#i am not a fucking live in cook and cleaner

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[dumblebumblebee]

no i genuinely think james wilson is insane and i will prove it right now. be amazed at my deductive reasoning.

in season two when wilson is temporarily staying with house as he looks for a new apartment, house ends up deleting a message from a realtor involving information regarding an available apartment wilson was interested in. we're led to believe that this is because house has realized that wilson staying with him means a cleaner environment and real food to eat, and he doesn't want to lose those perks.

but tbqfh i am almost positive that wilson did that on purpose. this man has his OWN phone, so why would he give out house's number for information that only pertains to him? he was 100% trying to gauge house's tolerance of him living there.

i mean, even in episode one it's explicitly stated that house shows affection through actions, rather than words. based on his actions, wilson knows that house cares about him, and also house likes to feel as though he is mischievous and one step ahead of everyone else at all times.

if house, for some reason (say, idk, delicious meals), changed his mind about wanting wilson to move out, would he really swallow his pride and ask wilson to stay? no he fucking would not. he could never admit that he actually is obsessed with wilson's cooking, because that is essentially saying that he's become dependent on something that someone who is NOT himself can provide.

so, instead of having a conversation like a sane person, wilson gave out house's number for information regarding his moving. This way, if house really wanted him to move out, he could shove the message in wilson's face. But, if not, he could start scheming like a cartoon villain for a devious little way to make sure wilson didn't have the opportunity. which is what happened.

wilson 100% orchestrated that entire interaction i am fucking positive

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Simmer #4

CH4. 0800-Awkward | The Menu [4.3K] Eddie Munson x shy fem!reader: a line cook au.

Eddie’s van was cleaner than you expected and it smelled like mint gum and coffee. There were sheets of paper on the passenger seat he cleared for you with quick hands, boyish scrawls of ink noting down recipes and ingredients, a page of music in between. 

Music blared from the radio when Eddie turned on the engine and he scowled at the noise, bashing the button to turn it off so you were both squished between awkward silence instead. You put your hands on your lap, sitting up too straight, throat tight. 

The quiet enveloped you both. 

“Where am I takin’ you?” Eddie asked gruffly once he turned out of the parking lot. The rain was still bouncing off the roads, the sky dark and angry, navy coloured clouds blocking out all the light. “You live near Robin, right?”

You nodded, pulling at your knuckles until you gave in and picked at a nail, nervousness clawing at you like a persistent puppy. The boy beside you made your stomach tumble, and you weren’t quite sure why yet. “Yeah, just off fourth and Maple,” you told him. “But you can drop me off at the pharmacy, it’s only, like, a ten minute walk from there.”

Eddie scoffed at your suggestion, like he’d do no such thing, but he didn’t say anything else. So you spoke instead, your heart in your dry mouth, watching the boy’s profile, wondering how someone so pretty could be so damn mad all the time. Was it just you?

“So, uh, is Wayne your dad?”

Eddie didn’t take his eyes off the road, he just stepped on the accelerator a little too hard when the lights changed from amber to green. When the engine stopped yelling, he answered. “He’s my uncle.”

“Oh.” You didn’t know what else to say. Something told you that asking anything about Eddie’s father would result in a very quiet, very tense ride back to your apartment. “He’s real sweet— your uncle. He’s been super nice to me.”

“Wayne’s nice to everyone,” Eddie replied shortly and it hurt like a kick to the stomach. 

The breath left you and you deflated, just a little. The skin around your thumb was becoming raw from your picking. You couldn’t help it, even if you muttered it as you looked out the window. “Clearly it’s not a family trait.”

“What?” Eddie’s voice was all surprise, even the van juddered as he pressed on the brakes a little too hard. You glanced over at him, chin ducked down, fingers torturing the ones on your other hand. Eddie was all raised brows and parted lips, an almost curl of amusement on them. “What did you say?”

It was a dare, a challenge. A ‘go on, say that again. Are you brave enough?’  

You glared at him, just like he loved to do to you so often. “I said, clearly, it’s not a family trait.”

“What does that mean?” Eddie laughed, a rough bark that told you he didn’t actually find you funny at all. 

You were a built up dam, spilling over the top with a new job, new friends, a new apartment in a new town. It was scary. It had been hard. 

You burst. 

“You’re so mean to me,” you told him hotly, “all the time! And then you apologise, only for it to last until the end of your shift. I know I’m not like, the best waitress— I mean, I’m hardly Nancy, but I’m trying! I— I haven’t done anything to you.” You sniffed, you wobbled. Tears threatened you both and your voice came out a little higher now. “Have I? If I have, I didn’t mean to.”

You dragged a hand over your face and when you looked back to the boy, Eddie looked horrified. He was pink in the face, eyes darting from you to the road and back again, his finger curling around the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip. He didn’t say anything. 

“This is so fucking stupid,” you muttered to your lap and when Eddie slowed to the next stop sign, you flung a hand onto the door handle. “Just drop me here.”

The sound of the rain slapping the pavement only grew louder when you managed to open the door a crack and it seemed to spur Eddie into action. He leaned over you and grabbed at your hand, using it to pull the door shut again. It snapped back into place and Eddie was scowling when you swore at him in return. “Fucking Christ, woman,” he huffed. “I’m takin’ you home, alright? You’ll drown out there.”

“It’s a bit of rain, Eddie,” you snapped. “I lived in Chicago, I’ll survive some water.” Your ferocity was short lived, because you gave in with a huff, eyes watering once more as you pressed yourself against the seat and crossed your arms in defeat. 

There was a voice in your head, someone from an old job, an old classmate in middle school, your mom. It didn’t matter who, they were all cruel. Cry baby, cry baby, cry baby. 

“Can you just - fuck - can you just let me talk?” 

You watched as Eddie licked his lips, maybe out of nerves and he gripped the steering wheel harder still. You thought he’d maybe yell at you, maybe he’d tell you exactly why he was so hot and cold with you, maybe he’d explain in detail why you’d managed to piss him off. 

Instead, he asked, “why’d you leave Chicago?”

You stared at him. Was he joking? Was he playing some kind of weird joke? But Eddie waited, his face a pretty picture of sincerity and he glanced at you from the road as often as safety would let him. 

“Uh, I didn’t like it,” you scrunched your face at the memory, nose wrinkling in distaste. “Too big, too loud. I don’t really—” you searched for the right word, one that wouldn’t make you sound weak and small. “I don’t enjoy big cities. They’re too much.”

Eddie nodded and suddenly, suddenly, you were having a conversation with him. “I get that. My mom moved to Philadelphia, I don’t see her much, but I used to visit when I was a kid. Hated that no matter what time of night it was, it was never quiet - or dark - fuckin’ lights everywhere.”

There was a silence before you pressed your lips together and hummed. “Yeah,” you agreed. “You could never see the stars in Chicago. I missed that.” 

The rain was letting up now, nothing more than a horrible drizzle that you knew would still soak you to the bone, but it was quieter. Softer. The sky turned lilac, a hazy kind of purple blue as the sun tried to break through. 

“Where did you grow up?” Eddie peered through his curls at you, his fingers unfurling from the death grip he had on the wheel. He turned down Main Street, one hand in his lap, his head leaning back against the chair. “I know it wasn’t here - would’ve remembered you.”

“Fortville,” you told him, wondering if you just kept talking, your heart would stop racing at what he’d just said to you. “With my parents. It was a tiny place, not much there, probably even smaller than Hawkins and we had chickens and a dog my mom rescued just before I was born. I liked it though, it was a nice place to grow up.”

“Why’d you leave?”

You shrugged, turned to look out the window at the spots of rain on the glass, the kaleidoscope of colours they made now the sun shone through them. “Dad left, found another family. Mom turned mean.” You didn’t elaborate more than that and Eddie noticed how your voice turned softer, even quieter. 

“Fair enough,” Eddie answered and you couldn’t help but notice that when he wasn’t frowning, when the lines between his brows were gone, his eyes were the colour of dark chocolate, big and earnest looking. “I can, uh, relate. Kinda.”

A comfortable silence passed after that, one that came with the break of the clouds, dark shadows giving way to a late evening sunset, turning the wet sidewalks golden. You could feel Eddie stealing glances at you, quick flickers of his eyes that went from your face to where your fingers were picking at your nails on your lap. 

“You haven’t— you haven’t done anything to me,” Eddie murmured. You looked up at the sound of his voice, nails forgotten about and you saw that flush on his cheeks rise over his nose, turning it pink. He licked his lips and you tracked the movement, feeling the nerves roll off of him and fill the space between you. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t, I didn’t mean to be… mean.”

Eddie parked the van and you blinked, not even realising that he’d stopped on your street. Your apartment building was just a little down the road, waiting. 

“You lied to me when I came in that day,” you squinted at the boy, both of you cringing at the memory of Eddie pretending that he wasn’t who he was. That he wasn’t who you were looking for. “Why? Why did you do that?”

Eddie turned a deeper shade of pink, cheeks burning and he fumbled over his words before he swallowed harshly and turned towards you in his seat. He tugged at his curls, unsure what to do with his hands now he didn’t have the wheel to grip. “I’m, shit, I’m sorry ‘bout that. That was— that was just. Stupid.”

You nodded, looking at him with sad eyes that seemed to make his brow knit together in despair. 

“I don’t, uh, I don’t do well with like, making friends?” Eddie offered an explanation that he didn’t seem to be able to admit easily. He cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to smile at you, tried to ease the feeling of guilt that was swarming him. “I get stuck in my ways, y’know? I just go to work, go home, go back to work— new things—” Eddie glanced over at you with those big eyes. “—new people, make me kinda, nervous. I guess.”

You let your gaze settle on his, watching as he took in a breath and blinked. He looked a little dizzy, his confession making the air a little lighter. But something else lingered. It felt like glitter, a sparkling, pretty thing that swirled in the front space of the van. It was hopeful. 

“I get nervous too. Shy,” you admitted. You felt nervous now, tummy tumbling, a whole aviary loose inside. “About a lot of things.” About you, is what you didn’t say. “But I’m not a dick about it.”

 Eddie snorted and the sound made your lip quirk up, an almost smile. Eddie nodded, like he was agreeing with your passive insult, his lips twisting as he looked you over once more. His gaze was warmer than you’d seen it before, no furrow between his brow to make you wonder if he was pissed at you. Now he just looked… interested.

“You’re right,” he announced. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. I’ve been a dick. I’m sorry.”

“You said sorry earlier,” you reminded him. “With breakfast. But then you were a dick all over again. This hot and cold is making my head hurt.” You fiddled with the hem of your uniform dress, lifting powder blue away from your knee to pick at a loose thread. 

“I did, didn’t I?” The boy let his head fall back onto the window, a dull thud, curls sticking to the glass that was all fogged up from you both sitting talking. The setting sun made him golden, peach coloured cheeks and honey eyes, all bronze shadows and inky lines over his arms, peeking out from his T-shirt. “Was it good? Your breakfast?”

You rolled your eyes and Eddie grinned, truly, he beamed at you. It was a flirtatious thing, a pretty thing - it made your heart pick up and your breath catch in your throat because it was so fucking unexpected. 

“Yes, it was good,” you murmured, back to shy, back to dipping your chin and not really being able to look him in the eye. “But that’s not the point.”

“You’re right,” he said again. The boy seemed so much more agreeable out of his chef whites, without the heat and the noise and the constant sizzle of the kitchen. “I really am sorry - I hate, fuck, I hate that I didn’t make you feel welcome. That was shitty of me.”

You sniffed, pulled the thread loose and watched baby blue spring and curl around your finger. “It was.”

Eddie looked hopeful when you finally found the courage to meet his gaze again. He gave you a slow shrug, a half smile that still didn’t look fully sure. But he tried anyway.. “Can we start again?” He moved, shifting closer to you, close enough that the stick shift was pressing against the slight pudge of his tummy and you could smell his cologne, could see the freckles on the bridge of his nose. He held out his hand for you, silver rings and all. “Hi, I’m Eddie.”

He waited with wide eyes for you to reach out too, to slip your hand into his and curl your fingers around his palm. He did the same, engulfing you. His hands were much warmer, wider, bigger. Calloused and with silver scars, no doubt from too sharp knives. 

“It’s nice to meet you.”

—————

You burst through the kitchen doors just as you broke. A burn in the corner of your eyes, a hollow thud in your chest as the adrenaline of being yelled at surged through you. A family with too many kids to keep track of, a plate of fries on the floor before you could bring out every meal, a stressed out mother who took out her frustration on you and the fact you’d forgotten the soda one of the small boys was yelling about. She was sharp about it, loud enough for the other customers to hear and you watched as Robin frowned from the booth she was serving. 

She grabbed your elbow as you passed, feet threatening to stumble with how quick you moved, cheeks hot, throat tight. “I’ll get it,” she whispered. “Take a minute.”

But you shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak before you could suck in a breath. “S’fine. It’s fine. I’ll fix it.” 

So you let the kitchen door hit the wall as you almost ran in, eyes blinking back tears of embarrassment and the noise was enough for Eddie to look up from the grill where he was flipping burgers. He frowned at the sight of you, but this time, he looked concerned. You rushed past him to grab the glass of soda that was sitting forgotten on a tray - next to the extra basket of fries the woman had requested, fuck - and turned on your heel to go back out the way you came. 

“Hey,” Eddie called after you, “what’s wrong?”

You brushed him away with a raised hand, the other holding the tray of missed items and you didn’t trust yourself to look back at the boy as you rushed back out the door. You sniffed and blinked before you put on a smile, approaching the woman who’d loudly berated you in front of the entire diner. 

“I’m so sorry again,” you whispered as you placed the drink and fries on the messy table. One of the kids screamed and you flinched, trying your best to keep the smile on your face as the woman turned to you. “If there’s anything else I can get you, ju—”

“If there’s anything else I need, I’ll get it myself,” she scoffed meanly. Her voice was too sharp, still too loud, a biting thing that dug into your arm and wouldn’t let go. “You got a pretty face, honey, but that’s not gonna get you far. Can hear that empty space in that head from all the way over here.”

You blinked again, uncaring that a tear slipped out, a hot drip of water down one cheek. You kept smiling. In fact, you smiled all the way back into the kitchen before your breath stuttered and your face crumpled. 

“Hey, hey, c’mon.” Eddie. At your side, a hand catching your elbow, fingertips grazing your skin like he was still too unsure to hold you fully. “C’mere. It’s fine.”

He led you through the kitchen, hand guiding you so your blurry eyes didn’t lead you into the corner of a station. There was something spicy cooking in a pan, garlic and chilli and soy that Argyle took over stirring as Eddie left it alone in favour of you. Jim must’ve heard the commotion in the dining room, ‘cause he made a rare appearance outside of his office, hand holding onto the door frame as he leaned out, frowning at what he saw. 

“Chicago,” he called through the kitchen, voice booming over the radio, the sizzle of the grill, the drone of the vents. “You good? You wanna talk?”

You turned, bumping into Eddie’s side and shaking your head, all whilst trying to smile and appear like you were absolutely fine. Totally normal. Definitely not crying like a baby. You cringed, turning back around and ducking your chin to hide your glossy eyes, your wet cheeks. 

“S’fine, Jim,” Eddie called back. “I’ve got her. Jus’ give us five minutes.”

“Munson, you got burgers on!” Your boss called back, you heard him sigh and Argyle told him that he’d manage. 

“Five minutes!” Eddie said again, his voice sharper and louder than before and you were moving faster to the back door, bypassing the walk in altogether. 

“If they burn, that’s too much money to get thrown in the trash, Eddie,” Hopper complained. “That’s prime fuckin’ beef from the Sinclairs, Eddie and I don’t got time to get Lucas back out for another delivery— hey! Are you listen—”  

Eddie ushered you out of the fire exit, blue skies and too bright light making you squint, a rush of hot air that was heavier than the kitchen, muggy and smelling like cut grass and the smoke that came from the vent on the wall. The door snapped shut before Jim could finish talking. 

The silence was a warm thing, cloying like the summer afternoon, the edge of a heatwave, the steam from the kitchen that lingered in the small alleyway out back. You brought the heels of your palms to your eyes, pushing there meanly as you sniffed a little wetly and tried to stop your bottom lip from trembling. If you faced the crumbling wall, maybe you could pretend Eddie wasn’t there, watching you. 

“Hey, c’mon.”

You groaned. 

“C’mon,” Eddie coaxed again, his hand pulling at your wrist, urging you to stop hiding. “You gotta stop letting customers get you all upset like this. ‘Specially the ones that are utter assholes.”

“You heard her?” You asked weakly, embarrassment crawling up your neck. You knew he would’ve, shit, Wayne probably heard it all the way down the street. Of course Eddie heard it from the kitchen. “God, that’s so—” you let out a small groan of anger, a soft wail that was tinged with a little shame.

“No, no, stop that,” Eddie frowned as you buried your face in your hands once more. He got you by your shoulders, palms and fingers curling over the bone there, impossibly wide, engulfing. You turned soft for him, letting him manhandle you until you were facing him, brows crinkled, your cheeks warm. “She was a bitch. You’re okay, it’s alright.”

You sucked in another breath, one of those awful ones that hitched and made your throat close up a little. It was hard to look into Eddie’s eyes. They were big and warm and earnest, crazily so, the colour of burnt honey and he was painfully close. The alleyway pushed you both together, space limited between the walls, the empty pallets, the stacked up crates. 

“She was out of order, yeah?” Eddie continued softly, his thumb pushing softly into the meat of your shoulder, drawing circles through your uniform. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re all just human here, Chicago. It’s fine.”

You nodded, numb. Tears still stained your hot cheeks, salt gathering in the corners of your mouth and you felt embarrassed at the reaction, the white hot rush of anxiety that gripped the back of your neck as soon as someone raised their voice at you. You blinked again, feeling heavy, another fresh wave of tears making your vision turn into kaleidoscopes. You scrunched your face, annoyed with yourself, head tilting back to the strip of blue sky you could see between the buildings roofs. 

“God, I’m so fucking lame,” you groaned. “So stupid.”

You brought your chin back down to just catch the boy smiling, a dopey, soft thing that made you think he was gonna laugh at you. He did, but it wasn’t mean. In fact, Eddie’s laugh was a damn pretty thing. Scratchy and raspy and warm, enough to make you stop screwing your face up and blink at him. 

“You’re not lame,” he told you firmly. He dropped his hands from your shoulders now that you weren’t intent on hiding. You found you missed the weight of them on you, a grounding feeling that helped the tears subside. “Or stupid. Shit, kid, you gotta stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I’m always forgetting stuff though,” you argued. The sun was a blazing thing above you both, hot on your head, your shoulders, the back of your neck. Your uniform itched under the heat and you were backing away into the shadows along the line of the diner wall. Eddie followed, shoulder to shoulder as he leaned against the brick, lounging enough to bring him to the same height as you. “I’m messing up orders and I keep walking into the same stupid table - even though it’s always there! I got a bruise on my hip the size of a fucking peach,” you grumbled unhappily. 

Eddie snorted at hearing you swear, a cannonball of a word coming out of your sweet mouth, usually talking softly and shyly at him and customers. He knocked your shoulder with his and tutted. “You’re still new,” he shrugged when you scoffed. You’d been at the diner for almost two months. “Get out of here with that, you are. You’re in a new town and a new job. Give yourself a break.”

“I’m just— god.” You bit down on your bottom lip until it hurt. “I’m such a crybaby, I hate it. I must look like such a mess.” Your eyes felt sore, your cheeks puffy and warm, all too familiar and just as embarrassing as it was when you were ten, fifteen, twenty years old. 

Eddie just shrugged, shoving his hands in the pockets of his chef whites. He looked at your face, just for a second, before ducking his chin and studying the concrete below his feet. “Nah,” he said quietly, “you look pretty like always.”

It was quiet for a second or two, the surprise on your face morphing into a crooked smile, a quirk of one corner of your lips at the boy’s words. You sniffed and laughed a little watery, a shy sounding thing that made Eddie blink at you. “You’re being nice to me,” you told him.  

He grinned like he couldn’t help himself, a sharp, sudden thing that made his face look even prettier. Curls spilled from his poorly tied bun and his cheeks went rose coloured, more blush than flushed from the heat. He knitted his brows together in faux confusion, tried to act too cool, too blasé. “I am, aren’t I?” He huffed. “Weird.”

You shoved at him in jest, your hand on his shoulder and he barely even budged. But you felt a thrill in touching him, your hand just by the muscles in his arm, where you knew a tattoo lay, curling around a bicep that you couldn’t see under his uniform. It was easy to joke like this, to smile and wipe your eyes one last time when Eddie was playing nice. 

You felt like a teen with a crush, that lovesick, giddy type of softness settling in your chest and it purred when you looked at the boy. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen. But Eddie got prettier when he smiled at you and when he reached out to straighten the pen that was about to call out of your chest pocket, you were done. A goner. 

You wanted to ask if this made you friends. 

Instead, you swallowed your embarrassment and hoped you hadn’t been staring. “Thank you,” you murmured shyly. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Eddie pulled open the fire exit and waited for you to enter first, holding open the door as the noise of the diner flooded back out to you. Kids yelling, the grill popping, the coffee machine whirring. 

“Would you rather Jim gave you one of his famous three minute counselling sessions?” Eddie winced theatrically. “I haven’t had one myself, but rumour has it there’s a stress ball and some talk about toughening up and how the world just ain’t fair.”

You laughed, walking back into the kitchen with Eddie by your side. Your shoulder brushed against his arm and you shook your head, looking up at him with a heat in your cheeks you were sure he’d be able to notice. “No, m’glad it was you.”

You must’ve surprised the boy, because he blinked as he stopped at the grill. Argyle had flipped all the patties and left the spatula by the countertop but Eddie didn’t take his eyes off of you as he grasped it. You watched his brows lift a little, mouth parting before he closed it again and nodded, looking a little numb. 

And then: “cool. Yeah, no, good. Come get me next time too.”

[thebearme]

Any tf2 headcanons?

I was hoarding this ask for when I have alot of hcs but I now realize that that was an awful idea becuz now there too much going on in my brain. So I'll tell you the ones I can remember rn.

(btw this is gonna be a mess of silly and sad contention into a blender, so sorry for any whiplash)

Everyones business last name is TF2. It's canon, Ms Pauling said so.

Scout and Ms Pauling have one thing in common, they're simps for women out of their league and it's sad.

My current idea of the plot is that Ms Pauling is now the new administrator and the mercs are still working for her but now instead of a war they are now a Hire-A-Merc organization. Why, so they can pay the blood pact that the old administrator got them in from Abraham Lincoln.

The team is a merge for BLU and RED team members.

BLU: Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engineer | RED: Heavy, Demo, Spy, Sniper, Pyro

Engie has an gaming channel.

Engie is a little person. (you can't convince otherwise LOOK AT HIM)

Engie does his own surgery, not that he doesn't trust Medic. He just doesn't trust Medic. He has more trust that in his drunken state he could chop his arm off cleaner than Medic because of his god complex.

Engie says trans rights.

Engie has two moods: Wholesome bumpkin or manic "i am better than all of you".

Medic and Heavy are married. (but to be fair thats just canon)

Medic never had a medical license but he did go to school... for animal care.

Medic has a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree and lied ALOT to military when he got drafted to get out safely.

He got a nazi skeleton and dead parents out of that.

Medic burn his documents so now the only people that knows is the people he tells like Heavy.

Medic only have two reasons for being here- 1) to experiment on everyone. 2) Heavy

Medic eats like a cat eating a dragon fruit. And so does Archimedes.

Medic is the definition of "no rules no boundaries he doesn't flinch at torture and sells blood for money. He's your new best friend."

Medic is slowly going more insane with time and can't tell if it's because he sold his soul to the devil or because someone is secretly fucking with him. (it's Spy)

Heavy met Medic before joining the team.

Heavy has a cooking channel.

He's a masochist. (he has too if he's with Medic.)

Heavy will kill Soldier before he starts having kids with Zhanna. He's still not ok with him.

Heavy has lots of cute moles on him. (Medic makes sure to kiss each one and make sure they're not lethal.)

While Im at it Heavy family is cursed to fall in-love with insane men.

Pyro-vision is just Pyro going through a heat stroke.

Pyro is the leader of the hate spy club.

Pyro has kids that live in the ocean with his mermaid wife. Don't ask how, it's Pyro.

Engie and Scout are the only ones that understand what Pyro is saying completely.

Engie adopted Pyro unofficially but that's his son right there.

Soldier and Zhanna are gonna have twins.

Soldier and Demo had kiss once- with their socks on.

Medic did a blood test on Soldier and he actually is not 100% American, he doesn't know and everyone intends it to stay that way.

Soldier and Scout actually know each other from before getting hired by BLU. They were comrade in the 100,000 new men program in Vietnam.

After Scout left in general discharge from a land mine incident he thought that would be the laat time he sees him. He was wrong.

Don't worry they're chill, well as chill as man can be when their hand is somehow a magnet to your neck.

Sniper is a social smoker.

Sniper is like a lizard, he doesn't fuck with the cold.

Sniper is younger than Scout. He just spent too much time in the sun and now he looks like a divorce 40 y/o dad struggling with his mortgage. Or just a brown Adam Sandler.

Sniper got those old man bones AKA my bones. His knees be cracking down the hall.

Sniper hops round different peoples places for the holidays. He spent the most time at Engie's house with Pyro; he had spent a Christmas or two with Scout's family but a "certain someone" doesn't appreciate the bushman there and ruining his holiday with his family.

When Scout has to give directions or details of the area he just draws it. Because NO ONE understands this mans writing.

Scout's life mission is to be Gods greatest gift and not just for the women. Like the bible said "a hole is a hole"... or atleast thats what Scout remembers from church.

Scout while being illiterate CAN speak Spanish, Italian, Vietnamese and French. (but he doesn't remember where he learned french from tho.)

Scout is resistant to radiation at this point.

Before becoming a merc, Scout was working at a diner that fitted him quite well.

Waffle House at the graveyard shift.

Scout's fuckboy attitude comes from daddy issues while Spy slut attitude comes from mommy issues.

Spy came from a rich family until he ran away to help in the war effort and became a spy. He doesn't regret his decision nor miss his home but does wish he did a proper goodbye to his brother.

The reason Spy has teeth capsules in his mouth to begin with is because one time him and a his fellow spy were getting torture by the enemy by having their teeth removed. Now all his teeth are fake.

Speaking of teeth, Scout got his buck-teeth from Spy.

Spy HAS gotten lungs transplanted several times from Medic because this mf refuses to chill out and get help with his smoking problem.

Spy is gender fluid.

Spy is a furry.

Demo is going to kill him one day.

That day is when he finds his DA account.

[finniestoncrane]

Your One True Nemesis

Chapter 5: also on AO3 Masterlist Here Arkham!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 1.9k i've been saving this stupid pun for like 5 months so shut up about it and let me live ;-; 💚🔧 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: look i'm sorry i need to build up the lore and the relationship, you should have known there would have been SOMEWHERE that i had to put in shit about tools and i'm sorry about it

Your bed was comfortable, your room was warm, and the price for rent, having to spend every waking moment with Edward, was still surprisingly reasonable in your eyes. Although, not as perfect and wonderful as you imagined it might have been. A week ago, you would have willingly paid for this experience. Getting to work with the Riddler, Edward Nigma himself. Being around him, asking him questions, learning from him, having him take you under his wing, maybe developing a friendship or…

Whatever. It didn’t matter much now, because you realised that all wasn’t as rosy as thought. In the week since you moved in, you’d learned that Edward was indeed not lying when he had told you he was difficult to be around. You still hung on his every word, but unfortunately, most of his words were insults, condescending lectures, or various different ways of telling you to go away and leave him alone.

And where you thought you would be assisting with his amazing, at least in your eyes, inventions and projects and schemes, what it really amounted to was glorified maintenance work. And not maintenance of his machinery. You were in charge of maintaining Edward himself.

You cleaned, you cooked, and you managed his diary, paperwork, and orders. The things he couldn’t be bothered doing himself. That’s what it boiled down to. He tried to make it sound better than it was, that you were providing a service to him, allowing his brain to focus on the important things. But really, what it seemed Edward wanted, was a housewife without the emotion. An assistant, a cleaner, a personal chef. Someone to do the things he hated doing.

But you were learning a lot about him just for that alone. When you suggested that to him, however, he scoffed, putting down his tools and turning to face you to dish out your hourly insult.

“You’re entirely misguided if you even think you are capable of learning anything.”

“Mhm, yeah. I am though, so…”

You had resorted to being flippant in the face of his constant criticism, an easy task, since usually you were still deep down grateful that he was giving you the time of day.

“You’re only learning what I want you to learn. And you’ll only ever know what I want you to know.”

“Ok, well here’s a suggestion.”

He rolled his eyes and turned away from you, but you continued talking either way, knowing he would be listening.

“It might be worth you teaching me a little bit of something, anything, to be able to help a bit more. You know I’m capable of-”

“I don’t know that you’re capable of anything.”

“But you know everything about me… don’t you?”

“Yes, a small file to flick through I can assure you.”

“Either way! I think I can offer a bit more than just making your food like I’m a substitute mother.”

Facing away from you, Edward allowed himself a grimace at the notion, before he turned and pointed vaguely to the expansive and chaotic tool bench that sat against the wall on the other side of the work-space.

“Fine. You can pass me tools.”

“Oh… yep. I can… definitely do that.”

Rolling his eyes, he returned his attention to the machine he was fiddling with in his hands. You hovered awkwardly, palms beginnings to sweat as you waited for his first demands.

“I need the calipers.”

You mouthed a silent ‘fuck’ before turning to the bench and looking for what you could only hope was a caliper, or calipers, and your hopeful guessing was interrupted by Edward.

“While you’re there, get the panel hacksaw too.”

“Please!”

You tutted and sighed, running your fingers over the peg board of tools, gazing blankly at the ones that lay cluttered over the desk.

“I would like them now, if that’s not too much trouble.”

“Well, maybe if it wasn’t such a mess over here, I’d be able to find things easier!”

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts, so focused on picking the right two tools, that you hadn’t heard Edward stomp up behind you.

“Perhaps you are better suited to doing nothing. I expected you to irritate me, not to completely waste my time.”

He snatched up the tools from the desk, walking away from you with a disgruntled sigh. Embarrassed and deeply disheartened, you left the workshop, unsure if Edward had even noticed you were gone. You flopped down on your back onto the beaten up sofa, quickly flopping over and burying your head into the stale scented fabric and letting out a muffled scream. You were aware that this would be hard, but you hadn’t thought it would be this bad.

It would be ok though. You were prepared to work for this, so you would learn the tools. You’d study them. You’d know exactly what the fuck calipers were the next time he asked. So for the next few days, you dutifully cleaned up after him and provided him with sustenance, spending your time scouring the manuals scattered around the place and testing yourself online, your capacity for memorising useless pieces of trivia proving far more helpful in this scenario than you thought it might.

Edward slept, not for long enough, but for at least four or five hours a night between usually two and seven in the morning, occasionally sneaking in a nap in the afternoon. Knowing this, surprisingly adorable, schedule, you were able to get some alone time in the workshop, taking stock of the tools there. Your education culminating in a display of your knowledge. Reorganising and tidying the workshop while Edward slept, likely fitfully and in disgusting sheets before retiring to your own bed, dirty and exhausted.

Definitely still tired, having only been allowed a few hours of sleep, you were wakened by the sounds of Edward’s yelling echoing through your shared ‘home’. Dragging your aching body from your room to the workshop, unwashed, unfed, and still slightly unawake, you could make out his complaints the closer you got. Rounding the corner, coming into his view, you stopped in your tracks as he pointed his finger at you, scowling.

“You!”

“That would be me, yes.”

“You…”

He growled the word, dragging it out as he remained, unblinking, staring you down as though he were deciding when to pounce for the attack.

“What’s wrong?”

“You! You are what is wrong. You’ve touched everything, and you’ve hindered me yet again.”

“You just got up.”

“And I could already have achieved more than you will in your entire life had I been able to find everything.��

“Everything is in the same area as it was before.”

“But it’s in a different place, you fiend.”

“Well, what is it that you need?”

“I need my screwdriver.”

Smiling to yourself, the confidence visible on your face and grating Edward as he watched you, smug grin mirroring the one he often wore.

“You’ll have to be a bit more specific, Eddie. I mean, you have the Phillips and the torx, or the torque even. Flathead? Pozidriv? Hex? Square? Or perhaps you would rather the insulated ones if you’re working on something hazardous, which you always are.”

As you spoke, his face softened, mouth open slightly as he narrowed his eyes. Obviously impressed, but avoiding having to compliment your sudden gain of knowledge, he dismissed you with a grunt and headed back to the workbench to rifle through the drawers.

“Since you’re suddenly so smart, perhaps you might find it helpful to get the torque for me.”

Stepping beside him, you opened a drawer and handed him the torque screwdriver without breaking eye contact with him, offering him a genuine smile. Snatching it from you, he began to work on the machine he had been tinkering with for the past week.

Despite his refusal to speak to you for the first four hours of the day, short of him barking orders about what tool he needed, you had a sense that he was actually very pleased with you. Edward, who had let it slide that you had called him Eddie, surprisingly, was managing to work much faster. And you were learning so much from watching him, as you had hoped you would. Everything was coming together, at least sort of. Until you pre-emptively passed him a tool that you expected he needed.

“Oh… good girl. Can I get a wrench, too?”

“Th-th… thank you… I… the wrenches are… which one…”

You froze up completely, freaking out over how your body had physically responded to his compliment. That’s what it was. He had complimented you.

Good girl.

Shivering at the already embedded memory, you apologised.

“Sorry, Eddie- Edward! Mister… NIgma, sir. Wrench. Wrench.”

As you turned to look for one, you heard him snickering behind you.

“I won’t compliment you again. I can go back to the insults if it makes you react like that.”

You sighed, louder than you meant to. Eddie stood up, standing back and catching your eye, stretching his hand out to show you what he had been working on.

“Done. You can forget the wrench. I told you I didn’t need your help.”

Taking a long look at the large cube, you tried to pretend you knew what you were looking at, but instead opted for honesty.

“What is it?”

“It’s a trap.”

“A… trap… for who?”

“Who do you think?”

“Batman?”

“Of course. I intend to leave some clues around for him, perhaps some riddles. When he reaches his idiotic hand inside to get them, it’ll snap shut.”

You looked at the daunting and misshapen metal box, knowing that any reasonable person, let alone ‘the world’s greatest detective’ would surely avoid it.

“How do you know he’ll fall for that? Surely he’ll realise it’s a trap? Are you sure you can bait him so easily?”

You spoke out of genuine concern for him. Eddie was isolated, and you weren’t sure that he was completely in touch with the reality of what Batman was capable of, though you would never state that to him directly.

“Ah, sweet idiot. I am practiced at this, you’re forgetting. I’m somewhat of a master baiter.”

“Fuck, Eddie.”

Holding your hand over your mouth, feeling the sting of the tears as you stifled the explosive laughter, you could see Eddie’s cheeks reddening.

“Grow up and remove your mind from the gutter, you infantile, lowest common denominator, imbecile.”

He turned, stomping through to the living space, calling out for you. His aggravated growl echoing in through to you, loud enough over your giggling.

“When you are done being so easily amused, you should get on to making some lunch.”

Trudging behind him, you took a look back over the workshop, rushing to tidy away the small pieces left around before you headed back to your menial tasks, and no doubt a further insulting dress down from Eddie now that you’d put him in a mood.

For all that he was intelligent, he was still so socially awkward, often stumbling over himself in conversation. It was endearing, humbling him enough that you could see hope that you might break through to some slightly lower level than the façade of the Riddler.

[chvndlr]

task seventeen: spring forward

1. first things first: do you like spring?

Yeah, it's fine I guess. Not my favorite but I don't really have anything against it either.

2. what is your favorite thing about spring?

Look, my favorite season is winter. I like the cold. I like the snow. I like that nobody's trying to get me to hang out at the beach. But I gotta admit the sunshine and the warmer (but not hot) weather feel pretty good.

3. what is your least favorite thing about spring?

I'm gonna be real with you. I fucking hate summer. Spring means we're that much closer to it and that I have another, like, six months before it starts to cool down again.

4. do you have a vegetable / produce / fruit garden?

No. I've thought about starting one, it'd be way better for my cooking than being at the mercy of whatever's in stores. But it's a lot of work and I don't think I've ever kept a plant alive in my life.

5. how about flower beds, or things planted in the house?

My house gives off a certain vibe. That vibe says "I'm 22 and I've never lived anywhere but a college dorm" which, despite not being factually true, feels accurate. Learning how to not kill a houseplant would really go against that aesthetic.

6. regardless of what you do or do not plant, are you good at growing plants? have a green thumb?

I think I've done a very good job explaining I'm fucking terrible at growing shit.

7. what’s your favorite flower or plant?

They're all pretty much the same....(Don't tell Nari I said that)

8. what’s your favorite scent that you associate with spring?

Floral scents. But not like real flowers, like candles.

9. is there a sound that you associate with spring time?

I guess birds chirping? You don't hear them much all winter, cause most of them leave and come back, so when you start to hear them a lot it really feels like spring

10. do you prefer sunny mornings or rainy afternoons?

Rainy afternoons. I'm not usually up early enough in the mornings to be happy about the sunlight coming into my house.

11. favorite thing to do on a sunny, warm spring day?

Take Jenna on a walk

12. favorite thing to do on a rainy, chilly spring day?

Stay inside and invite a friend over to play video games all day

13. do you celebrate Easter? any traditions you follow for it?

Eh, not really. My family was never big into holidays, so they were never a big deal to me as an adult either. No traditions or anything. And it's not really a holiday people get together and party for like Halloween or St. Patrick's Day

14. regardless of if you do or don’t: favorite Easter candy?

Anything chocolate-peanut butter. So Reece's I guess?

15. what other springtime holidays do you observe?

Are there even other spring time holidays? Other than St. Patrick's Day, I mean. Like who the fuck is out here celebrating Memorial Day?

16. favorite place in Merrock to visit in the springtime?

I've been here a couple years but I don't know. Pine Grove Gardens make for good photos in the spring, so I guess we'll go with that.

17. the spring bugs are coming out: do you rescue them and let them out of the house, or grab the nearest shoe?

Shoe. I don't need them getting back in the house the way they came in and fucking up any fruit that's on the counter.

18. are you a big spring cleaner?

Yeah. I didn't come to Merrock with much stuff, so I don't have much to declutter yet. But I am big into making sure every room is deep cleaned at least twice a year - in the spring and in the fall.

19. do you switch over your wardrobe from cold weather to warm weather clothes?

I saw a meme about switching from your winter blacks to your summer blacks, which sums up how I feel. I mostly wear jeans and tshirts year round, so all I really do is put my thicker jackets away for a few months.

20. how about the house: does your decor change for the spring season? do you rearrange furniture?

Yeah, I tend to switch out my decor every few months so it doesn't feel boring. It's been awhile since I rearranged furniture though. I like where it's at now.

21. what color makes you think ’spring’?

Pastels, right? Isn't that the big thing every year? The easter bunny is usually made in pastels, I notice a lot more pastel clothing when I'm doing photoshoots too

22. describe your perfect spring outfit:

Same thing I wear every day. I don't really think about my clothes unless I need to dress up more. And even then, I just make sure I look nice enough without putting a whole lot of energy into it. most adorable looking baby animal that you ever did see?

23. what’s a drink that makes you think of spring?

Mint julep. Couldn't explain the connection to you, but I seem to have them more in the spring than any other time of year

24. how about a snack?

Easy, peeps.

[hermannco]

I loved the designs you did for cane and able in codotverse, reminds me of wendell and wild from the new stop motion movie!

what inspos went behind your designs if you are okay with telling

I've had those designs stashed for years

if anything Wendell and Wild GOT INSPIRED BY ME!!!! /j

Lmao thank you

I'm about to info dump and dont take anything I say as Canon, this is me hyperfxating and having LITERALLY too much information in my brain about to random ass motherfuckers.

Okay so, fun things. About Inspo.

ABOUT CAIN: Normal Cain. Soft, grandpa man.

2008 Cain. (From a HoM comic I am not too fond of except...)

Fucking sharp lunatic with his hair going EVERYWHERE. Constantly UNHINGED.

And so I decided to strike right on the middle bcs I always enjoyed the idea of this motherfucker flipping like a switch, also because he is an older brother, and he cleans the house and does the crops and tells stories and helps with the animals and maintains the house, and is fuzzy and very classic focused. But you know, he will also murder Abel in a split second and he gets a JOY doing it. Most of the time. But also enough to live with him normally and still have dinners and get mad when someone else hurts him.

His front hair flop also comes from the fact that he has to hide the "MARK OF CAIN" TM. The one that hits you 7 times worse if you hurt him. He has no control of what that shit does tho.

Also fun fact, the houses are located in Kentucky (Unless they are teleporting) and stuck in the 70s aesthetically LMAO.

So I sharpened the old man, still gave him kind eyes. I unbrokened his nose, because is impossible to break it without you dying, so this man is SURPRISINGLY DELICATE when it comes to fights.

A well groomed beard that can be easily messed up. And big CAINines.

The clothes are just classic Cain clothes but pushin a little bit more of the military ww1 aesthetic he is placed with.

The long and short, Grandpa please go to bed.

ABOUT ABEL:

Younger frisky freer brother.

A lot of Abel is based of Harveydont's Abel work. In all honestly we both worked on these bozos over the years.

Regardless here is the explanation for his look at least on my end.

He has always been a fancy little lad, a lot more pristine than his brother. A lot of the thought behind Abel is how he does a lot less of heavy work such as gardening or house renovating, but does things such as cooking and sweeping and organizing. Which is why he can always afford to be dressed to the nines.

Always seems to dress BETTER and be well more mannered. But while nicer he is also a trickster. So He can't be a circle.

Anyway, this picture also has done its millage.

This is the ORIGINAL sketch for Abel by Joe Orlando. I think my man nailed it first try. There has been A LOT of Cains over the years, but Abel always... ALWAYS relatively looks like this. And I have NO ROOM to complain.

As you can visibly see he hasn't changed much... I just put a knife to him and sharpened his features, as well give him bigger eyes than Cain bcs 1) makes him also look unhinged 2) Can also look more innocent.

Also his mutton chops are cleaner, in general his look is more put together and softer. He is supposed to be PRISTINE. The ring on his hand is because CANNONICALLY, Abel wears the gayest shit in the comics and I something he could fiddle with when nervous. (Mesh shirt while cooking, you know, gay club look just while cooking, iconic. Speak your truth, king.)

Also I made their skin darker bcs I am tan to darker color and I Was like, lol I can't be stopped now!

I hope this helps.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, this is the recent anon with the racist, sexist etc mom.

Tw emotional abuse, suicidal ideation

I need some tips: not only me but also my partner are living with my mom at the moment and my partner can bear my mom much worse than I do. He's always soo close to replying to her racism etc or, for example, we decide to cook something and she will be inspired to cook too (at the same time) and just take our pots with boiling water and put her stuff in etc. My partner is very sensitive with that because he loves cooking, his parents are cooks as a job. And while I have.... Repressed all emotions, when I am around her, and just leave the pots to her and cook a bit later, he always gets very angry (understandable but not helpful). We usually cook separately because my mom usually eats meat with meat and occasionally a bit rice at the side, and we are vegans.

And my moms racist talk.. That's harder for me to bear than the usual bs she talks, but he sometimes has to leave the room so he won't say anything. And I am very afraid this won't work out much longer.

And my mom seems to be pissed of him too. I mean, she's generally more pissed since her diagnosis etc understandable but tbh I can't feel any sympathy for her and can't bear her much. I have one of my recurring (and re-leaving so don't worry, I don't worry either) suicidal phases so yeah. Idk which breeded which but I try to be away from her as much as possible.

She's been more abusive again. It became less as I grew older (and knew and followed the rules) and when my partner moved it, it almost stopped (don't embarrass yourself in front of strangers, right?). But it started again. Don't need to get into details, it isn't as verbal as before but very passive aggressive. She's also very restless so she always finds a reason to be mad at me.

She always asks me stuff about my partner or tells me something I shall tell him. Like, last weekend he was cooking for us and she was behind him with her cooking stuff (ready to steal his pots) and he wanted to clean the hotplate but since she was behind him, he just brushed the dirt into his hand and threw it away. And on monday, my mom gave me her most aggressive cleanser since "we obviously never clean the plate properly. She saw, how my partner did it so now she's disgusted" (since she can't imagine, this was an hurry-exception). Which is so hurtful because I clean the kitchen daily to give her less reasons to yell but ok.

Like, this is a sidestory but she always thinks shitty of me. I remember one random day, I came home from school, walked the dog (as usually), came home again and short time later, she came home from work and immediately yelled at me because she was certain, that I didn't walk the dog that afternoon. She had no reasons, nothing was different, she was... sensing it? Idk she has such days on which she accuses me randomly and wrongly. And it shows me that overall, she believes I am a bad person, who wouldn't do anything good or properly, if I wasn't watched.

And her... arrogant behavior. "Yeah, you'll now clean the kitchen properly! I already put the cleaner-bottle on the hotplate." ohh, too gracious. Try not to overwork yourself. It's also never a question but a command.

I am getting a bit drawn away but I feel like I need this.

And after I cleaned she told me, how wrongly my partner "cleans" the kitchen but "Oh, I just wasn't in the mood to argue, so I just thought, I'll tell you and you can tell him".

This really reminds me of the time after my parents seperated. They didn't talk but still wanted to insult one another so I had to deliver the messages "Mom said, you should pay child support!" "Dad said you should get a fucking job" etc. And I hated it as a kid and refused at some point but... Me and my partner need this home atm. So I have to keep the peace. Which is hard work.

She is also always so... into things that aren't hers. My partner has skin issues and got a creme from his doctor recently to use after shower and he forgot it the first time. And my mom saw the still closed bottle and was like "Didn't he use the creme yesterday, after he showered? Oh he's so unreliable!!" or, he needed to talk to his doc so he wrote him an email but got a number wrong from his medical insurance id and the doc said, "sorry, there's something wrong and I can't help you until you give me the right number". And my mom somehow knew about the doc issue (it was a sole bureaucratic issue, no health thing, nothing urgent) and randomly one day said "what did the doc say?" and I didn't think quick enough so I made the mistake to be honest and said "He got a number mixed up and needed to write to the doc again". And my mom was sighing so loud, for like 5 minutes straight, how my partner can't do anything right. It's not your problem!! It's actually nobodies problem since it is no problem!!

So yeah, situation is... tense. And I fear it won't calm down easily. And.. it kinda is my job to hold the peace? Like, my partner doesn't has the capability and experience I have with my mom and I don't want him to have to do this. And my mom doesn't have the emotional maturity and self reflection. And me... atm has no energy and a deathwish so... Yeah.

No seriously, how can I calm everyone down? All those situations, those teensy things that destroy the peace, happen daily. There is no day without it. I tried to calm it down by doing everything perfectly and being there for my mom (also as a conversation partner) whenever she needed one. But.. omg I can't bear her existence at the moment so... I am so afraid it will explode. My partner just has to make one comment about her racist behavior or that she should stop stealing his pots and she would kick us out.

I really need tips to keep the peace until we find an appartment. And maybe tips to overcome myself and spent more time with her.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this. You don't deserve to put up with this.

It can be very difficult knowing how to handle being around an abusive person. Transparency and honest conversations would usually work, but these conversations typically go in one ear and out the other for abusers. But you may not exactly be able to simply ignore your abuser either, because they may demonize you for it and escalate things. Unfortunately there is no clear answer.

However, there is information about how to respond to things such as verbal abuse. Some of the main things are to maintain your boundaries such as how you are spoken to, remaining neutral in your tone and body language, walking away or leaving if needed, as well as looking into therapy, and maintaining contact with friends and family.

Ultimately please know that your mother's behavior is not your responsibility to quell. It's her own responsibility to behave herself and be mindful of how her behavior affects others, instead of putting the responsibility on you to tell her what's not okay.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[vizthedatum]

just another vent about my ex-spouse because I'm processing my triggers from Monday

So Monday was a very bad day for me, and I think I figured out why (IN ADDITION TO THE STUPID PMDD).

My landlord at my current place (literally the best apartment I've ever rented so far, and it's affordable) does annual pest maintenance. Like he hires an external company to come and check with us about any concerns we're having, and they do the necessary work.

I did deal with some mice earlier this year (I think I caught and killed them all, and the maintenance man helped me seal any points of entry with steel wool).

I do try to keep my current place clean - even if it gets cluttered and unvacuumed. (I am working on that clutter right now).

It is EXTREMELY better than how I was living with my ex-spouse.

--

The appointment with the pest maintenance person went so well! We didn't really see any major issues, I asked about how I've been growing my plants and if that could be introducing pests, and he laid out some preemptive traps.

I don't have pests or mice or anything.

My place is clean and not dirty.

--

I was triggered though. And I went into a spiral about how I was going to be alone, financially broke forever, etc. (I mean, these are still my fears...)

--

As I've mentioned earlier in the blog, my ex-spouse purposely kept me in a long-term living situation that had a severe mouse infestation (they were everywhere, and I was desperately cleaning all the time when I had the energy, and I was in complete and fucking dysregulation). AND I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KICKED THEM OUT, CALLED AN EXTERMINATOR LIKE I WANTED TO, AND DEALT WITH IT.

I am one of the more peaceful people with animals you may ever meet, but I WILL STILL FUCKING KILL WILD MICE IN MY HOME. Judge me all you want.

Asshole didn't even understand how much fucking health risk they were putting us in while talking about how covid was going to kill us (again, note: said asshole did not have any healthcare experience or know-how - nor did they really listen to me.).

--

We had hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of traps, did you know?

The ones that I got (that I had to get approved by them - to be safe and non-lethal... even though I ended up getting lethal ones later), I really did try to deploy them and use. We caught and released a few, but it was overall a worthless effort.

--

It's just all triggering to me, even though I'm so safe right now.

My apartment (even if it's messy right now) is SO MUCH CLEANER AND WELL-ORGANIZED than how I was living with them.

I am literally suffering from flares and fatigue right now, and I can still manage it all so much better. I am more functional than I was two years ago.

I remember one time, I went out TO FUCKING RECHARGE MY SPOONS BY HAVING NECESSARY SOCIAL INTERACTION (THAT I ALSO CLEARED WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY HAD SUCH BAD CONTROL ISSUES) BECAUSE THAT IS ESSENTIAL TO MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH, and I came back, and they were crying on top of a pile of cardboard boxes saying that I was just going out and not helping take care of the household.

HOW COULD I TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD WHEN YOU ANTAGONIZED EVERYTHING I DID ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

I BEGGED YOU AND SHOWED YOU THE THINGS I COULD NOT DO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT AFFECTED ME THAT I COULDN'T SAFELY COOK IN OUR OWN FUCKING KITCHEN?!

DID YOU LIKE SEEING ME IN PERPETUAL FUNCTIONAL FREEZE GETTING SICKER AND SICKER?

LOOK AT OLD PICTURES OF ME THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP AND KNOW THAT YOU DID THAT. YOU TOOK AWAY MY YOUTH, MY BEAUTY, MY HEALTH, AND MY SANITY.

YOU REDUCED ME TO FUCKING PROP WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS SILLY.

TELL EVERYONE I WAS A BAD PARTNER - TELL EVERYONE I WAS THE ABUSIVE AND UNHINGED ONE - IT'S EASY TO DO, ISN'T IT? It's sooooo easy to call me crazy, huh?

--

I'd rather be crazy and unhinged than ever be with someone remotely like you ever again. Because my level of "crazy and unhinged" is living a peaceful, pest-free life where I (and my friends and loved ones) can do something meaningful with our lives. I might be messy. I might have really bad executive functioning skills. I have legitimate life challenges. I might need help from my friends from time to time and be demanding in my relationships. I might be super verbose and dramatic/quirky/whatever... but I don't think I'm crazy.

[maureenrn]

You know moms have to make all of the holiday magic happen and it is so stressful and frustrating. Even if you are a fucking mom who is 200 miles away doing training for a new job, staying in a hotel lonely, you have to go online and order all the things for Easter Baskets and then describe how to put them together to your husband. Then you plan the meal and order all the ingredients. Then you make sure a house cleaner comes before the day and cleans the house. Then you work Saturday night from 7pm until 7:48 am on Easter morning in the ICU caring for sick patients. Then you drive home for 3 hours making it home at 11am and everyone in your house is crabby. The kitchen is a mess. The groceries aren’t put away. Your lovely husband didn’t hide the Easter baskets and told your youngest child that the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the tooth fairy aren’t real without preparing you. He is cooking but yelling at everyone about it. After about an hour you can’t stand it anymore so you go to bed and cry because you couldn’t make the magic happen and you are physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Two hours later they tell you dinner is ready so you move your lump of a body to spend time with the family you love and they haven’t cleaned off the table, your oldest is drunk, your middle child is eating in the living room, your youngest is crying trying to make herself a plate, and your husband is in the living room pouting. So you sit down in the living room and get yelled at for sitting in someone’s spot. You then get up and go back to bed. Holiday magic is not happening today. I have no more to give. Did I mention that the oldest then comes in and says stop pouting? I’m not pouting I’m exhausted and my body hurts. FML.

[wittywallflower]

helloo~ for the cafe ask game: honey! (i think i accidentally clicked the unfollow button while looking for the ask button lmao sorry abt that!)

honey: share a valuable life lesson that you’ve learned while growing up.

bestie and i call this one "lean into the lazy"

we all have tasks and chores and responsibilities we could be better at but we just aren't. its rarely actually laziness, more likely to be executive dysfunction, or the depression, or sensory issues with the particular task. what we do is give ourselves permission to 'suck' at whatever it is, and just accommodate it where we can.

are you going to not-clean the air fryer basket until it grosses you out to use? just line the fucking thing with tin foil. as long as your food is getting sufficiently cooked, fuck it. do you constantly forget to bring certain things to certain places? fuck it, have two+ of that thing, one in each place (I have so many raincoats you wouldn't believe, and my car is swimming in reusable shopping bags... until it isn't because I've used them all and forgot to put any back in my car. I will simply not remember to grab them on my way out the door. I wont. Even when they are RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR. I am simply incapable of remembering to grab the god damn shopping bags). do your veggies go bad before you summon the wherewithal to chop and cook them? Buy the pre-chopped stuff. (there's a lot of overlap between this concept and the "pay the adhd tax up front" idea, admittedly...) Does cleaning the toilet make you want to curl up and die? they have various products you can just throw in the tank or clip into the bowl (yes i can hear the handy ma'am tiktok ladies tutting about this). Does your coffee table get so cluttered with drinks and dishes and anything else that you had in your hand that you wanted to not be in your hand anymore? just fyi you are not required to have a coffee table... trust me your living room will be sooooo much cleaner without one, its awesome. Buy a nice spill-proof container for your beverages and you can just set it on the floor (or, if you are like me, toss it on the couch cushion next to you so you don't have to reach as far) (i recommend the Contigo West Loop for this btw. I own like 4 and they are ideal for both hot and cold bevs) Hate bending down to tie your shoes, so you constantly mangle the heels by putting them on and taking them off without touching the laces? start wearing styles that are easily slipped on. they even have step-into styles these days that don't require hands at all. Do you procrastinate doing the dishes until there's not a clean fork left in the house? You can stock your utensil drawer with as many forks as you want. You aren't even limited to one drawer. you will have to wash those forks eventually, but that's still like a dozen more meals and snacks that wont start on a negative note because you were reminded that you 'suck' at getting your dishes cleaned in a timely manner.

is it ever the 'best' option? the cheapest or the most green or the most mature-functioning-adult option? no. but clearly we are not going to do the cheapest or smartest or most normal option, we've tried and tried and it never became a habit, and after years of making ourselves feel bad about it we said "fuck it" and started leaning into the lazy

accommodate the things you know you are going to struggle with. even the little things.

[thebrokengoldengirl]

I am......

I am tired….

I am broken….

I am learning to live, and learning to heal

I am tired of being tired

I am tired of fighting with my mind, body and heart.

You are sensitive babes…. You feel your feelings… Love that for you,

I am tired of being mad that I never date, or date who I want, and what I need… I am tired of being made to feel bad about being single.

I am single, and I love the way I dance, my love for singing…. How I dress, how I speak and how I connect. I am feeding me and my friends, I don’t need anyone else.

I am tired of feeling unlovable, thats why loving me has helped feel less unlovable.

I am tired of being everything for everyone

Animals I love you too… No I cannot pet you all the time, no I cannot be the sole one feeding you, taking you out. I AM EXHAUSTED

I am tired of being the cleanser, the cleaner, the cinderella.

I am not good at cleaning naturally, I am good at cleaning because I felt as if I would go crazy if I didnt clean.

I dont enjoy taking care of the dogs, but I knew if I didn’t I would feel highly depressed.

I don’t just hate you… I now see you as a mirror of someone who has hurt me…. I am sorry, I do not know how to be different.

I am broken… Because you left me in a state of anxiety, isolation and stress… My body was stressed, I was dying why weren’t you there? 

I am stressed, everyone is running around…. Why weren’t you there?

I don’t like my body…. Its because you don’t like your body….. I want to hide…. Its because the world scared me, you made me feel as though the world was scary…..

I am broken because I had a hole in my heart that is mended with stitches, I am someone with PTSD, CPTSD. 

My broken is not what you think it is….

My broken was my rage coming out of me FINALLY!!! She was never angry, now she is welcome…..

My broken was my words being strong, and beautiful and protecting myself.

My broken was your opinion on me being broken, because my fixed would be your little servant, 

yes mommy, ill cook for you, yes mommy I will get you water, yes I will clean, yes I will care for the dogs.

NOOOOOOOO I AM FUCKING TIRED

Babes I was not broken, I was tired

People want so much from me… I am tired…

Don’t hand me your trauma I am tired….

Don’t think we are besties cause you want to be besties I am tired….

Don’t projection how you feel about yourself on to me I am tired….

Don’t look at me like that, what does that mean? I am tired

Can we stop being tired?

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Three. Part 2

Tianna and her thoughts, I really could have just stayed in the UK but here I am in New York and decided to catch up with a few people while I was here, I might as well make the most of it but it’s funny how my parents are there now I am here, when I go back they will be gone so we will miss each other, that is so annoying to me. I needed to be in the UK with the whole drama thing, what can I do really “look Lillian, I had to come to New York because my sister asked me to be, she needed me, and I came. But I will be back, I know how sensitive Halle is but I am not going to deal with her blaming Oakley, that has to stop because it isn’t his fault” I pointed out, I am not having that shit because he did nothing wrong “I know I mentioned it, I said that he didn’t do anything wrong. What if he used your home as a fuck pad with another girl, are you not going to tell Rylee. She went quiet, I think she is just upset Rylee, I don’t think she meant any of it. I just want her to gather herself but guess what” rolling my eyes, Lillian and I are on facetime currently. She is keeping me updated with this Halle business “Wyge has been there for her, like a bad smell. They are in a hotel currently, I said look you need to tell Colin. I feel so awkward because Colin came over to see Diji and I am just staring at him like what the fuck, she has to tell him. And I goes look the baby thing, keep it. If you both want each other that much then what the fuck, why are you both acting like this is a dirty secret, it’s love? I am so confused; I feel bad for Colin too. She is ok though but dumb” I sighed out “I will be back soon, I will see her, but she needs to take blame, and I won’t have this ruining things really for me and Oakley. We are just getting along but I feel this thing has made him a little quiet. But maybe he is busy, just keep me updated Lillian, I will be back, and we can then like meet up with Halle, actually. I am leaving tomorrow so I will see you then. I have so much shit going on, I have this stupid meeting thing, with Fenty may I add” Lillian gasped “you didn’t want to be with Fenty” I waved her off “long story, I will update you when I am back” I laughed.

I thought I would see Ti before I go, the door opened slowly “oh welcome” Taylan said “hey” I smiled “I bought champagne not for me but because you both cooked for me” he let out an oh “I don’t drink anymore so yeah, enjoy” passing him the bottle “aww thank you, it’s all for Ti I guess, I don’t drink either” walking into his apartment “much cleaner then last time, scattered with grown men” he chuckled “one in particular can’t stop talking about you” I cringed “Ti” I smiled at her “she actually came, you know how my sister be like. She says she will and then she doesn’t” we hugged each other “I wasn’t going to not come” she thought I wouldn’t come, of course I would “I am glad to see you smiling” I said in her ear “I know, it’s a relief” she said back, moving back from the hug “you ladies sit, I got this” walking off to the living room “I just seen mom and dad on Instagram with Aziel, they are in Scotland on this train” I giggled “I know right, they said we are spending time with him but it’s cute. I love those pictures, like it seems he is happy with them both. They like telling me I am keeping him away, they see him. Just they don’t spend time with him but how happy is my baby, I love that picture of mom and him, I feel there isn’t many pictures of them together unlike dad, he has every post” sitting down “I was thinking now, he is going to start school Rylee, what you going to do? You have a few months left and in September he starts” I cringed “I feel a little sick, I mean my child in school. To say that alone makes me sick, he is going to grow up so quick now. I feel I will be having to only go to places on school holidays only now, and it’s a shame. Oakley is so strict on me, he said I am not having no home school shit, you know if I take him out. So we agreed that someone will remain in London if we do so yeah, we are working on logistics” shaking my head.

I cooed out “this is a mocktail” Taylan said “for me? You can make that, let me find out you got bar staff here, that is amazing” he did that “thank you, I used to work in a bar too. Anything else?” he asked “no, thank you though” he walked off “that is so sweet, you training him?” Ti laughed out “kind of, when I see him. I think he missed me that is why. He has been so loving towards me and he has been clingy a little. I admitted that I assumed he was cheating, and he said he don’t have time for that, with his team going towards winning, you know the Superbowl thing, he said I ain’t got time. I don’t care for other, when have I seen him out. He is wary with going out with the team after the drinking thing so yeah, my bad” she laughed “but you both good?” she nodded her head “I am happy, he is happy so what more do I need and want but I just think we need to make time, equally. He said about moving back and I said not right now, I feel that distance is working but I was being stupid, and he agreed. I think he felt power with me, and I was like no, so I am glad I moved out. He has calmed down, the thing is. Taylan is good but he has an issue with losing his temper now and then, and I said to him you can’t do that. Look Taylan is a handsome man, so cheating would be easy for him, but I believe he isn’t, I really don’t” nodding my head “he does have a temper, I have seen a change in him, meaning he doesn’t say things like he used. I mean we haven’t sat together yet” I laughed “oh he has time” Ti cringed “well I think he is calmer though, there was a time I wouldn’t stand him, I couldn’t come here openly. So I can put my hands up and say he has changed, for the good and for you” I pointed.

I am impressed by the cooking “so this was just purely you?” I asked “yes me, see I get bored and if you see the books. They are cooking books, I am learning. When I am at home I get bored, but I am not bored enough to go out with the boys, so I have learnt to bake and cook and stuff” that is cute “look at you, house husband. You going to turn house husband once you win the Superbowl” he is laughing “maybe, possibly. But like it’s a skill I needed to learn, so why not now. And I have been getting compliments, Ti is proud. She can’t cook” I shook my head “I couldn’t either, it was Oakley at the time that knew how to cook but it’s because of Debbie, why would we need to cook but I can now. One day I will invite you both” smiling at Ti “her one day means never” she knows me well “I mean, I said one day” I shrugged “you made the impression on Jaire you know; he can’t stop thinking about you” I pulled a face “stop it, I only smiled at him, and he couldn’t stop talking” that is so weird “I mean ask Tianna, he was like oh your sister. I can make her head turn, she is single. Ti goes you don’t know my sister; she is a hard girl, and you will have to be on your knees. He said I will, have you seen the ass on her, and Ti got mad, and then he apologised and then Ti said don’t bother, leave her alone. Then I said don’t, but he thinks he has a chance. I rate him for trying” I am stumped “I never gave him anything, he isn’t ugly. He is good looking but no, I mean why” I shrugged “so you still have your eyes set on Oakley?” Taylan asked “erm, we are you know, just talking and things” I shrugged “so yeah” nodding my head slowly “honestly, I have done too much for him to not want me so would I entertain another when I am trying to gain him back, no. If he openly said no to me then maybe but, he brings me the peace I need. And I am scared of other men” I admitted “sorry” he apologised “no like us men, like what happened. I get it” Taylan said “yeah so like if he said no, then I would be like maybe but that would be because he is friends with you so it would be on your head but men, they scare me in a way. I feel that fear because intentions are never to make me happy as a person, it’s always wow, you have big ass, like he did. I just want a guy to not look through me and I get that with Oakley, but I did a lot to him” now I feel sad “sorry, I didn’t mean to make this sad. Sorry” I waved him off smiling “it’s ok, you have changed a lot. The cocky guy I first met, to now and I admit that, and you did that for Tianna” Ti is smiling so hard right now “I had a chip on my shoulder, but like I saw Ti and I always liked her. I was just dumb” least he is admitting it.

Taylan took the plates with him “don’t be sad” Ti said “oh I am not sad, I am just you know” I shrugged “he has been so quiet and I don’t know if it’s because mom may have scared him but I don’t know, I think it’s a thing with us where we are in between on a road to I don’t know but like we had sex and now it’s dead, so yeah” I laughed “he does that a lot doesn’t he, he used to do that before and I told you to not give in with sex. Look Rylee, I think maybe you need to both lay it on with what you want and if it is that then go to couples therapy or just talk about what happened, I think it needs to be aired because he has to feel a type of way seeing you. Can he even trust you? Like we need to be realistic here, he saw you have sex with another man. I mean clearly you both can have sex, it happened but it’s just not normal to not speak on it. What was he like, I mean I don’t want to know details but like I mean to have sex, what happened? Who led who?” she asked “erm, we was on the bus and like we been sexting a little and stuff, when we got to the room. He laid it on me and then he stopped, like randomly and he just said I missed you but then I felt like he paused midway and like he remembered some shit so I continued it. But then at the hotel, we did it he” I paused “we had sex but he enjoyed more when I faced away from him, but then on the bus we did it facing each other” Ti cringed “maybe there is an issue there, with you. I mean like he saw you have sex with another” I swallowed hard “he also put his hand over my mouth when I said his name” Taylan came back “I hope you like this pie, I am sorry it’s shit” I laughed “oh no, don’t be. It looks fine” bless him “Taylan, can I ask. Hypothetically speaking, if you saw a video of me doing something with another man but I said your name during that process, it was filmed. How would that make you feel?” she asked him “I would hate you for it, but then for you to say my name with another man. That would throw me off too, but my hate would be there, why? Who you fucking” she laughed “my fingers, now go” I don’t know what to do “I don’t think he hates you but the essence of what happened is there, be careful” nodding my head.

My sister wants me to stay over here, I don’t know why but she feels I am too sad to go alone but I don’t want to stay here. But to see Taylan so different, he is so calm about things, I love to see it for them. They are in the kitchen cleaning, so I am facetiming Diji “sister, I am playing Fifa. What the hell?” he said, “paused my game too, what the hell you calling me?” he is shocked “I need a advice, from a man that is from around the same ends, be truthful with me too. You know everything that has happened right?” I asked “oh with you and old boy, yeah, yeah. What happened sister, speak to brother” he makes me laugh “where is Lillian?” he kisses his teeth “she is fuck knows, I think she said about fucking. Being with Halle, but yeah somewhere” he laughed “where you at? Come over” shaking my head “in New York but erm, you know every detail and you my friend. I just want to know what to do. With him seeing that video, and everything I done, like would you forgive. If that was Lillian, would you?” he stared at me, then sighed out “man, it’s hard you know. I think homeboy is stuck in a way, like on the road guys be clowning can’t lie. Ear on the ground they saying he is a clown for everything to happen to him, to let it happen to him too. I think from what I know of him, he doesn’t care about it but to see that, that would fuck me up. I rather not see it, like I love Lillian but to have that notion of another man being with her, on top of her” he cringed, I closed my eyes “we had sex though, but he was for it then he backed away, then I pushed it. But the second time he faced me away, not thinking anything of it. Now he won’t message me, it’s gone dead like he does” Diji looked at me in sadness “his mind sister, it’s probably a mess. To you it’s like it’s fine but he is probably feeling a lot, give it time” I want this to work so bad “I don’t know what to do” I said to myself “time is a great healer” Diji said “why would I have sex with him” I said to myself “I don’t think you should feel negative about it, he probably felt a type of way in the moment” maybe I am doing too, my head is a mess.

I think Robyn and I have caused a lot of drama in Scotland by just walking around, we are trying to be normal people with Aziel and just have fun with him, he really enjoyed the train ride here, I think it must have been his first time, then he fell asleep. Now he’s excited about deep sea world “who would have thought this would turn into a babysitting trip” Robyn is so rude “how rude” I said to her “I’m joking, I adore him. Maybe we should have bought Emi?” She suggested a little too late “it’s like they both could grow up together, but we have kind of let them grow up apart” she has a point “but all Aziel does is slap her” Robyn scoffed “he’s so naughty towards her” walking to the entrance “and who do we have here?” The guy asked “papa” Aziel ran to me “hey, tell him your name” I said, the guy looked a little shocked “tell him your name” now Aziel wants to be shy “Aziel” he said in a whisper “what a beautiful name, shall we take a picture of you before you enter your journey” walking over to the green screen “come” I said to him standing next to Robyn “I would say grandparents but you both look so fantastic” I laughed out “thank you bro” Robyn and I held Aziel hand “one, two, three. Smile” he took the picture “can you make sure you post that up once they get there, don’t want fans picking it up” our bodyguard said to him “of course, enjoy” Aziel ran off ahead “fishy!” The kid runs off too quickly “we should have bought Emi you know” come to think of it, we are dumb because they could have hung out together, I think we just left so abruptly too and left it to Amerie. I am sure Emi will forgive us; she has dumb parents.

“Wow” Aziel said seeing the sharks go by “this shit makes me feel weird, like what if that motherfucker just breaks the glass and comes at us?” Robyn shushed me “stop swearing, there is kids around” she got a point “big papa, look” he pointed “I know right, and it will eat you” I tickled him “stop” he giggled “you want to move on?” I asked, but he is just busy staring at the shark “I am going to leave you here so he can eat you” I walked off “he won’t care, look at him stood there without a care” walking over to Robyn smirking “I can’t believe we offered to keep him overnight” I gasped “don’t be doing my guy like that, not like we always have him. That is what I am saying, I rather have had them in America but it’s hard. We don’t see him in months sometimes” turning around and at the same time Aziel is looking and he laughed looking away “cheeky, checking to see we are here still” he is something else “I really don’t like him being around with the grown boys, this is why I agreed. The boys don’t know how to take care of him, he is mimicking them too. With that lollipop stick, he pretending to smoke, it’s just not good but we can’t say anything about the parenting can we” shaking my head “he will be starting school, so he won’t be in that environment, Oakley is too free with him. I have said it to him one time” I get Robyn concern “just not good, they are being boys but he is a child. The music too, but I will stay out of it Chris” Robyn said but I don’t think this is the last of it with her, she always got more to say.

[princesstillyenna]

kreidbanejad + 8, 10, and 23 for the ship asks?

I wrote this and tumblr deleted it because tumblr hates me. SO I shall rewrite it, and hope I am consistent... Also when I shared this my intent was for people to suggest GC couples, but uh KRIEDBANAJAD I CANNOT RESIST THEM <3

8 - What do the like best about their partner? IRL, what Mika likes best about Chris is how Chris always hypes him up, ok... like Mika zibanejad has the biggest case of imposter syndrome anyone has ever seen, he has SUCH low self esteem and he constantly thinks he shouldnt be a pro hockey player, let alone playing on the top line in an incredible NHL franchise, and Chris constantly likes to point out how WRONG HE IS and also get him out of his own head. This is Mika's favourite thing about Chris, and I probably wouldn't disagree with that for my headcannons. What Chris likes best about Mika? That gorgeous ass?? Nah, although he'd probably say that as a kneejerk response. He loves how Mika balances him out, emotionally Mika is a lot more stable (if self deprecating all the time) whereas chris is a bit more of a rollercoaster guy, and Mika always seems to know the right time to either ride the rollercoaster with him, or to stabilise him. Chris also finds it SUPER HOT how intelligent Mika is. Despite being a college grad who speaks another language, Chris describes himself as "Big jet, no pilot" and thinks of himself as very dumb, he sees genuine polyglot Mika as the most intelligent guy ever and that is very sexy to him. 10 - Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public? Because they are hockey players, have an obligatory superstition quote here:

“I’m familiar with the term,” Luc interrupts, “there just isn’t any. Jacks and I are bros, not some weird 50’s couple named Hank and Barb.”

“Okay,” Greg says calmly, “so who remembers to pay the power bill every month?”

“Megan,” Luc says flatly.  “Our accountant.”

“And who takes out the trash?”

“Annette- From City Best Housekeeping Service. Or her brother-in-law, Marc.”

“And who takes the cars to have the oil changed?”

Luc sighs. “Everyone in the house, except for me, owns the sort of car that the dealership comes and gets. They all have spaceship commuters that send some fucking bat-signal to the dealership when it’s close to needing an oil change and some asshole in a suit just shows up with a loner whip and a bottle of champagne. Seriously, bro, it’s just not like that, okay. We’re bros.”

But to actually answer the question: Chris always drives. Neither of them cook, they live in NY, and have a meal service. They are both TERRIBLE at DIY. They have a cleaner. Mika pays the bills and is generally more organized than Chris, but it's a close call because they're both pretty disorganized. Media/Public, always Chris. Because he knows however much he hates it, Mika hates it more.

23 - How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort? They flirt almost silently these days... a quick glance across a locker room, the 'I know what you're thinking as I take off my shirt' look. A subtle wink, or the raise of an eyebrow. Same for teasing, Mika will frequently just raise the hem of his underarmour shirt to give Chris a flash of his abs, or tip his head back as he's upending a water bottle over himself, shaking his hair out, because he knows it drives Chris wild. Chris will flirt/tease by crushing Mika into the boards AFFECTIONATELY during practice. Mika loves it. We know how they hug. THERE IS SO MUCH EVIDENCE OF HOW THEY HUG. The most kriedbanajady their hugs feel is when Mika will tuck his face into Chris' neck. That's elite as far as I'm concerned. They don't hug at the rink after losses, they do hug when they get home after losses. Chris will close the door behind them and then tug Mika into his arms and they stand there, just inside the door for a few minutes and just holding each other. Sometimes, after a loss, or after a win, as they're walking down the corridor to the locker room, always after the other boys, one of them will let the back of their hand brush against the others. It means two different things. After a loss it means "I love you, you're awesome, we're awesome together, I've got you." after a win it means, "That was so hot, can't wait to get you home and get you naked." Regarding kisses? Chris loves kissing Mika, loves kissing any inch of skin he can get his mouth on, especially when it makes Mika squirm (because Mika does not believe himself worth these kisses most of the time). Chris likes to stare at him and ask dumb questions like "Do you think I've ever kissed your eyelid?" and if Mika says no, he says "I'll fix that" and does it, or if it's a yes, he says "Best do it again". His favourite place to kiss is the very corner of Mika's mouth and the very corner of his eyes where they crinkle when he grins.

[milkweedman]

Worst thing abt cleaning is that rubber gloves and wrist/hand braces really do not mix. Meaning that unless i'm basically just picking stuff up and moving it, either my braces get disgusting/covered in bleach/soap/whatever, or else i wear gloves and no braces, so my wrists and hands hurt really badly the whole time. Literally no way to win

[alstroemeriadissonance]

NXX goes to hell, literally: Day 0 - Prologue

Rosa kicks the NXX boys out of Headquarters after finally having had enough of their infighting and forces them to go into a "team building" activity to get their shit together.

They think they only need to withstand each other's presences for one night.

They're wrong. Horribly wrong

NXX sausage party hijinks

"Oh."

All four watched in numb resignation when they watched the last egg yolks--their last halfway decent meal--slide off the bread slices, and through the makeshift grill, into the fire.

The sun was about to set; the cold intensified and signaled that it was, once again, time to decide who would cuddle with who and who will be the water cuddler for the night.

But before that, the four men needed to mourn the loss of their meal.

Marius sniffed, his nose still not cleared of snot despite the several layers protecting the lower  half of his face from the absolute cold. "That was our last protein."

Vyn remained quiet, his gold eyes having lost their usual luster of life once upon a time ago. They would probably hear him cry into his dictaphone again later at night.

Artem inwardly seethed. It could have been his job. It could have been his job to cook but no, someone had to show off their "hack".

And Luke finally broke down and let out a howl of frustration so loud that it echoed off the desolate cliffs, prompting a wolf howling back at them.

"FUCK YOU," Luke pointed his trembling finger at Marius. "FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY," this time the finger at Artem. "AND FUCK YOU TOO JUST SO EVERYONE GETS THEIR SHARE", at Vyn.

"I'm too tired to even argue," Artem mumbled at Luke. "Just don't forget that if you only let me cook we would have had something that isn't frozen bread. Now all we have is frozen bread and even then it's not going to last us until tomorrow."

Vyn and Marius shuffled back into their tent, the cold wind starting to pick up.

"Hey, Vyn?" Marius said as he hunched into his usual corner inside the tent.

"Yes." The doctor curled up once again into a ball in his own corner.

"In case we die out here, I just want to apologize for being an utter brat."

"We will live," Vyn muttered. "It is just a matter of whether or not we retain our threads of sanity once we are done with this shitty ordeal."

Marius and Vyn then listened to Luke and Artem fighting with each other outside the tent. Judging from the occasional clanging sound the fight has escalated enough that the lawyer and the detective have started wielding the cooking implements as melee weapons.

"They'll be okay...right?" mumbled Marius as he surreptitiously sidled up to his tutor. It was too cold. Marius needed warmth even if it means he'll sleep beside Vyn who presented a forty percent chance of maiming him if he so much as moved the wrong way and disturbed the doctor's sleep.

===

Four days ago.

"Seriously? Guys? SERIOUSLY?"

Rosa gestured towards the shattered glass that was once their conference table.

A swivel chair had been thrown right smack in the middle of it.

Luke, Marius, Vyn, and Artem all sat in front of her quietly, like puppies hit with a rolled up newspaper after accidentally setting a house on fire.

"I am seriously, seriously sick and tired of having to clean up after your collective shit!" Rosa cried out, almost tearing out her hair in frustration only to instead run her fingers through her hair. "No, Dr, Richter, even if you say this is YOUR place and that you call in the cleaners, I still am the one making arrangements for the logistics of things!"

Vyn found himself being shut up even before he made any attempt to put a word in edgewise. He put down his hand and placed it once again on his knee.

Rosa stood in front of them, her face buried in her hands, mustering all that she could to stop herself from just rolling up a newspaper and hitting their heads with it.

"You know what, guys?" she said as she put down her hands. "It's time for a team building!"

Vyn's brows furrowed. "Team building? Rosa," he began. "There's going to be a blizza--"

"SHUT UP!"

Vyn sighed and promptly shut up as directed.

"Now, I want you all out of here, and no, you are not allowed back in here until you camp out somewhere tonight, and you clear your heads, okay?" Rosa hissed. "And absolutely no cheating with any of you just going home to your respective places. I will demand proof. Absolute proof."

Rosa threw Marius an unsolicited murderous gaze. "You, don't even think about having PAX staff to accompany you and do your chores, you hear?"

"Missy, I--I wasn't saying any--"

"SHUT UP!"

Marius whimpered.

Artem cleared his throat. "Well, I will accompany them--"

"OF COURSE YOU WILL!" Rosa hissed. "Just because you're my boss does not mean I'm going to let the fact slide that YOU STARTED THIS MESS!"

Artem merely looked at her in shock.

"...are you going to yell at me too, Watson?" Luke asked, morose. "I was just sitting around when they were going at it..."

"I won't. But I wish you stopped this mess from escalating," Rosa muttered quietly.

The other three glared at Luke with pure murder in their eyes.

===

After a few hours of haphazard preparation all four hopped into Vyn's car with a destination set to nowhere.

"Rosa just said one night, yeah?" Luke muttered as he fiddled with his phone.

"She did not, in fact, specify a time window," Vyn said as he negotiated a sharp turn, then hit the accelerator as they finally pulled into the highway. "Only mentioned tonight."

"Missy is a formidable foe," Marius said as he raised his phone, currently set to video mode. He pressed on the Record button. He cleared his throat. "So um...it's 11 PM sorta. Vyn is driving," Marius narrated for the video log. "Luke is playing his crappy non-PAX mobile game again and Artem is still stewing because you Missy tore him out a new one."

"Shut up, Marius," Artem mumbled, his arms crossed as he stared out the window.

"Can't," Marius said. "Missy said to give proof right? So I'm recording this vlog for proof.

"Errr...Vyn, where are we going again?" Marius asked for the video capture.

"I honestly do not know and frankly nor do I care where we end up," Vyn muttered. "I have experience with camping but I have had no reason to camp after I moved here. I am waiting for you clowns to suggest a destination."

"Don't start, Vyn," Luke muttered, his eyes not leaving the screen of his smartphone.

"Now, now let's play nice mmkay? Or Missy Lawyer will er burn our servers. Guys, please save our servers."

Marius then trained the video capture to Artem, who was still quietly seething in his side of the car's backseat. "Er, Artem, any word for Missy?"

Artem let out a ragged sigh. "I don't know, honestly. Marius, can you please turn it off? It really grates on my nerves."

"I ca--"

"Turn it off Marius," Vyn muttered, his eyes never leaving the road.

His student let out a chuckle. "Wow, this is probably a historic moment when both Artem and Vyn banded together to fight a common enemy, Miss--HEY!"

A canister of car freshener knocked Marius's phone out of his hands. "Vyn! Stop throwing crap at me!"

"Wow, an overhead toss to your back and you still never miss," Luke said in approval. "How'd you manage that?"

"Practice," Vyn said as he shifted gears. "It only takes practice."

===

"Is it wise to set up camp here?" Artem asked as he looked around after stepping out of Vyn's car. He rubbed his gloved hands together, then forming his palms into a cup over his mouth, blowing hot breath into his hands.

It was immensely cold.

After getting tired of driving aimlessly for what seemed like hours, and having felt the first stirrings of sleepiness Vyn decided to pull over in the next cul-de-sac that they could find, lest he go into a narcoleptic-like episode and send them careening into their deaths.

It was a desolate place: the highway dead-end was sandwiched between a cliff and what seemed to be a dense forest, only that the trees are rotted and dead. Being a cul-de-sac the only path that led into and out of this spot was the small road that branched off the highway.

"I think this served as an outpost once," Luke muttered as he spied a remains of a small outhouse by the dead forest. "The forest probably got poisoned. Or something."

"As much as I am interested to hear about the history of this place, can we proceed with setting up camp?" Vyn felt increasingly irritated as he pulled out the supplies from the trunk of his car; it was three o'clock in the morning and it was cold. There was nowhere to sleep.

And there was much to set up.

"Let me take over," Luke said as he nudged Vyn aside and grabbed the bag containing the tent. "Hey Marius, you know how to set this up right?"

Marius was doing small hops on his feet, struggling to keep himself warm in the negative 10 degree cold. "Eh? Yeah, yeah," he mumbled. "Shit it's fucking cold, let's set it up now."

Between Luke and Marius it only takes them 15 minutes to set the tent.

"I think Vyn is sleeping in the car already," Artem muttered as he hammered one of the tent's stakes with a rock, to make sure that their shelter will not be blown away by moderate winds. "He's going to waste fuel that way. I don't remember passing any gas stations on our way here so we need him to sleep in the tent to make sure we have fuel enough for our way back."

"I'll go get him," Marius said.

"Oi Vyn, wake up, wake up," Marius shook Vyn--who fell asleep by the driver's seat of the car, waiting for them to finish with the tent--by the shoulders. "Hey. Time to get into the tent."

Artem and Luke were working to haul the sleeping bags and othe r supplies into the sizeable tent when they heard Marius screaming into the night.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Marius yelled. 'FUCK VYN LET GO OF--'

Somehow in the process of being woken up Vyn's hand automatically grabbed Marius's wrist and held it in a strong vise grip that almost broke his bones.

Vyn was still asleep when it happened. And Vyn was still sleeping soundly through Marius's yelling.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Luke muttered as he witnessed what was happening. He immediately hit Vyn's cheek with his gloved palm. "HEY SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKE THE FUCK UP."

"Wuh-what--" Vyn rubbed his stinging cheek. "What--oh."

Vyn's sleep-addled mind slowly put two and two together when he beheld Marius's crying face and a reddened wrist.

"My apologies. That sometimes happens when someone tries to wake me up," Vyn muttered as he climbed out of the driver's seat. "Next time you can just set off a phone alarm."

After that moment, the very first cardinal rule of this particular NXX trip was decided to be Do Not Wake Up The Vyn.

===

All four men huddled together inside the tent.

Everyone was getting ready for sleeping when they realized one crucial thing.

The sleeping bags that Marius threw into the trunk were made for moderate cold at most; certainly not for withstanding the cold that a subzero weather brought.

"We will all die of hypothermia," Vyn said, his voice neutral as he coolly stared at the flimsy sleeping bags gathered between them. "Thank you for all your hard work, gentlemen, and I shall see you in the halls of Valhalla."

"I will strangle you, von Hagen," Artem muttered.

"Fuck you, Artem," Marius hissed. "How the fuck was I supposed to know that the sleeping bags were mixed up? It was your storage area. You should have fucking--"

"Guys, I'm really, really cold," Luke whispered, his teeth chattering. "Please. Hear me out? This isn't the first time I've encountered this, so I know what to do."

"Do tell," Artem said as he powered through the chattering of his own teeth, wrapping his arms around himself and sandwiched his gloved hands between his armpits. "Does it require any supplies?"

"No, b-but," Luke hissed. "It requires us to huddle together to sleep. Share body warmth."

"What the hell. Cuddle? Us cuddle with each other?!" Marius spat out. His vehemence belied how cold he actually was.

Vyn groaned. "I would rather... ugh." He knew. He knew that sharing body heat would temporarily solve the issue of getting through the night. But he was not keen on the idea, and he had the suspicion that none of the other men present was keen on sleeping beside him with his history of REM behavior.

However, it was already four o'clock in the morning and he truly needed to sleep. And the more he is sleep-deprived, the higher the chance he may harm someone in his sleep...

"Goddamnit. Vyn," Luke desperately wrapped his arms around himself to preserve what little body warmth he had. "I know you're sleepy. Can we just get over it and cuddle?"

Marius sniggered despite feeling horribly cold himself.

Vyn winced. "Very well," he snapped. "You have permission to cuddle me tonight, Luke."

Artem coughed, a cough that poorly hid his laughter.

Vyn would have bit Marius's and Artem's heads off but he was already falling asleep, and so he curled up into a tight ball, letting Luke slide against him.

The detective took the role of the large spoon to Vyn's little spoon, pulling up two of the sleeping bags over them to preserve warmth...

They promptly fell asleep almost instantly.

"Oh my god," Marius muttered when he realized that he may need to do the same with the lawyer beside him. He snuck a glance at Artem, who groaned when he himself made the same realization.

"It's fucking cold, Artem..."

"No."

"Dude, NO HOMO OKAY," Marius said in frustration. "We're cold and look at those two, they're perfectly okay--"

"This is your fault, von Hagen--"

"It is your fucking fault too--"

"Shit," muttered Marius as he remembered how strong the doctor's hand was when it gripped his wrist. "Well you heard the fucking Adjudicator," he muttered. "Just lie down and I'll just take up the space beside you, is that fine?"

"Gentlemen, carry on any more and it will be my hands on your necks," came Vyn's voice, both terse and sleep-saturated from his and Luke's corner of the tent. "Just drop it and cuddle."

Artem grumbled as he slipped into his sleeping bag. "Fine. Suit yourself."

"Finally." Marius grabbed his own sleeping bag and pressed his back against the lawyer's side.

===

The next morning, they woke up to the aftermath of a blizzard.

The road leading to the highway was blocked by am unprecedented amount of snow, several feet in height.

When they realized that they were snowed in, and stuck with supplies that were meant to last for only two days at the most, the men of NXX knew they were utterly fucked.