#how to use the blue hellsite

[thebibliosphere]

Hi new friends. Please don’t censor words, especially triggering ones. Seeing trigger words written l!ke th!s doesn’t stop them from being triggering.

It just stops Tumblr’s built in filter (see under settings) from working which many of us have in place to protect ourselves.

This has happened to me multiple times this week, and as someone currently struggling with suicidal ideation, has not been great.

You are not on TikTok or Insta, please use the full words so people can protect themselves. Thank you 💖

[pistatsia]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@ciunasboinin thanks for tagging! This was such a fun to write 1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

27 works.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

197,001

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Blue Lock!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Birds and wings (kaisagi) (1965)

Kaleidoscope (kainessagi) (973)

dreams (noego supremacy) (737)

sun compression my beloved (kaisagi) (450)

pyrrhic victory (kaisagi) (367) and (for representation of some clear kainess) Flower Crown (351)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do! Sometimes it can take a long time because most of the time between university, work, language courses, immigrant problems, care for my flat and pets I'm partially dead, but I'll always answer. Though sometimes when I'm too tired I ignore really short ones (from five or so words) because I don't know what can I answer for that.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

pyrrhic victory (kaisagi). I still feel sorry for Isagi when I think about it. It's kinda OOC because of the circumstances I build there, but I still think that that's a quite possible acting for Isagi in that situation. He's just seventeen, after all.

As for kainess, then directly it's house of cards, and indirectly float: major spoiler below, skip italics block if you plan to read 'float'.

Because while Ness believes that "rules" (Ness is useful = Kaiser is not leaving him) which he and Kaiser have will grant him control… actually they mean nothing. The whole scene with spirits (when Kaiser brags about them foolishly thinking that he'll follow long-gone rules about human and gods) along with the loneliness theme is a huge metaphor for that. Kaiser will destroy everything on his path if he'd want to, just of pure boredom, and no rules will ever stop him. And, of course, one day this "everything" will include Ness.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

"sigh" probably Birds and Wings. I'm still occasionally thinking about orphaning it, but I won't do it since my friend will behead me in instant if I'll do that haha In my defense at that time it still wasn't clear how bad are kainess problems - they looked like two silly plushes, so Kaiser is much softer there, and Ness is in his mentally-stable era. Like, Kaiser still uses Isagi a bit, but also helps him a lot of course. This is explained by the injury that put his career under the threat and after which Kaiser is kind of reevaluating his life a bit, but of course now I realise it doesn't work that way with him haha. It's pure romance, basically. I still feel my teeth getting rotten when I think about the epilogue. As you may see, I don't really like it.

Through this was the fic because of which I've met one of the best persons in my life, so of course I'm also quite grateful to it!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

From myself lol Through I've never got anything bad from my commenters, everyone is always so sweet and nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I try to avoid it as much as I can haha. Don't like to write it. Through actually there's a lot of feelings and relationship aspects which can be shown through the sex, so it's kind of sad - I'd liked to be better with that. If I write then I try to finish it as fast as possible haha so usually they're rated M and have a really non-graphic smut. Sometimes that really affects atmosphere of the writing (in bad way), so for example I think it's visible in charity project (kaisagi), which just can't be written without a smut scene

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, and not that I want to - maybe I did when I was younger, but I almost don't remember that time. Though I've mentioned Esperion from Ao Ashi in Birds and Wings!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, at least I don't know about that.

12. What's the longest you've ever spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

Longest - it's really hard to tell, since there are a lot of fics which I write quite fast but I think for months about the idea, settings and thoughts I want to show. Maybe it was Pilgrims (kainessagi), took so long for both research and writing. I've rewritten it multiple times, and at some point I had 12k words in my cut-out document and 2k in final one.

Shortest - I don't know, probably cyclicity (kainess) or summer in your eyes (tabiori). I wrote both of them in span of 3-4 hours. But again, it also involved a lot of thinking before haha

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, never. This may be interesting but it involves too high level of trust and organization between writers to do that

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oikage once and forever.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have so much of them. I think "electrical dreams" for academic rivals kaisagi without existence of Blue Lock - I've been thinking about it since March or April. Isagi gets in German university in the last attempt to continue playing football, and Kaiser have lost both football and Ness because of his own overconfidence. They meet, but for both of them this moment is almost the worst in which they could have. Also there are awesome background tabiori. But it includes so much smut (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) And drama haha I've started it multiple times, but it just doesn't sounds right. Not sure if I'd be able to write it the way I want.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oh… Not a good question to answer for me with all of my self-esteem issues haha But if I'd say about myself, most of all I love how I'm determining the central theme of the work and then build the whole story around it. I have few works where I allowed myself to be silly or simply writing angst of course haha, but mostly I take this part of writing really seriously, especially in the long works. The central point of my writings usually is absolute acceptance, and when I write it this way I really start to feel some hope towards myself as well.

For example, Kurana (Snuffy & Lorenzo if they met a few times before) is about how you never may know how your impulse act of kindness towards less-fortunate can affect one's life. How you can give someone hope and will to live by simply being a human. Birds and Wings are about how a single person, who finally believes in you can change your life in an instant, and how much of hope and self-esteem this can grant. How all of us are becoming better near the person who trusts us. And Pilgrims are about total acceptance of yourself, including all the bad and good and gray parts. That in the world so huge sooner or later of course you'll meet someone who'll understand you as no one else does, even if their experience is slightly different. That even in a world where you're alone one day you won't be.

Also my planning skills! I always write a plan before starting a long work, even with small one sometimes. Sometimes it changes in the process of writing, of course, but it's still nice to have a base like that. And I also write down there parts of dialog or small acts which I want to add. This can take weeks or months sometimes, but in result works becomes better than it may have been and much fuller.

And maybe the fact that I can force myself to write even if I don't want too or too tired, because else I won't write a single word in months :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, I can rumble a lot about it haha. Sorry if it sounds kind of pathetic. But in short, I think it's either a weak English or the fact that in the end there's almost nothing which can be said about my works. I see that works with the same or lesser amount of kudos get 2-3 times more comments, and of course I'm jealous a bit of it because of my perfectionism, but most of all I'd just like to know why my works don't create similar wish to share the thoughts which appeared throughout the reading. What do they lack, what should I improve - I'd like to know that to become better. Maybe I'd like for a beta reader to read and criticize some of my works so I'd know where to dig, but again this requires a high level of trust.

I also think that characterization variety is my weak point - I'd say I have canon-like understandings of them, of course, which is shown for example in charity project or sacrifice (kainess), but I write a lot about same characters. And it will quickly get boring if I'd explore them from the same side. So my works often have entirely different characterizations, which especially visible with my kainess fics.

And the fact that I'm always trying to jump over my head in everything, and sometimes this badly affects the resulting work.

Also probably the fact that I don't read now as much as I did when I was younger, and of course this limits me in my writings. But usually I'm too tired to process normal literature. Through nevertheless I've almost finished Hesse's Steppenwolf and "The Orange Balloon Dog" of Don Thompson (through it's about art). Hope I'd had more time at the break between semesters.

I'm also almost unable to write something short just for fun (because I want to ✨show✨ something, but usually I don't have much to lol), and this really limits me. I have ~120 ideas in my drafts, but I would never write them because I know they will turn out too empty for my taste, and I'll dislike it the way I dislike some of my both posted and unposted works. Also it's hard for me to write works with more than 30k words, since I'm too laconic and can't make myself to add more scenes when I criticize myself that its 'unneeded' - even if it's purpose is to show development of characters relationships. The fact that I prefer to finish work first and only then publish it chapter by chapter because I'll afraid than else I would abandon it and disappoint someone just adds to it. Too short for maxi fics, too long for drabbles, the drama of my life.

But in the end of the day my main reader is me, and most of time I'm satisfied with my works! Of course there's a directions in which I want to evolve, but still the way I write now is the style I've always adored in other's authors works while I grew.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I know only two languages aside of the English (and basics of Czech and French which I've almost forgotten), and they can't be used in bllk fics. Once I tried to add something like that in German (when my friend who knows it a bit helped me) to Kaleidoscope, but this was a mistake haha

Through I know plenty of programming languages 🫡 One day I'll write Sae analyzing his famous statistics data in R and it will be the end for y'all.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, I don't remember, this was so long ago. Probably Once Upon a Time or BSD.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

sun compression for sure - it gives me so much hope when I think about it. Love this feeling of soft calm wind filled with the sun after the storm - the feeling of serenity, if you get me. The feeling of recovering and starting a new life, leaving all the bad behind, finally looking into the future with hope. Still can't believe I've written something this beautiful. And I really love setting of Baden and kaisagi which I've written there.

[notasapleasure]

The first handful of posts on my dash this morning were all like 'where will you go when we have to leave tumblr/I could never blog anywhere else waaa/now that tumblr is dying...' and I scrolled on assuming eventually I'd find some explanation as to the nature of the current bin fire. But no? Were these posts just coincidence or what?

[clocktowerlodger]

blue hellsite now looks like the blue hellsite

i love how sterile and uniform new ui’s are

[muppetebbtide]

discworld dashboard simulator

❓ ankhmorporkpolls

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

This is like that tsortian guy who had to pick between goddesses and started a war and then died. Or like paying the assassin's guild to kill you

🔪 treefroghousealumni follow

*inhume

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

piss off you posh knob

🍴 priestessofanoia

tbf I don't think the watch is wasting its time on this blue hellsite so ur probably safe there. the POSTMASTER however...

#sometimes I think only bloody stupid johnson could have come up with this fucking site

10,435 notes

🪻watchofficial follow

ALL'S WELL!

🍴 priestessofanoia

nvm lmao 😭

47 notes

☕ klatchmeifyoucan follow

.

#ppl on here are actually sooooo ankh morpork centric it's insane #'EVERYONE knows webblethorpe the unconscious' who??? why the fuck should I??? #like HELLO there's other places on the disc? #and klatch is NICER like omg

4 notes

unseenuniconfessions reblogged:

🦧 unseenuniversitylibrary

Ook

#SO TRUE KING

100,034 notes

Anonymous asked:

Is lord vetinari gay

🪄ramtopswitches answered:

Why would you ask us, a ramtops witches blog, this

50,432 notes

🔮 uucompetitiveeatingchamp follow

CALLOUT: @ /spanglersal (deactivated)

• started a Kickstarter to crowdfund a click of Captain Vimes & Errol then disappeared with the money and has gone completely ghost on everyone

• apparently stole over 100k

• cringe

Read More

2000 notes

Anonymous asked:

Blessings be upon this askbox

🌷queen-of-lancre answered:

I don't know if this is nanny pretending to be granny, or if it's actually granny, and I think I'm too scared to find out

435 notes

cmot-dibbler-enterprises sponsored

SAUSAGES INNA BUN ‼️‼️‼️‼️🌭🌭🌭🌭

🏚️ throwingshades

Gonna go skating on the frozen river ankh!!

💀 nojusticejustus

HAVE FUN

🏚️ throwingshades

Thanks man!

34 notes

✉️ ampostofficeofficial follow

🐸 bursaaaaaaaaar

is. is the post office posting crab rave bc reacher gilt just turned up dead

7013 notes

🧳 agateantravels follow

The Crumley's Hogswatch grotto is being advertised again but somehow I just don't think they can top last year's... like idk where they got the budget from but the real pigs?? CRAZY. my little sister asked for a pony and there was just one in the house when we got back like?? My mum was PISSED but yes talk abt Hogswatch magic. Still wonder how they pulled it off

345 notes

💖 angelofmusic

It's literally SO unfunny to be making jokes about the Opera Ghost when you all KNOW I saw so many of my friends DIE last year??? I literally have so much PTSD from it... like it's so insensitive you're all actually the WORST

#vent #don't rb #some of you will say ANYTHING for a cheap laugh :(

5 notes

🐊 genuablogging

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “narrative causality” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw the Duc turn into a frog

My buddy Mrs Pleasant, pacing: Lilith de Tempscire is lying to us

456 notes

[1-800-kami]

R U MINE? feat. gojo satoru

gojo satoru has got to be the picture definition of a stereotypical college frat boy. he’s cocky, loaded with his daddy’s money, and dangerously handsome. it seems like common sense to stay away from him since you’ll never get more than a one-night stand out of it. 

that’s why you choose to turn a blind eye once you’ve come to the horrific realization: you’re in love with him. and you’re just itching to ask…

“are you mine tomorrow? or just mine tonight?”

IMPORTANT: part two is out! read here :)

content: 8k words, afab!reader, angst! fluff! heartbreak! n everything in between! implied smut, rich college frat boy gojo and hellcat driver geto 🤑, emotional rollercoaster, reader has a toxic ex, trust issues (?) gojo is absolutely insufferable, misunderstandings, use of words hoe, slut, etc., mutual pining, some jjk character cameos (wink wink) me writing very unfunny dialogue, no bc wtf is this, cheating implications, emo gojo (the worst warning of them all)

author's note: hello hello! my name is kami, i've been reblogging fics on tumblr for a while now but i've recently figured out how to work this hellsite, so i'm going to start posting fics that i write! thank you to those who enjoyed my nanami drabble <3 kisses 4 u all.

this fic IS split into two parts (update: part two is now out!! linked here 2 read) and there is smut in the second part. so just. prepare yourselves for that ig.

reblog and interact for a kiss ;)

“so… let me get this straight.”

“go ahead.”

shoko takes a deep breath, and you just somehow know that she’s pinching her nose in exasperation right now. “utahime dragged you out to a party in hopes that you would hit it off with somebody. you wander off on your own and later, she sees you and gojo–THE gojo satoru–giving you his number?!”

“uh, yeah. that’s exactly what happened.”

“do you even understand what you’re getting yourself into?! that man bags hoes like they’re pokemon!” you readjust the phone against your ear and sigh at shoko’s comment. 

“okay, first of all, never say that again. second, i rejected all of his advances. i didn’t even save his number.” you stare at the crinkled-up note in your hands, which proudly displays his number and a slick call me if you change your mind ;). you wonder if you could sell this paper to his fangirls–you’d surely make a little bit of cash out of it. “i’ve seen gojo around. i know that i shouldn’t mess with him. plus, he was drunk as hell at the party; i doubt he even remembers my name. to him, i’m just some chick that he’s frustrated at because she didn’t want to fuck him the second she saw him.”

“do you… do you share any classes with him?”

“i don’t think i do.. just, don’t worry about it, okay? i’ll throw away his number and we can put all of this behind us. here, i’ll do it right now.” you rip up the paper into a few pieces before tossing it in the garbage can. hopefully, you did it loud enough that shoko heard it through the phone. “i get that you’re worried for me. and i appreciate that, but i can handle myself.”

“just… no more mention of gojo anymore, okay? you’re right, y/n. let’s just put this all behind us.” shoko sighs, and you smile at that. problem solved. you threw away his number, and he’s most likely moved on to the next girl by now, so that was that. now, you just have to forget about satoru gojo.

all to never let yourself get hurt ever again.

it’s hard to forget about gojo.

not because of those dangerous blue eyes of his–getting anyone lost in them if they stare for too long. not because of his stupid silvery white hair, which makes him look like a mop, and sometimes like a paintbrush. not that stupid cocky grin of his, either…

...but because you’ve recently found out that he sits next to you for physics.

the revelation was truly disheartening. you thought you could avoid him for the rest of the year because as far as you knew, you shared no classes with him. however, you completely forgot about the fact that gojo never attends class in the first place, and you don’t even know what classes he’s in… because he’s never there. so finding out that the seat next to you in physics wasn’t just an empty seat, and it was gojo’s assigned one, was truly an experience.

“gojo.” the name alone makes your heart stop, and you drop your pen to look at the man your teacher was addressing. “finally choosing to attend class for once?”

speak of the devil.

there he was, in all his glory–the man you’d never thought you had to deal with ever again. the man who tried to butter you up with his corny sweet talk so that you would go home with him for the night. the man who persisted with talking to you, even though you were barely interested. the man, who, at the end of the night, insisted on writing down his number for you in case you changed your mind about him and gave him a chance.

you wanted to shrink into your seat and never resurface. 

“good morning, yaga!” he says rather loudly, with no regard to honorifics at all. a few giggles could be heard across the classroom–though geto suguru’s voice was prominent–satoru’s equally as infamous bestfriend. “and yeah! it’s surprising, isn’t it?”

what’s also surprising is how gojo took a seat next to you. you thought that there was a mistake, that your teacher would scold him for sitting somewhere he isn’t supposed to sit and relocate him elsewhere. however, yaga just grumbles and begins the lesson, leaving you helpless and unable to look at the man next to you.

you swear he’s burning holes at the back of your head.

pleasdon’tremembermeisweartogodpleasedon’trememberme-

“you’re that girl from the party, right?” he whispers, and you’ve never wanted to disappear so badly in your life. you slowly nod your head, turning to look at him, and he pouts. “y/n l/n. you never saved my number. hmph, i was looking forward to a text from you, too.”

“i’m surprised you even remember me, 'cause you were fucking wasted that night.” you twiddle your pencil, averting your gaze from the man. “and i never saved your number cause i threw the paper in the trash. it’s probably at a landfill somewhere, y’know.”

your words catch him off guard, and you laugh at how surprised satoru looks. it seems that’s definitely not an emotion he shows often. despite his initial reaction, satoru swears he could feel butterflies with the way your laugh sounds.

“not a common problem for a womanizer, huh?”

“what did you just call me?!-”

“y/n and gojo, do either of you have something to share with the class?” a dark blush of embarrassment covers your face, and somewhere in the back, you could hear geto snickering. gojo just smirks at yaga, seeming completely uanffected. “then i’d suggest you stay quiet the rest of this lesson. don’t make me separate you two.”

“i’d prefer that, actually…” gojo huffs at your comment, thinking of this as a lost opportunity if the two of you get separated. he does a once over at your appearance. you’re cute, but definitely not the party kind. you’re playing hard to get, and gojo finds it adorable–not a lot of girls go that way with him. however, gojo thinks you’re not just like any girl. there’s something different about you that intrigues him.

“did no one ever tell you that it’s rude to stare?”

“how could i not? you’re so cute.” 

“i thought you already learned from the party, gojo. i’m not interested in you.” 

the light blush coating your cheeks says otherwise. he smiles cheekily at the way you tried to hide your reaction to his words. you’re an enigma to gojo… and he’s drawn to you like a moth to a flame. he thinks he’s made his decision.

he’s gonna do whatever’s possible to get your number.

when the bell rings 30 minutes later, you shove your notebook into your bag, eager to finally leave the class that you had with that stupid paintbrush. that is, until he stops you with a question. “what class do you have next?”

he’s relentless. “why do you care?”

“i want to walk you to your next class,” he says, and smirks before saying his next words. “it doesn’t really matter if you tell me or not. i’ll just follow you anyways.”

you sigh, absolutely exasperated with him. he’s like a fly who keeps invading your personal space—always coming back no matter how many times you swat it away. he’s right, though. damn him for being stubborn. “i actually have this period free.”

“oh, sweet!” he chirps, walking with you out the door, making sure to greet geto before he leaves the classroom. “let’s go to the courtyard. i’ll buy you a drink from the vending machine-“

“i was gonna do that regardless if you were here or not.” you give him a look, and you can’t help but tug on your sleeves when you see people whisper to each other as you walk the halls with gojo. of course you’ve heard the rumors. the man next to you is the most popular guy on campus. girls glare daggers at you and the guys call his name, although he barely even acknowledges them. 

some common things that you’ve heard about gojo around the school are: “i heard he only talks to girls for sex,” “apparently his best friend geto is just as much of a player!” “i mean, who wouldn’t fuck a guy like gojo, though? he’s hot and loaded.” “that’s how he reels you in, though. he gets his hand in your pants and never calls you back again.” you know you should stay away from him, it’s common sense, but it’s hard to stay away from him when he’s the one who glues himself to your side. 

“well, now you’ll get a free drink and we’ll get to know each other! isn’t that great?” he smiles and you just grimace at his words. 

“i don’t need your money…”

“don’t care! can’t hear you!” he says, and you’ve seriously considered just making a run for it. at least you’ll lose him, and you’d finally be able to find peace for a bit. although, it would cause a scene, and gojo would probably end up finding you again somehow. 

“what can i do to get you to leave me alone?”

that piques his interest, even though he looks slightly hurt by your question. he thinks for a bit, and smirks. “i really do want to buy you something from the vending machine.. and i want you to spend your free period with me. i’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day if you do.”

“do you promise? like, actually?”

“mhm! pinky promise!” you feel like you’re talking to a prepubescent boy.

“then sure-“ you’re about to agree, but he cuts you off with one more condition.

“i also want your number.”

you feel like you’ve been cursed by a god, because having the most popular guy on campus be interested in you has got to be the most chaotic thing to ever happen in your life.

“what do you have me saved as?” 

the question comes from out of the blue, and you look up from the book you were completely absorbed in. you and satoru were at the school library, on a “study date” as he calls it, although it was more so just gojo inviting himself to wherever place you go, as per usual. this time, you have an exam to study for, and you explicitly told him not to bother you unless absolutely necessary.

you do have to say, though, he’s not annoying as you thought he was. he just nagged you way more the first day he sat next to you in physics so he could get your number. it’s been a few days since then, but still, you’d definitely be more efficient in your studies if you didn’t have him attached to your hip all the time.

“satoru, i told you not to bother me-“

“unless absolutely necessary. yeah, i heard you, and this question needs an absolutely necessary answer! contact names really say a lot about our relationship, y’know.”

“relationship? nobody ever said we were even friends-“

“don’t break my heart like that, babe. plus, you don’t call me gojo anymore! it’s satoru to you now,” his heart warms at that realization, and you scoff, especially at the pet name. “we are friends, unless you’d like to be something more...”

“if you say anything else i’m calling you by your government name. gojo satoru.” he looks especially wounded by that.

“ah! don’t do that, please. it feels like we’re a married couple and you’re really mad at me.” he cries and you can’t help but giggle at his words. you decide to entertain him a little bit, fishing through your pocket to find your phone. 

he almost passes out at what he sees on your screen.

“it’s just my number? you didn’t even save my contact?!-“

the shushes from your fellow students and the librarians aren’t even enough to calm gojo’s agony and despair. it also does nothing to stop your laughter, either.

from that day on, gojo’s contact was forcefully changed from his number to “satoru” (he initially added a heart, but you deleted it, much to his disappointment) and one of his many selfies from his stupid instagram account. how the hell can a college student even have thousands of followers?! you think. 

gojo just says that nobody can resist his shirtless post-workout selfies. you’re surprised that you didn’t slap him at his words.

you push him away.

everytime gojo buys your favorite drink, (it’s always on him, despite your genuine insistence in saying that you could pay for your drink just fine.) everytime he walks you to all of your classes each day, (he memorized your schedule just so he could do this) everytime he buys you your favorite foods on the rare instances that you let him take you out for lunch, (usually, this requires a lot of begging, and you mostly relent during class when you’re just exasperated and wanted to get some notes down.), and everytime he calls you by those stupid pet names of his, you think back to what the entire student body says about him, and you think back to your phone call with shoko, where she warns you to not associate with him so you don’t get hurt by anyone ever again, and you push him away.

you push him away even when you realize that if he just wanted you for sex, he would’ve stopped chasing after you when you didn’t text him after that night at the party.

and that thought alone scares you.

still, you’re not heartless. satoru’s been asking to take you out for a while, and you finally agreed to go today. he’s especially chipper about your agreement right now, walking with a slight pep in his step as he bit around his ice cream cone. 

the park boasts some beautiful scenery today, and little children are out and about. still, you underestimated the weather, and the cold uncomfortably nipped your arms as you internally cursed yourself out for wearing just a shirt. you crossed your arms as a subtle way to shield yourself from the cold.

“don’t play coy with me, y/n. are you cold?” satoru says with a cocky grin, and you huff at his question. surprisingly, he drops the teasing act and unzips his sweater, handing it to you. “here, take it.”

“satoru-“

“i’m not doing this to flirt or whatever you’re thinking right now. you’re shivering, and i’m just concerned for you, so please wear it.” he deadpans, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him be so… upfront? you kind of like it. it’s not him teasing you or him being flirty. it’s just him showing that he genuinely cares for you as a friend. you take the sweater with a nod and put it on, ignoring how your heart is thumping as you take in his signature smell. cedarwood with a little bit of musk. it’s not an overpowering scent, but it still envelopes your senses.

“nevermind. you look so cute with my hoodie on. i feel like we’re in a j-drama right now, y/n!”

you take back everything you just said.

a few minutes later, you two are near the kids playground when you decide to take a break from walking, sitting on a nearby bench with gojo. the chirping of the birds and the wind passing through the trees is quickly overpowered by loud crying. crying from the child right in front of you, in fact.

you’re about to ask him what’s wrong, but satoru beats you to it. he kneels in front of the kid, and coos, “hey, buddy. what’s your name, hm?”

he stops crying for a moment to look at gojo and shakily responds, “gumi-um, megumi fushiguro..” 

“megumi, huh.” he clicks his tongue for a moment. “why are you crying, megumi?”

“i-i don’t know where my dad is!” he cries, and satoru looks to you for help. you just shrug, unsure of what to do with the lost kid, until gojo’s face lights up, assumingly with a great idea.

“he’s most likely just around here somewhere. you can wait with us, and we’ll help you find him! say, do you want an ice cream to help you feel better, megumi?” the boy hesitantly nods, and satoru gives him a thumbs up as he takes him to the nearby ice cream stand. you’re watching this entire scene unfold, absolutely enamored with gojo for the first time. you didn’t think he had a natural talent with kids—but the way he’s making megumi laugh while he happily snacks on his ice cream says otherwise. an outsider could look at you three and assume that you’re just a happy family. 

you try to ignore how that makes you feel.

and as you wave goodbye to megumi once he eventually is reunited with his father again, (an intimidating man who gave you two an appreciative nod as he walked away with his son.) you realize something as you tug on the sleeves of your-satoru’s sweater. 

you’re in love with gojo satoru.

and fuck, that revelation scares you more than anything. the last time you had given your heart to a man, he had crushed it repeatedly until you decided that you would never let yourself be vulnerable like that ever again. 

and now, you're in love with your school’s notorious playboy—and it feels like you’re setting yourself up to be heartbroken again. you want disregard those rumors and shoko’s words so badly, but they still eat at the back of your mind even though the real gojo satoru is right in front of you, and he doesn’t match the characteristics of the gojo satoru in those rumors at all.

you also remember that he has one real best friend, geto suguru. you like to think that this is also what geto sees in gojo. the reason why he’s stuck around.

the reason why you want to stick around too.

you’re so busy in your head that you’ve just noticed gojo frantically waving his hand in your face. “earth to y/n? oh, good! i thought you had, like, a shock reaction from seeing megumi’s father. he looked a little scary, no?” 

“he looks like if a muscle came to life and started talking.” you whisper, and he laughs in agreement. burying your hands into the pockets of his hoodie, you smile. you don’t want to think about your current revelation with gojo right now. instead, you’ll stick with the present. and right now, you like the present.

you just don’t want to think about what this means for your future.

it’s the weekend, and you’re doing some work at the local cafe, gojo-free for once. only god knows what the man is doing at three pm in the afternoon on a saturday. not like you should be thinking about him right now, though. his presence alone has caused you to be behind on your studies, and you need to make sure you catch up.

you have to admit, you were a little unused to the silence. usually, the silence would be filled with gojo’s endless banter with you, as well as his terrible, corny jokes that are so stupid you can’t help but laugh. his seemingly never-ending presence was annoying at first, but now, you’re starting to yearn for his company.

it further fuels the pit of uncertainty in your stomach, and you hate it.

shaking your head with a sigh, you take another bite of your pastry and continue typing up the report on your laptop. the looming thought of this report’s impact on your grade and the need to pass this class helps you forget about satoru for a while. once again, you get lost in your academics.

the ring of the cafe bell breaks you from your trance. it was a natural impulse of yours to glance at everyone who entered the cafe, but once you did this time, you felt your heart drop down to your knees.

it was your ex. 

your ex boyfriend who destroyed the notion of love for you, because he made you feel it for a short time, only to throw it all into a pit of fire and leave you scrambling to find nothing but ashes. 

if you had to find the true roots as to why you’re so afraid to pursue a new relationship–you always find your ex in the center of it. and now, he’s right in front of you. you have to face him again when you refuse to shamefully admit that you’ve barely even healed from the emotional scars that he’d left behind. 

you feel as if an invisible hand has wrapped itself around your throat, blocking your airways and your ability to speak.

out of all the days satoru wasn’t here with you, it had to be this one.

“y/n? is that you, sweetheart?” you wanted to vomit at the way he said your name. he had no right to say it so sweetly, when all he’s ever left behind is venom. 

“i don’t want to talk to you.” you cringe at the way your voice cracks, and you avert your gaze from him.

“please, just hear me out for a minute, baby..” he coos, and you hate the way he talks to you as if you were a child. “i know i fucked up, and i can’t change our past… but i can change our future together. if you take me back, i’ll show you how much i’ve changed-”

you don’t know how many times you’ve heard that stupid line before.

“god, you sound like a broken record with how many times you’ve pulled that bullshit on me.” you spat, loud enough to draw commotion in the cafe. your ex has surprise written all over his face–most likely due to your non-compliance to his words. “what, do you say that shit to all your hoes?”

your ex looks around, shrinking a little when he sees all eyes are on him. “now, now, y/n, no need to be like that-”

“be like that… be like that?! you’re telling me to be civil when you’re the one coming in here wanting me back, spouting some bullshit saying that you’ve changed, when i told you to leave me alone already!” you scream, and you could feel the tears bubble up in your eyes. you look down, so you aren’t able to see how everyone’s staring at you with pity. god, you hate pity. it makes you feel weak and vulnerable. the two emotions you absolutely loathe. “i just want you to leave me alone, god. i hate you, why won’t you just-”

“you fucking bitch-” he makes a move to lunge at you, and you instinctively take a step back, pure fear enveloping your senses.

you never feel the impact, though, as you see your ex being restrained by the cafe worker.

you remember him. the man who took your order earlier. he was an older man with a warm smile on his face, although you noticed how his cheekbones were slightly sunken, and he looked a little overworked. you jokingly quipped earlier that he should get some sleep before thanking him for making your order. he just replied, i get that quite a lot.

the size difference between your ex and the man is enough to discourage him from fighting back. he makes quick work your ex, dragging him out the door while he hysterically screams profanities to you on the way out. you assumed the worker threatened to call the police, because your ex scrambled up from the ground and ran away. you hoped this was the last time you would ever see him again.

“are you okay, ma’am? he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

you didn’t even realize that the worker was back inside the cafe. everyone was gradually returning to their own businesses, with the eerie silence being replaced by casual chatter once more. you also didn’t realize how much your hands were shaking, and you huff out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “y-yeah, i’m alright, and he didn’t hit me. i just… need a minute,”

you decide that you aren’t gonna get anymore work done like this, so you pack your laptop into your bag and slump onto the seat with a sigh. you bury your face into your hands. “is it a long story?”

“oh, don’t even get me started.”

he laughs at that, and you ease up a little. “i told him i’d call the police if i ever see him around here again.”

“that’s good to hear. though i’d prefer if i never see him in my life ever again.”

he hums at your words, and he turns to look out the window. “it’s getting dark out. do you want me to call you a cab?”

“no need, i’ll call my boyf–my friend. i’ll call my friend. he’ll uh, pick me up.” you’re still so shaken up you barely even register what you said to him. your eyes are frantic as you turn your phone on and look for gojo’s name in your contacts. you don’t know why you want him to pick you up out of everybody. you could ask utahime or shoko right now, but you just wanted nothing more but to see gojo.

the bell rings again, and you flinch at the sound. thankfully, it was just another customer. the worker sighs. “well, these orders aren’t going to be done themselves. just wave me over if there are any other problems, okay?” 

you nod absentmindedly, and he turns to leave, but you stop him. “wait, sir, what’s your name?”

“kento nanami.”

“thank you so much, nanami. i appreciate it.” 

“i’m just doing my job.”

“your job is restraining crazy exes of college girls and kicking them out?”

“‘it comes with the job description.” he teases, and you laugh lightheartedly. “and your name is?”

“y/n l/n.”

“anytime, miss l/n. again, just please… call me over if anything happens.”

“will do…” you say, pressing the “call” button on gojo’s contact. the anxiety is hitting you again, and you take a shaky inhale. you’re surprised at how he picks up almost instantly. “hey… satoru? yeah, can you come pick me up, please? i know i don’t normally ask you to do something like this but-”

“did something happen?”

“a lot happened, actually… i’ll text you the address. please, just come soon.”

“of course, y/n.” you could already hear him running out the door, hearing the roar of his car engine coming to life. “i’ll be there as soon as possible.”

he gets to the cafe in five.

you wave goodbye to nanami, thanking him once more as you get in the passenger seat of gojo’s car. 

it’s not your first time inside here, but you still can’t help but admire how… expensive everything looks. or maybe you’re just looking around because you’re stalling, and you have no idea where to begin with satoru. 

however, you notice that he’s not asking you what happened, and he’s not forcing you to explain anything to him. instead, he switches the gear shift out of parking and says, “do you want me to take you home?”

your eyes widen at his words, and you shake your head no profusely. the last thing you want to be is home alone right now, mainly because your ex knows where you live. you know he most likely won’t go that far with you, especially since nanami knocked some sense into him… but the possibilities still scare you. you take a deep breath before saying your next words.

“...can you take me to your house? i-i’m sorry for asking, i just don’t want to be alone right now cause i’m terrified and-” 

“y-yeah. i’ll take you to my house.” he says, and you’ve never seen him so nervous in your life. it almost makes you laugh.

“i’ll explain everything later. i just… wanna be somewhere safe first.” somewhere safe. you find his house as a safe place. gojo doesn’t know how to react. his heart is thumping wildly out of his chest, but he makes sure to put your own comfort before his feelings.

“you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” he says, maintaining his cool by keeping his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel and the other on the gear shift.

“but i want to, satoru…” you say. you can’t believe you’re doing this again. you’re crossing so many territories that you were so afraid to cross because of your ex. now, you think you aren’t that afraid anymore. not if you have satoru by your side. 

you place one of your cold hands on the gear stick, interlocking it with his. is he… shaking? “thank you for this.”

still. there are so many things you can’t say to him yet. you don’t know when you’ll be able to… or if you’ll ever be able to.

i love you. i love you but i’m too afraid to say it. i just hope that you’ll be able to wait for me.

“god, you’re killin’ me here, y/n.” 

that pit of uncertainty in your stomach has grown so large you feel it's about to consume you whole. you don’t think you mind much, though.

the two of you are lounging at his couch after satoru insisted on telling you to make yourself at home. there’s a movie playing, with neither of you paying attention at all, takeout on the coffee table, two glasses and a bottle of wine after gojo didn’t know what drinks to serve, and freaked out by pulling the first expensive drink out from his parents’ alcohol closet. has he never properly invited someone to his home before?

“so in short, you had a crazy ex who saw you at the coffee shop… and he was begging for you to take him back, and when you went off on him he called you a bitch and tried to hit you…” he recalls, a huge grimace on his face. “tch. the cafe worker shouldn’t have let him go like that.”

“i’m sure he learned not to mess with me after getting humiliated in public.. and nanami did more than enough for me.” you retorted, and he gave you a sour look. 

“oh, so you know the worker’s name now?” he says, and you could feel the tension build up in the air. oh. so he wants to do this with you? “what, is he your knight in shining armor?”

“he looks like he’s in his late thirties, satoru. i’m not into older guys,” you roll your eyes at his absurd questions and add, “what’s it to you anyway?”

“what’s it to me, y/n?” he repeats your words, and you could feel an argument coming, like you already didn’t have an exhaustive one with your ex. “you know how i feel about you-“

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” your voice is getting louder, all to hide your fear behind the implication of his words. you distance yourself from him on the couch.. much like how you distance yourself from letting satoru get too close to how you truly feel. “we’re not even together, satoru. you don’t get to control the guys that i talk to- hell, have you even seen yourself?”

you’re rambling, and all you want to do is shut up, but you can’t bring yourself to. “i’ve heard what our school says about you. y-you’re a playboy, right? and you only ever talk to girls because you wanna fuck them. i’m not stupid, satoru. i’m not different from any of them, right? you only chase after me because i’m playing hard to get and that pisses you off-“

“what… what are you even saying, y/n?” he asks, and it stops your rambling for a moment. you don’t know what you’re saying. you’re pouring out all the reasons why you’ve tried to push him away, the reasons why you were so afraid to give your heart to him. but now that you say them out loud, they sound outright stupid. 

“i started coming to class just to talk to you, i memorized your schedule just so i can walk you to class every morning. i buy you all your favorite food and drinks… i had to memorize your favorites too, by the way. and i have shit memory.” he’s screaming at this point, and you’ve never had satoru scream at you. there are unshed tears in his eyes, and it’s all overwhelming to watch this unfold. “and when you called me, i drove as fast as i could to you because you never call like that and i was fuckin’ worried!”

“so let me ask you a question, y/n… would i do all these things for you just because i want you in my bed?! i’d do anything for you, and you know that!” he’s crying. the gojo satoru is crying, and it’s all for a girl. if you told this to someone in your school, they’d call you a shit-faced liar. gojo satoru doesn’t cry for a girl. he makes them cry.

“i’m sorry for being skeptical, satoru! i just can’t help it when there’s so many rumors about you wanting to fuck girls just for the shit of it – and i’m conflicted on whether or not i should believe them because i want you so bad and i’m scared you’ll end up just breaking my heart and i don’t want that to happen again-”

he cuts you off. “you… what?”

you’re confused at why he looks so surprised, but then you backtrack on your words and you gasp. fuck. why did i say that? you cover your mouth and look away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

those stupid blue eyes that you know you can’t get enough of.

“y/n… can you please say that again? i don’t want to do anything if i didn’t hear you right.” his voice is soft now, and you swear that you’re dreaming. this isn’t real. right? i’m gonna wake up soon. you dig your nails into the palms of your hands, leaving half-moon marks in their wake. it doesn’t work, and you don’t wake up, and you know you have to accept the fact that this is very real and it’s happening.

this is the worst leap of faith you think you’ve ever had to take in your life.

“i want you so fucking bad, satoru. and i’m realizing that you’re not just the stereotypical rich playboy that everyone talks about on campus—you’re a really great guy, and i guess i’m just scared to face that-” you don’t even realize that satoru’s got you cornered on the couch, and you can’t finish your words as he slots his lips against yours. hard. it’s the most passionate kiss you think you’ve ever had in your life, and it’s got your breath taken away in seconds. holy shit.

you quietly moan against his lips as you kiss back, cupping his face with your hands and wiping his tears away. you wish this moment would last forever, but you pull away so you can breathe. you meet gojo’s eyes, and they’re clouded with lust and desire, but you could tell he’s still a little uncertain. “we’ll talk later… just take me to the bedroom already,”

gojo doesn’t need another confirmation from you, and he lifts you up to carry you to his bedroom, practically tripping on his feet the way there.

a few hours later and a noise complaint from the neighbors, it’s safe to say that gojo satoru was the best one you’ve ever had.

“god, i’m never letting you go, baby.”

he’s tracing hearts onto your bare back. it’s littered with bruises and red scratch marks just from a few minutes ago, but you’ve never felt better in your life. you stare at the man who invited himself into your life just from an encounter at a party, and you thank your lucky stars that you agreed to go with utahime that night. “is something wrong? you’re starin’ again.”

“i’m sorry it took me so long to trust you. i’ve just been scared to open up my heart again, especially after him.” you don’t have to name “him” for satoru to understand. 

“i’m sorry too. i just got angry about the rumors and i also disregarded the fact that you’re scared to love again after your ex did all of that shit and-” he pauses, and sighs. “sorry. i’m rambling again.” 

he pulls you into another kiss, and this time, it’s sweeter, lighter, and full of love. “i’m going to show you what it looks like to really be loved, because it’s definitely not the shitty picture that your ex painted in your head. there’s way more to it than that.”

“i love you, y/n.”

“thank you, toru.” you whisper. maybe, one day, you’ll be able to find the courage to say it back. and it’s okay, because gojo is willing to wait an eternity for you. 

he’ll wait an eternity for you to teach you how to love again.

“look at how beautiful you are…” gojo says, appearing out of nowhere as he wraps an arm around your waist. you yelp, staring at your boyfriend through the mirror. he’s wearing a classic black tuxedo, with no doubt it being very expensive. it compliments the glimmering rolex on his wrist, and the thoughts running through your head about him and his outfit sets fire to your stomach.

“look at yourself first, toru… god, we should just stay home,” you tease, turning around to pull him into a deep kiss. it’s a friday, and gojo’s taking you out to attend geto’s party tonight. the two of you are going for several reasons. he wants to introduce you to his bestfriend, since you realized that you’ve never actually formally met geto before. it’ll also be your first formal “couple appearance”, as if gojo being attached to your side all the time doesn’t say enough about the two of you already. 

gojo pulls away, which surprises you. you pout at the expression on his face. “as much as i want to, suguru’s been bugging about you all week. i really do think it’s time for you to meet him,”

“hmph. alright.” 

“i’m tearing that dress off of you the second we get home, though.”

“satoru!”

“what?! not my fault my girl looks so damn hot all the time!”

this night is going amazing.

when satoru walks with you through the front doors, arm wrapped around your waist and the dress you picked out for tonight glimmering, you feel a little shy. the guys all whistle at the two of you, and the girls whisper amongst each other, but you and gojo don’t care. in his eyes, you’re the only girl he sees. the only girl worth being with here. 

“wanna go get drinks?” he asks you, cerulean eyes showing underneath his sunglasses. you nod, walking to the kitchen with him. you’re getting severe deja vu… you can’t believe you met gojo at the last party you were at. and now you’re at another party, with gojo as your date. you scan the crowd for utahime or shoko, wondering what you would say to them if they saw you with the man they specifically told you not to mess with.

it’s alright, though. shoko was wrong about those rumors, and gojo’s proving it to you.

“satoru!” the playful voice greets your boyfriend, and you turn to see geto suguru. you’ve seen him around campus, and he sits somewhere in the back of your chem class. you haven’t really had the opportunity to talk to him, though… and he looks a little intimidating.

“you must be y/n,” he says, offering you a freshly opened smirnoff from the drinks on the countertop. you thank him and grab the drink, taking a swig.

“yup! my lovely girlfriend,” gojo lets go of his arm around your waist to grab a drink. 

“you probably don’t know this, but i’ve been his wingman.” he smiles at gojo, who’s pouting, like he’s preparing himself for what suguru is about to say. “he’s batshit crazy for you, its insane.”

“oh? do tell.”

“when the two of you got together, he left me a voicemail at like… four in the morning? anyway, he was screaming about how he was the happiest guy in the world… or something.”

“that’s because i was!” you’re laughing at how unashamed satoru is about this.

“yeah, yeah, whatever.” geto clicks his tongue, pulling out his phone. “and he’s reposted you on insta to like, every drake song-”

“alright, me and y/n are gonna go dance.” he interrupts suguru, and drags you away from his best friend with a yelp. “nice talkin’ to you, suguru!”

“hey, i wanted to know more!-”

“shh, you don’t need to know about all of that.” the two of you are in the living room, in the midst of all the bodies dancing and grinding against each other. he pulls you close to him, and you feel his hot breath against your neck. “you look so beautiful tonight, y/n.”

“same for you, handsome. let’s dance, shall we?” you wrap your arms around him and just sway to the beat. you’ve never been much of a dancer, but everything feels natural as long as gojo’s with you. 

suddenly, the music changes, and one dance starts playing. you two look at each other, and you both burst out laughing at the same time. “have you reposted me to this song?”

“duh. it’s a classic.”

“can’t disagree with that.” you say, finding yourself grinding against satoru while wizkid’s part plays in the background. it feels like such a perfect night–you’re pulling satoru into a deep kiss, and he shoves his tongue down your throat while he’s leading you to a nearby couch. you’re seated on his lap, mimicking practically every couple in this party tonight. 

suddenly, you pull away, and you whisper, “i need to use the bathroom.” 

satoru smirks at your words, thinking that it’s a hint for something else, and you give him a sour face. “want me to join you-”

you hit his chest playfully. “that’s not code for anything, you perv. i actually need to piss.” 

he’s pouting at your words, but he lets you off his lap anyway, and holds your drink for the time being. “it’s at the second door in the hall to your right. be quick, please.”

“no duh. i’ve got a cute date to come back to,” you say, walking away and traversing all of the bodies that smell like sweat and alcohol. you’re a little unused to this environment, but it’s alright. you fix up your makeup in the bathroom and freshen up a little, walking back to the living room to find satoru again. 

you wish you never did.

you were gone for four minutes. five minutes max. you come back to satoru, and your breath hitches at the sight.

on his lap was a random chick that looked like every other girl at this party. she was practically naked, since her outfit didn’t do much to cover her skin at all.

fuck.

you remember the first time you saw gojo at the last party you went to. the sight wasn’t that different compared to the one now. there were girls all over him, all fighting for his attention. and yet, it seemed that night, his attention was focused solely on you.

what bullshit that was.

your eyes are blurry, and the music is muffled in your ears. white noise fills your senses, and all you want to do right now is run.

so you do.

you run, not caring if gojo saw you at all or not. you run out of the party, eternally grateful that you didn’t pick out heels for tonight and settled for much simpler shoes. you run, despite the fact that you drew geto’s attention. you were already out the door before he could ask what was wrong. you run, just wanting to get away from everyone and everything. you run with no particular destination in mind. you stop running when you almost get run over on a red light, the car honking at you–screaming profanities as it drives by. it breaks you from your trance, and you sit on the curb of the sidewalk, letting all of your tears out on what was supposed to be a perfect night.

of course gojo didn’t think that you were different. you were just like every other girl to him.

stupid. stupid. stupid. you’ve never felt so stupid in your life.

when geto sees you running out the door with unshed tears in your eyes, he immediately panics. what the hell happened?

he goes through every room of the house, trying to find gojo, when he hears a bunch of commotion in the living room. he runs there, pushing past everyone, only to find a total disaster inside.

he sees gojo screaming at a girl dressed like a stripper, who was on the ground with tears in her eyes. satoru looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel with how pissed he looks. there’s a crowd forming at this point, and geto knows he needs to intervene, so he drags his bestfriend away, who looks so distraught that geto could just wonder what the fuck happened.

they’re outside now, and its significantly a lot more quiet out here compared to all of the chaos inside. all the noise is coming from gojo—who won’t stop crying, and geto has no idea what to do or where to even begin. “fuck!”

“dude, what the fuck happened!?” satoru looks like he’s feeling every emotion at once. he looks pissed, pissed enough to punch a wall, and geto’s a little afraid that gojo might actually do that–or worst-case scenario, punch him. he’s crying, and geto hasn’t seen gojo cry ever since he fell off a swing in pre-k, so what happened must be really fucking serious.

“i don’t KNOW what happened, goddamnit! y/n went to use the bathroom and some slu- some girl came up to me and threw herself on my fucking lap! i was gonna tell her to fuck off but y/n saw before i was able to and now she’s gone and she probably thinks that i’m just some cheater when i’ve worked so hard to get her to trust me and-FUCK!”

he stops, trying to calm down a little, and gojo takes the shakiest breath he thinks he’s ever taken in his life. the red in his vision starts to fade, but he still feels helpless. “i just don’t know what to fucking do, suguru.” 

“i just saw y/n run out of my house a few minutes ago.” he says with a grimace, and he’s trying to figure out what to tell his bestfriend. “i’ve never seen you like this over a girl before. holy shit, you really love her, do you?”

geto thinks that gojo’s bloodshot eyes, the brutal names that he called that girl at the party, and the tears he’s shed for you are already an answer.

“this is your last chance to prove it to her, satoru.” geto fumbles through his pockets and hands him the keys to his challenger. gojo snatches them, hearing the car engine rumbling itself to life. the white-haired man thanks his best friend as he steps into the drivers’ side, with geto reassuring him, ‘ill deal with the chaos inside, you go ahead and explain yourself to your girlfriend’.

gojo swears that he’s never driven so fast in his whole life.

part 2 ;)

[theimpossiblescheme]

I am getting really goddamn sick of the phrase “main character syndrome”.  It makes sense for when somebody consistently acts like them and their emotions are the only ones that matter and fuck anyone else, but if somebody just... has an extreme emotion or makes a decision that centers themselves in any way?  That’s not “main character syndrome”--that’s reacting like a normal human being.  If you’re the one who can’t spare any compassion for their situation and acts like people should always exist in a way that’s convenient to you, I’m sorry, but the call is coming from inside the house.

[in-madhouses]

Decided to blaze something as a experiment. If you’ve landed here because of that post, please accept my apologies because we be all unhinged here. That is all.

[katy-l-wood]

I've seen a lot of posts welcoming new Tumblr users, but I haven't seen any welcoming old users BACK. So, if you're returning, here's some fun new stuff Tumblr has added. Some of this may be desktop only right now, but Tumblr has been very good about migrating features to mobile without too much delay. I'm also primarily a desktop user, so some buttons may be in different spots on mobile.

You can now turn off reblogs on your posts, even the old ones. Click on the little gear icon at the top of the post window and towards the bottom to set reblogs to "anyone" or "no one."

You can have up to 30 images in a post now! Just be sure to be respectful and tag it as a long post.

Speaking of long posts, you can now set tumblr to automatically shorten anything over a certain length. It's under Settings>Dashboard.

Tumblr now has content labels, which is what has allowed them to bring back mature content art. These are important, so please use them. You can turn them on on each post individually by clicking the "everyone" drop down next to the "post now" button. And you can control how your dashboard shows or doesn't show labeled posts by going to Settings>Account.

You can now filter tags and post content via tumblr itself without using something like XKit! This is also under Settings>Account.

Tumblr offers an ad-free subscription now. $40 a year. If you love this little hellsite, this is a great way to show support!

Tumblr also allows users to pay to turn their posts into ads now. It's called blazing a post. It is great fun and generally hilarious. You have no control over your audience. You're just yeeting your post, of any sort, not just advertising, off into the void. An ad-free subscription hides these posts, but you can in fact turn blazed posts specifically back on while blocking the rest of the ads. Blaze a post by clicking on the little flame icon at the bottom. You can only blaze your own posts.

You can buy fun little tchotchkys for your dashboard and, sometimes, the dashboards of others. Right now we've got crabs, a horse that shits everywhere, and the super special double blue checkmarks. These are just fun little things to play with.

You can now enable tipping on your blog/individual posts. Totally optional, of course, but can be useful if you're a creator.

Staff has been a lot more active this last year, so if you want to keep up with what is going on be sure to follow @staff, @changes, and @wip.

That's all I can think of. Everyone else is free to add to this!

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.

but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.

this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.

at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.

the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?

did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".

sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."

sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.

sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.

it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.

[unowneyenon]

EDIT: i made this list only a little while ago and ever since then SO MANY FINDINGS ARE OUT!!!! OMG EVERYONE IS SO SMART!!! this list is VERY VERY SMALL ANS A LITTLE OUTDATED!!! for the more updated version, go to my profile and it’s the pinned post!!!!!

🏡 The Welcome Home Update Discovery List!🏡

DISCLAIMER🏡 this edit is a HUGE WIP right now and i edit this post very frequently! VERY. i can find new material very fast, which makes it hard to publish it all fast!

hello neighbors! the new welcome home update just released and i hopped on in immediately—i made a post about it literally 10 minutes ago. since then, i’ve already found MORE and MORE content!! thus, to share this information with the fandom and also help others find how to access some of this information (of which nobody else has really posted about yet AT THE MOMENT I AM TYPING THIS) i’ve decided to create a big update masterlist of everything me and others have found it this update it will be updated regularly and will be pinned on my acc! happy findings! (ps: please boost this if u can i want to solve mysteries with this hellsite!!)

🏡videos!🏡

side note—it appears all the main glitchy videos with the voice actors can be found by clicking on the numerous bugs around the site! SIDE side notes—i don’t use a computer to access welcome home, so maybe there is a way to do this on a computer. on the front page wayyyyy at the bottom near the count of how many people have visited the site, there’s a beetle i cant click on that just SCREAMS “click me!” PLEASE someone click it because it will not be me

the spider — found on the top right of the “stickers” page, this video goes through a conversation between barnaby & julie, with julie saying really bad jokes in attempt to be funny (she’s is but she isn’t at the same time! i love corny jokes so she’s funny in my eyes). also, something i’ve noticed throughout these videos appears to be that wally is in many, if not all of them. he’s just nonverbal and does not speak. at ALL. but he is in them. barnaby actively talks to a person beside from julie, and at the end, julie says a sentence that ends with “… wasn’t it wally?” asking for his opinion. BUT BUT BUT the video cuts and glitches off as soon as she says wally! it’s very similar to how all these videos end!!

the praying mantis — found at the bottom of the “about us” page, clicking on a little preying mantis will lead you to a video of sally and julie rehearsing for a play! idk if it has any deep meaning yet (besides the random deep voice at the end) but it’s so silly!!!! like julie is so silly i love her!!!! (TW minor glitching and weird deep voice at end which is sorta a pattern in the vids)

the fly — found on the page titled “welcome home” and can be accessed by clicking on a fly that appears on screen. this video depicts frank and barnaby’s voices, discussing frank’s flowers in his garden. the video itself shows what appears to be a smashed orange/pumpkin thing in a woodsy area, as (what i think looks like) a face looms in the background (TW sorta loud noises and glitching!

🏡audios!!🏡

both of these audios are of wally speaking directly to the listener, and can be found on the “welcome home” titled page (at least that’s where i found them) by clicking on crayon-drawn flowers shown here:

yellow flower — depicts wally asking the listener “what are you waiting for? to hear from me again? hahaha! that means you can hear me.” , as a heartbeat noise is heard in the background (it’s not as creepy as it sounds i promise)

red and blue flowers — wally saying; “that’s what an eye looks like. my eyes are black. what color are yours?” as a heartbeat noise plays in the background

house scribble — found DIRECTLY on the front page like as soon as you enter the site. wally says; “there you are! welcome home! hahaha” he’s so silly imo

the star — found on the stickers page by clicking the star scribble. this one kinda scared me a LITTLE with what was happening on screen but wally says: “do you like to draw? i do. do you know how to draw an eye? first, you draw a circle. then, you draw a smaller circle inside. then, you color it in.” this one’s really cool go watch it and you’ll see!

🏡other stuff i noticed (WIP)!!🏡

in the “spider” video, julie says to barnaby that her joke will “knock your [barnaby’s] head off!” which is funny, but not the haha way. because there is art made by clown illustrations of barnaby, who’s head is rolled on the floor

like. ITS RIGHT INBETWEEN HIS LEGS ON THE FLOOR. HIS HEAD IS OFF

[decolonize-the-left]

You are literally going to get people killed by pushing them to vote third party. People voting third party is why Trump won in 2016, which allowed him to stack the Supreme Court with conservative garbage which is going to negatively affect us for DECADES to come (already has, since it led to the repeal of Roe v. Wade which has LITERALLY killed people). I'm baffled, because you've done so much good work on this website (like I still go back and regularly reread your posts on whiteness etc because they're so informative), but advocating for voting third party going into one of the most important elections in recent memory is actively harmful.

Like have you heard of Project 2025? In case you haven't it's literally like a 1000 page manifesto for the Republican party to reshape the federal government to essentially let the President become a dictator. It also expressly mentions plans to roll back rights for women, the LGBT community, and pretty much any other minority you can think of. I know things are bad now - not arguing that at all - but if Republicans win next year, things will get EXPONENTIALLY WORSE.

You can sit there and yell about Democrats being "just as bad" until you're blue in the face, but it's literally not true. The Democratic Party itself is obviously just another problematic institution and there are definitely Dems who showed their entire asses with supporting Israel, but like... Progressive Democrats do exist and while they're obviously not perfect, it's absolutely a step in the right direction. Not to mention Republicans literally need to cheat by gerrymandering and attacking voting rights for minorities in order to even get elected in a lot of places, whereas Democrats tend to win when more people are registered and actually show up to vote. They are not the same, and the harm they do is not the same.

Again, I have a lot of respect for the work you do, especially with your recent posts on the Palestinian genocide. But I vehemently disagree with your stance on voting third party in this upcoming election. Ideally I would love if we could vote third party and actually have multiple options that more accurately represent us as a population, but our current system is a two party one and unfortunately we literally do have to vote for the lesser of two evils, because one option sucks but preserves what little democracy we have (and gives us a chance of making it better) and one will literally bring genocide against trans people. I would personally rather not see that happen.

How can you say this and mention the Palestinian genocide in the same ask.

Democrats are getting people killed. In fact they're committing one of The worst crime against humanity possible and then only thing you're worried about is that things might get worse for gay people if a Republicans wins.

I'm the biggest queer I know. I'm native. I'm brown. I'm almost definitely on a watch list. And listen to me and understand the depth of my words when I say: my people have been oppressed the way Project2025 outlines.

And maybe you personally cared or helped us protest that. But most people didn't. In fact I can't remember the last time the US supported native rights at all.

But now that YOURE under threat I'm supposed to risk my life because the queer community can't be bothered to stop discoursing about neopronouns long enough to actual give an shit about saving the community?

Y'all got a lot of damn nerve, let me tell you.

Go bark up some other tree cuz this is not the one.

Also I'm not pushing anyone to vote 3rd party. I'm laying out facts. Facts are a Gallup poll says 63% of people would vote 3rd party. Facts are my Tumblr poll says that number is STILL at least 45% on the hellsite.

And since people are interested in voting 3rd party they should know their options. The people who say "I would vote 3rd party but they don't have support" also deserve to see the articles that said 63% of people would join them.

They deserve to know that 3rd parties currently hold a not insignificant amount percentage of support from the two main parties. 20% of votes. When 33% is an even split are good odds. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sorry, blue Fascists, but this country is in fact still a democracy and just because you Want people to vote blue doesn't mean they have to and you feeling they're the best doesn't make you right!

Other people aren't "wrong" for not wanting your conservative Jurassic party in power anymore.

They can vote how they want.

And if you see a poll that says 63% of people would rather NOT vote for either major party and your first thought is not: wow 63% is enough to elect someone we want, I'll support that.

And instead you go: how can I force them to vote for my party instead.

Then please understand it is not THEM splitting the vote. Biden will get MAYBE 40% votes. You gonna force 63% of the country to vote for someone they don't even want?

There's a name for that yeah?

How'd it work out in 2016 when y'all "forced" us to vote for Hillary by putting her on the ballot? She lost and she wasn't even actively commiting a genocide.

But you think Biden will not only earn votes from that 63% but he'll also win the election. Against trump. Which less blatantly shitty democrats have struggled to contend with?

Democrats are legitimately delusional.

Your problem is you see Democrats as being better than Republicans. While the rest of us see less and less of a difference every year. And you can only say you're "better" if you're different enough.

See this is what happens when you vote for the "lesser evil." Eventually that evil balances back out and you're left with the truth that your two main options are just evil.

Now the only people actually different enough to make that argument are third parties.

Coincidentally, that's what people are drawn to right now.

I know, go figure. It's almost like it makes sense to lose support when you consistently prop up shitty candidates nobody asked for every 4 years.

We do not have a two party system and you know that, that's why you sent this ask.

Cuz you're stressed dems might lose. Cuz you KNOW people have other options.

Good. Cuz they will lose if Biden is the democrat's nominee and Claudia de la Cruz stays in the race, which she will since she's running with PSL not democrats. So there's no competition. Her party is organized and chosen her and a VP already, she's guaranteed every one of their votes because her party works like a union does.

It's a wrap.

Biden can't use his "lesser evil" script with Claudia De La Cruz on the ballot actively challenging his genocide and imperialism.

Vote Claudia De La Cruz cuz you are a scooping water out of the Titanic trying to get 63% of Americans to think voting for a Genocidal warmonger is what's best for any of us, let alone the planet. And we didn't want him BEFORE he did any of this.

[yelow-heart]

Welcome twt immigrants or just newcomers o///

Every week a new wave of twt refugees arrive and so I decided to put together a tumblr 101 to keep ur experience the most stress free and safe as possible

So here it goes:

You can delete comments or plain out disable comments from your posts! So much control.

You can also edit your posts. It even was a meme back on the olden days where a post would go viral and then the op (original poster) would change the post to something silly and the reblogers would look like wierdos or dumdums lol

You can disable your asks or make a rule so people can't ask as anonymous

Report spams!! You can even get rewarded for it. But, even so, report it, they get immediately taken down temporarily

The report system work and the tumblr team is very responsible when investigating an account/post. It's not nuance and easy to make. No one will judge you for it, in fact, it's common culture to do so. It's how we battle pornbots, spams, hate blogs etc.

You have full control of your blog! What people can see, what it can show, block hashtags and the whole shbang.

The algorithm works! Only the things that YOU search for and like will be recommended to you. And if something u no longer has interest in shows up? Just click that u don't want anymore and immediately everything u don't want goes away.

There are many famous blogs that are fun to follow, specifically as newcomer, to really get u on the tumblr experience such as: heritageposts, thebootydiaries, hotboyproblems, showerthoughtsofficial, fartgallery, haikubotofficial and many others. These are just the ones I followed when first arrived back in 2016;

Yes, there are celebrities among us but they're just... here. Vibing, chilling. The most famous ones being Neil Gaiman and Taylor Swift. Here they are just people;

You might have noticed a lot of blogs with blue verification badges. Some with 20 of them. Some are rainbow! That's because Tumblr made a parody of the verification mark from twt and it was fcking hilarius. We loved it so much that it's a thing now. U too can feel very important if u want!

It's worth going the trending tags. Sometimes they are broken, but it's mostly memes or important world news stuff that are actually relevant and helpful. It's safe and you'll have a fun time lurking on other people's fandoms. That's actually how I got into some of my fandoms to begin with;

Crabs.

And there we have it! I might have forgotten something, but I not too worried as I know that people might add it later on. 😉

Welcome welcome!! You'll be safe here. No matter who you are you find a community for you here

It's a hellsite, but it's our hellsite

Remembered something:

It's important to have a profile picture and header image. An reblog a few things before following anyone. Or you will be reported because people will think you're a spam bot kkkkkkkkk so do nurture your blog a little bit before venturing into the unknown.

[litaskick]

so this is actually a re-post. i wrote this fic months ago, then ended up deleting it shortly after, so enjoy it being back on this hellsite

warnings: smut

masterlist • request page • prompt list

shall we celebrate

You closed the door of your bus, Cody already ahead of you making his way into the bedroom. You let out a breath, it had been a stressful week. Cody had got injured before his Hell in a Cell main event, but still ended up wrestling. It definitely stressed you out, his torn pec was bad, bruising his chest and arm a shade of blue and purples. You went to the small bathroom, getting ready for bed. You quickly washed off your makeup, brushed your teeth, and then changed into some pajamas. When you finally got into the small bedroom, Cody was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He was wearing only sweatpants, no shirt.

"You okay?" You asked quietly, getting into the bed gently as to not accidentally hurt his injury any further.

You were met with silence. "Cody?" You questioned.

"I need you, sweetheart." He suddenly said.

"W-what do you mean?" You asked, surely he didn't mean what you were thinking.

He turned his head to look at you. "I need you to ride me."

"I mean are you sure? I just don't want to hurt you-" You rambled.

"I'm sure, we need to celebrate such a big win, don't we?" Cody assured you.

You nodded, quickly stripping off your pajamas and underwear. You pulled Cody's sweatpants off, leaving him in his boxers for the time being. You straddled yourself on top of your husband, his blue eyes staring at you lustfully, waiting for your next move. You leaned down to capture his lips onto yours, tongues swiping against one another. He brought one arm up to firmly wrap around your waist, his bruised arm staying down against the softness of the mattress.

"I want you to show me how good I did tonight, princess." Cody told you lustfully.

"Yes sir." You answered.

You started grinding your bare core on his thigh, trying to gain friction.

"You did so good tonight." You praised seductively, pressing kisses on his chest, being careful as to not apply too much pressure onto his torn muscle.

"Seeing you out there like that..." You paused to press a few more kisses up to his neck.

"It was kinda hot." You finished, lifting your head back up to look at him.

Cody had a smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah? How about you show me how flustered it made my princess." Your husband told you, giving your ass a hard squeeze.

"Yes sir." You replied, rushing to pull his boxers off to reveal his dick, slapping onto his abdomen.

You pulled the boxers completely off, throwing them over to the other pile of clothes on the bedroom floor. You hovered over his cock, lining your entrance up. You finally sunk down into him, a loud moan escaping you, meanwhile a groan came from Cody. You began to slowly bounce.

"Shit baby, you feel so good." He praised.

Cody brought his other arm up to your waist, using his hands to guide your bouncing. You started going a little faster.

"I bet all you could think about during my match was what's under those wrestling tights, hmm princess?" Cody questioned.

"Yes daddy." You moaned in response.

"Princess, you're so tight and wet, all for me. 'Feels so good babe." He said, bringing your face down to capture you into a kiss.

You let your head fall onto his chest. "Fuck, I'm close." You whimpered.

With that, Cody flipped the two of you over in one swift movement so that now he was on top. He winced at the sudden pain in his torn muscle, but ignored it and started thrusting into you. His thrusts were fast and rough, desperate for you to come all over his dick.

"C'mon baby, cum all over daddy's dick. Give me my reward for doing so good tonight." Cody shouted over the loud sound of skin slapping skin and your moans.

His words did it. You felt the coil snap in your belly. You let out a string of curses, shouting Cody's name as well. You felt his cock start twitching inside of you, a loud groan escaping him. You came, coating him with your liquid, and not long after Cody did as well. His white string of liquid shooting inside of you. He let himself fall on top of you, both of you sweaty and panting. You brought one arm up to lazily caress his arm. Once he caught his breath, he pulled out of you, rolling over to be your side. You whine at the sudden emptiness you felt, Cody pulled you into him, your head on his chest and his arm wrapped securely around your waist.

"You okay?" He asked you.

You tilted your head up to look at him. "Mhm, you?"

Cody nodded. "You did so good, made me forget about injury for a little while."

"I'm glad. Speaking of that, I didn't hurt you, did I?" You questioned, raising up to look over his injury with some panic.

"No, don't worry, I'm fine." Cody assured you, gently pushing you back down to where you were.

He started to get up. "Where are you going?" You asked.

"I'm going to clean us up." He answered, leaning down to give you a kiss.

"I'll be right back."

[thebibliosphere]

Hello! A long while back (it's had to have been at least a year at this point), you and Mothman came into where I worked with the lovely miss Holly Mop (she had fur stuck in her eye and was squinting it; we rinsed it out and sent her home). I recognized her from your blog, but didn't know how to say I knew you and read (and loved!) your work without it being awkward, since things like legal names automatically come up in our system, and I didn't want you to be worried about it? But I've (1/3)

also felt bad since then about not telling you because idk, I feel like you deserve to know if someone Recognizes You from the blue hellsite. So I guess I just wanted to say: you and Mothman were very lovely, and Holly is genuinely the cutest shih tzu I have ever seen irl and that is saying smth bc I have seen a lot. I also made a point to make myself forget everything else from that appointment, so I also have no idea who you are beyond your pen name. (⅔)

Sorry if this worries you at all - it was absolutely not my intention, I just feel you deserve to know. And I’m sorry for not telling you at the time that I recognized you. I do not expect a response from you at all, I just wanted to let you know, especially if it makes you uncomfortable and would want to block me for it ;v; I hope you have a fantastic evening, and thank you guys for being so kind to your veterinary staff. (3/3)

----------

You're going to laugh when I tell you this, but if you're who I am thinking of, when you took Holly Mop away, I turned to Mothman and said, "I think that person knows me. Or maybe they've just got Tumblr vibes. I think it's the hair."

So if you are who I think you are, you have great hair, and thank you so much for taking such good care of Ms. Holly.

She normally comes out of veterinary rooms traumatized, and our visit to see you at [redacted] was the first time that didn't happen.

It was one of the reasons we signed ourselves up for the waiting list to move her primary care there, which we just have! Holly is now an official primary patient where you work (provided you are still there), so if you see us in the future, please feel free to say hi! (if you want to, no pressure) It makes us feel better to know she's in safe hands with people who care about her and who don't set her anxiety off.

And also, please don't feel bad about not saying anything the first time around. It can be hard to walk up to someone -- especially at your job -- and be like, "I like your shoelaces" (though it has happened to me a couple of times at Target, Walgreens, my hair stylist, lol) and don't worry about knowing our identities. There's a handful of people on here who know my legal name vs my preferred name -- all we ask is that it not get posted anywhere.

Thank you for letting me know though, and thank you again for taking such good care of Holly Mop. We really appreciated it, and you made her feel so much better. 💖

[soulcandi]

𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 (𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬) | 𝐣𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 - 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞

synopsis: Widowed Jake Sully (sorry) gathers his four children to seek refuge in the isolated territory of the Metkayina clan. He warns them to be on their best behavior, but quickly realizes that it's himself he'll have to watch out for when he meets the eldest daughter of the clan leader.

warnings: jake's pov, alternating povs, mutual pining, written with afab!reader in mind, reader has a na'vi name.

a/n: cross-posted on ao3 and Tumblr <3 noticed some people on tumblr kinda ripping off my work so ig i need to establish dominance on this hellsite too. not sure if i vibe with the pov dividers yet, but they're there regardless.

word count: 2,092

masterlist, next chapter

The foreign white sands seemed to sink under my weight as I dismounted my Ikran. One arm held my youngest daughter against my hip while the other gestured for my three eldest children to stand down and lower their guards. I felt the weariness and apprehension radiating off of them, and understood it, but knew more in the ways of diplomacy than I ever thought to pass on. 

The people emerged from their dwellings in droves, peering out into the open sands at the new arrivals from beyond the horizon. Tuk began to stir in my arms as I hoisted her up higher. My legs threatened to buckle underneath my body with every suggested movement. I hadn’t stepped foot on solid land since we first disembarked from the forest floor. I couldn’t afford to. 

A low hum rose from the curious silence as the people’s wonder turned to fear. Who were these people? Why have they come to us? 

I threw my head in every direction, searching through the many faces for that of Tonowari, who met the sky people in battle alongside me many years ago. He of all people would understand our dire situation. My stomach churned when out of a thousand faces, all melted into a rippling sea of coral blue, none made any move to come forward. Instead, I began to take notice of the pointed spearheads prodding out of the makeshift barricade. They were arming themselves. 

A commotion behind me made me whip my head around just in time to catch Neteyam making a grab for the bow strapped to the saddle of his Ikran. “Tiftang,” I hissed. Stop it. If these people saw us as a threat in any capacity, it would be onto the next clan, then the next, and the next, until we came across someplace stupid enough to harbor five fugitives from the forest. 

Neteyam met my eye and hesitated before lowering his arm helplessly to his side, a dejected look quickly masking the curiosity that I detected in him immediately after landing. Just as soon as the whispers ceased, they returned tenfold. When I looked back down the beach, it didn’t take long to establish why.

A single figure emerged from the wall of defensive clanspeople, stepping across the platform of pliant sand as if it were a marble runway. It was effortless in a way that should have made me uneasy but instead inspired a rush similar to adrenaline in my cold and wind-beaten body. 

 The very first thing I noticed was the flowing white cloth draped over your waist — a type of fabric I would have assumed was cotton back on Earth, but on Pandora, I couldn’t be too sure. A long slit ran all the way to your outer thigh and billowed like a sail on the open sea. Strings of beaded pearls twisted around both your legs like thin aquatic vines, and when you grew closer, I would soon notice how similar beads had been woven into the hair framing your face.

I had never seen anything quite like you – on my native planet or this one. 

Swallowing, I lowered a wriggling Tuk to the sands where she quickly disappeared behind her sister. I intended to meet you in the middle of the small peninsula, but as soon as I found the strength to move, you had already come within a few feet of where we landed.

There was something so regal in the way you composed yourself, with a sense of majesty that commanded the attention of all those around you, including myself. Anyone could have whispered in my ear just then and told me you were something ethereal — something larger than life — and I would have had no choice but to believe them. 

I immediately moved to make myself smaller, afraid of coming off as too imposing. Before I earned the respect of the Omaticaya, I was the oaf, the fool who didn’t consider his own size before running blindly into conflict. I refused to inherit that same legacy here.

Touching two fingers against my temple, I brought them down in a wide arch away from my body. “Oel ngati kameie.” I see you.  

Boy, did I ever.  

You met my display with a bow of your own, bringing two fingers to the space between your eyes. Your wrist was cluttered with bracelets woven from strong green fibers and I studied you shamelessly, assuming your eyes were closed when in reality, you were studying me back beneath your curtain of long eyelashes.

You heard them well before you ever saw them — the mighty flying beasts whose wings beat up the waters flying low over the edge of the reef. You were raised on stories of the Ikran and of the Toruk who ruled over them in the forest regions. But more often, you were ensnared by tales of Toruk Makto who fought alongside your father in the war against the sky people — those who hunted your tulkun siblings over the horizon. 

You were barely able to hold your own in those times of great sorrow, buried in your studies as you learned the ways of the Tsahìk – the role you were blessed to one day inherit from your mother. You long outgrew the audience of the village storyteller, but you had to have been blind not to recognize who now stood in your presence, bowed to offer you his deepest respects.

“Oel ngati kameie,” he spoke, voice low and tinted with a guttural edge. His eyes, a startling yellow that rivaled the burnfibers that grew in the underbrush around the clan border, moved not once from yours. 

Your face began to burn from the heat of his gaze – evaporating whatever seawater still lingered on your cheeks from your morning swim. A man who not once in his life reduced himself to beg was now pleading before you, empty hand still outstretched as if for you to take. 

In an attempt to hide the effect he was having on you, you quickly moved to fulfill your end of the gesture by touching your own two fingers to your temple. It was only polite by way of your people. Before you could part your lips and repeat his own words back to him, however, you heard furious footfalls upon the sand and staggered backward as your brother Ao’nung appeared out of nowhere and drew you close behind him.

“We have no peace with these forest people,” he seethed, turning back to glower at you before glaring straight forward at your unexpected guests. You were six cycles his elder, but no one would ever guess it by how closely he mirrored your father in both leadership and combat. Despite this, Ao’nung was undeniably a child; a child who did not yet wield the power of clan leader. 

Your brother had far to go in his studies, but if he were to become Olo’eyktan one day like he so planned, the village was better for it.

You watched as Toruk Makto — Jake’sully — drew his ears flat against his head like a wounded animal. Only then did he finally drop his hand and a wave of regret washed through you for not showing him his owed respect when you had the chance. 

Planted all around him was a small army of children, all cowering at his side. Two boys looked around Ao’nung’s age, or close. Beside them, bearing no signs of fear, only weariness, a girl with choppy black hair who reminded you very little of your sister stood before an even smaller child who was too far hidden behind the others for you to see clearly.

“That is Toruk Makto,” you whispered in warning, placing a hand on your brother’s shoulder. He huffed at your display of seniority but did not back down. “Ao’nung.” 

“His title makes no difference to me,” he scoffed. “Outsiders are unwelcome.”

Pursing your lips, you stepped back. “Where is father?” 

Any efforts you could have made to remedy the situation proved to be in vain as both your parents surfaced from the flood of villagers standing at the shoreline. Neither of them looked as forgiving as you might have hoped to be.

You could stand up to either of your siblings in a heartbeat, and you’ve done it a thousand times before, but both you and your brother knew better than to test them. Especially now, when human gunfire could be heard over the horizon in the deadly stillness of night. 

Stepping aside, you allowed the Olo’eyktan and Tsahìk past so they could cast their own judgment upon the forest refugees.

There was a flurry of mixed reactions when Tonowari announced to his people that my family and I would be allowed into the village. More whispers, which were expected, but no thunderous applause. Definitely no applause. 

The Metkayina looked down upon us like one would look upon a child struggling to stand, but with pity where hope should have been found. I could only swallow the last of my shame and give all the thanks I could muster. 

“Dad?” Tuk tugged on my tunic, wet with ocean spray and sweat from several days’ travel. I lifted her once again over my hip, using my free hand to unhook the leather satchel that hung from the saddle of my Ikran. Kiri and the boys watched me closely, waiting for the go-ahead to do anything but stand there rigidly. 

I nodded toward their Ikran. All three had been locked in a conversation entirely their own, comprised of clicks and caws I couldn’t even begin to understand. Not like Kiri miraculously could. “Get your things,” I commanded. No time to sit around and sunbathe. Not while Ronal could easily whip her head back around and overpower her mate’s decision to allow us refuge, sending us right back out into open seas with nothing but the last of our rations and a week’s worth of exhaustion. 

They snapped to it immediately, grabbing the netted sacks that held the last remaining fragments of their previous lives and dismissing their Ikrans to the skies. I followed suit before turning to face the village, our home for the foreseeable future, for a final time. 

Everyone else had long since wandered off, returning to their duties just as Tonowari ordered. Those that remained sprinkled across the sands were doing a half-assed job of pretending there weren’t five foreign faces walking amongst them. They watched from the shadows of their straw buildings, or from underneath the surface of their crystal clear waters.

But you?

You were standing right where I left you, hands clutched together in front of your body with a gentle smile pulling at your lips. I tried not to replay your first impression of me in my head for fear of ruining a second. I see you, I repeated to myself in the furthest reaches of my mind. I see you, I see you, I see you.  

“May the great mother look upon our meeting with favor,” you beamed like you had been waiting your entire life to roll out the welcome wagon. Considering the clan’s attitude toward outsiders, this was likely the case. “I will show you to our village. May I?”

The last of your words were directed solely to Neteyam, who was struggling to haul both his and Kiri’s luggage over his arm. He froze instantly in the presence of your warm smile and did nothing to deny you as you stepped forward and took his bag into your hands. 

You made a point to greet each of the children with a welcoming smile, even going as far as to offer Tuk a private giggle before meeting my gaze with a neutral, diplomatic air. “Right this way, please.”

A true leader in the making. 

If I stopped to ponder it long enough, I could force myself to remember you. In my first tour of the neighboring clans, when Toruk Makto was called upon to unite them against the sky people, you had been there. Hidden behind Ronal, I remember your eyes as clear as day. They were your father’s eyes, though brighter and filled with hope rather than wise resignation.

When your back was turned, I watched my eldest son gulp and shift his remaining bag higher over his shoulder. Lo’ak snorted and socked him roughly in the arm before taking off after his sisters, who hounded close behind your retreating figure as if it were a beacon in the dark.