#i always say im gonna delete it but i cant cuz i have friends on there who cant contact me if i delete tt :(

[kasperzinfected]

i posted one of my portal ocs on tiktok and people got mad over me saying that she was dating GLaDOS and Chell like huhh 😦 every day i get closer to deleting that damn app

[pale-cheezit]

Ill never forget the night of the 2016 election, my good friend from high school who went off to college and became a deranged socialist, went insane on Instagram posting like 6 different pictures of hillary clinton with captions like "my girl is gonna be the president in less than 8 hours!!!" "Im so proud of this queen!!" "This is MY president" "i cant believe we are about to have our first woman president!" and then hillary lost and she had to quietly delete all those pictures lmfaooooo

I cant remember what happened next, pretty sure i ended up unfollowing her around that time cuz she was insufferable and wouldnt sstop saying the dumbest shit you could ever imagine, and on top of that she was always cocky and self righteous about how intelligent and original she was. This person was our class president senior year of high school by the way🤡 lmaoooo

[omanu]

hey, i just wanted to pop in and say that if i remember correctly you posted a selfie a while ago and i was thinking oh my god that's such a pretty person i need to draw him, and i tried going back to find it again but i think you deleted it since? which is perfectly ok, even if i didn't get a chance to draw you im glad i got to see you!! we've been mutuals for a few years now atp i think and im pretty horrible at talking to people, but when i came back to tumblr after a year or so and i saw you in my notifs it really felt like omg that's my friend! like yknow coming back into a barren wasteland and then someone pops up like hey bud im still here 😭 idk as i said im pretty bad at talking to people, but i do enjoy seeing you in my notifs, and as someone who's halfway to 30 and still in college with one single friend i feel you, but i also think it'll get better and no one is destined to be alone and miserable, even if it's really hard to not feel like it, and i think even if happiness takes a while to get to it's still gonna be worth it, everyone, and i truly mean Everyone!!! deserves to know they have a place in this world, we deserve to take up space and be ourselves and find people who want us the way we are, and ive been there where your brain tells you to just die already but honestly. im glad im still here and im glad you're still here, even if all it means is that i get to smile when i see you in my notifs <3 im one of those people who think if someone likes and reblogs my posts then we're friends already, so even if im just a silent little thing in your phone, im still here!! and so are you!!! and i think that's pretty neat

so yeah, anyway, that got a little long winded, but i hope, even if slowly and sometimes a little painfully, you'll find something and someone who makes you happy, you deserve to stick around and find little things (and big ones, too!) that bring you joy <3

- a beloved mutual

aah just know that i think i read these messages like a day after you sent them! im really touched, like, fjdkkf first of all, there is someone here?? second of all, thank you so much? for everything you said.

usually, rarely (?) when i get on here it's bc i feel so bad in my head that i dont think ppl on my twitter (where I live) deserve seeing any of my whining... and to be honest that place is not safe for that cuz strangers are always jumping on people for anything and everything, so thats why i come here to cry. im sorry for that cuz it makes it look like im always miserable, which is kinda true, but when it gets unbearable i need to write shit down. so, im here now, meaning: i was gonna do what i always do here :D but then i remembered i had to reply this message dkdkd

it's so cool that youre almost 30 thats amazing, and thanks for sharing that you Get Me cuz you probably do, this makes it feel more normal. Usually i dont really mind being so alone but it always gets to me at some point. and it's kinda like,, i totally believe i could be okay living like this, i wouldn't mind. but some days when everything seems shitty and ugly it feels so bad, yknow? im sorry i cant really be that positive rn, after all i came here to cry, but this is a nice way to try and stir away from my usual single pity-party.

and i cant believ u saw my selfie cuz the day after i felt really weird, like why did i say all of that, i am a loser! i dont even know why i complain about having no one cuz on my normal days i just know i dont mind it. so weird.

anyways! thanks again im glad youre here!!!

[idanchou]

aughafuffle

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

[merlinssaggyyfronts]

BBC Merlin Rewatch:

01x01: The Dragon’s Call

—

FIRSTLY THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION LMAO “Merlin, a young country boy” COUNTRY BOY AHAHDHSNDH IF ONLY YOU KNEW!!! ITS LIKE SETTING SOMEONE UP FOR DISASTER BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WERE SO LIKE I MEAN-

aw look at merlin all happy and smily, walking into camelot like he isnt going to witness the death of his best friend/king and basically everyone he loves

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY!!! HE DOESNT KNOW YET

“like everyone, he must live and learn” yo shut ur bitchass up lizard man u literally tried to murder everyone in camelot that one time

“his name: traumatised 😍😍”

AH YES THE OPENING!!1!1!-!-! AHHH THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I FEEL HEARING THE OPENING

fuck ur bitchass uther no one likes u

“i pride myself as a fair and just king” sir didnt u like basically kill ur wife... and thousands of peo- OH MY GOD MORGANA BB ILY

oh jesus okay hes dead um chile-

“when i came to this land” wait i thought he was raised kn camelot brb i forgot im an idiot wait,,, does this mean before this it was the du bois family on the throne of camelot?? also, mired in chaos? u mean like.... before ur wife died and everyone was living peacefully? ....okay

“merlin, seeing a person who's been stated had been studying magic get beheaded: [a magical being himself] ah,, welcoming.” -my gf

“since the great dragon was captured” ....so did no one think about where they put a dragon?? a captured one at that. ud think he’d be more smart but nah he just left a random ass dragon under his castle like THAT is going to end well

YUHH MARY COLLJNS HATE HIM!!! YELL BABEY YELL!!! “you took my son!” YES MURDER HIM OMG I CAN FEEL HER PAIN

“a son for a son!” omg why couldnt u have killed uther bb ur the perfect villain i love u ur literally just a loving mother i-

OOOOO GAIUS

.....why is there a bunny mask in there

why is thERE A BUNNY MASK-

why didnt merlins eyes glow when he dragged the bed to gaius to save him

also whats this slomo magic why didnt he do this after this why did season one haveso much magic and like every other season was just everyone throwing it back

like i get instinctual magic but like.... if its instinctual wouldnt it happen more especially when his powers get stronger-

gaius: what did you just do?!

also gaius, five seconds later: i know what it was!! i just wanted to know where you learned it

merlin: 😐

merlin, about his magic: i was born like this

gaius, who knows full well warlocks exist: impossible!

(are warlocks naturally born knowing how to use magic without learning? i mean if u have to learn magic like a sorcerer then whats the difference between a warlock and a sorcerer cuz wouldnt sorcerers atleast have to have some magic in them to actually cast spells? am i dumb or do i just not get it)

wait so merlin arrived in camelot on a wednesday

merlin, walking into camelot: it is wednesday my dudes

merlin: [witnesses an execution] aaaAAAAAA-

“someone that might help him find a purpose of his gifts” oh honey he’ll get something mUCH LARGER THAN THAT-

—

oH MORGANA

SHUT UR BITCHASS UTHER SHE WILL KILL YOU-

“the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” oh the waY SHE PREDICTED THEIR FUTURE OO

ah bless u lady helen/mary collins we love them spicy villains

...why do you have a dressing table in a tent

[watches mary collins murder lady helen] i never snitch on dadd- ...someone pls delete me

merlin, about his instinctual magic: i just do it!

gaius: ...lord have mercy what did i just sign myself up to

what ever happened to sir olwen did he die from accidentally overdosing

—

oHHH THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERES MY BOY!!! MY LIL PRAT MAN!!!!

merlin looks so offended, oh god i could watch this whole scene for HOURS

oooOOOO YES MERLIN FUCK HIM UP!!! SHOW HIM WHOS BOSS

“do i know you?” “im merlin” “so i dont know you” ugh theres already sexual tension

“i would never have a friend who could be such an ass” “or i one so stupid”

also them, ten years later: “i use my magic for you arthur, only you” “just hold me” “i cant lose him! hes my friend!” “thank you..”

“tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” OOOOH THE BOYS ARE FLIRTING

NOT THE “would you like me to help you?” SIR YOU ARE FLIRTING SO INTENSELY AND DONT EVEN REALISE IT SIR DO YOU KNOW YOURE FALLING IN LOVE

im convinced atleast half the knights with arthur were like “ayo thas kinda sus bro 😳😳 ayo 😳😳”

arthur: tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to help you?

merlin: ....i really dont know how to answer that

imagine being paid to throw fruits at colin morgan omg id be so thrilled

OOOH HERE COMES OUR QUEEN GWEN!!! MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING YES ILY

gwen: well, arthur looks like one of those, save the world kinda men... and you dont

merlin, 1500 years later, having failed his destiny: well i mean you’re not wrong

—

gaius: uther banned magic a long time ago

merlin, flabbergasted as if he wasnt raised on tales of the death of his kind every day in the kingdom right next to his: why?!?!?

gaius: the dragon is imprisoned where nobody can free him

merlin:

(that is the face of someone knowing full well hes going to free that dragon. look at him. he’s already made up his mind.)

—

[sees merlin and arthur in the marketplace] oh heres he is again heres the lil bitxh ooo theyre about to FIGHT

god hes flirting so hard without even realising it, oh my god

“i could take you apart with one blow” “i could take you apart with less” um sirs this is a mcdonalds drive thru 😃

arthur: ahah, you’re in trouble now~ 😏😏

i had to pause cuz wHAT THE HELL WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT-

—

....yall are yelling very loudly, um, arent there guards near yall? people passing by? please relax

“im just a nobody, and i always will be” OH IF ONLY YOU KNEWWW

“if i cant use magic, i might as well die” ....well, ive got a surprise for you-

“maybe theres someone with more magic than me?” like... a whole dragon? i mean if you say so 👀

merlin about why he was born like this: if you cant tell me, no one can!

a fucking dragon, basically every magical creature and the druids: WELL-

the camelot guards are so stupid how the hell is this kingdom still standing

how does kilgharrah know merlins name? in prophecy hes known as emrys (and we see basically every magical being call him emrys and not merlin,, i think). so how does he know? did he stretch his neck long enough that he could somehow hear merlin? is it cuz theyre kin? is it cuz merlin and gaius were yelling so loudly that kilgharrah could hear them all the way in his cave? ig we’ll never know 🖐

merlin: where are you?!

kilgharrah:

kilgharrah: without you, arthur will never succeed.

merlin: ....oh look, im already paranoid

the amount of sadness i feel hearing kilgharrah say “none of us can choose our destiny, merlin. and none of us can escape it” is INSANE cuz in season one you can SEE merlin trying to escape it. hes doing his damned best trying to have some control over his life. and then in later seasons you can see the light slowly drain from his eyes as he becomes just another toy for the gods to be entertained by. he realises he cant control a single thing about his life so he does the one thing he can: protect arthur. and he loses SO MUCH because of it! its not fair, he deserved so much, and when he finally got everything he could ever ask for, it was taken away from him by his own mistakes.

arthur, seeing morgana in a beautiful dress: god have mercy 😍

uther: .....um

the way they set arthur and morgana up as if they arent gonna make them siblings i- what the fawk 😄

person A, who knows arthurian lore: oh no! arthur is going to have an affair with morgan(a) and have mordred! oh no!!

person B, whos seen merlin: oh no in this show its worse

person B, knowing full well theyre siblings: much worse....

gwen: who’d wanna marry arthur? 🙄

-

gwen, getting crowned queen of camelot: well fuck

hhhnghnh yes queen sing them to sleep yes murder his bitchass (and fail but like its the thought that counts)

on a sidenote tho this is such a fun way to murder someone, id try this

the absolutely OFFENDED “FATHER!” and the horrified look in arthurs eyss when uther announced merlin would be his manservant is PRICELESS OMG

oh the way uther unintentionally plants the first seed of his sons love story omg 😍😍

Conclusion: this episode is a 10/10 greatest episode with so many iconic scenes omg. mary collins u will forever have my heart for unintentionally kickstarting merlin and arthurs relationship destiny. i loved the whole thing and oh GOD does it already hurt knowing full well how the show ends

[dontyouhearmehowling]

oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

[gglitchshit]

ALL OF THE END OF THE YEAR ASKS!! uwu uwu uwu

OH NO

love u uwu

Song of the year?

Answered but gonna come up wih something else hmm……Spotify says Hurricane Years (by Alice duh) was my top 1 which is kinda true cuz I coped with it a fuckton and I even based one of my school assignments of it so…

Album of the year?

Trash 1989 easily DFJGHSDFJKGHL but yeah if talking this year’s album then Gloryhammer’s new albumm which I’m lazy to write the title of

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Uppermost! Got recommended him on twitter (with many other artists but he got me the most) and it was really spot on

id say Ozzy too but technically i didnt START listening to him this year, just started listening More

Movie of the year?

Us!!! But also uh idk……..I mean I’ve seen many movies this year so aside of 2019′s movies it’s definitely Prince of Darkness (god its so surreal i saw it this year….it feels like last year at least, first half of the year didnt exist for me dfgjksd)

TV show of the year?

Y’all Not to be Like That but it’s Jojo dfghfdkl (both because of you- like how much you influenced me and changed my mind about jojo and also cuz i started watching it) 

Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

Can’t think of any gjklhgsdjkl i dont rly watch tv shows

Favorite actor of the year?

even tho i watched 46758934 movies i dont have any……i mean i rly liked Lupita’s performance in Us but…yeah

maybe Liz Fenning?? she debuted for real in Dance Macabre music video and thats when i fell in love so h wait no that was last year fuck fuck

Game of the year?

Sayonara Wild Hearts and Pokémon Sword/Shield~

Best month for you this year?

-March cuz was finally home after hell month and bought lots of goodies and saw 🅱️rince of 🅱️arkness (first movie I saw after hell month, makes it extra special) -August as well maybe cuz Minecraft and good vibes….-June too cuz of that very good day with you and lots of animating…..maybe even October? Big halloween/horror mood…

Something that made you cry this year?

A gift I got at the beginning of the year and Wowaka’s death :(

Something you want to do again next year?

Go to pride but also go to more concerts with you

Talk about a new friend you made this year

I hardly make friends (like yknow real true close friends) also sorry if I forget anyone my memory is worse than a 100 year old’s but I always treasure my mutuals and I feel I grew closer to some of you…..ilu

How was your birthday this year?

Nothing interesting LMAO probably the least eventful/boring of this whole decade….. im old and depressed

Favorite book you read this year?

even tho im STILL not finished (reading in english is hard aaa), i love love love reading Dennis’ book about his adventures in the Alice Cooper group……..Ozzy’s book was fine as hell as well and thats about the only books ive read this year mega rip

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

cant remember anything fdgjkdf all my bad habits are 3-10 years old oof

Post a picture from the beginning of the year

this is from april cuz i dont take selfies lol

Post a picture from the end of the year

well….my hair got darker?? dfgsdfgdf

all my selfies are just me showing off my band shirts GHSDKL i got this shirt from a generous person from AR’s discord server, bless them forever tbh

edit: deleted the selfies cuz *diavolo vibe* no one must know my face

A memorable meal this year?

DFJKGDFHJK idk….i ate some rly good asian pasta meal at shrimpy food bar in like october or so, everytime i’ll go back there i’ll eat that cuz h

What’re you excited about for next year?

new albums lolol

also pride

uhhhhhh animal crossing release

What’s something you learned this year?

be grateful for everything i have and dont take anything for granted, with time most things get better except my memory

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

got new bathroom and kitchen as well as NEW WINDOWS hell yeah complete revamp of some of the stuff in our house….

Favorite place you visited this year?

Bratislava JDFGHDFSJKLG the town itself was nice too but in general being there was great cuz happiness overflowed in me all the time…….arisu……

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

i drew a little more backgrounds than last year so maybe that,,,

Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

GIN!!!!!! MY SPLATOON OC!!!!!! AAAAAAA one of the only best things in february hell month…..one day i made a rly cool loadout in Splatoon and i was like h what i  i make an OC out of her…..at first i felt like she wasnt gonna get far cuz i usually make ocs and then forget about them the next day but somehow she survived…..and got a big bro too! now shes in several zines and has an own toyhouse profile and i think abt her every day…shes still underdeveloped as hell but ah i love her and im rly proud of myself

[angelblumes]

(this one got cw f**d)what up 😌 you're right mads is...so interesting to look at. will graham is a pretty boy all I gotta say, very gender, too relatable😳 it is fine! for real really is ok. its fine if it's a day late, its starting to just feel like a daily penpal like through mail. I almost got some chicken strips and soup today from like a diner😔😔 my order got canceled tho and I had to settle for mcdonalds 😔😭 i was very much looking forward to it so much😭so hot!! I get tired in the heat and was thinking I love sleeping i cant wait until winter, I basically go into hibernation. Im so tired I gotta make this short 😩 uh I took a shower! I smell like lavender now😌 its my scent like forever. I woke up at 2 pm but had a bad sleep :( ok bye 👋 😴

im so pissed i wrote out the longest response and tumblr crashed and it deleted😐. anyway uh i think i said so true i want will grahams gender. ate bread for dinner which like ok but i was going to eat nothing cuz i was busy so its a win to me. i was busy with drawing more will graham. im frustrated abt that bc the first try was gorgeous right? but i messed up the proportions like it was unfixable. so i restarted, and ive got the proportions right, but it just doesnt look good :/ ugh. my friends mom (i live w them) said my bday is postponed to next week bc her mom is doing some party on saturday and we have to go to that. ( my bday is friday but we always all spend it together and my friends grandma makes dessert + its at her house. so stuff happening the next day means that cant happen? idk i didnt ask i was trying not to cry) then my birth mother said she wants to take me to get my ears pierced. we can hope! (she usually cancels last minute n then gets mad at me for being upset abt it💀) i mean its only taken 20 years for me to generate the nerve to do it LOL. um i did type out a dream but now i think it was kinda weird. so tldr i read a hannibal fic and in the dream it was one specific scene and i was will graham.... last but not least is that i took a bunch of tests abt like whats your reading speed. bc i was reading this fic and the author included notes like "approximately a _ minute read" and i was like i dont think that's accurate. i timed myself and was RIGHT!! i made a whole like table about it bc im obsessed with myself. anyway an estimated 11 minute read takes me 3. a 40 minute read takes me 15. what if i told you i kinned spencer reid. kidding but thats funny right? anyway it's apparently not impressive at all bc the tests i took all said i read 350-450 words per minute. slightly above the average adult, kinda the normal college student. BUT my reading comprehension is super high like the "average" is 200wpm and 60% comprehension. my comprehension was always around 80%💪 one of them was literally about the test itself and had all those statistics. thats the only reason i remember them HAHA. anyway it was idk a productive day bc i drew but extremely frustrating bc none of the drawings are turning out well. im gonna keep working on the most recent will mostly just bc i spent 12 fuckin hours on this stuff and bc its the best photo of will graham like its him pre killing someone with hannibal. !!!!!

[1thousandwords363]

7.53pm

i wonder if writing how i feel helps.. i cant keep a journal because i just know someone will find it and read it. and i hate that.. i also cant be super open here because some family member’s follow me and i know reading my stories will just make some of them happy cuz they have their gossip of the month already.. lol..

maybe i can be open but be vague about it..? idk does that make sense?

i wonder why i always go back to that one person ( not about my boyfriend ) and do everything that i think will please them , and then end of the day i feel so hurt because it’s like what i do will never be enough to get that person’s attention..and every time i tell myself that the next time, i wont’ go the extra mile for this person, i will just keep to myself but then i end up going back on my promise to myself.. its like a constant cycle. I feel like all my life, i do things to get approval and attention from this person but i never seem to. doesn’t help that i feel like a complete wallflower compared to the others.. maybe its cuz im quiet., but im just quiet on the outside. my mind is running 24/7 .. its noisy in there and i have so much to say and share and talk about.., but im never given the opportunity to / never taken seriously . Hence,why i just keep quiet... but of course there are people who know the real me and allow me the chance to express myself and be myself and talk.. these handful of people allow me to be my real self; happy, cheerful, full of lame jokes. 

i just have so so so much more to type but ... it will never make a difference. i dont even know why im typing this down. Im just gonna post it cuz i spent 10 mins on this and i dont wanna just delete and waste it.. 

i wish i had a penpal.. or a friend from a different country.. i dont really wanna give out my age and country of residence because i dont wanna busybody family members knowing who i am.. maybe if someone out there stumbles upon this post and reads it till the end, and if they wanna be penpals or just friends, inbox me on tumblr? 

later xx

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny

[parkji-hoons]

I’M A REALLY LUCKY PERSON

KCON AUSTRALIA EXPERIENCE!! Okay I’m home and I finally have time to write this and it’s gonna be suuuuuuupppperrrrr long bc a lot of crazy shit happened to me alksjfsfdhkjsfh also sorry no gifs bc I don’t have time rn but I will later in the week I promise!!! Also if anyone has any questions about the whole thing Im gonna open up asks for a few days so just hmu (I swear though if y'all send hate I’m gonna delete it so)

Day 1

Okay admittedly day 1 was really boring for me since I didnt go to the concert that day and had no artist engagements or anything (also the convention itself was really shite like I lined up almost an hour and a half for a small ass room that I barely stayed 5mins in) also the entire thing was very disorganised and I wasted a lot of my time tbh. But then I went to meet up with some mutuals (shout out to @minhwangs @yoonjsung @jaehwn ily guys) at circular quay and it was so lucky that the moment I stepped out of the train station they were heading my way and we met up real quick. Then they told me that I literally just missed seeing WJSN and like I was ofc sad but I also didnt really stan so I didnt really mind that much. We stayed in that spot just talking when I noticed a group of girls lining up to get ice cream and boiiii these girls were literally GLOWINGGG then Debbie (@jaehwn ) noticed me looking behind her and she was like holy thats WJSN and they all literary just walked past us like the angels they are. THWY WERE LIKE NOT EVEN A METRE AWAY FROM US AND THEYRE LITERALLY SO SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE OHMYGODD THEYRE SO CUTE LGJWJHSJASJ. Also a lot smaller than I expected but GDI wowowowowow and yeah that was basically the start of my lucky streak.

Day 2

OKAY THIS IS WHEN SHIT HAPPENNNNSSSSSS. Honestly I felt so so so unlucky tbh bc my friend and I fell asleep on the train and ended up missing our stop and went to god knows where so we were late and shit but like still relatively early but yeah we got there at around 9ish and I went to go collect my benefits cuz I got p1 but yeah I got red carpet for that night, an up10tion audience, a WJSN audience and a monsta x hi touch. Honestly lowkey disappointed I didnt get any wanna one but like I was grateful for the rest anyway (plus hi I love Monsta X) but my friend got a wanna one audience and she said she would give it to me (bless her). After that we went around trying to find people who wanted to go see WJSN or up10tion bc like even tho I like those groups Im not SUPER into them so I’d rather just give them to really big fans of them you Know? I literally made two peoples day but not asking for money or a trade for them to see their bias groups and literally they were so shocked I didnt ask for anything but like i just wanted it to go to someone who actually REALLY liked the group you know since I didnt really know know them (bc like if someone got wanna one hi touch but didnt like them as much like I’d love for them to give it to me bc theyre my bias group you know?). I also went around trying to trade my MX hi touch for wanna one but it was literally impossible but I also didnt really mind bc I love MX soooooooo. After that I met with Debbie again and she also didnt get wanna one benefits and we tried for so long to swap but no one would but like ehhhhh we both were gonna see MX so. We kinda just went in to the queue for the convention after that but not even to like go see the convention but for the kcon goodie bags that we were supposed to get and holy that took so damn long lrnekabjhwjhw after that I was like checking fb if anyone was wanting a MX hi touch for wanna one and someone posted that they would trade it but also wanted some money but like max I would go would’ve been $50 so I sent an offer and PRAYED to the gods no one else would make a higher one AND THEY ANSWERED MY PRAYWRS MAN SHE AGREED WITH THE TRADE AND I JUST OHMYGOD I WAS GONNA MEET WANNA ONE I WANTED TO CRYYYYYY AND I WAS LIKE DEBBIE THAT MEANS YOU CAN GO TOO BC I STILL HAD THE WANNA ONE AUDIENCE AND WE WERE LITERALLT SO SOSOSOSOOSOSO HAPPY I WAS SO LUCKY OHMYGODDDDDDDD.

Meeting Wanna One

OKAY SO HERE’S WHERE SHIT REALLY WENT DOWN. So while Monsta X was having their m&g ofc all of the people going to the wanna one m&g were like ‘let’s line up’ and at this time it was like 1pm-ish? WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE QUEUEING UNTIL LIKE 3.45PM AND ENTRY WAS ACTUALLY AT 5PM SO I LITERALLY WAITED IN LINE FOR 5 HOURS IN 35 DEGREE DIRECT HEAT I ALMOST DIED HOLY. But I made quite a few friends in line and we got up to a ton of shit (may or mayn’t have turned one of the security guards into a wannable….his bias may or may not have been daehwi…(bonus: we gave him a banner and at the actual m&g the same security guard was standing by the door where wanna one was gonna come through and he was holding the banner akajflkjshflkj it was really cute). 

Anyways, so after 5hours we finally went into the room and holy shit I managed to get front row somehow??? rip though bc I was on the opposite side of where jihoon was but LIKE STILL FRONT FUCKING ROW?!??!?!?! HOW LUCKY AM I WTF.  So after getting inside we had to wait another 30mins until they actually you know, came but during that time they were playing the album so everyone just jammed (except for when always was playing in that case everyone sobbed while singing) but yeah after 30mins WANNA ONE CAME OUT AND JUST HOLY SHIT THEY ARE LITERALLY SO BLOODY GORGEOUS IRL AKJLDFNLKASFJGN I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE BUT I WAS AWESTRUCK I COULDNT FILM IT PROPERLY MY HANDS WERE SHAKING THE ENTIRE TIME BUT THEY ARE LITERALLY STUNNING. 

SO THEY ALL DID THEIR INTROS AND SHIT THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE HITOUCH AND OHYMGOD I LITERALLY DIDN’T THINK MY LUCK COULD GET ANY FUCKING BETTER BUT APPARENTLY IT COULD?????? 

WHEN IT WAS MY TURN I SUDDENLY GAINED THIS WEIRD AMOUNT OF CONFIDENCE AND ACTUALLY SAID THINGS TO THME LIKE OHMYGOD. FIRST WAS GUANLIN. THIS BOI HOT DAMN IS TALL AF LIKE HOW DID YOU ONLY TURN 16 YOU ARE SO FUCKING TALL NOT TO MENTION REALLY DAMN HANDSOME LIKE BRO. I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM WHEN I WAS HIGH FIVING HIM AND HE JUST SMILED AND NODDED AND NEXT WAS ONG AND I WAS LIKE HIIIIII AND HE WAS LIKE HIII~~ AND GRINNED AT ME AND JUST ONG MAN HE’S LITERALLY MODEL LIKE GORGEOUS THE DAMN VISUALS WTF. 

OKAY SO NEXT IS THE GREATEST FUCKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE AND NOTHING COULD EVER COMPARE TO THIS MOMENT. EVER. IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO MEET JIHOON (if y’all new and don’t know I have literally been screaming about holding park jihoons hand since pd101 days and my hands are literally shaking at me remembering that I HAVE HELD HIS HAND MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED I CAN DIE HAPPY). Park Jihoon. Where do I start? he is literally so so so so pretty. I almost melted and I think I stopped breathing when I looked into his eyes I’m not even lying idk how I was able to function BC HE LOOKED STRAIGHT BACK INTO MINE. BY SOME KIND OF MIRACLE I MANGED TO JUST BLURT OUT ‘I LOVE YOU!’ TO HIM AND I ENDED UP KIND OF TAKING A HOLD OF HIS HAND INSTEAD OF JUST HIGH FIVING AND JUST HE SEEMED REALLLLLY SURPRISED AND HIS MOUTH KINDA DROPPED? LIKE HE JUST SEEMED LIKE HE DIDNT EXPECT IT BUT AT THIS POINT I NEEDED TO START MOVING TO DAEHWI OR ELSE THE SEVURITY WAS GOING TO RUSH ME BUT LIKE A SECOND BEFORE MY HAND LEFT HIS JIHOON WAS LIKE ‘ I LOVE YOU~~~’ AND BOI. I. FUCKING. DIED. I COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT LIKE DID HE JUST SAY THAT? DID HE ACTUALLY. JUST TELL ME HE LOVED ME? HONESTLY I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT HAPPEND AND IM JUST AKFGHJLKAJFHGNEJRFEBH???!?!?!?!??!?! The only thing that actually confirmed he said it was daehwis face bc he like looked at jihoon sorta shocked too like mouth dropped type thing and just ohmygod I could go on and on but I won’t bc theres still 8 members left lisfhiesfjcoiehnf.

alright so next was daehwi. STILL had his mouth opened by the time I fully got to him but he managed to smile at me and I was like ‘ HOW ARE YOU?’ bc he is my son and I need to make sure he’s doing well you know? and he was like ‘I’m good!!’ but I think I took too long bc security sort of pushed me a bit to go quicker (props bc I was still like not moving bc wtf jihoon) but yes jinyoung HIS HEAD REA;;Y IS DAMN SMALL BUT HE IS REALLY HANDSOME LIKE WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW YOU ARE SO CUTE LIKE WTF. 

At this point security actually pushed me to move on but they did it like while I was already starting to say HI to Daniel but since I was pushed it like came out louder than I expected (like a hiIIii) and Daniel was so startled he literally took a step back before just smiling at me and it was so funny bc jisung low-key laughed at him and it was really cute. 

With Jisung I was like ‘THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING’ bc he needs to know he is appreciated like YOON JISUNG WE ALL LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU BOI PLS ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT but he like did that pouty face thing that he does when he wants to show that he’s grateful/touched idk but like he squints his eyes and pouts and nodded his head at me and SQUEEZED MY HAND LIKE HOT DAMN JAKFJFMERJ. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY THATT THIS BOI IS SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME UP CLOSE LIKE HE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD ON SHOWS AND FANCAMS AND SHIT BUT HOLY SHIT UP CLOSE IT’S LIKE X1102399014839573827569287 LIKE HE IS GORGEOUS DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE OKAY!

NEXT UP WAS SUNGWOON AND HE’S NOT THAT  SHORT GUYS LIKE COME ON (side note: most of them were actually shorter than I expected but since I expected sungwoon to be like SHORT he was taller than I expected lmao) but by this time security was like HURRY TF UP so I was just like hiiiii and he just smiled at me and I did the same with jaehwan and he smiled and was like ‘HI HI’ and just akljfghlkajfhgimerhfiefm jaehwan wtf. 

up next was the bias wrecker. Park Woojin. ngl I planned on pretending to high five woojin b4 dabbing to prove I don’t swerve but before I could I was like hii!!! and he fucking grinned at me and showed off his snaggletooth and BOIIIIII HE IS SO FUCKIG CHARMING WTF. ALL THOUGHTS OF DABBING LEFT MY MIND AND I ENDED UP GRIPPING HIS HAND BC I WAS LIKE I NEED SUPPORT IM GOING TO MELT OTHERWISE BC PARK WOOJINS SMILE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL ( I swear I didn’t swerve….maybe for like 0.0005s). last but not least mr. hwang minhyun. HIS. VISUALS. ARE. SO. BEAUTIFUL. HE WAS DRESSED ALL CUTELY AND HE WAS SO PROPER LIKE HE WAS DASHING AND BEAUTIFUL WOWOWOOWOW WHEN I GREETED HIM HE SMILED AT ME AND BOWED AND SAID HI BACK ADN IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT. after that I kinda…..skipped off stage…I was so high man I was on cloud 9 I literally could not believe that all happened in a span of like max 2 mins and I feel like I was going to collapse but hands were still shaking so much alkjhifrbhureih. 

ANYWAYS after my mini break down, I gathered myself and went back to join the crowd and listen to their ending speech thingo (by this time I was at the back rip but still pretty close) We weren’t allowed phones while meeting them so I shoved it in my bag ad wasn’t able to video this but when they were about to do their last greeting all of the fans started singing happy birthday for guanlin and it was literally the cutest thing to watch their reactions bc they were all so shocked!! LIKE GUANLINS EYES WIDENED AND ALL OF THE OTHER MEMBERS SUDDENLY LIKE SNAPPED THEIR HEADS TO THE CROWD THEY WERE SHOOKT AND IT WAS SO CUTE BUT THEN THEY ALL STARTED CLAPPING ALONG AND SMILING REAL BIG WHILE WE ALL SANG AND WHEN IT ENDED THE MC (KEVIN FROM UKISS) WAS LIKE AWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GUANLIN WHEN IS IT? (something along those lines) and guanlin was like lol it’s today but yeah after that heartwarming scene they did their greeting and left and we all started leaving too bc most of us needed to go line up for the red carpet.

(ALSO SOMEONE GOT A PHOTO OF MY SAYING I LOVE YOU TO JIHOON AND ME MEETING DAEHWI, IF YOU WANNA SEE SEND ME AN ASK, I WONT POST IT NOW BC IDK IF PEOPLE WANNA SEE LOL)

Red Carpet

Yo lemme tell y'all the line for the p1 red carpet was sooooo fucking long like holy shit HOW WERE ALL THESE PEOPLE GONNA FIT IN THAT TINY ASS ROOM and since I lined up so late bc the queue started really early and the wanna one m&g ended late I was towards the very back and I couldn’t really see anything (sad) but yeah basically only sf9, up10tion, WJSN and Monsta X went and a lotttt of fans got mad bc wanna one didn’t go akjsfmejfhoisenfu but it wasn’t like we could do anything about it like ??!??!?!! but I get it esp if they didn’t get to attend the m&g but yeah I can’t talk about it much bc I couldn’t see much rip soz it’s pretty like simple tho? they introduce the act, the act gets on stage then stays there for a bit introduces the group then leaves and the next group comes in and etc. what kinda sucked tho was like lining up to get into the concert venue bc of everyone pushing and shit it was so damn annoying.

Concert

CONCERT TIME YO. Okay first off, THOSE OPENING ACTS LIKE SHOUT OUT TO YOU GUYS YOU WERE FUCKIGN AMAZING HOLY SHITLJAHKCFJME ALso I’m really sorry but the SF9, Up10tion and WJSN parts of this are going to be really short mostly bc I wasn’t actually that big of a fan (like I only really knew their titles songs and didn’t even know the members names I’m so sorry!!) of those groups b4 this concert so I don’t know much and can’t talk a lot about them but what I can say is IVE BEEN CONVERTED BC THEIR STAGES WERE FUCKING AMAZING!!! ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THAT DUDE FROM SF9 WHO KEPT WAVING AT ME AND THREW A HEART AT ME BEING A HYPER PERSON IN THE CROWD LIKE BOI IDK YOU BUT YOU MY BIAS. But literally they all performed soooooo damn well and just WJSN is after my heart (esp when they played secret).

The highlight performances for me though were definitely wanna one and monsta x. wanna one mostly bc like hi you my bias group also THEY ARE FUCKING GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO MAN LIKE DAEHWIS LIVE VOICE HOLY SHIT ALSO JAEHWANS VOICE LIKE WE ALL KNOW IT’S GODLIKE BUT HEARING IT LIVE LIKE WTFFFFFFFFF. I LITERALLY COULDNT EVEN RECORD ANYTHING BC MY PHONE DIED AND I WAS REALLY SAD BUT LIKE HOT DAMNNNNNNNNNN THEY WERE AMAZING. ALSO WHEN THEY WERE GETTING INTO POSITIONS FOR BURN IT UP THERE WAS LIKE A SPLIT SECOND OF SILENCE AND I SCREAMED OUT ‘PAARRRRKKKK JIIIIHOOOOONNNNN’ SO LOUD THA T THE GIRL NEXT TO ME MOVED AWAY AND JIHOON LOOJED UP I WAS SHOOK (I apologised so much to the girl and she laughed it off but still moved away rip) also I’m not even gonna talk about piñata time bc there was too much shit going on there and my friend got decent fancams so I’ll gif later but SOMEONE TELL JIHOON TO STOP SOMEONE TELL GUANLIN THE FLOOR IS DIRTY SOMEONE TELL ONG NO AND SOMEONE REMIND JISUNG THAT HE IS THE CUTEST BEAN EVER (also stop park woojins sexy dance 2k17 thanks) but minhyun waved at me during piñata time and I love him for it. We also all sang happy birthday to guanlin again and I will never ever get tired of seeing that boy all happy and smiley I hope he enjoyed his birthday with us!!!

OKAY MONSTA X THO DEFS TOOK STAGE OF THE NIGHT LIKE BOISSSS. THEY BLOODY OWNED THAT STAGE. THEIR STAGE PRESENCE IS NO FUCKING JOKE LIKE HOLY HELL EVERYONE WAS LIKR REALLLLLLYYYY INTO IT (like people were going W I L D but like for wanna one they did to but it was more of like fangirl W I L D. for monsta x it was like jamming head banging move your body W I L D it was literally amazing). THEY PERFORMED EX GIRL WHICH IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS EVER AND JUST HOLY SHIT I WAS SOBBING WHILE SINGING IT AND WAVING SOME GOLD STREAMERS AROUND LIKE CRAZY AND KIHYUN NOTICED ME AND LAUGHED AT ME AND IT WAS SO CUTE. ALSO HOW WAS THAT GIRL WHO GOT LUCKY ENOOUGH TO BE PROPOSED TO BY MONSTA X NOT DEAD ON THE FLOOR? I WAS ON THE GROUND THE MOMENT CHANGKYUN SAID ANGEL LIKE HOLY SHIT YOU GOT SERENADED BY KIHYUN AND WONHO LEGIT WENT DOWN TO TAKE A SELFIE WITH YOU AND HUGGED YOU GIRL HOW ARE YOU ALIVE (admittedly she did like have a fan with shownus face on it and he didn’t participate in the proposals rip but still) anyways STAGES WERE FUCKING LIT ALSO WONHO YOU HOE SOMEONE STOP THAT GUY.

okay so after monsta x it was like the part where all of the groups come out again and shit and I ended up front row of the very side and wanna one came and stood there and I was legit right in front of Daniel woojin and jaehwan and the girls around me were trying to get their attention and were screaming their names and shit and I was like hmmmmm what should I do?? so I like made a heart with my arms like hands on head type heart and kinda just started stoically at woojin NOT THINKING HE WOULD NOTICE ME BUT ALKJHLCEKJNFSEJFHGBOSUIB HE FUCKING DID AND IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST AWKWARD AND FUNNIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE HOLYSHIT IT WAS LIKE WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND HE STARED FOR A BIT LIKE WTF AND I FALTERED AND GAVE AN AWKWARD SMILE AND HE STARTED TO LAUGH A LIL AND I DIDN’T NOTICE BUT DANIEL SAW TOO AND HE TURNED TO WOOJIN AND THEY LAUGHED TOGETHER THEN OUT OF NO WHERE STARTED DOING THIS WEIRD DANCE THEN AFTERWARDS I NOTICED JAEHWAN STARING AT ME WITH COMPLETE JUDGEMENT ON HIS FACE AJMIRENJFOEGHU THE DICK BEFORE I WAS SHOVED AWAY BY A GIRL NEXT TO ME BUT YEAH THAT HAPPENED WOOPS.

basically it was one of the most amazing days of my life I not only got to meet and high five my ult bias group and see various amazing performances by all of the artists, I also was able to make new friends and meet my mutuals here and it was just sososososo amazing Im literally so grateful for everything and everyone and I was just realllly lucky I hope everyone gets to experience this bc I’m so happy rn and I hope everyone will be this happy at least once in their lives too!!!! and just I literally not even two months ago was totally convinced id never meet jihoon and hold his hand but IT HAPPENED so anyone who tells me it won’t happen to them I call bullshit bc I was literally saying that a month ago and it fucking happened to me so it’ll happen to you guys too I’m just saying!!!

also if you read up to here you’re a legend and I love you :D

[whalefairyfandom12]

Your Love's a Fucking Drag (But I Need it So Bad)

Summary: Dan likes black and leather jackets, Phil likes reading in solitude and playing video games. But they have one thing in common as new roommates at uni: They are both completely straight. Just because they like to get each other off every once in a while doesn’t make it any different.

A/N: We've been writing this fic for over a year now and it's strange to think this is the last time we'll be doing this. Thank you so much for all of your support and we hope you enjoy the final chapter <33

Masterpost

Chapter Nine

 *picks up after “true bros swallow” from chapter seven

-

don’t judge me makila

I’m 110% judging right now smh no homo just bromo

I came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

Not as attacked as Dan’s cock amiright

STOP THIS IMMEDIATELy

...That's what he said and then Phil made him

My mind is literally blank rn jfc i have absolutely no comebacks whatsoever

On a scale of one to Dan’s mind during orgasm from a brojob how blank?

Like dan’s mind during orgasm and then some

Yet somehow Phil Lester’s lips aren't involved. I think he got the better deal, really. Also cuddles after

Im jealous of dan i want phil lester’s cuddles :<

I swear to god we sound so ace right now 100 to 0 real fast

*writes sex scene* “Wow i cant wait to cuddle the fuck out of phil” 100% ace

Seriously though Phil probably gives some of the best cuddles imaginable I'm jealous

My friend met him and she said he gives the best hugs out of anyone she’s ever met

You know what fuck Phan I'm stealing Phil for myself

“Hi do u have any philxreader fics” dats u

“I don't want the yang wang dang just the hugging”

Im fucking pissing myself im hilarious

I think my mom just heard that snort

Im literally laughing so hard and my dogs started barking bc of it christ i need sleep

Jesus Christ has very little to do with this conversation, trust me ;)))))))))))))

I hope he isn’t too mad that i started involving him in our crimes

We’re all going to hell anyway, what's one more crime really

Imagine if jesus went to hell with us JESUS READS TOO MUCH GAY PORN

“So what was your punishment?”

“I liked sucking cocks too”

“Same. Only bros?”

“True bros swallowed. Dat was me.”

Jeezy wheezy (sry i cant type wow) thats amazing and i had something to say but i dont REMEMBER

They say losing your memory this early means you're definitely screwed and damned to hell

I mean we already knew i was going to hell so whats the difference

I've spent my evening reading gay porn stars AU instead of studying that ship has sailed

Porn star aus are the best thing ever no ragerts

“Ragerts”-Rachel, 2016

The sin has clouded your thoughts

Im gonna get that tattooed on me “no ragerts”

You can say not only were you extremely drunk when you got it you were also drunk when you thought it up. A win win

“How did you get that tattoo??” “Well im always drunk man”

“Drunk on gay smut and memes”

I read too much about bros swallowing loads

You need to fire your autocorrect and get a better one

Im on my computer so looks like i just have to fire my brain

Our wordcount has upped significantly can we just keep this here. “Now presenting a short intermission from your writers”

Oh my god when we upload the last chapter (whenever the fuck that will be jesus christ what are we doing with this story) we should post this

Imagine the day when our inboxes will no longer be filled with messages of “WHEN THE FUCK IS THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YLAFD GOING TO BE UP??????”

That’s the day that the earth will truly implode

See the real question is who’s going to store all these screenshots on their camera roll? Forfeit those sick GBs

I can screenshot them on my computer hahaha

Way to ruin the moment Rachel wooooooow :(((((((( That was so low not even Dan could recover (get it because he’s a bottom? I'm so tired smh)

Sorry bro (*insert lenny face here bc im too lazy to do that*) i hope dans proud of me

He knows it's just about bros doing bro things I'm sure he’d fully endorse our fics. (And let’s be honest, I'll bet you one hundred dollars this hasn't happened to him at least once)

Oh him and phil have d e f i n i t el I GIVE UP fucked

Which will come out first? Dan Howell or Sherlock’s next season? YO MAMA’S SO FAT BY THE TIME SHE TURNS AROUND DAN HOWELL CAME OUT!!!!!1!

JESUS CHriST “How many licks does it take for dan howell to come out?” “The world may never know”

Oh he’ll be coming all right *insert lenny face*

HE’LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN HE COMES

╚═( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)═╝╚═(███)═╝╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…..╚(███)╝……╚(██)╝………(█)……….*

WHAT THE FUCK MAKILA NO the human centipede lol

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ POOP

Ur enjoying urself aren’t u

FIGHT ME (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง (what? I don't have an entire wall of lenny’s saved to my notes for this very purpose that would be ridiculous haha ha ha ha…)

Usually when i use a lenny face i go back and copy it from one of my friend’s text messages so ALL THE JUDGEMENT HERE UR FIRED

AT LEAST LENNY STILL LOVES ME 
( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ᕤ holy shit we broke 14k yay us #rakilaftwrioolymipcs2k16

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) we literally broke 14k because we wrote an entire essay about how much of a meme we are (why is this a different color text wtf)

All better. The perfectionist in me is satisfied.

Im proud of you makkypoo

BU-BUT SENPAIIIIIIII REALLY????? JU-JUST ME???????

JUST U MACKLEMORE (i think im so funny)

Macklemore I'm dying (right and Phil’s dating Dan. Oh wait)

I think your nickname is no longer makila but instead macklemore

Once we release these screenshots it will be THANKS RACHEL UR FIRED NOW

BUT ): A KOUHAI CANT HIRE THEIR SENPAIIIIIIII (also i hope you start getting messages about macklemore now)

WOW I FEEL SO LOVED :,(((((((((( a single man tear

A man tear… like uh i dont have a fucking comeback im So TIRED LIKE UR MUMS MAN TEAR

THE NERVE!!!!!!!!!1!1! WELL YOUR MUM’S MAN TEAR IS SO UNMANLY NOT EVEN DAN WOULD THINK IT WAS ATTRACTIVE SO THERE BITE ME

Cuz we all know dan thinks every man tear is attractive rip to dan’s heart (and his sexuality)

“Here lies Dan’s heterosexuality and heteronormativity. It will be sorely--screw it no it won't.”

Dan’s heterosexuality&heteronormativity,,, June 10, 1991 - Today (what is today) August 20, 2016

“We gather to celebrate with smut and Lenny human centipedes.” I need sleep so badly right now smh I'm dead tomorrow

GO TO SLEEP (honestly i do too i have to wake up early to move back to uni rip)

I will if you do. A bro pact. (A broct? Pacbro?)

Just… stop right there LOL lets form a broct(?) and just brosleep it out

I hope Phil brohugs you bro

Thanks bro i hope phil brocuddles u my dude, my bro

Aw you mean it bro? U r always there for me, man, I luv u u r like a brother to me, bro

Bro… oh my god bro, that’s the broest thing anyones ever said to me… i love u bro.. Like bromantically

Not as much as I platonically 110% heterosexually love u bro. Just bromo tho no homo

That’s the new phrase of this fic “just bromo, no homo”

*deletes summary and changes it to that* seriously why aren't we sleeping GO TO BED RAKILA

OKAY IM GONNA ACTUALLY SLEEP NOW CUZ WE NEED IT

NIGHT BRO DON’T LET THE FIREFLIES BITE MAN

NIGHT TO U TOO BROKILA DONT LET TO BRO BUGS BITE

[silvrhxnd]

looong stream of thoughts on that latest julian interview (this isnt sw-related, sorry sw mutuals)

im just gonna copy/paste the tweets i made, then i’ll keep going normally

imo ed sheeran sucks but also like this is why julian doesnt say anything in interviews like ppl love to hang onto one thing he says abt how a lot of popular music is nothing that innovative (which is largely true) and everyone thinks julian is taking some kinda high ground

like his thing has always been that he wants to make weirder stuff that ppl havent heard before, more popular, to push the boundaries more i guess? No ones saying ur not allowed to enjoy pop music just cuz it’s not that musically innovative

i cant like read his mind but it’s always seemed like what bugs him is that stuff that sounds formulated to be as marketable as possible is what becomes most recognized as good music, when artists who are doing new, v different sounding things arent at all

Which, i mean, is understandable cuz that stuff is new so it isnt easy for the masses to enjoy it immediately. &tons of ppl enjoying smth doesnt make it BAD. But to me, it’s sad artists making things that rly push the envelope arent also considered good enough to become popular

like ofc u can love pop music (i like it myself). it’s just that w pop it’s like well of course it’s successful; it meets the criteria of what’s long been established in everyone’s mind as “good” music. From what he’s been saying for years, it seems julian is bothered by the fact

that the music business machine (specifically the industry of popular/“mainstream” music) is so focused on making money by churning out profitable hits, it doesn’t leave much room (if at all) for expanding what that “good” music criteria can be

I don’t mean to put words in julian’s mouth, but it seems like ppl hear his words and take them as an attack on a specific artist or on people’s personal taste, when it’s actually a dislike of the industry focusing on profit over quality and innovation of music

and anyway i rly dont think that julian "or maybe im just full of it/don't listen to anything i say/*says 'or not' after everything he says" casablancas is like trying to dictate to the world what should and shouldn't be liked/popular

not to write an essay but...im not saying i agree w everything julian says,obvs, but it rly seems like he can be as careful and tip-toey w his words as possible 2where his responses are 4 paragraphs long, & journalists will still find some controversial statement in it to blow up

(end tweets)

and tbh like all this nonsense goes all the way back to when the strokes first rly blew up and every magazine was like LISTEN TO THIS BAND THEY WILL CHANGE THEIR LIFE THEY’RE TAKING THE WORLD BY STORM WOW RISING STARS and even back then julian (and the other guys too!) was like can u guys chill out cuz people should like listen to the music and decide if they like it?

but ofc nobody listened cuz hype=$$ for music “journalists” 

and i mean i think their music definitely deserves the success that it got; i think it’s rly awesome music! but the kinda bummer-side of all that laud is that now there are so many expectations placed on the strokes--not as a group of 5 friends in a band that makes great music, but as The Strokes™ aka the commercially successful, influential NY indie rock band that defined music for a generation and blah blah blah. and again i think they deserve recognition as artists, but the problem is that NOW so many people (fans, journalists, whoever) see them as The Strokes™ as if its a brand with a whole brand identity attached to it (that the guys themselves did NOT set out to create) that includes commercial success and making music that is Good by default just cuz it’s got the name “The Strokes” attached to it. and while having success attached to a group you’re a part of is definitely not bad in itself...i can understand why as an artist, julian would wanna step away from all of that for a while. 

there’s nothing remotely near that level of expectation with the voidz. idk i guess creatively, it seems like it’d definitely allow for a creative energy that’s different than what the strokes have. like obvs he loves the strokes guys and theyve been friends for forever! but it doesnt all have to be about the strokes.

ALL THAT BEING SAID..........

i do not agree with 100% of everything julian says. ariel pink is a misogynist and doesnt deserve popularity. bill maher isnt funny. and julian should rly pay attention to commentators/intellectuals/philosophers of color. 

ok rant over i guess lol

this is kinda dumb and i may delete it later like who cares what i think abt an interview??????? 

[cryptid-cunt]

ALL THE EVENS

2. Whats goin on between you and the last person you kissed?Well last person i kissed was my friend on the cheeks so, shes my work wife

4.is your last name longer that 6 letters?Actually my last name is EXACTLY 6 letters

6.have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yup

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Well we work together and we give cheek kisses when we leave shift so i think atm its like… 42? 42 cheek kisses :p

10. When is the last tine you saw your sister?I dont have a sister. I have a brother! And its been …. Like 2-3 years

12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Yup

16. Would you ratger it be sunny or rainy?Rainy

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?NO PANTS BITCH

20. Does anyone like you?Probobly, probobly not, idfk. I think my current s/o likes me? Maybe?Oh and @ahtemish

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?No, shes straight as a fucking arrow, but im queer af so idc

24. Have you ever considerd getting a tattoo?I have many, many planned and my first will be in nov/dec. Depends on money

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?The sweetest bluenose pit. Grey fur, bug green eyes, and the cutest wagging tail, her owner runs my block with her every 3-5 days so i got to see her on my way back home from work. Her names bielzabubby.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Yup, i wanted him to shut the fuck up about asking me on a date so i kissed him and told him that was the first and last thing he’d ever get from me and he left me alone.

30. Do you like texting? I like using my fb messenger, but no nit via my phines actual texting.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Yup, i wanted a ceptum a while back but i not want my nips pierced instead

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means alot to you?I mean.. Im not a woman or a man. So.. Idk what my opposite is???? So i have many people who are important to me, men, women, and other*

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Idk. Probobly complicated and shitty

38. When you say youre sorry do you mean it?80% of the time. The other 20% is me apologizing to customers and my multiple bosses for shit i dont give a fuck about.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?Which one? I like a few people, if you mean love then thats a whole nother story, i love one person rn and what made me love him is the things we have in common and then a mystery cuz love kinda just… Happend.

42. What is wrong with you right now?Oh. Oh! My dude. My fucking dude!….. ALOT

44. Does anyone disgust you?Alot of celebrities, my father, racists, biggots, oh honey this list is fucking long ok??

46. Are you in a good mood right now?Sure, lets go with that

48. What colour shirt are you wearing?What shirt?

50. Anyone youre giving up on?MyselfIdk probobly

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldnt?YUP

54. Do you care if youre s/o drinks? No not really as long as they arent damaging themselves, like if you wanna drink cool but if youre gonna go off the damn rail imma smack the bottle outchya hand and tell ya to knock it the fuck off

56. Do you like to cuddle?Yes. YeS. YES.

58. Do you get along with girls?I mean, the ones ik yeah? Cis girls, trans girls, questioning girls, anyone who identifyes as a girl/woman i probs get along with as long as youre not a bigoted racist cuntbasket yo

60. What do you carry with you at all times?A small blowtorch

62. Do you think that hou can last in a relationship for over five months?I mean i fuckin hope so?? Its been 11 fucking months with my s/o

64.the person you like kisses you on the forhead, do you find this cute?Bitch GIB TO ME THEM FORHEAD KISSES

66. How old are the last 3 people you kissed?26, 20, and 18

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leapord print?Neither, theyre both fucking ugly unless theyre on said animals

70. Would you rather listen to luke bryan or lil wayn?Fuuuuuucking neither???

72. Whems the last time you had pizza from pizza hut?I dont remember, @ahtemish when the fuck did we last get dat cheesey stuffed crust??

74. What colour are the walls in your room?Idk like… Beige??

76. Do you watch PLL? Used to, stopped after it bored me

78. What are youre initials?TMH

80. Are you from the south?Nope

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?Naw me n her havent seen eachother since we were 7

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?Yes, cheerleading

86. Do you smoke?A variety

88. Is youre phone touchscreen?Yeah

90. Have you ever snuck outta your house?Oh fuck yeah alotta times my dude

92. Have you ever made out in a car?Bitch ive had sex in a cemetary, yes ive fucking made out in a car

94. Are you single or in a relationship?I am currently in a mono relationship

96. Whens the last time you saw fireworks?I cant remember

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?Yup!

100. Are you friends with people on fb that you actually hate?No i delete the ones i hate

102.name your favourite kesha song:I dont have one, i like her music, especially the new things, but i dont have a favourite

104.would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?No thats a bad fucking idea, for one thoes boots are for working and should always be worn with long pants/jeans to avoid leather chaifing, for two who the fuck exceot for fake ass “country” hoes wear cowboy boots with fuckin shorts! I only wore mine(when i had em) for working on my uncles ranch and my nanas ranch. And so did all the other people i saw w em on.

[tanyatakaishi]

Innocent Games: the rewrite

Without a world to save, petty drama and circumstances have forced a rift between the digidestined. That is until they find themselves in a world shaped solely by their memories, without their partners, where the only monsters to face are themselves. I’m doing it. I’m posting the rewrite. I put it on A03 and after a lot of thought I decided to delete all the old chapters on ff.net. I replaced them with the rewritten version and will be reposting the entire thing over the next few months. You can read it here. Or, you can read on tumblr below. I hope to gain some new readers and have some of my favorite peeps return. :)  Post 02, ignoring the epilogue, pretending tri don’t exist. Rated M for language, upcoming violence and sexual innuendo. Dub ‘cuz dub.

Innocent Games

I've seen worlds.

Before I knew that others existed, before I was torn from mine and forced to save another. Before the Digital World, I was sure they existed.

As a child, my mind teemed with magical places: a world where I could fly, another where I constantly wore a suit of armor (even in the tub) and got everywhere by riding a horse. In one, everything was blue. So blue that I couldn't tell the earth from the sky from the ocean from myself. But my favorite world was the one formed by fading memories: where my brother and I still shared a tiny room and I didn't do much but cry. I remember it in pieces: the legos spread across the floor, Matt's foot in my face when I snuck into his bed and turned in the night, the way we'd run to shut the door when our parents kissed, pretending like we hated it.

I sometimes wonder about the world Oikawa brought us to. If there were a way to get back there, if all those worlds could exist in a world like that.

I used to wonder if I was the only one who wondered.

Now that I'm here, I don't wonder at all.

....

Chapter One Black Hole

...

i need u

The words had been sitting mockingly on his phone for more than an hour, waiting for a response.  Matt frowned, finally left with nothing to do but answer. His college essay sat on his brother's desk, covered with comments in red pen (too poetic, too vague, this should be a semi-colon not a comma) all written in skewed pillars of scratchy scrawl. His eyes slipped sideways, across piles of books and crumpled paper to the disheveled bed. An arm slumped over TK's face, but his knees were pointing toward the ceiling and every now and then he had to readjust his feet to keep them there. Patamon had curled into a nest of blankets by his side, long furry ears masking his face. Matt turned back to his phone and hammered out a line with his fingers. Hanging with my brother tonight.

bring him with

Is your sister coming?

no excuses

Matt could think of a hundred. Nope

i thought blondes had more fun  ¬_¬

With a verbal groan, Matt's fingers found the bridge of his nose. Tai's name blurred across the screen of his mobile. He set the phone face down and fiddled with a box of cigarettes nestled in his pocket, fingertips dancing along the few that remained.

“Better leave them there,” TK mumbled into his mattress. “Mom's gonna flip when she finds out you're smoking.” He lifted his head and Patamon squirmed in his sleep. “Who are you texting?”

Matt pulled out a cigarette anyway, letting it linger against his lips. “Tai.”

“You're not going to light that in here...”

“I'm going outside.”

“Better brace yourself. An hour lecture. Minimum.” TK watched as Matt stood. “You didn't tell her about Sora yet, did you?”

The cigarette bent between Matt's teeth.

“Make that two hours,” said TK.

come on! Mimis back. i told her every1 would be there b a friend and act suprised

With a sigh, Matt closed the balcony door behind him. His phone went off again.

man up. u cant avoid Sora 4ever

I'm not Matt stopped typing and his thumb jabbed into the backspace button, erasing his words. He shoved the phone in his pocket and lit his cigarette.

…

your gonna come cuz im irresitable

Does your phone not have spell check?

its not smart

Sora bit back a smile and rolled her eyes.

“Are you sexting?”

Her whole face flushed. “Omigod, no. Mimi.”

Noodles flopped in front of Sora's nose when Mimi pointed a pair of chopsticks at her. “You look like you're playing coy. Is it Matt?” Mimi grinned and the yakisoba retreated, sliding behind her pink lips with a loud slurp.

“Playing coy?”

Mimi spoke with one cheek full. “Pretending you don't like the sexting.”

“I am not sexting.”

“You and Matt don't sext?”

Sora put her phone down. “No! What if someone read it?”

“Who doesn't enjoy some steamy literature once in a while?”

“My mother.”

“She doesn't like Matt?”

“She doesn't like sexting,” Sora hissed. She hid her face behind her hand when an old couple was seated in the booth beside them. “You did hear me when I said we broke up, right?”

“I'd rather live in denial.” Mimi pouted when Sora glared. “Whyyyy? You guys are so cute together.”

That was true, she guessed. Every picture of them was gorgeous. Matt was perpetually handsome, even when he was at his worst. Did he have a worst, really? His frown practically oozed sex. That definitely wasn't his worst: the brooding crease by his cheekbones and narrowed frosty gaze. His smile certainly wasn't. It was bright and charming, even when he was all awkward and embarrassed and his cheeks burst into rosy splotches.

Sora closed her eyes when her phone chimed with a new message. “I don't know,” she said. “Maybe that's why.”

“Because you guys are cute...?”

“Because we...” A piece of chicken was speared through by her chopstick. “Because we're perfect together.” Sora concentrated on wrapping a single noodle around it. She swore she could hear Mimi's jaw drop.

“Well, that's stupid.”

Sora looked up and found Mimi's mouth had puckered, like she tasted something sour. Her eyes narrowed and Sora's narrowed right back. “Thanks.”

“Explain.”

Sora groaned. “It feels like we're always trying too hard. We never fight.” She sighed when Mimi raised her brows. “I mean about us. Our relationship. Shouldn't we fight about us sometimes?”

“You broke up with Matt because you guys don't fight about your relationship?”

“You're making it sound stupid.”

“I'm just repeating what you said.”

Sora flicked a straw wrapper at her and it barely fluttered. “I tried once. To fight with him. About the band. I acted like I was jealous of it, even though I wasn't.” She laughed and Mimi took another big bite of yakisoba. “He just looked at me, you know, like he was trying to get me and then he asked if he should quit.”

“Seriously?”

“Dead serious. He wasn't even mad. He said it didn't matter. Like music didn't matter more than me.”

“That's really sweet.”

“It's not. It's uncomfortable.” Sora poked at her food and everything seemed to rush out of her in one breath. “I'm always uncomfortable. When its just us, I get... he makes me nervous – my stomach hurts, sometimes I can't even breathe.”

“Sounds like a crush.”

“It's exactly like a crush.” Sora frowned. “For four years.”

Mimi swallowed another bite of noodles and stared at her, hard. “You broke up with Matt because you've had a crush on him for four years.”

“I just want to be friends again. I want to sit in a room with him while he plays guitar and not feel like I have to sing his praises. I want to work on a sketch without him telling me how beautiful it is. I want him to forget our anniversary. I want him to do something wrong.” Sora's eyes sunk to her uneaten meal and found a notification on her phone.

“You want someone less perfect.”

Nodding, Sora checked her messages. “I guess.”

sora you dissapoint me. i left u the perfect opening and u blew it. so u coming 2 the party or what?

“Do you want to go to this party Tai's bugging me about?” Sora asked.

Mimi beamed. “Who do you think convinced him to go?”

….

emergency meeting

“I call bullshit,” Davis grumbled.

The pew pew pew of the arcade shooter quieted when Yolei stopped her relentless button mashing to raise a brow at him. It shot up like a question mark beneath her lenses, glaring with the countless lights of electronics. “What?”

Leaning against the side of an old pinball machine, Davis lifted his phone so she could see the text on his screen.

Ken took out another couple zombies before racking up his arcade gun. Davis huffed when Ken's name outranked his in the high scores.

Pushing hair behind his ear, Ken pulled his cell from his back pocket. “I have the same text.”

Yolei hung up the gun she'd still been holding and grinned devilishly when her name climbed to the top of the screen. She flipped open her phone. “He sent it to all of us.

“It's bullshit,” Davis spat. “Guaranteed. Mimi's in town, scheming. She probably stole his phone.”

“It does say emergency,” said Ken.

“Wait. No, Davis is right. I think he's bluffing.” She pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her purse and attempted to smooth it. “Apparently Tai's class is lacking in graphic designers. I think someone did this in Paint. God awful.”

She held up a flyer covered in ridiculously drawn confetti and written entirely in Comic Sans. “The seniors are throwing a graduation party.”

Ken looked at his phone again. “Why would Tai invite underclassmen?”

“Because it's Tai,” said Yolei. “He likes attention.”

Davis frowned. “He's going to beat me up.”

“Oh please, he messaged all of us.”

“I'm not going,” said Davis. Bullshit, he typed.

u got me emergency party

And then a second later, dont worry, im not gonna beat u up

Davis leaned forward, peering suspiciously around the corner to find a bunch of elementary kids gathered around the latest version of DDR. No Tai. He held up a finger when Yolei tried to talk to him. Thanks, he wrote. It took him a while to hammer out the next line. Kari gonna be there? I need to talk to her.

maybe not

“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Yolei.

Davis flinched and shrugged his shoulder into her chin, nudging her away. “Stop reading my texts.”

“You were about to show it to me anyway.”

True, but he wasn't about to admit it.  “Mind your own business.”

“Please, your business is everyone's business.”

“No it's not.” Davis looked to Ken for back up and was let down by a shrug. “Shut up.”

“I didn't say anything,” said Ken.

Davis huffed and showed Ken his phone. “What is this supposed to mean?”

“I think he's being purposefully elusive.”

“So that I come? Or I don't? Maybe he forgot to leave me out of the message.”

“I doubt that,” said Ken.

“He knows it takes two to tango,” said Yolei.

“There was no tango-ing,” Davis snapped, trying not to sound disappointed. “We had a moment.”

“With your tongues. While she was dating TK.”

Davis reached into his hair to fiddle with his goggles before he remembered they were missing. He could still picture them, nestled in Kari's hair. He crossed his arms. “I know, I know. I'm an asshole.”

“You just weren't thinking,” said Ken.  If it had come from someone else, Davis would've taken it as an insult, but Ken did this thing with his voice that was eerily soothing.

“Was that Kari's excuse?” Yolei's eyes went all squinty, the same way they did whenever she took off her glasses. Davis sorta wanted to steal them so she always looked that stupid.

“It was a moment,” he repeated.

She was already ignoring him, fingernails clicking against buttons as she hammered out her own texts at breakneck speed.

Davis pouted at Ken and returned to Tai's message. It must have taken him a good five minutes to write back, because Ken was already winning against the next round of computer zombies.  Tell her to come. I'll be good. You can even chaperone us.

His phone gave a pleasant chirp in return.

as if u had a choice

Davis started to respond when Yolei's voice squealed, “Oh! We're doing makeovers at Sora's!”

“We?” he asked.

“For the party. With Mimi. The girls,” Yolei said. Before Davis could open his mouth again, she looked up from her phone to glare at him. “Kari's not coming.”

He frowned. “Crap.”

Ken gave him a small smile. “Whack-a-mole?”

“How'd ya guess?”

…

emergency meeting

Green eyes scanned the words through thin metal bars. Ripping off his glove, Cody typed a quick reply. Where?

His fingers tapped impatiently on the end of a shinai while he waited for a response. “Sorry, sensei.”

Removing his helmet, Chikara Hida gave a wave of dismissal and kicked back a swig of prune juice. His white beard came back glistening around a smile, wrinkles kissing the corners of his cheeks. “How is the Digital World these days?”

“Peaceful.” Cody pulled off his own helmet and pushed strands of damp hair from his eyes. He looked over his shoulder to where Upamon was happily playing with his own mini shinai, his oversized ears swinging it around with strange precision. Cody's attention turned back to his phone and it felt suddenly heavy in his hand. “It's been a long time since we've had a meeting.”

“We haven't seen anyone since I've been back,” complained Upamon, suddenly dropping his weapon. He bounced across the dojo floor and flew into Cody's back, forcing him forward. “Are we having a meeting?”

“Sounds like it.” His phone chimed and he peered down at the new message.

Bullshit, it said. A tiny avatar bursting with burgundy hair appeared beside it. Davis was grinning behind his goggles and shooting up what he must have thought was some sort of American gang sign.

Cody squinted at his phone, watching as Tai and Davis messaged back and forth.

“Is everything all right?” his grandfather asked.

“False alarm,” Cody answered flatly. He gave Upamon's head an affectionate pat and typed out a quick message of his own.

Davis, you're in a group text.

His phone chimed again.

Fuck

…

Ba-ding.

Ba-ding. Ba-ding.

Ba-ding.

The phone slid under a pillow and a body slid under the sheets, further and further until it was just a ball at the foot of the bed. It gave a pitiful moan. “Please stop.”

A door creaked open. “You could turn it off.”

The lump shook, a pathetic vibrating that only ended when the smoothly tucked corners of the the comforter were yanked out from under the mattress, uncovering it.

Susumu Kamiya sat on the bed and gave his daughter's hair a rub. Chestnut strands stuck in every direction, clinging to the sheets.

Kari pulled the covers back over her head. “I messed everything up,” she moaned, wiping damp cheeks into her mattress. “Even Tai's mad at me.”

“He's not mad at you, honey. He's just brothering.” Susumu laughed, just a little snort of appreciation at his own humor. “You know, like mothering, but he's your broth—”

“Got it, Dad,” Kari moaned.

“Anyway, you didn't mess everything up. You're in high school, Kari. This isn't time for a serious relationship anyway.”

“You mean any relationship.”

“That's my girl.”

Ba-ding.

Susumu's hand reached and slipped under her pillow. He started scrolling through her messages.

Kari peeked from under the covers. “Dad!”

“You don't want to read that. Or that.” He stretched his arm away from her grabbing hand. “Protecting my daughter's virtue is my dadly duty. Please.”

Kari found her nose smushed under his palm. “Stop looking at my—”

“Definitely not that. Wow. I'm gonna have a talk with his mother about that language. Oh here.” Susumu released her face and handed her the phone. A row of texts had appeared, all accompanied by a grinning picture of Mimi Tachikawa, who (courtesy some good trick photography) seemed to be sporting Lady Liberty's crown.

“You should go have fun with the girls,” Susumu said. “Get out of the house.”

Kari looked up from her phone and frowned. “Stop fathering me.”

“Too late.” He patted her knee with a boyish grin. “Did that a long time ago.”

….

im here. ur mom made dinner. its delish

“Mmmmm, Mrs. Izumi,” Tai mumbled through a mouthful of dumplings, “dese are amadin'.” He grabbed another between his fingers and offered it to Joe, who sat awkwardly beside him, knees knocking into the Izumi's coffee table.

Joe peered over his glasses at the food, moist in Tai's palm. “Let's leave some for Izzy.”

Shrugging, Tai popped it in to join the others. The bedroom door opened.

“Iddy!” Tai swallowed. “Can I have your mom?”

Izzy's eyes, dark and lined with heavy shadows, flickered to the kitchen where his mother was putting together another plate. His attention turned back to Tai who seemed to be waiting for a serious answer. “No.”

“I have some fresh bok choy and garlic,” Mrs. Izumi said, carrying a tray into the living room. The smell preceded her and Tai's mouth started to water.

“Trade?”

Izzy ignored him and turned his attention to Joe. “I'm going to make an educated guess and conclude the emergency's a farce.”

“This is why I don't add you to group texts,” Tai grumbled. “You ruin all the fun.”

Mrs. Izumi set the bok choy on the table and Tai quickly snatched some up with his chopsticks, thanking her through a loud slurp. “Would you boys like anything to drink?” she asked.

“Could I take my dinner in my room?”

“Oh, well, of course, Izzy, but,” Mrs. Izumi seemed to hesitate, her hands wringing together, “don't you want to take a break?”

“I want to show them what I've been working on,” he said, rubbing a tired eye. “I'll go to bed after that.”

“No way, emergency meeting, Izzy.”

Izzy set his eyebrows until they looked like a big bushy V and Tai grimaced.

“Is everything all right?”

“Everything's fine, Mom. Don't worry.”

“Okay, I'll just put this all on a tray for you. Tai, Joe, are you staying for—”

“No,” Izzy said. “They have a party to go to.” He pulled open his door, motioning for them to step inside.

“Aw man,” Tai moaned, slumping into Izzy's office chair. His neck craned backwards, making it seem as if his large mop of hair was weighing him down. “Killjoy, that's what you are. I coulda boxed that up and taken it home for later. Do you know how hard it is to get a good meal at my house?”

Izzy pushed the chair so that it rolled away from his desk, Tai flopping with it. An array of screens were running in black and white, with code so tiny that Tai had squint his eyes to make out any of it.

“So what's got you too busy to make it to my graduation party? This is like a once in a lifetime opportunity, Izzy.”

“No one went to mine,” interjected Joe, stretching his legs as he sat on Izzy's bed. “Including me.”

“Wrong.” Tai snapped his fingers. “I went to yours.”

Izzy tapped a couple of lines into the screen, his dark eyes running back and forth to double check his work. He looked haggard. His red hair was long again, sticking out in every direction in greasy clumps. Tai was about to ask when he'd last thought to take a shower when he spoke up.

“I'm replicating the data that existed in the world MaloMyotismon brought Davis's team into.”

Tai sat up straight and used his feet to roll the chair forward. His eyes danced over the screens. “You mean Whoop-ass Wishing World?”

“That's what you named it?” Joe asked.

Tai gave a shrug. “Davis did. Made sense.”

“WWW.” Izzy's top lip curled with a hint of amusement, fingers still flying across the keys. “Because of it's connection to the Digital World, I've actually managed to extract a quantitative code that could potentially give us the power to create tangible spaces with the images in our brains: memories, dreams...”

Joe gave a heavy swallow. “You're kidding.”

“Not at all,” groaned a voice beside his rear.

Joe jumped, literally taking off across the room with a hand clutched over his breast when Tentomon appeared from under the covers.

“He's been working on it all night,” Tentomon moaned, green digital eyes flickering sleepily. “And all day. And the night before that and the night before that...”

“So what you're saying is”—Tai gave a big grin and rolled up, bumping the back of the chair into Izzy's legs—“he needs a break. A party perhaps?”

Izzy was already shaking his head. “I'm not going, Tai. Do you have any idea what a breakthrough like this could mean? We can dream up”—he started to look a bit manic— “endless possibilities. This could mean a world of unlimited resources... we can literally create an entire world of unlimited resources.”

“You must have weird dreams.”

“He has no time for dreams,” yawned Tentomon. “Never sleeps.”

“Izzy, Izzy, Izzy,” Tai tsked. He stood and threw an arm around his shoulders. “You gotta know when to quit. This isn't healthy, is it, Joe?”

Joe was already busy picking up an assortment of empty tea bottles from the floor. “I hope you're drinking water.”

Izzy lifted his shadow-rimmed eyes to Tai's, squinting. “Breakthrough.”

“Is this why you missed my soccer game Friday?” Tai pouted when Izzy gave a shrug. “You wound me.”

A knock disturbed them and Mrs. Izumi slowly opened the door with a tray of food in her arms. There was enough for all of them even though they weren't staying. “It's so nice to see you boys,” she said when Izzy quickly turned back to his screen. “It's been too long.”

Tai deflated. “College applications, ugh.”

In truth, they were only half the problem. It had been more than six months since he had attempted to get the group together.  The older they got, the more complicated everything seemed to get. School was a given, relationships were just, ugh, drama... heck, even soccer was crazy. A quarter of the team was stressing over college scouts. Tai was over it. He hated complicated – the stress, everything--it was easier to avoid it.

“Just wait until you're in college,” groaned Joe. “I don't even know why I'm here.”

“Easy.” Tai grinned. “Me.”

Mrs. Izumi smiled. “I can't believe how much you've all grown.” She set the tray down and the fingers on her hand twitched, just behind her son's red hair. It lowered suddenly when Izzy began to plug in another line of a code and Tai noticed the way her smile stretched when her eyes filled with tears.

Joe must have noticed too, because he started fumbling with his armful of empty bottles and excused himself, bolting out of the room to throw them into the recycling bin.

Izzy immediately stopped typing and turned to her. “I can't speak for Tai, but I'd deduce my growth has a lot to do with your incredible cooking.” He rubbed one tired eye and forced a grateful smile.

“Please speak for me,” Tai said, swiping yet another dumpling. He internally breathed a sigh of relief when Mrs. Izumi's face lit up, tears shining.

“I really appreciate it,” Izzy continued. Pink welled into his cheeks when she kept smiling. “Thanks, Mom.”

Her voice came out sweet and strangled. “You're welcome, sweetheart. You boys let me know if there is anything else I can get you.” The door closed after Tai caught her wiping her eyes.

He turned to Izzy. There was a brief moment unspoken between them, a concern Tai wasn't sure how to voice: What's going on? Why is your mom crying? Are you okay?

Izzy turned back to his screen and Tentomon buzzed into the side of his leg, a not so subtle nudge. He leaned down to grab a dumpling from his partner's outstretched claw.

“I'll call you when I've reached a stopping point,” Izzy said before taking a bite. His mouse clicked once, twice, and then he reached backwards without looking and rolled the office chair back in front of the desk. He took a seat and clicked again.

“Okay, I get it.” Tai shoveled a mound of food into his palm for the road. “You're on a roll. Breakthrough. Yeah, call me when you decide to be cool again.”

“A breakthrough that could theoretically save the world.”

“Meh. Already did that. Literally.” Tai put one last dumpling on his pile. “You make sure he gets a shower later, eh Tentomon?”

Izzy frowned while Tentomon gave an obedient salute.

Tai's fingers danced by his head in a weak imitation of Medusa's snakes. “Your hair, Izzy, geez. Shower! Water, food... life!” He tore into the dough with his teeth and spoke through a mouthful of pork. “You know Mimi's gonna be there, right?”

There was another light flush in Izzy's cheeks and Tai felt triumphant.

“Tell her I said hello,” Izzy mumbled before taking his own bite of food. “How long is she in town?”

“A week, I think.” Tai gave a shrug and headed for the door. “Life,” he hissed, backing out of the room. “La-iiife.” He could have sworn he saw Izzy start to laugh, just the slightest shake of his shoulders.

Joe almost ran into his back. “Where are you going?”

Tai popped another piece of food into his mouth. “To da pardy.”

“What, that's it? You aren't going to drag him out by the collar and call him a pansy?”

“Nope.”

Joe glared through his lenses. “Yet it's perfectly acceptable to do to me?”

“Can't do it to Izzy.” Tai slapped him between the shoulders of his collared shirt, hard. “He's got a backbone.”

…

The screen had gone blurry long before he finally quit. Izzy's face lowered onto the keyboard, crushing keys. Blank lines entered beneath the cursor until there was nothing left but black. It took a minute before he realized he'd fallen asleep.

Izzy peeled his sticky cheek from the back of his hand and robotically erased the lines until he was back to a screen full of code. He rubbed his eyes but the numbers wouldn't focus. Yawning, he saved his work and rolled his chair backwards.

“Shower,” he mumbled, still hearing Tai's voice chiming cheerfully in his ear.

It had been a long time since Tai had been by.

Maybe it just felt long. Time didn't pass normally when he was working. Obsessing, Tentomon would say worriedly from his usual position on his bed. The digimon spent the rest of his time in the kitchen with his mom, worrying. Izzy cast a look over his shoulder as he trudged tiredly to the hall, catching the digimon snoring beneath the covers. Guilt crawled into his belly and he slowly closed the door behind him.

Izzy tried to shake it off. It would be over soon. The program was complete. It was riddled with bugs, a million different glitches that he couldn't seem to figure out, but the essence was there. The power to create, just waiting for his fingertips.

Turning on the water seemed mundane, infinitesimal in comparison to everything he could be doing. Necessary only because he was, unfortunately, still very human.

Izzy stared at himself in the mirror, his red hair was greasy and wild from endless frustrated tugs and long enough that it looked a miniature version of Tai's gravity defying mane. He attempted to smooth it and it stuck to his scalp in kinky waves. He gave himself a small sniff and his nose crinkled with disgust.

Sighing, he stripped and stepped into the shower. Code danced across his closed eyes, burnt permanently into his retinas, while the screen in his room slowly ate it away.

Inside his computer, the numbers collapsed. Code slipped from all sides of the monitor, funneling to the center of the screen. The whole room flashed, a distortion of a pixels, just a glimpse into the world beyond. Then everything went silent.

Months of work lost and in its wake, a black hole, just waiting for something else to come close.