#i almost cried ngl... i was so emotional about him being missing!!!!

[timothylawrence]

You're alright. My gods, you're alright! Come here, darling.

Bex and Danis in Act Two

[d3eathnotes]

Hii I love your writing, I was wondering what your Jeff headcanons are?

⚠️: Bullying, mentions of self harm, weed, and body gore?

Jeff Headcanons:

Jeff has NPD and schizophrenia

Jeff is a fucking menace. The way he pranks people is by using their trauma against them. Jeff and Ben are best friends, but sometimes he takes it too far. One time he poured water over Ben, and Ben started glitching out and gasping for air as Jeff just laughed and watched. He and Ben took a little break from being friends after that.

The main people he bullies the most are Nina and Toby. He’ll sometimes cut the sleeves off Nina’s clothes so everybody has to see her self-harm scars, poor girl, and he bullies Toby’s stutter and tics and for a week straight. Jeff would get Toby to slap himself, and over time, Toby developed that tic of slapping himself. He can't feel the pain, but he gets embarrassed when he does it in front of the creepypasta girls.

Jeff, Tim, Toby, and Kate all smoke weed together that’s the only time you’ll see all four of them in the same room together not fighting

Jeff gets so emotional when he smokes weed. Once, he cried in Tim’s arms after he admitted he does feel bad for killing his parents and he wishes they were alive again, and he didn't smoke for like a month and after Toby told him what he did he just doesn't want people to see him as weak.

After that incident, though Kate told everybody about Jeff crying after Nina heard about this, she actually comforted Jeff at first before he started lashing out and trying to STAB her, so now Jeff has the nickname, Whiney Baby.

Once every two weeks Jeff has to freshen up his permanent smile because it’ll start healing so he’ll take a knife and re-open it again

Jane works for Zalgo in my AU so sometimes Jeff and her will run into each other while on missions and they fight almost to the death EVERYTIME

Jeff once came home so badly beaten he had to take a week off and everybody was forced to help him out (due to slenders order)

He’ll sometimes see his dead sister staring at him from the corner of his room and he will stare back and not move until she goes away.

Sometimes he’ll also hallucinate Slenderman too like talking to him and stuff

“ Hey, Boss Man just told me some freaky stuff about Lu” Ben: “Jeff..Slender hasn't been here in months did you take your meds?”

THIS BOY STANKS, YA’LL He only showers until Brian forces him to because he smells so bad, like blood and spoiled milk. Once, he went an entire year without showering, and there was a bunch of lice in his hair, so the whole mansion had to be quarantined.

He has pictures of Liu on the wall in his room because sometimes he imagines life with his older brother again he misses Liu so much, guys he’s kinda bummed that Liu hates him now

He uses Nina for things because he knows she can't say no he’ll steal her breakfast or destroy all her make up

Surprisingly, Jeff isn't too hated at the manor; they hate him, but they don't because he's kind of like the OG; he came after Tim and Brian, but he's not top dog. Slender decided to just keep Jeff as a resident because his anger issues get in the way of his work and he's too sloppy.

He gets such an ego boost knowing people cosplay him and made fanart of him ngl he has a few pictures of cosplayers who cosplay him up on his wall because he thinks they did a good job

Hope you enjoyed!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[bottomtrevor]

got any Michael headcanons u wanna share with the class? >:B

This prompt made me realize I don’t think as much of Michael 😭😭 digging thru my Trevor brain-rot brain to find crumbs of Michael ngl

This one isn’t really a headcanon bcz I think it was hinted heavily in canon but I’m not sure— I think Michael may be a sociopath. Doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person, of course, I think he just struggles to emotionally connect with others. Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to or can’t FEEL emotion— yes he cares for Amanda, yes he loves his kids, yes he cares for his friends/associates (all in his own way) and doesn’t like killing when it’s senseless (or at least that’s what he tells Trevor, I believe), but he definitely is exploitative and looks for his own benefit

WHICH brings me to my next point which I assume is also fairly popular— Michael’s exploitative nature was heavily expressed towards Trevor, especially in the earlier years after he’d understood that Trevor was really attached to him. So like Trevor was doing shit for him which he knew wouldn’t be done for him in return. There was always an (unintentional?) power dynamic — we know Trevor was relatively “chill”er in his youth, so I think he was more easily influenced by his need to please and be around Michael? Michael also sometimes (both unknowingly some times, and knowingly at others ) used “positive reinforcements” to not only keep Trevor on the right path, but also to keep him dedicated to himself. Why? Because uhh repressed LGBT activity makes a man possessive I guess

HES A SOCIAL MEDIA LURKER FR. he looks at posts from his friends and family, never interacts online but might mention something that caught his interest in a face-to-face conversation. (Amanda posts 2 pics asking which outfit looks better at 3pm. “The red one looked best by the way.” Michael replies when they’re in bed getting ready to sleep.)

Used to be obsessed with working out, obviously. He was a jock 🙏🏻

He just likes being a big spoon 🤷🏻‍♀️ never even acknowledged it to himself tho bcs that’s the kinda corny even he can’t stand

Can’t dance

Neutral towards pets/animals. Doesn’t have a particular favorite and doesn’t hate any particular one.

He gives me momma’s boy vibes (not like the vibes Trevor has tho? Much milder) I don’t know why. Can’t even elaborate on this one

Literally the entire fandom agrees: R E P R E S S E D H O M O

hasn’t cried since he was born 🚩

Before, his reaction to almost everything would be a knuckle sandwich 👊🏻💢 . (Being around the trigger-happy Trevor didn’t help) now his reaction to almost everything is just a blank stare ( “😐” looking ass) he worked hard to manage violent impulses and he knew he could only get them under control if he distanced himself from “bad company”

He doesn’t even miss his old surname at all. I think part of him would’ve gladly left it in the past— he didn’t really have a connection to it

Suspects that Ron has....something going on for Trevor (Franklin doesn’t believe him). Call it a crush or whatever. He definitely wants to tease Trevor about it

hes dismissive when it comes to heart-to-hearts. Doesn’t like lengthy emotional talking— he’d rather brush it under the rug. If it’s not a problem he can shoot at, please don’t bring it up 👍🏻 he CAN say corny shit every now and then if someone REALLY needs to hear it but he doesn’t really mean much of it half the time.

Jimmy and Tracey tried showing him vines and low-quality meme vids . He was not impressed. (He laughs at the kind of shit Franklins VA posts on his insta 😭 I wouldn’t say boomer humor exactly but.....lowkey boomer humor)

[hakkais-hoe]

Hi! Can you do a part 2 of how they deal with breakup with Baji, Mitsuya, Mikey and Chifuyu? Thank you 💕

Hi!! Ofc 😊 I was about to do a part 2 for Kazutora anyway so I’ll stick him with these four 💞 n sorry about your wait hope you enjoy these hun 🥰

I’d apologise for the Baji one but I just can’t see him admitting that he’s in the wrong 🤷‍♀️

Characters: Kazutora, Mikey, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, Baji

Age warning: none

All characters are 18+

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Baji

Tbh he’s probably a little toxic n mansplainy, is a dick about it ngl

Can and will commit several counts of arson just because he’s in a huff

Literally has a tantrum for a day or two before going back to normal and acting like you haven’t even broken up with him

You’ll have to throw him out of your place multiple times

Tells you to stop being “dramatic” before getting slapped

Talks pure shit to Chifuyu n Kazutora, who promptly tell him to suck it up or go beg you to take him back

Doesn’t even think it’s his fault you broke up, wholeheartedly believes you’re just trying to “play hard to get” or just doin it for attention

Honestly don’t think he’d come begging to get back together, he’d just show up one day and you wouldn’t be able to tell him to leave cos of his pretty long hair ig 💀

Also I think he’s probably used to his s/o getting mad at him for shit n just kicking him out for a bit n letting him back in so he just thinks that’s what ur doing

If none of this works he just acts like n injured dog, but that I mean he purposefully gets into fights n let’s them land a few good punches so that he can come back and be like “baby please can you patch me up” like the little shot he is

Doesn’t purposefully play on your emotions tho, mainly because he’s a moron, he just knows that you don’t like seeing him hurt

Does realise how much he missed being able to hold you after a while tho, having you back in his arms even if you’re just patching him up , is like a blessing to him now

Does this cute little soft smile when you’re not looking at him

Is literally like a feral raccoon that you found in a bin n brought in one day tbf, he’s not sure how he got here but he definitely doesn’t wanna leave luxury now

Kazutora

It’s all mikeys fault

But no fr he cries for a while man

Ends up spending a lot of time in the pet shop at night complaining to the kittens n puppies while he brushes them

or just simply talking to himself about where he went wrong while stocking the shelves

Cries at work a few times when Chifuyu or someone else mentions you

Is the definition of a simp when he’s in love so you can imagine just how much it would break him to be left

Thinks he’s being abandoned, complete opposite of Baji, blames himself for it

He tries to get you back by writing you little love letters, sending your favourite flowers or snack or plushies, sends you pictures of the animals at the shop.

Does NOT show up at your house uninvited!!

He respects that you don’t want to see him but he can’t help but cry when you don’t reply to him, or try visit him

Try’s not to talk to Chifuyu about the break up until Chifuyu confronts him n makes him talk

Cries a bit more for good measure ( prolly could do with some eye drops)

Almost certainly purposes at least twice if/when you get back together

Chifuyu

Definition of okay on the outside but dying within

100% will not show just how much it hurts him when you say those five words

Straight-faced “if that’s what you want” beige he leaves n sits in his car for a good hour with a blank face

Then proceeds to drive to the middle of no where, scream n shout till his voice is horsed, set his jacket on fire for the extra flare of drama and then drive home in silence

Hates the world for weeks, terrifies Kazutora to the point of him being too scared to even ask when the next shipment of some stock is coming in

Usually his female customers flirt with him but not they’re too scared of the menacing aura n deep set glare plastered to his face to even approach him

Gets absolutely shitfaced when him n Kazu meet up with Takemichi n spills everything

Cries a little bit before boldly proclaiming his love for you to an entire bar then falling face first off a table

Wakes up in your house with an ice pack strapped to his head n a blanket thrown over him

Very very embarrassed when he sees you come in with a pissed “I hope your explanation is good” look on your face

He has no idea how he got here, finds out from you that he rang you at 3 in the morning n had a mental breakdown over the phone before telling you that if you didn’t come get him he was going to eat an entire cake to himself and 4 (specifically) tubs of ice cream n cry his eyes out

Dies of embarrassment before yet again telling you he misses you and wants to talk

Tries to be sensible but clearly fails miserably

Mitsuya

King of staying calm n giving you space

That is until he realises that you’re actually serious

Then all hell breaks loose

Doesn’t shower, eat, sleep or all round take care of himself n instead goes in to an almost catatonic state of just drawing designs n making shit for you

Ends up making you a beautiful extravagant piece of clothing which gets sent before anyone can intervene

Takes Hakkai n some of the others showing up at his house to fetch him for him to actually snap out of it a bit

Will only talk to Hakkai about what happened

Stressed to the max

You were the thing that calmed him when he was spiralling but now you were gone n he had nothing to anchor him in place

Freaked out when he saw what he’d done to himself and his apartment

He reaches out with a “we should talk, meet me for coffee at our usual spot”

Apologises for the package as soon as he sees you

Promptly stares at you and wonders how could he have ever let you go so easily

Blurts out “you keep me alive” before he can stop himself, apologises again and goes to leave

Can’t quite bring himself to leave the cafe n turns around n strides back to your table before taking everything back and saying he meant every word

“You are my everting, without you I would be long gone by now and I don’t know if I mean physically or mentally but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m so hopelessly in awe of everything that you do or say and I can’t live without you! Please don’t leave me too.”

Mr. Romantic strikes again pls love him he’s n angel n he’s pretty

Mikey

Little shit

The epitome of if I can’t have you no one can

But in the sense of he will not leave you alone n decides that he’s now going to buy the place you work just so he has an excuse to show up and take all your attention every day

Buys you dorayaki n leaves it in a bag for your lunch with your name on it in a heart

Can and will fire anyone who looks at you for too long

Has Sanzu stalk you when he can’t be there

Follows you to nightclubs n bars so that he can beat up anyone who hits on you

Still calls you his s/o n doesn’t see why he should stop “seen as you’ll be getting back together soon anyway”

Literally believes that it’s just a phase you can’t possibly leave him as well

Starts to dwell on it after and while n ends up taking his anger out on anyone around him (the poor bonten trio get the brunt of it)

Sends you gifts which usually comprise of snacks, clothing, accessories with his initials on and a new one which is self defence tools incase he can’t be there

You’d have to get used to the constant shadow tbf

When it becomes too much for him he’ll show up at your place in the rain, no umbrella ofc, n tell you how cold it is n how he’s conveniently stranded after his bike ran out of petrol n the rain got too much

Will still expect to be able to cuddle with you n leach your warmth (not like you’d be able to refuse his little pout anyway)

Whispers sweetly about how much he misses you nd needs you to take him back and let him love you again

He even says he doesn’t mind sleeping on the couch for a while, he just wants to be able to make sure you’re safe and be around you

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It is nearly 3 in the morning n I rly should sleep but this caught my eye so sleep is a myth

Taglist: @honeybachira @roppongiperfume @haitink @bontensbabygirl @loonashadow @reiners-milkbiddies @sunahyejin @wakasagurl

[wallflowerimagines]

Hi! I saw you do headcanons for reader x re8 could you do headcanons for a reader with a shit ton of body mods and say one day they leave the village for a few day then come back with a new tattoo that represents the lord that their with thank you <3 (ps i may have drawn what i think the tattoo would look like cus i have no self control lol)

These are all so great!!!

Have a couple short headcannons, Let's impress some Lords!!!

Alcina Dimitrescu

Her initial reaction to you having all those body mods is baffled respect. Darling she loves you dearly, and admires your commitment, but she does not understand your aesthetic.

(Although the tongue piercing is very nice. Alcina's a big fan💕)

Still, she accommodates your interests like it's a strange hobby or a weird pet. Something that she peripherally cares about, but only because you love it.

She has her favorites among your collection, of course. Alcina loves art and loves to critique it. Even so, it's like picking a favorite flower out of a bouquet--the bouquet as a whole is far more appealing than a single rose.

When you get back with a beautiful tattoo dedicated to her, something sort of clicks in her brain. You're living art, and you dedicated a piece of your canvas to her forever. It strikes her as incredibly romantic.

She runs her hands over the tattoo often, and is incredibly touched by the gesture. Eventually, she asks if she can design one for you herself. She has several ideas for new tattoos for you, and desperately wants to put her own design right over your heart❤️

Donna Beneviento

Very curious about your tattoos!

She loves to know the thought process behind each one, and will actually incorporate the placing of the tattoos and piercings when she makes you clothes. So the art can be visible all the time!

You're actually a little...suspicious? About how invested she is? Because she's started to incorporate thinner, almost see-through fabrics into the clothes she makes you. Depending on how many tattoos you have and where they are located, you might be gifted a very thin pirate shirt with 3/4 sleeves and missing buttons on the chest, or shorts that are just a touch shorter than you might normally wear. You look nice! Very, very nice...

Donna loves to see all that skin, ngl. Any body mods are just a beautiful, beautiful excuse to not only have you express yourself, but it lets your girlfriend openly, shamelessly ogle. 🥰

When you come back with a stylized tattoo of Angie, it's the first time Donna switches into a different mindset. She's so deeply moved by it that both she and Angie get crazy emotional.

You've made them a permanent part of you, in a way that makes you happy and lets you express yourself. Not only have you incorporated someone Donna deeply cares about as art on your body but it makes her realize how seriously you take your commitment to her.

It's her new favorite tattoo, because every time she sees it it wipes away any insecurities she has about how much you love her.

Salvatore Moreau

Nice!!! Tat buddies!!!

Salvatore has the big "Mother" sleeve on his arm, which is the only one if his tattoos still visible, but before his mutation he was starting to get a Mural on his back. It's no longer visible for obvious reasons, and he does miss it occasionally, but that's pretty low on his list of problems.

You, on the other hand, are everything he used to dream of being!! As a small town doctor he could only get tattoos that he could easily hide, but you proudly display your art on your skin without consequence. He's almost jealous!

Lots of soft touches on the tattoos while he asks you the stories behind them all. He has stars in his eyes for every single one, even the silly stick and poke you got on your ankle when you were drunk.

When you leave town for a couple days and come back with something that represents him?? He nearly cries.

The little aquarium is so detailed and vibrant--incorporating little mementos of your relationship at the "base" of the tank, along with some of his favorite fish. He has a sudden realization of how much you appreciate these things about him, things that he barely remembers telling you himself, and everything clicks into place.

Moreau, despite all of his misfortune, has never been happier, and it's all thanks to you. He loves you like crazy, and all the tattoo did was make him realize just how much.

Karl Heisenberg

YOU ARE HIS FAVORITE PERSON FOR SO MANY REASONS

Karl looooves piercings and tattoos. The whole aesthetic feels very original and just oozes self-expression.

For someone stuck in a village he hates with people he despises, you look like freedom to him. You dress how you want and decorate yourself in whatever makes you happiest. God, you're great❤️

When you leave town for a few days and come back with a patch of skin covered in tattoo wrap, he gets hyped. New Tattoo!! He can't wait for you to show it to him!!!!

When you finally peel it off the reveal the mechanical heart, Karl's face goes blank.

He doesn't speak when you ask him what's wrong, and his eyes are unblinkingly fixated on the heart. Honestly, at first you're really worried he hates it.

In reality Heisenberg is just too overwhelmed to talk.

He doesn't really know how to describe what he's feeling in this moment. It's not just his love for you, although he's absolutely flooded with that, but it's like you've allowed him to live vicariously through you. He feels loved, and just a little less chained down, because you're here to support him.

He pulls you into a tight hug and just...keeps you there for a while. You might feel a little wet spot on your shoulder, but Karl's voice is totally even when he mumbles "Thank you" into the crook of your neck.

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[bonny-kookoo]

Remedy | JJK x Reader | 💜☁️🔞🤖

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Android!AU, Android!Jungkook, AI!Jungkook

Warnings: mentions of war, PTSD, Panic attack, confused!Koo, soft reader, like my god I just wanna put her in my pocket and keep her safe, aka that’s what Koo wants to do, protective!Koo, praise kink, unprotected sex but izz fine Kookoo can’t knock her up anyways, soft sex, it’s very soft ngl, there’s a bird, some sad Koo, kook cries here and there, comfort and rehabilitation

Summary: JJK, Or J-Jungkook097 was a tactical fighter-type Android, used in modern war as a simple weapon and nothing more. Now retired after serious injuries, he has to adjust to modern life outside the war zone or he’ll get scrapped; and that’s where you come in, a rare human being ready to take on that challenge.

"Ah, what a waste, really." A worker says, looking the body of the Android over. "You sure you don't want him?" He asks, and the older worker shakes his head.

"I can't let him around my kids by himself, and I don't want him to snap around my wife either. He's not suited for my home and family." He says, looking the male robot over, before he pulls out his phone. "I think I know someone who just might take him." He says, hurriedly texting, before he gets a call back.

"Huh. Is he factory reset, or still running?" You ask, as Seokjin connects cords to the back of the android's neck.

"We tried to have him reset himself, but there's been problems." He explains. "He told us he did already, but that can't be true since he'd need a command to do it- his model isn't equipped with those AI options. Maybe his memory overloaded and deleted stuff as a survival protocol, we don't know. He's a military model, after all, they didn't let us see his original save data- they just downloaded it and went their way, leaving him for us to dismantle if he couldn't reset him properly for a new system." He says, as you type in some stuff, before viewing the screen you hold in your hand.

"So he's technically still running on his original warzone-system?" You ask Jin, and he nods, sighing. You furrow your brows, and the older male looks over at your tablet to see what you're looking at. "Are you sure? This is.. his AI settings are all set to.. look at this; companionable, friendly, all his settings are set to a companion-android, not a fighter type." You mumble, confused by this.

"Wait no no no that wasn't like that when I last looked at him." Jin says, taking the tablet from you as he types in some stuff. "Huh. This is weird." He says, showing you something. "Look at the protocol."

You do. "Huh." You say, looking at the last line of code.

Last change made by: JJK_OSADMIN

"He changed his own system." You say, and Jin is standing up now.

"I'm taking him with me, I can't let him-" He starts, but you do as well, placing your hands ontop of the Androids chest as if you're guarding him.

"NO! I already signed, I own him- Jin, I have to look into this- and he's set to friendly, he won't get hostile that easily." You try to reassure him, and he sighs after a while, taking his jacket from the chair close by.

"Keep me updated." He says, as he leaves you be.

The Android still sitting limply on your chair.

"Alright JJK. Time to wake up." You say, closing the small panel before you sit in front of him, waiting for his system to run the commands you had typed in before unplugging him. It takes a moment, but there's movement after that; his body slowly starting to sit properly, muscles moving into place, and system running it's diagnostics to detect any change in hard- or software made. It marks down his eyes, the small patches of skin re-made, and that his body-liquids had been replaced.

He feels good.

His eyes open slowly, iris moving and focusing in Various degrees before they meet your form. "Hello." He simply says. "Are you my new owner?" He asks, and you nod, expecting that question. He's not been factory reset, which means even though his memory was scattered, and his system had been changed, he was still aware of everything vital. He nods, before he looks around. "I'm now supposed to run on the companion protocol, correct?" He asks, and you shrug. He's confused, as you suddenly smile at him.

"I don't know." You tell him. "Companion, Individual- what would you like?" You ask, knowing it will bring his current system to it's limits. He's not made to make decisions like that, and you think it's quite endearing to see him suddenly think like that.

"I.. choose?" He mumbles, before he looks at you seriously. "I'd like to be given a small time frame to properly research before I come to a conclusion." He says, and your eyes widen.

You look at him, still friendly as ever. "So, you want to figure out what you want first?" You ask, and he nods, a bit hesitantly. "Okay. Just tell me when you've made up your mind then." You say, and he nods.

"What are my daily tasks?" He asks, and you shrug again. "This is frustrating." He says, and you laugh at that.

It's weird to hear it. But he notes it down as a positive response from you.

"Just don't burn the house down while trying to cook or something." You joke, and he seems to take it seriously.

"Why would I set your home aflame while attempting to cook? I'm not even capable of either task.." He says, and you get up, grinning.

"Don't worry so much. Just properly charge for now- we'll see what's gonna happen as it happens." You say.

He nods.

Jungkook knows that around 75% of fatal accidents occur in a mere household. He also knows, that a regular home is the safest place to live. Yet there he was, on the floor, holding his ears as an attempt to block out the sound of his nightmares. "Jungkook?" You ask, as you turn off the microwave. He's still shaking as you sit down in front of him, close- but not touching, unknowing if he would react to that negatively or not. "Can you hear me?" You ask, and he hesitantly retracts his hands from his ears, letting the sound in again. The beeping of the microwave is now gone, only the soft ticking of your clock on the wall and the buzzing of your fridge remain. "I'm sorry that scared you." You say, smiling apologetically as he shakes his head, face serious. His eyes move frantically as they glow an orange hue, showing his system status.

"No, I should apologize." He says. "I don't know why I displayed this reaction to a mere household object." He admits, and you open the microwave to take out your meal, before sitting down on the kitchen floor. "You shouldn't do that- the tiles are very cold-" He starts, but you wave him off.

"Its fine. Both." You say. "You're probably still confusing some sounds and things with your past use as a warzone model. So it's normal- your system has to adapt. You have to adapt." You say. "We all need some time to heal after what you've been through." You say.

He sits quietly after those words, watching you as he goes through his research on you. You're a very unusual individual, displaying a lot of behaviors he hasn't seen before. You take care of everything with a sense of care that makes him come to the conclusion that you're probably treating the machines and robots like living beings. Such as the oldschool robot-dog that he's seen under your living room table. It's currently charging, but he's seen you interact with it- genuinely displaying happiness and excitement at the very basic AI of the pet-robot that's missing a leg.

Its broken, just like him. But you're taking care of it, just like you take care of him.

You're very caring with him, too. He's seen you search for skin patches that match his color almost perfectly, even though they were more expensive than the usual models found in stores. You apologize for 'hurting' him, even though it's sometimes nescessary to repair him. You ask him about opinions, and let him roam around freely around the house.

You're a very friendly person.

And he, unknown to you, starts to create new files inside his system.

You're not there when he wakes up the next day.

He scans the house for any movement, but there is none that would lead him to the conclusion that you're there. There's no sign of you, and he becomes frantic, suddenly.

If his system would've worked properly like it should have, he would've remembered that you had told him yesterday that you would make a small trip to the local grocery store around the corner. But his system isn't working properly, already displaying several scenarios of you getting hurt, or vanishing, or leaving him alone.

He’d seen it before, so many times, hell; he’d been the reason of so many deaths in the first place and it never bothered him. So why was his internal system going absolute haywire at the mere idea of something happening to you? It was to be expected really- with how fragile you are, mentally and physically, it was bound to happen at some point. So why, if he knew it deep down already, did it make his pulse race and his skin feel weird?

You’d told him to stay home, but there was no way he’d be able to let you out of his sight. Because no, there were no emotions involved; they’d been restricted for him at the beginning after all, he was simply looking out for you. Probably a bug, maybe his system thought you were someone to be protected, a new mission to keep him occupied, that was probably it. It wasn’t because you had been so sweet with him, it wasn’t because of how gently you were in correcting him whenever he did something bad, it wasn’t because you were an absolute divine being in his eyes.

“Kook?” You said, an almost painful huff of breath escaping you when he crashed into you, holding you, his arms squeezing you a bit and his face burying itself into the crook of your neck, every sense drinking you in, saving the proof that you were okay, you were real, you were completely fine. “I-“ you started, and his eyes ripped open, suddenly realizing that he may be hurting you. As if burned he reacted, hands hovering over your shoulders as he looked you over.

“I apologize, I’m so sorry, does it hurt bad-“ he spoke hurriedly, eyes already glazing over with tears he didn’t even knew he could shed. Why did he suddenly feel so upset? His entire system was overloading, tears finally flowing and disrupting his sight so badly that he didn’t see your face anymore; sending him into panic even more. “I’m sorry- I’m-“ he pressed out, but there was nothing working anymore it seemed.

Only a few minutes later did he slowly come back to his senses, first thing he noticed being the way you held his body close, softly speaking to him while you were petting his head. It was such a weird sensation, yet it somehow soothed his mind back, as he realized that you were both on the ground. He was way too heavy, why were you doing that? But when he tried to get up, you held him tightly. “Take a Moment, Jungkook. You’re okay, I’m okay, just a breathe, yeah?” You said, and he nodded. “Let’s go back inside then yeah?” You softly said, and he nodded.

“But you need to buy groceries. We don’t have sufficient stock of-“ he started, but you giggled, the sound something he knew he liked. He didn’t quite know what to think of his newly found preferences for things, but he simply let it happen for now.

Because liking you could never be a mistake, he decided.

He calls out for you one day, his hands holding something you can't see yet. His eyes are wide open, his optics moving around frantically as he calls again. "Creator, please!" He calls, as you finally spot him, walking over as he looks at you with a worried expression. "Please- I don't know what to do. She flew against our window and probably has a concussion- you can help her, right?" He says, and you don't get curious as to why he immediately knows the birds gender and diagnosis; he can scan the tiny body, after all.

"Ah, come into the kitchen." You say, and he follows quickly, still delicately holding the tiny body in his palm, careful not to drop it. "Lets put her in a box and a nice quiet place, yeah? She'll recover on her own probably." You reassure him as he watches you place her in an old box without a lid. "Put her where you found her, okay? That way she'll know her way back easier." You tell him, and he nods, determined, as he walks back towards where he had found the bird.

Jungkook, in a way, was slowly changing nowadays.

He was a curious being, always eager to learn about the most mundane things. True to his purpose he picked up on things very easily; learning how to draw and paint very quickly. He had recently gotten interested in a video game you used to play before your work took over your time- and you loved seeing him have genuine fun with it.

He wasn't doing things anymore because they were asked of him. Or because they were an order.

He was developing hobbies, you'd noticed.

Of course you kept Jin updated about all of these things, and he had been happy to learn that his reboot was going well- joking around that he was glad he hadn't killed you in your sleep yet. And while, at first, you were quite wary of him walking around the apartment, nowadays, you couldn't imagine Jungkook even hurting a fly.

Just like with that tiny bird.

He was a gentle soul, simply a bit clumsy sometimes- apologizing over and over after breaking your alarm clock once, the alarm setting off another one of his 'episodes'- moments of flashbacks he got from his past purpose in war. You had reassured him and had let him watch as you fixed it again, praising him along when he gave you the right tools.

Praise. That was something he seeked as well.

And it wasn't just that he wanted aknowledgement of his own achievements. It was more your attention that he wanted. He wanted to be around you whenever possible, even sometimes dancing around the topic of maybe sharing a bed one day- but he had also been wary of hurting you in your sleep, by rolling over or something alike.

Always so thoughtful.

But he would be able to hold you that day; when you had complained about being tired, he had suggested a nap to you. Instantly taking on that chance, you laid down, rolling over as he was still on the couch with you, already having laid down prior. He was unsure at first where to put his hands, until he decided to just go for the common human way of affection; holding you close.

And he made a note inside his system, that he truly deeply enjoyed the feeling.

He finds you on the couch, crying, after an argument on the phone. That in itself isn't the issue he's having, however- it's the sudden wave of protectiveness rolling over him, drowning his senses as he walks over to you, his orange glowing eyes now scanning your form. "What did he do?" He asks, knowing that it was a former partner of yours, constantly calling you asking for money. It's a bad habit of yours that you can't seem to say no; and now that you did for once, he had bitten your ear off with bad remarks and names you'd rather not repeat. "I'll hurt him, just say the word. He needs to feel the same pain you do-" He's shaking a little, you can see it now; his hands unsure where to place themselves, his eyes watching over you, his breathing a little faster. He starts again, and you put a hand on his shoulder to stop his words.

“Jungkook no, he didn’t hurt me in like, a physical way.” You tried to explain, tears now forgotten as you try to calm the Android on your couch down- still absolutely terrified by your state. “I’m gonna be fine.” You say, but he doesn’t seem convinced. Or is it something else?

“But why am I hurting?” He asks suddenly, and your eyes widen. Well, why was he? Technically he was capable of understanding emotions, that wasn’t shocking. What was confusing to you however was just how he was able to share your pain. And it was obvious he did; the way his eyes glistened and his body shivered, overwhelmed by whatever was happening. “Why does it hurt to see you hurt?” He almost whispers, lost with the situation.

Jungkook was indeed a very weird android- you’ve noticed that long ago already. He was emotional, sometimes moody, and slowly began to develop an actual personality the more he was living with you.

Something his model shouldn’t be capable of.

And maybe that should scare you- maybe that should worry you, maybe you should call up support for answers, but you don’t. You do what’s best for yourself and what you think is best for him in that moment; you lean forward, and wrap your arms around him. And it doesn’t feel at all like an android you’re hugging in that moment, because an android wouldn’t cry with you. An android wouldn’t hold you like this, wouldn’t tremble in your hold like this. It makes it easy to forget that Jungkook isn’t human.

And that in itself is absolutely dangerous.

Somehow, his system had bypassed the blockade to his emotional capacities.

He had noticed it ever since you had been out to restock groceries by yourself, but he had been a little unsure back then. He now knows, for sure, that something had happened.

It was confusing, to say the least.

So many things were somehow suddenly starting to fall into place for him; his favoritism to being close to you, or his system failing whenever you weren't nearby. It also makes sense that he's standing right in front of your bedroom door that night, knocking as you open it. He feels a weird sense of protectiveness seeing you tired and vulnerable like that, and he sits down on the side of the bed where you join him. "Is everything okay?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

Nothing is okay, everything is confusing, and he's unsure what to quite think of all of this. "I feel.. confused. Scared. There's.. fear, in me, boiling up and interrupting my thoughts." He explains, and you nod.

"Feeling is scary, huh?" You ask, as he looks at you.

"How do you do it?" He asks, and you lean your head a bit to the side in question. "There's.. so much of it. How do you.. separate it, keep it in order? Its all over the place, and it's.. so distracting. Its so overwhelming- I can't seem to calm down." He mumbles, serious face turning frustrated as his fingers play with the fabric of his pants.

"We don't." You say. He looks at you for a moment, before you continue. "We just.. let it run through us, I guess. If you don't, it'll make you sick after a while. " You say, and he looks at you.

"But.." He starts. "I fear I might start to display reactions a male android model isn't supposed to openly display." He almost whispers.

"You don't have to openly do it." You reassure him, placing a hand on his shoulder, before moving a bit, body facing him as you open your arms. "It's just me; and I won't judge. You can be whoever you want with me, Jungkook." You say, and he lays down next to you in your arms, momentarily enjoying the quietness and closeness of the affectionate gesture.

"There are no bad feelings, Jungkook." You tell him, and he listens, as he lets them run through him, just like you told him. The sadness, the comfort of your body against his, the.. adoration he feels towards you. Everything, even though it hurts him, physically, something he only ever thought was a artistic way of describing emotions. "There are only wrong actions." You say. "If you feel the need to cry, cry. If you're angry, scream, shout, or find something to channel that into. But if you bottle it up-" You say, "they will lead to mistakes. They will bring pain, and they will bring remorse."

His voice is strained as he talks. "But how do I know when to act on them, and when not to?" He says, and you chuckle.

"You'll learn, Jungkook." You reassure him. "You'll learn."

And he nods against your shoulder, before you can feel him shake a little less, quiet sobs racking through his body until his exhausted body falls asleep to charge.

"Remarkable." Jin comments, as he watches the lines and lines of codes. "He has started to self-code his own system. He's quite literally learning." He says. "All by himself. This is amazing." He says, before he disconnects Jungkook.

"He's still a bit jumpy sometimes, and the microwave is still his worst enemy-" You say, as Jungkook reboots again, eyes slowly focusing as they start to glow again. "But he really is amazing." You say, and Jungkook beams at that, proudly smiling.

It's rare for an android to display such emotions, and he's still often very much void of any clear visual feedback in terms of facial expressions- but he's learning, and he's evolving, growing, in a way. Seokjin closes the panel on the back of Jungkooks neck, as the android stands up to walk closer to you. "Jungkook." Jin says, and the android turns towards the young man. "Do you look after her well?" He asks, and Jungkook nods. "Make sure she stays hydrated during the day, yeah? I highly doubt she's told you she struggles with that." He says, and you whine, as Jungkooks head whips around, eyes scanning your body as he furrows his brows.

"Creator, you need to drink at least 2.5 Liters of water per day. It's vital for your health, which is already very delicate." He says, and you glare at Jin for telling him anything about that.

"I'm fine- and also, please don't call me creator. I'm not anything like that." You say, picking up the walking puppy-robot as Jungkook nods.

"What should I call you then?" He asks, and Jin perks up.

"Call her baby!"

"Jin NO-!"

"No matter what she tells you-" Jin says, holding Jungkooks shoulders as he looks at him seriously. "She likes it." He says, and Jungkook, serious as ever, nods, noting it down, as you groan.

"I hate you both!" You say, and Jungkooks eyes widen.

"You.." He says, voice almost not heard over the laugh of Jin. "Hate me?" He asks, and you immediately regret your words. Jungkook still hasn't figured out sarcasm yet- the entire concept still a little too complicated for his system to grasp, so you walk closer to him, holding his cheeks in your hands.

"No no no, I don't, I could never-" You promise him, as he nods with already glossy eyes. "I just said it as a joke, okay?" You say, and he nods again, biting his lip a little before Jin clears his throat.

"I'll head off now." He says, already putting on his coat. "Thank you for letting me see him- it's really amazing to see him grow like that." He says, and you nod, giving him a short hug before he leaves.

And for some reason, Jungkook feels jealous, watching you so close to him.

Jungkook is in love with you.

He's come to that conclusion all by himself, and he's proud of it, but he's also very unsure about it. He has done a lot of research, scanned every source he could find and validate; and he has found a new interest in activities humans do in relationships to show their partner love and affection. He's not stupid, he knows what intimacy is, and is also aware that he's capable of doing these things with you; but he's also a little unsure, if you'd want that.

After all, there's nothing he could give you.

So one night, he stands in front of your door again, knocking, as you open it.

"Do you think.." He starts. "I'm capable of love?" He asks, and you look at him. "Because I think.. no, I am very sure I love you." He admits, and you get up, but there's no stopping him. "I don't know what it's like for you, but I have observed my newfound emotions, and there's a pattern I've detected; whenever I'm with you, around you, whenever you give me attention, or when you touch me, theres always the same emotions involved; there's this need to take care of you, to keep you safe, to be close." He rambles, and you listen to him as he talks, walking closer to you as his hands find your shoulders. "There's this.. urge, to partake in human intimacy with you. I want to.. show affection the common way, like kissing you, or holding you, things like that." Your cheeks grow a little red. "But I don't know if you are experiencing the same things. My research shows that.. that we could only do these things, if it's the same for you." He says, and then, almost as if hes whispering. "Is it?" He asks, and you struggle to answer. "Do you.. feel the same.?" He asks again, waiting for you to say anything at all.

You stay silent.

Its a sunday when a letter arrives at your home.

When you open it, there's several papers inside; Jungkooks personality tests, official papers that make it possible for him to leave on his own. When he reads them, he's serious, as he watches you smile at him.

"Jungkook, this is great, isn't it?" You say, trying hard to not let it show that you dread letting go of him. "You can finally get an apartment- maybe make something out of your talents, and earn a living. You're free to go now." You say, biting the inside of your cheek as he looks at you with wide eyes.

"But.." He starts, softly. "I'm yours." He states, and you shake your head, swallowing hard.

"Jungkook no.. you're you. No one owns you anymore." You say, and he suddenly shakes his head, throwing the papers in the kitchen sink as he walks towards you, his hands on your shoulders.

He looks at you, serious, as his optics focus on you. "You were the one who told me that every machine should be treated with respect." He states, as you look away from him, his hands shaking you a little as he tries to get your attention back on him. "You said even we androids have souls." He says.

"I did, but-" You start, but he cuts you off.

"And if we do, if we really do-" He speaks, his hands now holding your head, his face drenched in desperation. "Than it belongs to you." He states, and your eyes widen. "It's yours." He repeats. "If having it for myself means I have to leave you, I don't want it."

"I don't.. want to take advantage of you, Jungkook." You say. "You're.. everything is still new to you, I don't want you to regret this-" You start, and he leans down.

"I won't. I've run every possible scan I could, calculated every possible outcome, you know I can't lie to you. I could never regret this.." He says, as he leans down a little. "Can I..?" He asks, and you smile, jumping over your own shadow in a way, as you give him a nod. "I.. can you.. say it?" He asks. "Just once?"

You take his hands in yours, as you lean closer. "I love you, Jungkook." You say, and he gasps, his systems going absolute haywire in the best ways possible. He's again filled with emotions, but this time, they don't hurt; they make him feel light, as if he weighs nothing, they make him close his eyes because suddenly even the slightest light is too bright for his optics.

"Again." He asks, and you comply.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

He sighs, as his lips finally meet yours.

There's no magical fireworks or anything like that- but Jungkook decides that he doesn't need these things. The feeling itself, the emotions flooding his body are enough to outshine any beauty of reality itself. There's nothing he could ever compare to this, he decides.

He's unsure if Androids have instincts, but in that moment, for the first time, he doesn't care. This seems to be one of those situations to let his emotions run through him, lead him, show him what to do, he decides. His hands roam over your skin, ears catching every sound you make as he moves on autopilot it seems. He's letting go, he's finally doing something he really wants.

And it's all thanks to you- you've given him the chance to be himself.

You've given him the gift of feeling loved, as he finally comes as close to you as lovers ever could; entering you carefully, senses on high alert as he feels your walls around his length. He had been unsure of why pleasure seemed to be described as fun and intimate, but now he can relate to these claims fully. He's so full of love, so overwhelmed, that he simply rests his forehead on your naked shoulder, eyes closed as he simply lets himself feel. He doesn't care about his whines and groans, only focusing on you and your body, on the feedback every muscle sends to his systems, enjoying the way you make him feel.

Its truly magical, he notices.

He doesn't even notice his nor your orgasm at all, but it doesn't matter.

Because at the end of the night, he finally holds you close. Not like before, but this time, as lovers.

"I've given her exactly 0.26 milliliters of a 1 to 1 water and fruit sugar mixture every day at appropriate times." Jungkook seriously tells the vet, as he looks at the bird on the metal table.

"I see. Good job." He praises, before looking at you. "A warzone-type?" He asks, and you nod. "Barely noticable. I have one too, that's how I knew." He comments, before he turns to Jungkook again. "I'd say the bird simply likes your company, Jungkook. She just want's to stay with you That's why she comes back." He explains.

"Like me and Baby?" He asks, and you giggle at the nickname Jungkook keeps using.

"Yes, like you and her." Namjoon says, utterly entertained by you and Jungkook. "So I'd say let her be around. She's perfectly healthy, otherwise." He says, and Jungkook turns around, box in hand, as he smiles.

It's quiet that evening, sun slowly setting and drenching the walls of your shared apartment in a golden glow. Jungkook watches your sleeping form, leaned against him on the couch, as he simply remembers all of the things he's experienced because of you.

He truly is a machine capable of love.

Because you taught him how.

[niksfics]

↬ FATE

↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings

↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.

↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. ￫ It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩

WC | 2.5K

You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.

You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.

Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am

I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.

I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.

You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.

A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.

You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.

You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.

Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.

He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.

You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.

You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.

↝

You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.

When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.

Kozume ❤️

Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.

You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.

Yeah.

It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”

Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.

Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out

And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.

No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.

He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.

You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.

So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.

You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.

Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am

Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.

I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.

I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.

I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.

I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.

I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.

And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.

I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.

When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.

You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.

I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.

He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.

His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”

Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .

“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

SPOILERS AND ASSUMPTIONS FOR CAMPAIGN 1!

OKAY, let me start by categorising what spoilers I know as best I can, going (mostly) in chronological order AFAIK:

Clarota betrays them (VERY sad, when I first watched those first 10-ish episodes I was fully behind Keyleth’s ‘trust him’ train)

Vax loses a foot to lava and also his snake belt rip

Kima and Allura are the cool, trustworthy PCs, as is everyone’s favourite, Gilmore, a shopkeep with a black belt in karate

The dragonborn guy’s homeland gets dunked on and then later he dies offscreen

Percy’s sister is alive and betrays them but only kind of? I think? She was held captive by the Briarwoods for years and Percy thought she was dead, but she was blackmailed/brainwashed/tortured?

Vax gets cornered by the Briarwoods alone by accident (classic)

There’s a chick called Ripley who makes guns A Thing for the wider world

Something about a sun tree? It’s a creepy tree? They hallucinate their own corpses on it? Or something?

They probably kill one of the hottie vampires at the end of Percy’s arc, I think the male one? Because the lady vampire shows up later?

Percy dies in his arc and it’s the second res ritual they do, after Pike’s one pre-stream

“Take off the mask, darling.” I still don’t care about romance but I feel obligated to mention that I know that famous line

I also know the equally famous “I thought he’d never leave” bubble bath bit, ah Laura

There’s a CHROMA CONCLAVE attack right at the end of Percy’s arc, somewhere

Rashian is a dragon or something, everyone laughs at Liam for not knowing this. I know nothing else about who the Chroma conclave is (3-5 chromatic dragons??? One of each colour????) or what they want, except Vax levels up in the middle of fighting one and Keyleth yells at one

There are communication earrings. There is also a weird black powder man. Victor?

They actually have a permanent home/keep unlike the Mighty Nein?

Vex dies because Percy didn’t check for traps, this is the start of some deal of Vax’s with the Raven Queen which means he multiclasses into paladin?

Vax can fly, he can fly, he can fly!

Uhhhh there’s a couple cursed swords or something in there lol

Percy sells his soul briefly? Genius move Smart Guy lmao

Feywild??? Somehow????? They meet Artagan and make a deal with him for a doorway, and they spend an episode as cows somewhere in here?

Keyleth has Mom Trauma, I don’t know how much this will feature in the campaign

Vax and Vex’s dad suxxx or something, mother is dead

Scanlan hits on his surprise daughter and everyone screams

They have some kind of year long adventuring group break for some reason?

Keyleth makes a storm on an airship (???) and this is cool. Also she turns into a fire elemental a lot and this is also cool.

There’s a kraken fight? It goes really badly, like LEGENDARILY badly, and ngl I’m kind of looking forward to it

Scanlan #LOSESIT and has his legendary ‘what’s my mother’s name?’ rant, after which he leaves for an undetermined number of episodes and is replaced by Tary

This leads to Grog spelling C-A-T for some reason and this???? Makes people cry???????? Truly something you had to be there for

Pike tries to commission drawings of VM for Tary (who calls Vex “little elf girl” and braces for impact when Laura’s nostrils flare) and this goes Very Wrong in a funny way

Tary’s dad sucks

He writes a book

Some NPC reads said book in campaign 2, hence why I know about it

Grog has an arc to do with the other Goliaths who beat him up for defending Pike’s dad?

When Scanlan comes back he tries to sneak in, Vex chases him and he panics and casts modify memory on Vex, it fails several times, an angsty moment becomes comedic very fast

He is received with Mixed Emotions lmao

Keyleth turns into a goldfish and kills herself, this is both apparently extremely painful and extremely funny

Vax gets disintegrated and dies in a beholder fight (rip)

Gilmore is not a dragon but everyone was fully convinced he was. He also gets bodysnatched or something at some point to freak out VM, but they figure out very quickly it’s not him

Scanlan is Ioun’s chosen? Whatever that means, something to help fight Vecna I think

“It was an honour knowing you” sad! Sad! Sad line! Gilmore doesn’t understand, cheekily responds, and leaves!!!! Liam looks on the verge of tears!!!!!! SAD!!!!!

There are so many true love nat 20s. I don’t know what any of them are except that Pike has one and Ashley looks like she’s about to cry

They win the Vecna fight and Keyleth gets the HDYWDT, Scanlan wanted to save a Wish spell for Vax but couldn’t, so he stays dead

Everyone cries here but at least the rest of the party is okay

Keyleth is the last woman standing and everyone cries at this too

And then Grog uses the deck of many things, spawning two oneshots to clean up his mess

Also somewhere in here Vex steals a broom from a guest (lol)

Assumptions!!!!!

More tears than campaign 2 I think, since there are at least two resurrection rituals we see on screen that I know of

The fights might be more stressful since they’re higher level?

Scanlan is going to be the most sexual and lewd character because he is played by Sam

Vex is going to be the second most sexual and lewd character because she is played by Laura

Vax will still instigate most of the one-on-ones so Liam can have as many heavy conversations as his theatre kid’s heart desires

Keyleth will try and fail to make the group more moral

Pike will not try to be moral at all despite being four feet of blessed armour and adorable hair

I think other characters try to make Percy feel remorse for Murder Reasons, but I suspect he’s not going to feel that guilty (I will likely support him in murderous endeavours unless they are FAR more messed up than I currently believe)

From what I understand Grog is Loveable but not hugely layered or complex, and I know Travis was proud he didn’t cry this campaign. I suspect I may be surprised at the character depth Travis gives him, however.

Keyleth also thinks the gods are overrated and I AGREE

Percy is three feral and eldritch raccoons in a trench coat, held together only by sheer force of will and the fragile shell of a posh accent. No one notices because it’s a really cool accent.

There will be a lot more money/shopping/drinking elements than in campaign 2, since I know Vex is a haggler, Percy is a Lord, and Keyleth is a day-drinker? As are Grog and Scanlan

It will be funny for me to see Taliesin play a smart character and Travis a dumb one, though I know that the whiplash went the other way for most people lmao

Vox Machina will be less team-heavy than the Mighty Nein? I gather they’re more of an ‘individual hero’ makeup than an ‘everyone has support abilities’ makeup

It will be more fast-paced than campaign 2? It seems like a lot of the arcs lead directly into each other, with only the occasional shopping episode break

It feels like it might be less friendship heavy than the Mighty Nein? Like they seem more like ‘we’d die for each other’ pals who otherwise spend all their time trying to draw dicks on each other’s faces

They have a more clear “party leader” than the Mighty Nein, who might be Percy and/or Keyleth

I think most PCs and NPCs are more morally clear cut than in campaign 2, like most towns and people in positions of power are either “cool guy who can pitch in” or “get rid of this abomination immediately” territory

I think my favourite character will be Vex, Percy or Keyleth. I just feel it in my bones. 

I think I may also get an extreme soft spot for Grog and Pike, however

My main sources of surprise will be, I think, how things fit together? Like I have no idea WHY they’re in the Feywild, or most other places really, or what any villains’ motivations and backstories and personality traits are, and how they end up fighting any of them in any particular place for any particular reason. I don’t even really know characters’ abilities or literally anything done in any of the fights, aside from “they win/nearly die” and “Scanlan uses Wish and Bigby’s Hand against Vecna”

I assume most plot threads all lead into each other fairly solidly and that they don’t actually seek most of their stuff out?

This assumption will either be fairly right or hilariously wrong, but -- I assume that I already know almost everything important or shocking? I tried really hard to avoid it but being active in campaign 2 meant that over time I got exposed to more and more of campaign 1, and I genuinely believe that I have almost everything down, if not details or order. I don’t think I’ve missed any big moment or impactful arc

Let’s see if I’m right

[cherriesfineline]

Au Pair – Chapter I

It's finally here – I'm sorry this took so long, this past few weeks have been a mess but here it is, our first chapter for the Au Pair series; I kinda hate this, ngl- I always hate first chapters, a lot of introductory info and bla bla but yeah.

In the weird case you happen to enjoy this and want to be added into the taglist (starting next chapter) you can request it here.

Feedback, likes or reblogs are so, so appreciated! I'm very much new to the whole writing world so yeah it'd be really helpful to hear your thoughts about this <3

Love you all, have a wonderful week beauties!

Warnings: none specifically for this chapter – age gap.

WC: 6.6k

Masterlist

Y/N was tired, to say the least.

And it wasn’t the tiredness she used to feel after a long work shift at her previous job -where her boss was an old, grumpy lady with horrible manners- or the exhaustion felt after spending hours crying due to a fight with her mother. No, this was different. It was a tiredness she couldn’t get rid of; a tiredness no lavender smelling bath or hours upon hours of sleep could amend.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment her brain shifted in such a drastic way. Y/N could easily recognize and admit her life had never been an exciting one; a memorable one. Ever since she was a little girl it all seemed to fly by; graduations, birthdays, friendships – nothing ever seemed to leave an impact and nothing ever seemed as exciting as everyone else put it to be. She knew she struggled with allowing herself to enjoy things, but this far her life had been pretty average.

Maybe it was the fact that she was 22 years old and never been in a real relationship what skyrocketed her fear of dying alone. Now, she knew it might seem exaggerated – 22 years wasn’t a long life at all, but the pungent emptiness she’d been feeling felt like her inevitable destiny – like that’s how life was supposed to be for her.

England felt different, though. But in all honesty, her emotions hadn’t had switched into completely different ones like she’d expected to happen when she applied for this job as an Au Pair all the way back in February.

With a steaming hot cup of coffee between her cold hands, she sat down next to Coco (a very soft grey Scottish Fold) on the giant couch of her new home, scratching in between his tiny ears earning a low purr in response. Coco had become one of her closest friends so far, along with Anya, a three year old girl with cute blonde locks and a laugh so contagious it made the muscles on your cheeks ache after a long playdate.

Maybe moving away wasn’t the smartest choice. It actually might be one of the stupidest choices she had ever made, actually – moving all the way across the globe when she cried herself to sleep most nights due to her loneliness overcoming her (almost inexistent) self-awareness. Y/N liked to believe she had a wide understanding of her emotions, but it was a blatant lie.

At least she was distracted for most of the day – taking care of two kids and looking after a teenager wasn’t an easy task. It required a lot of mental presence; but by the time she was in bed at night, it all hit back again. She thought maybe this is how life is supposed to be for her, lonely – maybe it was not her brain playing her tricks but her brain making her see how her life truly was.

It’d been two weeks since the Lockehold family picked Y/N up from the airport, and on one side getting physically adjusted to this new life hadn't been as rough as she thought it’d be. She did have it easy, if she had to admit – a big room in a giant, beautiful home and a car to her disposal. Emotionally, on the other side, life was still the same.

She knew the moment she heard heels hitting the cold marble staircase Bella was on her way down with Ivy, the eldest of the three sisters, following close behind, complaining about a hangout she was apparently going to miss because they “are expecting a guest” as Bella announced, meaning neither of her parents could drive her. That’s how Y/N found herself sitting in her (borrowed) blue Jeep Renegade driving Ivy to her friend Lily’s house – who lived in the same rich, over-the-top neighborhood as her guest family, which meant the ride to and back was no longer than twenty minutes. During those minutes together, though, Y/N could physically feel the irritation running through Ivy’s blood because first, she still wasn’t too fond of Y/N because she is 16 and doesn’t need a babysitter -her words, not Y/N’s- and second, Y/N is still not accustomed to driving on the other side of the road.

Technically, Y/N had the weekends off. Living with the same people who employed her gladly didn’t mean working 24/7, but she hoped she could earn a couple of points in her favor if she took her free time to drive her around.

After a short conversation between the two (where Ivy refused to save Y/N’s number in case an emergency came up because she could always call her dad), Y/N dropped her off and drove back to the Lockehold’s. What caught her off guard, was the sight of someone in the driveway at the house next door getting suitcases out of the trunk of a black cab – there hadn’t been any movement in the old Victorian mansion since she’d moved in next door. A man, definitely very tall, dressed in a dark suit is all Y/N could decipher since it was already dark outside and she had to strictly concentrate on not switching to the opposite side of the road out of habit.

Alex was coming down the stairs when Y/N locked the front door – Bella’s husband was a very handsome man for his age, probably anyone could admit it. He was kind of scary sometimes, but was a true sweetheart on the inside; he’s in his mid-40’s and it was clear as day his family meant everything to him, he even treated Y/N like his own daughter, always making sure she’s comfortable and inviting her to most family hangouts – even though Y/N declined pretty often to allow them to have quality time as a family (and because being too socially involved drained her, but they needn’t have to know that)

“You wanna join us for dinner? We have a guest tonight. A family friend.”

“Oh, no, I'm good, you guys enjoy yourselves. I’ll say hello, though.” Y/N replied with a smile; and as before mentioned, even though she had the weekends to herself, they still loved to insist on her joining them for fancy dinners and whatnot. The Lockehold’s loved being hostesses, loved having people around (from what Y/N learned this past two weeks) but she really wanted -and needed- some time for herself after being with them the entire week, and even though she loved hanging out with them, she just wasn’t in the mood tonight.

“You sure? Bella made homemade pasta, from scratch. Her specialty.” Mouthwatering, Y/N thought. Bella was such an amazing cook, and even though she worked hours upon hours every day, she still came to her husband and kids in time to make dinner every night, not missing a single day.

“Sounds delicious, but I think I’ll pass, I’m just really tired.” And before anyone could make another comment, the loud bell ringing through the main floor of the house startled Y/N as it’s louder than ordinary – and sounded kind of old and creepy, in her opinion. By the time the constant thud in her chest lowered to a normal speed, she could recognize Bella’s voice in the foyer, meaning she was the one who received their guest, with a deep voice following after saying 'thank you for having me'.

"He's here!" Alex clasped his hands together, a wide smile appearing in his face. Y/N followed him into the living room where Bella was already chatting animatedly with a man; tall and with broad shoulders (but not excessively; just the right amount) his figure was leaning slightly forward as he listened to Bella rambling about all the 'good things he had missed while he was away'. His hands were clasped on his back and when he lifted his head, he made direct eye contact with Y/N without even having to search for her eyes. His brown curls were perfectly placed on top of his head looking extremely soft, and when he ran his hand through it Y/N couldn’t help but swallow harshly. He undoubtedly looked like someone who belonged in Hollywood next to a young Leo DiCaprio and he was definitely older than Y/N – probably already in his 30's, she guessed, but ageing like the finest wine. He had the softest looking wrinkles in the corners of his eyes – those eyes, forest green; reminded Y/N of what used to be home for her. His intense gaze held a lot of emotion, a lot of thought, unlike his face, that appeared stiff and cold, with a slight crease between his brows. His pink, heart-shaped lips were pressed in a line, a cute mole adorning one side of his chin.

"Harry! It's so good to see you, we've missed you." Alex's excitement forced him to drift his gaze away from Y/N, leaving her like a heated teenager salivating for him. Y/N honestly thought he might had left her speechless and most likely with increasing probabilities to make a fool out of herself if someone needed her to talk, as she was certain she wouldn't be able to formulate any coherent sentences.

Harry. It totally suited him, Y/N repeated his name a couple of times inside her head to check on its pronunciation. Alex reached him and pulled him in a big hug, patting each other's back, and Harry's lips broke into a huge smile making a line of pearly white teeth appear. And dimples. God, he had dimples.

This is how I die, Y/N thought.

"So good to see you, Alex." If sex was a sound, his voice would definitely be it.

"Your skin is glowing, Harry. Italy always does you wonders." Bella gushed. And she was right – his skin had this beautiful golden undertone, but it looked natural and radiant, almost like the sun itself kissed and caressed his skin with the softest touches. Alex snapped Y/N into reality when he turned to face her and grabbed her hand to pull her closer to them, starting a long introduction no one was paying much attention to, explaining how he’d missed her arrival, like he even cared, and how she was the Au Pair they’d all been talking about ever since February. It wasn’t until Alex mentioned something about Y/N and Harry probably seeing each other a lot she was suddenly interested in what was actually going on.

“He owns the school the girl’s attend.” Alex directed towards her. Now, Y/N assumed the moment she laid eyes on him he was probably rich – who wears a suit to a Sunday dinner with friends? Rich people are weird, that’s something we can all agree on; but owning a school which’s monthly fees per kid were worth three of her salaries? That was quite unexpected.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry." Y/N offered him her hand, trying to sound as casual as possible, even if her skin felt like it was burning under his intense gaze and her eyes were definitely betraying her.

"The pleasure’s all mine, Y/N." He shook her hand. His strong hold sent shivers down her spine; the cold rings making a big contrast against the heat his hand radiated and she couldn't help but fantasize about how his touch would feel in some other places.

The sudden embarrassment feeling hot against her cheeks made her turn around impossibly faster, feeling guilty at the dirty thoughts consuming her brain while around her bosses – and in front of him. Making a beeline straight to her room, announcing she was calling it a night, she sent Harry a quick -but quite charming- smile, and couldn’t help but soften at the sound of Anya running down the stairs yelling an excited ‘Harryyyy’ once she was past the kitchen.

She knew she got lucky with her commodities – an entire studio-like apartment past the main kitchen of the house, where the servant’s area used to be located a handful of decades ago; but she cussed in a whisper when she remembered half way through her making of a sandwich (four hours after she’d retreated to her bedroom and because she decided on skipping dinner that night, not having enough energy to cook) that her lazy ass still hadn’t bought mayonnaise. Her small kitchen had enough space to hold her snacks, along with some ingredients to make a few meals, since she only had to worry about food on the weekends. Reluctantly, she took the small plate holding her sandwich and made her way towards the main kitchen. There was no way in hell she’d eat a sandwich with no mayo – never in a million years, too dry to go down her throat.

I guess they won't mind if I grab just enough to put on my sandwich, she thought. The house was quiet, everyone probably already in bed, therefore she almost pissed herself when she found Harry sitting in one of the kitchen stools, looking down at his phone with an annoyed expression adorning his face. Almost as if he could sense someone was in the same room, he looked up to find Y/N standing at the kitchen threshold, his face abandoning any sort of emotion.

"Hey."

"Hi." Y/N walked towards the fridge on the far right of the kitchen, opposite from where she came in. "Sorry, I thought no one was here."

"Don't worry, just waiting for Bella and Alex to come back down to have some tea, they're putting the girls to sleep. Would you like to join us?" He offered. And honestly, she'd love to say yes and just listen to him talk with that deep, melodic voice, but her stomach was really hating her right now.

"I'm good, just grabbing some mayo. Thank you, though." She declined with a small smile.

"Next time." He sounded more demanding than suggesting, which slightly baffled Y/N. "Can I ask where you are from?" He asked respectfully.

"A small town in the Argentine Patagonia." Y/N replied with her back facing him as she busied herself with the mayonnaise container.

"Never been to Argentina. Or anywhere in South America, actually." And when Y/N turned around, sandwich in hand ready to go back to her room, their eyes met across the kitchen and she felt the heat creeping up her neck for the second time that night. Y/N wondered how his gaze was always this intense – she wasn’t a fan of how they’d barely exchanged a few words and somehow she felt so exposed.

"You should. It's beautiful." She almost, almost, choked on her own words and when she looked down at her fuzzy pink socks and back to him to try and calm her growing nerves down, he surprised her when she caught him looking up and down her body – in any other case she definitely would’ve felt creeped out, but there was something about him, the fact that he definitely didn’t do it with the intention of her catching him (she noticed how he shifted uncomfortably on his seat after the exchange) and how he simply added a “I’m sure it is," afterwards, she knew she was fucked right then and there – she wanted him looking at her. Was that something bad?

But then – then she remembered how she was wearing her soft cotton pajamas, and she began wondering if he was just laughing internally at her outfit instead of checking her out like she initially thought. And just like a save from heaven, Bella and Alex appeared in the kitchen discussing who was picking Ivy up from her friend's house. "Hi Y/N, still awake?"

"Yeah, got hungry. Stole a bit of mayo, hope you don't mind." She shyly held the plate up.

"Please, this is your house too." Alex waved her off.

"Thanks. Gonna go back now." Y/N pointed towards the small hallway that led to her room. "Goodnight." Turning her body to walk away, she caught Harry's eyes, again, still staring at her, but decided on simply walking away, breaking eye contact, making that small interaction their last one for the night.

&

The following week consisted of Anya and Y/N playing lots of fun games, trying to get a word out of Charlie and Ivy ignoring her for the most part. Her relationship with each of them was completely different, each trusting her at their own peace, getting used to having a stranger around. Anya seemed the only one openly excited to hang out with Y/N every day, and even though she could tell Charlie didn't exactly mind her presence, she still hadn't talked to her as much as she'd like her to.

"What are you up to, Charlie?" Y/N asked the seven year old as she sat next to her in the big playroom they had on the main floor. Charlie kept her gaze locked on her drawing with a handful of crayons on her right hand as she drew with her left. "You're left handed? That's so cool!" Bella had mentioned some time ago that Charlie had a really hard time letting people in, Y/N knew it'd take some time for her to see her as a friend -like she wanted her to- rather than someone who gets paid to hang out with her, but Bella confessed Charlie was actually really excited to meet Y/N, which felt like a small relief, knowing she actually wanted her there – unlike Ivy. Charlie spoke only when necessary and struggled with making friends but her psych pedagogue said she's just really shy and that ‘once she breaks out of her shell, she's unstoppable’. "I love the birds you drew here." Y/N pointed at some small birds sitting in a tree branch.

"Bluebirds." She murmured.

Getting a single word from her was considered progress, in Y/N’s opinion, but that’s all she got for the entire afternoon – even after constantly sending comments her way while playing with Anya so Charlie wouldn’t feel left out, not a single word came out of her mouth. Anya mentioned Harry at some point while talking about her favorite doll (which Harry had gifted her for her 3rd birthday) and the flash of captivating green eyes almost blinded her internally (she couldn’t deny she’d thought about Harry every once in a while this past week)

And it wasn’t until later that same day, after spending a long while sitting alone in a nearby park, she got the chance to see him again – even if he had scared her (almost) to death, she couldn’t help but feel an annoying flutter in her stomach.

She would like to say she loved her long walks during the most unreasonable times at night, but her reasoning behind her late night needs of distraction didn’t exactly thrill her. It was during the quietest and most peaceful times of the day when her mind seemed to speed faster than ever before; the sleepless nights and brain-wrecking thinking of how alone and empty she actually felt, along with the laziness and reluctance when it came to things that used to make her happy weighed her down like carrying a sack of potatoes on her back.

As she was walking past her neighbor's house (the one where she had seen that man with the suitcases last week) she noticed someone sitting on the large porch. Weird, she thought. She hadn't noticed any movement in the house since that night a week ago, to the point she even considered it being empty again. The silhouette seemed oddly familiar though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

"Y/N." She slightly jumped as she heard them call for her, in a strong and deep accent. Was that...

"Harry?" She asked befuddled. Did he live there? She watched as he stood up from his sitting position on the outdoor couch and walked across his front yard to take a closer look at him stopping at the bottom of the short staircase that leads to the porch. "What are you doing up so late?" And then something clicked in her brain – he was probably the man she saw that night, with his suitcases. It made sense, how he probably got home from vacation the same day he had dinner at the Lockehold's – the same day Bella mentioned something about him being in Italy

"Can't sleep." He simply replied, with a small sigh. He then nodded to the seat behind him, and Y/N could physically feel her brain going a thousand miles per minute. She sat on the far left of the couch as he retook his seat on the right, "what are you doing up so late?" He repeated her question.

And Y/N repeated his answer. "Can't sleep."

So they sat in silence, what felt like hours barely being a few seconds. "Didn't know you lived next door." Y/N took the time to take in his side profile - sharp and long nose, the tip curving slightly downwards when he spoke the next line.

"Never mentioned it." He replied apathetically. The unexpected switch in his tone made her immediately shut up, and even though it confused Y/N as to why he would want her joining him if he didn't want to talk, she was dreading going back to her room alone to drown in her thoughts again. She'd take uncomfortable company over being alone when her head got like this, it helped her get distracted; overthinking this situation instead of the same scenarios that constantly lived in her head.

They again sat in silence for a while, this time for longer than a few minutes, and even though it was slightly uncomfortable, there was an unspoken understanding between them. He just wanted company, and so did she. This time, however, it was him who tried for conversation. "Why did you choose England for your Au Pair program?"

"I was actually convinced I was going to choose France," Y/N shared with a soft tone, "but when I met the girls in one of my interviews I just knew I had to come here. Anya was so excited about meeting me, she thought it was already settled." She ended with a small smile on her lips. The memory of Anya smiling happily at her through the computer screen even when she hadn't had met her yet warming her heart.

It was true, the fact that she’d chosen England because of the girls. She wanted to learn French – she knew her way around the English language pretty well; but the French family whom interviewed her didn’t come close to the Lockehold’s at all – she thought maybe the experience of living in a whole different continent with a wonderful family was better than choosing a place because of the language – the experience was being experienced either way.

"Anya is a very special kid. They all are." Harry declared, the left corner of his mouth turning upwards in a small half smile.

Y/N nodded slowly before asking, "How long have you known them?" She could recall Alex saying he was a family friend – but she had no other information about him besides that.

"A while." The small conversation went for a long while, he shared the real reason as to why he was awake so late, explaining how he has struggled with falling asleep ever since he was young, but besides that comment, he kept his life very private; not sharing much information about himself during their chat, and every time Y/N reciprocated a question, he would either answer vaguely or didn't answer at all, changing the subject with another question. "It's really late" He commented, Y/N’s phone reading 1:08am.

"Yeah, I should probably go to bed." She lifted her head to look at him, who was already searching for her eyes. Y/N cleared her throat when a few moments passed by, again, with no one speaking a word. She wondered what could possibly be going through his head at the time, but he nodded, got up and said, "I'll see you around, Y/N." Her name flowed so nicely out of his lips it made her knees get weak. Locking herself in her bedroom (after entering it by the door at the side of the house – which leaded straight to her room) she laid in bed trying to understand why they’d just hang out in his front porch way past midnight when they clearly didn’t know each other very well – or at all, better said.

&

First day of classes came by in a heartbeat. The first Monday of September Y/N found herself getting up earlier than she was accustomed to, since the girl's sleeping schedule was different during the summer. 6:15am read her alarm when she lazily threw the soft covers off her body. A quick shower and minimal makeup application later, she stood naked next to her bed checking the weather app, as to know how to prepare the girl's clothes.

After putting a soft pink sweater on and a pair of flared jeans, Y/N left the warmth of her room to wake the girls up. Going for Charlie first (since she didn't need any help changing into her uniform and Ivy used her own alarm) she didn't give Y/N any work at all, waking up immediately after softly calling her name once. Picking her uniform from her closet and leaving it for her to change, Y/N left Charlie’s room to walk towards the next door.

"Morning, Anya." She whispered as she brushed some of her hair out of her face. Anya’s little nose scrunched up and a soft whimper left her mouth as she switched positions, now laying on her side, "gotta wake up, love." Y/N shook her arm softly, and she finally opened her eyes, a tired smile creeping up her face as she noticed it was Y/N sitting next to her. Y/N left her to rub the tiredness off her eyes while she picked her clothes (since her daycare was at the same school her older sister's attended -Harry's school, Y/N couldn't help but think- her uniform consisted of only a white t-shirt with the school logo along with any pair of bottoms she chose for the day.

After picking up her cute small rain boots and help her get dressed up, Y/N did a cute hairstyle on her with the small butterfly hair clips she chose, and went back to Charlie's room to do her hair, Anya coming along.

They arrived at their school; a big, period-like brick building with hundreds of students roaming around and a beautiful fountain at the front – which actually made Y/N’s childhood look like a big joke; the school she had attended was located in the middle of the mountains in a remote field.

"I'll be here at two thirty. Good luck, girls, I'll see you later." Ivy walked away sending a 'mhm' her way to let her know she heard her, and Charlie offered a small smile along with a wave and walked away like her sister. Y/N took Anya off her car seat and helped her get out of the car, her tiny backpack sitting on Y/N’s right shoulder as she grabbed the hand Anya offered her.

"Mommy said I have the penguins' classroom!" She said with excitement as they walked through the doors at the right wing of the building.

"That's so cool! I love penguins, let's search for the door which has penguins on it, shall we?" Y/N suggested even though she could clearly see their door at the end of the hallway.

"Yes! This one has elephants," she pointed at the door they were passing, "look, butterflies!"

"Like your hairclips!" Y/N exclaimed, and she giggled nodding her head. "Ah! Look what we found..." Y/N pointed at the next door.

"Penguins!" She skipped towards the door, dragging Y/N along. They entered the big and colorful classroom where they found some kids crying in their parent’s arms, others being as excited as Anya.

"Hi there! Anya, am I correct?" A woman who appeared to be around Y/N’s age came up to them, scrunching down to be on Anya’s eye level. She nodded frantically, excitement dripping from her smile. "My name is Miss Pia, I'm going to be your teacher this year." She introduced herself, Anya gave her an even bigger smile and slyly asked if she could go meet her classmates, to which Miss Pia agreed, asking her to first hang her small backpack in the rack at the back of the room, taking it from my hands and running excitedly to do it.

"You must be Y/N, then?" Miss Pia asked, getting back up to her feet. She was short with blonde curly hair sitting high in a ponytail, rosy cheeks and a cute teacher apron on top of her regular clothes.

"I am." Y/N offered her hand.

"The administration office said we would be having an Au Pair this year, they always give us a heads up with situations like these." She explained, and Y/N nodded as she continued, "we have the parents, nannies or in this case, Au Pairs," they both laughed," stay for the introduction, you can leave afterwards."

"Perfect, I'll sit at the back with the rest of the parents." Y/N ended up staying for about half an hour, smiling at Anya every time she turned to search for her when something exciting seemed to be happening. She won't be needing any adaptation, as Miss Pia said, and she was dismissed right before they had their first trip to the playground outside, taking advantage of the fact that it hadn't started raining yet.

Right when Y/N was walking out of the building, she spotted Harry at the main entrance, reading something on his phone. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath, and he looked even more handsome in the daylight. She made her way towards him, walking up the marble stairs (marble stairs! In a school?), and when he noticed her, he put his phone away and slowly (and trying to be as discrete as possible – which he failed to, again) looked up and down her body. Something about him giving her his full attention made her insides burn, and she couldn’t help but bit her bottom lip to suppress a smile.

"Hi." She stopped in front of him, taking a moment to look at his eyes; they definitely looked a lot lighter now that there was natural light surrounding them.

"Hi." He repeated, "Dropped the girl's off?" He motioned towards the building with his head.

"Yes, just left Anya’s classroom." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Miss Pia?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes. She's nice, looks like she knows what she's doing." Y/N shrugged. She didn't exactly know her enough to have a conversation about her – and she most definitely couldn’t be one to talk, since she herself didn’t know what she was doing half of the time. “How’s the first day back been so far?” He got cut off from his next comment by his phone, and the small crease between his eyebrows grew deeper, which didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N. "I'll leave you to it." She announced, but his eyes found hers again, and it was almost like he was asking for her to not leave him to it, but Y/N didn’t trust her instincts, not with him – not when he made her so nervous her brain couldn’t process things around him, and she was scared of misreading his expressions; he was hard to read. Not like she was expert at reading people but he was frustratingly confusing.

&

They didn't see each other again until a week later on a Tuesday evening – the same day Charlie, Anya and her decided to go for a walk and treat themselves with ice cream from a cute shop across from (what had come to be) her favorite park, Harry and Y/N found each other's eyes across his front garden, just like that night, but this time it was easy for her to recognize him as she could see his face clear and glowing from the sunset shine. His eyes were glued to her until the fence that divided their houses blocked his view, and again, Y/N wondered what could be going through his head.

It wasn’t until after dinner, past her work hours, she decided to leave the house through the door on her room with the sparking curiosity to test if she would run into Harry. Stopping on the sidewalk in front of his house, she noticed he was not sitting outside, and even though that's exactly what she had expected -he was not going to sit there for hours and hours, right?- There still was a small feeling of disappointment that rushed through her, and when she snapped back into reality, it was too late to stop herself as she knocked on his front door.

And Y/N didn’t know where to hide – not like hiding would be less embarrassing but God she did hate herself that moment. The embarrassment running through her veins was painful and made her lightheaded – she knew she had trouble sometimes with not thinking things through, but this was beyond her. He barely knew her. And suddenly his door was wide open.

"Y/N?" Of course she was not lucky enough for him to be asleep and not hearing her knock – life would’ve been too in her favor for that to happen. Of course he was very awake with a half drank cup of tea in his hand and the softest looking pair of grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. "Are you ok? You look really pale." His voice was calm, probably the softest it'd ever been in her presence. At least he doesn't sound mad, Y/N thought.

Harry wanted to be confused, but he was more curious than anything else. For some reason, he felt very intrigued by Y/N – how she seemed confident but insanely insecure at the same time; it reminded him of himself, if he had to be honest. He just learned how to hide the latter.

"Uh, yeah- um, I was-" she nervously turned around halfway to look behind her and back at him again. He raised his eyebrows in curiosity and Y/N really tried her hardest not to step over her words. "I was about to go for a walk, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to join me?" Stupid. So, so stupid, Y/N thought.

"No, I'm good." He replied, finding oh-so-amusing the way her eyes gave her embarrassment away – he was having fun, watching her like a lost puppy trying to think through her next words.

Her mind was, of course, over speeding. She now felt even more embarrassed. Of course he doesn't want to go for a walk, Y/N conscience spoke to her, it's a Tuesday night and he's probably tired and I'm his friends' Au Pair – he probably thinks I'm this young and annoying girl who has a stupid crush and- "would you like to join me?" He interrupted her self-beating up raising his cup and she noticed the half smile adorning his face, almost like he could tell the wheels in her brain were fast-moving.

"Wouldn't want to interrupt-"

"You're not. I wouldn't have invited you in if you were. C'mon in, now. It's kinda cold out here." He disappeared inside of his house, leaving her on his porch with an open mouth and a blank brain. After closing the door behind her and taking her black vans off, she turned on her left as she guessed that was the way Harry went – and she knew she’d guessed correctly when she stepped into a big open-plan concept living room with a giant kitchen on the far back, Harry standing with his back towards her preparing her tea, "sugar?"

"No, thank you." She sat in one of the stools at the kitchen island as she took the scene in front of her. Her very cute (and much older), very hot neighbor Harry, in sweatpants and a very thin white shirt, a small patch of skin showing on his hip, making her tea. His shoulders were broad and she could see his back muscles moving as he poured steaming hot water into the cup, the little curls on his neck so inviting, if only she could run her hand through his soft looking hair just once-

"There you go. Cardamom." He snapped her out of her (probably inappropriate) thoughts, and she thanked him as she grabbed the cup from where he placed it; he stayed in his position standing in front of her on the other side of the island, with his forearms against the cold marble, sipping on his own mug, thinking about how strange it felt to have someone he wasn’t close with sitting in his kitchen after so long. "Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I figured. I couldn't either, looks like we both have a bit of sleeping issues, huh?" He sounded playful, but tired. Y/N knew exactly how it felt, being so tired but not being able to peacefully go to bed and get some needed rest.

"I remember you mentioning it before, I figured I'd check if you were up. Walking helps me relax, thought maybe you'd enjoy it too." OK, that wasn't entirely true but her reasoning to be there was quite similar – to check if he was up so they could, maybe, share a quiet night like that one a few weeks ago. None of them understood why they found such comfort in each other’s company – none of them felt like they needed to try too hard.

At some point during their conversation they moved to the couch, where they laid with a wide gap between their bodies. "Elton John's was definitely an interesting read. Lots of crazy anecdotes, you should read it."

"Probably not as good as Keith's, but I'll give it a go." He let a dimpled smile creep into his face, turning his head to look at her from across the couch and the annoying turn her stomach made obliged her to return it, just as bright as his. Finding out their music taste was quite similar made Y/N’s insides all warm and fuzzy, he showed her his vinyl collection (which was quite large) and ranted about how the modern industry was missing a rock star with some of that unexplainable essence old rock bands have – to which she respond saying maybe that something that makes them special was the fact that they were old bands... added to the fact that even though she was an old music lover, modern pop was her guilty pleasure.

Their third teacups were long forgotten on the modern coffee table by the time he noticed Y/N’s eyes were slowly beginning to close and he, as last time, said, "it's really late." And Y/N only nodded and tiredly got up from her position, with him following close behind.

"Goodnight, Harry. Thank you for having me even though I came unannounced." She shyly said, her actions still making her embarrassed even though it had already been a couple of hours.

"My pleasure. We should- do this again," He coughed into his hand, and uncomfortably continued, "I enjoy your company." That sentence alone made her heart explode with a thousand emotions, because even though they barely knew each other and it clearly pained him to admit he enjoyed having her around, his presence made her calm but anxious in a peculiar mixture of emotions. All she did in return was gift him a big smile, face hot of embarrassment (a nice kind of embarrassment, that feeling when you just want to smile really big and tightly hug whoever is making you feel that way) and slowly pushed herself up on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Bye." He said lastly, and closed his front door with red cheeks and dimples on display.

- Joey.

[chrolloctrl]

How would be the adult trio in love ?? I'm really looking forward to your writing 😳😳💖💖💖🙏😎

omg this is something i’ve been thinking about so long since i feel like some people REALLY don’t write the adultrio well when they are in love. of course they are all borderline psychotic but i do not think they are incapable of love. i said what i said anyways let me continue

im going to do this as a head canon if thats okay!! if you want me eventually develop a specific character into a one shot i definitely will:)

warnings: like some mention of blood and fighting, maybe a lil mention of sexual things, nothing too bad tho theres one really explicit blood/gore mention in hisokas but that is a very hisoka thing so i have decided to leave it there

first i’m doing illumi bc yall miss with illumi so hard

okay so

first of all, he was a definitely a child with an avoidant attachment style

basically when mummy was there he was annoyed, when mummy left he didn’t care or was probably happy, and when mummy came back he was annoyed once again

this child did not experience love as a child

not once

zip

zero

nada

so u have to be patient with him im sorry to say

but it isn’t impossible

i think when he’s in love, he doesn’t realize it

he thinks he’s just in a sort of...agreement with you

but im telling u right now.. small acts of kindness are his love language

like if u guys were in a fight together and there was blood on ur clothes he would wash them and lay them on ur bed

and then u would be like “ok u didn’t have to do that thats so nice”

and he’d be like “i dont know what ur talking about”

and walk away

or

he would see like a book or something u like and read it just because u liked it too

he wouldn’t tell u tho he would just randomly bring up something from the book 

and you would be like “oh u read it?” 

and he would be like “no why would u think that”

and you would be like “:|”

with illumi u just have to be patient, i think eventually he would catch himself making ur bed one day and he would be like “fuck”

and realize he might have a thing for u

but he wouldnt believe it bc he is oh so emotionless and does not feel one thing at all

but he does he is just a liar

i think he would make his first move when he accidentally lets out all the emotions hes been faking not having and like just cries wishing he were loved and ur like

“i love u though illumi, a lot”

and he would just kiss u and like hug ur for 3 hours and then make u not talk about it ever again but u guys would just be in love and killua would be kinda pressed but he’d be happy u were illumi’s gon <3

okay let’s do chrollo next im sorry illumi’s was so long 

alright

as u can tell i am in love with this man

and everyone always bashes me bc he has no screentime and a pretty basic anime antagonist backstory

but out of all of the adultrio i think he falls in love the easiest and with someone nobody expects

like he is a mass murderer and thief and ur like...a flower shop worker

he would just be walking in yorknew city and see u reading some obsecure ass russian literature while working at a flower shop and he’d be like “wait im intrigued”

then he would talk to u and u would be like

:D

but also calm and reserved

and he would love that, someone who just vibes not a worry in the world

but then as he gets to know u he realizes u r not just a body bag who vibes

u r a human with actual emotions

something he probably swears he doesnt have

he would tell the rest of the troupe that ur just like...an experiment

and they would all buy it EXCEPT machi

she would be like “omg boss ur in love”

and chrollo would be like “um i dont feel that sry to say”

and machi would be like “ya sure lol”

you have no idea who he is like no clue he is the lead spider

but okay omg this part is gonna be corny

you would like hehe sorry im laughing thinking ab this

walking around yorknew city and he would almost step on a spider and u would be like “no!!! be careful!!” and pick up the spider and lightly set it into the grass

and chrollo would be like “why would u do that spiders r scary...right” *looks into the camera like hes on the office*

and u would be like “no..even spiders have feelings u know”

and then he would just like absolutely lose it he’d maintain composure but on the inside he would be like dhdkhduwojhfw

then he would kiss u and then he would finally tell the troupe the truth and machi would be sooo smug 

oh and the troupe def likes u like that is a given

ur just so innocent and sweet its like impossible not to like u u make everyone put away their tough guy acts

and then ya u guys probably read to each other u weird fucks

but its cute and i love

alright now for probably the person who would take the longest to love someone 

i dont know if u have read hisokas backstory one shot but i will try to explain the best i can

hisoka was in circus. lead man of circus say hisoka talented. lead man train hisoka to use nen. hisoka learns nen very fast. oh no serial killer is on the loose. oh no girl in circus almost get killed by serial killer. hisoka save girl. hisoka accuse lead man of being serial killer. lead man say yes lol i am. hisoka say okay i want 2 fight. lead man say sure lol i will kill u. hisoka kill lead man and girl in circus wonders where hisoka and lead man went.

okay now that thats out of the way

the girls name was abaki and i think hisoka liked her ngl

but that was before u know he got all gassed by killing lead man

he definitely thinks similar to illumi in the way that u r just a pawn in his plans

but u r def super strong and he is shook

he probably wants to fight u

but he still doesnt think ur strong enough

u live ur own life separately from his so he doesnt know much ab what u do in ur free time

one day he catches u training with someone else

and he won’t say it but hes lowkey pissed af

hes like “um wtf why didnt u ask me to train u

and ur like “literally why would i ever do that”

and hes like “what u think i cant train”

and ur like “u can barely control ur bloodlust hisoka :|” 

hes like “yeah u know ur right i guess”

but he doesnt stop thinking ab it bc like why wouldnt u train with him

u decide to go on ur own lil mission and try to fight someone you’ve been wanting to fight for a while

you invite hisoka just to watch, you tell him you just want him to sit around this time since you always sit around and watch him

he expects u to get beat to a pulp ngl

but you like completely obliterate the other person

this is too niche but u have such a gory fighting style. like ur def batshit crazy in a fight and loose all composure 

hisoka is shook bc he did not expect u to go that crazy

u like bite the other dudes jugular and blood splatters every where

that was so gross but idk im into that weird shit sorry im tw’ing that

but hisoka is a weird mf so that def makes him horny for u

he like takes u back to ur house while ur covered in blood and theres a crazy look in ur eye still

and he realizes hes in love with u bc ur just as crazy as him

i feel like ur guys relationships spawns bc of how crazy u both are. u guys probably summon demons for fun

i feel like his love language is more i do for u what u do for me

like if u save his ass in a fight, he’ll watch a cheesy movie for u

its def a give and receive vibe but it works

or if he saves ur ass he makes u guys take a bath together

and ur like “this is so cheesy”

and hes like “um ur having fun tho right” *crickets* “yea thats what i thought”

muah gonna think ab this before i go to bed

alr i think i wrote WAYYY too much omg these are all so long i am so sorry, too many thought in brain keyboard go woosh

hope u liked it though <3

[tooweirdforyou]

Aight aight, here I am HAHA so I have this litol prompt that I've been wanting for someone to write it out 👉👈 it's totally your choice with how you want it to be, whether fluff or angst or whatever HAHA feel free to do what you want, but as always it's a prompt for Zoro! "Roronoa Zoro, the man who not even death could bring fear to, has found the one thing he feared the most: losing you." Really excited to see how you would write it out 💖 feel free to fix the grammar HAHAHA all the best 💖

Zoro Being Afraid to Lose Someone

a/n : this was so cute 🥺💚 I hope you like this! :))

ngl, particularly somewhat proud of this one- 😊👉🏼👈🏼

summary : In the midst of battle, Zoro sees you sacrificing yourself and his heart breaks, coming to a realization and soon lectures you afterwards. not good with summaries-

-

“How could you be so reckless?!”

Choosing to remain silent, you just take in all of his shouts and pent up frustration built because of you. You couldn’t blame him either.

Did you regret it though? Not for a damn second.

You would do it again in a heartbeat, and unfortunately, Zoro knew that too.

“I’m fine. I’m alive, right?”

Your nonchalant tone seemed to irritate Zoro further as you only thought back to the cause of you being hospitalized in the first place.

-

“These guys are starting to piss me off.”

Growling under his breath, Zoro swung his sword with his right hand once more with ease, before running down the street in hopes to lose the growing crowd of marines behind him.

“Zoro!” Hearing a voice, Zoro snaps his head to the right and sees you running towards him in shock. “What the hell is going on? How’d you attract the marines?! Where have you been?”

“I’ll explain later, just run!” Zoro shouts, grabbing your hand in his and picked up his pace, hearing the angry yells and protests of the marines.

“Oi! Get back here, pirate!”

“Look, there’s another one!”

���You’re not getting away from us!”

“Tch.” Zoro turns the corner when a few of the marines were rushing towards them from the front.

“Oi, Zoro, let’s get the others, they’re still in town.” You call, managing to catch up with him and match his pace.

“Who cares, they’ll find out that we’re caught soon enough, so let’s just keep going.” Zoro says, swinging his sword once more, successfully knocking back a wave of soldiers heading their way.

“Alright!” You nod as you pulled out their own weapon and succeeded in knocking out a few more.

However, you were soon trapped by the coast of the island, having no where to run since the marines were quickly surrounding you.

“Give it up, pirates, surrender!”

“We have you cornered now!”

Smirking, Zoro scoffs and pulls out his Wado Ichimonji and brought it up to his mouth. Clenching his teeth onto it, his hands gripped his other two swords tightly.

Bringing the hilts of his two swords in his hands together, he began spinning them.

“Three-Sword Style...”

You stepped back to allow Zoro to attack and just focused on taking out the others on the sidelines.

“Three-Thousand Worlds!”

Almost instantly, the cries of agony and pain was heard loud and clear from the marines as they all dropped to the ground, sword cuts all over their bodies.

However, after Zoro was successful in his attack, a few other marines thought it was best to attack from behind him, making you widen your eyes.

“Zoro!” You call out, kicking the marine in front of you to the ground as you jumped over towards him.

Zoro had observation haki. He already knew what those marines were going to do.

But he couldn’t have known you were going to jump in to protect him. It was already too late before he could stop himself.

An ear-piercing, shrill scream of pain filled the air. But it wasn’t from the marines. It was from you.

His eyes widened and his pupils shrank at the sight of you dropping to your knees. A long gash spread across your back and blood was dripping everywhere.

“[NAME]!”

He didn’t know how to react, as he quickly took the sword from his mouth and knelt down beside you, picking you up in his arms.

“[Name]! Hey! What the hell were you doing?!”

He was just shouting at you now, panic and worry filling his body and voice as he grips you tightly, shaking you a bit. “Hey, stay with me, damn it! Why did you do that?! What kind of idiot are you?!”

He could only insult you now, not knowing what else to do. The marines were nearing him now, but fortunately, the crew had shown up just in time.

“Zoro! [Name]!”

You weakly brought your hand up and grabbed onto his shirt, breathing shallow as you tried to ignore the burning pain forming from you trying to say awake.

“Z-Zoro.. I’m fine... are you.. okay?..”

“You stupid woman! Don’t talk! Chopper, where the hell are you?!”

He stood up with you in his arms, his clothes soaking up in your blood as Franky, Brook, Luffy and Robin took care of the marines.

“[NAME]!” Chopper shrieks in shock and panic, seeing the sight of your body and injuries as he ran over.

“What happened?!” Nami shouts, but Zoro ignored her.

“No time, let’s just get back to the ship and get her fixed up already!”

“R-Right!”

And then, you lost consciousness.

Looking down, Zoro clenches his jaw and struggled to even think properly, straining to keep calm.

He wasn’t about to fucking lose you.

-

Zoro couldn’t believe it.

Staring over at your unconscious body, he felt mixed emotions running through him.

Regret, worry, anger and most of all, confusion.

Sure, he was always worried for his crewmates when they were in danger, even swirly brows, but they could handle themselves.

He knew they were strong, just like you.

So why was it different now that it was you especially, the one who was hurt? Who was in pain and unconscious with fatal injuries?

Was it because he’s the one who did it? He was the cause of it?

Or was it because you were different?... because he felt something else when he’s with you?

Was he in love with you?

Exhaling heavily, he closed his eye and leaned his head back against the wall.

All he knew right now, was that he just wanted you to wake up. To be able to see your smile once more and relieve all of his stress.

He didn’t want to lose you. He couldn’t lose you.

You were his life and without you, he was as good as a dead. He didn’t feel complete without knowing that you were alive and well.

He could only hope. But even then, he was losing it.

-

It was nearly a week and a half before you finally woke up, pain spreading all over your body.

Everyone was sobbing when they found out and lunged at you which only caused more pain.

Fortunately, Chopper gave you some medicine to help subside the pain for a bit and forbid anyone to come in unless it was important.

However, Zoro was an exception, and now here he was, lecturing you.

“You know, I don’t regret what I did.” You state, turning away from him and let out a sigh.

“Of course you don’t, but what if something happened? What if Chopper couldn’t save you on time?”

Hearing how angry he was made you frown. You weren’t sure how you felt.

“You were being attacked, I wasn’t going to let you be hurt.” You defended but he scowls more. “So you were willing to sacrifice your own life over mine?”

“Of course.” You responded with no hesitation, nearly startling him but he remained stoic.

“Your life isn’t something to throw away so easily, you know.” He scoffs, shaking his head at you. “And what about you?” You retorted, raising a brow.

“I already gave up my life when I made my dream to become the world’s greatest swordsman a goal to accomplish.” He states, crossing his arms and you roll your eyes a bit.

“Look, Zoro, you’re overreacting, okay? I’m fine, I’m awake now and—“

“You dumbass, what if I fucking lost you?”

Your eyes widen at his words, his tone softening just in the slightest bit, as he scowls and turns away.

But you didn’t miss the hurt and pained look behind his eyes.

“..I don’t think I could live with myself if I found out you died... Because of me, no less.” He continues, looking down as a shadow casted over his face.

“How can I even dream of being the world’s greatest swordsman, if I can’t even handle a small cut, having someone else I care about take it for me..”

“I don’t deserve to be part of the future pirate king’s crew, much less his first mate, If I can’t protect my crewmates.” He utters out, clenching his fists tightly.

Staring at him and watching him carefully, you feel your heart warming and chest beating quickly. A faint blush washed over your cheeks as you smile slightly.

“Roronoa Zoro..”

Zoro looks up questioningly when you said his name, seeing your smile towards him.

“The man, who not even death can fear him, has finally found what feared him most. Losing someone so dear to him.” You couldn’t help but tease him.

Zoro’s felt his cheeks turning pink at your words as he scoffs. “So you have the strength to start making fun of me now?”

“I’m not making fun of you.” You defended, giggles erupting from your lips as you shifted and sat up more, making yourself comfortable.

“I just think it’s cute is all.” You shrug playfully, a cute grin displaying across your lips as Zoro simply clicks his tongue.

“Honestly.. you’re such a pain.”

He scratches the back of his head, closing his eye as he makes his way towards you bed and sits down beside you, crossing his arms.

“Besides, it’s an honor to be that special someone you care about.” You laugh softly once more.

He rolls his eyes and made himself comfortable, ignoring your comment.

“Well, now that you’re awake, I’ll sit here and guard you. Make sure you aren’t moving with your injuries.” He firmly states, leaning against the headboard as he shifted to make himself comfortable and relaxed.

“Oi, I don’t need a babysitter, get out. But get me some food.” You hum, nudging his side and beginning to push him but he didn’t budge.

Instead he just spoke.

“Promise me.”

“Huh?”

Stopping your actions, you look confusedly towards the swordsman.

Zoro tilts his head to face you and opens his eye, his tone serious and low.

“Promise you won’t ever put yourself in danger again. Especially not when I’m around, you hear? Even if I die, I’ll protect you with my life, I don’t want you doing the same.”

Frowning, you went to protest but he simply moves his arm and wraps it around your side, forcefully pulling you into his chest.

“..please.. I don’t want to lose you.” He whispers quietly, his voice softening once more.

His hand went up to rest on your head as he discreetly leans his chin on the top of it.

Then he slowly leans down further and pecks the top of your head, making your heart melt at how soft and vulnerable he was being at this moment.

Closing your eyes, you nod gently and reach to grab his hand, intertwining it with yours and gripped it tightly.

“I promise, Zoro..”

Satisfied with your reply, Zoro nods approvingly. “Good. Now sleep.” He tightens his hold around you and leans back, closing his eye again.

“W-wait, but I’m hungry!”

-

a/n : AHHHH THIS WAS SO CUTE ACTUALLY OMG I hope you enjoyed!! 💚🥰

Sorry if it seems a bit rushed— ;-;

[icecoffeesimpwriting]

Hey so I was thinking. Super angsty Edward x reader where the reader is upset about how he up and left like in new moon. we still go to volterra to save him, right? but as soon as he's safe you walk away. you're like "my work here is done" and eddy boi is like "what? you don't want me?" and you argue bc he's a dumb boy who you can't trust? I know you wanna see eddy boi get his feelings hurt. I support this, so hurt. his. feelings. i guess you can end it fluffy and cute too if you want :* <3

OHHHHH I LOVE HURTNG PEOPLE’S FEELINGS NGL I MIGHT MAKE MYSELF CRY WRITING THIS ALSO WARNING IM CALLING OUT ON SOME OF THE TOXICNESS I SAW WITHIN EDWARD IN THE MOVIES

Edward Cullen x Reader but plot twist the reader ends up someone else 

~When Edward left you felt so broken and betrayed he had left to protect you but that didn’t make any sense 

~You had given him everything, you stopped hanging out with the wolves it hurt but you had still texted them without him knowing, the wolves were pissed they saw how toxic Edward was and they knew he had under his thumb but still it wasn’t healthy for you

~After staying in your room and thinking about what had happened you had locked yourself away from the world just needing time to think 

“Hey dumbass open your door”

“Go away”

“Y/n open this door or I’ll break it down you know I will”

~The voice of Leah was behind your door you knew she would keep her word and so you got out of your bundle of blankets and opened the door Leah came and looked around there were cups and plates around your room 

“Damn it Y/n come on go take a shower I could smell you outside your house”

“Leah, fuck off”

“Hey you shut the hell up go shower and get ready we got somewhere to be”

“What the hell are you talking about Clearwater?”

“You need to get soooo me and you are going to go have fun and then hang out with the pack at Mom’s house plus they miss you”

~You huffed and did what as she said the shower had felt good and getting out and brushing your teeth for the first time in a while felt even better.

~When you got back into your room you saw that all the dishes and trash were picked up as well as your bed being made,

~You knew Leah had done it she always looked out for you when life was kicking your ass, you had gotten dressed and done your usual routine coming down stairs to see Leah waiting 

“You ready slow ass?”

“Clearwater shut up”

~You two stared at each other and then busted out laughing you had forgotten how easy it was to talk to Leah unlike the Cullen’s you felt like you didn’t have to hold back the Cullen’s were nice and had their fun moments but most of the time you felt like you were stiff around them

~You two walked out and got into Leah’s truck as you drove around town just talking and catching up you felt emotions stir inside of you, you had feeling for Leah before you met Edward but you always pushed them away scared that she didn’t feel the same and when you met Edward it made the feelings disappear slowly but they were still there and now seeing her and talking you made you remember them and they were just as strong maybe stronger than what you felt for Edward

~As you drove around you stopped at little coffee shop in town you had came here with Leah a lot but when you dated Edward you had stopped going it felt wrong to go without her as you two pulled in you felt your mouth thinking about the amazing drinks and cakes they had when you two had placed your order you two had sat down and talked,

“So about Edward”

“What about him Leah?”

“I know you don’t want to hear this but Y/n listen to me he wasn’t good to you he was toxic and kept you away from us”

“Leah please”

“No listen, please Y/n we’ve known each other for years I know you and when you dated Edward you were not you. You were stiff and kept in a cage basically he kept you away from us”

“Leah,,,”

“You know I’m right Y/n”

~You felt like crying she was right and you hated it you hated knowing she was right Edward had kept in you in cage and hearing her say made reality hit you felt the tears spill over

~Leah reached over and grabbed your hand took you outside when outside Leah wrapped her arms around you holding you as you cried 

“Y/n listen to me I know it’s hard and I want better for you I wished you could see it someone out there could love you and give you what you need, I could- I mean someone else could give you that”

~Wait what had Leah just almost confessed?

“Leah did you just say you could be that person?”

“Y/n I’m sorry I know you don’t like me like that but I-”

~You kissed her you wrapped your arms around her and kissed her

“Leah Clearwater I love you, I loved you before Edward and I was so scared that you didn’t feel the same and when I felt some feelings for him and started dating him the feelings were still there and then he took me away from you and that hurt more than anything”

“Y/n you’re a dumbass”

“Huh? I just confessed to you and you me a dumbass?! What the fuck Leah?!”

“Listen L/n I called you a dumbass for thinking a a vampire could replace me I love you more than anything but damn you think someone could replace me?”

“Pftttt Leah shut up and kiss me again”

~And she did it felt right and better than it ever did with Edward it felt passionate and warm and loving

“Alright we gotta go or else the pack will be mad at us”

 ~When you had gotten to the house the pack welcomed you back and they were happy to you and Leah together finally Seth had joked around that if he had to hear Leah talk about you again he would fling himself off a building and Embry jumped in and soon the rest did too all joking and picking at you two Leah was to happy to care at the moment but then when she took you home things changed

~Leah stood on guard in front of you 

“Wait there’s someone in your house”

~The said person came out and there stood Alice with a shocked look on her face

“Alice what are you doing here?”

“What I am doing here is seeing what you are doing, why are with the wolves?”

“Why do you care?”

“Y/n please Edward is going to Italy to see the Volturi he wants to kill himself”

“What?! Why?!”

“I saw you get into a car with someone and get hurt and a bunch of other things and Edward saw thinking you were dead”

“Shit, Alice we have to do something”

“Wait Y/n don’t this isn’t your problem”

“Stay out of this wolf this none of your business”

“It actually is my business cold one me and Y/n are in a relationship now”

“What, Y/n tell me it isn’t true?”

“Yes Alice we made it official tonight I love Leah and I always have even with Edward and no offense but your brother is an asshole and treated me like shit! He kept me away from my friends and that’s not healthy! Leah has always treated me good I will go with you to save Edward but then I’m done I don’t care anymore I’m happy now and it took me being treated like shit from your brother to realize that Leah will always be the only one for me”

“Y/n,, I had no idea I’m sorry okay let’s go”

“Alright but Leah’s coming with us and don’t try to argue with me”

“Damn right I’m coming”

~When you two had made it there you and Leah had raced out of the car towards Edward Leah using her nose to help you to him you had finally found him and when you did he was about to step out into the sun you tackled him just in time.

“EDWARD DONT”

“Y/n you’re okay, you’re alive”

“Yeah no thanks to you”

“What?”

~You stepped away from him went back to Leah back to where you belonged

“Y/n why is she here?”

“Because Edward I’ve moved on I came here to save your sorry ass and now I’m going back to Leah and the pack I’m sorry but we weren’t good together you treated me bad and kept me from my friends I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore I’m going back to Forks with Leah and I’m going to forget about you”

“Y/n please”

“Please nothing goodbye Edward I hope you treat partner better than you did me”

~When you two left you felt no guilt you were with the love of your life and and were finally happy and that’s how it should be

~fin~

[shangyangjunzhu]

THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY VERY LONG POST AND I AM NOTIFYING Y’ALL

SPOILER ALERTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

a lot has happened and it is kind of hard for me to remember the sequence but i’ll go through it one by one

a) asu knows that su jin-er’s kid is not zitan’s; from what we’ve seen in the drama so far it can only be tattoo general

b) su jin-er gives birth and apparently it is quite evident that the kid is not zitan’s, which means zitan has no use for her anymore and he is about to kill her tell awu asks for su jin-er and he is like okay take her away

c) su jin-er thinks awu is gonna give her poison wine but it turns out that she isn’t and instead sends jin-er and her baby off to jiangnan to live the rest of their lives together

d) there is this very interesting conversation that takes place between awu and xiao qi about how he is willing to take revenge against everyone even awu’s family, and that kind of sets the tone for future episodes

e) nanny xu misses the grand princess and goes to the monastery and ends up seeing jing-er there and that’s when huaien offs her on wang lin’s command

f) awu goes to look for nanny xu but asu tells her that she wasn’t here (he knows, he saw it and he breaks down but you know he can’t go against daddy wang); xiao qi’s soldiers dig around the monastery to find nanny xu dead; awu is devastated and she is aware that it must have something to do with asu and she obviously like i can’t trust you anymore

g) huaien and yuxiu finally visit awu and xiao qi; difference is yuxiu is here to meet them; huaien is here to plot; he reveals evidence that it was indeed zitan who plotted against him using helan zhen. s/n yuxiu tells awu that she was better off in the yuzhang mansion and that she can’t talk with huaien at all and that she can’t seem to read his mind

h) xiao qi is ready with his troops to kill zitan but awu is like wait what’s going on and after he gives her the evidence she is like “zitan is still the emperor think about the people of the country and the mess it’s gonna create” and xiao qi notices the calm in her eyes and is like “you knew all along” ( which isn’t true she found only two episodes ago)

i) xiao qi is in the court with his army and he is on the verge of killing him but awu intervenes and basically stops from doing so but not without chopping off a block of wood from zitan’s throne; it is then that he leaves but not without awu sending him off by standing on the fortress and they nod to each other (ahhh my heart) and it is then a flashback is shown which may be hinting towards the fact that all of this was done so as to let xiao qi and the soldiers leave the city so as to find out who is plotting what and then come in.

j) zitan has this whole mope session about how xiao qi almost killed him and it is then that awu gives him a whole deal of reassurance that her zitan gege shouldn’t be that way and all (i skipped through it cuz it was just so boring)

k) now that xiao qi is out, daddy wang and co. are ready to put their plan into action and they do but not without yuxiu trying to stop huaien with every bit of might left in her by literally holding onto him but huaien flings her aside and tells her that she isn’t capable of stopping him.

i) they march into the palace and it is then that yuxiu is seen from a very high part of the palace, begging huaien to not continue and telling him how they would have nothing if it were not for awu and xiao qi. she also tells him that all they ever wanted when they were back in ningshuo was world peace and that he is trying to destroy it. she tells him that she could beg awu and the emperor to forgive him and that everything will be alright. huaien is like nope and he shoots an arrow right at her and barely misses probably to deter her. but in this moment yuxiu is like so you want me dead and JUMPS OFF THE BUILDING. I kid you not he does not even go to her ; he has this little scream and his eyes just dilate and then he is like keep going. hu yao, who was left behind by xiao qi to protect awu, sees huaien and rages at him trying to kill him but ends up getting killed instead.

l) they charge and awu is like i am gonna get you out of here safely zitan and tries to use the secret passage but guess what that has been infiltrated as well. so they have no choice but to go to throne room where all the soldiers are there and daddy wang makes his epic entry shocking awu and zitan.

m) daddy wang sits on the throne and is like hahah i made it and awu is like this seat isn’t for you and threatens to kill herself the same way the grand princess did and wang lin is terrified and tries to stop her, which he does but now song huaien is like haha i am gonna be the new king now and he is like get daddy wang out of here.

n) he goes to awu and says xiao qi is useless, be with me, i am useful and pulls out the hairpin she asked huaien to give xiao qi on the day of their wedding and gives it to her. awu slaps him and is like get the fuck out of my face

o) xiao qi comes to the rescue and shoots an arrow at huaien and it is then that he reveals that he never really left and that he has known all long about him being a traitor it’s just that he never knew for whom and it is then that huaien gets up and brandishes his sword saying he did it for himself only for him to injured by a couple of spears. he says a bunch of stuff that i didn’t understand and then he dies. xiao qi breaks down and wails (oh god i cried)

p) awu finds wang lin and they have a really emotional conversation and then he dies right in front of awu.

q) awu, xiao qi, asu and caiwei are seen walking together after a brief time skip and awu tells asu that they plan on leaving the capital and going back to ningshuo, which asu tries to convince them against but realizes they are at peace there. yuxiu’s kid is shown playing with awu’s other adopted children and awu is seen crushed at how yuxiu left behind her child without even giving the kid a name. awu entrusts asu to caiwei and ask them to live a happy life. asu and awu part emotionally and awu and xiao qi leave for ningshuo.

r) zitan steps down from being the emperor and i assume jing-er is placed on the throne with asu acting as the regent.

s) awu and xiao qi are shown in ningshuo with dozens of kids and their friends from hulan assembling a map of cheng and letting their adopted daughter jump on various locations in the map the same way awu did when she was younger. awu is pregnant and they talk about how they want to watch all of their adopted kids and now their kid grow up happily

closing thoughts:

- i loved how they depicted the impact of the greed for power. wang lin, the dowager, huaien, potato, wanru are all dead and the reason lied in their insatiable greed. unfortunately collateral damage takes place too as seen with the hu siblings and yuxiu.

- i will be forever mad at how yuxiu died but jin-er is still alive; i mean i understand how awu still cared for jin-er despite her treachery and i know yuxiu wanted nothing to do with huaien and his evil ways and that she would rather die than be complicit with him but still i am so sorry yuxiu baby you deserved way better

- i do like the fact that the whole show off between awu and xiao qi was actually a secret plot; they’re good actors ngl

- i can see that a bunch of stuff has been cut off because the flow isn’t very clear but that’s forgivable as i know a bunch of stuff was cut down

- the dowager die btw like i don’t even care

- the happy ending was all i ever wanted!!!!!

- it’s confirmed; monarch industry takes the place of #2 on my list and will probably not move down further any time soon.

if you’re still here throw a comment so that we can share our feelings!

[renjunfromthestars]

slow dancing in the dark

Pairing: Jeno + Reader bestfriend!Jeno

Genre: angst, best friend!au, College!au, Best Friends to Lovers! Au

Song recs: Slow Dancing in the Dark (Joji), Don’t Wanna Fall in Love (KYLE), Best Friend (Rex Orange County), EARFQUAKE (Tyler, The Creator), Apricot Princess (Rex Orange County). CAN’T GET OVER YOU (Joji), Me and Your Mama (Childish Gambino)

Word Count: 3.1k 

Summary: You and Jeno have always had a complicated relationship, but time is running out

Or

Jeno is in love with you, but can never express it the way he needs to

Notes: this one kinda hurt me to write ngl,,,I was real sad so I wrote it in one sitting

Please let me know what you guys think!!! I’m still pretty new to writing

---

Up until yesterday, it’s been months since you and Jeno have been in contact. Even though you go to the same school, you can’t help but think that he is avoiding you. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, he definitely is. Classic.

When you feel the slight pang of hurt ripple through your chest, you shake your head, trying to snap out of it. You rather not think about him right now. The 15 spotify playlists you embarrassingly curated denoting the emotional anguish of your most recent Jeno-filled-altercation was enough proof you’ve already spent too much time dwelling on this boy, who by the way, you’ve never even dated.

You have other things to worry about. College decisions are coming out soon, and it's absolutely imperative that you keep your grades in good standing. No school wants to accept a student just to find out that they’re a slacker. Better to be more upfront about you really are to the end, rather than to disappoint others later on. 

Jeno’s idea of school is hitting his dab pen in the bathroom, and sitting through every class high. And apparently, his idea of romance is not doing anything about your ambiguous relationship, and telling you to break up with Jaemin after only a week into dating. It was unholy unfair to Jaemin, and it's not like he's had almost three years to tell you how he feels, only to always come whining to you when you’re with someone else. It was a little different last time though. This is your last year of high school, and you both know it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever have as much time to be with (or to avoid) him at such close proximity--you’re almost definitely going to college out of state. Jeno has told you many times your ass is smart enough to pull it off. 

But that was months ago, things have since died down and there is no use dwelling on the past. You’ve cried enough tears, and you’re tired of waking up with puffy eyes that look like you have been stung by an angry bee hive because of it. According to Renjun, Jeno had stopped sulking in his library during his free period and started playing computer games with him again. See? It’s a thing of the past.

But that didn't stop you from occasionally calling him late at night in your many moments of weakness. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if you’re always met with a dial tone right? If he doesn’t pick up, it’s like you never called in the first place. The end always justifies the means. 

You don’t know why it took you so long to figure out that if you really missed him that  much, you should have probably just shot him a text instead of randomly calling him in the middle of the night. Jeno, like with school, is never prepared for anything. Even if he picked up, he’d probably just stay silent. It happened that one time he actually did pick up, both of you silent, not knowing to say in the moment (silence could also hardly be considered a phone call). 

Looking down at your most recent conversation, you sigh. Even before things became so messed up, you valued his companionship. Things are obviously still tense between you two--you don’t know why you even try.  Jaemin wouldn’t be too happy about it either. 

                                                                              ...

“It just makes me feel like shit when I hear people telling me like, ‘Oh you stole Jeno’s girl.’. You’re my girlfriend, not his.” Jaemin scoffs. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, along with his hold on your hand. 

In an attempt to soothe your angry boyfriend, you rub your thumb over your interlaced fingers soothingly. “I know, I know. I can’t help it if we have history Jaemin, people like to talk.”

“I had a talk with Renjun the other day about you and Jeno, and all the shit he was saying. I thought he was my friend.”

Although he was good friends with both boys, Renjun was admittedly closer to Jeno than Jaemin and there was more to his actions than it seemed just though looking at the surface. He was your closest mutual friend to Jeno, and knew more than anyone about the complicated relationship between you two--maybe a little too well. He respected the decision you made, but it was clear that he thought things should have ended differently.

                                                                          …

When you first see Jeno outside of the glimpses you see in the school hallway, he looks different. His hair is styled differently, with the wispy blonde hair of his hair framing his forehead quite nicely. 

Jeno’s eyes quickly flutter to the ground when you look at him, finding a sudden interest in the rocks on the ground. For a boy who treats his shoes like they’re his babies, he’s awfully unconcerned with the scuff marks that begin to appear on his Air Force Logos when he digs a rock into the ground.

“Where do you want to eat?” you ask, walking around him to open the passenger seat of his car.

Jeno looks like he regrets ever even agreeing to meet you for lunch in the first place, with his eyebrows furrowing and as indicated with the speed in which he gets in his new BMW.

“Chick-Fil-A.” He mumbles, pressing the start button on his car.

“Unbelievable. You want to go to Chick-Fil-A? ” you scoff. “We always go to Chick-Fil-A. Don’t you ever get tired of chicken?” 

Granted, it’s been months since you’ve been there together, but you at least expected some variety. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Popeyes chicken sandwiches these days. 

“No, but I get tired of you whining about my food choice when you asked for my opinion in the first place.”

And just like that, like old times, you both bicker on the car ride to Chick-Fil, this time about chicken sandwiches.

When you finally get to Chick-Fil-A, you manage to order your food without any major altercations, save a blazing glare you shoot Jeno when he says “Ranch is disgusting” when you ask for it to go with your nuggets.

As you sit down and dig into your food, you attempt to make small talk about your post high school plans. 

“University of Buffalo?” you say with a mouthful of fries. “I thought you wanted to stay in state.”

“Yeah I do. But I thought it would be smart to keep some options open” 

“Lee Jeno, keeping his options open? Being prepared?” you tease.

His cheeks flush in embarrassment, and you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks, with sunlight shining on his frame. His lashes are long, and with the way the light is hitting his face, his brown eyes are like pools of  dark honey.

Suddenly becoming hypersensitive to the boy in front of you, and you quickly change the subject. 

“How’s your cousin Jinyoung? I haven’t seen him since I last visited your aunt’s restaurant. He was nice enough to me some free dishes off the menu. I told him he needs any help with his college applications he can ask me.”

Jeno stays quiet, picking at his food as you blab about his cousin. Although you’ve only met him once when he came to visit from New York City, he was a sweet boy and you guys kept in contact. Dismissing it as part of Jeno’s natural propensity towards being quiet, you chatter on for a little while longer until you ask him, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Jinyoung died four months ago.” He says in a low voice, lowering his gaze to his lap.

Although there were a handful of others eating their lunch in the restaurant, you can barely process the background chatter as a small noise begins to ring in your ears. “What happened?”

“He was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t really tell anyone, ” he said in between sips of his drink . “he was in remission for a while but it came back really bad.”

“He has a younger sister right? It must be hitting her really hard.”

Jeno stays quiet as you fall silent, fidgeting with your fingers on the wooden table. Both of you don’t have much to say as your eyes begin to water in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A. 

Jeno places his hand over yours in comfort as he looks out the window. Life is short, and you can’t help but think how much time you have with him. 

                                                                   ...

Weeks pass, and although Jaemin isn’t exactly overjoyed about the fact that you’ve been seeing Jeno regularly again, he accepts it as what he understands it is--two friends reconciling and just hanging out, which you are eternally grateful for. The issue is that being friends with Jeno is never being just friends. You two have too much history for that. Everyday, the bottled feelings left unresolved over the years are at risk of exploding at any moment--it’s only a matter of time. 

You know you’ve got it bad when you find yourself checking your phone for his messages, or smiling at the thought of him. It’s everything--from the way he picks you up in minutes after an argument with your mom, to the way he drapes his heavy lined jean jacket over you during a particularly cold night.  No matter how hard you tried to suppress it, or how much you thought it would work, it was already over from the start. Even earlier when you two acted like strangers and the days you never even thought onnce about him, he was still in your dreams at night. But this time, Jeno is very much real, and alive in the flesh in front of you. And you don’t know if you want to admit to yourself that these feelings for Jeno are also very much real.

You finally decide to tell him when college decisions come out, after you get into your dream University. Graduation was nearing and it meant new beginnings. No matter how deeply rooted Jeno was in your heart, you needed to let go of the things that were holding you back. At least, it's what you’re telling yourself.

“Jeno...” your voice falters, “I can’t keep doing this with you..”

There’s an unspoken understanding between you two as Jeno runs his fingers through your hair to soothe you, and tells you not to cry while you cry. It’s the middle of the night when you tell him you love him. You should be home. You should be with Jaemin.

On the car ride home, Jeno stays silent.

                                                              …

Jeno calls you when you get home to check on you. When you start to cry again he stays silent for a moment.“Don’t be sad’ he murmurs. We have a lifetime to figure things out.” 

You only cry harder at his words. 

When your sniffles begin to subside, and you’re sound asleep in no time (not a surprise to Jeno, considering all the emotional turmoil you’ve faced tonight) Jeno sighs. He can’t help but feel selfish. Every time you tell him you want nothing more for him to be happy, Jeno’s moral compass can’t help but tear a little at the seams. You seem unaware that to him, happiness is being with you. But Jeno can’t have you. He knows that. They say that if you really love something, you need to let it go. But this is something he isn’t ready to let go of just yet. 

A few weeks ago when you two went out to eat, he notices that he always lets you choose the song on the way there, and what you want from the menu. 

“You know all the things we’re ordering are yours right?”

 You begin to apologize, but you’re soon distracted by the special drink menu the waiter drops on the table.

When your eyes light up at the silly lightbulb boba drink you plan to take home to  your sister, Jeno just sighs and pays for the meal. 

On the car ride home, your shared favorite songs play, and he doesn’t say a word to you. Jeno isn’t the best driver, and you vocalize that by nearly blowing his ear off when he brakes a little too fast at the red stop light. When you grab his hand for support, he lingers a little longer before he lets go. Like usual, he panders around your neighborhood when your house draws close, purposely taking the long way home. Jeno thinks about it some more when he waits for you to walk through the door of your house before driving off.  

Jeno always tells you he loves you when it’s too late. When you get your first boyfriend, he gets a girlfriend and tries to forget about you. It’s painfully obvious how he feels when he not so jokingly tells you to dump that “skinny bean pole” for him. He hates himself for taking you for granted when you broke up with said boyfriend around the time his girlfriend dumps him, telling him “I know you just aren’t happy”. For telling Renjun “Don’t worry about it, I know she loves me.” when he tried to warn him about Jaemin’s budding romance with you, even pleaded for him to make his move. It seems that everyone knows what to do with his feelings better than himself, and all he knows how to do is reap the consequences. 

He usually doesn’t have much to say. But tonight, over the phone, he tells you that he loves you. He tells you that he sees you in his future, and to him, you’re like no other. Jeno tells you that he knows you never meant to hurt him, but he’s been hurting for a while, and he can’t stand to see you with someone else.

But you’re asleep, and you can’t hear him. For the longest time, Jeno has wanted so badly to show you his whole heart. This situation you two are in  isn’t what he wants and he knows you feel the same. He wants to stop being on his Mac Demarco shit, to man up and tell you clearly how he really feels, and maybe, have you be his girlfriend, you know-- instead of messing with some other guy’s girl. 

Even through all of this, Jeno has learned a little secret about love. To love you was never about having you. 

                                                                ...

Twirling in your red dress, your arm wraps around Jaemin’s neck. It’s prom, and graduation is right around the corner.  Smiling, you think to yourself that you have finally succeeded, the end is near. Laughing, gazing, looking up at a face smiling back. But for a split second, you don’t see Jaemin’s face in front of you. You see Jeno. 

The memory of the first day, when his laugh over the phone meant something more to you. His voice brings about some of the happiest times you’ve ever known. Memories of the small moments--late nights--a soft smile--a teasing voice--the warm heat on your face in the midst of a teasing comment, and a boy with a subtle charm to find the way through.

Spontaneous trips and laughter, the occasional periods of silence when the both of you were fed up--people who understood you two, but only enough to get in the way.

The light nod of your head when it first found its way to your shoulder, and the dull feeling of yearning it left when it was gone.

You’re at a children’s playground, and you whine about wanting to fly a kite even though you’re nearly 18. Jeno teases you for being a kid, and for even trying when there was hardly any wind out. When you suggest that he run from behind and try to fly the kite with you, you scold him for the third time that it would only work if he ran slower than you. Jeno laughs and you feel your heart tug a little.

You’re devastated, and when Jaemin asks you if something is wrong, all you do is rest your face in the crook of his neck. You don’t want him to see you crying. You hate yourself for doing this to him. You’re not really a religious person, but sometimes at night, staring into the darkness and slightly trembling, you ask God to make it stop. It hurts. You don’t know how it feels for Jeno. You knew every decision you would make wouldn’t be fair to anyone. What do you do? How will you know? Will you ever know?

You don’t want to admit that might have known all along. You know you’ve known all along. To you, there is no one like Jeno. There is no one like him you’ve ever met that has made you feel this way, and if you weren’t with him, then you would spend your entire life searching in vain. You want to be with him so badly, that when you think about it, your heart grows impossibly heavy. But at the same time, you feel free. The timing is never right. You’re with the wrong people. You’re doing it all wrong. He’s doing it all wrong. We’re doing it all wrong. 

You can’t stop thinking about him in the most difficult way. When you suppress him consciously, he shows up in your dreams, smiling, glowing. Ruffled hair, eye smile and all. You can’t help but think about him every night, and when you see something that reminds you of him. Jeno reminds you of everything sad, everything hard, and at the same time, everything easy. He makes your heart feel so heavy, but also at peace. When he told you that you two had a lifetime to figure it out, you want to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen. But that’s the hardest part. You don’t know what will happen.

Right now, you know one thing, and you know that you love him. You love him so much it brings you to tears. It makes your hands tremble, your body tremble, your heart tremble. You have such a love for Jeno that even if it wasn’t meant to be you wouldn’t care. You want Jeno to be happy. You want him to be healthy, not do stupid shit, and you want him so badly to love you too, and it would be okay if that didn’t happen. You’ve been delaying it-- you always say to yourself and everyone else you need time. You’ll sit on it, think about it, leave it for later. But it’s been months, and years, and you’re right back at the starting point.

Everytime you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, it felt like a dark shadow would cast over you. Because every time you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, you realized every bit of you knew you were.

Jeno is your best friend, part of your happiness, and he is your first real love. It’s something you can say with a certainty you’ve never had before.

                                           …

Jeno can feel his heart tear into shreds when he sees you and Jaemin so close. You look beautiful. So beautiful. You’re going away to your dream college and he’ll be many, many miles away from you. Jeno’s cheeks prickle with warmth as his eyes begin to dappen. His heart sinks, just to bobble back up with an expected disbelief. He thought he knew what was coming. 

“There are other things to do without me.” he had told you in the car that night, but the truth is, Jeno doesn’t want to do anything without you. He’s loved you since he met you, and he’s not quite sure that will ever change.

It always hurts. but that's because love isn't perfect, Jeno thinks. He may move on days from now, maybe weeks from now, and could realize he never really loved you.

If he truly loves you, it's never going to be okay, but it will get better. It will get easier. He will be able to go on. 

You might creep into his mind years from now when he finally thought he was over you.

And that's okay, that's what love is.

 It's when his memories come back to him 5 years later, when he wonders how you're doing, maybe if you think about him a little too. But it won't hurt nearly as much and he will realize all that heartbreak did something to heal him.

It's always hard, he thinks, as he walks out of the Prom venue. But he promises himself that it will always get easier.

[high-ashell-hargrove]

Lost- Dean Winchester x Reader

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Ptsd, bad old writing per usual?

Description: after returning from the dead, Y/n deals with her memories of Pergatory and Dean is there to attempt to help her through it all

A/n: so i wrote this like a year ago, and kinda hate it but ngl i wanted to post it lolol

like 1.5k words

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The smell of musty books and beer wafted through the air, along with the new addition of mint and lavender shampoo. It had been over a year since y/n felt soft fabric touch her skin and warm water engulfed her fragile body. She had made her journey from where she had been buried back to Bobbys. Guilt and fear coursed through her veins. Will they be happy to see me? These thoughts raced through her mind as she stared at the off white door. After a while she ambled up the steps, taking a deep breath she knocked on the door. The door opened slowly and she was met with the eldest Winchester, A small gasp left his mouth. He splashed her with holy water. "It's really me Dean." Y/n croaked, her mouth was tremendously dry. A smile plastered across his face as he pulled her in for a hug. "God I missed you" y/n whispered. She absolutely missed the smell of the cologne that seeped from the man’s clothing. "I missed you more." He said fighting back tears, which didn't work much because tears spilled over his face. Pulling back he wrapped his arm around her torso and guided her inside.

"Who was it?" I heard the youngest Winchester call out from the kitchen area. "It's y/n," Dean called back. Silence filled the house. Two sets of footsteps sounded toward the two. There stood in front of you in the tiny mudroom, was Sam and Bobby. “Hey guys,” she said, her voice was brittle, her eyes once full of life and hope now looked dark and empty. The men just stood there, shocked at the small frame standing in front of them. Her face covered in matted blood and dirt, her nails busted, clothing torn and soiled. Sam slowly approached her and brought her in for a hug. He couldn't help but notice her grip, usually strong was now a weak squeeze.

Stepping back he wiped the tears from his eyes. “Did the Cass bring you back?” he asked.

“Hell if I kno’.” a light chuckle left her throat.

She looked at each of the men again, reaching up at Sam as she fiddles with his hair.

“How long has it been? I swear your hair has grown like, four inches in what? Five months?” she chucked again, pulling away from the Winchester. The men looked at her, sad expressions across each face.

“y/n,” Dean said, placing a strong hand on her shoulder, slowly he walked into the living room with her and sat on the couch. “It's been a year and nine months.” His voice is thick. She looked from Sam to Bobby searching for answers. She sucked in a deep breath.

“O-oh, well then I h-haven't had a shower in over a year,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. 

Slowly standing up again she ripped her hands from Deans, “if you'll excuse me.” she said making her way to the staircase. “Damnit,” Dean whispered, rubbing his face.

[Oof)

After cleaning up y/n made her way downstairs again, in the boy's clothing now because hers had been ruined, Sam waited at the bottom of the staircase. *pov change hahahah*

"Though you might need this." He chuckled holding out a beer. I take it and take a sip, wincing at the feeling. Walking into the kitchen I was met with a table filled with food. 

"We uh, though you would be hungry too," Dean said, clasping his hands together. Forcing a smile I sat down, the boys followed. Looking down I began fiddling with my fingers, Dean leaned over and patted my leg. I let out a whimper and grip my thigh. 

"You- you still have injuries don't you," Dean asked with concern dripping in his voice. 

I nodded. Looking up again I see the boys staring at me. 

"Don't want the food to go to waste." I sigh, grabbing the pie.

It had been months of y/n trying to get back into hunting with the boys, Adjusting had become much harder than she thought. Every little thing set her off in some way. Y/n had mostly stuck behind and helped Bobby with research "Berkshire county PA, big Vamp nest according to Rufus." Y/n said, sitting down on her phone.

"The boys are gonna need you on this one," Bobby said sitting back in his chair.

Her eyes widened. Once again It was like she hadn't done this, ever.

"No. They don't need me, together they are enough." Y/n says, her hands trembling.

The sound of the impala rumbled through the air, looking over towards the door she heard the engine come to a stop and the heavy doors shutting. Eventually, she was met by the two men standing in the door frame of bobby’s ‘living room’.

“Hey boys,” Bobby said as he got up to give them hugs. Not soon after they embraced me with strong arms, almost suffocating actually. We sat for about an hour talking out the new case, each time mentioning me joining them on the hunt Dean would look at me with worry, not once did I meet his gaze. We finally agreed, well Bobby and Sam agreed I would be joining them. Packing some things I say my goodbyes to Bobby and find myself staring out baby's windows. A few hours felt like long agonizing months. Fear sat at the pit of my stomach.  Eventually, we make it to a dinky little motel called “Comfort inn”.

Slinging down his bags Dean huffed “Comfort inn my ass.”

Chuckling Sam and I follow in suit.

“I’m takin’ the couch.”

“Cute but no.” I heard Dean reply. Turning around sent him a questioning look. 

I scoff. “And why the hell, not Mr. Winchester.”

“Because I heard all about the tango you had with some demons about a week ago,” he replies and points toward my side. Rolling my eyes and throwing my bag onto the couch.

“So sweet for keeping tabs on me, but no.” 

A few nights later and some more dead bodies we all had found the vamps nest. It was in a big barn in the middle of, you guessed it, nowhere. We got our things and headed there. I have to admit I wasn't afraid of working the ‘suit’ part of the job, but killing vamps I was definitely scared shitless thinking about. We were About ten minutes away from busting in their machetes wielding. 

We stood outside of the doors, my heart thumping uncontrollably. Sliding open the door we all quietly entered, vamps asleep right at our feet. One by one we silently killed them. As we approached the far left corner of the barn, cries for help emerged. Next thing I see, vamps swarming us. Separating us. I focused on the task at hand. my blade flying through them, without seconds to spare. Next thing I know I'm met with the boys again, staring at me like I'm crazy. Blood covered my hand, neck, face, and clothes. It was like I blacked out. Startled, I stumbled back out to the car. The ride back no words were exchanged, we simply cleaned up when we got back to the motel and hit the hay.

Whispers filled her head. The smell of rotting flesh wafted through her nose, and the sounds of twigs and dirt crunched beneath her boots.

A light gasp left y/n throat. Quickly looking around she noticed she was indeed in the motel and not in purgatory. Quietly y/n walked into the bathroom. Shutting the door she turned to look in the mirror.  She was back, it had been so long since she had let her emotions get to her. Now blood soaked her shirt and covered her once clean skin. taking a deep breath y/n looked into the motel mirror again, images of purgatory flashed through her once more. sobs left her throat and her vision began to blur with tears. a light knock brought her back. 

"You okay in there y/n/n?" Dean called from the opposite side. y/n could not bring herself to reply, only more muffled cries. He opened the door and immediately was at her side, whispering comforting words to her while stroking her hair.

“Talk to me, sweetheart.” 

She tightens her grip on his arms, and suddenly she begins. “That-that place, it broke me in more ways than one.” she squeaked. Taking a few more breaths she started again. “I was suffocating Dean, I- I felt myself losing what humanity I had left. And the worse thing was when I screamed… my head felt like it was constantly being shoved underwater. I lost hope… I still feel lost.”He didn't know what to say, he had been there…. But he just couldn't seem to muster up any words, he just held her tighter.