#hyper aware of all the potential danger for me and for my loved ones

[muttzteef]

get urself a partner who helps u let ur guard down <3

[chaostroberry1]

I need a part 2 of Beelzebub x Arché! Reader. What if the gods held a court meeting to see the potential danger of the reader and Odin's goals. When Odin wants to evade the assumptions of the people in the congregation (or even to the point of telling the reader to kill everyone there), the reader instead says that he does not want to destroy the people of gods or humans because he plans to marry Beelzebub.

Or showing how he REALLY loves Beelzebub by fuckin him shamelessly infront of them all.

Tyy pookie!! ^⁠_⁠^

Bro I love this😭 primordial god reader is mad interesting.

Beelzebub × Dom!male!primordial god!reader

....

All eyes were on you, as you as you feasted on food, ignoring everyone's prying eyes. Man, food has really became tastier huh? It's been so long since you've eaten like this. Beelzebub just sat there uncomfortably, glancing at you a few times before returning his eyes down.

Everyone was suspicious of Odin, if anything bad was included in his plans that could potentially lead to the destruction of the gods, everyone knew they had to stop him.

Odin was obviously aware that there were too many of the strongest gods there, capable of ganging up on his ass. But, he knew that none of them combined, could leave a single scratch on you. But look at you over there, moronic and stupidly eating food without a care about giving respect. Hey, to your defense, you were alive before zues, and possible as old as the other primordials.

it should be THEM to pay their respects to you. But it was a little difficult to believe that you were older, looking at how young you acted. like a matured/(not really) matured young adult who probably eats pizza slices for dinner.

"Hey, old man. Are you sure you ain't up to anything suspicious? Things don't seem very 'normal' to me." Shiva spoke, two of his arms on his head while having his other two arms crossed. Odin closed his eyes, starting to get irritated, wanting to avoid anyone's assumptions and suspicions of his plans.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"then what about the guy sitting in this room right now? Doesn't seem to me like he's anyone you'd just walk by." Loki teasingly joked, knowing he'd get on the old man's nerves. "I agree, seeing a primordial god...isn't something you'd just see out of the blue" Thor spoke, everyone gathering their assumptions and ideas for the so called "all-realm-altering god".

Finally, Odin's last nerve popped, before he slowly spoke. "(M/n), if you want to prove to them that you are really so powerful, why don't you just kill everyone here?"

Everyone's eyes popped open, immediately turning their heads to you, who stopped chewing, your eyes slowly darting up to meet their gazes.

"No."

"what do you mean 'no'? You don't plan on killing all the gods and ruling over all realms?"

"Its not that I can't. I'm simply uninterested." With one more chew, you continued "I plan to marry Beelzebub." And with that statement, everyone was speechless. Zues chuckling while Loki grinned, "my my, I didn't know that even an all powerful deity would be interested in such.. matters~"

"ooh! Ooh! I have a question! How strong are primordial gods? Can we fight? Please please please??" A hyper, dog like god spoke. His name was...Anubis? Right, that's his name. He's quite energetic, you only chuckled and shook your head. "No, not right now. Once I settle in, I'll give you a good fight, okay buddy?" He whimpered sadly at your response, sitting down with a huge frown.

Then, you suddenly got serious as you looked back to the others.

"now, speaking of our marriage. If any of you try to interfere with my plans, it will end in bloodshed. Every single one of you will have their heads displayed on a shelf. Do not test me."

That statement was enough to make everyone feel dread. They knew that no matter how strong or respected they were, they can not lay anything on you. You were far more than just powerful. An unmeasured type of power that many seeked to have, but could never get.

Your hands trailed onto Beelzebub's face, giving him a heated kiss, and a beast like grin. His pretty face was a huge turn on.

you felt lust grow when you eyed Beelzebub, before standing up and bending him over. Everyone's mouth dropped when you started brutally fucking him at an intense speed, as he just took it, whining and crying for you. His legs spread wide open, his hole already very agape, which was proof of your cock inside of him a little while ago before the meeting.

"still so wide and pretty for me..."

Everyone present just decided to leave, knowing that they couldn't utter a word in your presence. Beelzebubs moans the only thing that could be heard in the room while you put him in multiple positions.

Odin sighed, deciding that he'd just have to talk to you some other time. For now, everyone should just leave you to the poor god, who was bended over and now covered in kisses and hickies. Your wife, male wife, as you'd like to call it.

When I tell you all of Valhalla shook from the force and speed of your pounding, I mean it.

You couldn't wait for the marriage, you'd fuck him in front of everyone after you'd seal your kiss, and that was a mental note you made sure to remember. You wer gonna show everyone who your territory was. And how they couldn't do a thing about it. Man, he'd look so pretty in a wedding dress.

You couldn't wait.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Hatake Kakashi

Kakashi is known for being a pretty cool and aloof kind of guy, but in one of the first few chapters we get this gem.

I'm unsure if this is Anime only or appears in the Manga as well, but either way I love me a dorky man (Seriously, i do. I married a punny man, this is right up my ally)

2) When Kakashi noticed Sasuke freaking out in the Land of Waves arc he takes a moment to assure his student that he'll do everything in his power to protect them, including dying if he has to. It's not a necessary thing to say, but Kakashi understands that his kids have been put on a mission way over their heads and they need support. In this instance, he supports Sasuke with a verbal promise. Later on in the same mission, after Zabuza and Haku's death, he supports Naruto by allowing his student to cling to him (holding onto his pant leg) and by supporting him when he calls Zabuza and Haku 'pretty cool'.

3) Just his general cool attitude towards Gai. Kakashi's never closed off to his friend, but he acts relaxed, and in their first few scenes together he can be seen asking Gai to repeat himself, to which Gai responds by talking about how 'cool' Kakashi is. I love this because up until this point, we've seen Kakashi as hyper-aware and although he's aloof he always seems to know what's going on around him. Then in comes Gai and he can play the 'sorry I wasn't paying attention' Card and I personally love that for him.

4) Teaching Sakura the Qi release technique. I know it's off-screen and only mentioned when she uses it, but I love that Kakashi found a moment to teach Sakura something that he didn't teach either of the boys. It highlights his ability to see potential in his students and to teach them useful things (even off screen) that they can make use of later.

5) How he protects his student. whether it's protecting Sasuke from Orochimaru by placing himself between them, protecting Sakura from enemy shinobi by killing them in one easy hit, or even guarding his friend's students as he does when Kakazu tries to attack Ino-Shika-Cho. I love that Kakashi's 'I will protect my precious people' isn't just words. that he really holds true to that and actually does everything he can to try and protect them. I love that he turns and walks away from Tsunade while she's demanding he go on a mission because he needs to go after Naruto and Sasuke. He needs to protect them. I love that he outright ignores Hiruzen's plan to send a letter to Danzo because he knows Tenzo is in danger, and instead he heads into root without any backup and only a plan to rescue someone he calls a friend. I especially love that through all of this, with him always being protective of others, Kakashi fights back-to-back with Gai and allows Gai to protect him. He won't accept protection from his students as a rule, or even from any of his other comrades that we see, but when he's fighting with Gai it's equal forces of protection/willingness to be protected. It's such a nice balance that I love to see.

6) I love that he recognizes Sai needs someone to reach out to him, and he offers that support and encouragement that Sai really hasn't heard from anyone else. and he does it in such a simple way. By saying 'I believe in you' and allowing Sai to hear that he is trusted. That he's relied on.

7) I adore that after years of being a good soldier and even giving up even more of his time to be a Hokage, Kakashi finally gets to just be a dork. I enjoy that he goes on Vacation with Gai and acts like a child. That he takes part in their usual competitions with the same energy (just shown in a much different way) as Gai, and he gets upset when Gai won't admit that he won their game of ping pong, showing that he really does care about their competitions and that he does like winning.

8) I love that he's gentle, even when he doesn't really have time to be. A great example of this is when he finds the Konoha boys laying asleep on the road (after Sakura knocked them out) and he takes a few moments to put them off to the side where they can be more comfortable and just a bit safer. I love that he apologized to them for not sticking around or helping more because he really did have to go, but he still found time to at least make sure they weren't laying in the middle of the dang road.

9. Kamuing away Diedra’s arm. A small moment but a brilliant way to introduce Kamui into the world. I love how Kakashi thinks in this scenario. ‘I have a problem. How do i solve this problem? I know! I’ll rip off his arm!’ Brilliant, beautiful, perfection.

10. (Book only) ramming his face into Gai’s ass in Kakashi Hidan. This poor man has suffered so much and now he must suffer me laughing his ass off. Also, talking up Gai before he swoops in to rescue him and then getting annoyed when Gai starts talking about how he understands what it’s like to have a ‘genius rival’. He was so done and i want to hug him. Actually most of that book has perfect moments. Both of his books did i NEED MORE

11. (Kakashi retsuden) ‘i’m not going to apologize for hiding who i am’ ya? And you’re gonna troll your little fanboy by sending him a book with your face on it as the big admission that yes, you are in fact the Sixth Hokage he looks up to? I love you you shit.

12: lamenting Redaku not having an Onsen because he just wants to soak in the nice warm water. Let my man rest.

13. Accidentally letting his cloth’s brush against the tent and thus waking up all the shinobi he hasn’t already knocked out, all because he got distracted thinking of a proud Iruka.

14: (anime only) forgetting he’s disguised as Sukea and almost giving himself away because Houki gushed about how cool he thinks Lord Sixth is.

15. Everything about kid Kakashi. Arrogance, brattiness, the full energy of an angry kid who has already lost so much and is trying so hard to protect himself from more hurt (only to fail because he genuinely cares). Man, i just want to give him a hug.

16. His arrogance. It Definitely eases a bit as he gets older, but once in a while that arrogance and confidence really shines through and i love it. Example: when he called 50 jonin rank shinobi ‘fifty nobodies’ because they posed absolutely no threat to him. Or how he confidently told Naruto he hadn’t even used his Mangekyo Sharingan against Kakazu because he didn’t feel the threat was big enough for that (straight shot to Kakazu’s pride if he’d been alive to hear that)

17: (Anime only) how he jumped over his desk to grab Iruka’s hand’s when Iruka’s words helped him realize a solution to his problem. This was a KakaIru’s dream moment and just adorable as all heck!

18: how just… dramatic he can be. Need to make an entrance into the chunin exam’s with Sasuke? A sudden appearance with leaves floating around them should do it! Want the enemy to believe they killed you? Throw your whole damned body into it my man or it’s simply not believable. Like seriously, he did not need to be this dramatic with his ‘death’ in the land of waves arc. It was over the top and i love it.

19: (anime only) cutting lightning specificlly to save Gai. It wasb’t a test of strength or ability. Kakashi saw danger and faced down a lightning bolt to protect Gai. One of his precious people. It’s a really sweet moment of him admitting to himself that he cares about Gai and wants to keep him safe, and it’s bad ass to see him slice lighting with his chidori,

20: stopping Kakazu’s lightning with just his hands to protect Team Ten. Shikamaru, Choji and Ino were surprised by Kakashi’s decision to place himself between them and Kakazu’s attack and who can blame them? Man faced a lightning attack head on and stopped it using only his hands. No jutsu’s, no fancy last second plan. Just his hands. It was awesome.

I love a lot about Kakashi, but these are some of my favorite things. Through all of his faults and mistakes, he really is just trying. He wants to be kind, he wants to help, and he knows he's limited in what he can do but damn it he's still going to do his best.

[rei-caldombra]

Delicious in Dungeon - First Impressions Review

This is based off the first 3 episodes of the anime and does contain spoilers. Please be aware that I have not read the manga and am not spoiled. 

I actually got to watch the first 2 episodes of the anime live at Anime NYC last year. It also came with a sampler manga volume that includes a bit of the first volume of Dungeon Meshi. I’m glad they gave this out, this is a cool and unique item. It was nice being able to look at the manga art while waiting for the panel to start, so then I could compare it to the anime. I think the visuals match the manga very well and think both look great. I think there may be slight differences in facial expressions but nothing notably different or anything I would notice if I was not intentionally looking closely while writing this. The visuals of the anime are very high quality. The animation and art are clean, detailed and smooth. 

I like the intricate details of monsters. The mollusks in the armor in episode 3 are fantastic and easily my favorite part of the show. This is creative, unique and fascinating. This was completely unexpected. It is so interesting and inventive. This took a classic fantasy enemy and explained it in an entirely new way. If they can pull this off every episode, I would be ecstatic. I hope we get to see more reimagining of classic creatures on top of one's original to the series. 

I also enjoy the cooking aspect of the show. It's very satisfying to watch. I do like very detailed cooking and eating animation. I think the show is at its best when it presents an interesting creature followed up with an interesting way that they are cooked. Again, this is done well in episode 3, where we see the multiple ways that the living armor could be cooked. 

Another specific moment I loved was the detailed look into traps in the dungeon. Traps in any kind of dungeon-like structure are a staple, but usually they are breezed past as the characters avoid them. It was great seeing how these mechanically function. And even greater to then see how these traps can be used to cook food. This is another time where Dungeon Meshi does something truly unique and inventive.

It’s also decently funny. I do not think it’s laugh out loud funny, but there’s good jokes. I do think Marcille’s reluctance may get a bit repetitive if it keeps getting leaned into so hard but hopefully it won’t be too bad if we continue the same pattern of each episode featuring a new monster or two that they show us how to cook. I am totally down if it primarily wants to continue the trend of creature cooking of the week for now. 

When it comes to the characters, Laios is the main one I have much to say about. I think he is a solid main character. He is pretty straightforward but with the funny flair of being concerningly fixated on eating dungeon creatures. 

It creates lots of great rapport between the characters, and I am totally up for this simply being a weird hyper fixation of his. I enjoy when writers embrace characters having weird specific passions like many real people do. I think there is potential for there to be some more depth to him through his responses to his sister being in danger, but sadly I do not think that element is being hit properly, at least not yet. I hope going forward we will get more perspective from Laios on his sister that makes me care more about her and them as a family. 

The previous point is a good transition into my primary gripe. I think the main premise of saving Falin clashes with the tone of the show. You’d think they would be rushing to save his sister but it does not come across that way at all. And I do not feel like this is out of caution for moving through the dangerous dungeon or any reason along those lines. I understand that the dragon probably digests slowly but it still doesn’t change that this is between life and death. Falin being in danger does not feel very relevant. A lot of the time it feels like they are taking their time and enjoying themselves. Which is not fundamentally bad, but feels strange when the reason for them being there is to save the main character’s sister from dying. It feels so irrelevant that I genuinely forget that she existed for a time. With the general tone and content I think a serious motivation like his sister being in danger isn’t needed as a plot point. They could just want to finish where they failed, and Laios just wanted to go through it but be able to cook the monsters this time. And I think nothing would need to change. I think a simpler and less serious motivation would be better. A more dramatic plot like someone slowly dying would fit better if the series seemed to have more intent on being dramatic. But I do not see many attempts at that so far. Even at the very beginning when they realize she is down there we do not see much emotional expression. It seems focused on just having fun with its concept of cooking in a dungeon. Which is totally fine, but for me this creates a very poor tone. If I want to just be invested in the cooking and adventuring then I do not see the purpose of Falin being slowly digested being in the back of my mind while they relax with some food. If I am supposed to care about Falin then it doesn’t feel right to see the characters spend time and effort just to test if they could use trap oil to safely fry something when she is being digested by a dragon. For me there is clear tonal whiplash that harms my investment in the show. 

I will definitely continue watching as I am enjoying the fun adventuring and cooking. Hopefully the tone will be improved as we go forward. The anime is already slated for 24 episodes so we have a lot ahead of us. I do like the basic episode structure of “creature of the week” but I do worry about it continuing to be interesting for 24 episodes 24 weeks in a row. But I think and hope we will get some more dramatic elements eventually and more focus on Falin being in danger while they take their time cooking. Thank you for reading!

[erumai-maadu]

imagine minato and even kushina being a mentor to tenten if both were alive. that would have been really cool not to mention tenten will even have more knowledge and further enhance her skills in fuinjutsu and space-time ninjutsu.

anon. anon are you in my WIP folder? anon no! get out of there it’s dangerous!

I literally have a WIP of kushina and minato being mentors to Tenten and her being an older sister to Naruto!! I think her being Kushina's student especially is so fucking cool and I would have LOVED to see their interactions in an AU because imagine all the cool fuinjutsu she could have learned?? Tenten-Hiraishin would be REAL and I would be happy.

Plus Kushina would absolutely adopt all of Naruto's friends, and it would take her one look at Team Gai before she declares they're all her kids, and yes that includes you too Gai, get in here.

also have the tiny snippet ive written:

Tenten’s ink brush moves across the scroll, her hands less steady than she would like. Her heart pounds in her throat and her hands quickly grow damp. At this point, she’s barely focusing on the seal in front of her, more occupied with the presence looming over her like a god passing judgment. “You’re not focusing, Tenten-chan,” comes the admonishment, gentler than she had expected. “I’m sorry, Uzumaki-san.” “Kushina-sensei is fine.” She grins down at Tenten, and for a moment, Tenten is struck by just how much Naruto takes after his mother. “Just make sure you keep focused. We can’t move on until you learn the basics of elemental sealing.” “Sorry, Kushina-sensei.” She ducks, feeling her ears burn. Picking up her brush once more, she tries to concentrate on the seal in front of her and fails miserably, hyper-aware of Kushina’s intense gaze. “Relax, Tenten-chan.” Kushina sits in the chair next to Tenten’s and tilts her head to look at her scroll, blazing red hair identical to Naruto’s falling over her shoulder. “We’re not all that intimidating, are we?” “N-no,” she lies. Kushina’s bright laughter brings the Hokage into the living room, a warm smile on his face. “Ah, Tenten-chan, how’s that seal going?” His eyebrows knit. “I wonder if we started you off with something too complex.” Tenten feels her heart skip a beat and fights the urge to leap out of her chair. “No, no! I can handle it, I promise!” She gestures at her scroll. “I’m nearly done, I just need to finish the stabilizing ring and it’ll be set to test!” “Don’t worry about her, Minato, I’ve been watching her the entire time.” She shares a look with her husband. “She’s got a real knack for fuinjutsu." "I suspected as much when Naruto told me about a girl who fought with scrolls of storage seals." He takes a seat at the table next to his wife. "I remember seeing reports of you fight at the chunin exams. I couldn't believe that you were self-taught, with those complex seals. It's been a while since we've seen anyone in Konoha with this much potential for fuinjutsu." Kushina nods. "With the right training you could become like the old masters of Uzushiogakure." Tenten's brush clatters to the table as Kushina leans forward and clasps Tenten's hands in hers. "We're excited to teach you, Tenten-chan!"

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

You know what actually? Y’all know that half-joke headcanon that’s around about all versions of Donnie that, before bedtime, Splinter reads him science books instead of fairytales?

I wanna.. see someone take that seriously, not gonna lie. Because there is so much potential there!

In Rise universe, it’s the main form of bonding for the two. Donnie isn’t very touchy and before they figured out how to deal with the soft shell situation, he wasn’t allowed to do as much stuff as his more sturdy bros, so one-on-one time with dad that focused on things Donnie was interested in meant a lot! And, even though Splinter has zero clue what most of the books’ contents mean, he can still provide the proper pronounciation (tell me there’s not a bajillion words that you can pronounce without having any idea wtf they mean, and he was in the film industry and his native language might be Japanese and not English, I think that’s a combo that can make you very hyper aware of every word outta your mouth). That, and, sometimes, I think Splinter walks away from that having learned new things! Sometimes, while babysitting, kids will spring the most random facts on me that I had no clue about! My brother has a huge interest in all sorts of creepy crawlies and whenever I’d read him from different animal books he’d provide me with (factual) extra information that he seemingly just. Gained from somewhere on his own. Also, Splinter would quote random stats at Donnie to calm him down I think

I admittedly don’t have many thoughts about the 2k12 universe, but I think it’d be an opportunity for all the tots to gather and listen together - a lot of the time, Donnie’s knowledge flies wayyy over their heads, but something about sitting together in a pile and listening to their dad read has immensely good vibes to them. So it’s the opposite from Rise, it’s a chance to all sit together, especially since there’s probably some crossover between interests! Leo likes Space Heroes after all, I think like any good fan he’d take random information he learns about things like space travel and satellites and lasers and use it to write scientifically correct Captain Ryan fanfiction. Raph is more interested in biology, especially after getting Spike, he wants to know which animals eat other animals, how much which animal can carry, I think he’d really enjoy all the extremes of the animal kingdom? Things like fastest animal or biggest animal would be really cool to him. I dunno if Mikey would get much out of it BUT I also think he’d really want to read in place of Splinter sometimes? I learned to read at a very early age and loved to read to other kids in kindergarten, partly because it meant everyone got quiet and listened to me - sounds familiar, right? I think Mikey would like it.

‘03 universe is a special case, I think reading as much as possible was a necessity - this Splinter got mutated from a rat, not into a rat, and suddenly he’s experiencing life as a person, and there’s so much to learn, especially with having four baby turtle mutants on his hands now! What is safe for them to eat but not for him, and vice versa? What temperatures can they survive in? And originally he started learning all of this on his own, but the moment Donnie could at least vaguely gesture, he wanted to read with Splinter. They learned how different sewer pathways are marked, how to know what street they’re under, but I’d also wager they’d have to learn stuff like.. what rat poison looks/smells like. What illnesses may not have been a problem for them as animals but is a possible danger now? It’s why I think funnily enough ‘03 Splinter would be to some extent open to doing experiments involving the other kids, because.. none of them knew anything about how to be a person (they can be mentally ill now and all of them are neurodivergent, rip), about walking on two legs (the real reason Splinter wears a cane is because his bones were NOT meant to last as long as they have. Rats live for like two years and his life span is now a massive unknown that his body wasn’t originally prepared for, and yeah the mutagen probably helped, but still.), just.. general existing is now something they have to learn. This would probably also be a good reason (not the only one, but one of them) Donnie feels like the team really won’t survive without him.

In short: Splinters should read science books to their Donnies :)

[headlesstypo]

Engaging in Typology and Interest Groups Before Adulthood

I’ve thought about this for awhile, but while typology can be an excellent source of information for building empathy, providing entertainment, and self development, there certain things to remember when engaging in the content and community, especially if you are ~17 or younger.  Some of what I’ll mention directly regurgitates basic internet safety and information you’ve already heard because I also had heard it all before and still fell into many of the same pitfalls I'll mention here (and also, some people just have garbage parents or are genuinely lacking the skills to operate the internet safely, so consider this a public service announcement). Remember this is a general description and some of what I mention may be general enough to also include experiences that are entirely fine, but please be sure to keep an eye out anyways. In spoilers because this could potentially be triggering to those who have had shitty experiences on the internet. I mostly cover the dangers surrounding being in a developmental stage of your life, overidentification, pathologizing behavior, and creepy people on the internet If this has something in it that directly harms you and I need to tag, lmk?

The Dangers of Identification With Labels and Groups: Yeah I know, this one's been repeated a million times. You of all people would never take typology that seriously or use it as a means to form your identity. I won't repeat that you need to consistently reinforce the idea that typology is a method of exploring yourself and kind of akin to a puzzle or toy rather than a labeling system that actually does a great job of describing you. There are even adults hyper identifying with the system to the point where it effects their lives, like please don't assume that by default you're not going to do that. Some people genuinely are but like... Do not just make the assumption that you are an outlier and are not susceptible to misinformation and locking yourself in a box. Self aware people aren't the ones making these mistakes, it is impossible to be completely self aware anyways. I think a big thing though is to reinforce that if you are in the age range I described, you are in a developmental stage of your life. Especially 12-17 is that age when you are actively forming an identity, you are behaving "cringe as hell" and exploring your own behavior, responses to things etc. Typology is primarily a tool to help adults who have already started habituating their own behavior, can take time to introspect and find their own pitfalls, and most of all have already made mistakes throughout their lives. Typology makes it very easy to pathologize your own behavior in the expectation that you should be chronically improving your life. If you are finding yourself chronically disappointed with how garbage your behavior is, you need to take a step back from typology (or whatever other group your into) and let yourself have normal learning experiences. Teens can be absolutely garbage but like... You're supposed to make mistakes and be kind of terrible and stupid, like that's a normal thing for your age group. The Danger of Blaming Your Issues on Typology: In the same way that typology pathologizes behavior, it also makes things that are not normal seem very normal. Naranjo, the guy that wrote a bunch a good portion of the basis for the enneagram studied personality disorders as just an example, so many of his descriptions will include depictions of abnormal behavior. It makes it seem normal Now to clarify, I am not telling you that if you relate to a personality description there is something very wrong with you. More than likely actually, there is not.

Examples from people who struggling and are using typology to avoid your problems:

"I am deeply ashamed of myself and hate my life, I always wish someone would love me but I am deeply defective. This is because I am an enneagram 4"

"I am an enneagram 6 because I experience crippling anxiety non-stop and/or cannot remove myself from the idea that other people can or want to hurt me or am deeply afraid I might hurt others and make mistakes"

"I am inferior Se because I am prone to addictive and dangerous behavior such as binge drinking, thrill seeking that endangers my health, almost get hit by cars every 5 seconds because I have the attention span of a newt, etc. Eheh I am so quirky."

"I am inferior Fe. I find it ok to be an asshole constantly to others and hurt others. This is because I do not understand feelings or think they are stupid. I am entirely fine with this because it is just an aspect of typology. "

"My [family member/person I hate] is this type because they [insert behavior that is directly dangerous towards you] That is so [typology] of them ahahahah"

I purposely phrased these to be funny, but also I have actually seen people say these things and be 100% serious about them. None of these are actually related to typology... Like at all. And tbh, you can think these things or experience these things at points in your life without there being anything seriously wrong with you or your life even If this is you though, please seek help or like... Take a break from typology. If you are concerned, literally just shoot me an ask and and ask. You can also ask the adults in your life or like... Friends if you're unsure if what you're experiencing is normal or not. Please do not assume that what you are experiencing is abnormal but like... Good merit is, if it is causing you or others harm or you are feeling miserable all the time, it's probably an issue.

Interweb Creeps and Echo Chambers: When interacting with any interest group, be it blogs on tumblr, forums, etc., always be aware of your age compared to that of the community and assert appropriate boundaries in dealing with them. Lots of great people in the community and there is lots of good opportunity for mentorship and advice reception from responsible adults, but as it is advertised as a tool for self growth, typology in particular is great at attracting creeps, those disenfranchised by their lives, and those looking for a tool for affirmation. I have had the unfortunate opportunity of talking to multiple people within the community who engaged when they were on the younger side only to be taken advantage of by adults in ways that were not always overtly and obviously dangerous. This danger is often exaggerated because typology as a whole is very personal in nature leaving people open about their experiences in a way that can quickly generate a feeling of intimacy and connection.

Dynamics to watch out for

Everyone around you has the exact same beliefs as you do. Even if your beliefs are "good" and the people around you seem to be reasonable and logical people, this is how echo chambers are formed. The community can be overall positive and helpful, but being in a position where everyone shares your opinions will also weaken your own ability to tolerate even benign, contrasting opinions without you knowing you've lost that ability

You are consistently providing therapy and support for the people you are speaking to online. Honestly, getting support on the internet is find and you can also provide support to others without it being an issue. There's an issue when you are getting nothing in return/it is one sided, you are feeling drained, or you feel as if you stopped speaking to this person, they would harm themselves. This is known to be damaging in excess and can result in problems as simple as compassion fatigue and as severe as traumatic experiences.

The person you are speaking to presents themselves as all knowing, guru like, and as if they can solve all your problems or save you from your personal situation.

You are in a near exclusively a community where no one else is in your age range. Honestly, this can be harmless if done right, but people can sometimes fall into the issue where they are treating themselves as not their age and expecting themselves to be capable in areas they are not or unaccepting of their own personal development because everyone around them is in a different developmental phase than they are.

[kj-1130]

Nothing For Me

Part 7

Main Masterlist

Part 6|Part 8

     You and MJ’s relationship continued to grow as time went on. 

     As she started her first year of high school, you worked on yourself, wanting to be good for her.

     Overtime, you learned how to process and deal with things better. You focused on yourself and your developing relationship with MJ and needless to say, things started to look up. 

     The ‘present but not really present father’ thing didn’t affect you as much as it did, but it was still there. It was one of the only things you hadn’t fully processed and to be honest, you didn’t think you ever could. 

     Your father is there, and has been aware of presence for almost a decade. And not once has he given you any type of consolation or love like a father should. You would think after Pepper was getting more involved in his life and forcing him to clean up (most of) his act, he would open his eyes and realize that a whole human being was living with him, waiting for him to realize that they were supposed to be relying on him; not an AI built in the comfort of their room. 

     But nope. Absolutely nothing changed. If anything, things got worse. 

     He was away more often, focusing on the Avengers. Or he was with Pepper, the new love of his life. 

     You tried not to linger on the situation often, knowing it would only lead to pain in your chest. So you just stuffed it in the back of your mind, hoping one day that the pain would just lessen all together. 

     About two months ago, you and MJ had decided to make things official after going on your first date. At first you talked about how fast the two of you were going, but Michelle simply said ‘we’ll be u-haul lesbians then.’ That was the end of the conversation. 

     Currently, you and your girlfriend were facetiming. You would’ve made the trek to her house but she was about to study and you both knew that you’d distract her. Plus the two of you were due for some time away from each other considering the fact that you’re at her place almost everyday. 

     “Okay, so I found this recipe the other day and I’m just now remembering it.”

     MJ looks at you confused, “Okay?” 

     You roll your eyes playfully.

     “I wanted to try it with you. After my ban from your place has been lifted.” 

     “It’s not a ban,” she chuckled.

     “Well, it sure as hell feels like one ba-”     “Mr. Stark has arrived with a guest,” M.I.A cut you off. 

     “Who is this guest?” 

     “Secretary of State, Thaddues Ross,” the AI replied, pulling up pictures of the man. 

     “Hey M, I’m gonna call you back.”

     “Yeah, yeah,” she nods, looking a little concerned. “Take all the time you need. Let me know if everything’s okay.”

     The two of you give your goodbyes and you ask M.I.A to pull up the live footage from the conference room.

     “Perspective. The world owes the Avengers an un-payable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives… but while a great a=many people see you as heroes, there are some who would prefer the word “vigilantes”, is what you first hear when you start watching. 

     Immediately your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

     “And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?” Natasha asks.

     “How about ‘dangerous’?” he replies. “What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

     The secretary activates a screen behind him which begins to play the previous battles the Avengers and SHIELD have fought in. 

     “New York.” 

     He clicks a button, footage of chitauri, shooting guns, and Hulk smashing plays. 

     “Washington D.C”

     A new video appears, showing the insight helicarriers firing at each other with chaos following. 

     “Sokovia.” 

     The frame changes, showcasing the terrified citizens that were on the flying piece of land. 

     “Lagos.” 

     “That’s enough,” Steve interrupts. 

     Ross nods in response and begins his speech again. 

     “For the past four years, you’ve operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That’s an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution.”

     He places a thick document on the table and slides it across to Wanda. As the team slides the book to each other Ross starts talking. 

     “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries… it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they’ll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.” 

     “The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place,” the Captain begins. “I feel we’ve done that.”

     “Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?” There was a momentary pause as the two men’s eyes met. “If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes… you can bet there’d be consequences. Compromise. Reassurance. That’s how the world works. Believe me, this is middle ground.”

     At this point, you’re walking out of your room after transfering the feed to your tablet and making your way to the elevator.

     “So, these are contingencies,” Rhodey states. 

     “Three days from now,” Secretary Ross begins. “The UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords. Talk it over.” 

     Natasha speaks up, “And if we don’t come to a decision you don’t like?”

     “Then you retire.” 

     The elevator stops and you look up seeing the Secretary walk in with someone behind him. You give him a subtle disgusted look before turning your attention back to the security footage.

     As the deathtrap descends, you can feel his eyes lingering on you. 

     “Can I help you?” 

     “You’re a little young to be an intern.” 

     “You’re a little old to be looking at me like that,” you shrug, swiping away from the video on your tablet as you feel him looking over your shoulder. 

     Ross gives an awkward chuckle and furrows his eyebrows. When you reach the bottom floor, he gets ready to step out and places a hand on your shoulder. 

     You look at him like he’s lost his mind. 

     “You seem like a good kid. Be sure to make good choices.” 

     Raising an eyebrow, you refrain from saying what you want to say. You lift your hand and gently take his off of you. 

     “Don’t touch me,” 

     Once he exits, you hear the chatting start back up.

     “Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor,” Rhodes told Sam. “Which is one more than you have. 

     “So let’s say we agree to this thing,” Wilson starts. “How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

     “117 countries want to sign this. 117, Sam, and you’re just like, ‘No that’s cool. We got it.” 

     “I have an equation,” Vision announces as you get back on the elevator. 

     “Oh this will clear it up,” Sam mutters. 

     “In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.“

     “Toaster oven’s got a point there,” you mumble, stepping back on the metal deathtrap. 

     Steve asks,“Are you saying it’s our fault?”

     “I’m saying there may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict… breeds catastrophe. Oversight… oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.” 

     “Boom,” Rhodey says.                             

     You see Tony lying on the couch, quite relaxed, contradicting the tense atmosphere. 

     “Tony,” Nat starts. “You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal.”

     “It’s because he’s already made up his mind,” Steve explained. 

     “Boy, you know me so well,” Stark starts, getting up and rubbing the back of his head. “Actually I’m nursing an electromagnetic headache,” he pauses to grab a mug of coffee. “That’s what’s going on, Cap. It’s just pain. It’s discomfort. Who’s putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

     Tony puts his phone in a basket and taps the screen. An image is projected of a smiling young man. 

     “Oh, that’s Charles Spencer, by the way. He’s a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn’t want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn’t go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.”

     He pauses for a second as the team soaks in the information.

     “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won’t know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.

     “There’s no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I’m game. If we can’t accept limitations, if we’re boundary-less, we’re no better than the bad guys.”

     “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don’t give up,” Steve rebuttals.

     “Who said we’re giving up?” 

     “We are if we’re not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame.”

     “I’m sorry. Steve,” Rhodey blurted. “That-that is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we’re talking about. It’s not the World Security Council, it’s not SHIELD, it’s not HYDRA.”

      “No, but it’s run by people with agendas, and agendas change.”   

      “That’s good,” Tony starts. “That’s why I’m here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.  

     “Tony, you chose to do that. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don’t let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

     “If we don’t do this now, it’s gonna be done to us later. That’s a fact. That won’t be pretty.”

     Wanda finally speaks up, “You’re saying they’ll come for me.”

     “We would protect you,” Vision promised. 

     “Maybe Tony’s right,” the redhead speaks. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off--”

     “Aren’t you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam interrupts. 

     “I’m just… I’m reading the terrain. We have made… some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back. 

     “Focus up,” Tony says. “I’m sorry, did I just mishear or did you agree with me?”

     “Oh, I want to take it back now.”

     “No, no, no. You can’t retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case-closed--I win.” 

     From what you see, Steve stands to leave abruptly. 

     You then walk out of the elevator, tablet still in hand with the footage up. The captain walks past you just as you turn the corner and spot the team. 

     “Someone’s upset,” you hum. 

     You walk past everyone towards the fridge and grab a water bottle. 

     “Anyway, that was very childish. And kinda stupid.” 

     Inquisitive looks are thrown your way and you hold up the tablet awkwardly as you plop down on a chair. 

     “I was watching you. I kinda do that a lot. It’s not as creepy as it sounds.” 

     You open the bottle and take a sip. 

     “What are you doing down here kid--”

     “Ahhh,” you interrupt. “Don’t call me a kid. I haven’t been a child for years.”

     “Just answer the question,” Tony snaps. 

     “I like to stay informed. No one tells me anything and while you think that these private meetings only affect you, it doesn’t. It affects me too. You may not remember I’m your child but several people do. And that puts me in danger. So yes, I listen to your conversations to make sure it’s nothing I need to worry about.” 

     An awkward silence washes over as you gulp down more water. 

     “Anyway, I was just riding up and down the elevator waiting for you guys to finish. That Ross dude is kinda creepy by the way. But you’re really considering signing that thing?” 

     “Not you too,” your father mutters. 

      You let out a laugh and everyone looks at you strangely. 

      “Is this funny to you?” Rhodey asks. 

      “Yes,” you stop laughing abruptly. “I find it hilarious that this is the same government that was ready to drop a nuke on the city during the Battle of New York not giving a damn about a single civilian that was still in the area. I find it hilarious that this is the same government that lets thousands of children and women of color go missing and not do a thing about it. It’s funny that this is the same government that let HYDRA, Red Room, AIM; all that shit grow right under their nose. It’s funny because this government is the same one that uses taxpayer money for dumb ass projects and unnecessary military funding instead of using it to fund shit that helps the civilians they claim they care so much about. I mean how can you not find this situation amusing?”

     “Look,” Tony attempts. 

     “I’m not finished,” you challenge, looking him dead in the eyes. “This government don’t give a damn about y’all, especially not the three of us,” you say, gesturing to yourself, Sam, and Rhodey. “We’d be booted out of this country before you could even blink if they ever got the chance and you know that.

     “I don’t know why y’all are so adamant on gaining the government’s trust when they don’t give a flying fuck about you or these goddamn civilians. All they care about is power. They don’t care how many civilians come up missing or die in some tragic accident. It doesn’t matter what happens. When they see someone becoming richer or smarter or more powerful than they are, they will do anything to shut that shit down. 

     “I don’t understand how you can’t see that. And maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just me and my experience,” you pause, catching the gaze of every person in the room with hard eyes. You take a deep breath and try to calm down. “Sign it if you want to. Think about how many lives you’ll lose then.”

     You stand from your spot and walk into the open elevator, ready to get to the comfort of your bed. 

-

     It had been two days since the initial meeting and you were currently sitting on Michelle’s bed watching her read. 

     “You’re really pretty,” you muttered out of the blue.

     You saw your girlfriend’s cheeks develop a subtle red tint as she mumbled back a ‘thank you, and continued reading. You groan and gently pull the book out of her hands. 

     “Hey,” she quietly protests. 

     “Please,” you pout, holding your arms out as an invitation.

     MJ fondly rolls her eyes before lowering herself onto you. You hummed contently and squeezed her before planting a kiss on her cheek. 

     She surprised you by turning her head and giving you a lingering kiss. That one kiss soon turned into something more. 

     Michelle gently pushed you onto your back and straddled your hips. Bending down she kissed you once again, her lips gliding with yours. 

     This continued for a few minutes, taking small breaks in between to breathe. You don’t think you could ever get enough of her and hoped that she was feeling similarly.

     You kissed until your jaws hurt. The euphoric feeling still lingered as MJ rested her forehead against yours, trying to catch her breath. 

     “We should do that again sometime,” you mumbled. 

     Your girlfriend nodded in response, giving one more chaste kiss to your lips before dropping to your side. 

     “Tomorrow,” she said after glancing at the clock that read 10:47. 

     “Guess I’m spending the night then.” 

     “I have no problem with that.”

-

     The next day, you were awoken by beeping from your phone. Once you were fully aware of your surroundings you picked up the device and read the notifications that M.I.A sent through. Scanning through them, you sat up with urgency and played the video. 

     “A bomb hidden in a news van ripped through the UN building in Vienna. More than 70 people have been injured. At least 12 are dead, including Wakanda’s King T’Chaka. Officials have released a video of a suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Bares, the Winter Soldier. The infamous HYDRA agent, linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations.”

     Carefully removing Michelle’s arm from around your waist, you stand up and move to the corner of the room. You press the contact and hold the phone up to your ear. 

      “Nat what the fuck is going on?”

     You hear the woman sigh on the other side of the phone.     “Look, just… stay wherever you are.”

     “Yeah, okay, whatever. I want answers, Nat.”

     “(Y/n),” she says firmly. “Calm down and go back to whatever you were doing. Right now, this does not concern you and I would like it to stay that way. Do you understand me?”

     There was some silence, before you let out a forced chuckle. 

     “Okay, whatever. Bye.”

     “(Y/n) c’mo--”

     You disconnected the call and gently tossed the phone onto MJ’s desk.     “You sound stressed.” 

     Turning around to face the bed, you see Michelle sat up and leaning against the headboard. You nod slowly and crawl your way up towards her. 

     “I am.”

     You feel her hand take hold of your clenched ones and she rubs them, causing you to relax slightly. 

     “There was a um, bombing at the--the um… signing thing. And no one wants to tell me what’s going on, so,” you end the sentence, shrugging. 

     MJ’s head drops onto your shoulder and you let her cuddle close. 

     “They told me to stay where I was. So hopefully we can get something good out of that.” 

     There was no response and you thought she had fallen back asleep, but you were proven wrong when your girlfriend started getting up. 

     “C’mon,” she instructed, holding her hand out when she saw the look of confusion on your face. 

     Taking her hand, the two of you made your way to the kitchen. 

     She turned around and grabbed your shoulders. 

     “We are going to make some breakfast… or lunch whatever. And then we are going to binge watch until we can binge watch no longer. Alright?”

     You nod your head, chuckling and then got to work. 

-

     It had been days since you last heard from anyone. No updates from Natasha. M.I.A even told you there hasn’t even been a great deal of movement in the compound. Today you decided you would head back. 

     When you arrived it was quiet. As you walked down the halls you heard distant chatter and followed it. 

     Turning the corner, you were surprised at what you saw. 

     “What the hell happened?”

     The two men turned to look your way, but you were given no answers. 

     Tony had bruises on his face and he looked more tense than usual. Rhodey had some sort of tech on his legs. 

     “You fought them. You fought them all, didn’t you?” 

     Both men looked away and avoided your gaze. 

     “You didn’t even listen to what I said. This is what the government does. I tried to tell you, but you didn’t even fucking listen,” you ranted, your voice slightly raising.

     “Us breaking apart wasn’t the government. Most of this is on some guy th--”

     “Well the government allowed it to happen so I’d say it is their fault!” 

     You turned to your father with pleading eyes. 

     “Where are they, Tony?”

     “Kid, they’re criminals now, I don’t--”

     “Stop calling me that! I’m--I’m not some kid. I’m not your kid,” you let out a frustrated breath. “You--you couldn’t talk it out? Like mature adults? You just had to go assert your dominance somewhere--in what? An--an airport? Some vacant lot? You just had to fight. Do you not know how to communicate?” 

     You looked at the two men, shook your head, and brushed past them. 

     Just when things were alright.

-

     “(Y/n)?” 

     “What M.I.A?”

     You were currently laying in your bed trying to control the tears that were begging to fall from your eyes due to the amount of overwhelming shit you had been hit with. You talked with MJ for a little while and while it helped a bit, you honestly were still feeling like… well shit.

     “There’s a package for you.” 

     Furrowing your eyebrows, you head down to where the mail is usually placed, get the package with your name on it, and head back to your room. 

     Grabbing a pair of scissors, you cut the tape and open the box. Inside was a letter and a phone. 

     Hey sweetheart.

     It was Natasha’s handwriting.

     I’m sorry. I really am. We all are. I wish things wouldn’t have ended this way, but they did and we can’t really do anything about it now. 

     I listened to what you said. I listened and I tried my best to understand. I don’t think I ever wanted to sign the accords in the first place. The only reason I did so was so that we could stay together. So that I could stay with you. This team is the only family I’ve had in a long time. The fact that that stack of papers could end that scared me. 

     I just kept trying to convince myself that signing the Accords was the right thing to do; anything to keep this team together. Anything to keep everything from falling apart. 

     But the more I thought about it, I realized. You were right. Everything you said. This government doesn’t care. And if the government doesn’t care like they’re supposed to then we need to. People need the government, but they don’t have it. They do have us though. And they always will. 

     I love you. I didn’t say it enough and I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get to tell you that again. You are so precious to me and I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. If you ever need anything, you can always give me a call. 

     You wiped your eyes and gently picked up the phone. You held it in your hands for a moment before setting it down. You folded the letter back up neatly and placed both items in the top drawer of your nightstand. 

     You laid back down on your bed with less tears on your face. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Permanent Taglist

@stillmanicc​, @annestine​, @ymzki-haruki​

Nothing For Me Taglist

@littlegasps​, @leahnicole1219​, @thebadassass, @legendarymcnuggies, @big-galaxy-chaos​, @believinghurts​, @play-morezeppelin​, @vavilip​, @coollemonsaresour​, @ximaginx​, @xx-narcissa​

Marvel Taglist

@hateinthemorning​, @mylove4life​, @badbitchyonjii, @blueposthings​

[lunaserenade]

Safeguard

Masterlist

Author’s Note: Set directly after Clandestine, As always thanks to @violentcosmicsymphony​ and @briefgalaxycat​ for beta reading and enduring my rambling. The two of you are wonderful and I adore you guys.

Part four of the Meet Me at Sunrise series:

Previous Chapter: Clandestine

Next Chapter: Wanderlust

Pairing: Marcus Pike x FBI!Reader

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: Light violence and swearing

Summary: Securing a meeting with the forger, the undercover mission comes to a head.

Tall with sandy blonde hair, broad shoulders, and high cheekbones Christian Laurent was an attractive man if you didn’t know who he really was. Underneath the expensive suit and charm was a ruthless psychopath with a great deal of blood on his hands. Christian's eyes raked over your body and as his eyes met yours you had to suppress a shiver and instead give him a winning smile.

“Mr. Laurent, it’s nice to meet you.” Marcus said, his voice warm but he had seen how Christian had looked at you, sliding an arm around your waist loosely.

“The pleasure is all mine. Alexandria said your wife was looking to purchase one of my paintings?” Christian said peeling his eyes from you.

“Indeed, we want to add it to our private collection. I'm willing to pay handsomely for it.” Marcus said, studying Christian carefully.

“I could arrange that. Anything to make the wife happy, right?” Christian replied with a smirk you wished you could knock off his smug face.

“My husband loves to give extravagant anniversary presents.” You said fondly, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“My assistant will set up the details with Alexandria, I look forward to doing business with you.” Christian gestured to a large man standing off to the side. If that man was an assistant, you were a damn astronaut. Burly and easily over six foot he was clearly Laurent's muscle. Laurent raked his eyes over your body one last time before he gave you both a nod and swept off into the crowded gala.

---------------

Laurent had insisted on showing his gallery to you and Marcus, saying he had the painting there anyway. It instantly made you uneasy and that's how you found yourself in a tank top strapping on a bullet proof vest before putting a loose button up shirt over it. The buy was this evening and Marcus was briefing Price and Collins, it should be straight forward: You and Marcus would meet with Christian Laurent at his gallery and exchange cash for the forged painting. When Price and Collins heard the go word on the wire, they would raid the gallery, arresting Laurent and his associate. Finally, after long months of work the team would get this dangerous man and his cronies behind bars. You would be relieved when this night was over, and all of this was behind everyone.

“Are you ready for this?” Marcus reached out and touched your arm. You let out a soft sigh, nodding. You reached out and lightly touched his chest, feeling his vest hidden under a black henley.

“I'll be a lot happier when we're on our way back to D.C.” You admitted. Pulling on a jacket and grabbing your Glock, you and the team headed out of the small apartment and out into the chilly autumn air.

---------------

Stepping into Christian Laurent's gallery felt just as unsettling as you thought it would be, there were too many hidden corners for your liking. Christian stood in the middle of the room with his 'assistant' next to him, the painting that you were going to use to put this monster behind bars at his feet. You took Marcus' hand, intertwining your fingers, and approached Laurent. In your free hand you had what felt like the world's biggest cliché: a briefcase filled with cash.

“Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Ramos.” Laurent greeted the pair of you.

“You have a very nice set up here Mr. Laurent.” You observed while your eyes scanned the room for threats under the pretense of being impressed by his collection. You were fairly sure half of these were his own works, forgeries that could only be spotted by the best of art experts.

“You're too kind Mrs. Ramos, Perhaps I'll have another painting you'll be interested in, in the future.” Laurent continued.

“We come through New York occasionally, perhaps we'll have to visit again.” Marcus agreed, “Perhaps we should get down to business, I promised Daniela a night on the town.”

“Of course. I have the painting here,” he gestured for his associate to exchange the painting with Marcus for the briefcase filled with cash.

“Three hundred thousand as agreed, you'll find it all there.” Marcus stated handing it over and taking the painting.

“Of course. I hope to do business in the future with the pair of you.” Laurent replied with a nod.

“Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Laurent” You affirmed and that was it. The team had their go ahead. Five seconds later they burst in, shouts of “FBI! PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!” bellowing from Price and Collins as they entered guns drawn with several other agents at their heels.

That's when you saw it. The metal of a gun catching the light as a third man emerged from a dark corner towards Marcus' back as time seemed to slow. Reaching for your gun you took a step between Marcus and the armed intruder. You weren't sure which registered with you first, the flash from the muzzle of the gun or the sound but you definitely felt it. Two shots directly to the abdomen, knocking you off your feet. Marcus spun and fired twice taking down the gunman with ease. Price and Collins took Laurent and his partner into custody as other agents swept the building. Marcus dropped to his knees next to you in a panic.

“Damn it.” you coughed, struggling to catch your breath, the impact of the shot having knocked the wind out of you.

“I need paramedics!” Marcus shouted as he pulled back your jacket searching for injury. “Are you hurt?!”

“I'm alright,” you replied, sitting up with a wince. Seeing the unbridled panic in his eyes you continued “Really Marcus, the vest caught the rounds.” you reassured hyper-aware of the potential audience the pair of you had.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Marcus' hands shook as he helped you strip off the layers you wore over your body armor. You reached for his hand as he started to pull at the velcro of your vest.

“Marcus I'm fine.” You murmured as you reached for his hand.

“But you so easily couldn't have been,” he insisted in a fierce whisper so only you could hear him. “I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you because of me.” You gave his hand a squeeze, trying to calm him.

“Marcus...” you were interrupted by the arrival of the paramedics. Marcus gingerly helped you to your feet and assisted you in removing your vest, dropping it to the floor. The paramedics insisted on fussing over you despite your protests. After a short examination it seemed there was no major injury, possibly a bruised rib and you had a massive bruise in your future but otherwise you came out unscathed. Marcus called out to the rest of your team, asking Price and Collins to handle the arrests and finish up while he took you to the hospital, ignoring your grumbles of just wanting to go home.

After an entirely too long of a visit to the hospital for your liking you were cleared, you and Marcus made your way back to DC. The months of work had finally come to fruition, all you wanted was to crawl into your own bed and rest with Marcus at your side.

---------------

Sunrise, especially here on the steps of the Lincoln Monument, had become something special that you and Marcus liked to share together. At this early hour in the morning, it felt private, almost as if the gorgeous orange and pink hues that were spreading across the sky was a rare painting made just for the pair of you. You sat between Marcus’ stretched out legs, your back pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist as you reflected on the last few days. The gala, the facade of being married to Marcus, and how close you came to losing him. The mere idea of losing him had shook you to your core and you honestly couldn’t fathom how you would be able to survive that.

Marcus pressed a kiss to your shoulder and another to your temple, stirring you out of your self-reflection.

“What’s going on up there?” His words echoing yours from so many months ago, the first morning the two of you had spent on these steps. Taking a deep breath you shifted slightly so you could see his face clearly, giving him an adoring smile.

“I... I love you Marcus.” You had known you were hopelessly in love with him for some time but were terrified to tell him too soon. He had been through so much and you hadn’t wanted to scare him off. The massive smile that broke across his face told you instantly those worries had been for naught. He captured your lips in a tender kiss, soft but passionate. Resting his forehead against yours he smiled.

“I love you too...” Marcus said, lightly kissing the tip of your nose. “I love you so much.”

tagged: @diva-1992​, @yespolkadotkitty​​, @sarahjkl82-blog​​, @seasonschange-butpeopledont​, @mrsparknuts​​, @disgruntledspacedad​​, @mrschiltoncat​

Let me know if you'd like to be added to my tags. 💕

[feministandangry]

Catcalling the 97%

I really have to stop responding to troll comments online, sometimes they just make it so easy though and with a broken wrist, time off work and a never ending lockdown....realistically what else am i going to do with my time?

So i made some videos on tik tok (yes.....i fell down the millenial tik tok hole) about the 97% statistic and on sexual harassment in general. From seeing videos and reading comments i can see that there are a lot of people who don’t understand what SH actually is or why something they (men generally) consider innocuous could be so threatening to women. So on an app with the highest population of trolls in social media history...i engaged. 

A comment i received on a video yesterday went something like this....”why can’t women just take a compliment? I mean you don’t have to say thanks...just carry on with your day and stop crying about it”. Yes, he was talking about catcalling. So when i read comments like this from user123456789 with no profile picture or followers or bio....i think to myself, are they just a bored troll seeing how much trouble they can cause, do they genuinely believe the idiocy they are spewing, or is it both? Either way, i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to reply to this one (against my better judgement...again, i am very bored)

I obviously didn’t manage to have a serious conversation with this dude because he was an ignorant pig, but i made a video in reply to his comment explaining what catcalling is really about and why it is quite so disgusting/threatening. It constantly surprises me how many people know nothing about the experiences of women, some because they don’t want to and i guess others because they aren’t in a relationship where these experiences are shared (unlike my poor husband who has my experiences and feminist take on life shoved down his throat on a daily basis).

I asked my husband recently if he considered that he had ever sexually harassed anyone and to my surprise he very quickly responded with a clear “yes”. As with most men, his intention wasn’t to harass or intimidate women, rather to have a laugh or act the big man in front of the group. I don’t believe that any man really thinks that catcalling will get him the girl, my husband says that if he was genuinely interested in someone then it would never have been the way he went about it. It is a demonstration of “masculinity” mostly, its “banter” and in some cases its a power display and yes....a way to intimidate women. 

Catcalling itself is a bizarre behaviour - shouting shit at random people on the street isn’t generally acceptable social behaviour, but why is it sexual harassment rather than just a weird behaviour that some (a lot) of men perpetrate? Someone (yes...a man) said to me yesterday online that what makes an act harassment is not the consequence but the intent and i could not disagree more. By this logic someone could commit any number of crimes and be absolved depending on their intent. 

What is the compliment that has most stuck with you? For me personally i don’t want to be complimented on my looks or body, a compliment that will stick with me will likely be about intelligence or achievement, things that i have worked hard for. Someone shouting at me in the street about how i look is certainly NOT a compliment. 

We have all experienced it and most of us a lot worse. So going back to the comment this neanderthal made on my video....most women DO ignore this kind of behaviour, however much we may want to tell them to go fuck themselves, the majority of the time we ignore it...put our heads down, cross the road and speed up. Why? Because to do otherwise has the potential for danger for us as women. Lets face it, even when we do ignore it they often continue to shout at us or even follow us down the street. Most women have had experiences with either sexual harassment or sexual assault and so how do they expect us to react when they start yelling this crap at us in the street? It is NOT a compliment and it IS harassment. It is scary, demeaning, intimidating and often insulting. It makes us feel uncomfortable and it changes the way that women behave in public. 

A few years ago i had a conversation with my husband about “walking while female”. He had no idea the way in which women adapt their behaviour to promote their own safety in public. Simple things that men take for granted - walking with both earphones in, walking at night, not having to be hyper aware of their surroundings, not crossing the road when they see someone walking towards them and not having to plan their route according to which route they will be less likely to be attacked on. These are things that girls and women do almost without thinking about, it is an ingrained behaviour....something we don’t remember being taught ourselves but we certainly remember the sad day we have to teach our daughters the same lessons. 

If men could stop being defensive for a minute and listen to the experiences we have had our entire lives maybe they could understand why a stranger screaming judgement on your looks/body on the street would trigger our fight or flight response. Of course there are men that look for this exact reaction, they love the power they have over women and live to incite fear. I have to believe that this is the minority though and what these defensive men don’t seem to realise is that it is those men they are defending when they defend this behaviour. 

That someone (even a tiktok troll) would suggest that women stop crying and just ignore the behaviour rather than advocating for men to stop and understand how destructive this behaviour is proves to me how strong the band of brothers is. The irony is that they are the ones screaming not all men at the top of their lungs while mansplaining how women’s experiences are invalid...thus making them...one of “those” men. 

I have never before experienced this level of determination to not listen...it brings women down to the point of not wanting to talk about their experiences. It is an excellent silencing technique. Unfortunately i think most men don’t realise that this is the intention and they genuinely feel like they are being victimised. 

And how the fuck are we supposed to grow as a society when the perpetrators are so convinced that they are the victims?

[nice-kill-tanaka]

May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz

I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.

[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]

YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖

And, the lucky person is:

⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰

Quirk: Dragon

Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.

Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.

Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.

Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)

When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.

Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.

🌱Humble Beginnings🌱

I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?

You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school

First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”

By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”

Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought

While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back

With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities

Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???

The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together

They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn

It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A. 

Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you

But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:

“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine

The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass

All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day

But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself

You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested

((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))

Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you

Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)

But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier

(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)

The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards

“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”

You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected

The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts

“…Hm?”

You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet

“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”

You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger

“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”

“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”

This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)

But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”

🌳Flourishing Love🌳

The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam

He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one

You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground

It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it

You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation

Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete

Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground

“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”

Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot

You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅

You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you

And he didn’t even know your name

As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.

You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert

Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was

He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)

Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉

As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)

And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes

It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D

Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident

You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)

Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you

He told you on your way to school the next morning:

“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”

“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”

Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that

‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’

And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I love the purgatory prayer for the Emotions and acting choices. But at the same time, I'm really bothered by the implications that it was wrong and unreasonable of Dean to be upset about his mother's death and he should apologise for that. I mean, apologising for your behaviour is great, but that's his mom, and Cas did fuck up in this situation, Dean had every right to be pissed! Esp since it all really happened not so long ago.

Idk, that's probably my problem with the whole Beren's anger arc in s13-15: they repeatedly gave Dean very good reasons for anger (bc he's still a protagonist), but then turned around and acted like he's crazy for expressing or even feeling it. It just doesn't sit right with me. Also, it felt kind of redundant after the MoC plot, which was also about Dean's rage. And tbh, to me, MoC storyline handled this theme (for the most part) better.

Sorry for ranting in your ask box, you are my fave meta writer in this fandom, and it's always interesting to see your pov on different aspects of the show.

Thank you ^-^

I agree! It’s actually curious that you bring up the MoC arc because earlier I was thinking about it... That was different, because the “rage” was programmaticly trauma. In the Carver era Dean’s mirrors are characters like Claire, Amara, characters who lash out from a place of pain and betrayal. That was clear and intentional.

The narrative drastically shifted at a certain point from “the MoC draws from your inner darkness” (which was more in line with the “dark variation on fantasy” thing they played with back then) to “the MoC draws from the Darkness” but at the end of the day it doesn’t really change much, because Dean and Amara are the same. In Supernatural’s horror variation on the fantasy classic, there’s no clear lines drawn between who’s Frodo and who’s Gollum and who’s the Ring, because there’s no magical source of evil, but evil is trauma. (But Dean is definitely Frodo, who gets his return to the Shire at the end that he can never quite enjoy because everything’s changed - I’m pretty sure it was planned all along that Mary wouldn’t be The Perfect Mother, because she was supposed to be Frodo’s return home, things can never be the same after the journey. But I don’t think Mary was supposed to just get killed like that.)

The Jack arc feels different because Dean also lashes out from pain and trauma, but somehow the narrative is not compassionate to him. The narrative of the Carver is kind to Dean, it gives him the return home at the end.

Now, people have been making jokes and memes about Dean in the Jack arc - how he was basically the man resentful at the child for killing the wife in childbirth, how he was “baby trapped”, how he and Cas were respectively husband-coded and wife-coded... well, that’s not an incorrect assessment...? Dean was painted as an angry man, you know? Not as a villain, of course, because it was still acknowledged that his anger came from a place of pain and trauma, but in a way where he cannot understand his feelings and doesn’t really have much to write home about in the emotional intelligence department.

The Carver era painted Dean as a wronged woman in pain slash Frodo who thinks he’s Gollum or even the Ring itself, the last seasons painted Dean as an angry man who somewhat can’t recognize that anger comes from trauma. (I’ve always said that the tragedy of Dean is that Dean is aware. And the tragedy comes from the helplessness. That’s how I read him, at least.)

Obviously not all writers write Dean the same which results in a picture more complex than this, but this at least is the general gist of it, imo. Or, at least, this is one side of the issue.

The other side of the issue, as you point out, is that the narrative doesn’t seem to allow Dean his feelings. I don’t know if it’s a reaction to the Carver’s era tendency to write Sam as vaguely unsympathetic and Cas as chronically suffering from bad decision syndrome, but possibly - Sam is now the sympathetic one (at least in theory, because Dean always defies intentions...) and Cas is Definitely Taking The Right Decisions. So everything regarding Jack is The Right Decision, because Jack Is Good And Will Save The World, and Dean... Dean is chronically wrong and an ass because he doesn’t quite jump on the wagon. (Despite being cool with getting on the wagon on his own terms, based on his own assessments.)

Jack is repeatedly shown as naive and dangerously easy to manipulate for the wrong things, and hardly in control of his hyper-powerful powers, but if Dean expresses reservations then he’s chastized for it, despite having all the reasons to be terrified of what Jack can potentially do.

But first Sam projects himself on Jack (and when that happens there’s no escape from it, Dean is the asshole ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and then Cas is Totally Right This Time, so Dean should not be a dick and definitely should not experience grief and trauma in ways we don’t like. Only Good(TM) trauma survivors allowed.

[poychachi]

How to Write About PTSD

@writinghaven on instagram [source: https://lisahallwilson.com/how-to-write-about-ptsd-in-deep-point-of-view/]

PTSD is featured in many fictional works, primarily as a source of internal conflict for a character. However, many writers simply research symptoms and run with it. There is so much more to PTSD than flashbacks that can add emotional layers, depth, and connection to readers, as well as increase the accuracy of the representation. Here are some important things to remember/consider when writing about PTSD! 

What do writers get wrong about PTSD? 

Giving characters a traumatic past and an ongoing condition that hinders their ability to move on is great for character arc if you can pull it off. Otherwise it can come off sounding trite or melodramatic. The character struggling with PTSD is facing overwhelming odds, and any character who stands up to a bully of any kind (even when it’s a mental illness) is someone readers will cheer for.

Do more research than just symptoms. Flashbacks seem to be the most appealing aspect of writing a character with PTSD, but actual recurring flashbacks are a symptom of very severe PTSD which is absolutely debilitating in every way. Try talking to someone who struggles with this. Read blogs written by those who live with or struggle with this, or have a loved one who struggle with this. Know that the symptoms don’t encompass the whole struggle but are simply the tip of the iceberg.

What else is there to PTSD other than flashbacks? 

Yes, flashbacks can happen with PTSD, but here’s the truth about flashbacks – not everyone has them frequently or even at all. Most writers love the idea of using flashbacks, I’ll admit they’re fun to play with, but where writers often miss the mark with PTSD are all the OTHER symptoms that are debilitating and soul-crushing. Far more common are triggers which require more subtlety and art to really convey how devastating they can be.

PTSD is a filing problem – basically. Where most brains are able to process and appropriate file away a traumatic memory, for whatever reason – a particular memory or file gets left out and never gets filed away (processed). It’s kept front and center for easy access essentially rewiring the brain.

When triggered, (a smell, a place, a feeling, a person, etc.), the inner-most part of the brain (the amygdala – stay with me) sounds off like a fire alarm. When that fire alarm goes off, the rest of your brain diverts all power/energy to that alarm center. So, once the fire alarm goes off, you’re incapable of “thinking” your way out of a situation. Instead, you’ll instinctively react in the way that’s most likely to “save you” whether it’s fight, flight, or freeze.

When PTSD rewires the brain, that fire alarm (which is useful, which is necessary) is now super super sensitive. It’s like placing a fire alarm over your toaster. You’re going to get a lot of false alarms. So, in real life we might take the battery out of the alarm, move the alarm or move the toaster. But with PTSD, because the brain can’t figure out where to file that memory, you’re kind of stuck with these constant false alarms. So most or at least a lot of energy goes into avoiding setting off that fire alarm.

This creates a near-constant hyper-vigilance that is exhausting. Utter, soul-draining, bone-weary exhaustion. To the point where you can’t think clearly – you struggle to order your thoughts or prioritize things correctly. It’s debilitating and can very thoroughly undermine your self-confidence. Every small task or outing gets weighed against the emotional and physical and mental toll it could exact. And let me tell you, this foggy thinking makes life seem pretty hopeless pretty fast.

And while only the most severe cases have persistent flashbacks, that hyper-vigilance and exhaustion is pretty common. The mental fog caused by the hyper-vigilance or a trigger is common. The frustration and internalized shame of not being able to sort your thoughts, or trust your own thinking is intense.

Give your character a coping mechanism

Most people learn coping mechanisms to manage the symptoms of PTSD simply to function, but those mechanisms wear out, their effectiveness wanes over time, our tolerance of them grows thin. If a trigger is the fire alarm, the coping mechanisms are essentially the broom being used the fan the fire alarm to prevent it from going off.

If that “broom” is the only way you can manage life at all, you’ll go to some pretty extreme lengths to prevent having it ripped from your hands. Now, that “broom” can be expressed in a wide variety or combination of ways: anger or violence, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, workaholism, eating disorders, becoming a hermit, suicidal, etc.

At the same time, someone with PTSD is going to cover up their pain at all costs. People stare. They avoid you. They whisper. And all of that gets internalized over time. They’ll be fine in a social situation until they aren’t and they react in (what might appear to be) an irrational or erratic way, but internally they’ll have clamped down and “soldiered up” as long as possible.

Show the consequences of how ineffective that bloody broom strategy is! Show what happens when the broom is taken away (alcohol, a person, a schedule, etc.).

Show don’t tell a PTSD Trigger

You want to show and not tell, right. The person struggling with these kinds of anxiety or PTSD is going to go to great lengths NOT to think about the original traumatic event. Who consciously relives traumatic events? Nobody.  

More likely, the traumatic memories are shoved to the very back of the mind and actively avoided, and numbed when avoidance isn’t possible. They’ll be ruled by emotions, and unless they dig down into the WHY of their strong emotion, the PTSD may go untreated for a very long time.

Instead, show the coping mechanisms (the broom) used to control the symptoms or turn their mind off (escapism, fantasy, porn, drugs, alcohol).

“For me there’s a predictable progression that happens that tips me off to that fire alarm detecting smoke. I feel it in my gut first, a clamping down, a tension, a tightness, and a feeling like I don’t want to be in that place. Then I start to blush, my face feels like it’s on fire. Then I start to tremble. I’ll look down and notice my hands trembling, but at times it won’t feel like I’m looking at my own hands at all. Then my last warning is profuse sweating – regardless of the environmental conditions.” - Lisa Hall-Wilson

When PTSD is triggered you’re at war with yourself quite literally. It will seem to come out of nowhere or can build up slowly to a crashing crescendo. A moment ago you were rationally able to recognize there wasn’t any danger, but then the switch is flipped and your body is absolutely convinced you’re in mortal danger.

Know what your character’s primal goal is when they’re triggered. Is it safety? Is it survival? Is it escaping? Have them seek that out at all costs.

They could have a mantra they recite to control their thoughts. They might have a safe person, someone they trust to watch their backs in new or upsetting situations. The slow removal of their dependence on their grounding techniques or coping mechanisms is a great way to show growth.

Those who know what their triggers are will actively avoid situations that might set them off. This is a potential for conflict – force them into a situation where they’re uncomfortable, where they feel threatened or unsafe. Spring it on them. Put them in new situations. 

“I wasn’t aware that exercise fatigue mimicked my PTSD symptoms, so I was triggered by a jerk at the gym and couldn’t feel it coming on because I was in the middle of a workout. The times when you’re triggered without warning are the worst. Being blindsided sets you back days, weeks, even months.”

A blindsided character could be an “all is lost” moment

Being blindsided by a trigger at any point. A situation that’s been fine a thousand other times can trigger you that one day because someone new is there, because you can’t get your usual seat by the door, because someone’s wearing the cologne that your attacker wore. This is a great device to save for a pivotal conflict.

It’s like a two-by-four to the head. Show their emotional wounds bleeding all over the floor and have them keep going anyway. Show them growing stronger, trusting people again against their instincts, forgiving themselves because they couldn’t get a hold of themselves again, etc. Let the whole process be messy, two steps forward and one step back. The stories that end in a pretty bow and leaves everyone “cured” simply aren’t authentic.

SOURCE: https://lisahallwilson.com/how-to-write-about-ptsd-in-deep-point-of-view/

[goneseriesanalysis]

Drake Merwin

I am soo sorry, this is super late but I got incredibly distracted with reading and forgot that literally anything else existed. Drake was a really hard character for me to analyse because his characterisation was just so disappointing to me - but luckily my intrinsic desire to have everyone hear my opinions prevailed, and so here it is. I hope you enjoy!!

Spoiler Warning: Major spoilers for Gone, Minor spoilers for the rest of the series and the monster trilogy 

Old Opinion: I had a sort of morbid obsession with Drake and thought he was a top-tier villain

New Opinion: So far Drake is tied with Astrid for most-changed opinion. His character has almost no-depth and could be placed in almost any story without changing a single thing about him - and it would make sense. I found myself desperately trying to make him more interesting than he is in an attempt to justify younger me’s obsession - but alas I was unsuccessful. He had a lot of potential, but instead he ended up as a copy-paste villain with no realistic motivations and no real intrigue. 

1.) DRAKE’S APPEARANCE:

Drake is, I think, the character who is best (as in most thoroughly) described in the first book. Not only do we get an idea of his actual appearance beyond the vaguest possible descriptions (sorry to Sam, Caine, Diana and every minor character) but we also get some idea as to the effect his appearance has on other people.  

In Chapter 14, when we are first introduced to the Coates kids, Drake is described as, “a smiling, playful, mean-eyed kid with shaggy, sandy-coloured hair.” I actually really like this description. Contrasting “smiling” and “playful” with “mean” really brilliantly sets Drake up to be a complex villain – the kind of villain we all love to hate, who cracks a joke while slitting your throat. It has the implication of a layered personality but sadly, this is not the villain we get. In fact his character in the first chapter compared to the character we get as the book continues is so drastically different that it almost seems like mg did a complete 180 on his character. An original description is supposed to give us some indication as to what a character is like – their personality and role in the story, and we know that mg can do this really well. (Sam’s non-descript description setting him up to be the underdog, Quinn’s mismatched attire hinting at his inability to fit in, Astrid’s colour scheme reflecting her innocence and religiosity), and so it seems particularly odd, not to mention disappointing, that Drake’s description gives us…nothing. No real indication as to who he is or his purpose other than to hint to him being an antagonist (which we already guessed from his affiliation with Caine.) I could go on and on about what a waste Drake’s character was, but I’ll save it for a later paragraph.

We will then skip ahead to Chapter 37 where both Howard and Lana describe a similarity between Drake and Pack Leader:

“The one time she had seen Drake Merwin. He had made her think of Pack Leader: strong, hyper alert, dangerous. Now, the lean physique looked gaunt, the shark’s grin was a tight grimace, his eyes were red-rimmed. His stare, once languidly menacing, was now intense, burning hot. He looked like someone who had been tortured beyond endurance.”

“The two of them, two of a kind, it seemed to Howard, stared holes into each other.”

This is a much better example of mg using descriptions to establish the purpose of a character. By drawing a comparison between these two, mg sets up Drake’s later role in the books, where he replaces Pack Leader as the gaiphage’s right-hand man. This almost leads me to believe that mg had decided very early on that Drake was going to desert Caine and this is possibly why he seems so out of place and underdeveloped as Caine’s underling in the first two books. Mg had already moved on from this side of his character…and it shows. Lana’s description of Drake also works as a basis for showing the reader how he has changed since losing his arm (before gaining his whip) and acts as an insight into his current mental state – which is important as we don’t get much introspection during Drake’s POV’s. But, I still have a few issues with this. First of all, his “lean physique”. Now this isn’t really a problem all by itself, but unless I have forgotten what 14 year olds looks like (which is a possibility though I doubt it) I don’t think that they should be muscly with minimal body fat. And Drake is not the only character he does this with. Quinn gets extremely muscly later on in the books (I’ll admit that there is a plausible reason behind this so this example isn’t terrible but it’s mentioned like every 5 sentences) and in Fear Caine is described as having wash-board abs. Why are we sexualising children?? Children should be pudgy and awkward and still growing into their bodies, not lean and muscly!! The attractive, damaged man who hates women for no reason at all is also a really really really common trope and tbh I’m just so bored of it. It’s not relatable (at least it shouldn’t be) and it’s just really unimaginative – although it does help us to understand Drake’s character as we’ve seen him before so many times in all types of media. My second issue with this description is the way it really really highlights how much of a waste of character Drake was. The potential of a high-school bully with a skewed world-view due to the death of his father and the later abuse of his mother at the hands of his replacement father figure trying hard to impress the charming “leader” with unimaginable power (that he so desperately wants) only to be undermined at every turn by a girl who teases him by pointing out his flaws and insecurities taking his anger out on everyone around him (especially women) as a way to cope with his childhood traumas then turning into a heartless monster who not only enjoys others pain but lives for it after being “tortured beyond endurance”, was astronomical. But we don’t get that. Instead we get a cheesy, one-dimensional cartoon villain. The change that his body and mind go through after his maiming should have been pivotal to his character, but that just doesn’t come across in the writing. :/ But more on this later.

And last but not least, the whip-hand, which is very important to Drake’s character. It turns his actual body into a weapon and his excitement over this is indicative of his sadistic nature. Again, I think this is an example of a wasted opportunity. I would have liked mg to have gone in to depth about how Drake’s body undergoing this change affected his psyche (and I’m not counting his one-off line in the monster trilogy). I think it could be argued that Drake’s “change” is a metaphor for him going through puberty. Him gaining the whip that ultimately turned him into his very own weapon shows his transition from a child [a little messed up but still just a kid] into a monster, someone who is capable of committing atrocities without a second thought. It would have been particularly interesting for Drake and Orc’s final battle to put some focus on the fact that they both suffer through monstrous physical changes that can be used to represent their shift from children to young adults but whereas one relishes in this, one is completely disgusted. The whip-hand is described as being an “impossible blood-red snake” and then that “It was stretched. Like it had been turned into dark, blood-red taffy. It wrapped twice around his body.” – Both of these occurring in Chapter 39. I don’t have much to comment about this – other than that I think red is great colour choice for Drake, thematically at least.

I know this point was mostly about what Drake could have been as opposed to an actual analysis of his appearance, but I’m just so tired of the attractive misogynistic villain that seems to appear in every single piece of media. His characterisation really bummed me out and put me into a slump so instead of analysing his appearance I decided to roast him instead. But, onto actual analysis now (I am going to further expand on some of the points I made here I promise).

2.) DRAKE’S PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER

I mentioned in the previous point that a lot of Drake’s characterisation seems like an afterthought at best and one of the things that made me think this, is the inconsistencies with his character and the most obvious example of this is the discrepancies with his birthday. In chapter 20, Diana says that his birthday is “April twelfth, just one minute after midnight.” But, in Chapter 33 we get the line “Sooner would be better,’ Drake drawled, ‘what with me having a month.” This is a really small nit-pick, I know, but it just really bugs me that mg overlooked something as simple as a birthday – especially when birthdays are such an important plot point in this book. But anyway, moving on. I promise this whole review isn’t going to be negative.

Backtracking now to Chapter 14. Drake’s character here seems to differ quite drastically from his later characterisation. He seems here to be an example of the laughably evil trope, he has a kind of dry sarcastic humour that is quite fun and seems to lighten the tone of the story a little bit. Rather than showing us the boringly disgusting misogynistic villain that Drake turns out to be, we instead see a funny, charismatic character who seems to prefer picking on those who already have power – as is seen here:

“Drake paused halfway, turned back, and spoke for the first time. In an amused voice he said, ‘Oh, um, Captain Orc? Have your people – the ones who aren’t injured- line up outside. We’ll work out your… um, duties.’                                  With a grin that was almost a snarl, Drake added a cheerful, ‘Later’.” – Chapter 33

Now I understand that the reason we don’t see the real Drake here is because Sam is obviously not yet aware of his true personality – my issue lies in the fact that based on just this small excerpt here, I expected so much more from his character. We get hints of his sadistic nature here, with him joking about Cookie’s horrific injury and clearly taking joy in exerting power over Orc, but it is evenly balanced by the fact that he’s kind of amusing and we don’t really like Orc at this point anyway. Can we see that something isn’t quite right with him?? Yes. But do we kind of like him anyway?? Well I did. At this point. I would have really loved it if mg had carried on this idea of Drake abusing those who already have power – him enjoying to take down bully after bully so he can be King bully, instead of him picking on people who he perceives as weak and vulnerable. Mg relying on misogyny as a motivator is just really disappointing to me because there is no depth to it, and it’s pretty lazy. He hates Diana because she is a woman and he sees women as beneath him?? Weak. Over-used. Dull. He hates Diana because she has  power over Caine in a way that he never can, which makes him feel insecure in himself and the fragile sense of stability and power that he has struggled to cultivate within his damaged psyche?? Yes pls. Not only would this have made Drake a much more engaging character, but it would also have made his desertion of Caine in hunger much more impactful. And while I think there are aspects of this within his character, which I will go into later, I wish there had been more of it. Again, I’m sorry that this has become more of a “what could have been” rather than an analysis but there really is just so little to analyse without just pointing out obvious facts and statements. There’s no spice here :/

Moving on now to Chapter 16, where we as an audience, as well as the characters within the book, begin to realise what Drake truly is – an unhinged madman. We are told by Sam that Drake has been abusing his power as Sheriff – which particularly stands out as, so far at least, Drake is the only member of Coates who has shown this kind of behaviour (Caine is actually a pretty sound leader until he loses his shit and attacks Sam). And this is the first major distinction that we get between Caine and Drake and their capacity as villains in the story. Caine is a bad person who will do bad things to achieve his goals, he is power-hungry and ambitious but he is not needlessly violent. Everything he does he (in his own mind) is able to justify as it helps him to achieve his vision. Drake, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to have an end goal. He is violent for the sake of being violent – he is a sadist who enjoys the suffering of other people as we see here, “Drake was more than a little scary. Kids who defied Drake or any of his so-called sheriff’s had been slapped, punched, pushed, knocked down or, in one case, dragged into a bathroom and given a swirlie. Fear of Drake was replacing fear of the unknown.” Now, we still don’t get to see the full extent of Drake’s madness here. Most of the crimes listed are pretty mundane bully things – they’re still wrong, but they aren’t life-threatening. He hasn’t bashed anyone’s head in with a baseball bat. While Caine is playing with politics, Drake seems unable to move past his role of high school bully. If he had played it right, the role of Sheriff would have been perfect for him. I mean, how many actual police officers get away with literal murder in the name of “upholding the law”?? But he is unable of seeing the bigger picture, unable to grow and fit the new world order as Caine does so naturally, and so, instead of properly taking on the role of Sheriff and building up his own authority in this way, he turns back to his tried and tested method – hurt them and they’ll fall in line.

I particularly enjoy this as I think it explains, a little bit more, why he hates Diana and Astrid so much. Now I know the bottom line is simply that he is a violent misogynist – but that doesn’t explain why he hates Diana and Astrid specifically. Is it because they’re both attractive women and he is unable to distinguish sex and violence in his head?? Partly yes, but then Taylor is also described as attractive (and most people find her annoying) and yet he doesn’t seem to hate her to this extent. I think the real reason he hates these two specifically, more than anyone else, is because he simply cannot understand them – and that scares him (although he is unwilling to admit it). Drake only knows how to gain power through violence – he sees this work at home, he used it on Holden, he used it to gain his reputation at Coates and, although he has the ability to gain authority in other ways, he continues to use this method even now in the FAYZ. Diana and Astrid cannot do this, they are not fit to fight, they are not able to use violence to assert their status – and yet they both have more power in the FAYZ than he does. They make him question his whole world view and, as he cannot or will not adapt to the new hierarchy of the FAYZ, he resorts to trying to destroy them, in order to return the world to what it was before. His hatred of others gaining power through (what he sees as) unconventional means is then further established with his dislike of actual powers and the people who have them:

“I’m sick of all this powers crap. You saw what we did to freaks at Coates?? Who do you think it was that took care of that?? All these kids with their stupid so-called powers. Starting fires and moving stuff around and reading your mind and all?? Who do you think it was grabbed them one by one in their sleep and beat them down and when they woke up their hands were setting in a block of cement??

[…]

That’s right. And I didn’t even have a gun then. It’s not about who’s got powers, morons. It’s about who’s not afraid. And who’s going to do what has to be done.”

We get told by Diana that it was Drake’s idea to cement the kids in the first place (and a bad one at that) and I really think that is all the evidence you need to see that Drake’s hatred and fear all stem from his complete inability to adapt. He is trapped in a cycle of abuse that started with his father, a police officer who teaches him how to shoot people (however unwillingly) and is then continued by his step-father (an actual abuser) rendering him incapable of recognising any kind of authority if it is not gained from violent means. And so of course he hates the powers – none of the kids gained their powers through suffering or through causing suffering. They didn’t earn their authority in any valid way, according to him. (This is also another reason why I think Drake was so ecstatic at gaining his whip-hand. He suffered for it and therefore, in his twisted mind, he earned it. It is physical proof of his supposed power over these kids.) It’s tragic really – but mg then goes on to make him so disgustingly unsympathetic that his story loses its meaning. I love mg’s writing but Drake’s character truly was butchered for shock value and plot convenience and it makes me so sad.

Ok back to Chapter 16. Here, not only do we hear about some of the things that Drake is capable of, but we see them as well. His beat-down of Orc is the first indicator we get that Drake is someone we should really be afraid of. Heads up, this is a long quote:

“Nobody move,’ Drake said.                                                                                    Orc pushed Edilio off and jumped to his feet. He started kicking Edilio, landing size-eleven Nike blows into Edilio’s defensive arms. Sam jumped in to help his friend, but Drake was quicker. He stepped behind Orc, grabbed him by the hair, yanked his head back, and smashed his elbow into Orc’s face. Blood poured from Orc’s nose, and he howled in rage. Drake hit him again and released Orc to fall to the concrete.                                                                                                ‘Which part of “nobody move” did you not understand, Orc?’ Drake demanded. Orc rose to his knees and went for Drake like a linebacker, Drake stepped aside, nimble as a matador. He stuck his hand out and said to Chaz, ‘Give me that.’    Chaz handed him the bat.                                                                                        Drake hit Orc in the ribs with a short, sharp forwards thrust of the bat. Then again in the kidneys and again in the side of the head. Each blow was measured, accurate, effective. Orc rolled over on to his back, helpless, exposed. Drake pushed the thick end of the bat against Orc’s throat.                                  ‘Dude. You really need to learn to listen when I talk.’                                              Then Drake laughed, stepped back, twirled the bat in the air, caught it and rested it on his shoulder. He grinned at Sam.”

“Sam had gone up against bullies before. But he’d never seen anything like Drake Merwin. Orc outweighed Drake by at least fifty pounds, but Drake had handled him like a little toy action figure.”

Orc has already been established as the top bully in Perdido beach – we’ve already seen that our main character is afraid of him – and for good reason. And so for Orc to be defeated so casually and so easily is shocking. It lets us know that the old world order has collapsed and old fears are fading away with it, with new, much more threatening adversaries taking their place. I actually think that this scene was exceptionally clever of mg. Drake is attacking someone who has already been set up as an antagonist, at the same time rescuing Edilio, who the reader has been conditioned to like. But, through context clues, we know that this is not a good thing. It sets up the villainous nature of the Coates kids, Orc’s redemption, Drake and Orc’s rivalry and Sam’s fear of Drake. And it feels natural, even after re-reading the book multiple times. It’s scenes like these that really remind me how great of a writer mg is.

Another thing I really wanted to talk about here IS Drake and Orc’s rivalry because, yet again, I think mg missed a huge opportunity with this. Drake and Orc are very similar before, and in the early days of the FAYZ. Both have abusive fathers (a step-father in Drake’s case but still), both enjoy asserting their power over people through violent means and both are put in positions of power that they are unable to fully take advantage of – Sheriff and Sheriff Deputy. And even as the books continue, similarities can still be found. They both suffer mutations that turn their bodies into grotesque weapons, dehumanising them and alienating them from their peers and That Scene in Plague tells us that Orc and Drake sometimes have similar “desires”. Their stories are constantly intertwined, with them being played off of each other from the start and Orc becoming Drake’s jailor later on (and in turn Drake sort of becoming his). Their differences come from their reactions to the horrific acts of violence they have committed – and of course why they do them. I’m going to make a whole separate post on this because it’s long enough to be a standalone, but my I just wish mg had played up both their similarities and differences more. It would have made Drake so much more interesting.

We also get more hints at his sadism in this scene. He is later unbothered that Betty has been hurt and it seems that the only reason he attacked Orc was because it gave him an opportunity to assert his dominance over him. All in all, this is one of my personal favourite scenes in the book as it establishes characters, themes and relationships very well. I just wish some of these had been developed further – but mg dropping certain aspects of the story does seem to be a common problem.

The final thing I wanted to talk about in regards to Drake’s personality and character is this line we get in Chapter 23, “It was small, just two bedrooms, very neat, very organised, the way Drake liked things.” This was another thing that irked me slightly. It’s such a small aspect of his characterisation but it reinforced the idea that drake is just another cookie-cutter villain with no real personality, nothing that makes him stand out in the sea of white male psychopaths with a hatred for women. His whole character could be replaced with any other misogynistic psychopath at no detriment to the story. My immediate though when reading this was that even the smallest aspects of his character can be seen in other, more developed villains – this line in particular is hugely reminiscent of Patrick Bateman. Nothing seems to be his own. No aspect of his character is even remotely unique. (I think this may also be why some young fans develop an obsession with him. His character is comfortable because we’ve seen it so many times before.) He is so entirely replaceable and replicable - only reason he isn’t completely forgettable is because you are constantly plagued by the horrific things he has done. Mg sacrificed depth and development for shock value and it’s so disappointing

3.) DRAKE’S PAST

Onto Drake’s life before the FAYZ. Not only does Drake receive some of the longest and most POV time in this book, he is also the character whose life before the FAYZ we learn the most about (with the possible exception of Sam). This is especially shocking to think about seen as Drake is arguably one of the most underdeveloped characters in the whole book, but anyway. There are two scenes I’m going to talk about here, both occurring in Chapter 23, with the first being his dad teaching him how to shoot. I apologise in advance for the long quote:

“His father had taught him how to shoot, using his service pistol. Drake still remembered the first time.

[…]

He remembered the way his father had taught him to grip the butt firmly but not too tight. To rest his right hand in the palm of his left and sight carefully, to turn his body sideways to present a smaller target if someone was shooting back. His father had had to yell because they were both wearing ear protection.                  ‘If you’re target shooting, you centre the front sight in the notch of the rear sights. Raise it till your sights are sitting right under your target. Let your breath out slowly and squeeze.’                                                                                          That first bang, the recoil, the way the gun jumped six inches, the smell of the powder – it was all as clear in Drake’s mind as any memory he had.                                                                                                                                                   […]

‘What if I’m not shooting if I’m not shooting at a target?’ He’d asked his father. ‘What if I’m shooting at a person?’                                                                          ‘Don’t shoot a person,’ his father had said. But then he relented, relieved no doubt to find something he could share with his disturbing son. ‘Different people will tell you different techniques. But if it’s me, say I’m doing a traffic stop and I think I see he citizen reaching for a weapon, and I’m thinking I may have to take a quick shot? I just point. Point like the barrel is a sixth finger. You point and if you have to fire, you shoot half the clip, bang, bang, bang, bang.’                    ‘Why do you shoot so many times?’                                                                    ‘Because if you have to shoot, you shoot to kill. Situation like that, you’re not aiming carefully for his head or his heart, you’re pointing at the centre of mass and you’re hoping you get a lucky shot., but if you don’t, if all you’re hitting is shoulder or belly, the sheer velocity of the rounds will knock him down.”

Ok so the first thing I want to analyse here, is how important this memory clearly is to Drake. He remembers it fondly, in immense detail and seems to call back on it when he needs to clear his head (notice how this memory is placed while Drake is trying to figure out what to do, not while he is doing it.) It seems that rather than just using this memory as a source of useful information, it is also a source of comfort to him. Now there are some things that I really wish mg had told us that would help to analyse this scene better, like: How old was Drake when this memory took place?? How old was Drake when his father died?? How did his father die?? But alas, we don’t know these things (at least not that I’m aware of, and not within this book) so I’m going to try and do the best I can with the information that we have. Now, in Light, Drake makes it seem like his step-fathers behaviour has been significant in forming his worldview – which makes sense, trauma does that. But he spends half of his time away at Coates, which says to me that for this behaviour to have had such a profound effect on him, his step-father must have been around for a while. Right?? I’m gonna take a guess at 3-4 years at the least. Give Drake’s mother about a year to meet and start dating this man after the passing of her husband – this means that Drake would have been around 9/10 at the latest when this scene took place. That’s pretty young. Like, this is a formative memory and from the way it’s written, it seems like this may be some of the only bonding that Drake and his father ever did together. No wonder Drake has such an unhealthy obsession with guns as is seen with these quotes:

“He started from Astrid’s house, which was already beginning to smoke. He worked his way methodically, a hunter, looking for any movement. Each time he spotted someone walking or running or biking, he would take a look at them through the rifle scope, line them up in the crosshairs.                                        He felt like God. All he had to do was squeeze the trigger.” – Chapter 23

“Drake kept all three guns loaded all the time. They were set out on the dining room table, a display, something to be gazed at lovingly.” – Chapter 23

“Drake could not leave the gun alone. He kept thumbing the safety on and off. He rolled down the window and aimed it at stop signs as they passed, but did not fire.” – Chapter 31

Drake shooting Sam and his gleeful reaction – Chapter 34

For him, guns are the ultimate symbol of power and authority. He was introduced to these weapons of incredible power at such a young age – of course he loves them. That being said, it seems that Drake has always been “disturbed” so I suppose we can’t fully blame his father and step-father for his mind-set – and I have to say I don’t really like this. Drake’s issue as a character is that he is completely de-humanised by all the horrific things he does. By having it seem like Drake was irredeemable from the off-set, it just adds to this idea and again removes any possible depth or character development. Imo it would have been much better to present Drake as becoming the way he is AFTER his father’s death. It would bring a sense of tragedy to his character – the way he uses his father’s advice to hunt down Astrid would seem less like a by-product of his sadism and more like a misguided attempt to feel connected to his deceased father.

However, flawed though it is, this scene does give us some insight as to why Drake is the way he is – through the characterisation of his father. Admittedly we don’t get much, but one line really stood out to me, “Because if you have to shoot, you shoot to kill.” Ummm..sir?? I don’t think that’s how police officers work. Isn’t your goal to incapacitate – not to just kill on sight?? The fact that he not only stands by this rule himself, but also gives this advice to his CHILD is disconcerting. Drake is not only receiving this harmful rhetoric from his father figure but also a police officer. Someone who is meant to uphold the law. I think this links back to my earlier point on how Drake only recognises authority if it is gained by violent means. While we get no indication that his real father was ever violent to Drake or his mother, he openly tells Drake that when he is upholding the law (in this hypothetical situation) he does it by using force. That is a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially a child who you already think is disturbed. This twisted-take on a father-son relationship nicely sets the precedent for Drake’s warped perceptions, I just wish it had been developed further. And this leads us nicely into the next scene – the shooting of Holden:

“He remembered with vivid, slow-motion detail the time he had shot Holden, the neighbour’s kid who liked to come over and annoy him. That had been a bullet to the thigh, with a low-level calibre gun, and still the kid had nearly died. That ‘accident’ had landed Drake at Coates.”

Again, first and foremost I just wish we had a little bit more information. It is not clear whether this situation occurred before or after his father’s death – which seems like a pretty important detail to me. Although, we don’t actually find out that Drake’s father is dead within this book, and this omission again makes me feel like mg adding that detail was little more than an after-thought. It feels like in Light he wanted to quickly try and make Drake more of a sympathetic character and so he added in an abusive step-dad to try and tone down or at least explain Drake’s violence and misogyny. It seems like Drake is a plot-point first and a character second and the lack of detail here really highlights that for me. What purpose did these scenes really have in the story?? They did very little to flesh out his character, they introduced no new themes or relationships. It seems like mg just wanted to let us know – “Hey! Drake knows how to use a gun. That’s gonna be important later.” That being said, there are a couple of other things I would like to quickly mention. Firstly, I think the fact that Drake did not aim to kill Holden, even though he could have, is meant to be indicative of his change between then and now. It’s done to tell us that Drake wasn’t always this bad – there was at one point some hope. For this to have the desired effect though, I really think mg should have waited until after Drake lost his arm to straight up try and murder Astrid and Little Pete. Like, you can’t tell us that Drake was a little messed up but still redeemable before his maiming and then go and have him try to kill a random girl and her five year old brother. Because that’s more than a little messed up (and that’s not even mentioning the cementing). And it also contrasts the idea that Drake has always been disturbed. An idea that was introduced to us not even a page ago!! The other thing I wanted to pick up on, which I actually quite liked, is the ambiguous “who liked to come over and annoy him.” Because this is Drake’s point of view – so “annoy” could mean anything. Was Holden actually just an annoying kid?? Was he just trying to be Drake’s friend?? Or was he actually a bully and Drake doesn’t want to admit it?? I guess we’ll never know.

4.) DRAK’ES MOTIVATIONS

For this point, I wanted to focus on three particular motivators: Caine, Diana and Astrid. These are the three people, I believe, who provide, either consciously or unconsciously, the motivation for his actions within the FAYZ. I’ll start first with Astrid and Diana, the two people who Drake hates the most. Throughout this book it is clear that Drake has no real goals – he has no desire to be in control like Caine, no desire to re-invent the world like Albert. All he wants is to cause pain, with his preferred targets being these two. And, as I’ve said before, I think this is partly because he hates the authority that they have within the FAYZ – which stems from manipulation and intelligence rather than violence.

In Chapter 20, Drake explains his hatred for Diana, “Drake had made the time to check out Diana’s psych file the day after the FAYZ came. But her file had been missing by then. In its place she had left Drake’s file lying open on the doc’s desk and drawn a little smiley face beside the word ‘sadist’.                                Drake had already hated her. But after that, hating Diana had become a full-time occupation.” What I take from this scene, is that Drake’s loathing stems from Diana’s ability to get under his skin, to make him feel inferior – to annoy him. (Perhaps Holden had a similar talent). I’m going to assume that his prior hatred of her can be boiled down to his misogyny and his disgust at Caine’s weakness for her, both of which have been explicitly stated in the text. His hatred after this though, comes from a pretty mundane incident. I mean all she did was get there quicker, and do exactly what he was going to do to her. And so I think this loathing is less about what she did and more about his own personal reaction to it. Diana was able to weaponise Drake’s own anger against him – to make him feel inferior and powerless. She challenges Drake’s fragile perception of authority and takes a diagnosis that he seems to not only be ok with, but is actually proud of, and makes him feel embarrassed. His whole perception of power is rooted in the idea that his ability to inflict pain on others with no guilt or remorse is what makes him better, it is what gives him his power. But she takes this idea and belittles him for it and so his initial reaction is to attack. This is an idea that is again seen with Astrid. Astrid intentionally tries to make Drake feel inferior by bringing up his biggest insecurity, Diana’s treatment of him “Doesn’t it bother you that Diana treats you like some wild animal she keeps on a leash?” And she does escape him – twice. Her and her autistic brother (and we already know how Drake feels about autistic people). She also proves herself to be more intelligent than him, in their little argument over the r-slur. Drake only gets violent after he realises that, in an intellectual sense, she has more power than him. It seems to be his defence mechanism just as much as his pleasure – and therefore Astrid and Diana’s power over him motivates him to use it.

Now onto Caine. Caine and Drake’s relationship is, for me, one of the most interesting aspects of Drake’s character and while I’ll only be mentioning it in its capacity as a motivator here, I have a whole post planed out for it. Drake seems to simultaneously hate Caine and admire him. He is constantly looking to impress him and the only time we ever see Drake think about betraying him in this book is when Caine gives his attention to Diana rather than Drake. And, because of this, I can kind of understand why people ship them (although I personally dislike the idea of Drake being gay). A lot of the time this motivation is completely unprompted by Caine himself, like in these quotes:

“Drake cursed and, again, for just a moment, felt the almost desperate fear of failing Caine. He wasn’t worried about what Caine would do to him – after all, Caine needed him – but he knew if he failed to carry out Caine’s orders, Diana would laugh.” – Chapter 23

“I got him’ Drake announced. ‘I got them all.’                                                    ‘Yes, you did,’ Caine said. ‘Good work, Drake.” – Chapter 34

In Chapter 23, it seems that both Drake’s need to impress Caine and his need to prove to himself that he is better than Diana are his main motivators for his extreme attack on Astrid. I think it’s important to note that he only planned on trying to catch her, until Caine told him to kill her. His sadistic nature is brought out in full because he needs to prove himself to Caine. But why does he?? If he is planning on taking over from Caine in the end, why does he have a “desperate fear of failing Caine”?? Sure, part of it is his desire to prove himself to be better than Diana. But even this has roots in his absolute need for Caine to take notice of him. Drake is drawn to Caine because of his power and authority over people. Caine seems to be the closest thing that Drake can get to an equal, someone who shares the same motivations, ambitions and worldview (of course Caine and Drake do not share these things, but Drake doesn’t realise this…yet.) He seeks validation from Caine because he wants to have these things in common with someone – yet another motivation for his hatred of Diana as she constantly gets in the way of this.

We also know that Caine is, at least, partly aware of his effect on Drake. He is paranoid that Drake will turn on him (because Caine sees being equal to someone as relinquishing power) and he is able to manipulate Drake’s misguided feelings when he wants to – most notably in Chapter 36:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is such a clever moments as it sets up Drake’s whole character in Hunger, and it’s false. Because yes, Sam is the one who burned Drake’s arm and Drake has every right and reason to hate him. But it was Caine who abandoned him to save himself. And it was Caine who refused to let Drake die, even though he was begging for it (and let’s face it, he didn’t refuse to kill him out of any affection – it was a selfish decision.) But Drake is so desperate for that equal, for that validation that his worldview is correct and is shared by another person, that he just idk forgets?? He never brings up this conversation again and just accepts Caine’s word as gospel. I have so much more to say about their relationship but, as I said, I’ll save it for a later post.

5.) DRAKE’S MENTAL STATE

And finally, we have Drake’s mental state. Now I’m not going to try and give him an official diagnosis or anything, but I wanted to make a small point specifically about his mental state after his maiming. I think we can all agree that what Drake went through was pretty horrific, and while I personally struggle to feel any amount of sympathy for him due his own list of horrific crimes, the change he goes through after this is extremely significant, or at least it’s supposed to be. I think mg wants us to believe that Drake’s descent into madness was directly cause by the loss of his arm, and that before that he did have the chance to be redeemed. I think whether you buy into this depends on how forgiving you are, but I want to focus more on the actual proof of change that we see.

I’ve already talked about the physical changes he goes through, and the implications of this so I’m going to focus solely on his mental state during and partly after the whole ordeal. I think the first and most important thing to talk about is the fact that Drake didn’t actually want to survive:

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me.” – Chapter 36

He would rather die than lose his arm (his gun arm to be specific). Now, while I don’t doubt that the burning was indescribably painful, I’m still not sure that the majority of people would beg for death. Especially when an alternative (in this case losing his arm) is presented. Not to mention, he doesn’t actually talk about the pain when begging for his death – what he talks about is the loss of his arm. Of course it could be argued that the reason he didn’t want his arm to be cut off is because he knew it would mean more pain, but I don’t think that this is the case. Rather, I think that Drake is so scared of losing the power that he has, that he would genuinely rather die. This 14 year old boy is so messed up that his own death is preferable to the idea of no longer being able to hurt people. And so when he gets his power back, he doubles down. He has realised by this point what he truly wants, that he would rather die than be rendered powerless, so he begins committing more heinous acts (like attacking the prees). Pair this with the amount of pain that he went through, which most definitely will have had an effect on his already damaged brain, and you can see how a high-school bully became what he did. The groundwork for an interesting and though-provoking character was right here. I think yet again the problem with his character is the execution. Interesting aspects of his personality are dropped in favour of plot convenience and shock value and it cheapens his character as a whole until all the intended nuances are lost and over-shadowed.

I’m really sorry if this is a bit all over the place and not quite as polished as my other posts. I found Drake so difficult to write about and so my thoughts kept going haywire. Thank you so much for reading (and being patient with my brain). I hope you enjoy!!

[doctorgerth]

-rolls in- Pumpkin here!!! Cooler forever!!! For the Scenarios..with Croco-chan (surprise surprise) his not yet s/o confessing to him after ages of doting on him (courting if you will)buying him gifts etc.. If that's okay. Pumpkin away! -crashes through a window-

Anything for you, pumpkin! 🥰 Hope you like this!

A Gift from the Heart (Sir Crocodile)

Word Count: 1.8k

“Another present, sir.” 

Crocodile averted his eyes from the heaps of paperwork over to the dainty box that Daz placed casually on his desk. He didn’t dare look up to meet his subordinate’s eyes as he knew they would only stare back in subtle mischief. And Crocodile wasn’t in the mood for such trivial conversations. Daz got the hint, and exited the office as silently as he entered. 

Clearing his throat, Crocodile studied the small note attached to the elegant ribbon: For the best boss ever!

He smirked as he recognized your insignia instantly, though it would have been more surprising to have received a gift from anyone else at this point. Why did you insist on spoiling him so? Crocodile opened the box with a little more eagerness than he’d ever want anyone to see, and pulled out the gorgeous tie bar from the box. More specifically, a certain tie bar that he had happened to stare at for longer than normal when accompanying you on a shopping spree. You must have picked up on his interest; how thoughtful of you.

That thought made a sincere smile bloom on his face for just a moment, until it dropped into a disappointed frown. He knew it was an expensive gift and he didn’t deserve such a luxury from his own employee. Truthfully, he didn’t deserve any of the spoils you offered him. But of course that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy them.

“Crocodile, I have tea for you!” 

Amidst his thoughts, he failed to hear you knock before entering. Nor did he realize just how long he had been deep in thought. Nevertheless, you smiled brightly as you made your way into his office. He covered the box, placing it in his right-hand drawer. As you approached his desk, he cleared a spot among the piles of paper, smiling ever so lightly as he noticed the cookies on the tray.

You laid down the saucer and tea cup, placing two cookies on a napkin. “It’s getting late and you haven’t left your office all day. I figured I’d stop by to bring you some refreshments and help give yourself a mental break?” 

He instantly brought the cup to his lips, and your heart grew warm as he sighed contentedly, “I appreciate it, (Name). Thank you.”

“Not a problem at all.” You beamed as you sat down to take a sip of your own tea, praying to the heavens that your boss didn’t notice your shaky hand. 

Today was the day.

You had it all planned out. The two of you would enjoy tea time, then you would offer him an evening stroll to get some fresh air. You were prepared to beg and coax as needed, anything to get the two of you outside into the cool evening desert air. Then you’d lead him to the private oasis behind the casino, and confess your feelings for him. 

You even had a detailed plan for if the confession backfired. If he didn’t reciprocate, which your mind had convinced yourself to be very likely, you’d easily pack your things and relocate. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t already begun the packing process. It’d be hard to leave your friends and coworkers behind, but this needed to be done. You couldn’t hide your feelings for him forever, and this was an infatuation you were sure you would never get over, especially if you were constantly in close contact with him. Not to mention, you were already being teased enough about your shameless doting. You were in love with Crocodile and it was time he knew himself. 

Crocodile shivered ever so slightly, rubbing at his forearms that extended from the rolled up sleeves of his dress shirt which easily brought you out of your thoughts. Without hesitation, you leaped to retrieve his coat that hung on the coat rack at the corner of the room. You quickly appeared behind him, gently draping his coat around him, making sure to blanket him entirely. You didn’t think much of your actions, but to Crocodile, it was everything. 

Your hands smoothed out his coat along his shoulders and this time it was his turn to act without thinking. His large hand reached up to grasp yours, holding it gently between his fingers. It was the softest of touches and a warm heat coursed through your body at the intimate notion. He eyed up at you and you swore you could have melted into a puddle right then and there. 

“Thank you.” He muttered gently. Your eyes glistened as they stared down at him. “And thank you for the gift. The tie bar, it’s really lovely.” He squeezed your hand before releasing it and reaching down for another sip of tea. You were at a loss for words, your hand practically tingling all over as you shakily walked back to your chair. How did such innocent contact make you so weak? It was the first time Crocodile had physically thanked you for your doting - did this mean something? Your anxious brain already began to overthink the brief exchange, and suddenly, you were lost in thought once more.  

“Out with it.” He ordered and suddenly your heart began to beat loudly in your throat. No words would come out due to the massive lump you felt and failed to swallow. Am I about to say it here? 

“You’re deep in thought. Work complaint? Just say it and I’ll get it done.” He offered you a look of sincerity and an awkward giggle squeaked out of you. He was so off, it was almost hilarious. 

“N-no, it’s not that.” 

“Then what is it?” 

You couldn’t even form words and the wheels in your brain suddenly kicked into hyper speed; your long awaited confession forming on the tip of your tongue, but refusing to spill forth. Why won’t the words come out? I’m trying to tell you I love you, dammit! Stop staring at me like that! Can we please go for a walk? Oh god, it’s so stuffy in here, I’m about to lose my mind! 

He sighed, completely unaware of the utter chaos ensuing in your brain, “Fine, I’ll start the conversation. What are your intentions with these gifts?” 

The chaotic orchestra stopped, your brain nearly hollow and empty, and you were beginning to feel dizzy from the sudden change of pace, “I noticed you liked the tie bar and so I decided to get it for you. That’s all…”

“That’s all, hm?” 

“Well…” Here it comes.

“Well, I hope this isn’t a subtle request for a pay raise? I assumed I was paying you amply, especially since you’re able to buy such lavish things. Though I can’t help but wonder...why spend your money on me? Seems to defeat the purpose if you’re trying to get more money out of me.” 

You didn’t know what hurt worse, the fact that he was so oblivious to your feelings or the fact that he assumed people only gave him things in order to earn something in return. You’d never take advantage of him like that, and you had hoped he knew as much. Perhaps it was time to clear the air after all, no matter how nervous you felt.

So, overwhelmed and frustrated, you quickly rose to your feet, the passions of your heart spilling forth easier than you had ever expected, “No! That’s not it, that’s never been it. I do these things for you because I...because I love you, Crocodile! I want to care for you and give you everything you deserve in this world. I want to love you, and support you, and take care of you for the rest of my life!” 

His eyes widened and you forced the tears back, “I-If you’ll have me…”

He was quiet for far too long, his face unreadable aside from the genuine surprise twinkling in those dark eyes. Or perhaps it was amusement? You had half a mind to run out and follow through with the backup plan, figuring his silence was rejection enough. That was until he pulled out another cigar, taking his time in lighting it, and keeping his eyes on you, sternly holding you in place. You heart only continued to beat louder as he rose from his chair, dragging on the cigar and puffing out a large cloud of smoke. 

He turned to you, “All of that for the rest of your life, huh? That is quite a tempting offer…”

You swallowed hard. What did that mean?

He slowly made his way to you, towering over you, nearly flush against your chest, “I am your boss, you know. It’d be quite unprofessional and potentially dangerous if we decided to develop something romantic. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?” 

Was this a test? Did he not believe you or your intentions? You couldn’t decide if he was trying to intimidate you into sticking through or giving up. Either way, you were sure of your feelings, and you weren’t scared. You’d prove it.

“I’d do anything for you.” 

“Anything, huh?” He held his chin in thought for what felt like eternity, making you grow increasingly anxious by the minute. A part of you felt that he knew exactly what he was doing to you. ”Well, how about one more gift?” 

Your eyes widened, “What would that be?” 

A smug smile graced his face, and as he brought his flesh hand up, his index finger tapped twice along his cheek. Damn him, forever a tease. Your cheeks burned brightly and though you two were grown adults, you felt like a kid again, leaning nervously in for that first kiss. Yet, you rose onto your tippy toes as Crocodile bent down to meet you halfway. 

As your soft lips connected to his cheek, it took everything within Crocodile to maintain his composure. He was well aware of his feelings for you, and as hard as he tried to fight them, he simply couldn’t get over you. He had an inkling that you fancied him as well, but he didn’t want to push the boundaries just in case. Coaxing you into confessing was all part of the plan and you played your part beautifully.

As you settled down onto your feet, the atmosphere between the two of you transformed into something pleasant; a comfortable silence. He smiled at you, a genuine smile, a rare sight that you feasted your eyes upon for every second it lasted. You wanted to bask in this feeling forever, until Crocodile broke the silence, taking another drag on his cigar.

“I’ve got a new position in mind for you. Can’t say it comes with a pay raise, but, I think you’ll like what I have to offer you.” His eyes were playful and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oh, is that so?” 

He hummed, taking your hand in his, “But first, I think we need to go on a few dates, ahem, have a few meetings to seal the deal. Go over some ground rules and figure out where to go with this partnership. When are you available?”

You snaked your arms around his waist, pulling yourself into his chest and eyeing up mischievously at him, “Hmm, I believe I’m open right now.”

 “Excellent.” He smirked as he grabbed at your chin lovingly, “Join me for a stroll?” 

[crystalelemental]

And now, ranking the Fates characters by how good they are as parents.  I’ll just be ranking the canon parent, since generic supports annihilated cohesive characterization by making all the parent dialogues identical.

Also, I do need to address this.  Every parent in Fates is garbage.  They throw their kids into an interdimensional time portal and essentially don’t raise them at all.  So comparing them like this is basically comparing turds by how rank they are.  It doesn’t matter that some aren’t as awful as others, you’re still not gonna find one that smells good, you know?

Corrin - Honestly, she’s got a strong Camilla-esque vibe to her protectiveness toward Kana.  I like it.  Also Kana knows when Corrin is coming to visit, and seems to imply that this is a routine thing, making Corrin one of the few known parents who actually makes a point to visit her kit.  A-rank.

Azura - Once again, your decision to be cryptic for no reason causes nothing but problems for everyone involved, and your son, who you didn’t raise on your own, had his entire village annihilated by foes that went after him to get to you, but you never warned him or them about anything?  D-rank.

Jakob - While hyper-critical, he’s not entirely off the mark, in terms of what Dwyer needs to be doing.  He’s not a bad kid though, so it does come across as more harsh than he really needs to be to make a point, since Dwyer is ultimately self-sufficient and capable.  C-rank.

Silas - Actually a pretty good dad.  He’s one of the few that just actively admires his child coming out of their deeprealm to help others, is fully supportive of them staying with the group, and is supportive of Sophie in general. It is Silas, so he’s a little generic with his praises, but it’s still a better parenting approach than most of them. A-rank.

Kaze - And here to completely outdo Silas is Kaze.  Again, Midori seems to know when he’s coming, meaning like Corrin, his appearance is a routine thing in her life.  Not perfectly routine though, which creates a bit of conflict between the two, in which Kaze is able to express that he always did his best to be there for her, but kept her here to be safe.  Willing to admit mistakes, accepting of her decisions, clear care for his child despite the poor general decision of leaving your children unattended in deeprealms, but is willing to actually be a parent and reprimand them for their poor decisions, while still being compassionate in his approach.  S-rank.  Kaze’s a good dad.

Ryoma - Honestly, I love that Shiro actually calls him out about not raising him at all.  Also the unnecessary secrecy about who he is and not letting Shiro know his status, and then being irritated when Shiro grows up without any direction in life.  Honestly I’m coming around on Shiro, who has so far been right on the money about how shit a father Ryoma is.  D-rank.

Takumi - Honestly Takumi’s pretty solid?  The support has him being a bit of a dick because he’s jealous of his own kid’s ability, but in the paralogue proper he’s honestly a pretty solid dad?  Like he shows up unannounced so we know he’s taking time to actually meet with his kid, and is fairly protective of him.  He does give in to letting Kiragi come along for dumber reasons, but on the whole he’s solid.  A-rank.

Saizo - He’s kind of a dick?  This is very much how Saizo is, but his entire thing is like...the honor of the family name to the point he doesn’t seem to have any connection to his kid, just his bloodline.  He does eventually let his kid be himself, but only in that, when he demonstrates “his own brand of honor,” Saizo gives him that freedom, but by basically disowning him as next in the Saizo line.  Which is I guess what the kid wanted, but still, it’s kind that “Grant your freedom, but you’re not my son” type feel.  D-rank.

Kaden - He’s alright?  He doesn’t do much, but he at least makes plenty of time to go visit his daughter just for the sake of visiting.  Still, he’s so bad at raising his child that she doesn’t know what dead means, and thinks poachers are there to play.  So present, but perhaps too permissive and uninvolved in actually raising her.  C-rank.

Hinata - Apparently just fucking forgot to make time for his kid.  He’s loving in his own way, but clearly not putting his child as a top priority in a lot of cases.  Not the worst, but certainly not good.  C-rank.

Azama - F-rank.  I don’t really need to explain this, do I?  Fuck Azama.  Even Saizo realizes how much of a callous fuckhead he is toward his own kid.  SAIZO!  Also you somehow gave your daughter a separate world from yours, in the attempt to give her a life of peace, which she achieves and is happier without you, so you storm in only when she’s in active danger, then insist on dragging her out of this peaceful realm into the world of constant war...just because?  Fuck Azama.  F-rank forever.

Subaki - He’s a decent dad.  It does kind of imply that he’s been away for a while, so questionable how much time he’s actually spending with her.  And while he’s generally doting and kind toward his daughter, there is that weird ending bit where he gets nervous about her outperforming him.  I’ll give it a B-rank overall.

Hayato - Honestly, he’s wishy-washy.  Either you fully support your daughter’s mad science or you don’t.  You can’t half-ass this, acknowledging she loves the dark arts and permitting her to mess around with it, and then step in and insist it’s off limits when it turns out the dark arts also have some potentially evil consequences.  Stepping in when he does to take things away feels more like backpedaling on a decision he already made to let her do as she pleases, which was probably too permissive as it stands.  C-rank, which is honestly pretty good for a teen parent compared to some of these other shitheads.

Xander - Finally on the Nohrians.  Xander actually like...talks to his kid.  Siegbert knows what his role is, and even if Xander can’t visit as often as he’d like in person, he keeps in contact through missives.  Now, there is the issue of his stance being “You have to learn to shoulder some burdens alone,” and thinking his son refusing to contact him about these fucking swamp demons was commendable.  So he’s definitely not perfect on this front.  But he does acknowledge that this is the burden of a leader having to make such choices, is accepting and understanding of his son’s autonomy and decisions while still being firm about keeping him safe from war and sending him back should he prove himself unready.  A-rank overall, I think.

Leo - Okay listen.  While I do recognize that Leo comes around and starts trying to be a better father, and I recognize the importance of growth and improvement. But the fact that Leo has spent most of his son’s life avoiding him because he disapproves of his interest in feminine fashion is just inexcusable.  The time to step up as a parent and learn this shit was a long-ass time ago, man.  You’ve basically been out of your child’s life this entire time, shown up only to angrily disapprove of how he lives his life, and now want to walk back in and expect that trying to change means he should give you that chance?  Why?  There’s no reason for Forrest to be the one who has to acknowledge you’re changing and growing as a person.  If nothing else, at least Forrest completely tells him off, and when Leo makes his attempt at reconciliation, his first thought is that he’s excited to get to know Elise.  Get fucked, Leo.  At least you go to save your kid, and don’t seem to express that you’re willing to let him die.  But you did stall on going, so like...fuck you.  F-tier.

Benny - And now for the exact opposite.  Benny’s an absolute sweetheart, and it’s no surprise he’s the same with his son.  He seems to care greatly for his son, is proud of his actions, and while protective, is willing to support his son’s decision to become stronger and learn to defend others with courage, while also teaching him that he’s not as fearless as he seems.  Honestly, maybe it’s just the feeling coming off of Leo, but S-rank.  We don’t really know how often he visits Ignatius, but I’d like to believe it’s often.

Keaton - Nothing too exciting, nothing too bad.  An easy, uninteresting B-rank.

Arthur - Apparently he’s never visited.  And openly stated that because he thought his son was safe here, his job was done.  This is the most intense version of just literally not being there for your child at all.  Still, at least he gives a shit, so D-rank, but a low D.

Odin - I think he’s solid.  Honestly there’s nothing outstanding here, but I really like Odin as a person, so A-rank.

Laslow - Okay, so in the intro to her chapter, Laslow mentions that Soleil has a band for town watch, and that she should be in her Deeprealm but goes where she pleases.  Which implies he knows she’s in his world already.  So he’s already letting her do as she pleases.  He’s openly aware she’s bi (let’s be real, here) and is fully supportive (LEO).  He taught her some great mechanisms for coping with difficulties in her life, and helps her realize it’s okay to not be positive when it feels forced.  And when confronted with the reality that Soleil is way better than him at flirting with the ladies, instead of being an insecure prick about it, he’s like “Hell yeah, that’s my girl!”  S-rank, easy.

Niles - I hate Niles, but as far as parenting goes, he’s not the worst.  It’s not clear if he’s been to visit her much (sounds like a no), but he at least has clear care for her.  He does try to emphasize to her what kind of life he’s had and that he doesn’t want her to have to live like that too, so I do appreciate that angle for him.  B-rank.

And that’s everyone.  There are some decent parents in all this.   The only real failures are Leo and Azama.  I think Azama’s a bit worse based on not showing any inclination to change or any particular care about his child, while Leo at least learns something and grows from it.  Though Leo’s issues are such a problem for me.  I think Laslow’s the best, though Kaze and Benny were also really great.

Shame about the Baby Realm thing, though.  That whole idea was just so stupid...