#hyper focus

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

As an autistic person, I didn’t realise that ‘doing my best’, didn’t mean exhausting myself to the point I can’t move for a week...

Neurodivergent_lou

[pagan-stitches]

Feeding Birds to Connect to the Land—Instead of Checking Off a List

So I’ve alluded to my recently diagnosed (but have had forever) ADHD causing disorganization (a kind way of saying mess, a big fat MESS). But another sometimes problem, sometimes source of happiness, is hyper focus.

One of the first things I remember having this intense obsession with is birds. It lead to hours of enjoyment, but also frustration. My one visit to Cape May (a famous birding location on the Atlantic in New Jersey) was when my sister’s husband was stationed at McGuire AFB—all I really remember about it was that the weather was too bad to see much and a frantic, not fun race from place to place to place to find a new bird for my life list.

This was a birding Mecca—I couldn’t possibly leave without a new bird.

Yeah, I didn’t get a new bird, just a bored and frustrated family who lived across the country from me. Little did I know that they would soon move again and that I would only see them every couple of years and I would never really have a relationship with my niece and nephew after that. What a waste.

Like many things I hyper focus on, after a chunk of time I slowly lost interest. I went from taking the ornithology class at my local university for fun, obsessively dragging my husband to wild life sanctuaries while logging information every day, to logging onto ebird on those rare occasions when I wasn’t looking for new birds anymore, but one would accidentally fall into my lap.

Case in point—yesterday I saw a brown headed nuthatch, a not uncommon bird, but infrequent in my area. I felt that old excited tingle. A new bird. Must list. I spent 20 minutes trying to hack into my ebird account which was under an old email. When I finally got in, I realized I hadn’t logged in in 8 years, when I had speculated that the blue bunting I was recording had been blown off course in the storms the night before.

Over the years, I’ve developed a healthier relationship with my bird friends. Other than the once in nearly a decade urge to record a new bird, I do other things than list. I embroider amulet bags for feathers I find. Taking days to think about THAT bird, to study art and folklore about it—instead of racing to the next bird.

I feed the birds. An offering to them is an offering to the space in which I reside, an acknowledgment that I share this space with other living things.

One of my bird friends is the local great blue heron. I sat and watched this one for half an hour one day and as it preened itself, the downy little feather in the picture to the left, falling into the water and slowly drifting right to me. I designed the little amulet bag from a Chinese folk pattern of a crane.

Another bird friend is the wren, who if you explore the tags on my tumblr, you will see I’ve been working with for years. The one pictured above, nested in the hanging plant on the front porch for several years. I found the feathers in the other picture on our sidewalk and based the design on the amulet bag on the folktale of the wren catching a ride nearly to the sun on the eagle’s back.

The primal screams of our red shouldered hawk pair (who I’ve named Freya and Freyr), always make me stop and be present in the moment.

Once or twice a winter we spot a gaggle of turkeys wandering out of the pines to the side of our property, only to wander back into the woods after we’ve all run to the window, the dogs barking and my camera clicking to commemorate the rare sighting.

One of the feathers that is common in pictures of my altar is this turkey feather (striped to the right of the icicles).

One of the birds that I feel the strongest connection to, but have never actually seen, is the Chuck Will’s Widow, a night jar, who I know by its song—which I’ve come to see as a herald of Hexennacht, and early summer, as we begin to hear it mid to late April.

Here is a video I recorded of a Kupala/Midsummer ritual in 2022 with it calling in the background.

So, now that I’ve been diagnosed and am starting to be more aware of my behaviors and how they can lead to a sense of frustration and unhappiness, I know I will continue to feed the birds—but IF I decide to use my reactivated ebird account, it’ll only be to record 5 minute observations at the feeder once or twice a week, or to record when I saw that gaggle last week—NOT to reignite obsessive behaviors.

Edit: a funny side note—my husband @ofleafstructure still remembers family names of different bird groups and how they are related to each other from quizzing me over and over with the index cards I made during the ornithology class (at the time this obsessive nerd had the highest grade ever on the lab practical). Something about birds will come up in conversation and he’ll start relating bird facts and I’ll be like . . . ummm . . that sounds kinda familiar? 🤪

[raptor-claw]

currently suffering from a chronic case of having no one to rant abt spn to. i shall be bedridden for the foreseeable future as there is no known cure.

[twitchy-witchy-they-them]

yes i'm so normal about new media i dont become obsessed who even brought up obsession not me hey can i show you something real quick

[kimblestudies]

06.18.24

spent all day reviewing all of precal and calc, and i mean that.

i asked my mom for one of her vyvanse. i worked for a minimum 7 hours straight through. haven't properly hyperfocused in a whole, I felt like a well-oiled machine. I was lowkey having fun. math bender 💊.

studying to take my math placement exam some time this weekend. I really hope I'm allowed to take calc 3 this semester.

got to see the king of country music live so that was pretty try sick.

🎧if u think i'm pretty, Artemas

[dustbunnystudios]

Tumblr is interesting cause I can always tell when someone I follow is going through a hyper focus cause, currently, my dash is all Sam and Max and it's from one person.

[sarah-the-bird-nerd]

FYI, to my CoD and other fandom peeps... my hyper focus is currently The Pitt...

Updates are still coming but I am distracted by Robby and Abbot.

[pennaddict]

Current reason for fighting? Bad bitch uwu music that fuckin celebrates the violent cute feminine manic episode (i feel great even when im not thriving with these bops.) FEMTANYL BITCH.

Like my ass may be sobbing on the floor after a long day at work where my chronic pain incapacitated me or i’m calmly walking in beautiful scenery on a hike but this shit is what i’m playing. gawd it hits and like kinda helps channel the constant thoughts in the back of my mind that remind me of every problem ever into something productive and understood which is soooooo nice. 10/10 if your brain is already sort of loud.

[concretebloodcell]

One of the most confusing things as an autistic is actually knowing if you are really falling in love with them or if they are your new hyper focus

[feralratsounds]

Don’t mind me just hyper focusing on Digimon again.

[raptor-claw]

if anyone is thinking of watching supernatural WATCH IT PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!!

even just the first season is amazing, then mayhaps perchance you could send me an ask with your thoughts so i can get that serotonin boost pls perhaps maychance…

or if you just wanna talk abt spn you can send me an ask, warning tho i am on season six ep thirteen and have been having a war trying to consume as little spoilers as possible :’) (an impossible goal when you’re a fan of destiel)

also you will not see this post as a cleverly disguised way to get spn fans into my inbox for that sweet sweet notification hit nuh uh it’s not that all you don’t know what you’re talking about-

[luna12-ranma-akane-otp]

So, the silver lining to all the horrible and disastrous fear, stress, etc. about the current political climate and future of my country is that my brain likes to kick into creative escapism when there are external stressors. "Honestly Challenged" whipped out in days!

Finals in college? I wrote the first chapter "Of Loss, Life and Love" in the midst of them when I certainly did not have time to spare.

Painful and traumatic miscarriage? Lots more chapters churned out.

Pandemic? My WIP folder is overflowing, multiple stories in various draft forms, and multiple chapters/one-shot stories in "Kaleidoscope" and "Jusendo Interlude" created and published.

Anyway, this is just a heads up that I have another one-shot written. I'm awaiting my beta for feedback.

Yay for doom? ADHD hyper focus for the win!

[ihatehowmanyblogsihave]

I’ve been crocheting and unravelling for the last week because it wasn’t the right shape, right size, i didn’t have enough yarn so i sized down the project etc etc

Today I split the yarn lengthwise to get the smaller features right and it felt like a huge relief to get it ‘right’

So i stopped crocheting while I’m in a good position (no frustration because it’s going like i wanted it to) and then it hits me.

A massive headache, my back hurts, my hands hurt, my legs need stretching. Suddenly my teeth felt dirty..?

I forgot to drink water and it resulted in the headache. Everything else is from sitting in the same place.

I’m in bed, stretched out and drinking water. Last few nights have been frustrating because i couldn’t get this right. My days were overwhelming (different story).

But finally! Finally, I get the calm. I get the satisfaction of getting it right.

The Dopamine hit is real.

[conniejoan]

should i make public?

edit: there’s hardly anything in here so far either

[serpentandflame]

Pineapple and basil is how a Category 5 Autism Event smells like up in this house.

[not-aurii]

coming out of hyperfocus like i have never had a single thought

brain is empty

i know nothing

i remember nothing

i see nothing (cuz i was drawing on the tablet for 8 hours straight)