#how do I write two stories that are SEEMINGLY parallel to each other but are actually intertwined as one?

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Are the others relevant in Meteors or is this a Roxy-focused thing? I mean relevant as in part of the story/their presence actually helps rather than hinders the story (this isn’t meant to be negative I’m so sorry if I sound that way)

Roxy is so blorbo <3

Not negative at all no worries! It's a valid question!

The others ARE relevant! Massively in fact! My brain has just been rotating some of the bigger and more uhhhh painful(?) elements of this version lately, so they've been coming up a bit less.

Roxy is probably going to be the much larger focus character, because of the Blorboism and because of the new structure I've got here. I'm still working on what specific direction I want to take a lot of the other animatronics, Vanessa, Eddie, Luis maybe and whoever else that comes along, but they physically can't be irrelevant.

Basically, what I want this version of Meteors to be structured like, is I suppose, two separate stories that are actually just one. Roxy (and somewhat Cassie as well) is acting sort of like a bridge between two separate worlds, the familiar Ruined Pizza Plex (and by extension, the remnants of Fazbear's actions) and the unfamiliar Outside World. These two places start off (hopefully anyway) feeling light years apart, but gradually feel closer and closer to each other until they're now just one world. Which is... not something I've ever done before ngl so while I'm determined to give it a try, I'm also like. Fully aware if I ever actually start writing it (I live in hope) that it may not come across like that lmao but hey! Live and learn!

Anyway! With this in mind, yeah the other animatronics are all relevant as a part of the Pizza Plex side of the story. With Ruin as the set up and with the narrative puzzle pieces I have in my head, there is a lot to do over on that side of things! Like. An actual fuck ton of ground to cover, and Roxy's not doing that on her own, it wouldn't be possible and would kinda suck ngl

I don't have a set role for everyone at the moment. Like I say, I've had the broader, and newer stuff on my mind lately and this structure is brand new so I haven't really slotted everything into place just yet. I know what I want to include, I have a huge fun ending in mind that I really hope slots in with the 'both worlds being one' thing by the time I get there, but yeah uhh... still working on it so if you want to know what a specific animatronic's role is uhhhh you may not get an answer right away but you also might trigger my brain to work it out right then and there so... Take this as you will lmao

What I have now? Mostly Roxy because she's my blorbo of all time lmao. I've also got scenarios with some new concepts and bots I want to try out from book sources that I'm HEAVILY fucking around with, and some new ideas for the others that I need to cook a bit more because while they're good and fun, they might not fit what I'm aiming for now. I dunno! I had those ideas last night I haven't really had a huge amount of time to see how they'd fit yet, ya know? We'll see how it goes!

Hope this answers your question even though it's pretty vague!

[ichayalovesyou]

Why Do Old-School TV Duos Have SUCH MLM Vibes?!

I think there’s something very specific about the formula and writing style of non-serialized/semi-serialized shows from the 60s to 80s that featured two grown men going on wacky dangerous adventures that makes my gay little literary analysis brain go absolutely off the wall bonkers. I’m trying to figure out why!

I’m writing this on my Trek blog because I don’t think this pattern in people actually shipping these types of relationships the way they do if fandom as we know it wasn’t born via TOS in syndication. That being said! I also think it has to do with the way these shows are designed that makes myself and others OBSESSED with a specific character dynamic that feels (to me) damn near impossible to replicate in modern television. In a way that’s more than just fandom, it’s in the way TV like this was written at the time!

Further explanation under the cut!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

I think what it usually boils down to is this. There’s a charming protagonist whom without the series could not operate, frequently top billed or the title character! (See: Wild Wild West, Starsky & Hutch) BUT he doesn’t have anyone to play off of! So what do they do pretty much every single time? Give Mr. Idealized Vision of Time-Period Masculinity For Genre a second guy to rhyme with!

See but the other guy has to play opposite but parallel to our hypermasculine protagonist. So what frequently ends up happening is that in order to play off our “normal” guy, even though he’s also a white dude, is that he’s still somehow Other.

They’re always perfect for each other, and they always get into scenarios that would be written, shot and interpreted by conventional audiences as romantic IF either one of those characters were a woman! Especially at the time these shows were made in.

If the one is aggressive, the other is gentle. If the protagonist is violent, his counterpart is intellectual. If the one is stoic, the other is emotional. Which (while one size def doesn’t fit all) usually makes the second guy come off as much more queer-coded (and sometimes other minorities like neurodivergent/disabled etc) than the other because of the traits associated with masculinity vs gayness at the time! Our prime examples in these gifs are Spock, Hutch, Artemus, and also *BJ!

*(M*A*S*H is a bit of a unique case since the show flirts with queerness more openly in ways that people more into the series have explained better than me but I think it still fits the formula I’m discussing.)

Here’s the thing though right? We’ve got two best friends, and the show NEVER really feels right if one of them is missing unless the focus of the story is how A & B operate without each other while trying to find the other one. They stick with and rescue each other unfailingly in scenarios that might destroy a regular friendship.

Hell, there’s often stuff that would emotionally/physically destroy a regular person/character in modern media. But because it’s not serialized they always seem to pull through seemingly through the power of friendship alone or dealing with it off-screen! Emotional consequences? Yuck! (Unless it’s M*A*S*H or Starsky & Hutch, like I said, not monolithic)

Here’s the thing that some people might say throws a wrench into the interpretation I’m discussing. What about the absolutely non-stop parade of conventionally attractive women the main protagonist (and less frequently the supporting man) goes through?

I would reply: how many of those female characters actually emotionally impact our protagonists as characters long term?

The answer is of course, because it’s NOT serialized, almost none! Kirk can watch Edith Keeler get killed by a car accident and still be making eyes at Spock the next episode. Hawkeye can have a “life changing” romance with a Vietnamese humanitarian woman, then share a blanket with BJ next episode like she never existed!

The Doylist explanation of course is not just the fact it wasn’t serialized but also just, constant, blatant 20th century sexism. Which SUCKS!!! As well as not wanting a long term love interest to throw off the character dynamic of our duderagonists. It’s the 20th century tv equivalent of bros before hoes.

However the Watsonian explanation always seems to result in no love interest EVER being more important than what the two protagonists have no matter whether you think they’re queer or not. No attractive woman could make our reputed babe-hound protagonist abandon his buddy. There’s no earnest romance our more queer-coded supporting man doesn’t end (or get ended for him) often for the protagonist’s sake.

Now some of these women are incredibly well written and straight up GOOD matches for our guys. So why wouldn’t they get involved in something long term UNLESS!! They were in love with each other the WHOLE time?

What if protagonist (frequently the babe hound) doesnt know he’s queer, or knows but doesn’t know he’s in love with his bestie, or any number of similar fruity explanations? The supporting man also runs into this explanation but people tend to believe he’s already aware that he’s queer but either also doesn’t know he’s in love or is keeping it to himself because time-period homophobia and/or thinking (probably not unreasonably) that babe hound is straight?

Between the inherent closeness of being narrative foils. The regularly scheduled life or death drama creating sometimes insanely romantic (in the narrative if not a literal sense) drama between the two. The revolving door of weekly women they never seem to get attached to enough to leave one another. The non-serialized nature resulting in sparse personal information/history about the protagonists as a result.

I think between the very NATURE of the way tv shows were written at the time. Plus the way fandom was shaped by a dynamic that has rippled through how media works and is interpreted by fans for decades upon decades. It’s not hard to imagine getting really emotionally invested in the possibility of the protagonists being in love is a fantastic way to enjoy the media!

In conclusion, it’s really fun and easy to go “these bitches gay! Good for them good for them!”

[thelavendernarwhal]

I received an ask that a person wanted answered anonymously, so:

But I really, truly cannot stop thinking about this one scene in Legacy. It’s around page 351.

“You mean having Dizznee pull some money from your birth fund and then hitting up a shop for a couple of minutes?” Keefe asked. “Yeah, Dex told me all about how not exhausting that was last night, when he checked in to tell me how things went for you two in London, while someone was off doing something with Mr. Forkle…”

So what I’m hearing is sleepy Dex on call with Keefe? Dex telling Keefe that he’s tired? A cute little nightly convo?

Side note, why was Dex tired? Does his ability make him tired? I need more elaboration, Shannon.

This scene is hella interesting to me since you look at it and it immediately seems like a Sokeefe scene, but in the middle, it has this seemingly random shift into talking about a completely different character dynamic. The context this snippet falls into is Keefe trying to cheer up Sophie after she had an argument with Mr Forkle. It all makes sense within of their relationship and dynamic, but this bit of dialogue is communicating something pretty different. It’s pointing out that Keefe and Dex have a close friendship that Sophie isn’t super aware of and that Sophie doesn’t spend a lot of time with/pay attention to Dex. 

Both of these things can be chalked up to the fact the story is from Sophie’s perceptive. The big plot details have to happen or be explained to her or else they won’t make it to the reader. That doesn’t leave a lot of page time for banter, especially for a character like Dex who’s narrative role can mostly be done off stage. Of course, Dex’s character can be used for a lot more than ‘cool gadget guy’ (ie class divides, matchmaking/queer allegories, parallels to many other characters, etc), but that’s a whole different can of worms. Having moments like this that show things happening outside of Sophie helps establish a larger, more lively world. It shows that Sophie isn’t the center of the universe. 

But these little moments can be established with many different characters. There are so many background dynamics and friendships that can be leveraged for this purpose which makes it interesting that specifically Keefe and Dex are highlighted. In fact, these two are highlighted in this way fairly often. Back in book 3, the two of them hit it off quickly and spend more time together outside of a group setting which then translates into many Keefex moments (including getting their team/ship name). Late night calls are probably pretty common. 

But what really gets me about all of this is the casualness and I think it's because few other relationships in this series have that. Even characters that are established to be best friends have a good amount of tension between them (ie Fitz and Keefe, Sophie and Dex, Stina and Marella), but Keefe and Dex don’t have that. There’s a sense of stability and trust. They hang out and talk to each other without a practical reason to do so. Dex feels okay complaining to Keefe about projects and, presumably, feelings of isolation. Especially seen in Unlocked, Keefe trusts Dex to help him and hear some of the ugly things he doesn’t want to say to Sophie. There's definitely a lot of room for cute late night conversation on call, but also for a chill relationship in a sea of high-tension dynamics. 

The length of this thing kind of got away from me but that's my take :) 

(Also, I'm exploring a lot more of the mechanics of technopathy in my own writing, so I think that it's possible that Dex’s experience is something very similar to Keefe’s as the Forbidden Cities has more integrated technology that seemingly ‘speaks’ to Dex. That could be very overwhelming for him, hence why he's tired.)

[perfectlyripeclementine]

queer novel masterlist

cleaning up that post i've got running with books that touch on queerness. these are not organized in any particular fashion, or gathered along any particular theme. these are just gay novels i've either read and enjoyed or would like to read. blurbs are the books' own descriptions of themselves. not all these blurbs mention the queer stuff, but trust, if it's on this list it's in there. last updated 9 dec 23.

lists: sapphic books by Palestinian authors; butch memoirs; another list of masc, butch and stud books; a digital library of trans-related content; free access to the works of Leslie Feinberg.

After Sappho, Selby Wynn Schwartz. "“The first thing we did was change our names. We were going to be Sappho,” so begins this intrepid debut novel, centuries after the Greek poet penned her lyric verse. Ignited by the same muse, a myriad of women break from their small, predetermined lives for seemingly disparate paths: in 1892, Rina Faccio trades her needlepoint for a pen; in 1902, Romaine Brooks sails for Capri with nothing but her clotted paintbrushes; and in 1923, Virginia Woolf writes: “I want to make life fuller and fuller.” Writing in cascading vignettes, Selby Wynn Schwartz spins an invigorating tale of women whose narratives converge and splinter as they forge queer identities and claim the right to their own lives. A luminous meditation on creativity, education, and identity, After Sappho announces a writer as ingenious as the trailblazers of our past."

All Boys Aren't Blue, George M. Johnson In a series of personal essays, prominent journalist and LGBTQIA+ activist George M. Johnson's All Boys Aren't Blue explores his childhood, adolescence, and college years in New Jersey and Virginia.

The works of Dionne Brand: In Another Place, Not Here. Beautiful and meticulously wrought, set in both Toronto and the Caribbean, this astonishing novel gives voice to the power of love and belonging in a story of two women, profoundly different, each in her own spiritual exile.

Love Enough. In Love Enough, the sharp beauty of Brand's writing draws us effortlessly into the intersecting stories of her characters caught in the middle of choices, apprehensions, fears. Each of the tales here—June's, Bedri's, Da'uud's, Lia's opens a different window on the city they all live in, mostly in parallel, but occasionally, delicately, touching and crossing one another. Each story radiates other stories. In these pages, the urban landscape cannot be untangled from the emotional one; they mingle, shift and cleave to one another.

The young man Bedri experiences the terrible isolation brought about by an act of violence, while his father, Da'uud, casualty of a geopolitical conflict, driving a taxi, is witness to curious gestures of love and anger; Lia faces the sometimes unbridgeable chasms of family; and fierce June, ambivalent and passionate with her string of lovers, now in middle age discovers: "There is nothing universal or timeless about this love business. It is hard if you really want to do it right." Brand is our greatest observer—of actions, of emotions, of the little things that often go unnoticed but can mean the turn of a day. At once lucid and dream-like, Love Enough is a profoundly modern work that speaks to the most fundamental questions of how we live now.

What We All Long For. Tuyen is an aspiring artist and the daughter of Vietnamese parents who've never recovered from losing one of their children while in the rush to flee Vietnam in the 1970s. She rejects her immigrant family's hard-won lifestyle, and instead lives in a rundown apartment with friends—each of whom is grappling with their own familial complexities and heartache.

By turns thrilling and heartbreaking, Tuyen's lost brother—who has since become a criminal in the Thai underworld—journeys to Toronto to find his long-lost family. As Quy's arrival nears, tensions build, friendships are tested, and an unexpected encounter will forever alter the lives of Tuyen and her friends. Gripping at times, heartrending at others, What We All Long For is an ode to a generation of longing and identity, and to the rhythms and pulses of a city and its burgeoning, questioning youth.

The Human Origins of Beatrice Porter and Other Essential Ghosts, Soraya Palmer. Sisters Zora and Sasha Porter are drifting apart. Bearing witness to their father’s violence and their mother’s worsening illness, an unsettled Zora escapes into her journal, dreaming of being a writer, while Sasha discovers sex and chest binding, spending more time with her new girlfriend than at home.

But the sisters, like their parents, must come together to answer to something more ancient and powerful than they know—and reckon with a family secret buried in the past. A tale told from the perspective of a mischievous narrator, featuring the Rolling Calf who haunts butchers, Mama Dglo who lives in the ocean, a vain tiger, and an outsmarted snake, The Human Origins of Beatrice Porter and Other Essential Ghosts is set in a world as alive and unpredictable as Helen Oyeyemi’s.

Telling of the love between sisters who don’t always see eye to eye, this extraordinary debut novel is a celebration of the power of stories, asking, What happens to us when our stories are erased? Do we disappear? Or do we come back haunting?

Before We Were Trans, Kit Heyam. Today’s narratives about trans people tend to feature individuals with stable gender identities that fit neatly into the categories of male or female. Those stories, while important, fail to account for the complex realities of many trans people’s lives.     Before We Were Trans illuminates the stories of people across the globe, from antiquity to the present, whose experiences of gender have defied binary categories. Blending historical analysis with sharp cultural criticism, trans historian and activist Kit Heyam offers a new, radically inclusive trans history, chronicling expressions of trans experience that are often overlooked, like gender-nonconforming fashion and wartime stage performance. Before We Were Trans transports us from Renaissance Venice to seventeenth-century Angola, from Edo Japan to early America, and looks to the past to uncover new horizons for possible trans futures.  

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers, Lillian Faderman. As Lillian Faderman writes, there are "no constants with regard to lesbianism," except that lesbians prefer women. In this groundbreaking book, she reclaims the history of lesbian life in twentieth-century America, tracing the evolution of lesbian identity and subcultures from early networks to more recent diverse lifestyles. She draws from journals, unpublished manuscripts, songs, media accounts, novels, medical literature, pop culture artifacts, and oral histories by lesbians of all ages and backgrounds, uncovering a narrative of uncommon depth and originality.

note from roo: essay in this about how queer white women engaged with Harlem should be essential reading for white queers who enter spaces (like drag spaces, ballroom spaces etc) that are informed by Black culture.

Land of Milk and Honey, C Pam Zhang. A smog has spread. Food crops are rapidly disappearing. A chef escapes her dying career in a dreary city to take a job at a decadent mountaintop colony seemingly free of the world's troubles.

There, the sky is clear again. Rare ingredients abound. Her enigmatic employer and his visionary daughter have built a lush new life for the global elite, one that reawakens the chef to the pleasures of taste, touch, and her own body.In this atmosphere of hidden wonders and cool, seductive violence, the chef's boundaries undergo a thrilling erosion. Soon she is pushed to the center of a startling attempt to reshape the world far beyond the plate.

Sensuous and surprising, joyous and bitingly sharp, told in language as alluring as it is original, Land of Milk and Honey lays provocatively bare the ethics of seeking pleasure in a dying world. It is a daringly imaginative exploration of desire and deception, privilege and faith, and the roles we play to survive. Most of all, it is a love letter to food, to wild delight, and to the transformative power of a woman embracing her own appetite.

Grievers and Maroons by adrienne maree brown. Grievers is the story of a city so plagued by grief that it can no longer function. Dune’s mother is patient zero of a mysterious illness that stops people in their tracks—in mid-sentence, mid-action, mid-life—casting them into a nonresponsive state from which no one recovers. Dune must navigate poverty and the loss of her mother as Detroit’s hospitals, morgues, and graveyards begin to overflow. As the quarantined city slowly empties of life, she investigates what caused the plague, and what might end it. In anguish, she follows in the footsteps of her late researcher father, who has a physical model of Detroit’s history and losses set up in their basement. She dusts the model off and begins tracking the sick and dying, discovering patterns, finding comrades in curiosity, conspiracies for the fertile ground of the city, and the unexpected magic that emerges when the debt of grief is cleared.

In the second installment of the Grievers trilogy, adrienne maree brown brings to bear her background as an activist rooted in Detroit. The pandemic of Syndrome H-8 continues to ravage the city of Detroit and everyone in Dune's life. In Maroons, she must learn what community and connection mean in the lonely wake of a fatal virus. Emerging from grief to follow a subtle path of small pleasures through an abandoned urban landscape, she begins finding other unlikely survivors with little in common but the will to live. Together they begin to piece together the puzzle of their survival, and that of the city itself.

Elastoe, Darcie Little Badger. "Elatsoe—Ellie for short—lives in an alternate contemporary America shaped by the ancestral magics and knowledge of its Indigenous and immigrant groups. She can raise the spirits of dead animals—most importantly, her ghost dog Kirby. When her beloved cousin dies, all signs point to a car crash, but his ghost tells her otherwise: He was murdered. Who killed him and how did he die? With the help of her family, her best friend Jay, and the memory great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother, Elatsoe, must track down the killer and unravel the mystery of this creepy town and it’s dark past. But will the nefarious townsfolk and a mysterious Doctor stop her before she gets started? A breathtaking debut novel featuring an asexual, Apache teen protagonist, Elatsoe combines mystery, horror, noir, ancestral knowledge, haunting illustrations, fantasy elements, and is one of the most-talked about debuts of the year."

Sordidez, by E.G. Condé "In the ruin created by climate disaster and a devastating civil war, survivors in Puerto Rico and the Yucatán peninsula struggle to rebuild their communities and heal their lands, but powerful forces from abroad plot against them. Desperate for answers, Puerto Rican journalist Vero Diaz seeks the counsel of the Maya revolutionary known as the Loba Roja, triggering a chain of events that will forever reshape his destiny and the fate of the Caribbean world."

When They Tell You To Be Good, by Prince Shakur "When They Tell You to Be Good charts Shakur’s political coming of age from closeted queer kid in a Jamaican family to radicalized adult traveler, writer, and anarchist in Obama and Trump’s America. Shakur journeys from France to the Philippines, South Korea, and elsewhere to discover the depths of the Black experience, and engages in deep political questions while participating in movements like Black Lives Matter and Standing Rock. By the end, Shakur reckons with his identity, his family’s immigration, and the intergenerational impacts of patriarchal and colonial violence."

My Government Means to Kill Me, Rasheed Newson "Earl "Trey" Singleton III arrives in New York City with only a few dollars in his pocket. Born into a wealthy Black Indianapolis family, at 17, he is ready to leave his overbearing parents and their expectations behind.

In the city, Trey meets up with a cast of characters that changes his life forever. He volunteers at a renegade home hospice for AIDS patients, and after being put to the test by gay rights activists, becomes a member of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP). Along the way Trey attempts to navigate past traumas and searches for ways to maintain familial relationships—all while seeking the meaning of life amid so much death.

Vibrant, humorous, and fraught with entanglements, Rasheed Newson’s My Government Means to Kill Me is an exhilarating, fast-paced coming-of-age story that lends itself to a larger discussion about what it means for a young gay Black man in the mid-1980s to come to terms with his role in the midst of a political and social reckoning."

Where There Was Fire, John Manuel Arias Costa Rica, 1968. When a lethal fire erupts at the American Fruit Company’s most lucrative banana plantation burning all evidence of a massive cover-up, and her husband disappears, the future of Teresa’s family is changed forever.

Now, twenty-seven years later, Teresa and her daughter Lyra are picking up the pieces. Lyra wants nothing to do with Teresa, but is desperate to find out what happened to her family that fateful night. Teresa, haunted by a missing husband and the bitter ghost of her mother, Amarga, is unable to reconcile the past. What unfolds is a story of a mother and daughter trying to forgive what they do not yet understand, and the mystery at the heart of one family’s rupture.

Brimming with ancestral spirits, omens, and the anthropomorphic forces of nature, John Manuel Arias weaves a brilliant tapestry of love, loss, secrets, and redemption in Where There Was Fire.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

A Tale of Two Hannya: Flowers Without Names

Last time we dabbled in this area we made it clear we were just scratching the surface. I have a lot I want to say about how Kiku & Yamato play off of each other and how it plays into manga’s long history of playing with gender. We’ve already brought up the classic series on the right, Revolutionary Girl Utena, and how Yamato sorta falls into some of the same pitfalls of the iconic princely lady. But I don’t think this discussion is complete without acknowledging another very important landmark shoujo that still casts a long shadow today. The Rose of Versailles, an iconic 70s series starring the dashing Lady Oscar. Raised as a man to inherit her father’s spot in the royal guard and her “Anthy,” fitting for a story told with the backdrop of the French Revolution, is none other than Marie Antoinette.

So here’s our thesis. Famously the intent of Rose wasn’t initially Oscar. Antoinette was supposed to be the protagonist but was upstaged by such a novel heroine for the time. Utena was the deconstruction of what spawned in her wake. Wano’s Hannya duo? A wickedly smart evolution that’s actually quite responsive to contemporary social changes.

Oscar really does seem like she ended up being this accidental icon, but for all the glory and passion her story is so often wound up in how she can never really escape being sucked in to “women’s games.” It’s a solid recipe; she’s remarkable as a guard & soldier but situations force her to deal with things as a woman. Contrast between battle and courtroom intrigue. It’s a very old school type of feminist work. Similar tone if a different structure than Kozue in the slightly earlier Attack No.1 and a lot of our Pinkie Violence heroines. Deep down there’s always that “A woman is still a woman” element. That’s fallen out of fashion as more feminist depictions have become normal, but there’s a certain power in that internal dynamic. 

The appeal was just seeing a female lead doing cool shit. And this parallels a lot of world media from the 60s/70s. Still pretty old fashioned gender expectations but seeing women buck them at all was fresh. Thing is...give it twenty years and new issues crop up. By the 90s we have a generation that grew up on things like Rose of Versailles and analogues to the point this action girl tomboy is just a trope. A trope bordering on cliche. A trope that allowed how we write most women to stagnate. Love interests, mothers, etc. didn’t have to get with the times. Just toss in a girl that does cool guy things and you’re golden! Most copycats lacked the balance that made Rose so iconic.  Enter Utena, so far ahead of the curve. I’ve heard her described as revolutionary even.

The titular Utena is a fairy tale character in the real world. She is a perfect lil Mary Sue, but the more the story matures the more it becomes obvious a fairy tale character lacks the sense to pick up on real issues. That’s Utena’s magic; juxtaposing the uber cool main character with the actual scary forces in the world. Leading to an ending that lets seemingly useless, docile Anthy drive the point home. A character like Utena can inspire strength...but most girls are going to have to learn other tactics. “Utena” is the Japanese word for Calyx, the outer part of a flower bud that protects it. Smash the world’s shell...

Revolutionary for the time, ahead of the curve in so many ways. But its 30 years old now. We’re at a point it isn’t rare to see casual critique of leaning on the action girl tomboy as a crutch. Nothing new under the Sun, we’ve been here before. It’ll swing that way until a new generation thinks Peppermint Patty is subversive again. And that’s the landscape One Piece got to have fun with.

Which brings us to our pair of breakout new faces in Wano. One of the biggest changes to stories that play with gender roles in this day and age is the reality we pay more attention to why some people organically feel that way. Yamato’s still playing this trope straight. Very straight actually. Background is totally on par with Oscar and the way you go about it feels very similar...for the most part. Could say the same about Utena, Yams is someone who kept that spark of nobility equivalent well into adulthood. There is definitely not a “woman is still a woman” angle with Yamato. The bath scene is a great example. No, you just don’t have that modesty. 

Kiku has that element though, in spades. Her story runs on it. What was old fashioned becomes forward thinking now by combining two tropes. Let the girly trans woman have that old theme if it isn’t as relevant anymore for most women. Same logic I’d use to say she makes a great quartermaster template. It’d be an eyeroll to make most female crewmates the one swabbing the deck or doing laundry in establishing shots...not so much if it’s Kiku. Which gives a cool edge, what’s stifling for some is liberating for others. 

That said...looking at the two together I can’t unsee the gentle repudiation of the very extreme end “all that matters at all is what you say your are” mindset. We’re not getting into discourse here, I’m just identifying trends that exist regardless of how you may feel about them. One Piece is far, far, far from the only reflection the pendulum is swinging the other way even within the community. Yamato’s treated more on the same tier as like, Bon & Iva. He does feel a little more like a caricature at points. And I do think part of the way they’re used together is making a statement about their relative journeys. How certain aspects can feel like Yamato gets the best of both worlds and Kiku the worst. Yamato doesn’t have to care because at worst you’ll think he’s silly instead of creepy and for meeting that impossible bar of being the perfect lady as good as anyone in Wano...Kiku’s “prize” is having to juggle two sets of lofty expectations.  

I feel like Oda really knew what he was doing here. Knew teenage battle shonen fans would bend over backwards to make excuses for Yamato and aggressively ignore Kiku. If OP Academy’s pulling the same trick this was clearly the intent. Both play with the expectations of that generic Strong Female Character archetype One Piece has generally avoided. Oda’s great at writing women but seems to feel that action girl tomboy is a crutch too. We’ll probably revisit this one down the line. It’s a deep well and one that’s delicate to talk about. But I wanted to end this tour of my drafts page for the last year with a bang.

[revoleotion]

Now that the 24 hours reading challenge is completed, here's what I read (+ a quick rating now that it's still fresh)

Bruderschaft (Brotherhood) - 7/10

THE GOOD POINTS

Great Star Wars book to establish Anakin's and Obi-Wan's relationship at the start of the clone wars and where it will go

Obi-Wan gets to meet cute one of his many future side bitches (and they are immediately NOT normal about each other)

intriguing enough side characters, very on the nose with the parallels to existing characters but that's not a bad thing here

good world building, points made about sci-fi/fantasy racism and disrespect towards "ugly" alien culture, especially art

MINUS POINTS

just needless Mace Windu slander nobody needed or wanted? He seemingly only existed to show how much poor little meow meow Anakin being bullied by the bad evil jedi master who doesn't want him here

adding to this after some great takes from milena: it's not THAT bad and only ever coming from Anakin's pov (who is irrational) and Palpatine (using it to manipulate Anakin), so it's fine. But. People are already extremely unfair towards Mace and this book doesn't help.

the book couldn't have sucked up any harder to Qui-Gon if it crawled up his ass, slipped back out in the front and offered to do his taxes for him. In my personal opinion problematic (but more so just... wrong?) portrayal of conflicts between him and Obi-Wan, and he's overall just. presented as this perfect, idolized fanon version people want him to be, neglecting anything we see him do in the Episodes (or the very CANON Master & Apprentice novel)

Middlesex - 10/10

Just overall a story I really enjoyed and is beautifully crafted, both the story/pacing, and the flow of the German translation

It will always have a special place in my heart because my dad recommended and then gifted it to me, and while it clearly doesn't describe my exact experience, it is the reason he has a more nuanced and understanding view on intersex and non-binary identity

Maybe I have just read a lot of bad/sanitized fiction lately but what really got me was how believable Cal's pov was. The narration never breaks away from the protagonist's beliefs and doesn't shy away from letting anyone in the novel have problematic world views (some of which they are aware of, some of which they aren't, and some of which they never challenge). Everybody in it is a person. And sometimes people cause harm for other people. Some people shovel their own grave. Some are just killed. It's so well done.

It also included several quotes that had the audacity to come into my house, punch me in the face and steal my lunch money. For example the moment of describing undressing in the bedroom during two very traumatized people's first time as unwrapping the bandages of a wound. Really made me pause for a moment. Fuck.

This is how you lose the time war - 13/10

I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't think I have read a book this good in years. It will haunt me. It made me want to write countless essays about it. It made me want to savor the words one after the other like a meal that's so good you're terrified of finishing it. I predicted the ending a few pages in. It still caught me off-guard. I expected my heart to be broken but it didn't.

A lot of media nowadays just makes you feel like shit. This novel managed to make me cry multiple times and still didn't leave me feeling destroyed. (So that is possible. Not everything needs to be dark and depressing for the sake of being dark and depressing. What a concept.)

A dowry of blood - 10/10

Vampires. Many, many complicated feelings. Sex. Beautiful language. I loved it.

What I really, REALLY want to praise it for is that the character narrating the events wants to find humanity in someone repeatedly choosing cruelty over it, and even when she has to admit that he is dangerous, her (and any other characters') hope in him is never presented as naive or wrong. It's simply presented as a specific single case of a single person choosing cruelty, and we are left to wonder if her realization could've come earlier but never get an answer.

Also just really hit a lot of my tastes from a smut perspective. That's all I'm saying for now.

[lias36912]

What I think is kind of funny is that I started my little story of Yusaku and Ai being Skull because I thought that Yusaku was a lot like the Clouds are described in Katekyo Hitman Reborn and Ai is more or less like Skull. So I was like, why don't I write those two as Skull. And the more I write and read the comments I get, the more parallels I see between those stories. Like those two being like a Cloud and like Skull and then the parallels between Ai and Luce, with their knowledge/visions/calculations of the future. Another one would be the theme of human experimentation, with Yusaku and Mukuro. I am honestly surprised about how many similarities exist between two stories that have seemingly nothing to do with each other. I think that is part of the fun of writing crossovers. You search for something that makes sense even if it isn't supposed to make sense, you could say.

What similarities/parallels do you see?

[everythingwritingg]

Adding subplots to your story

@everything.writing on IG

Though not very common in short stories, novels typically have subplots. However, this can sometimes be difficult because it can be hard to think of ideas for appropriate subplots or think of a way to balance subplots with the main plots. Here are my best tips for that:

Make sure your subplots serve a purpose in your plot. Don’t use subplots to fluff up the word count of your story because this often leads to subplots that don’t fit into the main plot. If your story would be the same without the subplot, then consider removing it. Subplots can be used to build character relationships, develop your protagonist’s arc, establish inner conflict, or many other purposes!

Write all your subplots in a list. Seriously, sometimes it’s hard to keep track of the amount of subplots you have and then some of them are abandoned midway through the book or not tied up at the end. Towards the end of the story, make sure that you’re not just randomly ditching subplots and that you tie them up, or leave a little for the sequel.

Remember that it is a SUBplot. Your subplot should not take up all the attention and cause you to neglect the main plot. However, if this does happen, consider making the subplot the main plot and the main plot a subplot. Sometimes what started as a subplot is intended to be a main plot.

Types of subplots –

- Romantic subplots are one of the most common subplots, which includes a romantic relationship as the character is dealing with the main conflict. For example, Katniss and Peeta are in a relationship as they are trying to survive the Hunger Games.

- Mirror subplots are intended to mirror the main conflict through a smaller scale conflict, often through other characters experiencing the struggle. This could be a character contemplating separating with her boyfriend as they grow apart (main conflict), as her parents get into a painful divorce (subplot).

- Parallel subplots are when there are two seemingly different plots and they collide at the end. This could be when one group of people journey through the ocean to get to a mountain with a rich gold mind, and then another group is walking through the mountain range to get to the same destination, then they meet each other and then fight over the gold.

- Conflicting subplots is when your protagonist faces an additional conflict that is another further obstacle to achieving their goal. This could be the death of a mentor that has been guiding the mission and now the protagonist has to do the rest of their mission solo.

- Bookend subplots are when a conflict is introduced early on in the story, then the main plot is introduced and the subplot is left untouched, until the main plot is done and the protagonist learned how to deal with the subplot at the beginning through the mission. For example, in Whatever After: If the shoe fits, Abby is frustrated by her parents being a lot busier than before and not having much time to cook a proper breakfast or do the laundry. Abby then travels into the fairytale of Cinderella and then the main plot ends with Cinderella learning to stand on her own two feet. When Abby returns home, she realizes that she should stand on her own two feet as well and do the laundry and cook breakfast herself (she’s 10, so she isn’t using to doing this stuff herself)

- Typically most books have a combination of some of these. You can have multiple of one category, and you don’t need to have one from each category. You should do whatever fits your story best

A little long post after a few short posts, because my SAT is over and now I have a little more free time at least for these two weeks. I hope you all enjoyed and good luck on both your main plot and subplots.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe

5/5. Releases 1/24/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Enemies to lovers, duke in the streets/freak in the sheets, Sagittarius-coded heroines, rough sex, and lines so romantic they'll make your heart grow three sizes.

Once upon a time, there was a romance series, and it was a great romance series (one of my favorites, easily). And in the first book, The Heiress Hunt, you got the rare legitimately compelling friends to lovers moment--but who stood between the friends (who became lovers)? The hot, perfectly coiffed, gentlemanly Duke of Lockwood (Fuckwood). Rather conspicuously during this novel, the heroine's best friend, bon vivant girl about town Nellie, was all, "You should not marry the Duke of Lockwood!!! He's the worst!!! Why? I shall not elaborate!!!"

And so, for the next book, The Lady Gets Lucky, Lockwood romanced another heroine in the hope of getting dollar princess dollars. But lo, he was cucked. Again. In the third book he didn't even try, but he still sort of got cucked, because why not? That's hilarious. But throughout the series, you get these little hints and asides that suggest that while Lockwood and Nellie hate each other, they really hate how much they want to absolutely rail the fuck out of each other.

Thus, we get The Duke Gets Even.

Truly, I don't know that I've ever been as excited about a romance release as I am about The Duke Gets Even. I was practically campaigning for an ARC of this book. And I have no regrets, even though I don't think that campaigning mattered much, because I have read this book several times since I got the ARC, and it is glorious.

There's something about a great historical romance series--wherein all the books do stand alone, but when read in sequence, you get these great tidbits of how a happy couple is doing, or who might come next. The Fifth Avenue Rebels has been great in this sense, giving us several parallel stories that all spin off of the same wild Newport house party (and building a core group of friends that I love). But undoubtedly, the couple that Joanna Shupe has been teasing the entire time is Nellie and Lockwood--a spitfire rich girl with a keen sense towards reproductive justice, and a seemingly uptight duke who needs to marry an American heiress in order to secure his estate's future. Reading previous books (which again, isn't necessary but is fun, not least of all because they're just good books) you know that Nellie has actively campaigned against this man getting with any of her friends. Now we see why. And we also get a love story that is less about his worries over her reputation, regardless of what the setup may make you think... and more about Nellie's fears of emotional intimacy and what an uncertain future with Lockwood (government name Andrew, I'll add) could hold. Trust and believe: the man is all in with her quite early in the book--while Nellie's journey really imitates a traditional historical romance hero's journey. God, Joanna Shupe's brain.

Quick Takes:

--Yes, this book is hot as fuck. Yes, he's a bit of a freak. To get it out of the way: Lockwood likes rough sex. Fortunately, Nellie also likes rough sex! He's into biting her and leaving bruises, she's into scratching him and drawing blood. There's a wonderful moment when he promises to ~stick to the outside~ because of previous exertions that lives rent free in my head. While I would say the sex in this book is very intimate and vulnerable and oftentimes emotional, I wouldn't say that it's like... "He parted my tender petals" sex. Which, like--is why Joanna Shupe, in my opinion, writes some of the best sex scenes in historical romance. Easily. The sex Nellie and Lockwood have feels authentic to who they are and their relationship.

--So much water in this book! I love a motif. Nellie and Lockwood meet in the water; swimming is an important part of life for him; they bond over her dad letting him use the indoor pool (Cornelius Young, my brother in CHRIST, setting these two up for naked pool shenanigans... He said "If my daughter's gonna have wild sex in inappropriate locations, I'd rather it be with a gentleman who adores her"). Lockwood's always like "Nellie is a beautiful winsome mermaid, I find that so annoying".

--I love that much of the emotional crux of this book does surround Nellie's love of women and her desire for a maternal figure. She does have one, but the loss of her mother is still acute, and that felt very emotionally authentic to me. Also: there is an amazing undercurrent of being the last single woman in your group of beloved female friends, and how lonely that can be, and oof--I've never read that in a historical in a manner that isn't about the woman wanting to get married, but the woman feeling isolated from her friends, and stunted somehow. Hit me real hard.

--I feel like it's important to say that this book is obviously very timely. Nellie does crusade for women's rights, and she has had an abortion in the past and has zero regrets about it. She distributes birth control to women who really fucking need it (that is: women who don't have the money to get it through illicit channels like Nellie and her friends do). It's very well done, and while I anticipated Nellie's activities putting her into conflict with Lockwood... They really don't? Not in the way you're thinking, at least.

--There is a lot of interesting "here's what a duke actually was in society by this point" shit, which I found hilarious and a great takedown of the "all powerful duke" in historical romance. In many ways, Lockwood is very alpha and take charge and everything you want from a historical romance hero. But also, the conceit of his entire plot since day one has been that he is BROKE. And he's in America! He's basically a fun little party guest! With no money! He came to the States with his title, his massive cock, and a dream.

--The dirty talk in this novel? The amount of times he'd just call her "darling" after instructing her to do a sex thing? "I'm going to cover you in bite marks, darling"???? There's such a fun back and forth in the dialogue between these characters. You definitely get filled in on the time that's passed over the previous three books, and how Nellie and Lockwood have been dealing with their shenanigans in the background of the other love stories. It leaves you with two people who aren't friends but do know each other quite well, and can't resist the urge to dig at one another.

--I love Nellie so much. Easily a top heroine for me. (Who does in fact get on top.) But I will say that Lockwood's inner monologue was just... fabulous. The amount of times this man would just be like "WELP. ONCE AGAIN THE WORLD IS HERE TO SHIT ON ME" when he wasn't just rhapsodizing over Nellie? Honestly, a relatable king.

--There is a thing in this book that did yield a moment and a love confession in which I did tear up, and I'm kind of impressed by how Shupe to chose to leave it. Like, I know how I'm interpreting shit, but--especially considering a recent discussion on romance Twitter--I found it intriguing.

This is just what I wanted it to be--a good dose of enemies to lovers, a man who's butt crazy in love, and a woman who can't deal with it. Also, the kinds of ridiculously hot sex scenes that only Joanna Shupe can deliver. God bless. I couldn't recommend it more.

Thank you to Netgalley and Avon for giving me a free copy of this book exchange for an honest review.

[stranger-rants]

If you were to write Max S4 narrative, how would you have written it? How would you have set it up during the „3 months later?

And also looking at canon what you have added or taken away for the story to flow more naturally ?

I am not actually a great writer. I just notice things I like or don't like about a narrative and throw in my two cents. So, I don't know if my ideas make sense or not. 😂

For Max, I would have added more nuance. It was really clumsy for them to put in her second letter to Billy seemingly validating harm towards Billy while also punishing her for it. I mean, I understand the purpose of that letter was to draw Vecna out but the audience seems to think this was a good thing even though it ended up almost killing her. So, they need to go back to those feelings and help her sort them out because they obviously are weighing on her in a destructive way.

I'm not extremely invested in every aspect of Stranger Things season 5. I'm just ready for it to be over, but here are some general things I would like to see:

Max doesn't just become another victim. She is able to overcome her guilt/shame and wakes from her coma ready to heal. I do think it would be more meaningful if that involved her meeting the real Billy in the Upside Down, but I have a feeling The Duffers will drop the ball on that.

Will makes it out alive. I'm concerned by the Billy parallels, even if the Duffers don't always do anything profound with parallels.

Argyle gets a last name.

I honestly do not care about the Mileven vs Byler ship war, but I have a major fear it's going to dominate the fandom s5. I hope this isn't fueled by s5, but I'm not holding my breath. Worried about Mike losing one or both of them and the fans having a fit or ship bashing. I really don't think Mike is at risk of being killed off.

I am dreading the possibility of Steve and Nancy getting back together. Nancy needs to realize that she's happier pursuing her own interests and Steve needs to learn that his value isn't dependent on romantic relationships. Give Steve some real character development.

I know there's fan theories of Eddie returning changed by the upside down which is fine in fanon but I think if that were to actually happen in canon, it would cheapen his death and/or be done for shallow reasons such as fan appeal rather than narrative sense. Given the way that The Duffers talked about Eddie, I don't trust them at all.

Obviously Vecna has to go down for good. I do think there's a possibility he might use Will again or attempt to pit Will and El against each other as abusers often do. Not that Will would willingly fight her or vice versa. I do think it would be a good way to close the series by allowing them both a hand in ending Vecna.

That's all I got really.

[nikkireedsource]

Nikki Reed Read All of Your Emails and Now She Has Something to Say

It took her a month to pore over nearly a thousand thoughtful, insightful, and heartbreaking letters. Now Nikki Reed is ready to share with she's learned from her powerful call to action.

Welcome to Take Five, my recurring column on ELLE.com culled from a lifelong passion for animals, the outdoors, and feeling good. For me, the notion of taking five—whether the number pertains to ingredients in a food or just a moment to ask your body how it's feeling—can make all the difference. Consider this your 300-second-long wellness retreat.

I spent the last two weeks reading many of your responses to my last column and have been answering as frequently as my schedule would allow given that I am currently in production. It is important to me for you to know that I am not someone who can skim through your eloquently written and vulnerably presented thoughts on the topic. I actually read them, and have one thing to say: thank you. I found myself so enveloped by all of you; your ideas, your feelings, your stories, your wisdom, and your perspective. To be perfectly honest with you, I am at a loss for words.

While I set out to challenge each of you to email me about what makes you feel good, I had no idea how inspired I would find myself. I quickly realized this was not a one-sided challenge: Your responses have sparked a fire in me. I found myself Googling the meaning of the word "inspiration," because I was sure I would find something that could better express how I felt about all of you. What goes without saying is the amount of love and light that each and every one of you possess. Some of you suggested changing the way we view the world, each other, our animals, and our youth. Others talked about the joy they feel from teaching people, loving one another, helping strangers, connecting with kids being picked on at school, creating art, volunteering, or dancing in their living room for no reason. I read about girls being bullied and girls who were once bullies. I heard from teachers, mothers, and siblings about their perspective as an outsider looking in, wanting to help.

And while all of you presented something unique, I found one unexpected common theme: control. When people feel out of control, it breeds insecurity, which can result in bullying. Whether it's a lack of control over others or themselves, the need to bully is absolutely manifested by the power one feels when they can affect people's feelings. So, if there is one thing I want to leave you with as we continue on this journey of learning about human behavior together, it is this: While people can absolutely affect your feelings, they cannot control them.

So start with that. Find your own power in knowing that just because some girl at school scared you or made you cry, it does not mean she can control you or your feelings. Pretty powerful, right? One girl even wrote, "They are bullies because they are alone," which is another interesting observation—one with a seemingly simple solution.

But the question remains, How do we find the good? How do we focus on the positive in an attempt to fuel those qualities? Many of you suggested confidence-building techniques, such as learning a skill, that can serve as a creative outlet for both the bully and the person being bullied. I was intrigued by this because it drew a parallel between both parties, which can encourage empathy, a tool that is very valuable for growth. You told me your stories about how yoga, poetry, dance, music, or writing helped you to release a lot the anger or sadness you felt trapped inside after being bullied. Expression through art or self expression is another common theme I found in your letters.

I received a note from a young girl who said that though she was raised in a traditional town where girls were encouraged to have long hair, shaving her head made her feel like an individual. So despite the criticism she received from family and friends after cutting off all of her hair, she still felt happy because she got to be herself. I read a letter from a girl who said creating recycled art is what makes her feel like a better person, and another from a girl who said her long-winded answers to simple questions used to make her feel insecure until she discovered her love for writing. One woman said she volunteered as a math teacher at San Quentin State Prison and is passionate about educational and vocational opportunities for those who are incarcerated. Another girl said that she thinks bullies should go to law school because they would make great lawyers. I must admit the apparent truth in that made me chuckle.

A letter I will never forget came from a girl whom I actually met a week prior to writing my post. Kayla was irritated that the punishment for her speeding ticket was community service, and she happened to be serving that time at the animal shelter where I was volunteering. Unbeknownst to me, the girls had been whispering about whether or not I was "that girl" when I walked over to talk to them about the value of volunteering. We spoke about getting the opportunity to work with animals, how much they need us, and not being "above" cleaning up kennels. I had no idea that she would later read my column and send me one of the most beautiful emails I have ever read. Kayla, I may have touched your life, but you'll never know how you've touched mine.

It's people like you that give me hope. It's your humility—not to mention your willingness to change your perspective and apply that mental shift to everything in your life—that will inspire many to come.

As I said from the beginning of my new adventure as a writer for ELLE.com, I am not an expert on anything I write about. This column is simply an opportunity for me to share a piece of my mind with all of you. And now, more importantly, it's a forum for all of you to openly express yourselves. The dialogue we have encouraged here is invaluable. Togetherness, that's the only way we learn. And we can only share if we're willing to listen. Until next time, take five.

Original article

[astoldbyanj]

Prompt : Write about a What if in your life

A Bonfire Story

Part 1 The Spark

I didn't know it til it hit me. 

Bullseye, a flaming arrow to my chest. She had a fire in her belly and a fierceness in her eyes. I had a warmth in my smile and a skip in my step. We started out as friends, as the best of lovers always do. 

We were both so young, just two eager-eyed creative souls. We bonded over shared passions, how we both wore our hearts on our sleeves, unlike (seemingly) everyone else. We bonded over shared dreams. We'd lie on our backs in the middle of the classroom hallway, and look up at the cold florescent lights as though they were stars in the sky. 

One drunken night, I let her hold me in her arms. I looked up at her, blinking at the blinding truth that yes, I wanted her too. I pulled her closer to my breath, and in that moment, it felt like we were never meant to let go. 

We made magic together. We made poetry together. We'd stay up all night, telling non-stop stories to each other, hoping our story together would never end. We've never known love could keep us that warm, and burn that bright. 

We said one day, we would run away, and keep each other warm forever. 

___

Part 2 The Burn Out 

I didn't know it til it broke me. 

My first real heartbreak. Every morning, I'd get up hoping it was just a nightmare. I dragged myself to the bathroom like every step was walking on shards of glass. For three years we walked on flames for our love. How could a flame that bright turn into only embers?

We were both so young, just two reckless kids playing too close to the fire. When we couldn't take the heat, we'd burn out. Our hands and feet scarred by the burn marks. When her fierceness revealed itself to be fear, she'd lash out at me, like a dragon with a dagger in its wing. Hurt people hurt people. And I fought fire with fire. I was too young and immature to know a more loving way to fight.

The same flaming arrow that once captured my heart, was the same one that pierced through my soul. The same passion that I once fell in love with, was the same one that pushed us to our downfall. The same fire that molded us, that shaped our adolescent years together, has now burned away into the ground. Leaving behind two different mounds, almost unrecognizable from each other. 

One cool afternoon, I let her hold me one last time. We were on our go-to bench, sharing earphones, listening to a sad song about a love gone lost. She looked up at me with pleading eyes, asking if we could still be in each other's lives. It felt wrong if we wouldn't be. But l couldn't even meet her gaze, my eyes stinging in salt, and bitter sadness. It was too painful. Can lovers really turn back into friends? 

We said one day, maybe we'll be okay.

___

Part 3 A Second Match

I didn't know it til it was too late. Years of healing meant I couldn't look back. 

But what if it wasn't. What if what seemed like opposite roads were parallel lines that eventually converged back to each other? What happens when you relight one end of the line? Will the other catch flame too?

We were both so young back then... Now not anymore. I've grown tougher, thicker skinned, not easily burned. She grew calmer, cooler headed, not easily provoked... Both evolutions shaped through the wise old teachers called pain, grief, and time.

One mundane morning driving out for errands,  I let myself take a little detour. It just felt like a good day to drive the long way home. Ten minutes later, there I was. Finding myself pulling over to our old spot by the bell tower. I walked to the same bench where we used to sit, realizing that this bench has been there for so many versions of me. There was the college kid version of me, who was madly in love, terribly insecure, but carelessly happy too. I remember sitting there, with her head laying on my lap, and the sun in our hair. Then there was the broken mess of a shell of me. I remember sitting there with my knees to my chest, bawling my eyes out like it was the end of the world.

Then there's the version of me now. There was the girl I've become, more certain of herself, more true. I heard a little voice inside me say, I wish she could see me now, I wish she could be here now. 

Then I heard another voice say, 

"Hey,"

It was a familiar voice, so familiar, that it took me a while to register it wasn't part of my own. The voice was approaching the bench, calling out to me. It was a little shy, a little unsure, but it was a voice I'd know from a mile away. 

The sun was high above by now, enough to blind my vision. I blinked twice, checking if this was just another one of those dreams. But it wasn't. She was really there. 

By then she was just a few feet away I could touch her. Just the thought of that was like a match strike, shooting sparks up my arm. I could touch her. I could hold her hand. I could tell her, 

"Hey, you know what? We're okay. We're okay now."

Part 4 to continued (or not)

[feathered-serpents]

I’m gonna be honest. As a queer author, there is a sort of pressure to reach a, for lack of better terms, “queerness quota” in my work

Like, in the book I’m writing, the most important characters are two women. They are foils to each other, follow the themes of the story in a very different ways, and both have arcs very effected by the arc of the other

And as I was planning this and loving the parallels I was building, this voice in my head turns on and goes “Well, they have to get together.” 

And it wasn’t like that urge that every writer knows, where you’re writing and as your characters become more and more solid they seemingly start to make decisions on their own and you have to just roll with it. This was like… an order. They HAVE to get together, it doesn’t matter that their story was not and never was meant to be a love story, they HAVE to get together because if they don’t, then I am no better than a cishet queerbaiting author

The worst part is I cannot pretend internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality played no part in the fact that they do not have a love story. If one of them were a man, would it be a love story? Honestly, I can’t tell you. Maybe. I can say I would’ve strongly considered it, but one of them isn’t a man, and if it were a love story, I would be writing a very different story

These women are meant to be representations of the ways trauma can shape people into becoming compassionate or bitter, of how anger can manifest as loud and violent or simmer behind gentle hands, of how two people can grow up in an unjust world and one can want to burn it to the ground, and one can want to rebuild what they have. 

It’s a common ground story, it’s a learning how to understand another might be right even when you aren’t wrong story. It’s a very important story to me because yes, it is built on very queer experiences, and it is not a love story

I don’t even think a love story would be bad! I don’t! Maybe as I go I’ll decide that is the direction I want to go in, but right now, it isn’t. It was ALWAYS two women because it was important that they both be women, and this was ALWAYS their story. It scares me that I feel pressure to change that because of constant bad-faith criticisms and attacks on other authors over what is “good queer literature” 

And like. I do realize this is just me thinking this. This book isn’t written let alone on the shelves. No one is actually saying this to me, but it doesn’t come from nothing. I do think there is pressure on queer authors to make their works “sufficiently queer” or their work is simply not queer enough to be satisfactory. “Queerbaiting” is thrown around so flippantly it’s begun to lose all meaning. Never mind that there are queer characters, just not in a relationship. Never mind that an actual queer person wrote it, it is not true queer lit if it doesn’t fit a “queerness quota” and no, you will not have that quota defined 

I don’t know if this makes sense. I’m tired. I’m frustrated that I have no choice in being a “queer author” and there are some who will never allow me to decide what that means for me, if it doesn’t fit what it means for them

[scorpionyx9621]

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

[sugadaily]

On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.

How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work. SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.

You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too. SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)

I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days? SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.

As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time? SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.

Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state? SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.

What effect do those emotions have when you work on music? SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.

You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.” In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice? SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.

As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes? SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.

What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE. SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.

BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.” SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.

What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in? SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.

But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward. SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.

Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music? SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.

You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer. SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.

As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry. SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.

How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry? SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS? SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.

They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain. SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.

That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now. SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.

What do you mean when you say fun and happy music? SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.

So that’s why you do music. SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.

[writing-in-april]

Converging Parallels

Spencer Reid x Female Single Mom Reader (Spencer’s POV)

Summary: Spencer goes to a support group Penelope suggested after the death of Maeve. He quickly connects with a single mom who’s experiences have been similar to Spencer’s.

A/N: I’m prefacing this by saying I know shit about math and am horrible at it lol 😂 so my math analogies might be horribly off 😂 This is my fifth fic for my 30 fics in 30 days for April- this one was requested by @samuel-de-champagne-problems- this is the request- (go check out there fics too!!) I tweaked it a little bit so I hope you enjoy it 🥺 a lot of it is confined to Spencer grappling with his thoughts- but there is dialogue I promise lol 😂I had a good time writing it ☺️Thanks for all the love recently and if you want to drop me an ask for any reason you can do so here- I’m always looking for some new friends on here (I promise I don’t bite lol) Thanks again and hope y’all enjoy 🥰

Warnings: Angst with a hopeful ending, General dealings surrounding death and grief, Mentions of Maeve’s death, Reader’s a widow, Guilt about moving on, Reader’s child is a daughter

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.6k

Parallel lines were never supposed to meet, they were set on a strict path following in a similar direction with no hope of ever converging. At least that’s what was the widely accepted definition by anyone with any authority in the field of mathematics.

My own math degree was being contested by a set of two lines set on a collision course with each other, though they were not supposed to. Logically I knew that the two lines were not beholden to any mathematical equation as I was referring to two human lives.

We were set on a similar course, only slight differences that seemingly were leading us to different destinations, or at least I tried to convince myself that. I tried every night to convince myself that she was only a friend, that it wasn’t what she wanted and I was desecrating the memory of the person I still claimed to be the only person I loved.

Logically I knew that by forcing where I wanted our relationship to go, what I thought the universe wanted to happen wasn’t what I truly wanted. The reason I had boxed us in so vehemently was only because I was scared and guilty, I knew it too. I wanted us to converge, but logic doesn’t always win out when dealing with guilt.

It had all started with Garcia mentioning that I should consider going to a grief support group after the death of Maeve. Every action I took was being weighed down by her death, whether I cared to admit it or not.

Garcia had good intentions when she suggested going to this meeting to me, of that I was sure. It isn’t that I saw no reason to go to the support group, I just knew that it would dreg up all the unwanted feelings that bombarded me enough already.

The flier in my hands felt heavy even though it was made of paper it weighed my hands down enough where I almost dropped it. I could have let it go then to have it fly away, being taken by the wind, that would let me forget about it. But, I knew it would have only made me forget for a short while, I’d inevitably get questions from Garcia and my own mind wouldn’t let me forget the reality of what had happened. And, logically I knew that it would most likely help. So instead of letting the wind take it away, I crumpled the paper slightly in my hands out of frustration, moving my feet forward one step at a time to enter the building.

That’s where I had first met her. When I first walked in I didn’t immediately lock eyes with her or anything, my eyes were too fixated on the ground for that to happen.

I only noticed her when she was invited to tell her story. Her strength instantly captivated me, almost making me feel like a failure at first. Her story of how she lost her husband was eerily similar in some aspects, especially the cause of his death. The feeling of failure on my part to be strong swirled in my gut as she recounted her struggles that were so starkly similar to mine. She even had a young daughter to take care of as well, she often spoke of her whenever she told her story, almost neglecting herself sometimes- which she admitted she knew she needed to work on.

However, when she came up to me to talk after the meeting was concluded my opinion switched to view her as inspiring. We began getting coffee after each meeting, sometimes talking for hours, sometimes sitting in silence. Whatever I needed she was there to give it to me, whenever she needed help I wanted to be there too.

To see our almost parallel lives begin to converge at first felt like someone had driven a car into traffic about to collide straight into my path. My mind would not stop arguing about whether or not I should pull away from her or not, like guilt was on shoulder and my potential happiness was on the other.

—-

Guilt was eating away at me from the inside out slowly, that part of my mind would not stop clawing away any good aspect of my relationship with Y/N. The relationship between us had shifted in recent weeks, tension invading what had once been a simply platonic connection formed through our shared experiences. When it became clear to me what our lingering stares and touches were leading to, guilt had reared its ugly head to burrow its way down deep and take root.

It had disrupted my sleep even more than usual, nightmares ranging from Maeve guilting me to the visuals of her death. The images of Maeve and any time I had shared with her invaded my brain at all hours of the night, haunting me. I scrunched my eyes up tight, maybe that would banish the images from my brain. That only made the guilt worse it seemed as I now felt double the guilt for wanting to banish the thoughts about a person I still claimed to love.

My hand hit the pillow in frustration, then grabbing it and throwing it to some unknown location across the room. Sitting up, no longer being able to tolerate laying down knowing that sleep would never come, made my exhausted joints beg me to lay back down. I leaned forward to put my head in my hands, also tangling my curls with my fingers. I tried to think about what Y/N had said to me at one of the first meetings I had attended, my normally impeccable memory struggled as the memory of Maeve’s bloodied face would not leave. Screaming internally was the only thing that seemed to work to push the words I was looking for forward,

“I try to think about something my therapist told me- Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.”

The quote wasn’t something groundbreaking or new, though the origins were unknown. But, the words still struck me deep everytime I forced my memory to call back on them.

The words she had spoken in the meeting when talking about her husband made me want to try too. She inspired me whenever she told snippets of her story to me or the rest of the group, her story had been similar to mine- with the added element of having a daughter to raise on her own.

Her strength was what had drawn me to her initially, like a moth to flame. Our relationship wasn’t even a friendship at first, just two people sharing advice (more her giving it to me) about how to deal with crippling grief.

What had blossomed since then from death and decay had thrown me for a loop. I hadn’t been expecting for this to happen, I never even thought romance would be an option for me again. I thought that I would have one great love and that our time in the sun had ended along with any option for romantic interests in the future.

Then she came along and spun my thinking upside down, not that I blamed her at all for it. She originally had just reached out to help me, not to pursue any romantic connection purposefully while I was vulnerable.

She continued to stay with me to help despite my urge to push her away even though that’s not what I wanted. I tried hard to convince myself that our lives were never meant to connect, that we were destined to remain apart.

It took many more sleepless nights for me to realize what I hadn’t seen for so long, even with Y/N reassuring me at every turn. Maeve would want me to be happy, I was sure of it. So I’d try to let myself, no longer letting myself get hindered by my own swirling thoughts of guilt that Maeve wouldn’t have wanted me to feel.

—-

Asking her out on a date had been surprisingly easy once I had let go a little of my guilt. We had chosen to go somewhere different than a coffee shop, since we already did that often. I took her out to more of an upscale restaurant than she was used to, which may be too fancy for some for a first date, but she deserved it. She worked so hard to take care of her daughter and even me to some extent.

At the end of the night we were both standing outside her door ready to go in to relieve the babysitter for the night. I had already given her a chaste kiss for the night, even though my nerves kept trying to talk me out of it. I was about to say goodbye when she grabbed my wrist to hold in her hands. She looked afraid at first, almost like she wondered if I wouldn’t like her touching me. Touch may bother me with most people, but she wasn’t most people, I’d happily share germs with her. When I did not pull away relief was evident in her eyes, then taking a big breath before speaking,

“Would you like to meet my daughter?” Her voice was shaky, understandably full of worry.

“Of course.” In the past hesitation would have littered my voice if she had asked me the same question. But, my thoughts had been slowly shifting to want our lines to converge fully and with no fear. Sure, Maeve would always capture a place in my heart, but I was ready for our lives to collide. Our parallel lives converged into one line, with a set path forward. It may get derailed from its intended path, but we would be stronger together than apart.

Ask me anything

—-

Tag lists (message me if you want to be added):

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @oreogutz @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg @takeyourleap-of-faith (damn tumblr just let me tag them)

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey