work for GCPD, no, he instead decided to work with children.

Most of his students parents found him intimidating due to his large structure, most people thought he hated working here that parents grew worried of him. It all changed when he took the chance to meet his students parents, smiling and speaking softly to them as he spoke highly about their children the improvement. Even the children would return back with smiles on their faces and ramble on about how their teacher taught them new things.

He grew popular in the school that most teachers had a thing for him, which didn’t bother him. He kept to himself and would rather date people he didn’t work with, he couldn’t bare being around someone everyday if things ended badly. So, instead he focused on the kids and watched them grow.

“Mr. Y/n!” His attention is taken away by the children who stood behind their booths. “Yes?” He asks, smiling at the kids who stared at him with wide eyes. “Can we get snacks?” The children bounced on their toes, eager to sneak away and check out the other booths and classes.

Y/n grins and bends down to their height. “Do you really want snacks or are you just trying to escape with your friends?” He questions, watching the children gasp. “We would never!” One young girl says as the others nod.

He laughs to himself and stands up. “You all have been here for awhile, why don’t you go and explore—your parents are around, go with them for a bit while I stay here.” He instructs, the children cheering as they run off to meet with their friends or parents.

Y/n sighs to himself, he had one of the smallest classes in the school. Again, not many parents trusted him being around their kids but that didn’t stop him from giving the kids a good future and to having fun.

“Your good with them.”

He’s startled by a familiar voice, looking up to see Bruce standing on the other side of the booth. His hands in his pockets as he gives him a soft smile, a real smile that is rare for the public to see. “You changed—gotten bigger.” Bruce mumbled out, causing y/n to smirk. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Bruce shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad ways it’s just—you changed a lot from when we were younger.” He clarifies, his face growing red in embarrassment. Y/n hums. “You still look the same.” He points out. Bruce used to be a scrawny kid who was always getting picked on, he remembers Bruce trying to gain the muscle at a young age in order to be ‘better’ but it never changed whenever they were in school. Y/n was also short and scrawny like Bruce and after graduation he started going to gyms and living a healthier life style.

“I’m not that scrawny.” Bruce mumbled out, avoiding his eyes as he blushed. Y/n chuckles, finding him adorable.

“Mr. Y/n!” The two adults look over to see a young boy running towards Y/n. He throws his arms around his legs, hugging him as he giggled. “Theirs a booth selling goldfishes! Can we get one as a class pet?” A few of his other students joined as they surround him. “Please!” They said.

Y/n groans, making a thinking face before giving in. “Alright.” The children cheered until he interrupts them. “But—! Only if we sell everything we made by the end of the day.” He challenges, the children whining but accepting the challenge. “You all have by the end of the event, if we can sell the majority of what we have then we can get a class pet.” He explains, providing the kids a further explanation. The children all nod, determination on their faces as they all go their separate ways, trying to lure people towards their booth.

“Your a teacher here?” He hears Bruce ask, forgetting that the man was still there. He nods in response, “I’ve been a teacher here for three years now. The kids are always so energetic but I enjoy teaching them.”

Bruce hums, standing close by as he says. “I always thought you’d be doing something else, like working for the paper or for GCPD, not this.” He didn’t mean to sound rude, he was just surprised by the sudden change. Whenever they were around each other they always spoke about their future and what they would be doing. Turns out that they did the total opposite of what they planned.

“Those jobs sound interesting but I’d rather be here. I always had a soft spot for children and liked teaching new things. So, when I applied to schools I mainly got rejected—“ he sighs sadly. “Many schools didn’t trust a man like me to be around kids, they had trust issues.” He understood why, many teachers his age could do horrible things to children but he was nothing like them.

“I got lucky when this school hired me—struggled to get students since most parents didn’t feel comfortable, can’t blame them when I look like this.” He gestures to himself, Bruce looking at him up and down as he clears his throat. “You don’t look bad, just bigger.” He mumbled.

Y/n laughs. “Anyway, I started off small and when the administration took notice of my way with children they decided to keep me around longer. More parents grew used to me and the children love me.” He says proudly. He loved watching the kid grow, but can’t help but grow sad whenever they left to another grade. Hoping to see them again next year but knowing that he wouldn’t.

“So, I ended up here.” He repeats. “And you? Did you take over your family business?” He questions. He knew the Wayne’s were a popular family and owned a company. He just didn’t know if Bruce would be the kind of person to continue on with the legacy or to drop it and do something else.

“No, I—I took over, I couldn’t just leave my parents work behind, you know?” Bruce says with a shrug. He honestly never attended meetings, convincing Alfred to cancel or to reschedule as many times as he can in order to annoy them but most times Alfred would find his way to make him go.

“I’ve been getting used to owning a company and being in charge.” He adds. “Been busy a lot.” He was busy, just not as Bruce Wayne.

“Can tell.” Y/n mumbled, turning his attention to a couple who caught interest in their booth. He gives them a smile and lets them see what his students made for the charity. “Everyone gets busy.” Bruce steps closer, standing next to the booth as Y/n helps the couple wrap up the gift and take the payment. “That’s true, but it got so busy that we never had time to see each other again.” He blushed at the thought of seeing Bruce again after years and being able to go out together.

Y/n always had a crush on the man, but was far too popular and Bruce wouldn’t find someone like him interesting. He shakes the thought away and hands the gift to the couple, thanking them and watching them walk away.

“That’s one!” One of his students shouts as he held a finger up to show the others and him. He rolls his eyes. “You still have a few hours.” He reminds the kid who pouts. “What about him?” One of the girls whispers to the boy, standing near him and pointing at Bruce who froze.

“Yeah! Hey, mister. Do you want to buy something from our class?” The young girl approaches Bruce and grips his jacket, pulling him out from hiding and towards the front.

Both Y/n and Bruce standing face to face with a table separating their distance. “What did you make?” Bruce questions, staring down at the little girl who goes around the table and stands on a step stool, pointing at different objects. “We made bracelets and stuffed animals!” She holds up a handmade cat that looked like it was falling apart, but the girl held it up with pride.

Bruce chuckles at the girls attempt of selling their items. “It all looks wonderful.” He praised the children who gathered around Y/n, hiding behind him or standing next to his side. Y/n crossed his arms and smirks. “So, buying anything?” He questions.

Bruce smiles. “I think I’ll buy everything.”

Y/n’s eyes widen in shock as the children gasped. “Wait, you can’t just—“

“I Can and will.” Bruce states. “As a matter of fact, I’ll buy everything and buy the goldfishes if your teacher allows me to take him on a date.” Bruce tells the children.

The children gasped and jumped all over Y/n, begging him to accept the offer and promising to take care of their class pet and to do all their homework. He had six children climbing all over him as Y/n groans from the weight. “Alright, alright!” He stands tall, causing the kids to freeze as they stared at him with wide adoring eyes.

Y/n glanced at bruce who stood waiting. He turns back to the kids and sighs deeply. “I’ll accept.” He mumbled out, the kids breaking out in a cheer and clapping their hands in excitement. “Yeah! Class pet!”

“Alright, that’s enough. Why don’t you guys wrap everything up so that we can send it to Wayne’s place.” Y/n glared at Bruce who's smile widens, happy that his offer was accepted.

The children scramble off him and rather you everything, wrapping things up in their own pace as they talk amongst themselves on what to name their new class pet and who will take turns feeding it.

“What exactly are you going to do with all of this?” Y/n whispers to Bruce, not wanting the kids to hear. Bruce shrugs his shoulders. “Probably donate it to the orphanage, those toys will cheer them up and will need them.” He explains, leaning against the table. “So, date tonight?”

Y/n’s blushed deeply. “I’ll be busy tonight with cleaning up here and letting the administration know about our sales but, tomorrow works for me.” Bruce reached over to brush his fingers against his hand, causing him to freeze. “Can’t wait.” He hears Bruce whisper before turning back to the kids, bending down on his knees.

“I have to go but someone will come and pick up the stuff, I’ll make sure to have your class pet ready by tomorrow.” He promises. The kids all nod happily, filled with excitement as Bruce leaves the fest.

Little did he know that he bought their class a pet chinchilla, getting the schools permission on the spot with no struggle.

[soulwillower]

semi-charming •  bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested:  Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :)    +      AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH     +     don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝

i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj

also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh  !!!!!!!!!

warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au, 

(losers + reader are 19+.)

4.1k words

♡

the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional. 

it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that. 

but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake. 

a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise. 

it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door. 

your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes. 

three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.

"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either. 

“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music." 

you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off." 

then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation. 

"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding. 

"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give. 

"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in." 

your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it. 

"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him. 

you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?" 

you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms. 

but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?" 

that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person. 

but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst. 

your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg. 

you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.

it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall. 

but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!" 

his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him. 

"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either. 

"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts. 

he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet. 

"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack." 

he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf. 

he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot. 

you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you. 

he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip. 

it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane.  "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly. 

whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth. 

he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away. 

you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid. 

his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh. 

you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from. 

when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done." 

"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated." 

you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly. 

he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.

"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are,  i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk. 

"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out. 

"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you. 

you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you. 

then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own.  "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving? 

he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants. 

he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes. 

"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down. 

he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate. 

he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once. 

you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure. 

"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.

"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?" 

you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to." 

you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock. 

and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back. 

“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly. 

he looks like fucking heaven.

you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.

“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.

"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan. 

his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.

you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums. 

your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.

your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out. 

he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce. 

"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building. 

"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours. 

your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.

 "you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to. 

you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already. 

he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple. 

you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours. 

“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close. 

"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters. 

you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall. 

"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous. 

"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease. 

you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie  @decafcoffeew

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along.