#how so often people go around feeling totally dismissed by so much of their life

[medicinemane]

I mean one of the major problems in life, is how often have you tried to talk about something only to clearly realize that no one was listening or no one understood what you meant so you just kind of... went quiet or even changed the subject?

I can't imagine anyone likes that

That's why I argue that one of the fundamental things people want is to be heard, and the to also feel understood. Sometimes nothing's going to improve a situation, at least right away, but just feeling like someone got it and really does know what you're dealing with can often make things feel just a little bit better

I think being validated, like really truly validated rather than just getting lip service levels of validation, I think that makes a huge difference and seems to be something people more or less universally crave

Just kind of an observation

[d0youc0py]

A • Apprehensive • How apprehensive are they to get into a relationship?

Extremely. Not because he doesn’t want too but because he is actually very satisfied with the life he has now. He has his great group of friends who he sees often outside of work and he really doesn’t need much more interaction outside of that. He doesn’t want the stress of worrying about you while he’s away.

B • Bad Habit • Bad Habit they have when it comes to relationships

This man will look for any reason- any reason at all to jump ship. Once again it not because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, of course he wants to love someone and be loved, but he’s so scared of you getting hurt because of him that he will nitpick everything you do in the beginning to find an excuse to distance himself. Yet something about you keeps him coming back……..

C • Cuddling

Touching actually comes very naturally to him. It’s his emotions that are a total roadblock. He thinks it’s the easiest way to get his feelings out without having to find a way to get his brain to connect with his mouth. He’s not a fan of PDA but if you grab his hand in public it will make his legs shake. Loves spooning! He gets to wrap his whole body around yours, breath in your scent, and he has access to kiss your shoulders, neck, head. He wraps his whole arm around your waist while the other is placed under your head like a pillow. Please hold his hand in this position. He also likes casual cuddling. You throwing your feet over his lap while on the couch. He always sits with his arm draped over the back of the couch/any where he can, so take the opportunity to nuzzle on in there.

D • Dates

Dates with him are absolutely wonderful. He does an amazing job focusing all his attention on you, making you feel as if you are the only person he has ever laid eyes on. Dates with him are always pretty simple. Dinner, or maybe a movie, maybe a day trip to a museum or maybe just a walk around a park if the weathers nice.

E • Emotions • How do they handle your emotions?

When you’re happy- he’s happy. When you’re sad he does everything he can to make it stop. He’s extremely fix-it oriented and may not understand that you just want a shoulder to cry on. Anger is a hard one for him because he doesn’t get too angry often. He comes across like he does but it really takes a lot for him to get heated. Anger always makes him uncomfortable too. He’s worried that he’ll somehow become an outlet for you anger. Because of this he tries to dismiss it in hopes you’ll move on but a lot of times this just makes you feel invalidate. Once he realizes that you just want someone to vent to and tell you it’ll all work out he’s there for you 100%.

F • fun level • how fun are they as partners?

This completely depends on your personal idea of fun. If your idea of fun is going out and staying out till two in the morning then he’s not your guy. But if your idea of fun is sitting out on the patio with a drink swapping banter and people watching then he’s your guy. He unknowingly makes typically boring things like cleaning, or waiting in line enjoyable with out of pocket comments. He’s a city boy and has a pretty good idea of all the true gems hidden around.

G • Games • do they play games with your heart?

Absolutely not. He basically got into this relationship unwillingly so if he’s in it- he’s in it. Extremely loyal. He saw what his mom went through and would never ever put someone through that. He’s not the type to flirt with other people just to get you jealous. Trust is a huge thing with him. If he can’t trust you- or if he senses you don’t trust him, it’s not gonna work babe.

H • Hot damn • what are they attracted too physically?

He’s a total sucker for rosy cheeks. He adores a healthy red glow. He’s also incredibly observant. If something about you catches his eye he’s going to just stare at you with no shame to see if he can get an idea of who you are. Edward Cullen vibes. Do you hold your head up high? Do you make eye contact with others? Do you curl in on yourself? He finds loads of people attractive- but he really needs to get to know you before he is attracted to you.

I • indescribable • what do they have the hardest time opening up about?

He opens up about his childhood in a slow- but not excruciating pace. It seems like everyone has some sort of childhood trauma so he doesn’t feel too frowned upon. He will absolutely never open up to you about his work though. You will of course meet the people he works with outside of work, hear a few funny stories, but he will never tell you how good he actually is at his job. He probably won’t even mention Ghost to you unless someone slips up and calls him that. Even then he’s extremely vague. He doesn’t want you associated with that at all. He keeps all of his masks and uniforms locked up in storage unit until he gets deployed.

J • Jealousy

He’s a fairly confident guy, so no he doesn’t get jealous. If you are actively trying to make him jealous to get a rise out of him than that’s a major turn off to him. He thinks it’s childish and honestly downright mean to make your partner feel that way. It’s rare when you feel jealous. He’s a handsome hunk of man so he gets hit on every once in a while. He makes it very obvious he’s in a relationship though. Wether that be flashing his wedding band, gesturing to you, or just downright saying he’s not interested. He hopes that by doing all this it eases your mind while he’s away. He knows it hard not knowing what he’s up to for weeks at a time and it would be easy to let your mind wander, especially when his so flippant and vague about his time away from you. Like stated above he is very big on trust and he really never gives you a reason to not trust him.

K • Kids • Do they want kids?

This might be controversial, but no. He’s doesn’t want kids. Kids stress him out and honestly bring up a lot of trauma for him. He has a lot of good qualities for parenthood. He reliable, protective, understanding, but he also has a lot of emotional problems that he will be working through for the rest of his life. He is gone at least 5-6 months out of the year, and he doesn’t think it’s fair to leave the child rearing up to you. Why would he want to bring a life into this world when it’ll be so hard for him to be there for it? Plus when he’s home he wants to relax- he wants to be with you. He’s very open about this at the beginning of your relationship so you aren’t blindsided.

L • Love • How fast do they say ‘I Love You’?

When you are both old and white haired you’ll probably be able to count on one hand the amount of times he has said I Love You. He’s not big on words. Anyone can talk. He likes to show. Also when he does say those words it’s so special because you know that he is literally overflowing with the feeling.

M • Money

He makes great money (as he should) so he isn’t cheap. He’s a practical spender though. He would much rather spend his money on remodeling the kitchen than go on a vacation. He has absolutely no problem paying for your dates, but if you wanted to pay every now and then it wouldn’t hurt his ego. You could absolutely rely on him to help you out financially if you ever needed it. Your car broke down and you can’t afford to fix it? He’s got you. If you hate your job and decide you want to stay at home or switch careers, he’s got you there too. If you make more than him it honestly doesn’t bother him. Surprisingly his guilty pleasure is clothes. The man owns fifty different tops all in black. T shirts, hoodies, sweaters. The only color he has in his closet are his white button ups. He also has a soft spot for jeans. He’s very picky about his jeans but once he finds a pair he likes he gets ten pairs of them.

N • No • Biggest turn offs

He absolutely hates over sharing right off the bat. Like on your first date you tell him every horrible thing that has happened to you- he’s running. If there is something he absolutely needs to know then it’s okay (he thinks?). He also hates people who aren’t self aware. People who will judge others for something they themselves blatantly do.

O • Over and Out• How he’d break up with you

He’d do it right before he got shipped off. If you two had just started going together he probably would just ‘ghost’ you and you’d think he fell off the face of the earth. But if you two had been going for a while it would complicate things for him. He’s torn between leaving you a half assed phone call or breaking up with you to your face. While you’re at work/out of the house he’d pick up the things he had at your place leaving a very cliche ‘not you but me’ not on your kitchen counter. Maybe when he got back he’d answer you phone calls and meet you for coffee- but it’s very unlikely.

P • Protective vs Possessive

He’s a unhealthy mixture of both. Some of his protectiveness is quite sweet. He always makes sure to follow the sidewalk rule and walk a little bit behind you. He gives off scary guard dog energy and he makes sure to put it to good use. Someone’s making you uncomfortable. Glare so strong it’ll make your knees buckle. Other times it’s annoying, and it feels almost like he thinks of you as a child. “Careful around the oven.” Duh Simon. You’ll get random calls from his burner phone with him practically begging you to lock the doors and windows over the phone so he can hear it. He has minor OCD. Teaches you simple- yet uncommon self defense techniques and make sure you feel confident using a knife. His possessiveness comes from from his ego and is deeply intertwined with his protectiveness. He firmly believes that no one else can protect you like he can. Which is kinda true. You are his so it’s his job to protect you. This means he’ll probably put up a fight if you want to go somewhere without him, even if it’s just to go grab the mail. He’s no stranger to how horrible people can be- he’s guilty of it himself.

Q • Quick • How quick do they actually fall in love?

It happens at a normal pace. That doesn’t mean he knows it. It takes like five different people to point it out to him before he starts believing their right. All he knows is that he feels bad when he’s away from you and fucking fantastic when he’s with you. He finds that he works harder so mission goes by quicker. He finds that while he’s driving over to your place his cheeks start to burn, only then does he notice he’s been smiling since he’s started the engine. When he does finally admit it, it doesn’t cause him to rush into anything. The two of you may still be friends for a few months before he acts on it. He genuinely enjoys the foreign feeling of butterflies and warmth in his chest. Just let him soak in it.

R • Relationship history

He’s been in a few relationships, about five. He’s never been in love but he has loved someone. That person was there for him during a tough time in his life (his father leaving and his brother trying to get sober) and he was there for them too during their own rough patch. It lasted a little more than a year and they both mutually decided that they would make better friends. Neither of them ever kept in touch. The other relationships would always last about 3-5 months. Mostly something to take his mind off of work when he was home. He enjoyed being with them but it just never worked out.

S • Sentimental

He is sentimental. He still has a soft spot for the outfit you wore on their first date and no matter how old it is he insists that you keep it. He will frequently drive past important places to the two of you. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are always so soft as he remembers whatever it was that happened there. He’ll never admit it but if you ever decided to make him a scrapbook/photo album he’d probably cry.

T • Tidy • What’s it like living with him?

He’s honestly a pretty wonderful roommate. It’s been drilled into his head order and routine. He cleans for about 10 minutes every morning, simple things like wipe down the kitchen, dust the living room, throw a load of laundry in. He finds great calmness in repetitive tasks. Clutter makes it hard for him to focus and it seriously makes his skin itch. He does hate vacuuming though so hopefully you’ll take that over for him. He’s also a decent cook, nothing fancy, but they are very much comfort meals. Steak with potatoes, stews, spaghetti, things like that. It’ll take him a while to get use to living with you, but it makes him feel safe. His favorite time of day is when both of you are settling into bed, mumbling things you just remembered about your day, his chin resting on top of your head, just being completely absorbed in you. Moments like these are things he never thought he could- or really deserved to have.

U • Ultimate • the ultimate way to weasel your way into his heart

The quickest way to Simon’s heart is honestly just paying attention to him. You notice when he’s feeling upset and instead of brushing him off as grumpy you take time out of your day to make him feel better. You had a rough day and say the only way it could be better is by him making you a cup of his famous tea- he’s melted. He shows up to a gathering and you show genuine excitement about his presence- might marry you right there. You were out shopping and bought a little something for him because it reminded you of him- someone sedate him. He knows he’s a tough nut to crack so when someone actually puts in the effort to get to know him it always shakes him to his core. You- someone who could have almost anyone- want him?

V • Vacation

His favorite vacations are small two-three day ones. Maybe both of you book a hotel a few towns over and spend the weekend exploring the quaint little town? Traveling takes a lot out of him. It sounds a bit silly given his profession but he isn’t the biggest fan of planes. In his defense he’s know some pilots who should definitely have their license revoked. Since he’s legally dead there are a few hoops to jump through when flying international. (Thankfully Price is the paperwork master) He also isn’t a fan of all the plannnning. Ugh. If you wanted to get him on a real week long vacation the whole thing will have to be a guided tour and he wants to have a buzz for most of it.

W • Wait • how long will they wait to marry you?

About three- four years. Small wedding. He refuses to say vows out loud but will absolutely write some and let you read them after the ceremony. Fighting back tears. He is actually invested in the planning portion of it- especially the cake. Price officiates the wedding and would absolutely walk you down the aisle if you requested. Johnny is best man. Gaz is the flower girl and the DJ. Your reception is fucking amazing (thanks Johnny) and you have the best wedding album ever.

X • eXtra

If you want this man in a pile of mush please for the love of god skim your fingers over his jaw and chin. It’s a sensitive area for him because it’s covered half the time and it’s also a way he self soothes. When he’s stressed or nervous he’ll rub at it and it really does physically calm him. It’s also a great way to get him to sleep or back to sleep on nights he’s struggling.

Y • You • How often does he think about you while he’s away?

With his job he is easily distracted. Nights away from you are hell though. He literally sleeps with one of your shirts. He has it balled up and tucked under his chin and tries his best to imagine it’s your head.

Z • Zzzzz

He likes to go to bed early and wake up early. He naturally runs cold- despite his size- and he needs the room like a meat locker to sleep. Big fluffy comforters are something that he absolutely indulges in. The two do you are pressed together all night to keep warm. He wears socks to sleep- fight him. He also wears a pair of tight boxers (he likes to be compressed) and a loose t shirt. He loves skin to skin contact, if he has a chance of being pressed against you naked you could probably get him to turn the thermostat up to a normal temperature. He doesn’t snore often but when he does it’s growly like a grizzly bear. He is a light sleeper so anytime you move or a loud car goes by he will wake up. It’s never too difficult to fall back asleep though. He does suffer from night terrors. You can tell when his having one because his body heat will rise and he’ll start to twitch in his sleep. At first he was very snippy when you tried to soothe him but that’s just because he was embarrassed. Eventually he comes to crave some of your touches to bring him back down to earth.

Hope you all liked this. If you don’t agree with anything you see here that’s fine too! This took me a ridiculously long time but I throughly enjoyed it. I’m debating on whether I should do Soap or Price next.

[flowerpotmage]

Tight Grip, Broken Dam (7)

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You don’t question it anymore, when Miguel appears in your bed at night. He’s not there for sex, no, you’ve never even kissed—though you would be lying if you said you weren’t open to the idea of kissing him. He’s there for comfort. For rest. If only it could stay so simple.

Pair: Miguel O'Hara & GN!Reader

Notes: for series: slow burn, ambiguous relationship, found family dynamics, reader is in their late 20s. for chapter: no warnings. allusions to loss and grief.

Word Count: 3.8k

Read this chapter on Ao3 here. If you like my work, please consider leaving kudos there as well! You do not need an account to do so.

“You should come have dinner with me and MJ,” Peter declares, the two of you hanging by webs and fingertips from the side of a building where you wait to spot this dimension’s Spider-Man.

You whip your head to look at him, waving your hand. “Peter, are you even looking?”

“It’s been a while, and she’s been asking about you,” he says, undeterred.

“This better not be some half-cocked scheme to get me and Miguel in the same room.”

“Nope,” he says, putting up a hand as if swearing his innocence in court. “I completely respect that the two of you are being totally weird and avoiding each other for no reason.”

It’s not that you’re avoiding Miguel, exactly. It’s more that you don’t know what you would even say to him if you had the opportunity to really speak. It’s at least partially because you don't like the idea of approaching someone and being the one to start a conversation about them apologizing to you. Perhaps also because while the two of you had had that not-so-long-ago period of sleeping together—actually sleeping—the two of you had never talked about any of it. It was always work, or sharing grief, or quiet domesticity with quite little actually said.

You realize that you have never even seen where he lives.

So… okay, maybe you were avoiding him.

“I’m not avoiding him,” you say.

“Yeah, uh-huh,” Peter says dismissively. “Come by for dinner.”

“Whatever, fine,” you say. “But only because I like MJ and she’s never done me wrong.”

“Great!”

“Spidey, two o’clock,” you nod your head at a streak of electric blue and cherry red.

“Yup,” Peter says, and the two of you swing off to introduce yourselves.

What you don’t tell Peter, what you don’t tell anyone, is how much you miss Miguel’s presence in your daily life. In your nightly life.

When you go to bed, feeling just that much lonelier in your empty apartment and craving comfort after long nights swinging through your city and/or the multiverse, you often find yourself cuddling up to your pillows. It’s become a new routine for you to wrap one in your arms and press it to your chest, as if the softness of it can fill and soothe the ache around your heart.

In Miguel’s fantasies he has the perfect apology. In his more ridiculous ones he appears in your apartment, or you appear in his. A beautiful speech pours from his lips, ending in a bone crushing hug and him back in your good graces, and then he–

In Miguel’s fantasies he’s not a coward.

Instead, he works in his lab and goes on more missions. He’s antsy, restless, falling back into old habits previously tempered by secret soft nighttime visits. He knows it’s starting to come to the attention of others in the Spider-Society, if the rumors that his slightly more snappish than usual mood is because of the multiverse becoming increasingly more unstable (it’s not) is anything to go by, or even the few Spider-People that have begun to theorize he was dumped by a secret lover.

Which he wasn't. Obviously.

“You need to take a break, man,” Peter says. It’s one of the few occasions that he’s not in that stupid shocking pink bathrobe, having just returned from another recruitment mission with you.

You, who isn’t there when Peter brings the newest Spider-Man recruit to meet Miguel, despite being part of the mission.

“I’m fine,” Miguel says, voice stern.

Peter is undeterred. “I’m not suggesting you take a break from work altogether. I’m just saying, maybe you can get a little rest.”

Miguel sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe spend some time around people, outside of the lab? Y’know, get out for a minute.”

Miguel turns his back to Peter, shaking his head.

Peter continues, undeterred. “Maybe you should come by for dinner with me and the missus.”

“I’m not going to a dinner party in your dimension, and definitely not in your home.”

“Not a party!” Peter says, hands up. “Just dinner with the family. Come on. I know you like Mayday, it’ll be relaxing. Normal.”

Miguel wants to fire back with ‘I would hardly describe your presence as relaxing,’ but instead he says “If I agree to go, will you get out of my lab?”

“You got it, boss,” Peter says, and Miguel can hear the smile in his voice before he even turns to glare at him over his shoulder.

“Honey, are you sure this is a good idea?”

Mary Jane is taking plates down from the cabinet to set the table as Peter pulls Mayday off of the face of the fridge.

“Of course it's a good idea, I came up with it.” He replies lightheartedly, turning to face his wife with a soft, warm smile as May gums at the collar of his casual button up shirt. “Trust me. They need this.”

The doorbell rings.

MJ raises an eyebrow at him, a look that clearly says I have my doubts but I love you so I’ll support your harebrained scheme. Out loud, she says: “I’ll get the door.”

Peter nods in thanks, bouncing their daughter in his arms. MJ leaves the kitchen, and his ears track her to the front door and the sound of it opening.

“Miguel!” He hears her say warmly. “You’re right on time, please come in.”

“Thank you Mrs Parker.”

“Really, MJ is fine. Mrs Parker makes me feel old,” she laughs and Peter hears the door shut. “What do you have there?”

“I wasn’t sure if you were back to drinking wine so I brought coffee. I figure newer parents can always benefit from the wake up.”

Peter smiles. Miguel may give every impression of being a hardass—because he is, he reminds himself—but he’s a thoughtful one as well.

“That’s so thoughtful!” MJ says. “Here, I’ll put it away. Go ahead and have a seat, dinner should be ready in just about fifteen minutes.”

MJ returns to the kitchen with a bag of coffee beans and a pointed look at Peter.

“Thank you, honey,” Peter says and quickly gives her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Mhm,” she says, playfully stern. “Now go out there while I finish cooking for three whole Spider-People.”

“You’re incredible, have I mentioned that?” Peter smiles at her as he walks backwards to the kitchen door.

“I wouldn’t complain about hearing it more,” she replies, turning her attention to the stove. “Now go!”

Peter slips out of the kitchen and right into the dining room, where Miguel is sitting at his dining table, looking entirely out of place.

“Mr. Boss-Man, so glad you could make it!” Peter greets enthusiastically, pulling Mayday’s high chair up to the end of the table, right beside the chair where he plans to sit later on. “MJ’s a great cook, you won’t regret it.”

“I remember,” Miguel says flatly.

“Ha, right,” Peter says, remembering all of the grief-food he had delivered to Miguel on MJ’s behalf not long before Mayday was born. “Well, it’s gonna be a great time.”

Miguel clearly suppresses a sigh, and if his exhale is slightly bigger or louder than usual Peter makes no comment.

The doorbell rings, and Miguel looks at Peter with a frown.

“Oh, I’ve got it, don’t worry,” Peter passes Mayday to Miguel, ignoring the suspicious frown growing more and more prominent across his face.

Mayday now safely in Miguel’s capable hands and babbling happily, Peter books it out of the dining room and down the foyer to the front door of his house, feet stepping lightly even in his hurry. He reaches the door and swings it open just as the doorbell rings again.

“Hey!” he greets your surprised face, your hand still on the doorbell.

“Jesus, hi,” you laugh, lowering your arm, and holding out the gift in your other hand. “I don’t know if you guys are drinking wine, but I figured you wouldn’t mind having a bottle on hand for later, right?”

Peter just about manages not to let out a barking laugh. “That’s very thoughtful. Here, come on in.” He moves aside so you can step through the door, and once you’re in the hall he closes it with a click. He pauses for a half a second, considering whether he should do the extra lock to delay any escape attempts—

“Oh, it smells great!” you call into the house, and Peter flips the bolt lock shut.

“Ha, doesn’t it?” He replies in an only somewhat forced cheery tone, hurrying after you.

“Thanks for inviting m–” you turn into the dining room, stopping dead in your tracks just inside the threshold.

Peter quickly steps into the doorway behind you, peering past you to see Miguel staring at you like a deer in headlights. That is, until he sees Peter behind you and his face steels into one of well-hidden nearly murderous intent.

Yup, handing Mayday over to him before this was definitely the right call.

You’re still frozen in the doorway, so Peter puts a hand on your shoulder and begins to steer you towards the chair at the table opposite Miguel’s.

“Food should be ready any second now!” Peter says in what he hopes is a bright and casual voice, removing his hand from your shoulder when you finally drop down into your chair with a soft thump. He steps around to his side of the table, on the end between and perpendicular to you and Miguel.

And, oof. You’re hiding it well, but Peter can still see the tension in your shoulders and the look of I am so going to kill you dead you give him, communicated through just slightly widened eyes and a pointed smile.

He definitely made the right call putting Mayday’s highchair between you and him.

Peter is so dead. So unbelievably and entirely dead.

Across from you, Miguel radiates… something. You’re sure your own high-running emotions are poisoning the room with a toxic cloud, the unidentifiable static charge from the man across the table gearing up to turn the clash of your feelings into a summer storm, lightning and roiling clouds and all.

How the fuck did the two of you get here? You can almost understand why Peter decided to interfere.

You swallow, looking down at the table, at the decor of the dining room, at Peter, at May as she passes from Miguel’s hands—damn, you forgot how big they are (focus!) —to Peter’s, anywhere but at Miguel himself.

“So,” you ask. “What are we eating?”

MJ’s voice calls your name in greeting from the kitchen door behind you, and you turn in your seat to watch as she enters with a steaming dish of roast vegetables.

“Seasoned roast veggies,” she says, placing the dish on the table with a smile. She glances from Miguel back to you, and the corner of her mouth tilts into something apologetic. “And rice, with optional chicken. Also, salad.”

“Do you need help getting it?” you ask.

“Sure!”

You get up from your seat with nary a glance at Miguel or Peter, and follow Mary Jane back into the kitchen.

Immediately she whispers to you when you slyly huddle by the stove to grab the last dishes. She takes the salad, and you take the rest.

“I tried to talk him out of it.”

You sigh, and it comes out as a weary chuckle through your nose, whispering back, “I don’t doubt that you did–”

“But not that hard. I kind of agree with him.”

“Wh-?”

“Just stick it out through dinner, alright?”

Baffled, you nod, and are left with no choice but to follow her back into the dining room.

Most of the conversation over dinner is between MJ, yourself, and Peter. Miguel eats quietly, asking MJ the occasional question about her work when it comes up, and then falling quiet again when you and her get into commiserating about working in the creative field.

All in all… It’s not a terrible night. You’d even be able to enjoy it more, if only you could relax and take the edges of your mind off of the man sitting across from you.

And you can feel it when he continually glances at you.

Beside you May yawns in her chair.

“I should put her down for the night,” Peter says, standing.

“I’ll take care of it this time, honey,” MJ says, also rising from her seat. “Why don’t you clean the table up, see if our guests want to take any home?”

You avert your eyes as Peter hands May over and the couple exchanges a chaste, sweet kiss.

“You got it.”

“Why don’t the two of you sit in the living room? It's probably more comfortable,” MJ suggests, turning to you and Miguel, adjusting May in her arms.

Miguel watches you from the corner of his eye when you nod and stand from the table. He follows your example, walking a safe distance behind you to the living room where you watch MJ go up the stairs, leaving the two of you alone.

Miguel takes a moment to observe the room. So far Peter and Mary Jane’s home is as clean and simple as he remembers, without sacrificing any sense of comfort or hominess. Pictures line the hearth above the fireplace, and art hangs over the couch. The space is lit by soft yellow light from a floor lamp in the corner.

The main change is the amount of children’s belongings scattered and half-heartedly tidied throughout the room.

Neither you nor Miguel sit like Mary Jane had suggested. Instead, he stands stiffly by the window, and you linger by the photos, as far from each other as you can manage.

“I don’t…”

He tenses, like he’s ready to take a physical blow, turning to look further out the window.

“I just—Getting hurt is part of the job,” you finally snap, frustration palpable in your voice.

He knows this. He’s almost embarrassed that you think he needs reminding.

“It wasn't even serious,” you continue.

He bows his head, unable to find words he’s willing to say. Shock, he wishes he could, if only to kill the hurt silence swelling like a bubble and pressing against his back.

“I don’t… I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue working here if you…” you sigh, the new shake in his voice sticks in him in the way he imagines his talons feel to those he fights. “If you don’t trust me, if you don’t think I can handle–”

He turns around to face you finally, and whatever you see in his face makes your expression of hurt soften into another kind of pain— sympathy.

He stares at you. Shock, he doesn't know what to do with his arms, but he settles for crossing them over his ribs; a shield protecting the contents of his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you say, so quiet and so shocking soft.

Softer than he’s earned without yet apologizing.

“I owe you an apology.”

You frown slightly, a wealth of emotions mixing together on your face like swirling ocean currents. He can’t help but let his eyes wander over them, the cold current of lingering hurt colliding and mixing with warm sympathy, the strange stillness of caution swallowing both up under a smooth wave.

“I…” he starts, swallowing, glancing away. “I'm sorry. For what I said.” He looks back at you at the end of his sentence, the next words coming easier, knowing he could say them with ease to any other Spider-Person, but not meaning them any less in this moment. “I know you’re capable. And that you can handle yourself.” It’s a far cry from the apologies in his fantasies, but it’s a start.

The bubble doesn't burst, but it begins to deflate. The stillness changes; he doesn't recognize what it is. It leaves his stomach on legs unused to rocky ships at sea. What was the word they used in that old-timey holo from the 2000s? Landlubber?

“Thank you, Miguel.”

He nods, looking away again.

“That must have been pretty hard for you, huh?”

He snaps his head back to look at you, only to find you smiling slightly.

You’re joking, he realizes. You’re teasing him, testing the murky waters.

“You can only imagine,” he responds dryly, the corner of his mouth twitching.

It feels too easy but he thinks, he hopes, that you’ve forgiven him.

Just to make sure, he pulls in a deeper breath, and says in a far softer and more earnest voice than before; “I’m sorry.”

Your lips part slightly, your arms lowering to your sides as you turn to face him. You pull in a breath, eyes unsure and searching his own. He can’t look away, and you open your mouth to speak–

The clang that interrupts is nearly as startling as a cannon.

“It’s all good! I’m okay!” Peter calls from the kitchen.

“Qué idiota,” Miguel mutters, shaking his head and turning away again.

You close your mouth, shaking your head and laughing. “Did you want to kill him as much as I did tonight?”

“You have no idea,” he replies with a sidelong glance at you. He pauses, his eyes trailing over your form, your clothes, and then it slips from his lips in a quiet voice before he knows he’s even thought the words: “You look nice.”

“Oh, uh,” you lift your hand to gently scratch your neck, looking away with a sheepish smile. “You too. I don’t think I’ve really seen you in anything besides your suit, or those pajamas.”

Miguel hums, looking away. “I wasn’t sure if I had clothes appropriate for dinner in this dimension.”

“Well, you look nice anyway,” you say again, so quietly it’s almost a mumble, gentle as a wave brushing over fine sand. But he hears it, and he can’t help the slight smile that blooms on his lips, even as he ducks his head.

You both turn at the creak on the stairs.

“You can come down, MJ,” you call, just loud enough to be heard but still clearly mindful of the sleeping baby upstairs.

“I didn’t want to interrupt,” she says, stepping down into the living room. “Should have known I couldn’t sneak up on you two.” She glances between the two of you, and Miguel can see her taking note of his more relaxed posture and your small smile.

You give her a subtle nod, and she smiles warmly.

“Great! Well, I’m going to see if Peter’s almost done with cleanup.”

Miguel watches as MJ slips from the room, his eyes flicking to you where you still stand by the mantelpiece with your gaze on the framed pictures as you absentmindedly pick at your nails.

“Do you have any pictures like these?” he asks, eyes fixing on the way your smile turns gray and slightly sad.

You glance at him and he quickly brings his eyes up to yours.

“I used to think they were dumb,” you say, looking back at the photos of Peter and his family. “I wouldn’t let my dad take pictures because I hated how I looked in them, and it just felt embarrassing. I don’t know.”

Miguel’s videos of Gabriella immediately come to mind, and his heart squeezes in his chest.

“Now I get it,” you continue quietly, hand resting on the mantel.

Miguel follows your gaze, too see you’ve rested your hand next to a framed photo of Peter with his aunt. He’s young in this one, his nose still straight and skin untouched by time and stress, and he’s dressed in some sort of black robe and a scroll tied in a ribbon is in one hand.

“You don’t have any?”

You shake your head. “I have a few. But it doesn’t seem like enough, now.”

When you and Miguel finally leave, it’s with each of you bearing decent sized containers of leftovers. You could both leave through your own portals via the living room, but having arrived via the front door it only seems proper to exit the same way.

You get the sense that Miguel appreciates the normality of it, at least.

After MJ and Peter wave their farewells and close their front door, you find yourself on the sidewalk with Miguel. The warm yellow light of the streetlamp does little to warm the actual air around you, the deep blue chill of the night wrapping around you both. But you don’t mind it.

“So,” you shift from one foot to the other. “Which way are you headed?”

Miguel pauses, eyes lingering across your face before he moves his head to indicate a direction. “There’s a school that way.”

You nod. “Smart. Empty at night. Good for mysterious interdimensional travelers.”

You grin when your quip earns a small huff of amusement, and the two of you begin walking in silence. You’ve walked to the end of the street when you break the silence again.

“How have you been sleeping?”

Miguel glances at you from the corner of his eye, before he steps into the street to cross it. “Fine.”

You try to ignore the little jolt in your stomach that his glance causes.

“Miguel’s quality of sleep has been consistently poor, for at least–”

Miguel makes a frustrated noise, covering his watch. “Yes, thank you Lyla.”

You look up at him, crossing the road by his side. He glances around over your head, ever watchful and cautious, before he catches you looking in the corner of his eye and turns his whole face to look at you.

“What?”

“I mean… I don’t know if you’d like to, but you can still visit. I mean– You know.”

“I… appreciate that. Thank you.”

Silence, again, as you walk the remainder of the way to the school, finding a spot between two buildings to open your respective portals.

“I’ll see you at work, probably?”

Miguel nods, you turn away to open your portal home, and then a soft call of your name turns you back to face him once again.

The orange glow of your portal behind you washes over the scene, covering everything in a soft glow even as reality around it seems to flicker and shiver. Miguel stands several feet away, but he has that same look on his face from earlier in Peter and MJ’s living room.

Sadness. Exhaustion. Worry.

You swallow around the sudden lump in your throat, feet itching to close the distance, and then you are, and your arms are around his waist and his are around your shoulders and his face is buried in your hair.

When you finally pull back, he looks even more tired than before, as if he can’t manage to put the mask back on.

“Come on,” you whisper, nodding your head towards the portal.

When you step through the portal home, Miguel follows close behind.

<< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >>

[one-idea]

Speaking of Deuce I know in my heart that when it got out that Ace is Roger's son the WG tried to change his bounty poster to Gold Ace, like not even writing it the correct way. And I know that Deuce has the biggest vendetta against that shit, like "IF THEY DO THAT IS JUST REWRITING THE PUBLIC NARRATIVE TO FIT THEIR IDEALS OF COLLECTIVE PUNISHMENT AND DISMISSING HIS PERSONHOOD". Ace's poster still says Portgas D in the timeskip because Deuce, Olivia and Sabo kept getting rid of all of the Gold ones and the Marines got fed up with having to print new ones every time

I love this!

No chosen names are such a big thing for Deuce and Ace.

I can imagine Deuce siting there worried about his friend. Knowing he just lost his little brother who he loved so much. And there is nothing Deuce can do for him. He’s paper that he’s so proud of couldn’t sway the public in time to save Luffy. (He had such short notice, there was no way he could have, but that doesn’t matter to him) he doesn’t know where Ace is, he can’t support him.

And to top it all off someone spilled Ace’s closest secret to the world government.

Deuce is sitting there feeling like all his work is meaningless if he can’t help the people he cares about when someone (probably Olivia) slams Ace’s new bounty on his desk. Normally he’s trilled when Ace’s bounty comes out. He knows Ace loves when his bounty goes up. (And he totally doesn’t have a collection of Ace’s bounty posters)

But this one is different. Ace is still standing there with the same smirk as always (it’s the same picture as always) but the name is wrong. Gold Ace is brazenly printed across the poster.

“If they’re going to be blatantly disrespectful, they could at least spell it right.” Olivia says with a sneer. But it’s white noise to Deuce because, How. Dare. They. How dare they put a name on Ace he obviously didn’t want. How dare they use a name Ace had worked so hard to distance himself from.

Deuce is furious. His true name isn’t known to anyone. Not the Revs, not the reverse crew, not even Ace (he didn’t want to know after Deuce told him he rejected it) Ace is the one who dubbed him Deuce. Who created his new name Masked Deuce. The name the world knows. It’s his name! He would be livid if the World Government tried to tie his brith name to his current life. He rejected it and his family.

Ace did much the same. He chose to go by Portagas because he loves his mom. Deuce knew the name was important to Ace. Whether it was a decision made to hide his connection to Roger didn’t matter to Deuce. No one had the right to make Ace go by a name he didn’t want.

Add on to that it’s to fit the world’s government’s narrative of punishing sons for the sins of their fathers. That it puts Ace’s life in jeopardy for something he didn’t do.

Oh Deuce is hopping mad.

“So what are we going to do about this?” Olivia asked as she watched the rage build across Deuces face. He turned to face her with nothing but righteous furry.

He thought of the brilliant orange flames that often danced around Ace. “We’re going to burn them to the ground.” This he can do. He couldn’t help Ace at Marineford and he can’t be with him in the aftermath. But he can do this.

He’s publishing story after story highlighting PORTAGAS D. ACE and his accomplishment. He’s doing research about what Gol D Rogers was actually like (incase Ace ever does want the name) Sabo and Olivia help him destroy every copy of that stupid wanted poster. (He keeps one, 1) because it enrages him and reminded him what he’s working to prevent, 2) incase one day Ace wants it, even if it’s just to burn it himself)

He figures out where the World government is printing them from and raises it to the ground. No more posters for them! The world government finally relents when he sends them the correct poster (same increase bounty right name) and offers to stop burning all their bounty if they will just print the right one. They have to give in, he’s destroying all of their bounty poster, how are they suppose to bring in anyone if no one knows who to look for.

It his the price on Deuces own head but he’s more than pleased with the resulting new bounty that reads Portagas D. Ace. It’s worth it.

He hopes Ace never had to see the Bounty with the wrong name, no reason to add that to his plate when he’s already dealing with enough.

[rainbowsky]

GG Esquire Cover Story

A lot of people have written me about the cover story GG did for Esquire magazine. There have been some interesting responses in my inbox, many of which have baffled me a bit, to be honest.

People have asked me for my thoughts on it all, so here they are! 😊

I've been picking away at this for ages, sorry it's coming so far after publication of the article. I have a few things like this in my drafts that are taking me a while to finish writing. I don't have the sustained resources to work on things for very long at a stretch these days.

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an OPINION piece - my take on the article. I have no special insight, and everyone is free to form their own perspectives and responses. Don't take what I say as fact. It's just one opinion among many.

The photos

I have to start out by talking about the photos, because they truly set the tone for (and perfectly illustrate) the article.

These are not the typical magazine spread photos that a lot of fans are used to seeing. Here GG is practically unstyled. The GG you would see in his downtime. His hair is tousled, his clothing is very casual. His poses are also very casual. He looks like he could be just hanging around his hotel room scrolling through his phone.

These photos are such a gift. They feel so fresh and candid and relaxed. Total Boy Next Door. I absolutely love them.

What a relief to see these photos. Nothing ostentatious or overstyled, nothing aggressively brand-forward (some of what he is wearing is his own personal clothing). Just GG. I nearly fainted. 😅

The article

The original article can be found here, and there is a fan translation here.

My relief in seeing these sweet, casual photos of GG was matched only by my relief in reading the article.

To be honest I'm rarely very excited about the sorts of interviews or stories that accompany these types of magazine covers. They are generally fan servicey puff pieces that cater to a certain type of reader - the kind of people who want to become more invested in an idol fantasy.

They tend to be fairly overtly PR pieces, aimed at positioning the idol in an appealing and often romantic, personable way that makes them more accessible to their fans.

I have often been dismissive of interview statements that other fans have taken to heart, which has caused some friction at times, but what can I say? I think a lot of what's typically covered is awkward, fake and fan servicey. I talk a little bit about that in this post.

I didn't go into reading this article with any particular expectation, except that my expectations were low and I wasn't expecting any surprises. But, much to my surprise, I found a smart, interesting, poetic, uncompromising look at a side of GG that we've rarely seen.

My biggest takeaway from this article was that GG wanted to dampen, rather than fan the flames of, fan fantasies about him; to give people a more realistic sense of who he is and what he's about.

I have rarely been prouder of him than when reading this article. It feels like with this interview he is setting boundaries and putting his honest self forward despite expectations and even demands about who he should be and what he should represent.

Sidebar Rant About Fan Culture

Sometimes I see GG's life as being like an episode of Black Mirror. He is a protagonist who has been strangled by his own fame, in some ways held hostage by people who believe that they made him who he is and put him where he is (despite the role they've frequently played in holding him back).

The situation for stars at his level is pretty crazy. Fans genuinely believe that they know better than their idols what is best for them and their careers, and they will - totally unironically and with a straight face - deliver lists of demands and conditions to their idol and their idol's management team that they expect to be met if the star hopes to maintain their love and support.

These demands can be quite detailed. How they want the management team to be structured, the types of projects they want the artist to take, the types of statements they want their idol to make, etc. It's insane.

And GG's fans have been especially difficult, because they are very deeply invested in old school ideas about fan culture that are no longer viable in the current climate. Pushing traffic, 'comment control' and 'clarification' (aka fan wars), attacking anyone they perceive to be a rival or opportunist or anyone they believe isn't treating GG how they think he should be treated (despite having no access whatsoever to verified information about how he's being treated - i.e. it's all based on their assumptions). Using dirty - even dangerous - tactics to try to harm rival fandoms, regardless of how much that puts GG at risk.

Despite the fact that their behavior has caused problems for him in the past. Despite the fact that he has repeatedly begged them to stop behaving the way they do. Despite the fact that his career has nearly been killed by this type of behavior. Despite the fact that there has been a seismic shift in how fan culture is being treated in China, and despite the policies that have been put in place to curtail some of that behavior. They just don't seem to have gotten the memo.

They have learned absolutely nothing from their past mistakes.

Increasingly, they do not seem to have his deeper interests at heart. At times they appear to be supporting him for their own vanity, clout and sense of accomplishment rather than genuinely loving him for who he is. They seem to take more pride in their ability to bring traffic, out-vote other fandoms and move brand merchandise than in who this sweet, smart man is and what he does.

They actively push some of the most toxic, hateful ideas you can find in fandom. They are some of the key drivers behind the whole 'desperate illiterate' hate campaign against DD, and in so doing put both GG and DD's careers at risk. They are constantly spreading hate and lies about DD and trying to bring scandal upon him. Any time an anti-DD campaign surfaces online, they jump on it and fuel it to the best of their ability.

These are people who have had so many opportunities to grow and change, and emulate GG's kindness and maturity, but have repeatedly failed the assignment.

Being a star can't be easy

I often wonder how GG really feels about his fans. How much of the fan culture mayhem he's fed up with, and how much of it he's taken in stride as part of the job. I know it drives me crazy, but he's obviously got a better perspective on it all and would be a lot more accustomed to it all.

As I said in a previous post, I think we need to treat the idea that he absolutely adores his fans with some degree of skepticism. There's a very real noose around his neck, and that can't feel great. I personally believe he wants to loosen that hold a bit.

With this article GG seems to be saying, "Here I am. Support me or move on, but this is the real me."

He seems to be setting some boundaries and giving fans a glimpse behind the curtain at the real him. He is challenging them to accept him for who he really is, or move on.

I feel like he is taking cautious steps toward loosening some of the stranglehold fans have over his career.

GG is a smart, savvy person. I have no doubt that he is well aware of the assumptions about him. I don't think it was an accident that this interview broke down some of those assumptions.

I love him so much. He continually blows me away with how sharp and tough he is.

Disillusionment and growth

Of course, that's not the entire story of the article. There is some alienation and loneliness here. Frustration and struggle with identity.

One of the most powerful lines in the entire article was when he said that he works for this Xiao Zhan guy as well. When he talks about not knowing anymore which GG is real and which is the persona.

"There are two Xiao Zhans, one of them is here, that’s me. There is another Xiao Zhan, the Xiao Zhan in quotes, but he is probably not me anymore. We are all working for him, including myself."

I admit I was surprised by how fractured he sounded. Not surprised that some of this has happening - that is totally to be expected given his fame - but surprised that he'd talk so openly about it. He's not normally so candid about his personal experience of fame, or about its emotional/psychological impacts on him. In his post-2/27 interviews he brushed off any notion of the emotional burden it was placing on him, for example, even though it would have been understandable had he admitted it.

What stands out to me in all of this is how powerfully he is distancing himself from his idol image and showing a mature, serious, in many ways ordinary person. How boldly he is reminding the audience that there is more to him than meets the eye.

Some might read that as cynical and jaded - the star who is playing the game by performing a role that's separate from himself. I read it as the opposite. I read it as self-actualizing and self-preserving. He doesn't believe his own hype. He is just doing a job, working for this persona, while maintaining his own integrity and independence despite all the pressure to perform and be perfect.

The mountain was such a powerful image. Climbing the mountain as a child and seeing it as this nearly insurmountable ordeal, and then later as an adult feeling like he can take a couple of long strides and be at the top. It is such a metaphor for his career and his success. And that speaks of a certain amount of demystification and disillusionment surrounding his dreams.

It was reminiscent of the line, "Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true" from The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell.

Certain jobs, when taken on, become something completely different from what we thought we signed up for.

I have often been asked why I don't open a restaurant. I always jokingly give them this very earnest and serious answer, "Because I like to cook."

If I were to open a restaurant, food would be among the least of my concerns every day. I would have to deal with marketing, I would have to deal with staff and the day-to-day running of the facility, supplies, vendor relationships, finances and management. Food would be very low on the list of things I'd have time to concern myself with.

I feel like the same has happened for GG. He thought he was becoming a singer or an actor, when it turns out he was becoming a celebrity instead. Those are totally different jobs, with totally different demands, activities and limitations.

He enjoys taking on new roles and learning new things and expanding on his skills and working on interesting projects. I doubt very much that he enjoys managing a persona, or navigating fan expectations, or addressing yet another fan-created scandal. I doubt very much he enjoys being held to the standards the top traffic star position puts him under. I doubt he enjoys the restrictions it places on his career or on his personal life.

I doubt he enjoys the limitations on what he is able to show of himself in that job.

Having the kind of job where you have to hang up your personality at the door like an overcoat every day when you walk in - that's a lonely, lonely world to be in. Soul-destroying.

I have long felt that this situation isn't sustainable for GG over the long term. I have wondered what he will do to shift things into a more comfortable, more stable existence for himself. I feel like this article gives me some ideas about that. And it is a relief to read because I get the sense that he is fully aware of that problem, and working to address it for himself so that he can continue doing what he most enjoys - acting and performing.

We have all had these theories - I'm sure most of us have, anyway - that he is trying to shed the idol image, the 'traffic star' image at least to some degree so that he can be accepted as a serious actor with a serious career.

This is a common career path for idols who want to stay in the industry past their idol shelf life. But it's one thing to believe GG might be working on that, and another to feel like I can see him taking brave steps in that direction.

Some surprises, some not

There were some things that surprise me from this interview, and some things that I was not surprised by.

One thing that really stood out to me is how much his real personality shines through. The smart, witty, intense GG we've all seen in The Untamed BTS and in some of his XNINE activities. It was a surprise. I guess I was expecting to see the persona GG - not the real GG. It was so good to see him that I nearly got choked up.

This is the GG that is very no bullshit; blunt and honest. This was the GG who outed DD for using his own meme pictures or for sending him too many selfies. This is the GG who firmly stated he wanted the het scenes deleted. The GG who was very forthright, clever and affectionately prickly with his XNINE brothers.

GG has said in the past that he is not as sweet and sentimental as his fans think he is, that behind the scenes he can actually be ruthless and demanding. This is the GG we've caught glimpses of and that he is talking about in that statement. The real, unvarnished GG.

I didn't dare hope that he would be so candid. He is usually so image-conscious. Not 'fake' by any means, but conscious of how he is coming across and careful not to offend. But in this article he has brought himself unapologetically to the forefront and for that I love and applaud him.

Another surprise for me was when he was talking about how he handles his inner struggles. I was surprised when he said that he doesn't like to talk through his problems. I had always assumed that - as a very authentic, emotionally intelligent, compassionate, personable person - he would be the kind of guy who would reach out to others during times of need.

Instead he said that he doesn't like to talk about his issues. He had such clear and rational explanations for why that even though I can't relate to his approach, I can understand it. This approach can be interpreted as self-contained, self-sufficient and pragmatic. 'If it can be fixed, fix it. If it can't, set it aside. No point talking about it.'

There's something very Zen about letting go of what you can't immediately change, rather than dwelling on it or digging into ruminations about it.

I also found his rationale for avoiding other people's confidences interesting. He 'doesn't want to be a suspect', he 'doesn't want to be burdened by other people's secrets'. I can definitely see how his approach could prevent people from getting caught up in each other's drama, and his mindset reflects healthy boundaries that can help preserve friendships.

I can see GG's characteristic cautious self-protectiveness in this approach. He's smart, strategic and - based on many things he's said in this interview - quite introverted. This approach serves all those aspects of his personality.

There's that old saying, "loose lips sink ships" and that is especially true for someone so much in the public eye. It's good that he has the sense to keep his mouth shut about personal things.

There is wisdom to that approach. It reminds me of the old nursery rhyme about the owl:

A wise old owl sat in an oak, The more he heard, the less he spoke; The less he spoke, the more he heard; Why can't we be more like that wise old bird?

Having said all that, I don't personally share the same view or the same approach in my own life. I am very much someone who likes to talk things through, and who likes to be a listening ear and a support to others as well.

I think there is a lot to be said for the way this type of communication can deepen relationships, help people better understand each other and become more bonded. Sharing burdens, sharing feelings, sharing confidences. It's riskier but the rewards can be significant.

A lot of the biggest problems in the world come from lack of communication or from crossed wires. Talking with others face to face is a great way to clear up confusion and help people stay connected and bonded.

Being the sort of person people can confide in and who talks about things that are on my mind - this really enriches my life. Although I feel like GG has done a great job of making his approach make sense to me, and even seem appealing in ways.

I want to caution people from over-interpreting these statements from him to assuming GG is uncommunicative with DD. As someone who lives with a partner who is exactly like GG when it comes to 'talking about things', I think it's highly likely that GG has a different approach with those few people who are closest to him. There's a pretty big difference between being emotionally and socially open with friends and colleagues, and being emotional and intimate with a partner.

An ordinary boy

The article focuses a lot on his childhood and some of the nostalgia and memories of his past. It's so interesting and illuminating to read about where he came from, and about the parts of that ordinary boy that survived through to adulthood. The geography of the city and the buildings are used as a metaphor for the changes in his life.

He started out in the factory district, in low grey concrete buildings full of vibrancy and activity, passed through a rainy uphill commute and ended up among shining glass skyscrapers. What a journey he has been on, and he's only 31 years old!

The fact that he's been able to maintain his integrity and authenticity and avoid being devoured by the persona - that's such a testament to his character. He really is the whole package. Smart, strong, determined, sweet, compassionate, ruthless, creative, introspective, pragmatic, down-to-earth, cautious. I have always appreciated his breadth as a person. He is very multi-dimensional.

I've talked about that a bit in the past. It's part of why I feel so frustrated sometimes when fans have really shallow, superficial, fan-fictiony takes on his personality. The sweet, soft-hearted aesthete. The tragic beleaguered victim. The playful, cute, dorky romantic. The sexy, saucy, light-hearted, effeminate artist.

None of these takes can even scratch the surface of who he really is. The more I know about him the less I think I know, but I at least know one thing: he's so much more than fans give him credit for.

Florist GG AU

I wasn't remotely surprised to hear that he sometimes thinks of quitting. Even fans sometimes daydream about him quitting. Getting his life back, getting his freedom back. Living a quieter life. Surely there are many times when he is reminded of everything he is sacrificing to do what he does. Times when it feels like too high a price to pay.

But reading this article, I can honestly say that I feel he is up to the task he's taken on. He really does know who he is and what he wants, and he has all of the integrity, emotional and psychological strength to make the most of this career.

My hope that he will start to shed some of the toxic traffic fans and build a stronger, more enduring, more rational fanbase. That he will begin to break free of the shackles of stratospheric popularity and settle into a more stable, satisfying career as a respected actor.

AND SINGER. PLEASE GG! 🥹

It was such a great article, and I feel like I got a glimpse of something new about him that I did not know, which is so rare. I feel like I've been gifted more insight into him, and I have so much gratitude for his willingness to share that with us all.

Regarding candy

A few people wrote me in a big panic over 'what this article meant' for GG and DD's relationship. They had worked themselves up into a state where they felt that if GG and DD were in a relationship, GG wouldn't have said or felt the things he did in the article.

Glass-hearted turtles will need to transform themselves into tortoise-shelled turtles, or they will not survive this fandom. And frankly, those kinds of takes on things sometimes reflect a lack of life experience or realistic understanding of GG and DD as ordinary humans in a relationship.

Some turtles seem to view everything from or about GG and DD as either proof that they're a couple, or proof they are not, with no neutral content and no in betweens. In short, they look at everything GG and DD-related to see what kind of candy it is. And the thing they need to get through their heads is

👉🏻 almost nothing from or about GG or DD will actually be a candy. 👈🏻

Anyone who has ever been in a serious long term relationship knows, there's actually very little about our day-to-day lives that revolves around our partner. My interests and hobbies, most of my social interactions, certainly everything about my work has absolutely nothing to do with my partner. He almost never comes up as a topic or factor in any of it.

And yet we are happily married, and have been for a long time.

As I am frequently saying, GG and DD are individuals first, a couple second. We need to love and respect them in that same order.

This article is about GG and his career. It's an important article about his inner life experience as a celebrity. It has absolutely nothing to do with DD. I find it baffling why anyone would expect it to.

If you are looking for candy, most of the time you will find no candy. If that causes you pain, you are in the wrong fandom. GG and DD aren't here to give us candy. They aren't here to prove anything. Nor should we be. They don't owe us anything. Certainly not 'proof of life' in their relationship.

If you read that article and didn't get that message, then you missed the entire point of the article. GG was saying to everyone, "I'm not just what people think they see, I'm not just what people expect or what they want me to be, underneath I'm a real human being."

Turtles who remember that, and who are able to love GG and DD as individuals, will be longer-lived and happier.

GG and DD's relationship is for and about them. It exists for each other, not for us. I've no doubt they appreciate the love and support turtles give them, but it's not their job to feed us. It's not their job to be trained ponies prancing around for our amusement. They don't owe us anything. Certainly not any candy about their relationship.

More on fan expectations and black-and-white thinking here.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Notorious Lord Knightly by Lorraine Heath

5/5. Releases 6/27/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Peak angst hours, people who adore each other but oof pain, defiantly proud heroines, and big "I was half a virgin when I met you" energy.

Knight--otherwise known as Lord Knightly--has an issue: there's an erotic memoir circulating around the ton by an anonymous source. And everyone thinks the "Lord K" that corrupted Anonymous in the book's pages is him. Bigger problem: it totally is him, and Anonymous happens to be Miss Regina Leyland, the woman he left at the altar five years ago. After years of avoiding Knight, Regina has had enough; but she can't be revealed as Anonymous, especially if she's to move on with her life and marry a good man. Knight offers to help her on that front--by publicly making nice with her, despite the fraught tension between them. But with every polite and platonic dance, Regina wants to claw Knight's eyes out--and fall into his arms. Both. Both is good.

MAN. Lorraine fuckin' Heath. I don't know if anyone does pure shots of emotion like her. There's just something about a book wherein you can feel how much the leads want each other, where you're actually thinking "Why can't they just figure this shit out and be together?" She does it so well.

Quick Takes:

--Regina Leyland is one of my favorite heroines, maybe ever? She's so proud and so wounded and self-righteous, and so like... in denial. She's not a nice girl who's just sitting there weeping over her broken heart, or a classy broad who's Risen Above in the five years she and Knight spent apart. Nah. She's pissed. And she should be! Her anger and the verbal lashings she gives Knight really serve to underscore how much she adored him and how much she gave him. Like, I don't know, I think we often see this tendency among romance readers to feel like heroines should just get over it. Because we are in the mind of a hero like Knight, and we of course know he loves Regina and has his reasons for acting as he does. She doesn't have that. She's suffered. He needs to fix it.

At the same time, Regina has also done a lot in those five years involving forced responsibility and growing up. She lost her innocence (.... in every way ...) to this man. So you get this sense as you read that you're seeing her reawakened, and kind of... allowing access to a part of herself she's neglected for a long time. What I'm saying is--she is horny. And he's hot. And honestly, the fact that she's so horny makes it more believable to me that she keeps coming back to go "AND ANOTHER THING". Girl is hard up. It adds a dash of humor to what would otherwise be kind of dark, and balances the book perfectly.

--Knight is very hot, and very much worthy of Regina's horniness. Honestly, I kind of get how losing him broke her brain a bit and sent her own a rampage of revenge. This guy is... sexy, in a way that Lorraine Heath nails so well. So many of her heroes are really not asshole alphas, but they're like--smooth as fuck. They rattle off lines or throw smiles or do something that is so incredibly slick that you're like "God, this man FUCKS". Knight is one of those. Also, he does creepy shit like keep her ribbon in his pocket for YEARS.

--This book is actually really fucking meta. Regina wrote a book that is a memoir, but is anonymously written and fictionalized on some levels. What people--especially women--love about this book is its eroticism and passion and focus on women's pleasure. We see attempts to ban the book, attempts to shame the writer and the women gleefully reading it, attempts to dismiss its importance. Reading a historical romance focusing so hard on this during an era when the US at least is becoming increasingly puritanical, with calls to shame ethical sexual content in fiction and to outright ban expressions of sexuality and sexual autonomy for women and queer people in particular... It was really cool. I love that Lorraine's past couple of books in particular have used their historical backdrop to make a commentary about issues that plague us to this day.

Where this book is better over The Counterfeit Scoundrel, in my opinion, is in its ability to maintain a searing romance. Counterfeit's romance was good, and it was a very romantic book. But this book had me feeling the way books like Waking Up with the Duke and When the Duke Was Wicked did. The romance is that good.

--Another interesting thing this book brings to the table is its focus on illegitimacy. Regina is illegitimate, but her mother was her father's long-term mistress, essentially his wife of the evening, and he was an involved figure in her life who recognized her. Bastards and mistresses are often a thorny topic in historical romance. The goal of most historicals is ultimately marriage--but the reality is that, among the nobility at least (which most historicals still focus on) love was reserved for paramours. Bastards were perhaps more likely to be born of love, or at least passion, than legitimate children. And while we often scorn mistresses to this day, mistresses functioned (and... let's be real, still do) as different types of wives. In this case, Regina's father's wife was the one who hosted balls and attended functions (important!). While her mother was his emotional refuge and partner (also important!).

Lorraine executes a really interesting analysis of these roles. Regina is not to be pitied--she's had loving parents and her father always made sure she had cash to spare. But she also has three siblings she's never met, who resented her. She's also shamed more for losing Knight because she is a bastard. Her mother was a badass woman who taught her daughter to prioritize and not be ashamed of love and sexual pleasure (a note I adored) but she also didn't get everything she deserved from the man she loved. The gray is explored really well here.

--I've seen some criticism re: the "why we broke up" of it all... And I suppose it could've been a bit more high stakes? But I personally love an internal conflict, where people kind of act stupid because they're human beings and human beings rely on emotion and issues like insecurity and the sense of obligation and can ultimately make a big impact. So for me, it really didn't affect my enjoyment of the book. I love it when people make realistically bad decisions and have to deal with the consequences.

--You do get flashbacks to Regina and Knight's original courtship so--two romances in one! I really adored the contrast to the heady, innocent days of the virginal Regina's seduction by this rake, against the more jaded Regina trying so desperately to deny her feelings for Knight, who clearly loves her and has always loved her. Them coming back together as angsty people who've Seen Shit was everything.

The Sex Stuff:

There are a few different sex scenes in this book, scattered among the flashbacks and the present. I always feel like Lorraine's books are truly sensual. The sex scenes aren't as explicit and are somewhat more euphemistic than those by other authors I love, but she conveys passion and wanting so well that I don't need it to be as graphic. It's hot. One of the sexiest scenes in the book is literally a kissing scene.

But also, he fucks her real good. So. No worries there.

She's done it again! I loved this book, and recommend it wholeheartedly. Peak second chance.

Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for providing a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[variousqueerthings]

THESE ARE ATTACK EYEBROWS!

alrightalright new Doctor new Season and also confession that I cannot help comparing where I'm at with the M*ffat run with the new special and the Classic!Who I'm watching, which is perhaps unfair, but then maybe my guy should stop putting out overlong needlessly complicated Stuff

However consider: Peter Capaldi!

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 5/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 6/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 2/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 8/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 3/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 8/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 4/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 5/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

Alright alright, let's get this party going!

OBJECTIFICATION: this episode has one of my least favourite scenes of the whole of Doctor Who, because not only is it sexism, it's male gaze via lesbians, in which M*ffat really really sucks at portraying lesbianism that isn't partly a straight man's fantasy and partly weirdly het... the scene is of course when Vastra has Jenny posing in her corsetry... undergarments? idk what clothes are called, apologies, and Jenny thinks she's being painted, when actually Vastra just wanted to look at her being (uncomfortable) pretty while she was doing the important brainy work

she then dismisses Jenny's complaints about why in the world she's been posing for so long with telling her how she brightens up the room and that it's for "art" -- we'll get more into their dynamic in a biiit

PLOT-POINT: Clara is ostensibly the point of this episode -- new Doctor, new face, and she's unsure how to feel about it, because apparently she really fancied Eleven's pubescent charm. This reminds me of The Christmas Invasion in which Rose has a similar journey of figuring out how she feels about the new Doctor, except of course that Rose's internal and external life is a big focus of early Doctor Who, and she also had no idea that the Doctor could just explode and become a totally new body

also the Doctor was unconscious for a lot of it, and the question of what was going on + when you track the timeline the poor girl probably hadn't slept for a million years properly aside from fainting after having the Time Vortex in her head... she's going through it, we're seeing the journey, there's big aliens fucking about, she's stressed! it's all about relearning that trust and a new relationship, and while there's a subtext of romance, it's not pushed at you, so much as this was something deeply important and now it's been unsteadied unexpectedly

Clara's journey by contrast is one in which we met her family for the first time properly-ish an episode ago, most of her arc in her first season was being a mystery, her "fancying" the Doctor was likewise introduced in the previous episode, and crucially... she already knows the Doctor regenerates, because as per M*ffat's own writing she's literally seen all the previous faces (also Capaldi is objectively hotter than Smith, so jot that down, but I can forgive that, personal taste and all that)

there's also a whole weird little "test" scene between Vastra and Jenny that's ostensibly about tolerance but does that common M*ffat thing of having some good lines out of context that aren't really properly about what's happening right now. do I really like the idea of the Doctor as young in order to fit in/be accepted? unclear, need to think about it a bit, but maaaybe, considering how I read Eleven, who perhaps gets away with being a bit fucked up by Appearing Young, versus Twelve who's immediately got everyone going ahhh what is wrong with you bestie????

but it's muddily mixed in with the whole fancying thing + Vastra thinking Clara is hot or whatever, it's all... me not liking a lot of Vastra's dialogue generally, which feels like M*ffat trying so hard to be deep and mysterious (the one word test from last season as well)

there ARE a couple of things I like, in that I do want Clara and Twelve to reassess where they stand with each other, and I kind of like Twelve being a mess that's abandoning her because he has no idea what his emotions are doing or who he really is or what's going on... especially that last scene of Twelve having a little stuttery sorry, that works for me, look at this weird alien grandpa that speaks like a child at times, what do you feel about that Clara?

the build-up is... rocky, especially everything with Clara opposite Vastra, the latter of whom mainly seems to exist to extol the Doctor's godlike virtues and bully her wife/maid and sound clever

I ALSO like when Clara is facing the bad guy and is clearly very scared but still trying. I liked that from s7b Clara, who was often very openly scared, but still tried

COMPLEXITY: the problem with this episode is that it could be a standard 48mins easily and be better for it. there's nothing technically wrong with it, but there was no need for a dinosaur, no real need for a lot of the dialogue, and many scenes could have been trimmed

also after several episodes that are Quite Long that don't need to be, I'm beginning to grow tired of it. thank goodness we're heading into average episodes again at last

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: I mean, new Doctor. it's mainly the Doctor that's got some stuff going on, but again the last scene. reminiscent of End Of The World (chips? coffee and chips? I haven't got any money)

there's also a new character who's arrived... and it's The Master! and yes, she's got a bit of that M*ffat DNA, but man Michelle Gomez is so good, so so so good! Scottish Bastard Aliens let's do this!

COMPANIONS MATTER: Clara kiiind of... so she doesn't necessarily do much, but there is that... thing. of her figuring out where she stand with this new Doctor, and that's quite important

the Paternoster gang do more actiony-based things and it's... I mean, fine, I guess. they're not companions, and they're mostly more sci-fi elements to all of the plot, rather than what A Person can do

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: I will say that Capaldi is instantly more workable for me. even some of the stupid hangovers in dialogue from the Matt Smith era flow better with him. I don't like the whole monologue at the dinosaur, it's pointless and this episode is an hour and 15mins (this fuckn dinosaur), and the Doctor designating humans as "pudding brains" for ages and the general dismissive "I'm so smart, you're so stupid" attitude... well I can buy it a little easier from Capaldi. also I know that Capaldi's Doctor eventually tones that down and I mean... it's giving Grumpy Old Man rather than Petulant Child

there's meaning, there's point, the Doctor feels more grounded than before. speaking of grounded, I like that the Doctor isn't all-powerful. a lot of this is surviving a bit on your wits, staying one step ahead, and there's also the bit at the end where we don't know if roboboy jumped or was pushed... it's perhaps controversial as choice, but I'm going to sit on it a bit more, especially with the tone this era has inherited of a more Alien Doctor that is trying to reground themself and their values

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: uuuuum so the thing here is that these droids are basically the same as the ones from Girl In The Fireplace. now, regardless of how one feels about some of the thematic handling of that episode, and the Thing M*ffat was showing early on of a preference for writing about "Important Monarch-Related People" and other such things, the droids were really fucking cool in my opinion, and the plot of them getting shit wrong in their brains and causing a massive disruption in one person's life, fascinating

it's a great One Off Idea

but we all know M*ffat's no good at One Offs so here we are doing a slightly worse version of it. M*ffat this is your own episode you're referencing, why are you beating this horse? (like the time M*ffat insisted on an actual horse jumping through a mirror even though it was very stupid and people told him to please drop it... oh wait, that was Girl In The Fireplace....)

“SEXINESS”: okay well aforementioned "art" scene I think is a lot of the Thing that irks me about the writing of Vastra and Jenny, where I wish I liked them more, but I cannot stop seeing the way they're written as an unexplored power-dynamic -- rich vs working class, powerful alien "simple" human, Sherlock Holmes genius rich type and simple maid (who, granted, sometimes gets to beat people up, we like the action stuff, even if I'm not a fan of the sexy leather and I feel like a traitor writing that M*ffat! you've made me dislike sexy leather lesbianism in something how?????), and while all of this is occasionally pointed to, it's only ever as a joke

this includes things like Vastra flirting with (at?) Clara in front of Jenny, when they're ostensibly a monogamous couple and Jenny isn't happy about it, or Jenny pointing out that it's weird she's "pretending" at being a maid in private and being brushed off

INTERNAL WORLD: it's Victorian London, but it's the "these kinds of episodes" Victorian London, which has never felt like much other than a bit of a backdrop. we're not really exploring Victorian London, it's just where the Paternoster gang happens to be and so we get big dresses and hats

also a big Dinosaur is there and that's unimportant and doesn't change things I suppose

POLITICS: it's so... there. as an episode. so not a lot of politics, but how does it write lesbians? eh, not the most horrible thing I've seen -- I genuinely like the acting of the characters and we do get one big ol' kiss this episode (scifi vibes, but this is a scifi show), which is framed reeelatively romantically -- we did have Jenny dying in the Name Of The Doctor and Vastra having many emotions about it (just remembered how her being emotional about her partner dying was an invite to getting harassed for being too emotional and silly just like a womaaaan) (I also still think about how Jenny still calls her Ma'am for some reason... like yeah, that could be a hot prolonged roleplay, but it definitely isn't, except for the way it is because of the guy writing it knowing that it doesn't make sense but it's kind of a hot prolonged roleplay... does that make sense, idk)

we're in Victorian London, some robots are stealing peoples bodies and it's not about anything really

also we had a baffling line from Vastra espousing her fighting the bad guys as "for the British Empire"???? what does she care about that???

(also Clara says they should call the police more often, which is kind of a joke, but also no you shouldn't)

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

the worst thing about this episode is actually that its story does not justify the runtime. it is so long and it is so average

Peter Capaldi is a wonderful wonderful actor. Michelle Gomez is immediately great: "He can be very mean sometimes. Except to me of course, because he loves me so much. I do like his new accent though. Think I might keep it" <- this could have been so eye-rollery, but she makes it work and makes me shiver and knowing this is The Master is sooo 👀👀👀

the story is so-so. Clara is still moooostly under-utilised/underappreciated but with some good moments that will (if I remember correctly) continue to thread through their relationship of Clara not being quite sure about this person, who is clearly a bit on-edge and confused: "The man I hope you are with, believe me he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now. And he needs you"

Clara's place in this story is still constantly buffeted by the wind. the things that do come up "person he knows the best (I guess, comparatively)," and "someone who fancies the Doctor" is kind of the weakest part of that, when actually what's going on is more interesting

[theangryjikooker]

Hey TAJ! This is unicorn anon 2.0 lol, hope you're doing okay and enjoying Festa/comeback activities! I had a few reasons for popping in. First, I just wanted to say I love your last handful of posts! I'm envious of how you can make your points so concisely. Also wanted to say I'm sorry you've been getting so many troll anons lately. Fandom spaces can be exhausting enough without people actively making it worse. As a Taekooker it just frustrates me so much to see other Tkks in here, and on other blogs, being assholes on purpose. I'm sorry it happens to you so often.

Finally I was curious about your one reason you could see for Taekook dating (sorry if I'm butchering the way you worded that -- I know that you don't actually think they are haha) but of course I totally understand if that's not something you want to get into here!

Anyway I hope you're doing well and having fun with all the new content! -🦄 2.0

I'm so delighted whenever anons make use of the tags I give to them. 😂 Hello, unicorn 2.0! (Although I could swear you were the OG—the way you write sounds like the OG anyway... help, let me know if I'm wrong!)

Similar to Jikook, if I were a Tkkr, I would focus on the overarching dynamics between Taekook. Already we're seeing people lose their minds over them sitting next to each other or Taehyung wanting to go get a tattoo with Jungkook, but those are... non-reasons to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's not to say that none of these things aren't cute because they could be, in the same way that Jkkrs find joy in Jikook sharing a car. It doesn't indicate anything about their relationship, but it is a shipper-oriented moment (I feel like this distinction is crazy important).

(The rest behind a cut because this is pretty much the antithesis of my usual content. Subject yourself to it if you want.

Disclaimer: I am not a Tkkr. I can't stress this enough. If you're a casual passerby, please take note of this.)

The so-called overarching dynamic between Taekook that I've observed thus far is arguably mundane, but I would cite the fact that they have reconnected and it shows. I think when you compare their dynamics pre-ITS1 vs. now, they've clearly bridged whatever social awkwardness they had before. I wasn't around when BTS debuted and as far as I know, everyone could agree that Taekook were closer, but nowadays I imagine their friendship has risen from the ashes, so to speak, as an ode to what they had as young teenagers. But now they're adults, and I would probably explore what that could mean.

I've also noticed that Taehyung and Jungkook are both exploring their interests and hobbies, trying out new things, etc. In everyday life, people will find it a lot easier to connect with someone whose phase in life is seemingly running parallel to theirs.

So if I were a Tkkr, these are the dots I'd latch onto and run with because it makes the most sense to me and has the most potential to cultivate that Taekook angle I would hypothetically want to develop.

Thus begs the question I may get in response to this: if you can see this, why aren't you a Tkkr?

Because their micro dynamics suggest to me (using my own knowledge of human behavior, which can sometimes be influenced by my own experiences and personal opinion) that their relationship is ultimately platonic. I personally think Taekook is quite similar to Jihope in terms of closeness.

Any Taekook moment I've witnessed doesn't particularly look invasive or awkward third-wheeling, especially after taking into consideration their culture on skinship. Jikook, by comparison, often flirts with that line of what's considered "normal," which is why they interest me far more than Taekook does.

This isn't me trying to dismiss Taekook. I just don't see them in that way and I never have, but I can certainly pick out things that can be used to begin a narrative that sounds the most logical to me. The practice itself isn't hard, and I can do the same for all the other ships quite easily, and I still wouldn't consider myself a shipper for those ships either.

[keffirinne]

If Basil and Maggie went to a club, how do you think that would go? I can fully imagine poor Basil trying to stick to the wall and avoid everyone, but girls keep flocking him. And Maggie is just wasted without a care in the world, dancing her heart out in the middle of the floor. It’s very much giving Scott and Ramona vibes.

I totally imagine them like this :D Haven't seen Scott Pilgrim though, but I think I'm getting that vibe.

Basil's the handsome, mysterious guy standing by the wall. People all around are dancing, having fun, and he's just standing there, alone, with the attitude "I'm broken, but YOU can fix me". At least that's the vibe girls are getting from him 😂 To his misfortune, they approach him often, batt their eyelashes, try to flirt and he just wants to be left alone. He tries to politely dismiss them and it finally succedes when drunk Maggie comes to him screaming "CoMe DaNcE wItH mE!" 😂 Luckily, she can't see their judging glares. Maggie is living her life like she's the main character in Livin' La Vida Loca, happy in her own world and just wants to share the joy with her friend! Has no idea, why Basil is withdrawn, there's alcohol, there's music, there are people dancing! Could you imagine better friday night!? He definitely can't be spending the whole standing night by the wall!

Basil thinks, Maggie's adrorable when she's acting so childish and can't fight a smile. He finally gives up, and goes with her to the dancefloor. For the contrary, he does see all the looks they are getting. Some from men, who disbelieve why someone wouldn't like to dance with such a beautiful girl? The other from jealous girls, who think that Maggie doesn't deserve him like they do.

I think he enjoys her company, even if they are dancing, although it would be much better by the wall. Or at home. Yes, at home without all the loud people around him.

Also If someone would try to take adventage on Maggie, he would definitely step up and rescue her. Maybe few times he would misread the situation and ruin her flirt, but hey, he wanted good. She would't be angry with him for too long.

Drunk Maggie also gives amazing advices, in her opinion. She would give him a monologue, that he's a pretty boy and he should find himself a nice girl, because he deserves to be hapy. She wants all her friends to be happy. Unfortuntelly there is a chance, that this joyful conversation turns into a cry festival, when she accidently mentions Jim. Poor Basil would try to calm her down, feeling bit unsure why did her mood change so quickly? After a while, Maggie finally finds strength inside her, decides to be a strong, independent woman, who won't cry over a man and storms off to the dancefloor again.

~~~

Thanks for asking, had fun imagining this scene😂

Have a nice day (or evening) ❤

[khaleesiofalicante]

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.” — Deb Caletti

Omg I started this chapter yesterday but fell asleep reaaaally early bc I think I was super tired but I also slept more than 10 hours!!! That's literally more than I have slept three days combined of this week😂

It was the coolest shit ever. The kind of cool shit Max loved.

But right now, he couldn’t care less about the stupid nine-point circle or the lame spells.

He has to have the opportunity to meet them and talk to them when all of this is over or I will riot 😭

“Ah,” Max said, tracing a finger on the ground and keeping his hands busy. “Bapak got the hot ones.” They are all hot and you know it!!!

Luca is here!!!! I am love him already jdhdkdbdj

It seemed like a cruel joke. David was everywhere and nowhere. 😭😭😭😭💙

Poor Luca and Max😂 but you can't blame Alec babes!! I can only imagine how Magnus looks...

No wait!! I also want to know his superpower!!!

Max just wanted to set something on fire.

*Me whispering* please do Mallory, please do Mallory, please do Mal-

“You do,” Nicolas grinned widely. “When I see your future, I see too much. It’s almost blinding.”

“Pun intended?”

“Of course.”

Should I be scared or excited or??? Yeah, Imma be both ;)

“You worry too much about the future,” Nicolas told him.

“It’s a warlock thing.”

“It’s a you thing,” Nicolas chuckled. “But it’s not a bad thing. I taught you for a reason, Maxwell. You must use it wisely.”

He knows something I ignore and I am getting frustrated and that ending was really cryptic😭😭 I need answers!!! Please!!!

Clary Fairchild being a bad bitch I'd honestly the only reason I'm surviving this...

“People do awful things because they often think they are doing it for the right reasons,” the woman told her. “And most often, the reason is love. Love of something. Love for someone.” Don't mind me, I just cracked some main plotline of my story bc of this😂

Gabrielina>>>>>>

Them getting into Marcus brain and figuring out the logo like the power couple the are😎

But also, I'm always forgetting that shadowhunters don't have that much education in lots of subjects like maths or astronomy or mundane things in general and it's kinda funny 😂

She looked at Gabriel. “I want to talk to Claire Devlin.” Is that a good idea? Idk. Am I excited nevertheless?? ✨yes✨

Istg, this scenes are taking years of my life😭 I can't even read it twice as I normally do!!! That's how scared I am!!!

He doesn't remember about Edom 😭😭😭 or the time they went to London's shadow market!!!

After we give David his gift, I will make sure you join your brother,” Mallory said. “Okay?” I don't even feel bad about this one :)) don't say David didn't warn you...

All of this just so his parents believe him... bitch just go to therapy and move on like the rest!!

David, who was breathing raggedly, stared at her. “If you touch him, I will kill you.” He doesn't have half his memories, and he still will kill you if you touch him. Take that!! 🥰

Not the first time they meet!!!! NO NO THAT ONE!!! PLEASE!!! WHY DO I ALWAY END UP CRYING AFTER A CHAPTER NOW??? 😭😭😭

I thought I knew hate, but then I met the Devlins and I understood I knew nothing 🔪🙂

Last POV... WTF????

First of all, Gigi and Lexi are the best babes ever. My beautiful parabatai 😍

And also all the other parabatai paired with a Super Babe!! The power!! The potential!! I want to thank you for the parabatai content we got 💙💙

Her father had taught her that the biggest mistake a fighter can do was to deny their own fear.

Don’t deny it. Don’t dismiss it. Feel it. Use it.

Jace as a father will never not make me emo🥺

Nevermind, I understood why no one likes Evan lmao

And why did Nico request to be escorted by Gigi and Lexi??? And go to Paris???? And left his cane??? To NY Institute??

Shadow demons are going to show up. I just feel it!

Lexi fighting Mallory is totally awesome. But maybe we can fast forward to the part she kills her or something?? 🥺 Also Mallory fighting with Pressure??? THE AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH!!!

Why did Nico said the suggenes thing??? Why did he protected her like that???

What did Nico saw on Logan's future??? Who will come for both of them?? Lucifer?? Max?? The Prince of Darkness????

“You are about to change the fate of the shadow world,” Nicolas said. I AM CONFUSION AND SADNESS 🔪😭

“Warlocks might forgive. But they don’t forget,” Nicolas told her. “He will remember.” And I damn hope he will burn everything down

Will Max make another spell??? Now that Nico taught him some warlock math??? Who is other Max???? What is he talking about?? 😭😭😭

Nicolas smiled.

The most beautiful smile.

The smile of a little boy with big dreams.

“Good,” Nicolas smiled. “I can finally grow up.”

I. I have no words. I'm still processing. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK?? I realized half of the last POV was me just asking questions I won't get the answer to until later 😭😭

I'm still missing some chores for this week to finally be over, but now I'm going to do them thinking about that ending:))

THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS HERE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY OTHER THAN SORRY SKJNCVJKS

but wait i can answer one of them.

Nico lied about the suggenes thing because he wanted to protect Lexi. Otherwise Mallory would have killed her.

PS- mallory fighting with Pressure reminds me of that time when Zara fought with Cortana 🤢

okay ily bye

[lesbianmarrow]

okayyyy let me make my post about legends of tomorrow 6.05 “the satanist’s apprentice.” right away i knew this episode was gonna be something special with the care they were taking showing us astra’s perspective. and it just kept getting better and better until the real show-stealer which was of course the ANIMATED SEQUENCE!!!!!!!! i am so glad i wasn’t spoiled for that. truly amazing to see. i can’t imagine how much work that must have been to arrange but it was totally worth it, such an incredible sequence. but even apart from that very fun and flashy trick it was a really great episode!!!! 

i’m really really glad the writers decided to allocate almost an entire episode to humanizing astra and showing us life from her perspective. astra won me over in the college sorority episode but i definitely think more work needed to be done with the character to make her really feel like one of the team members, and they did that really well here. one issue i had with astra early on is that she felt very much like a two dimensional sexy femme fatale when she was first introduced, and i feel like that characterization stuck around for quite a few episodes. i really dont care for the decision to introduce her that way, even if it makes it more shocking for constantine to see that shes alive and all grown up. i think she shouldve been presented as a more nuanced character from the get go. but hey they finally start doing that in later episodes and this episode explores who she is very thoroughly. 

i loved seeing astra’s morning routine and just all the stuff she does (or doesn’t do) every day. lots of fun. again i think it’s so important to humanize her not just because she was initially presented as this evil sexy femme fatale but also because she is a Black woman and too often white or nonblack audiences refuse to relate to these characters. so it’s great that the way the episode is written and directed essentially forces us to relate to astra. i felt so bad for her when she got drenched by that puddle omg i hope constantine’s house at least has hot water in the showers. i thought it was interesting when her old white guy neighbor is racist to her because legends has been really steering away from depicting racism onscreen in recent seasons when the early seasons showed much more of that. i think it’s done effectively, it makes us feel for astra and want to see the old guy dead which of course plays into the later scene where astra lures him over to kill him. also i was so mad at constantine for being super dismissive of astra and not helping her even though this is her first time living on earth as an adult and also she’s basically his time-displaced niece. constantine you misogynist!!!!!!!!!! 

somehow i had previously been under the impression that astra was already a sorcerer but i guess not? it was fun seeing her make this devil’s bargain although she seemed just a tad naive. but if you think about it she had everything under control up until the bad guy (i forget his name) stole the soul thingy. so she didn’t do anything wrong except lower her guard down a little when she realizes she can’t kill this horrible old racist guy. and i think that makes sense because such a revelation is going to be shocking for her. she used to be fine with causing lots of death and cruelty, and this guy certainly had it coming. but she’s not that person anymore. she has changed and become more compassionate and doesn’t want to hurt people needlessly anymore. i still wish that old guy could be punished in some way though like she could infest his house with bats or something bc he deserves it. 

it was so fun when she turned the legends into various household objects. why was nate a CHEESE. i loved zari and ava’s little faces. and it’s so funny that zari was a flip phone. would she even know what that is, since shes from the future? and then everything about the animation i loved. it was so funny how astra began talking all disney princess-y and using dramatic gestures and all that. and she saves the day by singing her mother’s song! how lovely is that. also awesome to see the animated versions of the transformed legends fight and then tuck the bad guy into bed. so silly. i like how at the end astra says the legends are her friends!!!!!!! love that for her. 

the side plot with sara was also really good even though it was very short. bishop is a fantastic villain. he’s just so AWFUL. i love how charismatic he is and how that just enhances his awfulness. and also how he is always singing and dancing like a weirdo. i dont have much experience with techbros but he seems like a techbro. also so interesting to see the nurse ava clone. i like how disturbed sara was by her and by how brainwashed she was. and i loved how sara tried to convince the clone to help her escape and really thought she got through to her. sara made the mistake not only of thinking this clone was more like her ava than she truly was, but also of thinking that all it would take to get this clone on her side was an inspiring speech about her personhood. it’s honestly so arrogant of her, but also so in character. sara has a hero complex when it comes to saving women from their own internalized misogyny and that’s essentially what she’s trying to do here. but the clone’s brainwashing is more thorough than sara had counted on. 

umm anyway really good episode i thought caity lotz’s directing was good and i like that astra is becoming a bigger part of the team now :) 

[kharmii]

small apology here, my rant about fakers, fauxtism and all that.

Gotta admit that I have stopped BNHA a few years ago. Not because I thought it was bad. I still like the world building and characters and how a lot of the Quirks reflect the personalities from everyone, I just didn't fully vibe with the direction the series took when it shifted away a little to hard from the academy life and all that. But gotta agree on Todoroki on all the points you've made. And I reach out to you in sympathy to you. Considering everything you've likely been through you have become incredibly strong, even if a little rough around the edges but honestly considering how things online are it's no wonder... I really admire you for being headstrong and being above so much stuff. And from your examples I also see that it's also from others being "others" causing more harm than good.

I have my own catalogue of examples of others having caused my depressions and anxieties (on top of many other things) and sometimes my attempts to step out of situations were outright ignored or dismissed. Too often others CAUSE people to react certain ways. And it really is just insulting when I see people see medical conditions as an aesthetic or a quirky personality trait or worse a free pass to be an asshole towards others "you can't be mad at me cause of my autism I dont know any better" bs

either way just wanting to know I really appreciated you talking about yourself and Todoroki and if anything it made me appreciate you even more.

Thanks for this! Tell me if I'm wrong because I like to play armchair shrink, (and it's totally projection) but is some of the resentment over fakers/fauxtism because they make it look fun and easy? -Like look at me! I'm (neurodivergent/mentally ill) and am having this great time expressing my quirkiness and individuality! I'm expressing my asshattery in a sassy and quirky way that will by no means create a fallout worse than the condition itself! People find me interesting after all!

Meanwhile, suffering from the abuse survivor's form of the 'tism, I've got the thousand-yard stare of that person not allowed to be quirky a day in my life. The slightest bit of weird behavior immediately got smacked down, and sometimes I'd be going about my normal business and get attacked out of nowhere wondering what I did this time. Then I get labeled as being cold and soul-less, like wait...are you saying that I'm not allowed to express my individuality in any way, but when I get that much closer to achieving 'perfection', then I'm accused of not having a personality at all? There has to be some sort of middle ground that every human being on earth is allowed except me.

Then there's the old 'Why don't you (x) like other (x)?' from Stalker Guy that couple times when we were still good. It was never anything having to do with a personality, more like yet another person trying to play puppeteer molding me into an ideal.

I just got into BNHA in January and had to limit myself to 3-4 episodes a day so I didn't binge burn through them. The X-Men fan in me loved the idea of a society of complex mutants, even with a greater suspension of disbelief. The "Hellish Todorokis" were a draw. At first, Shoto was such a 'blah' character, but then there's the first good abuse analogy where he wouldn't use his fire side because he didn't want to be like the dad he was pissed at. Ironically, some of his personality might be from abuse, but some of his stoicism and coldness might be because he actually takes after Endeavor. That's part of why Endeavor could never have hoped to become #1 or breed a future #1. Maybe he didn't understand that the sensitive warm-hearted All Might was the symbol of peace because he was one-part superpowers and one-part good public relation skills. :-P

The Endeavor redemption arc was good, even though the fandom got worked up about it. Come on now, it's okay for people to apologize and feel regret for the terrible things they did (how refreshing of a concept), and it's not like his family was like 'all is forgiven; let's pretend like it never happened'. They were still angry and hurting but willing to work toward a better relationship going forward. That's realistic and reasonable.

Every so often, I'll think to google if Dabi is still alive, but I shouldn't hold out hope. -Or maybe one could see it like...if he has to live his life blind and missing an arm, he's better off deceased.

As much as I loved Todoroki drama, it was the Meta Liberation Army that really grabbed me. What a waste of potential they all were! Maybe kids might be bored with them and happy they were one-shot villains, but as an adult, I loved the politician who used 'incite' to get the useful idiots going, or the goofball CEO doubling as a secret cult leader, or the skulking creepy hacker in charge of intel. Then there's my Himura ship I'm not advertising as incest because, even if I couldn't care less either way if it was or not, I'm sick of the foaming at the mouth crazies getting worked up about it. A person could be trying their absolute hardest to write a decent story in good faith, and the antis will glom onto the stupid kink and make it 100% defined by it.

[orenjibot]

Rly frustrated af at shit so. I deactivated all my twit in the meantime. I simply do not exist.

I’ll reactivate them some time. I’ll likely keep off discord for a lil bit too.

I’m just so… upset at everything…

(rant under a read more)

Bro i keep feeling like cause i just complain so much that no one likes to hear me complain???? Like imagine having ppl not respond to u with smth like “damn that sucks” or etc.

Like ofc i dont get like this all the time cause i know sometimes i need to write my thoughts out somewhere, but it do feel like smth when a few doesn’t rly respond to my rants or some shit but will respond to other ppl. And i just…. Am i rly that bad…???

I kinda wish ppl will tell me that if i am BUT then again, it’s just putting pressure on ppl for telling me what’s right and what’s wrong which is mean and cruel of me. Despite the fact that, I’m not rly forcing them to tell me but more like “please don’t hold ur words back and rly let me have it” if like ya know? They WANT to say something but is afraid to.

But then again, i had this issue with my old friend group of irls many years ago so honestly? I should expect not to get a response or smth. Like i expect a response but i guess i just… dunno what kinda response i want? Like do i want ppl to let me know they read it? Do i want an opinion or advice on it? Or do i want them to like coddle me for a bit and let me know they care? Do i want them to agree with me?? Like i just dunno. I respond to ppl when they vent all the time because i feel like i should say smth since lol i get ignored a lot.

Literally no one want to listen to me talk irl when i get like this??? My whole family is kind of dismissive towards me about it. Like damn sorry for complaining so much i guess?? I totally get it if ppl just can’t rly help me and they know it, but sometimes the way ppl respond by saying nothing or responding curtly/abruptly, i just feel like u don’t want to listen to me and want me to shut up. Like man i’m not going to MAKE y’all participate in actively shittalking ppl with me cause i GET IT, but sometimes the way ppl respond rly feels like “i disagree with u and want to say u’re wrong but out of politeness and the facts laid out before me, i can’t say that.” Like… you can just say u dont like me and wanna take someone else’s side???

Like idk maybe i’m just reading too much into it cause it causes my rad to flare up really bad. I dont wanna force ppl TO listen to me when they can’t or don’t want to?? Like i’m not that rude but the way ppl sorta just get distracted irl makes me rly like upset cause bro… i asked if i can talk to u and THIS is the response and attention u’re giving me? Bruh just say u dont like listening to me. I have to out all my shit down if i’m listening to you, i demand the same respect back. I dont grill ppl that much on it if it’s online tho.

Like ya kno? It’s online u got ur own life and shit like that. So i get that much. It’ll sting but not that much.

I keep thinking that maybe its just the hole left in me cause my exfriend was shit but at this point… i guess i just. Can’t find anyone who rly did fill the role my exfriend left behind. I do commend him for being able to work with me to get along with me, despite how he eventually threw me aside after a while.

Either i expect everyone to treat me like how i treat them, very literally, or maybe i just have some things that i can’t really overlook when it comes to how i want people treat me. Like i dont think my requirements are ungodly high, but i guess it’s the little things that set me off.

Oh well. I feel like i’m being a nuisance anyways so i’m just going to not talk and actively participate in social media for a bit. Like i’m around alright cause ppl need to be able to reach me for anything, but. Yeah.

I dont want to think of myself as someone who just complains a lot cause i dont but i do complain about things when it overwhelms me emotionally. Like i dont gripe about my pet peeves that often but i WILL complain about stuff i think is like emotionally overwhelming to me like if i get hurt or treated unfairly. And those are things i vent about a lot in retrospect.

It’s all temporary but i think it’s harder for me to pet go of something i don’t rly understand and hurt me deeply as a result. Like it just takes longer which sucks.

Maybe i’m just burnt out from trying to be okay lately. I’ve been depressed after all. Maybe i’m just. Tired or smth. Idk. I just dunno what i should be doing.

Just feeling like a blob of hurt… Like i know that just leaving won’t get ppl to dm me or anything and ask if i’m doing alright. Even irl, i dont think ppl really realize if i’m doing alright cause i don’t rly show it and i don’t rly like to say i’m not doing okay.

It’s… tough.

[violetsystems]

I think my holidays are meant to be ruined just to advance thematic developments. I don't know how much more disturbed I could be right now about everything. But I did manage to cook a juicy turkey breast for myself. I've been applying for jobs hardcore the last three weeks. Rejections on Christmas Eve. I don't really have any support in the process emotionally or any real encouragement from my family. It's scary to me. Especially when everyone around me in this neighborhood judging me by my family and my racial roots. Part of what fucked up my Christmas was a conversation I had with someone I fear is suffering from early onset Alzheimer's. I don't want to say it. But I do think it out loud often. Can't tell if the forgetfulness and lack of attention to detail is that or just an expression of no one caring. It's hard when you love a parent to process that they might not love you the same way back. Part of love is accepting that but it doesn't go very far in my family tree. Had to be reminded that the last time I saw part of my extended family was 2016. And yet they celebrated my uncle's retirement on my birthday weekend last year. So I don't know what those kind of wishes really mean to me at this point. I did reach out to some contacts professionally. When I say professional I mean in the white collar world and not this dj, musical art fairytale bullshit. They did take the time to send a holiday greeting in an email. Not some Spotify year ended wrapped jpg on instagram. I watch more anime than probably anyone. But to think we're going to ride off into the sunset on drink tickets and no health insurance is dangerous. I keep hearing this repetition that I should apply for a warehouse job stocking food or electronics. When I apply for a warehouse job or even for Costco corporate, I just hear back "Why don't you apply to Costco?" Then expected to provide free tech support for a non profit and act like that's not qualified labor or experience. I feel the disconnect is now total performance. But it's more suffering. Like someone wants me to revolt instead of pointing out the fact that it all seems set up with people watching me on the property like they're writing a sitcom or a play. You are writing your last will and testament if this is what that is about. Personally I'm not mad that it makes me madder about searching for a job that I'm not meant to find. I'm not even mad that a family member has to scoff at the job I'm still under review for in which I asked their boss to provide me with a reference letter. He just wants to dismiss that it's even legitimate and go backwards in my career for safety's sake. He wants me to give up and there's a part of me that already has. On my dreams. On my goals. On my life. On my happiness. So people can just shut the fuck up about watching every little fucking thing I do. There's going to be a point that I prove that this is all fake. And I'm going to walk off the set with a coffee and a settlement check. Until then I just have to play like this is all normal and you really expect that famous and connected people offer legitimate apologies for anything other than psychological manipulation. They don't. My own personal reality show might be a little different. But believe me when I say to you that how I write on here is just expressing my impatience with how sociopathic people accept their lives to be. What terrible way to die. Knowing you relented to all this and didn't fight for your own freedom. Even if freedom is minimum wage at this point. Or staying away from drunk people talking about the future on New Year's Eve.

[shahwagner91]

Strategies On How To Properly Deal With Arthritis

If regenerative medicine nz or someone who is close to you, struggles with the pain of arthritis, you may find yourself somewhat clueless when it comes to the treatment of the disease. Luckily, this article contains some handpicked tips and advice that will give you an insight into arthritis and the effects it can have on a person's life. When you have osteoarthritis, exercising your joints is an essential part of managing your condition. Experts have found that exercise helps relieve stiffness and keeps your joints more flexible. Stretching exercises along with light weight training can also improve your endurance and help you sleep more soundly, leading to less pain and a better quality of life. In order to prevent joint stiffness, incorporate low-impact exercises into your day-to-day routine. Doing too much exercise can cause arthritis to flare up. However, light-to-moderate low-impact exercise can help to keep your joints from stiffening up, giving you more freedom of movement. Some exercises you can do to stay limber include walking, swimming, or bicycling. In order to help ease some of the pain associated with arthtis in your hands or fingers, you may want to consider using topical creams. Many of these creams helps joints to relax, which helps to ease arthritis pain. Just be sure you consult with your doctor before using these creams. Take a break, but not for too long. When your body feels tired, it is always trying to tell you something. Relaxing both your body and your mind can give you a much needed rest to allow you to be at your best. Try not to relax too much though, as doing so can actually aggravate symptoms. Eat nutritious snacks. Having protein bars, shakes, or fruit can give you the energy your body needs without forcing you to feel like you overate or ruined your health. Choosing healthy snacks will give you the best nutrients to keep your body healthy and strong, which is necessary for anyone with arthritis. It is important to get quality sleep. Getting the proper amount of rest helps to rejuvenate the body, while giving you the energy needed to tackle the following day. Consider sleeping in total darkness with all forms of light hidden or turned off and then practice your relaxation techniques before you go to sleep. Get a group of people around to support you during your struggle with arthritis. Your support system should include both family and medical professionals. Your physician may also be able to recommend a support group for you to attend. Know your limits. Pushing yourself too hard can be detrimental to your health and safety. If you want to attempt something that may be a reach, try to have someone nearby in case you need assistance. You do not want to cause undue stress on your mind or your joints, so give yourself boundaries. Never forget to protect yourself from UV rays through sunblock and other methods. Arthritis sufferers are more prone to certain types of skin conditions, so it is important to take the proper precautions. Do what you can to avoid sun exposure, from wearing clothing that protects from the sun to sunscreen, no matter what the season is. Even during the winter, you are absorbing a great deal of the sun's rays. Watch your knees. Your knees absorb at least three times the impact of any other joint on your body, so they need extra care. Always make sure to use pads when kneeling and try to flex them often. Sitting cross-legged for too long can also cause issues, so you should stretch them out on a regular basis. Do not be afraid to consider surgery. Many people who suffer with arthritis will initially balk at the thought of having surgery done to correct an issue. Let your doctor coach you on what may be the best method of treatment for you, and if surgery is an effective option, try not to immediately dismiss it. Watch for symptoms of depression when you are dealing with psoriatic arthritis. The fatigue you experience with psoriatic arthritis can mask the symptoms of depression. It is hard to feel like you will ever be normal again after the diagnosis. Make sure to see a doctor and deal with symptoms of depression. Gather as much knowledge as possible about arthritis to stop it from controlling your life. This above article helps you in starting and eliminating arthritis pain though the study of available options.

[youcatchyman]

“I Hate My Ex” — Best Things to Do

“I hate my ex so much”, what should I do to move on? Since your separation, you feel that your behavior has changed, you are more irritable, totally on edge, and angry with your ex, and that’s normal!

But you would like to drive away certain thoughts such as: “I hate my ex”, which take possession of your mind regularly. Feeling such negative emotions toward a person you loved passionately is harmful to your well-being and your sentimental reconstruction.

Even if the person may have behaved disrespectfully towards you, or they may have cheated on you, lied to you, or simply failed to measure up, you must take control and make this obscure thought that ruin your life disappear.

“I hate my ex”, I’m so mad at them”. The pain of separation sometimes creates this kind of situation, yet you must learn to get rid of negative feelings to find joy in everyday life.

Find out how harboring a feeling of hatred towards someone can have negative effects on your life, and let yourself be guided through our 12 tips to regain control of your emotions and move on.

“I Hate My Ex” — The 12 best things you can do

If you hate your ex and you can’t manage to appease this feeling, discover these 12 ways to get over the breakup and forget about your ex!

1. Get answers, and find the flaw that led to the breakup.

To get out of it, you must first seek answers to what keeps you in this state of anger and vexation. Being mad at your ex is often a good way to not take stock of your relationship and your problems. It is by taking the time to reflect on its various points that you can begin to turn the page.

If your ex cheated on you: find out with whom and why.

If he treated you in a negligible way, try to discover the origin of it.

Finding the loophole allows your brain to understand the reasons for your anger, and thus release some of your hatred.

Sure, it can be difficult and hurtful to know the answers to these questions, but it’s the first step to figuring out your level of grudges and how much you hate your ex.

2. Discover your true emotions.

Sometimes some people prefer to maintain this feeling of hatred towards a specific person, rather than dealing with other emotions, it is a kind of unconscious protection that is unhealthy for your mind and health.

After a while, you realize, “I hate my ex, but I love them.” Anger was your facade to avoid any introspection after the breakup. You no longer have to disguise your feelings behind hatred, if you are sad or hurt, you have to face these emotions and learn to dominate them.

3. Recognize that your hatred is harmful to you.

You have already experienced the harmful effects of this feeling of hatred, but as soon as this emotion reaches you personally, it is hard to see all the red flags going on around you.

Remember that when you hate someone, you are probably hurting them, but above all, you are hurting yourself too. Resentment towards your ex creates deeper consequences that can be a major obstacle to your development.

4. Get advice from your loved ones.

Your friends and family are there to help you through difficult times.

It is the essential role of your close entourage to help you find the keys to solving your problems and being happy in your life.

Confide in your friends and family. Open up to them, and tell them what’s going on and how you feel.

Your loved ones may have a reasonable point of view that could accompany you in the appeasement you need.

5. Be angry at the real reasons for your situation.

It’s really easy to hate someone rather than hate a situation because at least there’s someone taking responsibility.

One thing a lot of people do is direct their hate at someone else when it’s the facts they hate, not the person.

Look deep within and be honest with yourself. Do you hate your ex, or is it the situation you hate? This huge difference completely reduces the way you feel about your ex, and it makes it easier to dismiss that feeling of hatred toward them.

Read also: Why Do I Still Think About My Ex Every Day? 10 Reasons

6. Practice calming mechanisms.

Hatred can make a person do crazy things if left unchecked.

If you can’t stop hating your ex and acting silly and unhealthy around them, put some self-soothing mechanisms in place.

Try deep breathing, meditation, or even use a stress ball. Anything that will keep you from making a scene or going so crazy that you’ll do something you’ll regret is good to put in place.

7. Keep your distance from your ex.

If you hate your ex, you need to stay away from them! It seems so simple! If you keep your ex away from you, you’ll find that your hatred will lessen over time, since you won’t be constantly reminded of the person and the bad memories that go with it that you hate so much.

If you are used to going to the same places, avoid going there for a while, it’s not about avoiding your ex for life, it’s about keeping them away for a while until your feeling of hatred subsides enough to be able to meet them again without stirring up this negative emotion.

8. Don’t tell anyone about them.

Talking about your ex will only succeed in fueling the rage bubbling inside you!

You will need to talk about your feelings and emotions with those close to you but try to avoid talking about them as often as possible; and you will find that your anger towards them will eventually fade, rather than be rekindled every time.

9. Realize that you can see things from another side.

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes and see if there could have been some extenuating circumstances to understand their behavior.

Be a little empathetic and think about how they must feel about what happened. It will help you cope and even get rid of the hatred you feel for them.

10. Forgive your ex.

Forgiveness is a very effective tool to use if you hate your ex. No matter what they may have done, no matter how terrible their deeds or words may have been, forgive them.

Holding on to a feeling of hate that hurts you is simply not healthy. Forgive them and keep moving forward, so you can be happy once again in your life.

11. Apologize honestly.

When we feel a feeling of hatred towards someone, we are led to argue and say very hurtful things to each other.

Take the plunge, and apologize to your ex!

This will allow you to gauge how angry you are and heal as well.

Go to see your ex and apologize for everything that was said or done, you will be surprised to feel immediately released.

12. Seek professional help.

You probably won’t be able to overcome your feelings of hatred on your own. There are professionals dedicated to these delicate situations, they can help you overcome such feelings to find yourself and feel free and happy again.

If your hatred takes over your daily life and you feel the harmful effects on your life, do not hesitate to speak to a professional, he will guide you to regain your serenity. It can be normal to have feelings of hate towards your ex simply because they were someone you loved deeply, and now you have to distance yourself and start a new life without them. Easing tensions with your ex is a decisive first step in the process of rebuilding yourself after the breakup.

But if your hate snowballs out of control, you’ll need all these tips on how to deal with this devastating emotion.

Read also:

20 Subtle Signs Your Ex Never Cared About You

I Miss My Ex: 15 Tips to Get Back Together