#house more than anything else? do you think I don’t ask myself the same question every day??’

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I used to think ‘I got over my grief about being disabled a long time ago, I’m past it now’ well, no I wasn’t. Turns out having to take two semesters out of uni will poke all those old ‘I’m a failure’, ‘it’s my fault’, ‘I’ll never be able to study again’ buttons 🙃

[allbark-no-bite]

Don’t Say Love || Rafe Cameron x reader

summary: you notice Rafe is different in the mornings, softer in someways. Definitely not in others

word count: 2.1k

warnings: 18+ smut, wouldn’t consider anything in here a OBX3 spoiler

author’s note: this one’s pretty short and sweet. enjoy :)

Propped up only by my own elbow and a tangle of his limbs, I caress his timelessly drawn face. There's a half smile underneath my fingers, and I pass my index finger over his mouth. My finger ventures past his lips, pushing them aside to reveal glossy white teeth. Rafe reels his head back slightly as to ward off my ridiculous ministrations.

"What are you doing?" His tone verges on the rhetorical side, obviously possessing little interest in entertaining whatever I'm up to but willing to amuse me for now. It's the least he could do after being inside me just a few hours ago.

Nevertheless, I am relentless, as with all things in life and when he returns to my reach, rather than answering him, I pursue my venture again. This time he allows it, his lip curling upwards to indulge me further. My finger runs along the slick gloss of his pearly teeth — teeth that have both scraped along the tender skin of my throat and aligned on occasion to remind me of just what made him so attractive. I rather adored his pristinely bleached smile and it's viscous canines.

"I love you," I whisper to him. It means no more than the obscenities that I moaned into his mouth last night as he ground his hips into me. It's not a dramatic proclamation of my affection for him, nor a confession in the slightest. I just—I like him. I like him differently than I have ever liked anyone else.

He breaks into a smile and scoffs, almost laughing as he falls backs onto the mattress. "Don't say that," he admonishes gently.

I bite the bottom of my lip to keep from laughing myself. This whole thing was ridiculous. Turning to catch his gaze again, we smile at each other, lips pressed together to convey what we won't say out loud. Something inside me knows he won't be this way tomorrow. He won't share this same look with me, won't be this gentle or placid again.

The thing is, I would go all in if he let me. Would place all my cards on the table if he said he wanted me to. He needs a four? Sure, I've got a four. What else? I would willingly give him everything.

Laying in his bed together the morning after a party is an occurrence that has become more and more common over the past month. Admittedly a welcome one. We're not a item, probably never will be, but it's nice to think that he's mine for now.

With Rafe, things between us are so utterly simple. I don't think I've ever had so much fun with one person. And it's not even that he's so entirely special or even the love of my life. He's cocky and charming and a bit of a jerk at times, but I like that about him.

Sometimes, while we're laying in the darkness together, he tells me that if he had grown up differently he would be less of a nervous wreck and more honest. I tell him that I grew up mostly alone, in a small little house with my alcohol obsessed father, who was still growing up himself when he became a dad. That nothing was ever enough, but how was I supposed to know the difference? I tell him that his family is alright because at least he has siblings and a father who loves him, even if that love is questionable.

He smiles softly and pulls my hand away from his mouth, kissing the palm of it tenderly. His lips grace the inside of my wrist and warmth spreads through my naked body. I slip my leg over his waist, pulling myself on top of him. The white sheets that have been doing very little to cover our bareness slip further down my waist — I am sure much to his enjoyment. His broad chest expands as he breathes in, and I watch the steady rise and fall of it.

"Quit doing that."

"Doing what?" he asks, his voice still gruff with sleep, wondering what I could possibly be on about this time.

"That panty-dropping smile. It's ridiculous."

Twinkling, his blue eyes gaze up at me, as if storing the image of me to his memory. His billowy white shirt is barley enough to cover the top of my thighs from where I'm straddled over him, pining his hips to the plush mattress. The light coming in from the early morning sun seeps in through the curtains, slowly swallowing everything in his bedroom whole and washing us in gold.

"It worked, didn't it?" he chuffs, lazily sliding a warm palm up my bare thigh. Timidly, he hooks a finger on the edge of the sheet bunched around my waist and tugs it back slightly. Without an ounce of shame, his eyes dip down to indulge in my bareness. "God, you're so fucking sexy," he groans, his head falling back onto the pillow for dramatic effect.

Laughing, I lean down to kiss his puffy lips, and he graciously meets me part of the way. I pull away to press my lips to his chin, and then his jaw, and then his collar bone, spending no more time on the next than the first until I reach his shoulder. This time, I kiss the firm muscle there, lingering to drag my nose along his skin. His scent engulfs me – manly, with the lingering traces of expensive cologne and the musk of sex.

With all the tenderness that I can muster, I attach my lips to the hollow of his throat, close my eyes and breathe him in. I want to remember him. All of him. My tongue smooths across his salty skin, working to soothe the already bruising flesh. Beside my ear, the swallow of his throat echos clearly, but he doesn't budge beneath me. His skin tastes salty and raw, unsullied by the usual cleanly redolence of woody soap and washing detergent. I continue to suck until his taste is tinged coppery, and only then do I release him. The imprint remains after I pull away, the impression red and tender on his throat.

There, in the bruising flesh of his skin, is my only claim to him.

In a way, it is impressive — his charisma. He is so good at giving me nothing at all and making me feel as though I have everything. He breathes my name and it sounds like his religion. I'm an atheist, truthfully, but I have come to believe that religion is mostly subjective anyhow. I'm certain the golden cross around Rafe's neck means very little to him.

His jaw cracks open in a yawn, revealing pink gums and pearly teeth again as he reaches his arms over his head and flexes his legs beneath me. I reach out to graze my knuckles along his jaw, reveling in the barely there bristles and the way the sun catches on them, turning blonde to gold. In the morning light, his eyes shine wet with a combination of bleary affection and sleep.

After stretching his body into wakefulness, Rafe grabs my face in his large hands and draws me towards him, kissing my forehead, then my nose, and then the corners of my mouth. His thumbs caress my cheekbones, petting aside lose strands of hair.

"I've got some things to take care of today," he informs me vaguely while gently removing me from the entanglement of his body. Suddenly he's not underneath me anymore, and I'm left on his pristine mattress alone.

It's my turn to stare as he shuffles around the room. Smiling smugly to myself, I watch as he tugs on a fresh pair of boxers from the floor, the material fitting snuggly around him.

"Yeah?" I hum, trying not to sound too disappointed. "What kinds of things?" I really don't care, just want to ask him to stay a while longer, but I'm not sure I should push my luck.

"Family stuff," he answers mindlessly, effectively putting a stop the the conversation as he turns away. His retreating back gives me a perfect display of his sinewy body as he walks into the connecting bathroom. I wait, listening to the sound of water splash into the sink and Rafe brushing his teeth before I muster up the will to get out of his warm bed.

The title is cold against my bare feet, and I whine at the unpleasantness of the sensation. Immediately seeking the comfort of Rafe's warmth again, I curl around him from behind, my face pressed into his neck. He hums from around his toothbrush, one palm leant against the counter as he scrubs with the other.

Presented with the opportunity in which both of his hands are occupied, my own hand that is splayed across his stomach slides downwards. His blue eyes flicker up to mine in the reflection of the mirror. Teasingly, I cup my hand to palm his crotch.

He's already hard, straining against the thin fabric of his boxers. His nostrils flare, toothbrush still in his mouth as my hand slides back up, fingers slipping under the waistband of his boxers, warming to his skin.

Rafe dips down to the sink to spit and rinse his mouth before straightening, both palms gripping the counter. His chest heaves, muscles sliding over his ribs when I take him in my hand. He's heavy and throbbing. There is nothing deceiving about what's being concealed within the confines of his pants.

"You gotta go?" I ask softly, kissing between his tensed shoulder blades as my thumb swipes over his weeping tip. His hips stutter into my hand at the motion.

Rafe swallows heavy, head dipped down as he shakes it. "No, no," he dismisses, his voice thick. He clears his throat. "If you stop now I'll never get that thing tucked into my pants."

I nearly laugh against his back, pressing my lips against his impossibly warm skin again. His blue eyes narrow at me jadedly through the mirror. Not funny, is what that look means.

I pump him lazily a few times, twisting my wrist as my hand slides up and down his shaft. He's already slick with precum and likely very close to coming. There's an a large portion of it already leaking through the front of his navy blue boxers.

"Fuuuuck, baby," he moans, tucking his nose into his shoulder to get a grip on himself. "Jesus—fuck me."

With a whimper that's a dignified as he can muster, his body jerks when I rub my thumb over the swollen pink head. He's breathing hard at this point, trying to breathe and restrain himself at the same time. He won't let go until I say so.

"Good boy," I murmur softly, my lips attached to his shoulder, the top of his spine — the spine that I'm noticing is becoming less and less ridged with each passing week. With his dad off in Guadeloupe, his posture has lost the intensity that it usually carries. His brow has softened too, and he smiles a bit more often.

“You're a good boy, Rafe," I repeat. He is. He's good to me. He can be a good guy when he wants to be. I think people are so focused on this preconceived idea of him that he just goes with it rather than fighting it.

He whines, with his eyes closed, jaw slack, and head hanging down. I change the pace, alternating between pumping him until he's clinging to the sink and going so slow that his hips buck up into my fist, chasing what I won't give him.

"Please, (y/n)," he finally asks, his voice strained as he pants.

I hum, my body lounging nonchalantly against his back, admiring his ability to keep his composure for so long. He's beautiful like this, golden skin flushed red, chest heaving. So much to be trusted with in my hands.

The moment I give him the okay, he's spilling into my hand, his hot release dripping down my fingers and I'm sure the front of his boxers. He sags against the sink, body limp and boneless as the high of his orgasm fades away.

Smiling privately to myself at his sudden lethargy, I draw my hand away as he gathers himself. There's a crumpled towel on the floor that I use to wipe my hand. I’m not entirely sure it was clean in the first place.

Rafe nabs it from me when I’m done and uses it to clean himself up as well. Then, as if he was not doubled over, receiving a handjob against the sink moments before, he splashes cold water on his face and slips out of the bathroom. Through the doorway, I can see him opening and closing drawers as he searches for clothes.

"Very dignified," I hum watching him tug his pants on out of the corner of my eye. "Coming in your boxers."

"Shut up."

[sophrosynesworld]

with all my love,

Edit: This is now a series with more parts available. Enjoy!

This idea came into my head, basically your significant other is an absent Katsuki Bakugo. After months of a loveless relationship, you decide to leave this note and finally move on.

Dear Katsuki,

If you’re reading this, I’ve already moved my belongings out of our home. You might not believe me, but I’ve had the majority of my items packed in a suitcase next to the front door. It’s been sitting there for the past week, but you never once questioned it.

Each day I waited, hoping you’d notice, hoping you’d ask me about it. Each day, my heart broke a little more when you walked past it without a second glance. I wanted so badly for you to see, to care, to fight for us.

I can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired of sharing a house that feels more like a cold, empty shell than a home. I’m tired of sitting alone at the dinner table, my heart sinking with every passing hour that you’re not there. I’m tired of not seeing you for days on end, of lying awake at night wondering if you’re bleeding out in an alleyway. I might not be a pro-hero, but I’m still your partner. I was your partner.

For months, I fought to gain your attention back, praying to whatever god would listen. I used to beg them, offering anything they wanted, just so you would notice how much I've changed. I started working out again, sculpting my body into something I thought you’d find appealing, hoping to catch your eye like I once did. I even joined a cooking class, learning to make all your favorite dishes. I wanted to surprise you with a homemade meal. You would have known that, if you made it home for dinner once in 4 months.

Do you remember our first apartment after graduation? That tiny studio next to the noodle shop? I find myself there sometimes, watching the new couple who lives in our old place. It's become a painful habit, seeing them live out what we once had. Her boyfriend seems kind, and they slow dance in the kitchen, just like we used to. Sometimes, I can almost hear your laughter echoing in their space, as if our ghosts still linger there.

I remember when we used to laugh and dance together, our dreams tangled like a ball of red string. We would stay up late, talking about our future, making plans that felt like promises. Now, our home your home haunts me. The warmth I once felt has been replaced by a suffocating darkness. I don't know what changed, Katsuki, but pretending everything is fine is tearing me apart.

I often wonder what your biggest regret in life will be. Is it pushing your friends away, no matter how hard they try to love you? Maybe it will be all the times you let your anger get the best of you. Could it be not taking a moment to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate the simple, beautiful moments life has to offer.

I don't know if you've found someone else. Part of me dreads the truth. I don’t want to know if there’s another name on your lips, another face in your heart. I don't think I could bear knowing their name or imagining you whispering those same sweet words into their ear.

Izuku says it’s selfish, but I hope your biggest regret in life is losing me. I hope you see my face in every little thing—the flowers you never stopped to admire, the meals we never shared, the quiet moments you never savored. I hope my laughter echoes in your silence, my tears in your loneliness. I hope my memory haunts your future as painfully as our present haunts me.

If you still love me, Katsuki Bakugo, I haven't felt that love from you in months.

With all of my love,

[snowy-vee]

ALL MINE: Hidden Scene (1)

n/a: I will bring another ff that I've been working on soon ☆

NO ONE IS FREE UNTIL EVERYONE IS FREE

Chapter 2: Abby x Reader; Party scene

(…) someone took away the glass and took you somewhere no matter how much you protested. The other person had a strong grip, and no matter how vaguely you were saying to let you go, they didn’t.

It was Abby. You looked around scanning if you saw Ellie, if she saw you with her., she wasn’t near you and you had already entered the room feeling the hands of Abby on your waist while kissing your neck.

“What are you doing?” You said half-heartedly. It’s not that you didn’t enjoy the kisses but you weren’t in the mood, not when Ellie and Dina where downstairs giggling and having a great time but who knew if one of them wanted to go upstairs and suddenly open the door? You had to be careful.

“You don’t like it? Your moans this morning said different things”

“Yeah, you’re right but that was in the morning” You shrugged remembering how rough she was fingering you in the couch of the apartment and you liked it but what really made you reach climax was the furious face of Ellie if she found you two in that position in her house, in the couch she sits everyday. “Also, I am mad at you, you and I are nothing, stop making scenes after class. I don’t want people to think we are.”

“People or Ellie?” As she said the name of the auburn girl she stopped kissing you and holding you while taking a step back facing you.

“Again, you and I are nothing, why do you care?”

“I don’t get your game, If you want her, why not be with her?” She questioned before start smirking “Or is it because you’re not Ellie’s type? Oh, she is the one that doesn’t want to be with you, that makes sense! But what am I hearing? Ouch, it must be the first time someone rejects, huh?”

“You don’t know shit, Ellie loves me, we are best friends, we will be together forever”

“Yeah, I hear you, but you want more, right? Ellie won’t cross that line because she don’t see you as more than a friend… and for how I’ve seen her look at Dina, you don’t stand a chance” Silence. Your lips are pressed together in a thin line. “I did asked myself multiple time why you were having sex with me and the thought of you doing it to annoy Ellie passed my mind, but I dropped it, now it makes sense, you filthy bitch. Do you even know why me and Ellie don’t get along? Why she hates me? I doubt you do because you would never started something with me if you really did”

Abby was laughing and you? You started to feel humiliated, one, because she could easily read you and two, because it was true that you had no idea what went down with they. Years ago Ellie came to your house, tears on her eyes and her knuckles with blood saying that Abby Anderson ruined something special for her and how much she hated her by then, you only knew Abby from basketball games since she lived in another town and you were there to cheer on your local team.

Ellie made you promised that you would never have any kind of contact with her, which you promised while cleaning the blood of her hands “promise me, promise me, promise me” she repeated frantically and with a hurt voice.

“And what about you? You’re not better than me, you know that I am using you and you let me use you, thinking that I will end up with you in something more than sex, which will never happen, because you’re like a stress ball to me, whenever Ellie makes me mad I go and let take it all in you” You had some tears, more of anger than anything else but you wouldn’t let her talk to you like that “So between you and me, who’s more fucked up? Because at least I can be beside Ellie in every space, maybe not like a couple, but she likes to be around me, but you? I don’t like sharing the same air if it isn’t sexually and you can’t change that because if you open that little mouth of yours Ellie will fuck you up, I will deny everything”

And with that you opened the door and closed it behind you laughing while cleaning the tears until Ellie’s voice startled you. When Abby came out of the room she locked eyes with Ellie for a mini second, she could feel the rage in those green eyes… Oh boy, was she going to open her mouth? She was going to do more than that, after all, Images speak louder than words. You were going to regret that and come back at her.

taglist;; @boobdrug @lovelyxbaby @pedropascalsbbg@cherryimaa @yumimak @amberputh @cattjull @carylinflors @ghostlyfangs @teawithnosugar @azxulaa @elliesexual @gato-chino

[ilwonuu]

HIIII I HAVENT SENT A REQUEST IN A WHILE HEHHE ITS YOUR 🍒 ANON 💕💕

could i maybe request a jun roommates to lovers fic??? been in my jun era recently he’s so HANDJDJDJJAJAJ you can decide fluff angst or smut

THANK YOUU 💕💕

hehehe hi my angel🍒<33 i’m so happy ur requesting something eheheheh and for JUN!!! MWAH MWAH. i hope you enjoy !!

𝗑𝗈 （𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝖺𝗒 𝗒𝖾𝗌）

‧₊˚♡𝗐𝖾𝗇 𝗃𝗎𝗇𝗁𝗎𝗂

✿ 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀－ 𝖾𝗌𝗍𝖺𝖻𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉， 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖽𝗈𝗅！𝗃𝗎𝗇 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆！𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋， 𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌， 𝗌𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖽𝗈𝗆！𝗃𝗎𝗇 𝗑 𝗌𝗎𝖻！𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

✿ 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌－ 𝖺𝗐𝗄𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗌𝖼𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗆𝖿𝖺𝗈， 𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗌𝗆𝗎𝗍， 𝗆𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿𝗒， 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 （𝖿 𝗋𝖾𝖼）， 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗇， 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀， 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗒 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 （ 𝗃𝗎𝗇 𝗉𝗅𝗌） ， 𝗃𝗎𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗐𝗄𝖾𝗒 𝖺 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖿 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌， 𝗂 𝗐𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝖻𝗈𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗄 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗃𝗎𝗇，， 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾<𝟥

✿ 𝖺／𝗇－ 𝗁𝗂𝗂𝗂 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝗂’𝗆 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗋𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗁 𝗅���𝖿𝖺𝗈！！ 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖺 𝗃𝗎𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝗊 𝗁𝖾𝗁𝖾𝗁． 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗎 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗍<𝟥 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗆 𝖾𝗇𝗁𝗒𝗉𝖾𝗇’𝗌 𝗇𝖾𝗐 𝖺𝗅𝖻𝗎𝗆 𝗂𝗍𝗌 𝗌𝗈 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 😭

everyday your thanked the universe for giving you a civil roommate. the universe aka minghao. he introduced to the cutest person you’ve ever met. he was so so kinda and considerate of you always and you never had to ask him to do anything because it would already be done. that was already more than enough for you but he was also very cute. like very.

jun was so kind hearted and you absolutely adored that about him. he was so so thoughtful too and that made you even more found (in love) with him. you woke up this morning thinking of jun more than usual. okay it’s not just today- you always think of jun first thing in the morning. your smile is big while imagining his face. you crawled out of bed still with that picture in your mind.

you opened your bedroom door to the bathroom just to be greeted by the same boy leaving the bathroom.

“oh- sorry. good morning.” he stopped in front of you with an awkward smile as he moved out of the way.

“morning jun.” you smiled back as you quickly walked into the bathroom to brush your teeth. he went back to his room your assumed and you finished your morning routine before heading to the kitchen. jun was cooking breakfast it seemed and your nose was filled with the most delicious scent.

“ i can’t eat all this by myself. hungry?” he asked with a smile as you walked over to him. you nodded quickly.

“always. i’d love some.” he smiled satisfied as he turned back to the food. the two of you always having these little moments. the looks linger a little longer for both of you. neither of you are complaining but the other doesn’t know that. jun feels so awkward staring at you if he thinks you might think he’s weird. you definitely don’t think that but he is still anxious about it.

“oh- i wanted to ask you. i was gonna get some things for the house. i was wondering if you want to come with?” jun could only look at you for a little bit this time. he was scared of what you’ll say. he doesn’t know why but he just is. what if you think something bad? you looked at him with a nervous face as you registered what he just asked. he wants you to go out with him? okay- not like that like out of the house. but you’ll take it.

“yeah! i would actually love that. i was thinking of a couple things we needed.” you grinned at him. he nodded with a smile.

“great! want to go uhh after breakfast?” you sat down as he asked the question.

“sure!” he finished his cooking for the two of you with a smile.

“let me plate this for you.” he grabbed a plate giving you food first with a soft smile.

“i hope it’s good. let me know if you want something else.” you nodded as you thanked him for it. this is what you loved but also hated about jun.

why did he have to be so sweet? like what are you doing crushing on your roommate. jun joined you with his food. as the two of you ate it was comfortable silence shared with a couple glances towards each other when the other wasn’t looking.

you guys finished the morning with getting everything you needed at the store. not before being mistaken by an older lady for a cute couple.

“look at you two. beautiful couple.” she smiled at you two as you two walked out of the store. you both laughed it off a little but you knew you lingered on that thought for a while longer.

after that slightly awkward car ride home you two returned to your shared apartment.

“do we really look like a couple?” jun mindlessly asked as you two brought everything inside.

“i don’t know but if so that’s not good. you’re gonna scare away the hoes.” you say to him as you two get comfortable again inside.

“hey i’m not scaring anything! but can i ask like do you want to date someone?” you were shocked by his question but you didn’t want to seem too flustered.

“yea i do- i just don’t know if i’m really dateable.” you laughed it off but jun shook his head at you.

“what- you really think that? you’re great. you’re so pretty and cool. very dateable.” jun said casually with a smile. you don’t know what to think about his words. he thinks you’re pretty? no he has to be saying that to be nice to you. he always being super nice to you. (god are you so stupid)

“thank you jun- you’re all those things too. really.” he thanked you with a side hug before disappearing into his room for a small nap. you spent that whole time he was in his room thinking of cute scenarios with the boy.

you couldn’t help yourself. he was just too cute. you felt a little bad for crushing on the boy but you had slight hope that he felt the same. but you knew he probably just seen you as his roommate.

his small nap was a bit bigger than intended but when it was a little after 6 you heard a small knock to your door.

“want to watch a movie?” he asked you causally and you nodded without thought. you would never pass up the opportunity to hangout with jun.

“what movie are you thinking today junnie?” junnie. you don’t know exactly why you said it but jun’s reaction was enough to make you feel okay about it.

“another horror movie. i hope- this one is good! the last one was terrible.” he said as you two got onto your couch. you say close to him just how he wanted and he put the movie on. neither of you had seen it so you had no idea what to expect.

“i’m scared. protect me.” you joke as you hid your face into jun. he just laughed at you.

“you’re being silly. of course i’ll protect you.” he pretended to look around guarding you. your smile was now painting your face as jun smiled back at you before looking back at the movie.

“look at the cat! no if something happens to the cat i will cry.” he is quick to reassure you.

“nothing will happen to that cat.” it sounds like more of a threat to the movie. you find it cute how focused jun looked at the screen when he saw the cat.

“you’re a cat yourself.” you smile at jun making him blush at you words. the two of you were too busy laughing at what you said that you didn’t see that moving scene had moved to something very sexual. you didn’t know what took over you but your first instinct was to say something about what the guy was doing to the girl.

“i want that done to me.” you laughed a little. the guy on screen was kissing the girl against the shower wall.

“he’s not kissing her right though.” jun decides to add catching you both off guard.

“oh are you a pro kisser or something?” you laughed as you playfully teased him.

“better than that guy.” he shrugs with a half smile. the movie gets interesting fast as you and jun finally decided maybe movie night is done for tonight.

“jun?” you felt the urge to be closer to him. the two of you just sharing soft conversation. “hm?” he asked you as you looked at him.

“can- can i kiss you?” he was nervous to respond but he quickly turned to you.

“uh- yeah.” his face heated up as you slowly leaned into him. he could’ve never guessed that he’d be kissing you right now. the kiss started slow.

jun took kiss time with the first couple of kisses. jun was probably the best kisser you’ve ever kissed. his hand inched up to hold your face gently. he leaned over you slightly as you two made out for a while. the both of letting soft moans slip from your mouths. his lips were so soft. he was so soft with his touches with you. you pulled away from the kiss.

“you’re such a good kisser.” you made a playfully shocked face and he just laughed.

“you’re better and you taste good.” jun leans back into you for another small make out before pulling away.

“i’ve wanted to do that for awhile. i like you jun.” he smiled at you before pulling you into his arms.

“i’ve liked you for so long. will you be my girlfriend?” jun asked as he plays with your fingers. you can tell he’s nervous.

“of course. i would love to be your girlfriend.” you words sound fake because how is this real? jun is quick to close the space between you again. he quickly got on top of you while he left soft kisses against you.

“you’re so beautiful.” he whispered to you as he lays you back more. he rubs your thighs softly as he kisses you.

“you too.” you say without thinking but jun doesn’t say anything about your statement.

“thank you.” he pecks your lips as he feels you move his hand higher on your thigh.

“do you want something?” he asks you before you move his hand where you want.

“touch me.” jun didn’t have to be told twice he moved your shorts to the side with your panties as you felt his fingers against your clit.

“you’re such a good girl. can i call you that?” his voice sounds so sweet as he keeps touching you.

“mhm please jun.”

he smirks slightly as he watches you fall for his pleasure. he pecks your lips again.

“feel that good? you’re making such pretty noises. want more?” he asks you with his sweet tone. he kisses against your jaw and you feel him slip a finger into you.

“so wet for me. such a good girl.” you tried to respond but only a moan came out.

“junnie- please.” you don’t even know what you’re begging for. you don’t know how but with the pressure of his fingers against you you can’t help but to cum around his fingers. his touches and words just making your orgasm better.

“you look so pretty when you cum. i knew you would.” that really shocked you because what?? he was imagining you. you felt a little dirty as you sat up. jun cleaned off his fingers with his mouth before wiping the wet fingers on his pants.

“taste so good too.” you almost forgot about jun’s needs as he sat up with you.

“what about you?” you put your hand on his thigh and he shook his head.

“i’m okay. that was more than enough for me. i just wanted to please you.” you wanted to cry at that. you could only lean in to give him a hug.

“are you hungry?” he asked you as he left soft rubs in your back. you nodded at him and he smiled.

“okay let me cook something for us hm? just relax.” he said leaving a peck against your cheek.

“you’re too sweet jun.” he shook his head.

“this is nothing.” he kissed you softly for a little before getting up to start cooking for you guys. jun was such a sweet roommate. you are so grateful to say that you have a sweet boyfriend now too.

𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗌： @blackeyehuaaa @haechansbbg

let me know if you want to be in my tag list<3

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley)(Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 31

⚠️CONTENT WARNING⚠️

The two of us burst through the front door of Haley’s house. We were shivering, but still in a fit of giggles. We kept trying to shush each other since Emily is most likely asleep in the other room, but it just made us chuckle more.

We were still dripping with ocean water, so I volunteered to go grab some towels for us from the bathroom.

“They’re just on the shelf in there. You’ll see them when you walk in. I’ll be in my room when you come back,” Haley explains.

“I know where they are from the last time I was in your bathroom,” I give her a little wink, making her recall what went on the last time I was in her bathroom. I guess it was more about the night before we were in the bathroom, but I could tell she knew what I meant due to her blushing.

“Just hurry. I’m freezing,” she shoos me off and I scurry over to the bathroom. I fumble around for the light switch and finally turn it on. Just as I remember, there is a whole shelf of fluffy towels stacked up. I grab two off the shelf and head to Haley’s room. But when I get there, she isn’t around.

“Haley?” I call out loud enough for her to hear, but not enough to wake up Emily. 

“In here!” I hear her muffled voice through the door at the back of her room. It was the one she told me was a ‘work in progress’. “Just make sure to close the door quickly behind you!” she shouts again.

Cautiously, I turn the doorknob of the door and pull it open slowly. Sure enough, Haley was standing there waiting for me. Doing as directed, I shut the door behind me.

“Ta da!” she opens her arms wide and gestures to the room. I raise my eyebrow as I take in the room dimly lit by a red light. I can barely make out anything at first due to my eyes not being adjusted to the darkness yet. 

“Wow,” I sarcastically say, blinking rapidly a few times to get my eyes to adjust. 

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” she chuckles. I know her well enough to know she is rolling her eyes at me.

Finally, I begin to start making out some shapes in the room. I notice a bunch of the same shape hanging from a string across the ceiling. Right in front of me were 3 buckets fitted into the middle of a table. They appear to have water in them, but they are glowing red from the tinted light in the room. 

I finally realize the things hanging from the ceiling are a bunch of printed out pictures. I begin to pace alongside the string holding them up, admiring each picture the best I can in the darkness. 

“Welcome to my brand new dark room!” she exclaimed excitedly. She follows along behind me as I continue to admire the pictures strung up. “What do you think?”

“It looks great, Haley. I’ve never seen a dark room in person before,” I drag my finger along the edge of one of the water buckets. I then put both my hands on the edge of the table around the buckets and lean, holding myself up by my arms.

“You really have a thing for me, huh?” I question her.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Haley stutters.

“I have eyes, you know. I can see what’s in all of your pictures,” I smirk at her, still leaning on the table. 

There were many pictures of our day at Marnie’s farm strung up. There were more candid pictures of me than there were of anything else. Even in the low light, I can tell that the pictures she took of me made me look the best I have ever looked. 

“Well you are just a great model,” she replies as she walks over to one of the pictures and studies it. I stand up from the table and walk over to stand behind her. I noticed the picture she was looking at was one of me looking down at something while rolling up the sleeves of my flannel. Each muscle of my arm was visible even through the sleeve of the flannel. 

“Um…so, anyway… what do you want to do?” she turns to ask me, sounding a bit nervous. I was standing so close behind her, that when she turned around we were face to face. I feel her breath quicken when she surveys how close our faces are.

“Well I could say I could help you decorate in here, add some final touches and more decor…” I breathe out, as I slowly creep my hand up the side of her thigh.

“Or…?” she looks down at my hand tracing along her exposed skin on her thigh. 

“Or I could do this…” I bring my hand up and cup it against her cheek and jaw. I meet her eyes for a quick second to judge how she is feeling. Her eyes stare back at mine in a needy, desire kind of way. I take that as my sign and immediately bring my lips down to hers, not being able to take another minute of this tension.

Without hesitation, she matches the pace of my lips, moving hers effortlessly with mine. I feel her hands float up and wrap around my neck, holding me in place. 

“Oh Danny,” she moans between kisses, “I’ve been waiting so long for you to do this.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” I say breathlessly. Just as I try to go back for more, she pauses.

“One moment…” She steps out of my hold and dances over to the wall. I watch as she flicks a switch on the wall, causing the majority of the red lighting to go out. Only a single, faint, red light in the corner remains.

“Okay. I’m good now,” Haley rushes back into my embrace. This time, she is the one to go in for a kiss. Not missing a beat, I swoop down and meet her lips. I begin to slowly back her up a couple of steps to the table, not breaking away. 

When I feel her waist meet the edge of the table, I wrap one of my arms around her waist and lift her up so she is sitting with me between her legs. It gave us enough time to take a few quick breaths, but we urgently went back in for more. 

I have both hands rubbing along each of her thighs now, nearly pushing the hem of her dress all the way up. She has her fingers hooked into my belt loops, keeping my hips pressed tightly against her.

I feel her let go of my belt loops, and onto the collar of my flannel. She slowly slides down to the first button of my flannel next. There is a bit of tugging and fumbling, but it soon comes loose. She repeats the same motions all the way down my shirt until each button is undone. 

I don’t dare stop her as she tugs my flannel loose from my body and tosses it somewhere in the room. She begins to explore the bare skin of my upper body with her hands, tracing them along every crevice and curve. She soon feels bold enough to bring her hands up to my sports bra strap. As she does, I feel her heart begin to pound in her chest. 

Testing her reaction, I end up bringing my hands all the way up her dress, causing it to lift up to her stomach. I pull back to gauge my limits and see how she is feeling. She gives me a nod and even slides it the rest of the way off and over her head for me, causing her to have to shake her hair back into place. 

I can only stare at how gorgeous she looks, sitting so dainty on the table with me between her legs. My eyes widen as I notice she has matching baby blue, lace panties and bra on. That sly dog. She knew this was going to happen, but that only turns me on more.

She had tossed her dress somewhere in the room along with my flannel, both no longer to be seen for the rest of the night. 

“You’re beautiful,” I whisper into her ear as I lean tight against her body. She lets out a little giggle as I trail kisses down her jawline. The kisses down her jawline quickly turn to kisses down her neck, then to kisses just above her breasts. 

I get tired of bending weirdly, so I spin her around on the table so she is stretched out the long way, and join her on the table. I hover above her as I continue to kiss just above her breasts. Her hands have found my belt loops once again, but not for long because I notice her unbutton my shorts. I freeze once I feel my shorts loosen around my waist, realizing what she has done.

“Take ‘em off,” she whispers in my ear, wrapping her arms around my neck again.

“Yes ma’am,” I obediently start sliding my shorts off and toss them aside. I bring my lips back to hers, missing them already. Her hands slide up and down my back, slipping them under the back of my sports bra every now and then.

I begin to trail kisses down her body again, this time going to just above her panties. I drag my tongue up her stomach, causing her to squirm. I give a few playful bites along her stomach as well, making her squirm even more.

I find myself back at her breasts. Her bra is still on, but I kind of flick between her eyes and her bra as if asking permission to take it off. She gives me a knowing smirk and arches her back so I can get the clasp. I dive right for it, undoing it with no struggles.

She slides the straps down her shoulders slowly, building anticipation. Once off, she loops a strap around her finger and flicks the bra away. Shamelessly, I just stare at her bare breasts. She was posed so gracefully underneath me. Her hair was sprawled across the table around her head, her arms were stretched overhead, and her body just looked so perfect. She looked like a painting made by the most talented artist on earth. 

Without wasting another second, I bring my hands up to caress her breasts, bringing my lips down to join them. She starts moaning in pleasure, twisting her hands into my hair. Her hands then find their way back to my sports bra. Her movements are kind of hesitant and cautious, but she quickly recovers and brings my bra up my chest. I pause what I’m doing and lift the bra the rest of the way, causing her mouth to involuntarily open.

“Yoba, you are so hot,” she moans as she takes in the flex of my muscles as I bring the bra over my head. Her eyes trail down the rest of my naked torso, lingering on my chest and stomach.  I swear she is nearly salivating at the sight of me.

Leaning back down over her, I bring my hand down to her thigh. We both watch my hand travel down that way, our breathing speeding up even more than it already is. I dance my hand around her thighs, and slowly make my way to the fabric of her panties. I look back at her to see she is still watching my hand, biting her lip. I carefully dance my fingers to the waistband and slide my hands underneath it. She bites down on her lip harder and she closes her eyes, waiting for my fingers to finally make contact with her clit. When I hold my hand in place and don’t move any further, she opens her eyes and looks up at me.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” I double check, not wanting to push her too far.

“Absolutely I am,” she grabs my chin and brings my lips down to hers. I feel her tongue part my lips this time, getting more intense with the kiss. I move my hand farther down her panties just the way she hoped for. 

When my fingers finally met her clit, she was already dripping wet making for easy movements of my fingers. She moans against my lips, spreading her legs further apart for me. 

“Can I take these off?” I snap the band of her panties against her waist. She nods in agreement, not breaking her concentration from the movement of my fingers. I stop for just a second to take the last of her clothing off, and go right back to what I was doing. 

After a few seconds of just moving my fingers around her clit, I gently start pumping a finger into her. She arches her back a bit, letting out a little gasp. One finger soon becomes two, causing her to start squirming from pleasure. 

“Danny…” she moans, fighting to not make too much noise. 

“Haley…” I whisper back, causing her to whimper. Not too long after, I feel her start throbbing against my fingers. She grabs at my back and digs her nails in. She tilts her head back and lets out a gasp. I quicken the pace, and softly cover her mouth with my free hand with a smirk on my face. Emily is asleep in the house, we can’t be too loud. 

She relaxes her body and slows her breathing down, so I move my hand from her mouth and remove my fingers. I watch her face as she tries to recollect her thoughts and morals. 

She sits up on her arms and just stares at me straddling her legs. I lick my two fingers clean, which causes her jaw to drop. I shoot her a wink.

“I’ve never…had that so good…ever,” she sighs, still trying to catch her breath.

“That’s cause you’ve never had it done by a girl, pretty lady,” I smack the side of her thigh twice and slide off the table. Chivalrously, I begin to find her undergarments first. I come across what feels to be hers, and allow her to step into the leg holes of her underwear. She slides off the table and I yank them all the way up for her. I then hold the straps of her bra up and she waves me off.

“I won’t be needing that for the rest of the night. It’s pajama time,” she finds my flannel, bra and shorts from the ground and hands them to me. “However, I don’t have any clothes that’ll fit you… so you better hope nobody walks in on us sleeping.”

“So you get cute little pjs and I have to sleep naked?” I tease.

“I’m not complaining,” she winks as the two of us leave the dark room. 

“Mmm neither am I. I doubt those little pjs are staying on long anyway,” I flop onto her bed, tossing my clothes aside. 

“In your dreams,” she shoots back.

“It sure will be,” I chuckle. She slips on a light pink nightgown and gets into bed with me.

“That was nice,” Haley whispers after a few moments of silence, blushing immensely. 

[frozenjokes]

Penguins

TW: Grian has major depressive disorder and is going through a severe depressive episode. There are allusions to suicidal ideation, thoughts that are not explored in detail, but are present in this fic. No one is physically harmed, no one tries to harm anyone else, and the themes are mostly hopeful.

“Hey,” Scar waved as he ducked inside Grian’s apartment, a wreck as it was, but Grian didn’t care to clean up, “How are you holding up?”

“Hey,” Grian mumbled from his place on the couch, bundled up in six or seven different blankets. He didn’t entirely know how to answer that question, but Scar could probably assume not good since Grian had asked him to come over in the first place. They hadn’t seen each other since returning from the island, nearly a week now, but not from Scar’s lack of trying.. mostly. They probably both could have stood to try and speak to each other more. “I don’t know,” he decided, finally, “Depressed. But that’s normal. Maybe a little more depressed than average.”

“Hm. Want to go to the zoo?”

Grian snorted a short laugh, but shook his head, “I most definitely do not want to go to the zoo.”

“Darn. What about a hug?”

“I could use a hug.”

Grian tried to sit up, though he struggled within the confines of his self imposed prison, Scar helping him upright with a small chuckle and wrapping him in a hug given unconditionally to anyone that might need it. Grian closed his eyes. It didn’t have to matter that things were rocky between them, not right now. It didn’t have to matter because it didn’t matter to Scar, he would drop anything in an instant for anyone, but..

Grian wanted it to matter. He needed it to matter because he was so tired of this mattering, he didn’t want his world to be in so many pieces anymore, worsened by him and Scar continuing the stomp on the glass. He was too broken to go on like this.

“I don’t like the way things are between us right now.” Grian felt Scar tense around him, but pushed on through a choked up windpipe, “I was really confused about you. I like you, I like you so much, and I haven’t been able to stop, nor do I really want to. I know you feel.. it’s not that you don’t feel the same, you just feel those things differently, and I thought I knew what ‘differently’ meant, but I’ve realized I don’t really know anything at all. And I want to. I want to know.”

Scar was quiet for a long moment, the tension not leaving his arms, “I don’t know if I’m understanding. Could you be clearer?” The meek way he spoke was dizzying, and Grian was relieved he had someone to carry him.

“I want to know how you’d feel about dating. Don’t spare my feelings. Please. Just tell me how it is for you.”

“Okay,” Scar breathed, wavering, like the idea seized his heart just as completely as Grian was paralyzed under its weight. “I don’t mind it, dating. I like it, I do like it, but with you I’m afraid it might be just as stressful as whatever’s happening between us right now. Still, I don’t want to stop doing what we’re doing now. I know it’s bad for me. It’s bad for you. But I like you. I really like you, even when I’m angry at you. Even when it’s bad for me.”

“I don’t think I can carry on doing what we’re doing right now. I’m seriously.. I’m not in good shape, Scar. I’m really not in good shape. And it’s not just about you. It’s not even about Mumbo, my hand. Those things are there, piling up on the massive amount of- bullshit is the word I want to use, but that implies an emotional attachment I feel like I’ve lost the ability to feel. I’m exhausted. The weight of all my issues are latched to my ankles and the only way I can keep going is to just drag myself across the sidewalk by my fingernails. Who knows if I’ll make rent this month. I can’t afford not to care, but I’m too drained to get out of bed before 1:00. I haven’t left the house all week. I don’t-“ Grian’s voice cracked and he needed to stop talking.

Scar considered him for a long while. “I’m not so sure this is about dating.”

Grian didn’t know what to say. The words left him anyway. “I just want it to stop.” Scar stilled. Maybe he didn’t know what that meant, and Grian didn’t either.

“Let me help you with your rent this month, G. When is it due?”

Grian shook his head, he meant to do so violently, but instead he only jerked weakly into Scar’s shoulder, wretched when he spoke. “I already owe Jim money. I can’t- I can’t.” Scar didn’t know Jimmy, but that didn’t seem to matter.

“Are you still unemployed?”

“I don’t- Yes, but..”

“Then let me offer you a job. I’ll find a place for you, temporary or permanent if you like. Pearl and Impulse already love you, and everyone loves Pearl and Impy, the whole staff will take a shine to you, I promise. Hm. We don’t really have many fish besides the ones we feed the animals. Do you like penguins Grian? Oh you’d love the penguins, they’re like land fish if you squint and also don’t look at them at all. We have an underground area where you can see them swimming and hanging out and such, have you been down there before? Training can start tomorrow, we’ll log your hours in the meantime while I get you in the system.”

Grian didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to. There were about a thousand reasons he didn’t want to, but about a thousand more he couldn’t stand to fight this. Too tired. He was much, much too tired. So he didn’t say anything. Maybe that caused some concern in Scar.

“Why don’t we pack you a night bag? Something with a change of clothes for tomorrow that you can bring to my place, then in the morning we can drive together! We could have a classic sleepover, build pillow forts and read scary stories under the blankets. I could invite Bdubs! Cleo? I guess you don’t know either of them too well.. Pearl and Impulse? Any of your friends? I don’t have to know them, we could have a whole meet up!”

Grian wanted to cut in but couldn’t when Scar just kept talking, he wouldn’t stop, and Grian had to wait for him to burn himself out before he could say his peace.

“No. I can’t do that. I don’t want to see anyone. I can’t explain my hand and I can’t come up with an excuse. I don’t.. I can’t stay with you either.”

“Separate rooms, Grian, separate rooms,” Scar’s voice was yearning, the kind of energy that sucked the life right out of Grian’s lungs. It was that, the energy. Too much energy when he just wanted to be alone. Why had he called Scar again?

“No. I don’t want to stay with you.”

“Then I’ll stay here. I keep an extra uniform in the office, so it’s not super ideal, but I’ll just change at the zoo. We’ll keep it quiet, watch a movie if you want to, I’ll make you a nice dinner and we can eat together, yeah?”

“Scar,” Grian was wretched, the closest he’d come to crying after he thought he’d never have the energy to sob again, not that exhaustion the convulsions of his lungs and heart at the tattered breaths he couldn’t quite take completely, “I don’t want you here.”

He hadn’t meant the words harshly, only coming blunt with the absence of brainpower to reorganize them into something more civil, but Scar didn’t look necessarily like he took it personally. He just looked worried, concern continuing to crease the line of his brow at every passing moment.

“Someone else then, someone close to you. Someone who could stay the night, I could call them for you if you needed me to. Etho.. Etho mentioned you were saying some pretty bad things before we all got off the boat, I must’ve missed it with the trance thing but- I mean- I just don’t want you to be alone tonight, that’s all.”

And Grian understood. He understood maybe too late what Scar was worried about, mind too slow to call to mind the kind of dangerous trains of thought abysmally depressed people got up to in the quiet. He snorted, near silent, though the feeling was indignant. As if he had the energy. Grian closed his eyes, though this didn’t relieve the pervasive dry ache under his lids. When had this gotten so bad? What had he done wrong? It was better to think he’d done something wrong than to know he simply was wrong, that he could take his pills and meet his therapists and still it would not change the fact he walked his life on shifting sand, too petrified of falling to notice he’d already been sinking for months. And now, head below the grain, he finally noticed he couldn’t breathe, and the life-giving light of the sun could not reach him here, smothered below the surface. Funny, how it sneaks up on you like that. She’s a clever beast, depression.

“Stay, then,” Grian croaked, answering to the accusation that Scar had not spoken aloud, “If you need to, then stay.” He wriggled slightly in Scar’s arm’s which was enough to get him to release, Grian settling back into position on the couch. The all consuming need to be held had turned to some sick aversion, his misery of isolation flipping ruthlessly to misery he wouldn’t be left alone. Scar was left to sit beside him, though there was not enough room to fit comfortably with Grian laying across the whole couch. Scar looked away. Grian saw him fiddle with his hands.

“I hope you’re not upset with me. I’d be just as happy to leave if you’d rather someone else stay, or I could drive you someplace to stay with them.”

Grian shook his head. “It’s a shitshow.”

“What?”

“Me, sometimes. Most of the time.”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so!”

Grian snorted. “You don’t know.”

Scar was quiet for a long moment, green eyes dull in the low light, boring into the mangy carpet below. He looked up, meeting Grian’s much darker eyes with an emotion so intense that Grian’s own mind waned at the smallest attempt of feeling it. “I would like to.”

And maybe Grian believed him. It was a striking thing to believe him, when Grian often did not in the case of other friends and family repeating that same sentiment, no matter how genuine their intention. He struggled to believe them because he was depressed, that much was true, but his knowing these doubts were not rational did not stop Grian from having them.

They, most people that is, did not know the mess behind his eyes. The tar that coated the filing cabinets in his mind, his legs, his hands, until every movement was an inconvenience, every inconvenience a spark, every spark striking the dry tinder of his bitterness, building the ever growing flame of disorganized anger and frustration and erratic neuroticism that made him a deeply unpleasant person to exist around, and much worse to love. But Scar had seen it. Scar had seen it already, the ugly, obnoxious, hateful thing Grian was, impulsive and brash and mean, Scar had seen it, he’d been seeing it for months, stretching out his own hand, clawed and spiteful and equally vile, and he’d set a dance for the two of them, spinning and swinging and snapping and screeching until the both of their feet were raw, legs shaky, hearts broken, but more than broken, exhausted. Scar had seen Grian. Scar knew him, and it did not scare him, nor did Scar’s cruelties bother Grian. So Grian believed him, and while he was not pleased, he was resigned to how this night was going to go.

“Then.. I guess that’s fine with me.”

***

It was not glamorous, as all things with depression typically go.

The world blurred by whether he was inside or out, with people or not, resting or active, asleep or awake. The kind of sickness that did not ease regardless of the time spent on his phone, with his friends, in therapy, trying different medications.. all of those things felt a little like standing at the shoreline, the waves waxing and waning past your ankles, a feeling at the periferie of your mind. The same thing could be helpful one moment, the relief of cool water over your toes, then abysmally frustrating the next, happiness retreating back into the ocean, seemingly never to be seen again. Grian didn’t seem to be able to control these feelings either, whether an activity was good or bad was a surprise to him as much as it was to everyone else, and often flipped on a dime, usually for the worse. The arbitrary nature in it of itself was a cause of extreme frustration. (Grian thought he’d learned to accept this part of his chronic depression, but as with most things he had declared to accept for what they were, he was wrong.)

But some things did make it better, even if Grian was physically incapable of feeling much more than stress. Items which were going well for him he simply found reasons for them to be stressful, but in hindsight, he simply lacked the ability to see small miracles for what they were.

The zoo, as much as he loathed it most days, was good. Having a job, a reason to coax himself out of the house, that was good. Having money. Not a lot of money, barely enough, but enough to make rent. To pay Jimmy back. To chip in for gas occasionally, when his various friends would let him.

Grian did not have the energy to work a 40 hour week, he struggled even to work a feasible part time job, but Scar was so massively accommodating it hurt. Grian worked about four days a week, three or four hours a day, with some flexibility. There was just as much relief as there was misery in how clear it was that Scar did not need him at the zoo, but he tried to ignore it, compensating by doing the menial and/or tedious tasks most of the other staff would rather shell off to interns, which, by all accounts, Grian filled the role. He was not qualified or allowed to be in close contact with most of the animals, which didn’t bother him at all, and he was often shuffled off between Impulse and Pearl for various chores and housekeeping. He drove himself some days, but found himself to be too dangerous to trust on the road with others, and got some help from Jimmy and/or Joel with rides, as well as Scar and occasionally Pearl or Impulse if one of them happened to be heading out around the same time Grian was. It was odd and stressful relying on so many people like this, but affirmations helped, and the fact that Joel and Lizzie had flexible schedules due to their work as content creators helped even more. Grian still felt bad, but as Jimmy so aptly put one day, ‘You feel bad about everything, those are fake feelings, and you better tell those imposters to shove it before I climb in through your ears and give ‘em a piece of my mind.’ It didn’t stop Grian from feeling bad, but the looming threat of Jimmy sticking his fingers in Grian’s ears was enough to quell him most days.

Grian didn’t actually see Scar very much during the day. He seemed to disappear into thin air, only to be seen out of the corner of his eye in odd places like a Loch Ness monster level myth. Some days Grian missed him, longing for the company of someone sickeningly positive, who held enough energy to knock him clean off his feet. A lot of days Grian was glad for it, bitter and angry that he was here instead of home, that this wasn’t helping, that he was worse off as a zookeeper errand boy than napping at home. He was suspicious of Scar, feelings not his own but prevalent nonetheless, that Scar thought of himself as some kind of savior, that putting Grian to work was some kind of holy act, when in reality he was only drawing out Grian’s suffering.

But Scar was right about one thing, and this was something Grian could not deny or resent him for; it didn’t even trigger his benign paranoia.

Grian liked the penguins.

He wouldn’t say he avoided them week one, because while that would have been petty and extremely in character for him, his brain was too scrambled to even think about it. He’d forgotten Scar had even mentioned penguins until he ended up next to the building at the end of his work day mid-week two. It was hot, he was exhausted, but he was waiting on a ride, and while he would have sat outside regardless of his discomfort, the penguins were right there, and it had to be cool in there, right?

It was indeed, but not uncomfortably so. It was dark, and at 2:00 o’ clock on a weekday, the building was closer to empty than anything. It was quiet. Grian found himself wandering the building like a ghost, glancing at the various exhibits, then relieved to see the penguins had a large area to sit.

So he did. And he watched.

They were very cute. They were clumsy and uncoordinated, running into each other and falling over, and while they weren’t overly active, there were so many that there was always something to look at, or at least the threat of something about to happen, a penguin eying the water or another penguin squirming, settling. Grian found them easy to anthropomorphize, but just as the seeds of human-esc penguin drama were forming in his head, he got the call from Joel. Grian was not so enamored as to be disappointed he had to go, but with time that would change.

Grian could not tell them apart, but he did give them names. These names were assigned to whichever penguin he decided fit the role day by day; Turbo had a very high opinion of herself, always swimming and exiting the water with little care for whoever was in her way, Brittany and Sox were always together, huge gossips, just as obnoxious, Mayonnaise was the cool, mysterious type, he kept to himself, but the others were drawn to him regardless, and Max was a bit strange, but she had her friends, and they all got on well together. There were cliques too; Kickflip, Popcorn, and Baxter were always together, talking shit and ruling the ice under an iron wing, though most of the other penguins found them quite annoying, humoring them just enough to get them to leave the rest of the penguins alone. Poppy, Trippy, Slipknot, and Munch were living in their own world, no one else in their penguin habitar able to get them down except each other; there was a lot of relationship drama, everyone in that flock was a total mess.

In the middle of night, week five, Grian was struck wide awake by the desire to go see his penguins. The kind of thought that left you staring at the ceiling, gaping near drooling, shocked into stillness at the simple sentiment of wanting something. Grian hadn’t wanted anything other than to go home, sleep, and/or waste away for over a month, and he hadn’t anticipated that changing any time soon when getting out of bed was just as bleak and miserable as it was before. He nearly called Scar. He had to go see the penguins. Then the other apathetic 95% of him set in, along with the logical recognition that it was 2:30 AM, Scar was asleep, the penguins were asleep, he should be asleep, and also he didn’t want to do any of that shit anyway.

He did not go back to sleep.

Grian did not go to the zoo the next day either, mostly because he wasn’t working, which would have been entirely enough on a normal day; case closed, he didn’t have work so he wasn’t going to go to work, thank god, right?

This was the oddest part of depression; to see a spark of light and instinctively cover his eyes, to bury deeper under the sand, to smother himself when he forgot what it was like to breathe, because learning to do so again was more terrifying than continuing to waste. He was used to coaxing himself forward and hating every step. He wasn’t ready for it to be easier, mentally easier, but still so impossibly hard.

This was the worst part. Where he was no longer a miserable mind trapped in a dead body, but the same mind given the power to move, to act. Who might he hurt in the path of his own destruction? A mother? Student? Someone with potential, promise? Selfish, selfish. He considered hospitalization for the first time, if only for the benefit of the world rather than himself. Jimmy had suggested it weeks prior, but Grian had dismissed the thought, too exhausted to even consider checking his sorry ass into the hospital. But even now, all it would do was keep him safe, then he’d burn through his non-existent savings for the sole purpose of not dying, and what was the point of that? Hospitalization would not help him. It would not fix him, just like pills and therapy and going outside would not fix him. Even if it kept Grian’s condition from worsening it would not be worth it, and honestly, given the state of some hospitals, the dreary, hopeless misery that permeated the halls, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility he’d leave worse than he came in. And who gave a fuck if he got worse? He would never be better, never, he would never be better, he would grapple with this monster his entire life, and was it really- seriously, was it really worth it?

“Hey, Grian, what’s up?”

Grian hadn’t remembered dialing Jimmy’s number. He didn’t even remember picking up his phone.

“Grian?”

���Can you take my keys?”

“What?”

“My car keys. Can you take them?”

Jimmy knew what it meant. He knew. “I’ll be over as soon as I can, I’m leaving now. Ten minutes, probably? How about we stay on the phone.”

Grian agreed, quietly. He did not have much of a choice, but he would not have hung up even if Jimmy had never suggested he stay. He was afraid. Afraid of getting better, spurred into wretchedness by glimpsing a spark of light in the all encompassing, sticky darkness. Pathetic, utterly.

***

He took Jimmy to see the penguins. He took Joel, then Joel again but this time with Lizzie, he made Pearl come see them and Impulse too, despite the fact they’d both seen the penguins hundreds of times. He wished he could take Mumbo. It was the first time he’d thought of Mumbo in weeks, months maybe. Time passed oddly.

The stories Grian had weaved about his penguins had become intricate sagas, no longer kept secret, shared with anyone who would listen to him ramble on and on. He started to recognize them in earnest, no longer guessing when assigning them their names, and every single penguin had a name now, they were all part of his story, vast and important.

Grian did not take Scar. Not out of malice or anything adjacent, Grian just rarely saw him during the work day, even when he started to work more hours. When Grian did see Scar, he was usually busy, caught up with wrestling bears or entertaining crowds or whatever else it was that he did. Scar was a little intimidating to approach during the day, and while Grian saw him after work plenty often (usually against his will, but Scar was the pushy type), he felt a little silly asking Scar to go back to the zoo with him, despite knowing Scar would be delighted to do so.

But eventually, when the penguin house was quiet and Grian was alone, Scar found him. If Grian was being honest with himself, he’d expected Scar to ruin the mood, loud and brash as he was, but Scar seemed to understand the atmosphere he’d established, silent as he walked up behind Grian, then sidled around the bench, sitting beside him. Grian was startled to see him, guilt prickling at the edges of his mind, but Scar’s smile was kind, the soft light of the exhibit catching his face flatteringly.

“I keep hearing about these penguins second hand!” he said, the exclamation persevered in a whisper, “I feel like I’ve been trying to catch you here for weeks, you just slip away!”

“I don’t visit unpredictably,” Grian snorted, amusing himself with the thought of banter, “At the end of my shift, every day. Don’t you make my schedule?”

“Just because a man writes your hours does not mean he goes and memorizes it! Pearl and Impulse do more work ordering you around than I do anyway, they have far more to say about when you come in.”

“I don’t see how this stops you from checking my schedule and finding out exactly when I’m here.”

“You think I have time for that?”

“If you have time to look for me with the penguins, yes, I do think you have time.”

Scar inclined his head back, nodding thoughtfully. “Yes, I guess that’s true. If you hate fun.”

“Irrelevant.” Grian pointed an accusatory finger, poorly hiding his own smirk, “This isn’t about fun, I might even argue this isn’t about wasting time either, I think you’re just lazy.”

“What are you, a lawyer?”

“But laziness doesn’t quite fit, does it. It would save you time to check my schedule, and ultimately it would save you trips to the penguins as well, checking to see if I’m here. Laziness might be a factor; you’d rather check the penguins than glance at my schedule, but I think something else is going on here..”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“I think..” Grian drew out the words, Scar leaning forward on his hands.

“Come on, G! I’m on the edge of my seat here!”

“I think you like penguins!” Grian stabbed his pointer finger into Scar’s chest, the other yelping in sharp surprise and throwing his hands up in defense.

“Well if that’s the case, I’d say you’re probably right! I do like penguins. I can’t say I like them as much as you do though, there are certain areas of animal enjoyment of which I can not compete. You, sir, are the penguin king.”

“Not true.” Grian corrected him, having some success keeping his straight face, “The penguins do not have a monarchy, they don’t even have leaders, no matter what The Iron Wings have to say about it. You can humor them, but it won’t stop you from getting pushed around, no sir.”

Scar sat back, arms crossed and relaxed. “Please, tell me more.”

“Those three,” Grian pointed to one corner of the enclosure, where three of the larger penguins were congregated, huddled together, “Kickflip. Popcorn. Baxter. Those are the guys you gotta look out for, they’d like very much to disrupt the peace of the metropolis. Establish an oligarchy, take control. Secretly, they’re all in a relationship together, but they can’t let word get out, because penguin polyamory isn’t a socially accepted form of love yet. It was a long road of acceptance to get to the point where they could all confess their feelings to each other, a lot of ups and downs and sick jealousy, but they’ve made it, and they’re happier than they’ve ever been. The politics are really important to those guys, so this is a really big deal to them, but they’ve kinda failed to realize no one else gives a fuck. Don’t tell them that though, they’d throw a real stink about it. More than anything, the three of them just want to be taken seriously. Unfortunately they’ve gone about it by being assholes. Everyone finds them really annoying, but saying so just leads to more trouble than it’s worth.”

“I see, I see,” Scar nodded, like the matter was one of grave importance, “What about the people? What part do they play in penguin society?”

“Oh, people? I don’t care about the people.”

“I would think they play a pivotal role in penguin life given they’re always watching. Feeding them, caring for them, you know.”

“Well sure, but who cares about people when you can think about the penguins. I’m here for the penguins. They like people because people feed them, but in the end, people are irrelevant. This is about each other.”

Scar chuckled, “If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

Scar sighed, a content kind of sound, one that lead nicely back to the comfy quiet of the penguin exhibit, dark and cool and safe. They watched in silence together, only broken occasionally by Scar asking a question, or Grian pointing out a certain behavior that contributed to the plot of his penguin soap opera. It was nice, surprisingly lower energy than the regaling of the penguin characters typically were to Grian’s other friends, but maybe that’s because Scar found him first, Scar was asking the questions, and there was no rush to keep his attention. A good thing, decidedly. Very good.

“How’ve you been feeling lately?” was a question that seemed to come out of nowhere, a question Grian liked much less. Maybe Scar noticed, because he followed up quickly, “You look well. Every time I see you I feel like you look a little better, and maybe it's not true- it doesn’t have to be true of course, I’ve just been glad for you.”

“I’m fine.” Grian answered a little more tersely than he’d meant to, but he didn’t correct himself. Scar’s face fell.

“You’re not well?”

Grian shrugged, struggling not to be frustrated. “I’m fine. Not good. Not bad. Just fine. Probably starting to level out to the normal feeling of mildly shitty all the time. Planned a small fishing thing with Gem, we’re going to be out all day Sunday. I’m looking forward to it. That’s a novelty.”

“Goodness,” Scar hissed, his frustration firing up Grian’s own anger, bristling until Scar continued on, “All the time? You feel shitty all the time? How many drugs are you on where you still feel shitty all the time, come on. Who’s your doctor? What are they doing, kicking their feet?”

Grian snorted despite himself. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you.”

“I do! This is crazy, isn’t it? How long has it been, nearly three months now? All that time of you being so sick, and nothing being done about it. That’s stupid!”

“That’s depression.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Yeah,” Grian drew in a long breath, releasing it without joy, “It’s pretty dumb. Psychiatrists don’t even know why the simplest drugs help some people and not others. It’s a mess. I try something for a few days, it doesn’t work, I try something else, suddenly I want to die more than I did before, they take me off that, put me on something else. Who knows if what I’m on now is even helping, or if that’s just time. Sometimes that’s how it feels. I have a mental health crisis, everyone in my life starts buzzing around like frightened bees, trying everything, only for time to be what brings me back to the surface. It’s not consistent either, no ‘Just hold on for three months and you’ll be good,’ it's just.. waiting. That’s depression. Why does it pass? Why does it happen in the first place? Who knows.”

“That- That feels- That is so dumb.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, dude.”

“I know,” Scar threw his hands over his eyes with a short hiss, like the failures of neuroscience and psychiatry had wronged him personally, “I’m sorry. All of this just.. I want things to be okay for you. I want you to stick around. I like when you’re around.”

Grian shrugged, unsure what he meant by the gesture even as he made it. “I guess I’m glad to hear it. I’m doing my best.”

“I appreciate that. I appreciate you.”

Grian snorted a small laugh, unsure how else to react. “You appreciate my valiant effort to not kill myself?”

“I- Yes!” Scar piped up, defensive in his confusion, or maybe alarmed by Grian’s bluntness, “And I don’t think that’s a terribly weird thing to say, either! I do appreciate you! I think you’ve been doing a very good job of it too!”

Grian laughed in earnest, shaking his head and speaking sarcastically, “I guess I have.”

“You have!” Scar lunged forward to grab Grian’s hands, both of them equally, like there wasn’t a thing wrong, like there was no part of Grian that Scar would prefer not to touch. The movement snapped Grian out of his dismal, left helplessly to stare into Scar’s wide eyes, colored blue in the low light of the penguin exhibit. “You have. And I’m glad you’re here. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Grian didn’t know what to do. What to say. Like a rubber band stretched too thin, something snapped at the back of his mind and he broke into a fit of sobs, collapsing into Scar’s arms. Ending just how he started, but not ending permanently.

It wasn’t nice, sobbing was never a nice feeling, but it didn’t have to be nice. Depression was not nice, but love could fight just as dirty, couldn’t it, catching and holding you and forcing you to see it clearly, look it in the eyes and understand that even packaged with the grime, your friends would miss you if you went away. They loved you and they were proud of you and they knew it wasn’t fair, but they saw that you kept going, even when it was hard, even when you were so afraid.

It wasn’t over. Grian was still so fragile, he knew little of how to navigate the world he’d been absent from for so long, but god, he was going to keep trying.

The penguins paid the two of them no mind. They were caught up in their own affairs.

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 12

Hello! I managed to get this finished before bed. So tada!

Steve and Eddie aren’t on the same page yet, and Eddie fucks up.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11

***

As he drove Robin and Erica back to her apartment, (Robin refused to be in the same room as them because of how absolutely gooey they were around each other) Steve’s anticipation for tonight was ramping up. He had stopped by the store to get all the ingredients for tonight.

He pulled out his best wok and washed the rice, getting it started cooking before he did anything else. He cleaned and chopped the vegetables, getting them in the wok first. Once they were about half way done, he pulled them out and set them to the side.

He then cut up the chicken and started cooking it up. Then he made the sauce in the wok with the chicken pushed to the one side and then he mixed them together. He added the vegetables last, warming them through so that they had a crisp but not hard bite to them. He was tossing the mixture in the sesame seeds when the doorbell rang.

He dashed over to the door and opened it.

Eddie stood on the other side, hands shoved into his pockets and big smile on his face. “Hey-ya, Stevie!”

Steve blushed. “Come on in,” he said, stepping out of the way. “You’re right on time. I just finished making dinner.”

Eddie slipped past Steve and into the apartment. “Smells great. I can’t wait. I’ve been telling the guys about it all weekend. They are insanely jealous by the way.”

Steve smiled. “What? Can none of them cook?” He led Eddie over to the table where he started to plate up the chicken.

Eddie grinned. “Sadly, their talents lie in music and not cooking.” He sat down. “Gethin, Gareth’s twin can bake, but that’s really not the same thing as cooking.”

Steve chuckled. “No. Cooking once you know the basic rules can be tweaked in all sorts of ways. Don’t eat pork, dark meat of fowl like chicken or turkey will work. Or tofu if you’re vegetarian or vegan. Baking though? Gluten intolerant? Fuck you then, because you have to replace more than just the one ingredient you have to find three things to replace it so it acts the same way.”

Eddie nodded. “I call baking alchemy and cooking art.”

Steve smiled. “That sounds about right. Chopsticks or forks?”

“Chopsticks if you have ‘em,” Eddie said.

Steve went to the drawer and pulled out four black chopsticks with a silver band on top. He handed two to Eddie and kept two for himself.

“These are nice,” Eddie said, immediately digging into his food. “Wow. Shit, dude. So good.”

Steve blushed and took a bite of his food. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Where did you learn to cook so good?” Eddie asked around a bit of food.

Steve flushed. “It was either learn how to cook or eat take out every night when my parents were gone.”

Eddie looked up through his lashes. “Yeah, how often were they gone?”

Steve rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I think a better question would be when weren’t they gone?”

Eddie frowned. “What do you mean?”

Steve set down his chopsticks and sighed. “Look, you went to high school with me, you know I was famous for the ragers I threw. Do you know why I could throw those parties?”

Eddie half shrugged. “I never really thought about it. I was never on the guest list.”

Steve snorted. “Like I had any control of the guest list. That was all Tommy and Carol. Seriously. After my second concussion in two years that had me benched in every sport I was in except swimming, I realized they didn’t care about me. They only cared that I had absent parents, a cleaner that came every other day, and a huge house with swimming pool in the back.”

Eddie winced. “Is that why the parties stopped that last part of your senior year?”

Steve nodded. “So yeah, I learned how to cook to prevent myself from getting into bad eating habits and I just kept it up. I enjoy it. Not like tattooing but it’s fun.”

“Sorry,” Eddie murmured. “I sometimes forget that high school was almost a decade ago. You look so much like you did back then that I forget that all that shit is just water under the bridge. But I’m trying.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I appreciate it. I really do. Actually, one of my apprentices actually went to high school with us, too.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “Yeah, would I know them?”

“Would you know head cheerleader,” Steve said with a smirk, “and then girlfriend of the captain of the basketball team you final senior year?”

Eddie leaned his head forward. “Chrissy? Chrissy Cunningham? Are you shitting me right now?”

Steve shook his head.

“Hell yeah,” Eddie said with a grin. “Of course I remember her. Great girl. Glad she broke it off with that Carver kid though. He was one of those Christians that forgot the main principle the dude taught was to love everyone.”

Steve nodded. “I hear he’s one of those wackos that go around to public streets and harass poor people about religion for YouTube views.”

“Fuck, really?” Eddie hissed. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. Lucky dodge for Chrissy then. You thinking of snapping up that girl?”

Steve felt as though a bucket of cold water had been dumped right over his head. He thought that this was a date. He had done it again. Presumed too much.

“No,” he said softly. “Robin has a better chance with her then I do. Apparently she is a lesbian.”

Eddie furrowed his brow a little, wondering about the sudden mood switch.

“Good for her,” is all he said.

The night got awkward and stayed that way until Eddie got up to go home.

“See you tomorrow?” Eddie asked trying to at least salvage some part of the evening.

Steve cocked his head to the side. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, you’re starting on the sword tomorrow, right?” Eddie asked, heart in his throat.

Steve confusion clears. “Of course! I can’t wait. I’m really excited to start working on it.” He gives Eddie’s wrist a squeeze. “I thought we made plans that I had forgotten about. No. Of course I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie relaxed a little bit and nodded.

Steve closed the door gently behind him.

*

Jeff was brushing his teeth to get ready for bed when there was a pounding on his door. He looked over at Mandy and frowned.

“You expecting anyone, babe?” she asked, after spitting into the sink.

Jeff shook his head. He rinsed out his mouth and padded to the door. He opened it to reveal a jumpy Eddie.

Jeff rolled his head from side to side. “You do know Mandy’s got work in the morning, right?”

Eddie nodded. “I fucked up with Stevie and I don’t know what I did but I really need my best friend right now.”

“Come on in,” Mandy said from behind Jeff. “I’ll get you two a beer.”

Eddie sat on their ratty sofa, his knee jiggling with restless energy. Mandy handed them the beers and kissed Jeff’s cheek.

“Don’t stay up too late.”

Jeff watched as she walked back to their bedroom. Once the door was closed he turned to Eddie. “Right start at the top. What do you mean you fucked things up with Steve?”

“I don’t know, man!” Eddie said after downing half of the bottle in one go. “Things were going great, dinner was amazing. It got a little awkward when he said he learned how to cook because his parents were never home and then bam! The bottom opened up and I left earlier then I expected because the air was so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife.”

Jeff closed his eyes and then opened them again. “Tell me everything. Leave nothing out. Knowing you like I do, you probably said something you didn’t think was important, but really, really was.”

Eddie sighed and went through the whole conversation.

Jeff buried his head in his hands and groaned. “Dude, tell me you really didn’t ask Steve if he was going bang one of his apprentices, you know one of the people that work for him?”

Eddie scoffed, waving his hand. “I was joking.”

“Did Steve know that?” Jeff prodded.

Eddie opened his mouth and then closed it. He opened it again, but no sound would come out. He snapped it shut and frowned. “Maybe not?”

Jeff waved his hand at him. “Also seriously, dude. What kind of messed up fucker asks his crush if he wants to bang some chick?”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. “Oh shit.”

“Look I don’t know this guy,” Jeff said. “Not well enough anyway. If this was Gareth or Brian, I could tell exactly what he was thinking. But I don’t and you don’t either. Which means you didn’t just fuck up, Eddie. You fucked up bad. So you’re going to have to grovel. And I do mean grovel. Flowers, dinner, the works.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said breathing out a shuddering sigh. “Yeah, man. Fuck. What if I messed things up with for good?”

Jeff shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess endure the most awkward thirty hours of your life?”

“Shit.”

*

The first thing Eddie did that morning was call the shop.

“Royal Pain, this is Robin, how can I help you today?”

“Birdie,” Eddie greeted. “Is Steve around?”

Robin sighed heavily. “He’s working with Chrissy at the moment, I can take a message?”

Eddie sighed. “No, no. It’s fine. It’s actually you I wanted to speak to anyway.”

“Is this about last night?” she asked.

Eddie blinked away the tears that formed at the thought that Steve had told her about it. “I’m trying to grovel and need a list of his faves so that I make it up to him for being an absolute ass.”

Eddie could feel Robin’s grin through the phone. “Right. Where do you want me to start?”

They talked for a good twenty minutes before she said, “Look, I’ve got another call coming in. That should be enough to start with. Hop to it, doofus. I want to see it, capeesh?”

“I read you loud and clear,” Eddie said.

“Good.”

***

Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18 Part 19  Part 20  Part 21   Part 22  Part 23  Part 24  Part 25 Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Epilogue

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk​ @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @aizawa-emma @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @yikes-a-bee @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @archermightbegay @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx

[outalongtheedges]

Goose On Film

Part 2

“Oh so that’s where that picture went”, Maverick mumbled more to himself than to anyone in particular.

Not that the others would’ve cared much about what he had to say about an old picture on a corkboard in the Bradshaw’s study.

“Interesting. I thought I had lost that one”, Slider’s wife suddenly said beside him. “Should’ve known Goose took it back.”

Maverick nodded before reaching up to take the picture of him and Ice off the board. He’s had it inside of his wallet for the better part of 10 years before he had ‘lost it’.

“What do you think you’re doing there, Maverick?!”, Goose slapped his wrist before he could reach the picture. “It’s mine!”

Okay so to be fair Goose did take the picture and he also paid for them to be printed out but it still was a picture of Ice and Mav. So it made sense for Maverick to have it, right? Slider’s wife seemed to have been thinking the same thing judging by the way she eyed the photo of her husband.

“I know what you’re thinking, Pete Mitchell! Don’t even try it. It’s an important piece in my ‘Goose on Film’ series.”, Goose continued to argue with his best friend. “You got more than enough pictures of you and that blond bastard, don’t you think?”

Maverick rolled his eyes. He could never have enough pictures of him and Tom. Not in a million years could he have collected enough of them. And that picture in particular had been taken on Carole’s birthday in ‘92, and if you know anything about Carole’s birthday parties then you’d understand the significance of that photo. That Goose even managed to take a decent one of them was astounding.

Yeah okay Mav was looking down, reading god knows what and it was a little blurry, but Ice managed to look into the camera as if he’d never done anything else but model in his entire life.

“And you!”, Goose suddenly turned over to Mrs Kerner that had her fingers on one of the thumbtacks holding up her husbands picture, “Don’t even think about it! I’ve been to your house, the walls are full of pictures of Slider and his ugly mug!”

“But not this one. Look at how cute he looks…”, she looked the photo dreamily.

“I don’t know about Slider and cute.”, Goose and Mav said at the same time, questioning looks on their faces.

“Oh come on! You guys know what I mean!”

They did know, Goose and Mav could stare at their respective partners for hours and call them every term of endearment under the sun and wouldn’t get tired.

„Come on Goose!“, Maverick whined pointing at the picture. „Let me have it back. It doesn’t look nice enough for your photo books anymore anyways.“

„What exactly did you do with yours, Pete?“, Mrs Kerner asked with a raised brow, looking sceptical as ever. „Looks like you crumpled it up.“

„I had it in my wallet? And then on my plane.“

„You know what you’re right. They’re both in horrible condition.“, Goose sighed exasperatedly, „I still have the negatives. Take them and treat them horribly! No respect for my art!“

Slider’s wife took the picture down triumphantly and folded it up the way it probably had been for years. So did Mav, staring lovingly at the photo he had stared at every time he went up in his plane.

„You two are paying for the new prints I have to make!“

„Of course Nick, honey. I’ll pay for it“, Mrs Kerner chuckled and Maverick nodded along.

All of them knew they wouldn’t pay for the prints, not that Goose would care.

———

Masterlist Part 2

Another silly little manip and this time with a story?? I’m treating you and myself (mostly myself) with this one aren’t I?

Let me know what you lovely people think ✨🎈💕

Remember be nice and respectful, have a nice day and a good nights sleep.

[deathbystero]

'cause we're just kids who grew up way too fast

in which Ponyboy struggles to come to terms with everything. a/n - here's the full chapter y'all. lemme know if it's worth carrying on with and if you have any ideas on what I can do to extend the plot, feel free to request or give me some ideas

It’s only been a few weeks since that night—coming on three, to be exact. I don’t think things will ever go back to how they were; how could they? With Johnny and Dallas gone, everything feels off-kilter in some way. Like a loose thread just waiting to be pulled, ready to fall away and leave nothing but a gaping hole in its place. 

Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not really—not in the same way it was before. Things are a lot quieter. A lot emptier. I don’t think Darry minds all that much; an empty house is a peaceful house, even under all the unsettling tension. 

The gang feels a lot closer now, too. I suppose that’s one good thing about all of this, but nobody is quite themselves anymore. There isn’t as much energy in the air; there aren’t many laughs around anymore, and nobody smiles as often as they used to. It's like everyone is carrying around a weighty cloud on their shoulders, or maybe they’re just trying to keep their minds busy with something else. But we never talk about those days anymore; no one does. The topic makes us uncomfortable, like a wound that can never be healed. 

Maybe it’s just me who can’t get used to living without them. 

The nightmares still come every once in a while, more now than they used to. Sometimes they’re pretty bad—Johnny and Dallas making frequent appearances, their faces blurred, their voices distorted. Sometimes, I realise that I’m starting to forget the little things about them: the way Johnny would tilt his head a little to the left (or maybe it was to the right) when he was talking; the way Dallas would bite his lip when concentrating hard on something, even if he didn't seem to notice himself doing it. Everything seems to be slipping through my fingers faster than I can grasp, trying desperately to hold onto the memories, begging them not to fade away into the background. 

Maybe that’s why they haunt me so often: because I'm afraid—afraid that someday I won't remember them at all. 

Darry slept on the floor in my bedroom for a little while after that night, too scared to leave me alone after everything. He’s been doing that a lot lately, constantly checking up on me, even when I'm only in the next room over. Sodapop says it's because he's scared I’ll disappear again, which is ridiculous; I’ve got nowhere to run to, and even if I did, I doubt I’d want to anyway. Without Johnny to keep me company, I might as well be right here in Tulsa forever. 

There was never anything in the papers about Johnny and Dallas—at least not anything good. They don’t write editorials for “murderers” and hoodlums. Nobody would read them anyway. It would be a waste of ink, a waste of print, and a waste of paper. It’d just be another story about another couple of kids from the east side who wound up dead. No one would care. No one would even know what happened to them, not until somebody started asking questions, and even then, the truth would be twisted. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody but me. They can try to understand, just like Sodapop, Two-Bit,  Steve, and Darry have tried, but they won’t ever see it the same. Not like I do. 

For a long time after the incident, I tried convincing myself that Johnny wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be; you don’t just lose your closest buddy in one night. That doesn’t just happen. And yet, it had happened to me. 

To be truthful, I still don’t really believe that Johnny is dead. It’s stupid, irrational, and childish, but I can’t help but cling to that notion like my life depends on it. Maybe I'm losing it a bit, growing a little delusional. Darry seems to think so. Not a day goes by where he isn't telling me to “get my damn head out of the clouds” or to “get my act together."

I’m trying, really, I am, but sometimes it gets hard. The truth hurts too much. So I decided it was better to just pretend that it hadn’t happened. Pretend the entire mess never went down. That’s easier than confronting reality, even though I know there are some aspects of Johnny and Dallas’ deaths that are very, very real. Too real to be ignored. And it’s not like I can ignore it, can I? It’s part of me—a piece of me—a piece of my memory that I can never fully forget. I’ll just have to live with it.

That’s easier said than done, though.

[jeevasphere]

Hey there 🤗 just wanted to chime in with my own question after seeing your answer to the prev ask. What’s your personal take on Matt?

thanks for the ask!

matt’s always changing in my head. when I was younger I tended to write him as super pitiful, self-loathing, and flirtatious, which is so cringey looking back now lol. these days he’s fairly reserved and very nonchalant. like any matt, he has a boyish charm and funnels nervous energy into making dirty jokes.

it’s easy enough to assign matt to a depressed, burnt out character whose time at the orphanage killed his spark and left him as wasted potential. undoubtedly he would be a more productive and well-adjusted adult had he lived a normal childhood, but i’ve put to rest the resentful matt i used to write. I think matt’s one of those guys who doesn’t seem to care a ton about anything besides what he wants to do in the moment. very few things are a big deal in his eyes. at the house, everything was stressful all the time, everything was a life-or-death exam. matt never had a desire to be an L, so he got tired of this really quickly. as a result, his adult self is extremely easygoing, lazy, and perfectly fine with spending his life in boxer shorts in front of a console. he’s earned that much.

in terms of how he feels about mello: something something, feelings so dark and shameful they are softened by raw sexual desire. they’re symbiotic parts of each other—a forced proximity trauma bonding trope really does a lot for your favorite pair of BFFs. there’s a lot to unpack there, but something else is keeping matt chained to mello like a lost puppy and it’s a word that does not yet exist in the english language. in a world where almost nothing can motivate matt to get off his ass, mello is one creature who can get away with it. matt unconsciously, somehow, always seems to make mello more important than anything else in his life. they make each other crazy in the same way an old couple with undiagnosed psychological issues do.

stopping myself here so I don’t bore you too much. i will hopefully have more answers for you when i start writing more regularly!

[steddieas-shegoes]

i have a request!

maybe one where steve knows he's bisexual before eddie but ofc, eddie thinks he's straight and doesn't think he has a chance, so he just takes whatever he can get with steve's friendship even though he has the biggest crush on steve and vice versa. but when eddie does find out about both, eddie would be internally screaming bc he could have been in a relationship with him and kissing steve ages ago.

i just love gay disaster eddie and confident bisexual steve haha

THANK YOU FOR THIS!!! This one could genuinely be a multi-chapter fic, so if someone has the time, I would love LOVE LOVE to read that. For now, here's a taste of something that kind of checks all the boxes mentioned but at superspeed. If I could write a 20k fic on it, it probably would have A LOT more pining first. I'm a sucker for pining. I hope you love this little thing! - Mickala ❤️

------------------------------------------------------------

Steve was giving off vibes, okay?

Like, major ones.

And Eddie was convinced he was imagining it or just trying to convince himself that something existed where it didn’t to make his chances higher.

When Robin came out, a small part of him believed that Steve had to be at least a little queer. Men didn’t just accept being turned down by someone they liked when they turned out to be a big old lesbian.

But when he casually asked Robin if Steve had ever been so inclined towards the same sex, she laughed hysterically and said Steve was as straight as they came, that she’d never met anyone as straight as him, and that she’d probably end up with a man before he did.

So he let it go.

But then he said stuff sometimes about actors or singers that just left Eddie’s brain a big pile of question marks.

Maybe Eddie just didn’t know how straight dudes talked about other dudes?

So he let that go too.

And then Steve was genuinely checking out a guy at the public pool. There was no other explanation for the way his eyes focused in on his ass and worked their way up his body, a nod of silent approval hidden to all but Eddie.

But he did the same exact thing to Robin when she came out of the changing room, and while he knew he had feelings for her a while ago, they were long gone.

“What was that all about?” Eddie gave in and asked when everyone else started walking to the steps to get in.

“What?”

“Checking Robin out.”

“What the hell? I wasn’t checking her out! I was making sure her bathing suit fit right. One of the things they taught in lifeguard classes was that a too big or too small bathing suit can kill you.”

“So you were just making sure it fit?”

“Yeah. I don’t want her to drown.”

Eddie sighed.

But he let it go.

He stopped hoping for the chance to be more than friends. He was fine with just being friends. More than fine. Great.

He got to enjoy having Steve as a friend.

He didn’t half ass anything.

If he said he was gonna hang out, he was ready to commit the entire day to making sure you had his attention.

If he had everyone over at his house for movie night, he had everyone’s favorite snacks ready to go.

If he was gonna join Eddie at the quarry and smoke and look at the stars, he was gonna do it while making Eddie fall in love with him.

It wasn’t fair.

But he tried to let it go.

It was one of those nights that he found out he didn’t have to let it go.

“You ever just wonder how you could have ever thought you were a different person?”

What? Okay, Steve was high. Past the silly kind and right into the too existential to make sense kind.

“I don’t have a clue what you’re sayin’, man.”

Steve giggled.

God, Eddie was fucking done for.

“It’s just that I thought I was straight for 17 years of my life. And then spent another two years trying to convince myself that I couldn’t be anything but straight. And then life smacked me with Robin and now you and it didn’t really leave me much room to argue.”

“What are you saying?”

“I mean, I’ve had a crush on you since. Well, definitely since you held a bottle to my throat, but probably before that. Like, way before that. Maybe your first senior year.”

Steve was high. He didn’t mean what he was saying, and even if somehow he did, it wasn’t fair to hold him to it. Being high was sometimes like being drunk: the words may be true, but the feelings may not stick around.

So Eddie took a deep breath, bit back the tears he could feel clinging to his eyes and the burn in his throat, and forced himself to change the subject.

It wasn’t fair, but when Steve let him change the subject easily, he let it go.

————-

It took three weeks for him to break.

He was with Steve at his house, waiting for the kids to show up for movie night. Steve was busy preparing homemade pizza because he thrived on being able to cook for everyone.

Eddie loved him so much.

He was staring. He knew he was.

But how could he not when Steve was in that stupid “Number One Dad” apron that Max got him last Christmas as a joke, but he’d sniffled and said thank you like it was the best gift he got in the world?

Steve was humming something, sliding the last pizza into the oven (pineapple and ham for El, Will, and Mike), when it all seemed to hit him.

Steve had come out to him, had admitted out loud that he wasn’t straight and that he’d had a crush on him for a long time.

Sure, he was high when he did, but he’d been high with Eddie lots of times and never given away any top secret personal information like that.

He’d wanted Eddie to make a move.

He was so stupid.

He stood abruptly, nearly banging his knee against the bar in the kitchen.

Steve looked over at him, brows furrowed in concern, lips pouting out unintentionally.

Eddie stalked over to him, not bothering to explain his theatrics. At this point, Steve should be used to them.

He stopped right in front of him, looking down at the suddenly nervous way Steve was holding himself.

He wasn’t letting it go this time.

He sure as shit wasn’t running. He didn’t do that anymore.

“You remember the quarry?”

“Like, in general…or…?”

“A few weeks ago you said something at the quarry.”

“Oh.” Steve looked down at the floor between them. “Yeah. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that.”

There was no fucking way Eddie was letting him think he didn’t want him back.

He gripped his cheeks in his hands, palms tilting his face up so he could look into his eyes.

Steve was biting his lip so hard, it looked like it could start bleeding any moment.

Eddie brought his thumb over, pulling his lip from his teeth.

“How can I kiss you if you’re too busy eating your lip?”

Steve’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“Stevie. Did you mean it then?”

“Yeah, ‘course I did. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“Then I need to ask a favor.”

“Anything.”

Eddie wouldn’t let that go to his head. Not yet.

“Can I kiss you?”

Steve’s responding smile lit up the room, more than the overhead lights, more than the actual sunlight streaming through the window.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Eddie leaned in as Steve did, their lips meeting in a light peck that quickly deepened, moans escaping their mouths at the same moment.

He let his hands slide down to Steve’s neck, his thumbs rubbing small circles as his tongue begged for entrance into his mouth.

Steve was sinking further against him, his heartbeat steady against Eddie’s chest.

“It’s about damn time. Honestly, I was starting to think I’d have to make Steve come out to you again.”

Robin’s voice shocked them apart, but when they realized who it was, they managed to fall back into each other.

Eddie’s arm slipped around Steve’s waist as Steve rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“The kids will be inside in about 20 seconds so if you would prefer they don’t know what’s going on, you should wipe those lovesick looks off your faces and find a bubble of personal space.”

Eddie kissed the top of Steve’s head before pulling away.

“Talk when the kids leave?”

“Yeah. But first,” Steve pulled Eddie in for one more quick kiss on the lips. When he pulled away, he was smirking. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“I don’t plan on letting you out of bed for the next 24 hours after the kids leave. We’ll at least get a good start on the catching up.”

Eddie threw a wink at Steve, ignoring Robin’s gagging noises, and sat back at the bar.

The kids came running in, circling Steve to hug him or ask him what dinner was and Eddie smiled to himself.

Robin nudged him after a few seconds.

“You’re both so hopeless.”

“Not anymore.”

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Good thing that Mirabel's alive. But when will we see the cold family beating the shit out of Camilo? And what others were doing? Does Dolores already know with her hearing?

Ha. What do you think everyone’s doing while Luisa does a one-woman retelling of A Christmas Carol?

Warning, potentially sensitive topics below.

~~~~~~

“Don’t talk to me.” Isabela snaps when Camilo opens his mouth. “Same for you,” she added, turning to an equally puzzled Dolores. “I’m trying really hard to keep myself under control.”

“What are you talking about, Isa? Are you okay?” Dolores asked.

“Dolores, I’m serious, if you want your boyfriend’s nose to remain unbroken, shut the fuck up.”

Isabela stalked off, after that.

“What’s up with her?” Bruno questioned.

“No idea. I’ve not been listening,” Dolores responded. “I was trying to keep an ear on Antonio. And our parents. They are on their way back.”

“That’s good. I’m sure they’ll sort this out.” Said Camilo.

“No need, Julieta and Agustín are already here.” Bruno pointed out, standing up.

Dolores and Camilo turned, watching their Tío and Tía slowly make their way into Casita. They both were walking backwards, seemingly guiding in a blood stained and half-dressed Luisa, who was cradling an unconscious Mirabel.

“Careful, Luisa. You don’t want to be too rough with her.” Julieta chided.

“I’m not being rough with her!” Luisa snapped.

She never took well to being accused of forgetting her strength, especially around Mirabel.

“No, but you are holding her quite protectively,” Agustín intervened. “Loosen your grip a bit, mija - gently. Yes. That’ll do.”

“Um,” Bruno announced walking over, he swallowed nervously. “I know this is a really stupid question, but I feel like it has to be asked, so I’ll just get it out of the way: is Mirabel okay?”

Julieta didn’t look amused; Luisa was ready to strangle him.

“No?” Agustín answered, unsurely.

“What happened?” Dolores asked next.

Agustín stepped aside to explain to Bruno and Dolores, while Julieta ushered Luisa along.

“Take Mirabel upstairs, Luisa, and clean yourself up. Your Abuela won’t want blood through the house.”

“You might want to clean the patio then.” Luisa advised before leaving.

Julieta signed, walking off to grab some supplies from the cupboard. She might as well get to cleaning. There’s nothing else she can do until Mirabel wakes up.

~~~~~~

While she’s scrubbing, she hears the sound of awkward footsteps and she assumes it’s Agustín and he’s injured himself. Or maybe Bruno and his rats are peckish.

But when she looks up, she sees her nephew.

She has to assume Isabela got at him. He’s got a severe rash over half his face and he keeps scratching at his arm through his ruana. And there’s a hand print on the other side of his face too; almost bruising his skin.

Maybe it was Isabela too. But she doesn’t think Isabela would have risked getting the rash herself.

Maybe it was Dolores who hit him.

Or maybe it was both of them.

He does look very rough and his clothes are more disbelieved than they usually are.

She doesn’t say anything to him.

It’s not her job to discipline him for his actions. It’ll be more devastating to have his parents do it.

Or better yet, it’ll be more devastating to rob him of the attention he so desperately wants and is so accustomed to. They should just ignore him entirely.

“I’m sorry,” he says, eventually. “It was just a prank.”

Julieta doesn’t have anything to say.

She just looks down at the ground. Soap, white and red mixing into pink, and the yellow tags.

Mirabel’s blood.

“She wasn’t meant to get hurt— I didn’t know about the trap, that wasn't part of it. I’d left by then.” Camilo continued.

“I’m not the one you should be apologising to.”

“I-I know that, but—”

“You want me to heal you?” She guessed. “I’ll leave that decision to Mirabel.”

Camilo choked.

“But she won’t— she won’t help me! She’ll say it’s a ‘waste of resources’ because it’s not a ‘serious’ injury.”

Julieta hummed in acknowledgment.

“Isabela has covered my room - all my clothes, my things - in poison ivy! And, like, a hundred other itchy plants! I can’t live like that.”

That explains why Isabela was keen to get home before them.

Sneak into Camilo’s room before he realises everyone knows and should be on guard, covering it in plants that won’t directly injure him but make him uncomfortable; she’s definitely inherited Pepa’s evil genius.

“Tía? Are you listening to me?”

No.

She doesn’t know how long it takes, but Camilo slowly sulks off.

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

“I’d still argue that at the end of the day, a mother making time to live a life outside her children is to their benefit as well. Self-sacrifice is necessary to be a parent, but martyrdom is not. We all know people who grew up with a mum who wouldn’t allow herself to have fun, who never had hobbies, or friendships, or seemed to do much outside the house besides work. By making your connections external to your family another one of your priorities, you are modeling the importance of community, social networks, and self identity. You are also showing your daughters that they have many choices available for how to live their life, whether they one day become a parent or not.”

If I'm being honest, being a mother was not something I put at the top of my bucket list in my twenties. While I still don't regretting child-free at 38, it’s not easy to witness almost all of your peers start a family. Even when you're happy that they’re happy — and I am — there is a bittersweetness to it, because you know that you will be seeing them less and less, or not at all.

There is a lot of debate on TikTok right about who is at fault when friendship fades as one person becomes a parent and the other doesn’t. One user, @__barbarah, went viral after Julia Fox responded to one of her videos in which she says: “I've seen a lot of women post: ‘You want to know who your real friends are? Have a baby’," she says. “I'm not a mother, but I don't know what it looks like on the other side. But I am a friend – and you guys change after having a baby. You make us feel like we're no longer relatable… so it's not just one-sided.”

Julia Fox responded by saying it's not their friends that are no longer relatable, but the woman who's just had the baby – because she’s completely overwhelmed caring for her son. And she’s a rich celebrity.

If we can step back and look at it somewhat objectively, it seems like both parties kind of want the same thing: community. They just see the issue completely differently. Mothers want support. Childless people want to remain included in their friend’s lives.

But who is the onus on to maintain the ties that would fulfill everybody’s wants?

Obviously, I have my biases, but before getting to them, I genuinely think that when friends have kids, a period of relaxed standards of reciprocity is necessary; compromise and patience are key. I know how overwhelming it is to keep myself alive, so adding another life to the mix must feel at times like drowning on dry land. It is a childless friend’s duty, in my opinion, to show up and help out, to shoulder the responsibility of making plans that can accommodate the needs of a new parent, and to not take it personally if you don’t hear from them as much for a while.

The issue arises when that grace period ends, because many parents think it never should. It is common to hear parents say, “My kid is my first priority” as a reason for why they no longer reach out, ask questions about their friend’s lives, or take a couple hours off by hiring a babysitter to go to birthdays or big events that don’t center around children. Well, if we were in a monster movie running from a giant insect or something, that would be relevant. Pick up your baby and leave me behind! However, we live in the real world, where caring about someone more than anyone else should not preclude you from taking an interest in the other people who have loved you and supported you throughout your life. Sending a friend a “how are you” text every few months will not take food out of your kid’s mouth.

Since I’ve seen so many of my friends go through this withdrawal from society, I realise some of it is inevitable and even the most well-intentioned person may not have the energy for anything except getting through the day once they have a baby.

You know, fair enough. We can only do what we can do. I’d still argue that at the end of the day, a mother making time to live a life outside her children is to their benefit as well. Self-sacrifice is necessary to be a parent, but martyrdom is not. We all know people who grew up with a mum who wouldn’t allow herself to have fun, who never had hobbies, or friendships, or seemed to do much outside the house besides work. By making your connections external to your family another one of your priorities, you are modeling the importance of community, social networks, and self identity. You are also showing your daughters that they have many choices available for how to live their life, whether they one day become a parent or not.

I know there can be a lot of resentment from mums who feel overworked and underappreciated towards their friends they see out at the club on Insta Stories. To those of you who are boiling over, remember that not everyone who doesn’t have a kid doesn’t want one. Assuming a childless woman is shallow, immature, or doesn’t understand real adulthood is an insult in so many ways, but especially because it may not even be up to her.

In my experience, mums seem to think I’m in a state of arrested development and they’ve moved up to a form of life I’ll never understand. What they don’t get is that I’m also living a life they can’t understand, one that requires walking a far less well-worn road and doing it on my own. I’d be happy to tell them about it if they’d remember to ask. But if I have to have a baby to be seen and regarded as a worthwhile person to spend time with again, that seems very unfair to the baby.

As a childless person, I will always advocate for things that will improve the material life of parents – affordable childcare, better maternity and paternity leave, funding for schools and community centres – because it does matter to me that children are raised to thrive even if I never have one of my own.

I also want my gals pals to have that support so we can get a coffee once in a while. Still, if a friend with a kid doesn’t occasionally extend the invitation my way, I’d rather get coffee on my own. Relationships, like a plant, require tending. Even the most low effort, undemanding cactus of a friendship needs a little water, or it dies.

[blueindigo17]

hi writeblr!! it's nice to meet you!!

I’ve had this blog for years but never posted anything bc to be honest I was a little afraid of tumblr when I first joined, but recently I decided that since I like talking about my wips so much to my friends/family irl, why not blog about them? I also want to find some writing mutuals, since I like hearing about people’s stories just as much as I like telling them about mine. Feel free to interact, follow, message, etc. I love making friends :D

About me <3

I go by Blue or BlueIndigo online, so feel free to use either of those :)

My pronouns are she/her

I’m 19, which also happens to be my favorite number :)

I have five (sort of six?) wips and over a hundred characters. I may have a problem.

I am a BIG swiftie (favorite albums are 1989 TV and TTPD), and I listen to a lot of 5SOS, Olivia Rodrigo, Gracie Abrams, Conan Gray, and The Scarlet Opera. Also the occasional Chappell Roan.

I love reading!! My favorite books are Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid (my fav author) and She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen.

I've played ukulele for a few years, and I recently started learning guitar. there's a greater than zero chance I might post any music things in the future. ig we'll see.

I have a thing where my wip titles have to make good acronyms or I don’t use them. idk why either.

I love talking about my wips (and also everything else) to the point of annoyance. (#blueindigo says things for non-wip related stuff <3)

tag games are an ABSOLUTE YES my personal brand of yapping is answering questions lol

I like to write…

Realistic/contemporary fiction

Young adult/new adult

LGBTQ+ characters

Coming of age

Romance

Friend groups/found family

otherwise just people being people :)

More about my wips below !!

My WIPs

Never Have We Ever (NHWE)

Tags: #wip: never have we ever #wip: NHWE

Summary: Liz has the best friends a girl could ask for. Harley, Mikey, and Natasha have been her people since elementary school, and Trevor and Amanda since middle school. Their whole lives, things have been pretty much the same. Same kids in their classes every year. Same streets between the same houses. Same, same, same. At the end of her freshman year of high school, just about when Liz is wondering how much same she could possibly handle, she catches Trevor’s eye as he laughs at someone’s joke, and something deep inside her lights up. Something she doesn’t know what to do with. Something she can't push back down once it comes barreling up to the surface. So much for same. After that, things can’t stop changing. And not just in her own life—her friend group starts pulling apart at the seams. Harley begins withdrawing from everyone with no explanation. Mikey gets in bigger trouble with his dad than ever. Natasha only has a year before she has to move off to college. Amanda is stuck between the person she is and the person the world wants her to be. Trevor seems to have gotten off easy, but Liz can’t be around him for more than a minute without falling head over heels all over again. In this collection of short stories, Liz has to wonder if the change of pace she thought she wanted is worth it. Sometimes it’s hard to be brave, and she’s never been the most open to change, but unfortunately, that does not stop it from happening. The only question is: what is she going to do about it?

Genres: short stories, realistic fiction, young adult, coming of age, contemporary Themes: found family, first crushes, dealing with change, growing up, maintaining friendships Characters: Liz Stanton 🩵, Harley Wilson 💚, Mikey Miller 💛, Natasha Knightley 💜, Trevor Marshall ❤️, Amanda Hamilton 🩷

NHWE is my oldest WIP, started on December 16, 2019. It’s been on ice lately, since the plot has gone through so many changes that I haven’t known what to do with it in a while, but one of my goals with posting about it is to warm myself back up to it. I think writing that summary was a good place to start. Wish me luck :D

The Together List (TTL)

Tags: #wip: the together list #wip: TTL

Summary: Audrey is in her first month of college. Within three weeks, she’s moved out of her childhood bedroom and into a room with a window that seems to open on its own and a door that creaks loud enough to wake up the whole floor, she’s stumbled into a friend group that seemed to pull itself together like drawstrings, and she’s gotten a job at an adorable independent milkshake shop with her roommate and one of her new friends. What more could she possibly ask for? The world, it seems. Audrey has a list ten miles long of all the little things she wants college to be. One night, she starts listing them out loud. Her friends—Logan, Lennon, McKinley, Aspen, and Levi—chime in with their own after a moment, and before anyone knows it it’s been three hours and they haven’t stopped. They aren’t even sure whose idea it is, but they start writing it down. Every box on this ridiculously decorated list will be checked off by the end of the year, they swear. Someone makes an Instagram account as a joke, but by the first post it’s become as serious an endeavor as they’ve ever had. They wouldn’t call themselves local celebrities, but they certainly wouldn’t correct you if you did. The thing about fame at this age, even at small amounts, is that it's bound to go to someone's head...

Genres: realistic fiction, young adult fiction, new adult fiction, coming of age, LGBTQ+ fiction Themes: LGBTQ+, friendships, fame, college, becoming an adult, relationships Characters: Audrey Marshall 💙, Logan Levine 🧡, Lennon Adler 💛, McKinley March 💜, Aspen Brady ❤️, Levi Jackson 💚

TTL was created on August 18, 2021. I saw a post on Pinterest of someone's summer bucket list and that sounded like such a fun thing to do with friends that I had to write about it. Two and a half-ish years later, TTL has also gone through many changes, so I'm sort of trying to refresh it now. I'm very excited to see where it takes me!

(Fun fact: the main character, Audrey, is the older sister of Trevor from NHWE!)

The Violet Sisters Club (TVSC)

Tags: #wip: the violet sisters club #wip: TVSC

Summary: The Violet Sisters Club, a world famous all-female pop rock band, is facing a very public lawsuit from a former hotheaded manager over their most recent album. Following the conclusion of their case, lead singer Naomi Tyler, drummer Inez Wilde, guitarist Chrissy Cameron, and bassist Francesca Sheridan escape to the luxurious Overlook Estate, a privately owned rental property on an island off the southern coast of California. Here, they can spend the summer out of the public eye, writing songs they don’t need to worry about releasing and letting the public wonder what they’re up to as they let the tension out of their muscles. With a property four times the size of Alcatraz Island and a beach over a mile long, the Overlook offers the band a respite from the go, go, go of touring, the privacy invasion of paparazzi, and the exhaustion of being micromanaged every minute of every day. Four pools, seven hot tubs, the aforementioned private beach, a high tech recording studio (just in case), a few golf carts just to get around the property and a Jeep to get to town. It’s unimaginably expensive, it’s incomprehensibly big, and it’s everything they need. But this escape may not be the relaxing California beach paradise they imagined. Soon, it becomes hard to hide how much the stress of fame was eating away at each of them—emotions run high, patiences run thin, days run long, nights run longer, and the strength of the band is questioned as the girls’ insecurities and anxieties bubble to the surface after a lifetime in the spotlight.

Genres: realistic fiction, contemporary fiction, literary fiction Themes: fame, music, romance, found family, secrets, breakups Characters: Naomi Tyler (lead singer, songwriter) 💜, Inez Wilde (drummer, vocalist, songwriter) 🩷, Chrissy Cameron (guitarist, vocalist, songwriter) 💙, Francesca Sheridan (bassist, vocalist, songwriter) 💚

TVSC was created on February 5, 2023, but the characters have been around almost as long as TTL. Initially, I created the Violet Sisters Club as a fictional band that would exist within The Together List, but at some point I couldn't get the idea of a TVSC-focused novel out of my head. I'm glad I never did, because some of my favorite ideas I've ever had have gone into TVSC. If I could have one wish, it would be for all of TVSC's songs to be real so I could listen to them without having to write them first.

Now That We Don’t Talk (NTWDT)

Tags: #wip: now that we don’t talk #wip: NTWDT

Summary: There are two important things to know about Hazel Henry and Saiah Bradford.  One: They kinda-sorta hate each other after they broke up last year at prom. (The same prom that ended with the school almost burning down and Hazel's twin brother's best friend going to the hospital. Bad memories all around.) Two: Someone on the planning committee for their senior class trip must be out to get them, because when they arrive at the hotel, they find out they’ve been assigned to the same room. This should have been impossible; Saiah requested to be paired with her best friend, Tory, who's going to have some explaining to do later, and Hazel would bet her life on the fact that she requested a room alone. Now, for the next two weeks, they’re both stuck in the same narrow room with its little square bathroom and practically-nonexistent privacy. The air conditioner turns on at random times, they seem to be paired together for every single scheduled activity, and perhaps worst of all—their friends all seem to find this situation absolutely hilarious.  But it’s just two weeks, right? It’ll be over before they know it, and soon they can both go back to pretending their relationship—and each other—never existed. Right? Right? Happy senior year to them. 

Genres: realistic fiction, young adult fiction, contemporary fiction, LGBTQ+ fiction, romance Themes: reconciliation, romance, friendship, forgiveness, guilt, regrets, family, growing up Characters: Hazel Henry 🩷, Nick Henry 💙, Saiah Bradford 💚, Tory Whitehouse 💛

NTWDT was created on October 18, 2023. Hilariously, I came up with the plot after making Hazel and Saiah in the Sims, and I literally couldn't stop thinking about them whenever I wasn't playing. As I do with every character I create, I became obsessed with them, and now here we are. And in case you're wondering, yes, I named it after the Taylor Swift song lol.

Trouble In Paradise (TIP)

Tags: #wip: trouble in paradise #wip: TIP

Summary: Sixteen years ago, Joe Alexander and Ben King drove across the US in the pursuit of Joe's true love. Today, Joe is preparing to move out of his and his ex-wife's house and drive across the country once more, joined by his daughter, Bryce, and his best friend/his daughter's biological father, Ben. It's all familiar—the long stretches of empty fields, collapsing onto a cheap hotel bed for the night, never being able to decide where to stop for food—and yet, Joe has no idea what he's in for.  This is a story of two cross-country road trips, and the lives that one woman is able to ruin in between. Joe Alexander and Ben King have both lost their entire worlds to Lilly Alexander. But the ones they’ve gained after her might be—in some weird, unconventional way—a little better.

Genres: realistic fiction, contemporary fiction, adult fiction, literary fiction Themes: reconciliation, moving on, guilt, parenting, cheating, manipulation, mental illness, past sexual assault Characters: Joe Alexander, Ben King, Bryce Alexander, Lilly Alexander

TIP is technically my newest WIP, since I came up with the full plot earlier this year (February 13, 2024). I've had the vague idea of it for just over a year, but I didn't quite know what to do with it until recently. It's definitely more mature with its topics than my other wips, as you might be able to tell by the themes, but I really like the concept and I've had a lot of fun plotting it so far, even if it's a little out of my comfort zone.

(Fun fact: the original title way back when the characters didn't even have last names was High Infidelity, after the Taylor Swift song, since I thought it was so thematically appropriate.)

···

OKAY I'm pretty sure I have officially run out of things to say. If you made it all the way here, thank you so much for reading! Like I said earlier, feel free to interact any way you like :D

This post is sort of a masterpost for all my wips, but I'm also doing posts for each wip separately so I can go into more detail. Those are/will be linked in the title for each wip.

Thanks again for reading, and have a good day/night !!

―BlueIndigo <3

[damonjuicyscock]

Playlist-Chapter 9: Please don't go (90s Noel Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90s Noel Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, and... SMUT (yes it's back, P in V, Unprotected sex don't forget to protect yourself kids), a few spelling mistakes maybe.

Words: 3626 !

Summary: After the Whisky A Gogo events, Noel and you are barely talking to each other. But love seems to be stronger than this.

A/N: Heya Y'all ! Here's chapter 9 ! The return of SMUT ! I teased it a bit last week. I'm happy to finally feed you haha. Hope you'll like it as ever, and rendez-vous next week for the next chapter.

Love y'all

Enjoy !

(That's how he's supposed to look like in December 1994 apparently, at least that's what I saw...)

“Babe, I love you so I want you to know That I'm gonna miss your love The minute you walk out that door

So please don't go Don't go Don't go away Please don't go Don't go I'm begging you to stay

If you leave, at least in my lifetime I've had one dream come true I was blessed to be loved By someone as wonderful as you

So please don't go Don't go Don't go away Please don't go Don't go I'm begging you to stay».

December 1994:

It felt weird and unpleasant. Being on tour with Oasis and barely speaking to Noel seemed unseemly and unacceptable. I felt like a freeloader. I was travelling with them for free in exchange for my help, and yet, the only thing I wanted was to go home. No matter how much the other guys reassured me, I still felt out of place.

It had been two long months since things weren’t the same. Noel was letting me sleep in the hotel rooms and was going to sleep with one of the guys. The beds felt empty without him by my side. But my heart was full. Full of sadness. I was crying every damn night. It was tearing me apart. Breaking me. And I knew that once Oasis would have their Manchester gig, everything would be over. I would go to live at my parents house for a few, find myself a job again, never see Noel ever again, and try to forget him. Oh, but I would have to see him again, because my belongings were at his apartment, and soon, he would move to London. That was the detail that caused my heart to even break more.

The thing I didn’t know was that he already moved to London when we were on tour. He’d hired removal men who’d taken all his stuff to his new apartment. His things, as well as mine. I was now a Londoner and Liam was the one who told me, because Noel wasn’t saying anything to me anymore.

You wouldn’t believe it, but the situation hurt me more than what I lived with Kenneth.

And knowing I had nowhere else to go to when in London, I was forced to stay at Noel’s apartment.

December 13th-14th 1994- London

This night, Oasis were playing Hammersmith.

After the gig, Liam wanted us to have an afterparty in a pub but Noel proposed the guys to have the afterparty at his place for a sort of house-warming party.

So we went to buy drinks and some stuff to eat too and arrived at the apartment. It wasn’t little but wasn’t huge either, and again there was only one bedroom and one bed. But there were two keys, mine and Noel’s. Maybe the move had happened before we argued, and that now, he didn’t want me there anymore.

And anyway, I had to leave.

After quite a party at Noel’s place, the guys stood the night, sleeping on the ground with covers.

At about 5am, when the sun was starting to rise, I woke up, trying to be as discrete as possible. I started collecting my belongings and my box, and silently took them at the main door. Then I heard a familiar voice, and felt a familiar silhouette stand behind me.

What are ye doing? He asked

I turned around and looked at him.

Oh, so you’re talking to me now?

I could say the say thing. Now please, answer me question. He answered, dryly

Well I think you’re not blind, I’m collecting my stuff. I’m leaving. I’m going back in Town.

Silence settled in for a few seconds, and I heard him sigh and his breath was shaking.

I don’t want ye to go. He said, his voice trembling

I looked at him and saw he was on the verge of tears.

I have to. It will be better for us. I can’t live like this Noel. I said my voice trembling as well

Tears invaded my eyes.

Live like what? He asked

I can’t stay with a man who doesn’t love me anymore, when I do. I should have known earlier. I can’t live with a broken heart. It would kill me. If I can’t have you, it’s better if I leave, because it would kill me to see you with someone else too.

Wait Y/N, I…

My dad bought me a train ticket, I’m leaving in an hour so I should better get going.

Will ye listen to me ?

No. I know you’re going to apologize for something you’re not responsible for. And it would break my heart even more. I can’t force you to love me Noel.

I took my box, my bag and my suitcase, ready to go.

Come on, please Y/N…

Farewell Noel.

And I left, under the rain. I sobbed hard. Love could hurt badly. Love only punches the heart.

By the afternoon, I was at my parents place, asking for affection and reassurance like a damn child, which they did give me, without asking any questions. And at the moment I was about to cry again, I heard meowing.

Ringo ?!

*

December 18th 1994- Manchester

The only thing I was doing during my days was looking for a job. But each evening and night, I was in my old bedroom, listening to the radio and reading to empty my mind.

Empty my mind because Noel was in my head. And because Oasis were playing Manchester this evening and I didn’t go.

At about midnight, the radio started playing an old K.C and the sunshine band song: Please don’t go. And each time the singer was repeating the chorus, it reminded me of Noel’s words. “I don’t want ye to go”.

So I started crying again. Shit. Everything reminded me of him. And I cried myself to sleep.

At 1:30 am, I heard someone throw rocks at my window. I immediately knew it was him. Because he was the only one doing this. I walked to it and opened it, receiving a rock in the eye, again.

Ouch! Seriously, you still can’t aim!

Fuck, I’m so soz Y/N.

What the fuck do you want?

Can I climb?

Why?

Please it’s fucking freezing out there! And I need to talk to ye.

I hesitated.

Okay, come on, but don’t break your neck!

Noel climbed at my window, entering my bedroom. Just like he did when we were younger.

Hi! He said with a smile

What do you want? I asked softly

Well ye left like this and ye didn’t even listen to what I had to say.

Noel…

Those aren’t fucking apologies Y/N. Please, let me talk.

I sighed, already sad about what I was about to hear.

Okay…

I sat on my bed

I want us to talk about what ye said in September.

I knew it… Listen, I said anything I had to say Noel.

I know but… I didn’t see anything. And I feel like shite for not doing so.

Feels like you’re going to apologize…

Would ye like to?

No. I was really explicit about it though.

I know. I didn’t know how to fucking react. I kinda… panicked.

I chuckled.

And why so?

Because I never stopped loving ye either. But I was fucking scared ye would break me heart again. And I can’t let ye do that. Ye don’t know how it fucking broke me. I wouldn’t survive if it happened another time.

Now I was the one feeling like shit.

Oh Noely, I’m so…

Don’t. It wasn’t yer fault, it was mine. I’m not trying to excuse meself fer what I did, but I think music was and is such a part of me life, that I had to run away from me responsibilities like the coward I  fucking am and focus on what would never leave me. And I figured and didn’t know at the same time that it meant losing ye. I kinda made an unconscious choice in a way. Ye were right. I stopped calling when I should have. Yer… Yer the best thing that ever happened to me Y/N.

And suddenly, he broke down. He was sobbing hard. I never saw Noel cry like this before. Often on the edge of tears, but not like this.

I was used to “hard” and “strong” Noel, who was never showing his emotions apart in studio when singing and playing his songs. Where he was letting his emotions loose. Because deep down, the real Noel was kinda and almost like the little boy I met, something innocent and pure. But when he would be done playing, he would call you a twat.

 I loved both sides. But I loved the real Noel even more.

He sat on my bed next to me, hiding his face, so I wouldn’t see him cry.

I sat beside him, taking him in my arms.

The best thing that has ever happened to you, huh?

Yea… He answered sniffing

After Oasis?

He chuckled

Mmmh, let me guess… yes?

You bastard! I laughed

He chuckled again

Of course not. Ye’ve always been before Oasis. Before owt else.

So stop crying your heart out handsome.

He lift his head up and looked at me.

Is there any chance?

I don’t know, actions have always spoken louder than words.

I knew he understood the assignement. Because his face slowly approached mine, our eyes closed, and his lips finally touched mine, kissing them tenderly.

He let out a low moan at the feeling, as if it was the best thing in the world. His tongue asked for entrance, and I let him, the kiss becoming heated, before stopping to say:

And I’m definitely stealing the “stop crying your heart out” from ye. What a fucking title fer a song.

Y/N, your muse, at your service. I answered

Fuck yes ye are!

And he started kissing me again, this time passionately, taking our breaths away. A pool started to from in my undies. I wanted him, I needed him. I started unbuttoning his shirt at the same time.

Are ye sure? he asked me

I’ve never been so sure of my life. I answered

So he let me finish what I started, while by his side, he started peppering my neck with kisses, causing me to shiver. I missed this feeling.

I took off his shirt, letting my hands wander on his torso and his back and caressed them.

Fuck, I missed yer touch… He said

I didn’t answer and kissed him instead. I felt his hands untie my dressing gown, uncovering my breasts. He then took it off me, leaving me naked from the top.

Ye’re even more beautiful than I remember…

Oh stop it.

He chuckled

I quickly unbuckled his belt and unbutonned his jeans. He stood up and took them off. He laid me down before hovering me and kissing me again. We were eager and we couldn’t stop. I felt his hand tug at my undies. I looked at him, smiling.

What are you waiting for ? I asked

He smirked and slid them off before sliding his boxers too.

I wrapped my legs around him to feel him against my skin again. He whimpered when I did so and caressed my cheeks. He started dry humping me, his look plunged into mine. And I could see it: the flame, the same one I saw on the last day of 1983, when he said he was in love with me for the first time. Some things don’t change. Here it was a mix of love and lust.

I caressed his body, his back, his buttocks, already being almost out of breath because the feeling of our reunion was a bit overwhelming. And I could feel it did the same thing to Noel.

Eventually, I was so wet I felt him enter me without warning from dry humping me, causing me to gasp. It hurt and felt good at the same time. It had been a long time I didn’t do anything.

Fuck, ye’re so tight… Are ye okay?

Yeah, you can move already. God, I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…

Me too.

He started thrusting in me, slowly at first, so we could both get used to the feeling, and increased the rhythm of his hips rolling against mine little by little.

I had to be as quiet as possible, and it was hard to do so. The amount of emotion I felt at this right moment made it impossible.

I was whimpering hard, looking at my lover and kissing him. His hand was trying to find mine and when he finally did, he held it tight and squeezed it.

My eyes shut in pure extasy as I felt him filling me up to the brim. Our bodies were started to be covered in sweat, and our whimpers were getting louder.

With his other hand, Noel grabbed my thigh, caressing and holding it, giving him a new angle that helped him thrust even deeper in me, hitting the right spot, making me moan.

He put his lips on mine to silence me.

And with each thrust, he was hitting this magical spot repeatedly, bringing me closer to my climax.

Fuck… I love ye so much Y/N…

With these words, my body let go. My back arched on the bed, my eyes rolled at the back of my head, and my body started trembling. Noel helped me ride out my orgasm and stopped moving, looking at me.

I’ve got ye love, I’ve got ye.

When I finally was back to earth, I felt Noel’s hand caressing my breasts, sliding to my hips.

Why did you stop? I asked

I wanted to see ye cum. I missed hearing yer sweet sounds and seeing ye cum. And I want to last a little bit longer too.

Well, I hope you’re not disappointed.

He chuckled.

How could I be? we both had what we wanted.

Oh and Noely…

What?

I love you so fucking much.

Yea, I know.

I took advantage of the situation to hover him at my turn.

My turn now. Just sit tight.

Yer orders madam.

I put a hand on his shoulder to stabilize myself, taking his member in my other hand, sliding up and down before sinking down on him completely, causing him to moan lowly, as he bit his lower lip.

I grabbed his hands and put them on my hips before putting my hands back on his shoulders as I started bouncing up and down on his hard member.

I was sore from my previous orgasm and knew my next wasn’t far. I adapted a regular pace, kissing him at the same time to silence our moans that were getting louder.

Noel’s arms wrapped around my waist, and he started thrusting in me to help me reach our extasy.

Oh Noel… I moaned lowly

His lips came in my neck, kissing it and leaving a hickey.

He found my sweet spot again and my eyes closed in pleasure.

My insides started convulsing around him, which affected his movements that quickly became sloppy.

Fuck, love, I’m going to cum… He grunted

Just say it one more time. I whimpered

Say wh-what?

Tell me you love me….

Fuck… I love ye to fucking death Y/N…

And just like this, I wrapped a hand around his bicep, while the other pulled at his hair as I let myself go again.

I was only shivers.

My head fell in the crook of Noel’s neck, crying out in pleasure against his lips. Then Noel let out long and desperate moans against mine as he filled me with his hot release.

We held each other tightly, our sweaty bodies connected, kissing and catching our breaths. I rode out my high crying. It had felt so good.

When he softened, he pulled out and we collapsed on the bed, next to each other. He kissed my forehead before caressing my arm and my face. I put my head on his torso, listening to his heartbeat.

Are ye okay? He asked

I’m more than okay, I just cried because it was a lot. I…

Ye needed this, I know. I did too.

I was going to say I missed you, but yeah, I needed you too. With everything that happened…

Hey, I’ve got me scars too love. Ye’ve healed mine and I hope I healed yers.

Oh you did. You saved my life Noely. You did even more.

And this time, I won’t let ye go. That’s a promise. I can have both. I can have ye, and I can have music too. And though, if I had to fucking choose, I’d choose ye without hesitating.

I kissed him before getting up and grabbing an old clean tee to clean our mess.

After this, we quickly fell asleep in each other’s arms.

*

The next morning, I was woken by a pounding on my door. FUCK, THE DOOR! We didn’t lock it!

Wakey wakey in there! my dad said

Fuck! Noel, wake up! I whispered

My young over grumbled

Five more minutes mam… he said

Noel, for fuck’s sake, it’s me not your mam and we’re at my parents!

Holy shit! He said opening his eyes as he jumped out the bed, dressing hastily

Y/N, I’m going in! my mother said

Wait no mam, I’m not presentable!

Oh, it’s all right darling, I gave birth to you, I saw you being born, I’ve already seen you naked, I know how you look like!

Quick, under the bed! I said to Noel, who immediately hid

I barely had the time to cover myself as my mum entered.

Mam! For fuck’s sake I’m 27 years old, my intimacy!

Morning to you too sweetie, I see your language is as flowery as ever!

Soz, you just took me by surprise mam.

Nevermind, what do you want for breakfast?

Huh, toasts. Toasts with some of your strawberry jam please.

Okay. Will you take the same thing Noel? She asked

Oh for fuck’s sake… I mumbled, hiding my face in embarrassment

Huh yea, thank ye Y/M/N, and a cuppa please

Alright. Be downstairs in 10 minutes! She said before closing my bedroom door

Noel showed his head for under the bed, looking at me.

Hello there. He said

I looked at him and we burst out laughing.

Please, swear you’re staying for breakfast.

I’m not going to leave ye in the lurch on yer own, ye know I’m not like that!

Thank God.

I’m only Noel but thank ye love. He chuckled

So modest.

Oh, by the way, ye forgot this when ye left the last time. He said, handing me a key

What’s this?

The key to our place. Will ye come back to me after Christmas?

I kissed him and took the key.

I’m already back, me. I answered

I dressed up and we got downstairs. My mum was in the living room, sat on the couch, waiting for us.

Ah here you are you lovebirds. Sit and have breakfast.

How did you know Noel was here mam?

Not hard to guess when there are boxers half-hidden in your bedside table. Listen, it’s normal at your age to go at it…

Oh here we go… I said

But just not under my roof anymore. When you were 16-17 years old, I couldn’t say anything.  Preferred you to do it in a safe place rather than risking getting arrested. But now you’re both 27, you’re grown-up adults, you have plenty of places to go to do it. I gave birth to my daughter, but I never signed to hear her…

MAM! I exclaimed, interrupting her

Well, long story short, don’t have sex here anymore, are we clear? She said

Yes, understood mam.

Okay, we’re good then. Oh and now you’re reconciled, Y/N, after Christmas, you could…

Piss off? I asked

I wouldn’t say it like this, but that’s the idea. Your father and I we love you, you’ll always be welcomed here, but I know that if you stay, Noel will too, and what I just said would have fallen on deaf ears. At least you’ll be able to… do your thing by your side.

Well it’s nice seeing you again mam, it’s not like I’ve been away for a few months. I said, rolling my eyes

And I’m happy to see you my little angel, but it’s still the same point. Don’t have sex under my roof anymore. I didn’t raise you to assist to your lovemaking.

Jesus fucking Christ mother…

I never felt so embarrassed in my whole life. My mother had the talent to do this. At the time, I was even thinking about spending Christmas with the Gallaghers to run away from this. But happily, my mother never broached the topic again, as if nothing happened. A slightly avant-garde mother for her time but embarrassing as hell.