#how does whole life insurance work

[louishawkins671]

The Mechanics of Security: Explaining How Whole Life Insurance Operates

Whole life insurance serves as a foundational component of many individuals' financial plans, offering a combination of lifelong protection and investment opportunities. Understanding the mechanics of how does whole life insurance work operates is crucial for informed decision-making when considering this type of policy. This article delves into the intricacies of whole life insurance, exploring its fundamental mechanics and shedding light on how it provides both security and financial benefits for policyholders.

Basic Structure of Whole Life Insurance

At its core, whole life insurance is a type of permanent life insurance that provides coverage for the entirety of the policyholder's life, as long as premiums are paid. Unlike term life insurance, which offers coverage for a specified period (e.g., 10, 20, or 30 years), whole life insurance remains in force until the death of the insured individual. This permanent nature of coverage provides policyholders with peace of mind, knowing that their loved ones will receive a death benefit payout whenever they pass away, regardless of age, as long as the policy is active.

Premium Payments and Death Benefit

Whole life insurance premiums are typically fixed and payable for the duration of the policyholder's life or until a specified age, depending on the chosen payment structure. These premiums are calculated based on various factors, including the insured individual's age, health status, gender, coverage amount, and underwriting criteria of the insurance company.

A portion of the premium payments goes towards funding the death benefit, which is the amount paid out to the policy's beneficiaries upon the death of the insured. The death benefit serves as financial protection for the policyholder's loved ones, providing them with a lump-sum payment that can be used to cover funeral expenses, outstanding debts, mortgage payments, education costs, or any other financial obligations.

Cash Value Accumulation

One distinctive feature of whole life insurance is its cash value component, which sets it apart from term life insurance. A portion of each premium payment is allocated towards building cash value within the policy. This cash value grows over time on a tax-deferred basis, meaning that policyholders do not pay taxes on the growth of their cash value as long as it remains within the policy.

The cash value accumulation follows a predetermined schedule outlined in the policy contract, typically based on guaranteed interest rates set by the insurance company. Policyholders can access the cash value of their whole life insurance policy through policy loans or withdrawals, providing them with a source of liquidity and potential supplemental income during their lifetime.

Policy Loans and Withdrawals

Policyholders have the option to borrow against the cash value of their whole life insurance policy through policy loans. These loans are typically available at a fixed or variable interest rate, with the cash value serving as collateral for the loan. Policy loans allow individuals to access funds for various purposes, such as paying for emergencies, funding education expenses, covering medical bills, or supplementing retirement income.

Alternatively, policyholders can make partial withdrawals from the cash value of their policy, reducing the death benefit and cash value accordingly. Withdrawals are generally tax-free up to the amount of premiums paid into the policy, as they are considered a return of principal rather than taxable income. However, withdrawals in excess of premiums paid may be subject to taxation and potential surrender charges imposed by the insurance company.

Dividends and Participating Policies

Some whole life insurance policies are classified as participating policies, meaning that policyholders are eligible to receive dividends from the insurance company's profits. These dividends are not guaranteed and are dependent on the company's financial performance and policyholder experience. Policyholders have several options for using dividends, including:

Cash Payments: Dividends can be received as cash payments, providing policyholders with additional income.

Premium Reduction: Dividends can be used to reduce premium payments, effectively lowering the out-of-pocket costs for maintaining the policy.

Paid-Up Additions: Dividends can be used to purchase paid-up additions, which are additional coverage amounts that increase both the death benefit and cash value of the policy.

The flexibility of dividend options allows policyholders to customize their whole life insurance policy based on their financial goals and preferences, enhancing the overall value and benefits of the coverage.

Guarantees and Non-Forfeiture Options

Whole life insurance policies typically come with certain guarantees to provide policyholders with added security and peace of mind. These guarantees may include:

Death Benefit Guarantee: The insurance company guarantees to pay the full death benefit to the policy's beneficiaries upon the death of the insured, provided that premiums are paid as required.

Cash Value Growth Guarantee: The insurance company guarantees a minimum rate of return on the cash value accumulation within the policy, ensuring that the cash value will grow over time regardless of market conditions.

Premium Payment Guarantee: Whole life insurance policies may offer guaranteed premium payments, ensuring that the premium amount remains fixed and predictable throughout the life of the policy.

In addition to guarantees, whole life insurance policies typically include non-forfeiture options that provide policyholders with alternatives in the event that they can no longer afford to pay premiums. Common non-forfeiture options include:

Cash Surrender Value: Policyholders have the option to surrender their policy in exchange for a cash surrender value, which is the cash value minus any applicable surrender charges imposed by the insurance company.

Extended Term Insurance: Policyholders can convert the cash value of their policy into extended term insurance coverage for a specified period without paying additional premiums.

Reduced Paid-Up Insurance: Policyholders can use the cash value to purchase a reduced paid-up insurance policy, which provides coverage for a reduced death benefit amount without any further premium payments.

These non-forfeiture options provide policyholders with flexibility and alternatives to maintain coverage or access the accumulated cash value of their policy in times of financial need.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the mechanics of whole life insurance encompass a combination of lifelong protection, cash value accumulation, and financial flexibility. By understanding how whole life insurance operates, individuals can make informed decisions when selecting and managing their policies. Whole life insurance offers a reliable and secure financial foundation, providing policyholders with lifelong coverage, cash value growth, and various options for accessing policy benefits. Whether as a tool for income replacement, wealth accumulation, or legacy planning, whole life insurance serves as a valuable asset in building and protecting financial security for oneself and future generations.

[naukrisambad]

How Does Life Insurance Work: A Comprehensive Guide

How Does Life Insurance Work: Life insurance stands as a cornerstone of financial planning, offering security and peace of mind to individuals and their families. But how exactly does life insurance work? In this comprehensive guide, we’ll delve deep into the mechanics of life insurance, exploring its purpose, types, processes, benefits, and much more. How Does Life Insurance Work Life…

[lilgynt]

oh my god my mom made fun of me when i couldn’t walk

and i had a broken foot

[triggeringtommy]

i’m spiraling mentally out of control and loosing what i feel i need. idk what 2 do or how 2 cope and i got told i have the day off meaning someone took my hours… i’m broke, tired, and hurting in every way. my heart feels stepped on.

[starkwlkr]

Can you make Charles x Reader where she is the daughter of an older driver, maybe Senna or Schumacher?? and decides to move to Monaco and ends up crashing his car in Charles' car in his first week in the city and it’s race week in Monaco, maybe some other driver in the car with Charles?

monaco does that to you | charles leclerc

sorry for the wait but here it is! (finally lol) also do germans say mom or mum? google never gives me an answer 🤨 i’m going to use mom so apologies if that isn’t the correct term to use because i grew up in texas and i always use mom 🫤

Y/n was on the phone with her sister, Gina. She had successfully moved to Monaco and decided to call Gina to tell her she was okay. The Schumacher siblings were always close so it was going to take some time for Y/n to get used to being away from her family.

“It’s so lovely here, Gina. Maybe you and mom can come in time for the Monaco Grand Prix. We could all be together. I know Mick would love that.” Y/n said as she grabbed her keys from the coffee table and exited her apartment. She had a few errands to run before she went to lunch with Mick.

“I’ll check with mom, make sure she’s free for the weekend.” Gina replied. Then she started to talk about some plans she had with a couple friends as Y/n walked to her car. Y/n listened to Gina as she opened her car door and turned her car on.

Y/n was so focused on listening to her sister that she didn’t switch the car from reverse to drive so when she pressed on the gas, the car went backwards hitting a very nice car as a result.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck, oh my god.” Y/n repeated as she turned the car off and looked back at the damaged car.

“Y/n? What’s happening?” Gina asked through the phone.

“I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Gina, I’ll call you back.” Y/n sighed heavily and ended the call. She put away her phone and got out of her car, ready to face the consequences.

She looked at the car and saw that it was a Ferrari. Why did she have to hit a Ferrari? Suddenly the doors of the Ferrari opened and out came a brown haired man.

Nice, you hit a hot man’s car, Y/n thought to herself.

“Are you okay?” He asked her.

“I just hit your car and you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

He nodded. “Are you?”

“Yeah, but I hit your car. An expensive one.”

“I can get it fixed, don’t worry.”

Oh, so he’s rich

“I’m really sorry. I can help pay for the damage.” Y/n said, but he shook his head. “Then give me your number for like the insurance and stuff. I’ll work it out.”

“How about I pay for the damages and dinner? I think that sounds pretty good. I’ll stick take your number too.” He said with a smirk.

“Is that what you say to all the girls?” Y/n teased.

“Only the ones that crash into my car.” He replied. “If you wanted my attention that bad, you could’ve just walked up to me.” He chuckled at her.

“Sure, whatever. It wasn’t on purpose! I was distracted and I didn’t drive my car here last night, my brother did. I think I was passed out in the back seat or something.” Y/n explained.

“Yeah, Monaco does that to you.”

“I don’t even know your name, I’m Y/n.” She finally introduced herself.

“Charles.Does dinner anytime this week sound good?” Charles asked.

“I’ll have to check. I have this thing with my brother on the weekend, it’s really important.”

“Maybe next week if you’re not busy?”

“Sure, Charles. If I’m not busy.” Y/n smiled.

After exchanging numbers, Charles and Y/n said goodbye to each other and went their separate ways. Y/n had gone back up to her apartment, too embarrassed to even go out now while Charles went back inside his car where Pierre had been waiting for him the whole time.

“What did she say?” Pierre asked.

“We are having dinner soon, that’s what she said.” Charles replied.

“You’re having dinner with Mick’s sister? I can already see the f1 gossip accounts going insane when they see you two! A Schumacher and . . . Charles. Don’t worry, it doesn’t sound too bad.” Pierre laughed.

“Mick’s sister? She was Mick’s sister?” Charles asked. Mick mentioned his two sisters often, but Charles never met them personally.

“Yeah, Mick said she’s moving to Monaco. I think she’s going to be in the paddock this weekend.”

Holy shit, it really is a small world, Charles thought

[larathia]

I'm a little surprised nobody else has commented on this, but - it's kind of interesting that Dazai and Fyodor were, actually, completely honest with each other during that 'therapy' moment.

Fyodor mentioned that his underlings wait for his instructions and have no initiative. We have, actually, observed that this is entirely true.

Dazai's solution for this was likewise honest - he was telling Fyodor what he does to get other people to do things. Namely, pretend to be a lazy jerk so that everyone else is forced to pick up the slack. (Translation: Don't give them orders. Stand back and let them do what they'd do anyway, and take advantage of that.)

Dazai mentioned the waitress in the cafe he always flirts with, who responds to his flirtations with 'seriously, get a really good life insurance policy and I'll think about it'. He is asking an honest if tangential question.

Fyodor's solution is equally honest - the whole 'ruin her family and make her so desperate she has no choice but to turn to you' plot is in fact how we've seen Fyodor force people to do what he wants. He railroads them, driving their situations to get the ending he desires.

Just...think about this. They both asked honest questions, and both gave honest answers. Then apply this to the wider plot.

Fyodor basically said, "I have already set up this entire situation so that your people have no choice but to be destroyed."

Dazai's answer was, "I know my people and know they'll be able to survive without me while I deal with you".

And even so, both of them still tweak events from their cells - but Dazai's methodology works better at a distance than Fyodor's does. Because he does need to be able to give instructions; his underlings aren't the type to be able to fill in the blanks without him.

[angryschnauzer]

January 11th 2024

Yeah its been a while since i updated. I haven't had the energy to if i'm honest, but here we go.

Hubby had his brain surgery end of November '23. The tumour they took out was a nasty one, somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a kiwi fruit. The wound has healed well with little to no side affects apart from some double vision, but he was checked out for that and it is a common after affect of brain trauma and was remedied with an eyepatch for a few weeks.

We met with the Neuro Oncology team at Royal Marsden Hospital in London. They are one of the best (if not the best) cancer treatment centres in the whole country, and we worked through a treatment plan.

Just before Christmas hubby was also cleared to have shoulder reconstructive surgery (he broke his shoulder bone in the original seizures back at the end of October '23). There was a really small window of time between it being enough time after the brain surgery that he could go back under general anaesthetic, but also enough time to mostly heal before he started Radiotherapy and Chemo, so just 5 days before Christmas hubby was in and out of our local hospital in a single day to have that surgery.

Christmas was a quiet and subdued affair. I also herniated a disk in my back the day Hubby had surgery (i was clearing the deep freeze out ready for grocery delivery), so it meant both he and I were dosed up to our eyeballs on strong painkillers for most of the holiday, and Little Dude spent the majority of the break either playing video games or building his new lego sets.

Two days before Christmas i also had to have emergency dental work (i had been grinding my teeth and had previously cracked a tooth) and whilst i was in the dentists office some utter idiot crashed into my car. That was the last thing i needed but i simply handed it all over to my insurance company (who are aware of my husbands situation) and they arranged a hire vehicle and sorted repairs.

Onto the start of 2024. This is the first week of Radiotherapy and Chemo for Hubby. He is getting very tired and fatigued already from the Radiotherapy, but thankfully no nausea from the chemo as yet, but that could change over time. He is scheduled for a full schedule of 6 weeks of this dual treatment, where we are having to visit Royal Marsden every day Mon - Fri for the six weeks, and then he also takes the chemo 7 days a week for the six weeks.

He'll then have 4 to 6 weeks 'off' treatment for his body to relax and recuperate, but will have scans and MRI's during that time to gauge what further treatment will be, but its likely to be just chemo but a stronger dose, but no radiotherapy. The chemo is to be 3 weeks off one week on, so a 4 weekly cycle.

The one thing we have discovered isn't done is prognosis's. When we first got to Royal Marsden we were shocked as they started talking about years, and explained that although it was a really nasty tumour, it was found very early and whilst it was still relatively small for its kind. They've discussed things like 'this years treatment plan then we'll look at next years', and also for a while Hubby was being considered for a clinical trial which candidates who have prognosis's of 12 months+ are only considered for. In the end he didn't meet the criteria (his cholesterol was too high). The Macmillian Nurses also have been talking to us about Mobility Car assistance schemes where you can get govt assistance financially and get an adapted vehicle on a 2 year rolling lease. All these timings are reassuring in one way, but worrying in another - we have no idea what the future holds and it really does cement in stone that our time is limited and could end any moment, and makes it very difficult to make any long term plans. You don't realise how much of your life is preplanned until you end up in this situation and aren't sure if you can book your kid onto the school residential trip in 5 months time.

Should anyone want the mundane daily day-to-day life updates you can follow me on my personal instagram @simone_with_an_e its generally a load of utter boring bollocks, but i try to keep it updated daily with updates when i can as its a lot easier to do 1 short paragraph than a big update.

For me my mental health is a little better now that i've had time to process Hubby's diagnosis and that he is getting treatment. There are still days or hours when i fall apart, and it could be something as simple as listening to a song on the radio as i drive back from dropping Little Dude at school and i realise the song would be lovely at his funeral. I end up having to pull over and have a cry whilst switching the radio off. I'm loosing weight and aging quickly, my hair is turning grey from stress and i realised i've aged about 15 years in the last 3 from stress. My appetite comes and goes, and things like red meat now turn my stomach and i can't digest it. But i also haven't drunk alcohol since the day before Hubby had his seizure back in October. I feel like i need to stay 'alert' in case i need to rush him to the hospital for something. I don't miss it as such, but I miss the ability to fully relax. Its hard to describe but i feel like at the moment i've lost myself and am just functioning to care for those around me, going through the motions as such.

Anyway, this has been a long update. I do still lurk here, you may see me pop up in notifications liking something, but at the moment i don't feel its right to start putting fandom stuff back on here yet. I do hope to get back to writing at some point. I miss it and the unfinished stories plague my mind as i have such lovely plans for story arc's and really want to finish them.

Take care all,

Schnauz

xxx

[desos-records]

alright let’s talk about Lockwood & Co vs Adults

(mostly about the show, I started the books before the show came out and I’m not done, be nice)

Lockwood tries so very hard to act older than he is and he essentially Had To after losing his family. We aren’t told the specifics, but he doesn’t seem to have any adults in his life. Or many people in it period. George has only known him for a year, Flo used to live with him but hasn’t for at least a year if not more, and Kipps is. well. Kipps.

But other than that he seems to have been alone: he’s the one who takes care of the business and the finances, finding new clients and recruiting new agents (he has a mortgage and insurance and he can’t even drive yet). It fits with the overarching theme of the older generation not just failing the newer one, but exploiting it too. Lockwood was abandoned by the generation that was supposed to take care of him (on purpose or not)--just like all the kids of his generation, George and Lucy included.

It’s a little simpler when it comes to George and Lucy. They both left their families by choice; they chose to be the mature ones, to do what they had to so they could feel safe and at home. George left parents who loved him, but didn’t understand him. Lucy left a physically abusive mother who exploited her for money. They’re both mature in very concrete, measurable ways that are natural extensions of their characters. George cleans and cooks and handles research. Lucy is emotionally mature, holding both boys (and people in general) accountable for their actions and making her able to pick out incredible nuances in emotion (of both the living and the dead).

But Lockwood’s maturity feels a little more like play-acting than the others. Partly, I think, because he didn’t get a choice. He’s been functionally an independent adult for god knows how long. He dresses in suits and is entirely too formal (in the books it takes forever for him to stop calling Lucy ‘Miss Carlyle’). But you can tell that it is definitely an act. His tie and trousers are too short, his coat is too big, and, god bless him, he wears the most beat up pair of sneakers I’ve ever seen.

His interactions with actual adults become a flashpoint. It’s most obvious in his interactions with adult men (partly just because most of the adults in the show are men), who he is trying so hard to look and act like. But in every case, they call him out on it and he’s reminded how young he is and almost always in a way that hurts.

The most obvious are Fairfax, Winkman, and what’s-his-face with the gold sword and guyliner, who are trying to kill him. In all cases, Lockwood can’t physically overpower them (Fairfax and Guyliner have guns, Winkman has an electric chair) and his words don’t mean anything to them. And Guyliner is even more dangerous because he knows his parents, knows something about the story behind Lockwood’s armor.

But what’s more interesting are the adults who aren’t trying to kill him.

Barnes picks apart the arguments Lockwood throws up in defense of himself and his agency, not with posturing, but with genuine (although rather harsh) concerns for their safety. For Lockwood, Barnes is a Captain Hook figure, but Barnes acts more like a disgruntled school principal than anything else. He’s working to protect a whole city full of kids that are, by necessity, thrown into harm’s way. And you can see it when Lockwood says that Barnes doesn’t like them much and it throws him off-guard.

The DEPRAC agent at the auction tells them to leave not just because he thinks they can’t handle it, but because they shouldn’t have to

Jesus, you’re children

Yes, he’s aggressive and antagonistic about it, which only makes Lockwood bristle more. Lockwood steps towards him trying to act with authority, even threatening, but all the agent does to break his armor is grab him hard by the shoulder and push him back. But despite that, he is trying to protect them. And he dies to protect them. It is the only instance of someone truly seeing them for what they are: kids. Not agents or weapons or meal tickets.

But it’s jarring. Lockwood can’t process any of that and that’s not his fault. In the world we’ve seen so far, Barnes and the DEPRAC agent are an anomaly. Most other adults don’t care whether they live or die (so long as they’re useful). Lockwood has every reason to believe that every adult is an obstacle at best and a threat at worst.

And it’s painful. All of it. And a little too close to home, this story of children only valued when they’re useful.

[ghostkingdoesstuff]

A friendly reminder I am not to be held accountable for the things I'm about to say. Percy Jackson Season 1 FINALLY (SPOILERS BUT THAT'S THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS)

The visceral noise I made eating popcorn as Luke said "look you didn't ask to be a half-blood" caused an earthquake in Alaska, I'm sorry I was facing northwest.

"Riposte" I'm sorry, no I'm sorry no-

Also, the background of the sword fighting scene was very pretty.

Poseidon showing up for his son!!! Letts gooooooo! THE WEIGHT OF THE OCEAN UPON YEE!!!

Right in the heel, it's gotta hurt!

Percy asked his uncle to please return his mom, wholesome family gold.

"He'll kill you." "I done to stop running from monsters." "You're gonna need all the luck you can get." The show gets why these two work. Friends before anything else.

Glory as a theme is something that I like that the show highlights more. But Grover is right. at least send an insurance email or something. A quick "on my way, please don't kill anyone"

Dropping the master bolt on some poor dudes desk, legendary.

Olympus is so fucking beutiful omg

I'm gonna cry if Luke and Percy are in the same scene as each other in this episode again. ILL DO IT! THAT'S A THREAT!

The dead silence, I'm shitting omg... yes I know what happens and?

Followed by "I didn't steal it! Neither did any of my friends" IM GONNA CRY! IM GONNA DO IT

The pin strip suit, the sky blue paisley tie, the presence, the voice, THE KING OF THE GODS PEOPLE

Lotta talk for someone so small and scary

POISIDEN GETTING BETWEEN HIS SON AND HIS BROTHER I'M GONNA THROW UP

POSIDEN AND ZEUS SPEAKING GREEK I'M GONNA PISS

THE SEA DOES NOT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED (🎶BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE REAL WORLD!!!🎶)

SALLY JACKSON TEACHING PERCY GREEK I'M GONNA-

"Of course we dream. why do you ask?" "Do you ever dream about mom?" ;-;

Thalia looking strudy as ever.

"Ready?" NO FUCK YOU NO

Another reminder I am not to held liable for anything I might say, you need only see how many times I've listened to "Last day of Summer" from The musical to understand how much I've thought of this moment in fictional time.

Confirmation that Luke was indeed what mattered most in the end? I'm gonna make myself cry shit-

Honestly, this Percy might be too smart for his own good. Bro's never gonna live this heartbreak down.

"You...I'm here to recruit." I- fucking- AHHHH

"OUR WAY OUT" RICK YOU BASTARD I HOPE YOU ROT IN ASPHODEL

"Stop saying "we"!" "It’s the word Zeus fears the most."

AND SHE HEARD EVERYTHING! Wasn't she supposed to be watching Clarrise? He'll, if Percy could figure it out, I'm sure Annabeth would. It's worth it to see that LOOK on Luke's face. I'm sorry. Feel the weight of your actions, man.

Miss my old friend the pit scorpion but I also like my new friend "the first scars we gave eachother"

He knows Luke won't hurt him physically, but the psychic damage hurts more and has lasting status de buffs.

"Just be a kid" that's it

"I'll find you" that's it

Promising to meet again next summer...Percy just you wait.

THE FAKE OUT OF A LIFETIME

"Grandpa" "don't call him that"

They are the ultimate mother son duo

BLUE PANCAKES!

Kinda hate that Sally didn't intentionally do a murder, or at least she has a lot more possible deniability now, but I hope she still makes a sweet sale on that sculpture!

And that's it! Fuck it's over what to do now... RE READING THE LIGHTING THEIF LIFE BLOG COMING SOON! As well I'll probably drop a summary of my thoughts on the whole season at some point soon! Happy Finally, y'all! Can't wait to see the discorse!

[bcolfanfic]

young vets au brain dump - croz being complicated version

(disclaimer: i love croz. me making him a complicated little shit in this au should not be interpreted as character bashing. i find his journey over the course of mota fascinating and figuring out how to translate that to a different setting/different war has been a fun thought experiment for me. pls don’t jump me. messy characters make the world go round!)

him and jean met in high school. sweet babies.

then they *had* a baby a lot sooner than they were really expecting. both of em out of high school, but barley.

they love each other and do everything right but shit is hard and the military preys on people trying to make ends meet

so, well- 1+1=s 2 off to basic he goes.

ends up in afghanistan around the same time bucky and gale and all the other guys start rolling in there.

also ends up there with his bff from basic training, tech school and everything else. bubbles <3

the two of them end up bunking with demarco and douglas which is quite the right brain/left brain dynamic lol.

croz and bubbles' side of the room is snowglobes and kid pictures and demarco and douglas' side is women from magazines taped on the wall god love em.

gets along decently well with everyone but.

then bubbles dies and that's when everything really starts to go to shit.

i wrote a little about his initial fight with bucky about the IED that killed bubbles here.

they don't really make up from that.

for a long while.

croz is in a spiral about losing his best friend, bucky is starting to not do so well with the preindictment they're all in himself and they just. really set each other off.

kinda freaks everyone out bc they remember sweet baby face croz who puked a lot but now he's just different. damn war.

it gets to a point where him and bucky can't be in the same room without popping off at each other. and everyone else is having to micromanage them on top of having to do their actual jobs in war zone. (70% of the time its brady having to keep bucky away if not gale. croz's "insurance" buddies are rosie and douglas)

does end up getting involved with a girl in another unit

douglas and demarco clock it before anyone else bc he starts coming to bed at weird hours and they see him around this girl and just knowww.

pisses demarco off esp bc he had a whole Thing with finding out his girl back home cheated on him.

one night demarco decides to wait up for him to get back from wherever the fuck it is he goes with her at night and just about fucking jumps him and douglas has to pull him off (after he gets a good whack in)

it was a *loud* commotion of a fight lmfao bucky could hear it from their room and wanted to go see what was going on but gale was like noooppeee. no y' don't.

croz ends up telling jean everything. she forgives him. ("women! eliza could leave alex now for cheating on her. or not. as she wished." - vanessa nadal on eliza hamilton)

him and bucky make up during the pull out from afghanistan bc bucky just about saves his life in the chaos.

poor croz just breaks down crying/panicking about how he wants to go home. and bucky doesn't see that little shit that he's grown resentful towards, he sees that nervous pukey kid from when they first met

buttt...post war things get a little dicey again.

bc he stays in.

bagram sucked the war sucked but. he still has a family to provide for, he's not totally on the outs with the forces so he ultimately decides leaving would be more work than it's worth.

gets deployed to raf mildenhall base in england and gets to move with his wife and kiddos to england so. not a bad deal.

but there are. feelings. amongst the others about him staying in.

especially curt- who is the most "fuck all of that and the government too". getting his leg blown off fucked him up 7 ways to sunday and just completely shaped his view on it all.

the two of them get reallllly into it once when all the guys are together and it gets. ugly.

curt says a whole lot of shit about how he doesn't know how he can look at his kids knowing what they saw happen to kids overseas, what /they/ endorsed by being there. croz says its none of his business- he had his reasons for staying in, curt says name one that isn't selfish and it just. escalates. till they're both yelling and mean. croz eventually says something dumb on impulse about how he won't apologize for not letting the war radicalize him against his country and curt has to be yanked back from decking him lmfao. just another night!

if the others weren't all friends with both of em him and curt would not fuck with each other at allllll but. they love their friends more than they dislike each other so they smile and grind their teeth and *try*.

the whole thing with bucky's drinking issues brings them together because they're on the same page about that at least.

have a longgg talk when all that is going on. and it makes curt's chest hurt bc man he really has his issues with this kid but. he knows he's doing what he genuinely believes he has to, knows he only enlisted to begin with bc he felt like it was the only way he could provide for his family.

knows that all the issues he has with the guy the fuckin military is to blame for just as much if not more than croz is himself.

a more lighthearted side bar: bucky ribs him about staying in a little too- is just more lighthearted on it bc they have become more friendly since they left bagram (and get to being even better friends once they bucks have josie).

one night they're talkin when croz complains he can't do what he wants with his facial hair because of regs and bucky is like wellllll if you gotta the fuck outta there you could grow a handlebar mustache. don't let your dreams be dreams kid!

[valiantverses]

The Azrael Series: Chapter Two

(Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Reader Slowburn/Sort of Enemies to Friends to Lovers)

°°°°°

Summary: Task Force 141 is assigned a new member to deal with Makarov for good. Highly-skilled, brutally efficient and devastatingly competent, Ghost has met his match - and finds himself at odds with the SAS Fraternization Regulations as getting to know you makes him re-evaluate a life he never thought to allow himself.

CW: Canon-typical violence.

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@beansproutmafia @chinuneko @agustdpeach @murder-hobo

Introduction 1 2

"We've not gotten much out of the drive m' afraid. We've got cyber forensics and analysts going over the files - far as Makarov's movements, we've got nothin' of note."

The briefing room's atmosphere was a degree short of despair. Papers strewn about, stale cups of coffee and tea haphazardly pushed to the side as Laswell's Toughbook blinked to life, showing the results of the hard won drive the 141 had retrieved a couple of days prior.

Ghost had opted to stand during the meeting, taking up his usual spot with a full view of the room. Most of the team had elected to sit around the metal tables, the briefing now on its third hour - not quite as brief as one would hope, he thought.

He watched Gaz lean back into a stretch, arms opening wide and settling at the back of your chair. You glanced up at the sergeant briefly before turning back to the neatly stacked piles of documents in front of you, poring over the mind-numbing reports and occasionally making notes.

Your integration into the group - Johnny and Gaz, anyway - had not been seamless from his observations, but the sergeants had been as open as could reasonably be expected from their personalities, and you seemed to be reciprocating - or trying to, anyway.

"Ach - not even in the emails? Employee profiles?"

Johnny piped up, unable to hide the annoyance that darkened his features. Ghost had noticed the Scot had been mellower in recent months. Maybe even years - ever since Zakhaev, at least - the burden of their profession was a continuous wear and tear on the mind and soul for those who hadn't locked away parts of themselves like he had. Like his boots, gloves, tactical vests, the work pushed and pulled at soldiers, clawing and scratching till it had to be replaced, patched up, or discarded.

Conveniently, Ghost mused, replaced, patched up, or discarded were the same three fates most soldiers stumbled into.

Johnny knew what this job meant, had experienced it firsthand, and still continued to shoulder the responsibilities. Ghost was intimately familiar with the drive to push through and respected that need - even if it meant watching a part of his comrade wither away.

Laswell sighed, rubbing her temples as she looked up from her computer to meet Johnny's eyes.

"All legitimate, tracing back to businesses or third party contractors."

"All fer nothin' then, was it?"

Price, who had opted to stand as well with his arms crossed, chose this moment to speak up.

"It's hard to imagine the ultranationalists just went and gave up after Zakhaev's death."

At this, Soap leaned back a bit, shifting his whole attention on to price. Ghost remembered reading the reports, how shattered Soap had been over Zakhaev when he got back from S.A.S. recon in Mexico.

"We know Makarov is well trained in counterinsurgency from his time in Airborne and the Spetznaz, but there must be a link somewhere - you don't move weapons and people on the scale he does without having some kind of paper trail."

You chose this moment to speak up, hand still carefully taking down notes as you pored over the files in front of you.

"You mentioned contractors. May we have a list?"

Laswell glanced up at surprise at you before switching to a different tab. It was true that you hadn't been particularly vocal in your time at the base, keeping your distance from most of the upper brass.

"Gutter cleaners, vehicle upkeep, insurance inspections, air conditioning installation, occupational health and safety reviews, catering-"

He watched you smile, that was that same wry smirk, the same twist of the lips that pulled at your face and made your eyes quirk in such a way that-

He jerked his head to the side, keeping his eyes trained on Laswell's computer.

"Couldn't imagine air conditioning would be on my list of priorities, in a winter desert."

Wordlessly, Laswell pulled her laptop closer to her, instantly beginning to pore over the emails sent by the air conditioning company. Price and Johnny shared a look when Laswell made a hum of approval.

"Seems this company uses a really simple order form template, copy and pasted- not really something you'd expect of a company taking orders at this volume."

Gaz reached over, leaning over the table to point at the screen.

"Subject: Notice of equipment upgrade. In our ongoing efforts to enhance the performance of our air-conditioning units, Our technicians will be overseeing the delivery and installation of a package containing the latest components aimed at optimizing energy efficiency. Your cooperation during this upgrade process is greatly appreciated."

He whistled, leaning back in his chair. "They've 'upgraded' their air-conditioning 11 times in the past 4 months.'

You didn't even acknowledge the discovery, still buried in the files. It strangely grated at him, this nonchalance of yours- but surely it was better than the callous sort of arrogance many soldiers at your level possessed? He respected good soldiers, especially those fighting alongside him. But you... there was something different about you.

He was aware of the glaring hypocrisy, to question someone's integrity because of the walls they put up when he himself wore a mask to distance himself from who he was outside of the battlefield.

But you wore a different kind of mask.

He had noticed, during brief moments where your professionalism didn't so much crack as it distended- like a rubber band warping after being pulled apart too strong. There was a smouldering fire beneath the glacial shell of duty you wore. It flickered sometimes, a molten glint in your eyes or a wry quirk of your lips, hinting at a real live breathing person within.

That ferocity had sparked your first clash in the mountains, tangled limbs and shared breaths in thin air, his gaze tracing the map of your face as he tried to determine your motives, whether or not he could trust you. Then there was the hangar, your quiet confidence grating against his need for control. An unlikely pair, yet you'd executed the mission flawlessly. Rolled with the punches and gotten through it all.

Though his face betrayed nothing, his mind buzzed with thoughts as he went over your latest interactions - outrage at your audacity, annoyance at your nonchalance, and a strange reluctance to let go of the distruption you caused, one he wouldn't- couldn't, try to understand the root of.

Beyond it all, he had to admit, was a begrudging sort of respect.

"8 payments have been made this quarter alone to the HVAC company - all worth tens of thousands."

"Drip feedin' Makarov's extra curriculars I take it- any ID on the company behind it Laswell?"

"Northwest of the Caucausus mountains. I'll clear it through Shepherd."

He saw your lips quirk down into a frown at Laswell's words, clearly unhappy about something. He tore his eyes away, accidentally locking gazes with Price, who tossed a raised his eyebrow his way. He maintained eye contact, unwilling to look away first and crossing his arms when Price shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

"We should-" it was the first time he'd ever heard you sound even the tiniest bit hesitant. "We should look into Makarov's known contacts. See who's benefitting from his actions that may be flying under the radar. All of them, even known hostile connections."

There was an implication to your words that Ghost didn't like, and he voiced it.

"Looks like we're already drownin' in information and more questions than answers. Want to send us on a wild goose chase when we don't even know if there's a goose to chase, do ya?"

He could see your jaw tense the tiniest bit as you turned to him, eyes hard.

"All I'm saying is that - paramilitary operations do not function in a vacuum, sir. Terrorist attacks require weapons, and those weapons require logistics to distribute, processing, manufacturing - everything does. The fact that we've run into nothing might suggest we're being walled off from information by design."

There was it- that spark, like flint and steel crashing together. He approached the table, placing both hands on it as he lowered himself to look at you directly in the eyes. When he spoke, his voice was rough, taking on a gravelly quality.

"We've been working on this for years and you've been here a month- if you could focus on your job instead of speculating on facts that aren't there maybe you could actually get the job you were assigned to do done, sergeant."

"Yes, sir." You gritted out, lips thinning. He could see in the tenseness of your shoulders that had he not been your superior this discussion would have been more drawn out.

But your words were beyond inflammatory - they were dangerous and put into question the very foundation of the chain of command that the operation was centered on. You would have to learn that these were thoughts best kept to yourself - it was clear to him that you lacked experience and maybe even the humility that came from working with teammates.

Relaxing his shoulders, he turned to regard the group, realizing that several pairs of eyes were now glancing between you and him with varying levels of confusion and surprise. Laswell, closing her laptop with a neat click, spoke first.

"I think we got it. This corporation has two locations- we'll do some recon and get a plan going, try and positively ID any key people. Great catch, Azrael. I sense this is something big."

You shifted the tiniest bit, simply nodding in response. He hadn't seen you handle direct compliments very well - the military did acknowledgements at most.

You remained quiet for the rest if the briefing and the dismissal after, studiously going over old files, not meeting his eyes again.

"LT! I think we need ourselves a little celebration to welcome our little Sherlock here, aye?"

You mumbled a bit, shuffling as the Scotsman draped an arm over you and patted your arm.

"Just identified an anomaly in the information- is all-"

"None of that now, gawn yerself! We got an ol' teammate comin' with us, Roach, I reckon you'll like 'im."

"I think it would really help your case if you could speak English, McTavish." Ghost remarked, dryly. He had been ready to leave and stretch his legs after leaning up against cold concrete for closing in on 4 hours.

"Alright- not sure about drinking, with the mission coming up soon, but I'll go."

"Ach pure brilliant, so it is. Gaz! You're drivin'! No fun juice for you m'fraid."

There was a groan from inside the communal area, then a smattering of mutters of which if Ghost were a betting man, he'd say could give any sailor a run for their money.

"What d'ya say LT?" He turned back to two sets of eyes, yours a strained sort of amusement, before he leaned back and rested his hands on the straps of his vest.

"Fuckin' hell. You're buyin', Johnny."

There was outraged sputtering, so Scottish it was indecipherable, before he turned to leave. His eyes locked with yours for a split second, assessing. Then he broke connection and made his way back to his barracks, his mind lingering.

He wondered what you were like away from it all.

Away from Azrael.

You seemed like more of a person than he allowed himself to be - but that remained to be seen.

Tonight, the echoes of questions would be drowned at the bottom of a bottle.

°°°°°

Translation for the Soapese:

Gawn yerself: Go on yourself (You're doing really good)

[naukrisambad]

Life Insurance Policies and Quotes for 2024

Life Insurance Policies and Quotes: Life insurance is a critical financial tool that provides peace of mind and financial security for individuals and their families. As we navigate through 2024, it’s important to understand the various life insurance policies and quotes available to ensure you have the right coverage for your needs. In this guide, we will explore the different types of life…

[bestworstcase]

Any Summer Maiden ideas?

Not their identity per se, but rather their role or thematic undertones you think they might have in future volume/s? And how they might contrast to the other Maidens?

Or even the Maidens as a whole, especially as we slowly inch closer and closer to having a 'full set'?

i stand by the gillian theory and my general thoughts on what the maidens are for, thematically. if she isn’t gill, i think she’s definitely starr (& as outlined in the gillian theory post, between gill’s semblance and the ATMs i think the summer maiden might get hot potatoed without character deaths—in the form of gill temporarily stealing the magic by draining the real maiden’s aura with her semblance, or if gill is the maiden, the ATMs being used to permanently transfer half her aura to jax and that causing the maiden power to part from her and go to someone else, probably starr).

there’s also the ‘lessons’ and the divine quality associated with each maiden:

winter + creation + “learn to center yourself and think reflectively to gain awareness of who you are and what you can contribute to the world”

the medical neglect fria is subjected to as an woman with dementia deprives her of this ability, until penny treats her with compassion and dignity, which affords her a moment of clarity and agency in whom she chooses to be her heir;

likewise, penny is subjected to extreme dehumanization even by the standards of the atlesian military and the central conceit of her character arc is her struggle to assert her personhood; becoming the maiden intensifies this struggle and, like fria, she’s unable to escape it in the end;

so the winter maiden passes to winter, who embodied the lesson all along: “emotions can grant you strength, but you must never let them overpower you” + “we must still acknowledge our feelings, wrestle with them. it insures us that we’re on the right path. it’s what makes us human.”

the winter maiden arc is about the act of self-creation—how do we make ourselves human? how do we define ourselves? what does it mean to be a person? to become real?

spring + knowledge + “hard work can be its own reward” and “try to nurture the life around you and remember to ‘stop and smell the roses.’”

the last spring maiden, we’re told, found the burden to great and ran away. raven says that she “never learned,” no matter how much training raven put her through.

vernal, the false maiden, is presented as someone with incredible dedication to her tribe who has trained hard with the magic she was given. (and this is not entirely false: vernal is devoted to the tribe, and she has clearly worked hard to hone her skill.)

raven, the real maiden, “needed to know more” and went looking for the truth on her own; she tells weiss and yang “so far you’ve done nothing but accept what others tell you, but you need to question everything” and that “the truth is hard to come by.”

the spring maiden arc is about the effort it takes to uncover the truth, but also the effort it takes to conceal it, and the connecting thread between all three ‘maidens’ (real or not) is this idea of training-as-duty; something both of the real maidens are said to have ‘abandoned’ whereas the false maiden did not.

crucially, this arc is not over and won’t be over until we know what really happened to the last spring maiden, but the set up is toward an interrogation and rejection of this ‘training-as-duty’ conceit: hard work is its own reward, but it’s important to stop and smell the roses; ie, training and dedication to a cause is its own reward, but only if the cause itself is worthy. the last spring maiden was a child given too great a burden, raven left because she found that she had been deceived.

fall + choice + “be thankful for what you have and show your gratitude.”

amber is traveling alone when she’s attacked, with qrow tailing her at too great a distance to intervene; it’s unclear whether she was part of the inner circle herself. after the power is divided, they keep her on life support inside the ATM in anticipation of finding a new vessel for the magic still attached to her soul. no apparent attempt to get her actual medical care.

pyrrha is asked to become their sacrificial vessel for amber’s soul, for the sake of keeping the remaining part of the magic from recombining with its other half in cinder. she’s torn between feeling like this is an obstacle preventing her from fulfilling her destiny and fear that this is how she must fulfill her destiny, at the cost of who she is.

cinder—who had nothing—sees the maidens like this: “you think that hoarding power means you’ll have it forever, but that just makes the rest of us hungrier! …and i refuse to starve.” she’s the only maiden in the story who actively wanted to become a maiden and her chief role in the spring and winter arcs has been forcing the other maidens out of the vault-keys paradigm, through opening the vault (spring) or interfering with a machine transfer (winter).

the fall maiden arc is about freeing the maidens so that they can choose themselves; ozpin and his inner circle objectify the maidens and seek to possess and control them. the maidens are disposable, replaceable as long as the other side doesn’t get them. cinder represents the inversion of the fairytale moral, as someone who was deprived and subjugated for her whole life; “be grateful for what you have” becomes the wrathful “it just makes the rest of us hungrier.”

this arc is not over either; what remains is for cinder to let go of her desire for the other maidens and find a way to fulfill what she actually wants, which is freedom and safety. but because the fall maiden arc is so intertwined with the others—cinder as the violent liberator wrenching the other maidens out of this system—her presence in vale with salem has implications for how the summer maiden arc might unfold.

so.

summer + destruction + “don’t view the world at a distance, take an active part in it.”

as i discussed here, i’m skeptical that the mystery girl in B1 is the summer maiden. but if she is, or if she’s a presumptive heir, the secrecy surrounding her and the fact that she isn’t publicly known or acting in the open like winter and raven are would suggest that the inner circle hasn’t shifted its thinking whatsoever on the maidens: winter and raven are free because their vaults are open and salem has their relics, but the summer maiden must be kept hidden to safeguard her vault.

on the other hand, if mystery girl is a spy (emerald), then the summer maiden’s absence could suggest either that she is in hiding or that she is someone outside of the inner circle’s control.

because cinder isn’t in vacuo, i think the latter option is more likely—which is one reason i think it’s probably gillian first and starr becoming the maiden during the vacuo arc. if the summer maiden is already someone outside of, and antagonistic to, the inner circle, then there is no narrative need for cinder to be involved in the summer maiden arc; the summer maiden is already free.

(this would also allow for an interesting inversion of the last two arcs and mirroring with the second beacon arc, in that if gillian is the summer maiden, the crown will be gunning for the sword of destruction, and the conflict is not “how do we keep the key out of salem’s hands” but “how can we prevent an enemy maiden from taking the relic.”)

similarly, if the maiden is starr, then the crown is likely to be gunning for her and between the twins’ semblances and tyrian they certainly have the means to do it if they find her.

the other thing to consider with regard to the summer maiden is the history vacuo has with the sword, and how that intersects with the summer maiden’s theme of taking an active part in the world: eighty years ago, ozma used that sword to end a war and enact dramatic world-wide changes, and then he sealed it away with the presumable intent that it would never be used again. this is antithetical to the thematic purpose of the summer maiden and of destruction conceptually; the summer maiden must act, and destruction is a force which drives constant change.

if the summer maiden is part of the inner circle and on board with keeping the sword locked away at the top of the vacuo arc, i think it’s very likely that she will die, and the power will go to a character who wants to open the vault and use it to protect vacuo. whether that is gillian or starr or both at different points in the narrative, it makes sense to me for the summer maiden to be someone who decides that the sword must be used, for better or worse.

if gillian is the summer maiden, i think her determination to use the sword for vacuo’s sake in combination with her love for her brother might end up being the common ground between the crown and the coalition: they agree to help her heal her brother via partial aura transfer, she agrees to relinquish the maiden power, and everyone comes together to mount a counteroffensive using the sword of destruction. or the summer maiden power might end up divided between multiple people, with gillian keeping half and the half attached to the aura transferred to jax seeking a new host.

generally, i think it’s more likely than not that the summer maiden will break the existing pattern of [vulnerable dead/dying maiden] -> [“false” or “illegitimate” maiden] -> [freed maiden] and in that case the expectation that the initial summer maiden will die might be subverted completely. there is also something compelling about the summer maiden choosing to ‘destroy’ her power by dividing it, in a mirror image of the fall maiden arc.

although that being said i don’t think the maiden cycle itself will be ended, just freed from the artificial system of control imposed by the vaults and the oz conspiracy.

[decolonize-the-left]

I am in the process of getting a new doctor. And by that I mean my insurance dropped my first one roughly a year ago so I made an appointment with my new primary who was also dropped before a second appointment. Then I had a new one but I then I accidentally double booked my kids therapy for the same day and didn't realize til we were already at her appointment so I rescheduled a new one.

These are 3-6 months apart btw. That's what the wait-list for a primary is like here for me.

Anyway so I have a new appointment in September and this whole time I haven't been working ofc cuz im in pain 24/7 and even when I had a job I'd be sent home cuz I'd just start sobbing in the break rooms or I'd be late cuz I had anxiety and didn't want to go, etc (long list, tldr: I'd be a bad employee if literally nothing else). Besides that I've never gotten passed the interview stage when I was looking for a job here.

So yeah. September is when I see my new doctor who probably won't open my file until I'm in his office.

Remember that.

I go to an appointment about my cash benefits a few days ago, now right? I've talked to these people on the phone, they know what's up with my situation. They said they'd waive the obligations for me, nbd. And every now and then you gotta renew them too, just making sure youre still poor, haven't moved, etc. So I go in think it's a formality thing and they just wanna make sure nothing changed.

Nope. Nobody took notes or filed anything so it just looks like I have been blowing off obligations I had for 6 months :)

All this to say fuck them for giving me 30 days to see a new doctor that I literally I can not see until September when it's literally out of my power to make it happen faster. And I'll be lucky if this new person is willing to sign off on a brand new patients disability forms too.

After 30 days thats half of our money they take until I get those forms signed.

This is life for those of us who are queer, poor, & disabled parents of color.

Lots of people have lots of stigmas about me. And that's creates certain beliefs around me, most often that it can't be that bad or that I'm even making up how bad it is.

I'm telling y'all it's that bad. When my benefits get cut it won't be because I wasn't trying, I already have an appointment.

I can't work. My gf's paychecks are getting garnished (this means debtors are taking money btw). We're both deeply mentally ill even if we can't prove our physical disabilities.

When I tell y'all that these benefits and your help is the only reason we eat after they run out, believe me.

This blog is my lifeline and it's just hits different after the last few days to open my asks and see some dipshit saying more classist shit to me even on tumblr

And I know that someone like me does not have a safe space. Never did. Probably never will. But this blog is my lifeline so can y'all just....not?

Can you just leave me alone instead of projecting your awful beliefs about everything I am into my asks, please?

You don't know me. Quit pretending you do to justify all the hatred you have.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I’m neither republican or democrat but I hold views of both sides to some extent. That being said, I think democrats needs to stop being so eager to let any and everyone in this country. America first. I am pro choice and for higher wages and better parental leave. But as a republican, what do you think can be done to have more affordable housing and better healthcare such as more affordable insurance?

Get the government out of the economy.

Obviously these are complicated issues that need nuanced solutions, but to try and put it simply, most every economic problem we have right now is caused, at least in part, by overregulation, overtaxation, a worthless fiat currency, a fed that floods the market with money at the whim of politicians thereby devaluing the currency even more and other, similar, issues. One of the main reasons it costs so much to live in certain places is because of taxes. One of the main reasons healthcare costs are so high is because the government protects insurance companies from both failure and competition.

There's a scene in Independence Day where, I believe it was Jeff Goldblum's character, asks how the government funds Area 51. His father answers "What, you don't think they're spending $20,000 on a hammer, $30,000 on a toilet seat, do you?" but that's kind of exactly how health insurance works in this country. The prices for services and equipment are massively inflated, because insurance companies can afford to pay $30,000 for a toilet seat. And because a toilet seat now costs $30,000 dollars, the regular Joe working 9-5 needs insurance if he wants to use that bathroom. But in order to get that insurance, he needs to pay a certain amount every month until he needs to use it, with no guarantee that he'll ever have to use it. So over the course of his life, he ends up paying a lot more than $30,000 for a toilet seat he'll probably never use. And because 330 million people are all paying for insurance, those insurance companies can afford a lot of toilet seats that most people are never going to use. So where does the rest of that money go? Into the pockets of politicians who make sure that the scam the insurance companies and the hospitals have going on is all nice and legal. But it's unethical. And more than that, it's unsustainable. The whole thing will come crashing down at some point. To avoid that, we need to start dismantling it piece by piece. Get back to the way things were before insurance when people could pay out of pocket for almost all the medical care they'd need.

As for the economy as a whole, eliminate most taxes completely, lower the taxes that remain significantly, slash all regulations that hinder small businesses from competing in a market dominated by politically connected multinational corporations, kill the last vestiges of Obamacare, gut the welfare state, bring back the gold standard, stop all foreign aid that doesn't directly benefit this country and its citizens, and you'll start to see massive improvements in nearly all aspects of society.

None of this will be easy. Most likely, it will never get done until the whole system collapses under its own weight. But everything I mention is possible. It's not a pipedream, like perfect communism or anarchism magically springing into existence and solving all our problems.

[heartnosekid]

well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.

if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.

i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.

and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.

tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.

my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.

i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.

i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.

i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.

people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.

i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.

a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.

this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.

but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.

on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.

these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.

-ish