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#it always goes back to guilt
voidscreamns · 1 year
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#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet#but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me#idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization#diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could#hurt people#it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat#and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again#when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him#Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he#came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt#afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always#observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk#Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone#Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate#at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth#Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife#moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff#and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this#and Kaeya just goes ‘what’#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc#and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces#later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him#he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn#+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya#soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not#as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine#this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs
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corfisers · 6 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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wild-at-mind · 3 months
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I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.
#i guess i must be broken according to this person because i don't seem to feel emotions the way they feel helps palestine#activists in palestine are also calling for a general strike where no one goes to work and that has yet to materialise in a meaningful way#because people keep watering it down by saying 'oh it's ok just post constantly/about nothing else than palestine on social media'#yeah awesome great- look i'm sure there are people in palestine saying get the word out about our suffering etc#but they are also calling for more meaningful symbolic gestures like strikes which as far as I know no western country has delivered#because that would take a lot of organising and much less guilt tripping and people spending all their time posting#and comfort always comes up- comfort and discomfort- what even is comfort?#is feeling ok in your own mind an insult to palestine?#are there people losing everything in wars feeling better because someone in the west feels really really bad about their pain?#like sorry to be facetious but what on earth does any of this rhetoric accomplish#i spent years thinking like this and it made me so sick and now i'm better i am DONE with it- i cannot go back to this thinking#i can only live if i bend away from this kind of thinking like a plant to light- and i want to help others but people just won't stop#please- post on social media if you like. it doesn't help anyone to view the depths of their pain and feel bad#it is better to look towards hope a ceasefire and a resolution and end to the killing of palestinians for good#that can happen!!!#i think avoiding misinformation and dehumanising rhetoric about either side is also very important#i fully believe you can only understand geopolitics and war if you see everyone as human
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dutybcrne · 3 months
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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.
#hc; kaeya#//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this#//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people#//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate#//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure#//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like#//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far#//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too#//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact#//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably#//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward#//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers#//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is#to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows#//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait#//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like#a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him#could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing#//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings#//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to#//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could#//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church#//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There#//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes#//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf#//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha#//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what#//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER#//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive
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lattekatte · 1 year
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Survivor’s Guilt AU, Chapter 1
i’m really nervous to post this but fuck it here we go. i wrote this back in july and never posted it until literally right now but kept thinking about it and i am going to write a chapter from adam’s perspective of what happens with him after this cause the story isn’t finished obviously. also this was before volume 4 when we found out that adam was an alternate all along so this was going off of the assumptions about adam’s nature that were kind of prevalent at the time. anyway here we go
Winter Break, 2009. 
Jonah’s head hurt. He felt the throbbing at his temples along with a red-hot sensation in his swollen eyelids as acrid tears irritated his eyes and dripped into his open mouth through gritted teeth. Wordlessly screaming internally against the incessant whispering in his mind, he pulled the car over with a jolt of the brakes and grasped at the door handle, half-falling out of the open car door onto the pavement. 
The road smelled freshly paved with pungent asphalt, reflecting an unwelcome white light into Jonah’s stinging eyes: the headlights of an approaching truck. Jonah felt a spike of terror as he rolled himself underneath his parked car, narrowly avoiding the front wheels of the large pickup truck as it crushed sticks and pebbles of asphalt inches from Jonah’s soft hands pushing his body out of the lane. Scrambling out from under the mechanics of the car onto the side of the road, his hands clawed into coarse dirt and grass, digging rough particles of cold sand into his nail beds as he pulled himself out and away from the street. 
Dehydrated from crying and dizzy from the adrenaline, he allowed himself to crumple onto the ground. The blood rushing through his ears raced through his head with an audible hissing noise, like static, putting a loud pressure on the inside of his head, like he’d just sprinted a mile with no water. Louder still was the rapid echoing and amplification of thoughts ricocheting off of the sides of his brain: you left him behind, you left him to die, you’re going to hell. He let out a strangled sob at the thought of Adam still in that house with no way out. If Adam hadn’t already been killed, the only other option was that his death was happening right now, at this very moment, with his only means of escape collapsed on the side of the road miles away. The worst best friend in the world.
Jonah lay face down in the cold grass, heaving sobs past the lump in his throat. He felt like throwing up, tasting bile that wasn’t there. After a long time, he was too exhausted for the frantic racing thoughts to continue, explosive whispering transitioning to morose silence and a painful kind of brain fog. A split second later, through this despondent haze in Jonah’s mind, the voices cut sharply from inside his head to outside. Outside, and right in front of him; emitting like radio static from a figure that came into focus as Jonah lifted his head. 
The figure was tall, and proportioned in a way that made Jonah go cross eyed trying to piece it together. Dressed almost angelically, with starkly pale skin and long blond waves of hair, it seemed to shudder in and out of focus. Its eyes looked drawn onto its face; the shapes of eyelid, iris and pupil geometrically aligned with each other. It was staring at Jonah, and emitting the same whispers that had haunted Jonah since he left Adam less than half an hour ago. It arranged its teeth in a smile, and spoke to Jonah without moving its mouth. 
“You left him to die.” 
Coming from the unmoving lips of this alternate, the phrase sounded less like an accusation and more like a sentence from some terrifying holy court. You cannot un-abandon a friend. 
Jonah stood up sharply, only to fall once again on his knees before the angelic alternate. He couldn’t stop himself from crying out, at first just a guttural scream, which made the figure take a few steps back. Slowly at first, Jonah’s wails changed into something more recognizable as “Is he alive? Is Adam dead? Is he dead?” 
The angel said nothing. 
Jonah had never been religious, but out of something analogous to complete desperation, he clasped his hands together so tightly that his nails drew blood, and he prayed in front of this mockery of an angel, and his prayer was a scream that tore its way through the raw tissue of his voice box: “Please, fucking please, bring him back! Let him come back alive!” 
The angel took a step, barefoot in the sparse grass, towards Jonah. 
“I’ll do anything! Anything you want me to do! I don’t fucking care! Kill me if you want, but bring Adam back!” 
The angel tilted its head to one side, like a curious nocturnal predator. It took another step toward Jonah, and then suddenly, like it was ambushing a small animal, it made a swift motion downwards. Jonah closed his eyes and flinched away, preparing for the worst. 
Nothing. Cautiously, he opened his eyes to see the angel kneeling on the ground inches from Jonah’s own kneeling position, grass staining its white robe where it touched the soil beside the road. Jonah’s dizzy gaze met the angel’s, and as his vision evened out to match the angel’s unwavering stare, the eyes looking into his own melted from pure black irises and uncannily wide eyelids to the same dark shade of umber as Jonah’s, sparkling with the same swollen redness of tears. Jonah gasped sharply, the cold air hitting the back of his throat like ice water, and fell back, hands against the rough soil. He tried to wrench his eyes away from the gaze that now matched his own, but found the eye contact impossible to break, as if it were a physically locked bond between them. 
The angel spoke again, and it spoke with Jonah’s voice and its own, two voices merged into one: “Do you blame yourself?” and, simultaneously, “You should blame yourself.”
Jonah tried to push himself backwards again and broke the eye contact, tears crashing back in a tidal wave to the corners of his eyes, but the angel reached out to him out of the darkness with a birch-white arm and grasped his face with a pale platinum hand that felt strangely warm against Jonah’s skin, the way metal gets warm after immense friction. The angel guided Jonah back towards it, tilting his head with its hand and holding his jawline in a way that was almost comforting. 
Jonah wanted to scream, but his voice broke with a sob as his eyes were fixed into the angel’s eye contact once again. Completely exhausted both mentally and physically, he gave in to the angel’s control. 
“It should have been me,” he whispered. 
Softly, almost kindly, the angel concurred, “It should have been you.” 
The guilt that Jonah felt was strong, but stronger than the acidity of guilt was the gravitational pull of acceptance. Jonah’s body went slack, and the angel took him into its arms and laid him down in its lap as it sat cross-legged on the short grass. 
“Do you wish to take his place, Jonah?” 
Jonah, for reasons unbeknownst to even himself, nodded. 
The angel sat silent for a while, then held out a closed hand to Jonah, who opened it. Inside was Jonah’s pocket knife, the small one with the faux pearl handle that he kept in his glove compartment for emergencies. Adam had bought it for him at a flea market in Mandela County several months ago. 
Jonah took the knife from the angel’s palm, and regarded it for a long moment through bleary eyes. Finally, he raised his head to meet the angel’s eyes, and this time it was him holding the eye contact. 
“Give me your word,” Jonah said, “that you’ll bring Adam back. The real Adam. Alive.” He pointed the knife forwards towards the angel’s chest in a final attempt at a threatening gesture, knowing full well he could do nothing, that he was harmless. 
The angel, holding the eye contact, melted its eyes from the velvet brown that matched Jonah’s irises to the slate blue-gray of Adam’s shining eyes. “I give you my word.”
Jonah sat up, slowly. There was a strong flavor of dread in his mouth and an even stronger conviction of what he was doing solidifying itself in his mind, like iron filings clinging onto a magnet. The rest of the world started to fade from his view into mist, matching the gray-dark of the night and the road. He felt a sense of clarity, seeing himself from the outside, silver-blonde hair soaked with tears trailing over soft mahogany skin, a trembling hand deliberately being raised as if by a crane operated in Jonah’s conscious mind, bearing the bright silver blade as cargo to its intended target, and he didn’t want to do it but at the same time he did. He owed it to himself and to Adam, of course to Adam. 
For Adam’s sake, he pushed his train of thought away from the memories of little Jonah eating raspberry lime popsicles in the backyard, hugging his parents at his fifth grade graduation, holding on tight to his favorite stuffed tiger and running around in the grass. For Adam’s sake, he refused to give himself the time to let his life flash before his eyes and to regret what he was about to do. For Adam’s sake, he ignored the mental image of little Jonah crying and afraid as an older version of himself taught him to fear the end of his life, blade pressed against little Jonah’s neck. 
With a lump in his throat, Jonah turned away from his childhood self, and he looked into Adam’s blue eyes. They looked back at him, kindly, from the porcelain face of the angel. 
“I’m coming back for you, Adam,” he choked out, and pushed the knife into his neck. 
Jonah woke up – wait, woke up? – on the grass, with a warm hand on his forehead. It felt like the only source of warmth in the world, pouring heat into his freezing body. Save for this feeling of heat on his forehead, he was completely numb head to toe, his lips and fingers blue and his face bloodless. As the warmth spread from his forehead to the back of his head, he felt that his hair was cold and wet, sticking to his scalp like red metallic mud. As he regained his sense of smell, the stench of iron and dirt gradually registered in his brain as the smell of blood, lots of it. He knew that this blood had to have come out of a living thing, and before it could dawn on him that he had been that living thing, the warmth spread to his neck. 
It intensified in a split second, becoming a white-hot scalding, burning heat, and Jonah screamed. The scream broke the fragile flesh that had already been split open, letting loose a flood of choking hot liquid into the boiling agony of his throat. He took a sharp inhale, a million tiny swords and knives embedding themselves into his vocal cords, and as he tried to restrain himself from screaming again, another hand clamped itself over his mouth. In total shock, Jonah froze, eyes widening in a stunned and agonized state of suspended animation. The hand that had been on his forehead moved quickly down to his neck, applying pressure from its palm onto Jonah’s throat, and the pain vanished, like a candle being blown out. He felt the sensation of his skin shifting and reattaching to itself, closing the wound that had been inflicted there. 
The hand returned to Jonah’s forehead, and he fell into a black anesthesia. 
Jonah woke up again, still on the grass, entirely paralyzed. Not even his eyelids would move, completely still across his eyes like two heavy weighted blankets. He tried to sit up, to open his eyes, to open his mouth, but it was as if the cord between his mind and body had been cut, like trying to flick on a lightswitch when the power is out. 
The angel– the alternate– was standing over him. He couldn’t see it, but he could feel its presence there, an obelisk of radiant horror. Acknowledging its presence formed a pit in his stomach, but he also felt an unfamiliar draw towards it that he couldn’t rationalize. He fought against this pull, struggling to breathe with the stiffened muscles around his lungs. A pained sound escaped him as his ribs cramped, sending a spike of discomfort through his chest. The angel reacted frighteningly quickly, stooping down to place a hand on Jonah’s upper torso and releasing the paralysis in his lungs, allowing him to intake a sharp mouthful of air. As Jonah’s breathing stabilized, he scanned his body for feelings of any injuries. He focused his attention onto his chest, trying to gauge how fast his heart was beating. It wasn’t. 
Before Jonah could even register this, he felt the angel settle down next to him, the hem of its robe rustling his hair as it folded around the side of Jonah’s head. It placed two fingertips, still strangely warm, on each of Jonah’s eyelids, and opened them. 
Jonah felt the sensation of being pulled through thick cloth, like he was being forced through the very fabric of spacetime. 
When his eyes opened, he found he could move again, and he dug his fingers into warm, dry carpet. Confused, he sat up, feeling the solid surface of a floor where a moment before there had been dirt and grass and frost. Breathing heavily, he scanned the space– small, with gray walls and a beige carpet– for the angel, for any other sign of life, alternate or otherwise. Although he still felt the imprints of the angel’s fingertips on his eyelids, there was nothing and no one to be seen. 
There were no windows in the room. The air was stifling, with no circulation, dry and warm, and Jonah got the distinct feeling of being enclosed by the earth. Sitting up on his knees, he struggled to hear a sound in the cloying silence of the room. The quiet was deafening, like white noise. Like static. 
The silence was suddenly broken by a wail that made Jonah’s stomach drop. Though distorted beyond its previous quality, it was all too familiar to him. It repeated again, a few seconds later, and again, and again: the warped sound of a cat’s cry. He was in the basement. 
“Oh no, no no no no,” Jonah’s voice quavered. He spun wildly, standing up too quickly. “Adam? ADAM!!” 
The recording of the cat resonated like a foghorn in Jonah’s brain, only causing him to panic further. It wailed again and again, like a broken alarm, low and threatening and pervasive. Jonah stumbled and fell, his body hitting the carpet with a thud, flinching as the wind was knocked out of him. He opened his eyes to a staticky white light, directly in front of his face, emanating from a box in the darkness ahead of him. With a startled gasp, he scrambled backwards, away from the TV. As he watched in horror, the cat sound lowered in pitch and stretched out, one continuous droning of absolute terror. And suddenly, the TV shut off, plunging Jonah into darkness, the tenor siren of the cat remaining, dropping sharply in pitch and quality once again, one long screaming sound in the dark basement. 
The panic in Jonah’s lungs drained the air from every part of his body, grasping hands of vacuum pressure forcing their way through his torso and out through his mouth in a sharp spasm of air. The pressure of his fear was palpable and all-consuming, painfully crushing his body into the carpet and digging nails into the crevices of his subconscious mind. The atmosphere itself had him pinned to the ground, rendering him absolutely helpless against the sentient, ambient terror enveloping him. He struggled in the gravitational restraints of his own form, a last desperate effort to escape the feeling that was overcoming him. Hot tears streamed down his cold face, flowing over the surface of his skin like warm water from a tap, generating a sharp tingling sensation like pins and needles that spread over him entirely. Nothing hurt anymore, but Jonah screamed for his life, writhing against the visceral shifting feeling spreading throughout his body, fighting the strange comforting lull that had started to seep into his consciousness. 
For as long as he could, Jonah resisted the change, but finally, all at once, he felt the last bit of his strength slip away. The pressure pulled him under and covered him completely, and it dissolved him until he was unrecognizable. 
.
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[author’s note: fuck] 
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pidgefudge · 6 months
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guy who got home from school 6 hours ago and hasn't studied for his exams at all voice: i wish my brother wouldn't tear into me for not studying for my exams 😭😭😭
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elialys · 2 months
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~
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seventh-district · 1 year
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IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY
#Seven.txt#fish stuff#vibrating with excitement#and also nervous energy and sleep deprivation but it’s fine cause ITS FISH DAY BABEY#i’m sitting outside waiting on them and i /had/ another package with snails coming today as well#and i was typing up a post like ‘let’s see which one gets here first. the snails or the fish?’#cause they’re coming from two different carriers y’know#but the snails literally got here while i was typing that post so uh. the snails won the race lmao#anyways i am exhausted and anxious out of my mind cause the stakes are pretty high with these fish#and i’ve averaged about 4hrs of sleep this week#and you’d know how bad that is if u knew that my depressed ass can easily sleep for 12-16 hrs if i’m allowed to#not that that’s good either but. 4hrs is NOT enough for me friends#i am. running on pure distilled nervous energy rn#but i’m still excited don’t get me wrong. i just hope everything goes well and they aren’t too stressed or beat up from the shipping#wish me well that i don’t fuck things up!!!#i have like. a number of years of experience to fall back on but i am still always learning and i’m nervous every time i get new fish#anyways. the guilt of all the messages and comments i’ve gotten lately that i haven’t replied to is eating me alive :)#and it makes me feel bad for posting things on my socials whenever i have any un-replied to messages#cause i don’t want people to think i’m ignoring them!!! i’m just so busy rn!!! and it’s less effort to type out a lil post like this#versus sitting down and thinking of the good genuine thoughtful responses that i wanna give to people#especially when i like. can’t think straight rn. about anything other than keeping these fish alive#so. that will be my full day today but once things calm down and everyone’s hopefully settled in tomorrow#i can finally start working on replying to everything#okay enough rambling. back to staring at the fields and waiting#at least the weather’s nice. and i’m sitting in the golf cart so i’m in the shade#which is good cause i’m wearing a hoodie over a shirt and long pants#and i’ve got a coffee and music playing. now if i could just chill out everything would be great#but knowing myself I Will Not
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slocumjoe · 1 year
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It's so funny to think how we both have the incredible specific scenario of 'my sole survivor was stuck somewhere while serving in the military and had to eat his fellow soldiers and now he's a Cannibal'. Its like that Doofinshmirtz meme. Its weird that this happened twice. Here I was thinking I had galaxy brained when I did this a month ago and bam!! You did it too!!
8 END is both a blessing and in the right wrong circumstances, a curse
#i write my characters around the perk chart jahajshslhshsls#so gus has always been perceptive and durable and agile (all special stats relating to sniping w/ vats hits and vats accuracy and AP usage)#so those perks informed his character#he sometimes goes behind backs. he has a quick eye and picks up on things easily#he has a chem tolerance. he has an iron stomach#and he is a survivalist even if that means he has to eat people sometimes#and Isadora is a builder. So her stats are STR and INT. she uses power armor and heavy weapons.#she does the literal and metaphorical heavy lifting being a combat engineer. she needs to be able to carry the heavy parts and tools#and she needs the brains to do anything with them#so like...shes both brains and brawn but Gus is the heart and people person#and hes the one with the personal reason to be bothering#like Isadora just wants to shoot the guy that shot her (kellogg) but Gus had his whole ass baby stolen#so its like. Isadora is very competent and qualified to do the plot but she doesnt have the reason. Gus does.#and the /need/ to do this. because hes so guilt ridden over everything in his life he feels like this is his final chance to redeem himself#so he throws himself into the Minutemen and Brotherhood trying to fix the world bit by bit#and he does! but it takes so long that when he finds Shaun finally#Shaun has only a week or so to live#so he redeemed himself but at the cost of finding his son#he spent so much time making a better world for the baby he was looking for and instead all he got was a child's bedroom never to be used#meanwhile Isadora is watching the legacy of the old world terrorize this new one#The Institute was founded by rich white men who thought they knew what was best for the world#the same thing with America. and look how that ended#so shes seeing this continued cycle and shes furious that even after all this time. these fucking people are still oppressing Massachusetts#when Shaun dies Gus gives up and relapses and throws himself in a ditch somewhere to die#and Isadora has to find him and be like *i know this sucks but we are not done. we are not leaving it like this.*#*Shaun was okay. he wasnt in danger. your son was okay. you know who does need you? the Commonwealth.*#*they need you because you are the only person who can look at this wasteland and see something good. we're all here to help you.*#WOW LOOK AT ALL THOSE TAGS. THIS IS WHY U CANT SAFELY TALK OCS W ME. JESUS.#ss; alter#ss; ivy
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arundolyn · 2 years
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ngl i sometimes forget cishet nerdbros exist and are the only ones who like kenny pretty much, like to the point of nigh worship, which is like On Brand. these bitches like genuinely try to make him some kind of christ figure almost as if he doesnt fucking suck terribly and is mediocre and iirc its never even CONFIRMED confirmed he ever did the one good merciful act that he ever SEEMED to and put him in We Don’t Know If He Died limbo. and its very funny also how they hate anyone who rightfully calls kenny out on being an ass and say theyre weak cowards (BEN. BEN. BEN.) or evil and lying (JANE! WHO WAS FUCKING CORRECT ALWAYS! YOU HATE HER CAUSE SHES RIGHT). anyone who killed jane over kenny is wrong and a coward and he dies anyway so die mad.
admittedly there is SOME nuance and depth to kenny’s character for sure. but these people are just straight up making shit up completely all the time. cope and seethe die mad etc etc your cool white guy died. boo hoo. which is really funny these were probably the same bitches crying when vasco wasnt playable anymore in indivisible and replaced by a cooler black man and genuinely got big baby mad when there was not a playable white man anymore. that happened
#crow.txt#yes the game is about making choices But there are wrong choices (picking kenny over literally anyone else for anything ever)#IDK HE SUCKS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO JUSTFIY IT! HE SUCKS IN S2! DIE MAD IDC!#idk idc i dont give a god damn kenny aint shit and never was. kenny fans are the signora mains of twdg#twdgposting#jane also dies anyway to be fair but i mean at least it wasnt as insane and gruesome i suppose? for her at least?#and its sadder imo. whatever whatever kenny whatever the fuck jane literally like hung herself from the ceiling fan. which like#iirc it was on. and i feel terrible for laughing. but like she was literally slowly rotating. as a zombie. im mad it was so fucked up#but in my brain it was funny just looking back. like it was shocking but did you have to do it in the funniest way possible. girl.#not to mention kenny like. being southern Obviously. says some fucking WILD shit a few times#and implies some wild ass shit that i dont appreciate. idk abt yall but im not gonna side with the racist redneck guy#hes literally the type to own a confederate flag. i bet he did in the first draft of the game#idk unpopular opinion i like ben and im fucked up over like..... sure i get why kenny was pissed. but jesus fucking christ have some empathy#you arent the fucking protagonist surprise surprise! though he sure does want to be#these are the kind of people who saw ben standing up for himself and somehow didnt like. care. which i cannot fathom#like honestly kenny aint fucking shit!!!!!!!!!! im actually mad now#ben went through sooooo much worse. like a LOT fucking worse. but its always about kenny of course.#kenny apparently goes so far as to praise lee if he lets ben fucking die in crawford which. fuck you for that#and ben CLEARLY feels fucking TERRIBLE about it the whole time and is absolutely riddled with guilt after he ruins kenny's family#and is honestly just kinda telling people to kill him after cause he feels he deserves it and shit. and then his death IS sad as fuck#if you spared him from falling in the bell tower thing. like arguably worse than breaking his legs and being eaten alive maybe#idk i just like the cringe little failboy. he was doing his best. BEN did nothing wrong actually i think. kenny genuinely sucked#ben was just scared and confused. justice for ben 2k22.#like even after the supposed mercy kill kenny shit talks him postmortem after purportedly starting to understand him#what is his fucking issue. didnt ben literally like JUST graduate from high school. if he had graduated at all. christ i hate kenny.#...and also the nerdbro kenny obsession is totally cause hes like the white guy power fantasy every dude like that has in apocalypse setting#theyre always Cool and Right and doing the Best For Who They Care About while being a fucking asshole to everyone else#and from the outside seeming like an utter fucking tool in spite of the times they do good. cant stand him#hot takes from me today i guess?
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acasternaut · 2 years
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slowly gets flattened by a steamroller. why isn't everybody on planet earth a charmac fan. i need more fucking content out there for them they are so fucking interesting to me
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jatlokgwo · 4 months
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mom stop makin me go to restaurants please please please please please
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Am I the asshole for getting my best friend killed?
I swear to God, it was an accident.
My (27) BF (34) has a reputation for getting himself out of any jam you can imagine; and at first it was just a fun little thing the friend group noticed: there goes Oily J wiggling his way out of trouble again. but as the meme evolved in the group, it got to the point where we'd loykey started getting him into situations just to see how he'd get out of 'em, and he akept getting out of em. He was having fun with it too same as us. "Oh you guys," he'd say, "getting me into situations again," before laughing it off and getting out of it, so it was enrichment for our shared enclosures, and as time went on, the situations got more intense.
The trouble is, it turns out that putting a man in too many situations eventually gets the police interested. And not local hobsknockers cops either; they was like, proper three-letter FEDs. They put out a bounty on any information pertaining to his capture and everything. It was good money too so I thought, hey why don't I put J in another situation he can wiggle out of like always (and he'd wiggled outta worse before, so I thought this one'd be relatively mild), and at the next boardgame night (cause it was too late to do anything special for this one) we can buy some extra strong booze and get absolutely blitzed while having a giggle about the situation.
Boardgame night, and we were playing some social deduction nonsense or another and he says: "One of you is gonna betray me tonight." and I can't help but think, looking back on it, that he knew. It's stupid, I know he was talking about the game, but the way he said it, it was like he knew. We all felt it, and we had a big round robin round the table taking turns promising that we'd never betray him. And I said it so easily cause I thought it was true. Sure, I was gonna talk to the feds about a bounty; but, I fully expected my big beautiful oily boy to wiggle his way out of the trouble I was 'bout to cause, and that's not a betrayal. I wasn't lying. I didn't think I was lying.
My big beautiful oily boy didn't manage to wiggle his way out of it. They killed him and I got my blood money. He's gone.
He's gone and I'm devastated, crying, mourning. I loved him so much. We all did. And I can't stop thinking that it's my fault: that I'm the reason he's gone. and it is. and the guilt is eating me up inside. and I just need to talk to someone about it. So, I tell the rest of the group what happened in the group chat, hoping they'd understand that I didn't want this. I didn't want the government's blood money. It was supposed the be a prank. some joint enclosure enrichment. He was supposed to wiggle out of it like he always does... did, i mean.
They call me, among worse things, the asshole and kick me from the group chat. And, I know it's my fault he's dead: I know that. If I didn't do what I did, he wouldn't be dead right now. But, I didn't mean it for it to end up this way. He was supposed to be okay, damn it. I loved him. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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isekyaaa · 1 year
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I'm not a shipper, bUT--
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recycledraccoon · 28 days
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What if....
Damien and Danyal Al Ghul are twins. Danyal takes heavily after Bruce but Damien is a perfect mix of their parents, and he came out of the artificial womb first, so Damien is decided to be the heir.
Growing up in the League is hard, but Damien excels in a way that Danyal doesn't, because for all the potential Danyal has, he hates the killing and there is a rebellious streak evident even as young as they are. A rebellious streak is a...very dangerous thing to have. Grandfather won't kill Danyal, for as ruthless as he is he doesn't kill his own lineage. But that is not to say that the additional "training" Danyal goes through is merciful.
Damien and Danyal love each other, not just as brothers but also in the way partners do when they don't even have to blink to anticipate the others actions in the midst of action. Which is why Damien, not even yet six, can see the way Danyal is being broken down under the burden of their joint legacy.
So many times, in so many of the universes in which he exists, Danyal Al Ghul is or is seemingly killed, of which is the catalyst for his escape from the League of Assassins, and his brother is left behind thinking him truly dead.
In this universe, when the Demon Twins are out on a training mission (an assassination of a target so easy it's beneath the League for anything other than the simplest of first training missions) a massive earthquake occurs.
They are alive at the end, but both their communication devices are beyond repair. Damien is more roughed up than Danyal at the end, but both are dirty and bloodied.
This is an unprecedented opportunity, of which Damien knows deep down he will never get again.
He loves his brother deeply, but Danyal is weak, always hesitating before the kill, hands shaking. Damien loves his brother and fighting side by side, but he values more the quiet moments when Danyal is looking at star maps and trying to match them up with the sky above their home or making snarky comments about their trainers under his breath. (After when they can't hear Damien doesn't laugh but Danyal always knows he agrees and is amused.)
Grandfather's and Mother's additional training to bring Danyal up to Damien's level is making Danyal go quiet and emotionless and Damien is selfish.
(Damien convinces his twin brother to leave the League of Assassins.)
Damien drags himself to the rendezvous point and returns home alone, reporting the target dead and his brother lost under rock in the quake, body unable to be recovered. He is colder, furious at the world and himself. He pushes and pushes and PUSHES himself. He is the last remaining of a set and he will prove himself perfect to carry the title of Heir perfectly and without reproach. He is more loyal day by day, the guilt his selfishness and betrayal of his family a deep sting he can't ignore.
Talia does search, but so many bodies were lost or unidentified inside mass graves. She grieves and then refocuses on her remaining son without looking back. Grandfather laments the loss, but cares little for the spare in the long run.
Meanwhile, Danyal hid himself long enough to sneak onto one of many transports filled with foreign aid. He is small and sneakier than any average stowaway, and remains undetected all the way to the US.
He doesn't go to Gotham to find his father, but picks a direction at random and leaves, until eventually he's picked up and put in the system. Bouncing around until one day, not long after he turns seven, the Dr.'s Fenton and their young daughter are visiting in their search to adopt their second child. (A combination of genetics and radiation from their earliest experiments in college leaving the pair with low fertility rates and very high risks if they ever did get pregnant. The two get procedures early on and adopt Jazz when she is still fairly young, but wait until she is a bit older before adopting again.)
Danyal Al Ghul had an older twin brother.
Daniel Fenton doesn't think he could handle having an older brother again, but an older sister is acceptable.
Danyal left to go full civilian, and when Damien had sent him off decided he would carry that knowledge to his grave if he must. He tells no one, and does not even mention ever having a twin when he goes to live with their Father in Gotham. If Mother did not tell Father of the deceased son, then neither will Damien.
Danyal Al Ghul is dead, and Damien will keep it that way.
.
.
.
.
(The greatest secret is this: The two have never lost contact. It is very easy, during a natural disaster, to steal a pair of burner phones, each with one number only on them and prepaid with enough stolen funds to last years. Danny smuggles his with him in one piece, Damien smuggles his in pieces, ready to be hidden and repaired when necessary. He checks it scarcely, but every few months is enough to make sure his twin is alive. When he goes to live with Father in Gotham, they communicate a bit more frequently. This remains his most fiercely protected secret.)
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jessiarts · 1 year
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[Shut off last version of this post to avoid possible continual spread of misinformation that was corrected by staff. Reposting clean with corrected info]
So I'm sure almost everyone knows about the porn bot problem by now, so here's a post detailing why it's a problem, and what we need to do about it.
First off, yes, always block the porn bots. Don't be mislead into thinking they're ok to keep around because they 'inflate your follower count.'
Firstly, no one cares about, nor can anyone even see, your follower count. Be free from the shackles that are the bullshit other socials told you was important. Don't let your ego be tied to a number. Having a lot of followers won't earn you any clout here.
Secondly, bots only follow blogs to try and legitimize their malware (and other dodgy) links. This post goes into more detail about that.
Now that that's out of the way, you'll need to know how to recognize a porn bot. This round the template seems to be:
A profile photo of a pretty lady or guy, usually in their underwear, with a similar header photo.
A bio with some combination of: [Age] // [Name] // [Location] // [Emoji] // [Top Bullshit% OnlyFans]
URL consisting of a name followed by a number (i.e: firstlast999)
Typically an empty blog, or if there is content, it's all dodgy links. Visible, but empty, Likes Tab, & occasionally a visible Following Tab.
You likely recognize the pattern.
So, what you want to do is, first, report the blog as spam On mobile it'll look like this:
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On mobile you'll need to report spam first, and then go back to the menu again to block.
On desktop it will look like this, and unlike mobile, you'll be able to report spam and block in the same motion:
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If I remember correctly,* be sure to "Report Spam", not "Report sexually explicit material" to feed the bots to the proper channels. Because the blog is empty, they haven't posted anything explicit that would violate TOS. However, staff can recognize a bot, and if you report the blog for spam (the actual problem) they'll take a look, more than likely find that the blog is posting or DMing dodgy links, and dispose of it.
And I think that's it. Here's wishing you all a happy and safe blogging experience!
[UPDATE: It was suggested on another post that the bots track your IP if you click on them to send more your way. However, someone from staff corrected and said this is incorrect. They also corrected the 'guilt by association' myth that bots following you can get your blog flagged by tumblr.
That said, that trail all led to another, easier, way to report/block the bots all from your Follower Tab instead of visiting each blog separately, unfortunately it only works on desktop:
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(For newbies, click on the little person icon at the top right of your screen and scroll to find the Followers tab under the blog/sideblog you need to block a pornbot from.)
*I remember this information from a blog that used to be all about taking down the pornbots. Unfortunately I do not know if that blog is still active, nor can I remember the URL. If anyone knows what blog I'm referring to, and/or if they're still active, please feel free to tag them so others can follow them for more tips!
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