#how to write a dissertation outline

[twinktorturer]

urgh im screwing everything in university up lately and it has me feeling like such a fucking idiot

[quinloki]

FuckNoWriMo

Here's my official Writing Challenge Post for anyone who wants to play along.

FuckNoWriMo will be held December 2024 for this year only, and will be held in March from 2025 on. Due to the terminology being used, this is probably an 18+ event, but I swore like a sailor at 12, and it's not like I can stop you from participating.

How to Participate:

Decide you want to write during the month of the event.

Write.

Bonus!

3. Post and share that you're writing, and what you're writing if you want \o/ 4. Tag your posts with #fnowrimo or #fucknowrimo

Want more structure? Certainly, allow me.

Pick one of the categories to run with and set that as your goal for the month:

A Word, if I May?: Write at least 31 words for the month.

Get That Shit Outlined: Write at least 1,000 words for the month. (33 words a day)

Give it the Gusto!: Write at least 5,000 words for the month. (162 words a day)

Hell Yeah, Write!: Write at least 10,000 words for the month. (323 words a day)

Words At Work: Write at least 20,000 words for the month. (646 words a day)

Punctuated: Write at least 35,000 words for the month. (1,130 words a day.)

Fuck It: Write at least 50,000 words for the month. (1,613 words a day)

Crazy 88 (it's a Kill Bill reference): Write at least 100,000 words for the month. (3,225 words a day)

Please note you may write anything:

An outline, several outlines, rough draft(s), poetry, journaling, lyrics, role-play with your friends, a campaign idea for a table top game, the script for a movie, show, visual novel, etc., notes to defend your dissertation, recipes, to-do lists - you get the point.

If you want to breakdown the granular concepts of an old historic text on index cards for shits and giggles, that counts too!

The event is less about the quality of the end result, and more about creating a habit to write daily. If you don't want to spend a lot of time fixing and editing a harried rough draft, then don't worry about the word count at all.

0 is a valid word count for the day. So is 1, or 10, or 100 or all those little numbers we often get discouraged seeing.

But set aside some time during the month, and write some fucking words, hell, write some words fucking. A real alphabet orgy. Be silly, weird, cringe, strange, gross, problematic, thematic - whatever \o/

Just write it yourself. I don't care if you dictate it, use the hunt and peck method, a pen, pencil, quill, or chisel.

But for the love of all that's holy -

No Generative AI

That's the only rule.

[meanbossart]

I'm not sure if it's been asked before but first of all your writing skills are just incredible🤌 After reading "A Novel Experience" it was like scratching an itch that I couldn't quite reach after years of reading burnout. In summary I was genuinely interested in how have you improved and developed your writing skills? Like honestly your writing is so addictive and captivating that (respectfully) there just has to be some kind of exposure to expression through literature, or perhaps you are just simply into reading. (That's a lot of yap and sorry if it's personal in a way or another. Also thank you for inspiring me and other people alike, you are a phenomenal artist 🙏)

Oh, thank you! I am beyond flattered and I truly appreciate that you enjoy my writing so much. To be honest I am actually very dissatisfied with my work for about half of A Novel Experience - when I started it, I had no audience, I just wrote and posted the first chapter as an epilogue for the game since the canonical ending felt pretty abrupt (we didn't have the official epilogue with the extended dialogue or Wither's party back then).

Then, I just felt like I had more to say, so I kept writing and by chapter 4-5 I had this huge story plotted out. I wrote a lot of those early chapters very quickly, and often while a little drunk, and considered them rough outlines rather than a finished work. When the story and my art began picking up traction I started to put more effort into my style and presentation, which is why chapters take a LOT longer to write nowadays - but I can confidently say that I am very proud of everything that came after The Compound.

I'm not really a reader, I'd be surprised if I read more than 30 books in my entire 28 years of life, and frankly I only started to enjoy fantasy very recently through admiring many of the fromsoft games from afar, and of course by finally playing Baldur's Gate 3.

One thing I will say is that the fictional books I've read that really stuck with me - and that I would consider to have influenced the way I write - have all had very unorthodox styles. Blindness by Jose Saramago is page after page of overwhelming walls of texts that read like a slowing-down clock or an agonizingly tight turning of screws; Blood Meridian is a nearly incoherent babble written by a man who outgrew the need or patience for commas or proper sentence separation, who knowingly disregarded grammar for the sake of feel. The Consumer is a collection of borderline pornographic and horrible, horrible stories where every character is abstracted into a wider social phenomenon, point of view is irrelevant and there is no line between narrative, dissertation, or poem.

Unlike the aforementioned works and their authors, I'm not talented (or crazy) enough as a writer to COMPLETELY forego construction and grammar, but I do feel perfectly confident in prioritizing feeling and flow over what is "correct" and experimenting with text in the same way I would on a drawing. I don't think any of this makes me good at it, but hopefully it makes it interesting or unique enough to stand out. It also means that, despite disliking those first few chapters, I don't really mind having them out there, since my purpose with them was to just have fun and try to capture "a vibe" rather than show myself off as some sort of wordsmith.

Well then, I've definitely outyapped you so we're even now. Hopefully this was interesting in the slightest!

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #41 | 5.28.24 ๋࣭⭑

It's hot girl (/gender neutral) summer season

HAPPY MAY!!

Hope you're all doing well <3 We're already getting into summer, which is a little crazy to me. The year is flying by! Before I get into what we actually did this month, it wouldn't be a May devlog without our annual Mermay celebration!

Look at those locks. His Ariel/Rapunzel era fr

Since I already had updated Mermay pieces for the Alaris LIs, I decided to do one for our beloved Van this year ^^ Hope you all like it!

For writing this month, I spent a lot of it catching up on Etza edits. Being totally transparent, I wasn't Completely Happy with their route when their draft was finished. But now that I've started the editing process with Wudgey, I'm really excited to see how their route is shaping up!!! We've been fleshing a lot of little interactions out with their route, and I can already see Etza's character really starting to shine with these edits ^^

I've also been chipping away at Kuna'a's route! While it's nowhere near finished, I'm hopeful that this upcoming month will be the month of Kuna'a now that I don't have a bunch of releases I'm trying to balance. His route is also one of the ones whose outline is more fleshed out (Druk and Etza I would say were the least fleshed out, which might be why they also took a bit longer). So I'd love to see Kuna'a's first draft complete/almost complete by the next devlog!

This month, I had to dust off my art skills tbh LMFAOIJSDF. It's been.... a WHILE since I've made CGs since I've been in the writing and coding dungeon for so long. So most of this month's art updates are me getting tilted from redrawing an ugly sketch over and over.

I DID manage to get the Van Mermay piece out. And I also was able to sketch out Kayn's Tragic End CG; that leaves only one CG that has to be sketched out! Currently, six of their CGs are finished, two need to be rendered, and one needs to be drawn still.

And since Kayn's CGs are mostly done, I've started drawing Fenir's. I was actually able to finish one because I basically Locked In when I made it, so here is a sneak peek!

Kisses his little pink nose

You might notice there's not toooo many updates on this month's devlog. The reason for that is because this month, I spent a lot of it recovering both mentally and physically. April shenanigans and those back-to-back releases took a lot out of me, and after going full speed basically since this year started, I learned I REALLY needed a break. That coupled with the concussion I got made it so that most of this month was focused on recovering and then getting back into the groove of things.

Another thing I tried to focus on this month was finding a balance in my workflow. Going into this month, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown almost every day, in large part because I have a lot of big things I'm trying to accomplish this year. Between finishing my dissertation, Alaris, and a personal big event that I have to plan, I have a lot on my plate this year, and it's made it easy to get overwhelmed as the months pass by. So I wanted to find a balance between all three that didn't make me feel like I was also falling into insanity. After talking to beloved Wudgey of @herotome fame, I've started adopting a schedule that gives me enough structure and flexibility to feel like I'm making progress without going crazy and getting lost in the sauce.

While it's still early in the process, I'm really happy with the balance I've hit, and I'm feeling much more like myself now compared to a month ago!

I caught up on quite a few things in my backlog this month, which made me happy ^^ I always like to learn from and support other devs, so finally being able to return to that helped with the recovery process <3

I don't have any actual fanart pieces, but there are a couple of games I'd like to highlight!

First of all, of course I must talk about our hot girl (/gender neutral) summer cross-promo. If you haven't checked out these games, I can't recommend them enough!!

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

Specifically, Save the Villainess, The Good People, and Thorn for the Villain are amazing games if you're into thriller/political games layered with mystery

The Silent Kingdom (which I played recently and is AMAZING) and Dual Chroma (Otojam 2023 ALLY) have added mechanics of RPG for exciting action-adventure fantasy stories

Lost in Limbo, Obscura, and Snow White Ashes are BEAUTIFUL dark fantasy games. I've played all three of these and they have some of the most beautiful writing and visuals... BIG FAN OF ALL OF THEM.

Mask Beyond Lies and Sigh of the Abyss have that epic fantasy adventure appeal to them, in a way that I think is similar to Alaris! And Pearlglow Cafe (another Otojam 2023 ALLY) is a very lighthearted and charming game for those of you who like the comfy vibe that most of my stories have!!

Some other games that I played are Favor (@favorvn) by beloved @concreteparasite which is SOOOOO stylish. If you've played Binary Star Hero by Connie, you can expect that same stylish, dark, sultry vibe from Favor. If you haven't checked out either of those games by Connie, I can't recommend them enough, especially if you like yanderes. There is so much aesthetic and atmosphere to them!

I also played Where Winter Crows Go by @prikarin who is a VERY talented developer (and one I'm sure many are familiar with). I had a lot of fun romancing Crowe and both the MC and him have such strong personalities, it was so fun seeing their dynamic!!!! The CGs were also made by anta, who is the dev behind Thorn for the Villain, and they're BEAUTIFULLLLL. Each one has so much style and rly has a professional look to them. Can't recommend enough if you haven't played already ((heads up that it is another yandere game for those who can't do yandere!))

Okay I've yapped enough. If you've made it this far, you are god's strongest soldier LFMASLDIFJ. See you all next month with hopefully some exciting progress!

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi sophie (again) one really quick note, the reason i read through your ENTIRE blog is because my dissertation is on facetious disorders portrayed and influenced by social media and the likes of such- it is literally a 250 page document about people like you. It's literally a part of my research to read long-winded things like this and write about them. My livelihood revolves around this. I don't expect to see a Dr. before your name, but you can damn well expect to see it before mine.

The only reason I sent that ask and wrote a targeted post was to get a response from you. The only reason. Had some writers block lol, I needed some material 😅😅

Another note to add to the grooming part was not about LGBTQ or transgender people as I am both myself. Please do not take it as a jab to your gender identity, and I apologize if it came off that way. It was in no way meant to insult you in that regard.

First, thanks for clarifying about the use of grooming. I don't mean to suggest you did intend it as a remark about my gender identity.

But I do think it's important to note in a "you are not immune to propaganda" way. Because I think, consciously or unconsciously, anti-endos have adopted transphobic talking points.

I assume and hope that this is unconscious. That rather than looking at how conservatives have used these talking points to harm queer communities and going "yeah, we can use that talking point too with these people we don't like," this absorption and repetition of these talking points is happening on a subconscious level. In which case, I think it's important to understand where they've originated and what the history is behind them.

As well as what misusing these terms normalizes. Because repeating them does contribute to a culture that is okay with using "grooming" this way to associate people they don't like with child abusers.

Now, allow me to first commend you on starting work on your dissertation so early. Working on it at just 20 is quite impressive indeed.

Although I have to question the subject matter.

A factitious disorder is when somebody is faking a disorder or pretending to have a disorder. It seems strange that you would seek to use examples of people who do not actually have a disorder and are not claiming to.

Even if endogenic systems were lying, unless they're presenting themselves as having a disorder they weren't, they wouldn't qualify for criterion B.

If you do want to write about people who have plural experiences without having trauma or a disorder, you might want to actually read my studies and research page. I'm sure that you could find stuff there that could help you on your journey.

And if you plan on writing about tulpamancy, specifically, Dr. Samuel Veissiere's Variety of Tulpa Experiences is probably most useful in understanding the tulpamancy community and viewpoints on the practice.

I would also recommend Learning to Discern the Voices of Gods, Spirits, Tulpas, and the Dead, as it offers a great comparison between tulpamancy and other forms of non-pathological voice hearing.

I imagine that these studies are much more productive uses of your time than scrolling through over 11,000 Tumblr posts, and would look better as sources in your dissertation.

Finally, if you are committed to doing a dissertation on factitious disorder, I would highly advise learning how to spell factitious. Because it's not "facetious" disorders, and spelling it that way might look a bit awkward on your dissertation about factitious disorder.

[thatblackstarinleo]

Honestly, started this thing thinking it would be like... 7 chapters. Something manageable. Something cute.

Right now? I don't even know how many chapters it's gonna be. The outline? Exists in theory. Like a myth. Like Bigfoot. It stares at me in silence. I stare back. We do not speak.

Will it end up being 100k? almost definitely. Will it end up being 150k? ...look. I'm not saying no. Will I ever write something short and normal? not in this lifetime.

Me, at the start of this fic: just a lil story to distract it from my PhD thesis writing :) something fun and low-stakes. no stress, no overthinking, just vibes. Me now: here's a multi-chapter emotional dissertation on intimacy, trust, codependency, hockey rivalries, and emotionally obtuse baby sharks. This is the thesis now.

ANYWAY... I might drop a little snippet today if I can stop tweaking it long enough to hit post 👀 stay tuned 💕

[the-invisibility-bloke]

fic writer interview

Thanks for the tags, @galaxostars, @microdamage, @shoopsthereitis, and @wolfpants! I love your deep dives, so much of y'all's on my TBR.

How many works do you have on ao3? 40

What is your total wordcount? 468,229

Top 5 stories by kudos: (please don't perceive these, I loathe my old work) now we walk, manie sans delire, Five Times Walter Meets Jesse and One Time He Says Goodbye, don't give me your heart i can't take it, blindsight

Do you respond to comments? Always <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? ​Hmm how 'bout the Starcest where Reg DIES​ (don't come for me it was by request)

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Most have happy endings (heh), but I think this one's extra sweet bc Teddy's a lil honeybear (which sounds dirtywrong so all the better)

Do you write crossovers? Not unless you count the one in the next question

Have you received hate for a fic? Rarely because I disable guest comments. 😅 The artist and I both got death threats for this blip on the radar, which is especially hilarious because it's hardly my most problematique work. (It also scared the artist out of the fandom, which is. Less hilarious. Fuck antis.)

Do you write smut? With great disdain (my style is ill-suited to action/logistics)

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Reposted but not plagiarized, I’m way too niche to attract that attention 😂

Have you ever had a fic translated? My Breaking Bad fic, randomly enough

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Kinda, or do artist collabs count? Those are the frosting on fandom cake.

What is your all-time favourite ship? A multishipper's nightmare. Gotta be the Sirry > Heddy or Sirry > Drarry > Tedrarry pipeline. Sirius died so Tedrarry could live.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will? ​My Gauntcest... it's all outlined, but I have to go where the hyper fixates

What are your writing strengths? ​Turn of phrase, dialogue​, ​cadence, emotion

What are your writing weaknesses? *cracks knuckles* Plot, action, pacing, versatility (I am not as well read as many of my counterparts because yep I’ll admit it, most tradpub bores me), the balance between ​poetic prose and character voice. I get Artax-swamped in descriptors, I recycle metaphors, I'm a cringey tryhard in the face of transitions, never know if they land and I can't ever leave a sentence bare. I know, I know sometimes you can just say "He walked to the door" but good sir no I cannot.​ I could parse my shortcomings at the dissertation level... oh... oh maybe a ppt... El’s Insecurities: A Treatise.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I love the immersiveness and/or hotness, but I’m biased because I usually only run across French and I can muddle through. If you’re unfamiliar with the language it might be hard to follow. (I’ve seen translation footnote links, which, genius, can a tech-savvy gen Z teach me this?)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written yet but would like to? ​Jalbus. Dralbus. Scarry. Drarry/Scorbus OT4. (Does Draco/Scorpius have a ship name? Scorco and Drapius are… yikes. Malfoycest it is.) Drarry as a two-wheeler and not a tricycle (soon soon soon).

What's your favourite fic you've ever written? ​Passion cools fast for me, but I like my Tedrarry. It got the biggest dose of my wit and sold me on Drarry (which, fail, given I wrote it for a rarepair exchange).

Everyone's already done this, I think? If you haven’t, tag you’re it, @ me. 🩵

[margridarnauds]

Something I'm tossing around in my head re: Chat GPT and academia is that...in some ways, I think it's a symptom, rather than the root problem. Not just of the structural ways that mainstream pedagogy + the general structure of academia (particularly in the States) sets some students up to fail, but in the way that a lot of work, even at the graduate and above level, is in itself treated as a product to be cranked out in the least amount of time possible as opposed to a work of dedication and love that requires thought and care and intricate research.

You want to get an undergrad degree? Crank out ~2-3 essays a year. These can be varying degrees of research, because the point is you need to get them in NOW and you need to get them in QUICKLY and you can't take any more time to do them than necessary.

(And for students who are later along in their academic careers, writing 8-10 page papers is nothing, but to that undergrad who's stepped into class for the first time? It might be the most complicated thing they've written.)

You want a PhD? Crank out that dissertation, and don't you DARE take longer than you should. How can you do it? We don't know, our obligation to you is over at five years. Also, you have a semester to come up with a ~25 page prospectus that gives a detailed plan for your dissertation before you can even begin WRITING it, which you'll have to get approved by your committee, so good luck!

Also, don't forget, while you're doing that, you need to keep submitting articles for publication, which you will, of course, have to format individually according to the style guideline of the journal you're publishing to! Publish or perish, so keep your head above the tide or you'll end up drowning!

And, on top of that, expect to write ~ten page presentations for conferences! Don't worry, you don't need to cite your sources TOO rigorously for this one, but you are going to need to make sure you know what you're talking about, otherwise you might be humiliated in front of the scholars you want to impress! Write, write, write! Create that Powerpoint!

You want academic tenure? Crank out that monograph! And don't forget to do it sooner rather than later while ALSO publishing articles and coming up with teaching plans!

Also, don't forget, with everything that you write, that it should be on something popular! Something in keeping with the latest trends, so you can be on the cutting edge! Wanted to do something else? Why did you enter academia if you wanted to follow your own research ideas?

And the point isn't that I think that Chat GPT is GOOD or that it SHOULD be used to write an entire paper. Frankly, I dummied a dissertation outline on it (note: my uni account...which I still hate that they provided for us...doesn't use it to train data, meaning that the environmental impact is minimal) and it was bland as fuck, factually inaccurate, and dated. I DON'T use it because, beyond the morality or ethics of the situation (which I think are more complicated than a black and white "It's harmless" or "It is an actual technological death cult aiming for world domination"), on a purely pragmatic level, my field is TERRIBLE for it.

RATHER my point is that it's hard to take arguments about the sanctity of human creativity seriously SPECIFICALLY with regards to academia when it's an industry that has systematically pried human creativity out of itself and encouraged creating an unsustainably massive amount of work at once if you want to survive and even though I am going to do everything possible to make sure my students DON'T use it for their assignments as a primary tool...I can kind of get why they would be drawn to it beyond just "they're lazy."

[envysparkler]

Hi!

I love your fics, they're such a comfort to read, when I'm stressed or feeling overwhelmed I just tend to go back and re-read them, and they always help settle me. So thank you for not just writing them, but also releasing them to the world.

Can I ask you a kind of a personal question? Obviously you don't need to answer! I saw you defended your PhD thesis a bit ago (congratulations!!! That's such an amazing achievement!) and you were also still publishing stories. How did you manage to not burn out on writing? I'm in the last weeks of writing the thesis, and it's becoming harder and harder to write anything, even when I know what I should write.

Anyway, thanks for all your work, take care, and hope that this year will be joyful and kind to you!

Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying them!

How did I manage not to burn out on writing? *looks at the past several months of no writing* I am definitely the wrong person to ask. 😅. I have absolutely burned myself out and the recovery is slow.

As for my dissertation, honestly, I forced myself to write. I sat down, determined to write an outline if words wouldn't come, then a shitty paragraph, then a slightly better paragraph, and so on. The Comic Sans trick absolutely works (but it does inflate your page count, btw, if you need to hit a hundred). It's a marathon, not a sprint! So don't get discouraged when the words don't come, but also don't give up when the words don't come.

[antoncore]

https://www.tumblr.com/antoncore/777634135867064320/hai-cee-cee-boo-pp

i’m doing alright, my lovely!! hbu? i really missed u hehe <33 heavy works are starting to get cleared, although i still have a few backlogs to finish and start for the rest of the 3 weeks since this semester is almost done i just wanted to ask how are u and i’ve been rereading some of ur drabbles from my free time again 🙏🏼

- 🍧

i’ve been a bit down tbh :( dissertation and uni is rlly stressful and there’s an issue with one of my courses and it’s rlly pissing me off JSJEJEJEJ but i’m glad you’re getting your work done, i’m proud of you and i hope you can relax once your semester is over :D and hehe i’m glad you’re enjoying my work in your free time!! i rlly wanna start writing more and i have an outline for a fic in my drafts but not sure where to go from there :0

[riversidewings]

(A print of the 1868 Battle of Ueno [source])

Okay, so this is a ways off, but what follows is an attempt to briefly outline for your enjoyment and edification what a hypothetical book by me on the Boshin War would look like.

First, it would follow Ishii Takashi's view that this was not one war, but three in one.

One side, the nascent Kyoto government, was consistent throughout. The other was not.

So we have the war from Kyoto to Edo against the former Shogunate, the war in Tohoku against the Northern Alliance, and the war in Ezo against the so-called Republic

Ōyama Kashiwa, whom I mentioned earlier, calls it "the Boshin campaign," which I think also has some utility.

I would also very sharply distinguish between the combatants fighting the Kyoto government. the Northern Alliance was not "pro-shogun," though it was allied with the former Shogunate's army

this is because of a thousand years of precedent of regional semi-autonomy. I wrote my dissertation on this. No, it doesn't matter what the tourist website you encountered told you, they're wrong.

You need to understand the Northern Fujiwara to understand the Tohoku alliance.

a longue duree perspective will likewise be necessary, because the outcome of this war, especially in the Tohoku region, was decided decades in advance, in part because of famine and depopulation.

they could never have won, not for lack of technology but because of the Tenpo Famine.

It will be brutal to write about the war, as writing about war necessarily is, because the so-called imperial army chose to exercise such brutality. They made it illegal for Aizu domain to bury its own dead, and thus so profoundly polluted the land that some Aizu survivors became Christian.

We will also need to appreciate the role of the foreign powers beyond what is normally spoken of in what English scholarship exists. the Northern Alliance petitioned the US for aid. the British were actively running guns to Satsuma. The French military mission was embedded in the Shogunate Army.

Women in combat, likewise, must be given attention, and no, I'm not simply speaking of Nakano Takeko.

Yamamoto Yae, for one, is right the hell there.

We will have to dismantle myths about the war, too, like the claim that the Tohoku alliance fought to restore the Shogun and hated guns.

But especially we will need to underline that Enomoto's government in Hakodate was. not. a. republic.

We will need to also underscore how this was significantly the samurai caste fighting itself, because there are petitions written by townsmen and farmers begging both sides to knock it the fuck off, at least long enough to bring the harvest in.

Finally, we will need to understand that the Boshin War, in a sense, didn't really end. Its survivors on all sides got tied up in different movements over the course of the Meiji era-- some were Saigo's men in the Seinan War, others were Itagaki's allies in the Freedom and Popular Rights Movement, and...

….until the 1920s, saying anything against the official imperialist line was in some cases punishable by ostracism and prison.

So, who broke through that silence? How did they do it?

We will have to give them their due.

(cough his name was Dr. Yamakawa Kenjiro and he blackmailed the imperial court into backing the fuck off cough)

[kxowledge]

Love your posts about your academic journey! ♡ You come across as a highly intelligent and goal-oriented person. Could you tell us more about how you organize time during typical research/writing days and find ways to keep on moving when you hit a writer's block (assuming you do 😅) or lose a bit of motivation?

Thank you my dear!

To be fair, for my master’s thesis/dissertation I wrote a literature review and I pretty much spent all of my time reading in the first few months, writing only very little and mostly to figure out what I was doing. The last month instead I pretty much only wrote – everyday. I wouldn’t recommend it and I don’t think it is a schedule that would suit most people.  

I’m not really sure how I will organise my days going forward (i.e. for thePhD), as I’ll have to juggle coursework / TA duties / conducting my own research / reading papers / writing / etc. I’ve been asking myself the exact question you pose and I haven’t come up yet with an answer. At the moment, I don’t really have a good idea of how to best structure my own days.

In terms of (academic) writer’s block, I think I’ve gotten good at managing it. I try to identify why am I not progressing or why am I avoiding writing a specific chapter or paragraph.

Two things really help with the mental block:

Outlining and breaking things down into fragments. What does each chapter have to say? how is each single chapter organised? what subsections should be in the chapter? what do I have to write in this section? I figure out the broad outline early on and the specific stuff as I go.

I write ‘ugly’ drafts. I just force myself to write, even if I feel like it’s not well said. The point is figuring out what do I need to say. Sometimes what I write is not actually bad, sometimes it is and I have to edit it after, but it’s much easier once I know what the gist of the sentence is. Basically, I keep asking myself: what do I want to say here?  Then I write it down, even imperfectly and work from there.

However, this assumes that I know what to say, which actually isn’t always the case. That’s the research side of things. I actually have to figure things out beforehand. Some of it is just thinking, some of it is gathering data. That means putting writing aside and doing the other side of research work. And that’s the side I struggle a lot with (also editing). I tend to lose motivation and get very overwhelmed when I don’t fully see why I should be doing something i.e. I don’t think the research will be fruitful, I don’t think I have a good research question, etc. That’s also the point I find myself in right now – very scared to start because I don’t know what the end product will look like and hence planning for it is hard. The answer to this is trusting the process, but that’s easier said than done.

[halfagonyandhope]

ignite the stars │ch. 16

first chapter (x); previous chapter (x)

Satine Kryze is an internationally-recognized scholar in genocide studies who recently resigned from the Department of State over her concerns regarding the agency's ethics. Ben Kenobi is a tenured professor at Georgetown University studying the use of religion to justify military conflicts. Once high school sweethearts, the two haven't spoken since parting ways for university. That is, until Satine accepts a research fellowship - at Georgetown.

---

Ventress is the following week’s featured speaker at the weekly seminar, and Satine gets to the lecture hall early so she can have her pick of seats. She joins Vos in the front row, placing her sweater over the seat beside her to reserve it for Ben, who is still at office hours.

“Hey, Satine,” says Vos with a grin. “How’s the book coming along?”

Satine waves at Ventress, who is loading her slides onto the presentation screen. Ventress nods in acknowledgement.

“Outline is complete, and it’s been approved by the publisher,” says Satine. “Which is a massive relief. And I’ve got solid first drafts of the first few chapters. I’m pretty much where I need to be in terms of the grant deliverables.”

“Kudos,” says Vos. “I mean, good for you, but I’d fucking hate to write a book. Sounds miserable.”

Satine laughs. “Sometimes I feel that way, too.” She nudges his shoulder. “Hey, I heard your master’s student scheduled her thesis defense. Does she want folks to attend the public portion to support her? Or would that make her nervous?”

“Aayla would eat up the attention,” says Vos. “So plan to be there.”

“Email me the details?”

“You got it, boss.”

Satine smiles. “Is she planning on sticking around to do her doctorate here?”

“I hope so,” says Vos. “But she applied to a bunch of programs, and she’s gotten some great offers of funding. She’s still weighing everything.”

“I bet you’re proud of her,” says Satine. “And you should be proud of yourself, too. Her success speaks to your skill as an advisor.” 

She thinks she sees him blush. “Nah,” he says. “I had nothing to do with her accomplishments. She could have done it all without me.”

Ben joins them at that moment, brushing a kiss to Satine’s temple. Satine moves her sweater so he can sit beside her. “I’ve been looking forward to hearing about Ventress’ recent work,” he says. “That’s what she’s presenting today, right, Quinlan? Her fieldwork from last summer?”

Vos nods. He opens his mouth to respond, but Dooku Serenno has already risen to his feet, stepping to the center of the lecture hall.

As usual, he begins his introduction.

Satine leans forward. She’s also eager to learn more about Ventress’ work. Though she’d done a deep dive into Ben’s research, she hasn’t had time to investigate her friend’s background as much, and she realizes this is something she must rectify.

Ventress, it turns out, had received one of the prestigious Fulbright awards to complete a portion of her dissertation research in Canada as part of her graduate studies. She’d spent her Fulbright year living amongst First Nations groups in the Arctic, and she’d received another impressive grant to fund a year with an Alaska Native tribe.

Even Serenno’s drawl can’t make Ventress’ life unimpressive.

Eventually, he returns to his seat, ceding the floor to Ventress, and the audience quietly applauds. Ventress doesn’t thank Serenno for the introduction, and Satine smiles to herself at this.

Satine quickly realizes that Ventress is the most effective public speaker in the department, and it doesn’t even take a complete sentence.

“A recent survey of Native youth found that sixty percent of respondents knew an Indigenous person who had gone missing or been murdered,” begins Ventress. “Such violence against Native people in the lands that are currently called the United States - the land that Indigenous people know as Turtle Island - is commonplace, so much so that we’ve labeled this epidemic as the Missing and Murdered Indigenous People crisis.”

She looks out over the audience, pausing.

“If this is a novel statistic to you, you are part of the problem,” says Ventress, flipping to her next slide. “Stanton described first eight, later expanded to ten, total stages of the process of genocide. The final stage - the final phase of genocide - is denial. This includes when past or ongoing genocides are forgotten, or never taught in the first place.”

Satine feels seen.

How many times has she had to explain to American colleagues what happened in Bosnia? How many times has she had to watch their confused or disbelieving faces as she cuts herself open, before she’s had a chance to heal, to explain what had happened in her country? How many times must she hear I had no idea from colleagues who should be smart enough to know basic international history?

Ventress meets her gaze. She nods at Ventress, who gives an almost imperceptible nod back.

“In the United States,” Ventress continues, “there are five hundred and seventy-four federally-recognized tribes. Others are state-recognized, and others still don’t have recognition at all. That means that the United States has committed genocide at least 574 times. In many cases, that genocide continues.”

She moves to the next slide, moving across the raised platform, from one side of the lectern to the other.

“In Canada, a several-hundred page report published five years ago acknowledged that the federal government had committed genocide and was continuing to commit genocide against its Indigenous peoples. The report included recommendations for reconciliation, but most of those recommendations were ignored.”

As Ventress pauses for a moment, it’s so quiet in the lecture hall that Satine can hear a colleague behind her taking notes.

“Genocide, of course, is not the focus of my research. But I bring this up to provide context. Beyond the structural violence that Indigenous peoples on Turtle Island face, there is significant physical and direct violence that we must survive every day. And for many of us, it is about merely surviving. This is often not a life in which Indigenous people can thrive.” She transitions to the next slide. “My work focuses on predicting locations of violence against Indigenous peoples so that each tribal community or village can protect itself, its people, and its sovereignty. I map so-called ‘man camps’ - transient camps of mostly male contract workers, building infrastructure like pipelines in rural locations. These man camps are associated with increased violence against Indigenous people, and Indigenous women in particular.”

Over the course of the next hour, Ventress details her methods and showcases the maps she’s created. Satine isn’t an expert in GIS - geographic information systems - by any means, but Ventress’ work is clearly, beyond any shadow of a doubt, exceptional. The content is triggering and hard for Satine to listen to, but Satine doesn’t for a moment think to leave.

Satine knows she’s a guest on these lands. This is the least she can do to honor the original caretakers.

It seems like she blinks and the lecture is over, with another round of applause. Satine remains seated as her companions rise to leave, and Ben glances her way, his expression telling her he knows the lecture must have been a difficult one for her to hear.

“Go on,” says Satine. “I’ll meet you in your office.”

He nods, and he and Vos follow the others up the stairs and out the door of the lecture hall. Satine stands and steps up to the lectern.

“Your talk was excellent,” Satine begins, and Ventress looks at her as she logs out of the computer. “It made me very grateful you decided to befriend me instead of declare me your enemy the day I arrived. The latter probably would have been easier to do, especially since our fields overlap slightly.”

Ventress grins at this. “I don’t start fights,” she says. “I only end them.”

Satine laughs deeply.

Ventress tucks her thumb drive into her pocket. “Listen, Satine,” she begins. “There’s an Indigenous artist market being held at the National Museum of the American Indian over Spring Break. Want to check it out?”

“I’d like that,” says Satine, nodding, and she follows Asajj up the stairs.

---

The next week moves too quickly for Satine’s liking. She blinks and Spring Break has arrived, and Ben has boarded a plane out of the District.

She’s proud of him for facing his grief. But she’s also not particularly looking forward to the time apart. They’ve been alternating spending the night at each other’s places, taking a load of things from her place to his every time they head to Old Town so that the eventual move is less overwhelming. She’s taken over a section of his closet and half of his dresser. She has a phone charger on her side of his bed.

So, naturally, her bed feels empty without him beside her.

Satine rolls over in the dark. Before Ben had left for the Metro to take him to the airport, he’d kissed her deeply and pressed a small metal object into her palm.

Taken aback, Satine had examined the key.

“The place will be half yours in two months,” Ben had reminded her. “So my spare key really isn’t all that much of a spare now, is it?”

“You just want someone to water your plants while you’re gone,” she’d quipped, and she held onto the way he laughed like it was a lifeline.

Now, Satine throws back the covers and stands, making her way over to her desk, where she grabs the sweater she’d stolen from him the night he’d first held her, the first time she’d cried in front of him in years. She slips it over her head and pads back to bed.

The smell of him is faint, but it’s still there. Pulling the duvet back over her, she succumbs to sleep.

---

On Monday afternoon, Satine takes two buses toward Capitol Hill. She’s finally put away her peacoat for the season, switching to a navy trench coat. The District seems to support this decision - peak cherry blossoms line the sides of the bus route, welcoming spring at last. Satine pulls the stop request cord, thanks the driver, and jumps off the bus outside of the museum on the National Mall.

The uniqueness of the National Museum of the American Indian's profile is immediately apparent, and the buff- and golden-colored limestone reminds Satine of natural rock, which she’s sure is intentional. Her eyes follow the lines of the building as they curve into themselves, reminiscent of waves or perhaps wind. Her first thought is that the building looks peaceful.

She breathes out.

The next moment, she spots Asajj, who is sitting on one of the stone benches outside, partially hidden by the beginnings of wetland plants commencing their spring growth. Satine realizes that the gardens, too, must have been planted with deliberate care, each species chosen for specific reason.

Asajj, of course, notices her before she approaches. She stands as Satine nears her.

“Should have figured you’d prefer to wait outside,” says Satine. “You can take the arctic out of the girl but…”

Asajj chuckles. “High fifties is practically tropic for me, even if it’s still brisk for others.” They begin to walk toward the entrance. “But for you, as well, as I understand it?”

Satine holds the first door open for Asajj, and Asajj holds the next one for her. “True,” acknowledges Satine. “Norway would have kicked me out if I complained about the cold,” she says with a laugh.

They open their bags for security and proceed through the metal detectors, and Satine steps to the side to take in the interior of the museum. To the left is the information desk, and everything in front of them is wide open space, a multi-purpose area that Satine guesses is often used for performances or lectures. Today, it’s filled with artist booths. Though the market doesn’t start for another half hour, the area is already bustling as the artists finish setting up. 

Beyond the market is a massive set of stairs leading to different levels of the museum, each floor with various exhibits.

Asajj glances at Satine. “Want to get food first?”

“You read my mind,” says Satine, and they wander to the museum’s cafe. Mitsitam Cafe, Satine knows, is famous for using ingredients indigenous to the Americas. Satine orders a manoomin - wild rice - dish and sits with Asajj as they wait for their food.

Asajj suddenly looks at her. “Do you ever find yourself wanting to go back?” she asks. Her voice is soft but sure. “To Bosnia, that is. Not to Norway.”

Satine shrugs. “Yes, and no. Sometimes I think I do. But I think ultimately what I want is to go back to an idea that doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe it never existed.”

Asajj nods. “Before…”

“Yes,” says Satine. “Before the fighting. An idealized version of what I left.”

Asajj breathes out. “I never knew that version of my village,” she says. “But I heard about it. The Elders…some of them had parents or grandparents who had known it. Who had seen it. I wish I had.” She breathes in. “So I understand. It’s why I don’t go back, I think. I mourn what I never got to see.”

Their food is set before them, and they thank the server.

Satine takes her first bite of wild rice. “Maybe,” she says. “Maybe the work you’re doing will allow future generations to see it.”

Asajj looks off into the distance. “Perhaps,” she says. “If so, it would be worth it.”

---

The next morning, Satine goes to her usual spot in the library. Campus is empty, with most of the undergraduates and graduate students - and the faculty, for that matter - off on Spring Break. It’s a nice change of pace, though she admits to missing the chaos of a busy semester. It’s easier to get lost in.

Satine sets her jacket on the back of her chair and drops her bag at the work station, heading to the stacks in search of a text. When she gets to the call number, she frowns.

The book isn’t there, even though the online database had indicated it hadn’t currently been checked out.

“Looking for this?”

Satine feels her heart stop for a beat. She turns to face Derren Malek, who is holding up the book she’d been searching for in his tattoo-clad hand.

Satine doesn’t move.

The corner of Malek’s mouth turns up. “It’s been difficult trying to find you on your own since we last talked,” he says. “Your friends seem to have set up a system. Thought I’d take advantage of there being literally no one else in the library today.”

Satine swallows. “How closely have you been watching me?”

He’d known exactly where to find her. Had he followed her to this spot before? Had the presence of students been the only thing not stopping him from approaching her then? 

She curses herself, realizing her phone is back at the desk.

“Close enough,” says Malek. “Curious, isn’t it? You’ve had the undivided attention of two men this semester. Kenobi, of course, and myself. A madness shared by two, indeed.”

Satine clenches her jaw. Her thoughts drift to her and Ben’s conversation, back when he’s proposed their thought experiment.

“This is madness, though, you know,” she says.

“Folie à deux,” says Ben. “A madness shared by two.”

With a growing horror, she remembers the way the floorboards had creaked behind them.

“You were there,” says Satine. “That day.”

“The Secretary said you were smart,” says Malek. “I’ve come to have my doubts, however, considering how absolutely idiotic you’ve been when it comes to Kenobi.”

He steps toward her.

“Not that he’s been any smarter about you,” says Malek. “The Secretary has all the evidence he needs.”

Satine steps back.

“You’ve been recording us.”

“You made it easy.” He laughs. “The Secretary knew of your first weakness: your research. You’d do anything to protect it, and, thus, to protect your reputation to ensure your work can continue. But now we have an insurance policy. Because, as it turns out, the formidable Satine Kryze has not only one weakness but two. And the second happens to be Ben Kenobi.”

“Leave him out of this.”

“But you’ve brought him in! And that’s on you.”

Satine reaches out to steady herself against the stack of books beside her. “What do you want?” she hisses.

“To remind you,” says Malek. “You’re toeing the line. Accepting the invitation to speak in Paris in September puts you in a position to cross it. Depending on the contents of that speech.”

Satine glares at him. “The Secretary wants to see the speech before I give it.”

Malek laughs again. “Stupid girl. He wants to write the speech you will give.”

Satine shakes her head before thinking about it. “When hell freezes over.”

Malek reaches out to grab her elbow, gripping her tightly. Satine has to force herself to not gasp at the pain.

“Your career is not the only one at stake now,” Malek says. “You’re conspiring with Kenobi, a conspiracy that involves an arranged marriage while you’re applying for citizenship. I can’t imagine that’s something that USCIS will take kindly to hearing. Beyond the knock to Kenobi's academic reputation, that could doom him to an avalanche of legal troubles.”

He pulls her closer so that her body is flush against his, forcing the book into her hand.

“Toe the line, Ms. Kryze,” he hisses. “Your first step will be to ensure that Kenobi discerns nothing of this conversation. The second will be giving that speech in September exactly as the Secretary has prepared it.”

Ben’s name from his lips lights the fire that sparks the match, and Satine remembers her first few self-defense trainings. She considers what Ben, Asajj, and Quinlan have taught her.

Use what you have available.

Well, right now, what she has available is twofold: the element of surprise, and the book she’s holding with a death grip.

So Satine pushes the book upward with all her might, feeling it collide with Malek’s face and hearing the telltale sound of delicate bones crunching. She jumps back and races toward the staircase, grabbing her bag and stuffing her jacket and the book - now bloodied - inside while never breaking stride. Once she’s out of the library, she runs to the nearest bus stop and joins the line boarding the bus that has just arrived, checking over her shoulder to make sure Malek hasn’t followed her. She holds her bag to her chest as she finds a seat, trying to figure out where she's headed.

Mercifully, the route takes her toward her home, and Satine jumps off the bus only a few blocks away. Still checking behind her, she speed-walks to her condo.

She holds her composure until she's inside, shutting the door behind her and bolting the lock. 

Then Satine doubles over, wincing, finally letting herself vocalize her discomfort. But instead of picking herself up, she sinks to the floor, breathing heavily, dropping her bag to the ground.

Then she dials 911.

The dispatcher assures her a uniformed Georgetown University police officer is on their way and will arrive at her home within minutes. But as soon as Satine hangs up, doubt begins to seep in, and she hesitates.

Should she have made that call? Would it have been better not to report it?

She hesitates. The force with which Malek had gripped her elbow would no doubt leave bruises. It was technically assault, and she’d been justified in her response, knowing that it was possible he could become more aggressive. She knows his history.

But she also knows how these types of cases usually end, why women don’t bother reporting abusers. She knows the statistics, the numbers of women who make reports to police but who aren’t taken seriously. More than that, reporting Malek is likely to lead to retaliation from him - or, even worse - the Secretary. 

Had she just crossed that line that Malek had warned her about? Had she just ordered her own deportation with that phone call? And why hadn’t she waited for a clearer head before making the call?

In shock, she waits for the squad car to arrive.

Five minutes pass, and then five more. After half an hour without hearing sirens, Satine crawls from her place on the floor to the couch, forced to reckon with the reality that help isn't on its way.

She’d heard stories of the American law enforcement system. She can hazard a guess as to why the police haven’t arrived.

So she calls Asajj.

Fifteen minutes later, Satine opens her door to Asajj and Quinlan on her porch.

“Tell me everything,” says Asajj, stepping past her.

Satine rolls up her sleeve and reveals the purple bruises near her elbow as Quinlan shuts the door behind them and locks it. Asajj reaches out to take her forearm, studying it. 

Then she puts an arm around Satine’s shoulders and guides her to sit back down on the couch. “Call Kenobi,” she says to Quinlan, who reaches for his phone and steps into the kitchen.

“Malek followed me to the library,” says Satine. “It was the same threat he gave before. A reminder.”

Asajj looks at her with discerning eyes. “You didn’t call the cops because you’re worried that will make him escalate this threat further.”

Satine bites her lip. “I did call the cops. They never showed up, and it’s been almost an hour.”

Asajj lets out a sharp breath. “Judging by your tone, you don’t think it’s just because they triaged you to the bottom of the list.”

“No,” Satine agrees.

Asajj sighs. “There’s blood on your blouse,” she points out.

Satine looks down and notices she’s right.

“I’m assuming you managed to land one on Malek?”

Satine nods.

“Good,” says Asajj. “Did you break his nose?”

“Probably,” admits Satine.

“Even better. Look, if you’re right about the reason the cops didn’t come, you don’t need to worry about Malek reporting you for punching him. He won’t want to draw attention to it - because he won’t be able to explain his injuries without explaining what provoked you. But just in case…we need to take pictures of the bruising. And since I don’t see blood all over your knuckles, I’m assuming you struck him with something else? A library book? I’ll get Vos to see if he can find it after he finishes talking with Kenobi. Anything that leads credence to your story, if the cops eventually do decide to do their job and investigate.”

“No need for Quinlan to go anywhere,” says Satine. “I have the book. In my bag.”

The first traces of a smile cross Asajj’s face. “You didn’t check it out? You rebel.”

Satine lets out a half-laugh, half-sob, and Asajj grabs the throw blanket from the back of the couch to toss around Satine’s shoulders.

“You’re too cold,” Asajj says. “You're coming down from an adrenaline high.” She moves to the thermostat to increase the temperature, then sits down next to Satine.

Quinlan emerges from the kitchen at that moment. “Kenobi’s headed back,” he says, and Asajj fills him in on what Satine has told her.

He cracks his knuckles. “We’re going to need to establish a schedule,” he says to Asajj, who nods.

“A schedule?” asks Satine.

"Like keeping watch,” Asajj says. “We’ll take turns. You shouldn’t go anywhere alone - on campus in particular - for a while. And Kenobi’s about to become your shadow, so you should prepare yourself.”

Quinlan takes a few steps into the living room. Into the silence, he says, “There’s a flight out of Madison in two hours. Lands in DC this afternoon. We’ll stay with you until he gets here.” He holds out his hand to Satine, and she realizes he’s holding a couple CBD gummies. “Kenobi told me which cabinet you kept them in; he figured you could use them.”

Satine takes the gummies gratefully. “Thanks,” she murmurs.

“He’ll text once he’s checked in at the airport,” Quinlan says. “I’m going to get some lunch for us. Any requests?”

“Something warm,” says Asajj, and Satine realizes she’s shivering.

Quinlan nods and slips out the front door. Asajj stands to lock it behind him, and then she moves toward Satine. “I’m going to grab you a different shirt,” she says. “Is that alright?”

Satine nods, not even really registering the question.

She’s vaguely aware of Asajj leaving the living room, less so of her coming back in with Satine’s sleep shirt. Satine lets her friend lead her toward the washroom, and Asajj steps out as Satine changes into the other top. Satine drops the blood-stained blouse to the floor like it’s on fire.

She follows Asajj back to the couch wordlessly, and they both sit together. Asajj turns on the television to something mindless.

By the time Quinlan returns with steaming bowls of pho, the CBD has clearly started taking effect. Satine manages to get down most of the pho, and she sets the empty takeout styrofoam on the coffee table.

And then she sinks back into the couch cushions and into blissful oblivion.

[lastbluetardis]

What Makes a Family Fic Announcement

Greetings, dear readers. I've been stuck with my story "What Makes a Family" for some time, because any time I think about it, all I can focus on is what I want to change about the story and how much better it would/could be if I fixed all of the stuff I don't like about it.

When I first wrote this story, it was an escape from grad school and dissertation writing, so it was something I worked on for fun and without much thought (apart from the general outline I've been following). But there are so many things I wish I could redo, so that's what I'm doing.

On February 1st, I will be taking the story down from AO3 and my Tumblr so I can fix everything I dislike about the story. I'll then begin re-posting the fixed/updated chapters sometime in late February or early March.

I'm hoping this will reinspire my love for this story, because I genuinely do love it, but there are too many things I don't like/am embarrassed about. I feel like I've grown as a writer since I first put pen to paper (well… finger to keyboard) over three years ago.

The bulk of the story won't see too many huge changes, but there will be one major change I make to the story/characters, to be revealed when I repost the story.

I'm sorry if you were excited that there was an update, but I feel this is the best course of action for me to fall back in love with this story. I hope you're all doing well, and I hope to see you back with this story next month.

All my love 💜

[librarycards]

@devilofthepit ok i got the ask notif in my email but not in my actual ask box - this may be a shadowban type of deal? not sure. anyway, here's some info about the cultural studies program!

so, cultural studies (henceforth cst) is a program, not a department, which has benefits and drawbacks: the main benefit is fewer required courses and a more minimal rotation of basics/fundamentals; this leaves you plenty of opportunities to take courses in a variety of programs. it also requires initiative inasmuch as making professional connections is *the* goal in grad school, especially as you do coursework in preparation for your dissertation. the main drawback is that there are fewer dedicated resources (such as cst specific faculty, courses, TAships, etc.) and you need to be proactive in seeking them out.

during your first three (coursework) years, you'll take one, two max. required courses per quarter, as well as one, maybe two courses of your choosing. the first year is about establishing a course base of knowledge on cultural studies historical, theoretical, and methodological approaches, and it's hugely beneficial to come in with a basic understanding of marx, foucault, adorno, althusser, derrida, all of those freaks. as with any grad program, the reading load is going to be significantly greater than undergrad, and you're going to need to reimagine the way you approach readings. you can expect easily 200-300 pages a week, which means a lot of skimming, strategic note-taking, etc. is required. hence why prior familiarity helps a ton. at the end of your first year, you take preliminary exams, timed, essay-based tests that determine your basic competency so far.

by your third year, you're expected to have a decent idea of what you're going to be doing for your diss, because your third year is the one where you do three directed independent studies, each with a person who, hopefully, will be on your diss committee. these independent studies will be on the subject areas that you aim to specialize in (think 'how will i market myself when looking for ac jobs') and require you to have working familiarity with around 30-35 scholarly monographs per independent study (so about 100ish total, and/or the equivalent in peer reviewed articles). you will do some kind of culminating assignment with each independent study faculty member, and they'll each write you some questions for your qualifying exams, also timed and essay based. you take three quals over the course of a week, responding to your committees' questions, and after that, take an oral exam. the oral exam will cover the dissertation prospectus you're required to prepare while in your third year, which is around 40-50 pages and outlines the dissertation project.

if you pass your quals, then you're ABD, and can begin dissertation work, and basically keep doing that while touching base with your committee until youre done.

in terms of davis specifically, i'd say it's a nice town to spend some academic years in. it's small and close-knit, and at least in cst, i've felt very supported by the faculty and students i've surrounded myself with. cst, as a department, is also notable in its pro-worker and pro-palestine politics, and it is very closely affiliated with ucd's critical ethnic studies, especially native american studies, programs. i'd say many, if not more than half (??) of us accepted to the cst program have some kind of organizing background, on campus or off.

the main reasons people dislike this specific program is its looseness. even to get in, you need to be pretty self-motivated and have a solid program of study delineated - otherwise, you'll flounder. some people have a solid idea and flounder anyway, but you can avoid this by establishing solid relationships with faculty early on. you also have the opportunity to make connections via the designated emphasis (DE) program, where you can gain a specialization in some discipline alongside cst - i have a DE in science & technology studies, and the chair of my dissertation is primarily affiliated with STS. DEs aren't hard to get, and can open up a lot of doors.

lastly, there's also the work aspect. Davis is on the quarter system, so whenever you're not on a fellowship, you're TAing/reading/grad-researching/(if ABD)adjuncting up to 3 quarters per year. because cst has no analogous undergrad program, so you'll be applying in disciplines relevant to your work, but competing with other grad students in those disciplines. while we don't have TAships guaranteed like others do, i have never had a problem finding one, and there are always openings coming and going.

overall, would i recommend cultural studies at davis? i think so. it was one of my top choices, and i'm glad i came. i don't think it's for everyone, but it's for me because it allows the autonomy i need in order to succeed as a student, and trusts me to be self-motivated and work on my own. CST has been nothing but supportive of my creative as well as academic ventures. that said, communication about more mundane bureaucratic stuff can be slow/absent, and i had to seek a lot of info out myself, especially in the beginning.

tl:dr: worth it for me as i reflect on the last five years, i've learned a lot and met a lot of great people. honestly, though, even if things hadn't been as good as they have, i would likely make this choice again solely because my program supported palestine and those of us fighting for liberation.

[badbatchposts]

🎱 🍓 🌵🔪🪲. I reblogged the ask game from you, so I wanted to be courteous and send you an ask! I'm honestly curious about these.

Thanks for the ask, friend! It's really nice to be able to reflect on some of these things!! Sorry in advance for the super long responses lol.

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats:

Works: 2

User Subscriptions: 6

Kudos: 204

Comment Threads: 84

Bookmarks: 67

Subscriptions: 51

Word Count: 67,351

Hits: 4,652

I honestly have no sense of how these stats compare for the usual fanfic writer, but it makes me happy to see how many people have subscribed to my longfic, especially since I don't always get a ton of comments on new chapters. But it seems people are reading! And definitely more people than read my dissertation, lol.

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I used to write a lot of original work in high school and early college, but then as things got busy--and as I convinced myself my writing wasn't good enough to be worth it--I largely stopped. I always felt guilty about it. I really enjoyed writing, but didn't think I was creative enough or had the right amount of stamina that it took to complete a long work, and I had this perfectionist idea where it felt like it wasn't worth doing if I couldn't be the best at it.

Then right as the new Bad Batch season came out this year I was struggling a lot with burnout and found that I was spending a lot of time thinking about the show, and decided that I might as well start reading some fanfiction--for the first time ever--and felt like writing it would be a nice creative outlet that might help me recover from my burnout. It really has been great, and some of what's made it so good is actually exactly the sort of things that used to make me think writing fanfiction wasn't worth it. Namely: it's not professionally publishable.

That is, legally, I will never be able to professionally publish and profit from any of what I write--it can only be posted and enjoyed. This actually just took so much of the pressure off. It doesn't have to be perfect--it doesn't even have to be very good, because that's not what it's for.

I started thinking of it more as an exercise for working on my writing skills (things like, okay, in this chapter I'm going to practice writing dialogue, or in this next one I'm going to work more on establishing an interesting setting). As a result, I'm now thinking more about the writing process and improving my storytelling, rather than worrying about trying to make it perfect or good enough to publish or feeling competitive or down on myself when I encounter writing that I feel is much better than my own. It's been really freeing.

All of this happened over ten years since I stopped writing in college, and the other great thing has been seeing that my writing skills didn't disappear. In fact, they've gotten better and grown as a result of the learning I did in the meantime. I'm now much better at envisioning narrative arcs, outlining, getting myself to write consistently instead of just waiting for inspiration to strike me, and a whole load of other skills. It's really helped soothe a part of me that worried that I had abandoned writing, that it was too late for me to "do" anything with it, or that I only would have gotten worse.

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

Parasailing in Rio de Janeiro with a Caipirinha in Your Hand

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I've been spending a lot of time researching historical kitchens on sailing ships and historical brothels for the Pirate AU that I'm working on. Once for an academic paper I was working on a novel that depicts a (non-sexual) human-animal relationship but through very intimate and erotic terms, and I accidentally googled a combination of terms that came back with information on bestiality while on my university's wi-fi.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

The most recent thing I wrote for my Pirate AU (I'm skipping ahead SEVERAL chapters to inspire myself with the steamy bits haha)

“I hardly think I can get into much trouble here. Your crew have been perfect gentlemen.”

Hunter’s eyes glinted in the half-light of the lamps. Though he didn’t move, all of a sudden she was all-too-aware of how close he was, how easy it would be for him to reach out and touch her. “And what about me?” he murmured. “Haven’t you heard from the ladies in port? I’m a scoundrel. A very dangerous man. Maybe you ought to be afraid of me.”

Thanks again, this was a lot of fun!!