#i am monster energys number one fan

[emo-milk]

I have to play music really loud and cut my hair

[ancientschampionau]

RealAgeAU drabble - Moving

Hello I am back and I got another idea for this little silly au that I have @spotaus to thank for for the original idea :3 Though I think this may be officially becoming one of my AUs hahahaha First part Prev Part Next part

Also yes. I know it would work better to number these uploads but also i am not writing these in any set order so it will become miserable for all of us if i number them because either they will be out of order or I will have to rework all the names and I am already editing links I don't need that extra energy in my life.

ANYWAY! :D

Next part! The one I lovingly clal in my head - The one where the gang finds a more permanent temporary home. (also yes. Before this they all speed-run the whole Parental bonding and emotional bonding to the idea of having a babybones. Which honestly can and probably will make four different drabbles)

-------

Horror stares at the door and wonders once again how he got to this point.

Well, no. That is a lie. He knows exactly how he got to his point.

He glances over his shoulder where the other four at hiding off to the side. Out of view from the doorway but still visable for Horror if he looks just right. Seems like Dust won the discussion, again, and is holding Nightmare, again.

Horror wants to say it is surprising how quickly they all just... accepted the situation they got into but he really isn't. Monsters are weird like that. Forced adoption is not that wild all things considered when you are talking about beings made of magic and emotions.

Horror stares at the door and raises his hand before knocking twice.

He really hadn't wanted to do this but they have no other choice. As he waits he can't help but think back to what made them decide this.

Cross walks from side to side "That was way to close! That was the third time we came across the Stars with Nightmare out. Third!"

Killer nods from where he is sitting wiht the sleeping Nightmare in his lap "Yeah no kidding. It is annoying as shit that they are hunting us."

Dust shrugs "Not surprising. Nightmare 'disappeared' after all. We are their only lead."

Killer grins "We were lucky Cross managed to lie his way out of the last one." and he shoots Cross a wink.

Cross sputters "I panicked!"

Killer grins and winks "Sure sure daddy crossy."

Horror holds up his hands between his two... co-parents "This is not the time. We need to figure out where we can go." and he thinks things over.

Cross sighs "I don't get how they keep finding us!"

Dust huffs as he packs their bags "We go to too little universes. Makes it easy for Ink and Dream to pick us out because they recognise us personally."

Killer frowns "Meaning. we need a big universe?" he taps his chin "But also mostly positive as we still don't know how obvious Nightmare would be otherwise."

Cross frowns "I think it will be fine. He can't feel the balance anymore right? And no one seems to have a reaction to him like they had before nor how people have a reaction to Dream's aura thing. Maybe with the corruption gone he really is just... ex-guardian now?"

Killer groans "I hope so. I am not a fan of child labor."

That is when it hits him. Horror sits up "I think I know a place."

All of them turn to him and he immediantly regrets saying anything. See? This is why he normally tries to limit what he says.

Either way. Here they are now and Horror prays this works. Please. They need one thing to work in their favor.

The door opens and a gasp "Horror! It has been ages! It is great to see you. How have you been?" Crop smiles at him.

Horror steels his nerves. Come on. Too much hangs on this moment "Hey Crop. Nice to see you. I am... okay. How are you?"

Crop frowns at him instantly "You sure? You don't sound okay. Trouble at home?"

Horror chuckles "Kinda? Not exactly. Euh... Can't go back to that place now?"

Crop frowns "Why? Need a place to stay? I got a spare room."

Okay yes! this is going great! just... gotta make sure he knows.

Horror nods "I do need a room. Not just for me though..." Crop starts to frown and Horror raises his hands "Just temporarily!"

Crop frowns "Did... something go wrong?"

Horror pauses and thinks this through once more. He trusts Crop. Crop has never been anything but kind even when Horror had been an ass. Even when he had to once drag Dust here to get healing before they could make the jump back home.

Horror looks to the side and he sees the others just beyond the treeline, hidden in shadows and waiting. Crop takes a look as well but he can't quite spot them. Crop looks back up at him.

Horror takes a deep breath "You need... to promise me, no not just promise you need to swear. That what you are about to learn will not leave this universe."

Crop frowns as he immediantly looks uncomfortable. It is the reaction a promise gets from most of them. But Crop also shoots him a considering look before he nods. He holds out a hand "I swear and promise I will not share the about to be giving information. UNLESS! It endangers anyone." and he waits.

Horror stares at the hand and thinks. That... That is fine right? That should be fine. Nightmare being a child doesn't endanger anyone. Only them and Nightmare. Horror nods and shakes the hand.

Crop nods and steps aside "Come inside. I bet you will be more comfortable explaining there." he glances at the forest "Do your... friends? Want to come in too?" a guess clearly. probably on multiple fronts.

Horror shakes his skull "Not yet. Need to know your answer and reaction first." He turns to the forest and makes a signal to wait a bit longer. He sees a thumbs up shot his way back. Probably Killer. He never bothered with the signals they had learned together.

Crop nods as he steps aside and Horror walks in, having to duck slightly for the door. The door closes behind him and Horror sees the small living room with fireplace.

Crop leads him to the kitchen "Lets talk there. I will get some tea."

A few minutes later they are both seated and with a cup of tea. Crop looks at him expectingly.

Horror takes a deep breath and takes out their most valuable resourch. The Dreamtale book. And places it on the table. Crop frowns at it before looking at Horror.

Horror nods to it "It will help explain... Very long story short... Nightmare was never an adult. He was a child with a magical shield of some type. That magic has ran out."

Crop stares at him for a moment, then he pulls the book closer and starts reading it. He pauses at the title before opening it.

And now he waits.

---------

Crop sits wiht his skull in his hands. Horror just sits across from him, with his empty cup of tea. Crop's own cup has grown cold a long time ago. Horror just waits for anymore questions but Crop hasn't said anyhting in the last ten minutes.

Horror looks back at the book and sees that Crop has turned the pages back to the one with the drawing of Nightmare's head being cracked open. The image makes a very clear show on how small Nightmare was compared to the ones attacking him.

Horror still thinks the book doesn't do it justice. Nightmare is much smaller in person than the picture makes him seem. The cracks had been much worse than the picture showed. But it is the closest they got.

Crop finally sighs and speaks. He doesn't look away from the picture "I don't... Know a lot about this whole... multiverse stuff. It isn't my place at all. And that is fine." he pauses for a moment "But this... You are telling me... That the one being that had everyone afraid. That everyone saw as a demon. Is a child... is this child?"

Horror nods before he explains more "Nightmare... gained a lot of magic and powers when he ate those apples. At least that is what the story implied. We haven't managed to get him to tell us yet, mostly because well... he is six again." Crops pulls a face as well, yeah. Horror agrees. A PTSD filled six year old is not easy. But they are managing.

Horror nods "so... What Cross nad Dust think what happened is that... The magic and negativity of the apples bond itself to Nightmare. Which game him the magic and powers he would use. The connection to the balance because the apples were part of the balance. and more importantly, an adult form and mind to fit all the magic. There was just no way all that magic and energy would have fit a babybones. Especially one that hadn't shown much magic beforehand." an assumption on their end as Nightmare was never said to use magic in the book.

"We think... We think that this magic of the apples just. ran out. We had been in battle at the time and Nightmare had been hit but it shouldn't have had that much of an effect. it was the same type of attack he had been hit by before. Dust thinks it was just the last bit of magic that the apples had having run out. Meaning that with the magic and energy so went the form." all a theory of course. But it is the only thing they have.

Crop nods as he clearly thinks "And as he was suddenly an adult. instead of just being afraid and scared. all that pain and emotions took a more violent turn. As he was an adult and was suddenly able to realise that it was unfair which made him angry..." Crop pauses.

Crop glares back at the table and shakes his skull "It is... It is a whole story about victim blaming. A victim is blamed for the abuse they suffered. They are made to believe they deserve it and should be abused. Then as soon as they fight back and defend themselves they are seen as guilty." Crop takes adeep breath as he leans back "What I don't get... Why come here? I can't help with any of this."

Horror shakes his skull "This isn't about any of the big stuff. We don't even care about it. We just... Nightmare is himself again. His real self." he taps the page lightly "Not his aged-up self that the corruption enabled him to be."

Crop stares before his face changes to shock "You are trying to hide him." Then a frown "Why not go to your own home? Has it been compromised?"

Horror snorts "At this point? probably." a confused look and Horror continues "Nightmare used his magic to shield off an universe and make a castle." he shrugs at the glance "Nightmare likes to read. I imagine he liked to read back then too. He may have been an adult technically but he was still a child at soul. Child him wanted a home and wanted that to be a castle and adult him made it happen... probably... that is Killer's theory at the moment."

Crop laughs and nods "Suonds reasonable- oh... and with his magic disappearing."

Horror sighs "When I left his universe the castle had already been decaying..."

Crop frowns "Left? The five of you you mean?"

Horror looks to the side and feels the shame return "We.... we did not react well... when we saw the changes at first... we... we obviously dind't know what was going on and well." he looks down "We abandoned him. I know it was wrong and stupid and we all regret it. We came back but we still did it." shame.

shame shame shame shame shame shame shame-

A hand on his shoulder. Horror glances up and Crop smiles at him "It is okay. You are trying to fix it now right? obviously. Not cool that you abandoned a child... but it can be nerve wrecking. Suddenly going from a position where a person is mostly guiding you, to going to a position where you suddenly are responsible over that same person."

Horror looks to the side "We still left." he can't believe they just left!

Crop nods "But you returned." he grins "And you are trying to fix it."

Horror nods again "We are..." he chuckles "Not that we have been doing a good job at it. Jumping from place to place."

Crop hums "So you are looking to settle, at least for a little bit, while also hidding. Why this universe?"

Horror nods "Yeah..." He looks to the side "We... we don't know how everyone will react. To him being like this. Maybe they will react well. Maybe not. We don't want to risk it. Risk him."

Crop stares at him for a long time and nods "There must be better places?"

Horror shakes his skull "The Stars kept finding us. Dust figured out we needed a big universe that leans towards positive. Yours is one of those. It is one of the wider and bigger ones. And overall leaning towards positive."

Crop frowns "It can't be the best one..."

Horror shrugs but continues "True... there are bigger and more positive ones. But those are busy. Many people. many places. Yours is quieter. more empty. Gives peace and room to work from."

Crop frowns as he taps his chin. He thinks deeply before sighing "You guys got any type of backstory we can use? The multiverse thing isn't a known thing here and the only reason my brother and I know is because you crash landed here."

Horror blinks "You will let us stay?"

Crop nods "Sure." and he grins "Can't kick out four parents with a babybones." and he gets up.

Horrro shakes his skull "That isn't... Well I mean technically." He knows that Killer has come close to killing quite a few people with how protective he has grown over Nightmare and that isn't even including the motherhenning of Cross nor the clinginess that Dust has.

Crop chuckles as he nods towards the stairs "The attic is messy and should be cleaned but can be used by you four, well five. There is an old bed and an old lounge chair up there." more thoughtful "How big is he exactly? we will need some clothes. Probably also get a healer to check him if he is developing okay after all those magical shenanigans."

Horror stares for a moment before smiling "Thank you... I know it is a lot."

Crop shrugs as he opens the linnen closet "Horror. Taking care of milking all the cows on your own is a lot. Having to fix your roof in the middle of a thunderstorm is a lot." He straightens his spine with blankets in his arms "Helping a friend and his friends who have somehow aqcuired a babybones, while strange, does not compare to either of those. Now get your friends out of those woods. They will make the animals nervous." he grins "I am excited to be one of the first ones to meet the real Nightmare."

Horror smiles as he packs his book and goes towards the door. "Thanks again Crop."

Crop waves it off as he moves the piles upstairs.

-------

Boom! and they are staying in FarmTale for now! Horror and Crop are homies and Dust is more of an acquaintance of Crop but it works. Aged-up Nightmare knew that Horror had an universe he liked to visit but never demanded details. *shrugs* Nightmare didn't see the point. as long as horror wasn't going to betray him what did it matter he didn't tell him?

Surprise Nightmare, this is your temporary home now. For a bit. or maybe longer? They are still figuring it out.

First part Prev Part Next part

[netherworldpost]

@thatdarnyeti /

The current (emphasis: current, I'm still chomping numbers and capability) plan is there are going to be 3 monthly zines.

Each zine is 1 sheet of paper folded in half, to make a tiny booklet.

Monsters / the Netherworld / fun stories or poems etc

Real world post office letter mail inspiration stuff

Real world Halloween (spooky, not scary, in line with everything else we do) essay

Each zine is $1 each + postage (in the USA, about $0.70). You're only charged once for postage, so your total will be $1.70 or $2.70 or $3.70 depending on if you subscribe to one, two, or three zines.

Each zine is going to be about a blog-post in length... because a few months after they mail out (probably 3 or 4 months), they become blog posts.

At that point, the PDF of that zine will be "pay if you want" to download, or you can buy a copy in the shop as a normal product, for $1 (then we'll fire up the printing presses and mail it to you).

The advantage of us printing and mailing -- we use commercial printing presses that have really great colors. The advantage of "pay if you want" is you can get it immediately and (if you want) free.

On social media, for the last few years, I've balanced

"here is monster stuff in a fun dimension, sometimes there is smooching"

"here is a love letter to the postal system, yes, a love letter... to.. the postal... system"

"Here is fanfic about Scooby-Doo, or a very specific Halloween commercial from the 1980s, or a love letter to Dunkin' Donuts Halloween donuts"

By splitting the zine into three options, people can focus on "I like THIS part of your work, but am less interested in THAT part of your work."

I want to serve people exactly what they are most interested in. I love making all three lines of stuff pretty much equally, and having 3 focuses to bounce between keeps me in a great flow state.

It works out great.

I am extremely pro-social media, it has given me an inordinate amount of advantages and benefits for many years.

And.

I'm in the classic business scenario of "what got you to where you are won't get you to where you want to go."

The above zine project is explicitly designed around "Hey. Like our stuff? Here is a physical copy priced as affordably as possible. You're getting a blog post / social media post, but in the mail. Enjoy!"

Each zine is going to be wildly experimental.

I look at them as a box.

"I have 1 sheet of paper, folded in half, so a booklet of 4 pages. What can I do this month with it?"

FOR THE MONSTER ZINE, I'm thinking "Okay. One month it is a love story (obviously). The next month it is a series of sketches of slime candy. The next month it is a day-in-the-life of a dragon."

FOR THE MAILING ZINE, one month it is going to be "You should write a postcard to your favorite independent restaurant and tell them exactly how you feel about them. You should share why you order what you order and how happy it makes you. Maybe you went there on a date and it went great, maybe you went there after a really hard day and their food made it a little bit better."

FOR THE REAL WORLD SPOOKY ZINE, I'll do a deep dive into my fan theories about magic in Hocus Pocus.

In the 80s and 90s there were tons of super cheap magazines and comics that were constantly shifting and experimenting and I love that.

It's the energy I'm bringing back.

I've spent too many words on this really simple response, I'm sorry, I'm full of words today.

There will be a giant post on the blog "this is how I'm doing it because I have access to commercial printers, if you do too, here is what i recommend. If you don't, check out how to print it at an office supply store, here are details. If you don't want to do that, here is what you can do at home with a cheap desktop printer."

Wow I am WAY over my word budget (laugh)

thank you sorry getting back to work

[nerdythebard]

#57: Yang Xiao Long [RWBY]

[Art Credit: izumi_sai] ---

Let me explain:

The request to build a D&D version of everybody's favourite punny brawling bombshell, Yang Xiao Long, came from an anonymous reader as the most recent one. However, I have decided to make this a priority since the requestor mentioned they have a campaign coming and they wish to play as the iconic character from RWBY. If I'm too late, I am so sorry... but I will at least go out with a Yang! ...Eh? Eh?

Next Time: Back to our regularly scheduled program with Doctor Liao and the origins of Skynet!

Now then, let's see what we need to past this Hunter exam!

One Punch Gal: Yang is a master of hand-to-hand combat, but she's also quite proficient with her gauntlet guns, the Ember Celica, to attack enemies at a distance... with her fists.

Uno Reverse Hulk: Yang absorbs the kinetic energy from attacks directed at her (but keeps the pain) to reinforce her own attacks and protections.

One Woman Army: Early on, Yang's battle tactics were simple: walk in and own everything and everyone. As the problems in the world of RWBY evolved, so did her approach to resolving fights, but she still remains the strongest member of the team and its chief frontliner.

---

As far as we know, Yang is a human; we will, however, use the Aasimar from Mordenkainen's Monsters of the Multiverse to represent her ability to use Aura and Semblance. We get a +2 and a +1 to two abilities of our choice (Constitution and Strength respectively), speed of 30 feet, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, Healing Hands ability that allows us to, once per long rest, heal a number of Hit Points equal to [our proficiency bonus]d4, and the Light cantrip.

Yang is a rather famous Huntress, known for her physical prowess, so we're gonna give her the Athlete background. We gain proficiencies in Acrobatics and Athletics, one language of our choice, proficiency with land vehicles (which means we can get our Bumblebee before we get the... other Bumblebee) and the Echoes of Victory feature; whenever we arrive at a new location, there is a 50/50 chance we will find a fan of ours, who is willing to share information or provide a shelter.

ABILITY SCORES

Strength will be our primary focus; we need to be able to effectively punch anything ranging from random bar thugs to giant nightmare werewolves. Constitution will be next, the other half of being the frontliner is the ability to take a hit. Dexterity is after that, Yang learns to evade and position herself a bit later in her career; plus, we need to take care of the physical stats first.

Charisma is next, her puns may be awful but Yang herself is rather charming (and quite intimidating when she needs to be). Wisdom will be on the lower end, because she still gets a good advice every now and then, and we're dumping Intelligence.

CLASS

Level 1 - Barbarian: Let's start with a solid base. Barbarians get d12 as their Hit Dice, [12 + our Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiencies in light armour, medium armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. Yang does not wear armour, and we will not use weapons (but we still are gonna get the Ember Celica, trus me) but can grab something simple just in case. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution, and we get to pick two class skills from the list (Intimidation and Perception).

Barbarians start with their signature ability, Rage. As a bonus action, we enter a state of furious, gaining the following benefits provided we do not wear a heavy armour:

Advantage on Strength-related checks and saving throws

A +2 bonus to damage rolls of our Strength-based melee weapon attacks

Resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage

While raging we cannot cast spells or concentrate on them. Rage lasts for 1 minute or until we're knocked unconscious. It also ends if we do not attack/take damage from a hostile create for one turn.

We also gain Unarmoured Defense. When unarmoured, our AC equals [10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Constitution modifier]. We can still use a shield and gain this benefit.

Level 2 - Barbarian: We awaken our Danger Sense. If we're not blinded, deafened, or incapacitated, we gain an advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects we can see, such as traps or spells. We also learn how to make a Reckless Attack; when we attack for the first time, we can declare it reckless and gain an advantage on melee weapon attacks for that turn. Unfortunately, all enemies have an advantage on attacks made against us for that time.

Level 3 - Fighter: Time to get some technique to our fists. Multiclassing into Fighter gives us proficiencies we already have, so we can skip those. We get to choose our Fighting Style, and it's a no-brainer to grab Unarmed Fighting for Yang. We can now deal [1d6 + our Strength modifier] bludgeoning damage with our unarmed strikes. If we do not use any weapons, the die changes to 1d8. We also get Second Wind, which allows us to heal [1d10 + our Fighter level] Hit Points as a bonus action once per short or long rest.

At this level, we also gain the racial ability Celestial Revelation. As a bonus action, we can unleash our celestial energy Aura and transform for 1 minute. With the Radiant Consumption option, we emit a bright light for 10 feet and a dim light for another 10. Until the transformation ends, each creature within 10 feet of us suffers radiant damage equal to our proficiency bonus, and we can add the same amount of radiant damage to one target whenever we attack it.

Level 4 - Fighter: We get Action Surge, which allows us to once per short or long rest take an extra Action on our turn in combat.

Level 5 - Fighter: We pick our first subclass, our Martial Archetype. We will focus on the power behind Yang's punches and pick the Champion Archetype. With Improved Critical, our weapon attacks score a critical hit on either a 19 or a 20.

Level 6 - Fighter: We finally get our first Ability Score Improvement. We need to increase our Wisdom and Dexterity by 1 point each.

Level 7 - Fighter: We now get Extra Attack. We can now make two strikes during a single Attack action.

Level 8 - Fighter: Our next ASI. We can finally put two more points into Wisdom and jump classes to refine our technique.

Level 9 - Monk: Unfortunately, once again we have to pass on some multiclassing benefits. Additionally, here is where we could gain Unarmoured Defense, but the one from Barbarian's side of the build is a bit better for us. We do, however, gain access to Martial Arts. While unarmed (or wielding a monk weapon) and unarmoured we gain the following benefits:

We can use our Dexterity or Strength when using unarmed strikes and monk weapons

We can roll a d4 in place of the regular damage dice for unarmed strikes and monk weapons; that Martial Arts dice changes as we level up.

When we use the Attack action unarmed or with a monk weapon, we can use our bonus action to make another unarmed attack.

Since Yang uses the long-ranged Ember Celica, we can replace that (for now) with a set of monk darts (or, you can ask your DM for a hand-mounted small crossbows)

Level 10 - Monk: Halfway through the build and we unlock the Monk's key feature known as Ki (hah!). We gain a pool of Ki Points that we can spend in order to gain some extra features. We start with three of those:

Flurry of Blows: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action if we make the Attack action.

Patient Defense: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us take the Dodge action as a bonus action.

Step of the Wind: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us the Dash or Disengage actions as bonus actions, and it doubles your jumping distance for the turn.

We also gain Unarmoured Movement. As long as we're not wearing armour, our speed gains a +10 feet bonus.

Level 11 - Monk: We learn how to Deflect Missiles. When targeted by a projectile, we can use our Reaction to reduce the damage by [1d10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Monk level]. If we manage to reduce the damage to 0, we catch the projectile and can use the same Reaction to make a ranged (20/60) attack with it.

Here, we also pick our third subclass - our Monastic Tradition. We can now activate our Aura with Way of the Sun Soul. We can now fire off even more devastating bolts with our Ember Celica. With Radiant Sun Bolt, we gain a new way to use our Attack action: a special spell attack with the range of 30 feet, we are proficient with it and add our Dexterity modifier, the damage type is radiant and the damage die is our Martial Arts die. We can also make those attacks as our Flurry of Blows technique.

Level 12 - Monk: We finally get another ASI. Let's put two points into Dexterity to increase all the important stuff. At this level, we also learn Slow Fall - we can reduce our falling damage by [our Monk level x5]. Additionally, since we didn't get anything from multiclassing into either Monk or Fighter, I personally would allow to take the optional Quickened Healing feature, but discuss it with your DM.

Level 13 - Monk: Our Martial Arts die becomes 1d6 now. We also gain a new Ki option - Stunning Strike. When we hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, we can spend 1 Ki Point to attempt to stun it. The target must make a Constitution saving throw or become stunned until the end of our next turn.

At this level, the Monk would've gotten the Extra Attack. Since we already have it from Fighter, we wouldn't stack it. That being said, I would allow it to evolve, since this is around the time you would get Extra Attack Upgrade as a Fighter, and we do need to make Yang more punchy. Once again, discuss it with your DM.

Level 14 - Monk: With Ki-Empowered Strikes, our punches now count as magical for the purpose of overcoming resistances and immunities... which means you can punch ghosts now. Also, our Unarmoured Movement bonus is not +15 feet.

We also gain a subclass upgrade. With Searing Arc Strike, we can now spend 2 Ki Points as a bonus action immediately after an attack to cast Burning Hands. We can spend more Ki Points to raise the spell's level

Level 15 - Monk: Time for some strategic positioning both physically and mentally. With Evasion, we now take no damage if we succeed on an area-of-effect Dexterity saving throw (if we fail, we take half damage when we would normally take full damage). With Stillness of Mind, we can use our Action to end a charmed or frightened effect on ourselves.

Level 16 - Monk: Time for another ASI, and we're going to raise our Strength by two points to... pack more of a punch? ...Eh? Eh?

...Well, they can't all be winners.

Level 17 - Monk: With Unarmoured Movement Improvement, we can now run across liquids and vertical surfaces without losing our foothold (as long as we have enough movement).

Level 18 - Monk: Our Unarmoured Movement bonus is now +20 feet. We also explore more healing properties of our Aura with Purity of Body; we are now immune to all poison and disease.

Level 19 - Monk: Our Martial Arts die is now a 1d8. It's also time for another subclass upgrade; with Searing Sunburst, we can create an orb of light and hurl it at any point within 150 feet. Every creature within 20 feet radius has to make a Constitution saving throw or take 2d6 radiant damage. While it doesn't seem like a lot, we can spend some Ki Points to increase the damage (1 Ki Point for extra 2d6 to a maximum of 3 Ki Points).

Level 20 - Monk: Our capstone is Monk 12, which gives us an ASI. While we could max out our Strength, let's put two points into Constitution for better AC and extra HP before the big final fight with Salem.

---

And that's the Goldilocks Berserker. Let's see how we did:

First of all, for someone who exclusively uses her fists, we've managed to compile quite a roster of damage-dealing. At our absolute maximum, in one turn we can punch twice as a standard attack for 1d8+4, add two more attacks with Flurry of Blows, and then use Action Surge to do that whole thing again for the maximum of 48 damage. And if that doesn't work out, we have some Ki-based Kamehameha shots and if it seems like we're getting too much damage we can easily heal.

Our unarmoured AC is 17, we have a +3 to our Initiative, 50 feet of ground speed, and the average of 181 Hit Points.

While we have a rather decent physical ability spread (18/16/18), our mental side is rather abandoned. We are also a single-purpose character: we need to punch stuff, and the few skill proficiencies we have are also geared for that.

---

And that's Ms Xiao Long. That was fun, though I did not expect to make her so similar to the previous build. Anywho, to the anonymous person who requested this - I hope it meets your expectations and your campaign turns out to be fun. Enjoy!

-Nerdy out!

[lolitasturn]

𖦹 curiouser and curiouser

who in the world am i? let me tell you !

ꔫ my name is dolores, but you can call me lola, lo or lolita >.<

ꔫ 18 years old as of june 17th

ꔫ music taste : lana del rey, the weeknd, sza, kendrick lamar, frank ocean, tyler the creator, childish gambino, mac miller, dominic fike, the smiths, radiohead, alex g, tv girl, doja cat, billie eilish, the neighbourhood, chase atlantic, tame impala, arctic monkeys, beabadoobee, chappell roan, sabrina carpenter, paramore, lesley gore, cleo sol, mazzy star, fleetwood mac, fiona apple - most of my fics will likely contain a song of one of these artists

ꔫ fav movies : alice in wonderland (ofc), priscilla, the virgin suicides, girl interrupted, barbie, the notebook, scott pilgrim vs the world, mean girls, monster high movies, the parent trap, mid 90’s, crossroads, sleeping beauty

ꔫ fav series : outer banks, south park, shameless, gilmore girls, ever after high, modern family, desperate housewives, jersey shore, h2o

ꔫ fav men : chris & matt sturniolo, daniel dimaggio, benjamin wadsworth, rudy pankow, drew starky, colby brock, vinnie hacker

ꔫ chratt girl (but chris is my number 1 bae)

ꔫ i’ve been a fan of the triplets since april 2022

ꔫ 5’4

ꔫ my fav color is pink (believe it or not)

ꔫ i only write for chris and matt; i don’t have the energy for anyone else

ꔫ i love love love cats they’re so me ^_^

that’s all for now, not all who wander are lost

[izunias-meme-hole]

Since you're is a Ganondorf fan, can you rank your favorite iterations of the guy?

I am going to be excluding the classic pig beasts and the calamity for this because they'll be on the bottom, so this will be exclusively incarnations of Ganondorf, the man behind the monster himself.

Number 1. Ocarina of Time - A timeless classic with simple, yet effective characterization who does so much with such little screentime. He starts out as a king of thieves with a large ambition who is willing to kill anyone who gets in the way of his prize, and said prize was the triforce, and he actually gets it, well a piece of it. Then in the future, he goes from that to a true King of Evil, and judging by the impact his reign has had on the land, and the fact that he nearly genocided the Zora and Gorons, is honestly enough to inform the player that he's somehow crueler than before. Also HE PLAYS HIS OWN THEME ON AN ORGAN AND IT DOESN'T FEEL CHEESEY. OOT Ganondorf was and IS the blueprint for any future incarnations of the character, and he still happens to be the best.

Number 2. Tears of The Kingdom - Despite the slightly confusing connection he has to Calamity Ganon and his timeline placement still not clarified as the actual Founding of Hyrule or its Re-founding, this is the second best Ganondorf in the entire series. Matt Mercer was better than expected, his designs slap, his usual strong presence is still there, HE GAVE GORONS CRACK (I wish I was joking), and overall he was delightfully charismatic and evil. And the best part of it is that this is the ONLY Ganondorf so far in canon that seems aware of what he is and enjoys every minute of being The Demon King. A true villain, this one is.

Number 3. Smash Bros - He was a last minute inclusion in Melee, a bad character in Brawl, a joke in smash 4 gameplay-wise. So why is he Number 3? He was a good "Orcus on His Throne" villain in Subspace, he got a HUGE upgrade in Ultimate, and the aura around him and the energy he has in ALL the games is 100% Ganondorf, from his taunts to the heaviness of his attacks. One of his taunts is literally him taking out a sword and putting it away, implying that he could use it, but only needs his overwhelming power to beat his enemies, and it's the type of arrogance I expect from Ganondorf when he's at the height of his power. He ain't the best character in the games and is in need of buffs, but I do believe he's a good representation of Ganondorf outside the main series. Also when do you ever see Ganon interacting with Bowser, Sephiroth, Ridley, AND King Dedede in offical media?

Number 4. Hyrule Warriors - To sum up this incarnation of Ganondorf, he's a prototype TOTK Ganondorf, and is another great representation of the character outside the main series, and you do play as him in the main story, alongside Zant and Ghirahim. Only reason why he's 4th is because I do find smash to have a more interesting premise, and there's something cathardic about Ganondorf just punching the shit outta people.

Number 5. Twilight Princess - He's on the same level as Wind Waker Ganondorf to me, but I LOVE how he's just a full on recreation of OOT Ganondorf who takes a backseat to be the final boss. He's active through Zant for a lot of the game, and when we hear about him, he's basically built up as a ruthless ass bastard with a god complex, and he himself is such a god damn great final boss. He lacks the depth Wind Waker's Ganon has, but his status as a great villain is as clear as day.

Number 6. Wind Waker - He has a surprisingly weak presence compared to his other incarnations, but Wind Waker Ganondorf is carried by a great final battle and genuine depth as a character. The best way to sum him up is "The Lord of A Dead Empire," and everytime he's appears, that becomes clearer and clearer. Despite this characterization of the big bad king being sadder than usual, this guy is still downright evil to the bone, so don't be caught off guard. Sure, he's lower on the list, but he's still pretty amazing, and he's also 50% of the fandom's favorite incarnation of him, which is honestly an achievement.

Number 7. Cadence of Hyrule - When I found out he was a child and not a problem in the slightest, I was shocked and confused since Classic Ganon is in the game. He isn't good as a character or villain here, but I like the idea of a young boy Ganondorf just doing whatever while a teenage Link walks around Hyrule.

Number 8. Four Swords Adventure - Ganondorf himself doesn't appear as a man at all, but he appears in Classic Beast Ganon, and in all honesty... meh. I like that he's a reincarnation though

[voicesofchaos]

Zexal Month - The Magician

So today we are supposed to talk about our favorite Duel Monster or Number specifically. I feel like I always share that clip of Beyond The Hope’s Summoning so going to do something a little bit different this time. A lot of different Numbers get used in both the anime and manga. But the Numbers that always fascinated me are the ones released in the card game after both had ended. For a fanfic I have wanted to write for a long time would be a rewrite from a different point of view and a genre shift. One of the goals of that fanfic would be to all Numbers 1 through 100 get used in some way so I have spent a long time thinking about these 30 unused Numbers and how they would be used in the series. So this post is going to go through all 30 cards and I will explain who I think should use each one. Some are very obvious and self-explanatory but some others are very weird and out there. So hopefully this post is amusing and maybe educational. Be warned it will be very long! @zexalmonth

Tron. Making it his 3rd Number and being tied with IV for Numbers used.

This is a bit of a weird one because the “Wyrm” monster type didn’t come out until Arc-V so it literally couldn’t have existed in Zexal. Despite that though I assign this card to Mizael. I feel like all the Barians would have at least 1 backup Number 1-100 that isn’t their Legendary (Mythyrian) Number. Mizael is a dragon tamer and this is close to a dragon but also a huge edgelord.

Space-themed monster. This is totally V’s number. Psychic type monsters are even used by his dad and his brother, III. Sadly only raising V’s number count to 2 and behind the rest of his family as we will see. Alternatively, in the manga this would belong to Eviluder who used Number 42: Galaxy Tomahawk (which I would also assign to V to being his Number count to 3).

Anna of course! She even summons it in Duel Links! Making this card the only card in this list to appear in a semi-canon Zexal story!

Cathy. And honestly it seems so perfect for her style.

III. Giving him a 3rd Number (Not counter Number 32) and getting him to keep up with IV.

This is definitely the single hardest card to assign on this list. I am simply going to give it to Rokujuro because the card has old man vibes. 

Durbe. That might seem weird but what is this monster holding and what meme is Durbe most famous for? BOOKS! Durbe very much seems like the “prophet” character archetype.

Kotori! Her name means little bird and I feel like the colors would even match her style. 

Gilag. Another kind of weird one but his archetype is Hands after-all. They even have a similar body type.  

So you are probably thinking yet another Number for Yuma. But actually one other character in the series has played Gogogo Golem. Yup! The man who Yuma got his deck from! Tsukumo Kazuma! Yuma’s dad totally deserves his own number!

Cool 3-headed FIRE dragon. I feel like either Mizael or Kaito could have this one but I am going to give this one to Kaito. This was definitely one of those initial 10 Numbers Kaito had already hunted before the series started.

Alit. Okay hear me out because I know this is a stretch. This is a FIRE monster and only Alit plays those. Few characters across all Yugioh series play FIRE monster. But also I headcanon that Alit would totally be obsessed with reality/celebrity cooking TV shows or just a huge fan of Food Wars! I know we don’t see that side of him in the show but the same energy is there.

Going real obscure here with Jin (Fortuno in the dub). The guy that worshipped Kaito for no real reason and had both Number 11 and 16. Yeah, let’s give him a 3rd Number as if he needed another but come one this card has his style.

Only one character uses dice and luck. Charlie McCoy! I don’t blame you if you don’t remember him either. Sadly not the last time he will be on this list.

I take it back. This is the hardest. Being a sky prison I feel like Eliphas would vibe with this, maybe after being corrupted and made evil by its influence. Alternatively for the manga, I really want to give Luna a Number and sure this makes enough sense if you stretch it.

Obviously Shark but more specifically Nasch. If you want to be spicey you could say this belonged to past-life Nasch.

Okay I don’t have a lot of reasoning for this but I strongly feel like this card belongs to Droite. She uses Butterfly Assassins and this guy is totally an assassin. 

So you could easilly say Number 96: Dark Mist for this one. But for a more creative option I am going to Tsukumo Akari gets corrupted by this Number as she is chasing a story. Alternatively in the manga, Shadow would use this as his Number 48: Shadow Lich is on of the 3 monsters in the background and it also fits him.

I’m breaking the rules here. This Number belongs to Hiragi Yuzu from Arc-V who ended up in Zexal while dimension-hopping. 

This just has to be Astral of course.

Alit’s true Number!

Anna! She even has a voice line for it in Duel Links apparently!

Charlie McCoy yet again!

Gauche’s number!

I get both Rio and Droite vibes from this one. But sadly reaching into the obscure makes the most sense here with Aika Hanazoe (Lotus Hanazoe) who was Rio’s first on-screen duel and used Battlecruiser Dianthus. 

I really wish I could tell what was going in this artwork but every version it just looks weird. I feel like it would be a Cyberse monster now a days. I feel like you could this off as belonging to Vector. But more so on the manga side I could totally see this as Kyoji Yagumo card, a fitting 8th Number for him.

So obviously a Kaito card but what if instead this was used by Haruto to backup and support his brother’s battles? Haruto does use a Number (28) so why not give him a cool supportive Number as well.

A DARK version of Mizael’s Legendary Number (46) so I can’t in good consciousness give this to Mizael and it doesn’t fit Kaito either. So I am actually going to give this to Don Thousands as a means to corrupt Mizael and others.

On the anime side this belongs exclusively to Dark Zexal. But for the manga, this clearly belongs to E’Rah whose ace monster was Anti-Hope God Of Despair. Yeah this totally the Numbers version of that card.

[kurgy]

hello it appears that i am angry

am i even a bnha fan. like i read the series and like some characters but i am angry with it more often than not. the characters that deserve help and compassion do not get it because they are villains. the characters who perform irredeemable acts of cruelty are celebrated and become fan favorites because they are heroes. vigilantes are illegal and treated the exact same as villains, but the criteria of what makes a villain is constantly shifting. anyone can be placed into the role of a villain.

heroes are not crime fighting vigilantes they are government funded celebrities with superpowers with the legal right to kill you for w/e. the heroes have committed more acts of human atrocity than any villains, and in universe these are either celebrated and praised, ignored completely, or are parts of large government cover ups. there is an actual critique on the japanese justice system and police brutality in hero society and we are shown the victims of this system of corruption and abuse and where it has lead them and they are making POINTS about how fucked up hero society is and then immediately we jump to all those kids in cop school (btw the whole premise of this series is putting kids in hero schools to train as heroes, not until they grow up like now. they are child soldier schools and only the villains acknowledge this) being like wow all of this is so messed up....but you chose to become villains and villains are bad and we need the system to stop you, praising the “good people” in a bad system as if they are not actively contributing to it. a villain will do something and it is terrible and horrible and they should be killed or sent to the underwater torture prison, and a hero will do the EXACT SAME THING and its good actually, it had to happen, there was no other way, etc., and it is kind of maddening. it has a lot of “we’re joining the system to change it from the inside” energy but no one actually does that because it is an impossible thing to do, it is a fantasy. 

the number 1 hero in japan was outted as a serial abuser, who beat his wife and children (driving one in particular to total self destruction to the point that they thought he DIED and no one cared) on national television. his mutilated and heavily abused and damaged son highjacked the airwaves to out him as a monster and a hypocrite, and the hero ADMITTED TO IT ALL ALSO ON NATIONAL TELEVISION and he did not even lose his job or status or ANYTHING. Absolutely no consequences. another hero said in response to this that they should have “kept things behind closed doors”. the public lost total faith in heroes after this and the heroes said this was because his abused son manipulated the public against them by *checks notes* telling the truth. and i am meant to fully support the heroes as a reader on the same basis that makes up the series entire issue in the first place, they are the heroes.

[swallowerofdharma]

1 and 2 for Void from Berserk!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I don’t know yet if I dislike Void, but he is far from being a character I have been very interested in, apart from what can help me understand the world-building of Berserk. And I am not a huge fan of the character designs of the God Hand. Considering that they appear very very early, I believe that Miura was at the beginning and still figuring out his own style, and I prefer the later and more creative designs of the monsters and apostles from the landscape of the Eclipse to the underbelly of Falconia. But apart from appearances, I think I am less emotionally invested in everything non-human or no longer human and we don’t have any real information on who Void was before his own Eclipse. There are speculations out there, and sometimes I find myself agreeing with some of those observations, but until confirmation I am not particularly strongly opinionated about it. So until Void is a character who lacks a human backstory, I suspend my judgment.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

The name intrigues me the most. Especially after the introduction of Schierke, Flora and their teachings. They talked about four states and elementals - while their incantations sometimes evoke the form of a pentagram - but, like when Charlotte told the story of the ruins at the bottom of the tower in Midland about a number of “angels”, four and five are numbers that seem to come back often. What intrigues me is that in almost every eastern religious philosophy there are always five elements. With the Kushans and the witches, Miura introduced some interesting concepts that mirror in many aspects each other. According to Hinduism, there are five great or basic elements or Pancha Bhuta, where the fifth one is akasha, often translated as atmosphere or ether, but corresponding also to the idea of open space or vacuity. In Japanese Buddhism these five elements are called Godai 五大 and the fifth element is void 空, this is sometimes interpreted and understood as the enlightened mind. We know Void in Berserk is a blinded creature who is mainly spine and brain, possibly the corrupted equivalent of that concept? I wonder what role he might have, if the spiraling that often is shown to represent these other dimensions - the dream reality or the dimensions of the ideas, and the astral plane or afterlife - is a point of entrance to the void, the possibility of a distortion so extreme that everything could collapse into a black hole of sorts… And maybe Femto is new energy to increase it. Sorry though, this is only speculation, a lot of rambling, nothing really very important, but things that can attract my attention in the absence of the human story of Void, the character. What did cause his fall, what was his dream or ideology and what will happen if he is challenged? Thank you for the ask!

[444fall]

“Roselune” No. I, Forest.

꒰  ꒱   ★   ᧔ ⑅ ᧓   ˚   .

I, Aphrodite Angelic and you can call me Angel, Angie, Ange, Rose or Milady, R.

Hi, with Angelic here. I'm glad you can open and read this as my introduction, I hope we have something in common and become good friends.

So, I love astrology, even though I don't understand it completely but I love it when they talk about this. Hi, I'm a Libra especially October., my venus is Scorpio, my sun is Libra, my moon is Gemini, my sun is Libra and I am an INFJ. Sometimes they describe me as “serene” is since I genuinely enjoy quiet, peaceful environments.

I have tonnes of interests, merely my top choices include sea, ocean, beach, pink, blue, reading, drawing, poem, blending colours and all pretty things. I love writing, however I'm typically shy to say that I delight in poetry and song lyrics. Lesserafim, NewJeans, aespa and many other K-Pop songs are among songs I listen to. Furthermore, I enjoy watching horror, action, science fiction, fantasy, and psychological thriller movies, as well as anime and cartoons. My top picks are the wonderful flicks Legally Blonde, A Beautiful Mind, The Age of Adeline, Me Before You, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Dead Poet Society, The Virgin Suicides and Monster. I'm highly motivated by these movie. To be honest, I love asians movies the cinematics of every film always take my heart. Along with many other musicians, my favourite songs include those of Taylor Swift, Chase Atlantic, The Neighbourhood, Gracie Abrams, The Weekend, Novo Amor, One Ok Rock, Frank Ocean and Cigarettes After Sex. I can say in general that I am a fan of Taylor Shift, Chase Atlantic and The Neighbourhood. I love to listen to classical music during my free time when I'm stressed out since I find that it helps me fall asleep in the morning and evening.

I enjoy playing online games as well, however I tend to play Mobile Legend and Plato more.

Last but not least, I am a sleepyhead and moody, so I can easily run out of energy. Therefore, I apologize if I am often late in replying to your messages, I will try my best to respond to your messages promptly.

Please be aware that this account's owner is legitimate and that it has a large number of posts upon roleplayers, closed agencies, and WWW. Please skip whatever here that doesn't catch your attention. Lastly, my account is FUB free, Thank you.

[maxverstepponme]

off topic but i bought a lewis hamilton monster for the second time ever (just bcs im more of a redbull fan lol) and i just realised that it has his race number and his signature??!? like hello???? im fangirling so hard rn im gonna frame that shit somewhere idec. and the monster also tastes so good (coming from an energy drink addict) i will definitely be buying more (not an add but monster pls sponsor me 🙏🏻😊)

Am I the only one who genuinely likes Red Bull more than monster? 😭 the red one is 😩

[thebrokentale]

Prologue- Creature

The man’s legs buckled under him as he understood what he was looking at. The lines of death just kept piling up, as the monster pointed his hand toward him, large red lines all across his skin. 

People ran. Just earlier that day they were eating peacefully, happily talking to others as they played games, and winded down after a long day. But now… Now they ran. Ran for their quickly fleeting lives, running from the hand coming above the hill, blocking out the sun. They prayed. Prayed that there could be a god, any god, that could defeat this demon. But as the demon’s blood coagulated around their hand, they knew that even a god could not defeat a real demon. 

She laughed. He laughed. And the man who took the form of a woman laughed even harder. They all laughed at the pathetic sight in front of them. “I- I- I-” The woman underneath them stumbled out a response, as she was having trouble breathing, mainly from the gash in her side. 

Shakily, she at last managed to utter- “I- I- I- I’m…” It was as if her throat was vibrating, her breath so shaky and quivering that it sounded almost like a fan. “S- S- S- Sorry.” 

“Sorry?!” A man with blonde, almost gold hair had a voice of genuine confusion, his expression full of drunken confidence with a deadly smirk. “You’re sorry?! You should have apologized the second you laid down the first punch!” 

The quivering woman slowly continued to talk. “God… Please… It was…” The man called God shouted, his smirk just as wide. “It was what?!” Spit came out of his last word. 

“Now now, let’s not be too hard on her. S- Stupidity is just something she has to live with. It’s a heavy… Burden.” This smug but somewhat timid girl was called the Great Voice, and she had angelic white hair. 

“Hold on…” But the person who talked next was leagues above the other two. “If she wants to apologize, let her. I’d like to hear this.” He seemed nine feet tall to the woman on the ground, towering above her, even though his height was a little below average. 

“M- M- M- Matter-Head… Look… I…” The woman speaking was the God of Luck, Trey. Her green hair almost covered her bleeding head, but nothing could hide the large wound on her side. “I… Have a… Problem.” 

Matter-Head’s multi-colored eyes revealed his anger. “That much is obvious.” His orange hair glowed as he kneeled down to meet Trey’s eyes. 

“I- I just love to fight. And to test my element. You know how it works! I just… I- I- It’s exactly like gambling!” Trey was desperate. 

“Of course. Attempting to kill The God of Matter is just like gambling. Except when you gamble, there’s a chance you’ll win.” 

“W- With all due respect, there was a chance I’d win. I just got unlucky.” 

Matter-Head scowled. “Huh?” 

Trey quickly backtracked, and began to desperately speak in an increasingly high voice. “I- I- I was just joking! Just joking! Matter-Head, I would never dare to attack you! I simply lost my cool! I know I could never ever, ever beat you! You must forgive me! As she said, I am cursed by stupidity!” 

God and the Great Voice began to walk away, as Matter-Head’s grimace began to grow, his anger becoming visible. 

“Ah- A- Ah- A- You’re amazing! Truly incredible! Special and strong and courageous! Matter-Head, you know I worship and revere you! You know I understand you can never die! You are the one above all! The God of all Gods, the God of Matter, the one who created everything! You are number one!!” 

“But you don’t mean that.” 

Trey became consumed by the world-like orange energy being produced by Matter-Head, with her eyes being devoured by every color in existence. 

“You don’t really care. You don’t revere me. You hate me. Everyone hates me. No one will ever really worship me. I am not above anyone. He taught me that, all those years ago.” 

“P- P- Please… I… Love you…” 

“No. No you don’t. No one does. And no one will. I despise people who lie to themselves. Who lie to me. Show me… How you truly feel.” 

Trey was angry. Her rage moved through her as she tried her luck once again, every cell changing to a different number. I need all sevens. I have to beat him. I will beat him!

“Don’t lie to me anymore. This is a foregone conclusion. I just want to fast-forward. Take me to the end. I already know what will happen.” 

Every number in her cells flipped from one to seven, linking together to make one final number. She needed to win. She needed to score. Sister… Please help me! “You want the truth?! You want me to tell you the truth?!” 

“Yes.” 

Trey’s eyes began to flash like the changing of a slide in a projector. Her hair became more wild as her body glowed with yellow-green energy. “You’re filth! You’re trash! You’ll never amount to anything! No one… Will ever love you!!” 

“But I already told you that, didn’t I?” 

“If you know you’re horrible, why won’t you change?!” 

“Because Trey… You would never accept me, no matter what I do. What is the point of a book if you already know how it ends? Once things are set in stone, they can’t be changed.” 

Even though energy was pouring out of Trey like an earthquake, it couldn’t overtake the mountain coming out of Matter-Head. “I can’t…” 

“I’ll make you sleep now… Just like your mother. They loved her… But even if I brought her back… It wouldn’t change anything.” 

His orange skin glowed like the moon. 

“She would still be revered.” 

His eyes became homogenized, forming one color.

“I would still be hated.”

His teeth were as sharp as his heart. 

“And you would still be dead.” 

At that moment, Trey was struck down by a terrible blizzard, the cold stabbing her heart in an instant. She clutched it tightly as the frozen feeling overtook her. And slowly Matter-Head’s blistering hand came towards her, boils appearing on her skin like shingles. His body became the sun, his eyes became death, and his breath became holy lights, bursting in the frigid flame. Nothing would change. All would die. Trey felt the blood come out of her skin, as her soul cracked open like a watermelon. 

The three people walked out of the crumbling world around them, and began to move across the Hall of Worlds, Matter-Head in front of them. 

“Are you sure that was a good idea Matter-Head?” The Great Voice said this without the smugness she had earlier, revealing her true self. “Also, can I go back inside you? What if someone-”

“Relax. You’ll be fine. Besides, you’ve got to stretch your legs every once in a while.” 

“You look great, Lithian.” 

“T- Thank you.” The Great Voice turned to Matter-Head. “Seriously, are you sure that was alright? She was the daughter of Windfall.” 

“Lithian, you know what I’ve told you. It doesn’t matter what happens. My reputation will not change. If I killed an evil god, I still won’t be respected. If I killed an angel, then things would stay the same. I will always be hated. There will always be someone that wants to kill me. Even Zabbaninja, who has yet to make a move on me… I know he wants my death.” 

As the three walked forward, the gods and spirits that saw him ran away, or hid behind other obstructions, moving out of his way. 

“Witness the truth. The answer never changes. Nothing does.” 

“Alright alright.” God brought back his smirk. “Stop getting so moody.” 

“R- Right. I really shouldn’t dive into this. I’m a big sister. That’s right.” Matter-Head steeled himself, trying to attain his other persona again. 

“Right!”  

“Matter-Head… Who’d you kill this time?” Someone with a horribly threatening aura stood in front of Matter-Head. He had green hair and eyes, and was surprisingly small for such a terrifying voice and body. His name was Lima-Bean, and he was the God of War. 

“Lima… What are you doing here?” 

“I sensed your terrible energy, and had to see what you were doing. But of course, your only pass-time is murder.” 

“God, Great Voice, please leave. This is between us.” 

“Right.” 

“Ok.”

Now with just Matter-Head and Lima-Bean, they stared at each other. 

“You’ve always had a problem with me. Though I suppose I should have expected that.” 

“Matter-Head… Do you like killing?”

“No.” 

“So why is it all you do?!” Lima-Bean gritted his teeth. 

“It is NOT all I do. I only kill when necessary. This conversation is pointless. Get to the point. Are you here to fight me? To kill me? To insult me? What is the conclusion?” 

Then Lima smiled. “I want to see if I can freak you out enough to get an answer out of you.”

“What is the question?” 

Lima pointed at Matter-Head. “For centuries you’ve been plaguing us, and plaguing yourself. Why do you keep yourself alive? Why have you been going on for so long? Why don’t you do us and yourself a favor and commit suicide already!? Die Matter-Head! So both your hatred and your fear will die at the same time!! No one will reach a hand for you!! Sooner or later, you will lose everyone and everything you care about! So die! It’s what you need. It’s what you deserve!!” 

Matter-Head’s multi-colored eyes flickered for a moment. 

“I will not bow down to you.” 

He lifted his hand into the air. “I will keep on living. You have all forced me into a role I didn’t want. But you cannot force me to die. I will not die. Not for you. Not for anyone.”

“But why?! Why would you do something so horrible?!” 

“I don’t need to answer you. I don’t need to see you.” 

Rainbow energy flooded his arm, reaching out to his hand. 

“I’ll eliminate you with all I have.” 

“Do you not remember your red colored counterpart?! The one who lost every single thing they loved?! Who faced you all those years ago?!” Lima-Bean invoked the creature’s name, causing Matter-Head to freeze. All his energy dispersed at the same time, shocking him to his core. 

“N- N- No. You can’t…” Matter-Head tried to regain his confidence, yelling at Lima. “You can’t say his name!!” 

“Right now he’s a she, you prick.” 

“It doesn’t matter what she is!! You can’t… You can’t…” 

Lima smiled. “So it really does work. One mention and you get completely rattled. Did she really affect you that much?” 

“You can’t… You can’t say her name. She’ll be here. Watching us. She’s always watching…” 

“No offense pal, but I think she lost interest in you a long time ago.” 

“No… She still… Still wants me dead. I can feel it.” 

Lima-Bean was amazed. Matter-Head was panting, shaking, his hands full of tremors, and all from one name. “She lost everything. All from one mistake. I know you hate to make mistakes. So why don’t you go out with what you already have?” 

“I can’t… You won’t make me…” 

“Do you want to end up like her? A tool for murder and not much else? Eternally lonely, so full of guilt that you break like a band that’s been stretched too far? Do you want to lose your two measly friends? Do you want to live in torment? Do you want to be a demon, just like her?” 

“I won’t…” 

“Matter-Head!”

The sweating Matter-Head looked at Lima-Bean.

“Do you want to break?!” 

Lima-Bean continued, his green eyes radiating seriousness. “I would never dream of advocating for self-harm, but I honestly believe you’ll feel better! It’s useless to dredge on like you’ve been doing! Eventually, you WILL betray all you love. And after that, there will be no coming back. You’ll be worthless!! This is a fruitless venture!! You will be lesser, weaker!! A complete joke! Empty!! Do you seriously, actually want to be a hollow piece of plastic, only used to hold pens and pencils?!” 

But then Matter-Head looked like he was full of rage, orange energy surrounding him. “She… She didn’t die though. She kept going.” 

“But as a zombie!! A monster!!” 

“Doesn’t matter. She’s alive. Even after what she did.” 

“NO!! Don’t be ridiculous! She will never find happiness, no matter how long she roams this world!!”

“You don’t know that.” 

“SHE IS HOPELESS!! NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT FACT!! SHE IS HOLLOW, EMPTY!! NOTHING BUT A TOOL THAT SOMEHOW IS STILL GOING!! I’ll say it again; THIS IS A FRUITLESS VENTURE!! SHE IS ONLY DOOMING HERSELF TO ETERNAL SADNESS!! SHE WILL NEVER, EVER, FIND WHAT SHE IS LOOKING FOR!! AS WILL YOU, IF YOU CONTINUE THIS FOOLISHNESS!! DIE MATTER-HEAD, DIE!!” 

“YOU HAVE TO DIE!!” 

Why did she keep going? 

What is she looking for? 

Why… Why do you keep going when your whole psychology is that everyone hates you? What is moving you forward? 

Why won’t you die, Matter-Head? 

“Why won’t you die?” 

“You stupid fool. I won’t die…” 

“Because I don’t want to die!!” 

Eons ago, when Matter-Head first woke up, a deathly accident occurred after he made his first god. Someone… Something… Came through a portal to face him. It was so horrifying, so monstrous, that it completely transformed him. Through his fear, he created another god, this one he would later believe to be flawed, only made out of desperation. But this god successfully scared the creature away, though it did tell them that it would be back, hopeful that this world would contain what it was looking for. 

But after this, Matter-Head kept wondering; Why was it there? What did it want? And why did it reek so much of death? While the answers would all be revealed eventually, it still completely struck Matter-Head with horror, and he could never forget the energy he felt that day. 

A young woman held a hand to her head, her eyes deep in thought. She seemed to be surrounded by white energy, her eyes glittering the color as she stood there. She had long brown hair, with the same colored eyes. Another woman, older than her, stood behind her. She looked almost identical to the young woman, though she was taller and had stronger, angrier eyes. She had white strips in her brown hair, though she was too young for them to be natural. One of her eyes was white and foggy, the other brown. “What is it, little sis?” 

The younger woman answered with caution. “It’s the story grandma told us. You know, with the God of all Gods and the red demon.” 

“You mean Ba-” 

“Don’t say his name!” 

“R- Right, sorry.” 

The young woman then seemed to be in thought. “I don’t know why I’m seeing it now though.” 

The sister seemed confident. “Well I’m sure it has to do with our sacred duty.” 

The younger sister shook her head. “I’m not sure.” 

This response seemed to ignite a flame in the older sister. “You’re always not sure. You’re never sure about anything.” 

She seemed to grow in anger, wickedness coming out of her sharp words. “You’re way too cautious!! Why do you never listen to yourself?! For so long you’ve just been standing there! You are the one that’s destined to save us! So why do you just stand there, bitching around, constantly being ‘unsure’ and never getting off your ass?!” 

The younger sister just stood there, not saying anything. She then whispered, “I will do it. I promise.” 

The older sister continued, her body shaking with rage. “But when? When?! When will it be time?! When will you finally move?!” 

“Your sisters are suffering. Mom and dad are dying. Our grandparents have been consumed by themselves!! Our ancestors are already six feet underground!!”

“I am going blind, sis!” 

“When will you finally take action?!”

“When will you do what you’ve set out to do?!” “Why won’t you ever take a risk?!”

The younger sister, seemingly unfazed, began to move away from her enraged sister, angering her even more. 

“Don’t you dare walk away!!” 

She yelled at her, her screams filling the house. “I hate you!!” 

“I HATE YOU RAIGA!!!” 

Characters-

Matter-Head- The God of all Gods. He created the multiverse. Has few friends.

God- The God of the Law. Has become more irritable over time.

The Great Voice- A creature from another multiverse. Only Matter-Head and God know her entire story.

Lima-Bean- The God of War. Has a grudge against Matter-Head.

The Red Demon- Someone who once fought Matter-Head, ages ago.

Next Chapter- Crossroads

[yuzu-all-the-way]

Fantasy on Ice Makuhari 2022 Day 3 - Impressions

After a full day, I have finally processed what I've watched - FaOI Makuhari 2022 Day 3 - live broadcast.

From the previously released photos of Day 1, I had such high expectations to have sooo many camera-focused Yuzu moments - while that did not come true, the center-Yuzu shots we got were so endearing. I was smiling so hard from the campiness of it all, starting with the traditional FaOI introduction.

(It's going to be a long post, so read more below - media included).

Back when I was "learning" about who Yuzuru Hanyu is, I stumbled upon recordings of previous FaOI & other ice shows - I distinctively remember there was this one video where the announcer introduces Yuzu, and he starting jumping when the announcer goes "Yuzuru" - and lands on "Hanyu". I was never able to identify from which ice show that was - and while the intro music of FaOI was playing and moment for Yuzu got closer, I kept on thinking maybe he does it now. AND YUZU DID! "Yuzuru" *jumps* "Hanyu" *lands*. (Sound On)

I was smiling so hard. And then that camera-work. Thank you, Yuzu, for making even the people behind the screen feel seen (I haven't realized until now that the people watching the cinemas saw a huge Yuzu doing this.)

The whole J-Disco number was so fun to watch and in the panned out shots my eyes kept drifting towards Yuzu's spot - not necessarily because I was specifically looking for him, but because he seemed to put his heart and soul into that choreography, as always. He simply was more into it that everyone else. Oh, that MJ circle-moonwalk thingy at the beginning of Afternoon Parade ... so smooth, so cool.

The other skaters were all so fun to watch, but, not gonna lie, Nobu killed it with his Kinky Boots program. Kaori was such a joy to watch, Mai too with her killer 2Ts. Keiji, loved both his programs. What the hell was that Swan parody thing? How am I supposed to watch Notte Stellata now without flashbacks to this parody?!

Yuzu's Real Face! The moment I've been waiting for since the first pics dropped. That program is so wild and crazy and angsty and full of great moves and expression even though it's rough around the edges - but the beauty of it lies in its rawness. Not gonna lie, that water cup moment felt a bit underwhelming because he poured it on his hair instead of face, but it's okay, it was still iconic. (And what do you mean, Yuzu, that you had no idea what would happen when you poured water on you like that?? That us, poor fans, would simply nod along and move on from it?? You knew very well we'd go crazy!)

About the elements from the program - that besti squat is on equal footing if not above the casual spread eagle (for reference, here).

Yuzu's 3A is a monster jump and when performed with anger, it is the king of jumps. That pistol lunge, I so wish we'd seen it from the front and not the back (damn it, Asahi TV cameramen, do a better job). Once more I've been reminded that Yuzu has amazing spins.

That ending pose and the change in attitude - whiplash!!

I felt a change of energy from him when he came back for the finale - and noticed that there was no black bracelet on his right arm. I swear that everytime I saw that bare wrist I kept wondering why my gaze was drawn there. Turns out, Yuzu tossed his bracelet along with the infamous water cup, but all good - he found it afterwards, we have photo confirmation of that.

The finale, even with the bracelet-hiccup, was fun to watch - Kaori: a ray of sunshine - the artist's voice was so good and it was fun to watch the light choreography. Still, those feather things - they remind me of Furbies for some reason. Oh, and check this out: I swear I almost did one heart in return.

I did not want the show to end - but it ended in the best possible way: 4T3A2T1Lo1Lo1Lo (the loops with rippon arms -> they are now called Yuzu-fairy jumps).

Yuzu fist-bumping everyone, his cuteness when he did the heart arms with Elladj was killer. And, of course, the traditional ARIGATO GOZAIMASHITA! What an experience.

I am so looking forward to the next live broadcast and to the recorded ones as well. My first time watching FaOI and it paid off!

[anxiouspandatheatrekid]

✨Ranking of Black Friday songs✨

17- Monsters And Men (Reprise)

Rewatched Black Friday recently while this one is still good, I just feel like McNamara didn't need another song. The ending with the scream overlap is nice though!

16- Wiggly Jingle

Do I need to say anything about this one? I get it's meaning in the context of the show but I shit you not when I first watched Black Friday I was unsure if this one was meant ironic or not. I was a little scared the whole show was going to be like this at first. I don't really like the song itself but the choreography is great!

15- Monsters And Men

Haven't really gotten into this one yet, I realize that it's good but it's just not that catchy to me as of now. The ending is pretty great though.

14- Adore Me

Great acting on Lauren's part. A bit slow for my taste and short but ut was supposed to be longer so I get why they cut it. Also really funny ending. Love the choreography.

13- Califor.M.I.A

Always great when that song starts while your mom is around. Anyways. I like the energy of this one, while the letter part is a little long and I wish the "that's not how cameras work babe" part would have been included on the cast recording, it's still pretty good. Also relatable.

12- Wiggle

I was a little sad that Lauren didn't get any great songs in Black Friday, but I've come to like her songs quite a lot lately. Especially the dance break at the ending of this one is pretty cool. I am not a fan of the stylistic singing choices on Lauren's part if I'm honest but to give her credit the song is pretty much the lowest she has had to sing.

11- Deck The Halls

Really catchy and funny to watch if you've seen way too many Christmas/holiday movies, but I kinda dislike that the entire dialogue was kept on the cast recording. But sidenote, I love the fact that they included this movie so well in the show and also referenced it in NMT. A bop overall and even funnier because of how straight it is played.

10- Made In America

Yes I got into this song not so long ago but Joey is (I know I have said this way too many times on this list) low key terrifying. He did a great job though. Also I skip the Wiggly part because it still feels weird to me. Joey really flexed his wagon on fire muscles here.

9- If I Fail You

I feel like this one is very similar to What Tim Wants, not only because they are sung by the same character and are about the literal same topic, they're also quite similar in melody because the second part is a reprise. Either way, it's a good song (if not a little long). Also considering I love What Tim Wants, to me it gets considerably better when the melody transitions to the second part.

8- What Do You Say

Also a great song. That's it. A little slow but really cute and it has a well timed ending. All the group numbers have a special place in my heart because the cast is so fucking talented. Also this one is very funny too.

7- Our Doors Are Open

Also a little slow for my taste but I love that Corey had a chance to shine here. The more I listen to it the more I appreciate the song.

6- Black Friday

Jesus. There have been many different interpretations of this song, and I still like the overall "I'm going to die, fuck you all" vibe. And while it is about her near death experience and I relate to it for that I think everyone can relate to the hopeless feeling of having to give up before you even had the chance to try something. The song is sad as fuck.

5- Do You Want To Play?

At first I thought this one was boring but the harmonies... Besides the fact that the song deeply terrifies me, I have to say that the part where they suddenly start screaming/laughing (u know the part) is chilling and sounds amazing at the same time.

4- What If Tomorrow Comes

Overall this is a good finale and especially the ending gives me chills every time, but I feel like it repeats itself. Starkid finale songs tend to be very loud and dynamic, but in this case I feel like the seriousness of the show is matched better with a cautious song like this one.

3- Take Me Back

Also listen to this one on repeat. The actors' voices match well and this song has a strong emotional core and yes I have belted this when I was home alone.

2- Feast Or Famine

I mean the hunger games character of this one is just overwhelming. Honestly this song describes the whole show, and it's super fun to listen to.

1- What Tim Wants

I get this is a controversial opinion but this is 100% the best song. I feel like Dylan is great in this one and the relationship between Tim and Tom is delivered perfectly. Usually solos rank low on my lists by default because I like change within the songs and group harmonies and that stuff, which proves how great this song is even more. Love this one, no notes.

Do you agree? Love to chat about Black Friday so feel free to dm/comment!

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Oh, that’s a good answer, thank you. I never thought he wanted to flay El because of her powers, not kill her. It would indeed have been easy to kill her (just give Billy a gun, lol!). But at the same time , he said : "We’re going to end you, we’re going to end your friends, and then everyone"?

Yeah, or maybe it just wanted to finish "consuming" El. The Mindflayer creates his simulacrum bodies after capturing the real ones. They still seem to have a fragment of their own consciousness, though. Perhaps it's so he can effectively have them blend in with the rest of the town. They can't still be human bodies since they end up collapsing into goop when the Mindflayer decided to combine them all into that horrific amalgamation that attacked the cabin and the mall.

We don't know if Billy was a special case or not. He wasn't combined into the monster, and his body didn't visibly fall apart when he died.

The flayed in season 3 are essentially Juju Zombies, as mentioned in Will's campaign. The fact that D&D essentially predicted the events of the season again is more than a little coincidental, but we can ignore that for now. Juju Zombies are stronger than normal zombies, and they retain their consciousness. They partially exist on the Negative Energy Plane (the Upside Down). They have a resistance to fire, but are immune to cold, so their discomfort, but ability to function, in hot environments helped offset the Mindflayer's main weakness.

Juju Zombies can be created in several ways, including a Create Undead spell by a powerful spellcaster or using Energy Drain to fully drain a living creature. Both are necromantic in nature.

I think Energy Drain is what was happening here. In addition to bolstering its own life and power, the Mindflayer was able to subjugate its victims, creating Juju Zombies.

This leaves a matter as to what happens to the life energy of the victims. The tentacle creature writhing around after being removed from El before rejoining the amalgamation suggests it was able to partially perform an Energy Drain. How El will regain her powers is unknown. The effects of an Energy Drain are reversible in D&D, but can become permanent.

I think that the Mindflayer was able to use the collected life energy from its victims to become stronger. This may be how it is able to create a body (Vecna) to use in season 4. What of the consciousness of the victims, though? One of the season 4 films is Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. I'm not a big fan of the series, but I believe this is the one where Freddy reveals that he's been absorbing the souls of his victims, which made him stronger. If the Mindflayer is doing something like this, then it's reasonable to believe he would also get any powers the victim had. The more he consumes, the stronger he becomes (hence ending everyone).

As @strangertheory pointed out, the cosmos in D&D are broken down into different planes. This has been adapted into Stranger Things.

The Prime Material Plane would be the "real" world, while the Negative Material Plane (or Negative Energy Plane, Plane of Death) would be the Upside Down. It stands to reason that we may also see a Positive Material Plane (or Positive Energy Plane/Plane of Life). This is what gets me intrigued, as the life-giving energies of that plane could be a means to restore what the Mindflayer steals. It also may feed into the apparent duality that's been hinted at with the references David Harbour previous to twins or the number 2. As a necromancer draws power from the Negative Plane, a Good-aligned Cleric draws from the Positive Plane.

Now, I'm not saying that Will is going to be key to helping bring down the Mindflayer, but...

Well, who am I kidding. That's more or less what I'm saying here.

[amygdalagustd]

Kim Namjoon on Identity

Namjoon explores the concept of identity time and time again in his life and in his music. He tends to focus on how different parts of himself might be in conflict with each other, and the tensions and confusion that goes with that experience. People are filled with duality, sometimes to the point that it tears us apart. The question of ��who am I?” seems a simple one, but underneath it lies a lot of complexity. Who do I want to be? Who do other people want me to be? How much of my identity is formed by my past? Can I change who I am? Can I be multiple things at the same time? Who is the real me? What does it even mean to be the real me?

The question of “who am I?” seems to both fascinate and terrify Namjoon. In this essay we will tackle the question together as I explore all the different ways that Namjoon contemplates identity in lyrics and interviews.

From his decision to become a rapper in the first place to the struggle of taking care of himself as a world famous idol to the questioning of what having an identity actually means, we will travel through Namjoon’s career and highlight all the moments that he asks himself:

“Who the hell am I?”

It’s no secret that Namjoon was a very intelligent and driven student who got good grades in school. In his earlier lyrics he often writes about the pressure that was put on him to succeed and follow a certain path in life. As someone who was good at studying it was expected of him to prioritize his education above all else. Namjoon fit into that role well, but behind the scenes his heart was longing for music. He discovered rap and decided that he wanted a different path for his life. BTS’s early work is filled with messages of following your dreams and not letting other people decide what type of life you want to live. Namjoon often talked about the struggles of living in between the expectations of those around him and his own desires for his future. Some of those conflicting feelings are expressed in Voice, the intro song to his 2015 mixtape RM:

Straight A student and underground rapper

I occupied myself all day with being graded with meaningless numbers like beef gets graded

I just wanted to succeed

because that’s the only thing I was told by others so much that I almost got sick of it

The mirage called happiness- I thought it would be held there

But, sitting at my desk, I was never happy, not for a single moment

I secretly hid a blank sheet of paper between the pages of my study book without my mom’s knowing

My identity that I wrote down along the sound of drums and bass

The feeling of breathing that is different from that of receiving grade reports

Even when I was the top of my class, my mind was never at ease

Is it absolutely necessary to want something that others want?

I secretly raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

I again raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

He also touches on the subject in Born Singer, which was released in 2013:

To be honest, I was scared that I was to prove myself after talking big

that I, who used to know only pen and book, was then to surprise the world

I dunno, that I and the world’s expectations are too asymmetric,

I was scared that I might betray everyone who trusted me

I stretch my burdened shoulders and step onto the very first stage

BTS and Namjoon will continue to talk about the pressure of society's expectations and the difficulty of following your own path in songs like No More Dream, N.O and School of Tears. Fighting back against the oppressive school system is a huge part of their message and mission in their early career. They ask their fans and themselves to look at the person that they are expected to become and question if that image is in line with their own dreams and desires. Namjoon wrestled with this question himself, and therefore has the experience and passion to guide others who might be struggling with their identity and the identity that is put on them.

Idol and artist

The concept of being an idol vs being an artist is one that comes back often in BTS lyrics. Namjoon is an underground rapper who ended up in a boyband, and the identity of being an idol is one that he has wrestled with quite a bit. Can you be both an idol and an artist? Does becoming an idol mean that you have to give up on being an artist? Does it matter if you call yourself an idol or an artist? Does it matter what other people say about it?

Namjoon mentions this conflicting identity in Awakening on his 2015 mixtape RM:

Every night I fight myself inside me

My heart pounds, and my colleagues stab me in the back

saying I became a cripple after going into a company

Yeah fuck you I’m an idol, yeah yeah i’m an idol

I hated it at one time but now I love to get that title

Unlike some keep denying [their identity] to the end on television,

I now fully accept myself, and I just do me

Whether I’m an idol or an artist- it actually never mattered

The way you guys look at me was what defined me

I was obsessed over titles and hung up on how people described me

Listen to the rap of the guy who became a bit smarter as time passed

Namjoon gets shit for being an idol from the underground rap scene and gets shit for being an artist from the idol scene. He is hovering in between, writing his rap lyrics with the power and authenticity of a hip hop artist while simultaneously dancing and looking like a full fledged boyband member. He responds to this dilemma with unwavering pride, the drive to prove himself and a fuck you attitude. This energy dominates a lot of early BTS music. They are still trying to find their place in the industry while not really knowing where exactly they belong. Songs like the Cyphers and Mic Drop highlight the anger they feel about the mistreatment they face from both sides of the industry while boasting about their accomplishments and pride in who they are. Just like Namjoon in Awakening, Yoongi also often mentions his struggles with the identity of being an idol in his solo work. In Idol, the title track of the 2018 album Love Yourself: Answer, BTS face the subject head on:

You can call me artist

You can call me idol

Or you can call me anything else

I don’t care

I’m proud of it

I’m free

No more irony

Because I’ve been me all the time

You can point your fingers at me, I don’t care at all

Whatever reason you have to denigrate me,

I know what I am

I know what I want

I never gon’ change

I never gon’ trade

Why do you talk loud “blah blah”

I do what I do, so mind your own business

You can’t stop me loving’ myself

Idol is a proud, joyful, wonderfully weird and confident self love anthem. It’s a celebration of who BTS are at their core. In the song, they have accepted all the different aspects of their identity and they don’t feel the need to fit in with just one label. In the future, they will go on to say that BTS’s genre is just BTS, and they see no point in categorizing themselves.

RM and Namjoon

In 2018, BTS released a documentary series called Burn The Stage. The series followed them throughout the Wings tour and was supposed to show a more raw version of them.

In episode 6, Namjoon said:

Being an idol star, you don’t have a choice but to have two identities. I invested a lot in my identity as BTS and RM, and this is really a dilemma. We need to find ways to overcome this, and I’m trying different things. I study, I read books. I need time to be wholly me, the original me that I know.

Everyone in BTS has a stage name, a person they become when they present themselves in front of their fans. On stage Namjoon is RM, a fierce and confident rapper, a powerful and charming performer, a dependable leader and someone who lives a fiery and intense life.

Behind the scenes, Namjoon is Namjoon, a man in his twenties who is trying to figure out how to be an adult just like everyone else. He likes to go on bike rides, take care of plants, go to museums, read books and spend time in nature. He gets lazy and reads webtunes for 5 hours straight and sometimes argues with the people around him because they annoy him.

Namjoon spends the years of his youth as part of BTS, in the public eye, and sometimes that causes tension between these different parts of himself; the stage persona and the private person. In Break The Silence: The Movie which came out in 2020, there was a lot of talk about identity. During one of Namjoon’s segments he said:

There is also the fear of how well I’m taking care of myself, the Kim Namjoon as a person. Aside from money, fame, and a sense of calling, what do I really have? When you have those things all other things start to feel really valuable. Those who don’t have them would find them really special. I think it’s a repetition of that, so for me, there is a fear about whether I’m faithfully living the story of my life to the fullest.

He also mentions this dilemma in Airplane pt.2 on the 2018 album Love Yourself: Tear where the lyrics go:

Who should I live as today, Kim Namjoon or RM?

25, I still don’t know how to live well

For Namjoon and anyone in BTS, there is no simple answer to this question, as the nature of their job puts them in a position that makes it hard for them to develop a sense of self outside of the work they are doing. Even though Namjoon is part of an incredibly successful band, that doesn't mean he got it all figured out. As he has poured his youth and his energy into becoming the best performer he can be, he now feels like the Kim Namjoon behind the scenes deserves some energy and space to exist too.

Rap Monster and RM

Before Namjoon was RM, Namjoon was Rap Monster, a stage name that he used until November of 2017. The name Rap Monster fits the fierce and somewhat angst-ridden style of music that Namjoon was making in the beginning of his career. He decided to move on from the name in 2017 because it was no longer representative of him and the music that he was making.

In an interview with Entertainment Tonight Namjoon said that RM could stand for many things. He mentioned Real Me as one of the possibilities, but seems to prefer not to pin one specific meaning to the name.

In another interview with J-14 Magazine when asked what kind of advice he would give to himself in 2013, he said:

Hey Namjoon, Don’t name yourself Rap Monster. You’re a human. You’re not a monster. You’re a beautiful human.

Namjoon has often said that one of his missions in life is to love himself. This struggle to love himself often reflects in his lyrics, and now also in his decision to change his stage name, as the old one had some negative connotations to it. Perhaps Namjoons struggle with self acceptance, self worth and self love is one of the reasons that identity is such a big theme for him, as he is trying to figure out how to be a Namjoon that he can love. RM is a stage name that is more aligned with that goal as it leaves more room for flexibility and change.

Map of the Soul

The subject of identity is explored to the fullest in the Map of the Soul era that started with Map of the Soul: Persona in 2019, followed up by Map of the Soul: 7 in 2020.

Map of the Soul is inspired by the ideas of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung. The words persona, shadow and ego that are used in Map of the Soul come directly from his theory. BTS uses these concepts to examine different parts of themselves and their career over time. A lot of this era feels like a final examination of the question that Namjoon has been asking himself in different ways throughout his entire career: Who am I?

In Intro: Persona, the opener to both albums, Namjoon writes about his journey with identity in the first few lines of the song:

“Who am I,” a question that I’ve been asking myself for my whole life

A question that I will probably never be able to find the right answer for

If I were answerable with only a few words,

God wouldn’t have created all those many beauties

Namjoon realizes that he will probably never have a clear answer to the question of “who am I?” and he accepts that. He recognizes that his identity can’t be summed up by a few words or traits and that this isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it can feel more secure to build our entire sense of identity around one aspect of ourselves (I am a straight A student, I am an underground rapper) but that puts us in a position without flexibility and without space for growth. As different parts of ourselves clash with each other we end up feeling scattered, unsure of who we are, and angry at ourselves. It’s only when those different parts of ourselves are allowed to co-exist that we can find peace and a true sense of self.

BTS will talk about this idea in other songs too, like in Idol, where Taehyung sings:

There are tens and hundreds of myself within me

Today, I greet my another self

They are all me after all,

so I just run rather than worrying

The notion also comes back in the speech that BTS held for the United Nations in 2018. The final message of that speech was to find your name and find your voice by speaking yourself. There was a lot of talk about losing your identity as a young child in favor of fitting in, and Namjoon encouraged everyone to be their own person and to find their own voice back. Throughout the speech he mentions how he is both an idol and artist, Kim Namjoon and RM, and also just an ordinary 24 year old guy. He is saying that he can be many things at once and strives to love all those different parts of himself at the same time.

In the final verses of Intro: Persona, Namjoon boldly and confidently claims that he is no longer ashamed of the different parts inside of him, writing:

Yeah my name is R

The ‘me’ who I remember and who people know

The ‘me’ who I created by myself to speak my mind

Yeah, I might have been deceiving myself, I might have been lying

But, I’m not ashamed of it, this is the map of my soul

The lyrics continue, focusing on duality, complexity and balance within his identity, accepting the different parts of himself that coexist together even if they clash:

Dear myself

You must never lose your temperature

because you don’t need to be warm or cold

Though I might sometimes pretend I’m good and sometimes pretend I’m evil,

this is the barometer of my direction that I want to set

The ‘me’ who I want to be

The ‘me’ who people want

The ‘me’ who you love

And the ‘me’ who I craft

The ‘me’ who’s smiling

The ‘me’ who’s crying sometimes

Living and breathing every second, every moment, even now

Within these lyrics there is a tone of direction and intent rather than one of being lost and questioning. This tone is very strong throughout the entire Map of the Soul concept, especially in ON, suggesting that maybe “finding” your identity isn’t about anxiously defining every single part of your personality, it’s more about choosing who you want to be and boldly pursuing the world as an incomplete human being. In the end, there is no simple answer to the question of “who am I?” and that’s okay.

All lyrics translations come from Doolset. Visit the website for additional notes and interpretations of BTS lyrics.