#how is my friend even alive rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kur0mi-kat · 5 months

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me: ITS SO COLD IM GONNA SHRIVEL UP AND DIE (45°F) my bestie: this is nice actually (-8°F)

#im so dramatic #skull emoji #how is my friend even alive rn #i need to stfu really

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kavehater · 3 months

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I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”

#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because #if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅#in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him #is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen #heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️#goddamn #“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️”#maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake #your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗*#dora daily #if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to #observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀#let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing #basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️#( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively )#guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap #LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable #anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life #<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️

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rainybraindays · 4 months

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I keep seeing things where people are like "it was so nice to see Colin's satisfied little smirk fall when he realized she wasn't going to fall over herself for him anymore" because they seem to think he really only sees Penelope as an ego boost, but like...my guy just found out he hurt one of his best friends feelings? And thats why shes been ignoring him for months? Hes not upset because his ego isn't getting stroked, he's upset because he hurt someone he cares about. Why is it so hard for y'all to grasp

#rainy talks #the way people look at him; nicest man alive; who has yet to be intentionally mean to anyone #and think he just sees Penelope as some ego boost #like he very clearly sees her as his *friend* and he's upset because shes upset #literally how are you people going to handle him getting upset at her for Whistledown #because like in the books where she does significantly less damage #he gets UPSET #y'all gonna get pissed about this??#not to mention Penelope lashing put like this at him #is because hes the only person around her that'll take it #but thas just my opinion and its 3 am ad I am not writing an essay about that rn #and like even if he does see her as an ego boost;arguably so does she!!!#but again i am NOT getting into tjis #I'm just a massive colin defender #I'll also defend pen for alot of shit but man she doesn't need it shes got a whole fucking posse and hes got like 3 gays who love him

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ducktollers · 2 months

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got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D

#delete later #sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree #and theyre desperate #and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out #bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people #and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary #and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn #cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time #😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances #didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate #uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation #and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after #and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it #there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over #time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19 #yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x

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nebulouscoffee · 7 months

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Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this

#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to)#I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky #I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine #and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve #and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn #I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky #(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things)#(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe)#anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D #I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one #even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends #how do Trills even exist #how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now #and still function #how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her #does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?#does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now?#does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day?#does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more?#idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually...#(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao)#cw death

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candyriku · 1 month

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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)

#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive #for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood #i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically #and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol #ANYWAYS #typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in #but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one #like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him #which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know #that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all #also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her #so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me #cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship #so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say #So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic #updates

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dennistakesamentalhealthday · 10 months

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hi i finished my degree last week

#LMAOO #i dont know the grade for my dissertation and ive actually convinced myself of all the reasons it sucks so #i feel like im awaiting doom hahahahahahahahah but at least its done #i know i said before i will probably be offline and then was terminally online #rn i dont know #i love sunny and dennis but i get like hyperfixation fatigue with it #theres 2 much going on irl and also nothing at all so i feel weirddd #idk how active ill be across off season but since idk how long this off season will be im not like #gonna be away until we get news you know #also im mad i wasnt online for the s16 filming #ANYWAY! im alive and having fun etc #well now im having fun because im not doing schoolwork LMAO #i feel too overwhelmed to scroll the dash or look at discord servers but i hope my beloved friends and mutuals are well #and like i dont have the time or energy for fandom discourse or ship discourse or even just analysis and meta discussions #esp with the type of content sunny has #so idk im trying to figure out how i want to interact w these spaces but like this is a sunny blog its not that deep #i just miss people

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cutearose · 3 months

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#having a bit of a breakdown bc i keep fucking everything up bc of how bad my mental heath is rn #and im so tired of feeling like this useless burden #i keep fucking up in the exact same ways and its expensive and frustrating and stressful #and it sucks to be losing my mind over these mistakes while also just aggressively not wanting to be alive #like what does it matter if my bike is dead bc i ruined it and now cant go to my friends wedding? what does anything even matter?#being alive is too fucking hard #and i am very alone and dont want to burden anyone w my mental health anyway #but i am just. completely falling apart at the moment #and im so fucking tired all the time #hhhhhHHHHHH #struggling here pals.#post

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oculusxcaro · 1 year

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Difficult Person VS Likeable Person

"Callous? I'm not saying I actually attacked someone but if I did, believe me, they had it coming."

Tagged byStolen from: @halfghcst Tagging: Whoever would like to do it?

#🌈 || dashboard games #🌈 || memes #🌈 || character sheet #Spooky showed me this last night so I had to do it too #And I'm LAUGHING #How can you be so friendly but be such a callous bitch Khare?#Actually it's kind of appropriate because she was kind of traumatized about the whole kidnapping and being experimented on schtick #So it's kind of skewed her outlook a bit #It's okay I smashed the cell guard's head in he had it coming #It's okay I stole a hunting knife and some clothes and supplies from those hunters #I needed it more than they did #Definitely not opening up anytime soon I can't even accept myself rn #Happiness is definitely at a low #She's so fucking lonely and isolated since she can't even contact family back home and let them know she's alive #So far my only kinda sorta friend is that guy with the end is nigh sign and it's only because I have beans #It's just getting funnier the longer I look at this because she's genuinely wanting to be friendly and kind #But man she's gone through some shit

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layzeal · 2 years

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we talk a lot about lwj having this anxiety about wei ying putting himself in danger, of him having this deep-rooted fear of losing wei ying again.

i do think he'd have that sort of anxiety, for sure! though considering how trustworthy he is of wei ying's abilities to do dangerous things (using a paperman to spy on jgy, guiding nmj's resentful corpse to the coffin when even lxc got worried it'd be dangerous, etc), i think it wouldn't be as bad as the fandom generally believed

but also! we all kind of overlook the deliciousness of wei ying having that anxiety over losing lan zhan, and not even realizing

#or rather. he does realize. remember post-bathtub scene when he thought he was going to lose lan zhan?#and that wasnt even a life-and-death situation. it was a ''he won't want to be my friend after this'' and that was enough to make him PANIC #we know that wwx's death is still a sensitive topic for lwj. but the mere idea of lwj dying (esp when theyre both still young #and newly married. would make wwx almsot shut down emotionally)#remember how he reacted to shijie's death? yeah #lwj kinda occupies a similar place in wwx's life when it comes to making him feel safe #idk i just can see lwj taking too long to return from a nighthunt and his brain has that one very scary passing thought #and suddenly wwx is almost in a panic stage. and he thinks of how lwj was whipped to an inch of his life while wwx was still alive #and he hadnt had a clue back then. so how would he know if lwj isnt at door's death rn?#listen IM JUST SAYING out of the two. the one who would react the worse to the possibility of the other one being in the verge of death #is now lwj. lwj would be scared but he Would Know What To Do. wwx might legit just shut down #modao #lace speaks

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bo0zey · 2 years

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everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem

#blueface baby ayyy #i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao #i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry #im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak #i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything #i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld #i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself #also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years #if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would #be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !!#im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!!#i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t #i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt #i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol #i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way #i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words #i’ll write everyone apology notes #i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive #god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me #fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again #why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself #i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted #i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad #i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter #im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon #shut up cianna

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pepprs · 2 years

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ok update i just finished making my card and i said / drew (lol) basically everything i wanted to say in it (except for the things i definitely can’t say now that this is happening lol). so i think maybe i might be ok with not saying what i want to say directly to her. but then when i say that im not ok with it at all LOLLLL so i think i need to sleep on it and maybe see what tomorrow brings

#purrs #sobbed hysterically writing the message and that was like 4 hrs ago (yeah.) and im still like dizzy and puffy eyed from it. i am not having #a good time lol. and it’s only going to get more intense this whole week and i don’t know if i can handle it. ive been overstimulated /#sleep deprived for like 2 straight days bc yesterday i was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking abt it and today i was doing #everything in mt power TO think abt it including being subjected to things that were hard and ofc the walk being a flop kinda lol. but omg.#mutuals i know it’s so deeply cringe but i have been vagueposting abt my work life since before i even got the fucking job. i know i look #mentally ill about it and i definitely am but my colleagues past and present are my best friends and my number 1 reason to be alive #actually. so this is just. idk. this feels very……. especially when this is someone who was never supposed to leave this suddenly. who i thou #thought i had years and years left with. and it’s just over like that and we have to say goodbye and i know it’s not even that big of a move #but it’s actually killing me. like physically. that this is happening rn. i don’t know what the fuck im going to do. and we aren’t even f #gonna be able to grieve openly at all but we are grieving and she doesn’t even.. like idk. maybe it just hasn’t occurred to her that we are.#but we literally are and its soooooooo bad. it’s so bad. i feel like im having a bad dream every day. i already felt like nothing was real #anymore and this helped abt -50000% with that sensation. like wtf is going on rn. she’s LEAVING. ON FRIDAY. FOREVER. FUCK!#but uh yeah the point is i do want to talk to her and if it was anyone else i would. but when it comes to emotional stuff and being honest #w each other abt how one makes the other feel… we are incompatible im afraid. she doesn’t want to talk abt it and all i want to do is talk b #but im shy and weak so i cave and just do everything in my power to give her what she needs and then i feel shattered for the rest of the #day / week / whatever. it fucking sucks and im not like that w anyone else in my little irl world (except my p*rents ofc LMAO) but it’s like #onmgggggg. can we please just talk abt how it is so painful you are doing this and comfort each other in it somehow. LOL! like i am in so mu #much pain i can’t even speak and she didn’t even look at me when i flicked my eyes over to her during the silences. CRINGE! girl she doesn’t #care about you 😭😭😭😭 except she does. idk. it’s just sooooo. idk. my brain is not right it hasn’t been since i got the news. i think im dying #delete later #OMG ALSO it is now the wee hours of july 26 which means that 3 yrs ago right abt now i did something so very stupid that made me have my #first very bad breakdown ever and it led to me realizing i needed counseling again. so maybe in the spirit of this anniversary i will do #this stupid thing (of asking to talk and then saying what i want to say even though i wrote it out) and then have a very bad breakdown and t #then go to counseling 🥳✌️

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dubiouslexism · 2 years

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#i feel so jealous and envious rn and it's so gross i can't make it go away #negative #rant #vent #personal #anyway sorry forgot i shouldve put those first #i'm literally just so annoyed though bc i'm stuck in this perpetual state of angry and upset and i can't even figure out how to make -#how to make myself feel better #like ???#and it doesn't help that everytime i fall asleep i dream of my mom #but theyre bad dreams #it's of her still alive and me desperately trying to find solutionsand cures and sometimes i succeed #and then i wake up #i have to wake up and live with my failure #and then i have to be awake and live with the failure of my life in a house that feels so hopeless #the only thing i've got going for me is angelo #just angelo #i'm sorry i'm just so sad and so alone and i want to go home so bad but she's dead #my mom is dead and i'm beginning to hate my best friend #thats what i wanted right? i wanted to be able to ghost her right? and feel nothing?#except i don't feel nothing i feel everything and then guilt #it always goes back to guilt

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be-good-to-bugs · 3 months

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how can i be expected to go to a job while in the midst of a mental health crisis :/

#the bin #i want it to gi away but that isnt gonna happen. if i just had someone to talk to and hangout with then i think id be ok #i can barely function. i have literally 0 support from anyone. how am i supposed to deal with the stress of being alive completely alone #i need someone to taalk to abt all the shitty stuff thats happened recently so i feel less awful. but instead im stuck feeling even more #awful over being isolated all the time. how tf am i supposed to function like a regual person. i havent had any friends since i was 10 #im always busy dealing with this awful loneliness. i cant do that AND maintain having a job and paying bills and all that #i just want someone to talk to. i spend all my time alone in my own head and its driving me crazy #i feel like i have made real progress in a lot of ways. im much more able to put myself out there. but thats useless without any way to meet #people to begin with. with all the other issues in my life rn itd be nice to just chill with someone but no. thats not possible.

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coridallasmultipass · 4 months

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#back to being depressed rn mN i feel like my health was bad back im 2019 but like #i still had hope about me #i feel like ive lost all of it and im so tired of everything #i cant even read that fic im just so depressed and tired and i dont want to keep being so hopeless and miserable #im not living rn im just existing and even that is too much when i know im not gonna get anywhwre in life #my chronic illnesses and pain have been kicking my ass the past 5 years and i miss feeling human and alive evem if it hurt #now im justl like a ghost or something performing humanity very poorly #i got like no friends and can barely take care of myself #my life has only ever gotten worse by the year since age 11 #like i saw a post earlier about how 'it gets better after ur done with teens and college age' but ive only declined my whole life #i feel like ive never even lived #im just tired #vent #delete later / /#am i even real like lol i feel like i dont exist honestly its just a dream or something #i shouldnt have attempted my therapy homework i know im bottling things and its spilling over but #it doesnt help to talk about the thing that happened it just makes it worse #fuck ok i need to try and just sleep before i really breakdown #depression #sorry idk what to tag i need to go

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medicaltechnician · 6 months

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i need to vent here for a second sorry. merry xmas and wgatever. (Talk of the genocide ongoing in gaza, antisemtism, zionism, and churches.)

-

so i went to church today (first time in literatly more than a decade. I was 4 last time) To accompany a friend. It was a fine experience whatever, the church could be so much better if they weren’t all recruit-y and whatnot, not the point of this post.

One of the songs brings up Isreal, look, I don’t know a lot of about christianity and have no idea what song it was, anyways. my friend decided to text our mutual friend about it. Show’d me the texts laughing. I barely remember what the convo was about cause I blacked out at the phrase “i (blue heart white heart) isreal”. I’m still very very pissed bout it.

Like, they have both mentioned in the past they’re on the side of innocent civillians. Which yeah, and have mentioned they hate the amount of anti-semitism showing up with YEAH! It fucking sucks that anti-semites are co-oping a group of peoples genocide. Idk. I’m fucking mad and dont know what I’m yelling about anymore, because I know they’re good people? And I’d like to think they support palestine (they have said they do. As of recent just too scared to be public about it. Which is fine, i dont mind too much especially in the positions they stand in life rn.)

But idk, that sentence just doesn’t seem like smth you can even write out as a joke. It soured my mood greatly.

If u want to hear bout my church experience sure, it was fun, and funny, and yeah I see why my family doesn’t go to church anymore. It was basically a rock concert, I think I just need to go to a rock concert though. Where they let me light a candle. (Dude compared jesus to the jumbotron and then during the candle thing his candle went out XD)

#ker talks #ker vents #i hate how much this is pissing me off and how scared i am to even bring it up #i really dont want this to show up in the tumblr search systems but whatever i guess #i have problems when it comes to bringing up ‘politics’ and racism #it stems from a previous relationship i was in where as a visible asian i was brushed off and talked over about racism #and told i had internalized racism which is true and was true but also like i have a brain #i hate being alive #rn especially #i also am bad with communication and explaining my thoughts and shit #so it hinders when im trying to spread information #so most i do is rt on twt and hope my friends fucking see it #i think they do #i dont think they care #i wish i saw the rest of that convo and didnt black tf out in anger #cause maybe i’d feel a little bit better #fuck i never want to see that sentence again.#i really dont want to talk to the mutual friend or see them rn too.#im so pissed.#i need to sleep and try and enjoy xmas tmrw ig.

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