#i got my caffeine fix for the first time in like a week

[whimsyfinny]

Fix Your Attitude

Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Summary: (Y/n) is just like an other woman trying to function in this fucked up world - and she's starts her day with coffee. At least that was always the plan until Dean interfered.

Warnings: Language, Smut, Fingering, PinV, slightly Dom! Dean, and if you squint there's maybe possessive/jealous Dean

MDNI! 18+

Word Count: 4470

A/N: So this is technically my first ever one shot! Woop! I've written this as part of my competition from a few weeks back, and this is for the wonderful winner @spookyysinsanity ! Hope you enjoyyy.

“Seriously, Dean? What the actual fuck!?” The audacity of the older Winchester brother had me throwing my hands up in frustration, my irritable tone bouncing off the walls in the kitchen and landing on ears that couldn’t possibly care any less.

“Should’ve got here sooner, sweetheart. You know how it is; first come first serve,” he tauntingly raised his coffee mug to my dishevelled figure standing over the empty coffee pot. The lack of caffeinated bean-water had brought a panic-sweat to my temples, knowing all too well how things would pan out if I didn’t get what I needed.

“How many cups have you had?”

“What?” He blinked frustratingly slowly - he knew what I’d asked.

“Jerk - I said ‘how many cups have you had’?”

“Hmmm…” he tapped his finger against the side of the mug, lips pursing over feigned thoughts.

“DEAN.”

“Maybe… three?” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly - although the nonchalant bubble popped when a sly smirk slipped through the cracks. My mouth opened and closed a few times, words forming and disappearing too rapidly through my mind to even make it past my lips as desperation sizzled into rage.

“You DICK!”

“Hey don’t yell at me - just make another pot,” he held his hands up defensively.

My eyes flitted over to the empty tin on the side - an empty tin left tauntingly in plain sight.

“You know damn well I can’t do that! We’re out of coffee, totally out. Zilch. Nothing. Empty.”

“Well,” he lifted his mug to his lips, “not totally empty.”

“What do you- oh…OH,” I felt my razor sharp glare zero in on the mug at his lips - there had to be at least half a cup in there with how little he had to tilt it up before taking a gulp. I took a step forward and jabbed my finger towards the prize.

“Give me that.”

He offered me nothing but raised eyebrows and a loud slurp.

“Dean.”

Again, silence only echoed back, however my frustration towards him started to buzz in my head as he slowly lowered the mug to unveil a slap-worthy grin.

“DEAN.”

He gently placed the mug on the table and turned to me, large arms crossing over his broad chest as he settled in his chair, thighs spreading wide for comfort.

“Wow, I thought I was grouchy in the mornings before coffee but damn, sweetheart you’re really claiming first place with that one.”

I took a step closer, my eyes practically burning a hole in the cup next to him on the table. His grin widened as he noticed me stalking forwards, like a predator ready to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. However my prey was incredibly suspecting and, in all honesty, not really prey at all. My bare feet padded quietly towards him, each tentative step raising more suspicion in Dean as my desperation for caffeine became all-consuming and my honed hunting skills became sloppy. I gave myself away when I tore my gaze from the mug and glanced over at Dean, catching his amused smirk and playful eyes before I lunged forward, hands grasping at air where the liquid-treasure should have been. Spinning on my heel after almost colliding with the table I turned to face Dean, now standing a few steps behind me with one hand wrapped around the ceramic and the other dipping lazily into the pocket of his jeans.

“Come on darlin’ you’re better than that.”

“Fuck you.”

A low whistle floated in the air between us before he tutted at me, shaking his head slowly.

“So mean.”

“Says you!”

“Hey I got here first - I'm the victim here. You're the one trying to rob me.”

“Don't play that game - you are not the victim here. All of your bullshit has been calculated,” I narrowed my eyes up at him as he traced his tongue over his bottom lip.

“Maybe it has been. Not much you can do about it now though is there?” His eyes glinted like the tricksters before he took another gulp of his coffee. I could feel my palms growing sweaty in apprehension, knowing all too well that the coffee level was dropping inside that cup.

Time to try a different approach. Something more… tactical.

“You know…” I pulled a lock of hair between my fingers, twirling it around, “you're my favourite Winchester.”

I paused and he raised his eyebrows, suspecting yet silently urging for more.

“Sam is just so nice and tall but…” I quietly stepped towards him, inwardly cheering when he made no attempt to move away.

“But?”

“But I mean look at you, so ruggedly handsome… and with that authentic ‘tough guy’ personality to make all the ladies swoon. And don't even get me started on these broad shoulders and big arms of yours…” I padded around him, tracing a single finger delicately up one arm, over the back of his shoulders and down the other arm. I almost missed the small shiver that ghosted over his skin and raised the hairs on his exposed forearms.

“Oh, so you like what you see?” He raised an eyebrow, his voice subtly dropping to a deeper tone.

I chewed my bottom lip slightly before stopping in front of him, a hair's breadth away. From here I could smell the masculine scent of his cologne - the same one I'd only ever known him to wear - and the subtle, intoxicating scent of leather and gunpowder. Combined, those three items were the very essence of Dean, the warmth of it all clinging to his clothes and practically seeping from his pores. I couldn't stop myself from taking a deep breath and letting the hypnotic scent travel straight to my brain. He’d always smelt divine, but I was never going to give him the satisfactory access to that information.

Upon tilting my head up to lock eyes with him, I could feel his coffee-scented breath fan over my face, the smell of what I wanted most almost making my mouth water. I couldn't let myself become enveloped in the addictive haze around him - I needed to remember what I was here for without letting myself become distracted.

Evergreen eyes flitted between mine, unsure of my next move. But the more I looked into them, the more dilated his pupils became. I couldn't help but grin a little to myself, relishing in his reaction.

“Come on Dean, just hand over the coffee. I know deep down that you really want to…”

He hummed, the sound a little gravelly as it emanated from his chest.

“You see sweetheart,” he smirked a little as he gripped the mug, lifting it to his lips. The action immediately caused me to take an urgent step forwards, a part of me truly believing that he would drain the cup right there and then. He must've seen the panic jolt through me as he released a small, breathy laugh.

“I see what?”

“You see… I don't think it's coffee that you need to stop being such a bitch in the morning.”

My eyes immediately narrowed towards him at his choice of words. He can make it so easy to look past his good looks when he acts like such an ass.

“What the actual fuck does that mean?”

“Oh I think you know what it means.”

“Fuck you, Dean.”

“If you want.”

“Go to- wait what?” I felt my heart leap in my chest, my mind unsure if I wanted to have heard him correctly.

His smirk spread across his face as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his mossy green gaze dragging over my figure as though I were totally naked.

“You heard me,” he took a step forward, his boots heavy on the hard kitchen floor. My cheeks burned, and I wasn't sure if it was from whatever scandalous thoughts of him I'd pushed to the back of my mind that I never intended to humour, or the rage bubbling to the surface at the sheer audacity from him, thinking I'd just accept this sort of shitty attitude.

“You’re crazy if you think that I’d let you in my pants,” the bewilderment in my voice was evident, and so was the growing frustration. This conversation had taken a wild turn and it’s safe to say that I didn’t like the direction it was headed. It was a rocky path of buried desires and a cocky male ego - a male ego that somehow knew what buttons to press to get my temper sizzling.

“Oh but sweetheart I could make it so good…” his voice was like caramel, becoming harder to ignore as he took another step forward, backing me into the table. I swallowed the almost nervous lump that had started to form in my throat, my heart rate quickening with every second he looked at me with those darkening eyes.

“And why would you want to do that?” I did well at hiding the slight nervous wobble in my voice. He chuckled slightly before breaking eye contact and looking down at his boots, thinking for a moment before shooting his eyes back to me, his intense gaze burning into mine.

“Because for once, I’d love to see that smart mouth of yours moan my name.”

I couldn’t stop that small gasp that escaped between my parted lips at his sudden bold statement, and that small gasp seemed to be all that it took to invite Dean in. In one fluid movement he drained the remainder of the coffee into his mouth and took a final step forward, closing the gap between us and wrapped a single strong arm around my waist, pulling me firmly against his body. His other hand quickly discarded the mug before grasping my face, his thumb pushing into my cheek and urging me to open my mouth. Before I was able to conjure a single thought he’d pulled my mouth to his, his plush lips covering mine before transferring that mouthful of coffee over to me. My eyes widened at the sudden appearance of warm liquid gliding over my tongue, the flavour of coffee, sweetened with sugar, would have soothed my senses if it wasn’t for the way it was administered. I hurriedly swallowed it down, not caring for the trickle that escaped the corner of my lips, now more preoccupied with Dean Winchesters mouth pressing onto mine. He allowed one… two… three heated kisses before pulling away, leaving me gasping and gripping the edge of the table for dear life. As he pulled away, he released his grip on my jaw, spotting the trickle of coffee and catching the droplets with his thumb. I didn’t intend to dwell on the action too much, at least not until he pushed his coffee-coated thumb past my lips and into my mouth, pressing lightly on my tongue. Still taken aback by the kiss, I stared up at him dumbly, my mind simultaneously racing whilst emptying itself of all logical thoughts. On instinct, I licked the coffee from his thumb, hearing a gruff hum of approval from him.

“Look at you - quiet for once.”

Before I could retaliate to his comment he pulled his thumb from my mouth and grasped my jaw again, a little softer this time as he guided my face to his. His lips grazed mine as he spoke.

“Have you finished acting like a bitch?”

I nodded.

“Are you sure? Because I think I should fuck you on this table here - just to be sure.”

The involuntary shiver that shimmied down my spine gave my innermost thoughts away when Dean noticed it; another smirk gracing his lips as he pulled himself between my knees and grasped under my thighs to lift me onto the table. I hissed slightly as the cold surface bit at my bare rear, the oversized Metallica t-shirt doing nothing to shield me as it rode up on my hips. There was a short moment, like a breath taken and held as we paused to look at each other. His eyes darkened like a forest at dusk, piercing into my own before studying my lips. I found myself doing the same to him, watching how his gaze darted up and down, frantic to find a focal point on my face whilst his lips parted, tongue poking out to wet them. We shared each other's hot coffee-scented breath, my heartbeat starting to echo in my ears as my blood began to run hot at the thought of him taking me right here on this table. He chewed slightly on his bottom lip, the fantasies of my own prurient mind running rampant at what that mouth was capable of doing to me. What I undeniably wanted it to do to me. Before another thought appeared he hastily leaned in and planted a searing kiss on my neck, his stubble tickling my ear whilst one large, strong hand planted itself just below my shoulder blades; his whole arm crushing me against him. Everything he did made me want to purr. His lips exceeded expectations as he kissed red-hot paths up and down my neck; my skin prickling when he pressed his lips below my ear and jaw, pulling pathetic whimpers from my lungs. He kneaded the silky-soft flesh of my thigh with his other hand, eventually causing me to gently hook my legs around him to ease the desperate need to writhe at his every touch.

“Dean…” his name left my lips as an airy gasp when the hand on my thigh travelled up, his thumb hooking under the waistband of my panties.

“What happened to that big, tough girl persona? Can’t really take it huh?” His taunting words went straight to my brain when he spoke them with his lips pressed right to my ear.

“Fuck, Dean… I hate you.”

He chuckled, placing a kiss on my cheek before uttering over my lips:

“Of course you do, sweetheart.”

As his sentence ceased as his mouth claimed mine, muffling the moan bubbling in my throat as his tongue pushed against my own. I reached one hand up to tug on his hair, dragging my nails across his scalp when the strands at the base of his skull were too short to grasp. He groaned into the kiss, lips moving faster at the sensation of my fingertips. His broad chest became a resting spot for my other hand, the taught muscle flexing beneath soft skin as I glided my delicate fingers up to clutch his shoulder. It was like being in a trance; the only thing I was capable of thinking about was him. Dean. The strength of his hand on my back contrasting the tenderness of the one on my thigh. The heat of his mouth, his tongue on mine, consuming my gasps and ragged breaths. His devouring reduced me to naught but lustful putty in his arms, especially when an assured hand slid from my hip to my ribs and a gentle thumb smoothed over the softness of the underside of my breast. The feather-light touch caused goosebumps to erupt on my skin, the warmth of his palm doing nothing to soothe them away. When a groan passed my lips at his actions, he gripped tighter, my legs instinctively pulling him closer. This time it was Dean that groaned, as pulling him towards me had pressed the ever-growing bulge in his jeans against the soft cotton of my panties. The sensation was electric, igniting the fiery ache between my legs as my thighs twitched when he didn't pull away - instead pushing himself against me harder. I sucked in a breath where I could, his lips refusing to leave mine, even to let me breathe. He was hungry. Animalistic. Dominating. I don't know what I'd been imagining when I was alone in my room in the depths of night, but this… this was something I'd never fantasised about. How commanding he was, how he pulled me in with stern words and an air of authority. Gone was the boyish charm and playful pickup lines - this was something that could easily suck me in and pull me under. He could drown me in sharp comments and tantalising games.

And I would let him.

“Look at you, twitching like a virgin,” he pulled away enough to huskily speak against the corner of my mouth. I moaned slightly, biting my lip when his thumb moved from the underside of my breast to my nipple, delicately toying with the perky skin.

“Who's to say I'm not?” My voice was more breathy than I'd anticipated, my head lolling back when he started to trail kisses down my neck again. My comment pulled a laugh from his chest, the sound almost cutting through the sexual haze.

“Oh darlin’, don't think I don't know about your motel room escapades - I was always in the room next to yours,” he finally pulled back slightly to look at me, the cool air flooding between us in his absence. As my eyes met his, my heart hammered in my chest at the raw blackness of his irises - pupils blown wide with hot arousal and leaving no soft greens in sight. I could feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment, realisation creeping in. Dean took it all in with a grin on his lips.

“That's right sweetheart - I heard it all. Every little noise you made when those jerk-offs touched you. When they tried to make you feel good,” his smile faltered slightly before he leaned in a little closer, “but you know, I never heard any of them make you cum. I only ever heard you finish when they were gone and you were all alone.”

He pressed more of those red-hot kisses just below my jaw, the hand on my breast descending, trailing a path down the soft skin of my abdomen before disappearing down the front of my panties. A moan tore from my throat when he slid his skilled fingers through my folds to gather my pooling wetness, his hum of approval ringing in my ears when my mind emptied at his fingers tracing circles around my clit. My grip on him was vice-like, whimpers already tumbling off my tongue.

“You know (Y/n), you should've just come to me. You should've told those useless bastards to fuck off and let me do everything you needed me to do,” his breath was hot against my neck as he spoke, and he finished his sentence off by finally pressing a rough finger against my clit. I whined like a bitch in heat as he went around and around and around, making me clench around nothing and crave him in his entirety.

“I would've done this to you every night - made you forget everything but my name.”

“Dean…”

“Thas’right sweetheart. Never would've left you unsatisfied.”

“Please, Dean… please… I need you to fuck me,” my words were desperate and I could tell he relished in that, suddenly plunging two thick digits inside me without so much as a word. My hands flew to his back, nails digging into broad muscle as I leaned into him, burying my flushed face into his neck and breathing in his intoxicating scent. He curled his fingers up and pushed against the pleasure-cushion inside me, knowing exactly what to look for and what to do with it. My legs tightened even more around him as I was unable to stop the euphoric twitches jolting through my limbs. He removed his hand that was pressed below my shoulder blades and lifted it to my hair, unclipping the claw-grip to let the unruliness tumble out. He practically chucked the plastic clip to the table before threading his fingers through my hair, grasping close to my scalp before tugging my head back to make me look at him.

“Now that you've dropped your attitude and asked nicely, I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk.”

He pressed his fingers inside me one final time, drawing another pathetic whimper from my lips before pulling his fingers out and lifting them to his lips. I watched, mouth agape and breaths ragged as he licked my slick from his digits, savouring the taste of me with a satisfied groan.

“That’s the best shit I’ve ever tasted,” his deep, gravelly tone had me reaching desperately for his belt buckle as Dean claimed my mouth again, his own eagerness starting to show. As I finished unzipping his jeans I pushed them down his hips just enough to dip my hand into his boxers and pull his cock free. A deep moan pushed its way into my mouth as I curled my fingers around his length, his size already intimidating as his cock rested hot and heavy in my palm. I wasted no time on gripping him tight, starting gentle motions going up and down again, and again, and again, causing Dean to move both hands to my thighs - his grip on me threatening to leave bruises. I dragged my thumb over his tip, urging a blissful shudder to surge through him as I smeared the gathering precum up and down his length. His lips never once left mine. I could feel him becoming breathless as I slowly increased the speed of my hand, so I caught his bottom lip between my teeth as a means to pull away for a moment. As I breathed in his contented groan, I pulled back slightly further to get a look at his face.

“Dean… Dean please - I need you inside me-”

“Stop fucking around then and c’mere.”

I squeaked a little at his harsh tone, unable to stop the next words from tumbling out.

“Yessir.”

I watched his brows knit together and his eyes almost roll before he dropped his head to my neck, grabbing the underside of my thighs and dragging me right to the edge of the table. With one hand he grabbed his cock and used it to move my underwear to one side before lining up and sinking in. The lascivious moans that spilled from our lips were almost harmonious, Dean pushing in to the hilt and forcing me to wrap one arm around his neck and the other to prop me up behind me - both stopping me from losing my balance under Deans intensity. Dean looked as though he was getting lost in a sexual haze as he crushed me against him again with one arm, having the decency to remain still for a few moments so I could adjust to his size as he eye-wateringly stretched out my insides - the sensation almost burning.

“Jesus- fuck-” his breath was slightly strained as he groaned into my neck, “now I’m mad that you decided to fuck lonely jerk-offs instead of me - with a pussy like this- shit- I would’ve been crawling back for more.”

He started to move slowly, pulling out gently before slipping back in - easing me into it with sexual expertise.

“Oh fuck- Dean- you don’t mean that-”

“(Y/n) you’d have to shoot me to stop me - you feel too fucking good.”

He started to up the tension - dropping every ounce of softness as he lost control of that part of him. He fucked the same way that he hunted monsters: raw, skilful and always in control - my mind racing with the knowledge of how dangerous this man actually was. He was Dean fucking Winchester, and here he was - fucking me over the breakfast table whilst I wore nothing but a band t-shirt. As he pounded into me and the intensity grew I was unable to stop the lewd noises tumbling from my lips. Such lewd noises however seemed to spur Dean on, the power of his thighs and hips inching the heavy wooden table across the floor.

“How are you still so fucking tight-” his words were almost slurred, his sexually inebriated mind seemingly becoming obsessed.

“Shit- Dean, I’m getting close already,” my eyes squeezed shut as I began to feel that familiar knot in the depths of my core. With every thrust he dragged over every over-sensitive nerve ending, unravelling me quicker than I’d even been unravelled before.

“Oh yeah? You wanna cum?”

I nodded my head vigorously, loose strands of hair falling around my face as tears started to well in my eyes. Dean glanced down at me without so much as a stutter in his hips, a slight grin playing on his lips even in a moment like this.

“Tears?”

“Fuck-fuck- you Dean, it's not my f-fault you're the first one to fuck me properly- oh God-”

“Well I'm glad it was me sweetheart,” he tried to keep up the slightly playful tone but I could see in his eyes that he was on the brink as well. Without another word he moved one hand to push lightly on my lower belly, his thumb dipping down to rub soft circles over that oh-so-sensitive bundle of nerves. I gasped at the contact, Dean taking the opportunity to plant uncharacteristically soft kisses on my parted lips before whispering:

“I need you to cum for me - I need you to let go. I've got you darlin’.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The circles drawn with his thumb increased in speed and as did the pounding of his hips against mine.

“Dean- Dean please-”

I could feel him winding that knot tighter, and tighter, and tighter; lifting the euphoria coursing through my veins to its highest peak before the white-hot heat of orgasmic bliss erupted inside me. Wave after wave after wave of pleasure cascaded down, drowning me in the most earth shattering climax I'd ever experienced. I could feel myself tightening repeatedly around Dean, his thrusts becoming frantic before his own release rolled through him.

“Oh Fuck- (Y/n)-”

His guttural groan into the crook of my neck sent a shiver down my spine and goosebumps across my skin, the sound of him cumming making me clench even tighter around him.

“You squeeze me any tighter darlin’ and you're gonna kill me,”

“I-I’m not- I mean- I'm sorry?”

He groaned again when I twitched slightly, this time he pulled back to look me in the eye, taking note of the drying tear-tracks and smudged mascara.

“You good?”

“Y-yeah, I'm good,” I huffed out a deep, contented sigh, "I am so, so good.”

He grinned, the assertiveness from earlier seeming to dissipate and the good ‘ol Dean was returning.

“Best you've ever had?” His green eyes twinkled mischievously.

I playfully slapped his shoulder, not impacting the smirk on his lips whatsoever.

“Easy there cowboy - if your ego gets any bigger there'll be no living with you.”

“You didn't answer my question.”

I chewed on my bottom lip slightly, making him wait a little for the answer before I replied with a grin of my own.

“Yeah, definitely the best I've ever had.”

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Taglist: @roseblue373 @hobby27 @calibootsgirl @suckitands33 @jackles010378 @lyarr24 @autistic-gothic @wattpaduser200

[eyesofshan-if]

a genuinely unhinged personal update

hello everyone!! wow, pengu's come back from the dead!! wow, pengu was alive this whole time!! yes, but not really. most important question first - is eos abandoned!! it was (temporarily), but i'm back to work on it now. to tldr the past three months, i got a full time internship and am currently juggling it with a part time tutoring job, as well as full time university! not to mention that it is my final year, so i have a capstone project i need to complete as well. so, due to circumstances that were well within my control, i've plunged into a severe case of debilating burnout regarding writing (and many other things in general). not that i didn't want to update all of you, but i genuinely couldn't find the energy to conjure words. and maybe in a sense i was afraid or ashamed for the extended and sudden silence. still, it was irresponsible of me, and i'm really very sorry for that.

so why come back now? i would like to say that i have discovered the secret to living 48 hours in a day or substituting sleep with raw unfiltered caffeine, but unfortunately all i did was get some sort of sickness that took me out of work for about a week or so. and during the week the joy i had for writing suddenly sparked in me, and hence i have returned (for now).

i just wanted to let everyone know that i am not dead and that eos is still not abandoned, but updates will be extremely slow (at least until the end of this year). i'm sorry for making everyone worry about me, and i'll work on redebuting with a fixed-up and polished eos!!

[insomniac4000]

Lazy Sunday-George Clarke fluff

You and George have now been together for eight months, you met through your brother who worked as an editor for him, Arthur and a couple of others. He once invited you on a night out as you needed cheering up and from that moment George laid his eyes on you he was smitten and you were very much the same. It took him a couple of months to gear up the courage to ask you out and was absolutely thrilled when you said yes.

You worked a regular 9-5 job, as such weekends were often spent with George when he wasn't away filming. Your flatmate had pretty much moved in with her boyfriend at this point leaving your flat free for George and you. As much as you had gotten to know and love Chris and Arthur it was also great to have your own space. This was actually the first weekend in three weeks where you and George had seen each other due to filming on his part and a friends hen party on yours. You had spent the Friday evening out with George's friends and spend Friday night at his place before moving to your flat on the Saturday and going out for dinner Saturday night.

Sunday morning rolled around and when you woke you were still quite tired. You turned onto your elbow and smiled at the still sleeping boy next to you, hearing his breathing as his mouth as slightly agape. His eyes flickered and when his blue eyes focused and fixed on you he smiled and turned to face you.

"I caught you staring," he mumbled tiredly with a smirk placing his arms around you and pulling him towards you.

"I could stay like this all day," you told George as you let out a contended sigh.

"Okay, let's have a lazy day," George groggily replied closing his eyes once again, you followed suit and the pair of you dozed for another hour, slipping in and out of sleep as you laid there together, that was until the call of nature washed over you. As you were up you decided to make some tea for George and yourself, not being arsed to cook you grabbed some muffins and some biscuits you had in the cupboard before going back into your room and seeing George now fully awake sitting half up in bed.

"And where did you go? I got cold and lonely," he added sadly and you smiles lifting up the items in your hands.

"Just went to get some provisions for our lazy day in bed," you answered giving George the mug carefully and placing the sweet goodies on the floral duvet. Once you had consumed the baked goods and caffeine you went back into George's arms, he had made it very clear he had no intention of moving from that bed all day.

"Without a doubt this is my favourite thing to do," George said lazily as he squeezed you in his strong arms. You nodded in agreement as your hand caressed his cheek feeling his bone structure under his facial hair before giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

"With everything going on and how busy we both can be it's so nice to just stop and appreciate each other, because I do, I love you so much," George told you a goofy smile on his face. Your blushed and peppered a few kisses on his cheek and jaw.

"I love you too," you whispered as your hands found his hair.

The pair of you stayed true to your word, the only time you left the other one was either to use the bathroom or when George went to get the pizza you ordered at around 4.

"I don't know about you but I think we should make lazy Sunday's a weekly thing," George suggested, mouth full of cheese and pepperoni.

"Agreed," you replied sipping your diet coke.

[greyfongschemmenti]

This Is How It Feels | Part 3

Pairing: Regina Mills x reader

Warnings: none?

Word Count: 1k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

The gentle rustle of leaves overhead and the distant hum of life in the town square formed a soothing backdrop as you sat against the sturdy trunk of a tree in the center of Storybrooke's park. Your first week at this town and you decided to sketch. With your sketchbook propped up on your knees, you let your pencil glide across the paper, capturing the scene before you with practiced strokes.

Lost in the rhythm of creation, you barely noticed the approach of footsteps until a familiar voice broke through your reverie.

"Mind if I join you?" came Regina's smooth voice, her presence casting a shadow over your sketchbook.

Looking up, you were surprised to see Regina standing before you holding two coffee cups, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. Wordlessly, you nodded, gesturing to the space beside you.

Regina settled gracefully onto the grass, her gaze lingering on your sketchbook for a moment before turning to meet your eyes. "I noticed you sitting here earlier," she said, her tone curious yet warm. "I thought you might appreciate some company."

As she spoke, Regina offered one of the cups with a knowing smile. "Hopefully it’s to your liking," she said, handing you the cup. "Just the way you ordered it the first time we met."

Your brow raises in curiosity as you listen to her words “you…remembered my coffee order?” 

Regina’s smile falters “was that okay?” 

You smile and are grateful for the gesture, you accept the coffee with a nod of thanks, taking a sip and savoring the familiar taste. Regina's attention to detail did not go unnoticed, and you found yourself struck by the thoughtfulness of her gesture.”I really appreciate it. Thank you Regina”

After a moment and a soft dusting of the charcoal from your page you’re the first to break the silence. “So how’s your day going, Esteemed Mayor Regina” you give her a slight smirk. She lets out a soft laugh “Besides dealing with the citizens of Storybrooke, proposals and meetings all before my morning coffee. same old bureaucracy, different day. But it's all part of the job, I suppose. How about you? How's life as our newest visitor?” 

You take a deep breath as you think of a response then sigh “Oh, you know, just trying to navigate the ups and downs of everyday life. But a good cup of coffee always helps smooth out the rough patches. But you fixed that so my day just got better” you look up at her and give her a genuine smile which she mirrors on her own face. 

Regina looks down to hide her smile while she runs her hands on her lap, “Ah, the universal remedy: caffeine. Can't go wrong there.”As the two of you sat in comfortable silence, They both sip their coffee in silence for a moment before Regina speaks, “So, tell me about yourself. Where do you come from? What brings you to Storybrooke?” 

You let out a breath as you turn to look over at Regina and take in her features taking a pause to consider her questions. “Well, I've been traveling around the world for some time now. I’m a nature photographer with a side of art. Enjoying the world’s wonders.” you began smiling softly before it falters a bit “But despite all the beauty I've encountered, I've felt like something was missing. So, I embarked on this journey with no destination in mind, just following where the universe led me. And here I am, in Storybrooke.” Regina listened attentively, her expression thoughtful as she absorbed your words. And as you spoke of your desire for a new beginning, for a place to call home amidst the vast expanse of the universe, Regina's eyes softened with understanding.

"It sounds like you've been searching for a sense of belonging," she said, her voice gentle yet knowing. Regina knows all too well about her own sense of belonging. She looks over at you and you share a look. Her words resonate deeply within you, echoing the unspoken longing in your heart. In Regina's presence, you felt a sense of connection, a kinship that transcended words and borders. You nod “Sometimes, no matter how far we roam, we still long for that sense of belonging.”

“I can relate to that more than you know.” She looks away suddenly, not her confident self, but she quickly recovers “Your journey sounds fascinating. Traveling the world and having a talent to draw incredible things” she glances at your sketches of people and buildings of her beloved town.

You give a small smirk as you look down at your drawings “It has been, in many ways. But it's also been lonely at times. That's why I'm grateful for encounters like this, moments of connection with others.”

“Well, I'm glad to have met you” she softly smiled as she looked at you and noticed you sketching. 

You look up at her and smile “I enjoyed this. If you ever want to share a coffee and talk. I guess you know where to find me” 

You stand up, ripping out a page and close the book before offering a hand to Regina. Regina watches in surprise as you stand up and tear out a page from your sketchbook, the action unexpected but somehow fitting in the moment. As you close the book and offer your hand to her, she hesitates for just a moment before accepting it, noting the warmth of your touch as your hands linger longer than usual.

Taking the piece of paper from you, Regina's gaze flickers down to the sketch, her breath catching at the beauty captured on the page. The sketch of Regina sitting by the tree where she was moments ago. Her expression is soft and at peace, something she hasn’t seen in a long time. 

For a moment, Regina is speechless, touched by the gesture and the sentiment behind it. She looks up to meet your eyes, her own softened with gratitude and understanding.

"Thank you," she says softly, her voice carrying a depth of emotion that belies her usual stoic demeanor. 

With a small smile, you bid farewell and walk off to where you're staying, leaving Regina to gaze down at the sketch in her hands, a tangible reminder of the unexpected connection forged in the quiet moments of an ordinary day.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the park, you realized that perhaps, in this serendipitous encounter with Regina, you had found the answer to your quest for belonging—a community to call your own, and a journey that had led you home at last.

[bonitanightmxres]

"Espresso My Love For You || JOEL MILLER

PAIRING: Joel Miller x wife!reader (non-outbreak au)

SYNOPSIS: Joel loves coffee, but you love an early morning cup with him even more

WARNINGS: none! just a really bad pun :P

WORD COUNT: 1.3k

Joel had an addiction—a caffeine addiction, that is. You, personally, liked coffee just as much as the next person, but Joel drank enough caffeine in a day to power ten people for a whole week.  When your coffee maker broke, it confused you when he shrugged it off like it was no big deal. Though it was extremely unlikely, you thought that maybe he had finally given up coffee–until he began to willingly get up extra early before work just so he could make it to the nearest coffee shop for his fix and beat the morning rush. This meant that you were woken up at an ungodly hour in the morning because Joel had no sense in keeping quiet as he got ready for work. You didn’t mind it during the first three days, but after three weeks? Yeah, you missed your undisturbed sleep. 

Not only that, but the weekends were the only mornings that you were able to enjoy a quiet hour or two on the front porch with Joel and sip a cup of coffee because of his crazy work schedule. With the coffee maker broken, he took it upon himself to get up early and go out and buy two coffees and bring them back home to enjoy with you. But he had to admit, getting dressed to go out and buy the coffee wasn’t the same as drinking it freshly made and in the comfort of his own sweatpants.

Knowing that Joel hasn't had much time lately to go and look for a new one, you take the liberty to do it for him. After much research and price-matching at different home appliance stores, you’d finally settled on a suitable coffee maker to surprise Joel with. Though it was a bit pricey, you didn’t really care in the end because the man deserved to be spoiled every once in a while. After all, he was always the one to come home randomly with a bouquet of flowers simply because they were your favorite color. 

Setting it up on your kitchen counter was the hard part. Not only because it was barely four in the morning when you were trying to put it together so Joel would wake up to a new coffee maker, but because this one was far ahead of its time. The old one was over ten years old and all it required you to do was plug it into the wall, press a single button, and call it a day. This one though? It came with more features than you knew what to do with. But by the time you finished, the shiny, robotic-looking machine sat on your counter like it belonged there the whole time. 

______

The sun had barely begun to peek out over the horizon on a Saturday morning when Joel stirred awake. He grew confused when his arm couldn’t find you in the bed, and became nervous when his ears heard commotion coming from the kitchen. But when he heard your voice quietly humming, he knew you were up to something. It was strange and quite suspicious, if he was being honest with himself. Maybe the real you was being held hostage and you were replaced by a clone who enjoyed early mornings. That scenario was more probable than you willingly waking up on your own before the sun was out. When Joel brushed his teeth, he swore he could smell fresh coffee lingering in the house. Maybe you’d gone and bought a cup, he thought. But as he made his way down the hallway and into the kitchen, there was no denying that strong scent. 

“Surprise!” You shouted, a bright smile on your face, despite the early hour. As you moved to the side, Joel could see the source of the heavenly smell. The coffee maker was definitely fancier than what he was used to, and it looked expensive, but excitement overcame his money-saving thoughts because he’d finally be able to drink a homemade cup of coffee again.

“Did you set this up all by yourself?” He questioned, amazed that you managed to keep it a secret. 

You nod, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. “Aren’t you proud? I almost quit too, and was gonna have you help me when you woke up, but I managed. Wanted to surprise you.”

“I-I can’t believe this, I–” his mouth curls into a smile as he admires the machine before him.  

“And I know you were loving that extra caffeine boost from the shop you were going to every morning, so look,” your voice is giddy with excitement as you hand him the instruction manual. “I got one that doubled as a coffee maker and espresso machine, you know, for those days you need something a little stronger.” You search his eyes for any sign of approval, “So, what do you think?”

He’s still totally mesmerized by all the buttons and levers as he continues to read the manual, determined to get to know the machine as well as he knew you. But Joel’s brown eyes are soft and wide like those of a child when he smiles at you. “I think that you’re the only woman in the world who gets me.” 

His words of approval make butterflies float in your stomach, and the smile on his face is enough for you. You pour Joel’s mug first, noticing his eagerness to try it out. Joel groaned as the smell of dark roasted coffee filled his nostrils when he took the first sip. “Darlin’, you are an absolute angel.” 

“You still talking to me or are you talking to the coffee?” You questioned playfully.

Joel tilted his head to the side, pretending to think. “Mmm, you’re a close second.” 

You gasp as you pour creamer and heaps of sugar into your mug, but Joel chuckles and places a kiss on your head. Tasting it, you realize it needs just a bit more sugar and add a couple more spoonfuls. 

“Jesus, darlin’, you want some coffee with your sugar?” Joel teases, as he opens the front door for you. 

“Joel, baby, some of us don’t like the taste of pure jet fuel, okay?” 

Joel chuckled as he took his seat next to you on the porch where you rocked slowly in the chair he’d made for you a few years back. He let out a sigh of content, and you knew you’d done good with the surprise. Your mind wandered, and the thoughts that coursed through your head–well, one in particular–made you grin. 

Joel caught it from the corner of his eye, automatically assuming that you were up to no good. He chuckled nervously, “What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” you say as nonchalantly as you can, trying to play it off cool. “But I guess you could say I really know how to ‘espresso’ my love for you, huh?” 

Joel lowered his head, and shook it, trying to contain his laughter. “That was so goddamn terrible.” 

But your wide grin was his weakness as he looked over at you and he erupted into laughter. You joined in with him, laughing to the point that your stomach began to ache. Joel loved the way you laughed heartily at your own joke, and your laugh itself was like music to his ears; only, to him, you were the funny one and you were the one who kept him laughing all these years. 

The sun began to rise in the sky over the mountains, and you couldn’t take your eyes off the sight before you as the deep blues transformed into the most beautiful shades pink and orange. But right next to you, Joel was just as enchanted by you as you were by the sky.

_____

a/n: thank you for putting up with domestic joel brain rot bc it has invaded my life!! 💕

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: M6 making the MC breakfast in bed

Part 1 is here:

You had made your beloved breakfast in bed a few weeks before, and since then, they've taken it into their heads to do the same for you. How well does it go when they do?

Julian

Ever since he decided to return the favor, he's been caught up in the romantic aspect of it and is turning it into a grand gesture

This man never plans something unless he's forced to

So yeah, he scoured Vesuvia yesterday to find you the perfect bouquet, and he knows exactly how you like your morning caffeine

But he doesn't realize you're out of groceries until he's got 30 minutes until you wake up

He's finished decorating the tray and adding the sonnet he wrote you and now he's standing in front of the food cabinets, head empty, because he totally forgot about the breakfast part of breakfast in bed

Muffled cursing

Gathers what he can from the early vendors at the marketplace and breaks into Mazelinka's kitchen for the rest

You wake up to the sound of him crashing back into the kitchen, ordering Malak to keep you distracted by whatever means necessary

Rushing over, hair tousled and eyepatch slowly slipping, with a very unusual combination of street foods and kitchen ingredients

"Good morning, MC, light of my life, my dearest love, your dashing doctor has brought you breakfast in bed."

Your drink is cold, and you don't normally go for deep fried stuff first thing in the morning, and you have no idea what the random bowl of rosemary is for, but the flowers are beautiful and the sonnet is very sweet

You pull him down to sit next to you while you eat what you can and compliment what you can't

You take him grocery shopping with you later to restock the kitchen (and return Mazelinka's things)

Asra

They were planning to return the favor from the moment you had brought them their tray, but it's taken a couple weeks because they keep accidentally sleeping in

He finally enlists Faust's help by having her squeeze his arm and not stop until he makes it out of bed

He has already spent years collecting your favorites for you on his many travels, he knows what you like

Some of the food he's brought from outside (pumpkin bread!) and kept fresh with some useful spells

Some he endeavors to make himself

Except they also love experimenting

Maybe they got a little carried away with that one enchantment to enhance the flavor

Maybe they had to restart a few times

Maybe they employed a very mild sleeping spell to buy them a little extra time

When you do wake up, it's to Faust sliding around your shoulders and his smiling face over a steaming mug of your favorite morning drink

You do notice that about half the things on your tray seem ever so slightly ... off

You might also notice the hint of guilty mischief on their face

He's already admitting to his "adjustments" by the time you start to ask

Easily fixed though! They just snuggle up next to you in bed and take the first bite of everything as your official taste tester

Cue intense levels of sappiness as you take turns feeding each other and giggling

Nadia

Initially, she was planning on ordering breakfast for you the next morning, to be delivered to your chambers

But then she remembered how special it was that you had prepared it yourself

And you know how devoted she is to doing things properly down to the smallest detail

So she gets up half an hour before you do and walks down to the kitchen, thinking "how hard can it be?"

Famous last words

Turns out kitchen knives cannot be used with the same technique as swords

Turns out cooking pots get very hot when they sit on the stove

Turns out things burn quickly when you leave them unattended on said hot stove

Turns out fruit is difficult to cut into fancy little shapes, and even more difficult to peel

Portia receives an emergency message from Chandra and rushes over to find Nadia nursing a burned thumb, trying to wave away the smoke while the kitchen staff hide around the corner

Nadia's too proud to accept help from anyone else and the staff are too baffled to approach

Portia is deeply honored

Nadia appears a few minutes after you wake up with a bandaged hand and a simple but hearty breakfast

Portia helped, but Nadia still did the bulk of the work and makes sure you know that

She will shyly let you heal her, and is so satisfied with your praise that she decides to take a few cooking classes in the future

Muriel

Bold of you to assume he doesn't already cook breakfast for the two of you most mornings

But he was very deeply moved by your gesture, so he wants to do something special in return

Eggs

Except you've been slowly pulling him out of his "food is fuel that I am barely worthy of" mentality, so he steels himself and opens up the spice cabinet you've been gradually building

He's very careful, sniffing everything before he decides whether it should go in or not

The chili pepper makes him sneeze super loud and that wakes you up

It's too early, you roll over and go back to sleep while he's standing frozen in the middle of the hut, sweating

He also picked up your favorite pumpkin bread in town the day before

He had to ask Asra for help, but he did it, and Innana was so proud of him she howled the whole way back through the woods

He slices it up with the same precision he gives his carvings and toasts it so meticulously over the fire

He also carved you a tray since you had to use a slab of wood last time and he only gives you the best

He shakes you awake sooo gently and waits until you wake up all the way to put your tray down

Every positive comment you make turns him a little more red

After the amount of affection you show him for the rest of the day he decides to make you breakfast as often as possible

He carves "I love you" into the tray so that that's the first thing you see every morning

Portia

Queen of breakfast in bed

She's been taking notes for the last week on your food preferences, what pastries you like, what fruits make you smile, how you like your eggs, etc etc

Has all of the ingredients in her cabinets and prep work done the night before

She took you out to the rowdy raven the night before with Ilya and Mazelinka so she could put you to bed without you noticing her plans

And after the crazy dancing you did on the tables, she knows you'll be extra hungry in the morning

Everything goes to plan. The pastries bake perfectly, the eggs behave themselves, the fruit is just the right amount of ripe, her hard work pays off

You wake up to possibly the best breakfast you'll ever have

Except that in all the excitement Portia forgot to feed Pepi last night *and* this morning

Pepi is watching, waiting so very patiently for her breakfast, and she sees how much work Portia's doing in the kitchen so she's got her hopes up

And then all of that beautiful food goes onto your lap, and the longer the two of you talk and eat, the less food she sees on the tray and reality sinks in

She leaps up onto the bed, snatches the best pieces left, and streaks out of the cottage

Portia knocks her out of the tree outside with a broomstick

Lucio

It doesn't occur to him to return the favor until roughly two months have passed

He remembers during a bragging contest about how his lover is just the Best and lists the breakfast in bed as evidence

Person responds with "yeah, but could you do any of that?"

This is a challenge to prove his greatness, there is no way he's backing down now

He did not make any plans, he just started making breakfast foods (or trying to) at two o'clock in the afternoon

Quickly realized that the only food he's decent at making is what he learned as a mercenary, so he sets up camp in the palace gardens with a bonfire

Mercedes and Melchior are so impressed they keep trying to steal your food

Finally, covered in soot and reeking of smoke, he pops up at your shoulder and drags you to your bed by the wrist

"So just like, lie down there and go to sleep until I say so or something."

Mercedes and Melchior help out by lying on top of you until he reappears

"Wakey wakey, are you ready for the best breakfast of your life?!"

It's actually not that bad, you just don't know why you're having breakfast in bed while the sun is setting

He's peacocking about it for the rest of the week

[adrienneleclerc]

We’re Just Friends

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Hispanic/Latina! Reader

Summary: In this, we will see the friendship between Walter and Y/N and Walter’s first act of protectiveness; let’s face it, it wasn’t his first time punching a man because of Y/N

A/N: If y’all have seen Gilmore Girls, Walter and Y/N will be like Luke and Lorelai in the way that they hang out outside of work. If y’all haven’t, Luke/Walter is known for being grumpy in his place of work and in general. BUT he lets Lorelai/YN who is basically a ray of sunshine on caffeine get away with EVERYTHING. Lorelai/YN call Luke/Walter if they need to rant or need something fixed, they have a good friendship, very “you came, you called”

Ever since Walter gave Y/N apology cookies, they were closer, they got to know each other. They even started hanging out at friends outside of work which was rare for Walter.

Walter and Y/N could be seen at the mall, shopping for Faye because Walter is clueless about what to get her. They were walking down the aisles at Barnes and Noble.

“How do you not know what to get your daughter, Don Refri?” Y/N asked him.

“I thought that name was for the district.” Walter said.

“That name is for everywhere, Don Refri. Seriously, how do you not know?” Y/N stopped walking and stood in front of him.

“I know what my daughter likes, the only problem is that I don’t know if Angie and her new husband have already bought it for her.” Walter said, looking down at Y/N (I'm 5'3 and a half, yes, my doctor counts the half inch, but Henry is 6'1 so he's pretty tall, whatever height you are, he will still be looking down at you)

“Yeah, divorce makes it harder. I’m Just guessing, my parents are still together.” Y/N said with a smile. (If they are divorced, ignore that last sentence) “How about a funko pop, does she like Marvel?" Y/N said, holding up a Captain America funko pop that was on the shelf.

"I think she is more of a DC fan." Walter said, poking the Superman funko pop on the shelf.

They could even be seen at Y/N's apartment drinking coffee.

"Thanks again for fixing my lock, it was driving me crazy.” Y/N said, giving Walter a pan dulce to drink with his coffee.

“Yeah of course, wouldn’t want you to feel unsafe in the neighborhood.” Walter said.

“Still, you could have come tomorrow but you came tonight, so I appreciate it.” Y/N said.

“It’s a 5 minute drive, you’re close by. What is this, by the way?” Walter asked

“It’s pan dulce, there’s a little Mexican bakery that i like to go to, really good, I gave you a concha.” Y/N said, also taking a bite out of her concha. Walter have it a taste.

“You’re right, it’s really good.” Walter said. They kept talking until Walter finished his coffee and they said goodbye.

The next day, Walter came into the police department with a thermos in hand and an paper bag in the other. He walked over to Y/N’s cubicle and knocked on her desk.

“Good morning, Don Refri, how are you today?” Y/N asked.

“Good morning to you too, Y/N, I’m good, and you?” Walter replied.

“Im good, what’s in the bag?” Y/N asked, she was curious to know what’s inside.

“I went to the coffee shop this morning and got you something. It might not be as good as the pan Dulce from your Mexican bakery, but this coffee shop is Latina owned.” Walter said and Y/N opened the paper bag and saw manteconchas and polvorones.

“Oh my gosh, they look so good, they smell good too, gracias Don Refri, ya te estás calentando.” Y/N said, giving him a hug. Walter hugged back and went to his office while Rachel turned to Y/N with a smirk on her face.

“Walter brought you Mexican pastries? How nice of him, looks like you might be his favorite.” Rachel said.

“Maybe it’s because I’m new, I’m sure the novelty will wear off.” Y/N said.

“Maybe, maybe not. Who knows.” Rachel said, going downstairs.

A week later, Y/N entered the department and it was all chaos, she walked over to Glasgow to see if he could tell her what’s going on.

“Why is everyone acting like my mom when Luis Miguel announced his tour?” Y/N asked.

“Detective Marshall finally found a lead to the guy who’s been trafficking teenaged girls. We got his license plate and planted a tracking device on his van so Walter asked me to see where the van stops and that’ll be this guy’s hide out,” Glasgow explained. A few minutes later, “I found him! He’s in an All Inc Warehouse!”

“Let’s get a move on, we’re finally gonna get this son of a bitch.” Walter said as he grabbed his gun and out on his vest to leave with the other officers.

“What does he mean by ‘finally’? Has this been a tough case?” Y/N said, finally being able to sit at her desk.

“Detective grumpy has been working on this case for a month. It’s been driving him crazy knowing that the guy was still out there.” Rachel said, walking in, sipping her coffee.

“Then I’m glad he’s finally catching him.” Y/N said.

An hour later, Walter walked into the district with the guy in handcuffs. Walter takes him downstairs to put him in a holding cell. He walked back upstairs.

“Y/N, i need to fill out a report, come with me please.” Walter said and Y/N followed him.

“Congratulations on the arrest, Don Refri. How does it feel?” Y/N asked.

“It feels good. How was the Mexican bread?” Walter asked.

“The polvorones we’re really good and the manteconcha was delicious. I saved you a polvorón because you have to try it. Where did you get them?” Y/N asked.

“I got it at Abogados Café.” Walter said. “What does that mean, by the way?”

“Lawyers coffee. Do they have Cuban coffee?” Y/N asked.

“I Don’t know, we can check it some other day.” Walter said.

Hours later, Walter and Y/N were finishing their paper work.

“Hey Don Refri, how do you feel about going to a bar tonight? You don’t have to drink, but I think it’ll be fun. We could celebrate that you finally solved that case! Rachel told me you’ve been working on that shit for a month.” Y/N said as she put on her jacket.

“I Don’t know about that, Y/N.” Walter said.

“Oh come on, it’s not like I’m asking you to get drunk. Let’s just go to a bar, you can play pool with the guys, I can eat some fries. We could go to Brunson’s Pub! Or Skinner’s or Iron Ranger, I don’t care, I just want a night out and I really don’t feel like cooking.” Y/N practically begged Walter as she was holding onto his biceps.

“Fine, fine, we’ll go to Brunson’s, they have more food there, I’ll tell the guys, you can tell Rachel. Group celebration.” Walter said and Y/N was happy. She texted Rachel about going to the pub and Rachel was down.

“Rachel said she’ll be there, what about Matthew and Glasgow?” Y/N said.

“Yeah, they’re coming too. You want me to drive you?” Walter said.

“And leave my car here?” Y/N asked.

“I’ll drive you to work tomorrow, it’ll be fine. This way you can drink as much as you want.” Walter said.

“Jaja, mira que funny eres.” Y/N said. They walked out of the department and got into Walter’s car. Walter put on a random playlist on Spotify. Y/N was looking out the window when she heard a familiar song, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t heard this song in forever. I love ‘colgando en tus manos’, my mom would play it in the house all the time.”

“Yeah, I found a playlist with Spanish songs, thought it would be good, maybe help with my Spanish with us being friends and all.” Walter said.

“You Don’t even know what Carlos Baute is singing right now.” Y/N commented.

“It doesn’t matter, you like this kind of music, right?” Walter asked.

“It reminds me of my life in Miami, before Latin music went mainstream.” Y/N said. They kept talking and listening to music until Walter parked in the parking lot at Brunson’s. They walked in together.

“Hey, look who made it! Detective Grumpy and his sunshine partner.” Matthew said.

“Hey, we’re not at work right now but I’m still your boss, watch it. How much have you had to drink?” Walter asked.

“He had 3 tequila shots.” Glasgow said.

“How did he get here?” Walter asked.

“I took an Uber.” Matthew said.

“Same.” Rachel and Glasgow said.

“Great, well I gotta stay sober because I have to take Y/N home. What do you want to drink?” Walter asked, turning to Y/N.

“I want a ‘bad hombre’ and you should get yourself a beer, we’re celebrating you, you should be able to let loose.” Y/N said.

“All right, I’ll go to the bar.” Walter said and Y/N slid into the booth. Walter came back with a beer, a “bad hombre” which has reposado and mezcal, and an Italian sandwich for Y/N. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Don refri.” Y/N said. They were all talking and laughing, having a good time but Walter stepped away. “Damn, I’m running low, I’m gonna see of i Can get a beer, be right back.” Y/N said and walked to the bar when bumped into a tall man. “Oh I’m so sorry.”

“Nah, you’re good. Wait a minute, Y/N?” The man said and Y/N looked up to see a familiar face.

“No way, Mitch, how are you? What are you doing here in Minnesota?” Y/N asked as she hugged Mitch (Dylan O’Brien) a friend she made back in Virginia.

“My brother Steven wanted to go skiing. You want me to order you a beer?” Mitch asked.

“Yeah, get me a modelo.” Y/N said and Mitch told the bartender to get him two modelo beers. “Well, how’s the CIA treating you?”

“The CIA is fine. Listen, I’m sorry to hear that the FBI didn’t work out for you but maybe you can come back to Virginia and become part of the CIA.” Mitch said.

“I’d love to, but I’m not sure I can cut out as a CIA agent.” Y/N said. They kept talking and Walter got out of the bathroom to see Y/N talking to Mitch. He went back to his booth.

“Who’s that guy?” Walter asked.

“I Don’t know but he’s cute.” Rachel said. Walter went closer to hear their conversation.

“You’d do great. I swear, I would love to work with you.” Mitch said.

“Mitch, honestly, stop insisting, I’m not doing it.” Y/N said. All Walter heard was Y/N telling Mitch “no” so Walter got closer and..

“Didn’t you hear her? She said no.” And Walter decked Mitch, Mitch landing in the floor. Y/N got out of her stool.

“Walter! What did you do?” Y/N asked, facing Walter.

“Wasn’t he bothering you?” Walter asked.

“No! Walter this is Mitch, my friend who’s in the CIA. Mitch, this is Walter.” Y/N said as she helped Mitch off the floor.

“He’s your boyfriend or something?” Mitch asked.

“No, we’re just friends.” Y/N said and Walter walked outside the bar, he needed fresh air. “And he’s technically my boss at the police department. He’s a detective.”

“Well He’s quite protective of you. I should give you my number so we could hang out next time I’m in Minnesota.” Mitch said,

“That would be great.” Y/N said and they exchanged numbers. “It was great seeing you, I gotta talk to Walter.” Y/N walked outside and saw Walter leaning against his car. “What the hell was that in there?”

“Sorry, Y/N, I thought he was just a random drunk harassing you. I didn’t know he was a friend of yours.” Walter admitted.

“You could have asked. Just don’t do it again, okay.” Y/N said,

“I won’t. Are you sure you’re all right? He didn’t try anything?” Walter asked,

“Nah, Mitch is a good guy, he wanted me to ‘try out’ for the CIA but I told him no. Thanks for being protective though, I appreciate it.” Y/N said and she hugged him. “Can we go back inside? I’m kinda cold and this skirt isn’t helping.” Y/N said and Walter chuckled.

“Yeah, we can go back inside.” Walter said, leading her into the pub with his hand on the small of her back.

The End

Hope y’all liked it! i just guessed about the Latina owned coffee shop but then I was looking up coffee shops in Saint Paul and that’s when I found Abogados Café! I looked up the bars and the warehouses because I like my fanfics to be accurate when I’m writing about a state I don’t know anything about. Also, super sorry about the late “update”, I’m finishing up the fall semester and i have so much work to do but I’m procrastinating so…that’s gonna bite me in the ass when the time comes. Comment if you want to be added to the tag list

Taglist: @shellyshellshell @warriormirkwood @secretdream2

[puppiesandnightlock]

LINK: But since the world’s obsessed with saying ‘psych’ (pt 1)

summary: Detention, coffee, and holy shit Damian can hot-wire a motorcycle-

aka Damian and Jon get their shit together (sort of) and start off their tentative friendship, only strengthening when Jon finds out something that draws him to Damian even more....

Okay.

Here’s the thing.

In order to keep his nice, shiny record, and his top student status, as well as not making his older brother turn on the accursed dad voice, Damian had to make amends with stupid Jon Kent.

The last few weeks consisted of their back and forths, some mildly amusing, others…rather physical, leading them to where they were now, Saturday morning detention. 

Damian was certain he’d be able to breach what he was positive was a cover, perhaps self defense, and maybe even fix the boy up.

Granted, he was no miracle worker, and in his opinion,  Jon Kent was in desperate need of a miracle.

However, he was certainly persuasive. The added benefit of being a former delinquent himself gave him a way to worm past the defenses, not that the other boy would know. 

And something most everyone but themselves knew was that maybe, despite everything pointing to the contrary, they didn’t really want to hate each other.

Admittedly, detention was a familiar environment to Jon, countless weekends lost to the silent drab classrooms. 

“Yo, Kent!” A teen with close cropped brown curls called out from the side of the room as he entered the designated detention room.

“Heard Wayne kicked your ass last week.” The shit-eating grin plastered on their face gave the hint that the words were teasing, but Jon knew it was also to get a rise out of him.

“What do you know, Akira?” He snorted. “At least I’m here for somethin’ other than scribbling on the walls.”

They made a mock offended gasp, the jacket they were wearing covered in tastefully placed paint splotches, patches and pins, much like the rest of the outfit.

“I’ll have you know it was a beautiful piece of work, and a form of self-expression. Besides, it was technically for an English project, so I shouldn't even be here.”

“Sure.” He rolled his eyes, shooting them a grin that would leave most people swooning. Akira only smirked back, and spoke up again.

“So, how was it like to have a good boy gremlin kick your ass? Bet you thanked him after, what with the drooling you’ve been doing lately.”

Jon flushed and opened his mouth to retort, but as he did, a teacher stepped in the door.

“Jon Kent, you’re to be in the classroom down the hall instead.”

He nodded, flipping Akira off behind his back and walking out. Unfortunately for him, the only other person in the room was Damian fucking Wayne, who was on time and probably a few minutes early to everything, including detention, apparently. 

“Hello,” he said cautiously. “Good morning.”

Jon startled. What the hell was going on? Sure, Damian was polite when they had their tutoring, although after the first few days it was more sarcastic. 

“Were you body-snatched?” He blurted out. Damian’s lips twitched upwards, but the flicker vanished as quick as it came.

“No.” Jon watched him suspiciously, before turning and sitting in the back. The other boy got up and  slipped in the seat next to him.

“Seriously, man, what’s wrong with you?” He crossed his arms, scowling at the boy next to him. Damian held out a cup, similar to the one in his hand. 

“Here.”

“Did you poison it?” Jon looked at it warily.

Damian shot him a deadpan look, shaking the cup at him. “Take it or leave it, Kent.” 

Hesitantly, he took it, and under his watch, sipped from it, sighing as the bitter taste of caffeine flooded his senses. Not too much milk and lots of sugar, just how he liked it.

Wait.

“How do you know my order?” he demanded immediately, Damian nearly dropping his own cup. 

He flushed, whether in embarrassment or anger, and avoided his gaze. “I only guessed. You bring a coffee cup during tutoring every week and based on what the contents smelled like, I added it up.”

Jon took the lid off of the cup and sniffed hesitantly, much to the other boy’s amusement. “I don’t smell anything,” he pouted. “It’s just coffee.”

Damian covered his mouth with a hand, hiding the small smile that appeared. “Well, we can’t all be winners, can we?”

“You’re telling me.” Jon scowled, poking at the fading bruises on his pale skin. “Since we’re being civil today for some reason, mind tellin’ me where you learned to kick ass? Because as much as I hate to admit it, you sure kicked mine.”

His expression became guarded and he shook his head, opening a book. “No, thank you. I’m afraid this is as far as my pleasantries extend today.”

“C’mon, we were gettin’ somewhere.” He whined, draping himself across the desk, staring up at him with black framed blue eyes.

“I’ve beaten you once, provoke me and you’ll receive it a second time.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them, and inwardly he cursed his own uncontrolled anger. 

This is what would always get him into trouble, the lack of brain to mouth filter as his mind clouded with the emotions, taking hold of his actions without thinking of the consequences.

“No thanks.” Jon muttered, ducking his head and pulling out his phone, scrolling through his socials. The silence stretched out, Damian considering he’d done a wonderful job of being civil, although they weren’t exactly joined at the hip yet.

“Sorry I punched you in the face.” He blurted out against his will. “And you know, just generally beat you up. In my defense, you were very provoking.”

Because this was how to properly apologize. Ah yes, justifying your actions with their own. Honestly, what was it about this boy that made every one of his perfectly crafted walls and mannerisms come crashing down in flames?

To his surprise, Jon put his face down, shoulders shaking. Damian was quickly hit with a large dose of anxiety, concern, and fear. He carefully reached out a hand like what his brothers would have done, and placed it on his shoulder, causing the other boy to jump up and reveal something that caused Damian to scowl and turn away.

The fucker was laughing .

“I’m sorry,” He chortled. “I just didn’t want you to punch me in the face-”

“I should still do that.” Damian grumbled, hitting him in the shoulder a bit harder then needed for a ‘friendly’ punch. “I was concerned I'd made you cry.”

Jon looked nearly offended, the expression off-put somewhat by the fact that he was still smiling. “Takes a bit more than that to make me cry, Wayne.”

“Good to know.” Damian deadpanned. 

They stared at each other for a moment, the corners of Damian’s mouth twitching upwards and sparking a new round of laughter from Jon. The other boy fell victim to the unspoken hilarity as well, quiet chuckles catching the other boy’s attention.

“Hey,” He said after they’d quieted and gone back to the things they’d been doing. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

And why am I falling for it? 

Damian shrugged. “It’s a little hard to have to hate someone like this. You’ve no idea how much I wish I could go back and erase it. If I want things to go the way I do, then I think I should keep my patience.”

“I’m sorry too.” Jon muttered. “I was an asshole, I know. And I kept going even when I should have stopped. I was surprised, to be honest. I didn't think you’d be so…good at fighting back. It was stupid and kind of mean, even if you weren’t super bothered by it.”

And maybe…maybe I was a little drawn to you, too. Unexplained, aggravating enamourment. Couldn’t catch it, always just out of reach. And always would be. 

Damian fiddled with the pencil in his hands. “Apology accepted. No more bothering me to the point where I punch you again, right?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ at the end and offered him a lopsided smile.

“And you'll be showing up on time for tutoring?”

“Can’t promise that, darlin’.” Jon shot finger guns at him, Damian shaking his head, a smile threatening to break through the stern facade.

“I guess that’s something.” a flicker of some emotion flashed across his face, and he stuck out his hand to be shook. “Would you like to start over?”

Jon nodded, and Damian’s small hand was enveloped by the other boy’s leather clad one. “Jon Kent, bad boy extraordinaire and all around flirt. Nice to meetcha, gorgeous.”

He scoffed as a wink accompanied the words, rolling his eyes good naturedly. “Damian Wayne. Your tutor for the foreseeable future. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

They shook once and let go, for once at peace. Jon turned his head to the side. “Since we’re chill now, teach, wanna get outta here? Get a bite to eat?”

“As tempting as that is, I promised I’d not get into any more trouble at school. After our time is served, however, I might consider the offer. On the condition that you stop the godforsaken flirting. ”

Jon smirked, poking at him. “Did I fluster the great Damian Wayne with a few notes on his appearance?”

“No!” He sputtered, pink dusting his cheeks. “It’s just annoying, and I don’t want people to think you’re my boyfriend.” 

Jon faltered at Damian’s clear dislike of the thought, not that he could blame him. He wanted to stay on this boy’s good side, now that he’d gotten a taste of it. The other side had been fun, and knowing the buttons to push, he could easily get a rise out of him if bored.

He played it off, pulling a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I’ll have you know I would be a wonderful boyfriend. But, if you’re not into perfection, I understand.”

The laugh was quiet but genuine, hands flying up to his mouth to hide it. “Whatever.”

“Did Mr. Eloquent just say whatever ?” the other boy gasped. “A piece of informal language from Damian Wayne?” 

“Dramatic.” He scoffed. “I’m really not as bad as I seem.”

“Yeah right.” Jon laughed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He gave a daring grin, causing something to flare in the depths of Jon’s soul. The smile mirrored the one he so often wore getting into trouble, and suddenly he was more inclined to believe that the boy he’d thought as a teacher’s pet goody two shoes with a mean right hook really wasn’t all grades and perfection.

“Guess maybe you ain’t so bad, Wayne.” Jon said at last. “Pretty on the outside, but you’ve got a different side to ya. Gremlin-like, probably.”

“I feel mildly offended by that.” Damian muttered, before responding in kind. “You aren’t ‘so bad’ yourself either, I suppose. Despite all of this , you’re softer than you’d like to admit. Puppy-like, probably.”

“You know, I see your point of mildly offending.”

They laughed together, a timer on Damian’s phone ringing. “Oh, would you look at that? Almost free.”

“I guess time does fly when you’re having fun.” Jon responded, hesitant. “Guess we were kinda having fun.”

“It would seem that way.” The other boy typed something rapidly, and quickly received a response. “I’ll take you up on the lunch offer, Kent, if you’d like to continue this fun .”

“I would, actually. I’ll take you to meet one of my friends, her family runs the best diner in this city.” Jon grinned. 

“Another miscreant such as yourself?” Damian raised an eyebrow.

“Nah, only when she’s with me.” He grinned at him, kicking up his feet onto the desk just to make the other boy scowl. “You’ll have more fun than your good boy senses are used to.”

“Mm, we’ll see.” The other boy tapped a pencil against his lip. “I think there’s a lot about me that you don’t know, Jon.”

“I’ll bet.” 

“And get your feet off the table, were you raised in a barn?”

“Yes, actually.”

“I’m getting more context on that later.”

The short amount of time left in the classroom was mostly spent in silence, the promise of an adventure hanging in the air. And maybe a friendship as well.

[jessjad]

Unexpected

Chapter 1

Summary: After a Halloweenparty Y/N actually didn't want to got to, her life seems to be turned around. The reason is a very stubborn Supe that seems to have her in his visier. Is it just a coincidance or more?

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Word Count: 2041

Warnings: None really, some language

A/N: Hello! 😊 Finally, we're here. I'm still working on and changing the plot of the story, 'cause I have so many ideas in my head. ^^ I put my twist on the story and make my own out of it. Since we still haven't gotten a season 4. So, I hope you like it. We start out slow, but it will pick up pace. All mistakes are mine. Let me know what you think.

My Masterlist Series Masterlist

The cold november wind was blowing through the streets of New York while Y/N was on her way to her favorite café. She needed a good caffeine fix and a delicious croissant to calm her nerves. Since this stupid halloweenparty she felt somehow on edge. Almost as if somebody was following her, but she could not be sure about that.

It did also not help that her best friend Caroline was on the phone with her, trying to get as much information out of her as she could. They hadn't seen each other since the party. Luckily for Y/N she had two weeks off of work and used the first couple of days to hide in her apartment, still not believing herself for what she had done. Or better said, what she had let happen to her.

"Oh c'mon, girl! Spill the details! You can't hide forever." the other woman said with a laugh in her voice and Y/N had to smile.

"There is not much to tell." she tried, but her friend knew her to well.

"Of course there is! That guy was sooo hot! If I would have not been so busy with my man I would've take a chance with him too."

That Y/N believed right away. But not like her, Caroline was a little more blind about the supes, Vaught and everything that was related with it, than other people. She never really cared about those things. Maybe because she never lost someone to one of those cruel, reckless bastards.

"So? Did he ring your bell?"

"Oh god, Care! You wont give up, right." now Y/N had to laugh.

"No, I won't! That's why it's probably best for you to start at the beginning."

Y/N stepped through the door of the café and got in line.

"Let me get my order first and then I'll talk." she negotiated which Care agreed on.

It took almost ten minutes until Y/N took a set at an empty table in the back of the café where she was somewhat undisturbed. After the first sip of the rich coffee and a bite from the delicious croissant she was ready to tell her friend about the evening.

"If I wouldn't have drank that much nothing would've probably happend, but... somehow he got... under my skin."

Which was not a lie. She detested Soldier Boy and all of his kind. You were nowhere safe from them and if you did nothing but just look the wrong way at one of them, you surely would pay with your live. They never gave a fuck about normal people like she was.

"He seemed like a man who knows what to say and how to handle himself." said Care more serious now that she got the tea from her friend about her hot night.

"Yeah..." with that she was right. "We talked and talked and all of sudden we were looking for a place more quiet. I... I didn't want that at first but the alcohol got to me and the next thing I knew, we were in a bedroom, making out."

"Uuuhhh, now comes the good part." Caroline giggled.

"I'm not going into detail, but he knew what he was doing. Oh yeah... he definitely knew..."

And she didn't know why she was so surprised that Soldier Boy actually wanted her to have fun too. Even now when she thought about it how he made her cum three times, her core still started to quiver. Like he was in no rush to get it over with. It was something Y/N never had in her mind, not after the woman learned the hard truth about the supes and how they really were. But that night the "all american hero" seemed to have all the time in the world. Which was probably pretty true.

"See? I knew it was a good idea to drag you out of your apartment and go to this party. And I'm pretty sure the costume did help with that a lot. I told you you looked hot in it!" a very triumphed tone in Carolines voice was heard over the phone.

"Or maybe it was just luck... if you can call it like that."

The croissant was already devoured and she was in the last sipps of her coffee. At first she did not see it as luck that Soldier Boy had appeared, and even more less as he tried to get her attention. Y/N didn't understand why he wanted her, of all people there, and not one of the women that fitted more to the beautystandards these days. However, with every new drink her defense falterd and she gave in. It didn't help that he was so fucking attractive and the smile he had on his plush, sexy lips seemed to promise so much more. Or... she was just to drunk to say no in the end.

"When did you come home? I was kinda worried when I didn't hear from you and you did not pick up my calls."

"I know, Care. I'm still sorry for that. But when I wrote you back in the morning I just went through my door. Like I said, I totally forgot it that night."

And she had felt really bad about it. Y/N had promised to call her later that day but all the alcohol in her system had knocked her out all day and then it was Caroline who was busy with work. Hence, they had this conversation now, three days later.

Thinking about it, Y/N actually didn't want to stay with the supe in the bedroom all night, but he really tired her out and she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow while their heartbeats came down. When she woke up some hours later it was still dark outside and, to her surprise, Soldier Boy was still there, sleeping and with his arm rapped around her middle. It almost felt kinda possessively to her when she thought about it now. Gladly she didn't wake him up when she left.

"When will you see him again?" Care wanted to know, but Y/N just huffed.

"Never, I hope." and Y/N really meant it.

The night was really good, but she wouldn't want to risk another encounter with the supe that potentially could cost her her life. Not that he caused her much pain, but her body was covered in bruises and hickeys and on her right hip she had a blue and green mark that almost looked like a handprint from him.

"Oh, now that is pretty fucking hurtful to hear." rumbled a deep voice behind her suddenly.

In an old, dark and empty basement somewhere outside of New York, almost cut off from the world, gathered a group of men infront of multiple monitors and sifted through the footage from the surveillance cameras that were scattered throughout the city. On a table in the middle of the room were plans laid out and places marked. It looked like they slowly narrowed down an area around the Vought Tower.

"Still nothing?" said one of the men to another who was sitting infront of the monitors.

"No. It hasn't been long since they got him out of the tank or whatever they had him trapped in. It's not unusual that he hasn't been out in the public that often until now."

"But it won't be long until they will bring out the news of him being back in the buisness and when that happens, we won't have much time."

"I know, but what else are we supposed to do when..."

A loud bang rang through the room and all the heads turned to the source of the sound. Another man stood by the table and had slammed his hand down on it. Silence filled the room and some of the men changed some tense looks with eachother.

"Shut up talking and consentrate on the task here!"

"YES, SIR!" responded all the other men in the room and got immediately back to work.

"It doesn't matter if they tell the world that Soldier Boy is back or not. Once we have him in our hands... nobody will care for him anymore."

"Caroline? I... have to call you back."

Y/N hung up on her friend before she even could respond to that. The shock was written all over her face when she finally looked up and into the face of one green eyed supe that grinned cockily down on her. He was in normal clothes, the cowl of his hoodie was pulled over his head and he tried not to look around to much. Y/N knew why. He didn't want to be recognized by the other participants in the café. And she obviously took to long to answer him, 'cause he sat down on the other side of her table, the open space of the café in his back.

"What... what are you doing here?" now Y/N started to look around, but she didn't see anyone else from Vought. "Did you follow me?"

"Well, that doesn't sound quiet right, does it? As if I would've fucking stalked you. A real man doesn't do that."

Y/N just looked at him with wide eyes, still not really believing that she was sitting here with Soldier Boy. Again.

"I was just checking in on you. Seeing if you would walk around telling everyone that you had the best night of your live with the one and only Soldier Boy. But apperantly walking is now problem for you. Should've fucked you a little harder." Now Y/N knew it was definitely real that she was sitting here with the Supe. "Especially after you just left in the middle of the night and we didn't have time to discuss things."

"What is there to talk about? It was just a night, nothing else." an eerie feeling creeped up in her stomach, not knowing what the man infront of her actually wanted.

"Yeah, well... that might be true, but..." Soldier Boy leand a little forward. "... you know who I am. And that is the key here."

"I... I don't understand why this is a problem. It was halloween! I don't think that anyone recognized you. And I really have no intention whatsoever to keep contact to you. I mean, why even would I?"

Y/N saw in his eyes how a little anger flared up, but he kept himself in check. "You have a big fucking mouth for an ordinary girl that I could kill within seconds without even standing up."

Soldier Boy didn't raise his voice, but the threat was undoubtedly noticeable in his voice. During the halloweenparty Y/N had felt more comfortable to defy him, but now fear was starting to rise within her. It would not be a good idea to upset him here in a public place. A blast from his chest would not just kill her.

"Look..." she tried way more calmer. "... I don't think that we need to make a big thing out of this. I'm not gonna tell anybody. I really don't have the need to do so. And you can just go back to the way you lived before all that. Okay?"

She did not wait for his answer, grabbed her bag and got up. There was a bigger group of people that looked or a free table and Y/N was more than willingly to give her seat up. She smiled to them and pointed at her table. One of the men thanked her and made his way over. So, Soldier Boy had to get up too and while he was still trying to get away without being recognized, Y/N was already out of the café and looking for a taxi. She almost made it, but a big hand closed around her underarm and kept her from getting away.

Grumbling under her breath she turned around. "What else?"

"This is not over. You're can't just fucking leave like this." he growled.

"Oh, I think we're done here. I really don't want to see you again." answered Y/N and freed her arm out of his grip.

"Unfortunately that is not for you to decide." a female voice came from behind her.

Let the games begin. 🤭 See you next time!

@lyarr24 @leigh70

[ohyespotatous]

Weekly study reflection (June 1-7) 💗🧠

Goals: Study at least 7 hours or revise 4 chapters a day Goals achieved: 3/7 (June 1, 3, 5) 

💌 - When I told you I'm a potato, I meant it, guys. My biggest blunder this semester? Being lazy for an entire month in April, which left me binge-studying 23 days before exams. I ambitiously aimed for 7-10 hours of daily study and promptly burned out in the first week, lol. Well, it's embarrassing. It's okay guys… Feel free to use me as a bad example. That way I won't be that useless. Haha, just kidding! We either win or learn :) Now that I made the decision to not fail this semester, I’ll make the most of my time, even if it's not perfect. So… here's my evaluation of the first exams prep week :v

Goals & objective 🎯

🧐>

The goals I set could be more attainable and specific.

Studying for 7 hours doesn’t mean I am effectively learning something. I could learn more or less in the same amount of time.

Revising based on the chapters isn’t practical for exam preparations. I don’t need to relearn everything, and it gets boring for my rebellious mind.

💡>

I need to set different goals for each subject & topic.

Outcome-based objectives rather than time-based ones.

Time, energy, and focus management ⚡

🧐>

Boring study schedule. As I set my goals based on study duration, I made a fixed study schedule with a fixed study interval. I got knocked out really fast. 

I tend to get burnt out every other day when I study for more than 5 hours.

Long sessions lead to diminishing returns. My study time keeps decreasing throughout the week.

I’m not too fond of Pomodoro because it breaks my flow. Still, it is helpful when I have difficulty focusing or don’t feel like studying.

Coffee doesn’t necessarily enhance my focus. Drinking enough water works just as well. Morning coffee causes me anxiety during noon study sessions.

My brain works best in predawn hours until early morning.

💡>

Add a big buffer to the study time, so you can start when you’re physically & mentally ready and don’t feel guilty when you start late.

Break the study time into shorter intervals with breaks.

Use a variable-interval/variable-ratio reinforcement schedule. Stop when you’ve learned/done enough or are tired. Give yourself a little reward.

Optimize study environment and various learning methods for sustained focus. Keep it interesting!

Adjust caffeine intake and timing. Drink enough water.

Learning Techniques 🧠

🧐>

Since I have only studied Statistics and Economics until now, my biggest challenge is the numbers 💀 My biggest weakness. The only way out is to practice and practice more.

I think the theory part went pretty well. 

Unless the book is ‘poorly written’ or hard to understand, I don’t really need pretty notes. Scribbling the book and writing side notes work better for me. 

Flash cards for key concepts and terminologies.

I use the Feynman method and mindmaps to review my understanding of the information. I usually explain the concepts to the walls or my cats, lol.

I still need to make time for the practice tests.

💡>

Make card decks for Statistics and Economics equations.

Convert charts and diagrams into your own words.

Schedule a time for the practice tests.

╰⁠(⁠*⁠´⁠︶⁠`⁠*⁠)⁠╯

[ash-is-dying]

Mr Perfectly Fine: Chap 4

A/N: Smashed this one out. A bit shorter but just as good I swear. Heavily focused on Eddie's pov this time around. I promise he's getting better with a bit of help from his life coach A.K.A Wayne Munson. Enjoy!

Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Chapter 4: Mr. I’ve Been Waiting For You All My Life

---

He fucked up.

He would never admit it in a million years, but he knew he had fucked up.

You hadn’t been around in a week. Even on his days off Eddie would come back and hear the others complaining that you hadn’t been in at your usual time. It was doing his head in and his pride wouldn’t let him tell them that it was most likely his fault.

Okay, maybe definitely his fault.

But it was a good thing. No dumb orders with a bunch of substitutions and additives, no analyzing eyes watching over him, no yelling or arguing or anger at all. So it was a good thing. Right?

But if it was so good why didn’t things feel right? He felt himself wondering why he was so off, he’d only known you for a few weeks and every interaction crawled under his skin and made it boil. He was happy to be rid of you. You were too familiar. Made him too nostalgic. Things should have gone back to normal by now. Key word being should.

If his own inner turmoil wasn’t enough, Wayne had also been up his ass every time they spoke. After college, at work, at home. The old man was a ninja. Okay so not Eddie’s best analogy but his point still stood. As soon as he had gotten you off his mind his uncle appeared shoving you right back to the forefront.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Did you say sorry?”

“You have to do something for her.”

“Get off my couch and go fix things Edward.”

God it was a living nightmare there was no escape from. When it wasn’t his own voice it was Wayne’s and vice versa, there was no reprieve.

The voices got louder when he lay sleepless at night. Her face and the tears in her eyes were stuck on loop as he reheard her shaky voice as she last spoke to him. The good part he has left in him regrets it all. Then again the good part of him wants to cry himself to sleep, go buy her a bouquet of flowers and beg for forgiveness. Like hell was that happening. But his mind kept returning to those lingering questions even he couldn’t answer. Why had he pushed her away? She had done nothing wrong and he had yelled at her because of what, her keen observation skills? Her relationship with his uncle?

Because he knew this feeling all too well.

By the time he reached that level he’d given up on sleep opting for a smoke and some coffee. Ain’t no way is he going down that road.

He made his way back inside dumping the cold coffee in the sink as Wayne walked out of his room stretching.

“You’re up early Ed. That’s the third time this week.”

Eddie responds with a grunt of acknowledgement, his eyes darting back to the sink.

“Something on your mind?” Wayne pauses putting his elbows on the bench. “Someone on your mind?”

That was a loaded question. It was very obvious what was on his mind. What Wayne was really trying to ask was what was he going to do about it? And the answer to that was the same as it was the last few days. Nothing.

Wayne sighs and they move around each other as breakfast is made. They both sit on the couch shoveling eggs into their mouths before they had to leave and open the shop.

“You wanna know the four steps to winning back a girl?”

Eddie chokes on his food as he registers these words. He swallows hard and clears his throat. “Okay well first of all I have no need for such tips and second of all I’m in no mood to hear uncle guru’s life hacks this early in the morning when I’m running on caffeine and burnt toast.”

Wayne chuckles. “First off the toast and caffeine is your fault, second, I’m telling you anyway because I think you need to hear it.”

He puts his plate down and leans forward making direct eye contact with his nephew. “Step 1. Break the ice. Step 2. Contact. Step 3. Talk. Step 4. Apologize. 5. Peace Offering. If a girl is mad at you she’ll put up a wall you just gotta charge through that wall. You do something surprising so it stops her from completely icing you out, then you make sure she’s okay with you getting closer again, you start to talk and get her to open up and finally you open up, she feels trusted and she trusts you then to seal the deal you give her something meaningful so she’s always thinking of you. Never fails. Munson guarantee.”

Eddie smiles shaking his head. “Munson guarantee?”

“Munson Guarantee. Works one hundred percent of the time and if it doesn’t then you get a full refund.”

Eddie stands collecting their plates. “I didn’t invest no money in this.”

Wayne stands and scruffles Eddie’s bed hair. “That would be the point my boy.”

Eddie finishes his morning routine in a relatively good mood, every few minutes having a laugh at Wayne’s girl advice.

Five steps to win you back.

Yeah right.

---

He’d been a selfish idiot and sat in his regular spot, placed next to yours. Only for you to walk in, see him, turn tail and sit in the front corner. He couldn’t stop the pang of guilt in his chest when you walked away even though he knew it was coming. The first class in the last fortnight where you weren’t nagging in his ear and he missed it. Nag is the wrong word. You don’t miss nagging. Maybe he just missed you talking to him. But you sat a metaphorical ocean away. He didn’t even have your number. There was no way possible for him to even begin to explain what was going on. Not like he wanted to.

So he moped. He sat with his feet on the desk biting his lip and letting his head fall back. Moping over the unexpected impact losing you had on him. No matter how brief and shallow your interactions were. Suddenly a pop up in the corner of his screen drew his attention. A black textbox with your name at the top.

An email.

A lifeline.

It was just about the project, the first few pieces of sheet music with notes and rewrites. It simply read ‘make sure you have your overlay done by next Monday for when I booked the studio.’ But to him it said so much more. He had a week. Maybe he could fix things.

Wayne’s list got into his head.

Step 1. Break the ice.

Eddie’s first thought of course is, make you laugh. He scrolled through his options for a good minute or so before finding something he had a gut feeling would at least make you smile. He found a gif of a cat typing on a computer with the caption ‘I’m on it!’. He smiled and sent it through, his eyes immediately drifting to you. It took you a few minutes but he watched as your mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly. A huff of amusement passing through your lips before you started typing again. A notification popped up on his screen, a reply.

‘Not funny.’

Progress is progress.

Step 2. Contact.

He didn’t really know how to make contact considering you had been keeping about a miles radius between you two. Luckily his chance came tumbling down some stairs. Quite literally. On your way out of class one of your books had fallen apart, pages falling to the floor. You were on your knees whilst the class had already passed you by. A hand appeared in front of you gathering the spill of paper. You looked up to thank the person it was attached to when you found yourself looking into familiar eyes.

“Thank you so- oh.”

Eddie swallowed holding his pile out to you. You immediately clammed up but took the pile and held it to your chest as you stood.

“Thanks.” You mumbled. He stood slowly to meet you before you walked past him and out the door. He thought that had made no difference until he found you no longer aimed to stay away. You no longer seemed wary of only words of harm leaving his mouth.

At least you weren’t shoving him away with a bargepole anymore.

Step 3. Talk.

Talking to you was evidently not his strong suit but he couldn’t have planned this better. He had your sheet music in hand, half assed notes of his own to make it look like he had questions and concerns. He would tell you he was curious about your style choices and needed an explanation. It was a perfect plan. Yet here he stands in front of you speechless.

“Couldn’t you have just emailed me?”

Shit.

“Well no my laptop crashed yesterday and I didn’t want to just not do the work so uh yeah.” Idiot.

You choose to ignore the fact that you saw him on his laptop in class earlier and you grab the sheet from his hands. You spend the next ten minutes going through his questions and correcting his notes. He fidgets as he sits listening to things he already knows. But you move closer. You point out his mistakes. You make eye contact. You finish your speech and look up at him tiredly.

“Don’t know where I’d be without you angel.”

“Probably be off torturing another girl somewhere.”

Your words hold no poison and he takes that as a victory, he smiles gently back at you.

“Probably. Probably”

Step 4. Apologize.

“Sorry what?” You replied, your face stuffed with a grilled cheese as you rip out your headphones. He was obviously interrupting. Oh well. Too late now.

“I was a dick. I’m sorry.” He said looking to the ground.

You put your food down and turned to face him. “Where’s this coming from? Been waiting for this Eddie all my life. Did your uncle have a go at you or something?”

Yes he did. But he didn’t need you knowing that. “No I just realized you were right. This work involves both of us and its easier when we can tolerate each other being in the same room.”

You sit in a silent state of shock at Eddie’s out of the blue maturity. “Oh. Okay then.” The silence continues as Eddie digs his shoe into the ground and you stare at your food. “Do you um- Do you wanna sit?” You gesture at the opposite bench.

His eyebrows raise. “Uh yeah. Yeah for sure.”

Maybe Wayne was right. It was that easy.

Just one more step.

---

At your usual table sat a familiar coffee cup. One with loafs of bread and leaves scrawled along the rim spotting this you instantly knew where it was from and who put it there. The real question was why.

You walk tentatively closer, eyes catching on the boy sitting in the opposite corner of the room chipping away at his black nail polish avoiding your eyes. Your attention then moves back to the cup as your bag slides off your shoulder and you reach for the cup taking a hesitant sip.

He even added almond milk.

You place the cup back down on the table and only then to you spot the hardly legible writing on the side.

‘Peace Offering?’

---

Taglist:

@micheledawn1975​ , @emma77645​ , @rustboxstarr​ 

[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

July 26th, 2024. Friday.

🌊 Today was good! I got a lot of things done I'd been meaning to do for weeks. I completed:

Looking at a list of programs that apply to my research and the information I'm presenting at the conference in 2 (!!!) weeks. Added it all to the spreadsheet I'm compiling.

Sending in an application to be on an organization's Board of Directors. I got an auto-reject because they got a lot of applications, but that's alright, I put it on my calendar to try again in 6 months.

I drafted the CF scholarship and, on a whim, just submitted it. It was kind've a bad essay but... I just wanted it done. Bad call, and I won't win the scholarship because of it, but that's OK. More writing practice earned and that helps.

Drafted the PC scholarship. This one was WAY hard. Required a brainstorm session with my boyfriend to even figure out what to write about. But I got an outline together, a first draft, and a 2nd draft too. Need to sleep on it though.

In exchange for all the above: skipped all my morning routines except relaxing for an hour. In that hour I wrote a letter to my boyfriend that I'm going to tuck in a book I send him on Monday. There's 2 books he bought when he was here with me that he wanted me to send him, and I'm buying him a copy of a book I think he'll really love too ("Seed to Dust"-- it's an amazing book!) I'm also sending him a sticker of a snail and a frog in a long-distance relationship... it's us!!

So yeah. Very productive with the one-off tasks.

💤 Very tired today. Need to transition fully back onto the looseleaf yerba instead of messing with the canned yerba-- the former of those is more medicinal, the other has like ~150mg caffeine per can. Not good. 💄 So, I was looking at getting myself more makeup/"beauty" supplies because of my new job. Now, I'm a girl who-- until recently-- would consider herself pretty butch. But as I've been trying to get into professionalism more, dressing better at work, etc, I've realized that I get a lot more positive attention when I dress way more femininely. This also plays into the oft-quoted statistic about how women who wear makeup are chosen way more often for promotions/job opportunities/whatever than women who don't. So I figured, since it seems I've finished taking the leap into wearing dresses, now was the time to take the leap into actual makeup.

Now, I have makeup already too. I have these things: foundation, sunscreen, moisturizer, highlighter. That's IT!

So when I mentioned offhandedly several weeks ago that a job in a fancy, rich town wanted to interview me, and I might need to learn makeup, a friend was shocked that I didn't even have a lipstick to speak of.

I ordered this mystery beauty box to fix that. No this isn't an advertisement, I just wanted to share because honestly this fixed my problem elegantly AND made me happy-- win-win!

Everything in the first picture is what I got in the box. 3 lipsticks, 2 eyeshadows, 2 lipliners, 1 eyeliner, 1 undereye highlighter, a bunch of brushes, a ton of spa stuff I'll have to convince myself to use, and more! Now I'll just have to experiment with them lol.

Anyway, yeah, it was pretty and I'm happy.

📦 My parents need help going through boxes in the garage tomorrow. I'll have to drive up home tomorrow morning to help. So, another couple days working on the laptop at their house. Let's see how productive I can be up there...

What has made you happy recently?

Sending happiness your way!!

[Photos: mystery box unpacked, my tie-dye envelope in front of my PC, tie-dye envelope and long-distance snail and frog sticker, mystery box still packaged up.]

[quotidian-oblivion]

I see you have an ask game active so why not send you asks? :D

Also I just realized that I don’t really send you asks and that must be fixed immediately so without further ado

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Share some ideas! I’d love to see it

Ask game

HI VIBEY!!!

Aww, tyy. I really appreciate it! /gen

I have... ideas alright! Hold on- I got a perfect one.

The Rogue's Bi-monthly Meeting

So I wrote this while just being lazy on the bus and my mind was not staying still and kept bouncing around in my skull. I was gonna post it on Tumblr sometime after finishing it, but couldn't bother so. Here ya go, enjoy:

[Jason goes undercover as Red Hood to a rogues' meeting when Bruce got some intel that some of Gotham's rogues get together to discuss plans. Here's how the conversation goes basically.] Riddler: As the nominated chairperson of the bi-monthly rogues meeting, I officially declare this meeting open. State your order of businesses.  [They all give a vague idea of their plans] Penguin: hey wait. You can't attack Gotham City Thomas Wayne Orphanage, Croc. I'm attacking it on the 23rd of April.  Croc: Too bad.  Penguin: Back off. I thought of the idea first.  Riddler: Now now. The whole reason for this meeting is so that we don't pull the same gimmicks over and over. I'm sure there are plenty of other orphanages to go around. Penguin: I don’t want other orphanages. I want this one. It always ticks off Batman more than the others.  Croc: You're supposed to be clever, Penguin. Figure something out.  Penguin, pulling out his umbrella: now listen here you— Riddler: Do you want to be banned from the meetings like Kite-man? No? Then shut your trap.  [Penguin grumbles but sits back down] [They discuss special days and who's doing what on which day and Jason's recording everything when—] Riddler: And what about you, Hood? We still got Christmas Eve, Saturnalia and Eid-ul-Adha. Choose your pick.  Jason, absentmindedly: Uh, Saturnalia. Condiment King: You kidding? There are so many gigs happening at that time that you'll go unnoticed.  Scarecrow: I believe it's the opposite. Batman always had a hard spot for Red Hood. Makes me wonder what he did to earn the Bats' love more than the rest of us. Jason, gritting his teeth: Nunya business. Riddler: Moving on! Now… the vigilantes themselves. Does anyone know if any of the Bats are on their period right now? Catwoman: Black Bat's on hers.  [The whole room bristles with fear] Penguin: There's no way I'm pulling off any gigs now. Scarecrow: This sucks. Croc: Yeah, I'm pulling out. I'm not ready to be paralyzed right now.  Puppeteer: Yeah man, I'm out too. Now's a good time as any to go to that Hawaii trip I've been planning. Jason, mouthing under his helmet: What the fuck? Bane: Why does Black Bat always have to have her periods irregularly? It sucks balls. Riddler, sighing: I agree. And I had cooked up such a beautiful surprise for Batman. Anyway, is Spoiler's periods still regular? Judging from how stiff Firefly is looking, I'd say yes.  Firefly: Those are two Bats who have their period at the same time! Riddler, having giving up on his mission to stay out of Arkham this week: Indeed we are truly in hell. Next order of business is— [Harley and Ivy bust through the doors] Harley: We just got word that Batman just banned Red Robin from drinking coffee! Ivy: Red Robin's on a caffeine withdrawal! [Immediately, the whole room bursts into shrieks. One of them give a classic high-pitched scream] Penguin: Why?! Why?! Can't Batman just let him have his coffee?! And that too on Spoiler’s and Black Bats’ periods! *wails* Riddler: Now I gotta postpone all those riddle hunts I planned! If he wasn't on caffeine withdrawal and two Bats weren’t menstruating, I would have gotten enough time to establish an actual game! Scarecrow: Puppeteer, you got room for one more person for that Hawaii trip? Jason, squirming cuz he was the one who dobbed in Tim's hidden coffee stash: Uh… Can I come?

[cameronfrye666]

How I Unf*cked Myself (a digestive health story)

TLDR (yes a very long TLDR, but this post is proportionally long)

Chronically fatigued and sick as a kid

Repeated courses of antibiotics (probably 20+) and 2x Epstein-barr infection between age 8 and 17

Around age 18 started noticing really weird food intolerances

Couldn’t drink alcohol without insane hangovers lasting 2 weeks+

Couldn’t consume foods high in refined sugar without going into days-to-weeks long episodes of hyperactivity, insomnia & extreme stress

Felt relatively shit eating most carbs

Tried fixing with diet change and vitamin / mineral supplements. Helped some symptoms but didn’t fix the issue.

Tried fixing with various probiotics. Incredibly mixed results - eventually found a regimen that worked for a period of time but, again, didn’t fix the issue.

After a hellish reaction to prebiotic fibre supplements, consulted a gastroenterologist and was diagnosed with Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth, Gut Dysbiosis and an active H. Pylori Infection. Significant Improvement of symptoms following:

10x 14 days Rifaximin (550 mg 3x daily)

H. Pylori Eradication Regimen (one week amoxicillin, clarythromycin, metrodinazole and omeprazole)

2 years of:

Keto / SCD Diet

Either Candibactin AR&BR, FC-Cidal, Dysbiocide & ADP supplements, or Allimed Neem & Cinnamon, alternating every 2 months between them (two caps of each product 3x daily).

Occasional use of natural motility agents depending on symptoms (ginger / artichoke formulations and iberogast). 

This whole process sucked beyond description, if you have gut / digestive issues it is probably affecting your general health & wellbeing more than you realize. 

Intro

I don’t really have anything left to say other than that it was a more painful experience than I think I could ever accurately describe. Gut health seems to be one of the last remaining big frontiers of human health, and I hope they figure it out so no one has to experience this again. I am still moderately lost in the issue but it has at least gotten a lot better recently.

Story

The Descent

February 4th 2012 is a day that I will likely never forget for the rest of my life. I woke up from a relatively short and disrupted sleep around 10am. A close friend of mine who had slept over the night before was sitting on the living room couch watching The Social Network with my dad. It seemed a sensible, logical thing to join them. So I sat down on the couch, and all of a sudden, I couldn’t.  It's hard to explain exactly why I couldn't, but I just felt this immense inability to relax and settle down. Every bone in my body was vibrating, like this immense persistent energy rush. 

I had also had a fair amount of red bull and other sugary soft drinks as mixer the night before, so I chalked this feeling up to a sugar / caffeine spike and decided to try and get on with the day. I had some breakfast, got showered etc., attempted to do some school work and participated in a family Sunday dinner. By about 10pm it began to become clear that this feeling of immense overpowering stress was not dissipating; if anything, it had gotten worse.

The next two weeks were an incredibly disorienting, painful and confusing experience. Rather than alleviate, the symptoms more or less persisted, although they would ebb and flow throughout the day. I started to notice that I felt the best first thing in the morning (important to note that "best" is a very relative term here) and worst from the late afternoon into evening, with a notable spike directly after dinner hour. I was living in a complete fog. I lost all emotional contact with the world around me. All I felt all day was this persistent restlessness and stress and a complete inability to get rid of it no matter what I did (showering, watching movies, lying down in bed etc.). I just felt like someone had mainlined adrenaline into one of my veins and wouldn’t turn off the tap. It is the most excruciatingly painful thing I have ever experienced, or think I am ever likely to experience. In some way, it is almost impossible to explain in normal words. 

It was at the end of these two weeks that I finally decided to consult a doctor. Everyone here will likely be unsurprised to hear that he suggested I was suffering from a temporary bout of anxiety. Although I have certainly been anxious about my fair share of things in the past (studies, personal relationships etc.), I could feel that this was something quite different. On top of that, there was just nothing in my life bothering me at that time. I had great friends, had already been accepted to the University of my choice and was staring down the barrel of four months of school where my academic results didn’t matter anymore and then a three month summer break. I was offered some tranquilizers or anti-anxiety meds for my symptoms, but I wasn’t really interested in trying them as I wanted to get to the root of whatever the issue was. 

The only other suggestion he had for me was to maybe take a look at my diet. He noticed I was twitching a lot and I offered that I had recently suffered some bad muscle cramps as well, so he suggested that after a bout of mononucleosis earlier in the year and a long winter with little sun, I may be deficient in a few things. He prescribed me a short course of magnesium and vitamin b-12 supplements and sent me on my way.

Over the next month, with the supplements only sort of helping and with me still watching my life essentially completely fall apart around me (barely able to attend school, permanently unwell, chronically stressed, insomniac etc., almost complete loss of social life) I consulted a few more doctors. They more or less all had the same response: you can try antidepressants and/or tranquilizers, but otherwise, sorry, we can't help you. A few also questioned the nutritional supplement prescription.

It was at this point that I started to feel I was more or less on my own in whatever this was.

Part II: Ascent #1

The three months following the initial onset of my symptoms were probably some of the worst of my life, which, considering everything I’ve experienced over the last decade+, is really saying something. I was in a completely emotionally disconnected state, basically felt only stress on a daily basis, and had no idea what was going on.

The only real nuggets of information I had that I trusted were that (i) it might be nutrition-related and (ii) caffeine and/or alcohol were clearly bad for me. I started doing a load of research into what causes nutritional deficiencies and imbalances, how to correct them, and what a healthy diet looks like. Prior to this I had been more or less unconcerned about what I ate or drank in a day, although my diet was reasonably healthy mostly just due to my mother's cooking.

My readings on diet led me to make a few changes. First, I changed from a magnesium oxide supplement to magnesium bisglycinate, for better absorption. Then, I switched to an entirely refined-sugar free, whole grain diet high in unprocessed meats and vegetables. Lastly, I started taking almost nightly electrolyte salt baths (either epsom salt or dead-sea salt).

Although none of these changes cured me by any means, very slowly, I started to feel somewhat better. I could feel moderate improvements on a daily basis. Some days were better than others, but overall things were on an upwards trend. From this point onwards I became almost completely convinced that my symptoms were the result of a nutritional imbalance and that I would cure them through diet and supplementation.

Then, something very strange happened, which, in retrospect, should have pointed me in the direction of my ultimate diagnosis. I went into hospital to have my tonsils removed (as mentioned I had been very sick as a kid), and when I came out later the next day I had a very strange level of emotional clarity. Somehow everything was less painful, and although the crazy stress symptoms weren't totally gone, the improvement in just 36 hours felt drastic. At the time I thought maybe it was painkillers I had been given, perhaps the IV drip they put me on post-op? In retrospect, it was most definitely the high-dose amoxicillin I had been taking since the operation for reasons I can explain later on.

Part III: Stasis #1

That summer things more or less stabilized. Nothing was ever quite as good as the days and week following the tonsillectomy, but the insane debilitating stress didn't come back either, so overall I couldn't complain. From a mental point-of-view I was sort of able to return to normal life other than having to watch my diet and avoid substance. I started university in the fall and was successful despite the obvious social constraints that came along with my new health regimen.

The years following this were pretty up and down. I was able to get through my university courses, have some semblance of a social life, and never returned to the manic stress state of my initial descent. That being said, I never felt "quite right" again. It is hard to place, but my health just still felt very poor. I had low energy, slept a lot, often felt quite irritable, and had very poor performance in sporting activities despite previously being a strong athlete.

The main salient point that came out of this period was that I started to notice that high-sugar foods could bring on shorter-term episodes that mimicked the time period of the original onset of my symptoms. In one instance, I almost failed a university exam after consuming a jelly-filled donut the day before and becoming almost literally incapable of processing information for a few days afterwards. Suffice to say, I completely cut sugar from my diet from this point onwards.

I also tried a few Myers' cocktail IV drips (basically a mix of magnesium, calcium and b-vitamins) during this time period as part of my thinking on the issue being caused by nutritional deficiency. I would feel pretty great for a few days following them (improved sleep, able to focus while studying, good energy for exercise) but then go back to my same poor-health state afterwards. This only compounded my belief that the issue was purely nutritional in nature. Alongside this I consulted some nutritionists and diet specialists, and they recommended me some further supplements and dietary changes, but none of it made that overwhelming of a difference compared to the changes I’d already made. 

Part IV: Descent #2

For four years life went on in the position described above, at least from a health point-of-view. I had found a regimen that kept me functional and stable, and for the most part stuck to it and tried to forget about it all and get on with life. It was great to find some stability, but at the same time as an early twenty-something in University, having to stick to a pretty strict diet and lifestyle just wasn’t all that much fun.

So somehow I got the idea in my head that having found this stability, I must actually be cured of whatever it was and could go back to eating & drinking whatever I wanted. I got an 8-month research placement in France in 2016 and decided that I would just let loose and enjoy myself during that time. Upon arriving I quite quickly returned to being totally free with what I consumed, although perhaps still went light on very sugary foods. For the first few weeks, I felt great. I mean maybe not totally physical well, but it was just so mentally liberating to not think about this stuff anymore. I had a lot of fun going out with my new roommate, going on dates and just living life in a more free way. 

Around the second month of being there I started to notice some chronic unwelness creeping back in. My sleep was starting to become quite poor, I had terrible focus at work and wasn’t accomplishing much, and would feel really unwell after most meals. I ignored it for a while.

By the third month, it was almost panic stations again. I don’t know why I didn’t react to this sooner, probably I was just trying to deny how bad it was getting again, but by mid-March (I had started worked in January), I was bordering on being physically non-functional again. I couldn’t do much other than spend most days in bed when I wasn’t at work, felt constantly agitated, was achieving essentially nothing on a daily basis (thankfully I was working in a French R&D centre where very little was happening at the best of times), and just felt constantly ill. It was not quite the return to the extreme stress of the first episode but I was still really unwell and uncomfortable most of the time. 

I wasn’t really sure what to do, but I knew I really didn’t want to do another 6-months of diet control just to get back to a sort-of sufferable health state, so I started coming up with ideas for a quick fix. The only thing I really had was that those IV cocktails had made me feel pretty great, and since I was still in this mode of thinking it was all due to nutritional deficiency, I hoped that might be an easy solution (the logic being that alcohol and poor diet had lowered my micronutrient levels and I could just reverse it). It seemed this wasn’t available privately in Paris, so I went to London for the weekend just to get one. 

What happened after that infusion is one part of this story that I still do not understand whatsoever. Within hours of getting the Myers drip, rather than feeling great, I felt catastrophically unwell. I did not sleep that whole night and for most of the rest of the weekend, and returned to Paris in a complete fog. The feeling persisted for some weeks. I have a few ideas of what it could have been - too much B-complex which can give you energy rushes, some kind of micronutrient overdose / toxicity since I was still taking lots of supplements on top of the IV at that time, or some kind of immune reaction - but really I don’t know. Suffice to say I never took one again.

Part V: Ascent #2

The terrible reaction to that IV drip started to put the idea in my head that maybe this whole thing wasn’t just related to nutrition and / or a micronutrient deficiency. So I started doing a lot of searching online about what else can affect digestion, intolerance to certain foods, and associated unexplained chronic health symptoms. The thing that kept on coming up was the gut microbiome. I had heard of probiotics before, and knew that yoghurt was supposed to help your digestion, but outside of that I was pretty uneducated. All I could really tell was that it might be worth a shot trying a probiotic supplement to see if it would help.

So, being me, I went online and found the strongest, highest-dose probiotic supplement I could find, or at least on amazon.fr . It was the Renew Life Ultimate Care probiotic with a dose of 200 Billion live cultures (I didn’t know about vivomixx and other 400Bn+ clinical products at the time). The night it arrived, I popped a dose and went to bed, and then another first thing in the morning. By the time I had eaten breakfast and arrived at work around 9am, I felt violently ill. I was sweating, had a pounding headache and felt like I was going to vomit at any moment. I managed to hold it together for the morning, barely managed to stomach lunch and then went home as soon as people started to leave (around 4pm). 

I immediately went to google and started searching for what could cause this, and the main thing that came up was something called the Jarrisch-Herxheimmer reaction. I’m not sure what the clinical validation for this is, but the general understanding is that when something starts killing off pathogens in your body (which probiotics will do when they enter a pathogenic environment), they release toxins and inflammatory cytokines (can do a search yourself) into the body / bloodstream and you feel really unwell. Basically you are starting a fight between good & bad bacteria in your body and you feel the effects of it.

In some sense I was kind of excited that this had happened. The fact that I felt so violently unwell from taking probiotics perhaps pointed to the fact that I did have some kind of gut issue, which was a potentially useful revelation, although in the meantime I still felt horrendously ill. Most advice indicated that the reaction was temporary until you got “over the hump” but by day 7 I was still sick and things were only getting worse, so I stopped taking the pills altogether. 

After looking into how I could manage this better, it seemed like low-dose pills or small amounts of probiotic foods could be a way to manage the reaction while still improving, and as there was a health food store on my street, I decided to start experimenting with Kefir. The first night just to see I drank 2 cups of the stuff and of course felt violently ill again. I then embarked on a months-long journey of upping my dose from just tea-spoons to being able to tolerate about 1/2 to 1 cup per night. 

Within about six months I was able to dose freely with Kefir, and was eating other probiotic foods like sauerkraut and kimchi, all to positive effect. I managed to return to school following the end of my research placement, and although I still didn’t feel great, I would say I had made it back to another “stasis period”. 

My next hypothesis for improvement was to switch from probiotic foods to a supplement again, although just because it was simpler to take than cups of kefir and / or plates of sauerkraut every night. I experimented with quite a few that I found online. I tolerated most of them that had a dose of 100Bn bacteria or less, although somehow still felt better eating the fermented food. Eventually, I tried the Renew Life Mood & Stress probiotic (no longer in production) because it had some strains that were clinically proven to reduce stress levels, which had been one of my main symptoms in bad periods, and it seems to work quite well. I wouldn’t say it completely changed how I felt on a daily basis but it kept me stable to the point that I could stop having to drink Kefir all the time and things felt mostly alright. I felt as if I had found the answer at least for a little while.

Part VI: Stasis #2

This period was the longest in this whole mess. For six years from 2016 to 2022 I just took my daily probiotic supplement, kept a fairly clean diet, and once again got on with life. In this time I graduated from University, moved cities within Canada, and then moved to London to found a start-up which I am still a director of (it has nothing to do with gut health). Until 2018 I would occasionally drink when social engagements came up, but I still always felt somewhat sick after. After feeling ill for almost two weeks after drinking heavily at a company Christmas party, I gave up alcohol entirely. I also never really returned to high-sugar foods for how unwell they had made me feel in the past and also just lack of need (I always found not drinking much more socially inhibiting that not eating deserts and the like). 

It was in the spring of 2022 that, after 5-6 years of stasis, I once again became fed up with the whole thing. I was a young professional in my late twenties at this point and just didn’t understand why I had to take a probiotic supplement (of which I could only tolerate doses on the lower end) and eat a strict diet just to feel somewhat normal. I had considered longer-term solutions like getting a Fecal Microbiota Transplant to try and solve the issue once and for all, but most things like that were only offered privately, were expensive and the providers that did exist seemed a bit suspect (most FMT-type treatments are only available in clinical trials or for C-dificile infections at the moment). 

Somewhere in here a nurse I spoke to at an FMT clinic I had called told me to try going keto and see if it helped. I did it and felt pretty awesome for four months but lost a ton of weight (I was already very skinny) and found it very hard to maintain (especially socially). I eventually gave it up returned to a whole-grain high-protein diet. 

Part VII: Descent #3

After considering various options of how I reasonably could take action to improve my health and general life condition, I came up with the solution of finding a Nutritionist experienced in gut health issues. I had spent a lot of time avoiding medical professionals after my initial bad experiences with doctors and nutritionists either not being able to help or actually being actively unhelpful by questioning all of the symptoms and whether my reactions to foods were just psychosomatic, but I decided it was time to try again. I found a registered dietician in London who also had a PhD in gut microbiome research, which seemed like a great fit.

I shared my whole story with all of my symptoms and current condition, and although she had some questions about my sugar reaction and some of the weirder extended stress symptoms, she mostly accepted the story and that I clearly had some kind of untreated gut health issue. Her recommendation was that my diet was already positive (although could try introducing a few more carbs) and that the probiotic I was taking was as good as could be recommended by current knowledge in the field (noted that it is generally quite personal which ones work for some people and others not, and they don’t really know why). 

In terms of path forward, she recommended that I try introducing some more prebiotic foods and potentially a prebiotic supplement. Going down the list of my daily diet, it was already quite prebiotic / fibre-heavy, so we decided to try a supplement. The idea is that the prebiotic fibre helps feed and grow more of the probiotics you are taking in the supplement, and will improve your gut health. 

I started taking a daily dose (12g) of inulin, the best-validated prebiotic supplement available. The first few days I didn’t feel great and had pretty upset digestion, but nothing crazy. After about 3-4 days, I started having a reaction similar to the first time I ever tried high-dose probiotics. I felt pretty spaced out, generally ill, and hadn’t much appetite or desire for food. I interpreted this as being another Herxheimer reaction, so decided to stick with the supplementation. After about 1 month I still felt really unwell. Most days were a struggle to get through, I was in a total fog, and felt a lot of the extreme stress sensitivity of my initial low-points creeping back in. I spoke to the nutritionist and we decided that I would reduce my inulin dose or stop taking it all together. I reduced my dose by 1/2 and then by 1/3 but still felt increasingly unwell, so two weeks later stopped taking it all together. 

The next month was very uncomfortable. I felt quite ill most days, had general nausea / feelings of disorientation, wasn’t really tolerating most foods, and wasn’t sure what was going on again. In a last ditch, I decided to stop taking all supplements (at this point just my daily probiotic). For about two weeks after stopping the probiotics I didn’t feel all that different, but then somewhere around 12-14 days in, things started to go seriously south. Day by day, or even hour by hour at one point, I started to feel things degrading at first back to the all-day stress symptoms I had in the very beginning of this whole journey, and then to a version like 100x worse than that.

At one point I didn’t sleep for almost five days. My heart was permanently bounding out of my chest, and I was just in excruciating pain every single minute of the waking hours. I had to quit my job for a period of time, and my life was otherwise completely turned upside down. Without going into too many specifics, as I have tried to focus at first on the health aspect here, this is also the closest I came to thinking that perhaps life had just not really worked out for me and it was time to consider giving up on it. For whatever reason I still don’t completely understand, I stuck with it and suffered through the worst.

The greatest intensity of these symptoms lasted for about a month. I went back on the keto diet just because I had felt well on it in the past and didn’t really know what else to do, and after 5-6 weeks I was able to return to work, although only part-time, and somewhat get a handle on my life. I still felt pretty unwell most of the time, and had become quite isolated personally and socially because of it, but at least it felt like the adrenaline tap had lowered a bit and I could mostly suffer through each day. 

From a health-hypothesis point of view, I was a bit at wits end. I had contacted the nutritionist again and although she agreed the prebiotics can cause an adverse health reaction in some individuals for reasons not well understood, she didn’t really accept most of what I was saying around the extreme stress symptoms returning, and seemed a bit doubtful of me and what I was presenting. I decided that was about as far as we could continue together. Although I don’t deny I was in a terrible mental state at that time (which would be the case for anyone given the circumstances), I was completely convinced, and am unwavering to this day about the fact that the principal source of my issue was a serious, unadressed physical condition.

Part VIII: Ascent #3

All I felt I really had left was to go to a hospital and just accept whatever treatment they proposed (whether tranquilizers, sedation, some other drug or therapy I wasn’t aware of) or lay it all out for an experienced gastroenterologist / digestive specialist and just see what happened. I had often thought of seeking a specialist doctor, but was wary as pretty much all GPs and other doctors had been quite dismissive of my symptoms and assumed condition in the past. Here, however, we were quite literally in the “nothing to lose” position. With how things had gone the last months and my current life situation, I felt that if I didn’t fix this once and for all there was quite little point in continuing to live. 

Luckily, I am at least somewhat a person of means, and in the UK there is quite an availability of private medical specialists who will see you for a cash fee. I went to one I had found from a private doctor review website who seemed to have some experience in chronic digestive and gut health issues. I explained to him this entire story, perhaps not quite in such detail and with such emotional weight around specifics of how bad it felt, but largely my reaction to certain foods, how I had tried to manage it over the years, and my current situation. 

Firstly, he broadly accepted most of what I was saying, which was quite relieving in the first instance. His answer, although inconcrete, was that digestive health is, even for him and other experts, a very poorly understood area. He couldn’t say exactly why this was happening to me, but if I had the time and money he was willing to start looking into it with me and see if there were any potential solutions. For the first time, I felt as if an established member of the medical community was accepting their own blind spots in whatever this issue was , and willing to try and help.

His first suggestion was to run some tests to rule out more common and well-understood digestive disorders like Inflammatory Bowel Disease and Ulcerative Colitis. These all came back negative. Upon these results, he suggested that given my reaction to the prebiotic fibre and previous reaction to carbs and high-sugar foods, the most likely explanation was a chronic case of Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth or SIBO.  The way to diagnose would be a sugar or lactulose (another prebiotic) breath-test, and the treatment being a course of a choice of antibiotics to wipe out the overgrowth and try to correct the dysbiosis (gut microbiota imbalance). 

I was quite open that I didn’t really feel comfortable trying a sugar or prebiotic-fuelled test at that time, given how precarious my health and life position was and my previous reaction to both of those substances. He suggested that since the point of the test is to see if either the sugar or lactulose cook up any bad bacteria and produce gas, and I had already shown a very negative anecdotal reaction to both with associated gas production, he was happy to just prescribe an empirical dose of the antibiotics. 

This is now going back a bit, but as a child I was given a tremendous amount of antibiotics. I am fairly convinced that that is what caused all these issues for me, or was at least the main contributor. So naturally I was a bit wary of another doctor giving me more antibiotics, although I trusted this new one quite a lot. I eventually found online that there is some validation of natural antimicrobial and anti fungal substances being helpful in treating overgrowths and gut dysbiosis, so I decided to explore those options first. They are mostly all formulations of herbal oils and concentrates. It’s the sort of thing I would have been quite skeptical of before all of this started, but at this point I had had so many unexpected negative and positive reactions to different foods, supplements and treatments that I was more or less willing to try anything.

The best validated one is called Candibactin. It’s a combined treatment of mostly Oregano Oil and a Chinese Herb called berberine. I ordered some online and decided to give it a whirl. By my third dose, I was having an extremely intense version of what I experienced when I first took probiotics. Persistent headaches, sweating, lack of appetite, general unwellness and pain. It felt like an extremely intense flu and at some point I felt like I was spiking a fever. I chalked this up to the Herxheimmer reaction again and stuck with it. Once again, by about day 7, the symptoms were still extremely intense and I had to give up on the treatment. Interestingly, although I was in extreme discomfort, my digestion had normalized in this time (I will spare you the description). I didn’t really know what to make of this but it is interesting that the supplements had at least done something. 

Following the experience on the herbal supplement which I had no desire to repeat for the moment, my symptoms somewhat stabilized although didn’t return to what they were prior to starting them. I wouldn’t say I felt notably better or worse but just “different”. I decided it was time to give the pharmaceuticals a go and see if I could tolerate them or if they were helpful in some other way, so I took a two week course of Rifaximin (the drug they give for SIBO). Being on Rifaximin was an extremely painful experience, but not quite as bad as the herbal supplements so I managed to push through it and by the end it had had quite a positive effect on me. I still didn’t feel great after the Rifaximin, and continued to work only part-time, but it had definitely done something. 

Somewhere in here I also commissioned a microbiome stool test, which showed I had a quite significant dysbiosis (low levels of lactobacilli with almost undetectable levels of bifidobacterium, and a strong overgrowth of H2S-producing pathogens). It also showed I had an active H-Pylori infection and extremely poor absorption of fat and other macronutrients. Off the back of it the gastro prescribed me a triple-course of antibiotics to clear the H-Pylori and attributed the poor absorption to persistent SIBO. The triple-therapy for H. Pylori was a horrible experience and I actually ended up in hospital and was told to stop taking one of the drugs (Flagyl / Metronidazole) because it was giving me tinnitus, insomnia and general disorientation, which apparently can be a side effect, but the treatment otherwise worked. 

After this latest course of antibiotics, I was, as before, not in a life-ending position, but my health was still quite bad. I was not accomplishing much at work, and I had essentially no social life. I decided something had to change, so I told my work I would take two months off after Christmas and do whatever I needed to do to solve this thing. The two remaining options I had before me were to try the herbal formulations again, or eat a completely liquid diet for 2-3 weeks to try and starve the pathogenic overgrowth (actually a clinically validated method of treating SIBO).

I first tried a fat-based version of the elemental diet first (most are sugar-based and I didn’t want to test that again), but it caused extremely painful stomach-burning feelings, which apparently can be caused by caprylic acid in the MCT oil it is primarily composed of, and I stopped after two days. After meditating on it for about five days I decided to just re-start the herbal formulations and endure whatever pain it caused me until this thing was hopefully cured. 

So began two years of varied supplementation and antibiotics. I switched off the Candibactin formulation at one point to another called FC-cidal & Dysbiocide, as is recommended to avoid building resistance, although this is less common with the natural products, and also took multiple further courses of Rifaximin as things weren’t progressing as quickly as I’d hoped. The experience was painful but in different ways than it had been the first time around, and also took a lot longer than I expected, although I suppose after 10 years at it that shouldn’t have been surprising. I am not entirely sure why being on the herbals the second time around was less extreme than the first. I don’t know if they were less effective than at the first exposure, or that something about my situation had changed, but it was different in some way. It’s also worth noting that pretty much the whole time I was taking the herbal supplements & Rifaximin I stayed on a Keto or SCD diet (specific carbohydrate diet, basically no starches and reduced carb), although I’ve moved off this in recent months as I’ve started to feel better.

Part IX: Today

Something seems to have worked. I can’t point to it concretely or specifically, I am not a microbiologist or a gastroenterologist, but my life feels so much better now than it did when all this kicked off, and I feel very positive about the future. I am actually back on a 3-month course of Rifaximin that my gastro has prescribed me at the moment to see if we can totally kick the issue, and will probably follow-up with some kind of diet / supplement regimen for some time after that, but either way my symptoms are so much improved by what I've done in the last two years that that feels like a success. I can't say that the problem is gone forever or would never come back but I definitely understand it a lot better and have a lot of tools to make sure that my life doesn't fall apart again like it did those last three times.

I still don’t really know what this all means to me personally. The process of getting better (trying the prebiotic, having my health collapse, taking the various pharmaceutical & herbal antibiotics) almost destroyed me as a person. At some point I had distanced myself almost completely from my job, my girlfriend at the time, most friends and pretty much any semblance of a normal social life or any life at all. For the better part of a year life was really just an existence of suffering every day and hoping to make it to the next one. Despite that, and that of course things always can or could have gone differently, I unfortunately feel as if at a high level I had no other choice. I was completely unwilling to spend the rest of my life living below my full potential of enjoyment, and was always going to do whatever it took to get there. I am sometimes shocked that I managed to survive all of this, but I am here, still living and will try to deal with whatever the experience has done to me in the same way I dealt with the issue itself: by living it, experiencing it day by day, not turning away from it, and knowing that no matter how dark the world can become, so long as you are still here, it is not really over. 

Although the physical symptoms were and have been excruciatingly painful, one of the most difficult things about this whole experience has been the level of misunderstanding and invalidation, both from the medical community and from some friends, family, other personal acquaintances and the general public, around what happened to me. I understand that it is a difficult story to follow, but unfortunately it was all very real and somehow I managed to find a route out of it for now. One day the medical community will figure this out and understand what happened to me and others like me (because they are also out there in very sad corners of the internet - links below), and share it with the world to build our collective understanding and compassion. Until then it is strange to be one of the few people to know all of this and what this experience feels like and has felt like, but I am trying day by day to come closer to people and understand why we aren’t yet equipped as a society to address these kinds issues on multiple fronts. I don’t blame anyone for not understanding what was happening to me, but the few who did and were willing to listen at the time are angels and I’m not sure I would have gotten through it without them.

Eventually I hope I will fully recover from all of this. Physically, mentally, emotionally, because it has touched every aspect of my life over the last twelve years. Until then I am just here living every day in this strange situation of being a survivor of such a horrible, confusing and largely misunderstood problem. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/ibs/comments/jpkol3/how_probiotics_destroyed_my_health_long_storyrant/

[thin-line-between-us]

Morals

Alexis Drazen x Reader

A story in which an overworked nurse gets herself into a tricky situation by being kind

Word count: 2956

Pt. 1 of what might become a series

This is set in a world where Elizabeth did less damage to his insides than in the show

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November nights in California were not particularly cold, but you’d never catch me outside without at least a sweater, which is exactly what I threw on over my surprisingly clean scrubs before leaving the cold, sanitary confines of my job. 24 hour shifts were not a regular occurrence, but we were understaffed for a week now and sometimes you had to take one for the team. My eyelids felt heavy and driving home felt almost unsafe in this condition. Coffee, the thought popped up as I was about to leave the break room after collecting a few stray things. Was it the best coffee in town? God no, sometimes it looked like someone had poured dirty water in the pot and called it a day. It did have its perks though; it was highly caffeinated and acted fast enough that by the time I left the elevator my mood had been slightly lifted.

“Where is he?! I swear he was here a few minutes ago, he shouldn’t even be able to walk yet” The commotion on the other end of the hallway caused me to pick up my stride towards the exit in case it was something horrid enough to keep me here even a minute longer and away from my warm shower and fresh comfortable clothes. A gust of wind hit me right in the face as I stepped outside and it was so nice to finally be away from everything and everyone. 

The parking lot was almost empty now, but it sure wasn’t when I came to work and I cursed myself for not looking to park closer. Turning the corner to where I parked my car I was met with an ass. Quite literally. First thing I see is a man in a hospital gown that had obviously been put on haphazardly as his whole backside was exposed due to someone forgetting the second tie. I looked him up and down for a few seconds before realization hit me. 

“If you’re trying to rob me or steal my car, you have very poor taste. The on-call doctor’s car was like 50 feet behind me and it’s a lot more valuable, plus he’s kind of a douche so I won’t tell” I said as I was still standing a safe distance away from the now startled man. I could see him tense and turn around so fast I spilled some coffee on myself from his sudden movement making me flinch. I knew I wasn’t in any danger the moment he grabbed his forehead and fell on his knees, the blood seeping into the front of his gown now much more visible to me under the barely there lights. At that point instinct kicked in and I lunged at him, forgetting he might still be armed “Whoa there buddy, let's get you back inside before you do something the people inside can’t fix alright?” but whilst I grabbed him to help him up he kept me firmly down by him and I had a moment of clarity that this might’ve been a bad idea.

“I’m not going back inside, I’d rather die here” was all I got as a response before he looked up. He had no anger or crazy in his eyes and I’ve seen both before, they looked like he had given up. He loosened his grip on me and sat back against my car but I no longer had the urge to run, he needed help and I knew I was going to be the said help unless I wanted him to take his last breath right here in this parking lot. “Okay we don’t have to go back in there, is there anywhere else I can take you? Preferably another hospital because you do need medical attention and the sooner the better” I tried to talk softly since he did have what seemed like a scalpel in his hand which he most likely used to attempt a break in mere moments ago. “I… don’t think so. No place that will be safe for me” shit, shit, shit was all that was running through my mind as I listened to him and knew I’ll regret my own suggestion. “Okay well I have a first aid kit here, but I’m pretty sure you ripped some stitches and if hospitals are a no… will you come home with me? That sounds bad but I promise I won’t finish you off, not a killer” I raised my hands in defense, smacking myself internally for even bringing that up and even worse, asking a stranger who already sounds like bad news into my home. 

When he attempted to get up from his position on the cold hard ground I took that as his agreement and held out my hand to assist him, which he gladly took before I realized my keys were still somewhere in my bag. “Lean back on the car for a minute, I don’t have my keys and if they are as hard to find as usual I don’t want you toppling over again in that time” he just nodded and shifted his weight backwards, not once stopping his looking around as if at any moment someone will jump out of the shadows and get him. He might not be crazy, but he sure is paranoid I thought to myself as I prepared to fight my overstuffed duffel bag. However, today luck was on my side as I opened the bag and my keys shined on top of everything. I pulled them out and unlocked the car, the stranger didn’t move, instead he held his hand out silently asking for the keys “No way, not a chance, not happening, get in the passenger seat. Last thing I need is you passing out from blood loss whilst driving, you already look like a ghost, who knows maybe you’re a hallucination” I heard what almost sounded like a chuckle from the man as i rambled on about his grim state before he shifted and slowly moved around whilst firmly holding on to the car for support. I got in and closed my door before he even got half way to his destination, briefly internally debating leaving him before pinching myself for even thinking such things. He finally got to his side and sat with a loud groan from his obvious discomfort. I started the car and pulled out of the lot going towards home before either one of you could once again think this was a bad idea. 

“Do you take wounded strangers home often? Or am I a special case? Because I don’t need pity, you decided that I shouldn’t die tonight” he finally spoke and this time I could hear an accent coming from him, his words were so quiet earlier that I hadn’t even noticed. His statement seemed very serious though  “No pity, got that. Does that mean I can stick a needle in you without any painkillers or numbing? Always wanted to try that and they don’t let you do it in hospitals” I tried lightening up the mood, but he seemed perplexed, as if he couldn’t quite tell if I was joking. His stare was intense, I could feel it send shivers up my spine but I didn’t dare to take my eyes off the road for even a second until I was safely parked by my small apartment building, it was nothing fancy but it sure was peaceful with only a few people living around me and most of those being elders. They’d be asleep or getting ready to by this time, so the chances of running into them with a bloody and slightly intimidating man were slim to none. 

“Alright, we’re here but I do have to warn you, I’m up on the second floor and there’s no elevator, think you can manage? I can always bring everything down and stitch you up in the trunk but that’s a little too trying to help roadkill for my taste” dark humor was not helping right now and I could see that from his scrunched face at the thought. He didn’t waste time opening his door but getting out was a different story. At that point leaving my work bag seemed like a no-brainer since I’d have to act as a human crutch for someone towering over me by at least half a foot. I popped the keys in my pocket and jogged over to his side before he could struggle too much, potentially doing more damage. No hesitation or questions were heard from the guy as he took my outstretched hand and leaned on my shoulders once on his feet. The trip upstairs was not as bad as I had first imagined it and once we were inside I chose to waste no time.

The moment he was stable on a chair in the kitchen I ran to gather supplies, everything I could possibly need as I still didn’t know the extent of his injury, he ran away from a hospital, how bad could it possibly be? Once I had everything laid out on the table from simple bandages to a suture kit, I froze. He had started slowly pulling his arm out of his gown, “Name!” I blurted out louder than I had intended and he once again had that look of confusion written all over his face, ‘Your name, can I at least know your name before you get naked in my kitchen?” I explained myself, looking at his face for more than a millisecond since meeting him. He was a very attractive man even if he was visibly a few shades paler, and I was right to avoid his gaze in the car, his blue eyes made it look like he was looking right into my soul. “Alexis” was his very short and simple answer before he continued shedding his gown painfully slow until he saw that it was stuck to his bloody torso. Alexis tugged at it once before realizing that was a mistake as he scowled and threw a few foreign words out at the sensation.

“See what would you do without me now?” I rolled my eyes as he leaned back letting me take care of the problem. All he needed was something wet and sterile to remove the gown with much less pain than his initial approach. I sprayed the bloody patch and waited for it to soak in, going in once more to make sure it was really detached before gently peeling it from the wound and skin around it. That gave me a quick moment to take in the fact that he was very well built, as I placed the fabric on his lap trying to keep him decent although he didn’t seem concerned at all. “I think I might need you to lay down, seems they repaired whatever internal damage you had and it stayed but you ripped a few stitches on the outside and I don’t want it to heal all crooked” I explained examining the wound “Get comfy on the table and I’ll be right back” I picked up all the unnecessary supplies to free up space for him to lay down before walking to my bathroom to put it all away. 

The last thing I expected was the first thing I saw walking into the room which elicited a very loud high pitched squeal from me. Even the unbothered Alexis was startled and snapped his head in my direction. Whilst I worried about keeping him covered minutes ago, he had hopped up on the table not bothering with the flimsy piece of material over his lap. “Not cool dude!” I walked around him trying to shield myself from the view as best as I could and still see where I’m going. I snatched the blanket from the back of the couch and threw it in his general direction. “You missed.” Oh great I thought to myself before turning to see where it had landed, but it was already draped over his lap. You wouldn’t have complained about him naked in any other situation because frankly it was a nice view but this was not the time for silly shenanigans. 

“I thought I was clear on the lay down part and why” I crossed my arms looking at him with whatever seriousness I could pull together at the moment. He complied and I finally approached him pulling on clean gloves and opening the suture kit “This will hurt Mr. Tough guy” I cleaned the area one more time before putting the needle through his skin. Almost instantly his arm was at my side squeezing gently but his face remained unfazed as he stared at the ceiling refusing to acknowledge what was happening to his torso. Second plunge into the skin and it was my turn to wince as his grip got painful, but the moment any sound left my lips he released it. A gentle sorry was all that was heard as he continued staring at what seemed to be the most interesting ceiling in the world. “Who got you this good? Seems like you pissed someone off” I let a smile slip as I thought about some of the ridiculous stories previous patients have told about their own stab wounds. Sometimes even I couldn’t believe the stuff that came out of peoples mouths. “A woman. Shouldn’t anger them, they can be ruthless” now he was looking at me and smiling even as I put in the last stitch and tied it off. “Ah so an angry girlfriend, better not tell her where you are or she might actually kill you this time” I cut the thread and opened up a bandage, sticking it right over the long line of stitches to protect them from any dirt. “Wait right here, do not move an inch” I was already on my way to the bedroom as I warned him with a very non threatening finger point. The box in the back of my closet was dusty but I was sure it would finally pay off keeping this stuff, he seemed about the right size. A pair of boxers, a t-shirt and sweatpants were easy enough to find and in no time I was back with Alexis in the kitchen, handing him the clothing “They don’t seem your style exactly but you can’t really complain either, it’s that or the blanket” as soon as the clothing was in his hands I turned around hoping he’ll get the hint to put it on. “And here I thought you liked me lying naked on a table” he joked around which made things at least that much less awkward, but soon enough I could hear the shuffling and a few grunts here and there as he strained to put on the garments.

Not even a minute passed before I felt a tap on my shoulder probably meaning I could turn around and not be met with Alexis in his birthday suit. Everything fit him almost perfectly except for the shirt clinging to his broad shoulders with the threat of tearing at any sudden movement, he was much broader than Brad but he was also taller so the shirt sat just right above his waistband. “You like what you see?” snapped me right out of my ogling and back to reality. “No” came out harsher than I intended but he was still a stranger even if he was a little mesmerizing. “You have a place to go? Pretty sure girlfriend is out of the question” I crossed my arms again trying to avoid his soul crushing stare. “Not my girlfriend, I said a woman, not my woman” he leaned back lightly on the counter not moving to leave and completely ignoring the actual question. “I have some spare sheets, couch is fine to sleep on but you will feel like your back snapped in half by the morning, my bedroom is off limits and the bathroom is right there” I pointed to the door to the right of my bedroom before quickly scurrying to pull out a pillow and some sheets for him. I didn’t feel like asking again fearing he might feel unwelcome even if he has nowhere else to go. 

This time the surprise in my living room was less shocking and more endearing, Alexis was already asleep curled up on the couch draped in the same blanket he had used to cover up earlier. I placed the bedding on an armchair next to the couch and went about my own nighttime routine as usual, picking some clothes from my bedroom this time for myself and jumping in the shower to wash off all the grime from the previous 24 hours. The water felt amazing until it got cold and that was my que to step out. Whilst brushing my teeth and finishing up I kept thinking about the man sleeping on my couch, he seemed strange but I didn’t feel fear as I usually would having a stranger in my home. I guess figuring him out will have to wait until tomorrow because all I could think about was getting some sleep myself. I stepped out to check on Alexis one more time to find him now stretched out, legs draped over the side of the small couch and soft snores coming from him. Nothing to scare me away from stroking a hand through his slightly messy hair, only when he leaned into my touch did I flinch away not expecting it and slinked back into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. The moment my head hit the pillow everything started going dark and I was off to dreamland.

[vvatchword]

For a long time I experienced day-killing, life-ruining sinus headaches. They would absolutely wreck me. They'd knock me out for days at a time. I'd wake up with pain over and behind my eyes. Sometimes it was bad enough that I would throw up. I would have to avoid screens, light, and heat. Others have described these episodes as migraines to me, but I really don't think they are, even now. I never had any of the other migraine symptoms, like auras.

It was relatively easy to blame certain traits--dust storms and high-pollen days being the most obvious. But as to fixing it? Jesus christ i didn't know. So I went on a long trek over a period of 4 years to figure out how to stop these motherfucking headaches.

Early on, I tried pain medication, which only dulled the pain a little; this was par for the course for me, since medication has a reduced effect on me in general. I progressed to sitting in hot showers with the lights turned off. I started using something I called "Magic Drink," a preworkout supplement full of caffeine and amino acids called "NO Xplode" (originally I mixed another amino acid mix in it, and even now I use lemon juice to give it a little substance). This would outright kill lighter episodes. Eventually I began using something called a "Sinuspik" to cleanse my sinuses--think Neti Pot, but with vibrations (god it feels good when your snoot is sad). These solutions were hit and miss, unfortunately. Some days were just so bad that it didn't matter if I used all of them at once.

So I went in for allergy shots. This actually worked, but it didn't solve everything. Mostly, they reduced length and severity of episodes. I still had bad days every two weeks or so.

Found out I had sleep apnea. Got a CPAP machine. Friendos, this was the first big solution: turns out I was snoring and fucking up my sinuses in the night. I was able to reduce episodes dramatically using this.

But STILL! The headaches continued.

The final piece of the puzzle: I have bad anxiety and grind my teeth day and night. Turns out that a combination of my unique bite and my anxiety caused the tension to travel up my teeth into my sinuses. I invested in Invisalign, something I had always rolled my eyes at (lol who gives a fuck about straight teeth amirite). I had to pay for it with my credit card and I'm fucking glad I did: like magic, the episodes completely disappeared. My life may be shitty as fuck but I'm not nauseous and dying of boredom in a dark, quiet room because of it. A combination of corrected bite and effective retainers was all I needed.

The last couple of days I have fallen asleep without my usual protections--the Invisalign retainers and the CPAP--and this forgetfulness has reminded me of my hubris. The solution to my problem was no magic pill: it was multiple solutions. The Invisalign in particular was not something I expected or looked for, and I thought I'd mention it in a public place in case it's a solution you haven't considered.

I never see anyone talking about this, so I wanted to suggest something in case it helps you as much as it helps me.