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redstarwriting · 5 years

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Dimension Hopper

Avengers x Reader

Request: “Hi!! I was wondering if I could request an imagine about a reader from our universe going to the marvel universe?? And she's super smart and strong but like, a little younger than Peter (15). I'm still not over Endgame so can she be confused when everything is normal and the Tony thing didn't happen, and the avengers are confused about why she is so happy about tony, idk just FLUFF PLEASE😊💖“

Word Count: 1,858

Genre: Fluff, Platonic

Warnings: Endgame spoilers, swearing, run on sentences

A/N: Not gonna lie, I got carried away on this one. I might make a part two to it to show just how close the reader gets with the rest of the Avengers in this specific story, and to show that she’s a strong ass girl as well. I already have ideas for it, and I really enjoyed writing this one. I hope y’all enjoy it as well! I’m working on all the other requests I have right now, so if you sent one in I’ll get to it as soon as I can!

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Saying you felt like your heart was ripped out of your chest was an understatement. You’d just seen Endgame, and while you loved it and honestly had an out of body experience during it, Tony died. No more Iron Man in the MCU. Needless to say, you cried your eyes out. Even though he was a fictional character, he was your role model. You, like him, were very interested in engineering and science and things like that. In fact, you understood a lot of what Tony could do, and you’re only fourteen years old. You keep the fact that you can understand all the complicated engineering things that Tony talks about a secret, of course, considering the technology to actually pull off what he can do doesn’t actually exist in this world. You were working on that though. When you weren’t doing your schoolwork or reading comics or watching Marvel movies, you were out in your garage, working to become this world’s Tony Stark.

Needless to say, as soon as your parents park, you hurry to start working on your projects. You’ve already seen Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, and the entire concept of it interested you. Different dimensions, the multiverse, it all was something that seemed to be calling out to you. So, needless to say, you were trying to find a way to travel to other dimensions, only safely. You don’t want to find out what that glitchy thing that happens in Spider-Verse actually feels like. You’re just grateful that your dad happens to own a weapons company, much like another super genius in the universe that you would like to travel to. That’s what allows you to develop and invent all the time. It’s quite convenient, actually. Nevertheless, you’re lost in your work, distracting yourself from your sadness about Tony Stark, and you don’t even realize how much time has passed. It’s a Saturday, and you saw the movie at a one o’clock showing, so you got out of it at around four o’clock, meaning you started working at around five since you went and ate dinner with your parents. Now, it is four in the morning. And you are tired. It’s not the first time you pass out at your crafting table, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Now, you’ve gotten pretty far on the designing and creating of the fancy touch technology that Tony uses in the movies, and you’ve been using it more and more. Laptops and touch screen phones are a thing of the past for you, but you haven’t shared anything you’ve discovered with the world yet. Why, you ask? You’re fourteen. Chances are no one would believe you and they’d probably just say your dad was the one who actually did it, and you’re not about to let the things you designed get credited to someone else, even if he helped create you. With the technology you’ve created though, you can do things that are way beyond thought of on this Earth. And that leads back to the task you have at hand. Dimension hopping. Although you’ve fallen asleep, diagnostics for the machine that will be used to help dimension hop are being run through over and over again. You finished the basics of it, now you just need to find the exact way it will actually work. Lucky for you, a successful way is found. You’re just sleeping when it is. Crazily enough, the program downloaded itself into your watch, and you must have moved around and hit something in your sleep, because you hopped a dimension. The only downside? You were asleep when it happened. So, imagine your shock when you wake up, and everything around you is abandoned. Your machinery and equipment are nowhere to be found. You glance down at your wrist, pulling up information on what the hell is going on from your watch that you designed. “April 28, 2019… but what happened to my lab…?” you mutter, confusion and utter devastation flooding your mind. You think for a second and realize something. What if you’re in a different dimension? You frantically begin typing, trying to figure out what’s happening. Before you can even begin to look at the search results, though, the ceiling behind you gets blasted through. You turn, seeing none other than Iron Man, Tony Stark himself, looking at you. “A kid? You’re the one who caused a surge of energy?” you hear him say, and you just stare at him. “Y-You’re-“

“Rogers, it’s just a kid. She’s not about to harm anyone. She’s not even armed with anything and she literally just woke up… no, believe me Barton, I know what falling asleep while inventing looks like. She’s got it written all over her face. And hair. Yeah, of course you can come in, I already told you she’s harmless.”

Tony steps out of his Iron Suit, looking directly at you, and you literally just stare at him with your mouth wide open. “What’s your name kid?”

“You’re real?! And alive!” you blurt out and Tony just stares at you. “Wha-” You cut Tony off by crushing him in a hug. “Woah! Okay, okay, hey,” he decides to let it happen, but he is pretty confused. Before the embrace is over, Steve Rogers, accompanied by Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, and Clint Barton all walk through the door. Through the gigantic hole Tony had previously made in the ceiling flies Thor. You immediately pull back from Tony, and nearly start crying. “Nat’s alive too! Oh my god this is amazing!” You start freaking out, and now they’re all looking at you with a weird expression. “Okay, what’s going on?” Steve asks, approaching you. “You’re not old!”

“No, he’s old, he just looks young,” Tony says, and Steve gives him a look. You laugh, shaking your head. “No I know he’s like 101 years old, but he still looks like 25! He isn’t an old man on the outside!”

“What the hell is going on here, Stark?” Clint asks. “Yes, I am also wondering who this child is and why she is stating that we are all alive when it is obvious that we are all alive,” Thor says. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Tony tells him. “Okay, yeah I can imagine how this is weird but oh my god you guys don’t understand. I watched you guys die and now you’re here and I’m here and you’re all okay and you’re all together again and I’m just so happy you guys are amazing, Tony you’re my literal idol I want to be just like you and I’m so excited I finally get to meet you and I know I’m repeating myself and if this was typed out it would be a huge run on sentence and-”

“Wait, slow down, you watched us die?” Tony interrupts you, concern written all over his face. “Yes! And to be completely honest I have no idea how all of you are alive and I’m totally confused about it... does Thanos exist? Are you guys searching for the infinity stones? ‘Cause if not, you should totally do that before Thanos-”

“How do you know about the stones? And Thanos- who are you?” Tony asks, in obvious disbelief. “Oh, yeah! I forgot that part, my name is (Y/N), I’m fourteen years old, and I already told you I love you, but I love you. Like a lot. Like you inspired me to become an engineer... but seriously, how are you guys alive?”

“Well, we did fight Thanos in Wakanda, but he never got the chance to snap his fingers. Thor cut his head clean off with Stormbreaker and Doctor Strange used the time stone to bring Vision back and Cap and I decided to set aside our differences and start working together again. After a risk that big, it would be better for all of us to work together than be separated but that’s enough about that, you’re fourteen and you’re already an engineer?”

“Oh my god, that’s crazy! Everything I though I knew was a lie what the heck, this is insane! And you’re back together?! This is so great. I’m so happy I designed this watch so I could jump from my dimension to this dimension-”

“Your dimension to this dimension?”

“Yes, my dimension to your dimension.”

“You’re from a different dimension?”

“Yeah! Isn’t that cool! And so far, no glitches and my organs feel fine so I’d like to say this was a success, the only problem is I don’t entirely know how I got here,” you think out-loud, pulling up the hologram like technology that exists in this world already from your watch, beginning to type some things out. “So you invented that watch?” Tony asks, walking over to you to see what you were typing. “Uh-huh… it only took around two and a half months to design the watch itself and integrate the dimensional navigation software, but the technology used in it took me about six months to develop.” You can feel Tony’s eyes on you, but you just keep typing away. “How long did you say you were going to stay here?” you hear Bruce ask, and you shrug. “I didn’t say, but to be honest it looks like I’m stuck here because fun fact, this was somehow activated while I was asleep. I have no idea how to get back to my dimension, so…” you look at Tony, “Do you have a place I could stay until I figure it out?”

“Uh, yeah I do. I kind of want to talk to you about some things. I’ve noticed you don’t have an A.I. I could help you out with that, you’d be amazed at how much simpler it makes things,” Tony says, and your eyes widen. “Really?! I can have my own JARVIS?!”

“Hell yeah you can. Now with this watch, do you think that-“

“I hate to interrupt your science party, but are we just ignoring how she knows so much about us?” Natasha asks. “Oh! The dimension I’m from is hero-less. You guys exist in movies, I’ve seen every major battle you guys have had. Including one that won’t even happen because your timeline is different from the timeline that was created in my dimension,” you explain, not diverting your attention from your watch. “I have them all if you’d want to watch them. The actors look just like you guys, it’s pretty dope,” you inform and they all stare at you in disbelief. “You know, (Y/N), I think we’re gonna be good friends,” Tony tells you, and you smile. If you thought it was crazy that you discovered dimensional traveling, it’s even crazier that you just met not only your idol, but your future best friend. With the things he taught you, you went back to your dimension and released all of your tech, advancing the boring old Earth you knew. You constantly travelled between your dimension and the Avengers’ dimension, and because of Tony you always had a place to stay. You also may have brought Peter Parker to prom. Crazy how that works.

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somediyprojects · 4 years

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Peg Board Cross-Stitch Rose by Allison Murray

I was standing in Home Depot looking for a piece of precut plywood that was just right but I didn’t find it. But I DID find 2′ x 4′ piece of peg board. I grabbed it and started walking toward the back. Russell “What are you doing with that?” Me: “I’m going to have it cut.” Russell: “Why?” Me: “Because I’m going to make a huge-ass cross stitch out of it.” Russell: “…”

While the fellow was cutting my piece into two conveniently sizes 2′ x 2′ pieces of pegboard I felt like rubbing my hands together like an evil super villain or a praying mantis because I felt like a genius. How crafty am I?!? As it turns out someone else published the idea before me!

I’d been working on my gigantic peg board cross stitch little by little and one evening when I was going through my Bloglovin’ feed (actually taking a break from stitching this massive thing on my bed) when I saw it. Someone else and already posted a gigantic peg board cross stitch tutorial on Design Sponge. I yelled “Russell I’ve been scooped!” to which he responded. “Okay.”

The one at Design Sponge (in case you didn’t click the link) uses the full 2×4 size to cross-stitch the family name in a single color and takes around 5 hours to complete. By comparison mine is half the size and took approximately 8-9 hours total using 7 colors of yarn. While they both are based on the same premise, they are totally different projects. If you dig this one, definitely check out the other.

For this project you will need:

2′ x 2′ square foot piece of pegboard (have a 2′ x 4′ board cut into two)

cross stitch pattern – I used this one from The Cheekiest Monkey of All

yarn in 4 colors for the petals

yarn in 2 colors for the leaves

yarn in a background color

black spray paint

oversized plastic needle (made specifically for yarn)

tape and/or hot glue gun

First you’ll need to find a pattern that will work with 23 stitches by 23 stitches. I tried working something up or finding a pattern online but I kept having a specific pattern in mind that I couldn’t find. At my wits end I started searching Pinterest where I found it. The reason nothing I worked out made me happy was because I had this absolutely perfect pattern burned into my brain. Since Mrs. F, aka the cheekiest monkey of all, had the pattern online I decided I was destined to use her brilliance!

It was slightly too big so I took my ruler and marked out 23×23 making sure that I was able to keep the bulk of the pattern’s detail.

My peg board was originally white and that didn’t go with the color scheme in my mind. A cheap dollar can of black spray paint and I was all set to get to work.

In the pic above is a yarn needle. They sell them as plastic or metal and I have both. Be warned that pegboard this large is kind of awkward to work with. The metal needles are SHARP and trust me that you’re going to jab yourself a time or two. Go plastic. You can find them at hobby stores but I got 2 for $2 at Wal-Mart by the crochet and knitting needles.

To be good and visible you’re going to have to double it up. Simply string your yarn on the needle and tie a knot at the end. Each stitch will be made out of 2 strands rather than 1.

Alternatively you could purchase really thick yarn but I had a problem with that for 2 reasons. 1 – thick yarn is considerably more expensive for considerably less. 2 – there weren’t enough colors to accommodate my pattern well.

In the very beginning I just let the end of my yarn dangle while I was stitching but with changing colors frequently the excess started to get in the way. I began using tape to tack down the yarn hanging out at the beginning and end of each section.

Also because this is a timely undertaking, I would tape my pattern and needle onto the back of the board when I was done for the time to keep from losing them.

This is actually where I was when “I got scooped”. See how often the colors change? It seems like a pain in the neck but the end result is so fantastic that it’s worth it!

Now all of the tape on the back was well and good until it started raining for like 4 days straight. The humidity had tape falling off and winding up everywhere. As a result, I busted out my handy dandy hot glue gun and affixed the ends and snipped the edges. In the end it’s a lot cleaner, anyway.

Put an oversized picture hanger in the middle with a heck of a lot of hot glue.

And here is an up close of the action. It’s kind of like a Monet painting in that the closer you get, the harder it is to make out the image the xs make. Be sure that you have a space to hang or place this big boy where you have plenty of room between you and the hanging. I tested my cross stitch out in a smaller room (my office) and it was more difficult to make out and it was distracting.

And here it is hanging on my kitchen/dinette area wall! I purposefully placed it somewhere I can see it when eating at the table or sitting in “my spot” in the living room. I love, love love this sucker. Thanks again to the cheekiest monkey for creating a fascinating pattern and sharing it on her blog!

#cross stitch #home decor #diy #x

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moonanagames · 5 years

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Good and bad news, CHECK THIS OUT PLZ

(are... are you ready)

Haro my fellow earthlings and interplanetarian folks!

Today I bring good and bad news altogether, so please bear with me for a bit! Firstly, I wanted to talk about how development has been going since the very beginning, so let us go to our nice time capsule :D

This is a timeline of the development up until now, I tried to be the most accurate as I could, but it can be a bit difficult when I don’t remember many things anymore lol

The game is in development since January 2017. The timeline goes like this:

2017

From January to May, 20, I developed on my own my first public demo of Virgo Vs The Zodiac. It took longer as I was all by myself.

Then my Grandma said she wouldn’t be able to support me anymore if I was going to quit college to develop games. From May to August, I prepared the Crowdfunding Campaign to help me fund the project and my EXISTENCE. The Campaign was launched in September 2017, I think.

After the campaign ended, I could finally get Anglerman onboard! Ay! He does animations for enemies and some party members animations too and is also the greatest deity of our lives. A legend. He helped me a lot with the Game Design Document I was working on because new people would join and I needed to make the things in my head to be a bit more concrete.

From the end of the Campaign until October we were working with a another programmer, but that didn’t work too well since they had another big project they were working on at the time. We had to change the programmer. It was when I found Ben here on Tumblr, current lead programmer. Our lord and savior.

After that I was browsing tumblr randomly and I found Veyerals among asks sent to this tumblr and thought his work with menus was pretty cool (and I liked his game as well, played a lot of that back then). Veyerals joined the project too as the UI programmer and would also be working with the SHMUP mini games, which he had experience with. Bless the UI G.O.D.

From that point on we had to basically rebuild the game from scratch from the moment we got the new programmers. Not only develop the game from scratch, but doing everything RPG Maker already had built in for us into the new engine because that was the only thing I knew in terms of “programming”. That and adding everything new I thought for the project. It was a huge amount of work, and we only had a battle system working fine in December, where we started developing a new build.

(concept art of lady nurse)

2018

In this year things got a bit complicated!

At first, when the battle system was mainly “complete”, as we thought back then, we delivered a 15 mins build for ID@XBOX to be shown at the Game Developers Conference, on January 2018.

We had billions of problems from january to august with the development and also unrelated to the development, like dealing with US taxes. A lot of things weren't working as we wanted them to be, this time was mostly spent on making the timed hits to feel nice, rebuilding the base systems and trying to make the game to have the same feeling as the RPG Maker build had of it being challenging. Also, overall asset production. That was demanding as heck. In RPG Maker the enemies didn't move, while in Game Maker they were animated. I had never worked with Game Maker before, so me and Anglerman (the animator and fellow game designer) had to learn the engine from scratch while developing the game, that resulted in a lot of set backs, but lead us to where we are now. We're confident with the overall game's scaling, difficulty, battles and systems. In Game Maker the maps are also bigger and have way more polishing, so that took a lot of time to get used to on the new engine.

(a really weird, but solved, bug)

From that point on we built Capricorn, and started working on Taurus and other realms at the same time. After some time we determined that doing several realms at the same time, even though we knew which level the player would be wouldn't work well, and we decided to finish the realms before heading to other realm.

Billion lines of code later, in october we started development of the first 2 hours and a half of Taurus. All of it took one month and a half. It was a significant improvement from the previous 5 months to develop the same amount of gameplay! We determined that we can finish the game on the first half on 2019 upon seeing the progress of the development in Taurus. Now we have a stable work flow, as our lead programmer only has to work on random tiny things, for example, "I would like for Virgo to throw Alpacas for an event, can you add that?". Those are small details that Ben can do easily. Everything that was promised on the campaign, like SHMUP minigames and the crafting system is also all working nicely and well.

That brings us to the bad news: The release will be delayed, for all the reasons exposed before. At first we thought of keeping with the date announced in the Crowdfunding Campaign of December 4th and release the game in Early Access. However it all seemed unfair to the Beta Backers who donated first to get access to early builds of the game. Other than that, a save system of something like a RPG such as Virgo Vs The Zodiac wouldn’t work well with the early access system of Steam. Just imagine your save messing up every time the game is updated. That would be just bad. xD Unfortunately I didn’t know that back then when I announced the date, and I didn’t know the amount of hassle I would go through to learn the engine while developing the game. I can only blame my naiveness, honestly. Other than that, December isn’t a good time to release games because of the Steam Sale that makes it harder for new games to be noticed with so many games on sale.

With that being clarified, I can say now that the game would most likely be released in the first half of 2019, around Q2. I apologize deeply and am extremely sad, I was even avoiding saying this here and avoiding social medias in general due to anxiety attacks <_< I’m sorry for that as well! For anyone who said their birthday was in the same day as the game’s release, I apologize immensely, and please send me a message and I’ll send you a card of Sagittarius wishing you a happy birthday. It’s the only thing I can do now, to be honest. S O R R Y =(

O U T R A G E O U S

New possible release date: Q2 2019.

As for the good news now:

Taurus Realm Build For Backers

The Taurus build I was talking about will be sent to backers this week! :D You can expect a bossfight with a Zodiac, millions of new characters, around 1800 new lines of dialogues, new equipment to check, new fellows to beat or spare, quests and the SHMUP minigame, now implemented on the game! Also, as seen on the trailer, you can throw enemies off screen now :3

Kinda Funny Games Showcase

We’ll also be participating on Kinda Funny’s Games Showcase that’ll be happening in December 8th! You’ll be able to see a new trailer of Virgo Vs The Zodiac on the stream that’ll be happening on Kinda Funny’s Twitch. That’s a really cool opportunity for us, so eternal thanks to Greg Miller for chosing VvtZ. That got me by surprise! xD

Date: Saturday, December 8th

Time: 10am PT

I think that’s it! Basically we had a lot of setbacks, but we’re in the right path again now and I can say doing anything is faster as is! The game’s quality improved and the development became more demanding of our skills, but it’s also a nice challenge for everyone. I’m glad to have started this project, my life was pretty dull back then, I had lost many important things before and VvtZ brought sparkle back to my life. That’s important, as even in the most difficult times I can remember I’m creating something I have so much fun with. I’m blessed to have all the people who support me on Virgo Vs The Zodiac discord, who supported me in the campaign and everyone around social medias. It’s what makes my days happier, tbh.

Ever since I began development I lost contact with many of my friends from the other city I lived in, but I also made many other precious friends who helped me along the way! All the good and bad memories on my life shaped this place I created for myself in the world. I like this place, it’s comfy :3 Again, I’m sorry for ruining your expectations to have the game up on Steam this year, it’s a first delaying the development like this. As a Taurus I can say it pains the most to not have things done when I need them to be despite the hard work going behind this game. Damned Bugs. I want the bugs to die. Gotta work even harder from now on to extinguish bugs the maximum we can!

#virgovsthezodiac #gamedev #indiedev #pixelart #devlog #big ass devlog #long post is long #S O R R Y AND B I G T H A N K S

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sillysongsandcutepuns · 5 years

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ok ok ok

so i was happy af to come home and visit my family and shit, but i kinda cant wait to go back to uni and be with my friends there?? like after that realization that they in fact will tell me if i fuck up and that they dont look at me like a burden made a huge difference? like, woah, i miss these people, and maybe they do to?? especially after everybody hugged me before i left? and they did not have to do that?? they did anyway?? i have more than 1 friend at a time and they are all so different and great? like one guy is a sarcastic drama queen, the other is as if he were operating on a different plane? then theres this girl who is just?? fun?? like pure sunshine and joy?? and this dude is v philosophical and whimsical yet serious and understanding and this other girl is just,, cool?? like i am this hecking lucky to have these peeps in my life?? and i texted this girl who is not in our immediate project group to tell her merry christmas, and she tells me that she is lucky to have me in her life?? woah. I have a friend who stopped uni visit me for nye?? from another country?? i keep getting tagged in these “tag the person who youd do x funny thing” and cute dog videos?? I am so glad i waited. this was all worth it.

this my people is 2 things at a time

character growth and

a fucking serotonin high before i go to sleep

on a more serious note, guys, if anybody sees this, know one thing: you are making progress. even when you think you are going backward, where there is intention, there will be a result. I cried during countless parties, i will cry during a couple more, im sure, but i can and will bounce back. people arent as deceptive as people would let you think. if their mouths dont talk, their actions will. if people dont like you, they will distance themselves, if they like you, they will be there for you to reach out towards. But also dont confuse ones own tiredness for them not being there. Just as you can get exhausted, so can they, and they have to make sure they are alright themselves.

Love you guys, take care and reach out if you need sbody to talk to

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junker-town · 3 years

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7 winners and 3 losers from Week 3 in the NFL

Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy/Getty Images

Matthew Stafford is out here playing the best football of his career.

One of the more curious stories of the offseason was the behind-the-scenes feeding frenzy around Matthew Stafford. Teams furiously made calls to Detroit as soon as it became clear the Lions were ready to rebuild and let him free. The Panthers, Broncos, Colts and 49ers all made attempts, but in the end it was the Rams with the firepower to make the deal.

It’s not that Stafford was bad, obviously far from it, but when you have so many teams eager to get a 33-year-old quarterback it’s clear the entire league is thinking the same thing: This guy has plenty left in the tank, and desperately needs a change of scenery.

Three weeks into the season it’s not just the best trade of 2021, but one of the best in YEARS. Stafford is playing better than he ever has before, and the now 3-0 Rams have a much-needed statement win against the Buccaneers, which was billed beforehand as a battle between the NFC elite.

I really hate projecting stats this season, because it just feels wrong. In a few years we’ll get a better sense for benchmark numbers, but as it stands I’m still in favor of normalizing projection for a 16 game season, just because it feels right. So, just know that the following numbers would be bumped up even more.

As it stands, if Stafford keeps up this pace he would finish with:

5,024 yards (highest since 2011, 2nd highest of career)

48 touchdowns (career high)

5 interceptions (career low)

78 percent completion (career high)

10.12 yards-per-attempt (career high)

130.63 passer rating (career high)

To be clear, this would not be a good season by Matthew Stafford standards, it would be the greatest quarterback season of all time. Saying this will all hold is like predicting a game of Jenga after the first move, but outside of touchdowns (which he’s still within striking range of) Stafford’s 2021 would eclipse Tom Brady’s 2007 and Peyton Manning’s 2013 in every other statistical area.

I think it’s been far too easy to overlook Los Angeles this season, as tends to be the case with a lot of west coast teams. They get forgotten in the discussion and it’s not until the end of the season everyone gets surprised they’re really good.

It’s time to start paying attention to what’s happening with the Los Angeles Rams. Beating Brady and the Buccaneers will go a long way to earning some attention, but beyond that Stafford might finally get the credit he’s deserved for a long time.

Winner: Justin Herbert

The Chargers have been the bridesmaid in the AFC West for as long as I can remember, but it’s starting to feel like things are turning, and the biggest force of chance is Justin Herbert.

I had the game between the Chargers and Chiefs circled as one to watch, and I’m glad I did — because dang it was fun to watch Herbert play. He finished the day with 281 passing yards and four touchdowns, spreading to scoring love to three different receivers.

Herbert is showing no signs of dropping off following his record-breaking rookie season, and in fact he’s getting better. While he’s on pace to throw more interceptions than a year ago, he’s also upped his passing yards, completion percentage, yards-per-attempt, and touchdowns.

It helps that Los Angeles has done a great job putting weapons around their rookie, and it’s paying huge dividends. On any given play Herbert has no fewer than three significant receiving threats to find, and they can be swapped out for a diversity of players to give defenses really tough looks to manage.

With the Chiefs struggling so far we could be seeing a power shift in the division. Even if we don’t quite reach that zenith it’s clear the Chargers are close, really close.

Loser: Expecting a rookie QB to carry you

It really felt like we were turning a corner after Joe Burrow and Justin Herbert changed their team’s fortunes in their first season. That came off 2018 and 2019 when Baker Mayfield and Kyler Murray got the job done respectively. Now we’re learning in the glorious, charred remains of hubris that quarterbacks stepping into the NFL and excelling is really, really difficult.

It’s no so much about Trevor Lawrence, Zach Wilson, Justin Fields and Mac Jones struggling, as much as it’s a testament to the fact that the NFL, despite best guesses, as not been “solved.” Sure, college offenses are more advanced than ever, and rookies better prepared than at any point in modern football — but still they walked out onto the field Sunday and all got their asses spectacularly kicked.

Trying to decide who was the worst of the crew is a fool’s errand. Like eating five variants of earwax ice cream and deciding which is the most palatable. Let’s just instead combine the rooks into a cerberus of mediocrity. If all four were one player, here’s the stat line:

77-of-140 (55 percent completion), 717 yards (5.1 yards-per-attempt), 2 touchdowns, 7 interceptions — 51.2 passer rating

If you match that up to the closest modern era player you get ... Jimmy Clausen. I’m sure at least one of two of these guys will be good when the dust settles, but goodness right now these teams are not benefitting from starting a rookie who has that deer in the headlights look. It brings us to ...

Loser: Pass blocking

If you follow along the league you’d see roughly 20 fanbases complaining about not having a good offensive line, and it comes with cause. The league’s lack of good QB protection is remarkably pronounced this season.

Part of this comes from there being so many first and second year quarterbacks still adapting to the league’s speed and what they can get away with under center, but nonetheless the result has been absolutely staggering.

From 2010-2020 the average number of pass rushers who finished the season with 10+ sacks was 20. As it stands there are currently 39 players on pace to finish with double digit sacks.

In addition, six players are on pace to finish with 20.0+ sack seasons (reduced for a 16 game schedule). That’s a mark only 21 players have achieved in NFL history, and over a quarter could be added to this list by the end of the year.

In short: The league is in dire need of more pass blocking, and there’s a serious brain drain at the position.

Winner: Justin Tucker

You need to do something pretty special to get a nod as a kicker, and, well ... Justin Tucker did something pretty special.

This angle of @JTuck9's record-breaking kick is incredible. #RavensFlock pic.twitter.com/H1udG62DFi

— NFL (@NFL) September 26, 2021

Tucker drilled the 66-yard field goal with a little assistance of a bounce, but I don’t give a crap about how this happened. It wasn’t at elevation, there was no tailwind to benefit — just a dude with a leg that didn’t fly off when he obliterated the ball into the next century.

Winner: The Tom Brady Adele promo

Oh, this was bad. It’s a winner though because I am a huge fan of terrible movies. Just enjoy this work of art.

pic.twitter.com/FN4Wf0TuUg

— clips for con (@clips2021) September 27, 2021

The entire overwrought package was so bad it left Bob Costas and Cris Collinsworth speechless — which is no easy feat. I know everyone really, really wants to make Brady vs. New England a thing in Week 4, but it’s looking like it’s just gonna be sad.

Winner: Changes of scenery

We’ve already talked about what Matthew Stafford has done for the Rams, but Sam Darnold is balling in Carolina, Teddy Bridgewater is surging in Denver, and heck, even Jared Goff is finding his footing on a Lions team that’s much more competitive than anyone gave them credit for.

The major QB shuffle that happened this offseason is paying some serious dividends, and adding another layer of fun to an already wild season.

Loser: Pittsburgh Steelers

This was a 12-4 football team a year ago! Now they’re losing to the Bengals inside their division. That’s not supposed to be a knock on Cincinnati, it’s just, like, nobody in Pittsburgh should be happy with how this team is playing. At 1-2 they can definitely still turn the season, but the AFC North is such a rough division and now the Steelers hit a rough stretch against the 3-0 Broncos, the 1-2 Seahawks who are in a similar position of desperation, and then return to the divisional slate with the Browns.

The wheels really could fall off this soon.

Winner: Jaguars accepting their fate

I watched a really fascinating documentary last week on the benefits of psychedelic drugs being used in therapeutic settings, and how researches are struggling against lingering stigma from the 1960s to secure funding.

Inside this one of the most fascinating elements was the use of psilocybin mushrooms by terminal cancer patients. To make a long story short, using the drugs was shown to have significant mental benefits to those facing death, making their acceptance of mortality and peace as their condition worsened much, much easier.

So when I saw this tweet, it reminded me of that.

Jaguars WR Marvin Jones with a message for everyone: “go home and drink some wine”

— Mark Long (@APMarkLong) September 26, 2021

Acceptance is such an important part of the process.

Winner: Football fans

I don’t care which team you support, three weeks in this season has been spectacular. On Sunday another five games were settled by a single score, taking the league total this season to 21.

If you want to be cynical about the league, fine ... I get it, but when you have over 20 percent of games being close it means we’re in for a wild ride. Furthermore, I don’t know if anyone has firm feelings about who is good, and who isn’t. It feels like there are as many amazing teams with losing records as paper tigers with winning ones, which keeps the intrigue flowing for the next 13 weeks.

I think we’re still holding to have a very special season.

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wingspiral · 7 years

Text

Where the heck have I been?

*Sigh*

I took a much needed break from Tumblr, darlings. I was in such bad shape back in March, and the months before it, that each update I drew took a ton of life out of me. I ended up trying so hard to please everyone, that I couldn't please myself. And in the long run, continuing was hurting me. I overthought so much and forced myself to be “perfect”. Whenever I felt I failed, I tried my best to improve and do better. When you’ve done good in the past, you try to live up to it and continue that level of quality. (Also remember when you all loved my foreshadowing and hidden messages in the backgrounds? And now no one even mentions them anymore? :/ ) Patreon was a challenge. I wasn't making much, was mentally unhealthy, AND had nothing to give really. So as much as I tried to keep it up, I just could not. I will try to reboot it, but it has been a challenge for quite a while. Basically, trying too hard in life just gives bad results, and I learned that the hard way. So I left Tumblr, thought it'd come back soon, yet didn't. Months passed, and my happiness during the hiatus felt better than I thought it would. I was able to rest all I wanted, stop sacrificing my health and time, and finally put myself first. I got my first job, worked on my other (far more developed and less public) stories more, saved up some money, just generally treated myself and ignored all the stress of Tumblr. I was even able to buy my own computer! I can draw on the screen and it's very light and mobile! I adore it! I also started a very big project during the hiatus. It is not WingSpiral related, but it's still a huge thing in my life, and I only told a handful of friends about it! It may take years for the big reveal, but it's in the works alongside WingSpiral. °v° Before I left, guys, it was bad. I was no longer able to look at my own notes or comments. It took courage for me to even glance at my dashboard. I could barely post, no matter how hard I tried. Part of the problem was all the praise. I love being complimented, but sometimes I'm viewed so highly and superior in status by people, that I start to force myself to be that way and not disappoint. I'm a human being, and a flawed one at that. I'm a media geek in pajamas who loves eating, studying stories and drawing fictional characters all day. I adore storytelling with all my heart, and that alone makes me who I am. Tumblr was giving me so much anxiety and high expectations of myself, that I had to escape and assess myself from my own eyes. It turned out to be the best descision! And I came out as a better, much stronger person. I learned to have faith and rely on myself to succeed and feel happy. I'm back, but this time I won't try so hard to please people or make them like what I do. I'll update when I can, won't overwork myself or try to meet deadlines. Thanks for sticking around!

-Violet <3

((WingSpiral’s next update posts tomorrow- October 6th! It’s humanized because why not XD))

MASSIVE RECAP LINKS BELOW! For anyone who needs it!

Characters thus far

Old non-story asks!

Baby Dust aww

Main Storyline:

Chapter 1: “The Project”

Chapter 2: “Star Student” (Cancelled)

Chapter 3: “Big Sister”

Chapter 4: “Crystal Catwalk”

Chapter 5: “Ru”

Chapter 6: “The Visitor”

Chapter 7: “Lake Luawaga” (CURRENT)

Holiday Specials:

Thanksgiving 2016

Christmas 2016

Valentine’s 2017

Qingming 2017

Important thing that people forget a lot:

Rubi can sense things with her HOOVES. She feels vibrations in the earth, and can tell what, or who she’s sensing. Raised by a blind mother, she is skilled at being able to tell someone is spying on her from a mile away. She has sensitive hooves!! AHEM...

#Thanks for reading and waiting patiently for my recovery #good to be back #I feel great!#update #WingSpiral returns tomorrow

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xbrokenxdollsx · 6 years

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You think its kinda a given with what will happen with the new fairy tail sequel. Fans will always go crazy with pairings and you can't stop it.

So I’mma put this under cut because, knowing me, I’m a chatty, ranting bitch and like to go into detail about stuff like this, my babehz either do or don’t care about what I have to say. If you’re interested in making your own stuff and/or working for the art industry, this might be interesting to you!

So I work in the entertainment industry (i.e. films, shows, comics, books, etc) and have seen successes and failures of a lot of ideas and pitched projects from popular companies that many people know. My opinions under are from experience, so you’re going to have to be prepared for some chat-chat.

In my profession I usually get to dig deep in archives and listen in on pitches and past projects that turn into an absolute failure because of what people propose to make for “canon content” as I put it. Patterns of people’s attempts to make sequels and/or revivals of past successes of material or box offices have the same result of ugly failures because they want to stick it to “canon content” from the original success.

This is really difficult to do a good job, especially when you do it within a 1-5 year timeframe of the original and expose it to the public.

((As a heads-up, I’m just going to use more recent stories from the last couple years for more familiarity and have my explanations make sense.))

I’m going to take for example of the Naruto franchise: when Kishi originally wanted to end the series with Naruto vs Pein and the fandom (also the company/contract he works under) basically tells him “no, you can’t do that because you’re making it big right now.” Kishi goes on to extend the plot with tropes of confrontation for the audience with romance, family, self-discovery, redemption, when (in my eyes) the focus of it was Naruto and his bond with Sasuke and their growth. Anyway, fans ate it up with their own theories and material that kept bringing in money to Viz to keep going with the different possibilities and basically throw ideas to Kishi on what to do with his content.

When Kishi ended the original Naruto series with the Epilogue with the pretty self-explanatory results of:

Naruto becomes Hokage

Naruto and Sasuke resume their friendship bond

Sasuke journeys on to pay for his crimes

The remaining cast have a pretty suitable/happy ending with rather solid end-game pairings and then some (based on Kishi, not the fandom)

Kishi ends his 15 year project and calls it with writing his own movie plot for Naruto: the Last, which focused on romance. Kishi has stated in the past that he’s not much of a romance writer, but he admits that he had a good time with the Last and getting a good 80% (Rotten Tomatoes). Critique was more on storyplot of the romance that some Western audience didn’t really pick up and didn’t like that it lacked Sasuke (who is said to now be Naruto’s best friend again), which is fine.

Now I don’t know what the Viz Media have for contracts with creators and what their process is for projects, so I can’t and won’t point fingers to either the company or Kishi himself for coming up with the sequel of Boruto. Contracts are very vague and, since I don’t know Kishi’s contract, I can’t say.

What I can assume (not confirm!!) that Viz “owns” the Naruto/Boruto name, and thus wants to continue with the story…which where the Naruto Project set in with the whole “who is Sarada’s mom and all this Uchiha bloodline, etc” shit came to be that drove the fandom up and me outta there like “bitch, bye”, despite Kishi having some hand in it.

In short: I would have preferred that they stopped Naruto at 700 and kept it that way, not extend it to 700+1 and all that. That was a usual use of getting more income for the company/publisher because they had a huge audience and pulled it in by using the “next generation”.

In my OPINION, if the company/creator were to wait for more than 5 years from the completion of the original, there would have been a better impact and impression on the fandom/audience.

BUT THIS IS VERY COMMON WITH ENTERTAINMENT WITH LONG-RUN SUCCESSES, SUCH AS NARUTO.

Now I’m gonna use Pixar’s Finding Nemo/Finding Dory as the next example of what it results to WAIT before going public so soon. I can easily talk about this because I have access to material and individuals on this side and am pretty familiar with Disney/Pixar’s contracts and regulations, so I can clarify this as simple as possible:

Disney owns Pixar, but Pixar is it’s own separate company when it comes to certain material that Disney can not touch.

Everyone remembers Nemo, right? 2003 film that left an impression with the characters of Marlin, Nemo and Dory (and Bruce, Crash, etc) and we were eventually blessed with the 2016 sequel of Finding Dory, a same concept but different plot with our beloved protagonists and newfound ones to adore (I’m lookin’ at you Becky). Now, Disney/Pixar is more child-centric with entertainment, as we all know, but majority of people will admit that, as adults, enjoy the films that they see and can enjoy it and hope for a sequel.

NOW OKAY, if you remember that little period in the 90s/00s when Disney did those Direct-to-Videos of our favorite movies like Mulan, Pocahontas, Atlantis: the Lost Empire, Little Mermaid, Hunchback??

Lets be honest, babes, they were crap.

Disney, honey, I love you, but I refuse to acknowledge that era. I loved the TV shows of Aladdin and Hercules, etc, but not the films.

What Pixar learned from Disney’s oopsy of making fast sequels and trying to promote a revival of our beloved childhood films was that they didn’t treat it like the original. Treating it as the traditional animation styles from the original, getting the original cast and crew (ORIGINAL CREW IS VERY IMPORTANT, BABES, TAKING IT FROM EXPERIENCE) was not the goal of the studio and therefor did not do well on leaving a lasting impression on the audience or made people happy.

Granted, many of the talents on the animation teams from the originals either left the studio or refused to take part in the sequels, but you can also see where they were coming from.

With Pixar, they take time with the story development and ensuring from the previous success that they don’t do “repeat plots” - because sequels are not about repeated plots.

EXAMPLES OF DISNEY’S NOT-SO-GOOD:

Little Mermaid (1989) - Ariel wants to be human. Little Mermaid II (2000) - Ariel’s kid wants to be a mermaid.

Most of my friends who are avid LM fans can’t remember Ariel’s daughter’s name (Melody), but will rant for a good hour on Eric’s voice change and the lack of animation details compared to the first.

Mulan (1998) - Daughter desires to bring honor to her family. Mulan II (2004) - Princesses following honor/duty to kingdom, but are conflicted.

Besides the animation style, which I will fuckin’ SCREAM about, the plot of fairly similar if you watch it carefully and lacks true impact.

What Pixar directors and writers learn from those mistakes is repetitive patterns of plots. While Disney DID seem to pay attention to time-frame of exposure, there was the rise of media exposure, DVDs and the shift of traditional animation to digital 2D/3D that effected the results.

EXAMPLED OF PIXAR’S PRETTY-DANG-GOOD:

Toy Story 2 (1999) - Woody is taken by a Toy Collector, adventure ensues on rescuing and obtaining new friends while maintaining a child’s love for his/her toys. Toy Story 3 (2010) - The Gang is struck to the fact that Andy is grown up, yet impact the love while giving it to the “next generation”.

I skipped Toy Story 1 because it was the first Disney/Pixar 3D animated success film (not counting Bug’s Life) that left an impression on the audience to continue. It maintains the pattern of childhood imagination and adoration of beloved toys.

Finding Nemo - Son gets taken, journey across ocean to Dentist office, heck yeah. Finding Dory - Dory sets off to find her family and her friends (adopted family) journey in search for her towards a rehabilitation center/aquarium.

Similar plot of searching for a loved one, but it shifts between saving and discovering.

Pixar takes SO LONG with developing stories and characters to keep an audience happy and they also keep it on the DOWN LOW. Pixar is very hushy-hush on their projects and keep it secret until it’s REALLY time to reveal the big news. With Pixar, despite having the money to easily make sequels out the ass, care so much about story development and the audience together, which is why they a) take so long with sequels b) pretty much surprise everyone ever 5+ years that makes the fandoms rather positive and open-minded.

IN CONCLUSION

While I trust Mashima more than Kishi with the sudden sequels, since his epilogue was more vague on pairings/fandom wars than Kishi was, I still remain extremely cautious as to what he’s going to do. Knowing Mashima’s rather sarcastic style with every chapter and concept of characters, there really is no telling what he’s going to do and I’m all for it and hope he has control on his creations as he so deserves and Kishi lacked…

It’s just the fandom that I’m hoping will remain chill as they are now with the end of Fairy Tail to the upcoming sequel.

#GUESS WHAT THIS IS REALLY LONG #BUT I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD EXPLAIN BECAUSE I ALREADY GOT ANONS ASKING WHY I SEEM SO MEH #THIS IS WHY IM MEH BABEHZ #basically me being a smartass with movies and mangas because thats what i do

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midnightshowing-acm420-fall2019 · 4 years

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Week 16 - Alex - Dénouement

--- Opening Thoughts:

Here we reach the end of the story of this project; the final knot, which took so many threads to tie, yet seemed not long ago to be little more than a tangled mess. This week, our group achieved more than what seemed achievable, given the time constrains and pressure. And although so much could have gone wrong, this was truly a very ‘right’ conclusion to an epic semester-long project. I’m so very, very thankful, and proud, of each and every member of our our group - without whom this film would never have been possible. And I’m honored to have been a part of what may very well be one of the finest films produced here in ACM Animation since its inception. I also would like to give a huge thanks to all the colorists who made the production pipeline go so much smoother and faster - sacrificing their own time and effort to be a part of something amazing! I also would like congratulate our terrific voice actor Justin Bendo, for his incredible work as the voice of Angel. And to our composer Joshua Namba, who breathed life and vigor into our film through his music.

--- Weekly Deliverables

For my work this past week, a lot has happened, as most of our group can probably agree to. It’s difficult to bring to memory every individual thing, but the core tasks were these: Coloring Sq13s6, a shot I originally roughed for. Although the final version would go on to have some major alterations to Angel, I’m happy to see it least one rough of Phantom I did pretty much stuck all the way to final:

youtube

Colored Sq13s16; took a heck of a long time even using pre-programmed inputs for the coloring process. But it turned out good, and due to me needing to use base layers for the characters, Gavin came up with an interesting blending mode for the Old Man which we can see in the final film:

youtube

For the next two shots I finished line from last week, plus color and shading for this week. They turned out pretty good I’d say:

youtube

We ran into some technical issues when it came to rendering out certain files, and one in particular that comes to mind is Sq9s16, as imaged below.

I don’t know how it was possible to even work on a file this large on Photoshop, with the hardware we have. It was so big that most of our group’s computers couldn’t even open it. Mine struggled big time to load it, let alone render it as an uncompressed .mov. I had to clear almost all my ram, and even then it crashed before finally managing to render it, which only took around 10 minutes (for one shot mind you,) and then uploading it which took a solid three and a half hours.

This one file almost stopped our whole production. It was amazing, kind of hilarious, and a bit scary, but we managed to pull through. I added a clipping mask to the fire’s lineart to make it orange.

The next thing which ate up a lot of time and energy this week was sound. Basically, I expected have sound done in maybe 5 or 6 hours over the weekend. Turned out it required almost two full days to finalize. Me and Gavin met up to discuss corrections and adjustments, and after some last minute feedback, all the retiming work was done, and we got an incredible audio track. Even though it was a heavy tax on my very tight finals week schedule, I think having those two days to work on it really raised the fluidity and creativity to provide something almost of a remaster to the animatic audio track we’ve been using up to this point. The premiere file itself is kind of a convoluted mess:

Nevertheless, it gets the job done, and taught me a whole lot about sound editing and design over the course of the semester (except organizational skills.)

--- Last Reflections

This semester has been such a momentous one for so many reasons. If 320 taught me “how to work on animation,” then 420 taught me how to work on animation for real. The jump is so tangible, not necessarily in a “workload” sense (although that may be part of it) but more so as an appreciation for the art of animation itself as a collaborative medium, and a visually exploratory one. I am much more aware now of every element that goes into a piece of work, and I think I can see the great value in attempting to discerning the purpose behind everything we see in Animation, as with any art piece. While it was easy to get away with seemingly arbitrary choices of shape, color, motion and such in the past, it has become especially necessary now to be deliberate in making choice, since the workload falls on someone else’s shoulders.

- Adjustments to the Process in the Future:

Not all of this is necessarily in my control, nor should this be held against anyone or any part of the film making process here, since after all we’re learning and exploring how to work in teams with new techniques. That being said, one thing I would aim to sharpen in the future is the pre-production estimates of workload times/levels, as well as the overall film length. I think I speak for most of us when I say that the film’s scope grew a lot over the course of the semester. And I’m not saying having a large or ambitious idea is bad - that’s my favorite kind of project! But it can become a bit of an issue when it grows to such a scope that we are having to recruit outside helpers and dedicate most or all of the 24 hours we have in a day to be able to manage finishing on time. Basically, just have a more rigid plan from the start, and be very cautious towards anything that adds unnecessary levels of complexity. That’s something that can be addressed at the animatic stage. Beyond that, being more cautious with the estimates of time and energy requirements per shot would help. I noticed that some (or maybe most) of the shots required quite a bit more time than originally intended to be roughed, lined, colored, and shaded. That’s not taking into consideration all the revisions they may go through as they are reviewed, given feedback, and trade hands between group members. Production schedule-wise, it’s much better to undershoot I think, and have a lot of extra time to hammer out details, maybe refine shots, and properly apply feedback versus feeling the dread of being behind schedule and cutting years from your life due to the amount of sleep lost to try and catch up. A general rule of thumb is that specificity helps. Despite how meticulously we planned, we would still occasionally run into issues such as what color a prop might be, or how the shading might change between environments. Or another example might be how a character’s physical attributes such as stretchiness might change or remain consistent throughout the film. Although these were minor things that got addressed in the end, baring those details in mind in the future would be of great help I think.

- Words of Advice to Future 420 Students

You have three options: either become a cyborg, learn to hate sleep, or adapt to being powered by copious amounts of coffee every day. As for me, I took something from all three of those this semester. Joking aside, these are some general pointers I would give to incoming 420 students: -Choose your story and teammates carefully: This semester can be as fun (or unfun) as you make it to be. No matter what though, the people you have at your side are the people you’re stuck with. Hopefully by this point in the major you would be familiar with your teammates and their individual strengths and quirks, so if you’re having trouble picking a team in the beginning, go with the people you feel are the most self-determined, hard working, and whom you can adapt to their mold (not necessarily vice versa.) If you hate your team, you will hate your semester. But if you love your team, it doesn’t matter how tough the work gets, because you can still come to class with a smile (a very dead inside smile.)

-Come in with a strong concept: Even if your idea doesn’t get picked, being able to receive other people’s ideas and represent them faithfully is vital to the overall success of the production. The better you understand the idea you are working on, the better prepared you will be to make it a reality. Also, simple designs and ideas tend to get picked more often. Keep that in mind when developing your idea.

-Diversity is a strength: Having a broad skillset on your crew is incredibly important. Ideally, everyone can functionally perform any given task on the production. But having specialists assigned certain specific tasks is very helpful. It serves to balance the workload more or less equally among members based on their strengths, and the result is a product where you have good work reflected in all aspects of the film.

-Be prepared to change your schedule: Unless your group’s idea is ridiculously simple, chances are you will be losing sleep, possible questioning your choice of major, and being forced to change both when and how you are available to people and things you care about in the world outside the borders of your computer screen. It is not a joke to say that this course can affect your health, your diet, and maybe even the way you view other people - or even yourself! If done properly, this class should challenge you in the way you live and handle work. It should force you to adapt to an animator’s lifestyle. Not that you need to forsake life to be an animator necessarily, but to give you a taste of what the industry may demand of you through certain seasons of life.

-Be able to take a joke: By the end of the project, you’re going to be throwing shots at each other left and right. It is a crazy, whacky time - and you may find yourself forgetting this is all for a school project. Learn to enjoy acknowledging your own weaknesses, and have fun pointing out the flaws in others, when its appropriate. This makes the experience not only more enjoyable, but in a strange, ironic way it makes us become comfortable with our shortcomings, and enables/pushes each other to genuinely improve our skills, and ultimately create a better product.

-Communication is key: You need to keep up with your group. Period. If you are our of the loop for even a day, it can throw things off big time. Setup a chat group via text, setup a Discord server, or find some other means to talk to one another that is reliable. Even if you don’t always feel like chatting, just be ready when somebody needs you (which will happen quite a lot.) Also, having a system of file sharing such as Google Drive is indispensable. You may find yourself keeping certain tabs open and rarely closing them, just to check for updates and be able to send/receive files when you need them.

-Practice makes perfect: I don’t care how good or bad you think you are at animating up till this point; if you do your best in this class, you will grow. You may find yourself drawing in a different art style than you’re used to, and implementing work methods and software that you’ve never used before. And that’s wonderful! Be open to experimenting and exploring new styles of work. I’ve found that is a big part of what makes animation enjoyable and inexhaustible. Just when you feel like you’re set in your ways, the moment you step into something new, it’s a whole other world, and you just might find something you like about it.That opens the door to not only other ways of being creative, but on a practical level, makes you a much more viable component to a team when being considered for hiring. Don’t let the early hardships bog you down; with time and practice, there’s nothing you can’t do. -- Well that pretty much wraps up this last blog post and the semester for 420. The experience has been life altering, no joke. I have no regrets, and I’m so thankful to have had the chance to work so closely with everyone. In my experience, this class has been the difference between being an animation student and becoming a professional animator. Even though it was as a real challenge emotionally and physically, I would take the class again if I could, and I very much look forward to working with you all - my fellow animators - in our continuing classes, as well as our careers beyond. You all have been my family here while I’ve been without one since moving all the way out here for school.

Thanks to Brittany for teaching our wonderful class! And to everyone who has fought through this semester together and made it something special, right up until the very end. Until next time my friends, this is the Undercover Animator signing out.

#midnightshowing #acm420 #theend #coffeepower #i cry every time

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crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer · 7 years

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Let's raise the difficulty level with the ship thing: Uriya and Mr Kurotori

Or character thing whatever it’s called, it was mostly about ships??

Technically true! *cracks knuckles*

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Warning: There isa small novel waiting for you below the cut. You asked and you sure as heckreceived. I basically wrote you fanfic material for some of them.

Feel free to send me morecharacters~

Uriya

My NOTP for them: As per usual, no aliens.Anything else is a-okay in my book!

My BROTP for them: Enkaku (Remote ControlMonster) would be such a great friend for him, since they can relate to eachother’s problems, so it makes me happy that they ended up hanging out togetherin the season 1 finale~ >w

Both of them feel like they have no control in their lives.Uriya feels controlled by his anxiety and Enkaku feels controlled by hisfather, but they find stability with each other and bond over their searchesfor freedom from what’s holding them back from their happiness.

Enkaku could be a calm sensible head to help reassure Uriya duringanxiety attacks because having that outsider opinion on how situations reallylook would be so helpful for him. Especially from someone he can trust. Andonce they get close enough for Enkaku to learn more about Uriya as a person,Uriya would more easily be able to believe him over his own anxiety abouthimself, too… because Enkaku understands him perhaps better than heunderstands himself. And Enkaku wouldn’t lie to him because Enkaku knows howshitty it feels to feel manipulated by someone.

Uriya could also help to encourage Enkaku to try doing morethings for himself. If Enkaku doesn’t feel like he can tell his father how hefeels, he can at least find some freedom in other things like finding a hobbythat he really likes and expressing himself through that.

Aaaah, these two are cute and they’d go on this journey ofself-discovery together~

My OTP for them: Once again, Enkaku without adoubt because I feel like it could go either way and be just as sweet. Justtake all of the brotp stuff and put romantic feelings to it because ANXIOUSBOYFRIENDS HELPING EACH OTHER FIND HAPPINESS. ;;w;;

I like the headcanon that Enkaku’s father probably expects Enkakuto take over some kind of family business at some point, so this has beenlooming over his head for most of his life and he became a “yes man”to his father because it’s what was expected of him, growing more miserable andstifled as time passed. After his Love-Shower-induced epiphany, he realizedthat he should follow his own path, but he doesn’t know how to express what hewants. Because how does one crush their family’s hopes, dreams, andexpectations? It’s not a delicate task and he isn’t sure his father wouldlisten anyway. But Uriya helps him to take back some control in his life by expressinghimself in other ways and doing things that make him happy.

In fact, the two of them actually getting together could bethe first big step. This is the first time Enkaku has done something truly forhimself without waiting for his father’s approval and it couldn’t have made himany happier. And Uriya would be happy to know that there’s someone who doesn’tthink he’s creepy or weird and who likes him despite how his anxiety makes himcome across. Because Enkaku likes him for who he is as a person and that wouldbe something incredible to Uriya.

In the beginning, Uriya would constantly second-guess how heshould behave in a relationship because this is something so new and unusual tohim. But because he doesn’t want to worry Enkaku or make Enkaku feel like anyof this is his own fault, he would awkwardly keep his feelings to himself. Andmaybe Enkaku would be doing the same because he also doesn’t want to worryUriya unnecessarily with his own troubles. Especially when both of them are sosure that they’re just overthinking things. Plus, being with each other isexciting and calming in a way that they can forget their worries for even alittle while. Why ruin both of their good times by burdening the other with morestress on top of what they’re already dealing with?

Of course, they would eventually need to talk it out becausethese things tend to build up and maybe that conversation happens becauseEnkaku notices that Uriya is getting fidgety or spacing out like he usuallydoes when he gets stuck in an endless internal cycle of anxiety. They’dprobably both be relieved to know that they weren’t the only one worrying overwhat seem to be silly issues in hindsight. And with Enkaku starting to letloose more, he would become more open to sharing what’s on his mind and thatwould encourage Uriya to feel comfortable enough to open up more as wellinstead of internalizing things. Eventually, Uriya would lose the need to beself-conscious around Enkaku altogether because Enkaku has already seeneverything about him and accepted him wholly the way Uriya has accepted Enkakuas well. >w

My second choice pairing forthem: En isso chill and that’s just what Uriya needs! Every time Uriya would start tofreak out about something, En would just patiently logic it away or soothinglytalk to him about something to calm him down AND IMAGINE THEM TAKING NAPSTOGETHER OH MY GOD EN JUST HOLDS URIYA IN HIS ARMS AND CUDDLES AND URIYAEVENTUALLY RELAXES INTO IT AND BREATHES FOR ONCE.

I amextremely fond of the headcanon that En has a lot of acquaintances in schooland knows all the gossip because people talk around him as if he isn’t there(because he’s usually “sleeping”) or directly tell him whatever heasks because they think he’s harmless, since he’s such a chill guy who doesn’treally seem to care much one way or the other. And people love to gossip, so Enjust uses this to his advantage to weed out anyone who’s talking shit about hisfriends. So, anyone talking shit about Uriya would have to answer to En. ;;v;;

Plus,I feel like En and Uriya could have really interesting conversations about allsorts of random things that could entertain them for hours. >w

My fluffy pairing for them: Megawa, oh my god, I have somany feels about Megawa.

Part of his whole epiphany involved learning that jealousyis unbecoming and he shouldn’t rely solely on his cute looks for everything. Aslong as he does a good job, it won’t matter if he’s cute or not because that’snot the most important thing. After all, his cuteness may be an undeniable partof his charm, but the bulk of it is in how diligent he is with every task hetakes on and that’s why people admire him so much.

This is something Uriya would be particularly taken by. Thefact that Megawa can be so independent while simultaneously fitting inflawlessly with everyone he meets. It clearly doesn’t come easily to Megawabecause Uriya notices how hard he’s working, so it must be a learned trait.Perhaps something he could learn… maybe with some exposure to such a goodinfluence…

Megawa was probably the one who noticed Uriya’s furtive shyglances in his direction and decided to speak with him, thinking that perhapsUriya wanted to ask him a favor or something, since everyone else does. Thatresults in Uriya getting even more flustered at being noticed and Megawa’ssweet soft smile would be enough to melt anyone’s heart when aimed at them fullforce like that. Unfortunately, this means he just stumbles around his wordsand, after some deliberation on the matter, Megawa finally figures out thatUriya appears to be attempting to flirt with him. In a way, Megawa actuallyfinds it kind of sweet and invites Uriya out to lunch or something to chat/getto know each other.

Megawa is the one who usually arranges their little datesbefore they’re really dates, but occasionally Uriya gathers up the courage tosurprise Megawa with an invitation of his own. Somehow, eventually, theymutually agree to make these dates official. Megawa probably ends up being theone to ask because Uriya would be too anxious to say anything and would find ita complete surprise that the feelings were mutual all along. In his excitementand surprise, he expresses his “yes, I would love to!” a bit moreenthusiastically/quickly than he feels like he probably should have, but Megawafinds it endearing that he really felt that strongly about it.

Uriya would be so self-conscious about it because what wouldsomeone as cute as Megawa see in him? Uriya isn’t adorable in the way Megawa is- he’s nowhere on that level - and he isn’t tough and strong like the guys onthe baseball team that Megawa seems to like so much. He couldn’t protect Megawavery well with his lanky anxious frame either, so how could he make Megawa feelsafe and loved if he can’t stick up for him? If anything, he’s the exactopposite of what Megawa seems to enjoy.

But Megawa likes anyone who loves him. Uriya’s love andattention is enough. Plus, Megawa feels needed when he helps soothe Uriya’sanxiety. These two nerds could have such cute library study dates, too~ Justimagine Megawa bringing them both soothing tea in a thermos to share andpacking them cute lunches to keep up their energy.

My angsty pairing for them: Uriya IS angst, so thisisn’t very hard to imagine for any potential ship, but damn I just thought ofMasuya, though…

Ihad the idea of Kou deciding to run follow-up stories on the loveless becausesomeone out there in space probably wants to know what happened to them afterthe episode they featured in. There’s always a fanclub for the side charactersand Kou does aim to please~ So, when it comes time to do a follow-up on Uriya, hegoes about his investigation probably under the guise of another story like“We’re interviewing various students of differing backgrounds as part of anongoing project to show what sort of interesting types attend Binan High!”

PoorUriya would have no idea why they thought hewas interesting, of all people, and he’d probably be paranoid that this wasjust a huge elaborate prank. But Kou is persistent and would somehow twistwords to make it sound like he received consent for this kind of prying andUriya would be helpless to deny him. Despite feeling like he’s being deceivedand not liking the suspicious questions.

Thepoor boy probably wouldn’t feel safe anywhere at school with Kou following himaround and popping up at the least expected/convenient times. But Masuya isalways there… quietly taking pictures according to Kou’s orders. And duringthe moments when Kou is off ranting excitedly about one thing or another, Masuyashares an apologetic look with Uriya because he understands what Uriya is goingthrough. He understands feeling powerless to help himself, not being able toconnect easily with the rest of the world, having to clamp down tight on hisfeelings until he feels like the inside of his head is screaming, seeing otherpeople’s judgmental looks aimed at him and wondering what they’re reallythinking. Uriya instantly understands the look in Masuya’s eyes because he hasseen it in his own eyes when he looks in the mirror. And for a moment there’sthat silent connection between them while Kou rambles on in the background.

BecauseUriya is so closed off about answering Kou’s questions, Kou would keep tryingto push harder to get SOMETHING out of him. Anything that he could spin to makea great story. Uriya doesn’t want to cooperate with Kou’s prying, but he putsup with it only because Masuya is there with his silent understanding andencouragement that makes him feel stronger in a way. But Masuya, not wanting totrouble Uriya more than they absolutely have to and not being able to tell Kouthat they should quit before Kou has gotten what he wants, decides to approachUriya on his own one day probably during a time when Kou is busy and he couldslip away. Getting a proper conversation going would probably take a while, butMasuya would start out with an apology for Kou’s persistence and it would gofrom there. They would open up little by little to each other. Masuya is acalm, quiet presence that would probably make Uriya feel more suspicious if itwasn’t for Masuya’s big puppy eyes.

They’dmeet a few more times like this to chat and get to know each other. Kou stillinsists on trying to interview Uriya. The routine is more of the same and maybeUriya starts getting a bit more confident to try telling Kou off for pesteringhim when he never wanted to agree to this. But at the same time, he wonders ifstopping this would stop Masuya from approaching him for their chats. So, hedoesn’t push Kou back as hard as he could even though Kou still unnerves him intoo many ways for comfort.

Fastforward a bit to where Kou starts to wonder where Masuya has been running offto every day and, with a little snooping and due diligence, picks up on thisattraction between him and Uriya. Naturally, Kou sees this as the perfectopportunity to get the information he needed, so he doesn’t stop it orintervene. In fact, he takes careful notes… watches… and waits. Andbasically, through Masuya, he is able to uncover the truths about Uriya thatUriya hadn’t wanted to say. Of course, when Kou makes this public (at leastbetween the three of them) and pats Masuya on the back for his initiative,Uriya is mortified to think that Masuya had been tricking him all this time.Masuya naturally is just as mortified at Kou for using him like that and thentwisting it in this way.

IMAGINETHE HEARTBREAK AND THE ANGUISH. BOTH OF THEM FEELING BETRAYED BY SOMEONE THEYTRUSTED. THE MISUNDERSTANDING THAT WILL BE HARD TO CLEAR BECAUSE URIYA FEELSSTUPID FOR IGNORING HIS GUT AND GETTING HURT BECAUSE OF IT. ;;A;;

Butbecause I can’t bear to be too evil, it would turn out that Kou hadn’t intendedto hurt Masuya like that. He had been so focused on the story that he thoughtMasuya had genuinely been as focused on it as he was. So, what he said hethought had been happening wasn’t just some added sadistic twist of the knifein Uriya’s back for the sake of it or to keep Masuya from having anotherimportant person in his life. He really did misunderstand. I believe deep in myheart that Kou really does care for Masuya and would love to see him happy, sohe’d want to fix this. Probably by not releasing the story in the end (andinstead releasing something much less prying like regular mundane details) andexplaining to Uriya that Masuya had no part in what he did. Uriya probablywouldn’t believe it right away because he never felt like Kou was a trustworthyperson, but I feel like Kou would probably do his best as a friend to talk upMasuya and how much Masuya really cares about Uriya and just by the way he saysit… Uriya feels like maybe there is one thing he can trust Kou about afterall.

Gosh, okay, yeah, Uriya/Masuya is also a really cute ship,but Kou kinda prevents it from being completely fluffy when he gets involved inhis friend’s love life. Aaaah, sometimes he means well. He just really sucks at social interactions andreading the mood, and he’s stuck too deep in his own world of the press. ^^’

My favorite poly ship forthem: Uriya/Megawa/Yumotois a special brand of saccharine sweetness I’m not sure the world is ready tohandle, but by god am I totally here for it!

Myfeelings about Megawa and Uriya were already explained, so the rest of these willpiggyback off that~ I mean, if Uriya was confused as to why someone as cute asMegawa would like him, double the confusion now that he has TWO cuties lovinghim! But also double the reassurances!

Yumotowas so interested in the Melon Monster riddles, I feel like he’d hang excitedlyon Uriya’s every word when Uriya gets to talking about whatever other fun factshe has in his head. And boy, that would be such a huge confidence booster toUriya! Yumoto would make him feel so important, and I also feel like Uriyawould enjoy listening to Yumoto talk about animal facts and perhaps they’d evengo back and forth just having long conversations sharing facts with each other.Also, Yumoto has enough love in his heart to overwhelm anyone, so the fullforce of it would be enough to reassure any of Uriya’s anxieties. BecauseYumoto loves so openly and wholly and purely, just looking into that preciousface would be enough to know he’s sincere. Yumoto really is such a healingpresence~

Ihave a lot of feels about Megawa and Yumoto coming together as well. Oh gosh. Theyalready seemed kind of close or at least Yumoto definitely considered Megawa afriend and Megawa was friendly with him in return as he is with everyone. Partof me headcanons that Yumoto wished he could be more like Megawa, who is somature and responsible, because everyoneloves Megawa. Yumoto feels lonely because it seems to him like people only justtolerate him, so maybe if he changed…

Ilove the idea that this is what contributed to the whole Megane incident withthe glasses in s1e10. Subconsciously, he wanted to imitate the things that madeMegawa so popular and well-liked so that maybe his friends would love him more,too. Of course, during that whole thing Megawa got jealous of Yumoto (he mighthave been a bit jealous of Yumoto’s cuteness beforehand as well), but I like tothink that when Yumoto first showed up to school that day, he was moresurprised and concerned about the drastic change because Yumoto had been sickonly the day before. It seemed too soon for him to be back at school already -and looking/talking like that, too! Megawa just let his insecurities get thebetter of him when his team expressed an interest in Yumoto. But he learnedfrom that whole debacle that he’s still important and his team still loves himbecause he belongs with them, and just because the whole world doesn’texclusively love him doesn’t mean he is unloved. So, he realized he never hadto be jealous of Yumoto after all. And Yumoto, of course, learned that hisfriends do actually like him the way he is… they just care about him in theirown way. I think Yumoto and Megawa could have a pretty cute relationshipmutually appreciating each other.

Yumotoalone has enough love to make Megawa feel secure the way he needs to feel (heloves with the force of an entire legion), but Uriya’s love on top of that wouldbe the icing on the cake for Megawa~ He wouldn’t have to feel insecure that theydidn’t love him enough and he would take such good care of them in return, too,so they would always know he loves them as well. ;;w;; And I feel like thesethree would be able to open up to each other about the feelings they had beensuppressing all this time and really be themselves with one another.

Uriyawould probably enjoy being cuddled when he needs calming down, too, so Yumoto’ssofter cuddles would be just right for that. And I’ve kinda always been asucker for the headcanon that Megawa even enjoys when Yumoto is a bit rougherwith him during his cuddles. Because sometimes Yumoto’s love is a bit tooforceful and he forgets that people usually don’t like to be held that way(heck, he forgets that animals don’t like to be held that way, especiallyextraterrestrials *ahem*), but Megawa doesn’t really mind being manhandledsometimes. Yumoto also tends to go all out and rubs his hands all up in Megawa’ssoft fluffy hair, too, and Megawa thinks it feels nice. (Of course when they’rein public, that’s a different matter entirely because Megawa can’t go aroundlooking all disheveled, now can he?) Yumoto has to remember he can’t be asrough with Uriya, but he likes to soothingly stroke Uriya’s long silky hair andhum him sweet songs when Uriya needs the comfort. So, everyone gets what theywant/need from this arrangement. ;;v;;

Objectively,one of the best things is that Yumoto would have fun playfully teasing Megawaon occasion (you know that thing he does where he says something sly in aninnocent way with a bright smile that turns into the teeniest of smirks) becauseit flusters him so much and it makes his face get all blushy and pouty. Uriyawould be so astounded at Yumoto’s natural ability to do this because Megawa isusually so composed. Whenever Yumoto manages to fluster Megawa like that, Uriyacounts his blessings because it’s something he hasn’t figured out how to do yetand Megawa’s cute expressions are worth every second. Usually, it’s both Megawaand Yumoto who are always flustering him…not that that is as great a feat to do to his easily flustered self.

ALSOIMAGINE YUMOTO GETTING ADDED TO THAT CUTE LIBRARY STUDY DATE!

Theywould probably be kicked out of the library because Yumoto is too energetic andnoisy and restless about having to sit down and focus on homework for so long.That might stress Uriya out a bit because “oh no, the librarian is judgingthem!” but Yumoto would apologize and promise to try to be better behavedand Megawa could probably smooth things over to allow them to stay becauseeveryone trusts Megawa’s word on anything. After that, Megawa would calmly andpatiently help Yumoto with whatever he’s struggling with and try to make itmore fun for him. Yumoto would be so glad for a lunch break~ XD

My weirdest pairing for them: I wouldn’t say it’s weird,but an unusual idea I suppose I had was Uriya/Tagaru (Microphone Monster).Maybe Uriya secretly really likes poetry and these two could bond over that.Gosh, imagine Uriya writing silly melodramatic poetry about melons and Tagarutrying to convince him to perform them WITH PASSION. XD Uriya would haveterrible stage fright, but perhaps Tagaru could help him to become moreconfident!

Kurotori

My NOTP for them: Dear lord, please keep the aliens away, foreveryone’s sake. XD Okay, but seriously, Kurotori is the real tricky one here.I don’t really ship him with anyone but himself (and that’s mostly a joke) andhappiness because self-love and happiness for the win. ;;v;; BUT I JUST HADN’TTHOUGHT ABOUT HIM HARD ENOUGH YET, SO HERE WE GO!

My BROTP for them: Megawa~ The two of themteaming up to make the world love them! They have such similar issues that theycould really help each other with what they’ve learned. Like… Megawa lookingup to Kurotori and Kurotori valuing what Megawa has to offer in amentor/student sort of way. ;;v;;

Thinkabout it. Megawa is the manager of the baseball team and he learned how good itfeels to accept that he belongs with them and do his best for them because theyappreciate him no matter what. Kurotori literally got rejected by thevolleyball team he was supposed to be hired to coach… technically, anyway… andno one joined his ballet club in the end because he tried too hard and scaredeveryone away. He really could learn from Megawa how to be a good team leaderand Megawa could learn from Kurotori how to love himself enough to feel securein his position without constantly needing singular validation from others toknow he’s wanted/loved.

Imean, Kurotori had to learn the hard way that it isn’t the end of the world ifhe isn’t unanimously loved by everyone, so I feel like he could teach Megawathat just because his team likes/appreciates someone else doesn’t mean theydon’t still like/appreciate him. Because I feel like both of them, despite howfull of themselves they were, sought others’ validation in order to feel likethey were worth something. But by bonding like this, they can validate eachother by seeing the good qualities they have and working on loving themselvesmore completely~

Butwhat makes this hilarious and adorable in my mind is that it kind of impliesthat Kurotori tried to recruit the baseball team at one point and Megawa had tostep in like “I’m sorry, they can’t. Could you please leave so we cancontinue practice? Wait, why do you look so sad? Is there something wrong? Areyou okay, sensei?” And because Megawa is Here To Help, they ended uphaving a chat about this and getting to know each other and asdhklf. Part ofwhat Kurotori had learned from his Black Swan Monster incident was that, if heloves what he does and puts all his love into it, others will notice it happeningmore naturally and it won’t feel as scary/forced as it did before. Megawa is afreaking natural when it comes to taking care of others, especially his team,so if anyone could really help Kurotori in that way, it’s absolutely Megawa.

MaybeMegawa could even inspire Kurotori to take an interest in the volleyball teamafter all. I mean, we don’t really know what happened to them and season 2wrapped them in an even further mystery with ep5. So, this is what happened inmy heart until canon tells me otherwise. Megawa inspired Kurotori to go back tothe volleyball club and work with them to find them a proper coach, and he evenput some effort into actually learning about the sport so he could support themperhaps more as an adviser than as a coach, since that’s all he was qualifiedfor. (And by volleyball team, I mean the real volleyball team that we saw ins1e5 and not just Munakata and Shuzo, who I headcanon have been operating as aseparate unit on their own the entire time, hardcore pretending that the realvolleyball team doesn’t exist because they weren’t “serious enough”.)The rest of the time, he still does focus on his ballet and hopefully he foundsome students to join his club. I’m gonna headcanon that he got the first-yeartriplets interested because they thought it was so cool, and the wrestling guyjoined as well because ballet could really help him with his wrestling, somaybe he got more of the wrestling team to try it out as well. ;;v;;

OKAYBUT KUROTORI’S STUDENTS COMING TOGETHER TO SUPPORT HIM AND LET HIM KNOW THEYAPPRECIATE HIM! PLEASE I NEED IT FOR MY SOUL!

My OTP for them: Hara-sensei (the schoolnurse from the puzzle game) because JUST IMAGINE IT!

Iheadcanon that Kurotori’s a really hard worker and very dedicated to his craftto the point of forcing himself beyond his limits until he gets it perfect andwill settle for nothing less. So, when Kurotori works himself too hardpracticing until he bloodies his feet, Hara has to remind him to take bettercare of himself as he’s dressing Kurotori’s wounds. Hara is stuck betweenthinking Kurotori’s dedication admirable (he is also a very dedicated worker,himself) and finding it stupid/pointless that he disregards his health thisway. He also probably calls Kurotori out for being a hypocrite because Kurotoriis easier on his students, encouraging them to take heed against the exactthings Kurotori disregards with himself.

Harais tired and overworked, which I have a feeling is why he’s so cranky wheneverhe has a few moments alone (it’s tough having to remain professional all thetime when you’re internally screaming for a break), but I feel like Kurotoriwould remind him to relax and unwind sometimes. Maybe they can go to thebathhouse together sometimes to relax after a stressful day~

Atfirst, there could be some potential for Kurotori to be a bit jealous of Hara’spopularity with the students, but once he realizes how draining it is for Hara,I could see him having an “aah, it’s exhausting trying so hard”moment because he gets that. Hara could probably offer Kurotori some adviceabout that, too, like “All you have to do is be nice to the students.Don’t force yourself on them. Let them know you’re there and they’ll come toyou.”

IMAGINETHEM RAISING A KITTY TOGETHER THOUGH! HOW SWEET WOULD THAT BE! ;;w;;

My second choice pairing forthem: Theship I’d been grappling with since season 1 is Kurotori/Goura just to see if Icould do it and finally it managed to grow on me~

Imean, who wouldn’t get a big old crush on Goura after knowing him for a while? Iimagine Kurotori flirting with him at the bathhouse every time he goes. Gouradoesn’t quite get it, but he goes along with it anyway because he’s always niceto the customers as long as the customers don’t cause any trouble. Kurotorijust finds it endearing that most of it seems to go over Goura’s head and thisbecomes their routine.

Andbecause of this, Yumoto has also become quite comfortable with Kurotori.Perhaps sometimes Yumoto asks Kurotori to show him some ballet moves because, whilehe already has an obligation to the Defense Club, he still thinks it’s prettycool and would likely give it a try. Just imagine them dancing together andGoura watching them with a smile on his face at Yumoto’s attempts to mimicKurotori’s poses. >v

Gourais okay with anyone who is okay with Yumoto and this makes him happy to knowYumoto is having such a genuinely good time. nvn

Kurotoricrushes even harder on Goura when he sees how great of a big brother he is toYumoto (and Yumoto’s friends)… because gosh how can a man be so perfect. ;;w;;

My fluffy pairing for them: Miss Bara Beach. Idunno, I just really like the idea of them hanging out after a long day of workand Miss Bara Beach makes Kurotori a drink or something and they spend a fewcalm hours just sassing everyone and gossiping about their day. XD

I feel like they could really admire something in eachother, too. Kurotori would admire the powerful grace Miss Bara Beach holdsherself with and how she always has the right words for any situation. And MissBara Beach would admire the elegance in Kurotori’s dance and how he has foundhimself so completely in this passion of his. I have a lot of headcanons aboutMiss Bara Beach growing into herself throughout high school and finally feelingreally free once she graduated and could express herself the way she wanted to.So, I feel like she would see that freedom in Kurotori’s passion and in the wayhe learned to love himself, and find a bit of her own journey in it as well.

Okay, but also consider this… What if Miss Bara Beachactually learned dance/ballet at one point? Just picture her and Kurotori in aballet number together and she just… lifts him… hoists him effortlessly inthe air and he’s flying like the bird he was always meant to be. I DON’T KNOWBUT I JUST THINK THAT’S REALLY CUTE! MAYBE THE TWO OF THEM DANCE TOGETHER TORELIEVE STRESS OR SOMETHING JUST FOR FUN. I THINK I NEED IT.

My angsty pairing for them: Jinzou (SnowmanMonster)… I mean, he clearly felt so shitty and worthless about not beingable to complete the task that he was given as a second chance to prove he wasworth something… that he thought committingseppuku was the best option for him so he wouldn’t continue to be a failureand a disappointment to everyone… Aaaah, I feel like there’s A LOT ofpotential for angst there.

His issues stemmed from spending 5 years in cram school,piling up debts he could never pay off, only to be consistently rejected byevery college he applied to. He highly valued his own art skills and no wonderhe was so frustrated when he kept getting turned down as if it was nothing. Theonly way he could compensate for that was by building up his ego to the pointwhere he blamed everyone else for his failure and who could really blame him?! Hekeeps trying, but he’s 23 and accomplishing nothing with his life because hekeeps hitting roadblocks, his own parents are fed up with him, his family andfriends have given up. It’s a cruel, competitive world out there! And no one init took him seriously…

In the end, I think he learned to create art that would stayin people’s hearts because that would leave more of an impression on them.Because if he could light up the hearts of others with his work, he would beable to see that glimmer of hope in them and have a piece of that for himself~

Ifeel like that’s very close to what Kurotori learned to do by putting love intohis craft so that others would see it as something more natural instead offorced. Kurotori could really help Jinzou to see and understand that. Theycould work together and maybe they could even organize some kind of fundraisingevents to help Jinzou pay off his debts! I could imagine Kurotori putting on ashow of some sort for that purpose and he’d encourage Jinzou to create some newpaintings to put on display at the event and see if anyone would buy them.;;w;;

Butthe angsty part… well… the angsty part is getting there to that realization.*ahem* I don’t really want to go into anymore detail than what I already hintedat here, so hopefully you can piece together what I mean and I don’t have totake this to the next dark step on my own… Kurotori would be very worried andconcerned for Jinzou and poor Jinzou would be going through quite a terribleinternal crisis about wanting to just give up already. Aaaaaah. *cries quietlyin a corner*

My favorite poly ship forthem: Kurotorix himself x happiness WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT DOESN’T COUNT //shot

Okay,but seriously…

Forsome reason, when I was thinking about this, I suddenly got the idea in my headof Goura/Kurotori/Hara and holy moly I think that one wins my heart! PoorGoura, though. XD

Butthere clearly seems to be some kind of past there between Goura and Hara, whoboth seemed to have difficult life situations in high school. I mean, Goura wastaking care of Yumoto, running (or at least working at) the bathhouse, andfighting aliens to save the earth all on top of the rest of his schoolpriorities. And Hara moved away from home to live alone while he attended highschool at Binan, so there must have been some reason there… and consideringhe hasn’t reconnected with his family since then… asdklf OKAY BUT WHAT IFGOURA INVITED HIM OVER A LOT AND HE AND YUMOTO BECAME LIKE A SMALL FAMILY TOHARA. (I am totally going to headcanon that this is why Yumoto refers to Haraas Kurou-sensei instead.)

So,add in everything I said about the individual OTP/secondary ship parts of thispost and THE THREE OF THEM PLUS YUMOTO PLUS THE ADOPTED KITTY COULD BE A FAMILYAND NO ONE WOULD FEEL LONELY OR UNLOVED. (Plus, Kurotori and Hara both beginningto think of Yumoto as a cute younger brother is precious to me~) ;;w;;

Ijust feel like these three would also be able to help reassure each other thatthey’re not terrible people… because they all seem to have these doubts aboutthemselves. Kurotori feeling like he really isn’t good enough if people don’tlove him, Hara feeling like he is actually an awful person because he has a“bad” side to him, Goura just… oh god, Goura feeling like he’s aterrible person that no one should look up to because he still isn’t goodenough no matter how hard he tries. Goura would want to show Kurotori and Harahow good they are, and naturally how could they resist wanting to convey to himhow wonderful and kind and giving he is in return~ ;;w;;

Butthanks to this, now I’ve got the mental image in my head of Kurotori flirtingwith Goura every time he goes to the bathhouse and Goura being confused by it.But it has become a routine, so Goura just goes with it. Meanwhile, Kurotorigets to know Hara at school and that relationship starts to form. And then thefirst time Kurotori manages to convince Hara to come to the bathhouse with himto relax (aka: probably drags him there with some reluctance on Hara’s part), Kurotoriprobably greets Goura with the same flirty greeting he always does and thenGoura recognizes Hara and they realize “we’ve all known each other allthis time, hey, that’s great, we should all get together sometime to kickback!” Probably Kurotori’s suggestion, let’s be honest. XD

Ineed them all having a family meal together, though, where Kurotori and Harapraise Goura’s cooking and they make plans to do this more often. Cue the manybonding moments that will lead to the above mentioned ship feels. *sobs quietlyin a corner*

My weirdest pairing for them: Arguably all of these, let’sbe honest, but I’d still call them unusual rather than weird.

Callme weird as heck if you want, but I’m gonna say Munakata (the volleyballdude making all the totally serious ball jokes in s2e5)… I won’t even ask youto hear me out on this one, but like…

What if Kurotori actually managed to convince Munakata to rejointhe real volleyball team by showing him that they’re all trying their best tosucceed? Munakata is stubborn as all get out because he’s stuck in his ownworld of being the best, unmatched and unrivaled in skill, constantly on aquest to find something unattainable and failing to move forward for as long ashe remains fixated on it because he refuses to be a team player. Kurotori hasbeen working with the team and getting to know its members, so naturally he’dput his persistence to good use to pull Munakata back in, showing him that hewas too hard on the others all along and that he needs to try to meet them inthe middle if they want to fulfill their dream.

Once he gets Munakata’s attention, Kurotori would teach himthe value of everyone’s skills that he had overlooked because they weren’t bending to work with him at the time. And basically all thatcheesy sports anime stuff that gets you right in the feels when a characterfinally sees the light. ;;w;; It could be so beautiful. Also, maybe Kurotoricould convince Munakata to finallygraduate so he can come back as the new coach once he learns how to actuallywork with a team. I mean, this is practically a Haikyuu!! AU already, so whynot go the extra step and borrow some of the plot that was so obviously alreadybeing spoofed for the episode. XD

#Ask That Dork #boueibu #Tomorrow Starts Today #Gouratori #I had to read all of Hara's route in the game in order to finish this #I'm sorry it took so long but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELS AS YOU CAN SEE #also wow this can just double as a major headcanons post because it's practically stitched together by them *sobs*#surprisingly Kurotori was actually the easier of these two to work on because I COULD RAMBLE ABOUT HIM FOREVER #I honestly expected Uriya to be easier because I've thought more about ships involving him than I ever have with Kurotori #this was a journey of self-discovery for me in more ways than one #GOOD TO KNOW MY SHIPPER SKILLS AREN'T RUSTY #now onto the Ask about Io and Kinshirou (after I sleep because I am exhausted)#PLEASE DO FEEL FREE TO SEND ME MORE CHARACTERS #FUEL ME

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toldmystory-madehistory · 7 years

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Re-Starting The Journey

It has been a long time since I have updated this blog. Truth is, life got insanely busy and my journey hit many, many road blocks. I had big plans for this blog. Big plans for my weight loss journey and it just all crumbled before my eyes. This first update in a very long time will be raw, real, and open, tackling a few things I have put off consistently because of disappointment in myself, in the journey and in the choices I have made on some things. I warn you that it will be long, and most likely will start to ramble. But here I give everyone an update on the journey and what is next.

Let’s start with the good. In 2015, after several disappointments in my weight loss journey and a overall very hard time finding a job that made me happy, doing something that I love, I decided to apply for grad school with the hopes of getting a degree in Music Industry Administration. I was accepted and started in August of that year. Fast forward to May 2017, I sit here now with said Masters degree and wonder what is next, where to start? What to do? During the tenure of my masters program, I was meeting a lot of new people, changing in ways I never thought I would. I became more open, got better at public speaking, learned how to network and interact with people in ways I never could before.

But I was also going through another side journey. Watching all that I had worked for in my weight loss journey fall apart. I was at the tail end of a several month struggling mightily with my purpose on my journey. I was no longer losing weight, I was stagnant, and I felt no matter what I did I was no longer going to lose weight and that frustrated me to no end. I felt I could eat fast food or another meal of chicken and broccoli and see the same results. I was switching up my workouts, trying new additions, changing the cardio, everything that I could think of and nothing seemed to work. The stress and anxiety of this time, I’ve come to learn a bit more, was probably a huge indicator of why nothing was happening. Our bodies are marvelous things. They respond accordingly to what they sense we are feeling. My body was under major stress and felt it needed to hold on to whatever it had. My trainer at that time, bless her heart, tried everything she could as well. It got to a point that my food was so strict that if I couldn’t track single morsel, I wasn’t eating it. In the end, I was completely unhappy in any fitness and nutrition capacity and just had no desire to continue what I felt had become a chore.

So I started my program, while working, and commented to Northridge every week for classes, projects, and events, and just pretty much let my fitness journey fall. I could no longer afford training, so I just figured I was done. I put my full focus into my program while kind of going to the gym irregularly and still continuing to prep food but not really track it as much as I used to. I still ate relatively healthy for the most part, but ate a lot more junk that I had been when I started my journey in 2011.

In 2016, I felt a desire to, again, start to lose the weight, but had a strong lack of motivation to start over because I was so upset at myself for basically undoing all that I had worked so hard to accomplish. I was angry at myself, still am, about basically gaining most of the weight back and getting back to a place I swore I never would. My mood, my stressors, my anxiety, and most importantly, my confidence, have all taken quite the hit since then. I was genuinely happy and fully confident in myself for what felt like the first time ever at the beginning of my weight loss journey, but that has gone away. It will take a lot of work to get back there, but I am determined to do so. But I am getting a bit ahead of myself.

Flashback to 2016 and that desire to start losing the weight again and the thought of having to go through that again killed me. Did I really want to put myself through all of that again? Let me tell you one thing, the mind is a very powerful thing. It will tell you things that will never be true, but will convince you they are. And I struggled still, in staying consistent. I knew with my commute, working 30 hours a week, and trying to get my Masters, adding the gym back into my routine would be no easy task. I knew I would have to be so on top of everything.

I knew what needed to be done, because I had done it before, but just didn’t know how I would fit everything or really, where to start. The gym had become intimidating again and I just had a hard time getting past things. While researching workout plans, nutrition logs, and everything in between, I came across a woman by the name of Karina Baymiller, who runs an online fitness and nutrition coaching business called Knox Strength and Performance. I ended up contacting her and seeing if what I was going through was something she could be of help with. We ended up connecting quite well and our journey in trying to get to to the core of my problems and restarting my weight loss journey began, very slowly I might add. Success has still not come in the form of full blown weight loss results, but I have discovered a lot more of the in-between.

The in-between is the little things. The mental road blocks, and really just discovering things about yourself that you may have pushed away, not thought of, or really did not just want to see. The first thing I did with Karina is pretty much bare all. She wanted to know as much as I was willing to give, to judge my mental state and to judge where the next logical step in my weight loss would be. And boy was I sure in deeper than I thought!

The biggest thing over the course of about 8 months that she has made me discover is my borderline unhealthy obsession with calorie counting, scale watching, and overall mental state in how I had begun to treat losing weight and eating healthy. In short, I was stagnant for many more reasons besides working out. Like I had mentioned earlier, my food tracking had got to the point that I wanted to track literally everything I ate. I was also very restrictive on what I would allow myself to eat and when. Even if I cheated, I wasn’t going to In-n-Out or eating a 1/2 dozen donuts on a Saturday. I was considering things like bagels, an ice cream cone, and little small things like that, that overall in the grand scheme would not be make or break in terms of weight loss. Truth was, I just didn’t let myself have too many cheats or anything rather blatant because I was so afraid of gaining the weight back. The breakdown for me, was seeing that I was no longer losing weight and wondering why I kept eating so healthy when it *clearly* wasn’t working.

With Karina, the plan is all about flexible dieting. There are no cheats, there are no restricted foods, but you follow a more simplistic plan of eating healthy but having that ice cream cone if you’re craving it, or having that donut on a Saturday morning if you’re feeling it. This is not to say that I should be eating a donut every morning or eating ice cream every night for dessert, but if I wanted it, sometimes I could have it. Her biggest thing in all of the many nutrition talks we have had, was the mindset shift. So what if you couldn’t track every morsel? In fact, no tracking app is ever really truly 100% accurate, so a bite of this or that, again, will not break you. My mindset needed to shift. And not see food as the bad guy, as the thing that caused me so much grief. But the big key was that I needed to switch up *what* healthy food I was eating. Chicken breast, brown rice, and broccoli is boring, let’s be real. Who the heck wants to eat that for lunch everyday for the rest of their lives? So I needed to start varying what I eat and that should bring about the hopeful lack of frustration on having to eat the same thing I was feeling. My goals were to find new things to cook and try. My biggest deterrent in most weeks throughout our time together so far has been really finding the time to accomplish any of this while in this program. When I say this Masters program kicked my butt for two years, that’s an understatement. I felt at times that I was struggling to come up for air after being stuck under water. But I’m getting off- track again.

Overall it sounds so simple, but it really wasn’t and hasn’t been. The food thing was the first step. The second step was not letting the gym control my life. The gym was to fit into my schedule, my schedule was not to fit around the gym. My social life had suffered during my initial weight loss journey, but it also suffered during my Masters tenure, both for different reasons. But I needed to find a schedule that worked. I pride myself on organization and planning, but for the life of me, I could just not get all 3 to work together like I wanted.

The next biggest thing was really just getting myself in the gym. Easier said than done. With my commute to school, I needed more time on those days to drive, which cut into my time for things like getting in the gym, or doing something else. This proved the hardest in my time with Karina so far, which I am hopeful will alleviate itself now with one less thing on my plate. I was getting randomly sick throughout last year, ended up straining my ankle quite severely, both things keeping me out of the gym more than being on a fitness program should allow. Needless to say, I never really felt like I ever settled into a consistent routine. Because my life didn’t feel consistent.

Another major thing on the food topic that Karina and I had gone back and forth with quite a bit was how much I was eating and what it consisted of. In being so restrictive of my food, I had messed up my metabolism, which was most likely a contributing factor to the lack of weight loss. What we discovered, is that I was actually not eating enough. I was not eating enough protein for starters, but surprisingly, on some days, I was not even eating enough carbs. I thought she was crazy when she set my numbers for food intake, and believe me I still struggle with it today and fought for a long while, still in the mindset that they were just too high. But after many explanations and back/forth we’ve met common ground and I see now why they are important, even though my mind sometimes says otherwise. Choosing the food to fill your day is even more important when you have specific numbers you want to meet. The great thing here, is we worked up to them slowly. We focused on one thing, then another, then another. And now we’ve got a better focus on the main protein/carb/fat ratio. It’s still not great, it’s still not complexly consistent, but I know it can be done.

Even though I was busy, there were many excuses that still held me back from actually being consistent with trying to lose weight again. And in all honesty, I think knowing how hard I would have to work, it kind of deterred me from starting sometimes. I was going through the motions, walking to the gym, doing my thing, not great, and leaving. Or skipping cardio workouts. Not eating consistently enough to be able to see changes. I just wasn’t focused enough to see many positive changes.

Flash forward to current time. I continue today with Karina, still really struggling mentally and physically to find my full groove, but now with the weight of my Masters program behind me, I am restarting the journey to a healthy body, mind, and soul. Karina has been insanely patient with my schedule and with the real lack of physical results we have been seeing. But the mental change, in many ways, as become quite different. In discovering the things I had pushed off, had been doing, and so on. She has been great at getting down to the root causes of just what I am thinking, things I am interpreting, and what the next steps would be. She calls me out when she knows I can be better. I know I can be 100% better than what product I am putting out now. I know that staying consistent for longer than a week or two will start to yield positive results and she reminds me of that constantly. I know it will not be easy. I know that I have not put even close to my best effort again into losing weight, but I know, most importantly, that it is in there to be done. I’ve done it before, and can do it again.

As I sit here and write this and think back on everything that has seemed to move so quickly yet not at the same time, I am reflective. I know I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I have a good life, but I want it to be better. Because in the end, I know how great it feels to be free of the weight and walk around with great confidence in your accomplishments. I am sure there will be more speed bumps and road blocks along the way, but as long as I can continue to navigate around them. I am hopeful that I will find success once again. I know this journey won’t be easy, in fact, I know just how hard it is. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

For now, thank you for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts. I’m going to continue on with trying to find a job in this crazy music industry that I am so passionate about and continue my journey into the next phase of my life. And I want to invite anyone who’d like to join in this weight loss journey to hop on. Because if I haven’t learned enough, I have learned that having people around you that feel the same way and that are doing things you are doing makes all of the difference. Whether that’s going to the gym, getting out in nature on a hike, or going out for a healthy lunch/dinner with friends. That connection is so vital. Because, in the end, my weight loss journey affects the people around me, and what is going on around me, in turn, affects my journey as well.

#fitness #weightloss #fitnessjourney #nutrition

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jsalim-art · 7 years

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Something to get out my chest

I’m probably going to delete this later and I just need to get this out my chest because I have been bottling it up for a long while and if I do blurt it to said certain family members I know I would regret saying what I said. Although talking to the void is probably not a good idea but seems a better place to vent than exploding in rage by venting my frustrations in real life and I have nothing to lose just saying this here. I'd be doing vent art to express this but it seems I don't have the energy to do ambitious works (well at least I have a bit of energy to do little doodles) anyways where shall I start? I might ramble off topic here and there so bare with me. And this is gonna be long.....

I love to draw and write the characters and worlds I create in my world and the only person who knows what are in these worlds and these characters is myself and well someone has to make them. I have been drawing since I can remember holding a pencil. My mind back then and now is always filled to the brim with ideas and concepts I'm dying to put on paper. Most of these works are unfinished and the only finished work I have to offer was a shameless self-insert fanfiction but that is another story. The earliest I can remember is at 10-11 I made my own fantasy and all over the place story and mind you it sucks but it was the forerunner of all my original stories that influenced my work now. I like all artists have our beginnings somewhere and well that is where I started my road into creating stories and art for the worlds I create.

This is what makes me happy or my happy place. I'd be content to spend my days working on my stories and art. During my teen years onwards I basically did that obviously while balancing school, social life (or my lack of it), and family life. It was great, and although I had difficulty balancing that when I first got to college I still managed. Then things changed, family stuff added along with stressing over course work really did a number on me emotionally and maybe mentally, well whatever it was it was the result of me failing a semester and having to redo it twice before I can finally move on to my final semester. Despite what I have gone through I was ecstatic I finally graduated completing my Independent Illustration diploma in college that was late 2013 to early 2014 when that happened.

You’d think I’d work out something like build a better portfolio so I can network myself or take up my learning to the next level but nope I was an idiot back then and still feel like it now because of my choices. Instead, I was scared what my future holds out for me I feel like now that I finished this stage of my learning that the sky’s the limit that I can do anything my heart desires and nothing can stop that. Then I forgot I have obligations to my family, I still live with them and I have no shame in that (after all life is difficult living on your own in these times now especially) also, for now, that is the only choice I have.

So after graduation, my family finally got the okay from the government to get our Canadian citizenships which was about damn time considering we stayed in this country as immigrants for like almost a decade and other than me graduating art school, I get to finally get my citizenship. After our ceremony, my dad announced for a bullshit reason that he is taking me, my sister, my mom, and niece to Dubai because my mom has to sign some important paper (spoiler alert there is no paper signed at all and it was all a lie my father gave us to come). So what did I do instead of working on a portfolio or something? I spent all of 2014 being anxious, I was not proud of what I choose to do instead of doing the smart thing.

I basically accepted my fate this is what's going to happen. I literally left Canada on New Year’s Eve and spent the first 3 months of 2015 away from home. A huge chunk of my “vacation” was spent in Kuwait, trapped in a hotel with my mom, sister, and niece. It was a nightmare and I never want that to happen again I did get to go places but 90% I was stuck in that damned hotel (why we were in there is a personal reason I will not disclose). The only thing that is good with this trip is my week in Thailand with my family and although I got sick there I enjoyed this part of the vacation a lot more than being trapped in a hotel in Kuwait. I did manage to do some of my art at least during these 3 months but was not a lot like I hoped for.

But ever since that trip I guess it kinda changed me a bit. I don’t consider myself a positive person heck I’m mostly negative I at least try to be optimistic. Now I just accept that my life is probably not going to be what I hope it will be. And I get it life happens and the plans you make for yourself do not always go the way you want and sometimes it is a good thing cause it may be a better path to some or not to others. I should know I went from being an illustration student to a NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training) to a Liberal Arts Student so yes life works in mysterious ways.

Liberal Arts was a different territory to art courses considering its essays, readings, tests, quizzes, etc it was hard I must say I spent half my time crying over my homework and lamenting if I failed or not (although that seems to have worked wonders into getting passing grades and up). But I enjoy these classes and I do want to open my horizons to learning and hey maybe find some inspiration along the way. I already finished my second semester and currently waiting with anticipation for my final grades so wish me luck I survived the semester with passing colors. I also thought I can go back to balancing my school work and my art like I always had done. Then I forgot I have family obligations/contributions I must do. Not that I do not mind but these drain up my mental energy and by the time I am not needed I just can’t really bring myself to pick up a pencil and draw. Whatever I have time left before I sleep is stare at youtube videos and reblogging stuff online because that's how mentally tired and worthless I feel.

When I finally do have the time to actually pick up a pencil and draw 70% of the time I choose to procrastinate because I believe I’ll just be called over by the family for certain responsibilities and I’ll never get the peace and quiet I need to just do what I love and am passionate about. It's always the same cycle ever since then. I just hope there will be that window of opportunity where I have all the time I needed to just draw and maybe write and that one opportunity I had was taken away from me. Well, it won’t be for forever cause there will be more opportunities for me to actually get my lazy ass to draw maybe write. It's just that I am sick and tired of having my time taken away from me and I am mad at myself for being a doormat. But I’m just scared of feeling that I am selfish for wanting that and maybe it’s time I stop that and it will be hard for me to get over. I coped with this by blaming my problems on my family saying its their fault they did this to me (it is obviously not true but it's a way I made myself feel better and denying that this is mostly my doing) I now know it's futile projecting this because in the end, I myself have to make time for myself to do the things I am passionate about. I’ve grown quite resentful and I don’t want to become this bitter person in the future who felt like her life got wasted because she made herself a doormat to please her family or scared of her future. I envy you artists out there who have all the time in the world to make creative original (as well as fan work) content without having to deal with the roadblocks in life and being in charge of your lives. I just want to say that you have to cherish the time you make for yourself to be creative you never know what will happen and before you know it *poof* you hardly have the time. Don’t ever take it for granted like I have.

Art means a lot to me and I feel like I disappointed myself and I feel like I don’t deserve to hang my illustration diploma because I fee like an imposter and felt like I wasted my years being scared of my future so much so that I got to the point where I feel I went to the point of no return. It makes me feel like maybe I should just give up on art and forget about all those worlds and characters I created like whats the use of being creative when life got you by the ankles and refused to let go. As much as I am in such a negative state of mind refuse to outright throw away everything I hold dear and give in the mediocracy of life dragging me away. I don’t want to be discouraged ever again, I want to be sure that this time this is what I want to do with my life whether I go to study graphic design, or go big with my art or even have a typical 9-5 job but still able to find the time to do art and/or write. This is my life and maybe right now the time for doing what I love is not in my future at the moment but its still going to be there for me when I come back.

And I just want to say and I know I do not need to apologize to my followers I’m sorry if you followed me for the art and hardly or never got any content since following me. As much as I would love to post as much of my originally content as possible well I have to deal with life and responsibilities some of that said responsibilities isn’t so supposed to be mine in the first place. I thank you to those who stuck by if anything I’ll try my best to make more content when that window of opportunity opens for me and you’ll bet your ass it will be a tidal wave of stuff.

But like I said life is strange sometimes, and I’m not about to give up just yet.

- signed a former illustration student trying to find her way

#personal #jehan speaks #jehan vents #confession #venting #artist problems I guess mixed in with life problems #I honestly feel better now I got this out of my system #I'll probably start bottling my emotions again after this but at least I'm starting at a blank slate #tldr: life kinda sucks for me atm but I am trying my damndest to get where I needed to be #so sit tight

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punkwhodrinkstea-blog · 7 years

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Addicted to Solitude (+Rant)

Hello web surfers, It’s been awhile since my last post so let me just start with a quick update. E3 has been a joy to watch though a bit underwhelming in regards to new games but the Virtual reality games are coming in nicely. Xbox is adding backwards compatibility to the Xbox One for the original Xbox which is awesome. Nintendo surprised me with a few good games unlike the past 9 years where the only good games are Zelda or… nope that’s pretty much it. The new Assassins Creed Origins, Battlefront 2, Far Cry 5, Project Cars 2 and LIFE IS STRANGE season 2! Are on my watch list. I am doing my best to not buy any games but depending on how many hours I work over the summer, I just may cave in get one or two. A game that really saddened me was “The Crew 2”. I was a huge fan of the first game and I was so excited for a second one and I thought for sure it was going to be a ‘must buy’ for me but they seemed to have taken the game into a new direction. Instead of building on street racing and the social side of co-op and PvP racing, they added boat racing, plane racing and dirt bikes. Now dirt bikes I’m cool with but seriously, who wants to race a boat or a plane? Anyway I’ve gotta stop going on about gaming… it’s just so awesome. Anyway my depression has been numbed I guess, I can still feel it and I’m sure it’ll strike and haunt me anytime but with all the excitement of E3 along with busy school stuff right now a few other fun plans, there hasn’t been much time for me to stop and hate myself. Except now I’m thinking about it… hmmm let’s move on. The last update is about how I came across more evidence to support the theory that my parents and siblings are a major contributor in my depression. I got into a few different fights with my parents and/or siblings, within a span of 4 days. The results were me wanting to cut myself and the only thing that stopped me was that my girlfriend wouldn’t want me too. It does make for a great coping method but it’s not healthy. Next is my sister she’s a special type of evil, she’s was around this past weekend and dang I would need to dedicate an entire post towards how evil, mean, judgmental, degrading and toxic she is. The worst part is that she has everyone fooled, she acts so nice and perfect and socially acceptable and complies with all social norms when people are watching but around the house she rips on me like it’s her day job. Also she does it right in front of my parents too and they say nothing! Actually they are more likely to join her, they’ve done that several times. No wonder I feel worthless and hate myself, everyone who says they love me (lies) rips me down and tears me apart. I don’t feel socially, emotionally or mentally safe here. I’m at the point where before I open my mouth I ask myself “is this 100% required to be said” and if the answer is no then I say nothing. If I word something imperfectly I will get a lecture and be told I suck at socializing or I suck at English. If I spill a glass of water then I’m clumsy and uncoordinated. If I ask for the car to see my girlfriend (which is less than once a week) then I’m selfish and entitled. If I eat some food which is expensive (basically any fruit or meat) then I’m hogging all the good food. If any sound comes from my room: music, game sounds, loud laughter then I am inconsiderate of my sister who is watching netflix or listening to music in her room adjacent to mine (but it’s ok to hear hers because my parents like her genre of music). If I use the bathroom and someone else needs it then I am inconsiderate but if I need to use the bathroom and someone else is using it then I need to either plan better or wait my turn. (waiting my turn is fine, as should everyone, but this double standard really gets to me). I have a brother too but he moved out… but he may be moving back in once we move to our new house, I guess I’m just gonna live in a certain stage of hell because he’s no better. My parents and my siblings just beat up on me at every chance they get and call it “constructive criticism” which some times it can be but 99% of the time it’s just straight up bullying and there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean what can I do when my parents, the people with all the power and authority don’t even see how unjust everything is. I can’t wait to move out. Heck if I could move in with my girlfriend and her family I would. There’s just several problems with that… it’s a bummer. Anyway this kinda turned into a rant. Let’s move onto the other thing I noticed.

So folks, I noticed that I’m addicted to solitude and after reading the paragraph above you can imagine why. I go through great efforts to avoid my family and most people. I was at a church meeting and a work meeting this week and both times I sit in the far back corner and do my best to look unfriendly (not mean just not socially friendly) so that no one will sit next to me, or near me. It works well and when I get home I go to my room with a headset on. I am almost always alone in silence. Writing, reading, working on art or gaming which has sound. I sometimes listen to music but I am trying to cut it out so I am not too over stimulated. I found that over stimulation and especially loud environments and sounds encourage my depression to kick in and make me suffer more and more so I’ve cut back on music. I no longer even care to try and be social. I just crave to get back to my room and disappear. The only time I’m happy and free to leave is when I’m going to see my girlfriend, she really has become the closest person I have to family and so has her family, though I’m not totally sure where I stand with her dad but I’m not sure if I am free to go into details nor do I want to. I really savor my peaceful, quiet, alone time when I’m at home because at any moment my brother could walk through the door; “hey big guy” or hey little buddy, I’m here to tell you that you’re wasting your life, I mean I don’t know anything about you but you like videogames and I’m perfect so I can tell you that you’re a waste”. Or my sister could be home and tell me to shut up, yeah she straight up tells me to shut up if I say something that she simply doesn’t want to hear; because obviously she has total control over everything or if I use a plate or cup I am basically crucified for it because that’s an extra dish which needs to be washed like big whoop it’s a freak’n cup! I could go on and on about this but I’m gonna try and stop now. Anyway about solitude. I read somewhere that solitude actually can be addicting, however I have a feeling it’s not any different from other things that seem to be addicting. For example alcohol is not addictive in itself but avoiding your problems or temporarily forgetting your problems by using alcohol can make the use of alcohol addictive. Now you only become addicted alcohol because you are trying hard to avoid or forget your problems. I am using excessive solitude for that same reason, though my problem is the environment made by my parents and siblings actions, words and overall mindset towards me. It really sucks living somewhere where no one knows you. My parents didn’t know I liked to write until I told them, they still thought I liked playing Call of Duty when I haven’t played Call of Duty since 2013 (4 years ago!), they still think I’m violent even though I haven’t got in a real fist fight since elementary school (over 7 years ago). The only thing they know about me is that I love chicken fingers… who doesn’t? They’re the best. Anyway I don’t have much more to add about my love/addiction for being alone since it’s pretty simple to understand and I think I’ve done enough ranting for one night.

So I end things off, I thought I should mention that I am still working on my book, I’ve just been super busy with school, E3 gaming stuff and a few other life events the past week or two. Also I realized recently how lucky I am that I never got addicted to cutting, I may have my girlfriend to thank for that… but it feels so good… no wait what! No. Never mind. I should go, I’m gonna go eat chicken fingers now for a 3am DESERT! : ) Good night everyone and sorry for being so ranty… actually never mind this is my blog, I can rant as much as I want. Peace out!

#depression #gamer #E3 #depressionarmy #relatable #mask #maskless #themasklessboy #masklessboy #christian #rant

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meadowstoneuk · 4 years

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The AG Team’s Great Gardening Achievements

As lockdown eases, Team AG looks back on 100+ days of gardening misadventures, happy accidents and personal triumphs. It's good to share...

Garry Coward-Williams, editor

My fiancée Gill and I have lived at our house four years and we have worked hard to develop our garden from an overgrown disaster area into something more appealing to us and one that would encourage wildlife.

However, as you all know, it takes a lot of time to make big changes —unless you have former AG deputy Editor Alan Titchmarsh and a TV crew to hand! We didn’t, so it’s been a slow process.

Garry and Gill have spent lockdown creating the garden they’ve always wanted

However, with the lockdown in place there was nothing to distract us realising a project we’ve been wanting to do for a long time: to create a rock garden in one of our three borders. Previously this border was home to an unruly collection of ferns and as much as we liked them, we felt they would be better at the rear of the garden.

The task seemed pretty simple: dig the ferns out, clear away any old root systems, turn over and replace soil and then start planting.

However, those ancient ferns were not prepared to go quietly and it took a huge amount of work with axe and spade to hack them out. To add to the difficulty we found this border had been a dumping ground for rubble and so huge bits of stone had to be levered out.

Finally Garry’s rock garden was completed

Then we discovered that below the soil surface was in a series of massively dense root systems. By the time we excavated the root networks and rubble we were left with a huge crater!

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Undeterred we replaced and fed the soil and planted euphorbia, sea thrift, aubrieta, primroses, geraniums, eryngiums, thyme, salvias, clary, santolina, forget-me-nots and lavender.

The whole project took around four days and probably would not have happened so quickly but for lockdown.

Ruth Hayes, gardening editor

The one – admittedly somewhat slight – consolation following the cancellation of this summer’s holidays and festivals has been the chance to keep an eye on the garden all season.

The hope is that these unbroken weeks of care and attention will result in generous crops and prolific blooms, an urban Garden of Eden if you will.

Ruth’s fruit and veg growing area has come up trumps during lockdown

So far the only casualty has been our leeks, which didn’t enjoy the hot, dry start to summer (not helped by our inadequate watering) and bolted at breakneck speed, throwing out flower spikes and turning hard, woody and inedible.

They have been removed and a fresh lot planted so hopefully we will be able to salvage something for the Christmas table.

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Otherwise the garden has put on its best show yet, thanks no doubt to the soggy start to the year followed by that glorious early summer.

Lockdown gave us the chance to spend more time growing and tending and the veg patch in particular has been astounding – rhubarb, mangetout and beans, punnets of soft fruits, figs, salads, tomatoes (slow to redden but now getting there) and an embarrassment of garlic, onions and shallots.

Best of all has been the asparagus. We planted two roots back in early spring and waiting for the first shoots, not to eat this year because the plants are too young, but to watch and celebrate.

After weeks of waiting, the asparagus has risen!

And we waited. And waited. And then we waited a little bit more, with some extra waiting added to the end of that too and then last week, just as hope was almost lost, the first thin, brave spears appeared above the ground.

Since then we have been watching their daily progress with the intensity of doting parents and dreaming of future springs tasting of rich, buttery luxury.

Lesley Upton, features editor

I’ve had quite a few gardening successes so far this year, including broad beans, strawberries, lettuces, potatoes and sweet peas at the allotment.

There were also some failures – notably peas, because I neglected them, so they became strangled by the weeds and eaten by the pigeons. Needless to say, I’ve probably picked only 20 or 30 pods from the four rows that I sowed.

The gardening success that has given me the most pleasure, though, is my English lavender in the back garden. It has gone bonkers this year, and has attracted so many bees I find it hard to count them all.

The bees, as far as I can tell, are mainly white-tailed bumblebees, with a few honeybees and red-tailed bumblebees. I am taking more of an interest in the different bee species now that so many of them are attracted to the lavender.

I have spent hours watching these insects going about their business, and find it very relaxing. It’s also exciting when I think I’ve seen a ‘new’ bee, as I rush back indoors and search for one of my wildlife books.

amateurgardening.com/blog

I grow my lavender in front of the greenhouse, but it has grown so well this year that it has blocked the entrance!

I now have to step over the lavender and the bees if I want to get inside the greenhouse, and sometimes the bees aren’t too happy about being disturbed!

Janey Goulding, assistant editor

When people talk about ‘everything but the kitchen sink’, I’m guessing they never had a kitchen sink like mine. It’s a veritable Battersea Dogs & Cats Home of plants that are being cared for – Battersea Plants Home, if you will.

With no outdoor plot, the kitchen is my de facto place for practical gardening. Stuffed to the gills with verdant aspirations, you’ll struggle to locate the washing-up, and anyone holding a plate is advised to approach with caution.

There’s barely room for the sink in Janey’s kitchen!

Having the confidence to experiment in a small environment is my great gardening achievement. For me, it’s all about the small victories (well, it has to be in my flat).

A year ago, my star jasmine was having a personality crisis, prompting a few cuttings, left for months to root in a jar – during lockdown, these flourished in a new pot and it’s a joy to see all the vigorous, glossy growth.

I’d also been worrying about a flower-free anthurium until I switched to orchid bark: why hello, first flamingo flower in two years!

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Arguably, growing Tomato ‘Tom Thumb’ from seed has been the ‘biggest’ project. After cradling these big boys into conical supports, they seemed to grow a foot overnight, and now tower over me like vertiginous teenagers. And like a proud auntie, I’ll say: “Ah, I remember when you were wee small things, and (less like an auntie) just popping out of your modules.”

Aloe, have a banana!

It’s about having the courage to think laterally, like thinking: yes, I will stick these aloe cuttings in a banana. Why not? The potassium works wonders. It’s something I might not have done before lockdown, but what the heck? Gardening is about taking chances.

It’s also about thinking creatively, and vertically, in whatever container works for a bulging menagerie, from mosaic stepping to macramé boosters – inspired by the RHS Houseplant Takeover, where giant ferns languished in a clawfoot bath and bromeliads jostled for the right side of the bed.

Every joy is an achievement. Next up is Senecio ‘Angel Wings’, which Peter Seabrook mentions in AG 25 July. He says touching the leaves is better than stroking a cat.

It looks to me like a unicorn cabbage, and every time I see a picture I want to bury my face in it. Still, since I don’t have a pet… Battersea Plants Home is calling!

amateurgardening.com/blog

Wendy Humphries, letters editor

It’s amazing how a few small changes outdoors can give you a real sense of achievement.

One single thing that took no time at all was revamp our small patio. Finding new homes for pots and moving the dining table and chairs to a new position on the lawn has made the garden feel so much more spacious and easier to use. Why didn’t we think of this before!

One of Wendy’s main lockdown tasks has been repairing a rotten 1.8m long wooden vegetable trug

Other jobs that seemed too big during normal times were done at a leisurely rate… the weather was kind and within a few weeks everything seemed ship-shape and in order – the garden has never looked so tidy.

A major undertaking was to rebuild a 1.8m long wooden vegetable trug. It had served us for a few years but recently sat idle as the timbers had completely rotted.

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My husband sourced new gravel boards for £5 each from a local fencing company who were doing home deliveries. These timbers were painted with an eco and plant- friendly treatment and a permeable liner secured in place.

The new wood has since mellowed to a lovely silvery grey. Finally, the trug was filled with 450 litres of compost, using bags of peat-free for vegetables mixed with 20 per cent John Innes No 2.

Soon the Humphries’ household will be enjoying the good life with fresh tomatoes, courgettes, parsley, basil, beetroot, lettuce and carrots, all very exciting – move over Tom and Barbara…

Let’s keep gardening!

One of the great things about lockdown was that more people discovered the joy of gardening and growing things and we greatly hope that this won’t wear off now that ‘normal’ life has resumed.

This blog is an insight into what the AG team is up in their gardens, what we like to grow, what we pick and harvest, what’s worked for us and what hasn’t – because like everyone, things go wrong for us too!

AG’s agony uncle John Negus is still answering your questions and solving your problms

Our gardening ‘agony uncle’ John Negus is also still working hard. Send him your problems and questions, with pictures if you can, and he will get back to you with an answer within 24 hours, as he has been doing for decades. Contact him using the AG email address at: [email protected]

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We already have thriving Facebook page but are also on Twitter and Instagram. These sites are a brilliant way of chatting to people, sharing news, information, pictures and just saying hello –we will get back to you as soon as we can.

Best of all, as gardeners are generally lovely folk, more interested in plants, hedgehogs, tea and cake than political shenanigans and point-scoring, so the chat is friendly and welcoming.

You can find us at:

Facebook: Facebook.com/AmateurGardeningMagazine

Twitter: Twitter.com/TheAGTeam

Instagram: instagram.com/amgardening_mag

So please drop by, follow us, ‘like’our posts and say hello –we will reply as soon as we can. Happy gardening!

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