#i always love how vibrant these vids are too :]]

[tuituipupu]

king of accidental manifestation 💅🏼✨

[coconoct]

what if,,,, hypothetically speaking,, i do a frame by frame analysis of the nocti v nigel cg,,, ahahaahaaaa,,,,,,

I AM GONNA PUT THIS HERE NOW THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR SANDS OF WRATH AND, OBVIOUSLY, SPOILERS FOR THE CG

i do recommend watching the cg first before reading all this since i will mention a lot about nocti and nigel's movements using timestamps for the vid since my storage hates me and i can't really properly add multiple clips 💔

!! LINK TO CG ANIMATION HERE !!

I WILL ALSO BE USING MTL FOR ALL THE DIALOGUE SO I'M VERY SORRY IN ADVANCED IF THE DIALOGUE IS INCORRECT TO WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS

from the get-go i will mention that before nocti entered this fight, skk had a m.i.n.d link with nocti. and since skk is poisoned, nocti is gonna feel the same over the time

aside from him coughing up vital fluid at 0:39, you can really see the poison start getting to him when he fights. starting from 0:14 you see nocti's movements getting slower and slower which becomes more obvious when you see him throw less punches/kicks and his reaction time worsening, allowing nigel to easily counterattack

callback to his last fight with nigel shown at the beginning of the chapter

ER05-01

i would also love to point out how nigel is such a good foil for nocti. from the opposing color schemes to their behavior. nigel having a black color scheme to fit with the whole idea that he is an assassin hiding in the shadows (which is an often recurrence of him throughout the story by either him watching nocti in the distance or showing up unexpectedly). black can also be associated with power and death, connecting to the fact that nigel carries such a strong poison to where there's no known cure, which allows nigel to easily control others to his bidding and/or make them suffer. as opposed to nocti having a white/vibrant red color scheme to fit how bold or loud he is. red can be associated with anger and white can be associated with purity/innocence so it fits with his personality too (since nocti is often left in the dark of a lot of situations back when he was in the purifying force)

ER05-08

around 0:46 - 0:57, 1:05, 1:18 - 1:33

essentially any part where nocti is heavily breathing

ER05-01 structure that this narrator is mentioning is nocti

this is probably leaning more into hc territory, but i think out of all the playable constructs we've met, nocti feels the most "human." he eats, drinks, sleeps, has breathing patterns that the narrator loves to point out, basically does a lot of human practices that constructs don't need to necessarily do, but he does it out of habit. he even believed at one point that constructs can get sick (obv they can't)

dialogue at 0:27

nigel: "you are still the same as before" nigel: "everything covered by anger" nocti: "nigel!!!!!" nigel: "you always thought my poison could only be attached to weapons, right?" nigel: "never doubted what i said"

callbacks to the last fight nocti had with nigel. when nocti was at his lowest, that's when nigel finally spoke. nigel alludes to nocti's naivety again, making nocti finally realize the poison wasn't contained in a separate attachment/weapon, rather nigel is the poison itself

ER05-12 nocti telling skk where the poison might be (remember at this time he still didn't know how nigel injects the poison, he just knows nigel has the ability to do so)

ER05-08 nigel pointing out nocti's naivety

the realization of where the poison's actually located, after the dialogue at 0:27

the location of the poison is more obvious in the reference sheet of nigel (since the ref removes the cloak he's wearing) (link to tweet about nigel that includes this ref)

callback to when nocti and skk first began to plan how to track down nigel after the rediscovery of nigel's poison

ER05-12

callback to him saying "leave everything to me" shown in the previous image.

the light in nocti's hands in the animation is skk (figuratively, not literally ofc LOL), having faith in him that he WILL beat nigel and will give him their all to help. though honestly, all he ever really needed was someone to trust him unconditionally

2:15 - end

"give that bastard a taste of our true wrath"

"partner"

the peak embracement of nocti and skk's partnership. this was the missing piece that he needed to finally beat nigel.

ever since the beginning of this chapter nocti has implicity or explicitly stated (whether it be through his first encounters with skk or in flashbacks of his hubris being in the purifying force/early days of cerberus) he prefers to work alone and leave it at that. he thought it'd benefit everyone if he didn't rope people into his mess, and he fully believed finding and confronting nigel again is something only he should burden

ER05-06 nocti and skk took turns asking for context of what's been going on

skk, cerberus, and the people of new oakley however say otherwise.

skk, in their words, "took a gamble" and just had a gut feeling to stick around and help him and even be down to consider him as a partner

ER05-05

ER05-06

it should probably be noted that skk saying they believe him "just because" carries a lot more weight than at first glance. having someone believe him without him really needing to prove himself with evidence makes nocti appreciate skk a lot more than when he first encountered them in EX05 or at the beginning of this chapter, showing that skk isn't like everyone else he's met and perhaps has a chance to be friends or more with them

ER05-11 first instance of nocti calling them partner

ER05-11 nocti "subtly" correcting vann with referring to skk as his partner

these screenshots can keep going on and on but you get the idea LOL they call each other partners from ER05-11 onwards.

21 and vera believe cerberus isn't complete without him

ER05-15 despite nocti technically being considered as a part of the purifying force at this time, vera and 21 will always believe he truly belongs in cerberus

and the people of new oakley see him as a brother/friend they could rely on and share a drink with

ER05-09 after nocti saves new oakley he gains a lot of respect from the people in town and they all decided to celebrate nocti's win

for most of his life he was practically feared or looked down upon by the people he was with 'cause of his loud and reckless demeanor, and to finally have that revelation that he IS wanted, needed, LOVED even, that people are able to put their trust and faith in him, that allows him to be the best version of himself he could ever ask for

am i looking too deep into this? probably

there's probably a lot of bias from that whole analysis i just love nocti ok—

i do wish we can see more of his backstory. he's one of the few that actively hide it (with the addition of vera not revealing it out of some respect for him), and i just wanna do a deep dive of how he became the way he is today. he's also one of the older constructs given his frame id (BPO-03), makes me wonder how or why he became a construct in the first place-

anyways, that's my rant for the month, ty for reading if you made it this far lol

have some love and a cookie you deserve it ❤🍪

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you ease and comfort, and all that you desire.

I've been trying not to fall again into the dissociative zombie trance I freeze in, but I only can fight it so much considering..

Even just typing what I think of a butter milk lolly I tried first time seems to be the most pointless thing in the world.. such as my view on me still inhabiting it.. like how ever or whatever I say or do, there's no point, there's no outcome, there's no reason in bothering...

The festival wasn't very festive and even tho struggling to find commissions to cover any not net bill expense, I managed to get something to do something new for it— makeup

I have a long list of trying things for the first time and makeup was on there, I'm all for it in the name of self expression and refinery, and to me especially I always wanted to try nd do even beyond that. But now I tried it, it seems like I need a new set of hands cuz my god, what is drawing in reverse AND on a stretchy surface such as the skin.

I got myself and siblings some and arrived in time for the festival. No body humoured me as much as i hoped, and my guardians being the supportive bunch they be even laughed at— which I already know— my screwed application. Even with their encouragement to keep it on, I promptly wiped it off and did not bother with makeup after.

Just in the past few days I started using lipstick more and I noticed it helped me stop chewing on my lips, which is a nice positive to get out of it. Also I'm in love /hate relationship with the way the brush feels on my face, it's relaxing but suddnly feels too ticklish to continue, idk. At least I've been enjoying my kit as if I bought new art tools and hope to have more colors with time and get better at it.

Like finding out things like— lipgloss freaking burns or numb your lips and that's ON PURPOSE?? I worried I was having a reaction cuz i picked brands randomly & as cheap as possible, tried to get one of everything, and as you can see I have allowed my red-black pallet fixation control my choices. Like eyeshadows being mostly reddish I thought it will look super vibrant on me, but they turned very complementary on my skin tone, hehe. And those nail polish removal stuff, they kill my fingers, just by using them daily, that aside the disgusting feeling of rubbing my nail with wet tissue — PURE AGONY.

My charms too arrived, the ones I've ordered with my new phone and have long gave up on seeing again cuz they seemed to never arrive. It something dear to me, i wanted to put before me symbols of the ones to treasure who commissioned me and helped me get a new phone. Which was something also I first time try— accessorising my phone.

Bee for Ka 🐝 kitty for Katty 🐈 the mask 🎭 as a representation of the death eaters life I enjoyed illustrating with VanMarky, V for my precious Vee, and so on. It escaped my notice that I need pliers to fix them into the chain lol so they remain loose for now..

Now i added another vid to upload for the day i hope it doesn't torment me, im tired of seeing this as an always occurrence, it's not helping, but keeping me longer into this festering mental decline..

I'm happy that the 100$+ net subscription cost I barely have each month paying off 8D

Sorry fir being so hopless, trying to live to art..

5 a.m. 3.5.2023. Tummy hurt

[merinelsa]

Hello! I’m bored!!

What’s your fave glee song?

Fave klaine duet?

Fave Blaine solo?

Fave Kurt solo ?

Fave duet part for both (apart from each other!)

Fave group number Kurt

Fave group number Blaine

🥰 hope you are having a lovely Sunday

I'm really sorry for not responding earlier , had a bit of a busy day trying to catch up on stuff before school reopened.

so , now to the questions

fave glee song : ooh a tough one , but i think Just The Way You Are ( s5 version ) might be my fave, it's just so comforting and cheesy enough for my taste and just everyone's vibing and being playful and everyone has small duets in between and there's cute kurtana dancing and klaine looking at each other with hearteyes . just a perfect ny family dynamic .

fave klaine duet : absolutely It's Too Late . if you know me , you know i'm a sucker for angst and one of the most angstiest klaine duet apart from cwm is It’s Too Late. and the amazing harmonies especially in the studio version has me fallen in love with this duet . 

fave Blaine solo : Don’t Stop Me Now , it used to be All of Me which i’d listened to almost 10 times daily , but since making the blaine vid , it has shifted to this amazing Queen cover . like the pure energetic perormance from him . also the audience during this performance is my favourite ever. so many dorky marley moments , wildebrams being cute and the collective goofy energy is truly mesmerizing . And have you heard Blaine’s vocals during it . truly king behaviour

Fave Kurt solo : As If We Never Said Goodbye. the vocals are immaculate , he’s magical during this whole performance , everyone is so happy ( especially that small moment that focuses on santana’s vibrant smile ) . he’s just so powerful and excited . and the clothing during this perf is amazing , the keys used as neck wear , KURT IN VESTS!!! , the white boots , he’s a true beauty and the one song i’m glad they used the full 5 min version on the show . 

fave duet partner for kurt : Rachel , their wicked duets are to die for and Happy Days mashup is the absolute biggest comfort song for me . 

fave duet partner for blaine : sam , blaine’s his absolute dorkiest self during his duets with sam , and they sound amazing together , at times i can’t even differentiate their voices from each other , but my fave non klaine blaine duet would be boys/boyfriend mashup with Artie . both of their voices are so hot here and both of them are just their absolute charming selves .

fave group number for kurt : Home , it’s only a small part but the low notes are chefs kiss . this whole song is just a ball of comfort coupled with the heartbreak of that small scene . And it’s the only gcv my brother knew the og song to , so it’s kind of our connecting song . if given a second choice , it would be DSB ( s5 version ) , again the low notes .

fave group number for blaine : hey jude , like darren , you’re killing me with your damn talent . jesus christ , slow down buddy . he’s on fire with those high notes . the song was such a slow start with being a normal cover and the high notes starts and i’m truly deceased . the best thing about the whole drag of an ep . and just the happy face of Tina being supported and accompanied by her friends . brings me back to the s2 prom where kurt was alone and blaine was the only one to support him 

interesting how i chose a low note number for kurt and a high note one for blaine 

Hope you’re having a good day too, always feel free to come here whenever you feel bored , i’ll be company if i manage to be on here . 

[fairestcat]

We Did The Thing: Musings On the AO3, Wiscon, and Winning the Fandom Culture Wars

HOLY SHIT WE WON A MOTHERFUCKING HUGO.

Ahem.

More seriously - or at least more verbosely - I think we won the fandom culture wars. How weird is that?

This is a sort of rambly post. It's about the OTW and the AO3, but it's also about Wiscon, because that's the community I'm in where old-school SFF fandom and transformative works fandom collide, and it's where I've watched this transformation happen over the last decade.

Back in October I made a tumblr post about the history of the OTW/AO3: On the AO3 all these years later.

That post is mostly just quotes from the comments to @astolat's original post that started the AO3: An Archive Of One's Own - and quotes from the post I made back then linking to hers:  An Archive of One's Own, Or: Why Shouldn't We Ask For Everything We Want?

Those posts are from May 2007. I was on the OTW Finance Committee by that fall.

One year later, in May 2008, I went to my first Wiscon. I was on two panels: "Fanfic and Slash 201," and "Fanfic Rising: The Organization for Transformative Works."

They were back to back on Saturday night. "Fanfic and Slash 201" from 9:00 to 10:15 and the OTW panel from 10:30 to 11:45. All fanworks panels at non fanworks-specific cons were late night panels back then. Or, occasionally, on Monday morning after half the con had gone home.

I don't remember who else was on the Fanfic 201 panel, but the OTW panel was me, @oliviacirce and ellen_fremedon. The three of us had never met before that con. @oliviacirce and I had been in Chicago Friday night for a Panic! At the Disco concert and hadn't gotten back to Madison until 3am. I have no idea how we were even still coherent for a 10:30 PM panel.

None of us wrote the panel description, which reads even more impressively antagonistic in retrospect.

"The Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), led by fanfic writers, fan vidders, and fan artists (including writer Naomi Novik) seeks to establish a new regime in copyright law, in which 'all fannish works are recognized as legal and transformative and are accepted as a legitimate creative activity.' Should there be an exception for fanfic under copyright? Is OTW a good idea? (Some fans are afraid that OTW's activities will end BigMedia's tolerance for fannish creations.) What does the law say? What's the viewpoint of those who create original works -- should authors lose control of their original creations, as long as fans claim protection under a fanfic exception? And what about OTW's commitment to offer protection for RPF (Real People Fanfic)?"

At the time I would have said it was a pretty good panel, and yet we spent a distressing percentage of the panel defending the mere right of fanworks to even exist.

I went back to Wiscon in 2009, which was an...eventful year. It was the first Wiscon post-Racefail and it sparked a lot of discussion of intersecting modes of fannishness and particularly online fandom vs. offline con-based fandom, which was at the time a much bigger divide.

Wiscon 2009 was also the year @ellen_fremedon went to a panel on historical fiction, and got jumped on by Ellen Klages, who was one of that year's Guests of Honor, for the sin of mentioning fanfic in her presence.

After that Wiscon I posted Wiscon, Media Fandom and The Larger Fannish Conversation, about my experience of that divide, particularly as a transformative works fan at Wiscon.

Here's the thing: online media and fanfic fandom is a vibrant, active community within broader SF fandom. [...] And to a large extent media fandom is where the young female fans are, the women who are the future of fandom. We're there at Wiscon too; I was amazed by the number of people from LJ fandom I saw at the con this year. And yet, when it comes to having a voice in larger fandom, we're still the embarrassing cousin shuffled off into the corner (or the hotel lobby). Even at Wiscon, the feminist science fiction convention, we're mostly under the radar, carving out a tiny niche for ourselves.

Last year we had two general, broad-topic fanfic panels. This year we had a fanfic panel, a vidding panel and the media vs. book fandom panel, which was not explicitly a media fandom panel but had an audience heavily weighted towards media fandom participants. And I walked into those panels and I thought "Here! Here are my people!" But it was frustrating too. Why are we relegated to the corner, why are we willing to be relegated to the corner? The conversations we're having, the things we're doing, they don't exist in a vacuum, they're relevant to the larger fannish conversation, they're especially relevant, I think, to the conversation going on at Wiscon. And I think it's time we were a bigger, more open part of that conversation.

So, we set out to make that happen. The OTW and the AO3 were a big part of that. Everyone who was worried at the time that the OTW would bring too much attention to fandom was right to be afraid. And wrong to be afraid too. Because that attention was how everything started to change. The OTW was fandom coming out of the closet, and like any coming out it was a powerful, transformative moment for those involved.

In 2010, a group of fans held the first ever Wiscon Vid Party. 

At Wiscon in 2010, we held the first ever vid party in one of these hospitality suites on the Saturday night, from 9pm to 3am. That's six hours of vid programming! It was mostly unthemed, other than "here are some amazing vids!"[...] The general vibe of the party was loud, a little bit raucous, and pretty informal. We had a mixture of sofas and armchairs, stackable seating, and standing room. People came and went at will. We put a sign on the door asking people to keep conversations to a minimum, and it worked pretty well to keep chatter down while still allowing people to relax and have a good time. It was pretty much like a really big living room.

I missed that con due to the whole move to Canada and get married thing I did, but I remember my first Vid Party in 2012, looking around the party room and having this amazing feeling of being surrounded by my people.

I loved Wiscon, but it was always a fraught experience. There was always this worry that I'd say the wrong thing in the wrong place and suddenly get that disappointed, "oh, you're one of those fans," response. The vid party was the one place at the con that you could just walk in and that worry went away.

And then there started being more of those places. We started suggesting more and more fic and vid related panels.

In 2012, @oliviacirce and I were both on two transformative works panels. "What makes a great transformative work?" and "Fans Fix SF." In a step up from previous fanworks panels at Wiscon they were both during the day. But they were also both in the smallest panel rooms at the con, and both panels fit comfortably into those rooms. Conference 5, where "Fans Fix SF" was held, is still the only room Wiscon uses for programming that's so small it isn't wired for microphones.

And then in 2013 I suggested ten panels for Wiscon and nine of them ended up on the schedule. They weren't all explicitly transformative fandom panels, but a lot of them were, and most of the panel descriptions were informed by my experience in transformative works fandom. Looking back, that was a sea-change moment, because an interesting thing happened. There mostly stopped being transformative fandom-specific panels at Wiscon, because it started being okay, even expected, that fanfic and other transformative works might come up on any panel, from the audience or the panelists.

At Wiscon 2018, I went to a panel on #OwnVoices fiction. Every panelist was a published author and/or professional editor. In the course of the panel, every panelist mentioned fanfic in general or the AO3 in specific in an explicitly complementary fashion. I nearly burst into tears in the back of the panel room.

Afterwards, I met up with @oliviacirce and ellen_fremedon to flail about it, at which point we realized that it had been ten years since that first fateful OTW panel where we all met. And that ten years both felt like so long ago, and also so recent for everything to have changed so completely.

At Wiscon 2019, the three of us were on another panel together. We called it "Fanfic: Threat or Menace - Ten Years Later," and this time I wrote the description:

Do you remember a time before the AO3? Do you remember a time when mentioning fanfic at Wiscon risked a lecture on its illegality and/or immorality? We sure do! In 2008 we met on the panel “Fanfic Rising: The Organization for Transformative Works,” & spent most of our time defending the right of fanworks to exist. In 2018 we were amazed to realize just how much had changed. Let’s talk about how the perception & reception of fanworks have changed, both in fandom at large and right here at Wiscon.

We made it onto the schedule. They once again put us in the smallest panel room. We looked around the lobby on Thursday night and said, "yeah, that ain't happening." We eventually moved to one of the largest panel rooms.

It was almost completely full.

I started the panel by reading out the original panel description from 2008. There was laughter! revolutionaryjo came up afterwards and asked to take a picture of the description on my phone. There were so many people in that room who had no idea what the Wiscon of a decade previous had been like. It was amazing.

Best Related Work? The OTW and AO3 changed the nature of the relationship between fic readers and writers and the entirety of mainstream organized SFF fandom.

The Wiscon Vid Party is still happening, and it's still a marathon of amazing vids, but it's not a really big living room anymore. The Vid Party is the Friday night feature in the biggest panel room. There are Premieres. There’s a sing-a-long. People come who have never watched a vid outside of Wiscon. People come who've never even heard of vids outside of Wiscon. The first year the Vid Party was in the big room, I walked into the room just before the show started, looked around, and realized I didn't recognize ⅔ of the people in the room. And I was so happy. Because I no longer need the Vid Party as a safe space to let down my guard, the entire con is now that place.

We did that. We made that happen.

The OTW made that happen. The AO3 made that happen. But also, a whole lot of individual fans made that happen. We stepped out of our corner, we stepped out of our closet. We demanded a seat at the table. And now we have a motherfucking HUGO AWARD, and when Naomi Novik got on stage at the Hugos and asked everyone who felt that they were part of the AO3 to stand up to be acknowledged, a notable number of this year's other Hugo nominees were among the attendees who got to their feet.

[belladoesmakeup]

Time for a change!

Hi everyone,

If all this chaos going on has taught me one things it’s to enjoy all the moments so that being said I decided to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. When I was a teen we’re talking 16/17 I used to dye my hair a dark red shade and I loved it. But when you’re a teenager you change your hair colour about 50 times and I moved on to other colours. But red was always my favourite so I decided while we’re all in quarantine I would do something a little drastic give my hair a little make over.

When it comes to my hair I have a rule that I never been bleach or permanent hair dye just because it dries and damages hair too easily so since I was younger I’ve always used LOreal Casting Creme Gloss which is a semi permanent hair dye. For some reason this hair dye has always acted more like a permanent hair colour in terms of how long it lasts in my hair, normally a semi permanent dye would last 28 washes and then you move on but for me they can last up 4 months so I’ve always stuck to it. Gradually the colour fades and just washes out with your normal hair wash routine.

The last time I used one of these hair dyes I went for a light brown shade just to lighten my hair a little but this time I went a lot bolder using the shade Cherry Red 460 which is a vibrant red colour specifically for brunettes. With each hair dye it comes with a chart at the back to let you know what hair colours will take to the colour well so you know if it will show you in your hair or not. This is definitely the brightest red I’ve ever used and I’m so in love with it it’s unreal. For some reason I’ve always felt most comfortable with myself when I have red hair and feel more like me and after I dried my hair and saw the red I instantly felt way more happier.

As you can see in the pic and vid above this hair dyes really do make a big difference and not only add colour to your hair but they also give your hair a high shine finish with incrediably soft hair. Every time I use the conditioner included in the hair dye my hair feels amazing and they give you enough to use for a few hair washes after you dye your hair so you get that soft hair feeling for a while.

Personally I wish I had done this sooner but still better late then never. If you’re looking to colour your hair without damage then check out LOreal Casting Creme Gloss, it’s amazing affordable brand that is kind to your hair .

Lots of love

Bella x x

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Hanging around an old timey town

If I were to describe Tenney in one word, it would be cloudy. Idyllic would probably be more accurate, but I feel like that’s too vague. Cloudy’s a bit of an unusual description, I admit - especially when it's not used to describe the weather. 

What I mean by cloudy is that it’s a charming, almost dreamlike place. Like a mix of cottagecore aesthetics with the gardens and woodland creatures as well as colorful pictures of the sky in various shades of pastel. Imagine sitting outside, surrounded by flowers underneath a colorful sky, getting lost in a book while the breeze blows gently in your direction and the sun beams gently from above.

When you visit a place like Tenney, a day trip does not do it justice. No, in order to get the full idyllic, cloudy, and zen experience, you need to be there for at least two days. A short escape to turn to when you need a break. Spending the hours doing mundane stuff that’s rewarding really goes a long way.

I’m here with Jenny, Clarry, Lyndi, and Louie, who are in need of a vacation. The four came over from Chariott, where they were helping their uncle Ludwig move into a new house. 

Ludwig is what happens when you combine a mad scientist, a chaotic inventor, a mischievous magician, and a disaster bisexual into one lanky bespectacled guy. He’s either super brilliant or beyond baffling or somewhere in between. Either way his chaotic energy is contagious. Pretty much everyone in he’s ever spoken to told him “Ludwig no!”, in which he responds with “Ludwig yes!” and the results wildly vary depending on whether or not explosions were involved.

So the family has been spending the past week helping Ludwig bring various gadgets and gizmos from various labs scattered across the globe as well as some that are outside of that scope. After spending over a decade as a traveling adventurer/scientist, Ludwig decided that it was time to finally settle down. Chariott was his second choice, a remote island off the Diamond Coast, not too far from uncharted territory. His second choice was Rainbow Shores, another remote island, but it’s one of many places where he’s sorta banned from - meaning he can visit but not overstay his welcome.

Not surprisingly, Ludwig underestimated how many labs he set up so Jenny called up some reinforcements like Isabelle and us campers. Turns out he has a base not too far from Wizpire so we spent a day there packing all his stuff. While I find Ludwig’s stuff to be fascinating, going through everything and putting them in boxes felt like sticking my hand in  a sink full of dishes to find utensils and not knowing there’s a knife in there. A couple explosions aside, it went smoothly.

Louie and the triplets have been helping Ludwig for two and a half weeks straight. Finally, two days ago, they were done. The place is still a mess, but Ludwig has his own ways and insisted that his nieces and nephews take a break.

That’s why I planned this trip for them. Then after spending a couple days at Tenney, they’ll be staying at the campsite on the newly renovated second floor of the cabin for a week. Knowing Jenny, she’s made a mile long itinerary, and knowing her sisters and cousin, they won’t stick to it. I’m sure we’ll find a happy medium.

We left Chariott around 5 am with Jenny insisting on driving the whole way since the others were passed out in the back. I offered to take over but she declined, which I didn’t mind too much since she’s a morning person and I’m not. Though I feel kinda bad for having her drive since she’s supposed to be relaxing - then again, she does find driving relaxing, especially on a day like today when there’s no traffic and we’re taking the scenic route.

From Chariott to Tenney, the drive took about three hours. Once we got settled in the Bed and Breakfast, we were ready to take on the day! 

One of the things I love about Tenney is the outdoor workshop classes it offers. From cross breeding flowers to hand lettering to culinary arts to building carriages - there’s no limit to what kind of new skills you can pick up! 

We went to a morning workshop session, where Jenny and I made journals. As in we made our own paper, made the covers with linen we designed, hand stitched the pages - literally the whole thing is made from scratch! It’s a lot of work, but I enjoyed it a lot. Clarry made a bunch of cute stickers while Lyndi and Louie hung out at the beach, where we met up after we finished making our creations.

Around noon we set up a picnic at the beach, taking the time to enjoy the sights and sounds surrounding us. The food, like pretty much everything in this town, is made from scratch. Fragrant jasmine rice from the fields, fruits and veggies picked at the peak of ripeness, flour from the wheat fields to the mill - it’s amazing how much work is put into everything!

A while ago I started following Lia Yi, a vlogger from Tenney who makes videos about her everyday life. Watching her bake bread or work on her garden or using her handmade paints to decorate a canvas while classical music (pieces composed by her) plays in the background is super relaxing. We had the pleasure of meeting her while taking a stroll in the community garden, where she gave us a tour and showed us her latest projects.

After lunch we stopped by the library, which looks like a greenhouse except it’s full of books, and hung around the lounge for a couple hours. Lying on a branch surrounded by vibrant greens and pastel pinks while on my laptop listening to music and scrolling social media makes me feel like I’m one of those lo-fi girls. Speaking of which, I’ve been really into lo-fi lately and it’s been doing wonders with my creative output in terms of art journaling.

Then we headed to the orchard/bakery where we picked fruits and made pastries. It was super cool to see how much work goes into making lemon poppyseed muffins and cherry pies because, like I said, everything is made from scratch! We also learned how to make lingonberry jam, rose, and ice wine, which was super cool as well. 

The villagers are always more than happy to show us around and teach us how to make stuff, another reason why I enjoy visiting Tenney. Even making dough at the bakery (something I have a love/hate thing with) was more relaxing than usual. Something about going back to our roots and doing things the old fashioned way - I guess doing all this stuff by hand is kinda like a form of mindfulness. 

Before we knew it, night had come. Since we were at the bakery, we made dinner paired with rose and dessert. A quick trip to the B&B to drop off the jam and wine crates and a walk around town square followed, leading to a two hour karaoke session at the rec center. 

Clarry’s latest hit, Somewhere in Your Mind, was one of the selections on the machine, which she found flattering. When she came up to sing it to see what would happen, a couple villagers immediately recognized her and she gave her fans the VIP treatment. 

It took a couple cocktails but Clarry convinced me to step up to the stage and sing some tunes. I like watching people sing karaoke but ask me to go up there I’d be like no way. Unless I’m in a group and/or slightly buzzed, then maybe.

So we hung out at the rec center until it closed around 1. After karaoke, we went to the arcade, where Louie and I fought to the death in a sword fighting game, Jenny had to wrestle Lyndi away from a VR game when things got too intense, and Clarry beat the high score in a ukulele game. 

Then we got back to the B&B, where we hung out a bit at the lobby sharing drinks and stories for about an hour before heading off to bed. Jenny’s starting an internship at Viola Francois in August and she’s super hyped about that. Clarry has been busy with her newest songwriting partner on her upcoming album planned to be out next year. Lyndi started getting into tik toks and has been making a bunch of vids that have gone viral. And Louie’s taking it easy after surviving freshman year at Seashore Path as well as reconciling with his uncle, who he has a love/hate relationship with. 

Maybe it’s because I’m super tired, but this bed feels like I’m floating on a cloud. The mattress’s even kinda lumpy like one - and super soft too, I must say. 

[queenmorgawse]

loving you is my gift tonight

missgoneril : there’s so much going on in that pic i don’t even know where to start fearthedeer : you gotta be more specific. is it dima? his parents in a two-person sweater?? the piglet in a fluffy hat they put on the armchair??? missgoneril : i missgoneril : the holy kingdom of faerghus has actually been on crack this whole time, in this essay i will -

or, some good old-fashioned holidays fluff ft. dimiclaude in modern fodlan.

READ ON AO3.

The envelope arrives a week or so before Saint Cichol’s Day. It’s made of creamy, off-white paper and sealed with an actual wax seal bearing the griffin knight of Faerghus, because royals apparently have to be extra even with something as mundane as sending holiday cards.

It’s actually addressed to Claude’s mother ( President Juliette von Riegan, the envelope reads in elegant, swirling script), but as First Son of the Leicester Alliance, Claude considers himself plenty qualified to snatch it up from the pile of holidays-related mail and whisk it off to his room.

He flops down onto his bed before breaking open the seal. The card inside is just as fancy as the exterior, done up in dark blue and silver highlights, and it’s the funniest thing Claude’s seen all week.

Now, the Faerghan royal family has been sending Saint Cichol’s cards to the von Riegans since the beginning of his mother’s presidency, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. It also doesn’t say anything special, besides Merry Saint Cichol’s day & best wishes from House Blaiddyd in embossed letters.

What is new, however, is that this time, it doesn’t have  one of the Blaiddyds’ formal state portraits front and center. Sure enough, King Lambert and Queen Patricia are posing, flashing toothpaste-ad-worthy smiles at the camera, but there the resemblance comes to a brutal stop.

The photo features Dimitri, clad in possibly the gaudiest holiday sweater Claude’s ever seen. As per ugly sweater tradition, it sports an unholy amount of red and green, but nothing can dethrone the roaring lion’s head emblazoned over Dimitri’s torso, myriads of multicolored lights haphazardly sewn into its mane.

And he still manages to look like Prince Charming straight out of a collector’s edition of Fódlan’s Fables, because Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd is unfairly photogenic like that.

Seiros, life is unfair. Or maybe it isn't, because it’s given him a boyfriend who miraculously still looks good while looking like he’s been hit and run over by a garlands-filled truck.

Because he’s the most loyal best friend anyone could ask for, Claude sits up, holds the card to the lamp on his bedside table, snaps a picture and sends it to Hilda. Her reply is almost instantaneous.

missgoneril : there’s so much going on in that pic i don’t even know where to start

fearthedeer : you gotta be more specific. is it dima? his parents in a two-person sweater?? the piglet in a fluffy hat they put on the armchair???

missgoneril : i

missgoneril : the holy kingdom of faerghus has actually been on crack this whole time, in this essay i will -

fearthedeer : LMAO

fearthedeer : fr tho i think it’s sweet

missgoneril : you have them rose-tinted glasses ON i see

fearthedeer : bold words coming from miss hilda ‘do you think dimitri’s hot blonde bodyguard will text me back?’ goneril

You can no longer send direct messages to this person.

Claude snorts and taps out of the conversation. Not a week goes by that Hilda doesn’t block him at least once. Whatever the reason - from posting their kindergarten playdates pictures on the Golden Deer group chat to that time he jokingly hit on her brother -, she always ends up unblocking him within the hour.

In the meantime, there’s someone else he wants to talk to. Claude flips to the second topmost conversation on his phone, lays back and starts typing.

fearthedeer : on ur way to light up all of fhirdiad by urself i see

hrhdima : I take it you’ve received our holidays well-wishes.

fearthedeer : it’s the BEST how did you not tell me about this before

hrhdima : Mother and Father wanted a ‘fun’ photo to go with our usual ones. I didn’t know they would actually use it for anything official.

fearthedeer : give whoever made that decision a raise bc they just made my entire week

hrhdima : You don’t think it’s silly?

fearthedeer : well.

fearthedeer : yes i do

fearthedeer : it’s definitely dorky

fearthedeer : but since it has you in it it’s dorky cute

fearthedeer : why are u not saying anything

fearthedeer : i told u u gotta learn to accept a compliment!!

hrhdima : Thank you, my dear. I had to take a few moments to compose myself.

fearthedeer : SEIROS

fearthedeer : HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING ADORABLE 😭

hrhdima : 😳😳

fearthedeer : if i were here you BET i’d be kissing your cheeks

fearthedeer : but alas, the day’s just started for ur local first son

hrhdima : What’s the first thing on the list?

fearthedeer : visiting a kids’ hospital i’m pretty sure! hilda and i have some Clownery planned so i sure hope they’ll laugh

hrhdima : I’m sure they will. If you end up filming, I’d love to see it.

fearthedeer : eager to see me embarrass myself huh

hrhdima : Claude! Of course not!

fearthedeer : flames, i was kidding!! of course i’ll send u the vid!

hrhdima : Oh.

hrhdima : Good luck with...the clownery?

fearthedeer : thanks, good luck with what you have to do too <3

hrhdima : Thank you. Speaking of which, can I call you later? Ingrid’s banging down my door about the holidays address right now.

fearthedeer : sure!! have fun at rehearsal, romance that sweet sweet mic for me 😘😘

hrhdima : Claude, please.

fearthedeer : u love me

hrhdima : I do.

hrhdima : I wish we could see each other more, especially at this time of the year. I miss you a great deal.

fearthedeer : wtf you can’t just say stuff like that

hrhdima : We’re quite literally dating.

fearthedeer : STILL

fearthedeer : anyway don’t you worry your pretty royal head over it

fearthedeer : it’s time for a secret scheme >:)

hrhdima : Claude. What does this mean.

fearthedeer : ;)

hrhdima has sent a vocal message.

Hi Claude, this is Ingrid. Sorry for interrupting you guys, but Dimitri has an address to practice, so I had to take his phone away for the time being. Will give it back when he’s done. Say hello to Hilda for me!

fearthedeer : dedue wouldn’t do this to me

---

missgoneril : SWEET BABY SEIROS SHE SAID WHAT

---

“...And with that, my dear citizens, all that's left for me to do is wish you a Merry Saint Cichol's day. Hold your loved ones close, so that they might share the holidays' cheers with you. I know I will.”

Dimitri flashes the camera another bright smile before the operator signals to him that they're done filming. From the treshold, Sylvain gives him a thumbs-up, and Dedue an approving nod. Only then does Dimitri allow himself to relax, shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

It isn't the address that bothers him, nor the ever-present fear of slipping up in front of millions of Faerghus citizens on live television. He's been groomed in protocol for public appearances, virtual or not, since he was old enough to walk. No, it's the creeping realization that, year after year, he gives a little more time to the people, and keeps a little less to himself.

It's selfish, which is precisely why Dimitri's only vaguely mentioned it even to his closest friends. They'd whisk him off to some holiday destination at the speed of light if he asked, he knows, but it doesn't feel right to shirk his duties — even though Sylvain wouldn't call it shirking, only giving himself a well-deserved break.

After a few minutes of idle chatter with the camera crew - Dimitri's made it a habit to try and get to know everyone he works with, to the point he can now ask after some of the operators' children by name -, he finally steps out of the royal office requisitioned for the occasion. When he idly checks his phone, the screen flashes with half a dozen notifications : a picture of Felix and Ingrid on St Cichol's shopping (presumably for Glenn), some last minute recommendations from both his father and Duke Fraldarius, and…

fearthedeer : hey hey hey

fearthedeer : dima

fearthedeer : u should go get some fresh air 😜

fearthedeer : (front gate. hurry!!!)

fearthedeer : i see u typing. why don’t u walk faster instead

Dimitri picks up the pace, until he’s almost flying past the castle’s front gates and into the main courtyard. At first, nothing seems more out of the ordinary : the gatekeepers even shoot him perplexed looks as their crown prince stares out, half disheveled, at the snow-covered cobblestones.

Then a nondescript black cab pulls up, somehow unbothered by security checks, and everything suddenly pieces itself together.

Dimitri’s down the staircase before anyone can stop him, right as the cab’s door open and a silhouette clad in a vibrant yellow sweater steps out. Claude’s barely finished handing the driver a tip when Dimitri comes to a brutal stop just a few steps from him, heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

They exchange pictures pretty much everyday, but there’s an inherent brilliance to Claude a screen can’t capture. It’s something, Dimitri thinks, in the way his smile blooms first over his lips then reaches all the way to his eyes. Every time, it’s like watching the sun rise.

Claude opens his arms. Wordlessly, Dimitri lets himself be drawn into his embrace, curls around him and breathes in the fresh scent of pine needles.

Eventually, he finds it in himself to step back. His hands stay firmly planted on Claude’s shoulders, grounding himself in the other’s presence. “It really is you.”

Claude grins and tips an imaginary hat at him. “The one and only.”

“Flames, I—” Dimitri takes a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself. “How...when did you get here?”

“On a plane this morning. And before you ask, it wasn't on taxpayers' money,” Claude quips.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted to see you, but why now?” Dimitri’s brain frantically cycles through their relationship milestones. Their anniversary’s in early summer, and Claude’s birthday isn’t for another few months, and⎯

Claude gently takes his face into his hands, tiptoeing a little to rest their foreheads together, and Dimitri’s mind comes to a standstill.

“Hey, calm down, okay? You’re overthinking everything again.” Claude pauses, breathes in, breathes out. “Would you believe me if I said I’m a little late for your birthday?”

Oh. It’s true. His birthday, a national holiday. How did it slip his mind again?

As if able to read his mind, Claude chuckles. “Really, I just wanted to see you again. In person. I already meant it to be a Saint Cichol’s surprise, and our texts the other day were just...additional motivation, if you will.”

“You’re amazing,” Dimitri says, as earnest as he’s ever been. This time, it’s Claude’s turn to blush, a rosy flush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. It offers a nice contrast to the paleness of the snowflakes that have started accumulating in his hair, dusting his dark curls with white.

It occurs to Dimitri that perhaps they should have had this conversation inside.

“Come,” he tells Claude, slinging an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders to steer him back towards the castle’s warmth. “You must be freezing.”

Claude snorts and tucks his chin down into the collar of his coat. “Only because your country considers negative temperature to be mild weather.”

“It’s only starting to get chilly, really⎯” Dimitri cuts himself off when Claude shoots him a half-exasperated, half-fond look.

Before he can fumble himself into another clumsy explanation, Claude tugs him down by the lapels of his jacket and presses a kiss to his lips. It courses through him like lightning, all the way down to the tips of his toes, and it lingers even after Claude pulls away.

“Well, you’re here to keep me warm, aren’t you? Lead the way.”

Like this, his love is bright and lovely, the great hall’s flickering hearth painting him in broad strokes of honey and gold.

Dimitri takes Claude’s hand, and follows.

[khadij-al-kubra]

Thomas in Wonderland  (ch 3)

Characters: Thomas (fictional), Virgil, Roman, Patton, Logan, Remy, Emile, Joan, Talyn, Deceit, Nate, The Dragon Witch, fan adopted short vid characters

Word Count: 1739

Summary: Thomas gets trolled by flowers and has a good cry

Author’s Note: Hey everyone! So happy to see that people are having fun with this story so far. I know i’m having a lot of fun writing it! Also big news is that I now have an AO3 account! So you can check this and other stories out there if you’d like. As always I am open to any writing critiques or tips you may have, and any likes, comments or reblogs would be immensely appreciated! Also please let me know if you would like to be tagged in future chapters for this fanfic or any of my other future writings. So last time, we were just entering a lovely garden...  

Flowers & Floods

Thomas couldn’t say for sure how long he’d been walking for, since, he still couldn’t decipher the Black Rabbit’s watch, but at best guess probably a good 15-30 minutes. He wished there was more of that growing grape soda. Not only because it would’ve been nice to get back to his normal size (being so small got to be pretty disorienting after a while), but also he was really thirsty from walking so much.

“Maybe Talyn has a point about carrying a travel water bottle everywhere,” Thomas said to himself. “But carrying it around gets cumbersome. Plus it always bangs against your leg    and then you get a little bruise on my thigh. Then again, if you had some water on you then maybe you wouldn’t feel so dehydrate and cranky now.”

He sagged a bit at his own reasoning, knowing he had a point. Was it worse to lose an argument with yourself or better?

“Well, at least it’s a beautiful day.” he mused to himself, trying to keep up his moral.

And it truly was lovely beyond that tiny door into this larger than life garden. The sapphire sky was bright overhead above the canopy of big grass blades, and the sun shone through the broad green leaved making them look like sheets of emerald. The soil beneath his sneakers was slightly soft, not enough to sink into and get stuck but it felt like a vacation for his tired feet. Clear drops of dew still lingering on the stems shimmered like crystal bobbles. Sure there was the occasional beetle crossing, but hey, at least there weren’t any spiders.

But oh, the flowers were by far the most beautiful part. There were so many different kinds, some he recognized others he didn’t. And their natural perfume gave off a heady aroma that was present yet not overwhelming. Their colors were so vibrant they almost looked like candy, yet Thomas could tell they would no doubt be velvety to the touch. And they were HUGE! True, that was only because he was tiny, but still.

Thomas sighed. “It’d be a lot more enjoyable if I actually knew where I was going.”

He still wanted to find the Black Rabbit, but only knew he’d come through this giant garden. There was no way else he could have gone. If there was actually a path then Thomas was too small to see it. There was a chance he might’ve already been on it, but from way down to the ground he had no way of knowing for sure. Thomas had hoped that by keeping straight (heh) he’d eventually get somewhere, but there was nothing around that told him where anywhere was. No people. No signs. Nothing.

“It’s too bad I can’t just ask the flowers for directions,” Thomas said. “Bet they could tell me where I am. Not that flowers can talk.”

“Oi! Who says we can’t talk?”

“GAH!” Thomas jumped back, started by hearing a voice other than his own for the first time since the Black Rabbit. “Who said that?”

“Up here ya twat!”

“And over here.”

“And here.”

The voices had Thomas turning in circles. Finally he decided to follow the first one’s advice to look up and his jaw dropped. He was staring into the face of a petunia. As in the flower literally had a face with eyes and a mouth and all.

“Wha-was that…you?” Thomas asked.

“Well of course it was me, who else?” Judging by the pout and the way its petals bent to rest on its stem, it appeared to be a properly put out Petunia.

“And me!” said an Iris.

“And me,” said a Tiger Lily

“And me too,” said a Daisy.

“Me, me! Pay attention to me!” said a Rose.

Thomas could only gape as the flowers around drooped down around him, their eyes scrutinizing every inch of him harder than a live stream audience. One part of his brain told him to close his mouth and that it was rude to stare. Another part of his brain told him HOLY HECK! THESE FLOWERS CAN TALK!?!? He went with the latter thought.

“HOLY HECK, YOU FLOWERS CAN TALK!?”

“Well of course we can talk,” said the Iris. “What ever made you think we couldn’t? That’s pretty presumptuous of you.”

“Well it’s just, flowers don’t typically talk where I’m from.”

“Umm why does this little sprout assume we’re all flowers?” said a Dandelion. “You don’t think weeds should be proud of who they are?”

“Oh! Well of course you can,” said Thomas. “I didn’t mean to offend any plant.”

Of all the things that had happened so far to Thomas today, this was by far the most curious.  Who would’ve thought that a bunch of would flowers could be so, well, mean? Still, they were the only ones around who could possibly help him, so he took a breath to calm his growing headache and put on a friendly face.

“Actually, I was wondering if you lovely, uh, flora could help me. See, I’m looking for a Black Rabbit. He passed through here and I have—“

“So what sort of a plant are you anyway?” asked the Petunia.

“It doesn’t look like a flower,” said the Iris. “Where are its petals? It’s not a real flower if it doesn’t have colorful petals.”

“Its colors are so dull,” said the Daisy.

“Oh, uh, I’m not a plant. I’m a person. My name is Thomas and I—”

“Tho-mas,” said the Tiger Lily. “That’s a pretty stupid name for a plant species, don’t you think? Why not be creative and come up with something more original?”

“Well that’s my name and I happen to like it. And I’ll have you know that I can be very creative, at least I think—“

“Do you really need to brag so much?” asked the Petunia. “It just makes plants like you desperate, fishing for likes and compliments.”

Thomas huffed. “Listen, I just need to know where—“

“That’s the ugliest flower I’ve ever seen,” said the Rose.

“Oh my gosh, I’ll bet it doesn’t even get pruned,” said the Tiger Lily

These plants were really getting on his last nerve. “Look I’m kinda lost here! I-I had a hard day, am super small, and I’d really like to get back to my regular size—“

“Well not all of us have a choice of whether or not we can grow bigger,” said the Dandelion. “Or even grow prettier.”

“Could you just please—”

“Yeah, that’s pretty selfish of you dontcha think?”

“Is this even a real plant?”

“Maybe you should check your privilege.”

That was it! “GGNNHHAAAAAAAA!!!!”

Thomas ran away from the barrage of critical flowers as fast as he could. He didn’t pay attention to the direction, only knowing that he had to get away from all those harsh comments. He ran and ran through the garden until his aching calves screamed at him to stop. Finally he plopped down on a dirt mount in the middle of an open field to rest.

Well that’s just great. Thomas thought as he caught his breath. Now I’m tired, thirsty, I’ve got a headache, those flowers were NO help at all, and I’m STILL lost! It wasn’t like like Thomas couldn’t take a healthy dose of constructive criticism, but those plants were being just would not let up with their mean words. Like what did he ever do to them? He could feel the stress of his day so far, from the writers block to the fall to now, building up so much that there was only one thing he could do.

Thomas let himself have a good cry, because gosh darn it, men could cry too!

He cried and cried, felt the teardrops billow over down his cheeks. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t at normal size, but he could feel the salty tears taking up more space on his face, as though they were Studio Ghibli style tears. Once he started, Thomas just couldn’t seem to stop crying. He felt silly for making such a big fuss like this, letting all those hurtful comments get to him even though none of it was true. The embarrassment of this only made him cry even more. Thomas was so in the throes of letting out his pent up emotions that he didn’t realize he was creating a puddle around himself. Which turned into a small pond, which turned into a sizeable lake, until finally the water was up to his shoulders.

“Oh no!” Thomas cried out. “Oh great, now look at the mess I’ve made!”

Thomas still could not stop crying, but he was in enough possession of his faculties that he started to doggy paddle so as not to drown in his own river of tears he was making. At least it wasn’t the ocean, although the water was certainly salty enough to seem like one. Thomas never did well in open waters, and the fear seemed to kick in the fight aspect of his anxiety. Thomas mentally pulled himself together enough that he was only sniffling now, and he focused his body to keep swimming.

After ten or fifteen swimmers strokes he realized that there was really no need to swim so hard. The river of tears carried him along smoothly, and he could just let himself float. It was a big relief and frankly one of the few helpful things that had happened to him so far. It was a nice change to get his bearings.

“Boy, I really let myself get carried away with all that crying, huh?” Hehe. Dad joke. “I’ve gotta say though, I do feel better. I guess sometimes you’ve just gotta let it all out. And by the looks of it, I had a LOT to let out!

He only hoped that he hadn’t accidentally drowned out all those flowers back in the garden. Even if they probably deserved it, the thorny twigs. Last time he would let a bunch of attention seeking flowers get to him. And sure, he was still kind of lost and unsure of whether or not he was still heading towards the same direction as the Black Rabbit had been going. But at least he was still going in a direction. Thomas was optimistic that eventually he’d come across the furry fella again.

But I can’t keep floating along like this forever.

<=PREV

NEXT=>

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[ncfan-1]

Accidental Innuendo

Ezra accidentally oversteps, learns some things. [Fanfic written for Fictober 2018, prompt “Do we really have to do this again?”]

[Also on AO3]

Okay, I like Ezra. I really do. I recognize that making this my first fic with him in it, my first fic from his POV, was not the best way to express my affection, but this is a prompt fic and I’ve always wondered what happened to make him realize he needed to stop hitting on Sabine. Because I feel like he didn’t just stop on his own.

-----------------

Sabine really wondered about Ezra, sometimes. The newest addition to the family had quickly carved out a niche for himself as the obnoxious little brother—though the obnoxiousness could be forgotten after an eye roll and a sigh given the way nothing felt quite whole without him around; funny how quickly he’d become essential to Sabine’s vision of what life on the Ghost was supposed to be like. (But then, when families were as they were supposed to be, families were like that. You don’t feel the naturalness of their being together quite so much as you feel the unnaturalness of being apart.)

He was definitely a part of the family, now, but… Yeah. He was definitely the obnoxious little brother. The obnoxious little brother who couldn’t get it through his head that one) their function in the family was siblings, and two) she was not interested in him.

Yeah. Fun times.

To be absolutely fair, he didn’t try to hit on her every time they spoke. Ezra was a bit… Ezra, and didn’t always seem to know what the limits were, but he never really graduated to what Sabine would call pushy, skittering away after she got to the point of glaring at him. She’d never felt threatened, just annoyed. And that annoyance was mounting to something closer to anger more quickly the more this went on.

-0-0-0-

Ezra Bridger knew none of this. Well, he knew Sabine got a little annoyed with his flirting, but he thought he was making progress. Maybe. It was hard to tell. He wasn’t a mind-reader, after all, and Kanan told him that no matter how far his Jedi training went, the chances of his actually being able to read minds was pretty much nil. What the uninitiated thought of as mind-reading, Kanan told him, was really just being able to pick up on emotions and sensations and guessing at someone’s general train of thought. Which sounded a lot more boring than mind-reading, to be honest, but a lot of things tended to be a lot more boring than advertised. Ezra didn’t like it, but he hadn’t liked being homeless, either, and his dislike hadn’t changed the fact that he was, in fact, camping out in an abandoned communications tower instead of living in an actual house with—

Anyways, he thought he was making progress with Sabine. Not enough progress that she’d actually call him by his name instead of just calling him “kid,” but every little bit helped. Where this progress was supposed to be leading, well, Ezra hadn’t thought that far ahead. The only objective right now was to get her flirting back.

And now, with Kanan and Zeb not onboard to roll their eyes or laugh at a failed attempt, and with Hera doing some routine maintenance in the Phantom (and thus also not on hand to roll her eyes or laugh if he managed nothing more impressive than another pratfall), was the perfect time to try again.

Sabine was sitting in the open doorway into her cabin, and Ezra thought he might have been drawn here even if she wasn’t like-a-bolt-from-the-blue grade amazing. Even from the doorway, Sabine’s cabin was an explosion of color, the most vibrant part of the Ghost by far. Heck, Sabine’s cabin was probably the most vibrant thing on all of Lothal. Ezra had lived on Lothal his whole life, and for all its flaws he did love it, loved it in the tired, slightly exasperated way only a local could love it, but there was no denying that Lothal was kinda lacking in color. Every bit of the planet that Ezra had ever seen was cast in dusty brown and a green that wasn’t parched enough to be yellow, but certainly wasn’t vibrant enough to really deserve the name ‘green’, in dull, muted blues and ashen grays. Even the sea, which everyone agreed was supposed to be some sort of sparkling, shimmering thing, just looked… dull. And the sky over Capital City was perpetually overcast with a faint sheen of sickly-yellowish smog, so that didn’t help.

(It occurred to Ezra that he hadn’t started thinking about colors like this until he met Sabine. Before he met Sabine, he couldn’t have cared less about colors. And he didn’t even think it had that much to do with the crush, either. It just… It just felt like a natural consequence of living on the same ship as her. Ezra didn’t know how else to describe it.)

But there was Sabine, sitting in the open doorway into her cabin, poring over a sketchbook with the ends of her dyed hair partially hiding her face. Perfect opportunity.

“Hey,” Ezra said in a smooth voice, or what he hoped was a smooth voice, anyways; it wasn’t like he had tons of experience with this kind of thing. “Whatcha doin’?”

Sabine did not look up at him. Instead, her shoulders tensed, and her hand clenched on the pencil she was holding. After a little while (Ezra wasn’t sure how long; he stopped counting after thirty), she said, simply, “Sketching.”

Sketching, huh? Okay, he could work with that. Just gotta keep it up with the smooth voice. “Oh, sketching? Sooo, what do you draw when you sketch?”

Sabine’s brow furrowed, and there was another long pause before she answered him. “Landscapes, mostly."

“Just landscapes? No people?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and muttered something that sounded an awful lot like “Do we really have to do this again?” In a more normal voice, Sabine told him, “Not right now.”

“Okay, but ‘not right now’ doesn’t mean you never have, right?”

“………I guess?”

Ezra frowned as he tried to think of something he could say, something that would keep the conversation tied to sketching, and yet still be smooth. It would help, it would definitely help, if he actually knew that much about sketching. As it stood, Ezra’s formal education had ended the night his parents… went away, and what education he’d had since then was, asides from what Kanan was teaching him about the Force, completely self-taught. They hadn’t gotten to art yet when he was still attending school. Ezra wouldn’t be too shocked if you told him the public schools in Capital City just didn’t bother teaching students about art, ever. That kind of crappy, half-assed effort was about what Ezra expected from anything related to the public infrastructure of Lothal. Especially considering how long it was taking them to fix the non-functioning parts of the sewers that he’d used to dodge Imperial patrols for how many years now?

Maybe maintenance on public infrastructure being crappy beyond belief wasn’t all bad, after all.

Never mind the shoddy state of public infrastructure on Lothal, though. Ezra needed something about sketching, and in the scant seconds between Sabine’s ‘I guess’ and his reply, he wracked his brains for anything he knew about sketching. Anything that could be smooth.

A half-buried memory of watching a film Old Jho put on at his bar once guided Ezra as he forged ahead. “So, have you ever done sketching like that one vid?” What had been the name of that film? He’d left the bar in the middle of the film for reasons he couldn’t quite remember, though a few errant noises he half-consciously associated with the film were starting to resurface in his mind. It had been pretty late at night when Old Jho put it on; maybe he’d just been tired. (But somehow, he didn’t think that was it.) “Like that one vid with, umm, I think he was called Steele Brightstar?” More of those noises were coming back to him, and Ezra felt a twinge of unease, but he kept on, “Yeah, that was the guy. He was—what?”

Sabine had finally looked up from her sketchbook, and the look on her face… was less than encouraging. For starters.

“Steele Brightstar?” There was a quality to her voice like she didn’t know whether to screech or to laugh. “You mean Steele Brightstar the porn star?!”

Oh, fuck.

The only thing to do now was to enter immediate damage control, though as sweat began to bead on Ezra’s forehead, he became less and less certain that damage control was even a thing that existed in the galaxy. Ezra had the kind of luck that let him escape life-threatening situations with hardly a scratch, but he didn’t have the kind of luck that let him bow out gracefully from a serious social fuck-up.

The explanation was meant to be coherent. Articulate, even. It was meant to be something that could be quickly deployed, like air-dropping an EMP device over a battlefield to deactivate any droids or electronic bombs before running like hell away.

“Iuhhhhebbehohisthatwhothatguyisi’msorryi’msorrypleasedon’tkillme—”

It would have been better if the earth had yawned open under his feet and swallowed him up, just to get it over with. Or if he just spontaneously combusted; his face sure felt hot enough for that to be a possibility. What didn’t help was when Sabine did something Ezra had never seen or heard her do before, and burst into loud, hysterical laughter.

So the whole situation had devolved into this: Ezra squirming in the hallway, his face practically on fire and his stomach doing backflips like he was gonna be sick at any moment, and Sabine sitting in her doorway doubled over with laughter. Yeah, Ezra would definitely like the universe to just fold in on itself and kill him now. It would have been quicker than what was almost certainly gonna happen once Sabine stopped laughing.

Sabine got to her feet, still laughing. She had been laughing so hard that tears were glittering at the corners of her eyes, and there were patches of color in her cheeks that Ezra might have thought were pretty, if he wasn’t currently in mortal terror for his life.

“What’s going on?”

And the sound of Hera showing up from the Phantom to see what the racket was all about did not make Ezra any more confident about his chances of getting out of this thing in one piece.

He was at least spared the burden of having to explain himself to Hera by Sabine swallowing down her laughter to say, in a still decidedly unsteady voice, “Nothing, Hera. Just the kid shooting his mouth off. Again.”

Now was as good a time to flee as any other, and if Ezra knew anything, he knew when he needed to take advantage of an opening. He saw his opening. He fled.

Behind him, he heard Hera saying, her voice light with a bit of seriousness tinting the edges, “Uhh, should I be concerned?”

Ezra didn’t stick around long enough to listen to Sabine’s response. He just found a nice, safe air vent to hunker down in until Sabine wasn’t angry anymore or the sun exploded and swallowed the ship whole. Whichever came first.

-0-0-0-

Okay, so Ezra Bridger didn’t know much about flirting. You could hardly blame him, considering all the other things that had been more important to him over the past several years, finding somewhere dry and relatively warm to sleep and finding food enough to keep from starving chief among them. Ezra Bridger didn’t know that much about flirting, but he knew a few things about what constituted the limits of good taste. And accidentally referencing a porn star when he was just trying to flirt was so far outside the limits of good taste it wasn’t even in the same galaxy as it. He was not coming back from this one, not for a long time at least, and he’d be lucky if Sabine ever spoke to him outside of missions again. Maybe she wouldn’t even speak to him during the missions—he’d seen her signal the others with hand signals before, and might just switch to doing that with him full-time. And then he’d have to explain to the others why Sabine wasn’t talking to him anymore, and she had been here longer than him, after all, and…

He was spiraling a bit. He was doing that a lot more often than usual, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. He was spiraling, and there was nothing Ezra could actively do to stop it—he’d tried before, and that never worked. It would stop on its own eventually, though the upside-down feeling that accompanied it would take several hours more to dissipate.

Spiraling in an air vent was, well, the air vent was not the best place to spiral. His breathing got harsh and ragged, sometimes, and the sound tended to carry through the whole ship if he was loud enough and huddled in the wrong part of the vents. Kanan and Zeb were still out wherever it was they’d gone today, and Ezra thought he could sneak back to his cabin if he was quiet enough. Sabine did get pretty wrapped up in her work, after all. He’d been able to walk up behind her while she was working loads of times without her noticing until he’d started talking.

Ezra was about halfway to his cabin when any hope of heading in there to hide was dashed against the floor, never to get up again.

“Hey, kid? You got a minute?”

Ezra took a long, deep breath before turning to face her. She didn’t sound angry—at least, she didn’t sound like she was on the verge of punching him in the face. But that didn’t necessarily mean anything beyond the idea that maybe Sabine was better than he was at hiding when she was angry.

Oh, well, better get it over with. Ezra turned around, and the words were pouring out of his mouth before he could stop them: “OkaylookI’msorryIswearIdidn’tknowthatguywasapornstarIdidn’tmean—“

“Okay, okay!” Sabine half-snapped, waving a hand to quiet him. “I want to talk with you, not cave your teeth in.” Somehow, Ezra suspected the conversation could wind up taking a turn like that, if he wasn’t careful; the thing with the porn star had been way, way beyond the limits of good taste. “Just follow me.”

And Ezra did follow her, saying nothing until he realized where she was leading him. “The gangplank?” he asked skeptically.

Sabine just shrugged. “Why not? That’s where every other important conversation on this ship seems to take place.”

Sure. He’d feel less constrained outside, and while he wasn’t sure things would go that far, at least being outside would afford plenty of opportunities to run away.

Wind made the miles-long fields of grass all around the Ghost sway gently as Ezra and Sabine sat down on the gangplank. It might have been picturesque, but the grass was of decidedly uneven lengths and looked like hair on the scalp of a balding man more than it looked like anything else—no vitality to it at all. Ezra looked over at Sabine decidedly gingerly. She still didn’t look properly angry, but he’d be lying if he said she looked particularly happy. Probably better to let her start the conversation.

And it was a long time before Sabine did start the conversation. Her mouth twisted, brow furrowing as if she was trying to decide on what to say. Finally, she sighed and asked, “Okay, how old are you again?”

“Uhh, fourteen?”

Sabine’s lips thinned. “Okay. Unless you were literally raised by lothwolves, I think you’re old enough to know better, but let’s just… Fine, let’s just talk about this.” She turned at her waist to face him, frowning down. “Kid, for the last time, I am not interested in you.”

Well, that did sound pretty final. But just to be sure (and the part of Ezra that knew when he needed to stop pushing his luck was screaming at him not to do this, but he really did need to be sure), “Really?”

“Yes, really!” And she really was nearly shouting this time.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?”

“Because the glaring, the eye-rolling, and the refusal to flirt back didn’t make it crystal-clear that I wasn’t interested in you?” Sabine groaned and drummed her fingers on the gangplank. “Because while I may not have been raised in a culture that tells women they need to shut up and let men they don’t want flirting at them flirt at them to be ‘polite,’ I’ve spent the last few years in parts of the galaxy that believes that a lot.” She shrugged uncomfortably. “And Hera and Kanan wouldn’t tell you to back off—Kanan wasn’t taking it seriously, and I’m not sure Hera noticed—and I wasn’t sure how they’d react if I started yelling at you.”

Suddenly, Ezra felt more like he was going to be sick than he thought he’d ever been in his life. That’s not what I meant, but all that came out was a barely audible “Oh.”

As if she hadn’t even heard him, Sabine went on, voice a little shaky, “Like, I think it would have been okay. I think?” She looked at him meaningfully. “But you’re not the only one who feels like they’re walking on eggshells around the crew sometimes.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“You said that already. So.” Sabine poked Ezra on the shoulder. “Just to make sure everything is crystal clear: Not interested in you. I’m not interested in guys; I’m sure as hell not interested in you.”

Well, something had been dashed, though it turned out to be Ezra’s hopes and not his life. You’ve always got to look on the positive side of things, and Ezra supposed that if Sabine was still willing to speak to him at all after all this, there were some positives that could come from this supremely awkward conversation. “Okay, so by ‘not interested in guys,’ you mean ‘interested in girls?’”

“Yes.”

“Okay, just checking, because ‘not interested in guys’ could have meant ‘not interested in anybody,’ and I think I’ve already filled up my jackass quota for the day; I don’t wanna check under the lid to see how much I’ve got left.” Yeah, Ezra had already managed to dodge one blaster bolt and come out of it only lightly singed. He had no interest in dancing in front of the barrel of the blaster again. He didn’t feel like trying his luck that far.

Sabine leaned back, letting her weight fall on her arms. “I like girls, kid. Just girls, although…” She frowned thoughtfully. “I don’t know, you can’t really tell if someone’s nonbinary at first glance. I also haven’t had a lot of experience with species who don’t have the same gender constructs as humans and Twi’leks and… I don’t actually know anything about gender constructs among the Lasat; I’ve never been sure how Zeb would react if I asked him. And all that tends to vary between planets and cultures. I don’t like guys. I definitely don’t like guys.”

“Well, there are some pretty girls around Capital City.” Ezra smiled nervously. “If you want me to introduce you…”

A strange, hoarse sound like a choked-off laugh escaped Sabine’s mouth. “……Are you… are you volunteering to be my wingman or something?”

“……Maayyybbee?”

She did laugh this time, a short, sharp bark of a laugh that rang in the air before dying abruptly. “Thanks, but no thanks. If you do wingman like you do flirting, I feel like the only way you could be my wingman is to serve as someone for me to look better than by comparison. We—“ she became more serious “—are like a family on this ship, which makes you and me the kids. Brothers and sisters being each other’s wingmen is weird, kid.”

“I… guess?” But this time, he didn’t find any sadness or frustration in him, not even a slight twinge. ‘We’re like a family.’ She’d said it before, but considering the circumstances, Ezra hadn’t exactly taken it to heart. But maybe being part of a new family would be nice. Having a sister could be cool.

They sat in silence for a little while, neither willing to talk or to get up and head back inside. The atmosphere had turned almost pleasant, and Ezra didn’t want to be the one to spoil it. He didn’t want to be the one to spoil a lot of things.

Then…

“Steele Brightstar? Really?!”

“I didn’t know!”

“Where have you even heard of Steele Brightstar?”

“Well, where have you heard of Steele Brightstar?”

“We have smuggled a lot of shit in this ship since I joined up—“ Sabine made a face “—and as it happens, one of those shipments was a few crates of porn vids. Which we didn’t know where porn vids until we watched one of them to figure out what we were smuggling. Hera was pissed, Kanan made a lot of commentary that makes me really wonder about what he did for work before Hera picked him up, and Zeb just kept talking about how weird human anatomy is. Chopper kept complaining about the lighting for some reason. And you didn’t answer my question: where have you heard of Steele Brightstar?” She raised an eyebrow expectantly.

At least he had someone to pass the… whatever it was (blame or whatever) off onto this time, and quickly. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. Old Jho had one of Brightstar’s films playing in his bar one time when I went there?”

“What?” Sabine all but shrieked. “Oh, that is gross! And the bar’s a public space, too; doesn’t that violate public decency laws or something?”

“The people who kidnap people to make them work in forced labor camps care about public decency? That’s… weird.”

“They usually have pretty weird priorities, but good point. But Old Jho played a porn vid in his bar? Seriously??”

Ezra laughed, partly due to her reaction, partly due to the surfacing memory of his own disbelief and disgust. “Yeah, seriously. It was really gross, and this is coming from someone who’s had to go digging through dumpsters to get food a lot. People like that stuff?”

“Not anyone with good taste.”

“We have good taste?”

“Aagghh.”

Yeah, having an older sister sounded kinda cool.

[chestnutisland]

What program do you use, or what brush if photoshop, to make the coloring on your sketches look like it's painted? I have PS but I don't think the program comes with a brush like that, if it does please tell me where to find it! Also how long does it take you to do a simple sketch? I love your artwork, the colors are always so soft but vibrant.

Thank you! I use mainly Photoshop and openCanvas 1.1 for my drawings.

I’m not sure if there is a standard brush like the one in oC in Photoshop…I never found a watercolour/paintbrush that gave me that same effect. oC is a lot smoother in that aspect so I prefer it over Photoshop for most of my sketches. I mainly use Photoshop if I decide to ‘ink’ with crisp lines and colour using a more cell shade technique. Plus openCanvas 1.1 is free! There are many newer versions of the program out, but they aren’t free. I always loved this 1.1 version so I never needed an update.

You can download it here.

That being said, I usually sketch a few layers/sketches before ending up with the final one. Sometimes I have a lot of layers, sometimes only a few. It really depends on what I am drawing, really.

I recorded the event. file of the Seventeen sketch in openCanvas. Here, I’ll share it with you, and everyone else :P, so you can see how my process roughly usually goes. Sorry the quality might be not too good and it does go kind of fast…, I hardly ever upload vids lol. Also the song recorded as well LMAO. I was listening to Second Bite by Marco V if anyone wants to know ^_^.

[kponion]

no worries about the late reply. we all have lives outside of tumblr. at least hopefully we do. i'm a bit late now too. fyi it frustrates me when i come to your blog and see posts i'm dying to rb but then i'd reveal myself pfft

nah kpop problem is a nice problem to have. we could do worse. thanks for doing the list for me, i love checking people's bias lists. namjoon, renjun, love, seungkwan <3 is victon's sejun that guy who has a crater dimple? i once reblogged a gifset only for that dimple...

nice songs you picked. love me now <3 i love baby don't stop so much but i'm also a little bit biased bc ten and taeyong. thanks for the youngblood cover rec! loved that, their voices <3 have you seen the spark mv yet? not that there is much to see if you're not a fan of the drama but it has little bit of the boys too.

ok so on the topic of music videos. i don't remember if i listed mvs as to why i love kpop but they are a huge part. i have a yt playlist for my fave kpop mvs, it's about 100 vids and i'm positive it's missing gems since i'm still so new to kpop and i definitely haven't seen everything. i like to rewatch mvs a lot.

once again it's hard to list any fave mvs without it ending up being a mile long list. i love so many. i think i'm generally into ones with lots of cool choreo but i do like some other kinds too, like story driven a la bts spring day. other faves are stray kids god's menu, taemin advice (choreo! outfits! styling! back up dancers!), bts mic drop and fake love and blood sweat and tears, ateez thanxx (vibrant is what i would call it), bts stay gold (it's so pretty and colourful and hopeful, gives me good vibes), enhypen drunk-dazed (the vampire concept and i lovelove the choreo and outfits), everglow first, agust d daechwita and bts idol (both have these traditional korean influences which i love), onlyoneof libido (besides the sultry choreo i love the daring themes for a korean group), red velvet peek-a-boo, bts black swan (gorgeous location and dance plus they all look so damn good in all black), ateez illusion (always brings a smile to my face, love the cute pastel concept with dark undertones in the lyrics), exo obsession (creepy and badass and i love it), hyuna i'm not cool (little bit weird in the best way), so many of nct mvs like simon says and kick it and make a wish and cherry bomb and uhhh maybe i should stop here. it ended up being a messy mile long list anyway, i apologise. i don't really know how else to say what i love in mvs. does these even give any kind of general view on what i like? idk. i don't think i dislike anything? maybe i just don't fixate that much on things i don't like, so i forget about them.

what are some of your fave mvs? can you say what you like and dislike in mvs?

-☀️🌙

I sure hope we all do too. So no worries! And haha, i can understand the struggle. You just have to go back and reblog everything once this is over, haha.

No problem! I think i's fun to talk about to! And crater dimple is accurate lol. Sejun really has the deepest dimple (almost everyone in victon has dimples, it's insane and i'm so weak for dimples it's not even funny).

Thanks for the reminder, i watched spark now! It was really good. And the drama looks super cute, maybe i should check it out.

Wow, that's quite a list, but don't apologise! I also think mvs are one of the reasons kpop is so interesting. They put so much into them, the production value must be insane. You've listed a lot good ones! Love the camera work and the cuts in skz's god's menu. And i also love mvs with traditional korean concepts/influences like idol, daechwita, oneus' lit, and a.c.e's goblin (favourite boys). (if you love traditional korean concepts you should check out a.c.e's version of arirang if you haven't seen it already, it's mind-blowingly good).

I especially have two mvs i will never shut up about. The first one is cix's jungle. It's just stunning in every way. The concept is fantastic, it's inspired by dante's divine comedy. It has some of the most beautiful scenes i've ever seen in a mv. And the choreo cuts are great, just the fact that they're dancing in water hhhhhnnnnn.

The second one is golden child's burn it. It's not even a mv, it's a wholeass zombie movie. It's so cool and beautiful and just heartbreaking. I almost cried when i saw it the first time.

I think i especially like mvs with a storyline. I find those more interesting. Honorable mentions are monsta x's all in and stray kids' side effects. Oh, and onlyoneof's libido, bc holy shit, that was something else. But then i also have a big soft spot for bright and goofy mvs, i love those. Like n.flying's the real and hot potato, skz's awkward silence and get cool, astro's breathless, and exo's power.

Oh, and i also have to mention kang daniel's paranoia, that one blew me away. And onewe's rain to be, love what they did with that one.

Lol i also ended up writing a whole essay. And i've probably forgotten mvs i love. Anyway, hope you have a nice day (or whatever time of day it is for you now)!

[kwanfairy]

CHOICE TAG

Rules: Answer the questions (if you want to skip one, feel free to do that too of course!). Tag 3 people (or more or less, you choose really). Tag your post with #CHOICE_tag so we can find each other’s posts! Have fun!!

I was tagged by @choi-hae - thanks love for always thinking of me (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

I’m tagging: @aamorella @moonsehyoon @kimbye0ngkwan

i know i havent interacted with either of you 3 yet and i feel kinda akward for calling you out like this so pls feel free to ignore.

1. Introduce yourself. You choose how much and how little!

hi hi im Bikki and i hate introducing myself cause i never know what to say lmao. im a pretty big loser with a big heart and an unhealthy obsession with anything dog related cause dogs are everything („ಡωಡ„)

2. How and when did you become a CHOICE?

ive started to get into kpop fairly 'late' (in 2016) and by the time undercover dropped a year later i was still quite confused and overwhelmed but i remember i really liked the song (and could not for the life of me tell bk and sehyoon apart in that MV wtf @ 2017 me LOL). fast forward to 2020 when favourite boys hit me like a truck and honestly it all is kind of a blur afterwards lmao. the aes of the MV had me fall in love with them instantly and i think i watched a bunch of 'funny moments' vids and stuff and it all spiraled from there

3. What is your favourite part of being a CHOICE?

4. What is your favourite A.C.E song? Do you prefer their title tracks or b-sides more?

this fandom mirrors the boys' crackhead energy like i have yet to meet a choice who isnt just as weird as the fools themselves and i absolutely love it (◡‿◡)

also: being choice means being a fan of ace and whats better than that

i really cant say. i like each song for very different reasons. i love Stand By You for its soft yet melancholic vibes. i love Golden Goose cause their performance on theshow killed me. id literally go feral listening to Hell if they finally. give us. a studio version. :) :) :)

5. Who’s your bias? What do you like about them?

my bebi Byeongkwan for sure eventho i also feel very drawn to Sehyoon cause we are pretty similar personality wise (i say as i dont really know him at all lmao). but best boi BK will put me into simp mode in -0.34 secs. i cant really say why i just love this gorgeous lil firecracker (ಥ◡ಥ) and im obsessed with ppl calling him fairy it literally makes me flatline cause yes yall are so right.....

but really, im a huge simp for them all (yes... even jun eventho it makes me gag to admit it LMAO)

6. What is your favourite thing about A.C.E?

how they play (and fuck) with gender norms and try out so many different things, esp style-wise. to me, it is such an aesthetically pleasing group(point proven with the siren teasers id say). i also love how natural they seem. like they dont bother about upholding a fake image. i esp get that feeling of 'just 5 dudes being friends' which i love so dearly during their vlives - its so refreshing and fills my heart so much

7. Which concept has been your favourite? What kind of concept do you want them to try?

8. Which A.C.E friendship is your favourite? Which one do you want to see more of?

id say undercover is pretty high up there (i mean pig tails crop top BK .......) but it looks like siren will take the crown once she drops....

i showed my anti(kpop) friend the intro:escape video and she said it gave her the creeps in a good way and ever since i have gone mad wanting a horror concept omfg

9. If you could tell A.C.E one thing, what would you tell them?

given that wowkwan are soft, tender, gentle boyfriends who have all my fucking uwus and therefore dont count, id say dongjun. wait nevermind these are husbands... ok junchan it is. i just love their father-son vibes

id love to see more donghun/sehyoon but only if grandpa doesnt call yoon fat or pig cause thats a big nono!!! or dongkwan cause i cant really think of any moments of them wth

how dare yall (¬_¬)

10. Which A.C.E member would die first in a horror movie?

11. Leave a small message for your fellow CHOICE!

i think its funny that everyone says jun but lets be honest.. the dumb ones usually make it longer dksdjkl

it for sure is sehyoon cause this airhead would probably get lost in his own thoughts without even noticing that he got separated from the others. the second his man BK isnt with him anymore to protect him its over for him lol

how are you all dealing with the teasers share your secrets cause im not doing so well :')

no but srsly the choice ive interacted with have been so incredibly nice and kind and patient with me and i love how this small lil fandom is so vibrant and caring both towards the boys and one another.

[ashinan]

again I went the sappy soft route because Keith’s birthday deserves soft, that boy deserves all the soft, so please enjoy this offering to the Voltron fandom. happy bday, space sweetheart.

home isn’t a place

The mission had gone well for once; Keith had slipped under the radar and planted the bug before the sentries had completed their second rotation. All information was being forwarded to the Blade. The trip back to the base was equally quiet, Keith settling in his seat as he set the flyer to autopilot. Another day, another mission, another stretch of time where Keith was left alone with his thoughts. Biting his lip, he flicked on the console, feeding it through a proxy before selecting the Voltron Coalition promotional videos.

The volume was muted, but Keith knew the words anyway. He’d watched the vids near obsessively, though it did little to fill the ache in his chest at acknowledging his team moving on without him. Shiro leapt into frame, striking a silly pose, and Allura followed after. The sequence was one well known: they would soon pick up the boxed forms of the Voltron Lions and defeat a papier-mâché Zarkon. Flashes of light flared across the screen. Keith tucked his feet up on the seat, chin resting on his knees as he took in his team. Exuberant. Content. Hilarious.

He scrubbed at his eyes.

The ship docked with a quiet hum and Keith shut everything down, wiping the consoles and tugging up his hood. As he swung down, Vrei was waiting for him, leaning against the far wall. Her hood was down, the sharp contours of her face cast primarily in shadow and elongating her nose. She’d decided on a slick salt and pepper Mohawk apparently. She perked up when Keith approached her.

“How’d it go, shortstuff?” she asked, reaching out for the data stick Keith handed her. “Injuries? Fatalities? Vex was surprised when everything remained quiet on the emergency comms.”

“Ha ha,” Keith deadpanned, smiling beneath his mask. Vrei ran her claws under Keith’s hood, scratching at the crown of his head, and Keith leaned into it. “Everything was fine. That should be enough data to tide Kolivan over for at least a few days.”

Vrei chuckled, tapping Keith’s hidden nose. “Have you learned nothing, kit? Leader is never satisfied. He’s always finding ways to make us more miserable.”

Tugging Keith along with her, Vrei led him further into the base. Other Blades wandered by, greeting them both with soft words or nonverbal nods. Vrei kept up a one-sided conversation, her voice low and calming, enough that Keith swayed more than once as fatigue settled in. Vrei caught him by the back of the neck, tucking him close to her side as she continued to talk, the rumble of her voice settling over Keith like a blanket.

The Blade sleeping quarters were close by. Vrei steered them toward it, even as Keith protested over missing the briefing. She scoffed at him, cuffing him gently, before offering to take the information to Kolivan herself. It wasn’t often that Keith was grateful for a break, too afraid of his own thoughts to truly want for quiet, but he leaned against Vrei in thanks. She laughed, pleased and purring.

Pausing at Keith’s assigned quarters, Vrei tugged the hood down and tapped at Keith’s forehead. The mask dematerialized. “Let’s get a look at that pretty face.” She tilted his chin up, glowing eyes scanning his features for anything damaged. Keith allowed it, clenching his jaw to stifle a yawn. Satisfied, Vrei nodded. “Now, there’s a comm and package in there for you, came in on the wire while you were undercover. Get some sleep, and for star’s sake take a shower. We’ll see you at meal prep.”  

“Yeah, yeah,” Keith said, smiling when Vrei dropped her nose to Keith’s forehead before shoving him gently toward the door. It swished open, the dark interior fuzzily lit, before sliding closed behind him.

The Blade had provided him with quarters fit for Galra, not for humans. Well, not the human that Keith pretended to be. In the far corner was a makeshift ‘bed’, a collection of blankets and stuffed pillows that Keith had assembled into something comfortable. The Blade slept with small comforts, though Vrei and Vex had actively collected blankets and pillows from the other Blade members to gift to Keith when he’d first arrived. The gesture had endeared Keith to the both of them.  

Along the side wall near the refreshing room were a series of buttons and sliding panels, housing multiple Blade suits, the soft training outfits, and the only remaining clothes Keith had brought with him. Placed on one of the haphazardly arranged pillows was a comm unit, and beside it a sizeable metal container, tall enough that Keith would have to hop to sit on it.  

Sighing, Keith flopped down onto the bed, picking up the comm unit. If it was Kolivan sending him out again, then there was no point changing just yet. Swiping through to the messages, he scrolled by the general reports from other Blade, searching for anything from Kolivan. Instead, his fingers froze over a message from Voltron.

Sitting up, Keith opened it and tilted the comm unit down, allowing the holo projection to appear in front of him. Hunk and Pidge appeared first, faces too close and squished side by side, before Pidge shoved at Hunk’s cheek and the two of them stepped back. Lance squirmed his way into view. Shiro rolled his eyes behind the three of them, Allura at his side, and Coran yelled from somewhere off frame. With a sigh, Shiro yanked everyone into place, enough that the screen was viewing them all.

Keith scrubbed at his eyes again, balancing the comm unit on his knees as Coran slipped in beside Allura and they all shouted a greeting. Keith smiled, giddy warmth blooming beneath his breastbone. They talked over each other, voices a cacophonous mess that rang in Keith’s ears and settled his muddy thoughts, kicking his heart up. Pidge leapt forward, grabbing the camera and swinging it to her face.

“Listen, Keith, you have to tell Lance that he can’t keep running Red into asteroid fields. She’s going to eject him.”

“She is not!” Lance snapped, shoving Pidge down and out of sight. Her squawk of rage was muffled. “She loves me just as much as Blue does, thank you very much. But dude, dude, she is fast as hell. How you keep up is beyond me.”

Keith laughed, pulling the screen closer. His friends talked over each other, run on sentences bumping into fractured name calling coalescing into everyone just babbling about what Keith had missed. Shiro stood behind them all, a soft smile on his face as his gaze bounced from the group to meet Keith’s eyes, giving a slight wink when Hunk and Lance argued over the finer points of Lion tailgating. Keith reached up and touched the hologram, exhaling sharply when his fingers slid through and the image wavered. It distorted further as his gaze blurred; he dropped his head, hiding his eyes as he listened.

“We’ve sent you a package,” Allura said, talking over the squabble of Pidge, Lance, and Hunk. Keith glanced up. “Apologies, a ‘care’ package. We hope you enjoy it.”

“I threw in some puzzles and baked you some things. Hopefully, they’ve kept.” Hunk lifted a hand, counting off. “Cookies, a cake of some sort, those weird veggie stalks you’re into – oh! I found some seasoning and oils and managed to make some chip like combination. They’re killer.”

Pidge popped up. “Video games. Hunk and I finagled together a portable system with some of the older Earth games. It should keep you from getting too bored between missions and help keep you from becoming all work, no play. We know how you get.”

“General care products,” Lance drawled, hanging between Pidge and Hunk. “You’re stupid bad at actually taking breaks, my dude, but you gotta try the stuff I sent you. It will change your life, I promise.”

Shiro stepped forward, placing a hand on Pidge’s head. “There are a few extra items in there from all of us, just things to show we’re still thinking of you. We hope your missions are going all right.” Shiro’s voice dropped, soft and wistful. “We miss you around here. Come visit when you can, okay? You’re always welcome home.”

Ducking his face down, Keith thumbed over the hologram, uncaring as it wobbled. Home. The image froze on all their faces, open and earnest and loving, tinged blue and smiling for Keith. He smiled back, wiping at his wet cheeks as he laughed. His chest was warm, the hollow ache filled and covered completely.

Hitting replay, he balanced the comm unit on a pillow and stood, poking at the metal container. As Lance and Hunk went into the particulars about a move they used on a Galra fleet that caused a chain reaction, the container opened with a hiss of displaced air. Wrenching the top off, Keith removed the bumper sheet.

Quietly, reverently, Keith unpacked the box. When the recording stopped, he restarted it, drowning in the humming cadence of his friends’ voices. Inside, he found Hunk’s gifts, puzzles of various colours and sizes, containers filled to the brim with fresh baked goods and recipe cards in case Keith wanted to recreate them. He popped a chip into his mouth, groaning in surprise as barbeque exploded over his tongue. He shoved three more into his mouth before wiping his fingers off on his suit.

The console Pidge talked about was tucked into an incredibly soft towel, its pattern a vibrant red slashed with black accents. The console was palm sized and compact, but when unfolded amounted to a screen about the size of a small TV with a holographic keyboard. Pidge hadn’t been kidding about the games: there were over six hundred and thirteen titles. Each game was completed with a high score and Pidge’s name. Keith grinned. Challenge accepted.

Lance’s gift was wrapped up in an elegant gift basket, tied with a ribbon and crinkly tissue paper. Rolling his eyes, Keith sliced through the thin paper with his knife, startling at the flood of scent that immediately rushed him: trees after rain, fruity bubble bath, a woodfire crackling. Breathing in deep, Keith dropped the basket on the bed and dug out the rest of Lance’s items. A robe made of silken fabrics and brilliant red, a strange device that Lance had scribbled ‘FEET’ on, and a small shaving and haircut kit.

Beneath, blankets pillowed the bottom. When Keith yanked them free, he was startled into recognizing his own blanket from his room back on the Castle. A single pillow, fluffy and slightly indented, rolled out onto the bed. His pillow. His favourite one. Wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, Keith arranged the pillow into his makeshift bed, squishing his fist into the material and laughing dizzily.  

Once satisfied, Keith peered into the bottom of the container. There were a series of smaller boxes, arranged carefully. Unpacking each was an adventure, Keith nearly toppling into the crate as he unearthed each one. The packages were tied off with different coloured ribbons, likely symbolizing each Paladin. There was another box, thing and long, at the very bottom. Deciding ‘fuck it’, he leapt into the container and tossed it out, snickering at the image he likely made. Shiro would get a kick out of it for sure.

Climbing out of the container, he settled back on the bed, tucking his blanket beneath his thighs as he collected the gifts. He started with the green one, tearing into it and finding a small earpiece placed delicately upon foam material. A note was attached to it from Pidge, scrawled instructions that Keith glanced over before fitting the ear piece in. A thin holographic appeared over his right eye, frequencies scrolling by. She’d gifted him an encrypted space cell phone.

The yellow gift was heavy and tall, enough that Keith had to rise to his knees just to rip it open. Inside were holopads upon holopads, and a small machine with a note from Hunk attached to it. Glancing over it, Keith raised a brow and removed his knife from its sheath, dropping it into the machine with aplomb. It beeped, the top closing, and hummed quietly while Keith waited. When it was complete, the machine beeped again, top opening. The blade was pristine. Only Hunk would develop a blade cleaning machine. Keith chuckled.

The blue and pink ribboned gift was smaller, though no less bulging. When Keith opened it, blankets popped out, spilling over his lap. The fabric was ridiculously warm, thick and comfortable. The note was a mixture of Allura and Lance’s style, sentences running over each other, but the sentiment was the same: space was cold and Keith needed proper insulation. His heart warmed.

The final gift, the thin, black box, Keith unwrapped carefully. Inside was a smaller box and a shimmering blade made of silver hued metal. The sword was double edged and gleaming, ending in a wicked tip. Gold accents burnished the metal; purple and gold fabric twined around the handle. Keith’s mouth went dry. Gently, he drew his fingers over the side of the blade, expecting the cut but only finding a dull edge. Decorative, likely, but could be used if sharpened. Excited, Keith hefted the blade, dazed by the balance and ease with which it settled in his palm. He settled it in the cushy blanket and picked up the smaller box, shaking it slightly.

When he pulled the black ribbon aside, Shiro’s note was the first thing he saw. Beneath it were a series of packages, all garbled with alien languages. Glancing over the note, he laughed at Shiro’s rambling excitement about alien rations that didn’t taste like sawdust bound with Elmer’s glue, as well as the second request for Keith to come home. As he dug through the package, eyebrow raised at some of the pictures on the labels, his fingers brushed hard glass. Tossing most of the ration packages beside him, he unearthed four small glass frames.

Frames with pictures.

Gently, Keith ran his fingers over the edges of the glass. Each picture was of him with another Paladin: caught between Lance and Hunk hugging him, Pidge on his back demanding rides, Allura pushing his mouth up to make him smile. Shiro with his arm wrapped around Keith’s neck, tugged close and head thrown back in laughter. His fingers shook. Stars above, he missed them. His friends. His family.   

Sucking in a breath and shoving his palms against his eyes to halt the tears, Keith collected himself. Once he was certain of his composure, he reached for the comm unit. Clicking over to a reply vid, he set it up so that his face was no longer in shadow, the blanket clear on his shoulder. Contentment softened the bruises beneath his eyes. With his gifts around him, he hit record and smiled.

“Thanks for the message and the presents, guys. I miss you all too.”

[finlaylawesarcadegame]

Week 2 Blog posts (11/01/21)

Playlist (11/01-17/01) [disusing what type of media I have taken in this week]

This week I have played a lot of this video game called rust and watched a lot of gameplay about it on YouTube. Essentially the game is a survival game where you build a base, gather loot from locations and raid people.

This game has really stood out to me and a lot of other people too recently. I think this game has really blew up because of some cool concept’s it beings like you being able to run around and talk to people. This brings a bunch of cool possibilities because you can run up to people and ask if they want to squad up with, you can talk to people to try and negotiate for trading and for each other to be peaceful, and what A LOT of people do is use the voice chat for trash talking which occurs too often to count. A feature that has really brought me into the game is the graphics because the scenery in this game is so aesthetically amazing to look at, There are amazing sunny beaches with he sun glazing over you, very colourful forest’s filled with tree’s and bushes and a lot more scenery like snow biomes. This game makes people really get an intense feeling all the time because when ever your outside of your base you’re always on the look out for enemy players and especially when your trying to clear out a place like air field or the super market you are going to be in constant gun fight’s so I think people have enjoyed the constant action and the rush this game brings.

Unfortunately though I don’t see anything from this game being able to help me with me arcade game because they are complete opposite game’s and run completely different. However in the future when I do some more map making I will definitely look at  rust for how they make such amazing landscapes and how they make really cool buildings. 

Cultural Sources:

Mortal Combat: for game it isn't going to be a 1v1 fighting game like mortal combat but I have an idea for plunkey to use martial arts or just basic kicks and punches becuase he is a semi buff cactus. This will mix things up because the playable character [pablo] will use guns, princess shoots out fire and plunkey can be a close up heavy damage fighter. 

I feel like taking on side kick approach for plunkey because his character doesn't give my a agile look so I think he could on perform a side kick. 

Kirby: Kirby’s game has some excellent pixel going on because the whole scene is always filled with bright colours that catch the eye. What we have is a nice peaceful background that always has a calm look and great for younger player’s because this game is so attractive to look at so kids keep playing.

This is perfect for me because for my arcade game I want it to be made for more of the younger audience so I’m going to need to include loads of vibrant colours. So throughout my pixel art I'm going to make sure to keep looking at how Kirby make their maps to get a good idea’s of what colours work with what.

Terraria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MehjrxLfwbM

If I get down to making some music for my game then I want something like terraria’s boss music which is intense but and has an ecstatic felling when you listen to it. My game wouldn’t feel right to have some hard core rock type music in it because the aim for the game is to be made for younger players so some electric style music like what terraria has will suit well for my game.

Terraria also uses a lot of peaceful colour’s that make a nice open world scene. This is good because I need to have a background [most likely] for my game so having nice detailed clouds and a shaded blue sky will be good. 

Red Dead Redemption 2: Now I will start of by saying that the way my game works will be absolutely nothing like RDR2 however the whole of RDR2 resolves around cowboy’s and that is what MY main character is. The playable character that I have [Pablo] is a piñata cowboy and some thing’s i want to have is duel wilding pistols and a lot of pistol action is showing in RDR2 so I could definitely so how i should design my guns, see if recoil would look cool in game etc. 

A cool possible idea I may have is that in may game as time goes on you may change outfit to have a cool new design so I could have my character change into a full on cowboy outfit with the hat, jacket, trousers, boots and all. There are many way’s I could go about having my character change clothes during the game because I could have pick up items spawn in that once you walk over you change into that outfit, this uses of this could be that this is a power up doing things such as allowing to have more HP, stronger weapons or if I want I could just have because it looks cool and provides the player with a cool feature.

Code Monkey’s top down shooter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eyx3EfqqfMw

A YouTube named ‘’code monkey’’ made a top down shooter and a really nice aspect I like about his game is the gun fire. The reason why i love the gun fire so much is because it’s extremely explosive when its shot as it releases a big flash of light and the bullets travel really smoothly. When I make my game I want to have princess [The chili girl] to shoot flame balls and in code monkey’s game he has a cool fire ball design that I might try and mimic. 

When you kill someone in this game it brings you a lot of satisfaction because blood splashes everywhere making you feel accomplished because there is an end result so if I try to implement this I will have to add green blood for plunkey and some fantasy colour for princess to keep it nice and PG.

Further Audience Discussion [ Pick three games and bullet point how they hit the same audience as my target audience]

Kirby: 

Gameplay of modern Kirby game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHntlksVFMI

Bright vibrant colours

nice colour combo’s 

the game has a lot going on in the scene and in gameplay keeping children focused

Very kid friendly as it’s not dark or have any blood, weapons etc it’s all kid friendly designed

Terraria: 

Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVj9N8OShAk

Electronic music makes children more focused on the game because of the intensity

Peaceful scenery that is aesthetically pleasing to look at

The music has so much going on 

Code Monkey’s top down shooter: 

Gameplay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eyx3EfqqfMw

Big flashes of light when gun shots are fired, this makes the game interesting to look at as much more is happening in the scene when this happens

Sparks from the fire ball, this adds some nice dim flames of red to the scene to keep the scene interesting, this keeps kids focused in the game and they wont loose attention due to the sparks.

The health bar the the enemies have and the player have keep players being cautious as they will know how weak they are. Players will also be more focused on killing enemies as they know how much HP everything has so they will be focusing on how to go about things.

What research are you implementing?

Recently I have been watching some YouTube vids on pixel art and refreshing my memory on how to do the basics like importing my pixel art, making flip books etc. I have also gone back and looked at how to set animations for certain movements like having a jumping animation for when my player jumps, having an idle animation etc.

Tools List:

Gimp, Pixel Studio for pixel art, unreal engine and asepirite 

Test Making Something

I have test made making some animations to get used to my new program called asepirite. With asepirite I can now make pixel art very efficiently with A LOT of helpful tools and settings. Another great feature is that I can make animations for my pixel art which is going to now allow me to start making a bunch of cool pixel art for my game.

This is one example ^^^

Weekly Reflection:

What went well? I have been completing all my Tumblr blog work making sure everything is up to date and I have downloaded some sources like GIMP, pixel studio for pixel art and asepirite to help me out with all the characters and animations. I also successfully managed to get some pixelated animations working that will look nice for my game.

Also whilst I have been searching for pixel art programs I also decided to watch some turtourials on the basics of pixel art becuase my pixel art skill is still not as good as I want it to be so I have been watching some videos to help provide me with some useful tips.

Here is 1 video that I watched:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1t0keLufMw

What could of gone better? I think that I definitely could of done some unreal engine work but I couldn't find anything for pixel art but I have now found a something to do pixel art with so hopefully I can start cracking down. Other than that my only other issue is some time management as I don't do things when I want to and should be doing the work when its set instead of waiting a couple of day’s however, I still complete my work befre the week has ended.

What are you planning to do next week? next week I want to really crack down on making my game because before this week I couldn't find anything to do my work on. But now I have something to do pixel art on I will try to do a lot of work on my game.

[xueyangs-pinky-finger]

Hey there!! I will be making your gift for the Wangxian gift exchange. You've already given some very specific requests (thank you!) but I still want to ask if you'd like to see something in particular? Or if you want to add something that you forgot?

hi!!! ♡ ah i’m excited; this is my first time doing one of these ^^

lol yeah i hope you don’t feel boxed in by my likes or anything~ i spent a long time trying to think of things bc i’m not used to having to list my likes like that, and i tried to give a lot of options and cover the bases of the different content types. i really will like most anything, i swear alsdkf. but if you’d like some more ideas:

i know i already mentioned this but bunnies are always a win with me. like i’m not a cat person or a dog person, i’m a bunny person. and i just feel like it’s so rare to see buns in a show out of the context of e*ting or h*nting them. so cql gets like a thousand brownie points from me for that, even if the way they handle them sometimes makes me cringe and i think those buns are saints for putting up with it, bc any bun i’ve ever met would be squirming and scratching and getting tf outta there aksdf. i seriously love the bunny scenes so much omg. like earlier i went through them again for giffing purposes, and just. something about lwj handing a bun off to wwx i?? was near tears??? i live for that soft shit 😫

oh, also: reciprocity!! it rly bugs me in dramas when there’s just one character that does stuff for the other all the time. so i rly appreciate how wangxian do things for each other and it isn’t too one-sided~

i also appreciate the dramatic/power couple side of wangxian~

if you’d like to make some kind of crossover content, some other things i like are julie and the phantoms, stranger things, his dark materials, disney movies/songs, nct, bvndit, tgcf, john mulaney... my other fav dramas include 2gether, cherry magic, history3: trapped, like in the movies, the gifted, i haven’t finished them but i like what i’ve seen of it’s okay to not be okay and hotel del luna as well~ & for youtubers there’s danny gonzalez, drew gooden, kurtis conner, jarvis johnson, mikaela long, maddison bush, mike’s mic, buzzfeed unsolved/watcher, brian david gilbert, and jenna marbles whom i always miss...

for gfx/edits: it’d be fun to have something i could use, like icons, headers, or wallpapers, bc i myself am useless at gfx as you can probably tell by my drab mobile layout rn. 🤦🏻‍♀️

for gifsets: i love vibrant n colorful gifs! gradients! all the colors ahh!!! in all my years of giffing, i’ve always had to use self-restraint so as not to go overboard with the vibrancy lmao.

for fanvids: it could be a fmv (you could poke around my spotify for a song, tho you’ll mostly just find kpop lol) or perhaps a crack vid combining cql with something else i like (e.g. i’d love to see more buzzfeed unsolved ones lol)~

i feel like i’m just rephrasing and elaborating on things i’ve already mentioned rip but i hope this helps you think of an idea!! sorry this is so long alksd; hopefully something i said gave you some inspiration 💕