#i am blocking people as soon as i get the notification these days

[laracrofted]

babes, if you’re interacting at all with my 18+ content with a blank or ageless blog, i have to assume you’re a minor — or a spam account — and i will block you. it’s really not that hard.

[soaps-mohawk]

So...

I've been doing some thinking about a couple of things.

This blog has grown considerably, even from its start and I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Your support never ceases to amaze me and I owe all of you a lot for giving me something to focus on this year instead of spiraling into insanity.

But

Things have gotten a tad bit overwhelming recently between trying to run the blog and trying to write. I find myself either having to ignore the blog to get writing done, or sacrifice writing time and energy to spend time on the blog and keep up with all the replies/reblogs/asks etc. Definitely not complaining, you all never cease to amaze me.

But, I am just one person and my brain only has so much power right now. So, I'm planning to take some (more) time off each week right now while I focus on writing and planning since we're getting into some serious plot stuff soon. So I'm planning to be on the blog three days a week for a while: Saturday, Sunday, and Thursday. That gives me some time to get some writing done as well as some time to rest my brain.

Saturday and Sunday of course to post the chapter and respond to replies and reblogs so I don't get super behind. Monday I'll have some asks queued up as well as maybe a few reblogs. I'll still use the queue Tuesday and Wednesday for reblogs/asks with spoilers as usual. Thursday I'll be on the blog answering asks from Monday - Wednesday as well as things I get that day. I'll queue up a few things for Friday since that day gives me a little break between to prepare for the weekend and posting the chapter.

I'll probably add more days as time goes on. You can still send in asks on the days I'm gone, but just know I won't see them or respond to them until later in the week. I already get behind by a couple days on asks anyway so that's not much of a change.

Don't feel bad for sending them either, I love getting all these asks, I just tend to get behind on days I spend more time writing.

The second order of business

has to do with my taglist. Most of you probably haven't noticed (which I don't blame you lol) but my taglist has gotten very big. Very, very big. It's just over 230 people right now, and I'm sure there will be others asking to join. It's quite time consuming to do all of these tags for every chapter (especially since we can't tag in blocks anymore) so I've been doing some thinking into how I can make it easier for me, and for you.

I know there's at least one blog I've heard of, though I'm sure there's more, that have made side blogs that they have people follow and turn on notifications for and just make a post on that blog when they post a chapter or fic, etc. I've been considering doing that since the taglist is a lot of work and time.

I've also seen blogs that have side blogs that just post chapters/fics and nothing else. I know quite a few of you only follow for the fic, so if anyone is interested, I could put together a side blog like that as well that you can follow and get notifications from instead of having to follow this blog and having to go through the probably 100 posts that I make a day 😂 (at least it feels that way for me)

Having a separate blog for the taglist too would allow me to schedule posts so I can have them come out a bit earlier than I get up for those of you across the world who stay up to read and have to wait for me to post in the morning when I get up (or later like today because I slept in). Of course Ao3 will get posted later because I can't schedule posts there, but at least for Tumblr I can have things post earlier.

So let me know what you think about the taglist side blog and the possible just chapters/fics side blog. Feel free to send in asks (anonymously or not) with your opinion. I might not answer them all (not tonight because my brain is fried and honestly i'm not sure if this is even comprehensible English) but I will at least use them to make the decision (or make a post with all of them and answer it as just one).

[infamous-if]

Dec ✮ 12 ✮ 2024 – update

Part of me hates doing these mostly because it's a whole lotta nothing and me just repeating everything I said the last update (lol) but I do like doing it because I like keeping people updated, even if it's a non-update. I may sound like a broken record (pun not intended) but I know a lot of people don't catch my updates every time so it's nice to just keep people informed yk yk

✮ — Part 2 + rewrite

Fun fact: I had written an entire essay about my excitement for the rewrite and chapter 3 and beyond but it got too long!

It boiled down to me wondering why I'm so excited for this rewrite and realizing it's because I feel comfortable enough to approach it with complete creative freedom. I wrote the first iteration of the demo with the constant worries swimming in my head like "I hope people understand what I'm trying to say here" and "I hope this situation is being read the way I intended for it to be read." And I think I sort of had those thoughts tenfold while writing Part 2. If you paid attention, you can probably see where I was trying to shut down certain discussions in the narrative lmao

Recently I had a tiny epiphany and reminded myself that it's not always about what I intend to write, but what is being understood by each reader. And yes this is basic writing 101 but let me have this moment of clarity okay. Embracing that means I can proceed with Infamous without holding back and sticking to my guns in regards to what I want for this story aka I'm just going to write what I write and like....not worry about the rest you feel (while of course integrating the common critiques and suggestions and improving on the things Infamous falls short in—I am not Shakespeare lmao)

ANYWAY my point is that I'm excited to fix up the demo !!! and just go back to it with complete confidence in myself and write whatever the heck feels right to me (and write the rest of the story lolol) and return with a better story than I have now for everyone!!

✮ — December will be for

planning what I'm going to improve and squeezing that in a reworked outline so it can flow much better narratively.

Outlining Chapter 3 and hopefully have the bare bones first draft drafted up which is mostly just be writing blocks of descriptions

I'm not sure I'll have anything substantial to justify looking for beta testers so soon yet but maybe!

work on my spice writing babey writing/reading spice makes me actually physically recoil but im determined to get better! which reminds me to finish the 6k follower gifts!

And also take a small breather because I am moving!

✮ — Patreon

I've already mentioned this on Patreon and a few times on here, but I do want to reiterate that Patreon content is coming out in bulk this month, in case anyone was wondering why I'm not posting as frequently. The content is still the same in terms of the quantity, it just won't be released every few days! thank you guys for being understanding of that <3

✮ —

My activity has is decreasing little by little due to my move but I do read every question and try to at least answer one question a day. I get quite a few mentions lately so I have to sort through those since I do get tagged in things, but I miss them due to my notifications. Usually I hope for the best and hope tracking the tag puts it on my dashboard <3 im not ignoring anyone!

That's all for now! Hope everyone has a happy December and Happy Holidays!

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Seventeen

A/n: IT'S BEEN A WHILE! Hi, I'm very sorry for the wait! But even so, I hope this next part will have been worth it, there's a lot going on here and it jumps around a bit but it is longer! Enjoy? x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots happening!! Mentions of food, body issues, bouts of sadness and struggles with both physical and mental health (dw, there's still a healthy amount of fluff, im not that evil)

Masterlist

--

“Excited, darling?”

Matty’s enlivened voice startled me from the messy thoughts which swarmed my mind, I glanced up and out of my daze to find him walking over. I hummed back in soft confusion.

“I mean, you’re finally getting out of this shit-hole and your face only continues to look like that of a slapped arse,” Matty snorted as he dropped down onto the bed beside me, though he did nudge my shoulder to soften the blow. 

Still, my eyes narrowed as I wrinkled my nose up at him in retort.

“This do you any better?” I goaded, getting into his space.

I watched his mouth pull up into a lopsided grin, it stayed there even as he rolled his eyes at me and proceeded to shove my face away from his.

“Tons." Matty blew out, "But come on, darling, what’s been going on, eh? Figured you’d be bouncing off the walls by now, been planning an escape ever since you first opened your eyes.”

I quirked a brow at him. “Erm I’d quite like to remind you, Healy, that I am currently incapable of bouncing from foot to foot at this very moment in time, let alone any walls. Also, I’m pretty sure that Dr Mann would rescind my release papers if I even made an attempt.”

With a shrug, I shot him a braggart smile. 

“Yeah, alright Einstein.” Matty drawled with another roll of his eyes. “That still doesn’t answer my question though, does it?” 

His gaze drifted downwards then to where I held my phone tightly in my good hand. Its shattered screen tended to draw the eye- but I figured I’d get it fixed soon enough, when I had a bit of money to spare instead of taking up the guys’ offer of just getting me a new one altogether. They were utter idiots if they thought for one second that I’d ever agree to an offer like that. Though, it had been rather sweet.

But in truth, I only had my phone on me because I’d been waiting on a text. Or a call. Or any sort of notification that would let me know that George hadn’t just gone and disappeared off of the face of the Earth- again. 

Though it seemed to be an ongoing thing with him, something of a hobby now that I’d actually thought about it...

See, after the events that had transpired during his last visit, it was safe to say that I hadn’t heard from him again since he’d left. Which, in itself, had been quite the dramatic exit.

What with Hann having gone off at him whilst the rest of us had been too fucking shell-shocked to try and sort things out between ourselves. George had taken his opportunity and ran with it, darted the second fate had given him the chance. Which had actually been in the arrival of the day-nurse with my breakfast, who’d been awfully surprised by the audience of people, as well as the very tense atmosphere we’d created. 

The lads, well mainly just Ross, had reassured me a few times since then that they’d let George know about my discharge from the hospital, but there hadn’t been any sort of response from him. Not anything of worth at least, unless you considered him blocking me on every social media platform.

Yeah, that’d hurt.

“Love.” Matty called out again with a huffed laugh, gently knocking me sideways.

I blinked out of my stupor and over towards him, “Sorry, what?”

With an exaggerated groan, Matty rolled his eyes at me and fell back onto the bed in a strop. “You know… when they listed off what the fuck was wrong with you, I don’t remember them ever bringing up amnesia.”

“Oh, piss off.” I scowled and tried to swat at him, but I couldn’t hide my slight smile, especially when I carefully lowered myself down to join him, the two of us just sprawled there, sidewards on the sheets. I kicked at his ankle childishly and his legs locked around mine in retaliation. 

“Almost wish I’d been given amnesia if it meant I’d be free of you.” I mumbled, hoping he’d take the bait. 

And he did. Matty gasped brightly and I could only laugh at the indignant expression that overwhelmed his face.

“You prick, take that back!” He practically shouted, slapping the back of his hand against my hip.

“Sorry, no can do, Healy. Lying’s a sin and all that gobshite.”

I received a derisive snort in return but when I glanced over at him, Matty was wearing a fond sort of grin. “Our little atheist, glad to have you back.”

I shook my head in mock exasperation, fighting off a wider smile, and then proceeded to shove at him when he tried to rope me into an awkward sort of hug due to our position. “Oh sod off, would you!”

“Nah, at least not until you say you love me!” He quipped back, burying his chin in my hair. 

“Matty!” I groaned, but ultimately resigned myself to the fact we’d probably be stuck here a while. “You’re actually such a stubborn prat.”

My head reeled back as best as it could into the mattress when Matty’s face suddenly popped into view above me. “Pot, meet kettle.”

Helplessly, I groaned again.

“Knob.”

—

Knock. Knock. 

I looked up from where I’d lazily been packing at the soft sound and smiled when I saw Lee stood in the doorway waiting for me. “Hey.” I greeted him with a soft grin and he returned the sentiment just as easily.

“You got everything?” Lee asked me whilst he made his way over, eyeing what little items remained on the bed. 

“This is the last of it.” I told him, tucking away a folded t-shirt. “Why, you gonna miss me or something?” I questioned with a sly smile, feeling very smug when he laughed and gave me a feeble nod.

“‘Course I will. Besides, you know you’re my favourite patient, what am I going to do without you and all your chaotic fuss?” He quipped and I had to chuckle, feigning a halfhearted glare even as I pointed towards him.

“You say that now, but you’ll be glad for the peace.”

Lee shook his head, wearing a smile that was only ever made for sorrowful goodbyes, and I had to tut at him before I started getting all misty eyed too. I stepped forwards and threw my one good arm round his neck to tug him in.  

“‘M gonna miss you.” I mumbled into his shoulder, silently cursing the tears that had started to prickle behind my eyes. He only hugged me tighter at the admission before we finally parted ways, and I watched as he tried to brave a real smile for me.

“I’m gonna miss you, too. Reckon everyone here will,” Lee sniffed, “You and your boys have made this ward into a VIP lounge of sorts.”

We both snorted at that, knowing it to be all too true. Everyone had been aiming to get a bed in our unit, what with the band coming and going, Matty and all his theatrics. Just thinking about it, it was a massive surprise to suddenly realise that there had been a real lack of paps.

Or maybe, I’d just been shielded from it… I made a mental note to ask one of the lads later on.

“I’ll come visit.” I assured Lee before my face fell into an anxious sort of frown, thinking it over. “Wait, that’s alright, ain’t it? Me stopping by?”

With a simple mirth filled laugh, Lee pulled me into another long hug, “I’m counting on it.”

I hid my smile in the collar of his scrubs.

—

“Oi.” Ross said to me, nudging my knee with his free hand from where he sat in the driver’s seat, it broke me from where I’d previously been watching the world outside pass by. “Was talkin’ to you.” He added.

My brows lifted and I blinked as I turned away from the window. 

“Sorry, just strange being outside again. Feels weird.” I told him honestly, fingers tapping away on the door handle. 

The giant snorted in turn and moved to shift gears. “Like when you get back off holiday weird? Or you’ve been frozen and just woken up, sort of weird?”

“Second. Futurama type shit.” I nodded decisively, eyes skittering over everything we drove by so that I could take it all in. The gossamer sky and its many clouds. The dozens of contradicting faces. Those with their frowns and them with their laughter. Even the postbox got its fair share of gawking. But then I had to shake my head and peer back over at him, “What were you saying anyway? Before.”

Ross blew a soft exhale out of his nose and I watched one side of his mouth quirk upwards slightly. “I asked if you were gonna be alright, camping out at Matty’s place and whatnot. Figured you might’ve finally had enough of the daft idiot.”

I laughed softly and shook my head at him in turn. “Nah, we’ll be alright. Besides, Doctor's said I needed to have someone close by whilst I’m still recovering, didn’t they? And Matty, he offered.” I shrugged, playing with a loose thread on my jeans. “Well, I say offered, he just sort of decided- but I was just grateful for it all the same. I mean, who else would’ve put me up for so long? Not like I could just head on up to my mum’s if I wanted, or have my boyfriend wait on me hand and foot.”

I snorted at the very thought, but it died the second I saw the hardened eyes Ross wore- even with them casted out towards the road. I knuckled his shoulder in hopes to ease his sudden solemn mood.

“Awh, what’s wrong, MacDonald? Sad you didn't get the chance to house me for a couple weeks, ey?”

Ross cracked a smile at that just as the car made a right, he glanced over at me. “Yeah actually. Could’ve had a right laugh me and you together. Plus, nursing you back to health would’ve given me the chance to get out of a couple of these upcoming meetings we’ve got going on.”

My mouth dropped open at the revelation and I flicked his upper arm in retaliation. “Oi, I’m not some helpless pawn you can use!”

With an amused roll of his eyes, Ross flashed me a toothy grin. “I know that- still, would’ve been a win, win though.”

I simply shook my head at his wind up attempt and left the topic to rest.

Trying not to move too much in my seat, despite my discomfort, I let my head loll back against the headrest. “What time did Matty say he’d be back anyway?”

Said prat had gone and dipped out of the ward a little over an hour before I’d been set for release, claiming he had ‘shit to sort out’.

Ross had originally offered to bum us both a lift but in the end Matty had decided on getting himself an Uber after having given the bassist strict instructions on where to collect the rest of my medication and how to get me home. ‘Safe and sound?’ Ross had assumed, but no. Matty had given him quite the detailed description- having already accounted for the journey and its flow of traffic when we'd first received the news- but he’d also had another rant prepared for what would occur if those points were not met.

It’d been a laugh. For me, at least. Ross not so much.

“Uh,” I watched as Ross’s eyes flickered to the dashboard of his swanky motor before he answered me, “Probably be back about the time we are, could already be there.”

His phone dinged then and we both shared a look when a couple more rapidly followed. 

“Guess you’re a psychic, MacDonald.” I told him, then chuckled to myself when Ross winced and moved to turn the radio up, mainly in hopes to drown out the many messages from Matty on his pinging phone.

By the time we pulled up to Matty’s, both Ross and I were rather thankful for the fact that the frontman had seemingly made it back before us, seeing as he’d gone and left the front gate wide open so that the car could graze up the driveway.

I peered as best as I could through the windscreen at the house as I unclipped my seatbelt and Ross turned off the engine. It looked far too still, which always through me off whenever I came over, but even more so than usual. The hospital had been severely overcrowded though, and so it was incredibly bizarre to be welcomed by something so polar-opposite.

“You good?”

Absentmindedly, I nodded at Ross's question and the man took it for what it was, hopping out so that he could grab my things for me. The car was eerily quiet for a brief moment before the boot opened and the sound of rustling and the birds that had nested in the nearby oak tree flooded in. I tried not to focus too hard on the faint buzz that’d started up, deafening my left ear, and instead moved to follow.

“He reckons he left the front door unlocked for us, so just head on in, yeah? I’ll grab this lot.” Ross told me, catching my attention once I’d finally managed to slam the car door shut behind me.

“You sure?” I questioned him, eyes squinted as they got used to the full force of the sun. Even with its sly chill this time of year, London always came with a harsh glare.

“‘Course, go on. I’ll just be a sec.”

I nodded to myself and paced the rest of the way up to the stoop. Luckily, Ross’d been right and the handle gave way with just a gentle push, allowing me to step inside.

“Matty?” I called out, peering my head around the hallway’s first corner to see if he was in the living-room or kitchen. “Matt?” I said again, this time a little louder.

“Yeah! 'M up here!” I heard him shout back, voice muffled and a way away. I frowned but found myself already making a beeline for the stairs.

“What the fuck are you even doing up there?” I asked out loud as I slowly edged my way to the top. “You better not be on the shitter, Matthew! I’ve been there, done that, and would very much not like to relive it.”

I grimaced at the vivid reminder my mind then gifted me. It was safe to say that it hadn’t been the most gracious of days for either one of us. 

See, the tour bus flu was indeed very much real and also a huge fucking menace. Six hours stuck in a moving metal bin fitted with one singular toilet in a bathroom no bigger than a coffin was actual hell when you were yoshing and another person had the shits.

Matty and I hadn’t been able to look one another in the eye for a good while after that. Only forgetting about it when Hann had gone and gotten himself shitfaced after a show and nearly sliced himself in half climbing up the bus’s steps. It had taken us a bit to finally find the humour in it though, still it was not something I’d like to experience again.

“Oh, shove off, you’re dying to catch another glimpse of this arse!” Matty replied and I had to roll my eyes whilst I took a second to catch my breath on the landing. Though it wasn’t too long before I was wandering down towards where I’d heard him shout.

“If I wanted so see something flat and pasty then I’d-”

The words I’d been about to speak were ripped from my lips the second I bypassed one of the many doors Matty’s house had to offer, completely taken aback.

I could hardly blink, let alone fathom it, as I tried to take the entire room in whilst Matty jumped up from where he’d been putting something together down on the floor so that he could flaunt his way over to me.

“Like it?” He questioned me with a sly grin, but I couldn’t find the right response to give him, especially with my jaw hanging by my feet.

It was an absolute contrast to everything the room usually offered. Gone were the beige covered concrete walls that decorated the rest of the house, replaced by a calming white that had been paired with a beautifully muted sage feature wall. The bedsheets had been revived by a lovely floral pattern but softened by a plethora of blankets and pretty pillows.

The expected wooden dresser and side tables had also disappeared and in their place now stood antiques coloured the same as the green wall, with brass handles and etchings. Then by the window there was a large collage of pictures, practically an album plastered there in a spiral which stretched from the window to the far corner. I couldn’t quite get myself to move towards it because I'd been stunned to actual tears.

When I finally looked back to Matty, he wore an anxious sort of smile, one of which was almost a smirk but tinged with a little insecurity.

“Matty, I-” I blew out a breath and glanced around again. “You did this? All this?”

He scratched the back of his neck, gaze skitting about the room with mine. “Yes, no? Dunno, not sure if those tears are a good sign or not, so if they’re bad, it was all Ross, yeah?”

With a soft snort, I gifted him a far too fond smile. “First of all, I’m not crying. And second, why would any of this upset me?”

“Oh yeah, ‘course, how stupid of me. Too cool to show emotion us, eh?” Matty feigned as he dipped his head a couple times and pursed his lips, playing along. “You actually like it then? ‘Cause I sort of came up with it on the spot the other day- picked it all out myself as well. Had Ross and Hann put the dresser and shit together though, then paid some guy to paint for me, 'cause fuck that.”

He shrugged it all off, acting as though the gesture was nothing. But I could tell he was proud, that of his work or my reaction I didn’t know, but it was probably both though knowing him. I had to grin. 

“Thank you.” I whispered with conviction before finally enveloping him in an overdue hug.

“Ah, take it you liked the surprise then?” I heard Ross say as he waltzed in behind us, dropping my stuff just outside the door.

I pulled away from Matty to watch him walk further inside.

“Even set up the steps! Knew you could do it, mate.” He continued, clapping his curly haired mate on the shoulder as he gestured over towards the right side of the bed.

My forehead pinched as I rounded the two to get a better look at what he meant. “What steps?”

Matty was back to looking a little sheepish again and he trailed on over to where a small set of wooden steps resided. He toed at the structure lightly, “Figured you still had a hard time with he hospital beds and this one, well it’s a lot higher. Reckon these will make it a lot easier, innit?”

Wow.

I couldn’t even get past my fish-mouthing before Ross was intervening again. “Go on then, have you tested them out yet?”

Matty’s eyes widened slightly before he laughed and shook his head. “No, man. Finished just up as she walked in.”

So that’s what he’d been doing.

“Well then, best make sure they’re stable enough for her majesty.” Ross cajoled, wearing the slightest hint of a smirk whilst he prodded at Matty’s shoulder. “Can’t be having any more injuries, can we?”

I rolled my eyes, but not even Ross being his usual twattish self could dim my mood.

Matty’s wary gaze darted over to me and I had to hold back a laugh, “Come on, do as the man says.”

I was met with a petulant scowl before Matty finally relented and shimmied his way over towards the steps in a huff. “Why am I always the one getting fucked?” He mumbled under his breath and I had to hide my smile in the cuff of Ross’s shirt when he moved to throw an arm over my shoulders.

“Ah, come on, Healy. Be a good sport, won't you.”

“Yeah, I mean I’d do it but imagine what Dr Mann would say if I’m already in A&E before the days out?”

Matty glared at the pair of us but didn’t comment, instead he put a courageous but cautious foot on the first step. Ross and I stood there with baited breath, waiting in anticipation whilst Matty drew in a shaky lungful of air before finally allowing the step to take the brunt of his weight.

His eyes had been glued shut but when nothing happened he slowly pried one open, the other soon followed when a prideful grin threatened to overwhelm his face. Ross and I cheered loudly in congratulations (and sheer shock), before Matty, in turn, did a silly little bow for us shortly followed by an odd dance.

“Alright, Louie Spence. Calm down before you really do hurt yourself.” I chuckled and took his outstretched hand in mine when he motioned for a bit of help back down.

“And you said I’d fuck it all up.” Matty beamed like the cat who got the cream back at Ross. “Pay up, dickhead.”

I glanced between the pair in rising amusement and observed the way Ross scoffed before he ultimately dug his hand into his back pocket.

“How much did you bet?” I couldn’t help but ask them.

“50 quid said I’d get the ump and give up. 100 if I paid someone else to do it for me. 200 if it broke.” Matty relayed, happily counting the extra notes he’d been handed. 

I laughed at Ross’s prominent scowl before the giant tackled his bandmate onto my freshly made bed.

“No, not the clean sheets!" I gasped, shooing the two. "Get your dirty shoes off my pillows, MacDonald! Oh for fucks sake.”

I should’ve known better than to try and stop them, because even with a broken body they still somehow managed to rope me into their antics.

“Guys!!”

—

Recovery felt much different outside of the ward I'd decided.

There was no proper routine here at Matty’s. And although I was forever grateful to him, for everything he’d done in the build up to my release and for letting me shack up with him for a few weeks, it was also very hard.

I was still in pain. More so, sometimes. There was no Lee here to rely on, and I couldn’t find it in me to burden Matty any further than I already had. Everything felt like a task to me. From sitting up to showering. Or even going to the loo and drinking a glass of water.

I mean don’t get me wrong, the first couple days had been heaven sent. The peace and the quiet. But then the peace had quickly grown tense and the quiet too loud. And I was left stuck here in my own head for hours at a time.

Being out of hospital meant life getting back to normal. It meant days passing without much fuss, friends stopping in but never for too long, meetings and calls and messages- all of which only ever concerned Matty, seeing as Delia had threatened to sack me if I even thought about doing any work whilst I was supposed to be resting. Which meant no emails, or designing.

But the band meetings Ross had previously mentioned a couple days prior appeared to drag on for hours, and Matty would be holed up in his office or the studio for most of the day. Not that I had much room to complain, he had a lively hood and actual shit to do. I couldn't keep interfering with that.

It was just hard. Hard being alone. Hard feeling so isolated. 

Hann was busy with Carly and work, and when he had the time to spare it was mostly spent with us just talking about the new album or how I’d been getting on. Which was nice enough, but I hated lying to him, to everyone really. 

Ross had been back and forth, he’d annoy me for a couple hours whilst Matty was busy and then he’d disappear for a couple days and I’d hear nothing. Maybe a vague text here or a tag on Twitter there, but that was it. 

And me, I was slowly abandoning what little sense of reality I still held onto. 

Things with George hadn’t gotten any easier.

In fact, I started to ignore everything and anything to do with him.

The guys they never mentioned him, not even in passing. But I knew when he’d been around. I could always tell. Ross wouldn’t look me in the eye. Matty told too many jokes. And Hann would give me this pitying expression that made me want to hit him.

I avoided all mentions of him and the band on social media as best I could and had started listening to podcasts through headphones whenever Matty’s music echoed through the house.

It was difficult. Everything felt difficult at the moment. Life did.

And so, almost subconsciously, I’d taken to hiding myself away for longer periods of time. The room Matty had made for me was a safe haven, it made me feel more at home than I would’ve in my own bed. But it was also isolating, being at Matty’s cut me off from the outside world. He had no real neighbours, no local parks or trails to wander, and the only scheduled visitor he had was the cleaner who came in every Wednesday.

My body and I were also on the outs. A little like George and I, I supposed.

It was an evident struggle having to relearn parts of myself. To acknowledge these new scars I had and the thing that came with them. It was still a shock to me each morning to wake up and be reminded of the damage to my ear. To my head. The throbbing migraines that followed, as well as the ringing and the utter silence too.

Most days, I just wanted to scream. Others I wanted to disappear altogether.

—

“Looks to be healing rather nicely. Though I’d be a bit wary about the wound on the back of your head, it seems to be taking a little longer than the rest.” The doctor told me and I simply nodded in return, wanting this whole charade to be over and actively avoiding the tiny mirror adhered to the wall opposite from where I was sat on the bed.

It was just another checkup, I told myself in hopes to calm the nerves. I’d had two in the time I’d been out, and this was just the third.

“What- it isn’t infected is it?”

That was Matty, he’d joined me as per usual.

In my peripheral, I saw the doctor shake her head in response to his question. “No, but I would suggest keeping an eye out for any abnormalities that might arise. Oozing liquids, light throbbing, heat and what not.”

Matty hummed and then proceeded to ask another rapid fire of questions whilst I just stood up and dipped back behind the curtain to change out of the gown they’d given me.

“How long until the cast can come off?” I overheard him say.

“Three weeks, hopefully. Though we’d probably recommend a splint after that. At least until she’s in physio.”

I kept on breathing. In and out. Out then in. Ignoring the muted whispers that followed.

I tugged on the large hoodie Ross had leant me, one that actually covered my cast, then stepped back out. “Are we all done?” I questioned and the woman turned to me with a polite smile, clipboard in hand.

“All good to go. Your prescription should be ready at the front desk, you only need to head to the pharmacy.”

I nodded and quietly thanked her, slipping out of the office and then the unit altogether as quick as my feet would let me. Unaware of the troubled gaze which followed behind me.

—ROSS’S POV—

With a quiet huff and a flick of his wrist, Ross waved off George’s silent question as he tried to pay attention to what Matty had been saying on the other side of the phone. 

The two of them had been holed up in the studio since the early hours of the morning- mostly because he’d been shafted with ‘G Duty’ (a glorified name for babysitting the walking self-destruct button they all called a mate basically)- because the knob hadn’t been sleeping as of late and so he'd decided to come in and work through some things. Not that it’d helped much. They'd gotten fuck all done.

“Say that again, mate. Didn’t quiet catch it.” He murmured into the phone, listening intently even whilst George decided to take a seat near him instead of heading back behind the deck.

“Just- I don’t know what to do, man! She’s been- I don’t know! It’s like she’s turned into a zombie or summat! Lifeless. Dead, almost.” Matty hissed through the speaker, and Ross could practically visualise his turmoil, the way he’d be scrubbing at his face or anxiously tapping his foot.

He sighed heavily to himself. It seemed they’d known one another for far too long.

“She won’t eat, and if she does then it’s only ever in her room. She comes down in the middle of the night and I hear her puttering about down here, she’ll make a tea or something then she’s gone before I can even see her, and I won’t hear a peep til the next evening- that's if I’m lucky.” Matty went on to say, describing to him what the last week or so had been like for the pair of them.

“I’ve tried everything, mate. She doesn’t want to come on a walk, or go to the shops. Even step into the garden, for fucks sake!” He was whispering harshly now and Ross could easily pick up on the stress which lined his tone. “Gimme a sec.” Matty told him after a tense pause had passed and so Ross listened to him faintly pad about his house before a door soon opened.

“You alright?” Ross asked him with a furrowed brow, only glancing up when George shifted slightly beside him. He ignored it for the time being.

“Yeah, yeah.” Matty assured him, albeit a little breathlessly. “Just had to step outside for a fag. Didn’t want her to hear me either.”

“She there?”

Ross could almost hear him shake his head. George shifted again too and so he shot him a dark look in hopes he'd fuck off.

“Nah, in her room." Matty replied, "But I don’t know. Rather not chance it, you know?”

Ross hummed in reply, then inhaled slowly. “How did the check up go yesterday?”

“Fine, I ‘spose. Doctor said her cast could come off soon, so that was a plus. But they're still a little iffy about everything else though, her ear especially…”

“Still can’t hear a thing?” Ross asked, picking at a long thread in the studio’s sofa.

“Nope. Ringing sometimes, she's said. But otherwise nothing. Sometimes I’ll be talking to her about random shit and I’ll see her turn her whole body just so her good ear’s facing me. I dunno if she even notices it.”

“I know, I’ve seen it too.” Ross mentioned gruffly, his chest growing uncomfortable at the thought of it. At the thought of having to see her go through even more heartache. “Did she say anything?”

“Barely spoke a word to me on the way home, mate. Picked up her favourite too.”

“Five Guys.” They both said simultaneously, and Ross’s mouth quirked upwards when he heard Matty’s airy chuckle titter out.

“Yeah, got her usual. But she mentioned having a shower when we first got in and so I left it for her to heat up and went to sort out some crap, but I came down later it was still on the side. And that was hours after we’d got back, man.”

Ross chewed on a loose thumbnail, lost in his own head.

“I just, I don’t know, what if she’s like depressed or something? I mean, I get it. More than fucking most. But her? Seeing her like that... Ross man, it’s killing me.”

“I know, mate. I know. You just gotta hold out, yeah? She’ll bounce back. She always does.” He attempted to reassure, but he was fucking fretting over it all too. How much could a single person suffer through before they just caved in?

“Ross.” Matty paused after he'd said it though and so Ross waited. He listened to his mate work through his tangent of worries, heard his shaky breaths, and just waited.

“What if she doesn’t?” And the tone Matty used was one he’d only ever heard once before, the morning that he’d decided he needed to get clean. 

Ross hadn’t even realised that his jaw was wrenched shut by the grit of his teeth before he went to reply. “Then we be there for her. Like she was for us. Like she’s always been.”

“Right.”

Ross didn’t say anything for a long while and it almost sounded as though the line had gone dead before a loud trembling exhale ripped him from the tension.

“Look, mate. I’ll head on over tonight, alright? Surprise her.” He decided, “Bring dinner or dessert. Fucking whatever. You can go out for a bit. Clear your head. I’ll try and see if I can get her to talk.”

Whilst he listened to Matty ramble away in return, asking if it was a good idea, if he was sure, Ross caught George’s eye from across the sofa before the drummer quickly startled away. Ross watched him closely after that, but still found himself mulling things over. Wondering how he could possibly fix this apocalyptic mess that'd been created. If anyone even could.

But then he decided in that next moment, he at least had to try. 

If not for his own sanity, then for her's.

Part eighteen>

[jasntodds]

DC Masterlist

Masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist

Library blog: @jasntoddslibrary​

Please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost my work. Reblogs and comments are always welcome. You can spam my notifications with them, honestly.

I will block anyone under 18 reading my 18+ fics.

SERIES:

Caving In (Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader) - Completed May 26, 2023

Summary: “Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?”

You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans Tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

Petrichor - Caving In Book 2(Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader) - Completed April 23, 2024

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

Penance - Caving In Book 3 (Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader) - COMING SOON

Summary: ❝Thesus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. Thesus: Stain them. I don’t care.❞ It’s been a month and a half since Crane’s reign of terror was stopped, leaving Gotham to finally return to normal. But, what is normal? After everything Jason and you have been through, it seems normal might be some unobtainable dream state. But that’s not going to stop either of you from trying and maybe, you’ll get lucky in the end. At the end of it, the two of you have suffered enough, right? Right?

TITANS: 

Garfield Logan

COMING SOON

Jason Todd

Deathstroke, prt. 2 

↳ Jason was sure he could take on Dr. Light but he didn’t account for him and Deathstroke to be working together. And he definitely didn’t account for both of you to be capture by them

Migraines 

↳ You have a migraine and try to hide it from Jason until you manage to faint in front of him, sending him into a worrying spin over you

Lost In The Bitterness 

↳  Patching up Jason Todd, Red Hood, at two in the morning on a Tuesday night was not exactly on your agenda. Especially given the history between the two of you.

Jason coming home from patrol (18+)

↳  Jason comes home from patrol with only one thing on his mind: you

Alive (18+)

↳  Red Hood shows up at your apartment only to reveal he’s your not-so-dead boyfriend

Blurbs: 

COMICS:

Jason Todd

Too Heavy

↳  Sometimes things get a little too heavy for Jason

Broken Heart Of Gold

↳  After Jason messes up on a mission, he goes to you

Burial Plot

↳  Jason thinks back on memories of your relationship

Scars

↳  Jason lets you trace over his y scar

Blurbs: 

Spare Key

↳ You give your best friend, Jason,  a spare key to your apartment 

Fear Of Commitment

↳  Being friends with benefits with Jason is supposed to be fun but then you just had to go develop feelings for him

[poketrnt]

because I am god damn sick and tired of ool being an absolute shitstain on my life, I'm gonna finally fucking just say what happened.

step.

by.

step.

the backstory

from around 02.10.2023 to 31.12.2023 I was a part of the group chat known as Epic Gamers, which had two of my friends and a guy I later befriended, those being Furret, Ool and Nexo.

on Christmas Eve a person joined, called Leon. However, a week later, I proceeded to leave the group related to a conflict between me and Leon. I still kept in contact with the three people I was friends with, despite Ool commenting in Epic Gamers about how I should shut up, attaching a screenshot of me trying to give him a normal ass compliment because he was playing a game I find cool

in that time I also had a semi-private server (let's call it Server A for this story, but since Ool trying to avoid a block will read this anyways (and because he said I was making shit up), I'm talking about the server with the Sledgehammer character), where Furret and another friend whom I'll call R were because I was going to test a simple Magic the Noah inspired not-really-chess game made in google slides

also this is the icon I was talking about

2. the god damn incident

on 05.02.2024 Nexo convinced me to try to end the beef between me and Leon. So, I tried to peacefully explain my points of view to Leon, but then I realised I was talking to a brick wall and proceeded to simply state I do not want to talk to him, which just caused him to start saying things that a person reaaally shouldn't say, as seen in the following screenshot, taken directly on that day

soon after I proceeded to go to sleep, but not before glancing at my phone to see a notification of Nexo saying something about an "EG raid" in Server A, when he in fact should not have been there. So, that night I just couldn't fall asleep because of how betrayed by Furret I felt.

as proof of Ool taking part in the raid, here's a screenshot taken by R who was still awake at the time

when I proceeded to wake up in the morning, I saw this message from Furret

losing someone whom I considered a friend up to this point was a heavy blow, but I lost three friends at once AND got trust issues

3. the harassment

so, like 2 weeks after that happened, I decided to go and finally speak up on Twitter, only to find that someone has decided to reply to every single tweet I've made with harassing messages

naturally, I've immediately blocked the person who made those replies, but they soon after made another account, and then another after it got blocked, and another.

later on I've found ool leaving messages on my personal Board Game Blitz wiki how I had used Furret's character (at the time of the character being added to the roster, I was still friends with Furret and had recieved his permission to do it. So, I simply just deleted the message and started planning a completely original character due to not wanting to be associated with Furret. But Ool decided to still harass me with more comments on the wiki, and later he proceeded to also raid some pages.

naturally by that point I was getting sick of all of them, but when I saw Ool and Leon trying to get in contact with me on Steam, for reasons I knew exactly, I decided to react calmly and do what I did before by blocking them both. However, a friend, whom I'll address as A, decided to get to the bottom of why Leon and Ool decided to be such scummy people

it was absolutely ridiculous, with Leon talking about how me saying that both Ool and him get hit by a truck and how I told him that I know 1s and 0s that are more human than him were death wishes. Which like, while the first one could theoretically be an argument, calling the second one a death wish was plain stupid.

also Leon was just trying to turn A against me which failed horribly and just cemented out entire group in the idea that the members of Epic Gamers are horrible people

later on Ool decided to try again on Roblox, because why the hell not, despite the fact he should have gotten the message I don't want to talk to him by then.

and now we're here. The point where Ool decided to invade my only safe place in all of this just to harass me some more and also try to make me look like a bad person

and to Ool, because I know he isn't gonna read through this all and will just skip to the end:

I know your life is pathetic enough that you don't have anything better to do other than harass the girl who you've been friend with at one point, but at least go and play some Minecraft instead of focusing your entire life on hate

[disneyprincemuke]

✨3k celebration post✨

right before the new year, i hit 3k followers on this blog!!! while i've had this account for years (literally since i was 14 i think, i'm 23 now) i definitely cheated a bit to get here and be celebrating it with this new fandom i'm in <3 but this is the most interaction i've gotten, after years here, and i cannot be any more on my knees for the new friends i've made i returned to this account with a max verstappen fic that i'm still very proud of and fell in love with writing again after taking a long long four year break from it and i've met so many of you that i'm sOOO glad to now be associated to <3 let's forget the fact that i tried celebrating 2k (failed horribly) and focus on this one ok <3 please stick around, i do have a celebration post that i'm currently drafting out as you read this

the biggest shoutout to @angsthology for stumbling into my life this year (i still remember being in the club drinking with my friends when she tagged me in rvstw and being so curious as to who tagged me at like 11pm on tumblr) and now we're mutuals on tiktok and just make each other sad with the most random f1 tiktoks, like i ALWAYS look forward to seeing her notification after i post because she's truly just so so funny,, tine, you have no idea how much you made me enjoy being on tumblr this year

and i guess also @localwhoore for terrorising my dash with sad edits that make me fear for my life, i appreciate you being so funny and sometimes giggling at my fics <3

AND ALL MY ANONS FOR ENTERTAINING MY LOGAN ERa and always supporting my fics (i dont think ive ever had this many people talk to me about my fics) and giving me the best ideas to post while i'm in the worst writers block of my life right now <3 i always look at my inbox first thing in the morning to see if you guys were being deranged in my sleep and you guys always put a smile to my face and make my day feel so lovely (also, thank you so much for being just as invested in femdriver and logan as i am because those two are our kids fr)

never forgetting to thank @renarots for picking up the courage to dm me first and striking up at friendship because i'd been too timid to start one with her after lurking on her tumblr account since i started my f1blr journey and now we cry about our fucked sleeping schedules ugh

i'm SURE there are more people i'm forgetting to name drop right now, and if i did forget you, please don't think i'm not appreciative of your presence on my blog!!! i've seen a lot of recurring names in my notifications with comments and consistently liking my posts, and i want you all to know that i see you and i love you and that i also want to kiss you :* please stick around and giggle with me because the holidays are over and that means my sleeping schedule will be fixed very soon

[marcos-scorpion]

One Day - Felipe Drugovich x Reader

erm,, surprise ! my housemate gave me a lil writing challenge to try and get over my writers block, and this is the result ! it was meant to be a lil 500 words or less hurt comfort drabble but ended up just over 800 words (sorry aves i tried lmao). i actually quite like this, despite writing it super quickly while pulling an all nighter because we have people coming to view our house. hope you enjoy,, request are open !!

also,, this is not hate to Aston Martin or Lance Stroll at all, i just thought this would be cute ! lemme know if you enjoyed

editing a few hours later to add- i am not angry with lance stroll. i actually really like lance stroll, and i’m glad he is well enough to race. this quite literally an x reader fanfic. it is not real. felipe will get his chance. i was just trying to break my writers block, and i had been explaining to my housemate the whole reserve driver thing so this is what i came up with. can people pls stop sending me angry anon messages now ? thanks

xoxo,

mothie

warnings- sad felipe, mentions of a broken wrist (lance stroll)

wc- 832

——

He had been so sure this was it. That this was his chance to show the world what he was capable of, that he was deserving of a full-time F1 seat, and that he deserved it soon. 

Aston Martin had told him very little in the days after pre-season testing in Bahrain. There had been a few compliments, plenty of small complaints. He had taken it all on board graciously. He knew that Lance had done some nasty damage in his cycling accident, leading to metal screws being used to hold the bones in his wrist together. He was hopeful, the fans were hopeful, hell even the reporters were hopeful that Felipe was going to make his official F1 race debut this weekend. 

He had spent days pacing around his hotel room as his girlfriend watched anxiously from the bed, desperately checking his phone at every small notification, even reaching for his phone when his girlfriend’s chimed and not his. The rumours surrounding Sebastian Vettel replacing Stroll for the weekend had been his first hurdle, but watching the fans rally for him was comforting, and he got a slight relief when they announced that, should they need a reserve driver, the seat would go to the F2 Champion. 

On the Thursday, the day before the first Grand Prix weekend of the 2023 season would fully begin, Felipe was still hopeful. His grin had been bright as he left his hotel room, a cheery goodbye to his barely-awake girlfriend as he left for a team meeting. The girl sprawled across the bed was less sure than her boyfriend, an uncomfortable pit was settled in her stomach as she began her day. 

Her fears were confirmed less than an hour after Felipe had left for his meeting as a notification lit up her phone. Aston Martin had posted on Instagram. Opening the post, it confirmed that Lance, despite his broken wrist, would be racing this weekend. Heart sinking at the thought of the loss of Felipe’s smile, she prayed that he had at least been told by the team, and hadn't had the misfortune of learning through a meagre Instagram post. 

Waiting for him to return to the hotel room did nothing to calm the girl down. Her sadness over what this could have meant for Felipe had been replaced by anger. How dare Aston Martin not let Felipe know sooner, gave him a chance to take in the information before they posted about it. Despite not being a professional in anything vaguely related to Formula One, even she thought it was stupid letting a man with a freshly broken wrist drive a brand-new F1 car he hadn’t had a chance to test, while they had Felipe raring to go, having driven the car in testing. Of course, she knew it was rightfully Lance’s place to drive, but surely it was best to make sure he healed fully and properly, to ensure he could race for as much as the season as possible, even if he would be upset to miss the season opener. 

The anger was still bubbling in her chest as she continued her morning routine, waiting for the familiar click of the hotel door that would tell her Felipe was back. She didn’t know where to direct her anger. There was no real place for it. It obviously isn’t Felipe’s fault, or Lance’s, but it isn’t also Aston Martin’s fault for wanting their full time driver lineup ready to go for the first race. Scrubbing harder at her face, she knew she needed to calm down. Felipe was going to return disappointed, and she would need to be there for him. 

Settling back onto the bed once she was a little more calm, her heartbeat skipped a little at the buzz of a keycard being swiped in the hotel room’s lock. His head was down as he walked in, floppy hair messy and hanging over his eyes. 

“Querido,” she began, her features softening as he met her eyes, “Come here my love.” 

Offering him a sad smile, she opened her arms as he dropped onto the bed. Pressing his face into the crook of her neck, he took a deep breath. Gently, she slipped a hand against his jaw, encouraging him to look at her. 

“One day, baby, you’ll be there. You’ve come so far, and you are going to go so much further. I can’t pretend to understand their logic, but one day, you’ll get your chance. And then they will all realise you are as amazing as I have always known. Just don’t forget me when you’re up on that podium.” 

He let out a gentle chuckle, pressing his forehead against hers. A quiet ‘thank you, baby’ slipped from between his lips before they met hers. She knew he would be ok, and she knew that one day, her Felipe would finally be seen, finally get the chance he deserved. And she would be right by his side. Always. 

[formicarum-rex]

ive been on cohost on-and-off since november, and i think im going to stick with it (famous last words, i know, but i am genuinely enjoying my time there, meeting some nice people and enjoying the posts that come across my dash)

home page

my blog

general observations, differences between here and tumblr (both good and bad), and caveats under the cut

the ability to use html and css in posts is fantastic, and while i do sometimes miss being able to change the formatting with a simple highlight like on tumblr, the added abilities to customize more than makes up for that. i've only used it a bit myself, but plan to use it more going forward, and you can get some fantastic shitposts on your dash because of this. note that only posts are hyper-customizable. blogs themselves aren't as customizable as on tumblr (think the default/mobile theme here)

i think their pro-privacy, anti-algorithm, anti-numbers philosophy is admirable. it's not perfect-- funding is a continual trouble, although they have plans for making it sustainable.

as with all smaller websites, it is a bit of an echo-chamber and has its share of drama and controversy.

the fewer number of people also lead to there being fewer good posts than on here, especially if you have niche interests, but my dash is still quite active, and i have to check it at least once a day to keep up-to-date.

if you edit your original post, all reblogged versions of the post are updated as well.

it has a comprehensive cw system built into posts, more reminiscent of mastodon than tumblr. there is discourse about its use or over-use, but on the whole i think this is a big improvement.

i (thankfully) haven't run into anybody or any post that required blocking or silencing or muting yet, but the options are there and thorough.

related, there is a no-nonsense attitude towards bigotry. i havent run into any bad eggs myself, but from what i've been given to understand they are sniped more or less as soon as they're discovered. there may be moderation issues as the website expands (this is one issue where places split up into smaller groups like mastodon have benefits) but as of right now, it seems to be working just fine, and better than tumblr.

there's no general within-post search for the sake of privacy and to limit harassment opportunities, but unlike tumblr, the tag search is functional. in addition, all posts with tags you've bookmarked show up in a separate, single tab on your dash, in proper chronological, non-algo'd order, which is a good way to discover new people to follow and posts to reblog. this is similar to "your tags" on tumblr, but unlike tumblr, i trust it to work

i haven't used this yet, but sideblogs are able to comment, ask, like, follow, etc, separately. no more "follows from [main url]"

in general, i like the vibes better than pillowfort, the other tumblr replacement site, and its a much more satisfying tumblr replacement than mastodon, because, well, its not like twitter (although i do like mastodon for other reasons).

there are some odd things that differentiate it from tumblr that you have to get used to at best, and can be extremely frustrating at worst:

notes cant be viewed per-post. they're all under your notification tab, chronologically listed. this hasnt been a problem for me, but i understand that this can get messy if you have a lot of followers/notes

if you are not OP, you cannot view others' reblogs. i've found that this is mostly fine, but it does mean you cant dive into the notes to see if anyone has added anything you'd like to reblog instead of the version on your dash. changing this is one of the most requested features. it doesn't seem to conflict with the site's anti-numbers ideals as long as it only lists contentful reblogs (those with additions), so i'm hopeful it will be added.

OP is not notified of tags on reblogs. all comments that are towards OP and not towards your followers belong in the comments. unlike other things in this list, this isn't a downside so much as a neutral difference that has taken me a long time to get used to.

the comments are generally important. reblog chains are still used, but comments (replies) are more functional than they are on tumblr, with proper ability to reply in comment threads and a better UI. they are used more often on cohost than on here, especially if you want to start a convo with OP and others viewing the post. as far as i can tell, everyone can see every comment, unlike the reblogs.

photoset layouts are not as flexible as on tumblr

no DMs

discovery hasn't been a big issue for me as someone who is primarily a reader/viewer (if anything, the functional tagging system and unified bookmarked tags tab makes it easier), but ive heard that for creators it can be frustrating

i am under the impression that pillowfort is the place to go for specifically fandom posting. more fandom people have been joining cohost though, especially since a bunch of tumblr people joined a couple weeks ago.

i realize this isn't exactly a hard sell, but want people to be aware of potential downsides before creating an account. despite these things, i really do urge you to check it out if youre interested! it's a good place :)

[stories-of-the-multiverse]

((So. Remember this post when I gave a certain someone the benefit of the doubt?

Yeah, well, they tried to worm their way back via my fucking boyfriend now, so fuck any and all goodwill, I am sick of this shit.

So, screenshots and names now, fuck 'em!

Meet love-is-in-the-multiverse! The person that will not leave no matter how kindly you tell them to stop!

Sadly, I only have screenshots of the last time we talked and my boyfriend's screenshots. So I'll just have to summarize my experiences up till the final confrontation without screenies.

So, Love, formerly known as mollypico, was a FNF/Newgrounds RPer I met when they approached me for a starter. Since then they, they got very smothering, spamming my inbox with OOC convos that honestly overwhelmed me. I tried to give her other options, I really did. But in the end, she didn't take them. I changed the rules a bit to reflect this newfound boundary, and at first she seemed willing to respect it. But then turned around and continued because "She had no other options". So for the sake of my sanity, I blocked her.

Her response was to send a few friends after me asking why. And I tried to explain it to them as kindly as possible.

After that, they tried approaching me with new accounts passing themself off as someone else. The accounts were deleted by the time I looked in my notifs on my phone and saw them in the morning.

Eventually, she came to a new account and via messages apologized. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and accepted because she was finally keeping this stuff in IMs. And sometimes in those convos, she'd bring up fandoms and characters she played that were... suspiciously exactly the same as those other accounts that deleted.

It did not make her any less pushy and smothering, rushing me for starters, getting impatient with me not responding immediately. It all added up.

One day, I decided that people that killed my enjoyment here would get blocked. That included her. She tried to bypass this by making new accounts to talk to me. Twice. Once to act as if she wasn't one of the people I blocked. And the other to explain herself. I blocked those too.

Some time later, I was followed by two new accounts. One called "hate-in-the-multiverse" or something along those lines, and the other called afriendtoall. Who claimed she was an IRL friend of Love, and was the one that actually talked to me. Although Hate did send an ask, but not much else came of it.

Friend was frankly not all that different from her. It did not help matters when I started approaching a very stressful change that is still ongoing. And I started having suspicions.

Spoiler alert, I was right;

I then blocked her and soon after, I saw she deleted the account when I tried to block across all my blogs. I didn't screenshot it, but after this last message, she wished me well and said she'd leave me alone.

Cut to tonight! Picture this! I was in a call with a friend, having fun reading a graphic novel to them, and then I look to see a message from my boyfriend, and he sends these [censoring his name and icon for his safety]

So, after I tell her to leave me alone for good, she instead tries to worm her way into contact with my boyfriend and followed him again. And I am pissed.

He confronted her as soon as he saw.

"Oh mistew, I was just cuwious, uwu"

Yeah, nevermind you followed him. Knowing fully well that we interact a lot on Tumblr.

So yeah, fuck it, you win, you got my attention with your stupid game. Now here's your stupid prize.

RPers beware. Block her. If you RP FNF/NewGrounds, Danganronpa, My Hero Academia, I think Undertale/Deltarune, possibly any other game/anime/whatever, block. Her. Ass. On sight. Don't even give her a chance. Take it from me, she will drain you, and then make you feel horrible for feeling drained by her/not being in the mood to talk.

She's not worth it. Put yourselves first.

[scoobydoodean]

every so often I see a deancrit post that makes me believe dean girls should be allowed to maim and bite and kill fr....idk how you find the strength to combat the nonsense because I saw a post so insane this morning that I had to get up and take a walk outside to calm down. all that to say: thank you for defending our boy because I wish I could do it but I get so upset I can't even string sentences together let alone write such eloquent rebuttals the way you do 🩷

❤️ Oh believe me I get it. I used to talk to people in the SPN subreddit jbdzfjshbjfhb. Deancrits have made posts that make me see so red I'm like Doom Guy on the last dredges of his health (if they aren't making me laugh my ass off) but they are very rarely in my face these days. My dash is a blessedly dean-positive space full of sexy people making sexy posts. I definitely recommend building yourself a nice curated dash and blocking or filtering whoever you need! You do NOT have to be in the trenches.

A lot of the cataloguing content of the blog is based on pervasive fanon opinions I have simply been here long enough to know about. Deancrits almost always just reinvent the same tired arguments, so that works in my favor. Thankfully, I don't have to expose myself to opinions I don't like in order to build up the collections I am building... though I certainly do fixate on certain collections when crits get nasty in my notifs or the notifs of the people I follow.

One thing I recommend, when you do start to feel mad, is to quickly identify what about a post stands out as making you the most angry. I think you'll often find that at the center of it, almost always, is "This person made an argument that ignores all context and is in such bad faith that it actively infuriates me", or "That literally never happened. They just made that up and everyone is just believing them!" But the thing is... as soon as you realize they said something really really stupid... it can quickly become extremely funny—a big huge joke. Laughter is excellent medicine. As soon as you see the humor in something, it becomes incredibly un-intimidating and your mind is usually cleared of a lot of the clutter your rage inspired, so you can simply focus on dispensing with what was said that was so very silly.

I'll be honest though. I greatly benefit from the fact that I am so annoying on my own page talking to myself and my mutuals and followers that a lot of deancrits I've never spoken to or heard of in my life have blocked me, and they are, overwhelmingly so full of shit that when the remaining dredges decide to stumble their way onto my blog and cry about my posts I just end up laughing my ass off at the mental gymnastics they've contorted themselves into to get the ideas they spew at me.

I mean sorry to be a huge sanctimonious dick about crits, but I'm not the one whose perpetually gone on their blogs and posts and started commenting obnoxious drivel like a pompous ass. I don't exactly have great opinions on a group of people I've mainly been exposed to through condescending tags and replies and comments and hate mail, through ridiculous and outright offensive claims about my irl character based on what fictional characters I like, through harassment campaigns launched against various people, and through their attempts to bully people off the internet.

[killingsboys]

omfg my friend was recently hit with a stranger asking her out! I saw it happen in real time:

IG notification of a DM, she asked if I remember who James was I said no.

She opened his message, it was a very simple "hey how ya been it's been years since HS, i just wanted to say hi and see how ya been" (my friend is also very pretty so this is normal to her tbh, I've told her it doesn't happen to me nearly as much as she seems to think it happens to everyone!)

anyway she replied with "great, thanks! good to hear from ya, hbu?"

in the span of the next 20 minutes while we talked over our appetizer and didn't notice/reply immediately, he sent her several messages about as long as this ask now describing his:

1 - crypto and investments

2 - therapy (which good for him ngl)

3 - apartment hunting in a city 4 states over where he's lived since HS

4 - how he had a crush on her in HS

5 - how he's sad to think they never talked

6 - if they can meet up when he's in town next

7 - how did she see him in HS? Did she have a crush on him too?

8 - he's really interested in investing and finding a good traditional wife and having kids soon

We noticed about an hour later and she wasn't sure how to respond but he apparently replied again this morning with a "good morning, did you forget about me?"

I told her to block him like wtf?????

ohhhhhhhh my god what the hell.... the face i made when i got to #8 on that list. bad. bad all around. i sincerely hope she blocked him because what the HELL......

this guy added me on facebook last week i think? and i usually don't accept friend requests from people i don't know, especially men, but i was like oh i think this is the guy who moved in across the street from me a few months ago, and i think it's good to be able to contact your neighbors if you need to! so i accepted the friend request just assuming that was that. mistake number one.

this guy messaged me at like 11pm on saturday (red flag) and i was like oh maybe he has something neighborly to say like maybe his dog got loose or something idk. mistake number two. he tells me he's seen me across the street from his uncle's house and he thinks i'm cute. i hit him with the standard "haha thanks!" that i think is the universal agreed-upon nice way of saying "i'm not interested." mistake number three!

he messages me yesterday asking how my day was. i'm like "oh it was good how was yours?" because i don't know how not to be polite to people. mistake number four! he messages me at 7am on a MONDAY asking if i want to get dinner. we have not even had a conversation! he doesn't know a single thing about me! i am just some chick that he has seen outside with her dogs or reading on her porch! i don't know anything about him either! i didn't even realize he wasn't my neighbor until this weekend!

and now i'm annoyed because i have been tricked into caring about some random man's feelings 🙄 i'm like oh i don't want to reject him first thing on a monday morning that feels so mean...... meanwhile if HE didn't want to start off his week with a rejection maybe he shouldn't ask out a complete stranger at 7am on a monday? just an idea? honestly he's probably perfect nice but he went about this all the wrong way and also i am just not interested in general..... sigh it's just a mess 💔 anyway i hope your friend blocked that weirdo. opening with CRYPTO of all things...... red flag city!

[2309analysis]

⌗ | RULES ⛲️

1. Please do not spam my works. I don’t want to get over flooded with notifications of you liking me. I appreciate the love, I really do. Although, reblogging is just as appreciated and it’s more beneficial. Please be wary of this. 3 - 5 posts a day.

2. Please do not put NSFW content in my replies unless if stated that you can. * (Which will be mostly never) * I don’t want to be associated with it. It honestly discomforts me if somebody randomly associated me with smut & nudes without knowing. It just irks me thinking about it.

3. No slurs. Please. I find them very stupid and stressful to deal with. Regardless of race or heritage, I won’t allow it here. You will be blocked if provoked by me. You get two warnings.

4. Please don’t insult others in my replies. It’s unnecessary, opinions are opinions. Not facts. It’s my job to answer those, not yours. If you have questions over them, ask, don’t harass. Don’t be a prick. Gives you a very big reputation.

5. My NSFW will be very minimal, and I will probably barely post any. So, 15+ with them. If you’re underage please do not interact. * (Replies, reblogs) * I prefer not to have younger eyes pry on my work. You’re allowed to read my regular stories though. It’s for everyone unless stated otherwise.

6. Consecutive criticism. It will be the only one I allow. If you have any writing or editing advice to give me, I’m free to hear it. Although I won’t accept you guys just calling me out on my mistakes and expecting me to know what’s immediately wrong with it. That is rude and disrespectful towards the artist. At least give some feedback and reason why.

7. If you catch any mistake within my writings, please directly message me. I don’t like having those exposed. I’m a bit insecure about my writing, so I prefer it if you’re private with it. Please and thank you. I’ll respect your mistakes too, and directly message you on them as well.

8. You guys are allowed to send me messages / questions. I have no guarantee I’ll immediately reply. Remember, I am busy too, I have my own life outside my phone and & platforms. If I don’t reply within a week or two, you’re allow to message me again. Or send me a question asking me to reply. I will get to you as soon as I can. I do not have the best motivations to get to my messages.

9. Please be aware of what and how you’re saying things. Some people might feel uncomfortable about what you could say. So please be wary of the topics & comments you’re about to say. Remember, not everyone is like you, and you don’t know them personally.

10. Please put "TW" before sending something with possible triggers. You may not know if they will trigger someone because of personal reasons. No you will not ask for them unless they're comfortable telling you, and if they are please dm that stuff. <- For the triggers.

11. If someone sends something that offends please don't blow up at them and act they know it's not right or that they knew it would offend you, like with misunderstandings it's too dramatic to deal with. Also if they don't feel the need to explain just ignore them for a while, it they make you upset then don't talk to them.

12. * (This kinda goes with rule 11.) * Please do not send any personal attacks to someone. Also don't make it another's problem, if you need someone to support you with something, please go dm.

13. Please don't use anything that others find annoying, upsetting, or triggering to get their attention, under their skin, or just to be a prick. If they would like you to stop saying these certain things then stop it, once should be enough. I will block you.

14. Cussing. You’re completely allowed to cuss in my, just be responsible and respectful with it. Please do not cuss every third word. It makes it awkward and a bit immature.

15. Please do not spam in the comments. It’s not going to be a fun game when you’re blocked. I don’t want others to feel pressured, and same regards to me too. If you have a request, send it through questions. If you have a questions, dm them. You’re allowed a discuss in replies, and reply to others. Just don’t overload with them.

Hello this isn't a rule more like a comforting reminder. Your emotions are valid, if you're angry that's okay, if you don't wanna talk, that's okay, if you're down or upset, that's okay.

Please don't feel guilty for not being at your best while talking to someone here, that is what vents are for. To help you guys through problems you're currently going through.

That is all for now! I hope you guys read these careful and keep them in consideration. You can always come back here to relook at them. It is not embarrassing, it is necessary. Do not feel ashamed for forgetting a few rules. We all do.

I hope y’all have a wonderful rest of your day! I hope these rules are reasonable enough, and if you have any recommendations or suggestions / questions, feel free to give them to me in replies! If you do not want to reply it, dm or give it as a question. I don’t not mind anyway you do it! You are heard and I want to make sure you know it! ^^

[shurisneakers]

Okay before I start I just want to say that I love you and I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve read Harmless. I literally just finished rereading it last week and I miss it already. BUT THEN I FOUND OUT YOU POSTED THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS OF UNSOLVED AND I AM ALREADY ADDICTED!

Also FYI this is gonna be a long ask and I’m sorry 😬

But hear me out, okay. As soon as I read the first two chapters of unsolved I thought of this story. A couple years ago my mom and I had this ghost show craze and the things people claim to have gone through is insane (I’m not really sure whether I believe in ghosts and stuff or not, tbh) But anyway this one show (which I can’t remember the name of) did a segment on this graduate student who was renting an apartment from her professor at a discount rate sometime during the late 90s/early 2000s. She moves in and starts being followed and watched by a shadow person/poltergeist who does poltergeist shit like open cabinets, steal keys, bang on things, etc. Most notably though, it steals a whole block of cheese which she was using to make mac and cheese. She tears the kitchen apart to find it, knowing that she just had it on the counter beside her, but cannot find it. Weeks later she opens her utensil drawer and there’s the block of cheese, molded. (I don’t know if you’re looking for actual cases or making them up or a bit of both)

So anyway, I had some thoughts on how Bucky and his partner would potentially respond to this story (all of which is potentially very lame and cringy so I’m sorry in advance for that, too.)

Okay, so my thoughts are that Bucky asks what kind of cheese it was and the reader thinks ‘why the fuck does this matter?’ But she replies something like “idk, she’s a poor college student so probably velveeta or some shit.” He says “that shit doesn’t mold! It’s got enough preservatives in it to kill and mummify a horse!” and she’s like “well maybe it was some other cheese, then” already exasperated at the frivolous line of questioning. But he continues to be a little shit and says something like “maybe she didn’t look for it in the utensils drawer” and she responds, incredulously, with “she would have had to get a fucking fork at some point” and he says “maybe she got ’em from take out” and she’s like “she’s a poor grad student?!” And he’s like “it’s called living beyond your means. Maybe she didn’t care about her credit score.” And the reader is sure that she’s gonna have an aneurysm. Also I know he would steal cheese or some other food item from Sam or Clint or the reader later just to fuck with ‘em.

Thanks for putting up with my rambling 😊

HIIIII VIOLET ❤️❤️ I just wanted to say that I see your reblogs all the time in my notifications and i appreciate it so so much. Thank you reading my fics, it really means the world to me!!

I do make up the cases in Unsolved! i didn't want to accidentally disrespect anybody or beliefs, and that becomes a tricky area to navigate when you're using IRL cases so i thought that fiction was the best way to go about it

Why did I think you were going to tell me that the professor was living in the dorm and just screwing with her. Like those other cases where food disappears from kitchens and the homeowners realise that there's someone else living in the home with them

you're absolutely right, he would call out the stupidest fucking details and the kind of cheese is most definitely at the top. i LOVE this exchange you've written-- it really does feel like them especially the whole "she's a fucking grad student??????" part lmfafhfhf

I'd love to turn this or something similar into a mini drabble one of these days, if you'd be okay with that!

thank you so so much for this ask. i loved it and read it like 15 times today. and thank you for the time and effort you spend in reblogging my nonsense, i appreciate you so much ❤️❤️❤️

[starfinss]

not take ALL THE TIME to reply,,, (well not more than a week cause i might be worried) but i totally see that for Zuko and I applaud for your vision. I'm personally a spiteful cold edge snarky person with a smidge of hot headedness so i would relate more for the reader. I think the combo would be perfect 100%

as for sleeping bag you are right.... my only thought now it's either maybe the reader has a bigger bag because "it's a water tribe thing" or something like that OR share the same tent instead

im also thinking a maybe one sentimental night kind of ordeal (if theyw ere to share the same tent) like a either one of them wakes up for a breath of fresh air then the other wakes up to check up on them (cliche i know). if it were zuko being the person to wake up then maybe before the reader goes out to find Zuko they have conflicting thoughts about checking on him cause their still somewhat "hating" him,,, thoughts like

"Maybe he went to go take a wazz.... nah probably still hungry and is trying to steal my LEFTOVER SOUP.... wait no i would've heard the clanking sounds.... he doesn't sound close at all.... wait what if he's in trouble?? what if he's HURT,,,, hold on he's a firebender he should be fin- wait why am i thinking so hard about this. AHHHHHHHHH fuck it i'm gonna go check on him, i can't sleep knowing where the fuck he is and aang is gonna air bend me to space if anything happens to his only fire bending master"

OOOOOO also at some point (even though this already happened with toph kind of but whatever) maybe in the period where they start to question their feelings and stuff Zuko accidentally burns her hand? i'm thinking like maybe he was thrown off by something she said while putting more heat into the fire pit while she's stirring the pot or something and accidentally makes the fire bigger? thus burning her hand? something like that THEN OUT OF PANIC he runs over to her and grabs her hands and they get this AWKWARD "OH MY GOD THEIR CLOSE TO ME" moment and yeah

I apologize... to the followers who see these walls of texts,,,, im just a very shy person ,,,,,hyguhhh ALSO I HAVE NO WORKT EH NEXT 3 DAYS SO I WILL BE MORE ACTIVE and hopefully have more ideas then <3

HI HELLO! I check tumblr pretty much daily, and asks show up in my phone’s notifications, so I’ll reply as soon as I see them. The only times I’m really away for long periods of time is when I’m either really busy or have really bad writer’s block, which I actually did have before this request, haha. But even then, I usually glance at tumblr. Either way, you won’t have to worry about me vanishing.

The tent thing is great, I love that. They should totally be forced to share a tent. I do like the accidentally burning thing as well, since reader is a waterbender and can also heal herself. It could be a good opening to break down the walls between them. He’s fussing over her burn and they start to open up to each other a little bit. Could be good. 👀

Hahahaha my followers (of which there are way more than I ever expected to have now, we’re nearing 1K) know what they signed up for when they followed me, I’m known to post random bullshit related to whatever I’m fixated on, but I don’t think they’ve ever seen me liveblog the plotting of a story with an anon. They’re all sweethearts, though, and I treasure each and every one of them. They’re why I do what I do, I love writing and creating things people really enjoy.

I also have nearly 2k words written of the first chapter, and it’s going swimmingly. Not done yet, it’ll probably end up being maybe around 5-6k words? And that’s just the first chapter. Jesus, this thing is gonna be long, but it’s okay, I’m having fun.

Oooh! Exciting! Having time off work is always nice. I kind of had time off this last week because I had Covid, but that just made me get cabin fever really fast. Anyway, I look forward to the ideas coming through. I’ll definitely be around in the coming days, so don’t worry about that. I’m a college student, so I do have class from Tuesday to Thursday, but I’ll have plenty of time to write and chat about the story. I always have my phone on me, so don’t worry. I’ve grown to anticipate receiving asks from you anyway. :)

[themirokai]

Hello! I’m Miro.

✨Blog navigation✨

All of my writing and posts about my writing process are tagged #mirokai writes (except when I forget) and most of my actual stories are on my AO3.

- Original Sandman posts: #miro does sandman and my Matthew the Emotional Support Raven series.

- Original Arcane posts: #miro does arcane . And my Jayvik environmental lawyers AU stories and “bonus content”: #HexLaw stories

- Original Person of Interest posts including episode reactions: #miro does poi

People have started sending me asks and DMs asking for AO3 advice. I certainly don’t purport to be an expert but I know some things and I do like giving advice, so if you’re thinking about doing this, please do! These posts (and other helpful things) are tagged #how to ao3.

Do note that if you're here because of the Webnovel post, I don't generally make a habit of diving into websites' T&C and I absolutely cannot give you legal advice.

Additional info about me and this blog under the cut.

(Updated June 3, 2023)

I post about the fandoms listed in my header, but I post about everything I like and that’s lots of things. I generally try to tag fandom stuff. So if, for example, you don’t like Doctor Who, block that tag and you won’t see Doctor Who stuff from me.

I also post a lot of things that make me chuckle or I find interesting or beautiful. I generally do not post about politics or serious issues here. This is my anonymous happy place and I save that stuff for accounts with my real name on them.

I generally reblog fan art or writing as soon as I see it, and I queue things that are interesting or chuckle-inducing. In part this makes my own queue nice little surprises on my dash. My queue tends to be quite long and it takes me even longer to get to videos (I save them for the relatively rare times when I can watch something with sound) so if I show up in your notifications long after you post something, that’s why.

I do not generally follow back. The only way tumblr stays fun for me is if I follow very few people. If I don't follow you or if I did at one point and I stopped, please know that it's not you, it's me. You're totally welcome to reach out to me regardless of whether I follow you or not.

If you are a minor I am literally old enough to be your mom. You are welcome here, you are welcome to reach out to me if you want to, and I don’t think I post anything that I would be uncomfortable with teenage-me seeing. But please understand that we’re coming at the world from pretty different places.

I am a mom to a very wonderful 6 year old daughter. I sometimes post about her here as Spawn and using the tag #spawn of miro. Other stuff about me is tagged #miro irl. My husband is on tumblr now too. You can find him at @the-real-surfski. You should check out his art and say nice things.

I am a lawyer in the US. I’ve practiced environmental law in various forms for nearly my entire career. These days I mostly write and review contracts. Nothing I say on this platform should ever be construed as legal advice.

And finally: I would love to interact with you! Send me asks (anon is on), messages, tag games. Tag me when you post your art or your writing. Tell me about something you’re into. Info dump at me. Recommend something you think I should read or watch. I love it all. Sometimes it will take me a day or so to respond due to work/parenting/adulting but I love getting notifications on here and you are never annoying me or bothering me.

I think that’s it! Happy tumbling!