#i always love hearing from you!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[ohrackham]

It is not what you do for me that makes me love you. It's your kindness. Your empathy. How much you care. Just being you is enough, Colin. I do not need you to save me. I just need you to stand by me. To hold me. To kiss me.

[carmenlire]

aaa happy new year!! 💖 and i was thinking about jangchu for the new year too the brainrot is just too real sdkfj but i totally agree with your point. what i loved about se was that it was more of a rivalry than a typical bullying relationship that most shows do. jaeyoung was like 'im going to annoy you with my presence' rather than aim to humiliate sangwoo (except for the marker scene and even jaeyoung thought he went a bit too far). he was thrilled that sangwoo was going against him (1/2)

+ and became more curious on how sangwoo functions. if sangwoo was the type of person to apologize when jaeyoung confronted him, i think jaeyoung wouldve lost interest because like you said there isn't a challenge!! he would've let it go and went on with his life but sangwoo stood up to him and sparked jaeyoung's interest :') i think a huge part of their relationship is getting to learn more about each other.. and they learn a lot even when theyve grown old together it's so sweet 🥺 -se anon (2/2)

hello dear!! Happy New Year! I hope you had a lovely weekend and that the start of 2023 has been good to you!

and yes!! you get it!! It was a rivalry but what i love is that this is such a low stakes/angst show and i would argue even the rivalry is half-assed. i mean it's literally just 8 episodes of jaeyoung annoying sangwoo and sangwoo realizing he likes it and wants more of it lmao. their rivalry is rather short lived-- once they start the game and start getting to know each other, it very quickly just becomes these two guys who admire and respect each other (professionally for now, at first) and grows from there.

(I think this might've gotten a bit long for mobile so here's a read more lol)

i love the enemies to lovers here especially because it is so light! and you're so right pointing out that the one time jaeyoung does reach a bit beyond what he should, he acknowledges, or at least the viewer sees, that he knows that was a bit too much and from there on out it's very mild and we know confidently that jaeyoung is into sangwoo-- in a healthy way, not a manipulative jerk way.

and yes!! even jaeyoung says at first that he just wants an apology. and he probably would have gotten one from literally anyone else but sangwoo. so the fact that sangwoo is 100% convinced that he was in the right and is so obvious about sparked!!! jaeyoung's interest!! and from there it becomes "oh wow this dude is different.... tell me more" and we see that while jaeyoung's love language is lowkey just annoying the object of his affections, he's very smart (!!!) and so he engages sangwoo to 1) yeah see that spark in his eye and get a reaction and have sangwoo's attention but also 2) to learn what makes sangwoo tick.

Both Sangwoo and Jaeyoung are people who need a challenge and they find that in each other. they both have to learn to work around and with each other but it's a labor of love because they want to-- so yes, i totally KNOW that their entire lives are spent always learning about each other and even after years, that spark and curiosity is still there because 1) people are constantly evolving and 2) there's always something new to learn 3) their attraction to each other is a live thing that they both feed into.

it's seriously so sweet and i'm so happy that you saw my little new year's ramble about these two and agreed/added your own thoughts!! i really do love the show but half the fun of semantic error is just the sheer possibilities of these characters. i just find them endlessly fascinating and have a grand time thinking about them. because on the surface they fit their archetypes! but the actors? the content? just gives them so much meaning and complexity and i can't get enough!

[spielzeugkaiser]

[MASTERPOST] - [prev] I just want you to imagine Jaskier, very early post trial, mostly nonverbal, not in control of his strength yet being just such a creepy kid sometimes. (His parents still love him obviously.) I also have a feeling that Jaskier is subconsciously 100% stressed at all times and wants to do his absolute best to please his parents and make zero mistakes so that they won't send him away again. (They didn't and he knows that, but he is just a traumatized child.)

[luna-loveboop]

I want. Four to get appreciation. Because

Four gave a ton of unnoticed help when Twilight was injured

The fight with Wild was difficult, and I know we're all concerned about his negative view of the shadow crystal

But Four did something that no one else really thought of to help- He took care of Twi's stuff

From the beginning he told Twilight to not worry about them

So Four took care of pretty much everything but the others (that Sky and Wars handled)

He took care of Epona

Which is so very important- he took care of Twilight's horse. After her arrival at the stable Four followed up on her

And for Epona, a horse so attached to her human, having some company can help so much for reassurance

He took care of Twilight's stuff

He got Twi's shield- his bags and equipment, and organized it into one place

And he was worried. He obviously found the shadow crystal while handling Twi's stuff, but his negative reactions to it were out of concern.

Also- because of his placement in this scene

I'm fairly convinced Four was ready to start cooking before Wild showed up (since he's beside the counter with food supplies). At the very least he had the basket of fruit out for everyone -but he was literally standing with food behind him- he thought of everything

And he did housekeeping!

Wars payed for the inn, so Four took care of the inn

Realistically these boys were probably not too concerned with tidyness. Four got all of Twi's things on one table, and took care of the room they stayed in

Organizing tables and Twi's things, having food supplies ready, and opening the curtains- overall he was the one tidying up the inn

Four helped in a huge way! He took care of Twi's horse (Epona is so important), his equipment and shield and bag, as well as the other rooms in the inn

Four filled in all the little tasks that others didn't think of. He helped in ways that were needed, but not obvious

There's a lot of problems with the shadow crystal and with Wild, and I don't know what's gonna happen in the future

But don't forget this- don't forget that Four was one who stepped up in an almost unnoticeable way

Don't forget that when everyone was barely holding it together, Four visited Twilight's horse and took care of his things

No matter what develops in the future- this amount of care shown is important ya know?

.

Art and comic from Jojo @linkeduniverse au :)))

[wistfulwatcher]

bau members + near death experiences

[little-pup-pip]

Hihi! It’s @litlpawz asking from my main!

Could I pls have a pochacco (sanrio) moodboard! Masc & a Non Deco paci pls!! Tysm!

Yes!!

[ruporas]

post ep 11

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

[intuitive-revelations]

I don't know if I'm excited or frustrated at the 'future children' angle for Susan's origin. On one hand... I'm very interested in the possible links to the likes of Miranda, the Other etc.

On the other hand... ok confession time: This may make me a minority in the fandom, but I actually really dislike the 80s-90s retcons of Susan's origin. (Birth of a Renegade, Lungbarrow etc.)

I kinda just like her and the Doctor being some of the last surviving members of what was once a family on Gallifrey. I find the mystery and tragedy of what happened on Gallifrey, with implied student uprisings and political assassinations, far more intriguing than any twists saying "actually she's not really his granddaughter". Fortunately, some things can be canonwelded into that (eg. Susan really could be also related to the president / descended from Rassilon), but stuff that actually gives her an origin elsewhere is always a pain.

Idk. I just see once being a parent (and losing it all tragically) as such a crucial part of the Doctor's background and Susan fits very well into that as far as I'm concerned. Anything disconnecting her from that, or worse erasing it completely, ultimately damages what I find to be one of the most compelling things about the Doctor and Susan. :/

The few posts I've already seen talking about this suggests this is an unpopular opinion, but I'd be interested to know what people think, and if they agree or disagree...

[pinkmirth]

if there are any, ANY, wally west lovers in this house . . . please raise your hand

[jesuis-assez]

THE ROOKIE- 6.03 ➦ Trouble In Paradise

[sysig]

Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough

[intheholler]

I'm a many-many-generations-Appalachian, and when I was a teenager, everyone assumed I'd leave, so I thought I should. And then when I did leave, someone called my mama and told her I was the most homesick child they'd seen in decades, that she should come get me. She didn't, because she wanted me to succeed that badly, but I got myself back to Appalachia PDQ. And then I never left again, because Appalachia is where I belong.

I know the stereotypes, but we can be happy here, too. I've got a good life, with a well-paying job I love, a silver anniversary spouse, wonderful children, and a nice house. My mama lives with us and that's just how we like it. Our quietly queer little family is proud to be Appalachian, and our children learn our history, like the recorded story from their great-grandfather who saw the Baldwin-Felts get off the train in Matewan.

Are there problems in Appalachia? Sure. But that doesn't mean we are all living in misery. Appalachian lives are more than poverty porn and strip mines and drugs and Dew mouth. We have our own festivals and music and art and foods and books to celebrate our shared heritage. We have our own holidays, too, like the first day of deer season. There can be a lot of joy in our Appalachian lives, if we let it.

And of course, we can all join together to remind folks that #heaintfromaroundhere ;)

.

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

[alicentflorent]

I’m tired at this point of Alicent and especially HELAENA get ridiculed as mothers and having their emotions and actions picked apart meanwhile aegon spends a couple of hours been a dad and suddenly he’s father of the year