#i Do care that it's annoying. i live off of spite. i am going to spite my brain and take care of myself

[thekidsarentalright]

i rly need to stop not taking care of myself all day (aka not eating drinking water etc) and then feel like shit and be like taken aback that i feel like shit -_-

[occatorcreator]

Second Chances

Links - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

1 - Family Lost

Purple and his mother receive a grim diagnosis, and Purple struggles to find a cure to save his only living family member.

Content Warnings: Disease and Major Character Death

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Purple stared up at the clock that punctuated the silent waiting room with its ticking. 

10:15 am. His morning elective class was close to wrapping up. He distantly thought that he should care about what he’ll miss at school, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than the hammering of the clock and how long he waited for a response.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

He looked from the clock to the door, waiting for a nurse to come and summon him. Right now, he had been in the hospital for over two hours and there hadn’t been any updates on his mother’s current condition.

If I had slept in, Purple thought, tapping his foot with anxious energy in time with the clock, would she not have made it?

The thing was, he almost had. He had almost shut his blaring alarm off and gone back to sleep. He really hadn’t been in the mood to go to school this morning; he was sure there was a test in math, and he wasn’t ready for it. School was… well, it had become more unpleasant since the divorce. Despite it being a year since Navy left, thoughts of the divorce sent his mind into a negative tailspin. All those times Navy ragged on him to wake up “bright and early” every day for routine exercise, and all those times he got annoyed by Purple’s fussing made him resent the idea of getting up at all.

He debated sleeping in to spite Navy, but what was the point of that? Not like Navy would show up to witness the spite. All that would come of sleeping in would be the omelets mom prepared growing cold. She was the only parent he had left now; he couldn’t let her down by being a brat about school.

And now he faced the possibility of having no parents… he found his mother fallen to the kitchen floor, unconscious, with the omelets burning.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Every second not knowing if Orchid was alright or dead drove Purple mad. He had driven as quickly as he could to the hospital and made enough of a scene in the emergency room to get her wheeled in right away. The doctors had escorted him to a nearby waiting room after they took Orchid to treatment, offering reassurance and describing some procedure they’re doing.

Knowing that barely worked to calm him down. Purple was no longer actively panicking, but he was fretting. He hated sitting. It was the inability to do anything but wait, unsure what the response would be, unable to take his mind off of anything but his prayers that things will be alright.

Tick tock. Tick- creak.

The door grabbed Purple’s attention. He stood up preemptively, ready to meet the nurse, only to blanch back as a giant orange stick figure ducked his way through the door frame. Clutching at his massive hand was a golden child, about four or five years old. He looked nervously around the room, sticking close to the orange stick’s leg.

“Just have a seat, Mr. Tango,” the nurse said. “We’ll call you when they’re done.”

The stick figure nodded at the nurse with a sour expression.

“Will Second be okay?” the child asked the nurse.

“Your older sibling will be fixed up,” the nurse said, smiling softly. “It’s just a minor fracture.”

And what about my mother? Purple wanted to ask. Is she going to be okay? 

The question died on his tongue as Mr. Tango passed by him to take a seat. Purple instantly stepped back from the towering figure. By the time he and his child found a place to sit, the nurse had already left, shutting the door.

Great, still nothing, Purple thought, returning to his seat. He missed the prior solitude of the waiting room. With other stick figures around, he felt self conscious of his worrying. Not to mention, one of them was a small child. Purple wasn’t ready for the annoyance that would follow when that small child inevitably got bored and started wandering around, looking for things to do.

“Hello,” the child waved at Purple.

Purple took a deep breath, counted mentally to two, and looked at the child standing before him with what he hoped was a neutral expression.

“Hi,” he greeted half-heartedly.

The child tapped his hands together nervously, eyes looking down at Purple’s feet upon the less-than warm response. Somehow his sour mood didn’t send the kid crawling to his parent, which made Purple raise an eyebrow.

“What do you want?” Purple asked, baring his teeth in a false grin.

“Um, can I have that?” The child asked, pointing at the table filled with magazines.

Purple waved his hand dismissively. “I’m not using it, and you don’t need to ask. Just take it.”

The child brightened and grabbed a magazine. He retreated back to sit by his father, who’s cold gaze regarded Purple in a way that made Purple’s skin crawl. The giant’s gaze reminded him of Navy’s.

Specifically, the day Navy left. He could never forget that cold and guarded stare despite Orchid’s best attempts to shield them from him.

“I guess this is it, then,” Navy said, “I’m leaving.”

Don’t think about him, Purple mentally scolded, closing his eyes to refocus on the present.

With nothing else to get his mind off of the past and present situation, he watched as the child flipped through the magazine. It didn’t take long for the child to realize that magazines were mostly advertisements and boring articles he couldn’t read before he placed it to the side. He caught that Purple was looking at him, and Purple failed to look away in time.

“My sibby broke their thumb.”

Sibby? Purple didn’t know how to comment on that odd shorthand for sibling. 

“Ah…How did that happen?” It took Purple a full second before he found his voice. He got the feeling the kid was a bit of a chatterbox, how unfortunate. Purple had no desire to talk, but he felt like he couldn’t stay silent either.

Maybe this could get his mind off of things...

“My dad had a day off, took me and Second in the park,” the child said, “We did lots of fun stuff and it was really nice out. We were playing truth or dare, and I dared Second to punch a tree!”

He looked expectantly, waiting for Purple to supply a question. Yet when Purple only bothered with a raised eyebrow, Mr. Tango cleared his throat. 

“You two didn’t answer why you did that in the first place, Gold,” Mr. Tango said.

The child — Gold — looked down at his dangling legs, ashamed. “It’s cuz Sec’s as strong as you, dad.” Gold said, “I wanted to see if they could punch a hole in the tree.”

Punch a hole in a tree? Ridiculous. Purple scoffed.

“Still. Punching things without the proper technique can be dangerous,” Mr. Tango said. “I hope you two don’t do that again in the future.”

“We won’t, dad,” Gold said.

Again, Mr. Tango reminded Purple of Navy. That comment was a straight-out warning he said during sparring lessons. His father drilled in many basics on keeping yourself from breaking your arm while fighting. Having that reminder of his father again, combined with the ludicrousness of the child’s story, and the fact they were in the hospital over something so stupid made Purple surly. 

“Let me guess,” Purple said, “your sibling was dumb enough to tuck their thumb in their fist while punching?” 

That was harsh. Now both father and son were glaring at Purple. Purple could feel his heart hammering, desire to cower and apologize strong, but not strong enough to overcome anger brought on from constant fatigue and stress.

“Second’s not dumb!” Gold snapped. “They just didn’t know they needed to do that.”

Purple shrugged. “Sounds like the definition of dumb to me,” Purple said, “I mean tucking your thumb in is unnatural and uncomfortable, so why do that?”

“Not everyone comes into the world knowing everything there is to know,” Mr. Tango warned, “and I don’t care much for you insulting someone you hardly know.”

Mr. Tango said it with a threatening, low tone that made Purple reconsider and apologize for his meanness. 

Almost. He might have, had Gold kept his mouth shut.

“They managed to knock the tree down in one hit even when doing it wrong!” Gold bragged. “I bet you can’t do that!”

Inadvertently, Gold managed to hit a sore point for Purple. Orchid and Navy both were prolific fighters in their prime, strong and agile enough to break wood and cinder blocks with a well placed hit. Purple knew it could be done, but he was never strong enough, never fast enough to do it. All he got was painful bruising and a sprain so awful he gave up trying.

And given today, Purple’s fuse was short.

“You little liar,” Purple snapped, “no one can do that.”

“I’m not!” Gold balked, and he tugged on Mr. Tango’s arm. “Dad, you saw it too! Tell him! Second did punch a tree down!”

But there was a split second of hesitation in Mr. Tango’s gaze, that moment of doubt and skepticism. Before he had the chance to defend his son, Purple pounced.

“If your dad claims that, then he’s helping a liar,” Purple said, “I thought preschool taught you better than to make up stories for attention.”

“I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!” Gold yelled, and Purple saw that the child was so worked up that tears were forming in his eyes. “I’m not a liar!”

“What is your problem?” Mr. Tango snapped, standing up tall to get between Gold and Purple. He didn’t yell like Purple did, but clearly didn’t hide his anger. “You have no right to talk to my son like that.”

“Maybe if you didn’t want me to yell at your liar of a kid,” Purple snapped, standing back up, “then you should have parented better.”

“Excuse me?”

Purple stood up. He was a pipsqueak to the massive stick figure before him, his limbs shaking from fear and rage both. 

“I’m just saying, a kid who broke his wrist punching trees and one that makes up tall tales to strangers reflects poorly on you.” Purple said, “My parents wouldn’t hear me spouting such nonsense.”

“Where are they?” Mr. Tango asked, grinning without any joy. “I would like to talk with them about their parenting skills if they could raise someone who’d yell at children for little reason.”

To that Purple had no response.

Oh creator, what would mom think of me right now? Purple thought, visibly deflating and stared at the ground in shame.

Now the only sound there was the clocks ticking and Gold crying. Seeing no fight left in Purple, Mr. Tango sat down and started to console his child. Gold buried his head in his father’s chest, weeping and insisting he wasn’t a liar.

Creak

“Purple?” A nurse came in with a clipboard. 

“Yes?” Purple straightened himself up. “Is she ready?”

“She is,” the nurse nodded, his expression appearing grim despite his smile. “She wants to talk to you.”

Oh, good she’s awake, Purple thought, but still… the dread in his stomach grew. Why is the nurse looking at me like that if she’s awake?

“Okay. Take me to her.”

He followed the nurse out, ignoring the pressing glares of Mr. Tango and Gold following him out.

=

“Rapid aging syndrome?”

Purple sat by Orchid’s beside, holding her hand. Orchid was looking rather pale and frail, but she was alive. The doctors managed to stabilize her.

But only stabilize;  there was no cure for this condition.

“Yes,” Orchid said, “Explains a lot of things, like why I didn’t have the same stamina as your father even though we’re the same age.”

She said it with light airiness that nearly made Purple cry.

“But, this is a glitch in your programming, right?” Purple said, clearing his throat, “couldn’t they patch you?”

To that Orchid let out a shaky sigh and patted Purple’s hand. Purple noticed the faint tremor in her hands.

“They found out that they can’t,” Orchid said, plainly.

“Why not,” Purple asked, voice rising. “They’re doctors! Expert coders! They have to fix you! What sort of doctors would they be if they couldn’t?”

“It’s not that simple, honey,” Orchid hushed, “They discovered that my code’s corrupted. The fact they could stabilize me without losing my memories was a miracle in it of itself.”

“Surely, there’s a way around corruption,” Purple begged, “You mean to tell me they can’t stop you from just… aging to death?”

Orchid didn’t say anything at first. She looked up at the ceiling with an inscrutable expression. In that moment, Purple wondered how well she was taking the news that she was given a terrible death sentence, aging at an insanely rapid rate until she shriveled up to a husk. Looking at her now, all the marks Purple blamed on exhaustion or loss of appetite were the tell-tale signs of becoming an elder.

“The doctors gave me two choices,” Orchid said after a moment, “Either I would have 5 months left to live, or they would reset me.” She then turned to Purple. “And reset means full reset. My age, all of my memories… I would be as I was created, as my 18 year old self. I wouldn’t even recognize you as my son anymore. Even with that, I could still be… lost to a reset. There is no guarantee to save me.” Her expression turned pained. “You know which one I had to choose.”

“That’s so f-messed up,” Purple caught himself. But he wished he could swear. How could anyone sugarcoat that?

“The doctors will want to discuss care options in light of my condition,” Orchid said, “having nurses to care for me at home, or placing me in hospice care.”

“But we don’t have the money for a live-in nurse,” Purple pointed out quietly. 

Orchid hummed in agreement. “And I don’t want to be moved to hospice care if I can still stand and walk.” 

“I could care for you,” Purple offered. “Take off school for a bit-“

“I don’t want to place you in that position,” Orchid waved her hand, “and your education would suffer for it.“

“Mom, I’ll be blunt, my education has already suffered from… Navy leaving.” Purple couldn’t even say the divorce to her, “I won’t be able to focus on shoring up what’s left of my education knowing that your… that you're going to…”

He couldn’t say that either. He shan’t say it, or else he made it true. He didn’t want it to be true.

“Fair point…” Orchid muttered. She placed her hand on her chin and hummed. “There is always my creator,” Orchid paused, “I still have her email address, and I occasionally send her updates. We could stay with her for a while.”

“An actual human? With a desktop?” Purple asked. “Is it even possible for us to go there?”

Orchid nodded. “I’m certain something can be arranged once I reach out to my lawyer and get my affairs in order.”

“Don’t say that, mom,” Purple shook his head.

“I’m afraid we don’t have many options,” Orchid said, “Plus, it would be nice to take you to our childhood home.”

Our?  Purple thought, You mean, dad also grew up on that computer?

Purple wasn’t sure about going on a human’s computer with all the risks, but like Orchid said, it wasn’t like there was any better options they could take.

I’ll find something to save you from this fate, mom, he thought, I promise.

Purple kept this vow deep in his heart as the doctors returned.

=

Her name was Alana, and, despite his mom promising to take him to her childhood home, she clearly owned the latest Apple Macintosh. Alana was nice, nicer than what Purple expected of a human from his history class, and she welcomed Orchid and Purple upon their arrival through her email. They had to write out words on the email in order to communicate with her, but Purple learned he didn’t need to talk with Alana often. She was present for the first two days to ensure they settled on the desktop, before just disappearing and leaving them to their own devices for days on end.

Orchid explained most of the situation to Alana. She wasn’t fully candid about her diagnosis, but she shared that Purple was her and Navy’s son, and that they needed a place to stay in the meantime.

Alana asked only one question. “What happened to Navy?”

The awkward silence and body language from both Orchid and Purple told enough for Alana to discern something happened, but she didn’t feel the need to press.

Living on a desktop was a new experience, one Orchid was happy to guide Purple on.

“Ah, they updated so many things!” Orchid said in awe, “You’re getting a better experience than I did. The desktop is so lovely!”

She leaned down to press a button. It was the finder, and it opened up a series of apps. However, she let out a groan of pain as she struggled to stand back up.

“Careful!” Purple said, lifting her up, “you know you can’t move like you used to.”

Orchid looked forlornly at what she opened, rubbing her back. Stacks of icons stretched above her without any easy way to traverse them.

“Right. Climbing would be your strong suit, you have to do that a lot on a desktop,” she said, half muttering as the advice she gave came with a realization of her condition. That her body was too old to navigate something that she had done in her youth.

Purple had to watch her as that condition worsened overtime.

Not that Purple was idle during this time. He set to work making the desktop space more accommodating for an elder. He found Flash and constructed a crude house with the pencil tool. The linework wasn’t the neatest, but it was convenient, light enough for him to pick up the house and set it down, but sturdy enough that a punch wouldn’t knock it down.

He tried looking around for Orchid and Navy’s files. After all, if they were made, then that means there had to be backup copies somewhere around. Surely, Alana transferred their files to the new computer, there had to be something to counter the apparent corruption.

“Purple, please don’t be going into Alana’s files,” Orchid warned.

Purple nearly fell off the top of the directory, not expecting to hear her voice. It started to croak with age, a tremor of strain she didn’t use to have. She leaned on a crude cane Purple drew to help support herself. He hastily went down so she didn’t have to call him.

“I’m not doing anything shady,” Purple insisted, “I was hoping to find… something.”

Orchid gave him a look. A look he knew too well when she suspected Purple was up to one of his antics. He received that look a lot whenever the school called about his moments of less-than-stellar behavior. 

But as quickly as it appeared, it fell. “Look, I’m just warning you, if you poke around in her files and break it, she will be incredibly upset and hurt by that,” she chuckled lightly, “I’m speaking from experience here. Navy and I regretted how we clowned around back in the day.”

You? A trouble maker? Purple couldn’t help but smirk at the idea of Orchid, roughly around his age, causing trouble for her creator. But the smirk faded when that image contrasted the frail stick figure before him. 

“Why did Alana… make the both of you?” Purple asked.

Orchid blinked, not expecting the question. She fiddled with her cane, nails gently scraping against its side.

“I don’t know. Flash animation was new and there was a genre of animation that featured fighting stick figures beginning to form. I supposed Alana wanted to add a battle couple, but I couldn’t be certain.” 

Purple’s face curled at the thought. “Like she made you two to be a couple?”

“Not like that, she made us to be a team,” Orchid’s smile looked forlorn and she looked elsewhere, “the love came later.”

Purple shuffled awkwardly, knowing how that “love” ended for them all. “Why did you two leave the computer?”

“Stick City was new, and we both wanted to strike it on our own,” Orchid explained, “we wanted to be famous, and we didn’t feel like we could if we stayed on a desktop.” She let out a huff. “How funny that I ended up back here after all this time.”

“It’s not.”

“Well, Purple, I’d rather you not go poking around and getting into trouble.” Orchid placed her hand on Purple’s shoulder. “Come. I can show you some games on the Mac you can play in the meantime.”

“Games?”

“Yes, I know I can’t play the ones that are more active, but I don’t want that to stop you from experiencing the fun you can have on a desktop,” she said, “it’s way more immersive.”

Purple opened his mouth to argue something, before closing it and nodding.

I really can’t go against her wishes now, Purple thought, besides, there are healing items in games, maybe I can find something to fix her?

“What do you recommend I try, mom?” he asked.

Time moved too quickly for Purple’s liking. He did as much as he could in his investigation of the games on Alana’s computer. Some of the games were fun, but ultimately useless to his main goal. Others had healing items he had to buy from a vendor or could collect in chests. He gave these to Orchid, yet the most they did was ease her aching joints.

He found Minecraft through his investigation and it, too, had healing items that didn’t work. Yet, the game was fun, intriguing enough for even Orchid to join in on the fun. He found himself simply just building things with Orchid out of the simple blocks provided in creative mode. They began to build a foundation of a castle, but in time, only Purple was able to build the castle. When that happened, he abandoned construction to refocus his efforts in finding a cure.

Orchid was visibly getting older and weaker every passing day. She walked slower, leaned on her cane more often, and complained of pain in her bones. Vision and hearing were going, and Purple had to draw her glasses and hearing aides to help her.

Nothing was working. He tried experimenting with healing items he found: mixing it into her food, combining it with other mechanics, and even breaking into a game’s code to see if there was anything he could pull. All his efforts did was ease the burdens of aging. He could not cure nor save Orchid from her fate.

Eventually, Orchid became too weak to even leave her bed. Purple was torn between wanting to stay by her side and care for her or leaving to find something he possibly overlooked. He settled for spawning a villager from an egg to be her nurse while he stepped away. But walking away was difficult; he felt every hour he was away was the hour he came back to find her…

He came crawling back with nothing to show for it.

“Is there anything in your game that can stop this?” Purple asked the villager, one night after he returned. “To stop her from dying?”

The villager looked around, unsure if Purple was genuinely engaging with them or speaking out loud to himself. When Purple remained silent, the villager felt like they needed to respond.

 “I don’t know,” they admitted, “I haven’t heard of anything like that.”

“You do realize you don’t age, right?” Purple continued. “You and every video game character are just frozen, as you are. You don’t have to worry about growing old, leaving your kids and loved ones behind...”

“That’s not…” the villager trailed off when he met Purple’s cold stare. “It’s not that simple..”

“Seems pretty simple to me. You, a computer program, live on, while us stick figures, also computer programs, grow old and die. How unfair is that?” Purple muttered. “I ask again. Is there anything in this stupid game that can make her ageless like you?”

The villager shook his head and took a step back. Something was in Purple’s voice that deeply frightened the sniveling NPC. And for a moment, Purple thought of pulling out his sword and stabbing the villager for his unhelpfulness. 

After all they were only ageless, not immortal. Weak.

He walked away from the villager, but those horrid thoughts followed him. 

=

“What’s happening to Orchid?”

Alana logged on to find her desktop disheveled: a half finished castle from Minecraft, a crude house with a crude bed where Orchid lay in it. She must look so bad that even a human could see it on the screen.

Purple stayed by her side, unable to sleep, and stared blankly at the writing above him. He dared not grab the pen he used to write, he didn’t want to get up and leave his mother’s side.

It had been five months. Her time was almost up, and all his efforts to stop it amounted to nothing. 

The cursor moved down and Purple placed himself between it and his mother.

“Don’t!” he said, splaying his hand out. He knew Alana couldn’t hear, but he spoke anyway. “She’s very fragile.”

“Is that Alana?” Orchid croaked.

Her feeble, weak voice broke Purple’s heart to hear. Her glasses were off to the side, but she didn’t reach for them. 

“Yes, it’s her.” 

“Ah, I'm glad,” Orchid said, “I worried… I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye.”

“No, no mom, you don’t have to,” Purple said, clinging to her hands. “There- I’m still searching for a cure- I can-“

“Shh,” Orchid placed her hand on his cheek, stilling him. “No, Purple, honey. My time is up. And I don’t want to see you wasting your time searching for a cure that doesn’t exist.”

“But I can’t give up, not now,” Purple shook his head. Her face began to blur and hot tears streaked down his face. “I don’t want you to leave me. Stay here. Please.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” Orchid coughed, “I want to be with you… but I don’t want you to suffer for my sake.”

She wiped his tears with her shaking, wrinkled hands. A pointless endeavor, for Purple could not stop sobbing.

“I’m sorry, mom,” Purple choked, holding her hand.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Purple,” Orchid said. Her hand slackened to her side and eyes closed. “Promise me something, Purple?”

“What?” Purple leaned in. “What do you need me to do?”

There was a beat of silence, just the raspy rise and fall of her chest.

“Promise me that you'll…” Orchid whispered so faintly, every word laborious. “Promise me you’ll… take good care of yourself… that you’ll find someone-” She broke off into coughing.

“Hush, hush. Of course, of course I will.” Purple said and hugged Orchid. “I promise.”

Orchid didn’t return the hug, too weak to do so.

“I love you,” she wheezed.

Then, she let out a shuddering gasp and fell limp within his arms. 

“Mom?” Purple pried away, staring at her gaunt face, eyes closed. He saw that she was becoming translucent, fading away like a spirit.

 “Mom? Please…”

Then there was nothing, just him clinging to the blankets. All that Orchid was became nothing now. Not a trace of her was left, except her scent and his memories.

And with that he wept openly into the empty bed while Alana wordlessly hovered above.

[bottlesofrouge]

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part one.

word count: 6.9K

warning: their home lives kind of suck but that's it! (i think)

1 JUNE 2018

in the month of june, the sun rises around 5:25 am every morning in new york. sometimes it rises a few minutes earlier, and sometimes it rises a few minutes later, but lynn knew as soon as the first ray peaked its way through the blinds, her mother would be fully dressed, standing in the kitchen, and tapping her way through work emails that had mysteriously piled up overnight. growing up, lynn found this routine comforting because it never changed, weekends and holidays included. if she woke up and it was light outside, she knew her mom would be standing behind the breakfast bar with a stack of blueberry pancakes (made by her very wonderful au pair, elena) planted in front of her. she would sit on the stool across from her, and talk her mom's ear off. little lynn thought her mom's lack of responses was due to the fact that she was so tired from waking up so early every morning, but now-lynn realizes she just didn't really care that much.

her fingertips brush across the back of the stool sitting next to her, and it's almost like she can see a seven-year-old lynn sitting next to her. the slight glow of the numbers on the oven clock illuminating her features as she tells her mom about her chorus concert that was taking place in the evening. her grin widens as kathleen tells her she'll be there after she finishes work. although, elena will be the only familiar face she sees in the audience, and now-lynn knows it will always be like this. elena's familiar face amongst the crowd with her mother nowhere in sight.

the oven clock reads 5:13 am, and lynn decides to go over to the kitchen sink to splash some water on her face, trying to wash away any indication that might suggest she had not moved from the stool since she sat down nearly five hours prior. because that would be crazy, but also entirely true.

"you're up early," her mom's voice flows from the bottom of the staircase as soon as the first ray bounces off the granite kitchen counter, illuminating the room a bit more with its glow.

"i am," she reaches for the stool that she just got up from as her mom places a fresh cup of coffee in front of her.

kathleen says nothing else. instead, she reaches for her macbook that has been charging on the counter overnight, and lynn assumes she's immediately opening outlook. that's how it usually went the mornings after she'd spent the night. she'd stare at the wall for a few hours, trying not to let the sounds of her mother slamming the keys of the keyboard annoy her too much.

honestly, lynn didn't know what her mom did for work. she tried to explain it to her on a few occasions, but the only thing she understood was that it was extremely time-consuming. kathleen once said she was the only one in her office that had children, and she thought that maybe her mom should've followed in their footsteps.

"you'll be ready by 11, right? and you'll help me make sure the girls are ready?" kathleen says. she doesn't look at lynn until a few moments pass with no response. they make eye contact and her mom raises her brow. "the barbecue, lynn. remember?"

"right. i've got it. don't worry."

"your coffee's getting cold," her mom points out.

lynn tips the mug around before taking a sip. it's definitely cold, but she denies it and takes another sip before telling her mom she's wrong. there's really no reason to. it's only a cup of coffee, but she thinks she'll do just about anything to spite her.

her dad walks in and the entire atmosphere changes. he kisses kathleen's forehead and lynn can't help but cringe inside. it's absolutely sickening and she can't understand why her mom would ever take someone like him back. she had said lynn would understand when she was older, but it's been fifteen years and she still can't wrap her mind around it.

"good morning," he says as he pours himself a cup of coffee. "are the girls up?"

tuning out whatever her garbage father has to say is the only gift that lynn is thankful for. as soon as he opens his mouth, her ears magically turn off. it's something she'll be eternally grateful for because she thinks hearing peter's voice for more than four seconds would send her into a spiral.

growing up without a dad was a lot less horrific than some people may think. lynn didn't feel like she was missing out, and she didn't think her life was doomed to be a failure because of his absence. she honestly never thought much of her dad. that all changed when she was eleven though, and she walked in the door from school to see her parents moving all of her dad's belongings back into the same house he had moved out of eleven years prior (after having an affair with her first au pair before she had even turned one). needless to say, the sight of peter's face is enough to make now-lynn physically ill.

"are you going to be in such a sour mood all day, lynn?" she rolls her eyes at the words and makes no move to respond. it's silent once again, and the only sound that can be heard is kathleen's occasionally slurping.

it's nearing ten when her sisters finally wake up. jane is the first one down the steps. she's got the blanket she's had since she was born clenched in her fist as her other hand is holding the railing to make sure she doesn't tumble down the staircase. the little girl wordlessly makes her way to the kitchen, where she finds lynn making her blueberry pancakes covered in maple syrup.

"lynn," she yawns, fist rubbing her eyes. "you're back already?"

"m'only here for the barbecue mom insisted i go to."

"aw, man," the girl stabs a piece of her pancake and rests her head in her hand, a sigh pushing past her lips.

"i know. i miss you, too, jane." her fingers brush the other's hair away from her face as she eats. "i'll visit you a lot, and you know you and amelia are always invited over. all you have to do is ask."

jane only hums in response to her sister and puts all of her energy back to eating her pancakes. it's not long until amelia comes down the stairs. she looks almost as disheveled as their youngest sister. her hair is in a messy knot on top of her head, and she's still sporting last night's pajamas. lynn can't help but wonder where her mom went off to, and she feels a little queasy when amelia says she already knew lynn was visiting. simply because the kitchen smelled of food.

she makes sure jane's hair and teeth are brushed before finding her a little summer dress that screamed neighborhood barbecue, and then she braids amelia's hair away from her face before getting herself ready. there were only ten minutes before they had to leave, so lynn opts for a pink two-piece set she ordered from a random website online that probably specializes in drop shipping, and retouches her leftover makeup from yesterday before joining the two girls in the living room where they were watching some new disney movie that jane probably asked to be put on. it would be an understatement to say she was tired. her eyes felt heavy and she could barely hold her head up. she thinks that if she fell asleep now she could get out of this whole thing, but kathleen comes walking down the staircase, crushing her dreams of an afternoon nap.

"really lynn? that's what you're wearing?" and the girl should be upset at her mother's words. she really should, but after spending twenty-seven years hearing them, she's gotten used to them. "there's someone there i want you to meet."

lynn rolls her eyes as she walks to the foyer, "i'm not the next contestant on the bachelorette," she slips her shoe on. "and i'm definitely not dressing up for one of your friend's sons."

surprisingly, her mom drops it. lynn would be lying if she had said that she didn't find it the slightest bit alarming. her mom would've spent the entire two-minute-long drive trying to sell her on this mystery boy, but instead she reminds the girls that dance camp starts on monday... and then she asks lynn to take them.

when lynn gets out of the car, she can only focus on one thing, and that was how hot it was outside. it wasn't just a little uncomfortable. no, it was absolutely sweat-running-down-your-back roasting. she decides on pulling her hair up off of her neck which earns another comment from her mother. honestly, she tuned this one out, but she thinks she said something about lynn's masculine features becoming more prominent when her hair was tied back.

it's not long before kathleen starts introducing the girls to all of her friends. a woman asks if jane and amelia were her grandkids, and when her mom says no, she said that she couldn't believe how similar the girls looked to their nanny while nodding over at lynn.

there was honestly nothing she found more repulsing than this damn neighborhood barbecue. she hated it when she was seven, and she hates it now, twenty years later. it was hot and the air felt thick and humid. all she wanted was a nice long nap. she could picture it now. fresh, crisp, cool sheets and-

"lynn adams," kathleen's snapping her fingers in front of the girl's face, and it takes everything in her not to swat her mom's hand away. "don't be rude. this is my friend from yoga, marianne. she has a son-" and she doesn't know what else her mother says because as soon as the words leave her mouth, kathleen's voice sounds something similar to the bland tones of the parents in any charlie brown special, and before she knows it, marianne from yoga is hugging her and leading her towards a boy who looks like a young, unshowered, mick jagger cosplayer.

✮✮✮

harry's parents invited him over for lunch, and he really couldn't say no. he missed his mom's home-cooked meals, and honestly, he really never cooks actual meals for himself. he's found that cheap vodka and whatever mixer he could find in his cabinets worked as a great substitute. he'd never admit it, but he was excited to see his parents. sure, he lives only twenty minutes away, but he doesn't really ever have time to make a visit. failing all of his classes and frequenting the town's bar really took all of his energy.

when harry gets to his parents, he sees his sister's car in the driveway, and he thinks it's going to be a nice little family meal, something he hasn't had since he started going to college. but it's not. and really, he should've known better. no one wants to be around him.

when he stepped inside, his family and family friends were waiting for him in the living room. they sat in a circle and they all held folded pieces of paper in their hands. it took them a minute to realize that they were hosting their own intervention.

the entire event was so uncomfortable, and it made harry hate himself more than he already had. he knew he had a problem, and he also knew that he could stop whenever he wanted to. he did, in fact. he only started drinking again because he was craving validation. it doesn't really make sense to anyone but him, but he found it was easier to get someone to go home with him after he had been drinking. it gave him the confidence he needed, simple as that.

when his mom started reading her note, she was sobbing, and it made harry cry, too. it wasn't because what she was saying moved something deep inside of him. it was because he couldn't understand why they felt the need to embarrass him in front of so many people he wasn't really comfortable with. a phone call asking harry if he was okay would've worked just as well, but they never called unless it was to tell him just how disappointed they were in him.

so now he was at this stupid event for a neighborhood he hasn't lived in since he turned 18. his mom had asked him to come, and he felt like he couldn't say no. he was scared he'd push her into holding a second intervention, and honestly, he didn't think he'd be able to handle that.

it was hot and noisy, and there were kids everywhere. harry hated kids. they were gross and dirty, and they always found a way to piss him off. they were part of the reason that harry was so big on safe sex. he would literally have to change his name and move continents if he were to get anyone pregnant.

he's sitting at one of the picnic tables alone. his dad was lucky enough to skip the whole thing, and gemma claimed she was busy. his mom didn't mind though, and harry couldn't help but wonder why she was so adamant about him going. originally, he had thought that maybe she had wanted to spend some quality time with him, but nearly an hour had passed and marianne was still talking to her book club mom friends, not really showing interest in introducing them to her son. harry wasn't too surprised, though. his mom never really introduced him to her friends anymore.

marianne loves him. harry knows that. she only ever wants what's best for him, but she always goes about it the wrong way. maybe some kids needed an hour-long phone call lecture about how they'll never amount to anything if they don't finish their degrees. his sister was one of those kids. he remembers sitting at the kitchen table while his mom scolded her on the phone, and her dad did in person. john had driven the six hours to gemma's college town to bail her out of the county jail after a crazy night during her freshman year. needless to say, after that phone call, it never happened again. what his parents failed to realize was that harry wasn't gemma, and maybe he just needed someone to hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay.

he notices marianne moving away from her book club group and towards a family. there was an older couple, a girl that looked about his age, and two younger children. harry couldn't help but wonder what that family dynamic was. perhaps she was the girls' nanny, or maybe she was even a third in the parents' relationship. if it was the latter, it would definitely be a little harder to get her to sleep with him, but he always liked a good challenge.

"harry," his mom pulls him from his thoughts. he blinks and suddenly his mom and the nanny (slash possible unicorn) were standing in front of him at the other side of the table. "this is lynn, kathleen's daughter."

"who's kathleen?" he takes a drink from his cup (which held nothing but ice cubes and water) before wiping the wetness off of his mouth with the back of his hand.

marianne's face turns red, "kathleen from yoga." she says it slowly like it should ring a bell, but harry's not too familiar with the attendees of the 'Yoga Over 40' class. "kathleen and i thought you guys should talk. maybe get to know each other today," and before harry can open his mouth to say no thank you, marianne is pulling a chair out for the girl and then walks away.

"i'm lynn," she says like marianne didn't introduce her thirty seconds ago. she holds out her hand, but harry's already in a foul mood and he senses lynn (he thinks that is a terrible name) would be an easy target to humiliate.

so instead of shaking her hand like a decent human being, he looks at her over the top of his sunglasses and pops the spearmint gum he's been chewing since he got here. "not interested."

"don't flatter yourself," she rolls her eyes and leans forward, resting her forehead on the palms of her hands before crossing her arms in front of her.

"so you're telling me you weren't just begging my mom to introduce us?" his eyebrow quirks and he has a small smile forming on his lips. "'cause it looked an awful lot like that."

she smiles at him, white teeth and all, "trust me when i say i would rather act as a speed bump at the entrance of this neighborhood, waiting to be taken out of my misery by an unsuspecting hybrid toyota prius."

"weirdly specific," he takes another drink. "is that some sort of kink of yours?"

"maybe," her eyes bore into his. the look on her face is so bland, harry can't quite get a read on her. she looked the opposite of him. lynn had blonde hair and blue eyes. the only thing the two had in common was their curly hair, and so harry was obligated to think that it wasn't totally unattractive. "is yours watching mommy pick up girls at the neighborhood picnic for you?"

"ha. ha," harry's voice is emotionless. "tell me, lynn. have you ever considered going into comedy?"

"no, but i'm certain that everyone in the local comedy crowd would love my work. i'm thinking i could enter a piece titled 'desperate mom tries to pawn off loser son'. what do you think? i could credit you if you'd like." she smiles at him again, and he can tell by her eyes that her smile is fake. harry thinks if she were wearing sunglasses he might think she was trying to make a joke rather than a dig at him.

"kathleen thought we should talk," he reminds her. "i wouldn't be climbing on your high horse just yet."

the silence that followed hung around them like a cloud, and it was quite awkward. lynn didn't seem to mind though. she was off in her own world, daydreaming about god knows what. if harry were to take a guess, he'd bet that she was thinking of fairies and rainbows, or whatever else children under the age of eight think about during their free time.

"do you want to get out of here?" harry's popping the gum in his mouth again. "we could have sex. i will say you're not my usual type, but i can always appreciate a good body.

"gross," she leans back in her chair, her face showing disgust almost as if his words could contaminate her. "what's your usual type? wait let me guess," she taps her finger on her chin for a moment. "brown hair and pretty green eyes. i assume it's the closest thing you'll get to fulfilling the fantasy you have of fucking yourself."

"you think my eyes are pretty," he says, completely disregarding whatever else she said.

"i can appreciate nice eyes when i see them," she says. "don't fall in love with me yet."

lynn's wearing her hair pulled away from her face, and harry thinks it suits her. she has some sort of matching outfit on. it's shorts and a button-up top, made out of the same soft material. it's baby pink, like her lips, and she's dainty?? harry doesn't know if that's the right word, but she looks small and soft. like if she were in an arm wrestling competition with a fly, the fly would win. the tiniest smile, really it was barely a smile, makes its way to his face because... well, he thinks she's pretty.

"got something on my face?" she asks, and harry's waiting for a snide remark to follow, but she's serious. lynn has no idea that he just spent the last five minutes shamelessly checking her out. the fact that he was caught makes his cheeks burn a little, and harry shakes his head.

"you know, maybe we should get out of here after all," her fingertips brush over the back of his hand as she speaks.

"you want me to rock your world, huh blondie?"

she nods and sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. harry feels his whole body growing hot as she leans towards him again. "you wanna know what would really rock my world, harry?"

"hmm?" he hums, leaning forward to meet her in the middle of the table. honestly, this whole thing was wildly inappropriate for the high point hills annual family barbecue, but he didn't really care.

"you taking me back to yours," she leans even closer and harry can feel her words against his ear. "and letting me have the longest, most-mind blowing nap i've ever had."

"you're sick, lynn," he pulls away from her to see one of her fake smiles across her face. "but, i never leave a woman unsatisfied. let's go."

"really?"

"your prius wet dream sounds hotter with every second that passes here," he stretches his arms above his head when he stands up. "and not having to hear your voice is a huge plus."

"has anyone ever told you how charming you are, harry?" she accidentally bumps him with her hip as they walk towards his car together.

"your mom has multiple times actually. she tells me after every night we spend together," and he bumps her back, maybe a little too hard because she almost loses her balance when their hips collide.

12 JUNE 2018

throughout grade school, lynn could always count the number of friends she had on a singular hand at any given time. it wasn't that she was disliked or anything like that. she was just rather quiet and didn't feel the urge to talk to anyone unless she was being spoken to. her senior year friend group only took up four out of her five fingers, and it consisted of jacqueline, luke, silas, and violet. they met in their mathletes club at the beginning of her and silas's senior year. both luke and violet were juniors, and jackie was only a sophomore. the five of them parted ways, each going to a different college in various different states. luke ended up being the closest to her when she was in college, and even then he was four states away.

however, the distance didn't keep them apart. it was a tradition that they all met at least once a year, usually in their hometown. they would go out, maybe grab a drink, or go to the local bowling alley, but this year, jackie was in her final semester, taking the three condensed summer courses she needed to graduate when everyone was in town. having never skipped a year in nearly a decade, the five of them decided to have dinner on jackie's campus in between two of her night classes. that's how lynn found herself sitting around boxes and boxes of take out and drinking cheap wine out of hydroflask surrounded by her best friends.

"how's ren, silas?" jackie's voice pulls her back into the conversation. "i thought you'd bring them."

silas takes lynn's hydroflask from her hands, and swallows a huge gulp before clearing his throat. "i asked them to marry me," he hands the drink back to lynn. "and they said no. i guess they weren't really the marriage type."

"dude," luke shoves him. "why didn't you tell any of us?"

"it was something i needed to figure out on my own. i loved ren, you all know that, but i really want the whole thing. marriage, kids, all of it. in a way, i was the one who left them, but.. ren's engaged. i found out last night, and i don't really know how to feel about it."

"i'm sorry, si," lynn rests her head on her friend's shoulder. "you deserve better than that."

"when did you guys break up?" everyone turns to glare at violet, but silas offers her a smile.

"six months ago. i think it's a valid time frame, but we were together for four years so," he shrugs. "i don't want to think too far into it. as long as ren's happy.. that's what matters to me."

"why can't all men be like you?" jackie says. "when i broke up with chad, he stalked me for a week before sending me a $500 venmo request for wasting his time."

"his name's chad, jackie," luke laughs. "i'm not sure what you were expecting."

luke's eyes catch lynn's and he smiles at her so warmly she can't help but smile back. the two dated briefly when they were in college, keeping their romance strictly between them. but every time luke smiles at her like that, it reminds her of the many times she'd open her dorm door to find him sitting on her bed, grinning at her like... actually, there was really nothing to compare it to. she called it his sunshine smile because it was warm and bright, and it was all hers.

and then one day it wasn't. lynn remembers sitting at their yearly hangout, luke's new girlfriend glued to his side. clara yawned, he gave her that smile, and then took her home early. lynn wanted to rip that smile off his face and put it in her pocket to be hers to keep forever. and when luke showed up at her door the next morning asking if she was sure—if them not being together was really what she wanted. she said yes, and the dream of ever getting that sunshine smile back was crushed.

so now she settles for the close-lipped, warm smiles luke offers. she takes them in and tries so hard to lock them up in her memory. the way luke made her feel is something she never wants to forget, and she can't believe she threw it all away for some dick that lived across the hall.

sometimes when she can't sleep at night she thinks of luke's drunk phone call. he was a blubbering mess, but she managed to make out when he asked if lynn had cheated on him, and when lynn said 'no, but we should break up', he cried. she couldn't bring herself to hang up, so she sat there for nearly ten minutes listening to luke's heart break. she wonders if luke remembers that phone call, too.

his sunshine smiles are still reserved for clara (til death do them part), and the only other people he shares them with are their children, a toddler named thomas and a baby named ivy, and every time she sees them she can't help but wonder if they were supposed to be hers. it's not that she was still in love with luke or anything like that. she loved him in the most platonic way possible, but she deeply missed what they shared because it was good. he was good.

"earth to lynn," silas waving his hand in front of her face is what brings her back. "come back to us, darling."

"sorry, she sits up, no longer leaning on her friend. "i don't know where i went."

"are you still not sleeping?" violet's voice is so full of concern and it makes lynn's cold, grinch-like heart grow a few sizes.

"i sleep during the day," she stuffs a spoonful of the cake silas had brought. "it works. i'm okay."

"you know we love you," luke says. "you can always stay with clara and i."

"don't know if you'd want that. i'd probably steal ivy," she takes another bite. "god, she is one cute baby."

the group laughs, and lynn disappears in her own head for the next hour. she doesn't come back until jackie stands up, declaring she'll be late for her next lecture, and the rest of the group follows. luke leaves a few minutes later when clara sends a picture of ivy in her pajamas, and lynn thinks that she should never take him up on his offer because she would definitely make national news for kidnapping the girl. violet leaves with him because they parked next to each other, and she doesn't remember where that was exactly.

"thank you," silas says. "for not telling them about ren." lynn had known since the night of the doomed proposal. silas had called her from the comfort of his beaten-up honda civic and cried to her for hours.

she nodded, "of course. you asked me not to."

"yeah," he leans back on the blanket, and lynn follows him. the sun was just setting and she thought the sky was gorgeous. "i know." his voice breaks off, and she knows he's crying.

"silas?"

"hm?"

"did you know luke and i were together?"

"what?" he sits up, wide-eye staring at the girl.

"when?"

"a few years ago. when we were both in college."

"it was bad?"

"it was good," lynn says around a yawn. "so good, actually. sometimes i'm scared i won't have anything on that level again."

silas runs a hand through his hair, and furrows his brows. "what happened?"

"i left him for you know who," her hands grip his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "and silas, please don't tell anyone this, but i regretted it for so long."

"you don't anymore?"

"no," she shakes her head and her hands fall to her lap. "seeing him with his family, silas. he's so happy, and that's worth every second of pain i caused. that's why i'm telling you this. if ren is really happy, it'll be worth it. i promise. it'll all feel okay."

silas pulls lynn into his chest, and she can feel his tears wetting her hair. "im so grateful for you, el. so incredibly grateful for you."

"you know i feel the same about you."

when he pulls away, he's looking at her with misty eyes and saying he needs to go catch his flight. they say their goodbyes and lynn even lets a tear of her own fall because he was the person she felt the closest to out of the entire group. they were the same age, and there was something a little trauma bonding about going to college alone, hundreds of miles away from home.

lynn lays back on the blanket, everything from their dinner still left behind. she's overly tired and feels like the world would explode if she had to move another inch. a quick nap under the stars is calling her name. her eyelids are growing heavy, and-

"i could steal your purse right now," the voice startles her awake. "it's sitting so far away from you and you seem to have quite the chunk of cash hanging out."

she turns her head to see harry sitting next to her and groans. "don't you have like, i don't know, a mick jagger cosplay convention to go to."

"i'll take that as a compliment, lynn." he looks down at her. "i was just making sure you weren't dead."

"how thoughtful," she sits up and leans back on her arms. "you should've just left me for the vultures, though. being picked apart by them sounds much more appealing than having a nice little chitchat with you."

"always flattering yourself, aren't you, blondie?" he gives her a lopsided smile. "couldn't have anyone finding your dead body on my campus after i took you home with me a week ago. it's too suspicious. plus, my mom doesn't really have the time to be making #freeharry posters and organizing rallies."

"i, in ghost form, would learn to speak to children just so i could tell my sisters you're guilty."

"that's who you were with at the barbecue?" he leans back on his arms to match lynn. "your sisters?"

"yeah," her finger pulls the collar of her shirt away from her neck. "i'd prefer not to talk about them right now."

"okay," he drops his head to the side, and he looks at her. it was so unfair that such pretty were wasted on someone like him.

"what? you don't have a list of questions ready to rapid fire at me? that seems unlike you."

"of course i do," he says. "but you said you didn't want to talk about it." eyes now narrowed, he licks his lips before finishing. "and you don't know me, lynn. not at all."

harry was right, and it made her feel a little guilty. when he took her home with her, the two didn't speak at all once they got to the car. the ride was quiet and she rested her head against the cool window and let her eyes fall shut. he showed her the guest room, and that was that. she immediately fell asleep, and when she did finally wake up, it was around midnight. harry was already sleeping, but he left her a note (which said he would take her home in the morning) and a plate of whatever he made for dinner (its important to note that harry made the entire meal free of the big 8 allergens) (because he didn't know if lynn had any food allergies). she ordered an uber instead, and miles drove her the whopping fifteen minutes to her parents' house in exchange for five stars and a three dollar tip.

"thank you," she offers him the slightest smile. really, it's so small harry would probably need a telescope to see the way the corners of her mouth were upturned. "for the other night."

"you're not the first girl to thank me for bringing them home," the words make lynn's eyes roll, and whatever guilt she felt in the very bottom of her stomach for judging harry is long gone. "im only pushing your buttons, blondie. lighten up," he nudges her with his shoulder and that is the tipping point for lynn.

"because women being sexualized by disgusting men is so funny, harry," she watches as his eyes grow wide. almost like he's shocked. like no one's ever told him differently.

"lynn, i didn't-"

she holds her hand up. "you should go."

and he does, not before giving her a pained look which only made her want to roll her eyes harder. lynn watches him leave and pretends not to notice the way his shoulders are slouched over more than they were the first time and the way he drags his feet like he's a thousand pounds heavier. her eyes focus back on the squirrel that's still running around the tree once he's out of sight. why were college campus squirrels always so large?

the next thing she knows, jackie is poking her side and pressing her palm against lynn's chest almost as if she was checking if her heart was still beating. a sigh falls from the girl's lips when she realizes that lynn is alive, and she can see a line in between the girls brows through her half closed eyelids. she notices jackie's chest heaving, almost like she was trying to steady her breathing. the heavy, hot ball of guilt finds it's way back into her stomach. she hates having her friends worry about her.

"sorry, jackie. i fell asleep," she yawns and reaches above her head to stretch out her back.

"are you okay, lynn?" jackie's staring at her with such intensity, she thinks this is probably what it feels like to be in an interrogation room after your life-long enemy mysteriously disappeared. "like genuinely, are you doing alright?"

"im tired," she offers her a big smile. "that's all. im fine."

jackie narrows her eyes and tilts her head skeptically, and lynn is doing her very best to not burst into tears because there's no reason for her to be crying. her friend's face softens, and she stands up, reaching her hand down to lynn.

"c'mon. let's clean up. you're staying the night at mine." lynn doesn't argue because she really does want to stay with her friend. it's been so long since she's slept at jackie's despite her only living an hour away from the girl's school. "and i usually take the bus, so you're driving."

lynn smiles at her as she helps pick up the dinner mess that the group had left, and she can't help but wonder how she was lucky eough to have such great friends. they've known each other for nearly a decade, and still care for each other the same way they did back in high school. she knows that if she were to tell jackie how she moved out months ago and still hasn't slept through the night at her own place, silas's flight would be missed and violet would drive the six hours back just to be with her.

deep down, lynn knows she can't sleep because of something a little bigger than an uncomfortable bed, but she chooses to ignore it because her therapist had said she was doing very well, or whatever that meant. it was like her doctor just marked her with a stamp, big red lettering reading 'HEALED' across her forehead, and that was supposed to make everything feel okay forever. her friends and family were so proud of this milestone, lynn didn't know if she would ever be able to tell them that maybe the big red stamp was wrong. and that was the thing, it didn't always feel wrong. only during those long sleepless nights and cloudy, rainy days.

she feels lied to, really. everyone said healing wasn't something that just happened overnight, and of course, she knew that. (who didn't know that?) they pushed this idea that lots of therapy and sometimes a few medications would help her get better. and that's the thing. she did feel better. with each hour spent on her therapist's couch came the slightest bit of feeling better.

what she didn't realize was that feeling better and feeling yourself again weren't mutually exclusive. she feels a thousand times better and yet she's never felt farther from who she used to be. honestly, that version of her might be dead, and that is something she never wants to face.

"i've lost you again, lynn," jackie's leaning over the center console to rest her head on her friend's shoulder. "that brain of yours must be pretty nice for you to be spending so much time in there."

"i just got the biggest feeling of deja vu," lynn brushes off her worries as she parks in the designated parking spot. "this is new, right? i haven't visited you here before?"

the two girls meet at the front of the car, lynn helping the other with her huge course textbooks that probably cost more than her rent.

"don't think so. luke and clara brought the babies to visit once, but i don't remember if you were there."

lynn shakes her head. it wasn't that she avoided luke and clara, but she tried to spend minimal time around them.

jackie lives on the fourth floor of her complex. each staircase has approximately thirty-two (she counted) stairs, and by the time they get to the top, lynn is completely out of breath. she leans on the wall outside of the girl's apartment door as she fumbles through her tote bag full of god knows what.

"i was in such a rush this morning," she gives her a sympathetic smile. "i just tossed my keys in here."

lynn holds back a groan as jackie piles whatever else she's holding on top of the stack of books in her hands and then kneels on the ground, dumping out the contents of her bag as she searches for her keys that look to be nowhere in sight. she hears an elevator ding and lynn wants to do nothing more than roughly shove her friend over with her foot because why did they walk all the way up ninety-six stairs when there was a perfectly functioning elevator mere feet away?

"why didn't we take the elevator, ja-"

the most obscene kissing sounds fall out of the elevator as soon as the door opens. it sounds like someone is slowly pulling one hundred suction cups painfully slow off of the walls in there and lynn wonders if it's some kind of swingers group because there's no way two people could be kissing that aggressively.

"found them," jackie stands up, brushes off her pants, and looks towards the elevator.

"m'neighbor... has someone over every night."

she's proven wrong when a girl walks out, her arms draped around a boy's neck. he's kissing her and walking her back so she's pressed against the wall, and lynn can't look away. not even when the two turn, and she realizes its harry. not even when harry's eyes catch her stare. and not even when the girl starts sucking on any exposed skin her mouth could reach (harry was still looking at lynn) (and she was still looking at him) (and his lips looked nearly bruised) (not that it matters).

jackie steps between them, and by the time she grabs all of her things, harry and the girl are in his apartment. she can't help the small laugh that escapes when she realizes the girl had brown hair and pretty green eyes.

✰✰✰✰

a/n: all of this is getting reposted because the format is driving me absolutely craaaazy :(

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Okay so a thing that has bothered me ever since I first watched Chat Blanc was Bunnyx and the general time travel stuff because tghis makes no sense. In the Chat Blanc time line, after Chat Blanc destroyes the universe, everyone is dead. Including adult!Alix aka Bunnyx. So the Bunnyx fron the Chat Blanc timeline doesn'rt exist anymore, meaning that the Bunnyx fron the episode is from a parallel timeline where Chat Blanc didn't destroy the universe. That however raises the question why she would even care about that other timeline. Is her quest to assure victory over Monarch in every single timeline because that sounds exhausting as hell. I also don't understand the deal with her leg disappearing while she witnesses the fight between LB and CB, it has no reason to, because LB defeating CB doesn't have any effect on Bunnyx because, as stated earlier, the Bunnyx from that timeline is already dead! And honestly, the fact that Lb even had to fight CB makes no sense. They could've just went back in time 2 minutes so LB can erase her name from the letter (or just be quicker so Adrien doesn't see her) and CB doesn't happen in the first place!

Like, genuine question, what was the point of the whole thing? I mean other than the concept is cool and the writers wanted to give LB trauma (which never really plays a significant part in the overall story anyway??)

Sorry for rambling so much, I don't know if this makes any sense, the episode was really confusing to me and idk if it's just because the episode actually doesn't make sense or because I just don't understand it bc time travel is really confusing. Would really love to hear your opinion!

You're fine and you're not missing a thing. The episode simply doesn't make sense nor am I sure why it even exists. I know a lot of people love it, but I really don't get the hype. It runs off of nonsense logic and makes most of the characters look really bad.

Let's start with the lore.

The canon lore is that Bunnyx only travels through time, not universes, so it makes no freaking sense that an adult Bunnyx would be able to stop Chat Blanc since the existence of Chat Blanc should stop her from existing. It's a total paradox that goes against everything we'd been told about her powers. Of course, she's also supposed to be the hero of last resort, yet we hear about her hanging out with famous historical figures and the season five final sees her acting as a substitute for the horse miraculous even though the people she portals in don't do a thing to help with the final battle, so it's not like Chat Blanc is the only time her powers and role get ignored. Any time I use the rabbit, I have to completely rework its lore because canon is just so bad at time travel. I like Alix and her adult design is awesome, but any time Bunnyx shows up, I expect to be annoyed.

Also, I will never forgive her for just dumping Ladybug back in our time without so much as a word of encouragement or any reassurance that the Chat Blanc stuff was only a maybe. And Ladybug was the one to figure out how to fix time!!! Alix, you suck at your job! Or this is just another case of the writers refusing to let someone other than Marinette save the day even though the poor girl really needs a day off.

As for why this episode exists? I don't even know, dude. It makes no sense. Back when we thought it was going to be a driving force in the season four conflict - an assumption that was backed up by Marinette's nightmare in sentibubbler - the episode kinda made sense in spite of its flaws. But we're two seasons past Chat Blanc and the only person who is apparently traumatized by it is Adrien.

Yes, the writers actually said this. No, you didn't miss an episode where Adrien learned about Chat Blanc. They were talking about the nightmares from the final:

Mélanie says that he "could become Chat Blanc" and the others add that even though he does not remember and has never lived it, Chat Blanc still has an influence on his actions.

Yes, this is embarrassingly bad writing. The character who never saw or even heard of Chat Blanc is somehow the one who is traumatized and effected by it while Marinette's trauma has nothing do to with Chat Blanc or the events of the season four final. Instead, it's random BS that was never even hinted at until season five. I just... what?

In case it wasn't obvious - which I guess it isn't given that professional writers missed this - the logical way to write this to have the season four conflict be about Chat Blanc from Ladybug's side. After the conflict ends, she reveals everything to Chat Noir who becomes terrified of hurting people with his powers. This is only exacerbated by the events of Destruction. But then the show would have had to let Chat Noir have a character arc that didn't revolve around Ladynette and the series seems allergic to that as a concept, so instead Adrien gets magical trauma that keeps him from the final fight. And I thought the Derision retcon was bad!

Other issues with Chat Blanc in no particular order:

It cements Nathalie as just as bad a Gabriel since she's the one who tells him Adrien's secret identity and we then see her do nothing to try to protect Adrien.

It makes Gabriel irredeemable by showing him gleefully hurting his child. Dude punts his son across the city with a smile on his face!

It makes Adrien look slimy since he asks Marinette out without telling her that he knows her secret identity. This one is in a bit of a grey area for me because the secret identity stuff is complicated, but Adrien has never been the one who cared about secret identities AND he's the one who has been directly turned down in hero form. The episode takes none of that into consideration with its writing and it really needed to for Adrien to feel like he had a valid point of view here. As is, he's taking advantage of a situation and putting his Lady love at risk for his own wants.

The pillow sniff scene makes Marinette look unhinged.

It spits in the face of The Power of Love by having Adrien's love fail to be enough to stop him from killing Marinette.

Marinette's parents should have gotten involved after Gabriel threatened her. There is no way in hell that I'd let my kid go over to the Agreste mansion after that. If the writers were once again determined to not let Tom and Sabine parent, then the threat should have come when Marinette was alone.

Why did Ladybug even need to go to the future if Bunnyx could have just gone back in time and stopped Ladybug from leaving the present for Adrien? Why did Chat Blanc even need to be defeated? What did Ladybug's ladybug actually fix when she cast her charm?

This is minor, but it bothers me: Chat Noir should not have been smiling and happy when he was freed from his akuma. That boy should have been in the middle of a breakdown.

I know people forgive some of the above because Chat Blanc is sort of an AU and I'm not going to say that's wrong, I just can't look at it that way because there's nothing that sets Chat Blanc apart from the normal timeline. The Paris special gives us an AU. Chat Blanc (and Ephemeral) are what the writers told us would happen in the canon timeline if Gabriel ever discovered his son's secrets. Canon Gabriel was the one doing those things and would have done them again if given the chance. This is who the writers said he is. Same goes for all the other characters who come across less than stellar here.

There's a reason why I love a good Chat Blanc rewrite. It's an idea with a lot of potential, but canon capitalizes on almost none of it.

[stevie-petey]

Alright too much angst is going on here we need something sweet.

Steve is the kind of boyfriend to drop everything to tie bugs shoe if he sees it untied

Bug plays with Steve's hair to help him sleep. She also scratches his back. He'll lay between her legs with his head on her chest and just pass out. (And vice versa)

Steve has carried bug to bed after movie night and bug takes off his shoes and covers him with a blanket.

Steve loves how shy bug gets from the smallest act of intimacy or affection and would do anything to make her blush and see her giddy smile.

Bug has a habit of holding both of Steve's hands, she doesn't know why she just wants them both. Steve let's her with no complaints.

Steve has gotten used to bugs random spurt of energy at three in the morning and has answered all of her silly questions and listened to her ramble and anything and everything. He's started to look forward to them.

Steve has woken up in the dead of night because bug got out of bed. Yes he followed her wrapped up in a blanket pouting that he woke up alone.

Steve has put his head underneath bugs shirt to cuddle and she just lets it happen at this point.

Bug has tricked Steve into doing tests she heard about from her psych course, Steve still doesn't know.

Bug steals Steve's shirts, Steve steals her socks ( I hc bug to have cool nerdy socks because I do sue me)

Steve has learned bugs curly hair routine (let's be honest she has curly hair you can't deny it) and will often do her hair for her. Whether she wants it's straightened, curled, up, down, braids, doesn't matter he's learned and he'll do it.

Infact bug got injured and had to go to the hospital, Steve braided her hair so it wouldn't get tangled while she rested.

Steve gets sick easy, so every winter he's curled up in his or bug's bed begging to be babied and taken care of cause at the end of the day Steve's a baby girl and deserves princess treatment.

Steve gets jealous of Peter Parker, he has knocked over an action figure out of spite. He put it back don't worry.

Dustin third wheeling and turning movie nights into a sleepover. Dustin only did it to annoy Steve and bug but it's become a tradition. It makes everyone feel safe to be close together so they'll sleep in the living room together.

Bug falls in love with Steve more and more when she sees Dustin and Steve interact, and to see Steve be so nice to her brother and how much her brother loves Steve makes her heart melt.

Every time Steve sees a young couple with a baby he immediately imagines it's bug and him.

That also goes for any romantic movies the two watch. He sees bug everywhere.

Little do they know they both have a secret list of baby names that they've hidden away.

as the creator of bug and steve i approve this message ‼️‼️

(i will be stealing the two hands one. thats canon now and i will use it later on because its SO spot on)

(and steve 100% will later be like ok but if peter parker is ur dream boyfriend then what am i ? and bug goes ur my lover and he MELTS)

(and i love u anon u get bug and steve SO WELL)

[orowyrm]

not trying to be mean, genuine question… why Sigma and Ramattra? I don’t think they’ve interacted and I doubt Ramattra would tolerate a human for that long

short answer: i like them both a lot so i was like ‘what if they kissed lol’ and then got actually like emotionally invested after thinking about it for .05 seconds

actual answer: i think they’d just have a really interesting dynamic. it’s clear from a lot of mattras interactions in game that he doesn’t particularly want to or like or generally gravitate towards being ‘big bad evil mean and scary’ by default, it’s just something he does because he feels he must. i think he’d bounce nicely off someone like sig who is actively choosing to be kind to those around him, not out of ignorance or naïveté, not in spite of what he’s been through, but BECAUSE of what he’s been through. i’ve talked about how my personal hc is that sig was just a lot less personable and considerate before the incident, and that he spent a long time reflecting on that and wondering how it could have changed things if he was. i’ve always liked to interpret his character from an angle of “the man i used to be before what happened has long since ceased to exist, what i’ve been exposed through and experienced since has deeply and irreversibly changed me and it would be foolish to pretend otherwise. i’m coming to peace with what i am now, and have no interest in going back. i must press forward if i plan on getting anywhere” . i think ramattra would Get that. judging by the interaction sigma has with zen where they discuss the iris, i feel like they’d probably have a good deal more common ground than expected. lots to talk about. plus, we know mattra liked to count stars, and i can’t exactly imagine a better person to do that with.

i feel like reducing ramattra’s character entirely to ‘i hate every single human all the time forever >:( i’m mean and hate fun and don’t care about anyone’ is kinda…. idk. probably not that deep but it annoys the living hell out of me that’s for sure

[countrymusiclover]

21 - The Ultimate Hunter

Part 22

Gemini Runaway

Tag list ask to be added @dragonixfrye @secretdreamlandmentality

Snuggling closer into the familiar warmth I fluttered my eyes opened smiling a sleepy grin seeing that Nik was sleeping right beside me since after we got home from the dance last night I was too afraid to not be near him. I shifted around as carefully as possible so I was holding myself up by my elbow on the pillow just watching him. “Staring is rude, little siphon.”

“I can’t help it. You look so peaceful when you’re sleeping.” I smiled, bending my head away, blushing lightly.

He sat upright on the bed holding a hand to the side of my face leaning forward pressing his lips against mine. “So the plan is to pack up everything in the house and then we purchase some plane tickets and off to New Orleans we go.”

“It must be so easy to just snap your fingers and go anywhere in the world. How did I ever manage without you?” I joked rolling my eyes playfully.

He put his hands behind his head, smirking at me. “Very boringly that’s how, love.”

“You are so mean sometimes.” I hit his chest smiling until he vamped me onto my back throwing my hair around holding my hands above my head. “Uh you always take the cheater's way.”

He smiled leaning down kissing me slowly with me feeling him intertwining our hands together when he dropped my wrists. “What can I say, Raelyn, except that bad boys have more fun.” Moving my arms around his neck my fingers tangled in his hair instantly the second he kissed me hearing the bedroom door get thrown opened by someone.

Rebekah frantically said, causing me to separate from the hybrid. “Alaric Saltzman just tried to kill me.”

Klaus pointed out not really believing a word she was saying to us. “Alaric Saltzman is supposed to be dead.”

“He said he wasn’t going to turn. So who the hell gave him human blood?” I asked Nik pushing him off me throwing my legs off the side of the bed.

Rebekah threw her hands away from her sides, still frazzled by whatever had happened. “

Well, he's not. And he's vampire thanks to mother's spell with a white oak stake that can't kill him. He is strong, Nik. Too strong.”

Klaus asked getting up from the bed pulling his boots on for the day. “Where is he now?”;

“He's stuck at the school without a daylight ring, but as soon as night falls he'll come after us. We need to leave now.” She warned him looking at me with such a terrified face.

Klaus replied back shrugging on a black jacket over his shirt. “Fine. I'll collect Elena. We'll be on our way. Raelyn and I will have a plane to catch before tomorrow afternoon.”

“Forget Elena! You don't need anymore stupid hybrids.” Bex shouted at her brother. “Don’t you understand that our lives and Raelyn’s life are in serious danger!”

He told her in an annoyed tone. “What I need is protection from Esther's continued assault against us. As for my girlfriend, she is now linked to me so that’s why I am not worried about the history teacher right now. We will have Elena before sunset and be as far away from here as possible.”

“We'll protect each other, like we always have. Always and forever, Nik.” She attempted to convince him.

He replied back refusing to abandon his plan. “I'm not leaving without her.”

“I'm leaving now. You can either walk out that door with me or you are on your own.” He looks at Bex but says nothing. “Fine. Trust your hybrids over your family. Let your spite be the death of you, see if I care.”

Crossing my arms over my chest I sent him a raised brow. “Are you sure we shouldn’t stay and help take him down. If your mother really turned him into a vampire hunter like your father then he will hunt us down wherever we go.”

“Rae, you don’t have to worry about that. I am immortal and can’t be killed. My father Mikael didn’t kill me and neither will the history teacher. Plus I have you and I’ve seen you do some pretty badass spells that I thought would kill you. Together there is nothing we can’t do.” He bent down on a knee placing a hand on my knee meeting my gaze seeing that I was trying to remain brave but in reality I was terrified.

He rose to his feet about to leave until I grabbed his wrist holding him there. “If you’re thinking of breaking into the Gilbert house. Just know that I am not helping you break in. You should just leave the poor girl alone. But I understand the need for protection.”

Damon looks out of the window and sees Klaus pacing with the newspaper in his hand but he focuses his attention onto me just standing behind him not doing anything. “Klaus wants in. We have to keep him out. And his freaking girlfriend isn’t doing a dang thing to stop him.”

Klaus throws the newspaper through the window. The glass shatters into pieces.Damon ducks down, as well as Stefan and Bonnie. “Get down!”

“Missed me.” Damon challenged him taking the picket that got stuck in the wall behind him and hurls it back at Klaus.

Yet Klaus dodges it and he breaks the second picket into two pieces and throws one of it at him. “Missed me again.”

“Nik, are you insane. You can’t burn the house down with her inside.” I shouted at him seeing that he had managed to come back with a propane tank and a burning newspaper.

Stefan comes up to the front door ordering him. “Put it out.”

Klaus threatened him before he put out the fire, throwing the objects into the grass yard. “Come outside and make me.”

Stefan steps outside. “Elena is not here. Alaric has her and Caroline. He's gonna kill them both unless you turn yourself over to him.”

Klaus glared at him intertwining my hand with his hearing my heart beating up quickly at the thought of dying. “Now I know you're not asking me to walk into a certain death.”

Stefan huffed in a frustrated tone. “I really wish we could. But unfortunately, if Alaric kills you there's a 1 in 4 chance that we die too.”

Leaning my back against one of the pillars of the porch I side eyed the boys listening to their plans to take down Alaric. “Okay. How about Damon sneaks in and distracts Alaric, while Stefan grabs Elena and carries her to safety.”

Damon asked, holding one of the fences post that he had thrown into the house over his shoulder. “Huh, that's a great idea. What's to stop me from getting killed instantly?”

Klaus smiled until I hit him in the back with my foot.” Nothing.”

“He’s Caroline’s sire in cad you’ve forgotten. So no letting Damon get killed do you understand me.” I glared at him walking up to my boyfriend. “No matter what we are not putting one of my friends in anymore danger.”

Damon teased the hybrid. “Looks like the siphon doesn’t have to make my point for me because we both know you’ve gone soft for her. “

“I can still skin you alive!” Klaus threatened him by shoving his fangs and wolf eyes to him.

Stefan enters the conversation before things get worse. “This isn't really helping too much.”

Bonnie walks out of the house. “I might have an idea. My mom used a desiccation spell on Michael that immobilized him for over 15 years. If I can get it, I might be able to use it on Alaric.”

Klaus tilted his head to the side at the witch. “If and might your words inspire such confidence.”

Bonnie stepped up to him not caring that he didn’t have faith in her. “I'll get it. But even with the spell, we need a lot of vampire muscle to take him down, including yours.”

“I can do an invisible spell that way Alaric won’t sense us instantly. Then you all can get the jump on him. I should be able to find Elena and get her out in time.” I clasped my hands together eyeing the hybrid standing beside me who just lightly smirked at me. Yet his eyes fell to the black veins that still remain on her arms.

Klaus came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and placing his chin on my shoulder. “Just so we're clear. The sun sets in about 8 hours. We don't succeed before then, Elena will be dead, I'll be gone with my girl Raelyn here and the rest of you will be left to fend for yourselves.”

Holding tightly onto Nik’s right hand we entered the high school where the Salvatore brothers could see that I was siphoning him by our intertwined hands but it wasn’t hurting the hybrid as much as they thought since he had willingly offered. Walking through the hallways I whispered to them. “Damon, Stefan, once you aren’t near me the spell will not work. So you’ll have to hide on your own - Caroline?”

Nik vamped away from me and grabs her from behind covering her mouth with his hand so that she can't scream. “Shhh. It's okay. It's okay. It's me. It's okay. You're safe. We'll save Elena. You go straight home, you stay inside. Do you understand?”

He turned her around to face him until I placed a hand on his shoulder undoing the invisible spell. “Hey Caroline. We’re here to get you and Elena out of here. But you have to go now. “

Klaus asked her, still holding her by her shoulders. “Do you understand me?”

Caroline nods, vamping away from us. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“You need to leave, Rae.” Nik turned to face me looking around to make sure that Alaric wasn’t around somewhere near us. “It’s not safe here for you.”

I baked instantly back to the hybrid. “I’m not going anywhere without you, together forever right. So if you are walking into an almost certain death then I will too. Besides you know I can kick some supernatural ass just like you can.”

“Raelyn, “ He started but cut himself short. “Fine, you’re right, we stick together always. And we will make it out of this together.”

He vamped us as close as we could get hearing Damon shout vamping behind Ric trying to hold him down. “Do it now!” Alaric throws Damon off of him and snaps Stefan's neck, dropping him to the ground. Damon tries to attack Alaric, but he breaks Damon's neck, too.

Klaus appears and thrusts his hand into Alaric's heart making him scream in a loud tone until the pair vamped around the hallway in a fight and Ric managed to knock him down onto the ground being the stronger creature. Alaric stands above him and tries to stake him. “Alaric No! I love - I can’t lose him!”

Elena was holding a Knife to her throat when the three of us turn our heads in her direction . “Stop! Let him go or I'll kill myself.

Alaric told her. “Put it down, Elena.”

“I said don’t hurt him.” I raised my hand sending pain through the teachers mind where he vamped away from him my boyfriend for a moment slamming me against the locker where I was sure he would break my neck but he was back over Klaus in an instant.

Elena declared not lowering the blade allowing me the chance to get to my feet even with barely any strength remaining in me. “Why, because you still need me alive? There's a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn't there? She didn't want you to be immortal, so she tied your life to a human one. Mine. That way you have only one life span to kill all vampires and then you'll be gone. So when I die, you die too. That's it. It has to be!”

Alaric thought she was bluffing. “You're wrong.”

“Am I?” Elena begins to cut herself where blood runs down her throat.

But he changed his mind in the next second giving Nik the opportunity to push him and knock the stake away from him. “Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!” Nik managed to grab Elena and I latched my hand onto his forearm vamping away with them.

Once we reached the house I winced stumbling against the doorway in one of the rooms that he was draining Elena of her blood in. “Woah, love. What's the matter. Tell me what's wrong?" Klaus vamped beside me gently holding my arm seeing that my nose was beginning to bleed a little too.

"I think it's my magic. But I don't understand. I thought this wasn't supposed to happen because of our link now." I wiped the blood away with my other arm.

Klaus vamped me to sit down beside Elena coming back with a glass of water in his hand but also offering his wrist. "Which do you want, love. Normal way or blood way?"

"Blood." I croaked out knowing that whatever was wrong it would heal me faster. He bites into his left wrist holding it out to me where I wrapped my fingers around it pushing through the bitter taste until I was starting to feel better.

He brushed hair behind my ear leaving the room for a moment. "There you go, Rae."

"Why are you with someone like him, Raelyn. You’re a snarky girl but nothing like him." Whipping my head around I eyed the girl he was draining of blood. Did I feel bad for her, yes. But at least she has people who care about her.

Getting up from the chair I stood in front of her. "You don't know anything about who he really is, Elena. Just like you don't know anything about me."

"Raelyn, please help me…Tyler." She begged before I saw the werewolf behind me.

Noticing something in his hands, it was a needle filled with some sort of liquid. "What the hell is that, hybrid Lockwood?" I asked, backing into a corner not sure what he was about to do.

"Sorry siphon but we can’t take the chance you'll stop us." He said vamp shoving me against the wall about to poke me in the throat.

Klaus grabs Tyler by the throat when he vamped back into the room and pushes him against a wall. "Goodbye, Tyler." I dropped onto my knees thinking he was about to kill him when Klaus tries to rip Tyler's heart out of his chest, but Tyler twists his arm around. Damon and Stefan come into the room. Damon grabs Klaus's other arm and Stefan thrusts his hand into Klaus' chest.

"Nik - Argh!" I rose to my feet when he started screaming only to drop down on one knee clutching my heart inside my chest in agony beginning to cry heavy tears. Bending my head down I winced sharply seeing that he was starting to turn gray and get veins all over his body by what they were doing. Forcing myself to my feet I removed the linking ring raising my hands up until I grabbed a hold of Damon and Stefan's shoulders siphoning from them. "Magia tollux de terras-"

"Raelyn no!" Klaus shouted, fighting against their grip. He could see the veins turning really black again after she had removed the ring and wasn't siphoning or linked to his life force anymore meaning that her magic could certainly kill her now.

Fighting through tears I kept chanting the spell feeling both brothers grip starting to loosen. "Magia tollux de terras. Magia tollux de terras!"

"Grab her!" Stefan grunted so he and Tyler were the ones holding the hybrid.

Damon vamped forward pushing me against the wall holding me by my throat making me wince. "Damon,...please don't." I begged the raven haired vampire.

"We can't have you in the way." He picked up the needle sticking it into my throat, lowering my body to the floor where I began to hear my own heartbeat inside my chest.

Damon went over to Elena. Stefan and Tyler finally let go of Nik when his body wasn't moving so I raised my hands seeing my vision blur in front of me trying my best to remain awake. "Imperium fluctus malleus. Imperium fluctus malleus. Imperium fluctus malleus!" Everyone in the room suddenly dropped to the ground by the shock wave leaving the vampire brothers and hybrid to hold their heads with me chanting the spell over and over until I blacked out on the wooden floor.

Waking up a few hours later I frantically looked around snatching the ring, placing it on the ground doing a silent locator spell that transported me to a storage unit. Walking around the unit I heard someone following me where I spun around shoving the figure against the wall meeting Damon Salvatore. "Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you right now for what you did to him!"

"Agh…we're trying to save him!" He grunts trying to break free but I clenched my fist tightly more.

Someone vamped at us where I turned my head at the voice seeing Rebekah was back in town. "Because he told me his plans and I went home to find you. But you beat me to the punch, Rae."

"You're a bastard, Damon Salvatore. Now take me to him!" I growled, dropping my hand letting him catch his breath.

Damon, Rebekah and I are about to put the coffin in the trunk of a car but Alaric arrives, catches Rebekah by the hair. Punches her head against the car and then throws her on the floor "Urgh!" She grunted.

Damon rushes toward him but Alaric kicks him and is thrown on the floor too. Raising my hand I sent pain through the teachers head where he vamped in front of me. "You annoying witch. Right after I kill him I'm going to kill you!"

"Well see about that." Shoving my other hand against his chest I bared my teeth chanting a spell that I didn't remember being taught meaning that it must be one of Esther’s spells that I now have the ability to do when I siphoned her magic from her. "Tenebris anima vestra contundito mortem et conteret spiritum. Frange vitam nolite corde ut sub terra esse, ad tenebras usque in sempiterrnum."

Alaric grabbed his chest almost collapsing to the concrete floor where I thought he was about to die until he drew the white oak stake from behind his back hitting me upside the head with it where Alaric opened the coffin. “Ah! Klaus!”

Rebekah screams. “No!”

Damon shouted back at him too. “No! Don't!” She gets up and screams but Alaric drives the stake through Klaus' heart.

I forced myself to my feet. I gasped sharply, holding a hand over my heart feeling flames almost inside my chest. Gripping my hands into fists on the hard floor I groaned through tears and anger for what he just did. “Klaus! You just killed the man I love.”

Damon gets up and puts himself in front of Rebekah while she was screaming and crying. Damon is holding her but he's in shock. Klaus's body bursts into flames. Alaric looks at them, takes the stake from the burning body and then closes the coffin. He turns himself toward them. "Next."

Pushing myself to my feet I watched my vision beginning to blur and I was almost not able to stand on my feet. I charged forward, shoving my hand against Alaric’s heart chanting the spell again seeing that the veins grew at a faster rate glaring daggers into his eye. “Tenebris anima vestra contundito mortem et conteret spiritum. Frange vitam nolite corde ut sub terra esse, ad tenebras usque in sempiterrnum!”

“No, get off me!” Rebekah cried fighting against Damon watching me seeing that my whole arm was covered in veins but I didn’t pull away. “Raelyn no, he’ll kill you!”

Forcing my hand further against him I grunted feeling blood dripping from my nose until Alaric grabbed me by the throat holding me off the ground then launched me backwards into the pair. Damon grabbed my forearm helping me to stand while holding Bex back with his other. “Rebekah, run. Get Raelyn out of here now. Run!”

“I have to kill him!” I snarled but the blonde original wrapped her arms around me holding me back vamping me away with her.

She grunted in my ear where my whole body went numb in her arms and my heart slowed down. “I can’t let him kill you. Nik wouldn’t let me do that to you - Rae - Raelyn!”

[arowrath]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

[nerves-nebula]

You ever see a fan child design so bad it's like eating a raw lemon just looking at it, but the artist is just having fun so you shouldn't say anything. But you keep seeing that fan child on your dash and you're getting real tempted to create your own fan child design but the fandom is small and you're worried it would come across as passive aggression and you trying to start shit with the artist?

Anyways I have a scar in the space between my thumb and finger via stabbing myself by putting my hand in my pocket where I kept my knife. While hanging out with my friends. In school. Where I am not supposed to have a knife.

Bleed a lot. Taught me not to do that again.

uhhhh no? i generally unfollow & block people who post things that annoy me, that or I go "EH" and move on.

if its a small fandom and u care about making a fan child I'd say go for, it's a two-cakes situation for everyone involved. they dont have to know its cause you hate the other fan child and it probably wont come off as passive aggressive unless you vague about how much you dislike the other kid.

but if you only wanna do it out of spite and not because you give a shit about designing a fanchild i'd say just keep it to yourself and learn to live with this fanchild you hate.

or do whatever you want im not your parent. why you comin to me with this confession anyway i barely interact with people. i dont leave my house man.

anyway, i keep box cutters in my backpack at all times for art school reasons but that also unfortunately means i have 24/7 access to knives if i wanna cut myself most days sooo. yknow. its here and there.

[akindplace]

i really hope this doesn’t come off as offensive in any way, but just. how? how on earth do people deal with chronic pain? i’ve had pelvic pain intermittently since 2019 and no doctor can figure out a reason why, it got worse after i stopped taking my psych meds and even worse after the onset of my eating disorder. today has been especially bad now that i’m hospitalized for my ED. i think it’s stress related because it gets worse when i’m anxious but doesn’t everything? i’m just so lost. how are people with chronic pain not terrified 24/7 of the state of their bodies? how can they trust doctors who just look at them and shrug? how do they live? how do they find joy in life, especially after knowing what it’s like to not live with pain? i’m asking because i’m genuinely so lost and thought you might know. i’m not looking for a diagnosis or anything i’m just looking for the “how.”

I am responding in regards to the pain, since I don't have experience with eating disorders.

To be perfectly honest: I went through the same desperation, the same fear, the same grief, and I still do at times when the pain is most intense. I started recovery out of spite, to not let all the bad things "win". But it became later on more about me than proving anything to anyone. I am really hopeful and this blog helps me be positive. There are days the pain is so bad I just want to quit, because I desperately want it to stop, but I know that taking it out on myself is not going to help me. Taking it out on your body is not going to help it. You need to take your medication and you need to keep focusing on your treatment, but do it for yourself, do it for your own relief because you desperately want it and you deserve it. You are worthy of relief, simplesmente, give it to yourself if you can, listen to what your body needs.

I think what saved was hope. And human connections. Reaching out to people is hard. Walking away from the ones who are harmful is hard too. But it is worth it.

I'm not talking about self-love because it's not that easy, right? I'm talking about not taking it out on your body. I'm talking about being neutral. What works for me is thinking that I'm at just another human with very human needs, that I am not exception to other humans when it comes to meeting my needs, like resting, or self-care.

Please, take your medication, it will help you at least figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Remember that diagnosis are important, but they are guidelines. At the end of the day, you are in pain, and that is what you need to care for, and working on allowing yourself to do so is important. You need to figure out what works for the pain, what your needs are, and that is the most basic thing to focus on. Helping yourself, accommodating your needs, not depriving yourself of medication, taking care of your body. It is not easy, it is slow, it is annoying sometimes, it takes time, it takes learning how to allow yourself to have what you deserve and what you need, but you can do it because I believe that reaching out to anyone is already trying. You are trying so hard, please don't forget that. You are trying and that matters. At the end of the day, you want relief. And that's what matters most for you to get, so keep reaching out to people, to doctors, to therapists, to those who listen without being ableist. Keep trying, it is worth it. You are worth it.

Just please remember that you need to focus on other things as well as the disease. Find things that bring you joy, those little things heal you a little every day, and it builds up. It makes you hopeful( it makes you positive, it gives you reasons to keep going. Sometimes when we are sick, the pain is all we have, and that is not fair to us. We deserve relief from the pain, but some of that relief comes from distracting ourselves from it by remembering it's not all there is in life.

Again, I am referring to chronic pain, because I don't have much experience with eating disorders.

[incarnateirony]

Mm, one thing I am not looking forward to with the other GM, as much as I love him as a typist, is the inevitable backhanded BTS measure of trying to override 900 pages of story by wandering in and declaring something, and I fully expect that to happen. He is Very Proud Of Playing God, and when he realized that the way he set up Becoming God off of another character's work was being undone by the very campaign he asked me to run, because that's why he used the character's work to do it, it became WELL ACTUALLY--HE DID IT HIMSELF BEFORE THAT. AND SOMETHING ETERNAL ANNOYING LA MULANA DUNGEON.

And like, bro. You are literally not going to be able to bitch the players into hailing Lord Rando As The Supreme when they witnessed the beginning of existence and FUCK ALL, YOU WEREN'T THERE, you were just some dude in the way to get there a few times. Yeah, the moral is, as Kion said, they are all their own lords, and we together, all for one, and one as the All, creation is what we make of it. That was always the goddamn point of the device he implied made his dude god. And like. Nobody cares about your guy, guy.

It's a delivery thing he still hasn't understood, you can't just wander in and throw things and demand people care, as per the whole idea of his past "hints" that he wants people to break down to extremes as if they are by default expected to know how god "should" act and care deeply about his state, and like, fuck all no he was being an annoying douche the whole time the like. 3 times he showed up being the opposite of helpful.

Randomly declaring things once a month to assert power is not even GM attitude, it's just obnoxious player attitude. They just spent 3 months rearranging creation itself in SPITE of your dude to make the world in the image of their own dreams and learn how to build better things when they get back to ~reality, they have climbed the world trees, stood at the edge of the void, they have faced life, and death, and cosmic soup, and whatever the fuck. Why the fuck will they want to find him for any other reason than to beat his ass?

Like right now everyone's saying their tearful goodbyes to a character they helped mold over these months, and teach each other together, and hope they might meet again, or at least be allowed to not forget what happened and who they knew and what they did together. Nobody cares if your dude comes in squawking IM GOD. No the fuck you aren't, you're a pain in the ass with no establishment that keeps cropping up at bad times doing stupid shit that hampers them. They're god, or at worst, their dead friend is god, because on him the world will turn, forever, self born by his own design for everything. You're. A guy who pushed a button then tried to change the backstory three times.

Neither plots nor people work like that dude.

And he gets real proud like, LOOK HOW MUCH JALIM LEARNED FROM ZENTO while even making the bad guy blink at, how the fuck did you take it like that. ok whatever easier for me I guess. And like. Character growth is great and all, but at best that's still a player path sticking on a GM badge and calling itself god. I don't know if I'd agree with the growth since the last act he did could have severely fucked the heroes in another arrangement. Luckily they moved too fast for god's fuckup to backfire on them. But the whole "I say a speech I think sounds good, pound my chest and fuck off to the wind after making everyone's lives around me hell but swearing up and down I helped" is a player brain, not a GM.

There was even a time like, he shook a defeated enemy awake not realizing what he was doing because he hadn't paid attention to the plot for real for shit (which I understand now he didn't the first time either), and like, no your dead friend is this monster they just put down. I kept trying to deflect you doing it but you insisted and it woke up so all the heroes responded and heard your argument and realized you fucking woke Death back up. Like. Six hours after they had defeated him, no less. "Well he destroyed the pillar that had to be done" bro it was already destroyed, River destroyed it in the fight, it reconstituted as the reflection of his presence when you forced it back up. You're patting yourself on the back for making a problem then fixing it. I'm not letting you take that from the heroes or the one that actually destroyed it. That's just spinning your wheels to try to reinforce your godness.

The irony is, he swears he gets this, plays his weird version of the collective, vaguely cites the theology, but then insists on trying to come in, alone, and change everything. When literally the ending is no, you are all your own lords, the soul is supreme and in this moment, we are One. Facing the call to destruction or search for emptiness, the conflict of how everything came from the nothing. It literally required EXTENSIVE planning IC and OOC both, players coordinating deeply against seemingly impossible odds. You have said many times your character refuses to enter the city because of XYZ excuse. You insisted on trying to do this alone, against the plot morals, which is why it went bad every time, because you weren't listening or paying attention. So there's just. Twenty levels of irony.

"Well my job keeps me busy and I can't read all-" Shhh. sh sh sh stop right there. No. Almost every player has a job. One has three jobs. They manage to connect, coordinate, read along, or ask questions when they get lost, they work with everybody. So if you got the time to build the world's most retarded La Mulana knockoff to send people through, you had the time to read. The matter is, you didn't care and you thought you knew better. Now this would make an excellent narrative about demiurges/pankrators like Chuck if it was on purpose but instead you're making it a commentary on humanity because the point is sailing over your head and you keep trying to retroact him into things he literally Does Not Fit.

The whole. Oh my character was just a griffin that died and got found by a god to become powerful but a slave and met Kion and became friends and Hit The Button To Save Him In Error And Became God except SURPRISE now I"m saying it was something different vs

Developed campaign that existed before this one and before the dude hit the button on a multiplanar journey across the cosmos and ancient memory showing that the person who created The Button and the city built on his pure willpower was, in fact, always created and trained for this role (and its opposite), he fits every bill on the mythology you try to use, you don't. You played some dude that kept falling in holes to become a bigger god and are trying to claim yourself the All and Void both. And yeah the moral is the soul is always an oxymoron like that but so is everyone's. You didn't come from the void, you weren't self born, you are not The Great Dragon or The Great Teacher, you are not the Workman, or the Master Builder, you are none of the things, but saying I Am All sounds hella neat and powerful, but you're not grokking what you're even trying to fucking present while kicking in the door with a funny song to melt down five planes because YOU WEREN'T LISTENING.

Like, this be mine, and the campaign is a success because everyone, the players, AS the collective shaped it correctly. He pays lipservice to the ideas but throws out randos doing nonsense actions and calls it the collective, or insists he is The One or The All while simultaneously refusing to join the others, and so on and it's like. bro. give it up. you said you wanted the campaign, you were clearly aware of at least the base potential implied in Xorv, you don't just cling to a godtitle. And no don't say it's for GM purposes if you're only NOW thinking up a knockoff dungeon with no real form, history or purpose that will at best be highly obnoxious. Just admit you had no plan. You had 3 months while I ran this to come up with more than "my current favorite game to clone is--"

[gardenerian]

Dear Mel, happiest of Wednesdays to ya!

How have the boys annoyed each other so far this week? (Once again, my autocomplete knew this entire question!)

hello and welcome to the personal hell that i am living through

their air conditioning has been out all week. it’s hot and humid and it’s only getting worse. they are both pissed off at all hours of the day. when they get home from work, they try to hang out in the ambulance for as long as possible to put off the hideousness of going inside. it’s too hot to cook, too hot to eat, almost too hot to fuck, too hot to sleep - it’s goddamn! miserable! but they still have life to live.

mickey does the laundry usually. he prefers to do it, bc ian gets distracted in between loads and it just takes forever. mickey likes to pound some caffeine and power through. there’s a bunch sitting in the hamper when they get home - it’s been sitting there for days, taunting him. mickey decides ian should take care of it for once. but ian (WRONGLY) thinks it’s too fucking hot to go up and down the stairs hauling clothes around right now. so he says they should wait until the ac MIGHT be fixed on friday. and for now they can just shove the clothes out of the way.

mickey’s like ????? bc they don’t know the unit will be fixed on friday and they are sweating through their clothes and the laundry has been piling up all week and it’s too hot to have their stuff lying around and just??? do the laundry???? get one thing out of the way please? but ian gives nothing but chin.

so mickey stomps around and moves the hamper from spot to spot to spite ian and ian sighs and makes a big show of all the stuff he is doing around the house - look mick, i’m sweeping. but THAT’S NOT THE POINT 🫠 eventually they will realize that the heat is killing them and they’ll pack up their laundry and crash at lip’s place. an option not all of us have 😡

[hinatastinygiant]

71 | Spearmint

Pairing: Tokyo Revengers x Fem!Reader

Wasteland Masterlist

The next thing you know, you're surrounded in an unfamiliar, colorless world. You begin to wander, feeling disoriented and lost. The endless expanse of white walls and floors seems to have no beginning and no end, and you have no idea how much time is passing as you walk through them. You begin to feel hopeless until you notice a strange yellow blob in the distance.

As you begin to approach it, you feel a sense of unease creeping up your spite. Something about the blob is seriously unsettling, and as it speaks to you, its voice is cold.

"Approach, human..."

"What are you?" you ask it with your eyebrows furrowing together.

"An artificial intelligence, as humans call us," it tells you.

"Artificial intelligence?" you repeat. "Usually when someone asks your name you say something like McLovin or something like that."

"Death has made you humorous, I see," it then replies.

You reach into your pocket for your gun, ready to defend yourself against this strange being. But the AI merely watches you, entertained. 

"You cannot harm me," it speaks. "I am no mere life form that ages. Mortality does not affect me."

Speechless and not sure of what to make of its words, you quietly let go of your gun. "Can you explain what exactly is going on here? I'm sure as shit not dead if I can feel myself breathing."

"You mean where you were with your human friends?" it asks for clarification. "In comparison to where you lived only a few weeks prior?"

"Yes," you grumble, a bit annoyed that this self-proclaimed higher life form couldn't figure out what you were referring to.

"Why, you are in the future," It explains. "A future I have created for your world."

"A future?" you repeat. "Why?"

"Because human beings are no longer in control of their own world-"

"But didn't you just say you did that?" you cut it off.

"Human, you are rather insistent, aren't you? Do you really need me to explain it all if you think you've already got it all figured out?" it then snaps.

"I, uh-"

"I am experimenting," it then continues. "Still learning about humans. And to you, I have grown rather partial."

"It's just you then? Must get rather boring in the middle of fucking nowhere all on your own. Maybe think about hiring a painter or some shit. Maybe if you didn't kill all the interior designers one would be willing to help you out."

After that when you try to press the AI for more information, it's rather stubborn and doesn't give you any more answers.

"What did you mean when you said that I passed your test?" you then ask it.

"You exceeded my expectations, human," it finally answers. "I've learned quite a lot from you about how humans work in stressful situations." But even as it speaks, you can sense that there is much more it is keeping from you. And as the conversation comes to a close, the AI warns you that there are consequences to the knowledge it has imparted.

"You must be careful," it says. "For the things you know are dangerous. And they may lead you down a path from which there is no return."

With those final words, the white world begins to fade away. 

You slowly open your eyes, feeling groggy and disoriented. You realize now that you have returned to the health center. And as you come to, you see Mikey sitting in a chair next to your bed, his eyes fixed on your wrist where he is checking your pulse. He looks up when he sees that you're awake, a small smile spreading across his lips.

DAY 36

"You're finally up," he says, relief evident in his voice.

"How long have I been out?" you ask, your voice hoarse. You try to sit up, but a wave of dizziness washes over you. Mikey quickly places a hand on your shoulder, gently pushing you back down onto the bed.

"Easy there," he says. "You've been out for a few days. You need to take it slow."

You try to sit up, but a wave of dizziness washes over you once more, forcing you to lie back down. Mikey immediately reaches over and adjusts your pillows, making you more comfortable.

"What happened?" you ask, your mind still hazy with memories of the strange white world and the enigmatic AI.

Mikey takes a deep breath and looks at you gravely. "You injected yourself with an unknown substance, Y/N. You went into cardiac arrest and we thought we were going to lose you."

You feel a chill run down your spine at the realization of how close you came to death. You take a moment to collect your thoughts before speaking again.

"I met with it," you say finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "The thing that controlled Baji. It was some form of artificial intelligence."

Mikey's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "What did it say?"

"It reminded me that I passed its test," you reply, speaking half-truths while your mind races with confusion. "But I have no idea what that means or why it is doing this."

Mikey looks at you for a moment, his expression thoughtful. "I don't know what to make of it either, Y/N. But we can't ignore it. We need to figure out what's going on."

"Did I really go into cardiac arrest?" you ask, motioning to the medical equipment surrounding you. "Can you take this crap off of me now?"

"No," he shakes his head, "I can't. You almost fucking died but we managed to save you. But I don't know what kind of damage that crap might've caused so I'm keeping you here under close observation for now. Don't even think about going anywhere."

"And what about Chifuyu?" you nod, taking deep breaths and steadying yourself while also changing the subject.

"He's nearby. I can go get him," he answers.

"Are you allowed to leave me?" you grumble with narrowing eyebrows. "You know, since I'm under close observation for now."

"God, don't be such a fucking dick after I save your life," he shakes his head as he stands up. "A thank you would be nice."

"Thanks, Mikey," you reply quietly as he opens the door.

"Yeah, whatever."

The next time the door opens, Chifuyu walks into the room with Mikey, looking concerned. "Y/N, how are you feeling?" he asks.

"I'm feeling better now," you reply. "I really can't believe I was out for three days."

Chifuyu nods in agreement. "We were all worried about you. We thought we were going to lose you," he adds.

You then begin to tell Chifuyu the same that you told Mikey, about how you met that strange yellow blob and how it explained you had passed its 'test'.

"That thing was stupidly cryptic," you shake your head, "It didn't want to give me any information. But I feel like there's something more going on here. Something bigger than all of us."

Chifuyu looks over at you. "We need to figure out what's happening, and fast. We can't let this AI or whatever it is continue to experiment on all of us."

Mikey nods in agreement. "But how do we do that? We don't even know where to start."

"I've got no fucking clue," you admit. "But we've got to figure something out."

Wasteland Masterlist

Taglist: @pikagirl2001330 @romaka344

[docholligay]

Madrid Preparty: Vocal Highs and Lows (part one apparently there is a video limit)

First of all, because I know I’m gonna put someone in here that people are gonna fight me about: This is (mostly) about the vocal delivery. Because I care. I actually don’t think how well they can sing is going to affect all but a few of the semi qualifiers.

People who pay the money to vote in semis go INTO Eurovision knowing who they like, and much to my chagrin, they often vote for who they liked before, not who performed on the night. This is why Cyprus, who warbled off key all stage (She was in my top ten last year, I also loved the song right up until I saw her do it) would have qualified last year. Any of these fan favorites that have, uh, vocal issues? They are still going to qualify. Am I annoyed by this? Yeah, of course. I think how the night goes should be the determiner. And there ARE people like me, but there are far more that vote for the song they intended to vote for before the semi even started. But this is the backhand of non-jury semis, which I am in favor of. Nothing in life is perfect. So if I point out issues with your fan fave, know that it probably won’t matter to the qualification.

SECONDLY, let’s all acknowledge that there were some fairly huge issues with sound in Madrid. Some people kicked ass in spite of it and some folks, like Loreen (Sweden), just kept going because it’s whatever man, I can sing this all day, but it really did throw some people off. Poor Parsha Parfeni (Moldova) had no mic for a good chunk of his song. He still brought it, but it was not great for him.

This is why I generally take the AVERAGE of preparty performances, and encourage others to do that same. Everyone can have an off night, and by the same token, everyone can have a stellar night for no reason.

OKAY

High: Armenia

I fucking hate this song, but my god can she deliver it. I would have said there’s no way she could sound like the studio version but, I GUESS. She’ll qualify even from a terrible position, I think, being in the easy semi.

Low: United Kingdom

Oh Mae. I love you, as a person, so much. I love your GCSE 5 Spanish* intro here, I love your energy, I love the fact that when you actually do this song onstage you sound a LOT more like you fucking talk instead of the accent level(l)ing of the studio version.

But this is not it. She’s out of breath (Stop trying to sing and dance!!! It’s hard!! THIS IS WHY IT’S IMPRESSIVE WHEN IT’S DONE) and off and I think it is saying something that the top comment on this is someone (In spanish) saying, “It’s a preparty, it’s for fun, not for competition” and you know when that’s the top comment, what you’re getting. A few other comments taken from the top ten.

Middling translation to colloquial American English by me: They gotta think of something for Eurovision, because this is a mess.

 * I actually don’t know how difficult the GCSE Spanish exam is. Or even if there is one. Anyway, pretend I said she got a C in Spanish if you’re American.

High: Australia

I am INCENSED about how much I love Australia’s entry this year. These guys are an established band who know what the fuck they are doing, and it’s so GODDAMN COHESIVE and TOGETHER, and it’s amazing watching how he knows how to carry a crowd. A few vocally shaky moments, because apparently he lost his in-ear (Not the first or last one) but altogether a fucking TRIUMPH. They will qualify, and I need them to.

Low: France

PLEASE KNOW THIS GRIEVES ME. She was another one that lost her in-ear (You can see her frantically signaling), but unlike Voyager above, she couldn’t make it happen. It threw her for the whole performance, I’m not sure she even ever got it back, but she sure as shit did not recover. It is a TRAINWRECK of a vocal performance. It’s a shame, I’ve heard her sing this live before I have faith she actually can, but if this were the only time I’d seen her live I would be sweating it. It’s no good, folks.

High: Sweden

Anyone who says that this song will only so well because it’s Loreen or because of her staging is really, I think, doing her a disservice. She’s fucking incredible. She was one of the last performers, it was extremely late, she’;s jumping up and down at the end and you can barely tell vocally. Absolutely fair not to like the song, but she’s an exceptional fucking talent.

[bi-sapphics]

"you never listen to us, you just go straight on the defensive" is something people should say when someone's being bigoted and hurtful towards a marginalized community while having privilege over them, not when you're a bi woman who doesn't wish to listen to the constant whining and crying of open culture and the goods + bads of history having never been exclusive enough.

you are acting like i need to take a break after writing a deep genuine apology and reflect on my actions for... defending bisexual history from people who hate us unnecessarily and without good reason. i did not call you a fucking racial slur or draw child porn for my favorite cartoon fandom and yet you react the exact same way as something that offensive like twitter does (yes really, they word it the exact same way towards antiblack microagressions and proshippers). please be serious and rational for a goddamn second.

i don't care that it angers you more than you already are that i'm actually in the right to be pissed off as well at this point. i'm tired of bi women being portrayed as the antagonizers and lesbians as the poor victims of us when we do absolutely nothing wrong (generally speaking, not accounting for actually lesbophobic bisexuals); doing something we're perfectly entitled to, even. i'm tired of the projecting onto bi women that we're hateful of lesbians after we hit back and prove that lesbians have always, historically and impactfully, hated bi women overwhelmingly more and wanted us gone from their previously unclosed spaces. you think you're untouchable and thereby dehumanize yourselves via insisting it and placing yourselves on pedastals above everyone else. you're not. if i get in the way of that illusion, i won't move. it's important that you see this for what it is and not what you want it to be instead.

i usually try not to come across as rageful when i write posts like these and i like to believe i'm engaging normally in a debate, however much i roll my eyes, as that's how i write them. but i am really annoyed right now. it doesn't seem to be clear enough yet that i'm not going to give up who i am and how i like to live in order to please you and let you erase us away. if i have to say it in a way that provokes people better then i will. i'll be more spiteful and unapologetic. fuck. off.

[ram-de]

[Read] Howie&Artie (~P326)

Okay. I haven't been writing review ahem, not review, just thoughts about books i read because at some point i felt like finishing it in one go, moving to another, and like... it's so addicting. i read that i'm in a kind of a honeymoon phase when it comes to reading. lots i read, easily entertained, found the joy in everything. so... and i don't mind that.

so when i read this top review about this one book on goodreads, which, is offensively annoying, honestly. i hate reading snobby reviews, <-which i am lowkey doing right now, what the fuck, reviewing another revies?! well, whatever. rage is all-consuming. thing is, it's this specific way of reviewing that bothers me to no end. snobby, pretentious, all superior. book is an entertainment, get off your high horses! a picture attached somehow making me frustated. and also do not finish because of the spice being fade to black I WAS LOOKING FOR A NON-SPICY BOOK HELLO??!?!?!? WHY DOES EVERY ROMANCE BOOK HAVE TO INCLUDE SPICE!!! WHY YOU'RE RATING IT BAD BECAUSE IT'S NOT... TRYING WHAT IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE?!?!! i do love me some spice but like... i don't know, leaving a 2/5 because what a book visioned doesn't align to what you expected it to be (becuase you wished for it to be something else) is. not everything meant to be spiced!!! some is just sweet and fluffy! and that is okay!!! spicy is okay too!! but not every single thing has to be one thing you want it to be!!! augh!!! idk. it irks me. not that i can't do anything about it.

ACTUALLY I CAN. I READ THIS ONE PURELY IN SPITE. BECAUSE OF THIS ONE REVIEW. screw you. i finished it too. I MADE A POST ABOUT IT IN MY TUMBLR TOO. and what i get? hella cute story. reminds me of reading a shoujo, slice-of-life esque manga. or a shounen manga with the protagonist doing part-time job in a supermarket and most of the time the story centers around the protagonist and his work. (eg. hataraku maou sama, it's NOT SIMILIAR AT ALL. just gave me similiar vibes). also the humor. I get it. i don't... i don't really stick with the humor too, mostly because there's a heckton of references about pop cultures and stuff which i don't... get. but when it hits, it hits. i laughed a lot.

(now i am reconsidering writing this because... the last one i wrote about two male-leads being cute is ari&dante and that's several months ago), but oh well. this is june!!! happy... june... month. i love romance books. UM. i hope no one irl knows my tumblr💀

HOWIE!!! this guy irks me at the beginning because of the typical lame-shounen protagonist kind of traits. oggling over girls (though he did felt wrong, but he still do oggle), kind of a loser that masks his worries in what it seems like an attempt of funny jokes. you're funny! sometimes!! howie. basically... he applied to work at this one craft store, because he wanted to get laid. and his reason is even more lame. he thought guys that deals with arts is more sensitive and that's why he would suddenly be a male alpha that oozes attracting forces. so he thought. he's dumb and endearing...

the other lead is ARTIE!!! cold and distant at first. typical, but it doesn't took long for him to open up. and by that i meant stealing kisses... um. even in mangas, this tropes irked me so bad. what happened to consent... and idk how it is in other places maybe it's romanticized to no end and maybe it's just how it goes in other countries. idk!! i'm brought up very conservatively, okay. i have a very limited view of how it's usually meant to be. and add to that being in a mostly... idk... the country i live in isn't... really??? forget it. ARTIE!!! a top-student, achieving, members of the? orchestra? club back in high school. one thing leads to another that he ended up being the one to take care of this craft store instead. the store itself isn't doing well, considering there's a cheaper, better, alternative like Holly's. about his character instead, i find it refreshing that he's not the usual i'm out you're not so you need to get your shit up if we want to be together ASAP. which is!!! totally fair to everyone! im just so used to it being one of the main conflicts and sort of, idk, maybe felt like it gave me some vibes of something along like coming out before they're ready...

the dialogues (which takes like 80% of the story) is honestly the life of the book itself. and even when it's not, it's told in 1st POV in Howie's. and he usually went into this tangent of basically everything so. and it's amusing! the characters are also lively, though maybe it's a bit, very... how do i say this. stereotypic-ish... like there's this one main traits. The main craftstore-cast is a solid A+! mostly because howie's opening up to others outside of his usual clique and mother is very, joyful to read. He himself getting to know more about himself, being more open, being more happy in general too. howie himself is tackling with some issues outside of his newfound love interest and work buddies. his twin brother, who's studying pre-med, high-achiever, had a girl visiting town. his mother, who's been in a slump for two years because his dad passed away in an accident who she blames herself for. and his friends, amber and mitch!!

relatively speaking the scale of drama in this fiction isn't that... all-stake big. like, although it deals with deceased dad (and partner), and maybe tackling some stuff like insecurity and inferiority... the side cast is so... SO... LIVELY!!! kristy is lovely and cute and honest. cora is a cool and confident and bold and all!!! arthur is cold and distant and rather quiet and stoic at first. howie talks like in this kind of bro-like vibes and very manly and the resident i like girls one. the dynamics!!! THE DYNAMICS!!! HELLO!!! the way kristy sets up the two and her (and howie) ((and cora)) pretending not to know it gets me everytime because who are we lying to here guys? attending cora's show, artie's piano performance... and there's this one. this one time it's so fluffy. when howie visited kristy's place one time. she told him someone told him cute... i... words cannot put it into justice. and i'm not good with words. i'm just reminiscing it in my head because it's so cute. CUTE. AGH I LOVE CUTE BOOKS....

it's all felt lighthearted to me. it's warm, and, fluffy. okay, maybe there's some pages with unnecessary narration like lengthy text... and unfunny jokes. but when being lighthearted is the main charm of this book (to me, anyway), there's times when it doesn't lands and it's okay. doesn't take the other time when it does things to me. and maybe precisely because it's lighthearted... it doesn't deal with a more grounded or realistic challenges other... more... idk. dramas usually tackle. it can be a dealbreaker to others, and it's fine.

i'm engrossed.

by the time we're reaching some, i don't know. resolution phase of the book, i cried. mostly things happened with howie's mom. i don't know why i cried easily when it comes to family stuff, i cried too when it happened in ari&dante, and eleanor oliphant, and leonard peacock. and i read this book because of the romance too. so... i'm just saying there's more to the story and it touches me. ultimately, i felt like howie's and artie's became less of a focus but more of a bigger part of... howie's journey in feeling happier as the time goes. and... !@#$?13$!#$#:#!FKEIUG2321$?#!?!!!! i'm weak.

i don't remember how to review a book. this is just another tangent. and i know, i said i'm pouring it out of spite. but i liked the book! it's fun for what it is. it can be cute and fluffy one page, unhinged tangent the next one, and then numbingly touching the other.

anyway. that's it!!! for my thoughts. i love it for what it is. happy june!!! here for a better month!!!